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capseycartwright · 3 years

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your love takes me there, this I swear

buck loves just about everything about eddie - but he especially loves his hands.

or, musings on how buck fell in love with eddie because of his hands. inspired by this gifset of eddies hands and my utter lack of self-control!

ao3 link

Buck loves just about everything about Eddie. Really - the list of things he loves about Eddie is long, and possibly embarrassing, and ranges from the perfectly mundane like Eddie’s smile, to the downright cringey, like how much he likes the tiny, adorable snuffling noises Eddie makes when he’s sleeping on his side.

Buck loves everything about Eddie -

But he especially loves his hands.

Buck’s not entirely sure when he first noticed Eddie’s hands, but he thinks it was probably fairly early on in their friendship. It sort of came with the territory, noticing hands - hands that worked to save someone's life on a medical call, hands that fought fires. Buck probably noticed fairly early on, because he had to watch Eddie work, and how could he not notice that Eddie had quick, clever hands - hands that had clearly seen plenty of medical emergencies before and knew how to work quickly and effectively? He admired it - even underneath all his initial assholerely, Buck admired it. Eddie was a clever guy, and good at his job, and he’d been a threat, in the beginning, and then he’d quickly become Buck’s best friend in the entire world.

Eddie’s hands were focused, and clever, at work - they had been from day one. Buck, to this day, liked to sit back and admire Eddie’s hands when he could. Eddie’s hands were clever, and they were strong. Every day of his life, when Buck put his uniform on and started work, he put his life in Eddie’s hands, and Eddie had never given him a reason to question the unwavering faith Buck had felt from the moment they’d worked to save that man’s life in the ambulance. Eddie’s hands were the hands that Buck trusted to double-check his harness, when he was going to do a rope rescue - it was a job Buck had never really even trusted Bobby to do, always doing a third check when someone else had checked him over, just to be sure - but Buck trusted Eddie to do it. The routine was familiar, now - Buck would harness up, and Eddie would double-check every clip, every knot, tugging and tightening with a practiced ease and familiarity.

Eddie’s hands were the ones who would operate the winch, when Buck was doing a rope rescue. Buck always felt safe, knowing Eddie’s hands were the ones that were holding onto his rope, that Eddie’s hands were the ones his life was in. Eddie’s hands were the safest place Buck had ever known. Eddie’s hands were the ones he felt on his shoulder, during a fire, reassuring him that Buck wasn’t alone. Eddie’s hands worked alongside his, to wrangle hoses and pull victims out of fires. They were hands Buck knew as well as his own - hands that felt like an extension of his own, while they worked.

He noticed the way Eddie’s hands worked, first - and then he noticed how Eddie handled Christopher. Buck was probably biased, yes, but he firmly believed Eddie was the best father in the entire world. Eddie - he never babied Christopher, never made his son feel less than, he was never cold with Chris, never denied his son anything. The first time Buck met Christopher, he’d driven Eddie to Christopher’s school, and he’d watched as the hands that had saved lives in the aftermath of the earthquake had lifted his son into a relieved hug with a gentleness Buck hadn’t seen from the older man, until then.

Eddie’s hands were always gentle, and loving, with Christopher. Over the years, Buck had watched as Eddie’s hands had ruffled Christopher’s hair, hands that had helped Christopher with his crutches, hands that had supported and loved the little boy in all the ways Buck had never experienced in his life. He thinks - in hindsight - watching Eddie with Christopher only ever helped Buck fall completely in love with Eddie. Eddie was soft, and kind, and gentle, and patient with his son - even when Christopher was throwing the kind of epic tantrum Buck wasn’t sure he’d know how to handle, Eddie would simply give his son a firm look, and with gentle hands, direct him to the couch and explain that they needed to talk about their feelings - not shout about them.

How could Buck not fall in love with the hands that tucked Christopher into bed every night, hands that put Christopher’s glasses aside when Christopher fell asleep while they were reading - hands that easily lifted Chris from the couch and into bed, after movie night, hands that were raising the best kid Buck knew. Eddie didn’t give himself enough credit, if you asked Buck - because he was the greatest example of fatherhood Buck had ever seen, and he got to see it every single day. Buck felt like he learned from it - learned how to be a role model, putting Eddie’s parenting into practice as Jee-Yun got older and Buck’s role in her life felt infinitely more important than ever.

Buck noticed the way Eddie’s hands worked, first - and the way they loved Christopher, second.

The way Eddie’s hands loved him was the greatest revelation of Buck’s life. Looking back - Eddie’s hands had been telling Eddie’s secrets for years, long before Eddie himself had ever confessed his feelings for Buck. Buck remembered the first time they hugged - really hugged, and not the slap on the back, bro-style hugs that had dominated the first few months of their friendship.

No, their first real hug had been after the bombing - Buck didn’t like to think about those few months, all that much, and he liked to think about the time he spent in the hospital even less, but there was a moment that he liked to think about. Buck had been alone - which was rare, given the shifts the 118 and his family took to keep him company as he recovered - and Eddie had come, late, after a shift, and he’d found Buck crying. Buck had been too tired and emotionally wrung out to be embarrassed, and Eddie had simply wiped away his tears with those magnificent, healing hands, and he’d hugged Buck close, as though he could squeeze him hard enough and put all the broken pieces of Evan Buckley back together and from that moment Buck was sure the only place he could truly be happy was when he was being held in Eddie’s hands.

Eddie’s hands had told the story of his feelings long before Eddie had said the words out loud - hands that offered Buck coffee, on his bad mornings. Hands that took Buck’s keys from him, on the days he was too tired to drive, hands that bundled Buck into the passenger seat of Eddie’s car. Hands that lingered and hands that held Buck close and hands that loved and said so much long before either of them had found the words for what had started burning between them so many years previously.

Buck remembered the moment it had all been set alight - and you’d have to forgive the ironic metaphor, for a firefighter, but he wasn’t sure there was any other way to describe how it felt to finally love Eddie loudly and freely - it was as though his body had been set alight with it all and Buck had been so fucking happy to burn because it was Eddie, and maybe that wasn’t all that eloquent but Buck would walk through fire every day of his life if it meant he got to have five minutes at the end of every day with Eddie - he was just lucky that he got Eddie for so much more than 5 minutes, he got to have Eddie all the time.

Eddie had kissed him first. Buck would always remember the moment - the way their argument seemed to stop, right in the middle, because suddenly, you could cut the tension between them with a knife and something shifted and changed and Eddie was cupping Buck’s face in those beautiful hands of his and he was kissing Buck like he was worth something and pleading with Buck to understand that regardless of anyone else - Eddie couldn’t live without him.

Buck loved being loved by Eddie’s hands. Over the years, it felt like Eddie’s hands had mapped every single inch of Buck’s body - Eddie’s magical, magnificent hands knew exactly where to touch, where to tickle, where to hold. God - Buck would never get over how it felt to be held by Eddie. Eddie had big hands - and the multitude of entirely not PG fun that brought about aside - Eddie’s hands were big enough to make Buck feel held. Eddie’s hands felt like they spanned the entire expanse of Buck’s ribcage, familiar and grounding when it felt like Buck’s lungs were being crushed with the weight of the anxiety that felt like it was never going to let him be, even after years of therapy and talking and recovery. Even then, Eddie’s hands were steadying, keeping Buck above water.

Buck loved to hold Eddie’s hand. Eddie’s hands - just like the rest of Eddie - were warm, warm and calming and familiar and Buck took every opportunity he could to link his fingers with Eddie’s - across the centre console of the car, in the grocery store, sitting on the couch watching TV after Christopher had gone to bed.

Buck could write a novel, about the way Eddie’s hands felt - calloused, and a little rough, the result of a life spent working manual jobs that required those helpful, healing hands of Eddie’s. They were still soft, though - soft, and warm, and familiar, and the greatest comfort Buck had ever known, whether that comfort was in a ridiculous haunted house Chimney had forced them to go to (it was, in Buck’s defence, actually terrifying, and he’d been justified in holding onto Eddie’s hand with a death grip), or whether that comfort was the steadying presence of Eddie by his side as his doctor had quietly admitted Buck’s yearly scan of his leg had shown a strange abnormality. Hands that had held Buck close as he panicked, and cried, hands that had shared in Buck’s joy as everything had turned out to be just fine.

Hands that had shaken, as he’d proposed to Buck. They’d talked about marriage, in that vague, far off, maybe one day sense - and if Buck was being honest, he wouldn’t have minded if they had never gotten married. What they had, the love he and Eddie shared, was too big to be described only by marriage and a ring - but Buck couldn’t deny the thrill that had gone down his spine as Eddie had gotten down on one knee and produced a ring with shaking hands and asked Buck to make it official.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Buck hummed happily, leaning back against Eddie as his husband slotted himself behind Buck on the couch on their hotel balcony, bracketing Buck’s hips with his knees. “Just thinking,” he said, marking his place in his book, twisting a little so he could look at Eddie. The four days of glorious, uninterrupted sunshine had done wonders for Eddie, a healthy glow to his skin that could only be the result of a slow, lazy, ‘we’re not doing a single adventurous or touristy thing’ kind of honeymoon.

“About good things?” Eddie asked, those glorious hands of his threading through Buck’s hair, familiar as they tugged at his salt-water matted curls.

“About you,” Buck admitted, twisting his fingers with Eddie’s, taking a second to admire the bright platinum wedding band that sat there - a wedding band Buck had put there only a few short days ago. It was simple, plain and thin to anyone who might give it a passing glance - and engraved on the inside, decorated with words that would only ever go a fraction of the way of explaining the love that Buck felt for Eddie - love that consumed him in the best and brightest and most welcome ways.

“I’m right here,” Eddie reminded, as though Buck could forget that he was on a blissful, week-long honeymoon with his husband in a very fancy, very quiet, five-star hotel. It had taken them a long time to get to where they were - and so they had decided they were going to savour every single second of their first week of marriage.

“I know,” Buck reassured, pressing a kiss to the back of Eddie’s hand. “I was just reminding myself of how much I love you.”

Eddie’s smile was the most glorious thing Buck had ever seen - forget art, and music, and ancient cities full of history. No, Eddie Diaz’s smile was one of the greatest wonders of Buck’s world. “I love you too,” Eddie reassured, his other hand coming to rest on Buck’s chest, right where his heart was, and a part of Buck wanted to scream it in time with the thrum of his own heartbeat, to try and make Eddie understand what Buck still felt like he didn’t have the words for - it’s yours, it’s yours, it belongs to you.

Buck loved Eddie’s hands - hands that healed, and helped, hands that had given Buck hope, hands that loved.

Hands he was going to get to hold onto forever.

#911 fox #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie fic #in which i ramble #in which lorna writes fic #its just 2k about eddies hands don't @ me i know i have a problem

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decennia · 3 years

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i give u free reign to infodump ab all of the knights and the og army bc i am vv intrigued agjgssgsh

THERE IS SO MUCH HERE OMFG MORAL OF THIS STORY NEVER ASK ME TO INFO DUMP BECAUSE I WILL TAKE FULL ADVANTAGE OF IT—

I've separated it into sections:

The Knights of Walpurgis, and the motivations for their assigned sins.

Dumbledore's First Resistance, and the motivations for their assigned virtues.

The dynamics between the opposing contenders.

Given the sheer volume of information, I've included a cut. Please enjoy this manip that I am still very proud of.

THE KNIGHTS OF WALPURGIS (later known as Death Eaters) Tom Riddle (Pride)

Pride and arrogance were very large contributing factors to Tom Riddle's downfall in the end, and honestly, the whole idea for the gifset came from Florence + The Machines' Seven Devils playing while casually thinking of Dagrim and Tom, and then about how perfectly Tom would fit as Lucifer.

Dagrim Patil (Avarice)

When questioned about what she wants, and what Riddle promised her in exchange for her unwavering loyalty, her response is, quite simply: everything. Dagrim grew up starved not for affection, but recognition. And what she was denied in childhood, she would take in adulthood by force. Her philosophy is that if something is worth wanting, it is worth taking.

