#i've worked on this campus for a long time i'm moving to a new position and you think that would make things easier but it's not XD

[shen-daozhang]

FINALLY found out that I got the life-changing librarian position that I applied for back in the middle of December (and that I did a teaching demo for in early May)

which is very good news except it was overshadowed by the fact that the day I got the offer call from HR was the day my grandmother died.

it's been .... A Week, I don't even know what to say about it lol

[humornaut]

My Journey with Omori

Hey everyone. Rather than my usual analysis-type posts, this is going to go into my own personal experience with Omori. I've kind of wanted to do this for awhile, because I feel like I have a lot that I want to say about this game. This post is going to have major Omori spoilers. I will also be going into some criticisms of the game (though not particularly heavily). This one will be a long one.

My Background

This might not be something that people care about, but I feel it is important to start with my life situation at the time I discovered the game.

In 2020, I graduated from college with a degree in game design. If you remember 2020, you can probably guess where I'm going with this. Everyone left for spring break, and the day before we were supposed to come back, they extended break by a week. Then, at the end of that additional week, classes had gone fully remote. My three roommates at the time never really came back to campus, and I finished out the lease alone. I never got to do any kind of internship, and I didn't get a graduation ceremony. I really didn't know what I was doing with my life, and finding a job in the games industry seemed impossible. So, I made a decision to move in with my aunt and work at an insurance agency. I was states away from anyone I ever knew, working in an industry wholly unrelated to what I had just dedicated years of my life to studying, but it was a job.

I wonder a lot if this was the right call. At the time, it seemed like an obvious decision, but now, I'm even more unsure of my skills when it comes to breaking into the games industry, and working 40+ hours a week can really sap your motivation when it comes to personal projects.

As the world opened back up, I started hearing from all my friends less and less, and life really started getting monotonous. Living alone is expensive, and I'm not good at opening up to new people.

Last November, by chance, a comic by twitter user Shrimperini appeared on my feed (it's still the pinned tweet on her account if you want to see!). One thing led to another, I saw some more positive reviews of the game, and I ended up picking the game up on Switch when I saw at on sale at a Best Buy.

Now, anyone that knows me could tell you, this isn't the type of game I usually play. I've always gravitated towards things like strategy games or rogue-likes. I only really stray from that in a few cases, whether it's to play a game with my friends, or just a game that I've had a long-standing connection with, like Pokémon. I did play Undertale and Deltarune (and loved them!), but overall, this type of game was not one that I typically went out of my way to play.

Also important: I've never interacted with any fandom in the way that I do with Omori. You can trawl through my Twitter, you won't find much of me talking about ships or obsessing over details until I started talking about Omori. All this is to say: Omori was a bit of a first for me on a few different levels. So, let's get into my actual journey with the game.

The First Playthrough: The Sunny Route

I unfortunately already knew a few details about the game going into things, but nothing that was too big of a spoiler. Something that I think gets overlooked is how great Omori's prologue is. In my opinion, the first night in Headspace is the best night in Headspace, bar none. It perfectly sets you up for what the game's going to be about, and I want to talk more about that later, because I feel that it really shines on later playthroughs.

Based on what I said about my background, you can probably guess what I'm going to say. Sunny's story and personality resonated heavily with me. At school, I was always the quiet one, just kind of following what my friends wanted to do until I started coming out of my shell a bit later on. Faraway is very similar to the town and suburb that I grew up in, and I know that many people feel the same way. Walking around Faraway felt like walking around my own home town today, years after almost everyone I knew back then has moved out and started their own lives. I mean this literally, as well, since I started playing this game right around American Thanksgiving, so I actually was back in my home town. It's nostalgic in a way, and I think that that is a major strength of the game.

I also do want to say, that while a Kel/Sunny comic is what introduced me to the game, I mostly assumed that it wasn't actually a canon ship. What I didn't expect was for the game to actually depict a close male relationship that does border on romantic in its presentation, which made those opening transition scenes of Sunny and Basil so interesting (as well as Basil indirectly calling Omori cute during the flower meaning segment), though I do want to talk a little bit more about that later.

From there, I feel that my experience was a lot like most people's first time with the game. I got to experience Faraway, then tried to rush through Night 2 of Headspace without paying much attention, so that I could get back to the real world plot. I didn't pay much attention during Sweetheart's Castle, and it's already-commented-on gameplay drag issues felt exacerbated by the fact that I just wanted to get on with it.

Real world day 2 happens, I got to meet Hero in the real world, Basil gets pushed into the lake, etc, etc. The shroud has started to lift on what's actually going on here. The North Lake segment got me ready to figure out what was actually going on, but first: Last Resort and Humphrey.

It was around this time that I began wondering if there actually was any kind of gay subtext actually going on. Of course, I had seen the Lost Library entry for the ride home from the beach, but as I descended into Sunny's subconscious, the way that the game started talking about Basil took on a much different tone. I got to the Branch Coral, and listened to it talk about how Sunny and Basil are connected by a "string of fate". This immediately set off some alarm bells in my head. A lot of debate has been had about this line, but for me personally, even if a string of fate isn't always romantic imagery, it certainly is most of the time. Seeing it written in the game (as something that Sunny's subconscious is saying, no less) completely had me reconsidering if there was a connection, which I hadn't really thought about since Basil's disappearance. I thought about the photo album, and how well Basil is treated in Headspace, and it just had me thinking.

I got through Humphrey, finished up the side quests that I still had, and it was time to start Black Space. Prior to that, however, Stranger lead me through Basil's garden once again, going over the flower meanings. I took note about how the meaning of sunflowers, as it was the first time I made the connection about Sunny's name and Basil's meaning for them (plus him literally always facing Sunny in several scenes lol). And then there was what Basil said about white tulips.

Being honest, it was difficult for me to interpret Basil as not being in love with Sunny after that, and Stranger's dialogue in some of the Black Space rooms really cemented that for me.

Black Space as a whole left me extremely intrigued as to what the plan was. The way it ended really left me in suspense for what was really going on. How did it all relate to what happened to Mari? I had already assumed at this point that she had taken her own life, due to some of the imagery. But what else was going on here? I didn't exactly think the game was going to veer back from being a horror title to turn into some kind of dating sim, but it was clear to me that Basil was involved with some other secret.

In a reversal of what I had expected of the game up until this point, I found it difficult to care about the real world plot of the game during day 3. It didn't help that it felt like a rushed resolution of the Aubrey plot, and I felt like I was simply going through the motions. I still have no idea how I'm supposed to interpret the key in the treehouse and how it got there, and it felt a little aggravating that plans were being made between Aubrey and Hero to include the hooligans next time, while Basil himself was still locked in his room.

So then, the truth sequence. It completely blew away my expectations for what the game was saying, and recontextualized so much of what came before it. Sunny had done something awful by accident, and Basil had done something awful to protect him. That last "Do you want to save Basil?" really hit me hard. I hadn't felt so part of the game until this moment. It was like I was Sunny, and I was mulling over whether or not I forgive Basil for the horrible situation his actions put us both in. The stakes are high, because it's clear that something bad will happen to Basil if I don't. I didn't actually know it at the time, but this is the first time you can actually choose not to save Basil. It's emotional.

And the fight. The way the game creates confusion as to what is actually going on between Sunny and Basil during it by using vague wording and hallucinations. Basil's desperation and the way his desire to protect Sunny as his "perfect" best friend come together, leading to the fight.

Memory Lane happens, and I honestly didn't think much of it at the time. It was cool to see some of the memories in better detail, but it wasn't as emotional to me as what came before or what will come after.

I would be remiss to not include that we learn that it was actually Sunny that had a crush on Aubrey, and not the other way around. I had already suspected this, based on Aubrey not being close to him in the photo album, along with the Lost Library memory, but I remember thinking it was an interesting choice to have Basil be the one to call it out.

I finished up the game, and it impacted me a whole lot. I wasn't planning on playing the other route at first, as I heard that it was just Headspace and mostly unchanged, and I felt satisfied with the story that I got. I walked away with the understanding that pre-canon, Basil had feelings for Sunny that he likely didn't understand, while Sunny had a crush on Aubrey that he was never bold enough to pursue. How they felt at the time the game actually took place is irrelevant to the story being told, outside of us understanding that these are relatable individuals, and I walked away alright with that.

Of course, after that initial wave of emotions from the ending subsided, I did have some criticisms. Sunny's actual friendship with Aubrey felt underdeveloped, as her behavior both in Headspace and the real world differ so heavily from how she behaves in the glimpses we see of the past. Unlike Sunny's relationships with the others, there's no real unique identifiers other than Sunny's crush. While I would not have wanted the only living female character in the main cast to have been treated as a love interest in both the real world and dream world, it would have been nice if the game gave us a little more than just the swing set conversations, like how we get Kel talking about their late night trips to Hobbeez. In addition, while I understood on a base level that whether or not Basil and Sunny are forgiven didn't really matter to the story being told, not seeing it happen left me feeling a tad empty.

Finally, I felt extremely dissatisfied with Headspace. On a superficial level, I could see that many of the things in Headspace were based on things from the real world, it didn't really feel like it had all that much significance, and the knowledge that it would be more of the same in the other route kept me from playing it. I occasionally visited the subreddit, read a few post-canon fics (Bask in the Sun by Lemari and They say Flowers are Meant to be Sunkissed by Witherdahlia being highlights with very similar concepts), and slowly immersed myself in the Twitter community.

Of course, as time went by, I started making my own interpretations about the game. I got very attached to Sunflower, as I felt the fics were the most interesting to read, and I already held the interpretation that Basil had those feelings for Sunny, even if I didn't think it even mattered if Sunny reciprocated (though I did like talking about their dynamic a lot). In February, Sunflower week happened, and I randomly happened across a tweet that pointed out how Sunny knows the recipe for a strawberry cake in Headspace, with that being relevant due to Basil's birthday being one in which a strawberry cake appears. This blew my mind a little bit, and I made the decision to go back and play the Hikikomori route.

The Second Playthrough: The Hikikomori Route

What I had previously assumed would be a slog through things that I had already done before turned out to be far more interesting. Without the desire to get back to the real world plot hanging over me, I found myself paying a lot more attention to the things that were happening in Headspace. Playing the prologue again was amazing, because I was taken aback by how it practically parallels the entirety of the Sunny route, right down to having to retrieve a stolen item and receiving an eyepatch after the boss fight. Some day, I might break that down further, because it's so interesting. But not today.

Pyrefly Forest and Sweetheart's Castle were much more bearable this time around, because I was paying attention to the little references to Basil and Sunny's friendship in Pyrefly, and the ways Sweetheart's Castle represented a candied-up version of the way that Sunny interprets the concept of "home". This time through Headspace, I saw the very subtle ways that Basil's thoughts "follow Sunny into his dreams". And then, rather than Mari leading you through North Lake, it's Kel. Stranger no longer tells us what Basil thought about white tulips and Sunny, but this time in Black Space, I noticed the implications that Sunny would open up to Basil about his trauma coming from the Lake Incident. It ends with Omori catching Basil in a bridal carry before returning his flower crown.

Whereas the Sunny route was this heart wrenching tale about forgiveness and guilt, and overcoming your fears for others, and how ignorance hurts those you care about the most, the Hikikomori route functioned almost as this deep dive into Sunny's subconscious. The fact that I was playing through pretty much the exact same stuff again but with a completely different perspective kind of blew my mind, and I wonder if this was intentional.

This is all to say that it was around this time that I was once again asking myself the question of if Sunny's feelings for Basil (at least pre-canon) were entirely platonic. Especially as I played the Basil Rush, with its new Tag Photos and Release Energy, I wondered if the game was actually trying to imply a romantic connection. And if it was, why? What purpose would it serve in the narrative for these feelings to exist? How does it relate to Sunny's crush on Aubrey, which surely must've existed in the story for a reason? And how does it all relate to the litany of things Sunny things about in regards to romance?

From a narrative perspective, I could reason that Sunny and Basil having feelings for each other that they could never healthily explore injects further tragedy into the day of the incident and Sunny locking himself away. It provides a context for Sunny's focus on "saving" Basil, both in Headspace and the real world. Basil is undeniably linked to photos and flowers, which are two huge symbols that appear throughout Sunny's mind.

Everything else is stuff I've already spoken about before. The way Sunny treated Aubrey parallels how he treated Basil, and via both things like his fear of spiders, and the way all the foods Sunny appears to know information on how to prepare being associated with Basil, his dynamic with Basil mirrors the way Sunny thinks of Hero and Mari's relationship during Memory Lane.

Playing through the Hikikomori route completely changed the way that I thought about Omori. It was no longer just the story of Sunny accepting his role in his sister's death, I was also now considering the possibility that the game did have a romantic subtext between its two deuteragonists, and thinking about the repercussions of such an idea.

As I completed everything that there was to do in the Hikikomori route, I was immediately taken in with the idea of replaying the Sunny route, with all the knowledge I now had from my previous experiences. First, let me say: Everything that I assumed about playing through Headspace a second time and was luckily wrong about, actually applied on my third run. I did not enjoy playing through Headspace on my third run through, and it will likely be awhile before I do so again.

However, I did start to get an appreciation for details that I missed in my first run in Faraway. Basil's little mannerisms during cutscenes, such as looking to Sunny before responding to Kel's insistence that they were all still friends, as well as the repetition of Sunny backing away from his friends' pain due to his subconscious guilt and fear of facing it, before the final payoff of Sunny choosing to walk back into the center of the room on his own accord during the confrontation with Basil. During Memory Lane, I took note that in the Treehouse Memory, Sunny asked to see one of Basil's pictures that had nothing to do with Aubrey, when previously he only asked to look at pictures of her. There are three different instances in which the player is reminded that Hero and Mari's relationship specifically is one in which they cook for each other specifically, and this information was now recontextualized with the knowledge that Sunny knows the recipe for a strawberry cake, owns a book about tofu (which he hates), and that's not even getting into all the stuff about smoothies in Headspace. Where Aubrey saying that Sunny "would listen to her talk to hours" was once a confirmation that Aubrey and Sunny did have any kind of dynamic at all, I now saw it as a recontextualization of how we were told Sunny interacted with Basil. (also, the "truth" being hidden in the toy chest, which is itself hidden in the closet was certainly a choice /j)

What was the point of all this?

Frankly, it's starting to feel like I'm running out of things to say about Omori. With every post I've made on here and Twitter, there's less things for me to extrapolate from Omori's storytelling, and it's unlikely that we will ever get any more added on to canon. I've grown to love this community, and I think it's so interesting when I look back at how I interpreted the game back in November when I first discovered it, and today. I hope that that will become evident with the mod that I am working on, Senesce.

Obviously, everyone has their own ideas when it comes to what Omori is trying to imply with its characters. Accepting Sunflower as "canon" (in the sense that those feelings do exist in some form) has deepened my love of the game and characters, and I love that other people can have entirely different interpretations and still be just as satisfied with the game! Even if it was all unintentional, I cannot deny that it has lit a fire under me when it comes to game writing.

I desperately want to create a game that has someone at home obsessing over the smallest details to extract meaning in the way I have for Omori. Flawed as it may be, it's special to me, and I'm glad I played it. Thanks for listening to me ramble about it!

[winke77e]

HI!

I'm back! Sorta! Mostly! lol

:: Summary :: -got housing assistance and got an apartment - got my kitties back! -my current job sucks and hurts my body, but I got a new one starting soon-ish :D -I don't have things set up to do art so idk when I'll be drawing again -Trying to work on my AO3 stories for now :: ::

Got housing assistance which helped me move out. Of course I got rid of EVERYTHING when I lost my last housing, so I have next to nothing in here. Moved out in June, apartment still mostly empty. Though, I saw some roaches so I really don't think I want to settle too much into this place. I want to move out at the end of this lease.

Since I'm a veteran, I have access to a lot of resources to help me. Special housing assistance for vets where I get my own case manager to help me put things together and manage my voucher. Another assistance program that gave me a budget for a thrift store shop that had a lot of furniture in it. So I got a desk, dining table, and china cabinet from that :D They also gave me a free bed, so I have a place to sleep. They ordered it from a nearby furniture store and bruh, it's so nice and comfy <3

I GOT MY KITTIES BACK! My meows! My babies! Had a hell of a time with the foster program they were in. One foster left and they told me I'd have to pick up my cats when I was still in the shelter and then my case manager and I had to work to get the program to just move my cats to another foster?? Like, bro! That's your job. Whatthefuck.

Food is still an issue though. Trying to set a budget up for my finances to eleviate my anxiety with that. Finished my Data Analytics Certification so I'm technically qualified for an entry-level position in that. Guys, I had SO much fun with that certification. I loved working with that data and sorting, cleaning, and reading it. yessssss.

Anyway

My current job is not great. The people are fantastic! I love my coworkers. It's just the job is a Starbucks Barista inside of a Kroger (nicknamed KroBucks). So it doesn't pay enough (which is a factor in getting housing assistance) and they don't have the goddamn anti-fatigue mats so my back, hips, legs, knees are starting to really hurt. Thankfully, my housing case worker told me of a job on the Veteran Affairs Campus which I applied for and got! Woo! It doesn't start for a while, since it's a govt job and we're waiting until the next budget cycle before I can start. Which people keep saying is around October.

