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#take forever... this is even worse than that
nonranghaes · 13 hours
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"do you want to kiss me?"
hyunjin's voice is soft now, and his face is inches away from your own. the stars are twinkling overhead, and, with your back against the wall, you can feel the music thumping from inside the house. no one can see either of you now, standing secluded in the shadows. you can't smell alcohol on him at all, and you... well, you're the designated driver tonight for your little circle of friends. something about that put you more at ease: this wasn't a drunk conquest, a mistake he'll roll back when you're in your art class tomorrow morning. he isn't even touching you, but that only makes the fact that your heart is racing worse.
you nod, voice caught in your throat. "i've never actually..." the confession dies on your lips. is he going to think you're weird? that you're both in your twenties, and you haven't even taken the baby step that most teenagers boast about? it's something that haunts you the older you get.
his gaze flickers down to your lips for a split second, and he reaches up. yet before he can touch your face, to guide you however he needs to, he stops. "can i...?"
another nod. hyunjin's fingers graze your jaw, lifting your face ever-so-slightly so that he can close the distance between the two of you. his lips are soft against your own, gentle as can be as he kisses you for the first time. your nose bumps against his own, teeth clashing when you turn your head, and he draws back enough to meet your gaze. for a moment, neither of you says anything... and then you laugh.
"god, i'm bad at this."
he smiles at you this timid smile that warms your heart. "you are," he chuckles. "but it's okay." one of his hands finds your own. "it just takes practice."
"with you?" you're hopeful that this wasn't for nothing. maybe it's wrong to pin so much hope onto something as silly as a first kiss, but you always held back because you didn't want it to mean nothing. you wanted it to be with someone you actually trusted. someone you liked, even if it wasn't forever.
his hand squeezes yours gently. "after i buy you dinner. is that okay?"
it's more than okay. you nod, and interlace your fingers with his. "it's a date."
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I'll never write it because it hits a bit too close home for me to write it without mental strain (I'd read it okay tho...) but I have a very specific scenario in my head so—
Bradley gets the same type of cancer his mom died from.
I imagine it's lung or pancreas cancer because I've seen those and they can be quite aggressive or progressive depending on type. In my head, Carole was in her late thirties/early forties at the latest when she got sick and I imagine it was unexpected and quick, as it often is with young cancer.
The thing is, people deal with cancer diagnosis differently in so many ways — some are in complete denial, some try to stay optimistic for their family, and some just... give up.
Bradley's seen enough cancer and death that he can't deny it but he also can't ever believe he has any luck left in life.
He's in his late 20s. He's just been proposed as his squad's candidate for Top Gun. The DADT just got removed. He has a long-term, serious partner (Jake) who he might not be completely open about everything yet but whom he loves and plans to marry and who loves him back. They're planning on buying a house, Jake talks about having kids. Bradley met Jake's family and his life didn't blow up and they even liked him. The years after he stopped talking to Mav were tough, but he's feeling as settled and as happy with his life as he can be at the time.
He goes to his routine physical as normal, maybe his spirometry comes up short or maybe his bloods are a bit off, or maybe he's just feeling more tired than normal and the doc has a feeling.
Doc informs him about the suspicions, he gets the tests done and it turns from suspicion to reality. At no point Bradley mentions it to Jake. He's taken off flying schedule, sure, but he doesn't tell anyone why, just making something up about his eyesight getting worse or maybe about a recurring ear or sinus infection.
Even if the diagnosis wasn't that bad and the oncologist was optimistic prognosis-wise, Bradley, who has already heard the exact same words about his mom's diagnosis, wouldn't believe it at all. Maybe he wouldn't believe it at all to the point that he'd refuse treatment and just let life run its course.
He'd start planning.
Get everything sorted out while he can. Make it as painless for everyone as much as he can.
And it starts small and escalates quickly. He updates his will, he has a med leave meeting with his superiors, advocates for a transfer to an office role.
