#i've already spent the better part of three and a half hours on this post lmao

[kenzan-kiwami]

i ought to get better at writing down my thoughts so i actually remember them. anyway, it's kashiwagi time again. strap yourselves in cause this is going to be very long & punctuated with discord screenshots

i've discovered recently that people seem to like it when i lay my thoughts out on him, which is honestly wild to me but here we are. like i say, i'd like to put my ideas somewhere i can actually access them somewhat easily instead of peppered randomly through two or three discord threads and my own tumblr tags, so this post will probably function as my own personal meta archive for him, because i'm allergic to tables and spreadsheets and i don't really want to rely on google drive any more than i am already.

(speaking of google drive, i have a repository here of most of kashiwagi's audio files. refer to the readme document for the reasons it's not all of them for now)

>the basics?

i'll start with his age because that's at the forefront of my mind at the moment. i like to think he's in the ballpark of 10 years older than kiryu and nishiki, which would put him around six years older than majima, two years older than adachi, and 13 years younger than kazama. thusly, with a calculated birth date of around 1958, discounting birth month, he is (approximately):

30 in yakuza 0 (1988)

37 at the start of yakuza 1 (1995)

47 through the rest of yakuza 1, after kiryu gets out on parole (2005)

48 in yakuza 2 (2006)

51 in yakuza 3/when he "dies" (2009) (also goes grey around this time, maybe the year before)

61 in yakuza: like a dragon & gaiden (2019)

66-ish in rgg8 (2024).

(this list has been incredibly helpful to me actually because my original thought was that he was eight years older than the boys... that would put him at the same age as adachi, which i'm not a huge fan of)

next up, sexuality - i think he's (almost) exclusively attracted to other men, with yayoi being an exception that proves the rule.

however, my idealised "ship" "timeline" for him is that he's with kazama until kazama gets naded, then does some FWB shit with majima until he himself "dies", then somewhere down the line after opening the bar ends up in a slow-burning "friend"ship with adachi, because who better to take out for dinner than the strapping old geezer in the glasses who serves you drinks and keeps a watchful eye on your extensive tab?

next, i think he's definitely nd. which is something you can say for most characters in this series in some way, but he has an interesting relationship with food (not just limited to what he eats, but how), is shown infodumping on several occasions, hardly if ever switches up what he wears (at most, colours), flat affect/resting bitch face/autism stare, hires extra staff at his hobby bar so that he doesn't have to speak to his customers as much, and behind his intimidating mask he has this awkward kind of energy that reminds me a lot of my own experiences with being a bit not-normal. he probably has an oral fixation.

also, sort of crack but also not, i enjoy the idea that he's light sensitive (or at least moreso than kiryu is):

>the meat

he is very highly strung - we see this on multiple occasions. he seems visibly less so after "dying" in 2009, so i'm chalking it up to the stress of having to run things as someone who has the right mentality for leadership (the other patriarchs call him "soft" in y3 for trying to resolve conflicts rather than fostering them) but just doesn't enjoy doing it. he does exceptionally well as kazama's number two, but in yakuza 0 while kazama is in jail, and in yakuza 2 after kazama dies and he inherits the family (and clan captainship), he seems very stressed out. i absolutely think that his reputation for lashing out and his "violent" disciplinary methods are due in part to stress shortening his fuse (with the latter also being learned behaviours from kazama - an old school yakuza & assassin). age and the experience of staring death and a CIA attack helicopter in the face also definitely play a part in mellowing him out.

on kazama, i'm shamelessly stealing inoue's reasons for joining the shinsengumi and applying that to kashiwagi, because, while i don't really think of them as the same guy, there is absolutely a reason they chose him specifically as inoue's bakumatsu face claim. i don't have many ideas as to what kashiwagi did before swearing up, but he's a man of debts and undying loyalty, so i believe kazama must have saved him or turned his life around in such a way that he felt he could do nothing but pledge himself to him. i also really enjoy the idea of kazama having given him his scar, but i'm not 100% on how that might have come around either.

to extrapolate even more bullshit headcanon from insignificant canon details, i think in the 80s he was a beginner hobbyist keyboard player. mostly looking at the judgement cinematic where he's not plugged in and playing a little out of sync BUT still doing whatever fucked up fruity little dance he's doing. the presence of the piano at survive makes me think he got a hell of a lot more into it in his newfound free time, as something else to keep his hands mobile as he ages and recovers from getting shot up by a heli. also, still love the little anecdote we get from iroha when she says he's good with his hands.

(related: i think he taught himself to blend traditional medicine for residual chronic pain relief)

>weirdguy momence

in a one-to-one phone conversation with kiryu, his younger brother figure, he calls daigo (with whom he is on a given name basis) 六代目

that moment near the start of y0 where he stares down at kiryu on the street from the family office window

i don't think any of his suits were fitted correctly until kiwami 2 because his jackets ENGLULF him on PS2 & PS3 and he's straight up rectangular in kiwami

fills an empty bottle of high-end whisky with pish to make his bar look more expensive and comes up with an elaborate cover story to stop people from buying it

the way he acts towards his direct authority figures

>i'm ill

using up the last of my image real estate to post some moments where i kind of maybe lost it just a little bit. by my own standards, of course.

[jaymoriartys-thunderboltspage]

@talia-alvarez suggested Antonia Dreykov be the victim, and I agree. She'll be the one to die. But also, she doesn't have a lot of personality in either of the movies she appears in, so I'll be making some things up in that regard. Be prepared for out of character things, possibly for all involved characters. I've never really written any of them before.

I am thinking of having Bob be gender fluid or at least exploring gender. Okay, I'm not thinking about it, I'm 100% doing it.

I think the fic will also be called All of Us are Lying, because it's very very heavily influenced and inspired by One of Us is Lying by Karen M McManus

A snippet of the fic :)

October 1st

Ava Starr;

My school attendance has been spotty for a long time. It's not my fault, and I don't deserve detention for it. But apparently if you miss Chemistry lab four times in a row, that means detention on a Wednesday afternoon. It's not like I have anything better to do. Mr. Jamison is an asshole, but you get what you deserve right? The bloody frustrating part is that this time it wasn’t my fault I was late. A couple of the guys from the football team had gotten into a fight in the hallway. I didn’t get involved, but it still made me late.

So at three oh five I made my way back to Jamison’s chem lab for detention. Two students were already sitting in the room; one I expected, and one I didn’t. John Walker, captain of the football team, had never had detention as far as I knew. Bob Reynolds spent more time here than at home as far as I could tell. Walker had the beginnings of a black eye and his shirt was speckled with blood. He must have been one of the boys caught in the fight earlier. Makes sense for an asshole like him.

Walker was sitting with his arms crossed over his chest, like he was too good to be here. He probably thought he was too good for detention. Or maybe he was missing football practice and that’s what was annoying him. Reynolds was doodling absently in a notebook. I sat on Reynolds’s other side, since I have no interest in interacting with Walker in any way. As I pulled out my English homework, two more students walked in. One of which I hated more than Walker. Antonia Dreykov. The school’s gossip mill. Only she uses gossip like a knife. Sharp and deadly. I’ve seen her ruin lives with a couple of lines of text posted to a website called School Happenings. I try to avoid the website in general, but word still gets around. Dreykov is vicious with what she writes. I’ve never been featured in one of her gossip articles but there’s plenty about me she could learn, which is why I avoid her as much as possible. I think the only student in the room that she’s written about is Reynolds. The post was really stupid. A whole page worth of dissecting Reynolds’s gender presentation. He wore a skirt once and she made a whole thing of it. Speculating about Reynolds’s gender and why he’d choose to wear a skirt, like it was this dirty lie she’d caught him in.

The other student, Yelena Belova, didn’t look pleased to be here either. Wonder what she would have done to get detention. Belova sat in front of me, while Dreykov sat in front of Reynolds. Reynolds looked almost terrified.

“Take out your homework. You’re here until four-thirty. Might as well make use of your time,” Jamison said, not looking up from his computer. I suppose he planned to ignore us for the next hour and a half.

I opened The Great Gatsby to read the chapter for tomorrow.

“Good to see you in pants again Bobby,” Dreykov murmured, loud enough that we could all hear it.

Reynolds flinched. “Can you just leave me alone?”

“What’s the matter Bobby, don’t want to feel pretty anymore?” Dreykov’s smile felt like trying to stare down a lion. Or more likely a snake.

“Would y’all fuck off about that? Who cares?” Walker snapped. I’m glad he stepped in because I wasn’t about to get in Dreykov’s way. But John Walker is Mr. Perfect, He Who Can Do No Wrong. There can’t be anything to dig up on him. But the rest of us? Well, there’s gotta be something worth Dreykov’s time.

“Tell me Johnny,” Dreykov smirked. “How was spring break?”

“Nobody calls me Johnny,” is Walker’s cold response. But I don’t miss how he flinches at the mention of spring break.

“Really?” Reynolds sounds surprised. Like he expected Walker to be called Johnny all the time. “Not even Olivia?”

Walker shook his head. “Olivia never called me anything but John.”

Called, past tense. Did they break up? I hate to admit it, but I don’t know the answer. Dreykov never published anything about a break up between John and Olivia. Unfortunately, she’s our most reliable source of information. If she didn’t write about it, it didn’t happen.

“Homework, you five,” Jamison cut in.

[lucigraves]

I'm poor; I've lived on or under the poverty line my whole life, though I've been lucky to always have a roof over my head and food on the table. I try my hardest to find joy in small things as I navigate managing finances and debts.

I buy myself a $3 drink in the morning so I don't want to kill myself by noon. I get a text from my dental office; my insurance covered less than they projected and now I owe an extra $100+. This is not the first nor the last time this will happen, nonetheless, I suddenly feel very guilty about the $3 drink. For the rest of the day I think about what better things that $3 could have gone toward, I think about every $5 or $10 I spent on something frivolous in the last few years, convinced thar if I had been better with my money I wouldn't be in such debt.

I go to therapy; I know what real self care looks like, but I work 40 hours a week, drive an hour and a half round trip every day. On that drive I see 25+ billboards covering up the trees starting to turn golden. I think about how much it costs for that LED billboard to stay on 24/7. When I do have time to get out of the house, I end up trapped inside catching up on all of the chores I have no time to do before or after work.

Taking part in social media makes me feel guilty. Every word I type out is getting filtered through some AI I can't opt out of, trying to figure out what the trending words and phrases are, what products I need; how to advertise to me.

I talk about needing a new mattress to my friend. All of my ads are now from local mattress stores. I have all personalized ad settings turned off in every app and yet I can't have even one irl conversation without the 10 devices in my home listening to me, waiting to hear me say the name of a product so it can be the next thing I see on a screen.

I've cleared all three of my emails recently, going from 100k+ emails down to nothing in an effort to try to minimize my (comparatively) very small carbon footprint, and so I can keep better track of important documents. I mark emails from any corporation as spam. A week later I already have 2k emails back in my inbox, all from places I just spent hours blacklisting. But the whole store is 50% off and it ends today! I filter the company name through the searchbar so I can delete them all. I notice that the whole store has been 50% off and ends that very day for at least the last year and a half. I wonder how much energy is wasted on some bot sending the same promo email to every person on their list three times per day.