Lastly, art stuffs. IDK where my drawing tablet is at the moment. It might be in a tote that I don't have here. It seems I've accidentally scattered out my totes so I'm trying to figure out where all my stuff is.

If anyone follows me on AO3, you may have noticed that *I've* noticed that I don't update in a regular manner. Which is something that *I* want to be able to do. So I'm going to work on writing out my stories in full before I start uploading them. Which IDK how long any of that will be. I'm most likely making the process harder on myself.

::

So there's the long update! I'll be stopping by on occasion just to see how everyone is doing and reblog stuff. In becoming homeless, I worked to reduce distractions and sources of stress, which included social media. So I don't really visit any websites often. Except youtube cuz I don't have cable or tv or dvds or anything at all.

Anyway! Love you guys!

[knightyoomyoui]

Chaeyoung x F Reader - "Something Just Like This"

FINALLY, THE LAST ONE-SHOT TO END THE SET 5 LINE-UP. I know this is the last, but sorry if this may suck, because I wrote it in just one go and it lacks editing. I'm still struggling with my lack of interest in writing these days and it's more difficult to cope if you're also battling with your poor mental and emotional health condition (yes, i'm currently having anxiety and panic attacks again because of being depressed from my personal matters) while stuck in a tight schedule full of stressful tasks both in campus and home. This one also lacks deeper research, but I still did some for basic infos that might help me with executing this concept that I input in this story. I needed it because it's the first time I'm doing this type of relationship-origin in romance. Despite of the cons and flaws, I still poured all the best that I have to write this story. Again, I'm sorry if I'm not updating often now like I've been doing since last year. Things has been pretty rough for me so far.  Anyway, enjoy reading and kindly donate to my Ko-Fi account here if you liked it! I'll appreciate any amount of support from you guys. Thanks and see yall again on the Set 6 line-up!

ko-fi.com/knightyoomyoui

To serve and to protect is the golden rule of a cop's duty.

For Son Chaeyoung, who has been working as a correctional officer or a warder for short, that apply much to her position.

She had to endure regulating and guarding the various behaviors of the prisoners that come and go around the place where they are locked up for the bad deeds they've done.

It was getting boring, in honestly speaking, with just standing and walking around most of the time every day to watch over prisoners who mostly couldn't care less about her.

Thankfully, she's not the only one who suffers in this particular line of work. There are colleagues of hers who can sympathize with her and could help each other to lessen the gloomy mood and at least search for a way to cheer themselves up during their duty.

Chaeyoung could tell that she has a lot of fellow officers here with whom she has gotten closer. She wants to be humble, but she knows that the reason she can attract others is because of her nice personality and... Well, yeah, her beauty that others seem to see is what separates her from them.

Chaeyoung doesn't have any interests in love life as of the moment, but she could admit that she's looking for someone who would like her not just for her qualities but to acknowledge that she's worth a meaning in her life.

She was walking with other police officers outside of the prison block to greet the new convicted people that were brought here by bus.

They watched them hop out one by one before the assigned member who will be in charge of organizing them instructed them to fall in line first.

"Alright, listen up. All of you were transferred here in Seoul Metropolitan Prison Camp, and this is where you will be placed in jail permanently, meaning that you will stay here depending on how long your granted sentences are." The leader of the correctional officers team, Boo Seungkwan, introduced

"As you all see, these cops will be in charge of monitoring your cells, so don't do anything stupid that might increase the length of your time here if you all want to leave and start another life, unless you still have one." Seungkwan points at the officers who are grouped on the other side.

"Now follow them, and they will be directing you all into your respective blocks. Move."

All of them start to walk side by side with the officers as they start their responsibility of keeping their eyes on these prisoners.

"I hope many of these newbies won't add up to those who are pain in the ass, Chaeyoung heard her colleague named Lee Youngji blurt before releasing a sigh. She didn't respond in words; just a stiffled laugh was enough for the latter to notice.

They were slowly presented to their new cell block, and we gave them their prison attire to change into.

At the West Hall, where Chaeyoung and Youngji are assigned, they split the six remaining inmates into three each.

With the last one, Chaeyoung looked at this person. She was a female, and it was a bit strange why she was giving out a smirk at the good cop.

"Inmate number 2129, name YN/LN, guilty for arson, hmm." Chaeyoung reads her information from the document papers she's holding. "Follow me."

"Your voice is mellow" the inmate said out of the blue. Chaeyoung slowed her footsteps.

"Pardon?"

"Yeah, I'm right." YN seethed. "You sound way less authorative. than those fellow peeps like you."

"Do I need to be harsh on you?" Chaeyoung tilted her head and raised her eyebrow.

"Oh, nope. Sorry." She shook her head.

"Good. Then stay quiet if you don't want me to show you how cruel I can be." Chaeyoung warned. "My day's getting real fine so far, and I don't want someone like you to ruin it."

"Yes, boss." YN taunted as she raised her handcuffed hands slightly.

They were inches away from their destination. Chaeyoung was about to head forward and release her keys when YN spoke again behind her, disregarding her threat just few minutes ago.

"One last thing, uhm... can I ask something?"

"About?"

"What inspired you to be a cop?"

"To capture criminals like you. Is that even hard to tell?"

"Wow, I'm offended." YN touched her chest, pretending to be hurt.

"Ofcourse, you do." Chaeyoung went in front of the cell door and inserted her key there to open.

"That's what you think." YN shrugged. "But honestly, I just asked because... you look just way too beautiful to be a cop, though. There's more out there who could-"

"Look, Ms. LN. I've heard many people try that same old lame move they've been doing on me and they all just failed. I don't give a damn if I choose this job, because this is my dream and I won't just give in to others who dictate what my life should be." Chaeyoung faced YN and applied a slight ferocity to her tone.

The latter wasn't terrified but rather impressed that this cute officer could indeed show a different side that gives her at least a fitting characteristic of being a cop.

"I didn't mean it to be that, I swear. I'm just saying the truth...." YN defended, trying to calm down Chaeyoung, yet it didn't work out so well still.

"Did you even hear what I told you that you should shut your mouth?" Chaeyoung crossed her arm. "Your first day here hasn't even starting yet and you're being arrogant already."

YN gaped her mouth, about to speak but choses not to in the end.

"Good. Prove me different, would you?" Chaeyoung rolled her eyes before opening the cell.

"This will be your section for now on. If you need anything or whatever you do there inside, I have to remind you that I will be the one in charge of you among others here with you in the hall. Now, go and change up." Chaeyoung instructed before she closed the door, leaving YN inside still standing in the middle of an average space room holding her attire.

"She'll believe me someday." YN popped her mouth before she heads to her bed and lay there to rest after a long ride.

Meanwhile, Chaeyoung who returns in her spot, placed down the papers on her desk and sat on her chair.

She glanced up at YN's room and shook her head as she sighed, with the inmates's compliments repeating in her head.

--------------------------------------

The next day, Chaeyoung escorted YN to the visitation booth when she received a visit request from a person who might be close to YN in her personal life.

She informed YN and walked her through the room. Opening the door, she urged YN to enter and leave her with her visitor for some alone time to discuss whatever they might have privately.

For YN, she stood in the room and recognized the guy sitting on the opposite side behind the plexiglass.

She sat on the chair and grabbed the telephone, pressing it on the speaker just like he did to hear each other's words when they spoke.

"I never thought that it would come to this moment where I would be seeing you in those inmate clothes, sister" her brother Insoo, said. "I know how terrible of a sister you are, but going through the point where you could actually commit a crime? Not surprising, but interesting for you."

"That's bullshit, Insoo-ah" YN said. "You really believe their accusations against me? You know that I don't play with fire; the hell I would dare to cause such destruction of a property by burning it down!"

"People can change, YN, and so can you" Insoo replied. YN scoffed, looking unbelievably at her older brother. "I don't know what has gotten into your mind, but have you really ever thought of what this would bring to our family? Now that you did it, you scratched and tainted the reputation of our name; even our family, who worked out to make us relevant, was affected by it!"

YN didn't say anything, she lets her brother to continue as she kept on listening to her manipulated remarks. "They're so disappointed of you, sister... and even me. This is a serious mess you've caused for us, and do you really think that you'll make us clean it for you?"

"W-where are you going with this, Insoo?"

"I came here today to tell you that our parents decided not to take any legal actions in attempt to grant your request of proving yourself not guilty in your case."

YN's eyes widened, petrified at the information given by her disrespectful brother.

"N-no..."

"You've caused them enough burden and headaches through these years, YN and it's normal for them to be tired of dealing with you."

"Don't tell me you have become one of them, Insoo-ah..."

"I already did."

YN's heart cracked. The trust and support she was expecting to receive from them despite all the mistreatment she's been getting from her rich family since her childhood has vanished completely.

At this moment, she truly felt that she had no family to live with anymore. She doesn't know, though, if it's like they're the ones who don't exist or if it's her now who is being appointed to be responsible for any of this.

"I never liked you, YN. I never even wished to have a sister like you, Insoo said. YN's eyes became watery at the painful words she'd been getting from the sibling she cherished the most, even though she wasn't being reciprocated after every effort she had to make.

"And now, I sincerely do think that our parents made a good decision by keeping you here. Because, after what you've done, you have proven yourself that you don't deserve to be my sibling and to belong in our family, let alone to have a criminal like you."

YN wants to respond, but it's as if the words filled with rage, disbelief, and torment were stuck in her throat. Only her desperate pleas were able to be released from her mouth.

"No, p-please. Insoo, don't. W-why are you doing this to me?!" YN leans forward and clasps her hands; her position clearly defines what a begging person would look like.

Teardrops began to run down her face, brought on by the simultaneous collapse of everything she'd built for herself because the one thing she was once treating as her source of inspiration and strength now turned out to be her weakness and the cause of her destruction.

"You simply deserve it; no further explanations are needed. Actions speak louder than words, and that is where you are mistaken, YN, Insoo commented. YN noticed that he didn't call her "sister" for the first time, signifying that his intentions of getting rid of her from his connection for good were serious.

"Take this as the last time you will ever see me, YN. This is enough for me to see you pay for the sin you've committed."

"Insoo... Insoo-ah!!! Come back! P-please... save me... get me out of here, I'm your sister for fucks sake!!!" YN stood from her seat and shouted at Insoo, who took his way out of the room. She slammed her hands on the table and placed her head down on it as she cried terribly.

Chaeyoung opened the door when she heard a knocking signal. A messed-up look from YN is what greeted her, and that piqued the curiosity of the cop.

As they arrived back at the cell, after Chaeyoung unlocked the door, she wanted to at least ask the inmate what happened to her.

It's not that she's concerned about her; she just wants to know why, since this is the first time she's seen YN with this broken demeanor after weeks of her stay in prison.

However, she failed to do so when YN immediately went to her room and crashed her body against the bed. Chaeyoung was about to say something but decided to just give her some space since she might need it a lot.

And she was right; after she closed the door and locked it, she was about to walk away when she heard some heavy sobs from the inside, focusing her attention more on the prisoner's poor condition.

The next day, Chaeyoung saw YN sitting on one of the benches alone in the yard, surrounded by a crowd of other prisoners just doing their own business, whether chatting with their cellmates, playing sports, or just enjoying the fresh breeze of air like YN is doing, even though the word "enjoy" doesn't seem to apply to what Chaeyoung is witnessing.

YN was just staring at the grassy land, spacing out from the unknown. Chaeyoung predicted that what she encountered yesterday during the vaation must left some heavy thoughts to cloud her mind deeply.

It kinda haunts and makes the officer uncomfy, again she doesn't know but who cares? That's her prisoner and it's her duty to ensure that they are in proper condition.

"You look lonely."

YN raised her head up to see Officer Son standing beside her, clutching on her pockets. That didn't lasted long as she just returned it back on her leg.

"Could I provide some way to fix that?"

"Why would you bother anyway?" YN asks. "I thought you wouldn't care about me, just like anything I've ever known and encountered in my life."

"You're under my supervision, YN/LN, so it's my responsibility to assist you."

"How so?" YN blurted. "If I tell what I want, and that it to bring the people I've lost in my life to come back, would you do that for me?"

"What is going on, YN? Why did you have to mention them?" Chaeyoung stepped closer at YN who is now trying to shift herself to the side, flinching at the presence of the cop.

"This has something to do with yesterday, doesn't it?"

YN didn't reply for a second there as she remained staring down at the grass. Chaeyoung thought that she still couldn't make it so in respect, she grabbed a bottle of water and gave it to YN.

"Take it."

"For what?"

"Give yourself a break for now", Chaeyoung said before YN finally took a sip and capped the bottle. "I know what happened might be too personal for you, but if you're having any struggles, I'm just right here for you to lean on and open up whatever you've been carrying deep inside of you."

YN sighed and tightened her lips, keeping her eyes focused on the other prisoners around her. She sensed Chaeyoung about to turn her back and walk away when she finally spoke, preventing the latter from leaving too soon.

"My brother just visited me yesterday. He told me that they weren't going to do any solutions for my sentence."

Chaeyoung turned around and looked at her, wiping off tears in her eyes with the back of her hand. "I feel betrayed, disheartened, whatever you want to call it. I never would've expected them that they would just drop the ball and never pick it up again. I was rather telling myself that maybe someday, everything's going to be alright and they'll get to show me that they do indeed care for me despite how they've never been expressive for me all these years."

"But now, I just learned that I've been making myself like a fool for believing something that will only remain in my imagination. They really don't care about me, and never will be. Seeing how they're just completely fine for them that I get to spend 2 years of my lifetime here in prison for something I didn't do." "You didn't do it?" Chaeyoung furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait... YN-"

"I don't know if you have forgotten that not all people who get convicted in the world were guilty and masterminds of the crimes that were committed. There were others too who got victimized and blamed in order to save their selfish selves, picking any innocent person that is unaware of what's going to happen for them."

"I didn't, YN. I know and I have encountered other colleagues of mine who shared their own stories about them experiencing one."

"Then I guess you have your own story to tell this time."

Chaeyoung looked intently at YN.

"YN, you're not who I think you are... don't you?"

YN smiled and shut her eyes. "I'm actually disappointed that although you've known the fact, you couldn't resist assuming others that they're criminals just because they're wearing these sinner's clothes, just like what you did to me these past few weeks." She glanced at Chaeyoung after, her lips formed straight in seriousness.

"L-look, YN... I'm sorry, but the evidence that was presented against you in the court that led you here just proves that you were behind the arson. That won't grant you what we call "guilty until proven innocent". That's why you're locked up here at the moment, and that's why I don't see any mistake for us to call you a criminal because that's what the judgment provided us to know about you."

"So it looks like I do deserve it; I'm sorry if I blamed you, off-."

"No, don't mind it. I have a fault here too. I should've been mindful." Chaeyoung shook her head. "But please, tell me. If you're really not the one who did the crime, then who do you think it is?"

"I have no idea." YN shrugged, her voice raising a little. "All I know is that detectives and other police went to my house and sent me an arrest warrant saying that the evidence they caught in the scene all leads to me. And I was wondering how I would cause a fire if I didn't even know what place that was, and not to mention, those things they saw were stored in my garage."

Chaeyoung nodded as she took in YN's summary of her mind. "So you're saying that if that wasn't you, then somebody did that fire on the hardware store and they used your things, am I correct?"

"Y-yeah."

"Then in that case, the real culprit is still roaming around out there, enjoying the life of being unruled within the justice system, Chaeyoung said. "Do you plan to reopen the case?"

"I... I don't know." YN sighed, gripping at the wood of the bench tightly. "I've lost hope anymore, Officer Son. My family turned their back on me, and for sure everybody who knows me will surely do the same. You don't know how influential they can be."

"Officer, it's too late for me. I feel like this is my fate. Where I belong to. I know that I was never technically a part of their family, sharing their blood, but... it troubles me that if they didn't care about me, why they'd still take the decision to adopt me when I was a lost child."

Chaeyoung was astounded at YN's reveal of her backstory, shedding more light to make herself more understandable.

"You know what, I should stop this. Whatever happens, it will all be left for me to deal with it. This is my karma for being ungrateful."

After their conversation, YN stood up from her seat and walked away with her head lowered. Chaeyoung watches her disappear, with an obvious sight of concern and pity present in her face, after discovering the facts that YN has never given a chance to be explained and defend herself.

----------------------

Each day that passes, YN and Chaeyoung's closeness grows, which begins to capture others attention, mostly from the prisoners, where they earn teases from them.

However, they both also receive some discrimination, mostly from the cop's low perspective towards YN being a criminal and for Chaeyoung seemingly losing her focus on the real deal of her duty by being affectionate towards prisoners.

There's one time where Chaeyoung is patrolling around the blocks when her fellow cop approaches and joins her on the stroll, only with the intention of attempting to hit up the young lady.

She feels immensely harassed by him with all the force insists and weird flirty acts. Chaeyoung tries to decline and separate herself from her co-worker, but she just can't let go and arrogantly proceeds to irritate her.

Chaeyoung is doing her best to hold on to her stability and not cross the line and risk her job for a scumbag like him until YN suddenly shows up and confronts the cop.

"Couldn't you hear what she's saying? How many more times would it take for you to leave her alone?"

"Shut up, prisoner. This ain't none of your business here. Cops talk." The male cop smirks smugly at her as he presses his biceps closer to Chaeyoung, who begins to shiver in a mixture of frustration and disgust.

