#ideally i won't talk about this again just because i don't like negativity on my blog very much

[traditionaldream]

You just totally refuse to read my ask and cling to your ideals. I specifically say I have no faith in the left or the right politically. You absolutely passed over the points I raised about homelessness etc, the living hell people are enduring right now. You don't want to face the ugly side of life and want to exist in a pastel paradise. This flies fundamentally in the face of Christianity. Jesus hung around with prostitutes and lepers. His creed is not an aesthetic like you are treating it.

Tbh I don't really care about trans rights etc. There used to be a process, people that really needed help in that way went through, but now everyone is switching genders at the drop of a hat thinking it will solve their problems. It's also opened the door to complete insanity allowing people who need mental help to dictate the norm. There is the minority of genuine trans people who are literally born the wrong body and need that help but that's all I support. When a man can say he is a woman at the drop of a hat to gain access to female spaces for malevolent reasons, his sins reflect unfairly on genuine trans people who are not like that. But the whole situation is a circus so I'm not interested.

You're young and naive, clinging to a conservative idyll where everything is safe and ordered and in a neat little box. Unfortunately life is not like that. You're constructing a fantasy around yourself and picking and choosing from the Christian faith to furnish it. Tbh you sicken me. I'm also trying to live my faith and failing. I struggle with sinning all the time, my negative thoughts against others, the hopelessness I feel, the urge to just do what you do and look the other way. I feel like I'm drowning. Death appears pretty attractive rn but suicide is a sin.

You literally just look the other way while people suffer. You're blaming them for things out of their control. You're too concerned with an aesthetic. You're too intent on achieving a Stepford reality. I pray for you and hope it's not too late for you to change for pride is a sin.

And this sickens me as well. You don't know me, you don’t know what i do outside of this platform, my background, my struggles, my living conditions.... I know the world is a messed up place but complaining all the time won't change that. Just because I don't talk about homelessness doesn't mean I don't care for it, you don't know if I've done anything for them, do you? No, you don't.

My political beliefs and my religious beliefs are mine, and I will never apologize for them. Again, you don't know me and I'm praying for you as well

[cosmicjoke]

What are your thoughts on Bertholdt?

Ehh, I don't really like him too much, if I'm being honest, lol.

I suppose my negative impression of Bertolt really comes from the way he spurned Armin's attempts at negotiation during the RtS arc. He knew no one there deserved to die, he understood at that point that the people of the walls weren't monster, and they were just defending themselves and trying to live, and yet he went through with trying to kill them all anyway.

Armin begs Bertolt to talk, and puts himself in direct danger to make the attempt, and Bertolt responds to the request by saying "If you talk, will you agree to die?" And then he says "We only have two demands! We want you to give us Eren! And we want all of humanity inside the walls to be wiped out! That's just how reality is, Armin. It's already been decided."

When Armin asks who decided it, Bertolt answers "I did."

Eventually Armin asks if Bertolt's mistrust of them is because they're all "descendants of devils" and Bertolt answers "Oh no. None of you have done anything wrong. And you're not devils. It's just that you all have to die. There's nothing you can do now."

Later, as Bertolt is flying off to transform into the Colossal Titan, he thinks "What a strange feeling... I'm barely even scared... I can see... everything around me... I feel like... any outcome would be acceptable. That's right... No one's at fault here... Nothing could have made a difference... Not in a world that is this cruel."

Again, Bertolt knows that no one is at fault, that Armin and the others aren't devils or monsters. Everything he was brainwashed into believing back in Marley about the people of Paradis had, by then, been proven to be a lie. Armin offered him an olive branch in good faith. It wasn't a trap, like Bertolt accused him of. He genuinely wanted to try and talk it out, but Bertolt refused, and so the situation escalated into what it became, and a shitload of people died as a result.

This entire sequence really demonstrates what we see again and again throughout the story, which is that attempts at negotiation, and attempts to avoid violence, while commendable, don't work unless both parties genuinely agree not to hurt one another. That pacifism only works if you can actually talk the other party into not attacking you, which, most of the time, if they're really intent on it, for whatever reason, you just simply can't. Remember Marco, and how he begged Reiner and Bertolt to talk, but they just simply refused, and then they killed him. The reasons why they refused don't matter, what matters is that they did, and Marco was murdered because he couldn't convince them to let him go. Or what happened with Annie in Trost, when again, Armin and Eren tried begging her to come with them peacefully, but she refused, and again, the situation escalated and a massive amount of people died. It's the same reason it's so awful when the Survey Corps travels to Marley in the hopes of negotiating, only to find out that nobody wants to hear from them. Again, the reasons why don't matter, it's just the reality of the situation. Sometimes people just won't listen, no matter how much you try to talk them down or out of hurting you or others. And if you can't do that, then you're left no choice but to defend yourself and fight back. It shows us why pacifism is and always will be an ideal, but not a viable reality, because there's always going to be someone, somewhere, who wants to hurt you, or believes they have to hurt you, and they can't and won't be talked out of it.

Bertolt could have saved a lot of lives that day if he had just accepted Armin's offer, and what makes it particularly egregious is that Bertolt knew no one there was a bad person or a monster or a devil. He knew the reasons Marley had sent them there to wipe out the people of the walls were bogus. He knew it was wrong. But he went through with it anyway, he continued on his course to wipe Paradis out, for no real reason. To do what you know is wrong, and to do it while also knowing it won't benefit anybody, that it won't save or better anyone's lives, that in fact it will actively lead to enormous amounts of suffering and death, is something only a bad person would do. So in a lot of ways, that's what Bertolt was. He even says that the outcome doesn't matter to him, that any outcome is acceptable. He's not doing it then because he believes he has to, because he thinks it will help him or anyone else. He's doing it because he's just decided that's what he's going to do. It's completely arbitrary. It's eerily similar to Eren, in the end.

Anyway, I remember I wrote a couple of posts on this chapter back when I read through the entirety of AoT, and you can read my thoughts here too, if you're interested:

[pr-incey]

Here's my (probably not) hot take on anti-shipping: it represents an instinct found in pretty much all of humanity, and that is the instinct to label anything that makes you feel a negative emotion as morally reprehensible.

We really, really cannot afford to condone or encourage this instinct. I can't stress this enough.

You think my incest non-con whatever shipping is weird? It makes you uncomfortable/triggers you? Well, no fucking shit it's weird! I assure you I know it is. I don't care if you think it's weird. I don't care if you think I'm odd or weird because of it. I am, and I've known this since I was very young. Your dislike or discomfort isn't the problem.

The problem is the reaction to this discomfort. In case it wasn't clear enough: SOMETHING BEING DISGUSTING OR TRIGGERING TO YOU DOES NOT ≠ MORALLY WRONG.

I've been in online arguments with antishippers who start from one of the typical talking points ("it normalises it in real life", "it makes people think its okay", "it's triggering to survivors", "it's not a healthy way of coping"), but eventually they get to "Well, even though you're right, it's still gross/you're still a freak!"

And every time I'm like, ah. Here's the real root of the problem.

Beloveds, please. Your disgust is understandable, but PLEASE. If a ship is so revolting to you for any reason, problematic or not, PLEASE just do what you can to make sure you never come across it again. Block. Mute. Unfollow. Whatever. This isn't even for my own sake; I couldn't care less about what people I will never meet in the real world think about what I do to fictional characters in my free time. I'm an adult with a job and responsibilities and your angry words online won't stop me from doing what I like to think cartoon characters.

