#i’ve done so much stupid shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ymdslf · 6 months

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i took a three hour nap this afternoon, like an idiot, and now i can’t for the life of me fall asleep

#mattis talks #granted the absolute pain i’m in doesn’t necessarily help #seriously i’m just sick of it #why #why did the fucker decide to just break #i’ve done so much stupid shit #and now i fall die the stairs once #once!#and i break my fucking toe #during easter break no less #no sports for three weeks #i’ve got a dance presentation next week #fuck this #seriously #and my one plan i had good the holidays (climb a tree) i can’t do #fucking. doctors orders #ugh

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grocerystoreanxiety · 1 month

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I honestly I think I’m in my adult-age HW rn (can’t say abt like the years before when I wasn’t checking my weight but I was like a teen back then), but fuck, it’s 56.4kg today (bmi 21.5) and idk if my metabolism suddenly just stopped bc it feels like it did. I eat abt 1000-1200kcal and the weight moves nowhere (sometimes under 1000kcal, but I try to keep it above to avoid bingeing & muscle loss). It’s sure not that low of a limit, but honestly like that’s no one’s maintenance calories no matter how short & how little they’d move (and I’m 5”4 and try to at least get the 10k steps a day if nothing else). Yeah gotta be patient, been back at this just like 2 weeks after my stupid dumb month of ”i dont care” and sometimes it takes more time.

But it’s weird bc I was recovered for like a year before relapsing this spring, and even then I didn’t gain to this level, and it was a way longer time of eating than just a month and I was steadily 52-54kg the whole time. (I still dont know tho if I can count it as recovery time when I never rly stopped working out or counting my cals; I was just eating my maintenance calories pretty much, some days a little more, and I think I maybe just got into the orthorexia side for a year)

Also I know metabolism gets worse as you age and ppl say it’s around ur mid-20s but does that rly kick in suddenly in one fucking month???? I doubt it (Could be the stress, like I’m waking up to anxiety attacks etc, so it’s not low levels of that rn, and ik stress does a number on you)

Anyways, this is all to say that I’m fucking getting back to it istg like I feel so bad rn in my body. My fucking shorts I’ve worn just this summer aren’t fitting right like dude that’s insane, how did that happen over the course of like a month. No more of this ’’well im too tired to work out today’’ or ’’a liiittle bit of sugar wont kill me’’ garbage; back to all or nothing babeyyy (bad mindset but works the best for me)

#i was working out lots at one point tho so I keep wishing it’s muscle like I’ve got visible abs and shit like that #so there’s some muscle there #which is also why I try to keep it at highres & take the stupid creatine (dont want to get back to my sure yeah lw days but like 0 muscle #(I’ve been going to the gym for 2 years for these like I dont want to lose it all)#bc I honestly looked bad and kinda pathetic like girl could u do even one push up)#sorry for the rant omg #i just needed to get this ’’fuck i hate this & myself for letting myself get here’’-thing out of my head so I can move on from it like the #damage is done and no point in dwelling in it #and it’s manageable damage so if I course correct now it’s pretty much like nothing ever happened #but like if I keep dwelling & therefore hanging on the past I’ll just keep gaining and suddenly it’s so much worse like gotta just think #like ok this is where we are now and how we got here doesn’t matter #all that matters is to make better choices #better as in like mentally ill-logic better aka actually worse choices but whatevers #this too should stay as a draft but alas send post

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crybaby-bkg · 2 years

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broke and busted boyfriend Dabi that bugs you so he can come to your lash, hair, and nail appointments only to sit there on his phone and complain about how long the process is. the only thing he pays for are snacks when you get annoyed with his complaints, and conveniently disappears when it’s time to pay for the actual service. he does buy you your favorite candy bar tho so it balances out

#I thought about this earlier and legit laughed so hard #he sits in the chair beside yours at the nail salon and complains SO LOUDLY about how long it takes #he’s so ROOD and your nail tech person is just side eyeing the fuck outta him #and when he leaves they’re like #‘is he at least paying for how much shit he’s been talking????’#so embarrassing when you tell them no and they just do that little disappointed click of their tongues and shake their heads LOL #he’s a bum that I cuss out on the way home but let him blow my back out the moment we get home #he does compliment how pretty your nails look around his dick so it’s another win ig #I’ve been so obsessed with that stupid nerd I love him #I wanna write about him being a virgin and seeing your bobs for the first time #but I think that’s been done before ajdhdjfjd #I never know if I should count this as writing #—new treat in the streets! 🍫#dabi treats! 🍬

