#i wrote this two months ago and probably won’t write more | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

likeumeanit9497 · 3 months

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just like that | m.s. |

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

based on this request :))

summary: after dating for four months without having sex, y/n finally decides that she's ready to take matt for a ride

warnings: smut; established relationship; unprotected p in v; oral (fem receiving); riding; mentions of questionable consent (NOT with matt dw); dirty talk; 18+

notes: damn i completely forgot about this im so sorry:/ i've just been so busy over the past week or so it completely went under the radar. def not my best work (i wrote it all today), but i wanted to get it up because i'm going on a trip through europe for 6 (SIX???!!?!?!) weeks and will probably not be able to post much when im there. anyways i hope u all enjoy!!

p.s. working on one more fic that i would LOVE to post before i leave tomorrow, if not it might be a while before im able to write again :/ it's gonna be a good one for the matt girlies though so keep ur eyes peeled ;)

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

“Do you want anything from the kitchen baby?” Matt’s soft voice in my ear pulled me from the lull I was in, curled up beside him on the couch watching a movie. My drooping eyes fluttered open and I couldn’t help but smile once I came face-to-face with my beautiful boyfriend. The late-August sun was setting, and it shone through the living room windows in just the way that made Matt’s gorgeous blue eyes almost transparent; a harsh contrast to his dark eyelashes and tidy beard. He was looking at me with such unclouded care, the way he always did, and it never failed to make my heart flutter.

Matt and I had met on social media about six months ago, and started dating just two months after that. Our earliest conversations online had consisted of occasionally discussing our shared interest in pretty embarrassing hobbies — playing Minecraft, journaling, and watching rom-coms to name a few — but those occasional conversations evolved into staying up all night messaging each other, multiple-hour long Facetime calls, and eventually meeting at a restaurant for our first date.

Although it hadn’t been long since we started dating, Matt’s soul was one that I felt like I’ve known all my life. Never before had I felt more at home around another person than I did once I met him, and his presence in my life gave it a new level of stability that didn’t exist before. I had dated a guy in high school for almost two years, but the quality in the time spent with Matt versus him was incomparable. I was sure that Matt was the person that I was meant to be with, and everyday he did something new to prove that to be true without even trying.

Another thing that I loved so much about Matt was that, even after months of dating, he hasn’t once pushed me to have sex with him. In one of our early conversations, I had told him that my ex had always made me feel bad when I would turn down sex with him. While him and I did have sex a few times during our relationship, I had since come to terms with the fact that I really was just doing it to make him happy. Once Matt got over his immediate anger for me, he had sat me down and told me that he could wait forever, but that he won’t have sex with me unless I tell him I’m ready.

That was months ago, and still, he has kept his promise. While we have done plenty of other things in bed, he has always made it a point to stop everything before it gets to the point of sex. At first, I felt riddled with guilt because I felt like I should want to have sex with my boyfriend —especially one so kindhearted as Matt — but over time that guilt has fizzled out from Matt’s reassuring words and actions. He never ever put me in situations that he knew had the potential to make me uncomfortable, and wouldn’t allow me to feel bad about it either.

Lately, though, I had been feeling slightly different. While before, I would squirm at the thought of anything more happening once Matt’s hand would slip out of my panties, now I feel a slight tightening in my stomach at the idea of more. And before, I would feel a certain level of nervousness as I felt the weight of his member in my hand, where now there is a flutter in my core at the thought of that same part of him filling me up.

Never before in my life had I felt any of these feelings, and I didn’t quite know what to do with them. I was afraid of the abundance of dirty thoughts that flooded my own head constantly, and I realized that I was ready for more, but only with Matt. I had been contemplating on telling him this for the past week, but as I watched him walk back over to me on the couch in nothing but baggy grey sweats — the black ink of his tattoos hypnotizing me — my body reacted in such a way that let me know that tonight was the night.

“Here, I know you didn’t say you wanted anything but I grabbed you a water anyways. I haven’t seen you drink any yet today and you-” I cut Matt’s rambling off by climbing on top of his lap as soon as he was back on the couch; wrapping my arms around his neck and planting a deep kiss to his pink lips. He responded with a soft hum against my lips before wrapping his own arms around the small of my back. I opened my mouth slightly before pressing it against his again and moving them in a slow but passionate rhythm. Matt quickly followed suit, slipping his tongue through my parted lips before using it to explore my mouth. I fluttered my eyes open for a brief moment and caught a glimpse of Matt’s most beautiful features up close — lidded eyes, flushed cheeks, straight eyebrows — and released a satisfied sigh against his mouth.

I ran my hands through his soft brown hair, tugging slightly at the ends and eliciting a soft gasp from him as I felt my body flood with arousal. His hands travelled up and down my back, his firm yet somehow delicate touch a comfort that eased my nerves. From my place on his lap, I could feel a growing hardness against my ass. This wasn’t uncommon, obviously, but in the past I usually pretended to ignore it pressing against me. This time however, I rolled my hips up and down, feeling it slide against my aching core. “Baby.” Matt’s voice was barely above a whisper against my lips, but the combination of shock and arousal was still evident in its tone as he grabbed firmly onto my forearms to hold me still.

I detached my mouth from his while still keeping our faces just centimetres apart. His breath was rapid, but so was mine as we stayed like that for a moment; wild eyed and equally uncertain. Finally, I repeated my action by grinding my hips against his clothed shaft; this time watching as his eyes rolled back slightly in pleasure. “Y/n, what are you doing?” He mumbled, clearly wavering between making sure I was okay and wanting desperately for more. I continued grinding my hips against him, my mouth dropping open as I felt his shaft reach my nerves. “I want you Matt.” I whispered, and I watched as his eyes widened in shock; pupils dilated. “What do you mean?” He asked hesitantly, brushing his knuckles softly against my arms.

“I mean, I’m ready. Ready to have sex again.” I blurted out, feeling my face immediately flush in equal parts nervousness and arousal as I waited for him to respond. His face was unreadable as he clearly tried to gauge whether or not I was serious. That was confirmed once he finally spoke. “A-are you sure? I don’t want you to think just because I’m hard we have to do anything, baby.” I felt his dick twitch in between my legs as he spoke, and it shot electricity down my spine. “I know Matt, but I really am sure.” I responded, running my hands up and down his bare chest and leaving a trail of goosebumps in my path.

He continued to stare at me, his eyes travelling wildly across my face; clearly still in a state of uncertainty. I, on the other hand, was growing more and more frustrated by the moment as the heat continued to grow between my legs. “Give me your hand.” I stated, and he obliged; placing his much larger hand in my own. I guided his hand down to the waistband of my sweatpants, inside of the material, and finally slid it against my dripping wet core. Intaking a sharp breath from the contact, I watched his face as it immediately darkened once he felt my arousal coat his fingertips.

“See? I told you I’m ready,” I leaned forward slightly, bringing my lips to his exposed collarbone and kissing it wetly. “So please Matt, can you fuck me?” The room stayed silent for a beat, the only sounds being our ragged breathing, and I felt fear begin to trickle down my spine; worried that Matt might reject me. Just as I was about to retract everything I had just said, Matt’s hand snaked to the back of my head, guiding it up from his chest before crashing his lips onto mine.

I deepened the kiss immediately, feeling a mutual level of desperation like a surge of electricity between our lips that had never been there before. Matt’s hands began traveling all across my writhing body — taking his time on the curves of my ass — before planting firmly on my hips where he helped them grind against his rock hard member. Breathy, almost silent moans fell from both of our lips as our bodies slid against each other, and the deep-rooted sensation was taunting.

Matt’s hands slithered from my hips up to the bottom of my t-shirt, where he toyed with the material for a moment before detaching his lips from mine. “Can I take this off?” He asked, glazed eyes staring longingly into my own. I nodded, and without a moment’s hesitation my vision was blocked for a brief second by Matt peeling the fabric over my head and tossing it to the side. Once my vision returned, my view was of Matt’s hungry eyes glued to my bare chest.

Matt had seen my tits countless times before throughout our relationship, but at this moment it was like he was seeing them for the very first time. Mouth slightly parted, his breathing was ragged as he brought both hands to my chest and cupped my tits delicately between them; pushing them together slightly and brushing a thumb along each nipple. I hissed at the feeling, and that seemed to pull him from his trance, as his eyes immediately shot up to mine. “This okay baby?” He asked, and I nodded my head wildly.

A smirk toyed at the corners of his mouth before he attached it to my left nipple. I released short moans as he sucked and nibbled it gently, still pressing my core against his throbbing shaft. I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into a trance that I had never experienced before, and it was like my body and mind had completely separated as I mindlessly tugged desperately at the waistband of his sweats. Catching on to my gesture, Matt shifted slightly below me before using one of his hands to haphazardly pull his sweats down slightly; allowing his cock to spring up in between my legs.

I gasped at the sight before me, only now realizing its true size with it between my legs and feeling just a tinge of excited fear trying to figure out just how it was going to fit inside of me. Shaking the thought from my mind, I collected a pool of saliva in my mouth before spitting it in my hand and bringing it down to his shaft.

Running my thumb along his slit, I felt his whole body shudder below me from the contact. I began pumping my hand up and down his length; spending extra time twisting my wrist around his sensitive tip, and watched as his mouth went slack on my tits. “Mmm, keep doing it just like that baby.” He muttered against my plump skin, and I continued to work his cock in my hand while simultaneously grinding my core against its base. Just knowing that I was making him feel good was making me feel good, and my eyes rolled to the back of my head in pleasure.

After a few short moments, I felt Matt’s hands snake to the waist band of my own sweats. My eyes found his again, and I watched as they searched my face. “You’re sure you want this, Y/n?” He asked, his voice gentle but laced with a huskiness that could only be explained as pure desire. I nodded desperately once again, feeling so pathetic but not capable of giving a shit. “I’m sure baby, please.” My voice had a slight whine to it, making my frantic need even more evident.

Planting a soft kiss to my lips, he grabbed firmly onto my sweats and began peeling them off of my body. I lifted my hips up slightly to assist him in this, and once I dropped them back down, I hissed from the feeling of my bare core against his cock. “Matty, I need you right now.” I practically cried out, leaning my body forward and planting nibbles and kisses along his exposed neck. The suspense was torturous, my body only just now recognizing how badly it was craving his.

His hands cupped my ass, and he used his grip to lift me just a couple inches off of him. I felt him spread me open slightly before dragging a finger once again against my aching folds. “Mmm, so wet for me baby.” I released a breathy moan at the combination of his touch and words, and squirmed in his grasp. “I’ll help you get it in, but I want you on top. That way you can take it as slow as you need to, okay?” His voice softened as he spoke, and his hands massaged me gently causing me to physically relax. “O-okay.” I muttered, so turned on that I was willing to do just about anything he wanted me to.

Just then, he placed a soft kiss to my lips before I felt the very tip of his cock brush against my opening; causing me to gasp. “Shh, it’s okay baby. I’ll go slow.” He whispered in my ear, and I pressed my forehead into the crook of his neck in anticipation. Finally, I felt my walls begin to expand as he pressed the first few inches into me. Moaning at the sensation, I felt my whole body flush in immediate lust. As if they had a mind of their own, my hips subconsciously began lowering onto his shaft; taking more and more of him as I sunk down.

A moan fell from his lips as my walls enveloped him inch by inch, and I slowly lifted my head from his neck and straightened my body up to allow more of him to fill me up. Even though he was big and I hadn’t had a dick in me in a long time, my slick arousal allowed him to bottom out without causing me to feel any pain; only indescribable pleasure. Once every inch of him was in me, I stayed still for a moment looking down at him. His desire was plastered across every inch of his face, and it made him look impossibly beautiful. There was no fear in me in that moment, only want, and so I began riding him.

As soon as I propelled my body up and down his shaft just once, I felt a pit of arousal begin to grow in my stomach. Groaning in pleasure, I continued with my moments; holding onto his shoulders to keep my trembling body stable. “Mmm you feel so good baby.” Matt moaned out, his eyes never leaving my pinched face. After a while, my body adjusted completely to his size and I was able to increase my speed. As I slid my walls up and down his shaft, Matt gripped onto my ass with all his might, using his hands to help me maintain my speed.

Moans fell from my lips as his cock ruthlessly hit my g-spot, and I felt my lower stomach build in pressure. “Fuck.” I muttered under my breath, feeling my skin go flush from the heat of the moment. The room filled with the echo of our wet skin slapping against each other, adding to the erotic air around us. Prolonged strings of moans fell aimlessly from my lips, and as I came closer and closer to my impending climax I began struggling to maintain my movements.

Matt seemed to pick up on this, as he adjusted his hips and began pounding into me from below; his hands holding me in place where I just clung onto him for dear life. “F-fuck Matty, like that. S-so good.” I cried out, my voice choppy from his rapid movements. My brain melted into a pool of liquid as all I could think about was reaching my high that was just out of reach. “You’re taking me so good baby.” Matt groaned out as he continued driving his length into me, staring deeply into my eyes with a fogged over expression.

“I-I think I’m gonna — oh god, think I’m g-gonna cum Matt.” My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I dug my nails into his shoulder blades, struggling to give into this new overwhelming sensation bubbling up inside of me. At this, a guttural moan fell from his lips and he somehow increased the speed of his thrusts even more. “Want you to cum around me baby, please.” There was a desperate whine to his voice as he spoke through his shortness of breath, and it was enough for me to reach my climax. Legs shaking, I released a plethora of moans and curses as my body was hit with multiple waves of indescribable pleasure. “Good girl, feels so good honey.” Matt’s voice was soft in my ear, and it helped to bring me back to earth as my hurricane of an orgasm left my body in shambles.

I continued to bounce on Matt’s dick slowly as I attempted to regain what little composure I had before my orgasm stole it from me, but I quickly learned that all of my energy had been stripped away. My body was trembling uncontrollably, and my head was filled with a fog that made it difficult for me to stay upright. Matt caught on to this, as he planted his hands firmly on my hips, keeping me still, before reaching forward and kissing me deeply. “You tired, baby?” He asked gently, rubbing circles on my sensitive skin. Sheepishly, I nodded, and Matt didn’t hesitate before guiding me off of his lap and helping me lay down on the couch.

As soon as my head hit the soft material, I felt my body immediately begin to relax again. I watched from my place on the couch as Matt began to slowly crawl over to me, before leaning above me. “You did so good baby,” He brought his lips to my chest and began dropping soft kisses against my skin, “Now,” His mouth travelled from my chest down to my stomach, “I want you to just lay here and relax,” He continued to move his lips down my stomach to my hips, “Let me make you feel good, okay?” His face was now hovering above my swollen heat, and I couldn’t help but nod frantically, feeling a sudden need to have his mouth on me.

Matt situated his body so that he could lay down with his face still just above my core. He brought both of his hands to my folds and I flinched as he used his thumbs to spread them apart slightly; exposing my bundle of nerves to the air. My vision partially skewed by his hair flopping in front of his eyes, I watched in awe as he brought his mouth closer and closer to where I needed it the most; before immediately gasping in pleasure once I felt his warm tongue make contact with my clit.

Immediately, Matt got to work in swirling his tongue in expert circles on my overstimulated nerves. This sensation in combination with his rough beard against my inner thighs was so intense it was almost painful in the best way possible, and I was incapable of controlling the throaty moans that fell from my lips as I watched him devour me entirely. Matt then used his mouth to suck on my nerves, bringing forward yet another new sensation that drove me crazy. It felt so unbelievably good, my hands flew to his hair where I held firmly; doing everything in my power to keep him in place. “Oh yeah baby, please, just like that.” I struggled to get the words out through my constant gasps of pleasure, but it was clear that they didn’t fall on deaf ears as Matt moaned in pleasured acknowledgement against my heat and kept his rhythm and pressure the exact same.