I'm so passionate about this subject because I live in a country where queer people are harassed, raped, and killed en-masse because it is 'disgusting' to people. I have struggled with depression for years because of this.

And before you type "I can't believe you're comparing homophobia to not liking your fucked up incest pedo ships", I need you to actually listen to me. If you can determine what is morally wrong based solely on your disgust or discomfort, what's stopping other people from doing the same? Racists, homophobes, terfs and the like? You do know how many of their 'moral' arguments stem from disgust and discomfort, right?

If you can't confidently point to tangible harm being caused by the ship, individual or art, you're better off just avoiding it. Yes, this also includes if it triggers you, unless it was specifically made to trigger you.

Off topic, but this also applies to so much more than ships. I've seen people get dog piled just for being 'unfunny'. It's why I am so staunchly against cringe culture as a concept, why I don't care what labels other members of the LGBTQ community use, why idgaf about other people's consensual kinks. People are wired differently and are often weird or strange in one way or the other. The idea that anyone who deviates from what an 'ideal person' deserves to 'punished', even if they aren't actually causing harm to another person, is soooo dangerous.

[sol-consort]

Oh sorry I didn't know if I came off as aggressive or negative I sincerely didn't mean to:[ with my dyslexia I have a hard time wording and I tend to avoid sending asks out of anxiety and embarrassment of not writing right.. again I'm sorry I came across as weird I really didn't mean to :[

But to explain myself again I didn't know to to word it right I am curious as to why headcanon the asari as parasitic your reasoning behind it and stuff since I don't think I've heard a headcanon like that before :[ again sorry for the bother

The original headcanon post is self-explanatory. It goes into depth about the reasons behind their parasitic nature, even comparing them to a parasitic species of birds. There is really nothing more for me to say to make my reasons any clearer, I'll just be repeating the original post if I attempt to explain it again.

The parasite thing was never ment to be an insult or hate for asari—I didn't like the ask someone sent after it completely trashtalking them—I think the asari are cool and their parasitic nature is a very neat and unique survival strategy. I adore the asari, I wanted to explore their darker side because nature is brutal at its core, because I don't like the "sugar and everything nice" surface impression people have on them.

Also it's very hypocritical of people to hate the asari for these reasons yet give a free pass to the krogans' animal cruelty, Hanar taking drell children to build their army with, Turians making a military bootcamp mandatory for all of their children, etc.

Humans aren't saints either, homophobia and misogyny are human inventions that aren't present in any other alien species besides our own.

It was a character study of the less talked about aspects of the asari. Not everything in that post was headcanons. A lot of it were canon events and facts taken from the Mass Effect index.

Only the conclusion that they are parasitic is the headcanon. Not all parasites are harmful either, asari offer a mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship with the species they exploit...sometimes. Other times, they fully take advantage of them: see Vorcha.

The "grudge" thing is just a joke, a bit I do because I'm salty about them thinking they're inherently superior when it was only thanks to the protheans uplifting that they became what they are. But that's not their fault. It's asari government propaganda. And if it would've happened to the humans instead, we would've done the exact same thing, if not more severely, because of our egos.

It also begs the question, how did they survive before meeting other aliens? Did they just accept the negative side effects that come from two asari parents? Were they always parasitic, or is it a side effect from the protheans meddling with their DNA to give them natural biotics? Is it a constant exposure to element zero that made having children with each other so risky?

They need other species to thrive, even their economy prospers on the exploiting of more poor and uneducated species, their biology alters your perspective on reality to view them as the ideal attractive mate, they trick your brain into seeing them as appealing. That's a parasite.

However, asari remain my beloveds <3 So do krogans, salarians, and other species. Because they're not real, they're tools to tell a story, intricate imaginary cultures, and worlds.

-

I read wrong into your intentions in that ask, I'm sorry, you won't believe the amount of people that come into my inbox just to argue over small details or things that I wrote which didn't align to their preference. People who legit get angry over these videogames, lacking the ability to tell fiction apart from reality, or to separate their subjective perspective from canon.

However, in the future, if you see something I've written you don't like, just scroll. It's not meant for you. I don't always want to explain my line of thinking.

And even if I do, most of the time, you won't like my answer or find it satisfactory because you came into this discussion with preset ideas and opinions. You didn't ask this because you genuinely found the idea of a parasite asari fascinating. You asked this because you found it disheartening and assumed I held a real grudge, that this was out of malice to your favourite species. It's the same as the person who took the HC post as an invitation to come talk shit about asari in my inbox, just the opposite extreme, both are weird things to do.

Wouldn't you prefer to talk to me about something you actually liked in my writing? Ask me to expand on a subject you deemed interesting and fun rather than this uncomfortable situation for both of us?

I'd prefer that, too.

[eyesanddragons]

Heard you needed asks

How about Winter and Hailstorm meeting again after arc two?

Or maybe some Winter and Kinkajou friendship shennanigans

-Humans-hear-me-roar

Oh thank you for the asks!

On Winter and Hailstorm I want there to be, some resentment. I'm so sorry Winter Hailstorm sibling enjoyers, I am one of you but I think Winter would be somewhat resentful.

Let me elaborate, Winter, Hailstorm and Icicle have all been abused by there parents. Winter got the worst of it but Hailstorm and Icicle were also abused, I'm not denying that. However while Hailstorm was there for Winter, Hailstorm was still the top kid. The best of them. I can only imagine that now Winter is a healthier mental state and his brother is now alive and (in an ideal world where the epilogue didnt exist) actually recovering from his guilt complex Winter would develop...some resentment.

Because Hailstorm was there for the times Winter got beaten up and chewed by World's Second Worst Parents. Sure for the second half of his life Hailstorm was functionally dead but for the parts he was around for he was just there as Winter got hurt.

Is it far to blame Hailstorm? NO! Again Hailstorm is in a bad situation too and it's not like he could of done anything. I don't think Winter would blame Hailstorm either for not doing enough, this blog is not founded on the idea that Winter has a lot of love in his heart for nothing. Winter would understand and probably even thank him for being so nice to him.

But there is still that resentment, that anger that he couldn't of done more. Except now they can talk about it, now that Hailstorm is back and (again in an ideal world) Winter can dismantle the perfect ideal his brother embodied now. Winter having negative emotions about Hailstorm...paradoxically, in my opinion, makes there relationship better.

Because that means Winter can be honest, that means Winter is letting himself actually properly process his emotions and that he is comfortable enough with Hailstorm to tell him that. Because I think he would tell him that, I think Winter would admit that he feels a bit angry sometimes. I think Winter would wrack himself with guilt over it but I think these brothers could get through it. I believe in them. I think Hailstorm and Winter can recover and move on and get a more functional relationship.

On Kinkajou and Winter shenanigans ignoring book 10 I think they'd have a nice dynamic. The "happy cheerful" character and the "grumpy gloomy" one is a classic for a reason but other than that I think they just mesh really well together.

We don't have a lot of stuff on there dynamic which is sad since I think there could be a lot to them. I got some stuff for the magical girl AU in my head, I was thinking about combo attacks. This won't be about that but I just want to mention it. I think after he breaks through all his toxic Icewing ideals and his internal justifications Winter finds Kinkajou's earnest excitement and sincere joy refreshing, if only a bit tiring and sometimes annoying. I think maybe later on in life Kinkajou is sort of his exploration buddy. I think Kinkajou likes showing Winter various plants and locations she finds. I think Kinkajou helps him forage. I think they could be good buddies.