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peapod20001 · 3 months

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Did sleeping help

No </3

#vent #tsk. isn’t it like. if you hate everything then eat #if you think everyone hates you then sleep #if you hate yourself take a shower?#sooooooooo. uhhhhhhh. didnt. work?#hng. artfight... I was so excited I have so many ideas #but it’s like. everything is triggering me or making me upset or freaked out or sick. idk what to do #I go ‘oh lemme see what my friends have done so far’ and then I see an oc from someone not my friend anymore and I’m like. ougghhh #I feel like such a baby for caring. stupid for being upset still. it’s like it only mattered to me and no one else had to deal with such #crippling anxiety and stress because of it #everyone is getting so much done so fast and I STILL can’t submit the second thing I did. I’m going to lose my head or cry or both or die or #SOMETHING uhhhhhhggggggg and it’s like all my anxieties are circling back around cus it was this time last year shit hit the fan #I have college!! I have no clue what my plans are!! all I’m good for is making fake people and drawing said people!!#I’m such a fucking. stupid.. I wasn’t even supposed to take this last semester off. we just didn’t know what other classes to take or what #to focus on... I’ve been literally free all day every day since December and it’s like I’m STILL not doing anything worthwhile #mmm I’m so alone in this I can’t DEAL well I guess I’ve been ‘dealing’ but I don’t believe thinking about bad situations literally every day #since they’ve happened can be considered as ‘dealing’ with it. I doubt anyone else is thinking about it that hard but I can’t help it #I can’t do a complete cut off from the internet. my only friends are here! what then? then I’m just. some sad sack who doesn’t talk to #anyone? mmm this isn’t a good way to start the day but I can’t NOT think. it’s all I do. my brain is one of the things that makes be I can’t #self labotomize myself into being a chiller person without killing everything that makes me with it #ugh. I’m going to be stuck in this headspace forever. even with apologies and make ups or agreements to stay apart #I’ll still be the one dealing with the negatives and fallout from shitty situations. funny seeing as I still don’t understand how things #even escalated so fast. but whatever. I’m the bad wolf forever. can’t change that

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hella1975 · 1 year

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tbf i really deserved to lose that poll im stupid af

#i need to come off the pill it’s not funny anymore 😂🙏🏼#like it was already hard getting myself motivated for a degree i hate and then there’s the adhd shit on top of that #which is literally the productivity killer but now the pill on top of all that has just taken any fear factor i might have had #like i don’t feel anything I’m not nervous there’s no concept of repurcussions in my mind #and it’s meant I’ve basically hardly fucking studied and it’s entirely my fault and im GOING to fail #like you cannot walk into a uni exam with the barebones knowledge i have and still pass you just can’t #like i spent all of yesterday trying to study and i didn’t get anything fucking done until 11pm #when I did like. a solid hour. that’s it #and it’s so frustrating bc it’s like well why didn’t you just study #and im like i CANT it’s like an actual physical block stopping me #and ik thats the adhd but I could handle it before I knew if I left it last minute the panic would set in and I’d be suddenly productive #but now? nothing #i just don’t feel anything ever and haven’t since literally march #and even that the only reason i remember it as march so vividly is bc i had a fucking depressive episode #physically the pill has done bits but it’s shredded the little mental stability i had and now we’re here and I’m failing my stupid degree #even now it’s like. why am I on tumblr. the exam is in 1.5 hours. i have so much to do bc i did nothing yesterday #and instead of me feeling panic or guilty or ANYTHING?#nothing. just absolutely nothing it’s like im not even here #hella goes to uni

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trashbaget · 6 months

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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”

#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with #but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this #i can’t just. talk to the guy #if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that #i can barely even say hello to him #don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like #ah fuck there he is #okay you can do it just say hi #just say what’s up #and then he’s already gone #also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin #ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction #or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or #i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at #least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault #too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair #but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side #where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20 #mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number #who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21 #his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe

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jikigo · 5 months

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you ever just see a post and just

. 😭

.⬅️🫀⬅️

#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up #don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon #outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid #shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the #entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking #ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so #thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck #And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me #There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder #everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend #“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when #you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn #At least someone wants to talk to me #Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others #promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life #Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting #What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something #It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you #Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn #Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place #And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject #Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like #Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me #It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn #I fucking hate everything

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fandomsoda · 1 year

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Realizing something about a situation that definitely is the most reasonable explanation and was clarified to me a while beforehand. Sure there are what-ifs and it could actually be worse than I think now but tbh it’s probably not and I’ve probably been overreacting god kill me

