#i wrote this in the bus back but i'm now back at home safe and sound

[theflyingfeeling]

when I felt happy and carefree again for a while

(= a concert report of a kind from BC @ Särkänniemi 11.8.2023 🖤)

- First things first, the weather report: partly cloudy most of the time, not too warm but not too cold either (until maybe after the gig; I knew I didn't pack my super sexy gloves in vain 😌)

- The atmosphere was rather chill at the amusent park where the concert was held, so we had a chance to hang about and even go to exactly one ride lol (which was quite enough for us and we actually had a fun time and really put the amusement in amusement park tyvm, unlike the other (10-ish) people in the ride who looked like they'd rather be literally anywhere else)

- Also @wearenosaints and I were asked to give our extremely coherent and otherwise correct opinions about the Back To School event to the press like the very important people we are so yeah if you see our faces on the paper tomorrow that's us hiiiii 👋

- I was pleasantly surprised to get MUCH better spots than what I had last time BC played at Särkänniemi (=couldn't see shit from the stage being so low and all the phones and fucking CARDBOARD SIGNS blocking our view), our spots were rather excellent tbh, at least in comparison to what I was expecting

- ...aaaaaaand then the cardboard signs appeared 🙂

- So yeah if anyone was filming a video at that time (just before BC came on stage), the collective voi vittu! that can probably be heard in the background when the signs first appeared that was definitely us hiiiii 👋

- I know the five months between my previous BC show and this one is a short time in the grand scheme of things I guess but I assure you it's felt like half a lifetime at least, so it was an exciting moment to see all the guys run on stage one by one, I was so thrilled about seeing them with my bare eyeballs again that I was surprised everytime any of them showed up lol, for example I think Joonas was the last one I saw and it took a while for him to come to our side of the stage too, so I was like "oh yay Porko's here too!" as if I had forgotten he's in the band as well 😂

- We saw a LOT of Olli and 😩😩😩😩 he's such a sexy motherfucker that I'm actually mad about it. I love how he really puts his whole goddamn pussy into the show, and the way he's so flirty sjfjfjkfkfkffk for a while I thought he had, you know, someone special watching him from the side of the stage because he kept flirting and making faces towards someone on his left side the whole fucking time, but then I figured Santeri was filming there so I guess he was just flirting with the camera like the common slut he is <3

- (and this totally did not give me any fic ideas about flirty!Olli and jealous!Allu 👀)

- Speaking of Aleksi: 😩😩😩😩😩

- He's nice-looking alright although I've never really been that attracted to him, but literally the first time I saw him tonight I was like 'well damn, Aleksi looks fine as hell?' 😩😩😩😩 the hair he has now looks sooooooo good on him, the shirt he was wearing really brought out his tits made him look rather desirable in my eyes, I may have an itsy-bitsy crush on him now byeeeee 💀

- idk man being there just felt a bit like coming home? 😭 there weren't any surprises in the setlist but honestly I didn't expect there to be, it was sort of comforting actually to know exactly how it was going to go and the guys seemed happy about playing in Finland again as well (Niko: "Everyone here knows our songs!!" 😂🥰)

- They also teased us about the Nokia Arena show that's apparently happening at some point in (near?) future 👀 I mean, don’t quote me on this lol they didn't spill any actual deets but it's gotta be Nokia Arena right? I mean, what else could it be lol

- But yeah. Lately there's been so much stuff in my life that's been stressing me out and making me feel uneasy and worried and some of it even a little sad (just earlier today I had to fight back tears in the bus because I was upset about something that had happened I know I shouldn't be upset about and yet...), but during the show? None of that shit mattered. For those 60 minutes, I was so completely happy and carefree again 🖤

- Many thanks to the peeps who tolerated my bad jokes today and only made little fun of my cool and sexy gloves, you know who you are and I love you <3

- See you next week 🤝

[stefanmikaleson1864]

What IF

A/N: I'm a little rusty so I hope this isn't to bad and I hope you all enjoy it ! :)

OA X Reader 

Life was always about What If’s, What if I didn’t take this Job, What if I never let home,

What if I actually cared about myself for once. Were you where you thought you would be in life absolutely not. It just felt like the world was passing you by and you were just stuck. 

Everyone was moving on with their lives and you never got up. You never crawled out from that space.

What if you didn’t stay behind. What if you just moved on with your life and worried about yourself for once. 

Your parents had you when they were older. So when you got older they needed someone to take care of them.

Your sisters just kind of moved on and you stayed behind they needed you. So you did the right thing well you thought it was.

You had exciting opportunities to go off to school and be something but you did what your heart was telling you to do. 

But things were changing in your life. You were getting older and you wanted to move on and have a life of your own.

You spent your life taking care of others so now it was time to take care of you. 

OA had invited you to come down to New York to be with him.

You needed him and god knows how much he needed you. That’s why when he asked you he was praying so hard you would say yes. 

The two of you meant back in middle school. You didn’t live in the state but you had opportunities to travel with your school and go to events and even summer programs.

You meant OA at a summer program and from there you guys were inseparable. 

When you moved back home he wrote to you, called you every day.

You guys would visit each other during summer and breaks. All these years never losing touch. You guys were each other's safe spaces. 

His family life was hard and so was yours.

So when talking to each other being with each other it felt peaceful and quiet and the nose wasn’t there. When he joined the army it didn’t change anything between you two.

OA instead never felt closer to you. He thought of you all the time while he was away

. He carried a picture of you everywhere he went. He still did to this day. He even wore the matching necklace you got him before he deployed to keep him safe while he was away. 

OA had been going through a lot in the moment. Work had taken its toll; he just lost another relationship. He had been missing you lately a lot, needing his home and comfort to come back to him. 

You been needing him to. Life lately has just been hard, not even with your parents, just everything.

You wanted  a fresh start. Maybe you had been sending some signals out there hoping he was picking them up. 

You just felt like a pull to him, not that it wasn’t already there it just had been getting stronger. Was needier  the right word?

But you just never wanted to come out and ask him, that’s one thing in this world you hated was being a burden. You didn’t want to make it seem like he didn’t have a choice. 

So when OA called you that one night asking you to come down to New York for the weekend you jumped on the chance. Packing your bags as soon as he hung up the phone. 

You were so excited to just get away and see him, You were counting down the days everyday that it got closer you felt yourself getting more and more excited. 

When the day came you woke up early and already had your outfit picked out

You got to your bus stop like an hour early just because you didn’t want to miss it. You did have nerves because you were worried he would get called into a case. 

But you tried not to let yourself think like that. You tried to stay positive and be happy you were just going. 

The bus ride felt like it was forever even though you knew it was only for a short time.

You and OA had been texting you the entire time. He was telling you how excited he was and how he was planning this amazing trip with you. 

You didn’t care what you did you were just glad you were going to be with him.

Finally after about what felt like 3 days but was really only 3 hours you were back in NYC. You ran off the bus nearly knocking everyone down with you. 

When you got off the bus OA was standing to the side and his smile was so big and bright as soon as soon as he saw you.

You ran right over to him nearly knocking people out of your way. 

OA wrapped you in a tight embrace and you wrapped your arms around him. Afraid to let him go like it was all going to be a dream. 

After a few minutes you two finally let go and grabbed your stuff and headed on out

. OA refused to let you carry your own bags. The two of you talked to each other the entire time like you hadn’t seen each other in years even though you all talked to each other the entire time. 

Everything was just so easy with him like you two just had this connection where you two could just pick up and everything just flowed out with one another. 

After making it to his apartment he helped you inside and his apartment was incredible. For a guy he had it well maintained. 

“Hey look come here” OA said smiling 

He took your bags and walked you down the hallway and you were really curious as to what he was doing. He walked you into a room that had a freshly made bed and it had been clearly cleaned out. 

He sat your stuff down and just looked up at you with the biggest smile on his face. 

“What’s going on” You asked smiling back with also a confusing look on your face. 

“This is for you” OA said 

“For me this is to much for a weekend i mean you cleary did some work in here last time it was a mess with clothes and boxes and everything” You said now just more confused than ever.  

OA had started twisting his ring something he always did when he was nervous and you could tell he was ramping up to something that he was to afraid to ask. 

“Come on what is it” You said smiling and grabbing his hand and pulling him onto the bed and making lay flat. The two of you were looking at each other in the eyes .

“ I uh was hoping it was for more than a weekend thing” OA finally let out 

“What do you mean: You asked you were still playing with his hand. 

“I mean I want you to stay with me like move in me and you” He said squeezing your hand. 

“Why what’s going “ You asked with concern in your voice 

“Nothing i mean I just miss you I need you here with me and I know you want out” OA said ..

You really didn’t say anything to him, you didn’t want to be a burden, did you put pressure on him to ask, thinking back to conversations you had previously had. 

“Hey hey this is me asking because I want you here I need you here” OA said 

You didn’t know what to say you were taken back in the moment at the gesture. 

“Are you sure” You asked 

“Absolutely i need you here I want you here I’m sick you always being so far away from me” OA said. 

“I need you to yeah I need to come you know like I think it’s time I move on and start fresh” You said 

“That is what you deserve to be somewhere else to think about you first and If i’m being honest I’m being a little selfish” OA said smiling at you. 

You smiled back at him 

“Mm oh yeah what’s that” You asked 

“I kind of need you here with me, things have been kind of rough work, everything else and It’s just I miss you and having you here with me and being around you makes everything just so easy” OA said 

“That’s not selfish, it’s incredibly sweet and honest and same though to, I miss being with you having fun and having my person next to me it’s just peaceful next to you” You told him 

Your face turning red when you said it. 

OA let go of your hand and reached out and took his hand and traced your face with his hand.  You meant his eyes with yours and you both just kind of took each other in. The moment felt so surreal and you could feel your heart racing and your breath was shaky. 

You felt like you were gonna pass out but you weren’t your knees just felt so weak.

OA leaned in a little and you meant him half way. It just felt like a huge moment was leading for this. He kissed you and you kissed him back. 

It was nice and slow and you felt like you both were just getting to know this side of each other.

It was so different and it was so new. You felt like you were in high school. Just getting your first kiss for the time. 

You didn’t even realize how long this kiss was until you both felt yourself needing to come back in for air.

When it broke OA put his forehead on yours and you both just laughed. Both just gitty and overcome with so much emotion. 

OA lifted his head up after a few moments and you both just took a few moments to be there with each other.

And soak all this in a moment you were looking for so long. 

“I uh” You both started at the same time. Which made you both laugh. 

“You go first” You said 

“Me first so much pressure” OA said laughing 

“I need to get my feelers before I speak” You said 

“Ouch that bad” He said. 

“Mmmm your gonna find out” you said. 

“Well in that case let me tell you just in case” OA said

He kind of sat up a little bit and cleared his throat. 

“I’m just going to say this and get it out my chest, I love you and not just as a friend or more because were more than friends and I love you more than all of that. I love you more than anything you are my person and my everything. I miss you when your not here when I come home and it’s empty without you here, everyday I pray for something more with you and now i think that time is finally here it’s finally coming true” OA said 

He had a tear come out of his eye and he just looked at you smiling and his face was all bright red and you could tell he was also getting nervous in all this. 

You grabbed his hands and tried not cry in all of this because if you did you would never be able to get the courage to tell him everything you wanted to. 

“Man I knew i should have went first” You said 

And OA looked you a bit nervous and he looked like he was going to have a panic attack so you hurried up and moved it along for the sake of his mental health.

‘“I love you to like more than just friends and like you said more than what our current situation is. I just never thought I was good enough for you. I mean your successful and you have a career and me I don’t have any of that going on. I mean i guess I really never thought you would ever think of me in that way. So i never said anything because I didn’t want to loose you, your to important to me” You said now it was your turn to be a nervous sweaty wreak. 

OA looked at you and he was hurt by what you said. How you could think so little of yourself. When you were everything he ever wanted. 

He grabbed your hands and he squeezed them hard looking at you. 

“Hey look at you, you're amazing and your kind and you always give everyone a hundred percent. And anyone would be lucky to be with you, you have so much to offer and this isn’t your whole story you still have so much to give, and you are worth so much more than what your feeling right now” OA said 

You smiled at him and you could feel your heart beating out of it’s chest. You also started to let a tear roll down. 

“This is going to be good you know for the both of us. I know it we deserve to give ourselves a real shot a real beginning to start over you know. Its what we earned to see where this can go.” OA said 

“What ever happens though were gonna be okay right were always be there for each other right” You said. 

“Always” OA said 

He leaned in and kissed you again this time it was a little more rough this time with a different kind of meaning behind this time.

He wasn’t testing the waters this time he was giving you everything he had. 

You gave him everything you had as well. Like all those feelings were coming out

you were just being yourself not feeling so worried and timid and it was so much more than what you could have imagined.

All those butterflies were coming out of your stomach and working its way out.

Again just as earlier you felt yourself needing air. And it broke and you both just laughed at each other. 

“Let me take you out tonight like for real I wanna do this the proper way. I don’t want to rush I want to enjoy it you” OA said

“I would like that very much” You said 

OA got up and got off the bed, saying a quick goodbye in order to leave you alone for a moment. 

You got up and smiled and looked around your new room. It was beautiful it was big and it had a beautiful view of the city. And there was your favorite color sheet on the bed. And some fresh flowers  were sitting on the dresser. 

OA really put some thought into make it feel like home for you. Something you failed to notice earlier. 

You always wondered what If with OA. He was the always the one who you thought about the one who “got away” in a sense.

Now the crazy part was you didn’t have to wonder anymore. For the first time you felt free and happy. And you put yourself first for the time ever. 

Finally being free from everything you felt happy and okay and a weight was gone and this was just the beginning.

You could start over and do what ever you wanted and that was something you longed for.

[papercupids]

7pm - joshua hong.

pairing -> joshua hong x reader

genre -> comfort kinda

word count -> 500+

summary -> based off "7pm" by booseoksoon ft. peder elias.

a/n -> happy weekend !! i didn’t plan on writing this but when i heard Joshua's cover of the song, it just wrote itself! it is exactly the kind of boyfriend i imagine joshua would be :") all lovesick and caring. also mingyu day in a few days !!!!! let's go <3

"shua, you don't need to rush, i'm waiting for you."

the voice on the other end of the phone smiles, "i know, i just can't wait to see you,"

joshua has just stepped in the bus and as he finds a seat, you sigh on the other end.

"i don't even know why you want to see me, it's been such a long day for you, you should have just went home. we could have met tomorrow,"

the grin on his face doesn't leave.

"you don't get it, i'm really not tired right now, you fill me with so much energy,"

to which even you can't resist smiling. your boyfriend could be so cheesy sometimes.

"okay, come safely,"

the bus is filled with people as exhausted from a day of work as Joshua is but he can't help it, he wasn't lying when he said that the entire prospect of seeing you completely energized him.

you looked around the restaurant, it was one of the restaurants you'd always frequent - with shua, with your work colleagues since it was very near to your office and served good food.

you were tired, too. But compared to Joshua who had a whole pitch today, and then had to work to improve on all the points that his boss told him to, it just seemed the best that he should have just gone home and rested for today.

but he was always this person, the one who would rush to have lunch with you here in this restaurant when it was his off day, dismissing the hour ride to your office from his house as nothing, and let's not even talk about the lengths he went to for your birthday, complete with bouquets on your office table, to a candlelit dinner at the finest restaurant in the city.

as you spot his face at the glass door, you realize that he's not being cheesy when he says that you energise him, because it was the same for you. it was like loosening your eyebrows after a long day of stress, or dipping your aching legs in warm water. looking at him, all your stress melted away. everything would be alright, as long as he would be by your side.

"you know what you should do? come home with me,"

your hands are intertwined as you both walk through the streets slowly, to the bus stop.

you lean your head on his shoulders. "hmm, you want me to?"

he nods. "yes,"

"on one condition, you have to actually sleep,"

he smiles and even though you can't see it, you can feel it.

"let's go home then,"

At his place, you've already changed into the pair you always keep around in case of an "emergency" like this one and as Joshua brushes his teeth, you’re already on the bed, too sleepy and tired to wait for your boyfriend.

when he comes back from the bathroom, your eyelids have already given up.

"___, asleep already?"

and there's no answer. He tucks himself and snuggles in closer to you, wrapping his arm around you to bring you closer.

He feels sleepy but he looks at you and rubs his hand over your hair slowly, grazing the strands softly. He was so, so in love with you and so, so thankful for you.

he switches off the bedside lamp as he kisses your forehead and whispers, "goodnight, my love."

[jamietarttsnorthernattitude]

For the WIP title ask game, because your titles are all so intriguing (how are you doing this magic ??) I'm going to pace myself here and ask for more about these two (for now):

higgins advice line please ! (Higginsy goodness always <3) and witch doctor !

Thank you my love friend! (from this post)

higgins advice line which the real title is Dear Leslie is a 5+1 about five times Higgins gave good advice and one time he didn’t (to Jamie during Mom City who he then brings home after the match). Here is a snippet:

The bus ride was quiet, unsurprisingly. The half-hour ride dragged on while Higgins periodically turned to check on Jamie. He felt safe with him sitting with Sam. If anyone was a safe port in a storm, it was Sam Obisanya, wise despite his young age. The bus was dark, but the way Jamie’s head was tilted back, he thought the lad might be sleeping or at least pretending to be asleep. Leslie had quite the amount of experience with embarrassment in front of peers; he knew Jamie would be willing for the bus to swallow him whole.

