#i'm gonna go study because I still have an exam this week AND I'm due at the lab where I'll start my thesis in september

[twilit-tragedy]

Scientific endeavours making me feel like 😤 today. Not even lab procedures or getting results, straight up interpersonal relationships and task management.

[puffleyia]

After Hours || Theodore Nott

Theodore Nott x fem!reader || 2.3k words

Warnings: Unprotected & clothed sex, p-in-v, Theo speaking some Italian (hope the translations are accurate..) yeah, i'm a sucker for that.

Summary: Exams are two weeks time from now. You've made a deliberate effort to steer clear of your boyfriend, Theo. One unfortunate night, he ends up dragging you into an empty classroom and teaches you a lesson worth remembering.

Author's notes: Hellooo, requests are open ! It's a blast writing ab Theo !! I've only gotten back into writing recently after not writing fics for a good while. sorry if i'm slow at churning out fics. I'm busy!

It was roughly two weeks before examinations, and professors have even stopped giving out homework as to focus students’ time on reviewing for their respective subjects. You’ve been studying your ass off in the library day and night, sometimes offering your friends to join in as well. Though, they quickly get bored as they soon offer to do much more interesting things  than studying such as having a go at wizard chess, or exploding snap.

It took a lot of self control not to join them, and it took even more not to just put down your book and see Theo. You had been purposely avoiding him because he would always end up distracting you, one way or another. You always catch him stealing a glance at you, and you would almost squirm at the way he looked at you; severely in discomfort as the tension between you two only continued to rise due to the lack of interaction.

It felt suffocating to say the least, so you even began trying not to even breathe in his direction. Needless to say, the bastard still had his ways. He would sometimes sneak up behind you in the library, as you pore over the shelves, inviting himself in as he grabbed your waist and buried his face in your neck. Another is when he would attempt to ensnare you right after your classes. 

In the end, you always found yourself ending up hiding away in your common room. You would get past him just by the skin of your teeth each time, as he used his cunning words and a dangerous tone that was like poisoned honey.

You thought, or, more like hoped it would be a quiet night tonight, staying up past curfew hours at the library and praying none of the professors nor prefects would catch you. Though perhaps you were too engrossed in Advanced Potion Making to notice the echo of footsteps that slowly grew louder as it drew nearer to you. Your ears simply blanked it out as mere white noise.

It had not even registered yet in your head until you felt an arm wrap around your shoulder, as someone sat beside you. You didn’t need to look to know who it was, as you could see him faintly through your peripherals. “You’ve been so distant lately, amore,” he says, his tone unhappy and laced with a hint of something else you couldn’t quite make out underneath it. 

“Sorry, Theo, I-I’m only trying to focus on the exams at the moment. I mean, not in a bad way but, if I spend time with you, I’ll only end up distracted,” you say, trying to clarify yourself to him. Maybe it would’ve been a good idea to tell him sooner. He sighs, “I guess I’ll just have to–” he gets cut off as you both stiffen at the sound of someone approaching.

He hastily places a firm hand over your mouth, silencing your protests, and shoves your book, notes, and quill into your arms. Before you could object, he then relocates you two into an empty classroom, hastily and skillfully sneaking around the halls to get there. It looked unkempt, and it seemed as if it were not used regularly either. He finally released you from his grasp as you gasped for air. “Theo! What the he–” you say, as he quickly covers your mouth again. “Shh, you’re gonna get us caught, principessa.” He says in a low voice, in a near-whisper before he lets go again. “Ahem,” you clear up your throat before you speak, “I-I believe I should get going, Theo.” He furrows his brows at that, frowning slightly. You head towards the classroom’s door, before he grabs you by the waist from behind and pulls you in.

“Who said you were leaving, hm? Are you trying to avoid me again?” He says, as he moved the both of you to sit on one of the chairs. You remain in his arms, unable to get out despite your attempts to wiggle out and you end up on his lap. “Theo.” You say firmly, trying to assert yourself to let him know you really are serious about studying. “Mm, fine, since you’re so stubborn. Tell you what, how about I study with you?” He says suggestively, his voice making you feel things you were not supposed to. Not right now at least.

“Really?” You say skeptically, raising an eyebrow. You place your stuff down, with a dull thud as it is placed on the table. Sounding slightly annoyed, he says, “What's with the attitude, hm? Are you doubting me?” “F-fine, then,” you hesitantly agree, knowing he’s got you exactly where he wants to be. Alone with him.

“Brava ragazza,” he says, as he rests his head on your shoulder whilst flipping open your book. You can not help but faintly squeeze your thighs together, you didn’t know most of the time what he was saying when he spoke to you in Italian, but you found it incredibly hot when he did. Your actions do not go unnoticed by him, though he was not going to do anything yet. You pick up your quill, your eyebrows knitting together as you attempt to focus on taking your notes. 

“Tell you what, I’ll ask you a few questions to help you. If you get it right, I won’t do anything. If you don't…” He says, his voice trailing off as he does not continue what he was going to say, though the timbre in his voice gave enough implication. You gulp and nod, your throat bobbing as you swallow. You knew you did not really have much of a say, Theo’s done a good job of cornering you. Not to mention the fact he knew you were slightly struggling with potions, too.

“Right then, amore, can you tell me how Golpalott’s Third Law influences the effectiveness and stability of potions?” He asked amusedly, his foot tapping the floor rhythmically. “Uhm,” you say, muttering in an attempt to answer, “Uh, well, it’s... um, when you have a potion with, uh, lots of different poisons, right? So, um, the antidote... it's not just, um, the sum of... wait, no, it's more than that! Yeah, um…” You begin feeling your mouth go dry as the tension in the room fills the air. You feel your heart thump loudly against your ribcage.

“It’s when you have multiple poisons mixed together in a potion, the antidote needs to be more potent or comprehensive to counteract their combined effects.” He says, cockily smirking as he corrects you. Your breath hitches as he takes off your robes and his, tossing it aside as he hikes up your skirt and gropes you. “Theo!” You gasp at his actions. He buries his face on the crook of your neck, as he breathed in your scent before he began kissing it.

“Cazzo,” he mumbles before he spat out another question, “What are the common ingredients and methods used to counteract the effects of different poisons?” You feel the tent in his pants growing, his cock pressing against your clothed cunt. “I–” You manage to get out before biting your lip, stifling a moan. You had reviewed this, but lust simply clouded your mind for you to formulate a cohesive answer.

“Um, er.. D-dittany, for uhm, venom,” you say, as Theo continued teasing you, grinding his hips upwards so that you could feel his dick. You moan at the friction on your pussy, feeling your panties get wet. “I..” You slur, unable to say anything further. “Cockdrunk already, cara mia?” He lets out a guttural laugh, bending you over the table and grabbing your hips roughly as he continues grinding his cock on your pussy. 

“Don’t forget, Bezoar, for example–” he grunts, “–is a stone found in the stomach of certain magical creatures like goats. It's known for its ability to neutralise many poisons when ingested. Then there's the Antidote to Common Poisons…” He corrects you, adding more strings of information you probably needed. Though, it was not as if you were paying attention, as you were moving your hips hungrily back onto his dick, only being separated by thin fabric. 

“Merda, might as well just fuck you if you keep getting my questions wrong, principessa.” He says, his voice dangerously low as you hear the clink of his belt unbuckling and the distinct sound of his fly unzipping. You look over your shoulder, watching him intently as he pulls down his dark grey boxers and frees his cock. “Theo, please,” you whine, as he smacks your ass and pushes your panties aside. “I thought you were too busy studying? Maybe I should just leave you to that,” he teases you, tapping his dick on your cunt and rubbing it in between your folds.

“No, please,” you plead, and desperately you pressed yourself onto his cock. “Beg, cara mia,” he husked condescendingly, enjoying humiliating you as he continued teasing your wet pussy. “Please, mmhn–” you moan, “I’m sorry, Theo. I-I need it, please, need your cock,” you whimper, flushed from embarrassment as he finally slipped the tip inside you. He pressed inside, at a gruellingly slow pace. 

“Cazzo, una puttana così sporca, aren’t you huh?” You could not place your finger on a single word he said in Italian, but your pussy definitely could. He groaned loudly as he grew impatient, shoving the rest of his dick into you. His groin pressed flush against your ass. You moaned loudly at that, and with a swift motion, he reached out and clamped his hand over your mouth. “Shh, cara mia,” he whispers sultrily in your ear as he quickly silences you, unwilling for the both of you to get caught.

You let out a few muffled sounds against his hand as he began thrusting into you, slowly drawing out his cock as he slammed it back into you with such force that the table beneath you shook. “Such a slut aren’t you? Merda,” He rasped as he uncovers your mouth, “yes!” you say, as he’s eliciting vulgar moans from you each time he fucked his dick back in.

He slithered his hand down onto your pussy, rubbing your clit. He leans in, grunting, as he kisses your nape. He sucks on your neck, trailing down to your back, leaving red marks as he sealed each one afterwards with a kiss. “Ti senti così maledettamente bene, amore,” he groaned, only setting his pace rougher as he hit a particularly deep spot inside you, hitting your cervix. 

“Oh fuck, Theo,” you whine, as you tried to remain as quiet as you could. Your hands firmly grip onto the edges of the table, your nails digging into it, as he fucks you into oblivion. Tears brim at your eyes, as close them shut. Some teardrops cling onto your pretty lashes, and some flow down your cheek, falling down, staining the pages of your book. He loved watching you cry in pleasure, observing your expressions as he drove himself into you.

He loomed over you, using a hand to cup your jaw to force your head to look up at his face. “Open your mouth, cara mia.” He said, an authoritative tone that rolled off his tongue like butter. You oblige, parting your lips, your tongue lolling out as you do. He spits in your mouth, the hand holding your chin clamping your jaw shut afterwards . “Swallow.”

You do as he says, swallowing his spit as he lets go of your jaw and your head hangs down soon after. With that, he fucks you rougher, his pace frantic. You become nothing short of a moaning mess, he returns his hand to your clit and strokes it rhythmically in time with his thrusts. You let out small whimpers and whines as you feel hazy and drunk on his cock. 

Theo, in an intoxicated trance, mutters a string of curses and praises in Italian. You cry out his name in ecstasy with every jab at your sweet spot as he ploughs into you. You feel a familiar warmth pooling at your stomach, only feeling more pleasurable by the second. “Theo, m’gonna cum, T-Theo,” you babble almost incoherently. He leans in briefly, and in a gravelly tone, “Cum on my cock, cara mia.” He says, letting his breath trickle down your neck.

Spasming around him, you dissolve into pleasure as you see stars. You selfishly clench around his dick, as if you wanted to milk him dry. Cumming all over his cock, you quite literally bury your face into your book, in an attempt to muffle the loud moan you let out as you do. 

His thrusts grow languid and sloppy, hips stuttering unrhythmically as his climax nears. “Want me to cum inside you, principessa?” He husked, now digging his fingers into your hips as he chased his high. “Yes, yes, mhn–” you chant, unable to think straight. “Theo, please,” you pleaded. 

With one final thrust, he groans loudly and buries himself fully inside you and stuffs your pussy with his cum. You felt his cock pulsing inside you, both of you panting as he rode out his orgasm. “Fuck, atta girl,” he says breathily, praising you as he pulls out of your cunt. He watches as you softly moan as you feel white globs of cum trickle out of your folds, dripping down your thighs.

He hastily tucks his cock back into his pants, pulling your skirt back in place as he walks (more like carries) you back to your common room that night before he headed back to his. Well, it was safe to say you definitely got nothing done that night, though he makes it up to you the following afternoon by actually helping you study with potions.

[enstarrievalkyrie]

Hihi!! If you're taking requests right now, I was wondering if i could req Valkyrie with a gender neutral reader that's like Mafuyu Asahina from project sekai? Thank you!! ૮₍˃̵֊ ˂̵ ₎ა ( Feel free to ignore or delete if you're uncomfortable with this )

( I love your works sm hshshshs )

Note: I'm having a big exam next week🥲 but I'm also going to a holiday soon so I'm pretty excited😊 Hope you enjoy❤️. I don't play project sekai so if this is not accurate,im sorry😅😅

You didn't exactly choose to be an idol, it just came about ever since your parents brought you to yumenosakin. You didn't really had a choice not like there is any either ways, but that led you to Valkyrie and the meeting of Shu and Mika. The day you arrive to school, not many people tried to talk to you so you solely focused on your studies and idol/ producer work.

Soon, you caught the eye of the infamous leader of Valkyrie. It was pretty awkward when you guys first met but after seeing your skills he recruited you in Valkyrie. Since you weren't in any of the units you decided to accept his request and that's when you met Mika.

Mika upon seeing his new unitmate became more protective of his oshi san he just didn't want his oshi san to suffer anymore ever since Nito. With that, he would take some time to open up to you and once he did, he too became quite protective of you. He just sees Valkyrie as his family and would do anything to keep his family safe.

The more they spent time with you the more they realized how unopinioniated and apathic you can be. You just kinda accept anything that's given to you.

" Y/N chan what do yer think about dis lacing? Do yer think oshi san's gonna approve of this?"Mika said with a hint of worry

"It looks good so maybe," you replied with a monotone voice.

"Negh.... Y/N chan are you ok? Did you suddenly got turn into a robot? Nugh! 😰It's ok don' panic I'll help yer!!"Suddenly his lace work didn't matter. You just smiled at him hoping to calm him down.

Due to your lack of opinions, Shu tends to find himself trying to control you and mika like how he did in the past. After realizing his actions, he would remind himself not to be soo harsh on the both of you. He's still trying to recover from his old mindset so don't blame him too much❤️❤️.

Shu will surely take notice of your lack emotions after spending more time with you. He kinda scolds you for it but in reality he actually cares about you and want to help you get better. "Seriously!! Are you a robot?! Why can't you see the wonders of art?".

You would start seeing the beauty of art probably because of the many years you've spent with your fellow beloved unitmates. This would be after your graduated yumenosaki and work in Es along with Mika.

