#i’ve been kind of drifting rn

[peculiarbeauty]

i wasn’t going to post about this here, but my family and i need a lot of thoughts and prayers if you can right now. my mom had a stroke and was rushed to the emergency room. i have been attempting to hold myself together and honestly not speak it into existence just because im so afraid. her heart isn’t well, but she is back home now resting. there’s a lot more details on the matter that led up to her having this stroke and some of that was involved stress in her work life, but im not really okay with disclosing those things on this site fully as .. it is really personal tbh.

my mom and i are so close, please send good thoughts that she gets better with the necessary healing she is going through. thanks.

[mythologaze]

losing touch with someone you used to talk to every day is a unique type of hurt

[strawbebyjam]

thinking about how patient my kindergarten best friend was with me for so many years

[thequeendesi]

Two Pink Lines

Title: Two Pink Lines

Alt Title: I’ve Heard Worse News

Warnings: swearing, unplanned pregnancy, mentions of bad childhood

Pairing: Fezco x Reader x Platonic!Ash (lil bro ash and big sis reader ftw)

Disclaimer: I don’t own you or the euphoria franchise. I own the writing.

Rating: PG I reckon

Word count: 2k

A/N: I haven’t written anything in three months! I hope this doesn’t suck! I’ve had so much going on lately! I’ve gotten into my own place w my bf, I had a car crash, a major pregnancy scare, and a job promotion lol. I’m doing alright rn, so I figured I’d take the chance and finally get something out again! Thank you all for being so so kind and patient w my inconsistent ass 😂 I genuinely love all of y’all!!

✨✨

You sighed, placing the test face down on the counter. Music playing from your phone to try and ease your nerves. Snooze by SZA playing low as you slipped down the wall. You pulled your knees to your chest as you allowed the song to play through, your brain running the entire time.

The jokes you made to your boyfriend, Fez, were just that. Jokes. In no way did you actually think you were ready for children. You had just graduated from East Highland less than a week ago.

Your childhood wasn’t the most pleasant. You had been living with your boyfriend since you two were 13 and 14. Fez was all you knew, and you were all he knew. You knew everything about him and his life. His grandma, his job, his brother. And you fit like a glove in all of it. His grandmother took you in with open arms and loved you as her own.

You didn’t know what you’d do with a baby, you didn’t know where it would fit into your current life. You worked at the local breakfast place, it was like a Waffle House, but called MeeMaw Judy’s Home.

Your mind drifted to Fez. He didn’t want kids. You knew for a fact because he always told you “keep it movin’ ma”, everytime you passed baby aisles. Hell, the two of you even had talked about it last night. As far as Fezco was concerned, he didn’t see a baby in y’all’s plans for at least another 4 years.

The song ended and you took a deep breath. You couldn’t begin to explain how long those 3 minutes were. “Alright.” You whispered to yourself as you stood up, turning over the test you stared at them. Two pink lines. You’re not even sure you’ve ever seen pink lines so dark.

“Fuck.” You whispered as you placed the test on the counter. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” you said, voice cracking at the last fuck, tears welling in your eyes. You had false positives before, only for the next test to have been negative. But this time you knew you were pregnant. Nausea, fatigue, as well as paired with your period being late not one, but two weeks? Oh yea, your eggo is preggo.

Your thoughts ran to a complete halt as the door opened. “(Y/N)! Can you make waffles… what the fuck is all of this?” Ash asked, looking at the test on the counter. Your heart sank as you tried to explain. “Look, I just… just please get out. Please.” You pleaded, trying to push him out. “Hey, it’s ok. Stop stressin’. Y’a’int in trouble. Just… y’know. Take a deep breath.”

Ash grabbed your hand, thumb rubbing over your knuckles, a trait he picked up from Fez after he noticed it helped you calm down. “Ash, please. I need to think of how to tell Fez.” Ash shook his head before leading you to sit on the couch. “Worry about calmin’ your ass down first. You’re acting like your life is over. It’s just a baby.” Ash let go of your hand.

You felt yourself relax a little. How was he so calm? How is your life not over? Taking another look at the test, you grabbed it. “This wasn’t supposed to happen this way.” You walked out of the bathroom to the living room.

You sat on the couch and let go of the breath you were holding. “Why’re you so freaked out?” Ash asked, taking a seat next to you.

“Ash, you’re 14. I really don’t think any of this is your business. You’re too young.” You said, placing the test face down on the table.

“(Name).” Ash said plainly, looking at you.

“Okay. Fair.” You nodded, before taking a deep breath. You’re really about to vent to your boyfriend’s 14 year old brother? Well, it wouldn't be the first time. Ash looked at you as a mother figure, seeing as his only real one was incapacitated.

“Fez doesn’t want kids. Not now at least.” You

“Well, ya should’ve been safer, huh?” He crossed his arms. “What’s the plan (Y/N)?” Ash asked you, leaning back into the couch.

“I don’t know. Haven’t thought that far ahead. A minute ago I found out I’m…” The words got caught in your throat as you leaned onto the couch as well. “You think MeeMaw’ll let me bring a kid to work?” You half joked.

“I’ve seen what she allows, it wouldn’t surprise me.” Ash said, a small smile finding itself on his rather stoic face.

Mrs. Judy, or MeeMaw as you and everyone called her, was a kinder old lady. Standing at a firm 4’10 inches, she’s seen a thing or two. She was always kind to you, making sure you had food to bring home to the boys. She knew your upbringing and the conditions that landed you to who you became.

“When’s Fez supposed to come home anyways?” You asked Ash. “Not sure. He’s sellin’ at some kid’s party tonight. What’s her name, Kat, I think?” He shrugged. “He probably won’t be home until midnight then,” you sighed, rubbing your face, “gives me at least 2 hours to think about what I’m gonna do.”

“I got somethin’ you can do then.”

“Waffles?” You half-laughed, looking at Ash through your fingers. “I think we need to buy eggs and milk for it actually.”

“Damn.” He placed his arms next to his sides. “We can watch a movie?” You suggested. “I got Maddy’s Netflix.” You shrugged.

