#i'm feral for this concept tbh

[arlertdarling]

❥ ROCKSTAR!HANGE

rockstar!hange who is the fiery-spirited bassist of flügel der freiheit — a german rock band famous for their fierce music, moody lyrics and masks made of bandages.

rockstar!hange who thrives in the spotlight, playing unforgettable solos and performing crazy stunts, from flips and back bends to knee slides and stage dives.

rockstar!hange whose body is all silver piercings, colourful nerdy tattoos and a few too many dumb not-always-drunken mistakes.

rockstar!hange who is positively unmatched in the headbanging game, jumping and thrashing until their hair has fallen out of its ponytail and their bandages are halfway off.

rockstar!hange who always knows exactly how to hype up the crowd or entertain them when there’s a delay or technical issues.

rockstar!hange who has countless scars from stage stunt accidents and is way too eager to recount the stories in grossly excessive and gory detail during interviews. their bandmates call them a reckless idiot, but they claim that ‘scars make good ice-breakers’ and ‘look badass’ and also ‘were totally worth it’.

rockstar!hange who strikes ridiculous poses and pulls weird faces in fan selfies — a total 180 from their promotional photoshoots, where they’re always slightly smirking and matching the serious vibe of their bandmates.

rockstar!hange who loves their fans, almost as much as their fans love them, and would probably stop to take a picture or give an autograph to every person who asked, if not for their management team and bandmates literally dragging them away.

rockstar!hange who is just as unhinged online as they are in real life, often scrolling through edits of themselves, commenting on fanwork and posting memes and goofy photos with nonsensical captions. luckily this is all limited to their personal socials because miche and levi got sick of them doing this on the band’s joint official accounts and changed the password to keep them out.

rockstar!hange who talked and rambled so much during the band’s GENIUS interview that most of it didn’t make it to the final cut.

rockstar!hange who, despite how it may seem, is actually really intelligent and practically the backbone of the band’s revolutionary music; always thinking outside the box, suggesting weird ideas and experimenting with concepts that neither miche nor levi had even thought to try.

rockstar!hange who you met through miche’s girlfriend, nanaba, when she invited you to see them play their first show, back when they were still a no name trio playing at school proms and empty bars.

rockstar!hange who had you hooked from the moment they stepped on stage, unintentionally charming you with their silly antics, dorky chatter mouth and intense bass playing.

rockstar!hange who would proceed to see you at the end of every show after that because they’d been hopelessly charmed by your looks, laughter and lovable personality. they flirted with you so blatantly that levi scolded them more than once, but you didn’t mind, of course, because you were flirting back just as much.

rockstar!hange whose relationship status didn’t become public until later, breaking the hearts of thousands, to the point that it was trending on german twitter for almost a week.

rockstar!hange who insists on a good luck kiss from you before every show.

rockstar!hange who doesn’t really care for paps — sometimes even likes the attention — but will not hesitate to confront them in the act if they try to snap a photo of you, levi or miche without your permissions.

rockstar!hange who gushes about you so often to their fans that you’ve accumulated a sort of fan club of your own.

rockstar!hange who is rarely seen off-stage without you at their side and an arm lazily thrown over your shoulders or a hand tucked into your back pocket.

rockstar!hange who will find out your current favourite song so they can add it to the set list last minute to surprise you.

rockstar!hange who is super clingy after touring, going out of their way to spend every waking hour with you — yes that includes following you into the bathroom — and then spooning you the entire night, only to do it all again the next day.

rockstar!hange who calls you the ‘rock’ to their ‘star’ because you’re always there to keep them grounded; to remind them that, at the end of the day, they’re a person just like all their fans, who gets tired, or needs a break, or worries and suffers burnout. it’s thanks to you that they’re able to keep doing what they love, and they make sure that everybody knows it.

[gingerteaonthetardis]

The X-Files | S04E06 Sanguinarium

[musical-chick-13]

Can somebody please explain to me what the appeal of vampires is.

[mvnces]

we never get to see what sobieski looks like as a werewolf because he, ya know, dies within 3 minutes but I think he'd look like a giant fucking gray/timber wolf <3

[velvetineblue]

idt i know any other btvs / angel fans so i'm probably speaking this into a uncomprehending void rn but . . . what if for taiyang's vampire verse, his ship was a slayer x vampire pairing. yes.... eheheeheheh. * laughs to self evilly & sexily *

[misshoneyimhome]

So I’m thinking thoughts I shouldn’t be this early in the AM any whoooo, Will may be kinky and chill but tbh doesn’t really seem to me to be a boyfriend that would want to share you with someone - a rando threesome when he’s single yeah for sure - but you’re his human so he’d go feral seeing you with another dude YET I feel like maybe with Auston going through a bit of a slump he’s someone Will trusts and could be added to the equation for a boost in team morale ya know? 🫠

Oh, I'm well aware, babe! 😍 So, I've been thinking... and I've got an idea 🙈 I might even just have unlocked a threesome I didn't know I needed! Is it too much? Or not enough? Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it 😛

・✶ ｡ﾟ

Warnings; 18+ smut; threesome, Boyfriend!Willy x Reader x bestfriend!Auston; fingering; oral sex (f and m recieving), unprotected sex (p in v); i think that's about it

Word count: 3K

Lifting Spirits

William never once imagined finding himself in this situation – here, in his own bed, alongside you and one of his closest friends. The three of you were nearly completely unclothed, and it was clear to everyone what was about to happen.

**

The whole situation began around six months ago when William had started noticing the subtle hints, where there were those shared glances loaded with unspoken desire between you and Auston.

Your connection with Auston had always been special, and it would have been naive to deny the chemistry. However, despite the great rapport and banter, your feelings towards him were purely platonic. He was a fantastic friend, someone funny and wonderful, but you never harboured any romantic feelings for him.

William was your boyfriend, and your love for him was unwavering. And every day, you made sure he felt that love and devotion.

Even though William had previously been quite the charmer with the ladies, everything had changed when he met you. You walked right into his heart, and he never wished for it to be any other way.

You were his everything, and although he had never been one to believe in such fairy tale notions, you had made him believe in the concept of a true soulmate.

Therefore, the playful banter between you and Auston didn't faze him much. He had complete trust in you, knowing deep down to his core that you were his and his alone.

Yet recently, there had been a noticeable shift in dynamics, not necessarily in a romantic manner, but a slight blossoming in the bond between you and William's teammate seemed to be emerging.

And this transformation might have been linked to Auston going through a rough patch. Despite his strong start with three impressive hatties, he hit a slump, affecting both his streak and overall performance. And it took a toll on him.

You had of course tried to support your friend, offering a comforting presence and a listening ear, however, it felt like something more was lacking.