Since Shu is abroad you guys don't get to see him often but y'all would usually do a group call with Shu talking about his life in Paris and Mika being all excited.

"It's nothing special here except for the multiple museum dedicated to art, however I still can't help but feel...apologetic for leaving the both of your there in Japan."

"Ner, yer don't have to worry about dat oshi san!!😄 Y/N and i are doing fine!!"Mika grinned happily. He waited soo long to have a video call with both you and Shu.😌

" That's right Shu, without any of you I would still be living a life full of darkness. I still yet to thank the both of you for shining your light unto my life." You said smiling. You knew, you knew how hard they tried to make you feel better, to make you feel like human.

Seeing their efforts made you feel happy, an emotion you were first confused about but soon start to get used to it😊. You wish to stay like this a little longer, feeling their happiness seep into you, feeling no need to hide yourself anymore.

[la-galaxie-langblr]

Long post underneath the cut, I basically ramble about A Levels and some new study techniques I'm gonna be trying out over the next few months :)

I'm back from my trip to London with mum (my first time visiting, it was so much fun!!), so now it's time to make a plan of attack regarding my A Levels

My biggest focus will be French speaking - since I was absent from school for the last few days I delayed getting my mark for a little bit, but I know on Monday I'll have to face the music and own up to how badly I did, and then get to work on improving

But I also need to make a solid revision plan for business and maths, and make sure to start revising sooner than Easter. I want to spend my Easter holidays finishing up notes for Unit 2 in both subjects, and doing Unit 1 past papers. If I still have Unit 1 notes to make by Easter then I'll be in trouble. I don't want to overwhelm myself with work during the Easter holidays because I still need rest, I want to make plans with my friends, I'll be doing more hours at work etc

I'm still too shattered to make a solid plan, but basically I have 5 months until the date of my first exam (business unit 1), so every 4 weeks I want to have done at least 2 things to make progress towards the exam, whether it's updating my notes or doing past paper questions on a certain topic, and since I'll be making unit 2 revision notes as I go along (well, I sure hope I will) I shouldn't have too much to do over Easter??

I can use a similar technique for maths, but for French I'll have to do things a bit differently

The exam board is giving us hints for what's on our listening & reading and literature papers, so once I know what those are then I can properly get to work

Speaking. My French teacher is a bit of a wild card sometimes and you never know when he's going to start introducing extra speaking practice - he did that last year coming up to our real exams as well as holding an extra mock - and while in theory it was supposed to be helpful, his scathing criticism every week was not 💀 My biggest problem for this mock was memorisation, or lack thereof, so I'm gonna try a similar 'every 4 weeks' technique and have a couple of standard questions memorised during that period, and if the French assistant gives any advanced notice or gives me a choice of topics to discuss, I'm gonna try choose one I've 'memorised' to test myself.

A final strategy I might try is a variation on 'touch it once' that I saw on a study tips post. The idea in that particular post is that once you get an assignment/have something to do, you should try doing in one go to as much of an extent as possible - eg if you need to send an email, send it in one sitting, do a set of questions in one sitting, do a particular reading in one sitting etc etc and while I like the idea behind it, I know it's gonna be impossible for me without modifying it, so my version is 'touch it once every night until the due date'. Most of my business and maths homeworks are for the next day anyway, but even with test revision this could work. I'm mainly going to be using it for French - if I get a week to write out a set of oral questions, I'll spend the first night bullet pointing what I want to say, language I want to include, pages in the textbook I might want to reference etc, then use the second night to draft Q1, third night writing Q1 and drafting Q2 etc etc

I know this is basically "spread your work out over a period of time" but for me, if something has a Fun Name then I'm more likely to try it.

Here ends my Using Tumblr As A Diary session :)

[yoongisleftearring]

So let me vent rq

I'm dumb and barely went to any of my lectures this semester which honestly didn't even affect me that much except for one subject.

I had a class test and I got a G (since when is that even a fucking grade what?) Anyways that is worth 25% of my grade whoops.

So I had another class test a couple weeks ago and it was a listening test rather than a grammar test which the last one was and I'm honestly not even sure how I did in it because we haven't gotten out grades back. I thought it was fine but the problem is, I also though the other test was fine too so 🙃 that is worth another 25%.

So I basically only achieved maybe 1% of my first assignment, not sure of the second but my track record isn't looking great.

Tomorrow I have another exam, but in a scary exam hall and it's worth 50% of my grade. If I don't pass this I have to repeat and I won't be able to go and study abroad next year. I'm so scared that I'm gonna fail this and it will have all been my fault, like I coulda just went to college and this wouldn't be an issue.

So while I'm stressing over this I have work and a custom portrait commission to work on and an essay due at the same time as my exam that I'm not even attempting to hand in on time because I think my time is better spent studying for this stupid exam tomorrow.

So basically everything = stress.

It's funny because I'm the type of person who can just do fairly well without having to put in much effort so this came as a huge shock to me like ?? I have to put in effort ?? 🤢

I really want to go abroad next year and I need two things: to pass this year and to have a gpa above 3.0 so even if I do pass this but don't do too well it's not a definite thing still but I know I will be so upset if I fail this stupid class because of my decisions 😕

I hope nobody actually read this that's so embarrassing, I'm literally getting an education and I'm lucky but I made some mistakes and not I need to VENT

I better be back once I get my grades to say 🤪 shouldn't even have been worried I'm a brainy bitch what was I even stressing over 😤

We'll see

[mara777]

How to use my time well💓

ପ(๑>ᴗ<๑)ଓ ❤︎ ପ(๑>ᴗ<๑)ଓ ❤︎ ପ(๑>ᴗ<๑)ଓ ❤︎

Time management it's a skill ...well the definition of it is "the ability to use one's time effectively or productively,especially at work"

Example let's say your packing away your clothing but you just dump them and there's still more to put away there won't be any space to put any more so you pack them neatly so there will be a lot more space for you to pack  the rest of clothing. Same goes with time management you write down the things you have to get done into checklist and do what you wrote down writing things down that you need to do is basically you telling yourself that you need to do this.

• Reduce

Reduce your workload

In order to do what's important you have to stop wasting time on what's not important meaning that you don't have to do a 100% of all the task perfectly in order to reach your goal

Let go of wanting a 100 perfect everything by this saying I put this way when you know you have a lot of things to do you feel so overwhelmed that you want to get everything right and it must be perfect just the way you want it trust me it very hard to let go off but you will certainly get there. This may sound harsh maybe but nothing is meant to be perfect you try your best to finish a task not over do it till you are stressed that it wasn't done in the right way or even your too tired to do go onto do something else

Set deadlines for things that needs to be get done this will prevent you from putting of important things you have to do and that you don't do it the night before

Lastly have a proper planning method

My favorite thing to do is to schedule my task

First make a list of everything you want to get done in the day or week or month

Example

[  ] Lab due next week - 1hr

[  ] Study for history exam 3hr

And so on ^^

Secondly estimate how long each task will take you

Lastly schedule in of them in as if they are an appointment with a set start and end.

I love using this method because it doesn't make me feel anxious because I know what time doing and I'm using my time wisely

Batch together small tasks into one

Example you have a bunch of tiny errands to run you do them all at once so its finished and you don't need to worry about it this all can happen in 1hr according to what you have to do

Don't just write the things down that you have to do put your mind to it because your simply gonna watch what you have to do and forget about it.

It take a lot of discipline to use your time wisely and not use time to do unnecessary things but important things that you actually have to do.

Don't procrastinate just start it's not always easy but if you atleast try to use your time wisely for one day I'm gonna assure you that you will get everything done that you need to do in that day

I also recommend you invest in a journal it will help you alot also to gather your thoughts & write down things you have to get done it's useful for so many other things so I definitely recommend you buying a journal. 

[greydiminishing]

spring break is next week (but really it starts Friday 😉), and I just had my last midterm, actually my biggest midterm, that I've been studying hard for nonstop for the past few days, and now I'm in that post-exam haze where it's like, that giant pressure that was on me, that one thing that was my entire purpose for four days is over now. It feels like I can relax now..

except it's only Tuesday and I still have plenty of assignments due, not to mention the CAREER FAIR tomorrow??? I didn't prepare for it as much as I wanted to over the weekend because I was so focused on the midterm. I barely got it together enough to last-minute edit my resume tonight, but.. career fair is tomorrow morning. Editing my resume now doesn't do me any good if I can't get it printed 😭. I'm sure the library is gonna be SLAMMED tomorrow with every student on campus printing their last-minute resumes too.

I considered not even going, everyone is telling me its a waste of time, its crowded and sweaty and stinky and you stand in a line for 25 minutes just to get 30 seconds to handoff your resume and elevator pitch yourself to some recruiter who's brain numb from hearing 80 elevator pitches before you, and do that as many times as you can bear, only to never hear a word from anyone. It's gonna be cold and rainy tomorrow so I'll have to change into my nice shoes when I get there and carry my muddy, wet sneakers, and my wet, bulky jacket around the entire time (unless I stand in an even longer line for a locker rental). My two morning classes are canceled for career fair, and that would be such a great opportunity for me to catch up on the sleep I've been missing. And yeah I'm not looking forward to figuring out how to get my resume copies printed, or what that line to the printer is gonna look like.

But I have to go, on the slim, slim chance that I can make a just memorable enough impression on a recruiter who needs butts to fill spots. I NEED an internship. It would be stupid of me not to go.

It would be so so stupid of me not to go but oh my god i do not want to go.

[fadebolt]

Good news - I'm getting all my college stuff sorted out, and there's only one week left of the midterms, after which, at long last, I will finally be free!

Though today's exam was especially weird, because I kind of got stuck with a really low prep time, and I completely skipped out on sleeping to make sure I'm ready, yet I was still struggling extremely hard, so much so that I had a bit of a nervous breakdown as I was trying my absolute hardest to drag the answers out of my head, but to no avail.

But the prof said I did fine, and let me pass. I would assume that it was partially due to him noticing how much I cared, compared to a lot of the other students that are running around with a bit of an IDGAF attitude... but considering how many exams I wasn't let through in the past, I sort of doubt it (also, college professors are not really the sort of people to give good grades out of empathy). Either way, I'm absolutely taking this, I worked really friggin hard, after all xd.

I'll definitely try my best to be active again once all this is done, as I'll have about a month before exams are gonna start coming in again (and the number of subjects is going from 4 to 6 next semester, so we better buckle up, boys).

I have no idea how some people are managing to keep up with online communities while staying on top of their studies, but I unfortunately lack that talent. I'm just thankful that lengthy break periods exist, because I very much missed interacting with the lovely folks on my monitor and/or mobile screen :D

[mackenzielovee]

my girl (part 4) - rafe cameron

a/n: SURPRISE! I wrote a part 4 ;) i had this idea right after i said i was only doing 3 parts - but this really is the final one! I really hope ya'll enjoy. It's a little shorter than the rest! (not my gif)

Summary: Nope sorry you have to read!

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, kissing, and test anxiety

Word Count: 4.4k

series masterlist

my writing

Your phone buzzing on your nightstand distracts you get again from cramming for your Chemistry final. The exam happens in two days, yet you feel like it might as well be in two hours with the amount of anxiety you have. It's your second year of college, and boy, it hasn't gotten any easier. Thankfully, your roommate is out for the night so you have your entire dorm to yourself to study.

You lean over and check your phone. Another missed call from your fiancee, Rafe. Beside your phone on your nightstand sits your engagement ring. You stare at it for a moment and swallow your feelings, then move back over to your chemistry textbook. Your phone buzzes again - a voicemail from Rafe this time, which you don't bother to listen to.

Chemistry is your focus tonight. Chemistry is what you need to be studying for, what you need to know inside and out. You throw yourself back into it, shutting off your phone when it buzzes yet again. You need absolutely zero distractions.

About twenty minutes into it, you hear a loud knock on the door. You sigh, figuring your roommate forgot her ID or keys again. You pull open the door and sigh, fully shocked when you find Rafe standing at your door. He's out of breath from running inside from the parking lot, and he looks pissed off.

"Oh, good, you're alive," he snaps, pushing his way into your room before you can even invite him.

"What are you doing here?" you ask him, closing the door so none of your nosy neighbors can listen to yet another argument between the two of you.

Things haven't been good. You're sick of him calling and texting you all the time, him begging you to come home, and constantly asking who you're with when you go out. On top of all of that, your classes this semester are harder than they've ever been, but Rafe never respects when you say you need space and time to study.

"Checking to see if my fucking fiancee is breathing!" he shouts, throwing his hands up in the air, "I mean, shit, Y/N, I called you, like, twenty times."

You glance over to the nightstand at your phone, realizing your ring was over there, too. You know he won't like that.

"I shut my phone off. I really need to study, Rafe," you tell him, but he's not listening.

Instead, he collapses onto your bed and puts his head in his hands, sitting directly on your Chem textbook and notes.

"Oh, my God, what the hell? Get up," you snap at him, walking over and pushing him off so he doesn't ruin your notes or textbook pages.

"It's fucking fine," he replies as he stands, barely glancing at your papers.

"No, it's not. I need this shit to pass my exam-" you hold the wrinkled papers up.

"They're literally fine, Y/N," his voice raises, "Stop being so dramatic."

You take a deep breath before you speak again, knowing whatever comes out will not be very nice. You've really been trying to be patient with him, but it's getting harder and harder.

"I'm not being dramatic, Rafe," you say calmly, "I just really need to study and I need peace and quiet."

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck as he debates what to say next. Neither of you want to start a fight, but you both have a lot of shit to say. His eye catches the shiny object on the nightstand and he looks over, figuring out it's your engagement ring.

"What the fuck?" he gasps, picking it up and holding it out to you, "Since when do you take this off?"

You put your hands on your forehead and sigh, realizing this is going to take up a lot of time that you don't have. And the fact that Rafe drove eight hours on a whim because you didn't pick up his calls all day has made you crazy.

