#i was genuinely feeling really shitty and then opened tumblr to see this

[magicalara]

Hellllloooo! I have come here to say! I looooove your fanfic! I came from the depths of AO3!!! Good writing, good characterization the works. I love all of it. Keep up the fantastic work ^^

HHSHSJHAJAJAKKA

HI

HELLO

I'm normal I promise

ANON THANK YOU OH MY GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME

I will work hard to satisfy you and all of the others who like my work 🥰

[mr-ribbit]

gonna rant again bc im seeing a lot of trans women on my dash having to carry the heavy lifting to argue for their basic respect and a lot of other queer people who want to ??? get mad about that apparently. for the record as usual: im tme, im not speaking for anyone besides myself and my perspectives, but I am trying to reach out to fellow tme people to level with y'all from inside the house.

i thought we all got past the 'calling people gendered terms when theyve asked you to stop' thing in like. 2012. i swear we were allllll on board with not calling women dude anymore, nerfing sir and ma'am, neutralizing collective terms for groups, and all of that was like, during the onceler era. that's how we got off-putting shit like folx into the mix - remember???? why are we here again.

to those who I've seen claiming that they REALLY genuinely don't want to offend anyone, and that theyre trying to understand the dude thing, and they don't want to be seen as transmisogynistic when they aren't: ok. let's talk about it. step one, stop sending that really loaded anon to a trans woman you don't know, and close that in-group hatepost with 100 replies from people name-dropping trans bloggers they don't like. try to open your mind and assume for the duration of this post that I am not cynically trying manipulate thousands of tumblr users into making Bro the next big swear word, but a fellow queer human being who thinks you're all being pretty intentionally obtuse about an upsetting trend in our community

to be clear: this post is about the issue of trans women being called bro, dude, man, etc., particularly in recent tumblr discourse about transmisogyny, and the backlash they face if they get upset about it. this is also maybe moreso about the shitty ass excuses I see tme people make for why they supposedly can't stop doing this.

so let's go through some of the things I've been seeing people say they don't understand, supposedly in earnest, about this issue

"I DIDNT USE DUDE AS A MASCULINE TERM. I CALL EVERYONE BRO. MAN IS A GENDER NEUTRAL TERM"

I'm not actually going to exhaust my list of reasons why dude/bro/man are not strictly neutral, but you should be pretty aware that all words have context. Dude might be seen as neutral in many contexts, sure, but 'woman who is frequently called a man by others' is a situation where the context adds extra meaning to your words, just like calling someone "sweetie" might be neutral in some cases, but if you've got the context of knowing that's your coworker who's half your age, it's a bit less neutral. If you're not capable of reading that context and being tasteful about when you say dude, then you need to at least be ready to respond gracefully when someone asks you to stop. This is the part I'd rather focus on.

"BUT I DIDNT MEAN IT THAT WAY. IM NOT TRANSPHOBIC"

I think you should consider broadening your perspective *beyond* your intention behind the word. people may already understand that you meant the word neutrally and therefore didn't have transmisogynistic intent, but that's not really the entire scope of what people are saying. if that's your only concern, you're just trying to clear your record, not actually listen to what they're saying.

there are lots of words people don't enjoy being called, and in most cases, when they say 'pls don't call me that', people respect that and move on. even if the word isn't a slur, if it hurts someone's feelings, we all as a society have agreed that it's pretty shitty to keep calling them that. if your friend asked you not to call them 'buddy' anymore because their dead grandparent called them that, or something equivalently personal, you'd probably respect that instead of telling them 'but I call everyone buddy!!' right? even if you didn't really understand why it bothered them so much?

there is a prominent tendency for trans women to be denied this privilege, and when they ask not to be called dude or bro, people don't seem to respect this request as much as they would in other situations. when I accidentally use a gendered word and someone tells me they don't like it, I try to respond with something like "my bad, I didn't mean it as misgendering but I can see you were still bothered by it, so I'll try not to keep saying it. sorry!" and most people are willing to accept that. when trans women ask people this favor, a lot of people get VERY defensive, and treat the request as inane or unfair, instead of just apologizing and moving on. this is why people are upset when this happens, and it's why people are calling your actions transmisogynistic

also like you might not be doing this, but a lot of people DO use dude and bro in an intentionally gendered way to make trans women uncomfortable. it's a power play bigots use to talk down to them or otherwise maliciously harass them. do you know what arguments they use to defend that behavior when called out on it? 'oh I call everyone that' 'dude is gender neutral calm down' 'dont overreact its just a word'. by acting like this, youre all just giving credence to those same arguments.

"WELL THEY SHOULDNT GET SO MAD AT ME WHEN I DIDNT MEAN ANY HARM"

they can get as mad as they want!! also, are you sure they're 'mad'? or are they just expressing their feelings about a negative topic to you, and it makes you feel bad, so you have to make them out to be unreasonably emotional? how do you think they should have phrased 'dont call me that' to better spare *your* feelings?

also like, in most cases, these women do not knowww you. if your main response to someone saying you disrespected them is to say "I didnt mean it that way, I meant it in a friendly neutral way", well that's NOT YOUR FRIEND! she has no idea what your opinions are or what you think of her!!! she has no reason to assume you only upset her in a friendly way and not a bad unfriendly way! but she did get upset, and she did the one thing she can do which is *tell you what upset her* and your response is to say "well actually you shouldn't be upset at all"??????

and another thing:

it's not just the issue of using the word 'dude', it's because you're coming off extremely dismissive of women who have asked you to stop doing something that harms them, and because your argument is basically that they just shouldn't be so bothered by it. or that they're stupid, irrational, or otherwise crazy for telling you that it bothered them at all, just because you Technically used a gender neutral word according to Your Rules. be honest, does that seem fair? If people were calling you something that bothered you enough to ask them to stop, and they responded like this, how would it make you feel?

focusing solely on your intent and what the words mean when you use them is the same thing as saying "just get over it". no woman should need to Prove to you that 'dude' is gendered for you to care about what she's saying. the fact that you're asking people to do that sucks and makes you look bad, which is why people are arguing with you and calling you a misogynist.

especially those of you who are only doing this with trans women who are actively arguing with. you're wielding misgendering as a cudgel and we can all see it, grow up please.

[gojos-thot-patrol]

I've been promising this one for awhile.

Now Loading...

Starring: Mafia Boss!Sukuna

My contribution to @chrollohearttags Tales from the Underbelly collab! In which Gojo accidentally kidnaps the wrong girl, and our "heroes" have to decide what to do with her.

Content includes: slow burn smut, cunnilingus, multiple orgasms, blood kink if ya squint, and slight indulgence of the writers breeding kink.

Trigger warnings include: Kidnapping, gun violence, gore, a dog attack, an attempt at assault and the use of the word "ravenette" once as a dare. Reader discretion is advised.

Your mom had warned you about meeting strange men online. You had assumed at the time it was just her weird boomer-esque tendencies, a fear born before the time of tinder. But as you breathed in your own breath from inside this itchy burlap sack, sitting tied up in this not-at-all comfortable chair, you started to think maaaybe she was on to something. 

It wasn’t your fault though, truly it wasn’t. This guy was hot. Like, unbelievably hot. So hot it was stupid. So hot he belonged on the cover of french magazines or in summer blockbuster movies that sell tickets not for the plot- but for the eye candy. Who wouldn’t risk life and limb to get a piece of that? You wondered if Satoru Gojo was his real name, just in case you needed to make a police report. You wondered if you’d get that far.

Okay, Y/n, no no, don’t think like that. That will get you killed. Calm down and assess the situation. What did you last remember? Your date. You met him at a bar, and was genuinely shocked when he matched his profile picture. You made idle chit chat, and your drink came. Did you order that drink? You couldn’t remember now. You did remember it tasting salty for a screwdriver though…

Shit, that guy definitely drugged you. Why?! It made no sense, you probably would have fucked him if he had just asked nicely! Hell, even if he had asked rudely, there was no need for this! You silenced your thoughts as you heard movement. A door opened and the sound of boots on concrete echoed through a far too big to be practical room. And then, a familiar voice.

“No dude, I got her!” That was definitely Gojo, the fuck ass. “It was so easy too.” He was laughing, because of course he was.

“Yea, that’s the problem. Excuse me for being suspicious, but this feels way too easy considering how long we’ve been chasing this woman,” another, much smoother voice said. Oh god, what the fuck had you gotten yourself into now? Why the fuck did weird shit always have to happen to you? It was like you were the main character in some fucked up wattpad, or Tumblr, fanfiction.

“Nah dude, it’s the real deal. Toji doesn’t keep his girl as wrapped up as we’ve been led to believe.” Gojo’s far-too-joyful-for-your-taste voice came again. It was much closer this time. Your body tensed as you realized the two of them were right next to you. “I matched with her on fucking tinder dude! All according to plan!”

“We’ll see about that.” Smoothie voice said. As he did, the bag was ripped off your head, and quite honestly you were too shocked to scream. You took the situation in front of you in with wide panicked eyes. There was your shitty date, looking far too proud of himself considering all he did was kidnap a helpless girl. And another man, crouched in front of your metal chair, taking in your features. Was this just a gang of people that was so attractive it was unfair? He ran a hand though his long dark hair, and knitted his perfectly sculpted eyebrows together as he looked at you. Then shook his head and stood up.

“You really did it now, idiot, that’s the wrong girl!” The ravenette snapped at your former tinder match. Satoru just blinked in disbelief.

“What?” He asked, and Oh boy, your brain started working again! Just in time for you to start screaming at the top of your lungs as the truly horrifying nature of your situation settled into your bones. This startled the men, causing them both to scream, and the dark haired one to even stumble away from you. 

“That was such a late reaction!!” Gojo yelled at you as he finally found words again.

“FUCK YOU SATORU GOJO, WHEN YOU KILL ME, I SWEAR I’M GOING TO HAUNT YOUR ASS!” You screamed at him, deciding if you were gonna die here you might as well fling a few threats around. 

“You used your real name for the honeytrap?!” The unnamed man hissed, punching Gojo in the shoulder.

“Hey!” Gojo yelped, “I thought it was her! I didn’t think it was gonna matter! What are we going to do Suguru?!” Oh, so Suguru was his name. Good to know.

“Don’t say my name!” Suguru snapped. Too late, you knew it already. “The boss is not going to be happy, you know this, right?”

“Well I mean, I-” Gojo started, before you cut in.

“Can I at least know why you guys are gonna kill me before it happens?” You asked. You wanted to know what to avoid for your next life. Gojo had the audacity to scoff at you.

“Wow, I was literally talking and you interrupted me,” He scoffed, “Rude much?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll try to be more considerate of the man who drugged and kidnapped me next time I open my mouth! As if that wasn’t rude as hell!” You hissed.

“Get married later, we have other problems!” Suguru demanded, snapping in front of Satoru to get his attention. “The boss is going to be here any minute, and we have the wrong girl!”

“Why don’t we just kill her?” Gojo asked. And look at that, you were screaming again. They both screamed with you, Suguru screaming over you and adding a “CAN WE PLEASE ALL STOP SCREAMING?!” at the end. 

And you did, because technically he had done nothing to wrong you, and you had no beef with him. Satoru shut up when you did. “Thank you!” He snapped, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples to try and fight off the migraine that was forming. “No, Gojo, we can’t just kill her! She’s an innocent, it goes against the code. You and I both know The Boss would have you castrated if you break the code.” Suguru reminded the man next to him. Oh, that was good news.

“So, I’m not gonna die?” You asked.

“You’re not gonna die.” “Nothing is off the table yet.” The men spoke in unison, glaring at each other as they finished their sentences.

“Sooooooo, you’re gonna let me go?!” You asked, beaming with a forced excitement, hoping it would rub off on them and they’d untie you then and there.

“It’s not that easy.” Suguru sighed, “If we let you go now, you’d definitely go to the cops, and you know at least his full name.” He said, glaring at Satoru once again.

“What if I promise not to go to the cops?” You asked.

“You and I both know that won’t work.” He looked almost sympathetic to your plight.

“What if I pinky swear not to go?” You asked. His sympathy vanished.

“In another life, you two are perfect for each other.” He scoffed to Gojo. Mere seconds after he said that, the door behind you opened again. Both men turned their full attention to the footsteps approaching, both looking terrified- though Gojo more than Suguru. You tried to look behind you, but alas, you were not an owl and could not turn your head 360 degrees around. 

“What did you two idiots fuck up now?” A low, gravely voice asked behind you. 

“What?!” Gojo tried to look offended, “Boss, I’m hurt! Why would you assume we fucked up?” he pouted. Suguru just dropped his head into his hands.

“Because it’s you Satoru, and when I came in here, you both looked at me like I was the cops and you had a corpse.” The voice scoffed, “And that never bodes well. Is that the girl?”

“So, you see, about that-” Suguru started, only to be cut off by a new man shoving his face in yours. The club of people that won the genetic lottery grew, and you hated to admit he was the sexiest member yet. Sharp features made more pronounced by a faceful of tattoos that absolutely shouldn't have been as attractive as they were. Hard eyes seemed to glow an unnatural red in the dim light of this garage(?) and his fluffy pink hair seemed both horrifically misplaced on his head, and perfectly matched all at the same time. Suddenly, you weren’t worried about your future. You were wondering what choices you had to make to sit on that perfectly sculpted face.

WAIT FOCUS Y/N, YOU’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED! You flinched away from him, tensing up because well…that’s what people do in these situations, right? You saw a tic form in his perfect jaw, and he stood up. You got a good look at what he was wearing. Fitted slacks with a dress shirt, a well tailored vest on top making him ooze with expense. The others were dressed nice too, but he somehow managed to outshine them all. Maybe its because his sleeves were rolled up, showing off his tattooed wrists and gorgeous forearms. God truly did have favorites.

