#i'm actually (unjustifiably) proud of this

[firstkanaphans]

Helloooo, can you tell us more about the differences you spotted in The Eclipse novel vs the show? How is Ayan, specifically? I read somewhere that he's way hornier haha

So, overall, the two are very similar. P'Golf and P'Yokee should be very proud of themselves because The Eclipse series is one of the best on-screen adaptations I've ever seen. P'Golf had tried to gain the rights to this story even prior to learning that GMMTV already owned it and you can see their passion for the source material in the final product.

The biggest difference between the novel and the series that I've found so far is that Thua isn't the one who outs Akk as gay—Jumnan, the leader of The World Remembers gang, does. And while that's still an incredibly shitty thing to do, Akk did literally try to murder him and his friends, so it's not like it was entirely unjustified.

Thua does, however, still out Akk as being the one behind the curse. He is a lot more manipulative in the novel and there is even some suggestion that he pursued his relationship with Kan simply to get more information on Akk.

As for Aye's horniness level, I would say it's about on par with the series. If anything, Akk is the one that's hornier, but that's to be expected since the majority of the novel is in his POV. Starting about halfway through the book, Akk literally cannot be in Aye's presence without popping a boner.

That being said, I've only got one chapter left to translate and the two of them still haven't actually kissed, so I'm very doubtful there's any kind of sex scene in the first book. (Which means I'm going to have to translate the second one, too 🫠). Despite that, there is one particularly memorable incident where Akk pins Aye against a wall and finds the whole situation so arousing that he comes fully clothed and completely untouched in the middle of the school hallway. Because that's just who he is as a person, apparently.

I've managed to procure a shiny new AO3 account in the past week, so my plan is to start posting my translation as soon as I finish. I didn't want to post it on my usual account because I know there's a chance it might get nuked. If for some reason the translation gets taken down before I can post the full thing, I can put it in a Google doc for you guys. It's really a great book and it has only enhanced my enjoyment of the series.

[moonstruckme]

Hi Mae! I’m gonna ramble in your inbox for a sec don’t mind me

So it’s graduation season (as you are very aware, congrats btw!!) and I just graduated high school today and it was great but it was also really sad (and I’m aware this is very dumb to complain about because a lot of people have no one around them to support them and I am very lucky because I do) but I was there alone up until the ceremony started and my family came to watch.

And I know that I wasn’t the only one getting ready alone but it made me kinda sad to see all these kids with their parents helping them get ready and taking care of them and I didn’t have that. And I know that it’s not because my parents don’t love me, they just always have so much going on and I’ve always kinda had to look after myself and I’m usually fine. (And realistically I know if they were there it would probably be way more stressful) but for some reason it just made me really sad. I was struggling to get all my stuff on right so much that the girl in front of me had to help T-T and I just kept thinking that I wish I had a mom there.

Thankfully I had friends there who were looking after me too (one of them gave me free rein of his chocolate pretzels ♥️) and my teachers were all really great but I was literally on the verge of tears all day bc of all the emotions T-T

Also a random guy saw me waiting after the ceremony by myself and just said “congratulations, kiddo” i literally almost started bawling 😭 so I am very lucky that I had more support than a lot of other people, I was just kinda lonely for a bit. (I really hope this doesn’t come across like I’m ungrateful rip)

Anyways that’s all!! I hope things are going well for you!

Hi lovely, I don't think that's dumb to complain about at all!

I actually think I really get where you're coming from, my parents are divorced and often I find it easier to tell them I'm just going to do things on my own rather than mediate who will be with me at what time and where, so lots of the big parent-centered events in my life have been by myself too. I understand that you want to give them credit where it's due, and I think it's a good thing that you still know how much they love and care for you but it's totally understandable to feel sad regardless.

It's so kind and considerate of others to try and step in for you when they see you don't have the support they do, but I know that in the moment that also doesn't always feel great. When I was little my dad never wanted to come to anything and often my friends' dads would take turns doing the thing with me so I didn't feel left out, and that was so so sweet of them but I was pretty embarassed at the time! It's not nice to feel pitiful, and the idea that people are perceiving the same thing as you are in your parents' absence probably didn't make you feel better.

Like you said, none of that detracts from how loved you truly are, and it sounds like you know this already but it seems like you also have all this excess love pouring in from the people around you!! I'm incapable of not looking for silver lining, and to me all those kind people are definitely something to be grateful for, but also I think it's okay to let yourself mope a little if you want to my love. Don't deny how you feel because you think it's dumb or unjustified or anything of the kind! I promise you it's very valid.

Congratulations on your graduation sweetheart!! I'm sure your family are all very proud of you, as well as the friends who were there for you on the day (and me too!!). I hope you enjoy a lovely summer and take some time to reward yourself for all your hard work before whatever comes next <3

[discofama]

So I guess I'm a Chuck McGill apologist. RANT.