“Better than waitin’ around for nothin’.” Ash grabbed the remote and handed it to you.

Turning on a movie on Netflix, some random movie by Adam Sandler, who’s movies were yours and Ash’s favorite way to pass time.

He quickly tuned into it, but your eyes glued onto the white slender test. Millions of thoughts ran through your mind.

Was Fez gonna be mad?

Was he gonna leave? Or more so, make you leave?

Was he gonna tell you it’s ok?

Was he gonna marry you? God, what a thought. Marriage wasn’t a bad thing, by no means. When it works.

By 12, your mother had been married 6 times, and two of them were remarriages to your father. Screaming, crashing and crying was no stranger to you.

You remember the argument your parents had that led them to that final divorce and you into Fez’s home.

“(Mother Name)! What’s this shit? You’re pregnant? Again?!”

“I was gonna tell you! You went snooping through the trash? Are you fucking insane?!” CRASH, you heard as the test that was thrown at the picture frame that had a picture of you holding your half-brother. You sniffed the tears back as you packed your bag faster.

“You should’ve wrapped it if you didn’t want this shit!” She screamed at him. “Fuck that! You’re just as much to blame! Is it even mine, whore?!”

“Oh fuck you, you bastard!”

“No thank you! That’s how we landed here! Just go! Go and fucking take your goddamn mistakes with you!”

Mistake? That’s all your father thought of you?

“You act like I wanted to get pregnant again, or any time beforehand! I didn’t want these fucking kids anymore than you or Jerald and Will did! Besides, (Name) is the only one here!”

Nevermind, there was your mother being the way she was. You looked at the broken glass on the floor as you stood in the doorframe.

“I’m not going with her.” You stated, in your broken little voice. “You’re not fucking staying with me.”

“I wasn’t fucking planning on it.” You walked past your father. “The fuck are you going?” Your mother asked.

“Why do you care?” You grabbed the doorknob, the rest of your body turning to look at your parents. “I’m a mistake to both of you, so why is it such a big fucking deal if I just grant you both your wish of getting out of your hair?” You asked them, tears free-flowing down your cheeks.

“Why the hell did you have kids if you hate them?” You asked them. “Why do I have to be an adult when I’m 13?”

Your parents stared at you, expression unrecognizable. “Well, just so you know, I hate you guys. So don’t worry, the feelings aren’t one sided.” You opened the door and walked out, closing it behind you.

You used your finger to wipe the tear that began to slip down your cheek. You haven’t seen your parents since that day, hell, you don’t even know if they’re alive or dead. You sent a graduation invitation to the house your mother lived at, but received the initiation back with RETURN TO SENDER in red letters over your face.

You looked over at Ash, who was fast asleep with his head on your lap. You smiled a little at him, and your gaze returned to the test.

Your phone began ringing from the bathroom and you gently placed Ash’s head on the couch. He curled up in a ball as he got re-comfortable. You walked to the bathroom and grabbed your phone.

Answering the call, you placed the phone to your ear. “Hey ma.” Fez’s voice sounded like honey over the phone. “Hey baby.” You said, holding the phone to your ear with your shoulder as you threw the box in the trash. “Ash ‘sleep?” He asked.

“Mhm.” You answered, walking back to the living room to grab the test.

“You good?” He asked into the phone as you heard his blinker. “Yea… no. I just… we gotta talk when you get home.” You answered, walking to the front door. “I’ll just meet you at the car so we can talk without waking up Ash.” You told him, hanging the phone up.

You walked to the front of the house and leaned against the gate. You put the test in your bra as you waited.

Your breath got caught in your throat as you watched the bright lights pull in front of you. Putting your head down you walked over to the passenger seat and got in.

“What’s wrong?” He looked at you, his hand moving to hold your face. His hand rested on your cheek as he made you look at him. “Whatever it is, ma, it’s gonna be aight.” He said, thumb stroking the soft flesh of your cheek.

Your lip quivered as you let go of the breath you were holding. “I’m pregnant, Fez.” You said straight out, taking the test out of your bra to hand to him, eyes drifting to the floor.

“Oh.” His hand leaves your cheek to grab the test, turning on an overhead light, he looks at it. “I’m sorry.” You sniffed, eyes welling with tears as you stared at your feet on the floorboard.

“Whatchu sorry for? This ain’t bad news. I thought you was finna tell me someone died.” He looked at you. “It ain’t like we knew it was gonna happen. Shit happens, ma. We’ll figure it out, somehow. Hell, grandma did.”

“You’re not mad?” You asked him. “I’m not thrilled. But that part ain’t important no more.” He took your face in his hands, test between his fingers. “You’re what’s important to me, ma. Without you, I don’t know where I’d be.” He kissed you softly. “We’re gonna have a baby. I’ve heard of worse news from you.” He said against your lips.

“I was scared you’d yell at me.” You confessed.

“Yell?” He pulled away from you. “Not about somethin’ like this.” He shook his head. “We got other shit to worry about rather than yellin’. Yellin’ ain’t gon’ get anything done other than stress my babies out.” He said simply.

“I got milk and eggs. Ash texted me.” He said.

“I guess I ain’t getting out of making them waffles, huh?”

“You figured you know better about that.” Fez half joked, grabbing the milk and eggs bag from the backseat.

“Now come on, I’m tired. It’s been a long night. We can talk more in the morning.” You patted his thigh and kissed his cheek.

He laughed a little and nodded his head. “Alright ma.”

[happy-beeeps]

Day 8: flame

Summary: A quiet moment by the fire gives Din a moment to tell you how he feels :)

WC: 730

Warnings: discussion of death, weirdly emotional sorry guys, sort of hurt comfort

A/N: I’m doing dincember on my own schedule and yall are gonna LIKE IT (jk I actually feel so bad but alas I have 3 jobs and all 3 are in peak season rn love you guys)

Grogu is happily toddling in front of you, arms out to his side, taking small steps forward. He’s worn out from an afternoon of chasing butterflies after one landed on his nose, and you can tell from the scrunched up face he makes that he’s fighting sleep.

