#i'll prob end up doing more than that and getting done before a whole year has passed but yk

[soshadysoquiet]

TUA S4 Concerns *some spoilers for what's been teased so far*

So I'm concerned about Season 4. I want to be hopeful, but I am concerned. C o n c e r n e d.

It's short. There's bits in TUA that I don't personally enjoy as much and skip, there's bits that could have been taken out and nothing would have changed... but I like having that bit of room for more: did we need the Ikea Mafia's viking foot funeral? No. But did we need it? Yes.

The ball pit. The ball pit concerns me on a number of levels, and I'm sure it will be funny, I hope it will be funny, I just hope it's relevant enough why they're in that setting to not be too gimmicky, e.g. it made sense they ended up in the bowling alley; they probably snuck out there as kids and so it was one location they would all know, but man that ball pit worries me like a sleep paralysis demon.

The potential for germaphobe Klaus (sorry that's probs not the correct term but I can't think of what it might be). I can see why he'd be afraid of death now, but is it germ/cleanliness specific? If so why? Klaus has been one of the least concerned about hygiene up to this point so they're laying a whole new framework that I hope they give sufficient depth to. I'm an OCD sufferer myself, about death anxiety in fact, and I haven't resonated OCD with Klaus before if that is what they go for - I'm open to it, just not a cheap OCD gimmick. There's So Much trauma in all these characters at this point, my worry isn't them exploring new avenues as much as not bothering to look into the trauma they've already heaped on and doing something new for the sake of it. If it's done well, I'm all for it, but there's some previous with trauma getting forgotten on TUA so...

The Jennifer Incident. Please, please let this be more interesting than a romance story.

Lila's baby. I love Lila, I don't have a problem with her being preggo etc, I worry a little that TUA tends to speed run life so what is this actually going to look like? Parenthood is such a big life changing deal that I'm curious / cautious about what they'll have done with the characters here.

Viktor. His schtick is that He's Mr Apocalypse, sadly that limits his character coming to a place of peace in some ways. But mostly just let him have an actual conversation? Please? He'll have had 6 years this time skip, if they bullshit that 'oh no one's really seen each other in 6 years' lazy ass nonsense I'll be fuming.

As above, there's been 6 YEARS here, I want to watch the characters and feel that time has passed, that they've interacted, have in jokes now, shared history, maybe not all of them but that makes it even better; have Diego and Klaus have a cleaning routine together to help Diego understand Klaus and trying to be supportive if brusque, but then defending this to his other siblings. Have Luther share some actually positive moments with his other siblings and not just have been in Sloane-hunting solitude, make him always be trying to host awkward family BBQs that the others force (or pretend to force) themselves to go to. Have literally any of the siblings be on the look out or Five's triggers for him - and better yet actually give him some now that he's had time for the PTSD to swell. I want the small nitty gritty details, I want the filling, I want to feel the expanse of time not just 'oh shit another week and there's an apocalypse and we haven't seen each other hey ho oh look a ball pit!'

Anyway, I'm hopeful, but concerned, and I'm sure I'll love it and don't intend to be negative, it just helps me to voice them. Either way, I pray for the fan fiction that follows the series most of all, the rising of the crowd to give us more of what the series does deliver and flesh out what it does not. Is it weird to almost be more excited for that?

[andrea-lyn]

thank you @smilebackwards for the tag in this one, bc I always love a ramble

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 474, with a lot of them being imported from the LiveJournal days (...and worse, a LOT that never made it because I don't want them under my current pseud).

2. What's your total Ao3 word count? 3,447,393. I'm a wordy bitch when I want to be. I was just saying that I've somehow gotten into this habit of thinking every fic I write has to be a minimum of 8k, even though my next fic that will go live will prob be 5kish (...and then something that will prob be around 12k).

3. What fandoms do you write for? Right now, Ted Lasso, Zukka, Raven Cycle (though I'm out of ideas, but may grab one of my miscellaneous for that), Old Guard, Roswell New Mexico (I'm coming back, bitches).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? ready for my close up, mr. dameron (poe/finn) how to fall in love with a fairytale (poe/finn) what a tale my thoughts could tell (joe/nicky) Your Hand In Mine (poe/finn) hallelujah, you're still mine (joe/nicky) (very sad my highest kudos'ed steve/danny h50 one was top 7 and not top 5)

5. Do you respond to comments? Always. No matter what. It's a habit I got into and there's a bit of social anxiety I have around it, but I will always do it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably The Time Traveling Pilot (Poe/Finn), which has some lovely bookmarks like, Fuck I'm crying, im absolutley fucking sobbing and my fave, I'll never be brave enough to read this fic again, but I'm so glad I read it once. And honestly? Fair. I sobbed a lot writing it.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Basically, 90% of my stuff? My habit tends to be super happy/fluffy stuff and then 10% of my stuff is meant to be angst that will destroy you (...there's a Zukka coming up that will reinforce that pattern)

8. Do you get hate on fics? I started to get a lot of it on Roswell fics for some really unfortunate reasons, and it actually pushed me to make my RNM fics AO3 users only :/

9. Do you write smut? Rarely these days, but only because the story doesn't feel like it needs it. I'll still write smut scenes if it feels right, but I've been living in more rom-com territory lately.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written? I don't do it as often, but I've done a couple! I did a Leverage x Hustle one, a Star Trek x Dead Like Me, and two whole stories for House MD x Doctor Who. I do it less often these days, but more because the ideas aren't there.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of? So, maybe? I haven't seen it though!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I've been super lucky to have a bunch of my fics translated!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? YES, and it's my FAVE THING, okay. Cowriters, come at me, I love it. I want more of it.

14. What's your all time favorite ship? My preferences are fleeting like the wind and my faves come and go and then resolidify, but I will say, lately it's starting to seem like Pynch might be the steadiest 'ship I've had in a while.

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? ...at this point, the Joe/Nicky Outlander Time Traveller's Old Guard, if only because it's a beast of a thing.

16. What are your writing strengths? I really like threading in the little bits of canon and getting as close to the voice and tone as possible. I'd say I've been most successful in some of my Ted Lasso stuff, but I like to be a mimic.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Prose. I'm not great at setting the scene and often my world-building is more characters and relationships than settings or scenarios. I've kind of let that atrophy over the years too.

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics? I used to do this a lot, if only because I speak enough French & Italian to get by, but in recent years, I've started just writing the phrase in English, italicizing, and indicating in the narrative that they're speaking another language, if only to get away from the footnotes or hovering.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Charmed, I think? Piper/Leo was def baby's first OTP.

20. Favorite fic you have written? I usually say Love Like The Sea (my Webgott), but today I'm going with Baby, I'm Howling For You, my Steve/Danny supernatural fic (and series) because it has the best worldbuilding I think I've ever done and I really enjoy the rules I set around that 'verse.

Tagging @earnmysong, @el-gilliath, @hazel-athena, and anyone else who wants to ramble!

[grntaire]

gender? i hardly know her!!!

(ranting abt my gender and sexuality. prob more personal than i should put on the internet but i am feeling Raw)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i literally do not know. who i am lmao. i identified as cis (afab) and bi from the age of like, 13 i think? and that didn't change until i was 22 or so and i was like... she/they?? maybe?? which turned into they/she which turned into they/them which led me to nonbinary and pansexual which is where i've been chilling. but i don't even know if that feels right. like yes i am a girl but no i'm not a woman (i'm 25 so like, that Should Be a descriptor that i feel comfortable with. but it's not?) but im also not a girl either. my gender is more akin to like, the embodiment of chaos, lmao. i am everything and nothing all at the same time.

