#i was so close to having a panic attack
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i went to a fashion show today for one of my old mentees and baby… i don’t miss that scene at all. his showcase was great! he did an amazing job with his recent collection. that wasn’t the issue. that whole backstage life i really don’t miss. too fast paced. too much noise. i just was ready to go. i feel like i just got off a rollercoaster. i don’t wanna do that again.
#i was so close to having a panic attack#the venue was crowded#my mask was making me hot#i did not enjoy that experience at all#I can’t believe I was like 19 in the midst of all that just enjoying it#I can’t even fathom how I did it#the most excitement I want in life now is picking paint swatches with my bf#or going to the store and finding a bunch of figs cause they’re always out of stock#I’m rambling but it’s because I’m uncomfortable#I don’t miss being a socialite I like staying home#nonsims#text post
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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> went to sleep with my stomach feeling a tad unsettled, maybe an increased heart rate because of that
> woke up feeling panicky and sick so I decided to go take something for it
> sat up in bed
> immediately felt like I was gonna pass out
> heartrate SKYROCKETED in reaction
> went to go get activated charcoal (bc if I'm sick/ate something icky that usually helps) and as I was getting it felt lightheaded again
> went to tell my mom because either I needed prayer or medical intervention
> now I woke everybody up because my family's idiot (affectionate) dog barks anytime she hears footsteps
> still feel weird and am half convinced that I'm dying but my mom is 100% convinced I'm not so I am going to try and go back to bed
in short, pray for me please, idk what's going on
#did I just?? wake up having a mild panic attack????? is that all????#I've never had a panic attack (though came close last week over a complicated interaction with a customer#that could have gotten me/my place of business in legal trouble if I handled it wrong and no one was reachable for instructions)#so idk#I feel slightly queasy rn but I am going to like... read the Bible and possibly watch a comfort show or something
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Speaking of said dad, he went on a lil mini 10 day holiday across the country to Perth to sight see nature and go on a boat ride to see some Orcas (he's retired, it's his way of getting out the house and not turning into an old man potato, and comes back with hundreds of photos of landscapes, plants and flowers and points of historical interests to show my Mum and I, with cool facts and stories in a slideshow~)
Unfortunately i was still sick at the time and didn't get the chance to join my mum in dropping him off at the airport, let alone the chance to give him a big 'ol hug before he left- so I drew him this 💖
You can't escape the 'Ken hugs.
#fun fact I actually have mild OCD when it comes to hugs especially with family members#sometimes they have to deal with me hugging them many times over until its right#and if I don't hug them before they leave I get anxious as hell#it used to be to the point of panic attacks- my brain would tell me because I didn't hug them they will die before I see them again#and they would never know how much I love them#Family gatherings are a hug fest- my family and their partners know the moment I bust through the door I must run the circuit#everyone gets hugged and neither of us have a choice in the matter#at least it's hugs and not something else like turning on and off the lights a number or times or closing and opening doors or some such#sure hug OCD sounds nice but when it's been like 5 minutes and 15 hugs it's not fun for either party-it's better these days but it took wor#or running out the door to your sisters car because the hug wasn't right and they're about to drive off and if I don't catch them in time-#-I'd cry for hours feeling dread and anxiety down to my bones until i end up sick and in bed- that's not so nice#the brains a bitch
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PHOBIA OF SEAWEED IS AN ACTUAL THING?????????????????? you see i am not afraid of the open waters nor am i scared of the things that live there,, like i regularly spend time watching deep sea videos i think they're so cool but oh my fucking god the idea of KELP IS MAKING ME LIKE ACTUALLY TWITCH EEEEEEEEUUUUUUUGHHH okok actually looking at it is kind of fine but the thought of it touching my feet is genuinely making me wanna throw up😭😭😭😭😭
#this is such a stupid thing bc sometimes it's fine#i live by the ocean i am a fish i have seen seaweed i have touched seaweed but it's different when you grab it on purpose compared to it#just randomly touching you#DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE#OMFG I'M GONNA SPIRAL#like once i thought i was gonna drown#mickey lore time#we were paddleboarding with my family and then me and my brother got off it and we started swimming to the shore and like we're both very#good swimmers so this was nothing insane aaand there were no waves or anything and my parents were still close by#but then at one point i was like oh i wonder how deep this actually is and i went under and i tried to touch the ground and sEAAWEEEDDDDD#EEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FEEL SICK JUST THINKING ABT ITTT#and it freaked me out so fucking bad and then i suddenly felt so tired and i just wanted to get out but i was still far away and i couldn't#stop thinking abt how it's gonna touch my feet again lmao#and i was very very very close to a panic attack in the water😭😭#oops#anyway i survived and i never told anybody i thought i was gonna drown bc i am not a pussy like that whewwwww#also. when i played subnautica (i only played for a few hours) i was more afraid of the fuckass kelp forest than anything else😭😭😭#i started thinking abt this bc i saw a video of a man in this dark scary cave (????) and like it was fine i was super intrigued until he pu#his fucking foot on the rock and you can just see the layer of seaweed i almost jumped out of my bed FUUCKKK THATTT
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idk why it’s just coming to me now but I remember feeling this cold, white catharsis upon realizing that it wasn’t Freddie’s decision to give Glenn that panic attack. It was Anthony’s. And the way he said it, so finite, “Glenn is having a panic attack.” in a tone that was used before only to set up a disastrous scene.