“C’mere bug,” you croon, arms outstretched as he toddles towards you. You’re reclined against Din’s chest, his arms wrapped around you as you press snuggly against him. Grogu waddles over into your outstretched hands and leans into them, the three of you seated together at the fire.

“This is… nice.” Is the first sentence Din has said in a long while, accentuating it with a gentle squeeze on your arms.

You respond by pressing your shoulders back into him more, doing your best to crane your neck up to face him. You succeed a little, your eyes catching catching the corner of his helmet and his black under covering. “Yeah, this is nice.”

He doesn’t press it further, instead moving to drag lazy circles along the sides of your arms, eliciting goosebumps even in the cold air.

There’s a few more minutes of quite, contemplative silence, accented by the babbles and murmurs of Grogu as he fights a losing battle against a long overdue sleep. In the quiet, Din speaks up again.

“Flame is a sort of religion in Mandalore.”

You twist in his arms to try and face him. “How so?” It’s rare for him to feel inclined to impart any Mandalorian wisdom on you, and you feel a bit like a child clinging to a bedtime story as he talks.

“Mandalorians are born from the great forge. If you don’t die a warriors death, it’s said you return to the great forge. To be consumed by flame.”

You watch the fire lick the logs he’s placed down, Grogu finally beginning to settle in your arms.

“That seems pretty intense.”

A beat, then, “It is.”

You’re quiet, contemplative in your response. “I don’t think I want you to die a warrior's death.”

“Thank you?” He says, with a throaty chuckle. “I don’t think I’d like it either.”

You smile up at him, tracing an outline on the side of his helmet.

“I just want you to be comforted in it. If that is the way it must be. This is the way.”

“This is the way,” you whisper, quiet. “What brought this up?”

He moves his hand to rub Grogu’s ears, then comes back to rub circles on your arms. “I’ve never had to worry about my clan before. I’ve always been alone. I work a dangerous job, I just… feel like I need to protect you two, keep you safe.”

“And you do a very good job at that.” You recline back into his chest. “But stop being so morbid.”

He laughs, quiet but heavy through his helmet. “I’ll try.”

You two sit like this for a while longer and, at some point, you drift into sleep. It’s a quiet, contemplative, sleep, the light kinda where you swear you can hear things happening around you. The kind is sleep where you don’t know you’re asleep.

Din lets you sleep, watching you and Grogu’s breath rise and fall evenly. The baby has been out for the better part of an hour, and you fell not long after him. It’s so easy to watch the two of you rest, he thinks, and doesn’t move to attempt to kick out the fire. If he can let you two get an extra wink of sleep, then he’s happy to do it.

It’s empty in the clearing you’re in, and he uses this to his advantage to life his helmet just off his mouth. He presses his lips to the side of your forehead, and the last thing you here before drifting into a heavy sleep are his words, soft and precise.

“Sleep well aliit.”

[staybabblingbaby]

Chan x Youtuber (Discover Part) a1 d1

[Caution: These are not full fics, or even full parts of fics for some, these are part of my writing progress archive!]

Concept: Reader is an anonymous Youtuber who does English covers of various k-pop songs, including Stray Kids. Bangchan comes across one of these one night and falls in love with Reader's voice. They develop an online friendship, and Bangchan might be in love with more than just the voice.

Word Count: 962

Notes: I had a lot of fun narrating the video. I've seen it a lot in Idol novels that I read online, and it really is a fun and new perspective to use. The username may stay, it may change, i might get rid of it entirely idk. Kind of also contemplating using 'You' instead of 'person'. Idk we'll see how it goes as i work on it. Feedback would be much appreciated for this one. No editing notes rn, I'm not rlly feelin' it.

Warnings: None that I know of? It's just silly fluff idk what u want from me.

Masterlist link :D| Prev Part

It was 2am on a random Tuesday in Seoul. Bangchan lay staring at his ceiling for the nth time that month, silently cursing at his insomnia. He rolls over for the thousandth time to stare at his wall instead. His eyes drift his phone on the nightstand, and he idly wonders if he should spend some time teasing STAY on Bubble.

It’d definitely relieve the soul-crushing boredom of being unable to sleep, but he doesn’t really feel like receiving their well-intentioned scolding over his sleep schedule right now. He rolls back onto his back and heaves a tired sigh.

With resignation, he sits up and grabs his phone. He’d like to avoid being scolded, but receiving STAY’s love is always comforting. Vlogs and edits it is, then.

He hops onto YouTube with deft fingers and begins his latest STAY-binge. The thought of STAY’s reactions when he reminds them that he watches their stuff brings a smile to his face. They always freak out so cutely.

Soon enough, he’s zoned out and mindlessly scrolling through, giggling along to memes and watching vlogs with all the affection in his heart.

He runs out of content from the accounts he regularly watches pretty quickly. He’s only killed about 30 minutes, and even though his mood has improved significantly, he doesn’t quite feel up to going back to staring at his ceiling yet.

With a light heart, he descends into the familiar uncharted territory of his recommended feed. He manages to kill another hour or so before a particular video catches his eye.

[Learn Music Production With Me! | Cover Me by Stray Kids (English Cover) | EP.4]

The thumbnail features someone with brightly colored hair slumped over a desk, their face smooshed against the wood and their arms dangling limply beside them. Their features are obscured by a fabric mask, but bright blue tear-tracks are drawn on over top.

Bangchan can’t help but be amused by the image. He could definitely relate to the frustrations of learning music production. He actually felt a bit flattered and flustered that this person was using his music to learn from.

Officially intrigued, Chan clicks on the video.

It opens with a shot of the person from the thumbnail from the back. They’re sat at the same desk, which Chan can now see hosts a towering hutch with full shelves decked out in flower-shaped fairy lights. He spots a large section of SKZ albums tucked between other albums and books on the hutch’s shelves.