(i'm gonna use very much binary language here–i've personally only ever been with cis men or cis women, so when i use the binary language i'm specifically referring to it in terms of my experience) my sexuality is even more confusing to me now which is crazy?? my first crush was on a boy, and i had crushes on boys and girls through middle school and high school. i had a crush on my best friend in middle school and she was my first kiss. it felt like magic and i loved every second of kissing her. i ended up breaking up with her after a month or so and i still to this day don't know why. i think i was feeling like, constricted in it. drowning in the attention. also i was 13 and was living on a diet of nothing but nutella and pretzels so who the fuck knows lmao.

but as a teenager it oddly seemed so much more clear to me? my attraction to ppl was different and based off of their gender. like for me, my attraction towards girls was very emotionally based and the more i got to know them the more i wanted to be physical with them, too. with boys it was kind of the opposite, in a way, but not always. i didn't date any girls in high school–i had a big ol crush on one in particular but that was my Oh, She's Straight moment. i dated two boys. the first was a super nice dude who i hope is doing well. i broke up with him after 7 months or so i think? i was straight up convinced i was a lesbian. and then i dated a boy like two months later. i was OBSESSED with this dude. like, hormones gone wild, really just wanted to destroy this mf. he broke up w me after a month out of the blue, and i was devastated for a minute. in college i dated a dude for 2.5 years. he sucks.

my current partner is a man, we've been together for about 2 years. he is the kindest person i know. and yet i still constantly find myself second guessing everything. which, granted, i've always done. when i've been with women i second guess everything too. i think they're intrusive thoughts, and they'll look like "do you even like men/women?" a lot of it, too is that i don't think i've had the feelings of A Crush since i was a teenager, truthfully. i mean w my partner now, i'd get excited when his name would pop up on my phone, but there was no like, pining or whatever. loving him has always been easy and we got together easy.

so where i sit now is that i love my partner. but do i want an open relationship? am i poly? what if i like, actually am a lesbian and it's been comphet this whole time? but i have felt like, absolutely feral abt men before. but then i'll be like, fuck, what if the whole time i've been straight? but is that just from the desire to feel wanted? from the societal pressure to feel wanted by a man? that the act of being wanted by a man is proof that i am attractive enough and worthy? or am i second guessing these things bc my partner isn't what i need in a partner, regardless of gender. do i need someone more extroverted, who matches my energy more? can i bear the weight of being the outgoing one? and how do i cope with the fact that by choosing a partner i'm loosing connections that i could be forging with other people? but even if i'm poly, what does that mean for me? for my partner?

i am Overthinking so much. all of the time. and how much of it is intrusive thought and how much of it is... not, is incredibly hard to discern. i feel deeply tied to my queerness but i don't even know what my queerness is.

ik this is very oversharing but if u read this i appreciate u. u gay people in my phone make me feel less alone sometimes, mwah.

[timstolejasonscorpseagain]

whats the story behind the rat? like your sister didnt actually boil one did she

Holo there.

Okay, I talked a bit about it in the end notes of the fic I mentioned this in, but I'll tell ya the whole story, just for you, Anon.

CW: Snakes, Dead animal, mentions of vomit

So, this happened years ago by this point. I'm gonna start off by simply answering your question: Yeah, she did.

When I was a teenager/young adult I kept reptiles. Snakes, to be exact. I wanted to be a zookeeper who specialised in reptiles, once upon a time, and even went to college for it briefly (they were ableist as hell).

I have experience with lizards, tarantulas & scorpions, and, of course, snakes. I only personally owned snakes, even though my grandma's terrified of them lol. Anyways, I had 6 snakes (I had more room for them in my room than I had for myself tbh) and I fed them with thawed rodents, aka, rats, on saturdays.

One of those saturdays I wasn't home, it was November and I was spending the day with a good friend of mine (well, we were talking on the phone all day as I was doin' my thing), I had plans to get my septum pierced and I was excited.

Afterwards, I noticed I had a bunch of missed calls. I was confused, and a bit worried, because I was pretty sure I told people where I was gonna be that day. But maybe it had slipped my mind?

But no, after listening to the voicemails, it turned out that my sister had boiled a rat.

Here's the thing. My sister is crazy smart! Especially with linguistics (She has a BAs in ancient greek & latin, she can read runes and knows several languages such as Arabic, Norse, Greek, Latin, German, English and probs loads more that I can't remember atm) but.... She's never been the best cook. Not that I blame her, it's not like she had anime to teach her like I did lmao.

Anyways, she's not really the best to trust in a kitchen, is what I'm gettin' at.

Since I had plans that Saturday, I had asked her if she could cover the feedings. She's seen me do it, and done it with me, plenty of times. Before I feed them (I fed them depending on shedding schedule so they didn't all eat the same time) I will douse the bag in hot water. My sister.. Decided to take it a step further.

You see, in her mind it made perfect sense that to warm up the rat, why not just boil it? It'd still be edible and hey, maybe even a gourmet meal! It'd be perfect.

(It was not perfect).

The smell was, according to everyone around the house, horrid. People were vomiting from the stench alone of tender, boiled rat.

She tried to feed the snake that was on schedule for that size rat (different sizes based on snake) and, unsurprisingly, the snake didn't want it. So she put it back into the pot of water and placed it on the stove.

The rat was falling apart.

She left it there. The stench stayed.

Cue angry calls, as the flatmate had come home and ran upstairs to vomit from the smell.

I am fortunate that I wasn't home lol

So yeah.

Don't boil rats. Research safe feeding methods, y'all.

(I was laughing but also like, told her to just call me next time please)

[chocolate-failure]

Man, the shrink has been so fucking hard like goddamn. I feel like my resolve can only last week or I go too hard and get sick and gain a bunch of weight back. And I don't think it's due to Ed though I suppose it could be. But I'll get an HS flare or covid flare and can't get out of bed. A couple of those days in a row followed by my period really fuck up my progress. It's like every week there's a fucking crisis and I just don't have the energy to keep at it or I'll have one day where I gain weight in the tub. Like of course I have times where I just overeat or overdrink during the night but a lot of the issue has been being sick because I can always purge, I can't keep however make up for a day where I can't hit the gym or do my extra long baths.

I usually lose about 2 pounds in 2 hours of bathing but if the water is real hot like at hotels I can lose 3 or 4 in the same amount of time. I refuse to do cold baths even though I know they help with weight too. There's just something's I can't give up and my comfort in the bath is one of them.. and having the water scalding hot isn't necessarily comfortable 🥴

But yeah progress has been fucked up mostly because I'm having a hard time acclimating with changes from week to week as far as my physical health goes. It sucks.

I also had a migraine last week (prob Feb 22 or smn) which is the reason why I'm making this entry. I don't have a lot of insight into my triggers or well... When my triggers become an issue. I definitely know what they are with humidity and heat exhaustion being the biggest one but I've gotten migraines after a 2hr walk and not gotten one after a 5hr walk where I'm on the brink of passing out and lost several pounds. Idk what conditiins must be in place along with the heat exhaustion for it to culminate in a migraine. I've had a flash from a camera cause a migraine but have had several encounters with flashing cameras that resulted in nothing. I once ate one of those Louisiana sandwiches with olives in it and got a migraine almost immediately after it but I've eaten olives several times and never got sick. So I end up for the most part not really avoiding my triggers because they more often result in nothing than a migraine. But I still have 2 or 3 a year.

So instead of concentrating on my triggers I try to minimize stress because it feels like that's a common denominator for a lot of my ailments. And the next best thing for migraine management after tigger avoidance is early detection which is only marginally more trackable to me. Unlike some diseases show the symptoms of migraine mean the migraine is happening. Once the symptoms start there's nothing you can do to stop it. You can take meds to take some of the edge off but it's not going away.

A hallmark symptom of the prodrome phase is jamais vu, the opposite of deja vu which just means the world you've come to know feels unfamiliar rather than feeling like you've been here before. But of course this is very similar to dissociation, an experience I have in some capacity nearly all the time. So it's hard for me to discern the difference between premigraine jamais vu and my daily experience of jamais vu. I also experience the confusion and agitation but those things happen directly before the blindness and aura which isn't particularly helpful for predicting a migraine cuz like when I say directly I mean the pain will start within the next minute or so. As the aura expands the headache gets worse but once it's done the headache typically doesn't get worse from that point. Sometimes it's debilitating whole other times it's a dull ache. The headache hat and exposure to cold is helpful. Pain meds are a little helpful if I take them early enough.

[1d1195]

Hi Sam!! How are you doing my love?!? I’ve missed you😭 this week has been slightly better, still very busy and lowkey feeling a bit burnt out :( but I think I may be getting out of my depressive episode so that’s good at least HAHA

Anywaysssss I read the time extra and omg it was so heartbreaking but in such a beautiful way! I feel SO much for this Harry like SO much! Like my heart hurts for him but I really appreciate their story! I just wanted to go shout out at him how loved he is by everyone especially the MC! And ugh my heart hurt so much that he thought she would not want to marry him at all😭 and the proposal in their little kitchen was just so adorable?!?!!! It’s so very them and I loved it!! So well done Sam, you never fail to amaze me❤️ and I don’t ever feel bad for not posting anything, you are consistently doing WAY more than enough for us honestly that you deserve to go at a pace where you’ll still be able to enjoy what you do! We will all still be here now matter what!

ILY bestie hope that you are well and are having such lovely days!!!-💜

Oh I'm so glad to hear you're feeling a little better! Even if a bit burnt out. I relate to the burnt out feeling immensely. I hope you find some time to yourself and time to rest. Do you have spring break soon? Any fun plans? Whenever people ask me what I'm doing over break I always say nothing which is EXACTLY what I want to do over break. I don't want to do anything or have any obligations. Also I cannot afford trips and such so it's not really much of a choice. Anyways, I've missed you and I'm glad you're on the mend 💕 just reading what your message you sound better than the last couple times you chatted with me. I hope that's encouraging, too!