I download a game onto my phone, knowing the truth but still hoping that this one won't be flooded with ads in between every level. I'm quickly disappointed, immediately met with a 30 second long wait to be able to hit the x in the corner that's about 3 pixels across. Another 15 second ad for the same app pops up, this one with an "immediate download" button. Several new games I've never seen show up on my phone the next time I go to my apps; I wonder what else ended up on my phone without my knowledge. I try to download an app for work a while later, but this time I have to prove its me with an authentication code sent to my phone and one to my email. Nothing else on the app store seems to work as quickly as those ads with an faux 'x' and immediate download button.

I find time in between everything else and I start making art again. I open up my account as I contemplate posting something new. It prompts me to accept their new terms and conditions; I either have to give them permission to use my art and my content to train AI to do what I spent years trying to find inspiration for again, or never use the site. I could use another site but curating an audience just isn't something I have time for. I'm trained to judge my art's worth on how many clicks it has; I decide to post it to my private account for just 5 close friends to see.

I spend all of my freetime scrolling; that's what I've been conditioned to do. There's not enough time in the day so the dopamine I need has to come quickly and conveniently. The next post I see is from people literally dying, people begging for help, for any humanity, for laws to be passed that will give them rights and help them survive. I wonder how much money the next politician will spend on their campaign efforts. There's an ad underneath for a gambling app.

I hear about a CEO who was killed - the media wants so badly for me to feel bad; he had a loving family and friends. I think about that $3 drink I felt guilty about a few months earlier because my insurance denied coverage yet again, or how many nights I've laid awake, anxious about all of the debt I have, or if I'll be able to go to the grocery store this week, or if my rent will be late again, or, or, or. I think, he had a good life, he probably lived well beyond his means. He had food on the table every night, and probably never experienced the fear of not having a place to sleep for the night.

I buy myself a $3 drink; I don't feel bad.

[blazehedgehog]

ICYMI: My Sonic Frontiers Criticism/Essay Is Out Now

So here's the last four months of my life come to fruition: the longest piece of edited criticism I've ever put on my Youtube channel, clocking in at just over an hour. For those of you that may be new around here, I am pretty against making long videos. I don't know if I overthink things too much or what, but it's rare for me to have much tolerance for feature-length reviews of things. They can wear me out just watching them, and it definitely wears me out to make them.

But sometimes you just have a lot to say. And I didn't even necessarily say everything I could have said here; there were things I would have added if not for the looming deadline proposed by the video sponsor. That's not a complaint -- sometimes you need someone else to tell you "be done by this date or else." Limitations foster creativity and toiling away at perfection can sometimes be just as toxic as crunch.

What I was trying to say is it's a big video, and it was hard keeping everything straight in my head because there was so much. One of those times where I was glad how I planned things out in advance, because sometimes the thoughts you had four months ago are not the same thoughts you have today, and the thoughts from four months ago were better.

It's already proving to be a bit of a divisive video, given I am going against the grain here. But I'm a big boy. I've spent time on the front lines of these sorts of things before. I know how to handle myself. I mean, half the reason I started my tumblr back in the day was pointing out some of the truly deranged takes I'd get in the replies to my Sonic 06 video.

Though I do worry. I'm getting a lot of people who are... politely declining to tell me what they think. More than a few "I don't agree with you, but I'm glad you released this video" that then never elaborate further. And that makes me feel bad? But why? Do I want to argue with my friends? Not particularly.

But more to the point, are people afraid to argue with me? Do I get too aggressive? I've picked up on a vibe, not just from friends, where people seem to go out of their way to avoid arguments with and/or around me. I mean I literally just said I started my Tumblr blog as a "get a load of this guy in my comments" spotlight (which, for the record, I don't do anymore). I don't want to be scary. But is it scary, or is it a strength? Or am I just imagining the whole thing? History says it's probably that last one, but it doesn't stop me from wondering. It's a lot to chew on.

At the end of the day, I do think parts of this script could have been better. I do kind of get a little mean at a couple points in ways I could have written around. A lot of people are bristling at the opening spiel, where I get more than a little "you people" about the Game Awards voting situation. There's another part later in the video where I also feature actual comments from a previous video and as I was editing it together I thought, "this sounds mean." But given I was less than 24 hours away from that deadline, I just had to roll with it (so I at least blurred the names and cropped the avatars out).

I'll end this post by quoting what I wrote on Patreon day before yesterday for the early access version of this video:

What a march this has been. I've worked on some videos that felt like they took forever, but nothing like this. This felt like the project that would never end. Some of that's because, after pushing myself so hard on the Sonic Adventure 2 video, I tried to be a little more casual with this one. I think I started the script around the end of April, a couple weeks after finishing the game on-stream. The idea was to avoid burnout.  And then the script grew, and grew, and grew, to be the longest script I've ever written. After doing voice over, I had three hours of material I had to cut down. I captured more than 60 hours of gameplay from more than 50 games. Thank goodness I took the time to stop and "storyboard" out this review like I did with the SA2 video. It actually proved to be extremely valuable here -- with a video this long, that takes so long to put together, it's hard to keep all of your ideas hot and ready in your head. Often I'd fall back to the storyboard and realize I planned something months ago that was way better than what I was doing in the moment.  And then in July, a sponsor came calling again. Suddenly I had a real deadline. The last four weeks have been a race to move this mountain of material into something resembling the shape of a video. The last couple days in particular have felt something like a miracle. A work ethic I hadn't tapped into in years suddenly roared to life as I locked down 20+ minutes of video in a matter of hours. It may have involved several actual panic attacks and me running on about four hours of sleep, but here we are. I was revising the script all the way up until a week ago. In retrospect, the sponsor segment probably leans a little too much on SAGE content, but by the time I realized that the train was barreling down the tracks too fast to stop. Thoughts for next time, I guess.

Patrons get a PDF of the script I used, including an unfinished earlier draft I abandoned where I think I was actually even meaner about it, if you can believe it. They also get a PDF of what my "storyboarding" process looks like (which is all just text).

I'll probably toss up a post for all the art I made for this video, too.

[lupine-princess]

PSA

I am in the process of writing my first ever fan fiction. I have been a reader only for many years, but I finally listened to the encouragement the wonderful and esteemed @kittenofdoomage gave me at least a year or two ago now. Yeah, I know...it took that long for me overcome my own self doubt and silence the little demon in my brain that says mean things all the time, but I never forgot the lovely human above telling me to go for it.

While I am enjoying writing again (I've written for years but never really shared any of my work that wasn't for a class), I am finding myself having much more respect for writers than I already had and it was a LOT I swear. Just today I have spent an hour and a half on this story and the plot has moved forward...none. I've written quite a bit, but Main Female will *not* stop drooling over Main Male. Last night I stopped right after she firat saw him and her brain started functioning again. The story now just finished her reacting to him speaking for the first time. It took me an hour and a half to get here y'all! I mean girl, same, but this was *supposed* to be a one shot of maybe a couple thousand words. You know, just dipping my toes into writing again? This thing is now 10 pages long...I clearly underestimated a *lot*.

That's not to say there's not actual story happening, there is. But I'm a little freaked out by this and frustrated at the same time. Its a song fic, too so...given I'm telling the story of the song, it should have been easy-ish. Or easier than coming up with a story completely on my own right? Not. At. All! (And please note I'm not saying writing of any kind is easy, I just seem do better personally when I have something like a mental road map. Not everyone feels that way and that is totally fair and valid.)

Thing is, I shouldn't be surprised...this is a rabid plot bunny that has been tormenting me for *years.* The thing makes this thing ⬇

look like the very height of sweet and cute and cuddly. If I actually thought it would be quick or easy in any way, I clearly wasn't paying attention...

Anyway, I am going to be posting this thing in three parts on AO3 at the very least. On here, it might all be in one long post, because frankly, I have no idea how to do any of this or how complicated it will be. I'm really hoping someone will read it and give feedback, good or bad (constructive only if bad please), so I know what to work on. I really want to get back into writing again, so hopefully this will help?

I'm going to tag a few people when I post this thing (hopefully that's okay with them), because I follow them, love their work, and respect their opinions as writers. Anyone I follow that I don't tag, its not because I don't absolutely adore them, its because I can only summon so much bravery and that means that not everyone will get tagged that I would love to, unless they give me permission.

I'll go ahead a tag a couple of people so if they want to give or refuse permission, they can do that. Thanks in advance to everyone!

@kittenofdoomage @holylulusworld @impala-dreamer @jay-and-dean

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part VI

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, mention of blackmail, all characters are adults.

Words: 1567.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

________

You spent the rest of your evening like a somnambulist, barely able to concentrate on your projects before you went to bed, barely finishing half of the things you planned for today. Even the change of locks didn't make you as happy as you thought it would. It felt like something between a dream and a nightmare.

Lying in the dark, you stared at the ceiling, thinking of what happened just a couple of hours ago. Why did he do it? Was it just out of habit and didn’t mean anything? Naturally, with his appearance and easy-going attitude, he probably dated many girls and didn’t think much before kissing someone he liked.

Remembering the way he talked to you in the morning, you thought he must have pretended to be shy around you. Thor certainly wasn’t sheepish.

Was it all a sham? Was Loki right about all of them, playing their roles to get close to you? You couldn’t forget the way Thor looked the moment he told you about being smart. It was like something switched inside him, and for a second you saw the real Thor who was far from being your simple, good-natured athlete.

Why did you keep thinking about that stupid kiss even after seeing the man could be dangerous?

Aroused and angry, you tossed and turned until you fell asleep.

____________

Waking up was especially tough, despite the fact you didn't really do much yesterday, meaning you were going to spend your weekend studying. Shoot, and that's when you planned to visit that new chocolate boutique in the city. Maybe you could still make it if you spent more time studying today?

But then again, going to the city alone might be a bad idea. Even if the guys who stole your things were beaten, it didn't mean it had always been the same people following you. The school was full of weirdos, in the end. What if somebody went after you? Steve would definitely say you had to bring one of your guards with you.

Damn. It was better staying in the dorm then.

"Good morning! Are you ready?" Peter's voice broke through the silence, and you flinched, hurriedly applying some lipstick because you didn't have enough time to put your makeup properly.

Well, at least you were fully dressed.

"Just give me a second!" Picking up your bag, you put your shoes on and opened the door, looking at a young guy who's face was lit up like a Christmas tree. "Hi!"

He definitely liked what he saw, and you felt your cheeks growing hot from embarrassment. From the very start of the semester Peter acted very sweet around you, and you thought you could be friends with him. He wouldn't do something as ugly as blackmailing, would he? Thor said it too. Clearly, Steve was exaggerating.

"Did you sleep well? I've heard you changed your lock, so now it'll be better."

"Ugh, I hope so. But I still sleep with my dresser blocking the door." Sighing, started walking, afraid to look in the faces of other students, hurrying off to school.

They must have been disgusted, watching you being friendly with one guy after being all lovey-dovey with the other just yesterday. Although you didn't see anyone in particular, you were sure somebody saw Thor kissing you. And now you were walking the corridors with Peter.

"By the way, what's your Insta?"

What? Your Instagram? Whatever for? Although you had no idea why he needed it, you let him add you, by the time leaving the dorm and walking towards the main building.

Suddenly, Peter got pretty close, his arm on your waist as he lifted up his phone and hummed, "Look here and smile!"

Before you realized what he was doing, the boy kissed your temple, and you heard the sound of a photo being taken by his front-facing camera. What the Hell?!

"Peter!" Pissed at him, you quickly break free and stepped back, but he was already looking at his phone, editing the photo and posting it almost immediately.

You heard your phone buzz when he marked you on the photo.

"That's a good one. You look very cute here."

"What are you doing?!"

"Making a proof we're dating, of course?"

