#i've been busy lately but i still love my tumblr mutuals!

[nervocat]

man.

[vsaintsin]

Writeblr Re-Intro

Yo! I'm V Saintsin. Or V or Vin or Saintsin or whatever you want to call me that sounds right on your tongue. I'm a self-proclaimed Social Media fumbler who got a late start to the party and has never quite figured it out. I hate how hipster and edgy it sounds to say "I'm bad at social media" but like I used to work with some people who actually managed the social media accounts for the business we worked for and there were rules and whatnot and damn, I think online media is just not my medium. That being said, here I am! Hah

I'm an author and general mess who's hoping to be the miracle man (somebody who makes a living writing silly little stories). I do use a pseudonym but please hear me out when I say I didn't realize how edgy it sounds, it just has some sentimental value to my personal life. I'm so sorry that I sound like I'm in my emo phase HAHA

About me -

He/Him Transguy from the American Midwest (arguably the south, depending on who you talk to, but the older people still say "Sodi-pop" and "ope").

I'm dysautonomic, bendy, permanently sleepy, and a survivor of Crappy Doctors Who Suck At Doctoring.

I like DnD, Pathfinder, Baldur's Gate 3, Cyberpunk, Dragon Age, and other things in that vein.

I do make art of my stories and characters (Tablet is currently not working so I'm in a dry spell).

My writing background is predominantly ancient, dusty RPs from as far back as the foopets days and fanfic writing on Quizilla - I am an old and wizened elder of the net.

My formal education was music performance and behavioral neuroscience, I don't really know how I got where I am.

This is not my first rodeo with tumblr but it is the first time I have anything to SAY instead of just lurking.

In the event of malfunction, you can put me outside for 5 minutes and I'll probably factory reset.

My existence as I know it hinges on a massive number of sticky notes plastered throughout my room.

What I'm lookin' for -

Idk, whatever? I'm down for most things. Did you write it? Cool, let me see. I'm not too bent on genre or anything, just fascinated by the art of storytelling.

A bit tentative with fanfiction but that's just because if it's not a fandom I'm familiar with I am rather clueless about what the hell is going on and if it's a fandom I am familiar with I HUNT DOWN THE DEEP LORE.

I like art a whole lot, including fanart. Also art advice, love seeing things from different perspectives and learning something new.

Mutuals, really, for any reason. Building better connections on here, getting to know people. I am hideously bad at this but I try.

What I write -

Science Fiction with heavy subjects that matter to me - trigger warnings on a story-by-story basis.

High Fantasy (eventually books I think?) characters and their backgrounds for DnD and Pathfinder - I have been tempted to share these to help people get ideas or just for free use?

Things that I delete because I have crippling imposter syndrome and publishing makes me nauseous (doin' it tho).

Stories that I hope will make people feel less alone or that people could relate to, stories that I wish I had when life was worse and I was reaching out for anything I could find to keep me afloat, stories that try to be critical of things that SUCK in a way that's any helpful.

Lots of curse words and cussing (that's just how people talk 'round here), dubious science, things that I hope might make you cry but in a good way though.

Character-Driven stories that revolve more around the development of the person and less around the plot itself if that makes sense.

I've put blurb things below for my primary project/series which features a grumpy, queer, 37-year old chain smoking Frenchman and his misadventures with life and love and unbridled rage. If any of that sounds cool stick around and hang out? (This part is a plug bc I did a thing and I'm proud of it) And if my books sounds interesting the first one is 99 cents on Kindle and you just need a phone and a free app to read it!

THE SECRET OF LIFE (Published) - Sci-Fi/Psychological Thriller, Bi M Lead, Lovers to Enemies, AI but the oldschool cool kind not the real world thing that's stealing our future

Carlisle-Trystan Antoinette is a mercenary on a hard road, navigating life and death itself in an infinite cycle started by powers above his understanding. He has one mission - warn The Dianican Space Station of the coming threat and put a stop to a war that would encapsulate the whole of the Sol System before it can ever begin. Unfortunately for Carlisle, reality is a tenuous thing, made up only by our understanding of it. At least, according to his Psychiatrist, who tells him that there is no war, that he was never a mercenary, and that what Carlisle is experiencing is a severe but manageable psychotic break. Stripped of his combat enhancements, his bio monitor, and everything he's every known, Carlisle has a decision to make. Does he give in to the thoughts and memories, so real that he can almost taste them, or does he live a life of comfort and ease, returning to a husband and daughter that he left behind?

TWs: Domestic and War Violence, suicide, rape, medical trauma, grief, drug use

THE SILENCE OF ANGELS (Due 2024, TSoL 2) - Betrayal and Rage, Learning how to love again slow-burn romantic subplot, Learning how to Dad, A general inability for any one thing to just go right

(Quick Rough Blurb that offers no spoilers for TSoL) Making connections isn't easy for somebody who's accustomed to burning bridges. Isolation has always been Carlisle's mantra for surviving his life. Playing a role comes second nature, pretending to be the man that everyone else wants to see in him. When an old friend is murdered Carlisle finds himself as the primary suspect with all evidence pointing to him so clearly that even he calls to question what he is capable of. Unwilling to believe that he could commit such a heinous crime, Carlisle sets off to find the truth of his friend's death - was Carlisle framed or does he truly have the capacity to bring such harm upon those he loves? Old and new bonds will be tested, faith broken, and the future of everyone called into question as lines are drawn and sides are picked.

TWs: Violence, mentions of SA, graphic character death, more grief, more death

I don't know what else to say... Later!

