#iago you bitch

[kennethbrangh]

Kenneth Branagh as Iago and Nathaniel Parker as Cassio in Othello (1995)

[ishould-b-sleeping]

Iago: I don't want to name any names, so i WON'T say that it wAS CASSIO!!!!!

Othello: *shocked, hurt etc*

Iago: Oopsies hihihi

[theothervonkarmagirl]

“I think because of the emotional trauma that Iago and Garon put us through, we should spend fall and winter in Nestra. If that absolute catastrophe of a marriage is going to happen I should at least get to have a good time while it does.”

“...I heard that’s where they’re going to have their honeymoon, though.”

“WHAT!? That had better be a rumor!”

[drangleicasshole]

unpopular opinion: that little fucking bat from anastasia is the most bland character of all time

[comradekatara]

i was recently admiring sokka's acting skills in return to omashu (when katara invents pentapox), so if the modern gaang (and others) were all to be cast in a shakespeare play, which play would it be and who would play who?

okay you really don’t know what you’ve unleashed by asking me this (but thank you for enabling me)

aang would obviously be typecast as ariel or puck, but i also think he’d make a great prince hal, a really lovable horatio, or even angelo (not a reflection on his character, i just think he could pull it off!)

katara would be typecast as beatrice, emilia, rosalind and/or celia, cordelia, viola, ophelia, juliet, etc etc. you get the gist. so she’d probably be typecast as lavinia too, but i think she’d kill it as tamora. maybe even gertrude.

sokka is obviously best suited to any kind of robert armin fool (think lear’s fool, think feste) but i think he’d also kill it as richard iii, he’d bring the necessary humor (and self-loathing) for the role. he’d make a great jacques too. or even a really compelling cassio.

suki would kill as beatrice (opposite sokka’s benedick). she could also definitely pull off a more grounded and sensitive olivia. and even though the play kind of sucks she’d be a great jeanne d’arc. i also think she’d love playing one of the witches.

toph would love to play any crossdressing role, especially rosalind. i could also see her playing a witty fool. she’d kill as the gravedigger, for example. she’d also play a fairy or a rude mechanical, but not a principle one. maybe starveling, or mustardseed, or peter quince.

zuko was born to play edgar fyi. he’d also be a great macbeth. i think he’d make a better laertes than hamlet tbh, but it also depends on how buff he is in the moment (if he’s in his skinny era he could also play hamlet). also richard ii. and he’d be a really good antonio (12n), frankly.

saying azula would be a great lady m is almost laughably obvious. she would be though. and she wouldn’t play goneril, she’d play regan, so THERE. but also she would kill it as edmund if she wasn’t too traditional to refuse it. same goes for iago.

mai could play every single role in hamlet and pull it off flawlessly. also im picturing her and ty lee as rosencrantz and guildenstern, but also in the stoppard (ie, “are dead”). she’d love to play a witch. she’d also be a great banquo.

ty lee could literally play any role she could be desdemona she could be falstaff she could be prospero she is truly that bitch darling she has the range. she’d probably get typecast as fair maidens though because she’s so pretty. alas. she’d kill as lear.

[wisteria-lodge]

Sorting Jafar

Evil Queen, Wicked Stepmother, Queen of Hearts, Captain Hook, Maleficent, Cruella de Vil, Madame Mim, Prince John, Professor Ratigan, Ursula

Gaston

More detail about this character analysis system here, and why the move away from the HP terminology here.

***

The thing about Jafar is that, at the beginning of the film… he kind of has it made. He’s got the Sultan hypnotized, he’s got a tower with a secret entrance and a best friend/minion to bitch too. He’s running the kingdom, and still has plenty of free time to track down cool magical artifacts and add them to his collection.

So what do you even want, Jafar? Somehow, I don’t think it’s to marry Princess Jasmine. You are way too queer coded.