To Auston, you held a unique place – not just a friend, potential girlfriend, or sibling figure, but as someone he could confide in openly without any reservation. Either you’d always have a quick wit or a comforting response ready at hand.

And while he understood that your heart belonged to William, he couldn't deny finding you incredibly attractive. Your radiant smile, captivating eyes, and infectious laughter held a magnetic charm for him. But he would never jeopardize your friendship or put you in a position to choose. It wasn't even a consideration. He knew he'd never be the one chosen, and strangely, he was completely ok with that.

So, during this period when his hockey skills weren't at their peak, Auston found himself turning to you once more. However, this time, he confessed that perhaps he needed more than just a friend to talk to. He longed for a connection similar to what you and William shared.

You had initially suggested to Auston to find a casual hook-up to lift his spirits, but it seemed that solution didn't quite fit the bill.

And after spending a few hours with Auston and unable to uplift his mood, you came home and turned to William to discuss his friend's situation. As teammates, everyone's psychological state could significantly impact others, and it was evident that Auston's struggles were affecting the team.

"I don’t know what to do, Willy," you shared while lounging on the sofa with your boyfriend. "He's really not himself... I might not be a hockey expert, but it looks like he's lost his touch."

William nodded in agreement. Auston's struggle wasn't just during games; it extended to training sessions and work outs, and his usual upbeat mood seemed to be notably absent.

"Hmm, maybe we should find a way to cheer him up," William suggested, a hint of concern in his voice.

"I suggested the same, but he's not keen on meeting anyone, especially not hooking up with strangers," you replied, offering a gentle smile as both of you brainstormed ideas.

But then after a few moments of contemplation, William's thoughts drifted to a suggestion he never thought he'd consider. And he tentatively began, "Well, um... there might be something."

-

He remembered a moment during the off-season when some of the guys had gathered for some quality time and a casual chat on a late summer evening. Mitch had suggested playing a round of truth or dare, a typical scenario among the players.

Then the conversation turned to Auston, who opted for truth. The question posed was nothing extraordinary for such conversations, but it stirred the summer air into a sudden hush. Everyone was curious to hear the answer from the single forwarder.

"If you had to have a threesome with a teammate and their partner, who would it be?"

The query hung in the air, and while it might have been a standard 'guy talk', it brought an unexpected moment of silence among the lads.

"Well, I think I'd go with my man Willy and y/n," Auston had chuckled. It wasn't much of a surprise to anyone. William knew Auston had an interest in you and had shared a few thoughts about you in the early days, before your relationship with William became serious.

-

Back on the sofa, William pondered whether he should bring it up, deciding to do so, partly to see your reaction.

"You know, Aus might not feel up to being with any random girl, but..." He paused briefly, clearing his throat before continuing, "I know he'd want to be with you..."

You glanced at William, a puzzled expression on your face. Did he just suggest that you sleep with Auston?

"Willy... you mean, like... I should sleep with him?" you asked, seeking clarification.

William chuckled slightly. "Well, maybe not just the two of you, I'd be there too."

You weren't entirely sure if he was serious, but there was a sincerity in his tone that made you consider his words. The attraction towards the Scottsdale lad had crossed your mind, but the idea of actually sleeping with him was something you hadn't entertained before.

"Is that something you'd really want?" you asked gently, observing William's expression for any signs of insincerity, yet finding none.

"Sure, I mean, I don't like the idea of sharing you with anyone, but if I had to, it would be Auston. I know there's an attraction between you two, and he's drawn to you – but I also trust him, and you know I trust you with anything..." William explained, a hint of a smile on his lips, his eyes conveying honesty.

Your lips curved into a smile as you searched his eyes for any hint of falsehood, yet again finding none.

You genuinely believed that this was something he also desired, an offering to his friend, yet you knew William would still want to maintain control.

Your sex life with William had never been boring. And while he had experienced a threesome or two in his single days, and although you had considered it, both of you hadn't ventured into that territory together.

Being his girlfriend, William was particular about whom he'd involve, trusting someone completely because he wasn't comfortable with the idea of others touching you. However, Auston was an exception.

"Okay," you spoke softly, surprising your boyfriend slightly. "If you're okay with it, I'd like to do it."

"Yeah... I'm good with it. Besides, I do think it might be hot," he murmured, leaning in towards you, his lips tantalizingly close to yours, his hands encircling your body. "You'd look incredibly sexy."

The mere thought of being entangled with both William and Auston set your mind racing, and without hesitation, you pulled William into a passionate and intense kiss, tangling your fingers in his hair.

**

In this moment, there you were, nestled between your boyfriend and Auston without a barrier, all three positioned on your knees on the bed. Auston faced you while William was behind you, and their bare torsos pressed against your skin, their hands exploring your body cautiously, ensuring they didn't accidentally touch each other.

William gently swept your hair to one side, planting soft kisses on the nape of your neck, occasionally nibbling lightly before trailing down to your shoulder blade. Meanwhile, Auston engaged in kissing you passionately, his tongue intertwining with yours.

Naturally, before diving into action, the three of you had had a conversation about boundaries and limitations. Although William was open to sharing you with Auston, his teammate's eagerness to join in swiftly prompted him to establish clear ground rules.

it was ok for Auston to kiss you on your lips, with tongue.

He could eat you out as much as he’d like.

And you could suck his dick and he was even allowed to come in your mouth if you were ok with it.

He had to make you come before himself.

He wasn’t allowed to bite or mark you in any way.

And finally, he could fuck you in your cunt, if he wore a condom or made damn sure to pull out and not come inside you.

William didn’t like to share that much if you with him. He was the only one who could come inside you. Surely you were on birth control so no danger there but filling you with his cum was just something else.

As you moved your mouth in sync with Auston's, sharing saliva, your hands sought a place to settle. His chest felt suitable, while he held your face and William gripped your hips.

The three of you shifted gently, switching positions, when you broke away from Auston to turn and kiss William, and Auston focused on the other side of your neck.

It was a bit chaotic and disorganised, yet undeniably pleasurable. The room filled with warmth, sweat, and a mix of raw desire and sexual tension.

Amidst the kissing, William's hand found its way down to your most sensitive spot, delicately rubbing your clit, and your kiss with him broke, as you released a soft moan from your lips. Auston eased back a little too, his hand joining William's but travelling further, slowly inserting two fingers with ease inside you. They were slightly rougher compared to William's touch, yet similarly substantial, akin to how you'd imagined his cock might be.

Their eyes were fixed intensely on your face as you leaned back against your boyfriend for support, relishing in the pleasure they were giving you. You could sense William's hard member against your lower back, prompting you to glance down and notice Auston's erection, restrained in his boxers.

"Shit, she's so wet," Auston murmured as his fingers glided in and out of your warmth, already coated with your juices. "And fucking tight. I can't wait to be inside her."