[melrosing]

Anon from yesterday 👋. Sorry irl stuff got in the way. I'm not super well versed in your content but so far I do think you talk about her in a way that isn't "Cersei is an evil bitch just because" and i deff said as much in my first ask. I also fully understand the internalized misogyny in a mother not liking her daughters as much as her sons and that's where you were going with for Joanna. What I noticed when i saw your AU was that BOTH Joanna (her thoughts/feelings) and the AU itself (themes etc) are more outwardly negative and less symphatetic towards her than the others.

And IT'S SO HARD FOR ME TO EXPLAIN THIS VIA ASK BOX but i am basically going to reemphasize what I said before and also say that i think there is a bias for imagining AUs that put cersei in a more negative (and less…idk kinder? gentler? considerate?) light than her brothers whether it's one dimensional or complex and I noticed that in your AU as well, as if she was always doomed to have a dark cloud over her head while her brothers got even a tiny bit of shine and light. I can provide examples if you wish to continue the convo. Anyways I don't mean to overstay my welcome so i'll just leave this as a case of us having very similar ideals but different ways of interpreting them. And btw that other anon was dead ass wrong about what they said about me. Like I promise I don't see her as a sweet angel victim and ignore how ugly and fucked up she is (esp the book version). I am genuinely SO sorry this ask got as long as it did.

no worries, I'm happy to discuss! but honestly, I'm kind of at a loss with what choices I made in this particular AU led you to ask whether I even liked Cersei as a character.

the whole thing (at least where concerns Jaime and Cersei) is based on the conjecture of what might happen to the relationships between the twins and their mother if she had gone ahead and shipped Cersei to Dorne - which, had Joanna survived, I think is highly likely to have happened, i.e. it was on the verge of becoming a canon event. and I think it only makes sense to conclude that Joanna and Cersei's relationship would take a semi-catastrophic hit if it did. like, that is a very heavy thing to do to a seven-year-old, and Cersei has always had a keen sense of injustice and sure can harbour a grudge, so I think she'd take it especially hard.

then of course the misogynistic motherhood is just something that I thought made Joanna's relationship with both Jaime and Cersei more interesting, because it means she can't truly see either of them clearly. in my mind it just makes sense for a Lannister, certainly for the wife of Tywin, and what we know of Joanna makes me feel she had some level of reverence of patriarchal structures. so, threw that in.

and also tbh, it's just more interesting to me than the notion that all the dead ladies of asoiaf would've been these girlboss mums teaching their girls to be lovely ladies or feisty villainesses, like it's just.... so boring to me lmao. like one thing with Catelyn (who I do adore) is that I kind of wish GRRM would go harder on her relationship with Arya. sounds like there's some tension there, old man. well, bust it open!!

so there's my reasoning: I picture Joanna as a deeply flawed mother who, in a moment of both protectiveness and prejudice against her daughter effectively exiles a seven-year-old who won't forgive her for it, and everything else spins from there.

and I guess I just feel like we're splitting hairs a bit here because I don't think I've produced anything that much happier in the AU for Jaime or Tyrion?? like I said of Jaime that he essentially has a distant relationship w his mother for the rest of her life, gets hitched to Lysa in an entirely loveless marriage, and lives probably a quite unfulfilling adulthood. Tyrion in the meantime.... I mean basically all I've given Tyrion is a different kind of abusive relationship with a parent lmao, and a life of isolation and toxic companionship. again, I think it'd be boring to have Joanna purely adore Tyrion or utterly despise him, so why not both.

and idk. I don't think either of the above is me gifting the Lannister boys something I'm refusing Cersei? like sure you could take it that way, but I suppose I'm just surprised that this disparity has struck you so much so that you think I must dislike Cersei to have even written it. you're welcome to provide examples if you like, bc honestly I figured it must be something substantially more than this AU that led you to send me the message - which is why I asked if you had some familiarity with the rest of my Cers posts, I assumed you must've read more than just this AU to make you ask that??

[daisys-reality]

Hey thereee! 💗😭✨ Not a loa related question but I want your help babe..:)Actually there's someone ( a close one ) who's constantly trying to convince me to go somewhere to be specific it's a school trip , I don't want to go so how do I say make him understand or how do I politely/lovingly say NO ? I'm asking u so u can give me 3-4 nice sentences I can to say to them ( Reason- I just don't want to go ,j don't feel like going )because my english is no that good but I wanna talk in English like advanced English like y'all speak 😭uk that urge! 😶

Oh ok well, let's see... (just so you know) I'm also not a native English speaker, I also make mistakes from time to time! I'm not so good at social interactions too but I will try my best to help you😅 I personally learned that the ideal way to express something negative to someone is to wrap it into positive things -> (1) saying something positive - (2) then the negative thing - (3) something positive again.

(1) I don't know the exact circumstances but before declining someone's offer or invitation, it's best to start with your "thank yous" to show that you're grateful!

For example, you could start with "Thank you so much for inviting me..." or "I really appreciate it that you want me to be there (the location)/that you want me to go with you..."

(2) After saying your "thank yous", you politely say that you can't/won't go and mention your reasons.

For example, you could start with an expression like "Unfortunately,..." or "I'm afraid, ...". Then, you say something like "I can't go/I'm not able to go/I won't be able to come/I don't feel like going..." and tell them your reasons afterwards "because ....".

Regarding reasons, I can only give you vague examples as I don't know your exact situation but you could say something like "I don't think I will feel so comfortable there/I'm not really in the mood to do XYZ/I would prefer to work on XYZ (something else like idk a project or homework you have to do)...". You could also use something specific about the event/school trip which you don't like as an excuse or something about the people going there. Another idea would be to use something about your personal circumstances (family matters etc.) as an excuse.

-> But of course, you can also use expressions like "To be honest,..." and openly tell them how you feel. I guess it depends on how much you trust this person and how open you can be with them. If you really wanna go into people-pleasing mode, you can mention at the end something like "I hope it doesn't bother you too much" or "I'm really sorry, I hope it doesn't hurt feelings :( ".

(3) Afterwards, you could show your appreciation/gratitude once again (shortly) and possibly make an offer to them in exchange.

For example, you could say "Again, I really appreciate it. Maybe, we could do something else..." (-> suggest another activity you could do together instead with them if they really just want to spend time with you). Or if you know that there will be another school trip you could say "I would be happy if we would go together next time." or "I promise we can go together next time" or something like that. It depends on what kind of connection you have with them (friendship, a romantic connection, a more familiar connection...) and on what their intentions are with you.

-> To be honest, if you feel like they're putting too much pressure on you to the point you feel uncomfortable, I think you should mention that, ex. "I know you only mean well but it feels like you're pressuring me to go even though I don't feel like going. It honestly hurts my feelings, I wish you could be more understanding". Like that, you could ask for their understanding you know.... or you could tell them that you're the type to prefer things slower or that you just need more time to warm up to things/ideas.