You were taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, and Peter smiled from ear to ear like an excited teenager, showing you the picture: it wasn't that bad, and you looked as if you were slightly embarrassed by Peter's closeness. Oh, of course. He had to convince his friends he was dating you, but he didn't kiss you on the lips that could make other people too suspicious. Instead, friends of Barnes or, say, Thor, would still think it was all for show, and it was their friend who dated you for real.

Shit, Steve's plan was incredibly complicated, and you didn't like it at all.

"Oh, alright." You mumbled, lowering your eyes to the ground, and Peter laughed.

"We'll make a TikTok dance later. If you wanna make people talk, just use your social media." He winked at you and put the phone in the pocket of his pants, resuming walking, and you moved along, your face still hot.

God, what did these guys got you into? You felt like you were lost in the middle of a play, not even having a script to read what was your role in all this.

Before you parted your ways, going to a different classrooms, Peter talked about videogames, the upcoming Resident Evil - apparently, his favorite franchise - and some Dota tournament, but you didn't know much about it, and Peter offered to show you his favorite games "because you can't spend all your time studying!"

He was as careless and sweet as always, but you couldn't get Steve's words out of your mind. Damn, if only you could know for sure that Peter didn't blackmail anyone. Who could you talk to about it? Obviously, not Peter himself, but every time he spoke you had that nagging feeling you needed to talk to him. You barely kept your mouth shut before he went to a different room.

Ugh, why didn't you transfer anywhere else when you still had a chance? Obviously, now you could only drop out of school, and it definitely wasn't something you were going to do.

Luckily, the next couple of hours you were busy with your classes, trying your best to prepare for the upcoming exams. The academy held high standards, and even though you were a good student, it still took lots of efforts to keep up the good work. How Thor even managed to get enrolled, judging by the fact he hated studying and often skipped classes?

Ah yes, he mentioned something about getting a scholarship from the academy for his success in the sport.

By the lunch time you were drained, listening to Peter chatting with an absent-mindedly epxression on your face. Funny enough, Peter's grades were better than yours, even though he spent much less time studying. What, was he some genius like Loki? You felt a little envy.

"I gotta go take my tracksuit, I have PE next," the boy said, and you nodded, throwing away the leftovers of your lunch.

As you stood close while he grabbed his sportclothes, you heard two guys talking behind the lockers to your right.

"Have you seen her today? She's with Parker!"

You tensed immediately. Of course, they were talking about you.

"Yeah, so what?"

"She was with Thor yesterday!"

Watching you froze on the spot, Peter stilled too, listening carefully. Oh shit, you hoped no one cared about who you went with - why should they, in the end - but, apparently, you were drawing too much attention simply because you were a girl among hundreds of male students.

"So what?" The other guy asked impatiently, growing tired of this conversation.

"Are you stupid? She's going out with them! I bet she's looking for a guy." The first student said with excitement, and you cringed. No, you weren't going out with anyone, you wanted to stop the weirdos from following you and steeling your things. Was it too much to ask?

"Yeah, who cares?"

"We have three fucking girls in the whole school, and you don't care if one of them could be going out with you? Besides, this one's pretty. I'd fuck her!"

You felt like you were going to puke any moment. Why on Earth did you decide to transfer to an all-boys school? It was like the whole school were a men’s room filled with stupid-ass guys, and you were locked inside, forced to listen them talk junk.

"You'd fuck a sheep, weirdo. Go get yourself a girlfriend if you can’t stop thinking with your dick.”

Laughing, the guy left, and his friend followed him, shouting something stupid while you breathed out a sigh of relief. Of course, you knew there would be some talk, but you didn’t expect it to be so... gross. Were you really gonna spend the two remaining years here?

Watching you getting frustrated, Peter gently touched you by the arm and said softly, “Don’t worry. They won’t talk rubbish about you.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly thinking of Steve’s words, you blurted out exactly what you were thinking of the whole day, “Are you going to blackmail them with something?”

“I... what?”

Part VII

__________

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[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

It's Delicate: Part II

Summary: Spencer Reid finds himself at a gas station at 2:00 am, thinking he’s only leaving with a cup of crappy coffee. But something taped to the door catches his eye. Spencer leaves the gas station with more than he intended: the chance at a friend, and maybe something more along the way.

Word Count: 3.6 k

Author’s Note: Here's the second part in It's Delicate, my first chapter fic. I've planned out kind of where I see this eventually going! Thank you to anyone who reads, likes, comments, and reblogs. It really means the world to me.

Content Warnings: Expletive language (3 uses), mentions of drug use, sexual innuendo

READ PART I

It's Delicate Masterlist

It's Delicate

Sitting on the plane, Spencer looks out from the little window. For hours, there’s been nothing but corn fields and clouds. It’s eerily peaceful, being there high above the clouds. His whole life Spencer has felt this distance between him and everyone else, but nothing makes that feeling more prominent than being strapped in a glorified metal box 35,000 feet off the Earth’s surface. But the thing is, Spencer does need to be flying above the trees to feel lonely. He can do that with two feet on the ground.

Luke sits across Spencer, the table between them and a deck of playing cards are spread out across its surface. He has to nudge Spencer’s leg from under the table, trying to bring him back to reality as he stares out the window.

“Whatcha thinking,” Luke asks, Spencer has been noticing more and more that Luke is one of the few people that actually listens to him.

Spencer, whose mind is racing too fast to even formulate an articulate thought, attempts to dodge Luke’s question with a noncommittal shrug.

“Reid, these cases are hard for all of us, you gotta know that man,” Luke says, laying down a four of a kind.

Spencer narrows his eyes, shocked that it hasn’t clicked yet for the rest of the team. He cracks his neck, preparing to answer Luke.

“We almost locked up an innocent man, Alvez. I almost sent another man to the same fate as myself. What kind of fucked up message is that?” Spencer says, throwing down the cards on the table. He doesn’t wait for Luke to respond.

“I fold,”

Spencer walks off into the small kitchenette to make a cup of coffee. He doesn’t want to think about his increased reliance on coffee, because he knows it’s a hot cup of coffee or a cold needle of Dilaudid in his veins. Spencer checks his watch, it’s 10:17 pm, maybe too late to find a meeting at a church or rec center somewhere.

He sneaks a peak at his phone, which was still unfortunately on Airplane Mode, he hasn’t even gotten a chance to see if Y/N has responded. He doesn’t know much about her, just as much as she knows about him.

It’s a brave new world for Spencer and he’s knee deep into the unknown.

Spencer can feel Luke’s eyes on him. He just knows that the minute he gets home, a certain tech expert will be ringing him. He knows that it’s Luke’s way of caring, but for someone who’s been alone for so long, having people that actually care is almost drowning.

Walking back to his seat, Spencer hands Luke a coffee. He smiles slightly; it’s the awkward smile that he used to make when intimating police chiefs and idiot cops would look him up and down like he’s a TA. It’s a peace offering for Luke, who despite his tough looking exterior, is one of the kindest people Spencer knows.

“Look, Reid. I’m sorry that we didn’t put it together. It’s just that man that we caught, he’s not like you. He’s not innocent of crimes, he’s just innocent of this crime,” Luke says in an attempt to make Spencer feel a little bit better.

“The thing is Luke, I’m exactly like that man,”

Spencer returns to staring out the window. The cards and the coffee on the table are long ignored for the silence that is found when you’re high above the clouds.

--

Spencer hears Tara and Emily murmur quietly about going out for a round of drinks. Luke accepts, while JJ and Matt decline, eager to get home to their families. Emily looks over at Spencer, her eyes silently scanning him, his body language. Spencer knows that there’s nothing he can hide from Emily, so there’s no use in trying to pretend he’s alright when she can take one look at him and know that nothing is right.

“You guys have fun, I’m going to head home and get some sleep. I plan on visiting my mom tomorrow and mornings are usually better for her,” Spencer says, slinging his go bag around his shoulders and making the trek back to the security to check out.

He walks slowly, enjoying the sound of the crickets chirping as he trudges along. Spencer tries not to think about the man, Richard, who was almost locked up for a crime that he didn’t commit. Spencer is pretty sure that being the person to throw an innocent man in jail is worse than being the innocent man in jail.

Spencer’s phone buzzes loudly, disturbing the silence of his walk. He looks at the phone to see a couple of messages from Y/N. Spencer slides open the lock to his phone and hits the button to read her messages.

Y/N: Spencer...that has a nice ring to it. So tell me a little bit about yourself. Your big three, but as books. Go! 🌞🌙⬆️

Furrowing his brow, Spencer reads the message over again. He does not have a clue what “big three” means, but it seems like some sort of pop culture thing that he’s not skilled in. He wants to text Garcia for a translation, but he’s also not too keen on telling her how he came across Y/N’s number.

Y/N: I assume you’re working, but I'm kind of impatient so I’ll give you mine 🙃 I’m a Little Women sun, an Emma moon, and an In Cold Blood rising.

Y/N: Oh no….I hope my astrology didn’t turn you off

Y/N: Not that I was trying to turn you on

Y/N: omg Y/N please shut the fuck up

Astrology? Spencer isn’t one to judge, but he’s a scientist first and foremost. The idea that there is something written about him in the stars seems like ludicrous. He decided to ignore the other messages, particularly the ones with a little more than slight innuendo.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m sorry I just got out of work. As for my big three, I’m not sure about astrology. I don’t particularly believe in pseudoscience. But those are good choices. In Cold Blood is an excellent choice. Capote spent years researching the case. In fact his prose and technique inspired the entire “Nonfiction novel” genre. The world of journalism and true crime would not be where it is without Capote’s work.

Y/N: Oh my god. You are a total nerd. 🙀

That stops Spencer right in his tracks. He’s only a couple of yards away from the Volvo at this point, but somehow it feels a million miles away. You are a total nerd. The words replay in his mind as the small gray bubbles pop up again. Spencer can feel his heart constrict at Y/N’s words. It’s ridiculous, he’s nearly 34 and is getting upset that a stranger called him a nerd. Spencer unlocks his car and tosses his go bag, phone included onto the passenger seat.

After a couple of minutes his phone buzzes again. He’s half tempted to answer it, but the way his heart seems to beat faster tells him to ignore it.

Y/N: I fucking love it and I think you’ll love this too

Spencer’s entire demeanor changes as he reads the message. He’s always had difficulties reading emotion in writing, especially when he can’t analyze the handwriting. Sometimes, it’s even harder to judge inflection during conversations. Maybe that is why Spencer has spent all this time studying people, studying the way that their minds work. Before he can get too lost in his thoughts, another message pops up.

Y/N: Meet Capote and Second Cat

Y/N: They are the loves of my life

Spencer: They are very...distinguished looking. Capote is an excellent name choice then. Second Cat is also quite catchy.

Spencer hesitates before sending the message, he notices that Y/N uses what Garcia calls “emojis” quite frequently. He assumes that it’s some sort of “texting lingo” that expresses emotion in small graphics. Great, he thinks. He already has a difficult time deciphering Y/N’s cryptic wording and now he’s got to analyze these emojis.

Maybe he should profile her. He re-reads the message and settles on a “😄” because he figures that he can’t go wrong with offering Y/N a smile.

Spencer: I don’t have a cat, but when I was a kid I always wanted one, they’re quite good companions for those that live several different kinds of lifestyles. From active to sedentary, they are adaptable and independent. Honestly they are the perfect pet.

