#i'm going to be honest the germ of this post was just me trying to make people mad by siding with incredibly annoying people

[thewardenofwinter]

Hi Morana!

How are you doing? How is the writing going, what are you up to?

Greetings Sam, thank you so much for this ask! I've been meaning to do a little update for a while and this gives me a perfect excuse lol

On life (tw for mentions of illness):

It's still very hectic at the moment which hasn't really allowed me time to pursue any creative avenues. I've been fighting off various illnesses since my younger brother started school because my immune system isn't used to all the germs he's around, including covid and strep, and on top of that there was a West Nile Virus outbreak in my state which my mom ended up catching and had to be hospitalized for a few days but she's doing a lot better now. We still have not found a place to live yet, but we managed to finagle two more months from our landlords to find a place since moving during the summer is damn near impossible when they rack up the prices and everything is being taken. There's also a lot going on in my more personal life that's left me quite stressed and lethargic. A little bright side though is that we also found two itty bitty stray kittens under a house and I had to take care of them for almost 2 weeks, but they ended up getting adopted which is great! They were both very cute gray tabbies like their mom, and they were technically my other cat Ivan's half-siblings. I've also got a queens of the stone age and hozier concert coming up soon which i am SO hyped for, my entire life has been In Times New Roman and Unreal Unearth for the past weeks.

On writing:

In the past few days, I've finally found some peace to write and draw some. I've been mainly focusing on The Resurrectioners and trying to get at least 50k words by the end of October. I've also been outlining The Stray Girls and trying to work on a cover in Photoshop (which i got recently totally legally, but i usually just use Clip Studio). I've sort of put What We Undertake on the backburner for now, it's not that i don't want to work on it or am burnt out, it's just that I'm not nearly as passionate about furthering the plot like I am with The Resurrectioners. I've sort of fallen into a hole of mythology and folktales about necromancy trying to learn more about the history behind its representation.

I've also gotten back into drawing now that I've actually had time to do so lol. Here’s some drawings I’ve gotten done recently!

(in order from left to right: Nazriya from The Resurrectioners, Circe from Give No Quarter, A quick sketch of Zekiah from The Resurrectioners, and a face study of Charlie Hunnam)

I've also put off studying Russian for a month or so and am trying to get back into my one-hour-a-day studying routine I had previously which is taking a toll on me to be honest lol. I bought the Curse of the Pharaohs DLC for AC Origins and I've also started to play Assassins Creed: Liberation for the first time and so far I'm loving both. I can't believe some people say it's the worst installment. I'm working on Aveline fanart as we speak.

But yeah! There's a little update, I'm going to be posting some of my writing soon/doing a few tag games to get back into the groove of things so watch out for those. Thanks again Sam for checking up on me and sending the ask!

[dbmars]

The Week from Absolute Hell

First and most important for this blog, I posted a new chapter of Bram Stoker's Hannibal.

I'm really glad I posted because I haven't been able to write much this week. My brain literally would not let me. All i could do in my free time was get lost in a movie or chat with the Hannibal Ais on character.ai, pretty much rp'ing as Will with various Hannibal bots and setting up random scenarios like "Will is working at a charity car wash!" just to see what happens.

I don't post online in general about my real life in the fandom space, because I almost feel like it's just a way to elicit attention and sympathy from people who don't really know me, which shouldn't be validating but... I don't know, can be? When I see others posting about their struggles with mental health and such I always try to leave a message of support or just a like or something, send a meme if asked, etc.

I have real supports in my life to draw on. Some real besties, despite my marital partner's lack of ability to support me the way I want to be supported (that's for another post but whatever). It's self indulgent, but here we are.

The week before this was spring break, and the family had a lovely little vacation. I did catch a cold on the road which doesn't surprise me; lack of sleep and gas station bathrooms, even as I tried to stay germ free. I have a 1yo so I knew if she caught something, I would, too. Luckily the symptoms held off until the day we left and I was miserable on the two day drive home but whatever, I was just in the car.

Sunday night/Monday Morning I have a very vivid dream about my grandmother dying in my arms. The next morning I get a text from my mom that she did die that night. I knew it was coming; she had stopped eating and was refusing it. She'd gotten COVID and didn't want to recover it seemed. She was 99 and living in a care facility and decided it was time. I was more worried about my mom to be honest, but I also had a lot of feelings to unpack. But there was no time to process, oh no. No time for big feelings -- I have 2 children, a house, and a full time job.

I felt really sick on Monday, and I was still compartmentalizing about Grandma. But I knew on Tuesday I had two interviews at my job. One was to keep my current position I've had for six years. The other was for another job I was interested in that paid the same amount as the current job but would be a fun change. These interviews got pushed to after spring break and I needed to get them done even though I felt like shit and I was emotionally messy.

The interviews happened Tuesday. They didn't go great but I wouldn't say that I bombed them. I definitely had some sickness related brain fog.

The next day I took a bereavement day to rest my body and help my mom with the plans and maybe give myself time to process. I had my day alone planned out, the kids at school, when I get a call from my boss that I didn't get either job. I was being demoted. I would still have a job that paid less, even after devoting myself for six years to this particular job.

The worst part is that they announced the new hires, and everyone retained their position but me. And they haven't finalized what I'll be doing next year so I can't say I've been offered something else. But EVERYONE KNOWS now that I didn't get either job I applied for. I feel like a total failure. I feel publicly shamed.

All this, and I manged to leave my wallet on the roof of my car and drive off. I was trying to get my child in her car seat and the email announcing the hires had just come out about an hour before and I wasn't thinking straight. So now I get to cancel my cards and try to get a new license etc.

I couldn't write. That's my one escape. My brain just wouldn't do it. So the fact that I managed to post this chapter at all is a testament to my tenacity and my loyal service to the Hannibal fandom and all the beautiful wonderful people that come onto Ao3 and Wattpad and Twitter to encourage me, take time to leave me notes and interact with me. I thought about just scrapping this whole project after 50 chapters, but I won't do that to them.

[free--therapy]

Thank you so much for the answers! It helps put so much into perspective 💗

Since I've been anxious these past few days, I've been thinking "why are only those intrusive thoughts getting triggered?" (as in I remember all related  intrusive thoughts mostly when I see something related to pets) or "why am I getting intrusive thoughts mostly related to that?" "what does this mean?" "because I had a concrete reason for why these thoughts triggered, does this mean it's never gonna go away?" "does this mean my case is "different" than others?"

like...is it because I've made an internal association in my mind and so i end up remembering those thoughts? even if those intrusive images themselves don't bother me, but still, why only those situations? it's like remembering a bad memory whenever you see something that was a part of a bad memory. like if something bad happened to me during the rain, i would end up remembering that incident whenever it rains.

why is the content of my intrusive thoughts always related that? even though the content of those intrusive thoughts/images and related stuff doesn't bother me but questions like "why is always only those type of thoughts?" "what does it mean?" "what if I'm actually bothered by it but don't realise?" etc. these questions really have been bothering me recently.

the friend that i mentioned above who sometimes has intrusive thoughts said she usually has them when she goes to church or when she's praying or when she gets angry at someone. so it's a specific trigger for her too but she doesn't bother why it's only at those times.

and to be honest, i never bothered why it was only watching random pet videos that triggered them because I figured I had somehow ended up making some association in my mind which made me remember those thoughts but I didn't care.

but like, why do i not have any other types of intrusive thoughts? why only those? and more specifically, does it matter? like...does it mean anything? or is it normal to have specific triggers or types of intrusive thoughts? is it okay to be only having intrusive thoughts related to one or two topics? is this how people normally have them too? like.... is this normal? is it normal to have intrusive thoughts related to only few certain topics? 

i feel like it's because back then, I was already triggered due to reading OCD articles and it just so happened that around that same time, I was feeling guilty about watching that nsfw content and worrying about it. And so maybe my mind ended up making that connection because of it.

and so whenever I see anyone with their pets or such, I'm fine and i think it's cute but then many times, I get conscious and end up remembering all the worries i have related to the topic.

you know, how it works is like...how when we grow up, certain words make us think of certain things first or maybe certain places always trigger certain memories? it's like that. even when long vacations come up, i end up thinking "oh vacations. then I need to be extra careful that I don't slip into overthinking about my worries again" it's like that.

what I mean is, i read a post on that forum where a person was only triggered by germs and unclean stuff so they worried about it and had compulsions related to it and such. so they had a specific trigger too.

so i somehow ended up thinking and getting scared that "omg I have only a specific type of thought that pops up too though it doesn't bother me. but the idea that if one day, it does bother me, would that mean I'll have OCD?" this is what is scaring me right now. but i also know my situation is completely different even if it sounds similar but I'm just so bothered by it and my mind thinks of it as "danger" so i think that's why I'm getting so triggered. i feel like I'm making random connection band trying to "fit into the symptoms I read"

what do you think about this?

and the worst part is, recently, I thought about it and remembered that I started having intrusive thoughts related to that nsfw content when I remembered that I had watched it. Back in 2021, when I first remembered that I watched that content when I was a teen, I got triggered and started thinking about "if I was interested doing all that sort of stuff, etc"

eventually, I realised I was just overthinking. But then that became the topic of my intrusive thoughts but it didn't bother me. So since then, while I did have intrusive thoughts every now and then about that topic whenever I saw someone randomly playing with their pets or anything but it never bothered me in the last one and a half year no matter how many times I had related intrusive thoughts.

But when this overthinking began a few days ago, i was reminding myself that "anyone can have these sorts of thoughts" so I was getting over it a little.

But suddenly i thought "okay maybe everyone has intrusive thoughts but they most probably don't have a trigger or specific reason why their thoughts began" however, I do have a trigger when the content of my intrusive thoughts shifted to this.

So now whenever I try to tell myself "it's okay everyone has intrusive thoughts about anything and maybe this topic too" my mind immediately goes "but they most probably haven't had a time in the past when they worried about this"

basically, i end up worrying if my problem is "different" and not something that everyone has because I had a specific reason for the thoughts to get triggered?

like for me right around the time when I was first very worried about OCD two years ago, i also started feeling guilty about random mistakes from the past. So I remembered that I had watched that weird nsfw content and started worrying why I watched it. As in if I liked that stuff, if I was interested etc. but I got over it quickly. But since that was the time I first came to know about intrusive thoughts (by reading those OCD articles) so I sort of ended up thinking what if I had intrusive thoughts related to the content i had watched. So I ended up somehow making an association of the two so I remembered those thoughts when I saw any pet content on social media.

However they didn't bother me at all and I wouldn't mind at all in the last one and a half year since I knew they didn't have any meaning. But since recently, I got worried over the what ifs related to the thoughts (like what if they never stop, etc.), when I try to rationalise and tell myself "everyone has intrusive thoughts, and maybe they have random associations that remind them of their thoughts too but they don't mind it and get over it. So I can too"

But my anxiety ends up making me feel like since my reason where it started seems worse, my thoughts won't go away as easily as for others. Or that I won't be able to ignore them easily despite knowing that I did that without any problem for the past year and a half 😭

It's definitely normal to have specific triggers, yes, and everyone's triggers are going to be unique. Usually these sorts of things have been unresolved and that's why they keep reccuring. The brain will make connections to things that are related to something that may have caused us trauma because it's a survival mechanism. The brain remembers the things that caused us pain or discomfort, including things that affect us mentally or emotionally, in order for us to avoid them in the future because of the damage they may have done. This is how trauma gets stored in the body. If these thoughts keep coming up, there's likely still a reason why and that it hasn't been addressed properly or enough in the past that it would keep coming up. Sometimes there is no reason and it's just a matter of telling your mind that you've already dealt with these instances and that it's no longer a reason for it to bother you anymore. The brain has been programmed for a while now to associate the two things together, so it's up to you to rewire the brain into remembering that it's not something that needs to pop back up again as an issue.