Feeling another orgasm begin to bear its teeth in my stomach, it was like my hips grew a mind of their own because as soon as Matt brought his hands under my ass to lift me slightly up on the couch; I began grinding my heat against his eager mouth. “Fuck.” He moaned against my clit as he continued to greedily suck and lick my nerves. I squeezed my eyes shut as a whine escaped my lips from an approaching orgasm, the pleasure that his mouth was giving me was too much. “S-stop baby.” I said suddenly, to which he immediately detached his mouth from me and I watched as his eyes scanned my fucked out face. “What’s wrong? You want to stop?” He seemed so concerned, clearly worried that he had somehow crossed a boundary, and it caused my chest to flutter. “N-no. It’s just, I was gonna cum again.” He raised a quizzical eyebrow, clearly confused by how that might be a problem. “I…I want to cum with you.” I finally said, and watched as his facial expression changed from one of concern back to one filled with lust.

He smiled quickly before dragging his body up my own, planting occasional kisses along my body on his way. Once he reached my head, he immediately began kissing me passionately, slipping his tongue through my parted lips and allowing me to taste myself on his mouth. Pulling away, I noticed my arousal laced throughout his beard, and that along with his pink swollen lips fresh off of my heat was enough to make my head spin. Just then, I felt him line his shaft up with my entrance, and immediately gasped out when he slid it in completely. Before moving at all, Matt took a moment to gaze down at my destroyed face before grabbing my legs and wrapping them around his waist. He then leaned forward and propped himself on his forearms on either side of my head; slipping a hand through my hair and grabbing onto it gently.

After noticing my body relax, he finally began thrusting into me. Starting off slow and deep, he gradually increased his speed until he was pounding his inches deep into me at a rapid pace. Already being close to cumming, I struggled to get a grip on my thoughts as the pleasure of the moment pulled me deeper and deeper into a world of euphoria. “You’re so tight sweetheart.” He muttered through his grunts, and I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head at his words. “F-feels so good Matty.” I managed to reply, tightening my legs around his waist as I tried everything I could to hold off my orgasm.

Matt’s hand snaked through my hair before he grabbed onto my cheek, brushing it gently with his thumb as he stared at me with a gaze so intense that it was almost intimidating. “I-I’m close Y/n.” He nearly whispered, and I felt his pace begin to slow slightly as he began to be overtaken by his own orgasm. My eyebrows knitted together as I felt my walls began to break. “M-me too.” I replied, wrapping my hands tightly around his biceps to keep me grounded. “Ah fuck, I’m cumming baby.” His erotic words were followed by a string of animalistic grunts as he drove his cock in and out of me — slow but hard — and it was like my body was waiting to hear those words as my second orgasm immediately ran through me like a freight train.

My breathy moans harmonized with his deep ones, and I felt my walls contract around his shaft; milking his dick as it painted them white. My legs were wrapped so tightly around his waist, he was barely able to move them as we both rode the waves of our intense pleasure. As my orgasm continued to tear through me, my back arched off of the couch and my body trembled. From above me, Matt watched me writhe in bliss as his movements completely stopped. As I finally began coming down from my high, I felt his hand brush through my hair affectionately, and watched as his face turned up in a smile before he placed a deep kiss to my lips.

He gently pulled his cock out of me, causing me to wince from the raw pain, before laying beside me on the couch and pulling me into him. Face to face, we stared lovingly at each other for a moment; my mind still spinning from how good he had made me feel, and in that moment I was worried that my heart might explode. His blissed expression told me that he was feeling the same, and his hand delicately rubbing the small of my back confirmed it. “Are you okay?” He finally asked, minor concern visible on his beautiful face. “I’m more than okay.” I answered honestly with a chuckle, causing him to laugh in relief as well. “I think I actually love sex.” I continued, causing him to really laugh this time before planting a kiss on my sweat-beaded forehead. “Well I think I actually love you.”

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #the sturniolos #the sturniolo triplets

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faithisyours · 4 months

Text

Something to Tell

Azriel x Ace Fem!reader

Summary: You and Azriel are recently mated. You decide to take things slow, but you have something personal to tell Az.

Warnings: coming out, fluff

Word Count: 965

A/N: Sup y’all. Sorry I’ve been absent, a lot of shit happened. Anyways, I really just wrote this one for me. I think the topic of asexuality is really left out of this book series and fandom, understandably so, but I think it would be an interesting subject to discuss, so I’m here to fulfill my own wishes. Given the lore and rules around mates, I don't even know if this could be considered a thing, but I’m gonna try my hardest to make it a thing for my ace baddies out there. IDK if I’m gonna make this a series or not (probably won’t), but maybe see how people like it before making decisions. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to tell me. As always, minors gtfo. Adults, you enjoy!

You’re just finishing up bottling an allergy tonic for your neighbor’s son when the door to your apothecary opens, the bell above ringing out. You know exactly who it is, and you are simultaneously filled with dread and relief. Azriel, your freshly bonded mate, walks into the back room where you are working, his big Illarian boots creaking the floorboards wherever he steps. When you look up to greet him he gives you a soft smile, a smile you return.

You’ve known Azriel for a little over a year now, ever since Mor begged him to come pick up her sleeping tonic from you because she had been busy. But the bond haden’t snapped for either of you until roughly a month ago, when you were out drinking at Rita’s with the inner circle, per Nesta’s invite. Over the years you had grown close with the inner circle, specifically Mor and Nesta. What had started out as small talk when they came to pick up a tonic had blossomed into a beautiful friendship.

But the last thing in the world you had wanted to happen was to form a bond with someone, especially someone as good and sweet and caring as Azriel. Sure, he is beautiful, you of all people can see that, but the physical attraction stops there, like it always does. Emotionally you two are very compatible, sharing similar interests in books, music, and dancing. After the bond had snapped you both decided to take things slowly, moreso for your sake than his. Every day you grow more and more in love with him; you’re just terrified to see the disappointment and confusion in his eyes after you tell him you’re ace.

“Almost ready to go, Love?” Azriel asks, his eyes following the skilled movements of your hands.

“Almost done,” you respond, screwing the cap and writing the label onto the bottle quickly. You buss your wok table, putting away ingredients and empty bottles. You look over everything twice more, checking for anything out of place, but also as a means to stall. You are dreading this conversation.

“Looks good, Love. Want me to grab your coat?” You turn to him, a small smile on your lips, and grab his hand, gently cradling it in yours.

“Actually… Can I talk to you for a minute before we leave? I need to tell you something.”

“Ya, of course,” he squeezes your hand gently, reassuringly. “What’s up?” You take a deep breath and guide him to sit in one of the chairs at your work table, then pull one towards yourself so you're sitting in front of him. You take both his hands in yours. You don’t make eye contact but instead stare at your hands intertwined.

“There’s something I need to tell you about myself and I need you to listen and let me explain before you say anything,” you look up to see him nodding, a look of concern and confusion on his face. The knot in your stomach is twisting. Your anxiety is through the roof, but you take a deep, albeit shaky, breath to steady yourself.

“Okay. I don’t really know how to go about saying this so I’m just gonna say it. I’m asexual, which means I form little to no sexual attraction, in my case none at all, to anyone. Which means the likelihood of me wanting to have sex with you is basically zero. I know it’s kind of a thing for mates to do it all the time, and so I thought since I am the way I am that I would never form a bond with anyone, but I guess I was wrong. And I know you're probably thinking, “well, didn’t the bond snapping make you feel anything like that?” and the answer would be no. Umm…I guess I just want to add and say that I’m not broken, and that life will be a little different with me, and that I know my boundaries, but I’m also willing to try things with you because I love you and trust you… And this doesn’t mean I don't find you attractive, because I do, I think you're really pretty, but it's more in a ‘I want to paint you’ sort of way instead of an ‘I want to fuck you’ sort of way. And I’m rambling so I’m going to stop now.”

Your leg is bouncing up and down, gaze still glued to your entwined hand. A beat of silence passes, and then he squeezes your hands, which in turn makes you look up at him. His eyes are full of understanding and love, emotions you were not expecting to see. You exhale the breath you didn’t realize you were holding, feeling some of your anxiety fade away.

“You think I’m pretty?” he asks, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. You roll your eyes at him, the last of your anxiety washing away. He stands and pulls you up to do the same. He releases one of your hands, using his to brush a rouge strand of hair behind your ear, then pulls you into a tight embrace. You’re taken off guard, but you melt into him, breathing in his crisp, piny scent.

“Thank you for telling me,” he squeezes you tighter. “And I know you said life will be different with you and I want to let you know I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you, and I know we can work through any problems we may face. You are perfect. Cauldron boil me if I ever so much as think to change a single thing about you.”

And with that, he releases you from his embrace, you wipe the few tears that had welled at his words, and you go home.

#acotar #azriel fanfiction #azriel fluff #azriel x reader #ace pride #fluff #acotar fic #azriel shadowsinger #fanfiction

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

Note

AITA for making a YouTuber feel uncomfortable?

Here me out please, before you all make assumptions.

A couple months ago, I(19F) began following a YouTuber that I quickly began to love. I won’t be saying the YouTuber’s name for the sake of protecting their privacy, obviously. I started to watch their videos(which were mainly about a story that she came up with, featuring her ocs) and enjoyed them all, enjoyed the ocs, too. This YouTuber is a relatively unpopular one, but not so unpopular that they’re obscure or completely unheard of, they’re just not one of the big names in the YouTuber community. I made a few amazing friends due to us being in the same fandom and both enjoying this YouTuber’s content. One day, I decided to write a fanfic for this person’s story featuring her ocs. I uploaded the fic to AO3 and made sure to credit the YouTuber with creating these amazing ocs. I then showed it to my few friends, who all loved the fanfic. However, one day I made the mistake of showing the fic to a mutual friend(now an ex-friend but that’s a topic for another discussion) that me and the YT both share, and she sent the fanfic to the YT without my permission. Now before y’all get up in arms, I didn’t mind at all that she had sent it to the YT, in fact, I actually wanted the YT to see. However I really wish that she had asked me first, because I would have been more than happy to show it to them! Unfortunately, a few days after I sent it to her, my other friend(let’s call her M) showed me an announcement the YT made on her Discord, in which she complained about people writing fanfictions of her ocs and “using” them in her stories without her permission. She also stated that she felt like she was losing control of her story when other people wrote fanfics of it, and that whoever wrote the fanfiction “didn’t understand boundaries”(even though she didn’t have this boundary before and also wrote in the announcement that she used to be okay with fanfics of her work, but now no longer is). I deleted the fanfic the moment I saw the post from my friend, but I was a bit disappointed since I never meant to make her feel uncomfortable and only wanted to show my love and appreciation for her story, and possibly get more people to check out her story as well. Still, I deleted the fanfic from AO3.

Now, here’s where things get interesting. A while later, I joined the YouTuber’s Discord server, where I met many people that I got along quite well with and quickly befriended. I often engaged in conversations with them about the story, and often drew fanart of my favorite character and posted it to the art channel in the server(she’s okay with fanart of her ocs, just not fanfics). Now is probably a good time to mention that while I was in the Discord server(and even before that) I often talked about the story with my friend on Tumblr(not M, these are two separate friends) who did not have Discord but loved the story just as much as I did. We often talked about the story and how much we enjoyed it, and often came up with jokes and headcanons, basic stuff like that, that any fan would do. Anyway, back to the Discord, one of the rules of the server was not to be disrespectful or rude or malicious towards other people, and another was that if you received two warnings about your behavior in the server then you would be quickly banned from the server and no longer allowed to come back. I understood this and tried to conduct myself to the best of my ability. However, one day, I found myself mysteriously unable to access the server, and when I tried to rejoin, I was again unable to. I found out that the reason I couldn’t access the server was because I had been banned due to “disrespectful behavior”, “engaging in arguments”, and making the YouTuber(who ran the server) uncomfortable. I was confused, because I genuinely don’t remember ever engaging in rude behavior with anyone. The few instances(according to them) in which I had been allegedly rude or disrespectful to people were both genuine misunderstandings, and both times I had apologized for them and did not repeat the behavior. I also did not receive any form of warning before being banned, despite one of the rules being that you will receive two warnings before being banned from the server. Still, I apologized for my alleged hostility and asked if I could come back, however the YouTuber said no, and went on to add that not only was I rude to people in the server(which, again, were both genuine misunderstandings), but that she had seen my Tumblr conversations with my friends in which I talked about her story, and said that she was “wildly uncomfortable” with how “obsessive” I was with it as well as my favorite character in the story. This bewildered me to no end because the YouTuber did not have Tumblr and had never once ever mentioned being on or having access to Tumblr, so I did not expect her to see my posts(and even if she did, I did not expect to get banned for them as they do not violate the rules of the server). It made me wonder why she didn’t just talk to me and explain to me that she was uncomfortable with me posting about her work instead of just banning me altogether and not giving me a chance to defend myself. I ended up sadly and reluctantly deleting all of my posts relating to her story, and requesting my friend to do the same. I told M about this scenario, and she was enraged on my behalf, saying that the YouTuber probably was actually upset about my having written a fanfic for her ocs, and said that she didn’t understand me being called obsessive because I acted like a normal fan would(which I agree with). Some of my other friends have sided with me as well and told me that the YouTuber was acting petty, however some of my friends have taken a middle ground. None of them entirely condemned me, but that may just be because they are biased and don’t want to hurt my feelings. The mutual friend/now ex-friend(of course) merely told me to “self-reflect” and move on from the story. Regardless, the YouTuber now has me blocked, not just on Discord, but on Instagram as well, where I also reside.

Reasons why I think I might be the asshole: I will admit that I have a tendency to really hyperfixate on things and get especially attached to fictional characters that I adore and resonate with, so I can see why that would make them uncomfortable. That being said…

Reasons why I think I might not be the asshole: I genuinely wasn’t trying to make this wonderful YouTuber feel uncomfortable or be “obsessive” with the story. I merely wanted to show my appreciation for it in a way that I thought was normal for online fans, which included writing a fanfic, drawing fanart, and geeking out about the story with my friends(admittedly publicly). I had no idea that these actions would turn the YouTuber off, and merely wanted to show how much I enjoyed the story. I also was never rude to anyone in the server and apologized whenever a misunderstanding rose up. I never tried to be aggressive with anyone or cursed anybody out or tried to have arguments with people, so I have no idea where that came from.

So, what say ye, oh wise people of Tumblr? Am I the asshole or not?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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sunlightmurdock · 11 months

Note

I want to know more about Beau x sunshine!reader, do you have any plans to write about it?

here’s some of what I wrote for it before, I don’t really have too many plans for finishing or posting it

…

“Penny for your thoughts?”

When Beau looks up, seven double measures of whiskey deep, he isn’t pleased to find a bubbly girl and her silly little grin looking back at him. In fact, he immediately scowls, unimpressed.

If this is your attempt at being cute, he isn’t having it. Luckily, you aren’t even trying yet. Just being friendly.

You shoot a glance across at your co-worker, Beth. She rolls her eyes at the miserable bastard on the other side of the bar and turns to give her attention to the patrons in here that might actually give her a tip at the end of this.

He’s been sitting there for a good few hours now. Since before your shift began at four, anyway. You give a small shrug and turn your back on him.

Beau glances up once more. He takes his time to look now that you’re not grinning back at him. When he was younger, he would’ve gone for you. You’re dressed kind of like she used to.

