#i'm isolating from everyone again hahaha

[notherpuppet]

Do you think there's a right and/or wrong way to handle QPR? I know it's a tricky relationship, but it feels like most/some people kind of just slap the label onto a ship while depicting the ship as just romantic/having no difference with a romantic relationship. (this is why I was a little surprised when you said you do radioapple qpr when it reads a lot more like normal romance). Not meant as an attack or anything on anyone, just genuinely curious more than anything. Again, tricky relationship

So Imma put this link to info at the top of this post: https://taaap.org/2022/07/16/qprs-part-one/

Alright, so please take what I say with a grain of salt, because that's exactly what it is. One small bit of perspective in a mass of many people who experience QPRs in their life and/or are on an aro/ace spectrum. I also have NO QUALIFICATIONS on gender/sexuality theory, so my opinions are shaped by what I've learned and experienced personally. While people may identify with the same term, we are all still individuals with our own experiences. Words can help describe a phenomenon, but it doesn't make everyone who identifies with the word into a monolith.

So I've stated a few times that I navigate shipping Alastor similar to my own experiences as an aroace person. (I guess I'm sharing about myself with this post, but I think that can be helpful to just spreading awareness of an "alternative lifestyle"). So I'm romance-repulsed and sex-repulsed LOL but I'm also "positive" about those things. Like I view romance and sex as lovely, fun experiences people can have, but I've never been into it personally. It's fun for me to consume media about romance/sex, but yknow, it's also fun for me to consume media about violence or isolation. Doesn't mean I want to experience or engage in any of those things lol.

Anyway, I'm a huge people person and I love to party and yknow it seems most people are really wanting to fall in love or fuck or whatever pretty much all the time, but especially at parties hahaha. Normally, I'm pretty touch-averse, but I love dancing so much and it's a blast to dance with a partner (salsa especially!! i don't care for grinding for probably obvious reasons). And to connect the two previous sentences, people (whatever gender they are) would be very kissy-touchy on the dancefloor. Which i honestly dont really give a fuck about hahaha. I don't really get anything out of kissing but I also don't mind it. I just like to dance. It's all a pretty superficial--but still genuinely fun--experience for me.

When it comes to my deeper or more intimate connections, I have had friendships that have felt SO on the line of what was viewed as a romantic relationship. They were exceptional friends and we connected on a level that was deep and true, but it wasn't romantic. Sometimes we'd slow dance, sometimes we kissed, and it rocked. But it wasn't more than that, it was all that it needed to be. I didn't want more and neither did they (except one situation and so we had to stop being friends lol whoops). From the outside, people would even refer to us as partners in a half joking way, but we really were just friends. And I love those friends!! And a huge part of what made those relationships (which at the time were described as 'situationships' because we didn't know any of these terms haha) was their convenience. We either lived in the same building, worked together, or were neighbors LOL. I'm still friends with those absolutely lovely folks, but we don't live around each other, so our QPR just appears a lot more like any ole regular friendship. But it's not like there was a feeling that we transitioned into something different than before. It twas what it twas! (Had to take a pause while I was typing to reminisce fondly for a second, okay back to hazbin hahaha)

SO, whenever someone asks or it comes up, MOST OF THE TIME I do ship alastor through an aroace lens and experience with QPRs (specifically, MINEE because they were fun and I've never felt like doing this before I met a character like Al). And my XP is: "this isn't gonna be a partnership and we ain't fucking" LMFAO. so yeah!

When it comes to using a queer term like QPR, I just hope folks are considerate in their writing, but I also am inclined to just believe them if they say that's their intention because QPRs can look very different. Again, aroace and ace folks are not a monolith. The terms help to describe a human's experience. I'm inclined to think people are writing in good faith.

And all this being said, I want to just emphasize that I really don't think it's necessary to consider any of this shit if you want to ship a fictional character. I understand wanting to be protective of a character who shares an identifier with you (I personally don't wanna see romance/sex with Al in canon). But shipping is a fun thing a fandom does that often does ignore canon. Tale as old as time. I don't think anyone needs to be beholden to canon when they're writing fanfiction or having fun. If we did, I would have like--5 artworks on this blog hahaha. These characters are like dollies, do whatever you want. It's cool if people don't like it and I think it's cool if people do. It's just not that serious. There are ships I'm not particularly into or dynamics that I am not enchanted by, but whatever. I can just scroll or close my eyes.

TLDR; shipping in fandom doesn't need to be taken seriously at ALL. It can just be fun way for someone to play with fictional characters they like. That being said, I think it's good practice to use queer terms thoughtfully.

[quinnyundertow]

Your writing has made me absolutely fall head over heels in love with Yuta! You write him so well that I look at him in a completely different light now in the manga/anime. Also, I'm very excited for the Toji sequences upcoming in WICYG! xoxo

This made me so damn happy you have no idea! I adore him to know it made you love him more just- BE STILL MY HEART!

I’ve always wanted to write out my Yuta!head-canons and this made me go all in hahaha (Sorry bestie but I hope you enjoy them)

If you forced me to pick a fav from JJK it would 100000% be Yuta. He’s so complex and yet simple as a character. He experienced so much abuse/neglect (from parents, classmates, teachers, even Rika) as a young child due to seeing/having Rika in a non sorcerer environment. Gege said Yuta doesn’t have a close relationship with his parents but is close with a little sister. That’s so easy for me to imagine.

Yuta! Head-canon: His parents are both working full time when the tragedy with Rika happens. They feel so guilty but relieved that their son survived. As time goes on however Yuta won’t stop crying at night about this monster version of his dead best friend haunting him. At first they would pour everything into trying to get him medical help but as the years go by and psychiatrists say he’s seeking attention the care turns to frustration. Probably culminating in a, “Get over it! I don’t want to hear about her ever again!” Type of argument.

Yuta!Head-canon: His little sister would have been a safe person to him. Maybe five years younger than him so they really never talked about that girl Rika who “moved away” when they were little. Rika wouldn’t feel as threatened as she’s his sister and a younger child so I could see her allowing him to form a relationship with him. At least at first. Deep down Rika is kind but she’s still a curse jealousy would crop up or a normal sibling fight could have ended with Rika hurting his little sister only for Yuta to further isolate.

Yuta!head-canon: He is hyper aware of others emotions and if there are changes to someone’s regular personality. He remembers tiny details of everything because that’s how he had to survive growing up. He had to monitor Rika constantly for little changes that could indicate she may explode or cause issues. This aspect also causes him to empathize deeply even with those who may not deserve it. He doesn’t want Rika to kill his bullies because he’s seen the kid menacing him is getting bullied by upperclassmen and understands what that means. That said if they fuck with someone he cares about all that empathy goes out the window and he’s going to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Yuta!Head-canon: Yuta has a circle of people very close to him and once you’re in that circle he is a true ride or die. Ask him for anything and trust that shit is getting done no matter how sketchy it sounds. He is the true definition of unconditional love (We all saw how Rika got and he still deeply loved her. ) and would support and trust you totally once you have proved worthy of it by actions.

Yuta!Headcanon: He is quick to fall in love and quick to let them go. If you give him even the littlest bit of praise or extra attention he’s going to get a crush on you. He can’t help it. He’s always held everyone so far away from him so any sort of domestic or doting affection would make him melt. That said he has always had to create firm boundaries around himself and others to protect people so if you told him you’re not interested or not to text you he would abide by that completely.

Yuta!headcanon his personality is that of self sacrifice. He could never be a yandere. He understands and thinks that your life would be better without him in it. How could he try and force someone to be with him? He accidentally did that to Rika and it plagued his mind constantly and was willing to die to let her rest in peace.

I had so much fun writing these out and sorry I hijacked your post!!! I’m so happy you enjoy the story and Toji’s entry should be fun!!!! Thank you for the ask love!!!

[hyenahunt]

Obbligato: The Punishment of Kaname Tojo - 6

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring

Characters: Kaname, Tatsumi

Proofreading: Remi (JP) & honeyspades (ENG)

Translation: Peace

Tatsumi: Idols are those who bring smiles to others’ faces, after all.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Kaname: ......

(Okay. Now that I've finished reporting to my brother, I've got to get onto my next job.)

(Hm? Wasn't I supposed to have lessons today? I thought I was doing something else...)

(I'll check my schedule — my brother's perfected it down to the second, so I'll know for sure then.)

(I have to follow it precisely. As long as I do exactly as he says, then I'll be fine.)

(I have to heed his instructions at all costs. I have to. No matter how hard it gets, I have to—)

... Hm?