#can my emotions please chill tf out for like a split second #like I don’t think my panic was fully irrational #but still #I feel guilty and stupid #Humans are built to be burdens #but I still hate myself for worrying too much #And jumping to conclusions #fuck me with a rusty razor I probably only made the situation worse #how do y’all put up with me #“I go no-contact sometimes” yeah that probably includes blocking everyone doesn’t it and would explain the situation perfectly #But of course I’ve gotta freak out like I didn’t know this shit already #To who this situation is about (you know who you are and you might see this eventually) I am so fucking sorry my dude #you’ve done nothing wrong I’m just an idiot

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un-pearable · 1 year

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anyone got exec dysfunction hacks this assignment is stupid long and my usual strats have run out

#usually i can vibe with gum/crackers/smthn + very specifically one of three OSTs i can completely zone out to and get my shit done #OR deadline anxiety is good enough. but i’ve already blown past this deadline AND used up all of my listening things to the point of #annoyance and i can’t listen to my new music (w vocals) playlist bc it’ll distract me #so i’m just sitting here like an idiot doing anything but the writing #hell. i’m very good at writing essays i have a formula a strategy i may do them last second but i get them DONE and i get good grades #this stupid shit????? this field notes narrative-prose-as-much-detail-as-possible is KILLING ME bc there’s no solid way to track my progress #and the end feels a thousand years away AND i have write about my own personal experiences with activates the MEGAanxiety and i’m #i’m a week late now. hell. the teacher even emailed to ask me #i’m so fucjin tired and not even for a reason. i knew this class would suck #to be delete but fr any advice #it’s not that writing is hard. it’s that i’m overwhelmed and can’t even get myself to start and stick with it for long er than a damn minute

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hecksupremechips · 1 year

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Girl help I keep thinking about freaking persona 4

#i have banned myself from engaging with any persona 4 related content (except for memes my sister sends me)#because yeah its genuinely deeply upsetting for me and i always feel like absolute shit #but aghhh for some reason my brain has been fixated on it this week thinking about all the offensive garbage it is #and i keep thinking of all the evidence i can gather definitively proving that the writing is sooooo homophobic/transphobic #which is a very easy thing to gather up and prove since its all over the damn place lol #but like im just so fixated on how awful the game is and how the fans are even worse and i have this urge to argue forever #something im sure a lot of yall can relate to #cuz god it hurts to be screaming at people that theyre hurting you and for them to just say no to you as if its up for debate #if this sounds dramatic cuz its Juat A Game liiiike no its not Just A Game this is about #my daily life requires me to argue my existence constantly and its the same for every other damn marginalized person out there #and idk if youre still gonna either ignore or deny that persona 4 isnt batshit insanely offensive then youre stupid #i dont have the patience to argue shit like this anymore because theres no way someone with a brain can deny shit like that #and quite frankly even well intentioned queer fans who try to make headcanons that either say fuck you to the game #or hcs that do nothing at all to challenge the bigotry in p4 are kinda annoying to me #cuz it hurts too much to play along like yeah id LOVE to just slap a rainbow on kanji and a trans guy badge on naoto #and call it a day and enjoy the game outside of it all but thats kinda impossible #when these two characters entire existence revolves around the bigotry and its done in a way that hurts like hell to see #its too real for me to enjoy even if i make positive ‘fuck you atlus’ fan art #yeah ughhhh whatever its just annoying cuz I’ve been doing a good job at blocking this game away from my life #cuz it brought nothing but anger to me but its just been something thats been stuck on me lately #and im really not sure what triggered this or why its been lingering so long like please stoppp #its really embarrassing to be having bad mental illness over a shitty bibleo game 🙄

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emeraldcreeper · 2 years

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Half the astronomy things I’ve consumed/classes I’ve taken are like “here’s space, we took the math and equations out so it’s not scary now! See! Space!” And I without fail do grabby hands and get excited and go “yaaaaaay! Space! Without math!”

#I’ve taken 3 astronomy classes I’m by far not an expert #but space is fuckin rad the search for life in space is so fuckin cool #stars! and! universe!#cool as fuck #podcast specifically made to make space less scary/taking the math away! I love!#it’s called pale blue pod it’s a delight and new and I love it very much #I am technically in a stem major despite all odds #the math in it is statistics which means every time I see a study done and posted online I groan audibly and for a minute straight #they all tie the stupidest shit to stupid shit with bad testing methods to push one idea #because results are what matter not the way you get those results #it’s math but with Greek shit in it is my point it’s not math math #until you do an anova by hand and cry into your pillow

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shoveitevil · 14 days

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