I considered the possibility that maybe he just *really* hates the Sultan. But if anything, Jafar seems to mildly enjoy being smarter than his boss. (Iago the parrot has a more workable vengeance motive, since he really hates it when the Sultan feeds him crackers.) What Jafar actually seems after is the ability to control all the people around him, all the time. He’s worried about Jasmine coming of age, because he isn’t able to control her. So his plan at the beginning of the film is ‘get her to marry an idiot, then control the idiot.’

I think it actually says a lot about Jafar that the first thing he does once he gets his big power-up is make all the people in his life bow to him. Then, dress them up in symbolic little outfits that reflect how he sees them. The sultan becomes a puppet, Aladdin and the carpet unravel and become trash, and Jasmine becomes this hyper feminized decoration. He likes putting people in these easily quantifiable boxes.

So I want to say Bird primary for Jafar. Lion is possible… but there just doesn’t seem to be an emotional component to anything he does (beyond vague annoyance/smugness.) This quest into the inner workings of magic and the universe, with “omnipotence” as the final goal... seems a very Bird fantasy. There’s also something about Aladdin as “the Diamond in the Rough” that seems to intrigue Jafar, in an almost academic way. This random kid I arrested is special and I didn’t realize at the time? Let’s just put on a disguise real quick, and poke him, and see what he does.

Jafar is also definitely a Bird secondary. Another villain who likes transformation - but in a Wicked Queen way, leaning on his “harmless old man” persona. He researches and tracks down magical artifacts, and even though he doesn’t have a community, he seems to have no end of people that he can ask for favors. Jafar's strategy to marry Jasmine goes from “obscure legal loophole” to immediately “magic.” Double Bird, all the way down. No surprises there. 

Tl;dr 

Double Lion -  Queen of Hearts, Cruella De Vil

Lion Snake - Madame Mim

Snake Bird - Prince John, Professor Ratigan, Ursula

Snake Badger - Wicked Stepmother

Badger Lion - Gaston

Badger Snake - Captain Hook

Badger Bird - Evil Queen

Bird Lion - Maleficent

Double Bird - Jafar

[forthegothicheroine]

There’s a story that a traveling theater company performed Othello in the old west and in the middle a cowboy in the audience yelled “You son of a bitch!” and shot Iago, who was then buried with the epitaph “The greatest actor.” Is it true? Almost certainly not. Are the makers of every single western cowards for not including it? Absolutely.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Okay I'm not saying that I routinely imagine a jukebox musical of Othello using Florence + the Machine music but I'm not not saying that if that were to happen these would be the perfect songs:

THIS IDEA ORIGINALLY CAME FROM 'LUCY'S STUDY ACCOUNT <3' ON TIKTOK AND SHE HAS HER OWN FULL VERSION ON THERE THAT INCLUDES OTHER ARTISTS THIS WAS MY TAKE INSPIRED BY HER SUGGESTIONS OF 100 YEARS AND I'M NOT CALLING YOU A LIAR BECAUSE I HAVE PRETTY MUCH NOT STOPPED THINKING ABOUT IT SINCE I SAW HER VIDEO - I highly recommend checking out her list as well, I very much enjoyed it :)

100 Years

I believe in you and in our hearts we know the truth and I believe in love and the darker it gets the more I do. Try to fill us with your hate and we will shine a light, and the days will become endless and never, and never turn to night

And Lord don't let me break this, let me hold it lightly, give me arms to pray with instead of ones that hold too tightly

I let him sleep, and as he does my breath fills the room with love, hurts in ways I can't describe, my heart bends and breaks so many, many times

Hubris is a bitch

I'm Not Calling You A Liar (A duet between Othello and Desdemona and then a reprise when she dies would be amazing)

I'm not calling you a liar, just don't lie to me. I'm not calling you a thief, just don't steal from me. I'm not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me. And I love you so much I'm gonna let you kill me

Which Witch (This screams Emilia weighing up her guilt for betraying Desdemona and her inability to say no to Iago because of everything he's done to her/her position in the relationship being so dangerous)

And it's my whole heart, deemed and delivered a crime, I'm on trial waiting 'til the beat comes out, I'm on trial waiting 'til the beat comes out who's a heretic now?

