#i'm sick and tired. meh

[rooftopdaigos]

a lil thing

[imwritesometimes]

AU where I have the time, energy, creative drive, interest, and enthusiasm to work on my WIP

[bandzboy]

I'M TIRED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[butnobodycame627]

feeling so blaghhhh

[yanderes-galore]

Scenario in which platonic yandere Bubba Sawyer has a younger sibling who tried to leave the family and start over, but got caught at the last moment, and Bubba is not very happy about them trying to leave.

Poor you is tired of being a cannibal and just wants a normal life... only for your "older brother" to drag you back. Dubious on if you're blood related to them or just kidnapped at a young age since I feel someone blood related may just stay... but I could be wrong! The ending is so... meh... but we all know by now I suck at endings, right?

Bear Trap

Yandere! Platonic! Bubba Sawyer Scenario

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Clingy behavior, Overprotective behavior, Kidnapping, Isolation, Violence, Blood, Cannibalism mentioned but this time not graphically described, Forced companionship.

You were getting tired of this life.

Growing up, you never felt you belonged. You were taught to kill, taught to feast... you were taught to behave. However... you never really considered the Sawyers... family.

Not entirely, anyways.

There was only one you really didn't mind. That was the youngest son, Bubba, your older brother. In a way you guessed you... pitied him, often taking most of the family's abuse. You always looked after him, though.

You always checked in... which must be why he enjoyed you.

You were often around Bubba when growing up. He wasn't like the rest of the family, but certainly wasn't innocent either. His... childish demeanor often brought young you comfort. There were times Bubba acted more like a caretaker around the house with you than your other siblings did.

You were never usually away from Bubba, the youngest of your brothers always sticking by your side. Even now, as an adult, he often searched for you. You could never have alone time without the large Sawyer grappling you in a hug.

You felt so isolated here. No matter what your brother's said, you didn't feel... right. You didn't want to eat people, it often made you sick, but it was what you were taught.

You wanted to leave. In fact, ever since you became an adult you've been planning how to leave. The difficult thing as you were never let off the homestead... despite this... you felt it was time to try your luck.

Pulling yourself from your bed and picking your best clothes, you took what you felt you needed (which wasn't much considering where you are) and left your room. The wood of the house creaked under your feet as you pattered your way down the stairs. You flinch at every sound the house makes... but you need to look natural.

You need to look like you're just taking a walk... then pretend to be a victim of your own family.

You pause when you hear rummaging in the kitchen. Such a noise wasn't new, Bubba or Drayton tended to be in the kitchen preparing meat. The sounds made you desperate to be careful, however, as you pushed gently on the outside door.

Then the noises stop and you nearly feel your heart fall to your stomach.

You realize you'll need to play it casual, standing in the open door as you watch the kitchen. As expected, Bubba looks into the hallway with a confused expression. You clear your head... it's Bubba... you can probably sweet talk him....

You see blood stains on his apron and you grimace, his size making him look intimidating. The only reason you can stand your ground is you grew up with him. Towards you... he's a sweetheart... yet still dangerous.

"Hey, Bubba..." You smile sweetly, leaning against the doorframe. "I just wanted to go out into the field for a bit...."

Bubba doesn't seem to believe you, making a noise of protest before stepping closer. You feel a bit panicked yet swallow your fear. No need to make a scene.

"Come on, Bubba...!" You plead, trying to stay light-hearted. "I'm not a little kid anymore... I can handle myself!"

The unfortunate thing with being close to Bubba is one thing... he can read you. As simple minded as Bubba is, he knows you. In fact... you don't doubt he knows about your distaste for the family.

Along with your rebellious nature... you're the most rebellious one there is in the Sawyers.

So, unfortunately, you can tell Bubba doesn't believe your lie again. You feel yourself practically sweating as Bubba comes closer to stand in front of you. You brace yourself... yet your younger brother just offers a pat on the head.

The affection takes you off guard. You don't understand what he's doing before Bubba reaches for your arm, gently tugging you closer before exiting the house. It's then it clicks.

Bubba either believes you're just taking a walk... or just wants to keep an eye on you. Either way you understand your older brother is coming with you. Such a development suddenly makes your plan so much harder.

Reluctantly you allow yourself to be led by Bubba. The large man proceeds to walk you around the homestead and fields... all while you look for a plan. Quietly you plan a distraction, something to get Bubba to look away.

As the walk progresses, you find yourself growing desperate. You try your best to talk sweetly to Bubba... and for the most part he loosens his grip. You're so close... you keep behaving, keep playing nice...

"You know..." You begin, trying to grab his attention enough. Bubba's gaze glances at you, a curious noise leaving him as he watches you carefully. "You were always my favorite...."

Bubba pauses, grip loosening. He makes a pleased and flattered grunt towards you as you flash a smile. Deceiving him makes you feel a bit bad... unfortunately...

You need to leave...

You stop your walk, keeping up the good sibling persona as you raise your arms. Bubba watches you, suddenly excited at what you're implying. A hug.

"I love you..." you smile, but once you're free...

You ditch.

Your sudden dash takes Bubba by surprise. Due to how fond he is of you it was easy to play him for a fool. You hear a distressed yelp from behind you as you make your way to the roadside.

You ignore the slight emotional pain you get for what you did. Instead you focus on your search for the road through the cornfields. Silently you hope the family truck doesn't pull in...

But you learn you have other problems when you hear more distressed sounds from Bubba behind you.

Your escape attempt quickly becomes a hunt as you try to evade Bubba. Unfortunately, Bubba is not only bigger than you... but faster. Especially without the chainsaw.

You try to keep your hope as you run towards the road. You can just barely see the path as you try to push yourself further. You're so close... so close if you can just lose him...

But your escape attempt was dead in the water the moment Bubba saw you.

Big strong arms quickly grapple you. It's familiar yet in this current moment harsh. You squeal as you're tugged back, nearly falling only to collide with a chest.

You freeze, the familiar smell of blood and possible rot making you quiver. You know who this is... and you're scared. Your heart rapidly thumps as you hear irritated yet relieved grunts and groans behind you.

"Hey, Bubba..." You solemnly greet, only for Bubba to tighten his hold and sling you over his shoulder. You've lost your chance... you don't know when you'll have another one... you just hope Bubba doesn't tell your brothers.

You're carried back like you weigh nothing as Bubba carries you. His grip is tight and bruising... like he's scared to let you go. You don't bother explaining yourself.

Bubba wouldn't understand.

You quietly resign yourself to your fate as Bubba reaches the house. It's quiet and tense between you two. You wonder if he'll hold a grudge... if he thinks you hate him.

You don't... not really... but you struggle to explain yourself as he pulls you upstairs and into your room. You hear him grunt and grumble, yet you can also tell his voice is cracking. You just expect him to lock you in your room like a troublesome child...

Yet Bubba just sits on your bed and keeps you in his lap. You don't move when he places his head on yours with soft grunts. You can't tell what he's thinking....

His grip around you is tight, like you're ensnared. You can't struggle against his much stronger hold as he squeezes you against him. You can tell your escape attempt affected him... but he wasn't going to hurt you.

Instead, he acts as a bear trap as he holds you tight...

Treating you like a trapped animal caught trying to run to freedom.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - We In A Slump, but help might be coming from a very strange source

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Sept 2024 Week 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - I don’t have a lot to say except that the plot is somewhat predictable but the show is still very engaging. War is fantastic. I’m enjoying it a hell of a lot.

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) ep 10 of 12 - The second leads are getting better in this one. I understand where they are coming from, which makes their conflict so much more understandably painful, and honest to a friends2lovers trope. The main couple is kinda standard college relationship drama, but they are cuties.  

Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 4 of 12 - How is Ohm so damn gorgeous? Meanwhile, babies’ first argument. And it’s sponge bath time. Q has got to be wondering if Min is as meticulous with all kinds of care and attention to detail all......the......time. Somebody here in the hellhole said something about this being "the most BL to ever BL." And I think they’re right. At least right now. Although, watch out, we got us a new contender from the east.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 11 of 12 - I do love the continuation of the perversion, in a good way, of the punishment trope from last week's episode. Oh, has the show finally remembered its title? NO SINGING. 

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 7 of 10 - More kidnapping and an attack and now there’s a girl involved and somebody’s going to China and I don’t understand anything! And I don’t really care. Is this how the actual book originally went? Because it’s wild. Also TOO MANY of flashbacks. I guess they got a bit of a boyfriend era, and the claiming during the water fight was cute, but otherwise...... meh

Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 15 - One shouldn’t make comparisons, of course, but all I can think about is how amazing Captain was as Noh in the original series. Thus this show is mostly just making me want to rewatch the original. It’d be an interesting twist to have Aim be queer instead of a damaged cool girl slut. Was the helmet hand letting go a foreshadow of the iconic bookstore hands letting go? Also, I gotta say for the second episode of a series there are already too many flashbacks. Why are they using filler when they have so much content crammed into so few (comparable) episodes for a series? It’s annoying. Stop it.

