#i've posted worse things but this makes me nervous lol

[taevbears]

To Be Loved - 02

I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell.

⤑ pairing: namjoon x reader (a bit of reader x jungkook) ⤑ genre: hybrid au, romance, hurt/comfort ⤑ rating: 18+ ⤑ word count: 6.4k ⤑ warnings: discussions about physical/domestic abuse, descriptions of reader in a toxic relationship, hybrids are seen as sub-human, kangdae is still an asshole, please be mindful of the warnings!!⤑ note: wow, i'm truly overwhelmed by all the notes and comments from the 1st chapter! it's always so nerve-wrecking for me to post new projects, and i can't thank you guys enough for sending me feedback. so i've decided to post this chapter a little earlier than i had planned lol. it's heavily about reader and the bunny hybrid rn, but namjoon definitely will have his chance to shine ;)

Chapters 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 (End)

“Where are we going?”

That’s a good question. The obvious answer is out of this small, provincial town. Away from Kangdae and his owner. To the countryside, in a bustling city, or a summer cabin in the woods. Anywhere, really.

“I don’t know yet.”

Your hands tighten around the steering wheel as you keep your gaze on the road. The hybrid is sitting next to you on the passenger seat, wearing some of Kangdae’s clothes, including a black bucket-hat to cover his long ears.

Hours have passed since you and the bunny hybrid left your home and hit the road. 

You’ve wrestled with the idea of packing your bags and leaving everything behind before. It’s something you thought about more than you’d like to admit. After violent arguments between you and Kangdae, where you’ve had enough and where he’d leave you to “cool off” and come back whenever he pleases, you’d throw your things in a duffel bag: clothes, toiletries, a hidden wad of cash, food, the first-aid kit, whatever you could get your hands on.

But every time before, you weren’t able to cross that threshold out the door. You weren’t able to do this alone.

Fear has a tight grip on you. Insecurity as well. Kangdae is well off and financially stable. He could get any girl he wants and make her feel special, just as he’s done with you and all the other women he’s cheated on you with. He has nothing to lose if you leave, but you’ll lose everything: your job, your reputation, your family, your dignity.

Kangdae’s family has control of every business in town. It’s hard to find a job that isn’t directly influenced by them. Your reputation would be tarnished as well. You’ll be the girl who ran away from the most sought-after bachelor in town, and people would think you’re insane. Your family would be disappointed, and you know that running to them would mean they’d just try to make you change your mind and go back to Kangdae before you make things worse. And if you’re not able to make it on your own, what then? Could you even come back to this town once you leave?

The hybrid follows you from room to room, nervous as he helps you carry your things into the car. There were several times when you had a moment of reconsideration, second-guessing yourself that maybe you can’t do this after all and that this whole thing is stupid and reckless.

But the moment you catch a glimpse of his hopeful, doe-shaped eyes, your morale returns. You weren’t able to cross the threshold on your own, but this time, with another person depending on you, you did. With the engagement ring and your cell phone left behind, you don’t look back.

Soon, you find yourself here. In a car with a hybrid, and no real direction on where to go yet. Your options are limited, and the hybrid’s even more so.

You’ve stopped at your bank and withdrew as much cash as you’re able to before closing the account. You’ve stopped at a car mechanic to check your tires and do a quick maintenance, as you’re expecting to be on the road for quite some time. You’ve stopped at a 24-hour pharmacy to purchase more bandages and antibacterial sprays and ointments before re-cleaning the hybrid’s wounds in a parking lot. You’ve stopped at a library to do some research on inexpensive hotels and lodges that allow hybrids, and click away from any shelters and advertised sanctuaries that the hybrid doesn’t look comfortable staying in.

It’s been nonstop since you finally walked out the door, trying to drown away your fears and doubts by keeping busy. By mustering your courage and being prepared.

But now, things have quieted down. There aren’t many cars at this time of night. Many people are in bed or are out spending the rest of their evening with friends and their significant other. Streetlights illuminate the dark roads ahead, but your mind wanders as the music quietly plays from the radio.

It feels crazy. You feel insane doing this.

What if Kangdae comes home? How soon would it be until he finds you? How long would it take until your parents notice? Or your neighbors? Or anyone else? Wouldn’t the hybrid’s abusive owner be looking for him too? Wouldn’t this be considered kidnapping? Rescuing? Are you going to be arrested if you’re caught?

Yet, as you glance at the hybrid next to you, you know you can’t let Kangdae or the owner continue to hurt him. You have to take him somewhere safe at least, and then you’ll deal with the consequences later.

“Do you have a family? Friends? A place to go?”

“No…” the hybrid answers, shaking his head. He doesn’t have any of those. Your heart sinks at the realization.

So, you ask him something that he can answer. “Are you hungry?”

The diner is relatively empty when you and the hybrid are seated. There are a couple truck drivers that are grabbing a quick meal and a cup of coffee before they continue on with their deliveries. A man in a janitorial uniform seems to have just gotten off his late shift and is tiredly eating a sandwich. And a small group of teenagers are enjoying a very late dinner together after a concert or party before they head home.

The hybrid makes sure that his ears are covered with the hat, tugging on the rim to keep it down as he glances at the warning sign on the window that disallows hybrids from entering the establishment. Though, the night staff seems too tired to really care or notice anyway.

“Go ahead and order whatever you want, okay?” you assure him, noting how he seems fixed on the page that lists their salads.

A waitress comes to take your orders and brings you hot coffee and the hybrid a glass of milk. While the two of you wait for your food, you’re so lost in thought, you haven’t noticed the hybrid eyeing you until he finally speaks up. “You’re so nice.”

“I’m just trying to do the right thing,” you reply with a tiny shrug, grabbing the little cups of coffee creamer and packets of sugar.

“Not a lot of humans would do what you’re doing for me,” he says quietly.

Again, you feel your heart sink a little.

Hybrids have been around for thousands of years, yet they’ve always been treated as sub-human. For centuries, humans would overtake their natural habitats, hunt and capture them for sport or to make money, separate them from their packs, enslave them or force them into violence and entertainment. Co-existing with them is still a fairly new and controversial concept as the politics dictating hybrid rights and laws are a heated topic every year.

How much humanity or animal instincts hybrids have or not never really mattered to you. They’re still intelligent, some even more so than humans are. They look human other than some distinct animal features they can’t hide. Yet, they’re treated like vicious monsters, even if humans are the worst.

“More people should,” you simply say as you mix your coffee with cream and sugar.

Soon enough, the waitress sets a big bowl of salad in front of the hybrid and a plate of pancakes and strawberries for you. Just like before, the hybrid scarfs down his food quickly, barely letting himself savor the taste. As if he’s worried that someone would snatch the bowl away from him if he doesn’t eat it fast enough.

“Hey, slow down a little,” you warn him, and he immediately puts down the salad bowl. His eyes flash with guilt and fear, afraid that he made you upset. You offer him a small, friendly smile. “I just don’t want you to choke. Here, I’ll give you some of mine too. This diner claims to be famous for their hot cakes.”

The hybrid watches as you cut up a generous portion and place it on his plate. He still seems a bit confused and hesitant with your actions, but nibbles on the red fruit first.

“You’re nice,” he repeats, more as a reminder to himself than anything.

“Thank you.”

“Why are you with that mean human?”

Your smile fades a little. “You mean Kangdae?”

He nods his head, chewing on his bottom lip, as if he’s still a little nervous about making you angry.

You sigh. “That’s another good question.”

To be honest, it’s something you wonder about all the time. Other than your beauty, you don’t know what else he sees in you. Neither of you really have anything in common. His lifestyle indulges in women, parties, and whatever puts him in the spotlight. Yours is quieter, calmer, and ideally, surrounded by arts and books.

There have been times when it was actually nice to be with him. Days where he’s in a good mood and makes you feel like you’re the one. When his flattery actually charms you and he remembers things like your birthday or an anniversary. Dating him has also opened doors that you wouldn’t have been able to walk through on your own: your job under his parent’s company, a nice apartment in town, trips to resorts and beautiful places, financial stability among other things.

A lot of people say you’re lucky to have him. And at some point, you started to believe that Kangdae is it. That you can’t do any better than him.

Kangdae loved you, and you thought, maybe, you could love him in return.

Even if it isn’t what you envisioned love to be at all.

Things started to become worse after you two moved in together. His gigs as a rapper, an influencer, or a vlogger, weren’t making much income, and he refused to work under his parents, so he never contributed to the bills. He argued with you all the time: about money, about bills, about some random guy being too friendly with you when he’s taking your coffee order, about you spending too much time away from home when your company throws a mandatory get-together, about you not getting dinner hot and ready for him the second he comes home, about you always being too tired or not in the mood for sex. The list goes on.

Yet, somehow, he convinced you to stay.

Out of convenience. Out of the inevitable threat of financial instability. Out of knowing you’d be disappointing everyone who ever told you you’re lucky to be with him. Out of insecurity that you’d honestly not find anyone else who’d love you.

But the hybrid before you is your last straw.

He’s chewing on the lettuce. The motion of his mouth reminds you very much of actual bunnies as he continues to stare at you with big, round eyes, waiting for you to continue.

“It doesn’t matter why I was with him,” you decide, stabbing your fork into your pancake. “What matters is that I’m never going back to him again.”

“Did you love him?”

You frown at your plate. Other than what you gave to the hybrid, you haven’t taken a bite. “I thought I did. But now, I’m not sure. Love always seems so different in books and movies. It looks nicer. Warmer. Sweeter than anything.”

“I think love can be like that in real life too,” the hybrid tells you, seeming a bit shy. “But you won’t find it with that guy. You’re too nice to be with someone like him.”

You smile a little at that. Perhaps it’s because he’s part bunny, but you feel incredibly endeared by him. “You know, I don’t think I ever got your name.”

“I’m good with any name,” he replies with a tiny shrug. “That guy… the owner… he didn’t give me a name.”

“Is there anything you want me to call you?”

The hybrid rolls his eyes to the ceiling and scratches his cheek in thought. “Jungkook. That’s what I used to be called.”

“Jungkook?”

He nods his head. A small smile forms on his lips. “It’s nice when you say it.”

You laugh a little. “Thank you.”

“No, no. I should be thanking you,” he insists, looking at you quite seriously. “I’ll figure out a way to repay you. I promise.”

“You already did.”

He blinks. “I did? When?”

“Earlier, when you asked me to help you,” you tell him with a wry smile. “I couldn’t save myself, but I had to save you. From your owner, from Kangdae, from all the other mean people. So, thank you for giving me the courage to get us both out of that situation.”

For the next couple of days, you and Jungkook drive as far as you can without much of a destination in mind. 

At first, the two of you stopped at different shelters and adoption centers, but there was always some excuse that made you pull out of the parking lot before you could even make it to the building. The place looked too shabby with faded paint and deteriorating plaster, or the place looked too sterile and heartless to be called a home. Jungkook didn’t trust that they’d actually take care of him, or you’re afraid his owner would find him too easily at that location. 