Y/N: Is this your way of telling you’re a crazy cat man? 😜 🙀

Spencer, still sitting in his car that’s parked in the parking lot, chuckles at Y/N’s response to his message. Maybe it’s just easier to ignore his rambling when it’s done through 1s and 0s and there isn’t a face to the words.

Spencer: I’m actually more of a fish guy

Y/N: Like a “I-like-to-go-fishing-and-post-picture-of-myself-kissing-my-catch-on-Tinder” kind of fish guy or...I can’t think of any other kind of fish men

Spencer, not totally understanding the obvious joke that Y/N is trying to make, settles on something that he hasn’t really ever tried: being himself.

Spencer: Not quite sure what a Tinder is, but I think fishing is terrifying and kissing a fish is something out of nightmares. But his name is Leo

Y/N: DiCaprio?

Spencer: Uhh, Tolstoy

Y/N: Good😉 ⚔️🕊️ 🇷🇺

Spencer glances at his clock on the control panel, it tells him that he’s been messaging with Y/N back and forth for nearly 22 minutes. He nearly forgot how tired he was.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m so sorry but, I just got to my car to drive home from work. I’ll text you tomorrow morning about the book club, maybe we can figure out some things.

Y/N: OMG Spencer!! you should have told me. I’ve been talking ur ear off. sleep well and yes please tomorrow we can talk about the book club

Y/N: Good night, Book Buddy 😴

Spencer wants to respond to Y/N, but he doesn’t know what to say. She seems to text so easily, and judging by that, she must be around Spencer’s age or a little bit younger. Besides JJ and Penelope, Spencer has never had a friend close to his age. It’s a strange new territory for him and he’s walking in head first into No Man’s Land.

He starts his Volvo, the check engine still lights but, reminding him once again to go get it fixed. Driving away from the parking lot, Spencer hands over his ID to Gina, the security guard. She checks his ID and gives him a tired smile. Spencer, as he drives home to his apartment, thinking about what books he and Y/N will read together. He wonders what kind of books are her favorite, if they have any authors that they can obsess over together, or if what she thinks a poet’s prose is.

The summer air rushing in through the window is nowhere as warm and as comforting as thought of Spencer finally having a friend that isn’t able to read the scars of his past in the text bubbles that pop up on her screen.

--

When Spencer opens his eyes for the first time that morning, he isn’t sure where he is. Sometimes, before he can stop his thoughts from travelling there, Spencer thinks he’s still in jail. He hates the feeling of terror that rushes over him but he hates the idea of being vulnerable a little bit more. But the softness of his pillows and the coolness of his cotton sheets remind him that he’s not sleeping on a hard cot with only a layer of fabric over his body. The light streams in through the half closed blinds, and Spencer judges by how brightly the sun shines in, it must be around 9:45 am.

He supposes that he prefers the way the sun’s rays paint horizontal bars across his face more than the vertical bars that cast gray shadows over his cell at Milburn Penitentiary.

It’s a day off from work, so Spencer didn’t set an alarm, instead allowing his mind and his body to catch up on some much needed rest. The nightmares have been getting better, but his dreams are still haunted by the way that he hardly recognizes himself anymore. Deciding that it will be a day spent in pajamas, Spencer goes to his bookshelf in his bedroom to pick out a couple of novels to read while he drinks his morning coffee and defrosts some of Luke’s strawberry pastries.

Before heading out of his room, Spencer stops himself in the doorway. He replays the events of last night. He declined to go out with the rest of the team, while he walked to his car he thought about the crickets telling the temperature, and he read over Y/N’s messages.

Y/N.

He promised he’d text her back in the morning about their book club. Last night, she didn’t seem to mind Spencer’s long messages and awkward phrasing. He still doesn’t really know how this Book Buddy thing would work, but since he found Y/N’s number on the flyer, he can only assume that she knows what to do. He leaps on his bed, landing with thud on his belly, to grab his phone that charges on his nightstand.

Spencer settles at his kitchen table, a cup of steaming hot Dark Roast coffee in a Captain Spock mug in one hand and, surprisingly, his phone in the other. He scrolls through the messages from last night, Y/N’s cat and emojis tempt a smile to Spencer’s face.

Not entirely sure how to start the conversation again, Spencer looks around for inspiration until his eyes land on a certain fish tank in the corner of his apartment. He snaps a quick picture of Leo and attaches it to the message.

Spencer: Good Morning from Leo & Spencer

Spencer sets down his phone after a moment when he realizes that Y/N is probably not going to answer him back in a couple of seconds. He takes out a strawberry pastry from his freezer and puts it into the toaster oven on a non-stick baking sheet. His thumbs run across the texture of the book he started on the plane ride after his and Luke’s ill fated poker game. It's a thin book of collected essays on the meaning of life. Camus, to Spencer, is a little pessimistic with his droning on about the meaninglessness of life. Though Spence has seen the absolute worst that humanity has to offer, he still has to believe that there’s a deeper meaning behind it all.

His toaster oven rings, altering him so that his toasted strawberry pastry is cooked. He plates his breakfast and pours himself another cup of coffee- he’ll need it to get through Camus’s section on Absurdism this early in the morning. But the flash of Spencer’s phone screen sends him reaching for his phone. Y/N replied to his message.

Y/N: hi leo!!!

Y/N: and you too Spencer :) Did you get a good night’s sleep. You got back late it seems.

Spencer, taking a bite of the strawberry pastry, ignores the burning sensation in his mouth. He types out a response to Y/N as he washes down the bite with a swing of coffee.

Spencer: I did, thank you. Can you tell me a little bit more about this book buddy thing. From what I gathered from the flyer it’s like a little book club of our own and we meet at the bookstore?

It doesn’t take long for Y/N to respond. The little gray dots pop up almost immediately after Spencer’s message is delivered.

Y/N: That’s about right! Is it okay if I call you? Kinda easier to talk that way 🤷‍♀️

Spencer reads over the message a couple of times. He doesn’t really like to talk on the phone and only does it out of necessity. He’s pretty sure that his voice is grating and his vocal fry is quite irritating. Yet, he finds himself replying “yes” to Y/N. Soon enough, his phone buzzes in his hand and Spencer has to remind himself how to pick up a call.

“Spencer? Um, this is Spencer Reid, right?” the voice says. It’s a woman’s voice and he can only assume that it’s Y/N, considering it is her phone number calling him.

“Y/N, uh hi. This is Dr. Spencer- I mean this is Spencer,” he says, nearly forgetting that Y/N doesn’t know him as Dr. Reid, but as just Spencer. It’s been a long time since someone has known him as Spencer.

“Oh great! It’s wonderful to finally have a voice to your name. So about these buddy reads. You seem to have a good grasp of what they are,” Y/N’s voice trails off a little bit at the end and Spencer finds it natural to fill in the silence.

“Yes, the flyer was quite informative. But I was wondering, do we read the same books or do we read different books?” Spencer asks, trying to restrain himself from scaring Y/N off. But something about her made him think that she didn’t scare easily.

Y/N chuckles lightly in the speaker of her phone, “that’s a good question, uh, I was actually going to ask you what you would rather. We can read the same books, or if it’s okay with you we can choose what the other would read for that week,”

“Oh really?” Spencer says, very much aware how his voice rises a couple of octaves. He can’t trust himself to hold back on rambling over the phone Y/N, so he resorts to using his strained, brittle voice that’s full of hesitation and restraint.

“That’s the plan, so whatcha thinking, Spencer,” Y/N says playfully, like she can sense that phone conversations maybe not make him feel at ease. There’s something so natural and silvery about her voice; it reminds Spencer of an audiobook reader. While he’s not too keen on audiobooks, he’s sure that he’d listen to anything she reads or has to say.

“Um, I think it sounds interesting to pick out books for each other. I tend to gravitate towards more technical books or even books that aren’t in English so, uh, I think it would be interesting to get out of my comfort zone,” Spencer says, cringing internally at using the word “interesting” twice in a couple of sentences.

“Well, as long as you don’t pick out something in physics or anything by Ayn Rand then I’d say we’re good,” Y/N says. Spencer thinks it’s a joke, but he’s not too sure how to respond.

“Will you still be my Book Buddy if I read 1 out of 2 of those?” Spencer asks, hoping she’d get that he is trying to continue the joke.

“Oh no Spencer please don’t tell me you’re an Ayn Rand fanboy,” she says, and by the airy way she laughs, Spencer ventures to guess his joke landed successfully.

“So,” Spencer starts, he never has made plans with people outside of his team, and on top of that, there’s something about Y/N’s quickness that makes him a little nervous to meet her.

“I’m talking your ear off, aren’t I? Please Spencer, if you’re going to be my Book Buddy, you’re going to have to get used to me talking a lot, especially you pick out good books, which, I already have a feeling you’re going to be favorite Book Buddy,”

For once in his life, Spencer doesn’t really know how to respond. He lets out something in between a strangled laughter and a noncommittal chuckle.

“So,” Y/N says, mirroring Spencer’s earlier words, “so are you free tonight, I can meet you at the bookstore..”

Y/N’s voice trails off and Spencer leaps to finish her sentences. It doesn’t feel like his interjecting or interrupting, but like he’s snapping a puzzle piece together.

“Does 7 work?” “7 is great, Spencer. It’s a date,”

Those three little words send Spencer’s eyes flying wide open. He scrambles to come up with answer to louden the silence that falls, but he swears he can hear a string of quiet curses before Y/N manages to squeak out a small “goodbye,”

Y/N’s last words play back in Spencer’s ears. He scolds himself for being so weird and awkward that the very idea of going on a date with him would send Y/N in a tizzy. It’s not a date, because Spencer can’t think about it being a date. It’s not a date because of the looming photo above his mantle that freezes his future in the past. It’s not a date because of the nightmare of vertical bars that haunt his dreams

It’s not a date. It’s so not a date because Spencer would call Luke to come over to help him if it was.

“Hey Luke,” Spencer says, trying to control the nervous waves in his voice, “no man, I’m fine, it’s uh, easier if you just come over. I’m fine, really,”

Y/N: I really hope you're not an Ayn Rand fanboy 😉

It’s so not a date.

--THANK YOU FOR READING--

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[sagemusesoutloud]

Anti-Romantic, Part 2

(credit to the original owner of the image)

Character | Jaehyun x reader

Genre | nonidol!au, Mutual Pining, Slowburn, Fluff

WordCount | 2 K (bitesized for your convenience lol)

Author'sNote | I know this is kinda short, but I've decided not to rush the ending. I'm for sure not drag it out too much, but the slowburn reaaaally got to me and I ended up liking more than I orginially thought, so! I'll be back to post Part 3 tomorrow!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

I know that you love me, It makes me deeply drunk

You’re like champagne, I shouldn’t do this

You’re at the base of the stairs to your apartment complex when he pulls up. The window on the passenger side rolls down.

“Hurry! I think they’re about to wash the machines at the ice cream shop!” he reaches over and opens your door while you grab your two bags and your pillow. You loved him, you really did, but he had the flattest, most uncomfortable pillows in the world in his guestroom.

“What? Why didn’t you stop there before picking me up? It’s not like you don’t know what I like.” You’re trying to move all your stuff to the backseat as he pulls away.

He sighs, “Thank you Jae, you’re so nice to pick me up,” he mutters. You’d be a bit apologetic if it wasn’t for the grin he was trying to hide. “I’ve already spent most of my ‘special’ day alone, thanks to someone who had to bail on me. I wanna spend the rest with you.”

