#i'm having a tiny mental breakdown but it's Fine

[mental-breakdown-machine]

I need to go listen to Alvvay's entire discography for the billionth time maybe then i'll be ok

[beomboomboom]

Always by your side

genre: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship

pairing: Jeonghan x reader

summary: Jeonghan wants you to know that no matter how you feel, he'll always be by your side. When you're happy, he's happy. When you're nervous, he's nervous. And when you're sad, he's always going to be right next to you, comforting you.

warnings: mentions of depression and mental breakdowns

note: everyone needs a jeonghan in their lives 😭. Enjoy the fic <33

Jeonghan considers himself to be a very perceptive person.

He knows how you're feeling just by glancing into your eyes. When your eyes crinkle in the corners, Jeonghan knows you're happy, easily making him happy as well. When your eyes start to dart back and forth shakily, Jeonghan knows you're scared and always makes sure to place a comforting hand on your back.

However, today was the first time where he couldn't tell what exactly you were feeling when he looked in your eyes.

Jeonghan was just going to your house to bring you some food and check up on you. You hadn't been responding to his texts lately, so he couldn't help but feel worried.

But nothing could have prepared him for the sight he saw when you opened your front door.

There you stood weakly at your doorstep, your hair a mess, and your face looking like you had gotten zero hours of sleep. But what Jeonghan noticed most was the look in your eyes.

Your eyes looked so...dead.

"Hey, Darling! Missed you so much," Jeonghan says once he catches sight of your figure. Giving you a small smile, he quickly cups your face in his hands while placing tiny pecks all over your face, smiling softly at your little giggle that you let out in response. He then pauses his kisses and simply holds your face carefully while paying close attention to your facial expressions. "Are you feeling okay? You can be honest with me."

Your eyes widen in surprise at the abrupt question, but you quickly cover it up. "I'm fine," you say while making the biggest smile you can muster, hoping desperately that Jeonghan will just leave you alone so you can continue your mental breakdown in peace.

But Jeonghan notices.

He notices that your smile is definitely not a real smile. Your eyes aren't crinkling in the corners like they normally do. Instead, your eyes stay the same shape, only your mouth moving to form a smile.

He doesn't know exactly what you're feeling, but he knows you're definitely not feeling just "fine".

"Let's go inside hm?" Jeonghan suggests warmly while leading you back in your house with his hand on your back.

Once inside your house, you quickly shut the door and go to the kitchen to prepare Jeonghan a cup of water.

"Oh, I'll just put the food on the kitchen table," Jeonghan says once he catches sight of your figure getting out a jar of water from the fridge. But right as Jeonghan places the bag of food on the table and is about to take a seat at the table, he hears a loud crash from the kitchen.

"Oh no! Is everything okay? Are you hurt?!"Jeonghan questions worriedly as he runs to the kitchen, his face faltering when he sees the situation. All around you is broken glass and water, remnants of the jar of water you were holding just a few seconds before.

"O-o-oh, I'm so sorry," you say, your voice shaking, as tears begin to well up in your eyes.

The second Jeonghan sees your tears, he quickly goes to your side and gives you a reassuring hug, letting your tears soak into his t-shirt. "It's okay. Accidents happen."

"I-I'm really sorry. Here let me clean this mess up." you say hurriedly as you crouch down and reach for the piece of glass closest to you.

"Ouch-"

You drop the piece of glass the second you see a big splotch of dark red appear on your hand. "Oh my gosh, I can't do anything right today. I'm sorry. I'm really so sorry," you mutter, distraught, with even more tears welling up in your eyes.

"Hey, hey. It's okay." Jeonghan says gently. "How about we clean up your cut, I don't want it to get infected. And don't worry about the kitchen, i'll clean it up later. Okay?" Jeonghan then places his hands on your cheeks and tucks a piece of loose hair behind your ears. "It's going to be okay," he states with a gentle smile as he uses his thumb to wipe your tears away and caress your cheek.

He then wraps your arm around his shoulders and slowly stands up to help you walk you over to the living room where he gets out the box of bandages.

As you're sitting on the couch, you silently watch Jeonghan wrap up your finger. His gentle fingers wiping the alcohol wipe on your cut, trying to make you feel the least amount of pain as possible. His tounge poking out of his lips, trying to make sure your bandage covers your entire wound. His worried but loving eyes looking you in the eyes when he's done.

Tears begin well up in your eyes at the thought of the amount of love and care Jeonghan gives you in something as small as helping bandage your cuts. "Thank you so much."

Jeonghan simply smiles in response and then rubs your knee soothingly. "of course. I'm always here for you, okay?"

Jeonghan's words seem to move something within you and suddenly the tears that you have been trying to hold back this entire time, finally escape.

"I'm so sorry. I-" you start to say once your tears start to stream down your face. You try to hurriedly rub your tears away, but they just keep on falling.

"Hey, what's wrong? If you don't want to tell me right now, you don't need to. But if you do tell me, i'll listen," Jeonghan says gently as he looks you in your eyes and uses his fingers to brush away some of your tears.

"I've just been-" you begin, then take a small shaky breathe before continuing, "I've just been feeling kind of empty lately. It feels like I'm wearing a mask, where on the outside I pretend to be all happy. But on the inside, I just feel like I'm in a big empty dark place all by myself. And no matter how loud I yell or how hard I try to make noise, no one can hear me. I don't want to keep on living like this. It's so hard....I just want to be happy."

After you're done sharing, you nervously lock eyes with Jeonghan.

To be honest, you're scared about how Jeonghan will react after you shared how you've been feeling. Will he brush all your feelings off? Will he leave you after he realizes all the things that are wrong with you?

But to your surprise, Jeonghan simply looks at you with a fond smile. "Thanks for having the courage to share with me. We'll get through what you're struggling through one step at a time, together." He says while interlacing his fingers with yours and giving you a reassuring smile, before continuing on saying, "Whenever you're struggling, I'll always make sure to be by your side. You don't have to suffer alone, I'm here too. I'll always be willing to listen to you, okay?" Jeonghan says while swooping you up in a tight hug.

"How did i get so lucky to have you in my life?" you whisper with a faint smile in Jeonghan's ear as your arms tightly wrap around him.

Jeonghan simply lets a small giggle in response before smiling in contentment at the fact that you're in his arms. "No, I'm the lucky one."

[gay-jesus-probably]

it would be really funny in hywar for ruto and darunia to recognize the "hero of termina" but probably be confused because why is he tiny. wait there's more of them. okay i guess this isn't the guy we know (it is)

Oh yeah, I'm thinking Ruto and Darunia are 100% onto him, BUT they're the adult timeline versions, so they haven't seen the baby Hero of Time in years, so they're not 100% sure if that's actually him, or if the kid just happens to look like him. Besides, the kid says he's just the Hero of Termina, and the Hero of Time definitely didn't scowl that much when he was younger so... they're suspicious, but not confident enough to try and address it. And since all the sages except Sheik ascended into non-existence or something after sealing Ganon, Ruto and Darunia must have been pulled from somewhere in the middle of OOT, so they're used to the teenage Link, and unlike Sheik they have no reason to think he's going to return to being a kid. So as far as they know, it makes perfect sense for the Hero of Termina to just have a strong resemblance to how the Hero of Time looked when he was younger... but man are they ever identical.

Mask avoids them like the plague, because he knows they could bust him... and he also knows they're basically going to die shortly after they go home. He really doesn't have the emotional bandwidth to try and deal with that, so he just keeps his distance. But Ruto and Darunia are having many quiet debates in the background about "is that our Link or not". They are constantly pressing X to Doubt.