He breaks up with Jake, still not telling him a thing. Just so he doesn't have to go through it with Bradley as well — because he knows he'd. And you bet he does the break up in a way that pisses Jake off to the point he doesn't realize how suspicious everything is — the timing, the medical leave, Bradley changing from 'let's buy a house together and have kids' to 'i don't think we can really work out together' on the span of weeks. He's brash in the worst way, and obviously, it also makes their friend group wary and isolates him — which was exactly his plan.
There's one person who he knows will be forever guilty if they don't talk. So, you know, he takes a trip down to China Lake and he and Mav talk. He says all the right things he knows Mav wants to hear — that he forgives him, that he's not mad anymore, that he understands, that he still considers Mav his sort of dad and that he was pissed but he's ready to move on. Maybe Mav does the unexpected and explains to Bradley why he pulled the papers and maybe Bradley actually forgives him.
So, you know, with that Bradley is all ready to take on everything alone, never have anyone find out and just start, well, dying on his own, medical partial leave, all of his stuff sold or written into the will, potential transfer to a paper-pushing position in Point Mugu, far away from everyone who could ever care about him, any people who could ever be affected at all by his illness in the blind.
He was not counting on one thing, though — that Mav, forgiven and missing over ten years of Bradley's life, will try to be part of his life again. Calls, visits — Bradley can't really keep it hidden that he's just rolled over his life in the span of weeks, even if he doesn't not why. Bradley was young when his mom got sick but not that young — he remembers how Mav took it, he's not going to retraumatize him.
But it's really hard not to let Mav know too much when he's asking about everything, and he mentions Jake once and Mav runs wild with the information. First starts to prod Bradley, then tries to do his own investigation and finds out that Jake was stationed at the same base and that they had been together before they broke up abruptly not long ago.
He thinks he's connected the dots — Bradley's weird behavior has to be due to heartbreak, y'know — and tries to play a bit of a wingman by approaching Hangman on his own.
The two people Bradley is trying to keep in the blind meet and realize something is fishy. Jake not only gets hit with the face with Bradley's estranged dad existing but also not being estranged anymore and with that Bradley is acting freaking weird. Mav gets hit in the face because it was Bradley who did the breaking up in the nastiest way possible (and he raised him better than that and also can still see he's got the sad lovesick puppy face whenever Mav tries to bring Jake up) but also with the realization that whatever Bradley is doing, he's got them fooled.
In the end, I think it'd be Ice who figures it out (whether or not he and Mav are together in this scenario). Hears all about it from Mav and Jake and has this moment when it all kind of spins in his head, his own experiences and feelings making a callback, and just tells them, it sounds like he's preparing for a goodbye.
Needless to say, Jake is pissed, Mav is pissed. They stage an intervention and you know that Bradley coughs up (probably in some dramatic way as well... like getting sick to the point they call an ambulance for him...). They definitely freak out when they find out he's been refusing treatment this whole time.
(I don't want to go into actual details of treatment but you can bet Mav and Jake are fucking glued to him from then on and they watch him like hawks. It's not all roses and I don't believe it'd be a quick treatment, probably running long, having better and worse days. Maybe he won't even be able to fly afterwards, once he's in remission. Maybe he never goes into remission. I don't know, I don't like thinking that far...)
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poppy-metal · 4 hours
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creep!au art is going crazy. he wants to know who you are sooooooooo badly. he’s been back and forth about guilt and about being disturbed (which if he’s honest ended a long time ago, ended as soon as he saw that sweet cunt) and about what kind of person you must be, what kind of person he must be to take advantage of your troubled mental state. because you really are troubled. it’s not just the act of leaving him these notes. it’s the notes. you say things that make his skin crawl and his cock throb, and he’s starting to not be able to tell the difference. even after you begin texting you still leave him notes. the notes become more graphic, as you’re more reserved over text.
you smell good today. sometimes i want to eat you because i think you’d taste like marshmallow. but that would be wrong.