You will be able to handle them though, so don't get discouraged! You have the self-awareness now, which gives you a lot of power over your thoughts. You just have to make sure you're finding different perspectives as to how to approach/challenge your thoughts instead of going into the same spirals or thought patterns :)

[yourmidnightlover]

ssa hotchner: chapter 1 - the blazer

TW: harrassment, talk about a case

WC : 5,920 

series masterlist

-----------------------------------

"aaron! hey," you answered the phone after hitting enter on the final file you had to upload to the computer.

"y/n! how are you?" your brother questioned kindly.

"um, i've been better," you started, trying to figure out how to tell him the bad news.

"what happened?" aaron asked as he finished filling out the final file he had before noon. "is it about that promotion?" he rolled his eyes, recalling the events of last time you were up for a promotion.

"yea... it is," you sorrowfully revealed. "i uh... i didn't get it. again," you sighed out as you closed your laptop and put it in your bag. "can you... what are you doing for lunch?"

"well the team and i were gonna go out to a local thai place right around the corner from the bau, you could join if you'd like," he replied, wanting to be there for his sister any chance he could. "you know how much they love you."

"i just don't really think my mood is relative to that of a person who's going out with a crowd of people, y'know?" you placed the device in your bag and closed it, pulling it over your shoulder after grabbing your keys from the bag. "besides, i haven't met all of your team yet. dr. reid wasn't there the last time i saw you at my birthday because he was visiting his mother, remember?" you brought up, hoping he wouldn't feel too bad for you.

"y/n, just come to lunch with us. the last case went well, and everyone's pretty excited about that. maybe that'll help put you in a better mood?" aaron suggested as he gathered his things to go out for lunch. "and reid will actually be there this time so you'll be able to meet him," arron smiled at the thought of you meeting the young genius.

"are you sure? i really don't want to impose on your post-case celebrations, aaron," you rebutted as you walked out of the doors of the office you've been working at for nearly 8 years.

"i'm positive. everyone would love to see you again," emily walked into the office, noticing the smile he was wearing that he only has when he's talking to you.

"is that y/n?" emily questioned with a bright smile as hotch nodded. "tell her i said hi! and that i really miss her! oh wait are you talking her into coming to lunch with us?" her eyes widened at the possibility of seeing you again.

"yea, i'm trying to get her to realize that she won't be imposing on us if she comes," the dark haired man sighed.

"here, give me the phone. you know she can't resist my charm," emily teased, you laughed from hearing the remark over the phone as hotch handed it to her. "y/n hotchner. you are going to go to lunch with us whether you like it or not," emily demanded with a smirk.

"oh, yes. there's that charm i know and love, em," you giggled as you put your keys in the ignition, realization setting in that you should probably just go to lunch with them since you have no other plans and are already in your car. "fine. i'll go. should i meet you there or at the office?"

"just meet us there. we're like five minutes away and with morgan's driving it'll be cut in half," emily scolded.

"okay. i'm on my way now. should be maybe 10 minutes," you announced. "i'll see you guys there," you said before hanging up the phone and beginning to drive.

you had been working at a law firm near the bau for nearly 8 years. in fact, next week would make it officially 8 years. the office was run by a few men, under the US district attorney, who you've come to find out are misogynistic pricks who don't like putting women in positions of authority.

you got hired on about 5 months out of law school, columbia law school to be exact. you have an associates in business and a masters criminology, law, psychology. your original dream was to work at the bau with your big brother, clearly, but those dreams changed since you graduated from columbia.

you pulled into the parking lot of 'thailand eatery,' a bau team favorite, and noticed aaron's car parked in the far corner. you smiled to yourself as you found a spot beside him and got out to make your way inside.

"hi, i'm here with aaron hotchner for lunch," you sweetly announced to the hostess before she nodded.

"right this way, ma'am," you followed her to the table full of fbi agents, noticing their laughter that erupted for some unknown reason.

one seat was open next to aaron and emily. you placed your blazer on your seat and a hand on both of their shoulders to announce your arrival. they looked at you in surprise before realizing who you were, big smiles crossing their faces.

"y/n!" arron excitedly announced before standing to give you a nice bear hug. "it's so good to see you," he whispered in your ear kindly.

"i know. it's been a while since we've been able to do this," you grinned widely as you wrapped your arms around his torso.

"okay, okay..." emily interrupted. "this is sweet and all, but i haven't been able to see you since your birthday last year," she announced before you traded your brother's arms for hers.

"it's good to see you, em" you laughed as she squeezed you tightly.

"where the hell have you been! i've missed you," she pouted as you both unwrapped your arms from each other.

"y'know, working for the usual pricks i do... and that's pretty much it," you shrugged as you made your way around the table to hug penelope.

"what have they been doing to you this time, my little sugar plum?" penelope asked sweetly as you gave her another hug.

"the usual, pen. just the usual," you sighed into her ear as you began to hug derek. "but let's not get into that know, yea? i heard you guys had a successful case the other day! that's exciting!" you announced as derek wrapped his arms around you, picking you up and swinging you around a bit.

if you're honest, derek is like a second big brother to you. he was there for you when your brother got stabbed in his own home and was in a coma. he comforted you in your home when you were sobbing on the floor because it wasn't safe for you to visit your own flesh and blood.

"hell yea it was," derek smiled into your ear before placing you down and giving you a chaste peck on the cheek. "but if i need to kick some ass at that work place of yours i won't even hesitate," he whispered into your ear as he rose from your cheek.

"now, now, derek," you tapped his chest playfully. "i don't need you kicking my bosses down like you would a door, as exhilarating as that sounds," you chuckled aimlessly.

"bella, care to indulge me in what they're doing at that office of yours?" rossi said as you made your way to hug him.

"it's not that big of a deal, dave. i'm sure i'm just overreacting again," you sighed as you released him from his hug.

"not a big deal?" aaron butted in. "y/n, you deserved that promotion and they looked you over, yet again," he sassed. "i don't think that's overreacting," he rolled his eyes.

"i know i deserved it, but..." you sighed, weighing all the possibilities. "actually there's no buts. i've worked there for 8 years and have gotten two promotions. i guess i'm just really disappointed," you reasoned, trying not to start crying from the anger bubbling up inside of you.

"two promotions in eight years?" rossi questioned, noticing the annoyed look on your face at the thought. "do those assclowns not realize what an amazing worker you are?" david asked in disbelief.

"i don't know... i guess?" you questioned. "i just don't want to think about that right now," you said as you hugged jj in return.

"are you kidding? we've been to a few of your cases," the blond added. "you're amazing, y/n." jj complimented. "rossi's right. they must be absolutely blind if they don't see what a great worker you are."

"thank you, jayge," you smiled at her before realizing there was one more person at the table.

you'd seen him in pictures, and had heard enough about him to remember a few key points. he's a genius with three phd's, three ba's, he has a thing with germs, he's a bit awkward, and absolutely handsome. the pictures you've seen didn't do him justice.

"i'm assuming you're the famous dr. spencer reid?" you asked, not bothering to reach for a hug or handshake.

"i uhm, yes i am. dr. sp-spencer reid. or you can call me spen-spencer," he cleared his throught. "or reid, or basically whatever you'd uh- whatever you'd prefer," he stuttered out, sitting awkwardly in his chair and barely maintaining eye contact.

"how about we just go with spencer?" you asked as you made your way to your seat beside your brother. "my name's-"

"y/n hotchner, yes," he smiled at you as your brother pushed your chair in for you, you muttering a small 'thank you' in return. "i've uhm... i've heard a lot about you," he stammered.

"oh dear, let me go ahead and apologize in that case," you joked, eliciting laughter from your friends at the table.

"actually, there's uhm - there's no need to apologize. everything i heard was," he sniffled, "really good. it was all good," his lips formed into a line as he nodded at his own words.

"well then i guess i have to mention how great everyone's made you out to be. i mean, a three phds and three ba's at only, what? 34? that's beyond incredible, spencer," you complimented the gorgeous man sitting beside your brother.

"oh uhm, th-thank you, y/n," he blushed. cute.

"it's no problem at all. i mean it's not everyday that you meet a genius that's as young and handsome as you are," you laughed, taking a sip of the water that your brother had ordered for you before you arrived, not even realizing the compliment you had payed to his looks. shit. now you realized. you cleared your thought before acting like you didn't even say anything.

"oh! uhm, th-thank you, again. you're uhm - you're very - you too. not that you're handsome, but that you're very..." he trailed off, biting his lower lip to refrain from humiliating himself even more.

"well then, pretty boy, you sure do have a way with words," morgan teased, eliciting a jab in the stomach from penelope.

"derek morgan, if you do not shut up," penelope scowled.

meanwhile, you turned your head to notice your brother staring oddly at 'pretty boy' who was looking sheepishly at you. you nudged your brother's arm playfully, capturing his attention.

"stare any harder at him and he might explode, aaron," you whispered in his ear, being sure not to look at spencer.

"maybe that needs to happen with the way he's looking at you, y/n," he rebutted.

it's true. if anyone else had been looking at you that way, arron probably would've mentioned that he's in the fbi and that he has more than two guns to scare them away. since it was spencer, everything was different.

"shush, it's just a little crush. what's the worst that could happen?" you rolled your eyes at his protectiveness. "he'll be over it by the end of lunch," you announced, not noticing the way aaron rolled his eyes at your assumption.

aaron had seen spencer around girls enough to know that when he got flustered around them it usually meant something more than just a little crush in spencer's mind. that also means that arron knows that spencer would never try to do anything with you because you're his sister.

"fine," he relished, not wanting to bother with the genius's sure infatuation with you when this is the first time he's gotten to see his own sister in a while. "so you wanted to talk to me about something?" he changed the subject.

"right," you twiddled with your thumbs and looked down into your lap. "ikindaputinmytwoweeksnoticeatthefirmoceifoundoutaboutthepromotion," you rambled out, casually taking a sip of your drink as if you didn't just say you quit your job of 8 years.

"you did what?" he asked in confusion, not understanding what you said.

"i put in my two weeks notice once i found out about the promotion," you slowed down so he could understand, his eyes going wide upon the understanding.

"that's... what you wanted to do, right?" he questioned, not wanting to give you the wrong reaction.

"yea, i think so," you started. "i was just so tired of getting looked over just because of my gender, y'know? i've had to prove myself in everything i've ever done. i think i've more than proved myself at the firm," you announced, still trying to find your own confidence.

:you have, y/n. you've more than proved yourself to be an amazing lawyer," he agreed. "sometimes i'm convinced you might work harder than we do," he scoffed.

"there's no way, a," you laughed at the ridiculous statement. "i've just put my all into the firm. all my time, attention, and hard work has gone into that place. the reason that place is where it is right now is because of me," you pouted.

"i remember. i brought the whole team to the case that put the firm on the map. even reid was there," he stated.

