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onthejadedjournal · 2 months

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update

after i broke down school (the day of the deadline) because of how anxious i was about this whole ordeal - my best friend immediately tried to figure a way around the issue and told me he'll try to coax the teacher into listening to him which was so daring because that teacher is very true to her words and she had really high standards for all of us

it was so hard to talk that day. my head hung so low and i couldn't even hear the lessons because of how mentally distraught i was that day - i had to use my notebook to talk to him because if i talked, i know my sobs and hiccups will be heard and i hate attracting attention. he immediately noticed how distant i acted and it i quickly clicked back to the comic i made back then and. idk. I'm just surprised how accurate that was. i dunno. self projection works ig

either way. at the end of the day - my teacher acknowledged the concern and extended it up to sunday this week

i'm happy but i'm still really. not happy. happy because im given one more chance to work on it but unhappy because - i feel that this could've been worked out much better. or better yet. not a fucking animation

and. im also pissed. really pissed

the trailer wasn't mandatory.

i could've been. working on the story a week before if it werent for the fucking trailer

but. i cant even be too mad about it because at at least the trailer gave me insight on how i feel about animation?

well for one. im not taking the multimedia art course anymore in college. eye opening moment for me

and two - thanks to many people telling me this; you don't have to make it high effort just to please everyone. its okay to dumb it down because an artist's eyes isnt the same as a normal one. another eye opening moment to me

and i guess the trailer was only good for getting everyone to buy our movie tickets. idk

but. the trailer wasnt mandatory. i just learned that and i was really upset.

again. should i be mad or not? I don't know but it just happens. its a double edged sword

another thing that really made me angry was how everyone thinks this is going to be a walk in the park for me. its not. it's not. "she'll do okay because she can draw" "we're going to win some awards thanks to her" god i wish i never heard those i don't even know the first thing about animation im just really lucky to have nicole help me as she's a genuine aspiring animator.

either way im just so ready to forget all of this when im done. i don't want to share this project to friends because i'm more or less traumatized mentally and physically about this and I don't want to recall it again and i'm dead serious about it.

it also doesnt help that i keep getting called a slacker at home for not doing the animation. if only you understand what im feeling. did you not take the hint when i slept early twice? yeah. yeah maybe you should get it next time. just got told that while i was typing this . hahhah

i've lost my energy to be happy and even to selfship (but with one exception i guess) because the last 2 days i just find myself crying to sleep over how angry i am and it sucks because i cant catch up to what my friends are doing and I don't want to be the lump of coal that opposes their energy everytime i come to them which is why i'm just here to rot and complain about it. i know they're willing to be there to help me destress. i know they're worried about me. but i have to consider the external factors (which is. being accused of being a slacker when im in need of comfort from my friends). if i was the only person in the house then i would've done it in a heartbeat

i don't sound the same right now and it all culminates to this. it's almost a month and this is eating me alive consistently to no end. i get bursts of joy here and there but it doesn't outweigh how tired i am

but thankfully i'm given another chance to work on it so.

now im just praying i can make it. im praying

and leave this fucking school soon

#i got home from school for our graduation pictorials #supposed to finish at 2 #finished at 5 #so much time wasted again #sorry I don't have much good things to say

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missusplum · 2 years

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What are your thoughts and analysis on the latest episode and the potential direction of this informant storyline direction with Garette ? Are you still unhappy with the show?

hello anon! sorry for the late reply. as always, i have a lot to say so i’m gonna answer more in depth under the cut lol.

to preface, while i totally get how this might be interpreted given my ranting lmao, i wouldn’t necessarily say i’m unhappy with the show. i have some gripes with the writing choices but ultimately i’m still in it and i want to see what happens!

to me S1 felt a lot tighter because it was easy to focus on the sole arc of the season (keeping luca alive). every character’s arc more or less revolved around this singular goal. S2 has felt more uneven to me but maybe that’s just an inevitable outcome of expanding the TCL world. ep 4 was promising because we saw arman being introduced into more aspects of thony’s life and we got a taste of the storylines intersecting. but ep 5 we went back to the siloed storylines which i didn’t love as much. there’s just a lot going on and it’s been hard to keep focus or care about all the storylines. i’ve kind of said this before, and i know it’s selfish, but the show is spending a lot of scenes on characters i do not really care about at the expense of the ones that i do lol

my thoughts on the latest episode are mixed. i actually appreciated seeing thony and arman butting heads because, given their backgrounds, where either character draws the line in the morality sand will naturally be miles apart. while it was sweet to see thony support arman by the end of the episode, i really feel like it was ultimately a missed opportunity of a scene. imo it was a chance to pick into arman’s psyche this season by having him actually confide in thony about everything he’s been going through. his loss of self worth, his humiliation, how killing hayak affected him, maybe even the guilt he feels for going behind her back because that’s how desperate he’s become — having him and thony actually talk that out and come to a better understanding of each other would have been sooo meaty and necessary. they literally teed it up perfectly but all we ended up getting was like five lines of dialogue (and the rest i guess the audience just has to interpret on our own?? idk). it felt kind of rushed to me to see thony just giving in like she did. now, the little motorcycle scene was cute and i loved to see it, but personally i would have much rather they spent that time on thony and arman talking through his situation and resolving their difference of opinions (or at least try to??). these two will inevitably clash when it comes to their moral codes, that should be expected imo, but seeing how exactly they work towards meeting each other in the middle is what i’m most interested in seeing. how he continues to change her and how she continues to change him. because despite everything they want to keep each other in their lives

i’ve seen some discussion around how both thony and arman have too much going on to sit down and have an actual conversation. but TCL strikes me as the type of show where the characters won’t ever be given a break or a breather, lol. and we often see fiona and thony talking things out so it’s not like the show doesn’t write for it. for some reason, seemingly important conversations between them are often just skipped over. like wouldn’t it have been great to actually see thony telling arman the truth about marco’s death?? what his reaction would have been learning that she’s had to carry this burden? but it was just glossed over for reasons that i can’t comprehend lmao

in a recent interview with daily beast obsessed, it was said that the writers were trying to find a balance of keeping armony apart while still giving fans what they want. which like… idk lol at least for me, i don’t think they’ve been super successful so far. i don’t care that they aren’t together or in love, but what doesn’t work for me is when it feels contrived, and when it’s obvious that a show is keeping a pairing apart just for the sake of keeping them apart. when it’s organic and makes sense, the story feels natural and usually the angst is great. i’ve already gone into this but the crescendo in their relationship built from S1 straight up hit a wall this season, for no real reason other than just that — not wanting to get them together so soon?? narratively, i get wanting tease out the anticipation and the yearning. but you still need to make it make sense!

re: the informant story, i’m not sure how i feel about it yet tbh. i’ve made it clear how much of an incompetent nuisance i find miller to be so i’m not completely enthused that my favs will be forced to work for him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i do like that these different stories are finally colliding but it’s felt like a bit of a drag getting here i’m ngl. like, we all could see kamdar being the brit a mile away right? did we really did 5 episodes to set that up lol. this is what i mean by uneven pacing. little to no time spent on deepening character studies but multiple scenes and episodes setting up the obvious

one last thing i will say is that sometimes it feels like the show is more interested in creating juicy moments than giving us necessary character beats. for example, nadia catching armony riding off was very dramatic i guess? but like why was she even in the alley. what were they even arguing about earlier. she just popped up in the alley to look sad. narrative choices like these have left me wanting more

on the whole i still feel like the season has been unsatisfying and a little muddled so far. we’re almost halfway into the season and it’s still pretty unclear to me where the season is headed towards or what the payoff is anymore. the S1 finale was so satisfying because we got to see our faves triumph and get the one-up on the people after them. what does that even look like for this season? i’m in the middle of genuinely curious and also pretty confused. i’m still tuning in because i love the actors, love the leads, and am still more than invested in potential of the characters and the premise. and i rly wanna see armony bond, make out, just like be near each other etc. i want to see where it all goes and what happens to these characters. to be perfectly clear, i’m more than happy to watch a confusing, unevenly paced TCL than not watch TCL at all! at the end of the day, i just think some of the writing choices could be better, and this is only because the potential is so high. like i would love to look back after S2 has finished and say i was dead wrong and have everything fit and make sense in hindsight. but yeah that’s where i’m at atm!

#the cleaning lady #asks #tcl rants #took a while to make my thoughts seem coherent i’m sorry for the essay lmao

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im-a-goddamn-cat · 3 months

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didn't mean to wake up rn, i'm gonna go back to sleep in a moment, but i'm venting first bc i'm still having bad anxiety and beating myself up over this: so my major is veterinary technician/nursing and one of my classes is nursing skills and we have a lab portion where we actually do nursing skills. this is the second part of the course, there was a first part last semester. anyways, yesterday we had our first practical (like a test) in lab this semester where we have to demonstrate skills for a grade and i fucked up so bad. i kept forgetting things and messing up and my technique on things was awful and a couple things i didn't even get right at all or couldn't finish bc i ran out of time. and my professor seemed annoyed and unhappy with me in some parts and some of the comments/critiques she made made me feel bad, i keep replaying them in my head. she did try helping my through some of the things but i still wasn't doing well. i studied for this too but i guess it wasn't enough. idk if i'm bad at this type of work or if it's bc i was very anxious or if it's bc i need more practice... i hope it's the last two but idk. idk but i'm so embarrassed, i feel so stupid, and i'm questioning if i should even do this career if i'm bad at it. crying rn bc i fucked up so bad, i don't even wanna look at the grade when it comes in bc ik it'll be bad and make me feel worse.

#meowing #negative

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tteokdoroki · 2 years

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Hello and welcome to glasses anon's Gojo brainrot 👓 as I am writing this I eat tiny tiny pancakes with whipped cream which I imagine to be his cum bc I firmly believe his cum's taste goes into the sweet direction (I actually just googled it now and I learned that natural sugar, like the ones in blueberries, strawberries etc makes cum taste sweeter and I just knowww Gojo is shopping these sweet fruits off of the market the second he sees them so yeah that's that and I gained new knowledge appareantly)/j

That was a long intro chile anyways let's begin

Ever since I saw a HC here on tumblr abt Gojo putting on reader's highheels for them I started to t h i n k how much of a leg worshipper he is like bro loves to run his huge hands up your calves and up your thighs beneath your dress- the best is when you're lowkey ticklish and he needs to hold you still so he can feel your skin properly

He's also the type to kiss and lick along your leg when he throws it over his shoulder- idk something about your legs just drives him insane

Speaking of licking I bet my ass he licks over your stomach and blows cold air onto it to make you shiver, he does the same to your cheeks too and bonus points if he has covered your eyes

I always read "he uses his blindfold in the bedroom this and he uses it in sexy time that" but I lowkey think that he actually doesn't- idk I believe he views his own blindfold as something that isn't kinky but more like a daily utensil he uses for his own health. I think if he would use something to cover your eyes, he'd use his hands because they're big enough. That or he holds your head and presses it into the side of his neck- damn the close bodycontact and the primal urge to keep you covered with his body and pin you down with it- mmm he likes that

Naur can we talk abt how pretty this man's ass is? Like- it's so....grabbable- squeezable- slappable- and I know I just knoww he likes it when you touch it altho he gasps dramatically like "hoW dArE yOu SlaP mY bOooTY" but the smirk on his face tells you "do it again"

He likes to be a brat but he loves to be tamed

Overtstimulate him, squeeze him so tight in your pussy his eyes open up so big and he looks like a big blue eyed white owl

Gojo likes it close body contact we established that so I think he'd like to have you grind on him or roll your hips over his, imagine you stimulating your clit on him and a sharp moan coming from you when you did it particularily well and he starts grabbing your hips and doing that motion over and over until you cum but he keeps just grinding you over him until he's so wet w your juices, he also keeps your hands pinned to his chest by holding your wrists so he only lets you down when he allows you to (consensual ofc you guys have a safe word and it's "Cookie")

Gojo has a huuuuge ego so I think if you start complimenting him or showering him with your affection (like the wholesome kind of affection) during seggsy time just makes him feel so loved and wanted even more, making him all blushy and happy

Gojo keeps you on the bed side that's closer to the wall because he feels so happy when you feel safe with him and he doesn't fall asleep unless your breathing evens out and you drift off just so that he can squeeze your squishy cheeks and kiss your sleeping face.

Mans likes the "kiss attacks" he just grabs your cheeks or pins you to a wall to kiss your cheeks, lips, forehead, neck with silly little "mwah" and wet smack sounds before he coos about how adorable you are

Gojo has seen a lot of cute things but you are his favorite cute thing he treats and keeps you like a treasure, how can you be so cute how dare you be so cute you even topped off Megumi in his rebellous teen phase and here he thought that was entertainingly cute

If you call him cute tho his serotonin goes 📈📈📈📈 and he brags about it for the rest of the day- he makes his happiness EVERYONE'S problem

"Hey Nanami, Y/N called me cute!"