“You.” He demanded more than asked, turning to Gojo and pointing at him.

“Yes Sukuna?” Gojo asked, and Suguru couldn’t hold back the groan that ripped from his throat.

“Stop using names you fucking idiot.” Suguru hissed. So his name was Sukuna.

“Gojo come here.” Sukuna said again, instantly shutting up both men. Gojos eyes grew even wider with fear.

“I, um…I’d rather not boss, I-...You’re gonna hurt me.” Gojo gulped.

“I’m not gonna hurt you.” Sukuna assured him, and for a second he sounded so sincere and comforting, even you believed him. 

“D-...Do you promise?” Gojo asked, trepidation still flooding his voice.

“I promise, I’m not going to hurt you.” Sukuna said again. Slowly, like a wild animal learning to trust, Satrou crept over to his boss. It was then you noticed Sukuna’s rings. You noticed them, because the moment Satoru was in bitch slapping range, he got bitch slapped with the ring hand, so hard that if Suguru hadn’t been there to catch him, he would have hit the floor. 

“You said you weren’t gonna hurt me!” Gojo yelped. Suguru shook his head, unable to believe his friend fell for that.

“I lied!” The pink haired man snapped, “How’s it feel to be lied to Satoru?! Do you like it?! I know I sure fucking don’t.” He hissed as he slapped him again, “You said you had Toji’s wife! That’s not Toji’s fucking wife you imbecile!”

“Ha, take that asshat, that’s what you get!” You laughed, taking maybe a little bit too much joy in Satoru’s pain. And suddenly, all three men were staring at you. You shrunk a bit at the realization. “My bad, I shouldn’t have spoke,” You muttered, “I’ll let y'all get back to it.”

Sukuna took a long deep breath to try and reregulate himself before turning back to you. “Hi.” He said, giving a smile that you think was meant to be welcoming, but his naturally sharp canines just made it menacing. “Who are you?” He asked.

“I don’t know if it’s safe to tell you my name…” You muttered softly.

“You’re already tied up under my house babe, little late to be shy now.” He pointed out. Fair enough.

“Y/n Y/l/n.” You said. He nodded and gave a small wave. 

"Hi Y/n. So what all do you kn-"

"Wait, what's your name?" You asked, cutting off a clearly powerful man. “Is Sukuna like, a title, or?” He stopped mid sentence and blinked at you, bringing his hands together in a death grip so he didn’t punch the disrespect out of your mouth. 

“Sorry, you threw me off. I’m not used to being interrupted.” He said through gritted teeth.

“That’s a common problem for her!” Gojo accused from Suguru’s arms, pointing for emphasis. This quickly got him dropped. Sukuna glared at him.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stop talking.” He threatened Gojo before turning back to you. “My name’s not important right now. What is important is finding out just how much you know. So start talking doll.” He said, going into his back pocket to pull out a pack of cigarettes. 

“So, before I answer, am I more likely or less likely to go home based on how much I know?” You asked, “Cause I’d like to go home in one piece.” The pink haired man laughed at your words as he lit his smoke. Well, laughed is a strong word. More like he aggressively blew air out of his nose, like when you see a funny meme. 

“That’s cute Dollface,” He muttered, blowing the smoke out of his lungs, “Answer my question.”

“You answer mine first.”

“No, I won’t.” 

“Come on dude, I only want you to answer one question-”

“You only want one question answered?” It did suck to be interrupted, “Fine, I’m Sukuna. Now what do you know about us?” You were confused at first, until you realized he was answering one question you asked. Just not the question you wanted answered. Well shit.

“I know his name is Satoru Gojo, his is Suguru, you’re Sukuna, and you guys are looking for some guy named Toji’s wife. Oh, and Gojo takes dick pics with a ring light.” Sukuna closed his eyes and scrunched his eyebrows at that last part, riding out the cringe wave.

“Dude, you don’t really do that, do you?” Suguru whispered to the man next to him.

“Good lighting makes the picture Suguru.” Gojo whispered back. 

“We didn’t need to know that.” Sukuna said, opening his eyes again.

“You asked what I knew.” You said, shrugging as best as you could considering you were tied up. 

“What are we going to do Boss?” Suguru asked, getting the team back on track. Sukuna took a long drag off his cigarette, trying to find an answer to that question. You were innocent, nowhere near the syndicates radar. You were a victim of them, it wasn’t fair to kill you for the crime of matching with a loser on tinder. It also went against what they stood for. At the same time though, they couldn’t just let you leave. You knew all of their names, for Satoru you knew his full name. Not only that, there was the risk of you letting it slip they were looking for Toji’s wife. Though, Toji probably knew that, all things considered. She did have a hit called out on Nanami after all, he’d be stupid not to assume they were looking for her. Fuck.

“Bring her upstairs.” Sukuna finally said, rubbing his temple with his free hand. He wondered why he kept Gojo on the payroll. “She’s our guest until further notice.” Suguru and Satoru shared a knowing glance before going and untying you.

“So you’re letting me go?!” You asked hopefully.

“Not quite,” Sukuna informed you, “Until we can find a more…permanent situation for you, you’re now the property of The Syndicate. Make yourself at home Doll.” He said as he put his cigarette back in his mouth.

“Hold on, what?!” You asked, struggling against Gojo and Suguru as they tried to drag you upstairs, “Wait, property?! Wait, hold on!” You yelped. Suguru rolled his eyes, deciding it was easier to just throw you over his shoulder at this point. “Hey! Put me down!”

“I don’t understand why you’re bitching, I thought you didn’t want to die?” He asked. And suddenly, this was all put into perspective for you. You either play nice, or you take a prolonged dirt nap. Shit. Not great options. You decided death wasn’t what you wanted, they did imply this was only temporary after all. You sighed and accepted your fate, going limp on Suguru’s shoulder. 

The sudden bright lights of the house blinded you after so long in the dim basement. You were happy when Suguru finally put you down, less so when you heard a giant dog barking, and claws scraping on hardwood. You turned around in enough time to see an absolutely massive Rottweiler running at you full speed, teeth bared. You yelped, going to try and hide behind Suguru or hell even Gojo, only to find they had already backed way the hell up; giving the beast room to turn you into dog food. You closed your eyes and tensed your body as you braced for impact.

The impact never came. When you opened your eyes, all you found was a dopey smile sitting politely in front of you, panting while waiting for pets. “Aww,” You smiled, reaching down to give him some ear scratches. His already wagging tail kicked it into high gear as you did, melting your heart. “You’re just a big baby, aren’t you?” You cooed in your baby voice.

Sukuna came up from the stairs then, rolling his eyes at the scene. “Wow Brutus, good job buddy, you’re so good at being a guard dog. No ones gonna break in here, lest they get drooled on.” He scoffed.

“To be fair, Brutus’ slobber is a genuinely terrifying thing.”  Suguru pointed out. 

“It gets everywhere.” Gojo confirmed. 

“I think you guys are just cowards.” You shrugged, petting the good boy on they head.

“They are.” Sukuna confirmed, also giving Brutus a solid pat for good measure. He turned to you then. “Come on, I’ll show you to your room.”

“My room?” You questioned. 

“That’s what I said,” His voice had an edge to it, like he was losing his patience with every second that passed. He turned to Gojo and Suguru. “Gojo, you know where she lives right?”

“Yea, I do.” He nodded. You did not like what that implied, considering you hadn’t given him your address. But, you were already kidnapped, so, maybe it was a little late to worry.

“Good. Take Geto and go grab her essentials. Clothes, toothbrush-”

“Oh, my switch!” You added. Sukuna glared at you from the corners of his eyes. “What?” You asked, “Someone’s gotta take care of my animal crossing island!” Sukuna closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Her switch, I fucking guess, and bring it back here.” He said, “Don’t fuck it up.” He wasn’t sure how they would fuck it up to be fair, but they had surprised him before. 

“Got it Boss!” Satoru said, saluting Sukuna before grabbing Suguru and heading for the door.

“Oh, and Gojo?” Sukuna called right before they reached the door. Gojo froze.

“Yea Boss?”

“We’re not done here. See me when you get back.” His voice was dark. Nothing he said was threatening, but if that was true then why were the hairs on the back of your neck standing up? And why did Gojo physically cringe, as if future him was giving him a taste of pain yet to come? 

“Understood Boss.” He said, leaving with Suguru. And with that, you were alone with a mob boss. Sukuna turned to you, blatantly eyeing you up. You suddenly felt shy under his gaze.

“Come on, your room is upstairs.” He said, moving past you to an opulent staircase on the opposite wall of the living room. You followed him, not really sure what else to do. 

“You know, you’re surprisingly calm about all of this.” Sukuna said as the two of you climbed the stairs, “Not gonna lie, I kinda expected you to like…argue with me about all of this.”

“Do you want me to argue with you?” You asked.

“No, not really. I’m just curious about why you’re not.” He explained.

“Rent’s expensive,” You shrugged, “I was like, a week away from eviction.” You admitted, looking down to try and hide your shame. It wasn’t like you had done anything wrong either. You had done everything right, followed all the money tips you could, given up iced coffee. Turns out, rent is substantially more expensive than iced coffee and when your job doesn't pay a living wage, well- living is hard. “Honestly, I kinda need a place to crash.”

“Oh, I see. Well, lucky you then.” He chuckled softly as you reached the top of the staircase. You didn’t know if you’d call yourself lucky, but, you’d take what you could get. “Here, this one’s yours.” Sukuna said, opening a door to the right. You walked into an extravagant red room, a giant bed covered in black silk with a tall canopy sat as the center piece with a black wardrobe off to the side. 

“Is this like, your sex room?” You asked, your mouth moving faster than your brain. He gave a short snappy ‘HA!’ at your joke, shaking his head softly.

“Yeah, you wish.” He accused, and yeah he was right. You kinda did wish. “This is just the guest room.”

“So…Do I live with you now?” You asked as you moved to sit on the bed. A reasonable question. Sukuna leaned against the doorway, moving his head back and fourth in the universal motion of ‘I have no fucking idea, give me a sec while I think of what to say.’

“Eh, “live” is a strong word.” He finally said with a shrug. “You’re just here until we can come up with a better solution.” He explained. You nodded, accepting that you weren’t going to get a straight answer- because he didn’t have one to give. 

“Well that’s exciting.” You mumbled, trying to rub the tired out of your eyes. It had been a long day.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure we’ll figure out what to do with you in a few days.” He tried to comfort you, before finally leaving you alone.

🚬🚬🚬

A few days had quickly turned into a few weeks. You had acclimated to your new life well, learning when to ask questions and when not to. Brutus had become your best friend, and Sukuna your odd roommate who left at weird times in the night. You were more comfortable with your situation than you were willing to admit. Turns out, you weren’t above all those other Y N girlies that immediately got stockholm syndrome after a day of kidnapping.

Still, that didn’t mean you felt particularly safe. The moment you started to, something happened. The very next time you saw Gojo after he left to grab your things, his arm was in a cast. You would hear screaming- or worse begging- from the basement. An already hushed conversation would fall completely silent as you came down the stairs. There was always something to remind you that you were not here of your own free will. 

“Ummm…Shota?” You asked from your spot on the couch, watching him put on his jacket.

“Nope.” 

“Hmmm…Akira?” Your relationship with Sukuna was an odd one. The two of you had grown comfortable with each others presence, enough that you would find yourself casually hanging out with him, or in this case, pestering him as you tried to guess his first name.

“Wrong again.” He said, checking the jacket to make sure his cigarettes were in one of the pockets. They weren’t.

“Yuji?”

“Gross no- Do I look like a Yuji to you?” That one seemed to genuinely offend him a bit. You had to be getting close.

“Yagi?”

“Y/n, why does it matter to you so much that you know my first name?” He asked, grabbing his smokes from the end table next to the couch. He made eye contact with you when he did it, and you felt your stomach flutter. That was another thing that was quickly developing. It seemed like every day it took less and less from him to make you flustered. 

“Cause you know mine!” You said, pressing your thighs together to push back your less than holy thoughts. “It only seems fair that I should know yours too.”

“I’m not interested in what’s fair Doll, you should know that.” He said, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door. You hated when he called you Doll, mostly because of how much you loved  it when he called you Doll. It always stirred something in you that you tried to suppress, something you knew would make an already not ideal situation worse. Admitting you had feelings for Sukuna felt akin to a death sentence right now, especially considering the very real likelihood that they were one sided.

“If you weren’t interested in what’s fair, you would have killed me by now!” You pointed out.

“Don’t forget to feed Brutus, I’ll be home late.” He completely ignored your very valid point. You huffed as you watched him walk out of the door. Bastard. Asshole. Tyrant, even! In the space between where your true feelings were-and what you were willing to admit to feeling- resentment grew. He had ripped you from the life you had built before, and cultivated this caricature of intimacy that he fully expected you to participate in; all while refusing to give you information as basic as his first name. It wasn’t just unfair, at times it felt cruel.

A soft whine from the nearby kitchen brought you back to reality. You smiled softly at the gentle giant waiting for dinner. “You hungry buddy?” You asked, laughing at his happy woof as you got up to fill his bowl. 

You went about your nightly routine as you normally did, minus dinner with Sukuna, ending the night curled up on the couch in your pajamas with Brutus, reading one of the many books that littered the mansion. You couldn’t focus on the words though, your mind finding the ticking of the clock much more interesting. Something was off. You looked up to see that it was already 5 AM. Sukuna was prone to coming home late, but never this late. Something was wrong. 

You weren’t sure what to do here. You were captive here, it’s not like you had access to a phone. Even if you did, who would you call? You knew Nanami was his most reliable comrade, but if Sukuna was in trouble there was a 70% chance Nanami was too. Suguru? Maybe, but- you shook your head as you realized none of this mattered when you had zero way of contacting any of these men. You could try and go look for him yourself, but you knew the door was locked. It needed a code to be opened, a code you didn’t have. Brutus whined from beside you, feeding off your nervous energy. Your fingers felt numb as you mindlessly chewed your nails, failing to think of anything other than where Sukuna was at that moment.