I mean, think it this way. People are super harsh to a character who's mentally ill, accusing him of only wishing for the worst and hating his younger brother, who he saved from jail and gave a job under the promise of never ever running a scam again, which said younger brother did even before he felt betrayed by Chuck, and tried to hide it from him (something he probably did before).

People love to be nice to Jimmy because of the stuff he went through, but what about what Chuck went through? Their father died (we can assume related to stress) shortly after closing his store, something that was partly Jimmy's fault. Even if the amount he stole was less that Chuck thought, he still did it. And probably the way Jimmy dealed with it was the same way he dealed with the loss of Chuck and Kim: pretend he didn't care, or that he had nothing to do with it. Is Chuck's resentment for his brother completely unjustified?

Then there's his divorce, and the development of a mental condition. People underestimate how much this last thing can fuck up a person, of course Chuck is being irrational and explosive sometimes! And of course he wanted to hurt Jimmy any way he could after he humiliated him in court and destroyed his reputation as a lawyer, the last thing he had left (will go there later), to win the case and avoid the consequences of something he ACTUALLY DID. Not saying it was okay for him to say that stuff to Jimmy, but pretending like he meant it all (and even that he was 100% wrong) is watching the show while blind and deaf.

Chuck didn't try to end Jimmy's career until the billboard scam, what he was convinced proved him right and that Jimmy needed to be dealt with before he went too far again. Maybe if he didn't do that and kept playing it straight, Chuck would've accepted him in HHM when he brought the Sandpiper case! Maybe not, but that seems like a possibility to be considered, just like everybody likes to say and to say that Jimmy would've never became what he became if Chuck had hired him and patted his head like a puppy. Maybe! But Jimmy never should've felt entitled to it from the beginning just because he's Chuck's brother.

Most of the series they're fighting and that makes us forget that they actually kept a good relationship for many years. They never really understood each other and what the other felt for them and that was a big mistake, but as far as we know, nothing as catastrophic happened between them before the events of the series. Sure, Chuck had that secret, but I don't really think it was that big of a deal. What hurt Jimmy was that he lied to him, so his mistake there was being too much of a coward to tell his brother the truth. Just a "I'm sorry, Jimmy, but I can't just hire you out of nowhere, you need to advance your career on your own and maybe someday!" Jimmy would've been upset but surely would get over it. But no.

Honestly that's I think Chuck's biggest mistake that was the beginning of the end for their relationship, and I think it shows that, just like Jimmy, Chuck was willing to lie to keep his brother's love. I really can't think of another reason he lied to him, perhaps he was worried that Jimmy would make a scandal? I don't think so but I'll let it be nuanced and say it's a possibility. But I seriously think that, even if Chuck thought many bad things of him, of how dangerous he can be and how he didn't deserve to serve the law and be his equal after all he did, he actually tried to be proud of him! The way I read his attitude in that scene is telling me he was incredibly skeptical but trying to hope for the best. He didn't want to be bad to his brother! That's why he lied! He knew how crazy Jimmy can be and didn't want to take the risk of taking him under the firm he worked so hard to build, so what?

What I'm trying to say is that I don't understand how people think Chuck always hated Jimmy. I think all the flashbacks are there to show us that was not the case. He read him stories when he was a child, he saved him from prison and took him under his wing, they sang together, had fun together, he took care of him when he was drunk and made him breakfast, and he tried to have a heart to heart with him that was declined by Jimmy; this last thing we can assume happened many times as Chuck says "we always end up having the same conversation", and because we know how emotionally closed Jimmy is.

Then there's the mother scene. Oh boy. I've read people saying he didn't do it just because it'd destroy his brother to tell him he wasn't there while his mother called for him in her last breath, but while maybe that's what Chuck told himself or maybe it's the reason he never told him later, I don't think that's all. It's a fact Chuck was jealous of the way his parents preffered Jimmy. He was jealous of how charismatic his brother was. It's very human, specially as Chuck could see everything bad Jimmy did and he still was the favourite. It probably made him feel powerless how everyone ignored his warnings.

That's in my opinion the ugliest side of the character. Jealousy. And it's fine, it won't stop me from being his apologist cause that's not all he was! Not at all! I think Chuck did an effort to try and get over those feelings because he barely ever acted on them.

(btw it's also really bad that he used Howard to avoid being the bad guy, but the reasons are the same I stated above and this is focused on the brothers)

It's frustrating, it's infuriating to me that people treat him like he doesn't deserve compassion too. His last time on earth is heartbreaking to me. He'd lost everything he ever had. He lost his marriage, he became sick and was completely uncapable of even going out of his house, living in the dark for years, limiting social interaction and making him dependant of others. I repeat, do you understand how that can fuck up a person? Then the big downfall with his brother, the one closest to him at the time, and sure it was partly his fault, but I repeat. He. Was. Mentally ill. He was becoming more emotional and unstable with every stone in the way. And what Jimmy does to him next is atrocious! He finally can work again and he sabotages him! Then humiliates him and takes him down forever with the insurance thing. He had literally nothing left after that. Not his wife, not his brother, not his friend Howard, and now not his career. It was over for him.