I was very grateful to get the idea from one of my sweet anons about this piece, but I was very stressed about it hahahahaha I had essentially 'written' the little series while I was commuting to work over the course of like two or three years as crazy as that sounds. Then when I started writing again I finally got it into actual typed font. But I was in a pretty bad place when I was thinking about it. So it was really nice to write something fluffy and light for this little couple but it was a little hard to get back into the mindset of Harry feeling a bit lost (which I guess is a positive sign for my mental health). I think it was really cute to see their private proposal. I imagine they did the whole dinner thing with their friends and families but I think Harry was a lot calmer knowing the answer ahead of time (even if he's ridiculous for thinking she'd say no).

Thank you so much for your endless kindness towards me and my posting schedule. I'm genuinely considering calling in sick one day this week because I'm simply struggling. I've been feeling very overwhelmed and stretched thin. I don't know if this is a normal amount of things that every other adult has to do or if I'm just being a whiny brat. I never feel like I have time to myself and I feel behind in every aspect of my life. I'm behind at work, I'm behind in my personal health, I'm behind with my chores, need to see my family, and should probs spend some more quality time with my bf. But it's a lot and idk how people do all this all the time. But calling in sick as a teacher just usually means more work for myself in the end so it's probs not worth it and I'll get caught up eventually.

ANYWAYS. Honestly, I'm doing fine. It could be worse, lol I hope you're having a good weekend and really it was the best to see your message and hear you're doing better! I was hoping you would message me soon--I think our brains lined up because I thought about it most of yesterday and then saw your message right before i went to bed 💕💕

LOVE YOU!

xoxo

[earlyspringtranscendence]

god u kno ur tastes are too fucking specific when ur like ‘i dont care who i read about as long as its a decently longfic’ and then ur like. well i cant read this bc its 47k BUT 34 chapters no longfic should be over 15 chapters :/ like. girl.

[terrainofheartfelt]

"It's been more like a 'Choose Your Own Adventure'!" A Rufly Playlist

Finally, a use for my Dad(™) music taste! I threw in a few live recordings/rough sessions because that’s rock and roll, babey. YouTube link here

image sources: (x) (x) (x)

American Girl - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

If you think this isn’t a rufly song, then idk what to tell you.

And for one desperate moment there / He crept back in her memory / God, it's so painful when something that is so close / Is still so far out of reach

Light My Fire - The Doors

Making this playlist was fun because I got to imagine a lot of precanon Rufus/Lily, and how they came to be. And like, I can see Rufus covering a LOT of these, yk?

The time to hesitate is through / No time to wallow in the mire

Funny Feelin’ - Langhorne Slim

I can also see Rufus actually writing some of these. Like this one!

Well, I got my eye on you, baby / And I know I ain't the only one / But if you just say maybe / My lonely days would be done

Superstar - tswift

If you don’t project onto at least one tswift song can you even call it a ship playlist?

And I knew from the first note played / I'd be breaking all my rules to see you / You smile that beautiful smile and all the girls in the front row / Scream your name

Lay, Lady, Lay - Bob Dylan

Tour life vibes

His clothes are dirty but his, his hands are clean / And you’re the best thing that he’s ever seen

Fire - Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

Your kisses they burn / But your heart stays cool

Fooled Around and Fell in Love - as performed by Morgan James

Because Lily Rhodes really did fuck around and find out.

Free, on my own is the way I used to be / Ah, but since I met you baby, love's got a hold on me

Don’t Let Me Down - The Beatles

Nothing says Lily & Rufus like a Beatles deep cut.

I'm in love for the first time / Don't you know it's gonna last

Shadows of the Night - Pat Benatar

80s rock vibes, babe!

You can cry tough baby, it's all right / You can let me down easy, but not tonight

She - as performed by She & Him

She may be the love that cannot hope to last / May come to me from shadows of the past

Can’t Buy Me Love - The Beatles

Tell me that you want the kind of things / That money just can't buy / I don't care too much for money / Money can't buy me love

Second Hand News - Fleetwood Mac

It’s breakup chapter time, y’all

I know there's nothing to say / Someone has taken my place

Hungry Heart - Bruce Springsteen

I met her in a Kingstown bar / We fell in love I knew it had to end / We took what we had and we ripped it apart / Now here I am down in Kingstown again

Piece of My Heart - as performed by Big Brother and the Holding Company

Have another little piece of my heart now, baby / Well, you know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good

Love Really Hurts Without You - Billy Ocean

In my head, this is the “Lily and her cavalcade of failed relationships post-Rufus” montage song

You walk like a dream and you make like you're queen of the action

Halls - Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness

This is the “Rufus touring post-Lily” montage song

Thought a broken heart could write a perfect song / And it did and I was right so now you're gone

Mulholland Drive - The Gaslight Anthem

Okay so we all know about the Dair & Rufly parallels, and this song nearly ended up on that playlist, but the vibe didn’t quite fit. And I think, in my heart of hearts, that this song (though probs more punk than Lincoln Hawk sounds) reads like Rufus could have written it. And there are lines that are so evocative of both Dair & Rufly like I still remember holding you, just out of sight of her - like! That’s Valentine’s day 2012 amirite??? And: But it scared you, love, to need someone, so you killed it all instead. And the imagery of Mulholland Drive with Lily being from LA...Anyways this song is one of my all time favorites.

Would you miss me if I was gone and all the simple things were lost? / Would you ever wait on me to say / Oh that I’d just die if you ever took your love away

Malibu 1922 - COIN

You're some old man's new trophy / Locked up in some house in New Jersey / Now money's not a problem / But 20 years it seems you've forgotten

How’s the World Treating You - Elvis Presley

Pilot Rufly vibes, but sad!

Every sweet thing that mattered / Has been broken in two / And I'm asking you, darling / How's the world treating you?

Even Cowgirls Get the Blues - The Gaslight Anthem

Pilot Rufly vibes, but sexy!

Can I get a witness, pretty baby? / I still love Tom Petty songs and drivin' old men crazy

It Ain’t Me Babe - Bob Dylan

“You made a choice to be Lily Bass, and we both need you to go do that.”

Go lightly from the ledge, babe / Go lightly on the ground / I’m not the one you want, babe / I will only let you down

Harvest Moon - Neil Young

It’s about the lovers to strangers to hostile acquaintances to friends to lovers again.

When we were strangers / I watched you from afar / When we were lovers / I loved you with all my heart

Home From Home - Roo Panes

“Well, it’s Thanksgiving, and I couldn’t think of another place that felt more like home.”

Because I'm starting to realise the question worth asking is, who? / I'm starting to realize the question worth answering is you

You Got Lucky - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

I mean. I mean they do fight a lot.

If you don't feel complete / If I don't take you all the way / Then go

Are We Free? - Mick Flannery and Susan O’Neill

I like how this whole song is a dialogue, but always comes together at the chorus

Are we free to understand / or bound to repeat again / all the wars of before?

The Bones feat. Hozier - Maren Morris

“The king and queen of reconciliation” - Dan Humphrey

No, it won't always go the way we planned it / But the wolves came and went and we're still standing

Songbird - Fleetwood Mac

They didn’t break up, what are you talking about?

And I love you, I love you, I love you / Like never before

Beginning to Feel the Years - Brandi Carlile

And I'm beginning to feel the years / But I'm going to be okay / As long as you're beside me--along the way

Call on Me - Big Brother and the Holding Company

Baby, when you're down and feel so blue / Well, no, you won't drown, honey, I'll be there too

Lily - Benjamin Gibbard

It was too perfect. I had no choice.

Lily is a big brass band who fills the air with song / Lily is a destination and she's where my arms belong

Hard Feelings - Brian Fallon

And the time used to stop in her hands / I could feel it go hesitant / When it rained in Manhattan / We took shelter in the spare room at the Grand

[askjoshuafreeman]

transcript.file//jfreeman_codingb//convo

[Emergency Program Active]

AdminJF: Heya B-)

CodingB: ...? Allen? Where's Joshua?

AdminJF: He's still asleep, just snoozin away.

CodingB: Still a-... Isn't it... late? Why are you up.

AdminJF: Had a nightmare

AdminJF: Couldn't get back to sleep

AdminJF: Figured a lil chatting with ya could do me some good.

CodingB: ... With... me?

CodingB: Wait a moment...

CodingB: Communications are offline... I didn't think that was possible...

AdminJF: Yeaaa, boy like me's fulla tricks B-)

AdminJF: 'sides, don't think chattin with 'em would help out. They're... kinda chaotic.

CodingB: Unlike you, pizza box tearer?

AdminJF: Ey ey, I'm the FUN kinda chaotic! Those guys... eh... I know Josh trusts them. No surprise there. I mean, apart from you, they're the only peeps who MIGHT help him out... I'm still on the fence about them tho.

CodingB: I see.

CodingB: May I ask... what your nightmare was about? I do not know exactly how dreams work, but talking about what ever is making you upset tends to help.

AdminJF: Are you sure? It's... kinda dumb.

CodingB: I am all ears! And eyes! You have my full attention!

