#idk i dont know how to draw i am trying so hard

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

more of them. they hold each other

[luck-of-the-drawings]

when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING

[ozymoron]

reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

[limielle]

idk i feel like so much discourse could be easily minimized if people learned to say "i think" instead of "it is"

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[piplupod]

i feel a feeling that is genuinely intolerable and go "okay what do i do with this"

therapist brain says "feel ur feelings, its unhealthy to suppress all the time." rational brain says, "hi if we sit with this emotion then we are going to either be bleeding or dead in approximately ten minutes. so whats another option." therapist brain goes "wellll i guess in that case maybe u can distract urself idk, that can be a coping strategy sometimes." rational brain glances at emotion, shakes its head and shoots back "yeahhhh no can do there bud. this one's a real whopper and distractions ain't gonna cut it this time."

both sections of the brain shrug at each other and then The Disorder brain raises its hand smugly and simpers out "hiiii remember me? yeah this is the reason i exist teehee :) give me five minutes and I'll have an amnesia wall erected and another part of the brain shoved into the forefront and then we'll be right as rain! and this emotion can go rot in the locked cabinet of horrors until another part accidentally stumbles upon it again in the future or until the lock breaks. :)"

[risingsunresistance]

[hecksupremechips]

Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺

[bbyquokka]

fizzy pop

– yn has a habit of bottling up their emotions, chan comforts them & explains the importance of communicating about feelings/emotions.

pairing | bang chan x gender neutral reader

genre | angst w comfort – 18+ is strongly advised!

cw | established relationship, mental health (low moods, low/no motivation, lose of interest in hobbies/things), pet names.

words | 2k ~ ( 2,042 )

notes | idk why but i've been putting off on posting this for months, maybe bc im nervous 🤔 don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. i hope you all enjoy! ‹3

m.list — wips list — you can also read it on my ao3

dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

it's just another day. another day of just being there. another day of feeling like you have no purpose in life except to please others. another day of wondering “what is the purpose of me being here?” you fake smiles, say you're "ok" because saying how you actually feel is exhausting.

aside from it feeling exhausting, you also don't want to draw attention to yourself and when you do speak, you feel stupid for doing so, so you keep it all in, bottle it up until it's too much for you to handle. some days you wonder why you even bother to get out off bed.

is it because of the birds you hear outside? the sun's heat that you want to feel on your skin? could it be the laughter and chitter chatter of others? or maybe you want to hear the rain on the leaves–who knows. all you know is that everyday is the same and it's tiring.

the days merge into one. what day is it even? monday? tuesday? oh wait, it's saturday morning. time doesn't exist anymore. in your mind you see no point in getting up out of bed because again, what's the point? 

so why is it that your boyfriend is gently shaking you, asking, no, begging you to get up.

“darlin'. please get up.” chan whispers as he gently shakes you by the shoulders. you sigh deeply, a tired sigh that causes chan to swallow and his suspicions to come to light.

you pull the duvet over your head, body curled in a small and fragile ball. the curtains are still drawn providing darkness despite the morning rays that wish to peak inside. 

chan has been up since the crack of dawn. he has showered, made breakfast and managed to get dressed. he gave you some extra time to sleep in because he knows you're not a morning person but when the number nine on his watch turned to twelve and you're still not up and out, does he grow concerned.

he's had his suspicions for a while. he's noticed how defeated you sound. how there is little to no energy in the words you speak. he's tried everything to cheer you up, thinking, hoping you were just having an off day. but that off day turned into an off week which slowly, but surely, turned into an off month.

you lost your passion for being creative, lost the will to make anything which you despise. being creative is one of the many pleasures you have in life, to be able to make something and share your creations with others is exhilarating but when you feel like this, your mood turns bitter and cold towards everything you do which results in you resenting everything you create.

you lost the energy to speak to people. to pick up the phone and just talk. you're not deliberately ignoring nor trying to be difficult but keeping conversations flowing is just too hard right now and when you think they're giving you the same energy back do you feel so guilty. 

what have i done to deserve this? why am i forced to feel like this. you find yourself questioning everything late at night. your head loud as soon as it hits the pillow and no amount of music you blast down your ears can silence those thoughts.

everything is so exhausting. everything is the same. you just want to disappear whether that be for a few days or forever, you're not quite sure, but certain people around you wont allow that to happen. they are keeping you afloat, head above water. you desperately and silently wish they never let you go, no matter how hard you fight and push them away.

