#i was very unwell so i look an extreme mess during the entirity of it which sucks

[aimseytv]

thinking

[todoscript]

𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬

@grow-a-smile-for-a-while​ requested: i request 7 fluff + 10 angst please? With either Bakugou or Shinsou. (With 10 angst being them worried about the readers mental health) Thank you so much love ur writing!!1! 💗💗

anonymous requested: 7 fluff soulmate au for shinsou please!! Love your work 💛

prompt for milestone event: “I think you might be my soulmate.” + “I’m worried about you.” genre: soulmate au. angst with a bit of fluff. pairing: shinsou hitoshi x fem!reader word count: 3.1k+ warnings: implications of mental health issues.

author’s note: I combined the two requests since they both share the same prompt! This is actually my first time writing a soulmate au so I hope it’s alright. Special thank you to my lovely beta readers @tamasoft​ & @etegomanere​!

Throughout his entire life, Shinsou has only ever known the colors white, black, and gray.

They’re colors that prevent him from fully embracing the world as he walks through life each day peering through muddy lenses. Some say beyond the glass that obscures them all lies a realm painted in beautiful hues, teeming with an euphoria of colors outside the monochrome of perpetual black and white.

If such a paradise exists, Shinsou has yet to see or meet anyone that has ever set foot in that world. In fact, he honestly doubts such a thing is real, and has long adapted into his endless days stuck between the grays filtering through his vision.

However, today, he experiences something entirely new.

Today, he sees the color red.

It starts early in the morning, from the very moment he lifts himself up from his bed at the white sunlight trickling into his dorm room. There, with unlidded eyes, he glimpses into a vibrant, spontaneous pigment that lines itself on the outside.

Shinsou blinks twice, squinting, unsure if the grisly stain invading his vision is really there. But after consecutively rubbing his eyes in an attempt to brush it away, he groans when the angry color has yet to leave. The crimson that surrounds him is very much real.

With an average person, they’d be ecstatic, absolutely joyful at the change happening before—no, within their very eyes. What they’re seeing now is only a step forward toward that rumored world of infinite hues—a whole artist’s palette of colors waiting for them. Sadly, that isn’t the case for Shinsou as he realizes he’ll have to go about his day lugging such… severity surrounding him.

The extremity of the hue that covers the corner of his sight reminds him of fires setting ablaze in the thick of a forest. It hurts to look at, hurts to stride through his day with such an intense color following his every move like it’s tormenting him. If this is what the other colors are like, he’d rather keep to his monochromatic existence, please. Just even looking up and darting his head around is enough to give him a headache.

“Whoa, my man Shinsou, you okay?” Shinsou’s classmate, Kaminari, asks him while the upbeat boy takes his seat to his right, noticing the grim expression on his classmate’s face that likely isn’t due to any lack of sleep this time, considering its austerity.

“Yeah… I’m fine,” Shinsou assures, managing to suppress the extra strain leaking out when he turns his head. With the red intensifying at his movements, he wills himself just to look straight ahead for now. That’s all he needs to get through the school day anyway—directing his eyes to the front of the classroom where their homeroom teacher, Aizawa, enters to give them the news for the day. And yet, he can’t help but allow himself drift to your empty desk lying to his left, located one seat down the column from his.

He grumbles. That makes it three days now—three days since you last attended class.

Shinsou knows you haven’t been going to class because you “weren’t feeling well”—the answer you gave him when he approached you last night as you were walking down the hallway to your room.

He knew something was wrong. Your demeanor in that moment felt off, it was strange and unlike you.

You were rubbing your hands up and down your skin, acting like just being in his presence was nerve-wracking, and you never once met his eyes during the conversation. No matter how often he craned his head to see you, you made a point to turn away each time. And much to Shinsou’s concern, he also caught onto the heavy bags afflicted beneath your eyes. You looked like you haven’t had much of an ounce of sleep, despite taking time off from classes to recover. It only seemed that you were only getting worse at that point, and he grew worried every second in front of you.

But before Shinsou could pry further, you hastily ended the exchange with a sputtered good night and retreated back to your dorm room, slamming the door shut as if to reinforce a barrier that would keep him away. The next thing he knew, he headed to sleep, and woke up seeing the color red.

Staring at the vacant desk instills something in him that makes the red glow brighter, consuming more of his grayscale almost angrily. He winces as the throb courses through his head with growing intensity.

“Shinsou, you alright?”

Aizawa directs his concern toward him in the middle of his lecture when he notices Shinsou shrink in his seat at the pain. From the very moment he turns to answer his teacher, the pulses bleeding into his head subside, and the fiery hues return to a tamer tinge.

He answers Aizawa with a small nod, though it isn’t enough to dispel the teacher’s doubt right away. Aizawa, in turn, raises a brow, discreetly gauging his student’s condition. Luckily for Shinsou, it isn’t long until he brushes it off and resumes the lecture, gathering the students’ attention again, aside from the boy on Shinsou’s right.

Kaminari flattens his hand next to his mouth, words coming out in a whisper only audible enough for his friend to hear, “Dude, I don’t think you’re okay… You looked like you were going through some severe migraine when I got into the classroom.”

“I told you, it’s nothing, okay?” Shinsou replies, not diverting his eyes from the front of the room and putting Kaminari’s concern to rest for now as he shrugs in return.

However, his words aren’t enough to impede his headaches from coming back during the day. They grow more potent than ever as the crimson ignites across his vision.

What the hell is going on? Shinsou questions at this point when Midnight, their instructor for today’s hero course, advises him to head to the nurse’s office after he stumbles across the training field one too many times to be healthy for him. Begrudgingly following her order, he lugs himself to Recovery Girl’s office, who advises him to have a seat before she assesses his condition.

“So, you’ve been having headaches, have you?” the old woman asks, voice coming out like sandpaper while she scans across a page on her clipboard. “Tell me, when did they start?”

Shinsou rubs the back of his neck. “Just this morning, when I woke up,” he answers, “and they’ve only been getting worse.” He leans forward on his elbows settled atop his thighs, grumbling under his breath over the mess of his day so far. The red surrounding him swells relentlessly in waves. He narrows his brows tightly at the vermillion adjoining his hands, delving into the crevices of his palms as they pulse like a heartbeat.

Recovery Girl hums between those thin, balmy lips of hers, gloved finger beneath her chin before she decides to hop off her seat and head toward the cabinets.

“Well, this isn’t a wound or physical injury of some sort, so I can’t use my quirk to heal you. However, I can prescribe you a drug used to relieve migraines if that’s fine.”

He nods and Recovery Girl rummages through the shelves and pulls out a transparent container. With her small steps slowly approaching toward him, Shinsou gets up to meet her in the middle, hand held out to retrieve the medicine.

“I also suggest you head back to your dorm for now and rest up. You’re in no condition to train at the moment.”

“Right, thanks,” Shinsou says, burying the container in the pocket of his pants. He gets up from his seat, steps proceeding to the exit of her office. When he makes it to the doorway, a thought finds its way at the forefront of his mind, and he pauses for a minuscule moment.

“Recovery Girl,” he decides to call out, head tilted in the small woman’s direction.

“Yes?”

“Has Y/n been seeing you recently? About her… unwellness?” He words carefully, unsure of how to put your condition to light when he was still kept in the dark from you.

Recovery Girl shows her confusion between the small, wrinkled features on her face. She shakes her head. “No, I haven’t heard or seen much of her recently. Why? Is something wrong?”

Shinsou’s lips purse together, an uneasy feeling creeping on him that the stain on his vision reacts to instantly. He feigns a stoic expression over the backlash not to worry the lady, his right hand clutching over the shape formed on his pocket from the container underneath.

“It’s fine. I’ll check on her when I get back to the dorms,” he tells her, and the old lady simply blinks, her aged, dull senses unaware.

“Very well. Make sure to get your rest and take your painkillers, alright?”

“Yeah, I know.”

With that, Shinsou makes his leave. Unusual to him, however, his steps begin to pick up for some reason at every stride down the hallways of the building. He’s not sure where this urgency is coming from, but he can’t find it within himself to stop moving, and in fact, quickens his pace until he’s making his way back to the Heights Alliance dormitories.

The gray in his eyes is now gone. Red is what consumes his sight, vividly turning every shade around him into crimson. Whatever crosses his path bleeds and quivers in jagged red edges, from wooden floorboards to the sunlight filtering through the windows. He’s not sure what this could mean, but the one thing Shinsou is certain about is that something is wrong. And he needs to go to you.

True to his word, the first thing he does is jab the button on the elevator to the building’s highest floor, walking out after his ascent with eyes aimed at your dorm room. What comes next is three firm knocks against the wood of your door, making a point to let his presence be known on the off chance you can’t hear him.

“Y/n?” he voices, your name echoing in the empty expanse of the hallway on his side, “It’s me, Shinsou. Please open up. I just want to check on you.”

There’s approximately three seconds of pause before Shinsou leans into the door, ear pressing against it to catch any sign of movements on the other side. He hears a rustle or two until it’s replaced by the padding of feet on the floor. Standing back, he prepares for the door to open as the golden doorknob rattles into a turn.

“Shinsou,” you greet quietly with the entrance’s slow swing, where he sees you peer at him from a crack between the door. Your tired eyes find him, and he immediately notes the bagginess still persisting underneath. They give his own dark eye bags a run for their money.

Though his edginess remains, the red dissipates back into grays, blacks, and whites. His head is now absent of those headaches that plagued him as he gazes through those muddy, monochromatic lenses again.

“What are you doing here? Isn’t class going on right now?”

“It is, but I was sent back,” Shinsou tells you, eyes never leaving yours as he observes you attentively. “wasn’t feeling well.”

You cross your arms on your chest, looking down while you squeeze a bit of your skin to busy your hands. There’s a significant silence between you two that Shinsou wishes didn’t drag on for so long. Before he can come up with anything to resolve the tension, you’re already a step ahead, beating him in breaking the silence.

“Well… if that’s all then I’m going to head back to my room,” you say. Your hand clutches the doorknob to pull it back in, but Shinsou’s quick to act.

“No, wait—!”

He braces his foot between the gap just in time to stop the door’s movement, the hinges creaking due to the sudden halt. Staring at him, you’re dazed by his actions as he pries the crack open further.

“Y/n, I know there’s something wrong,” he states, hoping his usual keen intuition is enough for you not question this. He doubts you’d believe him if he ever told you the very color red led him to this moment.

You deny his claims, fingers firm on the knob. “I told you yesterday that it was nothing.”

“No. You’re not alright, Y/n.” His calloused hands cup your face, tilting up to guide you to his eyes—eyes that appear just as gray to you as they are to him. You stare into them, unable to reply at how unyielding he is toward your condition.

Despite the homologous grayscale of colors, Shinsou can see it all. He sees the stress carried in your eyes, down to the tension in your face that tires from feigning smiles every day. He knows you’re hurting just keeping up the withering cracks of your fortitude. Yet you can’t stop yourself from picking up your porcelain again, trying to mend them with the cruddy glue that is your mentality. If you continue this, you’d surely fall apart into too many pieces to put back together.