It hurt, a lot, because in the weirdest way possible that’s exactly what having a panic attack is like. You’re sitting there with your world crashing down around you and then a disembodied narrator suddenly says, “This bitch shutting down.” (Distinctly in a Stanley Parable manner.)
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#glenn close#using the team’s actual names instead of ‘mr/mrs lastname’ was fucking traumatizing but I did it so nobody would get confused#anyway I wanted to say something in the tags that I couldn’t above because I can’t add breaks while on mobile#so tw for active shooter DRILLS if you’re reading this#one time. not too long ago#we had an active shooter drill at school while I was in orchestra#and as soon as I heard that my body went ‘oh hell no’ but I have anxiety so I ignored it#and we got outside#and the whole music department was huddled in the parking lot#and it was a beautiful day#and I was shaking#and I turn to my acquaintance maddie and I go#‘I think im having a panic attack’#and then I start laughing hysterically. and I bend over with a hand on her shoulder because there are tears streaming down my face#and my conductor bless his gay soul he comes over like ‘what is going on’#and I had to shuffle to the bhr while an imaginary shooter was in the school#because I tried to Not have a panic attack and besties. take it from me. nobody has IGNORED a panic attack and lived to tell the tale#anyway. glenn just like me fr LMAO
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#tw suicide#tw overdose#tw suicide attempt#a close friend of mine overdosed for the 4th time in as many weeks last night and i just dont know what to feel anymore#she was sent home from the emergencies the 1st time and was staying with me for the 2nd which i still feel guilty about#how i was an idiot for not hiding any meds while i was in the shower#spent the full day at the hospital with her to make sure she was taken into inpatient care and not just dismissed#then yesterday morning shes released from the hospital and winds up in the same place that dismissed her the 1st time in the evening#and now isnt replying to any of my messages#and im just oscillating between feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety and nothing at all#and then feeling guilty when i feel nothing#or guilty that im angry at her because she purposefully did and said thing to hurt me#but shes hurting and i need and want to give her some slack but i just felt that attachment i had to her fade after the last thing she did#and i cant even bring it up with her bc last time i did she spiralled and didnt talk to me for a week#which is fucking worrying when shes so unstable#but ive not been eating or sleeping and just feel awful and anxious#at least now i have xanax for the panic attacks and dont have to rely on alcohol anymore but god#i just want things to get better#vent#delete later
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Person A: Do you want a beer? I’m paying.
Person B, going through the restaurant’s menu: No. Ugh, where’s the good stuff?
Person A, half jokingly: I thought you were an alcoholic.
Person B: Exactly. I’d need at least, like, four beers — without food — to get slightly buzzed, and my stomach can’t fit over 2 beers in it. I’m small. I’ll have a rum, neat.