(Huh? Who's that walking past the window... Wait, is that—)

Location: Reimei Practice Room

Kaname: —Tatsumi-senpai!

Tatsumi: ......

Kaname: I thought that maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me, but it really is you!

But... W-What are you doing here? Weren't you hospitalized?

Tatsumi: ... Ah, HiMERU-san. Good afternoon.

It's been some time since we last spoke, hasn't it? Have you lost some weight? I've heard that you've been flourishing lately, but it's best to rest every now and then.

Kaname: That's my line! You look terrible, senpai.

Why would you come back to school when you're still sick? Are you an idiot?

Tatsumi: Hahaha. I might just be an idiot, truthfully.

I was merely staying in a hospital, you see, not some prison where I'd be isolated from the world. I was still able to have a connection with those outside.

Though there were restrictions on when and where one could visit, patients are still able to use the internet and write letters to the outside world.

Kaname: What are you going on about?

Tatsumi: How wonderful life is, of course.

I was truly blown away by just how many people were calling for me to return. Not only the staff I had worked with, but all of my fans...

As well as my companions, with whom I worked beside and ate with.

So many people wished to speak with me again. How could I ever ignore their countless requests?

I decided then that I'd do as they asked no matter what it took, even if I should die.

Kaname: You really will die though. I'm serious. You were hospitalized for physical and mental reasons, Tatsumi-senpai — you don't look recovered at all, you know?

I can tell just looking at you. You know people really do die like this, don't you?

Their luck runs out, they push themselves too far — and then they die.

If you died, then all those who wished for your return would mourn you instead.

Please get your priorities straightened out, Tatsumi-senpai.

Tatsumi: I can feel your worry through your chiding, and I'm grateful for it.

In the perspective of others, particularly here at Reimei Academy, you and I are whom Special and Non-Special Students look to respectively...

As such, there seems to be rumors of us having something of a conflict of interests, as their representatives of a kind.

Kaname: To those who haven't a clue of what's going on, that's exactly what it looks like. In truth, I have acted as if I was taking what is rightfully yours.

Everyone thinks you must resent me for it, too. Anyone would.

Tatsumi: But I don't.

In fact, I'm grateful that you've continued my work while I was gone.

Kaname: Is that so? How like you, Tatsumi-senpai.

I know from the bottom of my heart, without a shadow of a doubt, that you don't resent me whatsoever.

Just as Judas Iscariot betrayed a saint for nothing more than chump change, so have I. But you won't resent me for it— you'll only grant me love and affirmation, won't you?

You'd even forgive those who'd crucify and kill you, wouldn't you!

Tatsumi: I am no saint, but thank you for thinking of me as such, however ridiculous the claim.

It'd be embarrassing to put me on the same level as those genuine saints who lived long ago.

I simply want to live up to everyone's expectations. I wish I could have shown you my hospital room, filled with fanmail from those who missed me.

Each one was filled with love, from every person I’ve met...

I want to give back the love I've received. I want them to feel as warm as I did reading each one.

It sounds rather odd, doesn't it?

But I do love everyone.

And, like anyone else, I want those I love to be happy as well.

Kaname: Then listen to me. If you were to collapse and die, no one would be happy! They'd just cry their eyes out and mourn you instead!

Honestly, Tatsumi-senpai, you've really screwed up your priorities.

You're so stupid I could laugh, you idiot.

Tatsumi: If I've made you laugh, then I've done my job well...

Tatsumi: Idols are those who bring smiles to others’ faces, after all.

Kaname: ......

Tatsumi: You know, HiMERU-san, I do want to be an idol.

I don't want to be the reverend of a shady religious following; I want to be someone who can be loved by others.

♪~♪~♪

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[mimiruku]

Hii~! Can I ask Self and Partner from the relationship meme for Miruku? (⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ⁠) I'm here for the tea.

█  𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐎𝐂 𝐀𝐒𝐊 ⸻ ( ⚝ )

I light up when i see you in my activity / inbox, i'm being so serious. thank you for indulging me once again !

╰┈➤     SELF   :   How is your OC's relationship with themself ? Does your OC like who they are ? Is there anything about themself that they would change ?

The self is ambiguous and uncertain, perpetually unable to recognize who he is. Fundamentally, he is a person of change, it's not hard to refashion himself, adjust in a way that he is easier to swallow ; but this leaves him in a moor like state, with uncultivated personhood , ( what are your future plans? dreams? your pride? and will ? these are things he does not have, these are things he borrows from other people. ) It's strangely isolating , though if you were to ask him, he would not have any desire to particularly go against the grains of sand , ' there is no need to fix something that isn't broken. '

of course, he is the way he is for the ' plot ' of it all, it's haphazard at best and uncoordinated ! but it is between Kawahira and the concept of ' protecting the planet ' ! and him being a vessel of sort ? I call his existence ' A message from earth ' hahaha, ( is this comprehensible, I doubt djsadhas but i tried! )

╰┈➤     PARTNER   :   Does your OC currently have a partner? Multiple partners? How did they meet, and what is that relationship like ?

Partnership is such a perfect word to describe his relationships, one that is devoid of proper ' labels ' ( of course unless asked otherwise. ) If not careful, he'll likely end up with ' multiple relationships ' with varying intimacy, like most things in his life, this too is unconventional and frankly? thoughtless. Friends and lovers are all the same to him, if he likes you enough, he'll chose to love you  ⸻  and a lover does what a lover will ;    HE WILL LOVE YOU,  unquestioned, full throttle and without hesitation, the problem being that he grows to like many people, you can imagine this childish conceptualization of relationship can get messy really quickly.

ex.   Reborn had to swiftly and effectively dissuade the growing brain funk inside Miruku's head : he's so attached to Reborn ! he'd have done anything and everything he asked ! Or how he had been effectively became a severe insecurity and love rival of both Tsunayoshi and Gokudera because he behaves and treats their crushes like his girlfriends, he had kissed them both on the lips at some point because ' what are friends for!'

It so follows that romantic endeavors with him might at first feels like pulling teeth , he looks at you with bright sparkling eyes, earnest enough to say i love you, i love you, love me back ? all the while being able to repeat that elsewhere.   ( funnily enough if anyone would have just told him 'we're exclusive now and don't do that to others' he'd have been like 'bet' and devoted his entire romanticism to you . . . unfortunately this is not a series where people know how to communicate, so everyone now has this problem too.   )

[atamascolily]

princess tutu re-watch, episode 15

awwww yeah, Coppelia episode!

(of all the ridiculous classic ballet plots, Coppelia is my favorite because it's literally "guy makes a doll so realistic, a teenage boy falls in love with it, only to nearly get sacrificed by its creator to bring her to life, but is rescued by his girlfriend pretending to be the doll, and then they get married like that whole thing didn't just happen". There's also an alternate, happier version where the creator helps the girlfriend troll her boyfriend for the lulz instead of trying to kill him, but either way, he gets a bag of money at the end, and it's a riot.)

also the parallels with Drosselmeyer, puppets, and everything going on with Rue and Mytho are obvious

Ahiru: Gosh, it sure was weird Mytho leaped out the window and I had to rescue him again! I sure hope nothing's wrong.

Fakir (watching Mytho sleep in a totally not-creepy way): I have no idea what's happening, but it's probably bad.

Fakir is right! It turns out that evil!Mytho is accusing Fakir of pushing him out of the window, and everyone believes it-- except for Ahiru, of course.

Neko-sensei's like, "look, you two, I've seen people do crazier things for love, so the best solution is for you two to no longer be roommates" but of course Mytho will not stop there.

conveniently, no one pays any attention to the random duck wandering around with a bundle of clothes on her back. Just a normal day at Gold Crown academy, apparently.

we learn from Pike that in addition to seeing Fakir push Mytho out the window, all of the eyewitnesses saw a "white bird" (Tutu) save him, as if he's protected by "the God of Dance", so not everyone can see her/notice the effects.

Mytho (looking at Pike and licking his lips): you have such a great heart. I'm going to eat it. Just rip it out and devour it whole. And--this is the best part--you're gonna thank me for it.

Fakir, your anger management issues and brusque manner, while understandable, are not winning you any friends here.

The evil raven is an eldritch horror living in what is basically a PMMM labyrinth, and a single talon dwarfs Rue completely.

here we see the real villain isn't Rue, but her "father", who has gaslighted her into believing herself ugly (because she's human) and that he and Mytho are the only people who can love her. Essentially, Rue is his tool, and so is Tutu, because only Tutu can restore the heart shards.

Fifteen episodes in, and we've learned more about Pike than in the previous fourteen episodes combined.