“Please, talk to me. I’m worried about you.”

You have no idea how much those words have an effect on you. Not until you’re suddenly weeping in front of him, tears spilling down your eyes as your throat begins to sunder into sobs. All he can do is offer you the solace of his warm embrace as he tugs your arm so your form is drawn into his body. He feels the tears prickle into his shirt, wetness seeping into his skin, but he doesn’t care. Shinsou holds you in his arms and pats against your hair gently, treating you like you are delicate earthenware bound to break as you tremble.

“I-I’m just s-so tired, and stressed, and I-I don’t know w-what to do s-s-sometimes,” you sob between words, voice muffled into his chest. Shinsou hushes you softly, unwavering in warmth.

“It’s okay. I know. You can let it all out, I’m here for you,” he assures firmly. The two of you stay there in that position for some time, your cries isolated in the empty expanse of the hallway with the dormitory vacant except for yourselves. When they begin to die down, Shinsou perceives his vision changing again.

This time, what greets him is a muted blue. The shade is not far off from the steely grays he’s accustomed to, but distinguishable enough for him to notice the change. It’s a sad color that reminds him of tears and lonely clouds.

Shinsou glimpses down at you, your body finally still against him, yet he can tell your aches are far from healed.

You sniffle, backing away when you realize you’re still nuzzled into his chest, now stained with damp patches on his white button-up. He gives you your space, smoothing the strands of your hair one last time before he parts. Though he makes an effort to hold your hand as your other rubs the hot wetness away from your puffy eyes.

“You… alright?” he asks, lightly squeezing your fingertips. You don’t give him much, just a slow, descending nod that is enough for him to continue gingerly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Your initial hesitance almost makes him retract his question, afraid that he may have poked further than was comfortable, but you mitigate that thought with another nod, allowing him inside your dorm room.

When your door clicks to a close, you lean against it and watch as the taller boy stands aimlessly in the middle of the room.

“Shinsou?” you call, and he perks up.

“Yeah?”

“How did you know... what was going on?” you ask, voice drawing out across your room quietly.

For once, Shinsou doesn’t have an answer. He stands there, silent, unable to approach your question with a clear response. But there’s a lingering voice in his head telling him that he knows what led him to you deep down.

The colors.

He realizes the red enveloping his vision this entire time was connected to you. From waking up, glimpsing at your desk, to mentioning any thought of you, the color only ever intensified. And it calmed down at the very moment you opened your door, turning blue from your sadness washing in waves before him.

Shinsou draws in a breath of air. He’s not sure how to relay this notion in any other way than the words that cross his mind.

I think you might be my soulmate.

His heart suddenly flutters at the mere inkling of the words spoken in his head. It sounds almost far-fetched, reminding him of romantic fairy tales narrated in storybooks. Still, he can’t conjure any other resolution than this—can’t find any explanation for these connections of colors that bind your consciousness to him.

A small, inner part in him desires to blurt this out to you, let it be known of the fate stringing your pinkies together through the pigments painted on his canvas. But staring back into your swollen, tired eyes, he knows he can’t do that right now. What you need is for him to be by your side and help you recollect your thoughts. Learning about the possibility that you’re his soulmate is likely the last thing you want to hear in your condition.

He shakes his head, brows knitting together. “I’m not entirely sure about it myself,” he starts warily, coming closer to reach out for your hand again, “but all I know is that whatever happened led me here to you. Told me when you were at your weakest.” Shinsou twines your fingers together, lightly pulling you away from the door and toward the middle of the room. “And that was enough for me to come.”

When the comforting words depart his mouth, he swears that in an infinitesimal moment, those grays of his canvas spatter with droplets of color as he gazes down at you with only compassion in his eyes. That his black and white world transforms into that rumored paradise of beautiful hues for just a second until in the next blink, they’re gone.

He doesn’t know what to make of it, but it’s sufficient for him that whenever he glimmers into your eyes, colors are lying in wake underneath the monochrome. So he clutches your hand in his, allowing you to spill your thoughts out to relieve them off your shoulders as he hopes that one day, you and him can walk in tandem together into the color.

[stellar-imagines]

HEADCANONS REQUEST: ❝early period.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Shouto, Kirishima Eijirou ]

「Headcanons of Bakugou, Kirishima and Todoroki when their fem!S/O's period arriving earlier (like during lunch time and they asked them to eat lunch but S/O has already bled through their skirt) and how would the boys assess the situation.」

BAKUGOU KATSUKI  

♤ You don't usually keep track of the exact date of when your period is supposed to hit. To begin with, its inconsistent, it could be a few days early or even a few days late. So it can come at the worst moments but you never expected it to come around lunch time. Bakugou had called you over, inviting you to eat lunch with him when it happened. He saw that you were bleeding through your skirt.

♤ Bakugou is super worried. Like you’re fucking bleeding all of a sudden? Did something happen to you? An old wound reopening? Wound from where? When and how did it happen? If so why didn’t you tell him that you got hurt in the first place? With so many questions inside his head, he mentally told himself to keep quiet and help you first! Seeing you look embarrassed and scared made him panic and he wasn’t sure if he should comfort you first or not . There were a few people who turned your way, whispering amongst themselves and wondering if you’re injured or something. Bakugou tells everyone to fuck off and pulls you to Recovery Girl’s office to get you treated for your ‘injury’.

♤ Boy was relieved that you were just on your period but you’re super embarrassed that your boyfriend saw you bleeding through your skirt. And it wasn’t only him, a few other people were there as well. You just wanted to dig a hole, crawl in it and die from humiliation. If anyone dares to look at you wrongly, Bakugou won’t hesitate threatening to poke their eyeballs out. Even without the threatening, they will cower away just from Bakugou’s glare. This boy won’t allow anyone to mess with you for something that you can’t control.

♤ Let's be honest here. Bakugou complains when you demand something from him but he does it anyway because he's an absolute softie for you. During periods you just want cuddles and for him to keep your stomach warm. Not only that, you have cravings that required him to go back and forth to the nearest convenience store to get it for you. He calls you annoying and being needy but seeing you whine and complain about your cramps made him give in.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

☆ Todoroki panics too but in a more calm way. He asks you what's wrong after calming you down. The guy brings you to a secluded area first to assess the situation and check your injuries. When you admit that you're actually on your period, he's a bit relieved that you weren't injured in anyway. But seeing in you a panicked and embarrassed state, he brings you over to Recovery Girl and away from people's stares.

☆ There were a lot of things he wanted to ask because he has no idea how to react to you having your period earlier than you're supposed to. He's trying to understand what's going on. The guy leads you out of Recovery Girl's office once you're feeling a bit better. He's still a bit hesitant and asking multiple time if you're still okay with attending classes and insists that you return to the dorms if you're feeling unwell. He looks pretty calm despite having witnessed you bleeding through your skirt. You asked him if he felt disgust and he shook his head at that, mentioning about how it was something you can't control.

☆ Walking human heater. You don't need to waste money on heating pads anymore when you have Todoroki as your boyfriend. It's not like you're using him or anything, he offers! The guy has little to no experience and no idea how a girl's period feels like. He does his best to satisfy your cravings and needs. If you ask him to buy pads for you, the guy doesn't have any complaints but he will be very confused because there's a lot of choices. Todoroki doesn't mind running errands for you, buying food and snacks that you're craving for.He calls you and asks so many questions that sounded extremely dumb.

☆ "Why are there lengths? Is it different for different girls?" He sounds very confused and at lost but at the same time you could sense that he was actually curious. He does his best with helping you feel better. Todoroki gets a bit restless while you're on your period because he has to experience at all and doesn't know how to deal with it. He asks you constantly if there's anything he could get and do for you.

KIRISHIMA EIJIROU

♡ Kirishima invited you to eat lunch with him and his group of friends like he normally does. It was on one of the days when you actually least expected it. Your period had been stable for months, only a day earlier or a day late. But it was really early on this month. He is very worried and is by your side in an instant when he sees that you're struggling. He felt his heart stop at the sight of blood seeping through your skirt.

♡ He's throwing questions at you while he's guiding you to Recovery Girl's office, mostly asking if you're feeling sick or not. You understand that he's concerned but you were embarrassed to admit that you're on your period. Kirishima is willing to help you through anything so he takes it quite well when you tell him that you're actually on your period. When there are people staring at you after witnessing you bleed, he's quick to clear up the misunderstanding and avoid people from making a big fuss about it.

♡ The sweetest boyfriend honestly, he treats you like a princess when you're on your period. But seriously, Kirishima treats you like a princess all the time. He's super worried when he sees you rolling around, holding your stomach in pain. The guy will be by you side within an instant to tend to your needs. He just feels super bad and he's willing to do anything it takes to help you feel better. He will grab you some painkillers, pads or whatever the hell you're craving for at the moment. He's an expert at pampering you and is definitely not shy when he has to go to the nearest drugstore to buy some pads for you.

♡ You want cuddles, he will give you the manliest cuddles that have ever existed. Honestly, cuddles are cuddles, you're not sure how cuddles can be manly to begin with. Kirishima is an affectionate person and you can't change our minds. He will want to be cuddled up with you when you're going through cramps. If you want to watch some cheesy movie that you've watched over a hundred times, he's not gonna complain if he can cuddle you throughout the entire movie. He doesn't like seeing you in pain and wants to be of help in any way he can! 

Total: 1148 words Published: 22.04.2020

Thank you for requesting! ｡٩(ˊᗜˋ)و*｡ Who else has cramps during their periods? I do and sometimes, I just curl up in bed until the pain passes. We did our best with this, hope you all liked it! ― author Lou

Thank you for requesting! Cramps where you crave for sweets like chocolate, ice cream or anything sweet, really. The satisfaction of eating whatever you’re craving is a nice feeling. To those suffering from period cramps, hang in there! ― author Natsuki

Requests are open! Matchups are closed!

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.

[nonsensicalobsessions]

Tom & the Cookie Monster Take 2

Author’s note: @villainousshakespeare , this idea came and hit me like a brick. Hopefully it did not leave any lasting damage, nor will it give you any by reading it. Anyway, you requested: “May I please have a Tom himself fic (since you are so good at those!) maybe something set during the Broadway run of Betrayal?“ I do not know if this will live up to your praise, as this is but a shortie, but I hope you enjoy, here is your promised prompt, my dearest friend:

Two male Hiddlestons made their way through the hallway towards their apartment door. One was prancing, sprightly and happy. The other was proceeding at a trudge.

Tom was tired, and he had every reason to be. It was Saturday night, which meant there had been the matinee production, as well as the evening show of Betrayal. And while the show was going extremely well, the pace was still grueling some days.

Like today. And yesterday’s. And last week’s...

He rifled through his keys, snickering as he remembered how one fan he spoke to was under the assumption he was living in a penthouse apartment on Fifth Avenue. Erm, no. He had quite a nice furnished flat, in a secure building where he did not have to be concerned any random fan could interrupt his rare moments of private life, but it was simply a nice flat. And at the moment, one of his neighbors was evidently baking biscuits, and his stomach growled.

