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kylermalloy · 4 years

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Set in the boyking!Klaus AU

He is losing Elijah.

Mikael watches his sons lounge under a tree side by side. They hold hands. Niklaus plays with Elijah’s fingers, running his hand over them one by one.

After some time, Niklaus guides the same hand to rest on his thigh, where he continues to stroke Elijah’s fingers.

It’s the expression on Elijah’s face—slightly unfocused, enraptured, breathless. Ecstatic.

From a simple touch.

That is what convinces him.

He needs to tear Elijah from Niklaus. The devil child has sunk his claws into Mikael’s second son, and he must do something about it.

Esther is perplexed when he informs her of his plans. A hunting trip? Now? We have enough meat for another moon.

Finn and Elijah, he hedges. They’re growing up. They need more experience.

Esther shrugs.

Elijah responds with quiet acceptance, as he usually does. That is, until he is informed that Niklaus will not be coming along.

He bites his lip, winding one arm around Niklaus, who clings to him like a lifeline.

How many days? he asks.

As many as it takes, Mikael says. His gaze is on Niklaus, whose lip has begun to quiver. His bright blue eyes widen, filling with tears that begin to flow and do not stop.

Elijah places a consoling hand on Niklaus’s golden hair, his own expression despondent.

As long as it takes to shake that blight from your mind, Mikael adds silently.

Elijah reluctantly prepares to depart, gathering weapons and provisions and a fur pelt for the cold nights. All the while Niklaus trails after him, tears spilling down his cheeks as he pleads with Elijah to stay.

Mikael waits impatiently with Finn by the large oak while Elijah kneels before Niklaus, thumbing the tears from his cheeks and speaking quietly to him. Brushing the hair from his face. Gripping his arms assuredly. Enveloping him in an embrace, kissing his forehead.

Niklaus places one hand on Elijah’s face, thumb stroking his cheek. Elijah spasms. His eyes close.

In the brief moment that Elijah is not looking, Niklaus turns his head and looks directly at Mikael. Through his tears, there is a fury in his face that no boy of eleven years should carry.

The hair on the back of Mikael’s neck prickles, as though sensing a predator—or an attacker.

Then the moment is over. Elijah stands, slinging his bow over his shoulder. He walks away from Niklaus, toward Mikael and Finn, who straightens from his crouch and remarks, Finally.

No one else has seen. As always, Mikael is left alone in his knowledge.

Elijah’s face pinches with emotion as he nears Mikael. Niklaus watches him go, face shining with tears. Standing alone, shoulders slumped and face smudged, he looks almost as helpless as he should.

Almost.

As they leave the village, Niklaus follows them to the edge. He clings to a tree at the border, staring after them tearfully.

Elijah glances back until Niklaus falls from sight.

Mikael breathes a little easier.

Esther watches her sons say their goodbyes. Both are pained by the separation, but Niklaus appears inconsolable. Tears spill from his big blue eyes like they haven’t since he was an infant.

She follows him to the edge of the village, ready to console him as Elijah, Finn, and Mikael disappear into the trees.

But as soon as they are gone, something changes.

When Niklaus turns around, his face is calm and composed. He passes a hand over his cheeks, wiping away the tears—which have stopped flowing almost alarmingly fast.

His brow is smooth, his eyes clear. His lips press into a thin line.

Niklaus? Are you all right?

He meets her eyes coolly. I will be, Mother.

Mikael takes them far.

Finn and Elijah follow unquestioningly, deeper and deeper into unknown woods. They do not stop—not for the deer Finn sees in the distance, not for the burrow of rabbits that could be trapped.

Elijah continues to look back from time to time. Looking, searching for the cursed child he left behind.

Mikael watches him closely, waiting for the spell to break. How far must he travel? How many days must they spend apart, before Elijah is whole again?

Niklaus seems adrift without Elijah.

Esther watches him wander the village aimlessly. His fingers flutter empty at his side. He sighs often, long loud breaths meant to catch others’ attention, for them to ask him his troubles.

Esther did wonder if Mikael’s impromptu trip was another of his attempts to separate Elijah from Niklaus.

Although her secret is safe from Mikael, her husband still harbors an intense grudge against Niklaus.

Her sweet, golden boy. Her secret joy.

He becomes petulant and cross without his brother to temper him.

Rebekah tries to console him. She follows him all day, placing a hand on his shoulder, speaking softly to him. More than once he pushes her away, but she will not be deterred.

—That is, until she comes home in tears, cradling her arm, after Niklaus pushed her down a knoll.

You ought to know better, Esther chides him as she binds Rebekah’s wrist. You’re a strong, growing boy. You must know to stop before you hurt someone. Especially your sister.

He shrugs.

They make camp after walking all day. Elijah eats little. While Finn sleeps soundly, Elijah tosses and turns on his pallet.

Sleep evades Mikael. The woods are peaceful tonight, but he cannot shake Niklaus’s expression from his mind.

Niklaus haunts him day and night.

He enters the camp, having followed them undetected since they left home. He kneels over Elijah’s sleeping form, inhales his hair.

You can’t save him from me, he hisses in Mikael’s ear. Mikael is paralyzed, unable to reach for his weapons.

He’s mine. He will always be mine.

Mikael wakes with a strangled gasp.

The family next door wonders where their dog has gone.

Rebekah stays inside, playing with Henrik. She moves her injured wrist gingerly.

Niklaus returns from the woods, announcing he has found a beehive full of honey.

His hair, hands, and sleeves are inexplicably damp. He must have fallen in the stream, Esther reasons. Wouldn’t be the first time.

She recruits him and Kol to collect the honey.

The bees have all gone from the hive when they arrive, leaving a bounty of honey for them. She reminds her sons not to sample too much as they harvest it. Niklaus in particular savors the taste, licking golden drops off his fingers.

We must save some for Lijah, he declares. When he returns.

Of course, Esther reassures him. There will be plenty for him, and Finn. And Father.

Niklaus smiles his bright, honey-sweet smile. Not Father. Father can’t enjoy sweet things. He’s too bitter.

The snares prove plentiful. Finn and Elijah return from their scouting with four squirrels and a rabbit.

They lunch on two of the squirrels. Finn finishes Elijah’s portion when he declares he is not hungry.

Elijah is quiet for most of the day. He reaches out to empty air often, reaching on instinct for someone who is not there. He stares into the distance when Finn mentions home, or their family. (He knows better than to mention Niklaus by name, though.)

If it is not distance from Niklaus that will break the spell, then it must take time. Mikael vows to keep Elijah away for as long as it takes.

Niklaus has always been Esther’s special child. She has watched him carefully, gifted him an enchanted necklace to temper the bloodlust he would inherit from his father.

He hums with an energy different to his siblings. Different to Freya and Kol, her children gifted with magic. Different to Ansel and his brethren, whose blood runs a curse through their veins.

Perhaps the mix of magic and the curse created something new in him. (Something Mikael must never know about.)

Ever since Mikael has taken Finn and Elijah away, that difference has become more pronounced.

The hum in his blood is louder, a thrumming in Esther’s ears. When she catches him sitting still, he nearly vibrates with restless energy.

Niklaus, are you all right?

His head tilts to one side, golden hair falling in his eyes. I will be.

Four days in. Elijah seems tired. He has continued to eat little—a few bites of meat or dried fruit each day. Despite his fatigue, he still tosses and turns in the night, unable to sleep peacefully.

They fell a deer. Finn suggests they bring it home, but stops when he sees Mikael’s expression. He has no intent of returning home until he’s satisfied that Elijah is free.

Ayana complains of her birds going missing. She and Esther combine their magic to perform a spell to locate them—to no avail. It’s as if they’ve disappeared from the face of the earth.

Niklaus volunteers to wash his own things in the stream. She lets him, grateful for the help.

They are running low on supplies. Finn observes—rightfully—that the game will spoil if not dried soon.

Mikael sends him back to the village with their kills. He stays with Elijah, who has begun to skip meals altogether.

Niklaus runs to greet Finn excitedly, before realizing Elijah is not with him. Esther places a comforting hand on his shoulder. He’ll be back soon. In a day or two. You’ll see.

Later that day, Rebekah comes to tell her Henrik is crying at home and won’t stop.

What happened? she asks.

Rebekah shrugs. I left him with Nik. When I came back, he was in floods.

Henrik is a master of words by now. He speaks all day long, for the most part using words everyone can understand.

But none of Esther’s coaxing convinces him to tell her what upset him so badly.

Father, I don’t feel well. Elijah is pale. He hunches over on his pallet, after yet another sleepless night.

You should eat something, Finn scoffs. It’s been two days.

Elijah wrinkles his nose. He chews on a piece of dried meat, tossing it into the leaves unfinished after half a day.

He doesn’t sleep again that night.

Nor does Mikael. Niklaus glides into their camp again, eyes and skin shining like the wood alves from the old world.

He lays one hand on Elijah’s forehead. You thought he could escape me? You thought he would want to? His voice envelops Mikael, whispering in both his ears like an enchantment.

He loves me. He only fears you.

Niklaus is sprawled on his back, looking up at the sky.

It’s nearly suppertime, Esther calls to him. There’s deer or rabbit. Niklaus, she repeats when he does not answer. What do you want?

He doesn’t move. I want my brother back.

He’s burning up, Father, Finn announces. Would it not be best to bring him home, so Mother can care for him?

Mikael seethes. Fight through it, Elijah. You are strong.

He hopes.

Esther offers the little ones honey on their bread, as a treat.

Niklaus shakes his head, turning his sweet radiant smile on her. Not for me, Mother. I’m saving mine.

Nine days in the forest. Elijah has burned with a fever for nearly half of them. His voice scratches in his throat. He can barely stand.

Mikael swore to keep him away until Niklaus’s hold over him was broken.

It isn’t magic, Niklaus sneers. He grows more impatient.

There is no spell to break. I will have him because he wants me, Mikael.

Mikael shudders.

After ten days, Mikael finally relents. Esther does not need to lose another child. He and Finn hoist Elijah between them and carry him home.

Upon the hunting party’s return, Niklaus will not be torn from Elijah’s side. He holds his hand while Esther and Ayana treat him with herbs (and a few whispered spells). He holds Elijah’s head on his lap until he wakes.

When Elijah’s eyes open, he comes back to life. Color seems to return to his cheeks, the heaviness leaving his limbs. He reaches up to cradle his brother’s face while Niklaus holds him close, exclaiming softly but excitedly.

Niklaus feeds Elijah supper that evening, letting him lick drops of honey from his fingers after a meal of bread and fruit.

Esther catches him dozing upright late in the evening, Elijah’s head still on his lap.

Niklaus. She shakes him gently to wake him. Are you all right, my love?

His eyes are bleary, exhausted. There is a tangle of honey stuck in his hair. But he smiles, his blue eyes shining with contentment. Yes, Mother.

Mikael gnashes his teeth when he sees how readily the two boys snap back together. Elijah, so wearied by whatever fever overtook him in the forest, recovers quickly in the arms of his hungry-eyed brother.

Niklaus breathes Elijah in, holding him close as if to make up for all the lost days.

He made no trouble, Esther reassures him. Although he missed his brother.

Mikael is awakened in the night by harsh breathing close to his ear. He reaches instinctively for his knife, but it is not beside his pillow.

He opens his eyes to see Niklaus’s slender figure. Looming over him, staring at him with those cold, pale eyes.

Don’t you ever, he snarls, take him away from me again.

Mikael closes his eyes again and waits, through his pounding heart, for Niklaus to disappear. (He drank too much at the homecoming meal.)

When he wakes in the morning, his knife is still nowhere to be found.

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14dayswithyou · 2 years

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▋PERSONAL / LOVE LETTER ASKS !

✦゜ANSWERED: To avoid flooding the dash with all of these asks, I'm just gonna compile them into one big "masterpost" ^w^

also y'all have my entire heart!! ty for these cute messages ;v;

By pressing 'keep reading' you confirm that you are 18 or older.

Anonymous asked: i’m like a rabid dog foaming at the mouth waiting for ur post notifications i mean this in the most complimentary way possible

WAHHH ILY!!! I MEAN THIS IN THE MOST COMPLIMENTARY WAY AS POSSIBLE TOO

Anonymous asked: OKAY i just found your game and was kinda sceptic but... It is so??? Good??? I can't i'm in love with ur work 😭😭😭😭 ur writing, art and whole atmosphere is impeccable. Waiting for day 2 with ma hart while sending my love and devotion to u🥺💞💞💞 And Ren- omg that scene made me- No thoughts, only desire to... Tease the hell out of him and play dumb after. Take the lead and make him shaky and needy. Just please him without taking anything in return. Boy deserves some love and pampering and spoiling 😔 I was never especially fond of yandere characters, but then found your game and fall in love with it (and with Ren, he's my comfort character now) I love your writing and art style so much! Thank you for this game! P. S. Please, hug Renren for me 💕

aaaaa thank you so much for sending such a cute ask!!!!! I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed the demo (and Ren)! I'll be sure to pass all of your love, hugs, and pampering onto them <3

@kia97 asked: I would like to express all my love for you, because thanks to your inventiveness, you have been able to create a beautiful work!! your art is so impressive it is beautiful that it was able to capture me from the first moment!! thank you for sending me so many beautiful emotions and for passing them on in the future as well. I hope you are Renren you will accept my words of love and I wish you the best💖.

Wahhh thank you for your kind words and support!! ;v; I always see you on twitter and I get so !!!^w^!!! whenever I see your name pop up in my notifications! <3

Anonymous asked: this is my ever first time on playing a visual novel with actions and choices i could relate so much! it's really refreshing and i found myself seriously immersed in it! thank you so much for making it!! giving you one tight online hug!!<33

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank youuuu ^^ <3

Anonymous asked: HEHSHFS just found your tumblr and game and playing the demo for the first time and GOD this is just reinforcing how much i love needy whiney men

In this household we stan submissive and breedable men uwu (who can also confidently rail you in the restricted area of the library)

Anonymous asked: how does it feel to have created the best yandere in the history of yanderes? 🤭 i wanna thank you for spending so much time with us, answering all of our silly questions, you're so sweet ❤ and sorry for adding another one oops you dont have to reply just wanted you to know you're an amazing dev ❤

JFDKFJKFAFK You're so kind nonnie!! ;o; I love talking and interacting with y'all too! <3 Thank you for sending this in ^^

Anonymous asked: Just wanted to say to you that you're an amazing person and Im so thankful that you gave us some people to simp over! Im so excited to see more of the game! Stay awesome and be proud!

Wahh thank you for the support!! <3 I'm glad you enjoy all of the characters aaa

Anonymous asked: I adore this game 🥺 I’d love to throw some money at you through itchio, but haha… my president is a freaking maniac and is doing a pretty good job at isolating my country right now, so I might have to wait a couple of years. I guess you have readers in the unlikeliest of places. I just wanted to say that your writing is very nice AND accessible for people whose first language isn’t English. This account makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, you’re so welcoming. It must take a lot of work. Please take breaks and don’t strain yourself 🙏🏻

It's okay!! Keep your money! I'm just happy (and very blessed) to know that people genuinely enjoy the game! ^^ But thank you so much for the support, and I'm very sorry to hear that you're stuck with such a terrible president right now >.< I hope things will get better for you soon nonnie! ;v;

@whispereons asked: Hey I found your game and I adore everything about it. I've been inhaling all your 14day content and from what I know this is basically you riding solo AND doing college. You are amazing, even if you don't feel like it all the time, and we are all proud of you. My next ask will be for simping cause you deserve one just for how incredible you are.

JKAFAFKASJK Thank you sm!! ;w; I'm just happy to see that people love the content that I put out, even if it's not much right now ^^; But thank you for your support!! <3

Anonymous asked: I absolutely love how you use different colored phrases in your text. It's like I can hear these responses - intonation and all. P.S. Love your game and all the characters (especially Ren <3).

Ty!! I'm glad you picked up on it ^^ It's also really fun to do lmao But thank you for your kind words! <3

Anonymous asked: i’d just like to let you know that i love you and ur work and ur very funny and talented mwah mwah bye

nonnie pls come back our marriage is in shambles.... the kids miss you.......... (but fr thank you so much!!)

Anonymous asked: (¡Hi!, I really enjoyed the demo. I tried all the routes and even took some time to make the translation of the binary code that appears at the end of it (Was a nice touch), and I'm excited to see what's next with other days! :D U are doing a great work with the game!

aaaa thank you!! I hope translating the binary code was worth it because I can only imagine how much time it'd take to do that ^^; so I'm very sorry for wasting your time afasfaksf But ty for your kind words!!