#source: me#incorrect quotes#incorrect quotes ideas#incorrect quotes prompts#tw: drug mention#tw: drugs#i used to be so small when all i did was heroin and ketamine. since i started drinking (i only started drinking every night because the-#-opiate withdrawal was so fucking bad alcohol was the only thing that kept my legs from kicking all night long and my skin from feeling-#-like it was on cold wet fire somehow)#anyway. when all i did was opiates ™ i was like 45 kg and i’m 165 aka 5’5 like i looked like a sickly model#now it’s only been a month drinking and not doing morphine or some shit and i already gained 12 kg it’s insane i’m like almost 60 kg now#i’m queueing this for a month from now so hopefully it’ll have been 2 months when this gets posted#and like i say i’m an alcoholic cause i don’t think it’s normal to drink like 5 nights a week but i’m not chemically dependent on it like i-#-was with opiates like i’m sober half the time. ive never done surgery while drunk for instance. there was this one time i had just had 4-#-shots in the bathroom in secret cause i was having a panic attack and didn’t know what else to do but anyway.#and they asked me if i wanted to close up on a tubal ligation and i passed on the opportunity even though i was Fine bc idk i just didn’t-#-feel good ab it. which is more than i can say for my professor tbh#like some other medical intern said ‘wow it must be so hard having to be On Call 24/7. like i bet u can’t even drink’#and he said ‘oh come on surgeons have lives too. in fact i drank more than a few beers just a few hours ago lol’ and proceeded to cut-#-someone open#anyway. yeah. i don’t get drunk at work yk#felt like i had to make that clear
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really cool that my anxiety insists on being as public as humanly possible. god forbid im granted the luxury of privacy
#very public panic attack today 👍🏻 in front of a lot of people i know 👍🏻 had to inform someone im not super close to#so i could get some help collecting my stuff from class (where it happened) 👍🏻#now i have to email all my profs with details in case it happens again bc now i have no choice but to#go through the disability office for accommodations 👍🏻#waffled on whether or not to post about this on the public internet but everyone else is already up in my business by necessity#so what does it matter at this point
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Honestly reading the panic attack scene thinking back to me last night in the same position:
You wrote that well was much feeling very ouchy
im gonna have to start a "had an anxiety spike reading the holidate" self help group i think 💀
#sorry that hit so close for a bunch of people but if it helps when i wrote those scenes i was literally like#hm. when did i have my last panic attack. what was that like? oh yes i remember- oh shit i remember oh fuck shit damn oh god---#stupid like i am i went the 'lets try and recall that mindset so i can write it' and then literally just succeeded in making myself anxious#shkfbsjfk#felt pretty stupid tearing up while writing like okay can we not be dramatic right now. can we chill.#inbox#illbringyousolace#chapter spoilers
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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im done w moving and out of the shitty apt w the shittier roommate (who did not let move out happen without adding as Much drama as possible) and have just. been feeling so much better. living w my two friends who actually communicate well and all work together on our needs and gah. so less stressed and anxious now!!! and also in a week kitty introductions have gotten farther than they ever did w shitty roommates kitties (they were kinda bullies, so we had to move glacial speed even w oregano cat expert) and just. thank u the universe things are so much better now
#only improvement would be if anjo Also lived here curse grad school!!!!!!#i moved out over a week ago but we just tuened in keys after cleaning day on sunday#and across just those two days bad roommate accused me of faking cleaning a part of something (that was not requested or clear)#tried to turn anjo against me by saying im a liar and manipulator and gaslighter (which. listen the last one i could say the fuckin same)#(which is also so funny bc anjo and i are so close. became codependent in a heart beat. why tf would u think anjo is gonna be on ur side)#then at the walkthru pointed out things that were damaged (which they are Alsonin on that security deposit what are u doing)#and the texted again accusing me of shit with a stupid fucking infographic on weaponized incompetance#thankfully like all of these i had my friends with me bc when infirst got there for cleaning i uhhhh had a panic attack lol#so i had good support thru everything and now never have to deal w them#its just. been So much lmao. and its so fucking nice how calm and smooth things have been#like i had that sort of shit. i in general am good at communicating and avoid shitty drama like this person#so its been So exhausting. but im done now thank god#and the new place is so much better and nicer and i love the friends im living w and Yeah :')
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#miles thots#this is so stupid but i just saw one of those tiktoks that said ‘if you don’t use this sound your loved one will die tonight’#and i panicked and closed the app and now i’m panicking bc i didn’t use the sound#and logically ik it’s not real but i hate those#i think i’m having a panic attack i need help#cna someone please tell me it’s okay i don’t want anyone to die#tw death#vent
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#excuse me#dont give sleep deprived me a view like this of Niall and not expect me to have a full breakdown#i almost had a panic attack because he was so close#i cried the whole time#niall horan#niall horan the show#niall the show#niall the show Manchester
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Neta: *sigh*....... .......
Ikkan: nervous?
Neta:......a little bit yeah.....
Ikkan: *hehehe*...... Don't be nervous, you have nothing to be nervous about I'll be right here.... And after this I'll be here forever
Neta: till death do us part
Ikkan: till death do us part...(Peck).... Fix your tie....and ..... perfect.....now.......let's get married
[wedding music]
officiant: Good evening everyone, friends family we are guided here today to celebrate life's greatest moments and to cherish the words which shall unite Neta Verns
Neta: *smiling*.....*sniff*.......hehe
Officiant: and Ikkan Kane
Ikkan: *smiling*.....*sigh*.....