“I knew it, it bothered you didn’t it?” You accused while fastening your seatbelt. “Next time, just tell me, I know it seems as if I know everything but I actually can’t read minds.” You knew he was just messing with you but for some reason his words cut at the guilty feeling you were trying to push away. “I actually got you something this time around, it’s why I wanted to see you before the day ended.”

Jae parks the car outside the shop before turning to you, “wait, did you really get me something?” You sigh, offended, “well, if you don’t want it or don’t like the idea of it, then I can still return it.”

“I just thought of you when I saw it…” crap, it’s too soon for you to go anywhere near that subject.

“That’s not what I meant,” he shakes his head, “It’s just been a while since we shared birthday gifts.” You look away from him. If he kept this up, you’ll start to regret calling him. Your hands were slightly shaking with the effort of not reaching over and pouring all your feelings into him. Unlike what you’re used to, he was dressed down with a simple t-shirt and grey sweats. He looked so soft, and domestic. You hated how much you loved it. At least for work, you had both always been professionally dressed, which was a nice barrier for your thoughts. If you dressed professional, you felt professional. This helped control your thoughts. But now that you were here with him, it was definitely harder to keep track of your thoughts.

Today was a day for him, not for you. You took in a deep breath as you turn to look at the shop. It looked like they were getting ready to start closing duties. Even if you weren’t looking at him, you could feel your heart race with acute awareness to his proximity in the small car. He was waiting for a response.

You open your door, “yeah well…if we don’t hurry, we won’t get those diabetes-inducing bombs you’re so fond of. And this all would have been for naught.” You needed to get a grip, fast.

I can clearly see the end, Worse than a hangover

It will be hard, Now, Just end it somewhere here

“I can’t believe you told them it was my birthday,” he groaned, pushing off his shoes at the door. You followed suit.

“Of course I did, it meant free goodies!” You raise the plastic bag with macarons. “It just sucks that they’re all valentine’s themed.” You make your way to the kitchen to put away the snacks you brought, dumping your overnight bag at the door of the guestroom. Maybe if you kept the heart-shaped gift out of sight, it won’t make you as nervous with him.

“I brought your fave by the way, chocolate covered almonds and gummy bears,” you call out. He appears in the kitchen, hair out of his way with a headband. Be still my heart, you thought. You decide to hyper-focus on placing some snacks on a plate to bring to the living room.

“So, what’s the plan?” He reaches over you to grab a water bottle from the fridge, brushing your hip with his front. No no no no no no no!

Was he teasing you? You knew that your face would give you away, you could feel how warm your ears and cheeks were. You hated how honest your face was, and it didn’t help that Jae knew you like the back of his hand. Maybe this is how he is nowadays? Flirty and confident? You’d be lying if you didn’t find it attractive, but not when his attention was only directed at you. You felt like you were slowly suffocating but even that wouldn’t stop the warm light that seemed to burst from your chest.

It seemed so easy to pretend you were closer to him, to pretend this happened all the time. That you were close enough to reciprocate his flirty actions.

“uh, em,” you clear your throat, “actually, I remembered you wanting to see that movie last time we hung out. I have it ready in my apple tv account.” You back away with the tray, “can you also grab me a water?” your throat was suddenly parched.

You settle in the couch, grabbing the throw blanket behind you. Any physical barrier you could place between you, you’d take it gratefully. “You remembered? That was almost three months ago, when the trailer came out.” He handed you your water and grabbed at the corner of the blanket nearest to him, covering himself with it and moving closer to you so that you both could fit under it.

“Jae, there’s another blanket on your side of the couch,” you wanted to feel embarrassed but you just felt an unexpected giddy feeling at him wanting to be near you. “Yeah but it’s my birthday and this blanket is my favorite,” he says as he pulls you closer and wraps his arm behind you on the couch.

“here, put in your credentials so we can start the movie,” he hands you the remote.

You suddenly thank your lucky stars that the movie was an action packed one and not a romantic one. You couldn’t help but sink further into his side, wanting to be comfortable. As the movie starts, he takes the remote from your hand and wraps your arm around him. “I’m cold, keep me warm,” he mutters. Oh sweet Jesus.

Back in the day, this wouldn’t have been something new. Your friends knew you were very heavy with the affectionate touches. A hug, sharing seats, even holding hands. You never shied away from it because it was part of how you showed your friends that you loved them. Some of your friends were also this way, so it was never weird. But now that you’re older, and now that it’s been a long long time since you’ve been close to someone else, the once innocent touches Jae was giving you felt like hot brands across your shoulders and under your arm. If you focused enough, you could feel his hard work at the gym in the way your softness gave way to the hard contours of his leg that pressed against yours and how your shoulder leaned against his chest.

This was going to be a long movie.

You prayed that Jae wouldn’t ask you what the movie was about, you only had enough sanity to pay attention to the first fifteen minutes. It was all a blur after Jae pulled you half over on his lap, “you’re hogging the blanket, move over,” was the only excuse he gave.

Now, your legs were tangled with his and you sat almost on his lap, his arms encircling you from behind. He felt so soft and every little movement made your skin break out in goosebumps. You felt like a live wire about to explode.

“D-did you like it?” you started shifting to the side so you could face him but he held you tighter in place, resting his chin on your shoulder. “yeah, it was pretty good, we have to wait for the end credits though. I heard that they’re starting to give hints about The Eternals.”

“Did you like it?” he squeezes your middle.

Did you? You’re not sure, but you sure as hell loved the attention you were getting for the past two and half hours. “Yeah, all Marvel movies are great,” you finally concede.

“Wanna watch another one? You can pick this time,” his hand started tracing through your arm as you waited for the stupid end scene that was taking too long to start. Is it getting hot in here?

“Sure, whatever you want,” you mutter. He could have asked you for the most ridiculous thing and you would have still agreed to it.

Jae wakes with a start, the room was dark, the only light came from the still on TV. A show was playing softly, the clock under the tv read 3:45 am. He felt pretty hot, was the A/C not working?

He begins to shift when he realizes the position you both are in. Your legs were still tangled together, as if unconsciously refusing to let go of the proximity. You gripped his shoulder, your breath hitting his neck as you slept soundly on top of him. God, if this is a dream, let me never wake up, he thinks.

He usually hates being too close to someone, any sort of intimacy was bad news to Jaehyun. Either emotionally or physically, he kept everyone at a distance because he had seen it too often. How people settled for something they weren’t sure of and hurting those involved. He was aware he was too logical sometimes, but it’s what he knew to protect himself. Moments like these, they only lead to expectations and empty feelings, leaving behind only pain that even time couldn’t heal sometimes.

But why was he finding it so hard to untangle himself from your embrace? He should go to his bed and sleep comfortably, but at the same time, having you in his arms felt just right. Like two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together.

He could smell the light scent that was you and it almost made him squeeze you closer, as if it was possible. You smelled of spring, a light floral scent that reminded him of better days.

He was glad he woke up, he was going to enjoy every second of peace this brought him. He would store it in a little box and hold on tightly when the cold reality came back. As he fought with his drowsiness, he felt you nestle closer. He kissed the crown of your head as he finally gave in to sleep. I hope I dream of you… If this was love, he finally understood why sometimes the pain was worth a shot.

So stupid, sweet love song, extravagant rom-com

As much as I was happy, on the receipt there’s a red line

EndNote | I know this chapter was pretty short. In all honesty, I had written something else before deleting it entirely and starting again, but I really like the direction the story is going now. Hopefully I can update Part 3 tomorrow, but I'm really excited about it!

Previous: Part 1 | Next: Part 3

[quirkdotcom]

The Arrangement //

Shoto Todoroki x Fem! Reader

Part One: The Mall Incident

Part Two

Summary: Your father is a particularly strong pro hero, and owns his own agency, however, he seemingly has picked an opportunity for you to be the tie between his agency, and pro hero Endeavor's agency.

Authors Note:

One; I'm planning this to be a three part fic, my next update hopefully on Friday May 15th ! Let me know if you'd like to be on this specific taglist, or even a taglist for anything I post !

Two; I wanted to have a little fun in this, so I added in an OC of mine! I made the reader attend an unnamed school, where her friends wouldn't be main characters from MHA, and decided to throw in Maiko (my OC) anyways, I hope you enjoy !

"A student from UA? Is father okay? I thought he hated that school?" You had to stop yourself, had you really heard your mother right?

She sighed heavily, shaking her head slightly, "He does, however, your father is willing to look past the fact as long as everything goes according to plan" 

This time, it was your turn to sigh.

This 'plan' was one of you meeting some student, your parents meeting, and at the end of the day, agreeing to a marriage after graduation.

You knew that you really had no choice in the matter, which is why you had never put up a fight about it, but it didn't mean that you were particularly happy about it.

Quietly, you stood up, excusing yourself from the table and your mother, leaving the dainty tea cup where it sat.

"Well, since the meeting with this student will be this weekend, I'm going to go out and buy an outfit for it." You bowed your head slightly before turning and leaving the room.

Now out of sight of your mother, you stretched, stifling a yawn as you made your way to your room, grabbing your phone from your pocket, sending a quick message to your closest friend, asking if she'd accompany you to the mall.

The two of you attended a private academy focused on teaching it's students to not only strengthen their quirks, or accelerate their academics, but also in etiquette and manners. Everything was about being proper and elite.

It was the very same school that your father had transferred to after his time at UA.

You personally didn't quite like it there, at times some students tried to pick on you, or the teachers would reprimand you for even the slightest mistake.

But, just like the marriage arrangement, you had no choice in what school you attended, your father was hellbent on you following his steps, and staying the hell away from UA.

Regardless, you had eventually made some friends, and for the first few years, you scored in the top of your class.

"Oh, (Y/n) while you're out, would you mind picking up a few things for me?" Your mother's voice rang out from behind your door, breaking your train of thoughts.

"Just make me a list, and leave it on the counter!" 

It didn't take long for you to change out of your uniform and into something comfier, or for you to grab your messenger style purse, or to find the list from your mother. With your father gone, there were no distractions or unnecessary lectures.

What took the most time was getting to the mall. You could have driven, but it was nice out, the sky was clear of clouds, and there was a light breeze that flowed through the leaves in the trees.

So, you took to walking. Though, when you got to the mall, your best friend was standing with her arms crossed and a bored look on her face.

"(Y/N)! There you are! I've been waiting for hours!" She gave a dramatic sigh as you walked over.

"Calm down Maiko ! " you chuckled, she was almost always over dramatic, something that had drawn you to her in the first place.

She gave you a playful wink, and nodded her head to the doors, starting to walk inside, "Whatever, we both know that I can't calm down," she paused, giving small jazz hands, "I've got constant anxiety" 

"Ah, the curse of having a third eye quirk," You followed behind, then moved to the side of her. 

"Oh! What's the occasion for today's trip?" Maiko tucked a piece of light brown hair behind her ear, eyeing you as she waited for a response.

You hesitated, she still didn't know about the whole arranged marriage, and it had been about a month since you had found out.

"Oh...my family and I are meeting another family for some business thing, so I needed to get a new outfit in case they have a son or daughter our age, " You spouted off a lie, knowing that she'd fall for it, only because she trusted you.

"Ooooh another potential merger for your dad's hero agency?" 

You nodded, pausing as your stomach gave a quiet rumble. 

Despite the lunch you were having with your mother earlier, you didn't really eat. 

"Hey, let's get something to eat first," You point to the nearest food outlet.

Before you know it, Maiko and you are each tossing fries to the other, both failing to catch most in your mouth, but you are having a good time regardless.