YN noticed Chaeyoung's discomfort, which motivated her to help this poor woman more. "Oh really? From the looks of Officer Son, though, she looks like she doesn't want to see you disturbing her. Are you even aware, or are you just pretending to be blind?"

"Last warning, get out or I'll throw you back to the cell where you belong."

YN sighed and looked at Chaeyoung, who just shook her head and silently signaled her to not go with it, but she just glared back at her and stared at the perverted cop dead in the eyes.

"I've been giving all my respect to all of the officials doing their duty to manage this place, but of course, just like everybody, I have an exception, and I do it especially for people like you who couldn't understand what consent is."

YN stepped closer and stood toe to toe with the male cop, keeping Chaeyoung close to her with his hand on her wrist.

"Get your goddamn hands away from her." She gritted her teeth as she hissed.

The male cop's lips twitched and rolled his tongue before he gave Chaeyoung a headbutt, making the girl dizzy as she landed on the floor.

"Come here, you piece of shit." The male cop tugged YN's hair and dragged her closer to him.

"DO. YOU. KNOW. WHO. YOU. ARE. CURSING. AT, YOU. BITCH!" The male cop is slapping YN harshly both in her left and right cheek with every words he pronounce.

Chaeyoung shouted for help, drawing all the prisoners and cops attention to the fight that was happening.

They split them apart from each other. The male cop abusing YN furiously sweeps away all of his colleague's hands from touching him in an attempt to calm him down before he walks away and glares dangerously at YN's attack state.

The cops who helped YN escorted her to the medical room to get her wounds and bruises treated.

The nurse was about to apply aid to YN, but Chaeyoung interrupts as she enters the room, saying something to the nurse before she leaves, leaving the two alone.

"You're supposed to guard there; w-why are you here?"

"I can't be calmed knowing I had somebody used herself in defense for me to be protected." Chaeyoung said. She pulled the metal cart with tray filled with medicines in her.

"Let me treat you by myself. Take this as my repay atleast for what you've done for me." Chaeyoung said as she reached for the cotton and betadine liquid to pour into.

"You don't have to do that." YN groaned as she felt the aching part had pressure applied to it. "I can't just stand there and watch you working with passion just to get disrepected and sexualized."

Chaeyoung smiled at YN's remark. "Thank you for that, seriously."

"You should do something about that guy. You can't just let him get away with it."

Chaeyoung went silent, trouble plastered in her look.

"Why? What's with the tense?"

"I don't have much evidence to prove. He might spun around the story and make himself a victim."

"The CCTV's?"

"The CCTV's range of view doesn't reach in that area, YN." Chaeyoung answered.

"Well I guess I have to do it myself." YN said before she winces in pain. "Ow ow aish..."

"Stay still, I know it hurts but you won't heal if you allow me." Chaeyoung then wheezes after.

"Why? What's so funny, huh?"

"I don't know... I just find it funny that you're more scared of a cotton getting damped in your wound than receiving a bunch of heavy blows from a well-built guy."

YN rolled his eyes and nudges her lips. "Stop teasing me."

Chaeyoung laughs and continues to wrap the wounds with gauze properly. "Now, now. We're almost done so be chill."

"But I just find something funny too."

"What's yours?" Chaeyoung asks.

"You even made an effort to come here and do the aid by yourself when all I needed to be fine and ease my pain was to hear your soothing voice and see you unharmed by that pervert."

Chaeyoung paused at her movement and slowly made contact with YN's eyes, viewing her as she reacted speechlessly. She saw her smile developing while she wandered around her features.

"Believe me or not, but I meant what I said before. I'm not the type who focuses only on the outside, but you're just pretty; it's so unavoidable.

So thank you, Chaeyoung. Thank you for always making me calm when you're near."

Chaeyoung was only able to nod before she finished her treatment for YN; the lack of words dealt by her fluttering and appreciative remarks is what sent her conscience to go crazy.

She declared that the wounds in her face were now treated. Before she's about to go away, YN halts her for one last message before they end seeing each other for today. "About your problem, I got your back, Chae. I'll volunteer as the witness if it requires one."

"B-but what if they won't believe you?" Chaeyoung worried. YN can see the hopelessness in her, exactly the same as what she's been going through.

But YN didn't focus at that, there's this difference that she spotted which was more important for her to based on.

"Then I will keep pushing forward until I make them be, because you have a chance and you have the right to grab that, Chae. I don't want you to end up like me."

As Chaeyoung left the room, she sighed and stroked her hair stressfully as she makes her way back to her station.

She is beginning to become impatient and irritated at YN's negative insights.

"You keep saying that to yourself, why have you given up already?"

She knew it wasn't over for YN yet, and if that prisoner has lost its way to search for a solution down the road, then she doesn't want her to remain like that forever. Now she is convinced that she was just left there abandoned by the people she considered her loved ones.

"Hang in there, YN. It's my turn to get you out of your misery" Chaeyoung confidently said to herself as she quickened her pace of walking.

She has found you in the middle of your unfair fate, and all that she needs to do is lead you the way and take you as your sign of escape.

------------------------

The harassment complaint that Chaeyoung has filed against the male cop was approved as the final decision despite its attempts to reverse the suspect's blame and disguise himself as non-accountable.

It wouldn't be successful if it weren't for YN's voluntary act to state everything she witnessed during that scenario. The proof was strengthened when Chaeyoung's friend, Officer Lee Youngji, joined YN's goal to save and make Chaeyoung's side represent herself as the victim.

In punishment, the cop was stripped of his badge and position and fired. The chief made one last reminder and advice to everyone that they won't tolerate this shameful and disgusting act, and if they caught anybody, they better report it immediately for it to be discussed.

Chaeyoung thanked YN and Youngji for their assistance. The desire of hers to hug YN just like she did to Youngji is strong, yet unfortunately, she has to cover it up to make herself less suspicious.

In a gesture of gratitude, she only patted YN's shoulder and shook hands with her.

A few months later, Chaeyoung and YN both confirmed on their own that they are falling in love mutually, but with the same issue, neither has made the first move yet.

They both know that it's illegal for a cop and a person deprived of liberty to be in a relationship with each other inside the prison, as stated in the rules.

They were keeping it disclosed to the others so nobody could identify it and possibly report it to the higher-ups, so YN and Chaeyoung have no other choice but to hide their feelings and act like nothing's been going on between them.

It was hard when they always saw each other with their hearts shouting for one another's name, but for the sake of their safety, Chaeyoung and YN would do it all so none would face the consequences that would put them in a tough situation.

Aside from that, YN was baffled when she received another notification that she got a visit from someone after months of last seeing her brother.

She was unsure whether they changed their minds or if it was a different person this time who managed to pay a visit for her.

Entering the visitation booth, she was stunned to see a familiar person who appeared in her sight.

"YN!"

"C-Chaewon?!" She said in disbelief.

Rushing through the chair, she took a chair and sat in front of her bestfriend who just returned from abroad.

"OMO... W-WHAT HAPPENED? I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE SEEING YOU AGAIN BUT IN A WRONG PLACE?!" Chaewon exclaimed. "Why are you in jail?"

"Chaewon..." YN began to cry, she placed her hand on the glass in which Chaewon placed hers directly into the reflection.

"Take it slow, you have the time." Chaewon comforts her poor friend, frowning at the sight of her being devastated.

"T-they didn't took you away from me, right?"

"Huh? Wh-what? Who's they?"

YN pauses as she sniffs at her tears. "Mom, dad, or my brother. Did any of them tell you anything wrong about me?"

"I-I mean, they told me that you committed arson when I tried to meet them after I couldn't meet you at your house. I went here to confirm it straight at you, YN. My guts are telling me not to believe them immediately."

"No, don't! Just don't listen to whatever they say, Chaewon. Please."

"I didn't, don't worry. I know you aren't capable of doing that. You're not the YN I know that they believe you to be today." Chaewon relaxes her. YN was at least uplifted that a miracle just unexpectedly came to her, something she never knew would happen.

There was still at least one special person out there of hers who never lost their trust and loyalty for her, and it was stupid for her at the same time to not show the same positivity as her best friend.

"Just tell me, specifically. It might be not everything, just... give me atleast idea of what happened to you and why I have to witness my friend locked up behind bars."

YN sighed and wiped off the remaining wet stains around her face. "I-I feel like somebody framed me up, Chae."

Chaewon also perceives the same thought but she kept on listening. ""I didn't burn a property, Chaewon. I swear, but the evidences that were attained to the crime scene were all connected at mine. And I do admit, those are my belongings but I don't know how it just magically appeared there."

"So you mean, there's somebody out there who did it in actual but it uses it to cover her violation?"

"Yeah."

"And who do you might think it'll be?" Chaewon wondered. "Did you have any altercations with somebody?"

"No, I didn't."

"Whoever did that to you must've held a huge amount of pent-up anger and hatred; that's why they chose that idea to get back at you" Chaewon explained. "That could be the reason for you to request revisiting your case. Do you have plans to?"

"I was... but I lost hope when I thought nobody would ever help me get out of here."

"I'm both sorry and glad to hear you like that, but what matters now is that I'm here to take back my friend."

YN's eyes widened as Chaewon announced that without hesitation.

"Let's file a request with the court, YN. It's not too late for you to flip the tables around and retrieve your justice back."

As they ended their bittersweet reunion, YN emotionally bid goodbye to Chaewon for today before she returns to the hallway.

Chaeyoung pitifully smiled at her. "How did it go?"

"I still have a chance, officer, YN stuttered as she tried to control her tears from escaping again. Chaeyoung was astounded to hear a positive note from YN about herself for once.

"What do you mean?"

"My friend from the States came back to see me, and she wants us to file a request with the judge to reinvestigate the case."

Chaeyoung was delighted at the news brought by that friend of hers. She got curious about who that might be. Her feelings had no involvement with this; it was just the perfect timing for her to propose her plan.

"Great for you! I hope this time, it's you who will win the fight you never wanted to be in."

YN smiled and nodded before she walked away. Chaeyoung felt refreshed; it had been a long time coming to see her full of bloomy mood, and she wished it wouldn't stop immediately because YN... is her source of energy for working every day.

As she disappeared to the distance, Chaeyoung enters the other side of the booth and requests to the guard to hand her the logbook.

She searched through the recent notes and there, she got what she wanted to find.

"Kim Chaewon...." Chaeyoung muttered as she saved her contact number on her phone.

-------------------------------

"Are you Officer Son Chaeyoung?"

A woman who is almost the same height as her, sporting a short black hair with bangs, striped t-shirt, cargo pants, and sneakers emerged beside her as she carefully peeked at Chaeyoung who is sitting comfortably outside of a cafe.

"And you are Miss Kim Chaewon, right?"

"Yes." They bowed at each other for respect before they also exchanged greetings to each other.

"How did you get my number, if I may ask?"

"The logbook you signed in when you met YN/LN." She clarified. "She's your friend, right?"

"Yes, officer."

"Just call me Chaeyoung. No need to be formal."

"Oh uhm... yes. YN's my friend since we were in high school."

"Okay." Chaeyoung nodded. "You're the perfect person would could take my favor easily." "Uhm, why did you brought me here and meet you up? I'm curious."

"I know that you want your friend to get out of prison, so is YN and...

I am too."

"Y-you?"

Chaeyoung nodded. "Yes. YN has turned out to be my friend there. She has done so many nice things for me, and I'm here to return it all back, and I need your help just as you need mine."

Chaewon stayed silent; she only narrowed her eyes when she spotted a bit of an intriguing word that Chaeyoung used there.

"YN told me that she's going to continue insuing a request for motion to reinstate to the judge, and I support her for that. I couldn't help her for that because I have to remain anonymous or else I'm done" Chaeyoung elaborated.

"But, I could help her by providing the best of the detectives who can help her revisit and investigate the case again, which will eventually grant her a non-guilty decision. All I need to know is... do you accept my offer?"

Chaewon bit her lip as she processed it in her mind. Chaeyoung has effectively presented herself as a useful ally here who sets up a deal with her on her agenda to help YN reward her freedom.

Without showing any pride or doubts about the mentioned proposal, Chaewon spoke out shortly enough to prevent the officer from wasting more time.

"I accept."

-----------------------------

The judge approved, and the reinvestigation went smoothly with the help of Chaeyoung's friends she recommended from the police district in her hometown, Detective Kim Dahyun and Detective Chou Tzuyu.

Every detail that they collected was being updated to Chaeyoung so that she could tell YN, who can cooperate by helping the team expand and clear all the confusion that might be a barrier to their progress.

On the final day of the trial, Chaewon was about to enter the waiting room with cups of coffee in her hand when she captured Chaeyoung peeking at the door.

Intrigued by what she's watching, she found out that her eyes are locked on YN, who is silently praying near the window.

She slowly poked the officer's shoulder to avoid her being startled and cause the inmate to halt her prayer.

"How long have you been watching her?"

"N-not that long." Chaeyoung swallowed, side-eyeing in a glimpse of shame in her part.

"Hmm. Okay." Chaewon nodded, pursing her lower lip.

They both continue to monitor YN who is now viewing the scenery outside.

"You're doing this for her, but not only because of what you told me, do you?" Chaewon said from behind. Chaeyoung glances to the right where she easily heard it.

"How c-could you tell?

"I'm a psychiatrist actually. I'm on my vacation for 3 months here in South Korea that's why i'm here... temporarily." Chaewon revealed. "So yeah, I could depict whether a person is lying or not. I suppose your mannerism is twitching your upper lip when you do."

Chaeyoung opened her wide widely as she turned around and looked at Chaewon in shock. The latter just grinned and shrugged.

"Looks like I hit the bullseye with that."

"Don't tell her please." Chaeyoung bowed her head.

"I won't, but why?"

"I'm about to tell her myself, but I'll do it on the right time. I'm prepared, but I much prefer to do it at any place where we both can feel that we're free from anything. Away from a bunch of judgmental and rude people. Where nothing could hold me back from saying that I love her too."

A few hours later, the trial has reached its conclusion, but with a breathtaking twist for anyone who is present in the court.

Just as the judge declared the win for YN's side, implying a non-guilty order for her, the two detective buddies of Chaeyoung arrived at the scene to make a shocking statement.

It was found out through a series of tests that the new fingerprints, footprints, and cctv footage they gathered, which were absent from the previous investigation, all pointed to the sole person that Dahyun and Chaeyoung forcefully brought with them to show anybody that the accused is indeed innocent.

It was none other than YN's stepbrother, LN In-soo, who plotted and performed the crime against her.

He was about to sneakily escape the country when the team chased him all away to the Incheon International Airport when the experiments that were conducted from him matched positive to what they received in the materials he used on burning the said establishment.

Instead of being completely happy that she can now walk out of prison, it was mixed with devastation and anger that the only man she considered special in her life would be able to do this to her unmatched to how she looked up at him throughout their childhood days.

"I TREATED YOU LIKE MY REAL BROTHER! WHY DID YOU, MOM AND DAD INCLUDED ME TO BE PART OF THE FAMILY! JUST SO YOU CAN EMOTIONALLY ABUSE ME MORE THAN WHAT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH WHEN I WAS ABANDONED BY MY PARENTS?!"  YN shouts and tugs the shirt aggressively at her brother who is the real criminal and the mastermind of one of the worst happenings existed in her life while the guards tried to seperate them apart from each other.

Based from the interview, they have learned that Insoo did it so that he can get rid of her stepsister for good. He never wanted a sibling to be a girl, but he had no choice before but to get along with his parent's plan to let YN in their family so that they could make their grandparents proud that they had finally found a granddaughter to cherish.

That's why when YN entered in their life, Insoo felt like everything has been disrupted for him, starting from his grandparent's attention, the priorities, and the popularity among others who knew about their family's background.

So he came up with a plan that perfectly describes his cold-hearted personality with a cruel intention... and that is to destroy YN and reclaim everything he lost. He was the man behind the hooded and tracksuit wearing figure caught in the camera invading the front of YN's house from the hidden smart cam in one of the houses in the neighborhood.

Unfortunately for him, karma always prevails in the end and that led him to replace the spot intended for him to receive in the first place, not by his innocent step-sister who did nothing wrong with him or even dared to try it.

Meanwhile at the prison camp, YN has finally said her goodbyes to all of the inmates she had gotten close to, including Officer Youngji and Detective Dahyun and Tzuyu.

She had one last person to see which she saved because she always thought that she is the best amongst everyone.

Chaeyoung was sipping on her coffee as she reviews all the punishment of the newly arrived inmates when she saw YN walking towards her, now wearing a civilian attire with a backpack behind her.

She didn't forgot that it would her release today, she just wants to distract herself from thinking about it because she couldn't help but to sad not seeing her frequently around here anymore but still, she's happy that she finally made YN get the fate she deserved to have.

"Officer Son", YN called her.

"What happened with our agreement that we shouldn't be formal with each other?"

"Sorry, but I just want to call you that one last time for me to say my farewell properly as your inmate." She chuckled, rubbing her nape shyly. Chaeyoung grinned at how cute she was.

"Goodbye, Officer Son." She bowed in front of her. Chaeyoung hesitantly did the same, as her smile was about to shrink, but not until YN followed up with one more thing to say.

"But... as for you, Son Chaeyoung, the one whom I met as my best friend in this crowded, unreal place, I have to tell you something that is much better than saying goodbye."

