#i woke up at 6:20 am and this is how i spend my morning?

[nickfowlerrr]

all i want

pairing: andy barber x curvy!reader

words: 1.7k

warnings: 18+ only. cockwarming. little tiny bit of teasing. liiiittle bit of a daddy kink.

notes: shockingly enough, this was meant to be a drabble. it very much is not. enjoy!

inspired by this txt post, this is one of seven characters i’m writing this prompt of sorts for. thank you in advance for reading and as always, reblogs and comments and welcome and so appreciated.

It’s all perfectly innocent to start the night, really it is. Your yearly tradition of watching Miracle on 34th Street after trimming the tree is one that neither of you would want to skip out on. And so far this season, between the trial that has had Andy so stressed and your long shifts at the hospital, there has been quite a bit you’ve ended up skipping.

You paid to have the Christmas lights strung up instead of decorating yourselves, the Christmas tree this year came from the grocery store parking lot Andy passed on his way home yesterday instead of the tree farm you always went to to chop down your own, and your annual Christmas Eve party is a no go this year, too. You’re both too busy, too stressed, too tired.

Andy sits on the couch, getting the movie ready to play, while you’re in the kitchen. You slide the bowl of cookie dough you whipped up into the fridge to chill for an hour or two before baking right as the kettle begins to whistle.

You walk back over to the stove, moving it off the burner before carefully pouring the boiling water into the waiting mugs of coco powder.

“Andy, do you want marshmallows?” you call, knowing your voice will carry into the next room. You stir the powder as you wait for his response, plopping a few mini marshmallows into your mug before your face scrunches up a bit. You turn, ready to peek into the living room to repeat yourself, and jump a bit as you’re met with Andy leaning in the doorway.

His arms are crossed over his chest and you are momentarily distracted by how big his arms look in his sweater. You know it’s soft and you can’t wait to cuddle into him and finally have a chance to relax while you watch the movie.

Your eyes flit to his and then you finally see the look of incredulity on his handsome, bearded face. You’re about to ask him what’s wrong, but he speaks before you can.

“Did you just call me Andy?” he asked, sounding disgusted and a little distraught.

You gape a moment, thinking back to what it was you said, and almost immediately realize that you indeed did. You flounder for only a second before shaking your head, “No,” you lie, “I dont think so.”

“Yes,” he states, pushing off the doorframe and starting toward you, “you did.”

You back up, bumping into the counter behind you as he stalks closer. You fight your smile as a thrill runs through you when he cages you in, his arms either side of you as he stands right before you. He leaves almost no space between you and you can see in his eyes what you’re sure he can see in yours.

Longing, desire, and maybe just a hint of desperation…

It’s been two weeks since you have had anything close to alone time together. Your shifts have been all over the place and you’re either heading to work as Andy is coming home, or leaving just as he gets up to start getting ready for his day. Even your weekends have been taken over. Andy has been working nonstop, but you both promised each other that this weekend would be just for you two. No work, no parties, no distractions. The closest thing to intimate you’ve gotten in two weeks has been your parting kisses. You’ve only shared the bed a few days this past week and you’ve both been so exhausted that the furthest you’ve gotten has been cuddling.

So right here and now, that look in his eyes, you know you’re both thinking about the same thing.

“I’m sorry,” you offer in your attempt to appease him.

“You’re sorry …,” he prompts, waiting for you to address him.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” you press against him, a smile playing on your lips. “Babe…honey…love,” you continue with the pet names, your fingers dancing across his sweater clad chest before you lean in real close, your lips against his ear before you whisper breathily, “Daddy.”

The sharp breath he takes at the title has you biting your lip to stop the smirk threatening to break out.

You let a hand come up, squeezing the back of his neck gently before your fingers find his hair, almost playing with it as you massage his neck a bit. Andy drops his head as his eyes close under your touch, pressing you back against the counter as he leans into you. He lets out a heavy sigh as your other hand comes up to cup his cheek.

“You’re so tense,” you say, leaning in to kiss him softly. He returns the kiss, his arms coming closer and wrapping around you, pulling you flush to him.

“I’ve missed you,” he murmurs against your lips, your noses brushing.

“I’ve missed you, too,” you kiss him gently once more before letting him go, turning back around to the mugs of coco waiting for you.

Andy doesn’t let you go, just watches as you finish making the cups.

You lean your head back, “marshmallows?” you ask again, earning a smile and a nod from him.

-

The still warm mugs of hot chocolate are on the coffee table before you as you snuggle into Andy.

That tingle you got earlier in the kitchen still hasn’t gone away as you hug Andy, his arm holding you to him in turn.

You don’t want to force anything. You’re both tired, that’s obvious, but god, you miss him. All of him.

You don’t even really want to have sex right now, you just want to be closer. You need him closer.

His eyes are open but you can see the exhaustion in the slightest squint of his eyes as he watches the screen. You lean up, pressing your lips delicately against his exposed throat, once, twice, three times as you work your way up.

“Mmm,” he breathes deeply, holding back a moan under your attention. “Baby,” he warns.

“I know,” you say, a hand rising to stroke his hair as you sit up and move into his lap. “I know, I’m tired, too. We don’t have to do anything,” you let your head rest against his, your noses brushing once more, “I just… I just want to feel you,” you speak so quietly but he can hear the plea in your voice and it squeezes his chest. And he can’t lie and say that the desperation he hears isn’t turning him on a bit, either.

If you want to feel him, he’ll make sure you feel him.

Your hands are lightly in his hair, holding his head as you lean in to kiss him. One kiss, you breathe into him as you pause against each others lips, then another, and another, before your tongue licks into his mouth. He sucks on you lightly before his tongue takes over, his effortless dominance always winning out.

You can feel him growing beneath you and you feel yourself growing slicker in turn.

You pull away from his kiss reluctantly to stand and rid yourself of your pajama pants, while he drags his sweats down. His cock is hard and you inhale sharply at the sight. It’s only been two weeks but you’d almost forgotten just how big he really is.

You hold his shoulder, his hands coming to your chubby waist as you come back to your spot on his lap. You’re on your knees, straddling him as you position yourself above him. One of his hands comes to his cock, the other sliding down your curves as he grips your hip.

He moves his dick up and down your pussy, playing with your wetness as your eyes shut in delight at the feeling, your hands squeezing his shoulders.

He gets himself wet with your slick before he lines the head of his cock up to your entrance. His hand on your hip urges you down, and you slowly sink onto his thick length. You moan in unison as you take him in, a “fuck” leaving Andy’s lips when the first inch of him was finally inside of you.

His hand is holding you, his thumb rubbing the soft, blemished skin of your hip as he urges you to take more of him with his sweet praises.

“You take me so well, baby. Just a little bit more, I know you can do it. Doing so good, sweetheart. Always so fucking good,” he full on moans the last few words as you sit fully on his strong lap with a whimper. He’s seated completely inside of you as you bury your head in his neck.

You feel his lips as he kisses your head, his hand rubbing your back soothingly while the other lightly kneads your thick thigh.

You sigh heavily, relaxing into him as you rest your head against his chest, your velvety walls squeezing his cock of their own volition every so often, earning moans from both of you as he keeps you full of him, the movie still playing as you try to focus on that instead.

But you’re so tired, and so content in Andy’s hold, the pleasure and closeness enough to lull you asleep, you do just that. The cookies can wait until tomorrow.

Andy is smiling to himself as he holds you, he hasn’t been this relaxed since before the start of his current trial. Because with you this close, he’s calm and more than content. This is what he’s been needing. You.

He tenses just a little when your walls squeeze him again, a soft moan slipping past your lips. He moans quietly in turn, still holding you tight.

A moment passes and he has to laugh at the soft snore that leaves you next. He doesn’t want to leave your warmth just yet, he wants to feel you - it’s been too long. So he’ll finish the movie and then he’ll bring you to bed. You’ll cuddle and sleep in each other’s embrace, and all the while he’ll be sure to keep you full of him.

And when you wake up in the middle of the night with his cock still inside of you, your wetness leaking out from around his thick length, he won’t mind one bit about getting woken up by you fucking yourself stupid on his cock. He’s all yours, whenever you want him. And he still owes you for your teasing in the kitchen. He’ll make sure to show you exactly just how much Daddy has missed you.

[loving08]

I Love You

Aaron Hotchner x Y/N

Summary: Y/N has been working in the BAU for a year now, she is satisfied where she is along with her crush on her Boss Aaron Hotchner, but the entry of a new person would broke her or will she be able to be with man she love.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Epilogue

The sound of knocking woke Y/N up from her sleep, rubbing her eyes Y/N got up and goes to open the door, she saw Spencer outside waiting for her with a go bag in his hand. She stepped aside to let him in and asked "Spencer what are you doing here at....uhh...3:20 am in the morning". Spencer puts his go bag on the floor and turned towards her and said "I knew you will not check your phone, we have a case, so get ready we will go together".

Y/N just nodded her head and goes to her room to get changed. Her and Spencer get along very well, working for a year in the BAU and she found herself her best friend, she and Spencer connected instantly, firstly they both were the youngest of the team, Y/N was just 21 and Spencer was 24 and just like Spencer she also has an IQ of 190, so knowledge was common factor that they connected first. she always told Spencer everything even her crush on her boss, he was the only one who knew about her feelings and kept her secret, she knew she can always go to him and he will always be there whenever she needed him.

After getting ready she goes to the living room and grabs her go bag and they both left to go to the jet directly. Upon reaching there they parked the car and go to the jet. Going inside they saw all the team members have already arrived but they both noticed a new person sitting beside Aaron hotchner, the seat that would always be occupied by Y/N was occupied by someone else, it was odd for not only Y/N but everyone else as they have all known that seat has been always occupied by Y/N so they all thought it was a little weird but didn't said anything.

Sensing eyes on himself Hotch looked up from the file and said "ah yes I forgot, this is Agent Beth Archer she is an intern, she will be working with us in this case". Everyone introduced themselves and when it was Y/N turn Beth ignored her. Y/N felt awkward and seat beside Spencer. After everyone gets comfortable Hotch turned on the tap and Garcia face appears on the screen "Hello my lovelies, how you all doing, hope good" said Garcia. Hotch looked at the tap and said "what do we have", "ohh....yeah so 3 teenagers were kidnapped yesterday afternoon in Ohio from a party they were attending. Parents didn't think too much about it since they assumed they were at the other's house spending the night, but called it in when all of their parents did not hear from them after they were dropped off. Missing is Sarah Mitchell age 15, Dantae Pitterson age 16 and Belly Pitterson age 16".

Y/N looked at the picture of the victims on her tap and said "twins I assume?", "yes and no one know where they went after the party was over". Emily tilted her head and said "okay but why are we being called in? I mean its a big deal that the teenagers are missing but maybe the kids just decided to go to somewhere or something".

"That would be a way to think about it, but this a kidnapping because the families have received tape recordings with messages from their kids and were send notes with their bloods saying they'll be returning the kids dead bodies if they didn't give $600,000 dollars to the given account number and that they only have 48 hours to get their children's back" said Garcia. "Do we know the relationship between these kids? friends? Dating? Relatives? classmates?" JJ asked. "friends since childhood, the messages to the Pitterson's are same as Sarah's. They are working on limited time that's why we are being called for this case and the Pitterson's are very high maintenance and a well respected family, Anthony Pitterson is the volleyball coach at the local high school and Mary Pitterson is the President of the Council of Community Scools".

Y/N frowned and said "what bout Sarah's parents?", "umm...she lives with her dad Samual Mitchell, her mom Laila Mitchell died 4 years ago due to a Road accident. The Pittersons and the Mitchells knew each other from high schools and stayed friends" said Gracia. Y/N nodded her head when Morgan asked her "why you wanted to know about the Mitchells?". Y/N looked at Morgan and said "its just....there's barely anything about the Mitchells in the file and its all about the Pitterson. I just hope they realize that Sarah is missing and she is just as important as the other kids even if her father is not a big shot". This mad Morgan cough to cover his laugh but nodded his head agreeing to her statement.

Hotch grabbed his others files and said " we can ask questions when we get there, get some rest, we all be needing it".

After a while later Hotch looked at the team and said " when we reach Ohio I want Rossi and Morgan to go and interview the Pittersons, JJ, Prentiss and Archer will go talk to the kids who attended the party, Reid I want you to look at the notes and the recordings with Garcia again, and Y/N I want you to interview Mr. Mitchell". Everyone Nodded but Beth looked up at Hotch and said "can't I go with you or stay close to you, I'm not that much comfortable with everyone as I am with you so...., please" and gave him a sad look. Everyone can see what she is trying to do, Y/N and Spencer locked eyes with each other and they both shared a look. Hotch looked at Beth and said "Agent Archer I know you are not used to the team yet and because of that I assigned you with my other Agents so that you can know them better, so take this chance to know them". and with that he turned back to his files.

Y/N knows what is going on, Beth also has a crush on Hotch but for the first time she felt like maybe.....maybe he might choose Beth over her and yeah that was not a good feeling.....at all. She shook her head and decided to focus on the case not noticing the way Hotch was looking at her, the soft look that he had only for her.

[tieronecrush]

hot & heavy

chapter seven: a conversation stuck in your throat

neighbor!joel x f!reader

series masterlist

series rating: E (18+ MDNI)

series summary:

over the course of three summers, joel miller becomes woven into your life. the first summer is spent falling for him; nannying his daughter and sneaking around with him in a burning love affair. you know how you feel about joel, he isn’t so sure about how it all is gonna work. the second summer is brief. a month spent at home after graduation and before you move to boston for your dream job. one look at you, one time hearing your voice, and joel is hooked again. he pines over you for that month, but you think — how is long distance of over a thousand miles going to work for a single dad? the third summer, you return home burnt out and pride bruised from your post-grad life. you need time to feel at home again, like your complete self, so you’ve come back home with no return ticket booked. it’s only a matter of time before joel seeks you out, slowly spending more time with you. without an inevitable end to the summer looming over you both, what chances are you willing to take?

word count: 8k

warnings: NO OUTBREAK (don’t need to worry about the mushies), no use of y/n, inexperienced/virgin reader, age gap (joel is 30/31, reader is 22), canon-divergent (sarah is 7 y/o), nanny au, pet names (sweetheart, darling, sweet girl, mariposa, etc.), polite southern manners (use of sir & ma’am), feeling familial and self-pressure, undefined relationship, likely poor spanish grammar, pining joel, DIRTY. TALK., sexting, fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v, POSSESSIVE!JOEL, lil splash of size kink, overstimulation (crying), consensual somno, praise kink up the wazoo, this chapter really speaks to the duality of man

6:00 AM

FROM: Joel 

Morning, mi Mariposa

I thought about you last night.

6:20 AM

Any chance you would come over early for me, sweetheart?

I really missed you when you were away.

Promise you can nap later.

In my bed.

6:23 AM

You could even sleep right away if you wanted.

Would you let me touch you while you were sleeping, darling?

Make you dream about me, and then when you wake up I’d be right there making you come.

Sounds nice, yeah?

6:45 AM

Mariposa

Sweet girl

Please wake up beautiful, I miss you.

I want you.

7:02 AM

Darling, I’m about this close to somehow climbing in your window and waking you up myself.

I’m aching for you, pretty girl. I keep hearing those sweet little sounds you make. You moaning my name or calling me sir.

I’m fucking leaking through my boxers at the thought of you.

7:20 AM

Mariposa, are you awake yet?

I don’t think I can wait any longer, sweetheart.

I need you so bad, mi diablita. I want to fuck you hard into my mattress. I want to fill you up, and then you can come on my cock after you ask me like the good girl I know you are.

You woke up a few minutes ago, your alarm blaring at 7:30 AM. Way earlier than you normally set it for, if you even set it during the summer, but you knew that Joel would be upset if you wasted a rare morning that he has alone.

When you picked up your phone and saw all the unread messages from him, the notifications made you smile. Scrolling through his messages, your smile turned into a smirk, satisfied with the way this man was on the verge of begging for you. It was a moment to savor — you knew as soon as you walked in his door that he would be making you plead for it. For his fingers, for his mouth, for his cock. Joel Miller loved to tease you, get you all worked up before he finally gave you what you wanted.

He always gave in, in the end.

7:34 AM

Joel, it’s Sunday morning.

The Lord’s Day.

And you’re sending me a bunch of dirty messages?

Scandalous!

7:34 AM

It’s my day to have you.

That proceeds any fucking guy in the sky.