Eventually, you stopped bothering and skipped potential centers altogether. Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind, though. He seems to rather be with you than to be dropped off at a mysterious and scary place, and part of you doesn’t even mind.

He’s good company and an easy person to talk to during the long hours on the road. Even when the radio is off, he’d sing to you or talk for hours straight.

Sometimes, he talks to you about what it’s like to be a hybrid.

“So, you can actually turn into an animal?” you exclaim, shocked by the news. You assume that hybrids stay stuck as a mix between human and animal forever. When Jungkook doesn’t answer you, you glance over at the passenger seat and see a black bunny with the same, doe-shaped eyes staring up at you. “Oh my god, you can!”

He transforms back in a blink of an eye, grabbing the steering wheel when you begin to swerve off the road as he shouts, “Be careful!”

Sometimes, you talk about what it’s like to be human.

“You’re actually a little weak, aren’t you?” Jungkook teases, helping you carry a pack of water bottles among other snacks and road trip essentials to the trunk. “Are all humans like this, or is it just you?”

“I can return the ice cream you picked out, you know,” you threaten as he loads up the trunk. “And the banana milk.”

“No, no, don’t do that,” he says with a chuckle and a shake of his head. It’s the first time you’ve heard him laugh.

Every now and then, you’d stop by at gas stations, rest stops, convenience stores, motels, and fast-food joints. It’s tolling on your body to drive for hours at a time, but the hybrid tries to keep you entertained. And you’re thankful for his company.

“I didn’t think you’d be into this type of music,” Jungkook admits as he fiddles around with the radio. The passenger side where he’s at is wide open as you hand him a drink from the vending machine.

“Why? You don’t like hip hop?” you ask, opening a bottle of water and glugging it down. The two of you are parked at a rest stop so you could stretch your legs and use the public restroom. 

“I like all kinds of music,” he tells you, his thin lips stretching to a shy smile that exposes his bunny teeth. He uncaps his own bottle and asks, “Who’s your favorite artist?”

You almost choke at the question. Honestly, you haven’t really thought about it much, but there is one person that comes to mind. “I don’t think you’d hear him on the radio.”

“Oh yeah? What’s his name?”

“Rap Monster.”

While traveling on the road is daring, fun, full of deep talks, laughter, and singing, it’s also a little scary. In the back of your mind, there’s always that fear that you’ll get caught. That the police would take you back to Kangdae, or that Jungkook’s owner would find you and force him back into more brutal fights and beatings. That someone suspicious would approach you when you’re filling up for gas in the middle of the night, or that you’d end up in an unsafe area.

“Don’t be scared,” Jungkook whispers to you, placing a hand on the small of your back. He eyes the group of men loitering in front of the motel wearily. “If they try to mess with you, I’ll protect you. I’m strong.”

“Thanks, Jungkook,” you murmur back, feeling a bit safer. Taking a deep breath, you briskly walk across the parking lot with the hybrid right behind you. Your gaze is kept firmly on the building, even as the sleazy men in front of it try to whistle and call for your attention. You hear them laughing at how scared you must look.

Had it been Kangdae instead of Jungkook, he’d either start a fight with those men and put the blame on you – claiming that you wanted it, that the way you’re dressed was asking for unwanted attention, that you’re trying to make him jealous by making eye contact with them. If he really felt like being an asshole, he’d shove you toward them until you’re crying and clinging onto him, and Kangdae would laugh and simply say you should feel flattered by the attention.

By the time you check in, Jungkook is already taking all your belongings from the car into the room so you don’t have to go back out there. He doesn’t question you when he finds you sitting on the bed and crying. And you don’t ask him about the redness on his knuckles when you check on his wounds later that night.

At the motel, Jungkook lets you take the bed as he plops down on the couch. It can’t be that comfortable, but he always insists on sleeping there, claiming it’s better than the cage he usually sleeps in. Your heart drops every time he mentions it.

Without a phone, it’s hard to keep researching hybrid centers, checking on the reviews, and looking up their locations. But there are pamphlets of maps, restaurant menus, and local business fliers on the nightstand.

“This place claims to be a humane shelter for hybrids,” you read out loud, looking at the picturesque photos of a variety of hybrids with humans: dog-hybrids of mixed breeds, domestic cat-hybrids with pointy ears and fluffy tails, birds with talons on their feet, and bunnies like Jungkook with long ears and a cute tail. “No kill, free-range, very thorough adoption process to ensure your hybrid finds a new forever home.”

“They’re lies,” Jungkook bitterly states without even looking at it. “All of them are.”

You toss the flier in the nearby wastebasket and sigh. “We need to at least look at some of these places. We can’t keep driving around like this forever.”

Jungkook peeks over at you. Then, in a quieter voice, he asks, “Why not?”

“I want to find you a proper home. With a home gym where you can workout anytime you want. And a nice kitchen with a full fridge where you can eat actual meals instead of living off ramen packets and potato chips. And maybe even a karaoke machine with colorful mood lights so you can sing your heart out,” you explain, imagining he’d have so much fun and be well-taken care of. “I want you to feel comfortable and happy instead of being stuck in my car all the time, and just wandering around aimlessly until our money runs out.”

You see the pout jutting out of his lip. “What if I just want to stay with you?”

“I’m not exactly living in the lap of luxury right now,” you tell him with a sad smile. It’ll be hard to let him go, but you know it’s for the best. Even if he doesn’t agree.

“Then what about you?”

“I’m… still figuring it out,” you reply, sighing again. Finding a home for Jungkook is a priority, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t been thinking about your next step. “I have a sister who might be able to take us in for now. I haven’t talked to her for years. She might not even remember me or want to help. But I can’t think of anyone else. She still lives far from here, but if we cut through the forest instead of taking the main roads, we’ll get to her much sooner.”

His silence makes you wonder if he’s thinking the same thing: this is a bad idea.

“It’s going to rain,” he reminds you with a frown. You don’t need animal instincts to know that. The looming, grey clouds in the sky tells you that a storm is near.

Still, you turn on the TV to look at the weather forecast. “I’ll drive slow.”

“It’ll still be dangerous.”

Breaking news. Missing person report. If you have seen this woman, please contact your local authorities immediately. Last seen wearing—

You stare at a photo of yourself on the television. Your heart picks up as Jungkook’s eyes widen. If you thought the cops were after you before, they surely are now.

They’ll find you if you take the main road to your sister’s place.

“We don’t have much of a choice.”

A thick tension hangs in the air between you and Jungkook. It’s something that you haven’t felt since the night the two of you spontaneously decided to run away from your abusers. Every passing car has you on edge, making you wonder how long the two of you can pull this off. If you could even make it to your sister’s place.

Would someone recognize your license plate? Are the cops already on your trail? Would Kangdae and Jungkook’s owner be out there looking for the two of you? What if they catch you? What would you do then?

The windshield wipers swipe back and forth against the heavy rain, but it doesn’t do much good. It’s still so hard to see as your car pulls up to the road leading into the dense forest.

“Just drive slow,” Jungkook reminds you, his voice gentle.

You nod your head. Then, carefully, you step on the gas.

Tall trees cover both sides of the narrow road. Under much nicer weather and better circumstances, perhaps it would be a relaxing, scenic drive to go through. But as it is, it’s terrifying. And dark. You can barely see past what your headlights illuminate.

But at least no one is following you two. For now, anyway.

After a while, everything starts to look the same. It makes you wonder if you’re just driving around in circles. In the corner of your eye, you see Jungkook yawning and trying hard to stay awake with you. But the constant rainfall and the occasional rumbles of thunder seems to lull him to sleep.

“If you’re tired, you could take a nap,” you tell him. It’ll still be a little while until you get to your sister’s place anyway.

“No, no, I should stay up with you,” he mumbles, though his eyes are already closed. His head starts to droop as he nods off, but then, Jungkook suddenly snaps awake. His whole body stiffens as his hand shoots up to grab you.

“Ow! Jungkook, what–?”

Then, you hear it.

A deep, animalistic roar.

Your heart hammers in your chest as your car halts to a stop. It sounds so close.

“Don’t stop. Keep driving,” Jungkook urges.

“Right,” you mutter, stepping on the gas again. You’re not even sure what kind of animal it is, but you can’t see anything but shrouds of darkness among the trees. Whatever it is, though, has Jungkook spooked.

“Faster,” he insists. His hand around your arm tightens a little. You push the gas pedal a little more. “Faster!”

Somehow, the roar sounds closer.

The two of you are speeding through the dirt path as safely as you can. Rain continues to fall without letting up. The heavy patter of raindrops hits hard against the rapid swipes of your windshield wipers. You can’t even see what’s even chasing you, but it has Jungkook terrified.

“What do you think it is?” you try to ask him, eyes flickering toward him worriedly.

“I don’t know, but— WATCH OUT!”

A deer is in the middle of the dirt road. Caught in the headlights, it stands frozen.

It feels like everything happens in slow motion.

You and Jungkook are screaming as your hands turn the wheel, swerving out of the way before you hit the poor animal.

Your foot is on the brakes, but the roads are slippery. You’re not able to stop.

Your car slams against a tree. Jungkook’s arm protectively shields you as the airbags trigger upon impact.

Everything feels slowed down, but it happens in an instant.

“Don’t hurt her.”

You’re not sure when, but you must have passed out.

With effort, you try to open your eyes. Your vision is blurry, but you can see that you’ve been pulled out of your car. The front is completely wrecked. Your car door is open and the airbags on both sides are deflated.

It’s still raining. You can feel yourself getting soaked, but you’re pressed against something solid and warm. How did you get here? Is that deer okay?

Where’s Jungkook?

“You don’t need her. You don’t need any of them.”

You don’t recognize that voice. It’s deep and has a bit of a drawl. But you can practically feel the hatred in their voice as you start to drift back into unconsciousness.

“No, she’s different. Please. Please don’t hurt her,” you hear Jungkook begging. His voice wavers as he holds you tighter. “She’s my human.”

“Guys, that’s enough.” A different voice cuts in. This one, somehow, sounds familiar. Deeper than the previous speaker, but warm and smooth. Whoever this voice belongs to seems to recognize one of you too. “Is that— Who are you?”

When you wake up again, you can still hear the rain. It’s soothing this time. The heavy pellets hit the large window, obscuring the view with a watery, grey blur. Your eyes are drawn to the curtains, velvet in color and tied with a knotted rope. There’s a bench in front of the window, stacked with cushions, that looks cozy. You could easily imagine yourself curled up with a book, a blanket, and a bunch of pillows in that spot.

You don’t remember seeing a little nook like that at the motel before.

Actually, you don’t remember any of the motels having one at all.

Where are you?