you’re so strong. i love your arms. would you hit me if i asked you to? i probably deserve it a little for all i put you through. haha. just know you could hurt me forever and i’d still be yours
after all we’ve done together, i have to wonder if you’ve been with any other girls. i hate that. i would never tell you what to do, but it hurts my heart to think you could need anything but me. i would do anything for you. i’d light myself on fire if you asked me to. i would. no one can give you what i can. i can do anything another girl can do, and with me you’ll know it’s an act of worship. you’re no one else’s god, art. just mine.
you’re not okay. you are sick in the head. but. but you’re so sweet. and no one has ever loved him so much. no one ever would again. you were once in a life time. he lies to himself, tells himself that he wants to find you to get you help, that he would bring you to a psychiatrist and work through your issues together. but he won’t. he knows he won’t, distantly. because whatever is wrong with you to make you stalk someone is what makes you fully, totally and unnaturally his. so yes, he cares about you. yes, you make him harder that what he humanly thought is possible. yes, you scared him a little to start with. but you’re a kitten, clawless in his palms. he wants you to be happy. maybe he doesn’t need to make you better to make you happy. he just needs to accept you as his. if only he could track you down. force you to accept his love like you made him accept yours. because he had no choice, and now he wants choice. he wants you to feel him, in every way. but it’s not fair, because you can find him and he can’t find you. it drives him crazy. as crazy as you are.
no because the power dynamics really do shift.... he starts thinking about how if he really pushed you - threatened to stop talking to you, throw away your notes - you'd crack. but he's come to care about you and he can tell through texting you that you haven't had the best upbringing. you suffer from insecurity, even worse than he does, neglect from both parents - you essentially have no one - no friends, no family, all you have is art.
but presses in little ways, i want to touch you so bad. god, i want your pussy on my tongue. you want me so bad - i love that. you said your virginity is mine? that you're saving it for me? well, i want it. i want to feel you on my cock when i stretch you open for the first time. i wanna see your face when i give it to you.
and you're so needy for it. you never thought art would talk to you like this - there's honestly alot you didn't account for that you should have. you didn't account for how it would feel to be wanted by art. to be wanted at all. you didn't account for how it'd feel to read his messages and feel your self control get thinner and thinner - your fingers aren't enough - you cry on them, weep, because its just not enough - they dont fill you how they should - and art -
god he sends you a video of his cock. says the name he'd given you that might as well be your real name now, hearing it from his lips makes you come alive alive alive - "birdie - fuck -" when he cums and his abs clench and thick ropes of white paint his stomach -
and you wanna taste it so bad - wanna lick it - he rubs the cum onto his fingers and spreads it back over his pink dick - "you should be here." he tells you, and the way he's looking into the camera feels like he really does see you, is really looking at you, there kneeling between his spread legs. "you should be licking me clean."
and you should, you should, you should.
you want to but. whenever you think about him seeing you your stomach rolls itself into knots. it'll kill you if his face twitches in disgust or disappointment. it'd genuinely kill you.
you start thinking - isn't the fantasy nice? is there really a need to meet? maybe you could he content with this.... with being his secret.
you text him one night - I've been so happy lately. why risk it with reality? reality is always disappointing to the fantasy.
im going to call you.
i cant talk..
yeah, i know. I'll talk. just listen.
your phone rings and you pick it up, chewing on your nails. you hear the exhale of his breath on the other line and wonder what he's doing right now. sitting at his desk? his bed? crossed legged or lounging? is the phone tucked between his shoulder and cheek so he can fiddle with his hands or is he holding it to his ear?
he says, "you've fucked me up real bad."
your frown. lips parting but of course you don't speak. he can hear you breathing, though. knows you're listening Intently, as you always are.
"really, do you know that? i used to be normal before you. like - this is fucked. what you're doing. but you made me want it - you said all these -" he sighs. shakes his head - "you said all these things and you made me feel shit and now i can't even be mad at you for it because if you're fucked in the head then so am i for wanting you anyway. but i can't keep -"
he looks at the shoebox he has filled with your notes. almost so full the lid can't even stay fully on.
