#i'm sorry if the images show up wrong they're all supposed to be next to each other but it keeps glitching out on desktop lol

[townofcrosshollow]

HOW TO USE THE "MAKE ART GOOD" BUTTON TO MAKE YOUR ART GOOD

HEY, YOU! Yeah, you, amateur artist! Have you ever seen a digital artist with really good fucking colours and wondered "HOW DID THEY GET THOSE REALLY GOOD FUCKING COLOURS?!" Is it experience, talent, and an eye for colour? FUCK NO. I'm here to tell you what the pros don't want you to know, which is that right within your very art program (assuming you're using Clip Studio Paint) is a single button that will MAKE YOUR ART GOOD*

* or like, marginally better than it was before most of the time

Let me show you how I took this BORING, UNGOOD Slime Rancher painting I did as a final project for my traditional art course from BORING...

TO RAD AS FUCK

IN APPROXIMATELY FIVE MINUTES

THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE BUTTON.

You'll have to put everything on the same layer (I recommend putting it in a folder, duplicating the folder, and then collapsing all the duplicate layers together so your original work is still untouched), but after that, you can open the Gradient Map menu and go hog fucking wild.

This is what you're gonna see:

Basically, what gradient maps do is they map the darkest colour in your piece to the darkest colour in a gradient, and the lightest to the lightest, and then VOILA. All of your colours have been changed to the colours of the gradient. Neat!

You can use this to do things like automatically change skin tones or hair colours, or in our case, colour the whole painting!

You can download sets off the asset store and load them into your program by selecting the wrench icon and picking "Add gradient set."

All you need to do is load a gradient in the tool and voila...

...okay actually that looks like shit. (The gradient I'm using is #11 from the Yunywave set on the asset store! Go download it! It's a good set!)

So, our solution here is going to be different depending on the goal, the gradient, and whether it's a colour piece you're trying to zhuzh up or a B&W piece like this.

For this one, I duplicated the original layer and set the second one to Overlay at 100% opacity, then applied the gradient map to it.

INCREDIBLE! PERFECT!

Here are some other examples of how I've used gradient maps...

See, Overlay is a really good blending mode to use for this kind of thing, especially if you painted it with "normal" colours and just want to give it a little kick! But you should experiment with other modes, too. For a pastel piece, try Screen. For a subtle change, try Soft Light. For a moody or dark piece, try Multiply.

And you can also add even more details over the gradient layer to add that extra punch to it! In the example painting, I wasn't happy with the foreground tree's highlight being so dark, so I painted over it with an orange colour picked from the background, duplicated it, recoloured it to a dull yellow, and set the layer to 60% Glow Dodge.

Digital art gives us so many tools to make SICK FUCKING ART with, and gradient maps are like, the most powerful tools of all! USE THE SHIT OUT OF THEM AND GO MAKE COOL STUFF!

[digitalclaws]

WHAT'S THIS? AFTER 20 YEARS SHE GETS A MEGA?

Well, it would seem, the moment has finally come for Raptomon.

In these past few months, I made and scrapped a lot of ideas, that just weren't coming out right, that just din't "feel" right. Until one day, I'm not even sure how or why, the design finally started materializing into my head. I was afraid I'd eventually scrap it, and I was sad because I was liking it. Yeah, liking it too much to scrap it. This was starting to feel right, which is weird after more than 20 years!

Last image is a selection of all the in progress design sketches I had saved, but I made many more that are forever lost, not counting the whole entire designs I just scrapped.

Some design notes here not to make the post too long:

NOW, about the design itself. I feel like this design is an amalgamation of many "design tropes" that I adore and they just felt right to be all put onto my partner of over 20 years. The references to the Mass Production Evangelions might be pretty easy to spot, but it's not the only influence. Look closely, and you'll catch elements inspired by the designs of the Pokemon Toxicroak, Spittor from Extreme Dinosaurs, 90's Jurassic Park Chaos Effect toys (in particular, the Velocirapteryx figure), and probably something else too!

The thing that gave me most trouble with the design? The wings. I didn't want to just make a larger AeroDeinomon, but getting rid of the wings as a whole concept seemed wrong. There was also the issue of the red black plates of the pre-evolutions. I didn't want to turn her into a Stegosaurus by making her plates bigger and more imposing. So many times, I had been tempted to remove the plates altogether, but at the same time, I felt they had to stay as they were into Deinomon design since the beginning. So, I merged the two issues into one and found a solution. The back plates became shards that come out of her body and turn into wings. I think static images aren't able to do them justice, but they're supposed to be looking like floating glass shards. I imagine they could also be rearranged, shot at the enemy, take different shapes… I feel like there's a lot to explore with this design element.

By the way, I'm sorry if the "peeled" image is disturbing! It ended up coming out a bit more horror-ish than I wanted, but I wanted to play with the "exposed flesh" design trope many Digimon have, and show the body structure underneath the cream-colored parts. I promise that outside of Halloween images ( :P ) I will try not to show her looking this creepy too often, lol.

Now, I'm not sure if she "feels" like a Mega Digimon. Does she? Even with many Megas looking like overly complicated humanoids and/or robots, some of my favorite Megas aren't really distinguishable from Champions just by design alone. Look at Plesiomon or Griffomon, for example… But, I think that seeing her next to her unevolved forms, it just feels like a natural evolution and that's what counts.

Enough ramblings for today, I hope you'll like this design and if you have any questions let me know-

…and by the way, HOPEFULLY NEXT TIME I DRAW HER SHE'LL HAVE A NAME (that's the real part I struggle with… can you believe her baby forms ALSO still don't have a name?)

[seahdalune]

Seana's 2023 art highlights

(surprisingly, not a reupload this time!)

January: i drew nothing! we're off to a great start.

February: i drew something! i love Champ even if i haven't drawn anything tf2 related since April. i think it was this piece where i decided to give Champ RED coloring. [link]

also, this is the month i made my second Moldy plush.... i wasn't very happy with this one, though. [link]

March: uhhhh. more of my tf2 ocs but i think those aren't that interesting. just go to my tf2 oc blog @brokenbrainstormbulb if you wanna see them honestly, i have an image limit to keep ffs. that said, this was around the time i got into TC2, so i drew a lot of that kind of stuff... i'm never drawing stuff for it ever again, sorry. [link]

April: look at the cool thing i drew for a fellow tf2 robot fan! now, this is the point in time where i start drawing more because of a certain interest, so look forward to all the art that'll come up here.....

May: wow, this really was my first public piece of Papa Louie art, huh. i was so proud of it when i showed it off on tumblr the first time... i don't like it as much anymore. for one, the office wall color is wrong.... i still can't believe Papa Louie was what got me out of art block, but god, i'm glad it did. i don't think i've drawn this much before, and even though the community's tiny, i'm glad to give back as much as i can. anyways, i said something like "it's so funny that people think they're either super married or divorced as hell" on the same post. i still think that, and it's defos funny as hell, but i've grown a kind of appreciation towards the ship as well. like yeah, you go girls, we love that extra slow burn with so many road bumps on the way! [link]

June: how the hell did i pump this out. this was also like a few days before i had to leave for the airport too... i don't know myself sometimes. i swear i still love Boigashipping! i just... i'm just busy with other ships okkkk [link]

July: i didn't draw anything...? i was in Bali. and i was busy selling adopt designs to draw anything substantial, oopsie! actually, i DID draw the first part of WDB... it's uh, still the only part. i'm sorry!!!! i'm sorry!!!! i swear i have the whole thing outlined!!! can you just give me anons about the story instead so you won't have to wonder what comes next!! [link]

August: TOSI fixation. it had not gone past it's conceptual stage, i must note. i do wish i would do something about it though. [link]

September: the art trade i did with my friend! actually, i was a few weeks late with my part, so it was supposed to be finished by August. oops. i like the textures tbh. my Chuseok drawings.... i need to draw more characters in hanbok, hee hee. [link]

October: (breaths in) ...this is the month i finally gave into the JoGotcha wantings. LOOK. ever since someone put the idea into my brain i couldn't get enough of it, and like,, nobody draws the ship anymore so i had to take matters into my own hands. this is the first ship i'm this obsessed with. i usually leave ship stuff to other people but this time that wasn't enough and i... i had to do SOMETHING, y'know? [link]

Cringetober? who's that? haha;; i stopped feeling like doing the whole list after less than a week. impressive.

November: oh look, Plushy Power League. Quinn didn't win, but i do like the thing i drew as propaganda, so whateves. the first Papa Louie character i ever drew (minus Chuck and Taylor)... did i change how i draw her? uhh. maybe? i'm not too sure. [link]

also look! the keychain drawing... i need to talk about my Gods and Monsters au again at some point. actually, since i last uploaded the image of my keychain, i revised it tons... it's kinda different now, and i defos think it looks better. this is actually the time i finally fixed the stupid display setting thing that was really messing up my coloring! [link 1] [link 2]

December: ...oops! tablet broke. and i got my 3ds back so i just didn't draw that much even after exams were over. didn't stop me from drawing though, and in fact i think i made something pretty neat with my christmas art.... even if it did come one day late. [link]

wow. that's a whole year of stuff... and that's defos a lot! i think i'm really happy with what i drew this year.... i don't know what was in my water the last few years but my art highlights felt really.... miserable? for some reason. i mean, yeah, i didn't do a lot of what i had planned (GOE ANIMATIC IM SORRY) but i can see that i've done just as much with my hands anyways, so like, who cares? plus, i always have next year... that's coming in 3 hours, oh god- so, maybe i won't be too hard on myself for not fulfilling my goals... like, i kinda glossed over it, but i did sell my designs for money, and that's like, really impressive! so many people around me buy and sell their art stuff already, so i guess i didn't really register it as something to be proud of... but doing that shit (making, and marketing) is hard!! so like, it's a wow moment for me!

anyways, i'm tired, i only came back home a few hours ago, and i need to get up again for church in a few hours.... mrphgdjd. lets stop being sentimental, and i'll see you people next year. that's a long way off! hope you don't miss me.

[natsuiryusei]

【A3! Translation】 Masumi Usui SSR — A Listener's True Identity (1/3)

i had fun with this one lol i think

Citron: …

There's seriously low column!

Tsuzuru: You mean 'no problem'

Chikage: Suddenly you're worried about columns.

Itaru: LOL

Izumi: Uhm….

(Looks like they're currently in a serious meeting?)

Is there something wrong?

Sakuya: Ah, director. We're previously talking about making an appearance in one of Veludo Way's Radio Station shows.

Izumi: Ooh, Veludo Radio's ACTOR'S☆STATION!!! right?

Tasuku: Right, Banri and Taichi also went there, we're also talking about who's going to appear when their turn ends but…

Masumi: We need to decide who's going soon.

Citron: I did say I'm going right!!

Sakuya: Citron-san is a fan of the Theatrical-tarou[2] and I myself do want him to go…but…

Citron: See! I said I just want to go…Everyone is terrible~

Tsuzuru: That's…not it…we're just worried if there might be an accident during the broadcast…

Chikage: If Citron goes, everyone would follow him, and then it'd fill up too much.

Citron: I bought too much! [3]

Tsuzuru: That, that's exactly why…

Izumi: (Citron-kun I sincerely apologize…but I suppose I understand why everyone said so…)

Citron: I want my letters to be read by Theatrical-tarou that's why I sent letters every night!

You fruitless human beings are ignoring my warm feelings!

Itaru: You mean ruthless human beings. I don't really get your feelings though.

Chikage: Well, if they already knew the sender of the postcard they might not read it next time.

Itaru: Hmm I guess that's right. They'll only read the ones from general listeners.

Citron: Hmmm... There's also a treason.

Itaru: A secretion?

Chikage: A reason.

Masumi: Then, who's going.

Tsuzuru: Right, is there anyone who'll offer themselves…

Izumi: Everyone shouldn't worry about that, I'll be accompanying anyone who's going since I'm supposed to go.

Masumi: Then I'll go, I won't let you go alone.

Itaru: As expected.

Chikage: He doesn't falter.

Choice A: Thank you, let's do our best!

Izumi: Thank you Masumi-kun, let's do our best!

Tsuzuru: Is it going to be okay? Free-talk doesn't really fit Masumi's image…

Masumi: I'll talk about the director all I want.

Izumi: Please keep it to yourself! [4]

Chikage: That's right. There might be others who'll be curious about the director, right?

Masumi: …Then I'll connect it to another topic somehow.

Izumi: Y-yeah! I guess that works.

Choice B: The program talks about lots of things, will it be okay?

Izumi: It's a program, so there'll be a lot of things to talk about. Will it be okay…?

Masumi: I'll overcome any hardships for you.

Itaru: How magnificent.

Chikage: Even if you say that, Masumi isn't the type to talk about lots of topics, wouldn't it be better if one more person goes?

Masumi: Just me alone is fine. It'll be a nuisance to me and the director's date.

Tsuzuru: You're going to talk with a radio personality too, it's not a date…

Izumi: One more person, does anyone want to give it a go?

Tsuzuru: Not me, thanks…I'm a little nervous…

Sakuya: I'm sorry…I'm not really confident…

Citron: I did say I'll go! I'll talk a lot!

Itaru: An accident will def happen.

Izumi: Then, what about Itaru-san or Chikage-san?

Chikage: Well, I listen to the news occasionally.

Itaru: I listened to Friday Night in Japan.

Listening to it while event grinding is fun.

It's surprisingly interesting, idols and entertainers join in too sometimes, but they reply to messages rather sharply.

Chikage: Ooh right, it's a radio program that has its own trending hashtag on SNS.

Tsuzuru: Then wouldn't Itaru-san who's familiar be better?

Itaru: Seriously. Well, I guess it'll be easy since I've done streaming with Masumi.

Masumi: Not for me.

Sakuya: Well well…

Citron: Uuu….I wanted to meet Theatrical-tarou…You two, please talk to him in my place!

Itaru: Got it~

Masumi: I said you don't have to come.

Izumi: (I hope these two will be able to do something about it somehow…)

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

[1] reference to banri's ssr from the gacha i think i don't have the card #lol

[2] 演劇太郎/engeki-tarou: it basically means someone who's good at theatre or as one would call theatre nerd. I can't think of a term that does not stray away from its og meaning

[3] I can't tell what he's trying to say help. <3

[4] had to use some liberties i think it sounds funnier. original text means "I want you to keep it inside your heart!"

[fangirl-everythang]

Happy Father's Day Part 3

Summary: 3/3 Well, its the last part.

Warning: Sad, Mentions Death.

Word Count: 2269

"Harry? " I answer the phone.

"It's not Harry but glad you know your numbers." that high pitch annoying ass voice squeals. Rubbing my stomach, the baby's in go position and any day now my oven will be done baking. And of course, this bitch is answering his phone.

"Well bye-bye just thought you should know where he was at. " In the background, I hear Harry's voice going on about something so it must be true. Hanging up I sigh letting the hot tears roll down my cheeks. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I blame myself really, I let him back into my life and this doesn't surprise me. I gotta pee.

Waddling over to the bathroom door a gasp leaves my mouth feeling the surge of liquids fall between my legs. Holy shit. My water broke! Fuck gotta go. Thankful my bag was already in the car. Harry had insisted once I hit the 36-week mark claiming Styles's are either early or fashionably late.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. My knuckles turning white as I grasp the wheel. Nope, I'm not pushing anything out of my vagina. Can't do it. I refuse.

The contraction going away after a few brief moments of completely unreasonable pain. Dialing the numbers, I know by second nature, thankfully she picks up on the fourth ring.

"I don't think you should drive y/n"

" Just call 911. I'm almost there! " Gemma ecstatically shouts. She's just like her brother, "Where's Harrold? "

I put the seatbelt on and wince. It's just 28 minutes I can do this. "He's with his whore."

I can hear an audible gasp, "he wouldn't he's so excited for Athena"

"Well I just called him and she answered. " I grunt keeping my eyes on the two lanes ahead of me. Fuck I hate merging lanes people don't know how to drive.

"I'll be at the hospital as soon as possible but my phones gonna-" the line went dead. She did say she was on like 10% oh well.

I can do this just focus y/n. "Hear that baby girl we're almost there, hang on okay Hunny. " I say as a reminder to myself that soon I'll be leaving with another human with me.

6 miles to go that's what I'm talking about, another sharp pain spreads throughout my abdomen while waiting for the light to turn green. "OH COME ON. FOR FUCKS SAKE!" they're getting closer by the minute. Shit. Arriving at a four-way intersection. I'm relieved to be at a red light, the contractions are longer and much more frequent. "Almost there Athena, this is the last light and a straight shot from there."

Abruptly my car is jerked forward with a sharp impact pushing to the oncoming lights. All I see are lights from both directions colliding with my 3,000-pound piece of metal. Sounds of shattering glass and sirens are the last thing I hear before it all fades to black.

||||||||||||||||

Harry's POV

"Has anyone seen Mr. Style's phone?" The helpful aid asked around the dressing room. I could've sworn I put it down for a moment. Y/n could go into labor any minute now and how I am supposed to know. Fuck. I'm stupid.

I was supposed to be here to perform and list nominees and then go back home to y/n. I can't wait to propose to her, she's all I could ever want and she's giving me the most wonderful gift I could ever ask for. Running a hand through my damp hair, the lights really build a sweat, I hear a familiar voice. "Looking for this lover? " she asks slipping my phone into my pocket.

"Good luck at home. " she smiles and winks. Before I could question it she walks away.

Looking down at the device my heart skips a beat, I have 146 missed calls. And I've been gone for 5 hours. Seeing Gemma's name on the screen again I swipe to answer.

"Hell-"

"Harry," she says sniffling.

"Gemma what's wrong? did I miss it? Oh my god I hope not"

"I think it would be best if you came now Harry." she breaks her voice cracking.

"Gem what?"

"Listen Harry, she needs you right now so please." she cries. Not needing another word, I tell Jackson the address and that I need to be there as fast as possible, 45 minutes later we're pulling into the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital.

"Congrats Harry!" Jackson says letting me out at the door. "Thank you!" I beam back at him.

Seeing Gemma, her eyes are puffy with tears still flowing. "Gem what's wro-," a sharp pain to my right cheek stings. Never has Gemma hit me like that, well not since I cut her prom dress. "How could you Harry? Cheat on her again WITH TAYLOR for Christ sakes!" She yells.

"I didn't cheat," I explain to my sister as calm as I can.

She looks at me with wild eyes pulling me into a hallway with fewer people, "Then what happened Harrold?" I clench my jaw instead of speaking, how dare she accuse me of cheating on my pregnant soon-to-be fiancé. Y/n Styles has a great catch don't you think?

"Is she here yet? Gem where are they?" I ask ready to see my new family.

She begins crying again "Harry there was an accident." Those five words make my breathing come to a halt. My heart shatters in a million pieces "Is Y/n okay? What happened?" She begins walking me to a door. "This one," she points. Looking through the glass I see y/n with bruises and cuts to her beautiful face, her stomach nearly deflated from when I last saw her this morning, a cast on a swollen leg of hers, and a sling holding a very damaged arm. Tears brim at my eyes looking at my love on that hospital bed. "She's awake." Gemma walks past me running to the outside.