His death is the most haunting one in the entirety of the Breaking Bad universe. It's tragic in a way only self destruction can be, it brings me despair to watch him actually hating his brother now and destroying his house as he relapses after trying so hard to get better. Just like his brother, unable to change.

[throttlegainwell]

Lmao there's a chance that the strategy I chose to rein in the angst in Iconoclast may just make it sad in a different way.

Spoilers (?) below cut, if you're curious from a structural perspective.

There are a few shorter scenes leading up to the real meat of the story--the scene where Joyce and Jonathan actually have a real, incredibly difficult conversation during which they keep playing hot potato with their feelings and it's sort of like pulling teeth getting Jonathan to actually talk about shit.

Joyce is trying her best, but her narration reflects her self-esteem, which is definitely better than it was before S1 but still not great. So she feels guilty about a lot of stuff, and the worse she realizes the problem is, the shittier she feels about it--this is unavoidable, though I've tried not to milk it too much or be very melodramatic about it. (Some melodrama is inevitable because it's Joyce, and it's not like she's unjustified here.)

The strategy is this: there's a series of vignettes between scenes that focus on Joyce and Jonathan over the years. Thematically, they're there as a thread so that at the end, when Joyce encourages Jonathan to dig his camera out of storage and photograph the family, it's a little victory--I've got various aspects of his journey through his love of photography, from him as a little kid trying to figure out people, to kind of discovering what photography is, Joyce saving up and getting him a camera of his own, and the first pictures he developed by himself. Joyce is supportive of him in all of these flashbacks. They're also there to show that no matter how down on herself Joyce is being, they have just as rich a history as she has with Will and she was there for him in some ways--she supported his artistic side and encouraged him to cultivate this interest, and no matter what, she was so proud of him for it. She loves that he has this. And it's a little nod to that subplot where Joyce still wants to convince him to go to college--he gets the camera and it's kind of meant to be hopeful, you know? It doesn't fix things, but it's a step in the right direction.

I mean, the story from Joyce's perspective is All the Ways I've Failed My Son: An Itemized List. So it's important to show that, no, she didn't fail him across the board--even if she definitely did in several ways--and she really did try, even if she's not quite seeing it here. It's meant to contrast with Joyce's take.

The last vignette (or the first--I can't quite decide whether it hurts less to have them in chronological order or reverse order, or whether this one would be too painful to end with, and I'd like for these to soften the blow, not add to it) is of Joyce pregnant for the first time and talking with Lonnie. She's really, genuinely happy here, and Lonnie is a douche but not awful, but like. Sometimes having the context of knowing what the future holds can make scenes like that excruciatingly sad, so it's a tough call. I'm leaning toward closing with it, but we'll see.

[kihteyu]

Whatre your thoughts on amitus arc?

(I'm assuming that was meant to say Amity so sorry if I'm wrong)

Amity’s whole character at the beginning was honestly pretty interesting to me. We’re introduced to her and immediately learn that she’s the stereotypical bully character and we aren’t meant to like her. However, it was hard to think about her anger towards Luz and Willow over what they did at Hexside as unjustifiable. I mean, I’d also be pretty mad if someone cheated at something I’ve been practicing hard at and making me look bad. Amity’s bullying was not okay, but it was hard to feel bad for her when she was the one being antagonized in that moment.

Then, almost the same exact thing happens again with the witch’s duel at the Covention except now we actually get to see just how upset over it Amity is. She isn’t just mad, she’s making it obvious that she’s the one who feels bullied and Luz gets to see it as well. I think that was probably one of the most important moments for not only Amity to understand that Luz isn’t trying to hurt her, but for Luz and us as the audience to realize that Amity might have something more to her than just being a bully. Then of course we find out about the Blight parents and Amity’s motives, and while it doesn’t justify her bullying, it does make her a little more sympathetic of a character. She’s just a kid being manipulated by her parents and made to do something she doesn’t have to.

My main problem, however, (and maybe I’m forgetting something) is that Amity was WAY too harsh on Willow. Her parents just said that they couldn’t be friends, not that she had to bully and berate her for the rest of their lives. Maybe it was to fit in with Boscha and Skara more or whatever, but it just felt kind of unnecessary? She could have just stopped talking to Willow and left it at that but she went out of her way to make Willow feel terrible all the time. Even if she ended up being just a minor bully who said mean things in front of her friends, it would still be more believable than when her first appearance had been her absolutely digging into Willow when they were completely alone and thought no one was watching. It almost felt like Amity actually liked bullying Willow.

