#i won't reply on further messages because i do think i've said enough

[matan4il]

Watched Eurovision last weekend and tried to only pay attention to the music but oof, the Israel derangement was horrid. Were any of the other contestants nice to Eden or at the very least not total assholes to her because where's she's from? Please tell me someone was decent or even mildly professional.

Hi Nonnie!

I'm glad to tell you that there WERE people who were personally decent to Eden and the Israeli team, from what I've heard.

One of the parts that suck is that it feels like talking about it too loudly might bring those people into the line of fire. I can say that about myself, that while I was treated awfully by some people in fandom, I've had people be absolutely wonderful to me, and I've had to keep my mouth shut and not thank or celebrate them publicly, because that would have drawn the fire to them. They absolutely do not deserve that. And it sucks that I can't even be openly grateful. Same with the people friendlier to Eden, we Israelis have heard stuff, so we know of them and are thankful, but I don't think anyone has said anything too public, because no one wants to endanger them.

Still, I hope it's been long enough since the final, that we can safely share a few things. Also, I'll emphasize that most of this is hearsay, I can't verify any of it, because it wasn't published officially, this is just the stuff we hear.

The Israeli singer who grew up in and was representing Luxembourg was really lovely with Eden. Tali could have easily avoided ANY association with Eden, so I give her credit for not doing that. The German singer was the nicest to the Eden and Israeli delegation, and I also heard that Germany actually stood up for Israel when the EBU wanted to disqualify it, rightly pointing out the differences between this situation and Russia's ban. I heard good things about the Austrian singer as well, the Latvian, and the Georgian singer. There's probably more that aren't popping into my mind right now, but this is a start, and it's nice knowing kind people, who won't bully a 20 years old singer just because of her nationality, do exist, right?

Another part that sucks is that even some of the people who were nice backstage to Eden, were only willing to do so away from the public eye. I think the most extreme one is the 2023 runner up, Finnish performer Käärijä. He ran into Eden backstage and was totally cool with them doing a short, quick rendition of his ESC song together (which you can see in the link below). It was clearly just two people who love music having fun together, but once the vid was posted online, people started attacking him for supporting genocide (because that's not a leap of logic at all), and he quickly put out a message denouncing everything he's said and done ever, including being born. Then he just had to reassure all of his bullies that he's "okay" even further. The Norwegian 2023 singer who was supposed to deliver her country's jury results had already announced she won't as an anti-Israel measure, so when he was supposed to give the Finnish jury vote, he simply announced he won't, letting people make the connection, and figure out for themselves that it was an anti-Israel move.

Still I think you can take the ones who weren't loudly nasty to Eden, and assume most were nice enough to her privately, even if not publicly. To figure out who those probably were, on top of the ones I mentioned above, I'll just give a short rundown of the performers who were being awful about Israel to different degrees (so you can figure out who was at least decent by way of elimination): Ireland, Belgium, Switzerland, the UK, the Netherlands, Greece, Portugal, Lithuania, Norway, Finland, Slovenia, San Marino, Denmark.

I hope I helped... Have a good day! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[newtscamanderimagines]

Hello! I was wondering if I could request something?? It's totally OK if not, I totally understand lol. I was wondering if you could wrote some Newt Scamader x sibling reader comfort, platonic siblings type stuff where reader just hasn't been feeling so hot mentally and feels like their friends don't want them around anymore? I've kinda been struggling with that lately...

She/her or gender neutral reader pls. 🥺

Feel free to dm me if you have any questions and please don't feel bad if you won't accept my request, I 100% understand.❤️❤️

Much love ❤️

A/N : thank you so much for this request! This is the first request I have ever gotten! I’m proud for coming this far with this account and I hope you enjoy this cute fic because I put everything I could into it 🫶🏻 REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

~I will be there for you~

You and your friends are meant to be going out. That’s was until they texted you that tonight was cancelled because someone was sick and didn’t want to miss out so we will reschedule the event. You texted back that that’s okay and that they should let you know when it will be rescheduled. They read the message but never replied. They have been acting all strange over the past few weeks and you don’t know why. Your mind immediately went to thinking “what is they are trying to get rid of me?” And over thank it. Overall you mentally haven’t been feeling very good about yourself anyways. You felt like you didn’t have the looks of your friends. Tina, Queenie and the rest. You doubted your looks in every dress you had on to go on a date with (y/b/n). Your eyes pricked with tears as the thoughts went through your head.

You felt as lonely as ever, sitting in your bed, small amounts of tears falling down your face. You didn’t know what to do. You felt like nobody wanted to be around you anymore. Even Newt and Theseus weren’t around anymore. Newt has his book and Theseus is too busy with Leta. More tears flooded so you thought about everything.

All of a sudden Newt came home. “Y/n” I’m home!” He shouted as the apartment was quite big. He didn’t hear a sound.

He thought that maybe you fell asleep or something. He came into the room and saw you door was open a little and so he pushed it open further only to see you in a crap state.

“Hey…y/n are you alright?” He whispered softly as he stood in the doorway just wanting to make things better as a brother.

“Yea- yes I’m to- totally fine” you choked out holding your head in your hands.

You brother needed to go over to you. He hated seeing you this upset.

“You know you’re not okay. What’s wrong?” He asked as he sat beside you on the bed placing his hand on your shoulder rubbing his thumb to help you relax.

“It’s no-nothing” you replied more tears falling. Newt didn’t believe you one bit whatsoever. His eyes softened as you sobbed in front of him slowly breaking his heart.

“It can’t be nothing y/n, you’re crying this much and you NEVER cry.” He smiled a little when he heard you giggle slightly with a wave of happiness washing over you for a second.

It’s ju-just that no-body wa-wants me around any-anymore everyone is busy

D-doing things and I-I’m just not goo-good enough!” you cried into your hands trying not to look at newt in the eyes with your red and puffy eyes.

“But I’m here” he said trying to look down to meet your eyes but failed.

“No you’re- you’re not! You ha-have your b-book and creatures!” You sobbed. Newt went silent. He was meant to always be there for you. He was your big brother and he didn’t do what he was meant to do, be there for you. He felt a huge amount of guilt.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry I-I never knew” he said now wrapping both of his arms around you. You declined his hug and tired to get his hands off of you by squirming and smacking his arms. No matter what you tried he didn’t t let go.

“I’m not letting go until you calm down” he said tightening his grip around you feeling heartbroken to see you like this and him being a part of the reason why. He wouldn’t let go whatsoever. No matter what pain he is getting.

It took you a while to calm down and Newt knew you were calm when your body went limp in his. The room was silent, you were still and all he could hear was you breathing deeply.

“I truly am sorry.” He said tears pricking his own eyes. As he gave you one last hug. You looked at him in sympathy and despite your mood, you smiled at him and ruffled his hair making it a mess.

“You really know how to mess with me don’t you?” He asked playfully.

You just simply gave him one squeeze in the ribs causing his to let out one belly laugh before sitting up.

“ I do have one thing I think will cheer you up.” He said as he opened his case that was beside him and called out the nifflers. They all came out flying over to you and a ton of shiny things were now splattered on the bedsheets. You played with them and was the happiest person alive.

“Just remember, I will be there for you “ ruffling your hair playfully causing to create a play fight.

[darthvaderofmiddle-earth]

I am entirely useless to the capitalistic world. The only jobs I can do are ones that require no degree. Those jobs abuse the fuck out of everyone, and pay minimum wage, or less, then hope you make the rest in tips.

Jobs that need certifications, I am too disabled to pass the classes for to get said certifications. My ADHD/autism brain fails everything and anything, always has, unless that thing is a language course or literature course.

I can't become a delivery driver because, again, disabled brain that can't handle the insane intensive CDL classes.

I can't do warehouse, shipment, or construction work because I can't bend, stand long, lift heavy things repeatedly, move heavy objects, etc.

I have no degree because I couldn't pass college due to my mental disabilities. So I can't go into any teaching fields, professor positions, anything.

Literally, I am stuck for life in retail work, getting paid shit wages, I make the least out of everyone in my house, I get no benefits and never have, and guess what? My shitass father says it's my fault that I can't get out of retail, that I haven't looked hard enough for a better job. I'm fucking lucky if one good job is hiring right now, and if they are, that I have the requirements to apply to said job, and if I can apply, that I get any response back, and if I do get a response back, that I don't get turned down immediately for an unknown reason, and if I don't, that I get an interview, and if I do get one, that I hear back even if it's just to tell me I didn't get the job.

If I apply to a retail position, I have to pass minimally 3 personality tests, multiple training exercises, and several arbitrary "intelligence" tests, none of which tell me whether or not I passed, just to possibly have my application go through for a minimum wage entry level position as a cashier, regardless of the fact that I've worked retail for 6 years. Those positions, most often, will give no reply and I'm applying to a void. If I get a response, most of the time it's to tell me I won't be considered/the job is looking for other candidates. If I get considered, I'm lucky to be told when my interview will be, but I usually get no further than the consideration. And if I get and go to the interview, dressed formally and appropriately, with a full resume of valid experience, and nail the interview completely, I'm damn lucky if I get a call or message back. Most often, that message will just deny me. If I don't get a message, I call the store to speak to the hiring manager, and the manager is, somehow, mysteriously always on vacation, or unavailable, and never gets my message relayed to them when they are.

And still, to my father, somehow, this is my fault. I didn't follow up enough, I didn't look hard enough for a good job, I didn't try hard enough to do xyz, whatever. It's ALWAYS my fault.

And? The same goes for my disability. Somehow he thinks I can overcome the conditions I have, and become completely abled, bend and lift and move heavy things, pass every class, etc. He believes I'm not trying hard enough to overcome my disabilities, that I'm not doing enough and I'm using my disabilities as an excuse and thus limit myself and what I can do simply because I "believe" my limits are what they are. He thinks I can push those limits and become abled.

You know what happens when I push the limits? I break my bones, I tear my muscles, my body collapses, I have breakdowns and meltdowns, I end up driven to the edge and kill myself. And whose fault is that? Well, apparently, it's mine. I didn't HAVE to break that bone. I didn't HAVE to tear those muscles. I didn't HAVE to collapse. I just wasn't doing that thing right!!! IT'S ALWAYS MY FAULT AND I'M FUCKING SICK OF IT!!!!!

I am USELESS to capitalism!!! And I'm not good enough to my father because of it!!!!! And that is apparently my fault!!!!!! There is nothing I can do because, fuck, I need a job to live!!!!! How am I supposed to live if I get abused and used at every available job IF there's even a smidgen of a chance I land that job???!!!!!

How do I live without money?? I don't!! How do I make money?? A job!! How do I get a good job?? I literally am too disabled to do that!!! I'm doomed and fucked over!!!! I hate this!!! And there's literally no escape and no hope for me!!!!!!

[theorderofthetriad]

Hey op, you make a good point in your post but you might want to reformulate it a little bit..? Because a lot of pro-censorship people using CP are talking about fictional content (like underage fictional characters, etc) and not actual CP, which *is* absolutely banned on AO3. I know it's not your intention at all, but to someone who doesn't know the context, your reply might make it seem like there are real images of real, abused children on the website, when in fact anyone trying to upload any of those is getting banned and reported to the police.

((Oh also if it's ok, if you reply to my previous ask could you please screenshot it and censor the name instead of replying directly? I would prefer not to get harassed by the same mob that is currently attacking you 😅))

no, i won't screenshot this. you chose to send a message to someone who had anon off, you don't get to then dictate what happens to the ask after that. If you think your point is so important to make that you had to come to my ask box where anon is off to make it, then it's an important enough point to keep your name attached to. This response is specifically a response, to you, so, yes, i'm keeping your username attached to it. I will, however, turn reblogs off and not put it in any tags, because this response doesn't need to be spread around, it just needs to be on my blog.

Also, if I'm being attacked, it is news to me. There are some people responding to that post and clowning, but i haven't been, like, targeted, by people disagreeing with it.

The post in question

On to your actual point. The post has over 10,000 notes and is out in the tumblr wild, so i don't understand what you think me editing it now is gonna do about the wording issues you think this post has.

That being said, I was actually really specific about my wording. I used the phrase "CP" a total of once in that post, when i was roughly quoting a post made by someone for censorship: "[i saw] a post literally on my dash of the "if you're not for banning content on ao3 just admit that you like CP" ilk." I never referred to the content on ao3 as CP, somebody else referred to the content on ao3 as CP, that's literally the entire reason i made the damn post.

In my next paragraph, I say that "I do not like and do not want to see underage content," note i did not say CP. I said underage content because underage content is the thing that ao3 has, it's the warning tag that ao3 uses that I use to exclude content, its tag's existence is the thing that people for censorship are pearl-clutching about.

I didn't waste words on the post trying to specify that ao3 doesn't allow actual CSEM, or explaining how the "underage" tag includes a huge diversity of non-pornographic content because i was trying to make a very specific point concisely. The post was about how censorship will only censor the filtering system and not stop the content from being published and viewed on the site, and as such without those filters people will see such content unwillingly, I wrote my post with the focus on that.

Also I didn't waste words because, and I can't stress this enough, the pro-censorship crowd does not give a flying fuck about the semantics of CP vs CSEM vs CSAM vs "Underage", they will use all those phrases interchangeably as though they are all the same thing, they will not admit they're wrong or fix their word usage when someone points it out to them (and many many posts have been made to point this out to them.) So I saw no point in specifying those differences in my post. I'm not going to waste my time hitting my head against a brick wall when I've seen people do the same countless times before and not work, I'm not wasting my time making the same damn arguments on the subject that have already been hashed out to death.

If someone read my post without context, misunderstood what I wrote, and decided to assume they understand the situation based solely on my post without bothering to further look into the subject, that is 100% their problem, and not of my concern.

[outerspaceisbetterthannothing]

I was just reading your anon message about periods and I just wanted to add a few things that I think may have been overlooked: While you are correct that most times pain, especially severe pain, associated with periods is the result of an underlying medical condition, there are a subset of women who experience cramps without any underlying conditions/diseases. These women typically experience a decrease in the amount of associated pain over time, but sometimes the pain persists (1/?)

Similarly, you are also correct in that exercise can be a great tool for some women (chronic conditions or otherwise) in managing and controlling cramping, however it works to varying degrees and is not effective for everyone. The anon was correct in noting that cramping is the result of contractions of uterine muscles to expel the lining of the uterus which it so nicely built up in anticipation of a baby that ultimately never came (2/?)             

I'm unsure on what you mean when you say the abdominal muscles are overtoned? I'd love some clarification as I'm sure some women experience pain from a different source during menstruation. Lastly, the natural fluctuation of hormones such as estrogen and progesterone during menstruation & ovulation can cause some women to experience mood swings and while the majority of the time this can be well managed with diet and exercise, in some cases it may not fully negate the potential for swings (3/?)            

Sorry last one (4/4)   Although you are sort of hitting on a bit of truth in noting that mood swings should not be largely affecting your daily life. Typically if they are, as you said, it's indicative of a larger issue that could be addressed.             

thanks to the anon for mostly agreeing with me. i’ll also add some shit.

one more (and the last, because i do believe that i’ve said more than enough on the topic) time:

feeling pain and mood swings is natural. but the fact that it’s natural doesn’t mean you should tolerate it in silence if it affects your normal everyday life. so if it does, go see your doc and check things just to find out why you feel pain so much. it can be nothing serious but although dishormonal things being mostly not very dangerous, it can influence your normal life and so it’s always better to check and be sure everything’s fine.

also note please, that feeling stronger pain during your puberty is also more natural, but with time it should decrease and you can help your body with it.

if you’re sure you’re okay and there’s no medical condition that should be adressed, just educate yourself on what can effect your health. there’s nothing wrong with it! knowing your body is very important for your life, imo. there are  lots of sources online that can explain basic things, like stress, diet and habits influencing your periods pain.

here are some links from the top of the search

https://helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/period-cramps-101-why-menstrual-cramps-and-pain-occur-and-how-to-relieve

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319579

https://time.com/4761733/yoga-pms-period-cramps/

here are two whole ass researches on the topic of diet and yoga influencing pain

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5963185/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4962262/

if you don’t wanna read, here’s in short: researches show that if you drink a lot of water, eat more healthily, eliminate big amounts of salt, fast carbohydrates, fat, soda and packeted juices (that have much more sugar in them than anything good) there’s an extremely high chance you’ll feel better during periods. also, stop smoking, don’t take a lot of caffeine, start exercising, little things, no one says you should be an Olympic athlete to feel better. the level of your stress is also one of the most common triggers.

here are some poses from yoga for when you feel period cramps

https://www.lunette.com/blogs/news/7-yoga-poses-to-help-ease-menstrual-pain

my favourite is Viparita Karani (number six), it brings better blood flow to your abdomen and relaxes muscles real quick (that’s what i meant under muscles being overtoned). they are fast and can be done every day in the morning, periods or not, and in a long run it will definitely make you feel better. taking a look at eastern systems like yoga in general can be benefitial, as it is a huge system with lots of tips on achieving mental health and physically helathy life style, like diets and stuff. you don’t need to become a faithful follower to exercise some parts of this system in your every day life. just try and maybe you’ll find something for yourself.

so, take care of yourself and remember that you’re not obliged to live in pain. i mean, cold or headaches are also natural, but everyone cures them. you can “cure” your pain, limit it to the point when it doesn’t influence your life. patriarchal world has been telling women they were born to suffer for so long that in modern times i see so many women agreeing on it silently, without asking any questions. and it breaks my heart.

love yourself. study your body. visit doctors regularly. learn how to help yourself.

live a happy painless life, darling girl. you fully deserve it.

[romanstheory]

Can you make a soft Rhea x reader smut because there isn't enough soft Rhea lol

I agree!

18+

Word count : 823

Rhea and I have been broken up for around 6 months now, and I would be lying if I said I don't miss her. We did everything together when she was here. Her schedule made it hard to stay together, extremely hard. It was a mutual break up, so there's no bad blood between us. Her smile is so contagious, her touch so caring, and her eyes full of love every single time she looked at me. Her career is her main priority which sucks so hard, but she's worked her entire life for this.

Selfishly I always wanted her to give it up to be with me, but I would never tell her that. We haven't talked since the break up, it's just too painful. I run my own business and it's been very busy so my mind as been occupied, but I can't quite shake the thought of her while laying in bed at night. I'm making myself some breakfast to start my day off of work when my phone buzzes. I look down at my phone and it's a text from Rhea. My heart seems to stop for 2 seconds and I just stare at my phone. "Oh god.... what could she want" I say out loud.

I grab my phone and look at the message. "I'm dropping by later, I think we should talk" it reads. My heart sinks a little further into my stomach "Okay, I will be here" I reply. What could she want to talk about? Are we getting back together? Do I want that? A million thought race through my head. I spent the entire day thinking of a million things she would want to talk about, none of which I liked. Hours pass and I hear a knock at my door. "It's time" I say to myself as I open the door.

"Hey Y/N you look nice" Rhea says with that contagious smirk. "Thank you" I reply guarded "So.... let's sit and talk". Rhea agrees and we sit at the kitchen island together. "I just think both of us need closure from the break up" Rhea says softly "You say what you feel and then I will and we leave it where it is". I let out a deep sigh, I could already feel my emotions getting the best of me. "If I'm being honest, I miss you. I miss everything about you, and I'm just a little bit broken still after our breakup" I struggle "I felt like I always came second to your career, and I know it means a lot to you but didn't I?"

Rhea stops and stars at the ground "I've worked my entire life for this Y/N, it was selfish of me to even rope you into all of this. The lifestyle, the lonely night, all of it." Rhea says staring into my soul "I hate that I made you feel that way". She puts her hand on my leg, caressing it. I still want her so bad in every way, but we just won't work. I begin crying and she moves closer and pulls me into a tight embrace. It's like sparks are flying between us. I can't help myself, I look up and plant a passionate kiss on her lips.

She seems surprised, but willing to accept. Our hands begin exploring each other like they always used to. I slip my hand into her pants, playing with her as a gasp escapes her lips. She guides my pants off, and I do the same with hers. She swirls and strokes my vagina with her soft hands, the air becomes thick with lust. Everything about her just drives me crazy! Our kisses become sloppy and wet. "I want to taste you" I say lustfully to Rhea. She says nothing, just smiles and walks to our once shared bedroom. She gets on the bed and lays flat on her back "Dinner is served" She says with a smile.

"No, sit on my face" I say swiftly. This takes Rhea by surprise but she cooperates and I lay on my back on the bed. She sits her round ass on my face, putting her vagina right in my mouth. I begin licking and rolling my tongue around her sweet spot. Rhea let's out a sexy groan and rocks her hip back and fourth. I continue exploring her with my tongue while pleasuring myself. I can feel her tensing up, it's almost time. I swirl my tongue in her juices, hitting the right spot over and over again. "Y/N! I-OH SHIT!" Rhea struggles. She couldn't finish her sentence before her juices started flowing down my chin.

She gets off of me, and flops down on the bed next to me. The room is only filled with our panting, no words. Neither of us had anything to say, but we both agreed that we had a good time

[minahoeshi]

you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

--

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

[4aloysius-porteu]

i am your ally || tsukishima kei.

pairing; tsukishima kei x f! reader

genre: oneshot, drama, flangst, a little comedy

word count: 5.6k

details: 3rd year Tsukishima, artist reader

warnings: reader going missing, verbal abuse, crushing of dreams, lots of sadness, heavy parental argument, everything that happens here hits home

synopsis: tsukishima didnt know what is the right thing to say after he heard of (y/n)’s situation, but the words that stumbled out from his mouth were a surprise, yet it blossomed to a meaningful talk that happens once in a blue moon.

(a/n): wrote in the middle of my depressing days to find a little comfort from this character that I love with all my heart. inspired by true situations irl; if you, my friend, is feeling down today, i hope reading this work of mine can help. i might make this into a full story if this got enough attention tho.

(Y/N) was nowhere to be found. 

It wasn't Tsukishima's habit to eavesdrop on other people's conversation, but he couldn't help but listen when he heard her name from her classmates. She was a consistent top student that will never neglect her studies, so it was unusual to know that she was absent today. He thought that maybe she got sick or she decided to go crazy and skip school. If it was the latter, he hoped that she knows what she's doing, because midterms are coming in 3 days, and he's not going to listen to her whines and begs to help her study for the tests.

And now he just happened to overhear that she was missing. 

He saw her parents walk out of the campus after talking to the vice-principal and to the teachers. Gossip filled the corridors and rooms. Tsukishima went back to his room, clearly annoyed with the unnecessary noise.

He listened to the lectures of each subject and continued to write down important points, but the thought of (Y/N) lingered in his head. What could've happened that led to her disappearance? Was she kidnapped? No, he just walked her home last night and she'll never leave her place past midnight. Kidnappers won't dare to make a move in daylight because of the town's high authority visibility. There's no way she'll be lost in an area she's very familiar with. 

She ran away from home. That is the only logical possibility he could come up with, but he couldn't think of an idea as to why. (Y/N), who loves to be cooped up in her room with music blaring in her earphones while drawing, left her home without a trace. Tsukishima was a little worried, but he won't let his face show whatever the hell he's feeling. 

His plays and blocks aren't exactly bad, but Yamaguchi could sense that Tsukishima was thinking of something other than the volleyball practice. He approached his friend who was resting on the floor, his long arms covering his curled up legs. 

"Tsukki, what's with that expression? Did you get a failing score in a quiz?" Yamaguchi started, in an attempt to lighten up the atmosphere. 

The blonde's eyes darted to him, "Like hell, I'm going to let that happen. What do you want?"

He shrugged, "Nothing, I just noticed that you were a little quieter and more passive today. Normally, you would've chewed the first years out with their simple blocking errors, but you didn't say a thing. You're scarier in their eyes when you're silent."

"I was tired. I'll only waste my voice pointing out something I did a million times." A sigh escaped his lips 

"Right..." Yamaguchi paused, "So, I assume you have heard?"

"Heard of what?"

"That (Y/N) is missing."

"Oh," A frown fell on his features. It wasn't his usual frown. People who really know him would notice that his eyes are full of worry. 

He sat beside Tsukishima before he spoke again. "I know you have ideas on places (Y/N) could've gone to."

"I do not know what you're talking about."

The latter chuckled, "Oh, humor me, Tsukki. If you're that worried, I can excuse you for today's practice. No problem."

"Does that mean that you aren't concerned?"

"I am concerned. I want to look for her as well, but I have to whip the other players into shape. I'm sorry if I couldn't accompany you right away."

Tsukishima stood up and sighed again, "You will excuse me, you said?"

"Yeah."

There were silence and the background noise of balls and shoes colliding on the floor. He wiped the sweat off his face before replying, "I'll be leaving the gym in a few minutes."

He changed his clothes and packed his things up, causing the team to exchange glances.

"Tsukki!" Yamaguchi called, throwing his friend's large jacket to him, which the other caught. "Take care! I hope you find (Y/N) and get her home safe."

"I wish. Then, I'll leave it to you, Captain."

The green-haired middle blocker's eyes teared up and sparkled as he beamed a smile back, "I got it!"

