#i wish i could appreciate where i am more but im just so tired. and too poor for this. im tired of having panic attacks about money

[popsicle-stick]

alexa play take the long way home by supertramp.......................

[leafostuff]

Private Appreciation [FT. TripleS Nien]

Tags: smut, established relationship, slow stripping, body worshipping, cunnilingus (at least an attempt lol)

Author's Note: quite short but it was fun writing, really into Nien lately so i had to write something about her, it does count as my September upload

I have been feeling a bit down lately so it took me longer than expected to finally finish the smut (started writing in 20/8/24), i hope yall enjoy it even though the end may feel a bit rushed.

=================================

“Baby…im horny”

“Nien, what the fuck?”

Honest question: was this the appropriate time for such a saying?

you and your girlfriend Nien are cuddling on your couch, watching some random romcom movie on a saturday afternoon, you would've gone outside and had a normal date but today your laziness was next level so you decided to stay at home, it's not like it was gonna get any less hot.

And here’s Nien, telling you the most random thing you heard this week (and for the time you know her, she said a lot of random things) during a movie where it's not like there is a sex or kissing since its was only the first 25 minutes of the movie, so there wasn't anything to trigger her.

“What do you mean ‘what the fuck’?” She whines while her eyes look as tired as ever. “I am feeling hot, wet and it's sure as hell not making it easier for me with all of the sexual tension going between them” she complains while pointing at the screen.

“They are just… flirting” you say, a bit confused

“And?! I can tell 30 minutes from now they are banging” she annoyingly added while her hand goes to grab some popcorn, cutely munching on it.

“Nien are…is it that-”

“NO ITS NOT THAT TIME OF YOUR MONTH” she responded, now angry at you. “I am just horny, and wet, and i need you RIGHT NOW,” she explains.

“In the middle of the movie though?? I already paid fo-” You wanted to ask when suddenly Nien leans forward to capture your lips and quickly releasing, leaving you surprised.

“Please jagi…?”

Its unfair how weak you are to her, the pleading puppy eyes that look at you with glimmer in her pupils, her innocent and sweet smile that will one day will be the cause of your death, and her nickname for you that sends tingles to your brain to switch into ‘yes’ mode almost automatically for her.

You sigh in defeat, its not like you couldve changed her mind anyways.

“Ok babe…lets do it” you say

“Yayyyy, thank you baby” she responds, pulling you into a tight embrace. “You are the best, you know that?”

“Brat” is the only word you can think to yourself when you see how happy she is as you cant help yourself but lean in and mesh your lips with hers engaging in a slow, lazy yet very sensual makeout session.

It's quite clear how much both of you enjoy this, making hums and quiet whimpers in between each kiss while your hands roams around each other’s back. Slowly you could feel Nien slowly fall into the couch with you joining her as now you are on top of herz still focusing on the kiss.

Release yourself from the kiss and look at her. Wearing a pink tube top that shows her smooth belly and tiny navel in their full glory paired with denim jeans that make her look more curvy than she is, her eyes look directly into yours with a mix of excitement and arousal, so you ask.

“Bed?”

“No, on the couch” she answers, “don't wanna move” she lazily said with a wide smile, with that logic you won't look for any arguments with her.

“Okay babe… what do you want me to do?” You ask, in the end, it's her wish to do this so who are you to not let her have it her way?

“My tummy…kiss it” she cutely pleads, you know how important foreplay is for Nien as in her eyes, foreplay is the key for having the best time. So nod with a smile before lowering your face to be parallel to her belly, take one last look at her before planting your first kiss barely above her navel, sending tingles directly to her brain.

“Ngh..yes…” she hums in excitement while closing her eyes, seeing her reception to your first kiss was good you continue peppering kisses all around her navel. Sometimes giving a teasing lick that makes her elicit a quiet moan.

“My pants…Ah-baby…” she breathes 

“What about them babe? I can't read your mind” You teasingly ask, knowing exactly what she wants you to do with them but hearing her say it is part of the fun for you.

“Nghh…take them off” she instructs as you oblige, your fingers working diligently as each button of her jeans that you pop, you place a soft kiss directly to her belly button, after the last button is undone you lower her denim clothing down her thighs, revealing her white panties with a visable stain in the middle.

“You weren't joking when you said you were wet”

“shut up” she moaned, giving you a light smack on the head. “take the panties… off too baby".

“Should I continue kissing?” A simple question in which Nien just nodded, your hands now went to her panties, sliding them off slowly, letting the friction drive her insane as your girlfriend takes her hands and plants them on the back of your head.

Eventually, you leave her completely naked waist down, letting you see her soft thighs and her glistening sex without any obstruction as you could feel yourself get harder by the view. “What now babe?” You ask, waiting for your next orders.

“One hand on my thigh… and-” she stops for a second to release a small moan. “Kiss higher” It's hard for her not to sound needy, especially when you pleasure her midriff with only your lips and tongue.

But, her wish is your command.

So let your palm rest on her right thigh, knead and massage it to your heart's content, all to amplify her pleasure from you tenfold. Meanwhile, your lips travel up from her midriff, eventually stopping near the in-between of her two mounds.

A glance at your girlfriend and you know exactly what she needs as your free hand holds the hem of her top, slowly taking it off revealing no bra and instead a pair of boobs neither too small or too big, just the perfect size for you to let your face dive into the gap between her tits, savoring their sweet taste.

“YES…more….” Nien whines a breathy moan while you alternate between each mound, kissing and licking all around her nipples while her hands get inside the back of your shirt, gliding across your back in an attempt for her to be as close to you as possible.

This goes on for a while, you kiss your girlfriend’s entire body while she instructs you, telling you exactly how she wants to feel good from you, each correct action you follow causes Nien to moan loudly but eventually she pushes you away from her tits.

“What happened?” you ask, confused by the sudden push as she looks at you with a horny smirk.

“I want you to eat me out oppa”

Pause, Nien letting you eat her pussy out is something quite rare for her to suggest since she always felt it was a bit uncomfortable for her. Disagreeing with her request would be foolish of you so look down at her glistening pussy, waiting for you to devour it like your next dinner and let your face close between her thighs.

One last look at her grinning smile and you start

“Yess…” she hisses, your first lick sends tingles to her brain, causing her to wrap her legs around your head, meanwhile her hands grab your hair, trying to not lose herself in the haze, after that you let yourself run wild on her inner thighs and wet pussy with long licks and kisses.

She is still not close however, it is just the beginning for the both of you. So increase your pace slightly to raise the volume of Nien’s breathy moans let her thighs squash your face signaling how horny she is 

“I'm close baby…” it's not hard to tell, how her moans are getting higher pitch, how her thighs are clamped around you and how her grip on your hair is harder, it may hurt but you don't mind, both of you are close to your high.

Eventually you let yourself enjoy the main course since Nien finally let herself go, her wetness flowing out of her as your mouth salivates her sweet taste, meanwhile her left hand gropes her left breast to amplify her own pleasure audible by her sensual moans

Eventually her climax comes to an end, her last wave of cum comes out of her pussy into your mouth. Raise your head and see Nien, a panting mess after the high she has been feeling all this time as now she also rises up from her lying position now seated near you, hands wrapped around you and leans in to kiss your right cheeks.

