#idk breakdown isnt really included in this

[bitegore]

Wildrider for the meme thing

ITS HIM I LOVE HIM. THE MOST GUY OF ALL TIME. look at him and tell me he wouldnt homemake explosives and then store them literally in his bed or something. the only goddamn stunticon who you can hang with and have a good time, as long as your idea of a good time includes breaking shit, lighting things on fire, and getting hammered (which is my idea of a good time. idk about the rest of yous.) he is incapable of sitting still for more than 2.5 minutes and he can and will explode your microwave by accident and then go "cool!" and do it again on purpose the minute you get it fixed and then not really get why you're so mad after your house has burned down the second time. i love him so much. hes just like me for real

[breathe-2am]

hey idk how to tell u this but the big cliffhanger in s1 isn’t the crew being separated it’s stede going out to find ed when ed has fallen so deep into heartbreak and self-loathing that he’s destroyed stede’s ship and split up their crew. the cliffhanger is about “how will ed and stede fix their relationship after stede broke ed’s heart and ed went off the deep end?”

bc what’s going on with the crew is not the main storyline. the main storyline is the romance between ed and stede, djenks has said this many times. the main plotline is the development of ed and stede’s relationship. the show didn’t “shove most of the characters into 1 minute scenes between much longer gentlebeard arcs” in 2.04, the crew was just part of the B plot that episode, which is to be expected because they are all side characters who are always in B or C plots if they’re not part of the plot with the main characters (ed and stede). the main A plot of 2.04 is ed and stede making up now that they’ve finally been reunited, and the show develops this storyline in a rewrite/adaptation/homage to the play who’s afraid of virginia woolfe.

it’s fine if u don’t like gentlebeard or if your main enjoyment from the show is izzy/the crew, but if that’s the case for you then unfortunately you’re always have a harder time enjoying ofmd bc the writing in the show is always going to prioritize gentlebeard over the other characters. the crew reuniting was always going to be much less important than ed and stede reuniting and making up. that’s what david jenkins meant when he said “the show is the relationship.”

Heyo! I see my meme has breached the side of ofmd tumblr I usually interact with, which is really cool! Thanks for stopping by haha

I think your response is so emblematic of the shift the show went thru from season 1 to season 2- namely, that season 1 was an ensemble show and season 2 was not. Stede was the main character, yes, and he got more backstory and focus than a lot of the crew, but the story of the show in s1 was that it was a bunch of people with conflicting personalities shoved onto a boat together. Stede’s the center, but every other character gets focus as well. This show, by djenks own admission, was not originally intended to be a rom-com romance between stede and ed. He said that he didn’t commit to actually have them be together until filming season 1 episode 6- more than halfway thru the story of the first season, and that it was mainly due to rhys and taika’s acting that made him change it from an unrequited love to a relationship. So while the story is a lot about gentlebeard, saying that every other character is secondary to them and their romance isnt true.

I think a great example to bring up would be season 1 episode 7, the episode that solidifies (via lucius) that yes, this is happening. This is a very relationship heavy episode, but crucially gb isn’t the only focus.

Here's a breakdown: we start w a 1:00 gb scene, then roach comes in asking about the oranges, which leads to a 2:00 scene w the whole crew that sets up the episodes plot (swede has scurvy, we need to get more oranges). Jim protests going to st augustine, which is followed by a 1:00 scene between jim and olu, including a jim flashback. Stede and lucius return with the treasure map, there’s 1:30 more of the whole crew, then we go into the captains cabin for 1:00 of stede, ed, and lucius. 6 minutes into the ep flashes to the crew on land, a 0:50 conversation between jim and olu, then 2:00 of the whole crew, ending then nana invites them all to eat some cake at 8:15. We then go to stede, lucius, and ed in the marketplace until the 9 minute mark (abt 0:45), then back to the church where olu and jim talk to nana for 1:15, including more jim flashbacks. Back to the adventure w stede ed and lucius, which is 2 scenes back to back, totally about 3:00 (the “oh my god this is happening” scene). Then back to the church for jim olu and nana, a 1:00 jim flashback inside a 3:00 scene. Then back to the captains and lucius for 1:30, then to jim and olu, more jim flashback, then the a and b plots converge at the 2:30 mark when jim sees stede digging up their tree. Stede, ed, and lucius exit the scene after 1:30, jim and olu have a conversation for another 1:00. We see the crew leaving, then olu and nana talk, which all takes 2:00. Back on the boat, ed and stede become co-captains in a 0:45 scene, then the final 1:30 of the ep is izzy at jackie’s with 1:30 credits

Gentlebeard: 9:00, whole crew: 5:30, Jim and Olu: 11:35, Izzy: 1:30, credits: 1:30

I would say that s1e7 is the most overtly gb episode before the kiss in s1e9. But as you can see, it’s not just gb. There’s a lot of focus on jim, who gets multiple filmed flashbacks, there’s scenes w jim, olu, and nana, there’s scenes of the whole crew together, stede and ed are really only oncscreen together for abt 9 minutes- not even 1 third of the episode. And this is the ep that says directly to the audience “yes, they have a romance building”. I’m not trying to say w this that every member of the crew needs to b given equal screentime, bc that didn’t happen here obv, but everyone is doing something, and the plot is moving forward propelled by more than just the gb relationship.

Now this is very much changed in season 2.

S2e4 starts with 0:20 of stede waking ed up, then 0:45 of stede and the crew, 0:30 of ed and buttons, izzy’s w the unicorn for 1:00. The crew kick ed off the boat in a 1:15 scene. Now at the 2:25 mark we get to the plots splitting. Ed has a 1:15 scene on land, 0:45 is spent talking to a bunny. Stede and buttons find anne and mary’s antique store after 0:45 of walking. The scene in the antique porch is 2:15. Back to the revenge where there’s a 1:00 scene where wee john, roach, and pete talk about how the kraken crew, lucius, and izzy are different, and the kraken crew thinks they’re plotting to kill them. Already we go back to anne and mary’s where theres various conversations for 3:00. We go back to the revenge for a 0:45 scene where the revenge crew scare the kraken crew and lucius by trying to surprise them. Back to land, where anne and stede and mary and ed talk for 2:00. Back to the revenge for a 1:45 scene w the crews, izzy enters at the 1:00 mark and then crawls away. Well that’s that, we go back to the dinner on land for 1:00, then ed storms out and he and stede have a conversation on the couch for 2:15. Anne and mary reenter, followed by a 3:00 argument that ends with anne burning down the house and they don’t kiss for some reason. We have a 0:20 scene of the crew preparing the unicorn leg, izzy is in his room and received the leg in a 0:40 scene, and well it’s been a whole minute on the revenge, time to go back to ed and stede for 1:00, ed and buttons talk end when buttons turns into a seagull after 1:30. Ed and stede talk for 0:30, and then we end w izzy the new unicorn for 0:45. Credits are again 1:30.

Gentlebeard: 19:50, whole crew: 5:05, Izzy: 3:10, credits: 1:30

To illustrate my point, i made some graphs

You don’t even have to think very hard to see the change in distribution of screentime season 1 vs season 2. And i’d argue that this is absolutely to the show’s detriment, because that ensemble cast is given way less time to shine, grow, or even speak. Notice how for the second chart there isn’t a jim and olu section? Yea that’s cause Jim has 10 lines this whole episode, and Olu has 5. Two characters, whose relationship, backstory, and plot takes up more screentime than gentlebeard’s in season 1, have a combined 15 lines between them, only 4 of which are longer than 1 sentence- 2 for jim, 2 for olu, and those lines are two sentences long. god bless us every one.