Cantankerous Nott IV (Lust)

We know so little about Theodore Nott's father from the source material, other than he was elderly, and he raised Theo himself. And that he was a Death Eater, of course. His name is an ode to his ancestor, the Cantankerous Nott who created the Sacred Twenty-Eight pureblood directory. I assigned him "lust" purely for the events leading to the conception of his son (sis, it gets messy).

Abraxas Malfoy (Envy)

Abraxas Malfoy envied Tom Riddle to the point of a half attempted mutiny. He was quickly put in his place, his co-conspirators made examples of, and spared only for his close friendship with Dagrim, who pleaded for his life. Riddle, who trusted Dagrim to a fault for all she'd done to earn it, conceded. Abraxas would later prove himself to Riddle again, regaining his seat among Riddle's favoured generals. He was the one who taught Lucius to never disobey the Dark Lord, and he was not a kind teacher.

Ulysses Mulciber (Gluttony)

Indulgence and excess, spoiled rotten and filthy rich. The Mulcibers were the richest of the Sacred at one point in their lives, rivalled only by the Malfoys. Ulysses never knew the meaning of "enough," and was a glutton not only in all manners of vice, but also for cruelty, dealing it out carelessly with little to no regard for the repercussions he was well protected from by his noble standing and wealth. He was one of Riddle's greatest allies and sponsors, and instrumental in his rise to power.

Carmilla Avery (Wrath)

Carmilla was in the year above Riddle, and was quick to anger and slow to calm. Her temper was legendary, and even her younger brothers – also admitted into the Death Eater ranks – feared her. She had an untempered fury, a rage at the world for no reason at all. She developed an unhealthy codependency with Abraxas Malfoy, who served to have a soothing presence over her. People seldom survive crossing her, as her reputation dictates.

Serafine Lestrange (Sloth)

Serafine is not lazy (as the sin "sloth" would suggest), she just lacks the motivations to pursue the goals that are expected of her. A particularly bright witch, and a wealthy one too, she never applied herself at school for she didn't see the need. Instead, she fell into a fascination of the Dark Arts, where she met Riddle, perusing the Restricted Section. She is rather discontented with life, disillusioned from already such a young age. She initially joins Riddle's gang for the excitement of it all.

DUMBLEDORE'S FIRST RESISTANCE (later known as the Order of the Phoenix in its official conception in 1970)

Albus Dumbledore (Patience)

Name a man more patient than Dumbledore, I'll wait. Better yet, he'll wait, because he's patient as hell. So patient, in fact, he waited until after Harry's supposed death to come to him as a hallucination and tell him about how he was a Horcrux.

Rathin Patil (Temperance)

Temperance is abstinence, and I wanted to explore the kind of toll having his sister so far gone into the dark would have on any man, let alone one who really cared for her and wanted to do right by her. Rathin is not a perfect man, he is still fallible, and unfortunately, he develops a dependent comfort in inebriation when Dagrim disappears with Riddle. He pulls himself back together, especially when he becomes Isaiah Moody's partner at the Ministry, and he begins to pursue Miraya.

Miraya Varma (Diligence)

Methodical and persistent, Miraya Varma earned herself a position at the Ministry immediately out of Hogwarts where she would later go on to form her own task force within the Ministry specifically designed for the interrogation and recommended sentencing of dark wizards and witches. She has been known to put her duty first, up until the birth of her son, Divyansh Patil, father to Padma and Parvati.

Isaiah Moody (Humility)

For a very long time, people seldom knew the Moody name, and that was the way Isaiah liked it. He believed that his line of work would endanger his loved ones (in spite of his wife being in the same profession) and so he never took credit for the numerous arrests he made. It was Isaiah who suspected something was strange about Morfin Gaunt's arrest while investigating the Riddle Massacre, and consulted Dumbledore about it. Once his identity was discovered and he was viewed as a threat by Riddle, an attack was made on his heavily pregnant wife, jeopardizing her and his unborn boy's (Alastor) life.

Minerva McGonagall (Chastity)

Mini Minnie is seventeen, my dudes. But not only that, Minerva grew up with a religious father (he was canonically a reverend), who probably taught her his values. Also given the fact that Minerva was the first of the younger generation to participate and involve herself in the war (she sought out Dumbledore and enlisted herself into his Resistance, fearing her family would be made into another statistic if she didn't at least do something to intervene), she really didn't have much time to think about something as arbitrary as the concept of virginity. Also, it's the 1950s.

Corinne Scamander (Kindness)

Corrine is honestly the greatest. She has all of the tenacity of Tina, and the best qualities of Newt. It was Dumbledore's previous bond with Newt that encouraged him to recruit her, and she willingly accepted, because of course she would. She'd always been the soft spoken girl with a tender touch and a love for life, and she was often the advocate for hope in the resistance. She was adept in a few healing charms she'd learned from her father, and was something of a specialist in magical beings, proving herself to be highly valuable while Riddle was expanding his ranks with all manner of dark creatures.

Declan Diggory (Charity)

Sacrifice is in the Diggory blood, and Cedric's grandfather, Declan, was not the first to prove it. He also, unfortunately, wasn't the last, but he sure was one of the best. Selfless to a fault, Declan would willingly get hypothermia if it meant someone else would have warmth. Diggory's contributions to the war effort consisted of offering sanctuary and shelter to muggleborns who received death threats, and orchestrating the evacuations of targeted muggle residences. He was the leader of a small faction of the resistance, including, but not limited to: Fleamont Potter, Enoch Longbottom, Wilhelm Shacklebolt, and Ramona McKinnon.

DYNAMICS (just the contenders for now because this is hella long)

Albus Dumbledore vs. Tom Riddle

Adversaries, a fair deal of mistrust and guilt from Dumbledore's side (upon reflection, he'd been the one to introduce Tom to the wizarding world; even though he knows that if Riddle had been left unchecked, the risk of him becoming an Obscurus would've resulted in catastrophe all the same). Riddle sees Dumbledore as nothing more than a foolish old man, a pest, and an obstacle to overcome at first, but learns to begrudgingly respect Dumbledore's strength and mastery of magic (after all, Riddle only knew him as the Transfiguration teacher before, and thought the accounts of Dumbledore's victory over Grindelwald had been exaggerated to great effect). Riddle's hubris was believing he could defeat Dumbledore on his own, thinking himself already stronger than Grindelwald ever hoped to be.

Rathin Patil vs. Dagrim Patil

Rathin had always been very protective of Dagrim, and loved her dearly, although his acts of affection were often misinterpreted as pity and condescension. This only served to push them further apart. When Dagrim turned to the Dark Arts and found solace in Riddle, it revolted Rathin, as he was hugely against the corruption the Dark Arts has on the performing witch or wizard, and wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy. He still very much loves her, and it hurts him to fight her. Dagrim, on the other hand, finds catharsis in duelling her brother, believing it to be justice for the way her parents treated her and the little he did to dissuade them.

Miraya Varma vs. Cantankerous Nott

A mutual respect and an academic rivalry, Cantankerous and Miraya were not friends by any means, but not enemies, either. Cantankerous even went as far as to warn Miraya of an impending attack, allowing her to evacuate the building. But although he knows she's clever, he also knows that she's incredibly stubborn, and displayed little surprise to find her awaiting him in the now vacant building. They are equally matched, and their unique relationship spans several decades, even into Cantankerous' failed run at Minister for Magic, and Theodore and the Patil twins' time at Hogwarts. She was present at his trial following the Battle of the Department of Mysteries, and watched as he was sentenced to life in Azkaban for his crimes as a Death Eater.

Isaiah Moody vs. Abraxas Malfoy

Given his profession, Isaiah has a lot of enemies on the Sacred Twenty-Eight who are loyal to the Dark Lord. One such enemy is Abraxas Malfoy. When Tom gets word of Moody's involvement in solving the Riddle Massacre, he sends Malfoy and a newer Death Eater, Evangeline Rosier, to hinder the investigation. Abraxas and Evangeline were responsible for the attack on Isaiah's heavily pregnant wife, who, if she hadn't been an Auror herself, would've never survived. Alastor Moody was prematurely born at St. Mungo's following the attack, and all of Isaiah's efforts were turned on exacting vengeance on those responsible. Malfoy went into hiding, but Isaiah, ruthless, managed to hunt down Rosier. She died under questioning, setting in motion a vicious cycle of vengeance between the Moodys and Rosiers. Once Isaiah had been killed by Evangeline's brother (Evan [who was named after her] Rosier's father), Abraxas deemed it safe to rejoin society.

Minerva McGonagall vs. Ulysses Mulciber

On the list of things Ulysses loathes, he would put half-bloods above muggleborns (although he turns a blind eye to his Dark Lord's blood status when it conveniences him). Half-bloods only serve as a reminder of the lowest and weakest of his kind; the unworthy muggleborns, the lecherous blood traitors, the vermin muggles. Mulciber prides himself as something of a "purifier," and finds great enjoyment in pruning family trees that have been poisoned by muggle blood into purity once more. He takes a great interest in Minerva McGonagall, given that she is an incredibly powerful witch at such a young age, and he wonders how glorious she would've been had she been a pureblood (a twisted and untrue belief among the Sacred Twenty-Eight during that time). Minerva, the threat of Mulciber weighing heavily on her, places her family under Dumbledore's protection. She vows to stop Mulciber and his perverse idea of justice.

Corinne Scamander vs. Carmilla Avery

It didn't take much to enrage Carmilla Avery, and Corinne had been caught in the tempest Carmilla's fury since the day they'd met. Carmilla, who took great pleasure in picking on people she deemed lesser, made a target out of Corinne, perceiving her kindness for weakness. During their time at Hogwarts, Corinne had gained the attention of Avery for being a blood traitor and a muggle sympathizer, which only strengthened Carmilla's vindication. Corinne, who had been friends with Rubeus Hagrid prior to his expulsion, and who had almost fallen prey to the basilisk when she had heard Myrtle Warren's cries from the bathroom, never lowered herself to Carmilla's level nor did she rise to any of the challenges. This hurt Avery's ego, as she thought this was Corinne's way of claiming herself better than her. It wasn't until after Hogwarts that Carmilla's growing resentment came to a head, and, without the protection the school offered Corinne, Carmilla was looking to finally put an end to the blood traitor line of Scamander.

Declan Diggory vs. Serafine Lestrange

Declan and Serafine were childhood friends who drifted apart during their time at Hogwarts, particularly when she fell in with Riddle's crowd. She is viewed by Dumbledore as having the power to sway the entire outcome of the war, for if Serafine could be persuaded into leaving Riddle, her cousins (one of whom is the father of Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange) would surely comply, and the families who held the Lestranges in high regard would be inclined to follow. This makes Declan and Serafine key pieces in Dumbledore's game of strategy. However, Serafine was disowned long before she defected from the Death Eaters, leaving the Lestranges firmly in Riddle's grasp. Although Serafine claimed to feel nothing for Diggory, she still refused to deal any real harm to him when they duel, in spite of having ample opportunity to do so; something which Riddle picked up on. She was later forced to torture Declan in front of him to prove her loyalty to the Dark Lord, something which Declan permitted her to do, knowing she had very little choice in the matter. He was left for dead, but Serafine would later secretly return with Corinne to get him medical attention. She gives her son, Francis, "Declan" as a middle name.