[beomsl]

.

i know this is nobody's business and probably no one even cares in the first place, but i just wanted to use this space to rant a bit cause i need to get it off my chest.

i've been dealing with a lot lately. simple things like college, job, brother issues, friends issues too, money; but also more serious matters like health and loss. my cousin has been sick for a couple of weeks and recently he passed away, which was completely heartbreaking to everyone cause he was my age and it looked like he was just getting better. i'm destroyed, i'm really struggling and on top of that my birthday was just a few days ago and i felt so down. i feel lonely. thankfully i have a beautiful family, but still, i feel very left out, unwanted, unappreciated, unsupported, just so so lonely. i don't even feel well when i come here anymore, and i don't think it's a time where i should be adding more negativity into my life.

this being said, i think i'm going to take an undefined time away from tumblr. i don't want to go back to old habits to suppress my anxiety, and lately anxious is the only way i've been feeling when i open this app. all social media actually, but this one is the one i'm most attached to and people who's been following me for some years now know that cause i always end up coming back, so it really hurts me how sick this place makes me lately :( i won't deactivate cause i don't want to lose the good memories i made here, but honestly, i really would.

sorry for the ranting. i know this is too personal, but i just needed to let it out and after all, this is my blog. thank you to the mutuals that have been nice to me from the start, when i first made this silly blog :') i really love you and you'll be on my heart forever. hopefully, i'll come back later. if not, thank you for all the special moments <3 take care!

[peachypede]

Hi all.

I haven't been happy lately. I've been thinking a lot about why. Had a little meditation on it this morning. I think my brain is too busy. I've decided to take a break from Tumblr for a week. Possibly more if I feel like it.

I'm deleting Tumblr off my phone for now. Mutuals can still message on Discord. I'm a sahm, I'll go crazy with zero human interaction other than children lol. (If you're a mutual who doesnt have my Discord and you want it, feel free to DM to ask for it. I got notifs on for Dms on Tumblr on my tablet only)

...

There's this constant pressure, almost need? To churn out as much "content" as possible or be buried in the past. Idk if it's just me not being able to do art normally? I used to draw for myself. I used to be self-indulgent. I used to be fine with only my closest online friends seeing my art. I don't know what changed. It makes me feel ill that ive begun seeing my art as "content" that others "consume". I wanna make my art for me again.

I stayed up till 11 pm last night despite having to wake up at any time to feed the baby. Idk why I did it? Maybe I need a med change? Meh.

I've also just been discouraged. I've seen a lot of posts filled with hate lately and I feel like it's infecting me with hatred too. I'm angrier lately and I hate it. (Is there a way to turn off the "for you" page?? Cause all it gives me is bad takes lol.)

I think I need time to be me? To draw art without feeling like I should post it right away. Also it'd be nice to make art without thinking: "what will get the most notes?" I've wanted to do a project with my ocs for months now but I kinda have been putting it off in order to make stuff I think people would like more...like Submas stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love our submas boys and I'm still gonna draw stuff with them but they're not the thing I'm most passionate about now.

So I'm gonna go explore that stuff now with zero social media influence :)

See ya later. ❤️

[tywvin]

hello! i doubt anyone will see this as i don't think any of my mutuals from back then is still active, but how's everyone doing?

i know i've been back and forth with this blog, but this summer i'm doing a lot of... reflecting on things and as it turns out i love editing and creating stuff for media i love and very much enjoy the more pale/b&w aesthetic that was Big™ here back when i was active so i decided to come back here, at least for the time being

i will keep writing under the read more for anyone who's interested but tl;dr is that i'm trying to come back at my own pace without so much stress on keeping a super neat tagging system or aesthetic, just for the sake of going back to my roots (lol) and creating more stuff! if there's still someone out there i'd love to reconnect! <33333

i do have another blog now for more personal stuff & everything that just doesn't fit this blog, you can check it at @joohto. it's under a different account so i can keep things separate!

hi! if you're here i assume you want to know a bit more so let me explain everything a bit. these past few years have been hectic & i can only assume next year will be too, but i kinda miss creating stuff and spending hours creating and not consuming content all the time. as of lately i've been trying to reconnect with my hobbies after a long period of my life being only gym + uni + socializing and i'm realizing how much i missed this </3 so i decided to revive this blog with little to no hope of being super active but definitely the intention of using it to reconnect with my passion for editing!

i've been busy with finishing my bachelor's degree (!!) & my master's degree (!!!!!!) & WORKING (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) for the very first time in my life. needless to say it's been an Experience™ and i've barely had time for anything aside from what i just listed but i'm more and more aware of how much i missed tumblr and how much i want/need a creative outlet so here i am!

i'm still debating over keeping my dark/non-pale sideblog (@fattalflaw) but i will for the time being i think... idk if i'll post anything though :<

also trying to revive @finesources so if any of you are interested in being members too i'm definitely down to talk!!! lmk <3

i don't have much else to say... it feels so weird, but so nice to be back! ~

[thenotebookwizard]

Seven years?

Seven years ago today, I lost my fiance to a stroke. They and I didn't meet on tumblr, but tumblr forged a lot of our relationships and mutual friends.

Tumblr was our internet home, and super important to them. They got me on Ye Olde Hellsite, and today I miss them - a lot. Seven years, and you're still helping me chart my course. Seven years, and you're still changing the way I think.

Remembering how you dealt with anxiety helped me when I suddenly got anxiety in my late 30s. (Oh, you would have been empathetic, compassionate, and teased me mercilessly.)

I think, as my first real 'new' fandom in a long time, you would have loved She-Ra even more than I do. You would have been there for the side characters. You would have been there for the characters I don't understand, and you would have helped me see them - and write them - clearer.

And oh, you would have given me such shit for having so many longfic ideas. And been poking me (literally) for writing more angst, not fluff.

I miss you today as much as I missed you then.

(And you would have loved the new kittens. Spoiled them. And laughed at me when Adora cuddles instead of letting me write.)

I know since you've gone, some of your favorites have passed on. You've met the Green Ranger. You've met Bray Wyatt. I know you're on the next great adventure, surrounded by the dogs and cats that got there first.

Though it's going to be awhile, I know I'll see you again.

Below the cut, I've shared the eulogy I wrote and gave for Kalen.

A Eulogy for Kalen Lei Perez (February 27, 1991 - June 1, 2017) Service held: June 24, 2017 at Cook Walden Capitol Parks, Austin TX

I want to talk to you about fear and I want to talk to you about courage - because I can't talk about Kalen without talking about the experiences that framed her life. Fear and courage are not two sides of the same coin; you can be afraid without being courageous, but you cannot be courageous without first being afraid.

