#idk i love to think of their moms being a very easy subject to connect through i think it's easier for them that way to be more vulnerablei

[beybuniki]

they should go on a fishing trip pt.1

[ghostlynimbus]

This is long and ramble and I'm still sick idk how coherent it is.

I keep seeing fandom wank revolving around people comparing Jonathan and Billy and

Like. Obv I disagree with the people that are arguing that Billy is bad bc Jonathan also has a shitty dad and he doesn't abuse Will.

But I also Very Strongly disagree with the arguments I've seen against the above argument that basically boil down to it's not comparable bc Joyce kicked Lonnie out.

This is because of a variety of reasons, including but not limited to

- I think comparisons between Jonathan and Billy are great, and can be a valuable part of character/media analysis.

- Though Lonnie is out of the picture and that is a key difference between Jonathan and Billy, Jonathan is still (as of s4) actively being abused (and in a way very much comparable to Billy's abuse).

One of the key differences between Jonathan and Billy as abuse victims (imo) isn't a difference between Neil and Lonnie. It's not even a difference between Billy's mom and Joyce, or Joyce and Neil.

The difference isn't that Jonathan has people/friends and Billy doesn't (it is repeatedly established that Jonathan doesn't have friends).

A very key difference between Jonathan and Billy as abuse victims, that imo is often not given the weight in these discussions that I think it deserves,

Is a difference between Will and Max.

Will and Max are objects in Jonathan and Billy's abuse.

If Neil could have made Billy love Max to the point that he'd be willing to give up his future to continue taking care of her, I think he would have.

If Joyce had brought another kid in to the house, and accepted that kid as her own, I don't think she would have ever considered Jonathan's feelings on the subject or even consulted him at all before just expecting him to start co-parenting that kid the way she expects with Will (in fact, it kind of seems like that's what happened with El).

It isn't easy to love someone who was used as a tool in your abuse. It's not easy to let go of the resentment for the wrongs you have suffered because of them, even if you know that they are not at fault.

Jonathan and Will had some sort of relationship before/beyond the one forced on to them by Jonathan's abuse.

Billy and Max do not.

Both Billy and Jonathan lash out at people as a result of their situations. Jonathan just doesn't lash out at Will in that way. Billy isn't a worse person for not having as deep of a connection to max as Jonathan has with will.

Jonathan isn't better than Billy just because he's accepted the abuse that Billy died angry about.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #420

lol blaze it (i’m funny i swear)