There’s a microphone on the desk, the boom arm pushed to the side, and a bulky set of headphone’s on the figure’s head. Despite the microphone’s distance from the person at the desk Chan can hear the furious clicking of a mouse as clear as day.

This scene plays out for a moment before the clicking suddenly stops and the person freezes. They slowly remove their headphones and sigh loudly. A very crisp [“Fuck!”] Takes him by surprise and he can’t help a soft laugh as the video pauses and begins to rewind.

[“So turns out I’m a big ol’ dumb-dumb and I’ve been doing this wrong this entire time.”] A voiceover begins to explain. The rewind quickly covers what Bagchan assumes is hours of work, and the voice over continues, [“Well, not wrong, per say, but I was definitely doing it the hard way. Wrong Equation right answer sort of situation. I.”] The voice chuckles ashamedly, [“I could have done this whole thing in a third of the time. I’m so embarrassed. Let me show you.”]

The rewind stops and the video switches to a different angle. The camera is obviously sitting on the desk this time, looking at the person from the side. The angle is much closer. The person waves awkwardly at the camera with both hands and rotates their chair to face it properly.

[“Hi all, I’m Grimm’sTeddy and this is episode 4 of me failing to learn how to produce music. We’re onto week 6 now, because I was quite seriously fighting with this program the entire time.”] A caption appears on the screen, [Shoulda watched more tutorials, buddy].

The video continues along the same vein for a while, a mix of Grimm talking and explaining their process while being unknowingly roasted by the occasional caption when they do something wrong. The video mostly shows the screen they’re working from, only switching back to the vlog-style camera when Grimm is being particularly dramatic about their struggles.

Around the 10 minute mark, Grimm discovers the feature of the program that triggered the reaction from the first clip. There’s a bit of grumbling and self-deprecating jokes, and then the video’s pace speeds up by quite a lot. Apparently the process is a lot less entertaining when it’s going smoothly.

Finally, 12 minutes in, the full cover is revealed.

Bangchan is, quite honestly, entranced.

There’s something almost desperate in the tone Grimm sings with, something raw and hurting. The cover is incredibly faithful to the original. They’d changed some words to preserve the melody across languages but were clever enough with it to preserve the meaning.

Bangchan finds himself impressed. Sure there are mistakes, and a lot of polish is missing, but the voice sticks in his head like glue. He goes to the channel’s page to find the first video in the series almost without thinking about it.

It turns out the video he’d watched was from several months ago, just after they’d released the song initially. There were only 2 videos after it, the series seemingly ending at episode 6.

Chan ends up watching the other 5 videos that night. He falls asleep with his phone on his chest at 5am, after making sure to leave a comment on each video.

[wilbursprincess]

wilbur and partner who struggles sleeping? or wilbur and partner who gets intense hyperfixations (me rn with gotham lmaoo)

Wilbur Helping His Partner With Insomnia

Wilbur Soot x Gender Neutral Reader

Warnings: Brief mentions of taking pills

Hi yet again @loserconfirmed! I was so happy to see your username pop up in my asks because you truly never miss! Both of these ideas are great (and I really relate to both lol), but insomnia is something I’ve been struggling with lately so I’m bursting at the seam with ideas! I might write some hyperfixation headcannons when the mountain of asks dwindles slightly <3

Headcannons below cut!

~He’d mention to you casually that you looked more tired than usual, and seemed genuinely concerned.

~”Oh, I guess I haven’t been sleeping well again. It’s nothing, Will, don’t worry.”

~Wilbur’s brows would knit in concern. “Again? Aw, baby, does this happen often?”

~At this point, you’d open up about struggling with insomnia for the past few years.

~Wilbur would open up too, offering up his own struggles with insomnia and his arms for comfort.

~He’d go out to the store, and come back an hour or so later with a few different kinds of melatonin, sleepytime tea, lavender scented pillow spray even a new comfy set of pjs, anything he thinks could help you.

~”We’re in this together, baby, ok?”

~That evening, he comes over again, with an overnight bag and his pajamas on.

~Coaxes you off your phone and laptop an hour or so before bed with the sleepytime tea, offering you a melatonin with it.

~When you get to your bedroom, he’s fluffed up the pillows, made your bed, and sprayed the room with the lavender spray.

~Helps you into bed and into his arms, stroking your hair and rubbing your hands as you slowly relax, and finally, drift off to sleep.

~You wake up the next morning still secure in Wilbur’s arms, him snoring gently with his head on your shoulder.

~Overjoyed when you wake him up to inform him how well you slept.

[ofmermaidstories]

hello! i’m sorry for the long ask ahead, i just have a LOT to say 😭

so I read surrender, your bakugo fic, around last year. i was new to the fandom then so i didn’t really know the characters too well, i wasn’t that deep enough into the story to be fully invested in anything. and neither was I a huge bakugou simp (I like the villains more, shamefully admits it) BUT one thing was for sure – you got me hooked. you pulled me into the bakugou simp train, and i didn’t expect that at all. effortlessly, you made me fall in love with him, and I hope you don’t mind that I’m letting it all out. I just think you deserve to know how much i appreciate your story! but anyways, I read the fic again because its just been a tough time for me, and I went back to it because I remember it made me happy, and I’m so glad that its still able to make me feel giddy and blushing like its my first time reading it.

first of all, i think surrender is an absolute masterpiece. i don’t have enough words for it (I’m literally rambling rn) but PLEASE. PLEASE ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN SUCH A MAGNIFICENT STORY AND THAT THROUGH THE SCREEN, your stories bring joy and warms people’s hearts. I think your writing style is so beautiful, emotional, passionate, and absolutely intelligent. I love the way that the story is written in the characters’ voices yet still keeps the writing format of storytelling, I love the way that you’re able to flesh out their characters so much. these characters, the ‘reader’, they all feel real. they feel like real people, and having to witness the development of their friendships, the familial bonds between the heroes and us, and the bond with bakugou – its stunning. its so human, its so gentle, and its captured me by the heart. i think you have a gift for writing, and please never ever think otherwise.

