#its all my own fault really for letting myself into this situation

[popsicle-stick]

alexa play take the long way home by supertramp.......................

[widevibratobitch]

aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.

[spctrsgf]

rocks and faulty plans

summary: you and poe make an unexpected stop to a rocky planet. with a broken ship.

-> based off this prompt

words: 1.3k

a/n: heeeeeeeey guys 😅😅 i will be more active soon I PRAY but here is a silly drabble i wrote i miss my silly space pilot :((

You’re not really sure why you even listened to him in the first place. You knew that beside all of his cockiness, he had some sort of planning skills and a desire to not kill the both of you, but it wasn't all that apparent in your current situation.

The rocky terrain of the planet you'd landed on– an unplanned detour– was harder to navigate than you'd thought when you were back on the ship. Despite this fact, your companion was already several steps ahead, trekking along the curve of a particularly large rock.

You groan loudly, hoping he hears your disdain as you tug on the collar of your jumpsuit and double your speed to catch up to him. The burst of energy from your fiery anger is, much to your dismay, hardly enough to last for longer than twenty seconds. A burn in your leg ignites the gravel beneath your feet, sending you stumbling.

“You okay down there?” Calls that ever so taunting tone. You glare up at his figure, backlit by the red sun. Still several steps ahead. “Oh fuck off, would you?” You snap, glancing down at the beads of blood forming along the scrape of your leg. 

He laughs. “It's okay, baby, it happens to all of us. Even me.”

You raise your eyebrows at him. 

He shrugs back. How does he manage to admit fault cockily?

“Using pet names to hide your concern, I see.”

He tuts, but says nothing to dispute your claim, heading towards you. 

“I can get up myself, Poe.” You snarl at him.

“I think the rocks would beg to differ.”

“Would it kill you to not tease me?”

He grins. “In an instant.”

You roll your eyes, but grab the hand he had extended out to you and let him help you up. He pulls you forward, seemingly only letting go of your hand when he realized he had been holding it for so long. The two of you trek together to the top of the rock, not sharing anything but the oxygen during sharp breaths. 

It was a weirdly serene moment with him. Poe wasn't necessarily a man of little or many words, but it wasn't often that you saw him comfortable in the silence. Especially in your current… predicament. You’d half expected him to spend the whole adventure talking your ear off about the ten billion plans you knew he had thought of, but he remained quiet.

You suppose you could chalk it up to the view. It was nothing short of breathtaking. The small town below was bustling about, nestled among the rocks that spiked out of the ground. The light from the sun cast a loving red sheen on the whole scene, cupping the inhabitants and painting them friendly. It was difficult to even consider looking away from. 

Yeah, that was probably Poe’s silencer.

You smile, letting him bask in the scenery before you shove his shoulder, beginning to head towards the town. “C’mon, pretty boy, stop gawking and get a move on! We don't have all day.” He scoffed. “I was not gawking, it's just-” he runs a hand down his face, “it's been a while since I've seen a view like that.”

“Space just isn't quite like this, is it?” 

“Not quite. A lot more black.” He says, finally catching up to you.

You snort. “That's true. It's calming in its own way, isn't it?”

“Yeah. If it weren't for our current situation, I’d spend a couple days here. Nice vacation.”

“You deserve that.” The words leave your mouth before you can take a second to think about them. Shit.

But Poe doesn't tease, he just smiles wide. “Thank you.”

You roll your eyes playfully. “But, back to business-”

“Here we go."

“Hey!” You glare, and he quickly quiets. “What are we gonna do? Just ask one of these people if they can walk however long with whatever tools they need to fix our ship?”

“Well, that was plan D in my extensive list of ideas.”

“Oh, and what about the other ones?” You indulge, curious.

“Well, plan A was to not crash on the planet in the first place, but you can see how well that went.” He grumbles.

“We tried our best.”

“I know,” he sighs, running a hand down his face, again. “Rest of my plans weren't quite as good.”

“Doubt that. Let's try plan E.” You quip, seeing how close the two of you were to the town.

He shrugs easily. “Let's.” 

You watch him gather his confidence and paint it across his face, and with that, the two of you make your way into the town. You trail a few steps behind him, letting “plan E” fall into place. He makes his way into a bar, leaning against the counter and motioning for you to do the same.

As you copy him, he leans over, whispering, “just go with it, okay?” You nod, locking your jaw to stop yourself from yelping when his hand wraps around your waist. “Hey, bartender!” He yells, catching their attention. “What can I get for you today, sir?” 

“My fiancé and I are here trying to get to the next planet in your system, but our ship crashed. Would you happen to have something that could help us?”

The bartender tilts his head to the side. “You do realize this is a bar, right?”

“I’m willing to bet you see most of this town here. So if anyone knows of someone who can help us, it's you.”

“Sure, a lot of people come in here, but I just serve drinks. Can I get you two anything?”

“Sir, please-”

“Listen here, outsider,” the bartender leans over the counter, and you can smell the alcohol he'd surely downed earlier. “I’ve been gracious enough to not kick you two out of my bar as soon as you didn’t place an order, because you and your fiancé seem like respectable people. But this is a busy bar, so if you're not going to buy a drink, get the fuck out of my bar before I have someone make you.”

“All we need is one address!”

“Last chance, sir.” The man gnarls at you two.

“Okay,” you jump in, taking Poe’s hand off your waist and pulling him away from the bartender. “Thank you for your help!”

You drag the two of you out of the bar before either man could exchange any more malicious words. Poe struggles, clearly trying to make his plan work. It was obvious he had more things to say– or do– to the bartender, but eventually he gives in to your pulling, trailing behind you. 

“So much for plan E.” You grumble as soon as you aren't in earshot of the bar. “I could have made that work! He would've listened to me.” Poe grumbles right back. 

“You and I both know that isn't true.” 

He sighs. “Yeah.”

“What is it with him anyways?” You question, making sure your voice was low and there wasn't anyone around before continuing. “He was so much meaner than anyone else we've seen.”

“Bad day, maybe? They could not get many visitors here.”

“Or too many.” You add in.

He smiles. “Or too many. Maybe he's struggling to make ends meet.”

“That's also true,” you sigh in defeat. “But it doesn't solve our problem.”

He shakes his head. "Let's just move on to plan F. F stands for fabulous."