"I cannot do this with you right now," you tell him, stepping toward your Chemistry stuff.

You'll just have to go to the library and study if he's going to be here. There's no way you can get any of your shit done with him bitching about your ring.

"Oh, my bad, when can you do it, then?" he rolls his eyes, "Huh? Can you give me, like, a window of time where you're actually available to talk?"

"Rafe-" you start, but he holds his hand up.

"No, because, I mean, I don't hear from you all day, and I'm fucking worried about you, so I make the long ass drive to come check on my soon-to-be wife, and now I'm the bad guy? Yeah, no, I get it now!" he exclaims.

"Jesus, okay, I have to go," you say, grabbing your backpack from the floor and sliding some slippers on.

"Right, to study," he grumbles.

"Yeah, to study," you snap back, "Just because you didn't go to school doesn't mean you can't at least try to understand!"

You rarely raise your voice at him, so Rafe knows you're mad. He stares at you for a second, deciding if he should acknowledge your comment about him not attending school.

"It's not about whether or not I understand, it's about time management," he lectures, making you roll your eyes, "Don't roll your fucking eyes at me."

"Don't show up at my dorm unannounced!" you yell back.

"I wouldn't have been unannounced if you would answer your goddamn phone!"

You take a deep breath and exhale loudly, then step closer to the door. Rafe walks over to you and grabs your arm, spinning you around. You stare up at him like he's crazy, he's never laid a hand on you like that before.

"Put your ring back on," he demands, holding it out in his hand.

"What the fuck is your problem, Rafe? You think I'm gonna get hit on walking to the damn library? Get a grip," you mutter, trying to yank your arm from his grasp but failing.

"I'm not playing," he tells you, holding the ring up in his other hand.

"Neither am I," you snap, "Let go of me."

He stares at you for another few seconds and then releases you, groaning loudly when he does. He steps away from you and runs his hand through his hair, then sets your ring back down on the nightstand.

"What's going on with us?" he grumbles, sitting down on your bed again.

You start to feel bad as you look at him, so you step closer and set your books down on you desk. You open your mouth to speak, to apologize and return your ring to your finger, when he speaks out again.

"Why didn't you answer the fucking phone when I called?"

You close your mouth quickly, swallowing the words you were about to say. You stare at him for a moment, then you decide that it's just best to tell him the absolute, stone cold truth.

"Because I have shit going on, Rafe. I have a Chem final in two days and I'm not at all prepared, I have other finals and an entire paper due by the end of the week, and I have you up my ass about everything in between and it's just a little overwhelming right now."

He brings his head out of his hands and looks up at you. His expression changes from hurt to angry in about one second, so you brace yourself.

"So what do you want me to do to help you, then?" he asks, his voice agitated. You can tell he's trying to be patient, but he really wants to yell.

"I just need you to give me some space right now," you state.

He nods his head, moving his eyes away from yours and down to the floor.

"Space," he repeats, "You want space."

You nod your head slowly, afraid now to speak. You can't tell what his reaction is about to be, but obviously it isn't going to be a good one.

"So, you ignore my phone calls," he holds up one finger, "You take off your engagement ring," another finger, "And now you want space. Do you think I'm a fucking moron?"

He stands up off the bed, now towering over you. Your hands come up to your face, rubbing your eyes to try and relieve some form of stress.

"God, Rafe, you're making this out to be something it's not-"

"Am I?" he shouts, "Do you want to marry me or not? I mean, I really think that's what this boils down to. Am I what you want, or not?"

His yelling combined with your stress and confusion makes you yell back at him.

"I don't know!"

He steps back, almost like you've hurt him, and stares at you with a look you've never seen before. It's anger, betrayal, confusion, and sadness all rolled into one, heartbroken expression. It makes your stomach turn thinking about the fact that you're hurting him.

"Well, there it is," he says, his voice cracking, "I'll just get out of your way, then."

He leans down and grabs the ring from your nightstand, wrapping his large hand around it and then stepping toward the door.

"Rafe, wait," you say, "Where are you going to go? You can't drive home in the dark."

He doesn't turn around, he can't look at you. Not when you're not sure what you want.

"I'll sleep in the truck," he says, his voice weak and quiet.

"No," you protest, "Rafe, I'm sorry."

He stands there for a few seconds, then turns, and you see the tears in his eyes. One has fallen, and rests on the bottom of his cheek. He wipes it away, but not quick enough.

"Why are you sorry? I'm not what you want anymore," he laughs, but nothing is funny.

Another tear falls and you step forward quickly, reaching up to wipe it away. He closes his eyes under your touch, always loving feeling your skin on his.

"I didn't say that," you say gently, tears welling in your eyes from seeing him like this.

"Just..." he trails off, finally opening his red eyes, "Go ace your Chem final. I'll see you at home in a few days."

He reaches up and grabs your hand, removing it from his cheek. He lays a quick kiss on your knuckles, then closes his eyes again when he lets go of you. Not sure if it's his last time feeling you.

He turns to leave, opening the door up before he turns back to you.

"I love you. I always will."

He doesn't wait for your response, he just closes the door behind him. You turn and look at the nightstand where your ring once sat, wishing to God that it was still there. You want to tun after him, but you know you can't. You two just need some cooling off time, you tell yourself. You'll come back again atfer finals when you get home for Christmas break. He'll hold onto your ring for you, you convince yourself of that.

You can't focus. The next day, you spend all your time in the library, staring at a page in your Chem textbook, and all you can focus on is your empty finger. No pretty ring that reflects every ounce of Rafe's love for you. You check your phone, but all you see is an empty screen. Your wallpaper is a cheesy picture of Rafe holding a wine glass. You took it on your anniversary last year and love everything about it, especially his cheesy grin.

Tears start to form in your eyes, so you do what you have to do. You call him. It rings and rings and rings, then you hear his familiar, raspy voice on his voicemail.

Yo, it's Rafe. Leave a message and I might hit you back.

You close your eyes, those two sentences being the most you've heard from him in almost twenty-four hours.

"Hey," you start your message, "Look, I'm sorry about last night. I really want to talk. Please call me back. Love you, bye."

You sigh and hang up the phone, then look down to your book again. You try and try to focus, but you can't. It just is impossible with everything spinning around your brain. You can still see the look on his face when you said you weren't sure, you can still hear him say 'I love you' right before he left.

And it's all you want to hear again.

You slam your book shut and grab your stuff, then make your way out of the library. Once you get outside, you call Rafe again. You hear the same ringing and the same message from his voicemail, so you leave another.

"Baby, please call me. I'm worried about you. I just want us to talk. Please call. I love you."

You hang up and walk back to your dorm, checking every five seconds to see if he's called you back. You really just want to hear his voice, to apologize, and to be able to focus on Chemistry again. Knowing that Rafe is out there hurting is just too distracting.

You call hm again after you get back to your dorm, giving him about thirty minutes to call back before you try him again. When he doesn't answer, you leave another message.

"Hey," you say, your voice sounding more desperate, "I'm going to call Dad and have him come get me. I'm skipping out on my Chem final. I just want to come home and work things out with you. Call me, please. Love you."

And you mean every word. You sit down on your bed and you remember how Rafe had helped you move in on your first day of freshman year. You remember how he made love to you and how he proposed to you in the parking lot before he left. And you remember all the times he came to visit and you two laid in bed and planned out your whole wedding reception together, laughing and joking about who to invite and who to sit together.

As you sit there and remember it all, remember the kisses and the laughs and the feelings you have when you're with him, you've never been more sure in your life. It's Rafe. It will always be Rafe.

You hear a knock on your dorm room door and hop out of bed, rushing over to it. It's him, you hope. Coming to rescue you, coming to hold you, coming to give you your ring back. You pull open the door with a big smile, only to find your roommate, Alex, standing on the other side.

"Hey," she says, looking confused at why you opened the door like that, "Sorry. I forgot my keys."

You drop your shoulders and nod, moving her out of the way. She leaves the door open as she moves over to her side of the room to search for them. You sit back down on your bed, checking your phone once again. He has to call back eventually.

"You're not ditching your Chemistry final."

You look up and see him, standing in the doorway, staring at you. His eyes are tired, his hair is a mess, and he looks like he's hung over. You don't even want to know where the hell he's been for the past day.

"Rafe," you breathe, hopping up from your bed.

You want to throw your arms around him, hug him, and have you hold him. He stops you when you get close to him, holding out his hand to keep distance between the two of you, which practically breaks your heart in two.

"You're not coming home until you take that test," he repeats, "You've been studying for it and if you don't take it, you fail. So, you're staying. I called your dad."

You frown. This is not how you imagined it. He seems colder somehow.

"Okay," you say, "Fine. But I want us to talk."

Rafe shakes his head, leaning against the doorframe. Alex walks up behind you, whispering she will be back later, and leaves with a quick smile to Rafe.

"I'm giving you your space so you can focus. We'll work on us when you're done with the semester."

He sounds firm, but you know you can win this one. You step forward, so close that he can almost feel your skin on his. Your scent fills the air, and you watch as he swallows his feelings.

"Rafe," you say, your voice soft, "I can't focus on anything knowing that I hurt you. I need to talk about us and figure things out. Please."

"Baby," he sighs, and you know you've won just by the return of your nickname. It's your favorite, which is why he calls you it so often.

"Please," you say, taking his hand. Your fingers wrap through his, pulling him inside.

He groans but enters anyway, both of you knowing that he would do anything for you. The door closes behind him, which you're thankful for. You sit him down on your bed and instantly crawl onto his lap, not caring if that's what he wants or not. That's what you need. Your head buries into his chest and your arms wrap around his neck.

"Baby," he says again, this time with more authority.

You bring your lips up to his neck to soften him up, listening to the small moans that come out of his mouth as you work.

"Rafe," you say against his skin, "I'm so sorry for what I said yesterday."

He hums, so you give him a few more kisses on his neck before you pull back to look at him. He stares at you with soft eyes, and you know you've already won him over. But you still need to say what you need to say.

"Truly, baby. I was wrong. I was angry. You are all I want in this world and I couldn't handle any of this without you. I was acting extremely ungrateful and I'm really, really sorry," you continue, watching him smile sadly at you.

"Well," he smirks, moving his hands from your back down to your butt, "I've always known you're a brat, so."

"Hey," you pretend to pout, but really, you just want a kiss. He gives you a slow, gentle one, one that makes you want to melt into him.

"You are the love of my life," he says, "You could never say anything to make me walk. And I'm sorry for being such a dick yesterday and for not respecting your school. I'm gonna get better. This shit is just hard for me, having you all the way here. I just miss you when I'm home."

You nod, reaching up and brushing his hair away from his eyes with your fingers. Even when he hasn't showered, is in the same clothes as yesterday, hasn't styled his hair or even slept well, he still is the most handsome to you.

"I understand. I'm sorry for being so hard on you," you say, kissing him on the cheek.

He smiles against your lips, bringing his hands up to your face to move you down to his lips.

"Are we okay?" he asks you in between kisses.

You hum against his lips, and he takes that as a yes, so he flips you over and lays down on top of you, kissing you like his life depends on it. He quickly moves down to your neck, his hands going underneath your shirt.

"Oh, my God, I missed you, baby," he tells you as you feel him leaving a hickey on your neck.

"Always marking me up," you laugh at him, feeling him smirk against you, "I missed you, too."

"It killed me not calling you back," he continues against your neck, "But I wanted to do right by you, you know?"

You gasp when he bites you slightly, then laugh when you feel his big grin on your neck.

"That's why I love you the way I do," you say sweetly.

He sits up and looks down at you, smirking widely, "Can you love me like you do right now and then get back to your studying?"

You bite your lip and nod, pulling him back down on top of you.

A little while later, you and Rafe lay naked in your bed, just breathing in the other. Rafe is drawing hearts into the skin on your stomach, leaving little kisses every so often on any inch of skin he could reach with his mouth.

"You need to get back to studying," he says, but doesn't stop with his kisses.

"Can I have my ring back first?"

He looks up at you with wide eyes, wondering if you really mean it. He didn't want to bring up the ring, just in case you had changed your mind about the engagement.

"You sure?" he asks quietly.

You grab his chin and pull him up to you, stroking his hair as you give him a couple quick kisses.

"I've never been more sure of anything," you tell him.

He nods and kisses you again, then hops off the bed and pulls the ring out of the zipped up pocket of his shorts. He grins at you and then jumps back in bed, of course landing on you when he does.

"This is a twin bed, you ogre. You can't be jumping and shit, there's not enough room for you!" you say as you try to free your left side from underneath him.

He moves and lets you get situated, then holds out the ring. You hold up your left hand for him ti put it on you once again.

"Will you marry me?" he asks, and you would've laughed at him if his voice wasn't so gentle and nervous.

"Of course I will, Rafe Cameron," you tell him, smiling.

He slides your ring back on your finger and you somehow feel more complete, more whole, knowing it's there.

"It's never coming off again," you tell him, meaning it.

He kisses you softly, "No, it's not."

Rafe takes a shower and then hangs out on your bed on his phone later on to keep himself occupied while you study for Chem at your desk. You ask him to quiz you and he does, even though he knows nothing about Chemistry.

It gets late, so you tell him you'll study the rest tomorrow and hope to be prepared the following day for the exam. You put your book and notes on your desk, then slide into bed with Rafe, who you made stay with you tonight. Although it didn't take much convincing.

"I can't believe your dad is just letting you take all this time off," you mumble against his chest.

"Hmm," Rafe hums, so you know you're wrong, "I've kinda been dodging his calls."

"He'll be mad," you tell him, and he nods.

"I don't care, though. I got what I came here for."

You spend all day the next day studying in the library for Chem and writing your paper, while Rafe packs your things for you. He figures it's one less thing for you to worry about, and then you can just come with him after you finish your exam. He had told you he wanted to be the one to bring you, his soon-to-be wife, home.

Rafe waits for you outside your building on exam day. One by one, students file out of the building, and he gets even more anxious every time you aren't one of them. Eventually, he stops pacing and sits down on a bench, praying that you do well.