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kbsd · 4 years

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not sure if you’ve answered this before, but what’s your process look like when you make an amv? i’m just curious and in constant awe of ppl who can make videos like you do :)

hello all!!! i have answered this before and i have a vid help tag with other asks i’ve gotten about stuff like this! but i’ve gotten several more messages along these lines so i’m just going to answer a bunch of them together (under a cut since i love to ramble about editing lol). i do just wanna say i’m definitely not the authority on video editing and obv everyone has their own techniques!

edit: i just finished typing all this up and it’s SO long so sorry in advance LMAO god bless anyone who reads this entire thing

so i work in news tv and we have a very specific workflow for writing scripts, sourcing video, producing, and editing. i’ve just applied that to making amvs! for every video i make, i copy the song lyrics into a google doc and adjust them to match the song i’ve cut (i often will trim songs for time and/or content purposes). then i start planning! i’ll mark down what clip i want to use for each lyric next to that line, and any sound bites i want to use (with episode numbers!). i’ll color code between video and sound bites and lyrics, so my scripts end up looking something like this (for my honeybee amv):

doing the planning ahead of time makes everything much easier when it’s a video that spans the whole show or involves a lot of sourcing, like honeybee or sports analogies. that way when i get to the actual editing process, i already know what i’m going to do and have a game plan. for videos like happy ending or believe it or not, where i’m mainly just pulling from a few episodes, i can just plan it in my head as opposed to writing it all down, and produce as i edit. obviously i do make in-the-moment decisions while editing—sometimes a shot doesn’t work the way i thought it would, or i go where the video takes me—but planning ahead definitely helps. i know some people use spreadsheets as well, with columns for lyrics, video clips, and sound bites if applicable. once you find a system that works, it actually goes pretty quickly.

as for sourcing clips themselves/finding clips within episodes, i talked about that here and kind of here. the short version is that transcripts are a must, and the supernatural wiki is hugely helpful by cataloguing all the hugs, prayers, phone calls, etc. in the show. gifmakers that tag episode numbers on their posts are your friends. it gets easier the more video you make—that’s another huge reason i make the google docs for each video (even the ones i plan in my head, i end up going back and making a loose script with episode notes just for reference). if i can’t remember where something is but i know i used it in another video, i can easily reference past scripts!

i also cut all my videos in the same project in premiere pro, so i can flip between them easily. instead of checking a past script, i can just go to the video sequence itself and copy the clip i’m looking for! this was especially helpful when i match cut together the 5x18 and 4x22 wall slam shots for my bestie video, and then stole it from myself for honeybee hahaha. at any given time i have at least 8 sequences open:

because of the sheer volume of videos i make, it’s worth it for me to download the entire show—i have all 327 episodes in HD, plus deleted scenes. if you think you’re only going to make a few videos, i’d start with scene packs. you can usually just google “destiel [or whatever ship/character you’re looking for] scene packs” and there will be any number of ones you can download. if you need other specific scenes, you can always download/torrent individual episodes or screen record netflix (that’s what i did before i got HD download links). i’m happy to share my links if you DM, but be warned it’s a lot of disk space (about 500GB on my hard drive). someone also compiled every destiel scene, downloadable here.

having every episode already loaded in premiere for all my projects also makes it a lot easier to source clips. once i use a clip in a video, i’ll put a marker on the episode file, so that after a while i have most of the important scenes/lines marked to easily find them. to give you an idea, this is my episode file in premiere for 12x10 lily sunder has some regrets (markers at destiel scenes, the car fight, hot girl cas, etc.). markers are the green tabs along the bottom:

premiere also lets you color code and name markers, so ONE DAY i will go back and color code them all. the ones above are all the same color, but in a perfect world, i’d have a myraid—for destiel shots like hugs, touches, looks; for important pieces of dialogue; for action shots; etc. but for now this works ok for me, so that’s a project for another time!

between detailed scripts, one giant premiere project, markers, the wiki, and my own memory, i have so many points of reference that i can usually find any clip i need in about 2 minutes max. sound bites are often harder to start out, or tiny specific shots i haven’t used before, and that’s when i turn to tumblr gifsets or beloved mutuals to crowdsource. but if you’re as obsessive about marking/keeping neat scripts as i am, it gets easier and easier with every video you make. that’s part of why i’m able to cut videos together so quickly. (also i want to stress i do this for a living and have to produce/edit a new piece for my show every day so i’m used to it. and compared to constantly updating content/sources and news that changes every day, 327 highly documented episodes that never change are much easier to handle hahaha)

this is all great for me since i make so many videos and plan to continue doing so, but if you’re only making a few, this level of work isn’t worth it imo. really it’s all about developing a system that works for you. whatever you do with episodes/sourcing, though, i cannot recommend planning things out in a script ahead of time enough.

everything i just mentioned is producing, though. for the editing process, i usually do it in this order:

music first. any parts i want to cut, i make sure it all sounds smooth

then soundbites. i usually try to weave them into the lyrics—i have characters talk in breaks between lines or instrumental sections as much as possible. i’ll sometimes go so far as looped/extending an intsrumental part to make room for the soundbite i want there lol. if i do have dialogue over a line, i do the sound mixing/levels at this point as well to make sure everything is audible/one doesn’t overpower the other. (also i always include the video that goes with these bites when i drop them in, and decide later if i want to show the character speaking or have other clips cover the dialogue)

once i have all the audio locked in, then i bring in all my other video clips. sometimes i edit completely chronologically, sometimes jumping from section to section—it depends on the song or how i’m feeling

double check sound mixing. i usually listen to my videos through a few times, with headphones and without to make sure it’ll sound good no matter how people watch it

once i have picture and audio lock, i go through and color correct my clips. i’m basic and just use lumetri color in premiere, and usually just play with brightness, saturation, temperature, and tint until i like it

render and export! :)

i always have several audio tracks, but i try to keep my video tracks condensed. i’ll drop clips on a V2 level, and edit a section there, and drop the whole chunk down to V1 so i know it’s finished. that way when i leave and come back i can know where i left off/what’s done/etc. to give you an idea, this is the timeline for my what the hell video:

i always render as H.264 with high bitrate, and make sure to check “render at maximum depth” and “use maximum render quality” for the best quality. i’m sorry, but i don’t know what the equivalent options are in final cut, imovie, kdenlive, etc. i post on youtube mostly so i don’t have to sacrifice quality, but usually just using a lower bitrate will get you under the tumblr file size limit and it’ll still look good.

as for the anon who asked about “polishing”: first of all, thank you!! second of all, it’s in the details. all of this is a matter of taste and my own insanity, but here are some little things i always try to do:

after i color correct, i blur out any credits from the starts of episodes. i use gaussian blur for this, but really any blur tool works

as much as possible, i avoid clips where we see a character’s mouth move but don’t hear the words. in tv/film we call it “lip flap” and i just think it looks messy. also i’m trained to avoid it at all costs at work hahaha. it’s more for serious videos that this matters a lot to me (e.g. i think i did a really good job eliminating lip flap in my happy ending amv)—for comedy videos i don’t sweat it as much

i put audio fades on the start and end of every single audio clip i use, even if i don’t think i need it, to make sure everything sounds smooth

i use markers for timing, especially in action-y videos like what the hell. i’ll put a marker on the clip i’m using at the exact moment a punch lands, and in the song on the beat. if i have the magnet/snap in timeline tool on i can just easily snap them together instead of having to spend time finagling it

this is such a small thing but i dip/cut to black for a tiny bit at the start and end of every video. this way if i post with tumblr video player, there’s black between the loops, and it gives you a beat before the video restarts. i do this even on videos i post on youtube, just because i think it looks nicer/more professional

this is 1,500 words so i’m going to stop myself before i pull something. if you have follow-up questions feel free to ask and i’ll continue to add them to the vid help tag, but any more questions about sourcing clips or my process in general i’ll just link this post going forward. anyone who made it this far, i am sending to a telepathic kiss. thank you for reading and happy editing!

#i typed this all up at 4am so i'm just scheduling it to post sometime today #ask #vid help

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notnctu · 4 years

Text

content creator year in review

okay.. i know its not 2020 anymore and im doing this super late BUT i was tagged by @neonun-au / @tyonfs/ @sehunniepotwrites (three people i love sm! ty for tagging me as ur fav content creator i cry) that i couldnt help but wish to do this hehehe its only 4 days in 2021 ok a y

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: my first creation was pink - jaehyun for my 127 color series after not writing for almost 2 years! and i thought my moodboards were so darn cute HAHAHA my most recent creation of 2020 is when the snow falls - jaehyun for the taste of winter collab and my most recent creation in general is push & pull - doyoung

one of your favorite creations from 2020: i actually dont look back on my works very often but one of my favs is nct by the hour i will never stop bitching abt it lol

a creation you’re really proud of: yall never hear the end of this one too and i will not stop promoting it until i write something better than this: just a star - jaemin . this 14.8k is the longest fic ive ever written in the span of 5 days and its a true testament of my storytelling and narration. its a big angsty fic, but i reread this one recently and i was mindblown by my own choice of words haha

a new style you tried this year and a gifset/fic that uses it : it pains me to write pwp.... no lie, i love reading pwp but writing it forces me to forfeit any narration of emotions but... also.. my favs are hotties and they deserved a hot series: housemating series

a creation that took you forever: ahhh haha backseat chronicles - jaemin took me TWO months to write bc i wrote the first scene and just never wanted to continue it until i sat myself down and was like... i must finish this

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: my first nct smut ... ever and smut after 2 year writing hiatus ... through the lens - jeno ! thank you for 2.2k notes!! i still cant believe how it managed to blow up :’)

a creation you think deserved more notes: *ahem* nct by the hour *ahem* and *ahem* 127 as cliche quotes *ahem* THESE R FLUFF HEADCANONS LIKE WHASLDJKFG

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: this whole blog lol

a creation you made that breaks your heart: ofc ... just a star - jaemin which i actually sobbed while writing for and when the snow falls - jaehyun i write nothing but sfw angst fics sigh

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: i have 2 timestamps that have my heart hehe this one was my first ever timestamp 2:37 AM - doyoung ft. bestie johnjae and 6:04 AM - taeyong

a creation that was inspired by another one: nct by the hour was inspired by nct as types of boys by @okmica ! a super sweet and quick read, everything about it makes my heart so warm

a favorite creation created by someone else: ive already done a 2020 hall of fame in my wrap up post but two amazing fics that i will never shut up or stop promoting ... like ever:

lights, camera, f*ck you - haechan by @neocitybynight

pride - haechan by @misfitneo

both are long sfw fics (sunny’s is optional smut) so enjoy babies!!

some of your favorite content creators from the year: i love you all sm and hope you never stop fueling the talent you have !! im tagging ppl who just pop into my head, writers & gif makers that i constantly reblog from (im so sorry), but regardless, i love everyone who contributes to the nctblr community!!!

@slightlymore @sunhyuck @mjlkau @prettyjaems @doiedreams @neovisioned @hyucksie @du0tine @dearyongs @sehunniepotwrites @nctsworld @dearlyminhyung @kdongyoung @dongsichengs @neocitybynight

im tagging everyone above (if u want to do it hehe & if youve done it, u can just ignore it) and just anyone who wants to do it.... even if 2020 is over ... its never too late to appreciate your own works and dedication :)

#joyce.talks #tagged #i mentioned the same 5 fics bye #hi friends !!

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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years

Text

BTS Reaction || Pasta Crack Prank [Request]

A/N: I hope this is okay, I did this prank to my little brother and I have never seen him move so quick away from me before lmaoooo

Seokjin:

The boys were getting annoyed by the pranks that Jin had been giving them all week and decided it was time to take matters into their own hands and by their hands they meant yours. They knew that Jin would never suspect you of trying to prank him and that's exactly what they needed.

"All you have to do is bite down on the pasta when he moves your neck," Jimin said to you as he handed you two pieces of dry curled pasta and sat on the sofa. You nodded and began your acting, the classes you'd taken in school finally paying off. You groaned out as Jin walked through the living room and he looked at you,

"What's wrong Jagi?" You moaned as you rubbed the back of your neck, complaining that your neck had been giving you trouble all day and you didn't know what was wrong with it.

"Here, let me try and crack it for you." You hummed and he came up behind you, you looked ahead at the boys and they all smirked to each other. Jin slipped his hand to each side of your head and twisted it one way, as soon as he did you bit down harshly on the pasta and cried out,

"Fuck Jin, she said crack now snap," Jungkook said getting up from the sofa and looking at you, you were hiding your face in your hands as you laughed but it sounded more like a cry.

"Baby, are you okay?! I didn't think it would hurt that much?! Jungkook call an ambulance." He was panicking and you were starting to lose the ability to breath as the others started to join in laughing with you. Jin dropped his hands that were holding onto your waist protectively and he stared at you with a straight face,

"Jin baby it's just a joke." You giggled as he shook his head at you and noticing that Tae was in the corner of the room recording you both,

"Your face was priceless." He chuckled reviewing the video in front of you and Jin, Jin wasn't laughing and he wasn't laughing after it was uploaded to the group's twitter account and everyone was making gifsets of him only causing you and everyone else to find it funnier but in Jin's head he was planning the next prank, planning to include you unlike all the other times he kept you out of it.