Panic starts to seep in when you don’t recognize the room you’re in. It looks old. Stuck in a forgotten time with antique furniture and outdated flooring and wallpaper. As you move beneath the duvet, you realize that your clothes have been removed and you’re now wearing one of Kangdae’s shirts that you let Jungkook borrow.

Did he do this? Where is Jungkook anyway?

It looks like you’re alone in this room. But beyond the bedroom door, you’re not sure what’s waiting for you out there.

Across the room, you’re surprised to see your belongings on a chair. Whoever Jungkook was talking to, they must have brought you and your stuff here. You waste no time to get out of Kangdae’s clothes and dress into your own, your feet creaking loudly against the floorboards as you make your way to your duffel bag.

Other than your hybrid friend, nothing else seems to be missing. Everything you packed, including what money you have left, is still there.

You glance over at the door again. One thing is for sure. Jungkook is on the other side somewhere. You can’t just wait around here forever.

The floorboards continue to creak beneath your feet as you make your way to the door. Once you pull it open, the hinges squealing as you do, you nearly scream.

A tall man with dark, wavy hair and small, round ears is just at the other side. His face is strikingly handsome, and his gaze is penetrating as he rests his arm against the doorway and leans so close to you, you can see the tiny beauty marks beneath his eye, on the tip of his nose, his cheek, and his bottom lip.

“Little human. Aren’t you being too noisy?”

“I’m sorry!” you quickly reply, thoroughly mortified. It must have been the floorboards, or maybe even when you were rummaging through your duffel bag for clothes. You didn’t think you were being too loud, but…

“Taehyung, don’t scare our guest away,” another voice says from the hallway.

When you look at the newcomer’s voice, your eyes widen in shock. For a moment, you think you’re looking at an angel. His face looks soft and kind, with full lips and a defined jaw. Some of his dark bangs cover his sharp eyes. But where one of his arms is human, lean and toned with muscle, his other arm is a long, feathered black wing that makes him somehow look more ethereal.

“I’m not scaring her, Jimin,” the one named Taehyung whines, straightening up. It’s when he’s at his full length when you realize just how tall this man is. And how sharp his claws are. He peers down at you and confirms, “Right, little human?”

“Um. Yes?”

The one named Jimin moves so gracefully as he approaches you two. There’s a friendly smile on his angelic face. “Don’t mind him. He usually hibernates around this time, so he’s a little cranky. Bear hybrids tend to sleep more than the rest of us.”

Taehyung snorts and scratches his belly. Even if he doesn’t admit it, Jimin must be right. There’s a hint of tiredness in his stoic face.

“It’s all right,” Taehyung mumbles, now scratching his head.

“You must be hungry,” Jimin guesses, and at the very mention of food, your stomach growls in agreement. Heat colors your cheeks, but Jimin continues to smile and merely nods to where he came from. “Follow me, then. I’ll tell Seokjin and Yoongi to make something for you.”

Again, it looks like he’s floating with every step he takes. It’s obvious that he’s a bird hybrid, but his graceful movements remind you of a swan. A black swan.

Behind you, much to your surprise, Taehyung follows. Earlier, he seemed so adamant about going back to sleep. There’s still a grumpy, tired look on his face – brown eyes glazed over with drowsiness and his lips pouting slightly – yet, he still trails behind both you and Jimin.

The swan hybrid notices and smirks a little. “He’s curious about you.”

You can’t really imagine why. Or if that’s even a good thing.

Jimin leads you both to a foyer. There are more hybrids sitting around the fireplace. It’s warm, orange glow casts lights upon each of their animalistic features.

From the lounge chair is a man with pale skin and leopard-printed ears and a long tail. Along one side of his neck, shoulder, and arm are spots that look like tattoos. His gaze feels intimidating the moment he locks eyes with you, and his long tail swishes back and forth slowly.

On the other chair, another man turns to look at you as well. Like Taehyung, his face is strikingly handsome. Pointed ears and a long tail indicate that he’s a wolf, but bigger. You’re not sure if it’s the reflection of the fire, but his sharp eyes look golden and are practically glowing.

The last one, sitting comfortably with the predator hybrids, is an elaphocentuar – half-human, half-deer. The upper-part of his body is of a human man with strong antlers on his head, but the bottom-half is of a spotted deer. The reddish-brown of his fur matches the hair on his head.

A few days ago, you’ve rarely seen a hybrid in person. Now, you’re in a room full of them.

“You’re awake!” a familiar voice exclaims before a solid mass just pulls you into a tight hug. Relief washes over you when you recognize who it is.

“Jungkook! Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” you immediately ask, your voice a little muffled from his hold. You pull away enough to get a good look at him. There are some fresh bruises from the accident, but no broken bones or concerning wounds from what you can tell.

“I’m fine. I was more worried about you,” he admits as he begins to ramble. “I was a little disoriented, but I managed to get out of the car. I pulled you out of the driver’s seat too. The car is completely wrecked! I don’t know if you’ll be able to drive it anymore. But that deer we almost hit was a hybrid!”

You glance over at the deer hybrid. He moves a little closer to the leopard-hybrid, body entirely stiff since you stepped into the room, and staring at you like he’s still caught in the headlights. You feel awful and you don’t blame him at all for being scared of you.

“I’m so sorry. I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

The deer-hybrid merely blinks, as if he isn’t sure you’re talking to him. Then, meekly, he replies, “I’m not hurt.”

“Good. I’m glad you’re not,” you tell him sincerely.

“Me too,” Jungkook agrees, offering a small smile at the deer-hybrid as well. “They found us right after the accident. You were so cold and wet, I was worried you wouldn’t wake up. They said I had to get you out of your wet clothes or you’d get sick, but I promise I didn’t do anything weird! And then, I just waited for you to wake up on your own. You’ve been asleep for a while, and I’m glad you’re okay.”

“We recognized Jungkook as one of us, so we had to check on him,” the leopard-hybrid explains, his gaze not once leaving you. You vaguely recognize his voice as the one Jungkook was arguing with. “He insisted that we had to help you too.”

“She’s different from the other humans!” Jungkook defends. His arms are still around you rather protectively. “She’s so nice. She’s been helping me and taking care of me. I couldn’t just leave her behind.”

“We don’t normally allow humans anywhere near this place,” the handsome wolf adds on. It’s obvious why. Not only are they hybrids, but they’re exotic. Black swan, clouded leopard, dire wolf. Even the bear and deer hybrids are uncommon compared to the rabbits, dogs, cats, rodents, and bird hybrids. “But the young master of this manor made an exception for you.”

“The master?”

“That would be me.”

The final resident of this house of hybrids steps in. He’s tall and muscular with perfect body proportions. He has short, brown hair and tanned skin. But the fullness of his lips, the deep dimples in his cheeks, and the dark sunglasses over his eyes are things you instantly recognize.

You haven't seen him since that night all those years ago.

“Rap Monster?”

His lips stretch into a smile. “I haven’t been called that in a long time.”

Jungkook looks between you and the master of the house, eyes wide with awe and surprise. “That’s Rap Monster? Your favorite artist?”

Rap Monster arches an eyebrow. “Favorite artist?”

You feel your cheeks heat with embarrassment. “Yeah, you, uh. You rap good.”

The leopard snorts, and you feel the curious gazes of the hybrids around you. You’re ready to crawl back into the room you woke up in and hide forever until you hear Rap Monster’s laughter.

Unlike the other hybrids, Rap Monster doesn’t have any animal parts to his body. No round ears or fluffy tails, no antlers or hooves, no feathered wings or webbed feet.

He looks completely human.

Except for one thing.

“I’ve gotten a lot better at rapping over the years. I’ll have to show you sometime,” he says, taking off his sunglasses. The move is unexpected to the hybrids living with him as he reveals to you his serpent eyes. The irises are a beautiful blend of indigo, deeper and more purple on the outer edges and bluer and lighter in the inner parts – unlike anything humans could naturally have. Warm brown is around the dark pupils that are vertically slitted, and they’re even more beautiful than you remember.

You could never forget eyes like his. They’re mesmerizing.

“That would be really nice,” you tell him, forcing yourself to look away from them. “But I don’t want to be a bother. I really appreciate the help and I can’t thank you enough for bringing us in, but I’ll leave first thing in the morning.”

He arches an eyebrow at you again. It makes your stomach flip a little, and not in an entirely bad way. “How? The storm is still going and your car is damaged.”

Your heart sinks a little. “I don’t know. I’ll think of something.”

Truth be told, you have no idea what to do now. Your car was your only means of transportation, and it’s undrivable. It’s too dangerous for you to travel around in the forest by foot, especially if you don’t know how far you are from the main roads. And even then, you’re reported as a missing person. Kangdae and the others are trying to find you.

“Don’t be silly. Just stay with us,” Rap Monster kindly offers. “I wouldn’t have allowed you in if I thought you’d be a danger to my pack.”

You glance at the other hybrids in the room. They’re looking at you with uncertainty, and perhaps, a bit of annoyance. They’ve told you themselves that they’re weary of humans, and given the history between your species and theirs, you can’t exactly blame them for that. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“You won’t,” he assures you gently. In those two words alone, the doubt and hesitation start to leave your mind. “Stay as long as you like.”

It feels crazy and stupid, but at this point, trying to leave this shelter in the middle of a storm feels crazier and stupider.

“Okay,” you decide, peering up at his beautiful eyes again. “Until the storm passes.”

“Until the storm passes,” he agrees, as the clash of thunder and lightning seem even louder than before.

Thank you for reading ♡ Comments & reviews are greatly appreciated!

Previous | Masterlist | Next

[wttt-dirus-work]

So, i saw a post with NY headcanons and it reminded me that while i included my own disabled headcanons in my fics, i forgot to make my own headcanons post (?) and i've got more than i though lol

So here we go!

NY: Dude got a bad eye, someday it's normal, other days it get blurred. He also has a scar over it, and his shoulders can get funky when its humid outside.

NJ: some of y'all already knows it, but Jersey got Tourette's. Mostly shoulder jerking, neck twitching, blinking hard and grimacing. When it gets bad his back jerks, and his vocals tics get worse (mostly whistles and pop, tho if hes anxious/stressed he does repeat some words)

Delaware: he got arthritis in his hands, and can hardly move them.

Mass: He was injured during the revolution, and walking became harder for him (limping and his legs became stiffer), then another injury during the civil war made him unable to walk for some days, therefore he use a wheelchair most of the time. He is still able to walk, but it is either too painful, or he doesn't have the energy needed to be able to stand all day.

Connie: he got shaky hands, when he's tired, nervous or angry, he cant hold anything with those. Its his nerves, and it doesnt hurt but its annoying.