I get that there’s a large subset of the ofmd fandom that only cares abt ed and stede. I get that that’s how u find enjoyment in the show, and u know what? All the power to u. I’m not saying stop liking the show, stop liking gentlebeard, stop caring abt these characters. I don’t like gentlebeard, but i used to, and i remember really really loving ed and stede and their relationship in season 1. That changed in season 2 because of ed’s abusive actions and stede pivoting from being an independent character to just basically following whatever ed says (but that’s a story for another day).

But let’s be honest with each other, and with ourselves: season 1 was an ensemble show. Season 2 narrowed its focus to gentlebeard, while also making it (for some people) harder to like. That’s why a lot of people (myself included) didn’t like season 2 as much as season 1.

Also, just to focus back in on the original issue, the meme was not about gentlebeard. It was about Anne and Mary. And there is literally no way you can convince me that they were used as well as they could have been, or that they were implemented into the story in a smart, necessary, or even respectful way.

Because i'm a nice person, i made a brand new updated meme just for u, anon!

:-)

[prodigal-explorer]

cant send this on anon. sad! anyways i think the point of pattons arc is to accept that the others have importance. learning to not bottle up his feelings was the first step to fixing a larger issue about himself, that being that he tries to put all responsibility of himself. and that manifests in a lot of ways, including not respecting the others and their roles.

but then you get to the end of pof, and after janus resigns to being wrong about everything, patton says that they both know that's not true. that to me signifies that something shifted in him after pof. thats him directly recognizing that janus was right. that selfishness was the right choice, that janus is important. and this is a direct consequence of janus pointing out his flaws to him (when he turns back into a human he admits that he doesn't know what hes doing and he cant pretend that he does anymore. which is a direct response to when he resolves to make sure thomas isnt a bad person in svs)

does that mean he's good at it? no. not at all. but i do think hes trying. given that hes already had a major breakdown in a video i cant see the same happening for the finale but he should definitely take time to acknowledge the others roles. maybe he can talk logan/orange down and tell him that the rage he feels is justified and important to thomas? something like that. i would love it if remus got a chance to be involved but i have the bad feeling hes gonna be the designated one dimensional comedic relief. which i kinda get why but also come the fuck on. anyways thats my two cents idk

i completely agree with you homie!!!

i also appreciate the nuance in this take cuz so many people fly to my askbox and try to tell me that patton is some innocent baby and that he should never be criticized ever because "he's trying!" and that's not what you did you actually spoke like with intelligence which was so fucking awesome to read. /g

i absolutely agree with everything you said. this is patton's arc. his arc isn't "i'm too nice and i need to stop being too nice" HELL NO that's not his arc whatsoever and there is no indication of that being his arc even though people constantly pretend that's his arc. NO. his arc is that he needs to learn that he is not the end-all-be-all of thomas' mind, and that he is not always the most important voice in the conversation. though he doesn't have overstated hubris, how highly he thinks of himself and how lowly he thinks of the others is blatantly obvious through his actions, and he's slowly getting better at, like, NOT doing that and it's really good change to see! he still has a...long...long...LONG way to go, but at least he's going somewhere. i just wish people would acknowledge this super interesting journey instead of watering patton down and being super fucking annoying whenever i try to critique him the tiniest bit.

[uglypastels]

Ok ok gotta quickly talk about my fav bits from these 2 episodes

SPOILERS

LOOK, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A HALFBLOOOOOD

Percy and Grover giving each other the ham/cheese from their sandwiches

The mrs Dodds gaslighting. Idk why i needed this to be included (more on this later)

Gabe. Why was Gabe so fucking funny in this 😭😭 like man is just a loser.

"Do you know why we come to this cabin every year" "because its next to the septic tanks' so its cheap" stop he's so unserious 😭

"Please" and the entirety of Sally talking to Gabe

I'm sure it will all get so much worse, but just the quips that were written and the pacing through the conversation of all 3 of them was really well written

Percy thinking that Sally was an atheist until she saw Jesus in her living room. (To paraphrase it)

"The important thing is not to panic" while being on the verge of a breakdown

"YOU DIDNT TELL HIM ABOUT X"

Sally making Grover swear to protect perce😭😭

YOU DROOL IN YOUR SLEEP

Basically, any time there was book accurate dialogue. It healed parts of me that I didn't even know were broken.

Mr D. I'm obsessed. The whole interaction between him and Percy. And then Mr D and Chiron 💖💖💖 (the poker later on. I love it)

The cabins and entire vibe of the camp. It feels so real i wanna go there so bad.

I could basically just list every single scene of this episode.

Luke 💖 that's it.

Mr D and Chiron forbidding Grover to tell Percy about his mom. So we got the Gaslight, now we jave Gatekeep. Where's the girlboss? Literally every other second.

Annabeth!! Annabeth's hat!! The hattttttt

"I'm fine thanks, but i appreciate you, you know, standing there silently" he's so fucking funny and it makes me want to scream. It's no original experience to have loved these books since the age of 12, but it doesnt make it any less personal. I love percy ok. And anyway not annabeth then still just standing there like 😐🤨

"When it's time, he'll be ready. I know it".... bro 😭😭

Clarisse's feral behaviour. I love her (i'll be dropping the L-bomb more and more as the show will go on. Let me be)

The bathroom scene. Obviously (i didnt even mention the episode titles yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

🔥? "I wouldn't"

Aaand cut to percy nearly setting the heph cabin on fire

"Is there a god of disppointment" "oizyz, but sje's a goddess, and her thing isnt really disappointment. It's more like failure" pls who is this kid. Fav character lol (idk maybe i should know who he is and im just stupid)

And then the look Luke gives him i'm crying

Oh my god how did not mention the blue food yet 😭😭😭😭🩵🩵🩵🩵

Percy PRAYING to Sally. And then "i'm Sally Jackson's son" aaaaaaaaaaaaah

Also, idk why but i loved Clarisse's reaction to when her spear broke. It felt so raw and it showed a glimpse of the side of her that she's clearly hiding from the world (not me already getting hyped for sea of monsters lmao)

Theres probably so much more i could add, or perhaps i should have just dropped a link to the episodes as it was all just so perfect.

Ohh oh oh i almost forgot the camp beads!!! Eeeek. So cute.

(Would have loved to have seen the grannies knitting socks of death, and the strawberry fields 🫢 but minor details)

[youremyheaven]

As a nodal, I want to agree and disagree about "draining" yang people. They do come to us first usually, they see that we don't show interest even when we like them (at least ketu ruled moons) and they simply stop giving a fuck. I think its possible that in some cases we drain them, but I also feel like they are expecting us to show a lot of interest and as someone else said, nodals are used to be gatekeepers (moon people too) of stuff, including feelings. We dont have light to give anyway. I find that we can drain solars as much as they can overwhelm nodals. I always hear nodals complaining about solar people overwhelming them with their energy. So at one point i feel like it's mutual, they may feel like nodals drain them but we feel like they are too much? Idk if that makes sense to other nodals reading this. I know a few solars who I really love and all but I try to stay away because I know if I get into a convo with them they will either start asking a bunch of questions or they will start talking about themselves to the point I will be exhausted. Especially uttara ashadhas, I find all of them to be too intense for me, although i had and still have great friendships with them. when Krittikas are angry for example, I just stand there and dont have any idea of what to do. I find it so hard to give a fuck about things so I dont understand why they're angry and they end up making me tired when they keep talking about the same frustrations over and over.

i feel like they both get tired of eachother, or at least, it could be any of the parts feeling drained, not just yang.

