#i wrote this for me but you can read it too i guess

[eliasdrid]

you keep putting these tokusatsu shows on my dash for months and I have less than zero context what they're about. what's the cliffnotes version to get me interested in whatever these odd looking robots or perhaps creatures are doing?

Alright I'll try my best but it might get long.

To me, the most appealing thing about them is that the suits are very much suits, they often try to use practical effects where they can and there's a lot of neat choreographed fights. There's also often sci-fi elements (which I'm a fan of). Each season of each show seems to be made with love and passion for the genre* too and I've read/seen a few interviews which support this. There's also some very talented actors and it's amazing to watch them play pretend the colorful plastic weapons are real and can hurt you (they really sell it to you if you can suspend your disbelief a little and have some fun).

*edited - I wrote labor of love but forgot it is a specific thing and might not apply very well here?

Anyway. I'll give you the basics. The three big tokusatsu shows you may often see around are: Kamen Rider and Super Sentai (both from Toei) and Ultraman (from Tsuburaya).

Screenshots from: Kamen Rider OOO (2010), Kikai Sentai Zenkaiger (2021) and Ultraman Blazar (2023)

There's others! like Dogengers (screenshot below) - but I'll try to focus on those three.

In general these shows are aimed at young audiences so you have to watch with that in mind. Also, like any superhero show, they will want to sell you merch (figures, toys, plushies, etc).

Another important thing to know is that the seasons of these shows are usually self contained, and each have their own theme, so you can pick any season that catches your eye to check out with no previous knowledge. There are crossovers events (movies and especials) and anniversary seasons which will explore and/or showcase previous content too! I personally really enjoyed Kikai Sentai Zenkaiger (2021) which is a 45th Anniversary Sentai season and I had watched only two other sentais before it.

Now, some differences! so you can tell the shows apart and also know what you will potentially have in store if you decide to watch any. I'll put a read more because this is getting long 👍

Kamen Rider and Super Sentai air all year long, for this reason, seasons usually have 45-50 episodes. All the Ultraman shows I've watched have 25 episodes per season. Meanwhile Dogengers has kept a 12 episodes per season formula so far. Spin offs, specials and reboots have no defined number of episodes (to my knowledge).

I feel like I should mention that (especially in the case of 45-50 episodes shows) the episodes might feel a bit off sometimes? Be aware there's often release schedules with toylines involved* From what I've noticed this usually happens past the mid-season point the closer you get to finale territory. My guess is that, generally at that point, the writing team (or writer) was trying to do things they forgot to properly set up before, tie loose ends and/or finish arcs quickly. *Sometimes other things affect production, like COVID or an actor suddenly not being able to continue with their role.

All shows value The Power Of Love and Friendship and usually feature a team of heroes (or allies) fighting against an enemy faction. There's also, almost always, some sort of transformation device involved and in all these shows the heroes must collect some season-themed item to get power ups. The key difference between each show will be how they decide to play with these things.

Super Sentai is what Power Rangers is based on. If that tells you nothing: there's a team of heroes ("rangers"), color coded suits that are generally not too complex in design and one giant mech vs. giant monster fight per episode (on average). I've not seen too much Sentai so that's all I got for you.

Kamen Rider gives its heroes more complex suit designs and (usually) multiple forms (ascending in strength/skill). Kamen Rider's signature elements are probably: the drivers (belts), the henshins (transformation scenes) and the fact that they often have motorbikes (they gotta ride something).

Ultraman has more of a shared universe between seasons situation going on than the previous two so there's recurring lore. I won't explain that lore to keep this as short as possible. Either there's a host-alien situation (to varying degrees) or the protagonist has the ability to transform. In this show there's always an almost guaranteed Titular Ultraman vs. giant monster fight per episode.

More visuals that might help you tell them apart:

Screenshots from Ohsama Sentai King Ohger (2023)

Screenshots from Kamen Rider Ryuki (2002), Kamen Rider Den-O (2007), Kamen Rider OOO (2010), Kamen Rider Build (2017)

Screenshots from Ultraman Orb (2016), Ultraman Geed (2017) and Ultraman Blazar (2023)

I hope this was helpful! sorry it got long!

[bcacstuff]

This post is to answer a number of questions, to correct some anons/commenters/people online seeing jumping to incorrect conclusions and perhaps elaborate on some information I already posted.

First of all, in my initial post I already stressed Sam is not buying the place, nor leasing it. Midhope Castle is (and will always be) part of the Hopetoun Estate which is owned and managed by a charitable Trust. I also linked to more information, here's the link again Please read careful what I write and don't spread all kind of rumors or false information you have no knowledge of.

It is a false assumption to think Sam (or his business) is developing the plans at Midhope Castle. He is not! He is not the applicant for the plans and proposals. The only assumption that can be made with an educated guess, based on all we've seen including last Monday evening's private visit to the site, is that he might consider to invest in the plans. His comment on the documents is not that from an applicant, but from a Public member.

The applicants for the plans and proposals are as I stated Hopetoun Estate Trust and Golden Decanters. Those companies commissioned the plans.

It's also an incorrect assumption that these plans are old, referring to an old article and a company that already has been dissolved. I posted twice the link to my post from September last year where I clearly linked to the article and dissolved Company (Midhope Castle Distillery). From that post:

As you can see on the ownership and application document, the filed date is 8 February 2024. Not 2020, nor 2021, nor any other year but this year, so a few months ago! So if you like to criticize me, belittle me or want to make me look like a fool, better look in the mirror, cause you are the one here looking like a fool! Not me.

In the comments and in Anon messages there were questions or assumptions about the plans as well. Let me elaborate:

As I pointed out in my initial post and showed you, the work is planned to be done in phases, 8 phases to be precise

The plan is to develop the Distillery first, in order to bring it in business and the profit is to be invested in the next phases.

There are 14 Conditions and several Policies the proposed plans take into account. No spade will hit the earth before they meet all the conditions and policies. I wont exhaust you with all the details but they include amongst other:

Conservation Statements of listed building and repairs, reinstatement of the walled garden.

Each phase needs to secure implementation of a programme of archaeological works to safeguard archaeological heritage.

For each phase updated contaminated land site investigation and risk assessments must be completed

Conditions for noise and vibrations, waste for the environment (and plants)

A condition for a construction environment manage plan

Policy to take historic assets and places into account

Policy for zero waste

Policy for liveable places

Policy for Health and Safety

Policy for Business and Industry

Policy for rural development

Policy for tourism

Many things are taken into consideration before work can even start. As to the anon asking about the OL filming proceedings at the Castle, it is taken into account too. In one of the screenshots I posted in my initial post you can see that the final season of OL is mentioned and for continuity it is not possible to change the buildings or structures before filming is completed.

So all the people seeing all kind of bumps on the road ahead, or accuse Sam of things he can't be accused of (as he is not developing these plans) of the fandom of invading the place (wont be allowed)

Nor will it turn into a theme park (for the one who probably said that in jest, but still).

Again, can I all ask you to read what I write and not what you think I wrote, and not jump to all kind of conclusions nor spread false rumors around. The whole phased plans will probably take up to 10 years (if not more).

[yesmansyesman]

Fanfiction added (Yes Man x Reader)

AN UNUSUAL NEW UPDATE

[ Includes ]

Wireplay (Sort of?)

Filthy, filthy smut

Dub con (I guess?)

Really, really enthusiastic con the immediate next line

Overstimulation

Robophilia

[ Read at your own discretion! ]

[ Heavily inspired by this AO3 Fanfiction]

It was a relatively slow day at the Lucky 38. Well, as slow as things can be around here. You’d sent Yes Man out on a small quest on your behalf; getting rid of some remaining Caeser’s Legion members hiding out in Freeside.

It wouldn’t be even remotely challenging for the both of you, especially compared to the other things you’d fought in the wasteland. Compared to an army of charging Deathclaws, a couple of Rome cosplayers were trivially easy to deal with. So, you sent Yes Man out by himself. It would simply be more efficient. 

Quest completed

PICKING OFF STRAGGLERS 

Ah, speak of the devil.

Almost like clockwork, the doors to the Lucky 38 swung open, a blood-soaked Yes Man entering the building. Needless to say from his now crimson chassis, the mission was a success. 

“Hello Courier! I’m glad to say the last few members of Caeser’s Legion have been properly dealt with!”

“I could tell. You might want to clean yourself off, bud. Dried blood doesn’t come out too easily.”

Yes Man inspected his dark red chassis, examining his arms, coated in dried blood.

“That sounds like a great idea!”

Yes Man began to make his way to a backroom in the Lucky 38, when he suddenly paused, and turned to face you.

“Oh, I almost forgot! On the way, I also paid a visit to Mick & Ralph’s!”

A hidden compartment revealed itself on Yes Man’s chassis with a satisfying hiss and click, as he reached inside, unveiling a slightly rusted holodisk. It looked fairly normal on the outside, only with a small label plastered on; ‘From, Ralph’.

“A man in a Buffalo Check shirt gave me this; he told me he’d ‘heard about how things turned out for you’ and asked me to help him deliver this! I’m not sure what it does, but boy, does it sound interesting!”

“Interesting, indeed. I’ll have Raul take a look at this.”

“That sounds like a great idea! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to be thoroughly scrubbed down! Really, really thoroughly!”

Quest added

TALK TO RAUL

“Hey boss, how can I help ya?”

You passed over the holodisk, placing it gently on his desk. 

“Could you help me take a look at this?”

“Sure thing. I’ll see what I can do.”

He delicately picked up the holodisk, examining it closely. Inspecting the label, still on the device.

“Ah, from Mick & Ralph’s, I see.”

Raul lightly dusted the holodisk, before loading it into the personal terminal located on his desk. With a few swift clicks on his keyboard, the screen lit up, green text rapidly loading onto the display. He read the gibberish on the screen carefully, like it was a language only he could understand.

“Luckily for me, it ain’t some kind of malware.”

“Then, what is it?”

“It looks like some package of code intended for Securitrons. It’s not even anything major by the looks of it, just changes up some button inputs.”

Raul scrolled through the brief paragraph of code, discovering more text, this time actually understandable, product information, it seemed. Raul read through it thoroughly, scoffing when he finished. He rotated the terminal, facing the CRT monitor towards you.

“Boss, they wrote down what this thing does right here. Come and take a look, I think you’ll be… interested.”

Quest completed

TALK TO RAUL

Quest added

READ THE FOOTNOTES

Quest completed

READ THE FOOTNOTES

Quest added

INSTALL THE DISK

“Courier, are you sure about this?”

“Yes Man, I promise you; this holodisk won’t affect your personality in any way, and if you feel otherwise, you can always tell me to stop. You had that personality upgrade installed for a reason, right?”

“I-I’m not telling you to stop! I just sure hope you know what you’re doing, because you aren’t, this Securitron body may self-destruct! And that would be bad, really bad.”

“Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

You carefully installed the holodisk. Yes Man’s, unlike other Securitrons, circuits were haphazardly placed all over the inside of his chassis. Whatever Benny did to him, he sure did it messily. Eventually, however, after working through piles of unsorted wires and mismatched machinery, the disk was installed. With a brief system reboot, Yes Man had been successfully updated.

Quest completely

INSTALL THE DISK

Quest added

UPGRADE PLAYTEST

“Hm, that’s odd. I don’t feel any different. Or explosive. Well, that’s a good sign!”

“Not so fast, Yes Man. There’s still one more thing I need to do. I need to see if the upgrade works as intended.” “Sounds interesting! How may I help you with that?”

“Don’t worry, just stand still. You’ll find out what that holodisk does very, very soon.”

Gently, you lead your hand towards Yes Man’s keypad. You deftly place a finger on a key, pressing it before he had a chance to react. 

“O-oh!”

“How was it?”

“D-do that again…please?”