In your opinion, which fast food place has the best fries? Without a doubt, Bojangle's. Good. Shit. Are there hurricanes where you live? Yeah, they're common here. What do you hate the most about yourself? I'd really rather not get into this right about now. What song are you listening to right now? "Beast of Gévaudan" by Powerwolf. What was your first concert? Alice Cooper. Also my only concert. What’s your favorite Johnny Depp movie? Alice In Wonderland. Who did you last say “I love you” to? My sister. Do you like pumpkin pie? Anything pumpkin-flavored is a hell no from me. Do you know anyone named Austin? Knew, rather. Do you know anyone who is having a baby? My friend recently announced she and her husband are having their second child in December. What was the last thing you cried about? Just PTSD. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? I like both, but I prefer chocolate. Do you think you are an argumentative person? Definitely not. How many deep dark secrets do you have? Two or so, idk. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings at Buffalo Wild Wings with one of the hottest sauces. Wanted to die. ... Yet I continued to get that one whenever I went for years lmao. Who last called you sexy? I don't know. Would you class yourself as a good role model? In some ways, but in a lot of other ways, no. Are you scared of the dark? No. Do you have a motto? No. Who did you last see on webcam? The doctor that overlooks my TMS progress. Do you need a haircut? I need a trim for sure. How would you react if your mother told you that she was pregnant again? Well, considering 1.) she's way past menopause and especially 2.) she's had a complete hysterectomy, y'know... that's kind of impossible. She also hasn't been with a guy in many years, so she would have to be joking. You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? -___- Would you rather exercise alone or with other people? ALONE. You will NOT see me exercise in front of other people. What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? The most involved is DEFINITELY World of Warcraft, and I guess you could consider it the hardest too, given some of the much more difficult things I've done in it. It itself isn't a hard game whatsoever, but you can pursue some really hard achievements. Ever watch the show Supernatural? If you have, then what’s your favorite episode? I used to love it, but just stopped watching eventually. My fave episode... Man, it's been too long to remember many. Probably one of the funnier ones. I remember I specifically liked the bit where they were in your everyday comedy show, as well as the one where I THINK Dean kept trying to prevent Sam from dying. I just remember the "Eye of the Tiger" bit that is pure gold. Ever heard of flavored honey? If so, what’s you’re favorite flavor? Oh, no, but that sounds good. Do you remember what your favorite show was when you were little? Yeah, Pokemon. Do you put anything besides cheese on grilled cheese sandwiches? Besides butter, which I think is pretty standard, no. When it comes to books, what do you think is the “perfect” amount of pages? Uh, I dunno. It depends on the book. I don't really care about page numbers. Would you ever be interested in going scuba diving? Yeah. Out of all of your friends/relatives, who would you say has the best vocabulary? Girt, probably. Are any of your fingers or toes deformed? What about the nails? I don't think so? When is the last time you cried? I was sobbing earlier today, fun stuff. Would you ever date somebody that has been divorced more than once? Most likely not. ESPECIALLY at my age. What are some stereotypically nerdy things that you like? Oh god. WoW, M:tG, big glasses, anime (does that count? idk really), video games... a lot of stuff, really. Have you ever attended a wedding that ended where the bride and groom didn’t actually get married? What happened? Y I K E S, no. That would be SO uncomf. What scares you the most about becoming a mother (hypothetically, if you don’t want to have children)? Actually raising it properly, physically and emotionally. Would you ever want a job in fashion? What would you enjoy about that type of job? No. Would you ever be a surrogate mother? No. What do you think would be the best and worst parts about being a twin? It'd be cool to have someone you feel an almost supernatural connection towards, but I'd also feel like I wasn't as "original" as I would be if I was born alone. Do you feel that your childhood was more rough compared to others around you? I mean it wasn't awful at all, but sure, in some ways compared to at least someone. How would you react if you found out today that you were actually adopted? Well today I'm a wreck, so don't tell me. I want to know that I wasn't lied to for 25 years. Have either of your parents ever cheated on one another before, that you know of? How would you react if you found out today that one of them cheated? I'm not entirely clear on this, but I'm 90% sure Dad cheated on Mom with his now-wife. Dad also accused Mom of cheating, but I HIGHLY doubt that's true. Do you like cleaning and organizing? Not really. How would you react if you found out you were infertile? If you don’t plan on having kids to begin with, what is a long-term goal you’d be crushed to find out was impossible to achieve? Fuck having kids. I'd be a terrible mother. So to answer the other question, I'll be pretty, pretty sad if I can't get permission to spread Teddy's ashes at Yellowstone. Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? Well, obviously not considering my dream job is a meerkat biologist, and I'm not moving to Africa. Have you ever been robbed? No. Is anyone close to you an alcoholic? Not anymore. Dad was, but he's recovered. Have you ever dumped anyone? Yes. What kind of tea do you drink? I hate tea. Do you know anyone in a gang? No, and I hope I never do. What’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? Risk his fucking sanity and health to try to hold my fucked up self up. What is your orientation? Gay? Straight? Metrosexual? Anything other? Bisexual. I've kinda been questioning pansexual of the late, though. I don't know. Have you ever done anything really dangerous or illegal with friends? Not to my memory. Name three feelings you’re feeling right now: Regret. Hopelessness. Loneliness. And the reasons for these feelings? Take a wild fuckin' guess. How do you feel about your life right now? It's an actual dumpster fire. Is it easy for you to like yourself? Why or why not? Fuck no. Because there's just not very much TO like about me. Even on my good days, I see flaw after flaw in myself. What subjects come naturally to you? English, some aspects of science. What subjects do not? Math, economics, politics, history... Do you read more fiction or more non-fiction books? Definitely fiction. When I read a book, I want an escape from the real world. How has today been for you? BOY HOWDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What did you do? Went to TMS therapy. Sat on the Internet. Cried. :^) Are there any candles lit in the room you’re in? No. Are there any lava lamps near you? No. I want one, though. Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats. Are any of your friends a pothead? Yes. What’s a goal you’re trying to accomplish soon? Start losing weight again. That'd be pretty goddamn grand. Are you a high maintenance person? Definitely not. The last time you yelled as loud as you could, what was the reason? I was having a nightmare. Have you ever been heartbroken? For sure. Who did that to you? First Dad, then Jason. Did you go through an ugly stage as a kid? Boy, did I. The last type of sandwich you made or ate: A pb&j. The last time you spent most of the day in bed: Literally every day. I do just about everything in bed. Pathetic, I know. The last friend or acquaintance you made: Ummmm idk. The last thing you took pictures of: A hydrangea bush. The last time you were scared: Now. The future is terrifying, my friend. The last thing you looked up online: The definition of a word to ensure I was using it correctly. The last thing you disagreed with: So I've been watching John Wolfe's old stream of him playing Alice: Madness Returns, and he went on a total soapbox about smoking being okay essentially because we're all gonna die eventually from something, and I really disagreed with it. Does your house have a separate laundry room? No, just like a closet. Do your parents still help you financially? I'm still entirely dependent on them. Does your car have a backup camera? No. Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever had a pet that lived to be really old for its breed/species? REALLY old, no. Teddy was definitely up there, but beagles have lived longer. What was the last strong scent you smelled? Lysol. Have you ever told someone to their face that they were ugly? Christ, no. Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No. Have you ever been attracted to someone’s parent? Don't think so? Have you ever pole danced before? No. Have you ever broken into someone’s house? No. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yes. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? I dunno. Have you ever taken a woodshop class? No. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? Funny you ask, because as of today I decided to take a break from it for awhile. I've found it's nothing more than a breeding ground for envy and making me feel like a horribly incompetent adult. Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? I had one photography teacher in college that I was NOT a fan of. He was super, super hard on everyone, like to an unnecessary degree. We were students, not pros. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? No. Are your parents supportive of you? Somehow.