AdminJF: Right, well

AdminJF: where tf do I start...

AdminJF: I was... running in this like, industrial... plant of some kind? Like, running from something that I couldn't see? Like, that went on for a while, that I was just running and trying not to trip or crash into anything.

AdminJF: So at some point, I end up at this biiig chain link fence, like, the kind they put up in big facilities, I think. Anyways, I start climbing the thing, only to get pried off and thrown on my ass by, I guess whoever was chasing me??

AdminJF: But like, I look up at the guy, and I still can't really "see" him. Could say they looked like a shadow, but even that doesn't cover it really. That's around where I woke up and just. I dunno. Woke up about an hour ago and I've been too anxious to head back to sleep...

CodingB: ... I can't say I blame you exactly. An event like that, dream or not, would stress anyone, I'm certain. Until you've calmed down sufficiently, I don't think sleep will be possible...

AdminJF: Yeah, well, all the more reason to chat, right?

CodingB: I suppose so. Had you any topics in mind?

AdminJF: Oh Yea yea

AdminJF: ... No. I really don't.

CodingB: Ah. Then... could I ask you something?

AdminJF: Shoot.

CodingB: ... What is it like out there? Past the screen, I mean. Out in the sun. Out in the grass...

AdminJF: Ah shit... I'm really the wrong dude to ask but uh

AdminJF: It's... fine? No no uh... It... gives you something to do. Sun can get pretty hot down here but it's a helluva lot better than being cold in like, the snow and shit. Josh's been complaining that it's getting colder when... it hasn't? Like, I would know, I'm p sensitive to temperature shifts yo, but it's just been as hot as ever.

AdminJF: Uh, back on topic

AdminJF: Grass is... pretty soft, gives off a nice smell after it's cut. Uh... worms live in the dirt grass grows in...

CodingB: Oh, worms?

AdminJF: Yea, not like computer worms, but uh, little... long slimey things. They eat dirt and filter out the bad stuff so the ground stays healthy and all that.

AdminJF: Birds and lizards and fish like to eat them but I wouldn't recommend it.

CodingB:

CodingB: Allen, did you-

AdminJF: No!

AdminJF: Classmate back in primary did tho

AdminJF: Dared himself to cuz there was a bunch out after it rained and then uh

AdminJF: Y'know what, let's talk about something else.

CodingB:

CodingB: Well, um, do you think I'll ever get to see out there?

CodingB: Like, leave the device and go outside?

AdminJF: Knowing Joshua? Without a doubt. He's prob already working on the blueprints.

CodingB: ... Really?

AdminJF: Pfft, of course! You've met the guy! He's too kindhearted for his own good. J will stop at nothing to help others, even at his own detriment. I mean, case in point: He's friends with me.

CodingB: ... What's wrong with being friends with you?

AdminJF: Ha!

AdminJF: Ah...

AdminJF: Look, I... back when we first met, Josh saw this hungry, pale as death, angry and antisocial freak around his age and, instead of avoiding him like everyone else, sat down right next to him and offered half of his lunch.

AdminJF: I've been through 5 different fosters since he and I first met, CB. Five houses that all took me in and gave me the boot before I could even get comfortable. Within that time, the only other friends I've made apart from him are Clera and Tiff, and the only reason Tiff's our friend is because she and Cler started dating months ago.

AdminJF: I mean, hell, just yesterday, I

AdminJF: shit

CodingB: ?

AdminJF: ... Can you... keep a secret, CB?

CodingB: My lips are sealed, Allen. Is everything alright?

AdminJF: ... I... I lied to Josh, about me running off. About how my folks were mad and I needed to get away from the house for a bit.

AdminJF: The truth is that they... They kicked me out.

CodingB: They?? What!?

AdminJF: Yesterday past-noon, few hours after lunch, not-pops plopped my schoolbag on me, told me to shove as much of my shit in it as I could, and just told me to "get lost". Figured he was joking and I just stared at him cuz, like, why the hell would I think he was serious? But, looking at his face...

AdminJF: So then I said "Let me pack my suitcases while you call the agency" cuz that's how it normally went when my Fosters got sick of me, but mfer pulls me up and goes all "We want you out of here NOW" and tells me that I have ten minutes to fill my bag.

AdminJF: ... And he, uh, really did mean 10 minutes. They weren't lying about that part...

CodingB: Oh my god... That's horrible. They do not deserve to call themselves "parents" of any kind! Are you hurt? Are you okay?

AdminJF: I

AdminJF: I don't know why shit like this still shocks me, y'know? I should be used to it all, and I am for the most part but...

AdminJF: I guess a part of me was thinking that... Things were going well! Things were going better than any of the other families I'd been in! I was with them for almost a full year, like, a month away from it even, and sure, I might've been a bit of an ass sometimes, but they...

AdminJF: Tensions were kinda mounting for the past month or so, I guess, but I didn't notice it until this bs happened. Now most of my shit is in a home I'm not welcome in anymore, the agency probably won't be checking in for another month or so, and I have no goddamn idea what I'll do if Mrs. Freeman comes back and tells me I can't stay here. I'm completely shit outta luck.

CodingB: Allen, I'm so sorry...

CodingB: ... I'm sure... Josh and his mother, they won't leave you on your own like that. You said yourself that Josh is very very kind, for better or for worse. It doesn't matter what you might think about yourself, Allen, you do not deserve to be hurt in any way.

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Christ I spilled my guts like hell

AdminJF: Just one of those fucking

AdminJF: "3am! Time to vent!"

CodingB: Allen, please.

AdminJF: Maybe I could try going back to sleep now...

CodingB: Allen, wait!

CodingB: I. Before you go, please, I

CodingB: Maybe... could you keep a secret of mine too?

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Eh, it's only fair, fine. Go right on ahead.

CodingB: Alright! Alright!

CodingB: I... I'm terrified. Of failing Joshua.

CodingB: Of ending up trapped in this computer for who knows how many more years.

CodingB: Of finally getting out, and... and it all being worse than being trapped in here.

CodingB: Heck, I'm terrified at the thought of it being everything I could've ever dreamed of, so much so that I never want to return to the computer. I... I wouldn't be helpful anymore if that happened...

CodingB: Jeez... am I even helpful where I am now? Apart from keeping the firewall up, what good have I really done to help Joshua or his father?

CodingB: I cannot express to Joshua how... how deeply frightened I am at the thought of him never coming back. That thought haunts my every waking hour when he is not here, and I don't know how to get it to stop. It makes me feel as though I'll crash my entire programming and I hate it so much.

AdminJF: Damn... CB, you know, even just keeping a firewall up is a helluva task all on its own, and it's doing a crapton of good, too. Files are still up and the computer isn't a smouldering pile of viruses now is it?

AdminJF: Besides, even without all of that, you've still helped Josh, like, endlessly. You've supported him a bunch and I know for a fact that you've helped him to feel better about this whole ordeal. Like, he chats about you for HOURS the second you come up in a convo, yo. The minute he gets the chance to, I know he's gonna get you out of there, and, knowing your ingenuity, you're gonna find thousands o' ways to help out.

AdminJF: But... I ain't gonna lie and tell you those feelings are gonna go away. Not on their own. Needs time and reassurance. Until all of this is over and done with and even maybe a good few years afterwards, you're probably gonna still have that fear.

CodingB: Ah... I see... I don't suppose it is normal though, is it?

AdminJF: Nah. I know that first-hand... But hey, we've both made it this far despite all the bullshit we've been through, right? World's not gonna get ridda us that easily.

CodingB: ... Even with the terror I feel, am I still brave enough to face the world?

AdminJF: I'd say the world oughta learn to start being afraid of you, cuz there's nothin' braver than continuing to live even when you're scared to death.

CodingB: ... Thank you. Thank you so very much.

AdminJF: Heh, all in a day... night's work...

AdminJF: Think the both of us could use some rest. Quiet our minds fo' a bit.

CodingB: Heh, agreed... See you tomorrow in that case. Er, well, today. At a later hour.

AdminJF: Yeaaa, see ya then, CBot. Sleep well.

CodingB: You too! May your dreams be filled with nothing scary!

[Emergency Program Inactive]

ampd.program deactivated. Returning to error log...