i also love how the dialogues just feel so personal. every word they speak is so them, its right down to who they are as who you wanted them to be. i love how you made YN so kind, and that her quirklessness, while a source of insecurity, didn’t really hold her back from being the radiant sunshine she is. i am a SUCKER for grumpy man x sunshine sweetheart tropes, and you absolutely nailed this one. LIKE HOLY SHIT I was actually rolling in bed and kicking my feet in the air whenever bakugou just stares at us when we smile. i can actually feel reader’s radiance, such a gentle soul. and bakugou – I’m not gonna lie, I think bakugou is challenging to write (I’m a writer myself, and I struggle writing him in romantic aspects.) I definitely get the appeal of bakugou in smut one shots, but I always wondered, “how would bakugou fall in love?” how is he like when he’s in love? we all know bakugou isn’t gentle (reference to a scene where bakugou feels he is too explosive in YN’s flower shop, and I can’t help but feel its a good allusion to how YN grew up in a soft, peaceful, quiet yet fragile environment as a quirkless person and Bakugou struggles controlling his explosiveness, and I just love how he’s trying so hard to take care of it – to tackle gentleness with gentleness) and it made me wonder how Katsuki is like in soft romance. and you just... blew my mind. really. your fic made me see bakugou in a new light, a beautiful new light, and I love him. I’m in love with everything about your story, and I look forward to reading more of your works because I just want to say that you made me fall in love with fanfiction all over again.

i’ve been reading anime fanfiction since 2021, but life was tough. i eventually stopped reading and drifted away from fics, but now I’m getting back to it and I cannot thank you enough for lighting this fire in my heart. that your stories are making me feel warm and I’m able to love something again that I once cared about. also, side note, but I think you’re such a cool person! I’ve seen your interactions, and your art is so stunning. it looks so soft, so gentle, and if someone asked me how I want love to be, I would say I want them to look like your art.

but yes, thank you for sharing your fics with us. its really beautiful, I wish I could say more because it really does mean a lot to me, and I want writers to know how appreciated they are. I’M SORRY THIS WAS TOO LONG, BUT LIKE THANK YOU AGAIN SO MUCH PLS HAVE A NICE DAY AND I HOPE ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE

Also an addition BUT I WANT BAKUGO SO BAD 😭😭😭

anon. 🥺 you’ve had to wait a while for this reply, and i’m so sorry—but i kept lingering over this message, like a little talisman. warding off insecurity and doubt. 🥺 i wanted to like—idk! give you a response worthy of your attention. reflect the sparkle and warmth of your words back to you. 🥺 especially considering how you mention that things have been a little tough, lately. 🥺

i’m glad the fic could be a distraction—or something fun. 📖🌷 welcome aboard the bakutrain! lmaooo. he’s such a funny, particular character to be into, i think; like canonically he’s such a lout! a horrible little gremlin! and with villain stannery it’s understandable, like, they’re villains LMAO, you expect them to act and react in certain ways—but when a hero character is so consistently unpleasant? idk, it’s just fun LOL. but i guess that’s also the attraction, at the end of the day, right? 🥺 in the same way that the tension between good and bad is so important to villain characters and their stories, i think a contrary character like bakugou is so much fun in a romance—because how does he fall in love? 🥺 he treats everyone—villain, hero, civilian, peer or mentor—the exact same way, so what does it take to get him to let his guard down and like, idk, stop barking at people??? you’re so right; that passion of his translates so well to smut one-shots, where it can be so easily physical. it’s just—how do you make the leap from being in bed together to being in love??

this is why i love the grumpy x sunshine trope too, though. 🥺 i know it’s a trope built on exceptions (you’re the one that softens him up; you’re the one he shows that side to), but i just—idk! those exceptions bring such a great emotional payoff, with a character like Katsuki. i think of like, kiribaku or bakudeku as examples—they’re absolutely ships that also rely on another character to be emotional foil to Katsuki. 🥺

i’ve said this before and i’ll keep saying it forever, but Weeds/surrender’s Reader is my baby. 🥺 my favourite child. i’ve always had a soft spot for quiet girlies—people who aren’t explosive personalities or need to like, shoot for the stars. people who enjoy tending to their lives or the people around them. romance is so often (by necessity) filled with Big Personalities—characters who can move a plot forward with like, action or passion. but the reason i was so attracted to the idea of x Reader fics in the first place was the promise of wish fulfilment that came with it—and i wanted a gentler character to be apart of this world. 🥺 i wanted Katsuki, who’s so used to sizing people up and learns so late what it means to truly rescue people, in canon, to like… meet and see someone he otherwise might not. to meet and see and then choose, because there’s something amid his determination and his strength and his fury that wants and responds to the optimism and doubt and sincerity in Weeds. 🌷🪻🌿🪲

idk anon—your words were so kind. 😭 getting this ask meant so much. 🥺 i hope things get easier. 🥺 whether that means backup arrives, or the universe cuts you a break—whatever you need it to be. i’m glad you found your way back to fics; you deserve to enjoy them when things are calm, too, so here’s to the immediate future easing up and letting you read them in peace. 📖💕

[narrators-journal]

Change to get Possessive Thanatos(Ryoji) with Monster fucker Minato?

This is HIS human and that human better stay right there!

This has sat in the drafts for so long since it came right before kinktober, and I am SO sorry for that. I basically had this little thing entirely written, then got super distracted with kinktober requests, only to come back to this thing and decide I didn’t like it at all. So it went through so many different set ups and vibes. I didn’t know if I wanted this to be more yandere, goofy, sexy, what. So! Again, so sorry this took eons, and if it’s light on the express possessiveness, but I hope you enjoy it regardless! I might come back and use this sort of idea for something a lil spicier, but rn I’ve gotta pace myself with the scenarios and smut lol.

The first time Thanatos had appeared underneath the swollen yellow moon, it was when Minato Arisato had gone up against the Magician arcana shadow during the first full moon of his stay in the dormitory. It had been a spectacle for sure, to see an entirely different persona rip out of Orpheus and slice through the mangled knot of hostile arms with a primal roar that seemed to shake the entire building they fought upon. That mystery and impressive impression only strengthened by the fact that Thanatos hardly, if ever, allowed himself to come out in battles after that.