Tsukishima started to look for (Y/N) at the places she liked to go to; the art store, the Central Park, the kid's playground, the museum, and the prefectural library. But there was no sign of her anywhere. He looked at the nearby places to no avail. He walked on while dialing her number, but her phone is out of coverage area. He spent 3 more hours finding the girl and soon received a message from Yamaguchi, telling him that (Y/N) hasn't been found yet and that he joined the authorities to help them find her. 

He walked back to the direction of his home, panting softly. He had failed to find (Y/N), yet his brain won't stop thinking about her possible whereabouts. The cool breeze of winter hit Tsukishima's face and shivered at the contact. He had hoped again that she is inside of an establishment, safe from such cold weather.

Tsukishima's home has its lights out. Her mother was invited into her colleagues' reunion as said in her text, and both his father and brother are busy at work. He reached for his key in his pocket and was opening the door, not until he heard a loud sob from somewhere. Tsukishima looked around the place as the sobbing continued. He searched for the source and ended up in their backyard. He caught the sight of a small figure behind the bushes and went closer to confirm.

It was a cat. It had scurried away once he got close to it. Oh, how stupid he is to get his hopes up only to find a scared animal. But he was certain he heard a sob somewhere near. And cats aren't capable of making a sound like that. Or maybe he was only hearing things?

He dragged his feet to the main door to unlock it, but this time, there was a loud noise of scrubbing on the roof. What is it this time? He moved back and looked upon where it came from. 

To his surprise, it wasn't another cat but a person. Their legs were curled up, arms covered around them, with their chin on their knees. Tsukishima turned on his phone's flashlight and there she was. 

It was (Y/N). Her shoulders shook, either from the cold or trying her best not to cry out loud. 

"H-Help me."

He stared at the girl, confused and fighting back laughter because of how scared (Y/N) looked. "How the heck did you get in there?"

"I climbed that tree and jumped off to break in and hide in your room. Turned out that the windows are locked. I don't know how to jump back and I-I was too high from the ground. You know I'm scared of heights! Why did you lock the window?! Stupid!"

"Of course, I would lock the window for the security. And wow, aren't you the stupid one for knowing how to climb and jump up to my window and not knowing how to get down? Why did you climb if you are scared of heights? Such an idiot."

"Fine, fine. I am an idiot. Now, can you help me get off this roof?"

He crossed his arms and smirked, "No."

"Ugh! Please, Kei. I've been trapped here for hours. I am begging you to help me get down. Please?"

He sighed in defeat and raised his arms. "Here. Jump."

For seconds, (Y/N) didn't respond as she was having second thoughts about jumping.

"What? Do you expect me to get a ladder? I'm sorry, but it's in the basement, broken." He said in a mocking tone. "Don't you want to come down?"

"Can you catch me properly? Are your arms stable? Won't you fall on your ass?" (Y/N) interrogated.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, "Alright, stay there and freeze to death."

"No, wait! I was just asking! Come back! Don't leave meeee!"

The blonde looked up to her and raised his arms again, "Don't think. Trust me, I will catch you properly and you won't crash to the ground. You weigh like nothing anyway."

"Are you talking about yourself?" She retorted, pertaining to his weight.

"Can you please just jump?"

(Y/N) inhaled and went to the edge of the roof. It was a scary view for her, just looking down makes her dizzy, and want to throw up.  She thought he would have the largest frown on his face because of how irritatingly slow she was, but there was Tsukishima waiting for her with the calmest expression. She smiled a little.

"Here I go..."

She took off, closing her eyes, and swallowing her fears. The gravity pulled her feet down shortly after, and Tsukishima readied himself for the impact as he reached her waist. He held on to her lower torso while (Y/N) placed her arms around his shoulders tightly and legs on his waist. The athlete's balance slightly went off, so he took a step back to support both their weights. It was now steady. 

"I'm surprised you didn't lose your balance. Where's the weak boned beanpole 3 years ago?"

"I did for a second."

"Doesn't matter. You caught me. Thank you."

They had stayed in that way for a moment until Tsukishima spoke, "Do you plan to get off?"

"No. I'm tired."

"I am too." Yet she refused to let go.

He exhaled, carrying (Y/N) to the main entrance and finally unlocking the door. Her hoodie was cold and some parts are wet, but it didn't rain on that day. He took her in and placed her on the couch. Tsukishima went to his room, changed clothes, and brought a spare sweatshirt, handkerchief, and a towel. He went down but didn't find (Y/N) where he left her, so he walked to the kitchen counter and found the girl on the corner, shivering like a pup.

He tossed the clothing at her without further words. There was a note from her mom beside the curry in the table, saying she had eaten and she left rolls in the refrigerator. He was about to turn on the stove to reheat the food his mother left, but his eyes landed on (Y/N) who sat quietly, hugging the sweatshirt instead of wearing it. Her hair was disheveled, the sleeves and neck part of her hoodie was damp, her nose was red and her puffy, bloodshot eyes implied that she has been crying for who knows how long. He set the pan down to get her a glass of water. 

"Everyone was looking for you." Said Tsukishima.

"No one was really looking for me." (Y/N) replied, clearing her nose. 

"I didn't spend the last 3 hours tiring myself to scan the whole town for no reason." He sat beside her, handing the glass. "Care to spill the tea?"

(Y/N) drank first before speaking weakly, "I hate them. So much."

The male remained quiet, waiting for her to continue her dilemma.

"Remember when I told you and the class that I will be the most successful doctor in Japan after I finished my studies? It was a lie. It wasn't my dream to stay in a hospital and treat ill people, I only wanted to draw and paint. I didn't care if it never made them or anyone happy, I am happy doing it. And they are taking it away from me."

He knew from the start that her dream job as a doctor wasn't true. For years she stayed close to him as a friend or more, she won't blabber anything of the medical topic. She was terrified of syringes. He saw her reading an article about surgeries and like, but her focus was easily taken away.

She will get a pencil then start scribbling and drawing. Something that Tsukishima always sees her doing whenever she has a pen and paper, but she insists that it was a mere hobby. Her notebooks are well designed and organized, but the back is always full of artistic doodles instead of algebra solutions. She only has very few art materials yet she can make a portrait with only her fingers to shade. She makes digital art without a stylus. She would drag him to the museum after class to view some western and eastern paintings or any work of art while he admires the dinosaur fossils. For times she's watching an art tutorial and talk about art, draw and paint, she has those stupid sparkles in her eyes and a huge smile on her face. 

"You know Tsukishima, after I finish studying and became a doctor, I'll become an artist and if the time let's it, I'll open my own art gallery. That's my ultimate dream." She looked alive and delighted.

Very much the opposite of what she looks like right now. 

Even though she was a slave of art, as Tsukishima was a slave of his own interests, (Y/N) prioritized her studies so much. He understood why when he went to her house and met her parents before their study sessions. He had noticed everything but chose to stay quiet. 

"I-I was drawing last night. Dad entered my room but I didn't notice so he ripped the music away from my ears and yelled. He said that I would always lock myself in my room and draw every night. It was never-ending and irritates the shit out of him. He asked why would I do something so useless that isn't even connected to any academic subject. He was looking down on my art like he was looking at a piece of crap. He told me to stop and threatened me if I didn't. Why would I get punished for drawing? I couldn't get myself to stay silent so I retorted. If he doesn't want to see me drawing, then he shouldn't enter my room at all. He should stop meddling with my hobbies. His anger only went up."

(Y/N) stopped for a while to wipe her tears and snot with her sleeves but Tsukishima placed a handkerchief on her hands. She muttered her thanks and blew her nose and soon followed with a sneeze.

"Soon, it became a full-blown argument. He said that he was checking out if I was doing my projects, but oh he was so disappointed only to find his daughter drawing for nothing. What the heck? I gave them the best grades I could get, and part of it was because of you, Tsukishima, but they still aren't satisfied? I balanced drawing and academics, but they made it seem that all I was doing was my hobby, completely ignoring my efforts at school. I finished the school activities and I reviewed for midterms and all I want is to be left alone and draw. What, they want me to go crazy by studying every hour with things I won't even apply in real life?"

Her fake laughter echoed in the kitchen for seconds before her depressed tone took over again.

"Mom heard all the shouting and joined the argument. Of course, she sided with dad without listening to my feelings and there they ridiculed their youngest child's interests and talent. They told me that everything I do is bullshit and wrong, that I was useless, that I was the huge opposite of their expectations, and... and how come God gave them a joke. She said they raised me so that I could help them, not to do such useless things. It hurts to shout back but I did to explain why I'm so passionate about art in hopes that they will listen and understand but, I was so wrong. I was suddenly slapped..." She placed her hand to her left cheek, her lips quivered a little. 

"I-It stung so much. Mom complained about how the Internet generation is so rebellious and won't listen to the elders. They didn't raise and teach me to talk back at them, but here is their child being a bitch. They started comparing me to my elder siblings or relatives who focused on their studies and who are at the door of success. I know they only want me to achieve the best, but my success isn't up to them! It's on me!! And I've invested a lot for that! They shouted at me as mom pulled my hair. It was so loud I thought I was going deaf. Dad blamed the gadget's influence and my drawings. I have only drawn decent fanarts of fictional characters, people, and sceneries, but they believed that because of these, I turned into a mannerless bastard. So mom decided to get my phone and lessen my allowance so that I wouldn't buy any art materials that are a waste of fortune--"

She bit her lower lip that is trembling uncontrollably and her eyesight blurred as her fat tears got in the way.

"and... D-Dad... he... he... he tore m-my sketch pad apart..."

Tsukishima's eyes widened. (Y/N) brought that thing with her almost everywhere she went and it was filled with good drawings and art plans. She has a lot of them though, but Tsukishima could only imagine how she felt when her efforts were trampled over by someone important to her. 

(Y/N) broke down, bawled her eyes out, and shrieked hysterically. He looked at her with a heavy heart. He had seen her crying sometimes, be it because of a sad movie or empathy, but never like this. A depressed, emotional wreck. Her eyes were sore enough after a lot of hours, but she won't stop crying. It was heartbreaking to see and hear his significant other in this state, yet Tsukishima didn't know what is the right thing to say. 

But maybe there was no need to say anything at all.

Kei wrapped his arms around her weeping figure and pulled her towards him. Cry it out, pipsqueak. (Y/N) didn't expect this action, nonetheless cried in his shoulder He didn't care anymore if this meant he gets his clothes drenched in her snot and tears as long as she felt a little less lonely. He rubbed her back and hair in an attempt to comfort his lover. (Y/N)'s airways hurt, but she screamed the pain out, in hopes that the pain in her heart would vanish. Her weeping went on for long minutes until she choked in her own sobs that Tsukishima had to get her another glass of water.

"Tell me, Kei." She began, wiping her eyes, "Is there... something wrong with me? Is my dream really that insignificant?"

"There's nothing wrong with you. You followed your ideals. Anyone including me would've done the same." He answered beside her.

"I-It's realistic, right?"

"It is."

"Then... why did it turn out like this?" Her voice was cracking.

Tsukishima looked down, "The society is just very cruel."

"Yeah. It sure is. Such a cruel society to live with." 

(Y/N) let out a dejected sigh and leaned on Tsukki's shoulder. "I couldn't look at them without such overwhelming fear and hate anymore. I wonder if... they knew that I was doing this for them. I'd like to make them smile with something I've made myself. Once, I made each of them a portrait. A realistic one made from a pencil. I couldn't afford a material set that can be used to paint realistically, but I tried my best to impress them with a charcoal one. Oh, if only you saw their faces when I gave them the portraits. They returned a half-hearted smile. It wasn't the same kind of joy I see whenever I give them perfect scores on tests. I didn't spend 3 sleepless nights just to see their half happy, half unpleased reaction. I wish they could feel more proud of their daughter who worked hard for them... I wonder if they threw it away as he did on my sketch pad..." 

They let silence engulf the atmosphere for a while. (Y/N) had calmed down a little, despite shedding smaller tears from the side of her eyes. Tsukishima held the sweatshirt he gave her earlier to make her wear it on the top of her hoodie to lessen her shivering. He stared at her, while the other gazed down on the floor with dead eyes.

Tsukishima asked, "So, what are you going to do now?"

"What am I going to do now huh..." (Y/N) repeated. "I'll probably... put everything to an end."

"You know I won't let you."

"I'm not talking about my life, silly. I might stop drawing and all. I've lost it."

"Isn't your life and drawing one and the same? And I'm pretty sure you have that immense talent to continue."

"No... Besides, talent isn't a talent if it doesn't make anyone happy."

The blonde mentally scoffed. She just said that it makes her happy in the beginning.

"Oh? Fine, stop doing that one thing you put everything into. What would that girl you received a commission from would feel if she were to hear you though?"

(Y/N) was stunned. She had completely forgotten about the whole commission thing she opened in her social media accounts. Tsukishima accompanied (Y/N) on giving the commissioned charcoal portrait to a girl last 3 weeks ago. It was (Y/N)'s first commission for years she's making art. Someone liked her work for the first time and paid for it, and her client looks very contented and glad. The words she said filled her thoughts with inspiration.

"Wow, this is awesome! I'm so happy!! Thank you for making this, it was exactly what I've pictured on my mind! You're amazing! All the excitement I've bottled up for this day is so worth it," The girl, probably a little older than them paused and admired the painting she received from (Y/N).

"Would you ignore those words she said?"

 'Please don't stop drawing, I'll be looking forward to your future works!' 

A pang of guilt hit her chest. She wants to pursue art, but there are these shackles and chains on her limbs and around her neck that made it hard for her to move forward. She couldn't breathe. What happened yesterday night was too much. Her parents went overboard. 

"B-But—"

A monotone voice interrupted her, "Don't. Never stop striving for something you have been building for years. You might be defeated now, but surely, you will win some time. There's no way you'll stay in the lowest level of the ladder after I saw how hard you worked. You will go to nationals again, and I will continue to support you. I'll cheer for you and stay by your side! So please, do not stop! Let me see those beautiful blocks that you execute in the game once more! And I will watch you reach the top! Doesn't matter how many times, I'll never get weary of watching you do amazing things!"

She was silenced by that statement. She had definitely heard those before, but couldn't quite remember where. 

"Does the sentiment seem familiar to you? Those are the same words that came from your mouth when I was planning to quit volleyball after our huge loss to Date Tech last year. I am returning them back to you."

"Huh?" She replied with a meek voice.

"That time, you really did a good job meddling with my decisions. It annoyed me first, but what you had stated held a weight that I couldn't disregard. You gave me the small push I didn't know I needed. In the end, I'd like to pay you back." Tsukishima stated with a far away look in his eyes.

(Y/N) listened with watery eyes. This Tsukishima's side isn't definitely the one she gets to see every day so she couldn't feel anything but the warm, fuzzy feeling that is healing her heart. 

"It's probably selfish for me to say this but, don't you dare give up. I didn't stop. No matter how long and hard the game is, no matter how tired and discouraged I get, and no matter how many pessimistic thoughts clouded my head, I didn't stop chasing after a falling ball and thinking of another tactic to counter the enemy. I kept your words with me in court. It was you who told me not to in the first place, and I'm not going to forgive you if you ever dropped everything. I won't let the stupid, starry-eyed (Y/N) die today."

The girl beside her started sobbing. "But you told me once that my drawing are ugly."

"Oh. That. I... kind of remember that. I'm not sorry about what I said because I did it to provoke and rile you up. It was a lie though. As someone who always sees you drawing, I can't call your work ugly at all. Your art is... astounding. You make it look like it's so easy to do. I think you forgot next sentence after I told you that."

"What was the sentence after?"

Tsukishima sighed, "I told you to keep doing it, right?"

The sound of (Y/N) crying engulfed the kitchen, "Oh gosh, why did I forget that... I'm sorry, I'm so idiotic..."

The blonde brought her back to his arms, "Will you stop crying, you've been too hard on yourself today,"

(Y/N) hid her face on his chest, muffling her speech, "c-couldn't help it... my mind is such a mess... I do not know..." She paused, coughing. "It's no use if m-my parents don't acknowledge me..."

"Hundreds, or perhaps thousands of people who follow you on social media account recognize you. People in school recognizes you. I recognize you. I am your ally. Isn't that enough reason for you to get back on your feet? I will support you just like how you supported me. You have a lot of people who admire you, but I only have a few people and you. Yet your words are enough. I'm certain that soon, you will reach your parents' standards and get them to acknowledge you. It's not impossible."

(Y/N) fixed her tear-stained face before looking up to him, "You know what? Who are you? Is a good spirit possessing your body? The Kei I know will either stay quiet or laugh at me for being pathetic."

"I was trying to be nice for once and this is what I get?" He frowned.

(Y/N) chuckled and hugged Tsukishima, "I'm sorry. Everything you said meant the world to me. Thank you very much."

She relaxed against his lean body, "I have a question though..."

"What?"

"You literally had no business in my art, it was my own problem. Why are you doing this?"

"Why don't you ask yourself after you argued with me that night? Why did you have to butt in with my choices?"

"Because you like volleyball! You might look like that someone stole your dinosaur collection when you're at practice, but you're good at it and have a future in it! It is a part of you, and you're deciding to throw it away? Your potential is too big to be wasted and I refuse to let that happen." Her voice is a little louder now, but hoarse.

"There's your answer, little gremlin."

"How is that— Oh."

"But I'd like to add something."

"What is it?"

"You look better doing what you really like. It makes you look less like a hag."

It was silent after that. (Y/N) punched his arm. Tsukishima didn't even wince but asked, "What was that for?"

"The last statement was unnecessary, and the first one is sweet yet cringey." She criticized. 

"C'mon, I'm just a teenager. Aren't you the cringey one most of the times?"

She used the handkerchief to sniffle her runny nose away, "Why do you have a knack of returning everything I said to me?"

"I won't do it if it's not appropriate." Tsukishima placed his hands on her back and to her hair, "So, what are you going to do now, (Y/N)?"

"I'll think things through. My brain is still slightly messy, but I'll be fine, thanks to you. But Kei..."

He hummed as a response. "I don't want to go home. I want to run away."

"Not possible. You can't survive on your own. You're almost 18 and until now, you don't understand how a washing machine works with all your perfect scores in exams."

"This is just a thought. I didn't say I'll be alone. I'm taking you with me."

"I refuse."

"Why?"

"Couldn't you wait for more months until we graduate?"

(Y/N)'s eyebrows raised, "So basically, you're agreeing, but not this time?"

"No, but you'll be free of your parents' suffocating control. Who knows how huge is your potential by that time."

"How considerate of you." The girl smiled.

"Only this time. And no, we won't live in the same place in college. Not yet. Not until we finish our studies, have secured jobs, and get important things done." 

"Will you be playing volleyball at college?"

He lazily replied, "Probably."

"Don't give me such an ambiguous answer!"

"Probably yes." 

"Hmm. Fine by me. I'll continue to draw, then." (Y/N) rested her head near Tsukishima's neck. 

He smiled a little at her answer, "Another thing though. I don't think... you should leave things with your parents like that. There'll be a time where you have to face it."

"Yes, that sucks... I don't want to think about it but I'll have to go back eventually... When that confrontation happens, I'll try to calmly talk it out with them. I will never be certain if it will end well. But my hate and fear of them won't change."

"You can always run back here if it didn't end well."

"Kei, don't want to see their faces just yet. Can I stay here for a while?"

"You even bother to ask. You are welcome anytime in this household. Just enter the house in the front door, not in my window."

"Right... thank you."

"Oh, now it's my turn to ask. How did you get in there?"

(Y/N) sighed, "It was on 4:30pm. I was on the loose and I looked for a store where anyone can't recognize me so I can eat for lunch. But there's this creep who kept on following me—"

"Did he hurt you?" He abruptly questioned.

"No. I ran as fast as I could before he could even get close to me, but in the next block, there were the town authorities with my mom, and I knew they were looking for me, so I blended into the people with my hoodie on and made my way. I climbed the tree in panic that they'll find me and hid there. It took me hours to notice that your house is just next to it, so I decided to climb to your window. However, the window was locked, and I was stuck."

Tsukishima sighed in relief. "It was a miracle that a klutz like you didn't fell off the tree and surprisingly, no one found you."

"I was high in adrenaline when I climbed the tree. My blending and hiding skills are in ninja-tier now, I beat you."

"Whatever. What did you have for breakfast?"

"...a melon bread."

"Just that?"

"Just that." 

Tsukishima kissed her forehead before lifting her up with him. "Go change. Borrow any of my clothes. I'll reheat the food."

(Y/N) kissed his cheek, slowly got off him and went upstairs. Tsukishima opened his phone to text Yamaguchi about her situation and proceeded to reheat the spicy curry. 

"Wait, Kei! Is it okay for me to eat?" She shouted from upstairs.

"What kind of question is that? Of course you can." He shouted back.

"Your mom left that for you, for your dad and for your brother. I'd feel bad."

"My brother and dad will come home late and I'm sure they've eaten already. So is mom."

"Are you sure? I can replace the food." She said while going down the stairs.

"Oh, you can cook? I'm afraid you'll burn the whole kitchen." He mocked.

"At least not the whole house." (Y/N) laughed, "Just kidding, I have a tiny knowledge in cooking."

"You don't have to, I told you they already ate. I'll bring out the sushi mom made if you still want to eat."

"Alright. Thank you for the food."

Few hours later, Tsukishima's mom came home and took off her shoes. "I'm home."

As she was about to enter the living room, Akiteru greeted her and placed his finger in front of his lips, indicating her to keep quiet. She wondered what was going on and saw her youngest son and his girlfriend leaning on his shoulder, asleep on the couch in front of the TV. He signaled her to read the note Kei left on the table. 

To mom, dad, and brother,

Earlier in the morning, (Y/N) went missing and her parents and town authorities were looking for her. I found her on the way home, but it turns out that she ran away from her home because of an intense argument between her parents, and doesn't want to be found yet. Please let her stay here for a while. I'll do most of the household chores or any favor you ask me in return. 

Mom, I shared the curry and sushi rolls with her. I left for some for dad and brother. (Y/N) said it was very delicious. 

Love, 

Kei.

She smiled after reading the note and looked at the sleeping kids. She took notice of (Y/N)'s eyes and quickly understood the situation. Before she left to rest in her room, she looked for a spare blanket and laid it atop them to keep them warm. 

(Y/N) snuggled further to Tsukishima's arms, satisfied on how this night will end well, unlike yesterday's.

©4aloysius.porteu.2021. please do not repost, copy, or edit. plagiarism is punishable by law.

[songsoomin]

Begin Again Part 3 (A, S, F)

Word count 7k

Idol!Jongho x Fem!Reader, Best friend!Hongjoong. Reader has serious body confidence issues due to an emotionally abusive past relationship but Jongho helps her recover. Y/N is struggling with the anxiety of being intimate due to feeling exposed because she still can’t imagine anyone finding her physically attractive.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, both emotional and psychological, body shaming, anxiety issues. Oral sex (m and f receiving), unprotected sex but reader is on oral contraception, very slight mention of manhandling and strength kink. Smut from the very beginning. In fact, most of this chapter is about Jongho and Y/N’s first time together.

Authour’s note: Reader is overweight but not as massive as she thinks she is. She has been conditioned through psychological abuse to believe she is very fat and unattractive. This is not intended to be the kind of story where reader becomes thin and is then happy and gets male attention (although, due to reader’s warped sense of self she does equate being thin with being happy). Even after losing some weight (for her own health and happiness) she is still somewhat overweight and curvy but the more important part is that she gets her confidence back and that is what makes her happier and more attractive.

Part 1 Part 2

Posted 9th February 2021

Soft moans left you as Jongho kissed your neck, biting lightly then swiping his tongue over the delicate skin where he'd just bitten. You were laying on his bed where you had been watching a film until Jongho's gentle touches turned into something more.

It had been months now since you had officially begun dating, after that night at the club. At the coffee shop you'd almost convinced yourself that he probably confessed because he'd been drinking but he promised to convince you otherwise, having seen the doubt on your face. You'd gone to bed that night hoping you were wrong and, true to his word, Jongho turned up at your apartment the next day for a real date.

Despite it having been months - and Jongho being the most amazing boyfriend - you'd not gone much further than kissing. Sometimes he would touch your chest over your clothes but you were still too insecure to be undressed in front of him. It wasn't that you didn't want to go further because you really, really did. Jongho's lips drove you crazy but something in your head just wasn't letting you progress in your relationship.

You sighed, frustrated, and Jongho pulled away to look at you.

"Y/N...it's fine. I told you I'll wait as long as you need. You don't need to rush this if you're not ready."

"I'm sorry, Jongho, you know I want to...I just...I can't get past this insecurity. It's like my brain can't accept that you'll still like me once you see me with my clothes off. I still can't see why you like me even with them on."

Your boyfriend looked at you sadly, his shoulders dropping slightly. It hurt him how you still thought of yourself.

"Y/N, you are so beautiful and one day I'm going to show you just how beautiful I think you are."

Despite him saying this kind of thing to you often, he could see that the message still wasn't getting through and wondered if there was something else bothering you.

"You know you're safe with me, right?" He said seriously.

"Of course, I do! It's not that."

Jongho was nothing like your ex but the damage he'd done meant that you were still having trouble trusting your new boyfriend. You trusted him to treat you well and be the wonderful person that he was...you just didn't trust that he'd still want you once you were naked in front of him. You genuinely worried that once he saw you like that he'd be disgusted and change his mind.