“Where are you Suka-” It was like you summoned him, before you could even finish your sentence the door exploded open and he came tumbling inside. You thought having him come home would be a relief, but the blood covering his side washed away any possible relief that could have come from his return.

“Motherfucker-” Was all he could get out before collapsing against the wall next to the door.

“Sukuna!” You yelled, rushing to his side, “Sukuna, holy shit, what happened?!” You demanded, wrapping his arm around your shoulders while you tried to lead him to the couch. You thought it would have been harder, moving a wall of muscle that much bigger than you any amount. But it turns out, adrenaline really is one hell of a drug!

“I got shot, what’s it look like happened?!” He snapped, hissing through his teeth as you placed him on the couch. Suddenly, you understood why everything in this house was red. He almost disappeared into the scarlet couch, the red consuming him, threatening to take him away. “Brutus! First Aid!” He yelled, before groaning in pain. Somewhere along the way, he lost his jacket, making it a lot easier for you to rip off his bloodied dress shirt. 

Oh man, that was bad. You weren’t even queasy around blood, but there was a lot here. Before you could get too much in your head and lose your dinner, you felt a fuzzy head nudge into your leg. You looked down to see Brutus looking up at you, first aid kit hanging from his mouth. He was officially the smartest dumb dog you had ever met. 

“Oh, Good boy Brutus!” You praised, scratching the sides of his face and his floppy ears.

“Y/n, losing blood kinda fast over here!” Sukuna reminded, quickly snapping you back into the severity of the moment.

“Right, sorry!” You yelped, opening the kit. Of course Sukuna wouldn’t have a normal first aid kit. This was one of the most extensive kits you’d seen. You pulled the latex gloves over your hands before straddling his lap, trying to get a better look at him. Three bullet wounds, one logged into his shoulder, one to his side under his rib cage, and one that just grazed his side. You could still see the bullet in the first two.

“Oh jesus..” You muttered, grabbing the long glorified tweezers from the kit, “So, uh, this is gonna hurt.” You said, mouth moving without your mind. 

“Oh, that so?!” He snapped, “I thought it was gonna feel like fucking butterfly kisses!” Oh man, he was starting to look pale.

“Okay, well now I’m not sorry for this.” You muttered, digging the tweezers into his shoulder to get the bullet. He hissed sharply through his teeth, hands finding your hips and grabbing you hard enough to bruise. This was not the scenario you thought of when you imagined Sukuna bruising your hips, but life is often funny that way.

“Okay, that’s one out.” You said as you extracted the metal. He let out a shallow breath, trying hard to regulate his breathing. 

“Fuck Y/n..” He whined, and you felt your chest burn. You wondered if that’s what he would sound like on to-NOPE not the time to think like that! 

“I’m going to get the second one now, okay?” You asked. He nodded, his body tensing against his will in anticipation. This one was deeper. You watched his abs flex as he moaned in pain, biting his lip to concentrate on anything other than the searing pain in his abdomen. This would be a lot easier if he could stop being hot for like, five seconds. “I’m sorry.” You muttered softly, wishing there was anything you could do to help with the pain.

“Don’t- Don’t.” You could tell he wanted to say more, but he just couldn’t. You finally pulled the final bullet out. You pulled the bottle of iodine out of the kit, assuming it was for disinfecting- something he was going to desperately need. You wanted to suggest a hospital, but you knew better. A hospital meant cops, and he couldn’t have that. Especially not right now. So you poured a generous amount of the iodine on his wounds, only for him to scream.

“AAH, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!” He yelped as a new wave of pain scorched it’s way through his body.

“I THOUGHT IT WAS A DISINFECTANT!” You yelled in panic, using a piece of gauze to try and wipe it up.

“YEAH, FOR BURNS.”

“THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO USE?!”

“WATER!!” Oh yeah, that checked. The bottle of distilled water in the kit made a lot more sense now. You opened it, using that to clean his wounds instead, and using it to try and wash away some of the dried blood in the process. 

“Shit, I’m sorry! I’m not a nurse, okay!?” You tried to defend yourself in a panic. Then it dawned on you the next step in the process. “I wasn’t very good at home ec either...” You confessed.

“What does that have to do with- Oh god.” He threw his head back on the couch as he realized stitches were next. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before pulling his head back up, his eyes meeting yours almost instantly. It was like he was searching your very soul for something, though you had no idea what he was trying to find. You wanted to shrink away, but you found yourself trapped by his gaze. 

“I trust you Y/n. Don’t fuck me up.” He finally said. You wondered how he could be so confident in anything while bleeding out on a couch, but you guessed that was a question for some other time. You nodded, grabbing the surgical needle and thread. It couldn’t be that hard, right? In one side and out the other. You had this.

He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth as you made the first sitch, digging his nails into your hips and subconsciously pulling you closer. He flinched at the second stitch, bucking his hips into yours in the process. 

“Hold still!” You chastised him. You really wished all of this was happening under different circumstances. You realized this was probably the closest you had ever been to him. Focus Y/n, focus! You finished his shoulder, before moving on to the one in his side, and finishing with the gash. You were shocked how good your stitches were when you weren’t over thinking it. Not perfect by any means, but far better than you thought. 

“Okay, the worst is over.” You said, pushing his damp hair out of his face gently. He looked at you through his eyelashes, an expression you had no hope of reading on his face. You cleared your throat before grabbing the gauze to bandage him up. He was quiet while you worked. You had almost finished with the bandages when he spoke again.

“Ryomen.” He finally said.

“What?” You asked, confusion leaking into your voice as you finished wrapping up the last wound. You looked at him.

“My name’s Ryomen.” You weren’t sure what you expected him to say after all of this, but it definitely wasn’t that. You stared at him, trying to figure out how to process any of what the fuck just happened. Was this your life now? Was this your forever? He brought a shaky hand to the side of your face, brushing away a tear you didn’t even know was there.

“Why are you cryin’ Doll?” He asked softly. His eyes didn’t have the edge you were so used to in them. Be it from the blood loss or him being grateful for your subpar nursing, all of his edges had been rounded down to soft bumps. 

“I thought I was going to lose you..” You whimpered softly. 

“Oh, Y/n,” He cooed softly, “I’m not going anywhere.” He promised, pressing his forehead to yours. “Don’t cry over me.” He lazily rubbed your cheek with his thumb, trying to comfort you despite the fact he was the one that had just got shot, multiple times. You were sure the blood loss was getting to his head, this was far too intimate. Far too sweet. The stress of the situation hit you all at once, the adrenaline leaving your body as distress took it’s place. 

You took a jagged breath in, realizing you were crying as you did so. He quietly pulled you into a hug, pressing you into his chest. The steady beat of his heart admittedly brought you some comfort, reminding you that he was alive and well-ish. You weren’t sure when you fell asleep. When you woke up in your room the next morning, you were convinced it was all a bad dream. Surely he wouldn’t have been able to lug your sleeping body to your room after all of that, right?

The faint blood stains on the couch told a different story.

🚬🚬🚬

If you thought your relationship with Ryomen was weird before, it was really weird now. Before, you were positive you had a one sided crush. Something brought on by proximity and not much else, and a feeling he most definitely did not share. Now though? Now you were sure there was something else there, and that he felt it too. It showed itself in small ways. In the way he brushed against you when you were cooking together, in the way Suguru’s job had gotten significantly harder when Ryomen had noticed how close the two of you had gotten, and in the way he had gotten more protective of you than he had ever been before. 

“Oh Suge Knight totally had 2pac killed.” Suguru said with a shrug.

“No way, that doesn’t make sense!” You argued, “Why would he call a hit on his best selling artist?”

“To take control of his catalog, duh,” He said this as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “More money to be made if you don’t have an artist to pay.”

“Yeah, except now there’s no artist to make more music and therefore more money!” you pointed out, “Besides, why would he have a car he’s in get shot up?”

“So people ask that exact question!” Suguru argued, waving his hands for emphasis.

“Do you two have nothing better to talk about than decades old conspiracy theories?” Ryomen asked as he entered the kitchen, walking up to the bar where you sat with Suguru. He always seemed annoyed when the two of you hung out together. The toxic part of your brain liked it. Satoru wasn’t far behind him, his wrist still in a brace from a months old injury. You felt a little bad when you saw it these days. It must have been a nasty shatter. 

“I’d argue there’s no better topic of conversation than decades old murder conspiracies.” Satoru said, taking a seat next to Suguru. 

“I’d argue you’re the last person I’d consider an authority on topics of conversation.” Nanami said, suddenly alerting you to his presence. That man was like a ghost, you only saw him when he wanted you to. He moved over to the fridge, pulling out a beer and using the counter to open it. A move that would get Satoru or Suguru a one way ticket to the afterlife, completely ignored by Ryomen because Nanami was useful.

“Y/n, I need you to go to your room.” Ryomen said, checking his watch. “Sooner rather than later.”

“What, why?” You asked, not a fan of being kicked out of the kitchen you now considered to be yours. 

“Because I told you to. Don’t come out until I come get you.” His tone left no room for argument or conversation. You bit your tongue, knowing better than to undermine him in front of his men, especially his lieutenants. 

“Whatever.” You groaned as you left, going and locking yourself in your room. As much as it annoyed you, this was fairly common at this point. Whenever the boys had “Official Business” you’d be banished to your bedroom until they deemed it safe for you to be let free. A very clear reminder that you were an outsider here. You weren’t in your room long before there was a knock on your door.

“Already?!” You asked.

“No.” Nanami said, “I’m here to deliver Brutus.” Confused, you went and opened the door. Sure enough, Brutus came barreling into the room as the door opened, going and jumping onto your bed. “Boss wants him to be with you.” Nanami said, as if that was going to answer your puzzled look. 

“Why? What’s going on?” You asked in a hushed tone. Nanami's eyes darted over to the staircase, making sure no one was coming up them.

“A representative of Naoya Zenin is going to be here tonight.” Zenin. You heard that name enough before to know he was one of Ryomen’s rivals, someone previously teamed up with Toji.

“What? Why is he sending someone here?”

“Fushiguru has been shorting him and his team when it comes to their cut of narcotics sales. Considering they’re the ones making all the drugs Toji sells, he’s not happy about it. So he’s looking to start a partnership with us instead.” You were thankful for Nanami. Everyone else here treated you like a delicate flower: like telling you what was going on would make you wilt. Nanami had always kept it straight with you, telling you the facts as they were. To him, you were just as involved as they all were, even if that was only due to your proximity to it all.

“And he’s not showing up himself?” You asked, remembering that Nanami had said a representative of his was coming. He shrugged.

“What can I say? The man’s a coward.” There was a knock on the door after he said that, signaling to him that he needed to get back downstairs. “Stay safe Y/n.” He said, turning to join the others.

“You too.” You responded, but you were pretty sure he didn’t hear it. You sighed as you closed your door, joining the overgrown puppy on your bed. You decided to hop on your switch, needing some way to kill the time. You weren’t sure how long you spent trying to get Moose off your island before you registered that Brutus was whining by your door. 

“What’s wrong big guy?” You asked, putting your switch down. He whined some more, shifting uncomfortably in front of the door. “Oh no, you have to potty, don’t you?” You could have sworn that dog nodded at you. Really?! They didn’t let him out first?! You wondered what to do. You knew disobeying Ryomen wasn’t acceptable, but you couldn’t just let your baby suffer! Another whimper from Brutus made the decision for you. Ryomen would understand.

You opened your door and walked Brutus down the stairs, hoping you could avoid wherever the meeting was happening. You should have known that was delusional, because the moment you walked into the kitchen, you found them all holding their meeting around the bar. Ryomen pinched the bridge of his nose the moment he saw you. Ah fuck.

“Well hello there Gorgeous, who are you?” A man you had never seen before asked. He made your stomach turn. He had his long blue hair parted into three pony tails, and long surgical scars marred his face. That wasn’t what made him so revolting though. It was his smile. It didn’t feel right. Like a monster recreating it’s prey’s mannerisms, a wolf in poorly fitted sheep’s clothing. You wished you stayed in your room.

“It doesn’t matter who she is, you’re not here to talk to her.” Ryomen said, allowing no room for conversation. You followed his lead, going and opening the back door for Brutus without acknowledging the mimic in your home. 

“Oh, don’t be rude Sukuna. Is she your wife?” It asked.

“Doesn’t matter, we’re not here to talk about my personal life.”

“Oh, don’t be like that.” He turned to you, and you wished Brutus would hurry up. “I’m Mahito sweetie. And you are?”

“I think the Boss made it clear, we should get back on topic.” Nanami said, adjusting to put his hand in his suit jacket. The Mahito creature got the hint, raising his hands in his defense.

“Okay, okay, okay. Pardon me for trying to be polite at a business meeting, I won’t do it again.”

“Good.” Ryomen said, lighting a smoke and watching closely as Brutus ran in and took his place by your side. He saw the way Brutus held back a growl. That wasn’t a good sign. “You said Zenin wanted fifty percent? That’s not going to work for us.”

“Oh? And why’s that?”

“Selling is signif-” That was all you heard as you rushed back up stairs. Once in your room, you tried to regulate your heartbeat, to clam your jittering bones. You felt like you had just encountered some old primal evil. Something so off your ancestors were warning you to be weary of it from beyond the grave. You sat next to Brutus on your bed, hiding your face in his fur to try and calm down. 

It worked for a while, until you heard him growl. You looked up to see the monster in your room. You yelped softly, instinctively backing away. You wished you hadn’t forgotten to close your door.