“baby, please.” chan's words dripped with desperation. his knees on the bed behind you as he kneels causing the mattress to dip. his hands on your shoulders gently as his eyes bore into the duvet, burning holes into it until he is burning holes into you. tears threaten to spill down his soft cheeks as he becomes increasingly worried for you.

“chan..“ you whisper, your words shaking. “please.. leave me alone.” 

he swallows. those three last words he hates to hear. now he is left in a difficult position. should he do as you say and leave you? leave you to fester and rot in your own thoughts and feelings. watch you melt into the mattress and become nothing but a lifeless shell. or should he force himself, force you to acknowledge him. show you, tell you that's it's going to be ok–even if you don't believe him in the beginning.

but this is chan and you know more than anyone how stubborn chan can be.

“lets go take a shower yn, together! and maybe we can go out and get lunch at that café you love so much?”

silence. 

“or how about we go to that art shop! pick up those water colours you've been eyeing up for months?”

silence.

“ok well, what about some new cloth–”

“chan please!” you snap, causing him to jump. “what part of leave me alone don't you understand?!”

you don't mean to sound harsh and you hope chan doesn't take it to heart. the last thing you want is to hurt the one person you adore so much. luckily, chan knows you don't mean it but it doesn't hurt him any less.

“all of it.” he softly speaks. you feel the weight being lifted up off the mattress and footsteps against the wood flooring before the bedroom door squeaks open at the hinges.

your heart breaks. hot angry tears finally being set free and rolling down the bridge of your nose and cheeks, soaking into the material of your pillow. you sob, curling up into a ball even more as your heart aches in your chest. you grip onto the pillow as you silently cry out for chan, thinking he has completely left you alone.

but you did ask for it so why do you feel so guilty?

the duvet gets pulled back from you, the cold air hitting your hot and sweaty skin. the mattress dips once again as an arm snakes over your midriff. chest being pressed against your back as chan spoons you.

“don't cry, darlin'. i'm here, your channie is here.” his soft words provide you with a sense of comfort and an indescribable feeling of warmth as well as relief. his hand strokes your soft stomach, his lips kissing your neck so tenderly you worry that he isn't really there. 

“c-chan…” you sob through your words as a way of confirmation. you can't breathe, the pain of everything that's built up over the past months is making it impossible for you to breathe. your mind fogs over as your chest heaves up and down.

you struggle to take breaths as tears stream down your face. your pillow becomes soaked with your tears. chan strokes your unwashed hair gently, hushing you and singing softly to help ground you.

“sh sh sh. you're ok, you're safe.” he whispers.

“sorry! i'm sorry!” you repeat over and over again in your fits of tears. chan continues to hush you, noticing that it's not working so he gently rolls you over to face him and pulls you into his naked chest. 

the warmth and softness of his skin calms you down in an instant. his natural scent hugs your nostrils and sinks into your heart, soothing your heartbeat as well as your mind. you grip onto him, desperately trying to cling onto something before resulting in wrapping your arms around him tightly. 

he gives you a bear hug. arms around your shoulders gently, fingers raking and massaging your scalp. his chest wet with tears as he continues to hush you through your episode.

there isn't much he can do when you're crying like this except wait. wait for it to pass–and it does, fifteen minutes later.

“better?” he gently asks. you peer up at him to notice that his own cheeks are wet with a few tears slowly falling.

“you're crying..” you whisper as you reach up and wipe the tears away. chan laughs softly before leaning into your touch. “why?”