Officiant: you would like to exchange your vows
Neta: I'd like to go..............*sigh*...... ikkan.... I always look back and remember the first time we first met.
Ikkan: heheh
Neta: you were very standoffish and quiet heh You're also a little bit mean just a little bit
Ikkan: heheh
Neta: If something told me that that really wasn't you. I'm so happy My hunch was right. Ikkan You're kind, You're soft-spoken, you're so patient ....*crying*... I'm sorry........ Getting to see you everyday. Your smile, hearing your laugh and listening to you speak ....*sniff*...about your interest. Your passionate rants about Arpeggio and crescendo I still don't know what that means but I love hearing you say it....
Ikkan: ehhehehehe
Neta: that's the smile I like to see.... I love you Ikkan you're my best friend and I am truly grateful I'm going to live the rest of my life with you I-
[Alright he's been in there long enough. Pull him up]
Neta: what!?......... what!?..... what's happening!!....*cough*.....….*cough*.....what the fuck!!... what's going on?!
Octoling Superior: alright Verns you've been in the pit long enough. Time to get back to training. All chargers are outside doing target practice. Take your weapon and go out with the rest of them.
Neta: what?
Octoling Superior: go outside and do tragic practice. Your punishment is over go
Neta: but-but-but I was getting married! *huff* Where's my husband?! My store?! I had a store and my family.....*huff*..*huff*.... Cirrina......my daughter ......what happened to my crab cakes?!!.*huff*.......
Octoling soldier: *hehe* what's he talking about?
Octoling Superior: I've heard if you stay in the ink pit long enough without interaction the brain starts to hallucinate and starts making things up......to keep it self sane. He'll be fine.
Neta:*huff*huff**huff**sobbing**huff**huff**huff**huffhuffhuffhufff......AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaah-HA!!.. what?…..huh?..................*huff*.........................*huff*...................*huff*............*huff*.........*huff*.......*huff*........ where is it? Where is it?... here.....*huff*...[squeeze]
Plushie recording: Hi! Demersal the grounding fish! I'm going to ask a few questions ok?... can you name 3 you can see?
Neta:... my dresser......*huff*...my bed....my bass
Recording:.............good job!.....can you tell 3 things you can feel?
Neta:...my bed sheets....my clothes....*huff*....cold floor.....
Recording:..........okay!!....can you tell me where you are?
Neta:......*sigh*....my apartment
Recording:...............good job! Do you know what time it is? The short hand is the hour and the long hand is the minute!
Neta: I know that.... it's...6:47a.m.
Recording:.............. wow! Now can tell me about yourself how old are you!
Neta: ......................35.......
Recording: .........wow! wow!you're so big!
Neta: fuckyou
Recording:what's your name?
Neta: Neta
Recording:.........that's a nice name! We're almost done let's count back to 10 together! Ready?!10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1
Neta 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1......uggghh
Recording: you're doing so well let's take a deep breath ok? Breath in.....
Neta: [inhale]
Recording: now Breath out
Neta: [exhale]
Recording: you are safe.... I'm so proud of you! It's ok to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I know it can be really hard.. just Remember your grounding technique and don't forget to self-sooth!...stay safe hehe bye bye
Neta: you're lucky Behi gifted you to me...if it wasn't for him you would've been sold decades ago.........[chuck] ..............[inhale] [exhale]................ nibbles come here......Did I scare you off the bed?....*kiss*.. . I'm sorry..............hm?...
Mahi:*sleeping*....
Neta: heheh...*huff*...fish still here?.......heh makes sense...
_______________________________________________
Mahi: *yawn*..........ummm....uggg....... Neta you need to get a better couch this one sucks.....oh....
Neta: no.... I don't want you to come home... Not for something as dumb as a nightmare ..hehe....I'm fine.I know..i know I know babe I get that... You shouldn't have to drop everything for me..... I know you don't mind it but I do.... I hate that.... yeah I understand........ yeah........ yeah............................. You're right.......................*sigh*....no......I still don't want you to come home..... Can you at least stay on the phone with me for a while?....... Pancakes... I think I buried some hehehehe.....*sigh*... No.... it looks fine. A little dark in the middle..... It should be fine... You cook better than I do..... What are you doing?..... Why are you milking them by hand I thought you had a machine for that........ Oh she's scared of it? awwww poor manatee......... An hour? it takes an hour to get a full bucket of milk?....... Okay that's fair. They are big...I-(gasp).... Mahi!..[inhale exhale]........ How long have you been sitting there
Mahi: couple minutes..... Can I have a pancake
Neta:. .................... Yeah, I'm fine. No, it's just my employee, yeah fish still here......... I'll call you when I get to work..... I love you too...bye................... How many pancakes do you want?