She reached for her hand and squeezed it. Chaeyoung just had the biggest blush and the fastest heartbeat she ever had in her lifetime.

"I'm in love with you. It sounds cliche, but I meant it with all my heart. You were the first one who kept me calm and fought through all my negative insights just to shed some light of positivity for me to realize that it's not over for me yet. As long as I'm living, there is no end until time says so, and I thank you for making me realize it again without denial. You gave me hope and chances I thought I would never get when I went through this state that I thought I lost everything meaningful in my life... but then it all changed when I met you. My life was all dark until you showed up, and it was all yellow because you gave it color."

Chaeyoung cried at YN's heartfelt and sincere message. She gripped her hand more, and she cuddled it near her face, allowing YN to help her wipe off her tears.

"Don't cry. I didn't say goodbye to you, Chaeyoung, because I knew this wasn't the last time we'd meet again."

She pinched her cheek before she started to twirl her body around and walk away from Chaeyoung, who was left blossoming and touched by the confession she had been waiting to hear.

MORE THAN A WEEK LATER

YN parked her car and greeted the guards before she entered the facility.

Bringing the gifts with her, she enthusiastically walked to the help desk to state her concern.

"Good morning, I'm here to visit Officer Son Chaeyoung, please."

"Oh, uhm... you're looking for Officer Son?"

"Yes. Is she here?"

"But... maam, she left the camp last week." The policewoman said. YN was surprised at the news.

"Wait, what? T-then may I know where is she stationed now?"

"No, maam. She wasn't moved. As far as I know, she resigned from her position."

YN's mind went blank as she became clueless on where she could find Chaeyoung and return to her as what she was aiming to do once she got released, with the problem being that she didn't get to save her phone number before she left.

Back at the new house where she's currently residing and start a new life being away from the reputation of her family, acquiring a new surname for her to use legally.

She went inside, and it was still the same; everyone was preparing for the party they organized for today.

"You're back! And... what's with the pout, bestie?" Chaewon asked Chaeyoung, pointing at her with a pack of spaghetti noddles she's holding.

"I didn't get to see her, Chaeyoung said lamely. "She wasn't working at the camp anymore."

"Ahhhh... okay." Chaewon nodded, looking uninterested at Chaeyoung's reveal. "Anyways, get some rest, and we'll be about to start soon." She quickly rushed to the kitchen.

"What's up with her? Does she care about me getting sad that Chaeyoung's not around anymore after all she has done for me?" YN muttered at herself before she slumped her body on the couch.

Half an hour later, the celebration for YN's new home began. Chaewon's family joined, and even Detective Dahyun, Detective Tzuyu, and Officer Youngji paid a surprise visit to check on YN and enjoy time with her.

YN appreciated their presence but the thought of missing Chaeyoung still couldn't make her be in ease.

She approached Dahyun, Tzuyu, and Youngji wjo are now eating their respective foods in one table.

"Uhh hey guys, I just want to ask if have you guys know where Chaeyoung lives?"

"Yeah, we do." Dahyun said. "Why?"

"I want to visit her. I went to the camp earlier and I just found out that she wasn't working there anymore so I'm just curious and concerned for her, you know." YN explained. "Can I get her address?"

"No, why should we?"

"Pardon?"

"Why should we give it to you? So you can waste your time finding her?" Youngji answered.

"Huh? Ummm guys, I don't know why you guys are acting weird too li-"

"Shush it, YN. Let us finish, okay?" Tzuyu interrupted. That effectively made YN quiet as she observed the strange acts of her friends. "Again, why should we tell you her address and let you waste your time looking for her when you can even meet yourself right here today?"

They all pursed their lips in one direction. YN furrowed her eyebrow before she turned around and followed what they were referring to.

Her eyes landed on the familiar figure standing meters away from her at the gate. It slowly walked straight towards her, which was then followed by her own footsteps.

They did it until they shrank their gap, where they can now see their faces closer and more visible to admire.

"Looking for me?" Chaeyoung smirked, her hand hands behind her back and stared deeply at the gasping YN who is seeing her in a different new look. "I'm sorry if i'm a bit late. I had to try some clothes in my closet."

She was wearing a red dress, black heels and a new short haircut which she stylized it with blonde color, looking even much mesmerizing than her being in her police uniform.

"Chaeyoung." YN breathily said. "I-It's fine, you picked the right choice and it looks perfect on you."

"Hi." She grinned brightly.

"I-It's fine, you picked the right choice and it looks perfect on you."

"I'm sorry too if didn't gave up an update about what happened to me. Well, I wanted to make my surprise live up to its term."

YN understood it. "Can you tell me now?"

"Ofcourse. If you are thinking about the possibility of it, then you are correct. I was resigned from my job."

"Why?

"I made a violation and the chief discovered it when somebody went to report at her that caught me involving myself in Dahyun and Tzuyu's investigation without permission. She gave me 2 months of suspension in return."

"B-but the helper said you were fired?"

"No, I didn't. Nobody except those three in the back knew about exactly what happened." Chaeyoung clarified.

"You only got suspended though, so why did you resigned?"

"I already achieved my dream, and 10 years of service was enough for me to step out. I just had another new dream to live on, so I sacrificed one for it."

Chaeyoung grabbed both of her hands and watched their own pairs lock into one another's touch satisfyingly. "I said before to myself that I would only do it when both of us are now free from anything.

Where nothing... can hold me back from telling you that I love you."

Chaeyoung held YN's back of her head and pulled it closer for her to press their lips together for a much-awaited kiss. All of their friends cheered at the back as they watched this happy ending that they were all anticipating.

"For the first time in my life, I had to let my heart choose itself what lies ahead of me, and I finally did it. I thought you'll be just like one of them who only cares about 'what' I am but never at 'who' I am but instead you turned out to be someone who made me feel how valuable I am by cherishing how small things I've done could mean a lot already to you even though I knew I could've done better. I got what I'm finding for, and it was something just like this, YN." Chaeyoung softly said, her hands sliding up and down on YN's shoulders. "I told you, I never fully regret what happened to me, because if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't be able to meet the person who was ready to risk and join me wherever she wants to go. If that's what you desire... then I wouldn't mind follow you along, Chae." YN said heartfully. "Let's continue to make hopes and enter opportunities for the future together."

They both kissed passionately again with their own initiative, as it lasted a little longer than the previous.

Breaking their moment for a while, they nodded and grinned before deciding to return to their friends and join them celebrate this special day they're having.

[violettawriting]

Chapter Two

Francesca's P.O.V

It's been a week and a half since Leóns party and I've been extremelly busy with classes and all of the complementary college projects i've signed to this semester. I barely have time to think about anything else besides sheet music and guitar chords.

I was in the middle of revising a song lyric that I've been working on when my phone starts vibrating, and my brother Luca's name appears on the screen.

"Ciao, Luca. Cosa desideri?" I answear not really in the mood for talking.

"Woah, okay... i missed you too." He teases. "How are you? We haven't heard of you in weeks."

"Sto bene, Luca. Just very busy." i try to sound as friendly as I can.

"Hm. Good to hear. Soo... you already know why I'm calling, right? You still haven't told us if you're coming for nonna's birthay party."

I take a deep breath and press the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger. I hate to sound like I don't care about my family's stuff. I mean, I love them and I miss them very much. But sometimes it seems like they just don't aknowledge the fact I'm living in another continet and it's not that easy to go visit. Plus, I'm really focused on college right now. They'll be offering a huge opportunity to work with the biggest singer of Buenos Aires, Angie Carrara (aka Vilu's aunt), to the student with best grades by the end of the semester and I've been working my ass of to get it.

"Yeah, I know.. I'm sorry. It's just that I still don't know if there'll be any exams in that week. I promise I'll give you guys a response ASAP."

"Hm... alright. Just please don't take too long, 'kay?" I mumble a positive answer. "Okay then... Prenditi cura di te. We'll be waiting for you call.

"A presto". I hang up and stare at my screen. God, I really need a good night of sleep.

I stretch in the chair and run my hands through my hair, sighing wearily. After a few seconds staring at the wall, I finally get some courage to get myself up and go to the cafeteria buy myself something extra-sugary.

In the middle of my walk from the dormitories to the main building, I notice how crowded the campus is today. For some reason, it seems to have more people around this wednesday afternoon. I watch as a few groups of students pass by, chatting in hushed tones. As I finally approach the grand entrance of the University of Buenos Aires, I spot a rather... amusing pair, whispering intensely in a more secluded corner.

I spot Ludmila's shiny hair first. Her colorfull outfit starkly contrasts with Diego's plain gray shirt and black pants. I try not to stare but I just can't help feeling intriged by this weird duo.

Obviously I'm not able to make out the words, so I eventually give up on watching them. But not before Diego cathes my staring eyes and stops talking. I try to act normal, as if it was just a coincidence that I was looking at their direction the same moment he looked at me, and rush into the building.

***

I'm sitting at a table in the corner of the cafeteria, waiting for Cami who's currently stuck in class with Gregorio. Poor her. I sip my cup of hot chocolate slowly, savoring it before it ends and I have to go back to my studies.

I am completely distracted inside my own mind and don't notice the blonde girl coming in my direction. "Hi, Fran! How are you today?" Ludmila aproaches me with that well-known fake tone in her voice. "It's been a while since we last had a chat!"

I stare at the girl, trying not to give her a face as annoyed as i feel right now. I've known Ludmila since high school, when i moved to Argentina with my family and started studying music at the Studio 21. It's no news that she's a trouble maker and will do whatever it takes to archieve her goals. Good thing we don't get to spend too much time together here in Uni.

"Hello, Ludmila" I reply not really giving her much attention.

I can sense what's to come when she pulls the chair on the other side of the table and sits in front of me. "So, how's the... chocolate?" she asks, in that typical Ludmila way.You can tell she's struggling to find friendly words to say. God, she's terrible at pretending to be interested in other people.

"Great. Can I help you?" I ask her directly. We both know she wouldn't come here if she didn't wanted something from me.

"Woah, Fran, it really hurts my feeling when you speak to me like this" She touches her chest in a hurt way and makes a sad puppy face. I say nothing, just stare at her with my brow arched, waiting. "Well, okay. Whatever," she drops the act. "I just wanted to ask why were you eversdropping my private conversation yearlier".

I keep staring and pretend I have no idea what she's talking about.

"Oh please, don't play dumb with me. What did you hear?" She is leaning on her arms, almost reaching the middle of the table, looking at me intently.

"I didn't hear anything, Ludmila. And I wasn't eversdropping."

She fake laughs, dismissing my answear with a "don't bullshit me" look.

"Seriously. I couldn't hear a word. And honestly, I don't care, either. So, don't worry. I won't tell anyone you were dealing drugs with Diego or anything." I say, getting up and grabbing my stuff.

Ludmila laughs loudly at that and I turn my head at her direction, actually intriged by her reaction.

"Drugs?! Oh, please, Fran. As if i needed any of that shit. Mind you, I'm pretty content with my sane mind. I'm naturally fun and entertaining." She runs a hand through her hair and leans back in the chair. "Plus, I would never do that to my body. Hello?? I'm an artist. A star. I gotta take care of my health and my voice." She says, as it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Aaalright... good for you. Really, congrats." I say, forcing a interested voice. "Now, if you excuse me, I have a saxophone waiting for me to play it in my dorm." I walk away as quickly as I can, leaving her no chance to keep the conversation going.

As I was briskly walking through the place, I bump into a familiar redhead who also seems to be in a hurry.

"Oof! Francesca, you nearly knocked me over!" Camila scolds me. "Where are you going with such hurry?"

"Sorry, I was running from Ludmila. She's certain I was eversdropping her and Diego earlier."

"Well... were you?" My friend asks, as we leave the building.

"No!! Of course not. I just saw them suspiciously whispering and thought it was weird." I say, trying not to sound as if it was a big deal because I know how invested in gossips Camila can get.

"Hum... I see." She ponders for a moment and we keep walking towards the dormitories. When I think the subject is already over, she spats "But like- why were they together? I mean, what could these two possibly have in common? Obviously it wasn't for drugs. Ludmila would never use any of that..." she keeps rumbling as I stay silent. Suddenly, Cami stops mid-walk and gasps. "Oh. My. God. What if they're secretly dating???"

I turn to look at my insane friend. "What? Where'd you get this idea from?" I say. "Of course not. They would never date each other. Plus, what's this? Middle school?" I dismiss her crazy idea, but as I think about it I start wondering if that would be really impossible. "Anyway. It doesn't matter. Why are Diego and Ludmila even a topic of our conversation?"

I open the door in front of me and enter the dormroom, leaving those thoughts in the hallway.

[beardedmrbean]

The capital's healthcare woes made headlines on Thursday when the Helsinki and Uusimaa Hospital District (HUS) announced layoff talks aiming to cut nearly one thousand jobs.

Helsingin Sanomat's most-read story on Friday reports on another major issue in Finnish public healthcare — the exodus of doctors to the private sector, which means vacancies on the public side often aren't filled.

Two public health clinics in Helsinki were recently unable to recruit doctors for open positions. One of the jobs did not receive a single application, while the other drew just a single applicant who did not meet the eligibility criteria.

These jobs have base salaries of around 4,000 euros, with various allowances that can significantly increase the total pay, likely to some 6,000 euros, according to HS. That is, however, significantly less than the 10,000-euro monthly salary doctors can pull down when signing up with staffing agencies to do the exact same job.

In 2022, a third of the city's open doctor positions received no applicants.

"I should have moved to the US"

Hufvudstadsbladet follows up on the government's three-month rule for foreign workers, which stipulates that if a worker on a worker residence visa loses their position, they must find a job within three to six months or risk deportation.

Entrepreneurs at the Maria Startup Campus in Helsinki, where nearly 40 percent of company founders are foreign, told HBL that companies like Nokia helped create an image of Finland as a tech-friendly and innovative country. Now, the business community is concerned that the country's reputation is deteriorating in the eyes of potential newcomers.

"I should have moved to the US instead. That's what I've been thinking about lately. It's hard to see a future here," Jerry Udensi told the paper.

Jayesh Vasudeva meanwhile said Finnish immigration policy could become a major stumbling block for high-tech companies.

"I'm definitely worried. Many people who come here to study are specialists, and it can take a very long time to find a job. Six months is not enough," Vasudeva explained.

Parents push back against phones

With the new school term underway, some parents have taken the "radical" approach of choosing to not give their children smartphones, reports Iltalehti.

In Kokkola, IL talked to one new first grader's father who has a clear stance on screens. "We’re not planning to get him a phone or even a watch phone at this time."

Another parent with kids in grades 3, 5 and 7 in Satakunta was along the same lines. "I feel that my children are incredibly free. They’re not prisoners of screens," said the mother whose kids don't have personal devices.

"You see a lot of kids already stop playing when they're four years old," the mother who works in early childhood education, told IL, adding that her seventh grader still engages in play.

IL also brings up its previous reporting on a troubling phenomenon in Finnish schools where pupils secretly record each other and teachers. The videos are sometimes then used to bully and humiliate the victims, with videos posted on platforms like TikTok.

[feysandfeels]

thank u! The situation is this, roughly. I'm in my mid 20s and I live in city A, where I'm very comfortable. I have all my friends here, old firndships of 10+ years and new ones. Since I'm not close to my family, they're extremely important to me. In the past two years I've maybe spent 15 days without meeting anyone, being able to socialise and lean on my friends is super important to me. I love my city, I'm comfortable here and I know I wanna spend my life here. However, I cant get my masters degree here, I'd have to do an expensive online degree and I've really been considering moving somewhere else for my masters for a while now, to use that opportunity and get to know a new place before returning here for good. I dont really wanna do an online degree, spending 6 hours a day in my room with no way to socialise and meet new friends. Ive been dating someone since november 22, we just broke up a couple days ago. I think ive sent u asks about him before lol. He lives in city B, 600 km away from me and ultimately the distance was the break up reason, although admittedly there have been other struggles as well. He said if I were to move there, he'd love to date me again for real this time. City B is far away, but it would actually offer me a good (and free) degree, its a vibrant metropolis and I could honestly do worse. The thing is, I'm scared of moving there only to end up depressed and homesick and on top of that back in a rocky relationship. I love and miss him a lot but there is no guarantee this would work out, even without the distance.

Got any advice? Both options have their pros and cons I guess

Hello My Love,

I'm sorry for the late reply but it was my grandma's birthday and a woman is nothing if not extra and we literally had celebrations for her the whole week. But she deserves it. Fabulous lady, truly.

Anywho, I have been thinking about this a lot and I - do you have a cunty friend? Can I be your cunty friend? Like I will give you hugs and bake you cookies, but can I be the cunty friend?

Because here is what I think: do not include that man or your relationship with him in your decision making process. Even though, I think distance is a valid reason when talking about North America -and America in general as traveling within the continent is not as cheap or easy as it is in other places... I am looking at you "long distance relationships within England"- the fact that you were also having other issues makes me believe that maybe maybe this is not where you should be putting your energy. If you give him a deciding factor weight type of thing then there might be chance you end up in a program that is good but not "the one", in a relationship that shows you that the problems that were not distance related are still there and well with a cup half empty. Personally, and feel free to disagree and be more of a romantic here... but personally I feel that if you guys have only been together a couple of months he should not hold such privilege weight in your life as to be a deciding factor to where you do your MA, that is something that comes with time and dedication.