Dylan was saying something the other day about the early two-thousands being back in style, but Beau tends not to listen to his eleven-year old son’s fashion advice. It’s hard to take the kid who only just figured out that maybe wearing his jeans a size too big doesn’t make people think he’s bigger than he is seriously.

Thinking of Dylan snaps Beau quickly back to reality. He peels his eyes away from your short shorts and tank top, instead opting to look at his glass. He’s not sure how old you are, but probably not old enough to be dating a man with an eleven-year old son and a fifteen-year marriage that just went down the drain.

Whilst his eyes are on his almost empty glass, he can’t help but glance down at his wedding band. He’s an idiot for still wearing it. She hasn’t worn it since she told him she was leaving, and that was months ago.

He’s an idiot for thinking that this would all blow over and that she would change her mind.

Beau lifts his glass and finishes the rest, then slams the glass down a little too loudly on the bar. He exhales deeply and pinches the bridge of his nose.

You turn your head slowly as you close the cash register, staring at the clearly devastated man at the end of the bar. You hand the customer their change and find yourself wandering back to him.

“How ‘bout a dollar for your thoughts?”

Beau opens his eyes slowly, staring back at you, completely unimpressed. He’s heartbroken, and a girl like you isn’t going to want to hear about this mess.

“‘Cause yours seem pretty juicy, that’s all,” You shrug playfully, leaning onto the bar with your elbows and smiling across at him. He stares back at you, you realise that a dollar isn’t going to cut it. “Fine, fine — a free drink and you’ll spill?”

Beau’s thick brows furrow slightly. For one, he’s confused on what a pretty, young girl is doing bothering someone his age, and for two — “How come you’re so interested?”

“It’ll make my shift go faster. Plus, my good friend over there and I have a bet going as to whether or not you’re single. She hasn’t noticed the wedding ring yet and once you open up, I’m about to win twenty bucks.”

Beau rolls his eyes. The service in this place has been kind of slow this afternoon. You girls have been busy gossiping away and pissing him off without meaning to. He figures that if he just tells you the half of it, he’ll get that next drink a little bit faster.

He glances down at his wedding ring and toys with it. Finally, he scoffs and pushes his empty glass towards you.

“You owe her a twenty, actually.”

You furrow your brows, but make good on that promise of a free drink, as you turn to grab the bottle. “So, do you wear that thing for fun?”

“My wife left me.” Beau mumbles, his voice deep and sullen. He won’t meet your gaze as he talks, which is a shame, because he’s pretty. Black hair with some silver passing through it. You can tell that he’s the type of guy that’s usually clean shaven, but he’s got a couple of days of scruff on him.

You pour him a little over a double. Closer to a triple. Being the miserable prick that he has grown to be, Beau takes this as incompetence rather than you just being kind to him. But, he doesn’t say anything.

“You must be a real asshole.” You say playfully, lips quirked at the sides. Beau lifts his gaze and stares back at you scoldingly. You grin. “Y’know, because there’s no way she left you because you’re ugly. Not with a face like that.”

He scoffs, shaking his head. Still, it’s been a long time since he was called handsome by a pretty girl in a bar. He lifts his glass and takes a sip of it. Setting it back down, he notices the clear view down your tank top that he’s got and looks back up at you.

“Take your shoes off.” Beau says it before you’re even through the door, tossing his keys down on the entryway table by the door. He walks ahead of you with his shoes on.

You frown slightly, but obey, kicking your sandals off and leaving them by the door. You trail slowly after him, taking your time to be nosey with the pictures on the walls.

There’s an empty frame in the middle. His wife. Beside that, is a picture of Beau. He’s holding two children, one can’t be older than a year old and the other is maybe six. He looks a little younger in this photo but the sun is glaring on it.

You reach out to straighten the frame so that you’ll be able to see it properly.

“Don’t touch that.”

You jump, turning quickly to find Beau at the end of the hall, staring at you.

“Come on.” He turns and you follow again, more obediently this time. He walks you through to the back of the house and opens the door to his office.

He’s sitting back in the leather office chair, one knee crossed over the other.

You trail your fingers over the plaque, his name engraved in it. Turning back to him, you watch as he sets a cigar between his lips and lights it with an expensive looking lighter.

“Thought you didn’t smoke?” You enquire.

He nods and sets the lighter down. He breathes out a puff of grey smoke and pulls the glass ashtray towards him.

“My wife made me quit.” He replies calmly. He’s still wearing that wedding ring, it sits heavily on his ring finger. You cross the office towards him, glancing down at the rug as you feel the soft material under your feet. Him being in your way makes no difference in where you’re headed.

Beau pushes the chair back slightly from the desk as you step past him, nudging the ashtray out of your way, then the keyboard for his computer. You lift yourself up onto the thick, expensive oak desk, sitting in front of him.

That flimsy sundress wouldn’t do much to hide your modesty from where you’re sitting anyway, but Cyclone knows exactly what you’re doing when your rest your feet on his thighs, legs parted just slightly. From where he’s sitting, in his oh-so-important office chair, he’s got a perfect view of the black satin between your legs.

“Your wife made you quit,” You muse, turning and leaning back on one of your palms. With your other hand, you lift the ashtray and examine the fresh ash and the not so fresh ash below that. “But you have an ashtray, and this pretty lighter.”

You set down the ashtray and pick up the lighter. His initials are monogrammed into the silver. He watches as you flick it open, ignite the flame and then flick it closed again.

“I said that she left me, didn’t I?” Beau sits back in the chair and parts his knees further. With your feet resting on his legs, this, in-turn, parts your legs further too.

He has no shame in letting his gaze fall between your legs now, he’s slow in bringing it back up to your face. He exhales another puff of smoke.

You set the lighter down, tilting your head at him.

“Who could leave such a delightful man behind?” You tease, knowing that if he was this miserable when she was still around then she did herself a favour.

Beau raises his eyebrows at you. He’s quiet for a moment, then speaks, “You’ve got an attitude problem, sweetheart.”

“Me? — Have you looked in a mirror recently, old man?” You scoff, pushing at his thigh with your foot. He catches your ankle, just holding it there, letting you know that he’s got you.

Your smirk grows, lips quirking upwards as you lean forwards. You reach out and brush your fingers over his cheek. Your fingertips are soft against his skin. You trail your touch along his temple, gently onto his forehead. You scrunch your brows as you touch the frown lines between his, mimicking the faces he would have made to get them.

Beau catches your wrist with his free hand, taking it away from his face. He squeezes your arm before dropping it, you almost shiver at the gentle enough force. He sets his cigar down in the ashtray and lifts his hand. He does the same, brushing his fingertips over your face. Your cheek, your temple, your jaw. You close your eyes as he touches you.

He sits back in the chair again, knees parted, bringing the cigar to his mouth once more.

You turn and pick up his glass of bourbon. He watches as you swish the liquid around almost carelessly in the glass, right next to his irreplaceable, top secret files. You bring it up and inhale softly.

“Do you like the taste of this stuff?” You ask, not particularly impressed by its smell. The Hard Deck doesn’t stock this kind of bourbon.

Beau nods, exhaling smoke once more. His fingers skim past your ankle and trace the bare skin of your calf. “Three hundred dollars a bottle, I’d sure hope that I like it.”

You hum. Beau watches, intrigued as you take a small sip. You let it sit on your tongue for a moment and then swallow. His eyes fall down to look at that black satin between your legs again, then back up as you hum softly.

“You like it?” Beau asks, brushing his thumb along your calf softly. You give an innocent shrug of your shoulders.

“You want to taste it?” You reply. Beau’s brows scrunch together just slightly, those frown lines reappearing and making you smile amusedly. You push yourself down from the desk and into his lap in one gentle movement, your knees nestled either side of his hips.

You lift the glass and take a small sip of the expensive liquid, then lean forwards. It’s on your lips when you first kiss him. Sweet and smoky, just like he likes it. His big, brutish hand comes up to cup the nape of your neck, holding you against him.

You nip softly at his bottom lip, holding back an excited whimper as he tugs gently at your roots. You caress your tongue against his, the flavour of it now on both of your tastebuds. Notes of caramel and vanilla.

You hum softly, gentle fingers tracing over the salt and pepper coloured stubble on his jaw, “Mm, I think I like the taste of bourbon.”

Beau’s hand trails down your spine, grabbing at your hip, his other hand coming to hold at your other. He pulls you firmer onto him. You grind yourself down onto him slowly.

You can taste the cigar on his tongue, now mixed with the bourbon. As much as you didn’t think you’d like the pairing, you like the way it tastes on him. It tastes like how you’d expect him to taste.

Well aware that you’re about to spill expensive bourbon on his even more expensive rug, Beau takes the glass from your hand and sets it back down on the desk, tugging you closer to him.

He pulls back and tilts your chin. Now that you’ve made it clear that he can have you, he takes a moment to decide whether he wants to take you upstairs and fuck you in his bed, or right here on his desk.

Slipping your hand between your legs, shifting back for better access, his decision is made for him as you stroke your palm over his black slacks. You lift your gaze, looking at him in the eye as you gently graze your touch over his bulge.

Beau’s thumbs stroke slowly over your hips.

He watches your face rather than your movements as you reach forwards and gently slip his belt from the first loop, then move to work open the buckle.

Your attention quickly shifts. Beau raises his brows as you abandon the now unbuckled belt and instead sit forwards to loosen his tie. This repeats, you get halfway through unbuttoning his shirt and move back to the belt. You’re nervous.

Beau catches your busied hands between one of his, holding them still against the leather of his belt. He does the work for you, unbuttoning his shirt the rest of the way and slipping it off of his shoulders, leaving him in a white undershirt and his slacks.

He watches the way your eyes study the material, as you try to make your mind up about what you’re about to do next. He decides for you, taking hold of the bottom of the undershirt, sitting back to lift it over his head and drop it down along with his shirt.

You bite the inside of your cheek softly as you trail your fingertips from his shoulders to his hips, tracing each inch of the newly exposed skin.

It’s been over fifteen years since he was with anyone else. He was expecting not to like this as much as he had liked being with his wife, but there’s a level of intrigue he gets from watching you. He enjoys it.

“Your turn.” Beau decides, thumb brushing against the hem of your sundress. You stand up from his lap. Beau picks his cigar back up and lights it again, watching as you step out of the dress.

He lifts his hand, index finger extended, then motions it in a small circle as he exhales another breath of grey smoke. Your lips quirk as you turn for him, slowing so that he can get a good look at you from behind before you’re facing him again.

…

#beau cyclone simpson #Jon Hamm #Beau Simpson #top gun: maverick #ceasefire

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oldiesstationlover11607 · 2 months

Text

Neighbours - Josh Dun x Reader

Pairing: Josh Dun x Reader and Tyler Joseph!Best Friend x Reader

Warnings: None! Super fluffy <3

A/N: This is my first writing post ever! This came from a writing prompt where the reader ends up with Tyler but I was having a Josh day when I wrote it so it's more focused on Josh! Hope you enjoy and feedback is appreciated!!

It was early winter, two weeks from the end of the school term and our short winter break. Driving to and from school were some of my favorite moments during the week. I got to listen to anything I wanted as loud as I wanted to, which included some of my friends’ music. Parking outside the house, I got out and unlocked the door, letting my dog out. A small golden cockapoo who always jumped up on me whenever she saw me.

“I missed you too Liberty,” I laughed and grabbed her leash, heading out to take her for a walk. My neighbor and classmate Josh always met me and took his dog Jim for a walk with us. Liberty led the way as we walked over to his house, but before we could knock on the door a white car drove past us.

“Hey!” It was Josh, running late from school. Josh was almost never late but looking close at the car I noticed another boy was in the car, a basketball player in their year above us.

The car parked and Josh got out running over and giving Liberty a good cuddle. The other boy got out of the car, he was wearing a white basketball jersey with red writing on it, number 3.

“Oh yeah, this is Tyler,” Josh turned back to look at the boy. Tyler. He gave me a shy wave. I’d heard about him through the grapevine, he was one of the best highschool basketball players in the region.

“How did you guys meet each other?” I asked, knowing full well that Tyler was probably trying to use Josh for his grades. While Josh was considered cool by the jocks, he would never be seen hanging out with them.

“Tyler came up to me in homeroom and showed me a demo he made a few weeks ago. He wanted me to play something on the kit for him.” Of course it was a music thing. Josh couldn’t pass up an opportunity to play music with people, even if the person was a jock. “I’ve actually got to set up the kit inside. Tyler, do you want to go around the block with y/n?” Tyler nodded and Josh went inside.

“Josh has told me a lot about you,” Tyler looked forward at Liberty as she led the way.

“Oh really?” I mutter.

“Yep. He told me you hate jocks,” Tyler tugs on the collar of his jersey. Of course Josh told him that. It wasn’t that I hated jocks, I just didn’t trust them. Tyler was no exception. “You do know I only started playing basketball because I had no one to hang out with, right? I’ve always liked music. I’ve seen you and Josh hang out together at the music store before, you’re both so talented.” He was trying to make me like him. Tyler was a quiet boy. Yes, he was popular and a great sportsman but there was something different about him. Music was that something. Tyler wasn’t the tallest of the basketball players at our school, he didn’t have the average build, nor did he have the normal haircut of a basketball player. I’d seen him in middle school with grown out hair before he buzzed it off once he became a senior. The buzzcut worked for him, to some extent.

“I’ve seen you too. You’re a good player Tyler, not that I care much about sports.” He laughed at that. We turned the block and started to walk back towards Josh’s house. I was alway tired the moment I got home from school. Josh and I normally talked out the day together, I wished he was there with me.

“Thanks, y/n.” We turned into Josh’s driveway and I waved goodbye.

After a couple months of Tyler spending Fridays and weekends at Josh’s place, we’d all become good friends. Even Tyler and I had spent some time alone, Tuesday lunchtimes we hung out in the library and worked on our projects together.

“Y/n! You won’t believe this,” Josh ran into the library with Tyler following close behind. Josh had picked me up and spun me around in excitement.

“What?” I laughed once I felt my feet back on the ground. This had to be good. Tyler had caught up to Josh and stood next to him with a smile on his face. They both stayed quiet.

“What?” I urged further.

“Do you want to tell her?” Josh turned to Tyler.

“Hmm, do you?” he responded.

“Just tell me!” I laughed, shoving Josh away as he wrapped his arms around me once again.

“We got a record deal,” Tyler beamed.

“No. No way!” I looked up at Josh, who was still holding me and smiling down at me. “I told you Tyler, I told you you’re talented!” I could feel the happiness flowing through my veins. “What are we gonna do to celebrate?”

“I’ve got work tonight but you and Ty should definitely do something together,” Josh suggested. Ty had a basketball game after school which would probably end around five and Josh started working at 4:30. The plan we’d made was for me to hang with both of them at different times that day and the next we’d all get together and listen to their tracks for their sophomore album. The perfect plan. We all sat down for lunch, hiding the food under the table so we’re not caught by the librarian, and worked on our assignments.

“Wait, so are you guys going to drop out?” I asked Josh. Tyler was playing his game while Josh and I were sitting in his car.

“I don’t think so. We’ll just record during the semester and then once we graduate we’ll probably tour,” he responded. Josh and I were sitting in the back seats, before we met Tyler that was where we ate lunch, in Josh’s car in the school parking lot.

“I’d miss you if you went on tour Josh,” I sighed. He ran a hand through his curly hair and looked at me with a look I couldn’t entirely understand. “What?”