Yoongi:

Yoongi was sitting in his studio and you were bored so you started scrolling through your Twitter timeline to see what everyone was up to when you saw Army tagging you in videos they wanted you to do on Yoongi and you smirked as you watched them. All of them the same thing, biting down on pasta as someone cracked your back or neck and you knew you had to do this to Yoongi.

"I'm going home my back hurts baby." You told him as you got up from the sofa, kissing him on the head and leaving the studio. You knew if you were going to do this you were going to do it properly. You stopped at the shops on the way back to your shared apartment, grabbing some pasta sheets and making sure your phone was fully charged for when it was time to record his reaction.

(X)

He came home from the studio not long after you and saw you laying on the floor, chest flat against it as you looked up at him.

"My back really hurts Yoongi." You whined as you looked up at him from the floor, your phone leaning against the coffee table leg where he couldn't see it.

"Will you walk along my back to crack it?" He stared down at you and nodded, coming over to you and trying not to put all his weight onto you, not wanting to damage your back or anything but as soon as he placed one foot down and heard the pasta snap he jumped away from you dropping onto the floor next to you, to check that you were okay but you were too busy laughing at him to answer his questions.

"Yoongi I'm fine." You giggled as he rolled you over onto your back, he glared at you and you pouted your bottom lip out at him.

"Don't be mad it was just a joke." You giggled but he bent down and kissed you on the lips.

"Watch your back." He whispered to you as he got up from the floor and went to have a shower, and you knew that you'd started a prank war that no one was going to be able to finish.

Hoseok:

Jimin followed you down to the dance studio, both of you laughing to each other about the video you'd just watched and wanted to try on Hobi. You and Jimin had stopped by the kitchen to get some dry pasta for you and then headed straight to the dance studio, knocking on the door and looking at Hoseok. Jimin had the phone ready and you walked over to Hoseok.

"My back has been hurting me all day, would you mind cracking it for me?" You questioned with the biggest puppy dog eyes you could imagine and he nodded. He paused his music and came to your side, asking if you were ready, you nodded and he went behind you, taking your arms over your chest and pulling you off the ground, you crunched down on the pasta and he dropped you onto the floor, making you bang your ankle, knee and head against the hardwood floor, you began laughing and Jimin yelled out as you hit the floor. You started laughing harder as you looked up at their faces, Hoseok concerned because of the crack and Jimin concerned because of the way you hit the floor but you were too busy laughing to stop them from worrying.

"You should have seen your faces!" You yelled looking at them both once you caught your breath, you sat up and Jimin rushed off to get an ice pack for your ankle, even though you insisted it was fine.

"I didn't mean to drop you, I just got worried," Hoseok said between his chuckles and you smiled leaning your head on his shoulder, Jimin coming over with ice and laying it on your ankle.

"Are you uploading the video?" You asked Jimin as he played it for you and Hoseok to watch, Hobi groaning as he watched you fall onto the floor, the camera falling before going black because Jimin was too concerned to keep filming.

"It was funny, they'll love it." You tried to tell Hoseok but he shook his head, deciding it was better for just the group to see it and Jimin agreed, sending it to the main group chat and waiting for everyone to see it.

Namjoon:

You smirked at your phone as you set up the Instagram live in the corner on the kitchen side, Army's flooding in to see what you were doing. You'd been wanting to prank Namjoon for a while but nothing seemed like it would work until now, you were scrolling through TikTok and found the video you wanted to try on him.

"Joonie?" You called out while he was in the living room,

"Yeah?" You took the pasta from the kitchen side and put it to the back of your mouth

"Can you come crack my back for me please..." He got up from the sofa, leaving the book he'd been reading on the coffee table and coming into the kitchen. You smiled up at him and held your hands over your chest, he stood behind you and picked you up to "crack" your back when you crunched down on the pasta and he slowly put you down on the floor.

"Fucking hell. I think I just broke your back!" He yelled as you started giggling at him, almost falling over because you couldn't stop yourself from laughing at his reaction. He'd gone really pale as if he'd seen a ghost and he looked like he was about to vomit,

"Joonie I'm sorry but your face!" You yelled spitting out the broken pasta into the bin and trying to calm your laughing down, he didn't look like he was going to be laughing anytime soon.

"I thought I broke you." He said looking at you seriously and you knew that look all too well,

"Guys I think I pissed him off." You tried to tell him you weren't alone in the room but when Namjoon was like this, he didn't care. You span around and ended the live feed as he grabbed your waist and pulled you back against him.

"Someone being bratty?" He whispered darkly in your ear, moving hair from your neck and kissing the exposed skin, you whimpered as you felt his breath along your skin.

"No, it was just a joke Joonie." You tried to explain but there was no use, he pushed you down against the kitchen table,

"You know that's not my name princess." He chuckled as he undid his belt and you bit down on your lip, trying to hide the giant smirk that was across your face. You weren't expecting this reaction from him but you didn't mind that it was happening.

Jimin:

After every concert, Jimin would come to you in the changing rooms and get you to crack his back because you could do it better than the boys but tonight you wanted to get him to crack yours before you did his. Mostly because you'd been watching viral videos of couples cracking one another's bone while the other bit down on a piece of pasta to get the reaction from their partners. You'd told Jungkook your plan before he went on stage and he agreed to record it for you, and now you were waiting in the changing room while they all came from the stage.

"Jimine!! You did great!" You giggled as he engulfed you in a hug, he chuckled and kissed your cheek.

"I know I always crack your back but baby would you mind doing mine, it's been hurting all day." He nodded and asked you to turn around, you were facing Jungkook and he was smirking at you from across the room as he got the camera ready, you slipped the piece of pasta into your mouth and waited for Jimin to pick you up.

As soon as you bit down on the pasta he sat you down as he yelled out, gaining the attention of everyone in the changing room all of them turning to look at you and Jungkook who were laughing uncontrollably as Jimin stared at you in confusion, Jungkook stopped the phone and looked at you as you continued laughing.

"Jesus christ you should see the look on his face," Jungkook said as he slid you your phone and went over to the showers to get ready to go home but Jimin was staring at you and shaking his head.

"Evil." You giggled and walked over to him, ready to crack his back this time but he walked away from you going to find a crew member to do it for him instead, leaving you to sit laughing with Jin at the video.

Taehyung:

You walked down the staircase groaning out as you reached the bottom and looked at Taehyung who looked away from the computer screen, he'd been gaming all morning and you decided you were going to do the pasta prank you'd seen on the internet to him.

"What's wrong?" He asked getting up from the desk and joining your side, you pointed to your back and walked to the kitchen,

"It just hurts a little." He stayed in the living room as you were in the kitchen, you ran the tap as if you were getting a drink but reached for the pasta in the top cupboard, coming back out and asking him to crack your back for you.

"Maybe we should get a doctor instead, I don't want to hurt you." You shook your head and pleaded for him to do it instead, he stood behind you and you nodded at him to keep going. He lifted you from the ground and you bit down onto the pasta, crying out in pain as soon as he was done and he put you on the floor, going over to his computer and going back to what he was doing.

"Tae it really hurts." You whimpered but he looked at you and then handed you the small bin from under his desk,

"You knew?" He nodded and you glared at him spitting the pasta into the bin and sitting down on his lap.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Wanted to see how far you'd take it, you're so bad at acting." He told you as you pouted, laying your forehead on his shoulder and looking at what he was playing.

Jungkook:

Jungkook found it strange that you walked into the BigHit gym with a smile on your face but loved that you'd come to spend some more time with him and he chuckled as you watched him working out. But in your mind you'd come for other reasons, you had a piece of pasta sitting in your mouth and you wanted to prank him. Jimin walked through the door and looked at Jungkook, joining him in the workout but he'd really come to help you with the prank.

"You should try lifting something." Jimin teased as you stood near the weights, Jungkook joined in and told you that you should try it out.

"Fine, but don't be surprised if I can lift more than you." You teased at them both, Jimin got his phone out ready and Jungkook came over to watch you, you started with small weights and then moved up to a heavier one. As you bent down to pick it up you smirked at Jimin, standing up and crunching down on the pasta, Jungkook turned pale and he took the weight from you and sat you down on the floor to check you were okay,

"Shit, Jimin I think there's someone in the office if we need help." He said in a panic but Jimin was laughing on the floor while you were trying to hide your giggle, Jungkook stared at you both before you spat the pasta into a nearby bin and giggled.

"I love you." You tried to tell him but he got up from the floor, promising you both that he would get you back and you would never suspect it but you and Jimin were too busy laughing to even pay attention to his threats.

Tagline:

@yourguessisasgoodasminemate @yoongisdumplingcheeks @snowy-meowl @kpopfanfictionhoes @lynnthevirgo @mitzwinchester @lyoongx @rjsmochii @ficdump101 @babymochichimmy

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zaritarazi · 4 years

Note

002 with mixen <3

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when i started shipping it: okay so i went deep into my archives and i found my first mixen gifset, here, from october 26, 2016. it is then followed by this gifset from october 28, 2016, a complete stroke of genius i’d forgotten about. and HERE is the first post i made about them while watching legends, also from october 28th, 2016. i’m assuming that the clip of her trying to kill him was released as a preview which is why the gifset predates the text post. so then in november 2016 is good it’s not really ramped up yet and then we get the chicago way and that, in a lot of ways, changed my life? for the better? unclear. am i being sarcastic? also unclear. there’s just so much about it that did me in. first the “i’m clyde that’s bonnie” because s3 of dusk had JUST ended and that was a RAW fucking nerve. just the exact shit i was looking for. the scene where mick puts his finger to his lips while looking at amaya’s mouth and you just know he’s internally like i am... going to hell. i am GOING to hell. amaya kissing him on the CHEEK? [mick’s certainty of going to hell intensifies] and the real piece de resistance was len descending from the ceiling shrieking in gay rage like. that’s what really solidified mick’s relationship with amaya to me: he was willing to defend her to literally, literally his husband. he says amaya is his ONLY friend because leonard is GONE, implying that amaya is len’s EQUAL in mick’s eyes. mick is a complex character and he’s actually very sensitive but when we had him in season 1, he came as a packaged set with len. and he grew and formed new relationships and listen we all know i can and will ship mick with anyone dominic purcell this is a threat but amaya is, in canon, not just implied by dominic’s choices for the character, the time where mick is declaring his affection for someone out loud. and i also want to reflect on like. leonard, be he real or be he a figment of mick’s mind, despite being WILDLY jealous of amaya, had one goal in that episode: to keep mick alive. like mick was so reckless in season two and with amaya he seems to finally almost want to... pull back? he tells leonard “i’ll be dead like you” which says he isn’t objecting to the idea of being dead, but that amaya is giving him something that makes life exciting, and he’d rather have that than fall into his old self-preservation instincts. you can MARK that mick starts trying to die less after the chicago way until len comes back in the world war i episode. like i guess i started shipping mixen when they became the epitome of “god said love your enemy so i obeyed her and i loved myself” are you HAPPY? is this what you WANTED?

