#id say something poetic about it but its 1 am and i wasted all my pretty thoughts on writing a silly fanfic

[beiyuanism]

something something "you must take that emotion and you must bury it" something something "he left me (...) so i had to bury it on my own"

[summoner-kentauris]

The United Fódlan-Magvel Post-Time Skip Map, Type 1

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FIGURE ONE

Figure One is simple enough, it’s just the important places in Fódlan with names on it.

FIGURE TWO

This is where it gets juicy. We’re going to go through each of these places more or less individually, so this is going to be a long post, be forewarned. Now, all of these are located roughly where they ought to be in relation to one another. Which means, in many cases there isn’t much choice behind the decision. Still, there was at least a little bit!

[Keep Reading Link Below]

North Magvel

The Black Temple

The Black Temple was placed directly on top of the ruins of Garreg Mach Monastery, as detailed in Post One. This is the site of the Holy Mausoleum, and makes a perfect one-to-one translation to the place where the Demon King Fomortiss’ body will be sealed. Likewise, Garreg Mach is located right next to the Sealed Forest, the one place in Fódlan known for, well... sealing and darkness. From the Sealed Forest will come Darkling Woods. This leads us nicely to...

Caer Pelyn

As some of you may yet be tired of hearing from me, Morva makes a wonderful Seteth. Caer Pelyn has to be near the Black Temple anyway, but there’s something terrifically poetically sad about the last Nabateans hovering around whats left of Garreg Mach.

Neleras Peak

Let’s go ahead and say that whatever disaster laid waste to Faerghus and the Alliance, it involved the javelins of light. One was sent to Garreg Mach, but, as we know, it is protected. Instead, Neleras was detonated, and left in a state of lava-y Ailell hell.

This, again, is is the only site whose location will be completely disregarded. I feel like putting it here again so you don’t have to click all around: in the lore, Mt. Neleras is supposed to be within the Darkling Woods. The Darkling Woods is centered around Caer Pelyn and the Black Temple. Now, the way I see it, you could have that forest cover all that land and still reach across the continent across two countries to where Mt. Neleras is supposed to be. You could also not do that very unpleasant thing. Just- just move it. It’s easy. Look, I’ve done it myself right here.

Melkaen Coast

It’s a coast. It’s located on a coast. Nothing special going on here.

Hamill Canyon

We’ve moved this quite a far bit. For one, a large offshoot of mountain range is no longer here in places. For two, remember that chasm Byleth fell into? Yeah, me too.

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Midwest Magvel

Renais

Renais grew from what was left of Remire Village. Much like on the original map, it is protected on the east by mountains, which also render Caer Pelyn inaccessible from Renais.

Za’ha Woods

Now, if I were to remake this map, I’d stick the Za’ha Woods in the Sealed Forest, because Zahras is too linguistically close for me to not want to line them up.

Borgo Ridge

There is actually a small ridge on the Fódlan map right in the vicinity of where Borgo RIdge needs to go. So that was a no-brainer.

Teraz Plateau

It’s a plateau. Near vaguely altitude-y places. Not much else to say here.

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West Magvel

Frelia

Frelia is located within range of the Brionac Plateau. You have no idea of deeply desperately I wanted to put it ON the Brionac Plateau. A pegasus-culture located on a giant fantasy plateau? SIgn me the fuck up. Anyway, Frelia is SUPPOSED to be on the coast, though. So, on the coast it goes. Why are there so many plateaus on this map anyhow?

Fort Rigwald

This isn’t located near anything important on the Fódlan map. The Magvel country borders are quite different, so it makes sense that new forts would have to be constructed. I’m still sad about it, though.

Border Mulan

On the Fódlan map, this location is listed as the Western Church. We will assume for this map that whatever they built was strong, and exists in some for or another in Magvel time. At any rate, this location is now Border Mulan.

Ide

North of Borgo Ridge. End of statement.

The Tower Of Valini

This is located on Lake Teutates. There already is the ruins of a tower there already so. Why the fuck not?

(Answer: because Lake Teutates sucks and I wish I could wipe it off the map with my bare hands. Indech do not interact.)

Visual aid for those of you who haven’t been forced to look at Lake Teutates for fifty thousand years and also never used the zoom in mode:

Some other interesting information about Valni/Teutates here:

Valni is Russian for waves (волны). Interestingly enough, the singular form волна is the name of a specific submarine launched ballistic missile.