Not that the lad should be embarrassed, but Leslie was once twenty-four himself, with a father who delighted in pushing as many buttons as he could find on his son, and when he couldn’t find those, he installed more, so Higgins knew how Jamie felt more than the younger man realised. Leslie spent the remainder of the ride texting Julie. He always called his wife on the way home from matches and especially with her out of town with the kids, she would expect to hear from him.

Leslie: Hi love, won’t be able to call on the way home. There was an incident after the match between Jamie Tartt and his father, so I’m bringing him home for the night so he’s not alone.

His wife wrote back almost immediately.

Julie: Poor love, on top of the match? You take good care of him, but be careful. Remember there’s a lasagna in the fridge. Just pop it in the oven for 45 minutes, and it’s ready to go. I love you, love to the pups ❤️xx

Leslie: Give the boys and your parents hugs and kisses from me. Love you oo

Witch doctor is my idea for a cover all for my bad things happen bingo (so it will be the very last one I post) based off a witch doctor claiming to have been responsible for Ronaldo’s injuries. So basically same idea but with Jamie and every square of my bad things bingo board being checked off over a period of time and Jamie just thinking he's cursed . I have very little written for it since I want to cover the rest of the squares minus the last one first. Here is my bingo board though.

[masterwords]

probably lucky i'm alive

Summary: Derek drives Hotch home from New York (coda to 4x01 - Mayhem) and their car breaks down. It's a comedy of errors but they make the best of it.

Pairings: Hotch/Morgan

Words: 10.5k

Warnings: concussion, bomb mentions, death mention, grief, vomit...Hotch is a whole mess. It's all canon based so if you know the episode you probably have an idea what to expect. Except you know, Hotch is actually hurt in a more realistic way after having a car explode in his face so he is suffering.

Notes: Another Mayhem story. Yep! You're welcome. I think this is my favorite one to date, if that tells you anything. Thank you all for putting up with me! (I wrote this for the "only one bed" prompt for Day 5 of @criminalmindsweek but it took me forever and totally got away from me. They do have to share one bed it just takes 10k words to get there.)

Read on AO3: probably lucky i'm alive

**

Steam or smoke, that’s the game his mom used to play when her car would go on the fritz. If it’s steam, she’ll make it. Her car will be toast but she’ll probably get to her destination. If it’s smoke, she has to pull over right away before it’s in flames. They went through a lot of beaters when Derek was little, it was more economical for his parents to drop $250 on a new car that would limp them through a few months to a year than to fix problems that would arise on any of them. Fixing anything would have been more than most of the cars were worth.

After his father died, they just started taking the bus for a long time. They didn’t have to play the game with the city bus.

Derek hasn’t ever had to play that game with any of his cars. He’s made damn sure of it. But now he’s playing it with a government issue SUV that should be in tip top shape. He’s playing it on a long road trip back home after a really bad case, a road trip that really just needed to go smoothly. He glances at the dash, checks for indicator lights, checks the engine temperature and the oil pressure. Nothing is indicating that it’s an immediate thing, not yet. The car’s precious sensors haven’t registered what the problem is.

Hotch is asleep in the passenger seat. He’s been asleep since they crossed the New Jersey state line. They’d been talking, just awkward small talk that felt forced until he sort of went quiet. Got a faraway look on his face and then let his eyes drift closed. Derek was glad for it. They’d never had trouble talking before, hell they were practically inseparable from the moment they met but the last few weeks things have been challenging and it came to an explosive climax in New York. Derek thought driving him home might fix it. Or at least put them on the right path.

The trajectory they were currently maintaining was not supportable long term. Something had to give.

After a little too long convincing himself that it’s definitely steam and it’s disappearing, it’s fine, he’s absolutely certain that what is coming out from beneath the hood in fine little tendrils is in fact smoke. And those fine little tendrils are taking on more substance as the miles tick by. There’s no shoulder to pull over on, not here, so he angles the SUV toward the next exit and tries to get them to a safe place to pull over before the engine erupts in flames.

After the night they had, this is about the worst thing he can think of to happen.

“Smoke,” Hotch mumbles, shifting in his seat. He hasn’t even opened his eyes yet but the smell has permeated the vehicle now. “Is that smoke?”

“Yeah, hold tight I’m finding a spot to pull over. Dammit.”

The last thing Hotch needs to see after last night is another SUV in flames and Derek is right, the minute the other man registers what is happening his entire body goes rigid. He’s doing his best not to show it and maybe if it were anyone but Derek they might not see it right away it but he knows better. He knows Hotch better.

“It’s all good, man,” he says in as calm a voice as he can muster when he knows he’s pulling them off of the highway in the middle of nowhere. It’s not really the middle of nowhere, they’re just in that stretch of no man’s land between townships, a place where cell reception is weak at best because you don’t stop here you zip right on through. Unless your SUV starts billowing smoke and making creaking, popping and hissing noises. Hotch squeezes his eyes shut and Derek worries that he’s on the verge of a panic attack but he quickly pulls himself back out of it and looks straight ahead. Trains his eyes on the horizon. There are a few sparse patches of trees among an endless sea of cropped green grass, buildings off in the distance but nothing nearby.

“That doesn’t look good.” Hotch deadpans it, but Derek can hear a little tremor in his voice. He manages to angle the vehicle off the road enough not to be a burden but he can’t justify driving it any further, they’re dangerously close to seeing flames. He can feel the heat against his knees. It would be just his luck to have it erupt while they were both still in it. Lucifer’s poetic justice.

“Yeah, okay it’s not good but we’re fine. She’s overheating. Probably a coolant thing. I’ll take a look as soon as it’s safe, just relax okay?”

Easier said than done. Hotch is watching the smoke curl out from the seams and the smell of it is making him sick to his stomach, taking him back to the night before. To standing on the street watching his vehicle burn. Derek puts his hand on Hotch’s shoulder, a reassuring weight, and squeezes.

“Really. It’s just the engine being a shit head. Nothing to worry about. Worst case scenario we call a tow truck and hitch a ride somewhere to wait.”

Hotch doesn’t move beneath the weight of Derek’s hand, and for a beat too long Derek leaves it there. “Come on, let’s hop out huh? I’m gonna pop the hood and let it air out, see if I can get a feel for it.”

“Do you know anything about this engine?” Hotch has his doubts, but ultimately he does trust that Derek won’t make it worse anyway. A smoking engine seems about as bad as it can get, at least with the vehicle still in one piece.

“I know my way around under the hood.” He smirks a little and catches Hotch doing the same, a brief but welcome change in mood.

He can tell where the problem is, and has a pretty good idea of what needs to happen, but he also knows he can’t fix it. They need a few parts and a lot more experience than he has tinkering around with broken old cars. Maybe if it was a Ford Pinto with carburetor troubles, he could manage it. A faulty alternator? Or a broken muffler that needs a patch job. He became his mother’s personal home mechanic at a young age, helping her limp her broken cars along until payday after his father’s death. Becoming the man of the house at 10 came with a steep learning curve, but as he pops this hood and the smoke obscures the world around him he can only cough and shake his head. Whatever is causing this much upheaval is beyond his limited mechanical abilities. These vehicles are all computerized, he’s

Hotch coughs and covers his nose and mouth with his forearm, turning away from the acrid smell before he really does get sick. Out of the corner of his eye he watches Derek poke around, hiss as the oil cap burns his fingertips and step back. He massages his aching shoulder and sighs.

“Gotta call for a tow. This old girl is toast.”

Hotch’s phone is broken.

Not just broken. Obliterated. It had been in his pocket during the blast and shattered on impact, he’s got a slice on his upper thigh from the broken screen. Derek pulls his out and frowns.

“Of course. No service. I’m gonna take a little walk, shouldn’t be too far. Just sit tight.” Derek starts walking right away, doesn’t even wait for Hotch’s response but he can hear uneven footsteps behind him. Limping, he’s limping and he won’t stop. “Hotch. Come on. Just wait here.”

Hotch scowls and it looks a little scarier with all the bruises and cuts on his face. Derek stops long enough just to lock eyes with him. “The last time you disappeared you drove an ambulance rigged to explode into Central Park.”

“Ahh, very funny. Good one. Thought I was gonna have to wait a year for you to pull that one outta your pocket. Feel better now?”

Hotch smirks and limps behind Derek for a few more steps, not exactly keeping up but moving away from the still smoking vehicle. He’d like to put a little distance between the SUV and his body.

“Hotch. Stay with the car, dammit.”

“No.”

“Hotch. You can barely walk. I’m just gonna go until I’ve got enough service to call for a tow truck, I’ll be right back. Just rest okay?” He no longer sounds sharp or authoritative, just pleading. He’s worried, there’s no hiding it now. Acute acoustic trauma and shrapnel in his leg. There’s no way that’s all of it, Derek can see it plain as day. “You need to take it easy.”

It’s true, he can barely walk. But he suspects Derek can see something that looks dangerously like PTSD in him when he looks back at the smoke plume emerging from beneath the hood of the SUV. And that changes Derek’s mind, he realizes why Hotch wants to move away from it. He can’t fault him for that. Derek doesn’t want to smell smoke right now either. They’ve both had their fill of vehicles and fire.

“Okay, man. You can come with. It’s not like we have anywhere we gotta be. Just tell me if you need to take a rest or something okay? I don’t know how far we’ll have to go to get a signal and you look like shit.”

Hotch won’t say a word. He’ll just limp along with his lips set in a grim line, forcing one foot in front of another no matter how badly it hurts. The further they go the slower he walks, and Derek is checking his phone almost obsessively, willing that stupid little triangle to fill with bars so they can stop. So Hotch will rest.

They talk about nothing. Just bullshitting. Hotch can’t hear very well, his ears are ringing and his head is pounding but he keeps up the best he can. It’s nice, he thinks, being alone with Derek when there isn’t anything really on the line. They’re easing back into that comfortable space again.

“Remember when our car broke down in buttfuck Idaho?” Derek asks, slowing his pace a little. He’s conscious about which side of Hotch he walks on, makes sure he’s near the good ear. The less bad ear, maybe. The one that isn’t crusted with flecks of dried blood. The one that Hotch doesn’t reach up and cover every time a car whizzes by on the interstate nearby. “On that huge stretch of nothing highway?”

“It was 98 degrees,” Hotch says quietly. “But it felt like 150 out on that blacktop. I remember thinking the soles of my shoes were going to melt before we got help.”

“It’s always you and me. Been on a hundred road trips with Reid, never a problem. A few with Em, with Jayj, even Rossi. But you and me? It’s like disaster follows us. My blisters were out of control.”

“Mine too. My socks were full of blood. Dress shoes and socks are not ideal for July in hell.”

“I’m not sure any shoes would have been ideal. That was a nightmare.”

It’s not hot now, the walk is almost pleasant. They’re walking on a stretch of road that butts up to an expanse of green, maybe grass, maybe something else. It’s autumn but the leaves haven’t started changing much yet. There’s a crisp breeze that keeps them comfortable while they walk, it’s nice and keeps them comfortable. Derek keeps checking his phone obsessively, every step he expects he’s moved into a sweet spot. It finally happens about ten minutes in and he stops abruptly.

“Got some bars, I’m gonna get us a tow truck. Pop a squat, man.”

Hotch listens this time. He lowers himself down into the cool grass in the shade of a small tree and leans his back against the trunk. It does feel good to take the weight off of his sore leg. The shrapnel tore through his shin and his knee is swollen, he isn’t even sure why. Maybe if he’d let the doctor really check him over he might not be so surprised when a new pain rears its ugly head...but it doesn’t matter. If he had let the hospital continue checking him out, they would all have died. For once his impatience with doctors, at hospitals, at all of it paid off. His stubborn refusal to play by their rules saved lives.

He doesn’t fancy himself a martyr, he didn’t do it for him, but the unexpected kickback wasn’t so bad.

“Okay. Half hour. We got time to hoof it back to no man’s land even at your snail’s pace.” Derek extends a hand and helps Hotch back to his feet, noticing the way he favors his knee. His entire left leg, really. It seems to be getting worse. “You good to walk back or you need another minute?”

“I’m okay.”

“You sure? I can piggy back you.”

“I’m fine Derek.”

Derek isn’t surprised to hear Hotch say that, he expected nothing else. If Hotch ever owned up to really feeling like shit, he would know they were all doomed. He could read the vocal inflections, though. There were certain tonal changes that he could detect easily, the words were superfluous at best.

“Good,” Derek says, but he starts them out at a slower clip and Hotch notices but says nothing. He appreciates the more leisurely pace. They’re really starting to find their way back now and it’s an easy, comfortable thing. He’s missed this comfort. Adrian Bale’s bomb blasted it to pieces and they never really bothered to put it back together, just mended what they could quickly and let the rest settle where it lay. Hotch didn’t realize until now how badly he really needed this, Derek’s friendship, this closeness. Someone who knows him intimately and more importantly doesn’t take his shit.

“Hey. I’m sorry about Joyner,” Derek says to break the silence. It’s on both of their minds and Derek doesn’t want Hotch thinking that he’s glad she’s dead, or that he isn’t busted up about it. She died on his watch and he’s feeling the weight of it. He’s responsible, culpable. At least in his own mind. They might have had some friction but she was a good Agent and he hated the way everything went down. That she probably died thinking he was a hot head, an asshole. “How well did you really know her?” He heard Emily and JJ talking of course, he’d heard it all but he wants to hear it from Hotch’s mouth. He wants to get Hotch talking, make him open up before he suffocates.

“She came over and worked in Atlanta during the 1996 Summer Olympics when she was with Scotland Yard,” Hotch says, slowing his pace a little. He’s worn out. Pain is exhausting. “She was young and eager, we share a lot of the same traits.” His head is swimming and his chest feels tight. He realizes he just referred to her both in past and present tense and there’s a squeezing sensation as his heart thumps that he doesn’t like. “I was a new recruit with the Bureau and volunteered for some security detail, it seemed like an interesting assignment and would pad my resume. I joined later than most people do, I guess I wanted to make up for lost time. We met at that time and became friendly. When I joined the BAU she called me for a consult on a serial killer she had in London, they didn’t have the resources on behavioral science that we did. I wrote her a letter of recommendation when she decided she wanted to join the FBI not long after.”

“Did you keep in touch?”

“Not well. Haley admitted that she was threatened by my friendship with Kate, so out of respect for her I didn’t pursue it. I wouldn’t have…”

“I know. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“I think I do. I heard the way Prentiss and JJ were talking about Kate and I. And after the way things happened in New York, how the two of you...I owe you an explanation.”

“Nah. It’s good. Really. I never thought you slept with her, not if you were married to Haley. Now...whether you wanted to or not...well that’s none of my business, but I didn’t think you actually did.”

“Maybe an apology, then.”

“Yeah, I’d take an apology…” Derek smiles. He’s not sure he deserves to get one any more than he needs to give one, he thinks everything kind of came out in the wash. But if it’ll make Hotch feel better to offer it, he won’t turn it down. He’d been so angry. He could still feel the last embers of that fire in his belly, the way Hotch looked at him and told him to take a walk, told him it wasn’t his place...yeah an apology didn’t sound half bad.

“An apology then. I’m sorry, Derek. I should have been more open with you. Kate pulled me aside when we arrived and told me that they had their eye on you, that her job was on the line.”

Derek nods and picks up the pace when he sees that there’s a car pulled over beside theirs and someone looking in the windows. The road is deserted, there’s no reason for anyone to be out here unless they were broken down. He didn’t expect anyone to stop and couldn’t remember if he bothered to lock the vehicle. Wouldn’t that just be his luck? Break down on the side of the road and abandon a government vehicle full of case files and other sensitive materials with easy access. Like a big neon sign saying come rob me.

“Hang back a sec,” Derek says, and Hotch grunts his displeasure at being coddled.

“Derek, I’m perfectly capable of...”

“Dammit Hotch. Just listen to me for once okay?” He might be a little too sensitive, but after the case they just put a pin in he’s not sure he trusts anyone that isn’t on his immediate team. The world is fucked and he’s just trying to get them home safely. It feels like things are spinning wildly out of control, a car bomb, the ambulance, their SUV breaking down and now this guy wants to poke around in their business? He’s about to go off and he doesn’t even know what the guy is doing yet.

Derek’s hand is on his weapon as he approaches. He’s an open guy, loves to smile and make friends, but now is not the time. He might be feeling a little over protective of Hotch, and maybe that’s not even warranted but he’s going to listen to his gut right now and remain on alert.

“Saw the car pulled over, thought someone might need help…” The guy smiles, but his body language isn’t friendly. The way he stands tall feels like an attempt at intimidation.

“We’re good buddy. Already got a tow truck on the way. Thanks for checking.”

The man takes a step forward and stares Derek down. Even from his vantage point Hotch knows this is trouble – messing with Derek right now is bound to get messy. “How do I know this is your vehicle?”

Hotch’s head swims and his knees start to buckle. He stands there, comes completely still and he curses his body for its terrible timing. It takes this moment to turn on him? The smell of smoke still emanating from the car doesn’t help, it’s taking him back to a moment in time he’d rather forget. He plants his feet and considers reaching for his weapon too but for the time being, he listens to Derek. The sound of his voice. He’s still in control of the situation. The SUV is full of confidential documents, full of weapons, full of things this man shouldn’t see and he has no idea if he’s been picking through it. Derek is wracking his brain and for the life of him can’t remember if he locked the SUV before they left.

