#i'm dying i want to retake this so bad but

[biitchcakes]

what type of villain are you?

Pure Evil

You are unapologetically evil, you are likely just here for the drama and the theater of it all. You are selfish and cruel because you want to be, not because you had no other choice, but because you revel in the opportunity to do what is wrong. That's not to say you will commit every unspeakable act, perhaps you have standards and your own moral code, but by no means are you the good guy in your own mind. Those who have wronged you, no matter how trivial or petty the slight against you, will be treated without mercy and you will be cackling the entire time without a hint of remorse. You enjoy the most painful and twisted approach to getting your revenge. Above all else, you like to cause problems on purpose.

tagged by: @spybiote tagging: u ! 🫵

[more-cardigan-than-woman]

Just for the Weekend 2/10

Summary: Your flight to Malibu is... lets say interesting.

Pair: Reader x Jason Todd

Words: 1.2k

Warnings: 18+ Only. Mutual Pining, swearing, proximity.

Part 1

"My cars this way!" You call out to Jason who's rounding the back of the manor.

"Bruce said we could take the jet, it'll be faster." He shrugs, not even bothering to look back at you.

"Jet?" You ask, unsure what he means until you see it. Nestled behind the Wayne Manor is a landing strip and sitting on it is a small black passenger plane, "but my plane tickets were expensive,"

"You can get them reimbursed, no need to waste your money, '' he says as he approaches the man dressed in a suit. Is he the pilot?

"Hey Julian," Jason approaches the man by the plane, "just us today. Bruce give you the details?"

"He has. Should only take us a few hours to get to Malibu. Good morning Miss, do you have your luggage?"

"Right here," Jason says, "I'll put it away," He steps onto the plane before turning back, "you coming or what? This was your idea."

"Actually, it was Dicks," you scurry up behind him almost knocking yourself out when you bump into him.

"If you'll both take a seat we'll be in the air momentarily, '' Julian says as they move to step into the cockpit, Jason runs up behind them. It looks like Jason's whispering something, but Julian just nods before closing the door.

You sway on your feet, suddenly feeling awkward at being alone in a small plane with Jason. Fuck, you have to spend all weekend with him. What are you even going to talk about? How hot he is? How he get's his hair to do that curly thing? What brand of aftershave he uses to smell like a fucking forest?

"We should talk about boundaries," Jason says, taking a seat on the plush leather seats the jet had instead of the crappy vinyl ones you expected to be sitting on right now.

"Right, of course," taking the seat opposite him, a small back coffee table between you. This feels more like a business meeting than a weekend long date. Which it definitely is not.

"What are you expecting me to do on this fake boyfriend trip you've planned?" He asks, unsure if he even wants to know. Is he going to get to kiss you? Dance with you? Or is it just boring surface stuff. Like lie?

"I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with. It's just important that we sell how in love we are to my stupid- I mean to my old friends."

"Well, why don't we just take it as it comes and if either of us is uncomfortable we can have a sign."

"A sign?"

"Yeah, so you can tap my shoulder or blink really fast or-"

"Tap on my nose like a spy?"

"Sure, if that's what you want." He relaxes in his seat as the plane lurches forward. You realise as you topple forward over the table and onto Jason's lap that you hadn't put a seatbelt on.

"Ah shit, shit. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-" you begin to scramble back but the force of the plane lifting sends you flying back into him. You hope that somehow the plane is about to crash and your untimely death with save you from actually dying of embarrassment.

"Already can't keep your hands off me. And here I thought you hated my guts," he laughs at your attempts to move, "we'll be stable in a second, relax." His strong hands hold you in place and you resist the urge to snuggle into him. This was such a bad plan. The weekends only just started and already you're making a fool of yourself.

As the plane stabilises Jason helps you to your feet but not before laughing at you a bit more. You're pretty sure he's enjoying this, but at least he's smiling and not glaring at you like he usually does. He thinks you hate him? You thought he hated you? The way he's laughing though? Maybe he came just torture you.

"What's our story going to be?" He asks when you retake your seat opposite him.

"We can keep it close enough to the truth, nothing too elaborate that we might mess up."

"So no forlorn looks through a bookshelf or enemies who find common ground against a greater foe or daring rescues from a wedding to someone else or forbidden romances from neighbouring countries? How boring. Thought a best seller would make up a more daring story,"

"Jason Todd, are you a romantic?" You're surprised at his suggestion given that at least 2 of those are from your books.

"I dabble, so what's it going to be?"

"How about, you're my best friend's brother and one day we clicked?"

"At a party?"

"Sure, Dick is know for those amongst my friends."

"We locked eyes across the room and the rest is history,"

"Ok. Though I don't think I've ever seen you at one of Dick's parties," you lie, you always saw him. Sulking in the shadows staring at you, like you've stolen his brother away from him.

"I've been to all of them," he says quietly, dejected he turns from you, "I'm going to sleep. Wake me up when we get to Malibu."

"Late night?"

"Something like that," He stands, turning away from you and laying down on the sofa you hadn't seen.

If he's going to sleep you can get some work done, pulling your laptop from your bag you try not to listen to the soft noises Jason makes while he's asleep. How often he tosses and turns. No, you're focusing on the next chapter and before you know it the pilot announces you are about 5 minutes from landing.

"Jason," you poke him in the arm, "Jason we're landing," you poke him again.

"5 more minutes," he mumbles, turning over.

"Jason, you big dummy! You're going to be thrown from here if you don't get up," He ignores you, fine then. Perching yourself on the chair he was sitting in earlier you whip out your phone, hitting record and wait.

As the plane descends, he slowly but surely falls ass over head off the sofa. You try very hard to keep the giggles in, but when he sits up after his back hits the wall and he starts rubbing his head you can't keep it in any longer.

"Give me that." he snatches for your phone but the plane keeps pushing him back.

"Missed me," you smirk, "I can't wait to send this to Dick, he's going to die of laughter." You laugh even harder, but the plane jerks and sends you flying over the back of the chair straight into him.

"Whoops," you smile up at him but you can see the frustration in his eyes,

"Delete it or I'm having Julian turn the plane around and you can go by yourself to this stupid wedding,"

"Fine fine, spoil sport." You shrug, acutely aware of how you're sitting on him like he's a chair made just for you. How tight his arms are wrapped around you like he's keeping you from flying back again.

When plane comes to a stop. Jason sit's for a moment longer than is really needed before he stand's up, placing your feet on the ground. Before you can turn around to thank him he's disappeared into the bathroom. So you decide to gather your bags and wait for Julian to open the door.

Part 3

[skrunksthatwunk]

ok so. kiwami 2. rooftop scene. the ending. it's a bit of a clusterfuck but i wanna talk about one detail, a problem they bring to your attention by Fucking. Talking About Her.

haruka is watching all of this unfold.

[this post is like 4.5k words long + pretty critical + has spoilers for kiwami and kiwami 2, and really minor/vague ones for a couple others. they're not that bad though, trust me (and i added a warning in the one place it is major)]

ALSO CONTENT WARNING i'm gonna talk about kiryu's passive suicidality a good amount in this one, so stay away from this if you think that might affect you negatively/you'd be better off skipping it. i'll also make a tl;dr (which i will highlight in red) at the very end if you really wanna know what my point is that will exclude those elements <3. i am also going to use a lot of choice-based language in regards to kiryu's contemplation of suicide because i think it's the lens through which the games treat the topic, but i personally don't find it a productive or realistic way to look at suicide or suicidal ideation at all. someone dying by suicide absolutely does not mean they don't care about their loved ones enough to fight on or whatever. i love you, and proceed with caution on this one.

