#i was reminded that prom exists so thats a thing

[infiniteseriesofhalfways]

Of all the towns in Florida I could have based this story on, I picked the one whose High School posts to Facebook about every two days.

[anakinskywalkerog]

hi olii!!! i feel like i havent popped in to say hello in ages, how are you? what do you think of my new icon? :D

i have been lurking on My Very Soul and i now remember the song i felt really represented anakin and (y/n) - Call You Mine by Bebe Rexha and the Chainsmokers (i think? i just remember the name of the song)

btw, i felt like i should share, but i made an anakin playlist! i keep adding more when i feel like it. i think some midnights belongs on here, so, soon!

i hope you dont mind me ranting to you about everything lmaoo, i cant wait for you to reply back *sheepish grin*

on the sw side: stoked for the ahsoka series soon! i made a new sw friend, she's awesome! we vibe to the prequels, and anakin, and the mandalorian! her leavers shirt was the anakin vs obi wan battle!

on the me side: things have been good! everything has picked up and got better since the whole diary fiasco, despite what i thought! i even made up with the girl who i said some awful thngs about. she's a swiftie, so it's easy XD (also she is machete's gf's bestie). she told me she got eras tour tickets, im so happy for her! her lit exam was literally on speak now tv. legend. i'm glad we're not fighting anymore. i made new friends, kept some of the old ones. if i could go back... i dont think i would change a single thing :") our finals are over, we're officially out for the summer (prom was amazing) ive been really really happy, and i hope you are, too ❤

on the sad beautiful tragic love life of sythe side: well, maybe not so sad or tragic, because... *drum roll* i have a boyfriend now! he is neither machete boy, or cranberry hehe. he's perfect and i adore him :D let's call him eli, but he sends me good morning messages, and has adorable nicknames for me, and makes me feel amazing ✨

it seems like machete and i have just magically cleared stuff up between us? he certainly doesnt seem to harbour any resentment towards me, or anything. we talk rarely when cranberry's with us, sort of like a mediator ? (cranberry is the unfortunate and accidental middleman lol, literally) although we do most of the talking without cranberry, sort of ignoring cranberry being there. we even have a snapstreak going. i've made peace with [the idea of] his girlfriend (she turns up in his snaps but it doesnt bother me anymore!) ; i found her tiktok and spotify a while back (not that i was looking for it). she has a playlist for machete with a bunch of swiftie songs too haha. it's different from mine. i think mine got really crazy because its sort of a mix between him and some other people, too, plus some songs are just there because i like them lmao

cranberry also has a girlfriend too now, i'm friends with her, but we're not close. it was sort of rocky between us for a while, and some weird stuff and some not cool stuff happened, but we stayed friends :) if i'm being honest, she's not the first person i would ship with him, but if he's happy, i'm happy!

another friend i might have dated is still around haha. let's call him han solo, because thats who he reminds me of. he's also cranberry's best friend! (he and cranberry insisted i write a fanfic for them hehe it was hilarious and caused chaos but everything's good!) he probably knows about eli by now. my friend, let's call her luna, is the captain of the sythe x han ship, but eli exists, and she knows it. but, she'll always ship me and han, i guess. he's nice, too. we only became friends in the period after everything with mchete and cranberry, so i don't think you've ever heard of him? but we had a blast towards the end of the year. we might even go to school together next year? i don't particularly want to make major life decisions over a guy who isn't even my boyfriend, but if we do, i would be really happy :)

all in all, i suppose it is a lovely end to a chaotic but perfect year ❤ i hope everyone gets all the love they deserve and live up to their full potential! it's made me realize that life is full of ups and downs, highs and lows, heartbreaks and falling in love, but in the end, everything always works out! i don't believe in luck, just hard work 💪

lots of love,

sythe x

hi sythe omg sorry I missed this!!! good to hear from you ❤️ new icon is very cute

omg I’m so happy your life is going so well!! happy for u that you found a nice bf who and that you are getting along with those girls. hopefully some of your good luck will rub off on me 🤦‍♀️ glad to know there’s still a bit of intrigue with this han guy. but you should definitely not make life decisions for a guy…there will be plenty more guys 😂 trust me. but eli sounds super sweet

thank you for sharing your playlist and also, I am SO excited for the Ahsoka series!! also glad you made a star wars friend!

my life has been a bit of a mess this summer haha but such is LIFE sometimes we are chaotic girls and I am just weathering until the storm passes currently

check in again soon! ❤️

[secret-engima]

spideypoolalways

Does Regis ever ask how Titus has papers for the boys? Whats Cor or Clarus' PoV of this? What are some things (fluff or humor) that the boys get up to? Because I can see them getting adopted into the Ulric Clan because of shenanigans and Nyx going 'Yes, these are my people' since LCs just remind me of Ulrics with magic. And how do the Galatians take to the nephew of the Nif Chancellor and clone of the Crown Prince? Since I'm imagining that Titus told some of them and the

spideypoolalways

rest are guessing anyway. And does everyone assume that Noctis and Nox's magics resonated since they're kinda sorta close to each other/are the same person? How does Regis take the news that the only reason that Noctis got healed is because Nox pretty much felt everything Noctis did? /Both/ of his sons were basically attacked by a daemon and he only knew about one of them at the time and didn't do anything to calm or reassure Nox? (Clarus: Only because you didn't know

spideypoolalways

About him, Regis. Regis: Thats no excuse, Clarus.) Does Iris get to be a Shield or did Nox latch onto Axis or one of his kids? Does Acastus find Prompting and drop him off with Noct/Cor? Does Nox hang out with Noct, Ignis, Gladiolus and Prom all the time or does the memories act up enough to make him feel weird about it? How does Regis take his brother and son's Sick Days? What about Dissidia? The 3 youngest Royals getting snatched and the group watching on Crystal

spideypoolalways

Vision? Dad Titus/Regis freaking out over their kids having been summoned to a death match? And how exactly does Titus see the boys? Sons, brothers, cousins? Oooh, more Trauma. Noct, Nox and Acastus w/others playing and end up in the Crystal room. Cue the boys lighting up, maybe passing out because the magic hits their young system really hard (its why Royals aren't supposed to be Presented until 18) and everyone freaks out, and news makes it to Regis and Titus that they

spideypoolalways

Are in the infirmary and the gist of what happened via panicked guards and rush there immediately and are jumped by panicked kids talking and crying about what happened. I didn't realize I had so many questions. But now I need to know. 👀👀 Please!🙏

spideypoolalways

Oh! Just remembered a little more! Does anyone pick up on the people/places that he shouldn't know? Do they assume that Nox got some of it from Noct, like with the Marelith? Or are they assuming LC/ Oracle DNA mix?

Me: Yes, Regis asks about the papers and Titus doesn’t OUTRIGHT admit he did an illegal but he does grudgingly explain that he needed papers in case the NIfs came looking and he ... knows ... a few people who can help ... “recreate” papers for refugees who lost theirs in whatever fire or tragedy drove them from their homes.

Regis mulls over that for ten long seconds then blatantly pretends he never heard it in the first place. Those “people” likely saved the life of his son and half-brother, he can let it slide this once.

I need Nyx Ulric to adopt these two now JUST so Nyx can tease that he’s related to Captain (then later when he learns that they’re Lucis Caelums he can quietly die in a corner because OH NO HE’S RELATED TO THE KING). Not sure how or when Nyx adopts them, but he absolutely does.

It probably happens when he's just a wee bit sloshed. Not enough to be incoherent or insincere, but enough that he doesn’t feel any fear offering to adopt the pair while babysitting them because Captain had to work late and Nyx is off the combat roster until his ankle heals. Once he’s sober he is a Panic™, but Captain takes it surprisingly well and Nox loves his new braid. Acastus just looks Amused™.

Lib slaps Nyx over the head because IDIOT THINK THIS STUFF THROUGH then gives him another drink because TWO MORE ULRICS. It’s a good thing Nyx is an Ulric Keeper in this AU, because he can teach them most of the Ulric Clan stories and dances and make them proper Ulrics.

Acastus loves introducing himself as Acastus Ulric Drautos, both because it’s fancy like “Lucis Caelum” is and also because it made both Titus and Nyx spit their coffee the first time they hear it.

The Galahdians ... have mixed feelings at first. But the predominant one is that it doesn’t matter that this kid is clearly related to the Chancellor (at first they all think the Chancellor bedded Captain’s Aunt, since they don’t know about the LC blood, and that’s why he looks like Ardyn) because Captain has clearly staked a claim on him. Galahd (in my HCs) is a Very Adoption Heavy culture and big on judging people by their current family rather than any previous blood ties, so ... mostly the Chancellor thing gets intensely ignored. Acastus isn’t an Izunia, he’s a Drautos (and then later an Ulric). So they will treat him as such.

But in private there is some debate on exactly what happened, for the Chancellor to vanish around the time his ... relation (son? They mostly assume son), shows up in Drautos’s care.

No few number of them think Titus stumbled on Ardyn with the two kids and killed the Chancellor to save them.

For Nox ... the Lucis Caelum blood is basically impossible to hide. This boy LOOKS like a literal carbon copy of the Prince but younger and he’s young so his control over his magic is ... not. Not that good. Especially not when there’s so mUCH of it.

All of Galahd listened to the Glaive who was on babysitting duty when Nox had a rare tantrum and skewered the wall with ghostly blades and all privately, immediately agree to Never Tell Anyone. Ever.

Well. To be fair, they do debate whether they have a duty to tell Regis, but again the Adoption Culture comes into play and they decide it’s up to Titus to spill that secret. A few Glaives do ask Titus about it (Titus nearly has a heart attack because SINCE WHEN DID THEY KNOW) and when they ask if they know who the mother was, Titus looks very grim and very, very quiet for a long time, then admits:

There is no mother. There never was.

They stare at him in confusion until Acastus, lurking nearby with too-sharp eyes, gives a smile that could cut and says brittlely that “amazing things that can be done with science these days you know. Truly amazing. Why, get a blood sample and a tank of the right solutions and you could probably grow anything you wanted”.