"The way all your other plans have worked out so far, I would assume F also stands for failure." 

“Hey!” He yelps, glaring. 

You giggle. “Joking. Plan F it is! What do you need me to do?”

His smile made what some would call a shit eating grin.

You groan. “Oh no.”

Well, the two of you definitely made it off the planet in record time. With nothing more than you came with, other than a bounty on your heads.

No biggie.

someone yell at me to write my reqs bye

[xiexiecaptain]

The biggest thing I've learned to help manage my ADHD in regards to getting things done is to Follow Those Impulses

(I'm not saying this will work for or is even a good strategy for everyone, but in my own situation it's helped me.)

I'm like allergic to consistency in schedule and cannot enforce one on myself so all it leads to is self-loathing and failure. Trust me, I've been attempting to will-power, shame-fuel my way through it since I was a preteen (I'm currently almost 30.) It does not work for me.

Obviously medication can give me a huge leg up on stuff. But beyond a certain point my brain is simply not wired for long-term sustained consistency.

As in many of my issues, I've found that working with myself gets better results than fighting myself.

When I follow those sudden impulses of interest and motivation, I get things done.

To the outside, I look absolutely haphazard. I'll pause a show I'm watching mid-sentence, stand up, and go empty the dishwasher because my mood/brain/chemicals *ping*ed that it was suddenly do-able and not a huge overwhelming task. Or I'll be putting away laundry and that *ping* will go off and I'll spend three hours re-organizing my closet.

To a neurotypical, this looks like distracted and disorganized behavior.

To me, it's following the way my brain naturally works in order to accomplish tasks.

My ADHD manifests in that I experience very small and unsustainable windows of motivation and interest. So when I feel that window crack open, doing the Thing right then (when the situation enables me to) can mean the Thing actually happens. Even if it's not the thing I'm "supposed" to be doing.

With a neurotypical in that situation, they might be putting away clothes and think: "Oh, I should organize my closet. I have time this weekend, I'll do it then," finish putting away their clothes, and then organize the closet when they had free time that weekend.

I used to try to do things that way too. Because it was how I was taught that "responsible, real people" did it, and had "finish one thing before you start another" drilled into my head. But I'm literally not wired to work that way. And I've been working on undoing that internalized ableism of believing one way of doing things is better and I need to change to adhere to it. I don't and shouldn't be expected to to my own detriment.

For me with the closet example, the weekend would come and I would spend 5 hours screaming at myself to stop working on whatever did have my interest in order to go organize the closet. Sometimes I might ended up doing it. More often, I would not be able get myself to do it even after all that. I would just sit there, yelling at myself, hating myself despite my brain literally not having the chemicals to initiate the activity (let alone follow through) and nothing would get done. Not even the thing I wanted to focus on instead.

The only thing I did accomplish was hating myself for not being able to do "simple" things like other people (read: neurotypicals.)

This is basically how I spent the majority of my schooling; doing simple tasks felt like running in sand. And I internalized all the messages that told me it was my own fault I couldn't run as fast and in as straight a line as those running on pavement.

The past few years, I've been trying to follow impulses more. And its honestly been really helpful.

I get more done even if it isn't a "consistent" amount or I can't always count on having a specific thing done by a certain date.

But the big thing is that I spend less time hating myself for not doing what I "should" be and more time actually doing things when I have the motivation for them. More shit happens, I'm undoing some of that self-loathing.

tl;dr: My advice for fellow adult ADHD-ers is:

Try to learn what your natural rhythms are and, where possible, try leaning into them. Without judgement, try working with your natural tendencies rather than battling them at every moment. See how it feels, see what you accomplish (and not just in the capitalistic "productivity" way--spending 3 hours hyperfocusing on researching the history of wheat germ counts!) See how your brain and body feel.

Your brain is wired different, let yourself operate different.

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

[topguncortez]

its been a couple of days since i made the tough choice to cut ties and temporarily walk away from a place that i love really really deeply.

but i’ve had some time to reflect and come to some conclusions about myself.

now excuse me while i vent out loud:

1) the phrase “once an addict, always an addict” is true. just because i don’t take pills anymore doesn’t mean i haven’t found a way to feed the craving of being addicted to something. im not 100% sure what that addiction is; maybe it’s that im a sucker for pain, maybe it’s i can’t walk away when i know i should, maybe it’s fucking caffeine (it’s 97% caffeine).

2) everyone heals and handles things differently. again, back to my past with addiction; some addicts can heal with still being able to be around the thing they are addicted to. i learned a long time ago, i am not that person. i have a hard time knowing when to walk away, but once i do… its like breathing fresh air. it hurts like a bitch sometimes but its also one of the best things for you. sometimes we get so blind with those rose colored glasses on, that we truly can’t see our own faults until we step back and reflect

3) i’m an angry person. i always have been and probably always will be. i’ve dealt with a lot of shitty things in my life. i’ve lost people who didn’t deserve to be taken away. i’ve watched some of the most vile humans get away with horrible offenses. i have been abused and assaulted. i’m angry. and there’s little i can do to shake that anger. however, i can control it. i can lock it away and deal with it in a healthy manner than just let it explode all over the place.

4). God knows what’s best for you. now, i don’t mean to get all religious on yall. i have struggled with my faith for years. I went through a period of time of questioning who God is and what his intentions are. If this great and almighty God sent his son to die to end our suffering… why are people still suffering? I still struggle with my faith, but i am relearning to put my trust in him and know that He is putting things in my life he knows I can overcome.

And finally,

5) never feel bad for doing things for yourself. i have been so well trained to put other peoples feelings above my own. for years, i have bit my tongue and told myself “i can’t say that, that’ll hurt their feelings” and let people continue to roll over me. believe it or not… i hate conflict. i hate awkward situations. i hate feeling like im being suffocated and i can’t breathe. i have become more vocal (good and bad thing) in speaking up when i have been hurt. it’s a slow learning process and sometimes it comes back to bite me in the ass cause i’m thrust into another situation i don’t know how to handle and the anxiety builds and then there’s tears and all that shit. but i have learned i should never feel bad for doing things for myself.

anyway, i know this is just a long ass vent that nobody is gonna read, but i hope maybe, just maybe this reaches someone who has been feeling the same way i have these past couple months.

i know not everyone has a great support system in real life that they can rely on when things get hard. i can honestly tell you that without some of the people in my everyday life and online life being there and helping me and offering me an ear to listen while i vent and scream at the world… i don’t think i’d still be here. but i want yall to know, if you need a place to vent and scream at the world, i am here for you. and i’ll do whatever i can to get you the help and resources if you need it. or if you just wanna get shit off your chest.

i’m here for you.