[sgnjoowon]

hey hey everyone! this is my first time in seongnam and i’m super excited to be here. it’s kind of late for me, but i wanted to throw up an intro for my boi before i head to bed, so here we are! this is noh joowon, twenty two year old junior. he’s an animation major and a pretty popular BL webtoon author, but that last part is a ~*secret*~. he’s pretty loud and outspoken and often times annoying but he’s a... well... not good boy but a fun boy? anyway! i have his ABOUT, BACKGROUND, and PLOTS pages up if you’d like to take a look, but i’ll drop some info and wanted connections under the cut! and if you’d like to plot, please hit like on this post and i’ll pop into your ims, or you can reach me on TWITTER if you’d prefer to plot there! ♥️

QUICK FACTS !

so tl;dr - 22, a junior, majoring in animation with a minor in art. wanted to do things the other way around but he fucked up his registration forms and went with it

is also a pretty popular BL webtoon author under the pen name byungari (you can find more info about his webtoons here). only a handful of people know about this... it’s a Big Secret, he’ll have to end you if you find out

basically, entered a webtoon contest online in freshman year - didn’t win, but the company asked him for a story outline and quickly sent a contract over for a serialized webtoon to be published online. it did well, and then he got a contract for another one which was also well received/ranked

long story short, he just recently started publishing webtoon #3 which takes some heavy inspiration from the seongnam campus, so you’ll probably see familiar landmarks and faces if you follow it closely... honestly, he’s not all that subtle

anyway! he has a makeshift studio in the student centre and an assistant to help out with meeting deadlines and such. even then most days he barely submits his work on time and he’s always drawing in class instead of paying attention

considered a campus cryptid because he barely attends class and yet manages to pass most things... actually he’s there, just tucked in the back napping or quietly taking notes. he doesn’t participate much unless whatever’s going on is ‘interesting’

it’s just weird because he’s v. loud and opinionated otherwise - will get into debates right in the middle of class when it’s a subject he’s passionate (and right) about. some of his classmates are just straight up scared of getting into it with him

part of the art club (nominally; he joined because he felt obligated to but he doesn’t participate much), the cooking club (kinda; he’s just there for the food and also never like... ‘officially’ joined), and the paranormal club (this one’s legit. he loves paranormal stuff)

is the baby of his family; has 2 older siblings but they have a significant age gap with him so they were never close while growing up. they’re both like... very academically aligned with ~respectable careers~ (professor and doctor) so sometimes joowon feels like the odd one out with his focus on animation/art

his parents are divorced - dad has a whole other family that joowon has complicated feelings about!! he doesn’t like to think on it too much. was raised primarily by his mom while his dad really just pays for his education and stuff. compared to most kids from divorced homes he feels like he’s pretty well adjusted

his family isn’t super elite or wealthy, but they’re probably like... very comfortable but also very well connected with people who are considered elite (dad’s a lawyer and mom is the chairman/director of a elite private academy)

incidentally, went to that private academy before attending seongnam. it was very academics focused even though joowon was... not. but his parents are like whelp we did it right with the first two kids so it’s okay if kid #3 is into art and shit as long as he graduates from a good uni! hence him being at seongnam

really, his post graduation plans are just ‘i am going to make more webtoons and then maybe work in animation’ and he’s pretty happy with that

he’s very... hm... very blunt and straightforward in most of his dealings with people. super loud and confident and doesn’t hold back even if there’s a risk he might offend someone. he’s also pretty impulsive and short tempered so it doesn’t take much for him to go off. like, he’s passionate about a lot of things and sometimes that explodes out of him in a not-fun way

but he’s also like a very open, easy-to-befriend kinda guy, super supportive of his friends and generous where it counts. he’s very loyal and the kind of person who’d fight you but also fight FOR you in a heartbeat. he hates unhappy endings so he’s always trying to low key look out for his friends even if!! admitting he cares is embarrassing!!

he’s a cute kid who can be a lot sometimes. please be his friend anyway

WANTED CONNECTIONS !

friends!! some super casual friends to spend time with in between classes or grab a bite to eat with - he’s honestly pretty friendly when it comes down to it and even if you don’t know him well, he’ll probably consider you a pal. maybe you got paired for some activity during freshman orientation and stuck together, shared classes in the past, etc. you just know joowon as an entertaining dude

fellow animation / art majors or minors!! classmates, people to get stuck doing group projects with, we always work on our assignments together, looking for an empty studio to write and found you there so uh can we share. or on the flip side, department rivals?? getting into arguments / heated debates in the middle of class and getting sent out? always competing to see who’s better but they’re both good!

art club members who are like please come to a meeting please please come to just one meeting - or, y’know, forcibly drag or trick him into participating. someone who recruited him into the art club to begin with and now they have regrets. someone who finds an old exhibition piece he did for the club or something and is like omg please come back sunabe i want to learn from you--

cooking club members who he kind of follows around because they make really good food. people who don’t realize he’s not officially in the club and try to get him to participate but he’s like these hands are not made for cooking. someone who does realize but is like aw he’s harmless let him hang around. let him lick the spoon--

paranormal club bros... it’s the one club he’s actually serious about for reasons unknown (actually, it’s known: he wants to fuck a vampire) so members who share similar interests or just like his intensity or just think he’s a riot. maybe they try to film their own version of buzzfeed unsolved and hit up a bunch of supposedly haunted places or chase paranormal activity idk

people who read / have read his webtoons! whether they’re fans of him or antis... maybe someone he’s friends with irl who reads every update but doesn’t know he’s the author, or someone he’s friends with irl who hates the webtoon and joowon has to stop themselves from fighting them. or like... interacting on twitter about the webtoons, someone who writes fic or draws fanart and always dms it to him, idk, someone who leaves hate comments whom he fights with on a sock account?? 

he has a weird relationship with sunbaes in the sense that he can get really needy / attention-seeking around them (maybe he craves the close older sibling figures he’s never had in his life!) so sunbaes he can bother / be cute around. whether they tolerate him, shoo him away, or take care of him... idk

enemies?? for various reasons - maybe they’re rivals, maybe they just pissed joowon off or vice versa, maybe they just made eye contact and challenged each other to a fight pokemon style, maybe he just can’t stand the way they act, but enemies are fun...

some romantic connections like exes? hasn’t dated much recently maybe a few people in the past, or like people who have confessed to him but he turned them down pretty callously. or someone who falls in love with his art and thinks that means they like joowon but when they try to get to know him they’re like oh... oh no

i know i missed a bunch of stuff but i have more specific plots here if nothing sparks your interest + and i’m always open to brainstorm something as well! 