7:35 AM

Soooo you’re gonna be mad if I tell you I’m getting ready for church?

7:35 AM

Mariposa, if you get over here right now I’ll make you see God.

No need for church.

Let me worship you, cielito.

Ten minutes later, you’re walking up to Joel’s door.

Your parents left for church early this morning, getting the first mass in so they could make it to the airport to pick up your brother. You sent your mom some excuse about hanging out with friends — something vague enough to not endure questioning but reason enough for your car to be home without you there.

Before your lifted hand can knock against the wooden door, it swings open to reveal Joel waiting with bated breath on the other side. It pulls a quiet giggle from your lips, the frantic look in his eyes, and the impatient tap of his foot.

“Were you waiting at the door this whole time, Joel?” you ask with a raise of your eyebrows, a grin pulling at your lips.

“No, ‘course not. I was keeping an eye on your front door from the couch. Just ran over when you were crossing the lawns,” Joel shrugs and brushes off the next look you give him, one that crinkles your eyes and spills a laugh from you.

“Adorable.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, enough laughin’ at me. Pretty sure that smug look is gonna be wiped off your face soon.” He smirks this time, taking one step to wrap an arm around your waist and pull you inside, closing and locking the door as he presses you up against it.

One hand holds you there at your hip, digging his thumb into the bone while the rest of his fingers bruise your skin from their tight grip. The other hand comes to rest against the wood next to your head, boxing you in. Looking down at you, he bends his head to trace his nose against yours, matching up your lips and hovering over the spot. Both of your mouths are slightly open, breathing slow exhales of warm air to each other.

It isn’t the first time he’s going to kiss you since you’ve seen him again. That was yesterday. But this moment feels different. Something stirs in your gut, as if it’s awakening from laying dormant while you were away from him.

“Been thinking of you all morning, darlin’,” his lips trail his humid breath across your cheek, his plush bottom lip grazing the skin at certain points. He settles next to your ear, speaking again with his voice with a low, syrupy, caramelly inflection, “Y’know, had a dream about you last night. Woke up so fucking hard. But I didn’t touch myself. Was waiting for the real thing.”

Teeth against the pulse point under your ear make you whimper, your legs buckling slightly from keeping them locked. Joel’s hand on your hip steadies you, his full body pressing against you and weighing you against the door.

“You gonna let me have it, sweetheart? Gonna be my good girl and let me take you over and over and over again until I’ve fucking spent everything I’ve been saving for you? Hm?”

 All you manage in response is a quiet moan, feeling his hard cock pressing into your stomach. You wiggle in his hold, another whimper that sounds more like a frustrated whine tumbling from your lips as you attempt to feel more of him.

“Nuh-uh. Gotta answer me, sweet girl. Are you gonna let me do that to you? Fuck you hard and rough and fill you up with me until it’s spilling out of you? You want that, mi diablita?”

“Yes yes yes, Joel. I want that. I want you, want your fingers, and-and your mouth. Fuck, I want your cock,” your head falls back with a thud on the surface behind you, eyes screwing shut as you try to calm yourself down from Joel’s thwarting.

“Oh, c’mon, sweetheart. What did I teach about manners last year? Gotta be polite if you want something.”

Your eyes snap open to be faced with Joel’s, darkened to a sable black. One corner of his mouth is lifted, the hand that was once resting on the wood moves to wrap around the front of your neck, using his thumb to tilt your chin up.

“Yes, sir. I want that, a lot. Please and thank you.” The last word comes out as a gasp muffled into Joel’s mouth as he kisses you deeply, immediately coaxing your mouth open and melting his tongue against yours. A moan strains from your throat as Joel grinds his bulge into you, boxers that he slept in tenting with a wet spot around his tip.

His hand at your hip shifts position, dragging up the curve of your side and taking the fabric of your shirt up with it. Under the wrinkles of material, his palm covers your breast, kiss paused for him to question you.

“Did ya wear somethin’ special for me, sweetheart? Feels like something real fancy here,” he punctuates with a squeeze of your breast, rough-working skin perking your nipple and causing you to keen with your head falling forward into the loose grip he has around your neck. He works to move your head up, meeting your eyes as he holds your chin up with an expectant look.

“Yes, sir. Wanted—” You are cut off with another squeeze to your breast, a leg of his pushing between your thighs and up against your center, “Wanted to look pretty for you. Since I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Joel’s grinning like a madman, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips that contrasts the dominating stance.

“Too good to me, Mariposa,” another kiss, “And you know you’re beautiful to me in anything you wear.” His tone is sincere — thoughtful and all heart. It sends a rush to that constant swirling in your stomach, raising that feeling to sit in the middle of your throat. He leaves you no space to respond, capturing your mouth in another heady kiss, pulling you away from the door with his arms circling around to rest one at your back on the band of your bra and the other at the nape of your neck.

“Upstairs,” he manages to get out once the two of you separate for a breath, guiding you back to the stairs. He unravels from you after a quiet huff of protest, encouraging push to your waist to turn around and climb the stairs. You move ahead of him, stumbling when he reaches out halfway up the staircase to grab at your thighs and stall you long enough to sink his teeth into the swell of your ass through the linen skirt you slipped on minutes ago in your bedroom.

“Joel! Christ, gonna make us fall down the stairs and get concussed,” you reach a hand back to swat him away, a whimper crawling out of your chest when he bites you again.

“Sorry, sweetheart. Couldn’t resist,” he chuckles as he finally lets you go completely, following you into his bedroom.

It’s a scramble of hands and limbs lifting and tugging to strip both of you down, Joel still in his boxers and you standing in the mesh cupped bra dotted with floral appliques and matching panties — both in a soft shade of Joel’s favorite color, purple. He steps back from you, hungry eyes canvassing your body in the lingerie before they flick up to your face and his tongue darts out to wet his lips.

“Really was for me, huh? Got something in my favorite color?” He walks you back to the edge of his bed, your knees bending to sit when the creases of them hit the mattress,  a wide smile on his face with no hint of teasing, “You are my sweet girl. Always thinkin’ of others. Can I show you how much I appreciate you, Mariposa? How much I missed you when you were away?”

“Yes please,” you gasp when his hand reaches between your legs, pressing slow-moving circles into your clit through the wet fabric sticking to your cunt. He bends forward to kiss you as his fingers slip under the mesh material, coating themselves with your arousal and pressing them into your entrance one knuckle deep before pulling out.

“Joel—”

“Patience, darlin’. Just need to get you onto the bed more,” he chuckles against your lips before he pushes on the backs of your thighs to coax you further toward the center of his mattress. He climbs onto it over you, spreading your legs and peeling your panties from your legs. He discards them at the end of the bed, the careless toss landing them on the corner of the frame.

“Did you like my messages, sweetheart?”

“Yes—yes, I did.”

He hums as he takes you in, strong eye contact as he asks you, “Did you like the idea of me waking you up by making you come?”

You nod quickly, gasping when his thumbs brush your nipples through your bra.

“I did, I really liked it. You could do it — I want you to do it. I trust you.”

His hand finds itself back at your center, the same two fingers running through your folds and pushing slowly into you to fill you up. Your eyes shut in response, breath hitching when he curls them up to press into your walls.

“Fuck, Joel…Missed this so much—missed you so much.”

“Mm, I know what you mean, sweetheart. Couldn’t ever get you out of my head. No one else has been in this bed since you, mi cielito. No quería a nadie más cuando todo lo que necesitaba eras a ti (I didn't want anyone else when all I needed was you).”

You think back to that handful of hookups you had, immediately feeling guilty that Joel had waited and you, well, you hadn’t. Granted, every time you ended up imagining it was Joel, closing your eyes and seeing him above you or below you. Imagining it was his hands on you.

But that does nothing to lessen the way you get choked up, unable to say anything both from the physical response of your body to Joel’s touch again, his fingers moving in and out of you at a perfect pace, and the emotional spiral you’re going through in your head.

If he expected a response, he says nothing, shifting to lie down on the bed between your legs and giving your inner thighs nips before he kisses your clit, flicking his tongue against the sensitive nub and drawing louder moans from you.

“Mm, fucking Christ, taste even sweeter than I remember, darlin’.”

His lips attach to your clit, sucking and flattening his tongue against you while his fingers thrust in and out of you, curling up to find that spot he knew well. It all comes barreling over you at once, pleasure erupting over your body suddenly. You clench around Joel’s fingers, flooding between your thighs and around his mouth. Your brain short circuits in one second, spilling your thoughts that were fighting to keep inside.

“I didn’t wait — I’m sorry, Joel. I didn’t—” Your hands grip the sheets, quick breaths in and out as you catch up to your quickened heart rate.

“Hey, sweet girl, it’s okay. Don’t need to wait for me to tell you every time you come,” he supports himself on an elbow and you can feel him looking at you as your eyes turn away, unable to face him as you make your confession clear.

“No, no — I mean, I didn’t…I slept with other people.”

Silence falls between the two of you, your eyes fixed on the nail of your left index finger scratching against the material of his bedsheets.

Joel’s hand gingerly grabs your chin, turning your head to face him and forcing your eyes to follow.

“Who?” His voice is low, vibrating in your ears.

“W-What?”

“Who was it?” Unwavering timbre.

“Um, just like a kid from one of my classes. A couple of guys I met at some parties throughout the year. Random. They were just random hookups.”

Joel hums as he stays between your legs, one finger pushing inside you as he speaks again.

“Ever hooked up with any of them more than once?”

His finger moves slowly, another added to stretch you more when you’re quiet. A moan falls from your lips, his other hand still holding your chin to look at him.

“I asked you a question, sweetheart…Did you see any of them more than once?”

His fingers curl into that one spot that makes your head dig back into the mattress, shaking your head wildly back and forth.

“No, no never. One time with each of them.”

You whimper when his hand moves faster, biting your bottom lip between your teeth and attempting to focus on him when he speaks.

“What were they like?”

His thumb on your face coaxes your lip from your teeth, eyes burning into yours as he awaits you answer. Thick fingers fill you up, his thumb of the same hand finding your clit and circling it in pace.

“T-They were just guys, I dunno. Didn’t really know them that well…” you interrupt yourself with a whine, feeling the rope in your stomach pulling taut as Joel fucks you with his hand.

“Had to have known a little bit about them to fuck ‘em, darlin’. Were they nice to you?”

“I-I guess so, yeah.”

Joel hums and curls his fingers with the next uptick, pressing against that spot inside a few times before resuming his movements.

“Were they nice to you in bed? Made you come?”

“They were nice. Some of them made—made me come. A couple didn’t.”

You gasp out another moan when he starts to fuck his fingers into you even faster.

“Yeah? Those guys that made you come, did they fuck you like me?”

“N-No, no they never did. I thought about you. Every time it was somebody else, even my hand.”

“That so, sweet girl? Missed me so much you imagined all those other guys’ cocks were mine?”

“Yes! Fuck — yes, Joel!”

“Any of ‘em as big as me? Fill you up like I do?”

“No, not even fucking close.”

“Any of them come inside you?”

“No. Only you.”

“Mm, that’s right. This pussy’s mine, isn’t it, Mariposa?”

All you can do is nod, choked up by the pleasure building inside you.

“Dime, mi chica dulce. Dime. (Tell me, my sweet girl. Tell me.)”

“It’s yours, Joel. My pussy’s only yours. Only ever yours.”

The rope is fraying inside of you, on the verge of snapping as the squelching sound of your arousal around his fingers fills the room, whimpers of his name the only words spoken.

“Then fucking come for me. I wanna feel my pussy come on my hand.”

The words break the final threads, pleasure flooding across your body and stilling you body under him as you grab at his shoulders to anchor yourself. Your loud, wanton moans fill the space, egged on by Joel’s soft encouragements.

Once you’ve come down, you realize he’s laying between your legs again. Before you can get a word out, his mouth is on you, sucking your clit harshly. Your whine raises in pitch, hands tangling in his hair to push him away.

When he lifts his head, his dark eyes find yours as he licks his lips.

“Gonna let me taste this sweet little cunt, darlin’? You said it was mine, didn’t you?” He challenges and you breathe out a ‘yes’, all the permission he needs to put his head back between your thighs.

He pulls two consecutive orgasms from you with his mouth, sucking your clit and licking into your walls with his tongue. Your brain feels like mush, limbs light as air as you lay back on the bed. Your eyes are closed as you feel Joel get onto his knees after stripping his boxers, one hand tapping the outside of your thigh.

“Flip over onto your stomach, baby. Not finished with you yet.”

“J-Joel, I don’t think I can move.” You huff out a breath, opening your eyes to see him staring down at you with insatiable eyes.

“You can. Now do it, sweetheart.”

You take a few more slow breaths before flipping yourself over, shaky arms giving out when you attempt to hold yourself up. Joel’s hands find your hips pulling up so you rest your weight on your knees and your torso angles down to where your head and arms rest on one of his pillows.

“Bet none of those guys treated you right, mi cielito. No one knows how to really take care of you, huh? ‘Sides me. I know just how you like, baby, and that’s how ‘m gonna give it to you, yeah?”

“Please, Joel. Need your cock. Thought about it all the time, missed it so much. Missed you.”

You whine when he grabs at one of your asscheeks, squeezing harshly as he moves his knees to the outside of yours, hooking his ankles over yours to lock you in the position. Without warning, he lines himself up and presses the thick head of his cock inside you. A loud moan sounds from your mouth, unable to hold back anything with the way your mind is lagging. Fingers tangle into the sheets, mouth staying open as you choke out sounds while his cock slowly fills you with an agonizing movement of his hips.

“Mm, such a good girl for me. Perfect fucking cunt, so tight, fits me just right, don’t you?”

All you manage is a nod when he’s balls deep, grinding your hips back onto him in small circles. He quickly pulls out nearly all the way before beginning a punishing pace.

The sounds of skin against skin cut through your wild, borderline pornographic moans, Joel’s name slipping from your tongue over and over with each pounding of his hips into you.

“Aguantarla, mi chica malo. Take it, baby, fucking take it.”

If it weren’t for Joel’s vice grip on your body, he would surely have fucked you off of the mattress at this point, the power behind his hips nudging the tip of him into your cervix at this angle.

“Who does your little pussy belong to, mi cielito? Dime.”

“You-you, Joel. Fuck, it’s yours!” Your voice pitches up with a particularly hard thrust, choking out his name as he keeps up the speed and force of his hips.

His grunt melts into the sounds of your wetness around his cock, skin on skin of your thighs. Fingertips bruise into your sides, knuckles turning white as you grip the sheets tighter.

Tears form in your eyes, slowly falling as you hear Joel’s voice but can’t quite make out the words. When you don’t respond to him, one arm wraps around your waist, the other holding your chin to support your head as he handles you like a rag doll, pulling you up to sit back flush to his chest, hips unrelenting.

The drops from your eyes fall quicker now, pleasure filling every crevice of your insides that it makes you feel as if you’re going to implode. It’s never gotten to this point with Joel or anyone else, and your brain can’t think of anything besides chasing that inevitable high.

The hand from your chin moves slightly, wiping the tears cascading down your cheeks and Joel’s voice filling your ear at the side of your head.

“Yeah, feels good, don’t it?”

You try to agree, but all that comes out is a pathetic whimper, more droplets spilling from your eyes the longer you sit at the edge. His hand finds your chin again, turning your head to face his at your side, a smirk happily on his lips as he chuckles low and satisfied.

“Guess I fucked all the words out of your head. It’s okay, pretty girl, you just talk to me with those little sounds I love.”

At that point, you whine with every thrust, his cock drilling the sounds out of you. With one, two, three more hits of his head at your cervix, you tense up in his arms, head falling back on his shoulder with your loudest moan of the morning. Your mind is completely wiped, only sensation being the jittery tingle that rushes over your body and turns your limbs to jelly. Joel holds your weight as he fucks you through it, grunting in your ear as he finishes inside of you, spilling his come for what feels like minutes. His warm spend fills you to the brim, squeezing and dripping out around his cock buried inside of you.

His sheets will need to be changed, but there is no part of you that feels like it could move your body from this bed.

Joel carefully pulls out of you, a sharp hiss involuntary from your lips as he presses a gentle kiss to your temple. He guides you to lie down, slipping a second pillow under your head like he knows you like.

After cleaning you with a warm washcloth he retrieved from the bathroom, he climbs into bed behind you, wrapping you up in his arms as the little spoon. One hand strokes your hair, pulling it out of your face and behind your ear while he presses soft kisses to your head and shoulder.