The sheen of sweat adorned your bodies as the temperature rose between you all.

"Remember the rule, Tony," William spoke softly, sensing your trembling against him. "Her pleasure comes first."

Auston nodded, continuing his gentle movements with his fingers, while William persisted in stimulating your sensitive spot. And you knew it wouldn’t take long for you to reach climax; you’d already been all riled up before anything had even begun.

"Then allow me to taste her," Auston proposed, and William simply nodded, both men tenderly withdrawing from your body.

Sensing a void within, you offered the boys a pleasant smile before they guided you to lie back on the bed, your head resting against the pillows.

William lounged beside you, planting tender kisses, while Auston settled onto his knees at the edge of the bed, leaning forward to come close to your heat with his mouth.

And as he wrapped his arms around your thighs, his gentle licks between your folds elicited a louder moan from you, causing you to close your eyes and grasp onto the nearby sheets.

William's intense gaze remained fixed on you as he softly pleasured himself, occasionally glancing at his friend's attentiveness between your legs. "Good girl," he murmured, noticing how much you relished Auston's ministrations. "Show Auston how good you can be for him," William whispered softly.

This experience brought more enjoyment than he had anticipated. Watching his friend satisfy his girlfriend while still retaining control, being able to signal when to proceed or halt, was a thrill for him.

Your moans echoed like a sweet music to him, growing louder as Auston continued his work on your cunt. He licked, sucked, poking your entrance with his tongue, and you found yourself becoming as mess for him. Sensing your impending climax, you surrendered to the mattress, as your heavy breaths escaping your lungs.

"Oh, Auston, yes… I'm… I'm coming."

With his nose subtly nudging your clit and his skilled tongue at work, you released a loud relief, arching your back as the rush of orgasm overwhelmed you.

"Fuck," you breathed heavily, gradually easing down from the intense peak.

Auston, wearing a smirk, withdrew from pleasuring you and stood to remove his boxers, revealing his proud cock. And leaning on your elbows, you shared a kiss with William, silently expressing gratitude for the experience, before offering him your best puppy eyes.

"Darling, let me taste you," you whispered softly.

With a satisfied smirk, William nodded gently, rising from his relaxed position to kneel on the pillows, facing you and Auston.

"On your hands and knees, babe," he softly commanded, and you eagerly complied.

Understanding the unspoken cue, Auston returned to kneel behind you, aligning the tip of his member with your entrance and resting his hands on your hips. Gently pushing inside, you released a deep gasp as his considerable length filled you.

"Shit, she's tight," Auston exhaled, feeling your inner walls enveloping him. And his cock matched your imagination: thick and lengthy, akin to William's, and incredibly pleasurable.

"I know, she's such a good girl,”  William praised you, softly running his fingers through your hair, his own cock eagerly awaiting your mouth.

And as Auston gradually began moving his hips behind you, stimulating your inner walls, you glanced up at your boyfriend and opened your mouth, inviting him to enter.

William licked his lips as his erection met yours, inviting him into your warm mouth, skilfully manoeuvring your tongue to explore every inch of him.

Leaning back slightly, William released a moan as you pleasured him with your mouth, while Auston continued to hit you deeply, making you drip with juices.

And with a bit more coordination, the three of you established a good rhythm. Auston thrusting into you, while William rocked his hips, allowing you to take him deeper into your throat. As you breathed steadily through your nose, you let saliva cascade down his shaft, having almost teary-eyed from the overwhelming pleasure.

William's fingers entwined in your hair, anchoring you in place as your entire body moved along with Auston's rhythm.

"I'm getting close," Auston softly warned, prompting William to halt and look down at you.

"Take good care of him," he commanded once more, withdrawing his member from your mouth and shifting from his position.

Taking a moment to catch your breath, you refilled your lungs with air before Auston repositioned himself in front of you. Your hungry gaze met his, then lowered to his erection, causing you to instinctively lick your lips.

With a satisfied grin, Auston guided himself between your eager lips, emitting a moan as you took him in fully, coming to taste yourself.

"Fuck," he exclaimed.

"Oh, and just so you know, she's amazing at that," William chuckled lightly, positioning himself behind you and reconstructing the previous formation before entering you again.

Swiftly settling into a steady rhythm once more, Auston quickly neared his climax. His breaths grew erratic, his eyes closing shut.

"Yes, y/n, I'm gonna come," his husky voice announced, followed by a groan as he released his load into your mouth.

And as William continued thrusting into you, you eagerly swallowed all of Auston's release, ensuring he was thoroughly cleaned up. Yet, it didn't take much longer for you to declare your own impending climax.

"Willy, I'm coming," you gasped, your legs trembling as you tightened around him, letting yourself go to a second orgasm.

William skilfully maintained the pace through the intensity, but your tightness pushed him close to the edge as well.

Swiftly withdrawing, he flipped you onto your back, securing your legs around his hips as he entered again in missionary style—a position he adored, allowing him to be close to you, exert himself fully, and reinforce the feeling that you belonged with him.

"I'm almost there," he moaned against the curve of your neck as your harmonious moans filled the air.

"Come for me, baby," you urged, and with just a few more thrusts, William released into your depths, his panting echoing the intensity of the moment.

The experience had been incredibly intense. And lounging beside you, Auston couldn't help but beam with satisfaction.

It had been beyond his wildest imaginations of the chance to be with you like this.

Glancing up, William tenderly withdrew and settled on your other side, allowing the mixture of your fluids to trickle gently from your core.

Smiles lit up your faces, the aftermath leaving you all euphoric, as you turned to Auston, unable to suppress a smile.

"I hope this lifted your spirits a bit, love.”

"Absolutely," he replied, still catching his breath.

"Good," you simply smiled.

**

Then after spending a couple of hours cuddling and unwinding, Auston bid farewell, leaving just you and William in the condo, and your boyfriend wore a serene smile as he joined you in bed after a post-sex shower.

"Hey," he spoke softly. "I love you, you know that, right?"

You nodded, matching his gentle smile.

"And about what went down with Auston... I'm happy we did it for him, and I just really hope you enjoyed it."

Your eyes met in a tender exchange as you responded gently.

"Darling, it was truly incredible..." you expressed softly, pressing your lips lightly together. "But if it's okay with you, I'm more than happy being just us two."

William couldn't resist smiling at your endearing nature and simply nodded.

"Don't worry, babe. I prefer it like that anyway.”

[beanghostprincess]

Trans buggy is my lifeblood and I am SO HAPPY YOU LOVE HER TOO and I'm feral I'm shaking the bars of my cage FUCK I LOVE WOMEN

Like. Yes. Absolutely, Shanks and Buggy have little bits and pieces of ALL their parents, specifically Ray and Roger but No Adult Was Safe From Their Assimilated Found Family, Alright?