"- i can't keep doing this, birdie. i dont even know your real name - i know what your pussy looks like but not you - that's insane. Its not enough."
your heart trembles. not enough, you think. not enough, not enough, not enough, not enough. not. enough.
"i need more. I'm graduating next year and - I'm leaving, do you get that? im not staying."
tears prick your eyes. you hadn't wanted to think about that. why was he poking holes in everything?
ill just follow you, you think. ill follow you anywhere.
"and I'll find someone - someone thats not you. and I'll fall in love with her and you'll have to watch that. and i can't prevent it because. well, you know me. i want a family. i want that boring white picket fence life. i want a wife and babies and - im going to have it. with or without you."
he lets that sink in before he continues.
"and im not even saying you're her - i have no fucking idea what could happen when we meet. but. i want to - I just want to see you - "
you hang up. its the first time you've done it.
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artssslut2 · 20 hours
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rahhh i love art rahhh i love fluff take that as you wish
Inseparable
Art Donaldson x Reader
Summary: just a look into everyday life with your Husband Art and your newborn daughter.
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You always knew Art would be an amazing dad but watching him in action was totally different. You thought you loved him before, but after seeing him care for the baby you made together somehow made you love him even more. From the minute Lily was born he was the best dad in the world. He wanted you to rest as soon as you all had gotten home from the hospital. While you recovered he would not let you wake up in the night to get the baby. You finally made a deal with him that if she needed to be fed he would bring her to you and then put her back to sleep. His little girl was already the biggest daddy’s girl, he could easily get her to stop crying the second she was In his arms, and she was looking more like him by the day.
Art took off two weeks from training, he wished he could’ve taken more but he was at the top of his game he couldn’t risk that. You pretty much had to force him to leave the house the first time.
It had been about a month since Lily was born you were still on leave from work so you decided to walk with Lily to the courts your husband trained at since it was such a beautiful day. You dressed Lily in the tiny Nike tennis dress that the company had sent Art while you were pregnant. When you had gotten there Art noticed immediately he dropped his racquet and jogged over to his two favorite girls. His coaches rolled his eyes at Art getting distracted
“Hey what are you guys doing here?” He smiled kissing you
“Lily wanted to come see her daddy play tennis” you cooed looking down at your little girl in the stroller
“Hey champ, how’s it going Lily girl?” He said lifting his baby out of the stroller “Oh my goodness look how adorable you look” he gushed while the three of you walked to the bleachers
“Donaldson! Come on we don’t have all day!” His hitting partner yelled to him. Art groaned,
“Go on we will watch for a bit” you said hitting his butt, he gave Lily a big kiss on the cheek and handed her to you carefully then kissed you on the cheek and ran back over to the court. Lily started fussing as soon as her dad gave her up. The two were inseparable, Art probably had worse separation anxiety than she did.
You ended up staying the whole practice you loved to watch Art play and so did Lily. Every now and then he’d give a wave or run over for a kiss earning a groan from his team but he didn’t care he only cared about his family.
Most of your nights lately had been quiet and slow, you were surprised at how much you loved it. Art would get out of training around 3 or 4 at the latest, giving your little family a lot of time together. Tonight you were eating dinner on your patio, Lily was in Arts arms of course. He never put her down even if he was eating or on the phone it didn’t matter.
“I loved seeing my girls at training today you know.” He looked at you giving you a smile, the same smile you fell in love with.
“We could watch you forever, maybe Lily will be out there with you one day.”
“Maybe… I’ve been thinking about it. I don’t want her to think she has to play tennis just because of me. I mean it would be awesome if she did but she can do whatever she wants. I want her to know we will support any dream she has.” He said seriously like he had been thinking about it for a while. You smiled at his thoughts
“She will know trust me. But something tells me she will want to do everything that you do” you laughed, even now Lily wouldn’t take her eyes off of Art. Art smiled looking down at Lily
“She’s perfect... Ready for another?” He smirked
“Not a chance Donaldson I need at least a year” you laughed. Art wanted all the babies he could have with you.