Vermont: he got diabetes! Type 1; and it's so fucking expensive that it's Québec his "dealer" (it cost around 98$US when here its around 12$CAN sooo). He also got a sweet tooth, and forget to watch his sugar level (Hampshire there's for it; buddy's wayy to protective to let anything happen to Vermont)

PA: he's dyslexic, and it's mostly Mass who helps him with paperwork when he's not badgering Connie.

Florida: That gremling got Adhd, big dyslexia and his first language is spanish (which doesnt help with the reading). He also got so many scars from disturbing wildlife (anyone has seen that "yoink" dude in the everglades? Yeah thats flo). He got chronic pain in his left knee, and his right wrist always cracks when he moves it.

Louie: french lover is a people pleaser, but the chillest person you'll ever meet. He never panics, and is sometime too calm; but hurt any of the southern state (or Cal) and you're done. He's the voodoo capital, so dont mess with him

Georgia: hes an insomniac, but is fucking sleepy during the day (the math aint mathing ya know). He can sleep anywhere except during the night. He's bud with york and nevada, you can find those three driking in silence during a poker game.

Virginia: (uses they/them) they have a limp on the left leg, who always in pain (low but chronic with some real bad days). They're also a sleepwalker (think Celinaspookyboo style) and Georgia (or one of the insomniac state) each switch to watch them at night.

Montana: deer in headlights when spoken to. Will not talk to anyone when he doesnt have something to say or isnt upset (that sketch with the clown thing? Yeah he talked to them cause he was angry). Dont talk to him, dont even aknowledge him and he'll be more than happy to not exist in your mind. (Hes jealous of alaskas ability to not being seen)

Cal: dudes his always in pain. The fire, the drought, to goldrushes, hes always hurting. He got big scars from the fires, and his skin is the dryest thing ever despite all the moisturizer he uses. When he's burning up his eyes gets cloudy grey; they itch and cry all the time, and he cant see shit. He also need an oxygen mask when its too bad, and his eyes are naturaly gold.

Washington: hes a bitch. Dude got poor circulation too, so his hands and feet are always cold. When it's raining for too long his hair is oily, and when it's a drought it's the driest (he uses dryshampoo and got a routine to fight it).

Oregon : hes gay. Thats a known thing, and he's the bridge between Cal and Wash. Hes nicer to cal than wash, but he's not kind. The west coast are nice in interraction, but they ain't your friends.

Nevada: ah, vada. He got scaring from the nuclear testing, can see in the dark like nobody, and is the only state who can chose to change their physical appearance. Has coloured hair (pink or purple mostly) and the greenest eyes you'll ever see (or purple, didnt made my mind yet). Hes careful with his diet and always exercice despite the painful joins.

Texas: that idiot got sleep apnea but refuses to get checked out for it (and get a CPAP). He also has asthma (geez that word is hard to write) and colorblindness (can't see red). He only wears his shirt cause he knows what the colours are and refused to be pranked about that.

If you wanna adds your own, your welcome to do so! ^^

[st-eve-barnes]

How are we all feeling the day after??

I wanted to make a post and maybe nobody cares but there's just a few things I want to get off my chest after yesterday.

First of all I LOVED the sense of community on here, how we all anticipated this new content as if it was Christmas coming early, how we freaked out over every new photo and clip together, feeling anxious and overly excited, this is what fangirling is all about for me. A HUGE thank you to everyone who shared videos, took the time to make gifs and edits. I'm not going to name blogs or tag people in this post but you all know who you are. This fandom is blessed with all of you❤️

Next up: Ewan❤️❤️ I had some concerns beforehand knowing he's so introverted but I feel so proud of how he handled this whole thing, so happy to see him happy and see how warm the fans accepted him and made him feel loved. Brazil, you did an amazing job! You could tell it really helped him feel comfortable as well, and while he was clearly very nervous I could see the joy and how proud he was whenever he gave a great answer. Prepared or not, that doesn't matter, it was wonderful to hear him talk so thoughtfully about Aemond. I also loved how open and sweet he seemed, hugging everyone, engaging with fans and even taking selfies afterwards. I had NOT expected that part and it makes me so hopeful for the future.

But...you know I was getting to the bad stuff, right?

I also got severe flashbacks from previous fandoms yesterday and I did not like it one bit.

The more content there is the more people have opinions. They don't like what he's wearing or how he/his hair looks, they analyze his every move in the panels, question his answers or worse question his entire personality and sexuality.

Even if some comments feel harmless it's all a lot of negative energy that gets put out there. And it opens doors we should not open.

Can we as a fandom please stay out of Ewan's love life/sexuality? It has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with us or why we all adore him so much. It changes nothing about who he is, it does not affect your own life at all. Literally not at all.

You don't like his outfit? Cool, that's fair, it was a bold choice, I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea. But is it really necessary to point that out and make several posts about it?

I know this is the internet generation's right to state their opinion on everything, and maybe this is my age showing, but sometimes there is truth in "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all."

I don't want this to be a call out post because it's not and I'm the last person to call people out, I've made comments in previous fandoms as well that I'm not proud of, I think we all have esp in the heat of the moment. And maybe I'm too sensitive because I've seen it happen in other fandoms, how quickly the negativity and gossip can take over and ruin a good thing.

I don't want this to happen to this fandom cause despite some petty drama it's been such a fun, amazing space for me over this past year and I'd like that to continue.

I guess this a general soft request to all of us to be a little kinder next time we get new content, maybe don't be so critical and just enjoy what we're getting?

(Because lord knows chances are he's going back into his cave for months now lol)

Anyway, I don't want to end on a negative, yesterday was amazing and I'm still shaking. I feel so proud to support Ewan, he's really something special, I feel that even more after yesterday. And despite the negative I'm also proud to be part of this fandom and this little community on here and I'd love to freak out with all of you a lot more often in the future ;)

[fushiglow]

Then I guess you're a better person than me, Gojo!!

Because I hate Gege Akutami and I'm *very* angry on your behalf 😃 I’m (sort of) kidding but damn... thoughts on 236 below the cut!!

I held off posting earlier because I felt like going scorched earth on everything jjk. I took some time to clear up some of the translations I wasn't sure about and let the reality sink in, and now I'm ready to talk about this chapter rationally lol.

Firstly, I wanna say that my issue with this chapter isn’t Gojo dying or even the way that he died. I always knew that Gojo dying was likely, but here?? Now???? I've spent all day turning it over in my mind and trying to make it work, but it just won't.

I think Gojo's 'delusion' (daydream? afterlife?) is really beautiful in isolation. Some of the dialogue is really touching and I think it'll benefit from the emotional impact delivered by the full translations. The problem is what follows.

After 235, people were nervous that Gojo hadn't actually won yet. I waited to see what some trusted translators thought of the editor's comment before deciding it was a conclusive win for Gojo, and what I read reassured me that the win would remain intact even if he died at some point over the course of December 24.

In the past couple of chapters, we were told that Sukuna was 'nervous' for the first time in 1000 years and he thought Hollow Purple at close range would be fatal. At the end of 235, Sukuna is looking pretty terrible while Gojo looks fresh as a daisy after fighting in inspiring, inventive ways throughout.

So to find out that, actually, he *hasn't* won and he's been killed by getting cut in half offscreen feels like shock value for the sake of shock value. There have been a few 'shock factor' moments during this fight and they've always bothered me a little, but I could excuse them for the sake of hype building in a weekly manga. However, I never anticipated anything on this level and I'm genuinely so disappointed.

I think this long-awaited fight ending this way cheapens Gojo's character *and* Sukuna's character (and Kashimo's character for that matter!), and ultimately makes the entire thing feel meaningless. 'Meaning' is the thread that has run through Gojo's entire arc, tying him back to Suguru as he sought to build a better world. I always felt certain that Gojo's life and death would have meaning, even if it ended tragically, but I just can't find the meaning in this. I think I understand what Gege was trying to do, but he really didn't sell it for me.

There’s nothing worse than when a story makes you feel stupid for getting invested, and that’s how I’m feeling right now. I find myself wondering, what was the point in bringing Gojo back at all??? Keep him in the box and very little changes in the story, unless it transpires that Gojo 'weakening' Sukuna for the students was his grand purpose after all which... really??

Even worse, I *always* said if it was between Gojo and the students, I wanted Gojo to die. Since 212, getting Megumi back has been my number one priority, but 236 has achieved what I previously thought impossible. I literally don't even want Megumi to come back anymore, because I just can't imagine how he could live with himself after 'killing' Tsumiki and Gojo. It seems kinder for him to die with Sukuna and I *never* thought I would say that.

I'm feeling like a real clown for the meta I posted after 235. I want to take it down because I was so certain that Gojo had won, but I won't because I don't believe my reading of Gojo's character was wrong. I just think my expectations were too high, even though I tried hard to temper them. Even so, telling Megumi about Toji being left to Shoko? Gojo losing and leaving his students to clean up the mess again?? Gojo not even *mentioning* his students in his dying daydream???

It all just feels wrong. Gojo has been turned into nothing more than a plot device at the absolute last second, and maybe it's on me for ever expecting that he would be anything more than that in a series where he isn't the main character, but why bother writing Hidden Inventory then? Why bother getting us invested in this man's story at all?

Right now, I'm feeling like I don't even want to watch tomorrow's episode, but I am interested to see whether Gege can pull this arc off in the long term. I've seen people talking about resurrection theories because of the enlightenment hints and, while I do see the vision, I think Gojo's acceptance of his death and letting go of his regrets can also be read as enlightenment as he escapes the mortal coil once and for all.

Gojo's dying bloody smile shows he's at least happy in his final moments, so my feeling is that Gojo is truly dead and gone. I really want to trust that Gege will make this work, but damn. This is a tragedy.

(Although, if Gojo actually is at peace in death, maybe that's the reason Gege will bring him back. He'll *never* let that man be happy, I swear.)

To end on a positive note, the SatoSugu crumbs were beautiful and teenage Gojo's facial expressions were wonderful. I'm crying again just thinking about the contrast of that last adorable smile with his blank expression on the next page.

I'm dropping all my canonverse WIPs and working exclusively on AU fics for the foreseeable future 😤 I'm gonna give Gojo all the happy endings he deserves!!!

(fuck. poor poor shoko.)

[shadowsandsunset]

I wish nothing but good things for Oliver Stark and Lou Ferrigno Jr.

They gave us such an authentic, gentle, tender experience. I've watched the clip of that kiss several dozen times now.

Oliver, especially, has been amazing in his interviews and social media posts, empathetic and honest and sweet. I don't know his sexuality and I don't speculate in real people's sexualities, but regardless he seems like a true ally. He seems to Get It.

As someone who came out later in life** it really touches my heart what they're doing.

9-1-1 has always seemed to try to do good by their queer characters and I really appreciate that.

Hen and Karen have always been a fantastic and very real feeling example of a wlw relationship.

This show is doing amazing. I wish nothing but good and happy things for the cast and crew who make this happen.