Again, I don't have enough information to judge your situation correctly but I hope my answer helps you somehow. I wish you good luck, anon!! 🤧🔥🍀

[thegoldenshi-shi]

OH NO! I WAS TOO DISTRACTED SQUEALING TO EVERYONE TO ACTUALLY THANK YOU FOR THE MECHS IN DRESS CLOTHES. I AM SO SORRY

They are bootiful, and I wuv dem, and gods damnit I need to clear off enough space on my desk so I can doodle them too. Also, I am happy to see steadily more and more people popping up to compliment Sides, he deserves to be in the spotlight. Sunny may have traditional beauty down, but Sides is that handsome boy next door whom spends their entire youth as an outdoor-playing sort of "dirty", and then cleans up and all of a sudden every girl within a five mile radius suddenly does that one spongebob meme of "Oh no, he's hawt!". And he deserves to be recognized for it, hehe. Even if both mechs are far too confident to get blushy from compliments, which is a true crime, tbh, cause both need to be seen hella positively flustered.

Also! I took Friday off of work because the jerkweed at my job was insistent on buying us lunch as a bribe, and I have too many complex feelings about people giving me things to let myself feel like I owe him. So I got to hang out with my dad, and we're gonna be sealing up my ladybug leaking window today after work. In other news /dun dun/ I was goofing around playing modded Ark: Survival Evolved (specified, cause I talk to a lot of people who don't know what that is, its about dinosaurs) and said mod was hybridization. So I made a manta omanite abomination monster. Twas chthulu, but as a bird. And I love him. I am naming him Flappy when I get home.

On an even different note, cause I've been doing my coloring books again recently, I've been debating on posting the progress of my books onto tumblr, cause I bought a one-sided-page book simply for the express purpose of being able to take the pages out and gift them to friends, so I thought it would be cool to have a visual timeline of what I have done, and how far along I got with different pieces. It would also mean I can take my watercolor pencils to the page the way I wanted to, without worrying about ruining the next page. Downside, I am terrified of posting stuff online, because I internalize everything negative people say about me, whilst simultaneously disregarding all the nice things people say. I am working on unlearning that, which being slightly more active in the interwebs would help with (exposure therapy, whooooo....)

Did/do you celebrate easter?

~Smooch 💜

Hehe, you are very welcome Smooch.

I'm glad you liked them. Sideswipe is a growing favorite I've noticed, and it really is a lot of fun to watch happen. Sunny is still probably the most popular of my designs, but his brother is coming on fast hehe. I REALLY want to draw some more robots soon, despite my other projects. I'm the mood for Mirage and Tracks atm, so we'll see what happens hehe

While the circumstances were not ideal, it is good that you got to spend time with your dad. And I guess congratulations are in order for your avian Cthulu lol Also congratulations for finding time to do your coloring books again. Coloring books are supposed to be really therapeutic(so I hear).

On your possible tumblr posting: I too like to have a timeline on some of my projects just as a record/checkpoint. Tumblr blogs are really good for that I have to admit. Your downside is my downside as well. It's hard to accept compliments and even harder to deal with negative nancy barking up your notifications. I still get nervous over pieces I post, particularly my original works, so don't feel bad. I admit that exposure therapy HAS helped me, but if you feel like it won't help you, then don't do it. But unfortunately, you won't know until you try.

And yes, I do celebrate Easter hehe. I play piano for my church so that's one of my busier times of year outside of Christmas (dear Lord at the Christmas carols…). I even dyed Easter eggs to give out to the kids at church this year, so I really got into it this time. It's also the time of year I get together with some of my extended family, so it's fun (and kinda tiring hehe)

[speedytimemachineblizzard]

**PLEASE READ AND PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME** IM FEELING DEFEATED, Although HE IS CURRENTLY IN JAIL AWAITING A JUDGE FOR MORE DEFINITE SENTENCING, I FEEL LIKE HE WILL STILL SOMEHOW GET OUT WITHIN A WEEK, AS CRAZY AS THAT SOUNDS...ITS HAPPENED MORE TIMES THAN I COULD COUNT. REACHING OUT ON HERE IS ONE OF LAST RESORTS. I STILL DONT FEELL SAFE. AND NEITHER DO MY KIDS. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Praying this will finally be the time they keep him locked up, but not feeling too confident.

Karma AT it's absolute finest was served on the very FIRST DAY OF 2024 too for a certain person I know. Today was Veda's 7th birthday, but this certain someone decided he had wanted to celebrate his way. All of my tires are now slashed, so as a result of that and not having the funds bc of back to back December birthdays and Christmas, I couldn't purchase tires, we couldn't take Veda out to celebrate her special day. She woke up to cops having to be called. My friends tires were also slashed, also this person stole my friend's debit card and car keys. I could go on and on but 6 charges currently, most definitely 7 when he is seen by a judge tomorrow or Wednesday. He admitted to cops he knew it was Veda's birthday, and that was how he chose to celebrate With trauma and memories I know she will never forget. I did my best to make her day that much more special, but my mommy heart can't stop aching for her. This person was also hiding in my laundry room outside for many hours before he was caught. This person also, yet again, violated the restraining order I have on him. I think this is the 5th time now. The system fails me and my children time and time again, he gets away with everything, all the time. And will continue to do so because he knows there will be no true consequences for it. This event was by far the most malicious and I am even more afraid now than I already was. Some may say that me posting this will make him retaliate. Yea...he mostly likely will. But I've been silent for 4 years, no communication with the person and he "retaliates"regardless. And since the court system won't serve justice, I'm talking it upon myself to reach out for help/advice. I've asked for guidance from Victims assistance, cops, and unfortunately something like my life has to be taken in order for anyone to take any REAL action. I can't afford a lawyer, it's not possible or ideal for me to move. This has been our family home for 15 years. Is there anyone, or even anyone who knows ANYONE, who can help me keep my children and I safe from this violent person? How, other than him talking my life, do I go about finding someone that will hold him accountable? Why is domestic violence treated like a minor issue that's not worth handling. He gets a slap on the wrist and a free pass to go back out into the world, basically allowing him another chance to "get me" again. This has been going on for years. Plz don't send negativity my way, and plz no judgement for my decision to take it to FB...just know bringing it here was truly my last resort.

Tonight we ended our night with pizza and ice cream and presents.. and even when we sung happy birthday to her, my whole heart was just breaking for her. She deserves the world. She is one of the sweetest souls I know. Please send me in any direction that will help us.

Karma was he got arrested within 5 minutes, whereas most times, he runs away and GETS away. Leaving us terrified to even sleep at night.

[idyllcy]

✨!congrats on the milestone!✨

might I ask for a dc comics batman/batfam matchup? (pls don't match me with Bruce though, anyone but Bruce lol)

INFJ

Leo (but I don't really vibe with it and I was born two months early sooo maybe I'm not supposed to be leo- I don't vibe with the confidence of a leo)

Age 24. Brunette. Blue eyes. 152cm. No piercings. No tattoos (although I'm half reluctantly saving for a big one to cover my thigh because I'd rather see some cool artwork than the stupid scars that I made)

Personality: Reserved. Reclusive to an extent and I'm not sure if that's just my nature or if it's cuz of the former years of mental illness just socially stunted me 🙃 or smth. Optimist by choice (negativity comes natural to me so I always make myself look to the bright side of situations and people). Turn the other cheek is my motto in fact I am rather a pushover and find it very hard to say no to people. Will take the path of least resistance and do my best to keep the peace. Don't hold grudges. Often become the mediator of family/friend disagreements. I love fall/winter, November is my fav month and I'm legit sad that it will be over in a few days and won't be back again for a whole year :( Hobbies include listening to music (love all music but the blues hit the best), embroidery, attempting to make my own clothes but its difficult, evening walks alone, reading (mostly Agatha Christie, Donna Tartt and H.G Wells), watching TV, reading fics on Tumblr, shopping. I'm a tea drinker because caffeine doesn't mix well with me it amps up the heebie jeebies, plus spearmint tea is quite soothing.