"spencer was at that case?" you asked, not remembering him saying hi afterwords.

"yea, he was. he just got pulled away because of troubles with his mom," you 'ohh'ed at the revelation. "but that case was the hardest one i've ever seen a lawyer handle, y/n."

"thank you," you smiled at the compliment.

"no, i mean it," he relished. "i don't even think i would've won that case. that's what brought everyone to the firm. it was a high profile case, one that the bau was on. of course there was going to be a big turnout. you handled the press, and the pressure amazingly."

it was a case the bau had worked on for nearly a week and a half, and they needed you to further convince the jury that who they caught was the right unsub because of the amount of circumstantial evidence. you were able to get the unsub flustered, and admit to his own crime on the stand with the press in the room.

it was possibly the best case you'd ever gotten because the amount of publicity you'd gotten. but with publicity there came quite a few complications that you hadn't told anyone about.

"that's just the big brother in you talking," you giggled, trying to brush the compliment off naturally.

"whatever you say, y/n. whatever you say," he brought his drink up to his mouth to take a sip.

"so, how was the last case you were on?" you asked, quite intrigued by all the cases he would tell you when he had the chance.

"well, how about we start from the beginning since you like hearing about them so much?" he asked with a grin, you nodded eagerly.

"so it started with the unsub taking abducting his victims..."

throughout the case, you found yourself starting to profiling the suspects yourself, something your brother noticed too. i mean, how could you not do that? you had a degree in psychology and criminology so it made since that profiling them would be natural for you.

everyone at the table interrupted at their parts in the story. when david and jj went to the m.e., when aaron, emily, and derek went to the crime scene, spencer and the geo profile. you were fascinated by their work and everything they were able to do.

when you were younger and your brother had first started at the bau, he really enjoyed calling you to tell you about them. he loved your reactions and how enthusiastic you would become when he was talking. that's really when you first started dreaming about being in the bau, with aaron.

"ugh, y'know i used to dream of going on cases with you guys," you admitted after they finished wrapping up the case in words, taking a sip of your drink to wash your food down.

"really?" spencer asked, not stammering while talking to you for the first time all afternoon.

"yea. aaron would always tell me about the cases when you got back, and i could practically just imagine myself working them with him and you guys," you relished, a smile on your face as you recalled the memories of your younger self.

"i think you'd do excellent on the team," spencer suggested. "it's clear that you already work well with everyone, plus you're more than qualified to work with us, other than the fact that you'd need to go through the fbi training."

"actually i've already been through it," you nonchalantly admitted with a shrug.

"you have?" he questioned as his eyebrows raised in shock. "why haven't you decided to work at the fbi then?" you shrugged at his question.

"i guess i just thought i wouldn't fit in enough?" you said, clearly realizing the contradiction to your earlier statement about imagining yourself on the team. "besides, i got a job at the firm as soon as i got out of the academy, so it all worked out fine."

"actually, reid, that's a good idea," aaron said as he turned his attention to you. "would you be interested in working at the bau with us?" he asked with a small grin, the thought of working with his sister already bringing a smile to his face.

"wh-don't-wouldn't you have to ask your boss about that? that's a big change, adding a new member to a team. you guys already work so well together..." you trailed off, trying to come up with an excuse.

"strauss?" derek asked in feigned disbelief. "she loves you, kid. which is kind of odd since it seems as though she doesn't like hotch as much," derek chuckled.

"oh my god! imagine it, y/n!" penny yelled in excitement. "you could see us everyday, and you wouldn't have to deal with those buttmunches you work for!" she announced.

"used to work for, two weeks from now," you laughed. "and it sounds amazing, but aaron already works there. i'm sure that's enough hotchner's for you guys," you shrugged with a smile.

"that's nonsense!" emily disagreed. "two of my favorite people working with me?! an absolute dream, i tell you," she grinned.

"i guess if you talk to erin about it and she's alright with it..." you trailed off with a huff. "how could i say no?" you smiled.

"oh my gosh this is so exciting!" penny announced, jumping up and rushing arounf the table to hug you. "i'm so ready to work with you!"

"let's not get too beyond ourselves, pen," you giggled. "she hasn't approved my addition yet."

"come on, she's gonna approve it, y/n," dave commented.

"whatever you guys say," you laughed.

you all finished eating, and received the check for lunch of which david insisted on paying. you went up to him afterwards and insisted on paying your part of the bill, but he said it was 'his treat for this wondrous occasion.'

you reluctantly made your way back to your office, the lingering stares from your bosses not going unnoticed. you couldn't wait for those two weeks to be over and for you to be able to leave that hell hole behind, whether you got the job at the bau or not.

you sat down in your chair and reached for your blazer only to realize you must've left it back at the restaurant. great. there goes that 50 bucks.

"hey, sweetcheeks," ron, one of your bosses, commented upon his entrance to your office.

"how many times do i have to tell you not to call me that?" you rolled your eyes, finishing up on the transcript you would need for the case you had tomorrow.

"oh, come on. you know you love it," he said, walking further into your office and sitting on the corner of your desk, ignoring the two chairs that remained across from you. you closed your computer and looked into his eyes, shooting daggers at him with your own.

"what do you want?" you spat at him, wanting to get him out of your hair as soon as possible.

"well, you won't be an employee in two weeks," he announced as if you hadn't already known.

"i'm well aware," you sassed back, trying not to slap him across the face at the fact that he was no longer looking at your eyes, rather further south from them. you snapped your fingers to bring his attention back to your face. "what. do. you. want?"

"well, honey pie, i was just wanting to take you out. y'know, after you're done here," he bit his lip, trying to be seductive but massively failing.

the terrible thing about this fool is, he doesn't know what the word 'no' means. he's always made passes at you, and commented on your appearance. it, of course, made you uncomfortable, but you couldn't really do anything about it. the hopes of getting a promotion was greater than your uncomfortability.

"i've seen the way you look at me, it's no secret," he said, getting off your desk and walking closer to you.

"you mean it's no secret that i find you absolutely repulsive?" you snapped. "shocker," you widened your eyes to feign surprise with your remark.

"are you serious?" he said, his 'seductive' smile now turning into a frown.

"are you serious?" you asked in disgust.

you placed your laptop in your bag, taking your keys out of the bag in the process and beginning to walk out of your office to avoid the man standing there. he grabbed your arm, forcing you to face him.

"don't walk away from me," he gritted, his face red with anger. his grip on your arm tightened, surely leaving a bruise in its wake.

"then don't fucking touch me," you said, attempting to yank your arm away from him, only failing to do so. "let go," you demanded.

"sorry, sweetcheeks, i didn't get that," he smirked. that fucker smirked at your struggle.

knock. knock. knock.

you turned to see whoever was at your door. it was none other than dr. spencer reid. holding your blazer in his hand. you furrowed your brows in confusion before ron decided to drop your arm.

"what the hell is going on?" spencer asked, his eyes not leaving ron's defensive stature as he placed the jacket on one of the chairs by your desk.

"nothing, right doll?" ron looked at you, a disgusting grin on his face.

"yea, right," you rolled your eyes.

spencer's eyes trailed back to you and your arm ron was once holding, right where the red mark is. you swore that if looks could kill, ron would've died the second spencer knocked on your door.

"then what's that on her arm?" he questioned, moving closer to you and pushing you behind him defensively. "you hurt her," he accused. you stepped to his side, noting the way he tried to take charge for you.

"spencer," you placed a hand on his arm, forgetting his thing about germs for a second in attempt to calm him down. "i can handle this," he turned to face you. "i've dealt with this asshole for nearly 8 years, isn't that right, ron?" you questioned with a sneaky grin.

"who the hell is this guy, sweetcheeks?" he questioned as if you had an obligation to tell him who he was.

"you don't get to know that. and you don't get to call me that, either," you reminded him, having to bite your lip to try not to explode on the guy.

"are you fucking this guy?" he accused you. you pushed spencer out of the way, and squinted your eyes at him in disbelief.

"you're seriously asking me that?" you asked. "if i was, it's still none of your fucking business, asshole!" you said getting closer to his face in order to make a point.

slap!

the asshole slapped you.

spencer quickly grabbed you and moved you out of the way before pushing the guy into the wall, knocking your fake plant over as well as a few books on the shelf on the wall. ron's face was smashed into the wall, one of his arms twisted behind his back as both were in spencer's grasp.

"don't you dare touch her. ever again," he demanded, twisting his arm even further, ron squirming to get out of his grip. "did you hear me?"

your hand cupped the side of your face, the sting from ron's wedding band hurting more than you would've thought.

"ahh! yes! yes, i heard you!" he squealed.  

"good. now you can apologize to her like a gentleman," he ordered, pushing his arm further up into his back to elicit another groan from the man, you had a hard time keeping a straight face from the scene in front of you.

"shit! ouch! okay! i'm sorry! i'm sorry!" he apologized in a high pitched tone, still trying to get out of spencer's grasp.

"good job," he released him from his grip, a sigh coming from ron at the freedom his arm received. "now go before i change my mind and cuff you right here," he ordered.

"cuff me?" he asked in disbelief. spencer pulled his fbi badge out, flashing it in ron's face, noticing the way his eyebrows shot up. "oh shit."

you moved your hand away from your face, looking at your hand and noticing the patch of blood that remained there. you wiped your cheek, trying to stop the blood flow.

"what did i just say?" spencer asked. "leave. now."

"right," ron said, walking back over towards the door, whispering to you on the way out. "don't bother coming to work tomorrow. or ever again."

"oh that'll be no problem, boss," you scoffed as he made his way out of the door, leaving you and spencer alone in your office.

"i'm uh, sorry about your plant," he pointed at the fake succulent that lay on the floor.

"it was fake anyway," you shrugged as you kneeled down to pick it up as spencer began picking the books up. "thank you, by the way," you smiled at the man.

"it's nothing, really," it was his turn to shrug. "hotch wouldn't have let me on the next case if i didn't intervene in whatever was going on."

oh. so that's why he helped you. of course it was. you were his superior's little sister, nothing else.

"so, what brings you here?" you asked as he offered you his hand to help you stand up, you gladly took it and rose to your feet. "oh sorry, you have a germ... my bad" you grimaced at the thought of making him uncomfortable.

"oh, don't worry about it. and i was actually here to bring you your blazer," he said, retrieving the jacket from the chair and giving it back to you. "i uhm, you forgot it at the restaurant."

"right, i noticed that once i got here. thank you," you thanked him, placing the jacket over your arm and picking up your bag. "you've already saved me twice today and we've only just met," you laughed.

"it seems that way," he smiled, walking with you out of the office. he gently grabbed your shoulder and turned you to face him once you were outside. "your face is bleeding, y/n."

"oh," you reached your hand up to notice the way the blood was still lightly flowing. "oops," you laughed.

"you should clean it up, you don't need to get that infected," he suggested, his hand tracing the outskirts of ron's handprint on your face.

"thanks for the recommendation, doc," you laughed. "i think i have some stuff back at my place that i could use."

"i'm so sorry that happened," he frowned slightly, his hand dropping to his side.

"ehh," you shrugged. "i'm sure you've seen worse. besides, i can handle myself," you said as he began walking with you in the direction of your car.

"let me see your arm?" he asked softly.

you brought it up closer to his eyesight. he gently grasped your arm, nothing like the way he had done to ron earlier in your office. his touch left goosebumps on your skin, the soft way his fingers traced your arm.