I do wish that we could have seen more of Amity and Willow actually patching up their friendship, since the bullying was how we were introduced to both of them in the first place. Instead it was just Willow saying the mindscape incident was a start but they “weren’t friends yet” to them being back to being besties almost. You can use the whole “well a lot of time passed between then” excuse but the problem is that we don’t get to see that time passing, which is kind of a vital part for viewers. But don’t get me wrong, this is one point that im entirely blaming Disney for tho, not the writers. I’m hoping that if given the chance, the crew would have actually showed us more of that development.

I do think, for the most part, Amity’s redemption arc was done pretty well. She’s definitely a different person in S3 than she was in S1 and there’s a clear line of events that happened that made her that way. It’s really just that one aspect of her that I don’t understand why it had to happen in the first place- the bullying. It didn’t make sense to me. There was really no reason for it and it kinda just makes Amity seem like a genuinely bad person at the beginning. I hate to bring up Zuko’s redemption in ATLA cause I feel like everyone does that but it really is such a well written arc that its hard not to. With Zuko, we can see that he has a messed up goal but right off the bat, we know and can sort of sympathize with his reason for doing it. He’s been banished from his home and the only way he can return and make his father proud is to capture the Avatar. We might not agree with it, but we can understand it. With Amity, we don’t really understand why she was being a bully in the first place, even after finding out about her parents, and combined with the fact that we never got to see the resolving tension between her and her bully victim does make her redemption fall a little flat.

I LOVE Amity. I’m glad she got redeemed and I do think she deserved it. I just wish it had been a little more fleshed out than it was. Even if they threw in a dumb reason for her turning to bullying, it would still have been better than no reason at all.

In my head, I've been justifying it as Amity trying to emulate her mother, which makes sense, but if that's the reason I feel like it wasn't as obvious as it should have been at the beginning. We don't even get introduced to Odalia until well beyond the point we're meant to start caring about Amity.

[milkywaycreates]

♕ 03♡04♡2023 || 2.21pm

You only get to become an individual someone would look up to once in a lifetime and the way you want your most outstanding qualities to play is totally in your hands. I wouldn't hate a kid for shouting he got the highest grade in their class, or a parent telling his/her peers that he's raised an excellent child, or a youngling boasting his successful start up, or a loser narrating how he has successfully redeemed himself. I believe God, as He claims himself to be the fairest of all and the good judge of all judge, sprinkled each of us an equal dose of enormous qualities--good and bad--during our creation. And it must be too bad if we're placed on a very unfair environment or it must be too awful that we were sent one problem after another majority of the time or it must be too devastating that we're deprived of things we think we so deserve rightfully, growing up. However, the qualities you wanna resurface every time you're met with all kinds of people are for you to water and plant. As much as life throws us storms, it would definitely throw us sunshine afterwards. It will send us people, news or ideas that would literate us into so many things we could never imagine to believe.

Anybody has been proud their whole existence, nobody was safe from such claim that at some point somebody has heard of you flaunt something that has come off wrong in somebody else's ears. I'm in no position to humble anyone either. On the contrary, I wouldn't hold it against him actually, if at some point in his life, someone has to announce his achievements even if it rubbed off somebody else's ego roughly, more especially if that person was at the disadvantage of their dilemma. There's nothing so wrong with that in my perspective.

I think what's wrong is to flex all of your positive traits and qualities for all the wrong reasons and to unjustifiably put somebody else at a disadvantage/ low point in which position he is deemed undeserving.

[knockknockchicagopd]

❛ OH, SHE ISN'T PLAYING ❜

❚❙ REQUEST BY @ocetevasgirl: Hola preciosa! Can I request prompt 8 from the fluff list with Voight? Love you 💖

❚❙ PROMPTS: “You're jealous, aren't you?” “You're calling that jealousy? If she/he can still use her/his legs, I'm not being jealous”.

❚❙ HANK VOIGHT MASTERLIST.

❚❙ WORDS: about 2k.

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place, or something that it makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted.

❚❙ GIF credits: to my amazing @sonsofeorl.

❚❙ Tag list: @melblacc @rebelwrites @skyofficialxx @sesamepancakes @scarletsoldierrr @mondefantastique @that-chick212 @enbyamaro @inlovewith3 @ocetevasgirl @sophie-writes. If you want to be added to my tag list, send me a message.

Since you saw this morning Olivia Benson walking downstairs accompanied by Voight, your good mood got burned into ashes just in a sight. He hadn't told you that she was going to come and, actually, he hadn't why to tell you. For him, it's only part of his job. But you know it's something else for her. You have seen her how she looks at your man. The unjustified and unnecessary touches on his back, on his arm. The stupid smiles she draws to him, that you would be delighted of erasing using your fist.

You have never, ever, been the kind of jealous girl. You trust your boyfriend blindly, but you don't trust her. You can't. You have tried it with all your efforts, but then you heard her laughing for no reason and Hank responding with a fleeting smile. You haven't talked him about how you feel, because the age gap between both makes you look stupid sometimes. Fortunately, you're professional enough to not let these things affect your job and your relationship. You have learnt how to hide your emotions, even if sometimes your friends suspect that something is going on by the tic that makes you blink your left eye unconsciously.