[cabinofimagines]

Those days (Twinbro!Percy x F!reader)

A/N: Well I certainly had a busy summer and so much lack of inspiration lmao but here it is! P.S. I was in the mood for Logan’s Percy so there it is, but you can imagine him however you want <3 -Danny 

Request: Idk if the blog is still in activity or anything or if the requests are open but do you think you can write smth with Percy comforting his twin sis that feels like shit? Im sorry for bothering you and thanks for your time

Words: 1,063

Warnings: Mentions of having your period I guess??, Is not one of my favorites and is not proofread but I hope that if someone out there is having a bad night, this will make you feel better.

Breathe in, then out.

Deep breaths, you can put yourself together.

Today was one of those days for Y/N. Woke up on the wrong mindset, hungry as hell and left alone at home since her brother was out with Mom, Dad and their baby sister. She decided not to go last night when they asked, it was her second day on her period and it was Hades on earth.

However, things weren’t looking great from where she stood, the tv had nothing interesting to watch, Netflix didn’t seem appealing and she’d already watched all videos from her favorites youtube channels from the week. To say things shortly, Y/N was having a bad day. 

Her skin felt weird, her body looked odd and she was being stalked by these thoughts, hurtful memories from way back, summers ago. People who she would never get to see again; places she’ll never be able to watch. Feelings she can’t take back, or forget she ever had them in the first place.

Now, you can blame it on hormones or she being a naturally emotional person since her father is so moody, but for her, it just was too much to handle at the moment.

She lay on her bed facing the wall and crawled into a ball, already fighting the pout forming on her face. What was exactly the matter? Why was she so sad?

“Ugh, stop it!” Y/N wiped the tears that were forming on her eyes, frustrated by how affected she was with nothing. “Calm down!”

Life was just so hard. And it didn’t matter what she did to make herself feel better there was always something else happening, either on the mortal side or the godly one. She needed a time out so desperately and the gods were reluctant to give it to her. 

The world wasn’t going to stop for her to catch her breath, so she had to arrange the rhythm to fit its time.

Caught up on her own mind and whispering hard words to keep the mind steady, she didn’t hear the door opening. 

Percy walked into the room to a strange scene, at first he thought Y/N was having a nap, but then heard her harsh mumbles and the way her shoulders were tense and shivering. He immediately knew; call it twin connection if you want, he just knew.

She didn’t hear the footsteps until they were right next to her, jumping out of her skin she sat on the bed, already looking for a weapon when she caught her brother’s eyes.

“Oh, you’re home” Y/N look down while pretending to rub her eyes away from a sleepy state, just needing an excuse to clean them up and if they look reddish, well she could always blame in on the weariness.

“You’re crying” Percy frowned, “what happened?”

Dammit, Y/N thought.

“It’s all good,” She answered in a shaky voice, “really, nothing to worry. You got any food? I’m starving-”

She tried to get up, but Percy got in the way, his eyes hard on her.

“How about I bring some stuff and you wait here?” Percy didn’t wait for her reply, already walking to the door, “That way you stay here so you can calm down before mom sees you and you can tell me what’s wrong alright?”

He left the room and Y/N alone with nothing to say, What was he expecting her to say? It really was nothing, the problem was simply her. It wasn’t even her if she was being honest, it was just a feeling in her stomach, a single idea bringing her down with all its might.

Percy came back after some time with two cups of hot chocolate and blue pancakes, he had taken the time to cook all that on his own, she could tell cause the pancakes were a little bit burned on one side. That simple action made her heart swell with love.

See? Y/N observed the scene in front of her, life can be soft between the hard too...

With that and not being able to control herself, she talked and talked about how things just weren’t looking bright and positive at the moment, and she explained how it didn’t make sense how sad and pressure she felt out of nowhere. By the time she was commenting on how it could be all because of her period the food was gone, and Percy was nodding, very focused on the subject.

“Well that’s all good,” Was the first thing he said, when she looked at him like he was crazy he shook his head, mimicking her frown, “I don’t mean like, you feeling like shit it isn’t good. But it’s valid, I guess. Everyone has those days, I have those days too. It means we need a break.”

“How do you handle it?” 

“I have you” He smiled and gave her a gentle push on the shoulder, “I have mom and Paul. Estelle, Annie, Grover...”

“Yeah but you don’t have them right there with you” She replied, “it’ s hard to feel ok when in reality you’re alone”

“You’re not alone” He huffed, “maybe at that second you are, but distance isn’t a measure for how much someone cares about you. You should measure the way people is close to you by how easy it is to reach them. Next time you feel like this and I’m not here you call me with the phone Leo made for us?”

“And what if you can’t answer, at some point that might happen”

“You call ten times more until I do,” He shrugged, “whatever I’m doing, it can wait if my sister needs me.”

“Awww that’s cute, ” Y/N teased her brother, “you’re bullshitting me so hard right now though”

“Am not, dumbass” Percy grabbed a pillow from the top of the bed and throw it her way, “nice of you to ruin my heartfelt moment, that speech was top-five.”