“Did so good for me, Mariposa. My sweet girl.”

Your eyes flutter close, body melting into the mattress and into his chest. His gentle voice vibrates in your ear as you drift off completely.

“You know I don’t care who you’ve slept with or how many times or anything like that, right baby? I want you ‘cause you’re you. Mi diablita. My sweetheart. Mi Mariposa. Don’t wanna let you go again.”

His heart hasn’t slowed down.

He tried to sleep next to you, but he couldn’t calm down enough to actually turn off his brain. Instead, he watched the rise and fall of your chest, his lips pressed into your hair as he kept breathing in the scent of your shampoo.

A fucking angel. That’s what you have to be.

Your soft features, slightly parted lips. He wants to press a kiss to your Cupid’s bow, the tip of your nose.

You must be an angel or some sort of entity to be this perfect. To be that genuinely kind-hearted. To find a way to forgive him, or at least forget what he did to you for this month.

How is he deserving of you?

Well, he can answer that. He isn’t.

His fingertips skim over your skin, across your stomach and over your breasts. Trailing down to your thighs.

The silky, pliable feeling of you draws his blood to his cock, swelling him to halfway. He adjusts his position next to you, kissing your shoulder as he palms himself with his hips tilted away. His slow strokes get him fully hard, whimpering muffled against your skin as he works his hand up and down his length.

The conversation you two had earlier, talking about him waking you up on the edge of coming, replays in his mind. His eyes fall down to your ass stuck out behind you in your curled sleeping position, swallowing his saliva down his throat.

His movements are languid as he wraps an arm around your stomach again, shifting down the bed a few inches to line himself up with where your thighs meet your center.

Gradually, he pushes his cock between your fleshy inner thighs, holding a groan in his throat at the feeling.

His heart rate thumps quickly, the added challenge of keeping you asleep as long as possible turning him on even more.

“Fuck, darlin’. Such a sweet girl to let me do this to you. My dirty girl.”

He moans a bit louder, biting his tongue as his hips drag back and forth. You adjust in your sleep, and he stills, waiting for you to settle before moving again.

It’s getting him close, but it’s not enough for him. Just as he grazes his teeth on your shoulder, your eyes flutter open, your sleepy voice speaking groggily.

“Joel? You need something?”

He grunts, nodding his head on your shoulder.

“Please, darlin’. Jus’ wanna put it in, please.”

You nod lazily, lifting your leg and resting it on his thigh behind you to spread you open for him. He huffs out a desperate breath, coating himself in your wetness still there from before, more dripping from your cunt as he slips his cock into you. You whimper and hiss quietly and Joel attempts to soothe you with candied kisses to your shoulder and neck.

“So good to me, mi cielito…Such a special girl. Think you were made for me. Exactly what I was wishing for. How’d I get so lucky?”

Your breath hitches with the leisurely hang of his hips; a hand moves to your front, finding your clit and rubbing it in heavy circles. A hand of yours grips his wrist, the other reaching up and back to tangle your fingers into his hair and tug. You’re shaking your head as you beg.

“Please, Joel, I can’t…”

His chin hooks over her shoulder, lips brushing her ear as he whispers, “You can. Such a good fucking girl, taking it so well for me, huh?”

He nips at your ear before continuing, “C’mon, mi Mariposa, just one more for me. One more time, you can do it. ‘S gonna feel real good.”

Rapid breaths compress and expand your chest, eyes squeezing shut as you whine, his name falling from your lips in a quiet puff as you reach that last gentle peak he’s brought you too. Less intense than the others but still clouding your brain with dopamine.

His hand rubbing your clit crawls up your front, grabbing your chin gently and turning your head up to the ceiling. A kiss is pressed to the corner of your mouth, his hips fucking you through the tender orgasm and working to his own, “That’s my girl. So perfect — feels good like I said it would, right? Jus’ a little bit more for me sweetheart, can you you do that?”

You nod as quickly as you body will let you, eyes dragging to the side to try to look at him. 

One moan of his name from you, so delicate and syrupy, brings him to his high, spilling with slow, hard hits as he whines in your ear.

Your leg stays over his, holding him inside as you already drift off to sleep again. A quiet, incoherent mumble makes him smile, “Stay like this, please. Feels good having you this close…”

After you’re knocked out, he whispers in your ear, “Don’t deserve you, Mariposa.”

He complies with your request, softening inside you as he finally manages to drift off for a nap himself.

A soft knock comes from the front door, followed by about three rapid rings of the doorbell. You stand up from the couch, turning off the TV and smoothing down the skirt of your sundress as you walk to answer the door. The deadbolt clicks undone and when the door opens, there is seemingly no one there.

“Posey! You’re home!”

A smile stretches across your face as you look down at the smallest Miller, laughing softly and bending down to be at eye level with her.

“Hey there, Sare-Bear! What’s brought you over here today?”

She swishes the skirt of her own sundress as she twists back and forth, a grin on her face as she looks over her shoulder. Your eyes follow her head, seeing Joel standing at the side of his truck and waving to you. A short wave is sent back to him from both you and Sarah, the eight-year-old facing you again.

“Daddy’s taking me to that one farm that’s got berries to pick and that big thing with all the butterflies in it. He thought maybe you would want to do it too, so I ran over here to see if you were home and to ask you if you wanted to come with us! Pretty please, Posey, it will be so much funner if you come!”

The invitation makes you laugh happily, nodding your head and brushing some curls from Sarah’s face, “I would love to join, sweet pea, that sounds like so much fun. I need to just get some shoes on and get my purse, why don’t you head back to your daddy’s car and I will be right out?”

“Okay, but don’t take too long! I don’t want all the good berries to get picked by other people,” Sarah says seriously before turning around and running down the stairs of your porch and across the grass. You laugh at her antics, standing up and quickly stepping inside to slip your Chuck Taylors onto your feet and lace them up, grabbing your crossbody and throwing it over your shoulder.

After locking up the house, you walk over to meet Joel at the passenger side of his truck, Sarah secured in her booster seat in the back row. There’s a cheeky grin on his face as you step closer to him, a smirk on your face.

“Using your cute kid to invite me out is quite a move, Miller.”

“It’s called usin’ your resources, Mariposa. Guarantees me a ‘yes’,” he winks and opens the car door for you, stepping back to let you climb in. He offers a hand to help balance you as you climb up, looking at you with an affectionate smile before he closes the door and jogs around the front.

His fingers tap anxiously against the steering wheel as the three of them sit at the last light before their turn, eyes glancing in the rearview mirror to see Sarah staring out the window.

Light’s still red.

His lips press into a line, that airy feeling in his stomach kicking up when he takes a second to look at you in the passenger seat, your own eyes trained to the side before flicking over when you must feel his stare. A shy look is shared between the two of you before the light turns green, his foot easing off the brake and turning his signal on at the next right turn.

The truck cruises down the gravel road leading back to the farm, one that he even visited as a kid with his family. It’s part working farm and part nature reserve, the family that owns it sells their harvests as well as welcomes the public in to enjoy some berry picking, hiking along the trails throughout their land, and maintaining a pretty stellar butterfly garden with well-kept plants sprawling throughout it. It’s one of his and Sarah’s favorite spots during the summer; this year, he reckons it wouldn’t have felt as fun for Sarah or him without you there.

At that thought, warmth oozes into his heart as he parks the truck, cutting the engine and looking over at you.

Have you forgiven him? For pushing you away?

Or is this month just something fun before you leave for good?

Maybe he’s barking up the wrong tree, trying to win you back, but he can’t be damned to care. It feels good to be with you. Better than he’s felt in a long time.

“Joel? You there?” you question, and Sarah’s giggle fully pulls him out of his thoughts, sending both of you a playfully scolding look.

“I’m here, spaced out a second. Let’s go, you two. Before you both start scheming against me.”

The three of you make your way to the small welcome center to buy your baskets to fill with berries and pick up a small map with all of the activities marked on it. Sarah walks between Joel and you, her small hand in his to keep her tethered. He looks down as she reaches for your hand silently, connecting Joel to you in a chain.

Maybe you all look like a family.

The thought itches his skin with a tingle, his free hand gripping the strap of the backpack he brought filled with snacks and water, a rain jacket for Sarah in case of a change in weather. His shoulders roll to loosen the tightness in his back, a sigh relaxing him as you all walk into the air-conditioned building.

“Y’all stay here, I’ll go get the baskets and a map for us.”

“Oh wait, Joel! I think I have some cash to give you for it, hold on,” you keep Sarah’s hand in yours and use the other to rifle through your bag. Joel shakes his head and laughs softly, turning to walk away again.

“No chance, Mariposa. Your money’s no good with me,” he waves you off as he walks away and smiles to himself when he hears Sarah pull you over to the gift shop area.

The three of you have combed through about four rows of strawberry bushes, Sarah about ten feet ahead of you and Joel as she searches for the “best berries” even though Joel isn’t quite sure what that means to her. You and him trail back, walking slowly on either side of the row of harvestable fruit. Joel watches you more than he picks berries to fill the small package in his hand, catching himself and throwing a handful of strawberries in before going back to watching you.

Sunlight kisses your skin, a mild sheen of sweat on your chest. With the slight breeze that passes through occasionally, your sundress rustles at the hem against your thighs. One stronger gust lifts in a couple of inches, exposing more of the soft skin that his fingers twitch to reach out and touch. His tongue wets his lips, wiping his hands on his jeans before he crouches down to pick a few more pieces of ripened fruit. Every so often, your eyes follow Sarah, a smile crossing your face at her excited over finding another “perfect berry” and adding it to her basket.

It’s been a slow conversation between both of you, questions passed back and forth about the last few months and about your move at the end of this month. Joel tells you all about the business growing, getting a glowing recommendation passed around one of the wealthy neighborhoods and getting hired on six jobs in the same two week period. He’s hired more of a crew, and now is at a point where he has to turn down jobs every so often to keep time for Sarah. You tell him you’re nervous to move, but excited to start the new job. He reassures you after you mentioning feeling like an imposter in the field, praising the way you have talked about what you want to do with such care and dedication. He not-so-subtly interrogates you about your living situation — you have two roommates that you haven’t met before but have been emailing with, they both work at the same company you were hired to, neither of them is a guy (his jealousy reared it’s head a bit there), and it is in a relatively safe area. Your answer to his last question was filled with hesitation, and he makes a mental note to look up the neighborhood and it’s crime stats when he gets home later.

When the conversation dies down, he goes back to watching you silently. The care in your eyes when you look at his daughter gives him a feeling that lightens his chest and squeezes around his rib cage, words caught in his throat as he fights to speak to you, but his mind is unsure of what exactly his body is wanting him to say.

You have so much love in your heart.

And he selfishly wants some of it to go to him.

You said that to him — that you loved him. And he said nothing in response. Pretended he was asleep, or didn’t hear it. You never brought it up again.

He really wishes you would.

Do you still feel that way? Or did he give up any chance at that with you when he asked you to forget about him for the year?

Even if you didn’t want anything romantically with him again, he is desperate to receive love from you, even as a friend. The way you love is unabashed, unjaded by insecurity of rejection.

Fuck, did he ruin that for you? Did he make you hold back by ignoring your feelings?

What a dick. Thinking he was doing the right thing, forcing you to make your decisions based solely on yourself and not around him, and here he was, pleading internally for any love from you.

“Daddy?”

His head snaps to the sound of his daughter’s voice, a few feet ahead of him.

“Yeah, mija? What’s going on?”

“C’mere! Posey, too! I wanna show you something,” she crouches down to the crowd, staring into one of the strawberry bushes. Joel looks over at you, nodding his head in her direction.

“We’ve been summoned.”

“Guess so,” you grin at him, taking the hand he offers you to step over the short plants separating the two of you. The touch sends a jolt up his arm, spreading across the back of his neck and down his spine. It’s a cooling sensation under the Texas heat.

The feeling of your skin against his slips away in the next instance, his small window of opportunity to keep your hand in his gone as you lead the two of you toward Sarah’s spot. His daughter points to caterpillar slowly crawling across one of the berries, giggling at the look of it’s fuzzy skin. He reaches his hand out and lets the insect crawl onto his finger, bring it out and closer to Sarah.

Joel laughs as she backs away, hiding behind you. You laugh as Sarah yells to Joel from around you, “Daddy, stop! I don’t want him on me, stop!”

He steps closer, as if he’s going to move around you and Sarah bolts, sending both of you two into a fit of laughter at her dramatics.

“Okay, okay, enough tormenting your daughter. That little caterpillar doesn’t want to be a part of this family squabble,” you scold him with a grin on your face, holding out your hands cupped together to take the fuzzy bug from him.

He can’t ignore the way his heart rate picks up after he hears you say ‘family’. Nearly double time, he calms down his laughter and passes the insect over to your hands, watching you gingerly release it to the same plant it came from.

“It’s not tormenting. It’s exposure therapy; don’t think she realizes that her favorite butterflies in the greenhouse come from caterpillars. I am trying to educate.” He attempts to hold a poker face, faux seriousness laced in his voice.

You stand again and send him a look, shaking your head as you hold back a smirk.

“God, how do you ever get away with a lie? Can see your lip twitching, cowboy. Major tell.”

“Guess then you’ll know if I’m ever lying to you, sweetheart.”

“Hm, might come in handy in the future,” you say off-handedly as you start towards Sarah at the end of the field, leaving Joel to stand there and quickly press a hand to his chest to attempt to slow his racing heart with steady pressure. A fluttering in his stomach is going wild, his limbs feeling like they're filled with helium.

The future.

The future, with him.

Joel’s t-shirt sticks to his upper back in the hot, humid air of the butterfly house. The three of you are walking together, Sarah tethering you together in a chain as she holds both your hand and Joel’s. His daughter skips between you two and giggles excitedly at the butterflies fluttering around her.

An older couple walks past, Joel stepping aside behind Sarah to allow them more room on the path. The man gives him an appreciative nod, his wife smiling widely down at Sarah and then looking between you and him.

“Beautiful little girl you two got. Pretty as a peach.”

You open your mouth to correct her but Joel cuts in, a charmed smile on his face as he gives her a nod in acknowledgment.

“Thank you very much, ma’am. ‘M a lucky man,” he looks over at you, affection radiating from him as you grin sheepishly, nodding and waving to the couple as they continue on.

You say nothing about the way Joel didn’t bother to correct the woman; he was grateful, relishing in that little moment that made his cup feel full to the point of overflowing. Made him feel that constant swish in his stomach, heart swelling with a tinge of pain from how much he’s feeling.

What that feeling is, he can’t quite explain.

Sarah lets go of his hand, tugging you along with her as she moves to catch up to a butterfly she locked her gaze on. His fingers brush against your back as you get pulled ahead, looking over your shoulder with a coy smile. He lingers back, slow-moving steps as he takes in all the greenery, exotic ferns growing happily in the greenhouse. Butterflies zip around his head, eyes following one that flies over your heads, his stare dropping to the two of you kneeling in front of a blue butterfly perched on a large leaf.

From afar, he watches as your hand hovers carefully around the bug, pointing out its features to Sarah who is completely entranced. He smiles to himself, watching as a different butterfly lands on your hand, Sarah giggling as it slowly crawls along your forearm.

You pass the butterfly to her, laughing with her as she giggles more, squealing in excitement when it flutters its wings. The two of you follow the insect with your heads as it flies higher and higher. 

That’s what it feels like when he’s around you. That feeling in his stomach starts with flapping of wings, rising into his chest, lightening his heart and his limbs as the affection he feels for you filters into his brain, darting around and landing on the small quirks you have, how he feels about your smile, how you are with Sarah.

A calmness washes over him as he puts words to the feelings, a physical representation of how he could explain it to you. 

If he ever shares it.

Sarah leans into your side when you two stand again in front of the fountain, and Joel slowly comes up behind you both, hand resting on your lower back with his thumb brushing back and forth. You turn over your shoulder, closer to his chest, and a warm smile stretched across your face with what looks like devotion behind your eyes.

He really wants to kiss you.

Desperately wants to just say fuck it and dive head first into the deep end with you.

Instead, he just smiles, looking between you and Sarah before speaking up.

“My girls ready to keep moving? Lots of other things to see. Heard from one of the workers that there were gonna be some butterflies hatching on the side. Wanna go check it out?”

Sarah eagerly agrees, running ahead as Joel calls after her with a chuckle.

“Alright, mija, hold your horses!”