“Thank you, i feel much better now”

“Anything for you babe” you respond, returning the favor with a kiss of your own. You were helping your girlfriend find her clothes when suddenly you heard sounds of moans coming from the TV. 

You forgot the movie was playing the entire time, the main couple were now making out, half naked and ready to begin their own endeavours for their orgasm.

“I CALLED IT!!”

=================================

Hope you have a good day leafies

[bippiti]

catalyst clc16 x rockstar! reader

after the release of your new album, life has been hectic as you've been running around doing shows. only problem is you seem to have only one person on your mind. little do you know he's having the same issue

an part two! any feedback is appreciated and please like + rb!

if you want a visual guide for the band .

part one next part

tags @bloodyymaryyy @guiseppetsunoda @maxverstappendefender @charizznorizz

yourig

liked by king, charles_leclerc and 42,836,364 others

yourig thanks for coming out london! nyc see you soon x

view comments

user ughh i wish i couldve come :((

yourig next time lovee💜

user sounded so good

user anyone else gonna talk about the album afterparty???

user who cares bro😭 theyre adults and tbh they would be a power couple

user right?! ive been thinking the same thing, shes not a good influence on him

user im sorry do yk y/n??? how would u know that lmfao

king looking good!

liked by yourig

user where is the fit from???

user i think vivienne westwood!

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-

you sighed, scrolling through your comments. it had been almost a month after your albums release, and some people still were bringing up the hug with charles. i mean, seriously it was just a hug. it wasn't like you guys had made out or anything.

both your label and ferrari were sponsored by celsius, and your management had met with one of ferraris pr heads. they had agreed to work together to promote the new album, and had picked charles because he was a fan of your music.

you clicked instantly on the first day of set, but it also helped that you spoke fluent french (you had an obsession with indila when you were younger and forced yourself to learn it) the lack of a language barrier, coupled with the fact that you guys had similar interests made it inevitable that you both would become friends.

after the album launch party, you were exhausted. you had woken up at 4am for promo shoots, and had been running around all day before singing your whole album (which was around an hour long) to the attendees. it was fun, and you wouldnt trade your career for the whole world, but man you were tired.

as you were heading out, you spotted charles and you both stopped to talk

"tu as bien fait là-dedans" he said, smiling as he pushed his hands into his pockets (you did good in there)

"merci! les heures de pratique m’ont aidé. je pense que je pourrais oublier les paroles si j’essayais" you smile as he laughed (thanks! the hours of practice helped. i dont think i could forget the lyrics if i tried)

"en pratiquant son art on devient artisan" (practice makes perfect)

you nod, turning as you hear your bandmate siobahn call for you

you look back to him, saying your goodbyes and quickly hugging him before running after her.

that was it. just a friendly hug. it's not like he liked you, and if he knew you liked him, you doubt he would still be friends with you.

-

charles_leclerc

liked by yourig, pierregasly and 305,387 others

charles_leclerc i won. maybe next time @/pierregasly 😘

view comments

user just realized pierre had a chance to fork the king and the rook in

user not y/n liking this...

user so cute😍

pierregasly i almost had it

charles_leclerc of course you did

user my fav french men

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-

after having checkmate charles sat back, smiling smugly as he looked at pierre try and fail to make a move. giving up, he raised his hands in defeat.

"quand vais-je jamais te battre?" he said sighing as he chuckled (when will i ever beat you)

"peut-être dans une autre vie" (maybe in another life)

scoffing, pierre changed the subject.

"so i heard you're with some rockstar these days"

"i most definitley am not"

"sure, sure. you might not be dating her but i can tell you like her"

charles paused, having a mini crisis. ok. so maybe he did like you. he couldn't help it, honestly. throughout filming ,and even after he had grown to really admire you. not only just as an artist, but as a person as well. he honestly hoped you'd be able to meet up afterwards, but he hasnt been able to see you since. between his preseason training and your concerts, you both are rarely free, let alone in the same country.

he told all of this to pierre, who listened quietly, nodding along before telling him his masterplan. he was gonna help him out, what kindve friend would he be if he didnt?

-

hearing the notification sound go off on your phone, you picked it up. your eyebrows raised as you read it

part 3??

[playingdxngerous]

guitar lessons

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI!! some impact play (barely, like almost not at all), degradation, teasing, talk of a safe word, handcuffs (in a way?? but not for very long), praise, a little fluff, fingering, masturbation, oral f! and m! receiving, penetration f! receiving

Word Count: 1822 IT FEELS SO SHORT AND RUSHED IM SO SORRY 💔💔 IT’S 2 AM IM SO TIRED

Hookups with Jake were not unusual. It happened more often than you wish to admit. However, today will be different. Today is a guitar lesson, and only a lesson. Nothing more, nothing less. Right?

.

.

.

As you begin to knock on the all too familiar door of Jake's house, he opens it immediately. He greets you with a bright smile, seeming genuinely excited to see you.

"Hey pretty girl," he smirks. Your face automatically gets hot, but you do your best to shut it down.

"Jake stop. We agreed just a guitar lesson today. That's it." You respond. He rolls his eyes.

"I know. Come in." He widens the door and locks it behind you as you walk in. The smell of pumpkin overwhelms your senses as you walk into the living room. A small candle is lit on the table, creating a comforting vibe to the area.

"Since when did you even own candles," you laugh. He looks at you and struggles to hold down his smile.

"Fine then," he blows it out. "Guess someone doesn't appreciate fall like I do." You can't help but stare at him. He is built with beauty. From his blue plaid shirt to his skinny jeans, everything about him is so beautiful. Today is going to be very hard to keep as just a guitar lesson when all you can think about it how badly you wish to kiss his perfect lips.

"See something you like?" He teases as he looks himself up and down.

"Bring me the stupid guitar," you laugh, trying to avoid the question as you both know the answer already. He walks over with a basic black guitar and places it in your arms while he sits on the couch beside you.

"Aw is your beloved too precious for me to play?" You say through a grin.

"You are so needy. We are never going to get anywhere like this." Nevertheless, he gets up once more and brings you his well-known Gibson SG. There's small chips and scratches along the paint of it, reminding you of all the times you've watched him absolutely destroy it on stage. All the times you've watched him pulse into it just like he does to you.

"So, what all do you know about guitar already?" He asks, breaking your dirty thoughts.

"Absolutely nothing."

"Okay great," he says sarcastically. "Guess we can start with chords then." He begins to give you finger placements which you try your best to follow. You fail of course, with it being your very first time even holding a guitar.

"Alright here I'll show you," he says as he grabs your left hand and places it correctly on the fretboard. You scoot closer to him and angle your body, your back laying against his chest. He grabs your right hand and helps you strum the strings.

"You're doing so good now," he says softly into your ear.

"As if you aren't doing all the work for me."

"Fine then I won't help you." He says as he pulls away from your body. His absence leaves your body cold, longing for his warmth.

"Wait no, come back I'm just kidding. I like your help." You pull him by the sleeve back to where he was. He sighs and starts to talk about another chord, yet all you can think about is him and his perfection. His cologne now becomes more visible with the scent of the candle fully gone. You take note of his calloused fingertips grazing across yours. His soft brunette locks touch your shoulder every time he leans against you further.