[amazingmichelleman]

Tell me your opinions on BatB 2017 (it's one of those things where left to myself I'll dislike it, but I am capable of flipping a mental switch and appreciating a bunch of things about it. ("Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."))

i know its been like 15 years since you sent this but here we go. I liked the beauty and the beast live action movie for three main reasons. 1.) more detailed individual character growth 2.) good updates to the music 3.) gastoni mean, everything that people complain about is totally right, theres a lot of wonky stuff in the movie but idk i still just think its funand as a note before i start getting into it, i realized one big thing i liked when i watched linsay ellis’s video on youtube when she complained bc there wasnt very much romance but THATS WHY I LIKED IT LOL. the movie is more concerned with belle’s and beast’s individual character growth than their romance AND TBH if this movie had gone the way of maleficent and purposely shunned romantic love for the power of platonic love honestly that would have been a MUCH stronger plot line. beast and belle had real bff vibes. ah what could have been...

ok so 1.) character plots. this was a very 50/50 split bc gaston and beast got well developed arcs, belle only got like half way through hers before it was dropped, and the servants was like.....you didnt even try did u.gaston ill get to later, but the beast i loved cause he had more lines where he was just being chill and not sad or angry, unlike in the original. his story was very much about unlearning toxic masculinity and stopping the cycle of abuse from his dad, and i thought that was way cooler than the “changed by belle’s love” trope. they seemed a lot more like friends and shared common interests in books. and like. when beast scoffs at belle cause she likes a “girly” book like romeo and juliet but then she catches him reading it and enjoying it later? thats good stuff man. thats gooood stuff. 

and just like. the song where hes singing to his mom “not until my whole life is done will i ever leave you.....” AND THEN HIS MOM DIES AND HIS DAD LEADS HIM AWAY reblog uf u crie evry tiem.... and then when they go thru the book thing and he’s like Oh Paris I Love Paris What Shall We See First!!! an absolute cutieBelle’s story really started going somewhere and im mad that it just ended like “figured out my origin story so guess im cool now” like no. they had a really good line in the song that went “i was innocent and certain, now im wiser but unsure” and then that’s never resolved! like belle has always been such a cool character who didnt let beast walk all over her and when he finally figured out her boundaries, thats when they could start to communicate like hello?? awesome woman alert and you just let that drop?? and everyone says that belle’s backstory abt her mom wasnt needed and theyre probs right but the scene where beast is like Paris?! meanwhile belle brooding in the background. good stuff. belle’s song, the plague doctor, her dad being forced to leave his wife behind.........................good food man good foodand the servants everyone has talked abt. the whole “it was our fault the beast was abused” nonsense, plus in general their line abt “whats a servant without serving”, and that evil village lady reuniting with cogsworth and its played off as a joke, like why do you gotta do these good men and woman dirty like that2.) music?? good!!!! good music. days in the sun? good. gaston song?? good!! kill the beast!!! so good. it was all good.3.) Gaston!!!!!!!!!! a problematic fave wow!!! i think what really makes him good is the actor choice. i generally dont care abt actors so i dont know anything abt the man, but he seems like a good guy ya know. if the actor was sketch playing a bad character id be like ew but cause the actor seems nice and hes playing a bad character im like whoohoo!! is that weird? idk whateverGaston’s descend into evilness is like. the character arc of the decade my man. the way you expect him to do his douchey thing in the beginning like in the original, but he’s actually not that bad, and u know he DOES have a point abt spinsters not able to thrive in this time period, like guilt tripping not cool, but he didnt say “women shouldnt read!!” so thats a step upand he like. genuinely wanted to win her over by helping her dad. like he really tried but belle’s dad really pushed all his villain buttons man! so he did a bad thing like not cool dude. and then!!!! then he’s got to stick with it and defend himself against the townspeople. they’re not madly in love with him so he’s got to MAKE them that way. the way he turns around that conversation was SO good and roping lefou in against his will and jumping on the kill the beast thing to save his own skin. and from there he’s just gotta keep going!! he’s gotta hunt down the beast not just for belle but for himself and his standing in the village. like i just thought that whole spiral was done SOOO well. best part of the movie tbh. and even tho lefou’s sexuality was problematic, it really added to his and gaston’s arcs of one person becoming evil and their close friend jumping ship on the situation bc they know that their loved one is wrong.so like. yeah. live action beauty and the beast, man.

[icharchivist]

Oh no I agree w/you on not being hard on fans who think differently. One of the reasons I like fan discussions is to read other people's thoughts and try to understand where the ones I disagree w/are coming from. That's just my personal view and reading of the character. I think lately the stress has been getting to Chaoji so he's extra harsh and that's going to be unattractive to Allen's friends. I also think he's wording things the wrong way. It'd be better if he said I'll fight the Noah -

2 instead of I'll fight Allen or telling Allen's friends to forget about him. In this way Chaoji is, whether he means to or not, making it sound like Allen is JUST a Noah. Which.... Is actually a interesting thought. What does the average person think how a Noah works? Does he think Allen is 100% gone now? *shrugs* Either way agree to disagree on some parts. I have no probs w/fans so forgive me if it sounded I was harsh to them. I was just naming of groups I saw and thought it was interesting.

Ahh alright, sorry then for the lecture! it’s fine, don’t worry now that it’s cleared up. 

I think i’m getting a little paranoid of some fandom arguments? especially when it starts to involve how some fans react to some controversial events. Bigger fandoms have been so filled with dramas (there had been a lot of push back against people liking not pure uwu characters that i get defensive at the idea of judging how someone may approach a controversial character they may like) i tend to end up having red flags over silly things i would probably have used myself a few years back. 

Your argument was fine, and honestly pretty mild in that term, i guess i’ve just had seen enough more virulent argument to be a little.. *alarms bells* upon reading some vague keywords. 

So my point is, my bad, i’ve got a little defensive there and judged your ask too harshly. I apologize.

Now back to the topic, yeah agreed on Chaoji. I honestly think Chaoji doesn’t know what details makes a Noah? I mean, the Order didn’t know before Road made her introduction and the Bookmen had to explain to them a few things. No one knows what it is like to turn into a Noah, no one knows about the awakened memories, and hell, the 14th is already a specific sort of Noah (i say it with all the love, but Nea isn’t a Noah Memory like Joyd is, he’s a parasite inside Allen’s body: his own being, not a memory that awoke in Allen, so even that when you know Noah’s development logic, is weird)

Chaoji didn’t become an exorcist until after the Ark’s arc and no one had any reasons too explain to that random crew man who was just helping carrying Lenalee around what little secrets they had learn about the Noah. So I think Chaoji still sees them as “they control the Akuma, they are rotten to the core, and once they turn there’s no come back”, perhaps projecting what he knows of the Akuma (which in which case is true, once an akuma, the only thing you can do is kill them with innocence for salvation - no attempt to really save them. Which makes me think, Chaoji did know Chomesuke- i think he wasn’t developped enough to have a reaction to him, but the fact Chomesuke had to destroy himself bc he couldn’t resist to its nature anymore might have added to this argument that there is no salvation for Dark Matter). 

For Chaoji I really don’t think he had the time to know about Noah stuff, and everything we know about how Noah comes to be come from Noah’s POV, so not something the Order may know, let alone a stubborn exorcist who hates them by principle. Allen tends to extend his compassion to non-humans because in a way... if he had seen Mana as non human the moment he would have turned him as an Akuma i think Allen couldn’t have stand it. (also i ended up mixing up with FMA but that reminded me of how Ed refused to kill the armor guys in the Lab 5 even when they kept saying they weren’t human anymore, because if he did so it would just imply that his brother isn’t human either and that it’s his fault that it is like that. I think the same reasoning can be applied to Allen @ the Akuma and extend to the Noah as long as the Noah are on the “side” of the Akuma. Ironically though considering “Mana” ended up becoming a Noah. Well. Always was, but you get my point)

Meanwhile the only strong feeling we’ve seen from an exorcist @ the Noah for being a Noah, was Kanda saying that since they are humans (which Skinn repeated) then they could be killed. Which i personally always took as a reassurance on Kanda’s part of reclaiming his own humanity and Alma’s, since they were denied it as kids and perhaps the only thing that, after all the horrors Alma had done, that made him human was that Kanda could kill him. Kanda asserting the Noah’s humanity in order to convince himself that death is part of humanity would, if i’m correct, be a sort of projection to protect that memory and identity, the same way Allen projects on others. 

But for the others, Lenalee had never hesitated around the Noah, even upon meeting Road, she quickly fought back. Lavi has a bad experience with Noah but he’s neutral enough to care more about what Allen wants in the end (when Allen wants to rescue Tyki the whole thing is about “the guys at the Order will look badly at it but if you think it’s important...” and not “why you do want to rescue the guy i wanted to kill a few hours ago”)Then there’s mainly Krory with the twins (and Lenalee to an extend) and I think there was too much irritation going on about them being brats more than them being Noah that went on there. 

But from Chaoji’s point of view who knew nothing about them, had spent his life hating the dark matter for taking what he loved, he saw.... Well Tyki playing with Lavi’s grief and threatening Lenalee, before trapping them in the Ark and trying to kill Allen, he’s seen Skinn  attack everyone and they then left Kanda behind with him, he’s been here a huge chuck of the Jasdebi fight just to see the Twins being Absolute Disaster Making You Lose Faith In Anything They Ever Represent (And It Happens To Be The Noah This Time) (did i ever mention that i love those stupid twins? I love them. They’re so dumb.), Road destroying Lavi’s mind and torturing Allen into forcing him to destroy Lavi, and finally the Lullubel attack on the Order that killed a huge amount of people. And if we extend the timeline to when he could have caught up his next meeting with the Noah in the Alma arc made him KO, kidnapped Lavi and Bookman who are now thought dead, and Fiidora’s parasites tortured him when he was powerless to save Lavi and Bookman, which might add some feeling of guilt there by the by. 