“You’re beautiful. You know that right?” I still didn’t understand what was going on. “Come here,” Josh opened his arms and I moved so I was sitting right next to him. “No matter what happens with this record deal, I will always be here for you. But I promised myself that if anything ever happened with my music I’d tell you how I really felt about you.” I stared blankly up at his hazel eyes.

“I like you too,” I grinned before he could say anything, “if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have let you hug me like you do.” He let out a sigh of relief and rested his forehead against mine.

“Good. I’m gonna kiss you now.” I nodded as he placed his lips gently against mine. They were soft, warm. He cupped my jaw and tilted my face up towards his so he could reach down and kiss me. I placed my hand around the back of his neck and tangled my fingers through his curls. He groaned when I pulled away, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.” Me too Josh, me too.

“Games over!” Tyler opened the passenger door to find us still cuddling in the back seat.

“Did you win?” I asked, still leaning against Josh.

“Yup,” Tyler grinned.

“Of course you did,” Josh laughed as we both got out of the car hugged, him sneaking a quick kiss on my shoulder. We’d agreed to wait till the next day to properly tell Tyler what was going on, let us enjoy it for a wee bit. Ty and I walked to his car, he threw his bag in the trunk and got in the driver’s seat.

“Where you wanna go?” he asked, pulling out of the parking lot.

“The lookout?” Tyler and I had our own spot in Columbus, a little lookout about 10 minutes away from school. Ty nodded and handed me the aux cord.

“So, what was up with you and Josh?” He asked as I scrolled through my phone to play some music.

“Huh?”

“You guys were acting all funny in the backseat,” he raised an eyebrow.

“No we weren’t.”

“Dude yes you were!” Tyler laughed, “I know he likes you Pip.” Damn it Josh! Of course you tell Tyler everything!

“He kissed me,” I had to bite my lip to avoid smiling like an idiot.

“No!” Tyler reacted like a teenage girl, “I knew it!!” I nodded excitedly as we pulled into our usual spot. “I knew you guys would end up together.”

“Sure you did Ty. But you can’t tell him I told you because we were gonna wait till tomorrow to tell you.”

“I can’t believe he held himself back from bragging to me,” he scoffed. Tyler’s reaction was better than I thought it would be. “I can’t wait till you guys name your son Tyler.”

“What?!”

Please submit any requests y'all have! I love to write so let me know if you've got any!

#josh dun #twenty one pilots #fanfic #joshua dun #josh dun imagines #twenty one pilots imagines #josh dun imagine #twenty one pilots fan fiction #josh dun x reader #tylerjoseph #tyler joseph #tyler joseph imagine #tyler joseph x reader #skeleton clique #clancy #masterlist

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slipping-through-my-fingertips · 6 months

Text

In My Head, I’m Yours

Epilogue: Wrapped Around Your Finger

Ao3

A/n: this was so fun to write, I’ll probably do more Percabeth fics in the future 🥰

2 years later

Delphi is back in the same bar where Annabeth first saw Percy. Unlike that night, no one can just walk in and expect to see them. There’s a line of fans waiting for the doors to open; all of whom got their tickets over 6 months ago. It’s completely sold out. Annabeth walked around the building to the stage door, knocked 3 times, until a bouncer appeared. He checked her pass before letting her in.

She found the dressing room easily as there were only two rooms back here. One of which she felt couldn’t really be called a bathroom, as it was most likely an old storage room now turned bathroom.

Annabeth knocked on the other door and Jason shouted come in.

“Annabeth!” Piper exclaimed, running over to hug her.

The two girls have become extremely close in the last year. Even though Piper had seen her only hours ago, she was hugging her like it had been months.

“Can you let go of my girlfriend now?” Percy asked.

Annabeth could see him over Piper’s shoulder but his comments only made Piper hold tighter.

“You hog her,” Piper said, “she’s mine tonight.”

Jason butted in and playfully pulled his girlfriend away from Annabeth, who was laughing at their antics. She was distracted enough by Piper jokingly trying to escape Jason’s hold on her in order to tattle Annabeth again that Annabeth didn’t realize how close Percy was to her. So when she was pulled into a kiss, it took a second before her lips caught up to her brain.

Kissing Percy never got old. His hands were on her exposed back pressing her closer to him. He was warm and smelled like the ocean. It was a new cologne Annabeth had gotten him for his birthday a few weeks ago. When he pulled back, his forehead rested against hers.

“You’re always mine,” he told her, low enough that it was just between them.

“As long as you’re always mine too,” she replied.

Watching Delphi perform also never got old. From backstage, it definitely had a different feeling than standing in the audience. Some nights, Annabeth likes to be by the bar again remembering the times she sat at the bar with Thalia and Leo, before she knew who Percy was, before she got to call him hers.

He was hers now. The way he smiled at her when he turned around to change instruments. Percy always made her feel like the show was just for her. Even with the bar packed wall to wall, he was still performing for an audience of one.

“We wrote this one a few years ago,” Percy introduced. “It’s about a relationship ending but also hoping it won’t.”

“Luckily for Percy, who released his negative nature into this song, he turned out to be very, very wrong,” Piper added.

“And to this day, she’s got him wrapped around her finger!” Jason said.

“Whatever, stop embarrassing me on stage in front of a live audience!” Percy exclaimed. “I love my girlfriend okay!”

The crowd cheered.

Delphi’s fans knew about Percy’s girlfriend but no one really knew her. Annabeth didn’t get recognized, not even at their gigs. Though she was almost always in attendance. Percy wasn’t that active on social media and Annabeth kept hers private.

She didn’t need him to shout it from the rooftops but whenever he talked about her on stage, her whole face got hot.

And it wasn’t as if they were hiding anything. She was the first person he sought when he came off of the stage. Percy included her in their post-show hugs, which at first Annabeth had found to be rather disgusting but she was learning to love them. He hummed her new songs and played new guitar riffs he was working on before sharing them with his bandmates.

Making all our plans in the Santa Cruz same that night

I thought I had you in my palm of my hand that night

First date

Open communication

Fall in love

Annabeth remembered the deal they made in the California sand.

Their first date hadn’t waited long. After they cleared the air, Percy had lifted her up and kissed her.

“Where are we going?” She asked, allowing herself to be led away from the ocean.

“We have a list to begin checking off,” he answered.

“Oh, do we?”

“I owe a beautiful girl a date.”

They found a 24-hour diner ordered strawberry and chocolate shakes and a plate of curly fries.

“What’s your favorite color?” Percy asked. “Mine’s blue.”

“Well obviously,” she said,

“I’m an open book.” He shrugged.

“I like green,” she replied, “seafoam green.”

“Yeah? Any reason in particular?”

He had a twinkle in his eyes that suggested he knew exactly why. But Annabeth was never one to make things easy for him.

She shook her head. “Nope.” Annabeth sipped her milkshake but she was smirking.

Percy grabbed her hand from across the table.

Going back to her hotel room—Percy was sharing one with his bandmates—and falling into bed together didn’t ruin the sweetness of their first date. In fact, it felt very them.

Screaming at the top of my lungs til my chest felt tight

I told myself that I’m never gonna be alright

You had me wrapped around my finger

Open communication was harder. Even with their chosen safe word, they had their fair share of fights. Their pasts caught up to them, their insecurities made themselves known. But neither of them used riptide.

It wasn’t always something life-alternating that they fought over. Sometimes it was over dirty dishes in the sink or using up all the hot water.

This fight wasn’t over something small. Eight months of calling themselves a couple and this was their biggest fight to date.

Annabeth couldn’t remember exactly how it started. She had come back from the firm, carrying a thousand things in her hands. The blueprints had already fallen twice on the way to her apartment.

Her phone was buzzing in her pocket and she was hoping to any god out there that it wasn’t her work mobile. If she had to stare at one more spreadsheet tonight, Annabeth was going to lose it.

Once inside the apartment, blissfully empty apartment, she dropped all of her things unceremoniously on the floor.

She got a shower and tried to scrub the awful day off of her.

Then the music started. Her terrible, no good, neighbors were playing some bass heavy music at a god awful volume. She was ready to yell at someone, anyone and they had it coming.

Annabeth was ready to march over there and pound on their door until they heard her but when she threw open her door her boyfriend was standing in front of her.

“Hey, I brought dinner,” he said.

She let out a breath. “Hi.”

“You forgot didn’t you?” Percy teased, “we made dinner plans.”

“I did forget, I’m sorry.”

He shrugged and led her inside.

Everything seemed fine. They ate and were watching a movie despite the music from next door. But her anger was sitting there under the surface waiting to explode.

Finally, after turning up the tv again Annabeth jumps up from the couch.

“That’s it!”

Percy grabbed her hand, pulling her back down onto the couch, “Hey, hey, what’s going on?”

They were facing each other now. Annabeth felt warm, literally hot with anger.

“I just had an awful day, I hate my neighbors, and I just want to scream at someone.”

“Tell me about your awful day,” he said, still holding her hand.

She shook her head. “I really don’t want to.”

“You shouldn’t keep it all bottled up, it’s not healthy.”

She knew that but Annabeth wasn’t in the mood for venting. She wanted a fight. Which is probably why she picked one with Percy.

“Percy, I don’t want to talk about it.”

Annabeth tried to keep her voice at a normal volume but he kept pushing.

“Stop! Just stop! You can’t solve all my problems.”

“Not if you don’t let me try.”

Annabeth knew she was yelling but Percy’s voice was steady still. She was almost thankful the music next door was so loud because it downed out their argument.

“I’m just so sick of it!”

“Of what?”

“Oh this! The bad days, the music, and just…”

It was like Percy knew what was coming. He was egging her on.

“Say it!” he dared.

“You! You’re suffocating.”

“Because you won’t talk to me!”

“All we do is talk!”

This went on for longer than Annabeth was proud of. It wasn’t until her eyes welled up with tears that she realized what was happening. She didn’t want to be fighting with her boyfriend.

What she wanted was to snuggle up on the couch and finish their movie.

So she said, “riptide.”

Immediately, Percy froze.

“I’m sorry,” she said, letting some tears escape. “I don’t want to fight. I didn’t mean it.”

He pulled her into his arms and whispered into her hair, “me too, me too.”

They ended up talking about Annabeth’s bad day at work. She complained for the umpteenth time about her neighbors. Percy had probably heard these same complaints from Thalia, Leo and her once a week if not more. She was facing Percy on the couch again, sitting crossed legged and eventually got all of her venting out of her system.

“I don’t think I can help with the work issues, but it sounds like everything will be fixed by Monday because you were just having an off day and everyone’s allowed to have those,” Percy said, “but I do have a solution to the neighbor problem.”

“Really because we’ve been thinking of issuing a formal complaint with the landlord. And I really don’t want it to come to that but we’ve talked to them before and nothing happened…” she rambled.

“I think you should move in with me,” Percy said.

“And the landlord doesn’t exactly like Leo, there was this incident when we first moved in and…wait what did you just say?”

Percy smirked, “Annabeth, will you move in with me?”

Annabeth opened her mouth but nothing came out.

“It doesn’t have to be my place either, we can look for somewhere together.”

She threw herself into his arms and kissed him. Annabeth’s hands wove themselves into his hair pushing his face closer to hers. Percy’s hands were trapped between their stomachs. Annabeth had total control over this kiss; she wrapped her legs around his waist pushing down on his crotch. He was groaning into her mouth so she shut him up by adding her tongue.

She wished she never had to breathe again so she could keep kissing him but she needed to breathe and so did he. Annabeth pressed their foreheads together and cupped his face in her hands.

“I am in love with you,” she told him. “Let’s start looking at places right now.”

“Can’t we finish the movie first?” He asked, but he was smiling at her enthusiasm. “Or maybe go upstairs and make out?”

“Just make out? Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?” She felt his forehead like he might be running a fever for suggesting such a thing.

“I am in love with you too by the way.”

Annabeth kissed him again.

They never got around to finishing their movie.

I’m wrapped around your finger

When the crowd started cheering for an encore, she knew Delphi couldn’t resist. She made her way backstage to the dressing room.

It was a small space. Annabeth definitely wished she would have designed this building because they were in need of some serious changes.

The dressing room consisted of pairs of tables with matching chairs against the left and right walls with rectangular mirrors hanging above them. These acted as vanities as the bands got ready.

The table Piper used still had her makeup spread out across it. Jason’s had a neatly stacked pile of clothes to change into while Percy’s had a phone charger and his wallet. Percy’s bag was hanging from the chair.

Annabeth’s purse was sitting on the small couch on the back wall of the room. She sat crossed legged at Percy’s table and charged her phone. By the time Delphi got off stage, Annabeth had been scrolling through posts about the show for the past 20 minutes.

greeneyes818: who’s seeing delphi tonite?

piedpiper: @greeneyes818 didnt you go to like the last 5 shows

greeneyes818: @piedpiper yes, and?

piedpiper: @greeneyes818 cu there

Most were about fellow fans meeting up but some stood out to her.

p3rcystan: if percy could stop being hot for like 5 seconds I think I could remember my name

Annabeth had to agree. She was so sucked into it that Percy’s arms around her made her jump. He rested his head on her right shoulder.

“Did you like the show?” He asked, not moving.

“Eh, not your best work.” She shrugged.

Percy quickly spun the chair around and kissed her.

“How about now?”

Annabeth chuckled and tried to stand but her boyfriend pushed her back into the seat.

“Answer me.”

Unfortunately for Annabeth, this side of Percy—the teasingly dominant side—only made her want him more.

“Alright listen,” Jason said, “if you’re gonna hook up backstage at least wait til we leave the room.”

That snapped them out of their daze. Only to find Jason standing with his arms crossed and Piper hiding a laugh behind her hands.

Percy shrugged, clearly not sorry at all.

“I have a hot girlfriend, sue me.”

Annabeth punched his shoulder.

“What?”

“Just hot?” she said.

“Hot, amazingly smart and gorgeous and she does this thing with her…”

Annabeth slapped a hand over his mouth, which only led to Percy licking her palm.

“You’re disgusting, I want to break up.”

At this point, Jason and Piper had packed up and left but Annabeth hadn’t noticed their absence. She didn’t have a chance to think it was strange they left before having a post-show hug.

Percy pouted. “You know you love me…” he sang.

She walked over to the couch to grab her purse. Suddenly, she realized how hungry she was. Leftover pizza at their apartment sounded insanely good right now.

“I might just have cold pizza when we get home because I am…” Annabeth never got to finish her thought before when she turned around Percy was kneeling and holding out a small blue box.

Her lip trembled. Annabeth never thought she was much of a crier but damn it this man in front of her made her feel things she didn’t know existed. And he wanted to marry her.

He wanted her to stay. Forever.

So she did.

#percabeth #Percabeth fanfic #Percabeth fanfiction #my fics

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freneticfloetry · 11 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Will I ever get enough of these? No? Thanks to @liminalmemories21, @strandnreyes, @welcometololaland, and @reyesstrand for the tags!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

45. RIP to the lost works of my OG fandom, published on a ship board/archive that no longer exists. (I still have most of them, they just won’t be seeing the light of day. Like ever.)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

368,184. (Again, RIP to all those now-unpublished words — with them I’d be somewhere around 800k.)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

LOL So glad this question is phrased the way it is. Right now, I’m only actively writing in 911 Lone Star fandom, though I have a WIP in Magicians fandom that I fully intend to finish. Historically, I’ve written in about 40 fandoms (36 on AO3), most with a single fic. Thanks, Yuletide!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Ashes and Flame (Every You and Every Me), The Hunger Games Trilogy (I get a kudos email for this one at least five times a week. How are people still finding and reading this little fic?)

