#i’m normal now and going to bed
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i have no coherent or appropriate thoughts about the way his voice sounds
#i sound fucking demented when i hear him#screaming my throat raw#like can he shut up? please#i might delete this later but like oh my god i just needed to share with someone anyone#like he’s such a fucking nerd and then he sounds like That. i wanna strangle him#Anyway.#i’m normal now and going to bed#(lie)#rindou <3#venus talks
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soft🥹
#this is LOOSELY based on a photo of the only fictional couple I’m not normal about#(scully and mulder)#bc I had to make my new obsession just like them😇😇#hope you all have a good rest of your day I am going to bed now!!!#I am EXHAUSTED I woke up at 3am😭😭😭😭😭#my dreams are often like lucid dreams and I can control most of them#but also they’re like SO VIVID I can eat sleep feel everythinf etc etc#anyways last night I dreamt I was a detective a la Morgan freeman in se7en#going after a serial killer#IT WAS SO SCARY I WOKE UP LIKE😳😳#I’ve been awake since then & I genuinely don’t even know where it came from bc like#I haven’t watched horror movies in forever I abandoned true crime years ago…#my brain was just😃#also it’s funny I did this x files drawinf today#because I started watching that show when I was TWO#my mom figured if I watched scary things from a young age I would never be scared of anything#idk what she was thinking bahahahahahahahaah (it did not work)#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart#sebastian sallow x mc
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I can’t take anything serious with this show
#yes I had to draw / include Charlie in the maid outfit 💀 dunno I maybe! draw Charlie in the maid outfit 👀#idk if anyone’s interested in it but whatever I guess 🫡#IM NORMAL OKAY SO UH SHUSH!#I’m going to bed now I’m hella sleepy and tired shut! ❗️#charlie dompler#pim pimling#smiling friends#smiling friends fanart#smiling friends pim#smiling friends charlie#fanart#procreate#procreate art#✨art tag✨
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Having such normal thoughts about codebreakers rn. The way they always rise/drop to meet the other’s energy in all their interactions. Their stick fights, calling out “strafing strafing strafing well played the crit you’re cracked you’re cracked—” The way they both self-deprecate (typically through humor) but always hype each other up. “You’re the goat, you’re the goat.” “You got this, king, I believe in you.” Philza hardcore veteran and Etoiles longtime pvper both seeing the beauty of death in the ways it gives the Now meaning; how death is what makes life so much more vibrant. Two wanderers who would happily spend the rest of their days out exploring the world all on their own but stay where they are simply to be near and protect the ones they love. The yin-yang of warrior-survivalist (“I didn’t kill it” vs “But you lived”) but being shield brothers and understanding each other all the same. The ‘CODEBREAKER’ axe that brought them together and gave them their name. Yeah. Them.
#im having a normal one tonight boys#rattling them around in my head. hurggghh.#codebreakers#qsmp philza#qsmp etoiles#dont mind me im just rambling#there’s probably definitely more but I’m too sleepy to put that into words. i go bed now.#just needed to get this out of my brain
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This was initially a doodle but then just accidentally turned into a new ref sheet ig even tho the guy didn’t really need a new one oh well shrugs I love him everyone look at aau shady sunburnt Ahit right now ok?