_______________________________________________
Mahi: *eating*......
Neta:*eating*.......
Mahi: *eating*.... pancakes are good
Neta: *eating* thank you
Mahi: how do to make them shape like little octopuses
Neta:...Cirrina bought cookie cutter sets years ago. sometimes use them for molds for pancakes..... I use it for eggs too...*sniff*...........*sigh*............ I have to get ready for work.....[stretch].......[POP]...mmmmm......fuck not today knee...ssssss
Mahi:...*eating*....you know you really should try investing in a knee brace I think my friend has a couple of them I can see if she can give you one
Neta: that's nice........
Mahi: so I know you have to go to work and everything in a couple minutes. Would it be too much to ask to drive me to campus I got to go to the library and do some studying
Neta: Alright..... We'll leave 15 minutes... Do you have clothes to get dressed in?
Mahi: no
Neta: we can just find something in the drawer.....
Mahi: can I borrow these jeans?
Neta: Yeah sure. I don't think they don't fit you tho
Mahi: they fit me just fine I just need to cut the pants legs
Neta: *sigh*. . You know you might as well just take the rest of my old clothes. I'm never going to fit em again anyway
Mahi: really?
Neta: yeah really I insist I really don't care. You can have them
Mahi: are you sure?....
Neta: you know what I'll just give them to my daughter she doesn't listen to 'Cyrus in the cyclones' but I think she'll like the Cool vintage look of it
Mahi: no gimme! Don't give it to her! She'll just ruin it and turn it into a jagged uneven crop top! _______________________________________________
Ikkan: I finished milking tulip
Koi-koi: That's good hun. We'll have it pasteurized tomorrow. Just keep it in the fridge in the shed
Ikkan: alright
Cirrina: I'm going out..
Koi-koi: and where do you think you're going?
Cirrina: I need to go into the city The ferry leaves in an hour
Koi-koi: I don't think so. You haven't finished your chores you were supposed to refill the Manatee feed today and You're supposed to mix up the compost in the back.
Cirrina: I know I'll get to when I get back
Koi-koi: noooo... You will do it now. Young lady, I'm not like your father or your grandfather when I say do something you do it now. You can take the next ferry
Cirrina: but I-
Koi-koi: no buts young lady
Cirrina: I'm meeting someone
Koi-koi: meeting who Exactly?
Cirrina:.............a friend
Koi-koi: ....a friend? What friend?
Cirrina: (blush)......he's a boy
Koi-koi: a boy?.....
Cirrina: ... yeah....
Koi-koi: where is he taking you?
Cirrina: a museum, around town
Koi-ko:........ A museum?........................................,........ Be home by 9:00......... Here get yourself some food maybe a souvenir.
Cirrina: you're cool grandma....
Koi-koi: uh-huh whatever...... When you get home you'll do the chores that you were supposed to do and..... You wash the dishes
Cirrina: alright
_______________________________________________
Baja: did you see the commercial mom?
Baja's mom: I saw the commercial... I am so proud of you sweetheart You're going to be on TV how exciting
Baja: I know ... I still can't believe it
Baja's mom: this is going to open up so many opportunities. The benefits will be nice. You have a nice paycheck and a lot of money, make sure you save some of it. You're going to make so many new friends!!
Baja: yeah hehe I hope I do...
Baja's mom: I know you have problems making friends.
Baja: mmmmm
Baja's mom: You're a sweet boy you really are
Baja: thank mom
Baja mom: you know this might be the perfect time for you to find someone
Baja: fine who?
Baja's mom: A partner! Ohhhhhh I'm so happy for you honey. You can go on dates. You can meet new people. You'll be married in no time?
Baja: uhhhhh I guess....... I'm going to be really honest Mom. I don't really think I want to do that right now
Baja's mom: Well I don't want to rush you but it's good to start... You know your brother is already married and your sister is on her fifth kid...
