#i've never felt this alive in years

[c4i-r0]

okay so I haven't opened tumblr for like a solid couple months so I just wanted to say:

johnathon ohnn.

the spot.

thank you and have a good day.

[inga-don-studio]

Ok yeah, that was worth dragging my sorry carcass downtown for (genuine)

[igneouswyvern]

me after i let my anger get the best of me and accidentally kill someone who could have been purified and the resulting gut-wrenching guilt consumes my every waking moment and my terror that it might happen again is so severe that it manifests as horrible nightmares that plague me every night and the worst part about them is that i actually enjoy killing my victims in the nightmares which is a thought more horrifying than any foe i might face and that's why i can never tell any of my friends about what im going through because if they knew the full truth they would surely think me a monster and, honestly, i couldn't blame them and so all i can do is suffer in silence and wait for the guilt and shame as well as what are sure to soon become full-fledged psychopathic tendencies begin producing malevolence in me until i am completely consumed by it and wind up destroying everyone i love and leading the world to certain catastrophe. but it's okay haha im totally fine you don't need to worry about me

[ayakashibackstreet]

You know what, joining that Discord show club was a great idea, like half of my favourite PKC folks are there. And is there anything more wholesome than someone going '1!! hey, I remember that dog!! she's adorable, I'm glad she's doing well!' about a little pixel friend they made for you years ago?

[wildermouse]

i keep having this like. empty ghost feeling of a life with a girlfriend/partner. i stand in my dark empty kitchen and i think,, 'this is so bland. so lifeless.' and i imagine vividly what it would be like if i had someone there who i loved. i wish i could come home and fall right into someone's arms and just be held and loved for a while. i can feel it. there's this deep depressing longing for that specific feeling you get when you're in love. and there's literally no other way to feel that feeling.

[hollowflight-propaganda]

Me: has my sixth sudden crying spell of the week

Also me: "yeah but I'm probably not ACTUALLY depressed"

[subsequentibis]

been saying my boyfriend so much recently and it's sooo nice. my boyfriend my boyfriend i love my boyfriend

[laststandx3]

If I were the last surviving member of a failed expedition in the arctic I wouldn't choose to keep living there. Like, one main factor of doom was that there weren't plants around and after all that suffering you choose to keep living without leaves in your life? without fruits? without apples and oranges and peaches and berries? without vegetables? No more eggplants or peppers or corn or onions? No man, when I hear Ross talking about his shot of lemon juice to fight scurvy I'll remember how good even a green salad tastes and pack my bag. Rip Francis Crozier but I need garlic in my life

[aftrskool]

cried like a little baby last night

[omarfor-orchestra]

Found another bruise

[blujayonthewing]

fucking around with makeup for nerd reasons at my desk and pointing bright LEDs right at my own face and looking at it kinda close up gave me an exceptionally clear look at my teeth and anyway I wanna die

[florenceisfalling]

like idk. i miss seeing content from s.igne (though i respect gab wholeheartedly). i miss fanart from my favorite artists. i miss older eras of j.se at times (and yes, there were older eras, the way people pretended he Never Changed is just weird). i miss old anti designs. i miss the old fic trends. i miss having a very active fandom (though i am so happy to see the new arrivals) and i miss seeing him interact with fans the way he did on tumblr back in the day. i miss the way i used to interact with some of the blogs here before i decided to fuckin,,, wage holy war and make enemies out of them (joking, but i have seen sides to some of these people that i wish i could tear out of my memory). i miss feeling confident that i could trust the good intentions of people here and even the big man himself (not god. that makes sean sound like god. you know what i mean). i miss when some of you weren't so fucking bitter which is funny because i'm the bitterest bitch alive. idk. i don't think it's bad to miss any of these things because i'm not going to be an ass and act like it's anybody's fault. i'm not going to be bothered by gab for being happy because i'm glad she is happy, and i'm not going to get bothered by sean taking a reasonable step back from this hellsite when people were cruel to him, and i'm not going to get mad at trends for changing because that is how time works. but i do miss things and i know its cringe and parasocial and perhaps even problematic but i hate having to pretend like i never have Any feelings about the past lest i break a hypothetical rule of what is the Normal level of attachment to an online community. okay. i think i'm done now.

[anxietykicksmyass]

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[longagoitwastuesday]

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[genderfreakxx]

got a top surgery date after years and years and its made me start thinking about true love again

[chrisbangs]

hi li I hope you're doing okay (obv not and I mean that in the NICEST way possible) I'm sorry you're going through so much shit with men and your mom and jobs :/ my abusive ex called me the same girls name twice when I was in my....relationship/situationship with him so! That was cool and he definitely fucked me up in more ways than one. As for the other stuff, I've been unemployed for a month now (for the second time this year!!!!) so I feel like my degree is useless and I'm doing something wrong cause all my friends are either in grad school or have stable jobs lmao 🙃 and then. my mom told me to smile more in public the other day so that men would talk to me but!! She still doesn't know that I'm a lesbian!!!!!! Lmao. Maybe this is weirdly personal and out of nowhere but I definitely still read your text posts and think about you so I guess I just want you to know that you aren't alone in having an especially Bad Time rn. But yeah. I love seeing your posts on my dash and I do read your tags and I hope things can start to work out better for you soon, you definitely deserve better. I hope this ask isn't too weird but I just wanted to send you some love 💕

dndkdmdmdmd 😞💗 it wasn't weird at all and i appreciate you and your kind words so much you have no idea!!!! sjsjksksks i feel like we're living the same life atp this is literally mirroring my life almost exactly 😭 i get you my dude... and i'm sorry you're going through some shitty stuff rn 🫂🤍 i really hope things do change and get better :(

honestly it's kinda crazy when everything sucks and nothing makes me feel better like damn 🫡 gonna just keep taking Ls and for whatttt like what's the pointttt 🤷‍♀️ it's just insane to me...

in any case 🫂🖤 this is me sending u a hug bud... i hope you're doing ok... perhaps we won't feel miserable forever but at least in any case i am rooting for you!!!