For rahu, I feel like rahuvians are really hard to control, they are chaotic af. they crave yang energy but I dont think they can stand yangs giving them the structure they crave. at the end they will try to destroy it over and over, until the yang person is drained and just gives up.

I want to agree about us being delusional, but I also want to say that Sun and Jupiter people feed our delusions as well. It's not about blaming them for our things. I really dont want to sound like that nodal who isnt self aware. 😭 I enjoy reading shit about us because its funny and it helps. but if we are being real 😭 Sun and Jupiter people validate nodal's delusions. I think I already talked too much so to make it as brief as possible I will give you a personal example. My friend is a punarvasu sun and moon, my other friend UA rising. Sometimes I tell them my delusional stories and they just find a way to literally amplify it or make it worse...... Like if I say "my crush broke up with his gf, i have a chance" they will tell me sometbing like "oh, it's because she is in love with you, she broke up because now she wants you" i told them just yesterday "i know im delusional but dont you guys think thats a lot and also kinda dangerous to tell me" damn

SJSJJSJJSJS lmao

Nodals or Ketuvians being overwhelmed by yang energy is interesting, I've definitely felt like I was "too much" for some of these people

The not being able to care part took me out lol 😭😂my ex friend who had Mula Moon was like that, I'd have a breakdown in front of her and she'd just be like 🧍‍♀️like girlie had no idea what to say or how to react and literally did not give a fck 😂😂

I think these energies are mismatched and it's interesting to hear about it from the perspective of a Nodal

That's one example of them feeding your delusions but I meant being delusional/lacking self awareness in a different way? like many of the Nodals ik have no idea how they are perceived (maybe this is a consequence of them being a shadow planet and literally being in the dark) they will do batshit crazy stuff and blame others for it, act completely unhinged and think they're just being funny or charming or adventurous. It's like my alcoholic broke deadbeat loser senior who acted like he was a catch and that I wanted him. I meant being delusional in a completely different way and cited examples as well of more extreme behaviour? And you really cannot blame anybody else for that lol, those people weren't acting that way bc anybody fed their delusions, they simply were a little bit unhinged

[partytricks]

young royals s3 thoughts (SPOILERS!!!!)

- first and foremost i think they tried to fit waaaayy too many things into this season. it feels like they wrote two seasons worth of content and instead of trying to cut plotlines that were unimportant to the overall narrative, they just said fuck it lets do them all. and it...did not work

- LOVE the idea of wille's speech having repercussions outside of wilmon and the royal family, and i love that the hazing was addressed, but again the whole reveal about erik and august felt like it was just thrown in to have sympathy for august and to lead to wille's breakdown at the bday dinner (which like...he had more than enough reason to do already). i do like the idea of erik actually being fucked up behind the scenes, but i wish they would have hinted at it in season 2 or something instead of just dropping it out of nowhere. idk

- WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THEY FORGOT ABOUT WILLE HAVING ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS UNTIL THE LAST COUPLE EPISODES???? his anxious habits and the physical toll that stress takes on him were pretty consistently shown in the first two seasons and then suddenly not a thing until the halfway point???????? like idk something about that really bothered me. my one big hope for this season was that wille would get to address his panic attacks but it seems like theyre just not gonna acknowledge it, which i guess is true to real life anxiety it's just something you live with, but it was teased to be such a crucial thing about wille that im a little disappointed its not getting explored

- wilmon cannot communicate to save their lives and i feel like neither of them are ready to be in a relationship. they have a good dynamic and you can tell they care about each other, but they never look at issues from a dual perspective, only as an individual. and then when they call each other out they just get defensive. i think they only want the lovey dovey fun part of a relationship, and they cant accept the fact that things WILL go wrong and they have to work through it TOGETHER

- ive seen a lot of people say that wille got really mean out of nowhere this season and i kind of disagree?? yes, his aggression is def at the forefront of almost all his scenes, but we've seen in the past two seasons that he doesnt know how to deal with stress and takes frustration out on other people. it's just that now he's constantly stressed and therefore on a hair trigger. is it right of him?? no. but does it make sense?? yeah, for me at least

- i HATE that wille's anxiety is constantly pushed aside because it "isnt princely" but the MINUTE that kristina has mental health issues she gets to step back from her duties and see a therapist, get meds, etc... now to clarify, i hate it because wille deserves better and its so hypocritical. i LOVE that it was included in the story because you really get to see plain as day just how much wille's family does not give a shit about him. he was so worried about his mom because he knows what it feels like and wants to be there for her when she never was for him, but she cant even make eye contact with him. and his dad is no better. that scene where wille calls to ask about erik and his dad just goes "yeah i cant think of any of erik's flaws he was perfect" EVEN IF YOU THINK THAT YOU DONT SAY IT TO YOUR OTHER KID???? who, to wille's point, is CURRENTLY YOUR ONLY SON.

- simon dealt with a lot of shit this season, and he was right to be scared of wille during his blowup at the royals, but CALL ME CRAZY i think he couldve waited until like, idk, the NEXT DAY?? to breakup with him???? yes, wille has been an ass to simon this season and taking family drama out on him, thats not cool, but striking while the iron is hot is an AWFUL idea. bring it up while wille is in a more rational headspace and not as riled-up. like simon my bby i was with you til then

[thewordsinthevoid]

Alright this is my THIRD time relistening to 5.1, lets dump ALL my thoughts then:

-first of all, one of the best opening story sequences. I love when unwell does this framing, and it is always well done. "We may be going home soon" is a line that disturbs the shit out of me, and once again unwell's sound design is absolutely incredible with all that the dogs do. I do also want to see silas get his teeth punched out.

-i could talk for hours about chester this episode. But i just want to say both the writing and pat kings performance were perfect for him. The way he aporoaches the house practicing what to say, and specifically stumbling through all their namea, then is immediately thrown off by the house being casual is so comedic and him. I really want to know how pat king manages to sound that pathetic, its amazing. Hes also amazing later in the episode where hes freaking out over norah and wes.

-"come in!" "Mrs. Harper? Its me? Chester Warren?" "What of me yelling come in didnt you understand?" The way the cast acts is so fhdjsjjdjdbsjs seeing dot tentatively accept chester is so nice, while she still keeps bullying him a bit throughout the episode. Its such a good dynamic on full display.

-abbie is a bastard. Its perfect.

-"lily-an"

-"i can eavesdrop from here!" "Tell him to speak up!" AND THEN CHESTER ACTUALLY TALKING LOUDER IS FHDJDKSKNFNDA. Once again character dynamics are shining this entire episode, and having chester play the straight man to their antics is a good role for him.

-"i dont know how to proceed!" Have you ever met a man so pathetic-

-chester is a 24/7 mental breakdown at this point. Yeah this is what i wanted from season 5.

-i should write a fic where chester reads rudys will and all that-

-When you arent exactly a found family because you fell apart and didnt know each other long enough but in the end your the only person left to stand over their body-

-Abbie getting their character development shown off this ENTIRE EPISODE we're so proud of them learning to handle their own emotions.

-also lily WES IS A KID TF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???? Like yeah hes a ghost but come on. Tinee.