**Under the cut is my coming out/self acceptance story if you're interested.

Tw: repression, self harm, drug use, shitty relationships both familial and romantic.

I tried to come out as a teenager in the early 2000s after I kissed a girl for the first time. It did not go well.

My mother was a complicated woman and she loved me very much, but when I told her I was bi (I prefer pan now but at the time I didn't have that word) she told me it was a phase and that she was disappointed, that she would always love me but that it was wrong in the eyes of God and she couldn't accept it.

Disappointing my mother was worse than her being angry. It felt like my heart was carved out of my chest. I feel like if she had been angry or openly cruel I could have fought back, but her sadness destroyed me. I was 16 then and I continued to live at home until I was 24. I'm in my mid/late 30s now.

So I repressed that part of myself for well over a decade and spent a lot of time depressed and miserable. I self harmed and did A LOT of drugs. I'm clean now except for super occasional weed use. I have a lot of scars from self harm.

My mom died several years ago and it wasn't until after her death that I allowed myself to even think about it, any of it. I was in a relationship with a man for eight years that was loving but he was an alcoholic and I had to walk on eggshells around him because of his mental health struggles; he was emotionally abusive but in a way that was only apparent in hindsight. I thought that my relationship with him was as good as I was going to get. We broke up not long after my mom died.

The only family member I am out to is my older sister, who has been amazing and accepting and loves me completely. Without her support I would be lost.

I have now dated/hooked up with women, men, nb and trans people. I have explored my own gender identity (it's whatever, I don't feel like a woman despite having the female equipment and appearing female in body, I feel pretty masculine but not like a man either, and I don't have strong opinions on pronouns, but I feel like I fail at femininity and masculinity in equal measure so I call myself genderqueer. I don't have any desire to take hormones or have any surgeries, I just want to be a person without having to perform gender).

I live in a conservative small city in the US south and I feel disconnected from the wider queer community. I don't know how to bridge that gap. There is a small queer community here but you can't really be openly out and be safe.

I'll be going to my first pride event this June. I'm excited and terrified because I don't feel like I'm queer enough or The Right Kind of queer, which is such a stupid stress to have, but I don't have many friends to talk about this with and I am hoping to get out there and make some but I'm nervous. I'm socially awkward and kinda weird. I'm also single and trying to mingle, lol.

I like who I am now but it was an incredibly difficult road to get to this place. I'm still on that journey, and maybe I always will be but that's ok. I'm finally myself.

[selfpositiveundertale]

Update post

So a lot has happened.

I finally got my driver's license in February, yay! Much later than any of my peers got theirs, but better late than never. My husband was very patient with me and took me out to practice driving at every opportunity, including having me drive the car when we'd go grocery shopping and run other errands. I took the driving test on the day we started dating 15 years ago, so after I passed we celebrated by having a dinner date at one of our favorite restaurants.

My husband started a new job that pays better than his previous one, and his new employer is a decent human being, unlike his previous employer.

I'm trying very hard to get back into crocheting so I can reopen my Etsy shop. One of my best friends has commissioned me for some art and a very large crochet plush doll of their favorite anime character, so I was able to invest in more of the yarn I use for things like the Ralsei amogus dolls. I've got a few ideas for new-ish things to put in there but first I have to make them lol. I'm currently working on a commission project for someone who wants a crochet doll of their dinosaur sona. The pattern I'm working from is a little confusing but I find that the phrase "trust the process" is good advice in this situation.

My chronic pains have gotten worse, but I stay determined and keep going out of spite. I'm seeing one of my doctors today for an exam that I'm way overdue for and I'm frankly very nervous about the potential results. Either they'll find something and we'll have to figure out treatment from there or they won't find anything and we'll be back to square one trying to figure out what's going on with me.

I'm supposed to be starting cognitive behavioral therapy with my therapist soon, so I'm looking forward to that. She warned me it might be difficult and at times uncomfortable but I think I can handle it and I'll let her know if I can't.

I still keep having episodes of existential dread that sometimes escalates into panic attacks but my therapist is going to try to help me get that under control. One of my other workers had me create a "coping card" with a bunch of questions I need to ask myself but often forget to ask when I'm having an episode like that so I can look at it and figure out what I need to do to calm down. I might put those questions in another post for y'all.

I think that's about it for now but I might update if I think of anything else.

Stay determined.

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP! Do you think the backlash to Set Me Free Pt2 is going to negatively impact Jimin’s solo career at all? I knew antis were going to bark, but I’m honestly taken aback by how widespread the hate is, to the point it’s making it back to the people who worked with him. I’m also seeing streams and sales drop a bit more than I was expecting. Now looking at places like Reddit, the hype for his album has really dropped. That’s probably a terrible place to gauge reaction, but it does have me a bit worried. I know the negativity for like Dynamite was really bad, but that was a song catered to the GP with the entire weight of all of ARMY behind it, and Jimin definitely doesn’t have that, so I’m worried this negativity will actually impact him. (The song is a straight up masterpiece to me btw, my sincerest hope is that he gets some critical recognition for it, or recognition from opinions he cares about. I really want to see him keep experimenting with music like this and to know how much so many of us love it!)

***

Hi Anon,

This is the last ask I'll respond to on this topic, because though I don't share the same fear, I recognize many of you feel nervous right now for understandable reasons and I don't want to dismiss your concerns outright.

Story time.

D-2 by Agust D was released on May 22, 2020. Right away the mixtape was a hit in the fandom and most ARMYs (not all, it's a solo project after all) supported it. As soon as it was released, k-pop stans went to work and I honestly found it amusing how methodical they were: they started from the top of the tracklist to the bottom - they first claimed Moonlight was plagiarized, the accusation didn't stick; then they claimed Daechwita was plagiarized, that too didn't stick. Then they got to the third track What Do You Think, and they hit the jackpot. You see, the initial recording of WDYT included a sampled excerpt of Jim Jones' speech, and once that was discovered, it was like hate bomb went off lol. The hate, ridicule, and bad faith was so intense and so widespread, I recall many ARMYs had to deactivate their accounts. Before long, k-pop stans were claiming Yoongi had told an insider that he wanted to kill black people and queer Korean people...

Anyway the point is, the backlash on Yoongi was swift, brutal, and harsh, understandably. Jim Jones has been sampled several times in music, in fact Post Malone put out an album around that time that explicitly referenced Jonestown, and it's very likely Yoongi or the people in his team were inspired by Post Malone's album and sought to include a similar feel and connection in his mixtape. In fact Agust D's Set Me Free directly pulls sonically from the album. But as with all things k-pop, cultural references get lost in translation and the weight of that decision was significant in the aftermath. BigHit released a statement and apology, and the song was re-released without the sample.

Now we're in March 2023, do you think this event negatively affected Yoongi's solo projects and career? Perhaps it did, k-pop stans still fume that Yoongi never apologized nor accepted blame for it, but by the end of 2020 I saw no indication Yoongi had been worse off for it. Partly because of ARMYs' support, but mostly because k-pop stans had gotten their pound of flesh with a humbling and an apology, and had moved on to the next target for critical discourse (which funnily enough was Dynamite by BTS).

It sounds crude and cynical to say it like this, and it's possible I could be wrong, but I've observed this pattern too many times over too many years for me to think otherwise.

Hopefully I don't have to say this more than once, but please listen when I tell you that so long as a project comes from a BTS member, the default inclination of most k-pop stans is to hate it. Nearly all the hate you're seeing for Jimin's Set Me Free Pt 2 was nearly guaranteed to begin with, the autotune just made it easy as the excuse. I mean, there's a whole subset of k-pop fandoms who believe he can't sing despite years of proof to the contrary. Since 2018 (precisely after BTS was awarded the Cultural Order of Merit award), the best case scenario from k-pop stans towards music released by BTS, is for them to ignore it. If you're expecting any other reaction from k-pop stans besides avoidance or hate, you're hoping for too much. Personally, I don't think it's a big deal, but I do think you need to calibrate your expectations to the reality of the environment you're in. It's one reason ARMYs are so fervent in their support of BTS.

There are differences between Yoongi's case and Jimin's. Firstly, Yoongi was already a respected producer outside of traditional k-pop and had avenues besides idol music to further that work, while Jimin appears to want to operate as a k-pop idol firmly within this system which requires winning over and maintaining the support of k-pop stans. So in a nutshell, Jimin is more exposed to the fickleness of k-pop stans than Yoongi is, but at the same time, Jimin does appear to have a larger committed base of solo fans than Yoongi, so let's say most of that risk cancels out for now.

The solo era also complicates things because the biggest antis of the members, are akgaes of other members. In Chapter 2 the support for each member from the fandom is more fractured now, that's true. But I think going by Jimin's case at least, the core of the fandom is still firmly supportive of their projects.

If you're still concerned, what can you do?

Remember that a lot of what you see online doesn't translate into real life. As an example, when a portion of RUN BTS (the song) was leaked last year, k-pop fans were tearing it down, saying it sounded like crap and was autotuned to death. By the end of 2022, k-pop stans were saying RUN BTS should have been the title track for Proof, that it was one of the best songs released by BTS and the song showed up in multiple stans' Spotify Wrapped...

Remember that most of these people hate as a hobby and are content to simply kick up a stink before moving on to the next thing. And in k-pop that typically happens in a matter of weeks.

Remember that your own view ultimately matters most. How do you feel about Set Me Free Pt 2? What do you like and dislike about it? How do you feel about the ideas Jimin is communicating in his song? I've said before that hate is contagious. All it does is inspire more of the same. You can counteract that spread by focusing on the music and the artist. Celebrate Jimin and the bits about him and his music that you love. Joy is infectious too, and if you're feeling his sound, people will notice. And more importantly, you'll be happier and less worried.

Like with previous solo releases, ARMYs might hit or miss their goals. There's a lot about the charts that have changed since 2021, leaving a lot of it up to chance, unfortunately. I suggest you focus on doing your part. The fandom isn't trying to sabotage Jimin, and Jimin is not releasing music to get specific chart placements to begin with. ARMYs will support as best they can, panic-buy at the last minute (lol), and Jimin will still succeed regardless of the outcome. He has already made his mark. I'm not saying this to placate you, that's what I genuinely think.

If you'd like more gp support, then share his music with those around you. Jimin's a great artist and I'm convinced anyone who listens to him without prejudice will be intrigued at the very least. They might not like his sound or his voice, but he will leave an impression. Your enthusiasm will too. And many times that's more than enough.

*

With Like Crazy's release this Friday, if it's a conventional pop track, expect a rebound in reactions from k-pop stans. I expect many to say things like 'he should've released this first' or something to that effect. That too has a playbook but I've rambled enough already.