I'm not beaten by this yet you can't tell me to regret been in the dark since the day we met, fire help me to forget

Chained and shackled, oh, I'll unravel, oh, it's a pity, oh. Never to return, but I never learn, it's a pity, oh. Chained and shackled, oh, I'll unravel, oh, it's a pity oh. Say I won't return, but I never learn, it's a pity oh.

Queen of Peace (I'm imagining a Desdemona solo and maybe some chorus as well but I'd love to see her with this song, I'm picturing it to be after Othello hits her)

Suddenly I'm overcome, dissolving like the setting sun, like a boat into oblivion, 'cause your driving me away. Now you have me on the run, the damage is already done, come on is this what you want? 'cause your driving me away

Oh, the queen of peace, always does her best to please. Is it any use? Somebody's gotta lose. Like a long scream, out there always echoing. Oh, what is it worth? All that's left is hurt

And my love is no good against the fortress that it made of you, blood is running deep, sorrow that you keep

Big God (Okay hear me out: A three way split stage with Emilia and Iago, Desdemona and Othello, and Bianca and Cassio; all sing but mostly the women each singing different parts of this song to their respective partners)

Okay I feel like this one needs a little more explanation but for example

Women: You need a big god, big enough to hold your love. You need a big god, big enough to fill you up

Bianca: You keep me up at night, to my messages you do not reply

Desdemona: You know I still like you the most

All: the best of the best and the worst of the worst

Emilia: You can never know, the places that I go.

Desdemona: You know I still like you the most

Men: You'll always be my favourite ghost

And yes I can see the perfect choreography in my head

All This And Heaven Too (Desdemona singing this to Othello!?? I can also see it being a duet for them, but then with a harmony from Emilia as well singing alone but theoretically to Desdemona)

And the heart is hard to translate, it has a language of its own. It talks in tongues and quiet sighs, and prayers and proclamations, in the grand days of great men, in the smallest of gestures, in short, shallow gasps

And the words are all escaping, and coming back all damaged. And I would put them back in poetry, if I only knew how, I can't seem to understand it. And I would give all this and heaven too, I would give it all if only for a moment that I could just understand the meaning of the word you see, 'cause I've been scrawling it forever, but it never makes sense to me

Back In Town (Okay I don't know how to explain but I'm imagining Iago and Emilia alone on stage as he sings to her with very close choreography in a way that at a glance they could just be together but if you watch properly he's controlling her movements)

I'm back in town, why don't we go out? Let the rats spin around our feet, the full moon shines down on these dirty streets. Back in town, why don't we go out, to that ninth street diner? And carry on slowly, torturing each other

If you get spat on it's just your big city baptism, you're the star of the show. I'm back in town, why don't we go out and never go to sleep? Throw our dreams out, let them pile up on the streets

'Cause it's always the same. I came for the pleasure but I stayed, yes I stayed, for the pain

Falling (The Bianca vibes are undeniable, but also with the fallen from grace idea it has such potential to start as her singing and then gradually include more characters as it goes)

I've fallen out of favour and I've fallen from grace, fallen out of trees and I've fallen on my face. Fallen out of taxis, out of windows too, fell in your opinion when I fell in love with you

I could probably think of more if I put my mind to it but this is all for now, please add more if you think of any I'd love to see them!

[shiny-jr]

"Okay, master, I'll get you the dark wizard daily so you can enchant yourself some bitches."

please keep this line in I love it so so much

I saw this in clip someone animated after they paid the original voice actor for Iago, Gilbert Gottfried, to say all that stuff. I thought this line in particular was perfect. Especially when Jamil starts to order mc around and mc not being used to being ordered around has the gall to respond with lines like that. Its a good thing the person they replaced acts so similar.

