#i've loved it since like 2015-16

[sawyer-is-eepy]

on our way

[meazalykov]

redirection; prologue

esmee brugts x barcaplayer!R

summary: a girl realizing that a huge rejection lead her to the best redirection possible

most of the 2022-2023 season, i’ve been working hard within the tryout camps to get a spot on the united states women’s national team roster for the world cup. i played for the washington spirit in the nwsl as a striker.

most people in my circle believed that i would’ve had a spot on the world cup roster due to my overachieving skills. i had high hopes about accomplishing my biggest dream. however, when i got the facetime call from the uswnt coach, letting me know that i wouldn’t be on the world cup roster, that belief was crushed. 

my emotions were all over the place when the facetime call ended. the tears in my eyes ran down my dimpled cheeks for hours. my breathing was rigid and i couldn't think straight. it got to a point where my bestfriend, trinity rodman, comforted me on a facetime call. she made it on the roster and my happiness for her was distracted by the disappointment for myself.

“i feel like my skills, hard work, and motivation goes unnoticed.” i cried on the facetime call to trinity. i pulled the black sleeves of my adidas hoodie up and wiped my tears. to be honest, i felt like clicking the red “end call” button and falling asleep. i didn’t want trin’s happiness for herself to drain away due to my rejection from the world cup. 

“there’s so many people in the world that recognize your talents, y/n. everyone is disappointed too. just know that your time will come and you can use this as a bigger push for the 2024 olympic roster.” trinity commented. she was right, but the disappointment and rejection was too big to have optimistic thoughts currently. 

after the facetime call ended, my imessage notifications were blown up with most of my washington spirit teammates, family, and non-soccer playing friends apologizing to me when they didn’t see my name on the roster that was posted. they gave me reminders of how good of a player i still am. many of my uswnt teammates, including my close friends sophia smith and emily fox, expressed how disappointed they were because i wouldn’t play in australia with them. 

currently, i have seven caps with the uswnt. as a nineteen year old, this is a normal amount of appearances. so i had developed relationships with some players who consistently appear on the team. 

alex morgan is an example. she is my inspiration as an american striker myself. i’ve seen many people compare us and how we play. i scrolled on the 433womenfc instagram comments on the uswnt roster post and a particular comment stuck out to me, 

“washington spirit’s y/n l/n should’ve had a spot over alyssa thompson. she could’ve been a good sub for alex morgan since they’re both strikers and she has more international experience. uswnt missed out.” 

the tears in my eyes poured down my face again but instead of calling a friend or family member to talk to, i placed my phone on the charger and went to sleep. 

three months later: 

the uswnt was eliminated from the world cup after a penalty shootout with sweden in the round of 16. this broke my heart when i watched the match in my apartment last week. the uswnt won the 2015 and 2019 world cup and a three-peat would've broken records. 

currently, i sat in the backseat of a fancy black van as i headed to a fancy restaurant in downtown dc. my agent wanted to talk to me about my next career move, since my contract with washington spirit expired right before the world cup. 

i am assuming that my next move will be within the nwsl, many clubs contacted my agent during past transfer windows for a possible move. however, spirit rejected those transfers since they saw me as an important striker. trinity wanted me to stay at washington spirit and sign a new contract. i didn’t because i felt lost. i knew my heart belonged somewhere else. i loved the club i've been with since i was sixteen, but i needed to move on. 

the dark green pants and black long sleeve on my body was comfortable for the early-august weather. you’d expect the weather to be hot but it’s 8pm and the breezy air made for a perfect temperature.

i sat down in a booth across from my agent, heather. she held a blue ipad in her hands and already ordered water for us, which i took a sip of after we greeted each other. this meeting would determine my next career move.

two hours later, i walked out of the restaurant in excitement and shock. heather let me know that many clubs in many leagues contacted her as they needed a goal scoring striker. 

wsl clubs, such as chelsea and manchester united, were the first to contact my agent. in fact, they’ve wanted me since the last transfer window. i wasn't opposed to chelsea, since a few of my american friends played there. nswl clubs such as san diego wave, houston dash, and portland thorns wanted to offer me a contract too. 

when my agent mentioned the last club that offered me a contract, my jaw dropped to my feet. liga f club fc barcelona needed a striker and their coach was impressed by my goal scoring abilities from last season. barcelona was my dream club and heather saw my eyes light up in admiration and disbelief. 

as the dinner ended, i told heather that i'm looking forward to joining barcelona. she told me that she will let joan laporta and the sporting director know about my commitment. i wanted to cry in joy, i am moving to spain soon to join my dream club!

(pretend you’re trinity rodman) 

433womensfc

Liked by salmaparalluelo, and 21,613 others

tagged: @y/n.l/n

OFFICIAL: 🚨 19-year old American Striker y/n l/n from Washington Spirit signs a 3-year contract with FC Barcelona on a free transfer. She will be the first American to sign for the Liga F club 🇺🇸🔵🔴 

comments

y/nstrikes_ barca fans she will not disappoint! 💙❤️

esmeebrugts 🔥🔥

wosofan23 aitana bonmati and y/n l/n link on the pitch should be illegal 😭

        leahwilliamsfan67 i agree 

lekkerbrugts esmee ona and y/n joining barcelona?? barcelona is unstoppable. 

cghlover55 this is so crazy 😍🔥

randomuser4789 she was too good for the nwsl, can’t wait to see her compete in europe.  ❤️

   16 replies 

(pretend you're ona batlle)

fcbfemeni and y/n.l/n

liked by esmeebrugts and 93,973 others

our american star has arrived 😍💙❤️🌟

comments

aitanabonmati ❤️

ingrid_engen 😍😍

graham95 niceee🤩

y/nhive THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY

felixfan14 SAME 😍

trinity_rodman SO HAPPY FOR YOU *nickname* 😭💗🎉

lindseyhoran10 woohoo!!!

uswnt 😍

alexiaputellas 🥰

*esmeebrugts started following y/n.l/n*

next chapter: redirection I

a/n: this is my first woso fic! this is the first chapter to this series and I'll write more for other players as well :D I hope you enjoy!

[bengiyo]

Hi, i'm a newish bl drama watcher from thailand that just started watching thai bls. i'm a bit ashamed to say that for a long time as a gay man living here i've been avoiding bl shows like the plague cuz of both the fandom reputation and of misconception from my yaoi era which i leave far behind. i'm just want to ask how did you got into watching thai bls and what were you preconception before you got into it.

Welcome to the Tumblr side of BL fandom. I'd actually like to also hear more of your experience with yaoi and BL as a gay person growing up in Thailand if you're willing to share.

For me, I'm a Black American from the Gulf Coast (the South). I grew up in a Catholic city and spent my entire adolescence in the closet. Despite having a sense of who I was as early as 8 years old, I kept most of that to myself. Because I didn't talk about it much with people, I found out most information about queer media and queerness from the internet.

I entered BL via queer cinema. I think the first explicitly gay character that I remember from TV was Marco from Degrassi: The Next Generation. There were probably others, and definitely more subtle expressions, but when I think about the oldest gay character I remember and connect to, it's Marco. I don't like counting things like shipping Shawn and Corey on Boy Meets World or Tai and Matt on Digimon for oldest gay characters. Sailor Moon can't even count because we got a censored version of it in America.

I got access to satellite television away from observing eyes around age 16 and started watching content on Logo back when they aired gay content regularly. I watched basically whatever I could late at night. It's how I saw movies like Get Real (1998), Beautiful Thing (1996), and Bent (1997). It's also how I saw Queer as Folk (2000-2005) Noah's Arc (2005-06).

After hitting adulthood I mostly got lost in video games and standard American TV for a while, but I did basically show up to any Gay Event in TV. I appreciate that Stef and Lena from The Fosters (2013-2018) were some of the only TV lesbians to survive the horror of 2016.

I watched a bunch of movies in this time, many of which appear on the Queer Cinema Syllabus I made for a hypothetical Westerner new to BL and queer cinema, which @wen-kexing-apologist has decided to try to complete.