Shanks does this one movement when he's showing off and being SILLY about it that he picked up from Oden. Buggy uses chopsticks more easily than forks and spoons, which is mind boggling to those who know her and how clutzy she is.

Crocus was the KING of unexpected and frankly terrifying threats, something Buggy learned like a damned religion. Shanks got his penchant for Gay Uncle On Holiday clothes and patterns from him.

A lot of Shanks' attacks and swordplay was taught to him by Roger and Rayleigh, so his style is a mix of their own with a TWIST that's all him. Buggy wasn't as interested in swordsmanship, but she certainly isn't a novice at it. The forms and katas to her are meditative, and she can't really sit still for normal meditation ((AuDHD Buggy my beloved)) so THIS is her way of grounding. Her knife fighting is also derived from Ray's style, with quick, devasting blow that focus more on backlash damage, Haki and agility.

Buggy and Shanks both have Roger's grin, and when Rayleigh sees them, grown and side by side and beaming and greeting him so warmly, part of him breaks and heals and splinters and oozes love. He of course will not show weakness and instead teases them, as is his love language.

Also consider Cross Guild adopting the Seraphims. Stuff's normal at first until they give the kids some children's books. Cue "what is a dad? What is a mom?" questions. The adults answer them, and the kids simply nod before wandering off again.

Then, a few hours later, Buggy feels a tiny hand tug-tug at her pants. It's two little dark haired tykes, big saffron and violet eyes staring up at her. She blinks. "What's up, munchkins?"

"Mother, we want a snack and fathers are busy."

"Oh. Yeah, sure thing, sweeties, let me ju- WAITWHAT-?!"

Shanks is frothing, seething, crying in the window like a Victorian woman betrayed when he gets word that Buggy and the other two have "sons". He then proposes they have a baby too, to be fair.

Then the kids call him uncle or father twice removed and he is suddenly living his best life wdym he's gonna be the BEST uncle ever, hey kids wanna go harass people-?

Buggy is BEYOND flustered but she's also.... really flattered? Shanks wants a baby? With HER?? Like a real, whole ass baby. Wow. And she already has two sons! Maybe. Her little Birdie seems a tad unphased by the concept of gender anyway, so she won't push. She has two kids. And Shanks wants a third. Wow. Wow~ ♡

And then Crocodile has to go and ruin it by suggesting the kids stay with "auntie Al" for the weekend, while the guys see if they can get that baby idea rolling~

Buggy proceeds to blush so hard she's STEAMING and promptly faints.

I FUCKING LOVE WOMEN TOO!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMING THIS EVERYWHERE I GO!!!!!!!!!

Both of them having traits of all their parents and role models and keeping them with them forever,, When Rayleigh sees them again he's so fond of their little gestures and :(( He loves them so so much.

Also, the whole thing about Cross Guild adopting the Seraphims is just so so cute. And them calling Buggy 'mom'??????? Crying and sobbing, idk. Cute family that is not dysfunctional but pretty much not normal my beloved.

Honestly, Buggy as a mom just feels so right. But especially as an adoptive mom, you know? She just keeps seeing outcasts and understanding them so well and wanting to take care of them. Tbh, Shanks and Buggy should just,, Find a kid in a treasure chest and keep the baby.

[conkreetmonkey]

[FALLOUT (SHOW) SPOILERS]

thoughts on a certain fleshy pink monster under the cut

So the show is canon, right? Todd Howard said so, apparently, and yeah, to my moderately trained eye the show js remarkably accurate. The ghoul vials are a new thing, but they're wholly NEW, so I think they work out fine, especially since they're in California well over 100 years after the time of the last game that took place there. It's totally believable to me that the medication was invented after FO1 and remains a regional thing. I think a drug that can prevent a ghoul from going feral but is very expensive and only avaliable and known in a certain area is a neat concept that fits right in with the worldbuilding (if only Oswald The Outrageous could know about this...).

However, I'm here to talk about the one lore aspect of the show I find somewhat problematic: the gulper. In their debut in Far Harbor and in 76 after that, gulpers were simply mutated salamanders that had evolved to be massive bipedal apex predators, filling an ecological niche on the island of Far Harbor left open by the lack of deathclaws and serving as competition to them in the swampy areas of 76's Appalachia. Cool beans, cool monster, all's good.

Then in the show there's a "gulper" that's the result of human genetic experimentation. Is this an inconsistency?

There are a few ways I can interpret this:

- Californian gulpers are a different species from East Coast gulpers, and are called by the same name due to their similarities.

- The "rad-resistant species" Vault 4 was crossbreeding humans with were gulpers (scrap of evidence: the pregnant woman in the video Lucy finds seemingly birthing tadpoles, which are the larval form of salamanders. Also the "slow digestion" that leads to a stomach full of random objects and animal parts, like how the gulpers are always full of random items in the games)

- Human originating gulpers and "natural" gulpers live side by side in Cali and are regarded as one species

- This is a retcon, and all gulpers are now the result of human experimentation (don't believe this one tbh)

Thoughts?

[teaweltzer]

I'm so curious about sprout, what's her lore? How does she utilize her powers? Why does she have fangs and mushrooms growing out of her?

She's such a unique and cool character! I really adore her design too (how did you come up with her design too, like it really inspires me to make my own dnd druids more creepy lol).

She's got so much and so little going on tbh! And I don't know anything about her backstory before she was reborn until it gets revealed in games. Lore wise, she was killed and but reborn via mushrooms inhabiting her body then found by a Vistani family who loves her and she loves them. Tho uh.. her new parents had to deal with a very feral scared teenager for a bit. She's only been reborn for less than half a year. Plus Sprout doesn't remember anything from before, and in game can probably deduct that she died (no clue how or why tho yet), and which domain she is maybe from originally. Her mushrooms being made from the Mists is a very new realization as well.

Power wise is standard druid stuff, but with the obvious mushroom flair due to her whole... thing & being a Circle of Spores. She does do some punchy stuff cause her Vistani mom is a monk! As for the fangs, her favorite cantrip is Primal Savagery, but I like the idea of her getting baby fangs from her overabundant use of it. Just her downside right now is being majorly necrotic or acid/poison type damage spells, that's not very effective against all the undead/ghosts we've been up against! She just wants to bite things & make it hurt!

Concept wise, i had an idea for a reborn via mushrooms druid a long time ago with the same visual concept, but went being a teenager route. I think I pitched the idea to my DM as 'being the NPC child adventuring parties like to adopt.' But then Sprout was given a very cool family who found her and raised her back to health so now she's just with the party as a request from her dad to stay behind so maybe she could learn/remember things about herself. Which.. okay dad, but she's not enjoying the crisis' so far!