[marrondrawsalot]

EAH kid drop? FUCK YEAH

Aqila - Daughter of ?????, Successor of Aladdin rebel

Cassim - Son of ??????, Successor of the King of Thieves (dun dunnnnn!) royal

Mona - Daughter of????, Successor of Mozenrath rebel

Jasir and Jasminko Horglas - Son of Aladdin and Jasmine, successors of Jasmine royals

Panny Clover - Daughter of Peter Pan and Successor rebel royal (?)

Vanny Clover - Daughter of Peter Pan but successor of the shadow rebel royal (?)

Winston Dear - Son of Wendy Darling and Successor, Royal

Imira Fairouz - Daughter of Iago and Successor of Rebel

Jamey - Son of Jim Hawkins

Ryder - Son of ?????, Rebel

Ralpheus - Son of Rapunzel and Eugene, royal

Samantha Achrs - daughter of Mr. Smee, and rebel

James - Son of Hook, Rebel

Selket - daughter of Scroop, Rebel

Damian and Ciel - Sons of ?????, Royal

Darling Crowley - Daughter of Evil Queen raven/Dire Crowley royal(?) (made default by Vil as best friend and sister friend) (Vil: this bitch is a princess of ravens. Done. NOW RESPECT MY SISTER YOU BI-)

Malicisa Crowley - Daughter of Diablo/Dival Crowley (royal)

@adrianasunderworld @mangacupcake @writing-heiress @the-weirdos-mind @skboba-stars @nproduction626 @rose-tea-and-strawberries @anxious-twisted-vampire @yukii0nna @achy-boo @abyssthing198

[frankensteincest]

Iago is really out here saying can you bitches be homosexuals with me for a second. and he’s right

[teaveetamer]

Fates also balanced serious moments and with silly ones better imo

Partially because supports aren't locked behind chapters expect in a special case, so there's no magically unlocking a support that makes things awkward right after an important moment. (Leonie's first support really shouldn't unlock where it does)

Also no awkward instances of characters having a support and then being forced to wait five years to resolve it (Hi Mercedes and Annette).

I do agree on the silly being balanced much better! I find most of the silly moments in the plot are more for breaking the tension rather than coming completely out of left field. Like, just one that comes to mind from the end of Birthright is when Sakura fuckin' bitch slaps Iago with her stave. It's a serious moment given everything that's going on, but you kind of have to laugh and the image of tiny shy little Sakura bludgeoning a grown man with a blunt object meant for healing.

But it also works at advancing the scene, and it makes sense for her character. They didn't just say "haha and then wouldn't it be funny if Sakura hit a guy with her staff!". She's shy and she's sweet but one of her core motivations is protecting her family. Even if she's weak she'll still do everything she can to help. This happens in response to Takumi directly being threatened, so it also doesn't feel out of place for her at all. It is quite literally Sakura doing the only thing she can in a last ditch effort to save her brother... it just so happens to be a bit comical. Also the followup with Takumi then saving her is. It's so sweet. It's so good. I love you, my precious little Fates siblings.

I feel like people really exaggerate the amount of silly in Fates compared to other entries too. Most of it is contained to the supports and like... 3H also has ridiculous supports that are comical or completely stupid. All of the games do. As we speak people are memeing about L'arachel fainting like a delicate maiden over seeing a peek of Ephraim's bare shoulder.

Also poor Leonie is going to go down in history as the example of a character getting completely shafted by a poorly timed support unlock, huh.

[silvcrignis]

DOSSIER CHEAT SHEET

LEGAL NAME: Captain Jamie Guinevere Hook

NICKNAME[S]: Captain Hook to all you hoes who don't know her like that, Jamesie (Only Pan's bitch ass gets away with it), Sea bitch, Semen Demon, Open Door Policy (Devil De Vil is bad boyfriend, he's so disrespectful), JAMES! (Claude calls her James when he's drunk she doesn't mind it), Bitch (She & Ursula call each other this in friendly mildly sexually tense rivalry), My Beloved (Maleficent)

DATE OF BIRTH: 11/9/1876 (Ain't no way this bitch not a Team Scorpio Member)

GENDER: Female, Cis woman (Gendbend haters can uhhhh suck me?)

