#i'm not confident enough to post this in places where there's like. actual discourse about the show

[pizzahutchan124]

I gotta work on finding my voice

All too often I fear posting anything original on here out of fear of being mediocre. But being mediocre is the only way to learn how to be extraordinary. Its a catch 22. You fling shit at a wall until one of it sticks. Really, the worst thing to happen on this site is that its out in the happy little gapping hell of an abyss that is tumblr, with little to no traction made in terms of engagement.

Is engagement on here truly the worse thing possible? Maybe. It probably depends on what circle you're in or what sort of brand you want to show to the world. I remember the last time I got into a discourse with a user on here. We fought over how valid Jaspers character (from Steven Universe) was and then he blocked me after spouting ad hominems. YEA, that lil exchange was over 7/8 years ago, yet I faintly remember the bitter bile I felt afterward. It could've been worse. Im not sure how, nor do I really feel like extrapolating those possible scenarios. There are also blogs who blow up over night, then deactivate due to being overwhelmed with the nature of being popular. The only proof that they exist remains in the posts that circulate around this site.

I don't go looking for fights whenever I log on here. My time here is meant to explore spaces and interests that I otherwise wouldn't have the means or resources to. And its interesting see the different takes people have on here. But I need to be aware of not crossing certain territories online. As nice as it can be broadening your horizons, the online world will always emulate the real world, and the real world often harbors terrifying, odious entities who thinks very little of the humanity inside you. Some are passive, others are upfront in their rancidity. Most of all of them are selfish to their core.

With that being said, I want to leave the world better then it was when I came in. Preferably that would be through transformative works or creating some sort of content, but that requires actual forethought and planning. Its hard to mesh creative pursuits with the all too real necessities of eating and paying bills, but its one that I'm trying to navigate. So far I think I'm doing a better job then most. My support system is still strong and I'm lucky enough to be in a position where I can be anything that I choose. Freelancing's been tough, but the work I've been getting has been top notch. The world is a scary place right now, but I'm confident that I'm smart enough to rise up to the challenge and blaze through it with flying colors.

Whenever I want to make a post here, I want it to be an original take and not something I parroted from another user, while keeping a tone that says "I'm in control and I'm knowledgeable about this thing right here." Yet, I end up sitting on my laurels only for the moment to pass. I don't sit with myself like I use to. I mean, I do, but not like before. Its different. Its for me, instead of the world. I don't event know what I want to show to the world in terms of Original Content. If I wanted to reflect back to the world what it truly was, I'd be a terrifying, wonderful creature with many beautiful eyes and gnarled teeth. Sadly I am only human. I'm going to have to make do with petting my Blorbos and my precious furbaby until my next paycheck comes in.

[kuroopaisen]

something that really gets to me in neon genesis evangelion (and tbh anno probably meant it this way) is how,,, shinji is a child, a 14 year old boy, and yet none of the adults in the show seem to think much about putting the weight of saving the world on his shoulders. nobody comforts him, nobody gives him the time or space to comprehend what he’s feeling. and i know that’s because all the adults are deeply fucked up in their own ways, but it just really bothers me? 

shinji is berated for being traumatised, being depressed, being horrified by the things he has to do and the things he’s seen. but instead of reaching out to him with compassion, he’s treated like a burden -- something he fears. that’s why he takes to kaworu so quickly; kaworu offers him the gentle compassion and recognition he deserves. he literally said “this is the first time anyone’s ever said that to me” (depending on which translation you prefer). shinji just wants to be loved, but he’s punished for it. 

yes, to some degree the adults (especially misato) are right about how he can’t keep being passive just because he’s afraid of rejection. but nobody actually acknowledges that fear, nobody explains why he shouldn’t be afraid. they just demand that he get over it, that he gets in the damn robot. nobody stops to think about the effect this has on his wellbeing. 

the adults all decide that his wellbeing is a necessary sacrifice, and do nothing to try to soften the blow. 

it’s similar with asuka, too; when she’s obviously having a breakdown, misato seems irritated. nobody reaches out to her, no authority figure gives her the recognition she so desperately desires. she’s ignored; and in her darkest moments, she’s alone. i deplore the scene of her alone in the eva during end of evangelion because she’s in so much pain, so afraid, but she’s alone -- alone, curled up in the fetal position. and yet, nobody helps her. nobody can. 