[lollytea]

Up until a month back I liked a guy. And I really liked him. But I found out he didn't like me back. I was really upset, but I didn't want to hold it against him, but then I found out he had a reputation of being a player (which, at our age of 14 is flirtatiously texting girls and then just. Ghosting them).

And I felt really upset. I began to question if he even saw me as a friend, and whether the way he texted me was even friendly. What if he secretly loathed me and was just doing this to get a kick out of it? What if he knew about my feelings and they were just a joke to him?

I wanted to cry, but I told my friends and my sister I was okay. But I wanted to scream. Its not my fault I was born ugly. It's not my fault my face makes me unlovable. And even though I wanted to distance myself from him I felt some sort of perverse pleasure every time he did something embarrassing in front of every one.) And that's when I think it hit me.

That's why I'm unlovable. I am unlovable because I'm a terrible person. My friends tried to comfort me saying that he's a shitty person who can't see my beauty/cuteness, but friends are obligated to say that. I wanted to believe them because they're all so beautiful, and they would never lie to me because they love me. But they deserve a better friend than me.

I want to cry because I want to experience having a whirlwind romance, and falling in love. I also know I'll probably never have that.

And AGH I feel so upset. Because all my life I've known I was ugly. But when this guy showed me attention, was nice to me, it made me feel special. Made me feel like I was having my own romance.

I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate that I can't be loved, I hate my face, I hate myself for feeling these things. Last year when I suspected I began liking him, I told myself not to fall too deep, and here I am, ranting to you on tumblr dot com.

Lollytea, I love your writing and I love your posts. I love how confident you are of yourself. I'm very sorry for ranting in your inbox about my shitty love life, if this makes you uncomfortable, please delete it. But if you don't, I genuinely would like some encouragement. That my time for my own romance will come. That I will learn to love this face.

You're not unlovable. You're just 14. It just happens that being 14 feels a lot like being chronically unlovable. But no, that is not actually the case.

Maybe you've heard this a lot. And I imagine that it must be frustrating to listen to. That being a teenager just means your emotions are bigger and more intense than they will ever be in your entire life, so they're irrational and silly.

That's not the case either. Your feelings matter. And they're worth being listened to. But I do need you to keep in mind that the age range you're in right now is one of the most difficult periods of time that a human being will ever go through. Being a teenager is very hard. Being an adult is hard too. But me and every adult I've ever met would not trade it for being 14 again. No way in hell.

It does severely influence how you see yourself and why your emotions feel so strong and messy and all over the place. But I assure you that you're doing a fantastic job for a person in your situation. It's rough and you're getting through it and I'm proud of you.

Firstly, I'm going to say this quite bluntly but dont take it as me insulting them. Most of the boys in your class probably aren't that smart. And they are the absolute worst people to be seeking validation from. I promise that their opinion of you is not worth worrying about because they are...stupid, frankly. They won't be stupid forever. Probably. But being 14 is a weird age for boys too and they're quite mean for a while before they mature and chill tf out. Please try not to let it get to you if one of them doesn't like you romantically. I promise you it is not remotely a big deal. None of them have any idea how to be good boyfriends yet anyway.

No, you're not unlovable for occasionally having spiteful little thoughts about somebody who was mean to you. Everybody has those every once in a while. As long as you maintain some self-awareness and don't let cruelty consume your whole brain, having a few mean thoughts doesn't make you a terrible person. What WOULD make you a terrible person is external terrible behaviour. It's your actions that matter. So just be kind, alright? Be kind to your friends. Ignore the people you don't like but be civil. Don't hurt anyone. If you stick to all of this, you're golden. Considering that you already seem so self-critical of being a bit bitchy inside your own head, I think that's a promising sign than you won't do anything worse than that. I hope so anyway. Be kind, that's all you can do. Your friends love you. If you put your all into loving them in return, then you can have something so special.

You're not ugly, you're 14. Sorry, I'm getting a bit repetitive but I think it's relevant information to this whole situation. At the age you're at, your face is probably in this weird transitional period between child and adult so maybe that's why it might look "uglier" than usual to you. It might last a few more years but it won't look like that forever. I assure you that your face is beautiful because it's doing exactly what it's supposed to do. It's alright if you've felt ugly your whole life. The way you look at your own face is way more personal than the way you look at other people's faces. We don't really notice the flaws on others the way we notice our own. We're wired weird like that.

All I can say is hang tight. If you don't like your face then please try not to let it upset you that much. Your face hasn't fully developed yet. For the time being, you look exactly the way you're supposed to look and you're perfect. Let's see how it looks in a few years before we make any rash decisions about it being as ugly as you think it is.

Don't be hasty in the belief that you'll never find love and romance. I assure you that the age you're at is the absolute worst time to get a boyfriend and its perfectly okay if you don't experience it for another while. It's normal. You're fine. It's okay.

I know you want it. I know it sounds nice. And I promise that if its important to you, once you're older and the people you're interested in are a little smarter, you will have it.

I'm serious when I say that for the time being, focus on being a good friend. Focus on school. Focus on your own physical and mental health. Focus on your hobbies. Being wanted by 14 year old boys won't mean shit in the long run.

Things will be okay. You talk so much about how you'll be alone for the rest of your life. But your life has only just begun and you hardly know who you are yet. It's impossible to tell what will happen in the coming years. I promise that you'll be okay.

I know you came for me for reassurance but from that last paragraphs, I'm sure you're already smart enough to know the things I've told you. But I imagine that you just needed a second opinion. Take care, love.

[ourdreamsareneon]

okay *cracks knuckles* I did a post about gale, time for his better half - astarion

Some of you don't have media literacy and it shows.