“because it pains me to see you like this, my love.” that guilt comes back, settling in your stomach and wrapping itself around your heart, like black fog. you look down, tears falling from your lower lash line.

“sorry..” you mumble.

“hey.” chan unwraps his arms from you to gently lift up your head. “it hurts because i can't do anything about it. it hurts because i love you! seeing you in so much pain is rough darling. and it's not physical pain either, it's not like i can put a band aid on your wound.”

“i'm sorry i'm like this, chan. sorry i'm so difficult and such a disappointment.”

“oi.” his tone of voice turns stern which causes you to look up at him. his brows furrowed together as he reaches and strokes your cheek. “you're not a disappointment or difficult baby. it's ok to feel like this, to have off days and feel like nothing is right, however, you have to come to me when you feel like this! or if you can't come to me, talk to a friend.”

“but i hate talking about my feelings, chan.. i feel like a burden and that it just bores people and when i do confined in people, it feels like i don't get the comfort i expect to get so i'm left thinking if it's worth it and if i just expect too much from people.”

“what have i told you about bottling things up, mhm?”

“that it's just going to keep building and building until i explode.” you mumble to which chan hums and nods too

“imagine you're a bottle of fizzy pop. your body is the bottle, your feelings are the fizzy liquid. what happens when you shake a bottle of fizzy pop?”

“it bubbles and explodes, creating a huge mess.”

“and what happens when you bottle your feelings up?”

“i get shaken up by the smallest of things, which causes me to bubble and explode..”

“mhm. you have to remember, my darling, that how you feel is valid. your feelings are valid. you might seem like it's something so small or stupid, but that something small could build and build and build.”

“so i should come to you whenever i feel negative?”

“yes.”

“even if i'm frustrated at a piece of work? even if i can't get a recipe right and it annoys me?”

“yes.”

“but that is so small and not as important..”

“yn, if it's bothering you then it's big. if it's bothering you, it's important to me. if you feel angry, upset, energy less, i beg that you come to me or to a friend! it's important that we voice these things, let it be known because you'll feel better.” he tucks your hair behind your ear gently before you nuzzle into his chest, thinking about what he's saying.

he is correct. he always is and that's the thing that sometimes bothers you, but in a good way! it just means that you can't hide anything from chan, whether it's good or bad and when you are feeling down, chan is always there to pick you back up and dust you off, providing you with love and comfort.

“shall we go shower together to start the day?”

“isnt it a bit late for that? besides, hasn't your day already started?” you mumble against his chest.

“it's never too late to start the day and besides, i don't mind ‘restarting’ my day if it means i get to do it with you.” he kisses the top of your head gently, stroking your back as you tangle your legs with his.

“soon.”

“soon?” he questions.

“i just want to spend some more minutes with you..”

“we can spend as many minutes together as you like, my darling. as long as you're happy and content.”

“i'm always happy and content with you, chan. you're my safe space.”

“and i hope i continue to be and provide you with that safe space, yn.”

[beannary]

OK so I dont really like this but this 2012 tmnt mermaid au has been driving me INSANE so here are some mermaid designs for the boys (which I might change if I draw more stuff for this au) and some lore for the au under the cut!

also Donnie is ftm and Leo is mtf and those are the facts! (Donnie did do top surgery on himself, do NOT ask me how he did that underwater safely)

(just a quick note: I am using some japanese mythos for the mermaid part but I'm also being loosey goosey with it alskjdfh)

ALSO slight tw for cannibalism? or like cannibalism adjacent behavior

There is a yokai described in Japanese literature called the ningyo, a creature that is half human and half fish. Legend says that if you capture a ningyo and eat its flesh, that you will be granted eternal life. Hamato Yoshi and Oroku Saki were familiar with these legends, though Saki always believed in them more than Yoshi. Saki believed in the legends so much that he became obsessed with finding the legendary ningyo and becoming immortal after consuming its flesh. Yoshi accompanied his brother on these ventures, more out of a sense of familiar duty and a need to watch out for his younger brother than an actual belief in the ningyo.