And not just any biscuits, but chocolate chip biscuits. Damn it. Now he was hungry, and even though he knew of at least half a dozen places that would deliver even at this hour, he was tired, and didn’t feel like interacting with anyone. He wished to take his public face off, just as he had removed his stage make up a couple of hours ago, but then went and spent the time afterwards doing stage door appearances for his fans. Which he loved doing. But now, he just felt drained.

As he found the right key, Bobby was sitting at the door obediently, but Tom could see the dog was all but vibrating to be let in. “Bob, what is it, man?” As Tom unlocked the door, Bobby let out a joyous bark and sped in so rapidly Tom was grateful he had dropped the lead, or his shoulder would have suffered a hell of a jerk.

Tom walked in, his eyes bouncing quickly, dropping his bag and pulling out his phone in a reflexive action. While he had never had a fan break into any of his digs, it had happened to several of his friends, and his fingers were already preparing to call security, even as he recognized the smell of biscuits was even stronger now.

Apparently whomever Bobby had run to greet had baked for him. Which was a pretty decent thing to do, stalker-behavior aside.

“You forgot I was coming tonight, didn’t you?” The familiar female voice was amused, as her yet-to-be-seen form was bent over in the kitchen, acknowledging Bobby’s slavish adoration.

Oh, shit. He had.

He dropped his keys in the small dish she had given him to keep his keys when she learned he kept misplacing them.

“How much trouble am I in?” Even his voice was dull.

“Oh, honestly, Tom.” An arm came up from behind him, hugging his waist and brandishing a freshly baked treat, so fresh it was being held in a napkin. “If you’re so tired that you can’t even remember having given your extra key to someone for just this purpose, I think that speaks more to exhaustion than culpability. Have a cookie, Cookie. I made them just like the recipe printed on the bag, so I can’t have messed it up too badly...”

Then another hand snaked around his waist, this one bearing the body and face of none other than the Cookie Monster, who proceeded to menace the other hand’s bounty. “Delayed gratification, Hiddleston!!” Now the female voice behind him was growly and raspy. “No cookies for you, you must practice the art of...”

“Oh, fuck that,” quoth Tom, grabbing the napkin and spinning around to the laughing face of his baker-cum-stalker. “Get the hell away from my biscuits, Cookie Monster, and take your delayed gratification and get stuffed...”

“It’s a puppet, darling, I don’t think they can get stuffed...”

“No, but they can get a fist right up their...”

“Shut up, Tom, and eat your cookie! I am shocked, shocked and appalled by your uncouth behavior...” laughed Sabrina Wright, who was clearly neither shocked nor appalled.

Tom met Sabrina three months ago, when he did an impromptu visit at a children’s hospital as Loki, complete with costume. The entire event was kept under wraps and unpublicized, as it wasn’t sponsored by anyone. Chris Evans had come to the area to visit a friend who was facing surgery, and between him, Charlie Cox, and Tom, they hatched the idea. Then at the last minute, Brie Larson found out about the plan and came along as well.

The children were ecstatic and a “Marvelous time was had by all” as Tom kept saying later, much to everyone’s general disgust as they kept throwing things at him at his apartment...but Tom had noticed that while everyone, children, parents, siblings, and staff were excited and clamoring to be involved in the fun, there were a few patients that were just too ill to participate, and he and his friends made a point to leave some things aside for those kids to have, and to see if there was anything they could do for them once the furor calmed down.

There was one nurse that never joined in the carefully controlled chaos, but went about caring for, and ultimately consoling, the ones who wished to play but couldn’t, or were too ill to notice, or care. Tom saw her picking one child up, and simply rocking him in her arms in a rocking chair for awhile, rubbing his back, and apparently singing to him. He made a mental note to say hello to her as well. He knew there was always someone that had to stay behind and work when everyone was enjoying these kinds of parties, and he wanted to let her know he saw and was touched by the work she was doing with so much heart.

Once the brouhaha and the dust settled, Loki stepped aside, found Nurse Sabrina, and asked if the other children would be interested in seeing the Marvel crew, and she grimaced.

“It’s very kind of you to inquire, uh, Loki, if you and your...cohort would like to perhaps wave at the children from the doorway if they are awake, that would be fine, but that is the most I can allow. They really are quite sick.”

Chris stepped up. “Is it all right if we leave them some signed posters and things like that?”

“Cap, I know that would make them very happy, even if we have to put them up outside of their rooms, looking in...!”

Loki looked into the room where he had seen the little boy Sabrina had rocked. He seemed so frail... “Erm, that little boy...will he be alright?”

Sabrina’s face buttoned up. “I’m afraid I cannot comment on his prognosis, Loki. I will say...I wish you had healing powers. For all of these children, obviously...but especially for him. He was so distressed he could not come out and see you, in particular. He thinks you are, ah, badass. I do not bother correcting his more colorful speech. It’s not relevant.”

“I see. Is he awake?”

“Yes, he is, but I cannot allow you to go in...”

“I understand...tell this young Midgardian to expect a visit in a few minutes...”

One of the giveaway items they had was a small t shirt, which Tom had signed by both characters and actors, and then proceeded to his room.

Small Tim Curran was wondering why Nurse Sabrina had come in, and insisted that she comb his hair, and wash his face...and then...

“Midgardian.”

“Holy sh...smokes,” the little boy breathed. Standing in the doorway was none other than the OG, the badass himself... “Loki?”

“I understand you are unwell and as such I am not to enter your presence. I would not wish to undermine your recovery. However, I come bearing gifts.”

Sabrina entered, grinning from ear to ear, and showed him the T-shirt. Loki had even doodled his face next to his name. “I have embued it with as much healing seidr as possible. I do not know if it will be effective against your Midgardian illness, but I do know it will aid your prodigious courage and strength, provided you heed the instructions of Healer Sabrina, and all others who are working in your aid.”

Captain Marvel, Captain America, and Daredevil also spoke to him personally, adding what qualities they added to his shirt.

Tim was in heaven, and as Sabrina was looking at his vitals, saw he was getting over excited, and thought she would have to cut the visit short, but seeing as she was getting concerned, the actors all proclaimed they needed to depart to return to their duties.

Tim fell asleep that night clutching his shirt, and would not be parted from it. Loki would be pleased to know it did impart healing powers, because it brought the little boy so much happiness...

Tom called Sabrina the next day, and asked if there was anything else he could do for the children in the wing, and Sabrina replied they were still very excited, and he had done more than enough. She was very grateful. She was also very thankful he called to speak with her personally, not because she was flattered on a personal standpoint (although she was) but because her superiors in administration would be quick to turn it into a publicity request or worse, a financial one).

Tom shyly admitted he did have an ulterior motive for asking to speak with her personally...he wanted to know if he could see her sometime.

Something about the small nurse had gotten under his skin. Maybe it was the way she stuck to the background the entire afternoon, even when everyone was getting into the big group photo. Maybe it was the way she never asked for a thing herself, even when they were all speaking casually and privately at the end, when she easily could have. No one would have minded, and even Evans and Larson commented on it over pizza and beer later that evening, how she didn’t ask for a selfie, an autograph, nothing, even though she was as friendly and pleasant as old be...

Cox noticed how Tom blushed when Evans joked about he couldn’t get over someone didn’t want to get a photo with the man who saved New York, or the bastard that almost destroyed it. Cox noticed everything...as he was leaving for the night, he asked Tom, “Are you going to try to get Nurse Ratched’s phone number?”

Tom had flared, “Don’t do that. Don’t make fun of her.”

Cox grinned. “Ah hah. So that’s the way the wind is blowing...” and walked away, whistling.

Coffee became an exchange of What’s App phone numbers. Both of them worked long hours, so texting was a godsend. Texts became marathon phone calls at odd hours of the day, which became meetings in strange places to avoid the paparazzi, until they stumbled into each other’s arms, and each other’s beds.

Sabrina was like no one Tom had ever met: calm, compassionate, cheerful, and not giving a tinker’s damn about the industry, gossip columns, and all the rest of it. When he hesitantly pointed this aspect of her personality out to her she looked at him as though he was something of interest under a microscope.

“Sweet man, I act like I don’t care because I truly don’t. It’s completely irrelevant. Unimportant. Trifling. I have held children’s beating hearts in my hands while doctors have desperately tried to sew them back together in operating rooms because bullets ripped through their little bodies and their bedrooms in housing projects. I’ve held hysterical parents back as they’ve tried to somehow willtheir dying children back to life as they take their last breaths. I’ve held newborns in my hands as they have been only seconds old, and I have held children in my arms as they’ve breathed their last. That, to me, is real. That is life. And it comes wrapped up in tears and laughter and vomit and shit and blood and love and love and love. If some paparazzi, interviewer, man on the street, or tabloid tried to give me shit for loving you, ask me how much I’d care? The answer is not at all. It’s not going to change my mind, or my life.”

Tom knew, then, he had found his one, the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and grow old with, maybe even have a family of his own with...the question was, would she want the same...?

“...Tom? Tom?...Earth to Major...oh, you know what? Forget about it, Major Tom has crashed, Houston, we have a problem,” sighed Sabrina looking at her lover who had fallen asleep on the sofa still clutching part of a cookie he had yet to finish.

“Well, Bobby, it looks like another night of delayed gratification for me...good thing he’s so cute, and I happen to love the charming beanpole,” she commented wryly, only to see that Bobby was also lying on the floor asleep...and farting.

“Good God, what is it with the Hiddleston men tonight, I wonder?” Laughing quietly, Sabrina got up and made sure the bed was ready (and not in the hapless disarray of clothing tossed all around, which was not usual but happened enough to be worthy of a check). She turned down the covers and made sure there was a bottle of water on Tom’s nightstand.

As she was doing this, Tom woke up with a jerk, and he looked around for Sabrina. He wasn’t quite awake, wasn’t asleep, and Sabrina wasn’t there...she wasn’t there, she had finally done it, come to her senses and left him, he had forgotten she was coming to spend the weekend with him, one the rare occurrences she had the entire weekend off, and then he goes and falls asleep on her, no, noton her, but next to her like a right pillock, as if she wasn’t even there...no, no...he knew it was going to happen eventually, she was too lovely a person to put up with him and his bullshit, the way he was so self-absorbed and caught up in his own problems and life, she was right, she dealt in the real world, and...

He put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry, Sabrina...so sorry. You deserved better, but I loved you the best I could,” he whispered. “I gave you all the heart I have...”

“What’s this then?” A soft voice, sweet like melted chocolate, soothing as a warm kiss...

“Sabrina!” His head shot up so quickly she winced at the cracking sound from his neck, and then saw his reddened, swollen eyes.

“Ah, love, what is it? Nightmare?” She came and extended her hand to him. “Come with me, you’re exhausted, and we’ll cuddle.”

“You’re still here.”

She looked at him tolerantly. “Yes, Tom. Still here. Complete with my Cookie Monster puppet, just to drive you mad. Come to bed. I’ll snuggle with you and chase the bads away, I promise. The only monster here is the blue one eyeing your cookies, and I’ve put him away.”