my thoughts: you accidentally had a baby with him. i am the reason he is able to feel love. we are not the same

what makes me happy about them: as much as i’ve focused on amaya’s positive impact on mick i want to emphasize that this is a two way street because mick is someone who taught amaya to embrace herself and what makes her happy. amaya has so much pressure riding on her shoulders and mick is never deterred by it. amaya has always been brilliant beautiful incredible etc but when we first meet her in s2 she is so tightly wound and she is so in the mold of what she thinks she needs to be and what she thinks the legacy of the anansi totem requires of her and when she’s around mick she realizes she can be... amaya. just amaya. like did she say to mick “what would a criminal do” because she was being horny on main? yes. but she also did it because she was genuinely open to learning how he saw the world. like it’s truly incredible that amaya meets mick and in the span of 30 minutes is like actually, mick is the most interesting and enticing person i have ever met and [mick’s certainty of going to hell intensifies] but actually there are just little things they do even when they don’t like each other that show a certain level of respect- mick tells amaya he’s not an idiot and amaya tells him not to call her “girlie” so amaya actually spends the rest of their relationship uplifting mick’s ideas and his accomplishments and mick POINTEDLY never gives amaya a nickname. the nickname one is especially funny bc i geniunely think she just didn’t like “girlie” and may have been fine with a different nickname but like. the fact that mick remembers to NOT give her a nickname EVER when everyone else gets one? the way he paid attention to amaya and respected what she was saying? the way they could be open with each other? like okay they weren’t canon-canon but a part of me is glad bc. this ship was originally marc’s idea and what is legends s2 if not phil and marc fighting for control of the story like the one ring? if marc had been allowed to make them romantic i fear he would’ve done his normal bullshit that he does with his couples where basically mick never changes in a positive way and keeps chipping away at parts of amaya until she feels like she is at “his level” and then he essentially takes over the rest of the parts of her life he hadn’t already taken control of and just, disgusting. like let me be clear on mick rory’s worst day he is still a better person than oliver queen on his best day i don’t care if he’s roasting people alive he is STILL a better person. but with that relationship choice being taken out of marc’s hands, we instead get a relationship where amaya offers mick the starting blocks to build himself UP, and he takes them and is able to keep building himself even without fully relying on her. when he tells her in season 3 “we’ve all done things we’re not proud of” and she just brightens so immediately, and the same thing happens in the pirate episode - and he is able to do these things for her because he let her help him, but did not make her his only lifeline. the person mick is in s3 onward is a person he feels better about being because amaya has always seen good in him and like. not to be dramatic but i am literally, literally crumbling into ash as we speak

what makes me sad about them: FROM SEASON 4 ONWARD SHE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE AND MICK IS JUST LEFT WITH ALL THE FUCKING EMOTIONS SHE MADE HIM FEEL AND THE WAYS SHE HELPED HIM AND ALL HE CAN DO IS TRY TO KEEP HER ALIVE, IN HIS MIND AT LEAST, BY HELPING PEOPLE (CHARLIE AND MONA) THE WAY AMAYA HELPED HIM.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: i have no issue with mixen being in fic with OTHER ships but to my fucking detriment it always seems to be a secondary pairing in captain canary fics and like 1. hate crime 2. mick is a bisexual he can have a husband and a wife he can have them at the same time he can have them at separate times but if you’re writing capcan i’m assuming you have a heterosexual agenda and i want that kept away from ships i like at ALL times

things I look for in fanfic: a genuine understanding of mick’s character. he can be kind of tricky to strike a balance with but you can just tell when he’s being written too aggressively or when he’s being written just as too much of a bastard or a former criminal and like, i also look for amaya not being helpless and emotional bc quite frankly mick is way more expressive emotionally than amaya and it is so vital that this is understood. also if it’s sad i like to read it and then cry myself to sleep

who i’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: OKAY FINE nate for either. nate for both! final ot3 of nate/amaya/mick is good, pure, canon supported, and legally required. but also amaya with zari 1.0 and mick with ray or, honestly? zari 2.0. DON’T @ ME

My happily ever after for them: they just get to like. live life together. mick takes in ese as one of his own and amaya does the same for lita and they have a 3rd child together that’s in the bible look it up but like. not giving up the time traveling life and the heroics and the adventures fully but being a family even when their kids grow up and they can be old together even if it’s them popping on and off the waverider sometimes together sometimes they do their own thing always put the kids first and sure mick has 22 wonderful years on amaya but he’s on a timeship he can wait for her to catch up so they can get old-old together. also nate is there romantically, sexually, raising the children, let’s have mick and nate make a fourth child, this is absolutely non-negotiable

who is the big spoon/little spoon: amaya is AGGRESSIVELY the little spoon. like flinging herself into mick’s arms and like HOLD ME and mick just reflexively wrapping his arms around her bc she small. sof. smells nice. pretty

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: amaya like why be having not-sex when you could be having sex? and mick like i don’t know. sleeping? photography? long drives? (it’s long drives & going to museums don’t @ me)

#mixen #legends of tomorrow #lot headcanon #steelvixenwave #long post #i went off the rails I'M SORRY I FEEL DEEPLY #like i love zari 1.0 but i feel like the questions on hers didn't lend themselves to deeper answers like these did? and sometimes i just ge #don't sue me #dykerory #asks

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lilaviolet · 4 years

Text

I was tagged by the lovely

@madoddthings

1. Name: Leslie

2. Gender: A Woman

3. Star sign: Aquarius sun and moon!

4. Height: Five one and a half

5. Time: right now? 1:37

6. Birthday: February 12th sometime in the 80s

7. Favorite band: Pearl Jam I can go years without listening to them but nothing hits me like they do. Seeing them live is the best feeling in the world.

8. Favorite Artist: I dunno I guess Marina?

9. Song stuck in my head currently: Misery Business there was a post and it just came on spotify

10. Last movie you watched: No idea! I used to be a movie bitch but now I’m a TV bitch who has no attention span to actually watch TV Maybe Booksmart?

11. Last Series: BRIDGERTON

12: Blog age: I lurked for a few years just looking at the pretty gifs but in July 2013 something compelled me to actually create an account so I could leave little hearts. Four months later I re-blogged my first Sleep Hollow/Ichabbie gifset and the rest is me being fandom trash history. so 7 and a half years old

13. Content: I have no idea. This is just me being my most authentic self. Mostly re-blogs of thinks I like, love or am obsessed with. Plus a bit of politics and news. If you can’t stand my faves I don’t know how you could survive following me.

14: Last google: My hairdresser’s phone number

15. Side blogs: Yep! I finally gave in to my greatest desire and started a blog for all the Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens / El Generico/Kevin Steen content @thesamiandkevinshow I know it seems impossible but I was really restraining myself on here even though you guys probably couldn’t tell. My mutual was giving away the username and I just had to have it :)

16. Do you get asks: not really if I re-blog a list of questions a mutual will usually send one :)

17. URL Meaning: It was my livejournal username Lila (a name I liked better than mine at the time also the name of a character on General Hospital and Violet is a great song from my second favorite band Hole

18. Following: 228 I’m really picky if I follow you I think you’re a chill person I’d be friends with and/or your content is too good to miss.

19. Followers: 520 which is completely insane! I don’t know which of my many varied interests made you click that follow button but I hope my nonsense isn’t too annoying :) I’m ruthless about blocking bots I don’t know why. I worry I’ve blocked real people by accident tbh.

20. Average sleep hours: Sleep? I don’t know her! 4 hours is my usual but then I gotta take a long ass nap. I live on coffee.

21: Lucky number: I don’t really have any... maybe 7,8 and 21

22: Instruments: I have no talent I begged my parents for a bass guitar when I was 10 because it seemed like every band I was listening to had an awesome female bass player and I wanted to be one too! I have a medical condition with my hands that really should have stopped me or at least my parents from spending all that money :(

23. Clothes: Comfy and cozy. If I can get away with pajamas while lounging at home I do. I have a weird obsession with gray my friends have to physically stop me when we’re out shopping because I’m just drawn to it. There’s so many shades! It goes with everything. I don’t love black or white so gray is my neutral. I like solids and stripes. I own too may fandom shirts but I bagged my old wrestling tees and put them away, I only have like 7 currently in my rotation not counting my over sized Sami shirts I sleep in.

24. Dream job: Wrestling valet. I wanted to be (and kind of still do) Miss Elizabeth but with a big dash of Sensational Sherri. Like Miss Elizabeth just stood around but Sherri got physical with the guys and took bumps when the story called for it and I liked that. I wouldn’t want to be a full time wrestler because I’m not about pain, but bitch let me manage somebody male or female. Now it’s such an unpopular opinion everyone wants every girl to wrestle and I’m like bring back managers, valets, wives and girlfriends. Not very woman is so dedicated that she’s willing to break her neck or get that banged up. I can’t be the only one with this opinion lol.

25. Dream Trip: That’ll actually happen San Miguel’s Portugal. Dream that’ll never happen South Korea, Taiwan and Japan no one would go with me, but I‘ve dreamed of it since 2007.

26. Favorite Food: Junk food. Anything cooked in garlic. If I go out to eat Shrimp Mozambique I’ll settle for chicken Mozambique but it’s not the same. So spicy and flavorful great now I want to go eat some I don’t think anyone delivers it :(

27. Nationality?: I consider myself 100% American I was born here, as fucked up as this country is it’s my home. But if the Fascists take over I‘m praying Portugal will take pity on me. I’m eligible for citizenship I should have applied during The Bush Administration like my little cousin did but I was an optimist... I’m a dumb bitch.

28. Favorite Song: This Week? Don’t Go Away by Oasis

29. Last book: That I read ? I was going to be like it’s all fan fic for this bitch but I read the latest Amanda Quick novel and am patiently waiting for the next one!

I’d love everyone who sees this to do it. I’m shy with tagging people but for real if you follow me and want to do this tag me I’d love to see your answers!

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meandmyechoes · 4 years

Text

A collection of diaries.

[Jun 12th, 2020 9:09:49pm]

idk, really feeling like getting away from the Earth for awhile.

The Artemis Fowl movie is coming out. actually, has come out by now. and I’m having a good time rereading the books but I’m still too early in the series to decide whether I should scrap the rest and jump straight to the movie. I probably shouldn’t - in the sense that I should brush up the first book (since I just finished 2 this afternoon and sped past half of 3 just now), watch the movie, then have the rest of the series to fall back on. I remember the excellent plots in 456 and would love for a bit more time to savour them. 7 and 8 is important for Artemis’s character so eventually I should arrive there as part of a thorough re-read, just not sure how all that’s gonna fit into my simultaneous tumblr schedule.

It was never a question that I’m gonna make gifset(s) for the AF movie. Not sure if anyone out there would be focused on afedits but it wouldn’t be surprising if one or two random passer-by post a gifset or two to commemorate the event. Again with edits, time is of the essence, especially when I intend to promote the movie via trailer sets. But I do fear I end up having more prompts than expected like with TCW which now span 8 pages. I mean, even 10 AF gifsets would’ve been quite the workload. and when I do have that much inspiration, I would’ve to delegate to littleafthings, or afparty for a wider audience for stuff like single character/scene sets as not to clog up the main Clone Wars programming. and I do slightly want to get in touch with the old AF fandom (who happens to cross paths again in TCW! what a chance!) to see like how much people are still around. :/

ah with Clone Wars.

well, I have THREE stock gifsets ready in the drafts so it’s not like I’m pressured to publish anything. But I do want to keep making new gifsets (esp. for Echo and Fives) so I can publish these stock ones! especially meta fuel like my padawan! I don’t really have a solid take on it, because it’s not like a big naming thing. and I’ll be reviewing name dynamic anyway along with translation series. which led me to want to finish the movie for name dynamic first. i only have 2.5 now and i planned on 5? for the movie. there probably won’t be that much notes in regard to the movie but idk, i NEED to finish that business.

another thing i’ll be interested in working on is the biology metas, since the old lekku post flared up again. right now there’s actually 3 going on. i’ll be polishing stress/stripes first, because the main argument checks out, i just need some more backup knowledge of hormone system and adolescence growth of humans and see i could streamline and merge human and togurtan system. I also need some visual aids to help popularize it i guess, :/ but i wasn’t intending it to be a full-blown rebelsoka model analysis/comparison because that was more or less a given, i don’t even have an artist’s eye for it :/ and i kinda only did the first lekku post because the visual aid was already available for me to steal :/ I mean, I could do it :/ but it’s also more work :/

before the lekku post re-flare, I was gearing up to make the Kiros ecology post because I became interested in categorizing montral arch shapes (for women at least) that was just a beginning idea and i meant to take my time to do that. but with the flare it feels like i should publish something quick in response first so i guess i’ll dust off that draft again.