-chester refusing to enter the house is such a good character detail. My guy needs help.

-and now we're at the norah scene where she needs SO MUCH THERAPY

-once again applause for the sound design making Norahs voice have an interesting echo that isnt distracting!

-dot immediately asking Norah to stay there in rudys room absolutely made me and my friend start screaming at her. Im glad it turned out well but we both kind of just had a spittake

-btw dot actually sticking to joking about norah being her daughter is cute and hilarious. Like yee girl you got found familied

-wes being the only one to grive the way chester knows how to handle is so fucking funny to me actually-

-now this is the point of the episode for me that i freak out for. Chester not remembering ghosts or wes. I have a lot of general thoughts about this episode regarding it and 4.12s status, but i will say this specific scene mightve been good to include at the start of the new season rather than the end of last because i genuinely dont remember if wes and chester know each other. Im sure they should, and im sure chester does know about ghosts, but its been months since i heard the last few episodes, so i start to question my own knowledge. Its so unsettling and uncomfortable and i think seems like a good point of tying an audience effect to the plot. Like, its good metatextualy. And if im completely wrong and chester wasnt meant to know these things then. Idk. Bully me in my askbox

-regardless, once again im applauding pat king for the best, most pathetic performance ive ever seen

-chester and abbie getting into a theological debate is the type of content i need while im being forced to take a terrible theology class

-the mugs as a joke in this episode are goddamn hilarious. Its also nice how they manage to make some history with it, despite the audience not seeing it, its more in the little things of dot and lily joing its bc "shes fancy" in such a way it feels like they both know the joke. Its nice. Also wes getting fenwood house!!!!

-the way they manage to audibly convey dot walking over, snatching the alcohol of chesters hand, and drowning it is fucking skillfull and hilarious

-lily and norah getting the final mourning scene broke me. Norah crying broke me. I have nothing really to say about that scene other than it was good and made me wanna cry.

-the rain beginning is terrifying me. I am so ready for this season i am so hyped.

-FINAL THOUGHTS:

- if i could start season 5 in any way, it would be like this. This is all i wanted and more. The character dynamics and cast performances that (for me) are the pinnacle of unwell are on full display, its acknowledging a life changing event from the last season, and everything that happens in the episode is incredibly gripping on a character level

-the episode i think masterfully balances both a tone of mourning and humor, often getting into some darkly humorous places, and seems to be a concerted effort by the entire team to balance it. The writing, acting, design, all really make this tone work.

-can i keep mentioning the acting? The actors are incredible

-i get the feeling this might be chesters last appearance. I dont want it to be, but this feels like it could also be a send off to his character, and i wouldnt blame the writers if they did so, just so they had a smaller cast to focus on in the finale. I hope chester returns though, hes somehow become a bright spot in the show for me, and i blame his actor

-im also very concerned for what will happen to lily this season. Shes definitely struggling a lot with guilt, and i dont think shes going to be making the best choices. Regardless, i love her and norahs friendship, and she and chester also got a weird friendship that i think should lead the two to try to kill silas together.

-for my final thoughts, i deleted what i wrote about this and 4.12, but to summarize, i just hope the writers didnt feel pressured to write this episode, but that this episode serves as a good leadin to the rest of the season.

-i loved this episode, and it has already become one of my favorite. Unwell season 5 is delivering!

[agirldying]

hey I'm back. I feel like a fool about to type this:

I really dont see myself living much longer.

being an adult in this kind of world is not just hard but also not interesting to me.

I didnt ask for any of this money shit my life isnt in its worth on paper.

our identities are just numbers.

I didnt consent to authority nor do I want to be within a hierarchy that I didnt consent to.

I dont want my schedule to have had to be fixed for me since kindergarten.

its not even just the trauma its just everything. my whole personality is not typical and my wants and needs are not "normal"

I know a lot of people can relate to hating the way society works and having government or at least how it works, I just dont want any authority or government. im anti- all of it.

I hate being told what to do. I hate having expectations. I hate caring about people more than they do about me ive felt that way since I was a little kid. im anhedonic I think idk. I hate too much and I feel like I give off sad or angry or negative energy so I try to act as funny and happy around people as possible.

my book or whatever I should call it isnt near completion. but ill post it online for free regardless. its too retraumatizing to recount everything. I get shakes. im trying to find websites or make my own to post it up for public view but idk what to use yet.

tbh the idea that I'M in control of my life and can end it when I want sometimes makes me feel euphoric and I think it helps to get through another day. well see.

Hi Cyber (should I call you Sabrina?),

I don't really know if you'll find much comfort in this but you're definitely not alone. I can definitely relate to feeling like adulthood is overwhelming and simultaneously boring, feeling a level of resentment for being thrust into a society with specific confusing and costly structures and expectations, etc. I hear you.

While I think it's definitely possible that you're anhedonic I also think it's likely that your ability to feel pleasure is covered up by a lot of things, including (potentially undigested?) trauma. But as for what you said about feeling like you give off bad energy so you compensate by being super positive, I have an extremely similar situation which I've concluded was impostor syndrome. I don't know if you've looked into it at all or if you think that's a possibility but I wouldn't rule it out either.

I completely understand the difficulty around recounting everything like that. While writing my expose I have had several mental breakdowns and at this point I just start dissociating and getting really spacey. As for things to publish it on, you could do what I'm doing and just make a spicy google doc. Or some things I've done are: Wordpress, Wix, and even its own tumblr blog. tbh making your own tumblr blog for it might be the best bet because it's basically your own free html website and you can change the timestamps so posts are in the order you want them to appear, not to mention all the different ways to customize the page (try viewing this blog through agirldying.tumblr.com).

I'm just really sorry about your situation and I do care about you so I hope that you live on and I just wish nothing but the best for you.

[hirokiyuu]

reading stella talk abt m/m and the effort to put into liking women as much as men and yeah. yeah. it’s really fascinating actually because prior to tales from the borderlands there was a p even split in terms of f/f, m/m, and m/f in the fic fandom and then it dropped and everyone was SO into jack/rhys

it’s interesting bc i wonder if it’s bc theyre both attractive* white guys but also at the same time i try to think of a more interesting/compelling dynamic in That Game Specifically and....... i really cant? even years later the part of tftbl that i rmbr the most is [spoilers] the scene where jack is showing rhys around his office and then fuckin straps him into his chair to try and tries to body snatch him and its lowkey very like...... creepy romantic? i get it

double interesting bc, even tho i dont have the stats to back it up, jack was also v much the most compelling bl2 character pre-tftbl. like if u went in the fic archives all the top fics were maya/jack (clearly meant as a player standin) or axton/jack (also....... clearly meant as a player standin in a lot of ways LMFAO). esp i’m talking like, pre-dlc release (including gaige/krieg) adn like? it’s interesting how jack of everyone has always been the most attractive character to most everyone in fandom**

and like it’s really intesesting bc i’d personally make hte argument it’s less abt ppl who like rhys/jack nad more abt ppl who like jack SPECIFICALLY u kno. like how much of the fic, even when the authors were like “yeah jack is an awful person lol”, ends w/them together and happy (?). like. a lot. ppl wanted good things for jack!

which makes sense! hes a phenomenal villain and a great character and control core angel is always going to be one of my all time fave video game moments nad a laaarge part of it for me is [spoilers again] jack’s breakdown there, no jokes no laughs just genuine threats and bargaining and even begging! it’s a phenomenal bit of character work for a phenomenal character.