He took her small hand, and smiled. “There will be no delayed gratification in this house. We will enjoy the things we love, and live the one life we have to its fullest...no longer am I going to delay giving my heart what it desires most...I shall be bold, and decisive...Bobby, you have my express permission, nay, encouragement, to destroy the Cookie Monster, and anything else that dares come between myself and my love...”

Yes. He would be bold. Tomorrow, he would ask her if she would consider becoming a permanent star in his sky, he would stop living in fear of her disappearing the moment he closed his eyes, he would throw caution to the four winds, and belay any idea of delaying his happiness, and hopefully, hers, for any reason, a moment longer. There would be declarations made, and promises, and...

He tripped over his shoes.

“Careful! Harsh, Tom, very harsh...and Bobby, don’t you dare.” They turned off the lights and made their way to bed, Tom sleepily stripping along the way, making Sabrina laugh. “Ah, what the world to pay to see this strip show...”

“Quiet, Woman. This is not a strip show, this is a ritual divestiture of armor.”

“Uh huh,” she skeptically agreed, looking at the trail of clothes behind him. “So, if I was to get undressed like that...”

“Ah, now that would be a strip show, and a lovely one, indeed...”

“Sexist double standards...here, sit down, I will tuck you in...”

“Promise?”

“Tom!”

The naughty little boy expression he gave her was ruined by his yawn he could barely cover. Sabrina laughed as she quickly undressed and put on her sleep clothes, only to be greeted by Tom’s gentle snore the moment she turned out the light. He was so very tired. She was glad he could relax, and find some rest.

And while yes, it was definitely a night for delayed gratification, they had the whole weekend to look forward to sharing. She, for one, was so looking forward to bringing out the Cookie Monster puppet in the morning...maybe as part of a wake up call...

Tagging @villainousshakespeare , @winterisakiller , @vodka-and-some-sass , @lotus-eyedindiangoddess , @just-the-hiddles , @yespolkadotkitty , @hopelessromanticspoonie , @theheartofpenelope , @sabine-leo , @wegingerangelica , @ciaodarknessmyheart , @wrathkitty , @rhemasky , @catsladen​ @sourpatchkidsandacokecan​ , @redfoxwritesstuff​ , @the-insomniac-cat2​ , @alexakeyloveloki​ , @myoxisbroken​ , @ladyfluff​ , @toomanystoriessolittletime​

[jaybug-jabbers]

All-Glitch Pokemon Blue Run Pt12: The Ol’ Razzle ZZAZZLE

June,

What you were standing in was essentially a phantom town. You are correct-- they seem to be parallel universes we can sometimes gain access to. However, in our research we have yet to determine why they are seemingly void of life . . . or human life, in the very least. 

As promised, I am sending you directions now on how to make contact with glitchy people. Perhaps that will make these Glitch Cities and phantom towns seem a little less lonely. You must be very careful, though, June. Interacting with glitched people can be incredibly dangerous. Some of them are trainers, just like you or I, but they seem to often use glitched pokemon. 

That in and of itself is hazardous enough, but some glitched trainers can also trigger something called ‘ZZAZZ.’ The ZZAZZ phenomenon is one of the single most devastating things known to exist. It affects not only the trainer, but the trainer’s pokemon and the world around them. Even when glitch trainers do not trigger ZZAZZ, there are plenty of other strange effects to look out for. 

Exercise extreme caution, and be sure to report back to me any of your findings.

-Professor Gingko

---

Professor,

The glitch trainers are a strange bunch. I was eager to try and talk to them, but every one of them remained silent when I approached and greeted them. They held a blank expression, their eyes glazed over. Some of them looked like normal people, while others were recognizably human but highly distorted. Still others were simply a glitchy, twitching mess. 

I never could communicate with any of them, but I did succeed in engaging some of them in pokemon battles. I figured that was a type of communication, in a way. At least it helped me learn a little more about some of them. I kept careful notes of my encounters. I will list them here, organized by the number I’ve assigned them.

TRAINER #248:

This trainer was very thin and glitchy looking. My GlitchDex told me their name was “PK.” They began battle by sending out a Charizard‘M at level 26. 

This is the first time I experienced the ZZAZZ phenomenon. As you predicted, it had a powerful influence, transforming most of my own pokemon into Bulbasaurs-- all at the extremely high level of 153. Furthermore, they had forgotten most of their moves and instead only knew how to Explode. Some were also poisoned, possibly from toxic radiation caused by the glitch or the mutations. At the same time they were poisoned, they also seemed to have radiation burns, or they inexplicably fell asleep. The whole thing was incredibly disconcerting. 

It was frightening, but we fainted the Charizard’M on the first move. Next was a Farfetch’d, and after that was a Doduo. Things were going all right, considering the circumstances. After Charizard’M, these others seemed fairly normal pokemon, other than some odd sounds they made. But as the Doduo was counter-attacking, I suddenly passed out.

Passing out would be a very big trend for encountering glitch trainers, as it turned out. 

TRAINER #249:

This trainer seemed to be named  1◣ゥ' and sent out a glitch pokemon my dex identified as C9. It was level 32. As I switched pokemon, I passed out.

TRAINER #250

This one was named “48 :” and, like #248, sent out a level 26 Charizard’M. My pokemon did not seem afflicted with ZZAZZ, in the very least, but after the first move I made in battle, I passed out.

TRAINER #251

I cannot even confirm that there was a trainer in this encounter. I thought I saw one out of the corner of my eye, but I blacked out before meeting them. My GlitchDex, oddly, displayed some sort of error, its screen saying “Too bad! The trade was cancelled!” Was this glitch trainer attempting to trade with me, perhaps?

TRAINER #252

This one seemed to be named “Trainer 4.” Like the others, they sent out a level 26 Charizard’M. Something interesting happened this time, though. As I was fumbling through my item bag, a pokeball accidentally fell out and rolled away. The glitch trainer was offended and thought I was possibly trying to steal their pokemon, and kicked the ball away. I tried to explain it was a misunderstanding, but then they immedialy just . . . left. In the middle of battle. 

Normally this would not be much of a problem, but we were under the influence of ZZAZZ. Most of my pokemon were massively overlevelled exploding Bulbasaurs. I wandered around in that state for a bit, unsure what to do, trying to relocate the glitch trainer. As I wandered, I accidentally encountered another, regular trainer.

Or at least, I had thought they were.

DEATH TRAINER

The trainer looked just like me. It was like looking into a mirror, except my reflection had blank, glazed eyes. They didn’t speak, didn’t hold any sort of expression. Just sent out a Charizard’M. It was an often frustrating battle, as my pokemon were ornery and often disobeyed me, but we battled our way through the trainer’s team, first the Charizard’M, then Farfetch’d, then Doduo, and next Pidgey. All of them were level 26.

And we did it. We defeated their four pokemon. I was feeling pretty dang good about myself. But then . . . that trainer, still blankly staring at me, took another ball out-- one of the pokeballs my GlitchDex had identified as containing a fainted pokemon-- and released it. 

It appeared to be glitchmon #00. But my Dex detected its HP was at insane levels that simply went off the scale. It also had unusual moves for a #00, apparently; not just Water Guns and Sky Attacks. I did my best to battle it, but its bulk was ridiculous. I threw pokemon after pokemon at it, and even their Explosions at phenomenally high levels hardly left a scratch on it. Meanwhile, it was attacking with Waterfall, Sludge and Petal Dance. Sometimes Petal Dance meant it hit itself in confusion, which was nice, but it just wasn’t enough. Nothing seemed to be.

We dragged that fight on for maybe a half an hour long, as I had a Snorlax I wanted to stall out PP on so I could get him down to Struggle. But even that didn’t do much. The foe seemed to have infinite PP and infinite HP. When my last pokemon fainted, its HP bar was still going stronger then ever.

Then I blacked out myself.

TRAINER #253

This next trainer I tried seemed to just be named ‘ゥ.’ They sent out glitchmon #C9, at level 32, just like trainer 249 did. After a couple Ice Beams, it went down. There was something odd about this trainer, though. I mean, even ODDER than what was already a pretty messed up day. Instead of commanding their pokemon to fight, they used an item on them-- Guard Spec. They did it every single turn, though. They never gave the command to fight, they just kept dumping more of that medicine on their pokes. 

I can’t begin to imagine why. How could I know what went on in the mind of a glitch trainer? I could hardly even make out their face, let alone guess what they were thinking. But the battle continued like this, first with C9, then with Mr. Mime, Rhyhorn, Lapras, and Lickitung. Finally, the trainer ended with a Missingno. All of them had been at level 32, and none got a single shot off. I was starting to feel a little bad about fainting them like this.

Then the trainer put away their pokeballs and looked at me. Slowly, so slowly, they opened their jaw. 

In a very small, scratchy voice, I heard them speak.

“ 5 6 E R R O R”

I backed up a little, nervous. I didn’t understand what they meant. They thrust their arm forward, pushing some money at me. It took forever for their fingers to uncurl around the wad of cash and drop it in front of me.

Then, the entire world turned on its head.

I . . . . I don’t know what happened. I was suddenly inside some bizarre building. It felt familiar, but also completly alien. A man was staring at me from across the room for a moment, and then he vanished. 

I realized I felt very, very strange then. I tried to look down at myself. I . . . I swear to you, Professor, I didn’t have hands anymore, or legs, or even a body. I . . . I was . . . a ball. A pokeball. And I was rolling across the floor.

In my panic, I desperaly tried to move. I found I was able to adjust the direction of my roll, moving to the left or right, but I couldn’t completely stop my momentum. I tried to cry out, but I couldn’t speak. Then, I felt myself bump against something familiar. After a moment, I realized what it was: my GlitchDex. Despite the way my body was, I tried using it.

The world melted into pure chaos, twisting and writhing all around me, shapes, sounds, sensations, lights . . . like some sort of entirely disjointed, illogical nightmare. Yet, despite everything, despite the world falling apart all around me, I was still scrolling through the screen on my GlitchDex. I clicked on my Trainer Card to display.

I wondered how I could see without any eyes or a body. Was I . . . inside a pokeball? Was this how pokemon felt when they were inside one? Could they have vague senses of what was going on outside the ball? I could see my Trainer Card, distorted though it was. I tried something else, to access my pokemon menu. Maybe they could help me?

I reached out . . . but, then, only blankness followed.

TRAINER #254 

Somehow, after that nightmare, I woke up in front of the Pokemon Center, and everything was normal again. A little shaken up, but otherwise, everything seemed to be in one piece-- and in the right order. 

I wasn’t too terribly eager to continue my work after that, but I knew I had 2 glitch trainers left to try. If I wanted to finish the collection, I had to press on.

So I met with trainer #254. They seemed to be terribly similar with trainer #248. ZZAZZ was in full effect. I had learned during my experiences that if I threw a pokeball, these trainers would get upset and just leave me alone, so I ended up doing that again. After the trainer stomped off, though, I felt very dizzy and unwell. I checked my pokemon party to see if they were OK, but the GlitchDex didn’t display them. I took a few steps along the Nugget Bridge, thinking I would head back to the Poke Center, but then I passed out. 