“Dunno, felt a bit forced if I’m honest” Before he could throw another pillow, Y/N sneaked off her bed and ran to the door.

“Face your death with honor, Y/N Jackson!”

“Not today, Prissy!”

Y/N decided that she would have that break. The world couldn’t stop for her to catch up, but she could definitely run faster than her brother.

[stillebesat]

i was rereading your stork au (bc i Love It and im so soft for baby logan) and i was kinda wondering how the legal bits work in that universe? like do the storks tell whoever (idk the right government people lol) that ‘x has a kid now’ or do the new parents have to like,, go register or something? idk its just a thought that came to mind after reading

(So happy you love the STORK AU! ^^;; It’s been a favorite of mine to write)

Short Answer: MAGIC!! It fixes everything! ^^;; lol For the most part the STORK’s magic makes pretty much all the necessary changes to all documentation instantaneous as soon as the new parent(s) accept their child. 

Longer Answer below the cut: 

The nice thing about STORKS is that they do have their own brand of magic that helps to facilitate the child’s move to a better family.

Their main magic is used for the changing/erasing of the original parent(s)/guardian(s) memories so that they won’t go looking for the child and to ensure that the child doesn’t have to worry about running into them again. 

But this magic also is used to alter official records that the government (and medical, educational, etc places) keep. Basically if a government person just happened to be looking at the child’s name on their birth certificate when they’re taken by the STORKS and accepted by their new family it would be like a ‘blink and you miss’ it sort of change. One second the name may say Joe Johnson and the next it would be Joe Anderson. (The person may not realize that the name changed or think they misread the name, it’s so quick)-And if the child doesn’t want to keep their name that their original parents gave them, then the paperwork could change to say Andrew Anderson or even Jennifer Anderson depending on what the child wants to be called. Etc. 

-The changes are also very very easy to make for those government systems who have digitized their information. As basically just blip and the necessary information is altered and no one is the wiser. 

The good thing about the government though is that there are billions of people living on the planet and keeping track of every single form for every individual is such a momentous task that unless the person in the government is involved directly with the STORKs (aka they accepted a child from a STORK) it’s unlikely anyone will notice any changes to documents that contain the child’s name. 

The only major difference to most governments is that since most of the time the original parent(s)/guardian(s) believe that their child was killed, there needs to be a paper trail there just in case one is needed. (aka death certificates and insurance claims filed and processed)

-If there is insurance on the child, then there’s the added complication of ensuring that the money was processed and placed in the right accounts so the original parent(s)/guardian(s) aren’t like “Where’s my money?” 

Also what all needs to be changed in the paper trail of the child often depends on the situation that they come from and their age. 

It’s a lot easier on the STORKS when the child hasn’t yet entered school as there are less official records (mostly like a Birth Certificate, Social Security Number, and maybe a couple of medical records.) that need to be altered.

It’s also the reason why most of the STORKs work with babies and toddlers. (And how they got their reputation for carrying babies to parents in the stories) There’s less that needs to be altered to ensure that the child can seamlessly enter into their new family’s lives. 

But if the child is older and in school then there’s more complications and potentially more legwork (including physical visits to differing locations) that the STORK has to complete after uniting the child with their new parents in order to ensure that the no one goes “Oh hey wait what happened to Jimmy who was in class last week?” When the original parents think that the child ‘died’ three years ago.

-Basically if a person was closer to the parents, their memories will shift so that they too think the child is dead.

-If the person was closer to the child, they will forget who the child’s original parents were and remember only the new parents and in most cases will think that left because they moved away. 

But yah. Schools complicate everything because there’s such a paper trail in those buildings. Assignments, Tests, Scores, Assessments, Nurses Visits, etc etc. (again yay for digital stuff as computer records are quite easy to alter for the STORKS.) 

It’s even more complicated in the rarer cases where the ‘child’ is at that near adult stage of 15-17 years old where they may have a job (and all those certifications/background checks, etc) or have received their learner’s permit/driver’s license. 

Because Remy usually deals with infants and toddlers his job isn’t as complicated as other more experienced STORKS who take on the older children in need. 

And because Virgil is Logan’s original Dad, his case is different than most as he can keep his original name as his birth certificate was filed using Virgil’s last name as Logan’s last name and named him as father. 

The main complication is that the Mom is still alive and now believes that Logan is dead. 

-With Remy’s magic she believes that he died in the boating accident along with Virgil because Virgil’s Grandfather told her that Virgil was dead. Now the memories shift to include Logan in that.

So there’s a tricky bit of magic there where you could call it…a mirage. If she were to happen to look at Logan’s birth certificate she would see Logan’s name with her Maiden Name (though since she and Virgil weren’t yet officially married, she never took his last name and hasn’t yet been married to anyone else.) But if Virgil were to look at that exact same certificate, he would see his last name as Logan’s last name.

There will also be a Death Certificate found in the state of Florida that has Logan’s name with his Mother’s Maiden Name on it if the Mom were to need it. 

In very very rare cases. A STORK is unable to properly change memories/paperworkforms because they have to act in the spur of the moment and take the child before a new family can be found for them. In these sort of cases it’s like…’the strings of fate’ -or in this case the ties of family- are violently snapped leaving the child(ren) adrift with no connections to anyone (records vanished, memories people have of the completely gone from their minds leaving holes in memories) until the STORK can get them out of imminent danger and realign them with a better family. 

This happens to Remy when Logan is 14 years old when he rescues nearly 16 year old Roman and Remus from a cousin they lived with who was deadset on killing them. 