He sees you emerge from the building with only ten minutes to spare, and jumps up to greet you.

"So?" he asks, his voice hopeful.

"I won't know for a few days," you tell him, "But I'm confident. I felt like I had most of it under control."

He smiles, taking your hand in his and kissing it, "I'm so proud of you, baby."

You smile and thank him, then put your head on his chest in hopes that he'll wrap his arms around you. With the amount of stress you've been under the past few days, all you want is just for him to hold you right now.

"I'm so proud of you," he repeats, swallowing you up in his arms.

You breathe in his scent and relax, knowing that even if you fail every class you ever take for the rest of your life, you will always have a place in the arms of this boy.

After a few minutes, you move to look up at him by resting your chin on his sternum, staring up at him. He smiles down at you, running a hand through your hair as an attempt to calm you down.

"Take me home, Rafe," you tell him quietly, and he nods.

He reaches down and takes your hand, leading you away from the building. You two go back and grab the remaining items you need to bring home, the rest Rafe already packed in the truck, and then go out to the parking lot to head home.

You feel relieved, ready to spend some quality time with Rafe and really make sure to work on things so that nothing ever gets bad between the two of you again.

He puts you into the truck and closes your door, then hops into the driver's side. He reaches over and takes your hand, staring at the ring on your finger and smiling softly.

"Let's just elope and get it over with," he looks up at you, already laughing because he knows you'll never agree.

"Yeah, I'm glad our wedding is something you just wanna get over with," you roll your eyes, but can't help your smile.

"You know what I mean," Rafe groans, "We don't need all the bullshit and the drama. I just need you. And a minister."

You laugh at him and nod, understanding what he means. He looks down at your hand in his, at the diamond on your finger, and so do you. You honestly can't remember why you took it off, you just know you never will again.

"A small wedding it is," you whisper.

He leans over and gives you a kiss. Then another. Then another. He pulls away and starts the truck, then looks back over a you.

"Baby, I'll do whatever you want."

That sentence combined with the cheesy smile he gives you afterward is what convinces you that, no matter what, Rafe will always be yours, and you will always be his.

Tags: @cmrxac

[miyacreampie]

Lenny sensei's night class has begun!~♡

“Senpai~♡”

synopsis 💭;; Tanaka gets jealous bc some bitch talking to his man.

note 🖋️;; IT TOOK A WHOLE FUCKIN WEEK TO WRITE THIS. WHY DOES WORK ALWAYS PREVENT ME FROM DOING THE THINGS I LIKE? WHAT THE ACTUAL FU- by the way, ‘Isayama Misaki’ is based off of some asswipe I used to know- also, I ran out of ideas at the end, so it kinda cuts of lf at the good part. I apologize to the anon that requested this.

Requested by anon ♡

Male pronouns used

Tanaka wasn't a jealous man. Or at least he'd like to think so.

(Y/n) was pretty popular around campus, so it wasn't a surprise to see a few fangirls here or there. It kinda reminded him of Oikawa—except (Y/n) didn't exactly pay his fangirls any attention. (And he didn't have an ass as flat as printer paper.) But did that stop them from trying to get into his pants? No.

In all honesty, Ryu felt lucky that he had someone like (Y/n) as a boyfriend, although he didn't like the fangirls—who paid him no mind whenever they were together. It annoyed him that they kept surrounding (Y/n) who clearly wanted nothing to do with them, begging him for dates, one night stands, anything.

To say that Tanaka was mildly uncomfortable was an understatement.

🌇🌇

Today was a bit different. Instead of a crowd of women rushing towards (Y/n), it was just one—; Misaki Isayama. The woman (almost) every guy considered perfect. This was...manageable, but what did she want? Well—at least it was only one girl. He had only woken up a little over an hour ago, and wasn't exactly ready for his simps just yet.

“(L/n)-chan, can you help me study for the science exam that's coming up?”

“Just because you're my upperclassman, doesn't mean you can call me that.” (Y/n) said quietly, rubbing his eyes, then yawning. “I'm on my way to the lecture hall though, so maybe after that? I should be fully awake by then..”

Misaki smiled and nodded her head. “It's a date!”

“No. No it's not.”

🏙️🏙️

Tanaka let (Y/n) lean on him during the lecture. That turned into one sided cuddling from the sleepy man. Ryu thought it was cute how (Y/n) always clung to him when he was sleepy. He was a little sad when (Y/n) fully awoke, and let him go, but it was for the best.

“Oh, Ryu-san. I'm tutoring the rumored ‘perfect woman’, and it's gonna be awkward with just the two of us, so can y—”

“You headin to the library? I was on my way there anyway. I'll join ya.”

The (h/c) haired man nodded, and they both walked all the way to the other side of the schoolyard to the library building. Tanaka even held (Y/n)'s hand to flex on the girls they passed by. Some of the girls were noticeably annoyed or a little angry, which pleased him.

When they finally arrived, Misaki was standing by the door. Upon seeing Ryu, she scowled. But it was only for a second.

“Ah, (L/n)-kun..who's this?”

(Y/n) smiled, oblivious to Misaki and Tanaka glaring at each other. Needless to say, the intense atmosphere went right over his head. “This is my boyfriend..Tanaka. He'll be joining us if that's okay.”

“‘Perfect woman’ my ass..the only ‘perfect woman’ I know is Kiyoko-san.” Tanaka mumbled under his breath. (Y/n) may not have known, but Misaki and Tanaka were always competitive with each other. Other times he wouldn't have cared, but now that (Y/n) is what he's fighting for, he wasn't gonna back down.

“Oh, it's fine.” Misaki said through gritted teeth.

🏙️🏙️

Isayama and Tanaka were left sitting at a table alone, while (Y/n) searched for the science books. They sat in complete silence, but it was almost as if you could hear their thoughts—mentally arguing with one another.

(Y/n) returned with three books, seating himself between Isayama and Ryu. “Okay! Let's get started!”

***

As (Y/n) went on explaining the laws of physics (because Tetsurou used to tutor him), Misaki and Tanaka continued their epic staring battle. The battle ended once they noticed that (Y/n) had stopped talking. He was chewing his tongue in thought, trying to figure out how to pronounce a word.

Misaki didn't notice, but (Y/n) had gone from physics, to microbiology. In less than five minutes.

“Something wrong?”

“How do you say this word again..?” The (e/c) eyed man pointed to a bolded word in the textbook, leaning back a bit so the other two could see.

A suffocating silence reigned over the three of them, but only for about three seconds.

Isayama squinted a bit before she spoke. “Endothelial?”

“Oh yeah. Thanks, senpai.”

Isayama smiled smugly at Ryuunosuke. The said man had a visible tick mark (💢) on the side of his head, symbolizing his annoyance. Tanaka only wanted (Y/n) to call him ‘senpai’—even if they were the same age (if not, then (Y/n) might be older). It made him feel like he was a dependable upperclassman, maybe even a bit turned on in certain situations. But hearing (Y/n) call someone else senpai..made him a little sad.

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone vibrating. As Tanaka reached into his pocket to get his phone, he caught (Y/n) putting his own phone in his jacket pocket. Tanaka turned on his phone to see a message from (Y/n) in his recent notifications.

Pretty boy💖: Go to the bathroom. I'll join you later.

Although he was a bit confused, he got up from his chair. “‘M gonna go take a leak.” Ryu said as he started to make his way towards the men's restroom.

Almost five minutes pass before (Y/n) goes into the bathroom after Tanaka, telling Misaki that he was checking on him. As soon as (Y/n) had passed the first bathroom stall, he was yanked into the second one, the door locking almost immediately after it shut behind him. He wasn't given any time to react before he felt a familiar pair of soft lips violently smash against his own. (Not violent enough to make his mouth bleed or anything. Chill.)

A heated battle for dominance arose between the two, (Y/n) quickly taking the lead as he gently bit Ryu's lip.

They didn't want this to end, but eventually Tanaka had to break the kiss because he couldn't breathe. He stood there, breathless in his boyfriend's arms, not wanting (Y/n) to let go.

“Ryuunosuke..” Tanaka flinched upon his first name being said—even though (Y/n) said it many times before. His reaction brought a smile to (Y/n)'s face. “I love you~..” He said, drawing out the three words in a sing-song voice.

Ryu felt his legs getting weak, and held onto (Y/n) for dear life. (Somewhat out of fear that he might fall.) He wasn't actually feeling like this because of three words...right? “Babe..am I supposed to be kinda horny right now?” It was a bit of a strange question, but hey, it never hurts to ask.

(Y/n) chuckled. “Well, yeah. I might have to carry you out of here once we're done.” His warm smile from earlier didn't falter as he spoke.

‘How can he say something like that so casually? If I say something like that, I'd get d–’ Ryu's thoughts were snapped away when he felt his chest touch the stall divider and his pants being pulled down. He let out a soft moan as (Y/n) stroked him through his boxers.

🏙️

‘What the hell is taking them so long?!’ Isayama got up from where she sat, and went to the men's bathroom. There wasn't anyone around, so no one would see her going in. She opened the first stall's door. ‘If they ditched me, I swear to go–’

“W-Wait, (Y/n)!~ Haa!~♡”

“Geez senpai, you're so wet inside~..♡”

Misaki froze. She couldn't be sure that it was (Y/n) and Tanaka in there—but those were definitely Tanaka's pants hanging over the second stall's door. Now she felt more..curious than angry. Isayama slipped into the first stall, carefully and quietly closing the door behind her, and slowly locking it so it didn't make noise.

Ryu tried to keep his breathing steady as (Y/n) fucked him with his fingers—even though that did absolutely nothing to help his current situation. Hell, he couldn't even process words anymore. The only actual word he could say was his boyfriend's name. He eventually remembered how to speak after about two minutes of being finger-fucked.

He wanted to sound more demanding, but his voice came out more whiny than what he'd have liked it to. “Fuck me already..ya fuckin– Hng!~” It may have been that he couldn't process it, or that (Y/n) had moved at the speed of sound, but Tanaka wasn't able to register how fast (Y/n) pulled his fingers out, and shoved his cock into his still tight hole. He wanted to say something, but all that came out was a choked whine.

“You were saying?~♡” (Y/n) asked, though it sounded more like a demand than a question.

Tanaka wasn't given a chance to answer due to (Y/n) ruthlessly fucking the poor man senseless. His loud whines and moans echoed throughout the bathroom, much to (Y/n)'s pleasure. He wanted everyone to know that he was a taken man. He wanted everyone on campus to hear Ryuunosuke's pleasurable cries.

Hearing the two men fucking in the next stall turned Isayama on to no end. (Even though it was more of (Y/n)'s voice that made her wet.) But she resisted touching herself because she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she masturbated to her rival getting fucked. (A kinda stupid reason, but okay.)

“Fu–fuck, (Y/n)!~ So good..it feels so good!~” Ryu babbled, the words almost incoherent as he attempted to push back against his boyfriend's cock. “More!~ Give me more!~♡” He begged, voice broken and choking on his own breath.

The (e/c) eyed man didn't say a word. As his senpai had politely asked of him, (Y/n) drove his cock so deep into Tanaka that the said man let out the loudest drawn out moan (Y/n) had ever heard from him. If it weren't for the cum spewing from the teary eyed man, (Y/n) would've thought he had hurt his lover. He wasn't entirely sure until he felt Ryu continue to push back against him, desperate for more friction.

“Aww..you're so cute when you act like a bitch in heat, senpai~..♡”

He only got a choked whine in response.

“I'm pretty close anyway..do you want it inside?~♡” (Y/n) asked, pulling the shaky man up to his chest. Again, only a whine. (Y/n) parted Ryu's lips with his fingers, those fingers soon being coated in saliva. “Use your words~..”

Finally, Tanaka spoke, despite his unintentional dry heaving. “Fuck me- please~..”

“As you wish~♡” (Y/n) almost whispered, gripping Tanaka's cock firmly, earning another broken moan from the said man. “You're the only person I'd fuck like this, you know that, right?” He said, as he rubbed the shorter man's stomach.

“Y-Yeah..that makes me happy~..”

Lmao this was like- 80% highschool drama (in a college setting), and the remaining 20% being me getting horny for no reason. Also, I'm aware this made no sense. None of the stuff I write makes sense. :)

The class session is now over!~♡

[ongaku-ato-kakikomi]

Hey, ummm I'd like to request a Jess Mariano imagine where reader and him habe been dating for a while and one day they're just cuddling and relaxing and reader starts thinking about school/work and breaks down because they're very stressed. I would really appreciate if you could make the reader gender neutral <3 If you don't have the time or don't want to do it I understand, thank you for your time either way <333

Jess's arms were naturally wrapped around your body as the two of you cuddle on the couch, eyes staring intently at the movie playing on the TV screen. You couldn't help but give out a genuine smile filled with content, your mind slowly registering the movie's story as you lay your head on his shoulder.

"Finals are coming, Georgie! So no, I don't have time to dress up and go to one of your stupid parties! I have a future to think about!"

Those words pouring out of the heroine's mouth as tears prickle in the corner of her eyes are enough to make you lose your smile, a dreadful feeling slowly washing over you. Thoughts of upcoming assignments takes over your mind in an instant, the mere thought of their due dates rapidly approaching making your heart squeeze with an awful amount of anxiety. And the finals are coming soon as well... and you haven't studied a thing yet!

Your body tenses up, your breathing hitching in your throat. Oh, God... you barely have enough time as it is. How are you gonna be able to finish everything on time? You'll barely be able to get a C+ at this point. You're ruined, over. No way you can still have a bright future after you fail a semester, not in such a prestigious college. Hell, your whole family will embarrassed by you, ashamed. What will stop them for desinheriting you?

And Jess? You bet he'll still love you after you fail-

"Hey," He speaks up just as you were thinking about him, a frown of worry on his face as he looks down at your trembling form. "Are you okay?"

You breathe in slowly, your bottom lip slightly shaking. "... no."