"Are you even listening?" He asks, bringing you back to reality.

"Yeah sorry." You apologze.

"What did I just say then?" You do your best to come up with a response, but there's no way you could even try to lie your way out of this. His beauty getting the best of you, you turn a little and kiss him. You remember all the promises to keep this just a guitar lesson, but deep down you know it's impossible with Jake Kiszka this close to you. He sets his guitar on this ground and grabs you by the hips. The passion in the kiss turns to lust as he runs his tongue across your bottom lip, begging to let him in.

The kiss gets deeper and deeper as time goes on. You run your hand down the buttons in his shirt and begin to undo the top one. All of a sudden he pulls away.

"You said just a guitar lesson and I don't want to make you do anything you don't-" he says before you interrupt him with another kiss.

"Fuck that Jake. I want you."

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"Very." You say shortly. He kisses you again, this one somehow even more powerful than the last few. You undo the last buttons, and he slides the sleeves off him arms.

"Just couldn't avoid me enough huh? Too wet and desperate for my dick?" He rasps, making you literally stop breathing. You've waited far too long to see this side of him again. His words turn you on, making you feel your cunt get wetter by the second.

"Holy shit your attitude changed." You breathe out heavily.

"Oh yeah? Should I stop then? You know you have a safe word pretty girl." He raises his hands to your tits, squeezing them softly.

"Please don't stop Jake. I need you so bad." You begin to grind against the crotch of his jeans, making a mess in your underwear.

"Let's go to the bed?" He asks, to which you nod and drag him by the hand to his room. He pushes you on the bed and you crawl back against the pillows. He kisses your thigh, stopping at the zipper on your jeans. He unzips them, and you help guide them off of you. You pull your shirt off, causing him to reach up and unclasp your bra. Throwing it on the ground, he immediately starts sucking on your tits. You squeeze your legs together in order to relieve some of the tension between them. He pushes them apart as soon as he notices.

"C'mon now, let's not get too fast."

"Please Jake, I need you." You whimper. To your surprise he listens and slides his fingers across your wet panties.

"Like I said before, you're always so, so needy. Begging for me like a little whore." He stops his hand and pushes two fingers against your hole, the fabric still covering it. "Say it. Tell me you're my whore."

"I"m your whore..." you whisper.

"Speak up sweetheart." He somewhat gently slaps your thigh with his free hand.

"I'm your fucking whore Jake please just fuck me already oh my god." He takes his hand away. "Please," you say nicely as you grab his wrist.

"Should I really? I think I'd prefer to watch you squirm and beg for me." He grabs your tits once more and sucks a hickey onto your chest. Tired of waiting, you reach down and rub your clit yourself. You moan and grab his hair with your other hand. He pulls away again to no surprise.

"That's not going to work sweetheart." He confusingly gets off the bed. "Don't you fucking move." He says, walking out of the room. He returns seconds later with a guitar strap in his hands. He steps over to you and ties your wrists together with the strap.

"Where did you learn how to do that?" You smirk.

"Not important," he says shortly. He finishes tying and kisses a trail from your lips to your soaked underwear. He slides his finger over your slit, still covered by the stupid fabric you wish you took off earlier. "This what you want baby?" He asks. You nod vigorously. He pulls the panties off, sliding his fingers once more. He brings them to your mouth, making you taste yourself. He then sucks on those same fingers before sliding two of them into you quickly. You moan as he curls them just right.

"I'm going to cum if you keep doing that." You say, yet immediately regret. He pulls out of you, edging you worse than ever.

"We can't have you doing that so soon my love. We just started." He moves his head down right after, licking circles around your clit yet refusing to touch it. You try to reach down and guide him, yet the guitar strap stops you. You grind your hips into his face instead. He actually lets you do this, shocking you to your core. The feeling of his tongue moving so smoothly against your clit sends chills down your back. The knot in your stomach burns even more, just begging to come undone. Jake notices and pulls away once more. This man will be the death of you.

"I said not so soon." He smirks. His starvation for you fills his eyes. He wipes his mouth with the side of his hand and undoes the guitar strap. "Touch yourself."

"What?" You're taken aback by his comment.

"Touch yourself like the slut you seem to be. So needy to cum so do it already." You reach down and rub your clit as he watches. He leans down and kisses your thighs. You move faster, to which he responds by sadly grabbing your wrists and stopping you. "You really think I'd let you finish that easily?"

"You're such a fucking asshole." You groan. He suddenly unzips his jeans, his dick hard already. He reaches in his nightstand and throws a condom at you.

"Put it on me." He demands. You slide it on him and pull back to let him fuck you. He immediately begins to pulse into you, moaning under his breath. "So hot watching my dick in your pretty pussy," he whispers into your ear. This sends you over the edge, finally allowing your orgasm to release. Your moans turn into yells. He pulls out of you to let both of you catch your breath. "Make me cum sweetheart." You turn around and sit on top of him. Your shaky legs straddling his waist. You scoot further down and pull the condom off, putting his dick in your mouth. You go as far as you can, your hands covering the rest of his length. You bob you head up and down, before he quickly finishes into your mouth.

"Such a good girl," he says, pulling you up by your jaw. He kisses you shortly. "My good girl." You kiss him lovingly, your hands moving up his neck and into his hair. "So pretty and perfect. You did so good."

"So much for the guitar lesson," you giggle. He pulls you in close and squeezes you.

"This was much better."

"Are you saying I suck at guitar?" You scoff.

"No!, he clarifies, "I was just aching to touch you the whole time."

"Mhm yeah, keep trying to defend yourself Kiszka."

"Fuck you," he laughs.

"Pretty sure you already did." You fall back into his arms, kissing his cheek as he embraces you.

[alilarew23]

hi! i just wanted to ask: is it possible to have a limiting belief that even though i have it in imagination i won’t get it in the 3d? because i’ve done everything right- fulfilling myself and dismissing the 3d as much as i can knowing it has to change but it’s been more than a month of this and i don’t know what more to do. i’ve done edward arts meditations and just experienced it, imagining what my life would be like after i received my desire, making pinterest boards, simply just “deciding” and reminding myself i do have it in my 4d

i’m so tired, i even validate myself and say no i do have it in imagination idk what else i’m supposed to do? i have clearly accepted i have it in imagination and i am being the person who has it but it shouldn’t take this long at all. i want results in my 3d, i have such bad circumstances and it just doesn’t seem to reflect even though i do know i have it.

please could you give me advice. thank you.