Rue mocking Fakir for his book learning may NOT be the most advisable decision when you're literally all characters in a story, hahaha

Pike sneaks out of the dorm at night and, ignoring all the major red flags, agrees to join Mytho's creepy cult of personality with zero hesitation whatsoever. Meanwhile, Ahiru manages to pass her stealth check for once.

love how Pike starts doing the Coppelia choreography to indicate her surrender

I think this is the first time Ahiru has turned into Princess Tutu of her own will, without Drosselmeyer saying her name first

the music is WAY too upbeat and cheerful for this scene, lol

Tutu: please don't join a cult, it's not worth it, I promise

Pike: lol, okay *passes out*

Mytho is just really not having a good time with this, poor kid, being possessed by your worst enemy has got to suck even without the prospect of literal and metaphorical cannibalism

then Ahiru has to deal with TWO people passed out in the town square, good thing she can use Tutu's magic to cover it

Pike (waking up): Where… am I?

Lilie (with a tray): Good morning! Ahiru hauled your drunk ass back home after beating you to a pulp first!

Pike: Well, I don't know about that bit, but I sure was drunk… on love or something. What the hell was I thinking letting an older man lure me into isolated secondary locations even if he was hot and mysterious?

meanwhile, Fakir got suspended and is going home to Charon's place for brooding and serious research.

Fakir: Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions come back to haunt me. But it's fine, I don't care (he said caringly through gritted teeth).

(if that last sentence doesn't sum up Fakir's character, I don't know what does)

[bluegekk0]

i think that this song somehow fits feral pk for some reason in my head and i wanted to share it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SECVGN4Bsgg

Men At Work - Who Can It Be Now?

i imagine that what if feral pale king was still paranoid and anxious that the point that he always isolates himself because he always thinks of his past failures as a king.

Despite that the radiance is defeated and long gone. Feral Pale King has intense fear and trauma so strong that is slowly damaging his mental health. feral pk still thinks that the radiance is watching him and is secretly plot revenge for feral pale king to make him suffer. In feral pk's mind, the radiance is patiently waiting for feral pk to let his guard down. which is the reason why feral pk became feral

and that thought gives pale king so much nightmares even though that the radiance is no longer here in hallownest

imagine an au of this au that feral pk is 10x depressed than before with a sprinkle of more angst. an au where feral pk is still paranoid of the radiance despite the radiance is dead which makes it pointless to be fearful of

an au where hornet tries to help feral pk overcome their depression and trauma

sorry for this long ask, Men At Work - Who Can It Be Now? reminds me of a depressed feral pk hiding in a cave with unwanted thoughts

oh damn this song takes me back ahahahaha thank you for reminding me of it

funnily enough, the way i see him in my head (which i don't really portray in my art much, i'll admit) he is very paranoid. not about the radiance, he's assured that she's gone. in the au, grimm is her half brother, and if there's anyone who could confirm that the radiance is no more, it would be him

instead, he is paranoid about pretty much everything else. in particular about failing everyone yet again, and hurting those close to him. the deaths of all the vessels that he was responsible for have devastated him, and it's the main thing that keeps his mental health in shambles. there are good parts to his new life, and he loves it and wants to experience the happy moments, but every so often he is hit by the reminder of what he did and how much of a failure he is. that, and all of his trauma that he can't process properly. those are the things that fuel his nightmares and constantly stress him out, no matter how happy he might be with his family around

so you're not that far off with your au idea. there is a lot of angst to fpk, and he is very much a depressed, broken man. i suppose the biggest difference is the radiance, even if she's gone in both the actual au, and your idea for the side au. also to the last part, hornet's involvement in his healing in the fpk au is a bit complicated, since she has a lot of her own issues to process and deal with. but they stick together, and that helps both of them in the long run. so i suppose in a way she does end up helping him, with the addition that she also manages to overcome her own issues thanks to him

but yeah, this was a very interesting ask! i really like this idea, it's not something i have considered, but it makes sense and i think it would be interesting to write about. if things went a bit differently with my vision, i could totally see myself going there, i might have actually considered something like that at one point if i remember correctly, though evidently it didn't go past the idea phase. so it's cool to see that someone else reached a similar concept hahaha

"reminds me of a depressed feral pk hiding in a cave with unwanted thoughts" <- i could totally see that even for the "main" fpk au btw. he does that a lot, even if he now swapped a cave for his dirtmouth house bedroom and a burrow made from blankets hah

thanks for the ask again! i don't mind getting longer asks btw, i actually really enjoy reading through them, so i appreciate this! sorry if my response is a bit incoherent, i haven't re-read it before posting. i'm very exhausted after the barbenheimer bomb (figuratively and literally) earlier today and i wanted to respond before going to bed

[henrysglock]

Hey so I have totally fallen down the hole here in regards to Henry-Will Phantomgate! I blame you hahaha! And so when I saw some interesting tidbits yesterday they hit me even harder than usual.

So I was just on twitter and saw someone tweet a screen cap of Will in the California school, and it was a screencap of when he was being flirted with by his pretty classmate. They were talking about how in the show they block characters with things right behind them, behind their head etc, that are often clues to the plot and whatnot, and I’ve seen this mentioned before and seen other examples where this very much fits. Well this screencap, where’s Will is being overtly flirted with and looks very uncomfortable, he has a book right behind his head with the word HENRY in bold letters! I was shook! :0

and then remember that tweet going around from the strangers writers? let’s start a new party you and me? what if that line we have been teased about, and many assumed would be byler and come from Mike, is actually said by VECNA instead? 

vecna to will after he takes him to the upside down again and tries to convince will to join him: let’s start a new party, you and me. !!

it’s the perfect way for phantom!vecna to try and woo Will when he already feels isolated from his friends/the party anyways. It’s also subtextual still but a lot more romantically coded (so romantically coded everyone assumed it was said by Mike) so it won’t go totally unnoticed by those catching on to the themes. It’s also a great call back to mike asking: what if you want to join a new party? and will says: not possible. like sorry vecna!

also not even gonna touch on all the 👀 things Jamie has said in his interviews about Will and Henry… oh yea something is up lol

I take it this is the big POTO ask the other anon was referring to! So at long last I have an answer for you, Nonnie!

First - I have Many thoughts about that scene in Cali. It's something that's been running circles in my head. Because if, per timeline theory, Edward Creel is Vecna/One, and Vecna doesn't mention Will at all, then why is Henry right behind Will's Mindflayer spot? And how does that tie in with the Everything Else?

It goes back to something I've done deep dives about re: costuming but only touched on briefly re: narratives...and it's that they are different guys:

like...undeniably. In both face and costuming. Mindflayer guy in symbiosis is also referred to as "the shadow/shadow monster". So if Edward is Vecna, he and Henry are each other's Jungian shadows, and the Mindflayer is the shadow while being separate from Vecward...then it stands to reason that a version of Henry be the leading figure here (I have thoughts about this re: who went where, because there are at least two copies and there's some stuff about absorption that I need to flesh out more).

It would also track with something else I have a full post coming about, which is the Billy-Heather duality. They're special from the rest of the flayed, and while Billy acts distinctly Edward...Heather not so much. She's similar, almost enough to be mistaken as an extension of Billy, but she's clearly different from the rest of them. I'm particularly intrigued by the line "She could have killed me" from Billy, and Heather's response being "Yes, but not us" before panning to a number of dormant flayed...which she, for some reason, is separate from.

And when she finally does merge with the flayed, Billy remains entirely autonomous from the fleshflayer. The whole season feels like a merger between Vecna and the Mindflayer, especially with the emergence of the clawed tentacle face grab stuff.

Thus, Henry showing up Will's Mindflayer spot...would track. Hard. It would tie up the loose ends re: Heather, attack imagery swaps (invasive tentacle penetration vs external mouth grabbing with an orific/suck-pumping behavior more similar to Vecna's claw), character paralleling (Will and Henry being paralleled behaviorally, but El being more behaviorally similar to our Edward figure), and lack of associations (Vecna as we know him presently not being visually associated with Will or the Shadow, only El, but the first 2 seasons being almost insanely Will-specific).

This would also set us up for Will confronting the guy who actually did the POTO-coded stuff: Mindflayer Guy. Vecna as we know him presently doesn't have quite as much Phantom coding as Mindflayer Guy does. They both do, just in unequal amounts re: Will.

So...tl;dr: Distinction between Vecna and Mindflayer Guy!!

I could absolutely see a situation where mostly-human Mindflayer Guy pulls the Big Sad Wet Eyes and tries to pull Will to his side with his (admittedly gut-wrenching) backstory and the "we're the same, you and I/surely you understand/etc." sales pitch (whether he truly believes it or not, it is still a sales pitch). And while we all know it probably wouldn't win Will over, it would definitely be enough to make him even more conflicted about using violence/brutality.