IDK this isnt an argument to be made in any specific direction w/rt why m/m is popular or w/e i just think it’s interesting. i think jack/rhys being so popular had a lot of dif factors involved it’s just interesting

*(rhys is v conventionally white guy hot. jack has a face stapled to his face, but also he has CHARISMA)

**(again, despite having a face stapled to his face)

[izzyliker]

hey - this is one of the mods of the bi jon project. we don't actually dislike or disagree with pan jon at all, we just want to make a project focused on and celebrating bisexuality. our carrd is a bit rambling, but frankly we were trying our best/overcompensating to try and make sure people didn't misunderstand us and do - well, this. our intentions are good, and it's really kind of disenheartening to see all the hate we've gotten for what was meant to be a positive project. (1)

you're under no obligation to answer these, but i saw some of your posts in the tag and felt like reaching out because you did give us even the tiniest bit of slack in good faith. honestly, if you have any advice about what in our carrd is so overwhelmingly bad, we'd be happy to hear it. we've been trying to respond to the overwhelming amount of criticism we've got in a positive way, and take peoples' suggestions. (2)

as for why 'no anti-antis' was at the bottom of our rules list, it's legitimately bc we were trying so hard to be preventative about this negativity that we forgot to add it when we first posted the blog, and just remembered later. again, you're under no obligation to answer these, i just feel like no one's really actually letting us defend ourselves/are taking things in as bad faith a way as possible. (3)

im not exactly sure how the posts showed up in the tag bc ive been very purposefully not tagging them, also ive blocked all of you back (not sure why you blocked me if you actually want feedback, so it seems more like you just want free positive pr and not actual feedback) so its unlikely youll see whatever it is that i reply to this but whatever. 

the issues have all been repeatedly brought up to you so i dont really see how me repeating all of them once again could help. when i last looked at the cardd the things that stood out immediately included. 

pitting ace & bi identities and people against each other REPEATEDLY,  

starting off with a guilt trippy tone and maintaining it throughout (in my experience this is the #1 best way to receive backlash because people do not want to participate in events where you feel like youre being guilted into it, which going into scrutinizing detail over there not being enough content and passing judgement onto authors or artists over it is something that comes across as guilt trippy.),

repeatedly equating asexuality with sex repulsion (not to get into the misleading information about modteam aspec identity breakdowns, since you claimed that 3/4 of the team are aspec, which is technically correct, but what you didnt say was that only one is acespec. surely you know that [allosexual] aro and [alloromantic] ace are not interchangeable) and calling using biromantic over bisexual a “misunderstanding” of the identity as if how to define romantic vs sexual attraction (how to divide, if or if not to divide, use interchangeably different labels) isnt a deeply personal choice ace people who experience romantic attraction make, 

claiming that bisexual jon is canon (he isn’t. this is why people are suspicious of anti-other mspec identities sentiments. which theyre right, if youll be so kind as to stick around til the last paragraph) and repeatedly implying that the reason there isnt “enough” content centering bi jon because the aces are simply unable to not fixate on his asexuality (again, pitting identities against each other),

making the banned ship list way needlessly confusing and including ships that dont even include jon to it, which simply comes across as some kind of a list of bad ships, idk. a way to bypass this would simply be to say “we are looking for portrayals of healthy relationships!” and that couldve just been it. if you felt that that wouldnt exclude specific ships (eg. jondaisy that a lot of people write as a relationship between trauma survivors who have done very bad things trying to get better and learning to trust each other) it is possible to simply say “the modteam is squicked[/triggered] by ships with daisy/elias/peter and we’d like to read all of the works submitted so we’re asking not to receive submissions with those ships.” hating ships is literally completely normal but making rules hard to parse is going to attract questions, especially when the implication is that ships are excluded on the grounds of morality, and a blatant power difference ship (jonelias) is equated with jondaisy, which is from what ive seen almost exclusively shown to be a relationship between equals. that makes people EXTREMELY confused about where the line is. thats why youre getting so many questions about this.  

in general the carrd was spotty, guilt trippy, and needlessly moralizing where it definitely did not need to be. the key to getting people to engage without getting backlash is to make the event seem fun. when your carrd is filled with stuff about unrelated negative stuff people are not going to think it’s a fun event at all. 

and none of this even gets into the fact that at least one of the mods has a history of open hostility against pan people. i heard through the grapevine that he has since made a fauxpology about it, but frankly it already shone through in the language used in the event descriptions. its extremely hard to take any of this is good faith when it is easy to see that one of the organizers is quite fucking clear about thinking pansexuality is biphobic and the carrd is or at least used to be full of anti-pan (and other mspec identity) dogwhistles, and is notorious in some of the tma fic author circles for being extremely fucking nasty about trans men writing fic he doesn’t like to the point of pretending that we’re all cis people (in case youre not keeping track that is misgendering us by implication) because he doesn’t like it. i think some of you (or maybe all of you? idk) in general could stand to examine whether your engagements and participations in the fandom have been at all about having fun or adding positivity to anything, or simply making posts about what other people are doing wrong. it seems that every post i see from anyone in this group is guilt trippy and authoritative, and sadly this translated directly into the event. 

when youre, say, a trans man whose first touch to one of the mods was a post about how fic where trans men have piv sex with cis men is hurting him personally and making it a moral issue and not a matter of a simple preference to the point where he feels comfortable making claims about the trans men (and transmasc nonbinary people) writing fic about trans characters re: their gender or whether theyre fetishizing trans men, your willingness to engage in good faith with an event hosted by him that features numerous red flags is not going to be unconditional. 

im sorry to hear that it has been bad for your mental health, and idk whats fucking going on with this event anymore, but my good faith interpretations have diminished significantly since i saw the shit tmc specifically has been saying about pansexual people and pansexuality as an identity label. i have no clue where the rest of you stand but tmc has repeatedly, consistently shown himself to be unable to act in good faith towards anyone other than people who agree with him.  

[finnstansonly]

I really will never understand how Disney decided to let themselves sink rather than focus their trilogy on a Black Jedi. Truly tragic. And now they’re just going to retcon the whole thing 😂 anyway, in your version - does Finn get trained by Luke? And is there a storm trooper rebellion that he leads? How do he and Jannah reunite and was there a plan for them to find their family?

so in the VERY beginning yes I did have luke kind of be an inspiration for him and a starting off point before he goes on to train himself but somewhere in 2019 i realized that luke would be someone that finn still likes and respects but leia is the one who can resonate with him and give him pointers that he will best process bc she is so direct and focused but not overbearingly so. finn’s strongest relationships are with the skywalkers (i am including anakin who’s ghost he sees once and who’s presence he’s felt since childhood back in the FO but he didnt know it was him exactly), jannah and rey and he sees lando as like an uncle figure (jannah sees him more as a father figure, she is much closer to him than finn but this post isnt techincally abt her so i’ll shut up).

as for the stormtroopers its slightly complicated? okay so there's ppl who get really inspired by finn when he defects, but in my storyline, jannah is still there after finn is gone bc she’s one of the knights and cannot Just Leave bc like...she’s under a much finer microscope. so there are a few missions in which ppl try to defect and like im gonna be honest a lot of them do not make it out, but those who do see finn as a legend bc like yeah some ppl defect under the guise of dying in a mission but finn left and did not fade away he literally went and got Starkiller destroyed and fought kylo ren in the woods. so while its safer to basically go into hiding (and very few blame them for doing so) some do try to seek finn out specifically. finn honestly encourages them not to join the resistance immediately if they’re not ready for that but that they can still be incredibly helpful in other ways (some are like yeah i dont REALLY wanna be a soldier again and some are like i see what ur saying....anyway lets beat some ass) but the point is he’s like dont just do it bc i’m doing it.