@niyalibata asked: Okay but RenRen you can have me anytime like- 💗💗 I’m just absolutely in love I honestly just found your game for the first time *very* early this morning & I can’t begin to tell you the hold Ren’s had on me since 😭. As you’re the person behind my new hyper-fixation I will now hold you accountable for my lack of sleep (Jkjk) In all seriousness though I’m really glad I found your game & I hope that it continues to grow! I can tell you put a lot of love in it. Also I can’t wait to see more but make sure not to overwork/push yourself too hard! ♡ I don’t have a question just wanted to be thristy for Ren & drop some kind words lol

LMAO ren's got everyone in a chokehold rn :') But thank you so so much for this lovely message!! aaaaa ;v; I'm very honoured to be the one behind your new hyper-fixation, but plEASE GET SOME SLEEP SFJAKFKA

Anonymous asked: I love you and this game sooo much 😭 You're seriously so talented and amazing! aaaaaaaAaaaAAA!!!!

wahhh nonnie thank yoooouuuuuuu!!!!!!!! ;o; <3

Anonymous asked: I finally played the game and I love it!! I'm excited for more!!

I'm glad to hear that you loved the demo!! Thank you for your support <3

Anonymous asked: Unrelated but ILYSM SAINT you’re telling me you like, writing, yandere boys, FFXIV, AND DND!!! Please be my friend You are so perfect shahhshsusvsgs (I don’t mean this in a weird way I hope you are by no means uncomfortable I’m sorry)

nonnie we are getting married in FFXIV and DnD fr I'm not joking (i'm joking) Lmao but in all seriousness, it's so relieving(?) to know that there are others out there that share the same interests as me!! Feel free to jump back into my inbox and talk to me about them!! Tell me what you love about writing, yandere characters, ffxiv, or even dnd!! <3

#💌 — answered.#💌 — love letters.#queued post #masterlist #FAQ

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write-ur-wrongs · 4 years

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Of Monsters and Men (pt. 1)

Summary: Geralt and Jaskier travel to a small seaside village after being hired to take care of a monster that has been terrorizing the villagers for months. However when they arrive, Geralt finds that the monster in question isn’t so easy to kill.

A/N: This was getting to be quite lengthy, so I decided to split it into parts. This is the story I wanted to write when I first started watching the Witcher on Netflix and I am nervous and excited to finally be sharing it here!! Like with all my fics, I try to keep my Y/N has physically non-descript as possible, she/her and vibe are the only descriptors. I’ve also not proof-read but will edit errors as I see them post post lol. I hope y’all enjoy this!! Your feedback is always welcome :’)

this is approx. 2200 words and is largely setting the scene. I expect this to story to be told in no more than 3 parts.

_________________________

When Geralt and Jaskier rode up to the quiet coastal village, they were struck by how calm and peaceful it was. The sound of waves lapping against the rocky shoreline, the rhythmic bumping of boats against the docks, and the soft clatter of driftwood windchimes melted together to create an atmosphere that soothed Jaskier to his core. He found himself gaping at the sights that surrounded him in wonder; truly taken by the way setting sun cast a golden glow on everything and painted the cloud-laced sky in rich hues of pink and orange.

“This place…” he sighed theatrically, waving his arms around, “is wonderful! Geralt are you not moved by the sight of it all? Does your soul not sing out! Oh, Geralt! Wow!”

The witcher only rolled his eyes at his friend’s dramatics. Jaskier was always so blown away by the simplest things and it both amused and annoyed Geralt. Yes, the sky and the sea were beautiful sights, but more importantly, they were merciless vehicles of danger, death, and destruction; and Geralt knew better than to romanticize things that were, at their core, dangerous.

Sensing the bard’s eyes on him, Geralt gave him a hum of acknowledgement hoping it would be enough to satisfy Jaskier’s need for collective appreciation. It was, as he dreaded, insufficient.

“Come now, Geralt!” he enthused, “take that stick out your arse for a moment and appreciate the sights and sounds of this charming inlet! Listen to the sea! The chimes, Geralt! Listen to how the wind tickles the –”

“For fucks sake, Jaskier! It’s a fucking port city just like any other. This place is one bad storm away from being wiped out by that scenic sea of yours!”

“Yeesh,” Jaskier said letting out a low whistle. “Was it the stick in the arse bit? Too far?”

“Jask-”

“- because look, you are very stoic but – and I mean this as a compliment Geralt, so don’t get your leather in a –”

“Jaskier!” Geralt interrupted gruffly as he dismounted Roach with a huff. “Will you please shut up! Let’s just find the stables and the inn and get this over with.” Without waiting for Jaskier to catch up to him, he led his mare deeper into town.

Jaskier, refusing to let Geralt’s gruff exterior get him down, dismounted gracefully and lightly jogged to meet up with him, his lute clacking loudly against his back as he ran.

“Remind me again what dreadful little creature brings us out to this enchanting harbor?” he asked, still jogging a little to keep up with the witcher’s long strides.

“Don’t know yet.”

“Oh, ho-ho! A mystery? Always makes for a good song. What do we know so far?”

Geralt stopped and turned slightly towards the bard before speaking.

“Apparently a creature has been killing and dismembering men in town. They are being killed at all hours, bodies found in town, at sea, or out in the surrounding forests. Seems nowhere is safe.” Geralt let his cat-like eyes linger on the bard’s horrified expression for a moment before turning back and keeping on the path into town, shaking his head at Jaskier’s queasiness.

“Yeesh – Geralt! You’re not serious! Why would you bring me with you!?” Jaskier picked up the pace, suddenly wanting to be closer to his friend.

“You invited yourself,” Geralt said, trying to contain his smile, “as always.”

“Of course, I invited myself! You’re far to proud to admit you’d miss me.” Jaskier retorted. “Let’s get these horses to the stables, get rooms, and find food so that you can sort this out as quickly as inhumanly possible,” he said, speaking quickly and with a light waver, trying to pretend the quaint seaside village around him didn’t now leave him chilled to the bone.

“Hmm,” Geralt chuckled, happy to have managed to scare the bard into silence, at least for the time being.

The local pub was busier than Jaskier had expected when they rode into town. Seems the reason the village was so peaceful upon arrival was because everyone had already made their way to the bar. Fortunately, he’d managed to nab them a table by the stone fireplace; after a day of riding alongside the sea, Jaskier was desperate for a cold ale and a warm fire.

“Alrighty then, Geralt,” Jaskier said, holding his hands up to the hearth, “what have we got so far?”

“Not much,” he replied, tearing apart the loaf of bread a barmaid had brought over moments prior, “a couple people stopped me at the inn to ask me if I was here to kill the beast, but they didn’t have any information to offer besides the fact that it was a constant threat.”

“Well, maybe you’ll have more luck here – I mean look around, you’d think the whole town’s come to drink!”

“Port cities, Jask,” Geralt said, letting his gaze scan the room slowly, “the people here either spend their days at the mercy of the sea or waiting for their loved ones to come home. You drink for sorrow and for hope of a bright tomorrow.”

“That was poetic as fuck, Geralt! My influence?” he teased, shooting the witcher a cheeky grin, who merely grunted distractedly in reply.

Now ignoring his still-talking friend, Geralt’s eyes had landed on the two women working behind the bar. One was talking excitedly and kept casting quick glances toward the bard, blushing brightly when she caught his eye, while the other was watching Geralt with inquisitive eyes.

“… I tell you Geralt the more you allow yourself to – oh! Speaking of which, here come a few now!” Jaskier flourished, winking enthusiastically at the blushing barmaid who was making her way towards them sheepishly.

Geralt sat back in his chair and rolled his eyes, already tired of the flirting he was about to witness. To his surprise and great pleasure, Jaskier got up and met her halfway, leaving him in peace with his thoughts.

Having brought his attention back down to the bread before him, Geralt didn’t notice that he had company until she was right in front of him. Sensing her presence, he shot his gaze up quickly, and found her staring at his wolf medallion with a quirked brow.

“Forgive me,” she started, her deep, velvet-like voice washing over Geralt like morning sun after a cold night, “but you’re… a witcher?”

“I am,” he replied, giving her a crooked smile, his own voice, low and gravely and smooth, not going unnoticed by the woman before him. “Geralt, of Rivia.”

“Oh fuck,” she said, with a breathy sort of laugh, “so you’re not a witcher, you’re the Witcher then, aren’t you?”

Geralt let out a low and modest grunt, shaking his head at the comment. He thought himself immune to the scrutiny and awe that came with being the White Wolf, having carried the title for so long, but there was something about the way she was looking at him that left him shy.

“I’m,” he faltered needing to stop to clear his throat, having made the mistake to look her in the eyes, “just a witcher. Really.”

“Well, they don’t send you out for just anything, do they? For you to be out here in our little hamlet…” she squinted at him with a small tilt of her head, “we must be under some kind of threat. Should I be worried?”

“I was hoping you’d tell me, –” he stopped, waiting for her to introduce herself.

“Y/N,” she replied quickly, offering Geralt a warm smile despite the fact that she’d just crossed her arms, “and I mean we do get the odd ruffian coming through town. They always make a mess of things, don’t they? Beyond that, well, I suppose alcohol does breed violence in some,” she gave a light, one shouldered shrug, “but that’s not the kind of crime that would reach your ears.”

Geralt hummed thoughtfully, taking his time to consider Y/N’s words. She seemed almost too friendly, and there was something about her that both drew him in and had him putting up his guard.

“A monster has been picking the men of the village off one by one.” Leaning back into his chair to put some distance between them. “I’m surprised you wouldn’t be aware, considering,” he nodded towards the bar, “your job here.”

“Meaning what?” she retorted, wearing a playful smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Only that you must hear a lot,” he gestured vaguely to the crowd surrounding them, “and see a lot, doing what you do. I would have expected that the disappearance and dismemberment of men in town would be something of note.”

“Well,” Y’N tsked, “I’m sorry to say that you’ve been brought out here on something of a fool’s errand. There’s no monster here; the tale of disappearing men has been told here for months. It started with a woman, too embarrassed to admit that the man who impregnated her left her overnight, telling everyone that a creature from the forest killed him. From there the story grew wilder with every retelling.”

“Hm,” Geralt hummed, watching Y/N carefully with narrow eyes, “I was told dismembered body parts were turning up, consistently, after each disappearance, and that they were being identified as belonging to the latest victim. Besides, I was hired to come here. Why would someone pay me coin to rid a town of ghost?”

“People struck by tragedy will claim to see many things, Sir Geralt,” she replied softly, “not all of them will be true. A dead fish floating at sea, a creature mauled by wolves by the roads, rotten meats abandoned by vendors…” she shrugged, “the mind will twist the truth in order to bring comfort. Who hired you?”

She added that last question quickly, and Geralt could tell it was calculated. Sensing this, he only replied with a quirked brow and a tilt of his head.

Y/N betrayed no sense of frustration when she realized the Witcher wasn’t going to elaborate. Instead, her eyes softened, and she smiled at Geralt with what he perceived as pity.

“Look, the truth is that there is no monster here. Isn’t that right Thalia?”

“Sorry, what?” Thalia, who had just walked back over the Geralt’s table with a tray of ales in her hands, was breathlessly giggling at something Jaskier had whispered in her ear. As she and Jaskier placed four ales on the table, Y/N took a seat across from the Witcher and quickly explained got the two up to speed.

“Oh goodness, that! I can not believe our town’s little lore made it to your ears, Sir Geralt!” She said with wide eyes as she snuggled up next to Jaskier, clinking her tankard with his before taking a generous sip.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jaskier coughed on his ale, “you’re telling me there’s no monster here? That we might actually be able to enjoy a little rest and relaxation here without any horrible monster-killing business? Geralt this is good news!” he exclaimed, smacking his free hand on the table for emphasis.

Geralt only growled out a hum in response, never taking his eyes off Y/N.

“I’ll admit,” Thalia continued, seemingly unaware of the tension between the Witcher and her friend, “it’s scary to think about – you know, murder – but when you actually think about who disappears, it’s not difficult to see the truth.”

At this, Geralt turned his fierce gaze away from Y/N. “What do you mean, ‘who disappears’?”

“O-only that the men who leave aren’t really the type that anyone would miss.” She replied, stuttering a little against her best efforts to not recoil at Geralt’s inhuman eye-contact. “They were mean, violent types. The kind of man that would get crueler the more he drank. Just, awful, evil men, right Y/N?”

Y/N nodded quickly in agreement, taking a slow sip of her ale. “Good riddance.”

“Exactly!” Thalia agreed, clinking her glass to Y/N’s.

“Hell, I’ll drink to that,” Jaskier laughed, before picking his lute up off the floor. “What do you say ladies, a song?”

Thalia cheered loudly and encouraged the rest of the patrons to listen to the bard, letting them all know that he was in fact, the one who traveled with the great White Wolf. Jaskier was positively floating from the adoration as he danced around the pub, pulling cheers and applause after every song.

All the while, Geralt never took his eyes off of Y/N, who had retreated back to the bar after finishing her drink.

Geralt wasn’t sure what to believe. He had a strange feeling about this place from the moment he and the bard arrived, and it frustrated him to no end that even after hours in town, he was no closer to understanding the source of his discomfort. One thing was for certain, something about the story he heard here tonight did not add up, and he definitely didn’t trust its source.

Y/N was standing behind the bar washing glasses, but she wasn’t focused on the task at hand. Instead, her eyes were trained on the crowd before her. Geralt watched her as she scanned the pub with calm, slow-moving eyes that jumped from patron to patron.

The witcher was distracted for a moment when Jaskier sauntered into his sightline, singing a loud chorus of Toss a Coin to Your Witcher. Despite himself, Geralt couldn’t help but smile at the bard, whose face was flushed from the ales and the exertion.

However, as Geralt watched Jaskier twirl across the crowded pub, something in his peripheral vision made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Y/N had turned he head and was staring right at him with a pair of pitch-black eyes.

Like a shot, Geralt turned his gaze to the woman behind the bar – his heart beating loudly in his ears – only to find her smiling warmly at him, her eyes their normal shade.

Instinctively, Geralt brought his hand up to his wolf-head medallion, hoping it would signal the presence of some supernatural evil. But he felt nothing.

He didn’t know what she was, but she was not human.

#the witcher fanfiction #the witcher x reader #the witcher netflix #the witcher fandom #fanfiction requests #fanfiction #fanfic #the witcher series #geralt of rivia #witcher geralt #witcher fic #witcher fanfiction #witcher x reader #toss a coin to your witcher #geralt of rivia x reader #geralt x y/n #geralt x you #geralt x reader #Jaskier

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ohallthecrushes · 3 years

Text

Keep calm and carnival on

A/N: @deangirldream requested a fluffy fluff. Thank you for it! ^^ It was a joy to write it. I was trying to put jokes and a lot of fluff to it. I hope you like it. 🙂

Summary: You went to see your clown at work and you ended behind a tent with your face painted up by Carnival. Cause you as his clown girlfriend have to look like one!

Words count:2016

It was a long weekend as most people had three days off of work and almost everyone had some plans of how to spend these days. Most wanted to spend it with their loved ones and you were one of them.

Unfortunately, most people didn't mean everyone, someone always had to work and this time it was Artie. He had a really busy days ahead of him. A small festival was happening in a park and Arthur as Carnival was one of the clowns that were performing there. You promised him that you'd go to see him as soon as you finished your chores, and you kept your promise as you were already heading to the park to greet him and spend some time watching him in his natural environment. There was something delightful and uplifting in how a person could thrive when they did something they loved. And watching Carnival was really joyful and entertaining.

You couldn't wait to see your boyfriend, but as soon as you got there, you realized you didn't know where to find him. It was more crowded than you expected and every few meters there was another small tent with something fun to do or to buy. Arthur had to be in one of them.

You spent some time walking aimlessly from one tent to another, enjoying the weather and a cheering atmosphere. You saw one clown but not with green curls and you waved to Gary as you noticed him in a crowd. He waved you back and pointed to the right, showing you where you could find Arthur. Sweet Gary, he was as helpful as always.

Your feet took you to the green tent as you almost ran the rest of your way there. There was a small group of people standing in front of it, mostly children so you didn't have a problem to see your favorite clown dancing and singing a song to kids. They were all amused and laughing, and you could see it was giving Carnival a motivation to put even more effort into his performance. You stood there for a moment, enjoying him dancing, and looking at kids happy faces. There was only you and Carnival and the happy crowd, nothing else. No problems, no work, no shitty people, no difficult situations. One of those rare happy moments that you wanted to frame in your mind so you could come back to it any time.

Carnival made a cute spin with his hands threw aside in a comical and ending manner as he finished his dance with a bow. He spotted you and sent you a big smile before he waved his hand to you, showing to come to him now. His gesture was a bit theatrical and funny, but Arthur liked to stay in his character for as long as he could.

- Hi there, Carnival - you said with a smile before you came closer to give him a kiss to his cheek. But as you leaned towards him, your foot tripped on his big clowny shoe and you fell on him. He caught your arms and chuckled.

- You can't help it but fall for me, ha? - he joked.

- What can I say? - you shrugged - Your charm is irresistible.

You leaned again, this time without stumbling, and gave him a peck on his cheek. He smiled and you were sure he blushed, but the white paint covered the redness.

- Mr Caaarnivaaal - a soft squealing voice came from behind you - Is that your wiiife?

You looked behind you at a small girl with a lollipop and you gave her a smile.

- Soon to be, yeah. She's my girlfriend - Carnival responded, his voice full of proud, and you turned your head to him so fast you could hear something in your neck cracked.

What? Did he mean it?