(would appreciate if you could help me asap because idk where else to go, im so grateful for your blog!)

hmmm it sounds like maybe because you’re dealing with shitty circumstances and are desperate for external change you may not be embodying the version of yourself who has your desire even though intellectually you know and believe you do.

this is a likely a nervous system thing - i can relate as i’ve struggled a bit with this in the past (ptsd stuff). hug.

here’s a question: say the “universe,” “god,” “source,” “imagination,” “your subconscious mind,” whatever you want to call it came to you this morning and said, “hi bestie i desperately want to gift you _____, but you’re blocking it.”

what are you doing/thinking/feeling that might be blocking it?

the answer that intuitively comes to mind is the right one. trust it.

for me, the answer is usually continued mental/physical strain and tension, which implies force, which is the antithesis of surrender/receivership.

you need to get into the energy of receiving.

for me this means softening of the body, quieting of the mind, and envisioning/feeling the wish-fulfilled as a lovely gentle constant pummeling, like you just keep receiving gift after gift after gift and you’re so unbelievably grateful.

you can even repeat something like, “i am calling in _____,” (even though really you’re expressing it, but that’s just semantics).

but you MUST lose the desperation, the physical/mental experience of lack, the awareness of time.

lose yourself in the state of receiving this week, and see what happens.

i hope this helps.

i do sense and trust you are doing your best. this, here, is part of your bridge. keep following your intuition. it is all working out for you. i promise.

love you!

[multiplicity-positivity]

hi uh i could use some advice :<

im a host of a recent system of 20-ish and guh i am t i r e d

im mainly looking for advice on how to switch or just retreat into the headspace/leave front or even just kinda stop being fully aware while still being in front for awhile bc id rlly like to take a break and the realization that im most likely front attracted/frontstuck is kinda making me more tired of being in front

also if it helps at all my(&) system is parogenic + traumagenic in origin (specifically parotraumagenic) and theres kinda iffy communication between members (some of them i have clear communication with and they randomly pop up to say stuff, some i have no idea where they are and some of them i can usually only hear when im directly interacting with them).

afaik (as far as i know) only three?? ppl have rlly "fronted" per se, and the rest have been co-con

i apologize for the long and mildly depressing ask but any help is appreciated also dont forget to hydrate

Hello! We have some posts that might help you that we’d like to share if that’s okay. The first is a post we wrote a while back with some tips on switching from our own experience:

We’d also like to share this post by @rin-and-jade on being frontstuck or frontlocked, and how to go about unsticking yourself!

Our own system host (Parker) is almost always fronting to some extent. It can certainly be exhausting and disheartening fronting nonstop, especially when other members of your system can seemingly come and go as they please. He’s going to put some info under a cut for how he copes with fronting constantly, in case you want some advice on coping with being genuinely unable to switch out!

We hope something here will be helpful for you! We’re wishing you the best of luck with switching out or at least learning how best to cope with fronting in your future!

(Host here - I’ll just write this bit if thats okay. Anyway here’s some stuff I do to deal with The Horrors of perpetual existence)

Meditation

Taking a few moments to sit in comfortable silence can be useful for me when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed or straight up exhausted. Here’s how I meditate (I’m no expert and I’m sure there’s better ways to do this… this is just what I do)

- get in a comfortable position in a quiet place where I’m not likely to be disturbed

- set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes

- close my eyes, focus on my breathing

- don’t dwell on any thoughts but also don’t push them away; acknowledge them and let them go

- try to stay still and calm until my timer goes off

And that’s it. Sometimes I get interrupted by an alter or something outside, but for the most part, this is how I’ve been able to meditate effectively.

Rest

I take naps whenever I can. I sit down whenever I can. I’ll literally just close my eyes for a few minutes whenever I can. Our body has issues with chronic fatigue, and fronting constantly can sometimes exacerbate our exhaustion. So yeah I am a huge fan of naps and will often set a timer for like 15-20 minutes and snooze whenever the opportunity arises. Even just lying down with closed eyes can help replenish some energy.

Distractions

Reading, watching something on TV, or playing video games can help give me somewhat of a break even if I’m still fronting. I do tend to try and keep us distracted as much as possible… sometimes to our own detriment. But if you find that you really aren’t ever able to switch out, or if your system is specutien and that’s just the way your system functions, finding things you enjoy that can serve as distractions may help you as well.

Saying No

This one’s tough, but I’m trying to learn to say no when I’m overwhelmed or have too much on my plate. This means sometimes I’ll cancel plans, hand off a responsibility, make a compromise, or turn down an opportunity if I don’t have the energy for it.

Honestly idk how much my addition can help you, but if you find that you’re not ever able to switch out at all please know there’s other folks out there in similar positions. Hoping you can make the most of your situation, anon /genuine

[singaporesainz]

You don't want charles to go to another team where he won't be the first driver. Remind me who is being given priority currently in Ferrari for better strategies? Who was gifted a Silverstone win last year while Charles was the one actually fighting for a championship?

You are saying Charles would not want to be in a team where he is not the priority of said team as if he has that right now in ferrari. This is his current situation. Except on top of being driver n.2 he also has a shit car that is not even suitable to his style of driving.

All I am saying is, would being second to Max in a good car be so much worse for him than being second to Carlos in a shit car?

this is a long one bc im passionate haha so under the cut!!

now i will admit that charles has been getting the short end of the stick when it comes to strategies– this year especially– but the team's incompetence is not carlos's fault. i say this all the time but i wish wish wish charles would fight for his own strategy more. beacause that's what carlos did in silverstone and what he continues to do in all his races. its what i appreciate about him as a driver-- is that he's so involved and sooooo annoying about all of it.

so if you think im gonna let that silverstone comment slide then you are incorrect. carlos was not gifted his silverstone win, that was him taking that race for himself– something charles would do if the positions were switched. and not nearly as many people would be mad if charles did what carlos did because its charles. (not just speaking about you but the general public haha). ferrari choosing to pit only carlos and not charles has nothing to do with carlos. what happened to charles and how that race ended was not ideal and in a perfect world charles would've also pitted for fresh tires and then this would've never been an issue. but ferrari is ferrari, we can't be surprised and we also can't blame carlos.

and i think you forget that fred has (without saying the words outright) named charles their no.1 driver. he said (and i remember so clearly bc it's a wound to my ego as a carlos fan) that he wants to win championships with charles and to work with carlos 😭 if that doesn't scream charles is no.1 then idk what does anymore. i think we can just agree that ferrari has just been a mess and can't seem to get together to be the team charles so desperately wants and needs. ferrari fails charles a lot. the car is also not great, and the developments and packages havent been working miracles like at mclaren. hopefully next year its better and charles can be back to fighting at the front of the pack.

so anyways to wrap this all up– i don't think being second to max would be bad but why should charles settle?? i dont think charles is the kind of driver that should ever be treated as a second driver. i think ultimately what needs to happen is ferrari just has to get it together and BE BETTER.

i could go on and on about this because ferrari is just soooooo grr sometimes but i dont wanna ramble on for ages. but if u wanna dm nonnie and discuss id love to poke your brain.

[alphawolfstabs]

Songs for Stuilly ‼️

Some of you may agree, some may disagree and that’s okay! This is simply for fun 💕 [albums and artists will be named for easier navigation] [format similar to Asher’s post!]

-

Take Me Back To Eden [Sleep Token]

• The Summoning

I feel like this is a given if you’ve ever heard This song-

“I’ve got a river running right into you, I’ve got a blood trail, red in the blue.”

This is Billy talking about/to Stu.

“You’ve got my body, flesh, and bone.”

Stu and his devotion to billy

“‘Cause these days I would be lying if I told you that; I didn’t wish I could be your man”

This could either be Stu to Billy, or Billy to Stu.