Yet, that didn’t seem to count when it came to Minato’s dorm. As that same humanoid figure sat criss-cross-apple-sauce in front of Minato’s dorm room door, his powerful arms crossed, and the chained-together coffin lids pinned between him and the wood of the door behind him. Blocking the only exit in what Minato couldn’t help but think was little more than some childish play to get the midnight-haired man to stay home that night. So, with a heavy sigh, he tried once more to reason with his persona in the odd green-tinted lighting of the dark hour, “Look, I get that you aren’t the happiest about...whatever has upset you. But, I need out, please Thanatos. It’s kind of important to, y’know, help my friends not die to shadows.” Yet, all the mention of the other SEES members got was a low growl from the featureless face within those thick, silver jaws that glinted dangerously in the odd lighting of the engorged moon. “Thanatos.” He huffed back, his hands on his hips now as he turned to scold the persona that looked down at him despite how he sat. “You’re getting on my damned nerves. I’ve already humored you by letting you manifest in the first place, now quit being a bitch and let me out of my room!”

Yet, despite the slow increase in annoyance in Minato’s words were treated like the tantrum of a child. Only getting a stare and stubborn huff as a reaction, but no budging in the well-muscled body of the harness-wearing beast. “This is bullshit! You’re my persona, you should listen to me.” He spat, his frustration evident, yet the large humanoid monster didn’t even dignify his venom with another growl. Thanatos simply sat with his back to Minato’s dormitory door, whatever constituted his ‘eyes’ never drifting from the wildcard as he stomped back to his bed to sit on the comforter moodily.

Junpei and the others already left without me, he mused, his grey eyes watching the spindly, sparsely-leafed tree outside his window sway in the breeze slightly, But I’m sure I’m still expected to follow, or else Mitsuru will be on my ass for sure. But Thanatos won’t listen to me, and I can’t exactly blame a monster I assumedly control for locking me in my own damned dorm. At that thought, Minato threw another dirty look at Thanatos, whose head was turned towards him still, ever watchful.

Then, in a flash, Minato was on his feet. Not going for the door, but instead the window this time. He got the thing halfway open before he felt powerful hands grab him around the waist and easily pry him from the frame as if he hadn’t tried to cling to it. “God damn it, Thanatos!”

[mentalblabbermouth]

May the 4th hit me like a truck and i'm still stuck like a fly to a windshield 3 months later

(just posting notes from my ramble doc, i should just get the app at this point)

Man it’s lonely not having people outside of online spaces being just as obsessed with the same media. My sib and I have kind of drifted apart in terms of tastes in shows/fandoms and my folks aren’t interested at all. I don’t really have any friends in my hometown that I could just go on impromptu hangouts to the mall or park with, and the ones I do have their own long established clique and they’re into different stuff. It’s not like in college with living on campus, and all those friends are miles away. These days it’s hard to even find a free day. I think it really comes down to I wish I had someone to turn to and be like “this character connects to this and foreshadows this and did you know etc. etc.” basically infodumping but actually being listened to with the same amount of enthusiasm. 

   I want to talk about Star Wars, casual mainstream stuff I guess, like I’m late in the game but just started the Bad Batch and I got so excited hearing the narrator again. I used to watch the Clone Wars when I was little so it was a huge hit of nostalgia. Funnily enough I’ve basically gotten the highlights of the whole series through reaction posts, fanart, clips, and finally decided ok I’ll check it out after reading a fic (it was "Success Rate" on Ao3 btw). I wasn’t initially interested when the Bad Batch first came out until their personalities really started to show and of course sibling family moments. And I’ll admit the fandom space from what I could see on insta genuinely looked like fun from the sidelines. 

   The Dad Batch is so real, watching the very first episode knowing what happens later on and how much they grow it’s bittersweet and touching. Literally the moment Hunter sees Omega it’s like the remnants of the paternal Mandalorian instincts kicked in. This man was already set on becoming a father figure even if he hadn’t realized it. I just thought it was the fans doing their thing but no I witnessed it with my own eyes they’re all girldads and now I wish I got into the series sooner. 

   Also because I’m an animator at heart I love catching the little side glances between the brothers and the little quirks. For being voiced by the same guy, each of the Bad Batch have their own distinct personalities and mannerisms and I’m having such a good time.

   Omega is such a sweetheart, I don’t get how people could not like her! She’s literally baby and I know she grows up at the end of the series, so seeing how she started out she’s so small! She’s just a kid! She’s their little girl! They love her immediately and wholeheartedly! I didn’t know that in the first episode Order 66 just hits them like that, everything is confusing and chaos, the world they’ve known their whole lives is crumbling down. But they risk their lives and their freedom and return to Kamino for her! 

   The food fight scene was great, absolutely love how they’re ready to throw hands.

Nothing is more euphoric than finding a piece of fanart you remembered liking years ago but not remembering the artist so you go on a long search detective style and then find it! Yes it was Bad Batch content—I liked the occasional art even though I had never seen a single episode until now and I’m living rn absolutely delighted to find the piece was part of TBB Zine! Catching up on quality content now with context is healing rn (just in case the piece is by clone.enthusiast aka Bird on insta, forever treasuring this I’m smiling)-update: i think with the whole Meta AI thing the artist left Instagram and I'm so sad i can't find them.

Anyhoo, wanted to get that part out of my system. Been busy with a new job that's been so draining that I haven't finished Season 1 yet. Burnout has made picking up a pencil feel like holding a hot iron that it just hurts idk. Thinking of making a Tumblr blog just for professional art portfolio things since Instagram is now a hot garbage fire and lots of people are moving to Cara. I don't think i'll leave Insta myself since I've got mutuals there and there's still awesome art around. But yeah that's what's life been lately, if you've read this far, thanks!