(also i'm using the kiwamis as my point of reference because i uh. don't have a ps2? those are the games that i played, and though the differences are likely slight, i wanna be clear about that. also,, ignore the watermark on these screenshots,, i didn't notice them and i'm not retaking them. we're all gonna have to settle for youtube cutscene comps for now xoxo)

first, we have to talk about the ending of the first game.

[note: i am Really Really Confident kiryu has a conversation earlier in the game about his going to jail in nishiki's stead being him running away and choosing not to resist his two options (go to jail or let nishiki go to jail) and define his own path, fighting his way against fate to make it happen. part of why i'm so confident it exists is because it made such an impression on me at the time. it's pretty important to my interpretation of things but i also can't find it for the life of me, so uh. sorry ✌️ i really tried. this post's takes/analysis will be dependent on this scene existing, so keep that in mind. if anyone knows where to find the scene/screenshots of it, lmk and i'll add a follow-up with it]

kiwami stuff

so as she's dying, yumi tells haruka this:

that she may be dying (painfully, and right as she's getting everything she wanted), but she doesn't regret it, because at least she did something rather than running away from it all. that you shouldn't run away, ever.

shortly thereafter, when the police find kiryu and haruka, this exchange happens between him and date. here's the play by play:

date tells kiryu he can get him out of trouble with this, and that if he doesn't, he'll get life in prison; kiryu declines his help:

kiryu is so devastated (understandably) by the back to back losses of the three people closest to him that he resigns himself to life in prison, and the death-in-effect that would be. he would prefer to waste away rather than struggle through a life without them. prison was monotonous and isolating, but coming back after a decade was overwhelming, and coming back to everything being so warped and twisted, and then losing the corrupted scraps he had anyway, well. he wants to go back to sleep. he doesn't want to be in a world where everything's the same except he's on his own. better to return to safety, to die slowly in a hell he knows well than weather a new one where he has control and agency, and thus one where he has the ability to fail and to lose anything at any time. he explains to date that that loss is why he can accept his death:

date shakes him and asks him if there's really nothing left for him, no reason to keep living at all:

then echoes yumi's advice to haruka:

which makes an impression on kiryu:

date gives him a reason to live in the form of haruka, saying she'll be on her own again if he goes to jail. he hijacks kiryu's tragic protector complex to keep him alive, because she needs him, and because she's someone precious to him:

after the dust has cleared,

kiryu and date also have this exchange, where date tells him to stay away from the cops (and presumably arrest and a return to prison, the aforementioned fate akin to death), and kiryu cites haruka as his reason to stay away, one he holds to with no uncertainty (showing again that he's accepted date's logic, that his reason to keep living even when it's incredibly difficult is to care for the more vulnerable haruka). given the weight of the consequences, to me, it feels like date's telling him not to be alone with his thoughts or something. it's almost frightening:

so, what's our takeaway from kiwami?

kiryu lost everything and hit rock bottom, but he chose to fight, and to live life on his own terms, even when it got difficult. that's the narrative life lesson he had to learn to avoid repeating the events of 1995. he made that choice for haruka's sake. it's seen as growth.

and without him, haruka would've just returned to the orphanage (assuming she could make it back to sunflower at all) with no one who knew or understood what she had been through, no one to mourn with her, and no one to give her the attention, care, and protection she needs. kiryu knows what it's like to be an orphan with a limited parental figure who only checks in every so often (kazama, "aunt" yumi), and what someone will do for attention/affection from that person (via both himself and nishiki swearing up, climbing the ranks, etc. arguably haruka coming to kamurocho by herself to find "mizuki" is similar), and what it's like to lose them anyway (again, kazama, yumi). their situations parallel each others' somewhat, and that binds them further. and after losing everyone (which he blames himself for to some extent, as one can probably assume from this and 2, and something key to his arc in later games), he chooses to protect her. and this time, he won't fail. at least partially because failing would hurt him, too. he'd have nothing left again.

okay. now we get to kiwami 2.

if you forgot, the context is basically:

everybody's fighting on the roof of a building which i'm sure will not be a running theme or anything as the series goes on

there's a bomb that's about to go off and they don't know how to/can't defuse it

ryuji shot the twist villain to death, but took fatal hits to do so

sayama's like hey!! let's get out of here!!! and kiryu and ryuji are like nooo we have to settle this oughh it's punchin time and they stick her on an elevator and send her down so she doesn't have to watch

ryuji loses. sayama returns, they have a cute sibling heart to heart, and ryuji dies in her arms. sad

kiryu is in rough shape as well, and there's like 2 minutes left on the bomb's timer

here's the scene itself:

sayama tells kiryu they have to run, and kiryu says he can't. the gist is "let's run!" "you go without me" "i'm not leaving you!" "i'm in no condition to run" "i'll carry you then!!" sayama: *sees how fucked up kiryu is, realizes he's Going To Die Anyway* "ok, then i'm staying with you!" and then further bickering about that, before they give up and make out (as one does i guess)

date (he's here now) yells this at them from a helicopter:

before someone else in the helicopter tells date this:

we get this shot of haruka calling out to kiryu as the helicopter swerves away:

and kiryu and sayama have this exchange about haruka where they say they let her down, but that she'll understand:

then they hug and the bomb ticks to zero right when the credits hit. in post credits it's revealed that the twist villain defused the bomb when they weren't looking, betraying his co-villain for reasons i truthfully do not remember and am unwilling to look up. it's not about that right now.

so, how does this scene interact with the ending of the previous game?

the short answer is "badly <3" but here's the long answer:

it's about choices.

the thing about fiction is that anything you want to have happen, as a writer, can happen. it may not be effective, internally consistent, or logical, but you can write it regardless. audiences suspend their disbelief for the sake of engaging fully with your fiction, but everyone has a threshold past which they will stop being engaged in a story and either become uninvested or annoyed. writers usually have lines they're unwilling to cross as well. but in almost every story, there's at least a couple of places where they stretch reality a little to make the narrative they want happen. this is not a bad thing at all. that's how stories get told.

now, i'm gonna be real with you. i don't care about how feasible plots are like 95% of the time. it's not something i think about much, nor is it something i prioritize. i am a very character-centric media consumer, so if world building and/or plot are a bit stale or contrived, that doesn't really bother me much so long as i'm invested in the characters involved. some people can't stand plot holes or the ways musicals burst into song or whatever, and that's fine for them. but it's not something i tend to find that all that important.

this is all to say that i have a sorta affection for rgg's flavor of bullshit pulling. and it is a powerful flavor, maybe even an acquired taste, but i can and do rock with it so long as it doesn't damage the characters too much. this is why i'm not making a lengthy post howling into the void about joji kazama or the second joon-gi han or how many secret relatives there are. those things are silly and endearing and a clumsy yet heartfelt part of a series i care about very deeply. i'll joke about it, but i don't consider it much of a flaw. it's more like personality. flaws are texture, and they help a piece's identity. point is i am very, very willing and able to suspend my disbelief for these games in exchange for a good time, particularly via good characters.