Live in Love (Sun Gaga) ep 4 of 5 - This show has some interesting, if heavy handed, things to say about shipping and trolling, but also predatory/proprietary female behavior. It’s fascinating to see it tackled head on, if handled in a profoundly clumsy manner. I’m not sure how I feel about it. That said, most of this episode was actually an advertisement for a resort in Phuket. 

Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - I'm getting What's Wrong with Secretary Kim? vibes from this show. Only this is WAY more bullying. It’s very old-fashioned 90’s billionaire romance novel only gay. It’s never a good sign when I’m watching two boys kiss and I really want one of them to just bite the other ones lip off instead.

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - No ep this week. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 8 of 10 - Gosh it’s so frikin adorable. Baby got sick. He has SUCH A CRUSH. And such a courageous little confession! Yay! Can’t wait for next week. 

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YouTube) ep 1 - sure, yes this is, in fact, just Ba Vinh doing his thing with pretty boys again. And yet...... There is a REASON this leapt into the standings guns blazing. So it’s high school set but it's stepbrothers trope. (My, aren’t we popular this year?) I know, but I NEVER get tired of this trope. We got us Bach (BV's sullen tsundere) and Dat (babygirl meets bully). It’s GREAT how the brothers' dynamic is entirely different at school than when they're at home. My ear isn’t trained for Vietnamese, but I think Dat is using different pronouns depending on his location (his personality entirely shifts when he’s at school). I’m not sold on the Bach character, although I always trust BV to serve in the end (at least we know the kisses will be good), but Dat is utterly in love, a touch spicy, and reasonably complex. The surrounding cast is good too, my favorite pretty boy is there playing top dog (woof), and one of the besties is out gay (YAY!). The plot of the show is...... well...... absent. Nothing happened. But if we are aiming for Love Sick slice of life style BL, I'm game. Subs are appropriately terrible and confusing. But I like it A FUCK TON so far, so I’m gonna keep it in rotation. Nice to have Vietnam back in play. What a shocker.

2024 has been a year of upsets.

Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 3 of 10 eps - I weirdly enjoyed the farcical music and the utter absurdity of the court case. I also liked how it highlighted what a good team these two are. Frankly I don’t mind a bit of an antihero sleazy lawyer + conman, it's engaging. I’m getting wholesome out of Thailand. I don’t really need it from Japan at the moment. Also I don’t believe for one second our conman actually is serious about the relationship. Conmen gonna con. I'm reminded of the scorpion and the frog fable.

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) ep 8 of 12 - I love Orca so much. I do not love the autotuned version of Orca, but I knew what I was in for with this particular show, it's in the title after all. I did laugh a whole lot when Laing used kha. Hon, I don't think that word means what you think it means......

The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 11-12fin - I never thought I’d say this, but the pacing was off in the penultimate episode. Taiwan, and its chronic misuse of flashbacks strikes again. That said we eventually got a "lock in" trope and Wang being the biggest little flirt shit in the cafe OMG!!! Of course, you shouldn’t use a girl to torment your bf, but it was so well done, I can’t really complain. Meanwhile, teacher kisses. And now I understand exactly why they’re present in this narrative. Clever. Bummer of a burden on that ending though. I cannot see how they’ll manage to stick this landing. [That was ep 11]

AND NOW EP 12 - doomey doomey doom

Not the water bottle trope! Argh the teenage lust of it all. Just stop it. Wang is so smart he knows exactly how bad he has to be to leave the class. And his bf certainly knows that too. And......

......

So that was not an ending and I’m not happy about it and no one is surprised. Even I’m not surprised. I’m just disappointed. Even tho I suspected this was where we were headed I'm disappointed. That’s it. That’s all I got. How do I review something that was such a crushing let down?

Conclusion:

Based on a Mou Mou novel + the Your Name Engraved Herein team, this is old-school coming of age BL and it was bloody fantastic. Tsundere seme to beat all tsundere (smartest + tallest + bestest at everything but people) meets socially-ept cutie smart-ass uke. They're living together by end of ep 1 and start kissing by end of ep 2. A stellar tense slow burn stepbrothers trope that ate my life and than just belly-flopped the finale. What I'm left with is epic levels of disappointment and well...... at least nobody died? My standard "fatally flawed" rating for any BL is 4/10 so I guess that’s what I’m giving it. 

Before you ask me for the stats: Taiwan does not have a history of second seasons. I went ahead and ran the numbers and the odds are certainly not in our favor. I put the chances at 2%.

Yes, I contemplated a revenge rating of 2/10 but even I'm not that mean.

It's airing but...

The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai being converted into a café. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.

In Case You Missed It

Falling For My Boss is vertical format (nash) short from Korean BL about a happy-go-unlucky man who keeps losing his flower shop business because of romantically misbehaving employees (apparently it's a thing). When his best employee brings in a new boy he's worried she's falling for him, but it turns out it's his own heart on the line. He a clueless softy and The Boy is a lost broken sweetheart, making this a gentle little snippet of a show. There's a baby linguistic negotiation, some hung slinging, awkward handholds, and everyone is very pretty. For me the absence of kisses and the vertical format were more annoying than the length, which felt fine but many viewers will find too short. I enjoyed the 30 minutes of cute. All of which makes this a solid 7/10 from me. It was originally only available on this one ap in very short form with ads so I wasn't gonna bother. Then some kind soul cut it together without ads and stuck it up for download. Say thank you.

Oddball recommendation next: This podcast episode touches on some stuff we see in Thai BL so I think it's worth listening to. Journalist Dominic Faulder on the Complex History Between Thailand & Myanmar

Happy of the End (Japan Gaga) - Completed its run. A boy is disowned for being gay, dumped by his boyfriend, and ends up in a dysfunctional co-dependant relationship with his would-be kidnapper. We were due for another messy JBL and it's exactly as expected. I do not like it at all and DNFed. Gossip round the hellhole is that was a solid decision.

Marriage Equality Law has officially been enacted in Thailand...

Yes the actual law. Goes into effect Jan 22, 2025

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Coming Oct 2024:

10/3 Fourever You (Thai iQIYI?) 16 eps - New directs Earth (UWMA, 12%) + Pond (Century of Love, 180 Degrees), Bas (Gen Y, 2 Moons) + Maxky (Why You… Y Me?) and other familiar faces like Bever. Sampler pack university BL from Wabi Sabi that looks like it's trying to be a gay Boys Over Flowers (4 older med students hot boys) and I'm not mad about it. Trailer Not sure who's distributing this but my guess is iQIYI since they had the last few from this house.

10/7 Every You Every Me (Thai Gaga) 10 eps - Jade and Chin have lived over a thousand lifetimes. In each one they somehow manage to fall in love with each other. (This pair, TopMick was piloted in a My Universe ep, that was one of the only ones I liked.)

10/10 Eccentric Romance (Korea ????) 12 eps - Silkwood’s 2nd Thai/Korean colab, that has been in production since 2022 which is a LONG time in the BL world. I'm worried but I like the concept: friends of 10 years who’ve been hiding feelings for each other enter the same university. Plus MURDER.

10/10 Gangster and His Boyfriend (Korea ????) 8 eps? - Kim Dong Bin (famous trainee & idol reality competitor, yeah that happens) stars as a fallen idol who unexpectedly becomes entangled in a gangster family. Discovers that his friend’s father is responsible for the murder of his entire family years ago. I don't know much about this one, neither does anyone else and I'm not sure where I got that release date so……

10/21 Love in the Big City (Korea ????) 8 eps - Adaptation of Booker-nominated famous coming of age novel of the same title by Park Sang-Young. Cynical yet fun loving student writer Young pinballs from home, to class, to Tinder matches. He and Jaehee, his female besie and roommate, frequent nearby bars where they push away their worries about life, love, and money with soju. As time passes Jaehee settles down and leaves Young to face his problems on his own. Young finding comfort in the arms of the series of men, including one whose handsomeness is matched by his coldness and another who might be the great love of his life. Not really BL. Stars Kim Go-eun (The King: Eternal Monarch), Noh Sang-hyun, and Nam Yoon Su (The King’s Affection). This already released as a movie and isn't very well regarded, this date is supposedly an international release as a series. I'm wary of it being BL.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I got nothing, The On1y One drove me into a funk.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.

[orchideenblute4332]

Maxley Oneshot

(I wrote this awhile ago)

Bradleys POV

I layed down in bed, coughing my guts out. My head hurt and I couldn't think straight. I was completely fine yesterday but now it feels like I'm being tortured! And the worst part is I had a date with Max and now I have to cancel. This is one of the only times we're free and I'm just fucking it up! I groaned out loud, picked up my phone and dialed Max. I need to tell him to cancel. He picks up the phone “Hey Brad!”

Shit he sounded so happy to hear me. “Hey, Max, something came up.” I sneezed into the receiver and I groaned.

“I'm sick, I need to cancel.” I could feel him become sadder but the feeling was quickly replaced with worry.

“Damn.. how sick are you?? Should I come over? Cause I can, really, I have nothing to do all day..?” I smiled at the kind gestures.

“Max, I don't want you getting sick, okay? You can come over. BUT don't tell me I didn't tell you, cause I am right now.” I could hear him giggle a little.