I gently knock on the door, waiting for a response which I don't get. "Y/n?" I approach her almost as If I were going to help an injured puppy. "Hey love" I smile at her which she glares at me and then turns wincing in pain. "You wanted this didn't you Harry?" I look at her confused. "This is probably great for you, a way out. Well leave." She states using whatever energy she can find.

"Baby I didn't want- I want you and Athena" She breaks down in uncontrollable tears.

"You were with that her and couldn't even bother to pick up your phone!" she screams. "Y/n I wasn-" a knock at the door interrupts my sentence, "Come in" She says glaring at me as a nurse opens the door.

"Hey there Mama, we have a visitor." the nurse wheel in a tiny cart that has a bunch of equipment coming from it. She looks at me and asks Y/n, "Is this dad?" she nods and rolls her eyes. "About time you made it!" She smiles my way. Placing the beautiful baby in front of us. She's so small and fragile. "The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you." She states picking up the tiny child and putting her in Y/n's arm.

"Hi pumpkin," Y/n coos into her ear. "Guess who decided to show?" She smiles, a tear falling from the corner of her eye. She nods her head towards me as I go to hold her. She's so soft and precious. Her small eyes have a gorgeous mix of both mine and Y/n's. She has such a cute round face, I couldn't imagine her looking any different.

"Hi there angel, I'm so sorry I was late." I see a spot dampen on her blanket that surrounds her, knowing that I'm crying. Her small eyes shining like twinkling stars. So small I can feel her fragile body between my large hands.

Another knock before the door opens when several doctors walk in. "Mrs. Y/ln, unfortunately, we have some bad news,"

"Oh, hello there Mr. Styles." They state acknowledging my existence. One of the female doctors places a black and white image on the lighted board illuminating the small figure.

"Unfortunately, due to the accident, Athena has suffered from what we call a fetomaternal hemorrhage."

"What exactly are you saying?" Y/n ask looking at the child still in my arms.

The slightly shorter male doctor points to the image. "This is an abscess of blood in the brain. Unfortunately, the risk is too large to operate. I'd give her another day at most."

"You m-mean," Tears start pouring down her face" I was so scared she was hurt. I-I promise I saw the light it was red, and I-I stopped but," She began heaving losing more air with each word. I gently rub her back as I cradle Athena with one arm.

"She's still being monitored but I'm afraid she won't have much longer." The first doctor breaks the silence. "According to the police report the car that struck you from behind happened to be a drunk driver, Gage Joyce." I can feel the anger surging through me. "I remember the clashing of metal, glass breaking, the sirens but it all went b-black." She mumbles, seemingly remembering the awful experience. I grab her hand in hopes of comforting her but it doesn't seem to work.

"After striking your car at 72 mph it had ample force to push your vehicle into the opposite traffic. Your vehicle took the most impact and was hit by four other cars. On scene, EMT's said you were in and out of consciousness mumbling about a baby. Taken and brought to the L&D." he finishes.

"Fetomaternal hemorrhages are often caused by trauma and sometimes can be revered but in this case, we've done all we can do." They all frown looking at the small girl still in my arms.

"No, there's got to be more you can bloody do! We're in a hospital for Christ sakes!" I exclaim, passing my daughter to the love of my life. She gently caresses her soft skin. She's literally a perfect combination of us. I cannot lose my family.

"You can leave, thank you all for your help." y/n says quietly, they oblige by her wishes and leave us with our daughter.

"Harry," she wipes a tear from her face cautious of the IV placed on her hand, "If what they say is true, I just want to spend time with her." She sniffles. I nod understanding. She looks back at the small being in her arms, "Hi pretty girl, Mommy's so happy to meet you," she unfolds the blanket from her. I sit next to her on the small bed in the room that smells of sterilization. Placing my finger near hers' she wraps her small hand around my thumb, her grip so tight for someone so small. Y/n kisses her forehead, "Harry," she runs her finger along her small legs.

"Can you sing the song?" nodding and softly singing Isn't she Lovely by Stevie Wonder, in the small hospital bed as our new life falls asleep. All night I watch her little chest rise and fall allowing y/n to get some rest soon following my two loves.

By the early morning, nurses are rushing in because of the loud beeping from the monitor, waking y/n and I. It feels like everything is happening so fast but in slow motion right in front of me. Those three words are the ones I didn't want to hear. "No! no. I have to take her home. She's gotta go home..." Y/n screams, not being able to see her face due to the tears in my eyes falling and rebuilding themselves faster than the speed of light. "Call it." One of the nurses shouts.

"Time of Death 6:18 am March 7th, 2019"

As they cleared out the room, I see her small lifeless body curled into a blanket, almost as if she were sleeping, but no longer do breaths fall from her small heart-shaped lips.

//////////////////////////

Y/n hasn't said a word since we got in the car. It's been four days since we lost Athena. She slowly climbs into the car, still sore from the accident and birth. I go to the backseat holding back my emotions and putting the empty car-seat in the trunk of the car that should have been holding three of us.

Starting the silent journey back home she continues to look out of the window, a frown etched on her mouth, tears rolling down her cheeks as she instinctively touches her somewhat deflated stomach. What kind of sick joke is this?

"Harry why were you with her?" she asks me looking down at what used to be her baby bump.

"I wasn't love, she took my phone while I was on stage." She just nods and remains silent until we pull up to the flat. She begins walking up the stairs as best she can. "Y/n wait, let me help."

"No Harry!" She yells. Pain evident in her voice, ignoring her I open the door and help her inside. "Harry I can't do this." I stare at her confused, "What can't you do y/n?"

"Us Harry. I can't look at you and not think of her." She sobs.

"Y/n we can-" I try to reason with her.

"No Harry, please just go." She whispers.

"I'm not losing both of you," I state holding back my own sobs. I feel like everything feels like it's getting smaller around me, suffocating in grief.

"You already have."

A/N: What can I say I have a thing for dark endings. Anyways I really appreciate the support loves. I hope you enjoy these! Right now I've been working on a Loki piece, I'm so excited for it. I changed the writing style tho, so it's not 1st person per usual. I think it's going pretty well so far.

xoxo Janelle

[wonder-kid-pugh]

The Bet (Kelley O'Hara x reader) part 1

Okay I wrote this ages ago but when I tried to post it, it was too long for a single post and then forgot about it. So I'm going to break it up into 2 parts. Hope you enjoy!!!

Kelley's Pov

"Cmon O'Hara! Your late!" Coach Ellis shouts as I jog onto the field for morning practice. I caught up to the rest of the team and started doing the warm up with them, "Sorry Coach!" "Pipe down and run your lap" she shouts back before going back to her notebook.

I run alongside Alex and Allie which the later of which sniggers at me, "Too busy shagging to make it to practice on time?" I just shrug with a smug grin and keep jogging. "Do you even know her name?" Alex asks raising an eyebrow at me. I open my mouth before closing it again and try to think, "R...Riley? Rosa? Rachel! It was Rachel!"

Alex rolls her eyes, "You stop shoving your tongue down her mouth long enough to ask her?" "Don't get snippy with me just cause Serv can't put out to satisfy your needs" I tease and step out of her reach as she goes to smack me. "Are you ever going to stop sleeping around?" Christen asks from in front of us. I snort, "Why would I want too?"

We finish out the lap and start to stretch, "Beside I can't help it it they throw themselves at me". Christen scrunches her face at me, "Your disgusting". But I just shrug while Mal turns to us, "Did you hear about the new girl?" The some of the others nod while they tilt their heads at the young forward. "What new girl?" Alex asks as she stretches her quad.

Mal just shrugs, "I don't know just hear there was a new girl joining today". Christen hums, "Yeah I'm supposed to show her around after practice".  I smirk, "Is she hot?" Christen scoffs, "I haven't met her yet". I give her a cheeky grin, "Well if she's hot can you send her my way". She glares at me, "I'm not helping you add another girl to your list of conquests". I just smirk at the forward, "Fine either it's going to end up with me and her in between the sheets".

"Her and I" Becky corrects as she walks past. Christen looks shocked at our captain, "Don't encourage her!" But the captain shrugs, "I've learned a long time ago to not get involved in Kelley's sex life". I stick out my tongue at Christen who narrows her eyes at me. But Becky crosses her arms giving me a look, "But it doesn't mean I approve of your lifestyle choices".

I stop teasing Christen and look at Becky who gives me a stern look, "I don't like it but I'm not going to tell you what to do. All I'm saying is one day it's going to come back and bite you in the ass and you'll have to accept that".

I watch as Becky walks off to the drill coach has set up as I can't help but think of what she said.

"One day it's going to come back and bite you in the ass and you'll have to accept that"

But I shake my head forgetting it as I follow them to the drill. I respect Becky a lot. She's a great captain and an even better person. But there's no way she knows that for certain.

Right?

...............

I sigh as the bell rings signalling the end of history as I walk out of the class with Tobin, Allie, Alex and Ash, "God I thought he was never going to shut up". Ash nods stretching her arms up over her head, "Yeah. Collins never learns how to shut up. Should we be concerned with how excited he gets talking about the Holocaust?"

But I don't answer instead my attention turns to a girl walking down the hall. She was looking down at what I presume is her timetable as she looks at the numbers on the doors no doubt trying to find her class. She was drop dead gorgeous but as she bit the corner of her lip trying to figure out where she is- holy fuck did that do things to me.

But before I could make a move one of the football players saddle up to her with a sultry smile, "Hey your new. Need help?" She looks him up and down raising an eyebrow at him but before she can reject him I slide up beside her throwing my arm around her shoulders, "Sorry Jacobs she's with me". All I can see is him glaring at me before I wheel her away from him down the hall a bit.

"Thanks" she breathes out, "I was just trying to find my class I didn't exactly want him to get the wrong idea. I owe you one". I wiggle my eyebrows at her, "Well we can call it even if you give me your number". But my smile drops as I see her scoff and mumble something under her breath, "What?" But she just shakes her head, "Look thanks for the save but I didn't escape one flirtatious jackass only to end up with another one".

My eyes widen slightly at her bluntness before trying to recompose myself, "Now why do you think that?" "Because I know what your like. Your all the same. There's always one". "One what?" I ask again trying to understand where she's going. She waves her hand up and down motioning to me, "A player. Has a different girl every few days. Thinks they're god's gift to the world and have have any girl at their beck and call".

I try and keep the smirk off my face as I tilt my head at her, "Why do you think that's me?" She raises an eyebrow at me while she deadpans, "Cause you didn't even asking for my name before you started trying to get into my pants. Besides there's always one like you at every school".

I take a step closer to her with a grin, "Oh honey I promise, you haven't met anyone like me before". To my surprise she puts her finger on my nose and pushes my face away from hers, "Hmm I'm sure. Now excuse but I have to go to class. I'm sure you can find another girl to bang".

And with that she walks down the hallway without even looking back at me. "Don't you need help finding your class?" I shout after her but she waves her hand not sparing me a glance, "I'll find it".

I let out a puff of air as I watch her walk away from me slightly stunned. Even when I hear Allie's cackle I can't seem to pull my eyes away from her retreating figure, "Hahaha Wormie got rejected bad". Ash wraps her arm around me, "So how does it feel to know that not every available girl wants you?" But I ignore them, "Don't worry she'll come around soon". Alex shakes her head, "I don't think so Wormie. I think you've met your match here". But I shake my head, "She will fall for me". Ash smirks, "Wanna bet?"

I finally look at her with a glint in my eye, "What do you have it mind?" "There's no way you can get her before the end of championship" Ash challenges. I smirk at her, "Your on". I look down the hallway where she disappeared,

"She's mine".

.............

I lean up again the lockers with a charming smile plastered on my face, "Hello again". She rolls her eyes as she takes books out of her locker, "Hello O'Hara". I grin, "I don't remember telling you my name". She slams her locker door shut, "Your reputation proceeds you obviously". I lick my lips at that.

That's going to make my job slightly harder

I wiggle my eyebrows at her, "All good things I hope". She raises an eyebrow at me, "Depends on who you ask?" I look at her, "Who did you ask?" But she can't answer as someone calls behind her, "Hey Belle!" She looks behind her and smiles at the forward, "Hey Chris!" She returns the smile before her eyes land on me, "What are you up too Kels?" I shrug, "Just trying to welcome the new student to our wonderful school".

Christen hums obviously not impressed before turning back to the new girl, "What's your next class?" She takes out her phone and checks it quickly before answering, "Uh Calc with Mr James?" I immediately grin, "So do I. I can take you". She once again rolls her eyes while christen gives her what I could only say was a sympathy look, "Sure I'll meet you after for lunch". She sighs but nods before Christen walks away to her next class.

"Ready to go?" I ask but she just sighs and nods, "Let's go O'Hara". I start walking towards our class her barely looking at me, "Why do you hate me so much?" She shrugs, "I don't hate you, I just don't like people like you. I've barely been here a week and I've already heard all about you". "Okay that's fair. But you've only heard about me from other people. You haven't actually given me the chance to really get to know me. How you do know it's true?"

She stops right as we reach the class and turns to me, "That's true. Another thing that's true is your literally saying this to me wearing a leather jacket. What is your motorcycle in the shop?" She runs her hand through her hair before looking me straight in the eye, "It isn't just the fact that you are the perfect image of your stereotypical player. It's also the fact you wear it like a badge of honour. You love the fact that people see you as that and that girls stumble over themselves to get your attention. I'm sorry but I'm not interested in being another name to your already long list of girls you've bedded. I will say that whatever girl that finally gets you to settle down will deserve an award and I hope you find her in the future".

With that she leaves me there standing in the doorway as she turns on her heel and walks into class and introduces herself to the teacher. And as much as I would like to say her words affected me.

I was too focused on how blue her eyes were

.............

"Ladies I would like to introduce you to our new midfielder, Belle Rose" Coach Ellis says as Belle smiles at us but it soon falters when she sees me. "Get a quick stretch going because after we're going into th beep test!" Ellis shouts only for us to groan but start stretching knowing it's only going to be worst if we keep moaning.

"Funny how we keep running into each other" I joke as I walk over to her as she stretches out. She gives me her signature eye roll, "Or maybe I have a stalker?" I grin as I swing my leg, "You wish Princess". She scoffs, "Oh wow that's so original. I've never heard that one before". "I mean you kinda teed it up with your name" I laugh. She snorts, "Yeah my parents had a funny sense of humour". "Well if your beauty where's your beast?" I ask wiggling my eyebrows at her. "Anyone but you" she answers simply before walking away but I'm quick to follow.

"You really not going to give me a chance?" I sigh. "Nope" she says popping the p. "How about a little wager then?" I try again. Thankfully this gets her attention as she turns and quirks an eyebrow at me, "What are you up too O'Hara?" I smirk, "If I can outlast you in the beep test, you have to go on a date with me?" I see most of the team turns and watches us as she thinks drumming her fingers against her bicep, "Wow you really that desperate that you have to challenge me to a race?" The team laugh while I just focus on her as she tilts her head at me, "What's in it for me?" I shrug, "What do you want?" She licks her lips before smirking, "If I win, you have to go a month without sleeping with someone".

All the youngin's ohhhhh but I ignore them and hold out my hand, "Your on". She shakes my hand, "Let's see what you've got O'Hara". "You got it Princess" I wink but she scoffs and walks over to Christen calling over her shoulder, "Good luck beast".

Belle's Pov

"Are you sure about this Belle? I know you have never seen Kelley play before but she's the fastest on the team and always lasts the longest on the beep test" Christen frowns as I shake out my arms and legs. I grin, "Don't worry Pressy. Your forgetting you haven't seen me either. I got this". She sighs, "I hope your right. Kelley is my friend but she leaves a trail of heartbreak in her wake and I don't want to you be another victim of her ways".

I smile, "I appreciate that Chris. I'm glad I have a friend like you looking out for me". She smiles and gives me a side hug, "Anytime". We all line up for the beep test and Kelley makes sure that she's on the other side of me with Mal on the other. We start off with the easy levels. Obviously the goalkeepers were the first to go followed then by the defenders, Kelley being the only one left. The higher up we go the more people drop until it's just Kelley, Christen, Alex, Mal and I left.

Kelley makes it her mission to keep making comments in my ear. Teasing and trying to psyche me out. But I just shrug her off and focus on the running. Soon the other 3 drop leaving only Kelley and I. "I'll give you this. Not many people can keep pace with me" Kelley breathes out. I shrug and wink at her, "You should be worried about keeping up with me". She huffs out a laugh before another beep sounds and we're off running again. We go another few rounds and we're both breathing heavy now. "Just drop so we can both be done with this" Kelley huffs out with a cough but I shake my head with a similar huff, "No way. There's no way I'm stopping until I win".

Again the all too familiar beep comes too soon as we're forced to run again. We both make the line with barely a second but this time you could see that Kelley was struggling as she goes into a coughing fit. I frown as the defender hunches over in a coughing fit and doesn't stop. It gets so intense that she drops to her knees still hacking. I kneel beside her the beep test is completely forgotten as I take her wrists in my hands. She lifts her head as I raise her hands above her head looking into her eyes. "Just take some deep breathes. In the nose out the mouth". She nods slightly as she follows me instructions.

It was only then did I realise how close we really were. My faces scan over her face as her eyes close. Although I would never admit it out loud to her. She was beautiful. She had the looks. Her defined features paired with her sharp jawline would have anyone in awe. Then the millions of freckles scattered across her face only made her more adorable.

But Christ her eyes

When her hazel eyes opened and peered back at me. My breathing almost hitched. The way her eyes just pulled everything together was incredible.

Who knew hazel could be so pretty?

No words were spoken as we both tried to gain our breath back. But our little bubble was interrupted by the rest of the team. "You okay Kels?" Alex ask standing over her friend who nods giving her a thumbs up. It's only then I realise I'm still holding her hands in mine as I quickly drop them and stand up beside Christen who hands me a water bottle, "You good?" I nod before taking a drink.

"Okay while Kelley and Belle catch their breath the rest of you will move onto the next drill" Ellis explains as the rest of the team nod and head over to the drill. Coach turns to us, "You good O'Hara?" She just nods slightly but coach doesn't look convinced, "Sit out for a bit and if your feelings better you can join in. Don't push yourself. Same with you Rose". We both nod before coach walks over to the team and start the drill.

We both just sit in the bench for a little while just taking a breather as we watch the girls before Kelley speaks up, "You could have won". I just turn and look at her as she continues, "You could have kept going and won the bet". I just shrug, "Winning a bet shouldn't come at the expense of someone else". I furrow my eyebrows as I swear I see her flinch slightly before looking down but I ignore it. But it's quickly forgotten about as she gives me a teasing smile, "If I was there any longer I might have needed mouth to mouth".

I groan loudly, "Do you ever stop?" She shrugs with a small smile, "Sorry". I shake my head as I look at the team and see it's a defenders Vs attackers drill and nudge her foot with mine and nod my head towards them, "Cmon O'Hara time for me to show you up in the drill". I start walking over but I heard her scoff behind me before following.