I dont know where to start so I'm gonna go hard before getting soft (insert sex joke.) Act 1 astarion is an asshole. He's manipulative and toxic and uses his power as a ~230 year old vampiric high elf to manipulate you into (among other things) having sex with him. I understand falling for him at that point, that's not your fault it's just the game gaming and the writers are really good at how they write his manipulation. However, it does strike me as strange that some of y'all get to the scene where he confesses to using and manipulating you and you....don't care? 'He's just damaged! its not his fault!' babygirl, someone can have a good reason for hurting you, but that doesn't take away the pain. I'm not saying that you shouldn't still love him, but it's strange how many of you disregard that scene. I know for me at least I was saddened by it and definitely was a little wary about him afterwards until beating Cazador and unlocking the nice happy healthy Astarion relationship.

Now here's where we get soft to prove that I actually like Astarion. The reason that confession stings for me is because I have many a memory of being SA'd then being told "I'm not even into you, you were just there." Ever since I stopped being a girl and became a woman, something that happened all too early in my life, I have been used and abused. And hey, sorry for making my Tav the exact same way but I like processing my trauma through D&D. I relate a lot to Astarion. Hurt people hurt people and I know that better than anyone. I also know better than anyone that picking yourself up and healing from that hurt sucks ass. Which brings me to two points. Um apologies for getting hard on you again.... insert another sex joke here.

1) Astarion isn't ace. I've seen this briefly and while I appreciate the need for queer rep, and love headcanons, I do think this discounts the struggle a lot of SA survivors go through. Okay, back to my life so we can compare. When I was chin deep in my abusive relationships and just general shitty time of my life, I was fucking and sucking literally so much it hurt. However as soon as I got out of that situation, I basically became celibate for 2 years. I didn't know how to have sex in a way that was healthy, or that wouldn't make me feel awful about myself. It was only this year that I was able to finally have sex in a way that made me happy. I think you'd be blind not to see Astarion in the same way. He's just a hurt man that is trying to rediscover and heal himself. Which is why he doesn't care about Tav and Halsin, and why you can have sex on his grave. He is very sexually open he just needs some time.

2) Ascended Astarion isn't sexy and I don't think some of you are ready for that conversation. Look I don't have time to go through this because I have a meeting in 30 minutes because I'm an adult with bad time management. But I just. Come here. Come real close. Abusive relationships aren't hot and sexy. We all love a little bit of kink but if you don't see Ascended Astarion as clearly the bad choice, I'm very confused. He's so sweet and loving and kind and HEALED if you don't let him ascend, I can't imagine not wanting that. And like I said, kink is fine! And ascending him because you're doing an evil run or whatever is also fine! Just please, I need teenagers to stop romanticising abuse because the media you consume does rub off on you.

TL;DR I love Astarion with all my heart, but by the writers own admission he was created as a Try Not To Overly Sexualise an Abuse Survivor Challenge and y'all are failing left and right!

[it-happened-one-fic]

Hours In The Moonlight: Fairest Midnight - 5. Far More Charming

Summary: In a lot of ways, you couldn’t blame Vil for being annoyed with you, even though getting attacked hadn’t really been your fault. Nonetheless, you also weren’t simply going to let him fuss at you just because he could, and you had some questions for him anyway.

Type: Gender-neutral reader/ Vampire AU/ romantic/ angst/ angst with comfort/ fluff/ sfw/ platonic interactions too!

Trigger Warning: Vampire

Word Count: 1174

Hours in the Moonlight Master-List

“You got attacked?” That question, bitten out with a special sort of venom, was how Vil greeted me that evening.

I stepped back from the window, letting him enter the room even as I sighed slightly to myself. Because there was no questioning it now. He was mad.

I could only assume that Rook had told Vil, and a tiny part of me was almost tempted to fuss at my friend the next time I saw him. But in the end, I knew it was for the best. Especially since Rook had just told me that one of the reasons he’d introduced me to Vil was so that I would be better protected.

Which was something I really didn’t want to think about. 

The fact that I apparently needed protection was beyond concerning, even though I’d already known vampires were a little overly interested in me. This new information only emphasized how bad that could be, though.

My voice was calm as I responded, attempting to calm Vil’s annoyance, “Yes, but it’s okay… I didn’t get hurt and now I even know about Rook’s secret.” 

My attempt at lightening the conversation fell flat, and Vil’s eyes were still hard with anger that wasn’t entirely directed at me. Though it did feel distinctly like my words had upset him further rather than calming him.

“And what if it hadn’t been okay? What if you had gotten hurt?” His voice was hard and I let out a sigh as my arm fell away from where it had been wrapped around me.

“Vil, you know what-if’s don’t help anything. I got attacked. It happened. There is no changing it now. But everything turned out alright and that’s what matters.” I held his gaze, fully understanding that this was just one of his ways of showing concern, but also refusing to let him run me over in such a fashion.

He stepped closer, closing the distance between us with a simple motion, “Why did you go in that building?” His voice was quieter now, more controlled than it had been but that irritation was still there in his eyes.

“Because I wanted to talk to the driver of the delivery truck and I thought I’d seen him standing there.” My voice held a levelness that was similar to Vil’s. Carefully firm but not argumentative.

Vil let out a sigh, running a hand through his carefully done hair in a way that threatened to actually send a few locks out of place.

And I felt myself frown as I watched him, letting my stalwart position crumble just a little bit as I stepped forward to catch hold of his arm, “Vil… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put myself in such a situation, but-”

“It’s alright,” He cut me off, surprising me as he looked down at me. A frown was still present on his face, but there was far less annoyance in his expression, “It wasn’t your fault just… Please, be more careful.”

A faint smile worked its way onto my face as I looked up at him, “I’ll try.”

His lips twitched up into their own smile, his hand coming down to hang by his side, “Hopefully more than you have been. Your track record is hardly the best.”

On the contrary, my track record up until today had been pretty good. I hadn’t seen a vampire other than Vil for quite some time. But what Rook had said today about that vampire having a hand in the murders was worrying. Enough so that I did understand Vil’s concerns and even felt a little guilty for worrying him.

I frowned for a moment as I continued to consider what all Rook had told me today, “Vil, when Rook introduced you to me….”

Vil sighed as soon as I trailed off, nodding as he looked away from me, “Yes, one of the reasons he did so was so that I could protect you.”

He paused, an amused grin working its way onto his face as he seemed to remember something, “As I recall, I told him that I didn’t need any new friends, and that I certainly didn’t need one that was going to require my protection.” 