The idea of her has grown cause I love my DM and we spitball stuff a lot. I do always enjoy thinking of the idea that Stefan & Ana (her Vistani parents) not being able to have kids & the Mists just give them a feral teenager.

[yujeong]

Fic Ask Game: Favorite Fic Lines

Hello people. So, I got some sudden inspiration for this little game, which goes hand in hand with the KinnPorsche Fanfic Comment Event a little bit, in my opinion: Share the lines of fics that have brought a big emotional reaction out of you. It can be anything, from sadness to happiness to horniness to anything in between. Lines that have stayed with you, no matter how long ago you read the fic. I believe our writers deserve a little praise in these trying times, don't you think? So, for me, some of them are the following: 1) "The rib hurts so much more now that someone else knows about it." - drank every scar, by @ginnymoonbeam - Tbh, I'd have to put the whole fic in here, but this is the line I tend to think of whenever the fic comes to mind. Rereading it now to find the line made my eyes water, it's so fucking visceral and perfect and I love it so much. Once again, thank you so, SO much for writing it and sharing it with the world ❤️ 2) "Vegas’ violence is unpredictable, painfully personal, and utterly, tragically ineffectual.

Pete forgives him all of it." - Civil Hands, by @ameliarating - I can't count the times I went feral over both Civil Hands and Deep Dive. As a fan of Pete, both of those fics mean the world to me, and this specific line has been on my mind since the moment I read it. I love how it showcases Vegas' effect on Pete's worldview, how Vegas made him break his own rules, and how he came to accept it, because it's him. Incredible writing, I love it so fucking much❤️ 3) "He’d rather be marked as disposable, he’d realized, than erased as invisible.

There was something bitter about realizing that he’d been both." - Once You Are Real, by @veliseraptor - Lise chose this for the summary and it's such a perfect choice. I think it's the reason I chose to read the fic in the first place. I am very emotional when it comes to the concept of Pete finding out he was forgotten, and this fic does an amazing job with it. I keep returning to it a lot, I love it to death. Painful in it's brilliance, I can't recommend it enough. 4) "“I don’t know,” Pete said unsteadily. “I don’t know. How could I know what that feels like? I’m not that kind of person.” He pulled against Vegas’s grip, and got nowhere. “You make my teeth ache. You make the world bright, like it’s real. It hurts. It’s hurt since I met you, but that means I can never forget I’m alive." - even the clearest water, by @luckydicekirby What a fic. The concept, the lines, the execution, it all deserves praise until the end of time. Pete's answer to Vegas' "Do you love me?" will always remain in my head as one of the best things VP-related I've ever read and ever will read in my life. I loved this so fucking much, I will never get over it ❤️ 5) "“And now you have nothing,” Kinn says. “As I said, a dumb move.”

“Wrong again,” Vegas says. “I now have something you don’t.”

“Oh?” Kinn doesn’t hide the way he rolls his eyes. “Massive hospital bills? Bed sores?”

“Happiness.”" - Your Power Over Me, by @wisteria-daydreamer - A very special shout out to my lovely friend who's written one of my favorite Kinn&Vegas fics I've ever had the pleasure to read. When this line came, I literally gasped out loud, it left me speechless. The way Kinn's POV is written was marvelous and the whole conversation he had with Vegas was incredible. Check it out if you crave some good Kinn&Vegas fics, it's very, very good. Disclaimer: I have so many fics and authors I love and I've made that clear to both them and my followers in the past. My brain could only handle doing 5 for this, but I absolutely have more than 5 that I'm obsessed with. Maybe one day I'll do a Part 2, I'll see how it goes in the future. No pressure tagging all the following lovely people, besides the writers that have already been tagged: @wretchedamaranth, @xpi-x-elx, @fleet-off, @lu-sn, @suzteel, @tsttoain, @thisautistic, @theoldastronomer, @vegaseatsass, @adanima, @kissporsche, @raksh-writes, @nyxelestia, @yourknightofrage, @mightymightygnomepriest, @justanothervariant, @justfionn and anyone else who wants to share the love for their fave fics and authors. You can do 5 or 10 or 100, there's no limit at all ❤️❤️

[brynnmclean]

I just wanted to say that I love the expression "RoP-positive" in your bio.

I haven't seen it (not interested in subscribing to Amazon), don't much like what I heard about the story, but don't like the hate-train either, love the music.

Anyway I like this phrasing, it's wholesome.

Hi there!!! Thanks for this message!

Yeah, I put that into my bio because I wanted to make it really clear that not only am I a big fan of the Legendarium as a whole, I'm absolutely a fan of the show. And contrary to some Haters™️ beliefs, that's not a mutually exclusive state to be in.

(Tbh, it's probably a little more accurate to label myself as "RoP FERAL" especially IRL. I did get into a little rant at my family's dinner table the other day about how imo folks don't give the show a fair shot, especially folks who aren't actually watching it and paying attention to all the details that the designers are incorporating, and so are just relying on the vitriol of, yeah, the hate-train. Also related: Jackson Film Brain Rot drives me bonkers. Ahem. Apologies, I will quit this rant while I'm ahead here.)

Anyway, I do understand not being interested in the show as a concept or in paying truly a ridiculous amount of money for the not-even-ad-free-anymore Amazon Prime streaming service.

I personally love Rings of Power and would like other folks on here to know that about me. Happy to hear the note in my bio is appreciated, even if you aren't engaging with the show!

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol. 15

Hi friends!!

Welcome to week 15 of The Spreadsheet Digest! I read a lot of angst this week.... but there's plenty of really good smut and fluff to balance it out, I promise! Also 3/10 fics are from one author, but I promise their stuff is to die for.

You can find the Spreadsheet here and all of my previous rec lists here.

Recs under the funny BTS pic from Triple Frontier

Birds of Prey - a Tommy one shot by @toxicanonymity

I normally wouldn't rec a tommy fic, but!! First of all Toxic wrote it so like... duh. Second of all it's kind of a sidebar to her Raider!Joel series and I'm assuming it kind of comes into play later in that series so like you should read it. Also it's fucking delicious. Raider!Tommy is sooooo fucking hot.

Fall Apart, Again - a Joel series by @wildemaven

AHHHHH THE TWIST!!! Healthy dose of angst right up front in the first chapter with these lovely hints of more to come AND THEN!!! there's a twist. I can't tell you about the twist because that would ruin it, but like I thought I knew what it was, right? And the thing I thought was gonna happen did and I was like oh! I called it. But that was a fakeout. There's a bigger twist. Fucking.... wild man. You gotta read it. (Oh and wildemaven writes so beautifully. The descriptive language is to die for). Get it while it's hot kids.