The Glaives are Horrified™. So is the rest of Little Galahd when it gets around and then is made a Clan Secret by all the Clans unanimously. The secret never leaves the borders of their little slum.

Also yes, people assume that Noctis’s and Nox’s magic resonated because Nox is a clone and it freaks them out.

Regis is Such A Guilt when he finds out how Acastus knew about Noctis’s injury. No it doesn’t matter that he DIDN’T KNOW NOX EXISTED. One of his son’s (his FIVE YEAR OLD son) was suffering. Was screaming in agony and terror and Regis didn’t do a THING about it and no amount of logic can make that better.

Nox latches onto Axis’s triplets in this AU so while Iris will be best friends with him, his Shield, Hand, and Sword are actually all made up of Axis’s three kids. Axis is a BIT of an internal Scream when Nox is at the age people start making noises about him building a Retinue and taking Iris as his Shield and Nox goes, “NO. I have a Shield already! A Hand and Sword too!” And stuff spirals out to reveal Axis as Clarus’s kid (Clarus takes it much better than Axis thought he would, tho Axis didn’t expect to see Lord Amicitia go deathly pale and sit down hard in the nearest chair).

Honestly Iris might be the future love interest in this AU you never know. It would be hilarious if nothing else.

Bold of you to assume Acastus didn’t find Prompto early and bring him home to NOX because “Look Beloved Nibling I Found You A Friend!”. Prompto is a confusion because Nox is like- 4 at the time. But Prompto likes babysitting and playing with Nox and hearing Acastus’s stories and Titus just kinda- sighs his way through the playdates until he realizes that Prompto has been staying in his house for about two weeks with no sign of the parents.

Titus, after much snooping later, sitting at the kitchen table of Grandma Ostium quietly pulling his hair out: HOW DO YOU ADOPT A THIRD CHILD. DOES IT COUNT AS KIDNAPPING IF THEY COME OVER AND STAY WITH YOU FOREVER AND THE LEGAL PARENTS NEVER NOTICE. ACASTUS WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME.

Acastus: I regret nothing. Do you want me to fake Prompto’s death? I’m sure there’s enough Prompto’s out there that nobody will notice if you gain a nephew called Prompto Drautos.

Titus, holding his face in his hands while Grandma Ostium laughs at him in the corner: NO, ACASTUS. DO NOT FAKE THE DEATH OF THE CHILD. How do you even know how to do that? Nevermind I don’t want to know.

Roughly a year later when Everything Gets Revealed, Titus and Cor: *intense staring contest over Smol Blond Child*

Cor: You don’t know where he-

Titus, growling like a cranky Behemoth that might very well bite off someone’s head: He’s a Niflheim created clone. I know.

Cor: ....

Titus: He's been living in my house for a year. I’ve seen the barcode. It’s not like I wasn’t raising one already.

Cor: His legal parents-

Titus: Is me. The Argentums were emotionally neglectful and didn’t even notice when he hadn’t come home for a week and a half.

Cor: *guilty angry silence*

Titus: ...Kid could use an uncle. If you want to man up and be part of his life.

(hgfhg this is post is getting long Imma try to speed through the last questions a bit)

Yes, Nox hangs out with the Chocobros when he can because he adores them (especially Brother Prompto and Team Mom Iggy) but he also has his own friend group in the Little Galahd community so it doesn’t strike anyone as odd really. Nox is a naturally loving child for all he’s shy and Iggy and Gladio are Noctis’s friends and Prompto is his adopted brother (and later Noctis’s best friend).

Regis does Not take the Sick Days well. It makes him alarmed and angry because Lucis Caelums aren’t supposed to get sick days from their own magic and it speaks of BAD THINGS that both of the presumably experimented on and tortured LCs have them.

I’m going to have to come back to Dissidia another time (someone remind me) because this post is too long to ramble here but it would be- it would be Great. Honestly. It would either be the 3 littlest, just Acastus, or just Acastus and REGIS for some brotherly bonding and any of them would be Great and Chaotic. Crystal-o-vision absolutely happens.

The Crystal Room is under 24 hour guard so I don’t think the kids could wander in by accident, plus Acastus would actively avoid the area because of his Trauma.

Now Acastus being presented when he turns 18 on the other hand... >:))))))

Short Version: Much shouting, much alarm, much angst from Regis and Titus and everyone and also the first Sick Day Acastus has had since he turned 17 and by far one of the worst he’s ever had in his (second) life.

I might to a longer version later but not right now.

For Nox’s oddities and odd knowledge they kind of assume both? At first they think it’s just him resonating with Noctis so deeply that there’s a transfer (cue angst from Regis because what is going to happen to Nox when Noctis fulfills his destiny as Chosen King???) but then when Nox starts knowing stuff Noctis doesn’t/can’t know, they start to wonder if the scientists ... Tampered with his DNA. If they got their hands on Noctis’s, which should have been impossible, then it’s not all that out there they got their hands on Oracle DNA.

Sylva is ... very alarmed and very confused when Regis secretly contacts her on a secure encrypted line to ask if there were any ... symptoms to look for in an Oracle child. Because- yes there were but WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?

Regis: they wouldn’t happen to be *lists very specific things*

Sylva: ....Have you seen any Messengers nearby lately.

Regis: Carbuncle, a black puppy that disappears into thin air, and a bird woman who can summon wind storms. She calls herself Garuda.

Sylva, having a minor crisis behind her Queenly Facade: I am Very Sure I only have two children so please explain this. Right Now.

Regis: Well............. NiflheimclonedmysonandIthinkmixeditwiththednaofyouoryourdaughterandhehasseerpowersandImayormaynotbepanickingrightnowpleasehelpme.

Sylva, slowly running that over in her mind and figuring out what Regis just said:...

W H A T.

XD Honestly Niflheim might invade Tenebrae only to find the royal family gone because Sylva coincidentally packed her backs and took her and her children on a secret trip to Lucis to have a look at Nox, then since they’re there when Niflheim invades and a spy gets word on what just happened Sylva and Co just- stay there. Oracle Mom Death averted.

Also they absolutely think that it’s Luna’s DNA they used to make Nox because of how instantly Nox gloms onto Luna like a limpet- JUST like he did with Noctis and Regis, and how Luna gets this dazed look in her eyes as their magic tangles and she whispers, “I ... I know you. I know you, don’t I Little Prince? I met you in a dream.” Luna starts crying softly as she pets Nox’s hair and when Sylva asks in alarm why she’s crying, Luna blinks and whispers, “Because he was crying in the dream, and I couldn’t comfort him.”

Acastus lurks in the shadows, watching it all with ... very mixed feelings.

Oracles. He could have gone his entire second life without meeting anymore Oracles. Aera she looks so much like you is that what our daughter would have looked like and oh astrals I KILLED her. I killed the girl with your eyes and your smile and laughed about it later.

[imaginesbyem]

Prom Queen - Stiles Stilinski

Summary: (Y/N) struggles with feeling invisible when compared to her best friend. 

Loosely based off of the song Prom Queen by Caitlin Turner. 

“Can you hold this for a sec?” Allison asks me as she passes me her bag, not waiting for a response. I hold onto it while she slides her jacket on, even though the weather was way too hot to be wearing leather.

“Super cute Al!” I hear a voice shout out, only for my gaze to meet Lydia Martin’s. Well, the side of her face at least. “Totally ties in the boots. Scott will go crazy for it!” She laughs. I stand there awkwardly, still holding onto Allison’s bag. I feel like some weird doorman who spies in on his client’s personal lives. “Oh! Also, I haven’t heard back from you about this Friday!” 

“Sorry Lydia! I’ve been flat out studying.”

“What’s this Friday?” I ask, trying to join into the conversation. Lydia looks at me as if I’m pulling her leg.

“Lydia’s Annual Halloween Party!”

“I thought we were watching reruns of the It Tele Series?” I asked, genuinely confused. 

“Oh, I completely forgot! Sorry Lyds.”

“Why don’t you just come along too, (Y/N)?” Lydia asks nonchalant but is met with laughter from both the girls. “What?”

“Parties just aren’t really my scene.” I giggle. 

“Could’ve fooled me.” She jokes resulting in a frown finding it’s way to my face. “But, if you change you’re mind, the invitation is still extended. I just had a plan ready to finally get Scott and Allison together!” She smiles. I’m instantly hit with a pang of guilt. “See you in 4th.” She nods to Allison and leaves.

“You should go.” I spit out quickly before I change my mind. 

“What? No. We have plans.” 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to be the reason you and Scott don’t get together.” 

“(Y/N), if Scott and I are meant to be together then it’ll work out. I’m sure there will be another ‘Annual Lydia Martin Party’ soon enough, anyway.” she chuckles

“I know but I feel like I’m holding you back.”

“Don’t be silly. You know I only chose to move to this school so we could hang out more!” I’m stumped. I don’t know how to respond and Allison knows it’s going to eat me up inside. “Come with me.” 

“What?”

“Come on, it’ll be fun! We can just drink and talk shit all night!” 

“I don’t know...”

“Think about it. Please?” I just sigh and finally hand back her bag which I realised I had been anxiously clutching onto. 

--------------------

“I can’t believe you roped me into this.” I say as I try on yet another outfit of Allison’s. The party was costume, so naturally I brought a hockey mask and a flannel and called it a day. But, apparently that wasn’t what the girls would be wearing. Allison tried to explain that Lydia’s parties are different to our ones. When it’s Halloween, its really how slutty can you dress. When its Christmas, again, how slutty can you dress. Basically every party is a frat boys dream in disguise. 

“That looks awesome!” I stare down at the sexy Poison Ivy costume she had ordered online. 

“I look like I’m trying to get arrested for drug possession.” Allison groans. “Forget it. I shouldn’t even be going.” 

“No, no, no! I’m sorry! I just want you to grab the attention of a special someone tonight!”

“Who?”