And Kalen was always afraid.

She experienced the world through fear created by anxiety. What most people call 'mental illness' is commonly thought of as disorders of behavior - of thinking, feeling and reacting in the 'wrong' way. But Kalen and I always thought of mental illness as neurological conditions, of something physically wrong with that most important organ - the brain - causing someone to have disordered responses to common stimuli. To her and to me, 'mental illness' is an physical as a broken leg.

I'm not talking to you about mental illness to lecture about how awfully we think about and treat people with these conditions, but to give you an idea of who she was how she thought and why it matters. Because Kalen saw her illness the way she did she knew her brain was lying to her all the time. Her brain lied about what she should have been afraid of, why she should have been afraid and all the terrible ways she should have dealt with her fear. She was legally blind, had essential tremors and brain damage from concussions that caused never ending vertigo. Her brain lied to her about what the world looked like. About where the ground was under her feet.

She had to be unspeakably brave just to just stand up in the morning and take a few steps away from our bed. She had to summon immense courage to walk out our front door. And she did. She got out of bed. She went out our front door, even though going out your front door and stepping onto the road is a dangerous business - if she lost her step, she might never find her footing again.

She lived her life like a hero from stories. "Go back?" She would ask. "No good at all! Go sideways? Possible, but why? Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" And so up she would get and trot along, cane in one hand and the other hand feeling the wall.

And she kept going forward, because 'little by little, one travels far.'

Kalen knew better than most what kind of terrible things can happen to people when they go out their front door or even when they stay at home. She didn't let that stop her; while the world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places, Kalen knew there is still much that is fair.

Of course, she believed this because of statistics and math. She knew her brain lied to her about the probability of those terrible things befalling her, of encountering those awful people. So she memorized statistics and did the math. Those statistics and that math told her she was more likely to be struck by lightning than it was that most of those awful things would happen to her.

She relied on that empirical proof to overcome the lies her brain told her- and she walked out our front door, talked to people and did all the things she could live a full and fulfilling life. Many of us were lucky enough to get to know her because she chose to believe facts instead of fears.

She would be laughing at me right now, with all my paraphrasing JRR Tolkien and all my comparing her to a hero - and she did love heroes and stories about heroes. She would argue - and she did love to argue - that she was a simple person living a simple life. Tolkien would, say that 'it is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life' - but Kalen didn't know how to do simple, no matter how often she claimed she did. If there was a more difficult path to take, she would take it, just to see if she could. What hero could resist challenging themselves?

And how could I not make the comparison?

We met in a place called Dragon's Lair after all. She was a work study student and I was assigned to train her. She stuck with me, working even when she didn't have to, because she was determined to make her temporary job into a permanent job. It didn't take long before all the geeks (which is to say 'everyone we worked with') were calling her my Padawan - which is 'Star Wars' for protege.

I didn't know it at the time, but she was determined to change my role in her life from temporary to permanent. Much like when we adopted our first dog, she had chosen the largest, fluffiest and most pathetic creature in the room and decided to keep them. I do not have the words to say how I glad I am that she did.

I didn't make it easy for her to convince me we should be together, because I'm often too stubborn for my own good. She was sneaky about it, too, always getting me to take her to dinner to discuss things. At first, work - and later my objections to dating again at all - and eventually my objections to dating someone so much younger than me.

I couldn't understand. How could she want to be with me, when my life was a quicksand quagmire of bad decisions and absurdly impossible hopes too vague to even be ideas? But she was right about us and in what felt like no time at all, Kalen became an integral, important part of my life - the first person I wanted to see in the morning and who I wanted to talk to just before I slept. The more time I spent with her, the more my life became about us - about her - instead of about me; the more time I spent with her, the firmer the ground under my feet.

Between Kalen's courageous refusal to give up on me and some sage scolding from my mother - whom she had somehow enlisted to her cause - she and I got (officially) together soon after she got a full time position at Dragon's Lair - which she held until she literally could not work.

I am forever grateful she didn't give up on me, because she brought depth and magnitude and meaning into my life that I didn't know I needed, even when I was living the geek dream of working at comic and game store. An awesome adventure to be sure, but not one most of us can make a career of.

She could have, though. She wanted to.

And as far as I know, that job was still there, waiting for her get better. If anyone could have made it back to work after everything she'd gone through, it would be Kalen. Like every hero, she achieved things the rest of us marvel at.

That job meant a lot to her - not just because she was exceptionally good at it, but because of what she got to share with people. Kalen actively sought out joy - sought out things to be happy about, things to enjoy and things to explore - and people she wanted to keep. Every person she met knew it. Could feel it - the light she carried with her and that childlike excitement she refused to give up, that she shared with us all the time.

And that was her job. To share that joy with everyone who walked into that store.

It took heroic courage for her to do her job when her anxiety told her to be afraid of people, afraid of making a mistake - any mistake, afraid of disappointing other people - or worse, herself. Every day, she overcame her fears and did her job with exuberance. But she didn't just overcome the fear once a day when she went to work. Or a few times a day at work. Every moment of every day was a heroic choice to face and overcome her fear.

That decision to be courageous didn't stop when she couldn't work anymore. Some of you know that last November, she had her first seizure and spent a few weeks in the hospital. Soon after she got home, we had to let our first dog - a Great Pyrenees named Odin - cross the rainbow bridge. We still had our dog Patch, but one dog was not enough dogs for Kalen and she was worried Patch would be lonely once she got back to work and wouldn't be at home all the time. So, we looked for a new dog and found Texas Great Pyrenees Rescue. We went to one event - less than a month after she got out of the hospital - and before we left, Kalen had decided she wanted to foster rescue dogs. So, we fostered rescue dogs. Not always an easy thing, but it is worth doing.

We never missed a rescue event after that. No matter how bad she felt, no matter how weak her legs were, how much her hands shook, how uncertain that ground under her feet was, no matter how loudly her brained screamed lies and fears at her - she went to every single event. Because she was going to be a voice for those hurt and scared dogs and make sure they found their people.

That was heroic, too. Because it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay - the small acts of kindness and love.