Your laugh draws his attention, his smile painted across his face and imitating your softer one. Words are unspoken in the look you share, and he watches you take one step before he reaches for your hand, taking it in his and walking with you over to the other side.

Quietly, he says to you, “Eres la mariposa más hermosa para mí. Mi Mariposa. (You are the most beautiful butterfly to me. My butterfly.)”

Joel’s eyes glance at Sarah in the rearview mirror again, smiling to himself when he sees her head rolled back and eyes closed. Completely fast asleep after all of the excitement of the day.

God, his heart is nearly about to burst.

It’s quiet in the truck, the soft hum of the radio filling the air as you relax back into the leather seat. Silence percolates for a few minutes before he clears his throat, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel nervously.

“Thanks for coming, Mariposa. I know it really meant a lot to Sarah to get a day like this with you before you, y’know…” He can’t bring himself to say it. He can’t face the reality that there’s a countdown for how long you are home. How long you are fifty feet away. How long you’re still his neighbor that he’s—

“Move away?” You fill in, and he nods slowly, swallowing hard.

“Yeah…I know she’s gonna miss you.”

“I’m going to miss her, too. So, so much.”

Joel nods, eyes trained on the road as his chest tightens with emotion, tears threatening his eyes that he holds back.

“And I’m gonna miss you, Joel. Like, a fuck ton.”

He laughs, looking over at you, seeing the dampness in the corners of your eyes. His hand leaves the steering wheel, crossing the center console and reaching for yours. You slip your hand together, fingers intertwining.

“Mariposa, I—“ he chokes out, shaking his head and focusing back on the road.

“It’s okay, Joel. We don’t have to…We can save it for goodbyes, yeah? Let’s just enjoy these couple of weeks.”

You squeeze his hand and he nods, slowing to a red light and looking over at you.

“Yeah, yeah. Save it for goodbyes,” he sighs, bringing your hand in his up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to your skin. You hold your hands in your lap the whole ride home, sharing a sweet kiss with him hidden in his car before saying goodnight and heading back home.

He watches you cross the lawns, slipping inside your front door.

A smile pulls at his lips, an incredulous chuckle slipping out quietly.

Did he really have to fall in love with his neighbor?

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[cherishedproperty]

Denial Diary - Part 1

At the beginning of January, Monsieur and I put new rules into place to increase my sexual arousal and his sexual control and ownership over me. So far this month I have had four orgasms (one during masturbation) with 20 days as my longest stretch of denial. I have touched myself nearly every day. I haven't experienced issues with depression or drop in sex drive like I've struggled with in the past.

But I have noticed some other interesting changes in both our dynamic and my own sexual desires. That's why I decided to keep a diary of my observations and feelings. What follows is a summary of our rule changes and entries I've written over the last month.

How the Rules Changed in January

The rules suspended limitations on how long Monsieur could go without giving me a full (unruined) orgasm and how long he could go without vaginal sex.

The rules created a requirement that I have to ask permission to orgasm during masturbation, which I did not have to do previously. While I am allowed three orgasms without permission (a "release valve" if it got to be too much), I have not used any.

I must spend at least 15 minutes each day sexually touching myself, with edging as the default.

All solo orgasms require some kind of anal stimulation (dildo, plug, etc.).

Every day Monsieur works, I must spend at least two hours plugged.

3 days since last orgasm (last orgasm: Dec 31) I'm finding it hard to sleep, and it's very hard not to orgasm during sex. But I'm feeling extra sweet and submissive, wanting to do extra things for him. We are extra loving, like the newlywed stereotype. We snuggle and kiss more. When I know I'm not going to cum, I feel more pleasure from his orgasm. I watch his face and body and just soak in everything about it.

5 days since last orgasm I look forward to my touch time now. It's almost meditative. It's really hard to stop though. Today he was home during my touch time, and I was a bit annoyed that he wanted to do sex things. I think it's because of the shift in headspace—from low-processing, quiet-brain edging to high-processing, active sexual service. I wanted him to come use me, but then I struggled with the shift.

6 days since last orgasm / orgasm day (Jan 6) He made me cum tonight while he fucked my ass. I thought I’d be emotional or sad or something, just from the overwhelming sensations and the loss of denial. But I wasn’t. It just felt like it was his choice to make. Not mine. Sometimes I cum. Sometimes I don’t. No need for me to feel one way or another about it.

1 day since last orgasm I'm surprised to see how horny I still am. I woke up eager for sex. He denied me multiple times this morning. When I got close, he would pull out and run his hands lightly over my body, waiting for me to settle. It brings such calm to me when he does that. It’s like I can feel him soaking in the energy of my denial. When he re-enters me, I feel soft and open and accepting. In some ways, it’s easier not to cum after he’s done that because my mind is more submissive. But then it doesn't take much before I am impossibly close again.

I am trying to get better about taking it and not cumming no matter what, so he can fuck me as hard as he wants without worrying about denying me. But I don’t know if that’s desirable? Maybe he wants me to still be unable to keep from tipping over unless he stops me. Not sure.

I've also started craving more pain. Today while I was edging my ass, he put Bengay on my clit and pussy lips. It burned. So much pain at first. But then I was humping the air, not sure how to handle so much stimulation. It felt better when he rubbed and then went back to pain when he stopped.

2 days since last orgasm Now when he's fucking me, he's started just repeating, "You do not cum. I cum, you do not cum." And then I don't. I'm not sure I want to anymore. I feel more special in some way, being his denied girl.

After he came in my pussy this morning, I cleaned his cock. The more I'm denied, the more I want to worship his cock. I want to hold it and kiss it and keep it in my mouth. Even when I kneel in the morning and before bed, I want to kiss it and feel his cock and balls against my face. It just feels right.

4 days since last orgasm He woke me up this morning with denial. There’s this strange duality now where I am so desperate to orgasm but also accept that I won’t. I feel more docile and obedient when he denies me. But sometimes during my touch time, I am so, so tempted to let myself go over the edge.

I’m also more turned on now when he touches my asshole. I had one day where I didn’t wear a plug for digestive reasons, and I missed it. And that night when his fingers grazed over my asshole, my arousal skyrocketed. I wanted him to fuck me there so badly. Yesterday I hoped he would unplug me and use my ass. This morning he grazed his fingers over my hole and told me how he couldn’t wait to fuck me there. And I really, really can’t wait either. Part of me hopes he’ll let me cum while he uses my ass. But part of me hopes he doesn’t.

I fantasize now that when he does let me cum, he ruins me. Badly.

6 days since last orgasm I am so easily distracted at work. I just want to keep edging. Or if I can’t edge, I want to fill my ass and clamp my nipples. When I know he’s coming home from work, all I can think about are his hands on me. I will need to get it under control so my work doesn’t suffer. But it’s so hard…

He lets me edge with his cock sometimes. I ride him until I get so, so close and have to lift myself off him. It’s like my body is fighting itself. The stronger part of me is resolute in pulling off his cock so I don’t cum. But there are ripples. Waves. A restrained part of me is still humping the air, looking for what was taken away.

7 days since last orgasm Edging is making me a pain slut. I tortured my nipples all day today, alternating between suction and clamps. And I wanted so, so much more. I keep thinking about him bruising me. Clamping my tits. Using Bengay or worse things to make me suffer. Hitting all the places I hate—my thighs, my pussy, my tits. I want to be really, really beaten.

He asked if I thought my body was just searching for some kind of release. I’m not sure. I think part of it is that I feel his ownership more strongly. Part is that the constant arousal makes it easier to take pain. Part is probably the amount of porn I’ve been consuming. All I know is I want it.

Now before we go to bed, he spends some time just pinching and rubbing my nipples. They are so sensitive now, but I want more.

8 days since last orgasm It’s getting easier not to cum during sex. He tells me I don’t cum, and then I don’t. I sort of dissociate from the stimulation a bit. That layer of mental separation feels like the only thing keeping me from orgasm.

During masturbation, it’s still really hard. I think because I control the stimulation, so I have to think about how good it feels and whether I need to stop myself. So I’m always very aware of the orgasm I could have in a matter of seconds if I just kept going…and then I stop. With sex, it’s easier just to accept that I won’t cum and then let my mind remain unfocused.

I’m a little worried that I won’t be able to cum when he decides to let me—at least during sex. If I keep my mind unfocused like this, I don’t let myself get too close. What if I build a mental block and then I can’t anymore?

Anytime I'm near him, I am thinking about his cock. This morning I woke up to him pushing his cock into my ass. He fucked me until he came, and then he plugged me. I will take his sexual touching any way I can get it now, but I crave anal so much. I find it hard to understand all those times when I found it intrusive or uncomfortable. It feels so natural now.

9 days since last orgasm Today after some hard edges and a brief impact session, I felt some sadness creeping in. Like a bit of the apathy that depression brings sometimes. It took me a while to come down from the edging. I couldn’t stop touching myself, running my fingers through his cum dripping out of me. But then when I did—when I finally came down, I just felt kind of…sad. The sadness hung around for part of the day. Maybe it was the combination of the impact and denial that made me drop a little. Maybe it’s starting to get to me. I’m not sure.

If he asked me, I still wouldn’t want him to let me cum. But I don’t choose.

I do wonder if he’s going to get bored of my constant neediness. His horniness tends to dissipate once he cums. And he cums every day now, sometimes multiple times. Right now it’s a novelty to fuck me so much. But what if he gets less horny overall because he’s so satisfied, and then he doesn’t really want to fuck or edge me? His attention to and appreciation of my denial is so important to me feeling connected and loved. What if he gets tired of it?

10 days since last orgasm This may be the longest I’ve ever gone without an orgasm, outside of illness or pregnancy or postpartum. It is almost definitely the longest I have been denied when I actually wanted an orgasm.

I felt that pleasant glowing buzz from edging this morning. It makes me feel like yesterday was just a version of drop.

I am obsessed with his balls now. I’ve never really felt one way or another about them before. But now I want to hold them and lick them and feel them against my face all the time. I want to curl up between his legs and cuddle with his cock and balls covering my face and nose. I want to give them little kisses every morning when I kneel and just inhale the scent of him. I want to hold his balls in my mouth and run my tongue over them, just keeping them warm. It’s a very primal urge.

I’m also obsessed with his cum. Last night he came on my chest, and I wanted to massage it into my breasts and play with my cum-covered nipples. So many sensations that I've never appreciated before.

13 days since last orgasm I am feeling more little now. Soft and needy and willing to follow anything he says. When he was fucking me earlier, I felt so wide-eyed and innocent. Docile and compliant. He tells me I don't need orgasms anymore, and I believe him. I would do anything to be his good girl. And when he edges me, I want to curl into him, resting my head against him. I feel fully open to my neediness now. He tells me it's freeing me to be my true self, and there's no need to be ashamed or hide that. And all of that makes me feel little. Fully trusting my Daddy to know what's best for me, and being completely unselfconscious in doing whatever feels good.

I’ve also been listening to more mind control conditioning audios, usually while I edge. Sometimes I listen while I run. They feel comforting, allowing me to maintain that buzz of arousal and reinforcing how good it is to be needy and obedient. Good girls exist for the pleasure of others. Good girls can't stop touching. Good girls like to play and obey. Just a mindless, dripping slut. When I listen, I can picture his face—the way he absorbs my need and denial, how he looks at me like I am so beautiful. I want to please him. The files I like best have girls repeating these mantras, and you can hear their needy moans in the background. I am one of those girls. I can feel it in the way my body reacts to listening.

17 days since last orgasm I think about his cock all the time. All the time. When I’m working, I’m thinking about his cock. When we’re watching a movie, I’m thinking about his cock. When we’re talking about politics, I’m thinking about his cock. I can’t get it out of my mind. I’m thinking about the soft skin against my face and lips. I’m thinking about how he feels in my ass. I’m thinking about the way he moans when he cums. I’m obsessed. Even right after he fucks me, I want my hand on his cock. Just to feel close to it. I’m sad now if I don’t get to make him cum.

It’s hard to want to do anything but edge and fuck. I don’t even want to work out because I’d rather be edging. When I do work out, I wear a flexible plug for a little extra stimulation. It’s getting distracting at work, too.

20 days since last orgasm Today I really, really wanted to cum. I had new toys and the time for a long edging session, and I almost asked to cum. It really surprised me since I’ve been really immersed in denial. But the need was just different today.

21 days since last orgasm / orgasm day (Jan 26) He made me cum twice today during anal. It’s his choice if I cum, not mine. And he wanted me to, so I did. The relief of not having to hold back was so strong that I just went limp there for a bit. Then at bedtime, he touched me again, and I was surprised to still find myself so needy. It was a relief. I do wonder if anal doesn't quite "scratch the itch", even if I do orgasm. I seem to remember it felt that way during the anal-only period at the beginning of our relationship.

Another orgasm day (Jan 27) He allowed me an orgasm during masturbation today. After nearly a month without making myself cum, it was honestly amazing. I could feel the rush of chemicals flooding my brain. I couldn’t feel my face for a bit and almost passed out with the dildo still in my ass.

It surprised me that I asked for an orgasm, especially after having two during sex yesterday. But I think it's two things: 1) orgasms during masturbation are just a different kind of need, and 2) I am close to starting my period. I am usually hornier at this point of my cycle, so I'm sure that makes denial much harder.

After my solo orgasm, I noticed I wasn’t thinking about his cock constantly. I wasn’t daydreaming about the feel of it inside me, about the privilege of just being allowed to hold it. Last night when he began touching me, I wasn’t immediately wet and on the edge anymore. I wanted sex, but I wasn’t desperate for it. And while the sex felt great, it wasn’t quite so hard to hold off.

Realizing this, my immediate thought was that I shouldn’t make myself cum anymore. But Monsieur reminded me that I do need it every once in a while. And he reminded me that he wants me to cum. He likes making me cum. He just wants me to really appreciate the gift of it. And I really, really do now.

At the same time, I am eager to get back to the needy, denied girl I was before this. I’m eager to feel that constant desire for him—that docile, submissive glow, looking at him with complete adoration. I know I will cum again, both with him and on my own. But I don't want to ask for it until I feel like I truly need it. Because I’d rather feel his ownership than my orgasm. It’s that simple.

2 days since last orgasm After a lot of edging yesterday, I feel like I’m right back to being needy. It feels good. I’m very eager to please him, even if it means doing the things that I really don’t like. This morning he had me fuck myself on his toe. He knows I hate feet. But it wasn't about my pleasure; it was about his. It didn't feel good (or bad), but it didn't matter because that's not what it was for.

And then when he came, I watched the explosion of pleasure on his face, the way he gasped and the way his fingernails dug into my thighs as he pulled me to him... And I felt content.

[dollsonmain]

I got lots of extra sleep this morning and woke up feeling human. Which is nice.

But I was thinking about how I never get enough rest. I’ve learned that I need 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep to feel Good in the morning, and of course I never get it.

My routine goes like this:

8pm:  get ready for bed

8:30-8:45:  when I tend to actually get in bed

between 9 and 10pm:  That Guy comes to bed and makes sure to wake me up by flumphing on the bed to plug in his phone, getting up again, turning on lights, slamming around in the bathroom etc. then he grabs me to warm up his hands but I have to move around a lot and get comfortable again so I can sleep, so that means about an hour or two of readjusting to find the Not Painful Sleep Position before I can finally drift off, and if he’s decided it’s sexy time then I also have to get up and clean myself off so

between 11 and 2am:  actually fall asleep, hopefully

4am:  That Guy’s alarm goes off, and mine does, too, because if I don’t set my alarm, sometimes he doesn’t set his and then I have to deal with the I’M LATE tantrum first thing in the morning. He hops in the shower and I lay there anywhere between 5 and 20 minutes waiting for my heart to stop pounding around in my chest from being startled by the alarm

4:20-ish am:  I get up, get dressed, and go downstairs to make my coffee, sit at the dining room table, and wait

4:45-ish am:  That Guy stomps down the stairs and into the kitchen where he makes the most noise I’ve ever heard a person make in the kitchen while putting together his lunch which sometimes makes me think I should make his lunch for him but I don’t like him that much, he should make it himself the night before

5am: I have to hug him while he whines and baby-voice goes bye-bye??? bye-bye????? at me (I am nonverbal in the morning, you might get a grunt out of me), and he leaves, slamming doors along the way

Anywhere between 5 am and 6 am:  Son gets up. His alarm is set for 6, but That Guy wakes him up before that most mornings. Kid goes to bed before 9 every night, though, so I don’t worry about HIM being rested

From whenever he wakes up to 7 am:  Son and I spend some peaceful time together without That Guy. This is important time that I wouldn’t miss

7am:  get Son on the bus.