"it's already bruising, so i think it's only a subcutaneous bruise, luckily," he diagnosed.

"i'll bet you could pass as a medical doctor if you tried," you noted, nudging his arm gently with yours.

"many people make that mistake already! it's a frequent misconception by a lot of people i meet," he smiled.

"if i hadn't already known what kind of doctor you were, i'm sure i might've fallen into that misconception," you added with a grin as you approached your car. "so, this is me," you smiled and nodded at the tall man.

"oh! right! uhm..." he trailed off. "it was nice to meet you, y/n," he smiled kindly.

his smile's nice. warm. very home-like.

"it was nice to meet you too," you smiled. "thank you, again. for saving me back there."

"of course. anytime. i'm just glad i got there before anything got too bad..." he furrowed his brows at the not so distant memory.

"yea, you and me both, handsome," you joked, noticing the way his cheeks blushed at the compliment. "so where are you parked? the least i could do is give you a ride to your car," you suggested.

"oh, i was actually on my way to the metro. driving isn't really my thing..." he grimaced.

"then how about i drive you home?" you asked, wanting to figure out how to thank the perfect man that stood before you.

"i-i don't want you to be going out of your way..." he shook his head.

"look, spencer, i won't force you to do anything, but i want to do this," you placed a hand on his forearm. "at least as a thank you."

"um..." he looked at his watch, noticing the time. "okay, i guess that'd be nice. besides, i've missed the last ride to where i need to go," he shrugged with a small grin.

"great! just tell me where to, doc," you said as you both got into your car.

"capital plaza apartments," he announced with a grin.

"sounds great," you said as you turned the key in the ignition, backing out of your parking spot and starting the way towards his apartment. "so, you've worked at the bau for 12 years? right?"

"yea. i started when i was 22," he announced.

"right, i remember aaron telling me how you were the youngest member of the team when you got there," you encouraged him to continue.

"right again. they actually had to make an exception to let me into the field," he laughed softly. "they had to waiver basically every physical exam on account of my mental capabilities."

"i mean, whatever works. it's so intriguing that at such a young age you know so much, and your knowledge is only expanding," you shook your head in disbelief.

"well you've accomplished quite a lot and you're only 30. working at a firm for 8 years and being as successful as you are is remarkable," he remarked.

"thank you, spencer," you looked over at the man and smiled before stopping at the red light.

"do you have any tissues?" he asked, you furrowed your brows in question. "your cheek is still bleeding," he informed you.

"oh! there right there in the glovebox," you pointed across his lap as he grabbed the tissue from the compartment and reached across the console himself.

you leaned in across the console yourself, trying to make it easier for him to wipe it off. he cautiously used it to dab the little blood remaining on your cheek off, his hand lingering for a while.

you looked up to meet his eyes, the red from the stoplight illuminating his facial structure in a way that was otherworldly. you were entranced by each others' gaze, not even noticing the light turned green until the car behind you honked their horn, alerting you to step on the gas.

"oh! sorry," you apologized, biting the inside of your lip as you continued to drive him back to his apartment.

"don't be," he swallowed the lump in his throat.

sooner than later, you pulled into his apartment complex to drop him off.

"thank you so much, again, spencer," you placed a hand on his upper arm to emphasize your thanks.

"you don't need to thank me, y/n. i was happy to help," he placed one of his much larger hands on top of yours, squeezing it gently before he made his way out of your car. "goodbye."

"goodbye, spencer," you returned as you watched him walk up to his apartment building, practically gawking at the man that saved you.

you drove back to your house quickly, entering the code for the gate. you noticed yet another piece of paper taped to the front of the gate. you ripped it off the metal, and placed it inside your bag.

upon entering you placed your bag on the hook that remained on your wall after retrieving the sheet of paper from it. you kicked your shoes off beside the door neatly, walking into your kitchen to pour yourself a small glass of wine before tending to your wound.

you walked into your bathroom and gazed at the handprint on your face, noticing the small gash that remained on your cheekbone. after washing your face, you used an antibiotic on the cut, placing a small bandage overtop.

walking into your bedroom, you admired the view from the large window as you changed into your pajamas. you were too tired to eat anything, but you knew you needed to get something into your system.

you walked back into your kitchen and found a granola bar you could eat quickly. you grabbed the sheet of paper and walked back into your living room as you continued to eat.

underneath your sofas, there are storage bins that you keep extra things inside. what also happens to be inside of that bin is a small, old shoebox. inside of that shoebox you placed the note, along with all the others you've received, not bothering to read it this time.

you made your way back into the bathroom, brushed your teeth, and returned to your bedroom.

it was a long day, very eventful. you could only hope the letters would stop if you got the job at the bau. but for now... sleep.

[insomniac-dot-ink]

Hello, there! I just found your blog via your post about focusing on being honest rather than good in your writing. It really resonated with me, but would you happen to have any personal tips or experiences you'd be willing to share regarding that concept? It's really difficult for me to be true to myself in my writing, both because I'm a people-pleaser and am not used to the vulnerability of writing honestly. Thank you for your time!

Sure! I can definitely give some tips. 

Being honest in your writing is really important. When people read they generally aren’t looking for factual honesty-- and while you should do your nuts and bolts research, most people are looking for emotional honesty.

What is emotional honesty? It’s more than simply naming an emotion such as “anger” or “sadness” but expressing the gritty details and complexity of it. It can mean adding small things like sentences like “I knew I had every right to be angry, but why did I feel so guilty for it? And why did that just make me more angry?”

Emotions are a complex beast and it takes time and practice to be able to express them in a sincere manner. Here are a few tips!

The Method

Work on Yourself

I know this sounds a little broad, but it’s important. There isn’t really any way around it, if you want to write honestly you have to discover truths about yourself and your own emotions. This can mean a lot of things!

You can journal for 15 minutes before you begin writing. Your journaling time can be anything you want. You can ask yourself some important questions like “how am I? What do I want? How am I feeling?” Often, building emotional intelligence starts with finding and identifying emotions. Just give it a name! Other ways to build emotional intelligence is to practice forgiveness and gratitude. Some people even keep “gratitude diaries” for everything they’re grateful for that day.

Personally, I built-up a lot of emotional intelligence through going to a hell of a lot of therapy for years and years since I was a young teen. This wasn’t something I did for my writing obviously but learning strategies to accept and talk about emotions has been vital to my process.

The first step to understanding emotions is accepting them so be sure to name your own emotions and then let them in, accept them in any shape or form. As Rumi said “This being human is a guesthouse” and we must let our emotions have enough room within us for a proper stay.

Building up emotional intelligence can take a long time, but it’s all-important so keep at it!

2. Meditative Writing

If you’re not big on journaling, you can do what I do, and set time aside before you write to focus-in on the feeling of the writing itself. What I do is set a timer for 5-10 minutes (I’ve been allowing more time for it recently) and sit on the floor with my eyes closed.

I think about how I want my story to go and then I specifically concentrate on the emotion I want to bring out. I hold that emotion I want to convey to the reader inside of myself until I’ve memorized it and then I sit down to write.

The Execution

1. Don’t state the emotion outright

While it’s important to name your own emotions, but don’t name them in writing. Don’t write “she was sad,” but that she was racked with sobs or surrounded by used tissues in a museum of choking germs and wet silence. Emotions are more like sensations then they are simple words and you have to invoke those sensations if you want to connect to your readers.

2. Apply your own experience

You don’t have to write your own autobiography, but you do have to capture emotions that you’ve felt before and apply them to your character. How does your rationality interact with your impulses? How does your determination interact with your despair? What is your internal world and what’s important to you?

This is an internal process you can access through turning inward and asking yourself “what do you I need say?” If you’re not sure, then try journaling or meditative writing again.

3. Access “scary” and conflicting emotions

People are more interested in your fears and anxieties and joys and fury and trauma than they are your indifference or surface-level feelings. You must be brave and face the deepest parts of yourself, and again, this takes practice. Let yourself access “strong” emotions as well as conflicting emotions.

As Chobsky writes in Perks of Being a Wallflower “So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that can be.”

Emotions are layered. There is shame hidden under anger hidden under despair with hints of grief. You must weave emotions in and out of themselves in order to capture some sort of truth. You’re allowed to let your characters not understand their emotions, but you must convey it strongly and without fear.

Such as “It was a funeral, but I couldn’t get myself to cry. I couldn’t even get myself to muster anything but relief that it was all over. What’s wrong with me? I think I am going to die for it.” Let it be messy. Let it be hard. Let it even be repulsive.

Honesty hurts, but people will be grateful for your honesty and grateful for the catharsis it brings.

I hope some of these tips helped! And good luck with your writing.

[supremesukuna]

Part 2 of Jedi!Reader please? Maybe Jealous!Mando and uhh.. Smut (maybe) lmao I'm sorry

"So I’ve had this idea floating around in my head for the past couple of days. Could you write something where the reader just randomly gets kissed by someone and mando gets super jealous because he wants to be able to kiss them? I love your writing so much! It always makes my day when you post something 🥰"

Hope you dont mind that I put these two together! This was getting a bit long so the smut will have to wait until part 3 😅

part one

***

"I'll go and get the supplies. You wait here. I'm not sure how long this will take, so don't wander off." Din informed you.

You nodded. "I'll keep myself busy here." You smiled as you looked across the square of the little town you had stopped in. There was a small market which you could occupy yourself with.

You had taken your time looking across the various fruits, trinkets and foods for sale, many of which you had not seen before. You didn't have any credits on you to purchase anything, which had you kicking yourself, as you had already seen about 8 items you wanted to buy.

You were snapped out of your daze when you heard a familiar voice call your name. You turned to see who the voice belonged to.

"Tarver?" You questioned, a smile overtaking your face. "Is that really you?"

You rushed towards him and pulled him into a hug. He was an old friend of yours, you had both trained together and fought against the Galactic Empire together. You hadn't seen him since the fall of the Empire, when all the Jedi scattered.

"What brings you here?" He asked, his smile equally as bright.

"Just stocking up on supplies. You?"

"I live here. Moved here after our final battle."

"Have you seen anyone else? I haven't seen any of our Jedi friends for years!"

"A few, a lot of people pass through here."

"Prime spot for travellers I'm guessing?"

"Correct."

You continued catching up, talking about your old memories, your current lives, your future plans. It was comforting to have a reminder of where you had come from, it reminded you of how far you'd come, and how much your life had improved since choosing to travel with Din.

"I best let you go about your day."

You nodded in agreement. "If we don't go now, we'll be here all day." You joked. "See you soon, yeah? I'm sure I'll come this way again."

"See you too!" He leaned forward, which caused you to instinctively pull away. "Come on, you know I can't not kiss you."

You laughed, "you make it sound so romantic." You knew it was far from that.

Tarver came from a community who kissed friends and acquaintances goodbye, it was seen as offensive to avoid it. You had made many jokes about it in the past.

"Ugh fine. Make it quick. I don't want your germs." You joked, easily falling back into your old routines.

"Always so polite."

He leant towards you, pressing a quick kiss on your lips. You let him, but didn't pass up the opportunity to fake gag.

"That felt like kissing a sibling." You overreacted.

"Blame my ancestors for putting it into our etiquette."

"Curse you!" You waved your fist at the sky, causing the two of you to double over in laughter.

