#i'm genuinely sorry if this sounds like i'm annoyed anon because i'm not

[navree]

I think if they are going to make an Aegon a full on rapist they should do the Brothel Queen(s) so that the Black's image can suffer a similar blow because let's be real, people are already justifying B&C so there's no way they are going to be viewed as bad people. I feel sorry for Alicent obviously because I love her a lot and honestly I will cry if the BQ end up happening because she really can't catch a break (and I would also feel terrible about Helaena because she did nothing wrong, but it just makes no sense for her to be made to suffer it too).

But who am I going to lie to, they'll probably manage it terribly like they've done Alicent's rapes to date and they'll still find a way to make Alicent love Rhaenyra which makes no fucking sense

I think I've been open about my not wanting the Brothel Queens to happen, and honestly that's not going to change. It's a personal thing mostly, I genuinely don't care if it's a good narrative choice or if it would balance out bad portrayals and offer a more grey view of Team Black; any positives I might potentially feel about it are going to be washed away a million times over by how sick the whole thing makes me. I have no, none, zip, zilch, zero interest in watching scenes of two women imprisoned into literally sex slavery and forcibly raped for days on end in any situation, especially when those women are a) characters I like who're already going to be going through some heavy traumas and b) are 1) a woman who was a victim of marital rape since age sixteen and 2) a woman who's had a full psychological breakdown and is completely incapable of taking care of herself in any way let alone performing in a sexual situation. This could be the most well crafted storytelling with the most profound message and the utmost narrative consequences and I won't care, I do not want to see it and I will never want to see it and I get bile in my mouth even thinking of the fact that Mushroom even thought about making it up (which I'm gonna be honest, I'm firmly in the camp that he 100% did) because he found it hot.

And honestly, I don't think it'd be good storytelling, I think it would be really cheap. This show's parent series was notorious for using rape and sexual violence for titillation and shock value, something that HOTD has really shied away from (there's one on screen rape to the best of my recollection, Alicent's, and I actually didn't mind how they handled that in the show, starting it with the shot of Alicent's ruined fingers on the bed as she starts doing her nervous picking and then makes herself stop was incredibly haunting, it's the fandom's reaction to that scene that's insufferable), and going back to it is just gonna feel lazy and unoriginal to me, and more like the writers going "look how awful this is! aren't we so edgy and groundbreaking! aren't you shocked!" over and over. It'd just feel lazy to me.

The thing is, Team Black fans are going to justify anything their faves do, and that would likely include the Brothel Queens storyline, likely under the guise of Alicent deserving it or it being a just punishment for calling Rhaenyra's kids bastards. And listen, no shade, Aemond's gonna be committing war crimes right and left in the Riverlands and I'll be there in my full "you're doing amazing sweetie dot jpeg" era, I get it. But anyone who isn't a full stan, any casual watchers or anyone who's on the fence or just watching the show for the Hell of it, even them Burlington Bar folks, they're going to see the Blood and Cheese scene (provided it stays book loyal in its entirety and doesn't cut away from anything, which I'm hopeful for) for the horror that it is, and for the stain on Team Black that it is. We don't need gratuitous and graphic sexual violence to hammer the point home, especially when Rhaenyra's rule over King's Landing is already filled with a bunch of butchery that made the people turn on her and her family, and even more especially when we know what'll happen to Helaena eventually.

Listen, at the end of the day, you can give me any excuse in the world, that it'll make people realize Team Black are not morally superior, it'll make Team Green more sympathetic, it'll be good drama, it'll be a good storyline, it'll be a compelling narrative, it'll be profound, God himself could descend from the Heavens and tell me that he's ordained that if we get a Brothel Queens scene the entire viewing public will become fanatical Greens supporters, and it will not ever change the fact that I do not want this storyline to happen. Ever.

[delqcate]

hi angel!!! im aware of how super busy you are rn, but I can't get like frenemies scott barringer and reader out of my head, imagine it, like he's so annoyed by everything she does, she's the total opposite of him, sweet and kind, but also the sarcastic angry feminist, and he's the self-righteous football captain arsehole.

But no matter what he does, she's constantly stuck in his head, and it's kinda like the song "you look so pretty, pretty like the sun, i could watch forever while you shine on everyone" and he's so in love and a little insecure, which he covers up with this pompous arrogant fboy persona

anyways, you're writing gives me life more than anything! when i first discovered your flannel shirt fic on scott, i became obsessed and stalked your profile and obsessively read through all your fanfics, hayden characters or not, I read them all, and im head over heels in love w u :) you genuinely write the best fluff ever, like your my favourite blog for fluff, like don't get me wrong smut is cute and that, but god i would kill for some forehead kisses and hayden fluff

because i love you.

scott barringer x reader

anon you own my whole heart ilysm!!! you're soso incredibly sweet and being your favorite fluff writer??? such an incredible honor 🥹 i'm sorry it took me a while to get to writing this and i feel so bad cause i feel like i just didn't have enough inspiration for this so it's all messy but I hope it's still good. scott and shelby don't get together here but they're still good friends

summary: you and scott don't necessarily hate each other, but you can't tolerate both that much either. after a plan gone wrong, turns out there's a reason why.

warnings/cw: swearing, kissing (i don't know if that's warnings but yeah), fluff fluff fluff

word count: 1.9k

Where does Scott even begin with you? The Cliffhanger's sweetheart, the epitome of the sun in this hell hole, is his friend. Well, sort of.

Because every time he was near you, it felt like he was constantly basking in the sun, yet at the same time, he was warmed up by everything you did, from your smile to your voice. It was almost like he was constantly taunted.

He couldn't get enough of you, though. You were everything he's ever wanted—the warmth and love of another—and yet he still seems to be pushing you away.

But then that all changes when a little surprise is left on one of the class boards one morning when Scott and the other Cliffhangers are called to meet up with Peter and Sophie.

Scott walks into the classroom, wearing a sweater he just threw on due to the cold, and looks at the board in confusion. "Morp? Wh-what's a morp?" His brow was furrowed, and he frankly didn't care too much about decoding it until Auggie followed from behind him. "Oh, cool, a prom?"

Scott looks at Auggie, realizing everyone else is inside already. His eyes land on you, and he suddenly can't focus on anything but you. Everyone was taking a seat, and it took him a moment to realize you sat with him until a hand waved at his face.

"Scott, y'there?" Your voice rings out, and he looks at you, his face brooding as always. "Why? What's up?" He clears his throat and focuses his gaze on you. Despite hating you, he seems to be interested in what you have to say. Probably just sucking it up so it would be over.

You look at him, and suddenly you find yourself drawn to his eyes. Do they seem more blue than usual lately, or have they always been this way? But you don't have time to ponder about that because now it’s his turn to snap you out of your thoughts.

"Hey, are you there?" He gives you a small smirk, and you playfully roll your eyes. “Yeah, sorry,” you say, clearing your throat and resting your head on your palm. “Sophie and Peter paired us for morp planning.”

His eyes widen slightly, but he immediately covers them up with his emotionless stare again. “Why us? ," he asks, sounding annoyed. “Dunno,” you reply. “Probably ‘to build a stronger relationship between us’,” you say, playfully mocking what Peter constantly tells everyone whenever there’s a team activity.

He let out a soft scoff but couldn't help but let a smirk form on his lips. He was starting to let his guard down, something he rarely does around people; besides Shelby, she relates to him more than anyone. "Yeah, all that bullshit."

You nod and chuckle, watching as he bounces his leg, a habit you share with him. "All we have to do is plan the music, so it shouldn't be too bad. They're letting us use Peter's office and a couple more gadgets, I think." You shrug, but all you could think of was Scott.

Spending time alone with him in a room for days on end sounded both eventful and terrifying. But at least it was him instead of anyone else; at least you could get some peace and quiet for once.

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It had been days since you and Scott were assigned to make the playlist, and despite the bickering and constant grogginess you two would feel the next day, it was bearable. It caused something in Scott to brew—something he thought he could keep in, but it was just waiting to burst.

Scott dragged Shelby away to a corner in the common room—not the best place to have a private conversation, but it'll do.

"Let me guess," Shelby starts, her gaze landing on Ophelia talking to Peter and back at Scott. "You need advice to ask her out?" Scott scrunches up his face, annoyed but thinking about it. "Well, yeah," he says after a moment.

She chuckles and looks over at you again, trying to think of anything. "Morp's tomorrow, Scott. How are you sure Auggie or someone else asked her out?" Scott suddenly seemed upset at the thought, however. "You think Auggie has more of a chance than me?" His angry question was a little too loud, loud enough to catch your attention, at least.

Shelby quickly looks away and narrows her eyes at Scott, slapping his arm playfully. "Will you keep it down, you idiot?" He whines and leans against the wall, crossing his arms and staring at you from afar. "How am I ever going to ask her out? I'm just the cocky football star, a pompous asshole fuckboy. Every bad thing you could think of."

She sighs and moves closer, taking his hand and watching his expression before continuing, "Sure, you can be a complete asshole." He scoffs and looks at the floor. "Great way to start that off," he muttered. She rolls her eyes and continues with, "But all that matters is what they think of you. You wanna go all out and be stupid with your promposal? Go ahead. I'll be there every stupid step in the way."

He moves his gaze on her and mutters, "Stop calling me stupid. But, thanks."

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The plan was perfect. You and Shelby would be hanging out together, saying some good stuff about Scott, and Scott would play football with Auggie. Auggie would throw the ball at you, and he would save you. He would tie that to some smooth way to ask you out, but he would worry about that later. What was the worst that could happen?

Scott watches nervously as Shelby and you sit at the bleachers, taking a deep breath as Shelby discreetly nods and Scott starts to play. Your gaze moves to Scott, and a small smile grows on your face. Seeing Scott play football was cute to you. Despite being an ex-football captain, he still never lost his love for the sport, and you admire him for that.

