#idk how to explain this its a specifically DID thing for me so yall get barely masked DID stuff ig

[definitelynotshouting]

Idk if this is Hunger AU canon or my own personal fanon but

one of the "calling cards" that the Watchers used in Evo was bedrock

bedrock is unbreakable by a player

perfect for trapping the player you're using as a Watcher incubator

and the texture looks rough af

when you get desperate you often try to do stuff to escape even if it's impossible, right

so what I'm saying is

probably one of the last things player!Grian did was tearing his hands to shreds trying to break bedrock out of sheer desperation

which makes all the passages in your fic where he's staring at his hands even more *gestures vaguely*

(idk why I typed this out in this format but it felt right so I'm going with it)

MAN OKAY THIS IS SUPER COOL i especially adore how youve connected it with the way i keep having Grian stare at his own hands???? which ftr is smth ive only just now realized i do all the time AKDBWKDJKSSJ this is JUST like the scarian jaw kisses thing HELPPPP 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but thats such a cool thought!!! And utterly angsty i love it >:]

Its also made me realize i dont think ive ever actually told yall what did happen during that interim where Grian was captive as a Player before he died and became a Watcher, so buckle in i guess as i try to explain this one to yall (obligatory cws for captivity, parasitism, violated autonomy, body horror, and major character death discussion)

Yknow the world borders the life series has?? It was like that, but tiny. Maybe a couple chunks' worth of space to move around in. He spawned into a savannah biome and the Watchers specifically in charge of keeping an eye on him (pun intended) penned him in with the borders, implanted the specially-coded larva, and then retreated back just outside the server's barrier code to, well. To Watch.

So post Evo dragon fight the Watchers convinced Grian to join them without telling him what that entailed. They then proceeded to whisk him away to the server cluster's dev crystal, which is where the remnants of this Watcher colony made their semi-permanent home. There, held together basically only by the Watchers' ability to manipulate code, they had Grian make a brand new server.... and immediately trapped him in it.

He spent a year there slowly dying, eaten from the inside out by a parasite that was collecting his memories, copying over his stats and personality, with very limited space and resources to get by with. I know he built a tiny house out of acacia, but it never got any bigger than a starter base. He lived off of mostly bread and the meat from a few animals that spawned in with him; he primarily used stone tools, because those were what was most readily available. It was a very terrifying and lonely year, where all access to the outside world was cut off, and he was meticulously watched over to keep from dying while the larva inside him continued to grow and destroy him.

The Watchers were mostly hands-off in terms of interaction, but they did do regular check-ins to ensure the larva was alive and that there was no danger present to its host. Hostile mobs were carefully warded off, and Grian spent most of his time alternating between begging them to let him go (they never responded), trying to figure out ways to escape (it never worked), and tending to baseless chores just to keep from going out of his mind as his body grew weaker and weaker and more unstable around him.

I have a lot of feelings about this tbh, bc its just such a bleak scenario to think about-- trapped in a tiny cage with something killing you from the inside out, and your captors wont even talk to you about it properly. Being left otherwise to your own devices, with the terrible, lingering knowledge that, even if it was under duress, you still agreed to this. The fact that, after a certain point, after your questions and pleas are summarily ignored and brushed aside, you finally realize: you aren't meant to survive this. You are going to die.

A juvenile Watcher's first meal are the emotions during their host's last few moments. Grian was no exception; he cracked his way out of his own ribcage, and, without meaning to, amplified and feasted on Player!Grian's agony and terror as he died. With their memory codes finally disconnected, Grian had to watch himself through the eyes of a stranger as his terrified consciousness dissolved and his body fell apart into nothing more than loose strings of code.

Only then, still weak and flailing and helpless, was he was brought into the colony proper, in order to teach him how to be a Watcher. It wouldnt be for another few years before Grian gained the strength, control, and insight required to make his desperate escape. In total, i wanna say he spent somewhere between.... 4-6 years??? with the colony against his will. It would take another 4 for him to finally scrape together the courage to contact Mumbo and finally ask him for an invite into the Hermitcraft proper

One of these days i do plan to write that reunion, actually, which i'll add to the series as another prequel just like all the words that i forgot to say, which takes place roughly 6-8 months after Grian finally joins Hermitcraft. And if yall want to read an absolutely fantastic fic that deals with the moment Watcher!Grian was born and Player!Grian died, you should absolutely check out my friend @raichett 's fic Divergency, which ive pretty much canonized bc it REALLY hits the nail on the head for that situation.

Okay this got a lot longer than i meant it to sidhskdjej also those timeframes are a little squiggly bc i havent fully settled on where they fall on the general timeline. I wanna say Grian had been a Watcher for abt a decade by the time Mumbo got him onto Hermitcraft, though, so thats the loose timeline im working off of when i talk abt this :] anyway thanks for giving me an excuse to write this all out!!! while your idea about the bedrock isnt necessarily canon, i absolutely ADORE it and can totally see Grian just tearing up his hands while scrabbling against the world border.... utterly heartbreaking we fucking LOVE to see it. Thanks for sending in your ask!!! I always love seeing what you have to say about hunger au!!! :DDD

[leviathanofdeath]

rotb spoilers i talk abt Noah in depth bc im autistic and its 1 am

(this is also strictly talking abt the movies)

idk bout yall, but i really like Noah and his character and the way he interacts with everything thrown at him., I really like how (because of Mirage's chill personality) he wasn't completely overwhelmed by the existence of robot aliens. sure he was freaking the hell out abt the car driving by itself but yknow he caught on pretty quickly. and this is also due to the fact that he wanted to save earth as well. and specifically he wanted to help his brother. can we talk abt the fact that he was so willing to go against his morals just to scrounge up some sort of cash to help his family. as soon as he got into Mirage he was like "I don't wanna do this" and he was trying to get out the car. I also really like the relationship Noah had with his little brother. trying to be that light in his life and give hope. doing everything just to help his little brother not be in so much pain. it was just a nice touch to show us how truly compassionate and caring Noah is and you could really feel that through the performance, imo. you can tell they've both been struggling for quite some time. you feel sorry for when Noah gets immediately rejected by that security officer, and he's completely honest and trying to explain how he deserves a second chance (and he does) and he's probably repeated those reasons a thousand times in the past. he almost completely doubts himself until his brother reiterates that they're always gonna be there together and theybcan do it. and even though it sounds unrealistic, me and my sister have said the same thing to each other so it feels all the more powerful to me. it's a completely different approach to a character in the movie series and I cannot appreciate it enough.

and can I just say, sorry to the sam likers out there, I like how Noah doesn't just immediately insult Mirage trying to save him or befriend him. they actually have a strong ass bond almost right off the bat. sam was always yelling at bee everytime bee came in to save his ass (I hated this bc bee can do no wrong ok) but when Mirage was fighting scourge all by himself JUST to buy time for Noah, literslly risking his life for Noah. literslly becoming a suit of armor for him. Noah was nearly in tears, watching mirage's optics fade becsuse they've already become so close. Noah and Mirage have the silliest banter because they just get along so well. I know it's kind of stupid to compare the two (sam/bee and noah/mirage) but my point is simply: they connect so well together and I really fucking appreciate that. we've seen it with Charlie and Bee where they genuinely care for each other and now we see it again with Noah and Mirage. its just so nice to see the two get along swimmingly. even after they save the world, Mirage meets Noah's brother and everything and Noah begins to fix Mirage up as well. showing that they've become closer after the entire incident.

and Mirage. I just gotta say he is seriously the star of the show. Pete Davidson did an amazing job with him. and Mirage's personality fits with Noah so incredibly well. They've got the same type of style, use the same slang, stuff like that, and they compliment each other. Mirage is so genuinely interested and curious about Noah that he comes off as extremely friendly, defensive, and playful. He doesn't hesitate to risk his life for Noah and he gives Noah a little gauntlet to at least keep himself safe when they're apart. he even tells Noah off the bat that he can turn into any car and be sold so Noah can have money for his family. Maybe its the fact that Mirage has been cooped up and told to stay hidden for so long that he can't help but appreciate the first person to "reawaken" him, but regardless their relationship is just extremely refreshing and nice. The way they can bounce off each other is awesome. God i love them so much honestly I can't think of a better duo than these two theyre just perfect for each other whether its platonic or more

[hatsunerandal]

whoever asked for my lockwood and co playlist, you are in for it :)

so ive decided to give the link to the playlist as well as come up with scenarios for each song so this is. gonna be a big doc. (also book spoilers)

heres the link to the actual playlist (ps if anyone knows the artist please let me know!!)

luv l8r - mom jeans im going to be honest, stole this from a fic, not much to say, just a song that reminds me of them

september - sparky deathcap the instrumental just gives cozy vibes, like something theyd listen to together whilst reading in the library, possibly cuddled up on the couch who knows. maybe even a cheeky little george pops in to bring them more tea, and sees them cuddled up on the couch and smiles before leaving the tea at the door as not to disturb them (alternatively: he joins them bc romantic locklyle + qpr george is a wonderful thing)

buzzcut season - lorde LOOK IDK ITS JUST SO THEM I CANT EXPLAIN IT THEYRE JUST SO. its a song with such a nostalgic feeling and i feel like it fits them, its a sort of montage song, at least to me. its a song that reminds me that theyre kids, because they really are just kids being put in these awful situations.

stars will fall - duster yet another library song, less romantic this time id guess, more just all 3 of them reading respectively in the library. lockwood probably reading old newspapers, lucy some sort of novel, and george either reading his comics or researching for a case.

drip drip drip fall - ewy a lockwood song, do with that what thou shalt :)

main character syndrome - wilbur soot another lockwood song. hes got main character syndrome and we all know it. seems a kipps vs lockwood sort of song yk? the lines "its not a problem its his niche" and "he smiles with only half his face" feel so very lockwood to me.

evans song - flower face OMLGFHKJGFHKJFJGH. its lucys song to lockwood. we get plenty of lockwood being a pathetic simp, but what about lucy? "to think i thought ive loved before, to think i fought so many wars" feels like a lucy line. she loved norrie (romantically and platonically (personal hc)), but shes never loved someone the way shes loved lockwood. theyve saved eachother countless times. i love them <3

shadow moses - bring me the horizon my playlist is. all over the place and you can really tell with this one. im not really sure specifics for this one but its definitely an angsty song so something along the lines of lucy getting ghost locked and lockwood panicking -> "can you tell from the look in her eyes/we're going nowhere"

call me what you like - lovejoy feels very "lockwood using holly as a replacement for lucy after she leaves" sort of deal. i will go more in depth on this one if anyone would like but i fear it may make the post longer than it needs to be just please dont attack me over this dhfdfgkjg.

a pearl - mitski HMHMMHMHMH necklace. the pearl is the necklace, lockwood is the war, shes fallen so deep in love. again this is post her leaving, pre her return. shes in an inn somewhere swirling the necklace around her fingers, missing him more than anything, thinking he didnt want her there. pain :D.

long long time - linda ronstadt MWAHKAHKJDFG this ones for the tlou fans. yall know :)

under the weather - corpse like i said. very all over the place playlist. yet another lockwood angst song, probably some sort of sickfic type deal, but more lockwood needs a mental health day and lucy (+ possibly george, depending on your personal hc (i am so mentally ill for romantic locklyle + george qpr)) caring for him and just. cozy vibes but also really sad bc <33

all we ever wanted was everything - bauhaus RAHHH SHOW CANON SONG. its just so them <33

blue hair - tv girl YOU CANT TELL ME THIS ISNT A LOCKWOOD SONG ITS SO HIM CMON. minus. the. misogyny yk

chemistry - kimya dawson lucy song [everyone gasps]. 'how did we end up here?/you said happenstance' hmshdhrg lucy asking lockwood how they ended up in the Consensual Workplace Relationship and they just talk and talk and talk afterwords, probably sometime late morning yk cozy just woke up vibes.

clementine - elliott smith herrhfhf scrungly soft locklyle vibes in the morning, waking up together, getting ready for the day together, they end up dancing in the kitchen to this song smiles i love them cries wails sobs

bouquet - ichiko aoba do i know what shes saying other than the flowers? no!!! is it cozy vibes? yes!! they are falling asleep after a long day listening to it i cant explain why

empire ants - gorillaz ft little dragon i. honestly do not know. another song similar to buzzcut season, feels like a reminder that theyre just kids. very well may be a lucy breakdown song who knows :)

it will come back - hozier we got our first hozier song boys. lucy leaving, lockwood breakdown, listening to this on repeat hoping wishing praying that she'll come back.  wishing more than anything.

rule #27 - drunk on pride - fish in a bird cage lockwood is constantly drunk on pride, everyone knows it, everyone feels it. this is probably something along the lines of lucy and george being worried for him as he goes into a particularly dangerous job, fully confident and all to prideful. he comes out of it alive, but damaged.

tree hugger - kimya dawson im a bitch for kimya dawsona and fluffy ships but this also is a sort of 'they all wish they where somewhere else, but are happy with eachother too' kind of thing which proabably doesnt make much sense bUT IT MAKES SENSE TO ME OK CSHHSHSHSH

https://open.spotify.com/track/1F9f5t7GZk7aJZNGZIbfqP?si=c653de10148f4de5 <- link because youre nuts if you think im attempting to type out morse code lockwood just being a pathetic simp. probably watching her dance in the kitchen, late at night when neither of them are supposed to be awake, admiring everything about her till he eventually joins in on the dancing, they dance together into early hours of the morning before she carries him (YEA SHE CARRIES HIM WHAT ABOUT IT) up the stairs to lockwoods room, where they sleep for the rest of the day :>

locked out of heaven - bruno mars Ik the song is relatively sexual but we arent going there dw. just more lockwood being a hopeless romantic and being wildly in love with lucy, lucy is his heaven and he wishes to be nowhere else but with her at all times.

teenage dream - katy perry yk i had too. again, theyre teenagers, they act like teenagers. probably the song playing in lucys/lockwoods head constantly because shes just so giddy about their silly teenage love.

answering machine - ruby haunt to much happiness, angst now. a song lucy had on repeat walking the streets of london early in the morning to get coffee after she had left lockwood and co. maybe even walking past portland row, missing it dearly. little does she know, lockwood sees her, he hasnt slept a bit since lucy left, he usually just stares out the window into the night. but one day, he sees her walking past. he doesnt get out of bed that morning.