Once out of fries, you and her are left with your milkshakes, hers chocolate, and your's strawberry. Something kind of impulsive as you haven't had one strawberry flavored in a few years.

"Hey, I think we could probably take these with us to go look for an outfit," Maiko picks hers up, already a third of it gone.

With a nod, you stand up, grabbing your shake and bag, waiting for Maiko before heading off to your favorite store.

"Hey what about this?" She held up a pleated, light blue skirt, it would stop just above your knees, and complimented you very well, "It even has real pockets!"

"And I could wear it with this shirt...and maybe the jean jacket we found earlier?" You smiled happily, holding up a plain white t-shirt, a small v neck cut, nothing too extreme but not too plain.

Your friend placed the skirt into your basket, and you followed suit with the shirt. All that was needed now, would be to grab the jean jacket from earlier.

However, as you turned, you ran into a...hard surface and along with you, came your half finished milkshake.

You stumbled back, eyes wide as you realized what had just happened.

"Oh my gosh, I am so-"

But the male cut you off, his voice monotone as he did, "Save it, just move out of the way, I need to clean my shirt," 

You quietly moved to the side, watching as the moody stranger walked away, leaving you and Maiko to recover.

He had red hair...well only half of his hair was red, and the other half was white, leaving you to wonder how much hair dye it had taken to get it to look so perfect. 

"Well...I wish I could've helped you see that coming...but uh..I got the jacket?" She smiled sheepishly, causing you to let out a nervous laugh, releasing the tension you didn't know you had.

"Okay, cmon lets go pay!" You turned, still reeling from the encounter with that guy..but hey, at least you wouldn't be seeing him again! 

So, with that thought in mind, Maiko and yourself brought your chosen outfit to the front counters, paid and left the store.

"Hey, are you doing anything tonight?" You turned to Maiko after some five minutes, a thought in the back of your mind, nagging at you since you had left the house to meet her. 

"I don't think so! Why, is your mom cooking tonight? Anything she makes is always better than your dads...or yours," she poked her tongue out at you.

"Wha?! Hey! Im not that bad of a cook!" You pouted and crossed your arms, turning away from her, "Well I did have something to tell you but now its not happening," 

She immediately moved in front of you, "Wait no! Your cooking is good! Just tell me the news!" 

"It'll have to wait for my house, it's kind of big news…"

And with that, the two of you set off for your house, Maiko calling her mom and letting her know where she'd be for the night. 

The walk was spent talking about anything and everything, and at one point Maiko tripping and you having to catch her, but hey, that's what friends are for. 

As you approached your house, you spotted your fathers car in the driveway, causing you to screw your face up in dread. 

Hopefully he didn't have a lecture for you, especially if Maiko was here. You had always hated how he seemed to pick on you whenever your friends were over.

And much to your dismay, when you walked inside he met you with a sour look, "(Y/n), where have you been? Don't forget about this weekend's meeting, not to mention the exams coming up," 

You bit back a response about how the exams were two months away, and instead just nodded your head, busying yourself with slipping your shoes off, "I was buying a new outfit for our meeting. I told mother before I left."

He paused, now eyeing you and Maiko, "And came home with...Fujino was it?" 

She nodded, even though she practically lived at your house for a week at a time due to the amount of sleep overs you had, your father had barely bothered to remember her name. 

"Im sorry for not telling you ahead of time, Sir." She bowed her head slightly, only really apologizing because she knew that if she didn't, it would come down on you. 

"Make your way to (Y/n)'s room, I still need to have a few words with her," he commanded, waiting for her to go up the stairs before he continued.

"And (Y/n), do not forget how important this marriage arrangement is. The Todoroki family is powerful, Endeavor is rising in his ranks as a hero, and his son will follow suit. You have to make sure that you are seen as exemplary, no mistakes can be made. Do you understand?" 

You paused, heart hanging heavy, "Yes father…" 

Once he let you go, you made your way to the top of the stairs, seeing that Maiko was waiting for you, a worried look in her eyes, "So...a marriage proposal?" 

"Welcome to the news I had for you…" 

You two moved into your room, the bag of clothes dropped onto the floor, and you climbed onto your bed, grabbing an orange bunny plush, hugging it to your chest.

"Okay so I wanted to tell you about the arrangement but...I dunno, its hard. I'm having my choice taken away from me and for what? So my father and this other hero to have a more powerful agency?" 

"(Y/n)...im so sorry that you've been going through this alone. I'm here for you, whatever you need!" She moved to a swinging chair you had, sitting in it carefully as she thought for a moment, "So, you've never met this guy or his family?" 

"At most I know his family name. But Im too busy focusing on school work to pay attention to how his father is "So high up the ranks" or whatever. Its like my father thinks that this 'Endeavor' guy is the number two pro hero or something…" You puffed out a breath of air, pursing your lips as you thought quietly. 

Maiko stared at you for a few minutes, blinking a few times as she tried to break the news to you. 

"Uhh..Endeavor...as in Enji Todoroki?" 

You looked up, nodding quietly at her puzzled look. 

"(Y/n) he is the number two hero...or wait..if All Might retired a few years back... then number one actually!" She hummed as she herself started to think but eventually shook her head, eyes widening. 

Maiko quickly pulled out her phone, typing hurriedly into it and gasping, "(Y/n) wait! His son goes to UA! His son is reportedly one of the Big Three of his class!" She stopped, scrolling, "uh oh…" 

At this, you scrambled from your spot to her, pulling the phone from her hand to look at what the cause of this 'uh oh' was. 

It was a picture.  A picture of Endeavour's son. He had red and white hair, and a glare so deadly it probably would kill someone on sight. 

But what got you more was the fact that this was the guy from the mall earlier.  You had totally spilled a strawberry shake all over the number one hero's son, and the guy who you would be marrying after graduation. 

"This is...this is fucked. Im so screwed! Not only did I embarrass myself but now I've probably made it seem like im a clumsy girl who likes to shop all the time and now this...Todoroki guy is going to tell his father about me and then it'll ruin the arrangement and my father will kill me." You spouted off more worries until Maiko grabbed your shoulders, shaking you lightly.

"Hey! We aren't planning your funeral yet! Maybe we can meet up with him before you have to meet with his dad! I think I know one of the students at UA!" 

You looked to her, your breathing returning to normal as you nodded along, maybe that could work after all.

"Okay so, we ask whoever you know to get his number and text him about how it was me who spilled the drink and I wanted to apologize...and that Im also the girl he's meeting this weekend!" 

Maiko punched her fist into the palm of her hand, "Okay, lets set this plan into action! I'll text Kirishima!" 

You eyed her, realizing that you had never questioned how she knew anyone at UA, "While you do that, mind explaining to me about whoever this Kirishima is?" 

She only smiled for a moment, putting her phone down after sending him a message about Todoroki, "Oh! He and I work in the same coffee shop! Not everyone is super rich you know, but he's pretty nice guy, kinda cute too. But, you know how my mom is. Im surprised that she let me be friends with you, I swear, she's scared of anyone!" 

You gave a 'Mhhm' to her, knowing full and well that this was the coworker who she tended to talk about but never named, knowing that you'd probably show up to her work to try and get more information.  But hey, you'd leave it at that for now. 

"Well...I guess that now we wait for Kirishima to hopefully send us Todoroki's number?' 

"Now we wait! And with our good luck, by Wednesday we can smoothen out what happened at the mall…" 

You nodded once, as much as this plan seemed rickety, you were willing to take the chance. While you hated the idea of a marriage to whoever this young hero may be, you know that if you messed it up, your father would never let you live it down. 

[stumbleintothesun]

Life Rant

For the few people in here...sorry lmao this is long as hell.

Lately I've been feeling like...garbage. I know there's no one on this place that really follows me, so this is me posting to the void.

I have been dealing with a lot of health issues related to my mental health and weight. I've gained nearly twenty pounds in a year, and no matter what I do my weight doesn't budge. I work out regularly, Ive been trying to eat better but...my only thought is its because I'm working a desk job now - which I fucking hate with a fury. And I know my weight isnt the end of the world - it just really, really fucks with my mental health. I've always felt ugly. The only time I didn't was when I was super thin which I know is problematic - and I know that's part of my mental health...like my aunt died from an ED. And my mom definitely had/has an ED even if she's gotten much better about it in the past few years...

And I'm finally getting my face to clear up after wearing these masks for a year - a year! But I'm still dealing with the healing process and I'm anxious it will scar. I've worked this entire pandemic at a job I *hate* just to you know, finally pay off my student loans just go back to school so maybe I can do something I love. But even at 25 and providing for myself, I hardly got any financial help. The only thing saving me is my grades that got me a decent transfer scholarship.

But the first school I applied to wanted my high school transcript, even though I have an associate's degree, and because I'm, frankly, stupid I somehow missed that they needed it. So they threw out my application that I spent an otherwise four hours writing for.

So I'm going to Eastern, which frankly will be better for my mental health, but they don't have a tuition free program. So I'm going to have to borrow money after just finally paying off my single year at a liberal arts college debt that I took on when I was 17 (it ended up being like 30k to pay off). And it's all because I didn't fucking read right. So much for being a good student, I guess.

But it wouldn't have mattered because they would've hardly taken any of my classes despite most of them being from down the road and for an associate's degree! And even Eastern is giving me a hard time, despite my degree they say I don't have the basic level biology course - my degree is biology focused! I'm going into ecology! I have taken genetics, conservation biology, anatomy and physiology, cellular biology but I don't have intro bio? So now I have to test out, on top of working full time. Which is fine, its a good refresher...I'm just so overwhelmed with life right now. I have a stack of over 100 flash cards and I'm just anxious.

This is a year after my partner went through an ugly break up with their old fiance (we were poly), and their ex was an abusive POS who once told them if they came out as anything other than their assigned gender, he wouldn't date them anymore. He gaslit them constantly, made them feel like hell. So we finally got out, but he wanted the house they got together or 10k. He made over double what they make - and he always forced them to pay half the bills, including half of his fucking protein bullshit because it was "groceries." He knew they didn't have the funds. Because our friends are amazing, we were able to buy him off but he left the house trashed.

It fucking sucked, and they were also responsible for getting his name off the house which meant a refinance that we could hardly afford. We got lucky we were able to do it, but they hardly got anything back for it. And it was a *nightmare*. We finally got it done, after pulling teeth and it took six months. Four months longer than they said. And that entire time they were forced to occasionally reach out to him, their old abuser.

Finally we were free, but then I started having further issues at work. Between the pandemic, and working in a heavily red area during the election, I cried a lot. I work in customer service and while I make okay money for the industry, I'm constantly burned out. My colleagues are okay, but it feels stupid to leave just to find a job for three months to go back to school. Then I started being short in my drawer (I'm a teller at a bank). The final straw was being short $500. Now I'm on a work plan, and if Im short again, I'm out. And it's my fault. I don't know how it has been happening. So now I'm always on edge at work, triple checking everything. And I could leave, I could get another job but there's no promise I'll make what I do now, and in order for me to pay for the chunk of school I need to, I have to put away a certain amount every month.

I do have a grant of sorts for 5k per semester to help with bills, which will alleviate a lot once August arrives. And I know I'm crazy lucky to have that. So sometimes I feel like such an asshole about it. But we have a house to pay for and bills to pay. Just like everyone else. Ugh, I don't know.