He stretches his arm out to grab the remote, putting the movie to a stop soon after. He looks back at you, gently bringing you close to him.

"What's going on?"

You stay silent for a few seconds, barely managing to part your lips. "I'm gonna fail everything."

He frowns in confusion. "Fail what?"

"My assignments, all my exams..." Tears threaten to fall, your lips letting out a shaky breath. "I'm gonna fail this semester, and everyone is going to hate me-"

"Hey, whoa." He stops you right as you were about to spiral into a fit of self-hatred, his hands gently moving up and down your arms to give you comfort. "You're not gonna fail everything. You're smart; you know this."

You give out a shaky sigh, hesitance still all over your mind. "... I guess."

"Tell me," He takes a pause to think, his eyes looking down at you right after. "When's your next assignment due?"

You become silent once more for a moment. "... in two weeks."

"Hm." His lips into a smile, an idea lighting up in his eyes. "And how long do you think it's gonna take you?"

"... I don't know..." A sense of embarrassment takes over you as soon as you realize what he's doing, feeling a little ashamed for panicking just now. "... two days...? Maybe?"

"See? You have time." He slowly pushes a strand of your hair out of your face, trying to hide his amusement as he tries to comfort you. "And if you wanna do some stuff in advance, we can make more time. No problem."

You look up at him with squinted eyes, not liking these feelings of embarrassment swirling inside your chest. "Stop smirking, you jackass."

He gives out a loud laugh at your words. "Excuse me? I'm just helping out my partner, here."

"And feeling cocky while doing so." You squint your eyes even more; though, your expression softens after a while, your teeth gently biting the inside of your cheek as you speak up. "... but thanks. I felt really overwhelmed."

"Well, like I said..." His smile softens, slightly stretching out onto his cheeks. "No problem."

[ranalatus]

Hands.

Albedo is stuck with working on a part of his project that was never really his to begin with all because a member of their group didn't respond to their messages. He's under great levels of stress having this project due the next day and his hands hurt. Luckily, Xiao notices this.

genres: fluff, college au

characters: xiao and albedo (romantic), fleeting mentions of kaeya and kusanali

warnings: none, just lots of fluff

notes: based on a true story. God help me istg I had to do the main story, outline, script AND characters for this project I am going to self destruct (special shoutout to my lovely friends who worked their asses off for this as well, and J if you see this fuck you 😐)

Albedo had just about enough of his studies

He is an honor student, and he heavily prides himself on that. He's the leading candidate to be the batch's graduating valedictorian, not even Lisa Minci or Rosalyne "La Signora" could compete, though their grades are higher than their efforts

But this singular project, piled onto more projects and exams due this week are gonna be the death of him and all his hard work

He runs his hands along his face once more, trying to keep himself awake. The empty coffee cups on his table had long been gone, and if he gets any more all of the coffee in the dorm will run out

Gods know both he and his roommate desperately need it

Said roommate has actually been watching him for a while now, he looks at the clock, about an hour since he got in his bed?

He and Xiao never exchanged more words than a simple good morning or good night greeting, sometimes they'd sit next to each other on the couch while watching a movie but that was about it. They aren't close enough to be friends, but are familiar enough with each other to not be strangers

Acquaintances, then. Albedo hums, it still doesn't feel right though

“Are you gonna sleep?”

Ah, the first words he uttered in the entire hour

“You aren't sleeping either, Xiao.” Albedo smiles, picking up his stylus to continue animating once more

“I,” Xiao clears his throat. “I'm asking you.”

“So am I.”

It's silent for a second, and Albedo thinks his replies ticked his roommate off and he decided he was not worth worrying about

Until he felt Xiao's presence behind him

“What are you even doing at 2 am?”

Albedo lets out a soft laugh, “You need to make more sound when you move.”

“What are you doing?” He presses once more

Deciding to indulge in Xiao's act of.. Whatever this is, Albedo answers as he continues outlining his animation. “Project for ICT, we had to make a whole animation from another project we made for modern literature. If I had known, I wouldn't have let Kaeya make the story so complicated, but Gods know how his mind works.”

Xiao hums throughout all of this, watching the animation turn to life right in front of him. He sits down on Albedo's bed, which is relatively close to his work desk. Albedo's hands move fast, fingers knowing exactly when to double click the screen to undo a mistake or when to angle the screen just right to get the best lines

Albedo's hands are also getting tired, he notes, watching Albedo twist his wrist and crack his knuckles every now and then

This was a weird sight for Xiao, seeing Albedo up at such a late hour. Albedo had a fixed schedule; school, work, studies and sometimes babysitting Klee, but it's all relatively the same. Get up at 8 and come back at 6, study and free time until 12 and it's back to sleep. Rinse and repeat

But seeing Albedo do this and tiring himself, and possibly ruining his schedule, instead of seeing Albedo in bed, sleeping peacefully as the light of the moon from the barely drawn curtains highlights his face, sets Xiao off in a concerning way

“You're tired.” Xiao suddenly says, not expecting the words to come out of him

Albedo hums at this. “I am, glad you noticed.” He retorted, slightly glancing at the mess of coffee cups on his table. It was subtle, but Xiao caught onto it

Huffing a breath, Xiao crosses his arms across his chest. “Don't be sassy with me, go to bed. You can finish that tomorrow.”

“I can't, it's due tomorrow.” The reminder seems to have made Albedo focus more, his body starts tensing up again and his hands are more hurried, no longer the expert and relaxed movements from before

“You can ask for an extension?”

“This is the extension, and you know how strict Miss Kusanali is.”

“I didn't know Miss Kusanali taught ICT,” Xiao delights in hearing Albedo chuckle again, taking on the relaxed stature earlier. Not like he'd show it though

“What does Miss Kusanali not teach, honestly.”

Xiao hums again. Silence befell the two once more, with Xiao watching Albedo's hands complete each frame with ease

Eventually, his eyes climbed higher, noting each and every detail. The pink stain on his white shirt (juice that Klee spilt, he remembers), the diamond birthmark on his neck, and the soft airbrush of his face. Just like his hands, Albedo is expert and relaxed. There's an all-knowing aura to him that just screams "I know more than I let on."

Perhaps this would make Xiao wary if it did not make him oh-so mesmerized

The slow flutter of his eyes brought Xiao back to reality. Right, his mission was to get Albedo to sleep before he wrecks his schedule. What was he doing staring at Albedo like that?

And it seems the man of the subject read his mind, as he let out another one of his airy laughs. “It's 2:30 am and all you've been doing is staring at me. Sleep, Xiao. I'll be okay.”

But Xiao is not who he is if not stubborn, so he stays, resting his elbow on Albedo's desk and his head in his palm

“If you need any help, just tell me. I told you this before.”

Albedo's strokes stop, light blue eyes slowly meeting golden ones

“Told me what?”

Xiao frowns. He clearly remembers telling Albedo a week into living together that if he needed any help, he should call out his name

Granted, Albedo was busy studying with Sucrose, so he probably didn't pay him any mind, (which makes Xiao frown even more, for some reason)

But now it's just them alone, in the middle of the night with just the light of the lamp and drawing tablet to keep them company

Xiao's always been more productive under the moon

“If you need any help,” He lightly touches the stylus in Albedo's hand. “Just call out my name, call for me. I'll help you, no matter what it is or where you are.”

And if only he could feel what Albedo is feeling right now. Tired, yes, but also extremely hyperaware. Hyperaware of the touch to his stylus, and how the touch has moved further down to his own exhausted hands. Hyperaware of the distant beat of his own heart in his ears. Hyperaware of the determined gaze coming from the man next to him, unbothered and all genuine like what he said didn't send Albedo's heart into a flurry and his body feeling more comfortable and safe than it has ever been

He feels safe

So he puts down his stylus, resting his fingers on top of Xiao's. A fleeting touch, but enough for now. Albedo takes a deep breath, letting go of all the work stress piled onto him. Let the wind lead it to wherever for now, and may Xiao lead them further away

His eyes feel heavy and his hands are sore, though the warmth coming from the body next to him is enough to satiate all his needs

The grip on his hand feels tighter, soft caresses and light massages onto it. Albedo smiles, he definitely does feel safe and comfortable around him

“Xiao,”

Xiao hums in response, his voice growing distant but his steady breaths never once leaving Albedo's side

“Good night.”

Albedo only hopes he'll still be there in the morning when he wakes up, right by his side, hand in hand

— Wrote this at 8:40 am with zero sleep and still not done with the project 😍 thank you for reading this self indulgent and self projected work, now if you'll excuse me I need to pass out 👍

[prismatic-bell]

Hi,

This might be a strange question but it's something that's been on my mind recently. Is there any way that gentiles can help Jewish classmates (or any classmates that are religious but not christian) in situations where professors assign homework or exams on holidays? Is that something that we should bring up to professors even if we don't know if anyone in the class celebrates that holiday? Or is there a way that we can support classmates who speak up about needing to given time to celebrate their faith?

I'm sorry if this is awkwardly worded. I just want to know if there's anything I can do in the future to help in those kinds of situations. I don't want to step on any toes, but I also don't want my classmates to feel like they would be on their own if they spoke up. I know it might be difficult to do anything during the pandemic since I don't really know my classmates, so if you have any suggestions as to ways to help after the pandemic that would be great too.

First of all, this is like Allyship 101: “how can I help those who need this help?” So, A+ to you, friend.

The holidays you’re most likely going to run into problems with, at least for Jews (I encourage my siblings from other religions to chime in), will be Pesach and the High Holy Days. Pesach is juuuuuuust before Easter, and I know when I was in college it was quite common to get midterms that week. The High Holy days consist of three days within a ten-day span: Rosh Hashanah, Erev Yom Kippur (which some Jews may refer to as “Kol Nidre,” as this is the main prayer said during that service), and Yom Kippur. You know how there are Christmas and Easter Christians? You never see them in church except on Christmas Eve and Easter morning, but dammit you will always see them on those two days? Yeah, there are Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur Jews. Synagogues will overflow capacity trying to accommodate all who want to attend, and in many cases tickets may be required simply because there aren’t enough seats to safely hold all comers My sister’s synagogue has three chapels, and still has to double up services (as in, every prayer service is performed twice) to accommodate all attendees on these holidays.

I’m Reform, meaning there are a lot of mitzvot I don’t follow. Even so, here are just some of the restrictions I face on Yom Kippur:

--I cannot fast due to medical problems, but I am restricted to very small amounts of plain food (I usually have plain rice and a couple of tablespoons of peanut butter on the side for two tiny meals between services; maybe a small amount of plain chicken). Most people fast from both food and water for 25 hours.

--I can’t wear “nice” clothes. This doesn’t mean I don’t dress up--it means I shouldn’t wear anything that would encourage slouching, lounging, relaxing, etc. The focus of Yom Kippur and Erev Yom Kippur is study, reflection, and repentance--not luxury. You are expected to be uncomfortable. That’s the point.i

--There are five prayer services on Yom Kippur. I’m supposed to attend all of them. (I . . . won’t lie, I often skip the family service. It’s a rehash for the little kids about what Yom Kippur actually is, it’s about 45 minutes long, and it’s usually when I take my second meal.) It comprises about six hours’ worth of prayers, while Kol Nidre evening is about another two. Rosh Hashanah isn’t quite that intense; it’s more like four hours. Again, though, I’m Reform--Orthodox Jews may spend the entire twenty-five hours of Yom Kippur praying.

As you can imagine, the day of and the day after these services, I’m wiped. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to cook. I don’t want to do house chores. I want to rest, and I want to eat things that aren’t plain rice.

So what can you do?

First, I recommend a calendar app. My phone very considerately tells me when the holidays are, because the Jewish calendar is lunisolar and the dates change from year to year. You can also just . . . look up a Jewish calendar online. Keep in mind that the Jewish religious day runs from sunset to sunset, not from dawn to dawn. So for example, according to my phone, today was the first day of Chanukkah. In reality, we lit the first candle last night, because 25 Kislev began at 5:20 on 10 December. Almost all modern calendars will mark the first “full” day of the holiday, not its actual start the evening before, so keep that in mind.

Next, you may wish to ask directly on the first day of class if you see something concerning on the syllabus: “what is your policy for accommodation of religious observance?” IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT THAT YOU USE THE WORDS “ACCOMMODATION OF RELIGIOUS OBSERVANCE.” A secular Jew may wish to go home for Pesach even though they don’t believe in the story of the Exodus, and they should be allowed to do that without having to justify it in the same way as all the “well it’s not really about Jesus anymore, it’s a time for family” Christmas-observers, but that phrase up there is a magical phrase that means they are protected from discrimination if they choose to do that. Make the professor tell the entire class what the plan is. If you have an asshole who says they make no exception for religious observance, you can do one of two things: challenge the professor directly (”sir, are you aware that’s against the law?”), or go directly to the dean or principal. Be aware that you may face some backlash from the professor if they’re particularly petty, so keep an organized copy of all assignment rubrics and what you’ve turned in. That way if that backlash comes out in your grade, you can challenge it.

Now let’s say the teacher was thoughtless. I would like to draw a distinction here between “thoughtless” and “malicious” because as an ally, one is much easier to deal with than the other. “Thoughtless” can be approached thus: the prof tells you all the midterm essay will be assigned next Wednesday. You raise your hand and say “Sir? That’s Rosh Hashanah, people might not be here.” Your prof, who was thoughtless, goes “oh. All right, let me see” and looks over his notes and says “then let’s give the assignment next Monday. You’ll have two extra days to work on it, so make good use of them.” That is a good response to a mistake. A malicious response would basically be “too bad, so sad,” and you should go to the dean. Even if there are no Jews in your class, that attitude will 1) dissuade Jews from taking the class in the future and 2) potentially cause a lot of problems for the school, which the dean would really like to avoid.

Finally: if a classmate speaks up and says those words for themselves, and the professor is less than supportive, this is where you’re gonna have to grab onto your ovaries or testicles or whatever your personal body part of great courage is, and get confrontational:

“Professor, we get off automatically for our holiday. She should be allowed to celebrate too.”