"Not likely Princess"

..............

"Cmon baby you we can have some more fun this weekend. I've got the house all to myself" some girl smirks as she places her hand on Kelley's arm. I roll my eyes but I tilt my head as I see she shrug her off, "Sorry can't". It's obvious that I'm not the only one that's surprised as the girl looks taken back, "Why?" But she just shrugs, "Just can't".

But this doesn't detour her as she once again goes in close to Kelley gliding her hand down her chest to her torso, "Cmon you've never turned down an offer before. Besides we both had fun the last time". I slam my locker shut and houst my bag over my shoulder as I walk over to them, "Kels cmon we have to get to class". She nods before detaching herself from the girl who just narrows her eyes at me, "We were talking". I shrug giving her a bored look, "Not anymore". She scoffs but looks at Kelley, "So this weekend?"

Kelley genuinely looks annoyed for second so I decide to step in, "She can't". Both of them look at me, one in anger the other in confusion. "And why not?" The girl challenges crossing her arms. I lean into Kelley and nudge her side, "We have plans right?" I hold Kelley's stare as she catches on and wraps an arm around my shoulders, "Yup we have plans. Sorry Rachel". "It's Reagan" she glares at us while I try to hold back a snort. "Sorry" Kelley says as she wheels us away and towards our next class.

"Thanks" she breathes out as we make our way through the sea of people. "As much as your a pain in my ass. Your still my teammate and it looked like you needed some help" I say. She smiles, "I appreciate it". "Can I ask you a question?" I ask. "Shoot" she nods. I look at her out of the corner of my eye as we keep walking, "Why did you say no?" She looks at me as I continue, "I mean from my knowledge you never turn down something like that".

She licks her lips before she shrugs, "It was apart of the deal". I furrow my eyebrows at her, "What deal?" She grins, "The deal we made at training. About the beep test". "But I didn't win" I say. She shrugs, "Neither did I. That's why I'm also taking you out on a date this weekend". I give her a blank face, "Seriously?" She smirks, "Deadly. Neither of us won but both of us lost so we both do the forfeit".

I sigh, "I suppose that makes sense. And I'm guessing your not going to let me out of it either". She shake her head, "Nope!" I toss my head back and groan, "Fine. One date and then you leave me alone". She pumps her fist while I can't help but giggle at her child like behaviour as we continue on the way to class.

All the way I didn't realise her arm was still wrapped around me.

[oookaline]

Miss You - Lyric Analysis

by me because im bored.

yet again because whats more fun than going over lyrics for the 2736843th time? Absolutely nothing! and if you thought of something, you're lying to youself

So, miss you was a song released in the 8th of December 2017.

Some backstory before.

ObViOusLy, the whole babygate thing, add a lil cherry on top with the Elk split up (23rd march 2015 - 2 weeks prior) and them getting back toguether in 2017 (17 Feb). All of this aswell as Danielle and Brenda in the middle of it.

K with all the smol context under us we can already look around and see that just by the title 'Miss You' people had speculated it was for Eleanor, and since Louis said :

I wrote this song about a time in my life when I was going out partying every night. In hindsight throughout that time I was pretty numb and just going through the motions. Deep down it was always in the back of my mind that what I really missed was the girl that I loved

which obviously links the song to two occurences:

Babygate: 'was going out partying every night' (since we know for a fact he literally went partying every week)

The split up from Elk

but the thing is right- lmao Danielle just danielled away. No mention whatsoever.

This, all of this, and JUsT that quote that Louis gave us already destroyed like- half the narrative of 'Really good friends w an oops baby' and (obviously) just tarnishes yet again the 'engagement' route they were going to take. BUT IT ALSO leaves Danielle behind as if she didn't even exist!!

Which by the way things look, she might not've anygays.

The music video was made in LA

which again (If I could I would literally kiss louis brain) links it to Babygate.

Now the lyrics

verse 1:

"Is it my imagination?

Is it something that I’m taking?

All the smiles that I’m faking

“Everything is great

Everything is fucking great”"

Obviously we can literally hear the sarcasm on the last two lines. 'All the fake smiles' reffering to all the pap pics he did while the lead up to the Holy Conception. Aswell that him reffering to the scene as 'imagination' or 'something that he's taking' could emphasize that its so bad, so unreal that he thinks its a joke and that he's either too drunk or thinking it.

Going out every weekend

Staring at the stars on the ceiling

Hollywood friends, gotta see them

Such a good time

I believe it this time

Again, him reffering to him being papped every week on a club with the first line, the 'stars on the' ceiling reffering to the lights in night clubs, 'Holywood Friends' reffering to Annas, and specially reffering to Snoop Dog and his launch party, which was when this picture happened:

pre chorus:

Tuesday night

Glazed over eyes

Just one more pint or five

Does it even matter anyway?

One of the fucking smartest lines in my opinion, him reffering to tuesday. Which is him reffering to the day the first article of him being out partying came out:

The next are him reffering to what always happened; drinking and feeling shit. 'does it even matter anyways' is his subcontious trying to tell him to give in and just do what they wanted him to do, saying that it doesn't even matter because either way the end will be shit (and bla bla bla, but again, its his subcontious. not him.)

chorus:

We’re dancing on tables

And I’m off my face

With all of my people

And it couldn’t get better they say

the first two lines are ofc reffering to the feeling of being drunk, 'dancing on tables' and 'of your face' are ohrases people use to refer to drunken states. The 'people' Louis is reffering to is his escorts; people paayed to carry out what is supposed to happen that night (bodyguards, pr managers, paps, in cases the girls aswell he appears papped with), and the line 'couldn't get better they say' has both the connotation of this being the LA dream, of always partying, knocking chicks up, drinking to your hearts desire- aswell as having the connotation of 'his people' telling him it will not get better, so don't try to oppose it. (which links back to the previous verse 'does it even matter anyway')

We’re singing 'til last call

And it’s all out of tune

Should be laughing, but there’s something wrong

And it hits me when the lights go on

Shit, maybe I miss you

'singing til last call' refers to how late he spent in the clubs and 'out of tune' suggest again the drunk state. 'Should be laughing but there's something wrong' is again, elluding to that LA dream partying state that should've been what he was feeling, since that's what the media said. The 'lights go on' is reffering to the paps, when they take pictures (and obviously the miss you is talking about eleanor because he'd much rather stunt with her than be here lmao ) And yes, the miss you is reffering to Harry.

There doesn't have to be a reason and obviously it could also be a stunt line in the song- but let me explain what I think: We can see Louis' state by the end of the paps shoots, how he slowly just becomes VERY tired towards the last few ones. And keep in mind he was also touring with 1D WHILE HE PARTIED. Which meant it was Show-Party-Show-Party with things thrown between it aswell. Giving close to little time to spend w Harry.

(Pretty sure that's not at all what happened, its just what I think- it was such a fucking busy thing, I'd not be surprised if they both were stressed and not having enough 1-1 time)

Verse 2:

Just like that and I’m sober

I’m asking myself, “Is it over?”

Maybe I was lying when I told you

“Everything is great

Everything is fucking great”

First line reffering to how in the morning, next day of partying, he was again sober- for the shows- and him asking 'is it over' refers to how he just wanted it to be over with, all the patying and paps.

The two last lines could signify him talking to someone about his life- I'd say that the 'you' here does not mean Harry- but someone else- them asking "How's your life going" and then him going "Great Great, yeah- fookin great ykwim"

something along the lines of that you get me.

And all of these thoughts and the feelings

Chase you down if you don’t need them

I’ve been checking my phone all evening

Such a good time

I believe it this time

the first and second lines here are again, Louis talking about his subcontious; that 'this will turn on us' reffering to him and Harry. About a (probable) fear that this will make a strain in their relationship and stuff.

(a/n: kind of like how a lot of shippers unlarried while babygate was happening because 'louis couldn't cheat' or how a lot of shippers say they broke up during that time because 'Harry couldn't take the stress' and stuff)

Im not saying they broke up not that he cheated. What I'm saying is that there was a fear that this would make them break up- he says 'chase you down' which has the animalification of the wolves chasing down the pray to kill them etc.

Bridge:

Now I’m asking my friends how to say “I’m sorry”

They say “Lad, give it time, there’s no need to worry”

And we can’t even be on the phone now

And I can’t even be with you alone now

the first line links to what I said about Louis' subconcious; this would be that constant need to say 'I am sorry' for something that isn't his fault or something that he can't control, and then the second line goes on to say that he doesn't have to worry because, again, its not his fault and Harry undertands that.

Now the 'We can't even be on the phone now, I can't even be with you alone now' refers to their public appearance, on how other than that Paris interview there are no other interviews with just them two, on how we didn't get a Larry hour on 1Dday... It refers to them literally being unable to say anything to each other because of management.

Oh, how shit changes

We were in love, now we’re strangers

I WANT TO ALIENATE THESE TWO LINES BECAUSE OF HOW FUCKING LOUT IT IS.

this one links ti the last two of the previous, again on their public image (His and Harry's) about how they were once in love (fetus) but now they're strangers (the mortal enemies narrative)

When I feel it coming up, I just throw it all away

Get another two shots 'cause it doesn’t matter anyway

And to top off these last two lines of the bridge is him linking all of this back to the start of the song: 'is it my imagination, is it something that I'm taking' with 'when I feel it coming up, I just throw it all away'; when the thoughts that this is all fake and once he wakes up or stop imagining its all going to be better (aswell as with the connotation of over partying and vomiting) but at the same time him making himself stop those thoughts because he knows this is reality. And then round back again with the repetition of 'doesn't matter anyways' with it feeling like a dead end to him.

[rocksandrobots]

Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 20 - Therapy

Varian sat on the leather couch inside the doctor’s office nervously bouncing his knee up and down. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to run, but he knew that would upset Aunt Cass who was seated on the chair next to the door.

This was meant to be his first therapy session and he didn’t know what to expect, or to say, or what to do. Both Hiro and Wasabi had told him that all he had to do was talk to the doctor about his problems, but Varian didn’t really feel like talking. He didn’t feel like delving into his past and reliving those painful memories. Moreover, he didn’t want anyone in this world to know of his mistakes, even if they were just a stranger.

Just then the door opened and a tall woman with short bobbed hair and glasses walked in. She wore a white lab coat and held in her hand a clipboard and pen.

“Hello, Miss Templeton. Are we here to see Hiro today?” The woman asked Aunt Cass.

“Oh hi, Dr. Mcguire.” Aunt Cass stood up to shake her hand. “No, I called earlier and told the secretary this, but I’d like you to meet Varian. Varian this is Dr. Mcguire. She’s our family therapist.”The woman smiled and shook his hand as well, as Aunt Cass contunited. “Varian is from Europe and I’m fostering him while he’s here in the states.”  

“Oh exciting!” The woman enthused. “Is this your first therapy session, Varian?”

Varian nodded his head numbly, still too unsure of himself to speak.

“Well there’s many different types of therapy. I’m a grief counselor. I use different techniques to help people deal with loss or trauma, such as, listening to people talk about their feelings and problems, helping people develop healthy coping mechanisms for anxiety or depression, helping people pinpoint or understand where their underlying issues are and what might cause them to react the way they do to certain situations, and basically anything else that helps the patient cope with their grief.”

Varian listened to the woman intently but none of what she said made any sense to him. He knew what all those words individually meant on their own but all together it just sounded like a word salad to him. He had no idea what any of that actually entailed in practice.

"Well, now Varian, tell me a little about yourself?" The doctor asked as she sat at her desk.

Varian only stared blankly at her, unsure what she wanted to hear.

Dr. Mcguire expounded "Do you have any interests or hobbies?"

Varian looked back to Aunt Cass questionly and she gave him an encouraging smile and a go on motion with her hands.

"Ummm...I like alchemy."

"Alchemy? Like the history of it, or is that some new video game I haven't heard of yet?" Dr. Mcguire gently laughed at herself. "My kids are always trying to get me into the lastest gaming craze and I can never seem to get the hang of it."

Varian once again could only stare. He'd played a few video games with Hiro and Fred, but he had no idea what was deemed popular or not. Nor did he know how to explain to this woman that he was a practitioner of a long dead science.

When this didn't elect a response from him the doctor tried a new line of questioning.

"Do you have a favorite video game?"

Varian shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't played many of them. We didn't have video games back in Old Corona."

"That's the city he came from." Aunt Cass explained. "Varian is from a Russia territory."

"Oh. Well, what did you play in Old Corona?" Dr. Mcguire asked.

"Not much." Varian racked his brain for a childhood game, but there had been no other kids to play with and his dad was not much for chess.

"My cellmate and I would play 'Noughts and Crosses' to pass the time. It's a little like Gomoku, but you try to get three in a row instead of five, and you just draw an X or O on to a grid you drew in the sand instead of having a board and colored pieces.'

"Oh we call that tic-tac-toe here." Aunt Cass cheerfully said, not immediately picking up on his mention of being in jail.

The doctor however did notice. "Cellmate?" She asked with concern.

Varian clamped his mouth shut at that. He didn't want to go into why he had been in prison, certainly not with Aunt Cass there.

Sensing the Varian's discomfort and seeing Dr. Mcguire's confusion, Aunt Cass spoke up. "I'm guessing the secretary didn't give you the forms we filled out?"

"No, I'm afraid not. I saw your name on the appointment and just assumed it was time again for Hiro's session. I'm sorry, that was unprofessional of me to assume and not come prepared. Would you like to reschedule?"

Aunt Cass looked to Varian. "It's up to you, sweetie."

Varian really didn't want to go through all this again. "No. I'm good."

"Well do you feel like talking about what's wrong then?" Asked Mcguire.

Varian tightened his jaw, unsure how to say no to the woman. But Dr. Mcguire knew her business and understood what Varian meant even without words.

"It's ok." She soothed. "You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. We're not here to make you feel uncomfortable. Therapy is supposed to help, not hurt."

This relaxed Varian a little, but only a little. He didn't know what either adult wanted from him then.

"Varian, would it help if I left?" Aunt Cass offered. "Or would you prefer that I stay? Either one is fine. It's your choice."

Varian looked back and forth between both women trying to decide. He honestly didn't know which would be more stressful; dealing with the doctor alone or risking slipping up again and having Aunt Cass find out about his past crimes.

"I...maybe?" He eventually answered.

"Alright then. I'll be just right outside the door if you need me." She stood up, walked over to Varian, gave him a peck on the forehead and an encouraging smile before closing the door and leaving.

Varian had to admit, he could breath more easily now that she'd left the room.

"Well," Dr. Mcguire spoke back up, "if you rather not talk about your issues right now, would you like to write about them instead?"

Varian gave her a confused look and in response she dug into a drawer in her desk and pulled out a notebook.

"Sometimes people find it easier to write about things than to talk about them. I often give my patiences journals, so that they can get out their feelings about stuff, make goals and plans, or to help keep track of their triggers and their responses."

She handed the notebook to Varian. It was thin and curiously printed on the front were images of lizards with hats and sunglasses riding upon skateboards. Varian might have thought it absurd looking but he was distracted by something that the doctor had said.

"Triggers?" He asked.

"A 'trigger' is anything that might make someone remember their trauma. It can be anything from a familiar sound or object, to an action or situation that is similar to an event that the person went through. When someone who's been through trauma comes across one of their triggers they might experience a panic attack, flashbacks, get angry or upset, or even completely shut down so to speak."

Varian studied the woman thoughtfully. Wasabi had described what a panic attack felt like and it sounded eerily similar to what he had felt when he ran away that day. The way he felt after having a nightmare. The way he'd felt when he had come home to find his dad unmoving in the amber.

“Do..do nightmares count?” He asked hesitantly.

“Well, yes, in a way. Nightmares are often associated with PTSD. They are a way for your mind to process what has happened to you. But they can also be caused by other things, like stress, anxiety, or just a lack of sleep. You’d have to dream about something multiple times and analyze those dreams in order to figure out their cause.”

She paused and studied Varian intently before continuing. "Some people write dream diaries to track the patterns of what they dream and when. You write what you've dreamed, good or bad, when you wake up. You also may write things like what time you went to bed, how long did you sleep, or what you may have eaten that day as those can affect how well you sleep."

"You could use your journal for that." She gently suggested.

"Then...then I show it to you?" He asked in kind.

"If you want to. Though, once again, you don't have to do anything that you don't want to."

"But, if I did, would it help?" Varian pressed, "Would it get rid of them?"

"It might help." The woman said measuredly. "Though it might not. Or you may need to do that along with a combination of things. The only way to find out is to try it."

Dr. Mcguire gave him a soft smile and Varian turned her words over in his mind. He would love for the nightmares to stop. They had only become more frequent since he moved in with the Hamada's. As if deep down he feared this new change in his life would become permanent and his subconscious was warning him to return home before it was too late. But, even still, while the doctor was right about not knowing till you tried, he worried over his past and what she or others might think of him once known. Then again, no reason to take a dream literally, right?

"I've..I...I've been having nightmares lately." He finally admitted. Dr. Mcguire only nodded along. She most likely had already guessed as much, but she didn't interrupt.

"They're always different. Like they're about different things. Sometimes they're about my home or my dad, sometimes about my friends, both old and new, and sometimes about, ummm, being in jail." He muttered this last part but then quickly contunited on, "They all end the same way though. With me being alone."

He met the doctor's eyes questioningly, wondering how she might respond. She looked to be contemplating over what he'd just confessed.

"Hmmm…Well dreams are rarely the same each time. It's usually just the repeated elements that we look for when analyzing. That's how the journal would help. But it looks like you figured out one of those elements on your own. Does being alone scare you?"

Varian looked at her wide eyed. He didn't know how to feel about having one of his greatest fears pointed out to him. It was true of course, but he didn't like to admit it.

"A, little." He admitted sheepishly.

"A lot of people fear being alone. We're social creatures. Humans need other humans and so we seek out relationships. It's nothing to be embarrassed about." Mcguire tried to ease his fear.

"Were you on your own in jail? Did you feel alone there?" She pressed.

"No, well sometimes, but like I said I at least had a cellmate. That's better than when I was completely on my own before then."

Dr. Mcguire face grew more concerned but she didn't pursue anything else about his time alone. Instead she asked, "Were you friends with your cellmate?"

"No." Varian scoffed, complaining about Andrew was easier than talking about his time spent on the run. "Dude was a creep."

"Oh, did you fight with him often?"

"Not usually. In fact we got along fine, but that's only because he'd pretend to be nice to get what he wanted. I always knew that's what he was doing, but I, guess I just went along with it because….because it was better than not talking to anybody at all."

Dr. Mcguire furrowed her brow, "What did he want from you then?"

Varian wiggled in his seat at that. He didn't want to go into the prison break and what followed thereafter. "Just….stuff."

This did not ease the doctor's fear. "How old were you when you went to jail?"

"I had just turned fifteen." He didn't know where this was going.

"And your cellmate was what, also fifteen, sixteen?" She guessed.