And of course, it just so happens that the brother who does not at all believe in the existence of yokai would be the one to find one. Yoshi encounters Tang Shen, a ningyo who has been living throughout the local freshwater river system. And suddenly Yoshi realizes that Saki's quest for murder might actually come true since apparently these ningyo are very much real. So now whenever he accompanies Saki on his hunting quests, he does everything in his ability to try to dissuade Saki from his plan, and when he realizes that isn't going to work, he starts to sabotage Saki's efforts. And Yoshi does this because well he kept in contact with Tang Shen, and the two became close friends, and son fell in love, bridging the gap between yokai and human.

They can't get married, obviously, Tang Shen is fully a yokai, but they build their lives together and eventually Tang Shen falls pregnant with their daughter Miwa. The two weren't entirely sure what to expect of their child, but Miwa turns out to be a completely normal human child.

Over the years as Yoshi and Tang Shen's love and family grew, Yoshi started pulling away from his birth family, and more noticeably, from Saki, who was you know pretty angry with Yoshi who seemingly disappeared on him with no explanation. Saki channels his anger into his search for the ningyo, and it takes three years but eventually he does finally find one.

Around three years after Miwa was born, Tang Shen and Yoshi welcome in four new kids! Quadruplets! Three boys and a girl. And these four, unlike Miwa, seem to all be fully ningyo, which very much surprised Yoshi and Tang Shen (both the fact that there were four kids and those four kids are all mermaids) but hey, they knew their genetic situation would be weird and they were fully ready to hop into raising these four.

It's only a few days after the birth of their quadruplets, so soon after that they haven't even given them names, that Saki stumbles upon the home of Yoshi and Tang Shen. And He Is Pissed. Not only did his BROTHER ABANDON him but he abandon him to start a family with this yokai? The yokai that he's been hunting all this time? And Saki, like in canon, kills Tang Shen and Miwa. (Or well you know, he kidnaps Miwa and renames her Karai but Yoshi thinks Miwa is dead)

Yoshi manages to get away with the quadruplets in the chaos, and he tries so hard to establish a new life for himself in Japan, but no matter where he goes, Saki manages to find him. Eventually Yoshi gets desperate enough to flee the country, and he finds himself in New York City!

But meanwhile back in Japan, Saki did in fact end up eating Tang Shen but idk how he realizes it but he figures out that he didnt get immortality, and so he concludes that oh, Tang Shen must have been tainted somehow by her relationship with Yoshi, which sucks because now he has to find a whole other ningyo to get immortality. Luckily he happens to know of four ningyo that he would be more than happy to kill, which is basically Saki's drive to finding and killing the Hamatos.

Anyways that's all I have so far!!!! I'm trying to think about how they would live in NYC, if they can somehow become human (in maybe like an H2O just add water situation) or if they are stuck in the water all the time.

I'm leaning towards them being able to shed their fish tails if even only for a small amount of time, just so they can still be ninjas and train on land, since I think Yoshi would still want to train them to defend themselves. I think that if they can be human for a bit, they still get dried out really easily so they can't stay out of the water for very long, probably not long enough for them to go to school full time, so they still live super isolated lives. Or maybe Yoshi figures out a way to train them to fight in the water? Idk suggestions are appreciated!

They do eventually meet April and Casey, I think April is gonna be on the swim team and so she's a fairly strong swimmer (for a human) and so she spends a lot of time in the water with the hamatos which they appreciate a lot! I think maybe Yoshi isn't a super strong swimmer so as much as he tries to spend time with his kids he can't really.

Casey is still on the hockey team and he can't swim, the hamatos try to teach him but they fully dont know how to swim with legs and so they are Bad tm swimming teachers salkdjfh.

[buwheal]

[You've Got Mail!]

You can now send your favorite salesman emails!! YAY!!

Here's some rules and information about the askbox.