“It’s mine and that’s all you need to know. Back off.”

Derek and the other man are bristling now, too close for comfort. Derek produces the key fob and clicks it, flashing the lights on and then off with a sarcastic smile. Of course, it occurs to him a moment too late that now he’s clicked it he’ll never know if it was locked or unlocked when the interloper arrived. “See?”

“That don’t prove a thing. You coulda found those keys on the side of the road.”

Hotch is about two seconds from being sick all over the ground, and on sheer will alone he manages to produce his FBI credentials before he goes limping toward the two of them. His knees are about to buckle but he’s going to fix this situation without violence first. He’s in no condition to jump into a fist fight, let alone draw his weapon, but there will be no choice if the man goes after Derek.

“This vehicle is ours, sir. There’s a tow truck on the way to help us. I appreciate your concern but it’s under control.”

The man leers at Hotch, and then at his badge, and back at him skeptically. He’s a whole mess of a man with scrapes and bruises on his face, favoring one leg heavily, he looks like the kind of guy who broke out of a hospital. He wouldn’t be hard to take, and Hotch can see him calculating the risk while he studies the credentials. “We’ve got everthing under control.” Hotch repeats himself, a little more firm, rising up to his full height against the angry protest of broken ribs. Recognition flashes in the man’s features, he believes Hotch now. He looks like FBI, there’s not a question in the man’s mind as he takes in the suit and tie, the severity of his set features.

He hesitates though, one last flash of indecision. The items in the vehicle are tempting, whatever they are. And he wants to fight Derek, he wants to do that badly, maybe for no other reason than he doesn’t like his smug face. Still, he gets into his vehicle and drives off without another word, at least not another that either of them can hear. Derek rifles through their things, makes sure nothing is missing while Hotch collapses in the passenger seat with his head in his hands willing the lightheaded feeling and the intense screaming pain in his skull to pass. They never said he had a concussion but he’s no stranger to that, he knows exactly what it feels like.

“You locked it,” Hotch says quietly through his fingers, not looking up.

“You sure?”

Hotch doesn’t want to say why he’s sure, but his body knows he heard that sound. Every part of his body is certain. He felt it in his teeth. “I’m sure.”

Derek pops his head up from the file box in the back and studies Hotch curiously, like he’s putting it together somehow. PTSD. The letters float around and bash into one another in his head, they flash like a neon sign. Hotch is suffering and he doesn’t know how to help him, not out here. Maybe not at all. “You good?”

“I’m okay.”

“Does it ever occur to you not to lie?” Derek asks, sitting down on the edge of the bumper when he’s satisfied everything is intact. The SUV tilts his direction briefly and stabilizes. Hotch lets out a strangled laugh that makes his chest hurt. It would never occur to anyone but Derek to ask him a question like that. They might think it, but no one would ever say it. Not even Dave, he would just raise an eyebrow in that silent judgmental way he has but he wouldn’t make a peep. Derek blurts it out and damn the consequences.

“In my experience, it’s better this way.” He pauses and smirks. “Don’t profile that.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He’s already doing it. There’s no way around it. But he smiles and shrugs like it’s nothing important, like everything is casual and cool.

It’s closer to an hour by the time the tow truck finally shows up and Hotch is reclined in the passenger seat with his arm thrown over his eyes, sick to his stomach. The smell of smoke has permeated everything and he can’t get far enough away, it’s in his clothes now. His best bet has become simply not moving, instead focusing on breathing in and out through his mouth. Moving makes his head swim, makes his brain feel like its come dislodged. They’d been talking at first, but after a while Derek quieted down, like he thought Hotch might get some sleep if he just left him alone. When the driver arrives, Derek catches him before he even gets halfway to the SUV. They go through the paperwork together at the end of the tow truck, far enough away that their voices don’t carry all the way to the SUV. He knows Hotch isn’t asleep but operating under the guise that he’s helping in some way makes him feel better about the situation they have found themselves in.

“Hey,” Derek says, tapping Hotch gently on the shoulder. “He’s about to hook us up then we’re outta here.”

“Thanks.” Hotch doesn’t move until the SUV rocks beneath him and the sound of metal grating against metal fills the air. With one hand pressed against a sudden pulsing in his forehead, Hotch falls out of the side of the car and stumbles away as quickly as his legs will carry him. He’s aware that it probably looks funny, like Igor lurching through Dr. Frankenstein’s castle, but he can’t get away from the sound fast enough. Every scrape and bang makes his skull feel like it’s coming apart at the seams.

“Hotch?”

He raises his hand, tries to keep Derek back. He doesn’t want to be touched right now, he doesn’t want anyone near him. He walks away faster and leans against a tree, breath heaving angrily in his chest. It’s getting hard to pull in enough and he’s aware of just how close he is to passing out. His vision has narrowed to a pinpoint.

“He okay?” the driver asks, thumbing in the direction of Hotch when Derek walks back. He’s concerned, rattled, but he’s got to mask that and pretend like it’s fine. Just get them out of there. That’s his only objective, get them the hell off the side of the road. His only consolation through all of this is that he’s glad it’s him and not Agent Davis out here with Hotch. She’ll be glad when he tells her about it, too. Tells her how she dodged a bullet.

“Oh, uh yeah. Rough night. You know how it is.”

The driver chuckles and shakes his head like he gets it. Like it was a night of hard partying. Derek is content to let him think it’s as simple as a hangover. He wishes it was just a hangover. That this could be fixed with some Tylenol and hashbrowns.

“You guys need a ride somewhere or you got someone coming for ya?”

“If you got one,” Derek says with a smile. “We’ll take it.” He sprints over to where Hotch is hugging the tree for dear life and grabs him, practically pulling him toward the truck. “Guy thinks you’re rocking a wicked hangover. Just go with it.”

Hotch nods, or tries to anyway but the movement is too much so it’s stunted and he stops, miserably resting his forehead against Derek’s shoulder for a moment. He leans heavily on Derek while they walk, willing his body not to give out on him, not here on the side of the road, not in front of a perfect stranger. Doesn’t have much choice though, if it’s going to it’s going to and that’s just how it goes. He’s about out of energy to control the way things go.

In the truck, Derek slides into the middle seat and lets Hotch take the window. He rests his head against the cool glass and closes his eyes, hands clasped in his lap. Giving some kind of an image that he’s got it together, that he’s not a dead man walking. As the day wears on, he becomes more and more aware that there is more wrong with him than he’s been willing to admit or explore. All he wants is a bed and a few hours of sleep, convinced that will fix the worst of it.

The engine is too loud and Hotch instantly feels sick when the pain strikes. He can’t get away from it, he’s trapped in the truck and the sound is a hot knife picking around in his brain. The driver smiles and turns the radio on, unaware of Hotch’s plight. He’s not going to say anything. “There’s a little motel next to the truck stop a few miles up ahead. They can fix your car up at the mechanic shop a little further down, you boys can stay the night at the motel if you need to and there’s a greasy spoon right there too. One stop shop.”

“Good deal, man. Thanks for coming out. You’re a lifesaver.”

It’s hard to rest in someone else’s vehicle. They’ve seen too much. Derek does his best to form a sort of human shield between the driver and Hotch, just in case anything gets weird. Hotch is vulnerable and it’s just radiating off of him, he can’t hide it anymore. It’s going to be pretty obvious it’s more than just a hangover soon and no Derek doesn’t exactly think the tow truck driver is a serial killer but he’s still on edge. It’s in his nature to be suspicious.

So, he talks. He strikes up every conversation with the driver he can think of until they arrive at the mechanic shop. It’s an hour before they get there, and he’s not sure if Hotch slept a wink but he didn’t say one single word the whole time. He was just lost inside of his head, willing the pain to settle, willing his body not to give out entirely before he has somewhere to crash.

The mechanic shop is small, derelict vehicles practically piled up all around it. Half junkyard, half mechanic from the looks of it and the land it sits on stretches as far back as the eye can see. It doesn’t instill confidence in Derek that the mechanic shop is surrounded by acres of junked cars and trucks but he doesn’t have much choice. “You saw the motel we passed? It’s nothin’ special but they got beds.”

“I did,” Derek says, not giving it much thought. They can just call someone back at Quantico for a ride but he’s not going to say that. The guy has been more than helpful, he’s been kind, he had great taste in music. Derek found himself enjoying the ride when he could stop himself from worrying about Hotch for a minute or two.

“Hope it don’t take them too long to fix you boys up. Feel better, buddy. Get you some gatorade and some greasy food. They got biscuits and gravy over there that’ll cure anything.”

Hotch doesn’t think either of those things will fix his problems but he thanks the man anyway. What he really needs is a bed and a week long nap. He’s starting to feel completely detached from his life. Like he’s just out here bumping into things, un-tethered, and everything hurts.

While the mechanic checks out the vehicle, runs a complete diagnostic, Derek calls Penelope. He knows he should probably call Strauss first, or Rossi maybe but he calls Penelope because he’s about as anxious as he can possibly be and he needs to hear her voice. She’s been sending him a barrage of texts all morning, most of which he isn’t even seeing until right now because he’s been in and out of service.

“I can try to send a car but it’ll be about 6 hours before they can be there,” she says. “They’re all being used right now. That is if Strauss even approves it. She’s going to throw a fit about you guys breaking this car after what happened last night.”

“Yeah, like any of that last night was our fault. Plus we didn’t break this car, we didn’t do anything but drive it.”

“Be that as it may, sunshine, light of my life, she’s going to blow a gasket. Much like your vehicle. Do you want me to try and get someone up there? Or if you don’t mind waiting I can drive up when I finish here...”

“Six hours?” he asks, frustrated. “Nah. I don’t want you driving all the way up here like that and I don’t think Hotch will fit in your car anyway. We’ll just stay the night, drive this car back if they can get her road ready or figure something else out tomorrow. I don’t think Hotch is up for any more excitement. He’s dead on his feet, I just need to get him somewhere quiet and leave him be.”

“That bad?”

“I think the sound of the tow truck hooking up our SUV almost killed him. He’s a wreck.”

It’s a slow walk to the motel, and Derek is avoiding telling Hotch that there isn’t anyone coming to get them. Right now Hotch just thinks they’re going to find somewhere to sit, maybe grab a bite to eat and wait it out. He’s got to find a way to break it to him that they’re stranded. The way Hotch is walking, it’s doubtful he’ll mind much when met with the alternative: a bed. Right here. The motel looks quiet enough, nothing fancy but it’ll have a bed and a shower and by the looks of it, blackout curtains. It all seems like a recipe for sleep if he can get Hotch there without a fight. He doesn’t look he has any left in him.

“Is someone coming to pick us up?” Hotch asks.

“Nah. It was gonna be like 6 hours at best, then we got 4 more hours in the car. Garcia offered to drive up when she’s off work but I figure we just stay the night here and get back on the road in the morning, that guy said it should be an easy fix, at least enough to get us home in one piece.”

Hotch isn’t keen on the motel thing and the “one piece” bit doesn’t instill him with confidence, but Derek does make a good point about waiting until morning. He’s beat and as much as he’d like to tell Derek he’s fine, that excuse wore itself out hours ago.

The motel room has pink floral comforters and turquoise carpets. It’s an eyesore. The blankets are scratchy and thin, and the rooms smell like cigarette smoke but Derek was right, the blackout curtains covered a multitude of sins. They could sleep the afternoon and the night away if they so desired. They were able to splurge with their per diem and each get their own room, adjoined by a thin door just in case. Derek insists that the door remain unlocked, just in case. Strength in numbers. He’s really just laser focused on the fact that Hotch isn’t as okay as he wants everyone to believe.

“You hungry? There’s a greasy spoon attached...I could go for a burger and fries. We can try to blow your hangover away.”

Hotch forces a smirk at that and nods. He is hungry, and the last meal he ate was long enough ago that he couldn’t remember exactly when or what it was. And if he eats then he can take the percocet the doctor so kindly prescribed. That should have been a dead giveaway that his body was a complete mess if the doctor, who barely had a chance to look him over, would prescribe such big guns.

The diner is small, only a few booths scattered inside of a dark room. The roar of the semi-truck engines outside the window echoes in Hotch’s head and he rests his head on his hand, covering his painful ear carefully. Trying to be casual about it so he doesn’t alarm Derek. The man has been making too much fuss today. Touching it hurts but that’s less than when sound enters therefore better.

“What happened in the ambulance?” Hotch asks, sliding a fry absentmindedly through his ketchup. He wasn’t as hungry when he sat down as he thought so he stuck with a turkey sandwich and a side of fries. A safe bet. Derek talks on the third pass through the red glob, waiting for Hotch to finally put the damn thing in his mouth instead of playing with it.

“Garcia blocked the cell signal with her crazy magic just long enough for me to get the ambulance away from people. I jumped out and booked it out of there just before the thing went up. Don’t think I’ve ever run so fast in my life. You know those stories about the moms lifting cars off of their kids to save their lives? It felt like that. An out of body kind of thing I guess. I jumped and rolled and somehow got right to my feet and just ran like fuckin’ Forest Gump. Wish you coulda seen it.”

“Are you hurt?”

“Nah, I’m alright. A little sore but it’s all good. This is what I work out for, right? I got far enough away before it went up.” He pauses and sips his water, willing Hotch to just eat the damn fry. The poor thing is about ready to break off and sink into the ketchup like it was quicksand. “You would have died, Hotch.”

“What?”

“I know you were gonna do it and there is no way you would have gotten away from it in time. You can barely walk. As soon as we realized what was going on, I knew you were gonna try to drive it outta there and everyone would have let you. Hell, you drove it in, you already knew the thing, and you’re Hotch. Right? They all think you can’t get hurt, you’re invincible, nothing happens to Hotch. No one would have argued with you.”

“You would have.”

“You’re damn right I would have, but you know what happens then? We die arguing. Everyone dies. The arguments we get into get pretty epic. No time for that, man. I had to stop it before it got to that. If you want, we can go at it now.”

“I don’t.” He finally bites into the fry and Derek grins like he’s just won a prize.

“Not even a little? Come on...I know you’ve got something to say...”

“You already win.”

Yeah, Derek thinks. Hotch is in bad shape. Not even willing to argue.

Derek wants to say something else, something helpful or positive, he’s not sure exactly what but he’ll wing it...his phone buzzes just before he has a chance to open his mouth. Hotch takes the opportunity to drag himself out of the booth and limp toward the hostess stand to pay the tab. Derek sighs and glances down at his phone, not overly interested in answering it but it’s Spencer and he can’t let that just go to voicemail. He’d feel awful. Spencer has been sending him texts all day too, worried and kind of desperate ones.

“Are you okay?” he asks, clearly agitated when Derek picks up. He doesn’t even start with hello. His voice is a high-pitch whine in Derek’s ear. “Garcia told me your car broke down. I can come get you. Just tell me where you are.”

“It’s fine kid. We got this little roadside motel we’re gonna shack up in and our car should be good by morning. I think Hotch is glad not to be in a car. He probably needed another day of rest before travel.”

“Well a car did just blow up in his face. How is he anyway?”

Derek sighs and watches Hotch move slowly toward the restroom. He’s limping hard on his left leg, using the backs of the booths for support when there isn’t anyone sitting there.

“Not good. He won’t say anything of course, but he’s in bad shape.”

“Watch for signs of PTSD.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s a little early, but I’m looking.”

“What about you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah kid, I’m fine. Got some bumps and bruises, found some grass and twigs in my boxers when I went to bed last night...looked like I got into a fight with Sasquatch or something but I’m good.”

“You guys are too much alike.”

“No, I’m serious. I’m okay. I got away from the thing before it exploded, ran like hell. I tumbled a little in the grass and breathed in some smoke but I’m good. Promise.”

Reid keeps him on the phone a little longer, and Derek is pretty sure he’s being profiled through their conversation but he lets it happen anyway. If it makes Reid feel better to do it, he won’t argue. He’s not hiding anything.

They walk back to the motel in amiable silence, hardly any space between them on the stretch of broken sidewalk between the diner and their rooms. At almost timed intervals, Hotch seems to dip, like his knee is giving out on him and Derek twitches, ready to reach out and catch him if he goes down. It’s not a fun game to play.

It’s hardly late afternoon, way too early for bed in Derek’s book but Hotch looks beat so he doesn’t argue about retiring in the daylight even if it makes him feel like a geezer. “What’s your plan?” he asks, fitting his key in the lock. Hotch takes a minute, fumbling with his own key and shrugs.

“A shower and sleep.”

“Yeah, shower does sound good. I can still smell the smoke on my clothes.”

Hotch nods and hopes that Derek won’t look too far into that himself, it’ll just make him come through that door that adjoins their rooms every half hour to check on him. He’s doing everything he can to avoid Derek’s scrutiny. It’s all well-meaning, he’s not doing it for work, he’s doing it because he cares but Hotch isn’t ready to address anything except the immediate pain in his head and the smell of smoke on his clothes. And even then, he’s willing only to do that in private.

“You get a hankerin’ for pie or something later, give me a shout okay? Doesn’t look like there’s much nightlife here but we could watch a movie or something.”

“Sure.”