Breakout - a Joel series by @the-ginger-hedge-witch

Boxer (now trainer) Joel!! Reader has an asshole boxer bf! I hope Joel gets to beat the shit out of Tyler tbh. I really fucking love Ren's writing style and the way she builds up the characterization. Like we learn so much about Joel's life and personality, Tyler and Reader's relationship dynamic, Reader's sort of (as yet unknown to them) kinship with Joel, Sarah and Joel's relationship, and more all in 7K words. This fic is going to be so fucking lovely. I think it's one of those "Oh my god that poor man deserves to be happy for once in his miserable little life" fics and I LOVE those.

This is the Way - a Din one shot by @psychedelic-ink

I thought this fic was gonna be silly! And I mean I guess it was. Certainly no angst. But if you think accidentally moaning This is the Way would be silly.... you think wrong. The way Mando responded??? Good god this fic is hot, y'all. I just like... does Din have a breeding kink? Is it the fact that she said it when he creampied her and like... the marriage vow thing is "we will raise warriors" ??? Sorry I'm speculating a lot here. I just... anyway yeah feral din. very hot.

The Art of Healing - a Marcus Pike series by @northernbluess

This is such a gorgeous fic. It has a lot of discussion of ED recovery, so please read warnings and take care of yourself and don't read if it will hurt you BUT!!! The way the topic is handled in the fic is so fucking beautiful. Marcus is a precious angel baby and Jo is so so so strong and wonderful. It's really lovely to follow along with her therapy and see what she paints. It's also incredible watching her bond with Marcus grow. It's a slow burn, therapist x OFC, with lots of angst but also so many of these like... really tender and sweet moments. It's so clearly a story that is coming from the heart and I adore it and can't wait to read more.

Exile - a Javi P series by @jksprincess10

Ok big warning up front -- she killed steve lmao. That's how reader ends up being Javi's partner. I really love how Javi's dickish demeanor from early season one is being played up here. Big fuckin fan. I just know this is gonna be a beautiful smutty enemies to lovers extravaganza.

Only Angel - a Javi P series by @tieronecrush

I really like professor peña. Like it makes a lot of sense that he'd do that after retiring. I love the concept of this fic so much. And the tension is being built up so fucking well. Javi pining and chastising himself. The subtle mention of reader doing something to support herself that is definitely not TAing. I would be more than happy to be Javi's extraneous circumstance. Anywayyyy I fucking love this and I'm so excited for the next chapter ahhhh.

-------------- oldies but goodies ------------

I grabbed a giant chunk off the older half of the sheet so there's a pretty good section where it's just one author lol. Oh and a lot of these are on AO3 but several of the stories were also posted on tumblr, I just read them on AO3 for whatever reason.

One Thing I'm Missing - a Joel series by @joelscruff

Sex, Drugs, and... Tacos - a Dieter one shot by @absurdthirst

Deseos Profundos - Javi P one shot by @absurdthirst

Le Trio De Fleur - a Din one shot by @absurdthirst

Chemical Feelings - a Din one shot by @absurdthirst

Menace - a Joel one shot by @atinylittlepain

I'll Never Fall in Love Again - a Dieter series by OonaJaeAdira (on AO3)

Stress Relief - a Javi P one shot by ezrasbirdie (on AO3)

Waterproof - a Dieter one shot by LeslieLyman (on AO3)

Starlight - a Din Series by LovelessDagger (on AO3)

Let the right one in - a Joel Series by LaMorenadelAtl (on AO3)

Dark but just a game - a Joel One shot by devilmademewriteit (on AO3)

Celestial Navigation - Dieter Series by @write-and-buried

Extra Whipped Cream - a Dieter Series by @pettyprocrastination

----------------------

Happy Reading!

[eastgaysian]

Sincere question: I don't understand your reaction here: "also the fact i had to look up lottie's actress to be like wait is she mixed. it's just a bit silly to me tbh" . Are you saying the show should have explicitly discussed her ethnic background? Is it because you think her possible powers are related to her being Maori, or like in general it should have been more obvious?

this is a complicated one to answer because i feel like i have to go macro -> micro to get all my thoughts out sensibly. but we'll get there i promise

the genre of survivalist fiction, more specifically the deserted island/stranded in the wilderness narrative, is racially loaded. sometimes this is patently obvious, ie robinson crusoe and the character of friday, but even with a cast of entirely white characters the concept of uninhabited and untamed wilderness (which the white characters either tame or are degraded by) is tied to colonialism*, as is the tension between what is viewed as civilized or uncivilized behavior, good christian morality vs primitive/barbaric 'savagery', etc.

(* this isn't necessarily constant throughout history/a global context but is absolutely a part of this genre and the american context of yellowjackets)

yellowjackets seems to promise a deconstruction of the genre by focusing on the psychological horror angle with a diverse cast of teenage girls, as well as reflecting on how the trauma of that event would carry on into life after rescue. and like, i like it! i think it's fun to watch, it succeeds at entertaining me. but i really think it drops the ball when it comes to examining the racial implications of this kind of story.

it's clear that there's some degree of thought and significance put into taissa as a Black female character: her conversation with van about Black characters dying first in horror movies, the conversation with that potential donor who feels entitled to her trauma because of All She's Done For You People, her being the first Black female senator of new jersey.

...so what exactly are we supposed to make of the fact that she has an Evil Personality that first emerged after the crash, who eats dirt and bites people and makes shrines with broken dolls and dog heads, just lurking under the surface waiting until she loses control? the other characters are definitely psychologically disturbed, but the regression to this 'wild' state is extreme and reserved for taissa. why? it doesn't critically examine or deconstruct the ways in which the behavior we view as 'feral' is racialized. at best it's thoughtless, at worst it's actively engaging in racist tropes.

on the other hand you have lottie, whose racial identity isn't brought up in the text, but is at least a consistent casting decision for teen/adult lottie and her parents. the role she fills of being converted (to a point?) and baptized by a devoted white christian girl and then becoming an occult mystic who communes with the wilderness and wears deer antlers to try and lead a ritual human sacrifice is extremely racially loaded. i wouldn't have been irked by the lack of acknowledgment if this wasn't her role. but because it hasn't been brought up and it's not critically examined, i'm not sure whether the show wants me to think her possible powers are related to her being māori, and either way the implications are really troubling to me.

i'm not #cancelling the show i'm just disappointed by what feels like a huge oversight with regards to the racialized aspects of the genre. narratively i also think the build up of the maybe-supernatural elements was kind of all over the place which doesn't help but that's not really here nor there. it just doesn't sit well with me!

[neet-elite]

Very fucked up of the universe to put the idea of Kylar with knifeplay and bloodplay kinks into my head and force me to just go on with my day, ngl. It's such a messy concept but bro...