#a!au#ahit au#shady sunburnt ahit#Will never not be upset he doesn’t have popular cut character status despite being RIGHT THERE IN THE MANOR W THE OTHER GUYS.#Sorry I’m normal I like him a lots ok peace and love forever?#I love both his designs so so so much#Fun fact his (redacted specie name) design is meant to vaguely look like a skull! :3#no reason lore wise I just thought the goat skull imagery trope is neat lol#Anyway I’m going to bed now it’s 2am. how did I get here.#Shady sunburnt
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my tolerance for ppl is getting concerningly low
#like I was with my orents for half of yesterday and today I slept for 13h and I still am so drained of energy idk how I’m gonna get anything#done (and it’s 16:30 now & I just woke up so like idk what’s going on)#parents*#and again gonna be with them this saturday#and like istg like yeah they mean well to try to get me put of my apartment & out to socialize even if it’s just with them#but I don’t think they realize I mean it when I say these things take like at least 2 days out of me#like it’s not a ’’heh introvert-[my name] is taking the next day chill and recovering from being social’’#like nah I’m here in my bed and I’m not getting up even tho I have no food left or anything like I feel empty&draines and if anybody#tried to talk to me I think I physically could not speak#sure is not normal & ik it could be a ’’skill issue’’ like just go out to socialize more and u’ll get out of it#but dude like I did that my freshman year and where did it leave me? an empty shell who then spiralled ghosted everyone and did nothing for#a year so like can’t do that again#(no one ask me how I plan the get a job: last time I had one was the time I developped this ed so like mentally it doesn’t go great (but yea#still will have to so got that to look forward to yay))#anyways I’m glad I don’t habe friends I’d be cooked if I did bc too many ppl#this too should stay as a draft but alas send post
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bruh
#system of a down#daron malakian#shavo odadjian#john dolmayan#serj tankian#I fucking love this#I didn’t post this on Reddit though#he’s giving ozzy vibes#I feel like he did his time in the spotlight and can now enjoy just being normal?#like out of the spotlight?#not to get too deep about a joke but#like we were never really told how bad his social anxiety is#as far as I’m aware#but I bet it’s a relief to just be at home#this is coming from someone who cried in a store at 14? because I lost sight of my mom and got overwhelmed#that’s just general mental illness though#anyway#I tested positive for not going to bed on time#again#dreading the email I know that’s awaiting me tomorrow lmao
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just started reading fic can’t get into fic cus procrastination decided to read fic a lil before bed got 0 hours of sleep because I stayed up all night reading fic am now speadrunning fic before it consumes my life and before I pull two more consecutive all nighters which will kill me cus fun fact if u go without sleeping for 3 days you die
Ninjago brainrot is destroying my life if u couldn’t tell
#complaning with lili#ninjago#For some reason I’m more energized now then when I normally wake up#So apparently staying in your bed after you wake up is more detrimental then 0 hours of sleep ok#The fic is shogun: becoming btw go check it out#my hubris#lego ninjago#fanfic#fanfiction
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“Was wah wah wahhh why don’t the rest of you mind your own business and let America’s shitty laws just be, they don’t affect you, do they?”
“They don’t affect you, do they?”
*not IDed, but the Wikipedia page in question is linked
#The way the US becomes EVERYONE’s problem#US law#US politics#global politics#I need to stop hypochondriac-ing at 2 am; I am now sitting in bed and freaking out about asbestos at 2 am#Canada banned it in the 1970s and I am freaking the fuck out about it bc I live in an old house#It shouldn’t be a problem right??? Surely how much ever of a dump it is it shouldn’t be 50+ years old old??#They’ve renovated since right?? I only moved in like yesterday… and now I am imagining chest pains#No! No. There is no asbestos in my house. I have normal cement and brick or whatever the fuck walls. No asbestos. I’m going to bed.#Good. Night.
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.
#think I need to delete TikTok#been on the bad side and been getting pro life debaters on my fyp#finally decided to go up and say something cause I was getting so annoyed and upset#OH BOY that was a bad decision#never ever doing that again#and this is why I can’t go out and be around normal people#I can’t even talk to a stranger online#I’m literally shaking and bawling right now#it’s 5:43am and I meant to go to bed like 3 hours ago#wanted to post on TikTok and see if I could get any $$ cause I’m desperate#but nah that ain’t gonna happen cause people suck and I hate everyone and anything I make would be shit#and I can’t do anything right#basically I was trying to explain that mental health comes into play too… that abortion isn’t just black and white#I should have known before I even tried that first of all he’s a male and he wasn’t listening to anyone talk#I just have so many things I want to say but no one to say them#and it was a smaller live so I was like why not and fuck that fuck that fuck that nope#too mentally ill for that 🙃#gonna try and go to bed and calm down my heart#sorry I haven’t been posting or on much…. been struggling more than words could ever express#php helped and I felt a glimmer of hope for a day and a half and ever since it’s just been a downward nonstop spiral#love you all and hope you guys are doing okay 🫶#just needed to vent lol and since I have no friends y’all get to hear it 👌#shut up rosie
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sometimesSoMETIMES i catch a a glimpse of a life i could lead that is so beautiful and vibrant and lovely it’s THERE just beyond my grasp AAAAAAAHHHHHHH
#everything!!! in my life!!! is telling me i could be someone greater!! i’m not exaggerating!!#every conversation i have every time i self reflect every time i read something really cool whether it be an academic article or a blog pos#is pointing me in this direction!!#i’m scared!! i’m terrified of everything!! what if i make it what if i don’t!!#what if i’m not good enough what if i fail!! what if i am good enough and i’ve been wasting my life!!!!!!#<- average 19 year old experience i think#has anyone seen the short film webtoon made of a comic contest winner a few years ago The Ladder#look around you!!! do you see anything else!!!!!! THE LADDER IS ALL THERE IS!!!!!!#yiu ever spend a whole evening talking to artists who are achieving their dreams and go holy shiiiiiit#does some fire within you awaken every time you so much as read about art#it is not impossible to live in a well!!!!!! but what if the fuckin g rope breaks!!!!!#everyone in my life would support me!!! it’s all right there!!! IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYY#im scared of being seen! of peoples judgment! of failure! RRRRAAAAGHHHHH#ok i’m gonna be normal and go to bed sleep style now
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thank god for ibuprofen. where would we be as a society without ibuprofen.