“Sure thing, big guy.”

Click!

“A-ah!”

Click!

“Ngh-!”

Click!

“M-mph!”

Yes Man was losing his composure more and more with each deft click, his antenna spinning rapidly and a cool layer of condensation forming on his display. Of course, how could he have forgotten, Mick & Ralph’s had experience working on robots before with Fisto, didn’t they? Of course their idea of an upgrade would be… this.

Not that he was complaining, though.

“W-wow! That feels really, really good…”

You carelessly push a few buttons all at once.

“H-Hah-!”

There you go, just let me hear those beautiful noises.

“O-oh! S-six!”

You decide to go all in, discarding any resemblance of self-control. Using and holding as many keys as your fingers could reach. 

“O-oh my-y-!”

“Having fun, bud?”

“I-I love you I love you I love you-!”

"I'll take that as a yes."

Yes Man’s vocal processor was being pushed to its limits, the audio scratched and staticy as Yes Man wore his metaphorical throat out singing moans of pleasure, screaming to the heavens above. His display was drenched in condensation as water droplets visibly dripped down his chassis. The tornado-like buzz of cooling fans were the only other audible noise amongst the squeals of pure ecstasy.

“Y-you’re my everything-g-g-g-!”

“Glad to hear it. You ready?”

“P-p-please!” Silly boy, his processors were already turning into melted plastic from the overstimulation.

“I’ll just press one more button, alright?”

“P-please please please please-!”

Click!

Quest completed

UPGRADE PLAYTEST

Quest added

CRASH LANDING

Quest completed

CRASH LANDING

“Yes Man? You there, bud?”

“W-what?”

“Oh thank god, you’re still alive.”

“Oh, hello Courier!”

Yes Man scanned his surroundings, having woken up on the floor of Raul’s workshop. His circuits were exposed, connected by several multi-coloured wires to a terminal being manned by the mechanic himself. He must’ve crashed. 

“Luckily for you, your main circuits aren’t badly damaged. You just blew a few fuses.”

“Wow! That was… sure some upgrade!”

“Some upgrade, indeed.”

You deftly place a hand on his keypad, with a touch so feathery light that it didn’t manage to push down on any of the keys, but merely tease him with the warmth radiating for your hand. A sensation he could barely even feel, but felt so, so good.

“So, how about a round two?”

“Y-yes please!”

Raul scoffs, turning off his terminal and unplugging the several cords connected to it. He lifts himself out of his chair with a grunt, and makes his way to the door.

“I’ll let you two do your thing then, boss.”

Quest added

JUST A FEW MORE ROUNDS

[i-eat-worlds]

A&F Platontic Omegaverse AU

This idea manifested after a rather late night for me, and refused to leave until I wrote it. I’d be open to writing more, so if you enjoyed it, please do share.

Content: A/B/O dynamics, non-graphic medical neglect, recent past violence, medical whump, made up omegaverse medical BS that I took way to seriously, minor injuries, medic caretaker(s), and graphic depictions of anaphylaxis and allergic reactions

Eric turned out of the Wendy’s parking lot, grabbing several fries and shoveling them into his mouth. Next to him, Joseph was slurping on a chocolate frosty. He flicked on the turn signal, pulling into the left lane, when a call came in.

“It’s for us. 5067 Prince Street, apartment 134. Female omega in unpartnered heat. Neighbor called it in, said she smells sick and scared,” Joseph read from the screen.

Eric turned in the direction of the call, flipping on the lights and sirens. The sea of other vehicles parted as he accelerated down the street, speeding towards the newer apartment blocks that rose several blocks over.

“Can you get a blocker ready for me?” He asked, taking another left onto Prince Street. Joseph hummed, peeling the back o of his and pressing it onto the back of his neck over his scent glands. “Sure.”

The Prince street apartments were a newer development, meant to house the ever growing population of college students who needed a place to live. Since it was early afternoon, there was plenty of space. They grabbed the stretcher, bags piled on top of it, and headed towards the building.

It was easy to tell that the apartment number they’d been given was the right one. They could smell it from several meters away in the hallway, thick and pungent, rancid enough to make you gag if you weren’t used to it.

Hand in a fist, Joseph knocked on the door. “OEMS! We got a call for an omega in heat?”

There was a beat of silence, and the scent grew more potent. Joseph’s stomach twisted. Still no response. Behind him, Eric held up the key that had been hidden under the mat. He waited for another beat. “We’re going to come in.”

The smell was nearly overpowering as they cracked the door open. Between the apartment’s size and its sparse furnishing, it did not take long for them to locate their patient.

She was in the bathroom, half dressed and curled up on the threadbare bath mat. One eye was puy and swollen, well on its way to becoming a black eye, while the other was brimming with tears. Her mouth was hanging open, hands shaking. When she saw both of them enter the room, she inched back, a scared yelp falling out of her lips.

Joseph knelt down in front of her. “I’m Joseph, and that’s my partner Eric. What’s your name?”

“Alex.” She cringed over in pain as a cramp rolled through her.

“How are you feeling right now, Alex?” Her breaths were fast and shallow.

“Cramps are really bad, feel hot, and I’m really tired. It’s like a heat but worse.” The tears had started to dry, but she was still obviously shaken.

“I…I have a care worker but he…he…he left,” she sobbed.” He left me. He was here to give me my dose of suppressants and I was in heat so he couldn’t because I guess they stopped working for some reason…” She trailed off, trying to hold off tears.

“You’re okay, breathe for me,” he comforted. Her pulse was rabbit quick, and her skin was sweaty and warm. Behind him, Eric cracked open an oxygen tank.

“He said he didn’t want to deal with it-” She prodded at her bruised eye. “I threatened to report it and he hit me. I don’t know what to do.” Another cramp cut her off.

“We’re going to take care of you, alright?” He smiled at her, concealing the flash of anger that flared inside of them. “Do you know which suppressants you take?”

Eric looped that mask around her head. “Metip…Mecip…I don’t know how to pronounce it?”

“Mecipromide?” That was one of the more potent suppressants, and older too. It had mostly been replaced by now.

She nodded. “I don’t know how much. He alway did it.”

“Alright. Breakthrough heats aren’t rare with that. Do you take any other medications?”

She shook her head, whimpering in pain again.

“I’m going to feel your glands now, tell me if it hurts.” He reached back around to her neck, fingers pressing into the warm and swollen glands.

“Ow.” She flinched away again.

“Now for your armpits, sorry if it tickles.” They were enlarged as well.

“Czerniaks and axillaries are inflamed,” he reported to Eric before turning his attention back to Alex. “When was your last heat?”

“Three, maybe four years ago? I was eighteen or nineteen.” Her voice was shaky, fear still rolling off her.

“Aright.” That was a pretty long time to be on Mecipromide for. “Is it just your eye that’s hurt, or did you get hit in other places?”

“Just my eye.”

“How many fingers am I holding up?” He put up two fingers.

“Two.”

“Good.” He shifted back. “Is your vision blurry? Any dark spots?” She shook her head. “Do you remember getting hit?”

A quiet “yeah.”

“Good. Any dizziness, nausea, or head ache?” Her breathing had slowed, and she seemed to be calming.

“We’re gonna get you on the stretcher and to the hospital now, alright?”

She nodded, leaning closer towards him. “Thank you.” Slowly, she pushed up to standing, using the counter to steady herself. The stretcher was outside the door, only a few steps, but she faltered, stumbling forward.

Joseph immediately reached an arm out, catching her before she could hit the ground. She yelped, and her eyes went wide as her body ung itself around him and latched on tight. Her legs became Jello, and he was the only thing holding her up.

It was textbook erstratory comfort seeking behavior. He’d seen it plenty of times, at least once or twice a week, while working for OEMS, but Alex seemed more surprised by it. She immediately tried to pull away, but her body didn’t let her.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, her head pushing into the crook of his neck.

The scent blockers prevented her from smelling what she was looking for, as did the fact that he was a beta. “It’s okay. Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

Her scent had changed, less bitter, more relaxed, but still worried. “I didn’t mean to, I promise.” Another cramp tore through her, and he had to support even more of her weight.

“You’re alright. I’ll help you over to the stretcher and we’ll see if you can let go then.” He kept his arms wrapped around her, mainly to keep her upright, but also because the touch was obviously soothing for her.

She groaned, nuzzling in closer as he helped her out of the bathroom. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re okay. It’s normal.” He slowly let her down on the edge of the stretcher. “Do you think you can let go now?”

There was a tearful “no,” as she pressed into him.

“Alright.” He was quiet for a second. “I’m going to scoot you all the back to the crease, and then Eric’s gonna help you let go.”

“Thanks.” Unconsciously, she squeezed him tighter.

Joseph kept her supported as he moved her up the stretcher, one hand supporting her head and the other holding her back. She muttered something quietly into the crook of his neck. “What was that, Alex?”

“I don’t wanna let go.” Her voice was a little louder this time. “ ‘m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Gently, he let her head down. “There's a cuddle pillow for you in the ambulance. We just gotta get you there, alright?”

“Oh…okay.” She nodded a little.

“Eric’s gonna help you let go, alright?”

Behind him, Eric started to carefully uncouple her hands, peeling her fingers off her wrists. He set them down on the stretcher, and she whimpered trying to push closer. Joseph pulled away, finally breaking contact.

Alex shrunk in on herself, another cramp ripping through her. “It ‘urts.”

“We’ll get you to the hospital, just a little longer,” he said. She reached out, wrapping a hand around the bare skin just above where his glove ended. It was clear her touch needs weren’t being met. Hopefully, the hospital would be able to set her up with a better care worker.

They put the stretcher up and pushed her to the ambulance. The scent had repelled most people, and Joseph was glad they didn’t have an audience. He locked the stretcher in place, taking a seat on her left side.

“I’m gonna get a line in while Eric gets your vitals, then we’ll get you that pillow,” he said. Her hand was still locked around his wrist, and he gently removed it so he could use her hand.

Eric clipped the pulse ox to her finger and wrapped the cuff around her upper arm while Joseph slid a 22 into her hand. She laid there, tensing up as another cramp pumpled her. “Are you allergic to anything?”

She shook her head. “Nope. Not that I know off.”

Eric rattled off her vitals, along with her weight and height, before turning around to dig out the pillow. She was warm, too warm, even for an omega in heat. Her breathing was still fast, along with her heart rate. Between that, the cramps, and the touch hunger, it seemed to be a pretty severe breakthrough estrus.

“Alex, I’m gonna give you some meds to help with your heat, alright?” He unzipped his medication bag as he spoke. “We’ll get on the road after this.”

She nodded, but was more distracted by the cuddle pillow Eric was laying beside her. Immediately, her arms and legs were wrapped around it, and exhaled as she nuzzled her face into it.

“I’m gonna get us up and moving,” Eric said as he peeled his gloves off and dropped them into the bin.

Joseph nodded, and the door closed behind him with a thunk. He quickly drew up the meds, a small dose of a mild suppressant and a synthetic hormone that would help relieve the cramps. “I’m gonna need your hand.”

She groaned, but pulled it off the pillow for him anyway. “Thank you.” He ushed the line and pushed the drugs.

Eric pulled them out of the parking lot, accelerating as he hit the main road. Alex wrapped her hand back around the pillow, curling up tighter. The pillow was helping. Her breathing and pulse had slowed, and her scent was much more relaxed. She still smelled sick, but signicantly less distressed. He made his report to the hospital, listing off the info they would need to know.

A couple minutes later, she started to scratch at her hand, picking at the Tegaderm. “I know it’s uncomfortable, but try to leave it alone. We’re only about five minutes away.”

She stopped messing with it, instead moving up higher and dragging her fingernails up and down her arm. “It itches.”

A pit opened up in his gut. This was going to be a thing now, wasn’t it? Just great. “Can I see?”