Shelby notices your stare and chuckles, looking at Scott and back at you. "You eyeing Scott?" Your cheeks heat up and your eyes land on her, shaking your head as your face gets all flushed up. "No- well yeah, but not in that way! He's my friend; I just want to watch him."

Your gaze moves back to the two boys playing, and you swear you saw Scott wink at you, but maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you; he probably got something in his eye.

But you didn't even have time to think because the football started flying towards you, and Scott's amazing plan came crashing down as soon as the ball hit him right in the face.

"Scott!" You yell out and rush down to him with Shelby. He lets out a loud groan and covers his face. He's never felt so much pain and embarrassment before. "Auggie, fuck!" He groans out. "I didn't mean to, I- I'm sorry!" Auggie frowns and looks at the two, watching as you take Scott into your arms and prop your leg up for him to rest on.

"Shit- Scott, move your hand." You frown and try to move his hand, watching as a crowd of people form, someone rushing to grab Peter. Scott whines and shakes his head, saying something about how it really hurt, but it's muffled from his hands.

"C'mon, please? I swear the pain will be gone soon; I need to see how bad it is." You were trying to stay calm for the both of you, and after a moment, he moves his hands away to reveal a bleeding nose and some tears.

You wince and help him stand up. With the help of Shelby and Auggie, you guys safely bring him to the girls rooms and onto your bed, hurrying off to the bathroom while the two find something that could help Scott besides a wet rag.

You return to him on the bed and move his hand away. A small hiss escapes you, and you start to clean him up. The silence was killing you after a while, so you mumbled out, "That was stupid, y'know?"

He looks at you with an annoyed expression and scoffs, trying not to move too much as you clean his nose and check if it is broken. "Well, I'm sorry for saving your life," he says sarcastically, clearly upset that you didn't appreciate him saving you. Maybe his plan was just stupid.

"I mean, I appreciate it, but look at you now." You frown and place the rag on your side table, grabbing some tissues to clean the spot better. "Why'd you do it? Ruin your oh-so-perfect face for me?" He smirks and looks at you. "You like my face, huh?" You roll your eyes, and he lets out a small laugh as you punch his arm.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it." He lets his laughter die down and listens to the two of you breathing. It calmed him down to hear your breath, especially because he definitely needed to calm down. He took a deep breath and calmly let out, "Because I love you."

You stop your arm and move your gaze from his nose to his gaze, which was locked onto yours. You couldn't tell if it was because he was frozen in embarrassment or because he wanted to show you he really meant it; either way, it left you shocked.

How does he like you? He's made it very clear that he has some hatred towards you , so it didn't make sense. "But the way you act around me—" he quickly interrupted you. "It's because I'm insecure." He sighs and looks down at his hands, feeling the embarrassment creep up on him.

"You're just so- so gorgeous. You make everyone smile and laugh; it's like the goddamn sun. You shine so bright, and I can't help but feel this jealousy towards you because everyone gets to experience all of that." Although he didn't outright say it, it was clear to you that he was jealous, and it was incredibly adorable.

You let out a soft laugh, and at first he thought you were laughing at him, but a small smile formed on his lips when he realized you were laughing with him. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I feel like I shine brighter when I'm with you. You make me sparkle, I guess."

He chuckles and moves a little closer, sensing the change in tension, and he was sure you did too because you moved closer. "Sparkle, huh? What are you, a vampire?" He smirks and wraps his arm around you, making you roll your eyes and cup his cheek. "Just shut up and kiss me."

"Yes, ma'am." He smirks wider and kisses you gently, immediately crash-landing into heaven as soon as he feels your lips. They were soft and felt heavenly, just like he imagined. The kiss grew deeper but didn't last too long as someone threw a box of bandages at them.

Scott pulls away in annoyance but quickly gets flustered as soon as he sees Shelby and Auggie; he completely forgets they were coming back. "Congratulations, lovebirds!" Shelby smirks and moves her gaze between Scott and you. "But do us all a favor and get a room, will you?"

You let out a small chuckle and quickly helped Scott clean up, hearing the pair's footsteps as they headed outside. Despite both of you being complete opposites, Something told you it would all work out in the long run.

taglist: none!

[erinawritesheadcanons2]

How would starscream,knockout, and sounwave dealing with a yandere female decepticon follow them around and stalking them

~☠ Starscream, Knockout, and Soundwave with a Yandere S/O Who Likes To Stalking and Following Them Around ☠~

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A/N: Hello there Anon! Thank you for the request, gosh. This one is quite difficult but I will try my best to write it down please don't be a Yandere in a real life because it's very harmful to your S/O, friends, family, or your partner. Also, I want to make this post gender friendly to every gender people out there so I hope you do not mind if I don't write just female S/O.

Warning: Yandere Tendencies, profanities and violence.

Gender: Neutral

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Starscream - Decepticon

I'm very sorry to sound a bit Ironic but Starscream find it a little bit creepy that you are following him around and looking up his biography despite he does stalk Autobots when he got kicked out by Megatron.

He does find it hot if you had to kill someone to protect him or when you are getting jealous. Especially if you get all Yandere on Airachnid because he despise that spider girl a lot.

Sometimes would ask you to stop being creepy like "Ughhh, could you just stop following me around or stalking me? I'm busy," while working on his data.

Starscreams does know that you are willing to do anything so he would use your killing service so if someone are on your way. He would sweetly say "My dear (Y/N). Would you be kind enough to kill someone for me?" with a golden plate smile.

Starscream also adores that you would be willing enough to be sweet and caring to him. He would also use that side of you if he's injured as he told you who hurt him.

As you kill those who hurt him. He would just gonna watch you from far with a smirk on his face as if he just watch an action or thriller movie.

He does get annoyed that you had just stand there shyly instead of trying to talk to him. He does genuinely wants to talk with you so you don't need to follow him around because he's genuinely an EXTROVERT.

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Behind the automatic door, a certain bots with (Paint job Colour/Skin Colour) standing there and watching her/his/their crush. (Y/N) pulse quickens with every glance she/he/they steal, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. And you can't help but imagine what it would be like to step out from your hiding spot and finally engage in a conversation with Starscream.

The decepticon indeed hear the sound of small clicks that (Y/N) made but not stepping inside of the hallway. The poor bot just standing there behind the door, staring at him from far away instead of trying to talk to him. Even he realizes that (Y/N) would follow him secretly from far. Afterall, he's not deaf, he has a great hearings.

A flicker of impatience dancing across his features. He's well aware of (Y/N)'s presence, the way (Y/N) always seem to be around when he's nearby. While Starscream finds it intriguing that (Y/N) is interested in him, he's growing frustrated by their shyness that renders them utterly speechless in his presence. He wants to engage in a conversation, to hear their/her/his voice, to understand what's behind those bashful optics.

Starscream mutters under his breath, a mix of exasperation and determination in his tone. "If only (Y/N) could muster the courage to speak to me," he grumbles quietly to himself. He paces a few steps, optics narrowing in thought. Then, a spark of inspiration lights up his scheming mind. An almost mischievous grin tugs at the corner of his lips as he hatches a plan. Starscream's crimson gaze fixates on (Y/N)'s hiding spot behind the automatic door.

Starscream's voice takes on a dramatic tone, laden with a hint of desperation. "Oh, if only there were someone out there who had the intellect and willingness to assist me with this data. It need to be given by Lord Megatron today," he sighs. Little does he know, you had been listening all along.

With a quiet exhale, you step out from your hiding spot as you feel your body shakin. Not hearing Starscream whispers to himself 'works like a charm'. (Y/N)'s shy demeanor still evident, yet there's some determination in her/his/their voice. "I... I might be able to help you with that data," they/she/he venture, voice timid but earnest.

Starscream's optics narrow, studying them for a moment before a smug smile tugs at his lips. It seems his subtle ploy has worked, coaxing (Y/N) out of hiding. Starscream's commanding presence asserts itself as he raises a hand, gesturing for (Y/N) to come closer. His optics lock onto theirs, a mix of authority and curiosity in his gaze. "Come here, my dear. Would you be willing to lend your expertise and take the reins on this data?"

(Y/N) was a little bit hesitant but nod in response to his question. "Yes, Starscream, I can certainly give it a try," you agreed. You can't help but feel a secret thrill at the endearment he uses, the word "dear" echoing in your mind, even if it was just a casual part of his speech.

A subtle smirk curls at the corner of Starscream's lips as he observes Y/N's response. While his outer demeanor remains composed, inwardly he's pleased to see them stepping up to the task. While he appreciates Y/N's assistance, a darker thought forms within him. He ponders whether they might be willing to go even further to ensure his success by killing Airachnid.

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Knockout - Decepticon

Another Ironic character who is low-key scared of Yandere S/O which is Knokout but also low-key finds it hot that you are willing to kill anyone who tries to steal him away from you.

He is also kind of scared that if you are willing to hurt him just because he made you upset so he would try to give you many energon cubes to calm you down if he ever made you upset with his words.

Just like a star scream. He does use your killing service if someone or the Autobot made him upset by scratching his paint job. Or those insecticons scratch his paint job.

He does like it when you are being attentive and sweet around him because he knows that you are willing to help him fix his paint job or help him around with his labs.

Unlike Starscream, he does not mind when you are being shy around him but he just that you just don't hide and follow him even though he's aware you are there. he prefers if you are there and watch him instead of hiding because he does feel it's a bit creepy.

Just like Starscream, he wishes that at least instead of hiding and following you anywhere. You had the guts to talk to him but he won't force you like Starscream does so he would wait for you.

Sometimes would tease you when he is aware that you are following as he pretends that he doesn't notice you "Why, my dear. Why does it feel like the temperature of the room getting hotter? Is there someone in here~" as he knows you are there.

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Knockout usually a pristine finish had been his pride and joy, a reflection of his meticulous self-care. But today after what happened to him when there were the Autobots. There were many Scratches on his paint job. His vents puff with annoyance as he was sitting in his clinical room and buffing his paint job. "Those damn Autobots, they are ruining my perfect paint job."