You cannot tell me this freak wouldn't go feral over the idea of mixing his blood with the blood of his darling. You just can't. He'd be so into that shit, regardless of where the blood came from. God, why the fuck do I come up with ideas like that, I'm literally not even that into knife- and bloodplay due to personal experiences 💀

So sorry if this ask was off-putting, I had to get it out of my system because I was literally going crazy thinking about it (•́︿•̀)

— 🐾

im definitely not into blood/knife play irl, but fictionally speaking, it can be really hot with the right characters. and kylar is one of them!!

warning: discussion of self harm. i don't tend to trigger warn, but i know this can be a very sensitive topic. general blood and knife discussion too.

i think he'd have a cutting fetish tbh. which is also fucked up, but im saying it anyway. would love to cut your arms for you, let you cut his, or cut together. wants so bad to rub his arm with yours and share blood that way, even though that is a terrible idea lmao.

just the image of his eyes blown wide with lust, pitch black from how horny he is, tongue poking out in concentration while he cuts, cock rock hard and just leaking through his pants while you watch him. huffing and puffing and moaning every time you tug on his skin to make the cut easier for him, panting and wheezing when you stretch your arm out for him to attend to.

watching him jerk his cock to the sight of blood trickling down your arm, thirsty for a drink of it. having him lap at your bloody arm only to take his red stained tongue down to your clit.

he'd be the type to keep a blood vial necklace too i think, and would more than happily provide his own blood for you to keep one. keeps a knife on him at all times, loves sneaking off into the school bathroom with you to cut and cut and fuck while cutting ughhhh he's so gross and nasty i love him.. always cuts himself a little too deep when he cums and needs to go to the nurse </3

[0cta9on]

Hoya there bud, pray that things ease up over there😚, got quite a number of ask/tell so I will be doing it all in one ask

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🗨️1. Question: What are you looking for in creating complex characters and relationships that you want in a story? Is it like how character A personality could click together with character B (Like Intimidated looking but klutz girl get couple up with compose looking but a teasing guy)🤔

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🗨️2. Comment: Just saying, you making me go down bad for Eunha🥵, When she's in Gfriend, I only see her as a cute idol that's all but ever seen their Viviz debut, Gyaattt daym she's hot 🔥 the epitome of both cute and sexy combine into one person👌🗿

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🗨️3. Comment: I really enjoy your blurb of Eunha, sometimes a blurb (as short as a couple of paragraphs and short dialogue) already satisfies me. Kinda reminds me of this, NSFW Tag game: sex positions: https://ggidolsmuts.tumblr.com/post/655847569294049280/nsfw-so-you-lost-a-bet-and-posted-that-you-wanted

💫Just for fun hehehe: You walk upon your housemate with an unintended morning wood, How would you start your day?

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🗨️4. Comment: Here is Minji contagious laugh

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSFW3GRot/

Such a ethereal and cuddly girl to have that contrasting laugh was phenomenal 🤣, Watching minji clip always reminded me of your work, Just imagine Yuno amused shocking face after experiencing first hand her really genuine laugh 🤭

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🪶To end this off, and yet again, I am truly thankful for your time and energy and attention on my humble messages, you probably got a lot on your tab already but I really appreciate every moment of it. Hope my long ass message doesn't pressure you🥲 cya✌️

Hello mikeylo!! Thanks for the asks!! Will probably be a bit long, so I'll put a divider here :) (Listen to Pat Pat by Eunha :)))) )

I think it really comes down to my lack of planning. For smuts at least, I think of scenarios first instead of relationships, so I end up worrying about if the characters are interesting enough or if the entire story is focused too much on the sex. There was actually an ask that caps had where they started out with interesting pieces of dialogue first and built the story off of that, which I wanna try in the future as it looks very interesting and makes for better character development and interactions (evident in all of caps' works tbh). A little bit of a spoiler but one of the things I'm working on has a throuple in it and I could easily write a bunch of hot n trashy threesome sex, but I thought it would be better if I explored how each person interacts with each other outside of sex and potential issues that could arise from feelings like jealousy or favoritism.

2. EXACTLY, Eunha has always been the epitome of cute and sexy imo. Even though Gfriend mainly did "cute" concepts, there were still a lot of times where Eunha was just naturally sexy. I'll leave a couple pics here to prove it :)

omg I remember going absolutely feral when she first did the bloom performance. And all of Eunha's Mago outfits are so GOOD gah damn.

3. I'm glad you enjoyed it :) I'm still looking for a perfect story to write about Eunha, anything less than perfection is a disservice to my girl. I remember reading those NSFW tag games when I was just a reader and it's a bit unfortunate I was too late to do them myself, they seem like fun to write. Anywho, here's another little blurb;

After a night full of drinking and partying, you're at the part you hate the most - waking up with a hangover. You stumble into your living room wearing nothing but your boxers and see your roommate, Eunha, sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal in her lap. At this point, Eunha is used to you walking around in your boxers; what she's not used to, however, is your massive morning wood bulging through the fabric. Seeing you in your pitiful state, she decides to lend you a hand - more accurately, a mouth - and pulls your waistband down, taking as much of your cock into her mouth as she can. The sensation of her lips sucking your length is enough to make you forget about the pain in your head, and before you know it, you're shooting your cum down her throat. As you catch your breath, you can't help but think how lucky you are to have such a helpful roommate.

4. Omg I love her laugh so much, she's so cute I can't :,) There may or may not have been a time where I listened to her "I Love You 3000" cover on loop... Anyways, I cannot wait to write more cute shit for UD, thanks for the inspo, it helps a lot :))

[lurlur]

I've been getting into hockey for the last, like, 16 months. I'm running a little bit of a fever. I'm British so the concept of mascots is a little bit weird to me. Let's do this.

In order of the current whole league standings, as of January 25th 2023:

Rating the NHL mascots

Part 1

Completely arbitrarily! My system makes no sense!

Boston Bruins

Blades the Bruin

Bruin means bear, so this makes sense as a choice. I guess I get what they were going for with the name but it just kinda makes it sound like a low level gangster. Feels like they couldn't decide whether to make a teddy bear or a scary bear and just got an unsettling middle ground. The eyes are very dead.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetic: 4/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 3/10

Overall, 4/10. Not awful, but not great.

Honourable mention for methbear from the winter classic this year. That was a design team that knew how to make choices.

Carolina Hurricanes

Stormy

Stormy is, apparently, a pig. If there's some obvious North Carolina/pig connection, I'm not aware of it. Stormy feels very low effort. The design is weak and lacking in character. It doesn't even look like a good fur suit, tbh. Very big eyes so we're definitely not trying to be intimidating here. Stormy must not be one of those 30-50 feral hogs you used to hear so much about.

Vibes: 5/10

Aesthetic: 2/10

Horror: 0/10

Fuckability: 1/10

Overall, 2/10. Horrible but not for interesting reasons.