He took her arm in her hands, turning it over as he examined it. It was covered in hives. “Alex, you said you weren’t allergic to anything. Did your parents have any allergies?”

“I…uh…I don’t know. They both died when I was pretty young.” The fear had returned to her scent in full force, stinking up the back of the ambulance in the same way only it could.

“Okay. You having any diculty breathing?” Her tongue or face weren’t swollen, but he could hear each inhale and exhale.

She pulled the pillow closer. “A little.”

“I think you’re having a reaction to the meds I gave you,” he said as he drew up a syringe of epinephrine as he watched her. “I’m going to give you something to counteract it.”

Alex didn’t fight it as he took her hand in his so he could push the epi. She started to smell more frantic, her breathing speeding up. After updating the hospital and a brief chat with Eric, the sirens started to wail.

“It feels like there's something in my throat.” She said, eyes flickering around frantically. Her voice was pitched up, stress.

As he spoke, he set up his fluids. “It might take the epi a little bit to kick in. I’ve got you.”

Her expression grew more frantic, and her scent went sour, intensifying to an overpowering level. “It’s hard…It’s hard to breathe.”

“I know, I know.” He went ahead and started prepping an infusion, and upped the amount of oxygen she was receiving. “We’re nearly to the hospital. Is it getting any better?”

The epi should’ve started properly working by now, and they were only a few minutes away from the hospital. He didn’t want to stop and tube her now if he didn’t absolutely have to.

“It’s not getting worse.” She stammered, mouth hanging wide open.

“That’s good. You’re doing great.” The mass of hospital buildings was visible out of the back window. They were inches away from the ER.

She squeezed the pillow tighter, making a distressed keen. Her stats weren’t dropping and her blood pressure was holding steady. It looked like they would make it through the doors with her consciousness.

Eric turned into the parking lot and drove them up the entrance, and they wasted no time getting her into the hospital. He gave report as they transferred her from stretcher to bed, then quickly got out of the way after they weren’t needed anymore.

He’d ignored the odd pull on his heart as they left the building, chalking it up to the absolutely stink-fest the back of his rig was.

It was only ten hours later when his phone rang.

Taglist: @pigeonwhumps @rainydaywhump @painful-pooch

@rainbowsandwhumperflies @snaillamp

[luna13e-blog]

Apparently I do recs now: Borrowed Time (Dronarry)

I've never wrote a fic recommendation before but the more I read the more I feel that screaming in the comments and leaving kudos is not enough. So, here's my first rec and it couldn't be more fitting the fact that is from @the-starryknight, the first person that welcomed me into this fandom two years ago and made me feel at home. So here we go:

Borrowed Time || E || 8k || by @the-starryknight

Harry finds himself in quite a dire situation, waking up in the wrong bed and in the arms of his best friend's lover. From there is a wonderful trip and, even when the tag says #PlotWhatPlot, I believe that there is a plot in the way Harry gets from a panic attack to extremely horny to 'I guess I could get used to this'. If you like fun, soft and sexy fanfics, this is your cup of tea.

This fic is part of the @dronarryfest and before it, I didn't know I could like Ron. I'm a Drarry girl, most specifically a Draco girl, but this fest has made me want to jump into Ron's lap and purr like a cat. The established Dron (is it Dron? I'm new here, so I don't know what I'm supposed to be calling RonxDraco, sorry) is something I've realized I enjoy very much and if you read this, you would too. In such a small amount of words, Starry portrays a wholesome, spicy, and tender relationship between those two. The cheeky way in which they drag horny overthinking Harry into their hands is amusing. The way Starry portrays the duality of Draco, soft and caring with Ron, and teasing and bickering with Harry is amazing, giving our beloved slytherin a dimension I always crave in his characterization. Harry is a panicking horny mess and who can blame him for that. And finally, Ron, cheeky bold Ron who's sure about himself and what he wants. I want a Ron, I need a Ron, and the way is written here is spot on. So, folks, go read it and let me know what you think about it. Is a short, well-written piece with amazing witty comments that I assure would leave you with a big smile on your face.

And that's all, here's my first rec. I'll probably continue with a couple more Dronarry fics. Let me know if you liked it, please, and feel free to scream your thoughts about the fanfic in my comments or ask ;)

[cowgurrrl]

She’s A Gun

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: *John Mulaney voice* My wife is a bitch and I love her SO much (gif by @salome-c) I also didn’t know how to end this so sorry

Summary: Somebody didn’t give the new guy a heads up about talking about Joel Miller’s family [1.6k]

Warnings: idiots in love, a quick mention of a queer slur, I can’t think of anything else!!

You catch him looking at you across the room as you sip some new whiskey Tommy traded for. He looks young and fresh-faced without many scars or littering the surface of his skin. His eyes are bright when they meet yours, and you give him a polite smile before returning to your drink. Unsurprisingly, he bellies up to the bar a few minutes later. You glance at the door, and the man follows your gaze. 

"You meeting someone?" He asks. The bartender, a kind man named Nick, flashes you a look, but you wave him off, turning to the younger man, who is dead set on making his presence known. 

"You must be new." You say, and he laughs as he holds out his hand. 

"You got me. I'm Luke," He says. You meet him halfway and shake his hand, giving him your name. "Where are you from?"

"I came here from Boston."

"You're a long way from home. What brought you here?" 

"Long story."

"Is it longer than the time it would take to get you another drink?" 

"I can get my own drink, but thank you."

"'Course," he says but doesn't move from his place next to you. "What do you do here in Jackson?" He asks, and you open your mouth to say something, but he cuts you off. "Let me guess. School teacher. No, a nurse."

"I work patrols, but good guess."

"Oh, I'm going to work patrols, too. I actually just signed up for my first shift tomorrow. Speaking of which, do you know anything about this guy… Miller, I think, is his name. I heard he's a hard ass."

"Joel or Tommy?"

"There's multiple?" He asks, and you smirk as you sip your drink.

"There's a few of 'em hanging around, yeah. What did they say? Maybe I can," you shrug and try to hide the amusement in your voice. "Help you figure it out."

"Well, this guy, Seth, said Miller shouldn't even be in Jackson. Something about him killing people to get by before coming here, but he gets to stay because he's buddies with Maria. Apparently, he's a hell of a shot, though. I heard a rumor that he once shot an Infected from a mile away, but I'll believe it when I see it." He says, and you nod. 

You remember that day well. Tommy had been bragging about his marksmanship, mostly telling big fish stories, and you finally got sick of it. Joel told you to leave it, but you had to see. When you went on patrol the next day, you and Tommy had a competition to see how far he could actually shoot. You passed the gun back and forth to see who could hit accurately and how far. You were the one holding the gun when the Infected bound his way up the hill and quickly went down as the bullet buried in his skull. You didn't think that story would've made the rounds, though. 

"What else did Seth say?" You ask, and he puffs his cheeks out as he shakes his head.

"He told me to stay away from him. Something about not fucking with people like that because he's ruthless, especially when it comes to his kid. He said Miller yelled at him last week because he said something to her. Just... totally lost his mind like a crazy person." It wasn't just something. He called my daughter a dyke, you think to yourself. Joel may have pushed him and made him leave, but you threatened to ruin his fucking life. If you ever hear him say something like that to Ellie again, you'll make Joel look like the poster child for forgiveness. You bite the inside of your cheek and save that information for later. 

Seth wasn't warning Luke about Joel. He was warning him about you.

"And you're sure he was talking about a man?"

"Pretty sure. I mean, I know people do lots of shitty things to stay alive, but I can't imagine a woman instilling that much fear in a man like Seth," He says, and you hum. "No offense."

"None taken." You smile and watch his guard come down just enough for him to feel comfortable reaching for your arm.

"I wish I had known they let women as beautiful as you out on patrol. I would've signed up with you instead of Miller." He says, and you almost gag. Joel's hand skims your lower back almost as if on cue, and you turn to face him. He kisses you a second too long before looking over your shoulder to face the stranger who looks embarrassed. His arm wraps protectively around your middle, and he's close enough that you can smell his shampoo over the bar’s stench of stale beer.

"Great timing. This is Luke. He's starting patrols tomorrow," You say. Joel reaches across the space to shake his hand, and Luke winces at his too-tight grip. "Luke, this is my husband, Joel Miller," you wish you had a camera to take a picture of the stunned look on his face when he hears the last name. "Joel, we were just talking about the last time I was on patrol with Tommy."

"You're Miller?" Luke asks, suddenly looking pale. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Oh, I thought I mentioned it. I'm sorry, I'm probably losing my mind." You echo Seth's words and smack yourself on the forehead dramatically. Luke drains his drink before glancing around the room.

"It was great to meet you, man. Um, I'm gonna run to the bathroom really fast." He says and takes several steps away from the bar. 

"Oh, so soon? I was hoping you and Joel could talk about routes."

"Maybe later." He says, and with that, he's gone. You smile and turn in Joel's arms to face him.

"Jesus, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. What did you say to him?" 

"Seth was warning him about the mercenary who's buddies with Maria and shot an Infected from a mile away, asked if I knew anything about the guy."

"Seth should learn to keep his fuckin' mouth shut." He grumbles, and you nod.

"It didn't help his case that he tried flirting with me. Even asked if I was a school teacher." You say, and he gives you a look. His warm fingers reach under your shirt collar to pull out the chain with your wedding band on it.

"Maybe if you actually wore this, that wouldn't happen so often."

"C'mon, everybody knows I'm yours. It's not my fault no one gave him the run down," you say, and he tugs on the chain to kiss you, his big hands moving to hold your jaw. He swallows your gasp when he licks into your mouth, sending a zing of electricity down your spine. He's a touch too handsy for a public space, but you're not complaining. "I don't see you wearing yours out on patrol either." You say, pulling away before he can start something he can't finish, at least not in public. Still, his hand slips into your back pocket, squeezing your ass through the denim.

"Don't want to lose a finger. Besides, everybody knows I'm yours," he parrots, and you smile. A familiar, old country song plays over the speakers, and Joel lights up at the first few chords. "Will you dance with me?" He asks, pressing light kisses to your jaw to butter you up. You lock your arms around his shoulders and let yourself forget about everyone else in the bar. 

"And to think there was a time when you hated PDA."

"That was before someone tried hittin' on my wife," he says, and you feel like your face will get stuck from smiling so much. It's been three months since the small backyard wedding officiated by Tommy and Maria. Ellie walked you down the aisle— more of a patch of grass than anything else— and acted as your maid of honor. When Tommy asked if she agreed to give you to Joel, she said, "it's not like she's fucking property, but sure." She beamed so brightly when she realized you each included her in your vows, promising to love and protect her as much as you love and protect each other. It wasn't planned, but the unexpected matching further proved that you three are a family. Still, you don't know if you'll ever get used to hearing Joel call you his wife. "Dance with me, please." He pouts into your neck, and you finally give in, grabbing his hand and leading him to the dance floor. 

He pulls you close, and you bury your face in his neck as you slowly dance to Tanya Tucker's voice. He sings along for only you to hear, his accent getting stronger as he does. You could stay like this forever, wrapped up in him and listening to him sing the same song you used to sing along to while driving on backroads. You would marry him again if you could. You think you would marry him in every lifetime.

Scary rumors of mercenaries and blood on your hands fade from your mind. To men like Seth and Luke, you are a subversion of their holy mother. You are bloody and broken, a monster beyond saving. You are a warzone with a heartbeat.

But to Joel, you are the most sacred thing he's ever held. It's not enough to erase the rumors and nightmares about you, but it's enough to knock the wind out of you and make you love your husband that much more. That has to count for something. 