"Primus-darned scraplets, can't trust anyone around here," he grumbles, his voice dripping with exasperation. His vents hiss angrily. He could still remember when he saw his reflection in the train's mirror. Scratches were everywhere as he screams in misery. Realizing he looks horrible.

What Knockout did not realize that someone has been listening to him ranting about the Autobots had ruined his looks. Hidden behind the automatic door, (Y/N) listens with a mixture of surprise and amusement as Knockout's colourful curses fill the air. You can't help but stifle a small chuckle at his reaction.

(Y/N) curiosity piqued, she/he/they peer through a small gap, watching as Knockout meticulously buffs his paint job. "Perhaps it's time I have a proper conversation with Arcee and Bumblebee," (Y/N) muses quietly to themselves. They take a step back, leaving their hiding spot behind the automatic door and considering how to approach the situation.

As (Y/N) strutted along the hallway and travelled into the main hall of the Nemesis. (Y/N) cross the threshold, feeling the familiar sensation of being pulled through space and time. The world shifts around them, and suddenly, they find themselves standing in the vast expanse of the Nevada desert. The sun casts a warm golden glow over the arid landscape.

(Y/N) seamlessly shifts into their alternate form, a sleek and powerful Jet. Her/his/their mechanical whirring and shifting of parts blend harmoniously as they complete their transformation. The wind rushes past them as they soar over dunes and navigate rocky outcrops, their sensors scanning for any signs of the Autobots, especially Bumblebee or Arcee.

(Y/N) internal systems emit a soft beeping sound. Their onboard GPS system flashes to two familiar signals, projecting a holographic interface in front of her/him/them. A bright red dot blinks on the display, indicating the location of Arcee and Bumblebee. The signal is strong and clear, guiding them towards their destination.

(Y/N) accelerates even further, the engines humming with a loud roar as you have gotten faster than before. The red dot on the display draws closer with each passing moment, fueling their anticipation to finally meet those two Autobots that made Knockout whine for the whole day after his mission.

Arcee's sleek motorcycle form and Bumblebee's compact car form come into view. With a rush of emotions, (Y/N) readies themselves/herself/himself for the moment by shifting their/her/his jet form into your real form. Seeing you, Arcee and BUmblebee were quite surprised as they immediately transform to face you. "Good job you two, for causing Knockout to whine the whole day. And here's the prize for you~" (Y/N) chirps as their/her/his servo shifted into her gun.

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Soundwave - Decepticon

Unlike Starscream and Knockout. He is not as manipulative and toxic as them when he uses their Yandere S/O. He does not like using other bots service and he is independent.

He doesn't really find it creepy either when he found out that you follow him secretly. After all, he could see everything through the security camera of the Nemesis.

Soundwave do find it a bit confusing when he found out about it. He did not say it out loud or show it through his visor. But he could sense that you are there and staring at him while he is working.

Don't touch him though because if you catch the scene of him versus Airachnid. We know he always has his guards one hundred per cent up

He does find it cute each time he goes into his berth room. He found an energon cube that you brought for him as if you remind him to rest and eat well.

Also finds it cute that you are shy around him although he does not admit it since we know he cannot talk and has a visor on his face. Although it is going to be awkward if you try to talk to him because we know he does not speak and only speaks using voice recording.

Unlike Starscream and Knockout again. If you try to kill anyone except Autobot. He would stop you and reprimand you with the voice recording as he held you with his tendrils

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In the dimly lit nemesis main hallway of the ship, the soft glow of holographic displays illuminates his form. His tall and stoic frame engrossed in his work. His mechanical digits dance deftly over the keypad, producing a rhythmic symphony of clicks and soft hums as he types down lines of code and inputs data with precision.

The monitors display intricate diagrams, encrypted transmissions, and complex algorithms. Soundwave-hidden optics underneath his visor remains focused on the screen, his expressions hidden behind his emotionless visage. The complex symphony of keystrokes under Soundwave's adept fingers is in service of a directive issued by none other than Lord Megatron himself.

The data itself was about the whereabouts of Energon on the earth and picking on the signals through the screen. Not wanting to anger the lord of the Decepticon, he had to be focused on every signal and careful with picking them or Megatron is going to be really angry. At least, among Decepticons that he is the only one who is capable of everything.

In the shadows, (Y/N) remains concealed in the darkness through her/his/their hiding spot. A pang of sympathy and concern tugs at your core. The relentless rhythm of his work is evident, and it's clear that he has been engrossed in his duties for an extended period without any break.

As the silence lingers, (Y/N)'s thoughts turn to whether there might be a way to help Soundwave to ease his burden. (Y/N)'s mind begins to formulate a plan. They realize that even the most dedicated Decepticon needs moments of rest. You decided by showing him support in a small but meaningful way.

The (Paint job colour) Decepticons slip away from the hall of the Nemesis ship. Strutting along the hallway and going down with the lift, going down into the energon storage room where there are millions of them. It cannot be wrong if you just take one of them, no one is going to notice, right? Taking one of them in your room, you began to leave the storage room and came back to the second floor of the Nemesis ship.

(Y/N) slips away and makes their way to his quarters. The cube in their servo, they enter the room with a quiet reverence, not wanting to disturb the vehicons or anyone. (Y/N) also did not want to alarm Soundwave either. Placing the Energon cube on a nearby surface, (Y/N) leaves it as a silent reminder, an unspoken encouragement for Soundwave to take a moment and replenish his energy.

‿︵‿︵＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／︵‿︵‿Timeskip

Despite standing tall and his chest still puffs up while coming back to his berthroom. His frame exudes a quiet weariness, a testament to the hours he has spent immersed in his duties. The dim lighting casts elongated shadows as Soundwave rises from his workstation, coming back to his room after a long time of working to fix some errors in the computer room.

The door opens and closes with a faint hiss, shutting Soundwave away from the outside world once he enters his room. He turns his head slightly. A momentary pause occurs as he spots something out of place, an energon cube resting on the table nearby. The sight tugs at a corner of his processor, a subtle shift in his usually impassive expression.

Soundwave's sensors analyze the cube for a fraction of a second, his optic lingering on it before he moves to retrieve it. He doesn't show any overt signs of emotion, yet his internal circuits hum with a sense of gratitude. His fingers wrap around the cube, his servos almost reverent as he lifts it. With precision, Soundwave uncaps the cube and takes a sip, the Energon replenishing his systems.

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[sylenth-l]

hello! hunter age anon back once moe with another question!!! (sorry ig yhis gets annoying!!!)

i want to ask about Cayde's dynamic with andal!!! like, how to portray their relationship and maybe cayde's general psyche when it comes to people and forming bonds.

Not at all, I love getting questions about my guys!! (I'm just bad at answering them aksdjhflks OTL)

It's… complicated, I'm never sure how to describe characters' relationships with words. I know it sounds incredibly cheesy, but to me Andal and Cayde are two halves of a whole, one feels incomplete without the other. Even if we're talking about them being just friends, they're the type who always show up everywhere together and if for some reason they aren't, they'll be texting each other non-stop still. "We're two halves of a whole idiot" - that's literally them.

You could say that they knew and understood each other perfectly, but I feel like while it's true in general everyday scenarios, on a grander scale Andal always had an upper hand in that. He knew Cayde like the back of his hand, he trusted him and believed in him far more than Cayde ever thought of himself. Cayde however wasn't exactly that sharp when it came to serious things about which Andal avoided speaking head-on - like, Cayde couldn't understand why Andal takes his Vanguard duty so seriously. It was only after he spent years as the Hunter Vanguard himself that he started to get what Andal must've felt. I don't think it's Cayde's fault or something though - Andal most likely barely ever talked about that, and he himself didn't exactly need people talking about their feelings to understand them.

I think it's safe to say, judging by how everyone speak of him and the leadership positions he seemingly effortlessly always ended up in, that Andal just gets people, he understands them extremely well and can find a common language with just about anyone. He was the one who made "significant progress in faction accords". What kind of person you must be to make faction leaders come to an agreement, at that time especially??? Convincing, sharp and charming sounds like an understatement alksdhfkjaks

So, I think it was that quality that helped Andal almost immediately see right through all of Cayde's clowney facades. And his own kindness and honesty pretty much left Cayde totally disarmed. Andal got to know him - the real him - and loved him, thought of him as his best friend. And made damn sure Cayde was aware of that as well. That's actually so, so incredibly important - because with the way Cayde is, he constantly thinks that deep down people surrounding him either dislike him or are disappointed in him. No matter how much time they spend together, it's not something he himself will just get one day because "well it's OBVIOUS" or something. His relationship with Ikora and Zavala are probably the most striking example of that. Ikora says he was one of her closest friends - Cayde says he's not sure if Ikora even likes him. The City is flooded with Cabal, lightless Guardians scattered all over the system, humanity is in shambles - and Cayde is genuinely surprised Zavala is looking for him and needs him. He leaves messages for both of them in case they kill him, making it sound like he wouldn't be surprised at all if they did. That… really shows the abysmal gap of misunderstanding between them, to put it lightly.

But Andal! Cayde never once doubted Andal and Andal's feelings for him. The good old days he speaks so fondly of is the time when he ran around the Solar system with Andal and their pack. Even if he sometimes laments that Andal is too serious and bad with jokes, that seriousness and honesty is actually just another proof that if Andal says so, then he really does like him and is impressed by whatever Cayde wanted to impress him with this time. 

I think it's probably one of, if not the most important part of what made Andal so incredibly special to Cayde - that freedom of being able to be equally honest with him, be real. Goofing off because he simply wants to goof off - not because he prefers to give people lower standards so that they won't be disappointed in him when he fails. Sharing his muddy concerns and fears that he barely even can put into words, knowing it won't be laughed at or brushed off as unimportant. Absolutely everything got better instantly if they were in it together. The mere presence of one of them in close proximity immediately cheered the other up.