sleep thru ur alarms - lontalius i said we where done with happiness. more lockwood mental health issues but this time its the aftermath. lucy sitting in her room after a particularly bad fight with lockwood that had turned into him collapsing in her arms. shes just thinking about everything he said.

the first punch - pierce the veil im gonna be honest i meant to take this one out but its just there now i got nothin im low on gas and you need a jacket - pierce the veil i think lucy just like this one idk

heart-shaped box - nirvana lockwood feeling awful about asking lucy for help, sitting in his room thinking about it.

safeword - tv girl lucy telling lockwood about her time in her old town. about her old home.

fine - lemon demon me when i have like 8 million songs abt them being teenagers doing silly teenager things.

chloroform girl - polkadot cadaver UR GONAN TRY AND TELL ME THIS ISNG LOCKWOODS MUSIC TASTE BE FUCKOING QUIET he likes this song :)

swear to god the devil made me do it - the front bottoms god tfb is just so lockwoodcore. its just so him i cant explain it you understnad me maybe hopefully

flying model rockets - the front bottoms HOHOHOHOHOHOHO so lockwood dont you think. dont. dont you think. please agree with me.

blondie - current joys more cozy library/morning vibes. maybe some soft domestic little kisses as a treat.

young - vacations back to the angst. more pining and mourning after lucy leaves hee hee.

pretty boy - the neighborhood HES A PRETTY BOY SHE THINKS HES A PRETTY BOY THEY ARE PRETTY TOGETHER I LOVE HTEM CRIES CRIES CRIES

pretty boy - tv girl be quiet ik they have the same name they are so drastically differnet vibes. something something lucy thinking shes not good enough for lockwood bc she grew up poor and he was a rich little bastard /aff. but yea late night angst

it almost worked - tv girl RRUUFUFU angst they are so sad sad little people lucy is a sad little lass in her tiny little town she will never get out sobs.

space song - beach house wails cries sobs screams them. i will not elaborate.

golden hour - JVKE oh my GODD lockwood is such a hopeless fucking simp. hes such a stupid hopeless little simp. for her and her only all he looks at is her shes the best thing ever shes so beautiful all he does is take her in. they are in love.

who is she - i monster he doesnt believe she exists. shes not real. shes in his dreams. hes having a breakdown :)

always forever - the cults back to happy!! they are in love!!! always forever!! they will be together forever!!!!

gilded lily - cults SOBS SCREAMS CRIES WAILS EATS THEM THEYRE JUST KDIS THEYRE FORCED TO DO THIS HORRIBLE JOB BUT HTEY ARE JUST CHOLDREN THEYRE JSJSUT KIDS DJFGHJHA

pretty when you cry - lana del rey god theyre so sad. george lucy comfort lockwood that is all thank you.

carmen - lana del rey oh deary. oh lockwood oh my poor bbg   

paper doll - flower face this is so lucy. shes a fragile paper doll and lockwood cares for her. but she feels like shes not enough she feels unworthy. lockwood is to good for her. 

 the night we met - lord huron OH MY GODDDD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD theyre so they mean so much to me im crying you understand i dont need to explain.

paper doll - flower face this is so lucy. shes a fragile paper doll and lockwood cares for her. but she feels like shes not enough she feels unworthy. lockwood is to good for her.

angela - flower face can you tell i like flower face. remember lockwood being a hopeless simp?? lucys turn!! lucys turn!!!!!!! shes so simp shes so simp but in such a sad way shes os in love with him but shes so worried he'll leave.

spiracle - flower face hee hoo hee hoo lockwood breakdown. more lockwood breakdowns, but this time its before he and lucy where together. its just him panicking late at night about his love for lucy, afraid he'll end up killing her with his love because nothing good comes from letting people in. 

jupiter - flower face THEY FEEL SO SAFE TOGETHER THEY ARE HOME TOGETHER THEY ARE EACHOTHERS HOME. lucys home is with lockwood and george at portland row :DDDDDD

small world - jack stauber cozy coffee run vibes ykyk domesticity

death cup - mom jeans 'i think its bout time i warned you i might cry in front of you' oh come ON thats so lockwood this entire song is just lockwood opening up to lucy.

legit tattoo gun - the front bottoms lockwood tfb agenda is spreading. 

insomniac - memo boy lockwood insomniac real hes so not sleep the dark circles are so visible im. emotionally unstable.

post to long. need part 2.

[twistedtavern]

do you have any more for night raven park?? How was Idia the one who did the bite? Are there any springlocks? How do the dorms work? Are there any special animatronics?

Hoo lawd ok

So, the thing about Night Raven Park is that it's actually a part of Disneyland. They made a little island off to the side of the park, built a life-size version of Night Raven College (which also serves as a hotel) on it, rides and attractions based on the game, and spaces for each dorm all built below the mirror room building. The reason they have animatronics instead of real people in costume in the park is because each character is so visually distinct and unique from the average person, it would be incredibly hard to find reliable walkaround actors. Also, these characters are literally made to be simped for and some people are wild.

As for the bite and making Idia the culprit, there are two things I pinpointed him for. Reason one is his sharp teeth, and reason two is his ability to be startled. Allow me to explain. Animatronics are heavy, they're made of metal and other parts and what have you, and being startled means fast movement. The startle feature is largely for character accuracy and immersion, since seeing Idia NOT get scared by someone running towards him would be really weird. He's got to have some strong hydraulics in there, and they are actually pretty powerful in order to snap his jaw shut hard enough and at a fast enough speed to appear natural. I'm not sure of the specifics of how the situation occured, whether it's more like the FNAF 4 bite or a pure accident, but someone was definitely way closer than they should have been, activated the startle, and got bit.

No. Disney may be a megacorporation, but they are not stupid. Who the hell would want to get into a robotic shell of a very person-sized skinny anime boy, especially a highly lethal robotic shell of a very person-sized skinny anime boy. It just doesn't work. Besides, even if there were springlocks, the only characters who could actually comfortably fit a person inside are Jack, Sebek, and maybe (and that that's a HUGE maybe) Malleus and the tweels. It isn't worth it.

The dorms, as I said, are built under the mirror room. The mirror portals serve as elevators that take guests down into each space. Each dorm is essentially its own attraction, and its own separate area. There's

Heartslabyul Maze

Savanaclaw Spelldrive Field

Octavinelle's Mostro Lounge

Scarabia Banquet Hall

Pomefiore Courtyard

Ignihyde Arcade

Diasomnia Gardens

Some are more dining-oriented than others, especially Mostro Lounge and the banquet hall, where the animatronics mostly just put on a show while the guests eat and watch, but they do have spaces where the characters can go for guest interaction during break time. The spelldrive field and the arcade are more free-roam, go from thing to thing attractions. The characters freely wander around, and are mostly there for interaction, but do also have some shows throughout the day. Pomefiore Courtyard, Heartslabyul Maze, and Diasomnia Gardens are all party rooms, with some sort of celebration going on. The characters perform, interact with guests, and have designated areas for those interactions.

Idk what you mean by special animatronics, but Rook and the Savanaclaw boys technically act like security bots due to their increased perception abilities. Idia and Ortho also have a bit of pyrotechnics put into them. There used to be Neige and Chenya animatronics that would momentarily appear in Pomefiore and Heartslabyul respectively, but Neige kept breaking down from mysterious causes and Chenya would somehow manage to escape the maze and mirror room altogether and wander the park outside.

Yall are free to send asks ^w^

[chrolloctrl]

How would be the adult trio in love ?? I'm really looking forward to your writing 😳😳💖💖💖🙏😎

omg this is something i’ve been thinking about so long since i feel like some people REALLY don’t write the adultrio well when they are in love. of course they are all borderline psychotic but i do not think they are incapable of love. i said what i said anyways let me continue

im going to do this as a head canon if thats okay!! if you want me eventually develop a specific character into a one shot i definitely will:)

warnings: like some mention of blood and fighting, maybe a lil mention of sexual things, nothing too bad tho theres one really explicit blood/gore mention in hisokas but that is a very hisoka thing so i have decided to leave it there

first i’m doing illumi bc yall miss with illumi so hard

okay so

first of all, he was a definitely a child with an avoidant attachment style

basically when mummy was there he was annoyed, when mummy left he didn’t care or was probably happy, and when mummy came back he was annoyed once again

this child did not experience love as a child

not once

zip

zero

nada

so u have to be patient with him im sorry to say

but it isn’t impossible

i think when he’s in love, he doesn’t realize it

he thinks he’s just in a sort of...agreement with you

but im telling u right now.. small acts of kindness are his love language

like if u guys were in a fight together and there was blood on ur clothes he would wash them and lay them on ur bed

and then u would be like “ok u didn’t have to do that thats so nice”

and he’d be like “i dont know what ur talking about”

and walk away

or

he would see like a book or something u like and read it just because u liked it too

he wouldn’t tell u tho he would just randomly bring up something from the book 

and you would be like “oh u read it?” 

and he would be like “no why would u think that”

and you would be like “:|”

with illumi u just have to be patient, i think eventually he would catch himself making ur bed one day and he would be like “fuck”

and realize he might have a thing for u

but he wouldnt believe it bc he is oh so emotionless and does not feel one thing at all

but he does he is just a liar

i think he would make his first move when he accidentally lets out all the emotions hes been faking not having and like just cries wishing he were loved and ur like

“i love u though illumi, a lot”

and he would just kiss u and like hug ur for 3 hours and then make u not talk about it ever again but u guys would just be in love and killua would be kinda pressed but he’d be happy u were illumi’s gon <3

okay let’s do chrollo next im sorry illumi’s was so long 

alright

as u can tell i am in love with this man

and everyone always bashes me bc he has no screentime and a pretty basic anime antagonist backstory

but out of all of the adultrio i think he falls in love the easiest and with someone nobody expects

like he is a mass murderer and thief and ur like...a flower shop worker

he would just be walking in yorknew city and see u reading some obsecure ass russian literature while working at a flower shop and he’d be like “wait im intrigued”

then he would talk to u and u would be like

:D

but also calm and reserved

and he would love that, someone who just vibes not a worry in the world

but then as he gets to know u he realizes u r not just a body bag who vibes

u r a human with actual emotions

something he probably swears he doesnt have

he would tell the rest of the troupe that ur just like...an experiment

and they would all buy it EXCEPT machi

she would be like “omg boss ur in love”

and chrollo would be like “um i dont feel that sry to say”

and machi would be like “ya sure lol”

you have no idea who he is like no clue he is the lead spider

but okay omg this part is gonna be corny

you would like hehe sorry im laughing thinking ab this

walking around yorknew city and he would almost step on a spider and u would be like “no!!! be careful!!” and pick up the spider and lightly set it into the grass

and chrollo would be like “why would u do that spiders r scary...right” *looks into the camera like hes on the office*

and u would be like “no..even spiders have feelings u know”

and then he would just like absolutely lose it he’d maintain composure but on the inside he would be like dhdkhduwojhfw

then he would kiss u and then he would finally tell the troupe the truth and machi would be sooo smug 

oh and the troupe def likes u like that is a given

ur just so innocent and sweet its like impossible not to like u u make everyone put away their tough guy acts

and then ya u guys probably read to each other u weird fucks

but its cute and i love

alright now for probably the person who would take the longest to love someone 

i dont know if u have read hisokas backstory one shot but i will try to explain the best i can

hisoka was in circus. lead man of circus say hisoka talented. lead man train hisoka to use nen. hisoka learns nen very fast. oh no serial killer is on the loose. oh no girl in circus almost get killed by serial killer. hisoka save girl. hisoka accuse lead man of being serial killer. lead man say yes lol i am. hisoka say okay i want 2 fight. lead man say sure lol i will kill u. hisoka kill lead man and girl in circus wonders where hisoka and lead man went.

okay now that thats out of the way

the girls name was abaki and i think hisoka liked her ngl

but that was before u know he got all gassed by killing lead man

he definitely thinks similar to illumi in the way that u r just a pawn in his plans

but u r def super strong and he is shook

he probably wants to fight u

but he still doesnt think ur strong enough

u live ur own life separately from his so he doesnt know much ab what u do in ur free time

one day he catches u training with someone else

and he won’t say it but hes lowkey pissed af

hes like “um wtf why didnt u ask me to train u

and ur like “literally why would i ever do that”

and hes like “what u think i cant train”

and ur like “u can barely control ur bloodlust hisoka :|” 

hes like “yeah u know ur right i guess”

but he doesnt stop thinking ab it bc like why wouldnt u train with him

u decide to go on ur own lil mission and try to fight someone you’ve been wanting to fight for a while

you invite hisoka just to watch, you tell him you just want him to sit around this time since you always sit around and watch him

he expects u to get beat to a pulp ngl

but you like completely obliterate the other person

this is too niche but u have such a gory fighting style. like ur def batshit crazy in a fight and loose all composure 

hisoka is shook bc he did not expect u to go that crazy

u like bite the other dudes jugular and blood splatters every where

that was so gross but idk im into that weird shit sorry im tw’ing that

but hisoka is a weird mf so that def makes him horny for u

he like takes u back to ur house while ur covered in blood and theres a crazy look in ur eye still

and he realizes hes in love with u bc ur just as crazy as him

i feel like ur guys relationships spawns bc of how crazy u both are. u guys probably summon demons for fun

i feel like his love language is more i do for u what u do for me

like if u save his ass in a fight, he’ll watch a cheesy movie for u

its def a give and receive vibe but it works

or if he saves ur ass he makes u guys take a bath together

and ur like “this is so cheesy”

and hes like “um ur having fun tho right” *crickets* “yea thats what i thought”

muah gonna think ab this before i go to bed

alr i think i wrote WAYYY too much omg these are all so long i am so sorry, too many thought in brain keyboard go woosh

hope u liked it though <3

[partnersatfazbear]

Fazbear Frights: What We Found Analysis

Here’s my analysis for What We Found, the third story in Gumdrop Angel. I wrote this as I read so it may be a little different than my previous analysis where I read the story first and went back.