The Tower of Valni is, of course, notable for having those terrifically obnoxious light beam weapons. Three House is, of course, notable for dropping actual fucking missiles on you. Missiles called javelins of light.

I’m bolding all of that because I’m very excited about it.

Port Kiris

Port Kiris is located in Magvel near the coast of the Northern Sea. I made a minor error in this map, and didn’t place Kiris far enough west. Anyway, in this map Kiris is also located at the end of a river that connects it both to Border Mulan and Frelia, which gives this town more trade power. It is a sea port and also, a river port. Hurray!

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The Bay

Serafew

Serafew could be in a range of places. We’ve placed it in the central north of the bay. It is fed by a whole lot of rivers, which would help maintain the city from a logistics point of view. I’m guessing they have a lot of fertile land from the Adlas Plains, as well.

Adlas Plains

Adlas remains at the north mouth of the bay. There is a notable lack of Adlas’s forests in Fódlan’s map; on the other hand, there aren’t really any forests displayed on the map.

Bethroen

Bethroen’s path on the Sacred Stone’s map curves oddly; here, that is replicated and also reinforced by the mountains that back Bethroen. Presumably, here the path is curved because it is a path through the mountains.

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South Magvel

Renvall

I really wanted to put Renvall on the ruins/same place as Fort Merceus. Renvall is also located, though, at the base of a river. There is one of those slightly to the left of Merceus. Plus, as we’ll get to in a second, Grado has a pretty set location. All of that means Renvall can’t really go on Merceus. It’s honestly the most reasonable choice, given what happens to Merceus in some of the routes.

At any rate, this is generally where Renvall goes. South east of Adlas, north of the Empire. Both Grado and Adrestian.

Taizel

Taizel is probably the one I’m least happy with. That area on both to Fódlan and Magvel map is occupied. However, in Magvel, that spot is just some town, whereas in Fódlan, its the whole capital of the empire. 800 years is a long time, but to completely wipe the importance of such a well established city? I just don’t know.

Either way, the location lines up wonderfully. As an additional note, both Enbarr and Taizel have rivers to the east of them, and this is continued here.

Za’abul Marsh

It’s a marsh. It goes both near a river, and directly between Taizel and Grado. Not much interesting happening here as far as all that goes. Fódlan provides that excellent river mentioned above.

Grado

Ah, the big one of the region. Grado is near the peninsula. It’s not directly below Renval, or Jehanna Hall, but rests somewhat inbetween the two as far as longitude goes. This area on the Fódlan map has something called the Morgaine Ravine. Now, I’ve finally finished all four routes and as far as I can tell, this fucker has come up exactly zero times. Still, it’s a place notable enough to get a name on the map, and more than that, it’s got earth-splitting connotations with that ravine name. Sounds like a perfect place to stick Grado’s capital if you ask me.

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East Magvel

Jehanna Hall

I am so tired. Okay. Three left. So, Jehanna. I don’t know about you, but when I see a gigantic tasty fields-and-plains region, I think, what if desertification? Anyway the point is, Gronder et al. can’t stay delicious and green forever. Especially with everyone and their brother dedicated to fighting on it, or burning it down, or stepping all over it, etc. On this map, this area becomes the desert that Jehanna Hall sits itself right down in.

Now, if only I could figure out who Metis is...

Narube River

Now, strictly speaking, the Narube is located to the east of Jehanna Hall. Why be strict, though, when the Airmid is right there. I mean, its right. there.

Rausten Court

“Hey, wait!” you cry. “Where the hell did Neleras go?”

“Now hang on,” I say. “I feel like I ranted about this. I mean though I can definitely go again, here let me just get my-”

Okay, now Rausten Court

Rausten lies across the River, to the east of Darkling, and occupies its own space away from everything else, really. Of note here is that it’s right behind the Great Bridge. I think that’s pretty neat.

Lagdou Ruins

FINALLY! I‘VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE.

Shambhala. End statement.

Alright, not actually the end of statements. But let me just say: Shambhala got hit by missiles, not destroyed. If people can make it out of there, bits of that place are still intact. And that’s setting aside the fact that, if you look in the zoom in map, that place is a hell of a lot bigger than just the field of combat. Anyway. All that I’m saying: Shambhala real.

AND, lest we forget. The ninth floor of Lagdou is in fact lava-burn-y. Which could jsut mean lava... or the predictable and regularly desribed aftermath of the lances of light that Shambhala gets hit with in canon.