“Alright, I'll be over there in a few minutes!” We both hung up and 35 minutes later he opened my door with a grocery bag. 

“Sorry it took awhile, I needed to go get some groceries!” He walked over and kissed my forehead.

“Hey, noo, as much as I love you I really don't want you getting sick because of me..!” Max rolled his eyes at me and pulled my blanket higher on me.

“Well, I'm already here, so what does it matter!” He smiled and it made my face turn dark red as he played with my hair. He kissed my cheek and I kissed the top of his hand.

“Hey, I'm sorry for canceling the date. Tending to my sickness is probably the least romantic thing we could be doing right now..” He brushed a hand through my hair.

“Meh, I like taking care of people. It's like a love language to me so seriously don't worry.” I stared into his dark brown eyes and I could truly hear and feel the sincerity and care in every word and action.

I have never felt such genuine emotions from a human being. Well, not towards me at least. “OH! I should really go make you some soup!”

I laughed a little “Soup? Really? You can cook??” He gasped dramatically and picked up the grocery bag “Yea! I have a single dad and we took turns cooking each night, I know how to cook!” I nodded in understanding.

“Let me go and help you..!” I immediately coughed as I sat up and Max pressed me down onto the bed and didn't let me get up.

“No. Absolutely not. You need to rest.” He tucked me in.

“Max, seriously? I'm fine. I want to go watch you cook!” 

“Wow you don't want to help?” He laughed at me and I sat up again.

“Hey it's not my fault I had like- people to do stuff for me or whatever!” Max rolled his eyes.

“Oh my god woe is me I had servants I'm so rich oh noo” He mocked me and I got up and he grabbed my hand and we walked to the kitchen.

He pushed me onto the couch and made me lay down. “Now i'm gonna go make the soup, don't move, sit tight and sleep if you can!” I groaned loudly.

“Finee!” I yawned and rolled around on the couch and I actually started to get tired and I could feel myself fall asleep.

Max's POV

I heard Bradley yell a fine and I peeked over and he was starting to drift off to sleep. I went to his room quietly and I got a smaller blanket and I went over and put it onto him and kissed his forehead before either went back into the kitchen to cook! I got everything out of the grocery bag and I started to cool everything. I was 30 minutes into cooking and I felt a pair of hands wrap around my waist and I felt Brad kiss me.

“Brad, it's been like 30 minutes, you need more sleep.” I scolded a little but he ignored me, kissed my cheek and mumbled something about not being tired and the smell woke him up.

“You were right, it smells so amazing I can't wait. Thank you Max, seriously, you didn't need to do this for me.” I turned around to face him and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Of course I do. I love you and I'm your boyfriend and I care about you. So let me.” He smiled at me and I kissed him lightly but he quickly pulled away.

“I'm sick! No!” He put a finger on my mouth and I groaned and tried to kiss him again.

“Maximillian Goof. No, when I get better then I can kiss you all you want but right now I'm diseased so watch it. I don't want you getting sick.” I turned around and continued to cook.

“Aww is it because you care about me?”

“No, it's because I can't cook you anything and I'm kinda scared of germs..” I rolled my eyes and smiled.

“No no no no no I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!” He hugged me again and kissed my cheek.

“I know don't worry!” I laughed and kissed his cheek back.

“The soups gonna be done in like 10 minutes so go and sit down. I'll bring you some soup to the living room, now, go sit!” He nodded and walked off.

I finished cooking and I got some bowls and walked back over to Brad. He was sitting and rushed over to help bring the bowls. “This smells so good.”

I scoffed “Better than your dads workers soup?” He glared

“Okay, I only had one..!” He smiled and took a sip of the soup. He sat there for a second just thinking.

“I- I think I've fallen in love with you more.” I started laughing loudly and he just kept on eating the soup. I calmed down and started eating as well and after a while we finished the soup. 

“If I wasn't so sick I swear I would kiss you oh my god.. that was delicious.” He hugged me and layed on me.

“Alright, I'm gonna go wash the dishes and go to bed and sleep. I'll be right there.” He whined but I stood up and walked off. I cleaned quickly and went back to bed with Brad. He was already half asleep and once I got into the room he grabbed me by the hand and pulled me down to sleep. I kicked off my shoes and he pulled me close and hugged me.

“Mm thank you Max..” Brad sleepily kissed my forehead and we both fell asleep.

[imtrashraccoon]

I dunno why this one seemed to take me longer than the previous one to write as they're pretty much the same length. Meh, it's a solid chapter with plenty of comfort and a teensy bit of spice.

@owl-bones

First Day, Previous Day, & Last Day.

Bad Sansuary: Free Space - Scars

Word Count: 2,889

Feat. Axe & Killer!

Today was another difficult one. You couldn't put your finger on an exact reason why but you were just feeling down. You'd decided to just wander around the castle to see if one of the boys wasn't busy. Surely hanging out with someone would help cheer you up.

Just as you passed by the kitchen, you heard some clattering inside like someone was inside doing something. You poked your head in the room to find the exact person you had figured would be cooking right now.

Axe was in the middle of chopping up a small mound of potatoes, presumably to go with dinner later on, and he was already almost through what was there. You couldn't help but admire how dexterously he wielded the large knife that he was using and how perfectly uniform each of the cubes were.

He seemed to be in his element and you almost thought about just leaving so you wouldn't disturb him. He glanced up before you could though, apparently having sensed that you were staring. You had no idea how he kept doing that.

"hey, lil' chip," he greeted. His permanent smile stretched wider into a more genuine one and the corner of his good eye socket crinkled slightly.

"Hey Axe..." You went to go sit down on one of the barstools that were on the other side of the kitchen island where he was working. Folding your arms on the counter, you propped your chin on them so you could watch him work.

"somethin' the matter?" he asked, raising a bonebrow.

You hummed in a non-committal way.

"if ya need to, ya can tell me anythin'." He finished chopping the potatoes and moved them into a pot of water before setting them on the stove to boil.

"I don't know where to start really."

He started getting some spices out of the pantry. "are ya feelin' sick?" he called over his shoulder.

"No, I feel fine... A little tired though I guess."

He emerged from the pantry with a cinnamon stick, the container of peppercorn, and a couple of other ones that you didn't know the names of off the top of your head. He got out a mortar and pestle from the cupboard to start grinding them up before speaking again.

"i'm guessin' you're not sleepin' well then?"

You shrugged, "Nightmare still has to knock me out with magic so I guess not."

Axe grimaced and shook his skull. "that's better than not sleepin'... i could look into some remedies if ya want, besides actual medicine anyways."

"Sure, it couldn't hurt."

You found yourself following the grain of the finished wooden countertop with your eyes for a couple of minutes while Axe continued with whatever he was preparing.

Only when he set a mug with something hot that smelled spicy on the counter next to you, did you look up at him again. He sat down on a bar stool next to you and gently stroked your hair. You continued to sit there quietly while he tried to comfort you with a little bit of affection.

Hearing footsteps, he looked over at the doorway and quirked a bonebrow at whoever had entered the kitchen. You glanced over as well only to find Killer leaning against the wall.

He smirked and tilted his skull in what you thought was curiousity. "what's up?"

Axe hummed before answering, "she's havin' a day..."

Killer nodded in a knowing way and strode up to the kitchen island. He leaned against it and scanned your face thoughtfully.

"aw, you poor thing," he murmured. "maybe we could cheer you up?" He glanced over at Axe who only shrugged in response.

Killer took a seat next to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, leaning his skull against your head. "i found a new joke if you want to hear it, cutie."

"Is it a good one this time?" you grumbled.

Rather than answer, Killer decided to go ahead and tell the joke. "what do you call a bear with no teeth?" He only paused for a few seconds before adding, "a gummy bear."

You rolled your eyes. It was another lame one.

He tried again. "two men walked into a bar...you'd think at least one of them would've ducked."

Axe chuckled quietly but you could only bring yourself to exhale through your nose.

"did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? he just wanted some more space..."

You buried your face in your arms and groaned. "Your jokes are always bad, Killer..."

Axe quietly clicked his non-existent tongue and you heard the distinct sound of bone hitting bone followed by Killer letting out a surprised yelp as he jerked his skull away from you.

"what'd you do that for, big guy?"

"you're bein' annoyin'," Axe rumbled and took one of your hands in his much larger one.

Killer huffed and turned to properly look at him. "let's see you tell a better one then?" he asked in a challenging tone.

Axe paused for a moment as he thought it over, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing circles over the back of your hand. "ok, here's one... how many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?"

You looked up at him in a curious manner. "I dunno...how many?"

Before he responded, Axe glanced at Killer, who only shrugged, although he also looked interested in the answer. "only one, but he has to do it while you're eatin' dinner..."

You couldn't help the small smile that flickered over your face. Maybe it was because Axe was the one who'd told it or maybe it was just an actually good joke, you didn't know.

Killer let out a quiet hum of approval, "not bad..." He glanced at you and tilted his skull as he studied your facial expression. His smile fell slightly and he scooted a bit closer to you when he failed to find whatever he was searching for.