(Marin is also a solid member of the Press X To Doubt club, because she's like 90% certain that Ravio guy's voice is identical to her Link's, and even though she can't be sure with all the robes she thinks they might also have the same build, and the few glimpses she gets of the bottom of his face looks like Link... but also he doesn't seem to know her at all, and is just generally acting kind of off, so she's just... not sure what's going on there, but it bothers her. And she doesn't even have anyone to compare notes with.)

Also, please consider for a moment that Ganondorf knows basically nothing about the whole Majora's Mask debacle, so he only knows Mask as being the Hero of Time, and could out him literally by accident. I have this mental image of Ganon attempting to do a big dramatic showdown, only for the mood to thoroughly ruined by Mask frantically cutting him off mid-sentence, because if he gives any details right now, Mask is fucked. The exchange is something like "We meet again, it's been awhile, Hero of T-" "TERMINA, YES, that's me, how about we stop talking right now and try to kill each other instead". Ganon then delays the boss battle to try and work out what the fuck is going on, and also because Mask's obvious panic is hilarious to him.

(Meanwhile Captain Link knows that something is up, but he is literally always having a minimum of three simultaneous mental breakdowns at any given moment, so he's pretty happy just not acknowledging his suspicions that Mask's real hero title is very well known, he really doesn't need more stress in his life. He's trying so hard not to hear the extremely incriminating argument Mask and Ganon are having, and trying even harder not to connect the dots and realize what Mask's real title is. He's not succeeding. After that particular battle, he goes back to his tent and spends a solid ten minutes screaming into his pillow before he can successfully repress the knowledge that he's been fighting alongside the literal Hero of Time and affectionately referring to him as a demonic little gremlin. As long as Mask doesn't acknowledge it, he doesn't have to either, so it's fine. Everything is totally fine.)

[strqyr]

I sincerely believe that the reason why Qrow is unaware of his team's problems is not only because he didn't realize it, but because he saw the love triangle that was forming and turned away without wanting to be involved in it, especially if his sister is in it.

i also feel like. okay i have some thoughts about strq and in what order things happened that's largely based on the tiny crumbs we've gotten, but i don't think any actual romance / getting together was happening until their 3rd or 4th year, and by that time qrow was too busy getting married to his job to either notice or give a damn. or both.

i mean he was probably very focused on becoming a huntsman and not flunking out of beacon and worrying about his own semblance and problems from the start to notice what the experts-at-hiding-their-problems crew was up to, ya know? if they weren't having a mental breakdown then in qrow's mind they were probably fine.

this team is such a mess and i'm so excited to see that mess get unraveled bit by bit.

[freelanceexorcist]

Some more comments on the demo.

I'm not able to play it because I don't have a PS5 and there won't be one in the cards for a while, but I at least found a good, thorough playthrough that didn't have some streamer yammering over the dialogue, so that will have to do.

I'm writing as a I watch, so there's gonna be a lot here.

Cut for Rebirth spoilers (and a Game of Thrones one) and length.

-I loved seeing Sephiroth act and speak so casually! Back then, he really was just a guy, huh?

-And holy crap, is that seriously Caleb Pierce doing the voice of Shinra Security Officer Who Is Actually Cloud? Kinda on the nose, but I like it. Maybe in Cloud's dumpster fire of a psyche, not only does he remember being the SOLDIER 1st Class, but he remembers Zack as being the security guard.

-OMFG, Master Zangan! LOL, this fuckin guy. Three seconds after meeting Cloud he's feeling him up! And man, he's got some huge Patrick Warburton energy going on.

-Only three beds in the room at the inn? Guess one of the boys is gonna have to double up with Sephiroth.

-Let me just state for the record that I really like Cloud as a character. That said, when he was a teenager? He was, uh...a wee bit of a creeper. His favorite spot to hang out just happens to face what I assume is Tifa's bedroom window. And what does he do when he knows he's alone in the house? Goes into her bedroom and starts going through her stuff. At least the ladies called his ass out for that this time, because that sequence never did sit right with me.

-I'll bet Sephiroth was ready to buy Random Villager Guy a drink. RVG keeping those looky loos and stans away like a champ! He even had to keep them away from the INN! I really understand why he wanted nothing to do with the "hero" role. Yep, let Genesis go be the Taylor Swift of the FFVII-verse and see how HE likes it.

-Tifa is so tiny next to Sephiroth! Then again, everyone is. Dude's a freakin' TANK.

-Wow, that photographer's an even bigger asshole this time around. Seriously, dude? Taking a picture not only without Sephiroth's permission but when his back is turned?

-The "oh...FINE!" body language when Cloud asked, though.

-And I reiterate. Sephiroth. SUCH a bro here. All I hear is Clark Kent when he talks.

-So it just occurred to me that Sephiroth was deliberately the first one to fall in the river because he knew he'd have to save everyone and he didn't even know how far of a drop it was. That bridge collapsed under the sheer weight of his balls.

-And his horror and devastation at losing one of his men will never not gut me. Everyone was dry by the time he got back, so you know he was out there looking for that dude for a LONG time, too. That's a huge change from "sorry for your luck, pal, but we have a mission to finish." That's what makes his tragic fall all the more inexplicable. In the OG, his coldness had you thinking "yeah, I can see this guy having a Face-Heel Turn easy." But here? With him so protective of those weaker than him and his emotional investment in his people? You don't go from that to "burn them all," even when a severe mental breakdown is involved. I may talk more about this later. ("Oh. Yay." --everybody)

-*Sephiroth has joined the party*-

-Serious question: is there anything in the lore that I missed that states there's no PPE that can protect from mako? Because when Sephiroth said "mako this thick is very dangerous," I thought "maybe bring some respirators next time then?" Yeah, probably no NIOSH rating high enough to filter out spirit energy.

-Yep, definitely no love lost between Seph and the sperm donor.

-Yeah, Barret, it's not making a whole lot of sense to me either at this point.

-"Am I even...human?" Fuck. It's going even harder in Rebirth.

-And the library sequence. Double fuck. The rage in his voice at the end. The madness. And that strange breathing after he glitched? I'll bet he was trying to fight off Jenova and he failed. Sorry, Vincent, but I think Seph is the one that should be able to take out Hojo.

Aaaand that's enough self-imposed psychological torture for the day. I can't watch what comes next.

Jenova used his anger, his devastation and his sleep deprivation to get a toehold. Which makes me think, what if in the trilogy's lore she started piloting him? No, I don't mean controlling his mind or even heavily influencing him? What if she's using him as a vessel? I mean like the deities, angels and demons on Supernatural. She's driving the boat now, and he's in the back of his mind screaming, because he's aware of the things she's making her new meat suit do and he can't stop it.

I'm not trying to let anyone's dirty rotten CGI girlfriend-ganking butt off the hook here if anyone wants to accuse me of that sort of thing. I'm merely saying that burning a village full of innocents is not the actions to expect from the Sephiroth we've come to know in the demo. Yes, he's a SOLDIER who has probably had to do some very unpleasant things under orders, but there was no reason for this. Going from zero to genocide straight out of the blue is inexplicable, I don't care how bad the mental breakdown was.

It's just the only thing that makes sense at this point. People like him get angry, sure. They rage, sure. They swear vengeance on the people who wronged them, sure. But they don't kill innocent people because of it and in such a horrific way. At their most violent, they may find Hojo and try to see how loudly and for how long he can scream.

Bog standard villains don't get this kind of "good guy" lead up to their nefarious deeds, and he's getting that treatment big time from both Rebirth and Ever Crisis. That's usually only reserved for the Chaotic Neutral and redeemable types that were supposed to like. There's nothing in that backstory so far to suggest that he was capable of a Nibelheim-level mass murder. Sure, there's headcanons that he was just a fuse waiting to be lit, but nothing official even hints at that. This came out of NOWHERE.