I got into Thai BL in 2018 accidentally. I started seeing gifsets of Kongpob telling Arthit he'll make him his wife passing around Tumblr and was basically like, "Right, what's all this then?"

I had watched a few Thai gay films, mostly notably Love of Siam (2007), Bangkok Love Story (2007), How to Win at Checkers Every Time (2015), and The Blue Hour (2015), but this was the first time I was seeing a long series made available so easily from any Asian country.

From there I got into Make It Right (2016-17) and Love Sick the series (2014). Once I realized that yaoi had moved beyond manga and a few anime adaptations, I went looking for a lot more. I basically haven't left since I started in about 2016 with SOTUS.

There's my basic entry into the genre. I don't think I was as worried about fandom and worries at the time because so much of being a fan of queer cinema was a mostly-private experience for me for so long. I didn't realize that BL fans active in the space would predominantly be women or queers figuring themselves out. It took a while to adjust to that, and also to adjust my expectations of the kinds of queer stories BL distributors were willing to fund.

That being said, I tend to agree with @absolutebl that BL has a useful role in normalization for non-queer audiences who encounter it. I like cheering BL when it does things I think work really well, and also deriding it when I think it does things that are offensive to help nudge the genre and offer my perspective as a gay man.

I like the place we're at right now where there's way too much to watch for any person with other hobbies and responsibilities because it means that people can pick and choose what's to their tastes.

More often than not, I'm probably most-invested in something airing from Japan because of my melancholy nature, but there's so much variety these days that it's okay if you don't like everything. I certainly don't!

I'm glad you joined us on Tumblr and look forward to your thoughts!

[geek-fashionista]

A Business Proposal

A little while ago, I posted an interest poll for a series I'm planning. Since many of you responded that you were at least curious, I come today with... limited information. Limited, because the novel version of this series is currently being read by a literary agent.

But I've always felt that this story was too big to be contained in book format. Under a traditional publisher, I would lose the rights to my own property, so if they didn't want to see more of it, that's that for myself and the characters and the readers who fall in love with the characters. Self-publishing is harder. It needs to be a collaborative effort between writer and readers if it's going to succeed. Thus, I turn to the only audience I have with my "business proposal."

(Note: If you've been around long enough, you might recognize some of these characters from posts that have since been deleted.)

~*~

Working Title: Trainwrecks Length of Series: 8 seasons Length of Seasons: 24 episodes, 12 main and 12 bonus, posted biweekly. (Each season will last three months.) Episode Length: 1000-2000 words Setting: Seattle, Washington and its surrounding towns, between the years 2004-2015 Genre: Contemporary, YA to New Adult

Trainwrecks follows a diverse group of six best friends from high school to their mid-twenties, with all the romance, heartache, college and career decisions, and confusion that entails. Our main cast:

A bubbly, fat Puerto Rican girl with a passion for art and matchmaking (Ages: 14-25)

Her adopted, Argentinian brother, who is adept at music and pretty much nothing else (Ages: 16-27)

Their childhood best friend, an Asian/British/American guy who hides years of trauma behind a flamboyant and overbearing personality (Ages: 19-30)

His ill-tempered younger sister, who has just moved back to the United States from London after their parents divorced fifteen years ago (Ages: 14-25)

An equally bad-tempered Hawaiian/French guy with a love of photography and a hatred of bullies (Ages: 14-25)

The coolest, most beautiful Chinese girl you'll ever meet, who is fighting a sex addiction after a history of abuse (Ages: 16-27)

Main episodes will be written in story format. Bonus episodes will be in epistolary format: MSN chats, text messages, letters, blog posts, and eventually Twitter posts. Y'know, cuz Twitter didn't exist in 2004.

The main series (8 seasons, 24 episodes each) will be completely free to read and delivered directly to your email inbox. There will be character artwork, a bio page to keep track of everyone, a tie-in Tumblr account for memes, Spotify playlists for each character, and helpful things like family trees and relationship charts as well. Each season will have its own key artwork---cover art, if you will.

In addition to the completely free story, there will be extra content for paid subscribers and Patreon patrons, including but not limited to:

Sneak previews/early updates

Side stories

Back stories

Character and universe development notes

Entire AUs with different relationships or different genres

Money raised will either go towards paying artists or towards my student loans. And if the series gets really popular, I intend to launch a Kickstarter for physical copies that will include all the artwork and maybe some bonus items as well.

That's my business proposal. If you like it or have questions, comment on this post, scream in my inbox, chat me---do whatever but do it vocally because I need to know you're out there. And then, feel free to follow my Substack for updates.

[desertdollranch]

Opening and reviewing my first My Imagination doll

I have a new 18 inch friend to introduce and review! And this one has had an interesting journey to me.

I stumbled across My Imagination dolls a few years ago on Dollation, a delightful but now defunct site that cataloged different brands of play dolls as well as collectible dolls (check it out via the Wayback machine). By that time, this particular brand, designed by notable doll artist Robert Tonner, was no longer producing dolls. I looked at a few listed on eBay, but I didn't feel ready to buy one. They were a bit out of my price range, and they didn't really strike me as very unique. Their brand name refers to the line of clothing that was supposed to be produced for them, in partnership with DC Comics, the Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, Alice in Wonderland, and I think maybe Disney. But there were very few of those promised items that were produced, and the brand itself only lasted from about 2015 to 2017 or so.

I have more or less neutral feelings about the partnering brands, so that didn't really sell them for me. So I moved on and put them out of my mind.

Cut to a few weeks ago, when my mom attended a doll show local to her. She's a collector as well, although these days she's almost exclusively into Barbie and similar size dolls. At the show she bought a beautiful 16 inch Tyler Wentworth doll, and when she sent me pictures I was pretty certain that the doll was designed by Robert Tonner. There's just something distinct in the face molds he creates. He also designed the dolls for the Magic Attic Club brand, and I have three of those, whom I adore. They're quite a bit older than My Imagination dolls, though.

(Heather, Keisha, and Rose.)

My mom and I were talking about other doll artists whose dolls are easily identifiable, like Helen Kish and Dianna Effner. I mentioned to her that Tonner had also designed a brand called My Imagination, and I went searching for examples to show her. That's when I stumbled across a listing for a doll that was not only a realistic price, but the particular doll I liked the best.

Since I first heard of them, my doll collection has changed a lot. It's no longer quite so dominated by American Girl dolls--not that I don't love them, I certainly do, but I've also opened my home to many other different brands of 18 inch dolls like Maplelea, Our Generation, Starpath, Healthy Roots, Götz, and Faithful Friends. I love having a diverse collection of unique dolls. It's fun to see how different they all look from each other, and yet they're all pretty much the same size and can be friends with each other.

So when I did see the listing for the My Imagination doll, I felt my heart change towards her and couldn't get her off my mind. I sat on the listing for a while, contemplating, imagining who she might turn out to be, until the seller sent me an offer for an even lower price. That did it. I went for it. And she arrived today.

Click through the cut to see the unboxing ceremony!

None of the dolls in this brand were given names. They are referred to as Brunette/Redhead/Blonde, in either Starter dolls (standard articulation at hips/elbows/head) and Deluxe dolls (bendable knees). The specific doll I got was the Starter Brunette.

She was brand new in the box, and it looks like she was probably never removed from her packaging. She was gently tied in with white satin ribbons rather than those awful plastic straps.

Time to free her from her box and take off her hairnet.

She's in perfect condition. She has a full vinyl body and is very heavy. The vinyl itself is dense and smooth with a matte finish, so much so that she almost looks like she's made of porcelain. Her skin has no shine to it at all. It's a bisque color with rosy undertones.

Her long curly brown wig is lovely but imperfect. It's rather dry on the ends.

Her glass eyes are gorgeous. They do not open and close. She has inset eyelashes.

But I think the side part isn't working for me, so how about we try a center part?

I think this gives her a younger look! Later I'll try to get her wig off and move it over so that she has a center part, but for now brushing it to the side works fine.

Looking at her undressed, I think she looks skinnier than American Girl dolls, but definitely not as slim as my Magic Attic Club dolls. Her head turns, and her arms and legs move outward as well as forward and backward.