I discussed sth about Force inheritance with little bro last night, it wasn’t an exactly enlightening conversation but we did think alike so often so much, he just understands the way I think, and we raised some more interesting questions. mostly regarding if a person’s midichlorian count stays constant through out their life - does it go down with severed limbs? or go up with embryos? which led to when exactly do midicholrians enter a person’s ‘life’? Thus, what happen to midichlorians after its host’s death? Would most rejoin the Cosmic Force? and the Force ghost appearance mechanism? what happen to their midicholrians? Since MC are defined as a ‘conduit’ of the Force, is it the necessary medium for a consciousness ‘one with the Force’ to manifest in the physical plane? If so, are those their midichlorians or midichlorians from the surroundings (because the Force is ‘an energy field created by all living things’?

you can see I have some predisposition about my own questions but a lot of them remain unanswered.

What category of symbiosis does “midicholorian-life” falls into?

Midichlorians live inside the body so endosymbiosis.

Both species benefits so mutualism.

But is it obligatory (both dies) or facultative (one survives)?

This definition is essential to answer the interchange of midichlorians in the Cosmic Force and the physical plane (i.e. its human host and the Living Force). From there, one could tackle on the equillibrium - balance of the Force in an energy/numerical sense.

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[Jun 22nd, 2020 4:41:07pm]

another tumblr draft therapy session. this is going to be ALL over the place.

I just want to - sing? I’m sleepy and don’t want to do anything. but I have like, duties. and things/wip left from last week and over the weekend to attend to.

A main reason of things piling up is not (just) because of me procrastinating, but I’ve also been reacting a lot. that’s actually causing me to lose focus in my own compass. not to say regarding the blog that grand, but (selfishly) on a personal level like I want to get (those) things done.

It’s a bit of pressure from both the follower pressure* that i feel a little“monitored” in my actions, and a personal drive to fulfillment. I’ll come on and dash, mostly just out of habit and it’s not like everything is mind-blowing every day. But I got inspired by the fandom’s creativity a lot, even though that’s winding down. Besides the couple of stories I want to work on seeing other people’s art (that I have a small part in requesting), I’ve been getting tagged in’s and messages. it’s just me to react to people liking my stuff. I’m still surprised and thankful for every reaction i get, even though the tumblr population and thus the culture - gifset format and their habits in like/reblog ratios has changed drastically since 2016.

I always feel like I open my tumblr drafts - and then don’t want to do anything. Right now it’s probably more related to my physical fatigue, after a week of going out every day under the 30°+ glaring sun. I’ve been setting daily goals and never getting around to finish them - then dragging on to only sleep at 4am. Not healthy. This pattern has even lasted a whole week already! (if not a month!)

and it’s just - a weighing ton of workload - that while I’m happy to work on/through - in the same time became a bit intimidating. I know that I’ll feel more satisfied when I’m finished with them, and I honestly find joy in doing work like this - creating for my favourite story & fandom. but everything from every aspect piling on me at once left me a little bit sour. (*╯︿╰)

and I really feel like screaming from the bottom of that pit.

you see i’ve been keeping a queue since the amazing stuff from a month ago was so blooming while my post frequency and number has went down. it feels like a lot has left (temporarily) again now the hype is over. and i surely don’t and can’t blame them for not living on the internet 24-7. but i sure do feel a bit maladjusted in the finale aftermath. like i’m locked in this hell hole and everybody else has moved on for recovery shows and new hobbies. I can’t even find interest in a prolonged activity. I do have a lot of backup interests/hobbies to fall back on, but I seem to have no attention span to stay anywhere but tumblr. :(

I’m always so uptight into checking the activity page it’s almost pathological. I’m always refreshing it looking for sth to react, while my sanity demands otherwise. It’s only if nobody on tumblr is looking for me at my posts that I feel safe enough to retreat to a soundproof cave or I’m ignoring people. and it’s conflicted because I do like interacting with other people who are as passionate as I am about my favourite people. however the truth is I’m not good at making/keeping friendships* so it could be a strain on my lazy ass :(

Reasonably, I know I should set a particular time to check activity only, or just close the site/log off for the while. I should work harder at keeping limits like that just to coach myself into shape.

Also I should mention this weird adjust to U.S. time that left my work day to start circa 22:35...

#sometimes i forget coffee fix everything #i just need to aggressively karaoke

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[Jun 24th, 2020 3:52:51pm]

everyone is so fuckin’ talented on this site...

i’ve always wanted a sewing machine, even clothes-making is a very very low-ranked hobby of mine, and i’m no way skilled at that...

and i’m finally buying it for my 23rd birthday, in trade for new book space in the house....

everyone artist in the tcw fandom is so goddamn talented....

everyone who draws tcw characters in alternative fashion... i blame you all for my latest shopping spree on a new sewing machine and sixty brands of fabric...

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[Jun 25th, 2020 12:21:13am]

haha let's try to write something. It's 23:05, Wendnesday, Jun 24th. Ah, last year today I was already in Osaka, sound asleep onboard the bus to Tokyo. Right now, I binged three episodes of Clone Wars after a good glass of Choc-Milk Tea and two of Mom's sweet soup.

My eyes are wide awake and in my chest it's like butterflies fluttering. I'm so excited by things and so deflated at the same time. I fucked up my own sleep schedule now I'm perm stuck at a 4am/4pm/4 hours rotation and it sucks. Because I can never seem to gather enough energy in the day time to work on anything important. I'd have ideas in my brain but no outlet. and when I'm more adjusted to waking up after cooking and eating a meal, my body goes into digestive fatigue and demands a nap again. so in the end I get no fucking thing done while the clock hits eleven.

I guess I'm suppose to write, at the wee of night. But it also doesn't feel that right, as an excuse. If I must say, I do prefer working/writing in the afternoon, for I feel more energized to do it then. Now it's the night and my whole indoctrination tells me I should sleep. Maybe I should do it now so I can wake up some time early tomorrow, yeah let's do that.

Another thing I want to rant at least once (more) is how much I fucking miss Japan. like I really miss the sunny days and windy nights and the foreign land. Forcing myself to speak another language and being miles and miles away from chores and people. Getting Financial freedom. Arguably I've been buying and cooking the past few days too, generally putting two meals in my body every day, and that fulfills me to a degree, but I do want a more purposeful task. To say the least, I guess I'm ready to look for a job now, just that my uni/degree is very very messy and while i'm reluctant, i'm sure i can work that out avoid the problem in a few moves.

Haha, I also need to apply for that government grant so I can pay for bills and a good time next month. There's $10,000 and I think it's gonna evaporate by the end of the year, realistically. I suppose my mom will need some of it, when she asks. I'll be spending $1000 on dining, that's for sure. While I do want a good machine, $1000+ for a seldom hobby and a high-risk-to-be-thrown-around-during-mum's-tantrum item is still too much. Hopefully, I can score a second-hand at around $500. I also objectively needs a new phone. I've been using this second-hand one for two and a half years now, while the model is a product of 2015. It can't charge or read memory cards proper anymore. While I do prefer older models like this for its durability upon fall and removal of battery, I do need a new phone so I don't have to listen to the same six songs over and over again. But I hate picking out new phones - generally comparing products and prices at all for the tedious work, and honestly I had solutions around that, so I'm not all that out for buying a new one. idk, maybe I'll hold out for another six months longer before I absolutely have to get a new one.

I've been doing more art lately (by art she means sketching and lately she means the past three days). I just want to. I'm really glad scuttlebuttin find me interesting enough to chat with, and I'm overwhelmed by all these amazing artists on the website. Which makes me want to draw things too, but I have no skills :( I have years of practice ahead of me just to draw a profile. I thought I could design some clothing, but alas, that's not something you force upon. It's definitely there, down the line, but right now the inspiration is not responding.

And what I should really do, is write. Articles, metas, fics otherwise. I have this long list of debt in my wip drafts that I owe these projects themselves to get onto. and it would honestly be something I'd love to get on. I remember one or two months ago when I'd be fiercely typing on the keyboard and it felt good. So I want to be writing that stuff. Instead/On the contrary, I'm writing about myself, which in itself it's not a bad thing, it's still meaningful - but I could use that time to write something that's also meaningful to somebody else.

Overall, I just want to bring more positivity into the fandom, create more buzz and discussion around it. I'm incredulous that artists do draw my "request" because I (don't want to) feel like cheating them by asking for their effort without repaying them in some way. Which is why I do try to create a story/scenario to go with the thing, in a very minute way of giving thanks. (but I sucks at speed)

and I HAVE TO, have to talk about the influx of followers. Looking back now, I remember I had bare 400 followers when i first came back in March (398 to be exact), and most of that are dead/porn blogs. Now I have an active following of at least 200 people, 10 or so that interact daily, and fandom talents that I hold to the highest regard as mutuals. Just... what an incredible honour. That, in a way definitely brings a kind of pressure I didn't had, say back in 2013-6 while tumblr is a window into lives across the globe, but my blog was a tiny and safe haven to express all my doubts and frustration, pride and mania. I didn't have to worry about my text posts being seen. The follower count is a large part of why I feel I need to be more responsible for my speech along with my years added. So more often I find myself therapeutically typing into the tumblr draft just to clear my train of thoughts. I understand this is still very much my space and I shouldn't be too paranoid about people fixating on me, a fellow random internet stranger. but... it's not that I want to be... more private, but I kinda also wish I could publish stuff without thinking someone else would go through it. and most rant it's not even like, it'd be upsetting (to the reader) if it was actually seen (because it's mostly just very me-specific self-doubt). You know, my heart skips a beat when I rant something personal and it gets a like - like, I don't even know what you mean! and I don't want to second guess! but the knowledge that someone read this very me-specific thought - and took the effort to leave a heart - gives me even more self-doubt.

More tumblr stuff. Now that every one has moved on (to other shows or back to work), I'm feeling lonely (because the dash and my favourite people are not as active anymore) and cramped (because I'm interacting with new people and my posts got way more popular way easier than during the run, with less competition and algorithm). and the sad, sad truth is I understand the whole working mechanism behind the whole thing. Our age group are adults and have working jobs and it only makes sense if they queue during weekdays or not come online daily - because real-life responsibilities are important that way, but i really, really miss the buzz of May even the migration is a huge sign for me to move on myself as well, one that I want to believe in. It's been difficult to adjust, which is why it took me two whole months to, and I'm only beginning to think of more real-life responsibilities/non-tumblr activities now. So I want to isolate myself from this site a little, find a day job and set up an actual rhythm to my life, then I can return to tumblr/gifing/clone wars as an escapist hobby instead of having it taken over my life completely.

I also feel kind of left out because I'm not in the active clone sub-fandom. They've been denying canon and inventing fanon for years. With or without the Clone Wars resurrgence, they'd've still done the the same. And with the general disinterest in the Jedi Order and the tragedy of clones, nothing has changed in the status quo for them. They simply went back to creating happy AUs and clone OCs which is why they bounce back much faster than Ahsoka (Anakin) stans like us. On the other hand, Kenobi stans, a new discovery for sure since my departure are "destined for infinite sadness", so it's not like the pain of the finale is anything new to them, and with Obi-wan departed three weeks ago, they theoretically had more time to recover. So I guess I'm still lonely in my woe.

If you ask for my personal closure with The Clone Wars, it's half-baked - or coming undone. I still haven't written a definitively eulogy (poem) for them - it, and I haven't published every meta I have on just the final scene. Nor had I mad much progress with the big cinematography analysis I desperately want to do. It just... invoke such a sadness and immobility in the solemness of that scene I hardly know what to do. These are some healthy hobbies/vents that could really benefit from a proper rhythm of the day. I mean - I'm ready to catch a break - a tiny tiny bit of aesthetic fatigue from canon!Ahsoka even - and I still stand by when I said the Bendu knighting her gave me the closure I need. I would've been perfectly content if I didn't know she came back from Malachor as Ahsoka the White. but now I do? I desperately need her to interact with Luke/Leia and REUNITE WITH ANAKIN'S FORCE GHOST. I dare not to think too much if she's immortal. and I really don't want the mess regarding her live-action rumours. I hardly know if anything's true and I don't want to think things that I have a backup plan for when I don't like it. I don't even want to mention Ahsoka. I just... take me back to the start.