(if you want another example of where i draw the line from within rgg, the answer's the YAKUZA 4 SPOILERS INCOMING rubber bullets twist, because i think 1) it's actively horrifically stupid (especially retconning a scene we SAW HAPPEN. WE SAW BLOOD ON EACH IMPACT, AND RUBBER BULLETS DON'T OFTEN BREAK SKIN THAT DEEPLY (THEIR DAMAGE IS MORE PERCUSSIVE THAN PENETRATIVE). THESE EVENTS HAPPEN IN THE SAME GAME YOU DON'T HAVE TO RETCON IT JUST REWRITE IT. OR DON'T SHOW THE HIT AT ALL SO THERE'S MORE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY. DON'T DO THIS JUST TO HYPE UP YOUR SHITTY VILLAIN NO ONE CARES ABOUT. and 2) (a bit more importantly) i think it actively removes saejima's primary internal conflict for that game, that being his intense guilt over the 18 murders he thinks he committed, one i was invested and interested in. but this isn't a rubber bullets post.)

characters in this series walk off a lot of life threatening injuries. they survive miraculously, they escape in the nick of time, and they pull through in the end. kiryu still somehow hasn't killed anyone. almost every game in his saga ends with an "is kiryu gonna make it out this time?!?" shortly followed by a "yeah lol. lmao" postcredits reveal. kiryu fucking punches a marble statue into dust in the first game. having a story that asks you to suspend your disbelief so much and so often means that when a decision is made, it's not the writers saying, "well, this would have to happen so we are obligated/forced to write it happening" so much as "we wanted this to happen for some reason(s)," because you already know that they're not guided solely by logic. again, this is true of all writers, it's just amplified in stories like these because they've already given you so many hard mode suspension of disbelief moments (they've broken you in like leather, yeah? or like how obvious internet scams allow for self selection by being so obvious that only the most vulnerable people would fall for them. they curate an audience willing to play along with their bullshit flavor so they can tell a story that's more likely to satisfy that audience. in a good way, in a fun way! mass appeal is overrated). there is not much limit to what this series is willing to try and sell you.

so when ryuji takes lethal damage taking out the big bad, that's a choice. when he doesn't die immediately, that's a choice. when ryuji and kiryu send sayama away in the soon-to-be-forgotten elevator so they can settle this like men or whatever despite the literal actual bomb about to go off, that's a choice. when sayama comes back, that's a choice. when ryuji does die, that's a choice. when kiryu determines that he can't escape in time, that's a choice. when sayama is unwilling to leave him, that's a choice. when she says she'll carry him out and there's an elevator right fucking there and then she's like never mind i guess i won't anymore we're dying together right now kiryu like they're not gonna even try?? wouldn't distancing themselves from the blast give themselves a better shot, something that's super possible given the 2 minutes they have with that elevator??? sayama you met him like a week and a half ago why are you ready to die with him that's not a plot hole i just think that's kinda strange whatever anyway, that's a choice. when kiryu stops arguing with her so they can kiss (next to her brother's corpse), that's a choice. when date shows up, that's a choice. when the helicopter can't save them because the bomb was going to go off too soon, that's a choice. when they put haruka in that helicopter and take her away, let her only impact be reminding kiryu and sayama that they can't help her, that's a choice. when they spend their last moments talking as if they're already dead, then simply waiting, that's a choice.

they're all choices that the writers made for the characters, and we are asked to believe them for the sake of achieving the writers' vision, as with any story. the only problem is that the writers' vision here fucking blows.

i'm not saying it would be realistic for kiryu and sayama (and even ryuji) to make it out alive, but it wouldn't be out of character for the series in the slightest. kiryu is suddenly unable to power through here, and that's a choice. so, what is their vision?

put simply, i think they wanted a romantic last stand for kiryu and sayama, a tragic scene of doomed, devoted lovers. and i think they wanted an edge-of-your-seat fake out death. they wanted spectacle.

here's how some specific choices they made undermine all that shit we talked about earlier from the first game.

once again, kiryu is called by date to live, to pick himself up and keep going, no matter how impossible the odds are. he's even reminded by haruka's presence, his one anchor in keeping himself going. the growth he had in the parallel scene in the previous game is challenged, and he fails.

it's not enough this time. and that's a choice.

it's also one i can't think of a good reason for, and that's the real kicker.

characters can have developmental backslide just like people do, and if they're given good reason for it, it can be just as, if not far more compelling that purely linear growth (i am a chimera ant arc enjoyer, and that's all i'll say. sorry if you haven't seen hunter x hunter. uhh. i am also a zuko avatar enjoyer if that helps). but i can't think of anything that happened in that game that would cause this from a character perspective. if anything, kiryu should be less likely to do this intentionally. he's spent around a year raising haruka, and a year has passed since he lost his loved ones. at the very least, the pain should be more dull, though it is established through an early nightmare sequence that his ass is (justifiably) not over it yet. given that their deaths were the initial motivation for his willingness to rot forever, theoretically, he should be more motivated to stay alive than before now that he's got more investment and stability in his life outside of them, particularly when it comes to haruka, his reason for surviving. and if the ongoing nature of the trauma was the motivator for this, then they should've had it affect him more past that nightmare scene (it really serves more as a recap of the last game than anything else) so it didn't come out of nowhere. so the reminder of the lesson that saved his life and then guided it for at least a year afterwards, one that the whole resolution of the previous game relied on heavily falls flat for... some reason.

i think this is a good time to mention that, generally speaking, you don't write arbitrary choices into characters. sure, people in real life are often sporadic, but when analyzing fictional characters, every choice is filed into a portfolio of characterization that can and should be analyzed. going for pure realism can obfuscate their development, motivations, themes, etc. their choices and reactions may be unorthodox, but they must be internally consistent. this is very related to how i view plot contrivance as well. characters drive the plot, not the other way around. stories are about the ways characters affect their worlds/lives and vice versa, and they're the human face to the themes and ideas the writers are trying to explore and express. maybe my stance on this seems hypocritical. i don't know if it is. but to me, plot issues are usually a matter of engagement and investment, while character issues are a matter of substance.

i hope this doesn't feel patronizing explaining all of this, but i want you guys to know where i'm coming from in my analysis. starting at my base philosophy on writing is the easiest way to do that, i feel. defining the terms of the debate, and all that. anyway

and i mean, look. they survive because "it was defused the whole time we just didn't see it happen", so it's not like narrative tension or realism or whatever was THAT big of a priority overall. if it was gonna be a cop-out anyway, they should'nt have ruined kiryu's development too, yeah?. and sayama fucks off to america after this game anyway, so it's not like the doomed lovers thing had much payoff or meaning after this one (though you could argue that's more an issue with yakuza 3 than yk2, which has some merit to it). which means that they chose to sacrifice kiryu's prior development and internal logic for the sake of cheap tension for their finale that was both kinda illogical in and of itself (the elevator!! the elevator!!!) and a romantic climax that neither required nor really benefitted from this staging. (like. you coulda had them make out and then get saved by date, or kiss on the elevator in a "it's moving, but will we make it in time??" way or whatever. look i'm not saying those are great options either but they're SOMETHING okay. it would remove/reduce the amount of time wasted on characters sitting around with their thumbs up their asses for no reason in this finale).

instead the message of this finale is that, actually, sometimes it is impossible to change your circumstances and fight for your own way out of an awful situation. and what should you do about this unfortunate truth? uh. die! i guess. it's the exact opposite of the encouraging, optimistic message of the last game. zetsubou chou pride my ass.

note: i feel i should mention that when suicidality is brought up within the series (particularly in substories), it is always something someone has to overcome themselves through wanting it badly enough. they simply need the inspiration and the motivation to keep going. it's arguably treated as a moral obligation. frankly, the series is broadly very meritocratic (<- bad) when it comes to this topic (and others, but that's a Whole Other Thing. see akiyama's weird loan shark tests as well). sheer will and resolve is enough to conquer any problem, be it physical or mental/emotional, and it's irresponsible to act/feel otherwise. this is the logic the games operating under, and kiryu is often the mouthpiece for this bootstrap-pulling "tough love" sentiment. so when kiryu "chooses" to die, yet faces no emotional fallout from date, haruka, or anyone else, it feels very out of place. it's not just an odd choice; it's specifically, once again, an odd choice to make in context of the game/series/character it appears in.