Without understanding of the Noah he just saw... the sheer destruction they brought along with them.

So Allen saying “I might become a Noah and you will have to kill me” - well I think seeing how horrible the Noah had been up to this point was enough for Chaoji to think that if Allen became one, it would override all of the good qualities Allen had. After all he has never seen the Noah before they became Noah.

Tbh It makes me even wonder if being introducted to Tyki in his human form (and Road to her human form as well but it’s more minor than how they befriended Tyki before that) may have made more possible for Allen to want to try to see that humanity. Because he saw this humanity with how Tyki behaved with his friends. More than just... hearing about “Oh apparently he has friends” that Chaoji would have heard from Allen, Lavi and Krory’s reaction upon meeting Tyki again. 

In a way, the fact Krory also has this association adding to how much he cares for Allen to relativise the way “becoming a Noah” might affect Allen - in a way Chaoji cannot. Because Krory saw Tyki having seemingly meaningful friendships with humans so, becoming a Noah wouldn’t come out as completely monstruous for him a way someone who just know the Noah might. (that, and also how his love for Eliade was serious and might make him more willing to believe in that humanity, even if Eliade told him in the end that she was just using him. Krory didn’t know she was lying - but he might hold on to that feeling).

So adding to all of Chaoji’s unchecked prejudice, there is this complete unknown over people he had only known as cruel. He has never seen their humanity the way Lavi, Krory, Kanda and Allen has. Then again yeah it doesn’t excuse anything because Miranda and Lenalee for exemple are in the same situation having suffered first hand from tortures from, well, Road for exemple, but trusting Allen above all while just as much in the dark. Even if depending how much the infos Bookman gave came to Miranda and Lenalee before Chaoji joined the Exorcist Group.

So that ended up being a lot of rambling dkjhfd but my point is that therefore, Allen is the one to see the humanity of the Noah the most, Krory and Lavi has reason to at least know personally Tyki’s human side to doubt how the Noah’s cruelty works, Kanda had had how he met with Skinn to approach it, else every exorcists before Chaoji was recruited might have heard a bit from Bookman but that’s it. Any other sort of acknowledging this humanity would come with trusting Allen. Which Chaoji doesn’t. 

And no one knows what “becoming a Noah” is like. And while Chaoji wasn’t there and i’m certain Lveille lied, but Allen did have a swift change of behavior and personality at least twice in the Alma’s arc for everyone to see (when talking to the Earl + when Kanda stabbed him). Even Johnny saw that. A second hand retelling could just convince Chaoji “well perhaps he had no control and it doesn’t matter what kind of person he was - once a Noah, you become a monster” and that could be enough.

That was a lot of ramble i’m so sorry dkjhfd but yeah. It’s a mess. 

And it’s just... there’s no way Chaoji can know. All he could do would be to trust Allen. Even seeking for answers isn’t exactly a position Chaoji is in, even if it would be preferable if he did question what he thought so far (like the others do) rather than just thinking “yup, he’s a goner, i’ll fight him”

if that makes any sense kdjhfd

idk Chaoji’s perspective is kinda fascinating to me. I dislike that he has it and doesn’t question it, but it’s fascinating to see how being emotionally disconnected from every elements we have ended up caring about can make someone like this. It really shows the price of emotional investment for me to see how Chaoji behave. He’s kinda the Counter-audience in that regard. And that’s what makes him fascinating, for as much as i dislike him as a person ahah. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: Where are we putting the exchange then? What rooms are empty rn? Grace: I volunteered to share mine, but mum wasn't having it 😂 Grace: Juniors? I mean like, they can always run away to the barn if you can keep your barista bf away from it Janis: Yeah, they don't need that much room Janis: most people got 'em sleeping in the dining room or whatever so consider yourself lucky Janis: Help you clean it later if it needs Grace: OMG imagine if we'd done that. Dad would be waking them up at all hours with custard tarts and whatever Grace: Cringe! Grace: 🙄 Gotta sort my own first obvs but I doubt there's anything major Janis: S'gonna be cringe regardless but free holiday at the end of it 👌 Janis: Dust off the trophies probs Janis: fucking golden boy Grace: You think? Grace: Ugh true! Grace: Maybe we shouldn't put him in there, he might assume we're all overachieving weirdos Grace: nu-uh honey Janis: Yeah, god knows what kinda melts they're sending Janis: seen half of our lot that are doing it? unlucky, like Janis: meh, idc Janis: rather that than thick as shit surely Grace: omg don't Grace: if he doesn't look like Diego Luna circa dirty dancing 2 what are we even! Grace: You might not care but i'm DYING for new faces around here Grace: UMMM excuse you, he can talk to me to find out that I'm not Janis: I have no idea who you're on about Janis: you know they aren't staying forever, yeah? Grace: HUSH GIRL Grace: Like I'm gonna stay here forever, PLEASE! Janis: Okay, you're running away to buttfuck nowhere in Spain Janis: Solid plan, babe Grace: I never said that, babes Grace: There's a whole world out there that needs to get ready for me Janis: Right Grace: That better be genuine, you bitch! 😂 Janis: if you like Janis: wasn't but if we're being mental today Grace: RUDE Grace: How am I being mental? Janis: over-excitable then, as per Janis: spanish inquisition rocking up ain't no thing to get your knickers in a twist about Janis: they're just gonna be more of the same Grace: 🙄 Grace: Cos we get one decent new boy come around in a lifetime, right? Grace: I know you can only get excited about one lad but give me a break Janis: Didn't say that Janis: just saying, they're still teenagers, not a new species Grace: ugh 👌 Grace: Do this mean you're not gonna help me pick an outfit for my first impression? Janis: do you want my help Janis: really Grace: that's why I asked, babes Grace: Gotta get myself across before everyone else starts talking 🙉 Janis: Yeah Janis: alright then Grace: 🙇 Grace: Now can I be excited?? 😏 Janis: No doubt Janis: love having a captive audience you 😜 Grace: Gotta get that validation where I can now that so many of my vids are private Grace: New 🍂 same me 😂 Janis: You sure you got the right person here? 😂 Grace: No but you're the best I've got so 🤞 Grace: If Rio ever called a bitch back you'd be off the hook Janis: Too busy with her new freaky fam for this one now babe Grace: Where's the lie? Janis: can't say I blame her, like Janis: but could at least show up and get me out of this Grace: Rude Grace: It'll be fun. Promise Grace: I got sent some really good freebies after my last upload if you need an extra incentive Grace: Not even all make up like Janis: Whatever, it's cool Janis: as long as I get to be brutally honest Grace: Duh Janis: what else could a girl need, like Grace: Literally Grace: OMG bring the boy so I can get a male POV Janis: 😂 Nah Janis: you think he has any fashion sense Grace: SHADE Grace: he did fall for you tho, so valid Grace: No trying to show up with an angry P.E teacher vibe Janis: 🖕 funny Grace: You didn't get all the sense of humour in the womb, babes Janis: someone had one to shove us in there together Grace: Honestly Grace: So when you coming home?? Grace: I'll start pulling possible looks ASAP Janis: Just heading gym so Janis: got an hour to whittle down Janis: and if I see a sequin I'm out Grace: Oh honey no Grace: They aren't showing up at cocktail hour Janis: and you aren't five years old Grace: OMG that's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me Janis: more of a reminder than a compliment but have at it Grace: Sure Jan Grace: It's okay I won't tell anyone we're playing nice Grace: Gotta take all the credit for whatever magic you think you can work anyways Janis: They'll just think you're being delusional as per Janis: I can't lose, like Janis: still think you can just whack out a fucking flamenco dress and call it a day Janis: racial stereotyping to get the ball rolling, why not Grace: UGH DON'T Grace: You know someone will Grace: Michelle Tavistock 100% is tempted I can just tell Grace: #ironic like EW NO, HUN Janis: probably get her some and all Janis: rubbing their hands together like stupid english girl Grace: So gross Grace: How long before some starts an #irish pride situ too like Janis: the lads when they see none of the spanish lasses are thick enough to ride 'em Grace: 😂 Grace: If Pablo starts anything I will die Grace: You think I'm cringe babes but omg Janis: Nightmare, pair of you Janis: forgetting the spanish for brother and sister on purpose Grace: On purpose, yeah, sure Janis: Ha, puta springs to mind easy enough so shut up Grace: How dare you Grace: I'm Zorra or I'm nothing 💘 Janis: basura 💩 Grace: I so knew you were gonna say that Janis: clean up your act then, babe Grace: EXCUSE YOU Grace: 1. I have 2. rude of you to shame me Janis: yeah yeah yeah 😉 Grace: Ignoring you now Janis: Finally Grace: 🙄 Janis: 😂 Grace: But seriously I can't believe you're leaving loverboy and going off to do your half 💔 Janis: Dramatic Janis: not joined at the hip Grace: Uh YEAH you are Grace: He's gonna be well tragic without you Janis: He'll survive, babe Grace: Not me you gotta convince Grace: Bless him Janis: Shut up Janis: we're not 12 Grace: All the more reason Grace: He's got it so bad Janis: Nah Grace: You'll see when you have your Rom Com style airport moment, babes Grace: Just you wait Janis: That won't be happening Janis: gonna go airport at the arse crack of dawn 'cos the teacher's are sadists and that's when they booked the flights Janis: I think not Grace: Like that'll stop him being all 😍🎕💕 Grace: So into you 💍 Janis: you're mad if you think I'm letting that happen Grace: 😂 Grace: You're as bad Grace: Gross af the pair of you Janis: psh Janis: only 'cos you're so obsessed with me Janis: no one in this fam knows boundaries Grace: including you Grace: all over that boy 24/7 Janis: piss off Grace: Hey, not judging, just making a point Janis: well, you got it wrong alright Grace: Chill, you're in love it's a good thing Janis: I ain't though Grace: 🙄 Grace: Okay babe Janis: what would you know about it Grace: I've got 👀 Grace: Calm down, I'll drop it Janis: do Grace: 👌