If anyone dares to try and make him unhappy they will not be able to catch my fists bc I won't let them they'll get the merciless treatment

Gojo likes to keep you safe yes but can you i m a g i n e how he feels when you erase the inhuman weight on his shoulder by just letting him cuddle into your boobs/the side of your waist or into your stomach and just hold him, scratching his scalp

He feels so much like a human when he is the little spoon

I think your hands are his favorite blindfold too, naur cuz imagine he lays on your lap and you keep his gorgeous eyes shut with your palm while he talks about whatever his silly mind can come up with (and the best thing abt it is you listen to him and do not get annoyed w him or tell him to shut up or call him an idiot unironically)

You guys are like partners in crime he'd steal shopping carts with you just to drive your tired body back from a mission

You feed him and he loves it, sweet treats and fruits taste so much better when they come from your hand, he gets so pouty when you play with him and pull away last second when he was about to bite down- he then grabs your hand and licks it just to make you all flustered- he uses it to his advantage and snatches the treat before licking your fingers clean like the greedy boy he is

If you got food stuck on your face he's gonna lick it off and bite your lip he just has to make everything so extra

He likes using his tongue I guess, he got a rly rly skilled tongue

He's making my daddy issues act up so like when you cry or when you're sad, Gojo is so so so so so SO good at comforting you

He's got such magic hands that stroke your pain away and his voice is so hypnotizing when he tells you sweet nothings to console you

He's the type of guy to rock you back and forth, side to side when you hug and he laughs so goofily because it's so much fun to waddle across the room like that and you cannot help but laugh too into his chest

You help him cut his hair he gotta heep that undercut somehow and he trusts your skills

You have the audacity too to place a small pink bow on the back of his head and wait until he notices it

On the other hand he pins a stupid little paper on your back on which he drew his face on, or a penis- it's a 50/50 chance

Ever since you mentioned a pipe dream of running off with him he's thinking about it a lot and gets sad when it's nothing he can turn into a reality- because usually he tries to make each and every of your wishes come true

Idk I feel like one of his favorite animals are bunnies, but like these very fluffy ones that look more like floofballs than anything, I think he likes cute animals in general- if it's smol, fluffy, big round eyes, bam they got his heart

Speaking of big eyes, give him puppy eyes and boom he has a boner

He likes to hold your hand inside his pocket

Obv vv much into PDA Megumi could throw up right then and there seeing how clingy he is towards you but you enjoy having him all over you so you indulge him

He's shameless lmao he'd check you out at every chance he got and make finger guns at you if you notice it

Gojo is a cinephile and a video game nerd, he 100% has binge-played every game he layed his hands on when he was a lonely little kid in the huge hollow rooms of the Gojo estate- imagine the awestruck look on his face when you hand him a Nintendo and he starts playing in his freetime, rly helps to keep him occupied without having him worry about curses and missions and teaching and what not- give this man a break already

Gojo starts to swing his hips a little bit to the music that plays in the radio and he doesn't realize it

Gojo also stops falling knifes with his infinity- if he drops one and it heads for his feet- it's stuck in the air and he just picks it up and places it back again as if it was nothing

Gojo gets frustrated so easily when he sleeps over somewhere (in hotels for example) and the blankets are too short for his long ass body and legs

On another note Gojo, in his half-asleep state feels across the sheet to find you but when he's in hotels and notices you're not there he just gets lowkey sad and tries to replace you with a pillow- doesn't work- he can't even hump it and that's bad too

Yeah missions are even more annoying once you brightened up his life

Naur cuz imagine when Gojo wants to turn around in bed but doesn't wanna have his back face you he manhandles you in your sleep to the other side to keep holding onto you- you wake up 8/10 when he does so but you decide to just let him throw you over like a limp doll because he will settle down soon enough

I feel like his stomach is very sensitive to touch so when you touch it- yeah you can prolly imagine- he gets a little squirmy, now imagine blowing raspberries on it for funzies and he starts squealing

He doesn't know if he likes the angel or devil themed lingerie more on you-

"If you feel lonely I could be lonely with you" him @/you

100% babies you when you got an injury

"Oh nooo my boo got a boo-boo, you want the dolphin or the hello kitty bandaid?" He's so silly istg but so sweet

I may be projecting now bUt if you have piercings, he likes to help you switch jewlery

Yeaaaaah...I think abt him too much

-glasses anon

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MAKE ME WANT HIM THAT BADLY

#cries cries #not mine #gojo headcanons #the part about gojo loving being called cute #pls praise that man #glasses anon #📧. user anonymous #💌. you’ve got mail

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mythicamagic · 3 years

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As usual... I can never just choose one... soo here are my top choices you choose one. Lol

1. Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?

2. The worst thing is, that even after all of that, I’m still in love with you.

3.that ship has sailed. i’ve had my one great love already

4. we’re just…friends.” “friends don’t do this type of shit!

5. Did you just slap my ass?” / “Actually, I firmly grasped it.”

Why did I decide 2 of the hurt/sad/angst.. idk.. i suppose im glutton for punishment. Dont hurt me too bad if you choose to do one of them myth.

Decided to do a part two for - this ask.

I chose; The worst thing is, that even after all of that, I’m still in love with you.

---

The air felt crisp and clean, biting at Kagome's cheeks as she wound her scarf tighter around her neck. Winter markets were so much fun. The vast array of cute little items on display made warmth light up her chest, even as the candy and children's toys reminded her of a certain fox she'd left behind in the past.

Kagome smiled at Ayumi as she prattled on about something or other.

She shouldn't feel guilty. Shippo had barely visited the village in the last year she'd been there. Everyone had moved on. Including herself, somewhat. She'd been so wrapped up in her whirlwind romance with a certain Daiyoukai- the feudal era had been irreparably damaged as a home for her the second they'd broken up.

But she missed her friends. Dearly.

She shook herself. It was too late to go back on her choice now. The well had sealed shut for good.

Ayumi stopped to grab some hot chocolate from a street vendor, allowing Kagome a moment to warm her hands, rubbing them together.

Snowflakes gently danced about like powdered sugar, kissing Kagome's face as she turned- almost bumping face-first into a muscular chest. Fresh scents of wild forests and thunderstorms filled her nose, and she stiffened.

He smells the same.

Kagome bit the inside of her cheek, blue eyes narrowing. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

"Haven't the faintest idea of what you mean," he arranged his features into mild innocence, which was near impossible due to his smiling eyes.

"Riiight," she muttered, wishing Ayumi would hurry up.

Sesshoumaru gazed down at her, a pink gift bag in hand. Kagome grit her teeth, hating that she wondered who it was meant for.

"I did not intend to run into you here, before you accuse me of anything," his silky voice caressed her hearing once more. It sounded so lulling, designed to draw her back in. "Did you take my gift home with you or did you throw it away?" he asked, deceptively casually.

"Home. But don't think that means anything- it's not the plant's fault you're trying to worm your way back into my life."

The Daiyouki smiled to himself, obviously absurdly pleased. He began pursuing the street vendor's items right beside her, gazing at children's toys with a touch of gentleness in his steady gaze. Kagome was prepared to ignore him- until he leaned down, breath fanning 'accidentally' over her cheek as he picked up a doll and straightened.

"Do you remember Rin? And the other children-"

"Don't," Kagome said, unable to move away. She hated the thrumming of her skin so much. The way it cried out. Hated him.

Her skin flared alive, body humming with hunger. Like a shot of adrenalin to the heart, Kagome dipped her chin into her scarf to try and mask her escalating breathing due to his proximity. When they'd had sex- so many years ago- it hadn't been like human lovemaking.

He'd wired new pathways within her system via his youki. Sometimes she felt like it still lived inside her, having made a home for itself. They hadn't mated, but she felt irreversibly changed by it.

Kagome made a faint noise, squeezing her eyes shut.

Resist him-

"Kagome?"

Oh thank God.

"Ayumi, let's go," she said abruptly, facing her friend with an urgent look in her eyes.

Ayumi tilted her head slightly, eyeing Sesshoumaru curiously. "A-alright?"

"You do not need to leave," he turned, exuding a magnanimous air. "I am the one who intruded on your time, please continue," he gestured to the market, ensnaring Kagome's gaze with his own. Unblinking, unable to hide his more animalistic habits even after so many years.

"I hope to see you some other time when my presence does not disturb you," he said softly, walking away.

---

When entering work that Saturday, Kagome could already sense the buzz in the air. Someone had generously donated some priceless artefacts to their museum. The previously undiscovered finds that shaken everyone due to their rarity and mint condition. No one could stop talking about it.

Kagome's blood ran cold the second the items in question were described to her. Pushing through the crowd that had gathered, she stared in horror at the display case.

Itching for a fight, she immediately stormed to his office downtown, opening the door to reception and letting herself in. "Is Sesshoumaru here?" she burst, stopping in front of the secretary's desk.

"Mr Taisho?" the woman blinked, obviously thrown by the petite, angry miko currently glaring at her and using his name so informally. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No. Just tell him Kagome is here."

She was let into his office soon enough, trying to keep a lid on her crackling reiki. Sesshoumaru glanced up from his computer. "Miko? What a pleasant surprise."

Kagome slammed an article atop his desk. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she snapped.

He raised a brow, briefly flicking his attention to the contents. A photo of red and white silks, coupled with polished spiked armour sat in a display unit. "Something wrong? It was just a donation, given in good faith."

"Donated to my workplace!" Kagome seethed, groaning and burying her face in her hands. "Don't you realise I'm going to have to see your things now every day? I've worn those clothes! I've slept in them as pyjamas! Are you trying to mess with me because you want me back?"

"That's a little dramatic, dear one, I'm not trying to 'mess with you.' It was just a donation," he rose from his seat, face inches from hers. "And if I wanted to romance you, I'd go about it much differently."

"Don't 'dear one' me," she snapped. "You could've donated that stuff years ago- or to a different museum. But no, you had to give it to mine."

"My gift was not meant to distress you, but," he rounded the table slowly, fingers dragging over the wood. "It does make me worry, seeing you so worn thin. Is something else going on? Separate from...us?"

Kagome stiffened, avoiding eye contact. Things with her boyfriend had been strained as of late, and the Daiyoukai's sudden appearance back into her life wasn't helping matters.

"There is no 'us.' I'm frustrated and exhausted, that's all. Don't make things even more complicated by asking about that stuff."

Sesshoumaru lingered close, and Kagome didn't shy away. The one person she couldn't bear to be near was also the only being who could offer some semblance of comfort to her due to his familiarity.

"This one meant to give you something," reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a business card, handing it over. Kagome immediately froze, staring at the name. "You miss him," Sesshoumaru murmured. "The kit lives in Kyoto now with his wife and children. Call him."

Tears pricked her eyes, and Kagome bowed her head. Full lips crumpled into a wobbly line.

"If there is something I regret more than our parting, it is that you felt compelled to leave. The fault lies with me."

Shaking her head, a saddened laugh bubbled up her throat. "It was my decision to break up, and it was my decision to leave the Feudal Era. Don't...blame yourself for that part."

"You did not do anything wrong," a long-fingered hand reached out, blunt nails losing their glamour. Sharp claws stroked dark curling hair back from her neck. Kagome's breathing hitched. "When we were together- you did not do anything wrong. We were both so young. It was foolish of me to act as I did, but I think it is now... that we are in the right place for something more."

Kagome shivered, body warming to him. Intuitively, the brush of fingers on her neck made her foolishly anticipate a kiss- sorely disappointed when it didn't come. "I'm not," she forced herself to say. Seeing the disappointment darken his brown eyes, she sighed. "I miss you," Kagome admitted quietly, turning away to escape from his touch. "I miss how... we were. I'm terrified of that, though. I was...under the impression we'd be together. Permanently. Then you had to go and tell me you needed 'pure' heirs to continue the family bloodline."

She laughed bitterly, loosely holding her arms. "The worst thing is, that even after all of that, I'm still in love with you."

"You are frightened that I will hurt you again."

Kagome nodded mutely. She then forced a giggle, giving a weak smile. "Besides, you may not like me as I am now. I'm more jaded than before."

"I like what I see very much," moving closer once more as though experiencing a gravitational pull, he stopped inches away. "I have missed you too," he muttered quietly, genuinely. She could feel him inhale her scent through her hair. "Very much."

Her mouth suddenly became dry. "I'm with Natsuki-"

"Leave him," a rush of passion entered his voice as Sesshoumaru swept closer, backing her into the desk. The wood dug into her thighs, their hips meeting. "This one is not interested in being 'the other man' in an affair. Nor am I interested in watching you remain with someone less than ideal," he snorted, resting his hand over her wrist and grazing his thumb over it.

"Y-you don't know anything about it!"

"I could smell your scent. It was not bright and cheerful even before I re-entered your life the other day. His feels...murky on you. Unhappy."

Kagome swallowed thickly, glancing away. "Observant as ever," she admitted softly.

"Or perhaps you did a poor job of hiding it," backing off a little- he rested his hip next to hers beside the desk, remaining near but barely touching. And yet everything felt so close. "You've changed. But you're still the same at your core, miko," hot breath fanned over her neck, teeth ghosting over the shell of her ear. "If you permitted me, I would not be reckless with your heart again, as I was in my youth."

Her palms traitorously slid up, sliding over firm muscles- running across his chest. He felt warm. His heart was beating fast. Was he nervous? Such a thing sounded impossible.

She bit her lip, secretly longing for the sensation of silks under her hands again instead of the modern cotton of his shirt.

"I don't know that I believe you," Kagome met his gaze, rewarded with the golden glow of his eyes instead of human brown.

"I've gotta go," she said reluctantly, forcing herself to pull away. "I need to be at work."

"Very well," he hummed, unmoving. "But if you...need something. You know where to find me."