If you’re a Michael Afton fan I highly recommend this. Also, there’s possibly some insight into William Afton, Mrs. Afton, and Henry too, so it’s worth a skim.

Pg 144 '...a place thirty-some years forgotten' Just reconfirming FNAF 3 is 30 years past *one* of the FNAF closings, presumably FNAF 2 location.

Pg 145 "The whole building was giving him [Hudson] a headache." FIX THE VENTILATION BRUH

Pg 148 '...they were able to use salvaged derelict equiptment original to the old pizzerias.' Another confirmation of something we heard from Phone Guy.

Pg 147 "How old are you?" "Twenty-three, same as you." I think this gives us Michael's age during FNAF 3.

EDIT: This kept me awake last night. Obviously this is impossible because he has to be alive for at least 10 years before 1983, BUT maybe its just reconfirming FNAF 3′s year? 2023?

Pg 149 "Hudsan's dad died and his mom married Lewis, a ridiculous balding man who wore plaid vests and smoked a pipe" Did... Did this book just seriously imply Mrs. Afton left William for Henry? Really? (Yes, there's differences; the husband is dead and the man wears plaid 'vests' but it seems very odd to include that detail. This could just have been the writer's own imagination, though.) I have seen this as a fan theory and 100% explains the jealousy aspect of William, but I can't help but kinda hate it. I think this is very important, though, and probably Scott's intention. "This horrible little man [Lewis]... would make Hudson's next ten years a living Hell" This REALLY intrigues me given the context I just went over. The text implies Lewis was fairly neglectful to our main character / Michael stand-in Hudson. Maybe I'm wrong and for some reason Mrs. Emily left and went to William? XD Haha, I'm reading too much into this page. Maybe I'll come back to this later. I figure it's more of Scott possibly including double-details (contradicting stuff with the same character that really applies to two, which has been something I heavily pointed out in previous anaylsis on this blog) Having said that, I'm going w/the former because I can't imagine Henry being abusive (neglectful yes, abusive no) and he's never been portrayed that way in official works like William has in the novels.

Pg 150 "Hudson began to screw up in class...a product of spending the night in fear that his stepfather [Lewis]... [would] beat him just for the fun of it." Ooof. Big confirm on William actually being abusive. Unless we stick with the Henry theory for Lewis (combined with Midnight Motorist Henry theory / alcoholic). "...near-daily beatings..." "his mom started taking pills to get through the day..." So, whoever Mrs. Afton is, she was definetly not paying attention. But then, most people married to serial killers either don't notice because of denial (like this) or because the killer is so manipulative / careful they can't notice.

"Barry, who had red hair and freckles..." Yo?! Is that a description of Fritz?! These friends in the story could be the other kids Michael knew's stand-in's, aka the two gravestones with names he used (Fritz and Jeremy), as shown in the checks for the games and FNAF 6. I've long figured Michael was probably friends with the victims--it makes them easier, although riskier, targets [for William]. The two friends are male, too, like Fritz and Jeremy. If you're curious about Duane's description (our stand in for Jeremy), it's "tight black shirt... muscles... black hair long enough for a glossy ponytail..." I'm not sure if this matches anything found in the novels or contradicts them, though. (The novels = TSE trilogy)

"And so it went... until the night of the fire." For context, this is before FF burns down. We're learning of Hudson's life from his close friends in childhood, his father's death, his mother remarrying, to his abusive stepfather, to his grades slipping to this line. This would be a new fire not seen/mentioned in the games...

Pg 151 "...go to Charlie's for a sundae..." Really. Really Scott. Just gonna use this name again. OK. I'm not even gonna discuss this because it's probably irrelevant. *This is confirmed on pg 158 to be an ice cream shop. No lore relevance aside the annoying name coincidences Scott loves to troll with.

"This is not... an advance into enemy territory, a fight with demons, or a descent into Hell..." Uh, what? What is Hudson talking about? XD I'm only noting it because it seems so out of place. He's probably talking about video games or something.

Another note, although I don't have a specific reference since it is mentioned off-hand many times, is that Hudson keeps referring to his "history" which is implied to have kept him from getting a well-paying job and a girl he's crushing on doesn't know this "history" which is good for him. Seems good old "Michael Stand-In" has done some jail time or something. Edit: On pg 154/155 the girl asks Hudson, "Did you do it?" Seems he may have killed his stepfather or been involved with something else just as bad. Edit 2: No, I was thinking too deep into it. This probably refers to Evan's death at Fredbear's. DUH.

Pg 156 describes an actual "prize corner" in FF! What am I even reading? IIRC this is in FNAF 3, too. So they just hand out these scary gift boxes to people that complete the attraction? (Hudson says he *would* have fun handing out the scary toys to kids when this location opens--kind of a bully thing to do, eh?)

"[Hudson] avoid[ed] glancing in any of the mirrors..." I'm only pointing this out because it could be reference to one of two things. 1) We know because of one of UCN's music tracks, William has a fear of his reflection. Michael probably shares this trait, especially since 2) after Ennard and all... and later on pg 157 it also says, "he never wanted to face: himself" Sounds like guilt, my guy.

Pg 157 "blonde hair... blue eyes..." Hudson shares an eye color with Michael. It's possible Michael had blonde hair as a child and it changed to brown (it's common, something I personally went through being technically blonde/ blue eyed myself)

"He [Hudson] knew from personal experience that toys could turn from fun...to torture ina heart-beat" Fairly self explanatory. Either Hudson's worked at a creepy location before or he doesn't like remembering Fredbear's.

*checks how much is left.* There's still 35 pages (not counting back/front) left of this... This is gonna be a lot of notes.

Pg 158 Hudson doesn't have a car. Poor Mike, probably having to walk everywhere. Especially as a corpse.

Pg 160 This page describes many physical issues Hudson has that prevents him from entering the Navy, all from the abuse of Lewis. Obvious paralell to Michael becoming an undead [because his father sent him to CBPR indirectly causing his condition]

Pg 161 "How's your granny, Hud?... ...Is she still alive?" "I don't think she can die." Does anyone in the Afton family really 'die'? XD

Pg 162 These few pages discuss Hudson's grandmother. She's described as "a seer who claimed to know the future... ...wore big men's plaid flannel shirts with baggy jeans" Um, more plaid / flannel? AGH. STAHP. Lowkey, I would totally headcanon my Aunt Jen like this, though.

Pg 163 "Hudson's mom... the way she was before Hudson's dad had died... never... particularly warm and fuzzy... but... effiencient and responsible..." More about Mrs. Afton, so that's kinda neat.

"Hudson's dad was fun and attentive." There's a good Dad in this series?

"Unfortunetly, he also struggled with mental illness." "invisible low points" (Pg 164) Kinda reminds me of how Henry is described after Charlotte's death in the books.

Pg 164 "When Steven got himself into a bad deal that cost him his small business... he'd taken his life." Oh, it is Henry! SMH. Way to use confusing paralells. So, from our understanding thus far, Hudson's real father, Steven, is our Henry stand-in. His step-father despite being described similar to Henry, is actually our William stand-in. Fair game, Scott.

Pg 164 "...he [Hudson] was locked into a supply closet..." Oh shit, you guys. So, let me go on a tangent here, because this IS important! I just watched a retrospective on Sister Location and FNAF 6 earlier and one theory for Midnight Motorist was the person in the chair was the mother and the kid was Michael. I think this little line may confirm that. In fact, the story may be the key to figuring things out. Obviously, the line is a paralell to FNAF 4's scene in which Crying Child was locked in the supply closet of Fredbear's. I know some people, including Matpat, believe[d] CC was Michael, and in this book's context, it sort of works. This does contradict Step Closer and 1000 other things that make Michael the older brother, but maybe it's hinting at MM? Abusive stepdad (possibly Henry... maybe William is gone at this point), checked out Mom (hey, grey couch lady with Foxybro's font). IDK, but its definetly something to think about.

Pg 165 Lewis is mentioned as calling Hudson "nothing" and saying "you're nothing" on several occasions on this page. Just more abuse, for those accurate fanfic writers like me. Also I kinda wanna watch Morel Orel again. Yall know my fav character is Clay. Yall know.

"You're smoke." <-- Lewis / The text later reads, "...there was some irony, given what eventually happened." BRUH. Why did your stepdad die in a fire? :V TELL ME.

"When his family's house burned down at the end of his senior year..." Huh. Is there a fire we don't know about in the game-verse? Could this explain what happened to the FNAF 4 house before MM house?!

"...it purged Hudson of Lewis and his mother." MRS. AFTON BURNED ALIVE, TOO? Bruh. I can't with this story.

The text later describes the fire is concluded to be man-made and Hudson was blamed for it. Can't say if this ties to Michael, but it IS interesting... TBF, there is a small paralell to draw between Henry in FNAF 6 and his history of suicide in the books, too.

Pg 166 "...this place's [FF] busted thermostat.." I just find this line funny.

Pg 167 "...after three weeks of keeping an eye on the place" Some more timeline context for FNAF 3. We know that Michael worked there a little while before we start playing the game thanks to one of the phone calls, IIRC, so this makes sense. If Michael was accused of [something] and also wanting to hunt down his father, then it makes perfect sense why he's working a dead end job at Freddy's over and over and over. Fun fun fun.

Pg 169 "He hated to think about a functional character [Foxy]" This line is in regards to Hudson not liking the set up of Pirate's Cove and Foxy's hook to scare people. Sounds familiar, don't it? (For Michael anyway.)

Pg 173 "Some big find is arriving tomorrow." SPRINGY BOI! COME ON BOOK, get on with the show?

Pg 176 "Granny was wearing a red-and-green plaid shirt and her baggy jeans." Nothing special, but it was specifically brought up twice. I'm kind of racking my brain trying to understand what the point of this character is outside of "woooo everything is haunted don't you know that" kind of character.

Pg 180 "...dropped the crate on the linoleum with a resounding thud." HEY. Poor Springtrap, just gettin' tossed around like the trash he is.

Pg 186 "If you weren't so stupid, I'd tell you more about it." Springtrap bringing the burn. =:)

"A voice with a burr-like rasp...hint of a Southern accent" I'm going to assume this is because it's Lewis probably in the suit in this story and not our old British lad.

"It's was Mr. Atkin's voice." THE MATH TEACHER? *goes back to check* 'The algebra teacher'. Okay...

Pg 190 Okay, so Hudson hear's Lewis' voice this time. Okay, I get it now. Springtrap in this kind of imbodies all of Hudson's old bullies, including the teacher. He also has PTSD, just FYI. IDK if anyone finds that important, but it's fairly obvious by the line "He wasn't in his bedroom. Lewis didn't just slam his head into a desk; his head had been slammed into the [arcade] game."

"Why did he hallucinate a scene from his childhood?" Oh, it's not PTSD, then. It's just the VENTILATION ERROR. lol Okay.

Just a note, as I'm reading through the more action-based stuff, I kind of feel bad for Michael if he had flashbacks like this guy. They're intense.

So, Lewis' voice finally comes out of Springtrap on Pg 213. There's that.

Pg 220 "You can just stay there [in his room]" Kind of a paralell to Midnight Motorist. Lewis is saying it to Hudson. I really feel like the kid in the MM game is Michael because of this story...

Pg 223 "Heat purges. Fire heals." I'm sure that's Henry's life motto.

The ending was stupid, but most in these stories are. Hudson is hallucinating and is implied to have burned himself alive in FF's oven. Meh? The first half of this one is A TRIP and a little insight into what I 100% believe is Michael's childhood. I think the saddest part of it all is that we never got Springtrap speaking to Michael in FNAF 3--and if it's ever remade I hope we get more of them interacting.

[aclosetfan]

21

(ask game) thank you so much for playing the game!! you’re the best (per usual)!!

Helllll yeahhhhh 21 is the DUMBEST STUPIDEST fic I’ve ever made and I lovvveee it 💚💙❤️ it’s the “Vampire Zombie” one i mentioned in the original ask game post 😂😂

So glad someone picked the number!! Background to keep in mind: do yall remember when there was just a shit ton of Vampire fics on FFN?? Idk about ao3, but for newer fandom members this was TOTALLY a trend in the early 2000s on ffn, and I was like why the fuck are all of these here??? And like, why is it constantly a predator-prey relationship between the rrb and ppg??? So I was like wait…okay, but this could be funny and decided to write a story making fun of these super cringey stereotypes.

The story would be a multi fic and I have zero idea how to explain it concisely, so basically below the cut is just me laying it all out for you srsly I’m just bearing my soul to you:

For the girls’ birthday, the Professor tricks out the simulation room they train in to be a VR game room b/c the girls had talked about VR once (and only once), but the Professor thought it was cool and ran with it. The Girls can create a world of their choosing and explore. They admit the idea is pretty cool and eventually start arguing where they should “go” first. Blossom suggests a historical era like the Victorian era/Bubbles suggests something romantic, where she hints at vampires/Buttercup doesn't like any of those ideas, but the vampires reminded her of all of her zombie videogames she plays and she ends up suggesting something like that instead/ To prevent arguing the Professors says he’ll combine all three ideas into one!

[[how does this machine work??? IDK in the spirit of early 2000 fanfics, anything complicated and confusing is only vaguely explained—which has in story effects that drive Blossom INSANE! Idk how it would work technically, but my choices as the writer on what is/is not describe and purposeful grammar mistakes has story implications] [ill explain this more later]]

The Professor loads up the “game,” but something malfunctions. He tells the girls (Buttercup) not to touch anything. She doesn't listen and ends up plugging something into an entirely different device against Blossom & Bubbles protest. The device is that old “time machine” thing the Professor made in one of the OG cartoon (the one where the girls meet the Young Professor). It turns out that whatever she does (again still don't ask me how) fuses the basic concept of the two machines together and creates a device that transports them to a parallel universe that matches the specifications of the “game” they wanted to create.

[[Throughout the story, i want to include little video game gags, like bottomless bags for storage, or random bullets laying around, little things like that. (they've lost their powers/ but BC keeps finding all these random guns/knifes so they're good) I also give the girls the “ability” to read the dialogue I write. So, when I mess up a comma (i.e. Let’s eat Grandma! vs Let’s eat, Grandma!), Blossom will look at the “character” they’re talking to and be like, “WELL, which is IT!?”] [I know it’s stupid, but I think its so fun!]]