The whole thing in POTO is that Christine chooses to "start her new party" (so to speak) with Raoul rather than the Phantom, and after she shows him compassion, he realizes the harm he's done and the monster he's become. Her goodness is the mirror. So while I don't think the words "let's start a new party, you and me" would come from the HenFlayer (imo they sound more Mike in tone than Henry)...the vibe is definitely there. And the whole thing is definitely cast in a romantic light, especially if Will were made to choose between his love interest and the HenFlayer.

Which, I agree: that would totally solidify all the shit from previous seasons that has been left up in the air as to intent, even if the actions themselves are blatant SA.

AND JAMIE SDKFJDKSJFH God okay so. Here's the thing. The film is the Thing, and what actors say reflects their current understanding of their characters (i.e. not necessarily reflective of ST5). However. That, in conjunction with Noah joking about rizzing up Vecna...I see them. I see them.

Something is definitely up, and it's going to be gut wrenching either way. Will deserves his confrontation, even if it won't end in violence the way some fans think it will.

[snellyfish]

DRDT FAN LET'S GOOOOOO

Ahem,

1. Thoughts on the drdt fandom's popular ships?

2. Any theories for Ch2?

Omg you guys feed me so much. Putting this under a read more bc I'm starting to feel bad for rambling + DESPAIR TIME SPOILERS!??!!

hmmhmmhmhmhmmm trying to remember popular ships off the top of my head .... Sorry if I missed any, I'm not up to date with my fandom lore T_T Will probably edit this later for ship names I forgot, since I'm too lazy to look em up rn lole

Obviously Verturo #1 forever I will spout my Verturo propaganda until I DIE. No thoughts only rotating them in my mind. I sincerely hope they have another movie night and Veronika gets to kill someone and Arturo either feels heartbroken for having fallen for her previously or is impressed and finally admittedly likes her afterwards. Don't know whatcha got til it's gone. Haha. Hehe. Either way. I obviously have hesitations and fears regarding Arturo's character and where it'll take him, so I really can't feel you can get into it too much until he's become less one-note but AUUGHGH I'm impatient and insane,,, Verturo call me back,,,,,, Veronika should ask him to vivisect her for fun I mean-What If They Killed Someone Together #Slay

Teruko/Min is sooooo<333 UGH!!! Tragic lesbians,,, love their interactions before the trial too! Need to think about them more, honestly

Unsure if it's still popular--all things considered--but I still think Xander/Teruko is very interesting; even/especially in canon. But alas, I await to learn more lore about their situation, particularly Xander's.......

Charwhit is super cute! No matter the context of the dynamic, romantic/platonic/qp whatever, I love em they are so sweet 😭😭 Charles deserves someone kind, but not a pushover yesman, ykno!

Xanvid has potential for sure,, buuuut I feel like the reasons I like it are wayyy different than the reasons it's popular LOL, so I don't see much or any content for it that aligns with the interpretation I like? 🤔 Still fun ig

Ace/Levi is a no from me but I get it...

I don't thhhhink it's popular..? but HI where's the Xanwhit representation. I'm not huge on them but they just make me smile sometimes :) <-- like this

Finally, but unfortunately, I can't exactly say I have any chapter 2 predictions, honestly! All I've been thinking about is how the hell Teruko is gonna come back from this one, in terms of ykno,,, interacting with her classmates again, considering what a hasty rift she's already dug into the game and between everyone and herself. Although, I suppose it would be good timing for everyone else to trauma bond together with Teruko left out? Bc I just imagine she's isolating herself, she had quite a nasty breakdown after all HAHA. But I dunno... I haven't thought about it too hard, and don't have a full grasp on Teruko's character yet, we'll just have to wait and see 👁️👁️

And I haven't personally read any fantheories (or try to avoid em) because sometimes theories for any media in general make too much sense I don't wanna spoil it for me if they end up true/accurate HAHAHA silly brain

[anotherghoul666]

I want to know the answer to so many of those questions for the ao3 wrapped. I'll settle for these though: 3, 9 and 28

Buddy, please, you could ask all of them and I'd jump for joy and answer every single one. Engagement is author food and I hunger like nobody's business XD If you want to know the answer to anything else, please send them over. Never hesitate to engage with me. I'd wager most authors would also love the engagement but I don't want to speak for everyone, so maybe check in first, but I LOVE it. I don't find it cringe, I don't find spam likes or reblogs annoying, I love asks, do your worst!

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

This Could All Be Yours! Because this beast was an ORDEAL to make. I actually pushed through and produced something that I can legit enjoy now that I've stepped away from it. So much shit happened while I was actively writing the stripper!AU. I wrote it through an insane work rush where I'd do 10 days in a row no breaks spent between my two jobs because of the stupid holiday season, have a day off to recover, then get shoved back in it again. I wrote it through a covid outbreak in my residents at job 1 from which we were not properly protected. I wrote it under the threat and stress of maybe catching covid again, maybe giving covid to my partner, maybe ruining the holidays for everybody cause both our families have immunocompromised members so we had to isolate preventively besides going to work. I wrote it through a good ol' bout of the Spicy Sad. I somehow managed to write Rain to a satisfying standard where I love how I wrote him now but while I was doing it? Holy shit did this cryptid stump me and made want to pull my hair out xD Every scene with him did not flow while I wrote, it was slow and painful and like pulling teeth. Many people have had me in their DMs complaining about why is our water boy so fucking hard to write XD And in the end it worked out so good and I love himmmmm but my god, I had another Rain fic planned right after this and NOPE XD I need a Rain break, I can't put myself through that again so soon hahaha. I can write him well but he's the ghoul I struggle with the most. So yeah. Through all that shit, I wrote almost 20k of what I find to be a very well build verse I'm excited to go back inside of, and I'm proud I managed to get it out in these circumstances!

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

Besides the obvious answer of polyghouls because I ship them all as a poly unit, my favorite dynamic is Swiss/Dew. These two together are magic. They're a fucking forest fire. They are so much fun to write, they're natural, they flow so well, they're painless, and I can push shit with them. Swiss is my go-to sadist, Dew is my go-to masochist (even if I 100% plan to make them switch, because all my ghouls are switches, and Dew has a mean sadistic streak too). I'm a fervent follower of the Hurt Dew 2k22 agenda and I shall pursue some version of Hurt Dew 2k23 too, honestly. It's just, right on target for what I love to write the most, these two. The banter, the back and forth, the meanness, the issues, the humiliation and shame sweet spot, the pain and shared delight, that manic electric energy they get into, on a backdrop of so much love and care and trust. They're the pair I realistically see pushing their kink the furthest in terms of edge play and real heavy shit that teeters lines and limits and I love that vibe. I cannot wait to write more of their brand of tender violence. I want to see see how much I can push with these two in the future, how far I'll take them in terms of the more niche or "extreme" kinks and edge play. That's the kind of exploration that really gets my experimentalist kinkster mind going!

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

Drought or Euphoria probably. It's the most self-indulgent work I wrote for sure, in terms of saying fuck it, this will not be for everybody, but it's what gets me off, and I will write something I'd get off to if I found it in the wild. Turns out, more people than I had expected have suddenly found themselves with an sudden new interest for leather boots hahaha. Yall are welcome for the sexual awakening btw ;) But yeah. Most of the key elements in this fic are self indulgent. It's me pressing my own buttons. The gratuitous descriptions of Swiss and his salt and pepper facial hair that makes me weak in the knees. The whole "consensually twisting someone's arm and tricking them to make them do what you want" dynamic Swiss enacts on Dew. The descriptions of the smell and taste of leather, that's for me to have the scent in my nose and the taste in my mouth while I write. The boot worship. The obedience. The devotion. The humiliation. The shameless projection of my own oral fixation and enthusiasm for blow jobs on Dew, which is now something I've kept on his character for good and will write more of. The monstrous tongue which is me displaying my inner monster fucker. The denial ending. This shit is like, my own kryptonite. I will happily write for kinks that aren't my favs or aren't even kinks I have, for requests or exploration's sake. But oooh boy, when I get to just make an entire fic to be a collection of *my* shit, it's pure fun and it goes to the top of the favorite list real fast hahaha.

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Mercelot Week 2023 Day 6: Ocean/Missing Clothes (When Love Was An Act Of Defiance Sneak Peak)

In which Lancelot doesn't die and that changes... well, not that much, actually. Up until it does.