"it's not like you to be this quiet... so, what's bothering you?" he asked in a more serious voice.

You sighed and straightened up slightly. While you didn't want to talk about it and risk making them feel bad, they were still concerned about you.

"Well, besides the whole going through literal Armageddon, I guess right now I'm struggling with guilt. Like, I'm the only one who made it out alive and...it feels like I could've done something to help others."

"nightmare wouldn't have rescued anyone else, you know. he helped you because he took a liking to you like we did," Killer said in a matter-of-fact tone. He chuckled and glanced at Axe before adding, "In case you forgot, we're not exactly good people, angel..."

"ya told me yourself that ya weren't close with your family and i know ya didn't have any other close friends. so who would ya have even tried to save anyways?" Axe asked.

"I...don't know..." you murmured and looked down at your hands. "Even though I wasn't particularly close with anyone, I guess I'm just sad that everyone I ever knew is gone."

Both skeletons were quiet for a moment.

Axe finally put his hand on your shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "it's okay to feel this way, lil' chip... it'll probably be rough for a while, but ya aren't alone in this."

"you can come to any of us if you need to talk, okay?" Killer added. "we'll probably understand as we're all survivors of our respective worlds."

You glanced at him and then at Axe, who nodded solemnly. From what they'd told you about themselves, you knew in your soul that they were telling the truth.

The mug of what you thought was tea had cooled off a little bit and you finally took a sip. It was sweeter than you'd expected but not like a sugary sweet. It was also spicy but in a way that made you feel warm and cozy.

You couldn't help but let out a sigh of contentment as the warm, comforting liquid made its way through your system. It was easily the best tea you'd had in a while even though you generally preferred to drink coffee.

Looking over at Axe, you gave him a warm smile. "This is really good. What's it called?" you asked.

He seemed really pleased by your reaction and the corners of his permanent grin quirked up at the edges. He couldn't seemed to restrain his joy and gave your head a gentle pat.

" 's called chai tea. i can show ya how it's made later if ya want more."

You nodded enthusiastically and turned your attention back to the tea, relishing how warm the mug still was against your palms.

"the thing with trauma, is it's somethin' that ya nearly always carry with ya... sometimes 's pretty obvious and other times it isn't," Axe said with a hum.

When you glanced at him, he gestured to the crater in his skull. "i never told ya how this happened i guess..."

You shook your head and he let out a small sigh. He drummed his claws in the countertop for a moment while he collected his thoughts.

"...i don't like to talk about it much," he muttered. You noticed the edges of his deep red eyelight were quivering and he started to reach for the right side of his face, but stopped himself and clenched his fists on the counter.

"You really don't have to if it's that painful..." you started to say.

"no." Axe interrupted and turned to look at you sharply. "i want to tell you. 's not somethin' that bothers me as much anymore..."

You nodded and took another sip of your tea, giving him your full attention. Killer's arms snaked around your waist as he practically sprawled out on top of you. He only smirked when you gave him an unimpressed glare but didn't let go.

"you remember the famine i told you about, right?" When you nodded again, Axe continued, "that wasn't the only issue we had to deal with. the core, the thing powerin' the entire underground, started to fail. i used to dabble with technical stuff and so i stepped in to help..."

He grew quiet again and clenched his fists. "my brother also stepped in to help a friend, who used to be the captain of the guard, rule the underground after the king died... they got into an argument over somethin' trivial, i forget exactly what, and started fightin'... i tried to break them apart but she was too angry to see reason... that's how this happened..."

You furrowed your brows with concern. You'd tried to be careful not to stare at the crack in his skull in the past as it seemed rude and you'd never asked about it either. Before now, you had just thought he'd received it from an accident or from a fight. Although, knowing that a friend was the one who'd hurt him was far worse than either of those scenarios.

"That's awful... I'm amazed you managed to survive and come out of that in one piece."

Axe shook his skull slowly. "not quite... memory's not great anymore and talkin' used to be a lot harder too."

Killer hummed and his hold around your waist loosened a bit. "i changed too," he murmured. "after everything i've been through, my soul became heavily warped and now it's always visible."

"I was always curious about what that was." You briefly glanced at the red target that always seemed to float over his sternum.

"i'm still surprised you never asked me about it...most people can't help but stare." He shrugged and looked away. "i don't mind anymore but it's still my soul, you know? it's still embarrassing when people draw attention to it or touch it without asking first. granted, most aren't alive that long to even focus on it..."

"I can understand how that must feel, being so exposed that is, but I can't imagine having to deal with that all the time," you remarked and squeezed one of his hands in an effort to comfort him.

On second thought, you reached over and placed your other hand on one of Axe's. "You're both so strong... I... Sometimes, I don't think I deserve to have friends who care so much for me like you do." You swallowed in an effort to keep yourself from crying and took a steadying breath.

"Just...thank you... Thank you for always being here for me and trying to make me feel better. Thank you...for sharing your scars with me..."

Axe placed his other hand on top of yours and gave you a gentle smile. "ya don't have to have visible scars to be valid, lil' chip. we'll always be here if you ever need us..."

Killer nodded vigorously in agreement. He chuckled and ran his other hand over the back of yours. "even when you're feeling down, you're still quick to try and comfort people, huh, angel cheeks?"

You rolled your eyes and jerked your hand away from him. "Look, I can't help it... It's basically second nature to me, okay?" you grumbled.

Axe stood up suddenly, causing you to glance over at him, wondering if he was upset. Instead, he seemed happy and held open his arms in the universal gesture for a hug.

You didn't hesitate for a second and squirmed out of Killer's grasp, which he let out a small whine of disappointment over. You didn't care though and immediately went to embrace Axe.

He responded by picking you up and engulfing you in one of his signature bear hugs. You couldn't help giggling from the gesture and tried to wrap your arms around him, but couldn't even span halfway around his ribcage.

"aw, don't leave me out!"

You and Axe both looked over at Killer, who was doing his best to look forlorn. You didn't know skeletons could manage to look so pouty but it was somehow effectively tugging at your heartstrings.

Axe grunted and you swear he rolled his eyelight. "you've been hangin' off of her this entire time so ya don't get to complain..."

Killer stood up and marched over to the two of you. "so? she's too adorable not to hug..." He winked at you and to Axe's frustration, managed to worm his way into the hug.

You didn't mind in the slightest and tried to hug him back, but it was a bit difficult to do so as you were technically pinned between them.

Killer was suddenly inches from your face and his permanent grin morphed into more of a smirk. "i know something that could make you even cuter though~"

You felt your cheeks heat up and you tried to create some distance, but you literally couldn't move. He closed then closed the gap and pressed a kiss against your cheek, with no regard for how embarrassed it made you.

"there we go~" he purred.

Then, one of Axe's large hands grabbed Killer's skull and basically pried him off of you. He tried to reach for you with grabby hands, but Axe was holding him just out of reach. Thankfully, the giant of a skeleton safely set the beanpole on the ground, but then he adjusted the way he was holding you so that you were more out of reach.

"tiny menace," Axe growled, although he didn't really seem angry, just mildly annoyed.

Killer crossed his arms. "i resent that, you're literally the only one taller than me."

"still tiny."

While it was kind of funny watching them bicker, you weren't about to point out that you were shorter than all of them. It was still slightly frustrating that they could just leer over you whenever they felt like it.

Axe clicked his non-existent tongue and shifted his attention over to you. "you're not mad he did that, right?" he asked.

You shook your head but avoided looking directly at Killer for fear of blushing even more. No doubt he'd make a face or do something stupid just to get that sort of reaction out of you.

"i can't let him get away with that, ya know?" His tone was a bit more gruff from before and being this close to him caused it to vibrate throughout your whole body.

"I...uh..." You couldn't seem to formulate a coherent response and you were certain your cheeks had turned a bright pink.

With a low chuckle, Axe pressed a skeleton kiss against your other cheek. As soon as he let go, you ducked your head against his ribcage in an effort to hide how flushed you'd become.

"well that's one thing i can agree with ya with," Axe hummed. "she's definitely cuter this way..."

You weakly punched his shoulder and grumbled under your breath. They were going to be the death of you one of these days, you were certain of it.

Things would be okay eventually or at least, you were confident you'd be able to say that one day. You had actual friends now who would see you through thick and thin, which was certainly more than you had before. You had plenty of time to make many more happy memories too. Maybe you could even make some more friends? Hopefully some more "normal" ones but you weren't betting on it...

[fumblefeatures]

Chapter 19 of Spider Lost - Spotted Dick

Out now!!!

------

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55082416/chapters/167290177

‐-----------

Sneak Peak vvvv

"Are you finally gonna' answer the question I actually asked you?" Barbara asked Peter.

He rubbed the back of his neck, realising that said question had definitely vacated itself from his short-term memory, "Umm, what question was that again?"

"Do you want me to put me to put in an order for, 'Choking Mother Nature: How the Fossil Fuel Industry is Poisoning our Plants' by Dr Pamela Isley?"

"How long will it take?"

"About a day, they've got it at NYPL."