Aware that he must be there with his amazing friend, Kim places a hand on your shoulder trying to encourage you to cross the entrance and come into the Molly's. Licking your lips as you calm yourself a little, you nod pushing the door to be embraced by the warm atmosphere inside it, covering you from the cold breeze of Chicago. Letting your eyes travel around the place, you greet some of your friends waving a hand, before landing your gaze on your boyfriend. He turns at that exact moment, not even trying to contain a smile. You show him another back, but his disappears when he sees you passing him away straight to the Unit's table without greeting him. And Olivia notices it, but you don't care.

“What's up, trouble?” Jay pulls down your hair, earning a laugh from you.

“Platt said you crashed a patrol”. Wrinkling your nose in a funny gesture, after Adam's words, you take a seat next to him.

“These aren't the things you have to learn from us, you know it, right?” Antonio makes you all chuckle, calling to his sister raising a finger to ask for more beers.

“I caught the bad guy, didn't I?”

“Yeah, crashing a car”. Atwater raises his eyebrows, leaning over the table.

“But I caught the bad guy, that's my job not to take care of the cars. I'm not a mechanic…”

“BUT A COP!” You all say in unison, as always, like a famous quote.

As soon as the beers arrive, you make another toast for your car lost in action. And everything is fun until you feel a presence behind you and the silence gets installed around your table. Gulping and licking your bottom lip, as your friends drink from their bottles trying to pretend that you all weren't doing what you were doing, you turn around over your stool forcing a smile.

“Having fun, officer (Y/L/N)?” Platt's voice gives you the kind of shivers you can hide.

“No, no, n— I mean… yes”. The look on her face causes you to swallow again. “I me—mean, no?”

“It's a simple question. Yes or no”.

“Trudy, leave the kid alone”.

Saved by the bell. Your hero.

“Crash a car is part of our tradition, ain't it?” Hank tries to put some humor in the situation, traveling his eyes from her to you.

“Hm”. The woman just replies, before walking away.

You don't know about what kind of tradition he is talking of, but at least he has saved your ass. Again. Not being able to look at him, you sip from your beer trembling yet. Probably, tomorrow Crowley will ask for a convincing explanation. I caught the bad guy will not work with her, that's for sure. Feeling a soft touch in your lower back, you raise your orbs from the bottle to your boss, who makes a brief move with his chin to point at the back door at the end of the bar. You don't want to go, you know exactly what it's going to happen and you just want to forget the intense day you have had. But he raises his eyebrows with that cockiness usual on him, about to drag you if you don't put down from your stool.

With an imperceptible sight, you end up obeying in silence under the attentive eyes of your friends. Hank walks behind you with both hands in the pocket of his jeans, as you wear your jacket to zip it above your chest. The fresh air hits your face once you reach the Molly's back alley, resting your back against the wall with your face bowed to your military black boots. Placing himself in front of you, he studies thoroughly your gesture, your lips pressed and the lack of eye contact.

“What's the matter?”

Shaking your head slightly, you cross one leg behind the other, putting your hands on your lower back.

“You're jealous, aren't you?”

Letting go an exaggerated chuckle, you roll your eyes before gluing them on him. “You're calling that jealousy? If she can still use her legs, I'm not being jealous”.

“It ain't a good moment to be sarcastic, sweetheart”.

“I'm not. She is just a colleague, right?”

Hank nods in silence tilting his head closer and you're sure he can hear your heart speeding up under your skin. He always does that, putting you nervous only to prove the power he has on you, on your body, on your senses. And you hate him. You hate how proud he feels because of it. The grin on his face causes a chill down your spine, standing up from the wall to pretend that he is wrong, that he doesn't control your reactions.

“Hm… Good to know you're conscious of her position. She's gonna stay in my house tonight. We didn't plan to need more than one day and she doesn't have a place”.

For a moment, the image of you punching his face runs your mind, keeping your hands inside the pockets of your jacket to close them in two fist until you feel your nails hurting your palms. There are a lot of replies to his words stuck in your throat, but if it's a proof of trust, you would fail miserably. This is a clash of titans and you're not going to let him win.

“That's fine”. You respond squinting at him, taking a step ahead almost facing Hank. “Anything else?”

“No”.

“Okay”.

With a feigned smile, you turn to the left to leave the alley and come back to your private party, which means to get drunk until Burgess and Hailey have to carry you home.

“What an interesting night is gonna be”. Hank whispers seeing you grabbing the doorknob, teasing you as only he knows how to do.

Kissing your lips as your steps stop dead, you turn your head about to lose your calm.

“If I see her putting a hand on your leg again, I'm gonna break every single fucking bone of her body”.

You couldn't help it. He knows exactly which words he has to use to push you to the edge. The worst part is the fun he usually has doing it. Walking towards you moving his head as if he was nodding, Hank caresses his bottom lip with a forefinger looking thoughtful.