<< That's what the summary would be IF I HAD A COMPLETE FIC TO POST. These are sneak peaks posted as part of Mercelot Week 2023.

-----------------------------

Nothing to make you feel lov-warm and fuzzy like your bro buddy lending you his jacket. Literally, nothing but warm fuzzy feelings here, hahaha. So, about that Caerleon…

Fill for Day 6: Ocean/Missing Clothes! From ep His Father's Son (4x05) or "I'm Sorry, For I Never Felt Like Anybody". These are a few scenes put together. Um. Implied off-scene violence. Also, what do I even tag for Agravaine? Just uhhh watch out for manipulation and isolation.

Ao3

“So,” Merlin said, when Lancelot walked up to where he was rooting around his bag. “Not Odin.”

“I heard.” He glanced back to the group of knights he’d left guarding their prisoners. “Men from Caerleon.”

“Not only Caerleon’s men — King Caerleon himself was found among them.” Merlin gestured back. His cape swished with his arm and exposed the armour he wore underneath.

“Huh.”

“Arthur is here as well,” he pointed out.

Lancelot looked back at his face and blinked. He thought back, trying to figure out where that comment had come from and how to answer it.

“True,” he said eventually, “but there’s a difference between taking part in a military endeavor that could affect the peace of two kingdoms and going along on a raid of a border patrol— what are you doing?”

Merlin finished unlacing his cape and folded it into his bag. “Well, it’s all a bit heavy.”

Lancelot watched him fumble with one vambrace, then the other.

“We are still a way from the castle,” he said, eyes on Merlin's hands as he took off his belt.

“Yes, but…” he pressed his lips together before spreading them in a rueful smile. “Everyone’s staring at me. It’s fine,” he chuckled when Lancelot shifted guiltily. “I get it. I look a little ridiculous like this.”

“No, you don’t,” Lancelot denied at once. Maybe even with too much force, he reflected, when a few knights turn around.

“Odd, then,” Merlin conceded. He pulled his chainmail up to his head, but it kept falling and getting caught on his nose, so he couldn’t get it off.

“You’re wrong,” Lancelot insisted, grabbing the chainmail himself. “No one’s laughing at you.”

Merlin blinked owlishly at him, his hair in disarray, and Lancelot contradicted himself immediately.

“That was easier to put on,” Merlin defended himself, patting his hair down. He started tugging at the lacings of his gambeson and sighed. “See, this? This I will miss. It’s so warm.”

“So keep it,” Lancelot shrugged. “At least, until we get back. It’s not like I need two of them.”

Merlin slowed down. “Are you sure?” He played with the strings some more, but he didn’t unlace them. He kept arguing half-heartedly, “It’ll be weird, me doing the dishes, dressed like a noble.”

“No, you know what actually looks ridiculous?” Lancelot reached up to scrub Merlin’s face, but stopped when he realized that he was wearing gloves. He gestured to it instead. “You have half the Plains on your face, you rascal, you should clean up.” Merlin laughed and Lancelot couldn’t keep up his nagging front, cracking up as well. “I mean it!”

“It’s not worth it!” Merlin ran the back of his hand through his cheeks, smudging the dirt there instead of cleaning it. “I’ll just get dirty again!”

“Do you like having dirt on your face?” Merlin shook his head, still laughing and rubbing, so Lancelot shrugged. “Then clean it and, if it gets dirty again, clean it again.”

“It sounds like common sense when you say it.” Merlin dropped his hands and sighed. “Alright, but can you go sit with Arthur while I run to the river?”

Lancelot was a little confused at his apparent belief that the king needed to be babysat, but he wasn’t going to argue. He looked around.

“Where is he?” Lancelot frowned at Arthur’s absence.

“Agravaine’s convinced him they need to set up their own camp away from the rest to discuss Caerleon privately,” Merlin sneered.

“Really.”

“They’ve set up guards, too.” He pointed to a fire a little way off.

Lancelot blew out a breath. “Sure, I’ll go.”

“Thanks. Too much time alone with Agravaine and he might decide to build his own castle to protect state secrets,” Merlin quipped before walking away, leaving Lancelot to control his laughter.

He was still sniggering when he came upon the guards around Arthur and Agravaine’s fire. One made to raise his axe, but he changed his mind with a roll of his eyes and let him through.

“We're not on the borders now, Agravaine. This is the heart of the kingdom. He took a grave risk coming here,” Arthur was saying, incensed.

“Perhaps he doesn't see it that way,” Agravaine suggested. Arthur’s whole stance demanded an explanation, so he went on, “I fear it's no coincidence that all this has happened since Uther's death.”

“What do you mean?”

“Arthur, your father was a strong king,” Agravaine extolled. “His enemies feared and respected that strength.”

“Are you saying I'm not worthy of that respect?” Arthur challenged.

“No, sire, not at all,” Agravaine soothed, the very image of deference. “There isn't a citizen of Camelot who would not lay down their life for you.” He stood up and continued emphatically, “But your enemies...to the enemies of Camelot, you are still untested as a king. You must send a clear message that any action against Camelot will be met without mercy.”

“Did we not achieve that here today?” Arthur asked.

“Yes, Agravaine,” Lancelot cut in at last. “We’ve just curtailed a raiding operation that’s been going on for months, led by the king of a renowned warrior nation. Whatever they thought they could achieve here, we’ve proved them wrong.”

Arthur accepted his presence with no more than a slight start, but Agravaine shot a glance at the guards, as if wondering how he’d gotten past.

“Have we?” he disagreed. “Will this be enough to deter the likes of Odin, who is still at large,” he reminded Arthur, “and Bayard and the countless others who covet Camelot's wealth?”

“We don’t know that they’re our enemies, but that will change if we treat them as such,” Lancelot cautioned.

To his dismay, Arthur raised a hand to quiet him and turned to his uncle.

“Well, what do you suggest?”

“I suggest that we force him to accept a treaty on our terms,” Agravaine bid in an urgent tone, stepping closer to Arthur for full effect. “He must withdraw his men from our land, return our territories to us.”

Arthur shared a look with Lancelot. He was forced to agree to the wisdom of the plan. It was something Caerleon would’ve had to do either way after his defeat, but setting them as release terms would put the power wholly on Arthur’s hands. Agravaine glanced his way as well, an indecipherable flicker on his face.

“He must surrender Everwick,” he went on.

Lancelot almost choked on air, letting out a mix between a cough and an incredulous laugh.

“He’d rather die than agree to such terms,” Arthur rejected the idea, gesturing to Lancelot as if he’d made a good argument.

“Then you are left with no choice,” Agravaine concluded with a regretful shake of his head.

“Except for not enforcing terms which you know are unreasonable in the first place,” Lancelot denied, still laughing, but starting to sober up. “What happened to not strangling people with that iron hand?”

“Camelot’s people, of course, but we can’t expect the king to treat everyone like he would his own subjets,” Agravaine mocked, but Lancelot stood firm.

“Can’t he?”

“Sir Lancelot, you’re a good warrior. A good knight,” Agravaine said with an admiring smile. “I wish all men were like you. But they’re not. So we, as statesmen” —he turned back to Arthur, closing Lancelot out— ”must be equal to them.”

“Lancelot’s right, I can't just kill a man in cold blood,” Arthur balked.

“Arthur, you must do what you need to do to assert your authority on this land,” Agravaine insisted.

Arthur shook his head. “Well, there must be another way.”

“There's no other way.” He offered Arthur a look halfway between sympathetic and encouraging. “Think on it. Decide by tomorrow.”

He rose to his feet and left to the knights’ area. Lancelot wondered why he’d insisted on setting the space apart for himself and Arthur if he wasn’t going to use it, but decided there were more important things to worry about.

“You know, you don’t actually have to decide by tomorrow,” he said. Arthur didn’t answer. “We can take him to Camelot. Think through the terms. Even if you decide to go through with Agravaine’s plan and Caerleon refuses, you can take it to the queen—“

“So, I go crying to his wife when he rejects my terms?” Arthur scoffed. “I’ll look weak. Same as if I delay taking action. He’ll think I’m indecisive, or feeble, which…” he let out a barking laugh.

“Well, if he does, he’s wrong,” Lancelot argued, “because you—“

“I need some time to think,” Arthur dismissed him.

Lancelot grit his teeth. Then, he bowed and walked away. At least, he wasn’t leaving him alone with Agravaine.

“Whatever Lancelot’s told you, I hope he didn’t forget to mention that I want peace and quiet,” was how Arthur greeted Merlin when he returned. It was, in fact, pretty much what he’d expected from Lancelot’s description.