Or even, if needed:

“Professor, that is discrimination.”

Keep in mind that last one may net you a very negative reaction if you have to use it. If a professor is nasty enough to go “I don’t give a shit” when presented with the problem in the first place, they may well be nasty enough to yell at you and criticize you in front of the class. Be ready for this, and realize it is not an attack on your character--it’s a reflection of the professor’s. They know they have no argument, so they’ll just try to cow you into silence. Stand your ground. If you are firm in your defense of your classmate, others may step up. Even if they don’t help you in that initial confrontation, they may offer to be witnesses if you take the matter to the dean. Make sure you introduce yourself to your classmate after the fact, and ask if there’s any further support or help they need. Make it clear that you’re happy to help.

Thank you for speaking up and speaking out. Best of luck to you in your studies!

[btsxmalereaders]

♡ Meant To Be

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x male reader

Fluff ♡ | Requested

Word Count: 2,8k

Masterlist

Don't forget to vote on whosfan and stream

"Aren't you even a little curious about it?"

You've heard this question thousands of times already; yet, the answer for it has never changed.

"No, not really." You shrug while your friend stares at you in disbelief. "Why do you ask knowing my answer?"

"I just had the hope that you changed your mind," Jeonghan says. "You know, out of everyone in our group of friends, you're the only one who hasn't found their soulmate."

You take one last sip of your tea and sigh, "And you're telling me this to make me feel bad?"

"No! It's just... I thought that would make you feel at least curious of the person whose name is written on your wrist ever since forever."

Your eyes immediately go to your wrist, and your other hand covers the name with your sleeve.

"And I still don't get your habit of covering it, as if you don't want us to know." He laughs. "Are you trying to ignore it and expect to find them like people picture it on dramas?"

Inevitably, you roll your eyes, "I don't know what to tell you. I just think that if we're really meant to meet, then it's gonna happen... someday. I'm in no rush."

Jeonghan nods in understanding, "I guess you're right."

"I am always right." You chuckle. "Now keep telling me about Injae, how is it going with her?"

That's exactly the way you would always dissociated yourself from the topic every time you were asked about it. It wasn't something you really cared about, unlike to your friends. You were happy with the way things are right now.

"... we are taking things slow, and it's all going great. I am really happy about it." He puts on a goofy smile and his ears and cheeks quickly covers in a tinted pink.

"Aw, my little Jeonghan is in love, who would've thought?"

"Shut up, who said anything about love?" He tries to act cool, but he's still smiling and feeling nervous.

"Please," You scoff. "That smile tells me you're head over heels about her. And the way your eyes shine whenever you talk about her? Seems like love to me."

"Ha, ha, ha, you really like to make fun of me, don't you?" He sarcastically blurts. "I am dying to see how you're gonna be once you meet your soulmate. "

"Mmh, we'll see about that..."

Just when you're about to continue reading your textbook, your phone buzzes over the table. You already got distracted by talking to Jeonghan when you both were supposed to be studying for the upcoming exams, but you decide to read the messages you received.

"What's better, keep studying or going out to grab lunch with Sihwan?" You throw the question in the air, to which your friend hums.

"Your friend that works at JYP entertainment?" You nod. "I mean, anything is better than studying for socials, so if I were you, I would go."

"You say that because you want to bump into an idol, don't you?"

"If you meet Twice, could you ask them to  autograph something for me?" He says with a pout, making you laugh.

"I am not that lucky." You say and quickly start gathering your belongings to put them on your backpack. "You're meeting Injae later, right? I'll catch you up at the dorm?"

"Sure, I'll see you later."

With that being said, you start walking to the building. Even when your friend has invited you a couple of times already, you couldn't help but feel nervous. That weird feeling in your stomach and the tingling in your skin, like chills. Trying to ignore it, you pass by a nearby restaurant and order Sihwan's favorite food, carrying the bags carefully until you reach the entrance of the building.

After a few messages letting him know you're already there and a few more minutes of waiting, your friend greets you with a smile and a pat on your back, helping you with the bags in your hands and guiding you to the elevator. Unusual, but you don't say anything about it.

"I have more work than usual today, I hope you don't mind eating in my studio."

"You won't get in trouble?" You ask, feeling concerned,  but he only denies with his head as he presses a button.

"Don't worry, it's fine."

You silently follow him, trying to not look at anyone in the eyes when you walk through the hall, all the way to the studio. Anyway, no one seems to be aware that you are a regular college student. Lots of people work in there and it's hard to keep track of everyone in there.

"Come in, seriously, it's okay." He chuckles by seeing how you look around and slowly walk inside. "I've been working on the melody and guide for a new group these past hours."

The door is closed and Sihwan sits on the office chair and signals the sofa behind it for you to do the same.

"You brought food from that new restaurant down the street? Sweet." He says and opens the bag, placing the food containers on the wooden table between you two. "I've been starving."

"Working for a new group, you said?" You ask with interest, grabbing what you ordered for yourself and start eating as well.

Sihwan nods, "A girl group, they've been working hard and will debut soon, I hope you can listen to them."

"I am kinda old school, but for you I can do it, I guess..."

You two continue having a conversation about music and how you've been doing at college while sharing food. The last time you met with him was a couple of months ago, so the conversation keeps going for a while until he decides it's time to go back to work.

"Well, in that case I'll leave you. I've got to go back to study too." You say as you stand up and clean the desk.

"Mmh, okay. Thanks for this, how about we go have dinner next week? It's gonna be on me."

"Sounds great to me. Text me the details later?"

"Sure thing." He promises and smiles. "You know how to get back, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. See you!"

As soon as you step out of the studio, you look around to make sure no one is walking in the hall, so you almost run to the elevator, not expecting that someone would bump into you as they exit one of the offices.

You fall to the ground and start apologizing immediately, feeling embarrassed.

"I am so sorry, I didn't see you." You hear them saying.

"No, I am sorry, I shouldn't have ran here." You say, and as you try to stand up, they're extending their hand to you to help you up.

You take the help and do a reverence as a thank you and clean the invisible dust on your clothing, and as you're about to walk to the elevator, their voice stops you.

"Y/N L/N?"

You stop on your tracks and finally have the courage to stare at them in the eye and realize that it's a guy, and a very handsome one, you must add. Your legs tremble at the sight, clearly stunned by seeing someone so good-looking. Your immediate thought is that he's an idol or trainee.

"Uh, do we know each ot-?"

Your question is interrupted as he shows you his wrist, and that's when you see it clearly. Your name tattoed on his skin.

"I am Hwang Hyunjin... your soulmate."

You're at the loss of words. The only thing you can do is get lost in his eyes staring back at you, looking for whatever to say, but the situation feels unreal. It's like your body is frozen.

"Hey, Hyunjin, is everything okay out there?" A third voice coming from the office brings you back down to earth.

"I am sorry, I gotta go." You quickly say the second he is distracted, running as fast as your legs allow it and get in the elevator, pressing the bottons and seeing him run in the hall one last time before the doors finally close.

You exit the building and walk to the bus stop, looking back from time to time only to realise that Hyunjin has not followed you. With your heart beating like crazy and your hands shaking you get to text Jeonghan to let him know you were on your way back to the apartment and that you had big news. He was definitely not going to believe it.

"Ow! What was that for?" You groan as Jeonghan grabbed a pillow and threw it to you.

"You just ran away?!"

"I panicked, okay? You can't put the blame on me for that!"

"With all due respect, you're an idiot." He sighs. "You met your soulmate and just ran, oh god... What are you going to do?"

"Uhh... nothing?"

Jeonghan grabs the pillow again just to throw it at you, but your hands stop him.

"Okay, okay, I'll do something about it. I'll go see him again!"

"That's a big lie, you say that as if I don't know you." He rolls his eyes.

"Yes, I am a coward. I don't know what should I do, help me." You say with a pout.

"Your friend? He may know him, don't you think?" He states as if it's so obvious.

"Ooh, you're right! I am going to have dinner with him next week, I can ask him..."

"See? It's like the universe is conspiring for you to meet again... Properly meet, I mean."

You stop listening to him as he starts complaining and making fun of the way you reacted earlier.  Your mind is now finding a good way to reach out to him.

"...And I could finally finish that song." Sihwan says with a grin and takes a sip of his beverage. "I was practically isolated and had no proper human contact for a while, so thanks to our talk and delicious food I could finish in no time after that."

You giggle, "Really? Then I am happy I could be helpful, don't forget to add me on the credits."

He laughs at the joke and continues talking, "You didn't get caught on your way out, right?"

"Well... about that."

"Wait, are you serious? Did you get in trouble?" He asks, concerned.

"No, no! It's just that... Do- do you know Hwang Hyunjin?"

It's now or never.

Sihwan seems to think about it for a second, feeling confused. "Yeah, I mean, our team is not working with them, but I've talked to him and his group a couple of times. Why? You ran into him?"

"Yeah, but also..." You lift the sleeve of your shirt, letting him see the name written on your skin.

"No way! Really?" He says with a big smile. "Hell, congratulations! How- wait, why don't you look happy about it?"

"Because I panicked and ran away before I could say something to him." You say and hide your face behind your hands out of frustration. "I need your help, hyung."

"Okay," He chuckles. "Of course, what can I do to help?"

You sigh and take out a folded paper from the pocket of your ripped jeans, looking at it for a second before handling it to your friend. "Could you give this to him?"

Sihwan takes it and nods. "Of course, I'll give it to him as soon as I can."

Now all you have to do is wait.

You plop down in the sofa and stare at the screen of your phone for the millionth time today, feeling hopeless at this point. It has been one week since you asked Sihwan to give that letter to Hyunjin, and ever since, you couldn't help but wait for a message from him, or even a call, despite you don't knowing what would you even say.

"Hmm, you haven't heard anything from him?" Jeonghan asks and sits next to you. You deny with your head and sigh. "Maybe he's busy. I heard his group is going to do a comeback soon."

"A what, now?" You ask, and your friends looks as you in disbelief.

"Don't tell me you haven't looked up for him on internet. I mean, he was in JYPE for a reason."

"Uhh..."

"Oh my god, I swear you are..." He doesn't finish his premise. Instead, he takes the phone from your hands and looks up for his name on the web. "Stray Kids, you didn't look up for him? I can't believe this, are you even on social media?"

"Shut up, let me see this."

You quickly read their information, going directly to the names and pictures of the members, quickly finding Hyunjin and realizing your friend is right. How come you didn't think of it?

"Oh yeah, here says they're releasing an album in a few days..."

"Told you." He murmurs. "Are you still going to wait for him to text you?"

"Do I have another option? I don't think I can go around the building just looking for him, even if I am with Sihwan."

"Hmm, you're right. I hope you can talk soon, though. Imagine this: you and Hyunjin together, we become friends and he gives me a tour in JYPE to meet Twice."

You roll your eyes and stand up, "You're being delusional. I'll go to sleep now, goodnight!"

"That's rude!" He groans and sees you walk away. "I hope you panick and run away again next time you see him!"

The next morning when you wake up, the first thing you do is check your phone, and your heart almost stops when you see a new message from an unknown number.

You go clean your face and take a deep breath to gather the courage you needed to finally read the long-awaited message.

With trembling hands you unlock your phone and click on the notification.

It was no surprise to see how easy was to talk with him. You two started talking on regular basis, when he was free from his schedule and when you weren't studying, which happened really late at nights.

Soon, those thousands of messages became frequent phone calls and videocalls that lasted hours, and to say that you both trusted each other with your lives was an understatement. You were still getting used to the idea that your soulmate was an idol; and it was weird to see him constantly on the internet, as of course you started following every other fan account you found on social media. Hyunjin, on the other hand, was trying to be very supportive of your studies and kept sending you messages of encouragement as well as listening to your ramblings about your career and complaints about your professors.

"So you've caught feelings for him, right? It was about time, Y/N" Jeonghan says with a shrug. "I know some soulmates only work as friends and all that, but it was pretty obvious to me that you'd end up in a romantic relationship."

"Really?"

He nods and smiles. "Of course! Are you going to ask him out?"

"I was planning to, but what if he doesn't feel the same? What if he just sees me as the friend type?"

Jeonghan hums. "Well, I think it's gonna be okay. You're soulmates for a reason, don't you think?"

You hesitate to grab your phone and open the message bar, typing a question and hoping things will go well after pressing the send button.

"Hyun, is it okay if I ask you out?

Like, on a date?"

A few minutes later you receive an answer,  needless to say, you didn't expect him to reply now, so you feel as if your heart is about to make a hole on your chest right now.

Hyun ♡

God, I was really hoping I wasn't the only one feeling this way.

Of course it's okay

I would love to go out on a date with you, Y/N ♡

You now feel at ease, the butterflies flying in your stomach and your body feeling so light as if you were floating. Is that how being in love feels like?

"He said he'd love to go on a date with me." You announce with a smile.

"See? There you go, my plan of meeting Twice soon is going awesome." He says and you give him a deathly glare. "I am kidding! But I have to say, who's smiling and blushing like a dumb right now?"

"Jeonghan!" You groan and grab a pillow to throw it at him, but he's quicker to stand up and walk away, still laughing.

Hyun ♡

Now you're not being shy, eh?

You won't run away from me when we meet?

You're the worst, you text back.

Hyun ♡

I may be

But I am your soulmate, so pretty much you can't get rid of me

He was right, but you were not intending to do that.

Because, now more than ever, you were sure things were meant to be this way. Right next to him forever.

[ckjbun]

Kinda an important notice ...

Hey y'all! I haven't been on here much for the past several months, not sure if you even remember me lol

But yeah, if you do, I've got some things to say...

You don't have to read all of this, there is a TLDR at the end but I just want to use my blog to vent.

Sooo ... In the last few months, my health was slowly getting worse and worse. It started with a blister-like rash on my hands. At that time, I was working in the lab wearing gloves. So I thought maybe it was due to the friction of the gloves on my skin when opening bottles (I had to open a lot of bottles which were under high pressure).