He didn't look at you but he noticed the surprised look on your face. His hand found yours and gave it a squeeze.

- But she's not a clown? - the little girl questioned with a suspicious stare. For her the only proper girlfriend for a clown was of course another clown. Simple as that.

- How can you tell she's not? - Carnival leaned down to her height level and raised an eyebrow.

- Because she's not looking like one.

- Oh! You're right - a faked shock appeared on his face - we should change that than, shouldn't we?

The little girl nodded approvingly and Carnival chuckled before he pulled you with him.

- One moment, smart one - he said to her while pointing his index finger up in the air as you both disappeared behind the green tent.

- What are you doing? - you asked with curiosity - You want to changed me into one of your kind?

Mhmh - he nodded smirking - Wait a moment, ok?

He went into the tent and after a moment you saw him back with two stools and a set of grease paints and brushes.

- Are you serious? - you chuckled as he asked you to sit - Can you even disappear behind the tent like that? Won't Hoyt be angry?

- I'm on a break - he shrugged - Besides... - he reached into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter - I haven't smoked for four freaking hours.

He lightened the cigarette and took a deep breath.

- Better? - you asked as you watched a ball of smoke leaving his mouth.

He nodded with a smirk as he took another puff and sat down on the other stool.

You sat down too and watched as he was setting up his supplies, putting them on a grass, choosing the right brushes and colors for you.

- Alright - he said with a smile as he picked up a large brush - Let's get it started.

You giggled like a child when he leaned towards you with a white paint on the top of the brush. The smell of it was familiar to you, since you smell it often from Arthur. You tasted it a bit even when you were kissing him with the greasepaint still on his face. But you'd never known the feeling of it on your own skin. When he was slowly painting your face, starting from your cheek, you closed your eyes and focused on how that felt. The paint wasn't cold as you thought it would be, the smell was stronger, yet bearable. It tickled sometimes, especially around your mouth.

- How does it feel? - his voice came closer to you.

- Nice.

When he finished painting your face white - the blank canvas he needed to create his work - he picked up the smaller brush, more pointed, and chose the first color to frame your eyes with. He told you to keep your eyes closed, and your chin had been lifted as he carefully started coloring your eyes. The smell of greasepaint mixed with the smell of a cigarette and you wrinkled your nose.

- That was cute - he said as he picked up another brush to put a different color on you. This time red. This was going to be your new smile. Oh, that was going to be great. He had a chance to put a smile on your face, but in a different way than usual. This time it was going to be almost permanent. He was sure you'd look beautiful when he finished.

- That's tickling - you chuckled as he brushed the paint across your lips.

- I know. It's like that until you get used to it.

- Am I going to look like you? - you opened your eyes. You wished there was a mirror so you could look at yourself.

- No, a little different. I'm using colors that you like the most.

- Oh, that's going to be awesome.

He nodded and took the cigarette between his lips. It was hanging from his mouth as he leaned a bit closer to you, putting his free hand on your tight. He wanted to touch you, he hadn't touched you much today and the last time was 10 minutes ago when you fell into his arms. You were more addicting than cigarettes.

- Now hush, sweety, we don't want you to have red teeth. It would scare the kids away.

You smirked as you watched his eyebrows knitting together in concentration. His eyes got those more intense look as he very precisely was drawing lines on your face. It was exciting and fascinating to watch him doing something artistic, something he liked to do. You could see it in his eyes, that he was excited too and he was very focused on you. This extra attention was making you feel like a princess. Clown princess. You would even like that title.

He inhaled the last time before taking the cigarette from his mouth to throw it onto the ground.

- Done! - he tilted his head as he admired his work, checking if everything was done correctly - You look beautiful.

- I wish I could see myself now. I don't have any mirror.

- There's a mirror inside the tent. You can look at yourself while dressing up.

- Dressing up?

- Yeah, there's a trunk there too. I think there should be a costume you could try on.

- Wait, you want me to perform?- you laughed as you got up - I don't know how.

- You know how, you watched me so many times. We will dance together and sing songs. It's easy you'll see - he said hyped as he took your hand in his - and you can make animals from balloons with me.

- Artie... - you chuckled but agreed to his idea - you know the only animal I can make from a balloon is a snake.

- That will do - he chuckled.

You helped him with supplies and he left you inside the tent, giving you time to dress up. You couldn't wait and you looked in a mirror to see what he'd created on your face. You were amazed. The colors he picked, your favorite ones, were very vibrant and he did an amazing job bringing them together into something colorful and matching.

You wanted to admire his work longer, but at the same time you didn't want him to wait for you.

You looked around and found the trunk. You opened it and picked up the first costume that was there. It was a little too big for you, but was comfortable enough to dance with it. And it even matched Carnival's outfit. After a while you decided to stay in your shoes however, there was no way you could dance or even walk in those big clown ones. You wondered how Arthur could do it.

When you were ready you went outside and when Arthur saw you he did that funny little jumps clapping his hands with excitement. You laughed as you walked over to him to stand beside him. He took your hand and swirled you around before he looked at the small girl that was still there, sucking on her lollipop. Her eyes opened wide in shock. Your transformation was spectacular to her.

You swayed shyly to the rhythm of a song playing somewhere in the background. Arthur was already doing a little dance facing you as he swirled you around one more time. You tried to mimic his movement and have fun, and soon you both were facing the crowd, doing some funny silly dance together. The kids were curious and seemed to like you.

The small girl came to you pulling her lollipop out of her mouth.

- You are Ms Carnival! - she said as she smiled at you.

You nodded and smiled back as you glanced at your boyfriend. You started to enjoy it more and more, gaining some confidence along the way. It indeed was easy like Arthur said. Actually, with Arthur, everything seemed to be easy. If you already didn't have a job, you could maybe work at Haha's with Arthur. You could just dance and sing and play around and entertain kids. You wouldn't have to do anything else and kids still would be impressed.

The girl pulled you by your sleeve bringing you down to Earth.

- Can you do any tricks?

Oh no.

#arthur fleck #joker #arthur fleck imagine #arthur fleck x reader #joker x reader #joker x you #joker fanfiction #arthur fleck fanfic

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marmarparadoxa · 3 years

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I always read opinions about hanji post time skip and ch 132 they say her decision to sacrifice herself was the decision of a suicidal person because of how inadequate she felt as a commander and unable to live up to erwin’s legacy or things like yams ruined Hanji’s character and was treated by him as unimportant character useless weak or gave up easily and was just there until armin grow up to be commander. As a hanji fan I feel so disappointed in hanji's treatment. What do you think?

Hi! I’m sorry to hear you feel like that as an Hange fan, and I’m aware that you’re not the only one who sees it that way. However, I felt very disoriented at first, when I started reading these opinions, because my experience about Hange’s character in reading the manga was very different from yours. Although I also have my complaints, I actually think that Hange had their time to shine in the last arcs, and moments and scenes and speeches for which I think I came to understand them better, and loved them and all the more felt proud of them, so I can’t say I feel disappointed by their treatment.

For one thing, I don’t think their decision to sacrifice themselves was the decision of a suicidal person. Hange never manifested any sort of suicidal ideation to begin with (as for instance, obviously Reiner did, and somewhat Armin - when he said, in reference to the serum bowl, that it wasn’t him, the one whom they should have revived), and overall, they never gave me the impression of someone willing to throw their life away. It’s true that they didn’t feel worthy of Erwin’s legacy, and blamed themselves for not having been able to show Eren alternative solutions. You can see, in certain moments, how much these thoughts made them doubt their value as commander. However, Hange was not the type of person who would let themselves be led astray by these thoughts, nor shy away from their responsibilities, to cry over themselves - and back to chapter 71, we can see what was their opinion of people who’d do that, in their reaction at Keith Shadis’ story.

Shadis shirked from his role as commander, because he wasn’t “special”, because he didn’t feel equal to his role. In learning that, Hange, for once, was not very sympathetic, but reacted very harshly, and labeled Shadis’ motivations as “childish reasons” and “inferiority complex”. And I think it was not only because they used to admire and have a crush for him once that they felt so outraged at that point, but mostly because of the kind of person Hange had always been. They were an incredibly strong-willed, resilient and self-denying person, who fiercely believed in the ideal they decided to dedicate their life to, and thus felt offended in learning about Shadis’ petty self-concern. And this is how Hange concluded their tirade against the poor Shadis that day: “Isn’t that what it means to cast away your own life and dedicate your heart to the greater good?”. And this leads to a further important point.

Being suicidal, or more or less actively seeking your own death for the sake of your own death, is a different thing from being prepared to altruistically give up on your own life, for the better good. And in view of the above, I’m convinced that Hange’s sacrifice falls under the second sort. In their very last moment, Hange was not thinking about their own misfortunes, but was still looking for the plan to take off, because they wanted to make sure that they could save their friends, and with them, the last chance for salvation for humanity.

So I didn’t like the briskness of the chapter, and I had a hard time suspending my disbelief at Floch having survived Gabi’s shot, and throughout the whole trip of the ship. That was not good-writing, and obviously Isayama wanted to kill off Hange, for whatever reason. But their readiness to take up their responsibilities, and sacrificing their life, was nonetheless consistent with the kind of person Hange has always been. When I think about their sacrifice, their speech to pastor Nick, on top of the walls, in chapter 34 always comes to my mind: “Do you know what exactly we in the Survey Corps have spilled our blood for? To take back the freedom the titans stole from us. For that cause...our lives were a small price to pay.” The Survey Corps required its members to devote their lives, their flesh, their hearts to its cause, and Hange was aware of that.

And when it comes down to it, what exactly could have Hange done to avoid their sacrifice? They couldn’t send any precious titan shifters (to Reiner’s chagrin) and of course they wouldn’t have sent any of the remaining kids (Mikasa, Jean or Connie), to go sacrifice themselves, instead of taking responsibility for their decisions. Levi, at that time, could barely stand up straight. So it had to be them.

I think that Hange was even more courageous, and their sacrifice was all the more admirable (and more painful for me) if you consider that Hange, though willing to take their responsibilities, and committed to their purpose, didn’t actually want to die. Their leaving the kids was so swift, rushed, and they didn’t show how scared they were. But it became manifest when they were asking Levi to let them go, and when he put his fist above their heart, and told them to dedicate their heart, their lips curved downward, and then they laughed it off, and flew away. They downplayed their feelings and rushed, so to be able to leave Levi and the kids - the people they loved - behind. Death, for them, didn’t come as a release from sufference or a crushing burden, but they accepted and went toward it nonetheless.

Then, if we want to address Hange’s character general treatment post time-skip, I think it’d be better to first briefly observe what was Isayama’s general treatment of all Paradis characters, post time-skip. My general impression is that, having come into play all those new different characters from Marley, which asked for narrative space and development, and the plot which had to keep going on, somehow there wasn’t space and time to a proper treatment of the old cast, so that its members, more or less, became rather static and passive.

However, I didn’t perceive Hange’s character as being “unimportant, useless, weak, or giving up easily, who was just there until Armin grew up to be commander”, as you said. In those four years, Hange had a most important role - they were the one who directed their first encounters with Marleyans ships, and talked to their members, and initiated their alliance. Among all Paradis’ political figures, together with Pixis Hange was the one who most took part in negotiations and diplomacy, and worked hard to give Paradis a future. They were shown happily getting excited over Marleyans’ inventions, overcoming Marleyans’ hostilities. And then there’s that beautiful scene, when they restored hope for the kids, proposing the trip to Marley, and then expressing the Survey Corps’ ideal. Later on, when Eren betrayed them in Liberio, when in the dungeon he threatened them, and then when the Jeagerists organized and Floch sequestered them, of course Hange felt let down, disheartened, and powerless, and doubted their value. However, given the circumstances, I wonder how these reactions would spoil Hange’s character, where in fact they are most understandable, and human. It made me sad to see Hange suffer that way (the scene where they were shooting at those SC soldiers and crying, and then seeing how Sannes’ words were still haunting them was painful to see), but it was also interesting to see more of their vulnerable side. And so, it was even more remarkable to see what they were able to do, despite the seemingly hopeless conditions, after Eren initiated the Rumbling - Hange didn’t give up easily at all. It was them who gathered the Alliance. They spoke with Magath, and Pieck, and thus persuaded previous enemies to join forces. Then they went and found Mikasa and Jean, and asked them to help them. And, in the morally wavering atmosphere after the start of the Rumbling, the scene of “I’m not accepting genocide!! You’re not getting me to agree with any reason to support this!!”, and their following speech was so powerful, meaningful, and important.

In conclusion, Hange kept on being Hange till the end, I think - they were still the playful, optimist crazy titan scientist (I mean, they asked Pieck’s Cart titan if she ever brushed her teeth in her titan form XD), and, in the bleakest moment, they didn’t lose hope (“It might not work out today...but maybe someday”), they were still keeping on looking to the future.

And I want to add one more thing, in regards to the “afterlife” scene. I imagine that a lot of people (myself included) felt let down when Isayama stated that it was only a “revolving lantern”. But now I think that it doesn’t really matter whether that's just something Hange’s mind created, or an actual afterlife plane. It was an unexpected act of kindness from Isayama, which completed Hange’s arc in a somehow uplifting note. Hange got reunited with their friends, and saw the plane, flying above them (so they knew their sacrifice was not in vain). And then Erwin told them “You did well”. That’s the message Isayama wanted to give us about Hange, and, if nothing else, I feel grateful for that.

#hange zoe #snk meta #hanji zoe #erwin smith #armin arlert #reiner braun #keith shadis #levi ackerman #pieck finger #jean kirschtien #mikasa ackerman #this got longer than i intended #apparently I needed to get this out of my chest ^^#snk 132 #tw suidice

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bourbon-ontherocks · 3 years

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time to shine ‘thursday’ Friday

This tag game was created in hopes of reaching at least a few people and creating more awareness for the creator-side of tumblr. Time to Shine Thursday is inspired by these posts and meant to be for all artists alike: writers, editors, poets, GIF makers, cartoonists etc. This is me giving you all an excuse to show off!

Only rule: Be as thirsty for attention as you want to be! Link your old fics/art pieces or anything that didn’t get enough attention, or link a work you loved to create or share a draft from your newest WIP. Or do all of these. Be greedy. Show your art. Crave attention. Be proud. And don’t forget to give your friends an excuse to show off theirs!

Additional note: Please consider dropping one of your favourite hidden gems by another author along with your own work so others can enjoy it as well and so that it doesn’t stay buried any longer!

I was tagged eons ago by @misshazelevers20 @juuuunaaaaoooo and @whiskeyjack (thanks lovelies! 😘😘😘)

I am proud of:

My two favourite fics It Hurts When I See You Struggle and I hear her scream (and I feel nothing). I love them so much, to me these are the fics where my writing is at its finest, and I really managed to make these fics look exactly like what I had in mind in terms of plot, atmosphere, emotional journey, so I’m very proud of having hit my own target in the middle with them. In that regard, it makes me particularly happy that the first one is my most bookmarked fic of all.

I am beyond honoured that the talented writers and wonderful human beings that are @whiskeyjack and @septiembrre trusted me into betaing their respective fics. I love these stories so much and the fact that I, a non-native English speaker, could be of any help in their writing process makes me the proudest. Also betaing someone else’s work is an amazing experience that teaches you a lot and everybody should try it. Go read these amazing stories asap everyone, and I’m looking forward to the next chapters!

I am very proud of my Cold Showers Lead To Crack crackfics series because being funny is pretty often harder than being angsty, and also the writing process of these fics involved much cackling to myself. In particular, I am super proud of the Bourbon glass POV Pour Me A Drink, And I'll Tell You Some Lies and the Dean x Reader self-insert But the tigers come at night with their voices soft as thunder because both were kinda out of my comfort zone and lead me to explore new things and have a lot of fun. Also I gifted both of these to @sothischickshe and I am beyond psyched and proud that they seemed to make her laugh at least a little ❤️

My Cyborg!Rio edit because I spent an unreasonable amount of time on it and I find it so funny

I want to shoutout:

@sothischickshe‘s upon your ignorance (and the gray despair) of your ugly life (Dean x Rio bodyswap, it’s amazing, hilarious, and totally underrated) and the underrated gem that is Maybe it’s something in the water, I re-read it recently and it got me cackling so hard

@ama-ssiempre‘s art, which is my favourite, in particular the BRIO HUG and the kiss for the Mystery box prise, but also everything she draws (check it here) ❤️

This little gem I recently discovered: PTA Vibes by greyish, it’s clearly not underrated since it has 1k+ kudos but it’s been posted quite a while ago so I thought I’d dust it out a bit. Rio gets in Beth’s PTA (mostly) to mess with her. That’s it, that’s the plot, and it’s absolutely hilarious.

@sdktrs12‘s GG edits. There's just something so crispy and pretty and fun/ny about them, and sometimes they hit me where it hurts too, and the colouring & fonts are always gorgeous, and I love especially the Fuck It series (Beth and Rio’s versions), and the Bitch!edit and the Man...!edit and so many others! 💖💖

@misshazelevers20‘s hilarious @textsfrompaperporcupine and The Onion headlines GG edits. These are always so fun and on-point!!