A distinct gleam entered his purple eyes as he continued to look back towards me, that smile still curving across his face, “I wonder if he knew I would accept after meeting you?”

I grimaced slightly at the memory of our first meeting, with me waiting until Rook had excused himself before immediately accusing Vil of tracking me down like food while brandishing a knitting needle like it was a knife.

I could still see his expression as clear as day. Purple eyes had rolled before he’d stared me down and spoken, “Please. Vampires don’t eat potatoes like you. I have no interest in attacking you.”

Judging from the way Vil was grinning at me, he knew exactly what I was recalling. I shook my head slightly, as if to clear my thoughts, before speaking once more, “Why did you decide to stick around?”

Vil blinked down at me in silent surprise before a smile crossed his face, “Do you remember what you said after I told you that I wasn’t after you?” I nodded slowly, because of course I remembered. I’d told him that if he was after Rook, I wasn’t going to stand by and take it before I’d asserted, with some impressively false bravado, that he would regret it if he crossed me.

“Your threat caught my attention. I suppose you could say I was intrigued.” I all but gaped at both his words and his reasoning for sticking around. Conversely, Vil just smiled at me in amusement. Either at my reaction or the memory of our meeting.

I slowly recovered, mumbling to myself petulantly, “And here I’d thought it had been because of my numerous charms.” 

He laughed at me, causing me to scowl up at him as he spoke in a teasing tone that I often wondered how frequently he used when he was with others, “Rook is far more charming than you.”

I eyed him as I crossed my arms in an almost defiant manner, hardly able to resist when he left me with such an opening, “True… Perhaps I should spend more of my time with Rook  than I do with you then.”

Vil snorted with a surprising degree of inelegance at my words, seeing through me in a second even as he played along, “Well, I suppose I don’t have to come by as often if you wish, Tater tot.”

The endearment rolled off his tongue in an almost mocking way, and I frowned, “You know I don’t mean it.”

He nodded with no small amount of smugness even as he turned to head back out the way he came, throwing a smile over his shoulder at me right before he disappeared through my window and often into the night, “Tomorrow night then?”

I smiled despite myself at him and waved, “Sleep tight.”

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[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

Yk, the worst thing about catr@dora is that it's literally abandoned the rare toxic sibling dymanic that is rarely shown in media. That not all siblings are going to be positive towards each other. That usually under the abuse, children will start to hate their own sibling because of their declining mental health. And it disappoints me even more that people are enclinged to actually make excuses why Catra and Adora aren't siblings, when they so painfully are.

Like- I was abusive towards my sister because my mother never actually cared for any of us and neglected us. I was psychotic and attacked her out of nowhere, and she was ignored. And the thing is? I can see myself in Catra, at least my past self. I can see my sister in Adora. I can see my mother in Shadow Weaver. And it makes my stomic turn to see them become canonical pairing, that Catra doesn't have proper redemption arc with the realization that she was an AWFUL person and that people are happily shipping them. And even worse when people try to attach "They are siblings" to other pairing to make them look insignificant and incetful whan in fact, it's c//a that is incestful by its nature. Sorry for the rant here, I just really hate the missed potential here and a little hurt as abuse surviver, and partially the abuser myself. I redeemed myself a long time ago and made amends with my sister, but it doesn't change the fact that I see myself as a monster for my past mistakes.

Even the A:TLA Comics were better at handling toxic siblings and I despite them.

first off, don't worry about ranting! it's always good to hear about different people's experiences here! also, i totally agree. i feel like people have kinda agreed as a whole that any conflict between siblings isn't that serious and "that's just how siblings are".

i rarely talk about my own experiences here but i've also been in a similar relationship with my sister, except i was the adora in the situation. my sister was abused by our father and she started using many of the same techniques on me, especially the emotional abuse. she would constantly belittle and insult me, try to control every single aspect of my life, and guilt trip me for things that weren't my fault. whenever i tried to tell people about it, they'd just brush it off as "you'll get over it, it's not that deep".

so it made me validated to see catra and adora in spop too, but at the same time it gave me the ick because i went into the show knowing full well that c//a was going to be a thing. there have been other toxic sibling relationships in media but very few that were as abusive as c//a. usually it was just sibling rivalry, and not much more.

so yeah, i completely get you. it's a real shame because they had the potential for a very interesting dynamic and character arcs.

if catra was the scapegoat child who always craved validation, her arc should not have ended with being adora's girlfriend. she should have gotten the time to explore herself, heal from her trauma and be her own person.

similarly, adora as the golden child should not have ended up with the person who put the most pressure on her and guilt tripped her. she should have gotten someone who lets her exist without having to be strong and capable all the time.

but yeah, c//a stans will still say that we're just being insensitive and toxic, instead of actually reading what we post. i hope you're doing better now, and your sister as well!

[hanzhen0506]

~’Im Sorry for Letting Go’~

Hello! Its Zhan! It is our amazing leader Shinyu’s turn! This was actually inspired by my own experience as I had to rush myself out of the train today 😮‍💨, I hope you enjoy this!

The night was cold as you huddle close to Shinyu. We were exploring around Japan, and the train station is so crowded, luckily we only brought a bag each so we didnt had to worry about our luggage, but people were walking so fast that they were pushing and bumping everybody. I had no choice but get closer to Shinyu to not be taken away from the crowd. Shinyu held me close and rub my back as we wait for our train to arrive, waiting in line. “I think the train has arrived.” He said tapping on my back as I hum in response. When the train arrive we both got in, luckily a seat was available and Shinyu offered force me to sit there. Shinyu situated himself and stand infront of me holding the railing above with his tall figure. He smiled looking down at me and I smiled back. 

The train was very crowded but the motion of the train felt really relaxing. I relax myself to Shinyu, putting my head on his stomach and closed my eyes, he kiss and stroke my forehead. “Ill tell you when to get out okay? Go rest.” He whispered, it was not long that I fell asleep.

After minutes felt like hours I felt Shinyu tap me. “Lets go,” I hum sleepily and got my stuff ready. The door soon open and many people rush outside, me and Shinyu were far in the back but due to not holding his hands tight, I was pulled back into the train from the people who entered. “Yuya!” I shouted and he too panic but before he could go back the door was shut close. I ran to the nearest window while the train start to move, he mouth the words “next station” and I nodded. This sudden event was shocking to me as I try to calm down my panic breath. 