I don't know, I can talk about them for hours and still not say what I wanted to say. I always miss the most important stuff somehow, no matter how many words I pour in. Honestly, I think that to better understand what was happening between them, all you have to do is to (re)read "The Man They Call Cayde" - literally half of it is basically Cayde's love letter to Andal.

[ryuichirou]

More Tweels/Idia hcs!

Anonymous asked:

I don't know if you'll ever see this but: I LITERALLY LOVE YOUR ART!! The whole reason I got a tumblr account was literally to be kept updated on your posts. your Jade x Idia posts keep me alive genuinely. So of course I'm here to ask for your fav headcanons on Jade x Idia or the Octotrio x Idia in general (bottom idia for the win)

Anonymous asked:

feed us more bottom idia hc's 😃... and possibly jadidi 🤔

Anonymous asked:

AHHHHH I just stumbled upon your tumblr a few days ago and I love your Jade/Floyd x Idia hc's!! MORE please

Anons!! Thank you so much for sending so much love our way, it means so much I can never stress it enough. I am very happy that you like our stuff, both headcanons and drawings <3 whether you’re new here or have been with us for a while, we appreciate you a lot.

Sorry for the late reply! Here are some more Jade/Idia and Floyd/Idia hcs; some neutral ones, some spicy ones, some a bit fucked up ones. I won’t be writing anything about Azul this time because posted a new bunch of Azul/Idia hcs not so long ago, but he is mentioned a couple of times!

Jade makes snacks for Idia sometimes (sometimes sour, sometimes sweet, sometimes salty) and asks Azul to bring them to him whenever he goes to a board game club meeting, which always makes Azul super annoyed because he isn’t Jade’s errand boy + Idia doesn’t want to eat anything anyway. But even though Idia always says that eating stuff that Jade has made sounds like a dangerous game, he got used to munching on whatever Azul brings him. Making sure that Idia-san always remembers him + inconveniencing Azul at the same time? Sounds perfect to Jade <3

If Idia visits the Lounge (which doesn’t happen very often, it’s a pretty rare occasion, to be honest), he always tries to find the tiniest, least noticeable place to sit, but he always gets all the attention, because Floyd sees him, drops whatever he’s been doing and jumps on Idia’s couch to lean on him, chat with him, tease him and even squeeze him a little bit, not caring at all that Azul will absolutely yell at him for that. And even though it’s always a super stressful thing to Idia and he would prefer Floyd not to jump him like that, whenever he visits, his heart starts pounding very loudly, because his body is aware that Floyd will notice him and react very soon. It’s 50% him being scared and 50% of weird anticipation that makes him feel a bit ticklish down there.

Despite the fact that it’s easier to catch Floyd in his eel form, the first twin that Idia saw in his eel form was actually Jade. It was his first time seeing a merman in general, and since it was a dark pool and Idia didn’t realise what he was looking at at first, he got kind of freaked out. But also mesmerised at the same time. Idia ran away the moment Jade noticed him and look at him with his scary glowing yellow eye + avoided him after that point, but he still couldn’t escape the visual of Jade’s huge slippery heavy-looking tail that was constantly on his mind.

But the first Leech to actually touch Idia in his eel form was Floyd. That wasn’t a planned encounter either; Idia pretty much just fell into the pool in the most ecchi anime convenient way possible. But Floyd caught him, grabbed him with his huge hands, left a couple of scratches with his fins and claws, and slid Idia’s entire body on his own tail. Idia ended up not only wet, but covered in the eel slime, cold and weirdly aroused. He just got rid of weird eel-related dreams that Jade caused..!

Compared to Floyd, who touches, kisses and bites in a very overwhelming manner, Jade gives Idia some moments to “breathe” during sex, but this only makes things worse somehow. Because Idia’s brain just shuts off completely when he is with Floyd, but Jade makes sure that Idia is constantly aware of how exactly he is getting fucked, what sounds he makes, how his body reacts and how Jade’s dick creates a bulge inside his stomach. Jade always stops just in time for Idia to catch himself yelping pathetically and twitching, moments away from orgasm. And Jade always smiles like a criminal that is about to betray and shoot him when it happens…

Jade’s and Floyd’s dicks are pretty much the same size-wise, but the way they operate them is different; after having sex with Floyd Idia feels completely ruined. Not in a horrible way, but even if it’s been days, his insides remember how it felt when Floyd was shoving that thing deep inside his body. So it’s not unusual for Idia to spend a couple of days in bed after having sex with Floyd, especially considering the fact that if he moves his legs in the wrong way, he’ll probably trigger a spasm that’ll send a shockwave of pain and pleasure through his whole body.

Idia still isn’t sure why this whole thing keeps happening and why the tweels keep chasing him to have sex with him; he kind of was sure that they would lose all interest in him after a week or two. But even though he acts annoyed and even freaked out by them, somewhere deep inside it feels weirdly good to know that these two think about him so much that they just can’t get enough of him. This is such a cringy thought for Idia… but suddenly realising that Jade or Floyd could fit his entire dick inside his butt without any problem is more cringe; is it really this loose now??

Jade and Floyd are fascinated with the way Idia’s hair colour changes when he is embarrassed and aroused, and they know that it also changes in other situations, so now they have a quest to collect the entire rainbow of Idia’s hair. The winner gets to have fun with Idia while the other watches. Idia loses either way because the idea of being fucked by one of the tweels while the other one is pissed, horned up and cockblocked sounds like a nightmare lol Idia isn’t aware of this little challenge/game of theirs, which is for the best.

Floyd approaches the challenge by making Idia experience different physical sensations. He also loves to freak Idia out, he feels like if he does it enough, he could get a cool new colour. He just couldn’t scare him enough yet… maybe if he combines it with them having sex… Or makes Idia believe that he is about to drown him and keep his head under the water for like a minute until he either cums or passes out…

Jade’s approach is to play mental games with Idia + use potions, mushrooms and other stuff that he could feed him or inject into him. He got pretty interesting results, especially when poor Idia got super delirious and confused as Jade was having sex with him after pretty much frying his brains with the newest mushroom-based potion… but Floyd said that it doesn’t really count because it’s cheating.

[iid-smile]

#07 ୨ৎ ⸝⸝ 🦢 anon ⋆

you might just be cute... no, you are cute 🫶 i got so excited when i saw an emoji anon for the first time omg!!! took me a decade to find the swan for some reason. anyways everything is as you asked 😌 1 and 10 drabbles and 11 is headcanons!!

#1 🍰 | first kiss

dazai's been watching you the entire day. he was there when you woke up, he was there when you were doing your daily routine, brushing your teeth and the works, but even when you run errands? that's rare.

"i want to kiss you." he whispers, and he knows that you won't hear him, the smirk on his face only growing. you were much too focused, mind shifting from one thing to the next, and you failed to notice dazai creeping closer and closer to you. you failed to realise that the hands coming to your hips behind you were up to something, and you never figured out what.

in that tiny interval of time, in that short, brief moment of weakness as you turned your head away, he turned it right back, fingers holding your chin still as his lips lay upon yours. your eyes widen, staring at his closed ones as you try to process whatever the hell was going on. you weren't even quick enough to kiss back, pulling away and looking down at you from behind.

didnhe expect you to be happy? maybe not. was it worth that adorable pout on your face? absolutely. "why? did you have what the kiss would be like planned in your head?"

you nod.

"was this not it?"

you nod again.

"sorry, rue..." he fakes a frown, his eyebrows furrowing in a way that was nearly believable, but you read him too well.

"you're not sorry at all." you may be annoyed, but your love for him overpowers it, wrapping your pinky around his.

"i'm not."

#10 🍓 | cuddling in the morning

you've been tired all week, working tirelessly while listening to others rant to you. it's want your used to, it's what you always do and you love to help those you love feel better, but when was the last time you've had a vent of your own?

a squeeze on your shoulder rouses you from your sleep, and your eyes start to open, only being able to see the blankets you've buried into since last night. "osamu, you're holding me too tight..." your voice comes out raspy and low, but you're too fatigued to care.

"i know..." dazai squeezes again, his fingers running down to your elbow. "but you're so stiff even though you're in bed. i thought you were having a bad dream." you can tell he's being serious, and he sounds like he's been awake for a good while.

"stress? i don't know." you shuffle a bit, the mattress dipping along with your limbs. "haven't got enough rest lately."

judging by how quiet he grew, he was definitely thinking over the conversation. "you were tossing and turning all night."

"you felt that?"

"heard it too. it kept me awake."

"oh..." a frown appears for a moment on your face, a pang of guilt surrounding your mind.

"it's okay, really." with no struggle, he locates your hand and holds it tight, while moving close enough so that he could spoon you. "now i know that you need someone like your dear beloved here to talk you through it, hm?"

#11 🍓| long distance relationship

most people think dazai wouldn't be loyal, but when it comes to genuine love and interest, he very much is

very frequently writes letters. he's got nice handwriting and we all know it, but he purposely makes some sentences hard to read because he does get a little embarrassed with how truthful he can get

he loves it when you rant to him about anything, because he knows you don't have many people to do that with. always has the best and perfect advice for you too. he's serious about your feelings and thoughts and even encourages you to spill out what you're hiding from him

sometimes leaves work for weeks at a time, only to return and said he's "visited the depths of his heart and found his true love once again"... whatever that means

has the most dramatic hug when he first sees you too. it's tight, you're off your feet, and he's spinning you around (he makes sure to be careful)

would he leave his job to be closer to you? it depends. if you get sick or just ask him to, he will. in his case, it would be him getting injured to the point where he can't manoeuvre well enough to continue

as long as you two are happy with this arrangement you already have going, he doesn't mind waiting until he's past his prime, detective wise

event masterlist

[hongcherry]

hi there bambi!! i just read "your light || jjk" and was wondering if u could maybe do a part 2 pls, if u dont mind? i liked it a lot and i would really like to see how they would end up together/the confession etc,,, i'm craving for some angsty to fluff fic, but it can be anything you want to write ofc ~~ no pressure pls ^_^ take care!