So, because of the video game “glitch,” the girls think for the longest time they’re actually IN a video game, but when they “go to sleep” thinking that’ll save the game and they can quit, per Professor’s instruction, they find out they can’t. Cue freak out. After the calm down, Buttercup’s like okay, listen we probably just have to beat the game! Too bad they don’t know what the game’s objective is exactly. They just know they’re dressed in Victorian Era clothes and their “Professor” is the town’s doctor? Their mother died (tragically). It’s all a bit dramatic. They start searching for clues. Eventually, they find out that the Town has a zombie problem (THANKS BUTTERCUP!), and Blossom figures if they can cure that, they beat the game. Unbeknownst to them, they are actually stuck in a stupid vampire love plot there just happens to be zombies. [Like, you can’t have one supernatural creature without another and I wasn’t going to write about werewolves.] No one in town seems to care about the undead problem. Buttercup keeps “leveling up,” Blossom’s on the verge of a breakdown, and then, finally, Bubbles meets Boomer.

Boomer swears up and down Bubbles is his fated mate. Bubbles—who is definitely interested—is like ooo so you’re a vampire, cutie? He’s broody about it. She’s like so do you sparkle in the sun?? (I absolutely love sparkles, she says). He’s like, wut?? She’s like, do you sparkle???? He’s like, uh no, the sun kind of burns my energy tho. She’s like, oh. Okay. I see. You don’t sparkle. Sooo, well, haha, okay you seem like a really really sweet guy with the whole eternal devotion thing, but I don’t think this is really going to work out between us. He’s again like WUT. Boomer gets broken up with because he doesn’t sparkle.

Vampire Butch is flat out scared of Buttercup. Like he fully admits he’s sucked infants dry of their blood; he’s why people should fear the night; he’s not a “good guy”; but BC is a force to be reckoned with. In the Victorian era, I’m guessing they had little to no experience with the modern day “bro” and BC is full on bro. This doesn’t mesh well with Butch’s broody, dark, vampire thing he’s got going on. She’s too vulgar for a Victorian lady, she wears things called “Chacos,” and she has a gun??? Multiple guns. And He. Has. No. Fucking. Idea. What. She. Is. Saying!! No! He will not “dab her up!” No, he “doesn’t lift.” This wasn’t his mysterious, tough (but still a damsel, mind you) mate he met one fateful evening, this was some heathen creature (and this is coming from a vampire), so please, please, please, can he kill her?????  

Blossom’s like I don’t like to be touched and I’m a lesbian, and Brick’s like one) I think I respect you more than the old Blossom; two) the zombies just appeared, stop asking; three) you need to now help us find our mates before their eighteenth birthday or we’re all screwed.

Ready to kick ass and fight sexist stereotypes with their new “bros,” the girls set out with their new objective, hoping beyond hope that once they find the missing girls they’ll be able to go home. The girls find out that their parallel alternatives went disappearing a few days ago, so their “return” had been a relief to the whole town. [[Blossom’s like why did no one question our clothing?!?! Why are there zombies?!?!]] ugh and then, I don’t know what happens :( really. I never really ended it. They girls just constantly shit on the boys being broody vampires and kick zombie ass, like idk what else a gal could want out of a story. I feel like they end up finding the other girls. And I think that I was going to bring HIM into the mix, but it’s still just regular HIM. It turns out that HIM likes jumping dimensions to make the Girls life hell in every lifetime and has cursed the three girls living in the vampire dimension. (“I’ve got a life outside of just you, ya know.” HIM huffed, “What are you three doing here?”) It also turns out that out of all the dimensions, our Girls as Superheroes are the best at beating HIM and saving the day, so he’s extra pissy that they’re ruining his carefully crafted “historical romance vampire soap opera.” Blossom loses her shit because the historical inaccuracies are too high to now ignore, Bubbles is pissed because HIM didn’t make good enough vampires, and Buttercup’s like honestly, not a bad game, ngl. Everyone ignores her.

[[They beat HIM, free the other girls, return home, and BC obsesses over their stats sheets. Back in Vampire land, the boys are like wait a second the relationships we are now stuck in suck.] [The zombies are still not explained]]

[luckycheesefoodie321]

ok...ok ok ok... ok... so I watched Mulan (2020)... spoilers + LONG POST (yo this took me an hour and a half)...

before yall scream at me for spending money on it, lemme just say i was fully intending to wait until December so that I would not have to give even more money to the Disney machine (especially in light of things that happened with John Boyega) nor endorse individuals who support police brutality or oppression... but my mum and sister nagged me to buy it so we could watch it now, and explaining the politics of supporting both Disney’s greed and the controversy around the lead actress and would’ve just frustrated us both so I paid for it -_- please don’t crucify me... 

also want to preface this by saying I am not Chinese (though I am Asian), and I understand that the 1998 film and this film have inherent issues, given neither were directed by Asian directors, let alone Chinese ones... so the representation of the Chinese culture is likely flawed (and likely straight up wrong) in many ways... additionally, Li Yifei has been shown to support the actions of police in Hong Kong, so just know I’m viewing her role purely from an acting and movie standpoint...

now that’s done... general rating for the movie

when compared to the original animated film (my favourite Disney movie of all time): scrapes by on a 5/10

movie that stands on its own as I watched it (just note I’m the type of person who can enjoy pretty much anything - even if I’m hyper-critical of it): 7/10 (I’m very generous but my viewing experience was nice)

if I break it down completely into its underlying faults and wash away the Hollywood sheen and the nostalgia filter: 4/10 for themes 8/10 for cinematography and the technical aspects... (this movie was gorgeous to look at and had some really fun camera work, sue me for enjoying the visuals)

Full SPOILER review:

For the most part, my nostalgia filter from the animated film, which I dearly dearly love, basically had me ecstatic anytime there was even a hint of a reference to the animated film (see: occasional notes from the songs), and also sorely disappointed when the acting or the general pace pulled the fun or the emotion from key points (see: A Girl Worth Fighting For being abruptly cut off upon seeing the carnage would’ve been so much more impactful because they actually showed the bodies in the 2020 version but instead we got this kinda funny convo referencing the lines completely separated from that scene)...

The biggest issue I have with the film is that Mulan was naturally skilled from the beginning and was told to suppress her abilities.. making her OP from the beginning undermines the 1998 journey where we see every step of her development both in physical ability and her emotional struggles... then through her wits, intelligence, and strategy, as well as being on par and even better than her fellow soldiers, she manages to defeat Shan Yu and makes us feel her “Hero” status is very much earned... so it takes away from what the 1998 film tried to show in suggesting Mulan could just OP her way to victory at the drop of a hat.. and also implied her being dishonest about her true identity was her primary flaw? idk thematically they were trying to be super empowering of women and the capability of women, and the boxes women are forced into according to society... but then suggest Mulan was always inherently gifted/had a special power and that is why she succeeded, while the other soldiers worked hard and effectively achieved the same goal (albeit in a less flashy manner)... so the message gets very confusing...

i felt that Xian Niang (was that her name?), the Witch, had a lot of potential, but I was also really concerned they introduced her to make sure Mulan had a female enemy to defeat, and Shan Yu/Bori Khan was a minion of this female enemy... so in that sense I’m glad she served as a foil to Mulan... I would’ve liked the parallels more if the “being your true self”/”bring honor to us all” theme wasn’t so muddled... Mulan was accepted while XIan Niang wasn’t because they both had powers, but then Mulan convinces her to take the noble path and so Xian Niang died for her? idk there was a better way to fold her into the story...

Shan Yu/Bori Khan was about as much as I expected from him... I think he matched Shan Yu for skill, though idk about ferocity or intimidation power, though the actor was decent enough... but I did enjoy his and Mulan’s fight... less impactful because he didn’t even know about her and how she was the one to take down most of his army...

didn’t mind that Mushu was missing... fondly referred to the phoenix as Mushu (though I understand there may be cultural missteps in a phoenix being the spirit/ancestor/guardian)...

I also didn’t mind they removed the power imbalance between Shang and Mulan and had her love interest be a fellow soldier...I really liked Yoson An’s character actually...but the romance element was significantly dialled back, so we didn’t get the bisexual icon that is Li Shang... also Li Yifei’s emotional acting was normal but not outstanding... so her feelings for Honghui didn’t really register much except for that first time they chat in the barracks about girls, and right before she goes home... (just me being pouty about him not joining the Imperial Guards to Mulan’s home and presenting himself for matchmaking... though I understand it was to keep focus on Mulan’s journey, not her love interest)...

while it probably wasn’t the intention of the 1998 film, the positive portrayal of gender fluidity, the specific empowerment of trans and bisexual individuals through Mulan and Shang (bc let’s get real, he was just as attracted to Ping as he was Mulan), all did not ring in quite the same way in the 2020 version... again I’m not part of either community, so I can’t say for sure, but this is what I read from it...

overall the fun was taken out, with the songs... I would say this is probably on the higher end of Disney Live Action adaptations, there were some fun moments and funny dialogue even, and I didn’t mind that they were trying to do something different, unlike some of the others which made it note for note the same... but ultimately the biggest flaw of most of the adaptations are that it removes the fun and the levity in lieu of a more serious tone... 

I accepted no songs (I was hopeful and then pleasantly surprised when they did pay some minor homages through the score to the original’s songs)... but the fun moments were meant to be intentionally undercut by the reality of the war... there’s a reason A Girl Worth Fighting For was cut off so abruptly in the 1998 version... it was the moment where these trainees (all of them young and having never experienced battle or war before) suddenly realised the severity of the situation before them, and it was in that moment they accepted their fate and duty to protect the kingdom...

the 2020 version just kind of had them walk through the carnage without any real build up... the grand battle sequence with the avalanche was pretty well done, the overdramatic “Hua Jun died but Mulan lived” scene notwithstanding.. i didn’t mind that Mulan volunteered to expose herself rather than be forced half-naked into the snow by the Chancellor dude... didn’t like Honghui got the “you listened to Hua Jun, why is Hua Mulan any different?” line... the “I believe in Hua Mulan” was kinda goofy, but I could see what they were going for... it was kinda undermined by the Commander saying “you dishonoured your family and this regiment but hey, you’re brave and loyal kid”...felt very patronising...

I’m not gonna lie, I kinda loved Cricket... he was adorable and I had half a heart attack when I thought he’d died... 

DIDN’T REALISE MING NA WEN MADE A CAMEO UNTIL I CAME ON HERE...so that was nice..

still pissed they didn’t even put the drum beats for “I’ll Make a Man Outta You”...they were using drums during the training sequence too so would’ve been real easy to do so AND THEY DIDN’T...they did it for “Bring Honor to Us All” and “Reflection”...idk why they couldn’t even give us that much of my favourite Disney song...

again, cannot emphasise enough how gorgeous this whole movie looked...and there were so many fun camera work moments... the visuals had me dead on the floor ya’ll...

idk what else i have to say now...

tl;dr I enjoyed the experience of watching it, but hooooo boi the film is flawed as hell...

[thephantomofthe-internet]

Chapter 7: A Sentimental Journey

Steve Harrington x Reader

CATCH UP ON THE SERIES HERE

Words: 3,095

Warnings: None? I mean probably swearing but this is straight fluff

Tags: @divinity-deos @wolfish-willow @scoopsohboi @thecaptainsgingersnap @herre-gud-nej @clockworkballerina @maddie1504​ @i-am-trash-so-much-its-scary @buckysarge​ @wildcvltre​ @n3wtscaseofniffler5​ @peterparxour @linkispink1995​ @a-big-ball-of-idk​ @used-avocado​ @mochminnie​ @sledgy14​ @the-creative-lie​ @yall-wildin-like-siriusly​ @ggclarissa​ @boredoomfm​ @voidnarnia​ @anonymousonion33 @the-passionate-freak​

“Steve, take me to prom,” Steve nearly shot milk out of his nose. He’d spent the morning counting down the hours till school was over. The final essay for crabby old Lawrence was due in less than a week and you still hadn’t handed over his essay for his final rewrite, which wasn’t a problem, he could just wait until he was back in your bedroom. Steve liked your house a lot more than his. He liked your grandparents, especially Maude who’d sit him on the couch and show him photos from your childhood. He liked your bedroom and digging through your sketchbooks, he liked how comfortable you were in your own space. Samantha would sometimes join the pair of you there, eating popcorn and playing her 48s on your dusty Mickey Mouse record player. But most of the time it was the pair of you alone, working on assignments and swapping stories. He’d forgotten about Vicki entirely, he’d only joined Tommy for lunch after he grabbed him by the arm and pulled him over.

“What?” he sputtered, swallowing hard. The whole table was watching him carefully. Vicki merely shrugged, batting her eyelashes at him. Steve’s stomach soured. It wasn’t as if Vicki wasn’t an attractive person, she was very pretty, but only on the outside. He didn’t really have it in him to stomach another night with her.

“I…I kind of have my eye on someone else, Vicks.” Steve watched as she deflated, looking down at her untouched kernel corn. “Besides, Hargrove’s probably itching to take you anyway.”

That was the wrong answer. Vicki immediately burst into tears, pushing away from the table. Carol rushed to console her, Tina taking up the rear. “They broke up last week, jackass.” She bit out, flipping Steve off angrily as she followed behind the crying Vicki.

Steve stood from the table, heading away from the mess he made. He didn’t want to hang out with Tommy anyway, especially with him glaring him down from across the table. He didn’t get why it mattered so much to Tommy that he do things the way he wanted. Dating Vicki didn’t make him more or less popular. It literally didn’t matter. They were going to graduate soon anyway.

Samantha grinned as she caught Steve walking over. “Harrington, twelve o’clock.” She whispered. You didn’t look up from your pad. The light had caught his hair right and you wanted to finish your shading before you lost the image in your mind. You heard Steve pull out the chair next to you and then your pad was tugged away.

“Hey!” you cried, your charcoal making a wide black streak down the page, effectively ruining the drawing.

“Who’s this supposed to be?” he held the sketchpad in front of him and then next to his face. Samantha chuckled darkly, shaking her head. “Is this supposed to be me?”