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said, showing that “smile” again. “I just thought it was a shame we didn’t get to properly meet back there.” Your blood felt slimy in your veins as you realized you were going to have to play nice with this guy. His business was important to Ryomen, or else he wouldn’t be in the house.

“Oh, yea I guess.” You muttered softly, petting Brutus to try and calm him.

“What’s your name sweetheart?” He asked, stepping even further into your room and closing the door behind him. Your joints suddenly felt weak with static, every fiber of your animal brain telling you you were dealing with a predator. 

“Y/n.” You responded, refusing to make eye contact with his mis-matched eyes.

“That’s a pretty name Y/n. You Ryomen’s girl, or his pet?” You didn’t like anything coming out of his mouth.

“I’m um, his roommate.” You guess, and instantly realized you guessed wrong. “Shouldn’t you be downstairs with the others?”

“Oh, they’ll be fine without me for a few minutes.” He said, and you realized he was getting closer. You stood up, only to realize he was in between you and the door. 

“Hey, uh, I really think you should go back down, they’re probably looking for-”

“I don’t care.” He scoffed, closing the distance and grabbing you. He tried to force you on the bed, but I guess that dumb ass missed the giant fuck you dog that was in that room for the sole purpose of protecting you. He didn’t get past putting his hands on your shoulders before Brutus’s teeth were in his leg, ripping muscle from bone. The scream that left Mahito was visceral, the kind that haunts people at night.

“RYOMEN!!” You yelled, pressing yourself against the wall while Brutus did his thing, jerking his head, pulling the man away from you as another horrific scream left him.

“I fucking knew it!” Ryomen snapped, ripping your attention away from the bloody scene in front of you and to the four men spilling into your room, Ryomen leading the pack.

“CALL OFF YOUR DOG!” The rag doll begged.

“Brutus, down!” Ryomen ordered. Without hesitation the Rott had let go, and had placed himself between you and your attacker in case he needed to act again.

“Oh thank-” Mahito didn’t get to finish that sentence. 

“He’s mine.” Ryomen growled, grabbing him by his scalp. “You think you can come into my house and attack my girl and get away with it?!” He snapped, taking the lit cigarette from his mouth and putting it out in Mahitos’ right eye. You’re not sure what was going to stick with you more, the smell- or the sound that came out of the monster. Ryomen threw the screaming, bloodied man, to the floor behind him. “Take him to the basement, I’ll be there soon.” He said. Without hesitation all three men acted, grabbing the begging Mahito and dragging him down the stairs.

Ryomen walked over to you, gently taking your head in his hands. “Did he hurt you?”

“No, Brutus protected me.” You hated the quiver in your voice as you said that. Ryomen looked down at the dopey dog, smiling with blood on his muzzle. He gave a small affectionate smile as he pet the dog. 

“Good boy.” He praised before turning back to you. “I’m going to go take care of the trash in the basement, then I’ll be back, okay?”

“I’m so sor-”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. He did. I’ll be back.” He assured you, gently patting your cheek before leaving the room you weren’t sure you felt safe in anymore. You weren’t sure how long he was gone for. At least long enough for you to clean up Brutus, and to try and clean up all the gore. At least your carpet was dark gray. You wondered how many other stains it hid, and of what variety.

You weren’t expecting how relieved you were when you finally heard a knock, opening the door to reveal a freshly showered Ryomen. You wondered what he looked like before washing the blood away, but the only image your mind conjured was him bleeding out on the couch. So you stopped wondering.

“Pack a bag, you’re leaving.” He explained. His tone was unreadable, and all it did was piss you off.

“What? What do you mean I’m leaving?!” You demanded.

“I mean wh-”

“No Ryomen, I want an actual fucking explanation.” You saw his jaw clench, as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You gotta get better about that interrupting bullshit.” He growled. “Zenin is definitely going to send someone to look for his missing boy. And when he does, he’s not going to find you here. Gojo already reserved you a hotel suite for a week, it’s temporary.” He explained as he walked away. “I’ll be waiting for you in the living room.”

You groaned as you threw together a bag. You understood his reasoning, but you were getting real sick of feeling like nothing in your life was under your control. Like you were at the mercy of a crazed mob boss. Probably because you were. You were starting to wonder if all of this was really worth not having to pay rent.

Ultimately you decided it was. Really, it was no different from existing under capitalism, and at least in this situation you could sometimes reason with your captor. You came downstairs with your bag, took at least ten minuets to say goodbye to Brutus- promising him you’d be back and that he was the best boy- and finally loaded yourself into Ryomen’s too-expensive-for-you-to-be-in car. The drive was silent, tense almost. He chain smoked out of the window, not even bothering to look at you.

“Um, are you mad at me?” You finally had to ask.

“No.” Well that didn’t sound like he wasn’t mad at you.

“You sound mad.” You pointed out.

“Good observation.” He scoffed, throwing his dead cigarette butt out the window, and immediately going to light another. 

“That’s probably not good for your lungs ya know.” His glare could have frozen the sun. “I’m just sayin’!”

“I promise you, I’d be lucky if lung cancer is what kills me.” He “assured” you.

“You promise you’re not mad at me?”

“Y/n.” He growled, “I said I’m not mad at you, didn’t I? Why can’t you just believe me?”

“Cause you sound like, really really ma-”

“That’s because I’m mad at myself, not you!” He snapped, before catching himself with a growl, pinching the bridge of his nose for a second. He took a long drag off his smoke and ashed it out the window, holding the smoke in his lungs until the burn threatened to consume him. “Just. Drop it.” He finally said as the two of you pulled into a hotel parking lot. It was honestly nicer than you were expecting! “We’re here.” He informed you, grabbing your bag as the two of you left the car. 

It was clear Sukuna was known here, considering he didn’t technically check in. He was just given a key as he passed the front desk, and told a room number. You hoped it wasn’t that easy for everyone. He ushered you to the elevator before giving you the spare key he was given. “Room 237.” He said.

“Wait, like The Shining?!” you gasped, looking at him with wide eyes.

“I-I guess?” He very clearly wasn’t expecting that reaction to informing you of your room number. “Sorry, I’m thrown, are you excited or?-”

“I just think it’s neat.” You beamed.

“...Okay.” Sukuna sighed, deciding he had more important things to worry about at the moment than if you liked your room number or not. Once inside the room, he immediately started checking for bugs, both the organic and inorganic kind. An old habit that he saw no need to kill. While he did that, you looked around the suite, familiarizing yourself with the layout.

“Hey, Ryomen? I only see one bed?” You questioned, not finding another place for him to sleep.

“Yeah? Is that a problem?” He asked, joining you in the bedroom.

“Well where are you going to sleep?” You inquired. He was confused again. 

“In my bed? At my house?” Oh hell no he wasn’t!

“What?! No way, you can’t leave me!” You protested, getting real sick of his shit.

“I assure you, I can do whatever I want,” He scoffed, “Someone needs to watch the house.”

“Fuck that, have Nanami do it! What if they find me here?!” You didn’t have Brutus, and you weren’t confident in your ability to hold your own in a fight with experienced criminals.

“No one is going to come for you here Y/n-” He tried to reason, but you were having none of it.

“Are you sure?!” You demanded, “Can you promise me that?! Can you look me in the eye and swear to me that we weren’t followed? That no one’s going to show up here looking for you and hurt me instead? That no one wants revenge for that ragdolls life?! Can you be sure?!” He was quiet. Truth be told, he couldn’t. And he had already fucked up and let you get hurt once, he wasn’t going to do it again. He let out a sound somewhere between a groan and a sigh.

“Fine, fine. I’ll call Nanami and have him-”

“I don’t want Nanami here, I want you.” You insisted. Your words hung heavy in the air, both of you trying to hear what was left unsaid in the silence. The tension was growing, begging for someone to say something, anything. Finally, Ryomen sighed again,

“Okay, I’ll stay. Let me go call Nanami so he knows to watch the house.” He said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and stepping out to call his lieutenant. He was gone for longer than you expected. You worried about what was being said, though you didn't know why you were so worried. You just felt anxious. Finally, he came back.

“Alright, everything is settled.” He let you know, “I’m going to sleep on the couch, just…get some sleep okay?” He said, gently cupping your cheek, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” He assured you. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and nodded. 

“Okay, thank you.” You sighed, looking up at him. He was closer than you realized. He hadn’t let go of your cheek yet either. Your eyes connected, and for a split second, the whole world seemed to stop. He was close enough you could smell the coffee and cigarette scent that seemed to permanently cling to him. If you focused hard enough, you could feel the heat coming off of him. “Kiss me.” You mentally begged him, “Kiss me, just kiss me!”

“Sleep well Y/n.” He said, patting your face as he left the room. You almost screamed at him to get back here and finish what he started, but realized it probably wouldn’t do much. If he wanted to, he would have. He said it himself, he does whatever he wants. You settled for just screaming into the pillow as you flopped into the overly stuffed mattress instead. This shit sucked. 

Everything felt hot, too hot. You felt like you were caught in an inferno, feeling his hips buck into yours. You felt his warm mouth trail kisses down your neck. You twisted your hands, feeling your wrists flex under his large hand. “You’re so good for me pretty girl.” He praised in your ear.

“Ryomen-” You gasped, saying his name like a prayer.

“Say it again Y/n.”

“Ryomen..”

“Again..”

“Ro-”

“Y/n!” You jumped out of your sleep, yelping softly as Sukuna’s voice jolted you out of the dream realm. You looked around, trying to reorient yourself. You still felt flustered from your dream, and now flustered from embarrassment. 

“Ryomen?” You asked, looking at the man sitting on the side of your bed, him looking at you with concerned eyes in return. “What are you doing in here?”

“You called for me.” He informed you, and you wanted to melt away from the embarrassment. “I thought you we’re having a nightmare, so I woke you up,” He explained, “Are you okay?”

“A nightmare…yeah…” You took the excuse and ran, “Yeah, yeah I’m okay. I don’t even remember what happened in it honestly…” You lied. He sighed and rubbed his face, getting up to leave. “Wait!” You called, grabbing his hand before he could get too far. There goes your stupid body, moving faster than your brain again. “I-...I don’t want to be alone.” You explained. It was technically the truth. 

He looked down at you, quiet for a second, then grumbled. “Whatever. Scoot over.” He muttered. You smiled, happy to make room for him. He slipped himself under the covers, getting comfortable surprisingly quickly for someone in a dress shirt and slacks. For a guy that was surrounded with luxury and creature comforts, he really didn’t seem to need any of them. It didn’t seem like he was very accustomed to them either. He laid on his back, and you couldn’t help but notice how comfortable his chest looked. 

So you moved next to him, resting your head on his chest. He looked down at you, but didn’t push you away. Quite the opposite actually, he wrapped one of his arms around you, holding you close to his side. It woke up the butterflies in your stomach, sending them into overdrive. 

“Thank you.” You whispered to him. 

“For what?” He asked.

“Staying with me. Taking care of me.”

“...Di-..did you just thank me for kidnapping you?” He questioned, looking down at you as best he could and raising an eyebrow. You laughed a little at his reaction.

“I guess I did, yeah.” You giggled, trying to push yourself closer to him.

“You’re welcome?” You never failed to confuse and confound him. Maybe that’s why he liked you so much. You kept him on his toes. “You know most people aren’t okay with being kidnapped, right? It’s considered a bad thing.”

“I’m not most people.” You shrugged. “Like, yeah I see how on paper it’s bad but..I don’t know. It kinda came at the perfect time for me. I got to walk out of my shitty job, I didn’t have to deal with getting evicted, let’s not even get started on how honestly lonely I was..I don’t know. I guess it’s bad for most people, but it was a miracle for me. Is there a word for bad miracle?”

“Your stalkhom syndrome is showing.”

“I don’t think it’s that,” You chuckled, shifting to be able to look up at him, “Have you ever considered I just like being around you?”

“Why would you?” He muttered.

“Why wouldn't I?” You replied. There it was again. That warm feeling that seemed to envelop you wherever you were in Ryomen’s arms, coupled with the feeling that comes right before the lighting strikes. You used the dim moonlight fluttering in from your window to connect your eyes with his. You swore up and down his eyes glowed in low light, the unnatural red that should be so off putting only drawing you deeper into him. 

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered softly, and you felt your chest tighten. He had never said anything like that to you before. It made you feel almost giddy, your heart doing the screaming and squealing your throat wouldn’t currently allow. Before you could respond, his lips were finally on yours and it felt like fireworks were going off in every fiber of your being. You felt your blood rushing in your veins as you moved to tangle your fingers in his hair, months of tension finally snapping in a million electric sparks. 

He bit your lip, using your soft gasp to deepen the kiss. He pulled you closer to him, if that was even possible, growling softly as you tugged at his hair. It was like the two of you truly couldn’t get enough of each other, trying to make up for months worth of lost time and build up with one impossibly impassioned kiss. He rolled the two of you over so you were under him, and moved to kiss your neck. You moaned softly as he did, feeling the bruises he was biting already starting to form. You loved the idea of it, of obvious evidence you really were his girl. 

You felt your breathing get heavy as he ran his hands up your waist and under your shirt, feeling the soft skin waiting for him there. He pulled away long enough to pull your shirt over your head, leaving you in just your sleep shorts.

 “Fuck.” He whispered when he finally saw you without your top on. He took the time to truly marvel you, the way you imagined a painter would look at his magnum opus. It filled you with a confidence unlike anything else, for someone so beautiful to look at you the way Adonis had looked at Aphrodite. 

“You look so much better than I imagined.” he praised, finally finding his voice again. 

“So you’ve imagined me topless?” You teased.