“Well, after escaping a horde of angry warriors, so do I,” he shot back, wrangling a snort out of his friend. He didn’t push his good mood, though, setting out his sleeping roll instead. Arthur’d probably realize what a bad idea this was on his own. For his part, Merlin wiggled on the ground, enjoying the added comfort the gambeson provided, and fell asleep at once.

He still didn’t worry when he woke up to the sight of Arthur’s empty, unused roll. He was concerned, sure, but for him, not about him.

He went to the creek, drank some water from Arthur’s cup, then refilled it and brought it to him. It took a couple of tries to get his attention. That he’d let the fire die also spoke to his frame of mind. Still, it’s wasn’t until Merlin saw the pile of kindle to the side, as full as he'd left it the night before, which Arthur would’ve used if he’d noticed that it was needed at all, that his alarm was set off.

He played nonchalant as he worked on the fire.

“You must be cold.” No response but a vague movement of the head. “Have you slept at all?”

“Been thinking.”

“About what Agravaine said?” Merlin prodded.

Arthur scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Honestly.”

“You would’ve told me anyway,” Merlin defended himself and Lancelot, but Arthur was too busy laughing to pay attention.

“What are you wearing?!” He gestured to him.

Merlin looked down at the gambeson he’d tugged on unconsciously. He shrugged. “It’s cold. He said I could keep it until we got back to Camelot.”

“Of course he did.” Arthur was barely biting down a smile.

“He already brought one for himself,” he pointed out. It was actually feeling rather warm out there, all of a sudden.

“It only makes sense,” Arthur agreed. That is, he should have agreed, since it was the truth, but there was a definite mocking edge to his tone. “He’s so sensible, that Lancelot.”

“He is.” Merlin wished he could say that he pulled them back to Agravaine’s plan because he’d sensed that Arthur was in a more amenable mood, or that it seemed like a good segue. In truth, he was just flustered by Arthur’s mystifying jokes, doubly so by the inkling that they weren't that mystifying at all, so he crushed it all down. “Like his ideas about how to deal with Caerleon.”

“Merlin.” Arthur lost his cheer.

“They’re good,” Merlin insisted. “And they don’t involve murdering someone, which clearly bothers you, if it kept you up all night—“

“They’re good ideas for dealing with Caerleon today,” Arthur said. “They’re not good enough to keep him away. Or anyone who might come after him, who’ll be looking at how I act now for weaknesses." He gave a thoughtful nod. "I must have none. Show that I'm worthy of my father's name.”

“Caerleon won't sign it.” Merlin asserted. Arthur’s jaw twitched, so he pressed, “You know that?”

“Caerleon brought this upon himself,” Arthur declared, voice as steely as he probably wished he was.

“Arthur,” Merlin started, hoping to remind him of the truth. “You've always shown mercy in battle. You've never sought to humiliate your enemy in this way. This isn't like you. This isn't who you are—”

“You have no idea what it is to make these decisions,” Arthur cut him off. “Decisions that will shape the future of this land.”

“Arthur—" There were so many things wrong with that sentence and so many reasons he couldn’t correct it. He didn’t even get to try.

“So, please…” He didn’t raise his voice. He didn’t get angry. Still, there was no room for argument. "Stick to what you do know.”

He left without another word. After a while of sitting by the fire, Merlin sniffed and took off the gambeson. It was warm enough.                        

Arthur didn’t order Lancelot to gather the knights and Caerleon for a negotiation meeting. He sent Agravaine to do it. Who informed him of Arthur’s wishes loud enough that everyone heard him and knew, exactly, how the chain of command went. Lancelot grit his teeth against the snub. He told himself he might have known if he’d stuck to Arthur the way Agravaine did, if he’d taught him he could rely on Lancelot the way his uncle had. He reminded himself that Agravaine did outrank him, if not officially as the Constable, then unofficially as Arthur’s closest living relative. He did this quite forcefully when he was handed the roll of parchment Caerleon was too prideful to take so that he could hold it open for him to read.

He also told himself that the disdainful look Agravaine shot them was directed at Caerleon.

He shook his head. These were such small snubs. Everything seemed to irritate him that morning. Against his will, his eyes drifted towards the edge of the clearing, where Merlin was standing, but he dragged them back to Caerleon. This wasn’t the time to obsess over his decision to trade the gambeson for his jacket. Even the justifications he tried to tell himself, like how he might prefer his own clothes’ comfort, had no place at a moment like this.

“You expect me to sign this? To humiliate myself before you?” Caerleon demanded once he finished reading, as if to prove it.

“You invaded our kingdom and took what did not belong to you,” Agravaine accused.

“And if I do not sign?” Caerleon’s whole demeanor was detached. He either thought there would be no actual repercussions for his actions, or he felt so much disdain for them that there wasn't room left for fear.

“Then you will pay, with your life.” Agravaine spoke as if by rote, at least to Lancelot, who knew how he expected this negotiation to go from the start. Besides that, though, there was an unnerving relish in his tone.

Caerleon scoffed. “And who makes these terms?”

The answer to that was obvious, but the act of questioning itself carried quite the punch. To Agravaine, it reminded him that, whatever his posturing, he was still acting on someone else’s orders. To Arthur…

“Arthur Pendragon,” he declared, walking forward at last. “King of Camelot.” He gave no indication that, with a throwaway comment, Caerleon had torn apart the effect he’d wished to create by having his second-in-command speak to him.

A passing thought reminded Lancelot that Arthur was using the same tactic with the enemy king that he’d used on him that morning. He stamped it down. Arthur had just been passing a message along. He hadn’t meant to emphasize Lancelot’s lack of importance. Even if that was what had ended up happening.

Caerleon pushed his arm, still holding up the treaty, out of the way. Percival tried to stop him from stepping towards Arthur, but he shoved him away, too. He kept a derisive sneer at all times, but he wasn’t forceful or even threatening.

“Very well. Then make it quick,” he told Arthur, taking a knee.

Arthur shifted his jaw. Lancelot understood his hesitance. This was what they’d expected to happen all along. In some ways, although he was sure that Arthur didn’t see it that way, being able to not just make the threat, but also carry through with it would be for the best. It would leave no doubt as to their strength, no possible suspicion that they’d been bluffing. And yet, there was a dignity in Caerleon’s bearing, even in his quickness to submit, that made their attempts at a powerplay look like a children’s tantrum.

“Think what you're doing, Caerleon,” Arthur said. “This treaty could seal a truce between us. There would be peace. Like there was between your father and mine.”

Hearing his words, so full of hope for peace, something eased in Lancelot’s chest. He hadn’t been aware before that moment that he’d doubted Arthur’s intentions. If they were going to commit regicide, Lancelot thought wryly, at least it was due to an honest belief that it would be best for the kingdom and not to assuage his ego. It shouldn’t have made as much of a difference for him, but it did.

A pity that Caerleon didn’t appreciate it.

“I am not my father” —he paused, his voice turning contemptuous— “and you are not Uther.” He watched the effect of his words on Arthur, then went on, almost conversationally, “Do you really have the guts to kill me?”

Arthur took a moment to respond. To Lancelot’s trained eye, it was clear that he was still reeling and trying to recover.

“You leave me no other choice,” he said.

“You do not choose anything, boy!” Caerleon finally let go of his temper. Lancelot wondered if Agravaine’s influence was that obvious, when he continued, “It is I who choose to die, and I alone. Now, get on with it.”

He bent over even further, offering up his neck to Arthur. All eyes went to their king, waiting to see what he’d do. There was still time to back down. Not without looking bad, things had gotten too far for that, but dammit, Lancelot thought, maybe that was what Arthur deserved after pushing for this at all. He could fix still it, though.

If he wanted to.

“So be it,” Arthur declared. He unsheathed his sword.

Notes:

No, for real, what do I tag for Agravaine? Made a small change in that last scene from “no choice” to “no other choice” to fit better with Caerleon’s next comment, because like, yeah, he just said that he doesn’t choose anything. Duh. This isn't the last we've seen of the gambeson, but this one's already kinda long and the two other scenes are too involved with ~~~the plot~~~.

[thisdreamplace]

Hi Dream 💞💞 how are you?

I want to get something off my chest. There's this SP that I've been having the typical experience with, you know, hot and cold behavior. Since last year my approach to the law has been a bit similar to yours, allowing things into being, letting go, living and loving life hehe. But my romantic relationships and my self concept in romantic relationships is still somehow... chaotic? A mess? I isolated myself from any potential romantic interest for over a year thinking that being alone was going to be the solution. I then met this guy, let's call him B. B and I met online, I was not really interested in him but eventually I started having fun with him and our chats were cool. I was enjoying who I was with him and I was very chill tbh. Then B started being too busy to chat with me (this has been a pattern, that I have experienced even in friendships) and I started freaking out and chasing him. B slowly started fading away and then it became a cycle of him texting me whenever he was not busy, and basically giving me breadcrumbs, and I was down so bad that I got addicted to this.