“Oh, come on. You basically drool every time Stilinski walks in the same room as you.” 

“You make me sound like I have severe mental issues.”

“Well....” She jokes and I grab a pillow, throwing it at her. We laugh as we continue throwing things at one another. “And you thought dressing up was the only frat boy dream we’d be acting out tonight.” She laughed as we realised how cliche a pillow fight was.

“Okay. I think I’m gonna wear the vampire costume then. It’s the only one with a portable blanket I can wrap around myself.” I laugh as I pick up the cloak. 

“Fair enough. I’ll go for the witch then!” Allison says as she grabs the mini dress.

“That’ll definitely put Scott under some kind of spell.” I laugh.

“That’s the plan.” She winks.

-------------

“Allison! You came!” Lydia squeals as we walk through the door to the backyard. Eyes turn towards us and I feel my cheeks heating up and Lydia hugs Allison, and goes into some conversation about boys. I stand there, not knowing how to contribute whatsoever to the conversation, but  from the looks of it, no one really notices me awkwardly standing around, waiting. So a bit of a plus side I guess. 

“(Y/N/N), I’ll be back in a sec. Lydia’s gonna introduce me to one of her guy friends. I’m guessing to try to make Scott jealous.” She giggles. “I’ll meet you by the drinks table in 20.” She calls out as Lydia drags her away. Great.

I look around and realise the people here are all complete strangers. Yeah, I may have spoken to a couple of them once or twice, but never for more than a few minutes at a time, and never about anything other than school or homework. I sigh and help myself to the drinks table, skulling a drink and then pouring another. 

“Woah. Tough night for you too?” I hear a voice behind me chuckle. 

“You wouldn’t believe.” I muttered only to turn around and be met with the brown eyes belonging to Stiles. Somehow, he’s the only guy that doesn’t look straight through me. I feel like when he talks to me, he is actually listening and intrigued in what I have to say. “Stiles!” I say in surprise.

“(Y/N)!” He repeats, imitating my shock. “What’s up?” He says, motioning to the drink.

“Trying to forget I exist.” I laugh but a slight frown settles on his face. 

“And why’s that?”

“Just wanna be like everyone else I suppose.” I try to joke. The words flew out of my mouth before I had the chance to catch them in my throat.

“Don’t I know how that feels.” Stiles says as he stares off, drinking from a freshly poured cup. 

“You’re kidding. Stiles, you’re impossible not to notice!” I laugh.

“Not so sure about that. Don’t forget, it wasn’t until Scott became the ‘True Alpha’ that people even started looking somewhat in my direction. I followed Lydia like a lost puppy. She probably doesn’t even remember me doing it.”

“Don’t be stupid Stiles. I loved listening to the snarky comments you made back in class.” Stiles smiles softly at me before being bumped into by some strange guy running past. I feel my white shirt get doused with the red liquid.

“Shit, I’m so sorry!” Stiles says, reaching to wipe the drink off of my shirt.

“Stiles!” I shout and he quickly realises what he’s doing. 

“Fuck. Sorry, (Y/N).”

“It’s okay! Now it just looks like I’ve been feasting on blood” I say, motioning to my vampire outfit. Stiles laughs slightly, shaking his head.

“It looks like you’re going to freeze. Here, come with me.” Stiles says as he grabs my hand. I feel my heart flutter slightly as he protectively leads me towards the stairs, pushing through the crowd that pays us no attention. 

Stiles pushes open a door which leads to Lydia’s bedroom. “Sit down, I’ll grab a wet towel.” As Stiles runs off, I look around her room. Photos featuring Lydia and her many friends litter the room. But my eyes stop on one. Lydia’s arms are thrown around Stiles as she smiles widely. 

“What ya looking at?” I jump, hearing Stiles so close behind me that I could almost feel his breath on my neck.

“Jesus! Scared the hell out of me!” I say, holding my hand to my chest. “Just admiring all of Lydia’s photos.”

“Yeah, she has a lot of friends.” Stiles says matter-of-factly. “Here’s your towel.” He says as he holds up a damp cloth, obviously wanting to avoid what happened only a few moments ago. 

“Cheers.” I sit down on the bed and begin trying to wipe down the mark. Stiles sits next to me and watches on, not knowing what to say. “You know whats funny? I’m sitting here, trying to get punch out of my shirt, and it’s still more fun than what I was expecting.”

“What do you mean?” Stiles chuckles at my hopelessness. 

“I mean, every time I’ve ever gone to one of these stupid parties I just stand around waiting for my friend to be ready to leave.”

“If I knew thats how you felt I would have kept you company.”

“Nah, it’s okay. You were probably too busy running after Lydia anyway.” I giggled.

“Don’t remind me.” He sighs. 

“Don’t worry Stiles. It’s every guys dream to be with the hot popular girl. You’re not breaking any barriers.” I roll my eyes, teasing him.

“It wasn’t even that though. I guess it just felt like that’s what I should want. I always struggled with feeling invisible so I thought that the perfect solution would be to have the girl that everyone loves, love me. I don’t know, it sounds kinda stupid when I say it out loud. Must be all the punch” Stiles forced out a chuckle.

“It’s not stupid!” I place my hand on his leg, comforting him. He smiles softly up at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I didn’t realise you felt that way.”

“Yeah, well I’ve kind of gotten used to being in the background I suppose.”

“Trust me I know how you feel.”

“What?” Stiles turns his head towards me in confusion.

“It’s not that surprising. The only time people look at me is when Allison introduces me to them.” I laugh.

“That’s not true. I watch you all the time!.. Wait- that sounded creepy.” He laughs.

“Not wrong there.” I chuckle.

“I just meant, you’re so interesting to watch. You’re always pulling that weird face when you get confused in class, and your reactions when Scott and Allison attempt to flirt is priceless.”

“What can I say, it’s horrific. Like, just ask her out to dinner if you want to date. Stop circling around it.” I laugh, thinking back to every class with Scott trying to get Allison’s attention.

“That easy, huh?” The right side of Stiles’ face widens into a smile.

“Well I mean, I think sometimes you just have to make the leap and not be worried about falling.” I say, looking straight into Stiles’ eyes. 

“That’s a really interesting opinion. I’d love to hear you discuss it more. Maybe over dinner?” 

“I-. I’d love to.” I giggle at his poor attempt to ask me out.

“Wow. I guess it really was that easy.” Stiles half-mutters to himself.

“Hold your horses, Stilinski. You could always ruin it by trying to share my desert or something.” I giggle.

“Well, I guess we’ll see if it looks worthwhile wasting a couple years of mustering up the courage to ask you out. Probably not. Unless it’s passionfruit. Then you’re a goner.” He jokes with a slight smile on his face, struggling to maintain his seriousness. 

“Ha. Ha.” I smile, looking deeply into his eyes as I feel his thumb brush over my hand. “We should probably head back downstairs. Allison will be wondering where I am.”

“Let her wonder.” He smiles, convincing me to linger in this moment of bliss a minute more.

(A/N: I haven’t proof read, so sorry if there’s a couple of mistakes. I’ve been putting off posting for a bit so I know I just need to stop second guessing or it’ll never make it’s way out of my drafts :P ).

[daisy--sorbet]

also uhhh some fantasy high thoughts that ill put under a readmore bc i dont think anyone cares but i dont know how to shut up so

i still dont know what i expected but for some reason i didnt expect brennan to sound like he does??? i have no idea why or what gave me the idea otherwise, nor do i know what i thought he would sound like, but it was a ‘oh! okay then’ experience

[fun fact i was talking to my friend bee the entire time i was listening to the first half of the first ep so im just retreating into those dms to find my initial reactions]

i did not remember fabians name for a majority of the first two episodes. i did go ‘haha, mood’ at his mom just... having a goblet of wine at 9 in the morning like me too tho

i heard ‘applebees’ and i legit had to sit there like ‘did. did i hear this right. is her last name applebees? is it?’ and bee had to inform me that yes, her name is kristen applebees.

“shes big into the corn god” and i just go ‘finally, someone i can understand’ because fun fact i fucking love corn.

i CAN and WILL die for gorgug. i love him so much. i love him and his parents and their literal tree house and their lil songs. 

also there was just ‘please dont sing’ and his dad puts down the ukulele sadly and i was like LET HIM SING 

adaine’s introduction basically had me going ‘whats a gender-neutral word for lad/lass....’ before she spoke because i didnt know who this would be and also i just had a moment of ‘is??? there a word???’

also i love adaine. my rude anxiety wizard. (wizard? warlock?? sorcerer??? i dont know what her class is)

[it was at this point i had to get my sketchbook because i was running out of things to keep my hands busy and while i do want to get into knitting, i dont have the things to do that.]

[this is unrelated but i just randomly went ‘i miss lup’ and this mood is still a mood. i miss lup.]

i adore riz. so much.

i went “CLUTCHES HEART” and bee immediately knew what i had just heard (the cereal scene)

it was at that moment that i decided to stan riz’s mom.

the only things i knew about, from tumblr, was brennan’s existence as a dm and also the gay smooch that happened like really recently so i just go ‘wheres the gay one. the one that tumblrs going crazy over. the fire one. the one i mistook for aubrey once-’ and i was sadly informed that she isnt in this season :(

BUT i love fig.

“is someone going through her edgy phase? i support her” was my initial reaction. i love her.

fabian punched gorgug and i was very very distraught. i was like “NO THATS MY BOY DONT HURT HIM HE JUST HAS A METAL FLOWER” 

i also later went “i just like the sad ones” because i feel like sad characters exist and i immediately go ‘me too. ur my fave now’ 

‘fantasy high ep 1: everyone gets their asses kicked’

i literally lost my shit when edgelord was kicked out of the theatre department because ive been apart of theatre for years and its so wild to see someone get kicked out of the theatre department. 

ep 2 was just me going ‘corn gremlin? i cant believe in im fantasy high-’ 

‘ep 2: everyones fucking dead’

to be fair: i also didnt talk to bee that much for ep 2 because i was at work and/or walking to and from my apartment and work so

i still deeply appreciate riz just. having a gun. 

the principal dude came in and was monologuing and i was like. in the middle of counting change. and then he was like ‘and then he takes out a gun’ and i almost lost my shit. if it werent for the fact i was at work, i would have absolutely lost my shit

hoot growl hoot growl

(i then realized i forgot to sign out of work)

riz gets yeeted. rip riz. loved u, bro.

it was at this point that i was like ‘gorgug reminds me of that guy from that one monster game - fuck whats it called’ and i realized it was monster prom and i had to google the character and its brian

also i love gorgug. 