A sudden tight grip on your arm snapped you out of it. You looked up, seeing Din.

"Oh hi." You didn't bother to hide your surprise. That was much quicker than you expected.

"We need to go."

He didn't give you a chance to respond, moving his grip to your wrist and pulling you along, forcing you to fall in step behind him.

You yelled a quick bye over your shoulder, before concentrating on keeping up with Din's quick steps. Your heart was hammering in your chest. Something had really worried or annoyed him, hence your quick getaway, so you kept an eye out for any suspicious activity. Perhaps you had been followed to the little town, or Din had bumped into trouble.

But you only grew more confused when there was no sign of any commotion or any sight of people spying or trying to follow you. You couldn't sense anyone nearby either. It was when you had exited the town and started down the route back to the Razor Crest that you voiced your confusion.

"Din, can you please tell me what's going on? Are we in danger?"

"No." He responded, his tone clipped. Din's footsteps did not get any slower, nor his grip any looser.

"Then why are you so quick to leave?" You tried to pull your wrist away, but he didn't let up.

"Let's just go."

You dug your heels into the ground, forcing him to stop. Din swung round to face you, his posture showing annoyance.

"I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me what happened." He had a habit of hiding things from you, thinking it protected you, but it only made you ill prepared for when you inevitably ran into trouble. You had repeatedly asked him to start being more open, but knew it was difficult for someone so used to travelling alone.

He sighed loudly, tugging your arm, but you wrenched it away from his grip, crossing your arms.

"Stop being awkward. Let's go." Din stepped forward to reach for you again, but you took a step back.

"No, not unless you start being honest with me. What happened?"

"Nothing happened."

"Then why are you acting so odd? Something must have happened for you to be so rattled."

"I'm not... rattled." He didn't sound convincing at all.

"Well you're something."

"You wandered off. I told you not to do that."

Now he was making excuses. "You told me to make myself busy while you got our supplies. I stayed near to where you were, so don't blame this on me."

He didn't say anything, and an awkward silence fell over the two of you. You scraped your boots against the ground, waiting for him to explain, but he stayed silent.

"Please just be honest with me." You half begged.

"Who were you speaking to?"

You were taken aback by his question, and his unnecessarily rough tone. "Someone I know."

"Someone you know?" He repeated.

"Yes." You spoke slowly, unsure what he was getting at.

"You know them well?"

"Define well?" You had no idea what an earth he was on about.

"Well enough to-" he stopped himself, but you knew now what he was getting at.

"To what?" You were visibly annoyed now, realising what he was probably getting at. But he didn't need to act like such a child.

"You know what."

"So you're spying on me now."

"If you won't be honest then I'll have to."

"How have I not been honest?!" Your voice raised in annoyance.

"Keep your voice down. And how can I keep you safe if you run off with other men?" He regretted what he said once it was out of his mouth, not realising how bad it sounded until it was too late.

"Seriously? Din, what the hell?" You sounded genuinely hurt, at it made his chest ache.

"I didn't mean that to sound so... accusing."

"Well it did." You tried not to sound so offended, but failed.

You continued, explaining yourself to stop him thinking the worst. "He's a friend, I trained with him. We were Padawans together. And if you'd just asked me instead of assuming everything, you would know that."

"...And the kiss?" His own insecurity caused him to ask. It's not like he was able to do that with you whenever he pleased. You'd never openly discussed what your relationship was prior to this moment, but you both knew there was an unspoken thing between the two of you.

"Din, it was nothing. It's a weird etiquette thing from his home planet."

"To kiss people on the mouth?"

"Yes." You were exasperated. "Honestly, he'd probably try to kiss you if I introduced you." It sounded ridiculous out of context. You reached for his hand, knowing that your touch helped ground him. "Din please believe me." You looked up at him.

"I believe you."

He hated how upset you looked, especially as it was his fault. You were blaming yourself for his own insecurity.

"I didn't mean to upset you." His voice was soft, trying to remove the hurt expression currently dominating your features.

You took a deep breath, but Din didn't miss how shaky it was. "It's fine. I get that this-" you gestured between the two of you "-is different for you, and for me as well. I wasn't thinking."

Din's chest felt heavy at your response. You were so good, always thinking of him over yourself. Even when he was most arguably in the wrong, you were the one apologising.

"Don't apologise. I overreacted."

"No you didn't."

Din cupped your face, forcing you to look at him. "Yes I did. I shouldn't have done that. I got jealous and stopped thinking straight. It's not your fault."

"Jealous?" You tilted your head questioningly, a gesture you'd unconsciously picked up from Din.

"I..." He hesitated.

"It's okay. You can tell me." You encouraged him gently. Your tummy was doing somersaults at his unspoken confession.

"I... care about you. And I like having you around. It's nice. I would hate for you to leave."

"Din, I would never leave you. Why would you think that?"

He shifted uncomfortably, and you realised he'd probably opened up more than he had done to most people. Discussing insecurities out in the open would not be at all easy or comfortable for him.

You approached him and wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head on his chest. You pulled him towards you, squeezing tightly.

"I care about you too. And I love being with you. Please don't ever worry about me leaving. I would never."

"I know."

"You're all I have, you know? And the kid." You reassured.

His chin rested on top of your head, his arms wrapping around your back just as tightly as yours were around him. His hands felt warm against your back, and you loved having him so close, despite his beskar armour not being the most huggable material in the world.

"We can go back to the ship if you want to?" You asked.

"Okay."

You went to pull away but he kept one arm wrapped securely around you as you fell in step side by side, your own arm around his waist.

***

part three coming soon!

[goodguydotmp3]

1) Hi, I just came across your post on Harry & although we are looking at him differently i absolutely agree with you on alot of what you say.  I never was a 1D fan, I worked for an arena & was lucky enough back in those days to see 1000's of concerts.  I remember thinking 1D was awful.  12 months ago now I fell down the rabbit hole with Harry.  I can't say i'm a fan because I only like a combination of his songs from both albums, which I listen to often on a playlist.

2. the others I listened to once and never again.  I never bothered to listen to his CALM app nor do I obsess over wanting his merch & quite frankly didn't bother to buy a ticket to see him.  In fact I kinda find him a bit cringe at times on stage.  However, I think he is one of the most charismatic sexiest humans on the planet. This has caused me to want to study him.  A lot of what I think you actually said.  He is 100% a brand.   

3. He is a smart guy & i'm pretty sure a lovely person but I also think he is a shrewd businessman.  He has allied himself with professionals who know how to make millions off of his brand.  Classic example was the beauty pages (which I despised btw). Probably in partnership with the magazine knowing it would sell out in seconds.  I'm sure him & his team are laughing all the way to the bank, and on the fans coin.  

4. I could analyse as well why I think he queerbaits, which I believe he does for his image.  That being said I truly think he is open to anything, he is at a level in his life that he is able to do whatever he wants.  I certainly don't want to paint him as a nasty person which he certainly isn't.  But again why his silence on social media ?  I do think it's because he wants privacy but at the same time he could be more open to his fans if he wished.

5. Other stars do live random Instagrams with their fans.  You don't have to give anything away  & it wouldn't hurt him to do now & again.  Yet I don't think he wants to.  He did facetime interviews with DJ's in London who all happen to be his friends, but nothing to the people who give him the lifestyle he has become accustomed to.  

6. There are a few things in his past that don't sit right with me & again, I don't hate him, I find him very charismatic & alluring, but I certainly don't think he is anything personally like his fans think he is.  Anyways sorry for all the asks. 

okay so let me just start by sating you really probably could have gotten away with just one ask but since we here let’s go. 

second (okay last one fore i go in) is this a white? you can be honest. that’s not why I’m judging you I just have hunch.

Lemme just say I already can’t take you seriously if you gone sit up here and tell me wondee is awful. WHERE? Especially Four and Midnight Memories! I also can’t imagine being privileged enough to see their live performances with raw vocals repeatedly and still have the nerve to say with yo whole chest one d is awful. Especially in comparison to Harry!! Where are the vocals?? Where are the riffs??? Every time I see a solo Harry video It’s never about the amazing things he does with his voice, it’s always some joke he made, or his dancing, or how he messed up, or an outfit someone’s talking about. one time I saw where there was a difference between shows where he was louder in the latter bc of the confidence factor. Like?? Go girl Give us nothing!!!

And even with songs, you already said he ain’t all that! You already said he’s barely passable, You already know he’s not an artist so what exactly are you even holding on for?

I know you’ said he’s “the sexiest and most charismatic man on the planet” but I promise you that 1) no he’s not so don’t even lie like that 2) not even in his own band 3) not even in the music industry.

I pinky promise you there is better out there for you, hell there are better rich white man out there just waiting for you time, attention, and coin.

Rich white men who haven’t built stadiums that hurt the smaller stadium in the same town and only benefit the large artists who would be able to sell it out, who doesn’t associate with the Kardashian-Jenner clan, who are notoriously racist and elitist and make money off of doing so, white male artists who don’t travel across countries during a pandemic, seemingly doing the most to spread as many germs as possible, at a time when his home country is among the worst county handling the spread of a deadly virus. 

Other white men who are just straight up not Zionists, which I feel should have been the point where people were actually upset but apparently not because I see “free Palestine” this and that but then scroll down and see his ugly mug in a closeup (and not no old “oh he looks like a baby” picture neither, one of them recent “my name is earl” lookin ass photos, posted uncritically). Other white men who don’t use a deadly global pandemic to squeeze for coin out of folx, 

Other white men who aren’t okay with racism, transphobia, homophobia, Zionism, and would gladly denounce any fan who felt like that. 

Other white men who aren’t just using gender ambiguity as an aesthetic, and can actually recognize and use other pronouns besides he/she when prompted.

Other white men who hire black and brown people to work with and for them, and don’t just wait until the next blm wave to try and score brownie points with prominent (white approved) black people. Other white men Who don’t take that amazon money! Other white men who don’t buy your data to make more money! Side note please tell me we’re all still pissed about that???

Harry Styles is a Nasty Bitxh and will do anything to get what he truly wants: money and fame. If you can stan a husk of a man because you think he looks pretty and his scripted remarks from some of the best pr managers money can buy sound real good when he says them, do you boo. But please don’t try to make excuses for this ho. 

At the end of the day he might as well be Mr. Monopoly himself, and if that’s okay with you, that’s between you and your bank account, but I have to ask why you feel the need to defend him (especially seeing as he has an entire team of people to do that for him), and if all the defending is worth it. If you have to make this many allowances for him, is he really that great?

 If you keep turning a blind eye, at some point you just blind.

[the-knights-who-say-book]

Hey there! I've been wanting to start sharing some of my own writing/writing process (short excerpts, musings, stuff like that) on here, but I'm a little scared of starting because I'm afraid it will annoy people or people won't care whatever. Basically, I want to start trying to find a writing community to have more of a support group and I don't really know where to start. Idk was it difficult for you to post your first stories or would you have any advice on how to get started with that?

hi! there’s a lot in this message so i’m going to try to break it down and hopefully give you some moderately organized answers? (organization? on this blog? it’s less likely than you think!)