Baja: Mom
Hine (Baja's mom): I know. I know I shouldn't compare my kids but let me just finish. Your siblings are no older than you and they've already have their lives set up and I don't want you to fall behind
Baja:Mom, I'm not falling behind. I-I just...ugh....... I'm just....... I'm just not good at dating and seeing people
Hine: What on Earth do you mean baby?! you're not good at dating? Honey, you're the most talkative and social person in the family! How could you think you're not good at dating? You're a real catch
Baja:.........
Hine: What about that fella you told me about? I looked him up, I didn't really like the images I saw .. what about him? I thought you liked him?
Baja: We broke up
Hine: you broke up?....*sigh*...... So you're single?........ So what are you just......... Are you just sleeping around?
Baja: (blush)..NO! I'M NOT
Hine:Sweetie, don't be embarrassed. A lot of young adults have casual sex ...I'm just saying you know eventually you need to settle down and-
Baja:I'm not.. I'm not..... I'm not having sex. I never had it
Hine:....…Well that's ok. Personally I waited to get married to-
Sibling: HA! VIRGIN!
Hine: Maui! What did I tell you about eavesdropping! Go!.............*sigh*....... Sweetheart..... I don't want to put pressure on you sweetie...... I just don't want you to be alone we're not good when we're alone... I want you to have a family
Baja: I'm not alone. I have a family. I have you and my siblings..........and Desmond I guess
Hine: we can't live forever honey you're going to need to find someone eventually.
Baja:................... alright..... I'll try to find someone...
Hine: I know you'll find someone there's someone out there for everyone including you sweetie....
Baja: ........ yeah.....l love you.... bye
Hine: I love you too
Baja:.....................danm
Hitch: we're filming in 15!
_______________________________________________
Bayou: this painting is a. Self-portrait of Joyce Veair she was our firat prime minister
Cirrina: wow... she's gorgeous she painted this herself
Bayou: Yes... She has so many paintings around the world. She even has one in Museum d'Alfonsino
Cirrina: really...... She's very talented.
Bayou: not only that, she was very intelligent and very outspoken....
Cirrina: what's this one
Bayou: this is a sculpture made entirely out of urchin spines it was made by tosh monui. Every month he'd shed his old spines. He would collect them and Stick them in a ball of wax until the ball was completely covered in spineies. After he'd take the rest to make a body, he would call them mace men because they look like maces with a body. He soon started to model them after cave drawings of primitive urchin
Cirrina: that's amazing....oh what's this one. This one is beautiful
Bayou: this one is called 'home'
Cirrina: it's a beautiful landscape....who is by?....... This piece was painted by One of the top students in krillarney School of arts and it's one of the youngest to be presented in This museum she has won several awards and has several nominations. We are privileged to have her in a museum This piece is called home by Bayou Ster..............wow same name as you
Bayou:.........ehehehehehe Cirrina. That's me this is my work.
Cirrina: oh..hehehe I'm stupid........ It's really nice. You're really talented....
Bayou: thank you.... This is one of my favorite paintings I used an old picture of my nan's old home.
Cirrina: I love the texture and the hills and trees. It's even in the river.... Do you have more paintings here?
Bayou: I have this big painting over here. This one took me a whole month to finish this one..... I rode the fairy everyday just to get the perfect reference for crashing waves
Cirrina: wow .. . it's amazing
Bayou: it's almost 6 do you want to get something to eat. We can go to Mrs Cuddles to get some fried cod and hush puppies
Mrs Cuddles: Harold, bring these pines to table 7!...
Bayou: hi Mrs Cuddles!
Mrs Cuddles: Bayou how are you darling, Cirrina! Ohhhh... You two hungry? Let me get you something Harold, drop two more cod in the fryer!!..... You to relax. I'll get you ladies some sodas while you wait
Bayou: thank you!
Cirrina: thanks............................................. So you're probably going to think I'm really dumb but for the past 3 days I thought you were a guy
Bayou:.............hehehehe Did you?.must be the tentacle cut huh?
Cirrina: hehehe... yeah...hehehe... I'm sorry.....
Bayou: If I'm being real here I don't identify with anything in particular...if you see me as a guy I don't mind it
Cirrina: if you don't identify as that I don't want to
Bayou: I see myself as everything and nothing, masculine and feminine and anything in-between. I really don't mind Cirrina
Cirrina: All right if you put it that way hehehe
Mrs Cuddles: here you go! Fresh cod and a large bag of hush puppies for the road!
Cirrina: thanks how much do I owe you?
Mrs Cuddles: nonsense it's on the house. Kiddies eat for free here. Once you reach the age to drink you have to pay
Cirrina: thanks Mrs Cuddles!....