[swiftorbust]

One Thing I Learned From Each Track on Lover

1. I Forgot That You Existed:

Sometimes the people that you think are going to be there forever end up showing you their true colors in times when you need them most. Just because you’re committed to sticking by them through the good and the bad, doesn’t mean that they’re willing to do the same. You don’t have to hate each other, you don’t have to fight, you can just move on: Indifference.

“It isn’t love, it isn’t hate it’s just indifference.”

2. Cruel Summer:

There will always be a newer, shinier, better version of what you may already have. It’s a good reminder that what you want might now be the best thing for you.

“Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes.”

3. Lover:

When you’re with the right person for you, you feel safe, valued and heard. You can travel through life with a set of rules thats unique to your relationship and your relationship only. Nothing else matters.

“This is our place, we make the rules.”

4. The Man:

To put it simply, human beings are not all equal in some people’s eyes. Minorities have to work twice as hard to get to the same point as someone more privileged. And even if/when you get there, your successes are still questioned.

“They wouldn’t shake their heads and question how much of this I deserve.”

5. The Archer:

Recognize who you are at face value: the good, the bad and the ugly. Acknowledge your weaknesses and start to take ownership. You’re worthy of love and kindness, but if you don’t work on the flaws within yourself, no one will stay for what you have to offer.

“Who could ever leave me darlin’, but who could stay?”

6. I Think He Knows:

If your heart isn’t skipping beats, it ain’t it sis. That feeling of butterflies every time you see someone is so important in a relationship. That sense of longing someone and missing them when you just left them an hour ago; that’s something special. 

“You’ve got my heartbeat, skippin’ down 16th Avenue.”

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince:

We’re in a very scary time for many reasons, but a change in the world of politics is vital. We as American citizens need to recognize and stand up ourselves, our communities, and most importantly, those who are unable to fight for themselves.

“American glory, faded before me. Now I'm feeling hopeless, ripped up my prom dress.”

8. Paper Rings:

Love trumps any and everything. If you were to lose all of your material things tomorrow, what would your relationship look like? Would there be a strong foundation of love, respect and loyalty? Or would everything crumble because it wasn’t built on those factors? For better or for worse, if you care about someone at the most fundamental level, you’ll want to be there for everything.

“I want to drive away with you, I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays.”

9. Cornelia Street:

There’s no point in playing games - don’t way too long to show your hand. Lean in, follow your feelings and don’t hold anything back. Passing the chance you have to be vulnerable and reveal your feelings can hurt way more in the end than the idea of being rejected. What if it doesn’t work out? But what if it does. Things will fall into place, but you need to help gravity  a little bit on the way down.

“But then you called, showed your hand. I turned around before I hit the tunnel, sat on the roof, you and I.”

10. Death By A Thousand Cuts:

Sometimes love isn’t enough between two people. Sometimes, two people aren’t meant for the long haul. People are placed Into your life for certain reasons at certain times to help you change, evolve and grow. The worst goodbye is one you don’t have a reason for.

“I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up. Chandelier still flickering here cause I can’t pretend it’s okay when its not.”

11. London Boy

Love is supposed to be fun, playful, giddy and make your heart flutter. Showing your significant other your hometown, having them meet your best friends and doing the things you love to do with them is what a relationship is all about. Don’t sweat the small stuff and actually enjoy your time together, whatever you’re doing.

“He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet, darling I fancy you.”

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

The age-old tale of you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Any loved one with cancer is a terrifying thing, and knowing that your best friend and confidante could be taken away from you at any moment Is a pill that you’ll never be able to swallow. Losing my mom to Breast Cancer, this song perfectly, yet simply,  translates the fear, irrational hope and constant desire to make anything you can better for the person going through this.

“And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you?”

13. False God:

Believing in something whole-heartedly doesn’t make it true and doesn’t make it right. As much as you want to stay on course and take that leap of faith blindly, there’s more than likely red flags that line the very path that you chose to walk down.

“They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith.”

14. You Need To Calm Down:

Focus on yourself: your actions and your actions only. The energy that you put out into the world can have the power to make or break someone and your words matter - use them for good or don’t say anything at all.

“You just need to take several seats and try to restore the peace and control your urges to scream about all the people you hate.”

15. Afterglow

We over-think, over-analyze and over-complicate. We blow things out of proportion, take things the wrong way and hold people accountable for something they didn’t do. Maybe you didn’t realize, or want to realize, that this is something that’s on you to fix. Anxiety and insecurity are real and raw parts of any relationship that can hurt both sides if it isn’t talked about. Emotions can sometimes get the best of you, but try to recognize when you’re in the wrong.

“Hey, it’s all me, in my head. I’m the one who burned us down, but it's not what I meant. Sorry that I hurt you.”

16. ME!

Value the relationships that are so special and dear to you. Cherish the fact that each relationship in your life is different and unique in their own right - they aren’t comparable to each other and they shouldn’t be.

“And I promise that nobody's gonna love you like me.”

17. It’s Nice To Have A Friend

You don’t know what someone is going through and everyone has battles they’re fighting daily. Seeing someone in pain or showing emotions can be uncomfortable and it can be hard too gain the nerve to address it. It’s awkward and uncomfortable. But showing your support through something as simple as holding someone’s hand can make a world of a difference for someone who is struggling.

“Something gave you the nerve to touch my hand, it’s nice to have a friend.”

18. Daylight

Not everything on your shoulders is yours to carry. Let go of the things that are weighing you down - make it easier on yourself. You are in control of your emotions and have every right to make your way out of the darkness that surrounds you. There’s a bright light waiting for you.

“I’ve been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night, and now I see daylight. I only see daylight.”

--

Thank you, @taylorswift for creating this masterpiece!

[thetravelerwrites]

Commitments: Part 2 (Gargoyles Fanfic)

Rating: Teen Fandom: Disney’s Gargoyles Relationships: Goliath x Elisa Maza Additional Tags: Marriage, Wedding Day Trigger Warnings: Light Language, Sex Mention Words: 3443

It's the day of the ceremony. Elisa has a heart to heart with her mother and father. Please leave feedback!

October 24th, 1999: Goliath and Elisa had chosen this date for the ceremony because it was five years to the night of their first meeting, when he had plucked her from the sky after, admittedly, scaring her off a parapet.

Unfortunately, their union could only be symbolic and not legal. It would also have to be a secret from everyone except for their family and closest friends, but they figured, what else is new? Elisa had long been a target of hate groups for merely having alleged, unconfirmed connections to the Gargoyles, and coming out publicly as one of their staunchest supporters hadn’t done her any favors, but openly marrying a Gargoyle would not only have been extremely controversial, it could have cost her her job, home, safety, and possibly even her freedom.

After talking with Amy, Goliath’s public defender who now acted as the Gargoyles’ legal representation in all civil matters, he had learned that there was a law prohibiting humans from marrying any being that was not also human, regardless of level of sentience or intelligence. Which meant that Elisa’s relationship with Goliath was technically bestiality and as such, illegal. Attempting to obtain a marriage license could have landed them both in jail.

There had been no such law as of 1997, Amy had told him, and she surmised the law had been pushed through in secret around the same time the Gargoyle Civil Rights Movement was being fought in court.

Eighteen months after Gargoyles had become public knowledge, the Gargoyles of the Manhattan Clan and many of their allies had testified in front of a grand jury for the Gargoyles’ very right to exist without persecution. After a lengthy battle and many sacrifices and concessions, they had won.

Following the trial, a bill had been passed granting the Manhattan Clan American citizenship, basic civil rights, and put them on the endangered species list, which automatically protected them against unlawful imprisonment, exploitation, experimentation, assault, and murder.

Before the GCRM, ending a Gargoyle’s life had no legal ramifications whatsoever, but after the bill was passed, the act of killing a Gargoyle while they were awake had been classified as murder. Any person responsible for the killing of a Gargoyle could face up to 25 years in prison.

Destroying a stone Gargoyle was seen as a “common law murder” and carried with it a much lesser sentence, but the prosecution would have to prove that the stone statue the defendant destroyed was a living gargoyle. Otherwise it was simply malicious property damage, though it could possibly be tried as a hate crime.

The bill also protected any human that associated with the Gargoyles from retaliation or discrimination, which finally allowed Elisa the chance to proudly support her friends for the entire world to see. It felt great to stand with them as an advocate after hiding them and keeping her friendship with them a secret for so long.

Despite this historic victory for their kind, there was still much prejudice and hatred toward Gargoyles and the people who stood up for them. Their bold willingness to take on public opinion had afforded them some liberties, but in the eyes of the world, Gargoyles were still practically animals, and the bill had done nothing to change that.

 There were new laws in place to protect Gargoyles against threats and violence, but seemingly nothing to defend them from discrimination. In fact, several xenophobic laws that had not previously existed prior to the GCRM seemed to have quietly popped up out of nowhere.

There was a law that protected the right of any public, private, or federally owned business to refuse service to Gargoyles, including hospitals and clinics. Gargoyles also could not secure a job, license, or any property that exceeded $2000 unless they could procure a valid social security number, while at the same time there was a law prohibiting Gargoyles from legally obtaining a social security number. Gargoyles were also barred from attending any state funded schools, including trade programs, and could not earn any certificate, diploma, or degree. Amy was working to change the laws, but progress was slow and she was meeting opposition from all sides.