Here she is side by side with one of my American Girl dolls, Eugenia. I think I'm right about their size comparison.

They had a fashion show to find out for sure just how similar they are! Eugenia can wear New Girl's dress just fine. It velcroes in the back and isn't too tight. New Girl is wearing an American Girl brand dress, and it fits almost perfectly--it's just a tiny bit big, and definitely not in a noticeable way.

Here's Eugenia wearing the cute sandals that came with New Girl. They're a pretty close fit.

And here she is next to (her cousin? half-sister?) Rose. To my eye, they very much look related.

Here she is in Maplelea brand clothes. I also did some brushing and reshaping of her curls.

I haven't decided yet what her name will be. I do know that she's a modern girl who loves to read, daydream, and play dress-up.

[skepsiss]

Master Writing List of My Works

I've seen other people do this and it seems like a good idea. You can follow my Ao3 where more of my works are posted, but for the ones available on Tumblr I will list them below.

Skepsis_Ree on Ao3

Art, Photos, and Moodboards

Stranger Things

Steddie

Mini Fics. These are asks that people have sent me. You can send me a prompt and I'll write you Steddie stuff.

The Last Strange Thing [Monster reference guide] [The art for the fic!] Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 [FINISHED] // Welcome to the apocalypse. The demo-infection has taken hold of the world, and humans are a rare thing these days. Still, people hang on to civilization in pockets across North America and beyond. Hawkins is one such place.  Steve Harrington is a scout who runs missions for Hawkins, and on one of those missions, he becomes separated from his scouting partner, Robin. He has to find his way across Indianapolis in an infected world, meeting one very important individual on the way, Eddie. The two of them must trust one another in order to journey across Indiana, while perhaps finding something softer to nurture with one another along the way.

Long Road Ahead Pt1  Pt1.2   Pt2    Pt3 Pt4 Pt5 // A Five part (maybe six?) series about Steve and Eddie getting together. Steve really struggles with the possibility of him being queer and doesn't know how to deal with it. Each part alternates between Eddie's POV and Steve's POV; lots of yearning, miscommunication, a pining with a happy ending.

Join the Party // One Shot, AU Where Steve and Eddie have been friends since childhood and I guess no Upside Down shenanigans (yet?). Hurt/comfort with confessions. Written from the period of them at 10 (ish) to 18 (ish).

Heart Beat City // One shot. A character piece on Eddie as he has some of his faith in happiness returned to him. Eddie thinks pretty firmly that love and kindness are not a real thing--at least not for him, but that changes when he meets Steve. Poetic and moody, optimistic ending.

House to Ourselves // Series of one-shots. Steve and Eddie are finally living together after a long courtship. They get every other weekend to themselves when Steve’s ex-wife takes the kids for 2.5 days. That means sex… definitely sex.

Because I Want You // Part of the adult AU, one-shot series. Steve and Eddie have been broken up for 9 years. It just so happens that they both have 3-year-olds, and they end up in the same daycare, allowing them to reunite. It’s bittersweet in a lot of ways, mostly because Eddie feels so guilty for how things ended with Steve in their previous relationship. This story is about them trying to get back together.

Modern Problems, Modern Solutions Pt1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt4 Pt5 Pt6 Pt7 [FINISHED] // Modern AU. Eddie's POV and his judgy, budgie, anxiety-filled self-denying for a long time that he has a crush on Steve. I wanted to explore what being an awkward teen was like (again) and how the personality dynamics would work between Steve and Eddie if they were in more modern times. A story full of miscommunications set in 2015 ish. This mini-series is finished, and it has a happy ending. Enjoy the very soft end for the boys.

Basketball Shorts // PWP. Explicit, 18+. Eddie and Steve are in an established relationship, and Eddie asks Steve to wear his old basketball uniform. They fantasize together about what it would have been like to date in high school (and how hard it would have been not to sneak off to bone).

Tooth and Nail Pt1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt4 // Uuhh, it's kinda sad guys. Prompt was to write something where Eddie is the one that is in denial about his queer-ness and Steve is the one who makes him question his sexual identity. Full request here. This is hurt comfort and miscommunication riddled; read some realness and slowburn towards romance. Part 4 onward is pining time with Eddie trying to figure out his feelings.

Stories of Youth (microfic) // A short (480 words) fic written for the steddie microfic month with the prompt "Suck." This is fluff and just a little window into the sweetness (and eternal horiness) that is Steve and Eddie in a relationship.

His People Chapter 1: His People // This story is more about Eddie than anything. Exploring the idea of Eddie coming back very "monstrous" from the Upside Down, and he doesn't have a lot of memories on how to be human. He does learn quickly though that the people around him do love him no matter what. This was written for Eddie Month with the Oct 13 prompt "Monster."

Chapter 2: Like. Lust. Love. // Eddie relearns what attraction is, and acts on the memories he has of himself and Steve... or what he thinks are his memories of him and Steve.... (angst, drama).

The Audacity - Corroded Coffin Lyrics only Written in Sung/Spoken form // A limerick that I wrote as if it were a song written and performed by Corroded Coffin. Angry, but also very f*ck the establishment.

The King - A Corrded Coffin Song (Accompanying art) // An imagined metal ballad written by Eddie Munson. (Think Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills"). It's about Steve and his father, but also Vecna, and Eddie vs Hawkins. It's multi-layered and I thought it felt equally tragic and love-filled.

Time // Just a one-shot of them maturing and being in a 2-3 decade relationship. Romantic and fluffy, less than 700 words.

Through Leagues and Miles Pt1 // Eddie and Steve meet up again after 7 years. They're proper adults now and Eddie is living his dream of being a rockstar, while Steve has just started to go back to school to become a teacher. They were only supposed to be meeting up for a reunion with The Party, but one thing leads to another, and well... maybe acting on that crush from 7 years ago is worth it.

"Newly-wed Game" // Just this silly little "Newly-wed Game" post I added to. For some reason, it has 4,000 notes.

Reflection Steve's Part Robin's Part Nancy's Part Eddie's Part [FINISHED] // This is a 4 part mini-series about the Fruity Four. It's 1989 and Steve, Eddie, and Robin are visiting Hawkins over winter break. Nancy has invited them all over for a little Christmas get-together, and we read from the point of view of each member of the crew across 1 event. I wrote these pieces to be read in any order, so... enjoy some Steddie, vague Ronance, Vickie x Robin, and just the Fruity Four being... fruity. Dialogue prompt "You Remember That?" for Spicy Six Winter Fanworks Challenge.

It's Snowing In Hawkins // This is all fluff. Steve goes over to visit Eddie during a heavy snow in Hawkins and gets roped into helping him build a snow fort. Both of them have been inching toward a romance for months now, and Steve adores how innocent and young their relationship feels. It’s the start of something real tonight, and it makes Steve feel brilliantly happy. 

Before the Fire - Steddie Microfic // Wrote for December's prompt "pine" (508 words). Steve and Eddie are around a fire and Eddie is trying to cheer Steve's up because 'someone' is missing and Steve is beside himself with worry. Eddie is pining, but Steve seeks him out for comfort.

The Cock Tail Club [18+ explicit] // Society thinks poorly of Alphas who prefer to be with other Alphas. That is why underground bars like The Cock Tail Club exist. Where one lonely Alpha can meet another and hit it off for the night. Eddie is doing just that, and of course, he finds wild, satisfying release… and maybe a bit more than what he bargained for.

Batter Up [18+ explicit] Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 // This fluffy story is about Baseball Player Steve Harrington, meeting Rock Star Eddie Munson and the whirlwind 1-week romance turned committed relationship. They're instantly obsessed with one another, but neither knows how to take things to the next level. Enjoy Steve being a love-sick idiot! (The story turns explicit in Chapter 4, other chapters are all fluff).

Stranger Things

Not steddie. Things like stobin etc.

Survival of the Sister [Link to art] // Max is a young knight who has lost everything to the darkness of the Upside Down. The last thing she can lose is her life. She puts it all on the line to save her family, friends, and Hawkins. Fate has another idea for her as she struggles to recall her happiest memories that will bring her back to life and toward Lucas, who is desperately searching for her. Overall, it is a short, emotional piece about Max fighting back death with sheer willpower and then getting to relish in being reunited with Lucas.