Now I'm bored of this dynamic, and also bored of B and don't have any energy left. I decided I seriously need to focus on my self love because I clearly haven't been giving myself enough. I want to move on from him, but I don't want to hold the image of me being his victim, idk if you know what I mean? I was conscious all the time, and I knew what was happening, and I allowed it. I am a victim of myself. I don't want to hold him responsible? Or to hold judgements of him? Yk to keep him in my memory as the asshole B hahah. But also, he kinda was an asshole. But somehow seeing him like an asshole consequently makes me feel like his victim and it keeps me attached to this narrative of "oh he damaged me". I don't know if you understand me HAHAHA. But I also feel resistance towards seeing him like an angel boy lmao. Do I believe he has potential to be an angel boy? Sure, everyone can change, but at the same time, I do feel victimized if I'm fully honest with myself. I do feel like a part of me knows I am fully responsible for myself, and there's no point in blaming anyone but it also feels very easy to blame it all on him and hate him, but then again, I don't want to hate or judge.

Thank you for this blog, it has been a source of support and guidance for me...

hello lovely !! <3 i am doing very well, whenever spring is in the air, i feel so in love ! :)))) how are you ?

that bit about isolating yourself bc u thought it was the solution. so relatable, lmao. thank you for sharing all of this !

i totally understand everything you are saying, as for the past couple years since knowing the law i also felt that way. i refused to hold anyone accountable for anything, because i felt like it was my responsibility to take as, just like you said, i was fully conscious and am a victim of myself. but tbh, this only made things harder and didnt stop people from doing what they wanted. when i started to accept the pain i felt, the way i saw them (they did this to me, and yeah it hurt and im upset, etc etc), i actually started being able to move on and stop harbouring resentments. (bc telling myself i should take responsbility for them only created resentment, bc it wasnt true to how i rly felt inside of my heart) this isn't so much about blame but staying true to yourself. let yourself have that moment to fully digest and feel the way your experience with him has been. bc then you will feel much more free to move into love and nonjudgment and ultimately freedom... rather than trying to force yourself into it now, because you know its what you "should" do. i hope this is helpful <3

i'm so thankful that my blog has been helpful for you, thank you for sharing that :') xo

[tumblingxelian]

I'm reading your Chloe piece. Woof, it is a lot. I will admit that I do not innately disagree and do agree is some areas of your take on Chloe.

Just... well... some of your examples seem to... simplified? Like obviously I didn't expect you to go back and thoroughly rewatch the episodes your provide examples for. Buuuut I'm not sure how that Kagami/Chloe comparison shakes out to start.

Plus, I guess she could've been a more skilled but arrogant fashion designer in the making to rival Marinette. However, I do feel the point of her lack of skill was how she thought her money and father being mayor would make it come easy to her.

Also Clara was hoping to spread positivity and with her music video so somebody known to be difficult to work with would be rejected.

Mind you, I haven't finished this so expect expansions to come. I do appreciate the lengthy response. I can tell that you put your heart into it even with my issues.

OK found the first one XD

I put a lot of effort into it, and did say it was a doozy, hahaha, for anyone interested it can be found here.

I feel this is less a case of simplified and more the point of my comparison not being communicated clearly.

Chloe & Kagami both go to audition for roles in which they both 100% have the sills and are vastly more qualified than basically anyone else there, or literally anyone else there in Chloe's case.

Both are proud and flaunt their skill and basically antagonize everyone as part of their bid to claim their role. Both end up not getting it due to personal bias rather than a lack of skill.

Both are upset and lash out over this, Chloe via her father and Kagami via Hawk Moth. Which ties into the point I made regarding how Chloe is symbolically representative of the grounded version of what HK represents.

IE, someone is upset and lashes out, and while they need to be stopped, addressing the root cause will stop them from doing it again and be better for everyone.

The reason for the comparison is that both did largely the same thing, but only Chloe is narratively punished and framed as bad for doing so. Thus the show isn't saying, "its bad to go to an audition and arrogantly antagonize everyone there by being supremely boastful" its saying, "its bad for Chloe to do that."

I would also add that Chloe being "Known as difficult to work with" is rather spurious. Chloe is evidently popular on social media and her father trusted her to escort a prince. & we know he's fine with punishing her when it suits him. Chloe's difficult for her class and staff or people who have pissed her off, but that's actually a rather isolated demographic.

I did indeed put a lot of heart into this, thanks.

[spacetimeodysseyofjane]

7:47 PM

I'm getting better at being honest about my feelings as I grow older. I try my best to acknowledge all the emotions and process them properly. Right now, I'm not well. I'm sad, and this isn't something that I can just shrug off.

Before, I used to bottle up everything and pretend that I was okay. I try not to do that as much as I can, but I can't help it. I've been regressing these past few days. I'm back to my old self who loves isolating and avoiding everyone until I'm back on my feet. My best friend keeps inviting me to hang out, but I'm rejecting him! I'm glad he's so understanding when my walls are up. Love him for that. Ahaha!

I'm all snuggled up in my bubble, enjoying my solitude. I remove myself from the chaos and create an environment where I can be at peace. I'm focused on building and following my routines. This is the most effective way for me to cope when I'm overwhelmed.

Getting back into exercise has really improved my mood, and I've found joy in cooking and prepping my meals again. I make sure to keep the house clean and organized everyday! I've even started writing again, something I haven't done in a long time.

I'm looking forward to the day when I'm truly okay. I don't want to rush myself into feeling better because I know I can't do that now. I have to go through this. Healing takes time? I just need to be emo :D Despite the current drama, I know I'll look back and laugh it off soon. Just give me a few more days! Hahaha.

Anyhoo... Amidst the profound sadness, life is good. I can't complain because I am beyond blessed. I'm excited for all the travels this year!!!

[freedomfireflies]

Hi <3 First of all, I want to say how much I love your stories and your writing, you’ve become my favourite one here on tumblr and I have basically memorised all of your masterlist because it’s just too good.

I just wanted to say something, and please don’t take it as an offence because it’s really not, it’s just a thought I wanted to share with you as an italian person who, unfortunately, has been a witness of the romanticisation of mafia in the last couple of years (of course I’m talking about Mine).

Mafia is not something to be proud of, and it’s definitely not like the one portrayed in books and films. It’s much worse. It’s blowing cars up, robbing innocent and honest, hardworking people and it’s about unliving people and CHILDREN in the worst ways you can think of.

I understand the charm of the bad boy who’s involved in some sketchy things and is some sort of criminal, I read stories like that all the time, but it’s a completely different thing from Mafia.

I sincerely hope I haven’t offended you, and please, feel free to completely ignore this, it will be just between the two of us.

I don’t want you to feel guilty, because I can understand how someone from an another culture doesn’t really get what it means, but as someone who has grown up hearing all kind of stories, I couldn’t stay silent.

Sorry for the rant, and again, please don’t take offence, I’m saying this with good intentions.

Trust me when I say I really like your stories, and I give you my compliments for writing so well. It’s something I truly admire. I can’t wait to read more extracts from Teach Me, my number 1 story here.

If you’ve read all of this, thank you for your time! I wish you all the best.

Hi!! First of all, thank you so much for reading and being here and being so kind 😭💞

Second, I appreciate you taking the time to tell me this!! I never want anyone to feel off-put or uncomfortable by something I've done or written!

I completely understand what you mean and where you're coming from. When I decided on this trope in particular, it was not to romanticize or play it up in any way.

Mostly, I needed a job that would explain his overprotectiveness, his demeanor, and why she would need bodyguards/would be isolated most of the time.

Honestly, this story was only ever meant to be smut, and was not meant to dive too deeply into his job and what he does. Chapter 2 does get a bit deeper into the topic but other than that, I believe most of the mafia talk is reduced to quick conversations about meetings Harry needs to be having.

I wouldn't mind changing his field at all, however Tumblr has rules about edits through reblogs and if I were to go back and change the original post, unfortunately, it wouldn't copy over to everyone else's version.

But I absolutely do not mind thinking of him as something else instead or simply having a nondescript job!

And going forward with the extras, I will make sure not to mention the mafia or dive into the details of his work!