Even if you do think it is worth a shot please please have a good think about whether it comes from a sense of comfort and of "hey at least I would have someone there" or the comfort of having previously been together. If this dude was not in an emotional position to put the effort to be in a long distance relationship with you then I think you deserve someone who will put that effort and even encourage you to fully look at all the available brilliant MA options you have. There's nothing wrong with him not wanting to do that and peace be with him and all that, but you deserve someone who will be there even when an ocean stands between you two.

Choose your MA because it feels your heart with joy to study whatever it is on, because you love the classes, because the campus seems nice and they have cool clubs and a nice community, because there are cute cafes and the nice restaurants, because the bookstores are amazing, because the scenery is inspiring, because you want to learn... and then jump.

Now for the MA experience and the fear of leaving home. I will not lie to you babygirl, it is daunting and settling in will take a while. This being said it will be an adventure! A great one at that. I feel these experiences allow you to truly get to know you for who you are when your familiar context is stripped away, you learn to spend time with you, to date you, to enjoy your own company; simultaneously it forces you to grow past the beautiful fence that limits your comfort space, to face the horizon and see all that land with boundless opportunity for you to build something from it and cherish it.

I know there's a fear of what if I don't meet new friends? what if my teachers suck? what if there is no cute cafes? what if I feel alone? But during those years you learn to communicate with your loneliness and find company within it; you learn that a smile is universal and most likely people will also be looking to make friendly connections; you learn things that you like about yourself that can help you grow into a new version; your teachers will most likely be lovely; you learn to love and be with people at a distance (you have an online community that literally travels with you, and your friends from home will adapt to you being away and you will not feel alone). Don't let fear of the unknown stop you, because even within the borders of your hometown the unknown will find you.

There's something my MA teacher used to say to me that I have loved ever since: be brave and head into the unknown, you never know which constellations you will find in a new sky.

Hope it helped..

sending you lots of love and light.

Ps: if you end up choosing the MA in the city he is in, make sure you are choosing it because of the program and the city... make sure you would choose it even if that dude did not live there.

Ahora sí, besos mi reina (gn)

[elijahkelly]

3/29/2023

A lot has happened in the last few days. A very nice change of pace from the last time I posted.

I'd been really struggling with my mental health because of my medication (or lack thereof). Not taking my Zoloft because I hated how it made me feel really took a toll on me. Going without meds for the first time in almost a year and a half wasn't the best experience. To the extent that I was having mental breakdowns and throwing chairs at work. It was bad. But I finally got to the psychiatrist this week.

She talked with me about my situation and moved me from Zoloft to Prozac. I told her that I keep a sort of online journal (referring to this blog) and she encouraged me to continue doing it, and even to post daily rather than every now and then. So I'm gonna try to post here daily. She also told me she wants me to reach out to campus counseling services and start seeing a therapist. So I might be doing that soon.

Prozac is like a wonderdrug. I have felt so much better since I started taking it, like leagues better now than I felt then. Kinda to an incredible degree. I haven't noticed negative side effects yet, which is a first.

Almost like taking new medicine flipped a switch, I got a 98 on the lab I was stressed about, the cats have been doing well, and my roommates have reconciled.

Today, I had my employee evaluation at work. Back when I introduced myself I explained that I'm the Head Customer Service Desk Representative at my job, so rather than being evaluated by a Building Supervisor like the normal CSDs are, I was evaluated by the Facilities Coordinator and Graduate Assistant.

During my evaluation, they beamed about me. Incredibly complimentary, telling me that I have grown tremendously and they've been incredibly happy to see it. I was enamored to hear this, because at my last evaluation, they made notes for things to change and I had been working strenuously to make those changes. So they were confirming that my work did not go unnoticed, which made my heart feel full.

At the end of the evaluation, the Facilities Coordinator said that because of how impressed they've been with my growth and progress, they want to offer me the position of Building Supervisor. This made me want to explode with happiness. I've been gunning for that position since the beginning of summer last year, so to hear that my efforts were finally coming to fruition quite literally made me want to cry in front of my bosses.

It's been an amazing few days, both mentally and physically. I'm gonna ride this high as long as I can. I will also try my best to adhere to my psychiatrist's request to journal here every day.

So, assuming I do that, I'll be back tomorrow.

[five-miles-over]

Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends

Pairings: Rory Slippery (from Fortysomething) x Reader, Bill Hazeldine (from Suburban Shootout) x Reader

Summary: A first-year medical student at the University of Surrey, you move into a uni house and meet your new flatmates Bill Hazeldine and Rory Slippery

"Yes, mum. I've just pulled up in front of the building," you spoke, precariously holding the phone with one hand while you parked your second-hand car with the other. The car, a dark grey 1990 Honda Accord, a graduation present given to you by your parents, with the idea that you'd be able to be much more independent driving to uni rather than relying on public transport. Of course, it was also a convenient way to get rid of a car they'd been hoping to replace with a much newer, more fuel efficient model. That aside, you were sure that it would make you a bit cooler around campus, not that it truly mattered anyways. "I'll call you again when I'm settled. I love you, Mum." 

After exiting the vehicle, and locking it, you opened the door to your uni house for the first time. "Eee!" A rat scurried past you, and a chill ran down your spine. You might need to call someone to deal with that…very soon. With a long look up the wooden stairs, to where the bedrooms were supposed to be, you took a deep breath and picked up one of the three keys laying on a countertop. 

To say the house needed some work was a slight understatement. The kitchen sink was leaking like a salivating dog, the faded pastel wallpaper in the living room was peeling near the edges, the furniture was clouded with a coat of dust, and to top it off, the gilded '221' on the door was half-covered in dark rust . No wonder this house was one of the cheapest near campus.  

Within one hour filled with heaving, panting, and thankfully no more mice, you were able to get all of your boxes into your room within the uni house. Compared to the rest of the house, the room that you chose had a pale blue paint on the walls, and it vaguely matched the color of the bedsheets you brought with you. The mattress, which was lodged against a large window with one large crack (heaven knows where that came from…some Romeo throwing pebbles?), was relatively stainless though yellow from age.

You unpacked the boombox among your things and filed through the box containing your CDs. Selecting a random one, you let the music play through the house while you dueled with fitted sheets and fought with a bedskirt (why do those even exist??). 

"Finally!" You exclaimed with relief, falling back onto the bed after setting it up for the first time. Unpacking the rest of your things wouldn't be so hard, now that the bed was set up. Plus…now you could always take a nap if you were tired. Just then, from a distance, you heard the sound of two people - a middle-aged woman and a man - talking quickly. The door opened with a creak, and was followed by the sounds of their footsteps.

You stealthily left your room, trying to make as little noise as possible with each step. A tall, lanky, boy with dark blonde curls carried a box overflowing with books into the home while the middle-aged woman and man (presumably his parents) could be heard inspecting the house. 

"Jeremy, I can't believe the condition of this living room," the woman - slender with a bowl-cut, a few wrinkles upon her face - commented with dismay. She stood near the seemingly rickety, dusty coffee table positioned in front of a small television with a flimsy-looking antenna. You swore she blushed just a tiny bit when she came across a worn-out copy of A Savage Adoration, published by Mills and Boon, hidden under a small ashtray found on the coffee table. 

"It'll be a good experience, Joyce," the man peeked from behind a fridge. "I remember my uni house being in worse shape than this��" He didn't seem much taller than the woman, though definitely a bit more stout. 

"Hello?" You cautiously asked, introducing yourself as one of the students living in this house for the academic term. 

"Oh, you've moved in already?" Joyce's face lit up when she heard who you were. She tentatively came towards you, and looked around the house. "Bill, come say hello to your new flatmate."

You and Bill, the lanky boy with blonde curls you saw earlier, shook hands and exchanged names. His palms were sweaty and his eyes were a mixture of blue and grey, like the sky during a thunderstorm.

"Looks like you'll get your first taste of living among the ladies." Jeremy chuckled, watching his boy reluctantly extend his hand. "Good practice for when you're married."

"Bill, make sure you call every day," Joyce instructed Bill with a hand upon the boy's shoulder. "I want you to promise that you'll stay away from drugs, any kind of parties, or gangs."

"Joyce, our son's all grown up now. He'll be quite alright." Jack commented, and you couldn't help but smirk just a little. Bill, though he may be old enough for uni, just seemed too….baby-faced the more that you looked at him. Not that it was off-putting at all. It made Bill seem angelic and innocent, like the type who wouldn't cause trouble. 

Joyce and Jack shook your hand, hugged Bill at least twice, and wished you both luck before finally driving off. 

"Where's that coming from?" Bill pointed upstairs in the direction of the music that you'd briefly forgotten about. You could barely hear "Sugar We're Goin Down" playing from your bedroom. 

"Oh, it's just my boombox - I put on a CD while I was setting up my bedsheets," you dismissed. "I think I've got a kettle packed somewhere, do you want a cup of tea or some coffee?"

"Tea sounds good." Bill rummaged through a cardboard box and handed you a box of Earl Grey tea packets, along with…a bag of sugar.

"You might need to find another way of storing this," you chuckled, placing the items onto the counter. The electric kettle, filled with tap water, hissed after you plugged it into the outlet. And while the water heated up, you removed the plastic covering off the box of tea bags. Just then, you and Bill heard a knock on the door.

"There's supposed to be a third person here, right?" Bill asked as the two of you shuffled towards the front.

"Yeah…Rory something." 

You and Bill opened the door to find another young man with cropped brown hair and sharp cheekbones. He wore a blue and black sweater, a visible white undershirt, and worn out jeans. A pile of boxes, and a stereo were piled near his feet.

"This is…221 Dunmore Street?"

"That's the address, I believe." You pointed the number on the door.

"Where's your family?" Bill asked, lightly squinting.

"Didn't need their help." The young man shook Bill's hand "I'm Rory Slippery."

"Bil Hazeldine. Let me help you get your things." Bill rushed to carry one of Rory's boxes inside. 

"Thanks." After Rory introduced himself to you, you extended your hand forward too. Instead of shaking your hand, Rory lowered his head and briefly kissed your knuckles with a little smirk. 

You looked down briefly and smiled. "Wow, thanks."

"Always a pleasure." 

You picked up another one of Rory's boxes and led him inside the house. "Your key's on that table over there. We've got a kettle going - do you want some tea?"

"Alright." 

"The water should be done by now. Let's get all the boxes inside." You, Bill, and Rory continued to carry boxes inside the house. And just like how two of Bill's boxes were overfilled with books, two of Rory's boxes were filled with video games, sweaters, and…hair care products. You made a mental note to ask Rory about that sometime, but not yet.

Fifteen minutes later, the three of you were situated in the living room, sipping steaming mugs of Earl Grey made with the tea bags that Bill had brought. Holding his mug, Rory searched the room for the television remote. Meanwhile, you and Bill sat on a faded couch and the Mills and Boon book was being perfectly ignored on the coffee table.

"Where's everyone from?" Bill was the first to break the ice. 

Rory procured the remote from a mystery corner table in the living room, and blew a cloud of dust off of it. "My parents live in Wimbledon."

"Cool! I've been to Wimbledon once. I absolutely loved it."

"That's not far from campus. Why'd you choose a uni house?" You asked, taking another sip.

"I needed my own place." Rory aimed the remote at a television and managed to turn it on. "I'm a grown man now, I need to…be mature for my age."

You raised an eyebrow.

Rory sighed. "I'm a third-year. Transferred from University of Raleigh in time for the new term."

When Bill asked why, Rory confessed that his ex-girlfriend cheated with his brother, and he couldn't put up with it. "I just don't want to come home and see his lying, sniveling coward face everyday."

After a moment of awkward silence, you asked what everyone's courses were. Rory stated that he was interested in Sociology and Bill declared that he wanted to pursue Theology.

"What about you?" Bill asked.

"BMBS," you gently said with a chuckle. "Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery."

"Cool!"

Rory piped up. "My dad's a doctor. I could introduce you to him."

"That'd be great, thank you." You nodded. "What's his speciality?"

"Not sure." Rory shrugged and took another sip.

"I'm sorry about your girlfriend."

"I'm not. She was never the one."

"Maybe you'll find someone nice here." Bill cheerfully moved closer to you and Rory, and raised his mug. "A toast to a good year at uni. A new chapter in the books of our lives that will be filled to the brim with

memories." 

You and Rory silently clinked your mugs against his.

[1-800-mika]

-MIKASWIFE- / 1-800-Mika

Follow my Wattpad:

EUPHORIA; Eren x Fem!Reader

This story takes place in New York (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Long Island) or a city similar.

Most characters in the book are 18+

Y/n has no specific race but is hint to be more of a poc character. (Curly short hair, darker skin)

As long as I could remember I've lived in New York. My family's company is originally based in New York but it's spread across the nation due to its success. My parents are, well we're very strict, tough loving specimens. My father was occupied 24/7 with board meetings, traveling around the world shaking hands with famous foreign business men.

My mother was a beauty, she was full of herself. She was the walking definitely of Seven deadly sins, the sin of pride. She didn't talk to lower classmen if they didn't make six figure income she didn't associate with them.

Unfortunately my parents died when I was entering middle school. Due an airplane accident, they were going to a press conference in Dubai when there was a terrible malfunction with the plane radio. I honestly didn't know how to feel about.

I'm biologically my dad's but not my mother. My father had an affair with a famous biologist that was working for the company at the time.

My father never had the best relationship with my mother and she always made it balnty obvious that she was seeing other men. Due to their social status they had to act happy even though they were falling apart.

I had a horrible relationship with my mother. She would make fun of my curly hair and say it wasn't natural or at least wasn't pretty enough.

Taunting me about my skin.

My father, He always thought I was gorgeous, and my beauty was a gift to the naked eye. He supported me no matter what even with everything that happened between me and mother he still didn't care.

There was my sibling Hange their non-binary. Hange has always been the bright light that kept me going, their creativity would burst through the sky like fireworks.

They are also very intelligent. Even though preparing as the older sibling to be in charge of the company when dad steps down was their calling. They were more interested is scientific stuff (Archeology, biology, paleontology).

But due to the accident their thought of going to college and studying about the earth was cut short. Only at 19 they took the position as ceo.

With the causes and effects of our parents one of our biggest problems was paparazzi. Paparazzi had a great effect on my life with my anxiety issues.

All the attention, my name in the media. It made me cry.

I stopped going to in person school and did homeschooling for my high school. I was able graduate due to my academic skills, events I did to help the school and after school activities.

I know Hange has been stressed to own a multi million dollar company at 20, but we've been able to adjust. With the money make and the savings were able to live in some-what luxury, even though I don't see Hange as much as I can.

But today is the day I move in on campus, Hopefully I can make some friends.

WARNINGS: Sexual themes, Drug use, Stalking, Blood, Assault

[topherfoxtrot]

Thunderbolts: The hulk's personal protection team

Hey, here's the second episode of my fanon thunderbolts. Since last episode Emil Blonsky escaped from his imprisonment. He's probably going after the Hulk, right? John, Ava, Yelena, Justin and the mysterious Contessa Valentina attend to a presentation Bruce Banner is giving at MIT to find out. This one is more comedy leaned. It wasn't a conscious choice, it just sort of happened. But I'm glag it did. If you enjoy your read please like, share or comment something :D

Valentina hated those heels but something inside of her made she wear them anyways, even on grass. She was going first and foremost. Justin Hammer was right behind her jumping in excitement and giving a lot of useless yet interesting facts about MIT lore and culture. The rest of the thunderbolts were there too. John was wearing a cap and a 5 o'clock beard. Ava was wearing a huge gray sweater as she usually did. Yelena was rocking a leather jacket. For all purposes they did look like a group of college students.

"This place is huge!" Ava looked around, "I wish I went to college."

"What would you do?" John asked.

"I don't know. Anything except quantum physics I guess!" Ava laughed.

"I knew a quantum physics guy once." Justin thought out loud.

"Yeah you knew everyone." Yelena rolled her eyes, "You told that already. We been knew."

"Hey, no need to be so harsh. Your new equipment is my property and I can reclaim them at any time, remember?"

"Oh yeah I haven't used the tasers yet. Wanna help me out with that?" Yelena smirked.

"Behave, children." Valentina intervened, "We want doctor Banner to have a good first impression about us. Specially after the Blosnky incident." She side eyed Ava.

The campus was packed with people of all ages and all around the country and possibly the whole world too. There have been a lot of workshops and seminars the whole week, but today's main event was special: Bruce Banner was gonna give a presentation on the applications of biochemistry in robotics. Apparently the robot dogs running around campus were testing an engine that doesn't need gasoline or electric energy to work.

"I've seen those dogs before." John was reading an informative folder, "I don't think building them to never sleep is a good idea."

"I have a history of dangerous applications of robotics and I agree." Justin cleaned his glasses. The microfiber cloth had his name on it. "It can get out of hand rather quickly!"

"Now that I think about it Bruce Banner also has a history of dangerous applications of robotics." Yelena pointed out, "Y'all remember Ultron?"

"Mistakes are learning opportunities. I mean, not for them I guess." Valentina sighted, "Trust me those super idiots are always making mistakes and they never learn!" She said that last part in a loud whisper.