"Oh. Then nah, I'll just read it when I'm back in New York."

"Good choice… there's a reason most of 'Dr Isley's' work isn't stocked here… You know she's technically a terrorist, right?"

"Isn't she reformed?"

"Meh… debatable. Why do you need it anyway? Aren't you and Dr Micheals actively working on trying to create an alternative for fossil fuels?"

"I need it for my research paper… I'm writing about what we're doing at WI and why it's important."

"Fair enough. Yano, it's good to see you actually studying for once."

"Hey, I study at your place sometimes."

Barbara stood up, pulled her backpack over one shoulder and placed a sign on the desk which read 'Gone for break, be back in twenty. :)' as she spoke, "No, you lay out a bunch of textbooks and then start doodling new costume designs and gadgets…"

"Well, in my defence, I really need to finish my new costume, I'm getting sick of people calling me Red Hood all the time, also it's causing me actual issues, the other night the GCPD actually shot at me?"

"Damn, the GCPD shoot at him? I really hope Jason's okay… But that sucks for you too, Peter, sorry…"

"Ah don't be, reminds me of the good old days back home…"

"The NYPD used to try and shoot you?" Babs asked as she walked around her desk and the two started wandering back to the table where Peter's stuff was stationed.

"Still do sometimes, less so nowadays, but there's still a few JJJ fans out there… Yuri started to reign em' in a bit though. Still, I hope Miles is dealing with it okay…"

"If you taught him, then I'm sure he's doing fine… let's just hope he didn't pick up any of your quips…"

"Hey, don't diss my quippage game, I quip with the best of them."

"Then they all must hate you for bringing down their rep… maybe they should start shooting at you too."

"Oooh, good one."

"Thank you."

Eventually, they arrived at the study room a few bookshelves away from Babs' desk, and they approached the table where Dick had his face in an open book. Literally, he was drooling and snorting as he took a surprise nap, using 'Economic Theory 101' as a pillow.

Barbara and Peter shared a quick smirk between them before Barbara knelt down next to Dick's ear and whispered loudly, "Boo!"

Dick shot up, loudly calling out as he did, "In the Keynesian view, aggregate demand does not necessarily equal the productive capacity of the economy!"

A harsh 'shush!' was heard coming from the main room in response to Dick's frantic yell.

"Good morning to you too, sleeping beauty…" Peter offered with a smile.

Dick blinked aggressively a couple times and shook his head before looking at Babs and Peter and sheepishly responding, "Ugh, sorry, long night last night…"

"I can see that, but please try not to drool all over my books…" Barbara added as she looked at the wet pool in the middle of the page.

"Heh. Sorry, did you two discuss anything interesting while I was having my nap?" Dick asked as he wiped away the tiny puddle of dribble.

"Just the amount of people who want to shoot at Peter…"

"Ah, classic…" Dick yawned and stretched before wincing and pulling back his right arm in mild discomfort, "You know, that's actually why I'm so tired, I was up late last night stitching up my costume while Kory stitched… well, me… someone nicked my arm with a forty-five. It's still a bit sore…" He said as he gingerly stroked his arm.

"Diddums to you… sincerely." Peter offered, with a genuine tone which didn't match his words, "We were actually talking about my chat with Wally…" Peter said as both he and Babs grabbed a chair and sat themselves down at the table.

If you want to find out what Wally said to Peter, please consider reading my fic 💞💞💞

[choster33]

Bridgerton S3 Episode 4 Reaction

So I finally watched the last episode of Part 1 and it was everything I wanted it to be! It was so steamy and full of Colin angst. I am going to write and react about what I saw so if you want to read on!

First off, the rest of the Featheringtons are trash. They're hilarious, but horrible sisters and mother to Penelope. I will one day write an essay about the trauma that Pen has gone through and etc. because ugh. Now on to Lord Debling who is adorable with his plant present.

Yes a nod to Penelope sitting at that settee and enjoying the view of Bridgerton House aka where her love Colin is at. I think she isn't leading Lord Debling on here, she genuinely is getting tired of being in the corner, playing what if and ready for a real relationship. She's not in love with Lord Debling, but ready to accept something real over her years of fantasizing over Colin for nothing.

I agree with people who wrote that the scene that Colin is rereading his journal, he's going over what Penelope has read so that he knows what she read and enjoyed and what would be going through her mind. Lady Bridgerton for sure knows that Colin is in love with Penelope! She knows he's in love and he couldn't take his eyes off of Penelope. And she's no idiot, the boy is acting love sick and she can smell that a mile away.

Tillie Arnold is an amusement, but not endgame.

Is it just me or is Lord Anderson not that funny or charming? I don't mind him courting Violet or anything to do with his person, but I don't get it. Maybe I'm taking cues from Lady Danbury who is an impeccable judge of character, but I'm meh about him.

LOL! I love Queen Charlotte and Brimsley! The step another pace backwards comment was gold. "You read me too well."

Awww look at Francesca's little face! She likes John so much! They just get each other and the two actors portray that so well. The joy they have when together, the unspoken silences, and the chemistry they have is evident and I like them!

Lord Samadani is portrayed perfectly as well- he is handsome and dashing and everything that a traditional girl would have wanted. But not what Francesca wants.

Aw, poor Cressida. I never thought I would think or say that, but here we are. The writers have reframed her into a victim of the ton and has tried to free her from the trope of Mean Blonde Bitch.

Oh, Pen it's so obvious you're staring at Colin. Even Lord Debling can tell something's up. I really like Lord Debling, I think he's so cute! I know he's not endgame, but he's doing everything right so far. Asking her how he would secure her hand and putting out feelers of her reaction to a proposal.

Oho the infamous prostitute scene! Yes, he seems incredibly disinterested. Of course his enthusiasm is elsewhere it's with Penelope! I don't mind this scene so much because it just heightens Colin's disinterest with any woman except for Penelope.

Ha! I love how Francesca just accosted Lord Kilmartin! She knows what she wants and it's this man! They are so cute and awkward and adorable! Francesca wants love, but doesn't want to or know how to play games like Daphne did. They are the on the spectrum romance I didn't know I wanted or needed.

Ooh more Cressida backstory and it is grim. Her family and house are so cold. Yeesh. No wonder she is who she is and does what she does. Eloise is sweet to come by and check up on Cressida, she's a good friend. Her father seems like a pill.

I like the Mondrich's and understand them having class/adjustment issues about suddenly becoming part of the ton. It's good to have some contrast and real people part of the main story, but I also don't understand Will's determination to not see how it looks for him to be serving as bartender. With that act he seemingly doesn't understand the whole have/have not system the ton is based on. Wake up, Will!

These assholes. I never liked these puffed up men of the ton who parade about as rakes, but are more likely just assholes who've slept with a girl or two, who they've most likely had to pay. I'm not a prude or judgmental, but I am with Colin and would be sick of them too.

Penelope being wary of her engagement with Lord Debling makes sense. The girl has been in love with Colin Bridgerton for years and still is and so it would be hard for her to just throw that all away and go with Lord Debling, whom she is not in love with. She's not opposed to him, but also waiting for true love.

Ha! We get more love sick and pining Colin! It's sad to see him like this, but also sweet poetic justice for all the years Penelope was pining alone for him. Lady Bridgerton is such a good mother! She knows Colin like the back of her hand and I love the part where she talks about armor. She knows he's been playing a part lately and wants him to be his Cinnamon Roll self.

She knew exactly what she was doing when she mentions Penelope and getting a proposal! That minx! She's sharp and sly and knows exactly what to say to get a response from her children. Lol.

The ballet was gorgeous! That hair piece OMG it was stunning! I like the Queen, but no Francesca will not end up with Lord Samadani!

The ballet sequence is interesting because of Penelope's reaction to it. The ballet is a romance story and Penelope is wrapped up in it. Other people are admiring the artistry and appreciating the dancers, but Penelope is swept up in it. Which proves that a loveless marriage will not do for her.

See, back to Lord Anderson and I get why he would like Violet, but not why she would like him back. They are reading friends to me than late in life love match. I just don't see instant chemistry or anything.

Tillie is beautiful and amusing, but eventually Benedict is going to chafe at the hiding things and lack of romance. Clearly Tillie is her own woman and not needing a man, which will turn Benedict off eventually I believe.

I actually like the Cressida and Eloise relationship. What am I saying? But I do! I think it's cute. Cressida is in sore need of a friend to soften her and Eloise needs one that listens to her.

Yes! Colin thinking back to that one day and the glass and the looks and the comments about eyes. They were so close and comfortable with each other because they were friends before feelings and etc got in the way.

More Francesca and John and they are very cute. She's abrupt with him at first because she thinks he doesn't like her, but lights up when she sees his gesture. This man gets her to her very soul and it's very cute. Lemonade isn't going to cut it man! She has someone who reads her very soul! The queen's face lol!

Excuse me! Colin is here for a purpose, boys, out of the way!

Oof, you were being honest, but way to fumble the ball Lord Debling. He knows that Penelope loves romance and romance novels and couldn't throw her a bone about one day being in love. Maybe that's what it is and wasn't meant to be, but oof.