Remy basically yanked the twins off the street as they ran by, shielded them with his wings from their cousin’s view and promptly used his magic to ‘break’ every single thread connecting them to their old life because he had no time to be ‘delicate’ when their lives were literally on the line. 

As to the new parent(s), mostly what they have to worry about is what they’re going to tell people when they’re like “Hey…who is this?” The STORK’s magic, however, ensures that whatever story the new parent(s) decide to tell, it will be believed so that the child can be better accepted into their new life. (Though there’s almost always that one distant relative that disproves of everything no matter what you tell them. “Can they even afford to have another child?!” “Adoption?! Why in the world would you subject yourself to that?!”)  

Again with Babies it’s rather easy if there’s a parent involved who can bear children as they will often use the story of “I didn’t know I was pregnant!” With older children the reason can be slightly more complicated and parent(s) have told very simple stories of “we decided we wanted to adopt this little angel” to more complex stories of “So apparently I actually had twins in the hospital but they told me one died but only now through Ancestry.com did I discover my child had actually survived and after a lot of searching we found each other.” (The STORKS have to shake their heads at some of the stories they’ve heard the parent(s) tell to explain why they suddenly have another child) 

Paperwork wise the parent(s) usually find all the necessary documentation for the child in the mail within the week (after the haze of ‘we have a new child!’ has faded a bit) to ensure that there won’t be difficulties in their future (drivers licenses, passports, job applications, college applications, medical history, etc). 

Again with Virgil and Logan it’s easier in some ways and difficult in others since Logan is Virgil’s biological child. So he can rightfully claim that Logan is his son. 

But it does take Virgil a good two or three days before he feels like he can leave the building with Logan and tell people the story he’s comfortable telling.

Because like….how do you explain to people that your Grandfather didn’t want your fiance to marry you and so he set up the boat explosion to kill them, but somehow they survived, but then he convinced the Mom to fake being dead and then lied to Virgil about the her and Logan’s survival only Virgil discovered years later that they could potentially still be alive and when he ‘found’ them (Virgil never sees the Mom again, Remy is the one who took action to find them before Virgil could get a chance to) and Logan’s Mom could no longer care for him (otherwise Remy wouldn’t have been able to take Logan from his mother) and ‘wanted’ (since she’s not alive) nothing to do with Virgil and so Virgil took Logan back home to live with him and raise.

Yah…Virgil doesn’t tell that story to more than a handful of people. He mostly sticks to “His Mother took him from me, but now can no longer care for him and so I took my son back.” And if they know his situation with his ex-fiance will also state that she ‘faked their deaths and I just discovered they were still alive.”  

But yah, paperwork wise, not much needed to be changed for Logan as he was too young to be in school (at almost five) and his Mom hadn’t enrolled him in preschool and had stopped taking him to daycare a good year before when she realized he could take care of himself well enough that she could leave him home while she was at work and not worry about him burning down the house (and save $$$ in the process) so no one would question why he no longer was coming. 

Hope that answers your questions! Let me know if you have any more. :D

[redsdawn]

( jessica chastain. forty. cis female. she/her. ) in stratford, dawn wright  is more commonly known as red. they’ve been living in stratford for thirty years and currently work as a nurse. some say they are malapert  & rancorous but i’m more inclined to believe those that say they’re ballsy  & dependable. if you walk by their house, you can sometimes hear cloudbusting by kate bush playing from their window. ( the sting of comments better left unsaid, driving with the windows down, subjecting oneself to the unknown, and never knowing when to stop. ) 

hello, all! i’m dee, your local goblin whose hands are shaking as they type this! :-) i hope everyone’s having a good evening / morning / day. here’s to writing some good shit together! 

disclaimer: i have dawn’s stats here, which hopefully gives you all the need-to-know info at a glance. the second section has death & suicide mentions, so please steer clear of that if need be. 

if dawn is anything, it’s restless. she’s always felt like a bird about to take flight, or like she’s looming on the edge of some great cliff. it’s like some current flowing through her bones, or some itch that can’t be scratched. she yearns for more & hates that nothing is ever wholly enough for her. 

dawn grew up trailer trash & she still was trailer trash when she moved to stratford after the death of her mother. her dad, nathaniel, was a drunken tradesman who'd never known what to do with the life he’d been given. he was hardly a father when diane was around & even less so after her passing. despite their blood relation, however, he & dawn were more akin to roommates than anything else. nathaniel provided the “essentials” [ bits of clothes every couple of months, piss-poor cooking, a place to sleep ] and little else. he wasn’t warm or particularly kind--not like he was to the girlfriends that’d come in and out of their lives. he didn’t know how to speak to children or how to be the mentor that dawn needed. he’d tried, but it wasn’t like dawn knew how to be the daughter he’d wanted either. she wasn’t diane. she wasn’t warm, obedient, and kind. she was gritty & spoke back, even when it wasn’t smart to. 

growing up, dawn was hardly ever home. a majority of her adolescence was spent being a wild cat. as a kid, she’d get up to shenanigans with other kids from school or the neighborhood. she was a tomboy through-and-through, covered in various scars and bruises from climbing & doing things she shouldn’t have. she was an okay student, but her report cards always made a note to mention attention + behavioral issues.

as a teenager, she was even worse. it was then that she learned the careful craft of chasing cheap thrills. always slipping from crowd to crowd, dawn was a social butterfly. she’d slip her way into any group that would have her, reveling in any and all attention cast her way. 

dawn was poor-poor. like, having frequent sleepovers at friends houses, because you want an actual real meal levels of poor. 