The presentation was supposed to happen at 4pm so they got there one hour earlier as the Contessa wanted. Doctor Banner was in the auditorium already. His big hands were setting the projector and his eyes were studying the obnoxiously small papers scattered across the table. As usual, the heels Valentina was wearing announced her presence.

"Doctor Banner." She greeted him formally.

"Hello." He analyzed her quickly, "How can I help you..? And you?" He looked at the thunderbolts arriving with the Contessa.

"Well, you see." Valentina took off her sunglasses, "It might actually be the other way around. We are the ones who are here to help."

"Oh." Bruce changed his posture to pay full attention at the lady.

"We are the thunderbolts and we are here to protect you Doctor Banner."

"Protect... me?" Bruce tried to sound polite.

"We have privileged information that confirms you might be in danger, man!" Justin put himself in front of Valentina, "We don't want to scare you or anything but the Abomination scaped his imprisonment!"

Bruce's eyes opened wide suddenly. It's been fifteen years since he saw Emil Blonsky. And as time passed by he caught himself thinking about the man less and less. Now however this distant memory became an immediate danger.

"Should I cancel the..?"

"No, of course not Doctor Banner!" Valentina waved her hand as if the whole situation was nothing but a little annoyance, "You can carry on with your presentation. The Thunderbolts are here to protect you. Also, my name is Valentina Allegra de La Fontiane, Contessa Valentina de La Fontiane. It's a lot to remember I know but don't worry, I'm hard to forget."

"Okay. The.. hm, thunderbolts." He looked at the weird bunch, "Hey aren't you the new Captain America?" He asked.

John looked down and then looked to the roof real quick, "I'm not Captain America anymore." He said between his teeth.

"Yeah there's a new new Captain America now." Valentina rolled her eyes, "But that's not important now, is it? We'll just sit here and wait for the presentation to be over. How about that?"

Bruce didn't trust the team quite yet, but he trusted himself to be his own protection so it was no big deal. Still, as the thunderbolts took their sits at the end of the room, Bruce grabbed his cellphone to check if Emil was really out. There was nothing on the news or on twitter which meant that either Valentina was lying or the government was hiding this information really well. Both options were equally plausible in Bruce's eyes so he decided to roll with it.

***

When the presentation started the lights went out. Yelena, Ava, John, Justin and Valentina were sitting on the last set of chairs. At some point Valentina got up to get a phonecall. John whispered to not disturb the presentation:

"So...who is she?"

"What do you mean?" Justin asked, also quietly.

"This... Contessa. I don't know. Her." He pointed at the exit door she just left through.

"Haven't you read the card?" Ava asked.

"What card? You mean the blank card? The one with nothing written on it?"

"It was written with invisible ink." Yelena clarified.

"Invisible ink?" John couldn't believe his own words.

"John that's the oldest trick in the book." Justin seemed interested in the presentation, "Espionage 101."

"I was black ops...!" John sounded offended. Someone shushed them so they stayed in silence for a while. Ava felt bad for John though.

"It doesn't matter if you read it or not." She whispered, "It's not like there was any key information there. It was just her name and this weird lightning symbol."

"The thunderbolts!" Justin whispered back.

"So.. us?" John asked.

"That's what it seems." Yelena looked around with no sign of the Contessa, "But who are we?"

"Didn't she explain anything to you guys?" Justin asked.

"No! Did she explain anything to you?"

"I mean, no."

"What?" Ava asked a little louder than intended.

"She just said she would sponsor my projects so I was immediately on board." Justin justified himself, "I just assumed you were more into her deal than I was."

"I can't believe I fell for another pyramid scheme." Ava sighted

"Another?" John asked.

Someone shushed them again, more aggressively this time.

"Excuse me who do you think you are to shush me??" Justin whispered as loud as he could.

"Hammer, sit down!" Yelena ordered.

"Not, let's see what this fella has to say!" Justin grabbed his cellphone to use as a flashlight, but that was not necessary because the lights turned on out of sudden. The robot dogs entered the room as part of the presentation and everyone clapped and cheered at them. Justin sat down again and straighten his blazer aggressively.

The robot dogs did some flips and silly dances. Their "skin" was transparent so it was possible to see all fluids and engines working inside. Everyone was having a good time except Justin, John and Yelena. Something about the dogs and the claps made John unsettled. Yelena felt the same. They looked at each other looking for some guidance. That's when the shots were fired.

A few people from the crowd got up wearing balaclava masks and wielding machine guns. The robot dogs positioned themselves, one on each side of every seat row. The chemicals inside them started to bubble in a menacing way. A man from the first seat now in balaclava got closer to Hulk with a shotgun aimed at his head.

"Hello everyone!" The man screamed, "We are only here for the money. If everyone cooperates, no one gets hurt."

The criminals started to walk around the room with huge bags stealing rings, watches, wallets and all sorts of jewelry.

"There's twelve of them." Yelena whispered.

"How much you can take?" John analyzed the room with her.

"Without getting shot? A few. But the dogs seem to be time bombs."

"Yeah there's too many people here. We have to think this through!" Ava stated.

"Oh my god is that Ant-Man??" Justin screamed pointing at Ava's feet.

"What? Where?" Ava got up on a jump. The men started shooting at her but she phased around the bullets out of reflex. That was just the distraction Justin needed to run into the exit door Valentina went through minutes ago.

"Fucking Hammer!" Yelena grunted before jumping to the ground. A nearby dog jumped to attack her but she quickly applied a jiujitsu move that made the dog fly above her. The fluids inside the robot started to shine in a weird way. John jumped across the seats and kicked the robot to the roof where it exploded. The roof suffered some damage but no enough to fall. No one got hurt. Except the dog whose metallic remains fell onto the ground.

John landed beside Yelena to check on her. Ava made herself invisible and visible again more times than the nearest criminal could comprehend. When Ava reached him she grabbed him by the back and used him as a human shield. Her hand phased into his neck in a lethal threat.

"Nobody shoots no one and no bloody dog explodes!" She demanded.

Everyone in the auditorium hold their breath together. Bruce seemed to be having fun. Yelena and John remained on the ground watching everything in anticipation. Ava had declared a temporary negotiating time, but for how long?

Suddenly breaking the absolute silence the auditorium was emerged in music started to come out of the speakers on the wall. Even the criminals looked around confused to the sound of "U can't touch this". When MC Hammer sang the iconic 'Hammer time!' the exit door exploded and among the smoke Justin Hammer emerged with a shield, three tasers, a shotgun and bunch of flash grenades. He took his right hand to the sky to show his car keys in triumph.

"He went out to get our stuff from the car trunk." John said in denial.

"Fucking Hammer!" Yelena screamed again (with a smile this time) before running to his direction. John came right after.

The criminals started shooting at Justin, who jumped to the ground scattering everything he brought with him. Ava let go of her human shield and disappeared. Yelena grabbed her tasers and John grabbed his shield. They both got up ready for action. The criminals started shooting and John instinctively projected the shield in front of them while Yelena got closer to him.

"Hey, it even looks like we rehearsed it!" Yelena said, smiling.

John also gave her a smile. Without realizing it he offered his arm for a forearm pump like he used to do with an old friend. Yelena forearm pumped him and jumped back into action. John smiled even brighter.

What happens next is just incredible. John's shield ricochet's throughout the whole auditorium at his will. Ava phases through and disarms everyone fast. Even with no powers Yelena runs around quickly dodging bullets and immobilizing the criminals. Justin cheered for them just alright. But he also turned off the robot dogs and used some of the flash grenades when necessary.

At the end of the showdown all the criminals were gathered at the podium. Bruce scrubbed his hands with a pride smile as if he did something at all. The gesture clarified that the threat was indeed neutralized so all the people in the crowd got up and started clapping at them. Justin waved his hands with a bright smile.

"Come on guys, it's the least we could do."

"What is happening?" Ava grabbed her arms is a slight self hug.

"Don't you see?" Hulk whispered to her, "You're the heroes!"

The sentence made John move his shoulders awkwardly. We are the heroes!, He whispered to himself. Yelena giggled because she totally heard that. She grabbed one of John's hands and one of Ava's hands and curved to the crowd as if they were actors in a play. Ava and John looked at each other and decided to bound as well. The cheers went louder.

The Contessa finally came back. She looked worried.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"We are the heroes, Val!" Justin winked at her before grabbing John's shield and bound as well.

[itsadamcole]

graduation day pt.2

fem!reader x finn balor

It’s been two months since reader graduated college. Her and Finn’s new relationship is going strong. She’s applied for a position as teacher’s assistant at the college she graduated from so she has a reason to continue living nearby to be with Finn. The two decide to keep their relationship on the down low since he is her former professor. She finds out that it’s not easy to keep a relationship on the down low, especially when she finds out the teacher she is assisting is the woman that has had a thing for Finn for the longest time .... “you are so fucking hot when you’re jealous”

word count: 3.6k+

warnings: a former teacher/former student relationship, angst, smut

— here’s part 2 of “graduation day” that probably no one wanted. enjoy —

masterlist || part 1 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 ||request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

You’re getting ready for your first day of work when your phone begins to ring. You see that “finn ♡” has popped up. You answer right away.

“Look who it is,” you say, smiling as you brush out your Y/H/C hair before tying the natural waves up in a high ponytail. “I was just thinking about you.”

Your new boyfriend laughs over the phone and says, “I can only imagine what was goin’ through that pretty little head of yours. Anyway, have ya found out who ya are assigned to assist?”

As Finn talks through the phone, you put on your outfit for the day. When he’s done speaking, you say, “Not yet. I report to the English department head.” I did request to be put in the English department so there’s more of a chance that I’ll be put with you.”

The outfit you’re wearing today consists of a simple short sleeved black dress with converse black and white sneakers.

Finn says, “Well, stop my my office when ya get assigned. Maybe I can tell ya a little about the teacher ya were assigned to so ya know what to expect.”

You add some light makeup to your look as you say, “I will. I have to get to the school so I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Alright,” Finn says. “See ya in a bit.”

The two of you say your goodbyes. You gather your things, including phone, wallet, and little backpack in case you’re assigned to grade something.

It’s 7:30 in the morning. You woke up an hour ago to shower and get dressed. You don’t have to be at school until eight but you want to grab coffee from Dunkin.

You get into your car, throwing your things in the back.

The past two months have been anything but ordinary for you. Since graduation day, you and Finn have been attached at the hip. You're always at his place or he's over at yours. The new relationship between the two of you has needed some getting used to.

He convinced you to stay nearby by getting a job as teacher's assistant. You're getting paid a decent amount too because it's a private college. It was this or go home to New York, which would be over a thousand miles away. You were not interested in leaving Finn this soon. So you applied for the job.

Once you got hired, Finn told you that he wanted to keep the new romance between the two of you a secret. You immediately agreed. Finn's well known among the teachers and students and you had some friends in the grade below you. It wouldn't look good if it came out that you and Finn were in a relationship.

He's your former professor. You're his former student. You only graduated almost three months ago.

There's also an almost seventeen year age difference between you and Finn. You turn 23 in a few months and Finn is 39. Neither you or Finn care about the age gap. It just wouldn't look very good for either of you if the relationship between the two of you was public.

You think about the past two almost three months in the short ride to Dunkin. You go through drive-thru to get your coffee and two donuts.

A medium mocha iced coffee with some cream, sugar, and some extra mocha to make it a little more sweet. You get two glazed donuts to eat on the way to school.

You and Finn both embraced the change of relationship. You went from teacher and student to lovers. Some would find it weird, especially with the age gap, but it never bothered you or him. Finn definitely still moves like he’s in his 20s and not about to hit is 40s.

When you arrive at school, you remember the last time you were here. You pulled up almost three months ago to confess your feelings to your teacher before proceeding to sleep with him in his office. It was the best sex of your life. The few times you've had sex since have been good, but nothing compared to what happened in the office on graduation day.

You pull into a spot in the teacher's parking lot. You park in the back of the lot. Once parked, you reach back and grab your things out of the backseat before getting out of the car. You secure the backpack on your shoulders before walking toward the English building, half drank iced coffee in hand.

The campus has teachers and students roaming around. It's almost eight in the morning. You're sure a few classes have begun by now.

You take the elevator to the fourth floor, walking down the hallway. You pass Finn's office, which is only a few doors down from the head of the English department.

Once you're outside the department head's door, you knock four times then wait.

An older man, probably late 50s or early 60s, answers the door. He's dressed very professional.

"Ah, Miss L/N," he says. "I've been expecting you. Please, come in."

You give him a kind smile before walking into the larger office. You're not surprised it's a big office. He is the department head.

The name plate on his door said "Dr. Dennis Hart PhD. Head of English Department". You sit across from Dr. Hart at his desk.

Dr. Hart says, "It's always wonderful to see former students getting a job here at the school. You did phenomenal in your English classes over the last four years so this department is lucky to have you."

You give a little laugh and say, "I'm just giving back to the school that gave me an amazing college experience. It's good to be back."

The older man smiles and says, "Now. The teacher I've assigned you to is Miss Veronica Rodriguez. She's a wonderful teacher and has been teaching here for five years. She teaches 407 English to seniors and her classroom is right below us, next to Mr. Balor's classroom. I saw you had him last year for English."

You nod and say, "I did. How is Mr. Balor? He was one of my favorite teachers and I never got to say goodbye and thank you to him."

When you and Finn agreed to keep your relationship on the down low, you both also agreed to act like you haven't seen each other since graduation day to throw off any suspicions.

Dr. Hart says, "He's been good. Very excited to be coming back for his tenth year of teaching."

"Ten years, wow," you say, almost shocked. Almost. "That's a long time. I didn't even think he was old enough to be teaching ten years."

The older gentlemen laughs and says, "He's older than you probably thought. Alright, class begins in about fifteen minutes so head on down and introduce yourself to Miss Rodriguez before class begins."

You nod and thank Dr. Hart before leaving the room. You walk down the hallway, checking to make sure no one is behind you before you slip into Finn's now open office. He sits at his desk.

"Hey," Finn says, facial expression brightening when he sees you. "How'd it go? Who ya assisting for the semester?"

You sit across from Finn at his desk and say, "Veronica Rodriguez. You know anything about her?"

Finn blinks at you before he says, "She's been up my butt for years. She's had a thing for me since she started teaching here and it's not a secret either. It's also not a secret that I've been rejecting her over and over again. She's a good teacher. She just needs to leave me alone."

You raise your eyebrows and say, "Wow. Well, don't worry. I'll do everything I can to keep her away from you."

He smiles and you look at the time. Ten minutes before class. You stand up and say, "Well, I've got to go to class. Are we meeting up for lunch here?"

Finn nods and says, "Of course. I'll see ya then."

You smile and lean over the desk, pressing a very light kiss to Finn's lips before leaving the room.

You head downstairs, walking to the classroom.

When you reach your destination, you knock on the door before opening it.

Miss Rodriguez is a younger woman. She's probably early or mid 30s and she's beautiful.

She looks at you and says, "You must be Y/N L/N. Dennis told me I'd be getting a teacher's assistant this semester and he told me you were a former student."

You nod and say, "That's me, and yes I am. I graduated in May." It's now mid-August.

Miss Rodriguez says, "Well, it's nice to meet you. You can call me Veronica or Ver, whichever you like. You don't need to be formal with me since we're co-workers."

You give her a nice smile. She seems like a very nice person. She tells you the schedule of her classes. Two classes on Monday and Thursdays. One class on Tuesdays, three on Wednesdays, none on Friday, and a late night class on Saturday. The only very early classes are on Monday and Thursday at 8:20 in the morning.

As students start trickling in, Veronica says, "I teach seniors who aren't very awake this early. This can be a little tricky sometimes but you'll get the hang of it. When I'm out sick or visiting family, I'd like you to come in and just assign some work then you can dismiss the class."

You nod.

Right as Veronica begins class, you look over at the doorway to see Finn standing there. You try not to have a reaction as Veronica notices. "Mr. Balor," she says. "Nice to see you. How was your summer?"

Finn says, "Eventful." You have to cover your smile. "How was your summer, Ver."

"A little less eventful," she says. "I stayed in most of the time, reading books. Um, why didn't you return my calls?"

You raise your eyebrows a bit and Finn glances at you before he says, "Like I said, my summer was very eventful. I apologize."

Veronica says, "Well maybe we can just skip over the phone calls and you can take me out to dinner."

Jealousy hits you like a truck. You want to say something but you know you can't. All you can do is bite your lip to stay quiet.

Finn gives a breathy laugh and he says, "After class we'll talk. Oh, and Y/N?" You look at him. "Nice to see that ya keep gnawing on that lip of yours. I'd stop doing that before ya cut it open."

He said that to you on graduation day. Your face heats up a little bit and let your lip snap back into place.

The door to the classroom closes and class begins.

***

After class ends, you make your way up to Finn's office. He's still in class so you sit in the spiny chair behind his desk.

Several minutes pass before you hear his voice outside. Not only his voice but Veronica's too. You hide under Finn's desk as the two walk into the room.

"... didn't tell me no in front of my students," Veronica is saying. "I'm thankful for that."

Finn says, "I've told ya no many times. I'm not interested in ya, Ver. You're a nice woman, and I'd even say attractive, but I'm not interested."

Veronica is quiet before she says, "Is it because of a wife? Or a girlfriend? Because I don't care about that, Finny. You know this"

"Get out of my office, Ver," Finn sighs, clearly annoyed. "Now."