Kalen wasn't just courageous for herself - she had courage enough she could (and did) share it with the rest of us. She encouraged us to be writers, artists, dancers, actors, business owners - anything and everything we thought we wanted to do, Kalen was there to tell us to do it.

Because - why not?

That was her secret. She was always afraid, so there was no reason not to do things. Her brain told her nothing could ever go well, so there was no reason not to try to do the big, scary things. And she would be right there beside you the entire journey. Kalen never lost faith in her people, no matter how hard things got. She agreed with Tolkien - faithless are they who say farewell when the road darkens.

She gave me courage when it was time for me to leave Dragon's Lair and rebuild an old career. She gave me courage when it was finally time for me to seriously pursue being a professional writer. She gave me courage to keep working and fighting even when my own illnesses and conditions made me just want to lay down and sleep. She gave me hope as I considered a future where I could end up disabled and wracked with pain. She shared with me her joy, her excitement, her love and her life and gave me everything I never knew I wanted from a relationship.

Now, standing here without her, I've realized it's my turn to be afraid - because - because I am afraid to go forward in life without her. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go next or what I'm supposed to do next, but I do know that I cannot go backwards, there is no reason to go sideways, so I will pick up my bag and I will keep going forward, even if I have to put one hand on the wall so I don't fall over.

I will keep going forward because she showed me how. And I will try to carry that depth, meaning and magnitude she gave me with me for the rest of my life. She would never have believed it, but she was the small person Tolkien envisioned who changed the course of my future, who showed me it was possible to do impossible things.

And I will say goodbye with one last thought from Tolkien: that I was glad to have gone through one lifetime with her than have faced all the ages of my life without her.

[crestfallercanyon]

weekly tag wednesday ☁️

thanks for the tag @mmmichyyy!!! Been a while since I've actually done one of these but I'm always excited to see others tags <3

name: crest

age: late 20s

your time zone: actually currently it's mountain time but that's not typical.

what do you do for work? I'm an attorney.

do you have any pets? yes, I have one cat, he's adorable.

what first drew you to this fandom? admittedly I at first started seeing gifsets, and then I realized they were coming from a beloved mutual @go-catch-a-chickn and I was slowly becoming obsessed and wanted to know more about the show, talked to my sibling who has already seen Shameless too, and then when I finally made the plunge everyone was SO NICE and LOVELY! So while I'm back to being a bit on the fringes (of all things fandom lately, not just Shameless) I do still adore it.

are you a morning person or a night owl? quite genuinely I am both and neither. It really depends on how well I've slept, how much time to myself I feel I've had, or how busy I am.

what are your hobbies? writing, getting back into drawing, video games, hiking, I play an instrument in my community orchestra as well, as well as others.

how tall are you? 5'4ish?

if you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? I don't know actually -- some days I just want to go back to the midwest, other days I want to live in New York and experience that. I'm pretty happy where I'm at, though.

favorite color? green

favorite book? Oof, favorites are really hard. I don't know if I have a true favorite book, just recency bias lmao. I absolutely loved This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone. However, I will say, I actually reread The Southern Reach trilogy by Jeff Vandermere (particularly the first two books, Annihilation and Authority) fairly often. It is one of the most compelling stories I've read, and every time I reread it I catch a new clue as to what's going on and a new creepy detail.

favorite movie? Steel Magnolias. No other movie makes me laugh and cry as hard as that one does.

favorite fic? there's so many, I've read in so many different fandoms, too, this isn't really quantifiable. That being said, I probably reread Stag and Wolf, Wyvern and Rabbit by deadlifts (Fire Emblem Three Houses Claude/Felix fic) the most. I've also read Ready (Maze Runner Gally/Minho fic) by comebacknow a lot. They're both amazing, I greatly recommend.

favorite musical artist: glass animals and the japanese house. this is also subject to change all the time, but I adore these two for sure.

what is your average screen time so far this week? way too fucking high. I've been easily distracted recently.

what’s the first app you open in the morning? this will date me for sure -- probably snapchat. i've got streaks with friends spanning years, not about to let 'em die.

how long have you been on tumblr? not until around the pandemic area, think 2021? My vibe screams I was on tumblr when I was a preteen, but when I was a kid we only had one computer for the whole house and it was ancient -- which means I never got to use it and had actually never heard of tumblr until after it "died" the first time.

finally (and i know this one is hard) tell me a fun fact about yourself: no one ever expects it, but I'm actually a pretty good dancer, and I love to go salsa dancing.

no pressure tags: @go-catch-a-chickn, @michellemisfit, @jrooc, @callivich, and anyone else who wants to join!

[lunarubra]

This is me blabbing away and trying to make sense of this crazy moment that's my life... Kind of like a PSA, without a real structure.

(Let's start with an apology, this was supposed to be short, just a couple of lines long, asking for some forgiveness for being so absent, and it turned into a small vent about my crazy life. Synthesis has never been one of my strongest features, apparently.)

Life has been crazy lately. April, May, and June are always hectic months for a teacher, and this year looks like it's going to be even worse. Right now, I'm juggling a full teaching post, a university research, a social life with a partner, a new kitten bringing me everyday dead lizards (she is a serial killer in disguise), and being selected as an internal commissioner for the high school diploma this year. And no, the last one is not an honor; it's more like a punishment for younger professors who don't have the authority to say no to older colleagues, plus a ton of paperwork and two more months of work while everyone else is on holiday. Yuppie for me. But joking aside, I'm not complaining about my job. I'm happy to teach, and compared to a lot of other jobs out there, I feel privileged to do what I'm doing. I love my kiddos, and even though most of the time they behave like dunderheads, teaching supports my creativity and gives me so many insights into my life.