PLACE OF BIRTH: England (Google said Hook never revealed where exactly he was from & deadass Jamie wouldn't tell anyone LBR)

CURRENTLY LIVING: New Auradon when she's not... On the ocean pirating

SPOKEN LANGUAGES: English, Spanish, Faelish, French, Latin, That weird pirate garble that only other pirates understand, Demontongue & apparently she can speak the language of the Old Ones wtf Jamie???

EDUCATION: Attended Eton College as well Balliol College during her youth.

HAIR COLOR: Black

EYE COLOR: Blue

HEIGHT: 6'2

WEIGHT: 185 (Most of it goes... If you've seen Lana Parilla... You know where man...)

FAMILY INFORMATION

SIBLING[S]: Delphia Smee (Found family, Sister)

PARENT[S]: Guinevere neè Astley Hook (Deceased), Captain Tiberius Hook (Deceased)

RELATIVE[S]: None, she's a pretty solo rider in terms of extended family

CHILDREN: Harriet Hook, Henry-Conrad "Harry" Hook, @wiickedxgood Hugh Hook, (I know Descendants canon says she/Hook has more but... I don't fuckin care lmfao tbh)

PET[S]: The crazy bitch managed to tame a Kraken that follows her ship around. She also has a parrot when Iago gets bored pfft.

RELATIONSHIP INFORMATION

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual/ Polyromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Engaged to Peter Pan (she wants him to die), dating Devil De Vil (Also wants HIM to die), dating Maleficent Faire (touch a hair on her luv's head & feel her blade's sting)

SINCE WHEN: Jamie x Devil x Maleficent have been a thing since... 18 years I wanna say. Yeah Harry's 18 & Devil is his father so yeah. Peter & Jamie have been officially engaged for a good 2 years. Peter is shit at wedding planning & keeps changing his mind she's gonna drown that man.

Tagged by: @lettherebemonsters

Tagging: @fantasywritten (Mark & Emma pls), @dcmur3, @amaidasfairassummer, @ambitionbled (Gianna Claude misses her v much), @rhaigal @muutos (BUT SPECIFICALLY FOR FLORA && MISSY I LOVE THEM?!) @khalaesi (Rosa & Miguel I love them & need them pls), @verreprincesse, @darkheartedprince

[obsidiancreates]

Lol 2012 Raph just ripping that Kraang's robotic guts out and '87 Raph can't even be assed to watch. He's just vibing with his magic pizza, man. I love him.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO '87 MIKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OH GOOD THEY SAVED HIM

AYYYYYY WE BACK TO 2D no they need to stop having '87 Raph and 2012 Donnie talk to each other at all I'm sorry it's just odd

2D 2012 KRAANG WHOO

PRIMARY TURTLE REALITY?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? PLEASE TELL ME THEY GO TO ONE OF THE DARK FUCKED-UP COMICS

DAMMIT IT'S JUST THE DONNIES BUT YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IT'S COMICSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS aw but all they did was sorta dull the colors of the boys, they didn't even make them comic-looking. I'm disappointed and also now confused about how the laws of dimension-hopping work in TMNT, do you become adherent to the appearance and physical laws of the dimension you're in or not?

HA IT'S THE GRITTY-ASS COMIC TURTLES SHIT THEY READY TO KILL OUR CARTOON BOYS HOLY CRAP STRIGHT-UP MURDER ATTEMPTS THEY'RE SO SCARY IN THIS PART

WOW WE BARELY SAW COMIC LADS

OH OH HE SAID "HENIOUS" OKAY FOR A SECOND THERE I TRULY THOUGHT '87 KRANG CALLED THEM PENIS REPTILES

yeah bitch don't show them the fucking remote, idiot Iago Krang

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT IAGO DIDN'T KNOW '87 WAS WIPING OUT WHOLE DIMENSIONS- oh hey I hate '87 Krang but that was mean, Iago.