@icanthearyoufromhereplease‘s moodboards!!! Especially the A Rational Choice one, but reallly, all of them!!

I tag: I don’t know, I assume everyone’s already done it, but in case you haven’t/want to do it again, I tag @missmaxime @sdktrs12 @septiembrre @ama-ssiempre @mamey2422 @daydreamstew @sothischickshe and YOU if you read this

#time to shine thursday #about me #writing #Miscellaneous #tagging games

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jubilantwriter · 3 years

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It All Began with a Big Crash

(AO3)

Summary: It's the one year anniversary of Boyfriend and Girlfriend's growing relationship, and Boyfriend absolutely, totally, DID NOT forget that today is that special day. And yet, that one single DID NOT FORGETTing leads to a domino effect, resulting in quite possibly one of the best nights of their lives.

After all, what's the point of a performance if no one's having fun during it?

Word Count: 7154

(A/N: Happy 1st Anniversary of Friday Night Funkin’! I literally wrote and edited this all in one day. Got home at midnight, started writing, and then I posted it at 10 am, took a nap, went to work, AND NOW I’M HERE ON TUMBLR :D Anyway, FNF has been a big comfort for me these past months, so it’s only fitting that I put myself through hell to get this little bit out. I hope you all enjoy!)

\\\\

Now, Boyfriend isn't a forgetful man. This thought crosses his mind as he stands up abruptly after paying for his lunch and racing for the door.

"Be-!"

"Eep!"

CRASH .

But sometimes things... slip from his mind, and while he's not one prone to panic, THIS is something worth panicking over.

"-EP. SHIT. SORRY!"

"My dishes!" A blonde server kneels on the ground, surrounded by the clumsy carnage created by Boyfriend inadvertently crashing into her on his rush out. She glares accusingly at him as the boy jogs in place. "Again, really?!"

"Sorry, sorry!" He waves his hands in front of him before looking over his shoulder. "I'll pay for the dishes and shit uh, later!" He dashes out the door as she calls out behind him.

"That's what you said LAST time!"

Well, last time he was dirt poor, but now that he's pretty famous around town, he's actually got the moolah to pay for damages! So yeah, next time!

...Is what he meant to tell her, but he's already busting into the conveniently placed flower shop, panting as he looks around wildly for help. The florist in question glances at him completely unbothered by his entrance.

"Forgot an important date again?" she quips, staring back down at her phone as she drapes herself over the counter.

"BAP!" he says defensively, because he DIDN'T forget! It just... slipped his mind a little. In his defense, he'd gotten so used to being with Girlfriend that it felt ... normal! Like they've been together for YEARS and being with her just felt so right, and every day was the greatest day of his life because he had her by his side. So yeah, maybe the days slipped past him in a blissful sort of way, like when he gets super focused on his music or some arbitrary task, and the hours slip by and suddenly it's the next morning! It's kind of like that, but with a girl who makes him smile and laugh and forget that life is supposed to be difficult and hard, and not fun and invigorating. And to think they've only been together for a year...

...A year.

...Wait.

Shit.

SHIT.

He's doing it again!

He bustles over and slaps a fifty on the counter. "Bop!" he announces in a rush, tapping his fingers impatiently as the florist holds it up to the light.

With a low whistle, she puts it back on the table. "Wow, you're really going all out this time, huh?" Before Boyfriend can respond to her sarcasm, the florist calls out to her partner in the back. "Flower! Miku's lil bro is back at it again, dropping a fifty and hoping for the best."

"Again?" A husky voice makes its way over as a familiar bush of thick hair pops out from beyond the doorway. "Boyfriend, you should know by now that apology bouquets are at least a hundred."

"Ba- skida- AUGH! It's not an apology bouquet!" He stomps his foot, irritated to break out the English but knowing full well it’s a matter that needs clear communication. So not really a waste of words, just a waste of energy on two ladies who will give him shit regardless of the noise he makes.

"Oh yeah? What's the occasion?" The taller florist - Lily, hilariously enough - leans forward with a smirk as Flower keeps her deadpan stare.

"It's for my anniversary!" He crosses his arms and harrumphs as Lily whistles again.

"Damn, and you didn't invite us to the wedding? Harsh."

"No, not that-! Ugh, you know what I mean."

"Do we?" Lily and Flower exchange a look before Lily's smirk widens. "I dunno, you don't give us the dirt anymore. Remember when you'd come in here all the time, red in the face trying to get apology bouquets for that one boy? What's his name-"

"Pico," he answers, a bit flustered as the memories rush through his mind before shaking his head, "and he liked them all, by the way! But this isn't about him-"

"No, it's about your new girl, right?" Flower cuts in, leaning against the doorway with a bored expression. "What's her favorite color? It's not green, is it?"

"It's red, and please can you make it quick? I dunno when she wants us to meet up, so...!" He flashes them two thumbs up and is about to bounce, but Lily grabs the collar of his shirt with a chuckle.

"Not so fast, dumbass." She pulls him back to the counter as he whines pathetically. "You really think a fifty is enough for an anniversary bouquet?"

Oh no. He starts to sweat, feeling his wallet tremble in fear. They're doing it again. "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean, Flower?" Lily turns back to the shorter florist as the other makes a thoughtful hum.

"One hundred, at least."

"Yeah, at least one hundo." Lily holds her hand out. "C'mon, cough it up, shorty."

This is beyond unreal, but at the same time, it is completely expected from people who teased him relentlessly since he was a kid. "If it wasn't for Miku, you guys wouldn't even be here!"

"We're only here because of convenience, please." Lily snorts as the boy continues to struggle. "So you aiming for an apology bouquet or an anniversary bouquet?"

"Just cut me a deal, please? For old time's sake?" He clasps his hands together and bats his eyelashes. "I'm still that cute little kid who used to pretend to be like Miku! Who could forget good ol' Mikuo?"

"One hundred." Flower cuts off the potential reminiscing and steps up to the counter. "Or it's an apology bouquet."

Grumbling miserably, Boyfriend digs around in his pocket and manages to snag something. He pulls out his hand and counts out four quarters. Quietly, he puts it on top of the fifty.

Flower and Lily both look at it silently.

"...Well," Flower begins, slowly taking the money, "I did say one hundred."

Roll with it roll with it roll with it-

"Yeah, and uh, four twenty-fives makes one hundred, right?"

"What, are we speaking French now?" Lily asks with a sneer.

"No," Boyfriend begins, blinking slowly, "pretty sure we're speaking English."

"Oh my god." She slaps her hand over Flower's. "We are not doing this."

"I gave you one hundred," he argues, sweating miserably as he turns up the confidence.

"He did give us one hundred," Flower agrees.

"You are not giving this to him. You know he didn't even plan this! He's too stupid to pull a slick move like that!"

Boyfriend just smiles and gives them a double thumbs up.

"It's not like anyone else is gonna be coming in to give us another job." Flower hums and stows the money in the register, much to Lily's chagrin. "And besides, if I get bored making it, I'll just take a nap."

"Flower-!" Before Lily can protest even more, Flower disappears into the backroom, no doubt to either work on the bouquet or take that nap. Lily turns back to Boyfriend and glares, jabbing a finger against his chest. "Be back here in a few hours. You're taking whatever the hell she makes for you, stingy little bitch."

"That's all I have on my person!"

"We accept credit and debit."

"I have bills to pay."

"You're such a little-!" Lily makes a strangling gesture with her hands before grabbing and shaking him. "You better give this girl a helluva anniversary."

"I'm trying!" He backs up and shoots the tall florist finger guns before vacating the premises. Okay, one thing down. Next: chocolates. Easy-peasy. What place sells heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and other cutesy, anniversary items?

Boyfriend makes a beeline for the local grocery store and spends only a total of thirty minutes there, making the proud purchase of a box of chocolates, a little teddy bear holding a heart, and even a balloon that says, "I Love You". Score! Damn, he's doing great so far. And it was such a quick purchase! Maybe Miku's friends could learn a thing or two about making quick sales instead of harassing him over every little thing.

What's next, what's next...

A place for dinner, right! Girlfriend loves the local bar. Great food, a nice atmosphere, open mic nights, a server who's familiar with them...

A server that he crashed into and made her drop all those dishes to the floor... like that other time he did it to her and held up the service for a sizable amount of time...

He gulps. Hm. She's probably still mad at him too. But uh, huh. He's not sure what to do. Maybe, maybe...

He takes out his phone and dials a familiar number. It rings only twice before a gruff, annoyed voice answers on the other side.

"I'm busy, the fuck you want?"

Without missing a beat, he gets on his metaphorical hands and knees. "Pico, can I ask a favor, please please pretty please?"

"Wow, English. Must be desperate." There's a loud crash on his end before Pico's voice yells at a pair of playful, young laughter. "Hey- hey! Watch it!"

"Pico, so uh, could you-?"

"Hey- give me that!" More raucous laughter fills the line as Pico sighs. "Sorry, Bee, don't think I can help ya today. I was supposed to just watch these two kids 'til Lila came back, but then I got a call from a pal who needs help at her joint and- Skid, Jesus fucking Christ -" There's some shuffling and a grunt as a playful squeal rings a little too close to the phone. Pico continues as though nothing happened on his end. "-and so basically I'm double booked for the night."

"Oh, okay." He tries not to let the disappointment seep into his voice, but another sigh from Pico suggests that he heard it regardless.

"Look, I'm real sorry, wish I could help, but a line's formin' and I can only do so much." Pico grunts and a soft thump is heard. Two voices chatter away distantly in the background, but Boyfriend focuses solely on Pico. "Why? What happened?"

"Well, today's me and Girlfriend's anniversary, and I wanted to take her out but-"

"Can't figure out a place to take her? C'mon man, you- Jesus, you two, slow down, I'm comin'- you already know one."

"Yeah, the bar but-"

"What, ya worried about 'bout lines or somethin'? I know it's busy and shit, but I'm sure Serv will get ya guys' a table easy. It's just you two, you'll be fine."

"Okay, but-"

"Oh my GOD, what the HELL is THAT?!"

A faint, childish voice answers Pico's horrified question as Boyfriend listens in. "That's Moloch!"

"...MOLOCH?"

A roar sounds from Pico's side of the phone call. The voice - uh, Skid, was it? - laughs excitedly. "Yeah! He's our friend!"

"He lives in Skid's attic!"

A demonic voice nearly blows out Boyfriend's eardrums. "GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"...Does your MOM know about this?!"

"Sorta! She thinks he's a rat."

"Hey hey HEY, back OFF-! Sorry, Bee, I'll call ya later!"

The last thing he hears is another roar before the line hangs up. Pico will probably be fine - he's handled worse after all, and even Boyfriend's faced off a demon or two! Maybe three, if that Lemon Man those two kids were friends with counted as well. Man, demons are just everywhere, huh?

...Speaking of demons. There’s one demon he really should be focusing on. Like getting their dinner date set up at her favorite bar in town. Even though he’s probably on that bar’s shitlist for knocking over their number one employee again .

But Girlfriend really does love going to that bar, and if it's for her... Fuck it, he'll suck it up and take whatever Server-chan's got against him. He'll just challenge her to a quick rap battle, win, and THEN they can have a nice dinner! Yeah, that's what he'll do. Lily's words replay in his mind as he walks off to his apartment to change into something nicer.

"You better give this girl a helluva anniversary."

Fuck yeah he will.

"Damn, after all these years, you still can't tie a tie." Lily frets over his outfit as she helps him tidy up a bit. A colorful ribbon now decorates the box of chocolates, tying it together with the teddy bear with the balloon also tied around its wrist. He grabs the tied together present after she rolls his sleeves up to his elbow.

"Bouquet?" he asks hopefully as Lily dusts off his shoulders for the hundredth time.

She huffs and shakes her head, blowing a stray hair out of her face. "You're lucky Flower didn't take a nap halfway through. It's her best work so far! All for the low, low cost of $51, tax not included."

"There's tax?!" He almost falls over, but Lily grabs him by the collar of his dress shirt.

"Chill out, we'll charge it to Miku's account."

"Oh, thanks." He swats away her hands when she tries to tuck in the other half of his shirt. "Fuck off, it's part of my style!"

"What, being sloppy?"

"The ladies love it."

"Your lady deserves better."

"But I'm the best there is!"

"Oh, God," Lily groans as her expression falls into despair. "Egotism really does run in the family."

"Enough about the family ego," Flower pipes up, her hands full with a large, beautiful bouquet. "These flowers need to be appreciated."

"Holy shit." Boyfriend takes the entire bouquet, admiring the reds, pinks, and whites. There's a smattering of small, lavender flowers here and there, making the other colors pop. "Roses!" he points out, the only flower he recognizes.

"Yup, and there's also lilies, alstroemeria, and-"

"Don't waste your breath," Lily cuts in, covering Flower's mouth before she can list them all out. "He won't remember any of the names."

A disappointed sigh escapes Flower, so he gives her the biggest grin he can muster. "Yo, I still think it's hella bomb to look at. I really think she'll love it!"

Flower perks up a bit, a small smile forming on her usually stoic face. "...Cool."

"Alright, get outta here." Lily shoves him back to the door with a grin. "You got a hot date, yeah? Go give her the night of her life!"

"Yeah!" He waves to the pair before leaving. "Gonna have a great night at the bar!"

Lily's smile falters as Flower's smile immediately disappears. "...The what?"

"See ya!"

"Wait, Boyfriend! You're taking her out to the fucking BAR?!"

He doesn't have the time to turn back and answer Lily, so he goes along his merry way, bouquet clutched tightly against his chest with the bear. Hopefully the incident from earlier today has been swept away. He really doesn't want to have a rap battle with Server-chan, but if he has to...

"Boyfriend!" A sweet, melodic voice pulls him from his thoughts as he looks over to see his beautiful, wonderful Girlfriend. Her iconic look now sports a sleek, black jacket reminiscent of her mother's own jacket. It looks stunning on her, and a soft, longing "beep" escapes him as she giggles and kisses his cheek. "Hey, hun. Happy anniversary!"

"Happy anniversary!" He holds out his gifts for her to take, and he delights in her unabashed joy as she takes them.

"Oh! This teddy bear is so cute, and these flowers are lovely!" Another giggle escapes her as she points at the bouquet. "Roses!"

"That's what I said!" They both share a laugh before her smile settles into something soft and relaxed.

"Now I wish I got you something too..." Girlfriend pouts a bit, but he kisses it away with a grin.

"Hey, don't sweat it! Lemme spoil you for the night instead." He offers her his arm, and she happily loops hers with his. They walk into the bar together and are met with a familiar face standing behind a podium. Despite being the hostess, Cassette Girl keeps her iconic cap on as she notices them and greets them with a lazy smile.

"Wooow," she drawls out, giving Boyfriend a knowing grin. "Back again so soon? And after that huge fuss you made."

"Fuss?" Girlfriend gives Boyfriend a curious look.

"Uhh, beep bah."

"Didn't tell her about your mishap, huh?" Cassette Girl raises an eyebrow and shakes her head. "Well, if you wanted to know, Serv got it figured out. Called in a favor last minute, and luckily he was nice enough to help out."

"Sorry about that," he says sheepishly, and Cassette Girl merely shrugs.

"It's whatever. Not the first time you messed her up real good. And besides, you're not even the first person to make her crash and burn for a hot minute."

"Is this still about the fuss you guys are talking about?" Girlfriend looks between the two as Cassette Girl chuckles.

"Yeah, but don't worry about it. Lemme take ya to your seats. Bar or nah?"

"Nah, it's our anniversary date today!"

"And you guys are spending it here?” She pauses for a second in thought before shaking her head. “Alright." Cassette Girl takes it in stride and seats them near the miniature stage.

"Oh, is it open mic night tonight?" Girlfriend sits down, already excited for the night as Cassette Girl chuckles and hands them the menus.

"Nah, originally we had a band booked tonight, but their back-up vocalist got injured, so they called it off last minute. It's gonna be a quiet night instead."

"Aww." The pout on Girlfriend's face lasts only a second before her smile returns. "Oh well! Sometimes quiet is nice too."

"Right you are. Anyway, your waiter will be with you guys in just a sec, so take your time. We're not too busy tonight, so feel free to cause more havoc." She flashes a grin before walking back to her station.

Girlfriend waves goodbye and turns back to Boyfriend with a smile. "Cassey is so nice! I wish we could talk to her more."

"Maybe we'll catch her on the street one of these days." He cracks open the menu, perusing the contents before deciding on getting his usual.

"Maybe! Should I try something new tonight?"

"Wouldn't hurt."

"But I don't know what to get..."

"Maybe we can ask the waiter?" He looks around for their supposed waiter, but all he sees is an unimpressed Pico standing at their table. "Oh! Pico! You're dressed like a waiter!"

True to his observations, Pico is dressed similarly to Server-chan; a black long sleeved shirt replaces his usual green sweater, and a pair of black slacks replaces his usual beige cargo pants. The only splash of color on his outfit is the bright orange apron that all servers seem to wear as per uniform, and it absolutely clashes with Pico's own bright, red hair.