TRAINER #255

At long last, the final glitch trainer. This one (named 14S, apparently) was terribly shy. I attempted many, many times to battle  them, but they kept running away. Usually when I approached them, sounds around me became distorted and very odd sounding. Finally, after around 20 attempts, the trainer stayed still and was about to let out one of their pokemon. 

And then I fainted.

CONCLUSION

I realize now how long this e-mail has become. Sorry about that. Hope you don’t mind. But I felt it was appropriate to give you a very detailed record of all my experiments. Especially considering how many times I fainted in order to accomplish all of this. Now that I’m done, I plan on visiting Saffron City for a little R&R. I figure I deserve some rest after today.

I’ll write you after my little break.

-June

---

End Notes

Glitches mentioned/used in this post

* Glitch Trainers

* ZZAZZ

Click for the next part of the series!

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Dec 11, 2019.

[glorious-blackout]

Summary of Junior Doctor Life - Preparing for COVID-19:

I can now fully appreciate the phrase ‘Calm Before the Storm’. Throughout my Surgical Receiving shifts I only accepted eight calls from community GPs across all four days… for comparison’s sake, I would usually expect to receive eight calls a day. Our usually busy emergency ward remained half-empty, while cancellations of planned procedures meant the Elective Surgery ward was also quiet. The percentage of GP referrals that actually required surgery shot up - it was one of those rare instances where multiple people with suspected appendicitis actually had appendicitis. Visiting hours have since been slashed so the entire hospital feels rather empty. In a way it’s been surprisingly pleasant - I certainly had one of the most chilled Surgical Receiving blocks of any junior in history - but underneath it all there’s the uncomfortable knowledge that the peace will shatter within weeks. 

One of the GP referrals I accepted concerned a lady where the community doctor felt she might have cholecystitis (inflammation of the gallbladder). The GP was upfront about the fact that this lady had a fever, but that would be expected of cholecystitis and the story I was told seemed to support that diagnosis. What the GP neglected to tell me - and what we didn’t find out until the patient arrived on the ward - was that her symptoms were less of the ‘gallstones’ variety and more ‘I feel generally unwell and have a headache. Also I’ve just come home from Spain’. Ultimately we had to isolate her and test for COVID-19, and in the meantime I got my first experience of taking bloods in full protective gear (well, a surgical mask, gloves and a plastic apron - this is the NHS under a Tory government after all). Thankfully her test came back negative and her symptoms resolved with supportive therapy, but I had to resist the urge to send a very passive-aggressive discharge letter to the GP.

An unexpected (but welcome) feature of this outbreak is that our higher-ups have stopped pretending that spending a year trying to look good on our portfolio is worthwhile. Now, instead of having to log 60+ hours of teaching or convince busy seniors to supervise us examining patients/performing procedures, the prevailing attitude seems to be “If you can survive a catastrophic pandemic in your first year, you pass.” 😅

In a country where everyone from Prince Charles to Boris Johnson to random footballers can get tested on a whim, there are still no routine screening tests for NHS staff. From what I’ve heard it’s a struggle to get tested even once you’ve developed symptoms, and there’s zero options if we’re asymptomatic. Given the likelihood of asymptomatic carriers being a factor in the spread of infection, I can’t say I’m fond of the idea that we could be passing the virus on to vulnerable patients without realising it.

Our surgical wards have now been split into the ‘Green Ward’ and ‘Red Ward’, with suspected COVID-19 patients being sent to the latter until their test results come back. Of course, in typical fashion all the patients sent to Red Ward so far have been Negative, while the one highly likely COVID-19 case we’ve had was initially sent to Green Ward due to lack of symptoms. 

All of us seem to have resigned ourselves to the fact that we’re doomed to get the virus at some point. It shouldn’t be such an inevitability, but between the lack of proper masks and sufficient testing we’ve all learned to accept it and get on with our jobs. For the most part we’re pointedly ignoring horror stories of ICU doctors being hooked up to ventilators and focusing on the possibility of having a whole week off.

Had to explain to one patient’s relative over the phone that, in light of her self-isolating as a result of her child having symptoms, it probably wasn’t the best idea for her to come and see her very frail grandmother. It took far more convincing than it probably should have done.

For infection-control reasons, our work outfits have now officially been replaced with scrubs, which is lovely because it’s like working in your pyjamas. Though the increased demand does mean that getting some in your size is a daily struggle (one which the theatre nurses tend to win).

Our hospital is still very much in the preparation stage (we have a few confirmed cases, but not so many that we’re struggling), and as a result the whole place feels eerily quiet. One of the most bittersweet things to accept is the fact that the hospital as it is now - with its half-empty wards and quiet assessment units - is how it could have been all along if people weren’t so quick to abuse the service. We still have our emergencies of course - people still get heart attacks during a pandemic - but we’re a far cry from the bed crises we used to face monthly. I’m hardly naive enough to believe it’ll last and no doubt I’ll miss this feeling in a matter of weeks, but we all seem to be enjoying the peace while it lasts.

Having had four days off during the initial stages of lockdown in Britain, I’ve realised that my anxiety is actually worse when I’m at home. Perhaps it’s the sheer quantity of horror-stories and scaremongering present on the news and sites like Twitter, but there’s something to be said about the quiet determination of NHS staff. Our seniors have made no secret of the fact that this is an unprecedented situation and that we’re all treading unfamiliar, terrifying waters, but seeing them get on with their jobs and preparing as best they can has done wonders to alleviate my own feelings on the situation.

I’ve also realised that - despite the risk - I’m genuinely grateful that I still get to go to work. I’m well aware that it’s going to become extremely stressful very quickly and I’m about to face some of the most difficult months of my life, but knowing that I can be of some use during this mess is a strange privilege. 

As a sign of how quiet it’s been (and an indicator that we have too much free time on our hands), I arrived at work today to find that my colleagues had assigned us all ‘Breakfast Club’-style monikers earlier in the week. I’ll give you three guesses which one applies to me 😉

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

SSL Drama CD Hakuou Gakuen Student Assembly Translation Attempt

Anything I translate will be from Chinese~ and as I actually have this CD I’m probably going to eventually make an srt file for it.....masochistic enough to lol... My motivation to do anything unfortunately really takes a hit in the summer due to how I find it harder to focus during this season since I despise the summer months and the heat....as I’d be whatever the opposite of a snowbird is.  

Anyway the following is a translation that relies on me+alot of online translations and editing for 薄桜鬼SSL ～sweet school life～ 限定版特典drama CD, 薄樱学园学生总会 Track 1 of 3

Enjoys.

Hakuoku Gakuen Student General Assembly Track 1

Translation attempt by KumoriYami

Harada: hah.... The information has finally been sorted out.... Hijikata-san, how about having a cup of tea now?

Hijikata: No, but thank you. I still have lots to do and can't rest yet.

Harada: That is what I'm saying, but you can't push yourself too hard. If you become unwell, Hijikata-san, we'll have a mess here.

Hijikata: It's fine. My body's not as delicate as you think.

Harada: No, No, the saying is "even the strongest demon can get sick" [i hear oni in the file though the translation I found didn’t say it] I remember this time last year, on the day of the student general assembly, you suffered quite a bit from a cold.

Hijikata: Although you're right... anyway, is it really time to hold another assembly? It felt that we had one only recently. How quickly time flies.

Harada: Ah, Hakuou Gakuen always holds assemblies every three months. but... that student will always ah....

Hijikata: Do you have an idea?

Harada: On the subject of ideas, there is nothing to be said of the Student General Assembly itself, because it is an important activity to cultivate the students' self-dependence, It's just.... that the student council president is Kazama?

Hijikata: I know what you want to say. That guy made a lot of unreasonable demands at the last student assembly. There's no way to guarantee that he won't be doing that this time.

Harada: That's right. At the last student assembly something like this happened--

-flashback-

Kazama: Starting from tomorrow, implement a greeting campaign. My aim is to have students greet the new day in the form of morning greetings so that they can start their day with a happy mood. How about it? Anyone have any objections? This one/great one is very generous and can accept any objections. Oh~ it's seems that there are none, then this draft can be passed. Then according this motion, starting tomorrow, my wife shall come to my house to greet me.... 

[大爷 is how Kazama refers to himself based on the other translation but that sounds really weird in English to call oneself ‘uncle’ so I went with ‘this one’. I imagine it’s similar to Ore-sama but i didn’t really listen to the cd yet aside just clicking parts to speed through it]

Heisuke: Wait a moment! How did that motion end with going to your house to say hello. There's not even half a relationship!?

Kazama: Hmph. You actually say there is no relationship? Stupid Toudou. Of course there is one. It is natural for the wife to say hello to her husband in the morning.

Souji: in that case, I also hope that she can come to my house to greet me. Waking up the sound of a cute voice, sleepiness/fatigue will vanish at once.

Saito: Souji. That will make it difficult for Yukimura. Although I have no objections to this greeting proposal, the right to specifically target a candidate cannot be allowed.  

Hijikata: Saito is right. Although I think you rarely make any good proposals, originally this was to satisfy your own desires. How could this draft be adopted!

Harada: Well, just get rid of the draft, there won't be problems right?

Kazama: Wait! I'm not finished yet!

-End of flashback-

Harada: After that, we were still used by that guy for his "If there's a problem with my home, then have her go to the Student Council room to say greetings, there's no problem with that right" kind of boring complaints.

Hijikata: Except, if that's all there was to it, then what...

Harada: Correct/that’right. After that, it was a problem a hundred times more serious...

-Start of another flashback-

Heisuke: Raise your hand, raise your hand, raise your hand! raise your hand! (hai, hai, hai in the Japanese audio)  I have a proposal. What about having a radio program on campus/school broadcast at lunch time,? I've heard that students at other schools say that quiz shows/programs that play songs by popular singers will be very popular among students so I hope Hakuou Gakuen can also implement it!

Saito: Because lunch is also a break. If it's anything to excessive, it will affect the school's order. but if it is appropriate, it may be possible to implement it.

Souji: In that case, I hope I can be responsible for the contents of these quizzes... Maybe everyone unexpectedly will like it.(?)

Hijikata: Souji. You're not going to cause problems are you?

Souji: How hateful, Hijikata-san.  According to your words, it's like I'm causing trouble every time.

Hijikata: It's not like, it exactly is!

Kazama: oh~ just a few minor players (呵～～～区区几个虾兵蟹将???maybe ‘just you small fries’? got someone else’s translation as “having few minions”) I did not expect this idea to be so insightful. but I can't agree with a quiz program. (Instead of/in it’s place) this program, I will tell the romantic story of how I met my wife. I want to tell the entire school how good my wife is.....

Harada: ...That type of behaviour is ten thousand times worse than text message harassment/harassing text messages.

Shiranui: Don't deny it, ah. Listening to him repeat the same words everyday, I feel like vomiting.

Amagiri: It's not a joke, Shiranui. After Kazama-sama enters that crazy state, it is extremely difficult and troublesome to stop him.

-End of 2nd flashback-

Harada: ...This time, if that kind of proposal passes, it'll take us a lot of effort to get rid of it.