"Oh no. Corona doesn't have, what did the policeman call it, 'juvenile detention center.' Anyways, uh, I'm not sure what age Andrew was. He never said, but I would guess, like, late twenties?" Varian shrugged but he only became even more confused when he noted the look of horror on Dr Mcguire's face.

"And where were the guards when he was making you do… stuff?" She tried to hide it but Varian could still hear the way her voice shook.

"Ummm...well the guards make their rounds of the cells every ten minutes and stand guard at the door between then. Or they're supposed to, anyways. Sometimes they're late or they're switching shifts, or even sometimes asleep." He broke from his matter of fact statement with a little laugh. "I once saw Pete the guard fall asleep while standing up and Stan, the other guard, had to prop him up with his spear to keep the Captain from noticing." He whispered conspiratorially as if imparting some juicy bit of gossip.

But the doctor wasn't amused.

"It would appear that your home country has a very different legal system than ours." She stated as if trying to find a way to navigate Varian's revelations.

"I'll say." He snorted. Complaining about the conditions of the dungeon itself didn't bother him as much as admitting how he'd got there. He supposed it was because everyone suffered the same indignity as he did while there. So he didn't feel singled out.

"I saw what those cells down at the police station here looked like last week. Let me tell you. They were pristine." He began to number the differences on his fingers." Clean, not drafty, there were toilets, electric lights. I was on the bottom floor of the dungeon and all we had was a grate on the ceiling that let the tiniest bit of light and air in from the cell above us. Of course that wasn't much cause that cell only had a small window to begin with."

The doctor interrupted his ramble. "But what about when you were aloud outside?"

"Outside?" He echoed in confusion. "We never went outside. Who'd let criminals out of their cells willingly?"

Dr. Mcguire darted her eyes back and forth as if equally flabbergasted. "But, but what about for exercise!? Showers!? Mealtimes!?"

Varian looked at her unsure how to answer, now only realising just how vastly different the two realities really were.

"We ate in the cells." He said flatly in lieu of anything else. "Is the food better here too?"

"I don't know? What did they serve you?"

"Usually gruel, or bread and water. Sometimes we'd get scraps from the castle's kitchen. Like leftover bone broth before it went bad. I guess not to starve us completely."

"Castle?" She echoed hollowly.

"The jail is underneath the government's palace." He explained.

"And is that the only prison? Wouldn't that get over full?"

"Yeah, it does. That's why they only keep people there until they ship them off on the prison barge or…. til they hang them." He quietly admitted.

This seemed to be the last straw for the doctor.

She took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to compose herself.

"Well, that..uh..we seem to be reaching near the end of our session. How about we bring Miss. Templeton back in?" She flashed him a strained grin, but Varian knew she was rattled and he feared he'd said too much or had done the wrong thing.

"You mean Aunt Cass?" He asked.

"Yes. So you call her 'aunt' too?" He nodded. " Well let's get your aunt in here and we'll talk about how best to continue your therapy."

Dr. Mcguire walked out and Varian could hear her and Aunt Cass having a hushed and hurried conversion. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but he knew it was about him. Soon after, they both reentered the room and Aunt Cass took a seat next to him on the couch.

Dr. Mcguire sat at her desk again and proceeded to make an announcement.

"So Varian and I have talked a little and he's decided that he's going to keep a dream diary, which he can share with me during our next few sessions if he would like. However, I feel that Varian might benefit from seeing a specialist."

Varian heart dropped. He was being turned away? He'd somehow managed to screw up his first therapy session so bad the doctor was pawning him off to someone else.

"But, aren't you a specialist?" Aunt Cass asked, equally confused.

"Yes, but I deal with post trauma, sudden events, like a car accident or the recent death of a family member. After talking to Varian, it appears he's been through prolonged trauma. It'll take a few more sessions to confirm this but, he may have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's related to regular PTSD, there is some overlap in symptoms, but ultimately it requires different treatment."

Varian's stomach began to churn and he felt his heartbeat quicken. All he heard, behind the doctor's unfamiliar terminology, was that he was somehow, wrong or broken, more so than even the troubled patients she normally worked with. He wanted to cry, but instead he blinked back tears as Dr. Mcguire contunited.

"I have the name of a psychiatrist that I can recommend. I've worked with him before alongside other patients."

She handed a business card to Aunt Cass who leaned forward to take from her. As she read it the doctor went on.

"Dr. Brown deals with former soldiers, war refugees, abuse victims, and others who've had to endure extremely harsh conditions. He's better experienced in such cases and as a psychiatrist he can also prescribe any medicine that Varian might need."

"Medicine!?" Varian exploded and both women looked at him with concern. "But, but I'm not sick." He whined in protest.

Dr. Mcguire stood up and walked over to him. She knelt down to his level and looked him in the eye.

"I don't know if you are or aren't, diagnoses of mental illnesses take time, but you might still need prescribed medication even if you don't have an illness. You mentioned not sleeping well, something as simple as a herbal tea with added melatonin could help with that. However as a psychologist, and not a psychiatrist, I can legally write you a prescription for that, nor should I."

Varian darted his eyes about the room in confusion. Logically what the woman said made sense, he supposed, but that didn't stop his anxiety from raising. He felt cornered. He wanted to run again, but the gentle hand of Aunt Cass upon his shoulder rooted him to the couch.

"Look, you're still welcome to come see me." Dr. Mcguire reassured him. "I'll gladly help you in any way that I can. I just think Dr. Brown could do even more to help you."

"We just want what's best for you." Aunt Cass interjected. "Thank you, Dr. Mcguire. I'll give this Dr. Brown a call today when we get home."

And that was the end of it. They said their goodbyes and left.

On the whole way home, Varian sulked in the passenger seat as he stared dispondingly out the window. He could feel Aunt Cass nervously stealing glances of him, probably afraid he may jump out of the car again and try to run away.

She attempted to say something a few times, but thought better of it and kept quiet. The uncomfortable silence weighing upon them both until they arrived back at the Luck Cat.

Varian tore out of the car, pounded up the stairs, and was just about to run towards his new room, when he heard Aunt Cass say. "We need to talk."

Varian found himself sitting on a couch for the second time that day. This one in Hamada living room. He eyed Aunt Cass pensively and waited for yet another lecture.

"Sooo, I know that didn't go as well as we hoped today, but hey, we made some progress!" She gave him a plastered grin as she tried to find the silver lining. Varian only gave her a look as if she was crazy and rolled his eyes.

She heaved a heavy sigh.

"Varian, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Lots of people see special psychiatrists. That's what they're for. They wouldn't exist if people didn't need them."

Varian still refused to meet her gaze.

"Also, not everyone finds the right therapist on their first try. It took me a whole year and three different doctors before I found Dr. Mcguire."

Varian did look at her upon that revelation, this time with surprise on his face.

Aunt Cass gave him a small smile.

"Did you think you were the only one who needed therapy?" She gently teased, before admitting, "I was only 24 when I took in Tadashi and Hiro. I didn't know how to be a parent. I didn't know how to handle two grieving little boys nor the emotional roller coaster I was on as well. I had to get help. I had to try out different doctors, different types of therapy, even took medication for a little while, and it took time but in the end it did make things better for all of us. I just want you to get better as well."

Varian processed this confession as he wrestled with his growing sense of shame and despair.

"But...but…you never did anything to deserve that. It was just a bad thing that happened to you.. I… I on the other hand…I wasn't in that jail for no reason." He confessed before bursting into tears.

"I don't care." Aunt Cass quietly said.

Varian looked back in surprise again. She stood before him with worry etched onto her face.

"I don't care what you did." She reiterated. "It doesn't matter."

She bent down and cupped Varian's face into her hand, just as she did when he returned after running away.

"Varian, no one deserves to be treated the way you were. Especially a child. That..that was just cruel." Her voice broke. "Cruel, and inhumane, and oh god, what ever did they do to you to make you think you deserved it?" It was her turn to cry as she scooped Varian into a hug.

Varian blinked rapidly, both because of the tears and because he hadn't been expecting this reaction. He knew he was at fault. Everyone in the kingdom knew it. They all blamed him for what happened and threw nothing but scorn his way. The only reason that Aunt Cass and everyone else didn't hate him too was because they didn't know, surely. But the sincerity in her voice, the tender loving embrace, the way she put up with him and his stupid mistakes around the house, all made him desperate to believe her. So he hugged her tightly back.

"But.. But.. I'm not 'no one'" The tears flowed freely now. "I'm...I'm…I'm not like anyone. The doctor said so herself, today."

"No!" She pulled away from the embrace to look him dead in the eye. "No. She said you needed help that she couldn't give. Dr. Brown, though, can. He deals with people who've been through what you've been through. You're not alone. You're not broken. You're not weird. And you are most certainly not deserving of being thrown in a dungeon."

She wiped her fingers through his bangs, a sign of affection he'd come to recognize from her, and blinking back tears said, "Oh how I wish I could have been there for you sooner. But I'm here now. And so is Hiro, all your friends, Chief Cruz, Professor Granville, and Dr. Mcguire. Ok? We are all here for you now, and we love you, and nothing is going to change that. And now Dr. Brown will be there for you too. So please, let us help you."

Varian searched her eyes. These were words he had longed to hear for who knew how long, but when faced with them for real he had trouble giving into them; to believing them. The nagging voice in his head was screaming at him, warning him that it wasn't true, that they would all abandon his as soon as he screwed up or they found out the truth of his past, the same as how everyone else had given up on him, told him how he didn't deserve such kindness, ect.,but he didn't care. He wanted it to be true.

He nodded yes and flung his arms around Aunt Cass again. They remained that way, just holding each other for several minutes. While Aunt Cass stroked his hair and cooed reassuring words. How she loved him, how she wasn't going anywhere, how he was her child now and nothing would change that. He wasn't sure if he was ready to accept her as a parent yet, to him his dad was the only parent he needed, but he deeply appreciated all that she had done, all that she promised to do, and it felt good to finally be accepted somewhere, to be wanted .

When they finally stopped hugging Aunt Cass said she was going to call Dr. Brown and set up an appointment. She then stroked the top of his head again and asked if he wanted to help her bake something special for dinner. He nodded yes and they both put the unfortunate incident at the therapist behind them.

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x13 - Mr. Jones

EPISODE SUMMARY:

SEASON FINALE — Having realized that a deadly threat has infiltrated CrashCon, the busiest event of the year, Liz (Jeanine Mason) realizes that she can’t save everyone she loves — and with Max (Nathan Dean) facing immediate danger, she and Isobel must make a heart-wrenching choice. Meanwhile, Michael (Michael Vlamis) finds himself caught up in the conflict between Jesse (Trevor St. John) and Alex (Tyler Blackburn) once again, even as Maria’s (Heather Hemmens) life hangs in the balance elsewhere, and Kyle (Michael Trevino) faces a moral dilemma when the enemy requires medical attention. Jeffrey Hunt directed the episode written by Christopher Hollier & Carina Adly MacKenzie (#213). Original airdate 6/15/2020.

DETAILS:

The episode opens with Isobel trying to hold back the fire. They don't actually show Rosa convincing Liz to go stop the explosion. But she runs up to Isobel and explains her science:

"I have to activate the ingredients first, but once I introduce my solution to the system it should kill the cellular matrix."

Liz literally squirts the console with her "solution".

Rosa is doing CPR on Max and praying. Max wakes up just as Kyle runs up.  Immediately Max directs Kyle to Flint instead of himself. It's interesting. When Max previously killed with his hand, in 1x06, he instantly knew that he killed the drifter. This time he wasn't sure (and he didn't. We eventually learn). Rosa and Kyle take Flint to the hospital.

Meanwhile Helena is saving Charlie's life.  

"Jesse Manes was the only one supposed to get hurt."

Which is...not what happened.  Jesse, Flint, Max, Maria...even Liz got hurt.  She burned her hand on the console.

Maria is being rolled into the hospital. She got there really really fast. Cam is by her side.

Liz is still squirting her solution onto the console. It turns red.  Liz asks Isobel to get people away but Isobel refuses to leave Liz alone.

Jesse, Greg, Michael, and Alex are still mid-standoff.

"Gregory, listen. You and I have had our differences in the past, but you should stand with me now."

"You're not well, Dad."

Jesse hits Gregory with the atomizer and appears to knock him out. He tries to shoot Michael, but Alex tackles him.

"Guerin, get the atomizer! Get it away from my brother!"

"Alex, I can't."

Jesse gets the upper hand in the fistfight with Alex and steals Alex's gun. Turns to shoot Michael again.

Liz makes more solution and squirts more of it on the console.  This time it starts to crack. Isobel pulls Liz to safety and the console shrivels and dies.

The dying console just doesn't work as well in still form, so @maxortecho giffed it for me! Thank you!! 😘

Max runs up to them.

"You disabled it. You saved everyone."

"Is Flint dead? Did you kill him?"

He looks at Liz with some heavy heart eyes for her being the hero. She looks at him with fear.

Back to the Maneses and Michael. Jesse has a gun on Michael. Michael has the atomizer.

"Drop it, Guerin. Drop it!"

There's a gunshot. Jesse Manes falls and Michael has blood on his face.  Gregory shot Jesse from behind.

"I should have defended you from him a long time ago."

"There are no more Manes men left."

Jesse dies.

Indeterminant time jump.  Liz is late for work.

"Sorry, Javi.  I just...I haven't really been sleeping."

"You've said that every day since CrashCon. You still having nightmares? …Did you read the papers this morning."

"Oh, I've kind of been trying to avoid the papers."

"Did you hear about that veteran who died at the carnival? They're going to have a parade, build a statue. Did you know he was disabled?"

Customers at the counter are discussing CrashCon:

"The CrashCon discourse is saying aliens invaded and killed the guy."

"That should be good for tourism."

"Newspaper said it was smoke inhalation though."

"He was making sure all the kids got out safely and the smoke overwhelmed him."

"We need more people like him."

Soooo much to unpack here.  And most of it is addressed by Helena and Rosa's exchange at the end of the episode. But the big question to me is… who is spreading the rumors and covering this up? Is it Flint? Is he even well enough to take the lead on that? Is it someone else with Project Shepherd that we haven't met? The mayor? I mean, Jesse was shot! There was a lot of blood! Plus, remember what happened in 1x11 and 1x12: it's a small town. People notice gunshots. 

Liz goes to take a table's order and, surprise! It's Diego. Who had gone back to Denver after CrashCon. He brought Dr. Margot Meyerson to Roswell to meet Liz.

Michael is visiting Maria at the hospital:

"What are you doing?"

"Oh they cut your bracelet off during surgery. How are you? You look better."

"Liz has been dropping by every day to inject me with witch serum."

"Ooh the synthetic nucleotide excision repair genomogenate? We're lucky you're only part alien, otherwise there wouldn't have been enough left of you for her to save."

"Listen, do you think you could use your telekinesis to open this box? Mimi left it when she visited. It's a family heirloom, but she forgot the key."

"Mimi hasn't exactly been leading you in the right direction lately. Her psychic visions led you toward a bomb instead of away from it. Seeing you like that -- all sick and pale and quiet -- I started praying."

Max and Isobel are at Max's house. Isobel is studying the photos of the console and alien symbols.

"I wish I understood why Louise and Nora would spend a year building an alien weapon of mass destruction."

"I don't think it was a bomb. I think it's a communication device. It's like a remote, you know, it just happens to be combustible."

"Are you mad at me, Max? Did I do something wrong? Is it that we're not related, or are you upset about the abortion? Because I…"

"Whoa, hey, God no."

"Because you're not talking to me."

"You're not the only one.  I didn't want everyone to worry, you know, 'cause I've been taking some of Liz's antidote. And things are coming back to me. Little flashes, sort of, mostly. Like vague memories."

"Michael said that you kind of zoned out when you touched that alien bomb...remote thing. Did it trigger a memory?"

"When I touched the console, I heard whispers that I could almost understand. All right, it's like the same with those symbols. I mean it's like their meaning is just beyond reach. Except for one word. I took this from Graham Green's display at CrashCon. See that? It's an aerial photo of some crop circles from Roswell in 1948. This farm belonged to a guy called Jones. Pretty sure it says savior... This is my name. Maybe that means you and Michael's parents weren't the only ones that survived the crash. Right, maybe I had a family too. You know, maybe my mom was just across town."

"Max. I really wish that you could just focus on the present. You know, I mean, as a recently deceased man, I really feel like you should be enjoying the simple pleasures in life, you know, like reading nerdy books, the smell of leather, and that feeling when you wake up before your alarm and the person you love is still asleep and they're kind of snoring a little bit. It's like the best thing that ever happened to you. Stuff like that."

"I want all those things too.  But I feel like if I only know half of myself, I'm only half living. And I know you understand that, Iz, because I've watched you this year become your entire self. And it is so beautiful. Okay, I am not at all mad at you. Are you kidding me? I am so proud of you. I am so proud that you're my sister."

Michael and Alex in the shed. For all that the shed is such a key location in this show's canon this is the first time we've seen it since 1x06.

"Maria made me bring food over.  I gave it to Gregory.  Seems to be holding up okay."

"Everything my family touches turns to crap. My dad used to talk about how my Grandpa Harlan built this she'd with his bare hands when he was, like, seventy.  For a long time it was my safest space. And the one night my dad destroyed it."

"You're right. This place sucks."

Michael and Alex start destroying the shed. In the next scene Michael breaks a floorboard revealing a skeleton. The skeleton is wearing dog tags, so Alex grabs them. In his shirt pocket Michael spots and grabs the key to Maria's box.  The tags say Eugene Manes III.  So this is Tripp's body. Which confirms for Alex that his grandfather killed Tripp.

Max and Liz are walking in the plaza.

"I don't understand the violence, Max. Flint could have had brain damage given how long he wasn't breathing. You risked your life to hurt him and he had already thrown the weapon away, Max, so why? I can't get that image out of my head.  You trying to kill Alex's brother."

"I know. I snapped. Last year Noah told me that we were energized by killing and not by healing. Even then I knew he was right.  I… Obviously I can usually fight that, but I guess this time my better angels just didn't show up."

"We have to stop keeping secrets from each other, Max. There's a scientist in town.  She's a supervisor at Genoryx.  She has a job for me in California. She's offered to sponsor my dad's citizenship. And it could put me in a position to help Rosa too. I mean, I'd be able to do a lot of good with the grant money they're offering, and I know that all sounds too good to be true, but…"

"It sounds like someone finally realizes how valuable your mind is."

"I think that a change of scenery will be so good for us. I mean, we could get a place by the beach and you could write."

"You want me to come with you?"

"Of course I do."

"Well, I mean, I just told you I have this killer instinct, and you want me to come to California with you."

"We'll figure it out. Okay? We'll figure all of it out together. Run away with me, Max Evans?"

"Anywhere."

Max goes to see Cam at work. She picks on him for getting arrested and has his mugshot as her desktop background because friends!

Max asks about Charlie.

"Yeah she texted me from a burner phone that she was all right and then she vanished again."

Max tells her that he has a doctor's appointment and then asks her to do some undercover work for him.

Michael visiting Maria at the hospital.

"So Alex thinks Harlan found out that Tripp was an alien sympathizer all that time and he offed him."