“Well, it was going to be till you ruined it.” You grumbled, snatching the pad back .

“That looks nothing like me!” Steve laughed loudly. In truth, he thought the man in the picture was too symmetrical and handsome to be him.

“On what planet?” Samantha scoffed, pulling her butterscotch pudding cup away from Steve’s greedy hands. He was a notorious pudding thief, and food thief in general, much to her annoyance and surprise.

“I get the best of everyone’s features…” you muttered, working on removing the mark he’d made “Not that there’s much to discard from you…”

“You missed the scar on my nose.” He replied with a shrug, grabbing your vanilla pudding. You both knew that you wouldn’t eat it.

You looked up “What scar?” Steve pointed to the bridge of his nose. You inched closer, getting a better view of the mark. Steve held his breath, utterly paralyzed. He felt like such a doofus. He was usually so smooth with girls, but you made him utterly tongue tied.

“Hm, yeah you do.” You pulled your face back, turning back to your pad, adding a thin line to the strong bridge of his nose. “How’d you get that?”

“Got hit in the face with a baseball bat in pee-wee t-ball.” Steve admitted. The participation trophy he had was from that game, his father took him out of the sport after getting hit. His whole team won the season, but because he didn’t play he got a tiny trophy from the league as a consolation prize.

“Seriously?” You and Samantha said in unison.

“Yeah, I made the paper and everything.” That was a point of pride for Steve, he had the clipping somewhere in his room. You and Samantha laughed at his cockiness. The image of elementary aged Steve with a huge gash down his nose and a toothless grin, holding up a dinky little trophy for the poor, underpaid reporter taking down the story.

The bell signalling the end of lunch blared over head and the three of you rushed to collect your things. Steve grabbed your tray, waiting for you to pack up your things. Samantha left without you, bidding her goodbyes to the pair of you.

Steve reached out to touch your elbow lightly, drawing your attention to him “We still good to hang out after school?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure, we can look over your essay.” You shrugged, trying to get the electric current blazing up your nerves to settle. Your breath caught in your chest every time he touched you. You wouldn’t lie to yourself, you liked him. You more than liked him; you didn’t even know how to explain it. You’d say it was love but you weren’t even sure how that was supposed to feel. All you knew is that the world seemed better when he was around and it wasn’t everything seemed greyer and duller. He was summer personified. He was sunshine and summer evenings and flowers and everything beautiful. And you never used to like all that shit. But now you wanted to bask in the glow of the sun that was Steve Harrington.

The hours till the bell always ticked slower and slower after lunch. The individual grains of sand cascaded past your eyelids as you zoned out in your other classes. When the final bell rang, the pair of you rushed from opposite sides of the school to meet in the middle. Samantha was walking disgustingly slow to your shared locker. “So, yeah I was going to ask Robin but I figure it might be suspicious enough to go with a girl, besides I don’t think I can snag another ticket so close to the deadline as is,” she’d been going on about whether or not she should invite her little junior paramour to the prom.

“Yeah, I mean most people already think you’re weird enough, showing up with a random junior might totally ruin you.” You sneered. Graduation was just around the corner, and Samantha’s acceptance to Wellesley was well taken care of. She was almost out of Hawkins; there was no point in trying to pretend that she was straight.

“It’s not me I’m worried about, it’s her. She’ll still be stuck here after I leave, I don’t want to make things hard for her.” Samantha replied with a shrug, pulling her gym kit from the bottom of your locker.

“Just take my ticket. You know most of the soccer team is going anyway.” You replied, shoving her cleats into her bag. You dropped your textbooks onto the tiny top shelf and pulled your messenger bag across your body.  You spotted Steve from across the hall. He’d just left his gym class and his hair was wet and dripping on his face. He bounded over to you, grinning like a fool.

“You ready?” he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“You ever going to dry your hair?” Samantha mused. Steve shook his head hard, water flying off his to dry it like a dog would. You and Samantha screeched, holding up your hands to hide your faces from the water.

You smacked Steve’s back “Enough!” you cried. Steve stopped immediately, laughing softly.

“I’m gone, catch you tomorrow.” Samantha waved, jogging off to probably find little Robin. You and Steve headed off towards Steve’s car. He drove the pair of you home even when you weren’t hanging out. It was nice to have a ride home, Hawkins weather wasn’t kind in spring and even in May when the weather turned warmer and the sun shone brightly, rain could still hit at any moment. That was how you rationalized making maps in your mind of Steve’s hand on the gear shift and the way his jaw clenched when someone tried to cut him off or turned too slow in the left hand turn lane. He was too beautiful. It was painful to watch him, like staring directly into the sun. You thought about kissing him more than you’d ever admit out loud. It felt like wanting to kiss the statue of David, like Pygmalion with his Galatea, too self-flagellating to even attempt. You didn’t know why you felt like his creator, but you did. You’d done nothing to build him, to mould him, and yet you left as if you knew him better than anyone else. You understood his nature, the way his mind worked.  

Steve parked in his driveway and the pair of you headed across the street to your house. Your house seemed to be a specific choice for both of you. For you, being in your own home was comfortable and safe. You knew it like the back of your hand and it felt correct to be there. A cocoon of security for you to burrow into. Recently, Steve’s mother had been home much more than a month ago. You couldn’t read his mind, but being somewhere else than his own bedroom was probably a nice change. He seemed to keep you away from his house when his mother was there.

You unlocked the front door, kicking off your shoes in the doorway and tossing them on the rack. Steve followed suite mindlessly, calling into the house “Hey, Maude! Mr. Y/L/N…” he still wasn’t certain that your grandfather liked him; he seemed at times disinterested and at others cruel and cutting.

“Nice to see you again, Steve.” Maude smiled, poking her head out of the living room to smile at the pair of you. Your grandmother liked Steve. You were certain that she’d like anyone new you brought home. She was desperate to meet any of your friends and refused to believe that she’d met them all.

You and Steve headed upstairs, taking your usual seats in your bedroom, you on your desk chair and Steve laying flat on your mattress, constantly staring up at the stars. You read back his essay to him, noting the problems you’d found. This was the third time you’d edited it and the words were well worn into both of your brains. He’d decided to write on way Heathcliff is painted as a monster within the text, a fine topic which Mr. Lawrence had suggested as one of the topic choices. His argument was that Heathcliff is painted as a monster because of his interest in a woman he’s come to find in a sisterly position in his life. Basically, incest isn’t cool. It was a hard argument to proof, because the answers weren’t in the text itself, you had to push him to find points within the spaces in between the words. You were proud of the final piece that he’d created; it was a strong case and a decent attempt at a college level essay.

“What’s the verdict, chief?” Steve asked, sitting up slightly to address you fully.

“It’s good, there’s still a few sentences that need reworking and a quote that I think you could axe, but even without those edits you can still swing a solid B.” you handed the papers over to him. The pages had the least amounts of edits you’d done for him all semester. He’d really improved his writing.

“You think?” Steve replied, flipping through the pages quickly, noting the wide circle around a bit of dialogue from the fifteenth chapter. He couldn’t help but smile at the wide, bubbly ‘B+’ you’d scrawled at the top of the page. You’d drawn a little smiley face next to the grade, a small touch you’d started doing after editing his second paper, a little one pager about the thirteenth chapter of Wuthering Heights. He liked the little smiles, they made him happy whenever he saw them, they were a little touch of you on his work, a detail he refused to miss.

“Duh!” you scoffed, rolling your eyes.

Steve stood from your bed, turning his attention to your shelf. You’d let him go through your work before, a small feat of trust for you. You didn’t usually even let Samantha go through most of your work. You’d usually choose what people could see of your work. But Steve seemed to like the strange, unfinished, or messy works hidden in binders or pads shelved. He pulled out a grey binder, labelled in masking tape ‘Hawkins’ Most Beautiful’. He held up the binder to you, raising an eyebrow. “Now, what the hell is this?” he asked.

“That was my first attempt at a portfolio, before I learned what a portfolio was.” You replied with a small length. Steve opened the binder, which you’d turned into a sort of album with plastic viewers holding sketches in place, both in black and white and colour. He recognized the first one immediately as Nancy from about a year ago, judging by her ringlet curls. It looked so much like he remembered her, but he knew the girl you’d drawn wasn’t who she really was. Steve flipped the page. He didn’t recognize some faces, strangers to him, and you hadn’t labelled them with names. You done a couple recreations of yearbook photos, he remembered signing a picture of Carol, Tina, and Vicki from the previous year, the trio grinning in Hawkins High merchandise.

“You could do a whole like show with these, they’re really cool.” He held the binder up, pages flipped to the portrait you’d done of Barbara Holland. When you’d drawn that, you hadn’t known that she’d go missing or wind up dead, she was just the girl sat across from you in the library with interesting glasses.

“I’d want to redo them first. They’re all rough drafts. I planned to redraw them, choosing to emphasize one colour for each of the drawings, but then I also planned to black out their eyes, and then I thought they were all stupid ideas.” You explained sheepishly.

“No, don’t touch them.” Steve cut in “They’re perfect the way they are.”

Steve wasn’t much of an art critic. He certainly wasn’t an objective judge. But despite logic, you blushed heavily, turning your gaze away. You wished Steve would look away but he didn’t, you felt his eyes on you. “You really don’t have to be so nice, you know…” you muttered, looking up to meet his eye with a shy smile.

“Go to prom with me?” Steve hadn’t thought about the question before he said it. The subject had been on his mind since that afternoon and when he told Vicki that he had someone else in mind for the dance. At the time he didn’t think much of the statement, now it seemed obvious who his subconscious was alluding to.

“What?” you breathed out wide eyed and confused. You hadn’t planned on going at all. Samantha wanted to go, and you’d bought tickets but when she gained interested in Robin you relinquished your ticket easily to her. She’d have more fun on a quasi-date with the junior.

“Go with me,” he chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “You don’t have a date yet do you?”

“I don’t even have a ticket…I gave it away.” you replied, looking at your feet instead of him. You felt like such a little geek. You knew Steve wasn’t laughing at you, but you still felt small.

“I have two. And I want you to go with me.” Steve said simply, reaching out and taking your hand.

“Are you sure? I mean your friends all hate me and I don’t think your status as king will be damaged if they see you with me.” You replied, shaking your head as if the statement was funny. You couldn’t imagine spending the night with Tommy and Carol, and having it go well.  You knew that it wouldn’t.

“It doesn’t have to be like that. It can be whatever you want.” Steve said easily. He just wanted you to feel comfortable and it was so obvious that you weren’t. “And I don’t care about those guys. I’ll kick their asses if they try anything.”

“Whoa, calm down, we don’t want you getting hurt.” You joked, looking up at the ceiling. You didn’t have to know Steve personally to know that he was not a fighter, losing to freak Jonathan Byers was not a small story in a small town. Steve laughed at his own expense. Internally, he knew he could fight when he needed to, to protect people, but he couldn’t exactly tell that story. It still scared him too much to speak of.

“So, will you?” he asked. You rubbed your lips together, unsure what the right answer was. If there even was a right answer. Your gut instinct said yes without a doubt, but your mind fought back at the notion of even humouring the idea. You’d get laughed out of the place. You’d get mocked. Steve was playing a cruel prank. He couldn’t want to be seen with you. But you met his eye and you didn’t see any malice there. His wide, expressive eyes screamed kindness and patience.

You swallowed hard, pushing away feelings of worry. “Yeah, okay…” you said softly, taking Steve’s hand again to steady yourself. Steve would protect you if he needed to. He’d promised to. And you trusted him.

“Yeah?” he asked, matching your tone.

“Yeah.” You nodded hard, almost as if to convince him as well as yourself. Steve’s face split into his wide grin and you found yourself smiling too. Despite yourself, you were a bit excited. You spent the afternoon with his hand in yours, not letting go unless you did, looking over the portraits and discussing what you saw in the faces. It was the first moment of peace your heart had found in a long time

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[biaswreckingfics]

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAYYY!! gosh pls dont find me weird okay, and these are just my personal opinions and im not hating any groups!! but my unpopular opinion is: i think kpop has become very toxic after bts and bp got famous in America. And tbh if you ask me, i wouldnt want any other kpop groups to be famous in America... i only stan exo but i think i speak for all groups when i say they are safe as they are now... of course if exo ever get even more famous i will be happy and proud for their success. But look how fame and America has changed bts and bp... not tryna hate but look theyve changed, idk if anyone else noticed but after fame hits bts, i realised how theyve start to become very...white?? like they are so westernised and like example, they start focusing on America only, they even curse (not a lot but i’d still point out) casually like for example, jungkook singing a curse word in his cover song for jason derulo savage love i think (speaking of cursing, after nct127 got famous in usa mark started getting influenced by them too and he casually cursed like “oh fuck” and everyones like 😃😆) even i curse and im not saying cursing is BADD but yeah i am, and how they sing a whole song in english, not to even mention how toxic america is but in grammys they have sold tons of albums yet they didnt win anything but when they release an english song, they won.