You hear someone leave and peek out to see only Finn in the room. He looks over and sees you peeking out from over the desk.

He says, "Ya can come out, Y/N."

Slowly, you make your way out from under the desk and walk up to Finn. "I don't like how she can openly flirt with you," you say, pouting.

Finn's hands intertwine with yours and he says, "I'm all yours, my princess."

You pout some more and say, "It's not fair, Finn."

He says, "Relax, Y/N. I have no interest in her whatsoever. It's only you." He presses light kisses to your cheek and you look at Finn. His light kisses make their way to your neck, making you sigh.

"We are not doing this in your office again," you gasp as Finn grips your thighs right under your butt.

He smiles against your neck and says, “I never said we would, love.”

You giggle and say, “Come by my place when you get off work and we can do that there.”

Finn says, “I’ll definitely be there at four then.” You smile and nod before pecking his lips.

“I should head down to the classroom to make sure everything’s okay,” you say. “I’ll come back at lunch.”

He nods and says, “I’ll see ya in a few hours. Maybe I’ll come check on ya to make sure ya are okay.”

You smile and say, “If you hear yelling coming from my classroom then you should come running because I might be about to kill Veronica.”

Finn laughs and says, “Don’t kill her, Y/N. Please.”

You peck Finn’s lips before leaving the classroom.

Veronica dumps a little work for you to do. Just to make sure that everyone did the in-class assignment and to mark people who didn’t.

Noon hits and you go to the cafeteria to grab your lunch. You are in line when someone comes up behind you. You glance behind you to see Finn.

“Y/N,” he says. “Good to see ya again. How was your summer?”

You nod and say, “Good. Very eventful. How was yours, Mr. Balor?”

Finn says, “Also eventful. How about ya come by my office and have lunch with me so we can catch up?”

As you grab your lunch, you nod and say, “That sounds good.”

Finn laughs softly as the two of you grab your lunch. You pay and Finn pays before the two of you head to the office.

You walk into the office and Finn closes the door behind you. You sigh and sit at Finn’s desk. You begin to eat and Finn says, “I can’t wait for this day to be over.”

“I agree,” you say, swallowing the bite of your veggie burger.

The door opens and Veronica walks in. She says, “We usually have lunch together, Finny.” She sounds like a child and it annoys you.

Finn has a look on his face and he says, “We had lunch together one time, Ver.”

Veronica says, “It’s a little inappropriate to have lunch with a former student.”

“We’re catching up,” Finn says. “And she works in the department now. She’s a co-worker now.”

You look back at Veronica and you say, “You know what’s actually inappropriate? Begging someone to go out with you when said someone isn’t interested.”

Finn’s eyes widen and Veronica says, “Excuse me. That’s no way to speak to me. I can have your job.”

You smirk and say, “Go ahead. Try to take my job, but imagine what would happen if I went to your superior and told them that you harass Mr. Balor here.”

Veronica says, “Dr. Hart spoke so highly of you and you are not what I expected.”

“Yeah, well, I can tell that Mr. Balor is tired of your shit and he’s too nice to say anything about it so I will,” you say, turning in your seat to face Veronica. “I’m telling you now because he won’t. Back off of him.”

She looks taken aback by my comment. Her jaw is almost to the floor and Finn’s hiding a smile behind his hands.

Veronica says, “Keep speaking to me in that matter and I’ll make your life hell for the semester.”

A comeback immediately comes into your head as you say, “It’s already hell because I’m assigned to you.”

Veronica has a pissed off look on her face and she says, “Whatever.” She leaves the office and you look at Finn. He’s looking right at you.

“Ya are so fucking hot when you’re jealous and telling someone off,” he says.

You giggle and say, “Relax Finny Boy. A few more hours then you can do whatever you want to me.”

“Oh, I plan on doing whatever I want to ya,” he says, smirking at me.

***

You get back to your apartment at 3:30. Finn won’t be here for a half hour so you decide to get into something a little sexier than this plain black dress.

You put on a white lacy bodysuit. The whole thing is a little bit see through and the neck dips down low, exposing your cleavage. You keep your hair up and lay across the bed, laying on your side and facing the door.

Finn has a key. You gave him the extra key you had so he can walk into the apartment whenever he wants to. He’s only scared you once and he learned his lesson.

At four on the dot, the front door to your apartment opens and you hear Finn call, “Y/N?”

“Bedroom,” you call back.

The door is open and several seconds later, Finn appears in the doorway. His neatly tied tie now hangs draped over his neck and the first few buttons on his shirt are now unbuttoned.

His eyes darken with lust when he sees what you’re wearing.

“Like something you see, Finn?” you tease.

He nods and he keeps staring at you. You get off the bed and you walk up to Finn.

You hook your fingers in the belt hooks of Finn’s pants and look up at him. You say, “You’re mine, Finn. All mine.”

Finn echos, “All yours, my love.”

You smirk and say, “Good. Now fuck me until I can’t walk.”

That’s all Finn needs to hear before he picks you up by your thighs and walks you over to the bed. His lips are on your neck as he walks over to your bed. You gasp and giggle.

He drops you on your back on the bed and kicks off his shoes while starting to unbutton his pants.

You bite your lip gently as Finn undresses himself in front of you. Your eyes trace every muscle on his body.

Finn’s down to his boxers when he crawls on top of you, hovering over you between your legs. His lips crash to yours and they move harshly. You move your hips so your crotch rubs against Finn’s bulge. He lets out a low groan into the kiss then pins your hips to the bed. “I don’t think so, love,” he says, pulling away from the rough kiss. Ya told me to fuck ya until ya can’t walk so no teasing.”

You pout as Finn gets on his knees between your legs. His fingers hook onto the straps of your lingerie and he pulls the piece down until your naked as the day you were born.

Finn smirks as he admires your body. His hands roam a bit and you smile, watching his hands. They dip below your waist and his fingers run through your folds. You gasp as Finn pushes two fingers into you.

“Oh, Finn,” you sigh. He moves his fingers hard into you, scissoring you open. Your gasps and moans fill the room. You grab onto the silky bedsheets.

Finn move his fingers in and out of you roughly and quickly for a few moments before he pulls them out. You whine and look at Finn.

“Patience, my love,” he says, pulling off his boxers so his erect member is free. You reach out for it and Finn pins your wrists to the bed.

Finn leans down and says in your ear, “Tonight’s about ya, love. I’m gonna make sure ya know that I belong to ya and ya only.”

As soon as he’s done talking, he pushes himself into you. You moan softly and you put your hand on Finn’s biceps. As he begins to thrust into you, you dig your fingers into Finn’s arm.

Finn’s hands are on either side of your head, propping himself up. Your legs are wrapped securely around Finn’s waist as he moves hard and deep into you. His forehead rests on yours.

He moves roughly but almost in a careful way. He’s never moved like this before.

You slide your hands to Finn’s cheeks as he moves. You kiss his lips slowly, moaning as his thrusts get faster.

After a second, you roll and straddle Finn’s waist. You lower yourself onto his member and move your hips. His hands are on your waist, helping you move your hips.

“I’m yours,” Finn moans. “All yours, Y/N.”

You echo, “All mine.” You ride Finn like you never have before. You move like he moved. Roughly but carefully.

Finn sighs, “Come with me, princess.”

You nod and Finn counts down from three. Both of you come together, like the first time the two of you had sex in Finn’s office. You moan and cry out as you release around Finn. He groans as he releases his seed into you.

You roll off Finn and lay beside Finn.

As you both lay on the bed beside each other, you say, “That felt different but a good different.”

He laughs softly and says, “It did. It felt really good. I loved it.”

“And I love you,” you suddenly blurt out. You quickly cover your mouth and look at Finn.

The Irishman smiles and he leans over, kissing your neck softly. He mumbles by your ear, “I love ya too.”

[madamlaydebug]

Toni Morrison (born Chloe Ardelia Wofford; February 18, 1931) is an American novelist, editor, and Professor Emeritus at Princeton University. Her novels are known for their epic themes, vivid dialogue, and richly detailed characters. Among her best known novels are The Bluest Eye (1970), Sula (1973), Song of Solomon (1977), and Beloved (1987).

Morrison won the Pulitzer Prize and the American Book Award in 1988 for Beloved. Beloved was adapted into a film of the same name (starring Oprah Winfrey and Danny Glover) in 1998. Morrison was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1993. In 1996, the National Endowment for the Humanities selected her for the Jefferson Lecture, the U.S. federal government's highest honor for achievement in the humanities. She was honored with the 1996 National Book Foundation's Medal of Distinguished Contribution to American Letters. Morrison was commissioned to write the libretto for a new opera, Margaret Garner, first performed in 2005. On May 29, 2012, Morrison received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. In 2016 Morrison received the PEN/Saul Bellow Award for Achievement in American Fiction.

Toni Morrison was born in Lorain, Ohio, to Ramah (née Willis) and George Wofford. She is the second of four children in a working-class family. Her parents moved to Ohio to escape southern racism and instilled a sense of heritage through telling traditional African American folktales. She read frequently as a child; among her favorite authors were Jane Austen and Leo Tolstoy. She became a Catholic at the age of 12 and received the baptismal name "Anthony", which later became the basis for her nickname "Toni".

In 1949 Morrison enrolled at Howard University. She graduated in 1953 with a B.A. in English, and earned a Master of Arts from Cornell University in 1955. Her Master's thesis was Virginia Woolf's and William Faulkner's Treatment of the Alienated. She taught English, first at Texas Southern University in Houston for two years, then at Howard for seven years. While teaching at Howard, she met Harold Morrison, a Jamaican architect, whom she married in 1958. The couple had two children and divorced in 1964. After the breakup of her marriage, she began working as an editor in 1965 for a textbook publisher in Syracuse, going on two years later to Random House in New York City, where she became a senior trade-book editor. In that capacity, Morrison played a vital role in bringing black literature into the mainstream, editing books by authors such as Henry Dumas, Toni Cade Bambara, Angela Davis, and Gayl Jones.

Morrison began writing fiction as part of an informal group of poets and writers at Howard University who met to discuss their work. She attended one meeting with a short story about a black girl who longed to have blue eyes. She later developed the story as her first novel, The Bluest Eye (1970). She wrote it while raising two children and teaching at Howard.

In 1975 her novel Sula (1973) was nominated for the National Book Award. Her third novel, Song of Solomon (1977), brought her national attention. The book was a main selection of the Book of the Month Club, the first novel by a black writer to be so chosen since Richard Wright's Native Son in 1940. Song of Solomon won the National Book Critics Circle Award.

In 1987 Morrison's novel Beloved, inspired by the true story of runaway slave Margaret Garner, became a critical success. When the novel failed to win the National Book Award as well as the National Book Critics Circle Award, 48 black critics and writers protested the omission in a statement that was published in The New York Times on January 24, 1988. Not long afterwards, Beloved won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction and the American Book Award. It also won an Anisfield-Wolf Book Award. That same year, Morrison took a visiting professorship at Bard College.

Beloved was adapted into the 1998 film of the same name starring Oprah Winfrey and Danny Glover. Morrison later returned to Garner's life story in the libretto for a new opera, Margaret Garner, with music by Richard Danielpour. In May 2006, The New York Times Book Review named Beloved the best American novel published in the previous 25 years. In 1993 Morrison was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature. Her citation reads: Toni Morrison, "who in novels characterized by visionary force and poetic import, gives life to an essential aspect of American reality." Shortly afterward, a fire destroyed her Rockland County, New York home.

In 1996 the National Endowment for the Humanities selected Morrison for the Jefferson Lecture, the U.S. federal government's highest honor for achievement in the humanities. Morrison's lecture, entitled "The Future of Time: Literature and Diminished Expectations," began with the aphorism, "Time, it seems, has no future." She cautioned against the misuse of history to diminish expectations of the future.

Morrison was honored with the 1996 National Book Foundation's Medal of Distinguished Contribution to American Letters, which is awarded to a writer "who has enriched our literary heritage over a life of service, or a corpus of work."

In 2000, The Bluest Eye was chosen as a selection for Oprah's Book Club.

In addition to her novels, Morrison has written books for children with her younger son, Slade Morrison, who worked as a painter and musician. Slade died of pancreatic cancer on December 22, 2010, aged 45. Morrison's novel Home, half-written when Slade died, is dedicated to him.

Her 11th novel, entitled God Help the Child, was published 2015.

Although her novels typically concentrate on black women, Morrison does not identify her works as feminist. When asked in a 1998 interview "Why distance oneself from feminism?" she replied: "In order to be as free as I possibly can, in my own imagination, I can't take positions that are closed. Everything I've ever done, in the writing world, has been to expand articulation, rather than to close it, to open doors, sometimes, not even closing the book – leaving the endings open for reinterpretation, revisitation, a little ambiguity." She went on to state that she thought it "off-putting to some readers, who may feel that I'm involved in writing some kind of feminist tract. I don't subscribe to patriarchy, and I don't think it should be substituted with matriarchy. I think it's a question of equitable access, and opening doors to all sorts of things." Critics, however, have referred to her body of work as exemplifying characteristics of "postmodern feminism" by "altering Euro-American dichotomies by rewriting a history written by mainstream historians" and by her usage of shifting narration in Beloved and Paradise.

Morrison taught English at two branches of the State University of New York and at Rutgers University: New Brunswick Campus. In 1984 she was appointed to an Albert Schweitzer chair at the University at Albany, The State University of New York. From 1989 until her retirement in 2006, Morrison held the Robert F. Goheen Chair in the Humanities at Princeton University.

Though based in the Creative Writing Program at Princeton, Morrison did not regularly offer writing workshops to students after the late 1990s, a fact that earned her some criticism. Rather, she has conceived and developed the prestigious Princeton Atelier, a program that brings together talented students with critically acclaimed, world-famous artists. Together the students and the artists produce works of art that are presented to the public after a semester of collaboration. In her position at Princeton, Morrison used her insights to encourage not merely new and emerging writers, but artists working to develop new forms of art through interdisciplinary play and cooperation.

At its 1979 commencement ceremonies, Barnard College awarded her its highest honor, the Barnard Medal of Distinction. Oxford University awarded her an honorary Doctor of Letters degree in June 2005.

In November 2006, Morrison visited the Louvre Museum in Paris as the second in its "Grand Invité" program to guest-curate a month-long series of events across the arts on the theme of "The Foreigner's Home." Inspired by her curatorship, Morrison returned to Princeton in Fall 2008 to lead a small seminar, also entitled "The Foreigner's Home." Also that year, The New York Times Book Review named Beloved the best novel of the past 25 years. She continued to explore new art forms, writing the libretto for Margaret Garner, an American opera that explores the tragedy of slavery through the true life story of one woman's experiences. The opera debuted at the New York City Opera in 2007.

In May 2010, Morrison appeared at PEN World Voices for a conversation with Marlene van Niekerk and Kwame Anthony Appiah about South African literature, and specifically, van Niekerk's novel Agaat.

In May 2011, Morrison received an Honorary Doctor of Letters Degree from Rutgers University during commencement where she delivered a speech of the "pursuit of life, liberty, meaningfulness, integrity, and truth."

In March 2012, Morrison established a residency at Oberlin College. In addition to Home, Morrison also debuted another work in 2012: She worked with opera director Peter Sellars and songwriter Rokia Traoré on a new production inspired by William Shakespeare's Othello. The trio focused on the relationship between Othello's wife Desdemona and her African nurse, Barbary, in Desdemona, which premiered in London in the summer of 2012.

She is currently a member of the editorial board of The Nation magazine.

In writing about the 1998 impeachment of Bill Clinton, Morrison wrote that, since Whitewater, Bill Clinton had been mistreated because of his "Blackness":

Years ago, in the middle of the Whitewater investigation, one heard the first murmurs: white skin notwithstanding, this is our first black President. Blacker than any actual black person who could ever be elected in our children's lifetime. After all, Clinton displays almost every trope of blackness: single-parent household, born poor, working-class, saxophone-playing, McDonald's-and-junk-food-loving boy from Arkansas.

The phrase "our first Black president" was adopted as a positive by Bill Clinton supporters. When the Congressional Black Caucus honored the former president at its dinner in Washington D.C. on September 29, 2001, for instance, Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-TX), the chair, told the audience that Clinton "took so many initiatives he made us think for a while we had elected the first black president."

In the context of the 2008 Democratic Primary campaign, Morrison stated to Time magazine: "People misunderstood that phrase. I was deploring the way in which President Clinton was being treated, vis-à-vis the sex scandal that was surrounding him. I said he was being treated like a black on the street, already guilty, already a perp. I have no idea what his real instincts are, in terms of race." In the Democratic primary contest for the 2008 presidential race, Morrison endorsed Senator Barack Obama over Senator Hillary Clinton, though expressing admiration and respect for the latter.

In April 2015, speaking of the deaths of Michael Brown, Eric Garner, and Walter Scott—three unarmed black men killed by white police officers—Morrison said "People keep saying, 'We need to have a conversation about race.' This is the conversation. I want to see a cop shoot a white unarmed teenager in the back. And I want to see a white man convicted for raping a black woman. Then when you ask me, 'Is it over?', I will say yes."