Lost in Translation, The Losers

Deck the Halls with Daddy Issues, pre-film Avengers MCU

Big Girl Pants, New Girl

Shells of a Long-Ago Lifetime (Faces That Once Were Mine Mix), Supernatural

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

99.9% of the time, absolutely. Comments are my biggest motivation — the serotonin section fuels my muse. If people take the time to tell me they read and enjoyed a fic (especially if they tell me why), I like to at least thank them for that. There have been times when Real Life has been Happening A Lot and comments on the more popular stuff have gotten by me, and I feel weird about going back months after the fact to respond — that Hunger Games fic, for instance, has a couple pages of unanswered comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Posted, probably Of All Our Yesterdays. I am typically an Angst with a Happy Ending writer without fail, but the boys of the Black Dagger Brotherhood don’t do typical happy, and Phury is lowkey the angstiest of the bunch.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I’m actually gonna say scenes from an unfinished story, because I think Quentin Coldwater having this happy ending, the way this one happens, is the biggest fuck you to show canon and its creators that I could possibly craft.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I recently got my first hate comment! I posted about it, but I’ve also left it up in all its glory.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do now! Not that I haven’t in the past — I wrote several het scenes for my very first ship, and Quentin and Eliot had some delightful married kitchen sex we picked up right in the middle in What Baking Can Do — but I feel like Tarlos has really helped me unleash my inner smut writer. My smut from Carlos’ POV has a lot of feelings (LOL), but the stuff I’m writing from TK’s POV is a little sillier and dirtier and more fun. With feelings.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do love me a good crossover. Outside of canons I’ve crossed that exist in the same universe (We Are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For, in Jessica Jones/Luke Cage fandom, plus And to All a Goodnight, for two Jennifer Crusie books), I once wrote tens of thousands of words of a ridiculously plot-heavy Roswell/Angel crossover that will forever hold a soft spot in my heart, a randomly cracky and super angsty Supernatural/Grey’s Anatomy, and a minor character-focused Supernatural/Sarah Connor Chronicles, Requiem, that I still sort of love a lot.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

That Hunger Games fic has been swiped a few times. Weird.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, the Hunger Games fic — it exists somewhere on the internet in Dutch. And that one, the SPN/TSCC crossover, and an old Dexter fic, Dinner and a Show, have been podficed.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! An old friend and I once cowrote ~25k of our idea of fluff, which was basically hijinks, smut, and torturing our leading man with a boom box and Billy Joel.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

For ships that I’ve written… Hmm. I think, before I wrote to build a home, I would’ve said it was a tossup between Tarlos, Queliot, Chlollie, and Jules/Robin from Troubleshooters, but now there’s just no contest. Weewoo Husbands for the win. For ships in general, Tarlos still tops the list, alongside the ones I mentioned, the OT3 (Eliot/Hardison/Parker), Arthur/Eames, Phedre/Joscelin from the Kushiel’s Legacy books, Frank/Karen from the Netflix Marvelverse, Aidan/Sally from Being Human US, and my MCU crack cube of Steve/Nat/Bucky/Sam.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

God, this is such a throwback, but it’s probably Adagio in B-Flat, the Sherlock music porn murder mystery I half wrote and got hopelessly blocked on.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, I’d say, especially banter. And understanding characters, I guess? I’m good at making characters sound like themselves, whether they’re speaking or internalizing. And, I’m now proud to say, plot. That’s something I wouldn’t have dared to claim this time ten years ago.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oof. Brevity. I have completely lost the ability to write short (and, by extension, to the point). I’m also the slowest writer in the world, thanks to my tendency to edit every sentence within an inch of its life.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

My Lone Star mutuals are laughing right now. Clearly I hate it. 😊 I’ve written three fics that feature Spanish, two sort of significantly, and all my old Firefly fics have some Mandarin in there somewhere.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

OG Roswell. So much OG Roswell. Michael/Liz, specifically, with a side of Kyle/Isabel.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

It almost feels like cheating, since it’s my most recent fic (and the only one I’ve published so far in my current fandom), but I’m so stupidly proud of to build a home. Carlos is such a touchstone character for me that writing him was oddly therapeutic. And I think I’ve said this before, but writing the two of them together was like the evolution of the clarity I found writing Queliot, which was the first time I’d really explored a ship in fic where I loved both halves of the pairing even close to equally — it helped me unearth my Carlos and who he is in my heart, but it also helped me uncover the true depth of my love for TK.

No pressure tagging @orchidscript, @heartstringsduet, @never-blooms, @rmd-writes, @walkinginland, @paperstorm, @mixtapestar, @catanisspicy, and @alrightbuckaroo!

#fic meme #about meme

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lumiereandcogsworth · 10 months

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What are your headcanons for Belle and Adam’s engagement? How and where did he propose? :)

oooh yes yes !! i talked way too much so i’m putting it under the cut to spare people the scrolling lmao

so i’ve actually posted two (2) proposal fics since i’ve been on ao3 lol. the first one was maybe 3 years ago, and THIS one is already a year and a half old ! ah! anyway i think about their engagement every now and then and i melt into a puddle. i love how i wrote the more recent one though i think it’s quite fitting.

without spoiling too much, he proposes to her on the roof of the castle. he’s SO nervous and he still doesn’t feel completely worthy of her, but he just loves her so much he can’t bare ever being apart from her in life. he wants to be hers!!

i think the topic of marriage comes up Kind of early in their courtship. and i don’t think they courted for long. my vague timeline is:

June: the events of the movie, (which, i personally think the curse made them feel like they’d been together for weeks, a month or two even. even though it was 5 days in real time, it seems pretty clear that the curse skews time heavily. but that’s a post for another day.) and the curse lifting and them beginning a “proper” courtship !!!

July: courting, getting to know each other more and more and being SO cute. i think belle kind of splits her time between the village and the castle. she definitely Prefers being at the castle but she also doesn’t want to just abandon maurice completely. at one point she joins him on a week-long trip to an art market (at maurice’s request; i think he was sensing that adam & belle were nearing a point of marriage and he wanted some alone time with her before changes started to happen 🥺) but it’s good for the two love birds to have some time apart anyway! healthy, and all that. one of my favorites of my fics this year is set when she comes back from that trip though, it’s so so sweet.

August: I think adam proposes some time early august. maybe in the second week or so. he proposes with his mother’s ring (not her engagement ring, just a ring she wore often and loved). his birthday is the 26th and they’re already engaged by then, though it’s very new! and they probably used his birthday ball as a means of announcing/celebrating the engagement as well

September: they get married september 24th!! it’s all sunny and the trees are turning orange and it’s just beautiful. they get married in paris at notre dame cathedral. and from there they have a Very Long (like two months sjdksj) honeymoon traveling around europe. it’s mostly because adam just wanted to show his adventurous girl EVERYWHERE, so he went a little crazy planning this trip. BUT also it’s their introduction tour as the new king and queen of france. (they won’t be officially coronated until january, but once they’re married it’s like yeah they’re king and queen now. basically.)

anyway i got sidetracked lmao. my POINT was that i think the topic of marriage came up kind of early on, probably even by july. not so much like “I Want To Marry You” (though they both probably Thought that) but more like. the elephant in the room: adam is a prince, and heir to the french throne. and as soon as he finds a wife, he’ll be crowned king. as has been the law looming over him since his father died. HUGE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM !!!!

and some day i would love to write this conversation, i think about it every now and then. like, i think adam worries that the pressures and role that comes along with marrying him will scare belle off. and that’s not really true, though i do think belle Does take time to consider it. like. she’s been a small town farm girl with zero prospects her entire life. now she’s supposed to be queen of france????? quite the leap!!! they discuss it best they can, though it is a nerve wracking discussion because it kind of pops their romance bubble, so to speak. they’re not just a simple couple that can have a normal life. marrying adam is marrying the crown, and wearing it yourself.

i think adam is also very careful about how he approaches it, because in his heart of hearts, he KNOWS belle would make an incredible queen. her kindness and her brilliance, her determination and fearlessness, they’re all the perfect qualities for a leader. he is entirely uncertain about himself as king, (and he struggles with the role a lot at first after the coronation) but he knows belle would be an exceptional queen. when he tells her this, she scoffs and says her background has done nothing to prepare her. she’s not even properly educated. but adam assures her that she will have access to any university she wanted, if that’s what she needs to feel prepared, as well as any instructors and tutors and advisors at her disposal. he doesn’t care about her background, he knows what she is capable of when she sets her mind to it. (and this of course makes belle tear up).

anyway, belle of course comes around to the idea of becoming queen. i think adam even apologizes at one point, wishing they COULD just get married and be a normal couple. but belle tells him she’d marry him in any world, and if this one calls them to the throne, then so be it. (i think i have a fic about that too omg !! it’s very good. set after they’re engaged).

ANYWAY WOWZA ! i sure am rambling. did i even answer your question? i do not know. but i hope you enjoyed the infodump sjdks

#WOW I SAID SO MANY THINGS !#thank you for the ask i am sorry djdkdjd #truly thank you :’)#adelle #batb 2017 #batb headcanons

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frostmoths · 3 months

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Might regret posting this. cw alcohol, suicide ideation

Let me preface by saying I wrote this, and a much more emo version before, over the course of a week, and I’m feeling a little better now. It comes and goes. It's everything I’ve been handling since late May, and I want to open up about it.

I have extreme depression and recent happenings have tipped the scale to make me nearly non-functional. I started therapy and medication a year ago because of the world’s most passive-aggressive rejection. I’m way worse now. I’m on my third med and if what happened Sunday (I was very ill) was a side effect, I’m going to have to quit it too. I don’t believe in antidepressants as a cure-all and I’ve only been conceding because I’m tired of wanting to lay down and die. Not kms necessarily, just stop hurting. Though I’ve got like 10 bottles of various prescription insomnia meds which don’t do any good on their own, so maybe if I take them all at once

One weeknight in early June I tried to drink myself to passing out and forgetting what broke my heart. Instead I threw up and went to work the next day hung over. And it was an embarrassingly small amount to drink. Just that it was cheap and I had it on an empty stomach because I was too enraged to make dinner. I haven’t had alcohol since. I dumped out what was left.

My idiot father, who has dementia, has taken to dragging his guns around everywhere because he’s paranoid they’ll be stolen, and gets angry if he's confronted about it. I’ve alerted several authorities but unless my mother complies, nothing will be done. She won’t because she’s also insane. In May I had a full nervous breakdown expecting me or my cats to get murdered. It was probably the breaking point for my short-lived girlfriend dumping me two days later. Once again my shitty family has ruined any chance of happiness for me.

When I saw a pistol on his chairside table the other day, instead of blind panic, I felt nothing. I kind of hoped it was loaded and he’d do it, so everything would stop.

My new house is a shitshow and I got ripped off. I have approximately 6 hours a week to work on it and zero help so I’m still not moved in. At this point I hope to sell it after a couple of years of improvements (if I can afford them), get my money back, then maybe flee this godforsaken country and go live in the mountains in. Fucking Iceland. idk. My mother promised assistance for certain things and took it back because that’s what she does. I’m about ready to cut her out of my life.

I can barely eat without getting sick in one way or another. I no longer enjoy things like cooking, EDM, watching anime, and, worst of all, writing. Last month I started poking at [redacted]’s outline as a way to keep my head above water, only to realize it’s way more vague than I remember and that some parts make no damn sense. This is a thing I’ve been bragging about for 3 years as proof that I know what I’m doing, so I feel like a fool. I deleted everything I ever posted about it on my sideblog. I’m tempted to wipe what’s started off AO3. Tempted to delete the entire account tbh, too many memories which are too raw right now. I’m not a skilled writer and the pros (plural) were right to call me out on it last year. And this has been the one thing about myself I was confident in my entire life, that I was banking on making a career now that I finally, finally have my own house with peace and quiet, and now I can see I was fucking delusional. I give up.

My therapist says I have trauma and that I never healed from what happened in 2020 (not Covid-related). I can only see her every 5-6 weeks because she’s that booked. She said she argued with administration because she can't focus on her current patients but they keep throwing new ones at her. Kind of like my job. Everyone everywhere is overworked.

To cope I’ve been indulging in something that’s frowned upon — not a substance abuse thing, but an ethical thing? I guess? Among creatives. I don’t care because it helps me. My psych and my therapist both told me to seek supplemental therapy in between appointments. I think they had something more like b*tterh*lp in mind, but that’s a proven pyramid scheme so lol no thanks. Psychology books and imaginary friends it is.

My employer is closed today and tomorrow for the holiday, and I’m on vacation next week. Much-needed extended time off for me. If I don’t make headway on the house then I don’t know what. I didn’t want to spend my one week off a year moving in the middle of fucking summer during the worst heat on record. At one point I had much more pleasant plans but that’s no longer happening and I can’t think about it. I can’t, but I still do.

I wanted this house to be my success story. Having worked hard, she rescued herself, escaped her toxic family with her fur sons and flourished creatively, healthfully, and romantically. All was well. The reality is that I was likely conned as a first-time single homebuyer and I'm so mentally ill now that I may not be able to meet the demands of maintaining a 70 year old house with nonworking appliances I can't afford to replace, let alone my own well-being. How did I get myself into this.

There's one last-ditch effort I can make to pull myself through, but not properly until I move. It sounds like a lame excuse and it probably is, but whatever. Better later than never. However, I tried this last fall, went too hard too fast and burned out after 4 months. I threw a lot of money away doing it. I keep hearing push yourself, go intense, you'll never get there with baby steps but I also think you have to take baby steps if you're starting from zero because otherwise you'll burn out? I'm so tired of conflicting information everywhere. One tells me one thing, another says that's wrong. I can't trust anyone.

There are a couple of other things I’m looking forward to trying more than exercise. Which are probably less healthy for me. Who is going to stop me. hashtag yolo

I keep telling myself it won’t be this way forever. Just like summer. It comes around once a year, it feels like death, and then there’s relief. But it’ll happen again and again. Just like summer. You have to adapt.

I'm glad pride month is over. I don't know what I'm supposed to be so proud of.

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pebblysand · 3 months

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[LET'S TALK WRITING] - FANFICTION STATS - UPDATE

Hello, hello! I hope you’re all doing well.

As you may have seen, I recently (by which I mean, months ago lol, time flies) received this anon as part of a truth or dare tag game daring me to share my AO3 stats.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you might remember that I already posted a detailed analysis of my fanfiction stats back in January 2023 (which you can read in full here). However, I thought this anon would be a great opportunity to revisit that post, review my stats again over 18 months later, and see what has changed.

General disclaimer: All the disclaimers from my original post still apply (I’m not an expert, avoid this if stats aren’t your thing, I’m very fortunate, my methodology isn’t perfect, etc.). I won’t be repeating much of the previous analysis but will focus on the changes over the past 18 months. I recommend reading both posts together for the full picture.

GENERAL OVERVIEW

As of the day of writing, 29 June 2024, here are my general stats as they are made available to me by AO3. I am including the same screenshot dated 25 January 2023 (from my old post) for comparison.

So, what can we see?

I wrote 183,191 words in 18 months, which is terrifying. Per Nano standards, that’s three novels and a bit.

Last year, I’d commented on my subscriber count being relatively “low” - that’s still the case. I think the reasons I speculated about last year remain valid, and I still find the smaller number somewhat reassuring.

I’ve gained a pretty sizeable chunk everywhere, so thank you all, haha, that’s thanks to you.

As of the day of writing, 25 January 2022, here are my general stats as they are made available to me by FFN. I am including the same screenshot dated 25 January 2023 (from my old post) for comparison.