Derek is in the shower before anything else. The minute his door is shut he’s throwing his bag on the bed and turning on the hot water. He’s not worried about anything other than just washing off the day. The smell of smoke and motor oil are pungent enough to make him gag if he thinks about it too long. Getting under the spray of water and forgetting, relaxing, is all he wants. Hotch is as safe as he can be tucked into his hotel room, and Derek can hear him on the other side of the thin wall moving around.

The hot water rushes over his sore shoulder and he rotates it, loosening angry muscles. No clicking. He’s not hurt, not badly, just sore. Exactly like he said.

At his feet, soap suds collect near the drain in little cloud mountains. The drain is slow and the tub is collecting a little more water than he’d prefer. As he stares down at the suds, he pushes his toes through them and over the drain cover to see if there is something obscuring it. His toe touches something with a lot more substance than bubbles and as he pulls his foot back, it moves. He tells himself that it’s just his mind playing tricks on him. There’s nothing there.

But then it moves again and he takes a step back so he can bend over and get a better look. That was a mistake. He realizes it once he’s hunched over, catches a glimpse of something like a worm swish in the water and beady eyes blinking up at him, calm and collected. It’s a mouse, and it’s in the damn shower with him. He takes another step back but this one is hastier and he doesn’t pay attention to anything, his eyes are locked on the mouse.

He hears the snap before he feels the metal slicing his heel, scraping and pulling at the taut skin. A mouse trap, he’s just stepped on a mouse trap and now he’s crashing to the ground more out of surprise than pain. As he lands with a deafening thud, he does the only thing he can think to do. The only thing he’s ever thought to do in situations like this since joining the BAU.

It comes out so naturally it never occurs to him not to.

“HOTCH! HOTCH!”

He wishes he hadn’t done it immediately. Hotch is hurt, he doesn’t need this shit, but it’s done and he can already hear the door that adjoins their rooms flying open. It’s too late. All he can think to do is throw his hands over his dick, hide what he can before Hotch is in the bathroom and throwing the curtain back.

His gun is aimed right at Derek, right at his junk. “Woah, woah, hey,” Derek says automatically, turning away from the gun like that’ll do any good.

“What is it?!” Hotch asks, lowering his weapon, glancing frantically around the room to catch a sight of what could have scared Derek so badly. For a second he wonders whether he actually heard anything or if his mind was playing tricks on him. The thought chills him to the bone. If he’s just broken in on Derek in the middle of a shower for no reason…

“Sorry man, I’m sorry...there’s a damn mouse...I panicked…”

Hotch sees the twitch in the bubbles, sees the tail and reaches for it. His hand snaps forward, fingers pinching through soap suds and he comes up with the mouse dangling in his grip. The thing seems so calm and collected it doesn’t even flip around in his hand, it just hangs there. His lips twitch at the corners and he smiles, turning toward the door to walk it outside. Catch and release. Though he has his doubts about how long it’ll stay outside. A few minutes, maybe.

Derek’s chest heaves and he grunts, trying to sit himself upright with some dignity. There’s a mouse trap digging into his back dangerously close to his ass and he’s not exactly thrilled with this situation. Hotch comes back in once he’s gotten out and wrapped a towel around his waist.

“You’re bleeding.” There is blood on the floor behind Derek’s foot and he glances down at it, craning his neck to see the damage.

“The trap snapped my heel.”

Hotch waits for more, an explanation, a wild story, but he gets nothing. Derek is still on edge, staring at the tub like it might sprout legs and start walking around.

“There are traps in my room too,” Hotch offers finally. “I didn’t see any mice, but I called the front desk. They have an exterminator coming tomorrow.”

“They couldn’t say anything when we checked in huh?”

Hotch shrugs and leans against the counter for support. He’s been getting dizzy spells all day but they’re coming more frequently now. “She said she’ll comp our rooms.”

“This is fucked.”

Derek can’t believe how unbothered Hotch is over this entire ordeal. Before he has a chance to ask why he’s so calm about it, he hears a scraping sound behind him and looks back to find a mouse slipping down the sloped wall of the tub. “I can’t sleep here.”

“You can stay in my room. Strength in numbers.”

Then it hits him. The way Hotch stands with his hand planted against the counter, the way he sways a little on his feet, he’s taken his percocet. He’s half cocked on pain meds. The thought makes Derek laugh, and feel both jealous and guilty all at once. He was ready to zonk out in bed when Derek shrieked his name and even in the state he’s currently in...he came running. Damn that big softy, Derek thinks. He’s kind of cute in his slacks and t-shirt though.

“You sure?”

“Get your bag. Hurry up.”

Hotch’s room looks lived in. Torn apart. The blankets are pulled entirely off the bed and left in a heap at the foot, chair on top of the desk, the furniture pulled away from the walls where he could get it. It looks like Axl Rose and a bottle of top shelf whiskey got paid to do the housekeeping. Derek has to laugh at the absurdity. “You checked for mice huh?”

“There’s a trap beside the trash can, saw it right away.” His words slur just the smallest amount, and Derek detects a hint of the south in the accent that slides with it. “No mice. So far.” What Hotch doesn’t say, what he only implies, is that he’d planned to be passed out before any of them made an appearance. Out of sight out of mind.

“I’d say I’ll take the floor but that is not happening. We’re getting cozy.”

“Be my guest.”

Hotch falls asleep almost immediately. Derek finds the remote and clicks around aimlessly through channels, stopping for a while on jewelry infomercials and spaghetti westerns that hold his interest only mildly. Every so often he glances over at Hotch who looks almost peaceful with his head cradled in his arms against the thin pillow. He’s curled up beneath the papery sheets and the scratchy comforter like it’s the most comfortable nest in the world and Derek finds himself more than a little frustrated and jealous. He’s buzzing, he won’t be sleeping a wink, which really doesn’t work because he’s got to drive in the morning as long as their car is ready to go. No way Hotch is in any condition to get behind the wheel.

He’s certain he won’t sleep but eventually it does happen, he nods off while he’s still sitting up and watching a Jackie Chan movie marathon. His chin tucks into his chest and he leans slightly to the side as his eyes slip shut.

They sleep for hours while the world continues buzzing right outside. The late afternoon sun gives way to a deep orange blaze of sunset that melts like a popsicle on hot cement as it drips in beneath their blackout curtains. Derek is lost in some kind of fiery dream he’ll barely remember when he hears a thud and a whimper beside him. His first thought is mouse, huge fucking mutant mouse and his eyes shoot open.

“Hotch?” he asks, patting the empty place on the bed beside him when he realizes he’s alone. “Hotch where are you?”

He can hear it before his eyes adjust, Hotch dragging himself along the turquoise carpet miserably toward the bathroom while he gags, trying to fight off the sick. Derek leans over the edge of the bed and squints, watching the shadow of his friend move and then the bathroom door closes and he’s on the outside listening to it.

Hotch sounds miserable. There’s no hiding it, no pretending it’s anything but what it is. Derek knows that Hotch has a concussion and with that comes a slew of symptoms that neither of them has done a very good job of managing or even acknowledging.

When he comes back, he’s on his feet but just barely. Derek pretends he didn’t see him crawling, pretends he hasn’t spent the last fifteen minutes listening to him getting sick. His instinct is to once again ask if he’s okay, but that’s a pretty stupid question at this point and all he’ll get for his trouble is a lie.

“Rumble in the Bronx…” Hotch rasps through his raw throat, all but collapsing on his side of the bed. “Haley’s sister Jessica loves this movie.”

“It’s a classic.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t recommend you for the job,” Hotch says on the verge of tears, completely out of the blue. One minute it’s Jackie Chan, the next it’s a sob fest. Derek can’t keep up no matter how hard he tries. Hotch’s head hurts worse than it has all day, like someone is pulling his skull apart with a crowbar. There is no relief except what little he can do to distract himself, and sleep isn’t going to do the trick. Not now. So he’s going to try talking. “I should have. It was childish.”

“What was childish?”

“I didn’t want you to leave. It was never about Kate. I just don’t want to lose you…”

“Lose me?” Derek asks, his heart leaping into his throat. He’s a little concerned that this sudden outpouring of emotion means something is terribly wrong so he mutes the television and turns to focus on Hotch half-expecting to watch him having a stroke or something equally terrifying. But he just looks normal. Drained, half-lidded eyes sensitive to the small amount of sunlight seeping into the room but nothing alarming. “Hotch, all I ever do is fight with you. You’re gonna miss me being a pain in your ass?”

Hotch nods and lets his half-lidded eyes slip closed. He can tell Derek wants to argue, wants him to bristle a little. He wants to see that he’s okay but his head is splitting and he doesn’t have the energy to keep up with that. It’s an abrupt change of course, avoiding the inevitable argument and he just barely manages it. “Do you remember the room we got in Idaho? When someone finally found us out on that highway and gave us a ride to town?”

“Do I ever. That place was worse than this one. The water ran brown and there were cockroaches everywhere. They were in the fuckin’ fridge.”

“I’ll take mice over cockroaches,” Hotch whispers, pressing his face into the pillow. The pressure on his forehead feels almost soothing. “Your feet had to hurt as bad as mine, but you walked down to that gas station and bought bottles of water and a bag of ice and that styrofoam cooler so we could soak our feet in water that wasn’t brown.”

“Nothing ever felt as good as that ice. I’ve never had sex that felt better and I’ve had some good damn sex.”

Hotch smiles a little wistfully while his stomach knots. “We used the whole box of bandaids in my go-bag.”

“My feet never hurt so bad in my life.”

“Me neither. Derek,” Hotch says, rolling on his side. It takes all of his strength to make his body move that way and the pressure change in his head is instant and furious. He takes a couple calculated breaths before he’s able to continue. He just has to say this...it’s important and getting the words out might just kill him, he’s starting to get that panicky feeling that comes with the knowledge that the injury he’s been ignoring for days might be more serious than he wanted to admit. Either that or his mind is shot to shit. He has no idea. It could just be panic, it could be the sound of the trucks outside putting him on edge. He can barely tell up from down anymore. “I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You keep saying that you’re gonna lose me…isn’t it up to me if I even go? Who says I want that job anyway?”

Hotch looks up at him and offers him a sad little smile. The tears in his eyes might be from the swell of emotion or the intensity of the pain in his head, he’s not sure at this point. “I would be lost without you. Everyone thinks I can’t be hurt, you said it yourself. They all have this idea that I’m invincible, and I am only able to be that way because you’re beside me. Look what happens when…”

“None of this happened because of anything you did. You know that.”

“Maybe if my judgment hadn’t been so clouded, if I hadn’t been so focused on Kate keeping her job I would have seen what was happening sooner.”

“None of us saw it. This isn’t on you. We’re a team and we failed collectively.”

It’s not within Hotch to believe something like that, not when everything stacks up in his favor. But Derek is trying to cheer him up and he’s not in any shape to mope around, he’s got bigger problems than etching what-ifs into his conscious. He’s got a splitting headache and all he wants to do is sleep it off, his eyes are practically closing of their own accord now. It’s probably the worst concussion he’s ever had and that’s saying a lot, he’s had some real winners.

“Are we cool?” Derek asks, tossing the remote onto his nightstand. Hotch doesn’t have an opportunity to answer before two mice come darting out from beneath their bed at the sound and Derek nearly jumps out of his skin. He slides quickly to the center of the bed, crashing into Hotch’s prone form and Hotch can’t help but let out a small laugh. He thinks it’s kind of cute the way this big strong man who can face down the biggest monsters humanity has to offer is terrified of these tiny little creatures. Slowly he drags himself upright and rests his aching back against the headboard.

“There’s one on my side too,” he adds, figuring Derek will want to know that. He saw it when he fell out of bed and dragged himself to the toilet. There’s at least one mouse between them and the bathroom and that seems like a pretty big deal now that Derek is practically clinging to him. “They have us surrounded.”

“I’m never sleeping. It’s all I can hear. I can’t close my eyes.”

“You should have stayed a little closer to the ambulance when it exploded, your hearing could be ruined like mine. I don’t hear anything, and even if I did the headache makes it impossible to think about anything else.”

Derek makes a sarcastic ha-ha-ha and leans against Hotch. They’re cool, he knows it now. Whatever weirdness had settled between them was gone now. “You remember how we passed the night in Idaho?”

Hotch gives Derek that little smile that only shows some of his teeth, it’s a little devious and not many people get to see it. Derek likes to think that this smile belongs to him. “I might need a refresher. Head injury and all.”

“Oh. Yeah. Head injury...you gonna milk that all night?”

He really wants Derek to kiss him right now. It’s all he can think about, the only thought rattling around inside his skull. It bypasses the circuits of pain and takes center stage. After everything he’s done and said, after everything with Kate, he can’t be the one to reach out and make that first move. It’ll be too much.

Derek knows it too. He knows it and he wants it, but he’s having a little fun teasing. He leans forward, pressing their foreheads together and whispers something Hotch can feel against his lips but he can’t hear. And Derek knows damn well he can’t hear it above the high-pitch ringing in his ears. Asshole. Hotch swallows hard and decides he’s going to take the bait, whether he heard what Derek said or not.

He’s right there. No space between them, nothing else to do with this moment. He’s got a bruised jaw and a split lip, a headache that’s bordering on emergency level pain even for him...what he really needs is another painkiller and some sleep but what he wants is Derek and at this point he thinks he’s made that pretty damn clear.

Derek gets to it before Hotch decides to. The contact is soft and sweet, a little hesitant until he feels Hotch move with him, hears the small strangled sound in the back of his throat that tells him all he needs to know. He’s gentle, hand cupping Hotch’s jaw, his lower lip sliding between teeth, all breath and heartbeat and Hotch can feel the warmth spreading down the length of his spine. He’s trying to play it cool but Derek can sense it, the way Hotch presses harder into the touch. Like it’s inconceivable that Derek could let him go, could break the connection. He presses into it like it’s giving him sustenance.

“Ringing a bell?” Derek asks between kisses, one hand sliding down Hotch’s arm, gripping his wrist, pulling him in. Hotch hums and nods, smiling into the litany of small kisses that he hopes are leading to something bigger, deeper, something that’ll erase every memory and every sensation that isn’t Derek.

“Getting there…”

Derek is content to spend all night reminding him of that time in Idaho, a time when everything was simpler. Hotch and Haley hadn’t been married yet, they’d decided to take some time apart before taking the plunge. Carefree time to explore what else was out there, just in case...and Hotch found Derek out there and that was good, so good, but too complicated. He isn’t sure it isn’t still too complicated. It’s probably worse now, he’s got an ex-wife and a child and more responsibility...but he’s also got a newfound appreciation for how quickly it can all be taken from you, too. He lost Kate and nearly died himself the night before, and if that isn’t enough to tell him how fast things change he’s not sure he’ll ever learn that lesson. Derek is here right now and his kisses are just as intoxicating now as they ever were, and he’s pretty sure that the New York job will remain unfilled for the time being...so, complicated or not, it’s a chance worth taking.

They’re content to continue this slow, quiet reintroduction to their past while ignoring the mice that skitter around in their carpet. In the morning they’ll call Penelope and ask her to send them a car and a driver, neither of them will be in any condition to drive...instead, they’ll sit in the back seat and sleep all the way back home.

And after that? Who knows. They’re not going to make plans, they’ll just wait and see. Things change pretty damn fast.

[practically-an-x-man]

— “not that i’m not enjoying being used as your pillow, but i think we’d be more comfortable in bed.”

Oooh alright! This is a really cute prompt (one of my favorites from the list tbh) so I'm struggling to pick out which couple I want to write this for. I'm thinking... hm, I'm still on that Eris and Rick kick, and they could use some fluff after that angst piece I wrote before, so let's go with that.

____ Late Nights

Word Count: 1.1k Content Warnings: none! (I guess a little swearing and teasing?) ____

It had been a difficult mission. No casualties, thank goodness, but it had been 72 continuous hours of crowded transit, drawn-out fights, and whining ex-cons. Blackguard alone was enough to drive them both half-mad, and it nearly earned him the point of Eris' spear. Rick had stopped her just in time, but... if she was going to lose her patience with anyone on the squad, he'd probably be missed the least. Insubordinate prick. Almost made Rick yearn for his military days.

But they'd all made it back safe, with ten years knocked off their sentences, and it meant Rick earned himself another night of semi-peaceful sleep.

Though he wasn't doing that just yet. The adrenaline of that last fight hadn't quite worn off, and it left him feeling too restless to sleep. They'd been caught by surprise right at the end of the mission, surrounded, and it would've meant the slaughter of the team if Eris hadn't pulled out their final stop.

Archaic magic. Shape-changing. He'd never fully understood it. But it saved the team, though it left Eris exhausted in the aftermath. Rick had almost had to carry him back to the plane - he was so drained his legs barely functioned.

From there she'd dozed: on the plane, on the bus to Belle Reve, in Rick's truck back to the apartment. Even here, now safe and sound in his living room, they lay half-covering his body, their face buried in his chest. The television droned on, some late-night sitcom rerun he'd flicked on just to fill the silence. Rick ran his fingers through Eris' hair, the touch just enough to make them sigh.

"Y'know, for the personification of strife, or whatever the hell you claim to be..." he murmured, "You're damn cute when you sleep."

"Mm. M'not cute." Eris mumbled, her voice almost lost against the fabric of his shirt. Rick almost chuckled.