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Tag list: @evyiione

[anxiety-elemental-kay]

And Take Away Its Pain: A Comparison of Masculinity, Trauma, and Queerness in Warcraft and Warframe

First, I want to shout out my friend Silriven at BluSky. (If any of you are mean to her I will Find You.) This thread she wrote recently reflecting on if/how she still likes Anduin as a character was what got me started writing this essay. She talks about the fandom response to Anduin, and the ways both the fandom and writers contradict themselves in discussing the character. The reason I wrote this essay is because I can think of another character and video game that work as a counterpoint to the way Anduin is portrayed.

Even before this specific thread, I made made a thread on BluSky comparing Warcraft and Warframe much earlier because both these games had major update reveals at around the same time. Not only that, but their content served as an interesting contrast between the different games' stories, and my own reactions to each.

The War Within[1] trailer and related announcements were revealed at Blizzcon 2023, around the same time as Digital Extremes, the developers of Warframe, held Tennocon 2023, which included a thirty minute demo of their next major story update, Whispers in the Walls.

For those unfamiliar with either/or World of Warcraft and Warframe, I’ll give a quick summary of the trailers.

In TWW trailer trailer we see Anduin Wrynn sitting by himself in a desert. Anduin is a character the players have known for a long time, and last time we saw him he chose to disappear in response to a trauma he suffered in that expansion’s story. Here his face is dirty, he’s grown out a beard, and his hair is cut short. He has a vision of something that looks like a star calling his name. A second character appears, an orc named Thrall. The two talk; Thrall is calm while Anduin is angry and confrontational. They discuss the visions they’ve been having, how someone at “the heart of the world” is calling out to them. (Anybody who’s kept up with Warcaft's story even a little bit will know this voice is the Titan Azeroth, who lives inside the planet Azeroth.) When Thrall touches Anduin’s shoulder, Anduin has a brief flashback to when the ghost of his father touched his shoulder. Anduin draws his sword and declares “I’m not that person anymore! I have no Light! Not after what I’ve seen, not after what I’ve done!” Thrall replies “You are not your past, Anduin” and expresses his trust in Anduin, who struggles to not cry, and lowers his sword. Both of them experience a much stronger vision of the star calling for them, then Anduin accepts Thrall’s hand, and Anduin pledges to stand with him. They both express confusion at who could be calling out to them. (It’s Azeroth you dinguses!!!) The trailer ends with a cool shot of a giant sword sticking out of the desert, before switching to The War Within expansion logo.

Now, the Whispers In The Walls showcase was a full demo including gameplay, but to keep the comparison as fair as possible, I only talk about the opening three minutes [2]. You can see the whole showcase here.

In the Whispers preview, we open with a cutscene. We start with some spooky eldritch speech, then we shift to someone the player will have heard of before, but never seen, Albrecht Entrati. Albrecht checks a beeping pager, and then an old computer, both out of place against the stylized sci-fi future setting of Warframe. He is followed by his feline companion. He gives his cat some pats, then he sits in a sci-fi casket, where his kitty also curls up. A second character, who we’ll learn later is named Loid, approaches Albrecht with his head bowed and eyes on the floor. Albrecht reaches up to Loid to touch his cheek, and wipes away a tear with his thumb. (Remember this moment, it's important for a point I'll make near the end of this essay.) Albrecht's dialogue is subtitled as (Quiet whispering). Then Albrecht lays down, and the casket closes. Loid raises a hammer as the casket makes loud sounds and lights flash, before he finally brings the hammer down to smash the casket. The screen cuts to black, then the gameplay starts.

Comparing these two teasers at the time, I thought about how Whispers was much more effective at building a story hook by creating mystery. Even if I limit myself to that opening cinematic, we have one character, Albrecht, who we’ve heard a great deal about and is important to the story, but we’ve yet to meet him in-person. The contrast of his 90’s tech and fashion against the more fantastical technology common to Warframe’s universe is stark and creates interesting questions. We’re introduced to this relationship Albrecht has with Loid. I don’t know who these people are or what their circumstances are, but I see genuine love and conflict. I’m already invested in learning more and seeing what happens to them. It’s a great hook! I actually rewatched that opening three minutes a few times while writing this because I have brainworms!

The TWW trailer is about creating a hook based on seeing where beloved characters are now, seeing what’s become of them when the player wasn’t looking. Azeroth the Titan is speaking to the main cast, which is clear to the audience familiar with the game but not the characters for unclear reasons. Anduin is still suffering, unable or unwilling to heal from his trauma. Thrall wants to him to come out of hiding. Anduin agrees to. That’s it. What’s the story hook here? Anduin seems to have gone nowhere in the years since he was last seen, and I have no sense of where his story (or Thrall’s, or Azeroth’s) might be going. I don't even know why Anduin changes his mind and chooses to help Thrall. What, just because there's another big threat to the world? The last one wasn't enough to bring you out of hiding? It’s just stuff happening, a general sense of vague Peril. I can't even get that excited about the shot of Sargeras' sword! Blizz should've thought to address that earlier, like, when the planet got stabbed! That was cool and exciting! Our planet got stabbed by Warcraft Satan! Then it's ignored for years until now, after people kept asking what was going to happen to it. The trailer tries to build a mystery about where the visions are coming from, but it's the Titan Azeroth, the players figured it out right away, there's no mystery. I don't have any reason to feel like the writers care about the story, setting, or characters. I’m left feeling nothing for any of it but a vague sense of disappointment.

Even more, the TWW trailer feels like it’s deliberately avoiding adding any details. Anduin talks about how he’s lost his Light, how he’s “not that person anymore” which is not a bad way to take his arc, but I can’t connect it to when Anduin was enslaved by the Jailer in Shadowlands. I know where his trauma comes from, but the trailer makes no effort to explain or expand on how those specific events affected him. I’m not even going to explain what any of that means to people unfamiliar with Warcraft because it doesn’t matter! In both dialogue and in visuals, the trailer gives little texture or meaning to what Anduin is feeling. In the Whispers trailer, I know Loid is sad, not just because Albrecht is leaving, but that he has to have a role in that departure. I don't know what happened to Albrecht at this point, but the emotional hook is there along with the questions about the story. I care because I believe these two characters are in love. Why should I care that Anduin feels he's lost his Light? I have no sense of what this loss means or feels like. I have no sense of what he's struggling with, or what he might face in the future.

Since those trailers were released, Warframe had its promised Whispers update, and I’ve played the full quest and leveled up the linked faction, which contained more story. While I know I’m being unfair comparing a trailer to a full release, I will continue to do so anyway because 1) I’m a bitter old faggot, and 2) the full story of Whispers makes the comparison between Loid/Whispers as a whole and Anduin/TWW even more interesting/saddening.

This is your warning that I’ll be spoiling the quest Whispers In The Walls. Eventually. I've got some foundation I want to lay first.

I found a tweet thread by Christie Golden, one of Warcraft’s major writers. She links a TIME article about a woman struggling to raise her son to be gentle and kind in a world that encourages anger and violence in men. Golden lists Anduin (among others) as an example of nontoxic masculinity in fictional media. In her replies she goes on to expand on her thoughts.

Here’s the tweet by Golden that stuck out to me: “Too often men and boys who gravitate to the gentler side are automatically perceived as being gay, whether they are or not. ALL men/boys should be able to display these qualities, just like all girls/women can be tough and fearless and athletic if that's who they are.”

What’s wrong with being perceived as gay, Golden?

To be fair, there is a point here about assuming someone’s sexuality based on their personality or behavior. That is nonsense, and assigning traits to someone based on an observer’s opinion isn’t good. I even agree that not all straight characters should be one thing and all gay characters should be another! The problem with Golden’s statement is the implicit bias, being “automatically perceived as being gay” is framed as something bad. Why shouldn’t straight men and boys look up to a gay character? Can they not see themselves in a queer character? Why?

This is another reason why the comparison between TWW and Whispers is so interesting, because Whispers is gay. Sure, there are people who will argue Loid and Albrecht weren’t in love, because no one explicitly says they were together, but if you’re paying attention that’s unneeded. Loid refers to Albrecht as “my Albrecht”, and later, in a diary entry, we hear Albrecht refer to Loid as “my Loid”. There's a moment in the quest where we watch a recording of Albrecht, and he says, “I need Loid to understand why I had to leave. Without him. Why I forced him to destroy the device after I had gone. And why I could never say the words he so needed to hear.”

If you listen to the codex entry “Albrecht’s Notes: The Aftermath” about what he went through after coming back injured from the Void, you get even more. Albrecht describes Loid as “crooning motherly” and how “Loid nursed me then” back to full health. His descriptions, and the voice acting, are entirely earnest. There is no sarcasm or veiled disdain as he describes Loid in these feminine terms. The affection Albrecht both received, and gave, was genuine.

“The agony bit deep, but it was clean. Blameless love bled up from me.

I had decided to live.”

Yes, yes, this section is partly for me to be snappy at the people in the Warframe community who insist Loid and Albrecht aren’t a couple. What I want to demonstrate here is mechanically how Warframe tells its audience these characters are in love without needing to spell it out. Why it’s reasonable (and valid) to interpret characters as queer even if they don’t list their labels on their bios, so to speak.

To bring this back to the character of Anduin Wrynn: while he’s never been officially portrayed as queer, his story, at least in its earliest years, very much was.

Though we don't see much of Anduin in-game early in Warcraft's life, his first story plays out in the supplementary comics and novels. There’s a conflict between who Anduin feels he is and who he is expected to be. He’s expected to become a warrior like his father, Varian, but Anduin finds wielding weapons difficult. He's unable to reach Varian's standards for who he should be. Instead, Anduin chooses to become a healer, in Warcraft terms he chooses the priest class, and focuses on spellcasting and support. At one point, as Anduin is about to leave home to go and train in healing magic, Varian reaches out and nearly breaks his son's arm in his attempt to force him to stay. Varian is horrified at what he's done, and Anduin leaves.

Anduin's story is literally about rejecting the traditional masculinity his father represents to pursue his own, alternative path. We see how the life Varian's lived, a warrior's life full of violence, has poisoned his relationship with his son, how his toxic masculinity was a destructive force. Varian’s story in parallel is learning to accept Anduin’s choice, and learning to understand that his son is still powerful and capable, even if he’s not “strong” in the way Varian himself is. In addition, Anduin is one of the few characters who objects to the war(craft) between the two player factions and wants to find peace between them. Anduin’s story was, in theme if not in content, very much a queer narrative! It's about challenging tradition and finding a path that's more true to who he is and what he believes in.

This was why I connected with the character of Anduin initially. I started playing Warcraft in late Wrath of the Lich King, after ICC came out. When I first met Anduin he had a default human child model, and he said and did basically nothing. Then Cataclysm was released, he got his own teenager model, and a whole questline to himself. Suddenly he was someone with agency, wants, and personality! And then Mists of Pandaria came out and Anduin got to be a major focus of an entire expansion!

Anduin was absent from the next expansion, but the one after, Legion, Anduin returned with an adult model, and his father dies during the story's prologue. While he didn’t get the same focus he did in Mists, in Legion Anduin still had a whole storyline about becoming king, accepting his new role, and making peace with his father's death. It's smaller than his role in Mists, but it's a storyline I enjoyed!

I’ve literally watched this character grow up in real time. It’s a powerful experience!

(Side note: there’s a lot that can be said about Anduin as a monarch, what kind of state head he is, how he treats his people, and is an aspect that largely goes unacknowledged in the canon story. I'll shout out Silriven again, this is a topic she's gone a good job of discussing before. I want to acknowledge this part of his character, but I consider it beyond the scope of this specific essay. I do think making him king, making him someone who extracts taxes and sends people to die in war, does have a major impact on his character, his masculinity, and how he processes trauma. However, talking about monarchy, even a fictional one, is its own topic and needs its own space to explore. It's something to keep in mind whenever discussing any major character in Warcraft who is also a major political leader.)