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[Jun 26th, 2020 4:23:02pm]

you subscribe to patreon for quality work but if you follow me on tumblr dot com you only get exclusive untagged shitposts

ah the bless of tumblr’s late night + my time zone’s afternoon.

to put tags on a meme kind of defeat the purpose of a meme

not cosplaying ahsoka is a sane decision I’ll never attempt in my life, but i’ll never stop postulate what texture would lekku feel like. 6′aSZ..;p

my biggest complain against live-action ahsoka whatsoever is NO material will make lekku look organic enough. look at my icon.

one thing led another i sketched some tcw(clones)-themed sailor fuku and there’s no explanation rex’s’s model has to have abs.

i’m feeling really fluttering on (in?) the inside. Every day I learn something new from the Star Wars universe and I already feel obsessed enough. There’s so much to learn!

every day tumblr user scuttlebuttin post new artwork at 5am-ish in my time and I wake up to its majesty every day from then on i’m a non-funcitoning human popsicle melting in the 30°C weather the whole day i-

every day i come on tumblr dot com, reblog my friend’s stuff, then crawl back under my own rock

i don’t know why this week the last two days has been like this - i’m tired all the time, sleepy all the time, i have no motivation to initiate anything ever. I have stuff floating in my head, I feel my whole being locked in thought and I’m overwhelmed by... time. the passage of time. laughing at me in the face. (I’m probably getting emo again before period)

i kinda want to do gifs but maybe nothing i ever do will top that vader-soka post ever

and the monthly ‘get fancy’ urge flared up again. and i’m still sitting on my lazy ass, torn between ‘working/writing’ and ‘get the fuck out and exercise’.

i think i would’ve displayed enough conceitedness by now for people on the internet to decide i’m obnoxious

this post has dragged on from the afternoon to now 3:36am in the morning. it’s a collection of scattered shitposts across the last few days. and as evident, i can’t even get a proper diary written.

no i have nothing else to vomit

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new diary. [27/6/2020. 3:40am to 4:16am.] parenting.

I talked with little bro last night. Yes, we haven’t seen each other again for another week. Yesterday was Dragon Boat Festival so we all met up at Gramp’s for dinner. On our ride back, he started talking about psychology and existentialism - not that he know the term - and a little bit conspiracy theories. I’m really glad he finally starts questioning his life. and I’m even surprised at myself being calm about his development on track with mine, two years behind.

Being/living away from him is beneficial to both of us, to an unforeseen extent. I’m relieved of the constant dread to raise him while being irresponsible myself. I can barely hold myself together while I pile on more unnecessary burden - roles that I don’t even qualify. Everything you do is magnified in her eyes.

Then since last year, our society and more importantly the micro-society that is our family... underwent some fundamental changes, to say the least. He is able to see behind the curtains to ugly truths and learnt to rely on himself, while being a good communicator on his own. I know how important it is for a teenager to have a listener, and that’s the role I’m trying to fill in. He also understands our similarities and differences between us, and the four of us, better than any one. He’s also more athletic, outgoing and sociable than I could ever be. So the new direction I will steer him in is diverse but accurate language to coach him in acknowledging and expressing his emotions over impulses. I felt like he is already capable in the empathy department (and he will be more sincere than I’ll ever be, because he doesn’t have ASD. Even with his one-sided experience with people on the spectrum, he understands the evil in the state media’s portrayal of the condition, among other disabilities)

The Summer is a political awakening, and his personal awakening slowly gains momentum since then even though his school’s Liberal Education curriculum doesn’t sow that seed. Unlike my school, his curriculum skipped over Personal Growth and Interpersonal Relationships in like two months while we had a year to talk about everything. The lessons on actualization, gender stereotypes, idol worshiping, generation gap, to romance theory, parenting styles and family function during my twelfth year really helped with my inquisitive puberty self. Since the second term, they’ve been on Hong Kong’s economy and sociopolitical participation - which undoubtedly has to be toned down after self-censorship and the bottom licker of a bureau head. From the fact they are a Band III school, the materials are already ‘dumbed down’ compared to my school but they honestly talked about too much things too shallow (I can attest because I was there at his online lessons.) I’m not even gonna complain about spoon-feeding info - model answers of an interpretation instead of the method, because that’s the general style of teaching in Hong Kong for the past two decades, and you have to start somewhere, BUT. During these precious formative teenage years, it’s important to teach the 13/14-year-olds HOW TO THINK, more importantly, how to think others would think, and recgonize validity: respect where it’s due.

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[Jun 7th, 2020 7:21:49pm]

there they go again. #autism rant

TVB is back with another autistic (asperger) character. (who is basically a ripoff of Shaun Murphy as my preliminary search unearths)

I’m-- slightly fuming at it. While a firm believer of seeing the whole picture, I couldn’t help frowning because it most certainly sounds like they are glorifying autism by painting it ‘savant’ and ‘cute quirks’, just playing right into the stereotype and making as if autism is something you want in your kids by IT HELPS YOU RAISE A DOCTOR. Especially under such a pressurized education system like Hong Kong’s where people feed ‘smart drugs’ to kids.

I mean, every once a few years they run dry and will write another autistic character. Usually the more common ‘typical’ autistic men still in the care of a single mother played for ridicules and tear-jerking. you know, your usual type of disability played for chicken soup for the sound. I’m rolling my eyes so hard at this hegemony for playing ALL kinds of discriminatory stereotypes that I honestly didn’t bother to speak out. Like the whole city knows their talents run dry and credibility low, so I just hadn’t bother.

Anyway, I’ve always been interested in a character study for autistic portrayal on the small screen from the TV station that DOMINATES and profits. (RTHK out there doing the lord’s work by actually casting actors with corresponding conditions in much more accurate portrayals and passionate stories, but they have a viewership share of barely 1%) and it was sparked by one very heartfelt performance in the 2015 drama, Smooth Talker. To my surprise, autism is no longer introduced as one of the two extreme; neither a genius or an idiot. It isn’t a form of intellectual disability or ‘lesser’, just ‘different’, and she is a girl.

So I was very, very invested in the character’s journey even though she only has a secondary role. They still played tropes like ‘beautiful face, weird brain’, but the Asperger character is also very well-informed in her condition, has personal goals, and manage to foster positive male friendships and grow from those around her. All in all, that was the staple of positive, and accurate autism portrayal in my eyes. I still love that drama and her particularly to this day.

:/ All in all, a copycat but stereotypical Shaun is a regress no less, but what do we expect from a state media now. just fucking sad people are fed more and more disinformation from news to entertainment, and the ignorant mass that feeds on TVB? are the exact mob of short-sighted selfishness the society needs to eradicate.

P.S. I just looked at his featured trailer. It’s playing RIGHT into the trope I hate most - that autistic pepole have no self-control. Yes, our brain tells us to do things at inappropriate times, but the whole purpose of socialization, and extra training because we are autistic, is to familiarize us with a reasoning mechanism to process emotions that could be foreign to us. Like people have impulses in their brains all the time and I bet we only act on 1% of them. Or that as an asperger autist myself, I would be extra mindful of my behaviour in my public, or around people I love (when I care), because I’m intelligent enough to know that society perceive differently than me. The fact that he initiated physical contact and wrap himself around his crush/colleague pushed my brows together in a tight lock.

The next scene has the said crush/colleague reciting back to him his autistic traits. hmmm. He started the trailer by saying he has a ‘normal’ IQ and stated the same difficulties? and that his medical training should’ve made him knowledgeable even if his condition was left untreated as a kid? which it isn’t? I fuckin’ hate this kind of senseless exposition. the only part they got closer to reality is maybe his banging head on the wall or preference for ambient noises. so yeah they got the ‘problems’ right.

also autistic people definitely do not talk like monotonous robot.

Follow Up: 27/6/2020 6am

The drama has been on a while (3 weeks) now. *breathes* Their relationship obviously doesn’t work. The insistence of using the exact words ‘ASD’ instead of the laymen is hypocritical. The set-up of mother-in-law/new wife rivalry is cliched and exhaustive. Inclusion of typical “autistic” patients in cameo roles as representation to the variety of the spectrum and exploration of the caretaker’s stress is... shallow and stereotypical.

I’m all for two imperfect people growing and learning with each other but they are pushed into marriage because the girl is dying?? and he simply stayed physically next to her the whole time?? woah, where’s the attraction? passion, intimacy, commitment - understanding? They don’t know what they’re getting into in a rush and they’re not ready.

okay, the actor is not bad. but would i say he’s good? original? No. He’s borderline accurate at glance, but I wouldn’t say he’s charming.

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[Jun 4th, 2020 7:41:31pm]

*sigh* I don’t know what to do again, so I’m going to therapeutically type into the tumblr draft and not publish anything again.

hmm the typing does feel right. but I don’t even have anything I want to say, per se. I do wanna go take a walk though,

I’m depressed and I don’t want to do any thing (until the next sun’s up and then go back to sleep) It’s not like when I’m restless when I would be fluttering looking for work to do. I opened the WIP list and lost interest in every. single. project. I love them and want to get them done all the same but I just looked at it then turn my head away annoyingly. I wanna sing my heart out. But I feel like I have a lot of thoughts locked up inside my head and it’d take either a very long type or some quickly frustrating handwriting to get out. :/ it could also be the period talking

*breathes* I try to remind myself to breathe

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[May 31st, 2020 10:30:03pm]

idk man idk what i want to do right now so i’m going to threaupetically type into the tumblr draft and not publish a thing :)

well i’ve been doing a LOT late actually. writing and giffing and buffing up the WIP list again. and i do like writing, but i guess for different reasons in different media. like on mobile, i’m more encouraged to start and list stuff out. but i have to come back to a desktop keyboard organize everything. hmm any way i love writing and i’m DESPERATE to get back to proper skysnips meta and or fic *air kiss*

*sigh* i have like so many things i wanna do~! right now, from all my heart, I actually wanna rewtach the wrong jedi arc. i miss them together and i miss them so much and i need that nostalgic pain. i just miss them so much!!!! okay!!!!!

~let’s go read some fanfic now :p

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[28/5/2020 14:30-15:00]

#personal #dark thoughts in the day of an afternoon

the disillusion of the justice system should serve as foreshadowing and thus, a warning to the people who still have faith in 'one country, two systems' which ultimately is merely a caricature of a constitution.

I used to believe in the justice system, not just the concept of justice served, but an actual system I can rely on. With every new court ruling, or lack there of of a prosecution, I believe less and less people could still hold the same faith in it. But if they still cling on to the mirage of 'a whole country', that we could somehow be the precious snowflake under a tyranny -

The phenomenon actually has only boiled over since the Anti-Extradition Law movement. But it has been simmering and boiling us alive since 2016, when the law was abused to disqualify democratically elected councillors, when they remove the force of change that once tried to play their game.

My mom questioned me that a lot, why wouldn't we work our way up to position of power and change from within. I stumbled once, I stopped explaining twice, and I barely manged an eyeroll the third time. That has been her philosophy imposed on me all my life. and to have that motto ripped apart, to have reality forces me to confront it - is a... destructive experience. (deconstructive would give a clearer meaning but it certainly destroyed (a part of) my old self and honestly caused some emotional damage)

I'm not saying sorry though. I'm not repairing that. I know all the right way to hurt people ok. and sometimes I like it. I don't understand people who don't understand that people can be sadistc. like, you can hurt people for fun. but most times it's not a very strong motivation, sometimes you just hurt people because you want to see them hurt, and that in turns feeds back to the Fun.

and honestly I don't hate myself for it. and I confirmed that I wouldn't woo for it in the future. and honestly I don't care if anyone die alone in despair. but this begs the question of, if you don't care, why would you rather choose this path? yeah i don't care, so i don't for this question as well. I am power-hungry!

I'm listening to lam chik's interview from rthk. He talked about letting go and holding on. he talked about reflecting on why we say the meanest things to the people we love most. I realize that when I was 16 ok. not trying to judge him or anything, just the philosophy discussed in the show. He was pleaing, a point in his life, wishing the pain would 'go away'.