"Right now y'are, darlin'."

"Could... could cut off your head... wouldn't even know it till you saw your body land next t'you," he responded, his voice still half-slurred with sleep. Rick wasn't even sure he knew what he was saying. He ran his hand over their back in slow circles, smiling when Eris burrowed in a little closer.

"I'm sure you could," Rick agreed, completely honest, "But you won't."

"Hm. Try me."

"Do it, then."

"Tomorrow." Eris sighed, "Just you wait. You're done for, Flag."

"Sure I am. Shame, too. I was gonna make French toast." he replied without moving an inch, "Guess you'll just have to steal the wallet off my dead body and go buy yourself breakfast instead."

"Maybe I could..." they drawled, the words punctuated by a yawn, "Save it for the afternoon. Lunchtime murder."

"I'll mark my calendar."

"S'yer own damn fault," Eris mumbled, just a few moments later, "You're the one who keeps bringing... fuckin'.... m'mortal metas home to bed with you. Some point you gotta, just... expect to get'cher head chopped off."

"Yeah, I know. Occupational hazard." he agreed, faintly amused at the whole conversation. His fingers traced idle patterns over Eris' bare back and shoulders, following the lines of a few old scars. Some of them, he knew, could have been older than he was - older than his whole family line, even. The thought bent strangely at his mind. Eris had always appeared his age, even a few years younger - younger in appearance at least, though their features had a strangely ancient quality to them. The closest he'd ever seen in the modern world was in Egypt, or perhaps Türkiye, and even that was a bit... shifted.

"Y've got... concerning taste." Eris' muffled voice pulled him from his thoughts, and this time Rick couldn't stifle the low laugh that rose in his chest.

"I'm aware."

" 'N I need to get your French toast recipe." she added the moment later, the words still dragging with sleep.

"It's just bread and eggs, babe."

" 'N vanilla. The good vanilla."

"Yeah, alright, and vanilla. And a little nutmeg n' cinnamon. And a couple other things." he explained, "I can show you how to make it tomorrow. Better not leave you hanging after I'm missin' my head and all."

"Hm. I won't make it as good as you," Eris protested, shifting a little in his grip. Rick rested his hand on the back of their head, scratching his nails lightly over their scalp. Eris hummed in contentment, a sound that almost reminded him of a purr.

"You will. It's not that hard."

"Shut up, Flag. 'M tryna save your life."

"Right. 'Course. Forget I said anything." he replied, amused. Eris' back hitched, and he realized a moment later that she was laughing. It made him smile. He imagined that this was what had drawn him in from the beginning. He'd met them out on the battlefield, of course - and they were just as terrifying there as they'd always been - but he'd asked them out for a drink in exchange for saving his life, and that was where he'd gotten to see this softer side for the first time.

And he still stood by his words. Eris was cute when he was sleepy. It was awfully disarming.

"Alright, well..." Rick muttered, stretching for the remote to shut off the television. It left the room dark and near-silent, and Eris grumbled his protest. Rick ran his fingers through his hair once again, savoring its soft curls. "Not that I'm not enjoying being used as your pillow, but I think we'd be more comfortable in bed."

"Mm. Stop chasing me away."

"I think I'm doing the opposite," he pointed out, shifting to sit up as he spoke, "Besides, weren't you the one who told me to stop putting metahumans in my bed?"

"Think I meant... stop putting succubi in your bed," Eris corrected, "M'not a succubus. Doesn't count."

Rick fought hard to bite back his smile. Eris, who would push and taunt and bite but at the end of the day really did want to be near him, who'd make up any sort of excuse to admit he didn't have that fondness, who insisted time and time again that he wasn't cute, he wasn't soft, that he'd most likely kill him in the morning...

"So a war god's safe to put in my bed? 'Cause I can just leave you here, if that's what you want..." Rick let his arms loosen around them, just enough for emphasis. Eris' fingers caught his bicep in an instant, holding him before he could get too far. Rick again bit back a smile.

"Discord. Not war." Eris muttered, tracing her finger along the tattoos on his bicep, " 'N I'm not a god, n' I'm not safe. But I'll... I'll make n'exception for you."

"I'm honored." he said, and lifted them into his arms, "Here we go, darlin'."

[dwarf-vader-of-middle-earth]

So y'all, I have some possible good news tonight.

When I was in school, every dreaded moment there was hell on Earth. It's a small town, with one elementary, one middle, and one high school. No alternatives available unless you pay a boatload, and drive out of town daily to attend. There's no way else to reach those schools. Everyone who goes to this town most often goes to those three schools and graduates from them, most starting kindergarten and ending 12th grade there and never moving between.

But through the hell that it was, my only saving grace was my friends. And most of them I still keep close contact with to this day.

However, I had one friend. I'll call her J.

I'd met J in 1st grade, and we stuck together ever since. But as we approached high school, I learned more about J. Her situation at home. Her horrible parents who cut off all outside contact capabilities, would not give her a phone, forbade her from accessing any electronic devices whatsoever, forbade her from having social media of any sort, etc. Despite how small our town was, I had not a clue which house she lived in, only the general location. J was seeking an escape, any way out, and I tried my damndest to help her for years but there was nothing I could do.

No less, J and I stuck together the whole way. She saw me through my darkness of fighting dysphoria, coming out, and receiving 7 denials for testosterone, through my many years long diagnosis of the mystery diseases I had which turned out to be lupus and arthritis, and she saw me through my bulimia and got the nurses in the school to help me when I was too scared to reach out and get any help.

J was my best friend of best friends in school.

But graduation was our goodbye. On that football field where the ceremony was held, she and I smiled and posed for a picture that is all but lost as far as I'm aware. We hugged, separated, and that was it. My lifelong friend and I haven't seen one another since. And just as before, I had no way to reach her, no way to find her, and nowhere to contact her safely if I did know her location. For all I knew, she'd gone through with her plans to fly to Florida and join the workforce. I had no idea.

But the internet is a great friend. I thought for a while about doing one of those people searches, but last I'd done one was like 2014, and that was about as accurate as flying cars.

Today I decided on a total whim to try searching again. This time, for J.

And there, I found an address and phone number. After some more cautious digging, I found the phone number belongs to her mother, so that was a no-go. But the address for J? It was apart from her parents, her family. Nobody she's related to lives with her.

So I went ahead, and I wrote a good ol' fashioned letter. Addressed to J, at her new place.

And at the end, I remembered I had one photo. It's from our high school years, when she and I went on a marching band trip together 11 hours away from home by bus. On the trip itinerary was a small cruise that left the harbor for a few hours and sailed us around the water for a bit, then came back. But at the entrance, everyone's picture was taken with their friends.

Me and J had ours taken together.

At the end of the ride, the company sold the printed photos for $20 each. It was all I had, $20. Nothing more. But I used it all to buy that photo, because something inside told me to hold onto it. Never lose it.

I scanned that photo tonight and made a copy, then enclosed it with J's letter. But just as well, seeing as I've changed my appearance quite a bit since then, I enclosed a photo of myself from last month.

I didn't even realize it until after I compared both photos for a moment.

Go back almost a decade, I'm wearing the same exact vest, and the same exact Mjolnir, as I am here and now, in 2024. I may have changed in a lot of ways, but all the same, so much has remained the same.

And I just think. And I hope. I hope my letter reaches J safely, and that she reaches out to me, and knows I'm still the same old Magnus she loved and knew back then.

And all the same, I hope to see her better than she was, happier, and free. I wish her the best constantly, and maybe I'll find out. I'll be waiting...

Here's to hope, and friendship. The only things that have kept me alive since forever. And most of all, here's to hoping J and I find each other again, after so many years apart.

[woodworkzz]

Guard dog

(Based on @maestro-of-clockwork 's April fools event)

This is just a little drabble I wrote on the bus, because borzoi Tony lives in my head rent free. Please enjoy.

Antonio had recently found out that Sketchbook was going to a party with some close acquaintances. Nothing too great, just a house reunion with some snacks, it seems. As much as he'd love to accompany her, he recognizes it'd be a very inconvenient time for him to appear.

However, he still kept a close eye on her. Antonio would never forgive himself if something bad were to happen to his dear little Sketchbook. Something out of his control, that is.

After a few hours of chatting and eating tiny pastries (she ate so little... He wondered why), Sketchbook admitted her tiredness and said goodbye to the group. Many people offered to walk home with her, claiming that the streets could be unsafe at such an hour, but Sketchbook declined. Her house was near, it wasn't an issue, she claimed.

Now, Antonio could agree with her friends on that. It was dangerous for a young lady such as her to be walking alone late at night. He knew her to be a selfless and polite young woman, but she shouldn't ignore her own safety for others' convenience. That simply wouldn't do.

Luckily, he was there to take her home. But of course, Sketchbook wouldn't be pleased to see him, nor would she feel safe. It was a shame, truly, that she hadn't been able to trust him just yet. But he supposed he couldn't blame her.

That's when an idea came to him. Now, if there was something that he learnt during that silly April Fools stunt, is that humans seem to adore their domesticated animals. Even though his followers knew of his deeds and morale, he was appraised extensively the day he stood on four paws instead of two feet. He supposed "cuteness" could take him a long way.

Now, he couldn't say having his bare feet — or rather, bare paws — on the cold pavement was very pleasant, and having a tail was certainly a unique experience, but his daughter's safety was of utmost importance at the moment.

He waited until she got a good distance away from the house, and none of her friends were watching. Once the last person went back inside the house, Antonio leaped over the bushes where he hid and dashed after her, the night dead silent except for his claws tapping against the pavement.

As he approached her, he slows down to a trot. It was such a strange sight: Sketchbook, usually so small and frail compared to himself, now towered over him.

He reached a thin, blonde paw towards her. It was meant to be a gentle tap, but his lack of motor coordination made it into a halfhearted swat against her knee.

She looks down with an expression of surprise, and his ears perk up. Was his disguise lackluster? Could she see right through his facade?

"Oh, hello you!" She exclaims. "Are you lost? You don't seem like a stray..."

Oh, if only she knew. He sat down beside her, hoping that the message came across.

"Ah, I'm... Not your owner. You know that, right? Well," She sighs, looking around. "Seems like we're both alone... I can keep you inside for the night, and we'll find your owner tomorrow, alright? Come with me."

With that she resumed walking, and Antonio followed closely. The walk home was rather uneventful, and soon they reach Sketchbook's doorstep. She unlocks the door and he contently trots inside, watching as she enters her home and locks the door behind her.

He leaps onto the couch, resting his snout on the armrest as he lies down. He couldn't deny it, human furniture feels much more comfortable when one is smaller than the average human.

"I'm sorry, I don't have any food for you," She says, heading towards the kitchen. "But I could get you some water..."

"Thank you, dear, but there's no need."

Once she had turned her back, he had taken the opportunity to shift back to his original form. By the sound of something falling to the floor, it seemed she had recognized his voice immediately.

She spies out of the kitchen and stares at him in horror, clutching the doorway as if holding tight onto anything would make him disappear. It was a pitiable sight.

"I'm sorry for showing up unannounced and out of schedule, my dear," He stands up, dusting off his suit. "But I just couldn't let you walk home alone in the middle of the night. I'd never forgive myself if something were to happen to you."

His gloved hand rests on her cheek, and she flinches. "The dog... That was you?"

Antonio can't help but chuckle. She had always been so nervous... It wasn't without a good reason, though.

"Indeed, my dear. I know you aren't too fond of me just yet," He frowns. "So I thought I'd take on a more agreeable form to deliver you home. Again, I apologize for the intrusion, but I just wanted to make sure you arrived home safely."

His long fingers settle her hair down, tucking the pale white strands behind her ears. "I'll leave you be now, I'm sure you have plenty of things to do tomorrow. I'll come visit next week."

He places a kiss on Sketchbook's forehead. "Have a good night, my dear."

And with that, he vanishes into thin air.

[drkcnry67]

This...

Title: this...

Pairing: Jensen x reader

A.f.g.d: "love you? Don't make me laugh!"

A.f.g.f: free space (soulmates)

A.f.g.b: enemies to lovers

Spn fluff: enemies to lovers

Spn kink: hand cuffs

H&H: "it's time you got know how it feels to be betrayed"

Rating: 18+ just to be safe

Tags: possibly some sexual mentions, enemies to lovers, rival families, undercover meet ups, secret exchanges, soulmate countdown on your wrist... think that's all for now...

Summery: nope not telling

"on this the 14th of September 2012, a set of numbers appeared on my wrist, 95 days, 19hours, 17 minutes, 25seconds. today i guess i am gonna have to start preparing myself to meet my soulmate, the person im meant to be with for the rest of my life. i will do this the only way i can, by allowing myself to undertake as much responsibility as possible. today will be good, i promise. signed, YN."

that was your morning journal entry, what you wrote you couldnt believe it yourself. the numbers on your wrist, you needed to hide it for as long as possible.

Your line of work was dangerous, being a crime scene investigator certainly made your job interesting.

But a few months ago you found out that a family of vamps resided in your territory. You were walking home one evening and were jumped by one such vamp little did you know that you both would become romanticly involved.

Jensen: how would you like to be eaten?

You turned over and kneed him in the stomach sending him backward...

Yn: I wouldn't, you wouldn't find my blood very appealing...

You flashed him your eyes... he backed up immediately.

Jensen: your a wolf but how...

Yn: I was born into it... but you, are you apart of that vampire family in the outskirts of the city?

Jensen: yes, but I was wondering, a ell I mean I kinda noticed when I had your arms pinned but that countdown on your arm, it matches mine as well...

You put yours next to his and that was the start of your long nights of secrets...

Yn: well what do we do? I'm sure neither of our families will accept this...

Jensen: we will meet in secret every evening up on the cliff over looking this end of town... meet me there tomorrow night...

That was the start of the months now of sneaking around but now we go to your day job...

You arrived at the crime scene, you put on your gloves and began looking around the crime scene.

Jerry: find anything yet?

Yn: not so far... but I'm not leaving here till I do... please tell me he isn't...

Jerry: oh you mean the transfer from upstate, ya he's here... so get this he claims this was done by and i quote, "one of those super powered freaks." He is coming this way do you want me to stay?

Yn: no I got this, thanks Jerry.

Jerry walks away and your new rival shows up... you groan as your senses kick high and mighty as he speaks up from behind you...

Jay: yn, slacking off again?

Yn: Jay still trying to steal my job?

you were not sure if this guy was trying to mess with you Or if he was Just dumb...

Jay: you know what I was taught in the academy?

You continued to collect evidence, ignoring him... on the other hand your watch had been buzzing constantly for almost 15 minutes...

You knew there was trouble elsewhere in the city. You knew you had to transform but you couldn't... not in the middle of a case...

you collected and sorted all your samples, labeling it by the areas you found them in... you also took photos of the location spots and of the placement numbers. you bid adieu to your captain and you walked toward the furthest bus stop...

once you were away from the crime scene and out of eye shot of your fellow officers. you felt the power surge within you... you walked down the dark path, through the woods.

you threw your bag hard enough and far enough that it would or should land close to your ancestral home. where you then turned to the sky and howled...

letting your guardian know you were home... you were a werewolf... one of great power, one of nobility, the next in line for the throne of your ancestral home in Deshaan...

yn: ugh, time to do my work...

Killian: and what about your lessons milady...

YN: ill do them when i feel like it, look my parents sent me here to Sunshinevil to lead a normal life. to have a chance at happiness... they sent you here to look after me even though im a grown ass woman.

killian just laughed as he threw your mail at you..

killian: someone sent you a letter with no return address again...

you threw him a dirty look as you ran your fingers over the letters spelling out your name on the envelope. you took all your mail and your bag heading into your room you shut and locked the door.

you opened that no return address envelope first. you could almost hear his voice as you read the letter.

Jensen: hey beautiful, im excited for our nightly jog... i hope that you are ready to once more escape into our own world, live the parts of our lives that should have been ours already... we have talked many times about this, are you still willing to run away with me like we have been talking about for months now? Meet me at the usual spot tonight all my love Jensen

You laid back on your bed and felt your heart beat blissfully in your chest. you now went to start your work but you now were being interuppted by many bright flashing lights outside and screaming yelling and familiar footsteps and voices..

you continued to do your work as your door was pulled off... you were not paying much attention till a loud booming voice spoke up from behind you...

Henry: YN my dearest daughter, i have some good news... your mother is back home finishing up all the details but she said i would be better suited to come here and tell you the news in person!

you didnt like the tone his voice jumped too... you were not sure where this was going so you put down the test tube you were holding and stepped away from the table...

now facing your father you felt your anger rising slowly as you waited for him to continue...

yn: tell me what...

henry: your going to marry the son of a rich family from Wrothgar... they want this alliance between our countries as much as your mom and i do...

you started to shift but mid shift you felt yourself stiffle a bit as your father reached out his arms around you stopping the shift entirely...

yn: why would you guys do that to me...

you scream the tears spilling quick from your eyes.

henry: because we are trying to secure the benefit of the kingdom! and for your future and the future of the bloodline.

Helen: now Henry be reasonable, she is a woman she can make her own decisions.

you could feel the shift beginning again, you couldnt help it... till your father snapped his fingers and used his alpha tone to force you to stop all together. the reverse shift was painful but it worked... you wrapped up in a sheet and dismissed your father to leave the room.