But let's get to the point of all this. I am feeling slightly guilty for not being as active here as I should be and for not having enough mental energy and time to dedicate myself to writing more. To my lovely mutuals, I'm in awe of all that you're posting right now. I apologize for not replying and commenting on your amazing content as much as I would like. I just wanted to say, it's not because I'm disappearing; I'm just really busy, and I can't wait for the moment when I'll feel more chilled and can treat myself to all your new chapters, moodboards, and all the amazing content you're creating. I know I am being a small silent weight in your tag list, so thank you for still including me <3

About "Shadow of the Sea," I have a chapter ready and one WIP of the following one. I want to post the one that's ready sometime in the next week, but after that, I'm not sure when I'll be able to write the next one. So Jiyan and Cillian are taking a small break. I'm going to continue the story; this is not a goodbye. I have many ideas and plans for those two idiots; I'm just waiting for some writing energy and time in my schedule.

And yeah, I understand if you're thinking, "Are you aware that your blog and story are read by less than 10 people and no one really gives a damn?" Yes, I am aware, and this post is mostly for me, writing it down it helps me a lot, giving some sort of clarity. However, I've had the chance to meet amazing creators since I got busy on Tumblr again a couple of months ago. People who supported me and helped me, so this is more me trying to explain why my support isn't at its 100% right now and trying to excuse myself since I feel like a horrible mutual right now.

Ah, one last thing, maybe the only thing that will pop up on my blog are some "Slow Horses" GIFs. Thanks to Alex, @cillmequick, Jackson Lamb, and River Cartwright have become my new obsession, and creating GIFs is one of the few things that calm me after a busy hectic day and make me use some of that creative energy left.

I think that's it. Please still free to write me and contact me about my fic, blog, shenanigans; I will try to reply as soon as possible. Sending you all a big hug if you arrive till the end of this long long lengthy text xD

[alluralater]

*raises hand* I volunteer to be a mutual/friend! Please accept the following as a few points to pitch my position:

- I'd write you sweet little poems to try and brighten your day;

- I don't know how funny I am (objectively speaking that is, personally I think I can be hilarious at times) but definitely have been known to be goofy;

- You can expect movie and tv show references or random thoughts at odd times of the day;

- I'm a chronic good morning/ good night texter, love late night talks too, though I can sometimes fall asleep in a conversation. But I do make for being a good listener;

- I'm a (multiple) paragraph texter (a.k.a. I can talk a lot which I suppose is something that some people enjoy more than others);

- As you already know I can be quite flirty (I mean how can I not tell you that you're more beautiful than a star filled night sky or that a kiss from your lips would be the sweetest touch).

Please accept this as my formal application!

- ♠️

hi!! i actually have a few of your asks still in my inbox (could be more. i've been terrible at answering lately because i'm so busy) but was wondering if you'd show up in relation to this! definitely please drop me your tumblr and i'll take a look <3

[mrswinnie04]

Midnight Rants

This is me being angsty because listening to Chase Atlantic at 10 o'clock at night is my version of bad decisions in terms of writing and contemplating Tinhatter business. I digress.

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Since entering the J2 community circa January 2023, I have fallen so deeply in love with the relationship Jensen and Jared have for one another. It's beautiful. Powerful. And no matter if they're together physically, or not, their relationship seems to be a vast ocean of love and adoration. Anyone watching previous cons/interviews close enough can see the amount of love the two have for one another, whether that be platonic or romantic. And I think this love---this feeling of mutual trust and respect---will stay with them forever. After death. Into the next life (if you believe in that sort of thing).

I want to begin this little post by stating the fact that I do NOT know the true extent of J2's situation (ie. how the bearding works, loving one another, and the extent of things they do for their relationship). I don't know if the two boys are truly happy in their situation (ie. the bearding and not being able to be public), or, if they make their lives work with the way it is and are satisfied enough to continue on.

Before I continue, I just want to say that I am still fairly new to the tinhatter/SPN community, and I don't think I started reading about the "bearding" situation until a month ago. While it is still new to me, something deep in my heart felt for the words/theories people were writing about on Tumblr/Twitter. Hell, take a look at the panels from the past 15 years and tell me those boys' relationship just doesn't strike something deep in your heart? Make you the least bit curious as to how far that love for one another goes? I've read Speak the Truth and countless striking posts/blogs about the extent PR will go or how things just don't connect in terms of SM postings from the wives, the boys, and others around them. To say a part of me isn't convinced would be a lie. Nevertheless, I wanted to reiterate the fact that I'm new to this tinhatter community because while 80% of me believes so deeply in J2 "bearding", another part of me occasionally doubts it. But I think that's okay, because this "if?" or "how?" on J2's "bearding" theories will never deter the fact that I will always stand by the notion that Jensen and Jared's love and adoration for each other would cross oceans. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing.

However, the reason I wanted to write this post today has to do with the "bearding" theories I've been reading about... Ironic, huh? I've been more and more convinced about it everyday.

The idea of J2 being in "bearded relationships" is something that often keeps me awake. It's the "hiding in plain sight" that sometimes breaks my heart a little, even though I know the boys will always find their way back to one another. (Again, I just want to reiterate that I am still VERY new to the tinhatter community, but am just jotting down some things I think about occasionally).

I completely understand, as of reading several blogs lately, that if J2 are bearding, it's because they had to (ie. homophobic society/industry, PR, etc...). It was to protect themselves. One another. To keep their lives for themselves. Nevertheless, I think a part of me will always find their situation to be a little tragic. Heartbreaking, in its own way. And a part of me thinks that they do too.

I don't know... I might be rambling right now, but I think there is a tragedy to loving someone so much but never being able to love them like others can love their spouses. There is a tragedy to having to force yourself not to reach for them in public. To hold them close. To do things that others can with their significant others. It's all like a glass cage---a see but don't touch kind of thing.

It breaks my heart that this whole bearding thing will always force J2 to look back over their shoulders at other another as PR and other stuff tugs them by the hand, away from one another. As weddings were had and families were grown, a part of my heart breaks at the thought of Jensen and Jared constantly looking over their shoulder at one another, wanting nothing more than to run towards each other.

I read something recently, it was a post depicting photos of Jared and Jensen on each of their wedding days, both of them groomsmen. Both of them at the front of what could possibly be the most heartbreaking day of their lives. I mean, can you imagine standing there, watching as the love of your life marries someone else and you have to stand there, watching the whole thing? Can you imagine standing at the altar with people cooing at you in admiration at the tears in your eyes, but those tears aren't for joy? They aren't for your bride?