As most of you know, I don’t really use FFN much anymore, so it's not surprising that the numbers there are quite low. The only thing I still update on FFN is castles, which still gets some readership.

There's a historical difference between my FFN and AO3 catalogues. When I transitioned to AO3 in 2013/2014, I only moved content I deemed "worth" transferring. So, there's work on FFN that isn't on AO3. Similarly, I now post all my one-shots exclusively on AO3. This explains some of the discrepancies you'll see later between the two platforms.

Interestingly, my AO3 word count has finally surpassed my FFN word count, and this is even before posting chapter 22 of castles on FFN (ugh, this is on my to-do list for this week, I swear). So, yay! I’m officially more of an AO3 girlie.

GETTING THE FFN STATS OUT OF THE WAY

I think we can all agree that AO3 has now surpassed FFN as a website (though I do have issues with AO3, I won’t lie), so I will focus most of this post on AO3 stats and beyond. However, I will say that as a platform, FFN provides authors with much better statistics than AO3 does. That is because they’ve fallen into a capitalist hellscape and probably sell all of our data to advertisers but … you know. As such, while I don’t want to spend too much time on these, I still think there are a few things we can learn.

I will go into my top fics on FFN v. top fics on AO3 and why I think they differ in a later section. But at this point, I’d like to focus on two things:

The Country Breakdown:

To me, this remains the most interesting feature on FFN, that you don’t get on AO3. Unfortunately, it only gives you this information on a monthly basis (you can’t aggregate the top countries of all time), so the below includes last year's screenshot (January 2023) and this year's (June 2024). Both were taken at the end of the month, so I reckon they're relatively representative.

(views are blue, visitors are yellow. for an explanation on the difference between views and visitors, see here. this is cumulative of all fics i have published, but ffn gives you the ability to break it down per fic if you’d like)

Thoughts: The first thing that stands out to me is that my overall view count on FFN has plummeted over the past 18 months. Initially, I thought this might be due to a general decline in FFN's usage, but when I look back at my February 2024 stats, they match what I saw in January 2023. This suggests the decline is more likely due to my not posting castles for four months, rather than anything else.

All the other conclusions I drew in my old post still hold true.

Interestingly, the top five countries for my readership almost perfectly align with our top countries for the podcast. This correlation makes me think AO3 stats (if available) would show a similar pattern. It raises the question of which drives which: are the podcast stats like this because of my fanfic audience demographics, or is my audience shaped by the podcast's reach? Or, is it that just generally, English speaking countries are more likely to consume English-language media and/or be in fandom? It's an intriguing chicken-and-egg scenario.

The Chapter by Chapter Breakdown:

i am selecting here January 2023 and March 2024. March is the last month where I posted on FFN, so it's more interesting to study that one.

Let me know if you spot anything else in these screenshots, but here’s what stands out to me:

The numbers are generally eerily similar

Drop-off after Chapter 3: There seems to be a more noticeable drop-off in readership after Chapter 3 compared to previous data. This makes sense because that’s when Hinny break up, so hardcore shippers might rage-quit at that point. However, after Chapter 3, the decline isn’t as steep, indicating that if people stick around past that point, they’re generally committed for the full ride.

Uptick in Latest Chapters: In both cases, there’s an increase in readership for the latest chapters. This could be due to FFN update notifications, which have been unreliable. It’s possible that people are finally receiving emails and catching up on the last 2-3 chapters they missed. But this is just a hypothesis.

MOVING ON TO AO3

Unlike last year, I’m going to stick to HP here, because I don’t think anyone cares about my stats in other fandoms, but please let me know if you’d like a detailed breakdown of that as well. Also, I'll just repeat that this acknowledgement still stands.

I think the only thing really notable here is that in 18 months, almost everything on castles has more or less doubled, if not more. I'll write more about that below, but I don't necessarily think this means my audience has doubled.

Regarding the kudos/hits extension, I wrote this last year:

My hits/kudos ratio was a lot worse on non-HP fandoms, which is still the case. When it comes to the second point, this also seems to still be the case, with a couple of things to note:

the rare firing of wild cannons is still an outlier. I think for the same reasons exposed above.

ce ne sont que des cailloux has "finally" come down to that 8-11% range all my other one shots seem to be in. I'm not sure how to explain it. As you'll see below, it hasn't gained/lost that much more traffic/kudos this year compared to previous ones, so I really don't know.

As I'd predicted, louisville is now also in that range.

vicious as roman rule has seen a dramatic drop. I wonder if this is because it was posted at the end of 2022, so relatively close to my first post, and was the thus artificially high? I think this is a fic that is very linked to castles (although it can be read as a standalone) and it's also a bit unusual (written in future tense) so maybe that's why people don't "like" it? we only said goodbye with words seems to be the only other fic in that range, and that one is also very linked to castles. It could be the result of people clicking in, realising they haven't read the wider story and don't understand much, and clicking out.

Regarding "secret" bookmarks:

Bookmarks on AO3 are a way to "save" fics on your profile. People use this feature in various ways:

Tracking Reads: Some use bookmarks to track all the fics they’ve read.

Recommendation Lists: Others use bookmarks to build recommendation lists with varying levels of detail. For example, some treat bookmarks like Goodreads reviews, adding comments such as "2/5 fic, do not recommend," while others might simply tag the fics or note why they liked them.

Additionally, AO3 allows users to "secretly" bookmark fics. These private bookmarks are only visible to the user who created them and do not appear on their public bookmark list. I personally use private bookmarks as a TBR list for fics I plan to read but am not ready to recommend yet.

As an author, you can see the total count of both private and public bookmarks (though you can’t read/know who left the private ones). This is why, for instance, my public bookmark count on castles is 279, while the combined private and public count is 417.

From my observations, about 40% of all bookmarks on fics are private. This holds true even for castles. I know that for long works, lots of people assume that the "secret" bookmarks are people bookmarking "TBR when finished" but the numbers seem to suggest otherwise. Castles does not have a disproportionately high number of private bookmarks compared to my other fics. It seems that private bookmarks are in fact just generally used as TBRs (long works or not) or by people who prefer to leave more "honest" personal reviews without the author seeing them, which is perfectly fair.

MY TOP FICS, AND WHAT THEY CAN TEACH US

Top 5 FFN (by favourites):

This is last year’s screenshot. For this year, you’re going to have to take my word for it because the filter no longer works (thanks ffnet lol).

As of 29 June 2024, the top includes the same fics, but in a different order: (1) Castles, (2) Cannonballs, (3) Slipped, (4) The Things That Will Likes, (5) Before.

It's interesting to me that slipped has come up two places and I've only had one extra review for it in the past 18 months.

Top 5 AO3 (by kudos):

Interestingly, no changes in the top 5 between January 2023 and now, bar from the fact that the gap between castles has widened.

Thoughts: I was re-reading my thoughts from last year, I’m just going to copy and paste here because everything more or less tracks.

Slipped is now on par on both sites but I think everything else tracks.

A couple things to note:

Interestingly, while it has a similar number of hits (21.5k on AO3 and 20.4k on FFN), castles does a lot better on AO3 than on FFN (...)

In the past 18 months, the difference between hits on AO3 and FFN has widened. I’m now close to 50,000 hits on AO3, but am only at 33,000 views on FFN. I do think this shows an overall decline in usage of FFN as a platform.

However, I did find out something recently, that is sort of worth noting. I’m not sure what you make of it but if you search for: Harry/Ginny, canon compliant, post-war fics excluding fluff (if you’ve read castles, this selection will make sense), castles is the 4th most kudo-ed fic in the list. If you search for all of these, minus the Hinny pairing, it is on the second page (so’s the wolf’s just a puppy). That is including finished, and unfinished works, which is wild.

Castles is now respectively 3rd and 15th in these searches (so on the first page for both), which is even wilder to me. On the second search, I’m on the same page as a fic by senlinyu!! lmao.

I'm not addressing anything else I said aside from the fact that as I'm now approaching 50,000 hits, those numbers are even more mental.

NOW, ONTO THE HOMEMADE GOOGLE SHEET

(for more details on how it is created, see here - scroll down to the same section. having said that, do note that this is all based on kudos. i do not get notifications for bookmarks, subs, etc. so that would be much more difficult to track. thus, for the purposes of these graphs, i'm only relying on kudos to know if my fics are doing "well" or not. i, of course, get a lot of joy from comments and they are what i most cherish, but my email notifications are turned off on those, for reasons that i can explain if you are curious (if so, just send me an ask). as such, i can't track them as easily. also i’m more interested in the content of my comments than in their number. kudos are a good general indicator, though very imperfect.)

AVAILABLE GRAPHS AND THOUGHTS

1. CONSISTENTLY, CASTLES ACCOUNTS FOR ABOUT A THIRD OF HOW PEOPLE FIND ME

[the methodology is explained in more detail in the original post but for the purposes of this: "new" readers means all total kudos left that year, minus guest kudos and "repeat" kudos (i.e. people who have already kudoed at least one of my other fics in the past)]

This is so interesting given it’s the opposite conclusion from the one I’d drawn in 2023 (see here). It turns out that 2022 was an outlier. Having said that, I do think it’s interesting to note that since January 2023, I’ve not posted any major other fics that were not castles. I’ve posted some smaller one shots but generally speaking, my last major one-shot was probably louisville. so, this may be why castles is still accounting for this many first kudos. It will be interesting to see what these graphs look like next year, when I’m no longer posting new chapters.

2. DO PEOPLE REALLY FIND YOU OFF THE FRONT PAGE?

That was the conclusion I’d drawn last year, but looking at 2023, I’m now not too sure. For the record, I posted castles in May, July, October and November. I also posted smaller one shots in January, July and August. The assumption there is that if people find you off the front page, then you should get an influx of new reader kudos when you post.

It's evident that the months I posted new content had higher engagement than the months I didn’t. However, the spike in November is particularly striking. The only explanation I can find is that I posted chapter 19 of castles in November (a.k.a the 9/11/"barn" chapter). This chapter had the highest engagement by far, possibly tied with chapter 22 based on my current inbox feedback, but we'll see how that pans out.

The way I'm interpreting this is that in the wake of 19 being so well-received, people who had been reading castles silently for a while finally left kudos for the first time, counting as "new" readers, even though they technically weren't. So, maybe, the new conclusion to draw here is that angst serves me? I know that fluff does better in the Hinny fandom overall but my readers probably follow me for the angst and so when a particularly angsty chapter comes out, they’re more excited about it and kudo more? Again, I’m just guessing.

3. FICS STABILISE AFTER THE FIRST YEAR

It's fascinating to observe this trend over the span of four years. Looking at my flagship one-shots like slipped, the wolf, the fault, watch and lousville, a recurring pattern emerges: each initially garners a significant portion of kudos in its first year (typically 12% or more), then stabilises to 7-10% in subsequent years. I'm particularly curious to see if castles will follow a similar trajectory after it's completed.

[total number of kudos per fic, all kudos included]

Also, building on last year's third observation (“bad fics don’t do well, regardless of how shippy or fluffy they are”), I think what’s interesting to me here is that the opposite is true: fics like louisville (Harry/OC) and the fault (Deamus) which have very unpopular ships still do extremely well on their own and seem to attract readers. This is however not a phenomenon you see with my oldest non-hinny fic ce ne sont que des cailloux (Bill/Fleur). The way I explain this is two-fold:

I think the French title might hurt ce ne sont que des cailloux. Maybe casual readers think it’s in French?

ce ne sont que des cailloux is the first non-hinny fic I posted, and it was also posted in January 2021, at a time where my readership was very limited compared to now. This goes to my earlier point about readership. Now that I have one, I reckon that if I re-posted ce ne sont que des cailloux, it would get a lot more kudos from my followers. At the time, I was relatively new in fandom, and thus no one read that fic. It never ended on rec lists, etc., and to this day, is still hindered by this initial slower start.

Having said that, generally speaking, I still think the fics that are doing the best are my best ones. I think audiences are (generally) right (at least on my level). There are definitely fics where I don't really understand why they're doing so well. I talk about watch below. spring rolls is another one that I find a bit meh and where I'm not sure why it's holding 8% of the pie. But there aren't any fics where I'm majorly like "ugh, I wish this was getting more attention." Apart from ce ne sont que des cailloux, maybe.

4. DO LONG FICS REALLY ATTRACT A LOT OF GUESTS?

That was my conclusion based on 2022 numbers, showing a massive discrepancy between the number of guests+repeat kudos and the number of new kudos in castles. However, this seems to be another case of 2022 being an outlier. If you look at the figures for 2023, that is no longer the case.

However, I do think it’s interesting that the fault in faulty manufacturing still seems to be a fic that brings me a lot of new readers, compared to the total of kudos it brings me. All the other fics seem somewhat similar, bar from the fault that has a two point difference. I wonder if this is because part of the drive for this fic is the slash end of the fandom which may find me from this particular fic because it’s my only slash one?

5. DOES SHIP MATTER?

I think the one conclusion I’m drawing, looking at these pie charts year on year, is that yes, ship matters… to a point. I think when you look at one-shots like slipped and the wolf (and, to an extent, watch), as well as castles, they have undeniably greatly contributed to my relative popularity. Lots of people found me because they ship Hinny, and I write Hinny, simple as that. And following, I also think that if wrote an even more popular ship (say: Dramione or Drarry), my kudo counts would certainly be higher.

Having said that, the reason I’m saying it only matters to a point is that what I’m seeing with more recent non-Hinny work (the fault and louisville) is that these get read regardless. Why? Humbly, because I think people like my writing and are willing to branch out of their favourite ship to read my other works. The more pre-existing readership you have, the less the ship you’re writing matters. If someone like senlinyu or MissKingBean69 were to write Bill/Fleur, with the pre-built audience they already have, I would venture that would become the most popular Bill/Fleur fic in fandom in no time.

Lastly, I think one interesting thing I’m noticing for 2024 is that for the first time ever, the wolf (which has been my flagship Hinny one-shot since it was first posted) is doing “worse” than slipped and other non-Hinny one-shots. I find this very interesting given that the wolf was such a driver for so long. I wonder if this is because the fic has generally reached everyone it was meant to reach and is now plateau-ing, or if it’s something else? I’m interested to see what this is going to look like for the rest of 2024.

LASTLY, SOME NEW GRAPHS

GENERAL GROWTH

These graph tracks my general kudo growth, all fics included, between January 2021 and May 2024. The second one is aggregate.

As you can see on the first graph, you can pretty much track when I posted and when I didn’t, following the line up and down. My three biggest peaks were: May/June 2021 (which I already addressed here), August 2023 and November 2023.

August 2023 is a mystery to me. I didn’t post castles. The only thing I did post was spring rolls, which is a tiny 800-word fic that I genuinely don’t think should be this popular lol. Is it simply because over the summer, people have more time to read?

November 2023, was chapter 19 of castles, which, again, did incredibly well. It interestingly doesn’t even compare to the peak I got in February 2024 where I posted two chapters of castles, and still didn’t get anywhere close. So, again, angst drives my readership.

What I think is interesting on the second graph is that we’re pretty much in a straight line here. Caveating that this starts at zero because that’s when I started tracking, it’s not actually when I started posting so I had pre-existing kudos. But yeah, it took me 16 months to hit my first 1,000 kudos, then 14 months to hit 2,000+ and presumably another 12/13 months to hit 3,000.

CASTLES GROWTH

Interestingly, per this graph, the growth of castles is also steady overall. It’s not as steady as the general one but I typically tend to hit 200 kudos every 10/11 months. I will say that if you look closely, you’ll notice that in the last year (May 2023 to May 2024), the growth is a little bit steeper at times, but did flatten towards the end (Feb to June 2024 - when I didn’t post) which means that generally, we’re only at +266 kudos. That’s still more than 200, but not that much more.