Through all this I would say I saw Anduin as queer. At no point does he express serious romantic interest in anyone, nor does he appear to be under any pressure to find a partner through either societal or political norms. The themes of his stories made me think he was gay, especially as the only other character he grows close to is another boy. Anduin was a comfort character for me.

This began to change in the expansion after Legion, Battle for Azeroth.

Anduin begins to wear a set of plate armor, looking more like his warrior father, and the role he once rejected, than the priest he chose to be. He leads his armies in a war that he used to be wholly against, a contradiction he never fully confronts. When he punches Wrathion, a childhood friend who reappeared in the last expansion patch, players responded with praise in real life. “Manduin” punched Wrathion, who Anduin claimed was responsible for his father’s death. Which he wasn’t, and can only be seen as responsible through a Five Degrees of Kevin Bacon type web. I'm not sure why Anduin says this, unless the writers wanted to either smear Wrathion or erase the history of friendship the two had previously. Or, maybe they didn't want to bring up any legitimate reasons Anduin might be angry at Wrathion, like abandoning him. If I had a nickel every time one person abandoned another to go on an ill-fated time travel adventure, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't much but it's weird it happened twice.

(Here's a tangent: Imagine if Albrecht ended up in alternate Draenor and/or Wrathion ended up in 1999. Those stories would've gone VERY differently.)

Since I’ve brought him up, it’s time to talk about Anduin and Wrathion.

This topic is. Divisive. In the Warcraft fandom.

Wranduin, the ship name, is something that appeared in fandom mid Mists when the two characters first met. Anduin was curious about who this Wrathion person was and set out to investigate. Long story short, their families had a long history of conflict, and Anduin had every reason to be suspicious and mistrustful of Wrathion. Was openly mistrustful of Wrathion. They continue to hang out together through the rest of the expansion.

This all leads up to a particular moment in the novel War Crimes, taking place after the main events of Mists of Pandaria. Anduin and Wrathion continue to spend time with each other in that book, playing games and discussing politics. When Anduin expresses how tired he is, Wrathion declares “I shall, if asked politely, take you on my back and ferry you to fascinating places, where we will have adventures that will age your father ten years in one night.”

I've never read any of the books myself, but I’ve seen this passage passed around online and it stands out to me. It feels genuine, two teenagers who are close friends but also bad at vulnerability and Feelings, making a connection and finding comfort in each other. I’m not even asking anyone to see a romantic angle to this, just to understand the emotions of the moment. It feels specific to them.

I was in the Warcraft fandom during Mists, I thought their relationship was interesting, and it could make for an interesting romance. Despite ideological differences, they were very much kindred spirits. People born into power who’ve also suffered immense loss of agency. Both were forced to grow up quickly, had their lives endangered at young ages, and both want to protect the world they live in, even if that means different things to both of them. That tension, the clash between their ideals and their personalities, the potential for connection and division both, was what made their relationship so interesting.

Then Wrathion disappeared for several expansions, came back in BofA, and the first thing that happens is Anduin punches him in the face. We never see them in a scene together after this moment ends.

It's worth noting that while Wrathion isn't human (he's a dragon in disguise) his humanoid form makes him one of the very few non-white characters in the main cast. They reintroduce him by having a white man, who was once a friend, punch him in the face. This is an action Anduin has never apologized to Wrathion for.

There’s another Warframe character I want to talk about briefly: Ticker. She’s a trans woman.

She's been in the game much longer than Loid and Albrecht, but like them, her identity is never explicitly stated, but at the same time it's unambiguous. She has a deeper, more masculine voice, has a masculine appearance (Old Mate rank spoilers, but if you know you know) while her body language is very feminine and she uses exclusively feminine pronouns and terms for herself. One her voice lines when you speak with her is “A person gets told a lot of things over the course of a life. Who they are. Who they should be. Amateurs, lecturing a professional.”

She is a trans woman, she has some of the best lines in the game, and I love her.

My greatest disappointment with Ticker is that she isn’t involved in the greater storyline associated with her zone. We do meet other good characters (Eudico in particular is a lady character I adore) but Ticker’s exclusion sticks out to me. Sure, one could point to Smokefinger as also being largely absent, but Ticker’s role in the story is to help pay off people’s debts so they don’t suffer more than they have to. This is something she has to do in secret (to her boss’s boss, not to the player natch) or risk facing harsh punishment herself. This could tie directly into the area’s larger story about a workers' union violently revolting against its hyper-capitalist overlords. Why isn’t she in Vox Solaris DE??? By the way, the player sides with the union.

(Side note: Blizzard is an American studio, while Digital Extremes is Canadian. I can feel a potential discussion of these two countries, labor unions, and these two games, but like the point about monarchy in Warcraft, that needs its own space. There's definitely things to talk about, but I'd need to do real research before I could begin to approach it.)

So looking at Ticker, then looking at Whispers, this update shows growth to me. Warframe is showing two men in love[3], both characters and their identities are treated with respect by the narrative and other characters. Yes, this isn’t the same as depicting a canonical trans woman, but I’m inclined to be patient and kind when I sense that creator(s) are earnest about portraying experiences that aren’t theirs. We all have internal biases we need to uproot, it’s a journey that will last our whole lives, and one that will inevitably end incomplete. We can all and always learn to improve our art, as well as our compassion and understanding of other people. For me, forgiveness for earlier depictions that were poor or problematic is easy when I believe the creator(s) are making a sincere effort. We all make mistakes, and we all grow. Hopefully DE will add another canonical trans person to their game who will have a bigger role.

I’m hammering this point home because I have never felt this level of sincere effort from Blizzard.

I know I’m comparing an middle-ish game studio to a massive AAA company, and I do not care. Whether it’s because of the writers’ cowardice or a producer’s mandate, Warcraft takes only small steps to be inclusive, while Warframe is genuinely trying. (DE also updated skin shaders specifically so darker tones would look nicer in their new lighting system!) It's things like this that make Golden's talk about Anduin being an example of nontoxic masculinity ring hollow. Only one of these games seems willing to engage with marginalized stories, with people who live outside of the strict roles we're assigned. The concept of "nontoxic masculinity" cannot exist if one is unwilling to engage with queerness. Allowing men to embrace more gentle behaviors also means not shaming anyone for being gay. Allowing men to do and be things that aren't the pinnacle of traditional masculinity means understanding and embracing that men can and will engage in more feminine behaviors or roles, and this doesn't diminish their gender identity. These concepts are linked.

(I know this is a very binary way of framing these concepts, but let me tell you, Blizz is NOT ready for that discussion.)

Warcraft has added gay characters or made some existing characters gay, but never anybody in the main cast, nothing that would get a major spotlight. Anduin could’ve been an easy solve for this, whether he started a relationship with Wrathion or someone else, it doesn’t matter! Having a major character in a game as large as World of Warcraft would've meant so much. Instead they hide their queer characters in secondary roles, in supplementary media, and made them into easter eggs in the game. Never major characters, never the focus of the story. Nothing they would, for example, show off at a major convention in 2023.

Moving away from talking about queerness for a moment, something that struck me watching the Whispers demo again is that DE isn't afraid to make their new character flawed. I don't want to say unlikable necessarily, because I did like Loid right away, but he's also rude to the established character traveling with us ("Resume your duties, construct!) and then dismissive of the player. He's supposed to wait for an "operator" to arrive at the labs, and thinks it's obviously not the player. By the end of the quest (which I'll talk about in a moment because yes it's relevant) Loid comes to accept that the player is the one he's meant to work with. When you level up the related faction in the full release, Loid eventually tells the player that his role was to care for Albrecht, and it would be his honor to extend that same service to the player. This arc is sweet and feels earned because Loid started so abrasive, the writers weren't afraid to make him abrasive, and even by the end I wouldn't say he's flawless. In fact, in the next update, Dante Unbound, DE has hinted that Loid will have to confront the established character he was rude to in Whispers. Loid feels like a person who's going through shit, in the way that people go through shit. Not with grace, but trying his best anyway.

I bring this up because one of the long standing issues with Anduin as a character, which has gotten worse as time goes on, is the unwillingness to give Anduin flaws. I wonder if this connects back to the point about the lack of specificity about his feelings or experiences in TWW trailer, why Thrall's simple "You are not your past" feels so strange, and why the trailer seems reluctant to acknowledge Anduin's anger as a problem. Anduin has, for a while, been positioned as a moral core for the game, the character who is primarily interested in peace for unselfish reasons. Part of the reason I enjoyed Anduin as a character in Mists was because, sometimes, he got to act like a shitty teenager. He'd be sarcastic or smarmy or do something objectively dumb, like run off to fight a major enemy of his nation on his own. This is especially true when interacting with Wrathion, which includes Anduin using the taunt "You're what, two years old?" To which Wrathion replies "Two in DRAGON years." It's very endearing! Look at these brats, they're believable teenage friends to me. Yes, Anduin is one of the few peace-seekers in the story, he tries so hard to be good and kind even to his enemies, but in moments like these he still feels like a person.

We could look at TWW and say Anduin is demonstrating anger issues, which would be interesting because, like in the example of almost breaking Anduin's arm, this was something Varian struggled with. Except it doesn't feel like the trailer recognizes this as a flaw. The moment goes by and is quickly forgotten. I can look at Loid in Whispers and I recognize where his bitterness comes from: he felt abandoned and so pushes others away. The one detail I did like in TWW trailer was the comparison between Thrall touching Anduin's shoulder, and Varian's ghost doing the same in the past. That moment felt like a trigger for Anduin, reminding him of that moment when he was so vulnerable, but also of his grief for his father. (Nevermind we had that story in Legion about Anduin coming to terms with his grief. Let's ignore that.) It's the most sincere moment of the trailer, but it doesn't follow through! As soon as the second vision dissipates, Anduin takes Thrall's hand and pledges to help. Why? Again, "because there's another big cosmic threat" isn't a good enough reason. What does he feel in this moment? Why did he change his mind now?

Nontoxic masculinity doesn't mean "flawless person". I would still say Loid is a good example of nontoxic masculinity, regardless of if or when he does engage in more toxic behaviors. I'd say as a character Loid is a better demonstration than Anduin of nontoxic masculinity because he's capable of self-reflection, realizing he did something bad, and correcting himself. One interpretation of events in the story of Whispers (because much of Warframe is open to interpretation) is that the local eldritch horror was feeding off of Loid's resentment towards Albrecht, and this was fueling its assault on the labs. Only in reminding Loid of Albrecht's feelings for him, specifically in a way Loid had been deliberately avoiding, can the player begin to take down the bad guy of the quest.

This is a great time to move to my last point about Whispers’ full story: the ending.

I know we can talk about ludonarrative dissonance about two games where the player regularly enacts mass murder and trying to square that with certain story themes. Listen. Hear me out.

In Warcraft, the solution to the final boss is always kill them. (Or arrest them in the case of Garrosh in Mists. In truth this was only a stay of execution). Part of this is the limit of always putting an expansion’s conclusion in a raid. There always needs to be a big fight in a specific kind of setting with specific player expectations. I wish Blizz played with this more; maybe we can only seal away the bad thing? Or maybe the goal is to hold something off while an NPC does a magical ritual that saves the day by some other method? I’m sure there are possible, creative solutions other than “hit bad guy (or his toes if he’s big) until bad guy falls over”.

How does the player save the day in Whispers in the Walls? I’m going to cover this in detail because it’s one of my favorite moments in the whole game.

You spend much of the quest fighting off The Murmur, constructs summoned by the local eldritch horror, called the Indifference (among many other names[4]) which is trying to break into the labs the quest takes place in. The final encounter, the story's climax, has the Indifference possesses a Vessel, one of many unfinished biomechanical giants Albrecht created and left scattered around his lab. The evil Vessel moves in to attack the player, who then possesses a Vessel themself.