kiryu's just like eh, haruka'll watch her only family die right as she gets some sense of tentative stability and lets her guard down after a devastating month the year prior (and a relatively dismal upbringing before that) that we trauma bonded over. sure, she likely came to view me as the one who would stay no matter what, who was too strong to be taken out, who she could always rely on, and so i know that dying would hurt her immensely, but she's smart enough to know it'd happen eventually. her eventual recovery means it's okay for me to do this (somehow, in a way it wasn't in the first game). it's an excuse within the narrative's logic, and one it is uncritical of simply because it's kiryu. he gets a pass.

and i think with the previously mentioned passive suicidality and general series-long mental health issues kiryu displays (i mean. yakuza 5's literally his depression arc), this could be retroactively seen as an interesting choice, like a piece in that particular narrative. i don't even dislike that viewing, especially in terms of fan approach. but (assuming this went down the same in yakuza 2), they likely didn't have that in mind. all they had then was the first game and the movie. and they took the first game's Entire Message and contradicted it for nothing but a scene they wanted to have happen because it'd be suspenseful and/or emotional (without actually doing the work to earn it). and they're not fans trying to analyze his character, they're the ones making choices for him. and they chose to massacre my boy. and if the subject of kiryu's mental health was a priority of theirs, why didn't they explore that? haruka and date's feelings on him not resisting and their words not being enough (whether that blame is justified by the narrative or not (it shouldn't be btw)), the uncomfortable drifting that resigning yourself to death and living afterwards anyway often brings, literally any conversation about it besides the minimal shit we get post credits of date being like "did you know about the bomb not having a fuse?" which like. bad answer either way (which is why they weren't straightforward about it, the cowards). you can't just be like "oh uh. idk he just gave up this time. yeah he was gonna die on purpose for some reason. good thing the bomb was fake lol" and then pack up and go home!! that's stupid!! any merit the idea of kiryu dying by suicide in this scene and in this way could have had from a character-based perspective loses its weight because 1. it didn't happen (for kinda stupid reasons), which makes it fall flat and 2. no one is really affected by the fact that it almost did, including him. they sacrificed his ass and replaced it with nothing, even when there could have been interesting outcomes to it.

so the narrative effectively chose to kill him by making the situation impossible, and this impossibility is ultimately arbitrary, given the series' usual approach to miraculous, illogical escapes. that, or the choice to stay was up to kiryu and sayama, one that 1. doesn't make sense and is actively regressive in context of kiryu's arc in the only other game in the series (as well as his whole saga in retrospect) and 2. one that contradicts how the series sees/treats resignation to death/death by suicide in all other contexts without being addressed, challenged, or condemned in ways it would in all other contexts. because they don't want you to think about it like that. they want you to think he (and the narrative) had no choice, that it made sense to do that. but it didn't. it doesn't.

and look, honestly? if i was bleeding out and had like 2 minutes to live, there's a non zero chance i'd say fuck it and kiss a girl too. i get it. but i am (and this is crucial) not a fucking yakuza character. and i'm certainly not kiryu kazuma.

tl;dr (basically just rephrasing the second to last main paragraph)

there are not sufficient character reasons for kiryu and sayama not trying to escape. additionally, because the narrative regularly facilitates even less likely escapes, it's not so constrained to logic and reality that it couldn't pull this one off. the choice to let their situation be impossible this one time was a cheap and arbitrary way of forcing a scene they thought would be cool and dramatic, and in doing so they chose to cannibalize a key emotional note of the previous finale (namely kiryu's mission to dedicate his life to protecting haruka) for hollow last minute stakes-upping in this one. it is then completely disregarded anyway. god damn.

[theartificialintelligentsia]

i have a lot of thoughts about City of Blades, because, good lord, i think it's one of the best books i've ever read as an adult

(spoilers below, duh)

City of Blades is ultimately a book about war, and the associated glorification of death that comes with it, the implication that, even if you die, it will be for a higher cause. it's a lesson that's been constantly repeated throughout history. you saw it in ancient times, with the Norsemen and the concept of Valhalla, that dying in battle would net you the most desirable of afterlives. you saw it with The Crusades and the retaking of the Holy Land, for the Chosen Ones, from the dirty, heathen Muslims. you saw it in the recent past, with the Cold War and the fight against the evils of Communism to spread Democracy across the world. you see it today, with the War on Terror, continuing the good fight to spread Freedom and Democracy.

but City of Blades serves as a deconstruction of that idea, to point and say, "is this not wholly and utterly insane? death is death, no matter how much you try to dress it up." many characters in this book thought they were giving their lives to something greater, and yet that turns out not to be true.

Rada Smolisk orchestrated her scheme because she thought it would jump-start the Night of the Sea of Swords and destroy the world that took everything from her. what did she get for it? a bullet to the face.

Sumitra Choudhry made her way into the City of Blades because she thought that she was going to make the ultimate hero play to stop the Voortyashtani sentinels. what did she get for it? a lonely death of dehydration.

Pandey picked a fight with Turyin because he thought that he would avenge his fallen love and exact a measure of revenge for the wrongs that had been done to him. what did he get for it? a blade to the heart.

Lalith Biswal orchestrated his scheme because he wanted his opportunity to start another war so that he could claim victory and be lauded for it as a hero. what did he get for it? a bullet to the chest.

you see so many descriptions of this disbelief over the shattering of the idea of a glorious death. Turyin, upon finding Sumitra Choudhry's corpse:

There's a trace of irritation or discomfort to [Choudhry's] large, dark eyes, as if she can't believe this is happening to her, that she should come so far just to die here, alone on a bridge over ghostly waters.

and, after she shoots Biswal:

He stares at her in disbelief. Then he says, "I'm ... I'm not going to die, am I? I can't. I just can't ..." Mulaghesh watches him. "I wasn't ... I wasn't supposed to die like this," he says softly. "I was supposed ... to have a hero's death. I'm owed a better death." [...] She can't quite tell when he dies. She can tell his vision is failing him, and then perhaps he's passed out from blood lost but is still alive ... and then ... Nothing.

all of these people died ignominious, unremarkable deaths. because war doesn't give you these hero moments like you would read about in an epic, or a movie or TV show. those are often written by those who weren't there and would never understand what kind of hell war is like. war just takes lives, without any regard for a narrative or a story.

but this is a story. and one could reasonably expect the narrative expectation of important characters meeting just fates, because they have importance to the plot structure. but this is where Bennett also plays very well upon the expectations of the readers, as well.

it's easy enough to assume that Signe would survive, because she's Turyin's sidekick, and, of course, she has to make it, right? nope! one would also assume that Vallaicha Thinadeshi would have merited a more meaningful and fulfilling death, right? nope! it's a common trope in fiction that the good guys live, and the bad guys die, because that's how it's supposed to work, right? but what we see here is that good guys and bad guys, alike, meet ends that feel hollow, unfulfilling, and meaningless. it's a very interesting subversion of expectations on Bennett's part.

and, of course, Turyin is the one that has to pick up the pieces from all of this. you would think that someone who committed as many atrocities as she did during the Yellow March and committed just as many heroic acts during the Battle of Bulikov would have merited a heroic end? nope! it's almost ignominious and unremarkable, in and of itself, for Turyin to be the last one standing at the end of all of this.

anyway. all of this is to say that i truly enjoy the thematic elements that have been employed here. it's easy enough to think back to all of the books that i read in primary and secondary education, where i only really thought of those books in terms of the themes that i would have to describe in a paper or on a test. this book has really employed such a theme in spades, but it's also provided a very enjoyable narrative to read.