He sounded almost desperate for an excuse to talk with her. Giving a curt nod, she let herself out of his office with a long breath, shaking her head. Sesshoumaru's static youki haunted her steps for the remainder of the day.

#Sesskag #Sesshoumaru x Kagome #asks

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odos-bucket · 4 years

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My sister made me watch the Witcher so you can thank her for this

I’ve been thinking about Geralt not really having a concept of how he should be treated in almost any kind of situation, and that coming up in his relationship with Jaskier. which it probably does in a bunch of different contexts, but I’ve been thinking about their first time having sex (which for the purposes of the scenario I’m going to say is a little while after they’ve had the conversation that’s in every fic where they talk about their feelings, rather than immediately following that.)

Jaskier has had a lot of partners he probably has the pre-sex ‘let’s talk about what each of us does or doesn’t want’ conversation down to an artform. Geralt hasn’t really had any type of conversation with most of the people who he’s slept with, he’s just kind of let them do whatever they wanted. So when they’re at an inn, making out, starting to undress, and Jaskier says “we should talk” Geralt is

Confused.

But he just sort of nods and leans back. And Jaskier starts talking about where he is and isn’t comfortable being touched, and things he doesn’t like to be called, and he keeps talking. And Geralt has never had a lover do this before but he’s listening intently because he so wants this to be good for the bard. But then he stops talking, and is looking at him expectantly

So Geralt moves towards him again, assuming that they’re just going to continue, but then Jaskier says “what about you?”

This time he doesn’t lean back, but he does kind of shift the way he’s kneeling over his friends legs.

“What about me?”

“I want to make sure I don’t hurt you without meaning to.”

Geralt raises an eyebrow at that.

“I’m being serious,” Jaskier presses.

“I thought the reason people bedded witchers was to have a partner they don’t have to worry about being gentle with.”

And that is absolutely the wrong thing to say, because everything about Jaskier changes. His expression goes kind of blank, his posture tightens. The smell of arousal dissipates into something that’s sad and angry. He starts to reach for Geralt, but pauses.

“Can I...”

Geralt nods, because why shouldn’t Jaskier touch him? And the bard lurches forward, wraps his arms so tightly around his shoulders, and he’s shaking, and Geralt has no fucking clue what to do, but then Jaskier’s voice is right by his ear, and the breaths between his words are shaking too.

“Has no one been gentle with you, darling?”

Geralt doesn’t know how to respond to that, but the hug is nice, and still kind of new. He returns it the way he often returns embraces, with a mix of greed and awe. He’s still a little confused, but the still novel experience of being touched by someone who isn’t trying to hurt him, who doesn’t reek of fear, overpowers that.

When they separate, Jaskier’s hands trail down Geralt’s arms, and eventually take hold of his own. They’re still close enough that they’re bare knees press together.

“Is that a stupid question? I don’t-” He looks distracted, he smells almost scared. It’s a scent that would usually have Geralt backing off, but Jaskier is still holding onto him so tightly, and then talking very quickly.

“I don’t mean to knock anyone who likes it a little rough, everyone’s entitled to their preferences, live and let live, and it’s not that I don’t understand the appeal at all. It’s just...” He takes his first breath since he’s started talking, shakes his head, and slows down. “I don’t like the way that sounded, Geralt. And, if we’re going to be involved like this-” then suddenly he’s freezing again, his eyes widening in alarm, and his hands retreating from Geralt’s. And there’s no mistaking his fear for anything else now, so Geralt moves to get off the bed, to leave the room if he has to, to give Jaskier any space he needs. But then the sound of the bard’s voice holds him in place.

“Do you want this?” He asks. “Be honest, gods, please be honest.”

“Yes.” He didn’t mean for it to come out so fast, so certain, but there it was. And Jaskier is relaxing again, if only minutely, so maybe allowing the embarrassing excess of emotion into his voice had been worth it. Geralt hesitantly rejoins their hands. “’If we’re going to be involved like this...?’“ he prompts.

“I need to know that you won’t let me do anything that you don’t want. I need you to tell me what isn’t okay.” Geralt’s never heard him sound more urgent. “Because- because I’ve seen you let people hurt you because you thought that if you defended yourself you would hurt them. And I can’t become one of those people. I won’t.”

And it makes Geralt feel kind of raw when he finally understands what Jaskier is saying to him, and suddenly there’s a ridiculous flutter of anxiety in his chest and stomach.

“Okay.” He clears his throat. “Thank you.”

“This isn’t something you should have to thank me for.”

“Consider it a thanks for everything then.”

That brings the first smile to Jaskier’s face since the start of this whole discussion. And that smile makes Geralt feel safe, it has for a long time, makes him feel like he can say or do things that he thought he never would.

But even so there’s this pesky gnat of fear. He doesn’t want to say something that could ruin this. Then again, he had felt the same way before kissing the bard for the first time, before admitting that he cared. He had been so scared of disrupting their existing friendship. And that had turned out all right.

“I don’t like to be restrained,” he admits, and dammit, now his voice is shaking too. “And don’t call me ‘mutant’, or ‘witcher.’”

He watches for a few seconds as relief and anger war through Jaskier. After several seconds, his expression settles into the former, while his scent maintains hints of the latter. He brings their foreheads together and closes his eyes.

“You’re upset,” Geralt observes after a few more seconds. It isn’t in his posture, or written on his face, but it’s still there in his smell.

Jaskier nods.

“You know it’s not at you, right?”

Geralt nods.

“I hate whoever or whatever it was that made you feel like you couldn’t tell me these things.”

“I just didn’t want-” Geralt begins. Jaskier opens his eyes as he speaks, and is looking at him with an adoration that Geralt never could have imagined having directed at him. “I know it can be a dealbreaker for people.”

Jaskier makes a face that somehow manages to be amused and unhappy at the same time.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“The bindings,” he elaborates. “People want to be sure that I can’t hurt them. It makes sense, I just-”

“No!” Jaskier cuts in, a wave of anger washing out his previous cocktail of mixed emotions. The hands that had been tracing lightly over his skin come to clutch at his arms. “It does not make sense! Fuck! Geralt, people who are so scared of you they won’t touch you unless you’re tied up don’t deserve to touch you at all! I don’t think they deserve to look at you!”

Indignation on his behalf isn’t something Geralt thinks he’ll ever get used to. It overwhelms him every time. But in that moment he also feels a little annoyed. He’s not sure why; he’s barely mastered the art of identifying the emotions themselves, figuring out where they come from is going to be a whole other matter.

“I don’t exactly have a lot of options.” It might come out harsher than he intends. Jaskier’s expression is suddenly apologetic. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“No, I’m sorry. That wasn’t meant to be a condemnation on your choices. I just- it’s hard for me to think about people hurting you. The thought that I could have done it scared me. Will you promise-” He shakes his head. “No. Will you try to make your needs known? Every time. No matter who you’re with.”

In just that moment, Geralt really isn’t sure if he can promise that or not. But in just that moment, it hardly seems like it matters; he’s not planning to be with anyone else any time soon.

~end~

that was supposed to be a short headcannon idk what happened. I haven’t written fanfiction in a million years and I guess I just did it accidentally? It was fun though, might try doing it again sometime.

#geraskier #the witcher #gerlion #geralt x dandelion #how do people tag things?#fanfiction #ignore me #witcher #my writing

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firemblem-fics · 4 years

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Smitten Kitten [Finale]

one | two | three | four | finale

-> Pairing: Felix x Female!Reader | Hybrid!AU (mostly platonic idk)

-> Warnings: Abuse mentions, Like Two Sex Jokes, Yelling

-> Genre: Angst, Fluff

-> Word Count: 1.6k

-> Summary: You never wanted to be involved with hybrids. They were risky and had too many rules for you. But what will you do when a little black and white cat that you take in turns out to be the very thing you steered clear of?

-> A/N: Okay so the more i wrote this the more i realized it was more platonic than anything and also it barely fucking features felix and i’m just very unhappy with it i suppose ... maybe in the future i’ll rewrite idk i’m really sorry for this i kinda hate it but i’ve been working on it for so long i didn’t want to make people wait longer

Soon, the bell rang once more and you turned your head, finally making eye contact with those red eyes you'd been longing to see for weeks.

"Fe!" You nearly stumbled forward as you rushed towards the hybrid, your heart leaping as you reached out to-

"Don't touch him!"

Karen's shrill voice was like an invisible wall that was keeping you away from Felix. You almost shrunk back as she yelled, but you stood tall. The Hybrid Services needed to see that you were strong and fully capable of taking care of Felix and you were determined to do just that.

You only looked at Felix expectantly. He went to walk over to you, but was stopped with an extremely harsh tug on his leash. He hissed at Doug, who was talking to an HPS officer with a hardened gaze.

Karen, on the other hand, walked coolly up to you. "What's your problem?" She sneered.

"My problem? You're hurting Felix."

"We're just disciplining him," She rolled her eyes, "Sometimes a savage animal needs a few hits to get the rules in their head. Felix plays too many games that we don't feel like dealing with."

"Then why do you keep him?"

"Have you seen the boy? He's gorgeous. He's won multiple awards and thousands of dollars at Hybrid Shows. A bit of pain is worth the prize."

It was your turn to roll your eyes. "He's gorgeous, yeah? Is that why you felt the need to cover his bruises with makeup? I took care of Felix for two months and he never caused any trouble. He was polite, respectful, thoughtful, and never once did he need to be 'punished'. He's not the problem- you are."

"Why you-"

"Mr. and Mrs..." An officer called the couple away from you. He began showing them all of the messages between you and Felix- proof of their wrongs.

You, on the other hand, turned to the cat-boy and finished what you started, throwing your arms around his torso and squeezing him tightly. In return, Felix only stiffened up. He didn't know where to put his hands, choosing to rest them on your shoulders as his chin laid on the crown of your head. You only got a few seconds of alone time before another pair of arms wrapped around the two of you.

"How sweet, a reunion! I'm sniffing out a kiss and some 'I missed you' sex later on- OW!"

Felix's hand went from your shoulder to Sylvain's stomach, stopping him in his sentence. "Go fuck yourself."

"Only if you watch me~"

You laughed, pulling back from the hug and looking over at Ashe, who was now engaged in a conversation with one of the HPS officers. You were more than thankful to have him at your side. Ashe had gone through the same little trial to get custody of Sylvain, so he was more than willing to help you get Felix out of his shitty situation as well.

Ashe had explained to you how Hybrid cases worked. Evidence would be presented to officers or a Hybrid Facilitator, such as Nancy, and they would make the call as to what happens next. You would be presenting evidence of Karen and Doug’s abuse to them and asking for Felix to be placed in your care. Lucky for you, Felix could speak on your behalf as well since he had stayed with you for two months.

You were scared. Felix was a big boy. He hid his emotions and stayed strong throughout the shit that his owners put him through, but even the strongest people have their limits. Unfortunately for you, Felix was still a hybrid. Legally considered an animal and treated as even less.

You couldn’t give him the freedom that he deserved, but you would try your damn hardest to give him a happy life.

You nearly teared up thinking about it and Felix must have noticed, for amidst his and Sylvain’s bickering he subtly placed his hand on the small of your back. It stayed there when the officers gathered everyone together, letting both sides present their cases. You spoke first.

“Two months ago, I found a little black and white cat in a dumpster. He was cold, hungry, and unhappy. I took him in and learned later on that he was Felix. Felix stayed with me for two months. I was under the presumption that he was kicked out of his old home- that was what he had told me, anyways.” That earned you a glare from the man beside you. “But I sheltered him for about two months, waiting for someone to come looking for him. They never did, so I took him here to get some papers filled out and make him legally… mine.”

You spat out the last word. God, did you hate the idea of having a human as a pet. Felix’s thumb brushed your back again, providing you with his own quiet form of comfort and amping you up to continue.

“I came, got some papers, and left. I should have known that he would have had papers under Doug and Karen’s name, but since I believed that they no longer wanted him, I went ahead and took ownership. Then they came up to my door later that day and took him. He had actually run away from them.

Felix put up a fight at first- he didn’t want to go. I gave him Sylvain, the other hybrid’s, phone so that he could still message me if he needed anything. The minute he left, he sent me a voice recording of those two screaming at him in the car. Since then, all of those messages had been sent as evidence that Karen and Doug have threatened him and harmed him emotionally, verbally, and physically. I want Felix to stay with me. They called him a behavioral issue, but I know how to treat him. I’ve never had an issue with him. Ever. I want full ownership of Felix Hugo Fraldarius.”

Nancy nodded and pointed to the couple, who were fuming on the other side of the room. Karen practically stormed up to Nancy and the officers, her face redder than Sylvain’s hair and voice more annoying than Sylvain himself.

“She obviously stole Felix from us!”

“What the fuck?” Said hybrid suddenly interrupted. An officer shushed him and motioned for Karen to continue.

“Felix is an award-winning, purebred Fraldarius tuxedo cat. He’s won thousands of dollars in prize money and trophies and awards, so of course a lower class girl like her would want such a high end Hybrid. He would win her money. She could have easily turned him into the facility, but she didn’t, so she stole him from us!”’

Karen had a point- you should have turned Felix in, but you couldn’t. The little cat had wormed his way into your heart more and more every day- even if he was kind of an ass in the beginning.