Toni Morrison was the subject of a film entitled Imagine – Toni Morrison Remembers, directed by Jill Nicholls and shown on BBC1 television on July 15, 2015, in which Morrison talked to Alan Yentob about her life and work.

Morrison's papers are part of the permanent library collections of Princeton University. Morrison's decision to add her papers to Princeton instead of her alma mater Howard University was criticized by some within the historically black colleges and universities community.

[thebutlers]

I'm back!

I love writing and I've been missing the feeling of getting my thoughts out on paper, or in this case, the internet. So hello, I'm back!

The last time I wrote on this blog was in February and now it's September. A lot has happened since then. Makoto and I left Circuit Riders, moved from California to Colorado, started jobs, had a baby, and now have taken on the position of pioneering a whole new chapter of YWAM Denver as its campus leaders.

I have a lot of thoughts that have been flowing through my mind over the last six months. Having a baby and journeying through grief changes you as a person. Some parts of you shine brighter, some parts grow dim, and some parts appear out of nowhere. I have enjoyed getting to process life below the public's radar; it's helped me be more confident in who I am as I start to be more active on social media platforms again.

So what thoughts have I been thinking, you may be wondering...let me tell you!

Baby steps are good. Grief and motherhood sometimes makes you feel like you're out of control. The way you manage your time and what you're capable of doing in a day totally changes. At first, I felt super discouraged that things took way longer or that my mental capacity had shrunk. But it has allowed me to appreciate baby steps. I give myself way more grace now than I did before. Everything I want to get done in a day may not happen, but I accomplished at least a few things. Even if that was just regulating my grief and keeping my baby happy and safe.

Don't plan too far in advance and be flexible. I used to have so many goals and plans for my life. I was always thinking ahead. But I've learned that it's best to think short term. Don't get me wrong; if you're wanting to buy a house in the future, you'll need to plan how to save money for a down payment, maybe put in more hours at work, research locations and things you want in a house that fit within your budget. There is importance to long term thinking. But often times God will present something to us that wasn't on our radar and if we're too rigid in our idea of how life should look, we could miss out on something really special.

Life is in the little moments. I use to be a big bucket list person. Every new season, every new year, every new birthday I'd make a bucket list of ideas I wanted to accomplish. Go to this place. Do this activity. Change this behavior. But since having our son, I've learned the magic I'm looking for is literally in the smallest moments. Giving our son a bath and seeing him splash the water with joy, going on a walk and watching how the sun hits the trees, making a cup of coffee and realizing how complex the flavors are. I was so busy looking for the next big accomplishment that I was missing how special the little moments were.

Express yourself. I used to be very self reliant and hated conflict; to the point where I'd intentionally lose board games because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by playing to win the game. Or if a group of us were planning a night out, I wouldn't express my opinion because I wanted other people to be happy. But I'm learning that it's okay to say what you want and to do things that bring you joy. If you don't want to do something, it's okay to pass on the opportunity. If you are hurt by something, it's okay to let the person know. I feel like I've been learning how to express myself in a healthy way so that I don't end up resentful.

So there ya have it; a few things I'm learning right now. I hope you're learning things about yourself and figuring out how to really live this life. It's crazy that we only have this one life and we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. I pray that I can live each day to the fullest, focusing on what really matters and I hope that you will feel that way too.

Until next time,

Danielle

[calespsychoticbubble]

25 in moments

August 2021: making up for lost time, celebrating my birthday with friends and family for the first time in two years

September 2021: new job means new beginnings, building deeper friendships, eating together with a new group of friends

October 2021: first "Friendsgiving" at church

November 2021: packing in preparation for moving, long term visit from Mom, stress from packing and preparing to move

December 2021: moving with help from parents and friends, celebrating Christmas away from home, celebrating Christmas with new friends, meeting an online friend in real life, ringing in the new year with new friends

January 2022: homemade matcha lattes, Omicron scare

February 2022: skating, work events

March 2022: day trip with friends, spring break, attending a piano recital, stressful anticipation returning to work, a warm embrace

April 2022: Good Friday service and brunch, Easter Sunday serving and pictures, swimming by myself, revisiting campus

May 2022: a new friend's birthday, shopping with a new friend, taking time off to rest, swimming with a friend, exploring a new part of the city

June 2022: finishing another year of work, getting support from friends, sewing birthday gifts, meeting friends for a walk and dinner, double ice cream

July 2022: hanging out with colleagues, seeing friends before leaving, fancy brunch and dressing up, a confession, first time BBQ-ing, finishing a long-term movie watching plan, farewell/see-you-soon hugs, reunions

God has provided for me and guided me in so many ways this year. God provided me with a job and guided me through each day. As someone who is still new to their profession and new to their position, it really was a big learning experience. God helped me navigate my relationships with my colleagues and my students. There are days that I wonder how I survived or why something went so well and I really do believe God was there in every moment.

God provided me with not just one, but two, Christian communities that I really care about. He worked in my heart to join a community group this year at my church after taking almost three years off from them. After leaving my previous church, I was very wary about church people approaching me. I felt like the pastors were not necessarily friendly because they cared about me, but because that is their job (which is almost never true). I still feel a bit wary of others at church, but attending community group has confronted a lot of my preconceived notions from my previous experience. I learned that I can trust church people and that they actually adhere to the expectations of a community group. I learned that people can be authentic in a community group and that not everyone is concerned with presenting as a good person. I really am grateful that I was able to be a part of a group of people and just live our Christian walks together.

And with my other group, we've been spending time together for over a year now. They're probably my closest friends in the city and I really appreciate the time we spend together. We get together once a week (virtually) and it's made me feel like I'm still connected even when I'm away, like I'm not forgotten.

One thing I wanted was a Christian community, and after this year, I do think I've found it. It's still new and growing, but it's a good start. Another thing was having a good Christian female friend. I had a few back home, but I have often struggled with female friendships. Whether that was because of the idea of competition, or jealousy, insecurity, or misunderstanding, making female friends hasn't come easily to me. So to have a Christian female friend has been such a blessing.

Within this past year of life I also experienced some good time with God. In September, during an evening sermon, I felt this sense of peace, like a weight had lifted off me. It felt like God was saying that my time of suffering (from the breakup) was over and that I could put it behind me. At that point, a year later, I was able to put the breakup behind me and accept it. Did I still have some tough days afterwards because of the breakup? Yeah. But it was no longer like a cloud that hung above my head or a rock in my heart. It was finally settled.

I also spent a lot of time in prayer, just talking with God about anything and everything. I find that after the breakup, I approach God in a more casual manner with more vulnerability. If I'm distracted while doing devotions for whatever reason, I'll talk with God about it. If I have something on my mind, I bring it to God. I've also taken to taking a few minutes in my day at work to talk to God when I have something on my mind. Devotions have also been going pretty well. It's time well-spent with God each morning. I haven't been able to do it every day, but most days I'm able to focus and find time.

And with that time, I spent a lot of it seeking God's will for my life. I think I will be spending a long while where I am now, just based on work alone. My job has no end date, so potentially I could be there for many years to come. And depending on how the next couple months go, there may be many other reasons to be staying where I am.

I learned a lot about coming back to God and working on having an authentic relationship with Him. I learned about being a young person and what it means to really live. Every year I think I have it figured out, and every year I am confronted with new ideas of what it means to be alive. As a person who has often wished to not exist (but I would never kill myself, moreso the idea of disappearing from my life), I find it amazing how much God has changed my heart to want to be present each day.

As I go into this next year of my life, I am looking forward to seeing what else God has in store for me. What will my job look like? How will my relationships with other grow? How will I be challenged, both as a person and as a teacher? I know that life is not always smooth, so I hope for a year that will be guided by God and whatever His plan is for me.

[thisnerdsadventures]

a summer to remember

hello friends, i definitely just abandoned this whole blog, now didn't i

well i am happy to report that i am still alive, and am thriving!

Here's a rundown of everything that has been going on:

[inserting a readmore because this is long af]

May

So in May, I was definitely just all over the place because I was 1) trying to finish a paper published in a conference!! it literally drove me insane. anyways, then i had to go and finish a 78 page thesis, which involved a really convoluted timeline because i had to finish it ~ a week before the actual deadline so my PI could read it over, but then i had to finish it a few days before THAT so my PhD supervisors could read it over, which meant that i had like one (1) week to write like. all of it.

Luckily I had most of the first half already written, during whatever shitshow April was (April was a lot of coding for the paper, and then not having time to write my thesis). But THEN i had to organize all the data from my own personal experiments, make figures, and draft the entire results section. AND i had like two final reports to do for my class, so my last weeks of academia looked like....

Of course, the day before my thesis was due, I pulled an all nighter, because, of course. What other way would I ever end my academic career. Submitted it though, and I graduated! [LINK TO MY THESIS]

Also! I got vaccinated and felt like death for a whole day, but then my friend came over and we ate fried chicken and watched this show called Miraculous, which is a kids show from France, but for some reason is actually hilarious and really entertaining. Then I felt better, so I proceeded to work on my thesis.

Also, I guess I should talk a little bit about the class I took this semester, which was an industrial organization economics class. We looked at things like how different markets are organized, why they are that way, what market concentration means, how mergers affect competition, and what kind of effect that may impose on consumers. For the final case study (which, I will say, I wrote like 2000 words in a single day, so . applause for me), I looked at the Nvidia-ARM merger and how that may or may not affect competition in the GPU market, the CPU market, and the mobile chip market. I think my analysis was a little bit more surface level, which was fine for me, since I'm by no means an economics expert or even remotely should have any expectations at all, but I read a lot and learned a lot and that's the goal!

So yes, my brief excursion into the field of economics was overall positive, I feel like I learned a lot and now I can read financial articles about the tech industry and not be completely lost, which, again, was the goal.

But yes, May was a lot of work, and once it wrapped up, I got to spend a lot of time with friends post-vaccination! After the 1 or 2 week mark after my second dose, I started going back to the gym, especially to play basketball with folks, which I had missed a lot. I spent a lot of time at my old dorm just hanging out, and got to have a cute salmon dinner over at my other friend's place. And we made cheesecake too.

June (MA->NY->MA->CA)

I finally went to visit my best friend in New York. I hadn't seen her in > 400 days, so it was really a very anticipated event, except we saw each other across the crosswalk, but then the light took like five minutes to turn green, so it was really anticlimactic. Anyways, we ended up bumming around New York and Long Island for a week, and it was nice to spend some time with her after such a long gap.

We spent a day at a vineyard and I fell asleep so

After getting back to Boston, my mom came back from Taiwan to help me move out of my apartment. It was a lot of finding people to sell things to, sweating because it was very hot that week, and praying everything would work out (it did). I also got to have a few final meals with various friends and my mom and I got to take one last lark down the Infinite, which I was really grateful for because it was the first time visitors got to go inside campus in over a year.

Also got into my school's MBA program! Yes i applied to a deferred program (which is like you get into a program, but you don't have to go for 2-5 years, as a way of getting in right after undergrad/grad school, but then accumulating some work experience first). It was hilarious, I was literally shopping in my campus store for a new sweatshirt and I got a phone call from the admissions office saying I got in. My mom had been pushing me to apply to grad programs, and I didn't tell her about it because I didn't know if I would actually follow through. But I got to surprise her with the news, and she was so happy she did the whole "calling all the relatives" thing again.

After flying home, I told myself I'd read more and exercise more, which I have been doing. I got a membership at Planet Fitness, which has been really good for me (going 3x a week), and I've made my way through at least 5 books this summer so far. My holds list at my local library is literally insane. (For recs, I recently read Normal People, which I absolutely devoured, and In the Dream House, which hit really hard for me.)

This summer was also really about reconnecting with high school friends. All three of us were unemployed, with plans to come in the fall, so we were all free to hang out all the time. We started out at the local library planning out a road trip, and we worked out a few times together, and a few coffee dates too. We took a fun day trip down to LA one day, and we visited Malibu, went to the Getty, hit up some local food places in the city. Driving down the PCH with Taylor Swift blaring and the windows down on a hot June day, just hits so different. There is nothing like it.

My friend's birthday was in June, so we put together a little video for her and bought some jewelry, and had a Zoom call to celebrate. Then I got BBQ with some friends and sat in the parking lot eating ice cream until 11 at night just trading stories from our pasts. It felt like the perfect summer life, just staying out until whenever, grabbing food wherever we wanted, with friends I had had for literally a whole decade.

It was already a really good summer, but then July. July was crazy.

July (CA -> MI -> CA -> NV -> CA -> WA -> OR -> CA)

So one Sunday morning, I woke up to a text

Actually, I'm going to do a separate post on the whole Michigan trip because that sh** was on another level of spontaneous, impulsive, crazy life stuff. But anyways, so July started off with a trip to Michigan to visit my friends, and then I came back for the 4th, had 36 hours of rest before my high school friends and I went on a road trip.

This road trip was a little ambitious. We hit spots all up California, from hiking in Sequoia Nat'l Park to Kings Canyon, driving up to Sacramento and visiting art museums, and then going up to Tahoe but staying in Nevada, going kayaking and hiking and sitting on the beach for hours. It was reallllllly hot, but luckily I don't think it ever broke 90 degrees. The views were beautiful, especially at Kings Canyon. The drive in, you're surrounded by huge rock walls, with a thin river rushing by next to you. The hike itself literally feels like you're in nature, like the trail is somewhat defined but not paved, there are no sounds of traffic, the path isn't heavily trafficked so we were the only ones there for the most part. We even saw a deer and washed our faces in the river. Throughout the whole thing, we climbed into so many waterfalls, trying not to slip on rocks.

I hadn't been to Sacramento in over a decade, but it was a cute day trip. There isn't a ton to do there, but it was a nice reprieve from the constant driving and nature. We visited the Leland Stanford Mansion, the Crocker Art Museum, and Old Town Sacramento. A good chance to get a nice coffee, a sit-down meal, and some air conditioning. At Tahoe, we went kayaking on Pope Beach, with the clearest water I have ever seen, followed up by a hike up to a beautiful view of the Lake.

On our way back, we stopped at a lot of interesting places, like small towns like Lee Vining, where we found an Upside Down House; Manzanar, the site of an old Japanese internment camp during the WWII era (which also hit hard); and Randsburg, a literal living ghost town. Overall, getting to travel with my friends finally was so fun, they were so much fun to be around for five days, and getting to explore so much of California was so fun - even though I'd been here for so long, I never knew these places existed.

So I came back and had around 48 hours to recover before my mom and I took a trip up to the Pacific Northwest!

I've always wanted to visit Seattle, and figured I'd hit Portland on the way too. We originally wanted to go to Hawaii but it got so expensive by the middle of the summer, so we decided to stay a little closer to home (probs the better decision bc I was already so tired by this point).

Seattle! Got to visit Pike Place Market many times, grab some coffee at the original Starbucks, see Mt. Rainier, and grab food with three friends! Also went to Bainbridge Island for a day which was SO cute - got to do an olive oil/balsamic vinegar tasting, which sounds so extra, but is actually really unexpectedly fun. At Starbs, I did a cold brew flight, which resulted in a rough night of tossing and turning for me, but I think it was worth it. Other things included the Pinball Museum, Space Needle, and Chihuly Glass Museum!

So I lowkey really wanted to visit Portland because I wanted to achieve a long-lasting dream of seeing an NWSL game in person. So I went to the Thorns Pride game!!

The Thorns fanbase is actually insane, I cannot express to you, like there's this whole fan section that actually did synchronized cheers and routines and was actually ROARING when they scored the entire game. I swear the audience was actually watching them at points instead of the match. Overall, the stadium was going crazy, like I thought I was at a tied Celtics-Bucks game with how loud it was in there. Also I swear, Ali Krieger made eye contact with me and waved.

In addition to that, Portland also has a huge rose garden, a nice Japanese tea garden, a lot of good donut stores and a huge bookstore, so all very up my alley. We also took a day trip to see Mt. Hood and more waterfalls!!

That's a summary of the SEA - PDX trip. Once I got home, my high school friends and I did not waste any time on reuniting to hang out - we went and played ball, grabbed lunch, and then coffee, and then did the same exact thing like two days later and watched a bunch of TikToks, and then spent a whole day at the beach to send my good friend off to medical school in Arizona. They somehow convinced me to go in the water and I got body checked by a wave.

Saw this sculpture on the beach and teared up a little

So proud of my friends for making it to med school, I am so excited to see them at their white coat ceremonies and beyond, I swear I will cry at every step of the way I'm so happy for them. Now that July is pretty much over, most of my fun summer plans are too, and I finally get a chance to catch my breath from that busy busy month. Spending a lot of time watching the Olympics and trying to muster up the motivation to start a fulltime job in < 1 month!!

Overall, I feel like I've been having a really solid summer given the year that was the covid year. I had a Lot of fun, literally probably two summers worth of fun consolidated into one. I think in the beginning of the year, I really wanted this summer to be good, and I didn't have a lot of set plans for the summer, even by the end of May. But somehow, things came together, like Really together, and I had the best summer of my life in this summer 2021. On top of that, I'm reading more than I have since probably middle school, I feel the most in shape that I ever have, I can DRIVE NOW. Only thing that would've made it better was if I got to go back to Taiwan to visit the fam, but unfortunately I can't go back because of strict travel restrictions there and they had a COVID outbreak too :/ I still got around 3.5 weeks of summer to go, so we'll see how the rest goes :)