“I didn't think of you as someone violent”.

“Fucking watch me, Voight”.

“Hm…”

Containing a laugh, he opens the door for you, pointing at the inside with a hand. Clearly challenging you. But before you can pass him away, the sergeant grabs your forearm to push you back and lean his lips over your ear.

“She booked the hotel yesterday”. His raspy voice touring your head makes you feel your cheeks burning in shame.

He has won already and you know it. Wanting to leave him again, he pulls you back again hearing the heavy snort escaping your mouth.

“She knows who you are. Told her this morning”.

Did really he? Arching up one of your eyebrows, you can't help but turn your face slightly at him. Your parted lips reveal the surprise and the confusion. Why can she know it, but not your friends? Just because she doesn't work in Chicago? It isn't fair. At least, under your opinion. It's not like you're going to act like Voight's girlfriend and take the advantage of what it means. But it allows you to smile at him when you cross your eyes in the hallways, it allows you to don't have to hide if you want to have lunch together, it allows you to not have to drive two different cars and leave his house before him to work. Small simple things that for you means a lot.

“Cut off the show, boss. Everybody is looking at us”.

It isn't the first time that Hank can't avoid touching you somehow in public, finding the stupidest excuse just to feel you. And he really enjoys putting you nervous, watching the way you lick your lips and bite the bottom one, feel the way your body gets tense when he lays his hands on you, the short frights he gives you coming behind you and whispering ‘officer (Y/L/N)’ in your ear.

Actually, there's no reason why you decided to hide your relationship. You haven't even talked about it. You haven't thought if it's because of the age gap, because of his past, because he is your boss (...). You haven't given it any importance, till you met Olivia Benson a couple months ago. That kind of sergeant who comes from New York and thinks that she runs the Chicago police department. Hank hasn't told you how they met, imagining they did when he was working on the Gang Unit.

“Admit your jealousy”. Tilting his head enough to look into your eyes, the challenging grimace comes back to his face.

Knowing that he's not going to stop, you simply nod. “It isn't fair that other women can… touch you, and I have to wait more than twelve hours just… simply to smile at you without looking suspicious”.

Hank can hear to perfection the hopelessness in your voice, feeling your fingers loosening his grip around your other forearm. It's not a question of possessiveness, but of insecurity; and he's discovering it now, thinking about since when you feel like that.

“Do you wan'me to take you home?”

You shake your head, now with guilt running under your skin because you know it has ruined his night.

“I'm okay, boss. Gonna have some fun with my friends after a long day”.

“Will you have some fun with your boss after that? End the night in my house playing pool, drinking whisky? I will let you win”.

You can't help but show him a fleeting smile, almost curving your lips. That's a yes for him and Hank feels satisfied. Holding your right hand on his, your boyfriend brings it to his mouth placing a tender kiss on the back of it, before letting you go.

Hailey and Burgess are squinting at you, knowing that their suspicions weren't wrong at all. Not saying a word and pretending normality, you sit back on your stool to have a sip from your beer. You're literally sweating right now, and it isn't because of the jacket you are wearing but because of the petty smiles appearing on the other cops.

“You know that we work in Intelligence, right, little trouble?” Antonio is the first one talking jokingly.

“Yeah, and we don't need to be detectives to know what's going on”. Hailey hums resting his arms over the table.

“How is Voight in private? I've always had curiosity. He takes off the stick of his ass when he comes home, or…?”

“Halstead, I can hear you”.

“Yeah, that was the intention, Sarge”. He replies, lifting up his beer in a silent toast.

Turning at Hank just for a second, you can't help but shrug with your eyebrows briefly frowned in a funny grimace that makes him giggle. It was inevitable, since they have seen the way and how close he has talked to you. But now, the pressure within your chest is dropping down, feeling better.

[filmnoirsbian]

Hey Tierney! I was thinking about some of your posts! And got emotional again agdhdhddhdhdhshsh. I think what sucks and has fucked me up the most about growing up with an abusive mother is that things were getting better towards the end of my teenage years. And I thought that because things were getting better, that I could finally get some closure for my early childhood. But I found myself being silenced the exact same way and being humiliated for trying desperately to find some common ground with her so that I could heal and maybe she could heal too from some of the more unjustifiable ways I lashed out. But it didn't work and she didn't relent. See, as I was growing up, she was letting up. As in she was tired of her old abuse tactics or had finally gotten exhausted by them. So I had mistaken her change for growth as I WAS growing and finally setting boundaries. So there came a time where I had the maturity to juggle my emotions and the limitations she put on my sexuality, my personality, my friends, my habits. I could have comprised all that for a year or more, but I needed closure for the palpable physical abuse in the past. I needed closure for the emotional manipulation. I needed closure for the constant demeaning of my body that gave me disordered eating and I had enough insight and hope to know she could give the realest closure and I thought she might finally be ready to be accountable. But instead, I encountered her biggest bout of gaslighting and a new unsureness into adulthood if those things had actually happened as bad as they felt. I was safer from her than I ever was as a child and I liked her a whole lot more but I ended up with new baggage and a hostility to letting people in. You talking about your complicated relationship with your mother will always stick with me. Your poetry really speaks to me and makes me feel seen. -- DJ formally Nonbineraryintinerary I deactivated but I still lurk lmao. Hope you're doing well!