We the Youth (1987) [Link to art] Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five [FINISHED] // A five-part, mini-series that is 100% complete and being posted during the Stranger Things Reverse Big Bang 2024. This Stobin-centric story is about Robin learning how to love herself (with the help of her very queer life)! The first part of the story focuses on Robin losing her job and seeking comfort from her best friend, Steve. After moving to New York after graduation to work for a year before college, Robin has "lost her path" and isn't sure what she wants anymore.

Each chapter focuses on a different kind of love, and how difficult it is to find a place to belong when you're a young adult. (Especially when you're a young, queer adult in the 80s). The story has a happy ending though! So please enjoy this lovely platonic Stobin tale and the importance of having people in your life who love and support you.

Momento Mori [complete story 15/15] [Accompany Art] // Steve gradually falls in love with the memory of Eddie Munson, while creating a deep bond with the uncle Eddie left behind. Eddie Munson has died. He died and left behind people who care for him—more people than he knew. Despite his reputation, and the slander thrown at him, Eddie is deeply and fiercely loved by the people in his life. Wayne is one such person, and the hole his nephew left in his heart is something he didn’t think could ever be filled. Surprisingly—to all involved—Steve Harrington is another person who cannot shake Eddie’s death from his mind. Gradually, Steve and Wayne bond over their mutual loss, and share their fond memories of Eddie with one another. The living must move on after all… even if the dead don’t remain gone for long.

[killingsboys]

20 questions for 20 writers!

tagged by the bestie @afaramir abby thank you so much for giving me an excuse to avoid writing tonight <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 45!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 492,078 and literally a solid quarter of that is from c&b oh i'm laughing.

3. What fandoms do you write for? right now only for les mis but most of my works are trc and in 2019/2020 i wrote a bit for soc and aftg.....

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? oh i'm laughing these aren't even GOOD.... 1. [redacted soc fic] 2. makes me feel a little bit closer to you - pynch clothes sharing fic 3. c&b (my most beloved this is the only valid entry on this list) 4. i ain't gotta tell him (i think he knows) - pynch ithk songfic 5. all the time, all the time (i think of you all the time) - pynch fic where ronan is tutoring adam in art

5. Do you respond to comments? mostly yes! for like a solid 2 years i didn't but now i do again <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ummm i think the only actually angsty ending i have is all too well adansey fic? i'm such a happy ending girlie that's the only one i can think of that doesn't end happily. for obvious reasons.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i like to think pretty much everything i write ends happily but c&b proposal fic is what comes to mind since i finally finished it THREE ENTIRE YEARS LATER very recently

8. Do you get hate on fics? no i have been very lucky so far actually!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? no because i am afraid

10. Do you write crossovers? i do not!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope not yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? only the theoretical AUs that coco and i like to talk about but never commit to writing <3 although really you could consider coco my cowriter on most of my fics (especially c&b) like so much of them comes from her fr. love you coco <3333

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? oh i can't pick. that's like asking a mother to pick her favorite child. right now those dead gay french revolutionaries have my heart but tomorrow, who knows?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? ugh i hate admitting defeat but. but. i am aware that beloved beloved pynch band fic will probably never be finished. which is a SHAME because i have soooooooo much of it planned out i mean like. i've got full albums designed. most of the beats are mapped out. i've got fake tweets written up, i've got chapter titles and scene drafts. like the entire concept is there and i'm so obsessed with it. but i just. after all these years it is extremely unlikely that i am going to actually, you know. write it.

16. What are your writing strengths? beginnings. i am so good at beginnings. that's why i have so many wips. also i like to think i'm good at dialogue. i try to write conversationally even when it's not actually a conversation and i think that translates well to actual dialogue it's fun.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? endings. i can't end anything to save my LIFE. also just plots in general escape me. and i always end up writing 10k more words than i meant to.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? um other people who can do it definitely should! i however cannot do that. i did however use my extremely limited knowledge of the french language for the section headings in my most recent fic and i like the effect it produced i think.

19. First fandom you wrote for? all evidence of their existence has been wiped from the face of the earth but my very first fics were one star wars fic and one agents of shield fic circa like. 2015.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? legally i'm obligated to say c&b but right now actually i'm still very very happy with how exr rooftop fic turned out. literally the entire time i was writing it i was just having a blast. i love writing angst and stuff it's like chewing on a polly pocket toy. now that i'm evil i never wanna write fluff again. i'm torturing those fictional guys fr.

tagging besties @television-bodies @gingerpeachtea and anyone else who wants to do it! ♡

[xfolex]

Looking through Project Moon's old YouTube channel, there's some interesting stuff. Originally I was going to write about the Tumblbug as well, but there was a lot more stuff there than I realized, so I'll just talk about the YouTube for now.

The first video shows some very early concept ideas for the game. There's actually a lot of information in this first video, which I suppose makes sense as it's the first introduction to the game and the oldest as well. I've added some markings on my thoughts of some of the images and also brightened some of them as well.

Throughout the video we get to see pages from a manual that gives some basic information about the game. These are in Korean so I put them through Google Translate to read them. It's interesting how even from the very beginning the concept of the Sefirot and the Tree of Life was being used. Page 5 has the same list of Abnormalities that I was straining my eyes to figure out in my NDC post, but then there was the same list in color so all my effort trying to figure out each Abnormality kind of went to waste.

The list that explains the attack types corresponds to the way the attack types worked in the legacy version. With Black damage affecting the facility and Blue damage being Instant death (though attack types are very inaccurately assigned in-game). You can also see how it originally seemed like there were going to be only three types of work: feeding, cleaning, and suppressing. Though there's more information about that on the game's Tumblbug.

It's kind of hard to see, but page 15 shows Tangtang being part of the "Command and Surveillance Team" which is something mentioned in the game's code in early versions. According to the game's code, it seemed like the Control, Information, Safety, and Training teams were originally called the Command and Surveillance, Solution Development, Emergency Planning, and Material Management teams respectively.

This manual seems to be missing page 16 and 17, and it doesn't seem to be shown anywhere in any video.

The line of never forget/we remember the day the Abnormality first escaped that occasionally pops up here and there seems to be referencing Nothing There since it's a line from the first training video where Nothing There escapes.

The second training video was released on October 30, 2015. I don't have much thoughts on this video, but I thought the pixel art was very cute. I mention the date this video was posted because this is the last video with the square employee art style. The next video posted on February 15, 2016 has the Legacy art style, so between October and February the art style for the game changed. I'll talk more about this shift in art style when I look at the Tumblbug.

I also want to take this time to mention Jeremy, the original Lobotomy Corp mascot (not really) who appeared in only three videos but still managed to capture my heart. This post is dedicated in loving memory to Jeremy.

The Teaser Trailor video has a few key things I wanted to mention. First, the assign work UI seems to have the Book w/o Picture or Dialogue as the default icon for every Abnormality, and has a very different UI that I'm not quite sure how it works. Next, you can see some silhouettes of various Abnormalities, and most of them I recognize, but there's some I'm not 100% sure on. Throughout the video we see some Abnormalities that ultimately never made it into the game, but we can see My Sweet Orange Tree in the containment unit at the very end, which made me wonder how far along these unreleased abnormalities were in development. Even the ones in the very old videos, were they actually semi-functional Abnos or were they just placeholder images that never got developed?

The Proto-Demo video shows a manual and a line that leads to the target. The manual isn't in the demo version I have access to but can still be found in the game's files. I don't have much else thoughts on it other than how purposely bad the person playing the game is doing. Just absolutely picking the worst option consistently.

I also don't have much to say about the other game test videos except in the Day 14 video where we can see some very minor differences. First, the entire game seems a lot darker than normal, but that might just be due to the recording. Second, the Abnormality's Damage Type is listed instead of the Attack Type, which is honestly more useful information that I wish was kept for the Legacy version. Third, the hallways are all very dark as if Big Bird was breaching, and generic irrespective of the department. Fourth, the employee assign UI is very slightly different not that huge but just enough to be noticeable. Lastly, I found it funny how PM just left a broken icon for Snow White's Apple in the video.