Maybe I'm not seeing the big picture or whatever, but the extreme change in behavior, the senseless violence...why would FFVII do that to the audience? To torture us? That's just cruel. Even Game of Thrones didn't do the audience that dirty with Danaerys Targaryen (if you didn't see her Face-Heel Turn coming from a mile away, you were watching a different show than me, because she was always a Heel. She just brutalized people who had it coming until King's Landing.).

And I'm out. If you've managed to stick around this long or even read this at all, thank you. If you want to argue, please save it for another day because I'm REALLY not in the mood. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go drink. A lot.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

I've my isc chem board exam tomorrow (today?) at 2PM I'm panicking and this is the only thing that I can think to do

Advice? Help? Thoughts? Prayers?

Hey anon maggot I've got you. First, breathe, okay?

My (CBSE) chem board exam was on my birthday when it happened. And I hadn't prepared properly at all due to various health things. I was stressed out and miserable. But guess what. It went fine.

I promise you, the boards aren't the life-changing, life-defining, be-all-and-end-all exams that the Indian system keeps making us believe. I know it's hard to agree with me right now. Everyone told me the same thing and I was still so stressed about it.

Remember these things, okay?

These exams are not competitive exams. They're not trying to weed out people. They're made so even the students who barely grasped the material can still score enough to pass. You will get marks. It's inevitable.

Also, try and write the answers in the way those buggers want it, such as adding steps to calculations, ensuring the format with chemical reactions, including formulae and keywords. It's less about how right you are and more how you are right about it.

These exams are really not going to affect a lot. If you're in the science stream, odds are you're more relying on some kind of competitive exam for entrance to whatever course you're studying. These courses usually just have a minimum percentage needed in the boards.

Even if you are using the boards for entrance into colleges, remember that you have studied, and they're easier than people make them out to be. I swear they are.

Now, I know worst case scenarios might crop up in your brain, and in that case look. Even if you fail, there are retakes. Even if you can't do the retakes, there's a provision to write them again the next year.

Again, these exams are going to be really easy compared to your internal assessments. Schools structure them that way so that their students do well in the boards and their own credibility increases. What's going to be more important than your preparation is that you sit there calm enough to write down what you know, check for mistakes if you have time, don't short-circuit your brain with panic and make avoidable errors, and most importantly, leave feeling okay. Yeah?

There's nothing wrong with being worried, but don't let it get out of hand. You're worth so much more than one stupid exam. Please take my word for this, I've learned the hard way. The next three paragraphs are my personal story, and if you don't have time to read it, feel free to skip it, I'll make my point after.

That chem board exam of mine? I got 99%. And guess what, I still took a gap year because the exam stress of NEET and the boards landed me in the fucking hospital with steroidal injections the week before the NEET and I couldn't take the exam.

I spent the drop year studying myself to literal breakdown for the NEET. And then I realised the week before NEET that fuck, I didn't actually want to do science anymore. The NEET exam was on my birthday, again. I wrote it, because the exams had nearly killed me and I wanted to just write it to get closure. The next week, I got into a design school.

And three months into design school, I dropped out. Because of intense bullying, harassment and isolation by every single student in the small college including the dean because of my mental health and queerness. I loved the course and the material, and I'd been performing well, but I had to drop out anyway. A month later, I got admission into a much more well-known design school for next year. But now I'm not sure I want to do on-campus education anymore, because of how every aspect of my identity will have to be hidden to survive.

The point? There are so, so many factors that they don't tell you about on how life will go and where you'll end up, what you'll study and who you'll be. The boards are a very, very tiny part of that. Honestly, all exams are just one part of that. An important part, sometimes. But not by any means the only. I did extremely well in my exams, even with health issues, and look at my college dropout ass two years after the boards. And yet I'm still really happy, and my career is not doomed.

This may be more than you wanted. But I think it's something students need to hear. I don't want people to be driven to the brink, landed in a hospital like I was, because of a few fucking scores.

As for your exam, well, again: stay calm, and then you'll remember everything. Neuroscience proves that, by the way. It also proves that all the information you consciously or unconsciously absorbed throughout the year will spring up unexpectedly and help you.

It'll go well. I promise. It'll all go well for you.

All the best, my maggot. Take all the love and wishes. I'm rooting for you, always. And I'm so proud of you already. Yeah? Good :")

Love, Asmi

[chiefbeifongcanrailme]

hey it’s me again

may we have a few little excerpts with lin/zekou that have no effect on plot bc we really miss this fic and it can give you some ideas what to do with main story

hope i don’t bother u with this but im really obsessed with you and soul so it’s like drugs to me and i have a breakdown if i won’t be able to read smth about this wonderful man

HI HO FRIENDO!

In all honesty, it's not like I don't know where to go with this fic or that I'm stuck at a certain plot point? It's kinda like when you like something so much you crave for it to be perfect? I have the chapter outlined out, most of written but I've gotten nowhere with editing it. So I keep putting it off🫠🫠.

But, you're right. I just checked and it's been a while since I've updated it and that is so not okay. I can't promise, but I'm really going to try and have Soul be the next thing I post.

For now, however, I can give you a bit of Lin/Zekou excerpt, as you asked. It's really rough.

To set the scene: Lin and Zekou are walking down the empty streets at night and they've both had quite a lot to drink.

I just don't wanna give away too much of the plot. So enjoy this out of context Lin/Zekou😌

I hope you like it!

"You're like Bumi with a brain."  She said snidely.

He guffawed from beside her, "The highest of compliments, Chief! Are you always this affectionate?" 

Lin rolled her eyes but gave him a tiny smirk, "Yes."

Zek was pleased with himself. He got half a smile from her for the first time that evening. 

"How do you show affection?" 

Lin's brows joined at the strangely personal question, "I'm too drunk for this conversation with you, Zekou." 

He laughed but affirmed politely, "I think you're just drunk enough for it." 

She decided to amuse him, it wasn't as if he was going to leave her alone until she got home anyway, "I show affection by not strangling people when they deserve it " 

But he only laughed harder, "I mean, I know a few who'd be into that." 

"Shut up." She rolled her eyes again, but this time it was to hide her levity.

"Fine," He beamed amiably, "I still think you're an affectionate person, you just have different ways of showing it." 

"Thanks, Doctor Zekou for the mental analysis." She scoffed and shoved him away from her,  

"You're really funny." He cackled and made his way back beside her.

He hugged his arm and pressed on the bicep slowly. Quite the mighty lady this Chief was. But when he looked over at her face, she looked at him like he had offended her. 

"My home's right there, " His eyes shifted with hers to the door at the side of the street, "Now leave." 

He snickered softly at her curtness. He followed behind her and leaned against the bricked wall as she made her way to the door. He observed the contraction and expansion of her trapezius muscles as she unlocked it with a pair of platinum keys. He continued watching her, counting the scars, each telling stories she would never divulge.