• Granite.

“If you had a problem, then you should’ve told me. Before you started getting all aggressive and controlling.”

STU IN THE KITCHEN SCENE.

“I was more than just a body in your passenger seat, and you were more than just somebody I was destined to meet.”

Billy as he thinks of Stu

•Ascensionism

This is so heavily only stu to Billy so these are quotes only about Stu

“Who made you like this? Who encrypted your dark gospel and body language?”

“Glitches in the code or gaps in a strange dream”

“Tell me you guessed my future and it mapped onto your fantasy, turn me into your mannequin and I’ll turn you into my puppet queen.”

“Won’t you come and dance in the dark with me? Show me what you are, I am desperate to know.”

“Blood stains on the collar, please just don’t ask. Be the first to feast, let’s choke on the past.”

“And I know what you want from me; you want the same as me.”

• Take Me Back To Eden

“My my those eyes like fire, I’m a winged insect and you’re a funeral pyre.”

Stu about Billy

“Come now bite through these wires; I’m a waking hell and the gods grow tired.”

Billy wanting Stu to see him.

Around the Fur [Deftones]

• Be Quiet and Drive (Far away)

"It feels good to know you're mine. Now drive me far away, away, away" "Far away and I don't care where. Just far away and I don't care where"

If they would've survived, this would've been billy too Stu.

Adrenaline [deftones]

• Minus Blindfold

"Grab my blue backpack, my walkman, grip my bicycle, Because I know my friends are waiting at the door; I'm feeling loose like you, just fucking around and shit"

Stu about Billy.

"No choice, Let me go, I get bored"

Billy because personally I think he's not too good with relationships, even when it comes to stu, because he knows how he is.

[there's probably more but im sleepy right now.]

[reblogs appreciated but not forced!]

[ @smashlovesscream ]

[tododeku-or-bust]

I read the ask you answered about being quiet/making noise in public spaces and the article you linked and I found it really interesting and I wanted to thank you for your insight, i am white and have grown up somewhere predominantly white and I still have the instinctual reaction of seeing people making noise as being rude, and I understand that a big part of that is racism, but another part that I genuinely wonder about is that when listening to music on your phone without headphones you take the option of quiet away, whilst when you're listening on your headphones you can still listen to music but others can have quiet. I feel like I'm really not getting the point here in why its preferable to listen without headphones when you could take others into account, like you can't play silence on headphones, you'd need noise cancelling expensive ones.

Im not talking about enforcing anything and people who call the cops on people for stuff like this is insane and dangerous. I don't think people are entitled to silence and endangering black people's lives over something like this is terrible. I'm asking more as a question of the cultural differences in thoughts about noise and existing in public, what is rude and what isn't. What is entitlement and what is considerate.

I'm sorry if Im being racist, it is not my intention but i understand that i can have biases that i haven't looked at closely enough that are harmful. That's also why i am asking this, to genuinely understand and get perspective

Lastly I just wanted to add that of course its not your job to educate me, i just noticed i wasn't getting further with this subject in my head, and if you want to i hoped you could offer your thoughts, they'd be much appreciated.

Some more explanation here

Ngl, I'm tired, so this answer may not be as full as you'd like.

No, I can't tell you why it's "preferable" to listen to music on a train without headphones. The reality is that the people who don't, likely just don't have any at that moment, otherwise they'd be using them. Yes, it's rude, no it's not dangerous, it's just a temporary inconvenience.

Also, ngl, people swear Bluetooth headphones are cheap but the ones I have, since adapters die easy ASF and I was constantly going through them for years, were about $189 at the cheapest (at least when I bought them). So I'm not sure where this "headphones are cheap" idea came from unless y'all got plugs I'm unaware about. Being poor is expensive, and I really wish people would do the reading to get that. Poverty and Eviction by Matthew Desmond are two good ones to start with.

Anyway, you're in the public- there's not going to be a full "silence" option, unfortunately. Not without policing, either from actual police, or from people themselves. And when people themselves start policing (as is often the case in white neighborhoods and white spaces, which is what that Silence is the Sound of Gentrification article was about) things are bound to get worse, specifically for people of color. Because what was an annoyance for you can become legitimate violence on our end. Because people clearly don't want to communicate their issues- they clearly don't want to say "hey can you turn that down". No, they feel like it should be Standard for things to happen the way that they want (which, is often a privilege for the White).

Perhaps that is something that you as a white person can start looking into and questioning amongst your own.

Well, you said it yourself- cultural differences. There is no one answer to this. Tbh, it would help a lot more of white people took the time themselves to be amongst people of color. To actually learn and listen and be in those communities. Having real friends of color. That's how you learn what standards those groups have, and what is enforced and what isn't. Because I get the feeling that if more white people did that, we'd have less of these conversations. There'd be an understanding of how your actions affected others far beyond the inconvenience of "music out loud".

Because we all know that it's not the silly tiktok playing white girls that people are really complaining about here to the point of aggravation. The entire argument is a dogwhistle and that's why I get so angry when "good white people" share it.

[dekusleftsock]

I think if hori wrote toga better more people would like her but he hardly gives a shit about her so her story and personality and thoughts are messy (as in badly written) and nonsensical. I wanna like her but you have to do a lot of leg work to make her interesting and worth the time and love, Hori doesnt love her enough to but a lot of effort into her, unlike the other two male villains who he wont shut up about. Togas always just been (for me personally) an underutilized, underdeveloped waste of what could have been a cool idea. The Anti-toga people are not unfounded in most of their criticisms (MOST), shes the only seemingly queer person and of course shes a lustful blood sucking pervert psycho murderer with no real depth.

(btw you are more than welcome to both ignore this and LOVE toga I am not saying for you shes not worth the time or energy, this is just me reflecting on her and how hori has treated her, i appreciate and value fanon and the effort fans will put into loving her, thats so cool and based, im glad you can find joy in something like that, for people who like her- I wish she was cared for by her writer 💕)

Uh… what I see or believe isn’t fanon broski.

Look Horikoshi has always had a problem of pushing aside the women in his series, the worst of this case has ALWAYS been ochako. Do I think that’s because he wanted to write a gay love story? Yeah, I do. Does that make it okay? Absolutely not. I will be the first person to shout from the rooftops that horikoshi does not write women as well as he should. He has fan service abundant, he makes crude jokes using women that really aren’t all that funny, he’s pushed aside his women and their moments in order to forward bkdk’s development.

But you can absolutely not come into my ask to tell me that she is an, “underdeveloped wasted idea”. Because she’s just fucking not.

People think toga is just “the blood sucking bisexual who likes animals too”, but she’s just fucking not. That’s never been her defining trait or character.

Toga is a subversion of the yandere trope. That sadly means there will always be misogynistic rhetoric because that’s what the trope is. At least BEFORE the subversion happens, which is now! Where Ochako DOESNT FIND HER CREEPY!