#(<- on their period)#had a full breakdown this morning over Intense Pain#but had an ibuprofen like forty five minutes ago and pain is starting to fade so now i’m normal again#which is nice#thank u#still. will not be moving out of my bed today tho. if i can help it.#thank god i don’t have class on a wednesday either#if i had to go to class together i think i would still being breaking down rn
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👻
#ashiya douman#fgo#it was supposed to be a doodle and then I just kinda spiraled as usual#now my ass is awake at 3 am#REGARDLESS#love me some tearing ur heart out of ur chest#it’s the demon heart ascension items ofc Douman isn’t exactly human nor servant nor shadow nor beast#but u know what douman is?? my friend that’s right#I’m not making sense I’m going to bed#what was my art tag again uhhh oh ya]mine#mine#there yay#aaaaaa uhmmmm I guesssss the vibe for thissss isssss#he’s offering u his heart in a normal way ya]#also at 3 am#do u accept his offer he said I offer u my heart and then recreates a mortal kombat fatality or ‘/…. ummm maybe it’s like……#THEYR3 BEING FRI3NDLY#they also rly enjoy ur company yayaya#everyone say hi douman 👋 ✨
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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It’s 5 in the morning I should be asleep but I’m trying to decide which editions of stormlight archive to get
#I have been aggressively bitching about trade paperbacks for a long time#particularly in the last few days because the one I’m reading is AWKWARD#normally I am a b size bitch#but they split them into halves and I don’t want that#so I was like well mass market it is#but there’s illustrations in them#which I would like to be able to see properly#so do I want the hardcovers??#not for 65 fucking dollars a book I don’t Jesus Christ#and they will also be awkward and heavy to actually read#in a perfect world I would be able to buy b size with the tor cover art with nothing split into parts#or at least be able to go to a bookshop and flick through the mass market and see if the illustrations are small and tucked into the spine#but no one has them physically#it’s not even like I’m getting them now I was always gonna wait until book five so this is dumb and I should go to bed#if you have the mass markets tho lemme know about the illustrations lmao#stormlight archive#brandon sanderson
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grabs my computer screen and starts shaking it how to cure gender dysphoria HOW TO CURE GENDER DYSPHORIA
#kidding theres no way to fix it when it’s like this#everything i’d normally do to alleviate it makes it worse when it’s this bad#because it’s like wow look at you trying so embarrassingly hard to not look disgusting and failing miserably#i had to cancel my plans yesterday and today because girl i can’t go outside when i feel like this i can’t even get out of bed#looking at myself makes me want to VOMIT why do i look like this#i look back on old pictures of myself and try to work out what was different back then so i can replicate it#but people say i look exactly the same in those photos as i do now#and i remember taking those old photos and feeling ugly and dysphoric back then too#if i lean back into my more cis look i’ll get gendered correctly again which i want#but i don’t like playing cis man it’s not who i am and it makes me feel weird and gross#i just hate what i look like no matter what i do to my appearance#every single part of my physical self makes me feel really ill and anxious and bad and guilty#there’s not a single bit of me i can stand to look at when i feel like this#i feel like everyone who has ever seen me thinks i’m disgusting and ugly and horrible to look at#and i want to like hide forever but i can’t#it’s so hard to function like this#i hate everything about me so much#someone affirm my stupid dumb ass gender right fucking now i’m going to die
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