above all, dawn’s childhood taught her how to be hungry & that feeling’s never left her.

it was a particularly persistent set of teachers that really pushed dawn to be more than what she was setting herself up for. her chemistry teacher really made a point to speak to her in frank terms + helped her fill out college application forms when that time of year came around. at the time, dawn had brushed it off, as she did with most things, but she’s always been grateful. it was nice to feel seen for once. she kept in touch & got their recommendation when admissions opened up for nursing school. 

going to college & being in a new environment really forced dawn to get it together. she couldn’t just be a little shithead anymore--she had actual responsibilities & appearances now. she mellowed out some afterward, doing everything that she thought people were supposed to do. she got her own place, paid her bills, & worked like she actually cared about what she was doing--which she did, for once. 

somewhere along the way, getting stuck in that grind & facing the fears that rose from losing her father started to really get to her. that restlessness had come back in full force, & dawn didn’t know how to handle it. she fell into a bit of a destructive rut that resembled that of her teenage years, and sought help only when her boss gave her an ultimatum. she’s better now, but not quite how she was. 

dawn is unflinching. it’s extremely hard to unsettle her. are your guts falling out? is someone throwing shit + breaking chairs? is there a literal fire happening? well, you wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at dawn. she loves fixing things & finds it really easy to keep a cool head when shit hits the fan. she’s focused & nonjudgemental. she won’t question why you look like shit or why she has to stitch up a stab wound. 

dawn yearns to feel needed & is uncomfortable when she isn’t. that want is what fuels her friendliness. she wants to be in a group, she wants to be something to someone. she goes out of her way for others not out of an innate altruism, but as a result of her deliberate choice to be good. she wants people to feel that she cares for them, so they may in turn care for her, too. 

that being said, dawn’s decision-making isn’t immaculate. she has a blinding rage that’s a blight on her progress. it’s regressive & ugly & irresistible. dawn takes things too far sometimes & keeps pushing. she digs her fingers into wounds she knows are fresh & always keeps her knives close. she’s capable of a lot of good and love, but she’s also capable of a very white-hot rage. 

some random bits are that dawn is a karaoke queen. she’s a heavy-weight, but doesn’t like alcohol. she’s an excellent hugger. she has an excellent memory & remembers the little things that people tell her. terrible at accepting gifts. she takes life one day at a time. total chatterbox. thinks she has a great pokerface, but her eyes are a straight window to that which lies behind. she’s definitely not a very good driver. writes notes on her hands and wrists. 

some songs that make me think of her are

rock city

i bet on losing dogs

disorder

hounds of love

some wanted connection ideas !

a childhood memory -- maybe these two were a couple of ragtag misfits up to no good. maybe your muse’s parents felt bad for dawn, and would invite her over for dinner, regardless of how your muse felt about it. maybe they grew up in the same trailer park. maybe your muse’s mom dated her dad at one point. idk!! 

teenage escapades -- did they used to drive around without a care in the world, swearing they were gonna live forever? did they try to use their fake id’s to buy cheap liquor & then haul ass after the cashier wasn’t having it? did dawn manage to weasel her way into your muse’s life & fuck it up somehow? 

it’s a sibling thing -- are they related? no. does that stop them from acting like actual siblings? also no. dawn would do anything for this person, including, but not limited to, annoying them to death. silly, serious, and self-less. 

frenemies -- they say you should keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. either way, these two are relatively close. do they even remember why they sometimes-kind-of-but-not-really-but-also-kind-of hate each other? maybe, maybe not.

best buds -- everyone needs a best friend &, believe it or not, dawn has a lot of love to give. being her best friend includes unlimited venting sessions, on-call assistance, & free snacks. truly a once in a lifetime deal.

playing doctor -- listen, dawn doesn’t wear those scrubs because she thinks they’re sexy. she knows her shit & who else are you going to call at ass o’clock because you’re bleeding all over your carpet floor? besides, at least when you call her, you don’t get reamed with a 2k bill after.

we don’t talk about that -- sometimes, dawn is off being a lovey-dovey bitch, which is embarrassing, but when she’s not? well.. she wouldn’t be opposed to a rebound, or one night stands that maybe never should have happened to begin with. 

BUT REALLY I’M DOWN FOR ANYTHING AND THIS IS ALREADY SO DANG LONG SO IM GONNA END IT HERE AND SAY THAT ILY AND WANT TO DO ALL OF THE PLOTS WITH EVERYONE THANK U BYE SMOOCHES

[purplesurveys]

713

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? Nah, that was put out when I started to not read anymore. I did see the first movie though since it was always being aired on TV. When was the last time you ran into something? Haven’t been doing a lot of running these days being stuck at home... but uh probably my dog? He’s always scattered in the most random spaces around the house, it’s so easy to literally stumble upon him. Do you enjoy dressing up? I don’t get to do it a lot but yeah sure. Do you live in the city or a rural area? I live in an urban area. Rizal is technically a province but it has some urban, more city-like parts – I live in one of them. The way provinces are in the country is generally nice for staycations but I can’t see myself living in them for good; there’s hardly any phone signal, they have none of the stuff I’m used to having in the city like malls and coffee shops, and there’s much less coverage for internet connection. Would you say you have a sense of style? Pretty much. I think it’s distinguishable enough that people can pick clothes they think I’d like off a rack.