I know that can't fix what has already been written and I'm not sure if you were asking that I stop writing it altogether. But I hope that at least by making sure not to mention the mafia in the future and keeping the field of his job vague, it can potentially make the experience for anyone else that might read a little better!

I so appreciate you telling me this and reaching out to share that you were uncomfortable. I know this is a very popular trope and I would never want to romanticize the mafia itself in any way. Again, this story was mostly just about a dominant Harry that likes when people watch him fuck HAHAHA 😭 And that was all I ever wanted it to be!

Thank you again for taking the time to educate me, to read some of the other stories, and for being so kind!! If there's anything I can do to improve or anything else you want to chat about, please let me know!! I will always be here 💞💞💞

[kaerichan-yatta]

Dearest, let me just talk to you for a second, okay? Whoever sent you that awful message is so wrong. I'm one of the anons who sent you an ask during your hiatus and finding your blog has had such a positive influence on me. You are definitely not alone. Not only do you have your online friends, in-person friends, and family who care about you, but even strangers and people in other parts of the world who admire you from afar who see you as such a brave, strong, and inspirational person. And if you take into consideration everyone who exists now and who has existed before, you are even less alone, you know? Because even if you can't talk to them, there are definitely people out there who have gone through or are currently going through similar situations, people who have gone through lots of pain and lonely nights and deal with your mental and physical conditions. So, please don't feel broken, and remember that there is always hope for you and that there's a chance things won't be this bad forever.

Let me tell you a little about the positive impact you've had on my life.

Since finding your blog, it's inspired me to be more open about my own issues, even in fandom spaces. I know online, there are lots of people who don't want to post about their struggles (which I totally understand, but it also made me feel somewhat isolated sometimes like "Oh God I am the person with the most messed-up personal life in this fandom and should be put in the mental ward instead of reading fluff" and similar negative thoughts towards myself). I have a group of writer friends and I try to keep things light-hearted but I'm finally opening up more about why I can't always be cheerful and upbeat. Before, I thought there was something "wrong" about sharing mental problems when you're a fic writer (since fics are supposed to be an escape from irl sadness and issues) but I've gotten so much love and support.

I've also started to put more "pain" into my writing (thanks to what I said before). Since I don't have to hide anymore, writing can be a way I express what I'm going through. And overall writing has become one of the healthier ways I try to cope better than before (since I have issues related to thoughts of not wanting to exist, SH, finding no help because of my medical issues, trauma, etc.)

I've missed your fics on Tumblr, too, and think you are so talented. But I haven't wanted to send any asks that would make you feel pressured to post them until you're ready to again. The only reason I'm bringing it up now is to let you know that you do bring value into the world with your writing, you cheer people up, I love your headcanons and your style is so unique.

And to end things on a light-hearted note, you also got me even more interested in lee/ler content, especially in regards to Hawks (yep, I'm the anon who shares some similar fandoms and have especially been going through a big Hawks obsession thanks to Season 6) and just exploring less common types of fic themes without caring as much what people think. Idk if I'm explaining myself right but basically I feel more courageous nowadays to put 'unusual' things in my writing, because my friends love it, and the people who don't like it can just go away and not read if it's supposedly too 'weird' for them, hahaha xD

Take care of yourself, Kaeri! You are an angel and I wish you lots of love and positivity, and I know if your fav characters existed all of them would be cheering you on too!

hi again, anon!<3

i'm answering you now cause in this moment my mental healt is about to leave and i'm trying to distract myself

first of all, a huge thank you for this message.

it made up my whole day

this morning i woke up and i felt terrible, like i was going to pass out or throw up at any moment

but then at school i received this message and my face lit up like a smiling baby

seriously, much love to you, anon<3

thank you also for the "middle" part of the ask. i could say my heart got sparkles as i read it. [the whole message had the same effect, but most of all when you shared your experience/opinion<3]

and i'm glad you like my fics too<3 yes, I've had an obsession for hawks since there was hero billboard chart, so up towards the end of the fourth season of my hero academia

his lee/ler it's relatively little but it's so good😭

i might have said this many times in answering you but yes...

thank you again, anon<33

i don't think i can thank you enough actually XD but i tried eheh

if you like, we could put up a signature for you whenever you want to ask me something [for example, emoji/word+anon, like "💮anon", it's up to you! if you don't want to it's completely fine!!]

anyways, have a good day/night<33

[wearepurplejackets]

❌ Incorrect Tokyo Manji~❌

*Meanwhile, in another parallel world between dimensions*

Bonten Mikey: Okay guys, silence, the 242nd meeting of the Mikeys is inaugurated.

Small Mikey, in high-pitched voice: Hi.

Manila Mikey, *seductively*: Hey~

Teenager Mikey *mouth full*: Fhi!!

First future Mikey *taking off his gloves*: C'mon, let's do this. I have like three traitors to kill tonight.

Bonten Mikey: You greaser talk a lot for a guy who still works with *pretends to vomit* Kisaki.

First future Mikey: Oh, we are gonna go that way, eh? Who make you the leader exactly?

Bonten Mikey: Well, myself. I'm the oldest one so, get your head out of your ass, if you know how to.

Manila and Teenager Mikey: Boom!!

First future Mikey: So you put bleach in your head and now you are Gandalf or whatever??

Small Mikey: hahaha!

First Future Mikey: And you should not laugh so much, Small. You are the reason we are all here again wasting our precious time to keep destroying our lives, gOD!

Small Mikey *in even higher-pitched voice*: What? Me?? wHAT???

Teenager Mikey: Yeah, the airplane toy incident was actually... pretty out of context if you ask me *Opens like his twelfth melon bread* Didn't expect that coming from you, little bean.

First future Mikey: Seriously, Teen, can you please stop eating for like AN ENTIRE SECOND?!?!

Teenager Mikey: I CAN'T! Geezer, let me be! I'm growing!

Bonten Mikey: No, you are not.

Manila Mikey: Assume we are not really tall. That's why I killed everyone who was taller than me...

Everyone: Yes, yes, we know...

Manila Mikey: I'm sad.

Everyone: We know, Manila.

Bonten Mikey: Anyway, I don't like First future like you all do too, but for once... *Sighs* he is right.

First future Mikey: Well at least you have a brain in there. Not for choosing a nice haircut or a tattoo tho, but-

Bonten Mikey *rolling eyes*: Yeah, yeah, whatever. You have something to say about the airplane, Small??

Small Mikey *puffing out cheeks*: Oe! Don't blame me! I just knew that last week, just like you all! I didn't know sh*t!

Manila Mikey: It's true, he only sleeps all the time.

Small Mikey: Oe. At least I don't look like a "Toy boy".

Teenager Mikey: Wooooooo!!

Bonten Mikey: Who taught you that?? It was Small Baji?? It was him, right??

Manila Mikey: Kid, I'm gonna ground you. Literally. Three meters under it...

First future Mikey: God, you are all so messed up!

Teenager Mikey: Yes, because you are totally a role model to follow...

First Future Mikey: Oh, sorry. Aren't you like isolating yourself from your friends and having depression now?

Manila Mikey: Oh, depression... That's why I killed everyone. But mostly because they were taller than me.

Everyone: We KNOW, Manila...

Manila Mikey: That's why I left Takemitchy tho. *Wink, wink*

Bonten Mikey: Okay... Btw, where is Kanto Mikey? He has missed the last few meetings. I hope he's doing something important.

Manila Mikey: I think Kanto is busy, you know, f*cking everything up til the end and all that sh*t.

Teenager Mikey: Oh, well I hope he fails miserably, *takes a dorayaki into his mouth* brutally.

Manila Mikey: Wow, dude. And I'm the savage one.

Teenager Mikey: I'm sorry but I'm gone for like, what? Two season?? And everyone think they can do my job! Even a f*cking zombie!

First future Mikey: Well if you just-

Bonten Mikey: Well if you just made a f*cking decision right(?!)

First future Mikey: I... wtf. Bon-bon, chill. My heart skipped a beat.

Small Mikey: Gross.

Manila Mikey: It shows he is the honest one. *Smiles* Not like the people I killed...

Teenager Mikey: That's rude, Bonten... But I forgive you, it must be hard not to sleep in like a trillion years.

Bonten Mikey: And who's fault it is?? I got dark circles under my DARK CIRCLES!

Small Mikey: Actually, I think is called "Dark Impulses".

First future Mikey: I'm having the Dark Impulse to kill you all right now.

Teenager Mikey *jumping on the table*: Come and try, old man. If you have guts!

Manila Mikey: Ah, c'mon stop it already... I really hate when we argue so much... That's why I killed everyone who could talk...

Everyone: We know, Manila... WE KNOW!!