Your mother stayed with you to help console you about your father's actions and tone while you got ready to go out.

you put on the dress for your excursions that night and your shoes and redid your hair. Once all good you finished setting up your equipment to scan the evidence you collected at the crime scene.

You then grabbed your bag and headed out the door of your room. Your father and guardian both staring at your appearance and making judgmental faces.

Kilian: off to party again milady?

Yn: always... Kilian keep my father on his leash I don't want him here when I get back... my mother can stay but my father either can sleep in the shed or I guess with my mother but keep him in check.

Kilian: yes milady.

You leave out the front door, your dress changing into a jumpsuit... once a bit away from home you break into a run through the Forrest line.

Yn: hold on my love im coming.

Your voice carried on the wind, Jensen who was waiting at the top of the clif on the moonlit hill all the way out of town far away from your pack and his clan...

Oh ya by the way Jensen whose supposed to be your enemy, is also your vampire lover. Think Romeo and juliet except way way way worse.

Your father's would absolutely declare war if they found out. But you arrived and saw him sitting staring at the moon.

Jensen: you gonna just stand there or you gonna come out and sit with me.

Yn: I am coming im just trying stay under control...

Jensen: what's got you so flustered my love.

Yn: my father and mother showed up... out of the blue and unannounced, he used his alphas touch to stop me mid shift... to force me back to normal. My mother sat with me for a bit till I got up and came here...

Jensen: come here my love you won't hurt me I know you won't.

You took a few more deep breathes and let all the stress flow away as you cleared out of the tree line.

You stood for a few seconds in the moonlight... you walked over to sit on Jensens lap. As you both watched over the town...

Jensen: what did your father say or do to make you start to shift.

You felt the tears sting your eyes again.

Yn: he basically told me that I am all but engaged to this other wolf prince bastard thing and that it's necessary to continue the bloodlines yack yack yack...

You were shaking, but jensens arms were around you holding your hands with his own.

Jensen: I could kill him if you want...

Yn: I wish but he would sooner force me to rip you to shreds... I just wish he would leave me alone. I just wish he like my mother understood about my lack of interest to this arranged marriage custom.

Jensen: so you wish you could lets say marry me for example.

Yn: exactly. And I would marry you in a heart beat... perhaps one day that will be possible but if our families weren't sworn enemies, We would have already been married.

Meanwhile, as you and Jensen were snuggling on the hillside, neither of you were aware that someone or something was watching you.

Over the hills on the outskirts of 2 towns over, King John and Queen Mary were watching you and Jensen through the eyes of one of their spies.

Mary: who is that girl...

John analyzes the photo but then takes out his phone and take a close up shot of your signat ring.

John: guards, follow this girl in the shadows over the next few weeks... but be careful not to be seen. Just watch her and learn about this new love interest of our sons. For it would seem he has been lying to us this entire time.

Mary: whose ring is that John?

John: the family ring from Deshaan she's a werewolf.

Meanwhile, Henry your father was scolding Kilian as he escorted him to the nicest hotel close to the forest.

Henry: what is my daughter hiding?

Kilian: nothing my king she just isn't in the mood for anything from you.

Henry: well just tell me this do you know where she goes every time she walks out that door...

Kilian: no I don't, I'm not one to pry, I also learned very early not to get on her bad side.

Henry: she has a temper?

Kilian: yep but she does receive letters with only her name on the envelope. She receives one almost every single day.

Henry: see if she will tell you or if you can find out who it is... my daughter is getting mysterious mail and partying and sounds like she doesn't care about the throne. Follow her next time she goes out I want to know where she goes.

Kilian: I will try sir! Good night sir.

Henry is left in the nicest hotel suite that side of town. Puzzled as to what exactly his daughter does with her time.

Meanwhile, you and Jensen had started making out but a sound startles you both... this made you both get up and scan the tree line.

Yn: what do we do...

Jensen: jump? It can't hurt... and if we are found it will be much worse than a moonlight swim in the harbor.

Yn: ugh I guess its gonna be a new phone for both of us...

Jensen: there are worse fates... 3...

Yn: 2...

Jensen takes your hand as you both step to face the ledge.

Jensen: 1... jump...

You and jensen while holding eachothers hands take a running leap off the ledge. not turning back to see who or what may have been skulking towards you. (*more about this later*)

anyway you both made it to the beach, the sand sticking to your now very wet bodies. you looked around and felt a strange sense like you both were still being watched.

Jensen: well yn i think tonight has been eventful enough, but i dont want my princess to catch a cold. lets give it some time before we meet again. at least while your dad is in town...

Jensen kisses you again, before he gets pulled back and you get thrown to the ground.

Jensen: fredrick stop... thats enough....

fredrick: forgive me my prince i was simply doing my job in protecting you...

jensen: go my love, ill send word when i can...

you take off into a run breaking the speed barrier before you can hit the treeline. you slunk in through the front door. and you are met with the glare of Kilian

kilian: milady why are you all wet...

yn: i had to escape some vampires that followed me out from the club i was at tonight... so i made it to the beach i threw down some come and get me taunt knowing that those yawhoos wouldnt follow that close to sunrise, so i walked into the water, held my breathe and swam from one side of the island to the other, so i could get away.

kilian: shall i make you some hot chocolate or...

yn: no thanks i think im just gonna go take a nice hot bath and warm up, then finish my work and hit the hay...

kilian bows slightly handing you a fuzzy throw blanket and a large towel.

kilian: then ill lock up for the night milady... good night milady.

You go into your bedroom and shut the door, locking it and your window for the night. You stripped out of your wet garments and ran a nice hot bath... bringing your bath tray, and laptop into the bathroom with you.

Yn(to self): I wonder what today will bring. Ugh I hope Jay isn't gonna be there. That self spoiled pretentious pig...

You Crawled into the bath and out your laptop on the tray and checked your lab results. Finishing your report for work and your other duties as well. Then calling it a night.

Meanwhile Jensen walked through his front door and was instantly met with the disapproval of his parents.

John: JENSEN, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE YOU ARE IN YOUNG MAN...

Jensen: shouldn't you be in bed father.

john: okay listen here you little ingraite... your mother and i have worked for years to train you and to set you up with a very very eligible marriage, so what i would like to know is who that snout faced twit was that you were with tonight?

jensen was now enraged his worst fears now realized... and thats when his father and mother noticed the countdown on his arm.

mary: john settle down... our son is merely checking out the world and experimenting... im sure he didnt know that she was a wolf... did you my son?

jensen knew he had to lie, he didnt like it but he had to do it.

Jensen: mother is right, i didnt know that she was a wolf. if i had i would have torn her to shreds.

john sighed slightly, Mary just glanced over her sons wet appearance and blew him a kiss.

Mary: Jensen my son, retire to your room for the night. you have work tomorrow. living normal is still on the table for you... as long as you never forget who you truly are.

jensen: then that i shall take my leave, mother father...

jensen walked very calmly to his room, his expression changing instantly upon locking the door. breathing in a sigh of relief, as his mind slipped out of real world and into his dreams where he would find you hopefully...

Both of you slept alone in mind and body that night, but one day maybe that would change... you woke up the next morning, got up dressed and packed for work, upon exiting your rooom you run into your dad in the kitchen sitting at the table like a normal person. Your mom was standing washing the counter.

yn: before any of you say anything, just know im late for work and i have nothing else to say to you father... on a different note, good morning mother!

Helen: good morning my sweet girl! I trust that after your bath you slept well!

Yn: of course, it was pleasant!

You grabbed a piece of toast, and started toward the door.

henry: well i was simply gonna say that whatever you are hiding from me, i have my way of learning the truth... most of them unpleasent...

yn: and exactly what are you implying...

you roared dropping your bag...

henry: kilian tells me you have been recieving secret love letters... i want to know who they are from, and when this little shenanigan started and i want to be there when you kill him and complete your link to the alpha's throne.

yn: i have mentioned this numerous times, ill do things in my own time and it is none of your god damn business who i choose to be with... so cancel this arrangement cause i will not keep to it, i will not go through with it, and i have no desire at this time to spend another moment in this cottage today. ill spend the night at the station, at least there i can count on civil conversation and no one lurking over my future plans. so good bye ill see you guys when i see you... on a more pleasant note bye mom I'll see you later!

you picked up your bag and walked out the door slamming it as you went. kilian and your dad didnt say much after that...

You arrived at the station still in a huff, you walked in and breathed in the smell of coffee and donuts...

Jerry: what's got you all in a huff this morning?

Yn: my father's in town, the jerk wad I told you about... the one who tried to sell me off to some rich pompous dick so he could keep his power.

Jerry: oh shit... I gather you will be pulling an all nighter here...

Yn: yep, would you like to have the briefing now or later and can we do it in the lab I need to work on whatever there is...

Jerry follows you to the lab, that's when a call comes through the wire...

Jerry: saddle up YN we got another weird one...

Yn: weird how?

Jerry looks around to make sure no one else is in ear shot...

Jerry: one of the bodies was torn to shreds almost as though like a wild dog or something larger tore through him like a sack of dirty laundry, while the other body, completely devoid of blood, puncture wounds to the neck, Jay stumbled upon them this morning... that's who called it in...

You were pretty sure you had steam coming out your ears, you were so mad you didn't want to loose out on this case to Jay...

Yn: what are we sitting around for? Let's go...

Jerry: look I know you can do an excellent job at this but you need to calm down before you can leave the office your eyes are red...

You pulled out your mirror and took a look for yourself...

Yn: first of all its blood orange, cross between red and gold and second your right I know your right...

Jerry watched as you brought out your claws and slashed your forearm, he watched you shriek as the pain caused you to shift back to normal...

Yn: damn can you hand me the gauze that I keep over on the desk... your the one whose gonna wrap this and then help me put my sweater back on so we can go...

Jerry carefully grabbed the gauze and the tape and put some antiseptic on your arm before he wrapped it...

Jerry: why would you harm yourself?

Yn: it was the only way to get myself under control quickly. I wish there had been an easier way but I'll be fine in a few days... werewolf healing takes longer when it's self inflicted.

Jerry: makes sense. Alright let's get you up and let's get to this crime scene. I've told the officers to not let the csi on scene till I get there with you so you can have an equal opportunity to collect your samples and do your thing.

You winced trying to use your arm to get off the table but you were not completely ready for that yet...

Yn: Jerry get me off this table we cannot give that weasel any satisfaction... not a word of my injury.

You felt jerry take your good arm and help you off the table. Jerry carried your bag and walked with you out the back entrance to the cruiser lot.

Jerry drove and allowed you to relax as you both arrived on scene. It was like foggy, and unusual unsettling feeling as you and Jerry got out of the car.

Yn: i don't like this...

Jerry: I'll follow your lead but we should have run into someone by now...

Yn: shit Jerry get back to the car now... go..

Jerry goes back wards watching your back as you go further into the fog and thats when you got jumped.

You threw the vamp off of you and you recognized him it was one of the ones from the night before.

Justin: oh goodie look what I found, the wolf bitch whose been seducing our prince perfect you are coming with me either consciously or not. My king and queen would like several words with you... and to use you to well teach their son a lesson.

Yn: in your dreams pal, im not going anywhere with you.

Justin: oh yes you are...

Justin lunged at you, his full weight now holding you in a choke hold. You Sunk your teeth into his arm and in return he knocked you out.

When the fog cleared the knocked out officers were on the ground but you were gone. Jerry went to help the officers off the ground but was sure you could handle yourself.

Meanwhile you began to stir waking up next too a growing patch of very very potent wolfsbane. You tried to move away from it but your body still felt funky from being knocked out.

Yn: ugh what happened to me...

Justin peaks into the cell which holds you and yells...

Justin: guards drag this bitch to the dinning hall, throw her down before the king and queen and the young prince. We don't want her to miss the show.

You were dragged out of the cell, cross the stone cold floor and down a set of stairs to a giant set of doors. The next words you hear are ones that shock you.

Guard: your majesties the entertainment has arrived.

John: nobles of the court a transgression shall be righted here tonight for just outside the door is a beast, one that howls by the light of a full moon, one who has seduced our son. Bring her in, leave the handcuffs on her, I don't want her to break free...

You were dragged into the room and thrown down on the ground the gasps across the room were as loud as the sound of your name falling from the lips of Jensen who was more shocked to see you in chains on the floor.

Jensen: father what is the meaning of this...

John: your punishment is to beat this girl and break the seduction she has put upon you my son.

Jensen: what the fuck? Have you lost your fucking marbles father? That is absurd she did nothing of the sort... it was my idea, I was baiting her to find out what she knows about the wolf royals...

You snarled at Jensen watching his expression turn sour and angry... you were pissed..

Yn: you traitor why would you play with my heart like that after I poured my heart out to you, after I gave you all of me, we were gonna run away together, i thought you loved me...

Jensen: love you, ha don't make me laugh? Get it through your head bitch it was all an act to gain your trust... now I'm gonna torture you and prove my worth to the court.

Jensen grabbed a bat that has been wrapped in wolfsbane... Jensen then proceeds to swing at you. Each hit making you scream in discomfort.

After 30 strikes your blood splattered across the floor, Jensen turns to the court as you struggle to get up...

Jensen: well now it's just getting fun, guards open the moon roof, lets watch this bitch break further as I strike her down.

Your struggle to get out of the way is useless as the roof is opened and your body starts reacting to the moonlight...

Yn: please Jensen let me go, please I won't survive the change if this continues...

Jensen: no, not this time little bitch...

You scream again indicatingthe change beginning, first your spine begins shifting breaking and cracking, your screams slowly turn to growls and roars.

Your voice comes out as a howl in the next moment as your bones continue to break.

Jensen: look at her, she is gonna be dead soon lets see if we can shake up the fun, boys the spears...

In seconds you are flanked and spears dipped in wolfsbane are pierced into your sides. Multiple times.

Jensen and the court just laugh, you stop mid shift. It's got you fuming but you manage to push through the pain, your claws scraped against the floor leaving marks...

You managed to get to one knee feeling the wolfsbane burning inside you but you fought the pain.

You heard the sound of the boots that Jensen wore approaching you as he lifted up the bat and was bringing it down on you you reached up and caught the bat pushing it away from you as you stood up fully.

John: impossible...

Yn: no not impossible especially when my family has just arrived.

John and the courts attention is drawn to the doorway which is now hosting your father and Killian standing there staring at the room.

Henry: John, I can't believe you... sending a boy to torture an innocent girl, my daughter of all things... have you forgotten the treaty...

John: I have not Henry... I was merely teaching a lesson... though it seems there was no need for my son could never ever have true feelings towards a beast..

Helen and Mary both exchange long glances not listening to anything other than the sounds of their own words.

Helen: it seems like our husband's are at it again.

Mary: it would seem so but our children seem to have quite the attraction to eachother as well...

Helen: im sure all will be revealed in a few short minutes

Mary and Helen realized that their children's marks showed the same time... while you were still being beaten...

You were trying to block out the stings of the wolfsbane, as then jensens voice came into your head loud and clear as a bell..

Jensen: lets show them what we have... let's show them our ways... plus the time on our arms is about to expire... we need to stall for 5 more minutes.

All you could do was smirk... as you run up behind your father and hold your claws at his throat...

Yn: listen and listen good all of you... we arranged this... for you see our bond is deeper than anything a mere treaty could do...

Jensen: my love for yn is greater than my love for my species... we have a way to become hybrids this way we don't have to be at war... and we can procreate. The bloodlines will continue just not by anyone you guys choose.

You lean in to whisper at your father's ear...

Yn: listen to what we have to say father do not use your temper to solve these issues... listen to us please. If you ever loved me at all you will listen.

You walk towards Jensen as the countdown expires and a binding chain wraps around you and Jensen.

The entire room is awestruck. They didn't know what kind of sorcery this was...

Henry: holy shit...

Killian: oh my God...

John: sorcery...

Mary: yay, I get a daughter...

Helen: yay, I get a son!

John and Henry were now fuming and pissed off... in seconds guards were surrounding you and Jensen...

Yn: Jensen let's show them what love really means...

Jensen: Do you have it?

You pull out 2 viles from your boob crevice... you hand 1 to jensen... both of you popping off the lids and downing them in seconds you both hold hands and feel the liquid coursing through your veins.

You both fall to the ground, minutes pass as John and Henry are now preparing to engage in combat. But fate had another idea.

For your body began to convulse and you sat straight shot up. Jensens body began to break every bone he began to shift... well it would be a partial shift it was still a shift.

You began to see things differently, you pulled down one of the nearby guards and fed from his neck draining him of blood.

You felt so much better. Jensen sat up and looked at his new form, then looked at you in your new form.

Jensen: my love, how do you feel?

Yn: how do I feel, I feel fantastic, how do you feel?

Jensen: fantastic. Shall we stop our fathers from fighting...

Yn: hmm I dunno I think they both need lessons on what the new order is to the food chain. Who the most dangerous predators actually are.

You and jensen take your father's by the throats and lift them in the air.

Yn: look we don't want to kill you, but how does it feel...

Jensen: to know that your children who you both claim to love so much are soulmates and now more powerful than even you.

John: you both have betrayed us...

At that point you both drop your father's on the ground to allow them to breathe and speak.

Henry and John exchange glances and neither you not Jensen have noticed for neither of you are paying attention.

Mary: John stand down!