on the other hand, there are the ppl who use the dethroning of snoke and the fight from TLJ (which for storytelling reasons i am NOT having happen three seconds after TFA finishes, and maybe months or a year later). while kylo is literally having his king of the world breakdown jannah breaks out of the knights of ren (which is partially a survival measure anyway bc they can tell there is something up with her and were like 5 seconds from ratting her out but kylo was not there and snoke was being assassinated so *shrug emoji* L for them but it is a big fight). anyway after she breaks out she takes some troopers with her (her former troop actually tried to protect her so they don’t even need persuading they are ready to LEAVE–i like her having some real ride or dies bc finn was put with some FAKE ASS PUNKS plus she can keep the clique from canon) and dips to the ocean moon.

i would keep certain elements from TROS but you already know its the finn/kylo dynamic and rey is a very helpful supporter who will genuinely kill kyler on sight given the opportunity. anyway bc i keep some of that finn and company still meet jannah on the ocean moon and have that scene (but insert some KOR stuff which fyi is when she makes up her name and gets rid of her number). that’s really all they have UNTIL the big showdown–which they have the rebellion in the middle of. idk if it’s right to say that finn leads it tbh. jannah is more of the organizer finn is really just a symbol here and they listen to him because he’s a legend and jannah is like ok cool he’s great are y’all ready to fight or nah bc she’s the one who has actually had practice as a leader.

post-battle is where they actually decided that they are going to conduct themselves like siblings and jannah tells finn abt how she saw him in her visions and that she believes they’re blood relatives even tho she has no proof and finns like that’s good enough for me so they make their birthday the day they met on the ocean moon.

[insert lightsaber fic with healing and during this jannah is working with former troopers helping them find out what they’re gonna do with their lives] it’s not for like a year after this that they go on a mission with lando where they find out they’re literal twins so that moment is very special and i would say that this is their reunion.

-

okay i THINK i wrote this out coherently but i’m really fighting sleep disease so excuse plot holes and ask me if something sounds absolutely insane. but yeah i tweak the plot every once in a while to make it fit more so some stuff is not concrete but the relationships and major events are pretty much fixed

[everything-else-and-mars]

well idk about you mica but for ME no breakdown is complete without Adeline by alt-j but that’s less about lyrics and more about vibes

these songs are more “songs that hit different while in a breakdown” i don’t think i really understood the prompt buuuuut here we go anyway

so i am really struggling here and it’s bedtime so i decided to just go through some of my spotify and give you some highlights so this will be long as heck and probably all songs you know lmao

Timе, it doesn't stop to ask you

Why you choose to stay behind

Lifе is just begging to include you

But sometimes you just got to stay behind

Stay Behind, Mother Mother

Remember when we felt like animations

And didn't need A grades for self-validation?

and

You don't know what it's like to be nothing at all

When the night turns cold my thoughts feel like stone

And it's nothing I can't change

But I can't breathe anymore

Hug All Ur Friends, cavetown

Way Less Sad by AJR. just. all of it.

Spring and the Storm by Tally Hall. the vibessss

I thought that it would all be great when I'm older

I crush this shit up in my molars, full disclosure

I'm pain shopping

Looking for the proof that I'm still alive

I wanna feel something

Pain Shopping, grandson

i saw a camel cricket and now im scared its on me i know it isnt but hnnnnnnnn anyway goodnight mica

THANK YOU SNAKEFARM I APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH

now i can have breakdowns with good music 😌

(also are you okay lol)

[unravelling-the-world]

heh.. got a... memory! quite recent (two weeks ago max tbh time is fake) anyways i was in vc with my homies from japan (three chilean including myself and 1 argentinian who lives in jpn) anyways we hadnt rly vc in a loong time, chi1 and arg always play w me bc they've been on the server for a while and we also send memes a lot, but chi2 wasnt in the server until recently. (idk why, but chi1 and chi2 are childhood friends and tbh we all thought that if chi1 didnt wanna includ him it was bc of smth so we didnt ask lmao) well anyways he got added now bc we all wanted to play genshin together (actually ch1 doesnt rly like genshin but he played bc he likes playing w us), it was fun lmao and i could go off on many tangents but this time's core memory is: i obviously had the voice changer on bc even though all of them know me irl and know my real voice ( *puke emoji* ) i feel super insecure without it now when im online lmao, and ch2 who i hadn't talked to in vc quite a while (and had never heard my fake voice) said like oooh dude ur voice 👀 and well even tho we dont interact much he's my friend so i told him ooo lmao its fake its a voice changer program glad its workin thooo and he was like ooo nice it sounds rly cool and honestly it felt great even though its my fake voice. it was the reverse experience of 2020 halloween lmaoo it was great :-) well then also he said that it isnt truly fake bc its still my voice and asked if id like to be on t someday and my voice would probably get deeper and i obv do lmao so i said yes and tbh ive lost all hope (due to current circumstances and not seeing an end to them) but he said like rly hopeful shit and tbh even though i cant truly agree or believe things will get better it felt good to have someone else believe in me. also that reminded me of how i told my other friend that even if i was allowed to go out again idk if i would bc i am probably extremely socially awkward now (even more lmao) and that i would probably feel very overwhelmed by the outside world and he was super supportive and he said like even if we went out he would even order nuggets for me bc he didnt want me to feel bad and wanted to be a source of support and tbh i nearly cried lmao i wouldve cried but i was in vc thats all that stopped me

anyways yeah i dont think we'll even get that chance but im thankful either way. in this case it rly is the thought that counts huh

honestly some months ago i just wanted this all to be over but now.... i dont know. i dont know if i can lead a normal life again. i hate myself and ive lost all hope of being able to change the things i hate. ive become even more shy and scared. if it truly ends, idk if ill make it. my social relationships already are strained. even if i went back, i think im going to be an stranger in a group of people who know each other well. i guess ill cherish my memories from 2017 and 2019 and tbh its fine. i already had a breakdown over this some months ago lol i think im fine now. ive had time to accept it and prepare for my inminent loneliness. even if i had the chance to go back to normal, i think its already too late for me.

unravel has always been one of my top songs and ive always related to it to some degree but as time passes i feel like i understand it more and more. tk really is good at trasmitting the feeling of the song but tbh now the lyrics hit fr, hits different oof

[brinesystem]

man

lifes bittersweet

and im gonna go on a rant? but like, a happy one???? idk man

ill put it under a cut or somethin

uh warning for like trauma mentions, if you skip the first half which is all like solid paragraphs you should be able to move right over it.

okay, so for a summary of my life real quick, and this will be p quick...

born, had no dad, lived in DC when 9/11 hit (like, walking distance to everything, IN the city DC), gained a marine dad, moved around on bases a lot, found out that im autistic and have adhd, bullied a lot in school, moved around more, got two sisters, bullied OUT of middle school, re entered a new school, bullied there too, and tHEN my memory actually starts, cause i started existing in hs?

hs also sucked though? and i was abused and became a csa/grooming victim but only online so i feel weird even taking that label, but i AM one in the end? and was so young somehow??? tbh its worse than im putting it but this is the quick version. was abused more emotionally/verbally, physically threatened at home and bullied in school right? almost lost our house too cause we were MAJORLY BROKE. Like, SUPER badly broke.