7:30 - 8 or 9:  I do online stuff. Some of it is work, some of it is not.

9am :  can finally do noisy physical work stuff

10am:   lunch because breakfast was at fucking 4 am.

10a. - 2 pm:  I do my best to get as much work done as I can but am already getting worn down

2pm:  I crash hard every day at this time and struggle to keep my eyes open

2pm - 3pm:  try to stay awake, generally sitting at the computer again because I’m literally falling asleep on my feet and don’t want to fall

3pm:  go get the boy off the bus. A little more peaceful time to spend with him but only a little

4pm:  That Guy gets home

4pm to 8pm:  pay attention to That Guy or else/sit on the couch and crochet a blanket for someone else that doesn’t want it because my love language is hand made gifts and his self-hate language is getting rid of everything he loves

I hate that I only get about 2 hours of actual functional time per day.

When Son is home all day, like today, I like to spend time parallel playing with him, so get fewer other things done. We’re both perfectly content to and enjoy spending time together in this way.

[nightsidewrestling]

D.U.D.E Part 22 - Just One of Dem Days (Set in 2021)

Note: This is set in a universe where Men VS Women / Intergender matches can happen.

Chapter 1: here Chapter 2: here Chapter 3: here Chapter 4: here Chapter 5: here Chapter 6: here Chapter 7: here Chapter 8: here Chapter 9: here Chapter 10: here Chapter 11: here Chapter 12: here Chapter 13: here Chapter 14: here Chapter 15: here Chapter 16: here Chapter 17: here Chapter 18: here Chapter 19: here Chapter 20: here Chapter 21: here

Tags: @piratewithvigor @tantamount-treason @thedollmaker16 @janetreader

Around 2000 Words. 18+ in places (those chapters will be marked as ‘Mature / sexual content’ just to be safe). Please inform me if you wish to be tagged or untagged from posts. If the text is in italics and orange it’s Kirby’s inner monologue. If the text is coloured but not in italics, it’s either dialogue or a P.O.V change (P.O.V changes will be in bold and translated dialogue will appear in square [ ] brackets), Key below. Quick note on Geia’s text colour: Yes I do know that as Greed she should be in yellow but I decided to colour the men’s dialogue yellow so Geia was changed to be pink like the other women in the story outside of the main 8.

The Main 8: Damo - Bio. Vi - Bio. Billie - Bio. Geia - Bio. Kirby - Bio. Honey - Bio. Eli - Bio. Sara - Bio.

Kirby's P.O.V:

Kirby's uncle Bran spends the night sleeping on the couch, waking up at 10 am, on Saturday the 3rd of September, to the smell of Kirby cooking breakfast.

“Good lord kid, ya oul dear taught ya well.” He yawns, scratching his stubble as he gets up, joining Kirby in the kitchen.

“You still take ya coffee with milk and two sugars, Uncail [Uncle]?” She smiles softly at him, looking up from the pan of bacon and eggs.

“Indeed I do, have ya been cryin’ banphrionsa [princess]?”

“Dhúisigh mé ó nightmare, Tá Eddie fós ina chodladh agus ní raibh mé ag iarraidh é a dhúiseacht. Mar sin, tá [I woke up from a nightmare, Eddie is still asleep and I didn't want to wake him. So, yes].” Kirby nods, her uncle pulls her into a gentle hug, stroking her hair.

“Ya Aintín [Aunt] will be here soon, as will ya col ceathracha [cousins]. Ceart go leor [okay]?”

“Aye [yes].” She whispers, leaving her uncle to finish making breakfast, when she gets a text from her cousin Branwen, Bran’s only daughter.

Kirby goes to the front door, seeing the taxi pull up with her Aunt Meinir and her cousins Mostyn, Darach and Branwen stepping out.

“Don’t panic,” Darach jokes, “We haven’t brought the kids to tire out Aintín fathach [Giant aunt].”

Darach, forever the jokester, married to a lovely German lass.

“Nor have we brought the wives, or Branwen’s hubbie.” Mostyn adds.

Mostyn, Moss, the brawn of the trio. His wife’s a beautiful Native Canadian lady.

“I’ll help you wit’ the twins, banphrionsa dragon [dragon princess].” Branwen smiles softly.

Branwen, the brains, now a McCormick, her husband a half-French half-Irish gent with a mean right hook.

“Get yer butts in there before the house gets cold.” Meinir, Bran’s Wife, scolds her three kids, hugging Kirby gently when she enters the house.

If ever a tornado was named something Welsh, it would be named after her. As her name would suggest via its meaning, she’s tall, slender and beautiful, even at 69.

“Before you ask, this place is rented, and the twins are asleep in the nursery, don’t wake my sons nor my husband. Ed’s a grump in the mornings, and I don’t need the New Yorker being a grump, right now.” Kirby explains, leading the tiny percentage of her family to the kitchen first.

She takes over making breakfast from her Uncle Bran, quickly serving the group up a hearty breakfast, bacon, eggs, toast, beans, all the things her and her family are used to. She even remembers how the group takes their coffee and tea. Bran, coffee, two sugars and a dash of milk. Meinir, tea, black as she cannot have milk. Moss, coffee, one sugar, no milk, strong and sweet. Darach, tea, milky and with two sugars. Branwen, water, not a fan of tea or coffee.

“Holy fuck!” Eddie yelps, nearly falling on his ass when he sees Kirby’s cousins.

“Oh, we should have sat down, Moss.” Darach murmurs as he sips his tea.

“Ya think? I know I’m tall, but you two are tall and broad.” Kirby shakes her head, kissing Eddie’s forehead.

Moss, 6’5”, and Darach, 6’3”, look down at the floor in shame. Their 5’4” sister chuckles as she looks at them.

“And these guys are?” Eddie asks, using Kirby as a shield, having not gotten dressed yet and still in just his rosaries, boxers and a tank-top.

“Ooh, Dara, Kirby married a real New Yorker, maybe a Catholic too?” Moss whispers.

“Eddie, you met my Uncle Bran last night, this is his wife, Meinir, and his kids, my cousins, Mostyn, Darach and Branwen. Consider yourself lucky that they didn’t bring their spouses, or kids, this place would be nearly full.”

“How many kids do you have?” Eddie asks them, a look of total confusion on his face.

“Me and Gen have six, our eldest is eighteen, youngest is three.” Mostyn answers first.

Darach follows his lead, “Myself and Gertie have five, our eldest is fifteen, youngest is also three.”

Branwen is the last to answer, “Me and My hubbie, Faron, have four, Taliesin, Samuel, Rainbow and Quintella.”

“Ooh, Moss, has Eadberht said anything about proposing to his girlfriend yet?” Kirby asks.

“Oh no, he hasn’t said anything about proposing to Nerida, I think he’s a bit scared.”

“Aww, I was looking forward to annoying him about that.”

“Don’t worry, Ker, ya still the baby of the family.” Darach chuckles.

Eddie watches, stunned into silence, as Kirby and her cousins talk back and forth in Irish and Welsh, mentioning name after name, the occasional English word being spoken.

“Eddie, you a’ight?” Kirby asks, gently wrapping her arms around his neck.

He wraps his arms around her waist instinctively, “I have no idea, what any of, what you said for the past ten minutes means.”

“Luckily for you, none of it was important. Me and Branwen are gonna feed the twins, okay?”

“A’ight, Ma, I love ya.” Eddie whispers, kissing her gently before letting her go.

From the nursery, Kirby and Branwen can hear Bran, Moss and Dara questioning Eddie.

“So, what are the kids' names?” Moss asks.

“Emir and Ethan.” Eddie answers confidently.

“No, no,” Dara chuckles, “their full names.”

“Oh fuck,” Eddie’s confidence drops, “Emyr Fah-lawn Peri-der Ariel Moore and Ethan Lore-can Gwin Joel Moore.”

“Pretty decent for a non-Irish speaking ‘Irishman’.” Bran announces his approval, making both of Kirby’s male cousins shut up.

“Kirby,” Branwen whispers, “Say their full names, go.”

Kirby chuckles softly, shaking her head before pronouncing her boys names perfectly, “Emyr Faolán Peredur Ariel Moore and Ethan Lorcán Gwin Joel Moore. There, Branwen, ya happy?”

She nods and chuckles softly as she finishes feeding Emyr, handing him to Kirby. Kirby carries both boys into the kitchen with her. Kirby smirks and shakes her head as she watches Eddie wrestle with his belt.

“Babe, help.” Eddie mouths when he sees her.

Kirby hands the twins to their father and fixes his belt buckle, “How the fuck did you bend the metal of this?”

When Eddie doesn’t answer she looks up at his face, his line of sight directly going to her rear.

“Edward.” She grumbles.

Moss and Dara chuckle softly.

“Sorry, Ma, what?” Eddie’s face goes pink from embarrassment.

“How did you bend the metal of the belt buckle?”

“I don’t know, fuckin’ wit’ it too much?” He shrugs.

“‘Fuckin’ wit’ it too much’?” She mockingly asks, teasing her husband.

“Fucked wit’ you too much, got these two as a result.” He teases back, sticking his tongue out at his wife.

Kirby copies his actions, “Doughboy.” she whispers.

“Doll.” Eddie murmurs.

“Wild Card.”

“Punk Rock Princess.”

“Papi.”

“Ma.”

“Bite me.” She smirks.

“Did ya take ya anxiety meds, and ya iron supplements?”

“Yes, as soon as I woke up.”

“You got any more family showin’ up?”

“Ya might wanna pray, ‘cause I don’t know.” Kirby whispers.

“Take one of the Princes then.”

Kirby takes Ethan from his father, letting Eddie use his rosaries to say a small prayer.

“Hey little guy,” Kirby starts baby-talking to her son when he opens his eyes, his blue eyes staring up at her own, “How’s my little dude doing? Huh, baby boy, how is you doing my love?”

“You’re so cute, Ma.” Eddie murmurs, making Kirby blush a bright pink.

“Sorry, I got a bit lost in my thoughts.”

“I wish I got that on video, I would have watched it over and over.”

“He looked at me, you know I gotta talk to him if he looks at me.”

“I know,” Eddie wraps his free arm around her waist, “I love you, Kirby.”

“I love you too, Eddie… my Edward, my King of Diamonds.”

“My Kirby, my Dragon Princess.” He smirks.

“Did you like last night?” She asks softly.

“If Jon and Renee weren’t there, it would have been perfect.”

“It’s the closest thing to actually being in either a nightclub, or strip club with me.”

“I know, it’s also much more private and personal.” He whispers, kissing her jawline and the scar on her cheek.

“What’s gotten you so affectionate this morning?”

“I guess it’s just one of them days.” He winks.

“Did you go through my music?”

“Yep. You left your ‘Moody’ playlist up.”

“Don’t blame that on me, blame it on Spotify.” She murmurs, sipping her can of decaf coffee.

Eddie grabs a can of Red Bull, and they both head to sit on the couch next to each other. Moss turns the tv on, flicking through the channels until he gets to the sport, putting on a game of Rugby, Ulster v Dragons.

“Why don’t you put on some wrestlin’?” Eddie asks.

“Because,” Kirby sips her coffee, “As a family who runs a wrestling promotion, if we want to watch wrestling, we will watch something from our archives.” She explains.

“How far do the archives go back?”

“Oh jeez… Uncail, how far do our archives go back, with the tapes?”

Kirby’s Uncle Bran steps back inside, holding his cigarette outside of the patio doors, “Our taped archives?”

“Yeah, not the written stuff but the filmed stuff.” Kirby nods.

“I would think back to when Naoise started wrestling, so nineteen-sixty, maybe nineteen-fifty-nine? I would have to check. But it’s somewhere around then.”

“Oh wow,” Eddie mumbles, “That’s a lot of footage.”

“Yeah, most of it’s been digitised now too, so we’ll be able to go back, and use the footage to teach generations ahead.” Bran explains before stepping outside to finish his cigarette.

“Hey Da, can I bum a smoke off ya?” Dara asks as he steps outside.

“Take one of ya sister’s.” Bran grumbles.

“Here, and don’t tell my husband, he thinks I’ve switched to the robot.” Branwen chuckles softly.

“Switched to the robot?” Eddie asks Kirby softly.

“Switched to an electronic cigarette or vape. It’s something that my Uncle Rhod came up with.” She murmurs, engrossed in the rugby game.

“Sweetheart.” Eddie puts his hand on her thigh, getting her attention off the tv.

“Yes, Eddie?”

“You gonna explain what’s goin’ on?”

“With what?”

Eddie gestures towards the tv, “I don’t watch this stuff, you know me, Knicks, Yankees, that kinda stuff I watch.”

“Oh,” She smiles softly, leaning back and keeping Ethan close to her chest, “So you have Ulster, northern Irish, and The Dragons, a Welsh team. Currently The Dragons, the team Moss and Dara will want to win, are beating the asses of Ulster. You know how you have leagues and stuff?”

“Yeah, this works the same?”

“Yep. U.R.C, United Rugby Championship, if The Dragons win, they go on to face Edinburgh or The Sharks, depending on who wins that game.”

“Okay, and who are the Sharks?”

“They’re a South African team.”

“And why don’t you guys support Ulster?”

“Divorce him.” Moss grumbles.

“He’s askin’ why we don’t support Ulster, Moss, nothin’ more.”

“We don’t support ‘em, ‘cause they fuck the British willingly.” Mostyn scoffs

“Jesus, Moss. Right, long story short, we don’t support Ulster ‘cause they’re northern Irish, our ancestry comes from the republic.”

“Oh…” The weight of Moss’ statement dawns on Eddie, “So if I were to support Ulster, your family would hate me?”

“Don’t even mention them by name.” She whispers.

Eddie nods, putting a finger to his lips, indicating that he’ll stay silent. Instead Eddie focuses on Emyr, both him and Kirby watching as his son, Emyr, yawns and opens his eyes. Green eyes meeting green eyes. Son staring up at his father, reaching for his face, or rather the blur that takes up most of Emyr’s vision. Eddie in his ‘I hope you suffer’ tank top and a pair of jeans, timbs on but unlaced, rosaries hidden between his white and black tank-tops. Emyr in a small ‘kiss me I’m Irish’ onesie, a gift from his maternal grandmother, Kirby’s Mam, Oda.

“I hope one day, you’ll grow up to find a woman, or hell, a man, who is as amazing as ya mother, Emyr.” Kingston whispers, kissing his eldest son on the  head.

“Kingy, that has gotta be one of the sweetest things you’ve ever said.” Kirby whispers, receiving a gentle kiss on her cheek scar.

[snowdice]

Little Kestrel (Part 43) [Birds of Different Feathers Series]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan & Patton & Virgil (future Virgil/Patton but not in this story)

Characters:

Main: Logan, Patton, Virgil

Appear: Thomas

Mentioned: Janus

Summary:

It was supposed to be a quick job either way. Either Virgil would assassinate King Thomas of Prijaznia or he’d be caught and get executed. Yet, when Virgil gets the wrong bedroom and gets caught by Prince Logan and his future royal advisor, Patton, the job ends up getting way more complicated for the 14-year-old. He also ends up sleeping in a (actually pretty comfortable) closet for a few weeks…

Notes: Implied/referenced child abuse, assassination attempt, knives, torture mentioned, captivity, teenagers being really dumb, sexual coercion of minors implied, a minor offering sexual favors

This is a prequel to Kill Dear. I wrote it 100 words at a time on my blog, but this is the edited version. If you want to see how it was crafted (and possibly some future content), look at the tag proofread stories.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42

Logan woke once again being strangled by an assassin. He sighed and attempted to squirm away. Virgil made an unhappy grumbling noise at the movement and squeezed him tighter. “I am just,” Logan said, shoving at the arm around him, “trying to get into a position where I can breathe.”

Unfortunately, there was no reasoning with an unconscious Virgil. Getting into an upright position was a battle and the boy was laying across his lap by the time he managed it, clutching one of Logan’s arms.

Logan huffed at his sleeping form, reaching over with his free arm to switch on his bedside lamp.

Despite how warm the room was, Logan assumed the temperature outside was extremely cold today. Virgil seemed to have some internal thermostat that seemed to know how cold it was outside even while snug in Logan’s bedroom. The tighter the boy clung in his sleep, the colder Logan knew it must be. Logan looked down at Virgil’s face. He and Patton had wanted to convince Virgil to spend a bit of time outside today, but if it was as cold as Virgil’s behavior indicated, perhaps they should wait for another day.