[kentucky-fried-thea]

Falsettos, my beloved

yay!

before i do this, I am a Jewish homosexual

ok so a huge Cube, whizzer, marvin, mendel weisenbachfeld (that is honestly the most jewish name I have ever heard) and jason are on stage. they are all (minus the Cube) dressed as miscellaneous biblical characters, and sing a song containing the word 'bitch' 72 times and counting. the song ends with them saying they are Jewish, ending in whizzer shouting "Half Jewish!", then take off the costumes to reveal normal clothes, while Trina collects the costumes in a laundry basket and reminds them that she also exists.

the Cube is taken apart to represent each scene as needed. this is universal throughout act one, so I'm not gonna mention it anymore til act 2.

marvin is trina's husband and jason's dad. more importantly, he's a weatherman. he explains that he really wants a tight-knit family, then immediately cheats on his wife with whizzer. he and whizzer are kinda concerned that they're falling out of love, although its likely the weight of reality is just crushing down on them (or something)

oh and also trina goes to a psychiatrist bc her marriage is imploding and his name is Dr. Mendel Weisenbachfeld (could this man get any more Jewish I s2g) and then marvin goes to the same psychiatrist and mendel the simp basically just asks him about trina because he wants her or smthn idk man

then jason has an identity crisis and calls his dad a slur and everyone tries to make jason also go to the psychiatrist because everyone in this family is fucked up and basically jason shows favoritism to whizzer, forces mendel to make a house call, and mendel's tiny dick explodes

then whizzer gets fed up with Marvin's bullshit and tries to break it up and trina has a mental breakdown featuring a knife, a banana, and a safety hazard

so then mendel comes over to give jason his therapy and jason basically pulls an uno reverse and therapies mendel into proposing to trina, and mendel does so with a really shitty bible analogy featuring Biblical Times

then the guys sing a song so high into their falsettos I wouldn't be surprised if their warmup is kicking each other in the balls, and trina is like 'these geeks are so immature' oh also the guys are wearing glow in the dark socks and spinny hats

then marvin loses a game of chess to whizzer and his superiority complex is broken so they break up, and trina and mendel move in together and set a date for the wedding and marvin is so butthurt he slaps trina in the face and then everyone has a therapy circle and basically forget about it. oh also jason officially comes out as straight and marvin promises to be a good dad (he's already failed)

act 2

hey look, the Cube is back! it's arranged in a precarious array that kinda looks like a house, Nancy Reagan is in there somewhere, the guys in the band are acknowledged, and cordelia (caterer) and charlotte (doctor), spiky lesbians, are introduced, and then the Cube pieces fall. oh also its been two years. and marvin is still into whizzer.

jason's bar mitzvah is being micromanaged, then he has a baseball game and sucks very much at baseball. turns out he invited whizzer, and when he shows up, marvin hides from him like a child, then makes fun of his hairline and somehow snags a date. Basically everything is fine and dandy and peachy keen and jason officially has three dads and three moms. then jason gets cold feet about his bar mitzvah and dr mendel is back at it again with the poor bible analogies informing him that everyone hates his parents

marvin and whizzer are sleeping together, and while whizzer is asleep, marvin is like, 'weird how I really love him, huh?' and charlotte discovers AIDS. marvin and whizzer's competitive streak returns for racquetball, but then whizzer collapses (bc he has aids)

at this point, the Cube is no longer a set instrument, and now there whizzer is in an actually hospital bed, and reality is looking over everyone's shoulder and whispering expletives into their ear. everybody tries to lie to whizzer and say he looks great, but then jason goes in and just fucking wrecks him.

jason really wants whizzer to be at his bar mitzvah but he's in the hospital, so he considers canceling it. then marvin climbs into bed with whizzer and they agree that they are an apple fucking an orange. also, charlotte is very concerned about whizzer's state. You Gotta Die Sometime deserves her own paragraph so here we go

Whizzer spends 3 minutes and 3 seconds fantasizing about gay shenanigans with the likes of Death himself. He is literally flirting with Death. In the homosexual way.

anyways

jason decides to hold his bar mitzvah in whizzer's hospital room, and then directly after, whizzer dies. then marvin has a vision of whizzer from beyond the grave and they sing to each other about how much they love each other. then mendel sings a song that makes me cry, and the Cube returns. a slice of the Cube is used as whizzer's gravestone, and jason places a chess piece, specifically the queen, on his grave

thank you so much for this one, I really enjoyed writing it! if I got something wrong or I missed something, feel free to mention it!

like to create a Cube, reblog to inflict a Cube upon others

[trans-cuchulainn]

So about your post about seeing a psychologist, I legit had my psychiatrist today tell me they thought I had been formally diagnosed with ASD... Which is literally never a thing anyone has ever said to me, mentioned, nor have I been diagnosed with. I'm now very confused. 🙃

Anyway, suffice it to say, mental health and neurodivergence is big oofs and don't feel bad if it's oofing you too.

honestly i have been brainweird for years and i am significantly less insane than i have been at various points in the past (rip 2013, 2016, and tbh a lot of 2022 because Trauma Brain was 100% winning that particular fight last year, especially april-july). i just actually have access to healthcare right now and therefore can pursue something i have wanted to explore for several years. that's the only thing that's changed. in many ways i am doing much better than in the past because most days i'm only debilitatingly anxious about things that are actually stressful and not like, the concept of a green metal-ended treasury tag or any of the other tiny small things that used to result in spiralling breakdowns

this is of course why my brain is going "well we're probably fine because we haven't been fired for brainweirds for a whole year now" (they pretended it wasn't for brainweirds but it was for communication style and trauma so, it was brainweirds) bc obviously if i am holding my life just about together at the edges, i am Fine

but. you know. the nature of being in crisis is also that your life tends to be wildly unstable and disrupted which is not conducive to waiting months for a referral to get any kind of treatment for anything ever. and seriously. i have moved house so many fucking times. the NHS barely even knows where i live at this point. but stability is required to get healthcare and i am currently reasonably stable so i am getting private healthcare via my job (because occupational health referred me, because if they're gonna pay me peanuts i'm gonna extract the balance from them in every possible benefit i could possibly access, frankly)

anyway all of this is to say that i am only a normal amount of insane at the moment (i have some exceptionally stressful things going on but they would be stressful for anyone regardless of mental health). i am just making the most of having access to A Healthcare occasionally!

[naomana]

just realised when pepe gets beaten up before his big fight right, leo says: "couple of them jumped pepe yesterday." (and literally a few lines later in the SAME scene, leo says): "pepe's got it all worked out."

this bitch, was so embarrassed, so ashamed of himself that he single handedly planned out everything that was going to happen tomorrow, aka the day of the fight with o'neill, for the most part probably all by himself. he got him alone in the gym, he persuaded guards and prisoners to leave him alone in the gym, within like what, how many breaks outside did prisoners get back then? i'm just so impressed-and i feel so bad for him--. like leo most likely helped with most of the persuading and convincing on pepe's behalf, but my point was that with the time pepe had he wasted none of it, because he must've felt so broken up about it, being a mountain of a man and all. he might not have convinced everyone by himself but he planned all of it because god forbid he do nothing about it.

also every time i see that stupid tiny fucking band aid on his temple i lose it, like surely, something that small would not bother him (and realistically it'd probably be fine, even if it were just butterfly stitches), so i just fully believe that leo chased him around the suite until he let him put something over it. honestly pepe looks surprisingly fine for being beaten up a day prior from when vito sees him again, and especially in prison too i feel like he should look a lot worse. but if we forget about design and more character, it makes me think he really must've fought back as best as he could :(

this got long im sorry but its about pepe so i thought you'd appreciate it and sdjlsd BRAINROT

I come back from complete mental breakdown and you shower me with ideas ksksksksk

Pepe going to infirmary where pretty nurse insists on that tiny band, he wouldn't bother

Or Vito got ahold of one and insisted on in, because those two are close and you can't tell me otherwise

[tellywoodtrash]

Hi TT. I'm a mess. Forcing myself to study for an exam I dont want to give. I just want to get married and sit at home🙂🙃(terrible example for feminism ik). But middle class family se hu tho job ke bina koi shaadi nahi karega. I don't want to study, don't want to compromise either,my mind is a jumbled mess rn and I don't have a single clue on what I'm doing. I feel like I've failed my mom who's a single parent who's working so hard to give this life to me. Sorry for the trauma dump lol.