"Why don't we wind back the film and catch up on what we missed?" Jongho suggested.

He could see you were deep in thought but it didn't look like you were going to elaborate on your reply.

"Okay."

You gave him a small smile but it didn't reach your eyes. You watched the film distractedly, too busy hating yourself for not being able to move on from your past and feeling like a massive let down to Jongho.

                                                   ********

Some weeks later you were in the same situation except in your apartment now, Jongho on your comfy sofa with you sitting on his lap, facing him. When he first asked you'd resisted, sure your weight would make him too uncomfortable but when you voiced your concerns he'd cheekily replied with a wink,

"There's only one place you're making me uncomfortable."

Now you were straddling his lap you loved it. You could feel his strong thighs beneath you and his large hands on your hips. Your boyfriend's tongue explored your mouth once again and every now and then he would nibble on your bottom lip, eliciting quiet moans from you.

As he moved his lips along your jawline and down the soft skin of your neck, you started to feel that familiar tingling in your core and couldn't help but to grind against his crotch. His jeans were tight against the large bulge there and you smiled to yourself thinking back to his comment about you making him uncomfortable. You continued to grind against him and a louder moan slipped past your lips at the friction you felt.

Jongho took this as a positive sign and slowly moved his hands underneath the floaty top you were wearing. He always moved slowly so he could guage your reaction before going too far for you. You froze before quickly gathering yourself and pulling your top back down - the dark blonde man's hands already gone having felt you tense up.

Looking away from him you mumbled the apology you'd become used to giving and earning the usual sad look from Jongho because he kept telling you, you don't have to apologise for how you feel. Gently he moved you off his lap and onto the seat next to him but took your hands in his.

"Y/N...I'm not trying to rush you, I just really want to show you how beautiful I think you are...and how much I want you."

He sounded so sincere it made you feel even worse. You didn't want him to feel bad when he'd done nothing wrong.

"I know and I'm sorry. You're not making me feel pressured at all and I do want to do this but I can't get over the fear that you won't want me once you really see me."

"What do you mean?"

A confused look crossed Jongho's face as he waited for you to elaborate. You thought for a moment, trying to frame the words.

"Well...once you see what I look like underneath all this..." you said feebly gesturing to your clothes, "you won't want me anymore. I'll disgust you."

Jongho managed to look both astonished and incredulous at the same time.

"That's really what you think? That I'm so shallow I'd change my mind over your appearance?"

You looked away because the look he gave you now just made you feel ashamed.

"Haven't I told you enough times how beautiful I think you are?"

"I know I look better now I've lost some weight but - "

He let go of your hands suddenly and you felt the weight of your mistake in his absence.

"Don't you dare imply I only like you because you lost weight!"

He'd never got upset with you before but the hurt and anger in his voice was unmistakable.

You looked up cautiously not wanting to see the hurt in his eyes.

"The first time I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen - that's why I was so shy around you. I couldn't have cared less what size you were. When you mentioned losing weight I saw that as my chance to get to know you alone. I didn't think you needed to change, I just wanted to spend time with you."

"Jongho, I - "

"You know, I don't have any problem waiting until you're ready and feel comfortable but what really hurts is that you think I could be anything like him."

The disdain in Jongho's tone as he mentioned your emotionally abusive ex was so obvious it made the vast difference between them strike you even more. They were polar opposites so why were you treating Jongho like he could be similar in any way? You sat, quietly ashamed while he continued.

"I think you look amazing but you are so much more to me than what you look like. How could you think I'd only care about that? Is that the kind of person you think I am?"

You looked up at your boyfriend without an answer. It was impossible to escape that you'd really hurt him but you didn't know how to make it better. You'd let your insecurities cloud your mind to the kind of man he was. It was him who was amazing and you'd made him feel like you didn't trust him at all.

"I'm sorry, Jongho...I just..."

You didn't have any other words so you just looked down at your hands while you wrung them unconsciously.

"I know your past treatment has really damaged how you feel about yourself...but I thought you knew I was better than that."

He paused just long enough to collect his keys and wallet before adding,

"I'm going to head home. I'll see you later."

You felt helpless to stop him as he walked out the door and quietly shut it behind him. The fact he'd shut it quietly was more like a slap in the face than if he'd slammed it - it showed how much more hurt he was than angry.  

Tears bagan falling down your face as you sat motionless on the sofa. Jongho was so patient and understanding and you'd just stomped all over that. It was enough that your past was still hurting you; you couldn't allow it to hurt him, too.

                                                    ********

"Joong?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't know what to do."

"About what?"

It was Friday night, your weekly movie night with Hongjoong and your bright red-haired best friend was sitting beside you on the couch engrossed in the film you were supposed to be watching but you were having trouble concentrating. All you could think of was the last time you'd seen Jongho and how hurt he'd looked.

"I really hurt Jongho and I don't know how to make it better. Has he said anything to you."

"No, he doesn't really confide in any of us about personal stuff. What happened?"

You cleared your throat as Hongjoong looked at you, expectant.

"Well, we haven't been...intimate yet..."

You trailed off as the male's eyes widened slightly as he realised where the conversation was going. You looked away, somewhat embarrassed. You'd talked to Joong about sex before but not about your own sex-life - or lack-thereof.

"Oh. Right. Well, now I think about it I know you guys weren't doing anything at the dorm but I guess I just assumed you were doing it here at your place. Not that I really thought about it."

He quickly added the last part and you laughed despite your unease.

"Can I ask what that has to do with hurting him?"

You shifted uncomfortably because you knew it was unfair to have let your past affect how you thought of Jongho and you didn't want Hongjoong to judge you.  

"It's not that I think he'd be nasty or anything...I'm just so scared that he won't feel the same about me once he sees me...naked."

Hongjoong fixed you with a look that somehow managed to both sympathise and disapprove at the same time.

"Y/N, Jongho isn't like that. You know he's not."

You looked down at your hands, feeling a bit ashamed of yourself.

"I do know but I can't seem to let go of the fear that he'll realise I'm not good enough."

You best friend sighed and put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you to his side.

"I do understand why you can't; your ex spent everyday making you feel worthless. But..." He shifted so he was looking you in the eye,

"I don't think you'll ever overcome it until you take that leap. Until you do it and see that you were worrying for nothing, that fear will just eat away at you. You've made so much progress with your confidence lately so I know you can do this."

"Believe me I want to." You said earnestly. "He's so fucking hot I just want to -"

"Hey!" Hongjoong startled you with a shout, "I do not want to know what you want to do to him. He's like my baby brother, I can't think of him doing that shit."

"Ah, yeah. Sorry."

"Seriously, though, Jongho really likes you and I can't imagine anything will change his mind. He doesn't vocalise his emotions much but I've seen the way he looks at you when he thinks we can't see. He adores you. He has done since he first saw you."

You were resolved now. He was right, it would never get better if you didn't take a chance. You were supposed to be seeing Jongho tomorrow night so you wouldn't have long to wait.

"You're right, Joong. Thank you. I'm just going to have to go for it."

"Well, look at it this way...if you saw Jongho naked and he's not...uh...as big as you imagined, would it change how you felt about him?"

You rolled your eyes.

"Of course not. To be honest, though," You lowered your voice slightly, "from what I've felt I don't think that will be a prob-"

"Stop it!" Hongjoong looked horrified but you couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry, Joong. You did bring it up though."

                                                ********

The next day you decided to do everything you could to make yourself feel attractive and desirable; you waxed, shaved your legs, put on your best perfume and make up. When it came to clothes you didn't go all out as it was just a night in with Jongho but, earlier that day, you did spend some time shopping for a new matching bra and panties set. You didn't want to go slutty (yet) as it was going to be your first time with him but you still wanted it to be sexy. In the end you went for a pink with sexy lace detailing and cute, little bows. You weren't really sure what Jongho liked yet but you thought a bit of sexy and bit of cute would cover all bases.

You'd probably overthought all of it because you knew Jongho wasn't like your ex and he wouldn't be cruel but, in the back of your mind, you still had that fear that you would disgust him. It's what you'd come to think anyone would feel upon seeing you like that. You knew he was entitled to be upset with you when you voiced those fears to him, though, because it implied he was shallow. Thinking that he might care more about what size you were belittled his feelings for you.

You knew those feelings were there in everything he did. Hongjoong was right, Jongho didn't voice his emotions much but you could see how he felt about you in how caring he was. Often asking if you're feeling ok, making sure you're happy, making you laugh. He wasn't one for a lot of physical affection but he'd always wind his arm around you when out walking. If you were just watching tv he'd hold your hand or pull you in to his side. He seemed especially aware of when you were anxious like he was attuned to your emotions. He wasn't obvious about it but he would just take your hand and rub soothing circles over your skin with his thumb until you felt calmer.

When you really thought about just what an amazing boyfriend Jongho was, you could hardly believe you let your fear of rejection marr your relationship with him. You had to overcome it, though, because Jongho was just too precious to lose. You hadn't fully acknowledged it yet but you knew you were in love with him. Hopefully he felt the same about you.

The evening came and you and Jongho were watching a Netflix show you'd recently gotten in to, however, he could see that you weren't really concentrating. Observant of you, as always, he noticed your fidgeting hands and took them in his to calm you.

"What's wrong, Baby?"

What were you to say? 'I want to fuck you tonight but I'm not sure how to start things off’? You were never the one to start anything physical between the two of you, given that the nasty part of your brain loved to remind you that you might not be wanted.

"Nothing...I just wanted to do something but I'm not sure how to start."

That was a lie, really. You knew what to do, you just weren't sure how to summon up the courage.

A confused look flashed across your boyfriend's face at your very vague statement.

"What did you want to do?"

Summoning your courage you leant forward and pressed your lips to his. You felt his surprise for a second as he was always the initiator but it was only for a second - he eagerly returned the kiss from there on.

Jongho parted his lips slightly and swiped his tongue across your lower lip - an indication that he wanted to deepen it, to which you more than happily obliged.

As your tongues swirled around each other's you shifted on the couch to straddle his lap, just resting on his strong, thick thighs. This was another thing you'd never done, too worried your weight would be uncomfortable for him but you imagined if he was, he would let you know but he gave no sign of that. On the contrary, he seemed all too pleased to have you there, his hands grabbing your hips and pulling you further down into him.

As you continued to kiss you could feel the bulge in his jeans growing and gave an experimental thrust of your hips, earning a low moan from the man beneath you.

"Mmm, Baby what's gotten into you tonight?"

The way he looked up at you, his dark eyes curious but full of desire stirred a long-buried confidence from within you, resurrecting your dirtier side.

"Nothing...but I know what I'd like in me."

The best word to describe the look on Jongho's face was dumbstruck. This was absolutely not the kind of thing he expected to hear coming out of your mouth and, after taking a few seconds to recover, he cleared his throat.

"Y/N, are you sure you want to do this? You know I don't mind waiting until you're ready."

"I don't want to wait anymore. I want you."

Just then a horrible thought struck you - courtesy of the nasty part of your brain. What if he didn't mind waiting because he didn't like you that much?

"Unless you don't want to, of course."

Jongho rolled his eyes.

"Baby, I want to. So much. Just because I'm willing to wait until you're comfortable doesn't mean I'm not desperate to fuck you."

"Really?"

"You have no idea how much."

Feeling elated, you kissed him feverishly, your confidence renewed by his words. He returned the kiss just as enthusiastically, slipping his tongue in and making you go weak, like always.

You began grinding your hips against his clothed cock once more and Jongho moved his lips from your mouth to your neck, kissing along your smooth skin towards your shoulder, moving the fabric of your flimsy top and your bra strap aside when it got in his way. Both of you were getting pretty worked up at this point so he pulled away to whisper in your ear,

"Let's go into the bedroom."

A thrill of excitement ran through you at the meaning behind those words because, despite your insecurities about your body, you had fantasised about fucking Jongho for months now.

He led you into your bedroom by your hand - he hadn't been in here before as you'd never got to this point but, despite having not seen it, he didn't waste time looking around the room; his attention was solely on you as he headed straight for the bed. He sat you down on the side of your big bed and gently pushed you back - you got the hint and shuffled into the middle of your big bed with him following. You laid down and Jongho settled beside you, propping himself up on one arm and looking down at you, his eyes searched your face one last time for any signs you weren't sure about this. It wasn't your first time but it was your first time with him and the first time with anyone since your confidence and self-worth had become so damaged.

"Remember...if at any point you don't feel comfortable or change your mind...tell me and we can stop."

You placed your hands on either side of his face and smiled up at him - he was always thinking about you over himself. You didn't know how you'd got this lucky.

"I might not feel comfortable with myself but I am with you. I won't want to stop." You told him confidently and it was true; you knew he was going to look after you.

You pulled him down towards you so you could kiss him again - it had only been minutes since you last kissed but you needed his lips on yours again.

Jongho's soft lips pressed against yours gently at first but became more demanding as time went on and you kissed him back with just as much enthusiasm. The way your tongues swirled around each other felt somehow different this time - maybe because you both knew it was leading to more this time. Sometimes when you were kissing Jongho you felt you were both a bit reserved about it because you knew it wouldn't lead anywhere so why get yourselves that worked up? This time there was more passion, more desperation; you both wanted this so much. He wasn't rushing, though, he was taking his time and allowing you to feel comfortable before moving on to the next step.  

Your boyfriend's lips left yours to travel down to your neck, kissing and sucking your delicate skin while you got your breath back from the long kissing session. While he did this, the hand that he had on the side of your neck slowly moved down your chest and under the flimsy top you wore. You couldn't help but tense up and he paused his hand's movement but you put your hand on top of his and moved it upwards, urging him to continue. As anxious as you were, you wanted him to carry on...to feel his hands on your body.

Jongho's fingers lightly ghosted over the part of your breast that wasn't covered by your bra and just this simple touch was enough to start the excitement building in you. You wanted more, you wanted to be free for him to touch your chest so you did the bravest thing you'd done in ages, you sat up and lifted your top right up over your head, throwing it somewhere on the floor. You felt exposed but Jongho smiled at you appreciatively. You didn't know but this reassured him in a big way. He was worried that, as he was always the one to initiate anything between you, he was pushing you forward quicker than you'd like but this small action let him know you wanted this, too, and that you trusted him to be exposed in front of him like this.

More confident now, the dark blonde straddled you on the bed and returned to kissing your neck, switching between soft kisses and licks to biting and sucking - wanting to mark you so everyone could see you were his. As he marked the sensitive skin between your neck and shoulder a moan slipped past you at the sensation and you bit your hand to try and stifle it, embarrased at how easy it was for him to affect you like that.

"Don't." He said, gently pulling your hand away from your mouth, "I want to hear you. I want to hear how I'm making you feel."

You nodded and he went back to kissing you, slipping your bra straps off and moving down your chest, stopping to mark the top of one breast before reaching his hands behind to undo the clasp and removing the pretty bra completely. Instinctively your hands flew up to cover yourself but Jongho was quicker, grabbing your wrists and pinning them on each side of your head.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked with a small smile on his face. "I want to be able to see my beautiful girlfriend's body."

You couldn't deny him, not when he was looking at you so sincerely. Like he really did think you were something worth looking at.

"I'm going to let go of you now and you are not going to cover yourself up." The authoritative tone in his voice only added to your arousal but he really made you shiver when he brought one of your hands up to his head and said lowly,

"If you really need to do something with your hands you can play with my hair. I like it."

Your fingers trailed through Jongho's soft hair as he leaned down and brushed his lips against your breast...almost at your nipple but just teasing around it. Next he placed a kiss on the hardened bud, softly but just enough to excite you and have your core clenching around nothing. When he finally latched on to your nipple and sucked hard a thrill shot straight to your core and you pulled on his hair, earning a low groan from him.

He continued sucking and nibbling while he pinched and twisted your other nipple, switching sides every now and then and really working you up. If he was trying to excite you so much that you started to forget about your insecurities, then it was working. You didn't even tense up as he began to kiss down your stomach, undoing your jeans as he went. It would be a lie to say your worries weren't still in the back of your mind but Jongho was making you feel so good, kissing everywhere - even the areas you thought were too big - like he wanted to love every single part of you.

Your head snapped up when he stopped and got up - anxieties all ready to bubble up to the surface - but he just smiled at you from the end of the bed as he pulled your jeans completely off and said,

"Don't worry, Baby...my mouth will be right back in a second."

You giggled and relaxed back as he discarded your jeans, watching him crawl back up the bed to you before kissing you passionately. You felt his gentle fingers stroke your folds over your panties and had a brief moment of embarassment upon realising he must be able to feel the dampness from how excited he'd already made you. It was only a brief moment, though, because the overriding feeling was an absolute desire for him to stop being gentle and slide his long fingers inside you already. There was no way he didn't know this because you began to squirm slightly and bring your legs together in an effort to get a little friction at least.

"Are you that impatient?" He whispered in your ear, his hot breath fanning over your skin.

"I want you." You whimpered shyly; aware that he held all the power in this scenario but not minding one bit. If you had to define your temperament in bed, you would definitely be on the subby side.

"You can have whatever you want." He laughed affectionately, nibbling your earlobe before moving down to where you wanted him most.

Jongho slowly started to slide your damp panties down your legs and you felt like you just might explode. You were now wondering if he wasn't just going slow to make you feel more comfortable but instead wanted you to die from sexual frustration. You watched him impatiently as he finally took them off completely and he smirked. He was definitely teasing you and enjoying every minute of it.

His strong hands gripped your knees and parted your legs before positioning himself in between them but he wasn't done teasing yet. His soft lips ghosted over the delicate skin of your inner thighs right up to where they met your pussy. You could feel his breath tickle your folds as he hesitated, just admiring you and you whined loudly, partly because you felt too much on display but mostly because you needed some relief right now.

"Jongho!"

"Okay, okay. I'll stop teasing. Every single part of you is just so beautiful, even your pretty little pussy. I could just look at it all day"

You moaned again at his words and he dove straight in like he'd been waiting forever to do this, his hot tongue parting your wet folds and licking straight up from your core to your clit as his hands found their way around your thighs to pull you closer to him.

The moan that left you when his tongue finally touched you there was loud and erotic because he'd worked you up so much you'd become desperate for it - your clit so sensitive from anticipation that you imagined you'd cum embarrasingly quickly. In response to your obscene noises you felt the vibration of Jongho's low groan run through you - only adding to the sensations his tongue was providing.

As he lapped at your clit you couldn't help but grab his hair tightly, trying not to pull too hard but failing. He didn't seem to mind, though, he was getting more turned on by it if the grinding of his hips into the bed beneath him was anything to go by. Desperate for more you pulled him further in to you by his hair and he somehow knew what you wanted; he closed his lips around your clit and sucked hard. Another porn star-like moan escaped you; no one had ever made you feel quite this good before. He was almost taking your breath away with ther sheer pleasure his mouth was giving you.

Jongho's fingers dug in to your thighs as he pulled you impossibly close and alternated between licking and sucking but it was when he started to nibble at your clit that you came hard and loud, the waves of your orgasm flooding over you and drowning you in more pleasure than you'd ever felt before. It seemed to last forever as the dark blonde didn't stop, still lightly sucking to keep your high going. It wasn't until your legs were shaking and you were whimpering from overstimulation that he finally let go - not before a couple of kitten licks to your now unbearably sensitive bud.

Jongho crawled up the bed and reclined next to you, leaning on his elbow so he could look down at your blissfully fucked-out expression. He cupped your face with his hand and kissed your lips; you were still a little dazed but you enthusiastically kissed him back. His hand trailed to your breast, using his thumb to stroke your hard nipple and you squirmed a little as the feeling went straight back to your swollen clit. It was both excrutiating and incredibly pleasurable but too much for you to bear right now so you reluctantly took his hand and interlocked your fingers while you kissed instead.

Of course, he knew what you were doing and the smug look on his face confirmed that.

"Was it too much?" He inquired with fake innocence.

You shook your head and closed your eyes, still a little out of breath and he giggled at your still dazed state.

You laid quietly for a few moments, your boyfriend's hands stroking your skin, before deciding it was his turn. You got up and pulled on his shirt, indicating you wanted it off, he quickly complied and, once free of the clothing, you pushed him so he was laying flat on the bed. Straddling him you kissed his soft lips first, noting there was still a faint trace of you on them, before giving a little kitten lick to his top lip and moving down to his neck. As you kissed the skin around his collarbone he moaned lowly - clearly he enjoyed being kissed there as much as you did.

The noises coming from Jongho seemed to increase as you made your way down his toned chest and abs, running your warm hands over his smooth skin as you went. His body was so beautiful but, for once, you didn't feel inferior. The way he had treated you so far made you feel adored and even now, naked and exposed, he looked at you so appreciatively. The only thing you were feeling right now was amazement that someone this perfect could be yours.

As you reached the line of soft hair that went down from his belly button and disappeared into his jeans you felt excited to see what was underneath. You had a good idea that he was on the bigger side from the bulge you'd seen after some heated kissing sessions but you couldn't wait to see it for real so you started to unbutton his jeans. Jongho leaned up on his elbows, watching with anticipation as you unzipped him and took the waistband of his jeans and boxers in your hands. You looked up at him as you pulled them down, taking in his wide eyes and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Part of you wanted to pay him back for the teasing while another wanted to draw out this moment of anticipation so you pulled down his clothing slowly, glancing up once or twice to see the slightly frustrated look cross his features. You smiled to yourself as you continued but the smile soon fell from your lips as you finally saw what Jongho had been hiding.

You felt your eyes widen as the smile dropped, your lips now open in awe. You knew he was going to be big but...fuck. Jongho wasn't just long, he was wide, too.

"Y/N?" His deep voice pulled you from your thoughts.

"Oh...uh...yeah?"

"You like what you're seeing?" He asked, looking more than a little smug.

"Yeah...but..."

"But what?" He teased.

"I just didn't expect you to be quite this...big."

Jongho giggled at your flustered expression. "You worried you're not gonna be able to take it all?" He said cockily.

"Oh no, I'm having it all." Your awe had faded and now you were getting excited again; you were desperate to see how he felt inside you.

Jongho groaned at your words and shimmied his jeans and boxers down past his hips while you took his length in your hand and slowly started to stroke up and down. He watched your hand moving as you gazed at him, not breaking eye contact as you lowered your head and gave his most sensitive spot a little lick. He groaned as you enveloped the head of his cock with your mouth, having to open wide to get it all in, then closed his eyes and threw his head back as you started to bob up and down.

His hands found their way to the back of your head - not pushing, just holding on as your head moved, intertwining his fingers with your hair. You could feel when he was getting more excited because his hand in your hair started to hold tighter, although it seemed like he was holding back slightly, trying not to hurt you.

You pulled off his dick, turning your attention to that most sensitive spot on the underside just under the head, flicking your tongue over it again and again. His hand in your hair shook slightly and he couldn't help but grab even tighter - you smiled and looked up at him teasingly. He almost growled but, surprisingly, pulled you off him completely. You didn't have time for your surprise to turn to worry, though, as he quickly said,

"If you carry on like that I'm gonna cum."

"That was sort of the point." You retorted playfully.

"I don't want to cum in your mouth just yet. Besides, tonight is for me to make you feel good and...show you how much I love you."

You heard the words but they didn't register fully as you were too busy worrying about him.

"But I want you to feel good, as well."

"Oh, I will," He replied confidently, "but I want to fuck you now and make you cum some more."

A shiver ran down your spine at his commanding tone. How could you refuse that kind of offer?

Jongho gently pushed you down so you were laying on your back, looking up at him in anticipation, the excitement was building inside you again. His strong hands spread your legs then placed himself in between them; he was looking at your pussy hungrily as it clenched around nothing but desperately wanting something to fill it. He leant forward and held himself over you with one hand while, with the other, he lightly started to stroke your wet folds with his fingertips. A shaky sigh left your lips and you closed your eyes, a little frustrated as your boyfriend seemed to be a master at teasing. You couldn't decide if you loved it or hated it because it drew the moment out and you knew it would feel a hundred times better once he finally entered you but god did you want his cock right now.

You opened your eyes again to see Jongho smirking down at you while he continued to stroke your folds - he was clearly loving the effect he had on you. You looked up at him with pleading eyes and he giggled but gave in to your unspoken request by sliding two fingers into your aching hole and curling them upwards to press on your sweet spot. You moaned loudly from the sudden relief - you were right...the teasing made it all the more rewarding now that he was touching you.

Your dark blonde boyfriend lowered his lips to yours and kissed you passionately, his tongue dancing with yours as you let him dominate the kiss. He pulled back slightly and sucked your bottom lip before gently nibbling it then pulling away completely. You chased after his lips, not wanting it to end so he gave in and kissed you some more, still sliding his fingers in and out of your wet hole.  

When he pulled away again you let him because you knew there was much better to come and you wanted more than just his fingers inside you. Jongho knelt between your legs and replaced his fingers with his achingly hard member, sliding it up and down between your folds and collecting your juices to lubricate himself before lining up with your heated core. As he pushed his length inside you, you both groaned in unison. You could feel him going deeper and stretching your walls out as they hugged his cock tightly - you'd never been with anyone that big before and it felt exquisite.