[imaginationxlost]

OC in Fifteen Quotes Tag

Tagged by @writinglyra here

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture their character/personality/vibe. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you’re free to include those as well!

In the spirit of my Camp NaNo story, the sad poet is up for this! In chronological order! I wonder if you can tell when it crosses over into the sequel I am Currently Working On

“It’s safe,” I said, like a proper big brother should, patting her head, “I promise.”

“Before I came to you? Probably twenty minutes,” I reply, opening my eyes and directing my gaze towards the ceiling, “It’s not just that, though. Today is also a dysphoric day, and I'm just… feeling everything a little too intensely.”

“There are consquences, Lia,” I say, frustration creeping into my voice, “history shows that much. I don’t want to be a repeat of—” My voice catches before I say his name, and I shake my head.

“Lia and I aren’t even from Earth,” I say, the words just spilling out at this point, “we’re refugees- our parents were killed and we barely got out with our lives- and it’s just-” I break into sobs again, once again falling into Mike’s arms.

“I know,” I reply, my voice barely more than a whisper. “But… that doesn’t change the fact that Lia absolutely needs to be kept safe. That fact that she’s my sister completely aside, keeping her alive to get back home and retake her throne is the right thing to do. Adriel needs stopped.”

“Dad is alive?” I finally manage to stammer, my voice filled with a mixture of disbelief and longing.

“Mike can share my room,” I squeak, and I immediately feel my face get hot. “I just- I mean to say-”

“I’m not,” I say, perhaps a little too quickly, because the doubt is obvious on his face. “I’m not frightened of you,” I insist again. “There’s just- There’s a lot going on, a-and I don’t like leaving Mike, and my shoulder still hurts-” I stop myself, putting a hand over my mouth to stem the flow of anxious words, before the full truth spills out.

“I know you’re right,” I finally admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “But it’s just… It’s been so ingrained in me that these abilities are wrong. I’ve always felt like I had to fit into this mold of what a Jack should be.”

“Fitting, honestly,” I mutter. “Almost poetic, to come back home the very way we left.”

“It happens pretty often,” I murmur whilst leaning into his side and putting my head on his shoulder. “Your sleep schedule doesn’t need to be as bad as mine.”

“Dad, I’m serious. I’m fine. I know- I know why you’re worried,” I grab the notepad and hug it to my chest. “It’s a problem, but I’m dealing with it. Promise.”

“I’m so-” I catch myself, and flinch, ducking my head. “Lia, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“You’ve NEVER gotten it! Never once! Of course you don’t. You’re perfect! No one has ever doubted if you can- can be good enough! No one looks at you and assumes you’re inherently going to be untrustworthy- dishonorable- no one assumes you’re a bad person because of something entirely out of your control! OF COURSE you don’t get it!”

“I’m not dying,” I finally manage, my voice hoarse. “I write to process those feelings. Give it back.”

Tagging: idk I had no takers in the wtw discord (probably because I asked at 1AM but oh well) so do it if you want and say I tagged you

[zlobonessa]

a piece from university au that i-maybe-will-write-one-day; otto & subaru discussing their new terrible and maybe a bit rotting professor

"It would be for the best if you didn't argue with our physics professor," his classmate said, looking warily at the empty wide staircase, then at Subaru: he hadn't managed to remember this guy's name yet, but the face was definitely familiar. Soft and round, with naivety and whinyness written in large letters all over his face, and shoulder-length hair — he looked pretty fine, actually, only he wore a cap without taking it off for some reason.

"Why me?" Subaru bristled: at once he felt insulted and lonely. "Was I pestering him or something? No, he decided that he wants to ask me about all his... kinetic energies, these energy conservations, about Newton! Come on, what this Newton ever did to him? You've heard him, he talks about him like he knew him personally, like they lived on the same street or something! What was that all about, huh?"

The classmate shook his head impatiently: the strands of his hair hit his cheeks.

"I mean, you're right, but.. Listen to me!" he hissed when he saw that Subaru was about to object. "I have friends — in graduate school, you know? These are not simple bachelors, everybody are dying to write a thesis, they are not special, but that's — that's not even close! These people survived all the exams, passed philosophy, defended their thesis to Emerada Lugunica!.."

"To whom?"

"Oh, trust me, you'll find out about it in time and you'll regret ever asking, but that's not what I'm talking about right now! The bottom line is that these people, they are barely humans now — titans, witches! — and you know what? He asks to be their scientific supervisor, then reads drafts of their dissertations — and begins to nitpick every single line, one by one, until he criticizes the whole document! And then? Do you even know what's then?

"Well?" Subaru snapped, unable to stand it anymore: his voice echoed down the corridor. The classmate shuddered.

"And then," he whispered pushy and almost aggressively: somehow he now stood very close to Sybaru, almost nose to nose, and Subaru didn't notice how it happened at all, "then he chooses those people whose dissertations are absolutely, as he puts it, slothful, — and disintegrates them!"

Subaru blinked, puzzled, then blinked again. The completely serious face of the classmate in front of him has not gone away.

"How is that?"

"How? By hand!"

(He said the last word in a very strange and terribly desperate way: Subaru felt that he didn't understand anything at all, but immediately and suddenly he realised that he really did not want to argue with the professor anymore.)

"Eh?"

The classmate hesitated. Chewed on his plump pink lip. Got closer to him again, clumsily: after trampling on the spot, he moved to Subaru's left side and leaned to the railing pressed against the wall.

"Listen," he whispered again, "the thing is, I— well, maybe something will change, I can't promise, but maybe — I know where to get the answers to the final test. Exactly the right amount of answers, you know? So that he doesn't send you to do a retake, and so that he doesn't like you enough to counsel you on any thesises."

Subaru looked at him more intently. Suddenly, the naivety from his face seemed to peel off: a tenacious grip appeared in his baby blue eyes.

"What's in it for you?" he squinted suspiciously.

The classmate almost blossomed:

"And for me," his tone became more trusting, "I would like you to help me with Professor Mayer. He's kind of interested in you, and they say he's sometimes tough, sometimes weird, but generally not mean, and in comparison to others, of course, well..."

Subaru clicked his tongue.

"So what's your name," he raised his eyebrows expressively, "my fellow future graduate student?.. Uh, that sounded bad, yeah?"

"You can do better," the classmate agreed easily. — "Friend, let's say, is quite alright with me."

He held out his hand.

"Otto Suwen."

Subaru shook the outstretched hand: the handshake was surprisingly firm.

"Natsuki Subaru."

[grassapples]

I just need this said because I am doing bad about it. So they ASKED ME before I started working if I could start before week 25, and I said yes, I can start in week 24 and work until week 31. And then they GAVE ME WEEKS 25-32 AND I HAVE A RETAKE EXAM IN WEEK 33 I AM DYING. I AM DYIKG I CANT STUDY BECAUSE I GET UP AT 4:40AM FOR THIS JOB AND ITS SO FRUSTRATING BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THIS JOB AND I DONT WANT TO COMPLAIN but I'm just so tired. I'm away from home for between 10 and 12 hours every weekday and I go to bed at like 9pm at the latest because I am so tired. I am coming apart right now and I hate it. Right after the retake exam school starts. I have no time to relax i just want 1 week of sleeping in please please please please please please please please

[aronarchy]

in your opinion, what should an anarchist and post-carceral society do about dyed-in-the-wool wrongdoers who *will* make the active choice to hurt people *deliberately* regardless of the societal conditions or measures taken to prevent harm?