She’s going to be creepy and weird and have issues because she’s a villain. She’s a queer villain. Her entire story is one that defies the tragedy of carmilla and refuses to let her identity be anything but “Himiko Toga”. She has always been a character about identity. She’s never been “possessive” or “jealous” over Izuku for this purpose. It’s the reason why she’s bisexual, why she just “has an attraction to blood”. It’s a queer story wrapped in metaphor and it always has been. Why is THIS monster/villain queer story any worse than, idfk, the joker and Batman. I haven’t found a single person able to genuinely voice that to me in a way that is convincing! Horror and unconventional ways of love and ESPECIALLY blood has always always ALWAYS been a part of queer coded stories for a LONG TIME. We are the unconventional. We always have been. And that’s not me “bending over backwards” HER PARENTS LITERALLY CALL HER A DEVIANT AND SHE ASKS WHY NO ONE ELSE STRUGGLES WITH THE URGES SHE DOES.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll fucking say it again, Toga is horikoshi’s most well written and thought out female character. Ochako got kicked over and over again, same with momo, Tsu, Mina, and whoever the fuck else.

And I’m sorry, but writing a queer villain inspired by the lesbian vampire trope isn’t homophobic or bad writing.

She’s HAD depth. Idk if you read her backstory or her feelings on Ochako, twice, hawks, or even Izuku but she’s HAD depth. And I’m tired of pretending she hasn’t.

Normally I wouldn’t engage with shit like this but you reached out to me DIRECTLY. So let me make this clear: you can have whatever opinions you want on toga, and I will not get angry or express anger in any sort of way. But this account? This is not your fucking space and I will ABSOLUTELY meme on you for it.

[red1ight]

i am home early from work today yay so i can share my thoughts re:the dc comeback

well. it's very different for them but very much the same in terms of the kpop gg landscape rn... so that's boring to me. especially the english lyrics of 'i'm flawless i'm gorgeous my black dress' are so tired, a bit eye-roll. as is the heavy use of english lyrics itself. like i know they're trying to appeal to foreign fans (esp usamerican fans since they're looking to release an english album soon) but.. why? anyway i digress that's a different conversation.. as for the structure of the song itself, it's predictable, the rhythmic speaking over the electronic synths is also very overplayed, i don't care for that.

that all being said,, i don't think the song is overall Bad like i think it's kinda fun once i get past the standards and expectations i have of their music LOL. but im frustrated because if they really wanted to go this route musically, and conform to the current trends, they could still do so much to insert their own color, which i feel like normally is their strong suit. I can appreciate that they still opted for an acoustic drum beat and electric guitar in certain places, but aside from that.. they could have at least done more to spice it up. like for the chorus, they could have messed around with the progressions and leaned more into some interesting minor chords. i wish i knew music terminology to better articulate this idea LMAO anyway

I think yoohyeon in particular has some nice parts, the prechorus is enjoyable, but for a group with such overall strong vocals, there just wasn't much at all to this song. jiu and sua were particularly underutilized vocally which is a real shame.

as for choreo - i find it boring for the same reasons, it's just like everything else you can expect from an 'i'm bad' 'girl-crush' song (do ppl still use that term? can we retire it? have we already? idk). the tiktokification of kpop choreo is disappointing, especially from them since we know what they're capable of.

i think the concept is just a bit disappointing coming from them? it just doesn't seem to fit the image they've created or fanbase they've built.. i mean i know having a somewhat 'alt' (using that term really loosely here) image in the industry will not profitable forever but.. idk maybe it would? is it better to just do the same thing as every other group rn? isn't that why so many groups fell off around 2015-ish? because there was an oversaturation of the same concepts?? idk. also im getting kind of tired of the album 'concept' never having anything to do with the title track honestly it's become a real pet peeve for me like what does this have to do with villains or the cool spooky teasers they had in the very beginning of i think last (?) month? where's the intention where's the thought where's the care where's the artistry !! i've been thinking this for a while, but everything just feels rushed and barely thought-out.

all to say that it's nothing special, it could be fun to listen to if im in the right mood and ignore the english lyrics, but disappointing (sorry realizing im using that word a lot lol) only because i have such high standards for them. so it'll most likely end up being a skip for me. oh well. i'll check out the b sides of course though

[thepig]

blegh

i dont mean this in a harmful way but i literally cannot imagine having a strong enough sense of self to know if you are, the you that you identify as, is more than one person. i just have so much depersonalizwtion and derealization and yadda yadda yadda de a bunch of brain shit that i dont feel like a person like i dont know its not accurate to say dolores is a composite identity that a bunch of people in atrench coat are using or whatever but its also like. who is she. because there are moments when its strongly definitely not her. sometimes i just feel like im the brain and i know that im piloting it weird or whatever i dont really have enough memory to quantify that in a real way but i know im not a person who does shit and then i do shit. i know rnough to know that there is some state of mind where i dont feel like dolores, and its consisten, and its more than just one but i dont have enough consistent... whatever to make that mean anything. i know i know bpd warrior and depersonalization warrior and all those stupid fucking labels and nothing helps. its just doomed to watch an asshole pilot my body because im unable to be anyone else. or watch someone who only [redacted] and terrible terrible shit and blah blah blah blah. or all that stuff. not personalities for sure but like fucking. i dont know. more complicated than just moods. the dolores who is an asshole isnt just mean she WANTS shit you know? and i think theres something there. something enough to where im concious this is who i am sometimes. and saying who i am feels about as shakey as words get. i appreciate having a partner who is willing to work it out with me but i feel like all i end up doing is tossing around labels that make me feel awful or like im taking up space i dont deserve or im being enabled and i just wish i could take it out and just know. just know what the fuck is going on. i know resources about this shit is like a checklist you go down and if you get enough of it you magically get to identify as something or other but what do you do when the answers are consistently yeah, sometimes i guess. i dont really remember. i dont know who dolores is other than the shit i see myself say i guess. i dont know. its so tiring. and of course some amount of this is confirmation bias. some amount of it is my brain finding solutions to different problems its like a complicated scenario i know. but its like at what point does it stop? at what point do i become a person who feels like one all the time? who feels like and acts like and wants like and talks like the one person all the time? sorry this is rambky i dont mean anything by it i just hate my fucking brain. im not going to change anything ill just try to kill my brain until i feel significantly not as bad. see you in 3-4 business months

[anonnluvver]

Hello, can you write a glen x reader inside job wholesome tooth rotting fluff fanfic plz?

Hi! Thanks so much for requesting! Sorry if this took a while to get though I’ve been a little busy. But here it is, hope you like it!(Also this ended up being way more angsty than I intended…)

Glenn x reader(neutral reader) Fluff

“Ughhhhhh” You let out a loud groan, working within the shadow government isn’t exactly easy. Working at Cognito inc has really taking a toll on your social life, especially your love life… . Though you weren’t particularly interested in anyone you were starting to feel frustrated and lonely wishing you had someone new to make memories with, not erase. Right now you were stuck with a whole overload of work and because of it you’re staying over time at the office. Leaning back in your office chair, tired arms drooped and eyes closed. “Shit it’s already 4 am?” Looking at the clock on the wall. You whisper to yourself since it’s just you in this office alone, or so you think. You decided to haul your tired ass out of your little office for a cup of coffee and for a small breather outside.