It baffled Goliath and infuriated Elisa, who was now forced to uphold these ridiculous laws. She hated it. It was unconstitutional and disgusting and she loathed every second that she had to be a part of it. It very nearly caused her to quit the justice system altogether, because this wasn’t justice, it wasn’t freedom, it wasn’t the same system that had convinced her to join the police force in the first place.

This was a perversion of civil liberties, bigots hiding behind a mask of equality, using the publicity of the Movement as a distraction to quietly impose their will on her friends without anyone realizing it. It made her sick to her stomach, mostly because there was nothing she could do to fix it.

The only thing stopping her from planting her boot firmly inside someone’s rear end the next time she heard the term “flying rats” was Goliath’s steady patience and temperance. He constantly reminded her that no one couldn’t stop them from affirming their love for each other, regardless of these new laws. He didn’t care who found out or how many jail cells he’d have to sleep in, he was committed to becoming her mate and nothing would stand in his way.

He loved her; nothing else mattered. He told her this every night, and every night she needed to hear it just to maintain her daily composure. But she was still angry.

The day of the ceremony arrived cool and comfortable. Elisa awoke at noon in her parent’s apartment, where Beth, Maggie, and Derek had also been staying, not just for moral support but protection in case word got out.

Since there were six hours until sundown, the process of getting ready was leisurely and relaxed. Elisa had decided to forgo several things considered normal for a wedding. There would be no bridesmaids or groomsmen, no flower girl or ring bearer, no best man or maid of honor. How would they choose one, anyway?

The ceremony itself would be short and simple with no frills or embellishments, other than Goliath and Elisa reciting vows that they had written for each other.

One thing would be done according to tradition, her father insisted, was walking her down the aisle himself. The ceremony would be taking place in the main hall of Castle Wyvern. Goliath would be standing at the fireplace with Diane with all their friends and loved ones gathered around them, and Peter would hand her off to Goliath. But, she said pointedly, he would not be giving her away as if she were property. Peter had held up his hands in acquiescence, laughing.

She wouldn’t be wearing a wedding dress; she instead wore a simple gown made of sapphire blue satin, to match the ring, with a low back and a short train. Attached to the straps was a small glass lily suspended on a silver chain that would dangle halfway down her spine. It was sleek and elegant with just a hint of slink. Beth had bought it for her in New Orleans during her post-semester vacation a few months ago, before Goliath had even asked Elisa to wed him. She and Beth often didn’t see eye to eye on fashion, but she had to admit this dress seemed like it was made for her.

She wouldn’t wear a veil or carry a bouquet, either. She did put her hair up, though, held back with a kanzashi in the shape of a blooming peony that Katana had given her as a wedding gift.

An hour before sundown, Elisa and her party loaded into two taxis and headed toward the Eyrie building. Maggie and Derek took to the rooftops and likely would arrive at the castle before them.

As they approached the building, Elisa had to admit she was feeling nervous. She tapped her foot anxiously and wrung her shaking hands.

“Wedding jitters?” Diane asked, sitting beside her.

“Yeah, I guess,” Elisa replied shakily.

Diane laid a calm, warm hand on her daughter’s cold, clasped ones. “Second thoughts?”

“No,” Elisa said firmly. “None whatsoever. I love Goliath. Marriage is unnatural for Gargoyles; he’s only doing this for me. And I want this, Mom. I really want this.” She shook her head and exhaled a trembling breath. “I don’t even know why I’m so nervous.”

Diane laughed gently. “It’s completely natural to be a little nervous, sweetheart. I needed several bellinis and a shot of tequila to marry your father, and even then, I thought I might ruin his shiny new shoes. Of course, that could have been the tequila.”

Elisa breathed a soft laugh. She looked at her mother shrewdly. “You’re really okay with this, aren’t you? Me and Goliath, I mean?”

“Of course I am, baby,” Diane said. “I want you to be happy. If Goliath makes you happy, then that’s what I want for you.”

“Dad wasn’t so sure.”

“Yes, but that’s just how fathers are, Elisa,” Diane tutted. “Remember your first boyfriend, Lucas?”

At that, Elisa laughed out loud. “Junior prom, first date, Dad sitting at the dinner table, cleaning his guns. How could I forget?”

“He did that with every boy you brought home,” Diane chuckled. “He also really liked giving those boys a rundown of all his arrests and showing them awful case files, just to shake them up.”

“Ricky ran from the house before I had time to get dressed for our date, remember? He was too scared to even look at me in class for weeks.” Elisa laughed.

Diane nodded, and they found themselves in a fit of giggles, holding each other. After a moment, they tittered to a stop.

“Goliath isn’t intimidated by Dad’s gun collection,” Elisa said.

“No, that he is not,” Diane agreed. “To be honest, honey, those boys you dated before were no match for you. You need a man who is just as strong as you are, even if he isn’t exactly a man. You’re good together. You’re a lifeline for each other. That’s something you don’t just give up on because it’s hard; the trials are what make it all worthwhile. And the two of you have had your fair share of trials. You have earned each other. Nothing else is important.”

Elisa smiled gratefully at her mother and hugged her around the shoulders.

“Thank you, Mama,” She said.

“Always, baby girl,” Her mother replied, returning her hug.

The taxis pulled into the private carport reserved for the Xanatos family. Xanatos had given Elisa and her family a code to use so they could avoid getting out in the company parking complex or in the street outside.

Peter and Beth had exited first, and Peter opened Elisa’s door and offered Elisa his hand, who smiled up at him and accepted it. She walked arm-in-arm with her father to the elevator, with Beth and her mother trailing behind, holding hands.

The sun was going down as the elevator opened to the top floor. The Maza family walked out into the open courtyard to reach the private room just off the main hall, and could see the Gargoyles on their perches in the red-gold light of sunset.

Unlike the other Gargoyles, who faced outward in their typical vigilant poses, Goliath stood inward, straight as a rail, head bowed, with his wings folded around him. According to him, this was traditional gesture for when a Gargoyle declared their intentions for another. It was also traditional to stand in the perch of one’s intended mate, but Elisa didn’t perch, so that aspect was overlooked.

Waiting for them in the private room was Derek and Maggie, who had arrived first as Elisa predicted. Owen had rather thoughtfully put out a small refreshments table for the bridal party. Xanatos had offered to throw them a big wedding with a reception and everything, which Elisa had refused in no uncertain terms. This smaller touch was much more fitting.

Also in the room were the stone figures of Angela and Broadway, crouched defensively around their egg. They were understandably protective of it and had taken to sleeping in this room during the day, as it was far more secure than standing out in the open over a one hundred and thirty story drop. Since the castle no longer had a rookery, and even if it did, keeping a single egg in there would be superfluous, the anxious parents-to-be took to guarding their precious cargo closely. When they were awake, the bundle never left Angela’s arms. Even during missions, Broadway and Angela took turns staying with the egg, keeping it within view at all times.

Elisa understood. It took a very long time for Gargoyle children to be born: six months gestation in the body of the female and then a full ten years as an egg. Elisa thought nine months was a long time to wait for a baby. She couldn’t even imagine the kind of apprehension and patience it took to wait for over a decade to meet your own child.

But, she reflected, if that’s what it took even for humans, she would do it. She would do anything to have a child. Before she met Goliath, it wasn’t something she had given much thought. Back then, she was much more focused on her career and wasn’t sure if she even wanted kids. If and when she decided she did, she figured she had plenty of time. Now that she knew it wasn’t a possibility with Goliath, it was all she could think about.

Elisa had talked to Beth and Maggie about it the night before. Maggie lamented that she wasn’t sure her augmented body was capable of bearing children or what effects her’s and Derek’s altered DNA would have on them. Beth and her girlfriend Serena, both only 21, had no interest in children. They both sympathized with her, but what could be done?

In Goliath, Elisa had found her true equal and soul mate. She was overjoyed to be with him and wouldn’t change a thing about their relationship, other than more social acceptance. Her mother was right, they had earned each other and they deserved to be happy. A child wouldn’t necessarily make it that much better, but still. Still. It would always be in the back of her mind, the one thing just out of reach.

Just as they settled in, cracks began to form in Angela’s and Broadway’s stone exterior. Instead of the normal explosive way they shed their skin, they carefully shifted this way and that to slither out of their cocoon, diligent even in sleep about protecting their offspring.

“Elisa!” Angela exclaimed upon seeing her, rising to her feet. “You look lovely!”

“Thanks, Angela,” Elisa said, embracing her.

“Are you nervous?” Angela asked as Broadway came up behind her, holding the egg.

“A bit,” Elisa said.

“I’ve never seen a human wedding before,” Broadway said. “Other than on T.V.”

“Neither have I,” Angela said.

“Well, this won’t be your average wedding, Big Guy,” Elisa said. “I dumped a bunch of the traditional stuff I didn’t think was necessary. This’ll be pretty bare bones compared to most other ceremonies.”

The door opened. Lexington, Brooklyn, and Katana entered the room with Matsuko, who had her tail wrapped around her father’s hand.

It was an odd contrast to see Brooklyn next to Lexington now, who had at one point been his and Broadway’s equal in age. Brooklyn no longer crouched when at rest anymore; that was apparently a trait among young Gargoyles or ones on the smallish side, like Lexington. Brooklyn had aged over forty years in the time stream, though it was more like twenty in equivalent human years, and his countenance reflected it. He stood much taller than before and straight as a post next to his mate, resting a hand on her shoulder.

Elisa felt a little like Lexington had gotten the short end of the stick. Compared to Broadway and Brooklyn, who were both mated and fathering children, Lexington seemed a little left out. He was always his usual cheerful self, though, and never seemed bitter about how things were.

“This is so exciting!” He said brightly. “Aren’t you excited?”

“That’s one word for it,” Elisa said wryly.

Katana grinned to see her gift in Elisa’s hair. “It suits you,” she said. Brooklyn smiled fondly at her.

“I love it, thank you again,” Elisa said.

“Goliath is in the Main Hall,” Brooklyn said, his voice deeper than it used to be. “He and the others are setting up and getting ready.”