What I'm trying to say is, Jimin isn't new to hate. Unfortunately, I suspect he knows, more than anyone else, the backlash he was likely to receive putting out a song like that. And that makes the song all the more powerful and perfect in my mind. In my initial review of Set Me Free Pt 2 I said I wasn't going to talk about the lyrics and message, and I still won't. All I'll say is I think it's a good idea to take Jimin seriously. There's nothing to be gained fretting about k-pop stans, focus instead on Jimin. He's worked too hard and already done such a phenomenal job, for any of us to be distracted by something as inconsequential as k-pop stan chatter.

It's only March. We still have the rest of the year and further out to leave an impact with his music.

In my opinion.

[pandoraslxna]

is it weird that I write smut but I'm a virgin? it feels so weird, almost like i'm some sort of imposter tbh. all of the avatar writers are so well experienced and here I am. PLOP.

I'm always so nervous that I'll get something wrong with my writing and someone will be like "ACTUALLY 🤓☝️" because I just KNOW I would be so embarrassed and would never want to write again. Honestly I've never even dated anyone before so it just makes things worse.

it's kinda nerve racking because I enjoy writing it (have some posted) but still get nervous on my skills and don't want to look like a whole amateur. The things I say make me feel like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not

Tbh it even makes me double take on the "18+ mdni" warnings because I keep on forgetting that I'm an adult lol.

not saying that i'm in a rush to lose my virginity (because i'm not) but it does feel kinda wonky writing so much smut with almost no experience.

any tips/advice? on writing, life, anything lmao

Honey, the most important thing as a writer is having a active and vivid imagination. If you’ve got that, than you can write anything you want! ☺️

I’ve also never been to space or another planet before and never met actual aliens and yet here I am haha. Don’t break your pretty little head over these details, I’m sure with everything that we authors include in our smut fics, nobody is able to point out who has had sex before and who has not. It’s all just fiction anyways, there are no right or wrongs. I myself often include some very unrealistic things in my fics that don’t even work the way i describe them, even though I actually know better, but who cares? We’re all just here to enjoy our little fantasies, realistic or not 🤭

[carpisuns]

I just wanna say I have an old post of yours saved in my drafts, about being a beginner artist…. I look at it sometimes to give me perspective and reassurance. Thank you. It has inspired me to continue my hobby/passion even if I don’t get many notes rn. I improve and I see it! Thats all that matters. Thank you. I hope I can be that for someone someday.

oh wow 😭 this just warmed my heart—thank you for sharing with me. i don't know what post you're talking about specifically, but i'm so glad that something i said could give you a little extra boost sometimes<3

it's both cool and sort of embarrassing that this blog is a record of my entire art journey. i didn't start learning how to draw until i got into ML and joined tumblr again about 3.5 years ago, so it has my very earliest art as well as my most recent. the other day my sister and i went through my art tag and i was literally crying with laughter at some of those pieces alskjdf (particularly this one). they're sooo bad but they were my best work at the time! as much as i cringe to look at them now, it's nice to remember how far I've come. There are still so many things I struggle with and things i disappoint myself about, but that's normal because I am still growing. no one stops growing. the artists you look up to the most, whose work seems absolutely flawless to you, are still growing.

and YOU are growing too! whether you feel like you are or not. sometimes it takes looking back to realize it. i'm really glad you can see your improvement! honestly, that's a skill too! having a healthy mindset about your own development can take a lot of internal work so I'm really proud of you for that.

(i got very rambly so cut for the rest lol)

and honestly sometimes the improvement isn't even about what the art looks like—it can just be about how you feel about making it. I think one of my biggest improvements in the last year was getting comfortable with drawing and sharing things that are Bad and Ugly! for example:

the first one i drew 3 years ago, just a few months into learning how to draw. the second one i drew about a month ago. they both have obvious flaws and you could even argue that the old one is better drawn than the newer one. so it's like omg did i not improve at all after over 3 years?? did i actually get worse? lol. no! because a lot of the improvement is internal.

you'll notice that the first one was done in pencil and the second one is pen. it took me years to feel confident enough to sketch in pen because you can't erase! you have to commit to the lines! you can actually see tons of erase marks in the first one, but i didnt even use my white-erase tape at all on the second one. also, the first one is a screen redraw. i was just looking at the image and trying to replicate what i saw the best i can. the second one is new scenes/poses that came from my brain—not that they are very complicated/impressive lol, but there's a difference there. and what you can't see at all is just my attitude about drawing them! i can't particularly remember doing the first one but i guarantee i spent forever on it and was nervous about posting it. second one probably took me 7 mins and i knew it was ugly but i was zero percent embarrassed about that lol. that's progress baby!! cant even tell you how much of a difference it has made to me to let myself draw ugly things. i draw ugly things all the time. some of them get posted online. some of them get shared with one or two friends. some of them get shared with no one. and i've finally learned how to either embrace them as what they are or just shrug it off and go, "you know, this is not it! moving on." blank pages are so intimidating because you have a million opportunities to mess things up, but you also have a million opportunities to explore and learn and experiment and have fun and also to surprise yourself with what you're capable of.

i started out with nothing but a pencil and some powerful blorbo brainrot, and that was enough! that has been enough to power me through years of all the struggles and triumphs that artists go through. it was enough to help me push through every art block and keep drawing to the point that my instincts have improved and things that used to be almost impossible for me are just regular hard lol. i've actually illustrated for a print magazine a few times now, and a few weeks ago i finished my first animatic—which i always wanted to do but didn't have the skill or confidence for.

sorry this is so long, i'm just very passionate about this subject lol!! i just want every growing artist to know that if you keep trying and having fun, improvement is not only possible but inevitable. like, you don't even have to do formal studies if you don't want to. keep looking at art that you like and figuring out what is appealing to you. keep drawing what you feel like drawing. if you're no longer inspired by a piece or it's a little too tough for you right now, it's ok to drop it. you can come back later or never. you have infinite opportunities to make new and better art. and don't forget to give yourself credit for the progress you've already made. it's so hard not to compare yourself to others, and literally everyone—even the best and brightest—feels bad about their work sometimes. but try to compare yourself to your past self and pat yourself on the back for your improvement! it's okay to grow slowly, or in a way that's not so visible on the outside. just remember that you are growing, and you will only get better and better.

also, side note about notes/likes: i know it sucks to feel like your work is not getting attention when you poured a lot into it :( this might sound rich coming from me because i feel that people have been incredibly generous toward my work from the very beginning. but just know that popularity is not really about who "deserves" what, and it's not an accurate reflection of skill either. so if you feel unseen, that doesn't mean your stuff sucks. and you never know what your work might have meant to the people who saw it, even if there aren't that many. art doesn't have to be popular to be meaningful, and it doesn't have to be perfect either.

the world is a little richer and more beautiful because of the ways you are growing and the things you are sharing. so thank you, and please don't stop.

[oldworldmonekys]

1, 6, 21, and 23 please :) <2

@snowychicken

Hai Snowy!! Thanks for asking questions :D

Writing concisely is one of the things I'm most bad at in the world so advanced apologies for however these prolly long aahh answers turn out to be :) (Edit: I'm half way through question 1 and this post is probably already as long as it needed to be. It's also 4 am and I'm barely sentient. Forgive me for my sins.)

1. What song makes you feel better?

uuhhhh fake gay lame bald answer but I've never had one single go-to song for feeling better. No matter how much I like a song it can make me feel better or infinitely worse because of the random abstract feelings and places and moments in time they're tied to in my slime brain. Usually I'm just queuing up songs that fuel the mood I'm in, whatever it may be :3

However I semi-often find songs that I like in a certain way and then listen to them and only them for days on loop as some kinda' nervous system regulation so I think those songs are most fitting for this. There's been a lot though.

Recently that song has been Free The Frail by JPEGMAFIA. Really been enjoying singing along with the chorus and learning to have better vocal control and learn a less nasal-y, more smooth falsetto. Helena Deland's heart-shatteringly beautiful voice throughout the song is incredible too. Even just her humming, oml.

I want to give some other examples especially because I love talking about music more than anything but I have this bizarre fear that if I give examples of the stuff I listen to it'll misrepresent my music taste so I always feel like I gotta list something from every band and genre I've ever liked so maybe I just leave this answer here for now until I learn to be normal about it :')

6. Say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

oh no

uummmm, uhhhh, I'm tryin to think of stuff that isn't accessories like my nose ring because those are my favourite things about my physical appearance but I don't think those count ~

I went on too long about the music so I'm'a keep this short. (That's how that would have to be written, yeah? "I am gonna", idk seems right)

3 Physical things - I like my big stupid nose on occasion, it makes me feel powerful like um a big bird or easter island head. I like that my facial hair grows in red even though my hair doesn't anymore and it's redder in the sun and especially during summer. I like having cartoonishly thicc and strong looking legs even though they're really not that strong, I tell people it's my Ukrainian genes but in reality it's from the neurodivergent toe-walking I've been doing my whole life lol

I skip the non-physical ones cuz uhhhhh that's a lotta effort right now and uuhhh oh look at the time!

21. If you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

I thought this was supposed to be soft asks! Snowy skipped right on past questions like "what candle do you like" and "fairy lights or LED lights" and casually threw this one in there. Thank you for keeping me on my toes, o' mutual of mine.

If I could tell my past self one thing I'd probably have a crisis about it and spend months trying to determine the very best thing I could tell them to help them the most and then tell them something silly in the end anyway. If it were in the moment and I had to pick immediately though, I'd probably tell them to stay out of relationships until 18 and spend their time finding themself instead.

I'm doing a lot of catching up now making up for time unwisely spent on other people throughout the majority of my teens and I think I'd be better off now if I had done something wise like watch every Digimon series instead.

23. Favourite piece of clothing?

Last question, thank you for making it this far if you have <3

If accessories count, my stupid, circular, coloured pairs of sunglasses I wear under my already stupid, circular prescription glasses.

If accessories don't count, maybe my comfy black Junji Ito shorts I wear at home that have really rad, gruesome panels on the front. Or maybe the black jacket from my father's old job I've been wearing lately because it's thin and perfect for the weather and has a big collar so I can look professional and a little bit like a matrix character on a dress-down day.

---

Thanks for letting me ]practice the skill of pretending to know how to write like a person and thank you more importantly for reading it all, you're crazy for that. I don't even know what I wrote, if I tried to edit this or check anything over now I'd separate into all my component elements so instead I just go to bed in my hammock (bed). Goodnight Snowy friend and whoever else may encounter this!

[heartfucksmouth]

warmed up frozen blueberries and mashed them, mixed with oatmeal cereal and a little bit of almond milk. breakfast for Aidan!

mashed up black beans, mixed with rice cereal and a bit of formula. dinner for Aidan!

managed to buy 8 more jars of puree to hopefully stretch til WIC kicks in. thankfully he's started some solids so he loves all fruits, and cereal puffs and cheerios, and he can eat chicken and broccoli we cooked for dinner tonight.

the pit in my stomach when I saw we were low on his food and we both are right on money right now and all the bs with ebt... God nothing feels worse than being scared I won't be able to feed my child. me and myles both agreed we would skip meals if it meant having Aidan and Zazu eat. I'm hoping things will work themselves out soon though.