I talked to my doctor about my weight, came in with calorie intake numbers and how much I work out with zero change. I cut out pop entirely from drinking it every day. Nothing has helped. So we switched my meds from Lexapro to Wellbutrin to see if I lose weight because of that. Nope, just having more mental break downs, steady weight, and my resting heart rate is abnormally high, stopping me from making a little extra cash donating plasma. So now I'm switching back to Lexapro with nothing gained other than. You know. Feeling like shit. Next up? Birth control coming out of my arm. Don't really need it anyway. And maybe that will help? But I don't think so. I'm not sure what to do.

I am genuinely trying to be healthy, eating more whole foods. More veggies. More home cooked meals. I love to cook, I'm just tired. And sometimes the air fryer and oven baked frozen foods are too easy to pass up. I'm trying to always eat breakfast. I'm working out again, we have a gym membership but there are so many men there and I dont always feel comfortable, because my partner has been anemic and they can't go yet. So I use our bike in the living room and do home workouts.

But when I did this last time there was zero change in weight or anything. Even when I ate really, really clean for three weeks and worked out for most days, tracking calories and everything. Nothing changed. My thyroid is fine, we've already checked it. I'm just tired.

This past year, other than being with my partner has fucking sucked. And this doesn't even cover all the shit they've dealt with with switching to they/them and a name change. I love them so much, and love that they are finally comfy but their parents were assholes about it. And that matters. It does, and I get it. I just wish I could help them more. I wish we had a break, a breather for longer than a day. Even then I can't relax, I'm too on edge. There's too much to be done. I need to earn money, I need to clean, I need to focus. I need to be productive in some way to justify if I'm not working on those things. It's...all dumb.

[flappypineapples]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23615143/chapters/58509889

Escapism Chapter 3

Matthew quickly swept Cordelia up into his arms and carried her into a side hallway leading into an ornately decorated retiring room.

Trying to grasp on to any control of the situation Matthew laid Cordelia out onto the nearrst loveseat and fell to his knees at her side.

He check first for a pulse; steady if not a little fast. And then he checked her temperature. She was sticky with sweat and flushed pink all over, radiating heat.

He couldn't drag her back out into the main room and drive home abandoning Anna and, subsequently causing a scene. He was on thin ice already for the last surprise Shadowhunter visit he didn't think an injured one on their hands would bode over well on anyone's side.

His mind was going a thousand miles a minute and none of the miles traveled were getting him anywhere. He cursed himself for not knowing what to do. He was usually reliable when push came to shove but here he was now.

Panicking. Helpless.

Matthew was debating going and looking for Anna when Cordelia started to stir. Startled Matthew jumped a little and pulled his hand back quickly from her forehead. However Cordelia's hand came up to grab his wrist before he could get too far.

Her glassy eyes peeled open slowly and gazed up at him through heavy lips.

"Matthew?"

"Oh thank goodness. Cordelia how are you feeling. Can you tell me where we are? How we got here?". Matthew contuned with every grounding question he could think up before noticing the far off look in her eyes.

"Cordelia can toy understand me? Cordelia." Matthew was starting to become more urgent but Cordelia just lazily shifted her gaze from the wallpaper to his face. She blinked slowly and let a lazy smile play at her lips and giggled.

Good god. She was drunk.

Matthew had spent so many hours with experienced drinkers and sturdy part goers who held their drink well he forgot what it was like for someone to be newly intoxicated. And, as he was starting to theorize, Cordelia did not hold her drink well on a good day. Especially not today where she had been keeping up if not beating Matthew to the bottle.

But that was just the thing. With her he felt almost no need to reach for the flask. To have that poisonous touch stone. He, was not as drunk as he was used to and this made him uneasy. It was not like him to be in the other person's shoes.

"You're much prettier than him". Cordelia mumbled low in her voice, letting her head sway back.

"Pardon?" Matthew said furrowing his brown

"When he change back and forth I was so delighted to see him wearing your face. I thought I would have to look at James forever."

This must've been what Cordelia saw in the shape changing man, him and James. But why?

His thoughts were inturpted by Cordelia lifting her hand to his head. She ran her fingers through his hair. Rough and callous; they were warrior hands. He had never thought of worked hands as more beautiful than in this moment.

Cordelia widened her eyes and gave Matthew an adorably serious gaze given the circumstances.

"Angel", she stated matter of factly.

Matthew chucked despite himself, "who? Me? Maybe one of the tiny mischievous cherubs painted on some clouds but no most certainly not an angel."

Cordelia was beginning to look frustrated with him now, scrunching up her nose at him.

"Your hair Matthew. Its like", another chuckle slipped in, "angel wings, golden and feathery."

Matthew was no stranger to observations about his hair. Most were either mocking remarks by the Merry Theives or a flirtatious coming on from a gentleman or lady at the bar.

But because it was her it all felt brand new.

Cordelia raised her other hand to his left cheek as her right hand came down from his hair to squeeze his cheeks in.

"It also looks very hard to maintain, like an angel. Can you imagine keeping all those feather untangled? I shudder at the thought of how many boars brushes I'd go through."

Matthew's face lit up and he laughed a short loud snort that was muffled and distorated dude to Cordelia still gripping his face.

"Matthew?"

"Hm?"

Cordelia relaxed her grib but didn't let her hands fall. "If I asked you to do me a favor would you do it?"

"Mhmm", he mustered out. Her string gaze was making him sweat like a soloist under a spot.

"Please kiss me Matthew. I'm so tired of being someone's second choice. I want to have one moment of my heart that is for myself and not stolen away from me by careless childish men and distant drunk fathers and whatever other battles iudt fight. For once I don't want to be a hero I just want to love and not be hurt." Her eyes were begining to fill with tears as Matthew gathered her into his arms.

He brought her down to the floor with his and rocked her back and forth while she cried. He didn't think he had ever seen her cry. Not even when her leg had been practically snapped in half after the battle with Belial.

But she cried now and Matthew would never let her feel weak for her. All true hero's cried, for the world is terrible and without tears theirs no expression of grief for what could've been.

Cordelia stopped shaking after a few minutes and stilled. Still gripping Matthew's shirt she looked up at him. All golden hair and golden skin. With the torch back lighting him one would think he really was an angel.

"Cordelia whatever you need from me to make this better. Say the world and I will bend heaven." His face searched hers frantically as he hesitantly reached up with his hand. His fingers brushing aside some stray curles that had stuck to her lips and cheeks in thr past couple minutes.

"Matthew I want to kiss you". Cordelia looked for sober than she had been moments before. Her eyes more level, like the crying rid her of her initial euphoria.

"Cordelia please-", Matthew began but was cut off

Cordelia began to draw back into herself. "Matthew if you don't wish to the we can simply pretend this never happened and blame it on the-"

Cordelia never got to finish her sentence.

Matthew gathered her up in his arms and leaned down to cover her lips with her own. Cordelia was quick to respond. She leaned in close to his chest tilting her head up to meet him.

There was a slow and luxurious passion to the method in which Matthew kissed her. He did not take liberties or assume what she wanted. His kisses were long and hot, like lava rolling down an island.

They grew impatient with this careful passion however. Cordelia reached out and cupped the back of Matthew's necks, using this leverage to pull gersl further into his lap. Between kisses Matthew pulled back and dipped his head under her jaw and kisses lightly.

"Break my heart Cordelia", he kissed her jaw line, "strike my face", he feathered a kiss on her cheek bone. "You'll wish to forget me come morning but for now let me be yours in this world we've created."

Cordelia pulled back and looked Matthew with her eyebrows drawn. She looked as if she was going to make a reply but instead she cried out in pain gripping her stomach.

Matthew pulled back from her as he himself was pulled back violently into the cold water memories of his mom's illness.

Cordelia stumbled to her feet and met his gaze in a panic before she crumpled forward infront of him. He rushed to catch her as she fell but only succeeded in softening her fall as she took him down to the floor as well.

----

Anna had been having quiet the night of sideshow and talent. She had learned to juggle with one hand and mix a particularly strong cocktail from the new mixologist who had been entranced by her eyes and who Anna has thought in return had the most lovely monolid and sharp jawline.

Thought the night was getting slower and she too was starting to wish to retire to bed.

She set off quite some time ago to locate Matthew and Cordelia but was having a hell of a time wrangling them. She was now searching the east wing retiring rooms in a last ditch attempt to locate them. Even if it meant finding them in a surprising manor. Thought, Anna doubted, Matthew would ever have it in him to break Jamse's heart and confess his obvious infatuation with the girl.

Then again, love is a two way path.

What she didn't expect to find was a colapsing Cordelia and Matthew grabbing at her like a drowning man in rapids.

She watched as Cordelia's stumble three Matthew off his feet and into the ground cushioning her fall and landing him on his knees, practically crushing her in his grib.

Matthew looked like a young boy again. One who had just broke their favorite new toy and had come to terms with the fact that things break. It broke their hearts like this moment now broke Anna's.

She had no time to react before Matthew looked up at her, hair falling over his forehead in a drastically unfashionable way as his wide eyes bore into her. He looked 13 again.

He croaked out in a heart shatteringly desparate tone.

"Help me."

Notes: Hey guys! Thank you for your patience with me taking so long to get back on the horse. I took a one month legally blonde obsession break on accident. I've read about 418,786 words of legally blonde Fanfiction and I'm reading to get back in the grind 😤. This one's a little short but I plan on posting the next chapter soon (like actually soon) so stay tuned :-).

[ariaintaiwan]

Day 3: That Went Better Than Expected

Today was the first day of classes, and I wasn't nervous going in because I knew that today would be introductions and the like, and I've spent a lot more time speaking Chinese in Chinese classes than anywhere else, so when I have to only use Chinese everywhere, a Chinese class because the place I'm by far most comfortable in. After the introductions, we had a break, and during the break, I had the only bad thing of the day happen. It turns out we had two assignments before the first class and when I checked my phone yesterday it had only shown me one, so I didn't do the reading that I needed for the second part of class. Thankfully it wasn't a big deal since I had a bit of time to read the story during the break and the reading was mostly words I already knew so I didn't need to memorize a ton of vocab, but it was definitely embarrassing and I did slip up on one of the words when I had to read aloud. After the reading, we had a group assignment where we had to discuss our answers to some opinion questions that post them online as a group. It was mostly fine but we didn't have enough time to answer them after the discussion so that was a bit annoying. It was no big deal though since I at least understood the questions and instructions, and that was the last part of class since we didn't have the meetings afterward that we're going to have in the future. We got out of class at lunch time, so I left to go get lunch. I ran into a group of classmates and we started talking, and I ended up going with them. They were trying to figure out how to say something in Chinese, and I was able to help them. That surprised me as I generally don't think I speak very good Chinese, and I was expecting to be one of the worst on my program, but it turned out I was the one in the group who spoke the most Chinese. They kept asking me questions, and I was able to answer a lot of them, so they started calling me "teacher" which was really funny but also genuinely gratifying and a nice confidence booster. Before getting lunch, we stopped at a stationery store and explored for a while. I ended up getting some compression gloves for my hands since I've wanted them for a while and they were half the price that they are in the US. I tried them out and omg I love those things. I never thing that my hands hurt in my day-to-day life, but then I put those on and suddenly feel a ton of relief from pain I didn't know was there. I also got some utensils so next time I want to eat fruit, I don't need to go on an hour-long quest to borrow a Swiss army knife that's nowhere near big enough for the job. After we left the stationery store, we started walking towards the hotel and looking for a restaurant on the way, and we ended up at a hot pot restaurant. Ordering was a challenge as the person in our group who spoke the least Chinese also has a severe peanut allergy, so we had to ask about that. There were separate issues with ordering that I don't really know what were since two of the other people went to order and I didn't hear it, but I eventually went up to help them since by that point I had accepted that I was the one there who spoke the best Chinese even if I'm not particularly great at it. The staff didn't understand what I was saying the majority of the time, but we eventually got our food, and it was incredible. I went with three other people, and it was only about 16 USD to feed the four of us. Rice, drinks, and ice cream were all free. They even had a passionfruit slush that I had a good few cups of, but they also had tea, soft drinks, etc.