I think what’s interesting is that this doesn’t seem to track with my overall, anecdotal impression of my readership, which I feel has been constant in terms of numbers since 2021, if not declining a little. I generally feel I’m getting less interactions with readers since, I would say, the summer of 2022. So I think what this shows isn’t that my readership is growing, it’s that it’s perpetually replacing itself. My sense is that people will typically read up to the most recent chapter, stay involved with the fic for maybe six months to a year, then drop off, and be replaced by new readers. I don’t think this is bad, I think it’s the natural laws of fandom. I also think there was an abnormal spike in engagement around the pandemic where people had nothing to do but go online and read fic. As a writer, it can be hard not to attribute people dropping off to your own failings (my writing quality has decreased, my chapters are too long - whatever it may be), when in fact, the turnover is generally pretty consistent.

When comparing the lines of overall kudos, I think this confirms that generally speaking, castles is the main driver of my kudo influx.

Bar a few exceptions, the two track. It’s clearly not the only driver because there is a pretty sizeable difference between line levels, but it is the main one. This is especially clear since October 2023, which is a period of time in which I’ve not been posting anything else.

OTHER TOP 5 FIC GROWTH

Regarding the wolf (above), this confirms what I was saying previously: this fic is currently flatlining hard. It took me: two months to hit 100 kudos, seven months to hit 200, eight months to hit 300, and thirteen months to hit 400. I’m not upset by it, I feel like this fic has done its time and it’s probably past its prime (lol) but that’s interesting. It used to be so popular and my main driver of kudos aside from castles, and it’s definitely not anymore.

In terms of the other fics, you're going to have to believe my word because tumblr is preventing me from adding more screenshots to this post (sigh) but the trend is the same, though the flatlining is less pronounced.

When it comes to slipped, like the wolf, it also seems to be growing slower since the end of 2022, albeit less dramatically. It took five months to hit 100 kudos, twelve months to hit 200, and eighteen months to hit 300. I’ve always thought the difference in popularity between slipped and the wolf (which were more or less posted at the same time) was down to the wolf being posted as part of a fest, which wasn’t the case for slipped. But it could also be that the wolf is just a better written fic (in my opinion, at least). The fault follows a similar trend, on a different scale. It took me six months to get 100 kudos, then eighteen months to get to 200.

Interestingly, watch, however, seems to have had a steady-ish growth since its six months anniversary. The flatlining is less pronounced than for the others. I’m honestly not sure why. It’s a fic that I never in a million years expected to be in the top five, I was very surprised it did well at all. I like the style of it but it’s very much what in the TV-show fanfic realm we’d call an “episode tag”, meaning a short fic that explores a scene from a different angle/POV. I don’t think it really brings anything new to canon, and I don’t think it’s particularly novel. I’d be curious to see if it stays in the top five in the long run to be honest.

When comparing the lines of overall kudos to each of the individual fics (again, trust my word), they don't seem to correlate as much as castles does. Bar from watch, they all caused a spike at the time of publication, but then each have tiny odd peaks that don't reflect in the overall graph. They also don't really have other big peaks, just sort of hover between 5 and 15 kudos/month throughout. I would assume that whilst the numbers may be different, this is probably the same trend you see in most finished long fics.

CONCLUSION

I can't believe you got to the end of this. Please let me know if you found it interesting/have questions!

#fic stuff #fanfiction stats

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writingmoth · 4 months

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finger painting and creative for either

Finger Painting: share a small snippet from your earliest work (or the earliest that you can get back to). How would you rewrite it today? Either share the rewrite itself or just describe how you'd do it.

god 😭i can't share my oldest work because it's in portuguese (and i may have lost it... currently looking for it, but welp, i can't find it) but my first work in english was a wip nicknamed #aroaceprincess (i used to post about it mostly on twitter) and later titled Queen of Hearts. i wrote like, two drafts for it, then shelved it bc i just couldn't bear to look at it anymore. here's a snippet from its third chapter:

He snorts. “What about the office jobs isn’t easy?” “…But you shouldn’t blame yourself or to feel ashamed for something that is out of your control,” she finishes as if he has not said anything. He can’t blame her; he is being an asshole and they all know it. “We will help you. We are your friends. And your team.” I don’t want any help, he almost snarls, but he bites back the words and looks away from them. He has been waiting, wary, for them to leave, to give up on him, since what had happened six months ago. Maybe he has tried to push them away too, just a little, when things are just too much and he can’t deal with them in a way that doesn’t involve being completely and utterly alone. But they haven’t left, not even when Isabel did. But the small voice in his head shrieks in frustration and shame, and Rafael is far too gone to not listen to it. “I won’t need any help. You three, though, will.” He jabs a finger at Fernando’s chest, but the bastard doesn’t even blink, you are not fooling me written all over his stupid face. “I’d appoint you as the new scout leader since I let the old one die screaming, but I’m giving my post as the leader of the squadron to Anabel. If you behave she will choose you. Probably. Also, Anabel, congratulations.” They watch him in silence. Emília’s shoulders slump. “Rafael,” she says softly. “Don’t be like this.”

this was written in 2017, i think? it's from the second draft because the first draft has disappeared into the ether at this point. i don't think there is anything inherently wrong about it, but it doesn't fit my style much anymore. or at least the style i'm aiming for lol. rafael is far too aware of his own thought process here and that wasn't intentional. i just wanted the reader to know something about him, so i straight up told the reader about it 🤷 if i tried writing it today, i'd try to make all of his feelings more obvious in the narrative itself instead of pausing everything to have him think about what he is feeling, if that makes sense? i'm a big fan of letting the readers reach their own conclusions about how a character thinks by molding the writing in a way that makes it more clear (main reason i tend to dislike first person - it feels too self aware).

Creative!: free space! share something you've been dying to share about your writing! Could be an OC that never gets the limelight, a moment you were proud of, or anything else you'd like to share

it's so hard to choose one thing. but.... vespertine!!!!!!!

this is a sketch i made of them back in 2020 so its not accurate but vespertine is my most recent obsession in the world of antisnowwhite and fantasy romance wip. they have godzilla energy. think force of nature. very silent until they are not. they are blind (most recent iteration quite literally has no eyes (anymore) but i'm not sure if it will stay that way) and very, VERY angry.

who knows when i will get to write them tho 😭 i can imagine them showing up halfway through the antisnowwhite series but since i have no clue of how long antisnowwhite is going to be that doesn't help much. they live in my head rent free though.

i will mention them in fantasy romance wip, but not by name so it probably won't be obvious who they are. i'm excited to get to write that at least.

thank you so much for the ask!!

#vespertine and valerian are probably my faves out of antisnowwhite #both very VERY angry but behaving in wildly different ways #bc vespertine is old as dirt and valerian has the emotional intelligence of a 15 year old #stalecabbage #ask games

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joulethieves · 1 year

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You still doing the BalVaan number game? If so, 69.

send me a number 1-100 and i will post an excerpt from my tumblr drafts of mostly balvaan WIPs

hello friend! ty for the follow and nice to meet you! and ty even more for the ask :) for #69 you get some virginity loss...this was probably written in 2018, i should get back into it. i miss writing these two fucking, ugh. they're so magnetic, their chemistry is beyond beyond (i also wrote...so much more after this, i just should finish this huh)

“If I may interrupt,” Balthier murmurs against Vaan’s lips, the press of his thumb teasing Vaan’s chin as he tilts him away slightly, “There is one rule to this little experiment.” When Vaan just blinks at him dumbly, Balthier continues with one inarguable condition: “If at any point you wish to stop, you will say so, and I will.” He punctuates it with a tilt of his head, eyes locked onto Vaan’s.

His response is yet another bruising kiss, and when Vaan parts he merely grins. “I’m not gonna change my mind,” he says, and Balthier is distantly aware that Vaan’s hands are still stuttering along his torso in a growing curiosity. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

“Most who have gotten this far with me don’t,” Balthier muses with a tilt of his head, “but it doesn’t hurt to clarify.” He tucks a strand of hair behind Vaan’s ear before teasing the lobe softly with his finger. “Especially considering you are the type to throw yourself into something without knowing the risks.”

“Risks?” Vaan asks, settling against Balthier’s torso. It is oddly fitting the way his body contours to Balthier, and oddly unsettling how comfortable it feels. The pirate rests his hand on the small of Vaan’s back, to tease the elastic waistband of his night-slacks.

Vaan props himself over Balthier with his elbows on either side, head tilted.

“You can’t take this sort of thing back, you know,” Balthier hints with a knowing raise of his brow. He remembers his first time with a man; he was no older than Vaan, enamored and dreadfully curious of a senior at the Akademy. Likely the fop is but a senator now, seated with his (rather fine) ass in a cushy chair among noblemen, but it had been a good lay nonetheless. And although he wouldn’t take it back, he can’t exactly walk away in good faith from this while knowing Vaan would have any sense of regret.

It is no mystery the Dalmascan is madly starry-eyed for him; he’s known it since the moment Fran said “sky pirate” in the damned sewers months ago. But that does not mean he can go around swiping virginities here and there. That’s not the kind of thief he is.

But he won’t say no if such a lovely thing is offered. It is perhaps the Archadian in him, ever-lingering, that desires explicit clarification before such an investment is made.

“Is that it?” He rolls his eyes, a familiar gesture for such an unfamiliar position. “I wasn’t born yesterday. I know what I want.”

“Then say it,” Balthier cuts through Vaan’s argument like a blade to grass. He’s not the type to beat around the bush, no pun intended, and Vaan’s lithe body writhing against his is slowly starting to fray his wherewithal for negotiating. “I want to hear you say it.”

It wasn’t meant to make Vaan shudder but he does, and Balthier feels Vaan’s hands curl around his shoulders. The little thief looks into his eyes and says, ever-indignantly, “Fine. I to have sex. With you.” And then the little chit dares to add, “And now.”

At this, Balthier’s lips curl into a grin, half-gentle and half-wicked. “Very well,” the pirate purrs, tracing lazy, idle circles on Vaan’s lower back with insouciant arcs of his wrist. The motion stops, however, when he dips his hand beneath the fabric there, to playfully squeeze the Dalmascan’s rear. “Then I suppose you can start by undressing me.”

With some reluctance, Vaan peels himself away from Balthier to slide down the length of the bed until he’s straddling either side of the pirate’s legs. He had thought earlier to perhaps remove his leathers in anticipation for Vaan’s visit, but thought it might be more fun to see the thief try and wrest him out of it first.

Balthier watches Vaan’s eyes - they scan the expanse of the leather, the tightness hugging his thighs, and most importantly the bulge beneath it. His hardness from their earlier kissing has but faded, though the leather still strains against the suggestion of it: he’d happily return to that state if Vaan would simply earn it.

If it were Balthier, he would take his time; he would slide his hands up Vaan’s thighs, nuzzle the hardness there, lap at the leather with his tongue before unzipping his clothes with his very teeth. But where Balthier is a man of patience, Vaan is anything but. Thus, it doesn’t surprise Balthier when Vaan’s hands go right to the snaps of his pants, his eager hands working the buttons with a slight fumble.

“How d’you get these off?” Vaan mutters aloud, brow quirked. “I feel like I need a Lente’s Tear just to get in them.”

Balthier chuckles and hooks a finger through one of the belt loops before lifting his hips. “Watch and learn, if you care to do this again. I won’t be so patient next time.” But he says it good naturedly, and with a roll of his hips and a rustle of fabric, the trousers are tossed to the floor and Vaan hardly seems to give a damn about the predicament any longer.

The Dalmascan’s curiosity has stirred Balthier’s interest, and he lies back on the pillows, one leg bent and off to the side in a lazy lounge. He watches Vaan watch him, and can’t deny it makes him hard: to be stared at with such an open hunger, by such a comely little face.

“Well?” Balthier goads, slipping his thumb beneath the waistband of his undergarments, just as form-fitting as anything else he owns. “You don’t expect me to do all the work around here, do you?”

Vaan swallows dryly and moves to pull off the remaining fabric keeping him from in between Balthier’s legs. That, at least, he’s capable of, and he slides them down slowly - and doesn’t even finish the damn job, leaving them half on his thighs before his hands grab something different altogether.

Cheeky little brat. But Balthier merely watches, content to be an audience for now, doted upon by the honest journey of Vaan’s hands learning his body. With short, slow strokes, Vaan’s hand moves along his flesh, coaxing it to a hardness. He watches Vaan switch from a stroke to a breathy skim, more experimental than deliberately teasing, as the pads of his fingers trace the ridge of Balthier’s cockhead, down the length of his shaft and up again. It’s kind of nice. Vaan surveys the length of him once, twice more, before again learning his girth with a gentle grip.

Balthier relaxes further into the pillows against the headboard and enjoys this rare moment of privacy. Aside from the sound of Vaan’s hands on him, only that of the distant skystone hum permeates the Strahl as they dock idly over some patch of land in Tchita.

Vaan learns the feel of Balthier and Balthier, in turn, learns the feel of Vaan. His touch is firm but the movement itself feels stiff, and so when it gets boring after a moment, Balthier shifts.

“Curl your hand on the upstroke,” he instructs, and Vaan glances up at him, as though he forgot Balthier was there, before nodding.

“Okay,” Vaan responds, as though Balthier were telling him instead how to steer the yoke on crosswinds over the Naldoan, and by the gods he somehow listens, and so Balthier rewards him with a small hum from the back of his throat. A few more strokes, and then, it seems, Vaan grows bored as well. Balthier on one hand is perfectly content to be stroked by a nubile desert boy for a while longer but it doesn’t surprise him; at seventeen he imagines Vaan has done enough of that ilk and he came here to learn, not to rehearse.

“Can I--?” Vaan asks, shifting. Balthier tries to ignore the flutter of anticipation. It’s been ages since he’s had any action and the thought of a mouth on his cock is exhilirating despite Vaan’s inexperience. In fact that sounds exactly like his idea of fun.

“You may,” Balthier nods. He’s never granted permission to have his cock sucked before and it makes him all the more hard. “Just watch your teeth, if you would.”

“Duh.”

Distant magicite-light casts a soft glow across the room, painting them both in an aura of amber, and the light catches Vaan’s lips as he parts them to take Balthier in his mouth, slow and deliberate.

#balthier #vaan #ffxii #balvaan #final fantasy xii #balthierxvaan #my writing

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andithiel · 2 years

Text

2022 in fic

Thank you so much for the tag @mystickitten42 (you can read her answers here (which may or may not made me want to read all of them)) to post a line from each fic that I posted last year. Sadly, I didn't post as much as I would've liked. I've struggled with a major writer's block, as well as having a lot of things happening in real life. But I tried to remember my fandom wishes that I posted a year ago, and one of them was to be kind to myself, which I got to practice a lot.

Sweet Desire (Scorbus, 5,8k, Explicit. I tried to capture that feeling of new teenage love and trying out new things together)

Yes, yes, cheating by posting several lines as well as a break between them, but 1: I've only posted a few things this year so I think I can gush a bit about this one, and 2: this was the part that made me really want to finish writing this and posting it.

Here’s the thing about me: I’m not good-looking. Nor am I sexy. People assume that I am, I’ve seen the disappointment on their faces enough times to know that. It’s probably because I look so much like Dad, who is super famous, and good looks should come with that, right? [---] But here’s the thing about Scorpius: the way he looks at me, the way he touches me, it’s—it makes me feel sexy. Desirable, even.