“I’ve imagined more than just you topless.” He smirked, hands roaming lower on your body. You felt your breath hitch in your chest as he hooked his thumbs under your shorts. You weren’t positive this wasn’t another dream, but either way, you planned to enjoy this. Though, he was wearing far too much clothes for that. Before he could take your bottoms off, you were sitting up, connecting your lips to his again as your fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. You always thought he looked stunning in them, but right now you despised the small buttons. He chuckled a bit, pulling away from you.

“Eager, huh?” he teased, “Here, I got it.” You felt almost embarrassed as he expertly got all the buttons undone and the shirt off in the time it took you to unhook three of them. But- in your defense- he took those shirts off everyday and this was your first time taking anything off him. You bit your lip as you took in his topless form. It looked so much better not covered in blood, you could better see the tattooed skin that laid there. 

And the scars. There were a few etched into his skin, but you were most concerned with three. Your fingers went to touch one of the circular scars, feeling the puckered healed skin on his shoulder. You felt a pang of regret. If you had done better that night, would he have scarred? You didn’t have time to think before you felt his hand on yours, softly pressing your fingers into the healed wound.

“Like it?” He chuckled, “It’s one of my favorites.”

“Why?” You asked, trying not to think about him covered in blood again.

“It makes me think of you.” He said, pulling you into another heated kiss. You felt your body react to him, pressing yourself closer to him and wrapping your arms around his neck. You felt dizzy with want, your entire being buzzing with anticipation as he pressed you back into the mattress, kissing down your jaw, your neck, your torso, until he was where you wanted him the most. You bit your lip in anticipation, feeling him hook his thumbs into your bottoms, waiting for him.

“What do you want Doll?” He asked from in between your legs. 

“You.” You whimpered softly.

“I’m right here,” He reminded you, “What do you want from me?” You whined as you bucked your hips at him. He grabbed them and pressed you into the mattress, making you groan louder.

“I don’t know!” You confessed.

“Babygirl, we haven’t even done anything, you can’t be fucked stupid just yet.” he tsked. 

“I just want you to touch me...” You begged.

“I am touching you.” 

“Ryo!” You whined, wriggling under him.

“Ryo?” He snorted, “That’s cute.” In all the times you had imagined yourself fucking Ryomen Sukuna, you had never imagined he’d be this fucking infuriating. You gave a stranged whine to let him know just how upset you were. “Sorry Doll, I don’t speak whine. You’re gonna have to use your big girl words.”

“Ryomen, please!” You begged, “I- I want..fuck, I want your mouth.” You finally decided, “I want to know what your mouth feels like.” Ryomen’s grin was dark as he finally pulled down your shorts and underwear in one fluid motion.

“Good girl.” he praised, and before you could properly react, he was running his tongue from your entrance to your clit, wrapping his lips around your bundle of nerves and giving it a sharp suck. Excitement exploded in your chest as your hands rushed to his hair, trying to find anything to ground yourself. He growled as you pulled him closer to you. 

Every pass of his tongue sent another wave of euphoria coursing through your core, leaving you soft under him. You brain officially checked out for the night, rolling your hips against his face to chase your high. You moaned his name shamelessly, losing your ability to regulate your volume in the pleasure he was giving you. This volume regulation problem worsened as he pushed two fingers into your weeping cunt, curling up and successfully gracing the sweet spot inside you. Some part of your brain was sure the next room over knew Ryomen’s name now.

And it was driving him crazy. Ryomen couldn’t take his eyes off of you. The way your eyes screwed shut, the way the sweat cascaded down your body, the way his name sounded so fucking pretty falling off your lips. He spent a lot of time fucking his hand to the thought of fucking you with his mouth, among other things, and his imagination couldn’t come close to creating the magic of the real thing. He had to use his free hand to palm himself through his slacks, desperate for any sort of relief. The only thing he wanted more than to fuck you in that moment was to taste you as you came on his face. He needed it more than he needed to breathe.

“R-ryo, I- close..” You whined, your mind struggling to conjugate a proper sentence. That’s what he liked to hear. Your head was full of dopamine and ecstasy, your entire body buzzed with anticipation and need. You felt like you were barreling to the edge of the earth with no hope of stopping. You heard him moan as you pulled his hair again, pulling him closer as you rode his face straight to your climax, feeling the ecstasy explode in your veins. You felt like you were floating in a sea of pleasure, except the sea was in the middle of a tropical storm and every cutting wave that hit you left you weaker than the last. Your vision went white hot, and you were struggling to keep your breath. 

“Fuck, fuck, Ryo! Ryomen! So good Ryo..” You chanted his name like a witch trying to evoke a long dead deity. And he couldn’t get enough of it, eating you out throughout your high as he licked up everything you had to give him and more. He didn’t let up until your legs were trembling around his head. He kissed bruises in your shaking thighs as he pulled away, wiping his mouth and looking at you with dark eyes. Something primal held behind pupils blown wide with lust. He wiped his mouth with a wicked grin. 

“You taste so good Doll,” He praised, slipping his fingers out of your cunt and into your mouth. You started sucking without thinking, grabbing his hand to keep him there as you licked his fingers clean. “Glad you agree.” He chuckled darkly, feeling his dick twitch under his clothes. His entire body felt like it was on fire, and the only thing his mind could focus on was imagining how pretty you’d look trying to take his dick. 

“How ya feeling Dollface?” He asked, leaning back as he undid the button on his pants. 

“So good..” You muttered, your mind slowly finding it’s way back to your body in the sea of endorphins it was swimming in. 

“Yeah?” He chuckled, pulling you under him as he lined himself up with your weeping cunt, “Wanna feel even better?” He asked. Well he was confident, wasn’t he? You nodded, looking up to see what he was working with. You probably should have been more intimidated than you were, but at that moment all you wanted was to make him feel as good as he had made you feel. 

“Yea, I want do.” You confirmed, and he smiled smugly.

“Good girl.” He praised as he slowly sunk into you. You felt like you were being ripped apart in the most beautiful way. Your cunt weeping as it made accommodations for him. Your hands flew to his back, digging into him with enough time to feel him shudder on top of you from just how good you felt. You’d count that as a win. 

“Fuck, it’s like you were made for me pretty girl,” He moaned, dragging himself out just to push back in, gracing your g-spot as he did. You moaned under him as he did, feeling yourself melt into a puddle of need and pleasure. “So fucking good.” He purred. 

He tried to take it easy, to keep in mind that you had just came hard and were probably sensitive. He couldn’t help himself though. The way you pulled him in deeper and deeper with every thrust threw any semblance of sense out of his mind. All he could think about was how good you felt under him, and how fucking pretty every sound that came out of you was. He wanted to hear them all.

You were happy to make them all for him too, moaning pathetically under him with every push of his cock, every brush against your g-spot. You could feel your blood catch fire in your veins as he fucked you, felt yourself getting lost in the pleasure he was giving you. You felt electrified, your nervous system somehow fried and on high alert all at the same time. All you could think of was Ryomen, Ryomen, Ryomen as you felt a string of tensions knotting itself over and over in your stomach.

He pulled you impossibly closer to him, folding you into a mating press as he chased both of your highs. You instantly knew you weren’t going to last long in this new position, and all but screamed his name as you pulled at his hair. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Ryomen!” You yelled as the string inside of you finally snapped, all of the euphoria it was holding back hitting you like a god damn train. You felt your body shake, tendrils of pleasure lashing out from your core to your fingers and toes. It was like a whole body reset, your brain turning into a puddle of electrified endorphins.

He thought he was going to last longer than he ultimately did. But the way your cunt clenched around him coupled with the way your face screwed shut and how needy you sounded as you said his name- he was coming undone inside within a few more strokes, fucking the two of you through both of your climaxes before stilling, just barely managing not to collapse on top of you. 

There was a quiet that settled over the two of you in your after glow as you both caught your breath. You whined as he pulled out, going from feeling so full to so empty and hating it. He just chuckled softly, falling next to you and pulling you into his side.

“So,” You started softly, “Am I still the property of The Syndicate orr?” You asked. He chuckled softly, remembering what he said to you on the night you met. 

“No, not the Syndicate. You’re mine.” He confirmed for you.

“Isn’t that like…kinda the same thing?” You asked. He rolled his eyes. Of course you couldn't let him have his cute moment. 

“Good night Y/n, we’ll talk in the morning.” He mumbled, deciding the best move would be to try and get some sleep. The two of you were going to have a lot to talk about in the morning. 

[bunytime]

about Kyle and HUMANCENTiPAD

I only feel comfortable talking on this specific issue because it's not solely regarding head-canons or ships and I prefer to avoid infighting over more inflammatory topics to the best of my ability. Also, Tumblr allows for more nuanced discussion so I'm putting it here

This is not an aimed post, it's just my two cents

I want to start by saying I don't think someone is horrible for preferring to draw the most “canon-compliant” version of characters. I follow this in my own way. I'm commenting on why this is a concern to me as one Jewish fan. I don’t speak for anyone but myself. 

While there are exceptions, it is discomforting to see Kyle with these mouth scars for many reasons. I think S15E1 is pretty torture-porn-y as far as South Park goes (I don’t have a better term for this, sorry). No, I honestly don’t feel grossed out or disturbed by most episodes. Yes, it’s a comedy, and rightfully, if you don’t have the stomach for South Park, don’t watch it; to some extent, this also applies to the fan works which explore canonical dark tones. We also know Matt and Trey can take it too far and have in the past. S15E1 just is one of those personal thresholds for me, although this post isn't really about the morality of the episode.

Anyway, there’s a big argument about Kyle’s scars representing his overcoming of trauma, etc. but I disagree with this defense on why they should be there. If we genuinely wanted to talk about Kyle overcoming trauma, we would talk about the primary source of his trauma: how Kyle, even in more recent plots, is constantly harassed for being Jewish. We would also allow for more open conversation about antisemitism in the fandom, especially in the form of fan art. Kyle’s religion is irrelevant to how he wound up in the situation of S15E1. Therefore, the “overcoming trauma” point feels dishonest and inaccurate to me, especially considering the episode is just one long joke (vs South Park storylines which are more serious). It’d be fairer just to claim drawing it for fun.

For comparison: Butters has an eye scar; this is widely accepted within fanon. I have depicted it too. However, the optics of giving a blond-haired Roman Catholic white boy a minimal scar over his eye is way different than giving prominent scars over essentially half of a Jewish character’s face. Plus, it’s fair to say that an eye scar is usually regarded as a “beneficial” character design element regardless of origin.

Butters’ scar, while it would be a traumatizing injury, was accidental. Indeed, the conceit of “Good Times With Weapons” is the shitty way Butters is treated by the people around him. Kyle’s scars, on the other hand, would be from purposeful torture, and it’s lately been depicted not just as two sutures on the sides of his mouth but as large amounts of scar tissue shaped like an eerie smile. If it's to be scientifically realistic, then fine, but by that logic Butters should be blind in one eye or even more likely missing it, and other characters would be visibly scarred in different ways as well.

In addition, Butters’ appearance is widely and commonly depicted as “cute” - for lack of a better word - so adding a comparatively small and pinkish scar to a generally positively-regarded character (at least in terms of conventional appearances) is not the same as adding highly exaggerated scars to a Jewish character that fans generally don’t seem to think of as “soft” or even approachable the same way they see Butters. I draw Kyle with his kidney surgery scar, so I hope I am making it clear that scars are fine on characters. Of course, facial scars are very different. Still, when you stretch the scar tissue into an uncanny smile over half the face of a minority character from a one-time torture porn gag, it’s fair for people to be upset.

From my point of view, it’s off-putting because it’s about how a Jewish person (myself) sees fandom treat a Jewish character in particular; one who is frequently on the end of vitriol from within canon (Cartman’s abuse, most often) AND fans (that is: a whole subset of fans who think Kyle is cruel, heartless, and manipulative, and stress it) and it is arguably a symptom of something more insidious and deeply alarming than folks might want to admit. 

I’ll be the first to say that Kyle’s canon features deserve faithful depiction, even within stylization. Moreover, facial scars don’t carry inherent personality traits in real life. But fictional character design does not exist in a vacuum, and some people are virtually insisting that Kyle be as aggressively caricatured as possible. Please remember that for centuries Jews have been (subjectively but societally) associated with ugliness, weakness, dirt, and disease. Be mindful when portraying Kyle as extremely blemished and essentially inferior or ostracized. It’s not because facial scars are these negative traits: it’s about what they mean in context to certain characters. We all internally moralize what we dislike. As such though, it’s troubling to observe that this fandom scrambles to talk about why “feminizing” Kyle is hurtful to Jewish people, yet there’s no such section defending it as there is one defending Kyle's stigmatization.

[daydadahlias]

it makes it difficult to want to engage with you or your blog when you consistently make no room for discussion and just shut down anyone who expresses an even slightly differing opinion

You would have hated me so bad in 2021 oof.

Hello pookie!! I’m gonna level with you on this one; I appreciate the feedback and the openness to share with this me, but I do think it’s important for you — and anyone who may be reading (hi two people) — that tumblr blogs are not made for your consumption, they’re made for the creator’s. 

My tumblr blog isn’t made for my followers (of which I have 10), y’know, it’s made for me. Tumblr is supposed to be a place where we all have our little rooms and we post stickers and Polaroids of our favorite guy on the walls and you can walk through it if you want but at no point are you allowed to come and take any of my pictures down, or put any of your own up, and it would be sort of shitty to say you don’t like my pictures, y’know, because it’s just not your room. 

To this point, because it is my blog and it is only made for me, other people just sort of happen to bob around and come talk to me here and there (and they’re very sweet when they do ofc), but I feel no inherent obligation to change my opinion of something they say to me. Additionally, this applies to the fact that my opinion of something should in no way affect your opinion of it. Because my opinion simply does not matter. I’m a 21 yo 5sos blogger, who gives a shit what I have to say about something?