After a while, I became more and more listless, I had no motivation to do the things I used to love like cooking or writing theories. I didn't feel like keeping up with any manga etc.

And then pain started to set in. At the beginning, it was only in the morning. Pain in my joints of my hands. But I ignored it because I had this pain yearly and my doctor always said, "It's probably nothing. You're too young." He was referring to me being too young for rheumatic problems.

I noticed how I started to have problems with concentrating. I started to forget things easily. I started to struggle with expressing myself or with remembering what I was gonna say or do. Much more than usually.

The pain didn't stop with my hands. It spread into my arm muscles and my legs and hips slowly became more and more stiff. It was getting harder for me to stand up.

I still ignored it because "I had no time". I was stressed because of my studies. I had to work on my bachelor thesis and exams. And since my ability to focus declined, I was getting more stressed because I wasn't able to study. I spent days scrolling on social media without taking in any information. With each day not studying, I had even "less time". So I told myself that I will deal with this pain after my exams.

Yeah, I know, stupid right?

The pain peaked after my exams. My whole body was in pain. I was unable to get up from my bed. Every little wiggle of my finger hurt. Every attempt to bend my knees shot me to hell.

I know, it sounds like I'm exaggerating. And maybe I am. But at that moment, I genuinely felt like I would die if I moved.

And then .. it got better!!

The pain lessened. I was able to move. I was overjoyed. I thought I had juvenile arthritis (simply said chronic joint pain due to inflammation). But if my symptoms are getting better without treatment, it's a good sign, right? Right????

Yeahhhh, nope. All the pain suddenly came back two weeks after it was getting better.

And so cold. I was so cold everyday.

So yeah, I spent the last month or more getting sent from one doctor to another. Taking blood and urine tests here and there. Going to the emergency. Taking x-rays and body scans. More blood tests. Trying to figure out what was wrong with my body.

The first time one of the doctors told me something about the test results was on March the 1st, after my first day of work at my internship.

"You have an autoimmune disease."

Yeah, I suspected that.

"It might be Lupus erythematodes."

...

A vague memory of a celebrity announcing they had Lupus surfaced.

Lupus ... a wolf, my latin brain thought.

Of course, I googled it.

"95% of the people with this disease survive the first 5 years. 85% survive the first 10 years."

What about 20 years?? Does everyone die off after the first 10 years???

More google searches.

"Most patients have an almost normal life span."

Relief.

"As long as it doesn't attack your organs."

Panic.

At that time, I had lower back pain for two weeks. Right where the kidneys are. Additionally, I felt a weird pain a little bit above my left chest and in my stomach area.

I might wanna explain more what systemic Lupus erythematodes is. But it's complicated because every patient can have different symptoms and I'm still learning about this disease.

But what it basically does is inflame and cause pain to your organs. Most commonly it affects your joints and skin. If your internal organs are affected, it gets complicated. Even deadly, if it is your kidneys. It can basically inflame any part of your body that's why the symptoms are so versatile.

Often the inflammation occurs in "batches". Inbetween these flare ups of pain, you might have no symptoms at all. In my case, I still have morning stiffness and pain in my hand joints. I also don't have strength in my hands.

What causes these flare ups? UV-light, stress, infections can be very dangerous and probably a few more things I forgot.

But most importantly, most of the patients have a limited "energy reserve". Every, and I mean literally e v e r y activity requires a lot of energy. Normally, I can't remove my blankets on my own because they feel too heavy. So my mom wakes up every morning to help me get up and wear socks.

The thing is, if I overuse my energy, I won't pass out but rather draw from tomorrow's energy reserve. But what happens in the next few days is another flare up of pain. So I have to be very careful.

Fast forward to last week, I finally got the official diagnosis.

Last July, I was in Rome, walking kilometres and climbing stairs up and down the whole day. No big issues except for tired feet.

Now, I'm already exhausted before I even leave the house for work.

It hurts. It hurts me and it hurts my family to see me like this. My family is super supportive. They do so much for me like washing my feet, massaging me etc. All the things that seemed so easily done, suddenly required so much energy. Especially my mom helps me a lot. And I feel so bad because she's not getting younger and I know she has health issues too. I know she's pushing herself.

Most of my friends and relatives keep their distance because they don't want to upset me. But I actually just want one shoulder to cry on. Because I don't want to cry in front of my mom any more. I know it hurts her. So so much.

So yeah, I wanted to tell y'all why I was absent and I will continue to be so. I want to focus on my health and try implementing life style habits that lessen the pain. Not sure when and if I'm coming back.

I've read that for some women it got better with age, so let's hope I'm one of them. I will start medication soon, so let's hope that it will help me and not affect me negatively. Let's hope I will regain the strength to do the things I used to love.

And most importantly, I hope my family stays alright.

Disclaimer: I'm sorry, if I got any medical facts wrong. As I said, I'm still learning about it and there is so much info. I'd be happy if you could correct me. Thanks.

TLDR;

My health declined over the last months. I've been diagnosed with a very rare autoimmune disease. Since I was in a lot of pain, I wasn't online much and I will continue not to be. I want to focus on my health. Currently, there is no cure but maybe I can lessen the symptoms by implementing healthy habits.

TLDR END;

If you read all of this, thank you so so much. It means a lot to me that you gave me some of your time to listen to me <3 but I totally understand if you didn't!!

I'm very grateful to have found this community. The tumblr side of bsd has helped me so much during this pandemic. I'm very thankful for the people I met on here last year. I really hope that life has good things for you and that you stay healthy. I'm sending much love to y'all.

Especially my mutuals. I'm sorry that I haven't interacted with y'all for such a long time. But you really made my last year so much better and I'm grateful for that. I hope you guys are alright.

@n1kolaiz @right-on-the-money @samsa19 @banunuisthebest @elk208 @everyonesfavoritebastard @chazukekani @atalina-falling @emmacifer @pompompurin1028 @agni-skies @justanotherdamnedweeb @boredotaku567 @tunamayuuu

I feel like I'm missing one or two people. I'm really sorry if I forgot you. My memory has gotten worse.

Take care everyone! Maybe I will scroll through my tumblr once in a while and interact with your posts. But yeah, please stay safe!

[sundresstyles]

Part 1

Stella and Harry have been friends for as long as they can remember. They met in fourth grade when Harry and her were sitting beside one another in science class. The teacher gave them both a beaker and was told specifically to be very careful. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned. Harry, being the clutz he is, had accidentally knocked his beaker over so it broke and shattered on the floor between them. The sound of the glass hitting the floor brought silence to the room, and without another thought, Stella had quickly pushed her beaker over to Harry so it would look like she was the one to break it instead of Harry.

The teacher came rushing over to scold whoever broke the glass. Harry was shocked that someone he had never even talked to would do such a thing for him. The teacher had practically yelled at Stella, but she didn't care. That's why she did it in the first place. She knew the teacher's yelling and anger would upset Harry so she took the blame. Harry looked at her dumbfounded, growing guilter and guilter by the second that she had to go through this because of something he did. When the teacher left after giving her a new beaker, Harry turned to her and asked why she did that.

"Why'd you do that? You don't even know me."

She stared at Harry for a moment and shrugged.

"Eh, why not?"

From there on out, they were best friends and the perfect pair. Whenever Harry got picked on Stella was there to stick up for him. She would take a busted lip or black eye from Harry's bullies if it meant Harry didn't have to. Harry was always there for her as well. Whenever Stella was upset, or alone, Harry was right by her side, even if she didn't want him to be. It didn't matter if he was studying for an exam, out with his family, or sleeping, he would drop everything to make sure that girl was okay. Needless to say, they've been joint by the hip since the age of nine.

When Stella found her date to the prom making out with some girl in the bathroom, Harry was her shoulder to cry on.

When Harry was getting cornered by bullies again, Stella stepped in and stuck up for him.

When Stella was wearing white pants and had gotten her first period, Harry gave her his sweater to tie around her waist and later came to her house with a box of chocolate.

When Harry was nervous for his X-Factor audition, Stella stayed up with him all night, helping him practice for the big day.

The pair were a set of twin flames.

And they still are to this day.

Harry and Stella are about to fly home to Manchester for the holidays to see their family today. They haven't been home in months so needless to say, they're very excited. They're staying in New York because that was where Harry's last tour date was and because Stella really wanted to be in New York throughout the holidays and with the both of them being so close, Harry did the same. He had no reason to go back to LA for two weeks when he could just stay in his penthouse living in the same city as his best friend.

"Stella, come on! We're gonna be late!" Harry shouted from the living room of her apartment. Their flight was at 3:30 and it was currently 2:30. With traffic, security, possible fans or paparazzi, they really should have left half an hour ago.

"Oh shut up, I'm almost done. If you wanted to be on time you should have told me to leave half an hour ago so I would really be done by now." It's true, Harry knew better than to expect her to be on time. That girl would be late to her own funeral.

"Stella!"

"Harry!" She mocked.

Harry looked outside the window to pass the time and saw the snow falling so heavily that he could barely see the building across the street. Harry got a sick feeling in his stomach when seeing the downpour of the frozen snow and got increasingly worried. Harry quickly grabbed the remote that was sitting on the coffee table and turned on the TV, then flicking to the news channel.

"Due to recent weather conditions, all flights set for departure between 2:00 pm today and midnight on the 28th of December will be cancelled..."

Harry was on the edge of his seat while receiving such news while Stella finally walked out of her bedroom. "You couldn't wait five minutes? You really had to turn on the TV? I-"

"Shhhhh," Harry cut her off quickly. Stella stopped strolling her suitcase and went over to the couch to sit beside Harry and see what he was staring at.

"All roads will be closed as well due to the heavy snowfall. Please, do not leave your homes unless absolutely necessary..."

"What?" Stella whispered, realizing she would be stuck in New York for Christmas.

"Our flights are cancelled Stell, there's a massive snowstorm," Harry tells her while she looks outside the window, confirming what he said. They both felt unbelievably disappointed. They wouldn't be going home for the holidays. They wouldn't see their family. And Christmas wouldn't be the same.

"Fuck," Stella says.

"Yeah."

"I knew I should have booked the earlier flight. Fuck, this is all my fault," Stella mumbles. "I'm so sorry Harry."

"No it's not Stella, you know that. Don't do that to yourself. You're not mother nature, you don't control the weather," Harry says to her sternly but calmly.

"Right..." she says, not convinced but pushing her emotions to the side to deal with the current issue at hand. "So the roads are closed... you wanna stay here then?"

"Is that... okay with you?" He asks.

"Yeah Harry, of course." She nods. "I'm not gonna lie though, I kind of wishing we were stuck at your place instead of mine," she laughs, Harry joining in just after.

Harry lived farther uptown than Lindsey did. While yes, the two were joint at the hip, they by no means lived together. Harry lived in a penthouse while Lindsey lived in just an average-sized apartment. She had a place in LA, New York, and London, just like Harry... but her homes were more average-sized. She wanted a more homey feel and didn't want a giant house anyways.

"Fuck, what are we gonna do?" Stella sighs.

"Common Stell, we can do it. It won't be that bad," he says while trying to cheer her up. "It will be so cozy. We can light those candles you love, there's wine, we can watch movies!."

Stella sighs, processing his words. "Yeah you're right," she agrees. "Wait I don't even have a tree," she groans.

"You had one last year..."

"Yeah but that one was real so it died," she explains.

"But you were allergic to it so after Christmas you bought a new one because they were on sale," he reminds her.

"Oh yeah!" She nearly yells in excitement. "Okay, so it's in storage then.."

"Let's go get it." Harry claps his hands and grabs her keys so that they can go down to the storage unit. They walk out the door together and take the elevator all the way down to the basement where her storage room is.

"Fuck I hate it down here," she says. "It's so eerie and cold." She crossed her arms for both comfort and warmth.

Harry wraps an arm around her and rubs her arm in an effort to warm her up. "We'll be quick." They find her storage room and stop to see an absolute mess. "So uh..."

"It's a mess, I know." She rolls her eyes. "I haven't been down here in a while so hopefully it's near the front."

"... Okay well..." Harry says before they get to searching.

The pair begin searching the storage room for the box that holds the Christmas tree. After nearly twenty minutes of trying to even get a foot inside the room, they eventually find the box.

"Harry! I found it!" Stella shouts. "Oh! Ow," she says after a loud crash

He rushes over to find her completely trapped between a bike, about 10 bins, the Christmas tree box, and a cotton candy machine. "Wow, I never knew you were a hoarder..." he teases.

"Oh shut up and help me." She reaches out her hand and Harry takes it, pulling her up but underestimating his strength and sending her toppling the other way, only this time she falls into his chest.

Her hands rest on his chest to allow her to stabilize herself after the sudden movement and her eyes stay trained on the area between my thumbs. Once her ears can process his voice she slowly looks up at him to see his brows furrowed and eyes full of concern. When she finally comes back to her senses, she pulls away from Harry so they're no longer touching.

"I- sorry I just..." she rambles, not making eye contact with Harry and tucking her hair behind her ears.

"No uh, it's... uh... the tree!" Harry suddenly shouted out, changing the subject.

"Yes! The tree! I found it!" She says, nearly jumping.

"Great so uh... how do we get it out?"

It took the pair forty-five minutes to get the Christmas tree from her storage room to the front door of her apartment. When they finally got inside the apartment Stella walked over to the couch and threw herself on top of it. "Ah, that was so hard," she sighed while Harry stood in the doorway.

"You barely held it at all..." Harry chuckled to himself

"Oh please," she rolled her eyes. "I held plenty."

"Mhm..." Harry said, bringing the tree from the doorway to the living room. "Gonna help me with this or..."

"What if you set it up and then we can decorate together?" She said staring at him from the couch.

"Why am I surprised?" He says to himself. Harry begins to set up the Christmas tree while Stella micro-manages him from the couch.

"Over to the left a little? No, the other left... ah now the right..."