"So Mimi must have known that you would find it. That's why she left the box. Look, I know you don't trust my mom's visions, but I was the only one who could grab that atomizer and run with it. If it had been you, you'd be dead."

Maria takes off the bracelet.

"What are you doing? Maria, that prevents brain damage."

"I'm only part alien, but it is a part of me. Even if it's dangerous I can't just turn off a piece of myself."

"So I'm supposed to sit around helpless as you fade away? Maria, I cannot watch you disappear. I love you."

"I love you too."

"So can we just let this go?"

"You have it wrong. Mimi hasn't disappeared. Yes she can be inconvenient, she can make people uncomfortable, but maybe she's supposed to be an uncomfortable inconvenience that saves lives. And now I need to be inconvenient, and I don't want to be someone that hurts you. I think that we should find out what's next, apart from each other."

"Wait, so you think that if we break up, I'm gonna be able to stop caring about you?"

"I learned so much, being with you. You sacrificed yourself without hesitation when Alex needed you."

"I would have done the same for you."

"I know. I don't doubt your capacity for love, 'cause you made me so happy this year. And I loved being someone that made you happy. I just think that we should leave it be, before I wonder if someone else could make you happier. Open the box, Guerin. Let's see what comes next.

Skip forward to the Crashdown where Michael has the box in a booth with Alex and Isobel. He opens the box and pulled out a journal, which they in turn read aloud.

I did a separate post on the journal's content and the Tripp and Nora flashbacks here:

Kyle visits Steph in the hospital

"What do you think will happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I die, idiot."

"You know, Socrates thought that death was a blessing, because only one of two things could happen. Either consciousness ceases, and it's like falling into a dreamless sleep. Or you go to where all who have died before you have gone. Your loved ones, people you admire. If you lived a good and just life, you will be surrounded by goodness and justice, in a place without fear. Sorry.  I thought a lot about this when my dad passed, so I…"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm putting you through this again."

"No...I want to be here."

Liz interrupts them. She clearly wasn't expecting Kyle to be there and comments on Max's appointment.  Kyle gets up to leave.

Diego and Margot are talking in the Wild Pony:

"I was very impressed with her work when we first pursued her, but when I met her today, not so much."

"Why? 'Cause she had a little ketchup on her uniform?"

Undercover!Jenna staggers up to them and spills her drink on them, tells Margot that she's beautiful, and plants a listening device.

"Anyway I think we should move on."

"Okay, wait a sec.  Liz has been working on something recently, but she signed this NDA. Although I guess she can't be blamed if we took a peek, you know? Without permission."

The line that will haunt me for the next year. Kyle to Max while showing him what appears to be chest X-rays.

"You know what I'm saying here, right Max?"

Cameron calls:

"You were right. It is too good to be true. Diego just told some woman he can get her access to Liz's lab. He must have followed her there."

"Well, there's a security system."

"The way he's talking, it sounded like Diego's pretty certain he can get access. They just left here, Evans.  You need to tell Liz to get anything incriminating out of there - now."

Max arrives at the lab and immediately sees that the security system was manufactured by Genoryx. He uses his powers to break the system and get into the lab. He quickly searches through all of Liz's records and then pours what appears to be gas or lighter fluid or some other flammable substance all over the place and then uses his powers to set a fire.

He listens to the notes on Liz's recorder, which by the way has 22 minutes of recording on it. Some of what we hear:

This is my record of the dissection of specimen NB.

... immunoglobulin harvested from alien DNA can be transferred to a human recipient.

Commence dissection of the dorsal side of the spinal nerve.

I hypothesize that the female specimen's plasma…

Bracken's seminal cells indicate a pH level double that of a human counterpart.

I'm now extracting the grey matter to measure alien voxel signals.

Note that Max doesn't seem to have any chest pain this time when he uses his powers.

Right as Diego and Margot show up the lab explodes.

Max comes home to find Michael and Isobel waiting for him.  He's clearly exhausted and upset after the lab.

"Can whatever this is wait until tomorrow?"

"Jones? That's the guy who grew the crop circles in the shape of my name."

"Nope. We spent the day reading Tripp Manes' journal. Caffeinate, Max... Okay, so, when I asked Sanders about this photo of Nora, he said he didn't know whose hand this was. He was all, Mr. Bernhardt, Mr. Jones, Old Man Gibbons. Could've been anybody."

"Ten points to Hufflepuff."

"So in October '48, Nora decided not to finish building the ship with Louise. She decided to go to the reservation with Tripp."

"But then little Walt convinced her to go to the fall festival, where after successfully avoiding him for a year, she finally ran into the alien stowaway who had crashed the ship. He'd been masquerading as a farmer."

"Mr. Jones."

"Tripp saw Jones approach Nora, and he recognized him from the night of the crash, but he didn't have a chance to ask Nora about it before Harlan called for a raid on the farm."

"Yeah. And after the massacre, Jones was never heard from again. Crop circles were all that was left."

"If you were in hiding, why would you grow corn in the shape of an alien symbol?"

"Maybe they just grew that way.  It's the same way that this symbol just shows up everywhere, you know?"

Michael reveals his tattoo and it's the first time Max has seen it.

"Wait, when did..?"

"Oh, I got it when we weren't sure if you were coming back. It didn't feel like it was ever gonna be the same again."

"All right. There. Now can we all cowboy up and focus, please? Let's feel our feelings after we've solved the mystery of the unknown alien. After the raid on the farm, Nora was held by Project Shepherd."

Note...not actually accurate. Michael didn't get the tattoo until Max was out of surgery.

See Journal and Flashbacks post for the flashback.

Jenna and Charlie reunite. Relevant quote to remember:

Liz and Rosa find the destroyed lab.  Liz sees the fractal burn that indicates that Max is the one that destroyed it.

"I fought so hard to become who I am, and I just trade her in every time I get scared? No. I don't want to be on the run anymore."

Back to Max's house:

"Whatever happened to that thing that she and Louise were building out in the desert? I mean, did she ever tell him where it was or what it was?"

"Nope. And when Tripp asked Louise about it, she was silent."

Liz walks in and interrupts.

"Why'd you do it, Max?"

They go into the bedroom to fight.

"I'd been asking you for weeks to clear out that lab, okay? I knew it wasn't safe."

"Alex installed a military-grade security system."

"A system designed by Genoryx, okay? Diego could have hacked it. He could already know everything."

"And his nefarious plan is to what? Set us up with a condo in L.A.? Give my family a second chance?"

"Okay, I have a family to protect too."

"Yes, and you could have stopped Diego without destroying a year of my work!"

"I had to act fast."

"So your first instinct was to go with the one method that would break my heart?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking about your heart when I'm staring at jars with Noah's liver and his brain. I mean, what else did you harvest from us, Liz?"

"Those are just cells. I wasn't hurting anyone. I don't know what you thought love was gonna be like when we were 17, but it isn't just sunsets and horseback rides."

"You can't put this all on me. Okay you were sneaking around behind my back…"

"I apologized. I stopped. Max, you died this year. I was all alone because of a choice that you made, but still every single thing I did was for you and about you and with you. So when you were back, when I could finally touch you. When I could finally breathe. I needed to take just one moment to remember where I end and where you begin. To just be whole in who I am. I am a scientist. I am fighting for something that is bigger than me. I am trying to leave this world a better place. And I am in love with you. And right now, I hate it."

Liz leaves and Max takes another dose of the antidote.

Time jump. No idea how long or what has happened in between.  Liz and Rosa on the Crashdown roof saying goodbyes.

"Dad is checking your oil and making sure you have enough chile...also you left this in our room. Mom's been texting."

"Trying to come up with a better response than, go duck yourself… You should come with me. The Ortecho sisters take California."

"I wish. But I can't. I'm going back to rehab tonight. I want to see the program through. Sorry."

"Don't be. It's the best possible thing you could have said."

"You know… Max should be your road trip buddy. You love him.  You're gonna forgive him.  Besides, we both know if you try to leave town without him again, he's just gonna show up with some big, grand romantic gesture to stop you."

Open mic night at the Pony.  Alex and Kyle have a drink together.

"So how does it feel to have your father's murder officially avenged?."

"Feels like my dad's still dead. Flint should be okay. He'll live to become the new Jesse Manes."

"No he won't. I'm not gonna let it happen."

"After everything you still believe in redemption?"

"Well, I have a pretty good example of it right in front of me."

Alex sings his song. Michael, Isobel, Greg, and Forrest are all there listening.

Flash to Kyle going to Steph's hospital room.  The bed is empty...because she's up doing her makeup, her hands steady.

"Your hands are better.  Did they give you morphine?"

"I woke up this morning feeling incredible. Look at my chart. My numbers are up. It's a miracle."

"Or just really good science."

Liz is preparing to leave, her suitcase beside her in the empty Crashdown as she stands at the juke box one last time. Kyle runs in.

"What you did was reckless. And dangerous. And unethical, Liz. Thank you." 

Back at the Wild Pony, Michael watches Forrest listening to Alex sing.  He turns to leave. Isobel tries to stop him.

"It's a sad story, me and Alex. I have to walk away so we can start a new one someday. It's not our time right now."

"But it will be."

"I think so."

Rosa walks up to a bar.  She hesitates before going in, her hands shaking.

Liz buckles into her car, ready to leave.  She looks in the rearview window and waits.  She's clearly expecting Max to come.  But he's at home studying his alien symbols. She gives in and pulls away, leaving Roswell. Her season ends with her looking out over the ocean.

Alex finishes his song and Greg and Forrest are still there and are proud of him.

"Well, damn. How do you feel?"

"Like I just sang a song about a guy in front of a bunch of cowboys, and...I don't care."

"Oh, lucky guy, with a song like that."

"Yeah it was a long time ago…can I?"

Alex and Forrest kiss.

Rosa walks into the bar. Helena is there.

"If you came to tell me what I did wrong, your sister already texted."

"Did you get what you wanted, Mom? Is your score finally settled?"

"No. I wanted everyone to see Jesse Manes humiliated and weak. I wanted him to die knowing shame. But the papers say it was a tragedy. People like him - bad white men - they die heroes, no matter what they've done. People like us - we die villains."

"Yeah I know. I've done it. But I also got a second chance. So I get to leave a different legacy. The last time that I saw you, I said that I hated you. That's not true. I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, mija."

"I also told you to leave and I was right about that. Liz was free and it should have stayed that way. Manes is gone. There is no revenge to be had. No closure and no redemption. Don't come back, mom. Don't bother Liz again. I really hope you get better. Maybe you can have a second chance too."

Another possible time jump. Michael and Isobel pull up to where Max is out in the desert.

"How'd you guys find me?"

"Freaky twin thing. What's going on?"

"I took more of the antidote. Sorry, I should have called you guys."

"Save it. We are sick of being pissed at you for being so obnoxiously yourself. Why you look so scared?"

Pod Squad is investigating a cave. There's a door or opening covered by alien text with the alien symbol on it. It sorta looks like there's something behind it.

"Um, well, when I touched the alien console at the fair, something happened. I heard whispers that I couldn't understand...until now. I think when I touched it I unlocked something... Like a cage? The whispers led me here. I know it sounds crazy, but would you guys help me find a tunnel?"

"It's sealed up."

"I feel like we should learn more before we just busy that door open."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

There's a knocking sound and a voice calls out.

"Help! Is someone there?"

"If Max unlocked something at CrashCon, whoever that is has been down here for days without…"

"I need water. Please."

"There has to be three."

Note that we now know which symbol represents each of them.

The door shatters and they all react (Isobel's face is priceless).  

We flash back to the mysterious stowaway/alien hoodie dude/Jones. Louise fighting him.  Now we can see that it's Max. Nora kneeling after the crash with the hand on her shoulder. It's Max's face. He attacks/burns the military men/Hector Valenti.

The stowaway/Jones looks exactly like Max. Only with a really bad beard. 

"Howdy partner."

MUSIC:

1. Hootie & The Blowfish "Time"

2. Tyler Rich "Leave Her Wild"

3. Clay Rigdon "That Kinda Kiss"

4. Marc Danziesen "See Yourself"

5. Gloria Hart and Art Kassel "Frankie And Johnny"

6. The Score "Legend"

7. Sarah May Byrom "Rhythm Of A Memory"

8. Tyler Blackburn "Would You Come Home"

9. The Well Pennies "The Echo And The Shadow"

10. Valerie Broussard "Dark Side"

[ridiculousravenclaw]

The Life of Elara Ware

This is a Harry Potter fanfic. Main character Elara is an original character by moi and is George Weasleys gf they started dating in 5th year. she's half blood hens the mention of muggle technology before anyone asks. And it's set during the GOF. I've never written anything like this before either so be nice.

Chapter 1

Elara couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. She read the note again, unable to hide her relief at the sight of the familiar untidy scrawl. 'Elara its okay we're good. please dont worry. oh and Mom says you can still come. You'll have to share with Ginny and Hermione though. sorry we're a busy house at the moment. but seriously don't worry. None of us got hurt. A bit shaken up but we're fine. Dads been thrown into it at work though sorting it all. I've never seen him look so tired. and mums been really nice to us since we got back. Gotta say I dont know what's more annoying. The way she keeps fussing like we're about to drop dead any minute. I think I preferred her nagging. it wont last long. All it'd take is one glimpse of a joke wand or ton tongue toffee and she'll be back to her normal screaming self. Speaking of which, you wait till I show you what we've done. Think instant. projectile. vomit! genius huh? Anyway I'll see you really soon. Love your favourite red headed knight in shining armour.'

She rolled her eyes. George was many things but a knight in shining armour was pushing it.

Collapsing back onto her bed Elara felt the tension seeping off her shoulders. Ever since the news had broken the previous day about the attack at the quidditch world cup she'd been going out of her mind with worry. No matter how many times she tried she hadn't heard a thing let alone any news on the Weasleys. Until now. She closed her eyes and pushed away the dreadful images that'd been swirling in her mind. Each scenario more terrible than the last. Its okay. They're okay. You'll see them really soon. With that final reassuring thought she sat up and made her way downstairs.

The house was silent, which was to be expected. Her parents were working so she was home alone again. She didn't mind. After all these years she was used to it. Used to the last minute I've got to gos and sorry I'm going to be home lates. They weren't to blame, such was the nature of their jobs. Elara looked around the spacious hallway. The mid afternoon sun shone through the glass door at the end of the hall and lit up the stairwell. Its beams reflecting off the crystals of the chandelier. Her parents had worked hard to pay for all this and they did it all for her. She knew better than to be ungrateful for a few lonely evenings here and there. She glanced across at the clock. 4:30. She was unsure when to expect her mother but Elara knew her dad wouldn't be home anytime soon. She looked at the letter again still clutched tightly in her hands. It was no surprise Mr Weasley had been called in. From what her father had told her the ministry was trying to get every available person in to figure out who was responsible for the disaster at the world cup. As an experienced member of the department of international magical cooperation; Hamlin Ware had been one of the first called on the scene and he hadn't been home since. This told Elara one thing. The ministry of magic didn't have a clue who was behind it or why they attacked.

4:40. It hadn't occurred to her that she'd been stood on the second to last step for 10 whole minutes lost in thought. "get a grip" she muttered to herself under her breathe as she walked towards the kitchen. She was staring at the cupboards trying to decide if she was hungry enough to start cooking dinner when the phone rang.

"Hey honey. how are you doing?" Her mother sounded exhausted on the end of the line.

"yeah I'm good. I've finally heard from George. He's okay. they're all okay."

"well thank heavens for that!" she said. Elara heard her mothers exhale of relief. "yeah I know. He said I'm still okay to stay there for the last few days of the holidays"

"see? we said he'd be alright didn't we? oh and I really don't want to impose on their family, especially after this, but... oh thank the lord for Molly Weasley. Yes. If shes truly okay with that then great. It'd be a massive help. Look I'm sorry my lovely but Adrian's sons not well again. poor lad. hes had to take extended leave to look after him. I mean, why the mother can't look after her own boy now and again is beyond me but, hey, that's none of my business i suppose. And Veronica's being her usual, I'm too important to do any work, self. Oh you should have seen her earlier. 'oh look at me in my brand new Porsche'. its orange! and not a nice orange like a sunset or something. no, like fake tan gone wrong, that's what it looks like. Uh. Anyway. Breathe Mary-Anne. The point is I'm the only other translator in the office that speaks fluent enough Polish for the conference next week. I'm sorry darling that's 2 weeks in London"

Elara could feel her mothers guilt almost radiating through the speaker.

"it's okay mum. really I understand. i dont mind. I'll go to the Weasleys and they can take me to kings cross itll be fine."

"oh my girl what did I do to deserve you?"

"hmm, not sure. but it must've been good. maybe you saved a village from plague in a past life"

Her mother chuckled. Then she grew silent. After a moment she said

"I'm probably going to be late tonight too"

there was no hiding the hint of sadness in her voice.

"I know" Elara said "it's okay. theres some leftovers hiding in this kitchen somewhere and they've got my name on them."

"Larie"

"Mum. stop. it's fine. look I'm going to have some food. have a shower. then have an early night. honestly you're not missing out on much. I'll see you tomorrow. okay?"

"okay. oh Larie I love you. more than anything in this world.

"love you too mum"

"oh and remember to check the doors locked properly and..."

"and check the security systems running. I know mum I've got it"

"you checked your trunk? you're starting your newts this year. Can't be leaving anything important behind."

"yes I've checked it. I've got everything packed dont worry."

Her mother sighed. "okay. see you later."

"bye"

Elara couldn't help but roll her eyes everytime. but still she compulsively checked the front and back door locks and the flashing screen of the home security system. Online. She knew it would be. But from a young age her mum instilled this pattern. "you must be safe Elara." she'd said. "always be safe" The overprotective persistence of her mother used to annoy her as a child. But now Elara found comfort in the metaphorical safety net her mother cast for her. It let her know that she was loved.

Making her way back to the kitchen she pushed the days worries from her mind. It looked like another evening of peaceful me time she thought. and she was going to see George soon. She smiled to herself. She had missed that cheeky grin.

[shoujocentral]

Symphogear S1- Now this is MY kind of anime!

Every once and awhile when I'd log onto Twitter, I'd see people saying "watch Symphogear" accompanied by images from the show. From looking at the pictures, I assumed it was just another magical girl show like Precure but with less magic and more... techno. Oh, and apparently they sing while they fight? Sounds kinda dumb...

Buuuut... I have heard that there's some yuri content? Maybe I'll give it a try. I mean, I'm always open to watching new stuff, even if it's just a silly little kid's show 😅

😳

Well........ color me hooked.

I have to say, this show is not at all what I was expecting in the best possible way. It feels a lot more like a Shounen action show along the lines of Fullmetal Alchemist or Neon Genesis Evangelion than a Magical Girl show (if that's even what it's supposed to be). Today, I'm going to be giving my first impressions of Senki Zesshou Symphogear season 1, which will be spoiler free for anyone who hasn't seen it yet.

Plot:

So what is Senki Zesshou Symphogear about?