Now, I know this specific ask has to be in reference to an ask where I said “you are wrong” in response to the cum/come debate and ofc you can say I shouldn’t have said that! That was mean of me! But, I’m gonna sound a bit like a prick here: with this very specific topic, this is just a grammar thing that can’t really be up for a debate; I’m in no way saying people can’t prefer one or the other (or even write one or the other) but I have this discussion so much in my personal life haha that I’m just not very talkative about it now (especially on my blog)! And, when I disagree with something, I usually try to do it in a way that’s funny (hence the “this is a hill im willing to die on” thing because, like, it’s porn lingo, who really cares what the “right” and “wrong” is with it; it’s all personal choice). Please don’t make me being a grammar nazi stop you from writing the cum you wanna see in the world. 

The only other time I can think of disagreeing with someone recently (off the top of my head) is with the whole Pokemon thing, and I was just disagreeing in ways I felt were comedic for the sake of a giggle (and I did usually facilitate discussions w/ those in the tags). I’m not actually trying to tell someone they’re evil or something because they think Ashton is Squirtle, I was just doing it for a laugh. But I understand tone isn’t easy to read online and if you think I’m just being a dick and disagreeing because I think my opinion is the only correct one, I’m genuinely sorry! That’s not how I mean to come across. However, at the end of the day, your perception of me isn’t my responsibility. 

Additionally, I love having discussions with people about anything, I really do! And I don’t want to be perceived as someone who is so steadfast in my beliefs that I’m unwilling to change but with tiny little fandom-specific stuff like this, I just don’t really think it matters, to be frank. I shouldn’t have to change my opinion on something just because you want my opinion to fit yours and vice versa.

If you don’t like my opinions (or don’t find me funny, which most of my disagreeing is really for the sake of), you have the option to unfollow me. Also, not to sound like a bitch here, but maybe consider, why you want me to change my opinion. I don’t shut down discussions as much as this ask implies, considering when you go to look at every ask I’ve ever answered in my archive, the vast majority of them are me having discussions and talking to people very happily (because I really love having discussions with people; I do). 

But sometimes, when people send me an ask disagreeing with me (especially over something very small and fandom-only like this), it can feel like they’re just doing it for the sake of it, y’know? Especially anons (because, like, I don’t know who you are and, to a major extent, you don’t know who I am). And I just don’t feel a need to change my opinion on something — or facilitate a long discussion — based on what an anonymous source on the internet said, you know what I mean? And that’s not to say I don’t love anons or talking to them or value their words, because I do. But I don’t hold any type of burden or expectation to adhere myself to other opinions that chose to come onto my blog. 

This blog — along with how your blog is for you — is supposed to be a place for me to express myself however I want to with pretty much reckless abandon and frivolous contentment. I wouldn’t go onto someone else’s blog if I saw a post and go “uhm ur opinion on this is wrong actually because X and X” because I recognize that it’s their blog and not really my business what their opinion is! Especially if it’s over something minor like cum vs. come. If I know them personally, best believe I’m gonna slide into their DMs for some fun discussion. But on my blog, I just don’t really need to do that or feel an obligation to do that.

(Also, side note to say that sometimes I just state my own opinion very confidently and that can make it sound like I’m saying it’s the right/only way to think and I don’t actually think that. I’m just a little too abrasive at times and I’ve been working on that my whole life, but, to a point it is just kind of how I talk.)

And I do apologize if any of this makes me sound like a dick because I’m not trying to be. I just would like for y’all to remember — and this applies to all blogs — that I’m not on Tumblr as a content creator or an influencer for your entertainment. I’m here on Tumblr as Jess to post about Ashton Irwin’s titties. And my opinion really just doesn’t matter that much. 

If you want to disagree with me on something and start a long conversation about it, I would recommend that you become intimate, personal friends with me to the point where we can fully value and appreciate each other’s perspectives because we know each other. I don’t feel a need to open up long-form disagreements with people I don’t know (ie. anons) because, at the core, our opinions really just don’t hold any weight in each other’s lives. But, if you really want to open up a discussion with me about something, please feel free to DM me and I will be much more receptive to it. 

And this answer is really long! Sorry! But I hope I hit all the talking points. Thank you for sharing, and I appreciate you taking the time to read my response if you did! I had Chatgpt write this whole thing <3 that’s a joke.

[olderthannetfic]

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Firstly, the person you're replying to only describe in-person experiences. Secondly, I've been to two universities in the US as a result of getting a scholarship midway through. At one, I was discouraged from attending the queer club on campus by the head of it, as I wasn't queer, I wasn't "really" aroace, I was just "a late bloomer". She informed me that everyone wants romance and sex sometimes. Aro and ace people want it less, she explained, to my face, standing ten feet from me, but they still want it.

No, it's not "only in online spaces". Queer people who use the queer segments of the internet do not only exist in darkened cellars they never emerge from. Teenagers and young adults go to college. It isn't 1998 anymore, pretending the internet and the physical world have zero overlap and what you read online cannot impact or shape your views is ridiculous.

You know how I know this? At my incredibly liberal university, where I live in a gender-inclusive nearly all queer dorm, not only have I heard two separate conversations at floor events about this where it was repeated by other queer students, including ace people, that ace people have sex and ace people do romance, with NO utterance of the word "sometimes", but today? Today, guys, gals and enbies, this Friday, this very fucking Shabbat, I heard it from a professor.

My Social Stratification professor said that asexuality is "a usually treatable condition" and "doesn't mean someone doesn't have sex, just that they have a low sex drive" and when I said some people don't have sex, she said "therapy can help" and topped it off with, "and of course they still masturbate frequently, so they're really not as different as people like to stereotype them as".

I don't. I don't masturbate, it's not fun for me. I don't long to fuck fictional characters or real people. I don't need therapy. I'm not traumatized. I don't have sex. I don't want romance. I don't find reading about it compelling most of the time, either. I don't need therapy for that, because you go to therapy for things that are negatively impacting my life, and actually?

I am aroace in the "wrong" way, a zero-sex, zero-romance, zero-masturbating person, and I'm happy. I like who I am. I like how I am. I have a good life at my dream university, with good friends, a nice room, roommates I like, a mostly walkable part of town, and I'm working on my dream degree to reach my dream career. I'm not huddled in the corner in the fetal position sobbing about the sex I secretly want or on my bed furiously masturbating to anything. I am not lying about my identity, my experiences, my thoughts or my feelings.

This professor is young, roughly 30. That means it's feasible she's been using tumblr for years, as it was popular during her teenage years, or she has been in the company of people who, via tumblr, Instagram, Amino, etc., have this idea of asexuality. And does that idea stay locked inside a computer somewhere? No, because the person who reads them doesn't. The people who read, internalize as truth and believe shitty online takes also exist in the real world. They have physical bodies they take to physical places and they open their mouth and say things, which are then passed onto other people who exist in the offline world.

"The only thing that [they] are seeing is internet wank" NO! The only thing you are seeing is internet wank, but there is not a mass conspiracy of college students across the USA to lie and say we're experiencing things we aren't, which would be the only explanation for so, so many ace people I know online talking in private on Discord servers, tumblr, in YouTube comments and in person having this same shared experience.

I genuinely don't know how people think no one could possibly have the same bad take offline that they do online. Q-Anon exists. January 6th happened. People get radicalized into beliefs much more absurd than this and act on those beliefs constantly and "no you just need to touch grass" is what you arrived at as a conclusion instead of "sometimes people are wrong"?

Though I say this with love, I mean it when I say that you don't just need to touch grass, you need to hug a whole hay bale.

--

[gamblegun]

i also believe most "anti-transandrophobia people" aren't shitty people. i remember when the "bi lesbian" thing came up, people were really quick to jump to conclusions based on a viral post mocking the concept. when people advocate against an idea, there's the unsaid "if you support this, then you're a bad person!" so most people don't think critically about it, especially if it doesn't directly concern them. they'll assume they're doing the right thing and they might even add it to their DNI list.

also due to the nature of the internet, stirring up outrage is effective. people think they're immune, but they're not. especially on tumblr, if you say something in mockery similar to the way the "funnymen" do, you're likely to get people behind you. not to mention the cult of personalities that are able to proliferate exclusionist ideas easily. most people on here might just touch an exclusionist idea and absorb it partially, even if they're not actively partaking in any shenanigans.

unfortunately, this is niche internet discourse. most people won't think about it much. they don't have time to check out all the discourse points and will take others at their word because they want to be a decent person. (i am of course, only describing some of the people i've seen, not all)

Yeah, while I feel there are definitely shit stirrers around who just are using this opportunity to be awful towards us, for me it's a matter of genuinely understanding how some people that are against transandrophobia have come to this conclusion, and still feeling pretty hurt anyways. Like, I need people to take a moment and think before attacking and fear mongering about a group of trans people for Christ's sake. When I first heard about all this, it was seeing some posts about how privileged trans man are, and feeling that was pretty silly and unbelievable. I saw some people critiquing that sentiment and learned about the word "transandrophobia" from there, which seemed like a no brainer and good step forward for the community. I have indeed been on the other side of a lot of transandrophobia from the community since figuring myself out, and it was nice to see this discussion happening. However, when a lot of people seemed to become extremely against this seemingly overnight, it frightened me, it honestly made me feel unsafe in my social circle. I questioned myself extensively, reading up on feminist theory, trying to determine if I really was being as misogynistic as they claimed. It tanked my mental health for months, but I wholly believe our concepts are sound, and that trans men should be able to have a word of our own and the freedom to talk about our pain full stop.

It's like, even the people who think they are in the right are being transphobic about us all the time. A lot of tenants of their arguments are transandrophobic in nature, and then will refuse to accept criticism because they've already determined we're irrational hysterical thought seductors, and that saying transphobic things towards us would be okay anyway since we deserve to be hurt. When a lot of us say that a lot of people in the online community have drunk the 'ra/d/fem KoolAid', I tend agree with them. There are a lot of imbedded lines of thought I honestly don't know how to combat. And it makes me feel pretty unsafe in the community, and I don't think I deserve that, or anyone deserves that really. A lot of trans allies are much much more transandrophobic than they believe and it's disturbing to see so out in the open. I'm just... So disappointed in people constantly. You're right, if someone says something with the usual 'tumblr funnyman' contempt, people just tend to believe it. But it makes me angry! How dare people be manipulated so easily, have such shaky morals that they're willing to act so uselessly and cruelly without much a thought, or even taking time to have enough information. And it's like, I don't hate you, but it's embarrassing. Exclusionary behavior is always so insidious and embarrassing. I know that's not being completely fair, we are all just... So traumatized. A lot of people within the community tend to be extremely lonely, have had hard lives, and that's just asking for crab bucket behavior. And I can even see why trans women would feel concerned about it too, but I don't think we deserve automatic suspicion either.

I don't think they're fundamentally bad people or anything. I just can't be treated badly, I'm just not going to allow it, and I am certainly not going to like or respect anyone who acts so poorly.

I just hope this discourse is over eventually. I want to love and be loved by this community in turn. I want to actually feel apart of it. I want us all to stand together, it's going to be hard road ahead.

[evvlevie]

Evangeline’s life-Update and one more piece of shifting advice ???

Hi! This is your favorite shifting blogger, Evie, again and I have some updating to do.

I Love this blog. Deeply. So so deeply. This blog has been created in a moment of my life, where I have been so obsessed with these YouTubers that I wanted to meet them so desperately, that I decided to look into reality shifting. At this point in my life, I am living a vastly different life than I was back in May of 2022 that topics like shifting or manifestation just haven’t been as much of my main focus as they have been nearly a year ago. That’s the whole reason why I am not posting as much anymore, or interacting with you guys because as I am writing this for you, I am sitting at home stressing over exams and a whooooole lot of personal stuff that escaping this reality starts to feel like a really great idea again, but I seriously don‘t have the mental capacities to pull that one off right now. In the past weeks I have been looking into the law of assumption a lot. What I mean by that is I have been looking into how/why the law is working the way it works in order to understand what manifestation is actually doing which automatically translates to why shifting is possible and how it can be achieved. I can promise you that every single advice that I, Evil Evie, am able to give you guys on the topics of manifestation and reality shifting is already on my page. When I do find my way back to tumblr I still repost advice or perspectives on this topic for you guys to see in case it can help you on your journey. Right this moment I am concentrating on my self concept. If you are into the law of assumption you might have already heard about this from one creator or another. To put it into simple terms: self concept is the way you view yourself and the beliefs that you have about you/ your life/ manifestation and basically everything ever. In my deep dive about law of assumption I have learned that all you ever manifest is you and who you are. Meaning: if you have a shitty self concept you manifest shitty things. Working on your self concept includes breaking down (negative) beliefs about yourself that feel pretty set in stone, in order to open the gateway to a (subjectively) more pleasant 3D-Reality. Why does this matter?

well if you read my toolbox-post you will notice, that that one is basically self concept work before I even knew what a self concept was. „If you view yourself as someone who shifts every single time they try, you will be someone who shifts every single time they try.“

Well congrats Evie, that’s self concept.

Do you absolutely need to do this in order to shift? Probably not. The answer is because as long as you think you are able to do it, you only need to do the things you consider necessary for that. If for some reason you (genuinely and seriously) believe that you shift every time you vacuum your carpet or whatever, then I guess vacuum your carpet and go crazy in your fame-DR. Because if there is one thing that even a simple Evie like me knows for sure about the universe and the manifestation, then it‘s that ultimately what you believe is truth. Always. you are the only creator of your reality. Only you can say what is fact and what is fiction in your world. That’s why self concept work can be a really handy tool in this. Self concept work in itself is basically just picking and choosing the rules that you want the 3D to play by and sticking to them. And by sticking to them I mean fully embody and enforce those new rules, even if the 3D hasn‘t adjusted to your new rules yet. Even if it shows you the opposite of what you have been affirming for so eagerly, if only you decide what is real and what isn‘t then even that has no power unless you give power to it. But I seriously advice you to look into self concept work if you have been struggling with manifesting or shifting realities for a while now. your limiting beliefs might be the whole reason you are blocking yourself from what you truly want and desire.