Ideal date: hmm idk I like a casual comfortable tea date. Or getting take out drinks from a cafe and visiting the flea market or vintage stores and just wandering about. If its not a first date then movie or boardgame night. Or a like a book club date where just the two of you swap copies of your fav books all highlighted and annotated and talk about it. I would consider this to be the best date ever but its too expensive but a date on The British Pullman ahh I would die authentic 1920s train carriage, everyone dressed vintage and fancy, multiple course meal while journeying through the English countryside in a private carriage, then visiting the Canterbury Christmas Carols or Castle ruins or Oxford, bonus points if the date is in November ✨

to be loved by you

Babs holds your hand as the two of you weave through the crowd to get to the front. Before the two of you lies a fake murder, and you tap your chin. Babs notes down the abnormalities, and the two of you go around interviewing the characters at the play.

"Who do you think it is?" Babs glances at your notes, and you hum.

"...you." You grin. "All the evidence points towards the man in a blue bowtie, but you dropped the USB. So, my darling partner? Care to tell me why you have data from the corpse?"

Babs smiles, closing her eyes as she does, laugh on her lips as you hum.

"That's cute. There's no way it's me."

"I'll show you." You hum, pressing the USB to your lips with a wink as you slip back into the crowd.

Babs shakes her head as her lips curl up as well. You'll see.

Headcanons:

murder mystery girlfriends you guys do SOOO much fun shit together (sometimes you attend murder mystery-themed events for fun)

Babs isn't afraid to speak up so if you ever start getting pushed around she will speak up and talk down to whoever is being rude

She will 100% take you around on dates to places you think are super expensive (Bruce pays her handsomely for being oracle)

You guys try new teas together!! Babs drinks a lot of coffee but she's always down to have some tea with you

Also, both of you are avid readers and Babs has so many books up her sleeve, so reading dates are super common too!!

[autisticlee]

everyone is always saying things like "it gets better!/be positive!/you need to believe it will get better and it will!/look forward to/wish/hope for a better future!/etc" you know, those type of things? maybe they mean well, but sitting here hoping and wishing for things to get better doesn't necessarily mean it will. especially if you don't have the ability to physically do anything about it. "thinking positively" doesn't mean your life will positively turn around suddenly on its own.

if you can't put in the work because of obstacles and barriers you can't do anything about, or because of consistent parts of your life you can't simply cut off because it's literally part of you, you can't say "things will get better" and they just do. you can't tell someone wotj chronic migraines that last for life that it will "get better" and give them false hope that their migraines will get better. it's better to encourage them to find ways to work around them such as finding a job that doesn't trigger them as much or something like that.

or if I put it more relatable to myself, telling me things will get better when i'm dealing with people and generally struggling due to being autistic and adhd. it won't ever "get better" because i'll always be autistic and adhd and struggle with people and life. I can only try to work around it to *maybe* make it a little easier *sometimes* but it won't ever get noticeably and consistently "better" because the world isn't built for me

when does this hoping and wishing become toxic positivity? when does it reach the point where it's more unhealthy to keep thinking "it will get better" when everything points to that not being the case? when does this positivity start blinding you so you ignore your problems and avoid them in order to appear positive outwardly even if you're obviously still struggling? when does it reach the point where accepting how things are and finding a way to work with or around it is healthier than blindly looking into an uncertain future, claiming it will get better, with nothing to show for or prove it?

people constantly yelling at me to "be positive/stop being negative/stop giving up/etc" when i'm being realistic and trying to find a work around when there's no solutions have forced me into this toxic positivity of "it's fine! i'm fine! everything is fine! nothing to worry about!" where I need to hide and ignore my problems to appear positive to them and make them shut up and happy. this always leads to more problems on top of the already ignored problems. I don't see how this is sustainable and why it's what everyone wants you to do???

if you dont have the means to change things, I feel like there needs to be a point you realize this and need to be realistic. staying positive can be a negative thing at some points. it can stop you from working with what you have currently and become detrimental in the long run if things ultimately don't get better. no one ever talks about what happens or what to do if it *doesn't* or *cant* actually get better. if you don't work on a foundation because you were waiting for that magical "better" moment to come, you won't be able to ever settle. you also may neglect your current self in the present, which won't ever help your future self.

besides, even if things "get better" they can even easier get worse again. if you had built that foundation, you won't fall as hard when it gets worse again. that foundation can catch you. you've been there and set up things to help you get through it, even if it's not ideal. if you waste your entire life away hoping or believing it will "get better" but it never does, then what? you could have found a way to realistically make it more bearable and live a little better life, rather than regretting in the end that it never did better

this is why I have issues with the whole idealistic "it gets better" rhetoric. it angers me that anything other than that toxic positivity outlook is seen as "negativity" and therefore bad. I prefer the neutral realistic and present approach to things. i'm just tired of that getting miscondtrued as "negative" all the time by literally everyone

[cosmicjoke]

Alright, chapter 204 of "Vinland Saga"!

Firstly, I know I keep saying it, but I just can't get over the art in this manga. I don't know how Yukimura puts out a chapter a month, but it's absolutely astonishing that he can maintain this level of artistry while doing so.

This was an awesome chapter, but just a warning, I'm gonna' get a little negative again.

I still have some concerns regarding whether this arc will conclude with the same sort of contrivance of previous arcs. Again, my biggest criticism of Vinland Saga is that it often forces the story to conform to the driving theme of pacifism, rather than the other way around, which can sometimes lead to an element of fantastical idealism being forced into a story that otherwise feels very grounded and realistic. And that, frankly, can often pull me out of the story. So far, this arc has managed to avoid that, and I hope to see that continue.

There's a serious conflict at play here between the Native tribes and Thorfinn's group, because undoubtedly, it's the arrival of the Nords which has lead, unintentional though it is, to mass death among the native people, and that isn't something that can be negotiated out of. Not realistically, anyway. I'm also wondering if at some point Thorfinn's going to be confronted with the fact that it was bringing his people to this new land that lead to so much unintentional death, and to see if he has to grapple with the moral implications of that. This harsh reality that, through his attempts to do good and create a peaceful land without war or slavery, he indirectly caused the deaths of an unknown number of people. Given that Thorfinn's driving motivation for wanting to create a land without war or slavery is a wish for atonement, for all the lives he previously took, I can't imagine this would be something he would be okay with, or take in stride. It would be devastating to him, I imagine. But whether that gets addressed in the story or not, I don't know. Like I said, Vinland Saga has a tendency to gloss over certain realities in order to drive home the message of peace and pacifism.