"That's because I am the waiter, dumbass." The bite from his remark is lost from the tired slump of his shoulders, and the ginger begins to resemble Server-chan with each passing second. "At least for tonight. She called me in for a favor, and I agreed to help."

The conversation from earlier today pings in Boyfriend's memory. "Is this what you meant when you said you were double booked?"

"Yeah. Told me some blue-haired douchebag steamrolled her on his way out, and she ended up breaking a whole buncha dishes. She went out to go replace the whole set, so I'm coverin' for the rest of her shift while she takes care of it. Now that I think about it," Pico fixes him with a stern, knowing glare as Boyfriend shrinks under his sharp eyes, "I kinda already know about a certain blue-haired douchebag."

"I'll pay her back, I promise."

"You fuckin' better." Pico looks over to Girlfriend and offers her a tired grin when she waves cheerfully. "Hey, Red, he treatin' ya well tonight?"

"Yup! He got me chocolates, a bear, a balloon, AND a bouquet!"

"Really spoilin' ya there."

"Only the best for Gigi, right?" He nudges Pico playfully, the earlier irritation already melting away from his expression as he rolls his eyes and ruffles Boyfriend's hair.

"Yeah yeah. Ya guys ready to order?"

Pico takes their orders and departs quickly, the couple watching him disappear somewhere in the bar as their collective thoughts gather on one thing only.

"Mm, Pico should wear uniforms more often, huh?"

"It definitely looks flattering on him." They both hum before taking sips from the water Pico had set down earlier while taking their orders. With no ginger to distract them, Girlfriend's attention centers back on Boyfriend as she smiles. "Thanks for taking me out here for dinner! I know it's not easy for us to go out on dates since my parents still hover, so I'm really happy that we went out like you planned!"

"Oh yeah, totally." His easy grin hides the absolute panic he had for the entire half of his day when he realized he had nothing planned. "I wish I could treat you out for something better, but nothing else is really happening around this time of year-"

"Except for Spooky Month!" Two voices pipe up out of nowhere as the costumed duo surprise the couple.

"Oh, goodness, hello!" She laughs as Skid and, uh, Pump? Stand by their table looking curious. "How have you two been?"

"Okay! Mr. Pico has been babysitting us since Mom's been busy with her work stuff." Skid bounces on his heels as Pump looks up more calmly. "We wanted to introduce him to Moloch, but..."

"He didn't like him too much. He said Moloch is more scary than spooky." Pump sticks his tongue out and laughs. "Silly Mr. Pico! He does not understand that Moloch is our friend!"

"Moloch?" Girlfriend hums as bobs her head in thought. "That name sounds familiar. There was a demon that went missing months ago by that name..."

"Oh, weird!"

"Moloch came to us months ago too! But now he stays in Skid's attic."

"It's like a sleepover every day!"

"That sounds like fun!" She giggles as the kids bounce around her.

Boyfriend watches with a smile before remembering that “double booked” thing that Pico mentioned earlier. Were these the kids he was watching when Boyfriend called…? "So why are you guys here? If Pico is supposed to be babysitting you guys, but is working here instead..." Boyfriend wonders how Pico manages to balance so many jobs at once. He himself can barely handle the one!

"Mr. Pico said that he didn't trust Moloch and wanted us to stay somewhere safer."

"Which is weird, because Moloch is our friend! But it made him happier, so we came here with him."

"It's boring here, so Pump and I have been teaching lots of people how to spooky dance!"

"Oh?" Girlfriend indulges them and smiles as they crowd closer to her. "Can you show me too?"

"You don't know the spooky dance?"

"We should show her!"

"It goes like this!" The pair of children do a little dance for her, and a happy laugh escapes her as she watches. Boyfriend leans back and enjoys her happiness as the kids continue to chat with her.

"That looks like fun!"

"You can do it too!" Skid tugs on her hands, and it's enough to get her to stand up. "Just hold out your hands like this-"

"-and then you move like this!" The two of them demonstrate one more time before looking at Girlfriend expectantly. It takes her a few times, but the kids are surprisingly patient and more than happy to show her as many times as she requests until she gets it right. The sight of her having so much fun melts his heart, and he sighs as he watches her enjoy herself.

"Damn, look at you, meltin' into the table."

Boyfriend nearly slams his face against the table, making Pico guffaw as he puts their meals on the table. "Dude!"

"What? Just spittin' facts. Hey!" Pico's hands come to rest on his hips as he glares at the kids. Both Girlfriend and Boyfriend exchange a look, hiding their amused grins behind their hands as Pico takes on his caretaking role. "Skid, Pump, what did I say 'bout botherin' the customers?"

"Uhh..." The two kids freeze in place, looking at each other before looking at Pico. "Don't?"

"And what are you two doin'?"

"Bothering your friends!" Pump grins as Skid nods in agreement. "They are not customers, right?"

A puff of a laugh escapes Girlfriend as Boyfriend nudges Pico. "Yeah dude, we're your friends, not customers. We should get a de-"

A glare is enough to silence Boyfriend, but Girlfriend's composure quickly falls apart as a fit of giggles escapes her. Pico ignores her as he focuses his attention on his two charges. "They're still customers."

"But it's boring here!"

"Yeah, it's too quiet. You said there'd be music!"

"But there's no music, except for the soft elevator music."

"But that's boring too."

Both boys pout as Pico sighs and massages his temples. "Look, I didn't know the band would cancel today. After I'm done here, we can do something fun , okay?"

"Like getting candy?"

"Yeah, like gettin' candy." The two kids cheer and run off somewhere before Pico can stop them. "Hey-!"

"Damn, Pico, I didn't think you'd be good with kids." Boyfriend snickers as he eats a fry, watching as Pico sighs for the umpteenth time.

"You call that bein' good with kids?"

"It's better than I'd ever expect outta you."

"Rude little bitch." Pico snatches a few fries and chomps on them, ignoring Boyfriend's protests.

"When do you get off, Pico?" Girlfriend spins her fork around in her pasta before feeding the first bite to Boyfriend, keeping her eyes on Pico as the ginger hums thoughtfully.

"Technically nine, but I gotta watch the kids 'til ten. That's when Lila comes back from her shit."

"Do you wanna come over for movie night?" She looks over to Boyfriend who nods in agreement. Pico laughs and shakes his head.

"Ain't this supposed to be ya guys' anniversary date? Why the hell am I bein' invited?"

"'Cause it's more fun when you join us!" Boyfriend pipes up, making his eyes go wide with hope, knowing how much of a sucker Pico is for his puppy dog eyes. Like he predicts, Pico grumbles and looks away, a slight blush to his cheeks as he tries to regain his composure.

"Touchin', but nah. It's y'all's day. It's not my place to interrupt."

"You wouldn't be-!" A ringtone goes off in the middle of her sentence. Girlfriend pauses, taking her phone out as her smile vanishes. "Oh, just a minute." She leaves the table quickly as she answers her phone with a faint, "Hi, Daddy..."

"Hm." They watch her go outside before Pico turns back to Boyfriend. "I hope you have somethin' really good planned for tonight."

"Well, I don't have anything planned, per se-"

"Oh for fuck's sake-"

"But! Movie night is gonna be a thing! Or, was." Boyfriend frowns, not liking how it was her dad who called her. Knowing him, he could be asking her to come home earlier than planned, ruining their romantic movie night. "I was gonna play it by ear, y'know, in case something like that happens."

"Fair." Pico crosses his arms and fixes Boyfriend with a stare. "So how are you gonna save this night then?"

"Dunno yet." Boyfriend bites his lip and scratches at the table. "Like I said, I don't have much planned, so like..." His eyes wander over to the stage. A keyboard is the only instrument present on the stage alongside the stereos. He blinks slowly at the sight of it, a hum low in his throat.

"What? Ya suddenly got an idea?" Pico follows his gaze and whistles low. "Gonna sing a love song?"

"What? No." A pause. "Maybe. I dunno."

"You dunno?"

"I don't really have a song lined up." But it would be perfect. She loves it when he sings. Or raps. Or does anything really. And she did seem a little disappointed when she found out that there wasn't going to be a show tonight...

"You're a rapper," Pico supplies easily. "Just freestyle."

"But I don't have any beats." Which is true, unless he gets some help. His eyes wander up to meet Pico's gaze. "...Can I ask a favor?"

"Shoot."

"You still beatbox?"

And Pico smirks. "Only if ya got a plan."

Boyfriend looks around the bar, his eyes landing on the Spooky Boys and Cassette Girl. Music flows behind his eyes as he maps out the beats and flows on the spot. Fingers tap out the rhythm he wants to follow, and Pico taps his foot in tandem. "I think," he says, watching as Girlfriend comes back into the bar with a gloomy look on her face, "I've got a plan."

Pico leans forward, and Boyfriend quickly whispers it to him before shooing the ginger away. When Girlfriend takes her seat, Boyfriend takes it upon himself to buy some time for Pico as he keeps Girlfriend's attention on him.

"Something up?"

"Oh, it's just Daddy." Her frown deepens, and Boyfriend can feel his heart drop from the sight. She shouldn't be unhappy on their anniversary - of course her dad would ruin things for her. "He wants me to come home early, says he doesn't want me to stay over too late since he doesn't trust you to keep your hands to yourself."

"Tch. Your old man needs to lay off." From the corner of his eye, he sees Cassette Girl wander to some backroom, only to reappear with a few more coworkers as one of them takes over her position by the podium. Pico follows her next, helping her set up a couple of mics as she tests out the keyboard. The noises catch the attention of the patrons, including Girlfriend as she turns in interest at the ruckus.

"What's going on? Oh, is there a show happening after all?" A small smile forms on her lips as she watches the prep. "I wonder who they managed to get!"

"Yeah, I wonder." Boyfriend lets her watch them for a second longer before taking her attention again. "So how long can you stay out?"

"Mmm, at most, maybe an hour? Daddy's imps will come and pick me up, regardless of where I am." She puffs her cheeks out, which would normally be cute if she wasn't so distressed. "Mommy was okay with me spending the night! But Daddy won't even let me stay before midnight, so that ruins movie night..."

"Hey, don't worry about it. We can always have movie night whenever." He reaches over and takes her hand, giving it a firm, comforting squeeze.

"But today was supposed to be our day." She frowns again, holding onto his hand as she sighs softly. "We were supposed to have a nice night doing whatever we wanted. And now that's going to be ruined because my dad is being... himself again."

Random beats start playing. It takes them both by surprise as they turn around to see Pico messing with... some kind of pad? Is that a launchpad? Cassette Girl shakes her head and points to some buttons before Pico nods and- ah. So he didn't steal it from someone. Clearly, it was Cassette Girl's own device.

"What are they doing?" Girlfriend watches with more interest as the two kids clamber onto the stage, Pico talking to them softly as they nod along to whatever he's saying excitedly. He wags his finger like a metronome, and the boys both follow its movement before nodding furiously as he grins and pats the tops of their heads. As Pico looks up from the boys, he meets Boyfriend's gaze and gives a small nod before standing up.

"They're getting a show ready for you." Boyfriend grins when Girlfriend looks over to him bewildered.

"What do you mean, for me?"

"Heeeellloooo, everyone!" Cassette Girl speaks into the microphone with her familiar drawl, getting the patrons to quiet down as they watch with rapt attention. "Now, as you know, our booked gig for tonight ended up cancelling, but at the very last minute, we managed to snag another performer instead! You may be familiar with his bright blue hair and obnoxious voice," a rumble of laughter rolls through the crowd, but he takes it all in stride as he waits for the intro to end, "but he's gotten pretty famous throughout these parts for his amazing freestyle rap! Dedicated to his lovely Girlfriend of one year, we have Mr. Boyfriend, here to perform for one night only!"

"Boyfriend?!" Girlfriend's eyes widen in excitement as he stands from his seat, grinning confidently as he winks to her. It's not often he gets to perform for the sake of performing, so he wants to make this the best performance she's ever seen.

"You better give this girl a helluva anniversary."

As if he wasn't.

He takes the offered microphone from Cassette Girl as she takes her place behind the keyboard.

"Heya, folks!" He waves out to the crowd as the people who recognize him from his many rap battles cheer him on. Girlfriend cheers from the crowd, for once enjoying the show as just a normal person, instead of being in the thick of it. "Like Cassey said, this show is dedicated to my Girlfriend. I started this whole career for her, and if it weren't for her, I never would have found this flow in my life. I love her more than any song can convey, so I hope a show's worth of songs can get the message along. Now are you ready to get funkin' lit?!"

The crowd erupts into cheers as Girlfriend stands and cheers the loudest, her smile wide and bright as she pumps her fist in the air. They wait for the crowd to calm down before Pico starts his beatboxing. The beat begins slow, the notes sounding familiar as recognition settles on Girlfriend's features.

"Yo," he begins, holding the microphone close to his lips as he gets into the beat, "it's the remix." Pico's beatboxing continues before Cassette Girl joins in with her keyboard. The beat plays from the launchpad as the beatboxing ends, and that's his cue to start rapping.

"Don't look complacent, wearin' those rags, you ain't adjacent. Lookie, I'm fly, and you look basic. Look in her eyes, and I feel like takin' it for the win." He meets Girlfriend's gaze with a grin as he waves his hand back and forth, pumping the crowd up as he continues to rap.

"Her dad be evil, no twin. Skin purp' like the Sprite, sippin'. He open his yap and you wouldn't believe it's the sound of an angel when he spittin'." At Pico's cue, Skid and Pump join in with a chant of, "Go man go! Go man go!" They keep it up as Boyfriend continues to rap, the energy high and exciting as he performs for fun.

"Even though he look like a demon, hold my blue nuts as I battle for the takin'. Of this girl, I just wanna hold her hand. Look in our DM's and it's like candy land." Boyfriend kneels on the stage and gestures for Girlfriend to come closer. Without missing a beat, Girlfriend makes her way over, her head bobbing in time to the rhythm as she smiles blissfully.

"Yo, I really can't bust when her evil ass dad tryna make my ass be grass. So I got one shot, learned to spit real hot, and it might just go like this." As he takes her hand, he pulls her onto the stage and the Spooky Boys go quiet for his next lines.

"I don't mean no disrespect, but there's something about her I can't let go. Baby, you know that I love you, even though my balls are blue." The joke gets a giggle from Girlfriend, and it takes all his willpower not to stop rapping just to kiss her right there.

"I want to spend my life with her, even if her dad is evil or some shit. Now spit it like this: we gettin' freaky on a Friday night, chyeah!" The crowd goes wild as he scoops Girlfriend up in one arm, cradling her against his body as he continues to rap. Her arms wrap around his neck as she leans against him, warm and happy in his embrace.

As she should be.

The Spooky Boys return with the chant, pumping the crowd up some more as they cheer loudly with the rap.

"I just want to hold her tight, chyeah! Her hair, her eyes, her thighs, yeah. If I die, it'll all be worth it. Just to get a chance to show she's worth it!" He sways with the beat, watching as the crowd gets into the performance. Besides him, Cassette Girl is grinning, nodding her head to the beat as she plays the mellow tunes on her keyboard. Pico meanwhile focuses his attention alternating between beatboxing and playing the right beats on the launchpad, all while paying attention to the song and directing when the boys start and end their chant. Despite the amount of tasks on his shoulders, he holds himself high and proud, enjoying himself with a smile as he moves with the beat. Even the kids are enjoying themselves, bouncing on the spot and watching Pico intently for his cues. A part of Boyfriend wonders if they're even paying attention to the lyrics or if they're too engrossed in the beats and sounds coming from the keyboard and launchpad to even care.

Not that it matters.

All that matters is that they're all having fun . He looks out into the crowd and sees smile upon smile as they're all enjoying themselves to the music. This. This is what performing is all about. The energy, the enjoyment, everyone losing themselves to the music and forgetting their woes and worries for even just a minute-

That's what makes it all so worth it.

He raps the chorus one last time before letting the beat peter out, Pico ending the song with his beatboxing increasing in tempo before ending it abruptly. The crowd continues their cheers as Boyfriend yells into his microphone.

"You guys ready for more?!"

There's no doubt in his mind that he will absolutely be banned from the bar after this show, just with how rowdy the crowd is getting. But it's all worth it in the end as he nods to his friends to play whatever beat that comes to mind. He'll come up with the lyrics on the fly, all of them dedicated to Girlfriend as he sets her down and holds her tight to his side as they sway together.

He doesn't know how long they go for. All the hype and excitement pushes him to continue, and when he looks over to see if Pico or Cassette Girl or even the boys look just a little tired, he's surprised to see them too excited to even consider taking a break. The night is filled with raps filled with jokes and love as the clock finally strikes ten.

Time to end the show.

"Alriiiight, everyone!" Cassette Girl takes the microphone back from Boyfriend, panting slightly as she gestures to the crowd that grew during the performance. "Unfortunately, that's it for this show! Thanks for watching, hope you enjoyed your meals, and please, come back again when we host another gig or open mic!" The crowd applauds as they all bow. Cassette Girl pats his shoulder with a grin and turns back to help Pico clean up. Girlfriend clings to his side, giggling and burying her face against his neck.

"Ohhh, that was so much fun!" Her giddiness makes him laugh as he hugs her tight, covering her face in kisses as he breathes for the first time since the performance began.