Helen: Henry that's enough!

You and jensen turned your attentions to your mom's as they stand side by side facing you, your father's and the court.

Mary: our children are soulmates

Helen: they're bound together and as such now are our 2 houses. If you both continue to resist this

Mary: we will have no choice but to lock you both up for the rest of your days, or at least till the executioners get here...

Helen: or do we betray them like they are ready to betray us...

Yn: wait mother...

You look at Jensen who nods and you proceed to explain yourself.

Yn: mom, queen Mary if I may... we actually have a confession to make. We had done this months ago, but we were scared if you guys found out we would have been exiled or worse. So we hid the truth with cloaking serum.

Jensen: the vile we drank tonight de cloaked us and made us who we have become. We knew that if something good was gonna happen we were gonna end up together one way or another.

Mary and Helen looked at you guys and ordered the guards to bring your father's to kneel before the both of you...

Mary: John, Henry look at your children, tell me and Helen that you guys don't still see them as the strong minded and willed children you both helped to raise. Tell us that these 2 children standing before you are not those children and we will have you both exiled. If you guys say these are still your children we will let them decide your fates...

Helen: the choice is yours gentlemen, but we would hurry if we were you, are you guys ready with your choices?

John: this is an outrage! Mary, Jensen you both have betrayed me, us, our family, our clan! It is now only fit that I exile you both from this kingdom!

Mary: if that's how you feel John then fine! I have already made plans for a case such as this anyway...

Jensen: fine, you don't have to pretend any further that we are family cause we are now not family, we are far from it.

John struggled against the grip of the guards, as Henry now spoke as harsh and as vile as John did...

Henry: alright I have a few things to say, #1 Helen my love you have been by my side through everything but you have fallen behind in the times. You are blinded by our daughters misdeeds... by this insubordination that our child has committed, she betrayed the pack, the kingdom and our teachings. Which brings me to point #2 yn my child you are my only heir, you had chosen your own path when you left the kingdom to pursue a normal life. I'm not as vain as John is right now but I don't want to cause any more of a ruckus as it is now. I Henry renounce my crown to my daughter I name her queen and leader of the pack, she is an alpha in her own right, she was born an alpha and now wears the crown. Now I Henry also request to live in this new kingdom if you will allow this...

Your mother and you looked shocked as your eyes flashed to blood shot red and you let out an uncontrolled alphas roar. Once you got your voice back you spoke.

Yn: dearest father for renouncing your title and basically apologizing you can live in this new kingdom but under 1 condition... you never ever do something so foolish again.

Henry: of course my alpha. Helen my darling wife I apologize wholly for how stubborn and pig headed I became about yn's love life how vain I got, how angry I was a few moments ago and I promise you that for the rest of eternity I'll spend it making it up to you. If you'll have me.

You move to allow your mother to approach your father. You watch your mother and your father share a moment of passion.

But everything and everyone are interrupted by a loud roar from John.

John: this is ridiculous! You are all fools! Our children are abominations and you guys are all choosing to accept them!

Mary: John stand down or we will make you.

Mary, Helen and Henry now between you, Jensen and John!

John: Mary you would dare to stand against me... why Mary why would you side with those who dare to change the natural order.

Mary: cause I've seen the light I've seen what kind of man you truly are I know what kind of man you are... now I let my son speak cause you are no longer my husband no longer my king.

John's rage shon through, John now shifted full vampire.

John: Mary you defy me, you deny me, you reject me. Fine I don't need you I don't need any of you. In fact I'm gonna kill you, your son his half wit brat and her half wit parentals as well.

Yn: Jensen deal with him in such a way that justice will reign Supreme, actually guards put him on the rack!

The guards rolled in a rack usually used to torture prisoners, but in this case it would adhere to a different purpose.

Jensen: ah good thinking babe, attention everyone, what you are about to see is our new kind of justice, those that oppose us will be strapped to a rack and then made into a hybrid like us and forced to stay that way as they desicat in a cell from which they have no means of escape for all eternity.

John: why you insolent brats, I don't accept this, I'm the king, you cannot do this to me!

Jensen roars and steps to stand beside his father.

John: I don't know what changed in your being to think that anything like this would have been okay in the first place. But you stopped being my son a long time ago.

Jensen: I was never your son, I was just some bargaining chip to use whenever you wanted.

Jensen received the extra vile of change formula from you and became as content as rain when he saw the glint of fear in John's eyes.

The guards forced John's mouth to stay open as the viles contents were poured in.

Jensen: now it's time you know how it feels to be betrayed, father... as your body starts to accept the formula you will start to loose consciousness and then your bones will break and then you may or may not black out as well. Either way guards put him on a one way boat trip to the prison in the southern isles and make sure he is secure wouldn't want him escaping.

The guards do just that, and after a few moments of John leaving the room his screams of pain echo through the entire castle.

Jensen: yn, you are the love of my life, the fire in my soul and I wouldn't be who I am without you. I look forward to uniting our 2 kingdoms merging them so that we all may live in peace and harmony!

The crowd cheered, it was the dawn of a new Era in which werewolves and vampires would never again be at war with one another.

While you and Jensen lived happily ever after well for now at least.

~ that's all for now folks~

[badbacksadsack]

merry xmas guys, be safe

It could be whatever I feel alone a lot even when I'm with someone I feel like I don't check in enough with self I would like to do better at checking in Maybe check out some journal prompts I feel bad about being a sw I feel guilty and shameful about asking men on the internet for help however the times that I needed money felt dirty too I felt as if I was being bent over a metaphorical barrel by life

Just existing after coming back to the UK (adter being forced into islamic boarding school in africa) without any parents or family to support me I felt like I had to make money to survive somehow Existing was expensive so many costs with no income streams, the only people I've told were doing the same thing or 'worse' selling and taking dr(u)gs, coincidentally the first proper lgbtqia+ group of friends I've ever met/lived with which honestly clouds my judgment of a whole group I'm a part of It really shouldn't, I honestly wish it didn't My representation of the 'community' or the one I now belong to, the chosen family rather than (over) my 'actual' (biological) family seems to be (is/) one just as dysfunctional, gaslighty and gatekeeping as the one I escaped and I felt like I had to do what I usually do, disengage, avoid, not share myself as freely to protect my energy, my fragile mental health (i want to build resilience) and become 'harsh' aka be stingy with my finances (it felt harsh whenever my mum/sister used to share anything they would leverage that thing, now I struggle to recognise I need help and hate asking for it) and I wish to be generous but with boundaries so it doesn't feel harsh, to have money for myself, my future house, my goals to build the life I want Everyone deserves happiness. Everyone Above happiness is peace, that is the goal I am part of everyone and my happiness matters Whether or not I am under or overweight, I matter and Everyone deserves to eat no matter what, it is a basic necessity. I didn't have the language to express to my ex, a communist mental health nurse, a person who worked in that (mine)field of psychology, that I was struggling in part due to psychosocial factors not just MH problems or home dynamic stuff w my brother, I was flat broke, not eating, not getting a good circadian rhythm, the pandemic started and I was struggling with picking up my meds on time, feeling worse than I've ever felt when off them, then the pressure of my uncle and getting to shifts, after there was a shooting there, being on public transport in peak covid, getting groceries and cleaning the house I had stopped talking to (broken up with my abusive ex best friend) around that time so honestly the lack of a support system or any one to talk to was getting to me with the icing being that fucking traumatising few days where I injured my hand, got sectioned with stitches in my finger, got drunk w few days after, stupidly thought to surprise him, got the long way by bus bc the trains were off, ended up getting there in some dark area I wasn't familiar with, Drunk, and at unsociable hours, I wrote a left handed Drunk note left it on his car and spent the night stranded at the station until the sun came up because the buses weren't running I forgive myself for not having the words that day or any time around that I forgive myself for drinking when I didn't have any other coping mechanisms or anyone to talk to I forgive myself for calling the police on my violent abusive sister because if I had any other way to manage that situation safely, if I could handle it, I would have, I didn't mean anyone any harm that day and I took back the statement very soon after even with my black eye

I refuse to live my life in the past, my actions back then when I had nobody to listen, or talk to, or feel warmth about aren't who I am or will be.

My past selves are not reflective of my whole future selves, I learned a lot of life lessons to apply. Not all good or all bad, shades of grey. I forgive myself for not having the language to express to my current partner how scared I am sometimes because of situations I've been through, don't want to ever repeat or what I've been told. I forgive myself for shutting down when I've been taught to be small, have no needs and stop talking. I am human I deserve to speak, my lack of words sometimes is not a lack of feeling. The opposite, when I feel I get scared they might make the other person reject me, it triggers my abandonment wound, as a kid I felt I needed my mum to guide, love, support me but she was her own depressed person with an abandonment wound herself, she is human and humans can make mistakes. Life lessons from my mum are not all good but they're not all bad, shades of grey. I have to know what I'm healing from in order to move on. I have the power to release myself from the shackles I put on myself, self limiting beliefs are the water getting into your ship to sink it. I want to keep scooping that negative energy out of my vessel, I want to mind my thoughts, think light thoughts and when life gets stormy I want to sit with myself in the rain until it feels safe to go in and find shelter. All I know is that now it hurts but it won't be forever, even when I hurt it's not all bad or all good, the hurt tells me what I don't like or need to change. The lessons that serve me I want to water, pay attention to, and the ones that don't will be politely discussed but politely discarded. Thanks but no thanks.

[annieslalaland]

30.april.2024 12:07pm

why are old people always complaining? their lives aren't that hard, if you think about it. sometimes i wonder, if the old people who complain about the smallest things have mental illnesses, maybe undiagnosed. because why would someone complain about me standing too close by a door.

as you know, i have a doctor's appointment today. bevause i wrote an entry earlier today, things got a little bit hectic and i had to rush to get to the bus. i had to change busses and the second bus i took, i had to get off after two stations. because there were no seats available and, as i said, i also only needed to go two stations, i was standing by the door. and not IN FRONT OF THE DOOR, as you might think after the story i will tell you now.

i was standing BY the door, anyone could get in and out. a woman with a stroller had to get out and she got by perfectly. sure, i was standing there, but the mother didn't look like she was struggeling with the stroller. that was the frist of the two stations i had to go. while waiting to get off, this old woman stands next to me. i smile at her. i always smile, at everybody. you never know what they might be going through. out of fucking nowhere, rhis lunatic pokes me and goes: "i don't like that you're standing here." i was, i think visibly, perplex because, what? i just said "okay" because there is no point of talking to these people. you know they just want to complain. but miss girl went on. she said that where i was standing, is an exit. i told her that, yes, i'm aware, but everybody would get out safely. "people are afraid they can't get out." like i was 800 pounds blocking the whole door. my stop was about to come up. "i would let everybody pass or step out of the bus, if someone needed to and couldn't get out. you don't know me." and i got off and walked away.

these people, who always critizice out of nowhere: whats your problem? why do you feel the need to tell me? thoughts can be just in your head, you know. i do understand complaining if there is an obvious, actual problem. i once complained because a guy spilled his beer over me, on the train, at 8am, on my way to work. that is something you can complain about (i dont think he knew what i was talking about, but would when drinking beer on the train at 8am on a thrusday?) .

it sucks, hardcore, because this woman ruined my day, she couldnt hold back her selfishness to be a bitch in public and now my day sucks.

anyways i went to the doctor's, now on my way home

love and kisses from somewhere in the world

[strawberry-stories]

Prompt: You wish to know what others feel about you. As you gain the ability to feel others' emotions, you gave a heartbreaking challenge. You must navigate a world filled with intense feelings, learning to distinguish your own emotions from those of others. This journey tests your resilience and teaches you the true depth of empathy.

I only wrote the first part of this, but I'd quite like to continue it, to see how the character learns to deal with their power.

Emotional Echoes

Please, let me know what others think about me! I can't go another day spiralling and breaking down when someone looks angry, or I say something wrong. I can't handle this anymore. Please, God, Magic, Universe, anything! Help me not to depend on my own twisted interpretation of other people's emotions.

All I want is to know what they actually think of me. It's nothing bad, right? I mean, they all hate me, but knowing that is better than not knowing and watching them all sneer at me in disgust and pretend to be my friends? I'm stupid. I'm an idiot. They don't hate me. I'm putting words in their mouths, and turning them into monsters that they truly are not. I bet they hate me for that. For turning them into cruel villains.

I should go to sleep. It'll all feel better in the morning.

———

It's morning now. I feel better than I did. Not good, still, but I can see that my breakdown last night was an overreaction. Nobody hates me. Nobody thinks strongly enough about me to hate me. I'm just there, window dressing of the world.

I get dressed, grabbing a hoodie and some jeans, before trudging into the bathroom, bleary-eyed to go to the toilet. I should brush my teeth and wash my face. I'm in the bathroom. It's convenient. It's easy. There are no real barriers to this basic self care.

I go downstairs to breakfast.

My mum is in the kitchen, and a wave of love washes over me. I'm here! It says. I love you! It says.

"Breakfast's on the table" she says, passing through to give me a kiss on the head before leaving for work. I have to eat alone this morning. She's out to work earlier and earlier nowadays, making sure that we have enough to pay for the house and the car and her ever growing record collections, since the man she married left her last year. I don't blame him. It's hard being married when your new wife has such a messed up kid. It's okay though, because even just being with her for a moment warms my heart, the wave of love filling me with joy.

The sound of the alarm wakes me from my daydream, reminding me that the bus will be outside my house in just a few minutes. Shaking my head, dropping back into my body, I frantically rush around the house for my shoes, my coat, my half-done homework, and my all-important phone, before running out of the house to the bus stop, only just remembering to lock the door.

The bus arrives.

And with it, as I sit on my usual seat, comes the full force of 40 hormonal teens, shouting and joking and singing. And feeling. My heart races, and I start to sweat. I love the girl next to me. I hate the girl next to me. She's my best friend. My dad died yesterday. I'm so excited for today! I wish I wasn't here. I feel sick. I'm going to cry. I squeak an excuse me, as I pass through the throngs of teenagers, and push past the boy getting on to run away. Away as far as I can get from all of this emotional noise. I run until I can't any more.

Taking stock of myself, I find that other than a racing heart and aching muscles, I can't feel anything like what I was feeling on that bus. The field I ran to is in the middle of nowhere and I am safe. I'm scared, I think. What happened to make me feel the emotions of an entire bus? And what can I do to make sure it never happens again.

I walk home, and do some of the work I would've done. That's a lie. It's been a hard day. I deserve to do something I enjoy. I lie on my bed for a bit, scrolling through videos and pictures, not looking at any of them. It's been 4 hours. I've done nothing. I need to get some work done, if I'm not going to do something fun. I want to get homework done. It's been 2 more hours.

One thing I do know though, is I can't leave the house. If that's what happened from just the bus, I can't go to school. I can't. I don't know what could have caused it, other than the desperate prayer I made last night, but I know that I can't leave the house if it's making me feel other people's emotions. In small doses, it's okay, I suppose. It was nice feeling what I now realise was my mum's love for me. It's nice knowing that she loves me. But I can't have any more than that. I'm not used to that much emotion.

I guess I'll just have to stay alone. I know my friends will hate me for leaving them, but that's the price I must pay to deal with this curse. How could I have ever thought it could be a gift?

[msvorderofoperations]

More dream journals

I literally forgot to make this post until tonight because I wrote as a draft email at 4am. Anyways.

I dreamt I was in Vancouver looking for a place to live, which is something I have been having to do a lot lately. I don't recall any details about the place I was looking at but it was not the main narrative so it's not terribly important. Afterwards, I go to my favourite restaurant. Except it is entirely different now. The layout is fully changed, the staff are entirely different, and the vibes are off. I go in and see that the place is not fully booked, but all of the staff are very busy. I grab a menu from one of the kitchen staff, because all of the servers are busy. He makes some kind of shitty remarks about me being there alone on Valentine's Day, but I tell him my girlfriend is going to be meeting me here as she loves this place too.

I then try and find a table, but even though not all of them are in use, literally all of them have not been bussed and so I have no idea if people are still using them or not. So I decide to wait at the bar. There is an altercation of some kind not too far from where I am, but all I can recall is that I had to clearly show that I was not involved because that might have been in question. It blows over, the people handling security wish me a happy Easter, which is somehow also this week and I find out why things have been so hectic: the owner of the place is visiting.

It's Donald Trump.

Because his entire retinue and security staff are also present, nobody can get close to him. I'm still waiting to be served, but knowing what's happening has made it clear why things feel off. I can see then that every woman present is suffering, some from being objectified, others from not being supported by their peers, being catcalled, etc. I then decide that I have to get out of there. I hightail it out of there and try to find my way home, which in the logic of the dream is close but not really walkable. Additionally, walking is itself not in the cards because I have somehow lost my shoes.

I try to find a bus that will get me there, but somehow I have been waiting at this place until 5 am, so no buses are running. I then get a voicemail from the person who gave me the menu that I have entirely fucked him over. The menu he gave me also included an iPhone, so I could be notified when a table was ready (this pointedly was not the case, but it had changed in the internal logic of the dream so it felt correct). I check my other pockets, and sure enough, there is an older unlocked iPhone. Part of the problem is that while it is an older phone, it has apps and updates on it that are no longer available so getting an exact replacement is not possible.