"Shit, you're so tight." Jongho growled as he bottomed out in you.

"Maybe you're just - aah! - too big." You said playfully as he found your sweet spot again.

Now that he'd found the right spot, Jongho continued to thrust, hitting it every time. It was overwhelming and you could feel the tension building in you causing you to keep clenching around his cock even tighter. As he picked up his pace even more, Jongho grabbed your hips so he could fuck into you harder. He was gripping you so tight you imagined the bruises that would be there in the morning and it caused your orgasm to approach even faster - you'd always had a bit of a kink for being manhandled.

Soon enough the high crashed over you and you cried out wantonly while Jongho did his best to keep going but your walls were holding him so tight now he could barely move.

"Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good around my cock."

As your high ebbed away and you relaxed a little, Jongho began to fuck you again. Now your pussy was hyper sensitive you could feel every ridge and vein as he thrusted in and out and the lewd squelching noises of him fucking your own cum back into you. His harsh movements were causing your breasts to bounce and you had a tiny moment of embarrassment. You moved your arms to cover yourself again but instantly Jongho's strong hands grabbed your wrists and pinned them on either side of your head.

"I told you I wanna see you while I fuck you. Your tits look so beautiful bouncing as I slam my cock into you."

As if to confirm how much he liked it he bent his head down and took one of your hardened nipples into his mouth and sucked hard. It felt so good you forgot all about being embarrassed and Jongho pinning you down while he fucked you was a bigger turn-on than you'd imagined. You hadn't told him but you loved how strong he was.

You could feel he was getting close to cumming by the way his hips began to stutter and his dick twitching inside you. You knew what you wanted but weren't sure if he wanted the same.

In a small voice you whispered, "Will you cum inside me?"

"God...I've been waiting so long for this. It was torture not being able to fuck you."

You took that as a yes.

Jongho's grunt increased as he neared and with a few more sloppy thrusts he came inside you, covering your tight walls in his creamy, white release.

He stayed inside you for a while, just getting his breath back. You gazed up at him wondering how he could be even hotter now that his hair was slightly sticking to his forehead with sweat.

Your boyfriend slowly pulled out of you and laid down beside you, drawing you into a hug and gently stroking your hair. It was quiet for a few minutes while you just enjoyed the sensation of being naked in his arms with nothing between you. Something was also playing on your mind, now that you remembered the words he spoke earlier but that you'd been to distracted to register at the time. After some time thinking you decided to just ask him.

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" He asked, bending his head down to kiss your hair.

"You said you wanted to show me how much you love me." Your voice was almost a whisper as the fear of being wrong gripped you but without a second's hesitation he replied,

"Of course I did. I love you. I know I haven't said it before tonight but it seemed like a good time to tell you."

You looked up at him, gazing back down at you with the most sincerity you'd ever seen in his beautiful, dark eyes.

"I love you, too, Jongho. I think I have done for months now."

"You are the most beautiful person in the world to me - inside and out. Don't ever forget that."

"How did I get so lucky to have you?"

"I am perfect, aren't I?" He joked. You rolled your eyes and playfully swatted at him.

"If you want to," he said, more serious now, "you can have me forever."

"Deal." You replied, snuggling back into his strong embrace.

[acertainsomeone]

Finding us- EdSer one shot

If he had any doubts before, this incident cleared them altogether. Eda Yildiz had not only taken over his holding and life but his dog as well. He couldn't come to terms with the fact that his best friend, his dog, whom he had brought up since he was a baby, had turned his back on him. Ever since he proposed to Selin, Eda had asked Seyfi bey to get Sirius back to Bolat place. Not that she didn't love him anymore, she found it appropriate that the dog was returned to his rightful owner. She didn't wish anymore for Serkan to treat her worse, if fate planned, his memories will come back otherwise she was not going to desperately beg him to choose her over Selin. It wasn't about pride. Her love was much more than self-respect. She realized that Serkan was scared of her because she managed to strike chords of his heart that were nonexistent for him. If she pushed him further, if she hovered over his head, he would be irked and god forbid if something serious happened to his health, she won't be able to forgive herself.  

Sirius wasn't home, this was twice in the last three days that he had managed to escape. Serkan's pride was too much to call Eda and ask her to pay a visit to Sirius. Usually, he came back wagging his tail, it wasn't hard to spot him around but this time Serkan panicked. He checked the entire neighborhood and every possible place where Sirius could've gone. He had lost his memories; he couldn't afford to lose him.

"Where are you oğlum ?" He drove across the seats of Istanbul in apprehension. His heart skipped a beat thinking of a much worse possibility. Sirius wasn't among those dogs who get along with people, forget strangers.

What if somebody tried to harm him?

It wasn't hard to come across such crackheads, who would hurt animals for their pleasure.  

"Alo" Serkan answered his phone in panic upon seeing Eda's name on the screen. She was going to chide him enough for being so careless.

As if he wasn't to be blamed in her eyes already

"No need to wander around the streets, Sirius is with me. I'm sending you the location. Hadi gel." Her voice was devoid of any emotions, she didn't let him speak and hung up asap. 

 Did he make a mistake?

What was this place? And why would Sirius come here? He wondered while climbing the steps of the apartment. He entered and found a wounded Sirius lying in Eda's lap. He was asleep, and Eda was caressing his head.

"SIRIUS!" He cried in panic, and Eda glared at him for being so loud. 

"Shhhh you're gonna wake him."  

'What happened?" He asked incredulously. Sitting beside Eda, caressing his only best friend with affection.

"I think he ran from your place - to find me. He would've expected me to be at the park. Few children hit him there. Thankfully, I was there for a walk and spotted him immediately."

"What park? I checked all places where he could be."

"There are places that became Sirius's preference, if not yours." She rolled her eyes

"Anyways Serkan, tell me in all honesty, can you take care of him or not? I can't risk his life like this."

He was about to fight back with a 'he's my dog' but he knew that would've turned into a nasty conversation. He owed a thank you to Eda.

"Teşekkürler Eda."  

Eda looked at him plainly. It was hurting him to see her eyes without that love he was used to seeing ever since he came back. Why was it bothering him?  He pushed her away, that's what he wanted.

"You stay with him tonight. He needs to rest."  

"What is this place?" Serkan asked

"Home." She sighed in reverence. "I mean your home, you shifted here."

"Neden."

"I'll leave that story for your fiancé to tell after all she had been telling you everything, and you only believe her."

Eda picked her bag and stood up. "There's food in the fridge. Sirius's food is by the coffee table. And-        your room is upstairs."  She seemed in a hurry. He felt she was only telling him this to fulfill an obligation. He could feel her restless. But why? He had no idea

Serkan examined his room carefully. He was amazed Selin hadn't told him about moving out. The bedroom screamed that he was in a relationship with her Eda Yildiz.

Yok, the bed was made and broken lamps were fixed.

It had their memories. Her memories and belongings. Belongings that he would've never allowed in his premises.

Her clothes and undergarments were piled up along his. Her toothbrush and other toiletries were neatly placed in the bathroom. It didn't seem that they were placed there recently.

A weird sensation was pulling him towards those things. He ran his fingers through her belongings, having flashbacks. They were vivid.

For the first time, he heard her cackling voice too. It was blurry but even his bones could tell that they were in bed, and – he was doing things to make her laugh.

It can't be me

He shook his head in denial.

Serkan opened a drawer and found a USB. It wasn't the USB that grabbed his attention but the flower and note attached to it. That was his handwriting

"For us to remember all the good times- just in case."

***  

"Serkannn!! Would you stop? Look at my state." A sleepy yet annoyed Eda shrieked at Serkan, who was prolly filming a video. He chuckled at her words, not paying attention to whatever she said.

"Eda I know how you look like without clothes." She threw a pillow at his head, and the video disrupted. "Watch out!"

"Are you filming us naked in bed?"

"Hayır, I'm filming this for us to remember that you can't stay mad at me for long." He replied in amusement. This was one of those nights when she had been mad at him but they made out in less than a moment.

"You think too highly of yourself Serkan bolat."

"I've got the brightest star for myself. Shouldn't I?"

"Can you stop this? I have to get up Serkan!"

"How about first you record a message for an 80-year-old Eda, who might've forgotten me?"

"How are you sure that it can't be you."

"I love you way too much to forget you. More than you could. We can bet on that." He winked at her shamelessly

"Tamam." She wasn't going to fight him on this. Eda moved forward cautiously wrapping her naked self with the duvet and kissed Serkan on the tip of his nose.

"This message is for old, yet madly in love Mr. and Mrs. Bolat! No matter how hard the times are, no matter how grave misunderstandings can be, no matter how bleak the road of hope is, we will find our way back, together." 

"Always." He said with a smile and pulled her into a kiss. The video was for them so it didn't matter if it was all being recorded in that state. 

*** 

We don't choose our parents, we don't choose our family, and at times life doesn't allow us to choose our partner as well. He would've never in his right mind made an illogical choice of falling for Eda Yildiz.

Yet he did

Did he make a mistake?

Because all that he had given her in this relationship was pain, so far.

The video brought back a bunch of memories. Their first kiss, first fight, first night, and the last goodbye.

Serkan was mercilessly driving on the empty roads of Istanbul. It was raining heavily and he was drenched. This rain could've made him sick, terribly

But did he even care anymore?

He had hurt the most important person in his life. He ruined everything

How could he forget her of all people? Serkan always claimed to love Eda more than she could. His love was fragile

He sobbed mercilessly, wishing to hit the car somewhere and end this pain. Events of the past few weeks circulated in front of his eyes. The way he was indifferent towards her. The way he resisted her touch and broke her heart all over again.

I never deserved her

He smacked his head against the steering wheel. His tears blocked his vision and he had no idea that he was driving beyond the speed limit with an absolutely insane state of mind.

Suddenly it grew all dark. He couldn't see anything. It felt that the steering wheel was moving in its own direction

All he could hear was noise. Eda's cries and his broken promises.

He was sitting in the police station absentmindedly. Eda was completing the formalities. They hadn't had any eye contact so far else he would've started crying right there. She took him by his arm as if he was lifeless.

"Serkan noldu? You were absolutely fine when I left." She asked him apprehensively, careful not to touch him. "Do you want me to call someone? Selin-"

She stopped immediately. He looked at her for the first time. 

The gaze

Eda caught her breath. It was him. 

It was really him

She knew that man 

Those eyes, they weren't of a stranger. Those eyes recognized her, and she had seen love for her in them. But why was she seeing something stronger than love right now? Anguish

"Serkan!" She gasped unbelievingly. Her hands wrapped around his face possessively as if he'd leave this time if she didn't hold him tight

"I-" he was struggling with words. Should he tell her how scared he was when the pilot told them that the plane was going to crash? How he cursed himself for leaving her behind? Or how much he loves her? Where do I begin

Eda sobbed with happiness. She did not know what to say anymore. He was there, right in front of her. Her Serkan. Her robot bolat

The man who loved her

They were sitting at the shore. Looking blankly at the sea. The waves were calm but their hearts weren't. He had held her hand, and the grip was so strong that it was hurting her a bit but she didn't complain۔

"Eda" he broke the silence

"I don't even have words to ask for your forgiveness. I made another mistake, I broke your heart once again, didn't fulfill my promise, and became the reason for your tears." He was stuttering۔ words weren't leaving his mouth easily whereas Eda kept on looking at him with tears in her eyes

"What I did in the last few weeks can't be forgiven. I've hurt you. I won't beg you to return back to me. I can't make mistakes repeatedly and expect you to stand by the road waiting for me. I-" He stopped and his voice broke further

"Eda you might not want me back in your life but can you please forgive me? One last time? I won't be able to live with the fact that you hate me. Just don't hate me please"

He was begging her, his hands joined together in front of her pleading for forgiveness. His eyes were screaming in pain. He won't be able to bear that hate in this heart. If she stopped caring for him, he won't even bat an eye, but accepting the fact that she despises him? Serkan Bolat would die.

He knew he was being selfish. Yet again, he was thinking of himself. But he was selfish, he never deserved someone as selfless as Eda Yildiz. He disgraced their love, he ruined their relationship, and now if she wished to discontinue this fragile relationship, he won't subject.

"I failed our love Eda. I failed you." She could tell that he was not able to breathe properly. Eda's heart sunk the moment he adjoined his hands in front of her. With each pleading, it felt as if someone was squeezing her heart mercilessly.

"Fate failed us Serkan." She sniffed between her sobs. Her hands cupped his face immediately. She wanted to protect him, she wanted to curl his masculine self among her soft frame. She wished to provide him that comfort and safety his heart seek for the last few months.

He was asking her to forgive him. He feared that she hated him now. How could she?

Serkan had become more than a partner for her, he was a part of her. We don't detach ourselves from what lies within us.

He looked at her disbelievingly. Eda wiped his face with her palms. No more crying. They had enough, more than enough. The pain they had endured was enough for a lifetime.

"We'll leave. Somewhere far away, nobody could find us. Away from this mess, this hate, this chaos. Serkan we have each other. We are not going to let them ruin our happiness."

Was she for real?

"Tamam?" Eda pestered. He nodded in return, unable to say something.

"Seni cok seviyorum." Serkan mumbled only for her to hear as she adorned his face with delicate kisses.

"I have so much to tell you." She sighed in between.

"Where are you taking us?" He did not know why he was asking this. It didn't matter, the question came out of his mouth involuntarily.

"We are going to look for phoenixes." He did not know what that meant but he need not ask. As long as she was there, he didn't have to worry about anything. Eda embraced him protectively like a child. He was in his safe haven.

He was finally saved from the crash. 

[nuoyipeach]

Nothing Can Keep Us Apart (haerene)

April 28th, 2019

posting it here for @miracle-aiden , but I wrote this long ago so it's probably not that good😅 more newer haerene otw tho

ft. Bae Jinyoung

Donghae couldn't believe what she had just told him. He couldn't believe all those plans of their future he had prepared are going to waste. He couldn't believe how she was so easily going to leave him, and yet against her own will.

"Why baby?" he asked for the nth time holding her hands, trying not to cry seeing her tears. "Why? Why why why? You don't always have to listen to your father. Arranged marriage? Screw it! You're mine, remember. Only mine."

Joohyun could not help but burst into even more tears, being pulled into his chest as she gripped onto his shirt tight, arms around his torso and face snuggled into his chest. She hated her father for many things, but this was now on the top of her list.

"I don't want this Donghae. I never wanted any of this. But there's nothing I can do." she sobbed, and his hug only tightened around her.

"I can't think of letting you go to another man." Donghae mumbled, but audible for her to hear. "I can't even imagine it. The only other male I can think of you going out with is Jinyoung. That's it. I'm over protective and clingy I know. But it's because I love you so much."

Joohyun couldn't stop crying anymore. What he called over protective and clingy, she loved it. She always found it adorable how he looked out for her in public, and how he limited her contact with men. She never found it unfair or dominating, because he himself followed the same, limiting his contact with women. And Joohyun hated the average men, making Donghae special, and vice versa.

"Donghae... I'm sorry. I don't know anymore. It's for the stupid company, and the guy agreed because he benefits, and..."

Donghae placed a finger on her lips to stop her from further trying to explain. He knew how powerful her father was, but he hoped their three year long relationship was stronger. Sadly today, it wasn't. He looked at her face, completely wet from tears, and couldn't help it anymore as he started kissing every inch of it, even under her ears and on her neck and collar. Joohyun's hands locked themselves around his neck, knowing this was probably their last night together.

"Please Donghae, make this night special..."

He knew what she meant right away, and complied with her wish.

Joohyun couldn't sleep no matter how late it was, even in her favourite sleeping environment, that was under a blanket with his arms around her, her small body engulfed by his larger one feeling all of his body warmth on her own, and his slow breaths hitting the back of her neck. But she knew he wasn't asleep either because of how quiet the room was, unlike usual when his soft snores could be heard, one of her favourite things to listen to.

Slowly she shifted and turned around, pulling the blanket up a little to cover her chest, considering they were both naked, and faced him. "Donghae..." her soft call was enough for him to open his eyes, and his hand automatically carassed her face. Every touch, every feeling, every thing about him right now only made her even sadder, and tears soon pooled in her eyes, each wiped off by his thumb.

"Don't cry love. Please don't. It makes me even sadder." he choked, his voice breaking in between. Joohyun tried her best holding it in, and quickly moved closer into his embrace as they hugged each other again.

They enjoyed the quiet atmosphere, needing only each other's presence to live in peace. He sniffed her hair, while she traced her fingers on his arm. If they could they'd stay like this forever, never letting go.

But they had to, especially now when Donghae's phone rang. He sighed and kissed her forehead before reaching over her to the side table, surprised to see the caller. He turned the screen towards Joohyun, who squinted her eyes as surprised as he was, and motioned him to put it on speaker.

"Hey Jinyoung."

"Hyung! Is my sister with you!?!" the young boy asked in a seemingly worried voice.

"Yes, she's here."

"Oh thank God. I was scared when she didn't come back. I thought she... She killed herself."

"She's here Jinyoung don't worry. Remember, you'll never be alone again..."

"I am now..." he cut off Donghae with sudden sobs. "I'm alone again. Mum's gone, now noona's being sent off to some stupid forced marriage. Hyung, why is my father like this... In this case, I'd rather be dead. Right?"

"No you don't. You deserve to live. What if Joohyun needs your comfort? Wouldn't you feel bad for not being there for your own sister? Stay strong kid, you'll get through this."

A whimper was heard in reply, and the call was disconnected, and Joohyun giggled slightly at first, before tears pooled again.

"He loves you so much. Thank you Donghae."

He smiled back at her weakly. He knew how much her brother meant to her. He was ten years younger than her, making him only fifteen. That meant he was only seven when their mother died, and was left under the care of Joohyun. And when Donghae came, sure he was quite protective and jealous at first, but he now looked at him like a father figure, like he did with his sister, since getting any love from his father was far away.

Now hearing the boy's cries broke his heart almost as much as Joohyun did. He still didn't want to believe this was their last night together, and was now full of instant regret why he didn't propose sooner. But would it still have worked back then with her father? He was sure it wouldn't have.

"I'm going to miss you so much Joohyun, I might die from it."

"Donghae..." she cried again, and he pulled her closer cuddling her tight like his life depended on it.

Joohyun stood in front of the mirror hopelessly, in a white dress she had hoped to wear only for Donghae. But here she was, wearing it for some man she had no idea about, other than his face. She felt so terrible, so useless, so cheap, so disgusted, that she couldn't bear to look at herself in the mirror.

Jinyoung couldn't help feel just as bad for his sister, watching her from behind as she looked down, and he could see droplets of water fall on the hem of the long dress. He walked up behind her, and hugged her tight, head in her shoulder.

"Please don't cry noona. Please don't make me sad." he chanted like a child, hugging her tighter and hiding his eyes in her shoulder, trying to prevent his tears from spilling out. Joohyun couldn't help but let out audible cries now, turning around and hugging her brother back, causing him to cry just as much.

"Be a good boy... Promise me. Don't... Don't be like dad."

"I know... I'll be like hyung, Donghae hyung is the best." he said trying to smile.

She couldn't help cry even more at the mention of the name, having been unable to see him the past week after that night. But she knew it was for the best. She pulled out of the hug, and saw tears streaming down his face. She wiped them off and kissed his forehead, making him cry even more.

He loved her hugs, kisses, when she holds his hand, when she cooks for him, when she tutored him. He loved those moments when she came home from her dormitory, and he was the first to jump onto her even before their pet dog. When she introduced Donghae to him, and only him, he did feel jealous of the man for getting as much hugs and kisses as he did back then, but he knew how much she loved him. And he knew he himself was the most important male in her life if she was introducing her boyfriend to only him.

Joohyun now stood at the door with her father, keeping her hands to herself. The elder man noticed, and tugged her arm putting it around his. "I'm so proud of you." he said keeping his head high up, making her scoff. She didn't bother to even spare him a glance, keeping her face down all the time, even when walking to the altar. But she couldn't help feel sick in her stomach, and while the priest went on about the vows, Joohyun threw her bouquet onto the floor and ran off behind the hall to the washroom.

Jinyoung quickly followed behind, not bothered by the women only sign, and stood behind her as she threw up constantly. "Jinyoung... Get my bag... now!" she spoke in between gags, and he ran back out then in with her back pack. Joohyun took it and pushed him out of the toilet, locking it, but the boy didn't leave, standing in front if the door like a body guard. He fumbled his hands together, pacing around, when he received a message.

Hyung

Jinyoung, please take care of your sister and yourself. In about half an hour, I won't be around anymore. There's no point for me. And don't worry, I know my business is small, but I've left it to you. Be good and take good care.

Jinyoung's whole body system simply shut down as he somehow managed to understand what Donghae meant. At that moment the stall door opened, revealing Joohyun in a change of clothes, and a pale expression. He ran to her side, holding her hands tight.

"What's wrong noona? Are y..."

"We need to get out of here." she cut him off. "We need to leave, and find Donghae."

"Why?"

"I'm pregnant!" she exclaimed, and after seconds of processing, Jinyoung grinned a little, before he remembered the message.

"Noona we need to be fast. He's going to kill himself! Let's go!"

They first went into the back room to gather their things, then snuck out of the back into her car, putting their luggage into it. Good thing the wedding was in their own mansion hall, so getting all their belongings wasn't a problem. Jinyoung turned on the tracking in his phone, and found Donghae at the Han River bridge, and Joohyun was quick to start driving.

And it was only then when the people inside realised what was going on. A runaway bride. Jinyoung watched the guests come out of the hall, the groom in front creating a havoc, as they drove out of the land their father owned. She drove fast, but carefully, a smile spreading across her face as she thought of the small life inside her. The same smile now on Jinyoung's face as well. But they weren't there for long as the siblings soon reached the bridge, and recognised the black car from far. Joohyun quickly parked her's behind it, ran out and hugged the figure standing near the railings of the bridge, feeling his body freeze and tense up.

"Joohyun? What are you doing here?" he asked when suddenly engulfed in another hug from the front.

"Hyung please don't do this!"

"Jinyoung? Did you tell her?"

"Yes, but after she asked me to find you."

Confused, Donghae pushed the two off, and stood looking at both of them. "Find me why?" he asked Joohyun, who swiftly pulled something out of her pocket and showed it to him, making sure the test lines were visible. Donghae's eyes widened, shifting between the item and Joohyun's face.

"Seriously?" he asked, and she nodded, suddenly off the ground being spun around in the air. She laughed at his antics, and they pulled each other in for a kiss.

"Bleh." they pulled away and giggled at Jinyoung covering his eyes. "We have to go, remember. Dad's not going to let us off. What do we do?" he asked as Donghae put her down, then smirked mischievously.

"Give me your phone." he said taking Jinyoung's phone, and started to type away.

Dad, we've had enough. I hope you enjoy your burden-less life. You won't be seeing us anymore.

After sending the message, he took out the carrier card, and Joohyun's, then crushed and threw them into the river behind them. He took her car keys, moved all their bags into his car, and left the keys on top. He pulled the two into his car, and drove away to the nearest bank, and made Joohyun withdraw all her money, then break her card. Jinyoung had none, so they moved on to his house, and he sat them down to explain what he'd do next.

"We'll get you two new identities, change your surname, then we'll move."

"Where hyung?"

"Well, I actually moved my business to Sapporo, so we'll move there."

The siblings nodded, and instantly decided on a new surname, taking their mother's, Bae. Donghae took them to the government office, where they registered their new identities.

Bae Joohyun

Bae Jinyoung

Next he took Joohyun to a different floor, and she hugged him when she realised what they were doing. Registering their marriage. Once they finished, with Jinyoung as the witness, they drove back to his house.

Donghae booked quick flights to Sapporo, and by the next week, Jinyoung ran around carrying boxes in his hand, exploring his new house. Who would've thought that Donghae was apparently rich? Even if not to their father's extent, he was still amazed by his new home as he left the boxes and ran around the two story house, front yard, and big back yard that had a swimming pool as well.

Once their new house was finally made homely, Donghae went into his bedroom, smiling as he entered to see Joohyun putting up polaroid pictures of them on the wall. He crept behind her, and engulfed her into a hug, peppering kisses into the crook of her neck. Joohyun laughed feeling ticklish, until he stopped and turned her to him, her arms wrapping around his neck. He pecked her forehead, going down until her lips, then slowly bent down on his knees, his face in level with her tummy. He lifted her shirt, her hands layed on his shoulders, and kissed her tummy in several spots.

"If it wasn't for you," he whispered against her skin, "we would have both been gone by now." he hugged her tummy, leaning an ear against it. Joohyun felt so happy she couldn't contain her tears as her fingers combed through his hair.

Everything would finally be perfect.

[nightswithkookmin]

GOING ON A HIATUS

Thanks to everyone who's taken the time out to read my posts and has enjoyed it so far. It's really been fun and entertaining exchanging thoughts and having these much deeper ship discussions.

I thought this issue was gonna go away but I woke up this morning to more people messaging me about finding my last video analysis on several other platforms without appropriate credit.

But that's not disturbing. The disturbing part is the people sliding into people's DM'S on other platforms to get them to take down my video because they don't want people sharing my content on other platforms as they believe it would only make my blog popular.