You walk to the front steps of the building breathing in the cold air with a warm cup of coffee in your hands. The sky’s still dark and the stars are still out. And for once you let out deep breaths and let your tense shoulders relax, sighing in relief. You open your eyes and see someone sitting on the stairs. “Hello?” You call out to the figure on the steps. The person whiplashes to look back at you quickly and as you get a closer look at their face it’s Glenn! “Glenn?! What are you doing here?” Confusion written all over your face Glenn just chuckles a little at your reaction. “ I could ask you the same thing.” You smile at him and sit down by his side. “Well, I did ask first didn’t I?” You tease him a little. He shoots you a quick smile that slowly fades to sadness on his face. You frown at his response concerned about the sadness painted on his face. “What’s wrong Glenn, why do you seem sad?” The concern is noticeable in your soft spoken voice trying to comfort him with whatever troubles he had. “I don’t know really that’s the thing. I’ve just been sittin’ out here since we got out of work and thinkin’ where did it all go wrong?” He looks down at his feet with a bleak expression on his face. You sit there in silence for a moment letting him think. “You know I just wish some things coulda gone differently. I wonder where my life woulda been if I didn’t get the surgery, If Dolores and me didn’t get divorced.” You choked up. You’ve never seen Glenn express so much emotion in front of you. You never knew he was holding so much in. You throw your arms over Glenn and hug him tight. “Y/N?” He gasps in surprise of your sudden actions. “Oh Glenn, im so sorry you’ve been through so much.” He just stays silent and grabs a hold of one of your arms around his shoulders. “ I know life’s rough and things get in the way of happiness but for what it’s worth, I think you’re perfect the way you are.” You lightly squeeze your arms a little tighter around him. *Sniffle Sniffle* “Glenn are you crying?” You ask shocked and pull away from the hug to look at his face. His eyes are glossy and teary eyed on the brink of tears. “I’m sorry did I cross a line or make you uncomfortable I didn’t mean to I swear-“ “No no Y/N I’m cryin’ cause you’re so nice, and sweet and pretty…” he shys away pink dusting his cheeks. You sit up and your eyes open wide in shock as heat slowly starts to warm your cheeks. “Glenn you’re too kind…” you whisper shyly unsure of what to say. An awkward silence fills the air, tension so high it’s getting hard to breath. Suddenly you feel Glenn gently take a hold of your hand looking you in your eyes. “I appreciate what you’ve done for me tonight Y/N…I’ll see you tomorrow.” He smiles fondly at you making your heart race. You watch him get up and began to walk to his car. “Wait! Glenn” you rush to your feet, face red and hair a mess. You freeze for a little just staring and him as your heart pumps out of your chest. “I- I” fuck you think to yourself. How embarrassing you stumbling over your words. “Yes, Y/N?” He asks coming closer to you. He’s shorter than you right now because you’re on the steps and he’s on the flat ground. Him looking up at you is making you even more nervous and making maintaining eye contact even harder. “I- uh” you look away and audibly gulp. “I just wanted to say that um I think you’re sweet too…” “And well I was wondering if- you’d like to hang out sometime? Like just me and you. Together.” You mentally face fist yourself you probably sound so stupid. Glenn just stares up at you for a moment the bursts into laughter. After piping down he speaks softly “Oh Y/N you’re so silly” he chuckles a bit more “Of course I’ll go on a date with you!” He just smiles at you so genuinely making your heart race once more even faster than before. “Great! I’ll see you tomorrow then” you quickly lean down and give him a peck on the cheek “bye!” You speak out and run back inside the building leaving flustered outside stumped by your kiss.

[bitch-butter]

Sorry im a longtime lurker 🙈 but i just wanted to say your pretty on the inside snippet is so good, I love how you incorporate the others into the story im so intrigued to read it! 🤩

babe you are too kind! i'm really, really hoping to have it ready in the next month, but i guess time will tell lol here's another vignette for your troubles 😘😘

“You like me, don’t you?” David asked, feeling like a fool, like somebody begging to be tricked.

Joe paused for a moment, and when he spoke again it was on the wings of a sigh, like he couldn’t help but offer the truth. “You know I do.”

His throat felt oddly plugged, and he wished he had another glass of water. “And we’re friends?” he pressed, resting the pads of his fingertips against the hollow of his throat and rubbing it gently, fighting hard to ease away the past from where it tried to crawl out of his mouth.

A hum met him, and he could recognize the thoughtfulness of a gesture made with no words. “If it were up to me we’d be a little more,” Joe responded, the smile evident and yet the words far, far from a joke.

Swallowing, David eased in a long breath through his nose, body pulsing with hurt of his illness. “Just a little?”

“Don’t make me lie to you.”

It was the truth, and it made him burn with appreciation and searing, hellish emptiness. “People always think I’m so breakable,” he noted, voice low, wishing he could tell anyone, anyone, anyone about what he’d been through, about what he still went through when the sun goes down. That he might be fucked up, that he’s bruised in his mind and his body didn’t feel like his body anymore, but that he was strong. Capable enough to scrape himself off the floor and get on with it. Didn’t that count for something? Anything?

“It’s not that,” Joe shot back, urgent but fumbling, the words starting in his mouth but exhaling themselves away to pause for a too, too long moment. “I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I have. More than just a few times before.”

“Sometimes I want to be hurt,” David said dully, eyes as heavy as whole galaxies against his face, even just breathing feeling like an indulgence. “I don’t know why…”

“You’re confused, Web,” Joe offered, sounding wary and far-away.

“I know I am,” David slurred against the door, feeling tired beyond description, like the first man who ever walked the earth. “All I do is put myself in these places where people hurt me, but I act like I didn’t ask for it,” he went on, slipping in the liminal space between alive and sick and dead and drugged, sure that he wasn’t even speaking loud enough to be heard. “And sometimes I really don’t and I get hurt anyway, and it makes me feel like I’m just built to get stepped on, like I just have to let other people -” he cut himself off hastily, eyes burning closed, mouth screwed up with the memory of how it felt for his entire body to be sunburned, to have men back in the city not care that it hurt him to be touched. “Like Tess of the D’Urbervilles…”

Joe was silent for a long time, before a hard sigh ricocheted through the door. “I can’t hear you,” he said, sounding frustrated.

[clemswinecorner]

Prompt list

Renewed promptlist! This consists mainly of comfort prompts. I mainly write/F1/F2/Drivers without a seat, just send a request!

You can do that here :) please include for who and which prompt list! I would also appreciate it if you could include wether Y/N or the requested driver/character/person says the prompt, but you don't have to! It's up to you wether you give me a full backstory :) Will most likely default to she/her pronouns, if you want any other pronouns used that’s fine too! Just make sure to let me know :)

Also, feel free to ask me for more than 1!! I also have an old prompt list, so please include from which one :) I have copied these from random Tumblr prompt posts, you can also send in your own prompt(s) if you want! Like I said, you can include context/storyline but you can also just leave it up to me, whatever you prefer!!

I also have a Taglist! Check it out to be added.

Sidenote: I don’t write smut (since i'm still a minor) :)

"All this shit is new to me"

"You wanting me tonight, feels impossible"

"It's okay, we’re the best of friends anyways"

"I hear it in your voice"

"I guess sometimes we all get just what we wanted"

"Do you wish you could still touch her"

"You did some bad things, but i'm the worst of them"

"Sometimes i wonder which one will be your last lie"

"I don't start shit but i could tell you how it ends"

"Putting someone first only works when they do the same"

"I'll be getting over you my whole life"

"Uh oh, im falling in love"

"Oh no, i'm falling in love"

"Oh, im falling in love"

"Karmas a relaxing thought?"