'87 RAPH DECAPITATED THE IRMA HEAD FROM IAGO WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wait now 2012 Raph is pronouncing his own name weird too

PFFFFT '87 LEO CALLED IAGO A DWEEB LOL AND YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY 2012 LEO SAID TURTLE POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Wait a fucking second I recognize the way '87 Leo jsut said "That's not good" I know that fucking voice crack is that- *googles* ... IT IS HE'S THE SAME VA AS HEATH BURNS FROM THE OG MONSTER HIGH GENERATION HOLY SHIT IT'S HEATHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT ANNOYING LITTLE BASTARD HELL YEAH PREVIOUS HYPERFIXATION CROSSOVER WITH CURRENT HYPERFIXATION WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Pfffft the Mikey's are playing hackysack with Iago I love it- AND HERE COMES 212 DONNIE WITH HIS ODD ADORATION OF USING HIS BO AS A BAT BABEY AND '87 WITH THE PORTAL TAKEDOWN WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oh shit he sent him to the comic dimension. Oh Iago is so very dead.

WHICH FUCKING ROB PAULSEN TURTLE SPOKE YOU CAN'T JUST NOT SHOW ME WHICH ONE SPOKE I THINK IT WAS '87 RAPH BUT MAYBE 2012 DONNIE JUST NEEDS TO CLEAR HIS THROAT YOU NEED TO SHOW ME

YAY THE LEOS THANKING EACH OTHER

AWWWWW THEY ALL BOWED TO EACH OTHER- hey why's this music so... Snapcube Sonic '06 Dub-esque

YAY AN '87 ENDING SCE- the scene from the previous season where they sent the Mutagen Worm into '87? Wait what? MORE TIME TRAVEL SHIT

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT SLICED OUT OF- OH SHIT I FORGOT TIGERCLAW WAS INSIDE OF THAT THING OH GOD- IT ENDS ON THEM LEAPING AT TIGERCLAW?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! IF HE HRUTS MY '87 BOYS I'LL SHAVE OFF EVERY SINGLE FUR HE HAS INCLUDING HIS WHISKERS AND THEN LOCK HIM IN A ROOM WITH RISE SPLINTER WHOM I'LL TELL TO TELL LOU JITSU REJECTED SCRIPT STORIES AND TIGERCLAW WILL HAVE TO SIT THERE AND LISTEN TO HIS ONW VOICE LAMENT ABOUT HOW THE LOU JITSU IN SPACE MOVIE NEVER GOT MADE OR WHATEVER

MY '87 BOYS BETTER BE ABLE TO WHOOP HIS SORRY ASS

[daffodi1]

If I was a high school english teacher I would eat that shit. All you have to do to get kids engaged is give them a classic character and tell them to make that bitch a kinlist. Like, yes, write me an essay about how Iago would totally kin Komaeda or whatever. RIP to people who can't keep kids engaged but I'm different

[cornytheclown]

Part 2/3 of my Fates Villains Character Analysis series at 1am.

Up next is Hans

Hans

Much like Iago, he is also a major asshole. Unlike Iago, he is a very different breed of ass. Hans is much Much more of a sadist and brute, practically reveling in the bloodshed that he brings.

He started from the bottom as a lowly crook. A horrible criminal apprehended by Prince Xander of Nohr himself…but released and promoted to Commander of the Army by King Garon (who at this point is possessed by Anankos and is off his rocker). He Swears that he’s rehabilitated though! He’s learned his lesson, he’s not gonna be a violent man anymore!

Right off the bat, he’s sent to follow Corrin and the crew off on a mission to check on the old fort. And Right off the bat, Hans screws over everyone involved by killing a Hoshidan guard on standby, for seemingly no reason. And ends up starting problems - he causes problems On Purpose. Though, they do find out not too long after (in Conquest) that this was part of Garon’s plan in the first place, so Hans isn’t as meat-headed as you’d think. He’s just following orders!

Throughout the game in his appearances, you can see just how much Hans loves to kill. If you thought Iago had disregard for human life, Hans straight up mows down people for fun! He takes so much pleasure in the pain and murder of others, the more gruesome, the better! The way he killed Scarlet says it best - off with her head in Revelations, and off screen in Conquest (you could only imagine what he had done to her there).