Scared of starting — to be perfectly honest, it’s possible nobody will “care” as in it might not get many notes (it’s happened on plenty of my snippets, it’s disappointing but?? we’re strong! we’re wordwranglers! minor setback! fear the pen!) but nobody’s going to be annoyed, i promise. and the more you put out there, the sooner something will catch the attention of the people who have been just waiting for exactly what you’re writing and there are definitely people out there who are just waiting to care really hard about it

Trying to find a writing community — i’m not a great person to give advice on this one tbh, i’m way more booklr than writeblr. my support group is pretty much @thesuninperigee, yelling into the void, and checking the tags for compliments. but i see plenty of posts from the booklr/writeblr crossover of people looking to find their own community on my dash, so there are other people out there and if you start following and interacting with other writing blogs that interest you i know you’ll find them!

Getting started — …wasn’t really difficult tbh, probably because i didn’t expect much of a reaction so there was no pressure. i had an idea that was personally interesting to me and i shared it the same way i’d share the news that i found an interesting book. “don’t know if you guys care, but here’s this thing the bookstore/my brain spat up”. so my advice is probably pretty obvious: just don’t worry about what other people will think of it, write the thing that makes you feel like ur glowing in the way that can best pass on the way you feel to whoever reads it. congrats, you have created a literary virus that can be spread by germs and reblogs. go back to the lab and make another

[ghostsinthewoods]

Bonus: Gregg and Bea Solve a Mystery

Early evening in Possum Springs. The sky was a sleepy orange, the setting sun poking out from behind a few scarce clouds. The weather was getting warmer. It was still appropriate weather for long sleeves and hoodies, but more and more people were just wearing t-shirts.

Not that Bea could appreciate the weather, really. She was stuck behind the counter at the Ol' Pickaxe. A whole day of moving tools, lifting supplies, and explaining different types of hammers to the customers.

They really needed to get someone else on the team. That guy Danny had worked for them for, like, two or three days before getting fired. Maybe Germ was looking for a job? He already helped out sometimes.

Bea almost considered if Mae might be interested, but she decided against it. She loved Maeday, but she didn't trust her around anything heavy and unwieldy.

Well, this was all stuff Bea could talk to her dad about. He'd been having a few good days recently. Bea would have been hopeful, but he'd had good days before. Without some sort of professional help, Bea didn't know if her dad would get out of the place he was in.

The bell above the door rang, and Bea already knew who it was. Mae stopped in to check on her friends every day. It was right before closing, so if Mae wanted to do something, Bea felt like she'd be down for it. She didn't really have any other plans.

But it wasn't Mae at the door. That threw Beatrice for a loop. Instead, it was Gregg. His expression was hard to read as he sprinted towards the shop's counter.

This was weird. Gregg almost never stopped in at the Ol' Pickaxe. It wasn't an unwelcome surprise, of course—she didn't hang out with Gregg that much, but she still considered him a friend. Still, something seemed wrong.

"Dude, the barn!" He said, stopping to catch his breath. "Burglars!"

"Okay, Gregg, I'm going to need a complete sentence," Bea said. "Also, hello to you, too."

Gregg seemed confused at first. He nodded, though, and waved. "Yeah. Hey. Hi, Bea. Hi. Someone broke into the Party Barn."

"Is it really breaking in considering it's abandoned?" Bea asked. "Because, if it is, then we break in there all the time."

"This is serious, Bea!" Gregg exclaimed. "They jacked our shit! All of our shit is jacked as hell!"

Okay, that was concerning. Bea knew that leaving the instruments in the Party Barn was a bad idea. It was a good thing she wasn't dumb enough to leave her computer in there. But now wasn't the time to say 'I told you so.'

"Have you told the police?" Bea asked. Almost as soon as she said it, though, she realized it was a dumb question. Gregg shared the same 'Eff the cops' mentality that Mae had. The antiestablishment fervor of middle class 20-somethings.

"If I tell the cops, they'll just say it was dumb for me to keep my shit in there," Gregg said.

"Okay, but it was pretty dumb," Bea pointed out.

"And that's why I'm not telling the cops," Gregg said. "I've already heard it from you."

Bea sighed. "Look, Gregg, I'm sorry. This really sucks. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yeah," Gregg said, "I'm gonna try and sleuth out some clues. Come with me. Let's be cops."

Bea wasn't even sure what to say to that. Over the few years she'd known him, Bea had never quite gotten used to Gregg's strange brand of zaniness. It seemed like every few days, he had something new to surprise her. This was one of those days.

"Okay, I guess I can help you look," Bea said slowly. "Should we, like, tell Mae or Angus?"

Gregg frowned. "Nah, Mae's doing something with Germ. And Angus has…" A look of mild disgust seemed to cross Gregg's face. "He's got family stuff."

Ah. 'Family stuff'. Now that she thought about it, Angus had mentioned his brother would be coming over for a visit a few weeks ago. That meant a visit to their mom. Bea felt her face contort into the same look of disgust that Gregg had.

"Alright," Bea sighed. "Let's go. I don't know what you're expecting, though."

Gregg grinned. "I'm expecting to solve a mystery, Beatrice."

The Party Barn seemed to never change. Ever since it had closed, and the supplies and furniture had been moved out, it seemed to be in a constant state of emptiness. It was like the pictures of abandoned building people posted online.

Well, it was an abandoned building. Most of the time. But whenever the band was in there, for a few minutes every night the building was full of music.

Tonight, though, it was only full of old confetti and two idiots looking for clues.

Bea wasn't entirely sure why she was there. It was probably just because she didn't really have anything else to do. It was a little weird that Mae had decided to just hang out with Germ without saying hi.

Then again, both Mae and Germ were a little weird themselves.

While Gregg searched around behind the Birthday Zone stage, Mae leaned against one of the support columns and lit a cigarette. Watching Gregg dig through the old streamers and decorations, Bea found it amazing that he had so much energy after a day of work.

"Oh, shit!" Gregg suddenly called out.

Bea raised an eyebrow. "What? Did you find something?"

Bea walked over to where Gregg was crouched down. She'd figured he hadn't found whatever clue he was looking for, and she was right. Gregg was pointing to the cement floor underneath the Birthday Zone stage. Graffiti of all sorts had been carved into it.

Gregg was pointing at a cluster of words in particular. 'GGG', 'KC', and 'MAEDAY'.

"Oh," Bea said. "I'm guessing this is something you guys did a while ago?"

"Yeah, when we were, like, 12," Gregg said. "For some reason, Casey thought it was cool for him to write his name as 'KC' back then." He shrugged, and then pointed to the three G's on the floor. "That's mine."

Bea blinked. She knew for a fact that those weren't his initials. "Why the three G's?" She asked.

Gregg smirked, as if he was holding in the greatest joke in the world. "They're the G's in my name," he said. "They stand for Gay, Gayer, Gayest."

Bea laughed. "You know, you're lucky your name has three G's in it. That joke wouldn't work if your name was, like, Lawrence. You should be thankful."

"I'm thankful that my name isn't Lawrence every day of my life," Gregg said.

Bea was contemplative for a moment. "So, like," she said, "I hope you don't think this is prying, but did you really know you were gay back when you were 12?"

Gregg didn't seem offended. He shrugged nonchalantly. "I mean, I almost feel like I've always known. Like, I realize there must have been a point in my life when I didn't know, but… I mean, I dunno."

Bea nodded. "Right. Sorry, I don't know why I asked."

"Dude, it's cool. Don't apologize." Gregg laughed. "I mean, I knew who I was pretty early. I feel like a lot of people probably go through life not knowing who or what they're into, you know?"

Bea did know. Some people, like Gregg or Jackie, figured out who they were fairly early. Meanwhile, Bea wasn't 100% certain about who she was. She was fairly certain she was straight. At least, she thought she was. But every so often, something happened that made her question that.

Now wasn't the time to think about that, though. Gregg continued searching under the stage. After a few seconds, he let out a triumphant cry and pulled something out.

"Check it out!" He exclaimed. "A clue!"

It took Bea a few seconds to register what exactly it was. Mostly because she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"That's a bong," Bea said.

"Sure is!" Gregg said. "Our culprit must've dropped it when they were nabbing the instruments."

Bea didn't even know where to start with that. For one thing, it wasn't an old bong. The green glass wasn't dusty, so it couldn't have been here for long. Also, while Bea wasn't very knowledgeable about weed culture, she somehow doubted that people just carried bongs with them all over the place.

"Levy probably knows whose bong this is," Gregg said. "If not, he can point us in the right direction."

"Then what?" Bea asked.

"Then, we nab 'em," Gregg said with a grin. "We bring 'em to justice!"

"Gregg, we're not cops." Bea pointed out.

"We killed those weirdos in the mine. We're basically cops."

"That's not how being a cop works," Bea muttered. "That's the opposite of how being a cop works."

Gregg rolled his eyes. "Whatever. It's a lead. Now let's go out to the Food Donkey and find Levy." He crammed the bong into his leather jacket. The top of the pipe poked out of the neck hole.

There was no way this wasn't going to end badly.

Bea wasn't in the habit of hiking out to the Food Donkey. If she was, she probably would have felt like the trek took a bit longer than it normally would. The whole way there, she was terrified someone would notice the green bong poking out of Gregg's jacket.

To her surprise, though, no one seemed to notice. Even in Possum Springs, everyone was busy with their own lives.

"So," Gregg said as they made their way past the Clik Clak, "you and Angus have been friends for a while, right?"

"Since, like, 8th grade, yeah," Bea said. Then, she chuckled. "To be honest, I was kinda surprised when you two started dating. Like, you're complete opposites in a lot of ways. No offense."

"You're really worried about offending me, huh?" Gregg asked. "Don't sweat it. He's big and cool, I'm small and scrappy. He's a super genius, I'm… Gregg."

Bea frowned, stopping in her tracks. Gregg stopped alongside her. "I don't think Angus would agree with that. You're smarter than you give yourself credit for."

Gregg laughed at that. It was a sad bark of a laugh. They continued walking along the black tar of the parking lot. The two turned the corner around the Food Donkey, making their way to the back. Bea was beginning to notice the faint smell of glue.

"Man, it's my second time seeing Levy in less than a week," Gregg muttered.

"Who is Levy, anyway?" Bea asked. She hadn't always socialized with the same people as Gregg and Mae. She'd known Casey, sort of; mostly through his reputation as a troublemaker. But Levy? Bea didn't remember anyone named Levy.

"Eh. If you don't know him, you don't know him," Gregg replied. "Thanks for coming with me, by the way. Kinda bored without Angus or Mae."

"I still can't believe Angus's brother makes him visit their mom," Bea muttered. "Like, I get he's trying to do be, like, a bigger person and all, but—"

"There's a lot about Angus's brother I don't get," Gregg said. "Let's leave it at that. I don't hate the guy, but… yeah. I feel like it'd be better if he just left Angus alone."

Bea didn't know if she entirely agreed with that. She'd met Angus's brother once or twice. Still, Gregg did have a point; he needed to stop dragging Angus along to meet with toxic people from his past.

They were behind the Food Donkey now. While the front was simply abandoned, the back was a mess. It was covered in graffiti. A pair of half-filled dumpsters were lined out along the back. Two people were huddled between the dumpsters, relaxing.

Bea recognized one of them. And she was very confused.

"Mae?" Bea called out as they approached the dumpsters.

Mae waved cheerfully at Bea, a smile on her face. "Hey, kids."

"Mae?!" Gregg yelled a bit too loud. "What are you doing here, Mae?"

Mae blinked. Her smile was replaced with a puzzled frown. "What? Dude, you told me to—"

"Hey, Levy, what's this bong?!" Gregg practically screamed.