The door open and I hurriedly walk out of the train. The station was more crowded than before and with my anxiety increasing I ended up sitting close to one of the pillars at the station. I close my ears with my hands as I focus on evening my breath, but without Shinyu around it was harder than expected. “Shinyu..”

A few hours pass and the next train arrive, it was less crowded than before and fast footsteps were getting closer to me. My anxiety increases thinking that a bad person was coming my way but the footsteps stop. “Y/n,” Shinyu said, kneeling down to my level. I opened my eyes and was welcome with his pair of concern eyes. On instinct, I jump towards him hugging him tight stumbling down on the floor. “Hey, hey, its okay, Im here now.”

“I-i was so scared and all of a sudden I had a panic attack and-and I couldn’t calm down and-and-“

“Its alright, I get how you feel, Im sorry for letting go.”

“No- its not your fault, I wasnt holding tight too, its my fault too.”

“Its my fault too, I could have go back but I couldn’t I was so scared for you for the past 40 minutes. The train wasn’t coming so- I hope these could make up for it.” He showed a bag of all of my favourite snacks and a plushie. I teared up and hug him back tight. “Im just glad, im with you right now.” He sigh in relief hugging me back. “Me too darling, me too.” We sat there on the floor hugging each other until its time to go back to the hotel. Throughout the walk, Shinyu held my hand tightly while I lean on him. Not wanting any space left at the moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Please do not steal my works!)

[xamaxenta]

I’m super interested in Rouge and the kind of person she would have been. If I’m correct Roger was in his fifties when he was with her, and even if you account for supernatural anti-menopause One Piece magic it really doesn’t seem like she was 50 when she gave birth to Ace. She was a younger woman from an isolated island enamored by this older pirate with crazy stories. She’s often portrayed as kind and graceful but she did let all those women be killed for her sake and her baby’s.

She clearly has a very strong and fascinating temper. I think she would be resentful of Roger for dying on his own terms, for leaving her alone in such a difficult situation, for endangering her and their baby. I love to think of her as a woman scorned.

Mostly because I’m kind of obsessed with the idea of Ace being haunted by her, by this mother figure that gave him everything but whose grudge was passed onto him. She gave her life for him and so he has to live for both of them, and her anger and resentment resonates with his own and cannibalises him from within

Ace is simply carrying on the Portgas legacy in which all of them fall madly in love with a powerful lawbreaking pirate twice their age

Jokes aside regarding age differences bc i totally believe Roger was fifty something and Rouge was very young im saying around 22 or smth to make it tragique

And yes i agree with all of your analysis the ferocious temper the woman scorned the anger and resentment

I dont think Roger beat around the bush i think he told her truthfully what he intends to do with the rest of his limited time: Rouge i am going to die there is no known cure, i will be giving myself up to the navy and they will execute me

And this is where she stops smiling, all of the content we have of her is this serious unsmiling expression, a desolate sort of grimness that absolutely resonates throughout her son — except for when Ace was born, she was smiling then it was the most expressive weve seen her

I like your input on the infanticide and how she let all those other babies and women suffer and die for the sake of her own, we know its not her fault is it a crime to love? Just like how Ace felt it was a crime to even live

Poignant stuff if im to put on my weeb monocle lmao thank u for this amazing ask i will proceed to think deeply abt Miss Rouge

[elsewhereuniversity]

[you find this note slipped under the door of wherever these messages tend to end up. physically, it seems to be a collage of clippings from a cheaply-printed booklet, the original material possibly from the 1920s or 30s. said clippings are haphazardly glued down to sheets of ripped-out notebook paper, globs of purple gunk sitting wet and uncured around the edges. the message fills several pages and each has a small hole roughly gouged into the upper left-hand corner, the papers loosely tied together with what appears to be a young vine. beside the bundle lay a few scattered shards of some brittle, curved substance; the concave side a matte off-white, the convex a mottled and imperfect but nonetheless mesmerizing gold.]

Hello again, Archivist! I’ve got a finite number of words to deliver my request with, so I’ll try my best to make this brief (not something I’m very good at.) In short, I must return to you the name I received from this office last semester, preferably in exchange for a new one. ASAP.

Word’s gone around that there’s a considerable demand for second-hand safe names, so I hope somebody else will be able to put Lima Bean to good use.

(Yes, the name I was originally given came only with the first half of that, the latter just kind of… sprung up on its own, I guess? Which, now that I think about it, may have been where all this mess began. Dangit.)

But yeah, I really, really need to ditch this name. Oh, it’s not the name’s fault! Lima Bean is a perfectly serviceable name and would be found more than adequate by anybody who does not match a vague physical/affectual description of myself a person very much like me.

(Side note: for the sake of whoever receives it next, it’s probably best to avoid handing my old name over to anybody who’s nearsighted enough to need glasses, regularly wears a backwards baseball cap, and/or speaks with a Southern drawl. It’s nobody’s fault if those traits come about naturally once the student gets a bit more acquainted with Lima Bean - that’s just the nature of hand-me-downs. But by the time it would take for that to happen, this’ll all have blown over anyways I hope.)

(Side note to the side note: does student health insurance cover contact lenses?)

With what words I’ve still got, I might as well ask you to publish/pass on some advice to my fellow folklore majors (NOT those “practical application” lunatics that may call themselves “folklore,” the actual folklore majors who only apply their knowledge in a practical manner when absolutely necessary.)

Let’s say, hypothetically, that you’re down to the wire in regards to getting an ethnographic fieldwork assignment turned in before the deadline.

Let’s also say, still hypothetically, that you’re having a downright devil of a time finding anybody to interview for said fieldwork - flyers did nothing, cold-calling was both mortifying and ineffectual, your Google ad campaign garnered no clicks, and after the sixth entity you summoned with that scroll you dug out of the dumpster ‘round the back of the library left you stewing in easy-listening hold muzak for well over the time it takes any reasonable entity to use the bathroom, you ruled that route a dead end as well.

At this point, you’re getting pretty desperate; hypothetically, you may even be desperate enough to try blindly wandering around the forest.

Now, I ain’t saying that this is from experience, but my advice in this hypothetical situation is as follows: DON’T.