Hi friend,

God I wanna give you a huge hug. Coz I've been there. Trust me, a lot of us, even the most rabid of feminists have felt the "ughhhhh what's the point, I should just get married" thing. And it's not a wrong thought; it's just a symptom of the larger issue at hand. That you feel powerless currently, pressured into something you don't want, so why not just go for the most extreme nuclear option on that path. You're free to want to be a housewife (feminism is about choice), but don't think that it's some easy way out of what you're feeling now just because you don't have to do a "job". It's just as backbreaking work (more, I'd argue) as you'll do in a workplace, but with no pay/progress; and sadly, very undervalued in today's patriarchal capitalist society.

I think the biggest problem rn is that you aren't interested in the field you're being pushed into. Of course you won't feel like succeeding at something you don't care for. If you assess the success of a fish by how it flies, it obviously will fail. You need to figure out what your strengths and interests are, and move towards a career in those. And trust me, don't think it's "too late" now (you sound like you're in your early twenties perhaps?) I got two wholeass degrees specialising in marketing before I realised how much I hate capitalism and consumerism and tricking people into spending money by selling lies, and couldn't fucking do it without having a breakdown every single day. I quit my job and moved to a whole other country with no clue, only to take up a random poles-apart-from-my-field job that pays not even half of what I used to earn (but gives me sososososososoooo much more mental peace.) That too all this at the age of 30. It's never too late to try a different path, if you choose so.

If by chance you don't feel safe to do that, and that's perfectly understandable; there's considerable risk to be taken and you need proper financial and emotional support as you're figuring things out (which I was vvvv privileged to have), you'll have to stay in this field for the near foreseeable future. It's fine, you can just cultivate an attitude that yeah this field sucks, but it's just something you do to make money. In today's world, people are often defined by the job title they hold, and often make it their whole personality, but it's all bullshit. Not everyone has to be "passionate" about their career. A job is just a tiny tiny part of us; we provide a service for a set number of hours a day so that we can fund the rest of our life, the parts that we actually love. Like acquiring and taking care of animals, and buying art supplies or books or tickets to a concert/movie/country we wanna see, subscriptions to streaming services to watch all the obscure media you fancy etc. Just see it that way and turn off any emotional attachments to work. It's just something you do to make money and that's it. And when you figure what really makes you tick and how you can earn the money you need without being so goddamn miserable for 10 hours a day, start making your move to a job that's more aligned to your interests and values.

I know this is a lot and it feels very overwhelming right now, but please know that this whole mess is temporary. You will eventually figure something out. I would suggest you talk to your support group about how you're feeling and ask them suggestions on how to proceed. Please know I'm always rooting for you no matter what you choose, and hope you find your peace soon! 💗💗💗

[the-brain-person]

Oneshot; TVhead female oc/ reader. The Amazing Digital Circus fanfic/ fandom work. Written on the phone. Dunno how to check word count on the phone. I'm writing this in the Tumblr app.

---

I am falling. I am falling? Where... am I? My vision isn't clear; static pervading all my senses. Something is wrong... I'm falling. Oh. I think I've been falling for a while. I hear talking. What are they saying?

"..is there something falling?" Purple, pink, yellow.

"Not currently, Jax, wait... what did you do?!" Red, blue, tan.

The poor bot fell on their head and promptly went unconcious.

Where... am I? I remember falling. I didn't remember why I was falling when I was falling, so I think we can cross out amnesia.

What is this place? It was bright, too bright, too loud, too quiet. This place is too much. Where is my anchor? Do I have an anchor? And that thought makes me scared. I get up; my... systems...? When did I have systems? This... isn't right. Where is my anchor? My system is going into autopilot. I need to find an anchor.

Silently, I walk. My vision is static and blurry. The static should clear soon, my systems say. I'm walking silently, but my body is heavy. It is wrong. My face feels flat, and I have metal antennae. My tail. My f□□□□□g tail. Is a cord with an electrical socket plug at the end. What the f□□k is going on? Why the f□□k are my f□□□□□g thoughts f□□□□□g censored?!

And more importantly; where the fuck is my anchor? I'm walking aimlessly through this damned circus-- or at least what I assume to be a circus, I haven't seen anyone.

By the time I see someone, the static has cleared, but the blurriness is still there. A small red,white, blue, and maybe.. yellow? The thing is in front of me. It's small. Would it be a good anchor? But upon seeing me approach silently and expressionlessly--how do I move my face?-- It screams and starts running. It sounds female, maybe. Aside from her screaming, I can maybe hear bells? Probably on her. She wouldn't be a good anchor. She probably needs an anchor, or maybe hers is too far away?

I decide to follow screaming bell girl. She's tiny, so I don't need to adjust my pace to follow. Thus, it probably makes her more scared. Whoops. She runs, and I follow for a while. She is tired. Her running is getting more wobbly, I think. My vision is still so blurred, I can't really tell.

When the girl stops running, voice having gone out awhile ago, she is by a short but taller person. I think. Red, blue, and tan. A blue bow, probably. Blue.. eyepatch, maybe? Small is hiding behind her. Bow is probably Small's anchor, then. As Small is seeming pretty calm now. When I make it to Bow, I stop. Bow is associated with Small, and Small is quite loud and quite scared. She would not be a good anchor for me.

The blurriness is still there when Small says something I can't hear to Bow. "Oh her? She fell from the ceiling and fell flat on her screen. If we couldn't die here, I would think she died." A nervous giggle escapes Bow. Bow looks over to me and quite literally just remembers that I have been standing stock still this entire time.

"Oh! I should have introduced myself, I'm so sorry! I'm Ragatha-" Bow is a better name, but ok, I think

"- and this is Pomni! Caine should be here by now but he isn't, probably preparing an adventure." I realize I haven't introduced myself. I try to open my mouth, but I can't. I take my hands to where my mouth should be and I pull.

Wedging my fingers through barely noticeable gaps in my... what did Ragatha say? Screen? I open my mouth. I can move my mouth now. So I go to introduce myself again. My voice sounds gravelly or staticky. It's the panic, probably. "Hello. I'm..." What's my name. My Name. My name is my name, my name, my anchor- "Calm down now, it's fine, nobody remembers their name when they first arrive here. " Ragatha snaps me out of it.

"Kind of.. odd to see it from the other side of the mental breakdown, " Pomni says, her voice hoarse from all the screaming she did earlier, hah. "You get used to it, newstuff. It really isn't that bad." The conversation dulls, and I can only really hear the jingling of Pomni's hat (or at least it looks like a hat)

I slap my knees, yawning. "Well, gotta go now." I get up and start walking away. The other two rush to follow. "Where are you going?"

I want to find my anchor. But finding Caine also sounds important. "Find Caine." I reply, elegantly. "Oh! We can help with that!" I doubt they can, but we start walking. I walk much faster than the two of them. Ragatha has to speed up pretty often, and Pomni is practically jogging the whole time. "Do... do you need me to slow down?" I ask. I receive two very enthusiastic "Yes, please" es and I slow down to their speed. They are quite short, I am quite tall, and I walk with purpose. What more is to be said.

"Whoa whoa whoa there new person! You can't go wandering! You haven't completed the Tour!! A blurry red,white, and black floating thing appears. Bounce_effect.wav flashes in my vision as I hear the sound. I decide that this AI (how did I know?) is interesting, if quite.. unintelligent to the human (am I human?) plight. He would not be a good anchor, but he could learn how to be human.

"Now, you may or may not have realized that you don't remember your name. That's okay! Do you want to randomly generate a new name, or do you want to choose." Green letters hang starkly in my vision, a contrast to the blurring. R4M is all that it says. "R4M" is all that I say. "Ram, you say? Wonderful name!" R-four-M, I want to say. But I think that it's not worth my time.

I'm suddenly somewhere else. A stage? I gag and cover my mouth. When I stop feeling nauseous, I'm being introduced to the rest of the cast. "Okay! Step right up, step right up, introductions are in order!" Is he a conductor or a ringmaster? Are they different things? (Yes; green letters tell me, they are different things)

This is a good chance to find an anchor. "Okay Ram! This is Ragatha, our rag-doll friend, always willing to help patch someone up!"