in many ways, nge seems to be a show about self-centredness, and i think it’s a fascinating look at how our own pain can blind us to the suffering of others. i’m still fuzzy on what it’s trying to say about that exactly, but the ending of the original series seems to be speaking the importance of realising your own worth yourself, regardless of what others think? which, to me, reads a bit like it’s talking about the value of isolation -- and that’s the difference i suppose with shinji rejecting instrumentality and becoming his own person again. 

being yourself, even if it means being invariably isolated from others and never truly able to transgress the boundary of the self and the other, is better. i don’t necessarily agree, but i do think it’s interesting. 

this is very incoherent and i have a lot of Thoughts on this show, i need to watch the rebuild films dsfkljdflkj

[mistresseast]

can you explain in more detail why you think the PT weren't good friends for akiren? i'm not asking out of hate or to start drama, i just never interpreted things that way and i'm genuinely curious. i don't think them being brainwashed by maruki makes them "bad friends", but i don't know if that's what you meant either. i'd love to read a proper explanation on this that isn't just people arguing in the notes of that post.

Hi! Yeah, I know the ~discourse~ climate is pretty touchy and not a good place to exchange ideas, so I’ll do my best to put my thoughts on this matter into words. 

Settle in, bc this one is long.

I’ll start off by saying I don’t dislike the PT, nor do I think they’re bad people, and honestly I think they love Joker a lot! Ryuji calling Akira after his fake death and talking about how his ideas on what makes a hero have changed because of Akira genuinely makes me emotional, along with dozens of other scenes with the thieves! They’re good kids who could be really good friends to Akira but that’s not what’s shown in the game. I don’t think it’s controversial to say Akira’s relationships with all of his friends are transactional. That’s kind of the point, all of his confidants arise out of deals, give and take, and in the metanarrative of the game, that’s how it works. You as the player help these characters solve their problems, and through ranking their confidants up, you get access to more gameplay perks. So it’s pretty even!! But like,,Akira, the character, isn’t the player. There’s no in-story mechanic by which he can cash in friendship points for being-good-at-killing-things prizes. Yes, he uses those abilities to not die in the metaverse, but there is no literal, in-universe way to explain how hanging out with someone translates to [insert gameplay perk here]. So you have to look at what is physically happening in the story. Akira hangs out with the PT, stands there while they have drama with another irrelevant character, and then one way or another their problems get solved and they swear to be Akira’s blood brother or whatever. Akira is a crutch for these characters, and they say multiple times that they wouldn’t have been able to do what they did without him. So all of their shit gets handled and Akira gets?? Like actually gets?? What? Inquiries about his well-being? Offers to help him? Questions about his life, his interests? No,,,not really,, But he gets access to a super powerful persona!! Yay!!! Bc everyone knows he’s just a little shadow-killing machine, right? And even the relationships he does get something tangible (as in separate from the mechanics of the game) out of, like Kawakami’s, are built on the notion that if Akira stops providing for whatever reason, the relationship will end. So essentially, Akira is under the pressure of filling whatever role his friends need him in for however long at any time, and he’s been led to believe that if he stops or fails, he will stop receiving any reciprocal care and acceptance.

(And I know this is all gameplay stuff, I know it has to be like this to codify the complicated process of human relationships, I know all of that, I’m just trying to find a deeper layer bc that’s what I do.)

This whole thing comes into pretty clear focus for me during the third semester when you visit everyone in the false reality. Everyone is happy to see him, of course, but they’re clearly wrapped up in their own happiness. Which is understandable, again, I’m not saying the PT need to be attached to Akira to be good friends, but it all still feels off to me.