Anyway. All that I’m saying: Shambhala real.

Because of this, Lagdou has experienced a bit of a shift. It is still located next to all the proper geographical feature, it is just that the removal of Neleras means that part of the continent is a bit stretched.

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Aaannnd that’s the end of this post! Stay tuned for the next post, which is just the nice final fancy map.

[justanotherangryartist-blog]

Everything wrong with me.

hold on to your seats folks, this is gonna be a hell of a list.

disclaimer: I don't promote self hate, I'm merely trying to come to terms with my own issues. if you feel anything like I do, I suggest you seek out professional help, tell your loved ones and hold on. they say it gets better and for your sake I hope it does. be strong everyone.

......

so lets get right into it shall we

ill start by saying these are both mental and physical flaws I have that have dragged me down and I feel that if I say them out loud, or even type them, it'll hopefully hit home cuz lord knows I need a right kick up the ass right now

1. I'm impatient.

let me clarify this, I know it seems pretty easy to get but bare with me. I mean impatient in both the normal sense that I hate things taking time and in the way that the worse my depression gets the more I want instantaneous results, I make fictional plans in my head with very precise deadlines and time frames in which to get certain tasks done. if they don't happen I get very upset even though these are fictional situations I am imagining. I also cant make myself do things in actual life if it falls out of what I call the “ideal time” which basically means if its not initiated or done all together within a certain time frame? its not getting done at all, like ever.

2. I have an addictive personality.

yeah, we all know this can be bad, even those of us with it but we somehow manage to full people into thinking we got it under control, that we are just passionate. which is total bollox and we know it. for example, I get addicted to people, which is a huge problem as I tend to put them on a pedestal and when they don't live up to this or do something bad or cruel, instead of getting mad then moving on, my whole world with crumble, because at the time, they would've been my world. it doesn't just end there. I never really let go.

3. I’ve got a gambling problem.

this is both in the lottery, scratch card and such kinda way and the more dangerous way of ill gamble with things such as people and relationships. I just had to delete the lottery app from my phone just before I started writing this post because I know how bad its getting, I wasted money that I should've been saving since I'm out of work on lottery games cuz the mere tiny chance that I could win money and make my situation better was worth it in my eyes. I even stole money from my ten year old brothers piggy bank when I had no money in my account to bet and I had to go to the shop to buy a lottery ticket. the worst part is I had no remorse or regret at the time. I also gamble with relationships I've had, pushing boundaries just to feel the high, flipping the metaphorical coin to see if I'm gonna get lucky or not and continuing to flip it till its all gone to ruin.

4. I eat away my pain.

I'm severely obese for my age and the only reason I can still move is because of my fondness of walking. I gorge on food to stop the thoughts in my head. the easiest way to explain it is when you're watching TV and eating crisps and you have to pause the TV cuz you cant hear it over the sound of the crunch of the crisps. its deafening. the more I eat, the less I hear the thoughts coursing through my mind telling me how much of a failure I am. the more weight I gain the more withdrawn I get, the less I change out of pyjamas because nothing fits, the less I wash or put on makeup or do anything because giving a shit means excepting what's happened and what people see.

5. I overshare.

not just my problems, but everything. infact I tend to warp my own problems somehow when I talk about them so they don't seem so bad and then I drown out my own concerns and others peoples lack of understanding by just chatting to fill the silence. people hate it. or atleast that's the vibe they give off. even my parents, always asking if I'm done yet or why I didn't use up all my words during the day. I just cant stop. the more people don't get what I'm trying to say (which is a lot cuz I never really know how to talk about my actual emotions) the more I talk rubbish. then theres times when I'm talking about something that makes me happy to the point of excess and I just get so mad because nobody understands that the only reason I'm doing so is this is the only way I know how to put emphasis on “ok this makes me happy, be happy that I'm happy, help replicate this feeling”. I hate that I'm like this.

6. I don't know how to tell people how I'm feeling.

I hide behind my sense of humour a lot because I just don't know how to explain why I feel the way I feel, like the world makes no sense why my emotions change so rapidly, why I'm scared to sleep in my on room anymore why I avoid talking about the future because I live minute to minute not knowing what the next hour brings but if you say these things people just get upset and say things like “are you taking your medication?” “why don't you just talk to someone?” “why don't you try x, y and z” when all I want is someone to sit there, understand me and be like “I get it, and here's what WE ARE going to do and then you will be better. it doesn't work like that though, so I don't say anything, because what's the point of voicing a problem if you don't have a solution right? then you just sound depressed and no one wants to hear that.