[elleloquently]

im so sorry I haven’t been writing/completing requests!! life is coming in crazy rn, i have midterms and im just going through a lot outside of tumblr at the moment.

not making excuses, just explaining bc I don’t want you guys to think im drifting away <3

i see all of your love continuously (and my new followers- hi!! im so happy to have you here!!!) and im so grateful that you’re all so kind to me and have been loving my stories!! I also see all of the messages asking me for updates.. I’m not ignoring or abandoning anything, I’ve just been going through a lot and it’s been difficult to find the time/energy to sit down and write.

I promise I’ll try to get something out soon <3 just have a little patience with me for now if that’s alright with everyone else too

[marrowbaby]

your therapist’s office is a shitty place to conduct a craft workshop on life writing so you should go to hell instead, pt 1.

Thinking a lot about that bog of an intersection between the craft of autoficition and the introspective capacity that seems required to narrate the blindspots of trauma. wrestling with the chasm that exists between a life and a narrative. the cultural insistence that one be imposed upon the other (and vice versa) does not, as it turns out, make them the same thing. thinking then about how forms of life writing, memoir, autofiction, etc.. are always an imposition of form onto the dizzying formlessness of one’s life. by which I mean to say mine.

I’ve been pushing my rock up Mt. Autofiction for a few months now, and in this case I suppose the rock is the notion of plot as a formal constraint on lived experience. I admit a stubborn aversion to writing autofiction from the place of an I, though that may be because I truly do believe that all life writing is an exercise in POV not dissimilar from the kind of introspective self-objectification that happens in therapy.

That’s to say, you’ve got to find a way to look at yourself (but you only have one set of eyes and you don’t even like 3D movies because the goggles they give you at the theater don’t work with your glasses and everything gets fuzzy in the periphery, which gives you a headache). To write about yourself, your life, requires a kind of double vision.

Over the last few months, I’ve been feverishly reading and re-reading The Divine Comedy, returning often to my favorite cantos from the Inferno. I have vivid memories of being 7 or 8 years old and lying on the couch that served as my bed at my dad’s newly-established bachelor pad while he read the fourth canto aloud to me. The one where Virgil introduces Dante to all the classical poets and great philosopher kings living in a dope penthouse on some prime real estate in the first circle of Hell. I don’t think my dad had gotten around to setting up the TV yet. Recalling that fact of my early bedside eduction in the classics makes me feel like slightly less of a narcissist when I wonder whether it’s inevitable for MFA students to at some point find themselves asking “wait, so am I like... basically Dante rn?”  

As I’ve been toiling away on this manuscript, I’ve found the greatest difficulty to be something like a confusion of actors.

Asking myself questions like: who, exactly, occupies the role of our Orpheus? And.. wait- was it even Orpheus, or was it Dante? (An actor of fated retrieval, the one who descends with a purpose.) And: what does plot know of the partial protagonist, the one who is two apart? (Here’s where I admit that I always preferred Stevenson’s Treasure Island to The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.)

I’ve been keeping notes as I go back through the Comedy. Ruminating on the the world of the Inferno. Thinking about the ways that Hell, too, is a world of double vision—there’s Dante the writer and Dante the Pilgrim, I and I — down below in the realm of shades. How poetry is itself is a thing in-two, a muse of Mercury.

And the shades that live in the underworld — those figures that drift about, sometimes speaking, sometimes wailing, telling the Pilgrim and his guide of their sins and explaining why they’re here, what they did—also get doubled. These figures made of anguish and shadow are that which block the very light the travelers seek. But they’re also the ones with the stories, the flickering television screens through which the full vision of Hell is relayed to Dante, fizzling up through the poem to be transmitted to the world above. They exist in-double: both static and transmission in one; shade and light; fact, and its forgetting.

But this is my blog and I get to be Dante now, looking at my life, looking at myself as I look at myself. A girl folded over a body, eyes crossing into twin vision.

***

I’ve more to say on this and a lot more ruminations on Dante, but I’ll stop here for now because Infinity Pool comes out on Friday and I can’t think about anything else.

[droidrights]

New chapter of Stay the Black any time soon, pleaseeeeee? 👀👀👀👀

Wuuuuuuuutttt

I swear I’m not trying to sound any way but I for real thought my little story drifted from thoughts and hearts. It’s been literal years. Like I know you’ll read it when the new chapter comes out sure, it’s there why not. But I didn’t know anyone was waiting on it 🥹

I won’t lie to you I have like a page written and that’s it. But I’ve got notes and a kind of outline and I’ve been planning this starkiller fight for months. 😈 But I’m so moved by this interest that I’m getting my laptop out rn!

I can’t say that means update will be ready soon but it will be sooner than it would have been because you asked for it 😘

[r08s]

i asked my friend of aprox 10 years to hang out. it was 11:37 when i send her the message. she was online multiple times on instagram yet nothing. i texted a “?” at 1:20. same thing: active on ig but no reply to me. finally at 4 she responds.

we meet up and i feel just…empty? i know this sounds edgy but for example if i saw her last summer, i would have been so happy and excited and i wouldn’t stop talking. but this time i just looked at her and i wanted to leave, even tho i was the one who invited her… i felt so so numb, she also pointed out my strange behavior but she didnt ask if it was because of her.

honestly the whole day 4 hours spend together seemed like im hanging out with someone who secretly hates me. she didnt say any rude remarks but everything was just odd and i almost passed out at one moment (perhaps this was also because i slept only 5 hours)

we kinda gossiped and talked about guys, we always do this, however it felt so draining? actually i dont think this is the correct word, maybe awkward? we cracked some jokes but i was really forcing myself to smile and laugh, she defo noticed this. i was also just spacing out a couple of times

when we said goodbye, i didnt feel sad as i usually do when we separate. but this time i was just done, relieved and exhausted. and also screw the uber driver who tried to make a conversation with me about stupid teslas

i now really think we’re drifting apart. we had the previous week free and we didnt get to hang out at all… the active on ig and no reply thing happened then too…despite this, she did hang out with two other girls. awesome.

i feel so lonely. ever since i was little i thought that i would grow up in this cool teenager with a huge friend group yet here i am, crying for the 38295th time in the bathroom. i really just want someone i could talk to. someone who replies to me all the time. someone who appreciates me. someone with who i would never be awkward or uncomfortable with. someone who wouldn’t judge me. someone who would jump off a bridge if i also jumped. someone who i’d consider my best friend. someone who’d consider me their best friend. maybe i already met this person and maybe im the problem because of my stupid anxiety and my stupid undiagnosed depression and my stupid attachment issues and my stupid self as a whole.

today i had planned to tell my friend about some of the thing mentioned here but i guess i couldn’t bring myself to do it. she really asked me if something is wrong but i just shut her down.

maybe i will tell her next time. but how? or maybe the real question is when? i mean, ive been the one who mostly began the convos. i really am going to wait for her to just say something.