I think it’s fair to argue that, no Garon, Hans is not a rehabilitated, changed man who found Jesus in prison.

But he’s not Just a killing machine who loves to murder and kill and maim. He actually has some pretty strong ambitions, and follows his orders well enough as a surprisingly well suited commander.

Granted, his method of training his men is having them kill each other. Despite an unorthodox and probably detrimental method, he’s able to command an army pretty well for a man straight out of jail.

And it’s more than being a commander that he wants - Hans is looking to go All The Way to the Top! Much like Caellach of Sacred Stones, his goal is that of Rags to Riches - clawing his way up from being a crooked brute to a corrupted king of his own kingdom.

This was something mentioned in his appearance in Heroes so I don’t know if it’s mentioned in game as well in Fates, but you can tell that he’s more than willing to follow Garon’s orders and command his troop. For such a barbaric man, he has a strong loyalty towards Garon. Though, I suppose if the King bailed you out of the slammer and hired you to be his commander in the army in return, you probably wouldn’t bite the hand that fed you.

And given Hans’ strong ambitions in mind, sticking loyal to the King seems like the best way to go. Garon seems pretty open minded about the slaughter of innocents these days anyhow, so that’s something that he can get behind.

He’s not above throwing other people under the bus to get to where he wants to be either. He threw Corrin under the bus after Cheves, claiming all of that slaughter and such was mostly Corrin’s doing.

Okay seriously, every other chapter he’s in in the games, he’s killing someone. Civilians and War Prisoners - even ones that weren’t supposed to be killed, It’s mentioned that many of his crimes include Robbery and Murder, but this man would be a serial killer if given the chance, if he hadn’t been already! The fact that it’s war is a good enough excuse for him to throw his hands up and be like “Welp, might as well kill them all!”

There’s art that Kozaki made of a very well dressed Hans with two ladies, each on one of his arms, and I wanna say that’s canon too. Hans absolutely gets bitches when he’s not killing it on the battlefield.

The fact that he’s more than capable of turning on the charm and scoring outside of battle makes the theory of him being a serial killer even more likely. There are a lot of serial killers who are notoriously charismatic, and it’s often how they’re able to mask their true nature so well and avoid being caught. I might be thinking too deep into this art piece but I dunno. I don’t think it would matter to Garon though, or Iago. Just means that he’s perfect for the position.

I don’t think Hans is that deep of a guy overall. He’s a simple man with simple desires: Murder and Power. He was once a lowly Brigand sentenced off to jail, but now he’s a free man and given the power to command an army. All without any sort of remorse for his previous actions.

The only thing he truly wants is to go even higher beyond his own station, and to kill as many people along the way. A true sadist at heart. He will kill anyone whose Not even in the way, if he so wants to. As long as he can get ahead in his goals regardless, then it’s alright! He’s loyal to Garon both for the opportunity he gave him and also to get him higher up on the ladder and closer to becoming king himself!

That’s all he wants - to become King and to kill people. All while getting tail on the side probably. I think that simplicity is what makes him such an entertaining character to me. He’s 2 dimensional for a reason, there’s no tragic backstory or any justifiable reasoning for what he does. He’s just a horrible man. It would’ve been nice to maybe see more of him expressing his ambitions, maybe expanding on that but personally, Hans is perfect the way he is!

As a character.

Seriously I think almost everyone would be dead if Garon didn’t have a hold on Hans like he does after freeing him. The pursuit of his personal goals is the only reason why he hasn’t just tried to outright murder everyone both on the opposite side and his.

I don’t have a lot of Misc HCs for Hans tonight, other than him frequenting the pubs and being a surprisingly successful ladies man. And also having some kind of affair with Iago on the side.

Hans is like 90% straight, but I think he and Iago have smth going on between them. You can’t tell me those two hadn’t hooked up once or twice while on missions or between.

Ain’t no way.