Your Light pt. 2 || jjk

💡 Pairing: roommate!Jungkook x roommate!Reader (f)

💡 Rating/Genres/AUs: PG 15; Fluff, angst; Roommate au, Your Light couple

💡 Warnings: Nothing really (but plz lmk otherwise!)

💡 Word Count: 1.9k

💡 Author’s Note: Goodness, this took me a lot longer to get to D: Truthfully, I've just been having a hard time writing, but I felt so bad when I realized how long this has been sitting in my ask box. I hope you all enjoy 😥💙 Also, I'm glad you liked the first part, anon ^-^

Part 1

bts masterlist | main masterlist

“Put your fingers here,” Jungkook instructs, positioning one of his friend’s hands on the keyboard in a specific way. “Your other hand goes on the mouse.”

“Okay, now what?” his friend questions as they glance back and forth at their hands.

“Join a game.”

Their eyes roam the screen.

“Where’s that button?”

Jungkook chuckles before he nudges their hand off of the mouse and does it himself. The screen changes, and they wait as they are sorted into teams.

You watch the interaction from Jungkook’s doorway.

There’s an odd twist in your chest seeing Jungkook so close to them.

His hand rests on the back of the chair his friend is in, and the other rests on top of his gaming desk. He’s never offered to teach you how to play one of his silly games. Though, you guess that’s because you’re normally scolding him for playing, not asking to play with him.

Jungkook must sense your presence because he suddenly turns his head.

“Yn?” he questions, confused.

“Oh! Uh,” you stutter. You completely forgot what you were going to ask him.

“Did you need something?” he prompts when you don’t say anything else.

“Yes, but I for—”

“Jungkook, I’m about to die!” his friend interrupts. “What should I do?!”

Jungkook’s attention redirects to the monitor. He points to somewhere on the screen.

“Go here, and use that to heal yourself.”

You stand idly as you continue to watch, waiting to see if he’ll turn to you again, but it’s obvious he’s too occupied. Plus, you still can’t remember what you were going to ask so there’s no point in waiting.

You silently move away from his door and go back to your room.

You’re not sure why you’re feeling… whatever you’re feeling right now. It’s not happiness or sadness. It’s not anger or annoyance. It feels almost numbing. Like there’s so much going on in your head, but nothing at the same time that it cancels each other out. It’s unexplainable.

Needing something to occupy yourself with, you decide to reorganize your sock drawer. It doesn’t require color-sorting, but you can’t think of anything else. The act, albeit giving your hands something to do, doesn’t distract your mind enough.

You can hear Jungkook and his friend laughing next door. It’s the only noise you can focus on as you accidentally put a pair of black socks with your purple ones.

Their laughter sounds so happy. You wonder if you ever made Jungkook laugh like that. Has he ever been that happy with you? Probably not considering you were always nagging him about his late-night gaming.

Truthfully, it hasn’t been too bad since the power outage. There are a few nights where you genuinely are annoyed, but overall, it hasn’t been bothersome. Perhaps you just need an excuse to talk to him.

Three sudden raps on your open door have you jumping.

Jungkook stands with his hands in his pockets. He greets you with a small smile that you reciprocate involuntarily.

“Sorry about earlier. What did you need?” he asks.

“I don’t remember,” you reply.

Jungkook chuckles and glances down at what you’re doing. He leans down and plucks out the pair of black socks from the purples.

You mumble a “thanks” when he tosses it in the black pile.

“Alright,” he says while standing up fully. “We’re going to go grab a quick bite to eat. You wanna come?”

The emptiness in your stomach tells you that you should say yes; however, you don’t want to feel like a third wheel, so you shake your head.

Jungkook lingers in your doorway, seemingly debating on if he should ask if you’re sure, but he ends up nodding instead.

“If you say so,” he answers. “I’ll be back in a bit then.”

“Okay,” you answer and turn back to your task at hand. You haven’t made much progress, but you don’t want to have a stare-off with him.

You don’t hear him move at first. As you’re about to turn around, his friend’s voice cuts through the silence.

“I’m ready,” they say.

“Let’s go,” Jungkook replies before there are two sets of footsteps growing faint as they move away.

Once the sound of the front door closes, your shoulders sag.

It’s been nearly two months since that night the power went off.

Two months since Jungkook found out about your fear of the dark. Two months of Jungkook being less annoying. Two months of this odd feeling growing inside your chest.

You’ve noticed small habits of his that you’ve never caught onto before. It’s not that you’re seeing him differently, but you’re seeing him more. You’re discovering more layers to Jungkook, and these aforementioned layers haven’t been bad. In fact, it makes you feel closer to him.

Though not only are you uncovering more about Jungkook, you’re forming feelings you’ve never had before. For one, you get a sour taste in your mouth seeing him be too friendly with others, which was not something you felt two months before.

Once you finally finish reorganizing your socks, you shuffle to the living room and lay a blanket over your lap. Hopefully, a movie will capture your focus more than your socks.

Hours pass as you cuddle a pillow on the couch, mindlessly watching the first movie your hand had touched. It was a simple way to pass the time as it was too early to sleep, but you didn’t know what else to do.

Jungkook’s been out longer than you anticipated.

Not that you cared.

You told yourself you’d just feel more comfortable knowing he was home before you went to bed. Nothing like waking up to the sound of the door opening and not knowing if it was a robber or your roommate.

With a heavy sigh, you begin to stand to retrieve a glass of water. You’re four steps away from the couch when the lights flicker.

Once.

Twice.

Then you’re submerged in complete darkness.

Your chest tightens, and your breathing halts abruptly. Several seconds pass while you stand still. Soon, your mind begins to conjure images of supernatural creatures emerging from the darkness.

You hastily, and clumsily, make your way to your bedroom. You locate the chipmunk nightlight quickly and flip the ON switch with shaky hands.

The small room lights up, changing colors smoothly. You focus on each color as you steady your crazy heartbeat.

You don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve been sitting in the dark. It feels like hours, but it could’ve just been twenty minutes.

The sound of the door opening jolts you from your trance.

“Yn?!” Jungkook calls out, worried.

Your body instantly relaxes at his voice.

“I-in here,” you reply.

There’s hurried shuffling and a few curses accompanied by a few thuds before you see his silhouette at your door.

“How long have the lights been out? Are you okay?” he questions and walks to your bed. He sits down near you, placing a hand on your back and rubbing soothingly.

“I’m not sure,” you sigh.

“You should have called me,” he says.

At that, you realize you left your phone in the living room. Then you remember how he’s been gone for hours. Something in you turns bitter, and the power outage doesn’t feel like the main problem anymore.

“Shouldn’t you be with your friend?” you huff.

Jungkook stares at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. His movements on your back pause.

“Even scared, you always have to sass me, huh?”

“I’m not sassing, I’m just saying,” you argue.

“Just saying,” he repeats slowly.

Suddenly, his hand is on your waist and pulling you closer. Your eyes widen, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away.

“I wanted you to come with us, you know,” he says.

“Where?” you reply, mind fuzzy with how close he is.

Jungkook chuckles. “To get food.”

“Oh,” you mumble. “I wasn’t hungry.”

“Hm. Well, I brought some home in case you got hungry. You hungry now?”

You debate on answering truthfully, but it seems your hesitation gives away your answer.

Jungkook pulls away from you and stands up. You inch closer automatically.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t plan to leave you,” Jungkook reassures as he offers a hand. You take it quickly, letting him pull you off the mattress.

You grab the night light and clutch it in one of your arms.

Jungkook gently grabs your other arm, fingers trailing down until they fit in your gasp. He guides you to the kitchen and retrieves the food.

You eat in silence, eyes dancing from Jungkook—who’s watching you—and to the food in front of you.

The silence is unsettling.

Usually, you could eat like this with Jungkook, but now the quietness forces you to hear your racing heart.

“Will you let me take you out to dinner one day?” Jungkook asks suddenly, causing you to choke on your food ungracefully.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” he says quickly and rounds the table to pat your back.

You shoo him away, grabbing your drink and taking a long sip.

Once you’re composed, you turn to him. “What did you say?”

You’re sure he knows you heard him, but you’re so stunned that you need to hear it again.

He smiles sheepishly. “Dinner? You and me.”

“L-like a d-date?” you stutter.

He nods, “Maybe…this Friday?”

Today was Wednesday. You barely had time to prepare—mentally and physically.

At seeing your shocked expression, he says, “Okay, maybe not this Friday. How about Saturday?”

“That’s not much better!” you whine. “Why the rush?!”

Jungkook laughs and glances down for a moment.

“Because I’ve liked you for a while. I’m tired of waiting,” he shrugs as if he’s not nervous, but even in the barely lit room, you can see he is.

Jungkook? Nervous?

“This isn’t a prank or something, right?” you ask. You recall his annoying gaming buddies from before and wonder if they’re behind this.

He frowns, shaking his head. “Of course not.”

Jungkook grabs your hands and lowers himself so you can see him better.

“I like you… You and your grandma ways,” he smiles teasingly.

“Shut up, Jeon,” you huff.

When you try to retract your hands, he simply holds on tighter.

“So,” he begins, “Saturday?”

“What if I don’t like you like that?”

Jungkook tries to hide his smirk. “Oh? So, you acting all jealous and clingy has nothing to do with you liking me?”

“I am not clingy!” you scoff.

“But you are jealous.”

“Shut up,” you whine again.

“I know the perfect way you can shut me up,” he hums and leans closer.

“Yeah, right,” you argue.

Jungkook doesn’t reply. He simply leans in more until his lips are on yours. There’s an oddly comforting tightening in your chest the moment his mouth touches yours.

And as if his kiss was the answer to all your problems, the lights begin to flicker on.

Jungkook pulls away slowly and glances around the apartment.

“See? True love’s kiss fixes everything,” he grins.

You ignore the pounding of your heart at the idea of Jungkook loving you.

“It’s just a coincidence.”

“That’s not a very romantic outlook,” Jungkook huffs.