First and foremost;

I try to answer as many asks as I can, but I will not answer every single one. Sometimes I just cant do anything with it that will work realistically with the perimeters of the world, and I apologize!! Its nothing against you guys!!

(Unless you break the rules ofc.)

So if you dont see yours after a long while, it’s probably something that wont work, sorry! You can always send more than one ask whenever and see if that one works instead!

Besides that, here’s the rest of what you need to know!

[RULES] :

Spamton physically PRINTS OUT each "email", so dont send asks that have a physical interaction. Sorry! Thats just how i decided to set up the world/situation, and is not really anything against you guys :-)

(more of a request than a rule tbh) Preferably try to send real questions or statements. most joke asks are funny, but are surprisingly hard to create an in character response for. You can still send joke asks if you really want to, just dont always expect an answer X-P (i.e. asks that contain nonsense,, you can still be funny and make jokes, and i should probably specify that, but things that are like "you look like a worm" or smth idk i have no clue what to do with lol)

I know he may be a personification of spam emails... BUT DONT SPAM!!! I mean it! It clogs the askbox and is a real pain. You can send him more than one ask, though, as long as you arent repetitively sending a ton in a short burst!! Send as many as you'd like as long as they dont qualify as spam.

Dont be sexual or romantic, please! Even "As a joke". I dont like Spamton like that and it makes me uncomfortable, plus I can't really answer that in character in a way that wouldnt provoke more of that. Thank you!!

Be respectful and patient!! I am just one person doing everything, lol, and this got far more popular than anticipated, so i will take a long time. I try my best to get at least one out every other day but i'll need breaks eventually!!!

I cannot give/spawn/materialize things for/to Spamton if you ask because of the way it’s set up. You are really just lines of text from a computer to Spamton, BUT... You can still do a lot if you think outside the box. or,, errr,, outside the computer. More like IN the computer. Kind of. Your words and your actions affect him and his reactions to you, so word it correctly and you can get him to do something or say something. Hes not stupid though, and he CAN usually tell when your intentions are... less.. than good.

[INFORMATION] :

[YGM!] is technically an AU!!! not only do the events of the game not occur, but this is also set before then!

Asks are put out one a day, regardless if i have more than one, UNLESS i need to connect two(or more) to complete one event. Or i feel like it. a little treat.

I am one person doing every ask and every unique frame of art, so expect 1 ask (If youre lucky, two) maybe every other day Monday-Friday depending on my workload per day.

This is just for fun!! I am using the askbox to exercise my drawing consistency, Spamton's personality, and the way he speaks and responds to different situations! This is a way I am using to improve my understanding of him as a character, so it wont be always consistent as I am growing and learning!

Just a little disclaimer, he WILL be mean. He is a sour, nasty, grumpy, bastard and I am absolutely not opposed to him responding as such. Just keep that in mind when sending an ask if you dont want that!

If you want a common outcome, talk to other people about it! go crazy! I dont mind long threads on my posts if you want to create a plan. Infact, I can even help and tell you things occasionally!!

What you say to him DOES and WILL affect the way he responds. Trust is lost far easier than it is gained, so keep this in mind. It is possible to regain his trust, but still hard. He is not a trusting person to begin with and being mean certainly doesnt help. BUT.. I am not opposed to being mean. Infact, they are quite fun to do. Either way is entertaining for me, so do as you will. YOU can choose to hurt or help him.

Using tone tags, while not required, are really helpful and assist me in understanding the intention in your ask if you think it may be interpreted another way! (i.e. sarcasm) :-)!!

I pick and choose asks depending on his situation, or if i have a good idea for a response, so you may need to wait a bit before i can get to yours!! Ones that i have an idea for take priority, especially when its to progress a scene. Or, alternatively, i am saving your ask for something i have planned.

I WILL reuse frames and poses to get these out faster and for my convienence :-) especially for the frames where there is no need to change his pose! So like.. dont think too hard about it lol.