Weddings are supposed to be the happiest days of peoples' lives yet imagine crying because the man you love stands to your left instead on the altar with you?

Over the course of the last month, I think I've sort of come up with my own theories about J2 timeline/what has happened throughout the past 15 years, but I think what breaks my heart the most sometimes is the fact that both boys have to live a life separate of one another. And I don't mean they can't hang-out or see each other (because obviously they've still done that regardless of PR and other barriers... slay, boys, Slay!), but it's the fact that their years together have been spent loving one another behind closed doors. Having to play up an imagine. Having to scramble to convince the public otherwise. Having to deal with the mental, emotional, and physical strain of it all, but all for love. It breaks my heart that the boys have had to love away from what one may consider normal, not that the word "normal" is anywhere close to a standard definition of an individual's sense of normalcy, because quite frankly, love is flexible. Fluid. It comes in all shapes and forms. It comes with all sorts of expression.

I'm rambling again. I digress.

The point is, as I've contemplated the idea of J2 bearding, I've felt that there is a sense of tragedy to loving someone so much that you'd sacrifice being with them 100% in order to protect them. To protect yourself. That you'd sacrifice holding them, embracing them, calling them "yours" in order to make sure that no harm (physically, mentally, professionally, etc...) ever came to them. To yourself. It takes courage. It takes such a divine sort of love--so unconditional and selfless--to sacrifice that for someone. And, amidst my ramble on heartbreak, I have so much more admiration, love, and respect for Jensen and Jared.

But, you know what? Again, I don't know what their true situation is like. As convinced as I've become, I don't know if J2 are really in bearded relationships (but, again, that will never change my mind on the fact that J2 love each other unconditionally). Regardless, this post is not to make a sob-story out of J2, but just to sort of jot down somethings I've thought about as I've entered the SPN community.

And, you know what? Even if J2 are in bearded relationships, for all we know, they could be very well content with the situation, because love transcends all walls and barriers. Maybe they aren't as saddened by the idea as I am. And this post is not, in anyway, me judging them and their decisions. It's just a little jot of things I've felt/thought about after reading some tinhatter blogs/theories.

At the end of the day, I don't know what Jared and Jensen are feeling or thinking. I'm not them and I'm not their friend. All I can say is that I believe in their love. I believe in it with all my heart and I won't stop believing in it. Watching unconditional love grow is beautiful. It inspires. It creates. It transcends.

Go J2! Hell yeah!

[dear-alex-chill]

An update

Lately I haven't been active and it's spanned much longer than I intended. I originally thought it was the Team Science Zine sucking up all my energy (that zine was awesome but a beast to make) but I now realize that may have been me trying to convince myself of an untrue reality. I've been exhausted all the time with no time for me. I'm also dealing with more personal issues and being in a period of transition uses a lot of spoons. Hopefully I'll resolve some issues through therapy or other means but it's a lot to balance and I don't necessarily have the resources to take on everything. Unfortunately, art and writing has taken a backseat for the time due to everything going on. It is what it is, I hope to create again one day. However, the end of DAC as an account may be nearing.

I know I've been silent/quiet for months. I know I've not finished anything. I have few WIPs but they're limited in development and not something I want to post. Overall the Dear-Alex-Chill account is fading on all fronts and I'm not sure I want it to revive. I know my stuff rarely shows up in places, in part because of the niche I drew myself into, but also a lack of relevancy in what I produce. I honestly haven't touched digital art in a while, I do miss it. However, I'm exhausted constantly or I'm under the perception I'm too busy to do it, carving time is hard right now. I am considering leaving everything up and just sorta orphaning my account, I would never delete my writing and I don't like the prospect of deleting my art, but actively maintaining a social media like that is taxing and not something I can do right now. DAC might turn into an archive of sorts and when I'm ready I'll start anew entirely with a new name and page. Or maybe I'll come back in a while ready to get going again, I'm not sure.

Some of the lack of desire to revive was a slightly toxic culture. When things blew up around me (not really at me though but like Tumblr? Yk) I felt the need to step back and a part of me just never wanted to return. Moots, I love you guys, you're the reason I stayed so long. But sometimes it's hard to want to engage in a community of people that dislike you and that you generally dislike, it's tiresome. Wacky and Sikyu especially, you guys were awesome to talk to (I'm just mentioning you two specifically because I feel really bad for leaving you guys with no context after months of hyper-dumping hcs and ideas. Anyone I've repeatedly dmed or shared my hcs with and talked to, I do miss you all. Everyone is owed an apology but that's a lot of names to write.) It's hard to stay in a place you don't want to be, especially when you feel you're leaving those close to you, but I think it's of my best interest to step away from DT and TtS/RTA.

To my followers, I'm sorry you haven't gotten what you followed for.

To the anons and haters, cool. Have fun with your lives, I believe in karma but don't act on it, it's not my job to enforce karma, that's the universe's job.

To my mutuals/friends, I haven't forgotten you all and I do think about you. It's just hard to reply or I feel bad reaching out after so much silence. Hopefully I'll be chatty again or return to some normalcy later and I'm sorry I didn't tell any of you earlier.

Overall this just serves as a message/wellness check. I'm still here, I still lurk, but I don't really know if I want to stay active. When I decide to either orphan or revive, I'll let you all know in a new post, but for now here's what's been happening. I love y'all.

See ya later.

(yes this was on insta in slides form, Tumblr hates me uploading more than 3 photos at a time)

[lamonnaie]

thanks for the tag @sollucets i loved reading ur answers !!! 🫶🫶 i've been a little ia lately + busy with irl things but i'm slowly trying to work through the backlog of tag games 😅

1. why did you choose your url?

it's from the french words "la monnaie," which basically means small change. i found the word amusing when i first learnt it a while ago and i've been using it as a username practically everywhere ever since :]

2. any sideblogs? name them and why you have them

technically no? i set up the ao3 feed for the dangerous romance tag on a sideblog pretty much just for my own convenience, but that doesn't rlly count lol

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

i've been lurking on tumblr since ~2015, when you could actually use the website pretty functionally even without an account, but i only made this account in 2020.