For those worried about this whole credit business, thanks for showing this much concern for me? I really appreciate the love and concern if it's from a genuine place of concern. Thank you...

I think some of you already know this by now or might have figured it out, I am a law student, I am very much well aware what is and what isn't within my rights? Lol

I honestly didn't see this whole credit thingy as a big deal. It's not. Not to me. Lol. I repost people's photos without credit too all the time. Often, it's because I don't know who to credit and most time my lazy ass just forgets to. Lol. I think it's normal? It's inconsequential I mean.

The videos I use are usually often water marked by the appropriate owners so I don't go through the hustle of figuring this whole credit business out. If I should decide to come back here again I will check that habit of mine?

While this whole credit business is not a big deal to me, malicious slander and defamation to my character is and I don't take it lightly.

It has been brought to my attention that some Jikookers from Tumblr have since been sliding into people's DM's on other platforms asking them to take down my video and or remove the credit they give to my post.

They are telling people I am problematic, calling me the Taekook Lives of the Jikook community. That I have been spreading lies about Jikook, that the Jikook Tumblr community hates me or something like that and to further caricaturize me and make me appear more evil in order to get people to turn on me and hate me, they make up the most ridiculous lies about me claiming that I believe a notorious serial killer is innocent.

Now I have since deleted my YT account because I don't want my colleagues to find out I am into shipping too lol- shipping is a guilty pleasure of mine and I know how this fandom works unfortunately. I've been a silent part of it since 2014. I mean it's started already. The Doxing and shit.

The original post under which these replies are from couldn't save sadly as my account has been deleted but you can see from my notifications the general feel of what my interests outside shipping looks like.

I am interested in a myriad of topics, from literature, Aliens, writing, Harry Potter, history, activism, advocacy, philosophy, law, politics, NASA, and mystery and murder among other things.

My quora is mostly filled with notifications from my Book community and True crime community and often I do share my thoughts and answer questions with regards to the psychology of murderers, legal evidence, notorious villains in literature- well I guess now you know the kind of lawyer I want to be if and when I'm able to complete law school.

But what has my interest in these topics got to do with Jikook and shipping please?? How does this prove I hate Jikook and spread lies about them?

This Kookie Min Monsta person slipped into someone's DMS and asked the person who had put up my video analysis to take it down or discredit me because to her I am problematic. She is not the only one.

You want so bad to paint me black- no pun intended just to win an argument? You claim I am the evil malicious person here but I am not the one sliding into people's dms trying to take credit away from people for their hardwork, spreading hate and negative energy, making things up to manipulate people's perception of others and get them to hate and turn on them- and all because of A SHIP? Damn. This is pathetic.

Who died and made you the gatekeeper of the jikook shipping community? Honestly antics like these don't work on me try again.

I made a video commentary on my Booktube YT account- yes I am part of the book YouTube community as well sue me or better still slip into their inboxes and tell them I voted for Trump therefore I hate chipmunks.

The commentary I made on YT months ago was when I was in the highs of finding a new passion and it was on Ann Rule's book, The Stranger Besides Me- a true crime novel on Ted Bundy which I found so poorly written that at the end of the book it left with me wondering whether or not Ted Bundy was guilty at all!

The Author's writing style which deviates from most writing styles of True Crime novels I have read gave me trust issues as I stated in the video. It felt more as if she was writing a made up fictional novel than an actual True Crime novel but because she knew Ted Bundy in person she made it seem as if we just had to believe her account.

Then there was this whole thing about the police not being able to match the DNA samples taken from his rape victims, to his own Semen because his Semen was DNAless- in lay man's terms. I'll spare you the technicalities involved.

As I stated in that video, I do believe Ted Bundy was guilty but I do not have much faith in the Judicial system, or criminal procedures or even the Author of that book- a sentiment most people within the true crime community share as well. We just had differing views on whether the writer's style took away from the narrative and waters down on the extent of Bundy's guilt.

We had a Similar conversation about Chris Watt. If the community I was engaging in didn't have a problem with my commentary why do you? Please don't meddle in things you know nothing about. It's embarrassing.

The conversation about whether or not Ted Bundy is innocent is moot but a philosophical one. It has nothing to do with Ted Bundy's guilt but more so the criminal procedures involved in his case and the different accounts that exists surrounding his case.

He was electrocuted, he confessed to his crimes no damn person with brains would think or assume he is innocent and I never said anything of that nature drew any conclusions to that effect.

Besides, I moved on from Ted Bundy a long time ago. Now I am into the Serial Killer who writes death poems and signs it off with drawings of the size of his dick at his crime scenes- mind your own business please or don't and let's have an intellectual discourse about him? Lmho.

I am also into cat memes if you care to know and have a whole IG dedicated to cat memes. I believe human beings are the most dumbest species in all the galaxies and when the Aliens arrive I am snitching.

When my mind is at rest, I often wonder if Aliens have masculinity complex and if they do whether or not their masculinity is contingent on the size of their dicks or whether they have to engage in a battle to the death with an alien grizzly bear to determine who is the man.

I love BTS memes too- a little too much and often end up debating over the internet with random people over whether BTS memes are funnier than cat memes- I'm weird, true. But how does all of that make me a bad person?

It's crazy how these people can go on these other platforms to ask people to take down the credits to my posts as well as my posts itself but can't ask people who run to these other platforms with misinterpretations of my work to take those down.

Instead they come on here to call me out for people's interpretations of my work?? It doesn't work that way. You are the author of your own opinion and interpretation of other people's work. You don't call out the original author for someone's opinion of their work. If that were so I would be emailing Stephanie Meyer for Anna Todd and her After series. Get some education.

I have since blocked this person and others whose Tumblr I have been able to find thanks to all those that's helped me finding them on here.

My gf also tried reaching out to the persons who shared my post after we realised this was becoming an issue and had asked them to credit her or my blog- but honestly I don't care about that yet she won't give it a rest. Lol. My ride or die this one. Sigh.

However, we realized soon that this is not about 'stealing' credit- can't call someone out for not giving credit when I suck at that myself. Lol.

This is about people's malicious intentions and their attempts to silence me and take away my right to freedom of expression however way that they can. This is wrong and evil.

I honestly don't care for all these ship politics these people are engaged in. I've had enough intelligent conversations to know the distinction between arguments that flows from bruised egos and actual conversations around a subject matter.

This whole I am right, she is wrong politics... y'all get that the point of having an opinion is not to be right, right? We all cant have the same perspective and you can't call someone a liar for holding views that is different from yours. That is a bizarre mentality to have.

As I stated in my post, that content I made was a rebuttal to the Taekook theories running around on the internet alleging JK glared at Tae when he pulled on his shoulder because he was jealous Tae and Jin were having fun behind him. He wasn't. He was worried Tae was gonna expose him and JM holding hands behind Suga.

If you don't think they were holding hands then Taekookers were right and his reaction was because he was Jealous of Taejin I guess...

But thats your truth. That's not my truth. I don't believe Taekook is real. JK isn't jealous of Taejin he is not Twelve- but then again he was sneaking around behind Suga holding his boyfriend's hands so I guess he is twelve? Lol. Jikook!

Do you.

But please stop the evil malicious attacks and seek immediate help. There is such a thing as right and wrong and this is just plain wrong. Your Karma and chakra are in the negative nodes and you need to fix it. It is not funny anymore.

Thank you to everyone who has shown genuine concerns for me in the past few days and thank you so much for trying to stand up for me. There are good people on here and I have met and interacted with a lot of them and thank you so much for such a wonderful experience and insightful discussions.

I don't hate people because of our differences in thoughts, beliefs, opinions. There's always room for dissenting opinions in every sphere. At the very least, we can agree to disagree and shake on it. But You can't make up shit about people just to prove your opinion is right and their opinions and views which differ from yours are 'wrong.

I am not a victim though, and they are not bullies, psst. They are just vile pathetic human beings exposing the greens of their insides. What you do says more about who you are as a person and human being. And this is who they are.

Just be a nice decent human being. That's what this world needs. Fix whatever is broken inside of you and free your mind and spirit. Hate is never the answer.

I'm going to be away for a while because I have studies, work and other interests I want to pursue at the moment- it's just my AADD flaring up so if you see me henceforth raving about Nana at least you'd know why. Lol. She's wrecking my Jimin bias. Lmho.

Spread positivity, do the right thing, stand up for a good cause and keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Until we meet again.

Signed,

GOLDY

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 9/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Sorry for taking so long to upload! I've had a hard week but everything is fine. Here we are - the end! Wanna know something interesting? There was actually going to be more to this story. Like, we were gonna get more flashbacks from when Brie and Juju went to college. There they would meet Tatianna, who was a badass feminist. And she'd be the one to help Brianna with her glow up. But the story was already going on too long and I couldn't fit any of it in.

Also I was going to go down a completely different route for the story. If any of you have actually seen the music video for Gimme Love by Joji, it ends on a more darker tone. And that's how I was gonna do it with this fic as it was based on it. But I just couldn't do it.

So I hoped you guys enjoyed it. I know I didn't get a lot of reads on it, but I'm glad knowing it was recieved by some. Anyway, on with chapter 9!

Major TW's for this chapter: Alcohol, mental health discussion.

2020

It was the day of the pre-party. It was going to be held at my place. I was prepared for possible drunkenness, embarrassing moments, but celebrations of everything we had accomplished. This was something I had worked my ass towards for so long, and it was finally happening.

I smiled, proud that I had finally punched myself in the face (figuratively, of course). I opened my eyes and saw how easy it was to rekindle with Mom. I was scared about seeing her in a few weeks, knowing we'd have to talk about my issues. But I knew now. If I didn't, I would just continue to get worse and worse.

On top of that, the Ed Sheeran problem was over and done with. His team understood fully, and he was set to perform at the launch.

And finally, I would meet Blair again. And it would be different this time. I wouldn't be the shy, insecure teenager she had always seen me as.

However, despite all these promising signs, my smile dropped. I imagined this morning playing out entirely differently.

Jujubee would be the first person to message me. Fuck, she'd probably even break in just to make sure I was up.

None of that happened. I know one should manage their expectations better. But it still hurt.

After two cups of coffee, some soggy cereal and a shower, I tried calling her. It rang a few times but went straight to voicemail mail.

I didn't bother leaving another message. I didn't wanna freak her out.

I probably wasn't helping my case. She probably thought I was relying on her, that she was life support for me.

But that wasn't the case. I mean, I couldn't just stand up and be like, "OK later, bitch," after practically growing up together. How could I just let go of someone I held so dear to my heart?

My eyes travelled across the kitchen, at first only her disappointment during our argument, how I had never seen her so angry.

On the counter, beside the fridge, there was my memory box.

What would Grandpa say in this situation?

Remember how I would write things he'd say to me? Just little bits and pieces of advice as something I could hold on to? I gave it to Mom to put it away for me. It had to be in the box.

I stood up, the stool making a scraping sound along the ground.

But a knock at the door tore my attention away.

Why did I hope it would be her?

Well, because it wasn't out of the ordinary for her to come and visit in the morning. Maybe this was it. I was forgiven.

I rushed to the door with the slight fear that if I wasn't fast enough, I'd miss her.

I unlocked the door and flung it open, a smile on my face, ready to greet her.

5 people were standing there; the decorators. I tried not to let my smile falter as I let them in.

-_-_-_-

8PM and my place had never looked livelier. For my first time hosting a party, it didn't feel like there was much hosting to do.

It felt like any other party I had been to, a room crowded with people dancing or talking to each other.

The music wasn't too loud, so the disorientation wasn't there.

I held back from drinking with the fear of doing something embarrassing, especially around Blair.

My bathroom was still clean when I went to apply a fresh coat of gloss. Good. Nothing to worry about.

I made my way back downstairs to the party, crossing the barrier at the bottom. The only place off-limits to the guests was upstairs. I'd hate to think there would be some people who'd want private time, especially in my bed. It happened at college once.

After a small party in our dorm, I found a couple midst coitus in my bed. Never again, I had said.

"Brianna!"

My head whipped in the direction of the voice, every bit of hope I had inside building up.

"You look stunning." A raven-haired woman approached.

"Thank you," I said in more of a questionable form. My brain couldn't figure out who this was.

"My name is Raja. I'm a writer for Cosmo," that explained it, "I was wondering if I could ask a few questions for a piece I'm doing. It's on the most influential women of the year."

I wanted to say no in the case I missed the arrival of Blair.

As if she read my thoughts, she spoke again. "It won't even be five minutes."

She was right about that. 15 minutes it lasted. We were locked in my bathroom, the four walls making the place feel cramped.

She asked me questions about how I reached this level, my morning routine, and what I put in my hair to make it so voluptuous. And all the while, I just kept fearing that Blair had arrived. That she had searched around for me and left when she couldn't find me anywhere. I would discreetly glance at my watch, hoping too much time didn't pass. But around 5 minutes in, I didn't care for subtlety. Not that Raja noticed. The questions seemed endless.

When she turned her recorder off, she further complimented my outfit. I thanked her, inching my way to the door. This lasted another 3 minutes.

She said I was a tiny woman with a lot of heart. I held back from saying I was a tiny woman with a lot of baggage.

When I finally escaped, I searched the place for Blair, and when I didn't find her, the panic started.

"Did anyone come in in the last 15 minutes??" I asked the workers hanging by the door.

"Yeah, there were 2 people. And I've never seen them around work. Could be anyone, Brie." They said with worry in their tone.

"OK, was one of them a girl? Blonde hair. Around my age?" I questioned further.

They glanced at each other for clarification, then looked back at me and shook their heads.

"Nope. Just two guys." One said.

"Probably on a pussy hunt at their local party." The other said.

"Or dick hunt."

"Or both."

"Nah, how would they even get in?"

Realising this was not Blair they were talking about, I thanked them and excused myself.

So she wasn't here yet. That's fine. Probably just running late.

I gave in and had one glass of champagne. Just to calm my nerves.

And the last person I wanted to see started to approach.

Ed fucking Sheeran. He raised a glass to celebrate and thanked me for the hotel room we paid for. I said it was no problem. And just as he was about to suggest some pictures for his Instagram, I quickly navigated away.

But I was caught by another person who just so happened to be Joey.

"I am so glad you changed your mind about the whole Ed thing. Like...girl…" he sipped his own drink.

"Yeah, it was easier than I thought." I shrugged. "Kinda feel awkward being in his presence now, though."

"I'll distract him if you want. British guys are kinda cute." Joey smirked.

I tsked, cocking my head at him. "Joey, you didn't like the guy a few weeks ago."

"I never said I didn't like him." He smirked.

"I mean, you can try." I rolled my eyes, a small smile appearing on my own face, "don't expect it to go anywhere."

Joey winked and brushed past me, making his way in Ed's direction.

Setting my glass down in my sink, I made my way to the bathroom just to check my lip gloss. A woman couldn't be too careful.

Once inside, I felt cramped again despite being alone. Maybe it was the underlying feeling of worry from being trapped in the room with Raja.

I told myself to breathe but then questioned why I was even doing such an exercise. Everything was fine. Life was good.

Looking in the mirror, my gloss was fine. But I applied a new coat anyway, just a reassurance.

And upon leaving, I set out in search of Blair again. She had to be here, just somewhere lost amongst this large amount of people.

Maybe she found someone else to talk to. Maybe not.

I moved to the balcony, the cool night air a relief.

But she wasn't there either.

I sighed, wanting a cigarette or something. Anything to calm the rising panic I was feeling inside.

I closed the door and moved further into the night, peering over the balcony and out into New York. The twinkling lights were pretty. I took a picture and sent it to my Mom. And in a few seconds, she started calling me.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hi, baby. I just thought I'd see how things are going." She asks, sounding pretty optimistic.

"I mean... it's OK, I guess. A bit crowded at my place right now." I replied.

"You nervous for tomorrow?" I hear the mischief in her voice.

She believed I'm not nervous, that I was a confident, strong woman. But she was wrong. "Of course I am. I mean, we've gone through all the precautions, so it should be fine. But still…"

"Well, baby, I promise you, everything will work out fine. It's you we're talking about."

I smiled, trying to teach my brain to agree with her.

"I would say I'd have a drink for you, but I'm trying to keep away from it tonight." Even though that was a lie.

"Yeah, you don't wanna go do something embarrassing like flashing anyone or whatever." She laughs.

"Wow. I didn't realise that was something I did." I quipped sarcastically.

"How about Jujubee?" I could still hear her smile.

But mine slowly dropped. Fuck, I had no idea. Immediately I stood back from the balcony. "Ugh...yeah, she's fine. She's good."

I moved to the door and looked past the glass at the large number of people. Fuck, I didn't even know if she was inside.

"Am I gonna get to see a picture of your outfits? You two always look like the stars of a party."

"Yeah," I faked a small laugh. "I'll go find her and get a picture. I'm gonna get back inside, OK?"

"No problem, baby. Love you."

"I love you too." I clicked end call and quickly made my way back inside.

How the fuck had I forgotten about her so quickly? Not like she was in my mind that morning or anything.

Now I had to find 2 people. I rushed inside, looking out for both of them. I checked the kitchen, dining area, lounge, the bathroom. Fuck, I even checked upstairs in the case Jujubee was there.

But there was no sign.

Where the fuck was she? Where was Blair?

It was getting harder to hold down the anxiety. Was Jujubee right about Blair? Was this another instance of my childhood crush getting my hopes up and flaking out?

The next drink tray I saw, my hand went straight for another glass. Two wouldn't hurt.

"Hey, you made it!" I heard from the front of the room, by the door.

I quickly downed the champagne and practically ran for it, too afraid to miss who had arrived.

Just as my hopes were quickly up, they fell just as fast. It was just Alex, Joey hugging him at the door.

"Fuck...Fuck...Fuck…" I whispered to myself.

A third glass of champagne found its way into my hand, and in a matter of seconds, it was down the hatch. I grimaced at the taste now, feeling like I could throw up at any second. Was that all just the anxiety, though?

Another bathroom break, I was fixing my gloss once again, scared to ruin my makeup. My hands were trembling. Fuck.

It wasn't stopping.

Back out in the main room, I tried to scan the crowd, standing on my tiptoes to try and see past everyone. It didn't help much.

Despite the music and rambling chatter happening around me, I heard the front door open, my eyes shot in its direction.

I struggled to move past a small group of coworkers, trying to get a good view of the door.

I didn't even get my hopes up this time. And, of course, it wasn't Blair.

Jujubee was right. Blair wasn't coming. Once again, she had led me on to believe I did mean something to her and that she'd give us a chance.

My hand gripped my scalp, turning away from the door. I growled, "Fuck," which didn't go unnoticed.

There was Nina with a hand on my arm. "Are you OK?"

"Yes." I lied so quickly. "I'm fine. Just... it's a little crowded in here," I fidgeted with my hands, "Is Jujubee here?"

"Yeah, you haven't seen her?" Nina raised a brow, rubbing her hand up and down my bicep.

"No." My eyes looked around briefly. "Where is she??"

"I dunno. She's you're best friend." Nina squinted her eyes. She didn't mean to sound accusatory. I guessed she was more concerned.

"She is." I reaffirmed, even though now I wasn't so sure.

"If it helps, the last place I saw her was the kitchen."

"When?"

"Half an hour ago."

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "She could be anywhere."

"Girl, it's fine. Not like we're in a labyrinth. You'll find her eventually." Nina smiled, rubbing my arm again.

I paid her no more heed and hurried towards the kitchen in the hope I'd find her there. But like the rest of my apartment, it was crowded. I stood on my toes again to try and catch a glimpse of black hair.

But there was no sign. Stressed, a shaking hand reached for another champagne. Usually, my tolerance for alcohol was high, but right now, I was feeling it. I was wavy.

In my now weary state of mind, I decided what was the fucking point? Blair had 100% flaked, as per usual, and Jujubee was obviously avoiding me at all costs.

Nina had followed me, taking my hand. "Follow me."

I didn't fight it. She moved to the staircase, pulled back the barrier and let me pass through.

She ushered me to walk up to the top before moving no further.

Turning towards the crowd beneath us, Nina addressed the people with a raised tone. "Can we have your attention, please?"

The people went quiet, beaming up at us.

Nina talked about how much of a good night it was, all while the alcohol was taking me over.

My eyes scanned the crowd, in the final chance of hope, wanting nothing more than to see Jujubee's glowing smile shining up at me.

But I couldn't. Not because I had double vision. But because she was nowhere.

I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing hard out through my nose.

Nina put her hand on my shoulder. And only then did I realise that I had blacked out, missing everything she said. I blinked a few times, trying to clear the film that had glazed my brown eyes.

"But we all wouldn't be here without our leading lady." She smiled warmly. "Everything she's achieved, it's all brought us to this moment. Let's raise a glass to Miss Brianna Caldwell."

Everyone started cheering, only a few raising a toast, the others clapping. My eyes widened, feeling all those eyes on me.

"Hope you have a speech prepared," Nina whispered in my ear.

And me, being the queen of saying just 3 lines and quickly evacuating the scene, decided no. Fuck it. I had something to say.

When the crowd began to settle down, I began to deliver the messiest speech ever.

"Well, funny you should mention achievements, Nina, because, yeah, I'm standing here before you all, having done the impossible. But what does that matter?" I laughed, shrugging. "Yeah, it does matter a whole fucking deal. I mean, look at you all. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't?" I laughed awkwardly again, but as I continued, my smile began to disappear. "Well, sometimes you just want a certain someone to give a shit. And they make you believe that they do. Just for like 5 minutes. And it feels so so fucking incredible. It feels like...like you matter. You're not just plain old Brianna Caldwell. You mean the world to them…" My tone dropped, "And then...you realise you're the most gullible, unaware, stupid fucking idiot in the world. They don't really give a fuck about you. They don't see all the things that you've achieved in life and think…' Wow...What an incredible person.' They just... don't give a fuck about you."

Everybody looked confused, uneasy even, while others giggled. Glad to know I was serving as the entertainment for the night, and I was in the same room as Ed fucking Sheeran.

Then, as if some higher power looked at me with a shaking head, maybe my grandpa, there was a glimmer of light at the back of the room, a flash of movement. And my eyes were drawn to the source.

My heart stopped

There she was. Finally. Blair St. Clair smiling apologetically at the few people who were looking at her. They smiled back as they should. She was breathtaking.

And her eyes moved to where everyone else was looking.

Right at me.

Such a familiar feeling was falling over me.

Everyone else in the room. Gone. Like they just stepped into another world, leaving the two of us in this reality.

She panted, out a breath, like she had run to my place. Impossible, she looked like an absolute angel in her gold wrap dress.

Nina nudged me. I snapped out of my daze, reminded of the whole crowd of people looking up at me with confused stares.

Fuck...what do I say now? How do I backtrack?

"But...you know what?" I started to speak again. "You realise, you're just overthinking again. 'Cause, that's a very on-brand thing for you. Every little incident of the past has taught you to doubt that good things actually can happen to you." My smile was returning. "Because the people who give a shit are there. Because you've done the impossible. And they couldn't be happier to be part of your story." My eyes were moving through the crowd, "Do what makes the ones around you proud, and what makes you fucking proud. And don't let anyone or anything hold you the fuck back. Because you have a purpose."

Thank fuck for the fact everyone started cheering again. I thought I had fucking bombed that I would see a recording of the same speech the following day all over Twitter, along with comments about how dramatic it was.

But it was fine. I saved it. I smiled at everyone and hugged Nina, suddenly overcome with happiness.

"Fuck you for not telling me you were gonna drag me up here," I whispered in her ear.

"Well, if I had asked you in the first place, you would have said no, honey." Nina grinned.

We pulled apart, and my eyes went back to the front door. I smiled, expecting to see Blair. But she had vanished. Fuck, I hadn't imagined her, right?

I tried to carefully make my way down the stairs without tripping, ready to look for her once again.

And upon reaching the bottom, Joey grabbed my hand and pulled me close, "someone on the balcony requires your attention."

He winked, and the butterflies in my belly went mad.

She was playing games with me. Not a very Blair St Clair thing to do, but the thought excited me.

I hurried to the balcony, ready to feel that cool air on my skin, her warm body pressed against mine.

And just as I was passing through the doors, feeling the cooling breeze, I stopped dead in my tracks.

I froze.

This wasn't what I expected; seeing her standing there, only noticing how radiant she looked in her orange suit dress.

Fuck. It felt so long since I had last seen her.

But it had been only a few days.

"Hi, Juju," I spoke quietly.

"Hey," she inhaled her cigarette, looking out to the city. If she hadn't replied to me, I would have guessed she failed to realise I was even there.

I swallowed, my eyes glancing down to the ground for a moment. The alcohol in my system was telling me to just turn and leave her alone. She didn't wanna see me.

But my brain said, "you idiot, she obviously invited you out here."

So I moved forward, rubbing the backs of my arms nervously.

I stood beside her, not even daring to look her in the eye. I looked at her orange suit, how Mom would have adored it.

"You invited me out here." I leaned my elbows on the ledge, my gaze following hers over the twinkling lights of New York.

"Yeah, I did." She did offer me a cigarette, but still, she never looked at me.

I shook my head, declining her offer, "Why didn't you just come and ask me yourself?"