Hip surgery is on for June 13. 2-3 weeks on crutches with minimal weight bearing, then a post-op appointment and PT. I'm not that nervous about the surgery itself, I'm freaking out about having enough help with Aidan and everything else I'm used to being responsible for. it's always tough for me to grapple with feeling useless, I'm a very independent person.... but I straight up have no choice with this surgery! I want myles to feel supported and that it's not all on him (and my mom) so I posted on fb for people to volunteer their time if they can. myles parents say they will help... but they're not very dependable and even when they do help, myles mom often makes us feel like it's an inconvenience. it's just uncomfortable with the tenuous dynamic between us.

his parents are away tonight (and yesterday) and the difference is palpable - in a GOOD way. ww made dinner, played with Aidan, we folded laundry and did dishes, Aidan was asleep by 6ish... all after being in Boston this morning for my appointment. we aren't exhausted or overstimulated and i swear it's bc they aren't here pecking at everything we do. I didn't even get a nap today and I survived the evening and I'm in a good mood besides the main worries I just stated. like, I'm proud of us. it was a busy productive day and we made it through. it's wild how toxic the atmosphere gets with their presence. I just wanna get out of here so we can be our weird neurodivegent selves and get on with daily life.

I also have a tilt table test in August to finally confirm my POTS which will hopefully help my fucjed up blood pressure situation.

I'm really hoping I can rebuild my stamina and strength train once my hip is recovered. I know other surgeries are undoubtedly in my future, but I wanna get fucking strong so hopefully I can give my shitty connective tissue more of a break, and recoveries will be easier. and so I can lift my giant kid a little longer before he's gonna need to start carrying me lol. even going to pelvic floor PT makes me feel good about myself. I can feel my core getting stronger again and that helps e v e r y t h I n g. PT always makes me feel good though, bc i can see the progress and know I'm not hurting myself more.

OK bedtime, I've got more appointments tomorrow hashtag professional patient

[lazarguy]

HEY SO I FINALLY WANNA PRESENT AN OC INTO TUMBLR

I've had this set up for like.. atleast a month so far, the reference drawn [even if i'm not proud of how the legs turned out in retrospect but I mean hey, it could have been a worse attempt at drawing both Mewtwo legs and digitigrade legs, right?], the google doc on them made, an entire playlist on youtube for em [which I will actually make viewable to friends once I get a pfp that i'm proud enough of to make a channel with lol], EVERYTHING

But like.. idk what made me take so long to actually make this! Especially since I was so excited to present the oc into this thing, so why mull over it any further! Time to present this damn Mewtwo oc already! Just read down below to see the reference on them since I don't wanna bloat the post further

Say hello to Oblitus! Just an amnesiac fellow and such! [I really should have drawn alt outfits of their attire lol]

Also.. doc here, since I mentioned it up above lol, this is basically a doc I have on everything for Oblitus so far, lore, personality, hobbies they can get, so on and so forth, even stuff before they became a PMD oc!.. With some unexplained info since me and a friend do rps together with our ocs and all, but I did get their lore presented! If you have any questions, ask in an ask box, dm me, or just ask me on stuff in general, character or not! I'm even chill with people asking about the rp stuff :D

Read that all or read what you wanted to at your own pace? Glad to hear! Then I'll clear some stuff up down below here!

Their hands look how they do in the art [with the fingertips and such] and they got fluff on their tail only because of the merging with a human bodypart thing, it changed their body structure reallly slightly to have more humanoid looking hands than... whatever Mewtwo's got going on with their paws and such, and their tail fluff too! Which is sorta like human hair in all but the structure and stuff, which acts more like fluff.

Oh, and their eyes don't glow when they use psychic abilities yet, that's really only when they get emotionally overwhelmed/unstable, mentally distressed/unstable, or pushing themselves as much as they can due to a situation of distress and all... or if their amnesia wears off through remembering enough or experiencing enough familiar feelings on memories to remember stuff and such

They did/do have some.. well, troubles with using the full strength of their psychic abilities due to forgetting all of them from how severe the amnesia is, but they can get them back by just remembering how to use them, and getting back to being more used to em! [I swear I could explain more properly if asked specifics lol]

ANYWAYS, RAMBLING HOUR OVER! I hope anyone who gets through this absolute slog of a post thinks Oblitus is cool, and I would love to hear your thoughts on em! It's my first time actually presenting an oc into Tumblr, so i'm kinda nervous about it, but here's to hoping it all goes well!

[sharksa-shivers]

Trio derps and religion cuz ye

Kristy: She's agnostic as in.......She has 0 clue wtf happens whenever she dies...But uhhhh she's VERY VERY HOPEFUL that there's something afterwards and she's not gonna just poof out of existence entirely... Sharky: He's Neptunist, an undersea religion. There's various religions that are in the sea, some seafolk believe in landie religions anddddd some seafolk believe in nothing. Neptinists/Neptunism is a p big thing in series tho i will not say why lol, no spoilers for you!! What i can say is Neptunists have a few diff beliefs: -They were given life by Neptune along with their parents. Life is sacred and not to be taken for granted. -Neptunists also believe in several goddesses that help Neptune take care of the world/universe. Sharky himself is pretty to himself about his beliefs, kind of how Neptunists are in general, but it does come up sometimes lol so yeahhhhh. Max: He's that athiest...THAT KIND of atheist that's a jackass...Though Max will only be a jackass if somebody gives him a reason in that regard...Other then that, Max will be respectful of others...Tho he won't be quiet about his beliefs either lol... Max also thinks if there IS a God, that God hates him IN PARTICULAR... Fedora tipping intensifies ---------------------- BONUS: (p sure i've posted before butttttttt idc lol, it fits here...Also below bit is still p goddamn accurate so yeah lol) --- (Earlier moment during an earlier mission, idk the context, kinda just convo xd)

Kristy:(curious as they move through like an older area of some sort, idk, maybe it's like a gravelike area or some shit, asking, anxiety kinda in her voice)Hey, Sharky? Do you believe in ghosts? Cuz…I do…

Sharky:(nods, trying to be quite and respectful as they go through the area, walking carefully)I mean…I'm a Neptunist, so…Yeah? Kinda? I believe that Neptune made us all and he's made heaven, hell and purgatory…So in my thoughts, ghosts are people who just…Never find a way to any of those, they're just lost souls either by accident or by choice cuz your spirit would be your consciousness so yeah…

Kristy:(thinking, nervousy still)Dunno how that's supposed to really make me feel better about going through here…

Max:(chiming in, atheist mode activated, trying to comfort Kristy)Gonna be kind of an ass here maybe but uhhh, you can feel relived in knowing that none of that's true sooooooooooo-

Sharky:(annoyed with Max making things worse as well as shitting on his religion)Can you maybe not?

Max:(continues anyway)Nah, cuz i'm sorry, ghosts and spirits and all that shit just ain't real. We're born, we live, we die and that's it, blep. Eternal sleepy blackout whenever our lifeclocks hit 0.

Kristy:(anxiety spiking)Hahahahaha, this REALLY isn't helping me feel better, i feel like I'm just having a panic over there being no afterlife now and my existence just fucking stopping, fuck fuck, oh god…

Sharky:(irritated at Max)Max shut the hell up, you aren't helping. (looks at Kristy, kind, comforting)Look, the ghosts that would be here are probably pretty chill ok? I promise, there's nothing to worry about ok?

Kristy:(nervous)You sure? What if they are angry and pissed off and-

Sharky:(kindly)I doubt it ok? This seems like a pretty old spot so…If any are still around, i doubt they're gonna just attack random people for no reason…

[luveline]

i've been going through a really similar experience with my own writing, so i really empathise with the way you're feeling. it fucking sucks. especially because (for me, at least) people being supportive about it almost makes you feel worse (and then in turn feeling bad about people being nice makes you feel EVEN worse, like what a vicious fucking cycle). like, i know they're being so genuinely kind but it fundamentally clashes with whatever's going on in my brain so it's easy to disregard or see it as disingenuous or overly optimistic (like, i don't feel talented. i don't feel like a particularly noteworthy writer. so i'll just smile and say thank you and then go back to feeling like shit and obsessing over the negative comments)

ANYWAY what really spoke to me was the way you said even thinking about your blog, or a character that caused anon hate, or any of it inspires dread. i feel that way too. i went m.i.a. from tumblr for a solid few weeks because of it, and even then i couldn't stop thinking about it and feeling awful. like my heart would race when i thought about opening the app or reblogging something or ANYTHING

also, the feeling that you're betraying yourself (blegh corny) is so fucking real. like you're giving up on something you've put so much time and effort and thought into (and that people keep telling you means a lot to them, too) just because someone maybe said or did something not so nice to you. it feels like shit. like you're weak for getting upset over something (that, to be fair, most people would be upset over) because none of this is meant to be that serious

i don't know if this is helpful in the slightest (especially because it's kind of just me talking at you about something you already understand and experience) but i want you to know that you speaking about how you're feeling made me feel seen because it's so similar to how i'm feeling. it's like, the things that used to be fun on here aren't anymore because you have to exist in a intensely self aware space where you overanalyse everything you do/say and feel at least a little nervous every time you get a notification or some interaction, even if (proportionately) the odds are it's something very supportive

(no pressure to answer this, i just felt like letting you know that what you're going through isn't a personal failing... or if it is then we are personally failing together lol)

no really I'm gonna kiss you on the mouth cause god am I I sorry you're going through this but christ I am fucking relieved 😭😭 I'm so sorry for being relieved

I KNOW it's tacky, it will always be tacky, but every time someone says to me "You're a good writer" I have that moment (which changes in length depending) where Im just thinking no I'm not. I don't like to make other people feel bad or awkward and I know the right thing to do is say thank you, but when you don't believe what the other person is saying, the thank you doesn't feel as genuine as they deserve and then you hate yourself for hating yourself

The dread thing, I'm so glad to know you know how that feels, but so sorry too, but there's a big relief in knowing my brain hasn't individually pathologised a new strain of worrying. And the weight of self awareness. I think, besides fighting with yourself, there will always be people who want to misunderstand you. If you don't phrase something specifically and add disclaimers you worry later on that someone will emerge from the woodwork and neg about it because that's a thing people really do. And so, like you said, notifications stopped making me happy and started to make me worry instead. I turn my anonymous asks off after I make a personal post most of the time because I know from experience that someone will find error in what I've said and seek to correct me, and it's kind of the same for fic. I used to be really excited after posting a new chapter, now I turn off my phone 😭 Not saying this is the absolute 100% source of my dread, but it def doesn't help!