“I didn’t know you were the romantic type,” you confess softly.

Jungkook smiles and tilts his head. “You’ll find out.”

“On Saturday?” you lightly tease.

His smile widens, and he pecks your lips.

“At seven,” he adds.

“At seven,” you echo with a smile of your own, excited for this weekend.

A/N: To those who were awaiting this, thank you so much for your patience!!!!! 💜

For my “shy/silent” readers, I’ve created a feedback form where you can share your thoughts on my fics in a more anonymous and private way. ^-^

©️hongcherry // DO NOT REPOST OR MODIFY Please consider reblogging if you liked this work to show your support. Feedback/commentary is always welcomed.

[shivstar]

It's the anon who talked about the Map and Peter XD First of all, sorry for going anon, I'm just shy and a bit socially anxious and I never talked on this site.

Thank you so much for your reply and your post about Peter! Let me say, I totally agree with you about who's the more talented and intelligent among the marauders, and in general I love your blog so much!

As for Peter, I don't know, it's a lot of things. Sorry, I tried to keep it brief, but I end up rambling a lot.

I totally agree that the McGonagall saying Peter was always trailing after Sirius makes it sound like a fanboy behavior. She also says he hero-worships them, and ok. Totally understandable. But she's also a professor. She might not know everything.

And we know James and Sirius weren't always good to Peter. (though... could the fact that James got annoyed at Peter mean that Peter knew better and James knew that Peter knew better... maybe? Not sure about that, actually XD)

But that's the problem with James and Sirius, they are the best and they know it. They have each other, James is the only one who can keep up with Sirius and vice versa.

They befriend two other boys: Remus and Peter, and I think James and Sirius care about them equally. But it's JamesandSirius, inseparable, quite the double act, and then there's everyone else. Which is why I actually think Remus and Peter were very close to each other - they had to be, to balance the duo that was JamesandSirius, otherwise the Marauders wouldn't have lasted. Take just three people, and anyone would end up third-wheeling PadfootandProngs :)

When I read the book, I got the impression that Peter was actually well integrated because: the order of the names in the Map, the whole secret keeper thing, Srius saying he would die for Peter (like he would for any of them - and I choose to believe Sirius meant that. And yet Sirius thought Remus was the traitor.).

I actually care more about Sirius and James and would happily ignore Remus and Peter if possible, though I wouldn't mind it if fics portrayed the Marauders as equals, because at least on paper they were supposed to be. But fanon Remus had to go and ruin everything. So I decided Peter deserved to be promoted a little bit XD

Weirdly enough, it was the fics portraying Peter in a negative light that convinced me. The more I read those fics, the less likely it would be for him to be the secret keeper, which he was. So how was it possible?

(I read a fic where little Harry didn't like Peter. It made it impossible for me to believe it when they followed canon and Peter was the secret keeper.)

James and Sirius are so brilliant, there's no way, no way, they would befriend someone they found genuinely annoying or weak or pathetic or stupid or unreliable or coward etc.

And given their personalities, I don't think it's because the four of them were the only boys in their year, so James and Sirius felt obligated to include Remus and Peter out of pity. Or maybe, yes to a friendship when they were at school, but they wouldn't have stayed in touch after Hogwarts.

Peter did prove to be smarter than them when he betrayed them (as you said, it wouldn't be accurate to portray him as dumb), but I also think it proved how well he knew them, given how well he orchestrated the whole thing, and how well he could predict Sirius' reaction. 

Sirius wouldn't have entrusted the lives of the persons he loved the most, the life of James, to someone he wasn't 10000% sure of.

Same with James. It was not about himself. It was about his family, his wife, his child.

And then there's Lily. She too agreed to this plan. 

Three persons all loved and trusted Peter enough.

Cue the angst! I mean, how much worse would the betrayal be if Peter was truly part of the group? The tragedy, the devastation. It all works so much better in my head!

Peter was a trusted, beloved friend and he threw it away. Maybe at some point he got insecure, just as Remus had his own insecurities - I have all these parallels in my head about how both Remus and Peter actually didn't trust the Marauders enough (as in didn't trust themselves to be part of it). They both wanted so desperately to belong that they didn't realise they already were part of something great and beautiful, and they ended up losing it. While James and Sirius got too comfortable, too arrogant. They took their four-way friendship for granted because to them, it was. For James and Sirius, anything less than perfect devotion among friends would be unthinkable. They didn't think they had to show it, while Peter and Remus, not being as intense as J and S, and being normal persons, needed proof, needed concrete things that made them believe that the friendship was still the same even after Hogwarts, even with a war going on, even with James marrying and only including Sirius (best man, godfather).

Whatever friendship they had had, at that point, I think Remus and Peter doubted it.

Maybe James and Sirius weren't able to convey their love for Peter in a way that made sense to him, but the love was there, I'm sure. It's the only thing that makes sense to me.

In the end, Peter didn't trust them to die for him, and he chose not to die for them. The tragedy is so deliciously excruciating to me. But it only works if Peter was a true Marauder.

I'll always have love for pre-betrayal Peter.

It is completely alright Anon. I mean tumblr gave this option for a reason right. You are not alone in being shy and anxious about putting your thoughts out.

Thank you for your kind words Anon!!!!!

Also my view on Peter and Marauders in general are almost similar to what you mentioned.

Beginning from how McGonagall didn't have much clue as to what what kept happening with harry and friends so why would she know any better about the marauders dynamic.

Or the theory that post school, in a no war au, they will surely drift apart. Peter and Remus. They are the two people whose personal growth is overshadowed by the other two. Not in an evil way. But because of j and s being overprotective of these two. Or because they are always in the like light.

Remus and Peter, in a world with no war have to do a long soul searching. Finding out themselves. They didn't get to do that in war.

It's like when some parents push a kid to a certain career. They are so busy and single-minded in their teen and early adulthood that they keep on going. Only for find out later that the career they are in doesn't suit them well.

War was not for Peter. I will give his sorting the benifit of doubt that he was brave. But bravery doesn't excludes stupidity. To have it doesn't mean you can't be self preserving too.

Peter got lost in all this whirlwind is my theory.

War makes you unrecognizable to yourself. Let alone for people who don't even know their own purpose. So it is easy to use them and throw them away.

Peter is just that.

Also I will like to appreciate you mentioning secret keeper thing involved three people. Mostly people say Sirius was responsible for the Halloween because he suggested it. But it is wrong way of framing it.

Like taking away the agency of 2 adult people. Sirius proposed, they agreed. Then execution of plan. It stopped being his idea and became their collective plan. All three of them.

Sirius feeling guilty is understandable because he is alive and jily are gone. But for readers to interpret it as ,beside Peter, Sirius being solely responsible for their death is plain stupid.

I love a good rant. So don't worry. I am like you too in the sense that fanon Remus made me averse to Remus Lupin in general. And now I would rather seek Peter if I am reading something about James or Sirius.

Also yes. Most fics are like James and Sirius didn't respect Peter. Or Sirius hated his guts. These people are living under the rock it seems.

Thr things that Sirius himself says to Peter in the shack is after peter's betrayal. Peter hurt Sirius the most. Because James and lily atleast got an easy death. But Sirius had to live in hell because of Peter's mechanisations.

But this is a very hurt Sirius wanting Peter to hurt too. That is in no way an evidence to young Sirius Black's view on Peter.

Lily specifically mentions about Peter to Sirius in her letter. If it was such a common understanding that Sirius just tolerates Peter than why would she bother to tell him about how worried she is about Peter???

His ways may be a bit condescending. But what do you expect from him? He is Black. That comes out in small ways.

I truly believe that Sirius did cared for and loved Peter in his own ways. A whole lot more than he did Remus.. For Sirius Black is a dog. And dogs are about loyalty and trust. Sirius giving you his trust is as good as him declaring he loves you.

My HC. For a pre Halloween Sirius- Peter > Remus.

Thanks for the ask and sharing your views.

[altocat]

That hating anon is pulling strings because it’s all they can do to feel like they can get to you since they’re too scared to show their real face. Anons like this are the same. There are no more than them. It’s just one person being seriously petty and resentful. They want to make it sound like there are tons of haters but nope. Never the case. They maybe got mad at you being loud about Genesis and they moved on to attacking you personally along the way.

Key advice: Ignore them viciously. Don’t publish or reference their asks. Forget they exist. Delete every single hate message you get. That’s how you silence anon hate. They will try for a long time, but scared crybabies like that only get traction from you publishing their voice. They would piss the bed if exposed off anon. They’re like an annoying bug for you to squash. Erase their voice and win this battle like you deserve. You’re a wonderful person. Unfortunately, good people like you are envied by miserable people like anon.

Thanks, anon. I'm so sorry you guys have to deal with this. Honestly unless they actually take me up on my offer to talk in private, I'm probably going to just go back to ignoring them. I don't think they're being genuine and most of this is probably just trolling mind games on their end.

[misc-obeyme]

I absolutely sit on my hair all the time 😭 sometimes I'll lean forward to grab something and then get yanked back by my own hair

Tying it back just keeps it from falling into my eyes and obstructing my vision, but the rest of the ponytail will totally fall over my shoulder and smack me in the face. Braiding it helps keep it more uhh, contained? It tangles less that way, because man it's WILD. I miss my friend/coworker at my old location because she used to untangle it for me at the top since I couldn't always tell

I also have a bad habit of running my fingers through it when I'm nervous. Like when I'm with a big group of people I'm not close to, I'll pull it over my shoulder and just start rapidly doing that 💀 Or place my hands behind me back and mess with the ends. It's only frantic when I'm nervous, otherwise I'm chilling trying to genuinely detangle it bc it's kinda soothing, even if it's tedious

That'd be nice if the characters picked up on that. Like a random demon approaches me and at first they wanna be like "she can handle herself, maybe i shouldn't intervene - oh shit she's doing the hair thing, MY TIME TO SHINE".