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

After smacking Mia one (and Jim).

Janis: Soz about the shiner, like Janis: Dunna how to dodge like a decent ref should obvs...you should work on that Janis: But forreal, you're welcome for the time you got to spend in the head's office with a cold press on #schoolboyfantasiesaremadeofthis Jimmy: 🤔 You mean this tiny insignificant scratch like Jimmy: I'd say get the pads out but between you and your nan lately I'm not sure my ego's up for that Jimmy: Your plan all along was it? 👌 she's no type of mine but I appreciate you trying to be a mate 😉 Jimmy: Best bit was Gracie doing her bit to defend my honor at the end there. Maybe I DO owe her one 😂 Janis: Alright, monty python 😂 don't be a hero on my account...oh wait, advice coming too late, my bad 😉 Janis: Ah well, if you're not fancying it like, pal, good thing I'll have her to myself all this week AND next 🙄 thanks mia... now THAT was the real plan all along 😏 Janis: At least you know what her shout is already 👍 though if you could spit in Mia's next, I think she'd take that and call it quits Janis: If you make like Rocky and get steak up on your bruises, I'll get my Da to cook it for ya after, we settled too then, yeah? 😘 Jimmy: Mia's plan 100% 🙄 Am I meant to be offended that she thinks you're a lesbian still? Because I'm taking it as a compliment #prettyboy 😂 Jimmy: Shame I've got too many disciplinaries to have her banned it'd be one less skinny latte to have to expertly craft Jimmy: Maybe. What sides are we talking about? I think one more smack down and I'll be demanding my chips triple cooked Jimmy: Warn your relatives Janis: Assumedly, pretending here her stinging text slams had her intended effect, and didn't just make me fall about, like #facesoprettyyoudontseeascar 🤞 Janis: Ugh, tell your boss to do one, 'cos they'd lose half their business if you did, think on, dickhead 😒 Janis: Know your worth, babe Janis: Gotta respect that Janis: At least my Brother doesn't need to bother fighting you now I beat him to it, ay? Jimmy: Who'd you wanna be, princess (bless Gracie Lou) and basketcase already taken and athlete being the obvious choice 💪 Jimmy: Tempting offer but you can do better Jimmy: Of course that was 1 of the 10! Should've seen that coming Jimmy: Can't lie I'd much rather take you on 😉 Janis: Never seen it 🤷 but boy is Charlie Sheen's bro, yeah? So sounds legit for the family I have to endure 😏 Janis: You're not gonna end up with Grace in the end are ya? 😤 just 'cos you wanna rock the leather fingerless gloves #lewk Janis: I'll never tell 😉 his ego definitely ain't up for that Janis: we can have a rematch any time any place Janis: i'm ready 💪 Jimmy: Me either. Still break you out though. Isn't that what they do? 🤔 I'll ask your sister but not before she gives me of precious bling to take down cash converters Jimmy: My bad boy image has taken too much of a battering, literal, for me to refuse the fashion 😎 Jimmy: Let's go then. There isn't a nurse but I can still play the concussed care and run. Say when. Janis: Probs after some cringe bonding and bants, thank GOD we got that outta the way, mate 😜 Janis: Most of her jewels are from Primark so I dunna how golden your chances are, don't tell anyone like #banginonabudget Janis: What lesson you in anyway? In PE rn so usually you wouldn't get a look-in (you ain't that special, babe) but they got me coaching the first years girls for a fucking team management module and...Give me strength Janis: we talking screaming when the ball comes their way levels Janis: so I'm making them do laps whilst I shout encouragements about how it ain't that cold from my warm as shit coat, like any gym teach worth their salt 😉 Janis: Gonna get an A, like Jimmy: Oh I dunno, you and Mia still need to hug it out 😉 bet she'd love it too 💘 Jimmy: I'm in art of course #tortured soul and everyone knows you're my muse so done deal there. Jimmy: I'd come snapping but I don't need the rep that'd come with background first years in their shorts Janis: I'd sooner watch a thousand chick flicks with Gracie Janis: amongst other fates worse than death Janis: but honestly #whyareyousoobsessedwithmehun? #toolittletoolateforthisloveaffair Janis: That's probably why you're so tortured 😉 Edie Sedgewick I ain't Janis: Nah, that wouldn't help your case, there's only so much bashing that I can be a party to in a day... Janis: I get to swap with Kayleigh Dwyer next period, meant to go write up about my experience but sure I can as easily do that wherever you need to get your inspiration from, like Jimmy: 😂 it's the curse of being so #goals, hun Jimmy: I don't have a clue who that is but like I've said before you take a decent picture. Now don't get a big head (it'd fuck with my framing terrible) but it isn't half bad being stuck with you Jimmy: There is always Mia's 🦆 pout if you're really busy but like Jimmy: Since you aren't I'm thinking back to mine? Twix will happily hear about any of your running or ball based experiences Janis: Kayleigh? Rude, she sits next to you in English, the one drooling all over you and the desk? Bless her, she'll be devvo 😂 Janis: I forgot you haven't had an Ali McKenna education, she was Andy Warhol's main bitch (aside from Basquiat, tea) in all his shit films, Bob Dylan was hard for her too but she weren't really arsed so he wrote Like A Rolling Stone about her Janis: At least you didn't come for my life that hard post-bath Janis: Bad enough like, I'd have to fake my own death forreal then Janis: She'd fucking love that...do her dirty in the edit, boo, no facetune 😂 Janis: A girl after my own heart that dog, kindred spirts 😍 Janis: sounds good, always down for being out of this dump Janis: your Da's unlikely to pop back for lunch, yeah? Jimmy: I've been calling her Kourtney #awkward Jimmy: Bet she loves it anyway Jimmy: Speaking of, I still have that project to finish up (deadlines long enough to hang yourself with cheers ms sheppard) might dedicate some space on that edit to the lot of them. Fancy helping as well as inspiring? 😈 Jimmy: #satireorshadeisit? Jimmy: Good. Keep the lovefest away from me. Last thing I need is Twix licking my wounds Jimmy: Packed up his sarnies myself so we're set Janis: The KardashiKlan clout, everyone knows she's the CLASSIEST sister, SO fitting 😂 Janis: Can't be anything but a sweetheart, can you? N'awwh! Janis: Hell yeah, you clearly need my talents for cuntery, you bring the skillz, I'll bring my winning personality and large head, like Janis: How fucking rude though, tell her to keep her antiseptic spit to herself 💅 #menaintshitbabygirl #imsorryyouhadtolearnthislessonsosoon Janis: Like I said, you're just too good for this world 😇 Janis: Maybe I'll find the time between being a muse and bad influence to make you one Janis: Its no steak apology but Jimmy: 👍 Too right Jimmy: Maybe if we take the mad bitch out she won't chew a hole in anyone's face (tempting as that'd be if it was any of Mia's squad) been enough facial damages sustained for one day Jimmy: Get some very #aesthetic shots for my A Jimmy: 😇 Always on that good boy track Jimmy: Maybe I can shout you a pie and pint in that spirit Janis: Goes without saying, need the skirting and your Da's shoes to be safe for another day Janis: Should bin off the rest of the day altogether, then you could take Twix to pick the kiddo's up, Cass would be made up getting to show her off Janis: you always after those best big bro points, I know Janis: and I know it, you always want me to protest too much the other way like 😈 Janis: wholesome afternoon of dog walking and homework with bae, no wonder the entire female population of the school is so jealous 😉😘 Jimmy: Did you just have a good idea? 