Here comes unhinged Colin and I love it! I have been spoiled by this from all over and here it is! Yes walking right up to a dancing couple like that quite scandalous! This is going to be good.

Eros and Psyche indeed! Cressida can be a cow at times, but she's right here. Everything she's putting out here is right. They are old friends, but something is going on between them and directly across the street of that window Penelope's obsessed with. She gives Lord Debling all the answers and clues to put the pieces together.

I feel for Penelope because she feels like Lord Debling is her one and only shot at a husband, but Lord Debling is not a fool and has figured out about her and Colin. He's not wrong and the two of them would not have been a good match, but I feel bad for Penelope.

Colin running down this carriage, yes very unhinged behavior indeed! The boy is lovestruck! Those eyes when he says he cannot leave her alone! They are so in love and the total opposite reaction we see from him with the prostitutes. He is all emotion, all heart on his sleeve and I love to see it.

They're getting it on, they're doing it! Eeek, squee, all the feels! That moment after they start kissing where they look at each other to see if this is real and yes, yes it is! Then they get back into it hot and heavy. He's going for more and she gives the nod of consent. Yes, let's do this Colin! I've been spoiled about the fingering but it is hot! Yes Go get it girl!

Aww that moment of laughter between the two so cute! I've seen other posts on this and it's a moment where they are two old friends and giggling together and that is the nature of their romance and relationship and I agree. It's utterly adorable.

Ok!!! Ugh now I know why so many people can't wait for part 2. Fortunately for me, it's only a couple more days and I can't wait!!!! We're going to have Lady Whistledown drama, Eloise drama, a lot of Polin sex, and a marriage! I can't wait I can't wait!

[raginggeeksworld]

Hi!! ♥️🌻

I saw your requests are open and I just read the one you just posted from Aleksander.

I wanted to see if you wanted to write a story that came to mind when I read your story (it's okay if you don't feel like writing it because it seems repetitive to you)

What if it goes back to the time when the Darkling created the fold.

Aleksander is married to an inferni and they both have a small child, so when the king's men find him in the cabin by accident they end up hurting his son and he dies.

The reader and he are devastated and the Darkling, seeing his wife on the verge of collapse, decides to corrupt himself and create the fold against Ravka.

And that is the villain origin of The Darkling and his wife

(Maybe you could put in a bit of Baghra talking to Aleksander or the reader about her grandson)

Hope you have a nice day and I'm excited to read the stories you post ♥️🤗

Christ on a stick, you thought about that a lot at night? It's an insanely good request (and I might just believe it that if he had a wife, this might've been one reason for him to become a villain)

A/N: Again, thank you for your patience love!

The end feels kinda rushed and cringe-y, but meh, I tried my best

What you made me

TW: character going slowly mad with grief, child death (2), assault, angst

(Some of the things in the story are really not for the weak!)

They came without warning.

It was a peaceful night, nothing out of the ordinary, the fresh midnight air easing his exhaustion that seemed to follow him for the past weeks.

His wife wasn't that energetic either, but at least they knew her reasons for being tired all the time. Growing another life inside their body tends to do that to women.

Aleksander couldn't wait to finally get home to his family. His wife, one of the most cunning Infernis he's ever met, their three year old son, who seemed to look like his exact replica, and their unborn daughter, who they were excited to meet in just a few short months.

As soon as he opened the front door to their home, Aleksander heard the quiet footsteps hurrying to him in the candlelight. His wife hugged him with such force, he had to take a step back to fully balance both of them.

When he slightly let go of his wife, she didn't hesitate to give a weak slap to his face. Aleksander looked bewildered. "What was that for?"

"For not informing me about you coming home later than usual. I've been worried sick for the last four hours, wondering where the fuck you are!"

Y/N whisper shouted at him, so as not to wake their son. Her gaze could've melted stone right in that moment. Aleksander didn't like to be on the receiving end of her furious glare.

Then she pulled him by his neck and kissed him as if he had been away for not four hours, but four years. Her kiss was tender, yet commanding. Aleksander didn't stop until she pulled away first.

"And this, is for coming home to us." Y/N pressed her forehead against his, as he put a hand over her bump. It wasn't that big yet, but it was enough for anyone to know she wasn't alone in her body.

"She's been kicking a lot today. Drives me mad," Y/N said and her husband laughed. "I bet she's just excited to meet you."

"Just four more months and she'll be here." She smiled a little at the thought. Aleksander kissed her again, and she melted into his hug.

There was an urgent knock on the door, which made the couple turn towards the door. Aleksander gave Y/N a look, and she immediately went into her son's room, out of sight.

They came without warning.

Aleksander just put his hand on the doorhandle, when suddenly it busted open and soldiers of the Army dragged him out of the house and kicked him onto the ground.

Aleksander could hear muffled sounds from his home, then his son was shouting and sounds of a fight could be heard. Then he saw the soldiers dragging his pregnant wife out the door, with their son crying into her neck as she held him, a gun pointed at her head.

Y/N was an Inferni. One of the best. Actually, if Aleksander was honest with himself, she was the best of the best. More trained and in control of her powers than anyone he's ever seen. Before he could ask himself why didn't she use her powers, he quickly reminded himself that if she did, it would cause more trouble than what they were in right now.

Y/N slowly walked with the soldier beside her, the gun still at her temple, and got stopped in front of Aleksander. She didn't let her fear show, but her husband knew that she was terrified. Their son was in lethal danger, and they both knew that if the situation got out of hand, they could lose their unborn child too.

Aleksander tried to remain calm, all the while counting the guns pointed at him and his family. The soldiers began arguing with him, listing crimes he did never commit, connecting every single one of them to the fact he was born a Grisha. Not just an ordinary one, but a Shadow Summoner at that.

The shot came without warning.

He could see the war behind their hateful gaze, they admired him just as much as they feared him. And nothing is more powerful than fear. Even the slightest second, the tiniest bit of dread can make you lose everything you hold dear.

Aleksander tried to reason with them, calmly at first. Doing everything they said, trying to make them see he is not the monster the rumors make him appear to be.

Then he tried playing mind games on them, manipulating them, pointing their fear towards something else, convincing them with everything he could.

He saw the soldiers leave her wife and son alone, now focusing more on him. He swallowed down the relieved sigh that was about to escape him.

But it only lasted a few seconds, before their leader began yelling, figuring out he was using them to leave them alone. It soon turned into an argument where Aleksander still tried to hold back himself from killing every one of them for putting a hand on his family.

It turned into a fight. Aleksander still refused to use his powers, no matter the urge he felt to do the exact opposite.

One second the soldiers were crowding in on Aleksander. One of them tripped with their gun still in hand.

The shot came without warning.

The next second all he could hear was the painful shriek of his wife. He turned his only a second but it was enough to make him lose control.

Their son's blood all over Y/N's face and hands as her whole body seemed to tremble, her eyes looking at the ground. Her face was full of shock and nothing else, as if her thoughts ceased to exist.

Another scream left her, more painful than the first as she slowly collapsed on her knees and cried for their son.

Aleksander couldn't look at the scene anymore. His focus was on the soldiers now. The urge he felt before, the urge to destroy, it came back with full force. And he let it out.

The shadows consumed everything and for a split second there was nothing except darkness. The sound of a blade whoosing through the air could be heard and all of the soldiers were dead.

Aleksander quickly dropped down in front of his weeping wife. He tried to get her up, to escape somewhere they won't find them, but she was still in too much shock to focus on anything else than her son.

"Please, my love, I beg of you, we need to get out of here." Aleksander begged with tears in his eyes, not wanting to lose her too. Y/N looked up at him with eyes full of pain, the blood a horrifying reminder on her face.

"This-this is, it's just, it's just paint," Y/N stuttered, trying to make a coherent sentence, then she nodded, as if confirming something. "It's just paint." She nodded again, and Aleksander watched her with a sad face.

Eventually he was able to help her up from the ground and he quickly gathered some of their stuff from the house, most of them being clothes and their son's blanket. He gave the blanket to Y/N, who immediately wrapped their dead son in it, as if it could warm him up. Aleksander didn't have the heart to explain to his grieving wife their son was dead, when she was in such a shock. It would do more damage than good.

They made their way through the forest, only stopping to drink or for Y/N to rest a little. They finally arrived to a small cottage on the edge of the forest, and the sun was just about to come up. Baghra rushed them inside, her face full of worry.

They sat down at the small table in the kitchen, Aleksander and Baghra constantly talking about what happened, when Y/N spoke up.

"We need warm water," she whispered and Aleksander turned to her. "Of course," he said and grabbed a bowl to get some water for them. Baghra looked at the blood on her face and her grandson in Y/N's arms, wrapped in a blanket that had bloodstains on it.

"I need to wash it off. It's just paint." She said and Baghra looked at her with concern. Aleksander was about to tell her to leave his wife alone, but Baghra gently lifted the blanket from her grandson's face. Seeing his lifeless eyes, his pale skin and the dried blood on the back of his head, Baghra had to muffle a cry.