The third training video with Queen of Hatred is pretty interesting because it seems to be following QoH's story where an employee talks to her over the course of a few days and her moods gets worse every day. But specifically the old version of QoH's story, since it seems like a lot of Abno stories were ever so slightly changed sometime after the 1.0.2.2 version. The new version of the story omits the fact that QoH was neutralized with anesthetic, which was probably because that mechanic was removed after the legacy version. Also, another interesting thing about the video is that the background containment unit seems to be different that usual, where some stuff is in different places and the number written on the wall is 76 instead of 27.

The Lobtomi♥High video was PM's April Fools for 2017, released alongside version 1.0.1.0 which introduced Little Red, Big and Might be Bad Wolf, Central Command Team, and most importantly You're Bald...! PM has historically celebrated April Fools a lot, whether intentionally or not. There's a lot of random abnormalities in this video, including some released, unreleased, and joke abnormalities. I find it interesting that Fragment of the Universe was the only abnormality that was unreleased and not shown before when the video was published that was then released later on. This video was the first time Fragment of the Universe was ever made public.

[ I can't show a screenshot of the video because I reached the max image limit for the post :( ]

There's two launch trailers for the game, one for when the game was first released in early access, and one for when the game was about to fully release. Between the two, I personally like the first one better because it has a better sense of progression rather than just showing bad things happening out of context, but maybe I'm just biased since I like first trumpet more.

Ok, I think that's enough for this post. There's a lot of stuff to unpack with these videos, so it was nice to look back through them again since I haven't really sat down to watch them all in years.

[soopertiddies]

I'm so glad you're watching glee because I love your takes and I feel like glee has an effinophobia problem when it comes to kurt

Glee has a HUGE effeminophobia problem when it comes to Kurt and a lot of that stems from ryan murphy being a bitch (and he has a huge biphobia problem and it's very present in the show).

Like, if I could I'd let Amber, Dianna and Chris fight him in a Denny's parking lot for the way he treated them.

Let me preface this by saying that I was a huge glee fan in 2012 and I was in the trenches for Kurt Hummel at the age of 12 on this godforsaken website. This is my first time re-watching this show since it ended in 2015 and I didn't even watch the last season and probably won't be watching the last season so I can maintain the illusion that it simply does not exist.

I've seen the thinkposts from people who watched it for the first time and think Kurt is a "stereotype" and I always thought that was the dumbest thing i've ever seen because to me he was the blueprint. He was the first queer representation i'd ever seen on primetime television and helped me come to terms with my own queerness.

And there was even a big difference between how they treated Kurt vs. the other gay characters on the show. The biggest shining example was in season 1 with Kurt's crush on Finn.

When I re-watched this, I saw a teen who had a helpless crush on another teen. Was it a little cringe? Yes. But also his character was like 16 so that's prime cringe time. But GOD the think pieces on this. Calling him a "predator" a "creep" saying that Finn was JUSTIFIED in practically calling him a slur. What Kurt did was not worse than what any other character had done on that fucking show.

(Rachel coming on strongly to Finn, Rachel going to Will's HOUSE because she had a crush on him, Quinn lying to Finn about the baby, Mr. Schue in general)

But Kurt was the only one who had lasting consequences, like being told he couldn't sing a duet with Sam because he didn't know "when no means no".

People will go OUT of their way to demonize kurt's character and to me it looks a lot like people love queer character's until they don't fit the mold of what a queer character SHOULD look like. They like the "hot" "manly" gay guys and since Kurt doesn't fit that, he's not worth defending.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent and I'm not proofreading this and I hope I stayed somewhat on topic! Thank you for the ask! (If 12 year old PJ saw this post idk if she would be disappointed or proud).

[foxes-that-run]

Do you think Conplicated Freak is Haylor

Hi, thanks for this ask, it has been ages since I wrote one of these as I've been busy and I enjoyed it.

I think so because of Little Freak and the themes and because the muse is with someone else. Kendall was around that time, but I don't think she fits as well. I really like it too.

Complicated Freak

When was it written, what was going on

It was written between 19 February and 7 May 2016:

Harry said Sweet Creature was the first song he wrote "for the album" and it was a few weeks after his birthday, he was pictured in the studio 19 February.

It is one of the songs listed on the white board behind Harry when his hair was still long. He posted to Instagram that he cut it 7 May 2016.

This post about April 29 and the 2016 timeline which fits this song.

When it leaked

It was in the large leak with Trouble, Already Home, Anna and Medicine during Coachella 20 April 2022.... We all agree Harry should be paid for his music and I would love an album of his unreleased music. This large leak had interesting timing. Taylor had written YLM in December, in 17 April Harry played Boyfriends "To BFs everywhere F U", 19 April (2 years before TTPD) Drake randomly tweeted support to Taylor and then several Harry-Haylor songs leaked on 20 April.

Lyrics

[Verse 1] She got wrapped up in somebody else I'm wrapped up, stuck in love with myself I never saw this coming around But I miss her skin on me now

This verse reminds me of these photos. The first photo of the left was taken and extremely widely publicised 16 March 2016. He left LA and looked miserable in London that week, he got a parking ticket too. I would guess the song is written after he and Taylor both returned to LA 25 March, he was near the studio on 20 April, (after Coachella) and in a mood.

Harry had been tweeting, writing Sweet Creature and sounding very interested in Taylor x, x, x and x. (The second photo is 4 July 2015)

[Verse 2] Tip of my tongue she's pulling my hair I do what she wants anywhere Back seat of the car and up in the air But I miss how she kissed everywhere

This verse Harry is thinking back to when he was with the muse. The references to (hella good) hair, cars and planes are Haylor themes.

There was something in these early HS1 songs I tell you. Without You, is an earlier song, possibly from 2015, but has a really similar reference "Now you’re with him i must admit I’m missing / The part of your skin / You always liked me kissing"

[Chorus] I can't get you off my mi-i-ind I can't get you off my mi-nd I still crave it, complicated freak I still crave it, complicated freak I still crave it, complicated freak

Can't get you off my mind:

Harry has this exact line in Late Night Talking "Now you're in my life / I can't get you off my mind"

Adore you "Lately you've been on my mind"

Where do Broken Hearts Go "Mind is running in circles of you and me"

More on minds

Crave it - Harry and Taylor have linked their relationship to a drug, or addiction as a theme.

Also the title is like Little Freak and Pop Tarts "You're a dirty little monster"

[Verse 3] Turned up too late one too many times Bad choice of words in my alibi I guess I love crazy, out of your mind You lost your head, so I'll give you mine

I love the playful end to this verse. It's a nice furthering of the story from Pop Tarts "Walked you home but you said "Bonne nuit" / Should have known you don't give head out for free"

Crazy is a Haylor theme

[austerlitzborodinoleipzig]

Ranking Shoma's programs

I've never been a big Shoma fan. Not that I don't recognise his talent but i've no particular emotional attachment to him.

I have a lot of respect for his body of work. I think he's probably the most musical skater out there, and since he moved to Lambiel i've started to really enjoy his programs. They don't always move me, I don't rewatch them often (besides one or two exception), but everytime I've watched him skate during competitions they usually leave me thinking "Damn... This is good..." Objectively great but not my skater.

That said, and since I love doing that, here are all Shoma's competitive programs, from his senior career, ranked from least to best, according to my tastes.

16 - Moonlight Sonata, choreo by Mihoko Higuchi (2018/2019 FS)

Yeah, this was a big miss and tbh it's not wonder Shoma's season went middlingly well and that he missed the podium at home Worlds. This program is just not good. The music is overplayed, the choreo is a cut and paste from Shoma and Mihoko's then well established style. Lots of jumps-crossover-jumps-some choreo that consists in looking intense while moving the arms. A miss.

15 - Turandot version 2, choreo by Mihoko Higuchi (2017/2018 FS)

I rewatched it recently and the music cut is just bad. Why you would cut the "vincero" part I have no idea but here it is. Shoma does a good job with it, but it's nowhere close to the first version of this program.