New Jersey Devils

NJ Devil

Why does it have abdominal muscles? Clearly, this one is a slut, which I approve of. The name is super uninspired and the design is pretty obvious, but I still find myself on the way to liking it. It's got character and it's not trying to be too human. I know it's not what the New Jersey devil is actually supposed to be, but it looks a horrible kind of fun. What that tongue do?

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetic: 5/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 7/10

Overall, 6/10. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either and that's something.

Toronto Maple Leafs

Carlton the Bear

Carlton is named after the street where the old Leafs arena was. And he's an adorable polar bear. Look at him. He's like the coca cola polar bear without the mischief. That's a face you can trust. Looks like he gives great hugs. I would like to find out.

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetic: 9/10

Horror: 0/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7/10, but the lack of horror is a feature and not a bug. So really he's 9/10.

Dallas Stars

Victor E. Green

There's so much to hate here. The name is a bad pun on the Stars "victory green" colours. The character is supposed to be an alien but the design is so lazy. They could have gone in so many directions with this one and instead they just did this. Why even have a mascot if you're going to put this little effort in? No expression. No character. Just green.

Vibes: 2/10

Aesthetic: 2/10

Horror: 1/10

Fuckability: 1/10

Overall, 1.5/10. Very bad showing.

Winnipeg Jets

Mick E. Moose

Someone's trying to get suuuueeedddd! Nah, it's been over a decade and the mouse doesn't appear to have come knocking so I guess the jorts are getting away with it. Mick, here, looks quite the formidable fellow. I like his flying cap and absolutely unhinged expression. I truly believe that he could find me in my dreams and make me regret decisions I haven't even made yet. There's something wrong with him and it looks interesting.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetic: 8/10

Horror: 7/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7.5/10. Very respectable. I will see you in my nightmares, Mr Moose.

Tampa Bay Lightning

ThunderBug

ThunderBug is a lightning bug. Sensible choice for the Lightning. I've seen him on broadcasts a few times but never been able to ascertain if his butt glows. I think it should and anyone who disagrees is wrong. The first time I saw him, he had a big fake beard and I was not a fan of that look at all. Unadorned, I think he's a decent mix of cute and goofy. He's definitely got some character and energy to him.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetic: 7/10

Horror: 1/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 5/10. Again, lack of horror is not really a negative. This is a pretty good boy.

Vegas Golden Knights

Chance the Gila Monster

Look at this boy. This is what perfection looks like. I think he should be President of the whole world. I would marry him tomorrow. Look at those kind eyes and sweet smile. He could fit my whole head in his mouth and I would thank him. He's literally never done anything wrong in his whole life. You can't see it in this photo, but he even has a very cute tail. Best boy. The only horror would be at the thought that he might not love me.

Vibes: 100/10

Aesthetic: 100/10

Horror: 0/10

Fuckability: 10/10

Overall, perfection. The platonic ideal of mascots.

LA Kings

Bailey

This is Bailey. Bailey is a lion. This is, apparently, a pretty new look for Bailey. He used to look a lot meaner but he underwent cosmetic surgery and now looks like this. I wish that wasn't the story that the Kings used to relaunch a mascot with a difficult history... But here we are. I'm just judging mascots. Bailey looks weird for a lion, too dark, too smiley, not enough teeth. I feel like there's a spark missing here. Something that would bring life and character to Bailey. He's just a bit generic and underwhelming.

Vibes: 5/10

Aesthetic: 4/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 3/10

Overall, 3.5/10. Could have and should have done better.

Seattle Kraken

Buoy the Troll

New for this season, Buoy the Troll has a lot of attention to detail that I really like. He's got stuff in his hair and ears that tell of a nautical background. I'm pretty sure he fucked a kraken. I feel like "troll" is a cop out in the same way that "alien" is, but Buoy makes it work better. My main gripe with Buoy is that I can't make myself say the name out loud. It's not said the way that I pronounce the word. That bothers me more than it should.

Vibes: 8/10

Aesthetic: 8/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 2/10

Overall, 5/10. Largely because fuckability goes way down if I can't say your name.

New York Rangers

None

Perfect. No notes. Keep doing what you're doing, sweeties. This is the best way to have a mascot: not at all.

Vibes: immaculate

Aesthetic: unparalleled

Horror: unknowable

Fuckability: Schrödinger's fuckability

Overall, no one else is doing it like the Rangers. And they should. (not you, Vegas. Obviously)

Full disclosure, I fell asleep at this point. So now I have to use the standings as of Thursday 26/01. Deal with it.

Edmonton Oilers

Hunter the Lynx

I hate it. I'm saving you from the image, but please know that this lynx also has sculpted abdominals. Again with the bad fur suit vibes, the face is the stuff of nightmares, I'm deeply upset by the jowls. Should the NHL start hiring furries to design their mascots? MAYBE!

Vibes: 2/10 Aesthetic: 1/10 Horror: 8/10 Fuckability: 1/10 Overall, 3/10. Horrible. Soulless. Bad in a bad way, not even a fun way.

Pittsburgh Penguins

Iceburgh

Mixed feelings here, gotta be honest. Love the name and, obviously, it had to be a penguin. He looks pretty fun. But the beak and eyes are giving me "lifeless glove puppet" energy. He could be more penguiny and less flat. Curse the performer's need to see and breathe, eh?

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 5/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 2/10

Overall, 4/10 because he loses out on both horror and fuckability by looking too socklike. Sorry, Iceburgh.

Washington Capitals

Slapshot

Slapshot is a really big seagull eagle. He looks pretty fierce, which is not an expression I'm used to seeing on bald eagles. Beautiful plumage. I like him. Good vibes, I think. No word on whether he also has abs to flash at us, but I'm choosing to believe that he doesn't. It's better this way. I wouldn't trust him not to steal my chips though.

Vibes: 8/10

Aesthetic: 8/10

Horror: 4/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7/10. Really decent showing for this birb.

Colorado Avalanche

Bernie the St. Bernard

That's a good boy right there. Look at his little barrel! The face is missing something that I can't quite put my finger on, but I do like the lolling tongue and droopy jowls. Maybe what's missing is copious amounts of drool? Just something to make it look a bit more alive and engaged? I know it's possible, I've seen it on other mascots!

Vibes: 9/10

Aesthetics: 7/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 3/10

Overall, 5/10. He's a good dog, Brant.

Calgary Flames

Harvey the Hound

What the fuck is this? Why does it have a metre long tongue? (Not gonna lie, that's points in favour for fuckability) You know those vintage photos of kids meeting the easter bunny only it looks like everyone involved was in hell? That's what I'm getting from this. Dead face. Cheap fur suit. He does know how to accessorise though, check that hat/collar/belt combo.

Vibes: 2/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 5/10

Overall, 4/10. What that tongue do?

Part 2 is here!