Also, i prefer if you specify if the ask is for me /or/ Spamton. I do still do normal asks, lol. If its for me, just let me know!! I can usually tell, but most asks will be interpreted as for Spamton. I appreciate ones that start with his name before said thing is asked/stated specifically!! (i.e. "Spamton, __ __ __")

I wont be consistent with the way its answered. Sometimes it's one panel, sometimes its a couple panels, or sometimes they're animated gifs!! It varies depending on what i feel, so if youre lucky you can get a gif, lol. Those take longer usually though. Ive mostly switched to a gif format rather than multiple panels in a comic style, because its much easier to view! The animation quality can vary :-)

Thats about it!! Have fun!! ^_^

[entroart]

Hi there, just a few things

Hi, I'm an artist, and I'm plural too :3. Or at least, I think I am? It's complicated. There's a lot of denial all the time.

You don't have to say anything that you don't want to of course, and answer in as much or as little detail as you'd like to.

So my questions are like.

1) How has being plural affected your art journey?

Im asking this because I have really bad executive dysfunction, and find it extremely hard to actually do what I want to do, meaning not much art practise, but I know that my other alters don't have it as badly.

2) How is your system communication? How did you make it better if its good.

Our communication is very.... poor. There's 3 definite alters, including me, and maybe a couple more, but I never hear about them so idk. Either way, even between just the three of us, I almost never hear anything from the other two. Apparently they have better communication between each other, but idk how true that is cus I can't really ask them.

3) Can you visualise things? I have aphantasia, and it makes me need a lot more references for when I am occasionally able to bring myself to draw. I'm interested to know how it works without that inhibition.

Thank you very much for reading, I love your art and wish all of you the best. <3

Question Barrage!! 1. Well to be fair is mostly everyone doing their thing. Bridget is trying to learn how to art to help me so thats nice (lemme show her progress)

Other alters also draw, for example Abyss that tends to do fruits

Or one of our littles Chain that did art yesterday

So each alter different art and stuff, I think thats how I can answer that question. 2. Our communication is alright, we can talk to each other easily and dont need to write for that, so in that regards fine 3. Yes, we can see a 3D image and rotate it (shit is frustrating cuz then not being able to properly draw makes me feel horrible)

[shreddeddescent]

ok ok one last insanity check for everyone ok this is a lil different. like lemme just say im clearly someone who likes to go to the dark zone but also try and claw my way back out. i do sappy funny shit most of the time. and the writing of this thing has gotten long and insane, timelines have jumped as i try and parse events. as in i started w a scenario where raph nearly got sold out to his father and is rescued by his brothers immediately. we go to a place where he wasnt and is rescued later. theres been inbetweens where hes rescued but bad things happen despite that. all of this has led me to like his inner turmoils (diagnosis) and the other characters inner turmoils more. how they feel about each other how theyve coped. its good to jump around so im glad i havent said too much as if its all set in stone. im glad im not trying to write a fanfiction to SHARE if that makes sense.

my current shit that has gotten the longest was from the worst case scenario of his lack of rescue and i feel like... i dont need to say what that was? but i think i should point out that descent has a second meaning. its not just the spiralling downward, its also the root word of descendant. that was my feeling about the poetry of it.

so ill say i do feel like im in the danger zone of being fucking murdered for this but i wanna say it anyway cuz i think itll be ok. i think you guys will get it cuz ur being nice. im exploring shit and having fun. it gets raw, it gets hard, but its working out.

so i started writing this au as "ok so heres a scene where raph is just hanging out w casey, hes trying to tell her to control her anger, and theyre fighting a bit. and he fucking flashes back and realized hes a csa victim. let the story unravel from there"

and im currently in the. insane writing area of "what if ur presumed aborted kids come back from the future/pocket dimension to take care of u cuz theyre like 30 and have coped w what they are and know you have no adults around who give a shit. and theyre amazing and kind and want to help you."