"Stell, why don't you just get up and do it?" Harry sighs.

"Because I don't want to..." It takes them only 10 more minutes to have it set up perfectly. Just as they were about to start decorating, Stella's phone began to ring. When she picked up her phone and saw the caller ID she was overcome with a wave of anxiety "Fuck," she said. She didn't mean for Harry to hear her curse, but he did and was immediately concerned.

"What's wrong?" He asked, making his way over to her and sitting on the couch.

"My mom's calling," she mumbled. Harry knew her mom and she had a tough relationship, but despite them being best friends, she's never told him the true extent of it.

"Oh? Um... I mean she's probably wondering where you are so..."

"Yeah, I should answer, I know. I'll be right back," she says, taking the call and walking into her bedroom. "Hey mom..." she says, trying not to sound overly anxious over the wrath that was bound to come.

"Lindsey..." she begins and Stella cringes at the sound of her first name. "Why did you not tell me your flight was cancelled? Do you think it's acceptable to not only not come home for Christmas... but not even tell me about it?"

"Mom I'm sorry for not telling you but it's not my fault the flight was cancelled." She tells her mom the same thing Harry told her only moments prior, whether she believes it or not is another question. "There's a snowstorm outside and I-"

"I told you to book a flight for 9 am, but you and your lazy ass didn't want to get up then. How is there fair to me Lindsey? I do so much for you and you can't even come home for Christmas? Jesus I mean I knew you're selfish but I didn't think you were this self-centred to just not come home for Christmas." Stella begins to feel her eyes burn with tears.

"Mom..."

"No Lindsey, listen to me. It is not fair to your siblings, your nieces and nephews, me. I mean after all that we do for you..." She sighs.

Stella felt rage within her body. Her chest. Her hands. Her mind. Her voice.

All that they do... all that she does? Words could not even begin to explain how wrong and hurtful that sentence is to Stella. "What?" Stella whispers, but it wasn't soft. No, it was filled with anger, hurt, sorrow. It was the kind of whisper that could make fear strike through one's body. Yelling when mad was one thing but whispering. Whisper shows the last bit of control of your body has, as if all it can do at that moment is whisper because all other energy is spent on anger.

"What do you mean 'what' Lindsey? We gave you a roof over your head, a family, life. I mean I raised you, took you to all those guitar lessons and other useless shit... and never once have you shown any kind of appreciation."

"Useless? Mom those lessons are what has given me my career. The career that has put your two youngest children through college, has given your oldest a wedding and you a house! I gave you a roof over your head mom. That right there is my appreciation! You gave me the bare necessities that a mother should give so please do not think you have won the mother of the year award." She's yelling now... no screaming. Her voice was filled with pain and anger. Her throat hurt as she felt her voice strain and that lump in the back of her throat begin to form.

"How dare you speak to me that way young lady! I am your mother and you will treat me with respect... that is how this relationship works!"

"Why? Why should I treat you with respect when you only ever treat me with utter shit." Her mother gasps. "I swore... big woop." She rolls her eyes.

"I should not have to earn your respect. I gave you life, you give me respect."

"No." Stella state.

"No?"

"No." She repeats. "You gave me life but you made it miserable," she says, holding back tears. "You said learning guitar was useless and that I should just give up. When I came home from the mall with my first ever crop top you said I was too fat to wear it. You said I couldn't eat carbs when I was 12 because carbs make you fat. You said that you wish I was more like Molly Jenson because she's pretty and gets good grades. When I dropped out of college you said that I made a terrible mistake and will end up homeless."

"You drop out of college to pursue music when you were on your way to earning a Ph.D.! Of course, it was a huge mistake!"

"It was what was right for me mom!" She was crying now. Tears streamed down her face and her voice sounded choked, she didn't let that waver her point though.

"Oh please! You dropped out the first chance you got!" She yelled.

"Yeah, I did. I had the chance to pursue my dream with my best friend and world-famous singer, Harry Styles... it wasn't just a chance mom."

"You did that just to hurt me. Again, you have no respect Lindsey... our conversation makes a full circle."

"How can I treat someone with respect when they've only ever made me feel insignificant, a burden?" She sniffles. The honesty, vulnerable words struck Stella deep in her heart and she had trouble controlling her cries... but she did.

"On Christmas..." her mom sighs and she could only imagine she was shaking her head as well. "If you didn't ruin Christmas you sure have now. I will not continue this conversation Lindsey and I will not be spoken to like that. I wish you well and I only expect to hear from you when you have a well-rehearsed apology ready for me to hear." And with that, the line goes dead. She hung up on her.

Stella stared at the wall across from her for a moment before she whips her phone at it, screaming with force and not even realizing what she was doing before the damage was already done. She looked at the new dent in the wall, then at her phone, and then she dropped to her knees and sobbed.

She had completely forgotten that Harry was even in her apartment so when a pair of strong arms wrap around her she's thrown off at first but soon realizes it's Harry. She feels embarrassed. Embarrassed that he's seeing her life this, embarrassed that he's holding her, and embarrassed that he knows.

Harry and Stella are the closets of friends who know nearly everything about each other. Harry always knew that Stella and her mom had a rocky relationship but never knew how bad. Stella never told Harry how bad it was because she knew her mom was lovely... to everyone but her. She was an angel to her children, grandchildren, Harry, strangers... everyone but Stella. This would always make Stella feel like a burden but also as if she was wrong and being dramatic because no one else understood or could relate.

If my mom is an angel to everyone else, how could she be even close to mean to me... Stella would think to herself, which made her feel like she was only being dramatic.

Stella never told Harry because she always felt wrong. How could she speak ill of her mother? She didn't want Harry to see her differently either so she never told him to protect her mother's reputation.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispers before kissing the side of her head. "I had no idea, Stella."

Stella continues to cry in his arms. It all comes out, everything she's been hiding from Harry throughout their friendship, everything she's kept in.

Harry knows it's bad too because there has only been a handful of times that Stella has openly cried in front of him. She never comes to Harry with her problems. She always keeps them in and Harry knows that. He was always there for her though, even if she didn't want him to be.

There were times where he could see she wasn't okay... or even just sense it, and when those times occurred he would be there for her, never making it obvious that he could tell she wasn't okay though as he knew it would only make her uncomfortable.

That being said, she was still very good at hiding her emotions and lying about how she was doing. She didn't want people worrying about her so she made sure no one did. Little did she know, Harry was always worrying about her, mainly because he knew she was lying.

One of the lies Harry never saw through though was her relationship with her mom. He knew they weren't exactly the closest but he never thought that it was this bad. Her openly crying in his arms proves that.

Harry coos her with his words for the next 20 minutes while she cries, her sobs turning into small sniffles and hiccups over time. Once she realizes what's happening, her embarrassment is overwhelming. She tucks her hair behind her ears and briskly wipes her tears. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"

"Stella stop," Harry says to her, kindly but sternly. "You can come to me, you know that right? Why didn't you tell me? Why'd you keep it in?"

"I-I don't know..." she says, looking away from him. "Because it doesn't matter... it's whatever."

"Stella... talk to me." He picks up her hand.

Stella looks at her hand, then back at him and sighs. "She's upset I'm not coming, thinks I'm selfish and..." she sighs, talking about everything again brings that heaviness back in her chest, "she thinks my career is a mistake and I only dropped out of university in spite of her and just a lot of other stuff I guess."

"How long has it... been like this?" Harry didn't know how to word his question. How do you ask your best friend how long her relationship with her mother has been the equivalent of utter shit?

"I don't know," she shrugs and Harry gives her a look again. "Always... she's always been like this to me."

"Why didn't you tell me, Stell? Why'd you always hide it?"

"Because she's my mom!" She shouts in frustration. "How can I... she's just... UGH! She's my mom, and she's so nice to everyone. Everyone loves her, you, my siblings, strangers... everyone. I love her too but..." she trails off.

"Mhm?" He encourages her to be open while rubbing his thumb on the back of her hand.

"But I don't think she loves me," she says, letting out a gut-wrenching sob after the unwanted words.

Harry brings her back into a hug, consoling her cries. His heart breaks hearing this. "I'm so sorry Stella, so sorry," he says rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head. "Listen, why don't we watch a movie, get some snacks, order take out..."

"The roads are closed, Harry..."

He chuckles, "right... okay, we'll make dinner if you have groceries, if not it's chips and chocolate for dinner."

"That sounds like a lot of fun... thank you," she sniffles.

"Alright, let's get you up," he beings to stand and grabs Stella's hands to help her up as well.

The pair realize she has very few groceries but does have a load of chips and candy in typical Stella fashion. They ended up just grabbing all of the junk food and placing it on the coffee table, grabbing loads of blankets and curling up on opposite ends of the couch, which were not very far from one another.

As Stella grew more and more tired throughout the movies she began to fall asleep on Harry's shoulder. Harry felt her subconsciously nuzzle into him, and when he did he lightly kissed the top of her head and directed his attention back to the movie.

When the ending credits appeared on screen, Harry very lightly shook Stella to wake her up. He would have just carried her to bed, but getting up would have been difficult with her lying on top of him. "Stella, wake up, let's go to bed," he kindly whispered.

Stella lifted herself off of him and rubbed her eyes. "Oh," she said, realizing she fell asleep. "Okay, let's go to bed," she said getting up. "Wait, where are we sleeping? I only have one bed," she said once they're both in her bedroom, still holding the blankets from the couch.

"Oh it's fine, I'll just sleep on the couch," Harry said, taking the blankets so he could sleep out there.

"No no, I'll sleep out there don't worry" Stella stops him and takes the blanket so she can give him the bed.

"Stella, common, I'm not gonna take your bed," he says.

"Okay how about this, tonight you get the bed and tomorrow, I get it and then we just take turns from there? Deal?" Stella proposes, keeping to herself that she was going to do everything in her power to make sure that she isn't sleeping in that bed for the next few days.

"Stella no, you were upset earlier, how is that fair. You deserve a good night's rest," he says, wanting to make sure his best friend was alright.

"Okay, would it make you feel better if I slept in here?" She asked, her hand resting on her hip.

"Yes!" Harry confirmed, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Okay, fine." She takes the blankets and begins to set them up beside the bed.

Harry walks over to Stella to see what she's up to on the floor beside her bed. "Uh... what are you doing?"

"I'm sleeping in here and you are sleeping in my bed." She smiles.

"Nuh-uh." He shakes her head. "H-how is that- no... no you are sleeping in your bed."

"No actually... I'm sleeping here." She sits down and gets underneath the covers, proving her point.

What Stella wasn't expecting was what Harry is about to do next. "Okay." He says. He then walks right over to Stella and gets underneath the covers with her.

Stella looks over to him and sighs. "What are you doing?" She asks.

"Going to bed, goodnight Stella," Harry says.

She looks at him, scanning his face to see if he was kidding or not and once she realizes he's not, she takes a deep breath. "Fine" She rolled her eyes. "Goodnight Harry."

Ten minutes pass of the two of them sharing a very small blanket on the cold floor of her New York City apartment. She begins to shiver but refuses to let him win this small argument. Harry quickly realizes just how cold she is though and puts an end to all this. "Stella you're shaking, common, just take the bed."

"No Harry, the only person in that bed tonight will be you," she says stubbornly.

Harry puts his pride aside for the well-being of his best friend. "How about this, both of us take the bed?"

Stella looks over at him and sighs. "Okay." The two of them get up and into bed, Stella feeling warmer instantly. The pair haven't shared a bed like this since they were nine, and suddenly sharing a bed feels quite odd. They sleep on the very edge of either side of the bed, taking precautions to make sure neither of them is touching one another. "Goodnight Harry."

"Goodnight Stella."

—

Ten Years Ago

Seventeen-year-old Lindsey and Harry sit on the roof of Lindsey's house, a blanket shared between the two of them in efforts to keep warm. Harry was home from tour for the holidays and was spending his time with Lindsey. They were side-by-side, shoulder to shoulder. They couldn't be any closer if they wanted to be.

Harry had always had a special kind of love for Lindsey. He loved her unconditionally, but it wasn't until recently that he realized, maybe that love wasn't platonic. He's always had a bit of a crush on her since he was twelve and always liked the idea of being more than just friends with her, but he never realized that it was maybe more than a small crush. Harry looked over to her and was about to the words that have been on the tip of his tongue since he was 12. "Lindsey," he whispered.

Lindsey cringed at the sound of her name. She hated her name, always has. She only ever heard it from Harry and when her mom when she was in trouble, which most of the time she was. She's grown to associate her name with the feeling of anxiety and has had enough. She looks over to Harry and says what she's been thinking for a while now. "Can you not call me that anymore?" She says just as quietly as Harry had spoken her name.

"What? Why? I love your name," Harry says, surprised,

"I don't, I hate it," she murmured.

"Why?" He asked, surprised.

"I don't know... just sounds bad." She shrugs.

"O-okay," Harry says, not knowing where to go from there. "Well, then what should I call you?" The young girl looked over to him and shrugged again. She had put so much thought into the hatred of her name but never about the replacement. "Okay, what about Estella? Your middle name?"

"Nah, it's too long." She shakes her head.

"Okay... Stella then?" He asks. She looked over to him with wide eyes at the sound of the name, a smile creeping up on her lips. "You like that one?"

"Yeah... sounds like a rockstar... Stella Jones..." She smiled.

"Stella Jones it is then!"

Stella leaned farther into Harry and rested her head on her shoulders. Harry hadn't forgotten what he was going to ask the beautiful girl beside him, he never would, but he had decided to wait. Wait to ask if she maybe, possibly, wanted to be more... more than just friends. Harry never had the guts or confidence to say it, but he finally felt ready tonight. But with the new information of Stella hating her name, he told himself he would wait to do it tomorrow.

She was tired, and he was too. He couldn't ask anymore. He could feel her weight sink into him more and more and she began to fall asleep. He told himself twenty more minutes of peace outside here with her before he woke her up to go inside and then lightly kissed the top of her head.

"Goodnight Stella."