"It's just paint." Y/N whispered again, and began to rock her son gently, as if he was upset.

As if he was still alive.

That's what Y/N's been saying ever since that night. Whenever Aleksander or Baghra tried to take her son out of her arms, to check up on her properly, or to get her to sleep at least a few hours, she would say it.

He was just sleeping.

Her grip would tighten around the boy, out of protection, as she'd say he's just tired and he just needs to sleep. Sometimes she would rock him gently, or humm a lullaby to him, or even tuck him to bed, as if he was still alive.

Y/N was more like a ghost, never seeming to eat, never seeming to sleep, to talk, to move, or do anything beside taking of her son's corpse.

Aleksander was begging her to eat, day and night, never getting more than a few bites down her throat. He tried to reason with her, if not for herself than do it for their unborn daughter, who quite literally won't survive without her mother.

That made some life return to Y/N, and she began to eat a little more every day. Eventually she didn't even notice when she started to eat four or five times a day, always too caught up in her thoughts that never seemed to stop.

There was a small part of her, a voice in her head trying to get her back to reality. Make her see that if she tries to bury her pain it will slowly destroy her. Make her see that she needs to take care of her well-being.

It was as if her brain was trying to keep her awake, so as not to relieve her pain in her nightmares. As if she was trying to block out reality and slowly create her own world, where her son was still alive and smiling and running around.

He was just sleeping.

But it was grotesque just looking at herself: she was getting bigger and bigger as she came closer to giving birth, meanwhile her son remained still and pale as a ghost, never growing anymore.

She tried to bury her pain, alter her grief in a way it would hurt least, create a aworld inside her where none of it happened, where her sweet boy was smiling at her.

One day she was tucking her son to sleep in the late afternoon, the sun not setting yet, when she touched her son's face and noticed the dried blood. She's been touching her dead son for months, but today was the day when it felt real.

When she finally realized that this was not her son anymore, this was not the little boy she loved, this was no more than a cold body, a corpse, waiting to be buried.

Aleksander practically burst through the door when he heard his wife's painful scream. He quickly held her close to his chest as she cried over her son's corpse. These past few months he'd been on edge, waiting for Y/N to finally snap out of her head.

It hurt him to see her in so much pain the first time. He did not imagine it would be just as painful the second time.

Y/N wailed, screamed, sobbed, eventually she even began to burn the coat off Aleksander's arms, but he didn't care. He soothed the flames a little with his shadows, but let his wife let it all out. He wasn't going to stop her from grieving.

Aleksander didn't imagine it to be just as painful as the first time. He had soon realized it can be even worse.

Blood was dripping on Y/N's legs as she cried. Her head was throbbing from all the screaming and crying, her chest was getting tighter and tighter from the pain, and she felt like she was burning.

She felt the blood slowly dripping from between her legs while Aleksander was shouting something to Baghra. In her painful cries she realized what was happening.

She began sobbing even more.

Baghra had to deliver the baby, even though she was coming nearly two months earlier. Y/N had to push the baby out, even though she wasn't in active labour yet. If she waited too long, the baby would get stuck, and both of them would die.

The girl was born still.

Y/N was still holding her dead newborn weeks later. She was rocking her, humming lullabies for her, changing her, even smiling down at her and holding her little hand, talking to her.

She began to alternate her pain again. This time it became a lot worse a lot more sooner. It wasn't just the baby anymore, she brought her dead son into her made up world too. She would act as if both children were alive and happy, one time even sitting with them in the garden and talking with them.

Her son was sleeping, because he was running around all day.

Aleksander and Baghra could only watch her descend into madness. Whenever they tried to get her back to reality, to let her grieve her children properly, as soon as she realized she would have to leave the imaginary world behind, she acted like nothing was wrong.

After another month of his failed attempts, Aleksander had enough. One day he stood in front of his wife, who was about to get their son from the bed, and he stopped her.

Her daughter was sleeping, because babies sleep a lot during the first months.

"This has to stop." He commanded, and Y/N looked at him playfully. "I know I shouldn't smolder him this much, but he's just-"

"He's dead!" Aleksander told her. "He's-," His voice cracked and he had to swallow down the lump in his throat.

"Our son is dead, Y/N. Our daughter too. Both of our children are dead." He whispered, not hiding the pain in his voice while grabbing Y/N's face between his hands, trying to make her understand.

"That's not funny. They're just sleeping, you know how kids are-" Y/N reasoned with him, but it made him snap at her.

"Our children are dead for fuck's sake!" Aleksander shouted, the tears evident in his red, sleepless eyes. "Our son was shot right outside our home, and our daughter was born dead." He said as if stating facts. They were facts, but he had to tell them to her face to get her to realize.

"I beg of you Y/N, please, don't bury your pain any deeper. I cannot see you drive yourself into madness." He shook his head, not caring how desperate he sounded. He was willing to do anything at this point to get a reaction out of her.

Y/N looked at him worriedly, but it soon turned into a knowing look, a look that screamed of pain, grief and fear.

"They're just sleeping." She whispered and tears streamed down her face. She remained neutral, though her voice was filled with agony. "They're just sleeping."

She kept saying those words as recognition filled both of their eyes.

Aleksander realized she's been aware of her loss, but she refused to believe it, hoping it would take away her pain if she tried to erase the facts from her mind.

Y/N realized her children were gone, dead. Her husband has been trying to keep the last piece of her sanity still in tact, hoping she wouldn't succumb to madness, or depression, or worse, suicide.

Baghra helped them make a grave and thombstone for both their son and daughter. Y/N and Aleksander stayed at their graves long after Baghra went inside to give them privacy. They just stared at the graves in silence, the tears dried on their faces, with sore eyes and probably empty gazes.

Y/N grabbed Aleksander's hand and gave him a tight squeeze, as she spoke up.

"I want to kill them." Her voice was no louder than a whisper, filled with agony. Aleksander looked at her as she turned to look at him.

"I want all of them to feel the pain that I have to feel." Her voice wavered as her gaze lit up in anger. "I want the world to burn."

Aleksander looked at his wife without surprise, without guilt, without any kind of remorse about what he was going to do.

"Then we destroy them."

Y/N and Aleksander stood side by side in their beautiful keftas, the black and red colors foreshadowing the soldiers' fate.

Aleksander let go of the reign holding his powers, therefore he began creating something that would change their lives forever.

Y/N was true to her words: she burned everything that came across her way. They didn't call her the best of the best just because of the title. Her power had the ability to improve itself, to evolve into something far bigger than she ever would've imagined.

She only needed the least bit of heat, wether from nature or from the human body itself, for her to conjure her fire.

She burned them. All of them.

Her hunger to avenge everything she had to lost, became far greater than she thought at first. She told herself she wasn't a killer, she wasn't a monster.

But what is a monster, if not the one who enjoys inflicting pain without remorse? And enjoying it, Y/N did. She smiled as she watch the last of the soldiers scream for mercy, the mercy she was not allowed to have.

Baghra tried to reason with the both of them as she watched the Fold slowly divide Ravka. She argued with them what the consequences of their actions are, that power like this has a price they might not be willing to give.

Y/N stepped closer to the woman, the emotions gone from her eyes.

"Do you know ehat it feels like to watch your own children die?" She asked and Baghra didn't know how to answer. She looked at the girl with grief, opening her mouth to convince her of stopping, but Y/N grabbed the collar of her dresd and yanked her closer.

"Watching your children, your own flesh and blood, their lives slowly slipping away in your own fucking hands, all the while knowing there is nothing you can do to stop it." Y/n said, her voice a mix of anger and sadness, with a hint of madness creeping in.

Aleksander put a hand on her shoulder, silently telling her to stop and just go, but she didn't stop.

"You think I wouldn't avenge their death? Did you seriously believe that I wouldn't bring justice in their name?" Y/N chuckled silently, but it sounded like a madman's laugh, slowly slipping into insanity.

"Every single one of them, every single person who believes, or even thinks about Grisha as the enemy, as the monster, will pay the price for my children's death. Was it not for them, they would still be alive. And I will not stop, not until the last person against Grisha is dead, burning under my fingertips." She threatened and stepped away from Baghra, who now had a very concerned look on her face.

"And I will look them in the eye and laugh, and laugh, as they die." Y/N told her at last, and turned to walk away from her. Aleksander had a firm hand on her back, his belief in her not wavering for one second.

Together, they will create a new order, a better Ravka, where Grisha will no longer be the subject of the world.

Where Grisha are no longer a threat.

Where Grisha can live like Kings and Queens.

[thievinghippo]

whining about WIP beneath the cut. I just need to get this off my chest

I'm so sick of writing this fic. So sick of it. (Not the gae'zel fic) But I am 7/8th of the way done with it and I just need to cross the fucking finish line

I've managed to force myself to write 500 words a day so far this year and if I can keep that up, I can probably be done with it in 5 days or so

I started it almost three years ago and I really want to clean out all of my WIP. I've retired a bunch, accepted that I won't finish them. I don't want this to be one of them. Because it's pretty good. Definitely not my best, but it's funny, it's cute, and I like the premise

But I'm so sick of writing chapter four. I need to write a big sex scene to close things out (the fic wouldn't make sense if it doesn't end with a big sex scene) and I'm just meh. Which I'm sure will show in the writing, but I'm tired of perfect being the enemy of good

It's never gonna be perfect. At this point, I just want it fucking done

(Taking a break is the most obvious advice, but I don't want to take a break when I literally only have to write a big sex scene and the damn fic is done. Sigh)

Just gonna put my nose to the grindstone and bang this out!