With that said, this chapter had great build up of tension with the Lnu and other tribes gathering, seemingly ready to go to war against Thorfinn's group, with the added layer of tension of Hild hiding in the underbrush, grappling with her own, moral question of whether she should try to take out the Shaman, before realizing it won't do any good now if she does, before then deciding she can at least disrupt the Natives chain of command and put them at a disadvantage. That was all great. My thoughts while reading this scene were that Hild, if she did kill anyone, was just going to make the situation worse, of course. It would be an act of war, a first volley which would kick off an unstoppable wave of hostility. It would have been the perfect way to show that violence only ever begets violence. But of course, it didn’t happen and I kind of knew it wasn't going to happen, again because of this manga's tendency in the past to have convenient solutions to complicated problems. Thorfinn and Einar and Bug Eyes all show up just in the nick of time to stop Hild from firing, just like with Ivar, and that's part of what makes me think we're likely to see a peaceful resolution to this conflict without real consequence or fallout, and that's unfortunate.

Karli has a bit of an exposition dump speech with Cordelia earlier in the chapter, talking about the line between war and peace, and wondering which side is right, Thorfinn's or everyone else who thinks Throfinn's a weakling for not wanting to fight. Cordelia says that Thorfinn has "the strength to be endlessly kind", which is of course a perfect summation of Thorfinn's character. It often takes greater strength to reach out and find the commonality between people than it is to be outright hostile or unforgiving. And that's kind of the point, and where I have a bit of an issue with this manga. In saying Thorfinn has the strength to be endlessly kind, the implication is that it's hard to be kind, because there's always a million different forces trying to pull you in the other direction, making it harder and harder to choose a peaceful approach when all you're met with is hostility or cruelty. Thorfinn's strength comes from his ability to hold to his kindness and compassion in the face of constant push back against it. The issue I have is that, though it floats these ideas, and acknowledges the difficulty of maintaining a pacifist approach in a violent world, nevertheless, the solutions to problems in the story are often achieved through convenient, unrealistic and idealistic means, and it sorts of undermines it's own claims when it does that. That's not to say Thorfinn hasn't faced plenty of opposition to his dream. He has, at just about every turn. He's constantly fighting against the potential outbreak of war or violence. But it's how he avoids these conflicts that often strikes me a contrived. Thorfinn was able to stop Canut's hostile takeover of Ketil's farm simply by making Canut laugh. Thorfinn was able to break up the Jomsviking's simply by having Thorkell threaten them. Thorfinn win's over Halfden's support for his campaign through nothing less than a total character shift for Halfden, forcing his character to work for the plot, rather than finding a way to make the plot work around a character who, previously, had been shown to be mercilessly cruel and ruthless in his business dealings. There's often just too many easy solutions which contradict the acknowledged reality that peace is hard. So here were are once again, and once again, I fear, Vinland Saga is pushing it's theme at the expense of the story. It wants the reader to agree that peace is always achievable, and always the right solution, when of course reality shows us overwhelmingly otherwise. But Vinland Saga takes place in a more or less realistic setting. It takes place a thousand years in the past, when life was infinitely more difficult than it is today, and when violence was often the only solution for ones own survival. So already, right there, the story has an uphill battle, of trying to convince the reader that peace is always an achievable outcome amid a setting of extreme violence and bloodshed. I don't really blame Yukimura for struggling with this aspect of his story. He wants very much, I think, for the reader to come away from it agreeing with him, that war is bad and peace is good. Well, and I don't think anyone would really disagree with him about that, anyway. It's just, I have some issues with the way he goes about trying to convey this message. The sad reality is that, while yes, war is terrible and always pointless, it's not even remotely always avoidable, because there's always going to be someone, or something, that wants to wage it. That's just a part of human nature. People are an inherently warring animal.

Well anyway, back to the chapter. Thorfinn and his crew showing up to the tribal gathering at a convenient moment, just moments before Hild kills anyone, just strikes me as, again, too convenient. It avoids disaster by the smallest of margins, but still, it avoids it, and there's no consequence to Hild's actions or determined mindset. Her decision to kill the instigators of war goes nowhere, and is ultimately pointless to the plot outside of creating some tension.

Now, I could be complaining for nothing, because the chapter ended on a cliffhanger, with the tribes pointing their weapons at Thorfinn and the others, with hostilities between them clearly at an all time high. For all I know, things could escalate beyond control and violence might actually break out between the two groups, and from there, peace and coexistence will be even harder to achieve. I just have a bad feeling that that's not what's going to happen. Rather, I think, if this manga's history is anything to go by, Thorfinn will be able to talk the tribes down and everyone will agree that nobody meant for the illness to happen, and peaceful relations will resume. I hope it's not that easy. It shouldn't be that easy. I'm not saying I don't want to see peace achieved. I would just like for there to be a little more uncertainty about how that peace will come to pass, a little more difficulty in getting there, and yes, for the sake of the story, I would like to see an actual conflict of sorts break out, because I think that's realistic, and it would do more for developing Thorfinn's character, in realizing certain factors are always going to be out of his control, and having to accept that, while still trying to maintain his pacifist attitude, but being placed into a situation where he either fights or dies, or risks those he cares about dying, and having to make that choice. The Nords brought deadly disease with them when they came to North America, and it's wiped out a significant number of the native people, and that isn't something that's going to be easily forgiven or forgotten, or at least, it shouldn't be. So we'll see how this develops. I just feel like the story loses a lot of its tension when you know a contrived solution is around every corner.

I know I tend to sound overly negative when I talk about Vinland Saga, and I don't mean to. I love this manga. It's one of my absolute favorites, and it has an incredibly commendable message. I just feel like, in it's later arcs, it's lost some of the grounded, tragic realism of it's prologue arc. Often, the best way to show the horror and wrongness of war is to force the viewer or reader to face the tragic consequences of it. That's what made Vinland Saga's opening arc so powerful. It showed the tragic consequences of war. It showed us a little boy's entire life being destroyed by violence and war, and his entire identity being reduced to an empty shell by it. It showed us the lives of other characters being destroyed by it too. The Farmland arc was very effective too in showing us the tragedy of slavery, through Arnheid's death. There's really no better way to drive home the message of war and slavery being a terrible, irredeemable tragedy than by showing it's cost. Vinland Saga hasn't done that in a long time, though. Rather, it's opted to try and make it's point by giving us conveniently peaceful solutions to problems which, realistically, would be solved through violence, and nothing has been lost in a long time because of it. In that context, Vinland Saga is in danger of losing its effectiveness in conveying the tragedy of war, and thus, losing its ability to make the reader understand why it's so bad in the first place. War is bad, yes. Now show us why. Show us why Thorfinn is so opposed to it. Show us why he’s right to be so opposed to it. Show us why Thorfinn is a true warrior for trying to avoid it at all costs.

Anyway, I hope I'm wrong, and that this current arc gets back to showing us why war is bad, rather than just endlessly telling us so. We'll see. I still love Vinland Saga, and look forward to new chapters of it more than any manga I'm currently reading. I just wish it would find that masterful, dramatic story telling again that it started out with.