“We’d better join them,” Derek said, nodding to the others in the room. All except Elisa and her father moved toward the door.

“Hey, guys, before you go,” Elisa said, addressing her Gargoyle companions and her family. “I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to have you all in my life. You guys have been the best friends I’ve ever had, and I don’t know how to thank you for it. I know that this is all a little alien to you, and I’m honored that you’re all a part of it. I don’t know who I would be without you and I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate each of you. I love you guys.”

“Aw, Elisa,” Lexington said shyly. “We love you, too.”

“I look forward to becoming part of your family,” Angela said. “My father loves you. His joy is my joy.”

“We’d better get going,” Diane said. “I need to get into position and prepare Goliath for the ceremony.”

Elisa nodded. They hadn’t done a rehearsal. This was all being done with no prep-work, largely because the ceremony itself was going to be short and to the point, so they hadn’t felt the need for it. Elisa was rethinking this now, perhaps a bit too late.

The others left to get into their places, leaving her alone with Peter. He held out his hands for hers, and she took them, facing her father and willing herself not to cry.

Peter shook his head, smiling gently at her. “I can’t believe it.”

“What?” Elisa asked.

“My baby girl. My firstborn. Getting married.”

Elisa laughed. “Technically. Not legally.” She looked up at him, wincing. “Does that bother you?”

Peter shrugged. “Laws change. In ten years time, who knows? Maybe you’ll renew your vows with a real license in hand.”

“One can dream,” Elisa said wistfully. She looked up into her father’s eyes. “I’m glad you and Mom are being so cool about all of this. I can’t imagine what you thought when Goliath first spoke to you about it.”

“Well, to be honest, we’d have supported it regardless. Nothing Goliath could have said would have actually mattered,” Peter replied.

Elisa frowned. “Why not?”

“Because I trust my children,” Peter said. “If he had asked you and you said yes, there must have been a damn good reason for it. Even if I don’t fully understand it, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad decision. You’ve always been a good kid, Elisa. You were the one out of all your siblings I never had to worry about. You always had a good head on your shoulders. Hell, you never even had a rebellious phase, and you could have been a real monster if you wanted to be.”

Elisa flinched at the use of the word monster.

“Sorry,” Peter said. “Not what I meant. I should have said disaster.”

She playfully nudged him, laughing a little.

“You’re smart, Elisa,” Peter continued. “Smarter than your old man ever was. If you say this is what’s right for you, how am I supposed to argue?” He pulled her into a hug. “I’m here for you, kid, no matter what.”

She squeezed him tight. “I don’t deserve you guys.”

“Yes, you do,” Peter said. “You deserve the world. What kind of dad would I be if I didn’t give my little girl the world?”

A knock came at the door and Brooklyn peeked his head in. Peter and Elisa parted.

“Everyone’s ready,” He said. Elisa nodded with a shaky smile of thanks, and he withdrew.

“This is it,” Peter said. “Ready?”

“Yes.” Elisa closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, holding it for a five count. She exhaled slowly, opened her eyes, and said, “Lets go.”

He extended his elbow and she hooked her arm through it. Straightening her spine, she let her father lead her out of the room.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi, becoming a Patron, or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[dragon-zena]

even More OC group chat shenanigans

HUGHES: Madena oh my god

ZI: jdndjdjdjjd madena you did NOT

MADENA: I TOTALLY DID IM SVDBDBHD

HUGHES: I hate this Madena wh

HUGHES: “considering that I am a gay,,,” LIKE

ZI: “half of us,,,are immigrants,,,and children and grandchildren of immigrants,,,,end it” like has your best friend ever

HUGHES: YEAH MY BEST FRIEND HAS EVER THEY DID IT TODAY YOU WERE THERE

MADENA: im sorry but like what did she expect complaining about gay people and immigrants to a nb bisexual with two parents from two different continents...like? Ok

ZI: let's debate sexuality when it's obvious that half the class are LGBT and the other half are bigots!!!

ZI: let's talk about “illegal” immigration when almost EVERYONE IN THE ROOM has a close family member that immigrated here!

HUGHES: RIGHT AND TBIS IS AP POLISCI NOT AP “DISCUSS HUMAN RIGHTS” LET'S N O T

MADENA: this is both the greatest and worst day of my life why did I SAY that dbdbdn

ZI: what u said was true and you should say it

MADENA: mnmerrg

ZI: mads ur literally iconic there are literally people talking about u being their hero I'm???

HUGHES: I can't believe the evil was thoroughly defeated in our third hour class today.

MADENA: theevilisdefeated.png

CAMILLA: Narla!

NARLA: Yeah?

CAMILLA: Friendly reminder that we have a game today uwu……….do u have what u need? You dint have ur knee pads last time

NARLA: Fuck, I honestly forgot my stuff. I'm probably gonna drive home and get them.

NARLA: And never say “friendly reminder” or use uwu ever again in my presence.

CAMILLA: You should let Zi bring you uwu

NARLA: Perish, you bitch. You bully. You scoundrel.

CAMILLA: ;^)

NARLA: Hey, Zi. Are you busy after school? I was hoping that I could get a ride home, today. I have to get my vball gear for tonight.

ZI: oh! Yeah! I'll be waiting in the car after school. Can i

ZI: uh

NARLA: ?

ZI: can I come watch you, tonight?

NARLA: I'm blushing so hard she asked to come watch us tonight.

CAMILLA: HELL YEA we need the support

CAMILLA: Not that we gonna lose but your biggest fan being there is gonna make u go into overdrive.........ur gonna beast out........

CAMILLA: ion know if the other team is gonna stand a chance

NARLA: PERISH, ASSHOLE.

NARLA: Of course you can come! :)!

ZI: !!!

CAMILLA: WELCOM TO MY F U CK HO US E

MADENA: we have banini...and avocaidi…

HUGHES: Perish

ZI: perish

NARLA: Perish.

MADENA: Oh worm? Permission granted?

ZI: MADS NO

HUGHES: N O

ZI: mmmmmMMMAAAAAAAAAAA

STEPHANI: God, same.

HUGHES: What's going on in Louisiana? ):

NARLA: They keep raising the prom fee as though we're made of money. Lmao.

JUSTINE: I mean, Narla will be fine, she’s actually made of money,,, but like, not many other people will be.

ZI: LMAO.

MADENA: Zi ):

ZI: im sorry im sorry I just

NARLA: I'll pay for you to go. I'll pay for any of you, if you need it. It's not like we're using it for much, at home.

CAMILLA: ,,, Narla,,, ur mom

NARLA: Irrelevant.

MADENA: godiwishthatwereme.png

CAMILLA: aight……………………..

ZI: id die for Narla but whatever

HUGHES: You're at her game, aren't u

ZI: …no

HUGHES: …

ZI: …yes

ZI: Hughes her thighs...her calves….me gay

MADENA: I heard gay what's goin on

MADENA: oh its just z nvm

ZI: thighs.mp4

ZI: look at her go!

CAMILLA: ive come from the court to tell u that you are Definitely in the wrong chat

MADENA: ho-o-oly shit

CAMILLA: i got her phone lmao y'all secrets safe w me

CAMILLA: just deleted those messages have fun in pineville bye

HUGHES: Isn't that actually a place in Louisiana

HUGHES: Cami?

ZI: she's back on the court but yeah it is

ZI: holy shit I owe Camilla my entire life im going to the T3 Group Chat

HUGHES: real paranoia hours

HUGHES: if u up alone at 3:10 in the morning

HUGHES: hearing things, seeing things, and overthinking ur relationships

HUGHES: slam that mf like

HUGHES: this is so stupid like wow I love. feeling this way. Fave. 10 out of fuckign 10 i lobe iy

HUGHES: I need tk pee but im svared tk adn no ones up i catn

CAMILLA: oh shit

CAMILLA: ok okay im up right now, I'm here right now, I need you to take deep breaths for me

HUGHES: catn’

CAMILLA: can I call u

HUGHES: yehh

ZI: oh no

NARLA: Hughes, are you okay, now? I'm sorry that I wasn't awake when you needed someone. ):

CAMILLA: they asleep rn but I think they r ok for rn

CAMILLA: has this happened before zi

ZI: not to this extent

ZI: sometimes he does focus extensively on everything around him and it makes him anxious

NARLA: Maybe this should wait until Hughes says that we have his permission to talk about this.

CAMILLA: yeah

HUGHES: last night was a shit show

HUGHES: my bad

MADENA: Are u ok now?

ZI: ^

NARLA: ^

CAMILLA: ^

JUSTINE: ^

STEPHANI: ^

HUGHES: Yeah thanks

HUGHES: Camilla made me take sleep medicine and i pretty much passed out soon after lmao

CAMILLA: Sleep > Being Awake lmao

MADENA: mood

ZI: ......everybody wants to be a cat.....

HUGHES: oh my god not again

ZI: aS quare witha horn makes u wish u werent born evertime he plays

MADENA: Oh A Rinky Tinky Tinky!

ZI: with a square in the act! u can set musci back! to the caveman days!

NARLA: Oh, a rinky tinky tinyk!

HUGHES: This is torture you’re all doing ths knowing it was my fave song to play in jazz band end me

MADENA:  👀 👀 👀

Narla: RIP...It was my fault, I wanted to watch The Aristocats.........

HUGHES: Perish, Narla Miaro.

NARLA: Fuck you, Hughes.

STEPHANI: atthepool.png

STEPHANI: shes so fuckgin beautiful shes wearng this bikini and shes like fuckign aphrodite or sme shit

JUSTINE: END THIS

JUSTINE: prety.png

JUSTINE: LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND SHE DESERVES THE WORLD SHES GIGGLIN

NARLA: God, can you imagine if I had let the two of you pine any longer than you did?