We get out of there, my mum actually gets our dad to knock it off, i fail out of hs because they changed the grading rules MID-YEAR and didnt tell me until it was too late to fix my grades for it.

cue mental breakdown, which included losing the ability to read for years, and trauma processing, etc etc. this also includes me becoming disabled, because prior to that, i actually wasnt???? i had some issues, but i wasnt disabled. now i am.

got a service dog, the dad ruined that too because he scared him a lot as a puppy and when we finally got to get him to Stop Doing That, it was too late. then the dog gets attacked twice. in home service dog only i guess now.

and then i realise, “oh fuck wait i have did”

forget about it for a year, realised/remembered it like last year and finally start doing some work with the system, finds out ive basically been fronting for like, 10 years straight at this point. only this year managed to let alters other than Fae front more, because i knew about Fae for years? but i didnt know he was an alter?????? look im dumb okay its fine.

anyways.

point is that like, i dont REMEMBER most of this? this summary type shit is what i remember, and then everything else is either a blackout, or just... blurry.

like theres some details and whatever but its mostly just snapshots, and then before hs theres even less blurry and less snapshots and its mostly just black space.

but.

im here?

like, were all here.

my system, we made it. and were alive?

like, none of us thought wed live to 20 but here i am at 24 and im actually usually happy????

its not been EASY at all, but like... i dont know?

my systems my family and i adore them more than i can put into words. the ‘scary’ ones? love them. im not afraid of them because theyre here and in our system with me and are here to help. ones been helping for longer than ive existed, like??? thats amazing? good job???? fuck.

anyways.

we werent doing okay for a long time, and then we split a lot during trauma processing pt.1 because like. no therapist. i dont recommend doing that btw dont trauma process without a therapist its not worth it.

but like.

a lot changed and i know i split shit and lost some of the memories i used to have. i KNOW that happened, because i remember remembering things that i cant recall now.

which is a weird feeling but im sure you get it.

but like.

im glad we did? like i get it. and i know that some of those alters dont front much/at all/ever anymore, but i think theyre still in there somewhere... and i love them?

theyre great. and they helped us a ton.

and two of the alters that split from that (or the trauma before maybe? idk) integrated and the result is another alter (and a completed fragment) and theyre both amazing too???

i know a lot of people complain about getting more alters or splitting or fragments and such but i just...

i dont know. maybe im just really fucking lucky... and i wouldnt put that past this tbh. but i dont mind it? we function a ton better like this, and its... so nice to see them be able to interact with people?

also theyre both introjects who LOVE interacting with others alters from their source and like

its so nice to know theyre here and happy and found the people they love again?

and i have feelings on introjects and i know theres a lot of drama going on for some reason but like. a part of did is that your relationships from the beginning of your life arent stable, right? and these introjects, they not only have those relationships in theory, but they managed to find them again?? here and now?

they have what we werent able to before, and im so happy for them and theyre delighted about it and its just...

idk.

im really happy sappy and emotional and i just am kind of writing a love letter to my system right now i guess.

cause we made it. were here and tbh this year? sucks ass. the past four years have sucked ass. a LOT of shit sucks ass. but we’re still here. were standing and fighting and enjoying life and just...

one of the alters who integrated is the one who managed to stop us from being suicidal, because he convinced me that like... “if you hate your life, that means youre not enjoying it. so, if youre not having fun, its not a life worth living to you. so have fun.”

and that was life changing for us?????

for ME?

and hes Honey now and honey is joyous and enjoys life to the fullest

but the other alter who made up honey wasnt able to do that.

and now they both are? as honey?

and thats fucking amazing????????? like????

i dont feel like i lost either of them. theyre just Honey now. and hes loving life???

i mean yeah hes got a full range of emotions now which means he can feel sad and angry while the others has more limited but like... isnt that better?

isnt it so much better to feel those?

it feels so much less shallow when youre overjoyed when you know what sorrow feels like. its so much deeper because theres that bittersweet tinge of “it wasnt always like this”

and i think thats what im getting at.

it wasnt always like this.

and it wont always be like this.

but we made it this far...

so i want to keep going.

[zealusts-blog]

❛ ⋆ ․˙✰ nora grace nguyen is graduating in a month with plans to attend harvard in the fall to study law and political science. four years complete and she’s leaving the hamptons being remembered as the zealous, which makes perfect sense considering how articulate, venturesome, pugnacious, and unpredictable she is. that title landed them the senior class superlative of most likely to be arrested for organizing a sit- in protest at the local kill shelter. you’ll know they’re around when you hear hierarchy - cailin russo coming from a car this summer. speaking of summer, i hear their plans are to spend it doing a part-time internship at a law firm. morning coffee and afternoon boba, shiba cuddles, sitting in during public court cases, and plaid skirts with oversized knit sweaters.

hello it me ellie (she/her/hers pronouns) and this is nora! i havent done an intro or been in a rp in 10 years so please excuse this post if its awkward n stuff im cringing just writing this bc i forgot how awkward an intro post is like wow... ANYWAYS! i’m vv excited to b here and rp with u guys, love u guys, b here w u guys, all that nice cute stuff w u guys!!! 

u can read nora’s stats here and learn more about her here but like that page is  really long n lengthy so i’m gonna some her up for u guys as best as i can but if its gets long n lengthy too pls forgive me thank u im trying 

her family is wealthy bc of their role in pharmacy work. their family owns  a couple pharmacies (mainly in new york, new jersey, n rhode island) and has some investments in other companies as extra money

theyre wealthy and could stop working for like maybe 10 years if they pleased, but the nguyens dont rest and thats y nora’s parents are absent alot 

bc her parents r absent since theyre always working, nora had to grow up faster to b independent and also raise her younger sister, daisy jane

shes mature but only bc asian parents love handing off parenting duties to their eldest daughter and that happens to b nora! it’s only two of them but still she gave up part of her childhood to p much raise daisy jane on her own despite her parents being alive n healthy

shes a big time activist and feminist and is very upfront about how she feels about certain things and about policies and regulations she thinks should b changed/fixed/removed/etc. 

her dream is harvard and thats been her only dream and plan since she was born. her parents gave it to her and she’s never changed it bc (1) her parents r strict n (2) she craves their acceptance and wants to make them proud and if it means listening to what they want from her then she’ll do it 

shes v open about what she believes in and will talk about it and will also fight for it. 

shes always willing to fight someone and have a debate over anything like it’s more fun for her if its something surrounded politics or stuff going on around the world but also if u wanna argue about how people who aren’t lactose intolerant are abnormal then she’ll b a square bc its literally not normal for ur body to still b able to breakdown lactose enzymes 

shes somewhere in the top 10/15 of the entire class, but shes worked hard to get where she is. studying doesnt come easy to her and she doesnt have photographic memory. she feels really dumb bc of that and hates how she has like... work to get the grade bc she wishes she was smart n could read the textbook once and get it but shes not wired like that n so  a bitch struggles w that n feeling like shes not as smart as her parents want her to b n it doesnt help that her parents let her know that

shes v sarcastic n argumentative and funny and sometimes sexual but she’d never act on those sexual things she says shes an innocent n too shy to b upfront like that u feel 

like she never deters from an argument n hates losing but if u say something too sexual for her n make an initiative to do it then she’ll back down n shy away like thats the only way u can win an argument w her otherwise she’ll keep pulling shit out of her ass until she wins or u call some truce (but in nora’s mind she won bc who backs away from a fight? hm not her!)

nora struggles talking about her feelings and will literally not talk about deep shit about herself like  ya she’ll voice her opinions n fight for it n shit but if u wanna talk about her parent’s incoming divorce, her academic struggles, her need for her parents acceptance, n shit like that then good luck trying to make her talk n shit  bc she wont unless ur close to her and have her 100% complete trust 

this is already long and im blanking on what to include bc idk whats important important about nora that i need to include here but! feel free to read the tidbits page for her u’ll get to know nora better n  know lil like... things about her like hades, veganisms, protests, driving, etc. 

i’m also a slut for plots so if u wanna plot with me for ur chara and nora then please reply to this with a word or something so i know and i’ll come to u!! id tell u guys to like this post n then i’ll come to u but sometimes im not sure if people  r liking the post so its like.. an acknowledgment or bc they actually wanna plot idk if that makes sense pls help me?? ANYWAYS below r some connection ideas that i thot would b cool for nora aha x 

neighbors! 