Logan reached over for the book on his nightstand that he’d learned to keep there for this exact reason. His reading speed had actually increased since Virgil’s arrival at the castle which was impressive. He’d only gotten this book two days before and was worried he’d finish it before Virgil woke this morning.

Luckily, he was incorrect, and Virgil began to stir a bit earlier than he usually did. Logan glanced down from his book when he felt Virgil shift only to find his eyes were open and staring at Logan.

“Good morning,” Logan greeted. Virgil’s fingers squeezed Logan’s arms lightly much like one would expect the cat currently sleeping soundly on Virgil’s pillow to knead its paws into its chosen person.

“Hi,” Virgil said, groggily. “Book?”

“It’s a book about various trade agreements that happened in the last 500 years,” Logan said, knowing what he was asking.

“Interesting?” Virgil asked.

Logan smiled a bit. “You would likely not be particularly interested since you do not already have knowledge of the players nor the politics of trade agreements in general.”

“Oh, okay,” Virgil said with a yawn.

Logan felt fondness warm his chest. “I can read you a different book if you would like,” he offered.

Virgil eyed the book in Logan’s hand. “You’re almost done with that one,” he pointed out. “You can finish it first.”

“You just want an excuse to continue to lay in bed,” Logan accused fondly.

Virgil did not even bother arguing, shifting a bit so he was laying with his head on his own pillow, but curling into Logan’s side. He was calm this morning which was honestly an odd thing. He was rarely truly calm while awake and even in sleep his face was sometimes pinched in tension. Logan and Patton’s plans for exposure therapy to cold weather seemed to help his resting anxiety level a bit, but it was still much higher than it was for normal people. Right now, though, he seemed fully content.

Logan was glad he could feel this comfortable near him, perhaps even comfortable because Logan was near. It was a striking contrast to how he’d been when he’d come here or even how he’d been when he’d accidently slapped Logan. He felt a surge of… something more than the standard sympathy one might feel for someone when he thought of Virgil’s fear and what had transpired to cause it. It was a bit like anger, but not quite. He could not quite put a name to it, but he did know it made him want to make sure nothing bad ever happened to him again. He would ensure nothing bad ever happened to him again no matter what it took.

Logan read for a little while longer. Virgil was still and calm most of the time, but Logan was pretty sure he didn’t go back to sleep. He shifted to look up at Logan when he set the book on the nightstand.

“Would you like to go to the library with me this morning?” Logan asked. “I need a new book and perhaps we could get you something too for your reading lessons. I was thinking we could go to the main library.” He had never taken Virgil there yet as there did tend to be a few more people than the more secluded library Logan favored. Yet, he’d been getting marginally more comfortable in small crowds, and Logan thought he might like to see it.

“Sure,” Virgil agreed easily. “After breakfast though?”

“Of course,” Logan agreed. “We don’t want Ms. Heart to get on us about your eating schedule again.”

Virgil nodded in agreement and climbed out of bed to get dressed. They had a short meal in the dining hall. Virgil was still adamant that Logan did not eat any of the muffins set out on the table, and with Patton still reportedly in bed, Logan did not have nearly enough social prowess on his side to argue with him this morning. Instead, they only ate things straight from the kitchen. Virgil still got a card with his meal which Logan had to fill out for him at the end. As always, he ranked everything on the plate a ‘5/5.’

The library wasn’t too far from the main dining hall. It was in the opposite direction of the way they would go if they were going back to the royal wing past the ballroom and through the entryway. In the summer, they would have gone through the courtyard. In fact, if it had been just Logan, he would have ran across the open area quickly despite not having a coat, but with Virgil in tow, he chose to walk all the way around. Though honestly, since it was Virgil’s first time entering the library, it would be more impressive entering it from its main entrance than from the side one that castle residents in a hurry would use.

He looked over at Virgil as he pushed open the library doors to see his reaction. Virgil’s eyes widened a bit as he saw the huge room with the many bookshelves.

“It’s impressive, isn’t it?” Logan asked with a smile.

“You have two stories of books?” Virgil asked, looking at the spiral staircase that led to the second floor, awed. “I didn’t even… There are more books than I’ve ever seen in my life in this one room.

“And these are just the things available to the general public. There are also record rooms only used by certain people and rooms with restricted book access based on skill, like some magic books.”

“That’s a lot…” Virgil said. What was maybe insecurity flashed through his eyes.

“It’s an overwhelming amount of knowledge, but different people can find what they need,” Logan said, pulling him out of the doorway and towards where they keep the children’s books. “Here, let’s go get books you can try to read yourself and then we’ll find some books you would be interested in that I can read to you.” They stopped at a shelf. “These would be perhaps just a bit beyond your current reading level, but they would be a good challenge, I believe. Pick whichever you like.”

Virgil took a moment to stare at the pictures on the books. He squinted at the titles for a bit longer and asked Logan what a few said before choosing some from the shelf. Two of them were about different crops and one was about a family of foxes.

“Are those three enough?” Logan asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” Virgil replied.

“Do you want to explore the library a bit or just get a book for me to read you and leave?” Logan asked, not wanting to overwhelm him.

“I’d like to look around a bit,” Virgil replied.

“Okay.”

Logan had frequented the main library when he’d been younger. Though he often spent his time now in the smaller library that had been tailored to his specific interests, he still came to the main library fairly frequently. He knew many good places to sit with a book. There were nice window seats that looked out into the courtyard and a corner near a small fireplace. Logan showed him the door that led to the courtyard and where the door to the more restricted books were, though they didn’t go into any of them right now.

Virgil seemed to like the library well enough, following Logan around willingly. Logan did have to pull him away from a few places when he looked a bit too intently at some high, but sturdy bookshelves. And the chandelier.

He did look like he was constantly straddling the line between being in awe of and being overwhelmed by the size of the library, so Logan decided to end the tour after a bit and work on picking out a book.

“What type of book would you like to read?” Logan asked.

Virgil shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “Whatever you think is best is fine. I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“But I’ve chosen every book I’ve read to you so far,” Logan said with a frown. “We should get something tailored to your interests.”

“I don’t have interests, Logan,” Virgil said with an eyeroll.

“You have some interests,” Logan said.

Virgil raised an eyebrow.

“You like climbing,” Logan said, “and… horses. You and Mr. Deknis seem to get along.”

“Are there books about climbing?” Virgil asked.

“There are books about everything,” Logan claimed.

“Bullshit.”

Logan narrowed his eyes. “Careful with that language. Just because Patton isn’t here doesn’t mean you get to be crude.”

Virgil rolled his eyes.

“I will tattle.”

“Fuck,” said Virgil.

Logan shook his head in exasperation but couldn’t help but smile a bit. There was something about Virgil when he felt comfortable enough to be slightly unruly that made Logan happy. It felt like a glimpse of the actual Virgil beneath his usual caution towards the world.

“How about we ask the librarian if there are any books on climbing,” Logan suggested. “Dr. Macey knows where all of the books would be. I can introduce you to them.”

Virgil didn’t look particularly pleased about meeting a new person, but he also didn’t seem overly distressed by the thought, so Logan tugged him along to the librarian’s small office where Logan had seen them disappear a few minutes ago. He knocked on the door.

It swung open a few seconds later and Dr. Macey’s head poked out. “Good morning, Prince Logan,” they said. They glanced at Virgil, “and, Virgil, I would assume.”

“I’ve mentioned you,” Logan said because he saw Virgil immediately start to freak out about a random person knowing his name. Though, honestly, he was sure Dr. Macey had heard about him from other sources as well. He turned back to the librarian. “I was wondering if you could help Virgil pick out a book. He hasn’t gotten many chances to read in his life and isn’t sure what type of thing he’d like. Also, if it could somehow involve climbing to prove a point, that would be appreciated.”

“Climbing, eh?” Dr. Macey asked, thinking for a couple of seconds. “I think I can probably find something.”

Dr. Macey spent a bit of time looking through the shelves. They made small talk with Virgil, and while Virgil seemed a bit guarded (likely because Dr. Macey was asking questions about him trying to figure out more about what type of book he liked), he seemed fairly calm. Logan was pleased to think he liked the library. Maybe when he was a bit better at reading and he’d adjusted more to the size of the room and the concept that other castle residents could come around, he’d want to spend some time down here.

Eventually, Dr. Macey picked out three options and let Virgil choose which one he wanted. There was a fantasy book, an adventure story, and a mystery story.

“All of these have to do with climbing?” Virgil asked skeptically.

“There’s at least one good long climb in each,” Dr. Macey promised with a smile.

Virgil studied the books for a long moment. Eventually, he pointed to one that had the title, “Into the Mist,” which was the fantasy book.

“Good choice,” Dr. Macey said. Logan was certain they would have said that regardless of which Virgil chose, but Virgil still lit up slightly at the praise. The librarian handed the book to Virgil and set the other two aside to reshelve later.

“Thank you, Dr. Macey,” Logan said.

“If you need anything else, let me know,” they said.

“I think that’s it for today,” Logan said. “Let’s go back upstairs Virgil.”

Virgil nodded, clutching his chosen book as they left the library.

Want to read more? Click below!

Part 44

Birds of Different Feathers Master Post

My Masterpost

[feyre-darling92]

Sweet Nemesis Part 3

The next day passed quickly as you had a day off to prepare for your mission. You mostly spend the day reading a book, not unusual for you, and watching a TV series.

When the moon replaced the sun you decided to pack your things.

You took your black suitcase you had for travels like this and opened your closet. But what the hell should you take with you? You just took a couple of sweatshirts since it was winter and the weather was cold, your pijamas and three shirts.

You chose your three favourite and put them in your suitcase. You closed it and put it on your couch.

The next morning was anything but pleasant.

You woke up at 6.40, wich meant that you had only 20 minutes to get to the headquarters.

You quickly put on your green sweater and your jeans and took your suitcase and your umbrella. It was raining. Again.

When you locked the door of your apartment you received a message from Eve that you should go directly at the airport.

You drove at the airport as fast as you could and when you arrived there wasn’t any parking space. You took your suitcase from your car and your umbrella only to find out that it was broken.

It was like the universe was against you.

You looked at your watch, 7.15. Damn it!

When you finally found Bond and Tanner you were wet and freezing.

“What happened? I thought you died. Although you’re close too” Bond said with a grinn.

God, you wanted to punch him.

“Shut up, Bond” you said and followed Tanner.

“Are you ready to leave?” he asked you and you nodded. “Unfortunately, due to some changes I will have to inform you about the mission during your flight. Y/N we will communicate through your screen, so wait for our call” With that he left you.

You entered the plane and unfortunately your sits were arranged in such way that you were forced to face each other.

When you sat you let a breath of relief and took your phone.

Fuck, how had you forgotten? In the screen of your phone there were 16 missed calls from your sister.

“Fuck” you muttered. “What happened” James raised an eyebrow. You didn’t respond but called your sister back.

“Hey, Y/S/N” You said innocently.

“Y/N, Are you ok? Why you didn’t respond? Are you hurt? Don’t ever do that to me again!”

“I’m on the plane and I can’t talk but I’m fine. I’ll call you back” you ended the call with a sigh.

“My sister” you said when you saw James’ questioning look.

“I thought you lived alone”

“I do live-Hey, how did you know that?”

“Maybe I read your file” he replied with a smirk.

“You know that I live alone but you didn’t know that I have a sister?”

He shrugged and looked at the sky through the window.

“Why did you read my file?”

“I just wanted to know who I am working with”

You wish you could wipe that smile off his face.

“Asshole” you muttered and he chuckled. He loved driving you mad.

You tried to ignore him and took your favourite book to read.

“What about your parents?” he asked after about an hour. Why was he still thinking about it?

“Wasn’t that writen on my file?”

“There was some information but I wanted to clariffied it by myself. And I read your file because I wanted to see who the 00 agent who lives alone, is clearly a bookworm, reads smutty romance novels and has a very nice collection of sweatshirts trully is”

“Oh, darling” you faked a smile “I’m flattered”

“That was not my intention but I’m not bothered anyway. What do you know about me?”

“Well, you’re the famous 007. I know everything about you. Oh, and I bothered to take a better look at your file”

“Then enlighten me”

“You’re James Bond, your family is deceased, you live alone and you’re obviously left handed, as I am, you’re antisocial and you obviously have a god complex”

“Wow, I’m impressed. I didn’t know you were good at observation”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, darling”

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8,  Part 9,  Part 10

[harshayoga]

8 Secrets to waking up early | Yoga way

I guess this is something that’s getting difficult as days pass by. Hmmm…. Makes me wonder, Did we have this problem when we were kids ?. I don't think so !!! Was there ever a day when you missed school just because you woke up late?. I don't think so. Right ?

Then, What happened to you now?. If it’s not the fire of life & freedom that’s pushing you to work & serve beyond your limits, pushing your body & mind to extreme leading to exhaustion & the only way to rejuvenate is sleeping your way to happiness then that’s a good sign.

But, If you’re having trouble waking up just because you're lazy then here are 10 things that you’re doing wrong when you’re awake & what needs to be done to break this pattern

1.Sleep on time : You will never ever ever be able to wake up early if you don't sleep early. There is no big secret to this ! Don't come up with reasons to nurture your ego in the name of responsibility and family. 

For, In the end none of these matters. All that matters is how disciplined you wish to be to maintain the sanity of your mental health in the long run. Nothing, Nothing is more satisfying,rejuvenating & healing than a good night's sleep. Shut of the lights & go to sleep (without your phone) at 9.30pm.

2.Early dinner : 6pm - 7pm is the ideal time for dinner, not 9.30 pm or 10.30 pm. You need to give at least a 3 hours gap before you go to sleep after your last meal if you wish to wake up with a new wave of energy in you the following morning. No !!! You won't feel hungry early in the morning the following day. In Fact, you’ll have more energy than before. 

I’ve been doing this for years now. My morning intense yoga practice routine lasts for 2.5hrs & I’ve never felt any sort of tiredness or fatigue ever !!!

3.Workout an hour everyday : This indeed is a game changer to reset your biological clock and to get into a beast mode of work life balance. All your systems, Physical & mental will start obeying your command and dare not disturb you when it’s time to rest. Just 1 hours of planning to workout at least 5-6 days a week increases your waking up time by 95% when you maintain the consistency. Don't believe me ?. Give it a try yourself !

4. Twenty minutes of silence : We get so busy and occupied in the hustle and bustle of everyday life we never take a break to contemplate where we are & how we are feeling. We keep moving farther away from ourselves and ultimately feel lost. 

You may not have an hour to practice meditation everyday but you can cut down on your phone usage. I am sure you’ll find that you need 20 minutes to feel alive every single day !!!. Remember one thing, No one can help you in life except yourself !

5.Eat healthy : Cheat day is absolute “NONSENSE” !!!. Discipline isn't a rule imposed upon you, It is the way you've chosen to live to stand apart from the crowd. You can actually cut down on the number of hours of sleep and yet feel rested and rejuvenated if you are ruthless as to what goes into your system. 

Forget seeking respect from others. First, Respect your inner system and eat to please the divine seated in you. Food is the best self made medicine. If you do not have this approach towards food and are happy with what’s on your plate you’ll never be happy even if you go to MARS.

6.Gratitude  : Happiness, We've been seeking this in all the wrong places over the years.Only when you thank yourself for who you truly are and accept everything around you and show your gratitude, everytime you close your eyes you indeed will be one with the creation. No gratitude = incompleteness. If you’re someone who’s been feeling incomplete inspite of workout & meditation, Then this is what you are lacking in.

Just surrender and let the magic unfold.

7.Throw that phone away : If you’re spending more than 40-50 minutes a day on your phone scrolling and getting to know what is happening in the other person's life, then I’d say it's high time to start thinking about where your life is headed towards.

Phone has become the reality of everyday life and when you are addicted to this habit, The young     eyes that are watching you will blindly imitate the same. This indeed is worse than drug addiction. If you don't know where to draw the line. Forget Yoga, Even God can't help you. 

If the first & last act of your before you go to bed is scrolling through the new feed on social media. Forget away waking up early, You’ll never ever be able to die peacefully a few years down the line.

8.Soulful conversations : We talk, All throughout the day to countless people & have useless & baseless conversations about things that mean nothing to us. Instead of gaining clarity you’ll be plunged into an ocean of confusion and chaos. 