14 - Winter, choreo by Mihoko Higuchi (2017/2018 SP)

I just really really dislike Shoma's packaging from late 2017 to early 2019. It's just a lot of warhorse with really mid choreo. Shoma's musicality saves it but that's about it.

13 - Ladies in Lavender, choreo by Mihoko Higuchi (2016/2017 SP)

It's still intensely Shoma, and by that I mean skate on two feet and move your arms choreo but the music choice is better. At least it's not a warhorse.

12 - Turandot version 1, choreo by Mihoko Higuchi (2015/2016 FS)

Gets bonus points for including Gira La Cote in the music cut.

11 - Stairway to Heaven, choreo by Mihoko Higuchi (2018/2019 SP)

The step sequence is very nice and Shoma's musicaly makes this program.

10 - Great Spirit, choreo by Shae-Lynn Bourne (2019/2020/2021 SP)

Gets deduction points because of some truly bad costumes. Honestly a bit of a let down. The choreo feels far too safe for the music.

9 - Legends, choreo by Mihoko Higuchi (2015/2016 SP)

Much better than any other SP Mihoko choreographed for Shoma. The step sequence alone is more interesting than anything Shoma skated to for the following three seasons. Unexpected like.

8 - Timelapse, choreo by Kenji Miyamoto (2023/2024 FS)

In retrospect, Shoma's farewell FS. Not that great. I love Spiegel im Spiegel but the other piece of music left me cold. The choreo wasn't anything special too, but the performances, especially the NHK one, were absolutely magical.

7 - Bolero, choreo by Stéphane Lambiel (2021/2022 FS)

First of all Bolero gets too much hate from the fandom and y'all lack taste. It's a truly great piece of music and I can think of at least half a dozen warhorses that need to be banned before Bolero. (Romeo and Juliet, Experience, Exogenesis...).

Second of all Sholero goes hard. It is a bit empty at the beginning, but the relentless pace of the music makes for an exciting watch, and in case of a clean program, it's exhilarating. The step sequence at the end is outstanding. Doesn't place higher because the choreo sequence feels almost like an afterthought and honestly Stéphane and Shoma could do better.

6 - Gravity, choreo by Stéphane Lambiel (2022/2023 SP)

Did not enjoy it last season (I thought it wasn't a good fit for Shoma, it felt too much like a Lambiel program). Has grown on me a lot since then. It's the most Lambiel-y Shoma has ever skated and it's good that he did it. Variety! Some diversity in the steps. Makes us of the whole body, not just the arms.

5 - Oboe Concerto, choreo by Kenji Miyamoto (2021/2022 SP)

Quintessential Shoma in that it feels close to a Mihoko program, like Winter, or Ladies in Lavender, but is so so much better. More variety in the choreo. It makes us of the whole body, not just the arms.

Shoma's skating with it's outstanding musicality and uninterrupted flow is a perfect match for Baroque music.

4 - Dancing On My Own, choreo by David Wilson (2019/2020/2021 FS)

My greatest regret, regarding Shoma's career, is that he did not get more programs from Wilson. Imho, given how musical Shoma is, he would have been a perfect fit.

That said DOMO is perhaps the most emotionally loaded program out of them all. Shoma went through hell and high water with it, and when it was performed cleanly, it sang.

3 - Mea Tormenta, choreo by Kenji Miyamoto (2022/2023 FS)

Glorious, iconic, it's a program I don't think anybody but Shoma could have skated. Just stunning work all around, and one of the best men's programs in recent years.

2 - I Love You Kung Fu, choreo by Stéphane Lambiel (2023/2024 SP)

Shoma at his most raw, emotional and soft. Great, great music choice, just magic on the ice.

1 - Loco, choreo by Mihoko Hiiguchi (2016/2017 FS)

I don't know what that says of a skater, when their most successfull program happened during their second senior season, and they've been chasing that high ever since (looking at you Kaori's Piano).

In any case, Loco is as good as the fans say it is, and then some. It highlights all the best aspects of Shoma's skating (the performance, the passion, the musicality) while being absolutely unhinged. Truly one of the highs of the sport.

[tobiasdrake]

The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan, Episode 16

Final episode. It's now or never, Yuki. If you don't pull that trigger this time then you'll never have another--

Well, actually, I think I heard the manga goes farther than the anime does? So. Maybe not. But I want my catharsis after all the time and feels I've invested in her emotional journey!

My dude, it is 2015. You need to sit down with Itsuki for a coffee and ask him about climate change.

Oh this ship is fucked. I don't know how you come back from jerking your hand away from her touch like she's infected with plague.

Pretty sure you're at "Fake my death and move to the next town over" territory at this point.

Like. I get where he's coming from. Factory Settings confessed her love to him and then immediately dropped dead. Anyone would be freaked out over that.

I'm just saying, poor Yuki. She does not know the context of this moment. Minus that, I would be super offended.

Look at her trying not to cry while she apologizes for holding hands with the boy she likes, like it was a grievous personal transgression. The boy who, I should note, grabbed her hand in the first place rather than the other way around.

Yuki. Sweetheart. I'm so sorry this is your life right now.

I can't even be like, "Tell him, Yuki," because boy is grieving so that would not help. Things just suck for everyone in this moment.

Oh my god.

We are actually doing a ninth episode of Eternal Eight.

I mean. In a sense, we've been doing a ninth episode of Eternal Eight since the previous episode. Still.

The audacity. I'm not even mad. I've been complaining about recycling material for the last two episodes but part of me admires the brazenness in going full stop, "Fuck all-a y'all, IT'S ETERNAL EIGHT AGAIN ASSHOLES." XD

Like. There is a logic to ending the series by revisiting the arc that caused Yuki to malfunction and eat Haruhi in the first place. I just. the context of it being this arc specifically.

They had seven years to make new Haruhi material. Seven years to think about the reception to the existing material, and make decisions for what they'd want to do in the new spinoff show. And somebody actually had the nerve to go, "You know what the fans really want? More Eternal Eight."

That is such a Fuck You move that I'm kinda here for it.

Mikuru and Tsuruya aren't here because the timey-wimey shenanigans put Ryoko here instead. That means we're probably not going goldfish scooping.

I do believe I said earlier that I hope everyone died in any cycle where we deprived Mikuru of the one thing she wanted. Sorry, gang, but you're all going under the nearest bus.

Look on the bright side. It might bring Factory Settings back.

Took you 594 years to figure your shit out last time. Try and break your record, Kyon!

Itsuki's branching out into subtle metaphor. Kyon never retains anything Itsuki tells him directly so maybe giving him a puzzle to solve will make him internalize the knowledge better.

Or it will fly over his head. One of the two.

Will Yuki remember to buy a mask? And will they go goldfish scooping so they don't all have to die in a wildfire moments after the credits roll? These are the important questions of Festival Trip 9.

OH MY HARUHI she got distracted by a live performance of Will It Blend. FELT THOUGH. Holy shit, I miss those shameless commercials barely masquerading as an entertainment web show.

You know what? I can accept this. As long as she's having the time of her life, I can forgive a lack of goldfish scooping.

Get fucked, Tsuruya. It is Blender Time.

This is officially one of the best scenes in the franchise. Up there with the time she punched Kyon in the face. Mikuru is getting to enjoy life with no strings attached and got to violently assault one of her abusers. Just like punching Kyon, I could watch her backhand Tsuruya on loop for hours.

Now we just need a scene of her pushing Haruhi in front of a bus and she'll have a hat trick of retaliations.

Also, I still demand they animate the scene of her hurling Kyon down a flight of stairs. I need it.

Okay so we're still going goldfish scooping, we're just doing it without Mikuru.

Not sure if that makes me vindictive again or not. Because on the one hand, this was Mikuru's activity. We were only doing it because she wanted it.

But she's having a really good time watching Will It Blend. If anyone went over to fetch her for scooping, they'd go in the blender.

Dooooo ittttttttttt

And also buy her a mask while you're at it. Failing to acquire a mask for Yuki may or may not also be a death-by-wildfire offense.