I was thinking, how are you so confident that it wouldn't? that you could hold on to what you like? what you choose to believe/remember? what gave you the arrogance to defeat age and your own brain's decay?

It's

#echoesdiary

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jegheterkerry · 5 years

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so i finally started killing eve, which is impressive considering my shot-to-shit attention span and general motivation to like, enjoy a story right now. i think the thing that finally kicked my ass into gear is that it’s a DVD from netflix, and i’m in a weird cleaning/organizing mode, so i had to watch the dvd in order to send it back and get it off my plate. but i watched the first four episodes and got sucked in.

from tumblr i expected to be wowed by the outfits and the sexual tension, but neither of those things are actually doing it for me. there is undeniable chemistry between villanelle and eve, but i don’t see sexual attraction. it’s just...sociopathic obsession? or power play? idk, just...right off the bat you know both eve’s and villanelle’s motives, so whatever is happening right now isn’t the relationship that i was inferring from the gifsets. maybe something will develop, but i think it would be hard to separate it from what initiated these chases.

let’s talk about villanelle’s accents though...lordy. the way it slips from french to russian(?...something slavic) and really seduces whomever she’s talking to. at first i thought it was fake, and that we’d get to her original british accent soon, but that’s on me thinking too much jodie and not enough oksana. i paused to do the evening dog walks and found myself picking up her accent when talking to them, slowing and rolling my words like they were a hotel bed to roll around in. i’ve always enjoyed parroting accents from movies/tv, but this one i both wanted to listen to as well as use myself.

the outfits are great too, and the style is pulled off very casually, very french. maybe they made less of an impact because i’ve seen them all at this point. ah, spoilers.

um, anyway, i don’t think i’m obsessed with the show. i can wait until the next dvd arrives for more episodes. i’m just writing about it to feel accomplished in finally doing something that’s been on my list for a while, and to feel that accomplishment during this weird time. i wouldn’t say my life has changed a whole lot, since i was not very physically social to begin with, but i am scared for the collective future. i’m scared of how painful the disease is, how much i’ll suffer. i’m scared of how our economy and healthcare systems will be run into the ground before they can improve. i’m scared of how many people will die because of that. like...the government is literally murdering people for television ratings and stock market gains. this is happening. i’ve convinced myself i already have it just based on my odds (my compromised immune system and the fact that the people i live with only started social distancing a few days ago); i’m just waiting for the symptoms to hit me like a truck and drag me for a few blocks.

on the upside, this makes me very grateful for each day that passes that i feel fine, as if it is proof that i lived my life correctly two weeks ago to prevent any pain from hitting that day. who knows about tomorrow though. i spend most of my day scrolling through twitter, jumping between feeling like a hopeful ostrich and feeling like i’m witnessing the beginning of the end. and no matter what, the only thing i’m supposed to be doing is hiding in my bedroom, which...you would think i would love. it’s all i ever wanted. and yet.

i can tell i’m trying to be more social on the internet, but that feels weird too. maybe i should just stick to talking to dogs in accents.

i’m worried about my sister. i’m worried about william. i should have taken that stocking-up rush more seriously, because now i have to order AA lithium batteries (did you know my pump burns through one every two weeks? it takes at least 26 batteries a year to keep me alive) and i feel guilty for putting the warehouse and delivery workers at risk to get them sent to my house.

okay. fuck. maybe i should just stick to watching tv.

#i literally sat down just to cheer myself up about a tv show and APPARENTLY i've been holding too much stuff in #watch out this might become a series #i might start actually blogging #the covid diaries

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maevelin · 6 years

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That is what i find so frustrating about TO. You have to be on another level of crap storywriting, if you have all the characters you need there in front of you on a plate yet instead of using your creativity and working with what you have you conjure up a baby plot revolving around a character no one even asked for. The whole reason we wanted TO as a show was to see more of TO family. These are supernatural creatures that have lived 1000 years yet theyre reduced to soap opera storylines. 1/2

I was really slow to pick up on the fact that TO wasnt going to be the show we all asked for. I wasnt really an active part of the fandom on social media then so didnt know what was going on so when TO was announced i stupidly thought this is going to be amazing, a plot about the original family. By that point i was sick of damon and most of TVD characters and was rooting for klaus to kill them all lol. It wasn't till the scene where Rebekah's driving away from NOLA in her car i (2/3)

Realised that she's actually leaving for good. I still thought in my head that this is just part of the plot but then i found out Claire left and i realised that this baby plot is actually what the show is, and not the show i was expecting so i stopped watching for a long time. Maybe i was just stupid because the pilot did make it clear it was about a baby plot and not TO family. Also weird how elijah was barely in TVD, rebekah was in it more yet Elijah was more prominent in TO. (3/3)

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I honestly believe that JP never cared or wanted to write for vampires. She doesn’t have the knack or the talent for that genre. She does not grasp it. She does not care for it. I think she was there to fill in the blanks for Kevin and together they made a decent team. Kevin had the genre down up to a point and was good with the plot and the characterization and Julie could sprinkle some soap to the ships and the emotional drama and that combination actually fit.

It is no wonder that once Kevin was out everything became a shipping soup and by the end of it everyone seemed to have one goal. To be human. To act human. To get the white fence, the babies, the normal life. Which would be find for a drama soap or show concerning humans but was catastrophic for the kind of genre show TVD was and what TO was meant to be but never was. I mean how many vampires were even left in the end? Not just those that died but those that turned...human. Come on now. JP wanted to have her cake and eat it too. She didn’t care for TO in the way a genre writer should and would. She wanted to get her baby soap and that was the only chance she actually had to go through with it. Everything else of hers that didn’t belong to the TVD franchise was getting cancelled in their pilots or before their first seasons even finished airing. And in general as a writer she writers for the telenovela kind of soap and she can’t separate in her mind church from state in the way that she couldn’t divide what she wanted as a fan from what she should write as a professional. She believed it to be one and the same and when it would not work she would throw everyone else under the bus so to avoid responsibility and then she would try to make it work anyway. Well... newsflash Felicia!

I on the other hand however was not in the same boat you were where TO was concerned.

By the time S4 of TVD had reached its middle I was seeing things I hated. When they killed Kol while they were planning for the spin-off my mind was on red alert. I knew by that time how JP operated. It was obvious. I already knew her ways with the fans from Kyle XY too. Then I heard Phoebe had signed first. BEFORE Joseph while they had killed off Kol so Nate wouldn’t be part of the show. I saw where that Klayley trainwreck was leading. I already knew JP’s lack of talent and her inability to actually create intellectual plots and twists. So I was suspicious. I wanted this to actually work. I was an Original groupie first. I was rooting for the Original to get their own show but not in that way. It was like I watching a crash happening and I could not avert my eyes while everyone else was not seeing it. I was voicing my concerns back then and I remember that the fandom kind of saw me like the crazy lady in the lot but when the backdoor pilot aired I was 100% sure of what TO was going to be. Rebekah was regressed to a supporting cameo ffs! Kol was dead. Klaus was OOC crying in the streets next to his lunch that was obviously by the promotional interviews and the way they framed it in the backdoor pilot meant to be his love interest with what I saw from the gifs later (since I had never finished the backdoor pilot because when they threw the twilight scene I was out) was a copy of a KC scene with the whole art but meant to be more ‘deep’. The whole episode had some cinematic moments that were okay and I remember liking that they had used the Lafayette cemetery from Interview with the Vampire. The soundtrack seemed awesome. Marcel actually seemed interesting. And then...the baby crap and I was out. Back then before the backdoor pilot had even aired Joseph Morgan had said in an interview that if he was in charge some things may have been differently done. But then I remember thinking...oh crap...and then the episode actually aired and OH CRAP.

I never bothered with TO.

I dropped TVD like a bad habit when S4 ended and saw the ridiculousness with the doppelganger nonsense. At that point given everything JP was doing I found it really hard to understand how people could hold on to hope when it came to her and her writing. I was trying to warn people from the fandom left and right. Because I had honestly gotten truly attached not only with the ship but with the fandom too and I didn’t want people to get their hopes up and get treated as I was seeing them get treated. I was seeing it, I was speaking about it and understandably most people believed me to be irrational. I remember even people that I was close with and still am to give me the sideeye and be okaaay then.

By the time the official pilot aired along with TO’s first season I was 100% they would cut out the KC phonecall scene that was only meant to be a hook to get the green light for the backdoor pilot rather than anything else. The seen was cut of course.

But then I remember thinking that any responsible writer would aim to get a crossover as soon as possible and get Caroline there even to create a closure small arc to span in the two shows slowly (as they did with BTVS and ATS) but then they were all about saying how logistics were not working and the universes were going to be separated and I was still unable to understand how people actually had hope when the people in charge had no talent to do the basics and were so reluctant. The warning bells were there. Kudos to the DCTV universe for actually going for the crossovers in parallel back then so to show to everyone how the excuses the TO writers and producers were using were just that...excuses.

I was out for sure but I remember that I still kept an eye out to what blogs I followed reblogged and I remember when I realized how sloppy TO actually was. I remember seeing a gifset from a flashback of Klaus that aimed to be a visual parallel to Lestat from Interview with the Vampire only in the lore of the TVD franchise it was from before he broke his curse and he was shown with double fangs and golden eyes that were Hybrid traits. They actually didn’t bother to keep the basics of their main lead consistent for crying out loud. I don’t remember from which episode that gifset actually was. Only that it was from the first episodes and I was like...come on!

I remember I basically muted and unfollowed many blogs back then so to get my dash clean from that mess.

Anyhow I then returned for the 100th episode of TVD. When 5x11 of TVD was meant to air and the promos were out I was insisting that anything else that a kiss would be bad news for KC. I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s excitement but I was just getting a bad feeling about it especially after knowing JP’s track record. It was just too obvious to my eyes and it would be a regression in the development KC had up to that point. You DON’T narratively speaking -from a writing perspective- go from one cheek to the kiss to the whole sex when the characters are in different shows forming different attachment and ships if you don’t meant to wrap up the story. Which would mean leaving fans high and dry after leading them along. By that time TO was doing well in the ratings and I knew JP only cared for that and the KC fandom was not needed in her mind. I had made posts about it warning people again before 5x11 had aired. I remember I had even gotten some aggressive asks from KC fans about spoiling their fun and being negative without an actual reason. Then 5x11 airs, the sex scene is there (all sloppy to just get it out of the way...bad directing, not bothering with a song, giving the bare minimum) and JP goes all out and gives the interview about the KC closure minutes after the episode airs so to ruin everyone’s parade. Then there was the bomb with Claire’s exit which in my eyes was pending anyway ever since I had heard Claire had wanted to stay in TVD but was given an ultimatum only for her to be barely there in the backdoor pilot.

So generally speaking when it came to TO I was never hopeful. Not when JP was in charge. Not when they hired Carina out of all people for their writing team. Carina that hated Klaus and the KC fans. Not when they were disrespecting KCers from day one. Not when they were disrespecting the Kol fans. Not when Daniel was out there saying that once we would meet the new girl we would forget all about KC (which was said before TO’s first season aired so it was obvious that everyone was lying about Klaus not having a love interest). Not when the cast was mocking a whole fandom. Not when the conflicting interviews kept coming. Not when they had hired the gossip girl writers and producers and no one bothered with the actual genre. Not when...not when...not when...the list kept going.

I kept my criticism and my predictions going and I remember being patient because most people believed me to be crazy (which I am generally but not when it came to that so I could understand the confusion)

....and flash forward and here we are.

Although, admittedly, certain things did surprise me on a real life level, at first anyway, because fictional stuff aside I could never believe that certain people could act in the way they did (losing flights? getting into twitter fights, picking out fans, and even calling them assholes in podcasts? on and on), but otherwise I never had any expectations to begin with so most things didn’t surprise me and yes I did earn the right to go ‘I told you so’...which I tried to tone it down many times but sometimes it was just too fun to resist.

#anti the originals #ah the memories #all the way down to memory lane #it has been quite a trip LOL #also I admit it #sometimes I am petty #most of the times #right all the times #but damn it after all the fuckery in my askbox #and in general #I earned bragging points #Anonymous

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