ZI: this is so gay and cute

MADENA: Justine where do u find ur swimsuits and Steph u look gorgeous end me please

JUSTINE: blush.png

JUSTINE: shes blushing ths is so cute

JUSTINE: Also i just got them at waly worl

MADENA: bless ur photogenic souls for telling me

CAMILLA: U do it for he

NARLA: And you would do it, again.

CAMILLA: You do it for she and now u say

NARLA: You do it for he.

HUGHES: One day is all I ask

HUGHES: Sometimes I forget that the moment Euthymia left the house for college, she changed from a subtle gay to a vindictive gay.

MADENA: God my sister is so fucking iconic mom was like “i dont support that in my house” AS THOUGH I DONT EXIST IN THE BOUNDARIES OF THE HOME BUT ANYWAY Euthymia shruges and is like “im not in your house so lmao watch this” AND KISSES AGATHA RIGHT IN F R O N T OF HER hhfkrk

ZI: im lauhing

HUGHES: Shes not at her mom’s house rn she came to bring something to me for Mads and she’s sporting an undercut and a lot of lgbt pride pins AND a lot of really clever enamel pins too i envy her

HUGHES: She??? Also has??? A scar on her eyebrow???

HUGHES: I ASKED WHY AND SHE SAID “YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY”

MADENA: TELL HR TO STAY PUT IM C O M I N G I GOTTA SEE THIS

ZI: send a pic when u get there i wanna see

EUTHYMIA: inspiring my lgacy to be vindictive gays lmao

AGATHA: im lauhfing Zi just texted me and told me that Hughes called you a vindictive gay

EUTHYMIA: im so happy that im able to be ths way

EUTHYMIA: but i want them to wait until they’re super safe until they even think about following the near vicinity of my footsteps

AGATHA: you aren’t even super safe but i get wht ur sayin

AGATHA: I love you, Euthymia Nadine.

EUTHYMIA: I love you, too, Alaris

AGATHA: oooh my last name hot

EUTHYMIA: end it

HUGHES: That freshman is going to get in a fight this afternoon

MADENA: ?

HUGHES: sorry the thought just came to me

MADENA: Hughes,,,

HUGHES: I was right,,,,,,what the fc

ZI: oh thats like when Madena said something about ancient greec andt he teacher was like “nuh uh” but when he searched it up it was true

ZI: but Madena didnt know how they got it right it just randomyl popped up in their mind

CAMILLA: Physics can suck my asshole

HUGHES: Oh?

MADENA: *Hughes voice* oh, you haven’t heard?

CAMILLA: i die

HUGHES: I tutor in physics

MADENA: hes not gonna ask you to pay which is why u should

CAMILLA: I DONT CARE AS LONG AS I PASSED THESE FINALS WHATS YOUR FUCING PAYPAL

HUGHES: meet me in the PMs

MADENA: this is so fucking funny hey @Narla d o u need help with physics

NARLA: No.

MADENA: god i wish that were me

ZI: god i wish that were me

ZI: :0!

MADENA: O: twinsies

[11-11-screenshots]

i’m a little gay

my mom took me to a special rally when i was real young, where prolife signs were held and christian hymns were sung, and my mother pointed at the opposer two woman holding hands, saying “anybody who likes the same sex is sure to hell be damned”.

i nodded my head and knew id never come out because even as a child i knew what i was all about.

10 years old- i cried myself to sleep. id look at pictures of woman and touch under the sheets. and i never got caught but i kind of wanted them to find, me doing such a thing so they could punish my sinful mind.

But as the church told me- there was no such thing as gay, just sinful same-sex thoughts thats sometimes ran astray.

but the more that i tried to block it out, the more i felt sick, i looked at vag on the web, but never once looked at a dick.

i hated myself more for what i had slowly became, a horny teenage girl with pussy on the brain.

i melted when a girl touched me or even smiled my way, i crushed on girls so much in school- still refused to call myself gay.

And junior year of high school i met this beautiful girl, her hair a blanket of darkness and her lips and so utterly kissable. and i told her i was straight but one day in the park, our hands slid down each other and our lips trailed off after dark.

I fell in love more as i saught her eyes every day, the more i felt for her the more i admitted i was gay. anything for her i would gladly kiss her feet, i walked 4 miles everyday once summer to bring her food to eat. i would kiss her and hug her and hold her in the night, softly saying  “one day you’ll be my beautiful wife.”

yes i was so convinced i put my cares aside, for her i was no longer afraid to sheepishly hide. so i strung up all my nerves and took them to my mother, with heart above my head stupidity more than the other….

this day we were driving home from alfonso’s bridal, i had just received my prom dress both of us were all smiles. and there i said, mom- i like woman- like men-  maybe even moreso, I’ve known this for quite a while but was just scared for you to know.

silence filled the room and my confidence dropped fast, her face was grave the air was thick and i knew this was the last.

She was confused at first but within minutes she drew back her hand and slapped me, she said, “you are not a daughter, no christian girl to me…”

“You are absolutely nothing to me.” she pushed me out of the car so she could back-out and leave…

she didn’t call me back or acknowledge my existence since there, she didn't respond to my texts for over a year. still even then the fact that she disowned because cause I’m gay- says how much she loved me in the very first place…

at least i had my darling, my sweetheart back at home, at least i had her soft kisses to remind me i was not alone. her “i love you’s” and her romantic poems, the way she talked to bees or drunk called me on the phone.

But only weeks later, this boy approached me confidently, he said, “you know your girl s’been smoking weed and fucking me.” so i approached her calmly and asked her if it was true, she said yeah we are but its fine- like I’m not “dating you” my blood disappeared from my veins and all of a sudden i was dizzy, “of course” how stupid, to think that she would ever love me…

i went home that night and cried for about two weeks. i regurgitated tears like i regurgitated sleep. and i wondered where i went wrong wearing her pendant of heart shaped beans, i wondered where i went wrong- i smelled her perfume in my dreams. and she dated this boy shortly after and they’re still together, sometimes she still texts me to tell me about him or check up on the weather.

But what shell never know is that i loved her, i would give up my family as i did whatever i would be and was for her- i would lose it all just to be close to the one i love, but unlike her to me, well for her- i was not enough.

Im bisexual, i can proudly say. if nothing else she helped me realize to live each and every day. don’t worry about others and be true to yourself, because I’m a little gay and i don’t need any help.

I’m a little gay and a lot of people are, its just another preference like a flavor or type of car. And when you’re a little different and cause people to drop to the side, it clears your way to know in whom you can confide.

And unfortunately for me that was half my friends and family,

but fortunate for me theres nothing if rather be.

the more you grow up- you’ll meet people just like you, you realize environment is everything and its all up to you.

it will get better i promise you because i never thought it would for me,

but without all the storms my rainbow wouldn't have showed this brightly.

I’m a little heartbroken queer, and thats perfectly okay,

because with everything that has happened, i wouldn’t have it any other way.

[somberthoughtsseldomeffort]

Going through all my text quotes and you can see when i slowly fall out of love.. hahah  I literally haven’t been this happy in the longest time ever. I haven’t written in my book since the feelings were mutual. He makes me so happy without even trying and its the lamest feeling in the entire world. It sucks that it only took him 2 years to finally admit to liking me, or that it took me 5 months of talking to him for me to realize that i liked him back. He wasnt exactly my type, but darling did he steal my affection in a heartbeat. Finally, someone who liked me for me and not for what i can offer, someone who would rather just watch netflix with me in bed than do something like go out on an expensive date. Someone who will just hold me in his arms while im having a bad day and just reassure me that everything will be fine. It just sucks that you have to be leaving tomorrow and that i dont even get to see you leave. I really, really like you.    And i think ill tell you that before you go, and it will be the lamest thing that i have ever done in my 18 years of life. Cause darling, you are the only exception. -Feb 14th,2014  I remember I wrote this poem about not being able to take a place in the scoreboard of affection. Well look at me now, in first place with a really sweet guy. - Mar 7th,2014 I am so conflicted with what I want to do with this “relationship”. I know for a fact I’m thinking too hard about it and it’s driving me practically insane. And this is probably I stay away from relationships all together or why I stray away from ties with people in general. I really like him and I am aware of it now, I want to get to know him more and just see if we’re just as compatible as I’d like us to be. I don’t want to push my ideals on him or his on me cause that’s not the type of relationship that I am looking for. I have the utmost respect towards military wives or girlfriends. I can’t even handle bootcamp yet alone the rest of his life… Do I escape while I can or do I stay because I enjoy his company. - Mar 18th,2014

You know what I hate the most? I hate that I brought him into a room I sleep in. I let him linger in a place I spend all of my time in. There isn’t a second that goes by where I am not reminded of his existence. I can’t lay in my bed with peace of mind like I used to be able to. Fuck - Mar 20th.2014  10 more days till Gerik comes back, 10 more days till everything is sorted out. 10 more days til ughhh,, idk . Gosh darn it i miss him -  May 13th,2014 It will seriously be the most fucked up thing if you notice me now. I was hanging around you since my sophomore year of high school and liked you for a while. But now that we’re in college and i have found myself in a obscure relationship you wanna come down and be like “ hey these are my views on relationships and they match yours, wow, you are like totally the type of girl im looking for why didnt i notice this sooner.” I will dick slap you so hard its going to leave an imprint on your face.- May 15th,2014

i am beyond myself, honestly with this whole significant other thing. Feelings really shouldnt be this difficult to figure out. I mean they are MY feelings i should be able to tell what they want. A hug would be nice right now even a pat on the head or something. I feel so uneasy honestly . - Nov 4th,2014 