7. I lose faith in my own ability. a lot.

I normally like to think I'm a good artist, that I'm great at makeup, that I'm good with children, that I'm a good listener, that I'm a good writer, that I'm wise that I'm smart that I'm clever. I don't think that much anymore. see a seed of doubt was planted in my mind and my issue was I was the one that let it grow. I lost my mojo with my art because nowadays I do it in hopes I can sell my pieces online to pay something off, this fact then triggers a chain reaction that leads to me doubting its selling potential, that my works not good enough at all, that being commercial would kill my talent, that I have no talent at all, that all my works shit and then all I can think about is painting USED to make me feel good. now its tainted by thoughts about my lack of talent, my lack of commercial value, and the fact that a moment spent painting is a moment that that house isn't getting cleaned and the bills aren't getting paid.

8. I'm scared of everything.

everything these days sends me into a panic. noises, debts, responsibility, the way people look or talk to me, anything and everything. its like everything's new and horrible again, I'm having to re learn how to go outside my own house and how to talk on the phone because everything's so terrifying. noises upset me because they signify life going on around me at an alarming pace and I just cant calm down with everything so loud in my ear its deafening, cant you hear it? even now as I write this I find myself rocking on my seat as I try to calm myself down. my minds so loud that even turn my head feels like whiplash, like everything's to fast and the only way I know how to cure it is to shut it off to shut it all off. it cant touch me if I don't move. life cant find me if I'm sleeping.

9. I sleep too much.

sleep is putting it lightly. what I really mean is I shut down a lot. it works for computers right? have you tried turning it on and off again? how many times before it reboots, I silently wonder if ill ever reboot or if they'll have to take me in and get my parts replaced. I silently hope they do. I mean how many times have you taken a broken laptop or ipod in to discover its go a broken screen or keypad or memory and you're gonna have to fork out a lot of money to fix that single component only for another component to break a month later, how many times have you just bought a new laptop, secretly happy that you don't have to deal with the damaged one anymore. I sleep to fix my single component knowing full well my batteries gonna go out soon anyway. wont someone just buy a new one of me?

10. I'm a bitter person.

I should mention the importance of the present tense. I'm not becoming, I'm already here, but the thing is ive not always been bitter either. I used to be happy, bit fat, bit emotional but happy. I prided myself on the fact I could make people laugh and I would get upset at myself if someone thought I was anything less than happy, because then they weren't happy. now I don't give two shits. ive become bitter, angry, selfish and cold. id say all I care about is myself but I don't even care about me. I'm angry that the world continues on without me fully present, I hate the fact that I hate myself and that I don't look good, that I'm not healthy. I fear no one will love me or truly connect with me and so ive become a recluse to the point that even when I do go out I seldom have anything to really talk about except for how unhappy I am. I see very little hope on the horizon, the few moments I have are in my own head usually, which just adds to my bitterness for not being able to properly enjoy reality. every interaction I have is tainted with bitterness over trying to enjoy myself in the first place when there is so much wrong in my life. I hate who I have become.

IN SHORT.... I HATE MYSELF.

its kind of poetic that as I finished that sentence the sun came out and the warmth hit me right through the window. I find myself almost smiling, breathing evenly as I type, almost happy to get it off my chest. to admit that I hate myself? its actually a relief, because now I can try to work towards doing something about it. I'm not naïve enough to think this'll solve everything, I know there will be days where I continue to hate myself and try to self sabotage my own efforts to get better. I'm not stupid enough to tell you guys that I have a plan of action because as a person who lives for instruction, I can tell you I have no clue what I'm gonna do to get better, and I wont leave you (if anyone actually does read this) thinking that it gets better instantly. see what I mean about the bitterness? but I will say this, I am secure and resolute in the fact that I don't like who I am, I am resolute in the fact that I don't have an immediate solution, but this doesn't mean I wont try to find one. could take days, could take months, could go one direction then stop and turn back, it doesn't matter because in accepting that there's something wrong I have only one direction to go in.

May anyone else struggling with these issues find the strength to accept your flaws and begin your road to recovery, or atleast take the exit for recovery and maybe stop at a pitstop for a while before heading on down that route, I aint gonna judge. Ill see you there.