He still is an ass, but a little less now. You knew that when his arm moved from your back to around your shoulders, thumb now soothing the skin there.

“Wh- I didn’t even know he was a show cat until you two showed up and told me!” You defended. His hand gripped tighter as if already trying to hold you back. You were rather ready to tear this lady to shreds, honestly, so he was helping.

“You’re such a little liar- and those videos, too! They’re obviously fake. You don’t deserve Felix, you deserve to be jailed for stealing our precious prize!”

“Prize?! You don’t even see him as a real being with feelings and emotions or anything! Look-“ You suddenly licked your thumb, turning around and swiping underneath Felix’s eye. “He’s got bruises that you gave him and hid. Your face and fist are in that video. I’ve got selfies I took of him and I when he was in my care- there are no injuries, so they obviously happened in your care.”

“And how do they know you didn’t use makeup to hide the bruises you gave him?” Karen accused. God, she really was going the extra mile here. “Listen, little bitch, Felix is ours and he will be if I have to pry it from your little dead fingers.”

“You won’t lay a hand on her.” Felix speaks up. He turns to Nancy and sighs. “I wasn’t going to say anything because my pride heavily prevented me, but I am afraid of Karen and Doug. They have abused me in the last few years that I’ve been in their care and I can’t do it anymore. I can recount every single instance where they have harmed me and I will gladly do it if it means I can get the hell away from them and go with people who actually treat me well.” His face stayed straight as he spoke, his eyes hardened in a desperate attempt to show everyone how he wasn’t affected. Felix never was one to show his feelings- you were proud that he did this.

The officers, who had stayed silent for the entire time, looked at each other.

One sighed and spoke up. “You two are under arrest for Hybrid cruelty and will be investigated further and punished as charged.” He turned to you, “Do you mind if we keep the phone for a while to extract evidence?”

“I mind-“

“Not at all.” You cut off Sylvain, “He can go a little longer without his phone. He needs to go longer.”

The officer thanked you and led the two away, nearly kicking and screaming.

Nancy watched as they left, typing some things into her computer before standing up. “If any of you can follow me to the back, I need to put the proper information on a new collar tag.”

Ashe volunteered and dragged Sylvain back with him, leaving you and Felix alone at the front. You turned back to him and slipped your arms around his waist once more. Felix looked around, making sure nobody was near before holding you back properly this time. A purr erupted from his throat- quiet, but soothing as your ear was pressed against his chest.

“You’re coming home, Fe.”

“I’m already home right here with you.”

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cloveroctobers · 4 years

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GARY RENNELL —

IG info/bio | @/rennellnotreynolds | 300k followers | currently havin a midlife crisis at thee moment so cheers! 🍻🏋🏼‍♂️🤨

23 (24) years old

Born & raised in Chatham, England there’s no other place like it to him. Sure when he went on holiday to the villa, it was quite nice but nothing ever beats home. He genuinely believes that he’s meant to be in this place since it’s all he’s ever known & doesn’t think he’ll live anywhere else

Raised by his nan & is an only child. Was at risk of being placed in foster care until his paternal nan came forth to raise him

His father and nan did not have the best relationship due to the way he chose to live his life and Gary was kept away from his nan until he was about 10 years of age

Does not like to talk about his birth parents due to the trauma, which is why he feels like his nan is his everything. His savior and why she means so much to him

His nan once told him that he favors his mother, Gail. He never had the chance to really know her, but was aware that she was very unhappy with herself &, “chose to be with the stars” just before his 5th birthday

That’s one of the reasons why he finds himself always looking up at the stars, usually when he’s drunk out at the docks by himself, he’ll try to talk to his mom, to know her better

I feel like he’s either a cancer or a Libra?

Update: Cancer sun + libra moon + Taurus rising

Went to uni for a semester and thought about architecture as a profession but ultimately felt like uni was NOT for him and eventually juggled around with jobs until he landed into the crane operator field which he found himself to be great at

For as long as he and his nan can remember, he always loved playing with cars, ships, building Legos, (I’m American idk if this is a thing there too or it’s something different/similar so my apologies lol) and putting things together. He never cared for reading instructions, Gary’s a hands on type of guy/learner and it’s how he best communicates

He likes heights, so this job wasn’t an issue it was just getting through the program for 2-3 years that was a pain in his ass but he was determined + knew this was what he was good at and stuck with it.

It was tiring working 40 sometimes over 40 hrs a week but he’s passionate about his work so he’d never dare change it

Due to this job being a lot physically, he would use muscle cream to help his pain or pay to see a masseuse whenever he could or wasn’t being cheap about it + often buys epsom salt to bathe in 3 or so times a week

Total penny pincher! I can see him being so, his dad told him all about how to hold onto what he’s got and always look for a bargain but with a gambler for a father, you can only imagine how that worked in his favor

Lives with his nan and doesn’t see an issue with it. His mates definitely tease him about it but know how much the woman means to him but still think it’s a major c*ck block for him but it’s a two for one package deal and anyone who doesn’t understand that doesn’t deserve him

Will probably still live in her house once IF she p*sses

Nan is a big fan of wallpaper and has one room in the flat that has squeaky plastic covering most of her furniture ( she loves furniture shopping) & only takes it off once her lady friends come over with consists of a huge cleaning routine which Gary secretly hates but pushes through it while she plays some old tunes on her jukebox

He finds himself singing those exact songs when he’s getting ready for work and actually enjoys them...but don’t ever tell his mates that!

His nan taught him basic household care & he finds himself scolding his mates for not knowing how to wash their underwear & always taking it to their mum’s or having their girlfriends do it for them

Loves washing clothes on a Sunday in the backyard + hanging them on the clothes line. His nan doesn’t believe in washer machines & makes her own detergent

He’s always down for a rooftop hangout, whether drunk or not. To be up almost as high as the stars is such a feeling or hang out with his mates laughing it up

Occasionally smokes cigarettes when he’s really stressed, he’s not proud of the nasty habit and tries his hardest to hide it from his nan & Lottie but they both know

Is in a on and off again relationship with Lottie. She’s met his nan, they both like each other. And that makes Gary extremely happy

Gary is the laid back one out of the two and Lottie is firey and needs constant reminding from Gary that he wants to be with her whereas Gary feels like that’s something she should already know and he’s told her a couple of times before, he’s sure of it. He doesn’t get why she doesn’t get that

Which results in arguments. Lottie chose to live in England for half of the year and goes back to Australia for the other half. Nan encouraged Lottie to live with the two of them until she decided to get her own place in England, or rather the two of them together. Nan doesn’t believe Gary will leave in fear of her being lonely, which she’s not! By all means, nan keeps busy! But Lottie desperately wants to have her own space with Gary away from nan, even tho she adores the spunky lady.

When they don’t see eye to eye she does what she does best and leaves, which is exhausting to Gary

They’ll go days without speaking until the other cracks. At first it would be Gary but since it’s been a year into their relationship, he’s gotten used to it and let’s her come back to him when she’s ready

He cares for Lottie, he really does. And wants this to work but he just wishes they could be more secure in their relationship.

Was a f*ckboy way back when from 18-20 and rarely there’s his old flings who show up just to cause drama knowing that Gary’s got a new girl in his life that LIVES with him, which Gary dreads that this small town knows his business. He hates confrontation but there’s one thing about Lottie, she’s never going to bite her tongue. So whenever those girls do try it with not only her but Gary she goes off.

Gary is protective too so when those messy girls start shit at the pub, he’s instantly trying to get Lottie away from the issue. Then there’s drinks flying and slap fights happening + hair pulling & they’re getting kicked out of the club/pub or even cops called on them.

“This blows. I thought you said you were trying to be better than this, Lottie.” “Me? What about those slags?! They attack not only me but your character too!” Which adds to a list of the reasons they fight.

Nonetheless they do have their fun moments together, getting drunk by the docks, getting random tattoos, hanging with his friends & their significant others, + going to the theatre

Lottie still thinks this town is very slow-pace, sleepy, cloudy and hardly has sun— which is okay to her some days but other day’s it can be dreadful and much different from her fast-pace life but she finds the little things like spending time with Gary to encourage her to stay

Gary likes playing games when he has his free time, like fortnite, red dead redemption, Final fantasy, & SUPER SMASH BROS & almost always plays with Ibrahim who informs him about new games which makes Lottie want to slam her head against the wall since that can take hours

Keeps in touch with all of the boys in villa and makes sure they have zoom meetings as much as they can because he cares about those boys. Noah tries to schedule them but usually it’s happens at random which annoys him but he gets over it. Gary spent month(s) with them. They’re basically his extended family & that’s saying a lot since he views his home to a high standard and has friends here but they’re nothing like his villa brother’s

Also into woodwork. He didn’t think he’d enjoy it but he likes to do it more when the weather gets crisp and he battles with that over cigarettes to ease his worries in life, then goes and have his daily dose of tea

Finally stopped dying his hair that awful yellow and stuck with it. Marisol was the first to see it, after an accidental FaceTime call which was supposed to be just a regular phone call but whatever? They’d all eventually see it if he EVER decided to post to his IG stories!

She compliments him in Spanish yanking her glasses off leaving him highly confused, “is that good?” “If Lottie doesn’t sit on your— which leaves Gary very wide eyed opposed to his raised brows but Marisol is cut off by Graham clearing his throat

Lottie does indeed like it & shows him how much and later asks his option on what color she should dye her hair next. 3 out of the 13 look the exact same to Gary. But he helps her dye her hair which comes out patchy but there’s no way in hell she’s letting anyone else touch her hair. She’s been doing this all on her own for some time now. Gary’s lucky she even allowed him to help her! So she dyes it back to blonde, all of it, and waits a few weeks to dye it all blue

Gary’s definitely into old boy bands especially LFO & serenades, “girl on tv” to Lottie all the time, likes 98 degrees, Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, Boys II men, & Dru Hill

As for modern day music, he LOVES to work out to tame impala which never makes sense to his mates but he usually works out the next day after getting shit-faced, he’s also in love with lizzo’s music, laundry day, brockhampton, & rina sawayama

Anthem = mac demarco, “Salad Days”

Celeb crush? Julia Roberts, Salma Hayek, Anne-Marie, Leona Lewis, & Noah Cyrus

#litg #litg s2 #litg2 #litg gary #litg lottie #litg headcanon #litg headcanons #litg au

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lie---ability · 3 years

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for too many times in my life had i been wrong about people. so much that anyone who tries to have anything with me makes me anxious. i even get anxious about my upcoming job at Virus & Partners because new people = chances of any of them hurting me. i have been wrong about people so much that i think it's because i idealize them so much. i mean an example could be us hanging out everyday, do a lot of things together, stay out late together, ditch others for each other, chat each other right after being together the entire day, say i love you and get home safe — and i'd think we're best friends!!! only for her to say we never were. and that she never wanted to be close with someone like me. so it must be me, right? maybe i just fell in love with the thought that she's a great best friend. at the same time i think, no. she was a best friend, she did exist. that version of her existed. or at least did when it was convenient or beneficial to her, but when the time came where it wasn't, she threw me under the bus, become totally different from who i loved. who i proudly said was my best friend. all those months that built up my comfort, trust, attachment — ended up being told as a lie. and if it came from the person herself that they were lies, who am i to say she's just saying that for whatever reason? she said it herself. we weren't best friends even if she said it before. so what was the truth? was i just really stupid and idealistic? or are people just so awful now? it's like i'm this fish in a pond who's so easy to catch with just the right amount of treat. like i'd swim away when you approach but try a bit more and i'd fall for it. attachment issues suck, more so my abandonment issues.

but this post isn't about jodie. this is about my first boyfriend, rikko.

first because rj doesn't count, the fuck? that shit was a joke lol i just got a dose of reality at an early age. no love there at all. who even falls in love at 13? that shit illegal. so yes, rikko is my first boyfriend ♥️ and even though i've dated guys before, he's the only one i ever loved so far. i love him so much. in fact, before i was already starting to think that maybe i'm not capable of love? i mean, i'm aware i'm a mean person. but i didn't think of myself as someone incapable of falling in love. but among the guys i met and dated, ALL OF THEM WERE JUST TO FEED MY EGO. ego ego ego. tell me i'm pretty. keep asking me to go out and let me reject you over and over again. show me how much you wanna take me out on a date again. over and over and all of them were unintended! when i do talk to someone, a part of me tries! maybe this could work? but it kept ending the same way. ego food. which led me to think fuckkk i'm incapable of loving too? what am i here for then tfuck? — until i met rikko! and everything he did and said, i wanted more of it. the more he laughed, the more he cried, i wanted to keep seeing them, even if he laughs/cries for the same reasons over and over. i wanted the things he wanted. i wanted to like the shit he liked, and i did! i hated touch but i love being held by him. he was expressive too! like the other boys! but for some reason, it wasn't ego food. they became credit scores for me. each time he gets a point, it adds up to my reasons why this is it! why this is worth a try! and i struggled and fought hard. the commitment and daddy issues, the anxiety, the fear of abandonment, blah blah and he did and said the right things at the right time he went at the right places, gave the right gifts, promised the right things — all for him to turn out to be just like everybody else. he died months into my life. he couldn't keep up with the character he played, and idk why people keep playing a character on me. jodie played the supportive bff but really wanted to be some sort of main character which i think is rather difficult hence the hurtful betrayal. and then there's rikko, who played the boy i could ever want, but never was that person. he never was that person to his parents and friends, and i thought he would suddenly change for me? that's some boss level pick me girl shit. i love rikko, even now as i type this. i met him january 2020, it's july 29, 2021 today, and i love him so much. but i'm not sure if i should be with him anymore. on principle, morals, self-care, common sense, logic, religion. why? because he died. he died last january 2021. he's no longer the same rikko i fell for. his hands aren't the ones i fought myself to hold. he's not the same person who went all the way from paranaque to cainta for me at 8pm because my dad told me he almost had another baby with someone ON MY BIRTHDAY. he's not the same person i looked at up at Sm Aura thinking he could be the one. and that i belong here, with him. that i love being with him, and he could be other things, but i want to be with him. he didn't know it, but looking at him as he talked about his friends, those things ran in my head. it was the same rikko who got teary eyed when he misunderstood me there at the Sm Aura rooftop, thinking i meant that i was just playing him. the rikko who gave me a necklace for no reason, wore it on me and even had it in a totally unsuspecting case (tea bag) which made the surprise funnier and cuter, is... yep... no longer here. the rikko who kept reminding me i'm redeemable, that i'm not my anxieties, i'm not my bad brain, i'm not my small voice, that rikko is long gone. and still i stayed waiting, making excuses, reasoning out with myself, trusting that he'd come back and funny enough, 7 months in and... he's still gone.