That night long after you and Art had given Lily a bath and put her to bed you and Art found yourself in bed cuddled up talking about anything that came to mind like you usually did before bed. Lately Lily has been the only thing you talk about and that’s okay with the both of you. As if on cue you heard a cry on the baby monitor, you tried getting up but felt Art pinning you down
“No you stay I’ll go babe” he said then kissed your forehead, you just rolled your eyes smiling.
Art walked into Lily’s room quietly making his way to her crib.
“Hey champ what’s going on” he cooed picking the baby up gently and holding her to his chest, Lily still cried
“You’re not hungry, you don’t need your diaper changed so what is it huh champ?” He asked softly swaying her side to side, she still wasn’t calming down. She was usually a very easy baby but every now and then she had her bad nights and Art could tell this was going to be one of them. He thought to himself ways to help his little girl, he walked with, her sang to her, rocked her but nothing worked. Art thought to himself, the room was kind of hot he laid her down to take off her warm footed pajamas and switch to something lighter, he picked her up while she was only in her diaper and she immediately stopped crying. The contact with her dads skin soothed her instantly
“Oh did you just wanna be close to your daddy Lily girl? Is that it?” He smiled patting her back. Art couldn’t believe how much he loved his baby. He looked at the crib and decided he just didn’t have the heart to put her back in it.
You looked at your phone wondering if you should go check on your husband because it had been a while. But then you saw him walk through the door, with Lily sleeping on his bare toned chest.
“What are you doing my love?” You beamed seeing your two favorite people
“She’s having a rough night I couldn’t leave her there all alone. So she’s gonna sleepover” he told you crawling in to bed carefully with the baby still on his chest
“Oh no Lily Jane” you stroked her cheek resting your head on Arts free shoulder. Art was in heaven with both his girls resting on his chest
“I love you y/n. Thank you for giving me this life” he kissed you
“Thank you for being the greatest husband and dad baby. I love you”
All three of you slept peacefully through the night, Art holding both you and Lily close his heart was so full.
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grimmcheems · 3 days
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Inko au I came up with yrs ago….
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AU where bakugou’s actions have consequences lmao. I only remember coming up with this yrs ago after thinking through all the terrible stuff Bakugou put Izuku through and it was more of a “what if” scenario, was even planning to write a fic with this concept in mind but never got to it and lost all my motivation to do so, especially with all the spoilers I’ve been getting about the series recently. I have not read the manga past Aoyama’s reveal and I think I’m going to keep it that way.
…..just realized I never added her freckles…..pretend you don’t see it……..
Will forever be a Bakugou hater and I will die on this hill. Also whole convo ppl are having about Aoyama rly peeves me when I take Iida’s past actions into account and the fact that there’s way worse people in the series yet ppl suddenly have so much to say when it comes to my bby Aoyama. That’s a conversation for another day though sigh.
Anyways. In this au Izuku’s low self esteem and inner demons win and, along with Bakugou ‘s relentless bullying, lead him to take his (Bakugou’s) earlier suggestion about the rooftop and it quickly becomes the worst case scenario. Let’s just say he doesn’t make it and Inko is left to mourn and try to piece together why it happened and what caused it. She eventually figures out that Bakugou had a hand in it and eventually she gains the resolve to cultivate a plan for revenge, not just for herself but for Izuku as well. She’s especially angry after finding out Bakugou is accepted into UA and it’s no longer just about getting revenge against him, but also holding society accountable for the way they treat quirkless people in general. It also delves deeper into the quirk aspect after she meets Toga and Spinner, as well as everyone else in the league or other villains that she meets that were more so driven out and mistreated because of their quirks (like Dabi).
Other than that, Aizawa also gets involved (idk why but he always makes his way into being a main character for my mha aus). Idk how much more to include on him since idk if I’ll be making some sketches or more art over this but he does become pissed once he finds out about Bakugou’s bad reputation before enrolling.
I added some silly stuff in between the serious parts. She does end up training her quirk and I do plan on making some sketches at least of that happening and she is also a caretaker alongside Kurogiri.