But I'd also totally do that if Lucifer was scolding me or grilling me for info 😭 IT'S SUCH AN OBVIOUS TELL NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT NOO I'M DOOMED

okay but one funny thing, I've accidentally smacked my brothers in the face when redoing my ponytail. I don't mean to either but it's hilarious. Rip to whoever is near me when that happens

As long as Solomon doesn't change my hair length permanently, we're golden. Glitter hair sounds sick, as long as it doesn't transfer

ALSO MATCHING HAIR WITH 13 AAA I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, THAT'S SO CUTE 😭 FUCK IMAGINE TRADING SCRUNCHIES WITH HER, I DON'T WEAR THEM, BUT FOR HER I WOULD

I don't think I'll ever go back to short hair. Sometimes i get that intrusive thought about chopping it all off, but I like it too much now. Honestly, the silly reason I keep it so long is because it gives princess vibes/makes me feel like one. That's it, LOL.

I feel like Lucifer might chastise me after seeing everything I go through with it and then I meekly admit my reasoning to him and he just sighs. And then immediately sits me down to do my hair.

OKAY I NEED TO STOP RAMBLING AKWKFJ, I GOT A NEW BOOK TODAY, I'M RANK 120 AT THE TIME OF TYPING THIS, I'VE KEPT MY DRAWING STREAK, AND MY STORE OPENS FRIDAY SO PRAYING IT GOES WELL

- ✨ anon

If I may say so, I don't think your reason for keeping it long is silly at all! The only reason I've ever grown my hair out was for the way it made me feel pretty (minus the pandemic situation obvs lol). If keeping it long makes you feel like a princess, that's an excellent reason and you need nothing else. I think that's kinda the whole point of having your hair how you like it!

My reason for having short hair currently is definitely more related to my gender expression... i could get into it, but that's more info than is needed lol! But in the end, it still comes down to, I have it this way because I like the way it feels!

Anyway, I'm so sorry but your description of sitting on it made me laugh. And so did the part about accidentally smacking your brothers in the face with it.

I'm just imagining you doing the same to the brothers - some of them would be annoyed, but I think some of them would secretly like it. *cough* Mammon *cough* Like they'd say hey MC watch where you're flingin your hair! But in their mind their like yes please whack me with it again... sldfksdfjf I just find that so cute lol.

And OKAY I love the nervous tell though! I definitely think all the characters would pick up on it eventually, some faster than others perhaps. Like if Lucifer was scolding you and you started doing it, I think it'd make him feel bad. Like actually seeing you do that would make him realize he was stressing you out and he would probably just hug you instead. Lucifer is a big softie under all that strictness so I think that's how he would react.

I'm definitely imagining most of the brothers being like, oh the hair thing, time to step in! They would do that for sure!

I don't think any of Solomon's hair magic would be permanent lol and if you were like, do whatever you want but don't mess with the length, I think he'd do just as you asked~

Rank 120?? Like in the event??? I was like in the 250 range for a little bit until I got everything I wanted and stopped grinding as hard. I think I ended up like 2,000 something lol.

And yay drawing! I hope it's going well for you still!

[waterparksdrama]

ok track by track review of Intellectual Property. GO!

as you wish anon. be warned this is literally like one of maybe 4 times i've listened to this album in full again

st*rfucker - a bit too saccharine on first listen but it has better replay value as time goes on. the beginning of the shoehorned jesus lyrics and the continuation of limo imagery to represent fame which is actually fitting admittedly bc just like a limo that is supposed to represent glamour and celebrity living, they are just as widespread and accessible as him and aren't really that glamorous at all. also this is me saying again wow he complains a lot about fame for someone who isn't really that famous. i still hate the cutoff at the end bc. cmon man. 7/10

real super dark - ok i did like the gilbert gottfried inspired melody i think that's fun actually. the song lyrics? uhhhhhh. just more complaining. if you have listened to any of the albums since fandom you are not missing much there other than the otto serial killer jokes he has inserted here? which is a choice i guess. instrumental is great tho. i feel incredibly stupid listening to a lot of the other parts of the song tho. 7/10

funeral grey - god i can't bear listening to this one on my own i'm sorry. live it's fine, but the studio recording i would rather kill myself than listen to again. IT'S SO ANNOYING. the terrible overenunciated vocals. awsten's attempt at humor by writing these wattpad fic lyrics that make me cringe to my core because i know there's a part of him being genuine. the one direction ripoff hook because he managed to get one of 1d's actual songwriters to help write the track. the only saving grace is the ending but at that point it's too late for any redemption. 2/10

brainwashed - ironically this was written with the 1d guy again and. i'm actually fine with this one LOL. it's simple and lowkey so it's considerably less annoying than funeral grey. considering awsten said the lyrics on this album were hypersexual, but it's 2023 so this is fairly tame, it just makes me wonder how much he has repressed in his psyche. 6/10

2 best friends - ok now we're back to simple annoying. if you tune out the lyrics enough, it sounds like disney channel filler music. but it's actually about ~~sExxxx~~ hahahahaha everything about this album so far is like reading fanfics clearly written by middle schoolers. awsten's sad about his situationship so he goes out with his 2 best friends to forget but it doesn't work :( but he could just fuck his friends bc it wouldn't hurt to try at this point. hey what if this was what the song was actually about that because in travis' insane songfic he made jawn and awsten hook up during this chapter #neverforget #riptravisficeventhoughmebitchingontumblrmadehimkillit 4/10

end of the water (feel) - hearing awsten try to hit those high notes reminded me of people saying brendon straining on his high notes on the last panic tour was like hearing a dog that needed to be shot out back for its own good. this is very obviously a charlie puth ripoff to the t because not only does he hit high notes that no man should ever reach, but i'm pretty sure the verse instrumentals rip off "light switch" by charlie. anyways more of "ughhhhh i'm not getting a text backkkkkk" that makes me want to throw awsten's phone into the pacific. i still don't know why kurtis conner is here and how this is supposed to relate to any of this at all. also actually now that i'm crossing checking the genius pages for these, the descriptions for these songs make them sound much better than they actually are lol. 3/10

self-sabotage - this one is mid on it's own but funny because i remember the amount of twitter discourse this song has spawned. "awsten's being toxic and misogynistic" did we not listen to some of the songs off fandom "awsten has bpd" what if he just sucks sometimes. the memories of this are more memorable than the song itself. 5/10

ritual - remember when i found out the soundbyte at the beginning was from an aids psa. good times. fine song other than the shoehorned soundbyte. the entire song is just a repetition of the verses and chorus like a ~~ritual~~ spooky! i like the flair vincente void adds with his screams i feel like this feature makes more sense because it's a song about protecting yourself from the doctrines of religion that harmed you when you were growing up and apparently vincente has known awsten since he was 13???? only thing i hate is the corpse ripoff ending so much so that i have a personal version where i edited that out. 8/10

fuck about it - BORINGGGGGG OH MY GODD. if you've heard one blackbear feature, congrats you've heard them all because they all sound the same and blackbear adds no energy whatsoever. he made a bayside instrumental sound boring you really can't underestimate him. anyways back to the song itself; the situationship has dissolved into pure sex and disinterest and annoyance outside of that and with the way awsten sounds like he plans having hate sex, i don't think he's ever had hate sex before. there's the ending synth i think is fun and that's the only reason this gets a point at all. 1/10

closer - it's a sweet song but um. haven't we heard this in a way before? *cough cough 21 questions* i think this is the closest (lol) parx comes to at a return to pre-fandom form, but when i listen to the chords too much i'm just like "did he lowkey rip off that one smashing pumpkins song". anyways it's just about needing to be closer to someone or ending the relationship completely. simple but effective but not nearly as effective as 21 questions for me sorry. 7/10

a night out on earth - ok i had physical tickets to the last tour bc i won them on idobi so i was like "THIS SONG BETTER BE AT LEAST DECENT BC I STILL HANG UP THE TICKET WITH THIS NAME" and it was at the least. it's like. a good waterparks song, but i feel like i've heard it already? my mind goes back to see you in the future but for these i can't tell who's ripping off who more lol. yeah i feel like other than some interesting production here and there it's a rehash of shit we already heard before. shoehorned religious lyric. fake ass band guys. "i turn my agony into songs and people only like when i'm hurt". "i've been dead since 2016" (part two). "i'm evil now. idgaf. wat ever."

and then i think the part that makes me go awwww but also confuses me is the im a natural blue radio interview snippet? like why does this all tie in together now. geoff's not even here bro how is this the only release where otto's the only one namedropped when awsten hasn't even named dropped him until last album. 80% the album is about some random relationship how is this supposed to tie into all of these.

idk i feel like i've just had this on my mind when when of my mutuals made their own analysis on awsten's mindsets towards life and said how he uses fear as motivation but his perfectionism keeps him from using failure as an editor and how this song was the peak example of this; the rehash of the same ideas over and over because despite his stubbornness, despite "ultimately -not- giving in to the perception that you’re worth ‘Demonizing'", he never confronts the problem for real, just compartmentalizes the problem away and doesn't truly overcome the root of his problems. that's what i feel like manifests in this album for me to be put off by it at its core. nothing ever changes, he just finds a new situation to complain at. maybe that's also why his fans never change even as new ones come though. maybe that's why we also stay stagnant in this with him.

again i get it, he's a public figure; if he did dive too deep into this and didn't choose to generalize the lyrics for his own sake, he would probably end up incriminating himself way too much and have a hard time performing some of these songs. but i can't help but wonder. if he's truly getting over a mental obstacle like that, or keeps himself so set on the future that he ignores the problems he never solved. like he always does. like he always seems to be doomed to. anyways, 7/10 song.

all in all, it's an album that tries to reach a concept of coming to terms with your sexuality and religious trauma all entwined in fame but in reality it's mostly just about a sucky situationship and awsten complaining again while putting in random religious references sometimes and the beginning and ending are about fame. my hot takes are: tennis imagery = gay sex, there's not enough of a distinction between "soulsucker" and awsten to make "album lore" when the overarching concept of parx's discography is "awsten's life sucks", and darth vader is luke's father. - iz

[ahsxual]

Hi lovely! I just saw your most recent post and I recognized my TikTok username and the moment of realization that you seen my edit (that was very much inspired by your dark sins series btw) made me honestly really happy lmao because your account and a few Matthew Lillard character stories that you have out have been my life lately lmao that’s why as soon as I heard the sound on the video that I made, I seen William and Stu it was because of your story and I just wanna say I am so happy that you started writing on Tumblr lol.