Turn yourself right back around and just talk it out with your professor, they’re far more understanding in reality than in the lies your anxiety concocts and they will almost certainly help you to figure something out. What you absolutely, certainly, 100%-ly DO NOT want to do is immediately wander off and eschew the safety of the hiking trails, getting yourself horribly, terribly, hopelessly lost.

DON’T keep walking until your feet pull you to a clearing of the trees.

DON’T approach the center of the clearing, where the gnarled green flesh of some monstrous verdure stretches from the earth to far beyond what sky your all-too-human (and all-too-nearsighted) eyes can perceive.

DON’T remember the stories your father used to tell you, stories of towering beanstalks and those who make their homes at the tops of them, of golden harps and golden geese, of fortunes sought and giants fought.

And DON’T, with your reckless naivety, get the bright idea that now is the perfect time to try out door-to-door cold knocking.

…

And if you DO, then for goodness’ sake try to abide by the bare minimum standards of courtesy-cognizant ethical decorum.

In this hypothetical situation, it’s safe to assume that the sweet old lady who answered the door of the oversized cottage was a Good Neighbor, (the house was magic and made of clouds and I you got there from the forest, I you have gone ahead and connected the dots,) but you really should be a respectful houseguest regardless of the interviewee’s speculated species.

For instance, it’s good practice to accept offers of breaking bread with humans as the sharing of a meal is both a great chance for participant observation and a delicious way to build rapport - circumstances are different when working with the Gentry, but you can still be cool about it and acknowledge that the offer is appreciated, refraining from inadvisable participation yet still accompanying them as they eat.

Another example of ethical conduct can be found at the very beginning of any interaction with a subject of documented research: consent forms and/or verbal agreements. This might look something like establishing boundaries around what information will be shared and whether or not recordings, if taken, will be publicly available - that is, if you’re conducting the interview of a more mundane subject.

If you’re conversing with, say, an elderly Fair Lady who’s three times your size and could easily crush your bones to make her bread with one arthritic hand tied behind her back, it may more closely resemble the locking-down of a Deal as you go about setting up your trusty microphone and laptop on her stratocumulus coffee table.

(That prime flat surface real estate had, moments before your arrival, been occupied by one of the Lady’s many, many pet geese, the bird’s softly shimmering feathers indistinguishable from the puffy wisps of cloud were it not for the fine gold doily separating the two.)

(Post-eviction, you could also tell them apart by the affronted honks and wing-flapping of indignation, both behaviors that are rather uncharacteristic of clouds.)

One last difference that’s very important to keep in mind for your fieldwork is the type of equipment you’ll be using.

Both pen & paper and digital tools each have their own unique merits when dealing with humans, but obviously you want to avoid electronic devices when interviewing the Fair Folk due to the almost always unstable and very often volatile consequences of their interactions with technology.

Yes, it would be no good at all if, hypothetically, in the process of checking your recording set-up, you absent-mindedly handed a sweet old Lady the equivalent of a live grenade in a small room occupied by herself, yourself, and a dozen or so of her beloved pet geese.

It would be slightly less bad if, hypothetically, that bomb of metal and magic and electricity happened to go off in an extremely humid environment, such as a cloud, where the water molecules in the air and coating the surface of every creature helped to disperse the dangerous discharge, saving everything and everyone from serious damage (apart from your microphone.)

But it would still be significantly worse than okay if, hypothetically, a dozen or so perfectly healthy geese were still reeling from the moderately nasty shock.

And if those geese, as geese often do, got pissed off.

And if those geese, as geese only do on occasion, made an fairly logical guess at the source of their adverse fortunes.

And if those geese, as geese always do, chose violence…

Well, it’d be pretty damn bad.

…

I well and truly running out of words now, so I’ll quit beating around the bush; as you have have guessed, my interview with the elderly Lady did not end very well.

I feel terrible for saying it, but I’m relieved it was her and not me who drew the collective ire of the flock - the fowl beasts were supersized just like her, and believe me when I say that being pursued by one teenager-sized toothed-tongue terror is enough mortal peril for anybody.

Remember that one goose I had kicked off the coffee table? (Not literally, I was gentle as could be when handling her and she still found my actions as deserving of the utmost contempt.) Well, she was still so vexed with me that when my microphone blew up, she refused to consider any explanation of her pain where the blame rested on any shoulders but my own and reacted accordingly.

I was still recovering from both the explosion and bearing witness to the biblically-accurate mass of flailing feathers and gnashing beaks that then towered before me, but if nothing else, a goose on your tail is an excellent source of motivation.

Somehow, my laptop found its way back to me (shockingly, pardon the pun, none the worse for wear,) and the goose and I tore our way through the cottage and out the doggy-door.

(goosy-door?)

(gander-gateway.)

The finer details of how I made it back down to terra firma are lost to me, but I’d wager the multitude of bruises across my entire body have something to do with it.

(Does the student health insurance cover that as well? How about goose bites?)

(…do we even have student health insurance?)

Regardless of the methodology, when I came to I found myself in the forest once more, a few paces off to the side of a major trail. Back in (relatively) familiar territory, albeit with a (relatively) unfamiliar goose venting out the last of her excess anger through the healthy outlet of creative expression - her fangs served as her brushes, my poor shin her canvas.

Really, once she chills out and knows the taste of your flesh, she’s sweet as anything. I’ve taken to calling her Audrey III; as of yet, no complaints have been made.

(Oh yeah, I may or may not have lowered a suspiciously metallic ovoid object down through the mail slot - I didn’t hear a crack so if it hasn’t rolled off, I’d love to know your judgement on whether or not the resultant omelet is mundane enough to eat.)

I suppose she’ll be staying with me for a while, seeing as I’ve got no way of reliably navigating back to the beanstalk, if it’s even still there.

I feel terrible about what happened up there, even worse about what might happen to me (or any other Lima Bean) if things aren’t set right - I’ll not commit any admission of debt to words, but please do let me know, Archivist, if there’s any chance the Edible Arrangements deliveryperson would be able to find her.

…

So, looping back to the start of this letter, I hope you’ve got a student who’ll find some use for Lima Bean and pray that you’ll be able to find me a replacement safe name soon.

Don’t worry, I’m not completely nameless - I’ve got a spare for emergencies like this, a well-worn hand-me-down from my dad. He wasn’t even the first to use it, I know it was Grandmomma’s at one point too.