In the not too distant future (next Sunday A.D.), Japan is under attack by monsters known as Noises, the likes of which cannot be killed by military weapons. The only thing that can kill them are girls clad in weaponized armor known as Gears, which is activated and powered by singing catchy techno-pop music.

One day, a girl named Hibiki Tachibana is caught in the middle of a battle, and one of the Gear users, Kanade Amou, sacrifices herself to save her. Two years later, Hibiki discovers that a piece of Kanade's Gear was embedded in her chest during the fight, giving her access to the Gear's powers. Hibiki is recruited by the Disaster Relief Squadron, the organization that created the Gears, to help defend Japan from the Noises.

However, Kanade's former girlfriend partner, Tsubasa Kazanari, sees Hibiki as nothing more than an obnoxious, naive girl trying to be Kanade's replacement. Will the two learn to work together, defeat the Noises, and possibly uncover a deeper plot to all the attacks?

Symphogear's plot might not be the most original thing ever; evil monsters attack, teenage girls transform into superpowered warriors to fight them, evil mastermind tries to take over the world, etc. But what makes this story stand out is it's unique approach to the fights. Having the Gears be powered by music, resulting in every fight being accompanied by a song, is either a genius way to amplify the fights, or a genius way for the producers to sell a techno soundtrack.

I was worried that the constant use of insert songs would become repetitive and annoying, but on the contrary, they heightened my enjoyment! The fights in Symphogear are easily my favorite part of the show: fast-paced, badass powers, lots of screaming, and downright brutal at times! Hibiki has officially joined the ranks of my all-time favorite battle cries, right up there with Goku from DBZ and Souma from Kannazuki no Miko.

If there was one thing I had to nitpick, it would be that most of the fights take away the credibility of the Noises. They're supposed to be this terrifying threat to Japan that can't be harmed by the military, but as soon as the Gear wielders show up, they're reduced to nothing more than cannon fodder as Hibiki and her comrades seem to waltz through them without breaking a sweat.

Thankfully, the versus matches between Gear wielders are much more balanced. My favorite has to be Hibiki vs Chris (see above), but then again, any fight with Chris is an absolute win!

Characters:

Hibiki Tachibana

Hibiki is your typical genki girl protagonist: optimistic, hyperactive, naive, and pure. What makes her a more compelling hero, however, is her slow growth into becoming a strong Gear wielder. Unlike most magical girl protagonists, who seem to master their powers after one line of "EH?! What just happened to me?!", Hibiki takes time to learn how to fight. She starts out with the mindset that she has to be Kanade's replacement and thus tries to fight just like her. However, she eventually comes to invent her own battle tactics that work much more in her favor. Mainly, punching the everloving shit out of everything in sight.

Hibiki is, in my opinion, a flat character done right. She doesn't go through any personal growth or development throughout the show (learning to fight doesn't count), but her belief that all humans can get along if they communicate and desire to protect people just because she wants to is the cause for most of the change in the people around her. The world is in a dark place, and Hibiki is the light. She doesn't need to change, because she's exactly what the world needs.

Tsubasa Kazanari

From what I've learned, Tsubasa is a favorite amongst Symphogear fans. Me personally, though, I have a few issues with her character. Now, I have nothing against brooding, damaged characters. In fact, Tsubasa's recovery from Kanade's death and learning to cherish her own life was incredibly engaging... for the most part. Sorry, but I can only take so much edge. Her constant repitition of "I am a sword, I exist only to fight" grew old after the first 10 or so times.

Also, while I love her overall development, I feel that her acceptance of Hibiki was a little rushed. For the first four episodes, she hates Hibiki for carrying Kanade's Gear to the point where she tries to fight her to the death. Then, after another fight sends her into a coma, she has a (extremely gay) hallucination of Kanade telling her to get over herself. Next episode, she's treating Hibiki as if they've been friends the whole time. Did I miss something? Did Hibiki even apologize for saying she wanted to replace Kanade? Did Tsubasa apologize for trying to shishkabob her?!

Development aside, her fighting style is awesome and unique, and leads to the best choreography in the show. Hopefully as I watch more seasons, my opinion of her will improve.

Chris Yukine

Best Girl. No questions. Anyone who disagrees is wrong. Deal with it.

Jokes aside, Chris is my favorite character of the show bar none. Maybe I just have a weakness for evil-turned-good characters, but I adored her "don't take no shit from nobody" attitude and her soft side emerging as the show progressed. And let me tell you, Tsubasa would have no right to brood if she knew what Chris went through as a child. I won't give anything away, but just a few brief images and harsh words were enough get the picture across and tug at my heartstrings.

She also had my favorite Gear and fighting style in the show. If there's one thing that always gets my blood pumping, it's gatling guns and an endless supply of missiles. Seriously, I could watch this girl fight for hours.

Kanade Amou

A moment of silence, ladies and gentlemen.

......

Kanade would be my favorite character if we had gotten more of her. But alas, she has to die in the very first episode. DAMN YOU, PLOT!!!

Even though we get very little of Kanade, she makes it her mission to leave a lasting impression. Her sacrifice at the beginning sets the tone for the rest of the show, and her flashback is the best of the bunch. I got hard chills when she transformed for the first time. Let's just say she's psychotic in all the right ways.

Kanade died for our sins. Remember that... 🙏

Finé

Our main villain of the show. That's it. There's really nothing much else to her. She's cruel, manipulative, and powerful beyond belief, as most big bosses of these kinds of shows are. She was honestly my least favorite part of the show.

Fine's motivation is incredibly confusing on first watch. I had to go back to pause and read the subtitles multiple times to understand her backstory, but maybe that's my fault for being a slow reader. On the other hand, the explanation as to who she is and why she's so powerful comes right out of nowhere and doesn't seem to connect to anything the story had been building up to that point. Also, by the time I understood her motivation and actually found it a little intriguing, she dropped the dreaded "I'm going to take over the world" line. Aaaaand.... all my interest just went out the window.

There is a twist involving her connection to a certain other character in the show that I genuinely didn't see coming, but in the end, it wasn't nearly enough to make up for her shortcomings.

Miku Kohinata

God bless this little angel. Miku is a precious cinnamon roll who must be protected at all costs. Thankfully, Hibiki's got it covered 👍

Words cannot express how much I love this girl. She may be only a supporting role for the time being, but good lord, does she support! It always broke my heart whenever she tried to spend time with Hibiki or talk to her, but the Disaster Relief Squad kept pulling them apart. I know DRS is classified, but Miku deserves better than to have secrets kept from her! Life sucks when your girlfriend best friend is a superhero...

Well, that was a mouthful. There's a lot more characters in this show, but I don't really have much to say about them. However, while we're on the subject of Miku, let's move on to the reason I checked this show out in the first place, and the reason I'm sure most of you read my stuff.

Yuri:

No sooner did I finish this show did I start looking up HibiMiku fanart 😍

I was expecting a fair dosage of yuribait going into Symphogear, but mother of all that is gay, did I get an overdose!

First and foremost, the main ship: HibiMiku. These two are dating. Nothing anyone says will change my mind. They compliment each other perfectly, with Hibiki's energy and Miku's sweetness... HHNNNGGH! IT'S TOO PRECIOUS! I sincerely hope these two get more time together in the next few seasons. Now if only they'd stop with the damn F word...... 😡

Next up, TsubaKana. This one seems more like it was one-sided feelings on Tsubasa's part, judging by how dedicated Kanade was to fighting the Noise. Regardless, you don't just lose all sense of your humanity and self-worth after your "partner" dies. And all that hardcore blushing in the flashbacks and naked cuddling dream sequences... nah, Tsubasa was hella hot for Kanade. Sadly, our lord and savior was taken from Ms. Brooding too soon.

Finally, there's Ryoko Sakurai, the DRS's head scientist. She was initially hinted to be gay, what with her being all too eager to have Hibiki undress and wanting to "pop her cherry" (yes, an adult said that to a 15 year-old). However, after a certain conversation occurred, it seemed more like she was straight or at least bisexual, if all that dirty talk wasn't just teasing.

I've heard future seasons introduce more potential couples, so I'm keeping my eyes open and my yuri goggles on tight 😋

Conclusion:

I enjoyed the first season of Senki Zesshou Symphogear through and through. As someone who enjoyed Akanesasu Shoujo and Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka, I have a soft spot for shows about badass girls kicking monster ass and unleashing their inner yuri. Overall though, I think Symphogear might be my favorite of the bunch so far. It has its fair share of flaws, sure, but I think its positives outweigh the negatives by a long shot. If I got this much enjoyment out of the first season, I cannot wait to see what the following seasons have to offer!

Symphogear delivers a fun, action-packed story with colorful characters, kickass fight scenes, head-banging music and plenty of yuri content. Anyone who loves Magical Girls or Shounen battle shows needs to check it out!

Rating: 8/10

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go binge Symphogear G. See you next time, my fellow yuri lovers!

[sanfl0werrr]

the meaning of love

x | part two | part three | part four |

it's not the end, you told yourself. you've been through this so many times, but somehow, it managed to hurt you even more after countless experiences.

suck it up, you told yourself again, he's not worth the tears, but somehow, you found yourself crying endlessly in the music room at the end of the hall.

you weren't sure if he felt the same way you did, or maybe he didn't even know and he was free to chase after anyone he preferred, but regardless of the circumstances, your heart was definitely broken into pieces that day.

you closed your eyes and sighed, trying to calm yourself down. it's gonna be okay, you repeat to yourself like a chant, hoping that everything will be okay.

there was still time before the next period, so you decided to stay in the music room to distract your thoughts. at least you tried to, until a bunch of boys appeared in the doorway.

"there's someone here," one of them announced.

you immediately turned around, hoping that they didn't notice you crying in there. without exchanging any words, you literally ran out the door, wanting to find refuge elsewhere.

in the end, you saunter back into class because there were no other hidden rooms you could find. at least you were little bit distracted about finding another hidden gem in school and you can't wait till class was over.

--

the moment the clock strikes 4.30pm, you rushed out to get to your locker, stuffing all the unnecessary books inside so that you could get away fast.

unfortunately for you, your fast wasn't fast enough. the boy you liked for years came jogging to you, with a huge smile on his face. the moment your eyes met his, the resolve you made during break cracked a little. his smile was insanely contagious and you couldn't help but smile back.

"hey you," he chuckled, "didn't see you the whole day. been missing my girl."

your smiled faltered a little bit. he had this much of an effect towards you, and you hated it. you hated that you loved it so much.

"i'm sorry, i've been busy," you showed a sad smile.

"i thought your workload is gonna be lesser now that you've stepped down. how come you're even more busier?" he pouted.

"i think you're the busy one," you teased.

you could see him blushing, scratching the back of his neck. he looked so in love and all you've ever wanted was to be loved by him in that way.

this is it, you thought, the moment of truth.

"y-yeah, about that. i was wondering-"

"y/n! there you are," someone shouted, "i've been looking all over for you."

you turned behind to see mark waving over at you. you raised your brows a little. mark was waving and calling out to you? what for?

mark lee was the president of the club both of you were in, but you've never really spoken outside of the club so you were really confused at the moment. confused might even be an understatement.

"um, yes mark lee? do you need something?" you looked at him in confusion.

"uh, y-yes. sort of? i need your help and opinion on something. could you probably come to the club room in 10 minutes?" he asked.

"yeah, sure. i'll see you there," you nodded and turned to face wonwoo.

"duty calls," he gave a slight smile.

"duty calls," you repeated, feeling slightly relieved.

--

the moment you stepped into the club room, your eyes was met with 6 figures, and all of them were staring back at you.

"yikes, did i enter the wrong room?" you whispered to yourself, and went out again just to double confirm you're in the right place.

"come in!" a cheerful voice was heard.

you opened the door again, and slowly walked in, scrutinizing each and every one of them. the figures who stood before you all felt suspicious to you, and you didn't know why.

"i'm here for mark, where is he?" you squinted your eyes at them, being cautious.

"he'll be here soon. why don't you take a seat?" the tallest once offered.

you chose a seat furthest from them all, not wanting to get close. it was awkward when the person you're supposed to meet wasn't there, and instead, it was this bunch instead.

"mark told us about you," the smallest boy tried to break the awkward silence.

you looked at each one of them in suspicion, "and what did he say about me?"

"come on, y/n. stop looking at us that way. we're pretty harmless," another one voiced out.

"but all men do is lie," you raised your brows.

before anyone could say anything, the door opened and mark came into view.

he immediately looked at you, "you're here fast."

"didn't you say you needed my help on something?" you sighed.

"y-yes, that i did," he stuttered, while the rest laughed at him.

"why didn't you ask your other vice-presidents though? i mean, i'm part of the committee too, but they're literally the next in command," you questioned mark.

"well," he started off, but seeing how he couldn't answer you, this might mean one thing.

"did you lie to me?" you cut him off.

"n-no, i wasn't!" mark tried to defend himself.

you sighed. you knew he was though.

"last chance to redeem yourself. did you lie?" you emphasised once again.

1.. 2.. 3..

"okay, fine! i did! oh god, y/n. you're pretty scary when you're mad," mark huffed.

you stared at all of them, and they were all staring back at you. they were probably frightened though. you couldn't help but suddenly laughed at the image of them before you.

"and all of you here looked like a bunch of frightened kitties!" you hysterically laughed.

"y/n!" all of them shouted in unison.

--

once things settled down, and you were laughing no more, the bunch of them signalled you to join and sit with them.

"let me introduce them to you, y/n."

"don't have to. i know all of their names. renjun, jeno, haechan a.k.a donghyuck, jaemin, chenle and jisung, right?" you pointed at each one of them.

all of them nodded in unison.

"cool. so, why did you really call me out for, president lee?" you nudged him.

"um, well.. we kinda saw you crying earlier and just wanted to know if you were okay?" he answered carefully.

you stared at him, continued eating the rice cakes he bought earlier, and stared at him again. you sighed.

"uh oh, was that a bad sign?" donghyuck held his breath.

"wow, i must have looked like an idiot, running away like that!" you faked sobbed, "if i knew it was the bunch of you, i wouldn't have ran away."

"so, you're okay?" jeno peered into your face.

"back off, sunshine. you're blinding my view," you covered your eyes and laughed.

all of them laughed at the joke you've made, except jaemin. you immediately looked down and fiddled with your fingers. you technically didn't lie anyways, because you didn't really answer his question. you didn't know what to say to a bunch of acquaintances whom you've just met.

you stood up and packed your bags, "i should probably go now. thank you for asking and making sure i was okay."

"no problem! you can always hang with us," chenle offered.

"thanks cutie," you winked, "i'll think about it. i feel pressured, hanging out with the president."

"hey!" mark exclaimed.

"i feel you, y/n. i feel you," renjun fake cries.

"where do you live, anyways?" donghyuck asked.

"do you know where's the dream book cafe? i live near the housing estate there," you described the place.

"what a coincidence!" jisung exclaimed, "jaemin lives near the cafe too."

"really?" you turned to look at him.

"yeah," jeno nodded for him, "jaemin, you should take her home."

"it's not safe for a girl to go home alone," chenle whined as the rest nodded.

"no, it's okay! i feel like i'm an inconvenience," you shooked your head vigorously.

jaemin grabbed his bag and nudged you, "let's go."

"that's your cue, y/n!" renjun gave you a little push.

"well, i shall take my leave, then," you waved them goodbye.

just as you were about to leave, you could hear the rest of them mumbling and whispering.

you were busy catching up to jaemin to hear any of the tea that was being spilled in the club room.

"why was jaemin so quiet?"

"wasn't he the one who asked mark to bring her here?"

"he's usually very talkative though! i'm surprised."

"well, whatever! we've done our best here."

"i feel bad, though. he lives in the opposite direction of y/n!"

"i'm sure the boy will thank us, believe me."

[katedrakeohd]

The Lake (A)

Author's note:

**Dear Reader, if you have come across this post accidentally on your dashboard out of context I apologize. This is one of two possible endings for The Lake, so feel free to start at the beginning or totally skip this conclusion post and read something else.

If you followed the link to get here then 'keep reading' and enjoy**

--

 Kate is startled awake by the sound of her phone buzzing and the chime of a notification. Next to her Bartie is curled up into a ball and whimpering, his face is wet with tears. 

Kate sits up and pulls her drowsy two year old into her lap and kisses her on the head before reaching over to rub Bartie on his back. "What's wrong, Bartie? Why are you crying?"

Bartie wipes his tears and turns his face to peer over his shoulder at his Aunt. "I..I had an accident. And a really bad dream."

"That's ok Honey, accidents happen, and don't worry the dream is all gone now."

Bartie sits up, hugging his knees to his chest, "But the dream was so scary and it felt so real."

Kate's phone buzzes again and she glances at it, "It might help to talk about it? Make it a little less scary."

They climb out of the playcastle and Bartie looks up at Kate with wide eyes as he takes her hand, "There was a monster in my dream! A monster in the lake!"

Kate gives his hand a gentle squeeze,  rubbing the back of it with her thumb. "Oh sweety, monsters aren't real. They only put them in fairytales to make the story more interesting, and to give the hero something to do." 

She leads him to the bathroom nearby to get cleaned up. "But are you sure monsters aren't real? Uncle Max told me.."

Kate chuckles as she stops in the doorway, "Your Uncle Maxwell is a big silly guy, and likes to tell make-believe stories just for fun. Never take them seriously unless he can show you pictures to prove it."

Bartie glances up at Kate with a sheepish expression, trying to sound brave and forget the scary images in his head, "Yeah.. they're just stories. Silly Uncle Max."

Kate waits outside the closed door while Bartie gets out of his wet clothes. She smiles as she watches Brooklyn toddle over to play with her toys. Thankfully the monster talk didn't bother her.

Her phone buzzes again and she picks it up with a sigh. She's surprised to see the text is from Maxwell. 

>> Help! Our boat has sprung a leak and we're sinking! 😱

Kate shakes her head, feeling that Maxwell is being over dramatic. She responds back,

>> Oh Max, what did you do now?

She's just dropping her phone down to watch Brooklyn move onto something new to play with when her phone starts ringing. Frowning with concern, she realizes the call is from Preston, their head of security. She answers,

"Preston, what's going on?"

"There's been an incident out on the lake and we're mobilizing a rescue. Stay with the children and we'll update you when we have more details."

Kate feels her heart sink down into her stomach, realizing that Max's text was serious. "But Preston.."

He doesn't respond because he's already hung up.

"Mommy, why do you look so scared?" Brooklyn picks up her stuffed unicorn and hugs it. "What did Mr. Preston say?"

 

Kate rushes over to the window and pushes open the curtains. Through the trees she can just make out the sight of Preston in the speedboat as he exits the boat house and then disappears from view.

…

Like a few hours earlier, Kate and the children are standing in the courtyard. But this time they're watching the speedboat arrive at the dock with the three men in it. Kate feels a tremendous sense of relief at seeing both of her guys looking mostly dry. But her relief fades when she sees Maxwell and Preston help Drake get out of the boat. 