(today is saturday) not the upcoming week, but the next one it will be my birthday (im celebrating it by visiting paris so it will be no actual party with friends, just family). but i do wonder what she is gonna do then. like, just a hbd text or something more? tbh that “something more” could be even a bday card, i’d be really happy for one. i dont wanna sound selfish but i truly think i deserve something from a friend i’ve known for a whole decade, a friend who i love(d?) so much, i even bought her a gucci perfume so yeah i do deserve something a bit bigger than a one-minute happy bday text. again, it doesnt need to be extravagant, just something to show if she really cares about me, about our friendship. even my classmates, who ive known for only 6 months, are going to make me a surprise.

or maybe im just miserable and lonely. perhaps i shouldnt be spending my bday in paris but rather in a therapy session.

also i need to buy a new mascara since my maybelline sky high has been kind of dry. also as i said, rn im crying and yet the mascara isnt running down my face in the dramatic way as it should be..

[daisymaygames]

Not mine but I found it on fbook

Our life lately. I don’t talk about the details of our situation (homeless in a motel), but I figured I’d use this to thank my community.

Kiddos school administrators, and all of his teachers there, despite him being gone for 2 years homeschooling, still care so deeply for him that I’ve gotten calls and messages and they are wanting to spoil him. His birthday is next week and I’m picking up a bunch of wrapped gifts for him tomorrow.

There’s a community drive, that we’ve been recipients of in the past, and they put our names and interests & clothes sizes down on paper for ppl to pick off a Christmas tree and bless us with. (The gifts aren’t always the best cuz I never know who put our name down…prolly my mom cuz we didn’t get one last year when she was stonewalling me sksk, and it’s usually some toys we won’t play with but he’s happy to receive….it helped to fill out Christmas tree the last few years, so he didn’t wake up to just the one or two presents from me, or the ones from family he already knows he’s getting. Idk if my family will be so kind this year or what will even happen with that….

But anyway. His school, they asked for details. Lots. They know my family is useless to his happiness rn, and making my life hell and that I’m trying to keep him feeling ok. They asked for specifics of games. And when I gave them a list, she asked for even more detail. (And me too, but I didn’t put much. Just my size, interests, and favorite colors. It’s all about kiddo)

Anyway. Financial and physical gifts aside. Y’all have been my family. Y’all, and the few ppl in my life who’ve popped out of the woodwork to offer and help. My high school bestie, who I haven’t really spoken to since high school cuz we just drifted….he randomly messaged and saw my few fbook posts, and sent me $200. ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

When I was scared to come back to streaming, (because though it is a fun fulfilling thing, it is also very much a job) I was so worried that the blow to my self confidence would kill my numbers and tank all the hard work I put into it.

But y’all were there. Saying hi. And that you were happy to see me back. And it may sound crazy, (and I am a little bit crazy)

but that means everything. And I am so happy for y’all in my life

[missmouse25]

Well how about Max taking care of his gf with migraine (me rn😅)

Hello lovely Anon! I'm sorry that this took a bit, I only got to writing while I was at work this morning. I hope that you're feeling better and if you're not, that maybe this fic can bring you some comfort ❤️also sorry that it's so short

A Pain In The ... - Max Fewtrell

gender neutral first person pov (female in mind when I was writing tbh) // 389 words // Fluff // not exactly a warning but he does see you naked so if that's something you're not comfortable with, please be cautious

---

'Well, this sucks.’

The normally comfy couch felt like it was made of rocks and no matter how I shifted the pillow beneath my head, nothing made the pain ant less.

The inside of my skull throbbed. Every heartbeat sent a pulse of discomfort into my brain.

This migraine had put me in a foul mood.

Which made me feel a little bit bad for my boyfriend. Only a little bit though.

~

“Still not feeling good?” Max asked, kneeling next to the couch, gently stroking my hair.

“No…”my voice was groggy.

“Have you taken painkillers?”

Under normal circumstances, I would’ve been endured by this concern. However…

“No, Max, I’ve decided that I enjoy being miserable,” I said sarcastically.

He took a long, deep breath in – maybe he was trying to remember that we did love each other.

“Would you like me to run you a bath?”

The fact that he was still being kind made me mad at myself.

“Yes, please, Max.”

He planted a kiss on my forehead before saying he’d come get me when the tub was full.

~

The warm water felt good. My head continued to throb but I was slowly feeling better.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Come in.”

A cool breeze drifted in with max as he entered the bathroom. It made me shiver.

“I brought you some tea, love,” he said, passing a cup to me.

“Thank you.”

Max settled himself on the bathroom floor, sipping from his own drink. And I took a moment just to appreciate him.

His soft hair that he kept saying he needed to trim but didn’t; deep dark eyes that I could get lost in her hours if he let me. Slowly I went through all the little details of his face.

And when he caught me staring, he smiled and blushed.

~

Max run his fingers through my hair. I lay with my head on his chest; listening to his heart beat.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“It’s ok. Its one of the few times when you can be a pain in the arse and I won’t mind.”

“Hey, that’s rude,” I said half-heartedly.

He just laughed a little.

“But You’re me pain in the arse. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

A content sigh escaped my lips.

“Yeah, and you’re mine.”

And finally, I could feel the pain subside.