the saddest part is he doesn't want to be like that. or so i think. he tries. i see him trying. i see the efforts. he tries to ask me about my day, about my worries, why i'm anxious, why i'm sad or irritated. he asks me about work, applications and when i'm out with friends or family. he tries to make time for me even now that he prefers valorant over ml with me, i know he tries to play ml with me. he tries to take some time off work to talk to me. he tries to post on social media now, shares my ig stories, joins my tiktoks and get along with my jokes. he tries. i know he does. but that's the thing. he has to try. and maybe those things, he just isn't. and the difference between trying and develop is with development, there is direction. there is progress. with rikko... it's unstable. sometimes he can do this, but the next times not so sure. and as someone anxious with rejection and abandonment issues, inconsistencies are okay, but a lot of them? and major ones? NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OF IT. so many things rikko doesn't know and still he has it in him to say or assume a lot of things about me. one of them is when he said i'm ALWAYS annoyed at him. does he know how many times i get annoyed at things he do? but i don't address all of them not because i don't want to but because i acknowledge that they're not worth the fight or i'm just being hotheaded or immature or maybe inconsiderate. i think first before i act on him because if i learned anything about rikko, emotions have to make sense! which is wrong in the first place but that's who i'm with! but at the times i can't help being tampo, annoyed, or upset, he finds it in him to tell me i'm a l w a y s annoyed? WHEN?!?! i even asked him when and i know he realized it but still he fell stubborn to his pride. does he also know that his gifts don't make me kilig anymore? they just relieve me at this point which is sad!!! fucking sad!!! why? for example, for my virtual college graduation i was getting anxious few days before because i'm worried he won't give me anything or do something for me which will surely trigger my ~neglected issues~ and if i do get triggered, instead of addressing and being there for me, instead of making it up to me, he'd get mad! he'd make me feel that i'm asking for so much, for the impossible, all while i see it happen to people. i see other dudes give their girlfriends things without occasion. i see them try to like the things their girlfriends like, even embarrassing ones that she posts on social media. i see men constantly expressing their love for their gfs, for the person they asked to commit to them. all while i have one who would call me demanding, needy and exhausting. imagine? lol i get anxious he won't fulfill me not because i'd get sad but because he'll get mad when i get upset. he'd make me feel awful and remind me of the reason why we should end. and i hate that. i'm fighting so hard to take it off my mind, i hate thinking that we're incompatible, unhappy and that we're just trying to revive this love we have for each other. that love really isn't enough, even for us. so when he got me this bouquet for graduation, i was 95% relieved and 5% kilig because awwwww but more importantly, I WON'T BE TAMPO WHICH MEANS I WON'T HAVE TO HIDE AND HE WON'T HAVE TO GET ANNOYED AT ME BEING UPSET! as i type this all the more i feel bad because it's so clear i shouldn't be with him anymore. it hurts each time it crosses my mind. i really see rikko as the love of my life. and idk why. because he shouldn't be. the love of your life should be someone who makes you laugh, makes you strong but can also let you cry. the love of your life is the one who holds you on your way out of dark times. the love of your life is the one who corrects you in ways that won't make you feel bad, but in ways that make you feel cared for. that he's telling you so out of concern, not because he thinks you're a difficult sick mental person who needs an on-call therapist and an attending nurse. the love of your life should be the person who makes you cry the least.

but he doesn't deserve it also. maybe he's not ready to be in a relationship just yet. and there was no harm in trying. in fact i'm happy he tried because if he hadn't added me on facebook and hit up on instagram, i would have never known what love was like. i would also have never known how fun and exciting it is to be in love. it's so nice actually! to lie down with someone and just know they'll be there when you wake up and even if you do wake up in the middle of the night, you're safe with them. and no matter what you look like in the morning or how loud you snore or how stretched you are in bed, you are loved by this person next to you. and they chose to sleep with you too. to be as vulnerable as you are. and i loved that with rikko. we sleep together, we wake up in between sleep just to look for each other's cheeks, we shower together, we do weird shower dances, we have secret baby things, and a lot more things that you would think from here on meant forever. because these things, how could you ever try them again with someone else? because from where i am right now I HATE THE THOUGHT OF THOSE WITH ANYONE WHO'S NOT RIKKO. but stay with him for what? for what at this point? i'm not God. i'm just an anxious person with daddy issues who has enough money hunger and dreams plus a mom, aunts and 1 friend who loves rikko so much. i can't change him. and i shouldn't.

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avengersassemble-fics · 4 years

Text

What Used to Be

previous part

word count 2.9k

an: this chapter is on the shorter side, but only bc the next part didn’t fit into this portion. but no worries! more to come :) ps- idk if i should include a trigger warning but i will. the ending alludes to possible poisoning or drugging. please read that at your own risk.

part 02/??

This was not going the way he planned.

When the Mandalorian awoke he jolted forward, the orange sunrise gleaming on the ground in the opening. One thing he noticed right away was the dwindling fire and the lack of your presence. He stood quickly in hopes that you had just wandered out into the opening.

He was wrong.

As he made his way back to the ports of Taris, his mind processed all of his options. He wanted to believe that you just left him behind, going on your own way to fend for yourself. All he had to do was make it back to his ship and get off this rock.

But of course he was wrong about that as well.

The path to his ship was relatively clear, the early morning sun was low and he was trying to move swiftly and discreetly. But he always seemed to draw attention to himself, there was no way to avoid that. As he was about to round the corner, he noticed several men waiting outside the bay door where his ship was currently docked. The Mandalorian squeezed himself into a small alleyway, pausing to see if he could hear them speaking.

The alien dialect wasn’t one he knew, and the only familiar words he could make out weren’t in his favor. He looked down the alleyway, noticing it looped around the bay he needed to get into. If he couldn’t go through the front door, maybe he could scale in. With that thought, he started down the dark alley, knowing what he had to do.

Where were you taken?

That was the question that filled his mind. As he carefully climbed the metal wall up into the sky, he grunted as he pulled himself up to the edge. He peered over to see if there were any signs of more of those men in there. His ship he noticed was still closed tight, so at least the bay attendant was prompt with that. Hopefully the Child was alright in there by himself.

There were three men that he could see, one near the entrance of his ship and two more walking around the wall of the bay he was on top of. Best course of action? Get himself in without being noticed, intimidate one to tell him what he needs to know, and get out of here.

But things never seem to go the way he plans.

He carefully had managed to drop down into the shadows, and take one of the men out, strangling him into unconsciousness. He laid his body down behind a storage box, and waited for the next one to circle around, repeating his actions before moving towards his ship.

As he was about to pull the third man to the ground, a blaster was placed beside his head. The Mandalorian paused, standing fully erect and turning to face the person behind the gun. It was one of the Prime Ministers men he saw yesterday.

“The Prime Minister is very unhappy you did not complete the job you were asked to do,” he said. The voice would’ve made the average person's hair stand up on their arms. But not his. He remained cool, letting him continue with his monologue.

Why did people always have a whole monologue prepared for these situations?

“What did she tell you?”

The Mandalorian clenched his fists without even realizing, “That your government is corrupt and deserves to be outed for what it is: money hungry slave drivers who sell their own people for a profit.”

The alien that was once guarding his ship let out an animalistic noise, probably a laugh, as did the man who was speaking. The Mandalorian felt an irritating presence enter his body. His quick movements allowed the Mandalorian to flip his small blaster and shoot the alien, and he used his free arm to disarm the guard, twisting his wrist behind his back. The guard let out a growl as the Mandalorian pulled his arm tighter behind his back.

“What? We don’t find this funny?”

“Screw you, Mando,” the guard let out his pinched lips.

“The girl. Where is she,” he demanded more than asked.

Silence filled the air, which just upset him more. Pulling the guard arm further away there was an audible cracking sound that ripples through the air, along with a pained cry.

“Zygerria! Zygerria!”

The Mandalorian didn’t reply, besides slamming the guards body against his metal ship, letting his now limp body hit the ground (he was probably still alive). Mando stood there for a moment to collect himself.

Zygerria. It was one of the most booming planets along the slave trade routes during the Clone Wars, but he had thought that it had completely dissolved at this point. Maybe it was an underground type of operation. The New Republic had put a ban on slave trades, but obviously that wasn’t stopping the problem. He didn’t like the idea of slaves, he didn’t believe he was any better than any other species.

Except maybe the Hutts, but that’s besides the point.

He stepped over the fallen body and pushed a button on his wrist that began to open his ship door. As the ramp lowered he was met with the image of the Child standing up at the top, ears moving upwards as he saw Mando walking on board.

Zygerria was their next stop.

Gasping, air entered your body as you shot upwards on a hard surface. You blinked, your eyes adjusting to the bright sunlight that filtered into the room. Particles of dust floated through the beams of light filtering into the small room.

Where were you?

That was what you asked yourself as you squinted around the room. You moved so that your feet dangled off the edge of what you were laid on.

You had a bad feeling about this.

The clothes you were in were still dirty, the long skirt ripped slightly at the edges. Your hair felt oily and itchy and skin hot to the touch. Whoever took you out did so quickly you must have hid the ground hard as there was a small cut you could feel on your cheek.

You should’ve just woken up the Mandalorian.

You frowned. You were stuck here and no one knew it. Your uncle truly bested you! That nerf herder.

There was a sound on the other side of the door, and you stood quickly, and the door swung open outwards. There was a woman on the other side, holding a pile of clothes and she walked inside. You noticed a gun holstered on her hip as she stepped inside. She pushed the clothing to your chest and you took it from her. She exited the room as quickly as she had entered. You looked at the clean clothes in your arms and couldn’t resist the urge to get into them. The pants and long sleeve shirt fit you almost perfectly, and the boots they had given you seemed to be the right size too. You were finishing lacing the up when the door opened once again. You stood quickly, and the woman was back. This time though, she was holding cuffs.

You now despised cuffs.

She motioned her fingers for you to give her your arms, and begrudgingly you did. She took your wrists in her hands and locked a clunk of metal around them, entombing your hands completely. You scowled a bit and she paid no mind to it pushing you forwards and into a hallway. You lost your footing for a moment, but regained your composure as another looked on.

What was going to happen?

They led you through a dark passageway. You had no clue where you were headed but the person in front of you did. You followed their lead, trying to see if there was anything familiar to you. But with each turn you grew increasingly disoriented, and finally they stopped in front of a large door. It wasn’t like the one you had just come from, and you noticed them straighten themselves a bit, and the woman latched onto your arm. Before being able to protest, the doors were opened slowly.

It was a large and equally dark room. There were lights flickering around, but they were so low it wasn’t like they did much except add to the ambiance. The woman nearly shoved you inside and you narrowed your eyes. Why was she so aggressive all of a sudden?

“Is that you, (Y/N),” a voice asked from further in the room.

You didn’t recognize the voice, instead you raised a brow, “Who is asking?”

Out of the shadows a smaller more plump man stepped. You had no idea who he was, but you got chills on your arms. He walked closer to you, and had a weird smile on his face.

“My name is Gar Harik, and I’m the man behind all this,” he motioned his arms in the air. You scoffed.

“You’re the one behind this dark and dank hole?”

He frowned as the words left your lips. You didn’t budge though, trying to show that you were strong on the inside. He jerked his head, and the woman abruptly grabbed your arms, and pulled you towards a table.

“Let’s have a little chat shall we?”

At the entrance to the city, the Mandalorian was stomping in. He always garnered attention, but this time felt worse. He felt a sense of nausea set into his stomach as he walked deeper and deeper into the city. He followed the lead of another, keeping his distance but he had picked them out of the crowd when he had arrived. His plan this time was simple, pose as a buyer to get in and try and pull information out of whoever he met. If you were on Zygerria, then he was getting closer to helping you.

Mando paused as the person he was following stopped outside the door, and pushed a button. A door slid up and they entered, only for it to close behind them. Waiting for a few moments, Mando did the same. He walked up to the building and pushed the button, and the door opened. As he stepped inside he was surrounded by darkness. After that thought, flights flickered on around him, and there was a woman waiting in front of him. She was a fighter, he could tell that immediately. Her hand rested against her hip and the other on the holster that held her blaster. She eyed him up and down, but kept a cool gaze.