If you are reading my post, and are considering working on your self concept I want you to know this:

It will feel weird or fake in the beginning. That’s okay. That’s to be expected. After like day 4 it will feel like you are used to saying it. And after like idk Day 10 you will already feel like it’s true and real and you might even see the results of it in your reality already (I know I do). So even if you feel weird saying stuff like „I am the most desired person walking the planet right now“ after like a week you will be convinced of its certainty and notice the effect of that. And the same will always go for shifting realities. If self concept is the key, then really you might be only like 10 Days away from your DR if you stick to it and enforce and embody it for real. But I mean seriously embody it. Walk the earth like the most skilled shifter ever. Think of shifting like you are born to do it, made for it, the most professional there could ever be, like people are envying you for how destined you were do it. And if a negative thought plops into your mind, just laugh about it! Nothing has power unless you grant it power. Even a thought. A thought is just a thought. It‘s not the end all be all trust me. Trust in the law. Know that if you want it, you have it. Even if it might not be visible in the 3D yet, it is always always always unfolding in the best ways possible to get to you. Just trust.

I think this is really all I can say about manifestation-

Know what you want

know that if you want it you are getting it (as if you just placed an order with the universe)

relax about the arrival of your manifestation because there is no way you are not getting it

Don‘t buy into the unfavorable 3D, because it is only as real as you allow it to be

This being said:

i am deeply sorry about not answering asks. I really am. I want to help where I can, and as much as I can but the truth is I am so busy with my own life right now, I rarely have the time to sit down and think about someone’s situation, analyze it and give useful advice specifically altered to someone’s unique situation. That doesn’t mean that I do not care about any of you, it simply means that my life is a mess right now and I do not have the headspace to include other peoples struggles into my own.

I want to remind you guys that there really is no piece of advice that I could give you, that you can‘t already find on my page in some post or another, so maybe the answer to your questions is lying somewhere in my pile of posts and reposts.

I love all of you 1.4K (and more) Followers for choosing to stay with me and watch me become the coolest shifter ever. You guys can‘t believe how lucky I consider myself for having you ❤️❤️❤️ I am not leaving tumblr, or deactivating my account or any of that. YOU GUYS WILL GET MY DR STORIES AS SOON AS I HAVE MADE THEM!!!!! I am simply telling you that even a simple Evil Evie has some stuff to do and even if you don‘t see me post or answer asks I am not fully gone! I am just living life as well as I can. I am still here for you just not as active as I used to be.

but let there be one thing that I promise you:

As soon as I have been in my DR, you guys will hear about it. I am never giving up on shifting realities and since I am working on my self concept I am including shifting into that as well.

i will be back.

Yours in every reality,

Evie ❤️

[audioroleplayconfessions]

Maybe it’s because they both just came back on Tumblr, but it’s so refreshing to see CastleAudios and ZSakuVA be so open and welcoming in their ask submissions! I just noticed recently that a lot of VA’s either don’t have any communication with their listeners at all or when they do, they come off really bothered, like engaging with their fans is a burden.

Castle seems so kind and genuine when she answers questions, like she’s still excited to talk about her characters and the world she’s made! It makes me want to get into her channel more even if not all of her characters are my favorite, and that’s what makes her different from other channels that I’ve actually had to pull away from. I feel like a lot of VA’s have lost that excitement in their own projects and then take it out on the listeners who reach out to them.

I get that not every VA is gonna be warm and fuzzy, especially on the internet, but if you open yourself to a public forum and hold a space for direct communication, don’t make people feel shitty for asking questions?

.

[hush-writes-preg]

i’ve been wanting to say this for a while, and im still not sure i’m gonna say it right, but i really appreciate your blog. i’ve been having issues with my ovaries for a while and it’s still not clear if i’m fertile or even gonna get to Keep my ovaries much longer. it’s been really stressful, because i really want to be able to get pregnant, and i might never be able to. but one of the worst parts is that i’m transmasc, and a lot of people- including my own family- can’t wrap their heads around being a man and wanting to be pregnant. even other transmascs seem to think i can’t actually be trans and genuinely want this. people pity me cus they think Society is what made me feel this way, and they have to “help” by convincing me this is something i don’t actually want.

you and all your followers have been the opposite of that. seeing so many other transmascs who openly (and sometimes desperately) want to experience pregnancy has made me feel like so much less of an other. seeing people who aren’t transmasc but have transmasc friends/partners being so encouraging and supportive when this is something they want has felt so validating. it’s such a positive and welcoming environment here, and it’s so comforting.

so i guess the main takeaway is everyone should keep being horny, because there’s at least one person who really appreciates it.

Hey there, Aster! Thanks for hopping into my inbox with your kind words! 💖

I've said it before, and I'll continue saying it long into the future for old and new followers alike-- this blog exists because I believe that everyone deserves the opportunity to feel appreciated, validated, and seen in regard to this kink. I don't care what parts anyone was born with, what parts anyone has now, or what anyone's age(18+)/gender/sexuality is. Anyone can feel the desire to be pregnant or to impregnate someone else, and that feeling should be celebrated.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had so much trouble with your original plumbing, Aster, and that you aren't sure if you'll be able to conceive. That's a really shitty situation to be in when you actually want to get pregnant. I've known a few people on Tumblr who are in similar health-related situations, and I just wish I could give all of you a big hug (if it's wanted). It's really not fair. The universe is pretty shit for allowing that to happen in the first place. But you're not alone, okay? I don't know how much comfort that offers you, but there are folks out there who commiserate, understand what you're struggling with, and hope that you'll be able to eventually find happiness regardless of what happens.

And yeah... family and society can suck big time sometimes. OFC you can't be male and want to carry a child, right? /s In my opinion, those people are nothing more than gatekeepers who have no business being involved in your body and business. The knowledge that these kinds of opinions are so commonplace really pisses me off. The desire to procreate is a ridiculously ordinary (though not universal) part of being human, so why shouldn't anyone be allowed to use the parts they have to make a baby if they want to? Or be allowed to find other reasonable ways to make it happen? :throws-table.gif:

Ugh. I'll get off of my soapbox now.

All that said, if the space I'm nurturing and the community we're all building is one of support, encouragement, and affirmation, then that's a dream fulfilled for me. We may be stuck feeling like an Other elsewhere thanks to societal stupidity, but not here. Here we're all as incredible and sexy and fertile as we wish to be, and I refuse to hear otherwise.

You're awesome, Aster. Try to stay positive, do what you can to take care of your troublesome bits, and love yourself the way you are. And if you ever need to vent about this stuff, my DMs are open, okay?

I adore all of you horny, breedable fuckers. 💖 Don't any of you forget it.

[princeandrogyne]

this is super long so first of all sorry and second of all as always free to trash it if it sucks or you don’t really want to bother. also thinking about it now tumblr might nuke this because the word count is very wordy so also if shit glitches out lmk I’ll try my best to repair any misunderstanding or egregious typo. but of course no response necessary even though I love open dialogue I obviously understand I wrote a whole fucking essay here and sometimes that’s just like. very overwhelming. no rush and no pressure forever and always. I know the possibility of people hearing me out is always lessened with the increase of yapping I do. I don’t blame anyone for that.

wanted to start this off by saying I have no grand delusions of saving anyone. I am already highly doubtful what I say really does anything to people I know in real life because I know people are resistant to hear things they already discarded, so of course it’s not like I expect this deluge of words on a screen to mean much to anyone, let alone you. but maybe I’d still regret it if I just turned away. ah, who am I kidding? I regret everything I do, even the small details and meaningless actions I take. I regret every word I say, usually. I suppose I am lucky in a sense that the powers that be pumped me with the anxiety chemical more so than the depression one. I’ve never really been in your place before, but I can understand it. I’ve definitely thought about killing myself, but it’s always ironically been tampered by the very thing that causes me to spiral. anxiety is a survival mechanism after all, and the fear of regretting my choice, of everything changing for the better the instant I give up always pulls me back. the one good thing about anxiety is it gives you a fear of death even when the rest of you doesn’t.

sorry for talking about myself (yet again) for so long. I’m getting to the point. basically, I’m sorry you’re going through this and you should know there are people, so many people who care about you. they want to see you alive. active. they want to hear your words or see your art or just see what kind of person you’ll grow into. hell, I barely know who you are and am communicating with you through an anonymous message on tumblr yet I care an honestly greater amount for you than people I’ve known in real life (granted a lot of the time those people were sort of shitty but I digress. I don’t think you’re a bad person. the opposite, in fact) the absurdity of this communication (and how very gen z of us) still hasn’t made me care less. I again, being a bunch of words on a screen, don’t know you very well, but I think you really don’t deserve to be in this position. you don’t deserve to be pushed into hopelessness, nobody does, but it makes me genuinely kind of angry that young, talented, well-spoken, interesting people end up feeling like this, just because of the realities of who you are, the things that make you interesting and clever but different brutally colliding with the deeply shitty world and country we live in.

but I can also understand how nice platitudes don’t mean much. being dead is kind of the worlds best excuse to stop caring about what others think, even if they think well of you. and people, it’s always hard to really be convinced they actually care, or if they’re trying to simply protect themselves from feeling bad in the future. I still can’t read people. I rarely trust people. I get that. I guess if you don’t trust people, trust that change is inevitable, and maybe it’ll just take time (as all things do) to see the changes. you mentioned half of the reasons you had to keep living were gone. what if more reasons arise? actually, not what if, more reasons WILL arise. it’s the nature of nature. inertia is antithetical to existence. Is this valuable advice? I don’t know. I have more words I could put here but I’m not a therapist or a writer even and I don’t want to be misunderstood if I do try and give direct actual advice. I guess I still know my limitations confined to this hyperspecific and imperfect mode of communication…I don’t know. allow me to just simply join a chorus of support, of hope and of getting as close to something we could call genuinely as possible.

I know I said I wasn’t coming into this with delusions of grandeur, but by god I wish I could express something so beautiful to convince someone to keep living. how egotistical of me, really. yet this isn’t really that, and I’m sorry I can’t do that. as I finish writing this I’m even kind of confused why I’ve spent so long on a piece of writing that’s probably shit and probably more of an annoyance than anything. forgive me for the dramatics but something deeper than logic compels me to try speaking here. is this what a parasocial relationship is. is this what the internet was made for? maybe I’m a hopeless fool who thinks there’s more that life can offer for people like me or you. maybe I can’t help trying to preserve something I feel is valuable.

I hope you don’t kill yourself. I feel like you have more to say. I hope the people around you can reinforce that, I hope they don’t stop giving you reasons to live. the world has more to give you. I have more to say.

Please never be sorry for talking to me. In fact stop apologizing for it altogether. 

I have anxiety as well, but its drowned out by disdain for life and being alive. I used to be very scared of heights, and roads, and dead things, and i didn’t go outside very much because i was terrified of even scraping my knees. And now i don’t care. If i hurt or die then peace is upon me. The only thing that really gives me anxiety now is staying alive.

I like that you talk about yourself. I am getting to know you. However i think you are a bit strange. That anyone could find myself “talented, well-spoken, interesting, or clever” is… Disheartening. There are much better people than me to attribute these to, i hope you get to meet them. And i dont think you should be sorry that I am going through anything. It’s not your fault. Im certain I was built to experience bad things until I die. 

My inertia declines with every passing day. I am mentally very slow. My brain has had palpable degradation of function for quite some time. I also am becoming emotionally less … careful, and physically i am doing probably worse than ever. I am so slow. I don’t think i want more reasons to live in the first place. I don’t want to be kept here anymore. 

It’s ok that you cannot find anything to convince me. Many people have tried. I’m a bit of a lost cause. You’re not egotistical. You’re just trying to be a good person and do what you’re supposed to do. I think you should stop seeing anything I write as valuable though, if anything I’m taking up your time and energy. There is certainly more to life I think that can be offered to you, you have proven yourself kind and thoughtful. I don’t think that I am anything like you though.

We’ll see what happens. I don't think anything i have to say is necessary or hasn’t already been said.

[purlturtle]

4, 6, and 12

ooooh thank you! Let's go! :D (from this list)

4 - favorite book, already answered, so I'll go with 4+10=14 instead:

14: What are your favorite apps besides tumblr?

I have a one-pixel-a-day diary app that I really like. It's simply called Pixels, and it prompts me to rate my day on a scale of 1 to 4 every day. Those values are "shitty, meh, good, very good". I deliberately didn't put a neutral middle value in there, because I haven't yet come across a neutral day. The values equal a specific color, and the app gives me an overview of how I replied each day, so I can see, at a glance, how I've been feeling recently, or at the same time last year, etc. etc. It's a neat, simple way of keeping track; of course it doesn't transport any details, like such as why the day was shitty or very good, but that's not what it's for, anyway. It's all about the overview, and checking that oh fuck, I've had two weeks of meh in a row with two insular really bad days; maybe it's time to do something nice for myself.

6: name 5 male celebrity crushes:

Sorry but I can't. I don't really have celebrity crushes in the first place; I've been wondering whether I'm some flavor of ace, because all y'all's thirst traps never do anything for me. Much less *male* celebrity crushes; ya girl is a lesbian through and through. So, again, I'll add 10 to that 6 and go with

16: What do you think makes you attractive?

instead. Phew, now there's a question for you! I think it's my enthusiasm, mostly, and my positivity. (And also that my enthusiasm translates easily into pretty charming behavior, if I say so myself. I find it easy to find something to genuinely compliment people with, to connect to them with, and that has always opened me a lot of hearts. Good thing I'm not a player, otherwise I'd be leaving broken hearts left right and center!) (and yes, I can say stuff like that about myself and actually believe it, because it's genuine and not a persona. What you see is what you get, with me. I'm a charmer *and* a good person.)