I try getting back in touch with my normal phone and the iPhone I now have, but to no avail. The iPhone doesn't seem to have cell service, only wifi and all of the notifications are Instagram thirst traps and scams. Additionally, I find through the suggest and auto complete text that I was the only person that didn't know this place was owned by Trump, and that it was a safe haven for all of the worst of his hangers-on. I then trying just walking back and giving it back, but I can't find the place.

I know the neighbourhood well enough, but I keep missing the cross street until I find that even when I find (what I think) is the right street, it's not there anymore. I then try and get my bearings by going to a grocery store that I know is nearby. I then internalize that in addition to inadvertently stealing some tech, I have also stolen some cuts of meat. I know that I have to replace them, not just bring them back because they've been sitting unrefrigerated for so long that it is no longer legal to sell them (even in my dreams, I still abide by FoodSafe).

I find nothing suitable, but do find some sizable roasts that look very good, but they are way overpriced because of the forthcoming Easter long weekend. I then leave, but I am stopped by one of the staff of the butchers department because she thinks I have shoplifted the raw meat I was comparing to what they had in stock. I frantically try and explain the situation, and mercifully she actually believes me. In response she finds some frozen stuff in storage that will be suitable, and then infects it with botulism (which they also sell for some fucking reason) to get back at these people she justifiably despises. And at this point I woke up.

[jaundice-collector]

Here's a song I wrote called "Gorgeous Georgia Sky" because Tumblr seems like a safe abyss to scream into

That old front door

creaks open on a

spring day.

I step out of that

house we lived

in for 50 years

I've got those same

old leather boots on

and that hat pulled

past my ears.

It's almost the same

as it always was

the only thing that's

missing dear is you.

I've still got that

old hickory cane

with the lionhead

I go and sit near the lane

and stare up at that

gorgeous Georgia sky

I just know your

looking down

with that mindful eye.

I do that quite a lot

these days if I'm

honest most my

time now is

spent in a daze.

But staring at

that sky sitting

on our deck

brings me back

to many a time

on my trek.

Whether that be

my time in the

Air Force or

our wedding or

the birth of our

very first son that

gorgeous Georgia sky

and me were always

bestest friends.

Since I was born

I've looked into

that sky my dad

always taught me

to he was such

a gentle guy.

Whether day or

whether night

always looking

in the sky

about 10 years

old we went from

Georgia up to Maine

on our own dime

the sights to

see in those skies

there and in-between

that was such a time.

I'd climbed mountains

by 13 been up

in tree houses

overlooking

the green my

dad was always

with me my

mother was too

sick we always

brought back

photographs from

each of our trips.

16 back with that

gorgeous Georgia sky

oh those clouds

never did tell a lie,

by 18 my mother

had died but that

was alright we had

that sky to look to.

We always knew she was

looking down at us

because we knew even

up in heaven she'd

throw a fit let me

see my son and

husband again

those were her

words I'll bet.

22 I'd joined the

Air Force ready to

fly planes and just

get away never saw

a war never saw

much combat just

me and the sky

oh how peaceful.

Well Im looking

to that gorgeous

Georgia sky and

I really hope this

is where I die.

By that old

creek where we

used to fish

and swim in

this old house

ready to give in.

By 26 I was out

moved back in

with dad to take

care of him,

he'd grown sick

just like mamma

had before.

Had these coughing

fits with blood

end up lying on

the floor gasping

for breath there

was nothing I

could do I watched

my dad die that's

when life went askew.

Packed up my shit

and sold the house

nothing left there

but painful memories

I grew my hair long

and let it flap

in the breeze

I lived out of

hotels and vans

that's right I did

this before the

popular man.

I guess I did

it selfishly had

to get away

wasn't no

more life

with living

anyway

about 5 years

of this and

I'd straightened

myself out cut my

hair short and trimmed

up my beard moved

to New York at 31

married my love

at 33 the same

love I'm missing

today by 35 I was

homesick pretty

typical of me.

I showed you

my childhood

and said "love

can I please go

home just for

a week?"

And to my

surprise you said

"Really just a week

that's rather bleak

let me come with you

and we'll stay as

long as you want let's

hop on that Greyhound

bus tonight."

We arrived days later

when the rain

it was light

I stepped off

that bus to

see my home

the one I'd

sold years ago.

The vines had

overtaken it

there were holes

in the roof I still

longed for the

touch god I

missed it just

as much it

proved to me

that day that

memories never

fade no matter

how painful

they were the day

they were made.

I bought that house

back and spent the

next 50 years fixing

it outside and in

only for it to

relive it's glory

once you'd flown

up above with him

I wish you were here

today to see the

way it is it's not

my father's home

it's mine and it's

got the scars to

prove it.

It's been 32

years since

the kids moved

away and I've

still got the

height marks

by the doorframe

in the dining room

where we never

ate at all.

I can't believe

it's been 3 years

since you've gone

but I didn't

go crazy like

with my dad John

I know how to

grieve now and

I'm glad you

taught me that

otherwise I'd be

an old drunk

laying on the mat.

Oh Dorothy

Oh Dorothy

every time I feel

a teardrop in my eye

I look out in that

gorgeous Georgia sky

it'll never be as

pretty as you were

and none of the

stories I read

about him and her

will ever be close to ours

every time I close my

eyes Dorothy I see

your name in

the stars just

know you'll

always have

my heart.

[chronic-claire-universe]

Wakasa Imaushi: See You Next Year

Just wrote this to indulge in one of the best romantic memory I got in my life, some years ago it happened and I'm writing it cause someone remembered this for me, let me know what you think about it.

Characther: Wakasa Imaushi, Shinichiro Sano, Keizo Arashi, Takeomi Akashi

Warnings: College AU!, Consume of Alcohol, Pure Fluff.

The 30 december is your meeting, gettin to see again your friends gathered around every corner of the world with their studies or job. The sparkling air predict snow if it wasn't for the impossibility of your location: Tokyo Bay.

You, Benkei, Waka builted a friendship during your first year of college, thanks for your interest to music and martial arts, nothing else was shared in between you, but this strong friendship endure even today after you move abroad to pursue higher education, that's why on Christmas holiday everyone comes back to celebrate Benkei birthday, it's a tradition after all, brought up by his friend Shinichiro Sano a true leader inside this various company.

It's half past two when you leave the pub you used to stay when you lived in Tokyo "I got a job, the pay sucks but I'm doing what I always dreamt of" Benkei says looking down, rummagin in a shop bag, "That's why I finally got the fine rum I always talked about" he says with a grin and plastic glass, "To the man of the day, congrats aren't enough that’s why we cheers to the best future you can ask for! TO BENKEI!" Shinichiro shouts despite being in a residential district, "To the best future!" Waka says looking directly at you while raising glass, "To the future" you repeat turning you glare and avoiding eye contact with the liliac eyes. Blush dust your cheeks and Shin embracing your shoulders says "Come to my house, we will have fun!" and that’s how you find yourself at 6 in morning still dark outside with Benkei and Takeomi completely asleep on Shinichiro’s couch, "I probably should go back home" you say while taking your winter coat preparing yourself to go to the bus stop, "Coming with you y/n" Wakasa says with his bored expression, "Then you're in good hands y/n, come back safe" Shinichiro says while smiling to the both of you.

Your head above looking to the sky "You know I love these nights" you say while walking still staring to the starry sky, "And why is that y/n?" Wakasa says with his grin while adjusting his scarf and taking your hand to keep his warm, "Waka?" you say turning to him with your smile, "I miss you sometimes" "You have my number, and my messy little flat 500 km from your city can always welcome you" he says nonchanantly while tightening the grip, "You know Tokyo is covered in smog. Seeing the stars is something per se, really rarely. It means that the sea wind brought off the dusty clouds and sooner or later is going to snow" you smile finally looking at him who looks at the sky just like you did some minutes before. Until you feel it again, his predatory eyes looking to yours again making you blush, feeling a loud heartbeat which waits for something, and it arrives. A kiss to your lips is what you feel, until he nears to you and put his body near yours, to warm and deepen the kiss, the tongues dancing around his and your mouth, everything around spin and the cold wall he put you on seems invisible now cause the only thing your body feels, is that Wakasa got you. Separating, you look towards him and find him again staring at sky with the same bored expression that distinguish Imaushi Wakasa than everyone else, "Waka why? I mean the kiss" you say curious to know your old crush, "I felt that you needed this" and taking your hand walking to the seaside you arrive saying goodbye, wandering what this meant and what will change, and nothing is what you get as answer as you look to him from the bus, waving your hand and saying goodbye, see you next year Waka.

@httptamaki @presidentmonica @ravenina14 @eriskaitto @ebiharachan @strawberrysanzu @10-jiku

[missmorosis]

sick manager :)

-> feat. sugawara and kuroo

part 1 with bokuto, oikawa, and tsukishima here!

genre: fluff!

synopsis: y/n, the manager of her school’s volleyball team, finds herself sick after days of hard  work, yet she still goes to school to support her team~ 

warnings: the reader is sick, and she passes out in kuroo’s scenario :))

pairings: sugawara x reader, kuroo x reader (separate!!)

total word count: 1.5k

a/n: OKAY SO HAHHSLKDFJ RIGHT WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS CHAPTER I GOT SICK W/ A FEVER- I THINK I JINXED MYSELF OMG

i tried to make the scenario KINDA different, but with the same idea hehe

anYWAYS i’m so sorry if this makes like zero sense AHSLDKF- i wrote a lot while i was sick SO ill blame it on fever delusion if it flops 😌

OH AND THIS IS FOR @haikyuuheartsclub ty for reading the first one and asking for a part 2 hehe <33

You getting sick was inevitable.

You knew that you were bound to get sick with all of the work you had been doing and all of the late nights you spent preparing volleyball strategies, planning practice tournaments for your team, or studying until your eyesight blurred.

Being your school's volleyball team manager was not only hard, but it was ridiculously time consuming. Not to mention that you were bombarded with schoolwork, and you had exams coming up. Your stress levels had never been higher, and you were practically living off of caffeine with the amount of sleep you were always lacking.

So when you woke up with a sick feeling and the worst headache, you weren't completely surprised. Annoyed would have been a better word.

You knew that your team was getting ready for an important tournament, so you would have to stay extra long for practice. Groaning as you got ready, you weren't sure you could make it through the day.

You sluggishly pulled on a hoodie and brushed your teeth, taking note of how warm you felt as you washed your face. Grabbing a thermometer, you quickly measured your temperature.

100.4 Fahrenheit. Not too bad... just a low-grade fever. You tried to shrug it off and ignored how disgusting your body felt. You slung a backpack over your shoulder and walked out the door, heading to school.

You waited at the bus stop, shaking your head to try and make the sickness go away. When the bus arrived a while later, you plopped down onto the closest seat and you couldn’t stop your eyes from closing. You were just so... tired...

You drifted off to sleep, the soft sound of the bus driving across the road comforting you.

...

“Uh, Y/N?” Someone was shaking your side, and you immediately lifted your head from the bus window you were leaning on. It seemed like you just closed your eyes a second ago... where were you now?

"Mm?" you hummed sleepily, blinking slowly. You rubbed your eyes as the sunlight filtered through the window, and it made you feel warmer than you already felt.

"Hey, sorry to wake you, but we’re already at school." You looked outside, and he was right; you saw Karasuno in the near distance. 

Your brain processed the fact that Sugawara, a third year from Karasuno’s volleyball team, was sitting next to you. You saw his blurred figure lean next to you, and he brushed some hair out of your face. His fingers grazed against your forehead, but he quickly froze. 

"Y/N- Y/N! Why is your forehead so hot?" He studied your face with concerned eyes, noticing how tired you looked.

"Hm? No, it’s not. It wasn’t that high when I checked... probably the sunlight..." you mumbled, leaning on the back of your bus seat behind you. You put a hand on your forehead, and it confirmed that you were indeed burning up; it was considerably warmer than earlier in the morning. You groaned and got up.

"You don’t look too good, don't you think you should go home-" Sugawara started, but you interrupted him.

"No, you need your manager today, you guys have a game soon," you said, your tone tired but strict. Sugawara eyed you anxiously, but you waved him off. "I'll be fine," you reassured him. Grabbing your backpack, you got up from your seat, heading for the bus’ exit.

Woah.

You knew you were sick, but you didn't think you would be this dizzy. Everything seemed to sway to one side, and you put one arm on the seat of the bus, leaning on it for support. You rested your head on your arm, and you felt Sugawara’s arm wrapping around you for support.

“Alright, now you have no choice. You’re taking a break, whether you like it or not, clearly something’s not okay,” he told you, and you were too lightheaded to argue. You just nodded along and he helped you back into your seat. 

You clutched your head as you tried to make everything go away. Sugawara went to talk to the bus driver in the background, and miraculously, the driver made an exception for you.

“We’re ahead of schedule anyways,” the bus driver reasoned. He turned the bus around, heading back towards your house.

“Okay, now that that’s done, you can sleep if you want to. You could probably use the rest, I can only imagine how tired you are...” Sugawara said softly, and you gave a small nod. You scooted further down into the seats, making enough space for the boy to sit next to you. He gladly obliged, and he couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you drifting off to sleep. Your head subconsciously drifted onto his shoulder, but he didn’t mind.

“Hey, Koushi?” you mumbled, your voice coated with sleepiness.

“Yeah? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing... I just wanted to thank you.” Your eyes remained closed, and Sugawara couldn’t tell if the blush on your face was from your fever... or something else? 

“You need to take breaks, you know. You work really hard, it’s a wonder you haven’t dropped dead yet,” he said, half jokingly. “Thank you.” You smiled, and finally fell asleep.

Kuroo found you in the classrooms; your head was down, and your headache was terrible. You were almost asleep; you were trying your best to stay awake, and you weren't sure how long you could keep it up.

He was walking down the halls, casually glancing into your classroom to see if you were finished, and he softly smiled at the sight of you.

"Tired, Y/N?" Kuroo asked, smirking as he tapped your shoulder.

"Hm?" You lifted your head up, surprised at the unexpected touch. "Oh- Kuroo, shut up," you replied, rolling your eyes as you stretched. He laughed and grabbed your backpack for you, slinging it over his own shoulder.

“Ready for practice?” he asked, looking down at you. You nodded, and the two of you walked to the gym.

Your head was killing you with every step you took, but you had no choice but to ignore it. You looked to the distance, trying to ease your headache. Kuroo’s voice was slowly melting into background noise. 

Suddenly you froze and stopped walking, earning a curious glance from Kuroo. You were forgetting something...

“Wait- where’s my... backpack?” You spotted it on the boy next to you, and you shook your head. “Sorry, forgot that you had it,” you said, with a sheepish laugh.

“Something wrong?” he frowned. “You’re acting distracted... more distracted than usual, anyways.” You shook your head, deciding to keep your sickness to yourself.

“I’m good, just tired,” you assured him. He nodded slowly, and walked into the gym, you following close behind.

Only you, Kuroo, and the coaches were in the gym; you were early. You flashed a quick smile as you waved hello.

"Great, you guys are early. I have a couple strategies to discuss," the coach said, gesturing to a whiteboard in front of him. The two of you nodded, and he began to explain.

"Alright... if we're going to win this next match..." he started, but you couldn't make yourself pay attention. The only thing on your mind was how your head wouldn't stop hurting, everything seemed to echo, and just overall how sick you felt.

"What do you think, Y/N?" Kuroo asked, quirking an eyebrow in your direction. You snapped out of your sleepy state at the sound of your name.

“Wha-” You blinked, looking around at all of the eyes on you. You tried to remember what the others were talking about... oh. Strategies. Right. "I just think we... we need to..." You looked at thr whiteboard, but you couldn't focus. You swayed to one side, blinking hard. The world really seemed like it was tilting to one side... "Woah, sorry-" you tried to say.

"Y/N?" You saw Kuroo reach out towards you as you slowly lowered down into a fetal position, resting your head on your knees. "Hey, Y/N? You okay?" You swallowed.

"Yea- yeah. Just... give me a second," you breathed. You felt Kuroo kneel down next to you, and you were right; someone's arm wrapped around you for support, and you knew it was Kuroo's. You knew you were safe as you lost consciousness, falling further into his arms.

...

You awoke, and the first thought was how bright the gym lights were... they weren't this bright before...

"Oh- Y/N! You're awake," Kuroo said, rushing over to you. He put the back of his hand on your forehead. "You're still burning..." he said with a frown.

"Sorry," you muttered. "I don't know, I've been sick all day and I guess I couldn’t handle it..."

"Why didn't you tell me you weren’t feeling well?" he asked, concern clear in his voice. You smiled softly.

"It wasn't important... besides I have manager duties to take care of," you said with a sigh.

"Not if I can help it." He picked you up in one swift motion bridal-style, smirking as you struggled to get down. "I'm not letting you down; I'm taking you home and getting you some proper medicine for this fever of yours. Health is more important than volleyball." You huffed and flopped into his arms in defeat.

"Fine." You leaned closer into Kuroo's chest, and he smiled, satisfied with your surrender.

"That's my girl." You rolled your eyes, but you couldn't help but smile.

A/N: THESE WERE NOT THE BEST- I ADMIT BDHDDJNDJEW

hopefully these weren't too bad though-

haikyuu taglist: (send an ask to get added hehe) @floralkawa <3

MWAHH THANK YOU FOR READING!!