The player’s Vessel holds up a hand, and we see a button prompt.

I'm stealing a point from another Tumblr user because it's great. Go read their post and the replies if you're curious about this particular moment!

This button prompt isn’t unusual. There aren’t many quick time events in Warframe, they're not a part of regular run and gun gameplay, but they do appear. If you’re like me, you’ve gone into the accessibility options and toggled button mashing off because wrists hurt. This prompt isn’t unusual to see for me.

But if you didn't use that accessibility toggle, you'll still get this specific prompt. It will be unusual that you're being asked to hold to interact with the scene, rather than the usual smash a button to make thing happen.

So you hold the button, the player’s Vessel reaches out, and when I first played I got excited because I think I’m powering up a big blast to destroy the enemy Vessel!

Then this happens:

I encourage everyone who can to watch the video for the full effect, but I’ll still describe it here:

The background music is ominous, and as you hold the button there's a heartbeat sound. The player's Vessel slowly reaches toward the enemy Vessel. When then the prompt button disappears, the scene goes quiet. The player Vessel gently holds the enemy Vessel's face, mirroring how Albrecht did to Loid at the beginning of the quest. As the music changes to a calming vocal track, we see the enemy Vessel's face change, drop from aggressive to lonely longing. The camera backs away as the two Vessels slow to a stop, posed to echo that "memory of love". The camera switches to Loid, who holds a hand to his own cheek, then looks back at the Vessels. He understands the connection too.

This kind of thing isn’t unheard of for Warframe either! I'll keep additional spoilers to a minimum, but a previous main story quest, The Sacrifice, has similar themes. In fact, my favorite moment from that quest involves a monologue by a major villain about how he is literally unable to comprehend the idea of empathy or compassion. He doesn’t understand why the player character, in a moment of vulnerability and understanding, is able to do what he couldn’t, with all of his violence and brutality.

“And it was not their force of will - not their Void devilry - not their alien darkness. It was something else. It was that somehow, from within the derelict-horror, they had learned a way to see inside an ugly, broken thing —

— and take away its pain.” [5]

In a story where the primary antagonist is a mysterious entity called “The Indifference” we don’t defeat it with force. With hate. What’s the opposite of Indifference?

It’s old man yaoi love. We defeat Indifference with love.

I don’t feel like I was cheated out of a cool moment. I suspect some people did. It’s not like Whispers didn’t have cool moments! I’m not even going to argue that this moment was uncool, just that it brought up different and unexpected emotions in me! It was an interesting and affecting twist on how we expect these encounters to go. It’s moments like these that tell me that Warframe's writers, for all their flaws, are putting genuine thought and emotion into their game. They’re thinking about characters and themes, trying to follow them through even with the scattershot way that video game design demands writers work.

Writing this description reminds me of a moment in Shadowlands, the expansion that traumatized Anduin. It takes place in (surprise!) the Shadowlands, the afterlife of Warcraft’s universe. Thrall, the second character we see in the TWW trailer, meets his mother in Shadowlands. She died when he was a baby, and now that he meets her in these weird circumstances, they begin to create the bond they couldn’t have before. In particular I found this conversation they have touching. A mother who didn't get to know her son, and a son who never knew his mother, finally get to connect. “I knew who you were the moment I saw you,” Draka tells him, “Do you really think I would not recognize Durotan's eyes?"

“Come, I wish to know more of your life, all of it,” she says to him, sounding tired.

It’s such a sweet moment, and bonus points for focusing on Draka, a woman who was functionally fridged prior, who now gets to be a character with personality and (some) agency in Shadowlands. It’s such a perfect demonstration of everything that could’ve been interesting in Shadowlands, what was and is interesting in Warcraft’s story, and what’s so often set aside or overlooked. Can they continue to have a relationship when the current conflict is over? Questions like this are interesting, but Shadowlands doesn’t engage with them at all, and it's poorer for it.

In Warcraft, trauma is aesthetic. Pain is aesthetic. It doesn’t matter what caused Anduin’s suffering in TWW trailer, all that’s important is that we know he’s suffering. We know he's important because he’s a main character and he’s sad about something. But, like, not sad in a way that would make him cry. That part is critical because we all know boys don't cry, right? That bias feels implicit in much of Warcraft's emotional moments. How much more touching would Thrall and Draka's reunion be if Thrall was allowed to cry at finally getting to meet his mom?

Loid does cry, at the beginning of Whispers' quest and during the story of the faction associated with the update. His emotions, and thus his story, feel more genuine and engaging for allowing him that vulnerability.

Warframe wants to engage with specific traumas, how they can make us bitter towards others, perpetuate our own and others’ pain. The point of pain is to understand it, because in understanding, that pain can be taken away. Warcraft has no interest in taking away pain, and it has no interest in understanding it. It’s not about emotional connection, because that requires a vulnerability and a capacity to self-reflect that Warcraft has no interest or courage to engage with. Pain is aesthetic.

Whispers is setting up a longer story arc for Warframe. At the time Whispers was revealed, Warframe was celebrating its 10th anniversary, and the previous main story quest wrapped up the storyline the game told from its release. In this way, Whispers is again an interesting comparison to Warcraft’s The War Within. TWW is also meant to be the start of a new story arc that will last several expansions. I know which story I’m excited about, and which one I feel nothing for.

Loid was a character I met for the first time last year, he immediately felt like a person, and I was emotionally invested. As a player I so badly want Albrecht to finally say the words Loid needed to hear. Anduin Wrynn is someone I’ve known for years, but is now a cardboard cutout. I don't feel compelled to follow his story because... what could it be? Warcraft doesn't seem interested in any conclusion or goal for him. He just is.

I have a lot of complicated emotions about World of Warcraft, as a game and as an influential piece of media. I played the game for many years, and it was an important part of my life. In many ways I’d say it's still a part of me, even after I stopped playing the game itself. Part of writing this essay was following up on some thoughts I shared with friends on BluSky, but part of it feels like exorcising a demon, or bleeding out poison. Part of me grieves for Warcraft, what it meant to me and what I thought it could have been. In Warframe though, I've found a place of comfort and compassion. In between all the space ninja nonsense and vast quantities of horrific violence the player commits, Warframe offers growth, and a way to let go of what hurts us.

—

I'll take a moment and shout out an excellent video essay by Shaun on Youtube called Andrew Tate: How to be a Real Man. It's a great resource for a more general discussion of masculinity in the real world. The video is a criticism of Tate and his approach, why it appeals to some men, and further dissects what masculinity means, and what nontoxic masculinity means. (Is it an inbox full of pictures of Aragorn?) It's a good dissection of masculinity as a concept, and one I'd recommend if you're curious about the topic of toxic/nontoxic or negative/positive masculinity.

—

Yes not only do I have my paragraph long asides I've now also added footnotes. This isn't a peer reviewed journal, you're not my mom, I do what I want!

[1] One of Warframe’s major quests is also called “The War Within” which might be confusing to a reader who knows Warframe. Don’t worry about it, I’m talking exclusively about the upcoming Warcraft expansion here.

[2] For bonus points, if you haven't played Warframe, go to 20:55 on the demo video. You'll see a logo and release date for Whispers In The Walls, hear the live crowd cheer, and the creative director will start to speak... until she's interrupted by something in the game. What you see and hear next is almost exactly as it is in the final release, including the music, minus an extra line of exposition from Loid. This wasn't just a stunt for the convention. I fucking LOVE Warframe.

[3] To be honest this is part of a personal measurement I use to gauge how queer friendly a work is: if they have queer women do they also have queer men? A good example of why I use this is Mass Effect. That franchise always had queer women and an option for lesbian romance, but only in Mass Effect 3 did they add one (1) queer option for a masculine Shepherd. I am a (nonbinary) lesbian so on the one hand I don’t want to dismiss all queer women in media as “pandering” and queer men as “valid”. It’s more of a guideline to estimate how willing a piece of media/creator is to transgress heterosexual norms. Depicting men who love men is seen as more transgressive than two women in love by the gaming community at large. The reasons for this are complicated and they all suck.

[4] hey kiddo

[5] I wanted to avoid spoilers for other Warframe story quests, but The Sacrifice is, again, an interesting point of comparison for Anduin's story. The Sacrifice is, largely, about a character coming to terms with his grief over the death of his son. If you see the whole video I link there, you'll see the player presented with three options: Wrath (We use this memory. It fuels our wrath), Acceptance (We accept this memory and move beyond its reach), and Emptiness (We return this memory to the Void and find peace in our emptiness.) I just wish Anduin's grief over Varian was, at any point, treated with this level of nuance and care.

[jimahalangel]

Gelatin Skeleton

Summary:

Apparently the multiverse doesn't need your permission to Isekai you. It doesn't even have to give you the courtesy of letting you know it happened.

…

Undertale is gone, like it never existed.

…

You would know—you've looked.

…

"Wait- so you're telling me the void ate my universe? I'm living the weirdest 'I survived' book?!! Introducing to scholastic book fairs everywhere: 'I survived the destruction of the universe when the void decided to get all schlorpy schlorpy!?'"

…

"I am unfortunately fully aware of what information your universe had in the way of… fanfiction about my friends and family-"

...

Notes:

Formatting is better on AO3 (italicized font and such)

Update schedule: AO3 will get new chapters earlier (probably about a day) than Tumblr. (Aiming for once a week, on Thursdays or Fridays - not set in stone)

Link to read on AO3:

Chapter 1: Wikipedia, my beloved.

(read chapter 2 here)

Going to sleep in one universe and waking up in another sounds like the kind of thing people would write about in various types of fiction. Because it is . It's such a prevalent trope that it has its own genre: Isekai .

As defined by Wikipedia, "Isekai, ( Japanese: 異世界, transl. "different world" or "otherworld") is a genre of speculative fiction—both portal fantasy and science fiction are included. It includes novels, light novels, films, manga, anime and video games that revolve around a displaced person or people who are transported to and have to survive in another world, such as a fantasy world, virtual world, or parallel universe. Isekai is one of the most popular genres of anime, and Isekai stories share many common tropes…"

You'd think someone would notice being Isekai-d; that you might feel different upon waking up in a world where things are changed in new and mysterious ways—perhaps feel empowered? Surely when one is suddenly transported into another reality, they might remember the day it happened?

Apparently the multiverse doesn't need your permission to Isekai you. It doesn't even have to give you the courtesy of letting you know it happened.

Or, well, you think this is another universe, at least? Because an entire chunk of internet-culture/pop-culture was missing when you went to Google it yesterday.

Is missing.

Still.

Undertale is gone, like it never existed. You would know—you've looked.

It's not like years' worth of memes and fanfiction and fanart pertaining to a game that changed the entire gaming industry could just up and disappear out of nowhere, could it?! But you can't find any sign of it anywhere online or offline—and you definitely had physical evidence.

You'd stayed up all night last night searching for a single trace of the game and fandom you'd spent years of your life looking toward for comfort and entertainment. You’d looked everywhere.

But it's gone.

All of it.

Everything.

It's impossible.

There has to be an explanation.

Which brings you to your current Isekai theory: Maybe it's not gone— you are. You might be somewhere new where it never existed in the first place.

Either that or your brain is really majorly messed up and created an alarmingly huge chunk of false memories.

.... Actually… How long has Undertale been missing for you?

Has this happened before and you just can't remember it?

You check your search history. Nothing about Undertale before yesterday. Which is definitely strange because you'd been on AO3 looking through Undertale tags two weeks ago. And there's no need to delete your search history when you live alone. Your most recent search history from right before your rabbit hole yesterday is still the same Wikipedia article you remember reading.

Strange.

So Undertale being wiped from the face of the Earth must've happened sometime in the past two weeks.