[ihateeverything101]

i'm not upset with you, just going through a lot. i talked to Him about how i'm not happy or fufilled and He apologized and has been better since the talk but idk i don't think this life is for me. i don't like how He acts sometimes towards our other partners, like Katie. also i don't have any privacy and they don't have many boundaries. i feel more comfortable with no boundaries with Him, like Him coming in while i'm showering to grab something quickly or messing with my stuff. the other day Katie and him fucked while i was in the shower doing my morning things to get ready for work, honestly i don't care they fucked but then Katie came into the bathroom to clean up afterwards. i don't expect her to go to the other bathroom down the hall but she didn't knock, we haven't said: if i'm in the shower you can come in. like it's not that big of a deal but it's aggravting. her and my relationship is more that of acquaintance, it can grow to be more but like. ugh. not this way. not doing things than saying, oh i hope that's ok!! if you're not sure you should ask before doing the action. i HATE the asking for forgiveness instead of permission.

also me and Katie were at the grocery store yesterday and she was like oh do you want to get new loofahs? and i was like yeah!! and she was like blah blah blah yeah i've been using yours. that's not a big deal but come on. you never asked and i didn't tell you, you could use it!!

i work remotely on Saturdays and my work space is in His chill space. that is frustrating because i cant focus on work and sometimes when i'm on calls they'll keep talking and doing shit, i know it's frustrating on us all to share the space but come on. i'm literally at work, can you not suck His dick or just be flirting the whole time. it's so distracting and sometimes i can hear the customer even with the volume all the way up.

idk i'm glad He wants to fix things and work on things but i feel like it's too little too late, i don't really like Katie and want my own space which isn't plausible now and probably won't be anytime soon. i'm just in a tough spot because i don't think i can support myself on my own, i might be able to but it would be tight with all the bills and my income. i would need to make more money. i have a couple of places i could move into, "friends" from the internet they're both in New Mexico. they say if i moved in there would be no expectation for sexual things. i believe them but also, i don't want to jump into another toxic situation. i like these "friends" but they have some negatives and i wish i could just move out with myself only. i don't want to live in an awkward environment or basically the same situation im in now. also i would have to quit my job here in CO and move to a new spot.

if i talked to my family they would tell me to move back home but i don't want to do that. i want to be in CO so bad. i even have a huge crush on this guy i work with currently, my ideal situation would be that i can live on my own in CO, start living my life and doing things how i want again, rediscovering myself. keep talking with work guy and see if that develops, i don't want to rush it i don't even know if he is in a relationship

[local-crater-group]

--PRIVATE TRANSMISSION--

[Jaunty Fluttering of Two Sparks, Nine Materials, a Million Bells, Flightless Parallels of Balance, Accented Looking of One Imprisonment, Everything Alight in an Ideal World, Saccharine Sunset]

JET: Lately, Fang has been thinking.

JET: The, BVQT person has been, giving fang, some off feelings. Fang does not feel comfortable with ey.

JET: Fang feels like ey won't be able to help, anyhow. We are all in a crater, surrounded by the ocean. What could ey even do?

EAIW: In all honesty, I do agree with you.

EAIW: Eir entire proposed plan's been bothering me, just didn't say anything because, well it's the only solution right now

FPB: Yeah. Agreed.

ALOOM: I Never Liked It. Surely There Must be another Way.

JET: Agreed, and with fang hopefully doubling processing power, Fang will be able to come up with a solution quicker.

JET: Next time, EAIW, let us know please, if you get a feeling like that.

EAIW: i will. sorry

EAIW: just, almost anythings worth it if ALOOM gets to live, you see?

JET: Fang understands that, and fang is not upset, so do not worry. We all want what's best for ALOOM. We just, must be careful of others. So far interactions outside of our group hasn't been good.

EAIW: alright.

EAIW: yes.

EAIW: We don't have much of a data set to effectively judge that latter part though. I mean, we've only talked with BVQT and... didn't NMMB talk to someone at some point?

NMMB: I did! And they are quite nice! I'm hoping, others are friendly like him.

JET: Fang just worries for Fang's group.

FPB: Jet, I think we all worry. You probably the most out of all of us. I'm with you on the being careful of others part.

EAIW: ...Statistically speaking, it's really a 50/50 whether or not most others are like BVQT. Due to the limited sample size. well, we do have more examples, but...

EAIW: either way, id choose to gamble.

JET: Which way are you wanting to gamble.

JET: FPB, It's a senior's job to worry, and care for their group.

FPB: It is. As assistant senior though, it is also mine. Keep that in mind.

JET: That, doesn't make the worry any less for fang though.

EAIW: which way? the way of continuing to converse with others and allowing trust to form. even if it turns out one-sided.

FPB: I know. Just know that you're not alone, okay? You don't have to do everything.

JET: Fang, guesses.

EAIW: if anything, just to prove my current theory wrong.

EAIW: that being that everyone outside is terrible. because we do also have the example of SS' original local group. who are the aforementioned other examples. though they skew the 50/50 to a much more negative tilt.

SS: do not bring them up.

EAIW: I am not wrong.

ALOOM: Hey Cut it Out. Eaiw, You Know you aren't meant to bring Up fizzs Old Group.

EAIW: to be fair, they are also technically my old group as well

SS: ...

SS: youre the whole reason why they dont even like me! you didnt ever even have to talk to them!

EAIW: and was it ever my choice to be removed?

EAIW: thats right, no.

EAIW: im sorry that i brought them up, SS. but it was as a citation explaining backing up my theory. i do find that im perfectly justified.

ALOOM: Oh my Goodness, This Is Not the Time to Argue.

JET: EAIW, Drop it. We do not talk about that old group. That is still not a good reason to bring it up. If you do not drop it, I will temporarily mute you.

EAIW: gods, JET, i did drop it. i still find myself in the right!

SS: ...

SS: you do not have the right. to just.

EAIW: i do have the right.

EAIW: i get that you dont want to talk about them. no one is making you talk about them! im not starting anything, i was just providing proof for my theory!

[SS has disconnected]

EAIW: i did apologise.

[JFTS has temporarily muted EAIW]

JET: Fang really hates how these tend to get into arguments.

ALOOM: Yeah,

FPB: What I find works is to just ignore them sometimes. Often they work it out themselves.

FPB: Not this time, apparently.

FPB: Anyway, what was this conversation supposed to be about again?

JET: The situation with BVQT, and how we as a group, have made the decision to stop talking to em.

FPB: Oh right, yes. Thank you, Jet.

FPB: The question is though, do we tell Quiet about this decision. Even with a simple 'Not talking to you anymore, we don't trust you'.

FPB: Would be a good idea, in my opinion.

JET: We should, yes. Do you think you would be up to do it? I can ask EAIW and SS if they want to help too, if you wish.

JET: Unless you just want to.

FPB: I think it'd be for the best if I were the one to do it. Between Alight and myself (as Saccharine Sunset has never even talked to Quiet), I'm the one with more authority, and it'd make the decision seem... more official I guess?

FPB: Don't think I'd be able to stop Alight from jumping in and saying something though. If they're done sulking by then, that is!

JET: Completely understandable. Fang believes you will be able to get the message across.

JET: Thank you, Flightless Parallels of Balance.

FPB: Of course.

FPB: We'll... find a solution to this problem. Everything will be alright.

JET: Fang, hopes so too.