Satsang - The most commonly used word in yoga, It means being in the company of those who’ll light up your inner fire and make you feel alive. If you are not surrounding yourself with them you’ll never feel connected to yourself and it doesn't matter even if you sleep for 12 years, You’ll never experience contentment in its purest form. 

If this helps you gain even 5% clarity and makes you think about where you stand now & you make up your mind to change yourself, I’m gonna be the happiest person ever !

Feel free to share your view in the comments section if what you read made sense.

[jeramewrites2]

3-19-24

And the world continues to spin. That is very hyperbolic for a person that has no real problems. As of right now. My current life consist of going to work 5 days a week and taking care of patients. They are not sick they are just injured. So that much is nice. I am attempting to learn to breath before I panic. This morning when I woke up I looked and was paid for my job and the first 1/2 of the paycheck had been deposited but the bulk had not. So this had happened before and my actual payday isn't until the 20th anyway. I decided not to panic and start reacting but instead see where everything settled. I did and the rest of the funds materialized like normal.

I am attempting to be less reactionary. I am trying to be more centered in who I am and what I do. There is a time and a place for action but that is once you actually know what is going on in a situation and not assuming what is going on. I feel like I do need to keep an ear out for new work. I may reach out to old co-workers and just see how things are going. I'm not sure just yet but it is good to have options open.

I have ideas swirling in my head for things to do in my zombie story but I have not had the time or inclination to implement them. I have an exam due today and I still need to study some more on that. I think I will do fine. I am understanding the material I believe but it is not sticking as well as I would like. Then there is still part of me that would like to learn how to code. I think I will try that during the summer break. Although I should just take some classes at Brookhaven to get them though with as well. I could do the history and language classes there. I think it would be cheaper and easier. I want to get into my creative writing classes but as a sophomore I have a few more credits to get out of the way.

I have not been great on my diet. I have been snacking and I didn't bring anything to eat with me today. So there is some pizza in the fridge so I might just go for that later today. We have a toaster oven here anyway so maybe it won't be so bad. Is 5 day old pizza still good? I am sure it's fine.

As with all of my journaling I will inevitably fall to the video games I happen to be playing at the time. I will be honest as a 41 year old nerd I don't have a lot going on in my life. So I am now working through yakuza 3. I have gotten to the point where I think I am almost to the final confrontation. I am going back and getting all of the revelations that I had missed before I realize now I think I could have gotten them the whole time but this is where we are. Yakuza 0,1,2, and 6 are all on special with xbox right now. I think I am going to go spend 20 bucks on them and play though all of them. I kinda wish there was a little more RPG going on but it's still fun stuff. I have not gotten into the mini games that much but Haruka did just beat my ass in bowling. I will report back later.

[holdens-happy-place]

Experimenting with a Social Detox: What I Learned

In a world where social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, it's easy to lose track of how much time we spend scrolling through feeds and liking posts. I decided to conduct an experiment to see what would happen if I significantly altered my social media use over a span of two days. My goal was to create more time for real-world interactions and personal reflection. Here's a detailed account of my journey.

Day 1: The Usual Routine

8:00 AM: I started my day by checking my phone for notifications. It was a habit I never thought much about until now. I spent about five minutes catching up on messages, emails, and alerts.

8:15 AM: Instagram time. I spent 20 minutes scrolling through my feed and liking posts. It felt like a routine rather than a choice.

9:30 AM: I attended a morning lecture and made a conscious effort not to use my phone during class. My focus was undoubtedly better.

11:30 AM: I couldn't resist the urge to check Snapchat during a break. Fifteen minutes quickly passed.

2:00 PM: The library became my sanctuary for a solid two hours of studying. I focused more and achieved more without the distraction of notifications.

6:00 PM: Attended a fraternity meeting, and I chose to keep my phone away. It was refreshing to fully engage in the discussion without distractions.

8:00 PM: A workout at the gym, with my Spotify playlist keeping me motivated. An hour well spent.

11:00 PM: Ended my day with a solid two-hour binge-watching session on a streaming app.

Day 2: The Detox Begins

1:45 AM: I put my phone on silent mode, signaling the start of my social media detox.

8:00 AM: I woke up and checked my phone for notifications, but it only took five minutes this time.

9:00 AM: Throughout the day, I attended classes and barely touched my phone. My focus was on point, and I actively participated in discussions.

5:00 PM: At the fraternity house, I had face-to-face discussions with my brothers about upcoming events, which felt more engaging and personal.

9:00 PM: Instead of updating my social media accounts during a fraternity event, I focused on being present in the moment and enjoying the experience.

11:00 PM: I enjoyed a genuine, in-depth conversation with a close friend, and my phone stayed tucked away.

The two-day experiment taught me a lot about my relationship with social media. I realized how much time I spent mindlessly scrolling and how it affected my focus and productivity. By taking a break from social media, I found myself more present during real-world interactions and more focused on important tasks.

[elliebear666]

It's 4 am and I woke up at 3:50 in the morning. I've been waking up every single goddamn night around 3-6 am. This is because my psychiatrist, due to Zyprexa causing constant hunger and weight gain, changed me to a different antipsychotic.

However, thanks to this change, I've lost almost 20 lbs. But the waking up every night is difficult and I'm worried it will push me into a depressive or manic episode/exacerbate personality symptoms.

So, anyway... things I've noticed after 8 years of therapy:

1. I still deal with "splitting." You're good, amazing, perfect, the best thing in my life, I want to talk to you all the time to: You're a worthless piece of shit and I hope you fucking die and rot in the heat of the sun. I hate you so much I would laugh if you died. Sometimes, these thoughts spill into my world when I just spew horrible shit from my mouth or fingertips. I have said... horrifically awful things to people when I've split on them. Tbf, these days, I'm mostly splitting on favorite persons or family and it is usually less often.

2. I still occasionally have explosive anger/rage outbursts, almost get into physical fights, get tunnel vision over internet fights, have difficulty controlling my anger. It is not nearly as bad as before, though. I used to constantly blow up, and the people in my life told me they felt like they were always "walking on eggshells." Which makes me feel incredibly ashamed and guilty… I've had anger and rage problems since I was little.

3. My relationships are still stormy and intense, and either involve me becoming initially completely and utterly infatuated or obsessed and "falling in love" at the drop of a hat, or eventually becoming obsessed. Not in every potential relationship, but the vast majority. I get jealous and insecure and constantly fear abandonment, which can lead me to seeking reassurance and validation that I'm valued in the relationship. Which, apparently, is difficult to deal with. At least my jealousy isn't as bad as it used to be. It used to be… BAD BAD. It caused me to act in very possessive ways that were detrimental to the relationship and hurt my partners.

4. I still have paranoia and paranoid ideations when particularly stressed, and sometimes just in general. Something happens in my life and my brain automatically looks for patterns of why this "isn't a coincidence." It's led me down some dark rabbit holes. A few years ago I spent months looking for cameras in my room because I was so stressed out by a flying monkey situation and wondered if they had put cameras in my room lmao

5. I still dissociate. It isn't as severe as it used to be. I used to like… spend days not even there. I'd just wear a placid and empty expression as I swam in utter nothingness. I'd watch myself from afar, feeling like I was living life from behind a thick, foggy glass window. I felt like I wasn't real, I felt like nothing was real, and wondered many times if I was just asleep and when I'd wake up. Due to dissociation and just generally not being present most of the time - not even related to dissociation - I haven't made a lot memories… which can make me feel like I have no history, that my life is this strange sequence of events that I only partially partake in.

6. I still feel empty. It isn't NEARLY as bad as before. Like… my god, I used to do anything and everything I could to fill the emptiness. Sex, drugs, impulsive road trips, hurting myself, alcohol, buying things, binge eating and then feeling ashamed and purging. I would get into relationships and situationships just to assuage this crippling emptiness whose existence stifled most of the joy or passion in my life. I felt like a hollow shell of a human being and, at one point, toldy therapist that I felt like, if I took a knife to my wrists and cut myself open, there would he nothing beneath my skin. Just an agonizing, echoing emptiness. I had to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to distract myself from how utterly and completely hollow I felt on the inside. It was just… my god. I cannot express the amount of suffering I experienced due to constantly feeling empty…

7. My impulsivity is vastly reduced. I used to like… all the time anything went wrong, or I felt too empty, or bored, hurt, angry, etc. do something incredibly impulsive to soothe those intense emotions. Whether that was buying things I shouldn't have, binge eating, drinking alcohol and using drugs, having sex with a bunch of different partners, or jumping into relationships. It was all very self destructive.

8. My sense of self used to be borderline nonexistent. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted out of life. I changed my opinions and goals and likes often as I relentlessly chased something resembling stability. I felt like I became the people I was around - my mom used to comment, in a worried way, that it was like I, in a way "became my partners." She said it was upsetting and scary. I was an empty chameleon, desperately trying to find love and acceptance. I would reinvent myself every once in a while, though not to the extreme, usually in the form of changing how I would dress or act. Now, I feel like I have a more concrete sense of self. It isn't constantly shifting, even though I still feel directionless and don't know what I want out of life or, in some ways, who I am. Like… I wonder sometimes if the personality I'm projecting is even me or just another persona that I'm wearing. I'd like to think that I'm me now, but sometimes I wonder….

9. Self harm and suicidal ideations and threats… golly gee willikers. I used to hurt the shit out of myself. I'd cut myself, burn myself, punch myself, hit my face and body. Even while I was working, I'd cut myself in the bathroom… I threatened countless times to end my life over… oftentimes situations that didn't warrant such a reaction. Then, after most breakups, I would become extremely suicidal, thinking I was an evil piece of shit that deserved to be "abandoned" or I would feel that I had been mistreated and would react with rage. Most of the time, I would default to self harm and suicide attempts/ideation even if I was initially angry. I got locked up a few times after the breakup that happened a few years ago. Got put in the back of a police car once and brought to the mental ward and had my family threaten me with lock up… god, idk how many times lmao. I've been hurting myself, in one way or another, since I was a teen. These days, I'm not hurting myself much. I burned myself about 6 or 7 times after a guy rejected me, and fell into a deep depression, planned my suicide, would drink constantlying, etc. But I haven't harmed myself in months :)

10. Intense emotional swings. So… I have always been a very intense and emotional person. Since I was little, I felt like, sometimes, the emotions inside my little body were too big for such a small vessel. As I aged, my mood became increasingly erratic and unstable. It got VERY bad while I was working. I would feel one intense emotion over some trigger, and would experience a prolonged episode after the fact. It would feel like… if I was angry at a situation, I would be infuriated, homicidal, shaking with rage. And then I would shift to elated joy and euphoria that felt like I was having a manic episode. From there, I would go anywhere. Sometimes into a deep and dark despair, to feeling like I was agonizingly alone and rejected or abandoned. I feel like… I just was always in pain tbh. About one thing or another. I feel like I was horribly sensitive to the world around me and every little thing would elicit an extreme reaction. So, before I got diagnosed bipolar, I told my old psychiatrist that I was experiencing what I believed to be "rapid cycling bipolar symptoms." However, bipolar doesn't cause extreme emotional responses to everything all day. I could go to work feeling on top of the world, then go from that to despair, anger, infatuation, insecurity, or any of a plethora of emotions, and each one was just… a huge wave of feelings. It became absolutely and completely exhausting. I was exhausted by my changes in mood. These days, I'm not reacting as extremely as I was to every little thing. I'm not always in as much pain, I'm not constantly shifting emotional states and moods. I feel like I've found, in some ways - as long as literally nothing goes wrong lmao - a sense of stability. I'm still intense, but my reactions are not as severe as they used to be and my moods are not CONSTANTLY reacting to every little thing in my life.

11. Abandonment. I touched on this to an extent… but this will go into it in more depth. So… I have had a fear of abandonment and being left alone since I was little, but it was mostly about my mom. As a teen, and as I developed bonds with friends, I began to worry about being left by my friends. As I got older and became more interested in relationships, despite having issues with dysphoria and sex and intimacy, that fear of abandonment and rejection sensitivity became overwhelming. In any rejection scenario, I have frantically and pathetically tried to prevent what I perceived as "abandonment." I would develop these very intense and all consuming bonds with people and often come to believe that the relationship was closer and more intimate than it really was. In relationships, I would hurt myself or sometimes say I might hurt myself when faced with abandonment. Not an idle threat, but a real and true possibility and, often times, an eventual reality. It's been bad throughout my adult life, specifically, but it was horrendous with the girl I dated a few years ago. I was jealous, insecure, possessive, and constantly feared that she would abandon me. However, my unstable disposition, my anger outbursts, jealousy and insecurity served only to drive her away. As the relationship was coming to an end, I became increasingly erratic and frantic as I tried to convince her I was worth it. I begged, I stalked her in an attempt to her to talk to me, I sent countless texts, emails, made new phone numbers to contact her, snapchat, tumblr. I harassed her for months… and I feel so fucking guilty and ashamed that I have tortured myself with self-harm and physical and emotional self-flagellation. I went to insanely extreme lengths to prevent this abandonment. I pretended I ran out of gas on a road trip, I can't even remember everything I did. It was absolutely fucking crazy and toxic and scary and bizarre. I tried to kill myself in this one incident and desperately called her friend crying and screaming… I'd taken a lethal dose of psych meds and… my god I just… I feel so fucking ashamed. I hated myself. I wanted to kill myself over this unhinged behavior. I'm sorry… I truly, truly am sorry. I wish I could take it all back… but fucking can't. I'm sorry. I didn't… I don't think I really realized how bad things were getting. I didn't realize what the effects of my undiagnosed BPD was going to do to anyone. I couldn't even think past my own pain and suffering and extreme emotional problems and issues with self-regulation. These days, it's still a issue. It isn't NEARLY as severe. It's bad but… not AS bad. I still get frantic when I fear I'm being abandoned, I might beg and plead, I will act out impulsively in some misguided attempt to keep them close. But more often than not, this serves to push others away, not keep them close. It definitely has not gone to the extreme lengths of the past. I hope it never does again. I will make sure I don't get that bad again.

So… at this point, I feel like I'm so much better than I used to be. But like, things aren't perfect. And I worry sometimes I will continue to have these issues for many years to come. I'm not sure what to do about dismantling every maladaptive pattern and dealing with extreme reactions to life events, fears of abandonment, emptiness, anger and rage.

I want to be better, entirely. But sometimes I wonder if better is more a state of mind than an actual state of existence.

[lifewithoutmeds]

February 20, 2023

wow.

life is so random. life throws a couple easy lobs, then suddenly zings in with .... i don’t know, insert sports/baseball analogy. flyball? out of the court. and the whole game changes.

things were bad for a few days after getting those texts, seeing lorena leave. i drank a ton that night, starting from when she started packing, and much whiskey was gone by the morning. fortunately/serendipitously, grace and vicky came by after work for a pre-planned dinner, and it was helpful to have company while i wept bitterly.

friday morning, face swollen from drinking and crying, i met up my mom to go shopping for some much needed work clothes, and was quite successful, and ended up getting like three tops and four pants, all of which i could wear immediately. friday afternoon i went to meet arnulfo and his family plus linda for drinks at the local golden road brewery, but i was so out of it and so sad that i couldn’t really do/say much and it was a fairly joyless event and i bounced out at 8.

saturday at lunch i was supposed to meet up with grace and esther to plan our ireland trip, but grace wasn’t feeling too good so we postponed, and i slept in until 3 or 4 before getting up to go to amir’s engagement party in san dimas which i had written on my calendar as starting at 6 but in actuality had started at 3, whoops. had an ok time but was feeling very exhausted and fat from all the pasta, pizza, and tacos and just very tired. however, immediately prior to that, i had a really good conversation with lorena in which we cleared up a few misunderstandings. she had thought that when i had been telling her to go to florida to go see her dog that i was sort of prematurely kicking her out, and that she had this nagging core belief that her staying at my place was a burden/inconvenience, and she had enjoyed feeling like she had a place of her own at her aunt’s, and how sad she had been because she felt like she was losing me as a friend when she considered me to be her best, and at times, only friend. i told her how i felt she was cutting me out and we both concluded that somehow we had been projecting our own insecurities of being abandoned/cut out, and decided that that’s what the other was doing, when we really we were good friends who would keep in touch despite not living together.

so i felt much better, extremely relieved by the end of our conversation, and went with a slightly lighter heart to amir’s engagement where i was too full and didn’t drink enough and was just kinda feeling out of it. i ended up staying til about midnight and getting home around 1 or 1:30.

sunday morning woke up pretty groggy but then headed out to malibu where i went hiking to escondido falls with rhiannon, then we hit up el pescador state beach where i managed to catch one decent sized perch before leaving, taking care of a couple things, then heading out go to see CD, with some lasagna and beers in hand. we chatted, caught up a bit, and watched old episodes of Hell’s Kitchen while drinking beer and eating pasta and i headed out at around 8pm.

today’s been lots of chores. dish-washing, vacuuming, two loads of laundry, taking out trash, recycling. then i got hit with another bombshell. messaged lorena, who informed me that she was going back to florida to help out with her mom, whose breast cancer came back. one-way ticket, and it might be a few months before she came back. devastation once again. we’ll be hanging out one last time tomorrow (a tuesday), in which she promised lunch, and drinks after work. she’s trying to spend as much time as she can with reyna, as they’re both devastated, seemingly and possibly even more devastated than i am.

it’s crazy. the universe/God is letting me down, cutting her out of my life, in the tiniest, slowest and most bearable way i can imagine. first 45 miles away, then a few thousand, in just small enough doses that i don’t completely and utterly lose it. the thought of it would have sent me spiraling months ago, but once the notion was introduced, it was slowly realized, bit by bit, in just the most barely digestable ways. i love her so much, so ... possibly unhealthily, and there was no way i was going to voluntarily remove her from my life, and it’s almost like the universe is picking her off for me, for my good, if that’s believable.

for once i think i’ll be able to live and bear it. tuesday will likely be the last time i will see her in a while, but i’ve already started to have to consider life without her when i thought she was moving to rancho, so i’ve already been primed in some respects. gosh i’ll miss her. gosh i love her. but i think. i’ll live. i think i’ll push through. as much as it hurts right now.