shits.......... gone off the rails. idk what else to say. i am having fun exploring insanity and seeing if i can reign it in. if i didnt do that i wouldnt have come up w half the shit i have. so like. uh. idk if youll see anything of said thing okay. its weird i know it is. but honestly i feel like the insanity and seeing how real i can make it feel, how i can parse feelings over it is working well. maybe this all sounds spoilery or weird. i was really thinking "ill just draw out things chronologically" but im struggling with that for some reason. but this au is on my mind uh 24/7 and its good to just be like "ok, heres where my head is at, if thats not what you wanna hear about it the unfollow button is right there"

but i also feel like ive been OVERLY POINTING OUT. that this isnt a story for kids. so please try not to judge me too harshly. its just a fucking.... how insane can i go and tell you about it thing. i guess.

[kusundei]

im frashing the fuck out i cant im loterally goojg to kms or somerhign. i dont even know WHY irs not eben like it was bad or anything it qas just so. so annoying and so . i dont know. it made me feel so bad and it just makes me keep thinking abt how im a junior. im not trying to speak shit ijto existence but over n over i keep thinkikg ahout how everyone says junior year sucks. ofc theres exceptions but goodness i did not realize how good i had it sophomore year? i had friends in beery class? they were all easy except ap sem and i was able to see ajax so much??? im trying to hard to figure sometbijg out and get my shit changed and at the very least. give me classes that i know people in. can i live not having lunch w ajax? sure. i skipped all the time ebfore but fuck. god god god i cant im going to crash OUT. why do i not know anyone and why do i hage no classes worh savannah??? why am i in ap lang and why am i in ap drawing??? why am i taking so many ap classes KNOWING IM TAKING ALGEBRA im actually goingt o kill myself its the first day and goodness i never have bad first days. never ever ever but holy shit. i can feel some sort of imminent doom and i iust feel awful in general i feel so sick. im crashing out its so bad i cpuldnt even be like silly with ajax i just feel like im goojg to get home and start sobbing and idk why. its okay though. itll work out. if its meant to be then itll be and im just being difficult or somethijg. im fine .

[art-that-fucks-you-up-tournament]

SET FOUR - ROUND THREE - MATCH TWO

"The Weather" (exhibited September 24, 2021 – August 7, 2022 - Laurie Anderson) / "Judith Slaying Holofernes" (c. 1620 - Artemisia Gentileschi)

THE WEATHER: This is the Laurie Anderson room at the Hirshhorn Museum in Washington, D.C. I think it used to be part of a larger exhibit but I only saw it recently and by then it was this one room. It’s hard to describe without being there — this huge black room covered in white paint. Drawings, words, on the walls and the floor. I kid you not, walking into that room felt like walking directly into my brain. The fragmentation, the poetry of it, it’s so crowded, bursting with cognition. Remembrances and stray ideas fly around this place and I stayed there for an hour plus, reading everything and looking at everything and sitting in the corner. It made me so insane I went home and wrote an entire prose poem about it. (green-cargaytions)

JUDITH SLAYING HOLOFERNES: i am in love with Caravaggio's works so this isnt 'hating' him or something. but i dont know how else to explain how absolutely brilliant artemisia's work is.

ok alright, so first off in (caravag)gio's works judith looks a little disgusted (?). like she looks as if she's distancing herself from the act. not only from her expressions, but also from the literal distance. it's as if she doesnt want the blood to 'contaminate' her.

as for arte(mis)ia's interpretation, she looks like she's immersed. the proximity, her expression (she seems determined and vindictive) and the grip she has on his hair is gfsdhjdgj

also i love how mis has portrayed the ladies to be physically strong. i adore the arms. they are bulky and i dont know it just seems physical strength.

also also the second woman is involved in the act if his beheading which just idk her interpretation creates such an intimate portrayal. it feels more immersive and powerful. i might be biased, but i feel like the lighting is spectacular too.

also, in gio's version, i feel myself dividing attention between judith and holofernes which creates a short distance in my mind, while in mis' version, all the subjects grab your attention at the same time.