(1) theyre friendly and hung out a lot bc u kno neighbors n its easy to go to each others houses. the person would also b friends w nora’s little sister daisy jane bc when theyre home and nora is on parent duty she n daisy jane r a duo 

(2) theyre not friendly n they cant stand each other we love a good notp! we can expand more  on this if ur interested but rn my mind is blanking

childhood besties:

(1) maybe things went sour and now theyre enemies like maybe its a betrayal or something but like! besties for the resties to besties for never r always so beautiful im a slut for those type of connections

(2) things didnt go sour but they just drifted and now theyre kinda awkward but try really hard for it to not b awkward??  they knew each other like the back of their hands and now theyre kinda like?? r u still the same or did u change?? whats up whats happening??? 

one sided crush: nora could have a crush on them thats ongoing or is new, but its just a crush and nora actually acting on it is so so rare like she’ll punch someone for saying some racist shit to her but will cry if someone forces her to shoot her shot

(1) maybe the person knows and teases her for it n nora hates them for it but is also like :) but also :( u feel like does that even make sense? 

(2) the person doesnt kno n is kinda just like what the fuck y is nora so timid n shy around me when she just decked a guy for blatantly littering at the beach and saying the beach should b more trash cans if they didnt want people littering 

enemies! 

friends!

tutor: maybe a tutor?? like nora isnt dumb and shes not failing like she’s in the top 10 of  the class but that doesnt mean she’s the smartest person and not struggling trying to keep her grades up. having someone she can study with n can like. help her would b really good for her 

(1) twist is that it could b secretive bc maybe nora doesnt want people knowing that she has a tutor or that the person tutoring her is her tutor for whatever reason. again i can expand on this if ur interested!!!!

bad influence: someone to get her to wild n out n like tell her to forget her parents n responsibilites n shit. maybe make her hoe it out so she can stop getting cold u feel what im saying?? idk if u do im literally just rambling at this point im so sorry

i’m out of connection ideas rn but! if none of these r interesting enough for u then we can do something else like if u have a connection u want filled or like??? we can just think of something else that’ll b more fitting im down for anything n everything 

[remmystechadventures]

being an 18 y/o head tech for my school (i'm now graduated edition!)

since my last post of this popped off and i just graduated here's all the shit i had to deal with being 2018's head tech

oooooh lads lets go

feb 2018, first tech meeting of the year, we had a new TIC (teacher in charge) and loads of new people looking to join,,,, some of which thought they could just join for laughs and wouldnt have 2 put effort in hmmmm

so u know, things are looking bright

no

our gear just stopped working

first show of the year rolls round, i'm in it (oh no)

we didnt need sound BUT we needed lights which is fine

THINK AGAIN

our theatre is set up to be one way like there is a mezz and everything all facing the stage

director wanted to move the stage

we have to reposition all the lights and it almost killed us,,, because guess what

only three people including myself (i misssd a rehearsal for this shit) showed up it took days of blood sweat and tears

u would think after that it would be fine we could continue as normal

no

last minute projector set up for a backdrop it was sitting on polystyrene teetering on the edge of the mezz thank god for gaffa tape

by the way,,, some of out gear still isnt working at this point in the year

may rolls round its musical time!!!

fiddler on the roof, our main actor,,, playing the main dude,,,, cant sing and doesnt have rhythm,,,, director at the last minute got rid of the set,,, the set builders built and entire amazing set,,, we just used a table for the show just a singular table

please kill me (do it)

we hire some guy in to help teach the newbies,,,, he changes the entire soundboard set up that my co head tech and i spent hours meticulously setting up because everything has to have an individual channel otherwise its gonna be a disaster

guy changed it all and didnt tell us

he just said it would help

day before the show,,,, we were still figuring out what the fuck is happening,,, guy had put the entire orchestra into one singular channel

dude,,,, every section in the orchestra is meant to have its own channel what the fuck

i had multiple breakdowns because there was feedback, we couldnt hear some of the band, i dont wanna start with the mics

showtime

we had hired some mics and a transformer thing for all the recievers and it shat out opening show

it just stopped, we had to open it up, duct tape it into a really specific position,,, this is so damgerous pls dont ever do this

we survived (idk am i really alive at this point)

show was fine (no one died thats all i can ask for)

oh wait yeah remember those people i mentioned at the beginning who joined the team but didnt wanna put effort in,,, one of them was assistant stage manager,,, they just didnt show up

what the hell

thank u, next

new show its like idk june now i guess, the school loved putting last minute events on us and didnt tell us (ooooh we have a tech email now and a form to ask us about events ur welcome @ my high school the team would be a mess without all the updates myself and co head tech did)

last minute events are getting on my nerves and i literally started missing so much class due to tech that my teachers are getting annoyed and i'm failing school

hello july holidays u couldnt have come sooner

august talent show dont talk to me i was in it and i feel awful for how much stress my team were under because the people organising just didnt do anything, my team literally organised most of it

dun dun dun!!! we got new gear!!!!

it doesnt work

well it works sometimes its all wifi based so we dont have to manually set up for assemblies and conferences anymore (hell yeah!) (if the school had functioning wifi.....)

ooooh time to announce the new head techs so we can train them and tell them how to deal with staff and manage everything

uh oh actually chief we're going to take the only freedom u have left as the tech team and open the leadership role up to students who dont do tech

i almost dropped dead

see my school did this thing,,,, if we had a complaint about tech or how wenwere treated they told us to tell them

oh boy did i tell them a lot this year about the shit i dealt with from people

they did nothing but silence our cries for help

so new head tech time the accuse us of the fact we could be picking favourites

excuse me no, i would be more inclined to let everyone in on the process if we had someone who showed up to every meeting, every set up and every event but no, we dont get that luxury like the other committees get.

for a whole month we had meetings with different staff members going back and forth with our battle to regain the onky freedom we had and literally all this was doing was stalling me and co head tech it did nothing

but we carried on saying the same thing in every meeting until at one point i broke down in the middle of class because i was behind, i was failing still, i was getting treated like shit, and the tech team was going to fall apart

they gave in and let us help them pick

they then realised actually the way we have always done it works

tech party!!! we crowned the new head techs in november and officially resigned as tech leaders

prizegiving went flawlessly and i was given a scholarship that my school hands out for contributing to the school community, (i was the first non head student to get it)

i guess tech 2018 wasnt as much of a shit show as tech 2017