"Kinger, the king of pillows, bug collections, and is always there for you when you need him." "Bug collection?" Kinger asked, lighting up. "Do you have a bug to give him, Caine?" Caine looks at me, and through the blurriness, I think he might be confused, but he gets a bug for kingwr anyway. Kinger takes it and holds it, observing in wonder.

"This is Zooble! They'll always be around when you need them, and is always willing to offer their opinion." "Great joke, Caine." They bitterly snark.

"This over here is Gangle! Either a comedy or the saddest tragedy depending on what state her mask is in!" Gangle smiles a ' :3 ' and waves. I wave back.

"This is Jax, our friendly rabbit companion! He can make a good joke out of anything!" "A good joke? No, only ever the truth... mostly." Mischievous, I think. Mischievousness usually means wit and creativity. Maybe he could be an anchor. Time would tell.

"This paranoid jester is Pomni! If you want to look for exits or go insane or just have a mental breakdown buddy, she is your go-to pal!"

"Heya Caine! Who is this new person?"

"This over here is Bubble! T-"

"Why are they so tall?"

"Bubble asks a lot of quest-"

"What is their-"

Pop!

End of one-shot, might make more.

Anchor was a concept I wanted to do for a while.It's like your best friend, someone who can navigate your feelings and calm you down; your buddy; your pal; your person.

[quartervois]

@sadtempo

what  the  fuck  is  happening?

things  go  from  zero  to  nine  thousand  real  quick  as  julian  watches  izzy  seemingly  speed  run  through  all  five  stages  of  grief  in  the  span  of  a  minute.  and  julian  thought  he  was  a  dramatic  fuck.  once  izzy’s  worries  finally  process,  he  can’t  help  laughing;  and  yeah,  he  should  probably  be  a  bit  more  supportive  and  comforting,  but  julian’s  never  been  the  type.

❝  izzy.  it’s  fine.  really.  first  of  all,  don’t  gas  her  up  or  she’ll  never  shut  up  about  the  90s  and  how  modern  fashion  is  a  crumbling  empire  or  whatever.  second,  the  only  person  she  hates  is  her  personal  trainer  'cause  he  doesn’t  let  her  eat  carbs  during  the  week.  and  third,  she’s  definitely  not  gonna  say  anything  about  your  outfit,  'cause  she’s  not  a  total  bitch  like  i  am.  if  you’re  really  worried  about  it,  though…  ❞

julian  sighs  and  takes  out  his  phone,  pulling  izzy  to  his  feet  by  the  hand  with  some  difficulty.  he  snaps  a  few  quick  photos  of  izzy  from  all  angles  and  attaches  them  to  an  email,  thumbs  flying  across  the  tiny  keyboard  with  ease  as  he  labels  the  subject  🚨🚨urgent 🚨🚨!!!!!!!  and  presses  send.

❝  there.  my  stylist  is  gonna  send  a  bunch  of  stuff  to  my  house,  so  you  can  try  it  all  on  once  we  get  there.  now  can  you  stop  having  a  mental  breakdown  so  we  can  go  get  dinner?  ❞  julian  raises  an  eyebrow,  pocketing  his  phone  again  before  he  pulls  izzy  in  by  the  front  of  the  shirt.

❝  you’re  worrying  over  nothing.  trust  me,  ❞  julian  says  with  a  sigh  as  he  tries  to  think  of  something  slightly  more reassuring.  ❝  i’ll  stop  making  fun  of  your  cardigans.  swear.  ❞

𝘐𝘡𝘡𝘠 𝘉𝘓𝘐𝘕𝘒𝘌𝘋 𝘈 𝘔𝘐𝘕𝘜𝘛𝘌 𝘞𝘏𝘌𝘕 𝘑𝘜𝘓𝘐𝘈𝘕 𝘈𝘚𝘚𝘜𝘙𝘌𝘋 𝘏𝘐𝘔 it would all work out. He wasn't entirely sold and absentmindedly began tugged at the neck of his sweater and taking deliberate and calming breaths. Maybe he was overreacting. Worrying over nothing. But how could he not? Julian was the single most important person in his life at present and while he was excited to meet those within his boyfriend's inner circle, he knew he was different from them. In fact, you could say Izzy was as far removed from Julian's life and style that he might as well have been from another planet. Julian was stylish and leather and dark colors. Tight fits and accenting lines while Izzy literally grabbed whatever appealed to his needs for weather or comfort. If he could wear his sweat pants and a hoodie for the rest of his life---- he certainly wouldn't have any issue with it, for sure. He was a man of little styling experience and now Julian was mentioning his stylist sending Izzy a few options.

"I can't afford a stylist, Jules," he said quietly, "I can't afford the type of fashion you and probably your friends wear...." His voice was soft and quiet; heavy with a vulnerability and uncertainty Izzy often tried to hide when around Julian. It was clear there was a power divide in the way that Julian saw something he liked, he bought it. He wore it. He could afford any and everything where Izzy worked on a small means of income and now he was trying to play catch up to his celebrity boyfriend. "I don't want you buying me a whole new wardrobe so I can fit in.... It's not fair to you....." Blue eyes lifted from the hole they were burning beneath the toe of his sneakers to catch Julian's gaze slightly, "I'd feel weird if I wore, like....a lot of stuff that's way outta my price range. Like I'm---" Izzy's gaze fell again with a pinch to his features, "Lying."

[lilylovesundertale]

Meanwhile/darkos back story

*zap walks over to darko*

Zap: hey babe have you seen my sister around I haven't seen her in days I'm beginning to get worried

Darko: no I'm afraid not at this point even I'm getting worried

Zap: speaking of which echo and Nora disappeared as well

Darko: I could care less about Nora but echo I actually do care about her and you

Zap: hey babe when you said if I become God again you'll be my king what did you mean by that I mean I know you're an ex god but how did you become a god?

Darko: ... It was a long time ago a dark soul formed known as the corruption it will form into tiny creatures but once every thousand years it forms a god the first God that was created was thousands of years back his name is Salazar a being with the power of life however he disappeared one day and it kept repeating until a God was destroyed me I was the god because of what your sister did I was now a mortal a weakling I no longer had the power to destroy everything but I forgave her Nora was the one that destroyed me lily didn't even agree to it but if I ever become God again you will be my king you will always be my king even if I don't become God *Darko kissed zap* don't worry I will always protect you

Zap: blushing* well I'm pretty sure they're fine

Meanwhile again*

Lily: AAAAAA I don't know how to deal with this*attempting to knock down the helicopters from the sky*

Nora: keep attacking love I'm pretty sure we can get through this

*echo is having a mental breakdown*

Henry:*just watching the chaos* this is fine

[fiendfremd]

Okay I'm going to post my thoughts on this last year, upcoming year and upcoming 10th year anniversary of making games behind the cut. I want to be as honest as possible so it might be kinda sad down there. You have been warned.

2022 was a weird year for me. I started off strong and things just slowly got worse over time.

I was invited to the Tiny Games Bundle and had a blast making Tomorrow for Mar for that. I'm ultimately sad about what happened to the bundle bc I still think it's a fantastic idea, it just wasn't in the cards.

Next was nano and starting work on Butterblue. At the time this felt like a mistake, I was coming straight off the back of finishing Tomorrow for Mar and I was exhausted and I knew I couldn't finish it in time and was aiming for a demo.

In hindsight, this was one of the best things I could have done. Honestly, I just really really want to make farming sims crossed with VNs and I knew if I pushed that off any longer I'd be dying. So even though I only finished a demo and the response was pretty lukewarm, I'm glad I finally started on the projects I've been wanting to make for so long.