“What business do you have here, Mando,” she asked.

“I’m looking to buy some help,” he answered just as casually. Her finger rubbed the holster, but she wouldn’t be able to see he noticed that.

“A man of your stature, I know just the one for you,” he nodded her head back deeper into the building, “if you would follow me.”

Mando nodded, and began to follow this woman deeper into the darkness. Silence folded over them, but Mando kept his distance. The woman would occasionally glance over her shoulder, and he kept glancing down at her hand on her holster.

“You said you had one in mind,” he questioned, earning only a nod in response, so he continued, “what if I’m looking for something specific?”

“And what exactly would that be?” She finally threw over her shoulder.

“Human female. Roughly (age), and (height). (Color hair).”

She stopped in her tracks, and so did he. Oh, she knew where you were.

Before he had the chance to unlock her holster, his plaster was pressed into her back, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he warned, and she slowly removed her hand from her hip, “take me there. Now.”

“Fine,” she grumbled, and he pushed his blaster into the crevice of her back. She trudge forward, but taking a turn down another path. He was silent as he stepped along behind her, and after taking another turn there was a door in the distance. It looked unguarded from what he could see, and he noticed her rubbing her fingers together nervously.

He laced his arm around her neck, causing her to gasp for air. He didn’t budge as she struggled until she finally stopped, and he let her hit the ground.

He did not like slaves. Or anyone to do with it.

He hurried down the remainder of the dark hallway, his legs taking him closer and closer to the looming door. As he came to the cross section there was an unsuspecting person there around the corner. Startled by Mando’s sudden appearance, he hesitated which gave him plenty of time to act quickly in knocking him out. Finally looking to the door, he was quick to push the heavy door open, making a loud entrance.

He didn’t really know what to expect. But the dark room didn’t hide what was going on. Here you laid on the floor, body shaking and what appeared to be some kind of liquid spilled everywhere. Whoever else was here was startled by his entrance, but he didn’t really care about that at the moment. His legs rushed him over and he knelt down beside you. You were staring at the ceiling above you, your lips trembling. He could see your eyes were dilated, but even with him being so close you didn’t seem to notice he was there. Carefully he placed his gloved hand on the other side of your cheek and turned you to face him.

“(Y/N)?” He asked quietly.

Your lips trembled slightly, and there was a noise in the room that sounded as if something was knocked over. Quickly Mando took his blaster and shot in the direction of the sound without looking, and a second later a loud thud filled the room. Whoever that was had hit ground dead. Putting his weapon back, he placed his other hand on your cheek.

You were trying to say his name, he could tell by the movements your lips were trying to make. He glanced around before seeing a hypopen nearby, and he reached over you to grab it. He shoved it in a part of his belt and looked back to you.

“I’m gonna get you out of here, okay?” He asked, but you didn’t answer, your eyes seemed to register what he said, and he carefully scooped you into his arms. He tried to get your head to lean onto his shoulder, and he backed out of the room. He would make sure neither of you saw this room again.

Mando had never cared about the people he met. Not really until he had encountered the Child. So for him to be this worried was different for him. He didn’t know where he was going or who could help. When he managed to get you back to his ship, he had set you down on the makeshift bed he then laid on. The Child looked at you curiously, and watched as Mando was fluttering around his ship trying to find something that could possibly help you. He kept throwing glances over his shoulder to check on you. You still trembled so he had thrown a blanket over your body, but your eyes were still glued open. What he was going to have to do was find a medical facility or someone who could tell what was in the hypopen that was used on you.

He walked back over to you and placed his hand back on your cheek. You weren’t shakin anymore, and your eyes darted to him for a moment. He watched as you slowly, finally closed your eyes. He didn’t know what to do at this moment. He removed his hand and glanced around for the Child, and heard the whirring of his engines outside.

“Son of a-“ he mumbled and quickly climbed the stairs into the cockpit. His head peered into the cockpit and his eyes landed on the Child in his seat, flicking buttons. He must have seen him do it before because he was readying the ship to leave. Mando quickly finished up the stairs and grabbed the Child, holding him in his lap as he sat in his pilot chair.

“What are you doing?” He asked calmly, earning a gurgle in response. Mando looked down at his navicomputer and tapped the screen.

“How did you set the coordinates for Dantooine?”

He didn’t expect an answer, but the Child laid its ears down and pointed at the navicomputer. Mando looked from the Child to his navicomputer. The engines still swirled in the background and something in him told him to go there. He didn’t know what the feeling was but he decided to follow it.

He set the Child down in the bassinet he had made next to him and gripped the yoke. He lifted the ship off the ground and flipped some switches so the legs were retracted into the hull of the ship. As they entered the atmosphere, the Child cooed happily, and Mando glanced back at his companion. Playing happily with the ball given to it, Mando looked back to the stars. He didn’t know what was coming, but he knew that they had to act fast. As soon as the ship was cleared from the planet's air space, they were shot into hyperspace.

Their next stop was Dantooine.

tag list

@lillytalebi

#the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian fic #mando #mando x reader #dyn jarren #dyn jarren x reader #din djarin #din djarin x reader

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hopeswriting · 4 years

Text

FANDOM: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

EVENT: Flufftober 2020

PROMPT: Adopting a Pet Together

AUTHOR: @hopeswriting

RATING: G

PAIRING: TYL!Yamamoto/TYL!Hibari

SUMMARY:

Yamamoto brings Hibari to an animal shelter, and hopes it will cheer him up a little.

TAG WARNING: Implied/Reference Animal Death, Implied/Reference Animal Abuse

WORDS: 1415

“Good—good afternoon sirs.” The man takes even less than one look at Hibari and shifts his whole attention on a smiling Yamamoto. Not that Hibari is looking at him. He’s doing this thing where he’s scrutinizing the animal shelter while still definitely looking at him. “What can I help you with?”

“We just want to take a look,” Yamamoto says.

“Oh?” The relief is clear on his face at the prospect of having minimum interactions with them. “What about—” He glances at the stray cat in Hibari’s hands.

“No.” There’s a distinct lack of any emotions in Hibari’s voice, as distinct as the unmistakable shift in the air.

The man tenses even more, which Yamamoto didn’t think possible but he’s used to it by now. People just tend to surpass themselves around Hibari out of an overwhelming desire to not die.

Hissy nuzzles Hibari’s arm, unbothered, apparently already unaffected by the Hibari effect. That’s good, seeing as she’s most definitely coming back home with them.

“Sorry,” the man chokes out. He does meet Hibari’s eye, but maybe he’s just smart enough to not risk having him out of his sight. Not that it would change anything.

“Volunteer?” Hibari asks. Yamamoto glances at the badge pinned on his chest. Oh yeah, he is a volunteer. Poor guy.

“Yes, I’m—”

“How long?”

“Err, a long time?”

“This shelter is not up to standards, Herbivore.”

Yamamoto swallows a laugh at the dumbfounded look that crosses his face. But then it takes on an outraged expression, albeit his voice comes out shakily.

“Well sir, we’re not the ones you should be telling us that. All the employees here are doing the utmost best with the resources they’re given. These animals are cared for and loved and looked after with all of our heart. Of—of course it could be better, but we make a point to make sure they’re not unhappy at all. S-so—”

Hibari subtly straightens his back, and he quiets down. “Is that so?”

The man pales under Hiabri’s preying eyes. He swallows thickly, either subconsciously aware—or worse, very consciously aware of the threat building in the air.

Yamamoto takes pity at the sheer panicked look he gives him.

He steps closer to Hibari, slides his hand down his back to rest at the small of his back. “That’s good to know, sir. Isn’t it, Kyoya?” He brushes their shoulder together, ever so slightly.

“I suppose.” Hibari looks past the volunteer again, effectively dismissing him. “I’ll write you a check.”

“No way, I’ll do it.” Yamamoto swings him around to look at him eye to eye. “Out of my own money. For the animals, and as a proof of my love.” Hibari narrows his eyes, and he gives him his most serious, solemn expression. “Because I love you.”

“Disgusting. You’re lucky I didn’t train her yet.”

Yamamoto laughs when he shoves past him. He falls in steps behind him, hands in his pockets.

“Excuse-me sir? A—a check?”

“Uhm?” He turns back to the man, to the confused look on his face. “Oh yeah, you know, for the good of the animals.”

They’ve seen worse shelters by far. Maybe there are a little too many animals for a not big enough space in this one, but at first glance the place is clean, the cages too, and the animals look in good shape.

They’ll use the money right.

“I don’t know if… I’m allowed to…”

“Ah, I forgot.” He closes the distance, puts a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll come check in regularly, so make sure we’ll leave happy alright?” He smiles, wide and cold. He lowers his voice. “Or we’ll break you.”

Yamamoto goes on his merry way without looking back.

A grin quickly plasters itself on his face, and he devolves even quicker into using his baby voice. He waves at the cats, makes faces at bunnies and hamsters, and talks gibberish at every single one of them.

Barks and growls and meowing lead him to Hibari, crouched in front of a dog’s kennel.

Hissy is doing what she does best in the fifteen minutes Yamamoto knows her, that is hissing on all fours on Hibari’s knee. She’s all puffed out to make herself bigger, but is still nowhere near the dog’s size.

Hibari doesn’t even spare him a glance when he crouches beside him. He’s too busy giving praises and incentives and advice to both Hissy and Twilight, stroking Hissy alongside her back.

It does seem to spur the animals on, and Yamamoto wonders for the umpteenth time if Hibari actually mastered the animal language.

“Twilight too then?”

“We’re not calling her that.”

“And Chocolate too,” he adds, waving at the most adorable, chocolate brown puppy he has ever seen, in the kennel next to Twilight.

Hibari rolls his eyes, as if he wasn’t keeping his eye on the puppy all this time. He sneaks his fingers between the bars to stroke the fighting animals to a cease fire.

There’s a content and peaceful look on his face that warms Yamamoto’s heart, still sad and not a smile yet, but it’s the closer to happiness he’s seen him since weeks. His pants are dirty around his knees from when he knelt on the street until he won Hissy’s trust, and a burst of fondness overtakes him.

“Kiss?”

Hibari tilts his head without looking, and he plants a lingering kiss on his temple. He nuzzles his hair, and when Hibari tilts his head again, kisses his forehead.

They move on, go around the shelter back to the entrance. Yamamoto abruptly turns back before their last turn, and finds himself nose to nose with Hibari.

“You know what,” he laughs, not fooling anyone, “I think I want to see Twilight again.”

Hibari huffs. “I can hear them, I’m not deaf.”

“He was just so cute you know? We should go back the way we came.”

“You will move aside, Kitsune.”

Yamamoto bites his lip, but eventually and reluctantly lets him pass. He doesn’t move from his spot while Hibari strides the birds’ aisle.

This is too soon. Is this too soon? The others said it’d be too soon.

Well, Gokudera and Lambo did. Ryohei and Chrome thought it could help him move on, and Mukuro warned him it could go either way.

Tsuna gave a worrying “maybe”, but he didn’t get a bad feeling and his Hyper Intuition didn’t go off, so Yamamoto thought he could take the shot.

He tries to subtly get a feel of Cloud flames, but the way they snarl at him tells him he wasn’t so subtle.

“Kitsune.”

Yamamoto sighs and makes his way over. “I’m sorry Ky-chan, I’m just—”

“We’ll take this one too.”

The bird is busy eating, a beautiful white dove with black eyes and a black beak, a black collar at the nape of his neck. He doesn’t look anything like Hibird, but maybe that’s for the best.

“Are you sure? Please don’t feel like you have to become better quicker than it feels right because of me. I just—”

“Worry too much for nothing, as usual.”

“It’s not nothing,” Yamamoto says softly. He leans against him, and Hibari doesn’t move away. “Hug?”

There’s a beat of silence before Hibari puts Hissy down. There’s another beat where he strokes the top of her head before he stands back up, straight into Yamamoto’s arms.

He pretends to pull away, clicks his tongue. “Your perfume,” he says with impressive disdain in his voice.

Yamamoto laughs. “I know, I know, I’ll change it back.” He strokes the hair at the base of his neck, breathes in eagerly in their strawberry scent. “You know, Hibird isn’t in bird Heaven because he was your bird, but I’m sure he’s having the best time of his life in bird Hell.”

Hibari huffs a laugh, but then actually chuckles, low and husky at the back of his throat, his shoulders shaking. Yamamoto grins ear to ear, and pulls back to take in his happy face, the gleam in his eyes and the white of his teeth peeking through.

“Obviously, who do you think he was?”

“The best,” he says, bumping their foreheads together. “How should we call this little one?”

Hibari hums, shifting his head to look at the dove. “Blade.”

Yamamoto snorts, holds back his laugh as best he can, that is badly. “Terrible name.”

Hibari shuts him up with a biting kiss, and he’s happy to let him.

BONUS:

This is TYL but in a TYL!Verse where Byakuran isn’t trying to take over the world because, you know, they dealt with that.

Takeshi and Kyoya got together, err, at some point??? Not when they were teens in any case. Somewhere between after high school/reaching adulthood and when they hit 24/26 years old.

They got together because??? Not out of some lingering feelings from when they were teens in any case, of from a sudden realization of how the other is boyfriend material lol.