(i'm not meaning to sealion here, i am just genuinely thinking about this question myself)

not really sure what you’re counting under “measures”—for example, taking a measure such as “killing them” would, obviously, ensure they stop hurting people. other things like (hypothetically) “isolating them w/no resources & no way out” would, also, drastically reduce to likelihood of them hurting people—no matter how much they want to & are willing to, if they don’t have the physical means, they can’t

though, I’m not in favor of things like imprisonment, bc to be able to lock up & hold someone like that already means you have some degree of disproportionate power and other things built and set up in place, and also it would be way overkill causing vastly more harm than needed which is bad

I struggle to imagine a world without any more prisons, bc I’ve never lived in one & our entire lives are saturated w/prison culture, tho there are some pre-carceral societies you could study; & personally tho I find it easier to think abt these things thru “what can I do right now,” bc it’s already a similar issue—trying to stop harm (a lot of harm happens in my life even rn), but w/o carceral apparatuses (also knowing that those can’t really help us with anything and are the harm, in similar ways)—and really anything we would do once we get to something that could be called a “post-prison” point is already what we’re doing now—or trying to do, tho the carceral state tries to prevent those things

& a key point abt that is that “harm” (esp in the form of abusive relationships) tends to not really follow a “community is in a position to stop it while it’s happening” in the first place, bc of how the entire society has a culture of silence built into it, & how tons of factors go into making these situations hard to escape or resist. & also how communities tend to suck at handling abusers even after they find out (lots of victim-blaming, not understanding how this stuff works, not understanding the risk etc). so w/, like, close interpersonal violence I’m very focused on improving the ability for victims to use self-defense, to escape, to cut contact w/abusers & decreasing the consequences for that, & helping us retake control of our narratives and decreasing tolerance for abuse & abuse apologia in general

there are also people, for example, I might come across near spaces I orbit rn & who are obviously not safe to be around (determined bigots, harassers, abuse supporters, etc) and a lot of the time I’m not in a position to do anything about that directly, but I try to spread knowledge abt right-to-not-interact-with-people-you-dont-want-to (for example), and awareness of how bigots & abusers/supporters use platforms and positions of power to enact harm, and making it easier for ppl to fuck off from them if they’re being toxic (think antifascist tactics, but including how they're applied on a smaller scale—focusing on preventing fascists from building power, denying fascism a platform from which to promote itself, interrupting the problem in its tracks before it can escalate to assaults or state takeovers)

every situation of harm/victimization is different, every manipulative/exploitative/abusive person is different, the treatment each gets from surrounding communities is different—but in general (if these things can even be said to be generalizable) whatever they are using to be able to cause the harm, whatever’s preventing ppl from doing effective self-protection, etc etc take care of that (& no one size fits all ofc but if it’s, like, a person who targets ppl in certain types of communities for attacks then a great first step would be removing them from their projects and disassociating from them and informing other at risk communities abt them)

[jungwnies]

hey maeby baby ^^

i have been taking care of myself, and I’ll gladly tell my best friend that you’re proud of him tomorrow <33

i too am a mint choco lover, it’s probably on my top 5 ice cream flavors (i don’t think my family hates the flavor but i'm pretty sure i was the only one eating it that one time my mom bought some at the supermarket 🤨)

im really excited, on friday i found some books I’ve been dying to read on some pdf files so finally i can read stuff besides fan fiction lol, like don’t get me wrong but I’m pretty sure I’ve read every good fic there is and i’ve been trying to get back to reading physical books so yuh pretty excited bout that (right now im reading “the seven husbands of evelyn hugo” and so far 🤌🏻)

besides the fiction books, i also found some good linguistic books that can come in handy whilst im preparing for university next year n.n

besides the reading i've been considering writing some stuff! i always wanted to write my own stories and i think at some point i did and posted them on wattpad but those are long gone (plus they weren’t any good lol) , two (almost three omg) years ago i won a poetry writing contest at school and idk the past few years have made me realize how much I actually enjoy writing and how much stuff I’ve actually written so im thinking on retaking it but i have so many ideas but also a lot of fear, like if i feel like it’s not good I won’t want to finish it (idk why im like this ;((() but gotta give you some credits baby, even tho it hasn’t been that long your work has definitely inspired me a lil to actually do it so, i guess we’ll see 👉🏻👈🏻

but well, a lot of talk about me so, besides writing what’s another thing (or thingS) that you like/enjoy doing? ^^ 💗

thanks for reading, kisses and hugs

-🧸 anon (love uuuu)

mint choco is so good, i will never understand why people compare it to toothpaste 🤢

OMG BOOKS!!! i don't think i've laid my hand on a real book in years, well that's a lie, i definitely did have to read something for school not too long ago; but i don't usually read so you get my point 🤣 i hope your bood is good, let me know some recommendations so maybe i can start reading LMFAO

omgomgomg good luck preparing for uni,,,, it'll be worth it, and good luck hheeheheh <3

BABABABBEEBBE do not stress with writing; it's okay to think it's bad, hell i even think some of my work is bad i just post it anyways because i know someone out there might like it; and don't even get me started on wattpad!!! i used to have an account (i still do) with some pretty awful stories; they're still up, yes you can find them! they didn't do bad with engagement... some actually did pretty well, but reading back on them god they are HORRIBLE! wattpad is like the beginning of an era for a lot of writes! i believe in you, and if you do ever end up writing anything i'll be your first reader and supporter heh...

besides writing i do like to play games, like valorant and sims (sometimes i even play fortnite LMFAO) i also just like going out for a drive occasionally but these gas prices, oh naur

xoxo <3 ilysm 🧸

[monorayjak]

As reality began to rip completely apart, I finally understood. This… thing… it was more real than reality. It stood tall as I felt my past meet my future, and as I screamed from dying on my bed and being born, it stared at me… and it laughed. It laughed as I held my mother during her final breath, as I held my daughter in my arms, as I saw the entirety of reality end and begin just to end again in a fraction of a second… it laughed. It found this… life, death, reality, rules, thought, individuals, identity, gifts, curses… it found it all hilarious. It cackled louder and louder. If I could find my ears in the mass of dust I had already collapsed into, I would have ripped them off; just so I could escape the sound. But deep down… deep down I knew it wouldn't have stopped. I sat there… for an eternity. Moving, but motionless; living, but dying; seeing, but blinded; I saw every second of my life repeat over and over. And with each loop, some part of me felt relieve… thinking the torture had ended and I woken up from a bad dream, only to realize I hadn't woken up at all… there was no me to wake up. I was a pile of dust on the floor, no, I was a tiny fragment of rock lost in space, no, I was… nothing. I… am still nothing. My form changed again and again. New faces shaped of the remains of my previous. Bodies of flesh turned to stone and metal, and then I could feel the flesh retake it all, just in time for the rot to set in. I don't know how long I was there. I just… had to scream. But I was scattered across countless timelines, bodies, realities, forms… the screaming still hasn't stopped. Do you see? I never escaped. I'm still sitting there… watching this thing drink in my life. I can feel my soul… no… I can feel ME drifting into nothingness. I want the void. I want this torment to end. To be put whole again, even if it was just to die. But… it enjoys me too much. I will be here until it dies… the only problem… I don't think it even understands the concept of death.