The huddled up figure in the green hoodie looked up at Gregg. He looked like a mess. His eyes were baggy and lifeless. He looked like he hadn't shaved in months. Also, he smelled like glue. Like, really badly.

"Hey, Craig," he said. Then, he looked at Bea. "Hey, Steve."

It took Bea a moment to figure out that she'd somehow been confused with Steve Scriggins. She and Steve didn't look anything alike. How did you make a mistake like that? The guy was clearly out of it, but still. Weird.

While Gregg fished the bong out of his jacket, Bea exchanged a confused look with Mae. Her oldest friend could only shrug. It seemed like she was as confused as Beatrice.

"Hey, man," Gregg said, "we found this bong at the Party Barn. Someone stole our shit, and—"

"Wait, what?!" Mae blurted out. "The instruments were stolen? When? Who? Why?"

"That's what we're trying to find out," Bea said. "Apparently."

Levy, meanwhile, was transfixed on the bong. Well, not transfixed. But his glazed over little eyes were pretty focused on it. The stoner reached his arm up and wiped his nose off on his sleeve. Slowly, he stood up, and reached out his hand to take the bong. When he wasn't curled up with his knees to his chest, Bea was surprised by how tall he was.

"I saw a bong like this up in Bright Harbor once," Levy said. He turned it over in his hands with surprising delicateness. "Shit's legal there, man. Dunno whose it is, though. Sorry, Craig."

"It's Gregg," Craig said.

"Weed's legal in Bright Harbor?" Mae asked. "Whoa, wait, is that why you guys are moving there?"

Gregg stared blankly at Mae. "No, dude. I already told you why we're moving. It isn't for the weed."

"You don't gotta be ashamed, man," Levy said, handing the bong back to Gregg. "I'd move to where it's legal if I could afford to. You and your dude will probably have a lot of fun in Bright Harbor."

"Yeah," Mae said. "You'll have fun smoking pot and getting sheep tattoos."

At times like this, Bea honestly couldn't tell if Mae was joking or not. She sincerely hoped she was. Mae seemed to misunderstand a lot of stuff a lot of the time, though. It was like a weird gift she had. Although she wouldn't put it past Gregg to get a second sheep tattoo.

Gregg stuffed the bong back into his jacket. He had a serious expression on his face. In fact, it was a little too serious. Like he was trying too hard. "Look, the culprit left the bong at the scene of the crime. Can you tell us anything?"

Levy sniffed, pausing to scratch his nose. "I dunno, man. I mean, I'm pretty knowledgeable about weed culture, and I can tell you for a fact that people don't just carry bongs with them all over the place."

"Oh, hey, that's what I thought," Bea said.

Levy looked at her as if he'd completely forgotten she was there. He blinked a few times, and then continued. "Uh, yeah. Okay. Anyway, it might've been one of the folks off the train or something. I dunno."

"This is garbage!" Mae shouted, throwing her hands up into the air. Bea looked over at Gregg. She expected him to be similarly upset. Instead, though, Gregg had a much harder-to-read expression. Gregg's eyes flicked from Mae, to Bea, and for a moment he looked caught off guard.

"Extreme garbage, yeah," Gregg said. "Man, I'm so upset. I just wanna kick a tree." He nodded, slowly. "We should all go get pizza so I'm not mad anymore."

What was it with everyone in Bea's circle of friends and solving their problems with pizza? "I seriously think we should go tell the cops, Gregg," Bea said. "It might not be too late for them to do something."

Mae winced. Bea had a good feeling she knew why. "If you guys are gonna talk to the cops, I think I'll pass. I feel weird around cops ever since last year."

Levy nodded, seemingly in agreement. "Yeah, I don't like cops. I can't come with you guys."

Bea opened her mouth to tell Levy that this didn't involve him, so they hadn't really expected him to come along. But there probably wasn't any point. Levy seemed like he just kind of did things.

"We'll probably find some cops at the Clik Clak," Gregg insisted. "Anyway, we gotta carbo load if we're gonna report a crime to the cops. Need some cheesey pizza in our bellies. Cops won't respect us otherwise."

"Nothing you just said made sense," Bea said.

"Yeah," Mae said slowly. "But, I mean, all this talk about cheese has me all hungry for some pizz." Mae paused. "Er, I'm calling pizza 'pizz' now," she clarified.

"No, we all got that," Bea assured. She sighed. Why were her friends like this? She loved them, more or less, but still. It was like rounding up a bunch of children, and she and Angus were the parents.

No. Wait. That analogy didn't really work, because Angus was in a relationship with one of their adult children. This comparison was getting kind of gross. Bea decided to drop it.

"Fine," she sighed. "Pizza is fine. But if the cops can't find Gregg's instruments, it's you guys' fault."

Gregg threw up his arms and made a strange howling noise. Bea had heard him make it before. She figured it was some sort of in joke between Mae and Gregg. Either that, or Gregg thought he was a werewolf. Bea didn't think the second one was too likely, but Gregg was unpredictable like that.

Anyway, even if Bea wouldn't admit it, she was starting to crave pizza too.

"… And, like, at the bottom is the worst pizza, but everything else is still really good!"

The group had just finished eating their first slices, and Gregg was finishing up his explanation of the pizza scale. It had come up when Levy had complained about the pizza. He was fairly opinionated for a guy who'd followed them to a diner without asking.

To be fair, though, he at least had money to pay for some of the pizza. That was more than Mae could contribute. And she'd actually been invited.

Bea still wasn't sure why they were eating pizza instead of going to the cops. Sure, Gregg was a little impulsive, but still. Even Mae seemed a little on edge as she helped herself to one of Gregg's leftover crusts.

Meanwhile, Gregg was acting like nothing was wrong. In fact, he was fairly chipper. Out of the four people at the table, he was in the best mood, no questions asked. Mae was on edge, and Levy seemed just kind of… bleh.

"So," Bea said, trying to change the topic of conversation, "Gregg, you guys are going apartment hunting soon, right?"

There was an immediate shift in mood at the table. Gregg somehow got even more excited. Talking about the move always seemed to cheer him up. Mae, meanwhile, had an uncomfortable look on her face. She wasn't happy about Gregg moving; or, at least, she was conflicted. She didn't do a good job at hiding it.

Levy remained completely neutral as he ate a slice of pizza, crust-first.

"Oh, yeah. We're staying in some dumpy motel outside of town while we go searching." Gregg's eyes lit up. "Oh! You guys should tell me what you want! I'll bring you souvenirs!"

"I'd like some saltwater taffy," Levy said.

"Uh… I wasn't really asking you, but okay. I'll keep it in mind, dude."

"Do they have any places that sell, like, samurai swords?" Mae asked. Her mood had turned around a bit. Samurai swords tended to do that.

"Mae, I can't afford a samurai sword. If I could, the apartment would be filled with them," Gregg said.

"Oh." Mae frowned. "Alright, I'll take, like, a shirt, or whatever."

"I'm good more or less," Bea said. "You guys don't need to get anything for me."

"Oh, boo," Gregg said. "Live a little, girl. Jeez."

"Hey, I'm coming down, and I'm starting to realize you aren't Steve," Levy said, as if this was some major revelation. Actually, for him, it probably was.

No one seemed to know what to say to that. They just kept eating. Eventually, when they were done with the pizza, Mae spoke up. "Hey, Gregg," she said, "Why'd you tell me to wait for you behind the Food Donkey? I kinda wanted to avoid that place after last time."

That threw Bea for a loop, and raised a couple of red flags. "What?" She said. "Gregg told me you were off hanging with Germ or something."

Mae looked at Bea as if she'd just grown another head. "Uh, no?" She said. "I haven't even seen Germ today. He wasn't hanging out in the parking lot or anything."

Gregg wasted no time in changing the flow of the conversation. "So, Bea, how's the Pickaxe? Still killing you?"

Bea frowned at Gregg. "Don't change the conversation," she said. "Why did you lie about Mae hanging out with Germ?"

Gregg's eyes darted from Mae, to Bea. He looked nervous. Bea got the feeling that Gregg wasn't a great liar. That made sense; he was a pretty genuine guy. The problem was, Bea had no idea why he was lying.

Thankfully, Levy saved the day for Gregg by blurting something surprising out.

"Hey, so your stuff getting stolen reminded me of something," he said. "Did you guys know Possum Springs had a cat burglar in the 20's? Like, during Prohibition and shit."

Levy's sudden broaching of the subject distracted Bea from her suspicion. She'd remembered hearing something like this when she visited the historical society building back in high school. What surprised her was that Levy knew about it.

"A cat burglar?" Mae asked. "Like, the kind with a whip who flips through lasers?"

"Yeah, but it was the 20's, so the lasers probably weren't super-advanced," Levy said. "But back in the 20's, there were a bunch of dudes making moonshine up here. And I guess someone decided to, like, capitalize on that and steal shit."

"Whoa, that's cool," Gregg said. His nervousness was gone, replaced by sincere awe. "So, Possum Springs had some sort of weird super thief?"

"I mean, no," Levy said. "He stole shit for two years, but eventually someone living up in the hills shot him. Turns out he was some homeless dude from off the tracks. He buried everything he stole up near Possum Jump."

"Okay, I didn't know that part," Bea said. "Why'd he bury the stuff?"

Levy shrugged. For once, he didn't look like a stoner. He looked like a normal dude. A normal dude who happened to do drugs, but still. "I dunno, man. Shit's weird. Like, I think every town in the world is sitting on a crockpot of weird shit. And, like, if you dig deep enough, you'll find that crockpot."

"Wait," Mae said. "I'm confused. This guy buried crockpots?"

"I know a lot of stuff about weird shit in Possum Springs," Levy said. "Like, the Deep Hollow Hollerers, the town's secret society, Little Joe. It's all just interesting, you know?"

"I can kinda get that," Bea said.

"Yeah, Bea's a history nerd," Mae commented.

"I'm really only into history when someone dies or goes missing," Levy explained. "But that's, like, most of history, because most people die."

Bea blinked. "'Most people?'" She repeated.

"I don't know everything," Levy said.

That much was pretty obvious.

After dinner was done, it was time for everyone to head home. Mae had gone walking off on her own, and Levy had just sort of slipped away at some point after the meal. It was down to Bea and Gregg again. Since their homes were in the same direction, they were more or less caught in a conversation.

"Well, today turned out a lot more weird than I expected," Bea sighed. She was trying to light up the new cigarette she had placed between her lips. She was grateful it was staying brighter longer during the day. In winter and fall, when the dark came early, she sometimes had trouble switching on the lighter.

"I dunno," Gregg said. "I think by now we've all had much weirder nights."

Bea nodded. The orange flame sprung from her lighter, and soon the end of her cigarette had a healthy glow. God, she'd needed that. "Mhmm," she said. "I guess this night doesn't even rank in my top ten weird nights. Sorry we didn't figure out who stole your instruments, though."

"Oh, I did that," Gregg said casually.

Bea stopped in the middle of the sidewalk while Gregg continued walking. He stopped in front of her, and turned with a sheepish grin on his face. They were right outside the Snack Falcon; inside, a woman was frantically ringing up an insane number of bags of chips.

"What?" Bea asked. "Wait, so this whole thing was some stupid prank?!"

"No, dude," Gregg assured. "It wasn't a prank. It was a ploy."