And Hibari’s type definitely includes “high battle skills” but he’s in it for other things too.

------

Maybe Takeshi was the one he used as intermediary to stay in touch with the other Guardians/Tsuna/the family business because he’s the one he tolerates the most.

Maybe Takeshi was the one Tsuna sent the most in mission with Hibari because he’s the one most successful to deal with Hibari being Hibari without it ending in a fight.

And maybe they learn to actually enjoy each other company instead of just tolerating/putting up with the other. And maybe they start hanging out with the other outside of family business.

And maybe they learn to appreciate the way they balance each other, and the way they make each other better, and the way they can deal with the other at their worst without, like, not allowing the other to be at their worst, you know? (Probably not lol.)

Yeah, something like that, that sounds nice.

------

Anyway, they’re together since a year or two here?

And Hibird died because??? Not some horrible death like a mafiosi wanting to take revenge on Hiabri or something anyway. Idk guys, birds just die sometimes.

So Hibird died and Hibari is sad. And he’s not going on a rampage because he’s 26 and learned how to deal with his emotions like a functioning adult. Well, as much as a functioning adult Hibari can become lol.

He does get more vicious and merciless in his missions. And more cold and with an even shorter patience when dealing with the others Guardians. And demands more alone time too.

And it’s been weeks like that, and Takeshi wants to give him back some happiness. He thinks maybe adopting a new pet would do him some good.

------

The actual, full pet names Hibari uses for Takeshi is Ao Kitsune (Blue Fox), for obvious reasons and also we’re not gonna talk about my poor tastes in pet names.

But only when he feels particularly proud because Takeshi’s messing with someone, or turned on because he’s being particularly serious in a fight, or mad but while still being in a loving mood.

Otherwise Kitsune it is (including in bed, yeah you didn’t ask but now you know lol).

Takeshi calls him Ky-chan, and we’re still not gonna talk about my lack of skills in choosing pet names. Kyoya isn’t much up to public display of affection tho, so it’s only when it’s just the two of them.

And it’s just Kyoya like, 80% of the time anyway because they both prefer it that way.

------

Hibari wants to call the dove Blade because white feathers, sword, Takeshi’s favored weapon, all that. It’s his way of saying thank you and showing how he appreciates what he did, and Takeshi knows it.

They do end up adopting all three animals, and all three names stay. Also no, we’re not going to talk either about how much worse I am at just naming things lmao.

Thank you for reading! Any and all review are appreciated ^^.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr fanfic #flufftober 2020 #adopting a pet together #yamamoto takeshi #hibari kyoya #yamamoto x hibari

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quentinxdelancret · 3 years

Text

Discord Text || Quentin and Cody

Discord text thread featuring: Quentin and Cody @codyhq

When: January 31st

Mentions: @romanbeckett @aaronhart93

Description: Quentin texts cody to ask him for help making and OF account and they end up getting into a deep conversation about his relationship, and relationships in general.

Trigger Warnings: drug mentions, light sex talk, NSFW-ish

Quentin. hey man what’s up?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. not much. are you here to fight because i insulted your boyfriend? because he's the one that broke me. so he deserved it.

Quentin. hahaha no. I’m a lover not a fighter. Unless I have to fight in which case I can tend to get a bit crazy. anyway... I don’t wanna fight lol I just had a question

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i don't fight...i didn't really mean what i said anyways. aaron is..well i guess you know.. yeah sure, ask away.

Quentin. yeah. I do know. He’s... Yeah. uhmm anyway. You have an onlyfans account yeah?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. Yeah, I do. Are you.. a fan?

Quentin. I might be.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. good to know.

Quentin. I was just.. wondering if you uhm... could help me?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. with...what exactly?

Quentin. I kinda wanna make an account. I really need the income and I also kinda wanna keep it secret

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. like you don't want daddy finding out?

Quentin. ha, yeah. Something like that I’m a very sexual person. I just don’t think I could do it they way I should if he or Roman knew

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i guess i understand it. but if they found out... is it worth that?

Quentin. Honestly... Idk lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. I just.. I'm sure he's never talked about me. But I loved him. I mean...i really loved him. Gave him everything. And he didn't want that with me. But with you two... you both got exactly what i wished for.

Quentin. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t say it’s as easy as you make it all sound though

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. and you need an escape? an outlet?

Quentin. I don’t know what I need I’m just, it’s complicated.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. okay. so you...use an alias. you don't show your face. but your tattoos... how far are you willing to go to keep it a secret?

Quentin. The thing is, I don’t think that they would really care. It’s just, me.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. why do you not want them to know?

Quentin. because I don’t want them to think I’d be okay with it if they did it? lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. oh. tricky.

Quentin. Idk it’s probably a bad idea. Everyone wants Aaron and Roman is staying with the guy who is in love with him. I just... I crave validation I guess

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. ...you have two boyfriends and you aren't feeling validated? that...sucks.

Quentin. like I said, it’s complicated. I just don’t feel worthy. Nvm

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i get it. i often feel that way. i've dated a lot of different people. i'll help.

Quentin. you will?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. yeah. i will.

Quentin. thank you

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. on one condition.

Quentin. uh oh.. what’s the condition?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. aaron can never know i helped you.

Quentin. well, that shouldn’t be a problem since I don’t want him to know anything

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. good. first you need an alias. the rest is...i mean look at you, it'll be easy.

Quentin. that’s sweet

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. please as f you don't know.

Quentin. I know other people feel that way. Just wish I could see it

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. fuck. you're fucking gorgeous.

Quentin. thank you. so are you. now stop making me wanna kiss you lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i can't help that i'm so adorable. you'll just have to deal with that.

Quentin. hahaha fair enough I just wanna kiss everybody. It’s a real issue

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i just fall in love with everybody. and no one falls in love with me.

Quentin. wow, why not? I would.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i'm..a lot.

Quentin. you and me both apparently

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. I guess that's why it takes two guys to corral you? i've always thought that might be the missing piece for me.

Quentin. I guess so. I just fell in love with them both and couldn’t choose it was hell until it wasn’t

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i dated a married couple once. it was..amazing.

Quentin. I bet! Although dating two does come with its struggles you are always having to choose who to be with or when. Or wonder if you are giving more to one than the other and on top of that. You’re so clingy and it’s just a mess

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. I suppose. my situation was different. they moved me in. i was like...their baby. until the real baby came around at least.

Quentin. that sounds nice. I love being baby. But when real babies come along it does make it more complicated

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. infinitely. but i knew that from the start. still, if you're unhappy...

Quentin. I’m not unhappy. I’m just, struggling to keep a happy medium a lot of the time

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. yeah, that's why god invented anxiety pills.

Quentin. hahaha yeah I was popping molly every day like tic tacs until Aaron asked me to stop now I’m just... idek

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. that's rough. i have prescriptions for...everything if you need a hook up.

Quentin. I’ll get back to you on that.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. well in the meantime make a list of things you will and will not do on your OF

Quentin. I don’t really have a won’t do list

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. you're going to be popular.

Quentin. I’ve done pretty much everything when I was an escort sooo might as well go hard

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. will you only do solo stuff?

Quentin. considering I have two boyfriends that would probably be ideal.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. well then there's your list.

Quentin. Jesus, now you got me thinking about getting sucked off on camera lmao I have real issues lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. it's just a job. i'd offer but...i won't.

Quentin. yeah, it’s probably best you don’t I don’t wanna end up hating my life for a few good moments of loving it

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. not worth losing everything over a bj

Quentin. exactly! I could ask Roman though lol I don’t think he would be willing but I could ask lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. it's hard. a lot of partners don't like the OF job.

Quentin. yeah, jealousy is a real bitch I would know cause I’m def the jealous type lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i actually kinda like when my partner is jealous

Quentin. me too, but I don’t get that often.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i just..shows they care

Quentin. I’m the green monster of this relationship for sure

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i get it though. i've been the guy dating aaron before.

Quentin. yeah you know what the real kicker is?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. it's like...everyone thinks they own a piece of him. but he's yours. he's only yours and you shouldn't have to feel like he's everyone elses.

Quentin. yes that! and it’s hard to believe if someone actually loves you and means it when they are saying the same things to someone else as well. I struggle with that myself. Like, I always feel like I’m being naughty lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. but the heart is capable of so much love.

Quentin. yes, yes it is.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i really think it's possible to fully love two people at once. i know i could.

Quentin. yeah, I know I do! But it’s still something I’m getting used to I guess. It’s so different then what I ever imagined

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. it's not all threesomes lol been there. couldn't imagine sharing aaron though. maybe that's why he thought i was too much.

Quentin. I didn’t wanna share either ngl but, it’s harder when it’s Roman. Idk if it’s because we were best friends first? But god, I’d break fingers over him. Well, Aaron too. But yeah lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. you love them both

Quentin. I just wanna give them everything and if they want each other than who am I to stop them?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. but they're with you. they want you. isn't that amazing? you're so lucky.

Quentin. I am lucky. I just wish I’d stop feeling like they want me to have each other

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. have you...expressed that to them?

Quentin. kinda. They think I’m crazy and that it’s all in my head. Which I guess they aren’t wrong

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. right. but have they put you at ease? because your feelings are natural and valid.

Quentin. idk, I guess not since I still feel it. lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i think you just need more boyfriend kisses

Quentin. lmao I always need that

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i haven't had boyfriend kisses in so long

Quentin. I should hook you up with someone. But idk who lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. I have a few...friendships on the go. for the first time in a long time i'm not trying to force myself into anything.

Quentin. that’s good though. it’s always better when it just happens

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. yeah. i'm just a little bit like a lost puppy when i'm single.

Quentin. well, if it helps at all. I don’t think you’ll stay that way very long

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. here's hoping i don't need to be flirting with daddy's boyfriend.

Quentin. hahahaha well, since you are calling him daddy. I don’t see the harm in it at least you care enough to include me

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. yeah, i got used to calling him that. he never really was 'aaron' to me. but you seem good for him.

Quentin. yeah.. well, thank you.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i hope this helps you find what you're missing. it's helped me a lot.

Quentin. I’m glad. It’s help me as well.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. just get ready for some weird requests on OF

Quentin. I’m always ready for those lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. you seem like the type to be down for anything.

Quentin. I am indeed! I guess you can say I’m a people pleaser

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. yeah me too.