4. do you have a queue tag?

i do! it's just "q" (although it's empty right now because i haven't been on much 😩😩)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i finally made a tumblr account after 5 yrs of lurking because of this one niche movie that had somewhat of a fandom on here and i wanted to interact lol

6. why did you choose your icon?

because fairy lights !! they're pretty :))

(i use this icon everywhere as well as my url, i think i've only ever changed it once on here)

7. why did you choose your header?

i had to go back and check my blog because i genuinely didn't remember what my header was 😭😭 but it's just a cute gif off of google that i picked coz i liked it :)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

apparently this post about akkayan and raysand??? guess that answers the shitposts question as well LMAO

9. how many mutuals do you have?

quite a few !! is there any way of actually finding out the number? i have no clue, but if someone follows me i tend to check out their blog and if we have similar interests i'll follow back :] that being said, probably around 30-ish who i've actually interacted with beyond mutual liking and rbing hehe

10. how many followers do you have?

382!

11. how many people do you follow?

486 - definitely need to do a clean out tho because i follow a lot of random blogs from interests long gone by

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

yes lol

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

it depends honestly, sometimes several times a day for several hours (😭), other times i'll go a day or two without opening it <//3

14. have you had a fight/argument with another blog?

nah, if i don't agree with something i'll just unfollow and/or block

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

very unnecessary, i get that there's good intention behind it but it's honestly just annoying to see and will actively make me not reblog it 😭 (or at the very least i'll go back and rb a version without the addition)

16. do you like tag games?

HELL YEAH, i love yapping about things 🥰🥰

17. do you like ask games?

yesss they're so much fun !!!! (that being said, my askbox is so wonky that it never saves my posts as i'm writing and then it'll randomly crash and i just the ask altogether????)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

hmm i have no concept of tumblr famousness but just looking through my moots there's quite a few who i feel are pretty well known???

that being said, gonna give a shoutout to dee @distant-screaming who is the most famous person ever to me because i love love love their fics so much 😭😭😭 like have i ever fully watched nlmg? nope. do i still constantly go back and read her palmnueng fics? absolutely.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no i wouldn't say so :) i admire a lot of people on here and i love all my mutuals <33 (but in a platonic way hehe)

20. tags?

i feel like people have done this already (so no pressure + pls tag me in ur post if u've already done it !!) but tagging @dramalets @distant-screaming @winnysatang @hellswolfie @blackstar-gazer <33

[wish-i-had-robin-wings]

I’m fascinated about the oc stuff you mentioned! I only recently (within the last year) started creating oc’s so I’ve not really thought about creating images of them. I pretty much just save stock photos and photos of celebrities that resemble what I’m imagining, but that can be a pain. I’d love to hear more tips (as well as hearing about some of your oc’s if you’d like to share!)

A beloved mutual, hello!!

It's cool to hear that you're getting into oc stuff, making up little guys is so much fun! You'll have to tell me about yours sometime! I gotta admit though, saving stock and celebrity photos sounds like a hassle :/ I can't imagine what you'd do for a non-human oc…

If you're interested, I have a ton of picrew links I can share (and obviously I can give you ones with more specific aesthetics if you have something in mind, versus just dumping a truckload of random links on you).

I also really like using Heroforge (D&D Minifugre website) to make ocs (D&D related or not). They update pretty regularly so there's always better options (especially for non-human ocs) and colors for more specific customizations. It's especially cool because if you decide you really like it, you can buy your oc as a minifigure (but you can still use the site/save your oc even without buying anything)! I love free websites :3

Lately, I've been focusing on my batch of Minecraft ocs. I was supposed to join a big rp server, but that fell apart so now I'm just 'writing' it all myself. It's been really fun, and I like being able to build an intricate story and characters from a pre-set template that comes with making ocs within a pre-existing world/ruleset (It's just much easier on my busy brain for when I'm not working on my actual original writing or whatever XP). But because of this, I've also been making full Minecraft skins for those ocs. It's pretty much just pixel art, and I am nowhere near the levels of some of the proffesional skin-makers out there, but I've made some pretty cool stuff if I do say so myself!

TL;DR I am not good at art, but my imagination is very hyperactive, so having some of these online resources has helped a ton in just getting something out into the world. I am more than happy to share site links and answer any questions you have about navigating them if you wanna dm me! I'd also loove to talk about all my ocs more, but I know that can be a lot for a tumblr ask…especially if tumblr keeps eating them >:(

Thanks for messaging me, hope this helped some!

(Also, sorry for the weird formatting of this post tumblr is being dumb and I can't fix it for some reason...)

[koumeowkami]

I've been doing well — though not without having what felt like a rough two weeks to end the year.. it really is ironic how the brain can be said to be humanity's greatest asset, but also, have it turn against us.

I suppose you have to ride through the waves till it passes, like a lot of stuff right?

But yeaaaah, holidays or festivities can be really busy so I can relate a bit, mornings were so stressful since we were visiting relatives — Ah, but you only see them so often, they say~

As for my thoughts on the pararai anime, I did have a list of comments that I jotted down while watching, might be a bit too lengthy for this ask so I'll send another one soon!

Oh right right, you also asked if I was coming back... I suppose I am here now, and still I go by my old url on a sideblog to talk about enstars from. My actual main is still in the works >_> the sideblog is probably what I'll be frequenting since I still do fixate on Enstars a bit — but I also have been taking a break from that, if that makes sense?

Stuff like refollowing my mutuals I'm still a bit iffy about, since most of them also correlate under the "enstars sphere", but then I realized I could come around to you ☆

— aeriko

hi hi again <3 our mind loves playing tricks on us huh... i'm with you there, first uni stress and then other personal issues ruining my mood right at the end of year, but we'll get through this one too, yeah? :') i'm really glad you're doing good now tho!

yeah yeah, it's good that you're taking a break <3 and also thank you for making an exception and following me from your sideblog :3 i wasn't using tumblr much anymore cause i felt it kinda empty lately so this could incite me to come back hopefully 🙏🏻 (save me from prritwt pls)

[synonymouswithanonymous]

just for fun!