And he left, and this time between us was honestly nothing more than that. I knew i needed to end things with Gerik, but honestly I did not expect it to hurt this much. I dont need a man in my life who’s idea of a joke would be to say hes going to hit on other girls including my friends and then cal me sensitive after i get upset. I dont need a man in my life who will let me get hit and be okay with it even if he thought we were “playing”. I dont need a man who wont be clear on what he wants to do with me and what we are after a year has passed. I do not need someone who will let me be sad and not really talk to me about it. I do not need someone who will let me be all emotionally scorn day in and day out and tell me to “get over it”. I do like Gerik though. I liked the way hed laugh at my jokes and how he would only be ticklish in one spot. Id like the way hed hug me and made me feel like being in his arms were where i would be the safest. I liked it when he would do all these things and not al all. I hate that he is in the Marines. Im happy i did not give him my virginity and that we did not emotionally connect with one another otherwise  this would have been harder than it is right now. But i swear to God if anyone ever says that I, “never cared” or that “shes a bitch for breaking up with you” fuck you. Cause i would have never stayed for a year and not tried to make things work. I should not have to justify why i was not happy with someone. I liked gerik, but i could not like him more than this. For this relationship was not a healthy one. - Jan 2nd,2015

if you really think that I broke up with him because of you and not out of my own happiness than you are crazy. - Jan 3rd,2015

So here is the ordeal, as most may not care or be concerned about my love life, I am torn between sticking with whats available and waiting for something better. I literally spent a year and some days with a boy who i honestly wasnt sure if he liked me or need me. Or wanted to like someone and needed someone. I ended with someone i missed but knew wasnt good for me. Then I was turned to a wonderful boy who, quicker than most, basically professed and undying admiration  with me and literally wanted everything that i offered. He unfortunately is active military and I have lost total communication with him. I am not sure how he is doing or if his interest in me died. Then i meet this older guy, i actually met him on new years this year but i didnt really think much of him, but apparently he thought something of me. Then he added me on facebook and then we started talking and then we met again in person at a show and then again and my best friends birthday. We, i gues you could say, kinda hooked up but not really. (i am 100% still a virgin…) And i am not sure if i want to advacne with this guy. He is a very nice and respectable guy . he would not do anything that i was not comfortable with. He is kind and considerate. But he honestly is not someone i could see myself with in the far future but then again i just met him. And I still kind of like the boy who i lost contact with. I am single and young I have a lot of choices in life but i dont think i make the right ones. Ughhhhhh relationships with people suck honestly…. help what the hell do i do?! -Mar 8th,2015 

This would just be my freaking luck, He would come back. He would come back when I was literally to give up all hope of him. I pray and hope he remembers me but at the same time i hope that he doesnt approch me and doesnt make my life that much harder. I cant choose and i dont like having options. I dont like having to think about who i would be better off with or who i actually like. I can stand being so indecisive. At the same time I miss him so much… UGggggggHHHH - Apr 25,2015 

I cant wait till novemember, Im going to be planning a trip to california to see my boyfriend. I know im pretty excited for something that is going to happen like 4 months from now. But itd be the only vacation id have fro a while. Ill get to spoil his hass and take him to six flags and I get to do lame couple things. What i really want to do is get thous leather engraved bracelets. That would make me the happiest soul. Haha and I also get to look forward to the Marine Corps Ball, I never got to go to prom so its kinda like the same thing right?? I can not wait, so excited.  - Jul 22,2015 

It kinda terrifies me in a way how much of a minor change I noticed in me. And im talking into terms as far as my relationship goes with Gerik. Its not a bad change its actually pretty good to be honest. I feel a lot more peaceful and its kinda sad that I was not able to reach this level of happiness by myself. The only reason it probably took me so long to like someone was because I felt like I should love myself first. I still admit to not loving myself but im sure a lot of people share that common problem.

    He doesnt let me be sad by myself and I really cant seem to lie to him. I sure dont tell him everything yea, but if her were to ask id say everything. I dont know he makes me happy and probably upsets me the most at the same time. I feel like hes too good to be true cause I’ve never met someone who has been as patient with me as he has been. I may doubt him from time to times cause sometimes i just dont believe someone could actually like me. Cause lets be honest. Im a pretty shitty person inside and out. But he never fails to reassure me in many ways. Hes a wonderful boyfriend and I cant wait to see him in November. Idk I just feel like he made me a lot more forgiving and kinder to myself. I would usually sulk about a lot of things but he makes them minor i dont know how to explain it but hes a great guy. - Aug 8th,2015 

My boyfriend is simple, and a lot of boys and girls are these days. I for one and not one of them. Im like a rubics cube that someone switched the stickers on. He’s the type of person who says things once meaning if he really misses me and wants to explain it he will only tell me once. Thats all he thinks he needs to say. But in my head I feel like if I am not reminded that I am wanted and loved I’ll feel like he doesnt like me anymore. I dont know yes I need affection but I also dont want to be smothered. I dont know. Im just kinda irritated with myself in all honesty. Just because he doest tell me everyday that he still loves me as much as he wants to make me think he does, i start to think he doesnt fancy me anymore. I just feel life I annoy him so much with how needy I am. I just dont date well.  A lot of the times i feel like i like him so much more than he likes me idk. Im a hopeless cause.  - Aug 19th,2015 

I feel like he’s slowly getting tired of me. Maybe I’m getting tired of myself I don’t know. But whatever this feeling is I don’t like it - Aug 22nd,2015 

I am always stuck between wanting Gerik to get enough sleep for work and also wanting to be selfish and talk to him all night. It really sucks that my first relationship is long distance. Im usually pretty level headed till I hang out with friends and end up being a third wheel. I love how excited I get when I see him but I also get really sad when I haven’t had enough of him. Does that make sense? I’m literally counting down the days till the next time I get to see him and they feel like forever. I just want to hug him like really just feel the warmth and the security his arms give me. I’m being really extra tonight cause he had to be awake at 7am and I only got to take to him for about 30 minutes. That sounds like a lot but I’m a needy person who wants his attention. I miss him so much :( - Oct 27th,2015 

Its annoying, well I guess in annoying. Its like I always want to be honest with the way I feel. I just can’t do it all the time. Okay, so when you’re upset or start getting upset there is something making you feel that way. My problem is, if I’m being too sensitive or if I am justified for being upset. At times I catch myself getting upset for things that are either out of my control or out of the other parties control. So I keep it to myself its not their problem. However when it comes to Gerik I feel like I over react all the time and I can’t tell if I’m just a fucking baby or I’m right to be angry. I think I annoy him all the time and that he doesn’t really care about the things I say or do. I don’t know, ugh. Like yesterday night we were talking and usually we pause during conversation cause we don’t really have much to say so he hung up assuming I was asleep I called him back and he was answered kinda sounding pissed off and he was like “what!” And I asked him if that was me or him, that hung up, and he said that it was him and kinda asked why I called him back and groaned about it. So yeah I got upset and I said “I get it you’re tired I’ll hang up now it’s fine, good night. ” he stopped me from hanging up and he was like “what’s wrong, its okay if we still talk.” I said not everything is fine good night. But he insisted it was okay but it kinda got awkward so i just told him to hang up. I don’t know so I kinda just stopped talking to him to collect my thoughts idk. - Nov 2,2015 

Honestly, leaving San Diego was the hardest thing that I did. I have no idea what came over me but I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to leave my boyfriend , I didn’t want him to get up that morning to get ready for duty. As I was saying goodbye I literally started to cry and I kept on crying an hour into my drive to Vegas. I didn’t let him see my tears cause I’m a G, but they were sure there when he wasn’t looking. He leaves me all the time and I never cried. The two years of if I’ll see him or he’s only here for 2 days then gone for 5 months. I never once cried beside that one time. I love him so, so, much and its kinda scary. He tells me his room still smells like me when he goes in there. Its so funny cause all I did was sleep in his bed. But it makes me sorta happy. I really should have stole one of his shirts. God, I miss him so much. I didn’t know I’m such a baby. Ha. - Nov 17th,2015 

Let me be the first one to tell you how much better I feel as a person now that I am no longer with Gerik. You know, it took me a while to realize that he really wasn’t the one for me. It took me almost 2 years and some odd months. I had to stop making up excuses for him. The excuses that this is his first relationship and that he doesn’t understand me as a person and that he’ll learn with time ya know? Well he never did, no matter if I cried to him or if I talked to him. In the end it’s just be that I’m the crazy one or that it’s my fault. Never once did I remember him taking the blame for anything. Not that it was always his fault but the fact that he’d never own up to it when it was. I felt like I was just used sexually he’d only ever put any effort when he thought we were gonna do “something” later on in the night. I always felt that he only was with me because I was the only thing available to him. He never really took the time to get to know me as a person he knew what everyone else knew the basics. I never felt genuinely loved in my relationship with him. I convinced myself over and over again that I was loved. I’m just really sad that I had to experience the things that I did to just realize that he wasn’t the one I needed to wake up to everyday ya know? I tell everyone that I want to get over what Edwin did to me but I get really scared. I still get scared when someone gets in the same position he did to me. I start to feel dirty. I start to get flash backs and start to get defensive. I know that gerik would never force himself on me or anything but when he got on top of me like that I started to freak out. I yelled and got so defensive and the fact that he didn’t get off right away scared the shit out of me. I don’t know man. It just really felt like he didn’t care for me man. So now I want to talk about Ramon, he’s such a sweet heart. I know that I won’t be dating him anytime soon I’m still recovering but he’s such an amazing person. And let me state that no, I did not leave gerik for Ramon. I left gerik for me and myself only. I am my own person and I can do whatever I feel is right for me. But Ramon actually listens to what I have to say and what I have on my mind and understands me emotionally. And that’s all that I have been looking for my whole life. I hope this isn’t just my distraction and that this is something that is good for me. The only thing I worry about is how we will mix as people. To me he’s really nice and cool but outside of that he might be hard to get along with. Ya know? He’s a thug, and active gang member. So I hope I’m not mixing with the wrong crowd but I will stay true to myself all the way. I like Ramon for Ramon, and will not labels change my opinion. I just know he gets me in ways I wish other people did. Almost like serigo understood me but in a goofy way and that’s my favorite part. Ughhhh so that’s where I am in life right now. I’m just going to concentrate on doing me. And loving myself more. And Ramon is a great distraction from feeling lonely. A real good one. - April 16th,2016 

And now i am with my amazing boyfriend for about 1 year, yeah we hit major bumps in the road but now were just growing <3