[stupidloafofbread]

(guess who I am) so I was wondering what are your headcanons for the RT in ur AU? Maybe I missed that post or something cuz I never really got to know.😭

Sorry, just woke up! But yeah, I never actually said my headcanons for em lmao

It's still a work in progress but meh- Les go:

Helly headcanons!

- He has tons of blankets lmao

- He probably has like a million scratches or marks from missions

- He does, in fact, know how to work a gun (poli thought it was a good idea to teach him)

- He has ADHD (def not projecting myself onto him there-)

- If there's a version of cartoons in the Rcp world, Helly would watch them

- Goes by They/Them/He/Him/She/her (doesn't care what you use)

- Asexual and maybe trans?

Time for Poli

- From time to time he overworks himself to the point of just, fucking passing out

- He can use a gun (hence teaching Helly) but rarely does, cuz there's really no need to

- Can be a bit "hostile" when dealing with certain people. (I'll leave it up to y'all to figure out who or what I'm talking about)

- Honestly, he still fears caterpillars but not as much as he used to

- Nearly fucking froze outside before

- Goes by He/It

- Still figuring out his sexuality but identifies as Non-binary for now

Ight Time for Roy!

- Hug

- Will not hesitate to beat a bitch (only if they deserve it)

- Tends to lock himself in his room when he's sick or too tired

- tries to get everyone calmed down when something is going on with one of the RT members (take that thing with Helly for example)

- Has burn marks on his body, kinda like how Helly has scars from missions and/or rescues (I call them missions for some reason-)

- Goes by He/Him

- Bi

Amber time!

- She can perfectly throw a syringe right at someone's head, don't test her.

- Helly sees her as a big sister!

- She rarely gets mad, but when she does it's best to wait it out or just hide-

- She for some reason, has axe throwing skills

- Also will not hesitate to beat a bitch up

- Is probably the most trustworthy with secrets

- Goes by She/They

- Lesbian and Still figuring out gender

And time for Jin!

- Mother of the team

- Gets annoyed easily and tends to lash out at Helly but immediately apologizes for it

- Whenever she's bored, she'll go for a walk around the test track/lap thingy (idfk what it's called-) or the forest

- Sees some of the people in broomstown annoying af (and wishes they'd give the team a break from time to time)

- Personally likes tea more then coffee, but will drink coffee from time to time

- If any of the RT gets into a very sad state (Helly), she'll tell them to take a break and if they don't, she'll force em to

- Probably also has ADHD

- Goes by She/Her

- Also asexual

And idk if I'm missing anything or anyone!

That's about all I have!

[cvntyvvitch]

Alcohol 4/10 nice feeling uninhibited, but mostly just makes me feel sick and get a headache.

Alprazolam 2/10 very chill but mostly just felt tired and slow

Amphetamine 9/10 I'm fast as fuck boiiii, feel great and can do so much shit. constant flow state.

Caffine 7/10 like baby amphetamine, can't get to nearly the same level but gives you like the demo version. it's got the spirit of the amph.

Cocaine 5/10 like amphetamine but just kinda, worse idk. maybe like a slower come on, but you come down faster. amph got me going allll dayyy.

Dextromethorphan(DXM) 11/10 best shit ever, as long as you get the pure stuff and don't mix with meds. just makes everything feel great, feel like you are floating all day.

Diazepam 4/10 like Alprazolam but maybe like slower release. still not that fun tho.

Diphenhydramine 3/10 idk, after I forced myself to stay awake, did see the hat man but wasn't like that scary. maybe if I did it at night but wasn't horrible like I've heard. much better options tho, not worth the trouble.

Lysergic acid diethylamide(LSD) 7/10 alright this can be really fun BUT you gotta make sure you are in the right situation. if you are gonna be tripping in even a slightly uncomfortable situation, it will just be a ton of stress and no fun.

Methamphetamine 4/10 just do amphetamine. same issue with coke, doesn't last long, doesn't feel as 'clean' and you have to keep taking it. none of those problems with amph.

methylenedioxymethamphetam(MDMA) 6/10 I don't think I got a large enough dose for it to be that great, felt very warm and fuzzy, prob would have been great fucking on but didn't have the opportunity.

Nicotine 1/10 it's just really not worth the addiction. like you get that rush at first but very quickly it isn't fun anymore and it's just something you have to do.

Nitrous oxide 7/10 aight so I was doing this shit with whippit crackers and a baloon before you could get huge cans of the stuff, I attribute that to why my brain isn't completely fried. it's a bad idea probably but very nice tingly numbing feeling through your whole body. only lasts a few seconds tho so meh.

Oxycodone 6/10 fuckin lit, feel great for hours. like being drunk without the mental impairment or hangover, just the warm body feeling, very nice. prob not worth an opiod addiction tho so had to dock a point or 2.

Psilocybin 10/10 like LSD but kinda more controlled and spiritual. it's a slower come on and you feel much more kinda connected to the universe. with LSD I feel like you kinda crash into it and trip for longer than you want to, but with shrooms I feel they are just right.

Tetrahydrocannabinol(THC) 8/10 like pretty good all things considered, but in my experience it is easy to depend on it in the same way you can nic. kinda just makes you ok with daydreaming, but does feel nice when your tolerance is low. pretty easy to control the high if you know what you are doing which is a plus.

[randomscropio]

I'm Fine

Day five of @angelcloves half mil extravaganza, Hunter womp Wednesday. I felt so bad for the poor bad but sad boy that I consider my son while writing this.

Warnings: sick Hunter, father, Dadrius, hiding sickness, nausea, headache, fever

In the morning Hunter didn't feel too bad, there was a small tight feeling in his head but it was fine. He was fine... right?

Hunter was not fine. He was anything but fine.

He constantly felt cold and was shivering badly, despite being damp with sweat. Everything was way too bright and loud, his head pounded. His throat was sore to the point that he couldn't swallow anything without being in a lot of pain. He was really tired and nauseous. He felt helpless.

He felt gross but didn't say anything, he didn't want to bother anyone. Especially the adults. He knew that they would take care of him and wouldn't mind, but he also knew that they worked so much.

During lunch, he felt lightheaded.

"Hunter, are you okay?" Willow asked concern etched on her face.

"I'm fine," Hunter replied he wasn't eating anything. He felt way too nauseous to do that.

"Are you sure? You've been acting a little weird." Gus said.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Hunter said.

Why did his head feel so heavy?

"Hunter, please be honest." Viney was starting to draw a spell circle.

"I am being honest!" Hunter yelled as loudly as his throat would let him.

He winced immediately after.

"Are you being honest about that?" Willow asked.

"Yes! I'm being honest! Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go to another table since you guys don't think that." Hunter said, walking to another table.

He felt lightheaded and blacked out.

"Mgh." Hunter groaned as he got up. He was in his bed.

That's strange. I never got home... did I?

"Oh, good. You're awake." Darius said walking in with a thermometer. "Open."

Hunter opened his mouth. Darius put the thermometer in Hunter's mouth.

The thermometer beeped.

Darius took the it out and looked at it. He 'tisk'ed at it.

"How bad is it?" Hunter asked.

"102°F." Darius said.

"Meh, not the worst thing ive worked under." Hunter said.

"Of course." Darius muttered. "What did I expect from the terrible man?"

Hunter got ready to get out of bed.

"No, Hunter, you are not going to do any work until you're better." Darius said to the blond teen.

"Why not?"

"You're not well, if you were to go back you could do more than just pass out."

"Fine. I'll stay in bed." Hunter grumbled.

"Good. Now, get some rest. You're going to be fine." Darius said, closing the door once he left.

Yeah... I hope you're right, because with my luck... things never get better.

[chloefraazer]

7, 21 & 25? also, happy tww watching!

send me choose violence asks

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

I was gonna try to pick a character we both knew but...listen. elim. fucking. garak. in canon? love him! he's great! I genuinely find his character interesting. in fandom and related to the slash ship he has I am....so fucking tired. his fans are not nice to ezri, I mean there was that fucking fanfic they got the actors to read where they'd killed off ezri, couldn't just break up with julian, nope, had to kill her off and like. I'm tumblr user ezrisdax! (okay I am and I'm not right now but still!) so basically fandom drove me up the fucking wall with the poor little meow meow behaviour topped with ezri bashing. I'm so tired. "oh but we're so much better now" no you aren't shut the fuck up.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

I get everyone loves the ember island players episode in atla but like. it's just meh for me. it was fine. I don't think it's as good as everyone else thinks it is.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

if one more person tries to tell me ashley williams is racist and a bad character in mass effect I will stab them.