[thisism3mywordsthoughts]

7-26-20

Well been a long ass time since I wrote on this. Man has a lot changed since I wrote last in a good way and in a bad way as well. It’s like 1:45 in the morning. So on 7/13/20 my bro told me when I woke up that he was gonna move to Virginia, he’s been thinking about this for a while. I didn’t think he was gonna do it so soon or actually do it, he got a job at amazon out there and had to be there by Thursday morning. So he woke me up on Monday saying he was gonna leave that day. Well I ended up calling off of work and spending time with him before he was gonna leave. He ended up getting a flat tire before he could leave, and by this time it was like 6:30 almost 7 so all the tire shops were closed. So he stayed until Tuesday morning. It was cool spending the last night with him here, super glad I called out. It was crazy it took me a while to not be sad that he was gone. But man this is for the better and I know it. I just can’t believe that I am actually on my own for once. I haven’t been alone in my life really since I was like 18. So this is all gonna be a new thing for me. It’s gonna be a fun and exciting thing tho. He got out to virgina on that Thursday morning, he actually got to take his time going out there because his drug test got pushed back until Saturday, then it got pushed back until Monday. He filed for unemployment before he left and to his luck he got the money basically right as he got out there. So I think honestly that all of this was meant to be. He didn’t even have to take a drug test like he thought he would, since he was a transfer it was super simple. It’s just crazy how this all worked out and we had no idea if it would or not. He drove all the way across the country in a 2006 Mercury Milan and it was pretty beat up lol. His check engine light came on twice but it turned off, he got so lucky. Still can’t believe it it blows my mind, it was his first time driving on a road trip and he did it alone and all the way across the county, crazy shit!!!! It’s pretty crazy, my dog has been going nuts because she knows my brother is gone. She ate through my brothers door when I left her in there when I was at work. So I have been leaving her in a crate and she ate the whole bottom plastic platform so that was cool. I just want her to chill out that’s all. It’s sucks tho I’ve been trying everytbing I’ve spent more money on her then myself lately, so many different treats and all that. I even got a camera for her so I can see what’s she’s doing and be able to talk to her. Pretty crazy, it’s like I have a kid. I’ve been trying to run with her every night I work so she gets into a habit but that doesn’t even work. She’s just really stressed and it sucks. So we will see how it goes this week. I put the crate in my room instead of my brothers old room. So we will see what happens, she’s been sleeping in it lately so I’m hoping she likes it now. Last week I like barely worked because I was so worried about her.

[sillytaetime]

Prompt masterlist!!!

Here it is y'all. I've been gone for like over a month but I'm back. Hopefully writing normally again, no promises, school and work takes up a lot of my time. This is flagged as mature because some of the prompts can be seen as smut. If your requesting a prompt, please also state the idol you'd like. He must be an idol from one of the groups I wrote for. Blackpink, Red Velvet, and twice requests are also welcome now.

-------------------------------------------------------

1. "Silence, you uneducated peanut"

2. "I saved your life!"

3. "That's disgusting. You're lucky you're cute"

4. "I heard that!"; "You were supposed to!" 5. "You just woke me up you piece of shit"

6. "To hell with it! You love him/her don't you?" 7. "It's okay, you don't have to love me"

8. "So, err I noticed you're kinda naked. Is that intentional or....?"

9. "It's blood, not nuclear waste. Chill out"

10. "I'm losing my cold hearted reputation here" 11. "Because he's/she's an idiot!"

12. "It's like all I ever do is make you unhappy"

13. "You scared me!"

14. "She/he is crying! What do I do?" 15. "It was a misunderstanding!"

16. "Remember...."

17. "I would do anything for you darling"

18. "I need advice..."

19. "Hot as fuck" 20. "You're weird"

21. "Will you let go of my hand?!"

22. "I am way too sober for this"

23. "Fight me!" 24. "THAT IS A SIN"

25. "Can you close your eyes?"

26. "I couldn't just leave it there. It was all cold and alone. Come on, please?"

27. "You face that way, and I'll face this way"

28. "It's really not that complicated."

29. "It's three in the morning."

30. "You have to leave right now." 31. "Just trust me."

32. "You're never going to let that go, are you?"

33. "I don't owe you an explanation." 34. "I want an answer, goddammit!"

35. "It was you the whole time."

36. "Tell me again." 37. "This is why we can't have nice things."

38. "I'm not going anywhere."

39. "Prove it."

40. "I might never get another chance to say

this."

41. "Tell me I'm wrong."

42. "Lie to me then."

43. "I never stood a chance, did I?"

44. "How much of that did you hear?"

45. "Are you drunk?"

46. "I still remember the way you taste." 47. "How much of that did you hear?"

48. "What happens if I do this?"

49. "I don't want to screw this up."

50. "People are staring."

51. "I still love you, even after all that has

happened."

52. "Just this once, please stay."

53. "DON'T FLUSH THE TOILET WHEN I'M IN

THE SHOWER!"

54. "You can't be mean, because I cook the ور food...and could technically poison you.' 55. "Are you going to yell at me, too? I deserve it."

56. "If you don't love me, tell me. Please, just let

me go."

57. "I can't do this. Just leave me alone."

58. "Do it. Take a chance, I'm begging you. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been."

59. "This isn't your fault, okay? I promise."

60. "We'd be good together, don't you think"

[thatoneidiotdts]

Sleeping (+morning routine) headcanons for some genshin boys

A/n: hello ladies and gentlemen I'm happy to announce that I may be back now that my life has decided to stop throwing endless shit at me. Now I also write for genshin so feel free to send asks in my inbox!!

Warnings: nightmares for xiao, favoritism in diluc's part, purposeful misspelling and slander in C*ilde's part,overall tooth rotting fluff

Zhong li

Sleeps like a rock (pun intended)

This man will not wake up unless there is an emergency

No matter how much noise you make or whatever is going on around him he'll stay there laying in bed completely silent

His breathing is so quiet you think he's dead half the time if not for his endless sleep talking

And you can actually have full on conversations with him while he's asleep

Also he sleeps in a solider position which leaves you to cling on him like a koala on a big ass tree

Sleeps in really soft bamboo pyjamas that you bought for him

Zhong li will only wake up at exactly 7:30 am no matter if it's a week day or a weekend/ his day off

He also doesn't stay in bed for more than 10 minutes unless as stated before its his day off and you aren't awake yet

The man will stay there taking in the sunshine rays from the window as he's looking at your peaceful face

After an hour or two hell rub your back and gently wake you up with forehead kisses while softly calling your name

When you finally wake up you usually start with the morning hygiene and whatnot

Also he will ask you if you want to take a morning bath together but absolutely respects you decision if you won't and you don't need to even give him a reason you declined in the first place but will make sure you know he loves you no matter what

After that he will sit down with you and drink tea and have breakfast with you for the next two hours

It's the only reason he wakes up so early

T̵̻̦̥͌͝e̸̟̗̮̮͌a̷̙͕͉̿̍͝

After that he goes to do his usual shift at the wangsheng funeral parlor

Venti

Menace to society

He either sleeps sprawled out in a starfish position with his arm and leg over your body or in a fetal position with his face buried in your breasts/chest

He usually sleeps in your clothes or in his everyday clothes

His little snores are super cute tho

Venti's snoring isn't super loud, it's actually really quiet but still there

Since he's a bard he stays at the Angel's share until it closes which is usually very late into the night so he sleeps until like 2pm

He isn't a heavy sleeper so you usually accidentally wake him up if you have some errands to run early in the morning

Venti will cling to you and pretend that he's asleep so that you can stay in bed with him

After like 20 minutes of this he finally let's you go and makes you promise him that you'll be back quickly

When you returned to your shared house from doing commissions you found him still sleeping in the bed so you quietly took a shower and snuggled in with him for another hour or two

After he finally wakes up for real this time he has breakfast lunch with you and goes off to Angel's share but not before giving you a thousand kisses

Kaeya

He's sleep schedule is ON POINT

He always gets back from Angel's share at exactly 1:00am, showers, eats and does his skin care routine and gets in bed around 1:30am

He also wakes up at exactly 9am but stays in bed until ten

He trashes through the night, he also talks in his sleep but it really weird and it's mostly things that are in English but you can't understand them at all

Kaeya is also a blanket snatcher and will snatch your blanket if you aren't holding it tightly

I feel like he also sleeps with socks on but has a few special pairs of socks that have some cute patterns that he would rather be caught working with the fatui by his own brother than wear them outside once

Also sleeps in silk pyjamas, doesn't care if the cotton ones are easier to breathe through, he likes the feeling of silk on his skin

Kaeya loves his personal space and he doesn't like to be touched while he sleeps but makes up for it when he's awake but still in bed

The only exception is when it's cold outside, I headcannon he's naturally cold and he doesn't like it at all

His morning routine is 90% of him taking care of his face and showering

His skincare routine is also more expensive than some people's houses so don't touch his products plz

Kaeya will gladly teach you the basics of skin care and will buy you your own products that thinks will suit your skin better

He's also almost late to work every day so every day you see him put on his shoes calmly, take in a deep breath and then he kisses you goodbye and runs off like a mad man in order to get to the headquarters on time

Diluc

He has so much unprocessed trauma I would be surprised is sleep schedule is anything but a mess

Diluc doesn't sleep a lot, he would have a normal sleep schedule but since he has a lot of stuff to do all the time it stops him from sleeping property

Not only does he work as a bartender at Angel's share when Charles can't he also works as the Mondstat's one and only Dark Night Hero

He usually comes home around 4 or 5 am and will only sleep until like 8 and you will have to force him to have a nap in the afternoon

Also he sleeps in his everyday clothing and he's sometimes too tired to even take his coat off

Diluc sleeps on his stomach which causes him to have back and neck problems but it's the only way he can actually fall asleep

He's a really light sleeper which also adds up to his sleeping problem

Also he snores loudly, like really loudly, and he only snores at night for some weird reason

You discovered that because one day you accidentally woke up at like 6 am and you couldn't fall back asleep because of his loud snoring but you didn't dare to move since you knew how little rest he gets

He's not a morning person at all, if he didn't hate alcohol, he would be the person that chugs half a bottle of vodka in the morning just to keep him awake

Diluc usually starts his morning off with some personal hygiene and then starts doing the endless paperwork without even having breakfast or anything to drink

So out will have to force him to eat and drink so that he doesn't pass out from work

On the rare days he doesn't have any work to do he usually sleeps them off to make up for the time he didn't sleep

Albedo

Chalk boy over here also has a terrible sleep schedule

He's not really forcing himself to stay up but rather doesn't realize how late it is

You will have to pull him out of his work in order for him to go to sleep

Albedo has a special pair of pyjamas that he wears when he's sleeping and he only wears them because for his last birthday Klee has given him a pair of pyjamas that were originally grey but she hand painted them herself with the help of Jean and Lisa and he's been sleeping in them ever since

And when i say every day I mean every day

But don't worry he hand washes them every two days and takes special care of them in order to not wash of the fabric paint

His snores are also really quiet and quite cute, I recommend commenting on that if you wanna see him blush ^-^

Albedo usually sleeps on his stomach but unlike Diluc he is small enough to not crush you under his weight so he usually sleeps with his head on your stomach or buried in your neck

Pease touch his hair he melts when you do

Albedo can sleep for a looonng time if you don't wake him up so he relies on you to wake him up or else he'll spend the next 16 hours in bed sleeping without a care in the wold

When he wake up he does his usual morning routine, which is usually a quick shower, breakfast, brushing his teeth and his hair out, and then goes off to work

He will absolutely make you have a nap with him in the afternoon or whenever he feels tired

Xiao

He doesn't sleep much, hell I don't this man sleeps at all sometimes

Adepti don't really require sleep or food like normal humans do

It took a lot of time for him to trust you enough to sleep besides him

Xiao doesn't feel safe while sleeping at all, he also fears that his karmic dept might take affect on you so he keeps his distance for quite some time

For the first month or two he would wear his normal every day clothes but then you gift him a cute plain green onesie and at first he straight up refused to put 'that thing' on but he gave in and hasn't sleep in anything else since

At first he would be the big spoon so that he can protect you from any harm but when you spooned him for the first time he felt so safe and warm he never wanted to let go of that feeling ever again

After that he would ask you under his breath if you could spoon him more often, you barely understood what he was saying but perfectly understood what he wanted and needed.

He also regularly has nightmares which causes him to trash around and maybe whack you in the face once or twice but you're quick to calm him down

Xiao never really realized that he was hurting you until he gently hugged you and you winced because he accidentally touched the small mark he left the previous night after having another nightmare

Doesn't touch you or sleep with you for a week after that, he already hurt you enough but you don't really care so you coaxed him into sleeping with you again very easily since he missed your warmth a lot

He doesn't really have a morning routine but he does wake up every morning before you so that he can teleport to the Huaguang Stone Forest to pick some Qingxin flowers for you

He's also gets back into your arms right before you wake up so that it seems like he never left in the first place

But you always notice the new fresh bouquet of the beautiful white flower on your desk and thank him for it

T*rtaglia

Listen here ok I'mma be real with y'all

Turbulence sleeps exactly one hour less than normal people but makes it seem like he gets like 2 hours of sleep per night

"Ugh I didn't sleep last night at all😩😏" Like bro stfu

He also makes jokes about sleeping so little because he was with you last night or that he was training so hard or doing a mountain of paper work

While you know damn well he was with you entire night sleeping like a baby right by your side

He sleeps naked solely so that one day when a hypothetical intruder gets into your home he can scare them off by yelling at them while being completely naked 💀

But he will put a pair of pyjamas on if you're uncomfortable

He mostly sleeps on his side because he needs to hold something while he's sleeping, if you aren't with him that night he will hug your pillow and sleep like that

Tagliatelle also doesn't like to sleep when in a cold room so he will have one of those water bottles that people use for back pain and will put one in the pillow he's holding and two in the blanket itself

He's totally a morning person and has no problem with getting out of the bed in less than like 10 minutes unless you ask him not to

If he has a day off he won't sleep in that much but he will curl up beside you and 'accidentally' place his head on your boobs/chest

Y'all saying Terrorism is the caring older brother? WRONG he's the forgotten middle child. we ofc know about Tonia, Anthon and Teucer but he also has two older brothers and at least one older sister

I feel like he's the middle child that had to take all the responsibilities when the older three/four moved out

So yeah he can make a damn fine breakfast for you without skipping a beat

But don't let me even start on his personal hygiene

Like shower are fine ok and he baths once a week only because he can but like

I know damn well his back teeth are ROTTING

He only uses mouthwash and brushes the front and bottom part of the teeth so that they look presentable meanwhile his back teeth got their souls sucked out

Moving on from that Tellurium can't really spend the whole morning with you so he will have to leave you late in the morning.

Coffee? :>