Thank you for letting me know angel. I don't know if anything that I've said in return has any merit, or even makes sense, or is useful to you, but I'm really grateful to know how you feel

[alien-girl-21]

this probably wont make sense esp. since im talking as someone whose only seen k5 and mostly through translations lol but it's like- k!Luzu hurts to watch because he's both doomed by fate and his own hands- mostly fate in k4 it seems but like that leads into him being set up to fail in k5 because he doesn't remember the full context of what happened to him in k4 so he ends up screwing over himself and his best friend- but also it's like- he could've stopped, he could've trusted Quackity to handle the mayoral position and respected him instead of acting behind his back, he could've supported his friend and tried protecting him without hurting him even if that felt riskier, he could've accepted that he fucked up and admitted to committing fraud, he could've resigned as mayor- when he's shown the video of all of his and Quackity's moments together it hurts but he still decides to keep going- but then again why would he back down when as far as his memories could tell him the pain he inflicted on Q seemed like a lesser evil then letting him become mayor even if it meant breaking their friendship and overtime his priority shifts from protecting Quackity from Karmaland to protecting Karmaland from Quackity and so he can't just give up now but-he doesn't realize or maybe just doesn't want to acknowledge that things at that it turned out this way because he betrayed him in the first place- that the fraud and everything that follows was all for nothing now. And the longer he keeps going the worse the war gets, but the worse it gets the more like Luzu feels like he's in the right for staying as mayor for the greater good even if it hurts- having strayed so far from why he even ended up here in the first place and like- BASICALLY It's like he was set up to fail from the start but he could've stopped but then again why would he at any point- his unhappiness in k5 is both his fault and not his fault like- omg I didn't mean to ramble this much I've just been thinking about k!Luzu a lot lately and it's driving me a little nuts this ended up longer then I wanted it to 😵‍💫 I wish I knew more Spanish to do a proper analysis on him (and the revolution arc in general) because his character is really awesome- I hope this was alright, I like talking about k!Luzu but the language barrier always makes me feel nervous to do so LOL (Also I just want to clarify I'm not like absolving k!Quackity of any blame here because uh he did a LOT of fucked up shit and I share a lot of general sentiments that I brought up here with Luzu with him- like they're both were screwed by shit out of their control but also like neither are totally blameless for their suffering- I have a LOT of thoughts about k!Q too, but I just felt like focusing on Luzu's side of the story rn because of the k4 posts lol and this ask is long enough 😵‍💫)

I accidentally wrote way too much, dorry

K!luzu is soo tragic once you start thinking about it ngl

Since karmaland 4 he did nothing but help people. Someone needed food? He was giving them as much food as he had. Vegetta wated to tame a cat but didn’t have meat? Don’t worry, luzu will let himself be stabbed so vegetta can have his cat, and so on and so forth, He has the biggest heart during the beginning of the series, not only for the heroes, but for karmaland as a whole. Hell, I mean, his house got blown up like 3 times in one day and he didn’t even bat an eye and forgave the people that put the mines there, even if he lost his pig, Manolo, for a while during the commotion.

He said that he wants to be positive and help everyone else in karmaland. He loves doing good things for his friends, he has an entire episode dedicated to cooking his friends’ favorite foods! And when rubius told him it was part of his electoral campaign he said that no, it was because he loved his friends.

I guess one of the most tragic things looking into k4 after knowing what happens after the elections and everything that goes on in kv are his interactions with the hermandad oscura and his first therapy session with auron. Since the hermandad oscura was formed, they have been trying to get luzu to their side, they have blown up his house, stole his pig, and made him steal so they could give him Manolo back. Thing is, luzu never acts exactly how they want him to. They blow up his house? Oh well, he’ll patch it up. They steal Manolo and ask for ransom that has to be stolen? He’ll just put a lot of signs saying he’s sorry in the most nervous way possible while taking one diamond out of fargan’s chest. It’s impossible to make him do evil in one way or another, and they are tired of it.

When they give him Manolo back, they say: “we have seen there is darkness inside you (…) someday, you’ll know more” which he does have, he has that darkness inside him, and it comes out after the election, and it goes full blast in kv. But they try once again, to get him to their side 2 episodes later, when they swap the fake Manolo for the real manolo:

Luzu: there’s no bad blood (between us) after this mishap. But I think we could make a deal because of this. Hermandad oscura: We’re going to do something we normally don’t do, Luzu. There is evil inside you. L: (snorts) okay? HO: We’re granting you a pact. You can do one evil thing. L: You mean I have to do something evil? HO: No, you can tell us we can do something evil, and we will do it. L: This is a lot of power; I have never thought of something like that. HO: The consequences will be yours. L: Okay, so you will be the instrument for whatever evil I want you to do? HO: Exactly. L: Can I say it now? Because I have an idea. HO: Yes. L: Well, I don’t know if you know, but there’s a new Karmaland member (…) There’s a new member in Karmaland, Auronplay, he just started, and I think it would be funny —I don’t want you to hurt him— I want you to do something to entertain him, to welcome him to Karmaland like the rest of us. I think it would be funny for you to block his house and make a treasure hunt to find something, with different tramps, so he has to fight for his life… what do you think? HO: It’s a good idea, but it’s your idea. Everything that happens now is your fault. L: Okay, but don’t kill him, if he dies make sure it’s his fault, not yours– mine.

So, the hermandad oscura does as Luzu tells them, and auron has to do his little quest for some items that the hermandad oscura put in a chest with a code lock in, and every single sign left blames luzu for what happened. But they end up making up after it, so it’s like nothing ever happened in the first place. No matter what they do until before the elections, it doesn’t work.

Then, during his first session with auron as his therapist, they have many moments that just punch you in the face.

Auron: I’ve heard you are a very kind-hearted person, that you are one of the few that enters conflicts and is always smiling (…) that’s what they say, that’s why I’m asking, why are you here?

Luzu: I don’t know if you’re heard, but there’s going to be elections in Karmaland for being the mayor (…) the elections are coming up, and I’ve been feeling this pressure that grows, that I didn’t realize before (…) you know I’ve been preparing my campaign and some friends have betrayed me during this (…) I think that (everyone should have) free choice, you know? Everyone has to be the person they want, but of course, I think: what did I do wrong? What did I do? Because, of course, I made my friend react that way, so I don’t know what I did wrong and I want support so I know how to take this campaign. And if I become mayor, it’s because of you helping me with the pressure…

So yeah, he wants to be mayor, but he feels the pressure, and it’s even more when mangel, who was meant to be the creative director of the campaign, decided to form his own political party. And then you look at luzu in kv, he’s constantly saying to quackity that he shouldn’t mess around in politics, that it’s not worth it. Which I think lines in with what auron says next:

“This is a tricky subject, my father always used to say: ‘never talk about football and politics on the dinner table’. I have to say politics creates many betrayals, many enemies, it’s tricky, and you knew what you were getting into”

What does luzu say to quackity whenever he brought up running for mayor? That it’ll destroy his life, that it’s not worth it. In kv luzu accidentally became auron, he did not only become the therapist of karmaland, but he was saying stuff that auron had once told him to quackity, the naïve kid with a dream (in luzu’s eyes).

Luzu was betrayed, someone decided to step up last second in the election and run along-side luzu, his friends voted for them; his friend left him behind for the other guy because he had power. Luzu was failed by everyone he knew and he fucking snapped. He had flashbacks to this in kv, and that’s why he repeated his own history, to save quackity from what he thought was going to be a fate worse than dying.

Luzu is just surrounded by a narrative that’s always against him. He tries to do good; he tries to be positive, he tries for people to like him, see him as a friend. But it always fails, people think he’s the hermandad oscura, no way a guy is so nice just because; he gets betrayed in the thing that meant the most to him because of the need of power. But he still does good, I mean, if it wasn’t for him the members of kv could have never gone back to k4. Even in kv, if he didn’t trust anyone, he still helped them out, he was still there in all the events being friends with everyone.

Mucho texto, so I will finish with: tl;dr: k!luzu is doomed by the narrative and the narrative lets you know like it’s a slap on the face and I think cc!luzu should be praised more for his storytelling skills <3

[taegularities]

Hello lovely Rid 💕💕

I just had a revelation and since you're talking about crushes I thought I'd share.

But first, I completely understand where you were coming from with your post about dating yesterday. Because meeting people is scary!! And the whole process of getting to know them, and wondering what they think of you and where you stand is so long and scary too. Not to mention the thoughts of just waiting for a bad thing to happen since we've all been disappointed by potential partners before. All of that is so natural and almost like a defense mechanism I feel like. I literally think about how I would like to be in a relationship and then I try to actually actively imagine myself in a relationship and it makes me cringe lmaooo. Like how does that make sense???

But if you do truly enjoy the presence of your work crush I think you should bask in it!! I mean, at least it's something to make work a little more bearable, right? But I mean, this is coming from a person who becomes incredibly embarrassed when they have a crush, so I understand your anxiety.

Now as for my revelation lmao. I saw this tiktok the other day saying that the bodily signs that we have when we're afraid, like heart beating fast and sweaty palms etc, are quite similar to the ones we have when we're attracted to someone and how our brain confuses the two sometimes and I just now thought... remember that really pretty guy from my class? Well, the first time we actually met and talked was while we were waiting to go into an exam lmaooo and I was for sure nervous and afraid. I just thought it was funny because when I first saw that tiktok I thought that that can't really happen that often and then I realised lol. I mean it's not exactly the same, since I had seen him and thought he was pretty many times before that but yeah. Most of our bigger hangouts have been during and right after exams 😭

Now that I've rambled on as usual, I just hope you know that what you're feeling is completely valid. Feelings and people are hard and I guess all we can do is just try to trust our gut and remember that we all deserve someone who's right for us and treats us right too, and that we have all the time to find them. If we even want to of course!

Love you Rid 💞💞💞

ivi 🥺 thank you for all this... i think being scared of a bad thing to happen is literally the exact issue i have. like, im terrified of someone showing their best side to me, just to hurt me later, and oh god i am sooo anxious about possible red flags. it makes me appreciate the way im living rn and im so content with it... but i realised that it's not necessarily bc life's so good rn, but because im so scared of it getting worse and it's so stupid!! like one day ill have to open up. i mean i didn't notice how afraid i was of feelings until now, it's sick.

yeah, you're so right though. im not even going to try anything with my coworker, im just glad i have a friend in him who genuinely cares. but also your revelation, i think i saw that somewhere too!! not a tiktok, but i did read once that fear and love evoke the same physical reactions, like it's so true bc i remember how sick i felt the first time i fell in love deeply lol. i guess there's some fear in liking someone. a lot can happen and a lot does not happen, and like, sirens go off in our brains and we are on high alert and think and rethink about what do or say.. so yeah, pretty accurate :') we have all the time for sure, so ill try not to panic and cry too much and just let things flow 🥺 thank you, ivi.. i really hope you've been well and i love you a lot 🤍