Hijikata: ....Yeah... the last student assembly, Kazama came and messed everything up which wasted a lot of time. The proposals we ended up discussing ended up being less than half the total.

Harada: ....I'll be thankful if this Student General Assembly can be held smoothly

Hijikata: My stomach's hurting now...

------

Happy Canada Day in advance since I’m going to be offline until after then~

P.S. if anyone happens to have some of the Drama cds, would you mind sending me a list if there any associated with Kyoto Winds (particularly the one with Kazama+Hijikata+Yamazaki, Saito+Harada+Sakamoto, or the Iba+Souji+Sanan on their discs), Edo Blossoms/華之章 (暴風雨夜中 but i don’t know what it’s from), or Yuugiroku and its associated titles.

i’ve got a list of at least 42 cd dramas/short stories/etc. that I think I want to eventually try translating this year (and beyond lol hahaha i’m usually not this fast at doing anything that involves reading Chinese and these took me two weeks on and off with translating and editing since I haven’t been particularly motivated to work on music transpositions right now) and I do think having audio for some of them would be nice in the future if possible... though not any time soon given the length of the audio files I did find on youtube.  

P.S.S. If anyone can find a translation of  the 薄桜鬼 ドラマＣＤ ～新選組鬼譚～ in Chinese send it to me! (it’s the one with kazama, shiranui and amagiri featured on its cover and the interview I read about it said that it does focus on the oni which i seriously wanna hear and it was one of the cds i actually looked to purchase despite my inability to understand it)

[askcarlyle]

[A contribution (in conjunction with @askbarnum) to FanFicFeb on @theothersidediscord for Prompt #1, "First Meeting". Edited from the live version, which took place on server last night.]

Carlyle

swirls the amber liquid in his glass and looks around the cozy tavern, which is almost packed to capacity with the majority of the troupe in attendance

Thank you all for being here tonight to celebrate our anniversary. If one can even call it that...

from behind the bar, a gruff voice issues -- "I've poured liquid courage at enough first dates to recognize one when I see it, fellas."

...right. As I saying, thank you for being here to mark the occasion of our first meeting...

Barnum

Downs the last half of his finger of whisky and elbows Phillip in the arm as Lettie pours him another

It was a date, not a meeting. We had drinks. I charmed you into coming away with me. Listen to the bartender. I planned that date for days.

Carlyle

frowns and tosses back drink before raising a hand to dispute

A "date" implies previously agreed upon arrangements by both parties. We hadn't ever spoken before that night. We hadn't even been in the same room before that night.

Barnum

Well before we entered the bar we spoke. I asked you if I could buy you a drink and you said yes, that was an agreement. It is the oldest method in the book for requesting someone's company on a date.

pokes another peanut into his mouth before tossing the shell at Fedor playfully. The other man tossing back a whole handful from the ones he was eating.

Drinks, small talk, seduction, then an agreement. You had been making eyes at me since the moment I introduced myself.

Carlyle

snorts and throws another peanut at Barnum

If that's what you call trying not to be blinded by your scarf's loud paisley pattern.

Barnum

frowns teasingly

Hey, that is my favourite scarf. You just don't appreciate real fashion. It is eye catching. Besides, who other than young children dressed by their mothers wears matching scarves and hats?

Sips his drink thoughtfully

I suppose admittedly while it might have taken a few drinks and some charming words to seduce you, you had me wooed much faster. From the moment I spotted you at my daughter's ballet recital.

Carlyle

coughs and puts down drink

Ballet recital? You don't mean that night at the concert hall with my cousin's dance academy...

God, their champagne was weak.

Barnum

Chuckles as he breaks open another peanut, waving a dismissive hand

Yes well, somehow I don't think they were trying to promote the parents and carers getting drunk. It was also 6pm when it finished and during the course of that evening I saw you down twelve glasses. Your mother looked very embarrassed, it was more entertaining to watch than the company I was forced to socialise with.

Carlyle

ducks head at the memory, both in amusement and bemusement

Admittedly, I can't recall much about that night's attendance or who I spoke to. You were really there?

Barnum

Tosses the peanut in his mouth, keeping his eyes on the other with a teasing grin

Of course I was. It was Caroline's first recital, she had the lead in the first and third number. I spotted you at the afterparty, you did rather stick out like a sore thumb. The only man in the place under 35 I'd wager. Took no more than a few moments to figure you out; single man with no kids, you were dressed up too smartly to not have a career and yet it couldn't have been anything extremely well paid because you seemed to be living with your parents. Alcohol problem, and you looked bored.

That is why I knew straight away you would be easy to snatch up as a business partner. Boredom is truly the worst illness a man can fall victim to, he would do anything for a cure.

Carlyle

raises an eyebrow

That sounds thoroughly disreputable when you phrase it like that. So it was a business meeting, you agree. And in turn, I will admit that it was difficult not stare too openly when you introduced yourself later. I'd thought the larger than life persona was only for the stage.

Barnum

That did sound a lot creepier coming from my mouth than I had expected. Perhaps that is enough drink for one evening.

Pushes his glass away with one finger. Turning his full attention to Phil

Whether intentional or not as a romantic affair, it was still very much a date. I was married. Things were complicated.

beams in pride at the comment, leaning back slightly on his stool

I am quite the diamond in the rough of the public. You had your charm too, it's not often that men have a bit of bite to them. You had the snark and attitude of a young me. Admittedly I think I was near as infatuated with you as you were of I by the end of the evening. Perhaps it was the alcohol but the way you danced and those tight trousers had me losing sleep for days afterwards.

Carlyle

glances at glass and puts it back down as well

If every offer of a drink I agreed to in life came with that intent, I would have been called something a lot harsher than scandalous.

considers

I suppose some interesting thoughts might have crossed my mind when you were up on that table. To be candid, I was half tempted to stuff a $5 note down your shirt and ask for an encore.

Barnum

Frowns, creasing his forehead

I am a businessman not a cheap street walker. I would have charged far more than $5 for an encore. Though if you had batted your eyelashes enough I may have offered you a complimentary lap dance.

Carlyle

laughs and leans into Barnum with grin

A paragon of self-respect and generosity! I swoon to consider what showing an ankle might have netted.

Barnum

puts a loving arm around Carlyle and presses a kiss to the top of his head

Do you have any idea how many laces and buckles are on these boots? It would have taken me a good fifteen minutes in that state of alcohol indulgence to have flashed you an ankle. You'd have gotten bored and lost interest before I had gotten through the first knot.

Carlyle

from behind the bar, the voice once again pipes up -- "Fifteen minutes would have been generous. You two fell over and passed out two minutes after shaking hands."

shoots bartender a warning look

I recall we danced for quite a bit after that. Didn't we? It's all a bit fuzzy.

Barnum

Squints thoughtfully

I am sure I distinctly remember getting up on the bar to do a celebratory dance with you. I think I was still quite within my limits. I wouldn't have passed out at the bar.

...Then again I am not sure I entirely remember getting home that evening. What I do remember is my hat smelling like vomit for days despite having no memory of being unwell. Perhaps some of the details of my recollection aren't entirely crystal clear.

Carlyle

bartender continues speaking "Mine are, unfortunately. You still haven't paid me back for getting those carpets cleaned, Barnum. And your friend there was slurring something about how your perfect harmonization during your duet was metatextually symbolic of your future relationship as a whole, whatever that means."

stares at bartender in confusion, then shrugs

Barnum

I am curious enough to want the truth from you and yet hesitant enough to ask whether you would deem it appropriate to share in front of my entire troupe.

Glances at his abandoned glass and makes the decision to pick it up again and down it in one go before locking eyes with the bartender once more

What other things was Mr Carlyle spouting that night?

Carlyle

turns to bartender, wide-eyed and suddenly uncertain

I can buy you much nicer carpets, you know.

Barnum

Beams in teasing excitement, putting a hand before Phillip's chest to push him back into his seat

The carpets will be paid for. Now tell me exactly word for word what Phillip said about me that night. Leave out no details.

Carlyle

New lamps. Gas ones.

Barnum

The bartender rolls his eyes, turning his back on them to keep scrubbing a glass. "You think I remember your interactions word for word? This was a long time ago , boys. I have hundreds of customers come through here, not just the two of you."

He puts down the glass, picking up another one "I remember you deciding on a deal between you both, and paying your tab. Mr Barnum tried to climb up on the bar and fell over the other side, then fell asleep on the floor behind the counter. Mr Carlyle did not seem to notice the disappearance of his friend and continued to talk to the empty seat next to him for a while, goodness knows what it was about. You did call him handsome a few times and it grew into a few less appropriate comments as you downed a last nightcap.

If I remember correctly, you both waltzed on my snooker table once Mr Barnum awoke, made a dreadful mess of my carpets, and the flowerpot I used to have in the corner, and the coat rack, and my only indoor lavatory, and then left. I believe Mr Barnum insisted on taking you back to his home."

Carlyle

scratches head

I do vaguely remember being tucked in, but thought was a dream.

glances around at the troupe, some of whom had been whispering amongst themselves

I'd like to see how precise any of your memories are after that many shots. I was barely able to walk the next day when we visited the circus.

Barnum

-Chuckles to himself cheerfully-

I do remember the next morning clearly enough. Charity woke me up with a bombardment of questions about why I came back at four in the morning carrying an unconscious Phillip Carlyle and put him to bed in the guest room, then passed out myself in the hallway. She was more amused than angry I think.

Refills his glass once more, then gives Phillip a friendly pat on the shoulder

You were on another planet that day. I don't think you took in a single word I said. It was very charming, you seemed to fall head over heels for Miss Wheeler and stumbled around like a bashful fawn all afternoon.

Brings his glass up for a toast

To eventful beginnings. I am so very glad you were seduced into joining me on that first date all that time ago.