"Karma is Karma is the guy on the screen, coming straight home to me"

"All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing"

"What if i told you none of it was accidental?"

"That was the night i nearly lost you"

"I really thought i lost you"

"No i didn't see the news 'cause we were somewhere else"

"Do you really want to know where i was april 29th?"

"You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love. The slowest way is never loving them enough"

"We were supposed to be just friends"

"I thought we had no chance and that's romance"

"And the gods honest truth was that the pain was heaven"

"I wish you'd left me wondering"

"I regret you all the time"

"Never take advice from someone who's falling apart"

“you don’t feel safe here, do you?”

“i’m just tired.” “of what?” “everything.”

“were you crying?”

“it’s like i can’t breathe. i just want to breathe.”

“are you okay? that looked like it really spooked you.”

“it’s fine, i’m used to it.”

“i’m not trying to pry, but i want you to know i'd like to listen, if you want someone to talk to.”

“just… let me lay here for a while.”

"what can i do to help?”

“i’m usually stronger than this.”

“just pretend like i’m not here. what would you say to yourself if nobody was around?"

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you earlier.”

“when was the last time you ate?”

“you stayed?” “of course i stayed. why wouldn’t i?”

“[name]? can you hear me?”

“i’m sorry, i’m not trying to be distant.”

“it’s okay. i promise you, i will be here when you wake up.”

“i have a lot going on right now.”

“whenever you get stressed, you do this thing with your hands. what is it?”

“you said i could stay with you if i needed a bed.”

“i won’t judge you.”

“i pick my skin/bite my nails when i feel panicky.”

“you don’t have to tell me. but if you do decide you want to, i’ll be here.”

“you’re being way too nice to me.”

“relax, i won’t hurt you.”

“are you okay?” “i’m just so tired… i just want to stop.”

“have you been crying?” “no.” “please don’t lie to me, i care about you.”

“i feel so stupid.” “don’t ever feel stupid for having a normal reaction to a situation that you couldn’t control.”

“am i upsetting you too?” “no, i just hate seeing you so upset. i wish i could make you feel better.”

“i didn’t mean to listen in but… i heard you crying.”

“honey what’s wrong? why are you so upset?”

“shh take a deep breath, you’re working yourself up too much.”

“please calm down, you’re going to make yourself sick.”

“i’ve got you, you’re okay. i promise.”

“here, drink some water. have a minute.”

“[name] said you were crying earlier. need to talk?”

“you look like you haven’t slept, are you alright?”

“i love you, okay? i know it’s hard right now but i’ll always be here for you.”

“take some deep breaths for me, you’re okay.”

“i could really do with a hug.”

“i really need you right now.”

“my head hurts so much but i can’t stop crying.”

“i just hurt so much.”

“i’m really not doing okay. i haven’t been for a while.”

“i just need a minute, i-i’m okay.”

“i need some air.”

“i’m sorry i ruined our evening.”

“hey, are you okay?”

“do you want to talk?”

“is there something you need to tell me?”

“it’s okay. don’t cry.”

“it’s okay to cry.”

“let it all out. take your time.”

“it’s alright. i’m here.”

“i’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.”

“what’s wrong?”

“everything will be fine. i promise.”

“i got you.”

“i care.”

“is there anything i can do for you? a snack? a hug?”

“i could never hate you.”

“you’re not a monster.”

“nothing is wrong with you.”

“i wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

“you’re safe.”

“we’ll get through this together.”

“just relax.”

“you deserve better than x.”

“get your anger/sadness out.”

“i love you.”

“do you wanna cuddle?”

“want to watch a movie or play a game to take your mind off of it?”

“Are you sure everything’s okay?”

“I just wanted to remind you that I love you.”

“God, I missed this.”

“I remember the last time we were here.”

“When was the last time you just… let go?”

“I will always be there for you.”

“I’m not going to leave unless you want me to.”

“Do you remember when we were kids?”

"It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

"It's okay, I'm here, you're going to be okay."

"Hey, it's what I'm here for."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, by your side."

"Here, feel my heartbeat. Just focus on that."

"Breathe for me. Please, just breathe for me."

"Look at me. I'm here. I'm real."

"I'll stay right here, okay?"

"You don't have to be alone anymore. I'm here to stay."

"Are you okay? Do you need a hug?"

"No, no, no, don't cry, it's gonna be okay!"

"Please go back to bed, you can barely stand!"

"Hey, don't do that, you'll hurt yourself!"

"When's the last time you got some sleep?"

"Hold my hand. You are going to be fine."

"Have you eaten something today?"

"You, me, blanket fort."

"You're alright, I've got you."

"It's okay to cry, you know?"

"We don't have to do anything right now."

"We can stay here as long as you want."

"You don't have to be sorry for anything."

"It's okay, it's over now."

"Do you want to hold me or be held?"

[fearowkenya]

its so hard being around my dad and his wife and my grandma for any extended amount of time. tldr theyre the type who keep fox news on in the background 24/7.

my stepmoms friend spent a few evenings here and at some point the topic of trans ppl came up and the moment i mentioned im non binary, my stepmoms friend was in my corner and being much more firm about correcting them than i can get away with (i cant be firm or i get accused of "being aggressive" or "not being understanding" that they're "from another time"). she did more advocating for me in a singular hour than my dad or my grandma have ever done for me at all while ive been in their presence since i first came out to them. (id like to believe that they advocate for me when i cant hear them but the odds are probably pretty low. but never zero, i guess.)

its such a weird thing to think about. i am completely confident that they love me unconditionally, but they're also the ONLY people left that have any importance in my life who just can't seem to get the damn pronouns right. i dont mean that they slip up constantly , i mean that they just dont even seem to bother. "this is my daughter" "my granddaughter is here visiting" "shes hoping to see an alligator" "can you send me that picture you took of her" like theres no pause, no attempt to even try to use they/them or non-gendered language, not as far as i can tell anyway. the most ive ever gotten was my grandma sending me a birthday card last year with the "granddaughter" printed inside scratched out and corrected to "grandchild". which was really nice!!! i genuinely did appreciate it!!! i told her that it meant a lot to me!! she is aware that i am aware & grateful that she made 1 (one) effort. but also she fully wrote "miss" in front of my name on the envelope of that same card. so its like ... i appreciate the thought but unfortunately that's not enough. you still gotta keep doing stuff like that, like, indefinitely. i thought that maybe it was a start, but other than my stepmoms friend ive been referred to exclusively as something im not since i got here.

honestly until my stepmoms friend stood up for me and corrected my family on my behalf id just completely given up. its so exhausting. and when she corrected them ofc the conversation turned to "its SO HARD for us to change our language" and it was a little validating to watch her get kind of annoyed at that reaction.

im tired.

i guess i can keep trying to say "they please" at every possible turn and see where that gets me. i wish i could spend time with this part of my family without being on pins and needles constantly.