"I was dying for a cigarette." She breathed out a stream of smoke. "Also, I've already spent most of the night trying to find you."

I couldn't help but breathe out a laugh through my nose. I glanced at her and was glad to see the smirk appear on those lips.

"I've been trying to fucking find you." I continued to laugh, a crack to my tone, however.

She finally looked at me, turning her body to face me. Her brows were knit together, yet the smirk remained. "No. I," she stressed, "have been trying to find you."

"So...what have I been doing for the past...I dunno, few hours?" I raised a brow. "Did I take 10 hits of acid earlier, or did I not search this place from top to bottom?"

She gave me a hopeless smile like she knew there was no point in arguing. She sucked on the cigarette, offering it to me.

I gave in, taking it from her hand, my fingers touching hers with a light touch. Her eyes moved to our hands as if she was thinking about it too. The feeling like this was a moment we needed to remember.

I took a drag on the cigarette, passing it back. She looked away, briefly turning her gaze to the ground.

But I kept my eyes on her like I'd never get another chance. "I really miss you, Juju," I spoke quietly, almost through a whisper.

She looked at me again. Her mouth moved around slightly yet remained closed like she wanted to say something. But she couldn't figure out what it was she was going to say.

I reached out, took her hand in mine. She seemed taken aback at first. But as my thumb stroked against the soft skin of her hand, a small smile began to resurface.

"There are…" she paused, "things that I would love to say to you. But I just... I'm afraid."

"Is it bad? Come on, Juju. You can tell me. You can tell me anything. I mean, we've grown up together. We've always told each other everything."

She looked apprehensive before taking another drag from her cigarette. And stubbing it out in the ashtray, she turned towards me once again.

She looked ready to say it. Whatever it was. I didn't even know the words yet. But I could tell this would mean a lot to her.

The muffled sound of the many people behind the closed glass doors became clearer, amplified even. Jujubee looked in its direction. My eyes followed.

"Blair," I uttered.

She looked slightly taken aback like she didn't know how to react to seeing us.

Jujubee dropped her hand to her side, a small puff of air leaving her nostrils.

"Jujubee." A smile appeared on Blair's face as she finally approached us both. "I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Likewise." Jujubee nodded slowly. She glanced at me, and I reciprocated.

Before I could figure out her exact emotion. But now, she was hard to read once again. My brows knit together, telepathically questioning what she was feeling.

Jujubee looked back at Blair. "Talk about awful timing though, I was just leaving." Jujubee smiled back at her.

Blair's smile was disappearing. "Oh." She paused, unable to say anything else.

"You don't have to go, Jujubee." I took her hand once again, stroking my thumb over her skin another time, just to remind her of the tender moment we were just having.

She smiled again, but only now, I knew the true words behind it. She pulled her hand away. "Early rise, actually. Gotta get up and ready for the big day tomorrow, right?" She raised her brows at me. Then she looked at Blair, "It was nice seeing you," and then back to me once more, "I hope you have a good night, Brie."

She averted her eyes, not even sparing me another glance. The clacking of her heels was deafening, each step away causing something inside to sting.

"It was nice seeing you again," Blair said before Jujubee could make it through the doors.

I heard a mumbled "yeah, yeah," before Jujubee went back inside.

My gaze still followed her, watching as she navigated the crowd.

"Did she...seem off to you?" Blair asked quietly.

"Yeah," I said without thinking. "I just...I don't know what's wrong with her...I can't...work it out…" my eyes never left the door, hoping Jujubee would reappear.

And feeling Blair's soft hand in mine, I was brought back to reality. I looked at her, seeing the concern in her eyes. Fuck, what a great way to reunite.

"Is something going on?" She asked softly.

I shook my head frantically, "N-No. We're fine...I guess I'm just overreacting. Yeah, she's just been...really busy with everything."

"That's probably true." She shrugged, glancing at the door, "Well, actually, I haven't seen what goes behind the public eye, but I bet it's taxing." Blair was facing me again, her eyes widening briefly.

I let out a small laugh, "Oh, you have no idea." And only then did I get a real chance to take her in. The girl had not changed. Well, call me corny, but she only got more radiant looking.

"I didn't think you'd come," I spoke with a hushed tone.

"Sorry, I was late. I couldn't get a cab for ages." She gave a half-smile. "I guess New York really is that kind of place."

"Fuck, I didn't think about traffic. I could have got you a driver or something. "I started rambling.

"No, it's OK. I'm here now anyway." Her eyes looked me up and down, "you look great, by the way. Pink always was your colour."

Funny how the last time she gave me a compliment, I shut her down. But now, I couldn't bring myself to do so. "Thank you."

I wasn't expecting her to hug me, but she did. It was very welcoming. If I could rate it out of 10, I'd give it a 9. Why the missing point? Cause she pulled away too soon. I needed that time, just to soak up the moment.

My arm was still around her waist when she put a hand to my face.

"It's so good to see you." She beamed, the city lights reflected in her eyes.

"You wanna go upstairs? We'll hear better up there. And it's kinda chilly out here." I hoped she didn't find that creepy or like I was suggesting something because that was not my intention, believe it or not.

I almost jumped, the sound of her sweet voice dragging me out of the storm that was my inner ramblings. "What about your party?" She looked over her shoulder at all the guests behind the closed doors."

"They'll be fine," I said too quickly.

"Oh. Well, if you say so."

She didn't find that weird. Good. I finally pulled my arm from her body but took her hand instead, leading her into the apartment.

I ignored the side glances we received, too focused on her presence behind me. Still so in disbelief that for once, she hadn't flaked out. She really did give a fuck. Walking up the stairs, I only noticed how my vision had cleared. I no longer felt drunk. Had it just been a quick rush of nausea that left me feeling so weary before? Or had the shock of seeing Blair literally walk into my life again shocked me so much to the point it sobered me up?

"Here we go," I said quietly, welcoming her into the upper level.

"Wow, you got another living room up here." Blair's wandering eyes landed on the couch.

"Yeah. The one downstairs is for fucking business and parties. And this one," I gestured to where she was looking, "is for hanging out mostly, and…" Why did I have to be so nervous?

"Hookups?" She looked at me with raised brows and a smirk.

I laughed nervously, moving to the fake fireplace and turning it on. Why didn't I just say no? She probably thought I was a slut or something. "Sit down if you want. Do you want a drink? I'd love a fucking drink right now."

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though." She replied, sitting down on the sofa and relishing the feeling of it.

"I need some fucking water." I rushed to the mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle.

Turning back to face Blair, she was looking at me in confusion. "You OK?"

"What?" That was all I thought to reply with.

"You seem kind of…" she paused, trying to figure out her words, "on edge."

"I do?" My hands played with the water bottle.

"Yeah, you've included the word 'fucking' in every sentence since we got up here." She allowed herself to smirk.

Subliminal, Blair. I like it.

Fuck, I dragged my mind out of the gutter and practically rushed to the couch. "Oh, it's just...tomorrow. The nerves, you know." I sat on the other end of the sofa, took a gulp of water and made myself comfortable.

Blair turned to face her body towards me. "Am I wrong, or was Ed Sheeran downstairs??"

"Yeah, he was. It's kind of a long story, actually." I laughed. "You a fan?"

"No, not really," Blair replied.

"Good, me neither. Not really into the whole wedding dance song vibe."

"Me too." She groaned, "If I hear Thinking out loud at another wedding, girl, I'm just...I dunno."

"I get it. 100%"

"Well, enough about him," Blair sat up straight, a bright smile on her face. She laughed for a moment before even speaking, "Fuck, I was just about to ask what you've been up to." She gestured a hand around the room, "I mean, duh."

"Yeah," I returned the laugh, "It's pretty much just that. This project has taken up most of my life over the years."

"God, I remember reading in the paper...fuck, I can't remember the exact title. It was this tiny article just squashed into a corner. 'Scientist seeks to prove the existence of other realities.' Yeah, it was something like that. And…" She shrugged, "I just knew it was you. And, I knew you'd go far."

I felt the blush creep onto my skin. Hearing this from Blair felt otherworldly.

"I mean, I knew before. When you told me at Prom, I knew you'd be able to do it." She added.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Just hearing how you talked about it. Like, you really believed in yourself. It made me believe too." She swapped around the legs she crossed.

"It was hard. Trying to get people on board with everything. Not a lot of people believed it was even possible in the beginning." I unscrewed the cap from the bottle of water. "And now look at me; I got the government behind this whole thing." I shrugged and took a sip of the water. Before she could go on, I took the conversation on another route. "But what about you? Where are you in life?"

I knew where she was in life. Hadn't I Facebook stalked her not too long before?

"Well, it sounds far fetched, but I'm trying to get into the music scene." Blair sat back in her seat, eyes wandering off, looking at nothing in particular.

"You always did like performing," I noted. "Starting out in the school playgrounds. Soon you'll be playing an Arena with a sold-out show."

Did I sound cheesy? Was I too much of a kiss ass? Because to me, this was honesty. I always thought Blair had the potential to be a famous singer. She had the voice, the looks, style and personality. Who wouldn't want her as part of their label?

Fuck, it only hit me that I could have gotten her a spot to perform at the event.

Blair had stood, a small sigh emitting her lips. "An Arena? Imagine that." She smirked for a moment, stepping away from the couch. For a hot second, I thought I had stepped on territory I shouldn't have, and she was leaving. But she made her way to the window, staring out over New York. So I naturally went too. "Well, I've just been singing around bars for a while now, even had 2 gigs. Nothing too amazing." She explained. "I mean, I know you say Arena and all, but, actually, I wouldn't wanna be that big. I just...want people to hear my music."

Her smile faltered somewhat, and it spoke volumes. It wasn't happening fast enough for her, the growing number of ears that would someday listen to her words. She wanted it all now.

I sidestepped a bit closer. My fingers were so close to brushing against hers, then stopping myself in realising that was too much. "It does take time, these things. I mean, I didn't get here overnight. It will happen, Blair." She flashed me a gracious smile, and I was glad she didn't find any of that condescending. That was not my aim. "Anyway, I'd love to hear your music."

"You would?" Blair cocked her head to the side, turning more to face me, her hand on the window cill closer to mine.

"Of course," I reply. She should've known that anyway.

"Well, I'm not gonna break out into song for you right now. But I have a few videos on my Facebook. You should add me." She suggested.

I had never opened Facebook so fast. "There. I sent you a request." I scrolled through her timeline, my back now to the window, "Lemme see."

"Oh, God. Please don't. Not right now." Blair panicked.

I lifted my gaze, my eyes almost wide. Blair St Clair, the girl who wasn't hesitant to approach a mic, was embarrassed. I found this to be adorable and oddly made me feel more relaxed. "Don't be shy, Blair. I'm sure they're great."

"Brianna, don't." No joke, Blair attempted to snatch my phone away like a child.

I found it highly amusing. "Why not?" I smiled mischievously.

Blair continued her protests, trying to swipe at the phone more and more, all while laughing nervously.

Eventually, my teasing led to a chase. I still scrolled her Facebook as I ran around the room, Blair behind me.

"Which one should I look out for?" I stood at one end of the couch.

Blair stood at the other end, letting out a pant. "Brianna, you better not."

I stepped to the right, throwing her off, and she ran to her left, ready to run straight at me and take the phone out of my hand.

But I tricked her. When I took that step to the right, I pulled back and moved to the left instead. And without thinking, I threw myself down on my bed.

Before I could even get up, Blair was already there, too, crawling towards me. She reached for my phone, still pleading with me to stop.

And finally, giving the current circumstances, I gave in. "OK, OK. You win. I won't play your music in front of you." I giggled mischievously, shuffling so my back was against my headboard. "You're gonna have to remind me to check it out, though."

Blair remained at the bottom of my bed, kicking her heels off and folding them like a pretzel. It was as if we were teenagers again, catching up on all the hanging out we never got to do. She fluffed out her hair, "God, Brie, I came here to have a good time. Not to work out. Why are you still looking at your phone?"

Now that I was on her profile, scrolling back to the top, I saw a familiar picture. "Wow, this George guy's kind of cute."

Blair smiled warmly, her eyes looking upwards. And I had the slightest sinking feeling she was about to tell me this was her fucking lover or husband.

"Ah...George. What a guy." Blair blinked. "He does music too. If you like my stuff, then you'll like his too. He's got this song Gimme Love. It's my favourite."

"Is he your boyfriend?" There was no hesitation in asking.

Her brows briefly crossed. "What? No. He's one of my closest friends. Really helping me find places to perform. He's just...really cool."

I mouthed a silent 'Oh' before going on and cocking my head to the side, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Was it normal to ask shit like this? Maybe it was. But considering I had confessed to her I liked her very much in that accidental message, perhaps I shouldn't have said it at all. Didn't want her getting sus.

I got the feeling she knew I was trying to find a way in as she raised a brow at me, the corners of her mouth turning upwards. "Nah, Brie. I'm done with boys."

I lowered my phone. That could have meant anything;

She was strictly into girls;

She had just gotten out of a bad relationship with someone, and she was going through that typical 'men are trash' phase;

She used the term 'boys' when referring to immature fuck boys who still thrived in toilet paper bombing people's houses and still fought with feminists online. She was now looking for 'a real man' who would love and respect her.

She wasn't speaking, just lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Before the silence could go on and get awkward, I shifted in my own spot. "Do you wanna elaborate on that?"

"Oh. Yeah, if you want to hear it." She said like she didn't want to, and before I could stop her, she went on, "Well, the last was Conrad. He cheated on me. Before him, there was Ethan. I found out he'd talk shit about me to all his meathead buddies, said that my ass wasn't big enough. Then Bryce with his superior attitude. And…" she sighed, "Fucking Trevor."

Just hearing his name did something to me. I could feel how my shoulders had tensed, how the breath got stuck in my throat for a moment. But my ability to talk was unaffected because I spoke up, "I remember you saying he was controlling." I moved away from my headboard, shuffling closer to her, so close she could have put her head in my lap if she wanted.

Blair nodded, "he was," she breathed out a sigh, "I can't believe I'm even admitting this, but after high school, I started seeing him again. He promised me he would change, that things would be different. And I always feel like such an idiot for believing him."

That was upsetting. My hand squeezed in a fist. "So, what was the final straw? The thing that made you end things for the last time?"

Blair took in a deep breath, rolling over onto her front and propping her head upon her hands. She looked up at me with sad eyes. "He was just the same, Brie. Always controlling me, telling me how to act, who I could and couldn't hang out with. He was like that from the beginning to the end. I mean, you remember how he reacted about that one sex-ed class? And that time, he yelled at me in front of everyone for not sitting with him at lunch one day?"

I had no idea about the last thing. And I wasn't even surprised. Trevor was that type of guy, and you just knew it within the first few minutes of meeting him.

I was curious to know, but I kind of already had a feeling. Yet, I needed clarification. "Is that why you never came back to the library? Because he knew people would talk if you were seen with the school loser?" She leaned up now, but I continued. "Is it why you never came to speak to me about the prom?"

Blair was just watching me in silence. But I could see it, the realisation in her face.

"Fuck." She sat up and moved closer to me. "Oh my gosh, Brianna. I am so sorry. I had...no idea it would hurt you." We were both face to face, and she put her hands on mine, her eyes apologetic. She cussed, briefly looking away. "Fuck, I knew you hated me. The years of silence, of course, you did."

"Wait, no. Stop. I'm sorry. I don't wanna make you feel like a bad person. That's not what I wanted to do." I said profusely, my hands tightening just slightly.

"No, no. I'm sorry. You have every right to be upset." She spoke quietly, her blue eyes pleading with me. "Just be honest with me. I owe you that. You deserve to be heard."

"Really, Blair, it's fine. It's - -"

"Brianna. You're upset. You're not really good at hiding it, no offence." She smirked at the last comment. But the smile disappeared, and she waited for my response.

I stared back at her, my gaze shifting between both those eyes. My mind debated what to do, refuse to say a thing and let it all continue to build up. Or vent years of pent up emotions that needed to be said.

I looked away, deciding the latter decision was probably the best. I really didn't want to, what with the risk of upsetting her.

But maybe she wouldn't.

But maybe she would.

But maybe…

Her hand left mine and swept a strand of hair away from my face. I didn't even know it was there. "You're really hurt, Brie," she spoke softly.

I looked back to her finally, her hand lowering back down. And I finally found my voice. "OK." I shifted in my spot, highly uncomfortable. Come on, Brie. Just tell her.

"Do you remember the prom? When you asked me how we never talked more?" Just say it. "Because I always felt inadequate. Like I wasn't enough for you. And, not just you, even my…" I paused, feeling the lump form in my throat, "...my parents. Ummm…" saying that out loud to her, it hit differently. My voice was cracking. "I always associated you with my parents. I don't know where the connection came from, and I know now that that's fucked up, and I know I probably should go to a therapist about that, but..." I quickly explained. "But yeah, I just...never felt enough. Like 'why would Blair the cheerleader want to associate with someone like me? How could Blair ever love someone like me??'"

Fuck, it just slipped out. I studied her face for a reaction, expecting her to back away.

But she didn't. She just nodded in understanding, squeezing my hand reassuringly.

"But, um...I know now. It wasn't that you didn't care. It was just...fucking Trevor." I practically growled that name.

Blair breathed out a laugh, rolling her eyes. "Fucking Trevor."

"Yeah, fuck that asshole," I allowed myself to smile before continuing on. "I just... didn't understand how hard that actually was for you."

"It was very hard. God, it bothered me so much because I really did have a soft spot for you, Brianna. I really did, ever since we were kids." Blair smiled warmly. "And that's why I'm so glad you replied to my message. After all these years."

I gulped, thinking about that damn message, and now seeing her loving smile. "Y-You didn't think it was weird?"

Blair sighed, yet her smile remained. "Brianna. Do you think I'd be sitting here if it was?" She moved her hand to my elbow, up my shoulder, caressing my cheek gently.

I almost said something. I couldn't even remember what it was. Not that it mattered because I didn't get the chance. The moment I had been waiting for, it was happening. Her face was moving closer to mine, eyes slowly closing. And as soon as I felt her lips brush against mine, the feeling of her touch caused the butterflies in my stomach to flutter. I closed my own eyes and accepted what was happening.

The kiss my teenage self craved, dreamed about even.

It was reality.

We hadn't just slipped into some other world.

This was real life. The feeling of her hand on my cheek, that was real. The butterflies in my stomach fighting against the walls, also real.

And how I lifted my hand and held her face, also real.

She pulled away first, but her lips were still close, "was that OK?"

"Yeah," I moved my face back towards hers, initiating another kiss. I was savouring every bit of this moment. The sweet taste of her was too much to not let go of.

But she pulled back again, letting herself fall back against the mattress. I stared at her for a few seconds. Fuck, this was happening. Something inside me was hesitant to do this. The nerves, the fear of not being enough for her.

Blair reached out for my hand, and I knew I was just overthinking again. I took her hand and allowed her to pull me down to her.

Lowering my face to hers, I kissed her again, more hungrily this time. For a second, I didn't know where to go from there, still so in disbelief that my luck had turned around.

When I pulled away, my hand travelling down the side of her face. "Oh my God...is this real?"

"Of course it is." Blair giggled, her hands roaming up and down my back.

"OK. Good!" I panted, moving my kisses to her cheek, then her neck, and I could feel my heart beating a bit faster.

But because I am Brianna Caldwell, the most awkward person to have ever lived, I had to go on with the questions. "Hey, Blair, can I ask you something?" I kept my lips where they were.

"Mhmm?" She purred when I kissed that point where her neck met her shoulder. The pathetic noise she made almost made me melt, I swear to God.

"Were you…" come on, Brie, just say it, "were you gonna kiss me at the prom?"

She chuckled, "Yeah. But Trevor had to be an insecure loser."

I appreciated the cute giggling sound she made.

I lifted my head away from her skin and leaned up. I looked at her with a raised brow.

Blair was smiling still, but I knew she was getting impatient.

"So...you like-liked me back then too? Even when I was ugly?" I asked.

"Brianna, you were never ugly." Blair's brows connected, a hand stroking up and down my side. She really was getting needy. "And yes. I always like-liked you. God, that's so cute. You still say like-like." She took my hands and guided them to the knot tight at the side of her wrap dress.

"Shut up. Fuck, you're so beautiful." My hands began to untie the knot while I lowered my face and kissed along her clavicle and the only bit of exposed chest I had access to.

"Fuck. If only you knew how long I wanted this." Blair mewled. "I didn't think this was ever gonna happen. Even when I saw you and Juju out on the balcony, I was like...fuck. I'm too late."

Confusion immediately took me over. I pulled back again, looking down at her. A brief flash of frustration appeared on her face, but I ignored it. "Wait. What?"

"Yeah, I just…" Blair looked away for a moment as if debating on continuing or not, "always saw how you were around her. Always so happy. Like you were on top of the world. And I just didn't want to get in the way of that."

Her hand was trailing along my thigh, but I ignored it.

"Wait...Jujubee?" I knew that's who she was talking about, but even the sound of her name, it made something inside hurt. Not a hurt that she caused. Something...so different yet familiar at the same time.

"Yes. I never saw you that happy around anyone else…" Blair leaned back, balancing against my propped knees. "I mean, the prom? The way you looked at me, it was nothing compared to when you're with her. With Jujubee, it was...always so different."

Realisation dawned on me. I knew what she was getting at.

I opened my mouth to speak, ready to say I didn't like Jujubee in that way. But the words wouldn't surface. No matter how much I willed myself, I just couldn't. Even the thought of saying it made that feeling of hurt feel 10 times worse.

"You OK?" Her fingers danced around my thigh again, only with more wanting now.

"But…" I began, "I gave you my Valentine's card in first grade."

Now she was silent, her gaze shifting between both my eyes. She leaned up on both elbows, realising my questions weren't going to stop, and her pussy wasn't going to be eaten any time soon. She gave a nervous laugh, "um, no. You gave it to Jujubee."

I squinted my eyes. "No. I gave it to you, Blair."

"Girl, you gave it to me, and when I asked if it was mine, you shouted at me, saying it was for Juju and you just wanted me to check it out." She was laughing again. But seeing my still confused face, her smile began to drop. "You don't remember that?"

I was silent for a moment. Blair was in front of me, the love of my life, but all I could see was the image of Jujubee in my head. Her perfect little face, the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she laughed, that bright smile, her silky black hair that always smelt so good.

I thought back, all the way back to that specific Valentine's Day. I remembered handing the card to Blair, her confused face, how the kids snickered as I stood there feeling sorry for myself. And Jujubee shouting at them all for making jokes.

But that was all.

"I... don't remember that," I spoke quietly, my eyes squinted.

"Not even the card she gave you?"

My eyes widened at that. "She did what?"

"Yeah, she gave you a card."

Now that she mentioned it, there was a flicker of an image in my head; something pastel pink. My tiny painted fingers holding a heart shape. Baby Brianna smiling, only to lift her head and see the other kids making fun.

"Oh, shit…" I whispered. I climbed off Blair and got up from the bed.

I was on the verge of pacing, my hand in my hair, "Oh my God."

"Don't be embarrassed, Brie." Blair was fully sat up in the bed now, her legs spread as if trying to beckon me back. "Not a lot of people can remember so far back."

I needed to prove if this was real or not. I'd call Jujubee. But then again, would she have even answered? If what Blair was saying was true, that explained why Jujubee was behaving the way she was. She was hurt. She was pissed because I didn't remember her card.

But how the fuck could I have forgotten something like that? All my life, that was all I ever wanted - to know I was loved by someone. Such a memory like that…

"Brie, are we...you know...gonna…" Blair spoke quietly.

My eyes widened. A memory like that. A memory that would be worth keeping.

I turned to face her. "Blair, wait here. I'll be right back."

"OK. Sure." Blair blinked a few times.

I wasted no time rushing downstairs. Taking a moment to observe the crowd, it seemed, quite a few guests had left already. At least it would make it easier to navigate.

I made my way to the kitchen. The memory box was still there. For a millisecond, I feared someone would have stolen it.

I took it to the counter, no one was around, so I felt safe enough to open it.

My nerves were wrecked as I lifted the latch to the box. I only had a small idea of the things that would be in here. Old photos, movie tickets, childhood drawings.

But I hadn't planned on opening it up so soon.

No. I needed to know the truth.

Opening it up, I saw a bunch of photos, tickets and pieces of folded up paper. I removed them, planning to possibly look at them at a later date.

The more I pulled out, the more confident I felt that Blair had got it all wrong. And she was the one who remembered things differently.

But there was a flash of pink at the bottom of the box. I gulped, pushing aside the scraps of paper burying it.

And there it was; A pastel pink heart-shaped card, 'Happy Valentines Day' writing in glitter gel pen on the front. "Shit…" I said quietly, pulling the card out.

Opening it up, I breathed out a puff of air.

'Dear Brianna, I know people in class are mean and say nasty things. But I think you are the prettiest girl in the world. Happy Valentine's day. Love from Juju xxx'

I could hear the younger version of myself reading it out loud, the insults from the other kids, Jujubee yelling at them because they were just jealous.

I put the card down as I realised Blair was right. And memories resurfaced, reading completely different.

That Valentines Day in which she refused to tell me who she had eyes for

That time she didn't invite me to stay for dinner.

