#i’m making myself sad ignore me

[mrsdulac]

not entirely sure how it works but I’ll go ahead and headcanon that Frey and Susurrus are intertwined at the soul now. So what happens to Frey happens to him. So if she dies he goes with her.

[fakeoutbf]

five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety

[spacemancharisma]

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[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

[animalsandskyyy]

hi! there’s a completely unnecessary and dramatic ramble below. read if you so please

or just ignore me lmao

you were warned lol-

so the only words people ever really use to describe me are things like, “nice”, “kind”, or “considerate”

which is very kind of them and that’s how I want to act and be seen as…. but not if that’s the only noticeable or discernible thing about me.

am I really that boring and forgettable? or is being kind and considerate of others and their feelings just that hard to find?

I don’t know. but it’s made me feel absolutely terrified to break this image i’ve somehow accidentally built for myself.

It legitimately seems like if I say “no” to someone or say something that gets misunderstood or taken the wrong way, that then no one will like me ever again because apparently all anyone sees me as is “nice”

and if i’m not nice….. then i’m just nothing I guess

[stargirlrchive]

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[hauntxd]

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[fleshdyke]

ahsgsjaugejwjg

[astral-catastrophe]

Damn it

[deityofhearts]

today’s mood is just “it is what it is” but in a sad way

[fingertipsmp3]

I will never have friends like the friends I had in secondary school ever again. And in some ways this is a good thing

[mymelodyisme]

Im hungry !

[floral-hex]

real depressing, probably delete when I’m not miserable and about to fall asleep

Ummm how do trigger warnings work here… tw: substance abuse. Alcohol. Uhhhhmmm just general sad times.

I’ve been thinking a lot about drinking again. Not that I was ever an alcoholic, but… maybe I was a little. I get a little loose with anything that makes me feel good. Long story short, apropos of nothing, I got drunk one New Year’s Eve a couple years back. It was nice. Then I kept getting drunk once or twice or thrice every week for a year before I decided it wasn’t worth it any more. Stopped being as effective, made me gain a bunch of weight, and was just all around a pricey habit. So… I mean, why would I think about doing that to myself again?

Life fucking sucks. A lot. My mom is slowly dying, some days worse than others. I’m so drained and exhausted and I hate this. She’s been in the hospital for about a week now, her second extended hospital stay in two months. I don’t know how to cope with this. I’m taking care of my brothers right now and it’s just so much. Cleaning, shopping, making sure they eat, taking care of them, the animals, everything, driving to see my mom who’s almost an hour away. I’m emotionally exhausted and I feel so alone and scared and to add on to that my hearing started to get muffled today and I’m worried another wave of intermittent hearing loss is coming on. It makes me feel so closed off. I’m trapped. I feel trapped and suffocating and scared and my mom is dying and I’m so alone and don’t know what to do and I just want something that will, even temporarily, take some of that away. I used my last klonopin today and it didn’t do much of anything for me. I just want to get so fucked up out of my mind that I can’t worry about anything. I’m barely sleeping. I’m so tired. I just want to be held. I want someone to hold me and tell me it will all be okay, even if it won’t. I just want someone to lie to me and comfort me for a little while. I’m so scared. I don’t know how to do this. I can do this because I have to. I don’t know how, though. I’m just flinging myself forward, or the world is pushing me forward, I can’t tell the difference right now. I hate saying all of this. I feel so needy. I know I’m allowed to be needy. My therapist gets on to me for always qualifying what I’m saying or down playing or ignoring my feelings, but I feel like such a burden when I complain. I don’t want to be selfish. I’ll suffer in silence all day, I don’t want to add more stress to everyone else. I have to be a rock. I have to be steadfast. I don’t know where to put it down. I don’t know where to rest myself. There is no where. There is nothing. My ears are full of droning noise and I’m in this dark room and I feel so cut off from the world. Like I’m in a small dark box and outside the box I know my life is falling apart but I just can’t quite make out what’s happening. I can’t see but shadows through dark glass. I want to stop feeling like this.

So I’ve been thinking about alcohol. and weed. and whining on some dating app about wanting to make out. I took a vistaril earlier, too, but it really didn’t do anything for me. It’s not an anxiety attack, it’s… it’s the void. and sadness. and stress. and loneliness. It’s too heavy. It’s too much.

I just need to sleep. What a loser.

[yoohyeon]

I may have to take a lil hiatus right now 😔

[aylinaliens]

if i were to just rewatch my fluffy comfort dramas when i’m sad instead of my angsty comfort dramas i would honestly be in a way better headspace

[mehnomae]

is it weird that whenever something in my environment makes me upset or memories make me anxious, that my emotional energy defaults into focusing on a made up scenario/reality that i invented to help me during a really difficult time in my life? is that just a normal coping mechanism? id ask my therapist but she closed her practice and forgot to give me a referral so