(I'll cheat some more and include this line from Scorpius which I had so much fun crafting because i HC him as being very rambly and very into things, even in the middle of sex:)

Scorpius clambers to sit up again, eyes bright and twinkling. “Oh, good! I’ve been looking up techniques and different ways to do it, which, I’m sorry to say, hasn’t been easy. I mean these things aren’t really in any of our library books, which I honestly think is a shame because there should be at least something about having safe sex, but Alexis Fluke lent me a—well, to be honest, it was a rather graphic book, and it had—”

Sinking/Floating (Drarry, just shy of 1k, Teen and Up, sad Harry coping with the aftermaths of the war, inspired by this gorgeous art by @bluebutter-art)

My favourite line is really the last one but shhhh this is also a fave:

And it’s not perfect, not always: you still both have your scars and your trauma, and sometimes you still fight, screaming at the top of your lungs when the pressure is just too much. But however broken you and him are, somehow the ragged edges of the two of you fit together into something whole, something better.

Third Time's the Charm (Drarry, 693 words, Teen and Up. Cinderella AU I wrote for Drarropoly)

“If you don’t tell my mother about how I refused to dance even a single dance with anyone else at the festival, I won’t tell her about your disposition for adventure.”

I also did a few prompts for flufftober, but they're really too short to be able to choose a single line from, so I'll break the rules and choose my favourite drabble, which is the microfic for the prompt Truth or Dare:

“What’s the last lie you told?” Draco looks into guarded green eyes, helpless. “No,” he finally grinds out. Playing Truth or Dare with Veritaserum was a stupid idea to agree to. “What?” Granger says, but Harry’s already in front of him, so close their lips are touching. “I knew it.”

I've been in and out of tumblr for the last months or so, and I have no idea who's done this (and also, is it maybe a bit late?), but on the off chance that someone wants to do this, I'll go ahead and tag @sassy-sassy3 @drarryruinedme7 @crazybutgood @julcheninred @evaeleanor @fictional @mags0607 @rei382

#2022 fic wrap up #if you can call it a wrap up with this meager outcome #drarry #scorbus #andithielwrites #not extensively but she still writes

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bellamysgriffin · 2 years

Note

Requesting one simple fluffy love confession for Bellarke please?

i have no excuse for this taking as long as it did or being as long as it is but here it is! tbh the fluffiest love confession i wrote for them is probably in my fic take this sinking boat and point it home, so this in turn, turned into more of a rumination on what love means to them. the love confession itself is post 6.10 <3

reminder: i am currently accepting blarke fic requests! i mainly write canon, but am open to AUs, i also mostly write angst with a happy ending. other than that, feel free to request whatever you desire <3

read on ao3

If you ask Bellamy when he first began to love Clarke, he wouldn’t know how to begin to answer the question. But if you ask him when he knew he loved her, well, that would be easy. It started so long ago. Six years, give or take a century, a lifetime, or perhaps, just one, long moment.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It starts like this: a flash of blonde slips into his periphery, and before he has time to react, arms are around his neck and hair is in his mouth and his brain is saying how? and thank god and I thought you were dead and I was going crazy without you and the words I love you float up among it all and he’s so stunned by the truth of those words that he doesn’t even think about saying them out loud.

He does think about it later, though. Bellamy has never been in love, he realizes, as he watches her sleep, the fire flickering over her face. He’s not quite sure what to do about it. He could tell her. He could do that, it’s an option. But Clarke doesn’t love him. She loves Spacewalker, even if she won’t admit it. And does she really need to know? He doesn’t want anything from her. He doesn’t need anything to change. It’s just there now, this love, closing around his heart like a fist, and that’s all.

So, in this way, Bellamy becomes well-trained in the art of holding his tongue.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

He thinks about saying it before he leaves for the mountain. But she looks at her hands like she can still see Finn’s blood on them and the Commander’s at her side like a shadow and in the end he just tells her to be safe.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

When the fire from the explosion almost swallows him whole, his only thought is whether or not his charred and burning body could crawl to the radio in time to hear her voice one last time, to tell her –

And then he survives, and the thought evaporates, floating away above his head like smoke.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

If there was ever a moment Bellamy might have told Clarke the truth, it was after the mountain had fallen. He had thought she didn’t love him, but now he’s not so sure.

And then she says she’s leaving and the words wither and die inside of him like leaves in the winter. He could say, “I love you, don’t go,” but the words would be a weapon to use against her. It would be the same as holding a gun to her head and ordering her through the gates.

And he can’t do that. And he won’t do that. He won’t let his love be cruel, because it’s better than that, it’s worth more than that. After all they’ve been through, it has to be.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

I’ll tell her when she comes back, he decides two nights later. Only she never does come back.

And then there’s Gina and Lexa and ALIE and just when they think they’ve saved the day, everything’s over and how can he tell her now?

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

So it changes. I’ll tell her if the world doesn’t end. Then, I’ll tell her if we make it to the ring.

But the world does end. And she doesn’t make it to the ring.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

The words I love you weigh on his tongue like stones in the pocket of a body in the water. There is no one left to hear his confession, but he makes it anyway. A month after her death (a concept he still can’t wrap his head around, Clarke and dead, Clarke and gone, Clarke and never coming back), he stands by the window and says, “I love you,” in a whisper. He looks at the Earth as it burns and says, “Clarke.” Again, “Clarke. I love you. I have always, always –”

And then he stops. Because he has to.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke doesn’t think about telling Bellamy she loves him until the world has ended. No, she dreams about it instead.

I love you, she says, and he’s bleeding out in her arms.

I love you, she says, and there’s a knife in her hand and in his gut.

Sometimes it’s I love you, she says, and he holds her as she’s dying and Clarke likes those dreams better.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

She knows she loves Bellamy when she sends him to the mountain. Clarke has never been a superstitious person. But her decision not to tell him is like a protective charm, a forcefield, a blanket of safety she wraps around his shoulders like a child being put to bed.

Or rather, to tell him would be to place a curse upon his head because

I love you – and her father’s body floats in space forever because

I love you – and Finn’s body slumped against a pole, her saliva still wetting his lips

I love you – and who knows what will happen to Bellamy now? If she doesn’t say it, if he never knows, then maybe it’s not really goodbye.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

She falls in love again with the very woman who took her first love, with the very woman who sent death and destruction Clarke’s way before she ever knew horror, before she ever knew blood. She falls in love with a woman so fierce and powerful and magnetic, so broken and solemn, with caverns inside of her stretching deeper than Clarke could ever hope of seeing.

Her love for Bellamy does not fade. It’s lodged under her heart like a rock. It is a safe place for it to be.

She does not tell Lexa she loves her. Not until the end, anyway, when she knows that she will never see her again.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

And then the world is ending, and every time her heart wants to tell him, she is chastened by a brain that reminds her of Lexa Dad Finn Wells Lexa Dad Finn Wells Lexa Dad Finn Wells – over and over, a never-ending loop. People she loved. People she lost.

And no, she won’t tell him. She won’t tell him because every time they part ways, she wonders if the world might end before she sees him again, and by not telling him, somewhere she is convinced that she is ensuring them just a little bit more time, the guarantee of one more moment, one more touch, one more look even if it’s only a look.

It’s not until the death wave is roaring above their heads that she tries to tell him but of course, he doesn’t want to hear it. Because he knows what it means.

“I just want to say…”

(I love you.)

(I’m in love with you.)

(I have always been in love with you.)

But the ring hovers over their heads like a dream, and if she doesn’t say it, then maybe she can get there.

“Hurry.”

She doesn’t say it.

And she doesn’t get there either.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

“Bellamy,” Clarke says into the radio, a month after the death wave, when the lack of food and water are getting to her and her brain is swimming through a warm fog, “if you can hear me…” She trails off. “Bellamy. I love you.”

She’s not afraid to say it anymore. Because it’s not goodbye if he’s already gone.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Bellamy had promised himself that if they survived the end of the world, he would tell her how he felt. And they did survive, both of them. By some miracle, she endured the fire and came out the other side, as beautiful as the day he left her to burn.

But Bellamy breaks his promise.

Because there is Echo. And she is real. She is not Clarke, but she is not nothing. She is family, in the truest sense of the world. If the Bellamy who stood by the window and whispered the truth to a version of Clarke that could never hear him was here now, holding her on the bed of a prison ship, six years after the end of the world, he would be whispering the words into her ears, over and over, for as long as she would let him. But that Bellamy is not here.

He loves Clarke, or he loves the memory of Clarke, or he loves what Clarke used to be, or he’s learning to love what this Clarke is, or however you want to say it. He feels the fist around his heart, weakened, but still gripping tightly.

But make no mistake. What he has with Echo is different and quieter and softer and weaker. But it is absolutely love.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

In the end, of course, it’s no match for Clarke. It never was. It could survive a love affair with a dead girl, but here? Now? On Earth? His love for Clarke grips tighter and tighter around his heart, leaving no room for anyone else, until finally, Bellamy is convinced (as he kneels, hands bound, on the floor of the fighting pits) that his heart has been ground to nothing but dust.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

And then he sees her again. And Madi tells him about the radio. And there it is, ever-so-slightly, as if waking up from a long and dormant sleep, the sound of his heart as it beats.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Does Clarke think about telling Bellamy? Of course she does. And then he kisses Echo in the sunshine and he kisses Echo in the firelight and he kisses Echo in front of her and when she’s not looking she knows that he’s holding her and he buries his face into her hair as if he never wants to emerge and Clarke thinks that maybe everything would have been fine if she never had to see what she wanted being given so freely to someone else.

Does Clarke think about telling Bellamy she loves him? Why tell him something he so clearly doesn’t want to hear?

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

In the end, she forfeits all rights to those words. To those words, and to everything else. In war, we all have to choose a side. It’s the first time since they set foot on the ground that she hasn’t chosen his.

(It doesn’t matter that she changed her mind. Not to Raven, not to Murphy, not to Echo, and not to anyone else.)

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

The ground was a fresh start. Maybe this can be too, Clarke thinks. And the way Bellamy smiles at her, the way he laughs, even jokes. “A little pathetic, maybe,” he says, “but not crazy.” It feels like having him back. She finally feels it. What she dreamed of all those six years. She finally feels like he’s home.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Bellamy knows those six years are never coming back. But he looks at Clarke smiling in the Sanctum sunshine. Bruises in the shape of his fingers still ring around her neck. His left knee aches from the knife she stabbed it with.

And yet, none of that seems to matter. And that’s how Bellamy knows that maybe, just maybe, he might be ready to tell her.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke hasn’t been so happy in longer than she can remember. So she’s not surprised when the rug is pulled out from under her again. The blue dress that she hoped Bellamy would like her in brushes against her ankles but she can’t even feel it. Instead, Russell Lightbourne’s face looms in front of her. The last thing she thinks before it all goes dark, as selfish and cruel as it is, is that she hopes that when Bellamy finds out, he’s devastated. She hopes that, in spite of all she’s done, in spite of her betrayals, he still loves her enough to mourn her.

And then she thinks of nothing, nothing, nothing…

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Of course, he’s not just devastated. He’s furious. His blood is made of fire, and his eyes have gone dark. When the rope is around Russell’s throat, it feels easy, too easy, like the years and the promises of doing better and making peace have fallen away and turned to ashes. He is again the boy who walked into a mountain filled with death and decay simply because Clarke asked him to. He is again the boy who dressed up like a grounder and walked among enemies who would gladly have had his head on a suicide mission to keep her safe.

He would do anything for her. Anything. He only lets go because he thinks that she would want him to.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

He thought that moment was the worst it could get, the moment where he looked into her eyes and saw someone else looking back. But it’s not. Because when her heart stops beating and her breath lies frozen in her chest, it’s worse than Praimfaya, and it’s worse than Josephine, because it is in front of him, it is fact, and there is no room for hope or confusion, or maybe-she-isn’ts, or maybe-I’m-wrongs, there is only the gaping, yawning mouth of grief growing wider and wider inside of him.

He kept waiting, all these years, for the right time to tell her, but maybe it’s not about him. He saves her in the end, because of course he does, he has to. But she could have died without knowing he loved her, and a person deserves to know that someone loved them. A person deserves to know that they were loved.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

(Of course, she does know. She’s known for a long time. Just as he knows too.)

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Josephine is gone, nothing but an empty chip and a pile of dead code. But the battle is not over, and Clarke is about to head back into the heart of it. And despite everything in him crying out against him, Bellamy knows he has to let her go. They stand outside Gabriel’s tent. He will stay here, and she will go to Sanctum. They will both do their part. Bellamy swallows, and it gets caught in his throat. “I already brought you back to life once this week. I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it again.” If he was trying to sound casual with this half-hearted joke, he failed abysmally, but Clarke doesn’t care.

“You stay safe, too.”

Gabriel is standing thirty feet away, and she turns to go to him, but Bellamy grabs her hand. “Wait, Clarke…” He doesn’t know how to say it except to say it. “I love you.” It’s strange that it should be so easy after all these years. But it was not telling her that was the hard part. Telling her now may be the easiest thing Bellamy has ever done.

And Clarke wants to say it back. She opens her mouth with the words on her lips, but then she hears, “If something happens to me.” She hears, “I was just gonna say.” She hears, “If I don’t see you again.” And she can’t bear saying goodbye.

So, instead, she says, “After this is over, we’ll get out of Sanctum and build that compound.”

She’s worried about breaking his heart, but Bellamy knows her, he knows her better than anyone ever has, and he knows what she’s saying. “We’ll build houses,” he whispers.

She nods. “One for us. You, me, and Madi.”

He smiles, then. One that strikes Clarke straight to her heart. “We’ll have chickens in the backyard,” he says, though he knows it’s impractical and improbable and in all likelihood impossible. But when he says it, he believes it.

“A garden that would make Monty proud,” she whispers, thinking of the berries she tasted after Praimfaya, wishing he could taste them too.

“We’ll have windows made of real glass and everything,” he says, and though he has no idea how glass is made, he can see them there, shielded from the elements outside. Safe. Happy.

“And we’ll be together,” Clarke says, meaning it in every sense of the word.

“Together.” An echo, but it’s not just an echo of her voice just now. It’s an echo of her voice then, of all the times she’s said it and all the times he’s said it back. It’s a promise. One that this time he intends to keep.

Clarke looks over her shoulder at Gabriel. He’s letting them have their moment, but she can see in his face that it’s time. “I have to go,” she says.

Bellamy closes his eyes. He believes in that dream, but he knows it’s fragile too. Just the day before she was dead in his arms. It could happen again. That’s the thing. Bellamy and Clarke know that it could always happen again. “I know,” he whispers. “Just…”

Clarke takes his hand. “I know.” As she drops it, she fully intends on leaving. On never looking back. But Clarke knows what it’s like to live a life full of regrets. She will always live with them, always. They will always haunt her dreams. But this one doesn’t have to. Before she gets the chance to change her mind, she grabs Bellamy’s shirt in both her fists and pulls him to her, kissing him deeply, fervently. His lips taste of salt and his beard is rough against her cheek. For a moment, he is surprised and then his arms are wrapped around her, and he’s kissing her back, and Clarke knows that even when she pulls away, this moment will last forever. That she will always be here, somewhere in her heart, kissing Bellamy under the Sanctum moon, with a promise of the future still fresh on her lips.

She pulls away and turns before either of them have the time to say anything. He watches her go until she disappears into the forest, with hope tending more towards faith, that he’ll see her again.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

(Clarke waits until the battle is over to tell Bellamy she loves him too.)

#bellarke fanfiction #bellarkeedit #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #bellarke #dana's fics

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