Some half of them americans are very toxic, racist, and just theyre basically acid, like bruh, its evident that once bts got famous there are soooo much hate thrown towards bts too cuz theyre asians, or how some would say theyre gay or look like girls...if my favs (exo) ever get these kinds of treatments (not that they dint but veryy little cuz thank god they ain exposed to the western culture) i will B R E A K, i could never handle that so i would never want that to happen to them. Also noticed how, after bts got famous, most armys are equally as toxic, whether they are just stanning bts just cuz theyre famous there, or like how their fans dont even know anything abt bts and coming after so many groups and their fans. Most of them are fake and i think its cuz of the fame for bts lmao. One thing i’d like to say too tho, is how they are so overrated and their songs are played all the damn time, people would randomly talk abt them, like everywhere you go THEY ARE JUST THERE, like in my opinion if i am an army, i would just feel like they are so common and theres nothing special about them anymore and theres no excitement, like what even is the point anymore. idk if anyone gets me but thats just how i feel about my favs being “wOrLdWiDe fAmOuS”, i will love them and their music but its just something i think about tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ like let me listen to them on my own and vibe and love them, dont play it 24/7 just cuz they are famous and ure tryna get people’s attention, like imagine ure in the subway and u hear ur favs song cuz its EVERYWHERE and ure there like 😐😐 not that u dont love their music but its cuz horrible people dont deserves to listen to their songs, and like people arent going to appreciate them anyway so yeah i feel uncomfortable listening to my favs as others dont even bother, like imagine if that subway is filled with people who are in ur fandom, yall would just hv the best time in the world and VIBE, if not what even is the point. Idk if im explaining it properly, but its badically like, u feeling UNCOMFORTABLE or should i even say SELFISH cuz u do not want to be sharing ur favs with people who dont even deserve to KNOW about them. Basically like seeing how someone you HATE or bullied you back then talking and being all friendly fake with ur BESTEST FRIEND or even boyfriend/girlfriend, cuz u just want to protect them from EVIL (im so dramatic)

And well lastly, no Bts did not paved the way, or “bts is the best and only group” like no, so many amazing artists were breaking records way before bts was even a thing (no hate to bts) but they really need to get slap for having that mindset, they really make a bad image for bts...tbh kpop before was so peaceful (a little toxic but still, compared to now...BYE) and everything was just about idols and fans love, listening and supporting and loving their music and just so comforting... urgh anyway thats all i wanna say and here are some texts i saved relating to kpop groups going famous worldwide uwu

these are also examples, and honestly speaking here, i dont want to be specific as in “exo” cuz i think this happens for ALL the groups out there and the love and relationship between the idols and their fans (family) are just beautiful, but for bts and armys... tbh i feel bad because i just dont see or feel any love they hv for each other (sure we see bts saying i love you armys or armys supporting bts but with all the toxicity in their way, theres just no spark or chemistry or bond no more it’s basically like one direction and their fans and thats all they are, celebrity-fan, but for kpop its family), i can see other groups and their fans interacting or how idols would light up talking abt their fans, but for bts, theres just soooo much mess going on in their fandom its not special anymore, they lost the deep meaning of their group love and IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but YEAH DJSHSKSJ OH and to add somethign else, they got famous in America, look at all the collabs🤡🤡 blackpink with cardi b, bts with nicki etc... not that collabs arent fun... im just saying these american artists... they dont exactly have a good reputation (americans singing about sex (not the good kind), money, girls and drugs) 🥴🥴 dont influenced my faves and let them be exposed to the toxic culture YALL GET ME?? KPOP HAS THE LETTER K FOR A REASON😭😭😭 let them be their own shining star, not everything has to be involved or a part of aMeRiCa to be amazing.... PHEW IVE SAID IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE GETS MAD AT ME, I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE TO YOU, if youre an american and youre no where near being toxic, I LOVE YOU but im just saying, the western culture is toxic and im just saying what ive been observing and noticing🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ ps: i still love exo till the max and everything about them is perfect and theyre just amazing people (everything i said that bts and armys dont really have anymore, i think thankfully, EXO (sorry im biased) most fandoms still have so much of the L O V E there and i find that extraordinary) and he fandom is so comforting and amazing and idk dkdjjdjss thats why i dont want them getting famous worldwide...sorry exols ANYWAY THATS ALL FOR MY RANT ITS 4AM AND I AM THINKING OF DELETING THIS💀💀💀 anywya sorry for taking up so much space but i just wanna say I FREKAING LOVE NO EXIT, NO LIMITS, basically all ur exo fics cuz why not🥺🥺 i think ur writing skills are amazing as well as the plots and all especially forsaken, and THANK YOU for two bbhxoc fics😭😭😭 i cant!!! also if u reached here idk i-🥲 i hope u didnt get mad or offended 👀

Reply under the cut!!

Kpop has become extremely toxic with the growth of international fans and the rise of 3rd/4th gen. I wasn't around to experience the previous generations, but I know damn well they weren't a mess like these newer ones are.

Gaining fame in America does seem to change idols, and idk why. The group members change and the music changes also. While I do enjoy hearing idols swear (guilty pleasure) and I am an American so I get to enjoy their English songs, I can see how it makes all the other cultures/countries feel some type of way.

I will say this, though, the Grammys are shit and I dont get why people care so much about them. They've proven time and time again the awards don't go to the best artists. However, this doesn't mean that I think BTS deserved a Grammy imo.

Americans are a very toxic and hate filled bunch (again, I am one, so I get to see this shit every day). I 100% know that some of the hate directed towards Asians is because of racism (as seen by the insane uptick in crime against Asian Americans right now) and because some see kpop male idols as too feminine.

BTS is literally everywhere, which is one of the reasons I stopped listening to them tbh. They'd be in commercials, on talk shows, late night shows, in magazines, on the radio, just everywhere. It took the joy out of watching anything from them just because they were always in my face, so I can see what you mean.

I feel like the relationship between BTS and army has changed (from an outsiders perspective). Its no longer about loving and supporting your group and being happy for them. Now, its "so-so wants this? We MUST do everything in our power and spam every possible thing ever so they get what they want". Its almost frightening. They also no longer care about the quality of the music being put out. Doesn't matter what it is, they stream the ever loving shit out of it and make it break records when, honestly, it doesn't deserve to (again imo).

Lastly, I didnt get mad or offended haha. I understand a lot of these viewpoints, and thank you so much for liking my work!! I do wonder what would happen if I made a true BBH centric fic and not just spin offs or continuations of previous works where oc ends up with BBH 🤔🤔 I think that fic would have too much power haha.

[xumos-hoe]

MC and [boi] are hanging out. SUDDENLY the traitorous wire of MCs somewhat older bra penetrates though the fabric and stabs her side! A short cry of pain cuts the peaceful atmosphere and [boi] quickly looks over at MC clutching the side of her chest!!!!! How will [boi] react???

HJKHKFKDKWSM I CANT STRESS HOW MUCH THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN THE PAST💀💀💀 LMAO THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING THIS BABE AND HOPE U ENJOY💕