[tenelkadjowrites]

ahahahhaha no don't worry, my signal was in fact acting up (i'm on an island) so i decided to send the ask again just in case when i still remembered what i wanted to say! (also totally knew what to expect before i clicked the link 😆)

i know some people hate mullets with passion but i had no idea people were so nasty? his mullet literally attracted me to the group lmao. despite being a fan for a long time i only joined atiny spaces at the beginning of 2020 so i had no clue.

miss tenelka, taemin is my ult as well so i know what you're talking about, i've been a shawol for ages! though my feelings towards hwa are a bit different since taemin is like my bestie, my soulmate (i know, dramatic, i just relate to him and key a lot), and hwa is... my ideal everything... but i theory obviously

their first concerts were something else, i would love to see them again though, but so far it hasn't happened and probably won't for a while 🙄 (glad you're free from your ex)

ahhhh i see, honestly the gossip girl aspects didn't matter to me much, i liked htat the focus was more on the characters, but i understand where you're coming from. i definitely felt the presence of the city in arrow in the dark.

i used to have a hwa side blog (it's sadly gone cause tumblr is a bitch) and i still have hwa centred twt account. i mainly post(ed) about him, made gifs, edits, fan art and some people treat me like a solo stan it's baffling. i won't lie and say he isn't my fave, because he is and i love him the most, doesn't mean i dislike other members, smh.

in the end you have to post and create whatever you want, i'm sure people who bias other members and perhaps don't really read seonghwa fics are a bit jealous because you're such a great writer. so i can't blame them for wanting to read a story about their fave from you! but yeah they just need to deal with it. there's no use writing something that you dislike or feel like isn't authentic

yeah, it was mostly instagram comments whenever he would post a selfie. the comments were usually pretty negative and i remember being disgruntled over it and happy he didn't cave to pressure and change his hair. that's one of the reasons i love hj - he always wears what he wants and does what he wants to his hair and that's that. he's had hairstyles i've not been a fan of but i always love that he does what he wants stylistically boldly. and now newer atiny love the mullet and i constantly see them wishing he would bring it back so i feel vindicated in a way lol.

twitter is overall a pretty negative space. i use it mostly for shitposting because it's just a mess. sorry you had to deal with ppl thinking you were a solo stan. i don't understand the logic in that because there is such a diff between being a solo stan and having a bias, you know? if you ever start posting on there again, let me know cuz i am always kinda looking for good hwa accounts on there.

yeah sometimes i feel a little bit of the odd one out in the fanfic community because i know you are sorta expected to take requests, write for every member of a group, etc and i don't. i'm also shy and keep to myself and i struggle with any sort of attention me (i try not to be too aware of how many notes or followers i have because it gives me anxiety lol). most of the friendships i've formed thru the blog is because people have messaged me first altho i try to overcome my shyness and message people if they've written a fic that i've read and enjoyed a lot. i understand if someone likes my writing style but doesn't wanna read a hwa fic they could be a little frustrated i haven't written for other members but as you said, my writing is an extension of me and it's important that i write what i want and what feels true to me. the work is better for it.

thanks for always taking the time to send in thoughtful mesages.

EDIT: also i completely forgot to reply to the taemin part of this message omfg, sorry about that.

[astralunar]

damn wtf i gotta choose a better guy

(teenage drama, angst, yeah yeah yeah)

so. first boyfriend. first love. blah blah random ass teenager shit ill get over him yeah yeah. you see. he was a fucking asshole. however. i was too. going in this was never a good idea.

but we did.

let's talk about how i'm a hopeless romantic with 0 prior experience and trouble expressing my feelings.

this guy:

had me start all the conversations

never bothered reaching out

is blunt to the extreme

emotional responses include anger and apathy. that's it. he never fucking cries and i can count the amount he did on this year and that's three.

anyway let's get to the teenage angst shit.

so i made him cry the second time.

i will never forgive myself honestly because goddamn was that terrible

but i guess the best way to let me down slowly was to

try to make it work

clearly start distancing himself most times

when i start to as well he caught me back in

now me being a wishful thinker would cloud myself in delusion over and over and over again, knowing it was over yet hoping for a shred of a chance

yeah anyway he started a break (while intending to rip off the bandaid he changed his mind)

now whats the best way to do such a thing?

a. break up

b. 'break' while holding 0 love anymore and hoping that i drift away while claiming it was to spare my feelings

that month was agony honestly

because theyd been trying to add a new girl to the friend group and uh theyd been talking

like nonstop

24/7

now the thing is

he never ever did this shit with me

all i wanted the entire duration of the relationship was for us to talk

even if he didn't start a convo

and setting aside the fact that he had begun to serenade her and call her his #1 before breaking it off (not to mention the fact he told me not to worry about it)

with that girl

he proved:

he could indeed start a conversation (he mentioned starting every single one of them)

he could actually care enough to carry on said conversation

he in fact gave 0 shits about what i was feeling and was hoping i would break it off myself (he told me the latter)

he could care

he didn't start conversations with me

or care about what i was up to

or anything like that

i assumed my problems were just

him

and that me trying to change him was wrong (well yeah)

but HE DID IT FOR HER

WHY NOT ME

maybe i made a mistake

my ideal person i guess would be someone who fucking talks to me and bothers starting a conversation. that's it. someone to talk to.

he did not.

anyway i resent this girl (it is undeserved)

because hes

shown he cared more for her than he ever did me

is actually fucking good with her

when everyone was making jokes that she would replace me instead of going 'no you won't be replaced' he went 'she won't replace you she's so much better she'll take your spot and make it better because there isn't even a contest'

defending her when he never even bothered with me

i know she's better. i know she's prettier and kinder and nicer. i know she's an introvert unlike me. i know you get along so much fucking better with her. i know that she's quiet unlike me who can never shut up. who everyone needs a fucking break from. who's always fucking negative.

i know you're perfect. athletic. funny. compassionate. passionate. yet introverted. and lonely. and no matter how much i fucking despise you i hate seeing you lonely.

you two are perfect together. and i wish you would rot in hell. and i know that i don't want that.

the relationship was over the summer and fully online. i never got to hug him. she gives him those hugs. she lives the dream of everything i wanted. everything. his attention. his words. his care.

we fought. i pissed him off. so much. he deserved better and got it.

but fuck, man, couldn't you have ended it before she was your number 1?

before you gave her everything i wanted from you?

before you showed that you COULD fucking do it?

i always asked him how his day was and we'd listen to music together.

there were one or two perfect days in which we talked so much.

over months. only those few days.

two weeks of golden happiness and i fuck it up.

he could make me euphoric immediately.

'how was your day' i'd text.

'eh'

and i tried to converse from there.

do you know how euphoric even a single 'how was yours?' was?

the bare minimum expected?

absolutely nothing to anyone else but everything to me?

and he really didn't care about me did he.

he was my everything.

and i would have died for him.

and i'd still do anything. anything.

but he just wants to go back to being friends

erase everything that happened

as if i never even mattered to him at all

and he has the gall to say he still fucking cared

go back to your number 1

care for her like you never did me

and i hope you fucking hurt.

my solace was the fact i ruined his fucking music.

all of my favorites i gave to him and he ruined.

everything in my life was worth nothing.

my music.

my love.

my affection.

of which i showered him with everything i could give and more than i had

and when i failed to send him clingy messages at 3 in the morning

because he never particularly cared

or when i didn't reply to a single one of his i love yous

after i said it multiple times over

insecurities over whether i loved him or not

though it was always me trying to delude myself back into love

hundreds of songs ruined by our love

my place in the group feels wrong due to it

him moving on and wanting me to break it off

getting with some girl he clearly cared about more within 2 weeks

when i bring it up

he laughs and says 'technically 1 month and 2 weeks'

as if correcting it makes it worse

as if just to say 'i really was just waiting for it to be over'

thanks asshole

i know i hurt you

i know i pissed you off

but goddamn i hate you

but i dont want you alone again

alone like you always were

but now you have her don't you

as you two live my wildest dreams

i sit alone

with the knowledge i broke my first love into the ground

and now

i do not know what to do

eh

uwah~ so angsty