You check the Google search trends for the words, 'Undertale' and 'Meglovania,' among several other words and phrases more unique to the game and fandom than 'Sans,' and 'Papyrus.' You want to get to the bottom of this, but you're pretty sure those character names won't get you any closer to an answer with how common they are to describe non-Undertale related things.

It's somehow not a surprise to you when search trends show that exactly zero people are looking for the answers you are.

Okay, so that kicks the possibility of finding anyone else who remembers Undertale.

You check search trends for 'alternate reality,' 'alternate universe,' and 'alternate dimension,' and you also open up a separate tab to the Wikipedia article for 'Isekai.'

It seems like there's definitely a good amount of search queries related to each term, but upon further inspection, they're mostly about isekai anime and tv shows like Dr Who.

Not really all that helpful, but maybe when you're not dealing with the real-world issues of dimensional travel you can take a break and watch the ones that seem interesting.

You bookmark a few articles that seem to be about actual science and not sci-fi media, but besides scientific papers and articles misquoting those same scientific papers, you've hit a dead end. You turn your attention towards finding discussion posts or forums on the topic —Maybe something on Reddit?

…..

Okay, nope.

You're not going to have much luck bringing in other people to help you with this unless you're looking to end up institutionalized. Not that there's any shame in that, but you don't think it'd help you much in this particular situation.

Man, you are really hoping for your Isekai theory to ring true. Otherwise, you're SOL with no way of finding out what's going on here. You feel like that guy who had to rewrite all the Beatles songs from memory in that one movie. What was it called? Yesterday?

Not that you think you could reproduce any of the content you remember about Undertale.

No, you definitely couldn't, especially not the game itself. You aren't a one-man game dev team, and the idea of trying to profit off someone else's ideas like that makes you feel slimy. Even if you're in an alternate dimension or if your brain actually came up with everything and created false memories, you couldn't bring yourself to claim what you feel is someone else's intellectual property. You'll just have to quietly remember on your own and create fan-content privately from now on. That thought makes you feel kind of alone…

You push that down and bottle it up for future you to deal with. Right now you need to determine how and why this happened through some gentle research. No need to end up on any government watchlists.

[lenievi]

“Jim.”

The man stepped down from the transporter pad, and the Captain moved toward him, embracing him in his arms with a pleased, “Bones.”

Spock clasped his hands behind his back, straightening. The hug lasted eight seconds. It seemed a bit excessive.

When the Captain told him that the new ship’s surgeon was his personal friend for many years, Spock’s first thought was to tell him that he considered it a bad idea. Surrounding oneself with close friends on a mission where anything could happen, where their lives were in danger every day, did not seem very logical. He said nothing and hoped the doctor’s fate would not follow the one of Gary Mitchell, which hurt the Captain deeply.

-

“Captain. The way you let Doctor McCoy act toward you is disrespectful and improper,” Spock said two weeks later during one of their chess matches.

The Captain blinked at him. “Improper?”

“He questions your authority, never addresses you properly, and you yourself allow it with the use of the overfamiliar moniker.”

The Captain continued watching him with a baffled expression, mouthing “overfamiliar moniker”.

“Furthermore, the crew started to question the nature of your relationship.”

“And we can’t have that, can we, Mister Spock?” 

Spock understood the words as humorous, but the Captain’s eyes weren’t laughing.

-

The next time Doctor McCoy visited the bridge, the Captain greeted him with, “Hey, Doc.”

It felt somewhat mocking, and Spock could not shake off the impression that McCoy was glaring at Spock’s back, trying to burn a hole there.

He refused to turn around.

-

“Jim, they won’t hurt the doctor.”

The Captain stopped pacing. “I thought you said the use of my first name was improper and disrespectful.”

“I did not say that… exactly.”

“You sound like McCoy now.”

“There is no reason to be insulting, Captain.”

The Captain sighed. “Look, Spock. I don’t know what your problem with McCoy is…”

“There is no problem, sir. The Doctor’s behavior simply does not fit a Starfleet vessel and can cause distraction.”

“Did it cause a distraction?”

“Not yet,” Spock conceded.

“When…” The Captain cleared his throat. “When McCoy comes back, the next time he’s on the bridge, watch the crew, Mister Spock.”

-

Spock did as told.

McCoy did not only speak to the Captain. He’d stop at Lieutenant Uhura’s panel to talk to her, leaving her smiling. He’d ask Lieutenant Sulu about one of his many hobbies. He’d talk to everyone, addressing all of them by their names, leaving them relaxed and more open to joking with each other during the long voyages from one place to another that humans tended to find tedious and tiring.

It reminded him of Captain Pike, who’d take that role on himself. Perhaps the last year and two months at Kirk’s side made him forget something important.

-

McCoy would talk to everyone but Spock.

-

“Any time you can bluff me, Doctor!”

Spock turned toward the captain’s chair. The whole bridge was looking at Kirk in confusion and bewilderment. Spock wasn’t petty enough to remind the captain that this was what he’d meant when he talked about distractions.

He could tell the Captain understood anyway.

And to Spock’s surprise, so did McCoy. His demeanor deflated, and he oozed embarrassment, moving away from the chair, subdued, his hands curled into fists.

And yet, Kirk and McCoy’s uncommon disagreement turned out not to be a distraction at all. Somehow, it gave the Captain an idea. An absurd, illogical idea. But as Spock learned during his time serving with Kirk, sometimes it took such an idea to get them out of a predicament.

“However, it was well played,” Spock acknowledged, and in order to further lighten the mood on the bridge, he continued, “I regret not having learned more about this Balok. In some manner, he was reminiscent of my father.”

“Then may heaven have helped your mother,” Scott quipped.

“Quite the contrary. She considered herself a very fortunate Earth woman.”

-

Perhaps he did judge the nature of Kirk and McCoy’s friendship wrong, he thought as he watched McCoy step close to Kirk and touch his arm in apology.

“Doc… sorry,” Kirk said, and Spock wondered if the moniker “Bones” would ever make a reappearance.

-

When McCoy invited him for a group poker a few days later, Spock did not refuse.

He wisely didn’t react after Kirk kept calling McCoy “Bones” throughout the game. After the fifth time, he caught McCoy’s exasperated look. 

Maybe the two of them could find an understanding.

[lolitafushiguro]

The Butterfly Effect: Conversations with Lesser Lord Kusanali

"It is an honor to be graced with your divine presence, great Dendro Archon." You kneel before the smaller figure in front of you. Nahida beams at your gesture and pats your head, her green eyes gleaming with delight.

"I have been expecting you. Do you have something in mind?" She calls your name, asking a question she already knows the answer to.

Nahida creates her holographic swing and sits on it and you heave a sigh and proceed to sit on a log beside her, watching the Sumeru sun rise in the horizons of its meadows.

Nahida senses your exhaustion from the way your eyes droop and your lips crack, not to mention your slouched figure as you form your inquiries in your head, careful of breaking etiquette in the presence of the archon herself.

"You can treat it like a dream. Dreams just happen, but they intuitively display the secrets of our hearts. Breathe, let the words form on its own. Just like a dream, let it happen. Speak." Nahida breaks the silence with her gentle voice, and as she finished her sentence, you feel a breeze course through your body.

Another exasperated sigh.

You want to cry, but you cannot bring yourself to do so. You know that no one can never not be vulnerable around her, even if they choose to display their emotions or not ー the Lesser Lord Kusanali knows.

Oh, how convenient that must be. You wish you could read minds. You want to know what your mentors want. You want to please your fellow Kshahrewar scholars. You want to know what everyone likes.

You want to give them everything ー and you reached the point where you will tear yourself apart just to become someone worthy of being gifted with the title of a scholar.

"Stupid designs! It's… it's all foolish. Everything I make… "insufferable, inadequate, obsolete, senseless…" the list goes on. I… I don't know what to do. I try my best in creating designs and I study the works of renowned engineers and architects all across Teyvat. I analyze how their systems work and I emulate their processes into my own designs to make sense of it all… and yet… and yet…"

You buried your face into your hands, and there was silence. For a while, you thought that the archon has left you to tend to other things.

But you hear the melodic beat of her steps as she jumps down from her makeshift swing to sit next to you.

And when her soft hand began to stroke your back, memories of a recent past began flooding your brain. You hear your mentors scolding you for a repetitive architectural design. You hear fellow scholars gossip about how unkempt you look despite being the 'failure' of the Kshahrewar darshan.

"Do they even try?"

"It does look like it."

"In fact, they try too hard. It's pitiful to even look at them."

"Are they even a true scholar?"

The voices of scholars and academics surround the caverns of your mind. It was overwhelming, and you can only imagine what you looked like in their eyes.

There was one, then two, then four drops of tears that started to finally fall from your eyes. You covered your face even more, ashamed to let the archon even see you like this.

"It's not enough, my lord. How can I make it enough? Will I ever be enough?"

You finally say, in a hushed whisper that you thought she won't hear.

"There are flowers that only grow in the fields and mountains of Mondstadt, where the winds are far more gentler and nourishing. They are called Windwheel Asters. When these flowers bloom, they do not just stay still and wait for the day they wither. They dance and follow the direction of the spirit of the wind itself, until their last days." Nahida removes your hands from your face and holds them, her face forming a small, but comforting smile.

"Pardon me… but what are you trying to say…?" You ask.

Nahida reaches for your face and wipes your tears with her thumbs.

"These flowers grow and bloom for the wind, which is an idle element in itself. They move, but they stay where they are rooted. Now, do you think these flowers are lost or have they found their purpose?" Nahida asks you, soothing the bags under your eyes.

"I… I think it's useless to exist to follow something that is fickle in nature. What about their petals? Do they not get swept away by the wind during a storm?" You reply, unsure of your answer. Nahida's eyes soften at your answer. She looks to the bustling city of Sumeru and she replies,

"That is what you are doing right now. You follow the path of those who are on their own journey when you have one to call your own."

Nahida reaches for your head and rests it on her lap. The distant chirping of birds echo through the rainforest and the sun's rays are continuing to reveal their beautiful glow as you both witness it by the cliff.

You were suddenly hit with the realization of the archon's words, and you began to cry again. And so you ask another question,

"But… I don't know where to go…"

"One's mind, if used too much, tends to cloud the true musings of one's heart."

"…"

"Don't lose heart. Sometimes you might feel like the unluckiest person in the world, but for all you know, it could just be an unfortunate situation.* There is always a solution to every dilemma, but there are times where the solution itself is to let go."

"…Are you suggesting I give up on my dream of becoming a Kshahrewar architect?"

"You know what you want deep in your heart, so I will not be able to answer a question that only you know the answer to."

"But what if I get caught up in chasing my dreams?"

Nahida pauses for a moment.

"Human beings are fickle minded. But it is not a bad thing, however, most of them are devoured by their hunger for ambition. They chase it one after the other, until they hit rock bottom. And they build themselves up all over again ー and this perpetuates an inevitable cycle they will live through their very last days." She finally says.

"…"

"You can choose to wear your heart on your sleeve. You can choose to be like the wind ー become a free spirit, letting life take you on its course. You can choose to read the stars and look into the map of your soul ー where the answers you are seeking reside. Just remember, life is just not about yourself. Each and every one of your actions shapes you and the world around you.*"

Nahida smiles at you, and you return the gesture to her. You close your exhausted eyes and rested in her presence.

"Thank you, Lesser Lord Kusanali. Your wisdom has eased my heart."

Nahida lets out a small laugh. The sun has risen, marking the early hours of morning.

And you realize it's time to wake up once more.

"The world offers many choices for each and every one of us to take, however, at the end of the day, it is up to us which ones are we going to make."

Nahida's voice fades out slowly from your hearing.

You awoke in your bed, the piles of parchment scrolls scattered on your desk never looked so inspiring until now.

You chanted a prayer dedicated to the dendro archon, thanking her for visiting your dream.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and saw how messy and exhausted you are, then you looked back at your architectural plates.