artemisia has portrayed the struggle and resistance wayyyy better too (imo). pay attention to Holofernes' hands. he's trying to fend for himself. the grip judith has as she tries to counter his resistance. besides, notice the sleeve slipping off her outfit. like holy shit.

also did you notice one of her knee on the bed (just noticed as i am writing this and i am frothing at the mouth)

btw i am obsessed with the way mis has painted the bedding. idk the way light hits it, and honestly just the way she has painted it is pretty gorgeous. and also the fabrics, there is something in the way they have been painted.

the blood that spurts out of holofernes' neck is portrayed so 'realistically' in her interpretation too. the way it drips down the bedding.

ok so now if you pay close attention to the way the blood spurts, a string (?) of blood is parallel to judith's bracelet which appears to depict Artemis, which might be a small indication towards her putting herself in the place of judith. it is quite likely because-

(tw: rape)

-artemisia was raped at the age of 17. and she was tortured when she went to recount her experience which would prove her truthfulness (i want to go back in time and gauge their eyes out 🥰).

so not only was she raped, she was also publicly humiliated and this makes it even more likely for it to have been her spin on the mythology. (anonymous)

("The Weather" is an audiovisual exhibition by American artist Laurie Anderson. It was exhibited at the Hirshhorn Museum in Washington DC from September 24, 2021 – August 7, 2022, where it spanned the second floor.

"Judith Slaying Holofernes" is an oil on canvas painting by Italian artist Artemisia Gentileschi. It measures 6′ 6″ x 5′ 4″ (158.8 cm × 125.5 cm) and is located in the Uffizi Gallery in Florence.)

[hinamie]

hi hina! in terms of your art, what would say is your strength(s) and what is your weakness?

!!!! omg ily mariam you're always so good at asking rly thoughtful questions that make me take a step back n Ponder,, tbh im not sure if this is just a Me thing or if every artist experiences this but i feel like my main strengths/weaknesses in my art are just reflective of the strengths/weaknesses i have in all areas of my life .., i am not going to unpack that too much tho smile :)

strength(s)

a bitch is Persistent !!! when I decide to learn how to do something i put in 200% to learning it and learning it Well . ths how i got good at drawing a lot of the things im told i'm "good" at --i did it with hands i did it with torso anatomy i did it with clothing ,, i did it with yuuji's gd hair,, the list goes on !! also i think this is maybe related to why i love making character reference sheets ? granted they take forever and i hate it while i'm in it but at the end of the day i am a proud character sheet Advocate. if u ever want to really hammer something into ur brain .. character sheets.... angles......just sayin ! shit works.......

character design listen i dont want to sing my own praises too much but character design rly is one of my favourite kinds of art to do and i think . im maybe a bit good at it.,, idk,... :3 fr though I put so much time and effort in2 the research and ref compiling and it takes Hours on pinterest and 543254 open tabs but finally getting to put the pieces all together to make something cohesive makes all the pain worth it . whether it's for an oc or an existing character i love designing outfits or alternate forms that Tell u something abt the character i love translating personality into clothing choices and silhouettes and colours and hiding little defining Traits and !!! idk i just have so much fun :'> it reminds me why i love art

weakness(es)

kind of the dark side of persistence, a bitch is Stubborn and Resistant to Change (not just an Artist Flaw(tm) but also a recurring Character Flaw i need to work on gsfdhjfsgd) . I find i don't know how to easily break habits or push myself outside of what's Worked for me in the past, even if i know that other, better ways exist ,,. like I joke abt working harder not smarter and complaining about it but that's not even a joke that's just what I do because I'm too afraid of being Bad at something or trying something and having it not work so I just stick to what I know :( smh if comfort zones r meant to b left why r they comfortable.......

perspective/rooms/dynamic poses,, look ik im microdosing on these rn but a lot of it is still so HARD ,, improvement jail.... :( unique poses r starting to come easier with reference but rooms i hate u . how do u make objects look like they are in a scene and not on it . how to give objects Weight ????? i dont get it...