Carlyle

holds up glass

To a very auspicious first encounter, and a night that we will never quite remember or forget.

fade to black

[maricruzhackler-blog]

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With a portion of as much as a thousand calories, these dietary dietary supplements have the necessary ingredients to maximize muscle good points and increase your weight (in muscle, not in fat). This mechanism advanced over times when food was scarce, and consuming rather a lot was the one strategy to retailer energy for lean occasions. It is advisable to supplement with whey protein powder after workouts to aid in efficiency and recovery. Join 100,000's of mums on the 28 Day Weight Loss Problem. In the single pollutant model (Table 4 ), there were gentle results of CO on skeletal muscle mass and body fats mass, with an identical sample to the consequences of PM2.5. The two-pollutant model was due to this fact adjusted for the confounding effect of co-pollution (Desk 5 ). The effect of PM2.5 on body composition was consistent even after adjustments for the co-pollution. Taking it for as few as 5-7 days has been proven to considerably increase lean body weight and muscle size. All of it has to do with what is in the very best muscle constructing dietary supplements. It is also perfect for bodybuilders and different athletes who are looking to break through their muscle and power coaching plateaus. The Dukan weight loss program is a high-protein, low-carb weight reduction diet split into four phases — two weight reduction phases and two maintenance phases. I discover that from a cognitive fatigue standpoint and my hefty amounts of family time, work and travel, I can really only handle a most of about six completely different workout options"—three for when I'm at home and three for journey. This weight loss workout plan consists of both cardiovascular exercise and resistance coaching The secret is to blitz fat, which implies to burn as many energy as you may. I may even eat gluten free crepes in a cafe and shed some pounds. Your body can then use fatty acids and ketones in the absence of carbs as its main vitality source. It also aids the physique's immune system which helps muscle mass recover sooner. Some of these benefits embody the body's capacity to better take up important vitamins which regularly ends in extra successful weight gain. People who find themselves also having a tough time gaining weight due to their low-calorie consumption, they are going to often benefit from mass gainers. Finally, this could lead to vicious training classes, enhance in muscle mass and explosive lifts. For newbies and extremely-slim individuals it more difficult to achieve weight with simply whole meals as they don't offer sufficient calories to get the desired beneficial properties. If you happen to join "auto delivery" of HMR Products as a part of certainly one of HMR's structured Remote Programs, you will be required to acknowledge your assessment and understanding of this important well being information, together with exclusions to participation in the Remote Packages for well being-associated causes and likewise makes use of and disclosures of private info made via the Telephone Program. On this plan, you possibly can eat good meals till you are full and still lose a ton of fats. With cardiac and most cancers cachexia, the loss of muscle mass is a vital determinant of survival ( 14 , 18 ). Sarcopenia, the progressive loss of muscle mass and performance that occurs with growing old, is a widespread syndrome that has a devastating effect on quality of life and finally survival ( 19 ). Progressive sarcopenia is in the end central to the development of frailty, an increased likelihood of falls, and impairment of the flexibility to carry out ADL ( 19 ). The logical endpoint of extreme sarcopenia is loss of high quality of life and ultimately institutionalization. Avoid going through a mass gainer supplement weight loss plan for a long time. Intention for a physique mass index of 23 to 25 Being obese will increase your danger for diabetes, metabolic syndrome, and hypertension, which ends up in vascular disease and mind damage. Bodybuilders often discover that it's simpler to keep up their present ranges of muscle mass than it is to achieve these size features within the first place. Steamed edamame pods make an excellent snack on their own since they're low in fat however filled with filling protein and fiber. Solely delicate circumstances of gastrointestinal disturbances are noticed - normally the bloating attributable to the intake of gluten-wealthy gainers (this refers to gainers that have a plant-derived protein). A valuable ingredient can also be odorless caffeine, which affects the quicker burning of fats and enhance stamina during coaching. eighty grams of protein per serving is among the greatest in school. But it illustrates the principle of progressive overload utilized in effective training packages like StrongLifts 5×5 Gradually rising the weight stresses your body and muscle tissue. Eating a weight-reduction plan high in protein will also enhance the muscle mass within the body which will boost the metabolism and burn more fat. Lean mass gainers and protein powders even have totally different capabilities. Since intense exercising burns up a lot of the body's protein reserves to create a protein imbalance, you want mass gainers to re-set up this balance. As it's potential to stop bone loss by timely calcium consumption and magnesium dietary supplements, combined with weight-bearing reasonable impact exercises and strength training with weights, additionally it is potential to counter muscular weak spot. The opposite distinction between this and my current, extra home-made plans to shed weight is that this time I think I really need to lose some weight. Take the time to analysis, and be sure you are using your supplements effectively and in a productive approach. The primary purpose of the diet is to drive your body to make use of extra fat for gas as an alternative of utilizing carbs as a predominant source of vitality. If you are allergic or delicate to take advantage of or whey or are vegan, selecting a soy or rice protein would be the way to go. While it would not have as much protein as whey, it is an amazing substitute if you're not getting sufficient protein each day. It has a very similar nutritional profile to our runner up choose, packing in 28 calories per teaspoon, plus a variety of vitamins, minerals, and wholesome fat. A low-carb food regimen refers to a weight loss program that contains much less of carbohydrate-containing foods, and more of protein, vitamin, and mineral-containing foods. This is a gluten free pre-and publish-workout mass gainer powder. Some among the energetic components used for the preparation of best supplement to build body mass and achieve weight include withania somnifera, crocus sativus and carnica papaya. Once you exercise, you injury muscle fibres, which is a good factor. Yes and no. Supplements usually are not the key to successful your first bodybuilding show or stunning your pals whenever you rip your shirt off but they will make a 10% distinction assuming you might have your food regimen, coaching and life-style dialed to the correct station. The True-Mass protein formulation is designed help help recovery from laborious training classes whereas adding the caloric help you need for weight achieve. From best mass gainer, protein supplement , amino acids to energy bars, has it all coated for you. Muscle mass is a time period for the bulk of muscular tissue in a person's physique. MuscleBlaze Mass Gainer XXL with Complex Carbs and Proteins is a veg product. Skeletal muscle is the most seen and instantly contributes to strength and power. No human studies have investigated tongkat ali's advantages for muscle development, but it may assist to complement an train regimen. Most muscle groups can sufficiently get well in roughly 48 hours so working them each different day is an effective place to start out, hence why most beginner whole physique packages are based on a 1 day on, 1 day off setup. They are well known within the bodybuilding group and trusted for his or her superior merchandise. Taking supplements is useful if you're not doing well in following the food plan plan. The secret is consuming them solely occasionally, and balancing them out with more healthy meals and extra physical exercise. Facet Effects: Brief-term memory loss, fuzzy considering, sedation or next day hang over, mood problems (anxiousness and despair), flu-like signs, muscle aches and pains, and in-coordination (clumsy). Muscle Milk accommodates both sluggish and fast launch proteins, so it promotes a positive protein stability within the physique. You're switching train earlier than the muscle development kicks in. Nevertheless, the most important factor is likely your whole every day protein consumption moderately than whether it comes from meals or dietary supplements ( 3 , four ). That's one of many final issues that it wants to do, as body fat has been our survival blanket through occasions lengthy before supermarkets existed. You need to be skeptical of all supplements that claim that will help you build muscle sooner. If you're searching for a healthier mass gainer various this could possibly be in your shortlist. It's endorsed that 8 to 10 strength training workout routines are completed 2 or more days every week. Realizing methods to calculate your lean body mass additionally helps you determine how a lot fats you need to lose and what your physique fats proportion shall be after that. This amino acid is naturally produced by the liver and will increase ranges of carnosine (a protein building block) within the muscle, according to an International Society of Sports activities Vitamin (ISSN) evaluation printed in July 2015. The truth is, most of us begin shedding muscle round age 30, with a three- to 8-percent discount in lean muscle mass each decade thereafter. Best weight gainer supplement improves the energy stage and supports the general well being of individual. Mass Excessive is absolutely the number one of supplements for constructing muscle mass. It incorporates prime quality protein and non-fat calories from specially processed complex carbohydrates that present sustained launch of energy for muscle building. Nonetheless, greater-carb merchandise might be helpful for highly active individuals who wrestle to realize weight. Excessive calories and wealthy proteins increase muscle improvement. Beginning weight training and gaining muscle can also disguise your fat loss. I own a eating healthy website online with great tips and information that is designed that will help you stay a healthier and longer life. If you want to build muscle mass quick, ideally you'd want to consume 2 - three grams of carbs for every pound of bodyweight a day. Beta-alanine is an amino acid which is changed into carnosine within the muscular tissues. A lot much less benefit from gainers is noticed in advanced bodybuilders and those that are primarily thinking about increasing muscle mass. Preparing buttermilk from low-fat milk incorporates 100 calories and 2gms per cup. In case you intention to eat less ultra-processed foods and get your diet from meals comprised of meals which were minimally processed or not processed in any respect, then you definately'll find that fat loss and muscle building are that much simpler to achieve. Nicely, first of all, if you want to bulk up, achieve weight, and build muscle properly, then it is advisable be consuming at a calorie surplus. MuscleTech Mass Tech Performance Sequence - 7 lbs is suitable for laborious gainers and people who are unable to achieve weight despite many efforts. He has devised this week-lengthy weight-reduction plan which uses nuts and muesli that will help you lose up to half a stone whereas nonetheless providing your body with everything it wants. Which means discovering a mass gainer with the right amount of energy, the correct ratio of carbs to protein, and other key options which can be crucial for constructing wholesome muscle. Dietary supplements alone can do nothing, you need to follow your correct weight loss program plan and coaching program together with it You need the correct amount of training as well as the weight loss plan to go together with the training. In-Between Meals: Consume one shake of MuscleBlaze® Mass Gainer XXL in-between meals to help a excessive caloric food plan for a sustained calorie provide for long hours. For each men and women, protein, either whey or rice, is the most effective and important complement for building muscle. Add to that 32 nutritional vitamins and minerals, and suddenly this complement becomes an all-in-one for physique composition and well being. Proteins and different muscle building parts will enable you heal faster from the micro tears that lifting weight produces. Nevertheless, it doesn't work the opposite manner: an increase of Lean Physique Mass isn't at all times a rise in muscle. A great multivitamin is worth investing in and never something we buy generic at Costco, principally as a result of the generic multivitamins like Men's One-a-day lack all the extra ingredients to assist muscle progress, like extra B nutritional vitamins, correct dosages of zinc, magnesium and iron not to point out amino acids. Muscle mass and energy should not mutually unique coaching objectives, however the different strategies by which one may seek size and energy. This along with steady monitoring of outcomes will provide help to in attaining your ideal physique weight in minimal time and in a sustainable manner. Let me depend the methods: One, you will have nearly twice the protein of brown rice; two, your chewy texture and nutty flavor make every thing else within the bowl taste higher; and three, all that protein and fiber, together with advanced carbs and a small dose of healthy fats, hold my blood sugar steady. However there's something to remember that body weight isn't just all about fats, it's basically a combination of muscle mass, bone weight, fat mass, and physique water. Generally, mass gainers will supply 500 calories in a serving at least, but they'll have far more, ranging up to round 1300-1500. Gaining weight is a pure part of a healthy pregnancy. You should not attempt to make use of them as a shortcut, or take pre workout dietary supplements and not comply with up with actually figuring out. Here are three important herbs for building muscle mass. Dr. Lewis further elaborated that with this eating regimen one can reduce weight with out spending hours at the gym, with out giving up on any meals and also you would not have to depend calories as nicely. In case you are underweight, you doubtless wish to gain mass, but you also wish to guarantee that the majority of what you achieve is muscle. This excessive-high quality mass gainer protein powder is full of the optimum amount of protein, energy, BCAAs as well as nutrients. For example, girls menstruate, are likely to have much less muscle mass, and are able to getting pregnant and of lactating. Some people imagine that consuming protein supplements immediately after exercising will better help muscle development. You can look these up on related on-line marketplaces that stock various mass gainer brands, including plant-based mostly options for many who are vegan. It is so essential to know what meals you may be eating before you begin, and find out how to incorporate extra fats into your food plan," says Kristen Mancinelli, RD , writer of The Ketogenic Weight loss plan: A Scientifically Confirmed Approach to Quick, Healthy Weight Loss, who relies in New York Metropolis. As an example, this means that should you had been to drink a significant amount of water, sufficient to raise your body weight by one pound, this weight would technically be a achieve" of lean mass.