_______________________________________________
Neta: *humming*...(Pat)..*humming*....(Pat)......
Ona:.........
Candi: *snoring*........*snoring*.......
Tv
Baja:What is music at midnight? Well as the names in the title says we're going to be talking about music and it's going to be airing during midnight.
Announcer: music at midnight a new late night talk show! Premieres tonight only on O.E.T!
Neta:.....*sigh*....... ikkan would love this show. .........me and him cuddling watching TV at midnight. Under a blanket surrounded by pillows...................... I miss him....
Ona: [baby noises]
Neta: yeah? You would like the show too Ona?
Bowie: what are you watching?
Neta: Bowie go back to bed. It's past your bedtime, go back upstairs with your mom
Bowie: but she snores too loud!
Neta: Bowie.. .... okay
Bowie: what's in this room?
Neta: noooo that's my daughter's room you can't go in there....let's sit down on the couch..... come on........(click).....why don't we watch 'Ollie? ...you like Ollie
Bowie: alright
Tv
[Music]........Mom!..[music].......Dad!.........[music].......Leo!......[music]...........OLLIE!
Bowie: hehe
Neta: you need to lay down. try to get some sleep before your dad picks you up. You start preschool soon, you need a proper sleep schedule.
Bowie: okay
Ona: [fussy baby noises]
Neta: you need to sleep too young lady ......
Ona [crying]
Neta: someone is hungry..... Come on baby girl. Let's get you something to eat and fresh dia-(gasp).....*sigh*..... I need to put a bell on you
Mahi: I need to finish my homework I won't be annoying I promise.
Neta: where's Baja should he be at home with you?
Mahi: He's at work... They're doing a test stream or something or whatever
Ona: [crying]
Neta:.......*sigh*... Alright ........ I have some left overs in the fridge if you want anything.... Can you watch Bowie? Just make sure he's sleeping or watching TV as long as he's quiet.....
Mahi: ......(typing) alright
Neta: come on Ona....
_______________________________________________
Cirrina: ..... that was pretty good
Bayou: Yes I go there every other Sunday....
Cirrina: I leave on Sunday.... Maybe I can get another one before I leave....... Is that a music store?
Bayou: The old music store? Ye.....you play an instrument?
Cirrina: I play the cello .... It's nothing impressive really..... Second chair trying to get first chair in high school
Bayou: wow I'd like to see you play
Cirrina: no...nooo I-I couldn't .... You were going to take me to the cafe
Bayou: come on... Let's go inside....... We have plenty of time
Cirrina: ehhhhhh ok..... ...
Bayou: excuse me do you have a Cello we can try out?
Employees: sure.....hol up...let meh jest.......unlock.....here ya are..... .
Bayou: here you go Cirrina
Cirrina: [playing Bach: Cello Suite No. 1]
Bayou: [clap]...[clap] ...wow brains and beauty
Cirrina: (blush)..........you don't mean that
Bayou: I do .... You really talented
Cirrina: hehehe.............
Bayou:................
Cirrina: It's getting dark. I need to go home.
Bayou: Yeah why don't I take you to the cafe and get something to go and I can walk you to the ferry....{takes hand}
Cirrina: I'd like that.
_______________________________________________
Candi: mmmmmmm.....*yawn*........*huff*........(Squeak).....hm?
Plushie
Recording: I believe in you and your strength to keep fighting
Candi: Demersal?....... Do they still give these out?.....(Squeeze)
Recording: sometimes bad things happen and they're out of our control. It wasn't your fault
Candi: Cod I hated this thing ........ alright where are my kids? .... I'm well rested and ready to go........hey Neta..(toss)...
Neta:...ow......... hey........(Pat).......(Pat)......(Pat)
Bowie: *sleeping*..........
Candi: thanks for watching the kids. Donn had to go back to work today...*yawn*...... just needed a break..
Neta: no problem
Candi: how's Ona doing?
Ona:*sleeping*.......
Neta: she's fine......
Candi: .. That's good.. .... why do you still have this thing?
Neta: it was a gift... I got it when I was a kid...I just can't give it away
Candi:............
Neta: What! Ok what did you do with yours?
Candi: I ripped out the voice box and gave it to Bowie. He then threw up on it so I threw it away. Kids...
Neta: yeah... I had an old blanket I used to wrap her in. One blowout later and it was in the trash
Candi: hehehehe... Don't you just love being a parent sometimes?
Neta: heheheh.... Don't tell her I told you that she would kill me.. hehehdhe
Mahi:.......guys
Candi: hi mahi..........