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Are you kidding?!" She laughs and picks him up, twirling them together in a circle before cuddling him midair. "That was the most fun I've had in ages!"

"I'm glad," he admits, relief washing over him that their night was a success after all. "Sucks we didn't finish our dinners though."

"I can get boxes for them." Pico shows up next to them, both kids curled up in his arms as they cling to him. "Or, uh, I can get Cass to get 'em for ya."

"Aww, are they tired?" Girlfriend sets Boyfriend down to take a look at the kids. "They did a really good job tonight!" Skid lifts his head up, a tired but bright smile on his face as he giggles.

"That was fun! I wanna do it again, Mr. Pico!"

"I'll think about it. Remember what we promised before the show?"

"No repeating the bad words around mom," both boys respond, although Pump's words are muffled against Pico's shirt. He chuckles and nods towards the couple.

"I gotta get these kids home. You guys get some rest too."

"We will." Boyfriend stretches, feeling worn out from the show.

"See ya."

"Bye, Pico!" Girlfriend waves as Pico walks off, the two kids waving from Pico's arms. "He really is good with kids, even if he won't admit it."

"He's always been protective of them." They both hum, the thought sobering them a bit as they watch the ginger disappear in the crowd. "We should visit him later and make sure he's okay too."

"Sounds like a plan." Girlfriend smiles and takes his hand, swinging their arms between them. A waitress comes by quickly, helping them pack their barely eaten dinners and shooing them out of the bar. As they leave, Boyfriend passes by Server-chan, her expression still looking exhausted as their eyes meet. But despite this, she smiles when she sees him, and he hopes she had fun too during his show.

He and Girlfriend walk for about five minutes before a limo pulls up beside them. She sighs and turns to hug him tight, her face buried in his shoulder before she kisses him softly.

"Thanks for the lovely night," she whispers, soft and tender as the warmth from her cheek seeps through his shirt. "It really was the best night of my life."

"I'm glad then," he whispers back, pressing a kiss to her temple. "'Cause I'm gonna make sure I make every night the best night of your life from now on."

She giggles, pulling herself away reluctantly before climbing into the limo. He watches as it drives away into the night, leaving him alone.

The night air is cold and brisk, but he finds himself warm regardless. A smile wide and bright on his face as he stuffs his hands into his pockets, a tune coming out in the form of a whistle as he walks home.

What a night to remember.

19 notes · View notes

rosyk · 3 years

Text

Deja vu

pairing: bang chan x reader, (a bit of han jisung x reader)

genre: heavy angst, passion, romance, one-sided love, bestfriends, long distance relationship

warnings: light curses, death, depression, mentions of alcohol and drugs, family problems, mentions of forced sexual activity, insecurities, anxiety, etc. (Its quite detailed in the first part and could trigger some people in these type and if you are one of them, I advice you not to read. It can really be uncomfortable on the first part)

word count: 11.5k

inspiration: Before We Knew It ch. 36-38 (webtoon), White Flowers- Olivia Rodrigo (unreleased song)

a/n: This is the least fic I loved but I had to continue it to start a new one and i won’t ever write things as long as this (it’s hard) lol. I don’t know who’ll ever read this long and cringey story but I hope it’s worth your time (?)

If I were to describe a man I’d love to marry someday, it would be someone tall, doesn’t openly show their true feelings towards me, and leads me in life. However, you were the exact opposite of it.

I didn’t even know when and why I fell in love with you. Was it at first sight? No. Was it because someone told me about my indistinguishable feelings for you? No. It was like how love was portrayed in novels and books. I just knew it. Instead of leading my life, you made me, myself, want to lead and search for my future. After you happily talked about your passion for music, you made me feel as if you were the right one. It made me think, “Maybe I do want to be with him until the end of life”. I believe something great would occur and I want to be there when that happens. When the music he produces, raps he created, genres he invented, and when his voice reaches the world, I want to be on his side and be proud I was able to witness all of that. You were everything in times I was the “nothing”.

I truly wished to be a singer right from the start. My dream was unaccepted by my family because the job isn’t as stable as it seems. I had to study medicine since then. Therefore seeing you was like seeing how I could’ve been. I stopped my passion but you made me pursue the unpursued, break off the imaginary limits I had created in my mind. I developed a fear of having to try again. I never sang after years and tried to let go of my past. But you? You lifted me away from the cage of darkness I trapped myself in. My anxiety was too deep to the point I was afraid of people, nightmares, thoughts, happiness, living, being alone, home, and simply just everything.

Even I was scared of myself.

Then I knew this is the worst a person could be. It isn’t when someone takes drugs, drinks alcohol, or flees away from home. It is when he or she no longer wants to take a step forward. I was frightened by the idea of love but also the idea of being alone. I was terrified to open up when the people closest to me never understood but was scared when I keep everything to myself too much up until I’m tired. I feared death the most, how much more if I was living? I remember cutting myself in bed when I overheard my parents fighting because of my presence. I was shaking, desperately trying to suppress my weeping. Was I sad because I didn’t have good childhood memories I could reminisce? Or was I happy for myself because that was the bravest thing I did? I was too young to understand what I truly felt but I didn’t regret a single thing.

I know the difference between wrong and right but why can’t I tell when it comes to situations that involve me? Is it wrong to think it would’ve been best if I was sleeping forever, in a depth of endless time even though I know I should live for a purpose I couldn’t find or for people who don’t care? But is it also right to live and hope miserably someone out there would find and help me even though it means staying and coping with the pain? Whenever I make a decision, I could hear trapped voices rambling in my head, time ticking as fast as my heartbeat, my soul pressuring me, and my mind that creates negative scenarios which cause me to step back before even having the chance to run. In general, I’ve had to overthink my overthinking.

I also have the habit of blaming myself. As deeper as it goes, it became my lifestyle then. I blamed myself for playing the victim as if I was the only one hurting amidst the world. I blamed myself for crying when I had no right because I gave people terrible occurrences. I blamed myself for the inability to be brave and commit what I feared the most. I also blamed myself for silently not crying loud enough to the point that my facade turned out stronger.

Looking back, I was a total mess in which I couldn’t even call myself human. My only best friends were the mirror and my own shadow. I was 10 so I appreciated how the mirror felt the same feelings as mine. It doesn’t laugh when I cry even though the creatures surrounding me do. But for the same reason, I hated it. It reflects my despair, how horrible I looked causing me to despise it the most. My shadow on the other hand makes me feel I’m not alone at the end of the day. But I also despised it the moment my mom locked me up in my room, isolating me in darkness to forget all the traumas I had given her. Because even the shadow disappears in my darkest hours. And just like friends, it all just ended. I no longer want to feel love if love was meant to hurt.

Years of living in hell passed by, until you came.

“You okay?”

I was crying at the staircase in the nearest tunnel found at school. I was a 16-year-old who tried to break away from my dad’s drunken behavior. Running away was another brave thing I did but it was because the thought of him doing me was scary enough.

It was embarrassing to let you see me like this but surprise was the first reaction I had. No one ever dared to approach me because of my low status and the suspicious silence that I give. Questions filled my head as to why you bothered talking to me. Were the rumors unbelievable enough?

“I am new here but I haven’t seen you a lot in school. Are you the same as I am?”

So he’s a transferee. Honestly speaking, I was discouraged. It’s clear that he would slowly stop approaching me as soon as he knew the rumors. You introduced yourself and asked for my name. I gave you a silent treatment causing you to face my direction. We stared at each other for minutes. You finally gave up and sat beside me as I turned my gaze back at the people playing in the park, sighing heavily.

“Would you like to hear my life?” You look at me, expecting something. I turned back at you, both eyebrows raised. You showed your smile, with those little cute dimples on each side to get away from the awkward atmosphere. Trust me when I tell you that was the brightest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life. Maybe you did show me the colors I didn’t know I needed in my life.

“Oh… I guess you don’t then? I mean why would you be interested right?” You laughed yourself off but as usual, expected some remarks from me. My eyes panicked as I shook my head quickly from side to side. My eyebrows creased as I bit my lip, hoping you understood what I meant.

“So you do want to hear it?” I shook my head up and down as an approval of your question. Unnoticeably, it was the first time I felt eager especially when it comes to humans.

“Isn’t it annoying though?” I got the hint you wanted to tease me considering your giggles but I was too caught up in assumptions that you wouldn’t continue your storytelling. Thus, I did the same thing, turning my head from side to side, trying to convince you that I desperately want to know what happens in the lives of some.

“Cute” you mumbled to yourself but I was able to hear the word that came out from you. You patted my head casually as you started to talk about your life. I grew slightly embarrassed, curling myself, holding my knees, and acted as if I didn’t hear anything.

You were transparently open in talking to the point that I finally knew what “precious” actually meant. Although it was for a moment I knew it would stop soon, you definitely saved me from all I felt.

There I knew how our lives were exact opposites. If I felt everything, the happiness, and sadness, contrasting feelings I couldn’t comprehend, you on the other hand felt nothing. As soon as your dearest brother got into an accident, you didn’t know what to do. If I had abusive and malicious parents, you had no one to be with. I couldn’t even imagine what would happen If I lived your life.

I knew I was bad for thinking of such a way but I took advantage of your life. It made me feel relieved that there were people who faced the worst monsters than I have inside me. It made me look at the positive side of mines.

Much especially when I didn’t expect it would be you. My first impression of you was this carefree pure guy who had no problems in living his life. Little did I know, you were waking up feeling nothing, smiling with no joy, cries without letting out the pain, and laughs despite the numbness and burden that weighs in your heart. I guess we can’t judge people by the way they appear. We never know how much tears they’ve shed every night.

You summarized and wrapped things up. You asked for my name one last time before leaving. But there I was, hung my head low and sniffles could be heard. You looked in confusion as I tried to cover my face. A surprise was evident in your reaction and it was obvious due to your stuttering. You tried to ask what happened but instead hugged me unconsciously.

That was the first time I’ve ever felt warmth. I was born a mistake so even my parents couldn’t give me this kind of comfort. I cried worse as I had thought of it. The idea of a stranger giving me a better meaning of how home felt like than a family does, who wouldn’t tear up after that?

I don’t want to be ahead of time. But hope filled my mind. Maybe I could find more people like him. Maybe someone out there could notice my emotions. Maybe someone could act as my light. Maybe someone does care about my wellbeing. Out of a huge percentage of people living on Earth, there should be one who could at least meet and save me right? I know I settled in all “maybes” but it was much better than having none.

Recalling the series of events, I was a total problem. Yet you were always there for me no matter how heavy of a burden I am. You were the one who believed in me when I couldn’t, picked me up when I was drowning in a wave of traumas and worries, and lightened my deep void. You were my first and swore you’ll be my last, who broke my past and created my unknown beginning. I hated risks but whenever you are involved, I for sure know it is worth it no matter how many needles it may pain me. It had been years before noticing how much you mean to me I may be late, but would never get tired of this. I will listen and enjoy our memories until the end. You will, for eternal love, be my last song in my only playlist.

Although it’s true we never believed in love since the beginning. But all we do know is that we’d like to spend our whole lives together. It’s as if we were bound by the heavens to meet and help one another. With all that’s happening, I would like to assume that this is love people were talking about. Who knew it could be this powerful to change someone?

[CHAN’S POV]

And what happened to the “messy innocent girl who was stained by reality?” She became an unrecognizable teen, as pure as ever. In the past, I wasn’t able to feel the emotions most do but look at me now, smiling every time I see you do. Even though I’ve never felt heavy feelings, these light ones are taking a toll on me whenever you call my name.

We had arguments but never had any misunderstandings. This is all because no matter what I say, you are always by my side. I could tell you day by day how much you mean the world to me, my downfalls, and everything unnecessary but you’d still listen to it with no regrets.

Right now, we’re meeting up for a “little date” as you mentioned. I was going to decline because there had been many requirements in class but you seemed too interested that I didn’t want to break it to you.

I was wearing my usual hoodie sweater with baggy pants and ordered for both of us. After all, you would always choose chocolate whipped shakes over anything. You seemed to take too long so I decided to work on some demands given. I turned on my laptop and opened the application as I placed the headphones on my ear, silencing the noise in my surroundings.

Now all I can hear is my heartbeat pounding and swallowing as my throat started to dry. The loading symbol appeared on my screen and I hoped it would stay like that forever. I hoped it would crash and tried to find more excuses for me not to use it.

I was consistently looking at the time shown on the panel below the main screen. The blue circular sign still turns and turns as I see it from my peripheral vision. 3:31, 3:32, 3:33, the minutes kept moving and hands that are now shaking because I assumed this would be the worst nightmare that could happen. But no, cause “worst nightmare” is an understatement when we are referring to this. It would’ve been better as a nightmare because I could wake up from this traumatic moment. I was focused on my screen that I hadn’t noticed the calling in my front.

“Channie?... Chris?.... Christopher?... Mr.Bang Chan?.. Chan!”

[Y/N’S POV]

He finally noticed me as soon as I tapped on his shoulders. He flinched and looked at me in horror. It creeped me out but it took seconds before he could pull his eyes away from mine. He bit his lips and I noticed him covering his hands. The staff called out a number which I believe was from our table considering the way he closed his laptop.

“I’m getting that” You forced a little smile as you made way to the counter

I smiled at the thought of our “date” but seeing you sweating and nervously fidgeting your fingers to avoid them from shaking bothers me. Did something happen before you came? Why was he that nervous? Thoughts bombarded my mind, but you coming back with my favorite drink and snacks, looking all-smiley, tells me as if you noticed my discomfort so you tried cheering me up. You sat down in front of me and got rid of your problems. As usual, this guy notices even the littlest gestures I make.

“Did you wait too long?” I asked you with enthusiasm because our little date has now started. The idea non-stop makes my whole day

“No, I just arrived before you did.” You respond with a genuine smile despite the clear lie you just gave. You stroked my hair as you looked at me lovingly

“Oh, I just passed by that bakery we talked about a year ago…..” I started chatting about our fond memories that remain vivid in my head.

It took several hours of talking and enjoying our time together. We also watched that Philippine movie starring two exes who broke up and lived in one house, but being an emotional wreck, it took 30 mins of you trying to comfort me as I cry ugly. Of course, you didn’t miss an opportunity to laugh at me and even took a video. Teasing me and showing my picture as your wallpaper, made me playfully angry.

We also enjoyed visiting the same tunnel where we met. The nostalgia is present. The moon is shining and I can’t help but smile looking at you.

[CHANS POV]

You look beautiful under the moon if I must say. I wanted to show the magnificent view because it reminds me of you whenever I see it up above. You were my only light when my days in the past were too dark.

We continued strolling around, counting the streetlights that passed by and talked about a lot of things. Until you decided to speak up-

“About…. the thing that happened earlier?” You looked up to me, but your eyes soon started moving away from mines. You were held on with the anxiety of trying to speak up whenever it had come to my personal life. I don’t know whether it was the trauma you’ve stumbled upon when you asked about my father or it’s just due to your manners. Nonetheless, if it was indeed your trauma, I’ve felt guilty about it and wanted to reassure you I won’t hurt you ever again. “But if you don’t want to talk about it-“ I cut your sentence off.

“My father was a musician..” your eyes shined with glee in my response

“That’s cool!” You exclaimed but it soon faded into a frown after hearing me sigh. Tilting your head, you tried to calculate everything that’s wrong with it. I nervously fidgeted with my hands and knuckles, contemplating a decision that could change and even affect both of us.

“Everything’s wrong... He was into it, music took his mindset and life” I faced my head sideways and gulped without looking at your eye. The trauma, I’m finally telling my pent-up feelings after a lifetime keeping it to myself.

“He was so into composing music and started to forget about the reason he had started to do it. And by that-“ you cut off my sentence and started to nod a few times, pressing your lips together. You pointed your shaky finger at me and spoke softly.

“I think I know where this is going.” You looked at me in disbelief but all I could do is look at you with concern and guilt, asking for forgiveness. “Is this why you didn’t want to love again even after all these years?” Your eyes that shined stars a moment ago, turned into sun at night. It wasn’t raging darkness, but plain agony.

“Can you blame me? I know I love music, I’ve told you that on repeat for years. Is love what I need when that was the cause of everything?”

You didn’t take one glance at me and started walking faster. You were trying to leave me behind but I was quick to grab your hand.

“Please, let’s not act like this. It’s starting to get..” I was trying to think of a less harsh word because things get complicated day by day. And here I thought this date would be an exception. “Childish. Okay? I don’t get why you’re so out of place and it’s like-“

“So now I’m the one getting childish here?” You turned around and faced me, finally. Though it wasn’t any relieving as I expected. You were having tears stuck in your eyes, ready to fall at anytime yet you don’t want to cry in front of me. Are we going to keep this up? I was about to talk but no words came out of me. Until you decided to continue your sentence.