How her smile would drop every time I mentioned Blair.

How I never danced with her at the prom

And finally, our recent argument.

It all made sense. Jujubee was in love with me. And instead of recognising it earlier on, I was too caught up with Blair to see it.

And what about me? How did I feel about her? Yeah, Jujubee was my one and only friend. She had gotten me through so much throughout the years. If it weren't for her, who knew where I would have been.

I couldn't pinpoint any time that I had thought of her as more than just a friend.

Well, maybe the times we'd lie in bed and just...stare into each other's eyes. Or the time she held me as I sobbed into her chest after the incident at the prom. Or maybe the times she'd smile, and it would brighten up my day. Or the exact day that I noticed how cute it was when her lashes fluttered.

Or…

My eyes met the heart-shaped card again, how the very sight of it made my heart skip a beat.

"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair as it was clear to me.

My eyes ventured away from the card, moving to the scraps of paper.

'Grandpa's tips for life'

My hand told me to examine the piece of paper further, so I did so.

At the top of the list, there it was. A sign.

'Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose.'

I needed to tell her.

I packed the box up and quickly left the kitchen, noting that a few more people had left.

"Blair!" I called, rushing up the stairs.

She was still there, laying in the bed, in just her white lacey lingerie.

I covered my eyes. "Oh my God. That was unexpected."

"Fuck. Sorry. I kind of had a feeling that would have been inappropriate." She asked.

"What? No. You're fine. I just... wasn't prepared for that." I stuttered, still covering my eyes. "Could you just...cover-up for a second."

"OK." I heard her say. "You can look now."

I looked back. She did pull the duvet up, but just below the wire of her bra.

"OK," I breathed out, trying to ignore her cleavage, "I think you're right about Jujubee."

"You think?"

"Yes," I replied before shaking my head profusely. "No. I know. You're right, Blair. I...I like her. Maybe even love her." Fuck, saying that out loud, it did something to me, "And yes, I liked you for so long, but you're right. I was always happiest with her."

I was expecting her to be disappointed, but she smiled. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"What?"

"Go get her."

Grandpa's words reiterated.

"You're not upset that we're not gonna have sex right now?"

"No, Brie." Blair threw back the covers, picking up her gold wrap dress off the floor, "I already learned how to deal with it. Knowing you belonged to someone else." She wrapped her body up in the dress effortlessly, fluffed out her hair and turned to look at me again. "I know you're meant to be with her. So, go. Go tell her now before it's too late."

Despite this revelation, I couldn't help but feel like a dick. Blair was smiling, but I knew she had to feel some level of hurt. I walked towards her and brought her into a hug.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you, Brie," Blair whispered in my ear.

I only held her tighter, "Don't be," and I pulled away, my hands still on her shoulders, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have ever opened my eyes."

I kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled warmly. I turned to leave, and before I made my way downstairs, I looked at her once more. Her hand was on her face where my lips had been. I was glad I could give her that one last kiss, just something to hold on to.

"You really helped me, Blair," I said.

"Good." She said graciously. "Now go."

The urgency in her voice only fueled my determination.

I was under no time limit, but I couldn't help but want to reach Jujubee as soon as possible.

When I was outside, I shouted for the first cab I saw. Thankfully it pulled over. I got in and pulled out my phone.

But the car was still.

"Go! Drive!" I raised my voice.

"Lady. You haven't even told me where you're headed!" The cabbie turned in his seat.

Fuck, I sounded crazy. How he hadn't thrown me out was beyond me.

I only realised that I had no idea where my destination was. Jujubee could have been anywhere.

The driver was still looking at me, his patience growing thin. So I barked out Jujubee's address.

He seemed relieved to be on the road again. Only then was I aware of the honking cars behind us. Typical for New York, but this was too much.

I found Jujubee's number, trying my luck at the chance she'd answer.

It rang.

And it rang.

And it rang some more.

"Come on, come on," I repeated quietly to myself. Relax, Brie. It's not like she's catching a plane to the furthest state.

The phone went straight to voicemail. "Fuck!"

The cab driver glared at me in the rearview mirror.

I ignored him and tried again. Still nothing.

A few minutes passed, and I tried once more. But again, my luck was shit on.

I dropped my hands to my lap, sighing frustratedly. All I could do was just see if she was home.

My eyes trailed to beyond the window, just hoping to get there as soon as possible.

And there she was. Walking out of a pizza place, a solemn look on her face.

"There she is," I said aloud to myself before turning my attention to the cab driver. "Stop! Pull over!"

He came to a grinding halt. "Jesus Christ, lady! You really need to stop all that yelling and - -"

I handed him a $20 bill, "keep the change. Thank you."

I got out of the vehicle, eyes looking to where Jujubee once was. She was gone.

"Fuck." I looked down one path, not there. And looking down the other, there was Jujubee, rounding the corner and eating a slice of pizza.

I ran in my heels, people moving out of the way to dodge me.

I knew I was an inconvenience to so many, but Jujubee at that moment was my priority.

Rounding the corner, I saw she didn't get far. I couldn't help but bend over for a hot second, trying to catch my breath.

And when I recovered, I shouted out, "Jujubee!"

She turned, eyes wide like she had never heard my voice before. And when she saw it was me, her face sort of fell.

My hand reached into my bag, and I pulled out the Valentines Day card.

She looked confused at first, but then recognition settled in. And the disappointment was replaced with fear.

I stopped panting. And finally, I could speak. "You were right. Approval; That's all I ever wanted. And I thought that if Blair gave that to me, I'd be good enough. Because I never felt that. I never felt good enough. I wasn't good enough for Blair, I was never good enough for my parents, and I'd never be good enough for anyone."

Jujubee was silent for a moment, eyes falling to the pavement and then back up again. "You were good enough for me."

I breathed out. "I know. But I was...too caught up in my own shit to think about how you felt. Too caught up that...I didn't even think about how I felt." I paused, thinking of how the fuck I should say it. No, I didn't need to think. This wasn't some cheesy movie. "I...I love you, Juju."

She let out a breath, a shaky one like she was on the verge of tears. And her eyes became glossy. I really wanted to tell her not to cry, to be happy. But this moment, she wanted this all her life.

A tear slipped down her cheek, but she laughed. "Fuck, I got this fucking pizza 'cause I needed heartbreak food."

I returned the laugh. "Hey, it's OK. You can still eat it. It can be normal pizza."

"No. I'm not even hungry anyway." Jujubee admitted, passing the pizza to a random passerby (who was taken by surprise but accepted the free food anyway).

Jujubee walked towards me. I smiled, already smelling that sweet perfume.

But she pushed me back. "Fuck you for forgetting about the card. I knew you did. I always remembered yours."

"I'm so sorry. I don't know why I forgot. But," I paused, "Blair reminded me."

"She did?"

"Yep."

"Wow. She remembered. But you didn't."

"Yeah. I'm...really really sorry."

"Wow. Is this our first couple fight?" Jujubee put her hands on her hips.

"It could be. If... that's what you want to call us." I suggested.

"Perfect. Seal the deal?" She raised a brow.

I knew where this was going. "Oh, absolutely."

Jujubee stepped closer, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pressed her lips against mine. And that unfamiliar spark coursed through me, like it came from somewhere inside her and travelled through my body.

And I didn't care for the fact we were in the middle of the street, probably inconveniencing others. All that mattered was the happiness coursing through me, the feeling of...being complete.

I pulled out of the kiss first. "Wanna get in that rocket and be the first to go to the other world?"

Jujubee smiled but quickly stopped. "I-I'm kinda unprepared. I mean... I'd need a toothbrush, my clothes..."

"Where we're going...you don't need 'em." And then I played the words back in my head. "Oh. Oh shit, no. Not in that context. I just meant... you'd get new ones, you know? Fuck, I'm terrible at this."

"No. You're just you." Jujubee laughed, and fuck, I adored how her eyes were crinkling at the corners.

We grabbed the nearest cab. When we told him where we were going, his eyes widened. It would be a journey. But we paid upfront, so the driver remained silent.

When we got to base, I almost cursed myself for not thinking about how we'd access all the areas.

But there was that mastercard. And they couldn't say no. They knew who I was, after all.

When we were in the gowning area, Jujubee and I helped each other into spacesuits. I was high with anticipation, ready to see what was on the other side, ready to do it all with Jujubee.

This was our dream.

Jujubee grabbed two helmets. One for her and one for me. She tossed it my way, and I caught it.

"Ready to go?" She asked.

"Absolutely." I extended my hand, and we made our way to the door.

The cold cool air was refreshing. My eyes travelled up and down the rocket. It was bigger than I imagined, and for a small second, I felt worthless. Like I was just Brianna Caldwell, a girl from a small town with no real purpose in this world.

But Jujubee slid her hand into mine. And I was reminded that all I had to do was shut my inner demons up. Because I did have a purpose. And I was something to someone. As long as I had her, that was all that mattered.

Jujubee smiled mischievously, pulling me along the bridge, leading me to the already opened door. She ducked down and climbed into the small space, and I followed.

It was disorientating at first, what with the rocket facing the sky. I feared I'd fall trying to get into my seat. But Jujubee continued to pull me along.

When we were seated, I wasted no time putting on my helmet and initiated the activation process.

I could feel Jujubee's smirk as I flicked at switches and pressed buttons. It only fueled my excitement.

A voice came through the radio, one of the engineers. We were bombarded with questions, demanding to know what we were doing, how it was too early for take off with no press to film it, all sorts of complaints.

But we didn't care.

When everything seemed ready to go, I put my hand on the lever. But before I pulled, I turned my head to her.

"Ready to see the flying horses?" I raised a brow.

"Just as ready as I am for the cats that bark." She breathed out a laugh through her nostrils.

With another smile, I pulled the lever. The ship was rumbling now, and my stomach was doing somersaults.

We both turned our attention to the sounds of protest from the engineers. They were livid now, shouting about how the media wasn't going to like this.

I lifted my hand up, flipping the source of the sound off. Jujubee cackled to my delight.

I put the intercom on mute. And the ship took off. Mom was gonna kill me for this. I'd definitely bring her back a gift. A new vase, maybe? Yeah. A vase from an entirely new world. Something new.

I looked forward, unable to see the ground below us. How high were we already? How long was left until we reached that crossover, the gateway?

My question was answered as the ship was illuminated by a bright light.

We did it, Grandpa. We did it.

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

12 - Coincidence

This chapters songs:

Beach Bummer; No Vacation

Goodie Bag; Still Woozy

Sports; Beach Bunny

- Y. L. Perspective

I wasn't sure what to think when I had read the message aloud. "I want to talk." What could that possibly mean?

"Y/n, I'm sure you're just being dramatic. Maybe he just wangs to check up on how you've been doing, " Toruku suggests, sipping from his box of apple juice. The two of us sat against the brick wall on the outside of the cafeteria, discussing my issue. Giki and Hikishi couldn't join us for lunch because of school work that they had to finish up, and Suga had to meet his friends.

Ever since the party, the only thing that stuck to my mind was my situation with Koushi. But other than that, I had forgotten about certain things that happened. As an example, bumping into Oikawa. And as crazy as it was, the moment completely left my mind for a good five days. Until I got a message from him, saying, "I want to talk."

Oikawa, Toruku, Iwaizumi, and I have known each other ever since the beginning of junior high. The only reason we had separated was because of Moku's tragic death, and our schools. Toruku and I had decided to stick together and go to Karasuno, while Oikawa and Iwa felt their volleyball was more important than staying friends. But honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal. The older we grew, then we realized that we wouldn't stick with our middle school friends.

But what Oikawa had caused between the four of us is what made things awkward.

Around the summer of my first year of high school, we all subtly kept in touch with each other. But then after he had thrown a party around July a fight had broken out between him and Toruku because of me.

Oikawa was telling others cruel things in a group of people that were discussing school, lying about how I acted around him. That I had messed around with him, or how I was jealous of Moku for being with Toruku and took it out on Oikawa. But truth was that Oikawa was the one who liked me, and I never paid too much attention to him because of how guilty I felt for liking my best friend's boyfriend.

Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Toruku, and I all knew what Toru said were false claims that he only told for attention from other girls that he would talk to. Oikawa let his popularity get ahead of him, causing a ruckus to occur that day. The further he would go with these stories, the angrier Toruku and I had grown. Eventually, his mouth ran far enough to drive Toruku to punch him more than I had expected. Oikawa was all bark and no bite, therefore, he didn't fight back. That night is when Toruku and I had realized that we needed to move in from our past and find lives of our own. Ones that wouldn't have to ever run into the two obnoxious duo Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

So you could imagine my anger when seeing him at a party that didn't involve him.

"Uhm.." Toruku takes a bite out of his egg sandwich, munching while talking. "Just text him back! Say 'about what?' I bet that would get you answers."

I groan at his stupidity. Today wasn't the best day to have lunch with Toruku, but who else could relate to me as much as him? So, I do as I am suggested, texting back a simple reply and hoping it would lead me to the best possible outcome.

—

Oikawa

I want to talk

About what?

...

—

"Oh my god, he's typing," I say quickly, dropping any items in my hand to hold the phone in front of Toruku and me. He finishes his egg sandwich and crumbles the wrapper to throw into a bin not too far away from where we sat before crossing his arms in concentration.

It wasn't that I was excited to talk to Oikawa. I was nervous as to what he wanted to discuss with me. Other than school, there wasn't much to talk about with him. All I knew was that he turned into a jackass with an ego.

'What does he even wanna say?'

When my phone vibrated in my hands, I had thought my questions were answered. But only a simple reply was given to me.

—

Oikawa

I want to talk

About what?

I just want to see how you've been doing. How about lunch on Saturday?

—

Toruku frowns at the message. "Why would he want to have lunch after what happened?" He asks me. "Say you're busy." A protective tone overtakes him.

"Ok, ok."

—

Oikawa

I want to talk

About what?

I just want to see how you've been doing. How about lunch on Saturday?

I have a tight schedule, so I don't think I'm free that day.

Hmm

Sunday?

What would we talk about, Toru?

Honestly

I just wanted to see you again

You know, talk?

Mhm

But why? Soon it won't matter

Cause after I saw you on Saturday I realized I had some things to say

Please?

Okay

We'll figure something out

—

"Do you think he still likes you?" Toruku pops in.

"No, I don't think so. But I also haven't been able to see his development, so I wouldn't know," I reply to him. I could either ruin or glorify my relationship with him. That was a bet I wasn't sure I wanted to take. And not only that, but he also had beef with Toruku. Why didn't he ask him to lunch as well? Was it because he didn't run into him during the party?

Now I had yet again another thing to worry about. Right now, my current concern was my first volleyball practice this afternoon. Kiyoko had informed me that this weekend they were to have a practice game with one of the competitive teams. I wasn't sure if I would enjoy it or not, but I mine as well have given it a shot.

To be honest, I was a little bit excited. Not only would I be able to see Suga more than in the afternoon, but I could get to know the underclassman more. That was if they even liked me.

"Whatever. I don't need to be worrying about this right now," I tell Toruku as I get up from the wall to throw my trash away. He nods, tossing his trash in the basket as well, before picking up my bag and bento, handing it to me. "Thanks for having lunch with me."

"It's no issue. Just tell me how things go with texting Oikawa and have fun at practice."

"Sure thing."

-

I waited at the front of her classroom. By her, I mean the beauty herself: Kiyoko. She told me earlier that she would run through the rooms the volleyball club uses so that I could get familiar with where I'd be going every day I attended practice. I was in good hands when it came to Kiyoko, one of my very close friends.

Finally, her classroom door opens, followed by the many students held inside to flood the hallways, including Kiyoko. "Hey there!" She throws a hand over my shoulder as we begin walking to the exit of the hall. "You excited?"

"I guess. I'm more nervous than excited," I reply.

"Don't be. The boys are very sweet. If you'd like, I can try giving you a summary of what to expect!" She exclaims, her excitement practically glowing off of her skin.

Once I nod, Kiyoko begins her full explanation of the players. "Well, we have the three third years. Me, Sugawara, and Daichi! And you already know about us. And there are only four second years. There's Tanaka, Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita. Tanaka is a loud person, but he's super hard working and nice to me, so I guess he's okay. As for Ennoshita, he doesn't talk very much, but I wouldn't be rough with him. He seems like the insecure type. And Narita and Kenoshita are like him, except a little more wild! They usually stay in the back of the crowd, though. Then there are the first years— man are they talented. We have this amazing pair of first years, Kageyama and Hinata. Hinata is so good at jumping, probably the best I've ever seen, and a very rowdy boy. Kageyama is usually a prick to everybody, but he's learning to be a team player. Then there is Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. They're pretty simple to predict. Tsuki just bosses around Yamaguchi all the time and they both talk crap about everybody, but they're good friends and good players."

I can't help but widen my eyes at how fast Kiyoko had explained the players. It was as if she had a lite notebook in the back of her mind where she stored every detail about them, knowing every word she wrote like the back of her hand. "...wow, so there's some personality in the team! That's good to hear," I say, taking a deep breath before we both leave the school building and make our way behind it. "I think I know about Kageyama, though. I went to middle school with him and my old friends that were on the team with him weren't very fond of him— but that's all I know. Sugawara just tells me that he's a very talented person, which doesn't say much about his persona."

"Oh yeah! How're things with Sugawara going?" Kiyoko has no hesitation to jump towards the subject. I couldn't blame her, though. It had been a while since we had a girl-on-girl chat.

Embarrassed, I chuckle, staring at the ground as we discuss. "Nothing much. I mean— he did ask me to be his girlfriend, and we made out a couple of times, but that's it!" I act as if the actions weren't such a huge thing.

Kiyoko gasped. "Y/n! You didn't tell me that you were so close to him, I would have teased you way more than I already do! You kissed him?! How many times? When—where?!"

"Shimizu, stop talking so loud!" I exclaimed, raising my brows as the girl pipes down. Kiyoko wasn't ever the type to get so rowdy about things, that is if it didn't have to do with romance. As for that, she was a downer. And if her friend was involved with it then she wouldn't stop with the blabber. "Anyway, after the party, we both spent the night in his car. We didn't do anything but make out. Still, it was so nice," I whine. "He was so gentle and confident at the same time, and I'd never had somebody want to kiss me so badly— y'know? After that, he took me home, and we both slept in my bed for a couple of hours. Once I woke up, he wasn't anywhere to be found. Only my cat and a letter were left on the pillow next to me."

"A letter?" She questions.

"Yeah, explaining his feelings—his feelings,

Shimizu! Isn't that so sweet?! He told me that he was in love with me and never felt so passionate about anybody the way he does with me. But the thing is, I'm not even sure I wanna be in a relationship. And it's hurting both of us. I think I'm just so confused about everything that I can't even make up a decision."

"Hm, that's understandable. It's a big surprise two of my friends are getting together without telling me! Especially since they're so in love with each other. But now you're saying you don't know what to say?" Kiyoko hums. "Well, from the way you talk about him, are you sure that you're not just scared? You seem like you're head over heels, Y/n. What's stopping you?"

Suddenly, a tall shadow stops us in our tracks, interrupting our conversation. "Yeah, what's stopping you?!" A deep voice says as Kiyoko nudges him.

"Daichi, you don't even know what we're talking about!" She says. It was no other than Sawamura, acting silly again.

He wore a black jumpsuit that I assumed was his volleyball uniform and white tennis shoes, topped off with his grin. "Hey, Y/n! You excited for practice?" He asks in enthusiasm, crossing his arms. If I was being honest, Daichi always scared me when confronting me, but I knew he had my back. Therefore, the goosebumps that crawled up my spine had disappeared once I settled into his smile.

"I mean... I'm a bit nervous. But yeah, I'm excited."

Daichi claps his large hands, then points towards a grey building that was only a few meters away from where we stood under the school roof. "Great! Kiyoko can lead you to the locker rooms and the team will meet you in the gym!"

I look to Kiyoko, who's nodding. "Sure thing. Let's go, Y/n." Her hand lightly pushes me towards the direction of the changing rooms.

Once we arrived at a certain locker room, Kiyoko showed me around the place. There were sixteen lockers on each side of the wall and two benches in the middle. Lots of different sports instruments were piled up in a corner, while a few bags were tossed in another. Overall, it seemed like a regular changing room.

"Here, you can use this locker here. No one ever does." Kiyoko points to an empty silver cubby. The others that surrounded it had posters and locker decor on them, telling me they were already claimed by other girls.

I open the locker, placing a few of my things in it like my bag, school vest and tie, and my shoes. After, I turn to Kiyoko, who's standing right behind me with a black bag in her hands. "Here, this is your new uniform. The team will take you more seriously if you have it on."

Taking the baggy, I pull open the zipper, revealing folded clothing inside. It was the same that Daichi had on earlier, except it didn't come with shorts and tennis shoes. Kiyoko told me that I would only need to bring some sport shoes and a white tee to wear under my sweater. "Thanks! Are you gonna be wearing one too?"

"Not today. My uniform is dirty, so I'll be using one from him. Don't worry, once the team is used to you, you'll be able to bend the rules a bit as I do. They don't care very much." She says as she makes her way towards her locker, pulling out a light lavender jumpsuit.

'Crap, does this mean I'm going to have to undress in front of other girls? That's gonna be awkward.' I tell myself, as I hid behind the door of my locker to pull down my skirt and quickly put on the black pants. I exchange my button-up for a comfortable white tee and black sweater, before taking off a few accessories that I had on and slip them into a pocket of my bag. After, I sat on the bench to trade my black long socks for some normal ones and tie on my shoes.

"Ready?" Kiyoko turns to me, fully dressed in her uniform.

"You bet."

-

I hadn't realized how awkward interrupting a practice was until the deed was done. It was sickening, embarrassing, and terrifying.

"Hi everybody," Kiyoko says in a soft tone, setting our bags down near the door while I avoided eye contact with anybody. That didn't help the fact that every one of the players was staring at us, sitting in a circle on the ground.

A loud, raspy voice echoed through the gym, interrupting the bitter silence that ate me up. "Hi, Kiyoko! How was your day today?" I glance up at the person who jogged towards us.  He had a huge smile and short buzz cut, already telling me that he was a rowdy one. "And as for you, welcome! You must be the new manager! I'm Ryonosuke Tanaka, one of the best players on this team!" He holds out a hand for me to shake.

'So this must be the second year Kiyoko told me about. Great, I like him already.' I think, bowing before shaking his hand. "I'm Y/n L/n, nice to meet you."

"Tanaka! Show some respect for your upperclassman, will you!" Daichi comments, coming up from behind him. "I'm sorry about him. He's a wild one."

"Oh, that's alright."

When Daichi realizes I'm comfortable enough to glance at the teammates, he quickly moves out of the way. "Oh—let me introduce you properly. Everybody, this is our new manager that Takeda Sensei told us about: Y/n! She's a third-year and is here to help out Kiyoko. She's friends with us third years too, so no funny business!" He looks towards Tanaka. "That means you, Tanaka!"

He yells out, "I—I was just being friendly!"

Daichi simply playfully rolls his eyes. "Why don't you first years come to introduce yourselves, hm?" He suggests as a few boys shuffle through the small crowd to get a better view of me.

"Hey! It's good to see you again, L/n! I'm Shoyo Hinata." He bows. I recognized him immediately when he approached me. The player was short for somebody on a volleyball team and had bright ginger hair that was rough and fluffy, and he practically radiated energy when I was near him. "I hope you have a great time on the team!"

After giving him a brief smile, I shift my eyes towards a pair of first-years that seemed suspicious of my presence in the club. But one of them stepped up to shake my hand and grin. He had brown yet green-tinted hair that appeared soft, and many freckles on his face. "Hi, I'm Tadashi Yamaguchi. A pleasure to meet you!" He cautiously nudges the tall boy next to him.

He rolls his eyes at the slightest, tossing the volleyball in his hands to the ground. "Hi, I'm Tsukishima." He says in a proud tone, bowing.

Then, I fixate my eyes on the boy who stood behind Hinata, staring intently at me. Once he notices that I had caught him, he began stuttering. "I—Uh...I'm Kageyama! Tobio Kageyama." The ravenette puffs up his chest, bowing towards me.

"Ah, yes! I know about you. Did you happen to go to Kitagawa Daiichi during middle school?" I ask, tilting my head to take a mental picture of him.

"Uh..yes. How did you know?"

"I used to hang around the volleyball club a lot and knew a bit about you. But I never would have thought you would go here!" I quickly realize how rude my response appeared. "Oh, crap! I didn't mean it like that."

He shakes his head violently, shutting down my apology. "It's no issue, Y/n! It's great that you know me— I mean— thank you for recognizing me," he says loudly, bowing once more. It became obvious that Kags was a bit nervous to meet me, but it wasn't anything threatening. His bright pink cheeks were more warming than scary.

"Well, Kageyama, it's great to see you again," I giggle. Then, three boys are seen in the corner of my eye, seeming eager to say their hellos. Taking initiative, I greet them. "Uh, hi guys."

"Hey!" They say, maneuvering towards me. The black-haired one shakes my hand first, squeezing it gently. "I'm Ennoshita. Pleased to meet you." Then comes the other two: one with a buzz cut, and the other with dirty blonde hair. "I—I'm Kenoshita! And this is Narita!" He points to the buzz cut boy. "We're all second years, by the way!"