That’s why I’m hesitant to wear it for too long: it’s only natural for hand-me-downs to press on you somewhat with the weight of their accumulated legacies, and I haven’t got a clue as to how many lifetimes this one has endured for. But it’s all I’ve got, I suppose, so I might as well use it.

I’ll leave you to your work, Archivist - may your day be pleasant and your night be peaceful.

Patiently (hopefully) awaiting your response,

- Jack, a Folklore Major

x

note from the Archivist - Well, on the off-chance it’s not too late entirely, take the name Balderdash, and perhaps also, going forward, your own advice.

[silviafae]

You've gotta stop, hun. I'm sorry you got involved with DoL at its literal conception and were young enough that it did your mental state substantial harm. I'm not of the opinion that all sexual material should be kept away from anyone under 18, but 9 years old is just insane to me and I don't think anyone in their right mind would allow such a thing if they found out; particularly because 9-year-olds aren't likely to have the freedom and open dialogue with safe adults required to prevent things like porn addiction. Genuinely, that sucks, and I know there's nothing that can be done to fix it now.

That said, it's no one else's fault unless someone knew about your age and deliberately got you into the game. Then it would solely be their fault. Your understanding of porn and sex in general seems to have been skewed by your negative experience, but attacking the game and the people who play it isn't helping. This fandom really can be wonderful and wholesome; I can't tell you how many people (myself included) found it therapeutic after their own negative experiences because it deals with hypersexuality, a common result of such experiences, and being able to take back control. The fandom can also be very toxic at times. I don't want you to get dogpiled. Please back off for the sake of your own mental health and wellbeing and focus on healing instead. No matter the situation, thinking about something that hurt you so much is never good for you.

On the other hand, the people in the DoL fandom don't need it either. There are a lot of heavier mental-health-related things here you don't understand yet (I'm referring to your posts here; not your age) and that's okay. You don't have to understand them; you can live and let live here and safely assume that the 18+ y/o people playing this game have their own agency and can decide what's right for them. What someone else does in their free time does you no harm, so please do not harm them.

I say again: Please stop with the discourse and focus on your happiness. People are going to defend the things that help them heal from their traumas to hell and back, so you're really whacking a bee hive doing this.

I appreciate your kindness, and I understand where you’re coming from.

Honestly I was gonna write something long but new meds are kicking my ass, so all I’m going to say is, you guys should probably find new media, I don’t hate the players, moreso the game and its writers, and I know I can’t shut down the whole fandom. Also i know ive made the fandom hate me now, but it would be super cool if you labeled all DoL content mature and didn’t make crossposts with other fandoms, because thats how I found it.

I’ll back off a bit and shift to making fun of other dark content (like the fic about gojo and a lesbian) but I will respond to my inbox.

Thank you for your kindness, I hope you evenually heal from what happened to you, and censor shit

[obihiro-division]

Hisoka’s Thoughts on Shizuoka Division

Kanon Hojo

“K-Kanon?! What happened to her? She looks… Awful. Look, I didn’t really connect with the other scientists and interns in that development team, but Kanon was a person who made me… Hesitate a little on my plans. She is, sorry, was a gentle soul when I knew her. It was refreshing to see someone like her when I was stuck in a team of growing skeptics, including myself.”

“It’s selfish, but I can’t help feeling like its my fault. Even if I probably have nothing to do with whatever happened to her. I hope that maybe I could talk with her? F-For once, I have a chance to hear from someone about what happened to the completed project we all worked so hard on! Get to know what happened between me uhm… Let’s say, borrowing my learned knowledge to the point I’m in this Division Rap Battle. And I can hear out Kanon, learn what made her change so much. It’s the one thing I can gain from being trapped in this situation, right?” 

Reika Aichi

“I’m… Not anywhere close to her level in the social hierarchy. Pretty sure I’ve heard rumors about her from Daiki. Something about her being a witch? That’s probably a far stretch, but that still isn’t a very good sign.”

Sakura Kito

“Kito as in… Kito-gumi? Fuck, well, might as well dig my own grave now. Or maybe she won’t notice I’m back? I know Irina probably hasn’t forgotten. She hated us with a passion, even when the H-Act passed and ruined everyone’s trafficking business. God, why does everyone horrible have to be in this damned rap battle?! I thought this was a peaceful little competition for a bunch of fangirls to swoon over, not an execution specifically designed for me! I didn’t ask to be in this mess!”

Silent Tragedy

“...Do you think Kito will let me live just a little longer so I can get at least a little bit of closure from Kanon? Just a hypothetical situation, but I’d like to have my last meal speaking with her. It’s the least the government can give me for whatever crimes they think I did to deserve this treatment. Let me die peacefully, like this team’s name. A Silent Tragedy from start to end…”

[selkiewife]

This artwork I just reblogged below this post is so interesting to me because I have rarely seen artwork of Reek that is so menacing. I kind of love it for its defiance. The Theon Sea Reek of it all. And yet I was just thinking last night about the creation of the false self- through either abusive culture or abusive family, etc. I have often really identified and loved reading and interacting with the "meek" aspects of Reek in the novel (and fic and the show) the one that says, "I... I deserved it. I made him angry," to Jeyne when she points out how much he's been hurt. I always wonder why I am so attached to that aspect. And I think it's because it is very similar to one of my own false selves. And I see him in myself. The meek one. The one who says, no all of this was my fault all along.

Sometimes I am more attached to witnessing a character's false self than I am their authentic self. Though I rejoice and celebrate when they have moments of triumph- usually while finally embracing their authentic self - I often wonder why I love focusing on false self expressions so much. And Theon is such a quagmire of that because of how many times he's had to invent a false self- right from the beginning when we meet him, he has already done this because of the hostage situation... But it might be that... I have had this false self inside me so long and I hate it but I also want to love it/understand it/ be kind to it. Be like, "You came about to help me survive and thank you, but I need to give you a hug and let you go now." But when I let that part of me go I am left with such searing anger. Maybe that is why I have the tag #my heart belongs to reek. I don't know.

I am not sure if any of this makes sense. This is definitely not a meta. More of a personal post. Does anyone else feel the same? Does anyone else feel this way in regards to Theon? No pressure to respond. Just rambling into the void- but welcoming connection if it comes lol.