“You knew about this all the time, right? You knew how I was starting to fall for you and yet you continued our relationship without feeling love?” You bit your lips as your eyebrows creased. Trying to push me away, but all I could do was hold you tighter. “I know how trauma feels like. I’ve been there, we’ve been there. But you could’ve told me sooner at least so I’m not the only one looking like a whole fucking fool here, Christopher.” You tried to get away from my hold and yes, you did. Though as I tried to grab your hand once again, you took a step backward and placed your hands up in the air as a sign of surrender. “Call me sensitive but for God’s sake! How could you get me all wrapped up in your finger for the past years and call it something that isn’t attachment nor love? What was I to you then?” It took seconds for me to get the gist of what you’re trying to say and I did understand but I couldn’t answer that simple question.

Because now that I think of it, was I awful to hesitate who you were in my life? Was those years nothing for me then? I want to protect you until the end and I wanted to see you happy but I’m pretty sure I felt this for some of my friends as well. Did I just get into a relationship whilst thinking of my significant other as a friend? Is it called using someone? Taking advantage to make my life better? I know what’s right and what’s wrong. But I don’t know which is which. Getting into a relationship is a risky choice and I don’t want to hurt anybody in between. Because I know that’s what’s wrong. Using others for my need of affection and love is wrong as well. But is this exactly what I’m doing? I don’t know...As things grow, it just gets complicated to the point that I couldn’t even comprehend situations.

“I thought so” you continued, and those words crushed my heart. I didn’t notice the time we’ve been arguing, though technically it’s just you who was able to speak, that we’ve already reached your house. You opened the tiny gate in front of your house and I know what’s going to happen sooner later.

“Maybe, you need time to think about it alright? I don’t think I can keep up with a relationship like this if it’s too one-sided. But don’t worry I’ll wait. Even though what I want may not come,” you chuckled but the sigh was still evident. “I’ll wait for you.” You smiled, but it isn’t the one you’ve always shown me. I was the reason for your happiness but also the reason for your pain. How tragic must have been that sound.

You went your way to the door and closed it. I knew you were crying as I heard little sniffles but never looked my way. Closing the door, that was the last time I had ever seen you. With no goodbye kisses and hugs, you left feeling the ache you didn’t deserve.

[YOUR POV]

It was supposed to be “taking a break”, but considering this, I should’ve accepted it as a break-up. You never took time texting me after the whole 4 months. I guess I was no one in your life. But even though I was still hurt, I regretted spatting out things as if it was your fault. You always get guilty over things and I know it was all just because you had a hard time reciprocating your feelings because of the lack of love you’ve felt. I should’ve understood that part but being the sensitive me, I was unmindful. I’ve also never seen you walk past the corridors nowadays, so it’s basically been also the same 4 months of actually not seeing you as well. You really bothered trying to get out of my life.

I groaned as I sat up in the bed. It was around 8:30 and I’m like 1 hour and 30 mins late? Not that I’m bothered by it since I’ve gotten used to it. It’s not like our teacher is there by the time I arrive.

-SCHOOL-

“Outside, now” was the first and last thing I’ve heard as I entered my classroom. And here I thought the teacher wasn’t present. Not only did I embarrass myself in front of my classmates, but I’d also have to stand holding a chair, outside the classroom for lower and higher-ups students to see. Awful, and my reputation is broken. Well, not that I had any significant reputation in the first place but come on, you know how hard it was to see students bickering while looking at you.

I heard the door click open and I hoped it was the teacher who finally would let me in. It turned out to be another classmate of mines which I thought was unnecessary. But as I looked back up and noticed his eyes, a sense of familiarity came unto me.

“Han?” My eyes widened at the sight in front of me. I’m not expecting people to be perfect but our class president was the last person I expected to be scolded by our teacher. “Weren’t you inside the classroom way before me?”

“I cursed.” The guy spoke shortly and lifted the chair just like the same punishment I’ve been doing. I blinked my eyes twice but understood nothing.

“Pardon?” I replied in a high tone as if I was questioning what he was trying to say. Cursed? Is he out of his mind, trying to curse in front of the teacher? Besides, he had always been this quiet kid, but girls still tend to simp over. The latter though is out of my knowledge.

“What did you say?” I leaned in as you jolted quite a bit. Reacting to the sudden flinch, I assumed it was bold of me to do so and it scared you. But looking straight at you, pink tints were found on the side of the cheeks. It was light and definitely cute.

“F-fuck” he faced me with eyebrows creased and hesitated in replying. It was so short and awkward whenever he’d say it or maybe it’s also due to his stuttering. The thought was so out of the place and even I, who is quite free doesn’t curse in front of the teacher for no reason so why would someone who tries to stay low, would curse? But the way you told me the “forbidden” word made me laugh out loud.

“You’re funny, Mr. class president” I replied after a silent 2 minutes and laughed while hitting him lightly. Little amounts of liquids were falling down my deep brown eyes as I tried to regain my breathing. He’s awkward and that’s what makes it funny. I like him.

I wiped off my tears and stared at you. My laughs slowly died down after seeing your confusing expression. I don’t know whether your eyes held a safe haven or a place I was indulged in and forgot about the point that everything was complicated in between. Whether staring at you was comfortable or confusing. All I know is that I was distracted by the genuine smile you gave. It was little but I knew it was a smile after seeing cute dimples on the side of your lips. Now that I think of it, I haven’t ever seen the president smile.

You noticed my pause and coughed, trying to clear out the tension. The usual demeanor was back. Was everything just an illusion then?

“Anyways, I don’t know about you but I’m gonna have to go. Don’t want stay here standing when time’s already up” you lazily said as you pressed your lips together, leaving me speechless all alone. Raising your hand, you waved back at me while walking away and didn’t even take time to look back.

That was weird. Or was I the only one weird? True, I’ve never seen him around that much but I’ve painted the guy as someone responsible considering the works he finished even after given such a small time. He was indeed open-minded but wasn’t out-spoken or friendly. Work is work and he has to make sure he aces his tests for his reputation to not tarnish even one bit, that’s all that matters to him. He was never used to smiling so he doesn’t do it as much, at least that’s what I’ve heard. I’m guessing it must be my imagination.

/LUNCHTIME/

Guess what? It’s already lunchtime and I haven’t learned a single bit of information from my teacher’s discussion. Shrugging all my homework, projects, quizzes, oral recitations, and performances that are all due this afternoon, I walked out of the classroom.

But before I did so, I found a familiar guy in my peripheral vision. Trying to confirm whether it was him, I turned and called his name out.

“Mr. president?”

The same awkward and serious guy turned around, raising his right brow. You were confused at first about who would call you with no respect, but hummed in surprise as a response.

“It’s Han for you... and for everyone” trying to continue the work you’ve been doing for our school camp which is totally several months later. What’s the rush?

“Drop the formalities! Besides, I like Mr. president way better.” I smiled and tilted my head then flipped my hair. I was a whole smug for thinking my naming sense was the best thing about me.

“Like, like?”

The same vibe always comes up whenever I’m talking to you and I don’t know why. How is it so hard to interact with smart ones? I feel like their language is different and I couldn’t even comprehend what this guy is trying to say.

“like?”

“You like mr. president. That’s what you said”

And that’s how it struck me. Looking back on everything, it seems pretty weird. (I like Mr. President way better) rings all throughout my head. I know he’s been surrounded by girls who have a crush on him but surely he doesn’t think of this as a low-key confession, right?

Please, I didn’t deserve any of this awkward tension. I did walk up to him first but blame my curiosity for wondering what he’s doing in his free time, does he always go to the library whenever, or what do the lifestyle elites like him actually have? Maybe, I did just want a friend but who knew it would be this complicated. Wrong choice.

“The names you provide for people are so dull” you faked a yawn to show how uninterested you are.

I laughed out and tried to hide the embarrassment I’ve felt inside. He meant the name of course! What was I thinking? He quickly got up and proceeded to leave the classroom as if he understood what I wanted to do. He catches up with things fast if I must say. But the feeling didn’t subside in me and I tried to cover up my face with my hands as soon as he left. Heaving a deep sigh, I reassured myself and followed him.

-CAFETERIA-

“This is all they’ve got?”

It’s been a second we’ve entered the school cafeteria and yet this elite beside me was already complaining. We sat down on the white benches and I was also relieved the cafeteria doesn’t have many students since our class ended earlier than the desired time.

“You’ll get used to it. Besides, what do you commonly eat for lunch? This is good.” I replied and waited for a response that never came back. I’m thinking it was a wall I’m talking to. You ate the soup and showed a face of disgust. Of course, I don’t give up.

“Do you have different cafeterias?” “Or do you eat in your respective rooms?” “Do you actually eat? cause you looked really busy with the requirements.” “Being a class president is that hard huh? I don’t think I’ve seen anyone as hard-working as you even if they have high titles.” “You know if I was the class-“

“Why do you ask so many questions? Geez” you swept your hair and sighed. You felt tired talking to someone as chatty as me but all I could do is playfully pout and raise both my eyebrows up. Shrugging, I respond.

“Why not?”

You glared at me but I wasn’t taken aback by it so you decided to reply, finally. “The real question is, why?” you tried to peacefully eat and finished it quickly so you could go to the library, I suppose. It was going smoothly until my small brain with low grammar or structure skills decided to pop up the least moment I wanted it to.

“Because I’m interested in you.”

Choking was all I could hear after I simply stated. Panicking, I gave you my water unknowingly and you drank it. I patted your back and stroked it gently.

“You okay?” I tried to calm you down but your face seemed to ask me whether you were okay even after everything was obvious.

“You mean you’d like to know about my lifestyle?” You analyzed my reaction as I tilted my head. I mean isn’t that clear? Your eyes seemed like you got the hang of me again and scoffed, rolling your eyes. Wow! Now, what’s up with this attitude?

“It’s common. Just some random New York steak.” My eyes widened and my ears couldn’t believe what they’re hearing. That’s common? Gosh, even my monthly allowance couldn’t afford to buy a whole steak, what more if it was specifically in New York? And the way he didn’t bother to flex about his lunchtime food and acts as if it’s unimportant.

“Enough about me, how about you?” I believe you were trying to ask for the sake of the conversation but it excites me anyway. I mean, an elite asking me about my life? It boosts my pride, internally laughing as I thought of the idea.

“What do you want to know about me?” Grinning, I eagerly waited for the question. How blessed I am to have an upper-class student to not just interact, but ask about me as well.

“What happened between you and Bang Chan?”

I’m taking it all back. I don’t want to hear any questions. I was wrong. By Bang Chan, I knew straight away he was referring to Chris. The mentioned ex became an elite, or so I heard. I don’t know how, why, or when but that’s the only reason possible for him to know there was a thing between us. But unlike me, Mr. President wants to make sure of everything and not just the rumors he had heard.

“No.” I simply stated and continued to eat.

“Why not?”

“I should be the one asking you why”

“Because I’m interested in you”

I paused and was slightly surprised by the sudden declaration. Okay, my way of telling him made me look crazy. I looked up to him and saw a pair of teasing eyes. This is who mr. president is? Now it was my time to roll my eyes and I knew at that moment I had no escape.

“Exes. We’re exes.” I expected a startled expression from you but your lips curled downwards as if you expected it. How was it hard to read this guy’s mind though he immediately catches up on everything I’m feeling?

Days passed by and as usual, I was the one annoying you. At that very time, we became close because I knew you were a comfortable place for me to be in. You don’t judge unlike what others do each time I open up my problems especially when it comes to my relationship with an elite and Christopher, out of all. For sure, you were the right choice of friend I never knew I needed to rely on.

[YOUR JOURNAL]

Just a few days passed by and I hear lots of students whispering. What’s the occasion? I don’t even know myself yet I’ve brought a ring that matches mine. I’m naive but I always trust my instincts no matter what. As I try to recall the date and puts everything together in one piece from all the clues I’ve gotten.

A familiar man appeared in my sight. But he wasn’t mr. president. He was looking at me and I continued to look at those deep brown eyes I’ve longed to see after a long time. Was I prepared? No. Did I want to see him? I’m not sure so myself. But did I actually like that view? Indeed. My very first heartbreak or hiatus came back after months and to see he felt the same way I did. Did the moment I waited for all of my life would finally happen?

Each step you take, the more my anxiety rushes through me. I felt the shivers either because I was scared or it was the tears I’ve forced to stop from rolling down my cheeks. Or simply both, ignoring the fact that I was hurt yet I did want to see you after all. I wanted to walk away, but if I did then I’m making the same mistake twice. Therefore I stood still silent and only my heartbeat is the loudest out of all.

Closing my eyes, I expected strong grips around my wrist which marks it deep red because anger was the only thing present in the space between us. I didn’t take consideration of the things you’ve gone through but instead became selfish just because I’ve moved on from the past. I did tell you I would wait for you forever but all I gave you was the pressure of making you choose decisions at times you were having a hard time. Just because you made me learn the definition of love, doesn’t mean I could anticipate that you felt the same thing.

Quite on the contrary, I’ve felt warmth and comfort. The grip was truly strong, strong enough to hurt me emotionally and not physically unlike what I expected. The grip I’ve felt was hanging around me, a hug was given to me even when I didn’t deserve this.

“I’m sorry” that was what I’ve heard in the muffled and low volume of voice the man had spoken because he was on the verge of tears. I was supposed to be the one asking for an apology, yet this guy took it to heart once again. Typical Christopher.

“I missed you. I’ve realized I can’t do things without you. It’s been hard..” Your sentence cut the uncertainty I’ve felt. It came, he came. I cried my heart out after not breathing for a second. It would finally work out, after months of trying to ask for support from other people, you entered my life once again. And better? You loved me.

It was your graduation, and I’m glad to be there just like what we dreamed it to be. You may have left, but our romance never stopped.

Cliché right? Of course, that never happens in reality. What happens, is the point that we argue every day because of the long-distance relationship that serves as an obstacle in us. We don’t even know whose mistake it is but considering you, you’ve always been the one who let your pride down and ask for forgiveness. There are times it’s also been me because I realized that this guy doesn’t deserve more burdens in his life. Support is everything I could give.

“Everything working out?” I was astounded by the call Hanji decided to initiate first. He’s always been there for me when I had it rough. He cares for me though he doesn’t show it as much.

“I don’t know. I’ve rarely been receiving texts but he made sure to call me anytime soon. We’ve both been fighting against this. Thanks by the way” You sighed after I finished my sentence. I hoped my exhaustion wasn’t able to reach you but you knew straight away.

“What do you see in him? He is talented and ideal but do you think you both match up?“

It was good he called but hitting it directly at me and doubts our relationship? That’s what triggered and ticked me off. “I told you not to talk about this.” I firmly uttered.

“He doesn’t get the way you act, talk or even feel”

“I’m sorry? What do you mean by that?” It’s rare to see us quarrel because you didn’t want to reach that point and yet it’s you trying to get all complicated once again. Here I thought I got the hang of how you think. “He understands me more than anyone.”

“If he does then why didn’t he call by then?”

“He was busy. I repeated that to you more than thrice throughout the whole call. But if he wasn’t busy then he’d take a grasp of everything.”

“Was he? Because the last time I knew you had a rough day, crying all alone, he didn’t. The time I knew I had to cheer you up, he didn’t. The time I knew I needed to reassure you that no one’s ever going to leave you but stay by your side, even though you didn’t realize about it, he didn’t.”

3 seconds passed by before my voice was heard in the line.

“What does that have to do with all these?”

“I understand you but the guy you wanted to be with, doesn’t”

That was it, the final blow. Both were concerning, the whole sentence is. Starting from the conclusion you understood me up until the thought of me wanting a guy who doesn’t pick me up the way I assume couples needed. We had a relationship with Chris, but was it called a relationship with lots of things in between?

“I’m sorry. Slipped out. I was just irritated.” It was a first for you to apologize but my mind wandered to the part where you compared yourself to Christopher.

“What do you mean by you understanding me when he doesn’t?”

“I mean... If I did understand you, then I’m pretty sure a lot more boys out there would be a better match and would recognize your desire. They would be able to take care of you. You know I’m just.. worried.”

If it was the usual vibe, I would’ve laughed at that lame excuse. But thinking back, it’s hard for me to perceive the way you feel about me. I’ve heard rumors but ended up being nonchalant about it because mr. president having feelings? I chose to believe it wasn’t real especially when I’m already facing a hard time.

“good night.” You continued after the short silence. It was now you who was starting to get exhausted. You cut off the line quickly before I could even reply. Was the relationship between me and Chris wasn’t able to follow up fate? How innocent of me to think that true love comes so easily.

Days turned to months and I lost count of the weeks Chris has been gone by my side. He had never failed to text compared in the past, but I still yearned for his affection.

He seemed excited on the phone today and unknowingly called me 5 times and now a 6-

“Christopher, aren’t you busy?” I giggled as I heard him laugh. It made my day and filled up the void in me that was created because of the thought he isn’t able to be with me on my graduation day.

“I have duties... as your boyfriend” I playfully rolled my eyes without expecting a turn of events.

It was my final day in school and to think that I have to spend it alone because I had no friends, awful. Chris made my day though, so I wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. But the feeling of not seeing Hanji anymore still lingered in my mind. It was harsh but I had to accept it. We didn’t talk that much but undoubtedly, he was a good friend in times I need him.