Bea wasn't sure how angry to be. On the one hand, her time had been wasted. On the other hand, all she'd really lost was a few bucks spent on pizza. So, okay, Bea wasn't really angry. She was more… flabbergasted. That was a good word for it.

"Why?" Bea asked. "Like, seriously, Gregg. What the hell? I know you do a lot of wacky shit and get away with it, but this was really, really dumb."

Gregg chuckled, and shrugged. "I dunno," he said. "You and me never really hang out. I kinda wanted to, like, bond before me and Angus moved."

That caught Bea off-guard. She wasn't sure if that was sweet, or just really misguided. Probably both? Gregg was kind of misguided in general like that. Weird guy. "You couldn't have just asked me to hang out?" She asked.

"I got the feeling you'd, like, be busy or something," Gregg said. "I mean, if it wasn't for Angus, would you ever even bother hanging with me?"

Bea knew the answer to that question. She didn't really want to answer it, though. Gregg was a nice guy, she knew that. Despite her concerns about his relationship with Angus, she didn't have a problem with Gregg. But she and him were nearly complete opposites.

"So, I came up with a bogus emergency to get you to hang with me," Gregg said. "I stashed the instruments in my apartment, and set it up so we'd run into Mae because I knew you'd hang out longer if she was around."

Bea blinked. "How much thought did you put into this?"

"I mean, as much thought as I put into other things," Gregg said.

That didn't really explain anything.

"Okay, Gregg," Bea said, "I get that you thought that this was, like, a fun, quirky thing, but if you stop to think about it, it was kind of manipulative."

Gregg stared at Bea blankly. Then, a look of realization spread on his face, followed by an expression of shame. "Oh, shit," he said. "Yeah. Wow. This was kind of not a great thing to do, huh?"

"Yeah, like, I'm glad you want to be better friends, but if I didn't know you, Gregg, I'd punch you right in your jaw," Bea said.

Gregg nodded slowly. "Jeez," he muttered. "Yeah, sorry, Bea. I don't know why I do things sometimes. Like, I just get ideas, and I wanna do them. You know?"

"I kinda got that impression," Bea said. She could feel herself calming down a bit. The cigarette was helping. Plus, Gregg was genuinely apologetic.

"Tell you what," Bea continued. "Next time you want to hang out, maybe you could just ask me. And maybe don't ever pull a stunt like this ever again."

"Don't gotta tell me twice," Gregg said with a laugh.

And he never, ever did.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

I love this girl. She make me laugh. She make me smile

And I know she's suffering and I know she's being honest.

But I feel and I understand her frustration and that is what makes me smile.

Y'all gotta watch she goes off on Corona and COVID -19 calling it a her and a she.

Saying she didn't do no wrong and she don't deserve house arrest.

I believe her and I love her for her pure honesty and raw anger and hate for the situation.

I felt that same so many times in my life for aliens and for situations beyond the means of the Earth.

People like her i been worried for. People trying their best But just one day its too much.

I worry because I'm like that myself.

While she seem like... A volcano... Realize she took herself outside. Yelled loud enough so the kids were warned to not approach her she needed her own anger time out.

And she yelled her heart and mind out. She yelled it so strong and powerful.

And for that i am proud of her.

I'm sure she went inside and gave them kids all the love they deserve and juice without making a pool.

You can send your kids in the backyard and play. I see there's a garage open... Let them draw with chalk and get out your pretty hair.

They're bored as you auntie. Idk if you're baby sitting or live in... But it seems like you got someone essential working, or someone other than you that isn't pulling "at home weight" as much as you.

Being in front of the open garage... Laughing a bit at yourself when you said you wanted to make lil girl a pool... Drinking.. Feeling trapped ... Just seems like Some one else is leaving every day and you can't. And if you ask me to look real good you was waiting the last few minutes outside for them to come driving up.

So you may wanna go pick up a Wal-Mart pick up order of grocery. It sometimes is a long line. I looked this morning and its all booked to Monday for my local one. But doing that will keep you in less contact with others thus ideally healthier. Then spin through the drive thru and take the long way home.

There's no law saying the stay at home personnel must stay home at all times. Just limited.

You wouldn't necessarily wanna go in the stores seeing as yoh are the number one to care for the children, auntie. As the germs are more likely to be there. But to do a pick up. Idk who else is doing pick up. We just have Wal-Mart here... But may be others,in your local area. Well pick up you Just verify its your order. Through your car window so it's very limited contact with one person and they load up your groceries and you sit and wait in the car.

At the same time there's no law you and the kids can't go in the store. Its just limited.

It's clear you're not going anywhere. You can go places. Just limited. I do believe you can get in the car and just go for a drive. Just get out in the car and drive wherever. Idk where you live and if they have a ban but here in New Mexico we can drive anywhere in the state. And hotels are still operating. So drive to the next city and get a hotel for a night.

Its okay in many areas to do so. Even in NYC you can book a room.

But if we have to social distance. And we are in our cars following traffic laws and just driving without getting out of our cars. Then we are obeying the rules.

Loop hole baby.

Many of us feel like our cars are as personal as our homes. So #stayhome would be same as #stayinthecar on a nice drive.

And she has a 3 year old. Its a perfect time to show her the neighborhood and let her get familiar with it and how to get to the store. Test the little one

So, then it falls under education.

Loop hole baby.

How a cop gonna be all "you can't"???

Now as long as you remember to say "we're doing this in case you get lost (or kidnapped) or get a ride from your friend's parent that i said you could and you can make sure you can tell them how to get home and/or make sure they're going the right ways to get home"

Then for sure a cop can't tell you you can't.

Just in case neighborhood watch don't recognize your car... And calls you in. And you have the little one repeat the lessons to you because you explain it So in case you do get stopped then they know what they are doing in the car with you. And the SMS if the cop check it will also notify "safe distance patrol" which means all you need is verification you live there. Car registration or ID is preferred. That is for a worried cop. What it does actually signal is "having fun let's join in, too" So, when or if you see the cop you can pull over and they can give you tips on being safe if the cop wants interaction currently they probably will not pull over because of social distancing. But all they're doing is saying "SMS notified action in the area. We want you to know if this happens you're safe"

Because home invasions will often use the victims car, if a a person inside is moving around or the cop senses something not,right they will pull over the car to double check. So an ID is the most preferred method and they will visually check all ID of all adult passengers if they choose but it is recommended.

So make sure you're following laws. Kids are buckled and you're going the posted speed limit.

If you're going to your house then back out and over and over.

This case im speaking would look suspicious. So you drive down to the 711 four times so they can memorize and no one gets out and yoh just keep driving that circle

Its how you need to teach the kids but it would look suspiciously to the SMS computer system and for our safety I don't want to override it.

I'd rather a nice cop check and speak to the kids and thank the adults for looking out for the children's safety and for helping them do their jobs.

Usually a cop isn't in protocol to pull over unless its a wreckless danger. So like if I'm a kidnapper I'm a trip out. And either gonna try to get away from the cop or drive super cautious.

So cops may do some Dick moves around you to check you.

So y'all teaching your kids how to get home safe realize the cop is trying to protect you and realize they are in practice mode they may not think so but you know they are. So they may pull you over and so you have already explained to the car what y'all doing. So everyone should be able to explain it back to anyone.

So otherwise just take a nice long drive to the next town and then turn around and just have a nice drive.

Take time to see sights you don't normally see. Or like say you been wanting to go to the zoo but you're unsure of the drive. Well there's no traffic so you can practice driving there so you learn that way to get there easy.

But #StayInTheCar.

I love this girl in the video so much i made a movement after her.

Remember #DriveSober

So staying in the car does mean drive through!

Get you and your babies a treat. So them Quarentine Loop Hole fries are all jacked up and down under the seat until for eternity.

So y'all Just let your family out. Don't keep your beauties locked in because it's safest. Get a little creative.

So babies with some chalk. Or in the backyard playing ...pick up some balls online... Like Oriental Trading company is cheap and i know that you can get a dozen of a variety of different balls. And jump ropes and all kinds of things delivered straight to your house. Chalk, too.

Now you could stay in your little square in the front yard but i would imagine the back yard is more contained. Something with a fence and that is just for safety and not so much about social distancing But just to "stay in the yard" and not deal with nothing bull shit someone bored can come up with.

So I know

.i been waiting... I been i know people are losing their shit.m. I need to see it so I know what to say or do.

So thank you, ma'am for being so public and raw and straight from the soul and heart.

Letting your frustration out so the dark grainy images of my imagination have a voice and a way to be visible to the needs of the world.

Because I'm not realizing what all is going on every where so i need my Soul Warriors letting it out to be known.

My life i go out and my daughter has been trapped in and she don't mind so much but last night finally i could take her to the gas station just for a minute late late night... We both had to wear masks... She was all "I don't want you getting sick" and so i told her "you need to wear one too"

Which i was glad we did because the car we borrowed is leaking antifreeze into the car and it stinks like Hell and a smoker it makes me cough like Hell so the mask actually helped a lot. So i didn't cough with it on. So after this is all over if i borrow his car youre gonna see me wearing a mask just so i came breathe unless i fix my car... And Idk...

So y'all if you're tripping or tense or even if you're not because you're just trying to chill and cope and Don't realize you're building up a bubble of lava

Switch it up a little bit!!! Y'all are all up in there together you know your schedules. Who does what and who dont do what.

Who don't ever leave.

At least open windows. Something. Switch it up.

Y'all essiential workers coming home to dinner made and a clean house... Y'all gonna come to a volcano one day and don't know why

Then you gonna make it worse all what the Hell? What i do?! You wanna go to work?! I'm doing all i can to keep this home together and you act like that?!

And mother fucker honey. You're gonna get stabbed in the throat.

The shit just builds. This is why I didn't like this plan.

It builds on both sides. Believe it or not the ones going out are worried about the ones at home getting sick. And actually about them being cooped in... Some are.

But i know without a doubt they're loving home cooked meals and the family all home and safe and the house all clean

Hello were in the 1950s

So yo let the adults trapped at home drive the car if they are licensed. Let them capture that freedom..sit in the passenger seat and be the host. Sit side way and make sure the back seat is being good. Talk to them. Give them love and attention

Let that adult box herself in to a space filled with love for the family and her have that freedom at the wheel

Because that is what it is. She/he running that home. You need to give her a break stop them kids from going on about auntie and momma and so on and give them the strong love and attention they deserve. "How was your day?" "You looking how to get to the store?" "What is that street name?"

Just let her be quiet and enjoy the ride.

As women that's all we want.

Control. Lol. And love. Attention. Help. Strength. Patience.

And I know men want the same exact thing.

But we need to switch it up. Add some spice to the bland. Or its gonna taste like lava and not lots of lova.

Y'all know i am the Queen of Lava.

And y'all going out. Make sure you're on time!

But take them stuck in the house out.

I prescribe no less than a 30 minute outing. I saw gas here was $1.58 on the interstate for regular. I know places like California and New York are lots more and i know some places are even cheaper. But point. DNA4U says y'all should be able to afford it. Every where it must be less than $3 per gallon for even premium. Right?

So #StayInTheCar and check out some low cost online shopping. They are essiential employees.

And love yourselves even if you turn into a tornado spewing lava hurricane

And if someone around does. Love them

Help them. Add something they need to your routine.

Its not too late to save a life.