If they know Joker, then they’d know it’s weird that he just shows up and starts asking these pointed questions while they’re in the middle of something. All of their other interactions with him have been led by them. Yeah, Joker approaches them bc the player has decided to hang out with them, but the other character always chooses the activity and leads the discussion. Akira showing up out of nowhere and asking them to “remember” and “move on” and whatnot should be raising some major red flags. And it clearly does, since their memories do start to return, but they’re all too scared of losing their happiness that they nope out of the conversation as soon as possible, without stopping to consider why Joker might be trying to reach out to them like that. They’re his friends; they should know he wouldn’t just be trying to hurt them or make them unhappy. After all, their entire relationship with him up til that point has been exclusively about Joker trying to help them. This doesn’t make the PT bad people, running away is a totally natural reaction in that situation. They’re just kids, and their minds have been manipulated to a point, but it’s not like they don’t remember Joker or the way they’ve grown since meeting him. In fact many of them mention how much they’ve matured recently, but they never actually relate that back to Akira, despite him being the primary driving force behind most of their personal arcs, even though they definitely remember him. Translation vagueness or deliberate nod to the idea that the PT don’t actually credit Akira with all the hard work he did after their initial lip service? Hmmm. Anyway, their failure to recognize that Joker is struggling just demonstrates to me what was set up all throughout their confidant links, that their relationships are transactional and that they don’t necessarily consider Joker and his individual needs outside of what he provides for them. And when they no longer need him bc that hole has been filled, he simply doesn’t occupy the same place of importance in their lives. 

Makoto’s flashback in particular stood out to me, bc it was from a moment where she was specifically talking about feeling like she finally found a place to belong with the Phantom Thieves (and by extension, with Joker), but then she desperately tries to brush it off. Obviously that sense of belonging wasn’t meaningful enough to her for her to want it back. And I’m not blaming her, of course, any teenager would choose to have their father back over being in a vigilante group lmao, I just thought it was telling that the devs decided to show us a scene that was originally meant to be heartwarming as an example of the harsh reality Makoto wants to forget. All of the flashbacks are from defining moments for the thieves, but that one specifically got me like *thinking emoji*

So his friends are hesitant, despite the fact that they must know something is wrong. It’s understandable, they all stand to lose a lot if someone messes with the status quo. I genuinely don’t think I would react any differently. But there is someone who reacts differently and against his own self-interest. It’s Goro, the one who has arguably the most to lose, who doesn’t turn away from Akira. He seeks Akira out and teams up with him to uncover what’s really going on, even though he has every reason to believe that prodding too deep will literally mean the end of his life. He forces Akira and himself to face the truth because he knows anything else would just be an insult to what they’ve suffered so far. He’s the only one who never flinches, and that, more than any of his friends’ come-to-jesusing (which Akira still has to initiate) is what Akira needs in that situation. For the first time (outside of the brief instances in the tutorial levels), we see a situation where Akira is actually the dependent one, the one who needs help, who needs support. And the only one who has ever provided that, unconditionally, without demanding anything in return, is Goro. I could go into how Goro’s confidant blows all of the others out of the water in terms of building both himself AND Akira as characters, but it’s been said already and by smarter people than me. But basically, despite competition being a core theme of their relationship, Goro is the only character who is portrayed as Akira’s equal. Their contests are all in the name of improving not just Goro, but Akira too. Goro is the only character who expresses an interest in Akira’s inner life and development, and as such he knows Akira better than anyone else. So when Maruki tries to trap them all in a gilded birdcage, Goro won’t stand for it and he knows Akira won’t stand for it either. That’s why he’s so betrayed if you choose to accept the dreamworld. You’re negating the basis of your entire relationship with him and going against your own principles. Out of every character in the game, the one who knows Akira best and refuses to abandon him even when that could mean his own death is Goro Akechi.

I want to reiterate: I do not hate or even dislike the PT!! And tbh I don’t really think they “abandoned” Akira. That post, imo, is supposed to be kind of hyperbolic. Unless it’s referring to how many of them literally sprint away when he comes to talk to them lol. I look at it more like a commentary on how thoughtlessly the PT act as soon as their wishes are granted. I know it’s set up linearly for story purposes, but isn’t it kind of sad how no one checks up on Akira in the week he’s going around talking to people? Especially after he’s been acting so comparatively weird? It’s not unusual that they might be caught up in other stuff, but while you’re going around and visiting everyone, you don’t get a single text or call from ANY of the thieves, for a whole week!! Goro even comments on it directly with his pointed little “I’m sure you’re just as close as you were before” comment. God, he’s such a bitch. Ultimately, the PT do get their acts together, and it’s partially out of the realization that Akira is struggling alone against something and needs their help, which I love and appreciate. I think they are good friends who want to support Akira, but they can’t understand him past the role they’ve placed him in, and until they do, they’ll never be able to be what he needs. Akira loves his friends and knows he can rely on them in most ways, but those relationships will always be dogged by the pervasive fear that he must constantly earn the right to have the relationship at all. What he needs MOST is someone he doesn’t have to perform for, and from what we see in the game, none of the thieves fit that bill. Except Goro. 