After nano I had a month off which was good because I then jumped into Otomejam with a team!

Aaannddd this is why this is behind a read more on my secret personal blog lol.

The jam ended with me having a mental breakdown as I sat crying on my garage floor sobbing unable to move as my neighbors were drunk karaoke-ing Country Roads.

I did not have a good time with this jam. It started fine but then took a bad turn for the worse at the tail end of development. I was told "its okay to ask for help!" And then when I asked for help I was ripped into. The whole process was extremely mercenary-esque and that just... isn't really what I was looking for.

I'm in a lot of pain and whatever it is I'm looking for with my creative passions, I'm not getting it from working in groups in gamejams.

I like making games. I like making bad games. I like expressing myself.

I'm not able to make games on a professional level. I am not a professional gamedev, despite the fact that I work on them like 3 hours a day.

This has continuously clashed with a lot of the gamedev spheres I've been in. So many people have approached me and its later come out that they saw me as a "charity case". That if I "just marketed myself more, polished off all these edges and be normal for one day" I would be a Viral Hit.

Uh. I can't be "normal" for one day. The stuff that makes my work so unique is also what fucks it up from finding any sort of mainstream success. And sometimes I'm okay with that. But a lot of times I'm sad not bc im sad about not being "successful" but because so many people see me as that "Charity Case".

If I ever work with a group again for a gamejam I will be ultra clear that at the end of it we will have: 1 finished game, 3 comments, and maybe 20 notes across the social media landscape. That's it. That's what is going to be made. And expecting more than that will make you disappointed and I sure hope you don't end up blaming me!! 💦💦💦

After otomejam I just. Imploded. I worked on butterblue but at a much slower pace. It was good to work on something just to keep my mind off of everything.

It's been hard this year. Coming into 2022 I thought I had a great lineup for the year, and I was able to finish all my projects (with butterblue pending) but it was extremely painful getting there.

Not only was "online gamedev activities" painful this year but "offline gamedev activities" was the worst yet.

I tried to restart my local gamedev club and during one of the meetings there was this guy just GLARING at me the whole time. I had to physically bring the textbooks I was cited in to get any sort of foothold in the room. These meetups aren't for creatives finding like minded creatives. It's for entrepreneurial tech bros to have dick measuring contests.

I once read that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. People show you who they are. My biggest flaw is that I don't believe people when they show me who they are. I think "they can't possibly be that bad...." or "well I did say something stupid, that's why they yelled at me". I keep choosing to go to these same gamedev groups and finding the same people who are the same type of dismissive toward me and I keep surprised pikachu meme-ing. At this point, I've been through 4 different state wide gamedev groups that share roughly the same handful of people.

There's no place for me in the community that exists.

It's hard and I've been fighting it, thinking "well certainly one of these has to work". But it's been 10 years since I first started making games, and 6 years since I started attending local gamedev clubs in my area. I have searched high and low. Through valley and mountain. There is no place for me.

Maybe that's a death sentence. I certainly felt that way the last few years and was so desperate to make anything work. But I'm still alive, aren't I? I'm still here making games.

Maybe it's a death sentence. But it's not a quick death. It's a slow death, carried out over the years by progressive isolation.

But maybe that's also just life.

So as of now, I've stopped trying. I dropped out of all the gamedev clubs I've ever been in. (Save for one I'm waiting until after magfest to leave) Next year... idk. I don't know what my plans are, outside of finishing butterblue and working on a friend's game.

I want to chase things that bring me joy. If everything else is fucked beyond recognition, I at least want to have fun doing it.

I love making art and creative works. I love farming sims and I love strategy games. And there isn't a place for me at any of the "gamedev" tables but I'll make do anyway.

[mystery-star]

I posted 195 times in 2022

That's 127 more posts than 2021!

181 posts created (93%)

14 posts reblogged (7%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@harrypotter-and-the-onering

@mrs-mikko-rantanen

I tagged 179 of my posts in 2022

Only 8% of my posts had no tags

#mystery alaska - 56 posts

#ben wade - 37 posts

#3:10 to yuma - 36 posts

#ben wade x you - 23 posts

#john biebe - 23 posts

#ben wade imagine - 23 posts

#ben wade x reader - 23 posts

#anon - 20 posts

#jack aubrey - 18 posts

#anon ask - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#while i'm just trying to keep my shit together and not have another mental breakdown bc we're on vacation and i'm supposed to be relaxed

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Trapped - Spock

Pairing: Spock x reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: swearing, bit of angst

Words: 818

A/N: Sorry that I have not published a lot for Spock lately but I have not been writing a lot in general. However, I have a few more short Spock stories in my drafts that I’ll publish in the following weeks.

Please do not repost my work on other sites or platforms!

It wasn’t your first away mission by far. And yet you hated that your boyfriend and superior officer treated you like a child. He would insist that he was not worried for worry was highly illogical and that as leader of the away mission he was responsible for everyone’s safety and felt it was necessary to remind some members of the rules. Sulking over it, you didn’t really focus on examining the bush in front of you.

“Ugh why did no one tell me it was gonna be so hot?” the partner you were teamed up with said, fanning himself. You only shrugged and threw a glance at him to see how he was sitting down on a small boulder a few feet away. Or better said tried to because the moment he was sitting, the rock moved and threw your colleague face first in the dirt. Had the situation been another, you might have laughed. But the animal that looked a little like a turtle, but one that could walk on two legs if it got up, let out a hurling roar before taking quick steps into your direction. After freezing for a second, you started running towards where you suggested other members of the landing party. “Help me” your colleague protested but since the being was more interested in you, you simply ignored him. As you were running, the ground suddenly started shaking a little more and as you looked back you swallowed hard.

“Oh fuck” you breathed. It seemed like a couple of friends had joined the turtle-being and were now all coming after you. You couldn’t even say how many there were but it still brought more energy for you to run. You met some other crewmembers and they didn’t even need to ask what was going on because they saw and heard your distress before you could even tell them to run.

“Let’s split up” someone suggested and after counting to five, the three of you ran into different directions. A glance behind told you that luckily, the beings had split up too so that now only two of them were still after you.

“Why did you have to sit down on that thing?” you scolded your colleague but still hoped that he was fine and didn’t have to deal with one of the beings while he still was on the ground.

“Ensign” you suddenly heard Spock’s voice. As you turned your head to the side to look at him, you almost fell over something on the ground but he caught you, pulling you along by the wrist. Luckily, he wasn’t asking what had happened. Not yet.

“What...” you pressed out when you saw him running towards a wall. Only a while later you saw the small crack in it that could probably fit the two of you but not the animals. Happy that soon it would be over, you sped up again, almost running as fast as your boyfriend who had been dragging you behind. Once you reached the tiny cave, Spock almost pushed you in before joining you. The space was very small; you couldn’t even stand properly and no matter how much you tried, you always were touching your boyfriend somewhere. It made you glad that he was here with you. You knew of Vulcans’ aversion to touch others if it could be helped.

“How did these beings end up chasing after you?” he asked and you were glad to hear he too was a little out of breath. Outside the cave the two ‘turtles’ tried getting into the crack as well but then gave up, making a lot of noise outside. You only hoped it wasn’t something bad, like them calling reinforcement.

“Jefferson” you started explaining how he sat down on what he thought to be a rock. “Regret you told me in particular not to touch anything?”

“The assumption that I told ‘you in particular’ is not correct since the entire landing party has been present when I gave you the instructions”

“And yet you looked at me” you replied under your breath “But thanks anyways. You really saved my ass out there”

“I fail to understand how solely your buttocks have been in peril” you chuckled

“It’s a saying”

“Have you been injured?”