[the-penance-and-the-patience]

Getting to know my compassionate self and how it’s helping my recovery

Essentially when I think to as far back as I can remember, caring too much has almost always ended badly for me. Why the fuck would I want to nurture a part of me that always ended in profoundly intense and downright uncomfortable pain?

When I was little, during those CRUCIAL and FORMATIVE years of developing a sense of self, I cared a whole lot about what my sister thought. She was older and extremely cool so this was natural for a kid. However it ended in me never wearing what I wanted, being told it was too boyish and ugly, never doing dumb kid things on holidays because she wanted to kiss boys. Her opinion was of paramount importance, she was older, she knew better, right? 

Growing into pre-teen hood, I cared a whole lot about my parents wellbeing under the stress of my sister’s misbehaviour. I voluntarily suppressed and rebellion within me so they would be okay, I love my parents more than anyone in my life. I could not see them go through that twice. I helped them not worry about me by being the perfect student and daughter which at that point was very easy and natural. I didn’t realise I wasn’t listening to myself and my needs, not being compassionate to my desires. 

Caring probably too much about my first boyfriend meant “seeing him for his heart made of gold”..... I.e forgoing the acts of cheating and lying thinking that it was normal and fine and he was still a beautiful person whom I loved dearly. 

Caring a whole lot about teacher’s opinions in high school meant being that “tick-in-the-box” kinda student, where I managed to do everything right and succeed at school but never celebrate it in fear of coming across as too proud or too bashful. Always be humble. 

However at that point, caring so so much about all of the above never got me anywhere. I didn’t know that this was because I was forgoing caring about myself at the same time... I guess I just didn’t know how. I dunno. There’s no real explaining why it happened. However, caring about my sister’s opinions made me really damn sad at that age. I didn’t know that I could still do it anyway and be fine, she was my world. Caring about my parents being okay meant not fucking up much as a kid. I didn’t realise that oh yeah, my parents actually are superhuman and probably could have dealt with my fuck ups too. Caring about my boyfriend as much as I did much meant crying days on end. I didn’t know that I could function without him, I thought no one else was capable of loving me. Caring about school so much meant I literally had no fucking social life at all.... My brain just didn’t know balance or not giving a fuck and all those back doors that get you into uni degrees. So naturally, my entire being stopped caring and gave up on me.

I can’t quite pinpoint exactly when or how this happened. But I know it was around the age of turning 18. I wanted to lose weight for me, for no one else, I thought fuck all of you. This is something I want for ME. But very quickly I realised that through caring too much about others and their opinions, meant I didn’t know how to care about myself or how to treat my body with the compassion it deserved. Losing weight became about proving a point to the people who hurt me, I didn’t know forgiveness, it became another tick in the box. So I did it and I did it well, like fucking everything else. That was until it got out of control and took a hold of me. Before I knew it I was binging and purging in the form of over-exercise and my life was spiralling out of control, it was a complete out-of-body horror-show that fucked me up real hard guys, real real hard.

I put on a stack of weight, unable to counteract the bingeing. This was when I was slapped powerfully, with undeniable vigour across the face with my inability to delineate between what people thought of me and what I thought of myself. They were inseparable and this was very very, very bad. I couldn’t leave my room. I didn’t deserve to, I thought. Everyone would see what a mess I’d become. Do I even deserve to live in this world? I’m a burden on everyone around me. Society won’t accept me like this. I am an incapable lump consumed by how I look and other people’s opinions. 

I was diagnosed with my eating disorder and severe depression and that was kind of the beginning of me forcefully getting to know myself. Basically if I didn’t it was made very damn clear that I would never get out of this hole. It was either recovery or suicide to be completely honest. Luckily, there was a very teeny part of me (buried somewhere very deep and covered in layers and layers and layers of emotional walls built) that knew I had more to live for. 

That brings me here, 3.5 years after being diagnosed. I’m in “recovery” sure, but fuck. It’s still a journey everyday, and a conscious decision to respect my inner-most self. To really, really listen, no matter how faint it can be sometimes. No matter how much easier it often is to pretend I’m not still hurting and to just ignore that I have needs unique to me that need to be addressed. No matter how much easier it feels to conform to what society wants me to be and do. I mean I was socialised to do this after all, just like everyone else, I didn’t know it was going to have consequences. For so many people, they get to be what society wants and it just has no consequence. They succeed at becoming the stock image. They fit the mould. They go through life with not a whole lot of turmoil and don’t have to learn these lessons. That’s just life. I don’t hold resentment toward these people anymore. It just is. But for whatever reason, I got chosen to have my own personal early life crisis and I’m no longer able to not listen to my body. I’m no longer able to ignore my needs because if I do I end up back in a hole. A dark hole where suicide becomes a deliciously sweet alternative to waking up another day. 

And it’s because of all of that that I’ve come to the wholehearted opinion that this disorder is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. 

I know who I am right now in this moment. After three years of therapy I also know that this changes every single day and that that’s completely fine. The universe has a profound plan for me and if I try and control that, I’ll end up frustrated as all hell and upset that it’s not happening the way I want. I’ll also end up unwell again. Go with the flow kids. Controlling every little thing is unsustainable. It just is. 

I’ve learnt some of my passions. I’ve learnt that I will forever love expressing myself through the written word. I’ve realised a passion for education and am now pursuing a career in it. With no strict deadline or end goal, mind you, making whatever happens in the meantime much much easier to deal with. The universe has its own plan remember! I’ve also realised a love for moving my body to music that I spiritually and physically connect to. It is here that I feel pure, uninhibited elation, preferably barefoot. I can connect to the energy beneath my feet that mother earth shoots directly into my soul, I become one with the music and the movement of my body becomes unencumbered by thought. One day I hope to channel this insane love for music into learning an instrument as well, creating my own rhythms and beats, a musical manifestation of the insanity that is my mind. 

As mentioned in the headline. I’ve also, above all, learnt a whole fucking lot about what a compassionate person I am, that I care. I care a lot. I care about everyone. I care about all life forms and what I’ve been through has shown me if nothing else that no person or living thing, no matter what a seemingly perfect life they might have, is indestructible. It’s opened my eyes to the reality of others’ suffering and my own. I feel pain deeply and intensely. I’m sure everyone does when they really get to know themselves, but what came with this feeling was also training myself to understand that feeling pain is not bad nor good, it’s life. It was this lesson particularly that has allowed me to be okay with caring so much. Before, when I felt pain as a reciprocation of caring so much, I wanted to fuck it right off. Now when I feel pain I acknowledge that this makes me more truthfully and unashamedly human than anything else. When I let the feeling overwhelm me as it should, I know exactly where it resides and this can be different for everyone. It conjures deep within my chest, and I have to consciously recognise and connect with this in order to let it be and do its thing. I know it will eventually subside. Truly connecting with this pain has helped me realise the capacity for empathy in ALL beings, if only we truly connect. This is an ongoing practice for me. Time and time again I want to squander this feeling with self-destructive behaviours, but I need you to hear me when I say that letting it wash over you and do what it needs is more satisfying than any coping mechanism out there.

This battle has thus shown me that no life form is better than any other life form and to progress as a race we need to understand that. We are all susceptible to pain and suffering and the more we realise this about one another, the closer we will come to finding harmony and oneness. But unfortunately on the flip side of this, I’ve also come to realise that until intense pain and suffering is realised, it is near impossible to empathise with another’s. 

As mentioned, my chosen method of self-destruction is food. I would shove excessive amounts of it into my body, knowing full well how it would make me feel after. Goddamn awful. And it was always the same foods, you know the ones, they elicit that artificial high that makes you feel better for a little while, just like a drug, in order to squander pain. Or these kinds of food just make you feel bloated and generally awful. Interesting. In the process of truly getting to know myself I found ways to obtain a natural high away from food. Did I need these foods at all now I was discovering healthy coping methods? I began tentatively looking into what I was eating, taking note of how it made me feel. I would still binge, but be more observant about it. I began thinking about my new friend compassion, the compassion I have for all life forms, the compassion I was starting to feel for myself.... 

Then one day, it all culminated into one profound realisation. It wasn’t random. Everything I’d learnt led me there. In order to truly connect with my inner-most wants and needs and feel more established natural highs, derived from a satisfied soul, I needed to fuel my body with foods that will not inhibit such a connection. If I take an animal’s pain and suffering for example and ingest it into my body each day...  Well firstly this is normal. I was socialised to eat animals. Then I learnt how addictive it is, providing my body an with an artificial high when ingested in large amounts. On my journey towards empathy and compassion this began to feel immoral, disgusting as I began to come to terms with the pain and suffering these animals go through... For the sake of human entertainment/satisfaction/taste buds. But surely some of these animals have been treated okay? That’s why I started off vegetarian. Also because of course I worried that I wouldn’t eat enough and inevitably binge. I went and saw my dietician and explained that my journey had led me here and that I wanted to make the choice but at the hands of a professional. She helped me and already I noticed a difference within a week. It was like my body was giving me a hug, acknowledging how much kinder I was suddenly being.

This went on for around three months. I was still eating dairy etc. Then came the natural progression to learning about veganism. Why did I think dairy was still ok? The more I researched the more I realised that if anything, dairy was probably the least okay. But how did I know this would not just become another obsession used to control everything? Would I end use this to lose weight? I asked myself these questions truly and deeply before coming to my decision. I had to know that this was a choice made out of compassion for all living souls, despite differing intelligences allowing some lives to exploit others. No one should have to endure excessive pain and suffering. This was why. I care. I unashamedly care about these lives, this was not about my own self-destruction and deprivation. 

But look at what I’ve learnt. I can get natural highs. I don’t need that lethal combination of dairy and sugar or the ingestion of pain and suffering via animal products. I’ve learnt what an insanely truthful, soulful and spiritual connection I now have to my body that is my vessel. Now that it’s been rid of the animal products ingested and consequently their immense trauma experienced before death, I have access to a part of myself I never did before. This cannot be a coincidence.   

I can’t help but feel like everything i’ve been through has led me here. I cannot stress to any eating disorder sufferers out there how much this is NOT about weight. Heck I will be a fat vegan for all I care. This is about connecting to my inner-most self in a way that nourishes my body instead of destroying it. This is about respecting the rights of all life forms to live and exist just as we do. No living vertebrae is better than any other. If our world and our human existence is to be compatible with the extraordinary wonders of the planet earth we need to exist harmoniously. The agriculture industry is LITERALLY taking over our planet, destroying our oceans. I’m not gonna get preachy about that shit but please go and educate yourself... Watch Cowspiracy, watch Earthlings, these documentaries expose the reality of our world. We need to eliminate this huge disconnect between the meat in our supermarkets/fast food chains and the beautiful animals and lives that are destroyed in order to get them there. It is the same life. Just packaged and advertised in a way that makes you forget. 

This is where I’m at. I’m not perfect. But this is my choice, to honour and respect myself and every living soul as best I can through education and through knowledge. Love, compassion and understanding, please lets connect again.