MLQC crew react to MC getting poked by a bra wire

~~~~~~~~

Victor

Cooking on Friday evenings was a past time the two of you enjoyed almost every week.

The aroma of Victor’s next masterpiece filled the cozy space of the kitchen; something reminiscent of sweet peppers and spice. The sizzling of red meat on the stove coupled with the piano resonating from the speakers filled the evening with an even more calming ambience.

You peered into the pan on the stove, with the steak and all it’s juices cooking perfectly. Victor was on the other side of the counter, quietly dicing onions and mushrooms. You smiled to yourself as you watched the peaceful expression on his face—he was definitely in his happy place and it warmed your heart to see him so at peace.

Your gaze fell to the bowl of uncut tomatoes, lettuce, and cucumber beside him. You had a thought and stepped closer. “Do you need anything extra for the salad?”

Victor’s movement didn’t falter. He worked swiftly, and without even lifting his gaze from the chopping board, motioned to the fridge. “Cilantro. Topmost shelf.”

You nodded and did as he asked. Though the cilantro was...quite high up... you stood on your tippy toes and...

“Ow!”

A short cry of pain broke Victor from his concentration. He quickly turned towards the fridge where you were, eyes squeezed shut and clutching your side tightly.

The knife clattered to the countertop and within seconds, Victor was right by your side. His brows furrowed closely in concern as he watched your movements, fingertips finding your own where they’d been clutching your side.

“Did you hurt yourself? What’s wrong?” There was a trace of urgency in his voice and you almost laughed and shook your head quickly.

“No—m-my bra wire...”

cue an instantly confused Vic

bra wire? huh???

“It stabbed me!” You stand up straight and peer down your shirt with a frown, noticing that sOmeHoW the wire of your bra slipped out and poked you.

and b r u h.

HERE VICTOR WAS THINKING THAT YOU REALLY GOT STABBED

Honestly he’s more confused as to HOW tf that would even happen but too annoyed to ask.

don’t ask Victor idk either

Victor sighs long and deeply to himself before rolling his eyes and grabbing the cilantro himself. You’re still to busy adjusting your bra through your shirt that you don’t notice him blush a little and mutter “moron” under his breath.

He’s already working on the cilantro by the time you thinkkk you’ve fixed the wire and try to help him again—but Victor stops you.

“You can help after you’ve changed. Now go.”

“But—”

“Go.”

Hanging your head in shame, you step out the kitchen and comply without a second word.

Lucien

just let this man have some peace and quiet pls—

but nah, your bra had other plans.

The two of you were at his office—you were waiting for him to finish up writing some 200-fucking-page dissertation on something about neuroscience and THEN the two of you could go out for lunch.

The weather was so nice outside too; sunnier than it’d been in days and you could already feel the warm, summer breeze on your skin despite the window pane separating you from it.

Besides the rapid keyboard tapping and your steps on the floor of his office, the room was mostly silent and becoming increasingly stuffy. You’d already thrown off your cardigan earlier to help with the heat but it was still becoming warmer.

So you had an idea and walked towards the windows:

“Lucien? Do you mind if I crack open a window?”

For the first time in forever, he looked up from the computer screen and gave you a smile. “Do whatever you’d like, but I’ll admit that it is getting rather warm in here.”

You turned on your heels happily and reached for the lock on the windows before it happened...

And by it—I mean the piece of shit wire from an even more piece of shit bra that had penetrated through the fabric and stabbed your side.

Lucien looks up again when he hears you gasp out and tug at your shirt painfully. You’re even cursing under your breath when the wire digs into your side a second time.

He half stands from his seat, a little suprise as he watches it all play out before speaking up.

“MC? Are you alright?”

You haven’t stopped fidgeting with your shirt (specifically the thing beneath it) aND I GUESS YOU CAN SAY LUCIEN KINDA UNDERSTOOD...

“It’s just that the wire—”

“Of your bra poked you?”

You pause and slowly face him with a blank expression. how did he know?

“How did y—?”

A gentle stream of laughter fills the room as Lucien sets his glasses aside and rises from his seat.

“The same thing happened last week, don’t you remember?”

You think back for a moment and oh. he’s right.

You’re not sure if it’s the onslaught of heat or your own embarrassment but your cheeks turn a bright shade of red as Lucien walks over and slips his bag over his shoulder.

“Luckily, I’ve finished my work for the day. But we might have to make a short trip before lunch.”

You take his hand and frown. “Where?”

Suddenly, Lucien’s free hand creeps up your back to where the clasp of your bra is. He taps the clasp directly and smiles.

The gesture is all the explanation you need.

Kiro

Wearing an older bra on a flight seemed like the more reasonable choice tbh. You’d be trapped in a corner for 6 hours, might as well make it comfy.

but you had no way of telling that this would be the consequence of wearing an old bra.

Kiro had a tendency to fall asleep on flights until the last possible minute before landing, and NOOOO—he couldn’t use a normal pillow like normal people do.

He liked sleeping on your shoulder.

This wasn’t a problem. You hardly mind, in fact, it’s quite endearing. Just not when the side he’s sleeping on also happens to be the side of your rib cage that the bra wire stabs.

You fight against a cry of pain the instant it pokes you. Especially since you were so squished, it continued to poke deeper.

And worst of all, you had no way of moving it with Kiro on your shoulder, snoozing away.

You almost curse the ridiculousness of the situation. Cue you making an awkward attempt to crane your free hand up your shirt to adjust the wiring without anyone thinking otherwise...

AND ITS SO HARD BECAUSE KIRO IS RIGHT THERE! PRESSED AGAINST YOUR SIDE!!

He shows no signs of waking up and the deeper the wire digs, the more restless you become, until you’re left with the last possible choice.

“Pssst. Psssst! Kiro?”

You try whispering directly into his ear, and after a few tries, the blonde stirs beside you and thankfully, moves his head away, giving you enough room to adjust your posture and the wiring.

But the wire falls back into place.

You stifle a cry of pain and clutch your side tightly. Somehow, Kiro had finally woken up and noticed you in what he assumed was “pain” and his sleepy gaze instantly turned bewildered.

His hand finds yours and he whispers urgently. “Miss Chips?! Hey, what happened?”

As quiet as you try to make your voice, Kiro manages to make out bra and wire—and it takes alllll of your strength not to sock this mf in the face when he starts laughing.

You slap his arm and make another attempt to move wire but he keeps on laughing.

The laughter dies down after a couple from the opposite aisle shoot the two of you a look, and between tears, Kiro asks if you’re alright now.

Though you don’t answer him, you’re impressed by his audacity when he snuggles his head right back against your shoulder, even after embarrassing you, and falls back asleep.

Gavin

I guess having such a fit boyfriend came with its downsides

Because more often than not, Gavin asked you to work out with him.

And the worst part was that he rarely took no for an answer—he was actually quite adamant about it, mostly for your benefit, but secretly—it gave him a little extra time to hang out with you.

It’d be a waste of good weather to spend the morning holed up in a gym, so the two of you figured to take your workout outside and jog around the park.

So, your first mistake was wearing an older bra instead of a sports bra without wiring. You realized this too late and couldn’t go back inside—what was the worst that could happen anyway?

...the worst happened halfway through your first lap around the park.

You knew Gavin held back like 97% of his normal speed just so he could match your pace and stay right next to you despite the mANY times you’ve asked him to go on ahead.

However, today was better than most days. The early morning sunshine and good weather did quite a bit to motivate you, so most of the jog had already gone smoothly.

until that halfway point...

Gavin was usually lost in his own thoughts while he ran, as were you, so very little conversation occurred during these times. Sometimes he’d even have his earbuds in and you knew better than to disturb him.

That’s why he didn’t exactly hear you cry out in pain when the initial poke happened. You slowed to a stop and squeezed your eyes shut—that’s what had caught his attention, and soon enough, he was by your side.

His expression went from curious to mild concern as he watched you exasperatedly peer down your shirt and cringe as the wire poked you yET AGAIN.

“...MC? You okay?”

You nodded and tugged aggressively at your shirt. “

“I’m okay! But this stupid bra...”

jvkfkejxjwj YALL💀

GAVIN. WAS. CONFUSEDDDD

For some reason his brain could NOT compute why a bra would cause you this much pain. HE WASN’T EVEN ABLE TO PROPERLY ASK

BIRDCOP WAS SHOCKED when you STRAIGHT UP shoved your arm down your shirt and tugged that mf wire out of your rib cage.

You had to roll your eyes and explain that the wire in your bra poked you and that somehow confuses him even more.

bras have wires??

The only thing he asks is if you wanna take a small break to fix your uh...situation... but you wave your hand and assure him that you’re fine.

But actually !!! Gav doesn’t let you continue jogging. He asks you to wait on a nearby bench for him to finish his workout before the two of you head back home (mostly because he’s scared that it’ll happen again and hurt you).

(and truthfully, you’re a little relieved to finally sit down)

[bnhaimaginables]

Hawks with a Blasian s/o (+ Christmas, cause why not)

(I was raised by my dad's family, Black side. And my mom's side is Cambodian. So this is where I'm coming from)

Hes excited to learn about your black heritage

He claims to have the Asian perspective on things on lock

But school him anyways (even if your Japanese)

Once he gets it through his skull that all Asians aren't the same, he's more prone to listen and ask questions

But he reaaaally wants to learn about black history

So you teach him

He gets kinda upset about the whole slavery thing.

You let him know the world is still trying to change

And he understands that, but still tho.

This mans is good for nothing.

He doesn't quite understand your need for certain hair shampoos and conditioners

And he doesn't understand the switch, you go through because of your hair

"Baby... why is all this shampoo in here?"

"Im trying some new ones out."

"Oh."

He starts to bring home new shampoos and conditioners for you

When you find one you really like (and that works) he buys that specific one

And if he can't find it nearby, he orders it offline

Dancing. On God, he comes to you, with his phone, showing you those dumbass tic toks , asking if you know how to do the dance

After him bothering you for about 15 to 20 minutes, you say yes.

Then it's another 20 minutes of "teach me. Babe. Teach me, please!"

You give in, after seeing his wings fluff up(he only does this to get what he wants)

So here you are, in yalls living room, trying to teach this dude, these dances

Its definitely a sight to watch him try and keep his wings from flapping too much, cause he's excited

Once he can get his wings calmed down, he's surprisingly a fast learner.

He's perfected these moves alone

So when you see him on tv, after an easy win or on an interview, he's doing one of them

You insisted that he take a break from hero work to visit your families in America.

He actually convinced the other hero's and his sidekicks, that this was important for you guys future.

So December, you guys flew out.

(My dads family lives in Mississippi and my moms family lives in Minnesota.)

He was in for like 3 or 4 different culture shocks

(In Mississippi)

The people stared at you both wherever you went

Keigo figured they were just staring because he was the No 2 hero from Japan

Then someone made a remark about you.

Feathers be damned, HANDS were about to be thrown.

You had to calm him down, before the police where called

You guys finally make it to your grandparents home

Your family was very welcoming and warm to him

The first day was... docile.

Your family was eager for him to talk about himself

They wanted to know about the berdman that stole your heart

From his poor childhood to his burnt face, Keigo was happy to talk about everything

He even did some cool tricks with his feathers, to crack everybody up

The second day was more eventful for him

He was surprised at how much louder everyone was

Talkin shit, and making jokes at one another

Even you, his sweet little Raven, was being loud

He watched with wide eyes and a smile

He was waved over by your grandad

Your uncle, tried to roast Keigo about his face (friendly)

Your brother (or sister or whoever) instigated, "oooo he goin in!"

Keigo clapped back, about how fat your uncle was

After that, nobody was safe

Everybody caught some flames, even the dog

When dinner was done, everybody sat down to eat.

Keigo was a bit hesitant to eat.

He had heard of soul food, but never HAD soul food

You had never cooked for him, you guys usually got take out

He took a bite of fried chicken, he was hooked.

After that, he started to pile he plate, he wanted to taste everything

He cleared his plate 4 times

And even ate some dessert

Afterwards, your grandmother pulled him to the side, and reassured him that he was approved of

He came back to you, feathers all fluffed and happy

Then you guys made your way to where your mother's family lived.

Flying up there was fine, when you landed your aunt was there to pick you guys up.

Straight you your grandmother's house.

Keigo noticed how much quieter you were, but didn't say anything about it

He assumed you were just tired.

When you guys got to your grandmothers house, all of your cousins, aunts and uncles were there

Unlike your dad's family, they knew EXACTLY who Keigo was

They had been tabs on Japan. (Weebs)

The elders kept feeling on him (idk if anybody else's family does this, but the elders do this to see how much you've grown, mostly they feel up your arms)

They were careful of his wings, only asking him about them

Keigo enjoyed the attention, again

You kept mostly to yourself

Only giving your family a smile and a quick answer when the spoke to you

When Keigo was able to break away from your family, he pulled you outside

"Baby, are you ok?" He was worried

You explained to him that you felt uncomfortable and awkward around them.

You told him it was because when your dads family moved you went with them.

You never visited them after that, until you where almost an adult

Keigo nodded, he really didn't understand, but he felt bad that he was taking their attention from you

"Keigo, its fine. Your the number 2 hero, from Japan. Half of them want to go there anyway. Your more than welcome to their attention." You reassured him.

Didn't matter, he still felt bad.

So for the remainder of the trip, he stayed attached to your hip

He followed you everywhere, except the bathroom (maybe)

He took the time to make sure you weren't overwhelmed by everyone

And when the food came out, again, he was a glutton

For the most part, he just got asked lots of questions about Japan. (Culture and what not)

And what were the perks of being No 2

When you guys flew back home, Keigo made sure to pamper you

And him?

Oh. He's already planned another trip to go back

He loved it!

He never experienced Christmas like that.

(This is what my Christmas has been like the past 4 years. So enjoy the personal experience no one asked for!)

[littlebabycrybtch]

oh my god but remember when ‘pro recovery’ btiches entire schtick basically was just shaming ppl into taking showers. HOW did we let it end like that like thats the funniest most childish entitled privileged baby shit i could have ever imagined out of any activist space and yall just fell for it n took it seriously as Shit. ‘responsible allies’ but hygiene and therapy was ALL you entitled ableist bastards ever complained abt!! the least consequential one and the most expensive/inaccessible one!!! like!!!! you ppl literally didnt know what u were doing and didnt care how Actually Helpful your goals were, you were venting!! so you just kept throwing mockery at ppl for not living up to your standards and acted like u were fuckin psychiatrists, it was inexcusably selfish and ignorant behavior tbh and ill stand by that forever. ‘tough love’ mentality and tumblr phds have done 1000x more damage than good for us.

like bro i cannot Believe i had to witness mentally ill and sick/disabled ppl who were lucky to get food in that day or pay their bills, trying to explain that being told en masse how disgusting their behavior is (yknow, specifically the behaviors that happen to be the most visible and uncharming to others, while yall remained all but ignoring other behaviors you could have actually helped with) isnt beneficial for their recovery, and getting exploited in the ableist internet cringe clout corners if they tried to say showers arent rly a matter of survival compared to the realer shit they really could be doing to self help, makes it even harder. like they tried over and over again to make it click that sometimes they fall behind literally OUT OF an immense effort towards self help and that should be recognized instead of ppl hyperfocusing on a restricted idea of whatever pretty little pattern ALL recover is supposed to follow.... but no smfhhhh ppl just plugged their ears while the ppl this movement was Designed to Help were trying to out the flaws and show exactly whats wrong with its focus, which was failing to a point that it goes against what it claims to be. there was this tunnel vision obsession with reaching the ‘end of recovery’ like thats a real thing in every situation, and p much all symptoms were demonized as if recovery doesnt START AT SICK... and then faketivists trying to validate their judgments in ways that very blatantly arent in the best interest of others bc they wont even Listen to them just responded like ‘but its not my fault if im uncofmortable on a bus around some1 smelly :/// itd be good for you (and me) to fix that first! ik whats best for u ok ur wittle brain is too broken to have an opinion on this, ngl its kinda cringe lol i can smell ur post from here ew get it together weirdo. but get better soon uwu’ and neurotypicals/abled ppl listened to your ass!!! they let you convince them that matters most and now they cringe on us more than ever so thanksx you fuckkin modern heroes but uhm anyways people drop the r word constantly now where you are whiny brats these days LMFAO,,,,, idk man maybe just try thinking of saying ableist slurs and disrespecting nd/disabled ppl as like, having a stinky ugly un deodorized personality 😲omggg so embarassing ew cringe we should all mob together to do smth abt that immediately gross gross ewww

[macklives]

session 63 end

okayyy. neat-fucking-o. thats done and boy OH FUCKING BOY i have a lot to say. and this is going to get mildly serious. sorry. theres a lot to uncover this session which basically is just one huge overall plot point. the whole timeline shindig. the thing that has messed me up for a few hours ngl.

man.... this is gonna be a long one. im not even exaggerating. (still, a tldr at the end)

so, the main thing besides from the time shindig plot, which is both important and essential and precious: DAVESPRITE <3 

k cool. ill expand on that throughout this whole note, but would rather like to make a whole analogy first before i do so.

so, to start off from last session, dave went back in time to fix jade and john’s death.

but i guess, from what ive read, GC never realized what she did was bad. she basically screwed everyone over and dave had to go back to fix things, which yes, does sound bad. but honestly? i dont think she really realized how bad it was until davesprite had the talk with her. and now they are both friends i take it, shocking development. but thats between davesprite, rather than dave himself so there may be two different views on how he sees GC. anyways, it was pretty bad. i wont just forget that. i love her character but she killed off two characters (who thankfully are now alive), making dave a sprite and future rose to just not exist anymore. or... well.... she does, but she seemed to have fused with PRESENT rose. which i guess we’ll figure out how that works the next time we see her. which will probably be on derse. 

but, tbh, GC wanted to apologize and felt bad about the whole situation. so im giving her the benefit of the doubt here.

now.. man...

can i take a second to analyze davesprite? and a little bit about the concept of john/dave’s friendship (just a tad)? ie the two greatest things in the world? thanks.

i think the thing that hit me the hardest was how davesprite (im calling him that to distinguish which dave im talking about but keep in mind i should be calling them both dave. but this makes it easier to write up.) well, davesprite explained how he’d continue to reset the timeline until john and jade are alive. which basically means he would use himself as a sacrifice to allow their survival. which ALSO means he cares more for them than he does himself. he’d throw his life away for them. he knew there was a possibility of him ceasing to exist if they reset the timeline again. he literally said it in such a nonchalant way that it makes me wonder how much his friends really mean to him. which in retrospect, is a lot. now pls keep this in mind for the next part.

now, dave also has so much appreciation towards himself. but not in the cocky way, of course. rather in the way that shows self love?? kinda?? like he genuinely wanted to hang with davesprite, brainstorm his comic and vice versa bc they both think their alt version is that cool. i know it should sound kinda narcissistic, but listen. a lot of people dont often appreciate themselves for who they are. and what i really want to emphasize on that here, is that this comes back to the whole putting himself before others thing. because that specific line i mentioned before is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. since dave thinks so highly of himself as a cool guy, rad dude, arent we so awesome type kid that he LITERALLY didnt care for his life in that one hot second. he made sure he was a pawn used to help out his friends rather than an actual human being who should worry about his life as well. he didnt care if he survived or not in the process of making sure everything was going alright. which is such a fucking leap from this whole self-respecting thing. its as if that didnt matter anymore. and that takes a fucking beating. that shows how much dave truly loves his friends. do you know how fucking BIG THAT WHOLE DEAL IS?