Surprised by so many greetings, I can't help but hold my hands out in front of my face. "Oh— okay! Nice to meet you, too."

Somebody abruptly suggests, "Why don't you guys give her some space?" Knowing the voice too well to forget it, I grew excited. Sugawara had arrived, finally. I was looking forward to seeing him more than anybody else. "Hey, Y/n. Glad to have you," He says, secretly winking at me.

"Thank you."

-

"Let's talk positions for the practice game," Daichi commands, lifting a dry erase board to face everybody."Here's the plan I came up with."

The club was sat in a big circle on the court facing Daichi and Takeda. I accompanied them as well, pretending I knew what they were talking about.

"I'd like to have you two working as a pair." Daichi points to Kageyama and Hinata, who gave each other low growls. "And since Tsukishima is our tallest player, I think that would give us a benefit against Seijoh."

'Seijoh? Isn't that short for Aoba Johsai?' I think, raising my hand slightly. "Uh, so you guys are playing against Seijoh?"

Daichi nods. "Yes, Aoba Johsai. We have a practice game with them this week. They're a very strong team, so we need to be in our top game. Are you gonna be joining us..or?"

"Yeah, I will. I'm asking because I know a bit about the players on that team. If you'd like, I can give you guys some advice on their style."

"Wait! Why is Hinata in the one position that needs a tall guy?" Tanaka blurts, as he points towards Shoyos name that was written on the board. It stood in front of the net doodle, telling us he'd be playing as a blocker.

Hinata takes notice of this and grows annoyed. "You're saying Tsukishima and I are playing middle blockers?!" It seemed that he wasn't very fond of Tsuki.

"Timeout!" Takeda strikes the air with his hands, before reaching to his side to unfold a small handy book. "I think I need an overview of the positions.. let's start with the setter. That's the basic control tower— the ones who set people up for attacks. Then there are the wing spikers. They're the rounder that sort of.. maintains the balance between offense and defense. And middle blockers block the other teams' attacks and score points using quick attacks. They also act as a decoy to lead away from the opponent blockers! Is that right?" He asks, looking up to the team captain for reassurance.

He nods his head, putting his palms together. "There is a position that specializes in defense, but we don't need to worry about that right now. So far, that's the positions!"

"Well, Hinata should be the 'number one decoy'!" Kageyama quickly rises, looking towards the redhead. I look towards Kiyoko who is just as confused as me about what he blabbered. "Why don't we use you as a distraction to get points? We'll be using quick attacks, that way the other spikers can do some damage! You'll take down guys like Tsukishima and take them right down the garden path like the idiots they are." Kageyama spoke in a determined manner.

Yamaguchi defended the boy, saying, "Hey! Don't imply Tsuki's an idiot!" But is quickly shut down by Tsukishima, being told to shut up. "Oh.. sorry."

'These first years sure are interesting..and rude, if I'm being honest. Why is it that they're so bossy and demanding?' I say to myself, bringing my knees up and resting my head on them. Although we hadn't done anything physical, I was beginning to grow tired.

"Hinata, when we play, you better be on your best level! If you mess up even one bit, all of our attacks are gonna start to fall apart, got it?" Kageyama strikes Hinata, making him feel frightened and cornered.

"Come on, Kageyama. Hinata is already under a lot of pressure, why say things that make him feel bad?" I whisper to him, as he began to feel concerned for Shoyo.

Tanaka pats Hinatas back, attempting to calm him. "Yeah but- blocking is the most important thing here! No matter how high he can jump, he's still a shorty pants."

What he had told everybody started a riot between the players. Each of them argued about whether or not Hinata should be one of the middle blockers. As for the third years, we rubbed our foreheads in frustration. But it wasn't as if I could expect anything different from these boys.

"Don't you worry, Hinata. As long as you do your best, the team will be proud-"

"R-right! I promise I won't mess up!" Hinata perks up while his face turned a crimson color out of stress. "I'll block as much as you want me to and be the best decoy! I'll serve, I'll do attacks, I'll block! I'll do whatever you say, captain!"

Because of how anxious he grew, he dropped onto the gym floor not long after his rant, breathing heavily. Hinata had made it clear to me that volleyball was a very serious thing for him, and other players' opinions on him meant almost everything. But thank goodness, our third years reassured him that he would be just fine for the practice game.

From how much I'd seen, I thought that the club wasn't too much of an issue to attend to. That was if I wasn't helping first years get back up onto their feet after short-circuiting. Kiyoko had even told me that I did a great job on my first day at practice. So I was sure that I'd be a benefit to the team.

Now, my biggest concern was seeing Oikawa.

-

Comments and votes are super appreciated! Pls give me recognition for my chapters, I work so so so hard.

- sugawaras beauty mark☆

[mysteryofren]

More Than Enough

Part 9 of So Happy Together

part 8

Note: theres a song that kind of inspired the name and closing lines. it always reminds me of friendship and how important it is. its called all that we get by first aid kit. give it a listen if you wanna get the vibe this chapters giving off!

   The next morning was much the same. You woke up. Got ready, and headed for your first class. On your way to the first period of the day, you ran into Hux and Phasma. Phasma gave you a big smile and waved you over. You jogged across the lawn holding your skirt down so nobody got an unnecessary show. Once you reached them they both said hello and asked you to walk with them. 

“Y/N i was wondering if we could sit together first period. Last night reminded me of how much I love being around you!”

“Ummm, of course, I forgot how much we clicked too, i feel like I haven't been a very good friend.”

“I can assure you i've been just as bad. I never reached out to you much either.” she said gently, placing her hand on your shoulder as you all started walking.

“I can testify that Phas, is indeed, a bad friend.” Hux teased. It was weird seeing him so relaxed, you figured it was a perk of being his friend. Ever since that morning at the diner you always saw a less serious version of him. Once you had reached the building where your first classes were held, Hux announced that he would have to be on his way to reach his class. You all said goodbye as you continued walking with Phasma. Once you stepped through the building doors you saw Ben leaning against a wall. Someone was with him, but not just anyone. It was Rey, you should've known she would have dug her claws in quick. He turned over to you when his smile dropped. You gave him a small wave when he said something to Rey then walked away. She looked over at you and began charging towards you.  

  Phasma had noticed the change of your facial expression. You could tell she was about to ask you something when you felt something ram into you. You fell back and dropped your bag, all its contents spilling out. You looked up and saw Rey looking down at you.

“I see you're still a clumsy little shit, guess some things never change, huh?” you watched as smiled, turned and walked away.

Phasma bent down to help you gather your things, “she's still a bitch to you after all these years? Some things never change I guess.” 

You could tell she was making fun of what she had said, but you were too hurt by Ben to focus on your cousin. Once everything was in your bag phasma stood, and held out her hand to help you up. You took it and stood up. While you fixed your skirt the bell had gone off. Great now you were late on top of everything. You both ran to your class and the professor had been waiting outside. 

“Ladies, might I ask why you're late.” Miss Sloane was intense, she almost scared you. Before you had a chance to answer phasma spoke up. 

“I'm sorry professor Sloane. The hall was crowded and we bumped into someone and our things fell. It won't happen again. I promise.” who would've thought that she was charismatic. You saw Sloane turn towards you. 

“This is your first tardy in the 3 years youve been in my class. I won't count it this time.” she stepped out of the doorway allowing you both to enter. You rushed to the back table where there were two empty spots and sat. you went the whole class not speaking, trying to avoid further trouble. Near the end of class everyone had finished up early, and Sloane had decided to give everyone free time. That's when phasma asked the dreaded question. 

“So. What happened out there? That guy looked at you and your whole mood changed.”

You leaned closer to her so nobody could hear your conversation. “That was Ben solo.”

“I don't see how that's relevant to you looking like your soul had been crushed.”

  You took the time to give her a brief summary of the situation. She gave you a sad look when you told her about the kiss, and how he was your first kiss. 

“Oh honey. That sounds so beautiful, why do you think he's acting like this all of a sudden?” 

“I don't know, but it hurts. He seemed like he really liked me. What sucks is I have to see his brother a lot, and he knows about it. What do i do if he asks about me and him again?”

Her face twisted and she looked thoughtful for a second. “Is his brother Matt?” 

“Yes.” you replied. 

“Now that i think about it. I see it. Anyways, if he asks, tell him the truth, maybe he can tell you what is going on.”

  The bell rang dismissing you to your next class. You slowly got up, not wanting to go back out. In fact you wanted nothing more than to go back to your dorm. Hell, part of you wanted to run to your grandfathers. Your perfect attendance kept you from it though. As you walked out she invited you to sit with her and Hux at lunch. You told her about the project with Matt and she informed you that he sat with them anyways. You never noticed who hung out with who until now. You reluctantly agreed, and you two went your separate ways. You went to your next class, which was one you hated. You had somehow gotten into calculus. You have no clue how you sucked at math, but the worst part was you had it with Rey. 

  You walked in and noticed you had gotten there before her. You took a spot in the back, hoping to be ignored by her. Soon everyone had arrived, but her. You had a moment of relief, before the door opened. She walked in and after her came Ben. Perfect. Professor Windu asked about the man behind her and she had informed him that he had been moved into the class. The professor welcomed him and asked him to introduce himself. When he stood at the front of the room he looked around. You tried putting your head down, but you knew he had seen you. 

“Uhh, im Ben. Ben Solo. This is actually my last year in school, so it's kinda pointless for my parents to move me here, but here I am,” you looked up and you had looked him right in the eyes. “Guess it could be worse though.” you remembered those words. He said those exact words to you. It could be worse. It felt almost dirty hearing him say it again in front of a crowd. 

  He kept his eyes locked on yours as he took his seat next to Rey. you hated this. You hated it with everything in you. This was going to be excruciating. Not only did you have to be in a room with someone who made you absolutely miserable, but you had to watch as she threw herself all over the guy you liked. You tried your best to stay focused, but it was hard. 

Once more you heard the bell and you waited until Ben and Rey had walked out before moving towards the door. A couple more periods went by and eventually it was your lunch period. You made your way towards the cafeteria waiting for someone from your group to arrive so they could show you where they sit. After a while you decide to text Matt and ask about where they sit. Once you were told you made your way over. On your way there you came face to face with Rey, and what a surprise, Ben. she made a face at you before bumping into you again. You looked at Ben with sadness in your eyes. All he did was shake his head and follow after Rey. You watched as they sat with her friends. Poe, Finn, and Rose. you had known them well. You all were friends at one point, but in this school it was all about money. The more money you had the cooler you were. To put it in polite your parents were filthy rich. They could sell their business’ and there would be enough money to last until your kids were in their teens. There were a few things about it though. You didn't like that social system, and you didn't like flaunting your wealth. Rey on the other hand. Her mother, your father's sister, had married super rich. A Palpatine. They were old money, not new money like your family. Rey loved letting people know she was richer than them. It was like a personality trait to her. 

  You walked over to where Matt, Phasma, and Hux were sitting. You tried your best to forget about the whole day and focus on your project, and friends. You couldn't help but look over at Ben every now and then. He looked sad. Meanwhile everyone around him was talking, almost ignoring him. You decided to try and reach out. Just to gauge if there was still something there. You sent a text to him asking if he was alright. You hit sent and watched carefully. You watched as he took his phone out and read the message. He looked up at you with his phone still in his hands. Looking you dead in the eyes he put his phone back in his pocket, and jumped into the conversation that everyone at his table was having. Okay. that hurt. That hurt more than anything, more than seeing him with rey in the hall. More than him being rude that first day. This was a new hurt. This. This was a heartbreak. You felt the tears welling up before you were pulled out of your thoughts when Hux had put his hand on your shoulder. 

“You alright?” you looked up to see your friends watching you as tears fell down your face. Phasma looked at where you had been looking. She looked right at Ben with a look of anger on her face. 

You quickly gathered your things. “I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well, i've gotta go.”

  Your run out, having to pass by Ben's table made you cry harder, but you didn't care who saw. You ran straight for your dorm tears streaming down your face as you went. As soon as you got there you ran in throwing yourself on your bed. your body wracked with an onslaught of sobs. You cried hard, and you cried loud. If you could guess it wasn't just because of Ben, it was the pain of being ignored by someone else. You're always ignored by the people you want most, and you were growing weary of it. You had only ever wanted your parents attention. Ben was the only other person where you desperately wanted his attention. He had given it to you so easily, and just as quickly he had taken it back. You eventually cried yourself to sleep.

 You woke up to the sound of knocking at your door. You weren't sure how much time had passed, but you got up and opened the door. Matt stood there looking down at you. You never noticed how tall he was until now. He walked past you into your room, and sat on the bed. You looked at the clock in the hall. Your last period was supposed to be starting now, why was he here? 

“You left lunch pretty quick. You were so upset I was positive you weren't coming to class so I thought I'd come check up on you.” he said with a soft voice. 

“Why? You're gonna get in trouble for skipping.”

“I know we don't know each other too well, but I like you, you’re so cool, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

   You stayed silent. Trying to find an excuse so you wouldn't have to tell him about his brother. 

“Phas told me about Ben. he's an ass trust me Y/N nobody knows that better than me.” you walked over to sit next to him. As soon as you sat down you started sobbing again. He put his arm around you and let you cry. It was a while before he had said anything.

“Look, i can see how it would be weird to talk about it with me. I'm willing to listen though, if you want to sit in silence and cry, I'll let you do that too, but just know me, Phas, and Hux are all here for you.“ you hugged him and he awkwardly hugged you back. 

“Do you think it was something I did?” you asked him.

“No. for sure no. If anything something probably happened, and he got scared. For as tough as he acts he runs at the first sight of emotions.” you laughed. 

You sat up wiping the tears off your face. “I don't know why, I just feel so heartbroken over this. I've never felt this way about anyone.”

“Trust me I get the feeling. You never knew this, but I've had a crush on Elaine since like 3rd grade. I told her about it and she rejected me. She wanted to focus on school. I understood, but it hurt like hell still. She agreed to not bring it up to anyone because of how embarrassed i was.”

“How'd you deal with it?”

“I didn't have a lot of friends, but the few I did I kinda just hung out with them. It distracted me. I had them so everything was okay.” 

You nodded and took in his advice. You had him. You had Phasma, and Hux. most importantly you had Elaine. You haven't been friends with them long, but a part of you knew that Hux, Phasma, and Matt loved you. You knew without a doubt that Elaine loved and adored you. You knew they would be there. You knew they'd help. Most importantly you knew it would be alright and that one day the pain that Ben Solo had caused you would all be a distant memory. All because you had them. What if this was all that you get? Now that you think about it. That was enough. That was more than enough.

[tintin-is-my-life]

- FANFICTION - 1st part

An Unexpected Meeting

In these radiant weather, Tintin was walking around the flee market, hoping to find some reading treasures. Suddenly, he froze. He had just noticed a magnificent antique: a Caravel.

He looked at it more closely: "The Unicorn" as it was called. Tintin paid the seller, but at that very moment a man rushed to the stall. He was an American, wearing blue felt clothes. He asked Tintin if he didn't want to sell him the beautiful ship. The answer was no, of course. After that, the man warned him against ill-intentioned people who might be willing to do anything to take the ship. The man got further and further away, and finally left.

Suddenly, a voice was heard:

Wonderful...oh... it's just wonderful...

No need to wrap it up, I'll take it as it is, you don't mind if I pay by check?"

An other interested party... thought Tintin.

The salesman answered: If you want to buy it, address it to this boy!

The man replied: I see... so let the boy name his price...

It's not forsale, Tintin replied.

The man introduced himself : My name is Ivan Ivanovich Sakharine. I recently acquired Marlinspike Hall. And,this ship, as you must surely know, has always been part of the estate.

Tintin: Of the late sea captain?

Sakharine:Yes, but the family has suffered great setbacks. They lost everything! They've gone from bad luck to bad luck. . . Let's talk about. . . generations of drinking and irrational behavior.

Tintin: I'm sorry, but as I told you before, it's not for sale. Goodbye,sir.

Sakharine turned to the seller, asking him if he had any idea who he was dealing with.

Seller: You don't know him? It's Tintin. A famous reporter, he is very well known in Belgium but also in the whole world.

Sakharine: I've never heard of this... kid at all. * squinting eyes and looking scornful* Besides, I've only been in Brussels for a short time. He said as he watched Tintin goaway. Then he left without saying a word.

Meanwhile, Tintin returned to his apartment. He had questions in his head. First of all, why did this boat attract so much covetousness? And what secrets could it be hiding?

Tintin put the boat on his cabinet and went to the library. He needed to learn about the history of this caravel. He learned that "The Unicorn" was in fact a ship in Louis XIV's fleet, and that Louis XIV had offered the Captain, Sir Francis Haddock, a priceless treasure as a reward for his loyalty.But the ship was attacked by pirates, and only the Captain escaped.And ever since then, the family has been under a curse.

In the book, an inscription caught his attention:

"Only a true Haddock can discoverthe secret of The Unicorn..."

Later, Tintin returned home and discovered in amazement that the boat had disappeared. On this discovery, he decided to go where he was sure to find it, at Marlinspike Hall, in other words, the present home of Mr.Sakharine.

He arrived on the spot and without surprise, he found the model ship. But suddenly he received a blow to the head and collapsed.

Sakharine : Welcome to Marlinspike Hall !

Tintin went straight to the point: I came to retrieve my property !!

Sakharine: I'm sorry. I am not sure I follow you...

Tintin : Oh, I think you do !

Sakharine: I'm afraid you're mistaken, Mr. Tintin!

Tintin: There's no mistake ! It belongs to me!

Sakharine: Are you sure?

Tintin: Well,of course I'm sure, I took it home, I put it on the cabinet in the living room. A cat came in and dropped it while I was chasing it ! But, hum... (clears throat) How can that be? The mast is intact....It's not my ship.

Sakharine: It certainly isn't your ship, young man! This one I've had for a very long time.

Tintin : I am sorry, it looks identical.

Sakharine: Well, look can bedeceiving !

Tintin: Yes, indeed, but I don't understand ! Why did Sir Francis make two ships exactly alike? And you have one already ! Why do you want another one ? What is about this model that would cause someone to steal it ?

Sakharine: Goodness me! Why so many questions?

Tintin: It's my job, there could be a story here. That's what I do, you see.

Sakharine: Well, it's not a great mystery, Sir Francis Haddock was a drunkard, and a hopeless reprobate. He was doomed to fail and he bequeathed that failure to his sons !

Tintin: So it's true! The Haddock line is cursed!

Sakharine: What else have you find out ?

Tintin:What is there to find?

Sakharine: That depends what you'relooking for !

Tintin: I'm looking for answers,...Mr.Sakharine.

Sakharine: You're looking in the wrong place. ...It's late! I think you should go home, young man ! Nestor! Take him home!

The butler named Nestor met Tintin at the door and said, "It's too bad, sir... That the mast is broken on your model,sir... I hope you've found all the parts, things get lost so easily.

Sakharine called Nestor back, who finally greeted Tintin before closing the door.

A few minutes later, Tintin went home. He took the keys out of his pocket before he realized his door had been forced. When he entered his apartment, he discovered that all the rooms had been returned, but absolutely nothing was missing. Meanwhile, it was clear that this burglar was looking for something specific, but what?

Suddenly, Tintin saw a light under one of the pieces of furniture, especially the one where he had put the caravel down a few hours earlier. He went down to look, and found a small cylindrical silver-colored object. Inside it was a scroll :

Tintin returned to his office to examine what he had just found.

Then he read the manuscript:

"Three brothers joined , three Unicorns in company sailing in the noonday sun will speak. For'tis from the light will dawn. And then shines forh the Eagle's cross. »

Just after the message, strange signs were written.

Tintin doesn't really understand the meaning of all this:

I don't understand what it is. But it explains why they ransacked my apartment. He must have been looking for this, and they didn't find it. Which means...they'll be back...

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, the concierge went to see who it could be at this hour. Going down the stairs, Tintin recognized the voice of the man he had met in the flee market : the "American". He told Mrs. Pinson that he would take care of it.

The man called out to Tintin: My boy, is that you?

Tintin: What do you want?

The man:Listen, I won't tell you everything, but I swear to God, I never thought he would kill for that !

Tintin: Who? Who are you talking about?

Man: I'm trying to tell you that your life is in danger!

Tintin: Answer me, WHO?

The man didn't have time to answer because suddenly he was shot. He collapsed in the hall of the building with just enough time to leave a clue. With his blood, the man had indicated several letters that made up the word: "K-A-R-A-B-O-U-D-J-A-N."

The next morning, Tintin received the Dupondt for the investigation. The man who had been targeted was called Barnabé Dawes, and he was a very high-ranking Interpol inspector. The Dupondt retrieved the newspaper for evidence and left. Tintin walked them to the door. He stepped out for a moment to say goodbye to the Dupondt as they left. He didn't notice that a man had just stolen his wallet, in which the scroll was. Indeed, earlier in the morning, the Dupondt told Tintin that they were on the trail of a pickpocket who had been raiding the city and its surroundings for several weeks.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Meanwhile, on the boat Karaboudjan...

The ship's captain, Kathrynn Haddock, was busy making an inventory of the goods on the ship, when suddenly one of her "crewmen" injected her with a syringe of a powerful soporific. It was Tom, one of the ship's employees, under the command of a certain Sakharine.

Sakharine had become an intruder on the boat. And now that the captain was out of harm's way, he could take complete control of the ship. Kathrynn found herself trapped in her own boat, in her own holds.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Meanwhile, while Tintin was quietlywatching the Dupondt leave, he was stopped by two so-called "deliverymen"... who immediately applied a chloroform swab under hisnose. The two men loaded him into a crate and drove him to Karaboudjan.

Tintin woke up chained to a cage. Hesoon realized that his pockets were being searched.

Sakharine arrived in the hold andexclaimed:

Tom, Alllan! Have you found it ?

Allan said, He doesn't have it !

Sakharine : If it it is not here, then where is it ?

Tintin, barely awake, answered: Where iswhat?

Sakharine : The scroll from The Unicorn, apiece of paper like this !

Tintin: You mean the poem ?

Sakharine : Yes...

Tintin: The calligraphic poem ?

Sakharine : Yes...

Tintin : Who was in a cylinder ?

Sakharine: Yes !

Tintin : Concealed in the mast?

Sakharine : YES!

Tintin smiled a little and said: Idon't have it !

Sakharine went into a black anger.

He brandished the sword he had hiddenin his cane and threatened Tintin.

You know the value of this scroll,otherwise why would you want it?

Tintin: Two caravels, and two scrollsforming part of an enigma, you have one, you need the other, butthat's not it, there's something else...

Sakharine: I'll find it with orwithout your help. I advise you to think about how useful you are to me...

Sakharine and her henchmen are on theirway back.

We'll deal with him on the way, he says.

By the time Sakharine reached thebridge, he was angrier than ever.

Ah! He's lying, he must have thatmanuscript, the question is what did he do with it ?

Allan : We searched it thoroughly, boss!

Sakharine : I want you to go down there and makehim talk, break every bone in his body if you have to!

Another henchman of Sakharin's cameshouting:

Mr Sakharine, Mr Sakharine, the Captainhas come to her senses, she's conscious and accuses us of mutiny. Shesays you turned the crew against her!

Sakharine : Well, don't just stand there, give hera shot!

Yes, Boss, they say.

Allan and Tom went back to interrogateTintin, who unfortunately had no means of escape.

Well, this time, you're going to tellus where the scroll is ! Said Allan.

Tintin: I've already told you that Idon't have it.

Allan: All right! We'll have fun then!Tom, you joining the party?

Of course, he said, closing hisstitches.

Allan took Tintin's hair to hold hishead and started kicking him in the stomach.

*Cough*... Tintin spat blood.

After a few minutes, Allan pulled out agun to try to get something from Tintin. But it was more to scare himthan anything else, because Sakharine hadn't ordered to kill him inany way.

Allan : You're going to tell us where thescroll is, or else you can say goodbye to your life !

He placed the gun to his temple.

Obviously, Tintin didn't say a word. Helooked at them scornfully and mockingly.

Allan, very upset by the situation,kicked him in the face, then continued with a punch. He then grabbedTintin's collar. And looked him in the eyes.

Allan : You should tell us, becausewe're really going to end up killing you if you don't.

Tintin, about to faint, tried to say afew words.

Allan: What ? I can't understand whatyou're saying ! (Allan didn't realize that Tintin had actually calledthem idiots.)

And with those words he hit him again.This time, his body couldn't resist anymore, Tintin fainted.

Allan : We won't get anything out ofhim now.

Tom: Yeah, let's go tell the boss! And,it's not going to be a party... He hasn't told us a thing...

When they arrived in Sakharine's cabin, Allan and Tom told him that Tintin hadn't confessed to anything aboutthe parchment's hiding place. And, of course, Sakharine became furious:

I told you to make him talk, not to make him sleep! We're wasting precious time while this kid "rests"...In the meantime, go about your business as a sailor. And, Tom, beforeyou do that, you'd better check that Haddock is all right. I don'twant her to find out about our shenanigans. It's much too early forthat now. She mustn't find out. It'll make revenge all the sweeter. He said, rubbing his hands together.

Next on another post ^^