Thoughts, opinions, and a just for fun timeline. Google and a couple tumblr rabbit holes later....disclaimer lots of rumors with receipts for rumors.

I too find it weird that the same people talking about Johanne used to describe MK, Rikke, and Fanny the same exact way. Down to the same wording. Except they used to go after MK'S tattoos like they're a bad thing. People were awful about her, and the rest. Now Johanne and his family and friends are getting it too.

Now they act like a friendship, spanning 7 years, is something "more"  bc he likes her posts. Lol I bet he likes a lot of people's/friends posts, guys and girls. Probably a lot of private accounts too bc a lot of his friends went private bc people kept posting his friends' videos and pics. I don't understand why he can't like any of the accounts he follows without it causing a stir. Lol liking a post isn't a big deal lol. People can be friends, it's not like he doesn't have TON of female friends lol. I doubt he's still pining for her, and probably hasn't for a long long time.

It's not like he hasn't dated since or before (Olivia who rejected him supposedly 2017).

And he's older now and probably has sown his wild oats and wants to settle down with the woman he loves (Johanne). And I think, personal opinion, that now he has someone who matches him, loves him as he is, and let's him be just who he is. All goofy funny husky puppy energy Alex. That's great imo.

Busy boy in 2018.😂😂😃😃 he was young.

Short timeline with receipts:

Threesome rumors:

Jan 13-14 2018

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Freyvar 🥀 (Alicia & Alex fans) (@ivarfreydis)

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View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Freyvar 🥀 (Alicia & Alex fans) (@ivarfreydis)

/

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Freyvar 🥀 (Alicia & Alex fans) (@ivarfreydis)

/

People were also posting about topless photos of Gee with Alex. They're deleted now.

· Mar 9, 2018When she finally responds to your desperate love letter text that you know she opened 35 min.… twitter (while in England)

Strange tea about Alex, take with grain of salt etc

May 17 '18#1310

"Does anyone follow Alex H. on instagram? His story yesterday so much cringe, or the hashtag #phatasswhitegirl = Alicia A.  :eyeroll: she's the white girl that has fame for being a white girl with a big ass after that scene with Ivar, trying to get her attention alluding her? she's way out of your league, kid."

"He is a creep, he follows her even on spotify when she goes under a secret username but she doesn't follow him back :rofl: smart girl."

Lipstick alley source (I google alex hogh gee hirst threesome and it popped up, the above links. And quote/gossip came from there.)

May 29, 2018 the weekend/pics he took of MK were posted. Cryptic post from her around this timeframe.

Jun 17, 2018 alex hogh with rikke westi red carpet its official twitter:

"Alex Høgh with Rikke Westi via alexhoeghandersen: "Rikke has always been too cool for school, but now it’s official. Watch out. She’s special. Huge congratulations my friend"

August 20th, 2018, Anonymous asked:

"What kind of relationship is there between Alex Høgh Andersen and Mary Kate Slattery???"

"As far as I know they are friends. For a hot minute I thought there might be something but that passed"

So they stayed friends it seems. Maybe they just realized they're better as friends? Maybe the rejection was mutual after all? Maybe he wasn't trying to be serious, just seeing how it goes? Or vice versa we will never know. Good for them. That's mature to stay friends. 😊 Her boyfriend type seems different from Alex. Not a bad thing to each their own.

Late 2018-2020 he dated a few others, one I think named Kaja? I've researched enough for a day. 😆 😆  there were blondes and brunettes, several women, one at the Zulu awards. One sitting on his lap at distortion which was posted on tumblr May 30, 2019 (edited to fix date).

That twitter/x post and IG posts don't seem to be focused so much on privacy. As some claim he's all about, I've always thought he was only private when he wanted to be. That's his choice. 😊😊 So I'm still not getting how Johanne ever "violated" his privacy.

So MK only likes his RC posts/posts that have Johanne in them. That's sweet she probably LIKES Johanne too. She's probably happy for her friend.

Seems like what friends do to me! Like posts and Support each other and be happy for each other. 😊😊😊

Another long post, but as ever don't expect it to be read. Just want to say what I want to say. 😊😊😊

PS I don't think it's weird that he's dated around before finding someone serious. You gotta shop around, see how the "clothes" fit before you buy them. Dating is what people do before they find their match. You gotta figure out what you like/want/need and what you don't like/want/need.😃

[honestly-oceanie]

First of all, I am new, but I have read all your posts and I love them (≧▽≦)⁦♡⁩

Second, I wanted to know how do you color your writings? It's very beautiful

Third, can you write something with Jeremy or Rezef with an imaginary reader? Like how they react when they understand she's not real? And how other react?

I'm sorry if I bothered you, you can ignore it if you like :)

Hello!! Good morning/afternoon/evening and welcome!! ♡ ～('▽^人). No you aren't bothering at all I'm sorry I'm just reading the asked now I haven't been active in tumblr lately

Haha I only have very few works but there are still some coming through and I'm so happy that there are people who likes them (o^ ^o)

As of your request I will try my very best(I have been hit by pressure and busy sched so I'm having writer's block rn⁽ƈ ͡ (ुŏ̥̥̥̥םŏ̥̥̥̥)ﾉ) and hopefully I can fulfill your request next week༼☯﹏☯༽ there was actually another request and I still haven't worked on it. I give my advance apologies for the disappointment (*_ _)人

And as of how I color my writings is very simple actually, but create a draft first cause tumblr can act up sometimes(T＿T).

If you are using a touchscreen device just double click on the word(s) you want to color, then a few choices will appear, you just choose then that's basically it.

I'm currently using my tab cause too lazy to get my laptop (.┰ω┰.). But it works the same, just click/double-click/ long press on the words you want to color(idk, I've forgot sorry🙏🏻)

But yeah that's all(^‿^) sorry if I had drag this longer than it should be（>﹏<）. Once again welcome and I hope we'll become mutuals here!!⊂(´･◡･⊂ )∘˚˳°