Ahh I wondered where you were!! I hoped you were doing well ❣ as always, I'm really glad and touched when someone relates to anything I write, and in this case I can safely say I know how you feel, and I think it's really admirable that you began to set boundaries in your relationship with your mom. Even if things never work out the way you deserve, standing up for yourself in that kind of situation is really intimidating and difficult and you should be proud of that. 💖

[abusedsapphics-archive]

My ex sent me a message last night. It's been almost 1.5 years since we broke up. She was emotionally abusive. She cheated on me and left me for another woman. (I found out about it months later bc she didn't even give an explanation when we broke up). I had blocked her everywhere but I then I got a new phone and all the numbers got automatically unblocked. I blocked her again last night and I didn't say a word; but now I'm feeling kind of guilty. I think I still have feeling for her.

hey anon,

first of all, i’m really sorry it took me so long to get to this ask, i haven’t been in a stable enough mindset and i didn’t trust myself to, like, not project all over your situation and therefore give you shit advice.

it’s okay to miss your exes, it’s okay to still have feelings for them, even if they abused you. she’s still someone you loved and shared part of your life, and positive experiences, with - it’s relatively normal to miss those parts of a relationship.

i’m sorry she treated you so poorly. i don’t think she had the right to contact you. i’m proud of you for choosing to not engage with her and to block her - it must have taken quite a bit of self control. 

a book i read last year (but sadly i don’t have with me right now) suggested that we engage guilt by asking ourselves if we would tell a friend, who made the same choice we’re feeling guilty over, in the same situation, that they did something wrong. this question isn’t meant to make the guilt go away, it’s meant to help us discern justified guilt from unjustified guilt, to help us decide if what we did was actually immoral/unethical - in which case we need to apologize and change our behaviour, or if it wasn’t wrong, per se, but just against what we feel was owed to the other person.

i don’t think you owed your ex a response, but i think there may be a part of you that feels otherwise. it may be useful to you to ask that part of yourself why she feels that way, and to compare what she “tells” you with all the reasons you had to block your ex in the first place - that might help you realize that you didn’t do anything wrong by sticking to your boundaries.

i hope this helps, even if it’s horrendously late. xx

[imhereforthefandomsandrwby]

I concur with you and anon. I see this happening with higher frequency in more fandoms lately (accusations of queerbaiting and hating of het couples in general). Almost all of it unjustified but they REALLY like their slash pairings to the point of abusing other ships. I chalk it up to a misguided attempt of representation taken to extremes. Or maybe I'm giving them too much credit and theyre just cunts lol

My deal on the representation thing is that it’s a bunch of hogwash. No one really cares about representation when you get down to it. The overwatch fandom didn’t give a shit when Torbjorn was released as straight, but when Mercy and Genji were hinted as getting together, they lost their collective minds. That’s because they thought Mercy was attractive, and fit with other attractive female characters. Tracer, the very figurehead of the game, was released as gay, and they still cried of queerbaiting. Fandoms don’t give a shit about actual representation. They just want their ships to become canon, and are too proud to admit that they’re just being selfish. The RWBY fandom I see as being the same way eventually. No matter how many LGBT characters get introduced into the fandom, none of them will matter so long as they aren’t Yang and Blake or Ruby and Weiss.

[aclockworkcat]

Having thoughts and then saying them: a guide to speaking up in class

Asking questions during lecture and speaking up in discussion section are great ways to stay engaged during class, learn things, and make an impression on your professors. They can also be a bit intimidating, so here are three patterns of questions and three attitudes to take that can result in productive question-asking.

(Before any of that, though, I must highlight one thing: Do the reading! Do your homework! It's much easier to have things to say when you're prepared.)

First, the (non-exhaustive) question categories . . .

What's the exception? Asking yourself this question is one of the easiest ways to produce interesting questions about a topic. What is your professor not talking about? What is an example where the theory they're discussing produces weird results? What is a counterexample to the statement they just made? Making this even easier, different disciplines often have their own established "exceptions"/edge cases that can quickly produce fruitful questions. For example, even today you can still get a lot from asking "What was going on with the women/peasants/slaves?" in a history class, and bilingualism produces all sorts of interesting complications in linguistics. I'm no expert, but I might also throw out discontinuous functions or empty lists as more technical examples. However, the most exceptional questions stem from points that are exceptions only to the current topic at hand. For instance, "How does this theory of prosody involving syllables deal with non-syllabic languages?" or "That doesn't seem to apply to the Russian revolution of 1905." Successfully finding an exception usually demonstrates that you've understood the underlying concepts (this theory relies on syllable structure) and that you can relate what you're hearing in class to outside knowledge (the Russian revolution), both of which are excellent things to demonstrate!