Legit thought she was going to be like, "If Yuki and Kyon are officially a thing now then that means you're up for grabs, right? 'Cause I call dibs."

But no. She is going to sort out her feelings with physical violence against inanimate objects.

This is way more believable than her OOC talk with Kyon earlier.

Also, by helping Ryoko sort her feelings with physical violence, Haruhi is nonetheless kinda calling dibs.

(In seriousness, I stand by what I said before regarding how, it may not seem like it, but the fracturing of their emotional codependency doesn't have to mean the end of Ryoko's relationship with Yuki. In time, it may even be stronger than ever for it.

Haruhi's definitely fucked, though. But. Y'know. Fuck her. She is my character and I say this with love but... get fucked, Haruhi. She will be better off in the long run for having learned to process disappointment, as opposed to the spoiled and entitled goddess who drugged Mikuru. This is the kind of thing she desperately needs in the original series.)

Now, all Kyon has to do is be open and honest with his feelings. Specifically, the feelings that I have decided on his behalf that he has, because he's never actually expressed romantic interest towards this version of Yuki but I NEED HIM TO IF THE SHIP IS GOING TO BE FULFILLED.

Which is how Melancholy handles him too. So it's fair.

Aww, Factory Settings came back for this. ^_^ Squee!

So. Confusing. For Escapist Yuki who's passively receiving a love confession meant for a different version of her, though. I feel like she just became a replacement goldfish for herself. So many complicated feelings about this.

Oh. Never mind. I guess Yuki lost the Yuki -> Kyon -> Factory Settings love triangle. Sorry, gurl. But at least you still have Spacetime.

Just. Not right now because you will go in that blender.

(Also Ryoko!)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

He is flirting with you.

In seriousness, it makes sense that they don't clinch the romance here. Like I said earlier, Kyon is grieving. This episode is his opportunity to finally sort out his feelings towards Factory Settings, which he needs to do before he'll be emotionally available for anyone.

This is about Kyon getting closure. I'm sure there's probably much more manga to come before Yuki finally gets what she wants, if she ever does - I keep thinking back to the way her wishes are never, "I want to be with Kyon" but rather "I want to stay friends with everyone."

Still. I want nice things for her, dammit!

Being adopted as Haruhi's mom is agony. Ryoko will be thrilled to know she remains employed at the Nagato residence.

She got something better than a goldfish this time around. She is armed and dangerous. Nobody will ever mess with Mikuru again.

She'll blend your phone. Your personal belongings. The clothes off your back. You. She is a deadly blending warrior now and don't you forget it.

Look at Tsuruya's face. Feel how the power dynamic has shifted.

I'm mad that we end on status quo.

But also happy for Yuki because she got what she wished for all the same.

Complicated feelings.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Post-credits joke is top fucking tier HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This makes no sense but it doesn't have to because this is the end of the road for the show, so it's not going to be followed up on. It's just. An amazing punchline to cap off the revisit of Eternal Eight.

[hotforharrison]

I've been exclusively posting new Harrison content and nothing about me personally for quite some time now, but I just kind of wanted to... talk to the void, I guess. It's been rough lately.

The end of December leading up to the shit show that was my birthday on New Year's Eve, and now into 2024, has not shown me any kindness.

Seeing my husband happily in love with his girlfriend while our marriage spirals around the drain into divorce has been really difficult, one of the hardest things I've gone through in my life.

He says that he wants to work things out and have both of us, which is what I want as well, but his actions speak differently most of the time.

She lives nearby and gets surprise cookies and hugs when she's feeling sad. On multiple occasions, I've gotten left alone in my room in tears.

They talk on the phone more in a single day than he and I did in the entire two weeks I was visiting my family out of state for my high school reunion.

I want so much to be in love and happy again, which I haven't been in quite some time. I'm not sure that it's going to happen with him as much as I want it to. I usually feel like we're on a sinking boat, and I'm trying to use a cup to throw out water to try desperately to keep it afloat, even though it's ultimately futile.

As per the marriage counselor's suggestion, we're being more intentional about our time together, like we're dating again.

Although I'm unable to leave the house right now for anything that isn't absolutely essential (I'll get to that in a minute), we've been having movie nights every Wednesday with phones put away and paying attention to the movie and each other.

We haven't done anything "special" together as a couple in what's honestly been years, and we're going to go to either Kemah Boardwalk or Galveston hopefully the week of April 15, depending on whether it's safe for me to walk that much at that point.

I'm not holding my breath that it's going to ultimately help us reconnect enough to improve things, but I'm hoping it's a step in the right direction of getting there.

We've been polyamorous since 2015, but I haven't dated or been looking for someone to date since 2016, or even just hook up with for that matter. My husband has had a number of girlfriends and partners over the years, which I'm completely fine with.

It's been a sort of mono-poly relationship for the past almost 8 years, but entirely by my own choosing. He didn't influence that at all and actually encouraged me to date again if it's what I wanted to do.

And I am going to go down that rabbit hole hopefully later this year, which is very nerve-wracking.

I know it's absolutely not a requirement for dating, and shallow people who would only date someone who is under a certain weight aren't great partners, but I want to lose a lot of weight before I start looking again. It will help me feel better about myself, and self-confidence is an attractive quality.

Right now, I honestly don't even want to be undressed in front of my husband who I started dating in 2007, so him seeing me undressed is nothing new. I view myself as "fat and disgusting," even though I've known women who weigh as much or more than I do right now who were very attractive and had no trouble dating.

My husband said I carry the weight very well and don't need to be down to some arbitrary number that I come up with to date again, which I wanted to be under 200. He asked how much I weighed when we started dating. I weighed around 260 then, and I understood his point.

I started actively trying to lose weight on September 22 of last year, because there's no reason to wait until some specific date like a New Year's resolution. September 22 was as good a day as any.

I was about 12 lbs shy of my highest weight ever, which was 352.8 lbs, at 340.6. As of January 16, I'd lost over 30 lbs since the end of September and weighed in at 307.1. I'm 5'9, so a tall girly, and my tentative goal is 175. It's subject to change based on my desired goal clothing size, which is a 10. (I don't want to stop shopping at Torrid, and they go down to a 10 at the lowest.)

Anyway, I broke my right leg and severely sprained my left ankle when I fell in a parking lot the day before Thanksgiving in 2022, which halted my weight loss efforts in 2022 and led to me regaining most of the weight I'd lost then.

The amount of damage I did to myself from just falling in a parking lot was pretty impressive. Ironically, I did not break the glass bottles of hard cider I was carrying, only myself.

The broken leg healed perfectly over the course of a few months or so, but because I still had to use the other leg as my main weight bearing side, it didn't get to properly heal like it should have. My sprained ankle's ligaments were very loose. The ankle kept collapsing over the course of 2023, through a round of physical therapy, and I just kept spraining my ankle over and over again whenever I tried to do more demanding things like working out. Being more active is very important to weight loss and health, so it was really frustrating.

Eventually, after trying to work out one too many times and foolishly not allowing the injury enough time to "heal," (and I use the term "heal" loosely because it never actually did and just became increasingly damaged) I ended up in putting myself into an immobilizing boot full time because of the collapsing extending itself into normal walking.

The first round of physical therapy made no difference, and I did a consultation with a different physical therapy place to see what they said. After going over my situation and having an assessment of my ankle with the physical therapist, I asked if he were in my shoes what he would choose to do. He said that if it were him, he'd do the surgery and follow it up with physical therapy to regain strength and balance.

So I had the surgery to fix it once and for all on January 19. (I was hoping to have the surgery ASAP, but couldn't do it in December like I originally hoped. My insurance was changing in January.)

The injury was apparently worse than the doctor initially thought it was, and I haven't been able to put any weight at all on it since then. I had been very much hoping to be able to put some weight on it again at my 3 week follow up, but no dice. I've been stuck exclusively on a knee scooter cart and crutches for over 5 weeks now. It's been such a struggle, in so many ways.

I've left the house literally 3 times since I got home after the surgery. Two follow up appointments with the foot and ankle doctor, and an interesting session of marriage counseling while I was drugged out of my mind on prescription painkillers. I honestly don't remember much of it, or that week in general. I was very happy to transition to ibuprofen and acetaminophen after the first week post-op.