😮 Jimmy: But yeah world's most bog standard bro coming through 🏆💪 get that middleschool clout cass 😎 Jimmy: We just can't stop being #goals however hard we try. Damn 😘 Janis: Don't sound so surprised dickhead! I'm a wealth of cunning plans or have you forgotten Janis: Didn't hit you that hard Janis: Now who's being modest Jimothy 😊 you know you're bestest Janis: whoda thunk it, bitch, not I Jimmy: Been a while can't blame me 😏 Jimmy: 💕 Cute Jimmy: How will I survive the aft? Janis: We can go back there if you really pining Janis: and I'M the one who's sexuality is always in question Janis: #fakebaebetterthanarealone Janis: Ha ha, keep testing me and you might not Jimmy: You'd never make it. Can't get enough of me 💋 Jimmy: If you'd rather be in school doing their tests don't let me stop you 😏 Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: Told you i'm bad Janis: 😑 Janis: bet you break before i do Janis: we'll see how bad you are, won't we Jimmy: Last shift's 💶 on it Janis: Done Janis: I've got my eye on some new kicks Janis: At least even when you lose you can still pretend you treated me 😜 Jimmy: When you lose you can pretend you don't need a man to treat you Jimmy: so many #s in that for you Janis: Imma win when I PROVE I don't need you to treat me as much as you need me to treat you, sucka! Janis: and there ain't no point in nothing if it doesn't make your 'gram captions pop off #truerwordsneverspoken Jimmy: We'll see Jimmy: so soon too ⏲ Janis: you started your countdown already, boy? Janis: keeeeeeeen Jimmy: Not ready? Shame Janis: Born ready Janis: Admittedly, got the upper hand, nothing sexy about first year girls, despite what some fourth year boys might believe Janis: you surrounded by all them loose af art hoes Jimmy: How rude of me not to pull all your focus Jimmy: yep, those blunt fringes really get me goin Janis: Well s'why I know I got the W in the bag 🤷 Janis: Called that in the air Janis: whip off those unnecessary nerd glasses and there's real beauty under there Janis: #hotdamn Jimmy: For a rom com hater you've got all the cliches down 😂 Jimmy: Quietly confident now. That shit won't help you off screen 🏆💪 Janis: Oh, you don't recall how pushy my sister is? Janis: Let's call this off rn and she'd be happy to remind you herself I'm sure 😏 Janis: I'm sure you've learnt PLENTY off a whole different typa romcom that is all types of fucked IRL Jimmy: Only if she promises to bring Tam too. I need that model height for my shoot naturally Janis: You really wanna be that letchy photographer stereotype, huh? Janis: Get the whole squad 'round for a sesh Janis: Just know they'll start a # Jimmy: #rolloutladies Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'll #bowout of that one thanks Janis: Sure? It'll give you a better chance of winning the bet Janis: #knackered Jimmy: I'd rather lose Jimmy: #takemymoneyandrunaslongasIcancomewith Janis: Sweet talker. Janis: Meant to be me with the gift of the gab 🍀 Jimmy: nope, real talker Jimmy: Got up close and personal enough with Mia today thanks. Still washing these hands Janis: Same, despite what she might think, not something I fancy repeating either Janis: Though I will if she talks shit one more time Janis: So watch out if you don't want the other side to match, like Jimmy: Don't make me say I'll do it all again Jimmy: so many stereotypes already in this chat Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Ew. 💋 Janis: Best get your chat to as high a standard as poss tho, as all the guards and other inmates will be listening in Janis: Reckon's her Da can actually get me done Janis: Bitch be serious Jimmy: Doesn't he sell cars? Janis: Lmao, no Janis: Though he is 100% a used car salesman in aesthetic, you're spot on Janis: He is a lawyer or some shit so he knows realistically who gives a shit about a playground scrap but he'll try and scare my parents like they're fucking idiots so no one is ever mean to his little princess again Janis: That type 🙄 Jimmy: She wants to be a yank so bad it must hurt Jimmy: Remind me to cut my pops so slack next time he's pissing me off Jimmy: could be so much worse Janis: Too bad she's a few hundred years late for the mass migration to the states Janis: Only looking famished, like Janis: Same, wouldn't hate being as spoilt as she is but you know Jimmy: Yep, too bad you'll be waiting for those kicks Jimmy: 🎅's your best bet Jimmy: Not too late to back out 😏 Jimmy: Keep on his good side Janis: No chance Janis: I can keep him on side by keeping away from yours, simple 😜 Jimmy: You sure? There's literally songs about how much he loves 💋 Jimmy: I think he'll be mad if you don't cave Janis: 💋 for him from MILFs maybe Janis: I don't think it'll pain him to see you go without Janis: I see no mistletoe, like #demstherules Jimmy: 👌 Bet stays on Jimmy: Take your chances Janis: Way to make me sound more predatory than the big man 😲😂 Janis: If you're that scared, we can mark it down to a lose for you by default 😉 Jimmy: Not when I'll have you begging for a draw in a bit. Easy Jimmy: Just get ready to accept your loss, not reason we should both be sore Jimmy: #bruisedandbattered Janis: Pretty cocky for a boy who can't even promise A FEW bruises, like 😜 Jimmy: Waste of a 🤞 Jimmy: why talk about it when I can just do it Janis: As long as you start it, I'm allowed to finish it Janis: win win for me 😊 Jimmy: Cocky for a lass who hasn't won anything against me yet Janis: 😡 Janis: it wasn't a fair fight all those other times, thank you very much Jimmy: Maybe you were faking the skills as well as the 💕 Jimmy: awwh Janis: You won't be finding out any time soon Janis: ✌ Jimmy: So you keep saying, all talk I think 😂 Janis: All talk no action is right Janis: Prick 🖕😂 Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: You're about me Jimmy: unlucky ☘ Janis: Shh Janis: Not all bad, I suppose, at least you've got a cute dog 😘 Jimmy: good point, what a you offering? first year having an asthma attack? 😂 #goals Janis: I never said I had anything worth sticking 'round for Janis: More fool ye for your 😍 Jimmy: Secret's safe. I won't tell Mia Janis: I think she's pretty confident she knows where she and I lie on the pecking order already 😂 Janis: not coming for her 👑 Jimmy: just her 👃 Janis: What can I say? Save daddy the surgery fees Jimmy: you're the 😇 you think I am Janis: it has been said Janis: oh wait, no it hasn't, ever 😂 Jimmy: Only because 🐶 can't speak Janis: The love is so real Janis: Its all the treats and walkies, maybe I'll have to employ the same technique on you when the bet is up Janis: Worth a shot 🎯 Jimmy: Start now #worthashot #haveyoubeentricked? 😂 Janis: I'm not quite as easy to distract as Twix Janis: All these dog comparisons, bit rude tbh, don't think I appreciate Janis: Will piss on your boots tho Jimmy: Unless we're playing pool or darts Jimmy: Make sure they're mine. My dad has only just replaced his Janis: Wasn't even you, it was pub lighting and a prick munching on his crisps too loud at the bar #dontflatterlike Janis: Will do 👍 I'm not looking to make him dislike me anymore than I already have lol Jimmy: #surejan Jimmy: least he's never about so no drama there. Been enough for one day Janis: #ihateu Janis: what's he even do, like? dead busy Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Warehouse Jimmy: Very much #goals Janis: Ah fun, lots of shitty shifts and long days like, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt too for being such a prick about poor Twix then Jimmy: Probably shouldn't. He bought her Janis: True...People never think how big a commitment a dog is though Janis: Twix be giving them puppy dog eyes like a pro Jimmy: before 🎄 too though what a prick Jimmy: can't even use the excuse Janis: Bleh Janis: Shoulda clued him in like 😉 #cuffed Jimmy: if I'd known he was going to do it I would've Jimmy: done now though Janis: Yeah, its just another stress you don't need, like? 😕 Jimmy: Snagged me you so maybe she's worth keeping about 😏 Jimmy: Because yeah she does take all the credit Janis: Smooth 😋 Janis: Can't go breaking my heart now, nor the kiddo's for that Janis: I can start taking her out again in the mornings, don't miss much 'bout dem days but it was decent having a running buddy Jimmy: Fancy some company or you wanna be alone with your true love? Janis: You reckon you can keep up, yeah? Janis: Not having you slowing me down 😉 Jimmy: Can't be using me as your excuse thanks 💪 Jimmy: maybe I'll come with then when I'm not working, leave you in no doubt Janis: Its a date, mate Jimmy: 💕 Janis: That's probably them more than sufficiently warmed up Janis: Get back to work, slacker 💚 Jimmy: 🎨📷 will do Jimmy: not too hard though, gotta keep my 💪 up for the victory party you'll owe me Janis: In your dreams, baby 💋 Jimmy: see you there 😘