Sorry if this is a bit awkward as something that I’m sending you I’ve never done a message that wasn’t anonymous (a few anonymous messages that you have gotten in the past may, or may not have been me) I hope you have a lovely ❤️

Ohhh that was you! I've seen you on my notifications a lot, so I definitely remember your account! First of all, I know I'm always saying this and it must be annoying by now, but thank you so much for your comments, they really make my day whenever I read them 🥺🥺🥰🤗

I really liked your edit on tiktok and I even left a comment, not knowing it was you in the first place haha. You're really kind and I genuinely appreciate all the things you've been sending me!! It always leaves a big smile on my face and I always tell my friends about this "sweet anon" who's always writing me nice things 🥺❤️ I also wanna thank you for "revealing" yourself, so I know who's the person whom I'm very thankful for! Also, don't worry about being awkward or wtv, bc it's NOT AT ALL, it's actually so amazing what you said to me and I'm grateful for it ���� (I hope tomorrow I can finally post my Stu Macher x reader request 🤭👀)

Anywayss, you're a real sweetheart and I hope you have a great day too 🌺 You're one of my biggest supportive followers and I can't thank you enough for that nor explain how happy it makes me feel. Sending lots of love to you, honey!! 💞💞

[seeingteacupsindragons]

hi, im the person whos sent you those rude asks trying to get a reaction, but after thinking about it, id like to apologise for my behaviour. i realise now how immature and ridiculous it was, and that i was just trying to get negative attention because i was bored and too miserable to be able to have any better form of interaction with anyone. but whatever immature reason, i know taking out my personal issues on a stranger i found mildy annoying is really bad behaviour and i shouldnt have done it. im really sorry if i caused any genuine offence when i criticised your writing of which i know nothing about, and im sorry for all those rude and immature and completely random asks i kept spamming you with just because i was bored. it wasnt personal or anything it was sort of random and i dont even know why i did it, it sounds nuts when i think about it. ill stop doing all this rubbish and leave you alone from now on, i wont even do it to anyone else. i just wanted to say that i recognise now that im in the wrong and was acting really rubbishly

Anon...

Honestly, it became apparent almost immediately that you were trying to goad me into giving you attention because you weren't getting any and you were likely jealous I have figured out how to get attention, and...honestly...

That made it easier to keep ignoring you. Because it was so incredibly apparent that what you were doing was entirely about you being upset and jealous and not having the emotional maturity to admit that or do anything productive about it. It wasn't interesting, or relevant to me.

I've never sent anonymous hate mail to anyone (or signed hate mail), but I definitely had a lot of very unstable years where I reacted very badly in social interactions and behaved honestly embarrassingly for the same reasons. You said that you find actually admitting things and liking attention is embarrassing...but I would rather be embarrassed by that than embarrassed about lying to myself.

It's social media! We all want interaction and attention!

But the thing is, making friends and getting attention is often rooted in being positive and loving and affectionate about things. I have so many followers on here because I talk about the things they love with ardent passion. I had a huge surge of followers recently for making a positivity post for original fiction writers encouraging people.

One of your first messages to me told me I don't respond to hate mail "normally" because I actually express genuine hurt when people are mean to me. But that is a normal human reaction. And you know that. I have always been a very open, genuine, and earnest person, so I cannot relate to wrapping yourself in hate, but I spent many years wrapped in anger and jealousy, and the thing that got me out of it was therapy.

Seriously. Therapy, and psychiatric medication. Because my personal brain chemistry means I need that.

And I encourage you to also seek out some kind of professional medical help, because you seem so genuinely miserable and directionless in your life that you need help finding a direction to pursue.

So I genuinely hope you do do that and it helps make you a happier person who hopefully doesn't go into social spaces intentionally poisoning things and making other people miserable because you are miserable. That's what you're doing right now.

But you can also choose to make social spaces more heartfelt and welcoming and warm and kind by adding that to the environment instead. It's a lot of work, sometimes, but it's worth it to me and to people in general.

And you did still hurt my feelings, even though I knew it had nothing to do with me. That's the cost of how you're behaving: you hurt people, and they don't like you very much or want to interact with you, and then you end up lonely and ignored because you're not acting like the kind of person anyone wants to pay attention to.

I'm glad my inbox will return to normal. I hope you find a great hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever.

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

[ask-serendipity-sky]

Hi, it's okay if you won't answer this but here's my two cents about Jk's "one and only singer" statement (sorry for going back to that topic).

I think it's fair to say that if Jimin is the one who said that, some people might praise him, but that's mostly just Jimin-biased and PJMs. The rest will come for his ass as always. Will call him names and crucify him.

The same goes for Jk, JJKs praise him now for his words, along with ARMYs. But that's the thing, for Armys, it's okay if JK is the one who said that but if it's Jimin, they'll hate him more. And sorry but we know JM will never say those exact same words because he's more articulate, reserved, and not so blunt (when talking). JK might be genuine but he has a history of not being the best talker.

That's the difference too, JK is being blunt and bold now, and that is what makes many confused and annoyed. Probably because some are not yet used to these changes and still see him in a specific way. Some are upset with him already and this just intensifies it, while some may be just hating on him for the sake of it.

Now regarding the statement itself. I see it both as rational and bold. It may not be too deep for some too. It's the solo era so of course Jk will want to branch out on his own. He's merely just talking about his ambitions and that's perfectly fine. He's an individual capable and has the right to dream big. He's being bold and blunt about what he wants.

On the other hand, the statement may also strike some as arrogant, odd, insensitive, and tone-deaf. Him using those words is a choice. It sounds a little tone-deaf and insensitive because he knows, and everyone knows, that the other members are also aiming to go big and do the same thing. Probably not the same literal ambitions, but on the same page. So him saying that is like shutting out everyone including the other members. I'm not saying he should always think about the other members, but it does not fit into the whole 'we are brothers, we support and want each other to succeed' narrative that has become a foundation in the fandom. Heck, even the members say it themselves. There's a disconnect. In a way his statement implies that he doesn't want anyone else, (who has the same goals) even if it's the other members, to be able to succeed and surpass him. It has to be him on top and no one else.

It may also sound arrogant because he's only been starting and it's like he's already talking big. Like he's biting off more than he can chew. But I guess he can do it now because he's achieved a lot with his debut. And that is also a big deal to some because we all know what went down with his debut and promotions. He's not already on some people's good side and him saying those things does not help his case at all (or maybe he does not care and isn't trying to please anyone anymore).

In terms of Jikook, it also makes it seem like he does not want JM to come close to his supposed level in terms of goals and success. I mean, JM is a singer too and is going on the same route of making his own name and venturing into different genres (but with lesser tools). He doesn't have to say "Jimin and me" (like whut?), but if they're a couple, it contradicts the notion that he wants Jimin to succeed in the same field. It sounds selfish and not the thing that you would expect a boyfriend to say, considering their supposed boyfriend is on the same playing field.

So, there. We may get different vibes from his words but I think it's okay because we're all coming from different places of love, dislike, and indifference. The "one and only singer" may not mean anything for some, but for others, it makes all the difference.

Hello anon,

Thank you for sharing your views and taking the time to explain why you think this way.

My posts on this were directed at pjms who were coming just to hate on Jk with no explanation other than "is this real?" "what".

I understand what you are saying, though. You view things as a whole so I see your point.

I agree that Jk does have a problem articulating his thoughts. But also, he has said that his thoughts are simple.

So when I look into what Jk is saying, I view it with my "simple lens". Jk spills through his pores, anything, he's transparent. So if he says "I want to be cool", I read "I want to be cool."

In comparison, I take someone like Namjoon, who is a complex person and has so many layers of feelings and connects so many things at once. Like what he said in his past live:

What was the reason!?!?!? He was being chill not so chill then drops this in the last 15 seconds of his live. What kind of relationships? Why did he stop looking at the camera?

So Namjoon, I view with a different lens. More emotional, melancholic, and complex.

I guess I'm unfazed about this being seen as Jk wanting to outdo the other members. He's competitive and that's the industry.

And about him making it seem like he doesn't want Jimin to succeed, that's everyone projecting. This isn't about Jimin.

Ask yourself this, if you and your partner were both in the same profession, would YOU want to be second best...for love? If you had dedicated your entire life to this profession, you would be ok with being no.2?

I wouldn't. Hell, I just told my partner 2 days ago that I would sell them for a t-rex. It doesn't mean I don't love them, but dreams are dreams. They said they wouldn't sell me 😭😭😭

But at the same time, I do see how his words could be interpreted as something bad. I guess I'm just not on that side on this issue.

But yes, we all view things differently. So we really don't know what he meant. All he said was "one and only."

Thanks for sharing.

[dazai-fan-page]

i send every ask on anon because anxiety makes me feel annoying no matter what the content of the ask is and being on anon alleviates that so no i won't be coming off anon :/ it's fine if you don't answer but i'm sorry i upset you so much, didn't mean to if it's anything. just genuinely found it funny

Tbh it wasn't what you actually said it was more that I get a lot of asks on anonymous that say "no hate" and then criticize/judge something so at this pointI read them all in the same voice.

And it always feels flat y'know? Like "no hate" but you don't want me to see who you are?? Why??

I get having anxiety though and I'm sorry for the way I phrased what I said I was just. Frustrated because a lot of my inbox is "no hate but you're wrong..." "no hate but youre too young to be saying things about depression" "no hate but i actually _____ would say ____" "no hate but you sound stupid" right now.