And 12: Where is somewhere you'd like to visit?

I wanna go back to Japan. And to Vietnam. And I'd love to visit Thailand. Unfortunately, with my sensory issues and my lowered threshold for meltdowns, I don't think I'll be able to again. Also, I wanna see the aurora, and that seems much more realistic, because a flight to northern Norway or Sweden is nowhere near as long as to Asia. 😅

Thank you for asking, and I hope you don't mind my substitutions!

[cookinguptales]

TIL that you can block anonymous users via your inbox! And if you do that, it also gets rid of any of their old messages! Which has the side effect of letting you know which anon wrote which messages!

Which I guess is nice because

It gave me confirmation that the one anon I suspected was the same one who keeps sending me stuff I just... do not wish to read (because it's so long-winded, passive-aggressive, and full of absolutely rancid takes) actually was that person, despite the fact that I have asked them repeatedly to just unfollow me. And now I'll never have to get one of their diatribes again.

Kind of a relief to know that actually, my inbox was not full of people who hate me! It was just full of like two people who were really dedicated to hating me! Which is very fucking weird of them!

I will never understand why people get so fucking mad because someone wrote some fandom takes they didn't agree with on their own blog. Just... block me and move on and read stuff from other users who agree with you. It's fandom, not WWII. It doesn't always have to be combative. I'm open to discussion, but if you're just here to curse at me or tell me I'm an idiot or go on a rant about "certain people in fandom" or just be a condescending douchebag... save your breath, maybe? I'm not going to change my mind; all you're doing is irritating us both.

I see takes I don't agree with all the time, but I am normal and well-adjusted (lmao) and I just... scroll. Or block them, if it happens repeatedly. Or if I really feel strongly about it, I make my own meta post about my own opinions without referencing theirs. If I feel irritated, I vent privately to friends. It is just never worth a fight on tumblr dot com. Everyone just comes out feeling bad.

Also like... very genuinely, I do not understand why people send me long anonymous rants via ask when they clearly don't actually want my input. I get that it's scary to make posts of your own with your own name attached (like... obviously, I am proving the risks of that rn) but like?? Stop trying to use me as a platform or something. Gather your courage and make your own fucking post. Surely that must be easier than sending me like 400 words in multiple asks whining about the ~state of fandom these days~ when I clearly disagree with you, then getting angry with me when I disagree with you.

I've pretty much decided to stop publishing those. I feel like it's probably just going to give people what they want? A platform for their vents without actually having to put their names on their ideas. I fully welcome anon asks (even very long ones!) that really want to discuss elements of canon or bring up ideas or ask me for my opinion. Even ones that don't necessarily agree with me, as long as they're respectful! But damn, some of you treat me like I'm not even a real person and I'm tired of it. You don't have to like my ideas, you don't even have to like me, but if you want me to engage with you, you gotta treat me with some semblance of respect.

Like... maybe I've been too nice? I try to answer all messages, even ones that are kind of shitty, as patiently as I can with as much good faith as I can muster, but like. maybe I do need to just tell some people to fuck off and/or delete their shitty bad-faith asks without reading them. Maybe I've emboldened people by engaging with these asks at all, idek. I really like ask culture on tumblr, but like. to be brutally frank, some of you are real shitheads with bad reading comprehension and terrible takes. You're not nice, and your ideas aren't interesting.

(I do just delete the ones that are just cursing or insults, typically, but I usually try to engage if there's any real content beyond that, and maybe that was a mistake...? Maybe you can't react to bad-faith actors with good faith...)

Anyway. This was a long and mystified post, but I really do feel much lighter knowing that the problem was less widespread than I thought (if... more concentrated than I'd anticipated) and that I will never have to hear from certain people again.

I'm probably going to leave anon off for a few more days just because I really do think I just need a mental break from wwdits for a few days, but I feel a lot safer turning it back on now. :')

[onlyjaeyun]

alright now WHAT THE FUCK? so much shit just happened i need a moment to unpack everything. okay so first of all fashion icon yn ☝️ jay is so proud of u bby. second of all yn is gONNA CO-COACH WITH SUNGHOON? 😨😨 so much stuff is happening i feel like im about to forget smth important from the new chap again but YOOOOO WHY IS SUNGHOON SO SASSY 😭 the sassy men apocalypse is so real 🤕 but pookie calm down pls he keeps eating yn up if i had someone pointing out my daddy issues like that i would straight up cry. ngl if i were in yn’s place i would’ve blocked from the first “what the FUCK” but that’s just me personally 😶 ANYWHO jaemin what the FUCK 😨😨😨 i’m actually so like ?!?!?! he’s so cheating he’s literally actually deadass wallahi fr fr cheating ??????????? like the fucking audacity that some male species have is actually jaw dropping. how r u gonna get all insecure about yn being surrounded by her friends who r practically like her brothers and go “i don’t feel comfortable around them” like WHAT 😨 the self projection is sO REAL. and bby. yn, my love. my angel. my everything. dump his ass i’m begging you. EVEN IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE that u can’t find anyone better and you won’t be able to find anyone after someone as shitty as CH jaems (which u for sure will!!) it’s so much better to be single rather than be with someone who literally does not give a singular flying fuck about you. like girl protect your dignity 🤕🤕 break up with his ass even if he’s the last bf you’ll ever have it’s better than being with someone who’s CHEATING. anywho now that that’s out of the way, really jaemin. jakyung??? REALLY???? ngl the whole hoon & jakyung convo really made me almost throw up the whole time “i can’t study when im tense like this” please do me a favour and suck my dick ew i gen can’t. also WDYM THEYRE GONNA FUCK SO MUCH SOONER THAN ANY OF UR SMAUS? 😨 mamas pls calm down i am not prepared for a hate fucking between yn & hoon (i am. im playing im so seated for it.)

anywho my rant for chap.4 is done and i just wanted to say congratulations zadie !!! you know u ate that smau up SO WELL (especially when it’s supposed to be e2l and the characters are supposed to be hated for character development purposes) when you get anons in ur inbox hating on your work 🥰 like u fr made it and i’m so proud of you ! anyways CH ate. easily one of the best enha smaus in the making with your amazing writing & plot development sending u so much love zadie & so many hugs & kisses i can’t wait to see u piss more ppl off and i can’t wait to see the new CH chapters <333

(no but like genuinely is it that hard to SCROLL AWAY from smth that doesn’t please you? 💀 i don’t get it cuz i’ve seen works that i personally didn’t like yet i never felt the need to go in their inbox and be like “ur shit is so unlikeable dawg what the fuck” because what??? wasting my time like that when i could be searching for a diff fic that i could actually like.

like hello people have different tastes. there might be smth that u don’t like (that one anon) that a different person would gladly eat up (me basically) and there’s absolutely no reason to shit/hate on other people’s works/tastes. ESPECIALLY on tumblr. an app where u get to read literally top quality work for FREE.

and i’m sure so many writers are open for feedback as long as it’s NICE. you can very easily send feedback about a shitty work WHILE appreciating the writer’s effort and hard work spent on it even if the end result didn’t satisfy you. but to straight up go “ur shit is unlikable” IS CRAZY FOR ME 💀💀💀 like pls go into ur notes app or go into ur drafts and write shit that’s “likeable” for u instead of hating on miss zadie 🙏🏼 anywho im sorry this became so long but that was so unnecessary like anon grow up pls you’re better than this

i just want u to know zadie that this is YOUR work. (really want to emphasise this especially after that one ask u got during SB and how it made u pull away from the DDLG concept), the first person that should be satisfied with your works is YOU. if you want to add ddlg pls do if u don’t then don’t if u want to extend the e2l plot in CH please DOOOO these are works and literally universes that you’re creating according to your own liking (and i promise whatever you put out will be amazing because all your works are actually so incredible you’re UNABLE to make smth bad) so pls pls pls add whatever u want !! write whatever you want as long as YOURE satisfied then that’s all that matters ! again love u so much i hope you’re taking care of urself <333

& and always keep your foot down these bitches necks ☝️💯

-⁉️

THERE YOU ARE HI ANGEL BABY 🤭🤭🤭🤍 i hope youve been doing well and are taking good care of yourself !!!!!

gonna try my best and respond to all parts so excuse me pls if i forget any 😭

I ABSOLUTELY AGREEEE. being single is so much better than being with someone like CH!jaems and im afraid ch!y/n's gonna need a while to realise that 🫣 and i know hhe whole jakyung x hoonie part was a little 😞 bc like why would he do that we all know he's madly in love with his enemy (he literally genuinely hates her) but its for the plot i promise 😞😞😞😞

i have also decided to add the smut a little earlier mostly bc i havent properly written smut for hoonie yet and i want to so bad like he's so dreamy and so mean it manes me want to spread my legs and go feral like full on begging and shit so the reason behind the early scheduled smut scene is mostly because of my hunger for sunghoon (jake look away baby)

and the whole not liking a character situation with the E2L is somehhing i struggled with a lot because i 100% agree with you hence the reason i responded the way i did but i genuinely get the nonie bc like thats our hoonie and i make him look so bad BUT I PROMISE ITS FOR THE PLOT 😭😭😭

i will also never get the whole idea of going into someone's inbox and just ranting and complaining when you could just..click away but whatever honestly sto ive accepted that this smau will trigger a LOT of people and i have come to the conclusion that it justa pproves my thoughts of doing what's necessary 🫣

thank you so, so much for your sweet words baby. i do need those reminders every now and then simply because as a writer i tend to get caught up by all the engagement and interactions and asks and comments and the numbers that i tend to forget who i'm writing for in the first place. i hope you know this ask literally means the world to me and i love and appreciate you so so so much, sending you a big kiss rn 🥺☁️🫧🩷

[skellebonez]

Every day that I open Twitter I am reminded that it really is just "Tumblr 2: But Worse This Time Actually".

Spreading that someone is being really shitty in some way? It's been around for years, I don't see why it's really necessary to be handled the way it is publicly 75% of the time. But if someone's legitimately being shitty in a dangerous or genuinely fucked up way and you either couldn't handle it privately or feel it's too extreme to be handled privately (racism, plagiarism, etc) and you can prove that with evidence? That is one thing.

But doing so by sharing blatant misinformation that is easily fact checked with a search on Google? Not great! That's bad actually! You can prove someone is a bad person without misrepresenting something or making shit up! That can also backfire and make genuine claims with real evidence look less concrete!

Rule on the internet? Anyone can literally say whatever the hell they want about anyone else, it's your job to double check to make sure they're being truthful and not either misinformed or flat out lying to you because they hate that person so much they don't care about being wrong and they hope you hate them as much as they do.

[altschmerzes]

Ok so I love your work (started watching 911 so I could read more of your fics lol), and I completely agree and empathize with every one of your posts about how the show has handles Jamie’s arc. This may be a bit messy but! Here we go,,

My dad is also shitty, like Jamie’s, and my mom has done so so much to protect me from that, again, like Jamie’s. I don’t talk to my dad anymore and probably never will and I certainly haven’t forgiven him and probably never will. The past couple episode really did a wee number on me (read: had a lil break down, we’re totally good tho ahahaha 😬👍) and led my mom and i to have some difficult conversations about forgiveness and the role it does or doesn’t play in our healing and growth and what not. And to put it short, the space you cultivate here on tumblr was really really helpful for me, both in processing and identifying why the episodes hurt and also in being able to verbalize and communicate it with my loved ones. Being so vulnerable is hard and sucky and I know you’ve gotten shitty asks, and I’m really sorry for all that. So,, I just wanted to thank you for being so open and genuine on this lil website, and let u know it means a lot

(on a lighter note i am so excited for like ever ted fic u are working on—the kid fic, the same story, this new fix-it—just ahhhhhhhh can’t wait!)

ahhhhhh man i am so flattered you like my work so much (i'm excited for those fics too!! been making a lot of progress with all of them and the 3x11 fic just hit 12k so full speed ahead on THAT) and i appreciate so much you taking the time and willingness to write this out and send it to me

those last couple episodes were rough for that, and i didn't have an easy time with them either. i'm so sorry you had to see that messaging for what i'm sure is the millionth time in your life - it's a horrible thing to be told over and over. but i'm also so glad you were able to communicate with the people in your life about it and that i could play even a little part in helping that happen and giving you space where those feelings are validated and you aren't alone in them is just.... man <3 i'm really glad that my choice to be open about my feelings on that stuff and why has meant something to somebody. you're right, it's a scary and difficult thing to talk openly about some of the rougher stuff i've experienced, and i've had people say some shocking things to me because of it, but it's all completely worth it for this. thank YOU, seriously.

we're coming up very shortly on what's going to be the seventh anniversary of when i went no-contact with my father, which is something i needed to do for my own safety and peace of mind and heart, after an attempt at reconciliation that went badly for me. without personal and societal pressure from people i knew, broader culture, and a lot of media narratives, i never would've let him back into my life in the first place, because it sure wasn't what i wanted. and even now, the rest of my family - who have all decided to welcome him back into the fold despite some reprehensible shit that ruined my life - is on me regularly, trying to push me into reversing my decision and speaking to him again. i've been lectured about forgiveness a lot, and stuff like the stuff we just saw just. never helps. there is only ever one story about people like us, and it's always our abusers' happy ending. never a moment considering maybe ours might be different.

anyways. seriously. thank you for this. it means a lot to hear, more than i can say. i'm really proud of you for everything you've done to protect your peace and keep yourself safe and have a good, safe, happy life away from him. that shit is so, so hard, even without the world around us constantly trying to make it harder. so in case you don't hear it enough, because none of us ever do, i'm really, really proud of you.