#chats:cody #chats:discord #texts.#text.#ft.cody #ft.aaron #ft.roman

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shy-magpie · 4 years

Text

RQG 152

Poor Alex, there was no way to know and changing the story would be more of a breach of the implied contract than going forward. Plus side this warning implies we'll get more info on how the biology of the infection works before RSB actually explodes. To be clear I am all for warnings, I just imagine this was one heck of an awkward position for Alex & co to find themselves in. Well one would think they wanted to get through the intros as fast as physically possible! Seriously bless em for sticking with the structure instead of saying screw it and diving right in. Must be frustrating but it really helps me get in the right space to listen. Yeah it was a bit of an altruism run. That Ben physically ill at the prospect of characters talking? Yuck it up, I was specifically promised three (3) distinct topics would be addressed including both coping mechanisms and back stories. Poor Azu. If someone doesn't hold her while she has a proper cry I will be an unhappy Magpie. Are the new kids going to be invited to the conversations that are totally for sure not going to be put off for a month? Retcon: Barnes and Carter actually fought well it. I guess they were just down to the tricky ones. Theatrical much? Cel is great, have I said that enough? Well obviously not it should be declared at least hourly: "2 o' clock and Cel is great". But right after last episode instead of backing down (and IDK implying Wilde told the new kids their pronouns), Cel is immediately introducing themself with them and emphasizing their importance. Hamid right in there with the leadership, telling the duo that the party needs to go into isolation. I know having Zolf around must have took some weight off his shoulders but the man has grown since season one or even since Prague. He didn't lose that just because he cheers up when not solely responsible for leading the party. Note there is a messy negotiation with Zolf about who is in charge coming up and it is a mark of my trust in this show that I'm not dreading it. Am curious if it will be explicit enough for the white picket fence kids to pick up on, I know I have a thing about rank but some people seem to miss that aspect entirely. OK point Zolf but even with his charisma score there has to be a better way to put it than "do that and you are responsible for infecting Jasper and the village". Wow I guess that is the case isn't it. Thank you leader!Hamid coming in again. Getting Cel the kind of updates on home Hamid was denied in quarantine is fairly low risk for great gains in Cel's comfort with the whole thing. Point of clarity: as much as I hate to admit it, once the quarantine began they couldn't really keep Hamid in the loop since Ishaq was in the care of the Harlequins. Its been implied even without simply escaping an infected person could have means of communication that work in am anti magic cell. The village however is public info. Zolf, I want that again in small words! Are we talking black death or infrastructure problems? Because a few targeted infections could take out the government but not directly kill the citizens. Cel is doing the forced cheer again. What the hell have they been through that they default to words of affirmation for gory violence? Like most characters acknowledge the gore or that it was helpful, not both. Barnes is more reserved outside of the fight. Issues? Trauma? Oh Helen spelling it out, he's my type, crap. "Emotionally unavailable pirate" is a lot of people's type TBF. No wonder I made a warding gesture on hearing Zolf's description and didn't warm up till Dover. These characters wear the red flag as a cape and I'm surprised when my heart gets broken every time. Eh Zolf came back and is doing well enough, maybe Barnes will turn out to just not be chatty vs heart rending. And Hamid in there with the initiative casting Detect Magic so they don't have to face all the risks implied with not checking over the bodies. Barnes and Carter are glowing "like a fireworks factory where things have gone wrong". Only Water Breathing on the mooks. Speaking of emotionally unavailable pirates, Zolf sounds resigned as hell. I know he's working on it but the situation would depress anyone and he's been having a time of it, what with the puzzles and all. Shutting down isn't actually coping better than being shouty just more convenient. Have I already mentioned I want someone to comfort Azu on screen so she can put herself first for once? Remember how bright she shone in Cairo? If she doesn't process soon she's going to echo Zolf's arc. Carter is trying to looking at the bright side. Thank you Ben and Alex, not only a mood lightener but one that reminds us that Zolf asks direct questions now. And Zolf just moved as clearly as possible to protect Azu after Carter lashed out in response to her. I know they have a ways to get to where Grizzop & Azu were but I think they are at least proper team mates. Maybe having Zolf on this side of the bars this time will ease anything Azu is carrying from their introduction. Cel is a delight. Did they just suggest hamster balls? I love how Alex jokes about his own set design. Ah there is Ben's Minecraft joke. I think that's what you call environmental story telling. I love the mental image of them making their entrance crashing the mine cart into the ambush, like half way between a roller-coaster and sledding. Ah its been so long Zolf can't apply his memories of mining. They are officially out! Azu and Zolf are finally breathing right. Hey Zolf broke the weather machine! Cel takes a look see. Plumes of smoke from Shoin's? Wreckage from all the storms. Zolf joins Cel and USES HIS WORDS! I am so proud of him. Like not kidding learning to proactively offer praise & comfort instead of only offering concrete assistance in reaction is a huge step. Oh Cel! Getting yourself killed fighting alone would not have been better than defending your patch. And Zolf is right there, god remember Paris? Remember Prague? Now look at him. And there is the reality check. Not as jarring as it could have been. Azu is face down on the ground near Hamid! No more putting on her game face and slogging through it! Yes, process all you need darlin, no reason to rush. Hamid checks in! Azu takes his hand and explicitly talks about how scary it was when he was missing. Hamid talks about putting on a brave face for Skraak! RQG really just said "we're giving the fandom everything they want" in an episode recorded before we had a chance to ask. Azu checks in with Hamid! Oh Hamid its ok not to be ok. Oh hat Azu! Hamid call your family 18mumble is a go! Alex I will scream if he gets another delaying tactic. Cross your fingers we might get Ishaq and Saira! Azu assures him it would OK. Timing Zolf Horses! Topaz! Barnes: right Well that's a fair reaction to a celestial camel, he doesn't even know what the T stands for. Azu hugs Topaz Thank you Alex for making judgmental celestial camel canon. How GMs don't all go insane with power from the moment it hits they can rewrite their world on a whim is beyond me. A Shetland for Hamid, a standard sounding horse for Cel, a cart horse for Azu, and another Shetland for Zolf. Carter can't get the question out before Zolf shuts him down. He is sticking to his word to Skraak, the island belongs to the Kobolds. Hamid calls en route! Bryn remembers to roll for it! Ishaq is a great kid, such a good sign he sounds like a kid too. Yes the kids are all together in the country house! Dad is at a redacted location, thank you Alex! Mom is alright! Saira is busy and the biggest problem with Ismail is that he is now taller than Ishaq! Ismail is good at magic too. Family bonding time. Einstein is working. Emeka & Veseek are helping things. Ed is with the family. Zolf is not happy about the call. Fair Zolf but none of us are regretting that call. Eh it being a one time thing is fair. Have I mentioned I like how Hamid & Zolf bicker? Its not like with Grizzop. They assume good faith and argue about the issue not score points. Part of why I shipped them in the beginning honestly: charismatic as Hamid is he probably impressioned like a duck on the first person to care more about what he was saying than how he said it. They joke about how hard nonverbal shots are in a podcast. Yes Alex we really do respect your craft. Might have been reassuring Ben. Helen is on the audience's side as always and tells him to pay up on the promised coping mechanisms talk. And Alex makes them roll a perception check. Do not talk block. Carter has been trying to eavesdrop. Azu tells him he isn't invited and Zolf tosses something at his head. Carter slinks back off. Zolf is still not good with words but he is resisting the urge to take it back. That counts damn it! Azu: your not good at talking for someone who says we need to talk. Yes Azu, and thats what makes it special. He is willing to put himself out there and do things he is bad at for the sake of the team. I like how Helen plays Azu getting over her issues with Zolf rather than just leaping to "Hamid vouched for you so we're besties". I need a clip of this, Zolf is offering to listen and be there while respecting boundaries and citing his own experience. Helen is great, Azu jumps right into the 18 months by asking about his relationship with Poseidon. Which again makes sense, as Azu is still working on "we met after you drugged, trapped, and imprisoned me". Which I get but seriously couldn't it have been in the stew or something? Drugging a woman's drink has connotations. Azu backstory(ish) oh thank Alex her cult is still doing the good work. Zolf tells Azu this, and offers her an out? Hamid & Zolf offer reassurance. Yes Hamid specifically tells her it isn't her fault. Zolf assures her that she isn't responsible for Sasha's decisions. Cel and Carter are chatting about what they've seen on the island. Barnes tells them to keep the volume down and does Zolf's thing of bouncing something off Carter's head when he's loud again. Hamid moves to check in with Cel. Cel calls him on it. Hamid asks what Cel plans to do after quarantine! Thank you Bryn! Cel doesn't know, ow. Cel feels obligated to be more proactive. Hamid reassures and points out that they were able to do it as a team so its not on Cel for not acting alone. Cel what is your backstory, afraid of being the monster. Thank you, I could wrap myself in this episode like a blanket. Cel how do you know that about being friends with mercs? Hamid would do it again but wants them to have a choice. Cel: When I call you little buddy I m not referring to the size of your heart. And that was veering saccharine so Ben swoops in with the Harrison Campbell joke. Do not make me get into why Hamid might be using snobbery as a cover for continuing to care more about what people might think than what he wants. Its a cheap shot for what could equally be he's that age and still has some flaws to work through. Thank you Alex for being realistic about horse pace without turning it into a word problem. Wilde! Cel points out the inn keeper could be infected, the boys explain the system of watching one another. Zolf is not letting Wilde get cute with his team again. Wilde wants them "fully supervised" in the bath. I feared that Alex, Wilde turned himself off again. Zolf calls him on it, kinda. They skim past the bath, thank you that could have been problematic. Thank goodness they are leaving the cell door open but locking the trap door. The new kids are in quarantine with them. Fair, going to be fun, but fair.

#live blog thingy #Rusty Quill Gaming #RQG spoilers #RQG season 4 #RQG 152 #long post

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judehayward · 4 years

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lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… this depressed goblin bastard is honestly my fav male muse like i dnt typically stick w male muses tht long i struggle bt................. i’ve played him the longest of them all n always seem to return to him. jst cnt stay away. way 2 attached to this absurd little man. it’s nai btw!!!! (josefine on the main). launches right in to jude’s intro without further adieu..... (u can also find his playlist here) 🧙‍🎨

「douglas booth & cis-male」⇾ hayward , jude, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 23 years old. he is studying ART, living in moris and can be protective, laidback, nonsensical & apathetic. when i see him i am reminded of wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects, lead marbles instead of eyes. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

he pinterest:

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t fully Bad bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. pretty absent n irresponsible. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they properly knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care the way parents shd. they lost his birth certificate n dnt remember what they put as his middle name so he’s jst kind of like hmmmm............. n gives himself a diff one every time ppl ask. past variations hv included: jude pauly hayward, jude maureen hayward, jude van winkle hayward. says all of these w a very straight face

despite this he does hv some nice memories w them. usually he definitely sees them fr holidays. frm being rly young their christmas tradition hs been to get a bunch of chinese food like a Banquet Feast n spend all day smoking n drinking into the early hours. perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible bt 😔 jude rly likes it it’s kind of the one time of yr he feels he has a proper family

they r both suuuuper into the arts. rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in sheffield n san fran

(trauma tw) as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws being responsible n looking after someone. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed bt he also??? has some gd ones..... it was a strange environment bt he’s a survivor

(death n grief tw) he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 4 months ago nw............ just some fun lore fr u all

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing he’s jst going fking wild on the keys in a trance...... i mean he’s gd bt… chill

he’s rly sarcastic n so deadpan like he’ll say smthn completely ridiculous bt he’ll say it w his whole chest so sincere.... it’s rly hard to tell when he’s joking or serious honestly. has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably secretly draw them. does NOT share these drawings w the person he hates being openly sentimental. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women like tht energy...........

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps idk how he’s Alive straight up. please go to bed sir............. he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at radcliffe doing art, focusing on fine art like painting is............... the thing he luvs most...... his style is kind of.......... taking normal things n painting w surreal colours.... he likes A LOT of colour in his paintings which is kind of a stark contrast to his personality bc his world’s so.... washed out n grey............ lovs art n philosophy n literature n photography n music....

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets in plaid pj bottoms n dr martens eating frm a cereal box without care in the world. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a laidback time....... doesn’t rly like when ppl take themselves too seriously........ likes strange ppl thinks the world is mde richer by them n likes when ppl can jst bounce back jokes at him without being like erm. u dont make sense mate. bc frankly he can come up w some strange stuff sometimes.............. talking to him cn b like navigating a dark n bendy road without a flashlight.......

(drugs tw) once did shrooms n woke up naked in the woods curled up in a pile of leaves. to this day he recounts this as his werewolf transformation. hs no idea hw he ended up there n when ppl r like are u not. concerned jude. tht is so strange? he jst shrugs like.............. dunno....................... suppose i’m jst a werewolf upon occasion. so casual abt it. jst truly does Not care abt most things at all..... almost to the point tht it’s concerning (sometimes way past the point tht it’s concerning too :/)

this is the desc on an aesthetic i mde of his style once n sums it up well!! ‘additionally: too many pairs of trousers, a hideous amount of white t-shirts all somewhat stained with charcoal, a jumper so thinly knit it almost looks sheer, chipped teale nail varnish, a cream corduroy jacket with a cigarette hole singed onto the cuff, vintage wiry reading glasses he almost never wears, a freshly rolled cigarette behind his ear, a thrifted t-shirt with a warped bart simpson wearing a stethoscope with the caption ‘bard knwos cardiology’ and two crops hacked that way with kitchen scissors that he sometimes wears to paint.‘

EXPERT at rolling spliffs like jst. mkes them so precise n neat....... it’s his super power. his fav thing to smoke frm is banana flavour papers.................... linking 2 this he’s like. bad w emotions bt he does try..... once his friend (maggie) ws sad so he brought her a spliff wrapped in grape flavoured paper bc it’s her fav fruit n jst like. wordlessly gave it to her. it’s the thought tht counts.....

PLOTS!!!!!

plays bass in a band which cld b a fun connection to get together??? i picture the music being like surf rock type like........... mac demarco...... bt he also luvs elliott smith n glass animals n the cure n metronomy n neutral milk hotel n talking heads n radiohead n mazzy star n wolf alice...................... idk jst like.... within tht ballpark i suppose i imagine it being................

mayb ppl he shares classes w?????? i’d like someone tht does a similar course n they hang out tgether when it comes to trips fr the module to museums or exhibits or wtever................ they both stand in front of paintings analysing it rly wrong n saying stuff like hmmmmmmmmm....... i do declare i see a, uh..... large phallus protruding from the centre of this image...... moves something in me.......... n some elderly person looking at it besides them is like Ergh. sickened n disgraced. leaves w a brow severely furrowed

someone he smokes w on the moris rooftop late at night when he cnt sleep??? mayb they’re up n cnt sleep either fr whtever reason n it’s become an unspoken kind of ritual where they always clamber out n find each other there n jst wordlessly keep them company

jude is kind of like. protective almost to a fault sometimes........... mayb some guy he’s punched......................... if they hurt someone he cares abt........... typically it wld hv been a girl he ws kind of like. affected by his first relationship bc she had a bad home situation n ever since jst wnts..... to Protect it’s kind of like an automatic instinct ingrained in him nw 😔 all sounds very noble n well bt sometimes it cn b a bit of an escalation i wnt lie

perhaps a few hook-ups??? jude doesn’t tend to sleep w ppl he rly knows bc he just..... likes it to b an impersonal thing doesn’t like getting attached fr various reasons so mayb they only kno each other via this OR mayb he bent his rules a bit..... cld either work seamlessly or hv added drama if one side hs mre feelings or whtever

currently living in moris w 2 roommates bt i’d love some neighbours perhaps..... mayb someone tht lives directly nxt door to his room n is like ://// bc he plays music loud n weeds always drifting frm his window n mking their room smell if theirs is open too................. or mayb they get on..... mayb there’s a rly mean seagull tht lands on a branch n poos on pedestrians n they both commentate on it frm their windows like david attenborough...... they’re like he’s at it again. they’ve named him n everything

HONESTLY anything if u have an idea hmu i’d love 2 hear it.......... rubs my hands tgether in excitement to plot up a storm w u all

#ruhqintro #depression tw #death tw #grief tw #neglect tw #trauma tw #drugs tw

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