After eating, we started heading back to the hotel. On the way, we ran into some old Taiwanese men eating outside a restaurant, and one of them apparently lived in the US back in the 90s, so he started talking to us. He asked my friend where they were from and talked to her for a while before mentioning that his friend's son was single and living in Seattle if anyone was looking for a Taiwanese man, which was funny. After that, we split up because two of us wanted to go back to the hotel and the other two wanted to go to get more time on their phones since the SIM cards we got only last until July 1st. Once I got back to the hotel, I wanted to do my homework since I had to do today's as well as go back and do the assignment I missed, but I was super tired when I got back and ended up having a nap first. I woke up at about 6:30, did homework for the next 3 hours, and went to 7/11 for a late dinner. I saw two of the people who I had lunch with there as well as another classmate, and I ended up talking to them for a while before heading back to the hotel to finish my food and write this post. It's now 11:15, which, incredibly shockingly by my standards, is later than I've been up since I got to Taiwan, so I'm ready to finally get to bed. Hopefully I can sleep quickly since I need to get to class early tomorrow, and tomorrow's also the first day that I travel there alone instead of with a group, so I've gotta give extra time for figuring that out. I'm a bit worried about that since I had the nap earlier, but it should be fine.

[thisnerdsadventures]

a summer to remember

hello friends, i definitely just abandoned this whole blog, now didn't i

well i am happy to report that i am still alive, and am thriving!

Here's a rundown of everything that has been going on:

[inserting a readmore because this is long af]

May

So in May, I was definitely just all over the place because I was 1) trying to finish a paper published in a conference!! it literally drove me insane. anyways, then i had to go and finish a 78 page thesis, which involved a really convoluted timeline because i had to finish it ~ a week before the actual deadline so my PI could read it over, but then i had to finish it a few days before THAT so my PhD supervisors could read it over, which meant that i had like one (1) week to write like. all of it.

Luckily I had most of the first half already written, during whatever shitshow April was (April was a lot of coding for the paper, and then not having time to write my thesis). But THEN i had to organize all the data from my own personal experiments, make figures, and draft the entire results section. AND i had like two final reports to do for my class, so my last weeks of academia looked like....

Of course, the day before my thesis was due, I pulled an all nighter, because, of course. What other way would I ever end my academic career. Submitted it though, and I graduated! [LINK TO MY THESIS]

Also! I got vaccinated and felt like death for a whole day, but then my friend came over and we ate fried chicken and watched this show called Miraculous, which is a kids show from France, but for some reason is actually hilarious and really entertaining. Then I felt better, so I proceeded to work on my thesis.

Also, I guess I should talk a little bit about the class I took this semester, which was an industrial organization economics class. We looked at things like how different markets are organized, why they are that way, what market concentration means, how mergers affect competition, and what kind of effect that may impose on consumers. For the final case study (which, I will say, I wrote like 2000 words in a single day, so . applause for me), I looked at the Nvidia-ARM merger and how that may or may not affect competition in the GPU market, the CPU market, and the mobile chip market. I think my analysis was a little bit more surface level, which was fine for me, since I'm by no means an economics expert or even remotely should have any expectations at all, but I read a lot and learned a lot and that's the goal!

So yes, my brief excursion into the field of economics was overall positive, I feel like I learned a lot and now I can read financial articles about the tech industry and not be completely lost, which, again, was the goal.

But yes, May was a lot of work, and once it wrapped up, I got to spend a lot of time with friends post-vaccination! After the 1 or 2 week mark after my second dose, I started going back to the gym, especially to play basketball with folks, which I had missed a lot. I spent a lot of time at my old dorm just hanging out, and got to have a cute salmon dinner over at my other friend's place. And we made cheesecake too.

June (MA->NY->MA->CA)

I finally went to visit my best friend in New York. I hadn't seen her in > 400 days, so it was really a very anticipated event, except we saw each other across the crosswalk, but then the light took like five minutes to turn green, so it was really anticlimactic. Anyways, we ended up bumming around New York and Long Island for a week, and it was nice to spend some time with her after such a long gap.

We spent a day at a vineyard and I fell asleep so

After getting back to Boston, my mom came back from Taiwan to help me move out of my apartment. It was a lot of finding people to sell things to, sweating because it was very hot that week, and praying everything would work out (it did). I also got to have a few final meals with various friends and my mom and I got to take one last lark down the Infinite, which I was really grateful for because it was the first time visitors got to go inside campus in over a year.

Also got into my school's MBA program! Yes i applied to a deferred program (which is like you get into a program, but you don't have to go for 2-5 years, as a way of getting in right after undergrad/grad school, but then accumulating some work experience first). It was hilarious, I was literally shopping in my campus store for a new sweatshirt and I got a phone call from the admissions office saying I got in. My mom had been pushing me to apply to grad programs, and I didn't tell her about it because I didn't know if I would actually follow through. But I got to surprise her with the news, and she was so happy she did the whole "calling all the relatives" thing again.

After flying home, I told myself I'd read more and exercise more, which I have been doing. I got a membership at Planet Fitness, which has been really good for me (going 3x a week), and I've made my way through at least 5 books this summer so far. My holds list at my local library is literally insane. (For recs, I recently read Normal People, which I absolutely devoured, and In the Dream House, which hit really hard for me.)

This summer was also really about reconnecting with high school friends. All three of us were unemployed, with plans to come in the fall, so we were all free to hang out all the time. We started out at the local library planning out a road trip, and we worked out a few times together, and a few coffee dates too. We took a fun day trip down to LA one day, and we visited Malibu, went to the Getty, hit up some local food places in the city. Driving down the PCH with Taylor Swift blaring and the windows down on a hot June day, just hits so different. There is nothing like it.

My friend's birthday was in June, so we put together a little video for her and bought some jewelry, and had a Zoom call to celebrate. Then I got BBQ with some friends and sat in the parking lot eating ice cream until 11 at night just trading stories from our pasts. It felt like the perfect summer life, just staying out until whenever, grabbing food wherever we wanted, with friends I had had for literally a whole decade.

It was already a really good summer, but then July. July was crazy.

July (CA -> MI -> CA -> NV -> CA -> WA -> OR -> CA)

So one Sunday morning, I woke up to a text

Actually, I'm going to do a separate post on the whole Michigan trip because that sh** was on another level of spontaneous, impulsive, crazy life stuff. But anyways, so July started off with a trip to Michigan to visit my friends, and then I came back for the 4th, had 36 hours of rest before my high school friends and I went on a road trip.

This road trip was a little ambitious. We hit spots all up California, from hiking in Sequoia Nat'l Park to Kings Canyon, driving up to Sacramento and visiting art museums, and then going up to Tahoe but staying in Nevada, going kayaking and hiking and sitting on the beach for hours. It was reallllllly hot, but luckily I don't think it ever broke 90 degrees. The views were beautiful, especially at Kings Canyon. The drive in, you're surrounded by huge rock walls, with a thin river rushing by next to you. The hike itself literally feels like you're in nature, like the trail is somewhat defined but not paved, there are no sounds of traffic, the path isn't heavily trafficked so we were the only ones there for the most part. We even saw a deer and washed our faces in the river. Throughout the whole thing, we climbed into so many waterfalls, trying not to slip on rocks.

I hadn't been to Sacramento in over a decade, but it was a cute day trip. There isn't a ton to do there, but it was a nice reprieve from the constant driving and nature. We visited the Leland Stanford Mansion, the Crocker Art Museum, and Old Town Sacramento. A good chance to get a nice coffee, a sit-down meal, and some air conditioning. At Tahoe, we went kayaking on Pope Beach, with the clearest water I have ever seen, followed up by a hike up to a beautiful view of the Lake.

On our way back, we stopped at a lot of interesting places, like small towns like Lee Vining, where we found an Upside Down House; Manzanar, the site of an old Japanese internment camp during the WWII era (which also hit hard); and Randsburg, a literal living ghost town. Overall, getting to travel with my friends finally was so fun, they were so much fun to be around for five days, and getting to explore so much of California was so fun - even though I'd been here for so long, I never knew these places existed.

So I came back and had around 48 hours to recover before my mom and I took a trip up to the Pacific Northwest!

I've always wanted to visit Seattle, and figured I'd hit Portland on the way too. We originally wanted to go to Hawaii but it got so expensive by the middle of the summer, so we decided to stay a little closer to home (probs the better decision bc I was already so tired by this point).

Seattle! Got to visit Pike Place Market many times, grab some coffee at the original Starbucks, see Mt. Rainier, and grab food with three friends! Also went to Bainbridge Island for a day which was SO cute - got to do an olive oil/balsamic vinegar tasting, which sounds so extra, but is actually really unexpectedly fun. At Starbs, I did a cold brew flight, which resulted in a rough night of tossing and turning for me, but I think it was worth it. Other things included the Pinball Museum, Space Needle, and Chihuly Glass Museum!

So I lowkey really wanted to visit Portland because I wanted to achieve a long-lasting dream of seeing an NWSL game in person. So I went to the Thorns Pride game!!

The Thorns fanbase is actually insane, I cannot express to you, like there's this whole fan section that actually did synchronized cheers and routines and was actually ROARING when they scored the entire game. I swear the audience was actually watching them at points instead of the match. Overall, the stadium was going crazy, like I thought I was at a tied Celtics-Bucks game with how loud it was in there. Also I swear, Ali Krieger made eye contact with me and waved.

In addition to that, Portland also has a huge rose garden, a nice Japanese tea garden, a lot of good donut stores and a huge bookstore, so all very up my alley. We also took a day trip to see Mt. Hood and more waterfalls!!

That's a summary of the SEA - PDX trip. Once I got home, my high school friends and I did not waste any time on reuniting to hang out - we went and played ball, grabbed lunch, and then coffee, and then did the same exact thing like two days later and watched a bunch of TikToks, and then spent a whole day at the beach to send my good friend off to medical school in Arizona. They somehow convinced me to go in the water and I got body checked by a wave.

Saw this sculpture on the beach and teared up a little

So proud of my friends for making it to med school, I am so excited to see them at their white coat ceremonies and beyond, I swear I will cry at every step of the way I'm so happy for them. Now that July is pretty much over, most of my fun summer plans are too, and I finally get a chance to catch my breath from that busy busy month. Spending a lot of time watching the Olympics and trying to muster up the motivation to start a fulltime job in < 1 month!!

Overall, I feel like I've been having a really solid summer given the year that was the covid year. I had a Lot of fun, literally probably two summers worth of fun consolidated into one. I think in the beginning of the year, I really wanted this summer to be good, and I didn't have a lot of set plans for the summer, even by the end of May. But somehow, things came together, like Really together, and I had the best summer of my life in this summer 2021. On top of that, I'm reading more than I have since probably middle school, I feel the most in shape that I ever have, I can DRIVE NOW. Only thing that would've made it better was if I got to go back to Taiwan to visit the fam, but unfortunately I can't go back because of strict travel restrictions there and they had a COVID outbreak too :/ I still got around 3.5 weeks of summer to go, so we'll see how the rest goes :)