I know this was long and rambly and probably pretty disjointed but I wanted to be as thorough as possible and all of my thoughts just sort of gushed out. Obviously ymmv about all of this depending on how you interpret the game, but this is what I arrived at thanks to my analysis so this is what I have for you! Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[songsforfelurian]

I'm laughing so hard. I made a goddamn typo. Queer! I didn't think this possible, but I feel even more stupid now XD

I apologize for the delay inresponding to this, but I really wanted to give the question the considerationit deserves. It’s a complicated issue, and I’ll try my best to do it justice. For those of you who missed the previous ask, this anon is wondering what the word “queer” means.

WARNING: If you are triggered by slursthat are commonly used against members of the LGBTQ+ community, proceed withcaution. I have done my best to use these terms in an informative way, but Iknow they may be triggering to some, even in this context. If you’re interestedin my perspective on slurs and labels within the LGBTQ+ community, read on!

I should start by pointing out that I am by nomeans an expert historian when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community. I identify asa member, have done some basic research, and have degrees in linguistics andphilosophy that afford me a basic working knowledge of language, logic, andliterature in a historical context. I am not an authority on gender identity orsexual orientation, just a community member doing my best to be helpful andsupportive.

I personally love the word ‘queer,’though I respect and understand that it is triggering to many. The wordoriginally meant “strange, peculiar, or eccentric.” (http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=queer)I came across this word often in classic literature. “She was feeling ratherqueer” would have been a common phrase to describe someone who was slightlyill, or emotionally unsettled. But in the late 1800’s / early 1900’s, peoplestarted using it as an offensive term for people in same-sex relationships, or forpeople who deviated from accepted gender conventions of the time (for example,men who were perceived as “effeminate”). Then, around the 1980’s, members ofthe LGBTQ+ community “began todeliberately use the word queer in place of gay or homosexual, in an attempt,by using the word positively, to deprive it of its negative power.” (https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/queer)

Despite this, the word “queer” absolutelycontinues to be used as a homophobic slur that many LGBTQ+ people have had toendure, which is why the term remains so controversial. I personally haven’thad a lot of exposure to the term as an offensive slur, which may be why I don’texperience it as particularly triggering, the way “fag” and “faggot” mostcertainly are to me. I heard those words so often in such a vicious, damagingcontext growing up, that they became dealbreakers for me: I wouldn’t date men orwomen who used them, or keep up friendships with people who found themacceptable. I won’t play online video games with a group of people if I hearthose terms floating around. I still have an immediate anxiety reaction when Ihear those words used, even by someone who identifies as LGBTQ+. So I do understand that slurs can beincredibly triggering to people, even if the community has made an effort toretake them and give them new meaning.

The reason I personally view the word “queer”differently from “fag” or “faggot” is because I think that “queer” performs asemantic and linguistic function that I find pleasing and necessary. In itscurrent definition, as reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community, it means, “Denoting orrelating to a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to establishedideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms.” (https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/queer)

If you’veread any of my writing or seen previous posts from me, you may have deducedthat I find labels to be problematic. Sexual orientation and gender identitycan be fluid and difficult to define. While some people feel a sense of reliefand community when they finally find a label that suits them, others feelstressed or even further isolated and frustrated, faced with another set of “norms”they still can’t quite conform to. And then there’s the pressure to defineevery aspect of your sexuality and gender identity to the world – again, somethingthat is comforting and community-affirming to some, but can be stressful,invasive, or downright unsafe for others. I see discourse daily on Tumblr aboutwho should and shouldn’t be “allowed” within the LGBTQ+ community, with manypeople claiming that certain identities simply aren’t “gay enough” to belong.