His denim shirt is in tatters and covered in rusty looking stains, and his right leg is streaked with fresh blood. He leans heavily on Preston as he limps forward, scowling at Maxwell and shoving him away. "I've had enough of your help today. Now go on you silly bastard."

Kate scoops Brooklyn up in her arms as she hears her start to cry.  She hides behind her hands and turns her face into her Mother's shoulder as she whines and sobs, "What happened to Daddy?! Why is his leg all red like that?"

Preston helps Drake over to a wooden deck chair.  He sits back and lets Preston take over first-aid as he tends to his bullet wound. Undoing his ruined shirt, he tosses it aside. The pain etched on his face is all too familiar.

Kate aches to run over to Drake to give him hugs and kisses, seeing the pain he's in, but holds back for Brooklyn's sake. She can't help the tears that burn at her eyes though as she looks between Drake and Maxwell.

"Maxwell what happened? What did you do?"

Bartie runs over to hug his uncle's legs, "I'm so glad you're okay Uncle Max."

Looking down at his feet, Maxwell mumbles, "I..brought a..pistol with me on our fishing trip."

"You did what? But why?!" Kate gasps with horror.

"For protection, right Uncle Max?" 

Bartie looks up at him and smiles as Max lays his hand on his nephew's head and looks down at him sadly, "That's right little Buddy, but I wasn't smart about it. I should have told Uncle Drake before we got into the boat."

"Ya think?" Drake grumbles and hisses as Preston wipes the blood off with an alcohol wipe and then wraps a gauze bandage around his leg.

"Protection from what?" Kate asks, getting more and more impatient at the lack of details.

"This will have to do, Your Grace. Until we can get you to the hospital." Preston insists.

Mara moves from Kate's side to stand next to Maxwell. She looks down at Bartie and then back up to Maxwell, "I'm sorry, Lord Beaumont, but I must ask your nephew to step aside."

"But why?" Bartie cries, as Maxwell kneels down to his level to give him a hug.

Maxwell looks between Drake, Preston, Kate and Mara. "They need to take me into custody, Bartie."

Bartie cries harder as Maxwell stands up again. Mara steps closer and grips him firmly by the arm and leads him away. 

"But he was just protecting Uncle Drake from the monster in the lake!" Bartie cries out indignantly, stomping his foot. "He didn't mean to shoot the wrong one!"

Kate walks over to try to console Bartie, but he backs away. "No! Uncle Max was brave, he was supposed to be the hero."

Drake sighs, shaking his head, "I'm sorry, Bartie. There was no monster, but Max was scared enough to think there was. He dropped the pistol and it went off accidentally. I got hit in the leg and the boat ended up with a hole in it too. He should've been brave enough not to take the pistol with him. Now he has to face the consequences."

Off in the distance, a siren can be heard. Bartie covers his ears, and runs back toward the manor. 

 "Kate," Drake says, waving her over to him.

Kate looks between Drake and the retreating back of her distraught nephew, she rushes over to give her husband a hug and kiss. Brooklyn wraps her little arms around his neck and hugs him too, before Kate has to pull her away. 

The flashing lights of the ambulance wash over everyone as it pulls into the yard. Drake looks between the ambulance and Preston and then nods to him. The security guard turns to Kate,

"Please go back to the manor, Your Grace. I'll go with the Duke to the hospital and report to you on his condition. He's in good hands, he'll be fine." 

Kate gives Drake one last kiss, and then carries a whimpering Brooklyn back inside. She finds Bartie sitting on the bottom step of the grand staircase, his little face in his hands, crying. When she sits down next to him he doesn't pull away as she wraps her arm around his slim shoulders. 

Through his sobs, Kate hears him ask, "Is Un..Uncle Drake...go..going to be okay?"

Kate nods, "I think so. He's been shot, stabbed and wounded many times and keeps on going. He's made of tough stuff, your Uncle."

Bartie wipes his eyes on his sleeve, "And Uncle Max?"

"Well, for now, he'll probably be kept in his room under armed guard until Preston gets back with your Uncle Drake. And then we'll contact your Uncle Liam, the King and ask his advice on what happens next."

"Real life is so much scarier than fairytales sometimes," Bartie mumbles.

Kate leans down to give him a kiss on the forehead, "That's very true, sweetheart."

...........

//So what did you think of this ending? If you're curious you can try the other. The Lake (B) Or you can go back to the original post to leave your comments. //

Thanks for reading. 😊

[youtubetheories101]

Roman Analysis

If I am going to be doing analysis of the sides why not start with the noblest Roman of them all! Let's go plebs.

We're going to analyze and sort things into 4 different categories which. They'll probably overlap like a lot but it's fine. (ihope) So the categories are going to be

Moral Alignments/Standards

Social Standing/Interactions

Personal Issues

Use/Goals for Thomas

Ready? No? Me neither but let's dive in.

Moral Alignment/Standards

Neutral Good

I debated with this and Chaotic Good a bit, however, Neutral Good fits better.

Roman would prefer to follow the law but only if the law is just and upholds to his moral standards.(kinda funny he was a judge.) He wants to help and while he can be self righteous at times and prideful, he generally tries to treat people well and uphold a standard of purity.

He may have moments of doubt such as in SvS. He was the judge because he was the one who was in the most agreement with Deciet, however he chooses what he believes is best for Thomas in the end.

Social Standing/Interactions

This one is an interesting one for Roman. He is generally respected among the other sides, however he is somewhat antagonistic. He tends to but heads with Virgil and Logan most, because of their criticisms of his optimistic attitude, and at times his input will be ignored.

His antagonism to the other sides has improved however it seems. He's genuinely making an effort to be more understanding, lessening the nicknames and trying not to judge people because they don't agree with him.

(ex: SvS "Are you seriously so close-minded to think that everything said by someone you don't like is automatically untrue?" and DWIT "Oh, shut up, Nerdy Wolverine. No! Ugh! I mean-*sighs* I'm sorry, Logan. I didn't mean that.")

Now to analyze interactions with specific sides:

Patton & Roman: A friendly interaction, mainly positive, however Roman has belittled Patton before. They do care about each other which has been shown and will often agree on matters of Romance and Dreaming. There doesn't seem to be any antagonism between the two of them besides sometimes not taking each seriously.

Roman & Logan: Friends however, they argue plenty. They can be annoying to each other, and fight over ideas over Thomas's future and what he should do. That is also, oddly enough what they agree on the most, even creating alliances against the others when arguing over it. They are both critical of each other but will support each other in some of their pursuits. They have been trying recently to understand each other and be more kind.

Virgil & Roman: They started off really rocky. Really rockily. However over the episodes they get better, and are friends now. At the beginning they mainly fought and didn't find a common ground until The Dark Side of Disney and even then it didn't really relive the tension between the two until AA. They tentively became more aware of each other, and Roman even started including him more in videos such as the Christmas episode.

Roman & Deciet: Roman and Deciet actually seem to get along fairly well. Deciet plays to Roman's sensitivities and desires, advertising to his ego I suppose. Roman even comes to Deciet's defense, probably because he's trying to be more... trusting? Less judgemental? Not sure which exactly but he's trying. They're an odd duo but they seem friendly.

Remus & Roman: They have literally interacted twice and Remus knocked him out twice. They're definitely more of Cain Instinct siblings than anything else. And from what Roman has said on Remus, he dislikes him, due to him being like a mirror image of everything he doesn't want to be. I want to see more of them because I love sibling dynamics and I want to see if they could ever be nice to each other but I don't think we will. :(

Personal Issues

Oh this is going to be fun because Roman still hasn't had his issues resolved. We've had an episode on his issues (Am I Original?) but it didn't really address what was wrong and it's ending didn't really... fix anything. Roman was still dissatisfied. And it didn't address all of them. But I think it's coming up because at this point it's been lead up to for so long that if it doesn't I will be very surprised and riot. Help! Him! So what are these issues?

Well the one addressed in An I Original was his dissatisfaction with his own work and perfectionism because he can't let Thomas down and while it was,,, handled? Sorta, it felt like it was putting a bandaid on a bullet wound. Roman still seems to be disappointed in his work and instead of well, dealing with said issue, internalizes it.

He also seems to be disappointed in... well himself and Thomas's relationship status. He's lonely, and his view of his own worth seems to... be lacking.

Examples of said thoughts:

Am I Original?

[Roman]: No! If I can't think of an original idea, what would you think of me? I can't.... let you down.

[Roman]: It's just... I only ever pushed you toward your dreams, Thomas. And I never said a bad word about you. Why don't you want to listen to me more? This whole thing could've been avoided if you did.

Moving On Part 2/2: Dealing With Breakups

[Roman]: Possibly because it reminds you of a time when you felt... worthy of someone.

Crofter's: The Musical

[Roman]: Roman, you dunce! You made a joke and now they'll think that everything is fine.

Learning New Things About Ourselves:

[Roman]: I'm sorry that everything I make isn't the Creation of Adam...

[Roman]: Earlier. I made you angry. I do that quite a bit actually... I provoked you and you retaliated with violence. (Under breath) Like a stupid caveman.(Aloud) But! I am responsible for my actions and my actions alone...So, I'm sorry

[Virgil]: You feel low.

[Roman]: That's not true!

[Patton]: It's okay!

[Roman]: Don't assume!

[Thomas]: You don't need to save face.

[Virgil]: In almost any case,

[Patton and Virgil]: We'd embrace you.

[Roman]: That's rich...

[Roman]: -sighs- It's so hard to create anything that I'm proud of when it's critiqued, so harshly... by you.

[Logan]: What?

[Roman]: Nothing ever seems to be good enough, professional enough... Serious enough for you.

Selfishness vs Selflessness:

[Deceit]: Wow, guys, it's so cool how you never listen to Roman.

[Virgil]: Why is he still here?

[Roman]: Why am I still here?

[Deceit]: Wooow.

[Virgil]: I meant Deceit!

[Roman]: The one and lonely! What? Freudian slip.

[Roman]: It's my sworn duty to help Thomas achieve his hopes and dreams.But Thomas wouldn't dream of attaining his hopes through deceitful means.

[Deceit]: Sure, and you want that stuff that makes you happy, right?!

[Patton]: Do I!

[Roman]: Do I...

Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts

[Roman]: *sighs* Yeah. It's a little like looking into a funhouse mirror, but instead of a giant head, or, like, long legs and a tiny torso, ... it shows you... everything you don't wanna be.

His self worth is... lacking in many aspects. But I don't think it's what's going to be addressed next, I think that's going to be Virgil being an ex-darkside. So hopefully it's soon but... I'm not sure. And I'm not sure if the others are noticing this issue.

Use/Goals for Thomas

He is "Good" Creativity, Ego, Dreams, Romantic aspirations, and Passion. He also is the embodiment of his femininity and masculinity at the same time? Fuck gender roles is what I'm getting from this. Of course he is still a "Manly man, a man who is Manly!" but Thomas has said he represents femininity in a Q&A. So.... fuck gender roles. That's the answer right? Probably.

What he aspires for Thomas to do is to be able to persue his dreams and goals, as evidenced with "I only ever pushed you toward your dreams, Thomas." (AIO) and "It's my sworn duty to help Thomas achieve his hopes and dreams." (SvS) Roman typically goes after this by pursuing a new role, a new romance, or encouraging Thomas to try things to expand his career. Since Thomas is an Actor/Youtuber, Roman is able to influence a lot but seems to be willing to take the side line if Thomas doesn't feel comfortable following said dreams in the way he intended.

He's a dreamer, through and through, complete with the idealization factor. He encourages Thomas to accomplish his dreams but only if Thomas is willing to do so in the way purposed. Which makes sense seeing as he is,,, Thomas.

So that is my Analysis for this week, and until next time, it's just a theory.

A SANDERS SIDES THEORY.

Thank you for reading. Peace out!

[paradoxcoronum]

ParadoxbyCoronum Twitter 8/5/2020

Rose: Update on the frozen coffee as ice cubes in my cold coffee thing. Good idea in practice, but if you like to doctor your coffee with syrups or creams, you have to keep getting up to adjust the ratio. But if you drink coffee black, you should be fine.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Huh!!

ParadoxbyCoronum: I guess that makes sense! As it melts more and more of it mixes into the coffee, offsetting the balance.

Rose: Exactly. I don't want to over-doctor my coffee, but for ease of drinking over time I might have to. Not sure how I feel about this.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Maybe make it reeeaaally strong, and then let it sit for a bit to let the ice melt??

Rose: You might be onto something there. More science is at hand. I'll try again.

ParadoxbyCoronum: :O

Rose: Also I just saw the WackyWisdomWednesday post. Are you in charge of those?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Why? Did I get something wrong??

Rose: No, not at all. I just reminded me of a study where men and women (sadly no nonbinary people) were tested to see how they react to male and female voiced AI, and how men tended to get furious when told what to do by a male voice.

Rose: I'm wondering if I can find it again.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh...

ParadoxbyCoronum: But... doesn’t that still mean that they preferred a female voice??

Rose: they do, but it's fascinating to think about how it didn't matter if the female voice said things the exact same way. Just the fact that it was a masculine voice was enough to change their opinion.

Rose: The gender aspect of it is fascinating.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh!! Yeah, I guess so!

ParadoxbyCoronum: Maybe it’s some kind of instincts thing? Or at least something they were taught?

Rose: I definitely think there's some form of sexism involved, but not sure where the origination of it comes from. Some people think it's because babies instinctively react to their mother's voice as early as in the womb, and others think its a learned behavior sort of deal.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Yknow, like if they were taught as kids to stand up for yourself or to be the head of the pack or something, then being told what to by what sounds like competition might make them angry!

Rose: That too!

ParadoxbyCoronum: Maybe it’s just who they’re used to listening to parents wise?

Rose: That's also possible. Sadly I'm not finding the original study, and every article referencing it isn't including a link. This is frustrating.

Rose: I did find a study where apparently if you spoke on the phone to an AI, via an interaction voice response system, male sounding voices were more "usable" but female sounding were more "trustworthy".

ParadoxbyCoronum: Usable??

Rose: I guess they're using "usable" as dependable. Which that alone sounds iffy to me.

Rose: Found an image from a 2019 publication but I feel like it's worth sharing?

Rose: And then we get things like this- "The late Stanford communications professor Clifford Nass, [...] wrote that people tend to perceive female voices as helping us solve our problems by ourselves, while they view male voices as authority figures who tell us the answers to our problems. We want our technology to help us, but we want to be the bosses of it, so we are more likely to opt for a female interface."

ParadoxbyCoronum: https://sheffield.ac.uk/news/nr/422-1.174743 I looked around and found this article thingy!

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh... so it’s just... engrained gender roles?

Rose: Oh, I'm going to read that article you linked for sure.

Rose: And apparently so?

ParadoxbyCoronum: So what you’re saying is that if more men were perceived as kind and caregiving and the such, then people would be less likely to see them as authorative, and then we might have more male AI?

Rose: That's at least what this study and the specialist thinks.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Huh!

Rose: I think it's really interesting. I'm sorry if I bombarded you with a lot of information.

ParadoxbyCoronum: No no, it’s fine!! It’s been a slow morning anyways!

ParadoxbyCoronum: I’ve been waiting for that person to show up again, so you keeping me company has been great!

Rose: I'm glad I can give you something to do then.

Rose: And that person? What person?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh!! Someone came through the backdoor yesterday without me realizing! And sat down in one of the offices.

ParadoxbyCoronum: When I realized they were there I kinda hid at the front desk.

Rose: That's scary! Did you ever find out who it was?

ParadoxbyCoronum: I... didn’t end up talking to them.

Rose: Were you nervous/scared?

Rose: There's nothing wrong with that if so. Being startled is totally normal

ParadoxbyCoronum: I guess I was scared? I didn’t expect them to be there and they came in unannounced!

Rose: That's totally fair. Plus what if they're like your supervisor or something? I do hope they'll introduce themselves to you soon, if only so you're not as startled next time.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Eheh... about that...

Rose: ?? What's up?

ParadoxbyCoronum: They came back today, through the front door this time.

ParadoxbyCoronum: They brought us coffee and Hashbrowns as an apology for yesterday!

Rose: Sweet, free food and coffee. An immediate positive point in my books. Did they introduce themselves? Who are they?

ParadoxbyCoronum: They said to call them Saretsky, though that’s... kind of a weird first name?

Rose: Saretsky? Maybe it's a last name.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh, maybe!!

ParadoxbyCoronum: Anywhosies, they apologized for last night, which was nice!

Rose: That is very nice of them! Do you think you will get along with them?

ParadoxbyCoronum: I hope so!!

Rose: Me too. I hope it'll make the office feel less lonely. Or well I assumed it was lonely if it was just you and Lynn.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Most of the day it’s just us!

ParadoxbyCoronum: You’d think they’d have other people here though. Unless they’re yet to come!

Rose: You did say Paradox was a new location. Maybe they're steadily hiring people?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh, maybe!!

ParadoxbyCoronum: I guess it’s possible!

Rose: Seems silly to hire people though if the location doesn't even know what they're doing though. Did you hear anything at all on what Paradox is supposed to be?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Just that we’ll “find out soon” apparently!

Rose: Hm. The anticipation is getting to me. How are you handling this?

ParadoxbyCoronum: I’m honestly trying to think about it as little as possible!

ParadoxbyCoronum: That and lots of caffeine!!

Rose: You're valid and don't let anyone make you think differently, Ray.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Thank you!!

[angstgods]

OKAY! I'm probably going to suffer for this but I'm a glutton for pain so I humbly request: one where Yuri succeeds in his suicide BUT Otabek staying with Mila and having their baby. The years go by and they're all miserable, especially Otabek. He's gotta live with the consequences of it all. Love ya and I trust you to break my heart into dust. ❤️

sorry this took for fucking ever to finish, but your wish will eventually be my command i guess lol (evidence for yuri’s date of birth found here: https://yurikobutachan.tumblr.com/timeline)

also, im so sorry i didnt update, school just started 3: updating soon! heres something to tide you over! 

A little boy with knobby knees pouted on the front steps of his house. He couldn’t have been older than seven or eight, right? Well, actually, he was almost eleven. He hated being small.

Mousey brown hair that looked reddish in the light fell into his eyes. It was getting long again, falling just past his chin. With his chin in his hand, he grumbled mean things at his bangs. He secretly liked how long his hair was, he thought it framed his face well. He knew his mother would make him cut it as soon as she noticed, he pouted even more.

“Hey kiddo.”

He gasped and pointed a little button nose up at a man standing over him, house keys in hand. He had a shock of thick, dark hair that was starting to grey right in the middle of his forehead, and dabbles of white in the scruff on his face that never seemed to go away. He wasn’t very tall, but built solidly, from the ground up like a brick wall. The boy recognized him and went right back to grumping. “Hi, Dad.”

Otabek looked around. “What’re you doing out here?” It was a nice day out, the sun was low in the trees but it was still warm enough for a t-shirt. The boy sat up like he was going to say something. After a pause, he slouched back down, pouting even harder. Just when he thought he’d been left alone, Otabek settled down next to him, feeling it in his knees. The boy stared at the pavement, pretending he didn’t exist.