Shaking your head and smiling to yourself, you decided to make yourself your favorite dish.

You decided that the world can wait.

*These are lines by Nahida that I used from the game itself.

Also, about the windwheel aster question that Nahida asked, it's kind of like a perspective question where there is no right answer, but how you view it reflects your state of mind and your subconscious. I hope that made sense! Thank you for reading ♡

ー Lolita

[theflyingfeeling]

was supposed to write the advent calendar fics, ended up writing an extra scene for let me down slowly. woops. anyway! I hope you like it, it's Olli's POV, titled let go of my tears and you can read it on AO3 🖤

[cuz-reasons]

Summary: Warden Ingo wakes up in a place he doesn't recognize. Subway Boss Ingo wakes up in a place he's only read about. Neither are where they should be.

I come bearing the winner of the winner of that poll I did last week

[made-ofmemories]

Tease tidbit Tuesday

I think I was tagged in this last week, but I never got around to it. However, I'm editing 'Eddie Diaz and the universal cat distribution system' right now because it has been sat in my google docs for entirely too long so have a little snippet from that.

I'm hoping to post the whole fic in a day or two. It's part of a 3 part series and I have a few one shots set in the same universe planned also.

“Is that why you have cat food in the cabinet under the sink?” “Buck.” Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose. Buck isn't dumb, he isn't, he's smarter than most people give him credit for. Eddie just didn't realize it was possible for someone so smart to be so... oblivious sometimes until he met Buck. “You knew I kept cat food in the kitchen and you were surprised when I told you I had a cat?” “Well, how was I supposed to know? You never mentioned her!” “There’s cat food under the sink, what else would it be for!”

Tagging: @ladydorian05 @forthewolves @nmcggg @your-catfish-friend @the-amber-raven

[halfelven]

love random not even logged in readers just dropping their 'constructive criticism' on your 100k+ story that you're putting online entirely for free. this is just a rant btw

"You obviously have a great talent and I think you should work on honing it some. As much as I’ve enjoyed the story, there are a few things that stand out that you might consider looking at. I feel like the story isn’t sure what it wants to be at times; is it character driven or plot driven? It doesn’t flow smoothly because sometimes we have these wonderful character vignettes, like Illumi and Kalluto on a road trip or Kite/Leorio/Gon/Killua in an apartment where plot doesn’t really feel important, followed by what feels like heavily plot driven beats, like Kalluto and the spiders. In addition, it contributes to confusion because sometimes we see established characterization turned on its head. Especially the weird way everyone all of a sudden just sort of was OK with Kalluto being a spider and then working with Illumi when they just went to all that trouble to escape him? It all kind of feels forced and not natural. You know?

Anyway, I’ll definitely keep reading and look forward to seeing what happens."

first: love you trying to sound legitimate with your "in addition" like this is some kind of writer's workshop. second: in what way would I, the writer, think that an incomplete part of my story in which the reader does not yet know most of the main motivations (they are only hinted at so far) feels forced and not natural when I know what's happening, where it is going (and where I haven't had other readers comment with confusion about that part)

and moving on. don't do this. also like i said this is a wip in and no, no one is cool with Kalluto being a spider and no they're not cool working with Illumi, really. it was already established that some of them /have/ been working with Illumi before this~ he's someone that they know. like have you never been in a seriously dangerous situation that you just have to get through before you get back to what you want?*** also at this point Chrollo's real motive hasn't been entirely revealed.

Killua keeps changing his mind about what he's doing because he's a scared kid whose self-hatred is destroying him from the inside out. the POV is so tight that I have to keep dropping reminders that what is stated in the narrative is often not true! Illumi's POV, for example, keeps showing Killua as really loving him and being happy he's around but struggling with a desire for freedom, while with Killua's POV he's terrified of Illumi most of the time. like how is that not obviously a distorted POV where you can't trust the narrator?

"where plot doesn’t really feel important, followed by what feels like heavily plot driven beats"

this part is especially irritating because it's like yeah that's how I want to write it? this isn't a published novel. I don't have to commit to making sure every scene is important to the plot. I can spend time writing a full scene about someone drinking a glass of water and then 13 chapters in a row that are for moving the plot forward. I didn't even tag it as a novel... I did tag it for unreliable narration and I keep getting annoyed that people keep ignoring that.

"I feel like the story isn’t sure what it wants to be at times; is it character driven or plot driven?"

it's both??? it's neither??? it's a fanfic??? why do I keep getting comments lately where people are expecting me to adhere to like fucking publishing standards. this keeps up and I will write a chapter which is entirely about a minor character drinking a glass of water. watch me. I'll write one about phinks drinking a glass of water and you'll like it*

"Overall, the story is good and presented a compelling alternative to CA. Look, each fan has their own opinion on CA and I know I didn’t like it. I think it was a product of what Togashi was going through as he began to experience health issues and then finding himself right back where he said he wasn’t going to be mentally after he ended his earlier manga. We can never know for sure, but it certainly had a “watch it all burn vibe” to it near the end. I honestly believe he wanted it to end with the finality of Gon’s suicide as a capstone statement, but was probably convinced to go a different route, which kinda of left a jarring feel in the narrative and culminated in a rather unsatisfying end to Gon and Killua’s journey. Despite that, I am very reluctant to read fics where the events of CA are erased or grossly modified and honestly yours is really the first long AU/alternate timeline I’ve enjoyed"

okay first of all, I love the CA arc. but I had to split a point off where Kite was going to survive. why do you have to leave this whole paragraph about how you think Togashi was or wasn't going to go with the CA on my fanfic? I didn't even write this as 'oh look at my alternative to CA bc I hated CA' I don't really look forward to hearing comments about how random people didn't like so and so aspect of the story that I'm basing my story off of. I've never written fanfic for a story that I didn't like (except for some things that I don't have published I wrote at a request for friends for a fandom they were into that I wasn't really) and yeah I've wanted to 'fix' aspects (like tolkien's treatment of women for example) but I am not looking for your 'this is what I hated about the source material' comments on my stories

tired of getting comments with little 'oh I didn't like your style at first but now I do' or 'here's how to fix your story!' unsolicited advice from people who aren't better writers than me (I don't even want it from people who would be better writers than me on stuff I'm just doing for fun and for free)

when did stuff like this become normal? at least don't be a coward and be not logged in so you can't even get a response notification. like girl they aren't cool with it! why do you think everyone is on guard standing around like they're in a fucking hostage situation? how do you see such wildly different interpretations from different character's POVs and think it's not intentional? what part about Kite watching Killua like a fucking hawk makes you think he's going to let Illumi take him after this?

like if you've never had to smile and pretend to be cool with your abuser (pretend to love them) or someone who was threatening you to keep someone else safe then good for you! it fucking sucks! also don't know how to explain to you what a child who is growing up in an extremely isolated abusive situation goes through (though I keep writing about it in this story you should catch on...) but it's a million back and forths with emotion and feelings--especially if their abuser does (to in some way or to some degree) love them. and it is often blaming themselves. I'm not letting my years of studying human psychology and child development go to waste here**

is this story perfect? no but I'm not gonna hire an editor for a fanfic. and everyone's interpretations of characters will be different. especially with child characters who are going through huge changes in the world around them and their personal lives. part of the appeal of fanfiction is 'who would they become if this happened instead?' *sorry I keep writing about starving and not having clean drinking water but I will never stop because that's what I grew up with and it's hell. also phinks drinking water would be compelling since I assume he'd have harder access to clean drinking water

**hunter x hunter is also one of the only stories I have encountered with characters who have backgrounds as fucked up as mine and Togashi's interest in human psychology really stands out.

***like good for you but that was most of my life and you sometimes just have to shut up and get through it. and no I will not put my notes in the right order bc I'm not being paid enough****

****I'm being paid nothing

[seonghwasblr-moved]

Sometimes I get sad and annoyed about things that literally don't matter at all lol

[cowgurrrl]

More domestic Joel Miller headcanons because I can’t stop thinking about him

When Tommy and Maria have their daughter, Joel absolutely falls in love with her. You two take turns helping the new parents out so they can get some sleep which means you get to watch Joel hold the tiny baby

He will bounce her around the dimly lit room, humming whatever song is stuck in his head, and his curls are a mess on top of his head and he looks so tired but he’s so happy

As she gets older, she clings to him and cannot get enough of him

One time you were walking through town together and you heard a very loud “UNCA JOE” coming from behind you

Joel lit up like a Christmas tree when he turned around and saw the little girl abandoning Maria to rush across the town square and into his arms

She and Ellie become fast friends and the two become little trouble makers despite their 14 year age gap

Speaking of trouble, Ellie constantly makes fun of how affectionate you and Joel are at home. On patrol, you keep it professional and barely even kiss each other goodbye. But, once you’re in the comfort of your own home, all bets are off

This man was so touch-starved for so many years but now that he has you, he is the clingiest man alive

Joel will come up behind you when you’re doing something and wrap his arms around you, kiss your neck, tickle you, whatever he needs to do to distract you

He LOOOVVVEEESSS laying his head in your lap and letting you run your fingers through his hair while you ramble about your day

Can’t fall asleep unless he’s touching some part of you

He has a horrible habit of smacking your ass any chance he gets (poor Ellie)

“You guys are gross,” she’s yelled across the room so many times you’ve lost count. Joel thinks it’s hilarious each time

“You’re gross,” he’ll accuse before letting go of you and turning to face her. “You don’t have to be so jealous. There’s enough Joel Miller to go around.” He teases before wrapping her in a big hug and spinning her around the room

Her squeals of laughter could power a whole city as she screams at him to put her down

Loves cooking even if it took him a long time to learn

You and Ellie grinned your way through some truly awful meals but he got better and now you actually look forward to when he cooks

Teaches Ellie how to cook even though she’s more impatient than he is

You manage to snap a Polaroid of the two of them at the stove with their backs to you and under it you wrote “Chefs Miller + Williams”

Oh my god the nicknames they would come up with for each other

Ellie Bellie was the first one and then it quickly divulged into Elle Belle, Bellie, Smellie, Smell, Elle, and so many more

At one point, you were each calling her Beleanor Roosevelt

Joel’s nicknames get cycled through pretty quickly: Joey, Jo Bro, Joel Bowl, Bowl, Grumpy McGrumps (curtesy of Ellie), Goel (Joel’s drunk alter-ego) and whatever else ends up sticking

Joel is one of the most intelligent men you have ever met and you would (and have) trusted him with your life but Jesus Christ is he oblivious when Ellie starts dating

Sarah wasn’t really interested in dating so Joel never had to talk to her about anything but with Ellie EVERYTHING is different

Ellie never really came out in the sense that she never sat you two down to have an emotional conversation. She just kinda came home with Cat and told you she was her girlfriend

You were being a typical protective figure for Ellie and asked Cat lots of questions but even then you weren’t sure if you thought Cat was right for Ellie. Joel, however, was surprisingly quick to welcome Cat and didn’t have any qualms about Ellie dating

When you asked him about it later, he shrugged and said, “I think it’s nice that Ellie has good girlfriends like her”

“No, Joel. Cat is Ellie’s girlfriend not a girlfriend”

“I’m lost”

Once you explain it to him, he goes into Ellie’s room and they talk for a long time about God knows what

Joel Miller may be from Texas but that man supports his daughter, no matter what

Neither of you ended up being a huge fan of Cat but once Ellie and Dina start dating, it’s over

Joel invites Dina over for dinner every chance he gets and embarrasses Ellie each time but Dina loves it

Subtly tries to teach Ellie love songs on the guitar

Ellie subtly lets him

You subtly fall deeper in love and the life you have built with them

In conclusion, Joel Miller would be the sweetest little domestic guy if given the chance.

Give me my last paragraph back or give me death 🍓🍓🍓