Prediction A great technique for developing reading comprehension in first graders, this is still relevant for college students sitting in class. What is the next step the professor will take in solving this math problem? What are the implications of this theory? What will result from the actions of this historical figure? What will the professor talk about on the next slide? If your prediction is correct, congratulations, you understand the material! If your prediction is incorrect, even better! Try to isolate the reasons why your prediction differs from reality, then ask about them. Some examples of prediction-related questions: "Why did you use method x instead of method y?" "Are there factors related to religion/subject-verb agreement/evolution that lead to the otherwise surprising result of x?" "If my [probably wrong] understanding of x is correct, that should imply y, which seems weird??" "If my understanding of x is correct, that should imply y - has y been observed?" "How did Constantinople react when faced with these going-ons across their border?" "Can you talk about [interesting thing you predicted the professor would talk about but then they never did]?"

Emotional Reaction Are you mad about what you read or what you're hearing? Sad? Inspired? Talk about it! To be fair, this is best for discussion sections in the humanities/social sciences, which study such questions as "What is the most common emotional reaction to this stimulus?", "What techniques do authors use to get the emotional reaction they want?", or "How did the emotional reactions of people living through this past event lead to the next thing that happened?" The easiest way for me to explain how to spin an emotion into an argument is through examples, so here are three examples of thought processes easily develop-able into things to say: "I found this piece of historical propaganda surprisingly compelling - for reasons x - and the people at whom it was targeted might also find it compelling for reasons x' - or maybe not for reasons y - but the makers of this propaganda were definitely using methods x'' to try and reach people - who were the precise demographic targeted by this propaganda anyway? - meanwhile these events were going on which makes this propaganda misleading at best, so I don't really endorse my reaction but ..." "Wow, this character was really underserved by the author - but they were definitely morally justified for reasons x - though I suppose some might argue y - I could feel the way they were being judged wrongly through the wording of these lines - and I don't think it was just an unreliable narrator because of these events ..." "Okay, I get that you're obsessed with the Orient, but how othering can you possibly get? - how accurate was the information available about India at the time anyway? that must have been at least two layers of translation - was this attitude shared by most of his contemporaries? - was there any reaction from anyone in India - hmm looks like his opinions about God are kind of intertwined with this, that's interesting ..."

Moving on to the attitudes . . .

Argumentative This is absolutely the attitude most conducive to having thoughts. This is partially because it's the easiest mental place from which to play the game of "What's the exception?", but in general it's just easiest to have valuable thoughts when you're busy having opinions. Unfortunately, it's also the attitude most conducive to coming off like an arrogant jerk. I think the best way to think about this is that you're not arguing with your professor, you're arguing with the material presented (which could be full of lies to children or other such "errors"). Actually, you're not even arguing with that - you're arguing with your understanding of the material! (See "If my [probably wrong] understanding of x is correct, that should imply y, which seems weird??") Trying to develop this sort of attitude is also a good counterbalance to any tendency towards shyness or a reluctance to question the information presented.

Curious It's really important that you're asking questions you genuinely want the answer to, talking about things that you legitimately find interesting. It's fine to be partially motivated by wanting to seem intelligent, but excuses to sound smart generally don't actually sound very smart.

Literally saying anything Seriously. Say anything vaguely relevant/interesting that pops into your head. Speaking rarely is actually a pretty risky strategy. What if that one thing you thought was super insightful was actually kind of dumb? Then nothing that you said in class was worthwhile. If you say a lot of stuff, on the other hand, even if some of it is a bit silly everything will still average out into a general impression of intelligence. Also, even questions that show your ignorance can prove that you at least had thoughts in your head. Asking the professor to clarify a specific step in a math problem shows that you were following along with the previous steps. Returning again to "If my [probably wrong] understanding of x is correct, that should imply y, which seems weird??", this sort of question proves that you were thinking about implications. Ultimately, I did much better in classes where I spent most of my time wishing my mouth would just stop talking than classes where I spent most of my time staring out the window.

And now for the bonus. . .

Asking for further resources This is hands down the best sort of question to demonstrate motivation, intelligence, and interest while building a relationship with your professor. Go to office hours, or chat with them after class, and ask for recommendations about something you find interesting. If you actually read the thing (highly recommended!) then you have a ready-made topic of discussion to go to office hours with and build that relationship further. If that sounds too intimidating, you can just briefly mention one part of the thing you read that you found interesting if they ask and get brownie points from that. If even that is too much, well - you just read an interesting new thing! There's no way to lose. Examples: "I'm actually a linguistics major, so my attention was caught by your mention of the role of language in colonization. Is there an introduction to the topic you could recommend?" "I thought your brief explanation of neural nets was super interesting – is there anything I can read to find out more?"