[shirophantomvox]

Leorio, Hisoka, Illumi, and Chrollo Head Canons #2

What’s up y’all! Thank you so much to the people who have given me feedback about what posts you all would like to see! This post will be about the “Adult Trio” and Leorio about how they would help their significant other with a subject in college. This one is a good suggestion! I’m going to incorporate fluff in this, as I am a sucker for fluff. I hope you all enjoy this! I most certainly do. This post is about 2687 words but don't worry, it's worth the read! These head canons came from my mind its a coincidence that some of these pictures match the thoughts. Portentous (old English) means wonderful or marvelous (in modern English) FYI: I am thinking about creating a discord server for both Voltron and Hunter x Hunter fans. I don’t know how to use the fancy perks of discord yet, so if you know how to and can help me out, send me a message! Alright, let’s get to it! Obviously these images are from Pinterest.

Discord Server for Voltron and HxH fans!

Leorio

“Mr. Leorio”, as we all know, is a sharp guy. He dresses in a suit, carries a suitcase, and wants to be a doctor. This man knows everything about academics, especially math and science. He will need to know these subjects to be a successful medical doctor.

Leorio received an A- in Calculus II and a B+ in Organic Chemistry. He was the only one that passed with flying colors while everyone else barely made it. He didn’t gloat in their faces but as soon as he got into the hallway he jumped for joy.

He was extremely happy about his progress and counted the days until graduation even though that was in 5 years. Wow! Don’t we love graduate school?!

He deserved the high grades because he spent countless nights studying missing parties, football games, and being with you just to make sure he was on the right track to graduating on time.

As we all know, Leorio wanted to pursue this career because he witnessed his best friend dying in front of him powerless to save him. The care for his friend would have been too expensive. Obtaining his degree was in honor of his friend; he’d save countless children, women, and men who’d all thank him for his hard work.

Leorio didn’t socialize much, but he did find himself hanging around a group of classmates that were a part of a co-ed fraternity that provided information on scholarship money for graduate school and job opportunities. This is where he met you. You didn’t want to be a doctor but instead wanted to be a computer scientist and decided to volunteer for this fraternity job fair.

As he rejoiced, his smile faded when he saw you walking down the hallway; tears falling from your face not caring who stared at you. He quickly walked up to you, put his arm around your back, and gave you a soft hug.

“What’s the matter,” he asks.

You were failing Calculus, a class you’ve been taking since the 12th grade but for some reason, you couldn’t pass it. Everyone else had A’s and B’s, while you had a D. D’s aren't accaetable in college; most make you retake the class.

“Don’t worry. I’ve just passed my midterm. I can help you study. You’ll pass; trust me.”

Later on that evening, he kept his promise but gave it a unique twist. He kept the lights off and lit 4 Yankee-sized candles in the room that smelled like Lavender. In the background, he had piano jazz playing on his speaker. You felt confused for a moment. You and Leorio weren’t necessarily dating but you both flirted with each other here and there. He wasn’t a social butterfly, but he felt comfortable talking to you.

“Um...what’s the music for?”

“It helps me concentrate. Believe it or not, it helps my brain flow. You like it don’t you?”

“No, actually I don’t.” Truth be told you loved it but you wanted to pull his strings a little. He looked up with a confused look.

“Ok. I’ll turn it off.”

“I'm kidding! It’s great!”

Whenever he cannot solve a Calculus question, he reviews similar problems from Algebra II. He applies this knowledge to your problem.

“Perform the indicated function evaluations for f(x)=3−5x−2x^2 . I’ll solve the first part for an example: f(6+t) simply means you will exchange “x” for 6+t. It will look like f(6+t)=3-5(6+t)-2(6+t)^2=-49 . You’d distribute -5 and -2 to the numbers inside of the brackets in which they are next to.”

Wow, that was easy! Wait, not he must think you’re stupid.

“You must think I’m stupid, don’t you?”

“Of course not! It took me a while to understand it too. You’ll apply the same knowledge for the rest.”

After what seemed like 4 hours (which was 2), you finally finished your homework! It was probably wrong but at least you made it past the 1st question! As you blew out the candles and turned on your LED lights instead, you see Leorio sleeping on your couch. Something about his soft face made you smile and place your hand over your heart.

“My little doctor,” you whispered to yourself.

“Well, come give this doctor some company then. I’m freezing over here!”

The throw blanket was large enough for you both. Snuggling on the couch was a great end to a stressful day.

Chrollo

To everyone else Chrollo was “Boss” or “Boss Man” but to you, he was Chrollo. Big C was known for his love for poetry and language.

He read poetry any chance he had at lunch and even dinner. It had gotten so bad that you had to tell him for the millionth time “No books at the table!”

Given his past, he always read at least 2 hours a day or one book a week. Reading is what got him through the day.

He was staying in your dorm for the day to relax because he had taken and passed his midterms to. The young thief thought about hiding in the closet but he didn’t because he sensed that you’d be tense because of midterms.

As you walked through the door, you looked angry, so angry that you could punch a wall. He immediately rose to his feet, threw his arms straight out in front of him, and motioned for you to stop. You just stared at him blankly.

“Come here,” he said like you, on cue, melted in his arms. He was warm and the deepness of his cooing voice vibrated against your neck. “What’s the problem?”

“I’m failing this stupid Shakespeare class!”

“Really?”

“Yes and if I don’t pass this midterm I’m going to fail the class for the 3rd time. I want to drop out! Who needs this scam anyway?!”

Chrollo held you a bit longer until you were ready to sit down and get to business. You pulled out your college’s book about Shakespeare plays and how he used Old English. Chrollo was the perfect man for the job! He’s read Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet several times!

Chrollo read a few stanzas and explained them. He then had you read some on your own and explain them...still you can’t.

He notices the problem immediately. He catches you snuggling comfortably against his toned arm, nearly falling asleep.

Chrollo laid at the very corner of the couch as you lay horizontally placing your head against his chest. You were comfortable but you weren’t able to focus. He notices this and slightly demands that you go sit at the table. When it came to academics, he was serious.

For as long as he had been reading, he has an arsenal of vocabulary words ready to be of use. He created flashcards for you and had you flip them over for nearly an hour. You start to memorize the words!

But you’re not done yet.

“Say the word ‘portentous’.”

“Por-ten-trious…?”

“No. Por-ten-tas.”

“Tias…?”

He moved his chair next to you, just an inch away from your face. He cups your mouth and moves it as he speaks again. This wasn’t a hard clutch, it was soft and he wasn’t irritated but he could sense that you were becoming irritated.

“Por-ten-tas,” he said again.

Instead of letting your cheeks go, his eyes diverted to your lips. They were moist and plump, ready to be met by his.

“Your lips are gorgeous. Kisseth me quite quaint.”

Oh no. Look at the monster you’ve created.

Chrollo created a reward system. Whenever he did things right as a child, he was rewarded with money and jewels. For every word you pronounced and defined correctly, he kissed you once. For each word you got correct in a row, he’d kiss you twice.

Soon enough he had kissed you so much that you couldn’t see straight!

The kisses worked because you passed your midterm! Each kiss placed a stain in your brain that made you remember the definition and how to pronounce it.

You and Chrollo celebrated by drinking champagne and listened to him read Sonnet 23 and 57.

Hisoka

As unusual as it seems, Hisoka is gifted when it comes to Chemistry specifically. That is why you two work well together...there is some chemistry going on between you two.

His hair down and his glasses were his alter ego, it was something that made him act completely different than what you were used to.

When you all were freshmen, he would skip class, attend parties, and would be hungover almost every week but once he was called into the Dean’s office, he changed.

