Every now and again I come back here and read about what could have been. I could be here with two boys or girls or one of each, age 4 and almost 3. Pregnancies that never were to begin with. Nothing is worse than aching for something you can't have. Maybe you would've had two different dads, I'd have loved you both just the same. Sometimes I think about everything we could have done together, how you'd be so sweet and unique little things, my own creations. Trips to the zoo and playing in the dirt, learning about everything the world has to offer. Having two small beings who love me undeniably as I would love them. My heart hurts.
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Okay but when I say I'm normal about Miguel O'Hara I mean it cause idk what some of y'all got going on but it's Not Normal which is Not Wrong but at the least it's Very Concerning
I can assure you going to IKEA with that man is ten thousand times more thrilling than sleeping with him
Y'all seem to think he's the type to be doing you all night long. Mama that dudes a father.
He falls asleep on the couch at 9pm watching Jeopardy snoring loud as hell and if you touch the remote he's suddenly awake going 'I was watching that 🤨'
You tryna get ya freak on and you all into it then 'brrng brrng' there's an anamoly in earth 42069 and he gotta leave cause the squad getting they asses beat. Now sit ya horny ass down. 😐
Y'all wanna sleep with him so bad. I'm not sleeping in the same bed as him. If he rolls over on you it's game over you're dead you're Gabriella you're gone
Im not taking the risk
He's so sexy and fuckable I wanna take him out to brunch.
He's so dom and top and hot or whatever. I wanna decorate an apartment with him. I want to watch him pick out baby clothes
What does he want the nursery to look like
You know what gets me hot and bothered? The thought of going to a baby parenting class with Miguel and a bunch of other new parents.
Biggest dude in a whole room full of parents and babies and his baby is the smallest and he's sitting there on the ground criss-cross applesauce
NOW AIN'T THAT CUTE
You over there trying to make a baby I'm here tryna build a family we are NOT the same
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katsuki jumps, startlingly, when you rub a hand up his back.
he's leaned too far down, bent over the counter at an angle that will give him an ache he'll complain about later, and his head whips up as you come to stand beside him. an e-mail on his phone is what previously had his full attention, but now he looks at you, eyes softening as you lean into his shoulder.
he's never been a very touchy guy. even after a year into your relationship, it's most often you reaching for his hand as you walk down the street; you pressing a kiss into his cheek while watching a movie on the couch; you running a hand through his hair as his breath steadies out beside you in bed.
it's not something you really complain about. you know how he is, knew before anything developed between the two of you, and you can't say it's a deal-breaker. there's little you know about his previous relationships or if he even had any, but you have the painful-gut feeling that affection just isn't something he's used to.
you press a smile into the sleeve of his shirt and his spine relaxes under your hand, finds that awful curve again. he watches you like he's waiting for something, tracing the tender details of your face.
"love you," you say, because do and you want to voice it aloud, put it into his mind even though you know he knows. as expected, his lips flatten into a wavering little line, shy suddenly, and your teeth wet the fabric of his shirt when you smile.
all you get is a little grunt in response and he dips his chin down in a wordless nod, accepting your lovey-dovey assault. it makes him feel a little helpless, you know, but you bring up an arm to wrap around him as he turns back to his phone, ears pink.
katsuki straightens with a dull pop!, stretching his arms up and allowing you to shuffle closer, so that your head is resting on his chest. you press your ear to it and wait, eyes closed, until the heavy promise of his heartbeat echoes like a drum in your ear. it's loud, and after a moment, your own falls into sync, right where it belongs.
"'s'wrong?"
"hm?" you glance up at him, the frown on his pink face, before breathing in the clean scent of his laundry soap. your laundry soap. and then you shake your head. "nothin'. just missed you."
"been home all day."
"i know," you sigh, letting your eyes fall shut again. the sound of his phone locking clicks and you can feel the slight down-slide of his sweatpants when he pockets it. "sometimes i miss you even though you're right here."
you expect — something; another grunt or laugh through his nose, a raspy little noise that voices his confusion. things like this can be hard for him; you know how he is, knew before anything ever developed between the two of you — but you don't think it makes him any less deserving.
katsuki steps back from you a little, and you feel the hesitant rise of his arm before you feel it. his hand comes up to your face — pink and scarred in your peripheral vision — and he tilts your head up, waits until you open your eyes.
when you do, it looks as if a million things are running through his head. his poker-face is good, it has to be, but you can see little bits of his vulnerability shining through. you wonder how long it's been since he showed it to anybody. he almost looks sad.
katsuki squeezes your cheeks until your lips pucker, and his frown deepens when you laugh. "y're so...damn weird."
that's along the lines of what you were anticipating: one of his teasing little insults, warm with a fire he's still learning how to kindle. you don't get the chance to say anything before he's kissing you, eyes shut tight, lashes brushing against your own.
you expect something soft, because affection is a fickle thing, from him — but his hand never falls from your face and his tongue is sliding with yours suddenly, a heated gesture that throws your heart out of whack. you let him kiss you as deeply as he can, until your back arches painfully backward over the counter as he leans into you.
when he pulls away, his lips are a little swollen and his cheeks are burning, as he presses one into yours. "i—jus'—" katsuki tries and then abandons it, a hand curling into the material of your shirt. "i get it." he murmurs, there, into the heated skin of your face, heart beating in time with yours.
things like this are hard with him — but he makes them so, so worth it.
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