“Vaska, what’s going on?” Otabek questioned, Vaska looked everywhere but in his direction. “Visaliy,” he pressed, but Vaska shuffled away. “Vasya,” Otabek softened, taking a page from Mila’s book. A peachy blush ran right over the freckles dusting Vaska’s nose. One more push. “Come on, let’s here it, Votik Kotik–” 

“Stooooop!” Vaska whined, delivering an embarrassed shove to Otabek’s shoulder. Affection, get’s him every time.  

“What’s wrong?” Otabek tried again when Vaska softened up a little. Still, he looked away, watching ants march along the ground. He huffed.

“Pavel and his friends called me a fairy because I like to dance,” Vaska explained after a lull of quiet between them. He picked at a dirty band-aid on his knee, “he said it makes me weak, but I’m not weak! Ballet is so hard, Dad.” He shook his head, puzzled. “Why doesn’t he like me?”

“Do you like him?”

“No.” Vaska grimaced. “He’s mean to girls and steps on flowers, he’s a batman villain.” Otabek had to laugh at that, letting out a little puff of amusement. “Stella said she’ll kick his ass if he talks to me again.” Otabek raised his brows.

“I have no doubt in my mind,” he agreed gravely.

Now at the tender and tumultuous age of fifteen, Stella had taken up kickboxing as a way to channel her stress. She was a happy, energetic girl, but sometimes the world weighed a little too heavily on her shoulders. When Vaska was born, she immediately took him under her wing, caring for him like a little brother. She would defend him to the end. Akari, on the other hand, was a little shy of him at first. Vaska asked her why once, she said he was too familiar. Up until then, he really thought they were all siblings, sharing similar catlike monolid eyes. His were a bright sea foam green, a little similar to Akari’s. But when she officially rejected him, he finally saw the distance between them. 

“I… like Stella,” Vaska confessed after a while, an uneasiness clouded his eyes. “She said I’m not supposed to. She think’s I’m a fairy too, doesn’t she…” 

“No way,” Otabek flat out denied. “You may be a little young for her, but it’s probably just the way she was brought up. It’s a little strange for her that boys and girls can like each other.” Vaska took this into consideration. As long as Stella didn’t think little of him, he was happy. “You know she loves you in her own way,” Otabek reassured, but Vaska already knew that.

“Sometimes Stella calls me Yuya,” Vaska spoke up, “She’ll say it, then she’ll get sad. What does that mean?”

Now Otabek was staring into the yard, Vaska looked over to find a stony look on his face. He let his Dad think for a bit, scooting over to make room while he adjusted his seat.

“Do you know how you think of her as a big sister?” he began. Vaska nodded. “She used to have someone just like that. She thought of him as a big brother, and she called him Yuya.”

“Was that his name?”

“Yuri… His name was Yuri.”

Otabek closed his eyes. When he opened them, Vaska had nuzzled in close, wiggling under his arm and offering what comfort he could without understanding why his Dad was so sad all of the sudden. He pulled Vaska into his lap, settling him in his arms and resting his chin in Vaska’s hair.

“You remind her of him,” Otabek explained softly, nostalgically, “you remind all of us of him. 

“What’s he like?” Vaska asked curiously, taking note of a strange tinge in Otabek’s voice.

“He was…” he paused, looking for the right word. “He was like a tiger.” Vaska exhaled, wondrously imagining a regal, majestic young man that may have resembled himself. “Yuri was eye-catching, you couldn’t look away. He had these eyes.” 

“What did they look like?”

“Green, just like yours.” Vaska smiled just a little. “They were powerful. They could make you forget what you’re saying right in the middle of your sentence. He could see into you, see your thoughts and your feelings. Very calculating, like a… soldier… Unforgettable.” Otabek went quiet. Vaska didn’t rush him, feeling his chest suddenly get tight behind him. Otabek sniffed. “He was elusive though, like a tiger. He didn’t trust many people. He never let them in too close. But he was so magnetic, everyone wanted to be close to him, to be chosen by him.”

“Did he choose you?” Vaska flinched, feeling something wet drip down onto his scalp. He twisted around to see what it was. Otabek’s eyes were red and watering. He offered a small apologetic smile. Vaska needed a second to take it all in, then turned around to stare at the ants.

“Yeah, he did,” Otabek replied honestly, “I met him the first time during a ballet class when I was eight. I was too scared to say anything though, he was beautiful then too. I met him again ten years later. I’d almost lost hope that I’d see him ever again, but those eyes…” He sighed, hugging his son and watching the people go by. “He was a fierce kid, Vaska. He took no prisoners, just like your mom. That’s actually around the time I met her, but…” Vaska hummed for him to continue, but Otabek shook it off and moved on with his story. “Then I found him again after Stella and Akari were born. He was a full fledged adult by then. He was an award winning figure skater, he was a principal dancer with the Mariinsky Ballet, he was on every talk show and magazine cover; everything they said about him he used to his advantage. They called him a fairy.”

“No way, really?”

“Really,” Otabek nodded, “He didn’t like it at first, but he used that and became this otherworldly, nymphlike creature. He loved Stella and Akari more than I’d ever seen him love anything else. Even the ice. He was… he was…”

“Dad?” Vaska questioned. Otabek was holding his breath, letting tears fall from his eyes. His nose was red, but he wouldn’t cry. If he started he wouldn’t stop and Vaska didn’t deserve that. “Dad,” Vaska had been saying for a few long moments, “did you… did you like him? Like… Did you like him?” He let go of the breath and nodded. “Did he like you too?”

“I think so… or he did at one time.”

“What happened to him?” Vaska asked slowly. A fresh flow of tears fell from his Dad’s eyes.

“I was with him when your Mom found out she was pregnant with you,” he said. A small smile lightened up his face. “He wanted to name you Charybdis.”

“What does that mean?” Vaska smiled in interest. It was from a book that was a little over his head. He would be able to read it soon, probably in school. “I like it!” he said, “what else happened?”

“Well,” Otabek tried to stay at least a little positive, but his facade was slipping, “Yuri and I knew that it was time for us to go our separate ways. We were both sad about that, but… But Yuri was very sad. And I wasn’t there to tell him it would be okay… What do we say about feeling very sad, Vaska?”

“Tell someone?” Vaska responded automatically. It didn’t quite make sense why his parents had taught him that until right this very second. The sun went behind a cloud. 

“Yuri didn’t tell anyone he was so sad. He was all by himself and,” Otabek cut himself off, taking a few breaths to collect himself, “he decided he didn’t want to live anymore.” Vaska gasped, a tear rolled down his cheek. “It was peaceful,” Otabek reassured, “he fell asleep and didn’t wake up.” Vaska stared at the steps they sat on, watching his tears hit the cement. “That’s why Akari stays in her room when we come over. It’s not your fault, she just loved him very much and now he’s gone. It’s hard to think he’s never coming back.”

“I’m really sorry, Dad,” Vaska’s hair fell into his eyes, and in that moment he was Yuri’s spitting image. Otabek’s heart skipped a beat. He barely registered Vaska saying, “I got between you. Maybe… Maybe it would be different if–”

“No. Stop that– Vaska, look at me.” He resisted, stubbornly squirming but eventually he complied. “You– Vaska, you’re a miracle. Your Mom and I, you’re what we’ve always wanted. We tried for years to have a baby, we thought it was too late, but here you are. You’re my son and I love you more than anything. I wouldn’t trade you for the world.”

“Do you love Yuri?” Thrown for a loop, Otabek’s words stuck in his throat. “Why haven’t you told me about him before? Is it because you love him and he died?” Otabek opened his mouth then closed it back up, starting and stopping until his thoughts straightened out. His son watched him, knowing where all the cracks where that would give away his true emotions. Only one other person had been able to figure him out like that.

“Yes, I do,” he finally settled, “we didn’t tell you about him because he meant a lot to me and our friends. It’s very hard for us to talk about and we all just decided one day to never talk about him. It’s easier for us to move on.” Vaska wasn’t all the way satisfied with that answer, but it sated him for now. “Yuri was just as excited to meet you as I was. He was ready to love you as much as he loved Stella and Akari. When he died, I promised him I’d love you as much as both of us combined. I miss him every day, but I’m so glad I have you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“I love you too, Daddy,” Vaska replied softly, a genuine response when he wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. He let Otabek smooth the hair out of his eyes, slicking it back and kissing him right on the crown of his head. Vaska turned pink. “You can’t forget him,” he said, “not talking about him means you’re forgetting him little by little. You have to talk or the memories won’t keep. Tell me one thing about him every day.” Otabek could agree that that seemed fair. If no one else wanted to talk about Yuri, Vaska was more than happy to lend an ear. “And, and,” he wasn’t finished yet. “Let’s visit him. Let’s go before Mom gets home.

Like the wind had been knocked out of his lungs, Otabek went rigid for a second, slowly relaxing. No one had ever wanted to visit him. “Okay, Vaska,” Otabek found himself saying. “Let’s go see him.”

…

Wandering through a peaceful cemetery, Vaska scanned for names and faces that jumped out at him. Otabek lagged behind while he ran ahead. Under a cherry tree lived a white marble headstone dusted in pink petals. A pensive face, lovely and sad, was carved into the center, framed in gold filigree.

Yurochka Nikolaevich Plisetsky. March 1st, 1999 -  November 22nd - 2019

“So young…” Vaska mused to himself. He straightened up, squaring his shoulders. “Yuri.” he said, “I’m Visaliy Altin. I’m– What did he call you?” Otabek looked down, realizing that that question was for him. “You call him Yuri, did he call you something?”

“Beka,” he admitted softly. “I called him Yura.”  

“Beka’s my Dad,” Vaska’s chest puffed out, “and you can call me Vaska.” Otabek smiled and squeezed his son’s shoulders, proud to the ends of the earth. “I’ll be eleven soon. My birthday’s in August. I’m training to be a dancer with Madam Baranovskaya, just like you. She says hi, probably, I haven’t talked to her about you. Dad says I remind everyone of you sometimes. Especially Stella. Her hair is long and blonde now, I think it’s really pretty…”

Vaska told long stories about school, his best friend Dima, and his first visit to Kazakhstan when he was five. He thought pointing his toes was easier than the rest of his classmates did. He must be gifted. He’d asked his Mom if they could get a cat and she said no, what she didn’t know was that the cat wasn’t for him. After Ume died, Akari was very sad. He wanted to bring her a new sphinx as a peace offering. It was easy for Vaska to talk to the gravestone that represented a man he’d never met before, easier than it was to talk to Mila.

“My Dad still loves you very much,” Vaska concluded, “he thinks about you every day. And I know you love him too.” Having plopped down in the grass to rest his head against the marble, he stood up. Vaska shrank just a little bit, getting a good look at what this was doing to his Dad. 

Standing a few steps behind him, Otabek did his best not to make a sound, but tears bored from his eyes. His face was red from holding his breath. He didn’t want to take this away from Vaska, he seemed like he needed to pour himself out. But just standing here, seeing his son– so like Yuri in so many ways– chatting with his headstone like they were old friends, it was hard to watch. Yuri was so many things; he was stubborn and moody, sweet and intelligent, headstrong and cocksure, and so so caring. He’d been all over the world, seen everything there was to see. He was such a complicated, multifaceted person, and here he was, boiled down to a name and a date like it never happened. He never truly existed. It was wrong, it was offensive.

Vaska peered up at him, snub nose turned up like a little piggy. His hair fell into his eyes.

“Ready, kiddo?” he smiled through sharp pangs of guilt and sorrow. Vaska nodded. Otabek held out his hand. “Let’s go.” Vaska walked right past the hand, throwing his arms around Otabek’s waist. They stayed like that for a while, Vaska pressed his face into Otabek’s chest, warming his heart with as much love as he could muster. It was hard for him to be here, Vaska knew that. He was so grateful that his Dad shared a part of himself that he normally tried to hide. It brought them even closer together.

…

The door opened with a squeak and a little body wiggled in through the opening, darting into the living room. Sitting in an armchair with a cold, black aura surrounding her, Mila sipped something clear out of a rocks glass and numbly watched her son cross the living room in search of her.

“Mom!” he exclaimed when he finally saw her. Taking six of the ten steps it took to approach, he was smiling until he noticed the mood around him start to sink. He slowed to a cautious gate. “Mom…?”

“Where have you been?” she interrogated monotonously. Vaska stopped just shy of her reach.

“Mom, you’ve been drink–”

“Answer the question.” Otabek closed the front door. He didn’t move into the living room. He listened intently.

“W-We… Dad was telling me about Yuri,” Mila’s eyes widened, “so we went to go see him.” Mila sat up in her chair, unblinking as she set her glass down. “Mom, I–”

“Go to your room.” Vaska nearly jumped out of his skin. “Now, Visaliy.” He skittered away. When his bedroom door closed, Mila settled back into her chair and tossed back the rest of her cup.

From the front door, Otabek heard her calmly call his name. Gritting his teeth, he ventured into the living room where it was ten degrees colder just with her in it. All his muscles were tense, sensing an oncoming fight. She watched him approach and plant his feet on the opposite side of the living room. 

“You took my son to the cemetery?” she asked slowly, enunciating all of her words.

“He’s my son too. He asked me to go and I said yes.”

“You listened to a ten year old boy?” 

“He’s right, Mila,” Otabek raised his voice just a notch, careful to hide his words from Vaska’s prying ears. “Every day I avoid talking about him, I’m forgetting him little by little. Yuri was–”

“Don’t you dare say that name in my house,” she hissed through her teeth. Otabek was silent, still like a statue. “You promised me. You promised me you wouldn’t do this.” She moved to stand, suddenly feeling dizzy and falling back into her chair. She squeezed her eyes closed with a groan. When she opened them back up, her glass was half full and Otabek was in the kitchen looking for whiskey. “Are you going to lose your fucking mind again?” she spat. Otabek sighed. “I’ll take him. You’ll never see us again.”

“Then go,” he whirled around, squeezing a glass of his own, “go to Italy if you think that’ll make you happy. But he stays with me.”

“No,” she denied, shooting up from her chair. “You didn’t even want him, Otabek.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes it is!” she countered, “if I hadn’t gotten pregnant, you’d be off somewhere with Yuri sucking each other off like a couple of teenagers.”

“Leave him out of this,” he all but growled, but Mila was unimpressed.

“Why? Everything that happened is his fault.”

“I mean it, Mila.”

“Oh my god!” She threw her hands up. “You still don’t fucking love me over a rotting old corpse? It’s been twelve years, there’s probably nothing even down there.” She gasped, startled by the glass in Otabek’s hand exploding in his grasp. He swore and turned into the kitchen to clean up ice, whiskey, and broken glass. He was bleeding. “You’re not gonna do anything,” Mila shook her head, but her heart was beating out of her chest. “You can’t blame me, or Vaska, you can only blame yourself.” Otabek barely looked at her. “What does Katrine say?” she asked with her arms crossed. Otabek was quiet. “What does she say?” Mila repeated herself.

“I stopped seeing her.”

“Oh god… Goddammit, Otabek!”

“If I can’t even talk about him, the dreams are all I have left of–”

“Having sex dreams about a dead body is all you–”

“They’re not sex dreams, they’re morning after dreams, and you’d know that if you’d fucking listen to me!” He realized he was shouting after it was too late. In the silence, Otabek and Mila listened to their son’s confused weeping from his bedroom. He was in there alone, listening to his parents fight, thinking that he’d somehow caused this. Otabek took a few calming breaths for the sake of their son and tried to put his family back together. “You’re my wife, Mila, I should be able to tell you these things.” She scoffed. “You should be able to talk to me too, we haven’t spoken in ages.”

“You wanna talk? Fine, let’s talk.” Otabek took a breath. Before he could let it go, Mila hissed, “I don’t love you either. Why are we even trying if all we do is make each other miserable? Listen to what it’s doing to Vaska!” In his room, Vaska’s crying was getting softer and softer. He was falling asleep. “Yuri is dead,” Mila deadpanned, sitting back in her chair and reaching for her glass. “Maybe you should be too. You’d be happier, right? You’d rather be dead than be here with me?” She rolled her eyes. “Maybe we should all be dead… You, me, V–”

“Vaska!” Charging down the hall, Otabek blew through the door to his son’s bedroom, startling him awake. His cheeks were streaked with tears, eyes puffy and raw. The first thing Otabek did was drop to his knees and pull his boy into his arms, hugging him tight. “Let’s go, buddy. We’ll come back in the morning and get your things for school.” Too tired to walk, Vaska opened his mouth to whine, but Dad was already bending to pick him up. He was too big to carry, but special circumstances called for special privileges. 

“Where are we going?”

“Go get in the car, everything’s fine.”

Otabek took Vaska with him to stay with Victor and Yuuri. It was late by the time they arrived, but Yuuri was expecting them. Stella, who’d been brushing her teeth when they announced their arrival to the house, grabbed Vaska by the arm and pulled him into bed with her, lending him something to sleep in and tucking him in next to her. Otabek took the living room couch, having to fight a small bear to get to it. Even then, Egor tried to sleep on top of him once or twice. But sleep eventually found him and Otabek found himself in the same dream.  

“Beka… Beka…  Wake up!” Otabek’s vision sharpened, and two green eyes were smiling down at him. Long blonde hair tickled his skin. Straddling Otabek’s waist, Yuri peeked out from under the sheets. The sun reflected off his bare chest, filtering in through the windows of his bedroom. Without even thinking, Otabek pulled him down and kissed him all over his face, ending with a slow meaningful peck at his lips. “Good morning to you too,” Yuri joked, falling into an even slower, terribly reverent, almost apologetic kiss that he accepted but didn’t quite understand. “What’s wrong?” he asked when it was over.

“Nothing,” Otabek avoided with a sad sigh. Yuri didn’t press him, hoping a nuzzle and a kiss in the middle of his forehead would make it a little better.  

“So,” he changed the subject when it seemed like they didn’t need to delve any deeper. “If not Charybdis, it should be something else badass.” Sliding down Otabek’s chest, Yuri’s face came to rest in his hands. Otabek could feel his breath on his face. “That that one chick. From Game of Thrones. Arya? That’s sorta Russian.” Yuri shrugged his shoulders.

“What about Visaliy?” Otabek suggested thoughtfully, knowingly. “I have a feeling it’s gonna be a boy. It’s weird, but he kinda looks like you.” Yuri raised a confused brow. “In my head.” 

Yuri took the name under careful consideration, resting his chin in the dip between Otabek’s collar bones. “Hm… Yeah… Okay, I like it. Only if we call him Vaska,” Otabek agreed with a pleased smile, “especially if it embarrasses him.”

“Sounds perfect.”

Yuri sighed, drawing lazy patterns all over Otabek’s chest, watching it rise and fall. A hand made its way into his hair and Yuri purred happily. Otabek swept rogue strands of gold out of his face, out of the way of those eyes peering into him. 

“I wanna stay like this forever,” Yuri mused wistfully.  

“You have no idea how much I feel the same… I love you, Yuri. I don’t tell you that enough.”

“I love you too,” Yuri smiled, “even if you are a cringey bastard.”