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POLL 15:
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"OSHA would have a field day with this."
Propaganda below:
Archeological expedition (submitted twice): "Cheapass equipment that breaks easily, more than 3/4 of the crew die within the first seven hours, one of the "experts" is a convict, no one did background checks on the expedition leaders or their connections, there's a civilian who is clearly untrained in pretty much everything useful (this guy can't even drive and people are questioning the accuracy of his translations.....the thing he's there to do) and the 'chef's four basic food groups sound like a recipe for death."
Clovis Bray: "The guy in charge committed like... SO many human rights violations all for the sake of his 'legacy'. Including but not limited to; uploading human minds to robot bodies to create both a way to live forever AND basically super soldiers, many experiments about eliminating the need to eat or drink in humans, an AI with the capability of taking over every weapon in the solar system that would allow him to become a god by proxy, and a nanotechnology for creating off world colonies that later got used to create man-made horrors beyond your comprehension via cannibalizing anything it can get its hands on to replicate itself."
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would’ve, could’ve, should’ve
“Percy,” he croaked. And immediately he knew it was over, from the subtle sound of peace in Nico’s voice to the ragged, painfully noisy breaths he was pushing in and out.
There was blood on his hands. There was blood on both of them, both of their blood on both of them, and somehow knowing that felt more intimate than any other form or shape of their love.
Percy cupped Nico’s face, feeling the soft warm of his skin, the euphoric sense of holding the person you hold dearest in your arms. He took the lingering sadness in the knowledge that this would be the last time, and he embraced it, which somehow made it better and worse at the same time. “Nico,” he said, voice hoarse. “My love, my life, my sun, my star.”
He pressed their noses together. Nico inhaled, then laughed, then winced. His hand pressed harder against the stab wound in his chest. Percy held it. Till’ death do us apart, after all. 
“You’re still a poetic sap,” his love said. He smiled, and Percy wondered if he would ever feel this good again. A hand reached up to trace a line on his cheek, where a tear had trailed down his face. “Promise me one thing.”
“Anything for you.” A shallow, shaky breath. Percy felt a sob ripe through him, and as the dam cracked, more water flooded through, threatening to flood the valley. 
“Perseus,” his life said, in that confident, vulnerable, lovely voice of his, the tone nuanced in every way. “Hey. Don’t cry.” A rattling cough that resonated through both their bones. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be waiting for you, in Elysium.”
“Elysium,” Percy repeated. His voice was shaking, his hands were shaking, everything was shaking. It wouldn’t stop shaking. 
“Yes,” his star said. “In Elysium. But promise me, Percy, that you’ll still be a poetic sap.”
His voice was getting weaker, his pulse beckming thready and slipping away. The sounds of war and battle continued on around them, but Percy could not be bothered with even a nuclear bomb.
Nico was going to go. Forever.
Despite himself, he laughed. Nico was one of the few people who could make him do that in any situation, any time, anywhere and for any reason. “Yes. I’ll be a poetic sap until my soul crumbles to ashes.”
Nico closed his eyes. 
“For me?” His sun murmured. 
“For you,” he confirmed.
He could tell the exact time that Nico slipped away, yet he chose to remain there, to kick and snarl and scream when people tried to take him away. When people tried to hurt him, he hurt them back. 
He thought, sadly, that he’d broken his promise to Nico di Angelo.
He couldn’t be a poetic sap. Not now, not when he was gone.
Would've, could’ve, should’ve. He could think of a hundred reasons why they were doomed from the start.
A tragedy.