take john for example. dave didnt give two shits who the person on the other line was. he found out GC was the troll who killed john and basically threatened her with every inch of his life to make her back away from him. he knew what it would cause and said “fuck you” in bright and bold. all because he didnt want to see his friend die again. which? fair enough. and if we look back at the last session, god that could mess someone up. especially someone as young as 13. rose even got the worst end of the stick bc she flat out ceased to exist. but then again, thats in the same boat as jade/john. bc they all technically died. yet davesprite didnt. he remembers it. davesprite isnt just going to forget. he’s going to have surviver’s guilt for a long time, because being dave’s guide will forever be a reminder that he’s the version in the doomed timeline. he’s the only one who knows what happened, and he wont become the “true dave” in a sense that he’s now just considered “davesprite” and nothing more, since he cant just be dave since his timeline ended up fucked. not to mention he technically said he was fine with it, bc since it meant the others survived, he wouldnt care what happened to his life. even tho he should and it still probably hurts him idk. and that kills me a little. actually, more than a little. this is personally the most gut wrenching scene in homestuck (but i may just be speculating too much). but that wont stop him from helping dave and giving him all the answer, and also protecting john with everything he has.

and, man, i feel as if he’s gonna be such a good guide for dave. he already gave him the loot, the rundown and is very open about questions dave already has because he knows how tough it probably is to have a shitty guide. considering he was stuck with calsprite for 4 months. so obviously he’s going to help as much as possible. since he probably had little to none and didnt learn as much as he should have through the course of sburb. but now, as a guide, he can easily access all the info he lost during the pathway of his timeline. and share it with dave so he doesn’t struggle and actually completes the game rather than end up in a doomed timeline like himself.

but yes. dave’s blatant adoration for john basically saved them both in a way. and it seems as if its a little mutual considering john told dave he’d always believe him no matter what in the end. how he reconsidered everything, remembered the note and realized how good their friendship is to just give it up like that. and then vice versa. dave couldnt continue on the game without him or jade, so he went back in time. and showed his pissed-off protective side in order to save john again. which warms my heart bc they both mean so much to each other. and both got each other super sentimental gifts and wrote each other such touching cards.

and thats a good way to end the session, i think.

so there we have it. ive never wanted to hug a character so bad than i do with davesprite. i just hope everyone at least acknowledges him in some way, and gives him some amount of respect for what he did for everybody. ive only met him for like 10 pages, but i think he’s the most emotional character so far. and i guess since he’s dave himself, and i feel for dave based on his situation with bro, its safe to say i would protect him with my life. which i dont want to be *that* person but hey, its true. its just that he’s been through so much bullshit, and davesprite is the only survivor of his timeline, always will be reminded of it whenever he sees dave/john/rose/jade playing the game, is now a fucking sprite who wont be able to live his own path but just be a guide and god, i feel for him. i really do.

i shouldnt have written such a long note about davesprite.. but his whole story as to how he became a thing really got to me, alright?

i should write a tldr, cool. here yall go; i actually love davesprite, he’s been through some shit and he deserves hells of respect. GC is forgiven and we’ll find out next time how both version of rose.. fused together? 

[shattered-catalyst]

So this  isnt for anything other than just to say what happened just so I feel heard and I can explain why I cant be as energetic and socially active on here. Its not a callout post or to be reblogged/shared by people. Its not to get anyone in trouble or to cause any reaction. It’s just for me to let it out and reclaim this space again. Its been a year since it happened and I guess I’m just still noticing how badly it has impacted my PTSD. How much its changed me as a person both online and off, and this isnt a woe as me thing either this is just me feeling a need to be heard and explain my own behavior over the year and also to make one simple request of you guys: no matter what you do, always treat your rp partners as people first and writers second.

Because I feel myself becoming bitter and that isnt who I am and I dont want to be someone like that. Or like this. I want to be me again

The person who did this wont be named mainly because they dont deserve it and yall dont need to know. Their behavior when I confronted them more than cements the impression that they dont see any harm in what they said and how they reacted. And again this isnt about them though In A Way I suppose it is? it takes two to tango but it takes one to encourage someone to kill themselves.

This is going to be long because I need to inform on the activity that lead up to this  because it didnt just happen over night- though in a way it did. But you need a better picture of this person because apparently they present a really great face that only a few of us see the manipulative and toxic side of.

This person was always very judgemental and hyper critical. I witnessed a lot of very negative and toxic behavior from them but I was naive and just hoped they would mature as they grew older and gained more independence. I thought it was just a toxic friend group and that perhaps she would recognize her self destructive and immature behavior and grow from it. 

My first red flag should have been when they accused me of being their ex girlfriend SOLELY because I was living in PA. I hate to break it to yall, but PA is a big ass state and has a lot of comic book loving ladies. Thankfully I have never met this person IRL and I hope I never do.

They tried to pull me into making fun of other muns on discord, including mocking sensitive pictures from a mun’s personal blog. I blatantly said it wasnt okay and made me uncomfortable and she continued laughing and making jokes about it with her friend group on discord. She kept trying to pull me into it no matter how often I tried to change the subject.

Her group of friends also did this thing where one of them would go interact with a mun an they would take screenshots of the convo and share it with the group and mock the mun they were interacting with. Whether it be their presentation of character/grahics/writing style/ etc.

The other red flags I ignored? How much she complained and mocked other muns and compared them to me; if anyone did anything or said anything she disagreed with it was an instant blow up. She took EVERYTHING personally including other people writing the same characters she did, having differing headcanons, not knowng obscure details about canon, etc.

She once tried to make fun of a new writing partner I had who was writing the same character, and I had to break it to her that this new person could write in her first language if she wanted to; im being very vague but let me just say if you and your character have the same first language and you want to write in it then its completely WRONG for a white mun to try and make fun of you for it.

She once suggested I had stolen pictures off her pinterest when she sent me a moodboard request for my character. Jokes on her I didnt even know she HAD a pinterest and I had gotten all my pictures from the ‘green aesthetic’ tag on tumblr. Which I told her but she kept pushing the idea on me I had stolen them. I of course dismissed this and put it on the back burner despite the alarm bells going off.

This hyper critical and paranoid behavior continues with everything from other canon blogs making similar head canons/ vaguely similar graphics/ to fanfiction authors having similar head canons/plot ideas.

My penname Citrus? I didnt want one. I didnt want it. She demanded I have a pen name and if not she was going to call me Cat. Now as yall know I dont like being enmeshed with my muse so I keep myself separate from them. I didnt like being called Cat and I told her that explicitly. She kept doing it. So I had to make a pen name because she refused to respect my boundaries.

When the Deadpool movie came out she DEMANDED I change my FC to reflect the movie Despite Not Changing Hers to reflect her own characters new look - which might i add is fat erasure. It was clear then that the rules and standards she held other people to didnt apply to herself. I was labeled problematic for not giving into her demands to change FCs (which I have a literal logical reason for not changing and im not explaining that here)

So I shouldve left. Long story short I didnt because every friendship I’d been in until around this time had been abusive and toxic. I thought this was all normal behavior for people to have and I was convinced I was just being critical of someone elses opinions/ insensitive etc. Thanks to my colleagues in graduate school and to several of you on here I learned that ‘hey dumbass friends dont treat your ass like this’.

Im leaving a lot out about the shit she did/said to me but those snippets give you an idea of things.

Leading up she decided to leave fandom and asked we didnt talk about marvel I said cool okay and didnt talk about marvel with her. If I did I would ask first if she was okay if we talked about one small aspect I thought might excite her/ she would like to know about but it wasnt often that happened because she began ghosting me. Hard. She stopped replying to me at all over discord when I would try and talk to her how we used to about our lives. She didnt answer any asks for munday or character development, in fact she blatantly ignored me.

I checked in a couple times with her to make sure I hadnt done anything to make her uncomfortable and she said no. May I emphasize she said no here. Im emphasizing it right now. She said no. She said everything was fine. So when I was like hey dude this is super triggering for me can you send me like a hi every once in awhile just so I can know we’re okay because its super triggering for me. Yall know what she did? She ‘lmao’-ed. she thought that was hecka funny. Yeah triggering ‘Citrus’ is hilarious isnt it? No it isnt and I shouldve cut her ass off right then and there.

Heres where shit gets confusing: she kept fucking talking about marvel to me. Id get messages at random times about marvel and then silence for weeks. I vividly remember during this period I was cleaning the museum vault and she kept messaging me about her marvel fc’s and how she wouldnt get a plotline and how characters were wrong etc.

I remember being REALLY confused because she had said NO MARVEL. But here she was bitching at me about marvel. In fact thats all she did when she did talk to me. Which was only like three or four times during the ghosting time period. She’d bitch about marvel and then vanish.

Shed make claims about not watching her dash and thats why she never responded to me/ interacted with me. She’d say she wasnt talkng to anyone while I see her on the dash TALKING TO PEOPLE and Id like to point out Ive told her I would be fine ending anything as long as she let me know.

but she followed me on every blog and throughout this time period she made and followed me on numerous ones. She kept reaching out sporadically to bitch about her fcs/how horrible marvel was/ and thats it. 

It was extremely confusing because if someone doesnt want to talk to me I assume they will; 1. unfollow 2. block 3. say goodbye 4. ghost and stay ghosted.

Not cycle through behavior rapidly. I asked her a few times if we were good and that I was confused and I got another ‘lmao’ reaction so I assumed we were good. At this point I still have no idea what was going on/ what message I was supposed to be receiving other than confusion.

So following this is heavily suicide tw and I encourage you not to read this part and to scroll down until the suicide tw is over which is highlighted in bold- if you’re triggered by that because I care about those who follow my blog.

So thats when this shit happened. I had tried reaching out to her on a different fandom platform to try and maintain the friendship. Because she said numerous times that we were friends. So like I reached out thinking maybe she just didnt want a marvel blog period.  It wasnt too long after that that she suicide baited me.

I was in a really bad place and had been for awhile and when I posted about how the only thing holding me on was the new comic coming out and specifically said “im seriously suicidal and this comic is the only thing giving me hope #idk what to do anymore ”. I was surprised when she liked the post.

I was three steps into a four step plan. I had everything but the method planned out and was just waffling along with that. Because yknow its complicated and you do it you make it count amiright. Right. I was in a fucked up place. I had just realized I was gay, I was horrendously depressed, I was in considerable physical pain, I was working 70 hours a week, my OCD was at an all time high and the only thing that kept me on this earth was a fucking comic book. You hold onto what you need to yknow?

WELL APPARENTLY NOT

Because this person who doesnt read her dash? This person who doesnt want to talk about anything? Liked that post where I specifically stated I was suicidal and sent me a discord message saying “dont have hope”.

Thats all it said “dont have hope”

Now I know what youre thinking but hold on because it gets worse.

I said something about being confused I dont really remember because I was pretty out of it. I do remember she kept going on about how horrible the comic would be and that it would be a piece of trash. I remember telling her I was really numb and in a bad place and couldnt feel anything. I remember her sending me screencaps and continuing to go ON AND ON about how it wasn’t worth reading.

I remember with gross intensity how someone who said they were my friend was taking away the only thing that was keeping me alive.

I dont remember how the conversation ends. I called out of work for the next three days. I was catatonically depressed and unable to really move. I didnt eat either. I went to internship, work, and school in a state of dissociation.

 I took screencaps of everything and set them aside for later. IDK what I was going to use them for but I set them in a folder on my desktop, looking back I regret what I did next; because I deleted them. I deleted them because I thought maybe she had been manic or drunk and hadn’t realized the scope of what was happening. I wanted to talk to her about it and clear things up because I believed in her. I believed there was no way she would be so callous as to do that on purpose. No way would someone try and get someone they called a friend to kill themselves. So I deleted the screencaps and my post on tumblr. I deleted all evidence to protect her and I encourage you all never to fucking do that even if you think that person misunderstood the gravity of your situation. Because if you’re wrong no ones going to believe you.

I remember shifting between intense depression and total denial.

I spent the rest of that month in and out of intense dissociative states when I wasnt in class or working with my clients.  During the middle of October my sister sent me pictures of a litter of puppies and I was like ‘well, i really need to either kill myself or make sure i dont’. I spent a few days continuing to waffle with that decision but then i remembered my mom cosigned my loans and I cant leave her with that debt because fuck we cant even afford my funeral to begin with. So I adopted a dog, I named him Julio to remind me to keep living and he finally came to me on halloween.

He was the only reason I left bed on my days off. I tried not to think about it but I did.  

I continued to spiral with heavier dissociative episodes and vivid nightmares about it.

SUICIDE TW OVER

I waited until Christmas to ask her to clarify the situation and let her know I no longer felt comfortable writing with her. I reminded her what happened and told her to check her discord if she wanted to see for herself etc.

She sent two long asks of combative, emotionally abusive, and gaslighting accusations. The first thing she did was say I needed to provide evidence if I went around making accusations like that. Then she cascaded into how I always talked about marvel *points up to where i explained what happened earlier*.  She tried gaslighting me like a champion and tried turning me into a horrible person the only problem is everything she was accusing me of doing was the shit she was doing to me. Everything. 

Even if I was bad at any time I had given her numerous chances to tell me I was overstepping a boundary- she always said no. I gave her numerous times to unfollow me if she wasnt interested in interacting with me- she never did. In fact I had unfollowed her that month because of her behavior towards me and she hadnt even noticed.

I let her know I could tell she was angry,  and that I didnt take receipts of private conversations because I believed in settling things like adults, and that if she ever wanted any proof it was all in her discord anyway. I let her know she could contact me to apologize but otherwise I didnt want her on any of my blogs and I told her the first thing she should have done wasnt demand receipts but she should have asked if I was okay. Its a real reflection of where her priorities were when she demands evidence rather than checks to see if a writing partner is okay.

Even if I did something horrible it doesnt warrant someone trying to get me to end my life. 

I was notified she put a post on her blog apologizing to her followers for being a bad friend and that she was a horrible person and ofc everyone was like ‘noooo youre perfect’ and its like ya thats not for me who hasnt followed her in months- thats to save face.

Her friends blogs kept visiting my profile and going through the month where this happened.

Everything she did and said was to save face. Her blog and her reputation are the only thing she cared about. She has never approached me to apologize or anything of the sort and I doubt she ever will. I would hope she would never do this again and I hope she has grown as a person since. That her life is better and her mother is okay, that shes happy and learning. 

 I know by posting this I will never receive an apology- then again i never expected one to begin with. I could go through all the trouble of restoring the deleted files but to be honest it isnt worth it because theres no room in my life for that type of toxicity.

Since this happened I:

I have stronger episodes of depression and dissociation since.

My PTSD has increased and I have week long spikes in anxiety attacks, depression and decreased self worth if I even see her around the rpc despite being blocked, blacklisted on xkit etc.

Have more difficulty completing basic self care tasks due to an increase in depression and a decrease in self worth.

I have nightmares about this event and her to this day a year later.

I cannot interact with the RPC how I once did as I fear seeing her on my dash or any sort of information getting back to her about me.

It took me half a year to see the character she wrote as as safe again and for awhile I couldnt even look at him without experiencing an anxiety attack.

I keep having nightmares. Its been a year and I still have nightmares about this.

I find myself having more difficulties connecting with people online especially on this blog. I’m constantly on edge when interacting with people and I feel spikes of anxiety at the merest thought of someone talking about me to her.

I find myself unable to have confidence as a writer or creator online because I have been reminder of the cement wall between oc characters and their canon counterparts.

I cannot go out and just follow anyone and be friendly and trusting with them anymore, even with people I already know. In the back of my mind is a constant reminder of how she and her friends used to check up on people and pretend to write with them/ interact with them just to take screenshots of conversations to share with the group. I have become a paranoid little bitch in the past year is what Im saying. like theres 0 need for that shit.

I blocked most of the people she interacted with simply to save myself from being triggered by her blogs/ mentions of her and that isnt fair to those people.

I remember the photo incident and how people derived such joy from mocking someones body. I can think of so many incidents of them making fun of others and I remember how that could be happening about me rn, and I wonder if anyone would stick up for me like I did for the other mun.

 I hope by posting this I can try and return to the person I was before this happened. I can try and not be so bitter and reach out again to others. That somehow I can continue working on making tumblr a safe place for me again and not a PTSD laced minefield.

I would like to remind this isnt a callout and I request if you know who this is about you dont say anything to them. This isnt for them. They have NEVER reached out to apologize for their actions. They have NEVER checked to see if I was okay after that. They have NEVER shown any remorse for encouraging me to kill myself and while I hope they’ve grown from the situation and will never do it again I doubt I will ever get closure from such an event. But i DO hope by writing this I can take this place back.

Consider this my first step towards bringing this up to a therapist.

 Consider this another step to me taking this blog back and feeling safer here; and maybe just maybe Ill make up a cool pen name for myself and own that shit.

If you’ve read this far thank you for your patience with me, and I request you always treat your writing partners like the people that they are. 

This post is not intended or written to leave this blog and therefore I request you not reblog it or share segments of it with ANYONE. If I find you have shared anything on here without my explicit permission I will block you.

‘Citrus’