I don’tsubscribe to this attitude. I don’t think I should have to thoroughly define orexplain my gender identity or sexual orientation in order to feel accepted andsupported by other LGBTQ+ individuals, and I don’t think people who are difinitively gay or lesbian deserve to be accepted moreso than people who are bixesual, pansexual, questioning, etc. I don’t conform to stereotypical normsand standards, and identifying as “queer” is a way for many people tocommunicate a similar, vague sense of identity without getting into specifics thatmake them feel uncomfortable, or confused, or frustrated, or downright unsafe.We don’t owe each other that level of intimacy.

As ateen in the early 2000’s that identified as bisexual only with my closestfriends, I had faith that things would progress. I imagined that I would enteradulthood and find that times had changed- that I would feel more free toexperience and express my identity, and that I would feel support from acommunity of people that understand how confusing, and isolating, and painfulit can be to be LGBTQ+. And while I have seen glimmers of this, I’ve also seen thehorde of the self-righteous, many of them painfully young, immature, andinexperienced, who find it necessary to police the borders of the LGBTQ+community, as well as the language we use to describe and define ourselves.

As anadult, this is not the kind of community I want to belong to. Yes, I understandthat the word “queer” is triggering for some people, and I’ve done my best tobe respectful of that in this post. But I amqueer, for lack of a better word that encompasses the nebulousnonconformity many of us experience along our journey. And we should allow eachother to be nebulous. We should allow each other the use of vague language, andthe leeway to evolve, and to change our minds, and to change our looks and our beliefsand our preferences. It was easiest for me to identify as bisexual as a scaredfourteen-year-old, because I felt pressure to identify as something.

So canwe try to take that pressure off? Can we make it okay to not be sure? Can we bea community that embraces uncertainty and privacy as much as we encourageconfidence and conviction? Can we support people in their twenties or thirties or fifties who areexploring their queerness for the first time, just as much as we support ourgay and lesbian friends who’ve been certain since they were twelve?

If you followthis blog, these are things I believe, that I want you to know:

It’s okayto not be sure about your gender identity.

It’sokay to not be sure about your sexual orientation.

Embracethe uncertainty. You don’t need a label to be whole. You don’t need to name andcategorize everything you think and feel. Give yourself room to breathe andgrow. Give others the same room.

It’s okayto change your mind.

It’sokay to express yourself as vaguely or as specifically as you like. You don’towe anyone any kind of information about your identity or preferences that you’renot comfortable sharing. You shouldn’t have to prove anything to anyone inorder to belong to this community.

You canuse labels, if you think they fit. You can also change them. You can alsoreject them. You still belong here, regardless. I still care about and supportyou, regardless.

You canuse the word “queer” to help identify yourself.

You canbe respectful of people who use the word “queer,” even if it offends you. Have a conversation before you judge or attack.

As afinal note, I’ve seen a term floating around that I would love to see gain moretraction: SAGA, which stands for Sexuality and Gender Acceptance. It occurs tome that it could also stand for Sexuality and Gender Alternative, which couldbe used as an actual identity term (“I’m SAGA”). Regardless, I can see how thiscould be a nonspecific umbrella term, much like the word “queer,” but withoutall the controversial connotations. I’m all for this- as I stated before, Ithink a lot of people use the word “queer” because it’s useful and meaningfulto them, and because they lack a synonymous alternative. If a term like SAGAstarted to catch on, I would be happy to make the switch. However, I’ve foundvery little literature on it, and have very rarely seen it used in LGBTQ+ spaces.If you have more information, or have seen it being used more widely, pleasecomment with your perspective! I would love to give credit where credit is due.And if this term resonates with you, use it! Spread the word!

I can’temphasize this enough- I’m not anauthority here, but I see plenty of people speaking on this subject with muchmore conviction than they ought to have, so I decided to give it a go. Ifanything, I hope some of you might read this and feel validated in your uncertainty,and encouraged to reach out, and maybe to be more flexible and accepting of thediversity in this community.

Diversity. Isn’t thatsupposed to be the point?