You slightly missed that edgy side of him, but you enjoyed having a serious beau.

Hisoka is a social butterfly and is the life of the conversation and you loved him for it but sometimes it was awkward.

While he was chatting away about Calcium (Ca) and Iron (Fe), you stood there nodding like an idiot. You had NO IDEA about what he was talking about and that is why you were going to drop your chemistry class.

“I saw an imbecile put aluminum foil in the microwave and it burst into flames. How did they not know that Microwaves are the radio waves falling under frequency around 2500 megahertz? Any metallic object detected by radio waves inside the microwave acts as a reflector of radio waves.”

You shove his arm hard. He was acting arrogant in front of his friends. You were used to this but it got on your nerves. You made mistakes, everyone does!...even those that almost burn down the entire dorm room.

You two leave the party and head to his dorm room. Once you were settled, you released a can of anger and threw it all over your boyfriend.

“Hisoka? You just humiliated me.”

“Oh? No one knows that I was talking about you, my dear.”

“Don’t ‘my dear’ me! I asked for your help and you’re ignoring me. I don’t appreciate that. I didn’t ignore you when you sprained your ankle, did I?”

“No, you didn’t, dear. I supposed I have a few hours to kill. What do you need help with?”

Hisoka’s way of studying was much different from other students. He exercises like crazy before he opens his textbook.

He listens to EDM instrumentals while on the treadmill and when he lifts weights. You weren’t standing there like a trophy, he made you lift too.

“Being healthy will help your brain flow more easily. Lift this dumbbell as heavy as you can.”

He ran a mile on the track upstairs. Sweat dripped from his face like he had been standing outside in the rain.

By the time you returned to his dorm, you were beyond tired. You laid your head on his pillow but just as you closed your eyes, he pulled you up on your feet.”

“Not on my watch,” he tutted. “It’s chemistry time.”

You were having trouble memorizing Chemical Formulas and this by far was the most difficult concept you had come across.

To make you stay awake, he turned on a bright LED light and faced it towards the table. The bright light nearly made your head fall off from the pain it reflected in your eyes.

Hisoka grabbed his book and began to write down the major chemicals on the periodic table and their charges.

“Pay attention to the following abbreviations and charges: Calcium is Ca, Chloride is Cl+2, Carbide is C+2, and Carbon Dioxide is CO+2. Read these over and I’ll test you again.”

He did just that but you still weren’t understanding. You were ready to give up.

Stupid scam. Why do I need a piece of paper to determine what I can do? You thought to yourself. Well, it’s obvious. If you can’t do the work now, what makes you think you can do it at a job? Harsh, I know.

“Let me try this,” He said. He carried you to his bedroom and gently placed you on it. He took off his shirt and removed his glasses. “Aluminum has a charge of +3 and Oxygen has -2. If there were three of me and two of my clones disappeared, how many of me are left?”

“Just you, right? One”

“Correct! Excellent.”

Wow, everything started making sense once he took his shirt off.

From then, he just inserted himself into the equation and then it started to make sense! He apologized for running his mouth earlier and promised to keep any more secrets between you two. The night ended with you sleeping in his bed wrapped in a cotton blanket just cuddling and that was it. And bam! You slept as sound.

Illumi

Dating the “hot” quiet history buff was a flex of its own. Sure Illumi didn’t talk to anyone besides you, but it didn’t matter. People swooned if he looked in their direction.

History was a popular major during your era. People were not like their grandparents; they wanted to learn about other cultures besides their own. Illumi’s specialty was in world history and civilizations. The class was very interesting to you but there was so much information, you could barely process it.

Illumi often wrote his essays in one day proofread and all! He often charged people to look their essays over.

One time he made $500 in one year!

Glancing at your transcripts, he notices that you have a C- and offers to help.

“Why are you looking through my stuff?”

Hey, he’s your boyfriend! But still, he should ask.

“Sorry. It was up on the screen,” he said, throwing his hands in the air.

You began to blush in embarrassment. The hottest smartest man in the building now knew that you were failing one of the easiest classes on campus.

Placing his thumb under your chin, he lifted your head to meet his gaze. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I can help you.”

“How? I am so behind! I zoned out after chapter 2!”

“We’ll watch a movie.”

“Oh, God! Not one from PBS is it?!”

“Yes. How else are you supposed to learn?”

He turns on the movie and allows you to lay your head on his shoulder but not too much. He is aware of your tricks and he wants you to pay attention.

Every 15 minutes, he pauses the movie and asks you checkpoint questions. If you got them wrong, you had to stand up with your underclothes on (t-shirt and shorts) in the cool room for 10 minutes. If you got the questions right, he allows you to lay more comfortably. You were already in your underclothes but you were under the blanket.

He made you write down key definitions and the embarrassment of each section.

After the movie, he blindfolds you and reads out a term. Surprisingly, you got them all correct!

As a reward for your past midterm, he takes you to dinner at a restaurant where he slips a promise ring on your finger containing your birthstone.

[the-gay-trashmouth]

Something about social media is so fucked up because like. I just saw a post from a trans woman begging for money to keep her life and and right under it people are sharing resources about Ukraine and my heart aches and aches and then. Here's where we are is futuristic movies or whatever. Tuck him in Tuesday. Bonkus Konkus. And I laugh. And I scroll. And I'm numb to it all. Because there's so much going on there but Im fucking struggling to stay afloat myself and all of it doom spirals in my brain and then

A new series is out and your mutual really likes it. Suddenly it's all memes you don't understand but you know your mutual likes a lot of things you do so you read and you laugh and you forget. You keep scrolling and you forget. You forget that donation post you rebloged. You half remember the Ukraine resources. But before you can remember. There's already more people dying, more people begging for spare change. More pain and suffering and theres nothing you can do but Reblog and hope someone with more money, more reach, more stability in their life, will see it and help.

I know this has been said before. A million people have said it and they've said it better than me. There are research papers on it from people with a degree in psychology and shit and I have been giggling about bonkus fucking konkus for ten minutes. I'm not qualified to say shit. But I am I guess.

And I know that it's not all bad. Someone commissioned a 50 fanart piece. I payed for my final textbook with that and got the final class I need for my high school diploma, and that carries over for the retake in the summer. I've made friends here, I've had people be there for me when I was at my lowest. Fandom gave me a space to explore my creativity when I got hyperfixations. And I know it's cliche and dumb but there were a lot of times where this god damn hellsite was all I had. The only place I felt like I could really be myself. No masking, no hiding, no shame. It was my space to be as cringe and childish and genuine as I wanted. And that's why I always come back. Why I genuinely fear the day they pull the plug on this money pit. And I know that I won't leave until they do. It's just.

I don't know. It's just something I thought and I'm too tired to keep my thoughts to myself anymore.

[toadsrbutch]

bro i hate my math professor 😩 i'm so tired of everything,,,she got pissy with me bc i was like "uhh can we maybe not use spyware to monitor us while we do exams" and she was like "no :) it's perfectly safe and i will fail u if u bother me again" plus the time where my relative was dying and i was obviously crying thru an exam and obviously failed bc i wasn't allowed to retake it another time like i hate it here!!

jesus, I’m so sorry :/ do you have an advisor or something you could talk to about her? I don’t know how much they can do but it might help. and be sure to be honest when it’s time to fill out course reflections or whatever where you say how the class goes at the end of the term. since you had such a bad experience (literally what the hell, I’m angry for you) you might want to go on “rate my professor” or something similar to caution other people away.

I’m sorry, I hope things improve or that the term’s end is drawing closer at least and you never have to be “taught” by her again :(