I haven't been able to weigh myself since my last weigh in before the surgery on January 16, which is taking a very, very heavy toll on me and my mental health.

I've been having recurring nightmares about getting back on the scale and weighing more than I ever have in my life -- like 70+ lbs more than I did when I last weighed myself in January. I know rationally that I've actually lost weight and am very likely under 300 lbs now, but there's still this deep, nauseating fear that I'm wrong and weigh more than I ever did.

My husband assures me that he can tell that I've lost weight, but it doesn't feel real to me with my skewed perception -- like my brain tells me that the clothes that fit differently were obviously messed up while they were being washed and just ended up stretched out somehow.

I took measurements of my body when I started losing weight in September, and as of a week or so ago, I've lost 7" in my bust and hips and 5" in my waist. My brain tries to convince me that I just measured myself wrong in September, like I could somehow measure myself wrong with over 7" of difference with the exact same tape measure.

It makes no logical sense.

I have another follow up appointment with the foot and ankle doctor on Monday morning and get to find out if I can put weight on my left leg again after some x-rays to check my healing progress. (That makes me nervous because I still have some prominent bruises on one of my thighs that I had on January 20. They've gone from purple to brown, but they're still very obvious. It's supposed to take 2 weeks for bruises to go away. Not 5+.)

I really don't know that I can handle having to wait even longer to weigh myself again and start the process of getting back to walking and eventually working out.

I want so desperately to be able to make progress toward my goals instead of just miserably stagnating here.

I want to lose the weight. I want to be healthier. I want to feel better about myself. I want to have the chance to finally figure out things with my husband, even if the conclusion we ultimately come to isn't what I'm hoping for. I want to find a nice guy to date. I just want to move forward, actually live my life.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, I guess?

[loafbud]

loafbud etymology

idk if i had said this before a long time ago here yet, but the "loaf" in my name is actually referring to the "lazy, laying around doing nothing; e.g., loafing around" type of loaf, not loaf as in "bread"

some loafbud lore: i actually came up with the name when i was in my junior year in high school. it was for the last name of a fursona i had back then, which was this oc:

(this is my old art from 2015/16)

this was the time when i started seeing the world thru a more pessimistic lense and instead of countering those negative thoughts with more realistic or optimistic ones, i fed them.

at this age, i was very much someone that'd chant in my head: "long live loners! (← this was literally an oath i swore myself to when i was like,, 17 LOL)! the world is cruel! im a loner because 👿 you made me this way 👿! love isn't real!" and then proceed to fill up my sketchbook with snarling, battle-scared wolves drooling out blood and continue to inwardly blame ppl for my solitude,, even tho I activately chose to isolate myself due to social anxiety & fear of what others thought of me, but my younger self wasn't ready to hear that 😂😂

i say all this because i realized that i created the alias "loafbud" during a more challenging time in my life. "challenging" in the sense that i was always in a constant battle with myself via negative thoughts, when i started choosing to see the world/society in a grim light. i was choosing to let depression define me. I'd still have many positive moments since then, but I'd always allow the dark stuff to consume me from within.

and im here looking back at those days, and how far I've come as a person. even if im not perfect, i grew. i still make mistakes, even the ones that make me go "daaamn loaf, u fucked up big time", but ive allowed myself to learn what ive done wrong, avoid making the same fuckery, and move on! i always used to get so hung up on stuff lol

and after i look back, i come bacm to the present and look at my name: loafbud. i know it's just an alias/online name, but I've always seen myself having a positive future with this alias, even when i was a crabby teenager buried within my own miasma of self-negativity.

it had a meaning then (a meaning i stuck with as a teen), but im in my mid 20s and that meaning has long since no longer resonated with me. and yet i held onto it, desperately. like im this butterfly that's so fucking afraid to leave its cocoon.

i dont want to spend the rest of my life living up to its old meaning: loaf: 'lazy, unproductive'; 'bud: earbuds/buddy'

so starting today, im giving it a new meaning.

IM FLYING OUT OF THIS COCOON GRAAAH‼️‼️‼️‼️ 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

the new meaning behind behind "loafbud":

loaf: basically, when i think about bread, i see it an an analogy for abundance, literally & figuratively

bud: budding; like, imagine a new leaf growing like its just sprouting or smth

(i know aliases, especially online, doesn't always necessarily need to have a hidden or deep meaning behind them. but i always wanted my alias to mean something to me haha)

TL;DR: username lore

[0rczy]

The Little Prince (2015) is such an underrated movie and a MASTERPIECE. Want something that makes you feel lots of emotions? A lighthearted story with great messages? Phenomenal animation and memorable music?Watch it.

Recommended especially if you've read the book, found it good but didn't love it. (Don't expect an adaptation. It's not that.)

Or, if you're growing up right now. Between the ages of 16-21.

I Re-watched it for the first time since it came out. And wow.

It's one of the most influential films I've ever seen. It shaped my worldview, taste in media and in art. I was moved even back then, but on second watch I bawled my eyes out at like 6 different scenes. Haven't cried this much at anything in a long time, felt great.

I'll definitely draw some fan art for it soon.

[cinamun]

TAGGED by @simmerstellar ! Thanks friend!

Come get to know me y'all!

1. What’s your favorite sims death? I haven't had a sim die from anything other than old age in a HOT minute but I saw a LP and the murphy bed death seems so unecessarily violent lmfao.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? BOTH! I consider my style Maxis Mix. We love a nice combo of both.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Not anymore but at one point I had to. Let me explain: I don't know if it was a glitch but like after every meal with grannie's cookbook, Indya would gain weight instantly. Didn't happen with anyone else (although everyone else are athletes of some sort). She's always and forever thick but something was definitely up with the food mods I was using. Anyway, we're good now since I'm not playing her HH exclusively anymore.

4. Do you use move objects? Absolutely. Its too restrictive! Gotta play test when I do though because routing errors make me irrationally angry.

5. Favorite mod? Wickedwhims. I don't care! If I want my sims to get freak-nasty I have a blog for that and WW never fumbles. If I want them to do cute little intimate things, WW is there. If you don't like the smut, I feel bad for you son.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? I've gotten pretty much ever iteration of this game except for almost all of the kits and the star wars pack.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? ALIVE. I don't understand the other one honestly lol. We're going LIVE as soon as I press play so....

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? Obvs Indya Drake!

9. Have you made a simself? Yes! But she needs help lol I'm not good at that at all so there's a resemblance but she doesn't really look like me. When I do gameplay with her I say she's my "sorta-kinda self sim" lol

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? gloomy, neat, loner, romantic

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Black but like BLACK Black, not the BLUE Black lol.

12. Favorite EA hair? All of the afro textured ones.

13. Favorite life stage? Young adults.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Gameplay mostly stories but I love to decorate!

15. Are you a CC creator? I will recolor the shit out of something! That's about it lol

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? All my mutuals and anyone who reads my story! #Squad

17. What’s your favorite game? The Sims 4 is the only game I play. Don't @ me.

18. Do you have any sims merch? Nope.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? Nope, but I have been asked to make a channel and got that far at least. No videos lol.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? If anything, less alpha and more maxis match.

21. What’s your Origin ID? [redacted]

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? All of the ones that do it for FREE and for the love of the game. I donate too because I understand its not easy, but also not worth a month long paywall or conveniently forgetting to publicly release something.

23. How long have you had a simblr? 2015 are my earliest posts I think.

24. How do you edit your pictures? Gshade and Photoshop Elements 2020

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? Cottage Living is the goat IMO even though I don't play it much anymore. I do very much enjoy Island Living and Growing Together will round out a nice top 3.

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? I haven't really thought about it. I just figure the sims 4 is nearing the end of its era and we're gonna start hearing about project rene more and more.

oh! tagging @shesthespinstersimmer @bridgeportbritt @iplaysims4 @beebeesiims @thegloomiestwhim @hazelminesims @therichantsim @omgkayplays @softerhaze @crsentfairy

please ignore if you don't do these or already did this!