Mahi: hey
Candi: ....... Donn's outside I got to get going.... Neta do you mind?
Neta: *scooping up Bowie*....yeeep let's go.....
_______________________________________________
Cirrina: I really enjoyed this.. I had fun.
Bayou: I had fun too Cirrina. I really like you
Cirrina: I like you too ..........................
Bayou:...............
Cirrina:...........
Bayou:..........*leaning in*............[kiss].....
Cirrina: [kiss]........ Hehehe
Bayou: hehehehehe
Cirrina: (blush)..... I- I need to go....uh
Bayou: I'll text you.......[peck]
Cirrina: bye......
_______________________________________________
Neta: alright!! Drive safe!!!!.....*sigh*......... mahi go home.
Mahi: I just got here! And I'm not being annoying. Please can I stay just one more night please
Neta: No, I didn't sleep well last night and I just had to babysit two kids. Let me have my peace. You've been staying here for a week. You practically live here. I need to clean up, I need to do the dishes and vacuum the floor, laundry .. I need to clean out nibbles's box. I need to make this place look like I wasn't wallowing in my own loneliness. All right
Mahi: you can do that when I'm here. It's not going to bother you
Neta: mahi goooooo home.....
Mahi: please can I say one more night please? I won't complain about the couch
Neta: no..... good bye
Mahi: but my apartment is quiet. You complain about wallowing in your loneliness. What about me you don't think I'm wallowing
Neta: get a pet or something ... (SLAM)
Mahi: (bang).....(bang)...... Where do I get a pet
Neta:AAAAAAAAAHHHH........*sigh*.. . . You can stay. This is your last night here. Tomorrow I will take you to the pet store after work pick out whatever you want and leave me alone..
Mahi: thanks Neta!
_______________________________________________
@fish-at-fish-fish-resort mahi go home
#ok so demersal is based off this plush my grandma gave me.#i used to get really bad panic attacks so she gave this bear that had her voice recordings of grounding technique#she also put in corny things like it's ok to cry I have a very love-hate relationship with it so yeah#demersal the grounding fish was based off a teddy bear my grandma gave me#except this is more shallow and empty and is given to soldiers in military it's in all the hospital/ e-ward gifts shops#it's kida like a write of passage (inside joke) in the military to give fellow soldiers the fish plush#as a good job you passed training/ graduated/ survived a very traumatic event#behi gave it to Neta unironically#and ironically#mahi on the emo to punk pipe line and what's more punk then wearing clothes older than you given by your manager#koi-koi being a girls girl letting her granddaughter skipped chores to go on a date#she wants to know everything about the date of course#Baja's mom means well she's just with the times schooling fish used to rely on marriage and dating to be social#now they just stay in their bosses apartment for long periods of time so they won't be alone or share beds with their roommate#i could be wrong feel free to correct me#that moment when you have your first kiss and sapphic experience overseas but if you told your friends they'd think you're lying#bayou the he/him lesbian teenage heart throb yay#I'm being honest I think I might make Cirrina a separate character from the rest of the story#but she's still going to be here but there's also going to be another one outside of this. just a personally mine idk#i want to work on a y2k aesthetic queer girl hood shit and Cirrina and Bayou are perfect for that#neta being the designated babysitter when the parent is at work or too tired to function#he even stayed in the mall after closing because Phoebe's mom had to go to work for an emergency#Ollie is a very obvious ripoff of bluey but that's what the kids and adults with parental issues love so whatever#some Candi lore I guess she went to a military school but never went into the military she's just a jrotc kid but not insufferable#mahi is getting a pet yay#'the pit' is a vat of ink if you misbehave you are put in the pit to dissolve in the ink and left there for a long amount of time#think of it as solitary confinement#neta
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random thought about wish 🫵🏼
Does he have a favorite animal? Maybe I'll ask. After I catch my breath. I stood too close to him again. Maybe I'll ask him from afar. Or I could write him a note. Actually, nevermind, this is silly-
#nooo iago your whimsy#Im so intrigued by the suffocating effect you day wish has on other bhaalspawn bc I KNOW iago is so very weak to it#they're the weakest link of all the bhaalspawn of COURSE they stop breathing when they stand too close to wish#iago trying really hard to not have a panic attack: hey wish what's your favorite execution method I MEAN your favorite animal lol#redemnation#★. *･｡━━━ 🪤 stupid intruders ~ inbox#★. *･｡━━━ 🎱 an extraordinary machine ~ ic
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