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repressedqueen · 2 days
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I hardly know you—but sometimes things are so transparent
Chapter 4 - Final
Buck shuffled the papers in front of him once again, in an attempt to focus and reorganize his thoughts so he can finally finish the task he chose to distract himself with, so he could stop ruminating. It didn’t seem to work though. All he could think about was his unhinged behavior during the basketball game. How he should have called Eddie but he never found the balls to. How he embarrassed himself in front of Tommy. God, his best friend thinks he is a monster and a guy he looks up to so much must think he is an idiotic baby. Isn’t he though? What sane mature person reacts this way? Maddie was right, he is acting like a 14 year old! And the thing is, he has no idea why. The weird thing is, deep down, he knows nothing will change with Eddie; there is a part of him that is certain what he Eddie have is one of a kind and it is forever. That makes everything even more insane, because then why the hell does he feel that confusion and frustration every time Tommy is around? Three knocks on the door interrupt Buck’s pondering, thankfully so. He is not expecting anyone though. He opens the door and standing behind it is the very reason for his spiraling.
or, Buck takes Chimney to the B.B.P.U. and this time things go way worse than he could have ever imagined.
Read on AO3
Series Masterlist
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shen-daozhang · 1 year
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FINALLY found out that I got the life-changing librarian position that I applied for back in the middle of December (and that I did a teaching demo for in early May)
which is very good news except it was overshadowed by the fact that the day I got the offer call from HR was the day my grandmother died.
it's been .... A Week, I don't even know what to say about it lol
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meme dump sorry if you haven't noticed but yes it's almost all ishaan no i' not insane i'm just posting more of discord memes here now, yes there will be more, and no i won't apologize for spontaneous uploads bc this site wiped 8 paragraphs when i tried to click the EDIT BUTTON. more when i FEEL LIKE TOUCHING THE SITE WITHOUT FEAR OF THE WIPE.
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trans-cuchulainn · 6 months
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god. threads really is the home of the most dogshit takes of the internet isn't it
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soapkid · 1 month
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ive gotta be real im kind of losing hope for life
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sonknuxadow · 10 months
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word of advice if you see a sonic game being widely labelled as bad you should give it a chance yourself before taking those opinions as an accurate representation of what the game is like. because the internet is just like weirdly biased towards sonic and says almost anything sonic related is bad and cringe and half the games that get put in the "bad sonic games" category arent even bad or at least have some redeeming qualities. people literally just hate fun
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rhymaes · 6 months
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Mysterious Lotus Casebook // Anne Carson, Autobiography of Red
(continuation of x)
#and YES I USED THE SAME PIC TO BEGIN HIS. BECAUSE WHERE HIS STORY BEGINS#IS WHERE LI LIANHUA’S ENDS AND GOD. HE THOUGHT THEY HAD FOREVER#fang duobing’s turn because time is rushing toward them!!! and he believed they had it and then didn’t and then did again#and then it’s—all gone. like a light snuffed out. there is always a dark darker than the dark you know#and what li lianhua believed he was freeing fang duobing from is what he will spend the rest of his life mourning#& it’s. you have enough time. and then you don’t. and then you do because he told you so and you wanted to believe him even after everything#so you did. and oh. it was so much worse to think you could have it. that you had it together. and then finding he knew it was never a#possibility to begin with because he exchanged his death for your life but he doesn’t understand he wrote the eulogy you will roam the wide#world with for the rest of your life without him#just. holy shit. it’s a cruelty that li lianhua truly does not believe is cruel. he believes it’s a blessing. and it’s the worst thing#fang duobing has ever experienced—not his father not his illness nor his run away marriage or obligation as a young master he hates—its this#ANYWAY. yeah. yeah. finished the book today so natural I had to take the last quote completely out of context for my own selfish reading for#them bc what can I say I’m a selfish reader in any regard#mysterious lotus casebook#fang duobing#li lianhua#li xiangyi#di feisheng
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beautifel · 8 months
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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately
#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level#for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her#still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions#Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later#jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this#not fair not fair at all this is evil#and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences#i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it#i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity#is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike#Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even#LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it#what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol#hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather#kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter#how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there#n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng#or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak#n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own#well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her
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prettyboyscollection · 11 months
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“females are inherently victims and they can never escape this fact ever. males are inherently predators and no matter what they’re dangerous. this is the natural way of things. hey why are you walking away”
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