“No, I’m fine. Just exhausted from the running. I hope the others are fine though” you explained that two other people were being chased too. By now the aliens in front of the wall had calmed down too. “Do you think they will stay for long?”

“I cannot say” you shrugged

“Well, I guess then all we can do is wait” you smiled because even though you both were on duty and therefore Spock would insisted on formalities and all, you still enjoyed spending some time with him. And the fact that you had to be close to each other made it even better...

46 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

#4

To Boldly Write - Star Trek Masterlist (Jul 01 2022)

Please do not repost my work on other sites or platforms

Spock x Reader

Imagines

Assurance

Actions speak louder than Words [Smut]

The Biggest Compliment

Tender Loving Care

Wherever you go

Come and go

Shipping Experiment

Waiting for you

Of Trifles and Truffles

Secretive

Casually

Scaredy Cat

-

Series

The Romulan Incident

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

-

(K)night in Black Armor (Mafia AU) (Incomplete)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 15.2 [SMUT]  | Part 16 | Part 16.2 [SMUT]  | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 19.2 [SMUT] | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 21.2 [SMUT] | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 |

(K)ibA Series Masterlist

---

Spock x OC

Threshold of Space (Further Series)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 |  Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16

The sequels are on FF.net

Passing Boundaries 

See the full post

65 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

#3

Scaredy Cat - Spock

Pairing: Spock x reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: none

Words: 326

A/N: Yes. The writing challenge is still somewhat going and you get more short-Spocklets (at some point)

Please do not repost my work on other sites or platforms!

-

“Now come on, don’t be a scaredy-cat” you shouted in your fiancé’s direction when he refused to step onto the boat you currently were preparing to sail out.

“Interesting you should mention a feline” he said placing his bag on the floor.

“What? Are you scared of water?”

“No. It is illogical to fear water since it is something essential for most humanoids”

“So?” you asked, knowing there was something he didn’t tell you

“However, as Vulcans descend from felines, as you so often have to make fun of…”

“You don’t like water, just like cats” you concluded “But there are kitties that love water, you know?”

“I am well aware. Yet I doubt the term ‘kitty’ is fitting since it mostly are members of the subfamily Pantherinae that do not avoid water” you chuckled

“Alright then tiger, here you go” you got closer to him, grabbing his bag and throwing it onto the deck.

“Please do not handle my belongings so carelessly”

“Well, you can get them back if you come” you said, wiping some sweat off your face. “We have life vests, so neither of us is gonna drown” you pecked his cheek “You know, you’re the best First Officer a starship could wish for, so I’d love to have you as my deputy here”

“I do not know how to sail” you chuckled

“To be honest, I’m not too much of a sailor either. But” you clasped your hands together, giving him a solemn look “This thing has an engine. So we might not even need the sails”

“Then the term ‘sailing’ is not quite correct, I suppose” you chuckled

“At least it fits better than flying, huh?” when you looked back and saw he still hadn’t moved you let out a sigh “Alright, you know what either you get on the boat now or I’ll throw your bag overboard so you actually do have to get in the water to get it”

122 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

#2

Secretive - Spock

Pairing: Spock x reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: none

Words: 589

A/N: Just a little thing I wrote for a writing challenge.

Do not repost my work on other sites or platforms!

-

Of course you loved Spock. Deeply. But what you hated about the relationship is that he didn’t want anyone to know. At least if it could be helped. There were a few people who did know, after all.

“Hi (Y/N)” a fellow cadet shouted as he caught up with you, letting out a breath “Whew, your fast. Stole something?” you glanced at him and recognized him.

“Hi” you greeted back, not really wanting to look up from your PADD

“How about dinner tonight? Just the two of us, fancy restaurant, delicious food. What do you say? I bet you can use some actual social company after learning with the Vulcan.” he said the last word as if it was a curse.

“Spock and I get along very well”

“Bullshit” you didn’t reply. “Well, what about tonight?”

“I don’t want to”

“No? Come on, you’ll love it. It's a date” he gave a wink and smiled.

“That makes me say no even more”

“How so?”

“Well, first of all, I have a boyfriend”

“Bullshit”

“Just because you don’t like something doesn’t make it a lie” you said chuckling inwardly when you noticed it sounded like something Spock would say. “Okay, bye” you didn’t even look at him before walking off to meet your fellow cadet in the library. “Sorry I’m late” you said before sitting down and giving your boyfriend a chance to say something. He reacted with an eyebrow rise.

“I have not made a comment about your tardiness since you are not late” you checked the time. Indeed, you still were a minute early

“Oh, well” you sat down with a chuckle “I thought Charles slowed me down”

“How so?” you sighed, not sure if you wanted to tell him. You hated to tell him that every so often, you were asked to a date by other cadets. Often the same cadets that made fun of your boyfriend. Which was one of the reasons you always said no, even if they just wanted to be friends when hearing you were not romantically interested in them. But when he just kept looking at you, you sighed and told him what the other male had wanted “I understand”

“Doesn’t that bother you? Or make you mad?” he glanced at you and he folded his hand on the tabletop, leaning slightly closer to you.

“(Y/N), I am half-Vulcan and am therefore able to supress my emotions. Furthermore, even if this was impossible, I still would not feel either of the sentiments you have suggested since I trust you and know that getting emotional over such a matter is illogical. That is, as long as all these people do is simply ask you. In case someone ever bothers or even molests you, however, I will be willing to assist you, should you need me. Since others are unaware of our relationship and you are amiable, caring and attractive, it is only logical that other people desire a relationship with you and thus inquire if you are interested in them as well. Therefore, the sole thing that I am thinking about the matter is that I truly appreciate what we have and that you chose me” you smiled at his words.

“Thank you, Spock” you said “This means a lot to me. And you do too. Mean a lot to me, I mean” although there were people around, you leant over to him and quickly gave his hand a squeeze before leaning back and opening a textbook on your PADD “So, astrophysics, right?

246 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Casually – Spock

Pairing: Spock x reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: none

Words: 337

A/N: Aaand here we go again with another piece I wrote for my writing challenge.

Do not repost my wirting on other sites or platforms!

 -

Spock was lingering at the door frame while you were cooking

“Oh, if you’re already here, could you had me the carrots?” you asked, pointing at the vegetable.

“Is there some issue with the replicator that I may need to have a look?”

“Why?” you asked in confusion, tasting the sauce.

“Since you are cooking, I assumed…”

“Ah. Oh no” you chuckled, putting in some salt “I just saw this recipe and wanted to try it out because it seems tasty. I like cooking in a way” you admitted. He still hadn’t moved, so you pointed at the carrots again “Carrot?”

“(Y/N), there is something I would like to ask you”

“Sure. Go on” you said taking the carrot yourself, knowing he wasn’t even listening. On the other hand, Vulcans didn’t like touching raw food with their hands so it was mean of you to expect that from him.

“I have come to the realization that you mean everything to me and I do not desire to spend the rest of my life without you by my side” you chuckled

“That’s sweet. Same here, I love you, Spock”

“Thank you. Therefore, I wish to inquire if you could imagine marrying me. I do not mind if you prefer the human or the Vulcan…”

“Woah Spock” you glanced at him “You-you’re proposing that casually?”

“I was not aware there is some kind of ritual?”

“No. No there isn’t. Just… usually you wait for a special moment to ask. When everything fits”

“I see. However, as I have just had this realization – that I wish to be your husband – mere minutes ago during meditation, therefore I suppose the timing was rather adequate” you chuckled

“Well that’s just cute. You had the thoughts and immediately had to know. Logical and cute, I give you that” you smiled at him “Alright Spock, therefore that was the right time” you wiped your hands at the towel and walked over to him and cupped his face, gently kissing him on the lips “Yes”

390 notes - Posted March 23, 2022

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