Whilst looking around the stalls in the halls, I found him. He was talking to a guy seemingly the same age as ours and he looked so happy. But as his eyes met mines, was it just me, or did it die down? Maybe he doesn’t want to see me after all? His eyes traveled back to the sushi he ordered but sighed as I ran up to him.

“Mr. president?” The happy and annoying tone of calling him wasn’t present anymore. It was gloomy, hesitating if I should bother his hours or time. “Did I do something?” What happened to our closure? it flees away.

I saw you in the process of trying to smile a little and just hummed to let me know nothing’s wrong. But everything is. You ignored me and walked up to the classroom. I followed you, as I always do. I decided to speak up but you cut me off.

“I’m sorry if I did-“

“Are you still interested in me?”

You turned around and confronted my small figure. It hurts the way you try to smile in front of me but failed to do so. Usually, you always made me believe what you wanted me to. You’d say you’re fine, you’re happy, you’re not exhausted, but right now? I’m not buying it. I may not be able to read you that much, but you seemed too tired to the point that your magic of convincing me didn’t work.

“Interested..?”

“You said you were interested in how elite ones live. Now that you got the answer and your boyfriend is one, what am I there for?”

“You were there for me-“

“when he couldn’t be there”

You were being on and off, getting more complicated as time passes by. You don’t go straight to the point but instead, run circles until I have a hard time contemplating whether I’m the wrong one.

“What are you trying to imply?” I questioned

“I don’t need a quote that says don’t expect something in return”

“Return? After everything, we’ve been through? Our friendship? Was it all just nothing? How doesn’t that benefit you?”

“Because the more I give you your need, why do I have to receive pain instead?” Your voice was shaky and I can see you biting your lip, trying to suppress yourself from falling and breaking. “You wanted to know me because you were curious about my life. Now that you know of it, what do you want from me?”

“What do you mean what do I want? I want nothing from you. The bond that we’re tied in is enough for “

“Then who am I to you?”

“I told you, a friend.”

“My purpose in your life?”

“Lifting me up whenever I feel....down”

“So did you recognize how that sound like to you?”

Among both of us, I broke down first. Why am I being the one treated like the villain in this story taking advantage of people around me? Why am I the perceived the evil being in our friendship? Why does he want to make me feel guilty? I didn’t even know what the problem is yet, but I was already the bad one here. Call me clueless, but I couldn’t be blamed for something I don’t even know about. Quiet sobs filled in the silence and I could feel your sympathy filling the empty room.

“If ever..” in a low volume, you decided to speak “Why do you want to spend more time with me?” I looked up to you and wiped away all my tears if that’s possible.

A reason, that’s all I need to prove but no suggestions came up to my mind. Recollecting tragedies, was I the one who didn’t bother calling you when you didn’t do the same to me? Why didn’t I? You didn’t even pass my mind one single time in the past days. So why didn’t that happen? I appreciated him but when did things gradually just..stop?

Tears fell down yours as well but you didn’t want me to look at you in the eye. “You were supposed to say for more memories, you know? Like because I actually made you happy so you wanted me to appreciate our moments. Believe it or not, that’s what they say” you laughed to lift the air but I was still left dumbfounded after everything. How terrible of me, that thought echoes repeatedly.

Hours passed by and I wasn’t feeling it. The sun turned gloomy, the loud cheer of students turned to noise, the sky turned monochrome and the atmosphere turned dull. All I could do was ask Chris regarding it. All he could say is that he appreciated how Hanji backed off and didn’t want to complicate things more by telling me. Understanding none of it, what does he mean by didn’t want to complicate things more when our quarrel was? Wow, I really am this hopeless. Slow and unaware.

I was lost in thought that I late realized how I could hear vehicles in Chris as he was on call. Was he lying then? He mentioned he was staying in but why are there noises and people chattering? I was baffled hearing one of the familiar voices behind. One seemed to be the same as my classmate.

“Where are you? I thought you said you were in your home?”

“I am home.”

Clichè as it seemed, It all felt like a slow-motion in a fast-paced sequence of events. Firstly you were just talking to me but at the next second, you were personally doing it.

Holding your phone, I finally found the guy I’ve seen and lost on the same day in the past. But now? He’s here. Promising me that he won’t leave ever again. I knew I could trust these words no matter how repetitive they're going to be. Once you tell me it, I just know you’d be by my side no matter what until the end of the world.

You were looking the same as I remembered in the past and it’s played out like deja vu. You walking up to me and giving me a whole hug of comfort, as I cried in your arms.

“How about your-“

“I don’t want you to worry about it. I’ve chosen myself, with no additional pressure, to live with you.” You stroked my hair and patted my back.

“Live with me?”

“Don’t you want to?” I was delighted and surprised by the sudden decision. I wasn’t given enough time to think about it, not that I needed time anyway. I would always choose you over anything else.

It was the event and yes, I graduated with my boyfriend cheering me on and allowed me to soar high and fly, to start a new beginning.

[HAN POV]

It was good seeing you happy. Even if it was Bang Chan, I’m sure he is the only man that can make you smile like that.

But indeed, I was hurt. I was a book you wanted to read but as soon as you got ahold of the main idea, everything starts to get boring. Usually, you would never fail to not make me annoyed each day because as you always say, I cross your mind every time. When you were indulged in your relationship, I was forgotten.

It was all my mistake and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. I may not have any expectations of you loving me, but I had hopes and that’s what made me receive pain. If I hadn’t hoped you would be with me, hoping you forgot about him, hoped you could see I am just here waiting, hoped you could realize I can treat you better, then both of us wouldn’t get hurt. It’s my fault and I’m held accountable to live in regrets.

But even for a split second, I am happy that I am capable of distracting your worries and making your day better. I wasn’t thinking well in the argument a while ago but I did get the benefit. Seeing you happy, makes me happy. So letting you go is the best choice for both of us to receive joy. Scratch that, I don’t have the right to tell you I would let you go.

Because I never stood a chance did I?

[YOUR JOURNAL]

After graduating, I moved in with Christopher. He let me listen to some of the tracks he had created to stop me from bothering him all day.

The music he had composed was nothing personal and was based on people from different perspectives. I had never felt the same experience as well but something about the way he writes and produces brought me to tears. The pain and emptiness inside were well shown in the midst of harmonies. He was also a genius writer with well-structured sentences and livens up feelings in the words to make the listener feel as if he or she was the one narrating it. His father is a musician, but to think he would be able to express that much in songs just shows how deeply connected he is with music. He wasn’t motivated because he tries to stop himself from being like his father but it was a pity for him to stop something he is incredibly good at.

“You’re really something Christopher! Do you know that?” I hugged him from behind and heard his little laughs. “I think I’ve fallen for you all over again. But honestly, I knew you’d write and produce this good” I wore on a smug look as he asked while giggling because of the face I’m giving.

“How?”

“How about calling it an intuition from an expert music lover?” You playfully rolled your eyes in my response because you expected something more detailed. You urged me to explain it to you so you’d knew my opinion about the music and so I did.

“Your words are beautiful that it makes me believe anything you’ll say, Christopher” I smiled and kissed your cheek. I rested my head near your neck as we were sat on the bed, facing each other.

It was true. You made me feel different feelings and opened up a new perspective to move on from my past. You influenced me a variety of changing thoughts. I don’t like the idea of losing myself to someone because it forgets the real me. I don’t like the concept of being crazy in love with people because it doesn’t feel sweet somehow whenever the risk of it being one-sided and unable to move on is present. Not realizing that whenever the talk comes about you, it feels heavenly. I don’t know who I would be if I wasn’t yours but it all feels enchanting. Although you made me insecure, at the same time you made me laugh throughout the day. You were a gold rush. Perfect and gentle, to think that someone like me got you is like winning once in my entire life. Luck is rare but fate was there. By fate, it turned out you were destined to meet me and get me out of the hell hole, no one tried to do. By fate, it means I will love you and will forever do. By fate, we’ll stand strong and fight the cracks alongside our journey.

[CHRIS POV]

You wouldn’t take a no for an answer when I was asked to create more songs. A single shed of tear from listening to my music encouraged you to push more song requests unto me. Make-me-a-song was all I could remember hearing from you.

I remember you publishing one of my songs and I was accepted by it. You were jumping up and down as I was worried about its outcome. I was starting to get known, that was also the beginning of how the unforgivable musician started to forget about the important ones in his life. It was as if the result would be dragging my only light into my darkness. I don’t want to be a musician and yet, here I am composing more songs even if I knew what was coming soon.

I’ve started with light romance that I think you’ll enjoy but seeing you look so happy with just a simple work of mine, gave me that motivation I least wanted to have. And like a recorded cd, everything was played the exact same way in different men. I hated it but it was truly like father, like son.

I continued to write songs with deeper ones but as I got the recognition all the more, I produced as if I was possessed. I was indulged in the way words can be conveyed differently and ideas, stories, and theories were constantly overflowing my mind. I was wrapped up in music and I hated myself for it. Even though I despised the process, I couldn’t help but continuously write. All of my pent-up feelings in the past years were expressed in my songs, making me create heavy tracks and don’t run out of stories to tell. The man I’ve been hiding and was traumatized from came back and it’s as if he mocks me that we are on the same page after all. I felt myself sinking and sinking despite you telling me that I am not like my father because I made you feel the definition of love. I was trapped in a room with no escape that relates whenever I had started making music, I couldn’t get out of it. I wasn’t forced but this drive is what makes me continue because I feel like I’m creating a new genre that makes people deeply appreciate and maybe understand what I’ve been going through.

4 years came by but it felt like days in my studio.

“Chris, are you sure you’re fine? Get enough rest okay?” the young girl called me but I was busy finalizing the song.

“Yes, thank you,” I replied shortly after your question. I wasn’t paying much attention so I didn’t know the accurate response for it.

“Anyways, what’s that ab-“

“I’m working on music that’s going to be showcased and submitted to the famous JYP company later. It is really important so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me by asking so many questions. Come by later, we’ll talk about it then.” I looked at my watch on my right arm and noticed how I still got a few hours left before attending the ceremony. The albums will be released soon after but I have to submit another title track.

I was busy with all the scheduled dates and songs that I hadn’t realized

she wasn’t smiling anymore.

“Mr. Bang Chan?” hours came by and truly the CEO came. We have a friendly bond and he gives me advice so it’s casual for him to call on me. I hurried up to the door and went to the car.

“Why didn’t you invite her to the big event?” The CEO of the company asked me to start up a conversation. He crossed his hands and tapped his fingers as if he thought of something so deep and significant because he was getting impatient.

“It’s a big hassle. She isn’t good and comfortable in interacting with people she doesn’t know” I simply stated and smiled for respect.

“I don’t interfere or meddle in the personal affairs or lives of others but I hope you aren’t neglecting her because of this, are you?”

“She will understand” I looked up to the car window and stared at the illuminating lights from buildings. I know you took a lot of time waiting for me, but please don’t give up and let me finish this song about you. By then, our Disney-like dreams would finally come true and I swear I’ll make you even happier.

I held a box of ring in my pocket. I’ll make you happy, just hang a bit in there okay?

[YOUR POV]

The CEO told me about the new album he’s been working on. It was about his first love. It would be no other than me, right?

I went up to his room and read the paper scattered alongside his desk. There were lots but I decided to read the one that I assumed was already done. It was near the porch and I understood how he wanted to compose in front of the moon.

The moon shone brightly that night

but I realized that wasn’t my source of light

You look lovely

as the smiles you beamed lasted an eternity

I was persuaded and lost in thought

unknowingly, my heart was caught

Because even under the moon, you’ve shone the brightest

and cleared my problems at most

Even under where light lies,

I was indulged deep in your eyes

Even when it illuminates through the void,

a different view is what I’ve enjoyed

Because even if their minds were fixated on the scene,

looking at you felt more serene

I stopped reading the paper and placed it back on the desk.

“That can’t be me..” I thought.

Starting from the mentioned smiles, how could that be me? You stated you enjoyed looking at me, but I felt like I was invisible whenever you compose songs. Did you make songs while thinking of me? I don’t think so. You should’ve known that you were dragging me along with your darkest nights. I wasn’t even your light anymore, it died down. I was overshadowed by your passion or the one you’re talking about in this script. Can I still make you happy? No. Am I still happy? No. The whole lyrics proves how you didn’t even take a single glance at me right now. Because if you did care, you would've known I changed because you did. I changed because the person I was relying upon, didn’t find motivation in me. We started together but it lost while it progresses just like how you started music because of me but lost my figure in your sight along the way. It was reality, I was being forgotten. When I was alone crying, where were you? I know you don’t understand me quite well but I was the whole climate. I changed for seasons unlike in the past where it was mild swings. Because you know what hurts the most? Not the fact that I waited and kept waiting as I am already used to that and no matter how many years it may take, I’ll always wait for you. But it’s all because everything went back. You picked me up from the trauma and showed how love is but it’s as if my past resurfaced from the waters and told me how tragedies would always stay the same. That I would always end up this way no matter who I’m faced to. I felt guilty for slightly regretting that I praised your songs. Indeed you were meant to be connected with music and it’s your passion. I’m happy that I was able to show it to you but wouldn’t these happen if I didn’t start it all? I was wrong. I thought it made you happy but no. None of these made us happy. Your pieces of music weren’t to blame, I shouldn’t be blamed and neither were you. Where did everything go wrong? I don’t know, it just started to fall off. These lyrics were deeply engraved in my mind. You seemed so in love when I wasn’t able to show you what love is. If it was a person, she must’ve been so kind and understanding. She must’ve been someone who understood your secrets and feelings. And me? I couldn’t still get to you. I’m confused about what’s best for you or what you wanted all along. I don’t recognize the woman you’re writing about. Either it was the past me or someone new. Chris,

who is it that you’re in love with?

Cold air rushed through my skin as I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of calm air. It wasn’t possible but it was enough to make me feel calm. I still appreciated our moments but I feel like I can’t wait anymore, Chris. It’s not because I’m tired but because I feel like you’ll be better without me. I hate the idea of me regretting I showed you your passion. I’ll be nothing but a whole burden. You’ll meet someone better who recognizes your life and by then she’ll be a brave one who can communicate with you. You’ll find someone new, or you already did. If anything, happiness is all I need in the end, at least at the ends of the world. It did happen. I was happy because the next thing I’ll do will be the bravest thing I had ever done after all my cowardly decisions in life, and it’s all because of you.

I stood up at the top of the porch and imagined a vivid scenery. It was you kneeling down to someone new. She did accept it and you were celebrating. Tears ran down my cheeks but was I smiling? Yes, it was indeed happiness seeing you take a break from the pressure and realize you needed to receive joy. I wasn’t able to give it to you but to think someone else would, contrasted the happiness and pain. “It’s time to let go” I opened my eyes slowly as I thought and saw the moonlight. I snapped out of my thoughts and cleared out my head. Because no matter what happened in between us, you crossed my mind in a second. And that’s when I knew, I still loved you despite the bittersweet rain.

[CHRIS POV]

I heard sirens in front of the place that doesn’t feel like home anymore. Why? I heard how young and innocent the girl was and it was a pity to see her leave. It was a shock for me to the point that I hadn’t shed a single tear. Empty, hollow. It was all I could feel at the moment. Was she gone? Did she conclude to leave her out of my life?

Paper. That’s all I’ve seen on the desk. It’s prohibited to enter but I couldn’t believe what I’m seeing. The paper was crumpled and I believed you took the time to read this. Was my perspective wrong about you? Wasn’t this about you? I read the paper without further thinking and realized how I painted her as an angel. She is human, she was a human. Yet I’ve acted as if she was happy all the time, trying to save me from being a mess. Did I take a look back at her? No, instead I assumed too quickly. But what could that change? I was late and you’ve already given up. I was this close to preventing this but because I was so into writing a song made for you, I had forgotten the purpose to the point that it doesn’t seem like you anymore. Can I turn back time? If only I could. I needed to feel your warmth, I needed to see you one last time. I need you.

“Excuse me, do you know the victim?” A man from the authorities asked.

“Yes.”

Mixed emotions were vivid. I felt guilty but hoped you were happy in your last breath. The context of mines was complicated and I didn’t even notice it before. I abandoned to treat, as what I comprehend. Miscommunication rode the tides but it was undoubtedly true when I started to ignore people that surround me. I want to focus on you without realizing I left you. Is that even possible? It is now that I’ve seen it. Just like CDs, everything was played out in deja vu. People were different but things were just the same. It was how I became just like the person I despised all my life. But I did it for a reason, it’s not like I forgot about you. I just didn’t think how your feelings are right now but pursuing this song, is how I still remembered every bit of you. Would the ring I held on be given if I arrived earlier? No, I should’ve realized. I should’ve loved and made you feel how important you were to me in the days back then. In times you felt a hole in your chest, I should’ve been there to feel it up with love. I should’ve been there when you felt insecure. I should’ve been there when you felt all alone. But no matter how much I hurt myself, tear myself apart, it all ends with “I should’ve.” I’m sorry I couldn’t show you what I wanted to. I’m sorry I couldn’t love you until the very end.

I continued explaining to the man,

“She was my fiancée”

would you love me if I let go?

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