What's your biggest fear? Cockroaches, failing, being publicly humiliated. Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? Nope. Add that into one of my biggest fears. Are you close to any of your cousins? I’m closest to my Kuya, the eldest cousin on my mom’s side. I used to be close with my cousins on my dad’s side but since we’ve always lived far from each other we ended up getting awkward when we were teenagers and we haven’t moved past from that ever since. All my other cousins are too young for me to be close to. Have you ever been lost in the woods? Nope. Where did you last travel? I think my last out-of-town trip was when I went to Nasugbu with my friends as a last hurrah before the semester started last August. Do you enjoy driving? I would enjoy it more if traffic wasn’t so congested all the time, but generally I prefer knowing how to drive than not at all. I find it really convenient and I like being able to move at my own time, at my own pace. What song did you last listen to? Hahahaha don’t even be surprised anymore – it’s lofi city up in here, dude. If you have a job, how often do you work? What time do you normally go to sleep at night? These days, very late; my body clock has been beaten up bad (by me, lmao) in the last month. I’d normally turn in from 2-4 AM. Do you watch a lot of movies? I used to. Watching new movies was all I ever did circa 2014-2016, but life got a bit more hectic and my time for watching movies waned until I was never able to get back to my old routine and I just stopped watching altogether. These days I’m only able to watch new films if Gab asks me to tag along with her, like what happened with Midsommar, Knives Out, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Do you like Tom Petty? I only know him by name. I don’t have an opinion. Would you rather have snow or rain? I mean I’m just stuck with one of the choices anyway, so rain it is. Do you own a lot of sweaters? Nah I own zero. The only one I have belongs to my girlfriend. Have you ever tried rock-climbing? I’ve tried mini rock-climbing walls, but nothing too high or that required me to put on a helmet and harness. Ever ridden in a police car? Nope. Favorite decade of music? Idk I’ll have to go with the most recent one, 2010s. It was a period when I got old enough to 1) connect with the music coming out and 2) discern what to me sounds good and what doesn’t, and it was also a time where I got to establish what my general music tastes are. The 2000s to me mostly offers nostalgia but nothing outstanding, and I feel too detached from the other past decades for them to be my favorite. Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? I’ve had best friends I’ve kept for 15 years and 8 years. Ever witnessed a murder? No, but I came so close. One of our first news assignments was to cover a crime story, so on the first night a friend and I spent the night over at a local police station to wait for leads. There wasn’t any and on the second night, another pair of groupmates were tasked to wait at the same station to wait for reports – they were the pair that got a tip and they got to see a fresh crime scene :( which I know should be nothing to be envious of sksksk but still. If I remember correctly it was a stabbing incident and someone did die from it. Do you care what people think of you? I try not to but some opinions that reach me will still get to me, especially on rougher days. Does your room have a ceiling fan? No, just a standing electric fan. Would you consider yourself poised? Eh, it’s not the first word I’d use to describe me. If I’m feeling antsy you’d know it, because I would show it. Have you ever tried blogging? I have tried blogging, as early as when I was 10. I mainly used Blogspot as a diary, but it didn’t last long because 10 year old me just couldn’t keep the blog up and running. I discovered Tumblr when I was 11 and since then it’s been my main website for if I wanna blog (or in this case, microblog) about my interests. Favorite television channel? I haven’t watched TV in a looooooooong while. Have you ever lied under oath? I’ve never had to be under oath. What are your religious views? None. Are you a romantic person? Yeah but mostly in secret; I don’t like being too public when it comes to being expressive. Like I’d swat my girlfriend’s face away if she tries to kiss me in public lmaooooo but when it’s just the two of us I’ve gotten her love language down to a T and I know exactly what to do to make her feel loved. When did you last change your bed sheets? A few weeks ago. My eye started getting irritated whenever I was anywhere near my bed, so I chalked it up to having sheets that needed to be changed. Would you consider yourself a flirt? That would be the literal last thing to describe me. At what age do you plan to be married? Somewhere between 27-29. Do you eat a lot of junk food? Meh not really these days. I’m old enough to start feeling how unhealthy they are whenever I eat them and they no longer feel filling to the stomach either. When did you last go on vacation? Half a year ago. We haven’t been able to go on vacations this year because of coronavirus obviously, so our last trips have been on my dad’s last break at home. Are you resilient? I’d like to think so. I’ve been through so much shit and of varying degrees all my life but I’m still stubbornly here. Have you ever failed a subject before? I’ve never failed an entire class but I’ve failed exams, mostly math-related ones. If so, what was the class? My first failed class was math in Grade 4 (which was when we started learning super super super basic algebra), then I failed a number of algebra exams in 1st year, and then advanced algebra and geometry, and I think even chemistry and calculus, as the years went on. Do you wear more bright or dull colors? I used to wear duller colors, but I’ve recently been so bored with how my wardrobe has been mostly black and white throughout my stay in college that I started to make an effort to buy more colorful stuff so I can look livelier. Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? I know a number of people. What's your favorite quote? I don’t really have one but one of my favorite movie lines is “How you like them apples?” from Good Will Hunting, if that counts. Would you consider yourself mature? Sure. I like taking on a motherly role in all my friend groups. How many clocks are in your house? I only regularly encounter the one in our dining area but I dunno if any of the bedrooms have clocks as well. Do you play any sports? Table tennis. What is your biggest life regret? Eh I say this a lot but only because it’s my one big regret – I wish I didn’t have such a hard time adjusting and spend so much time wallowing in self-pity in my first year (and part of my second year) of college. I spent all my days crying in my car because I had nowhere to hang and no one to talk to, and I was feeling worse by the fact that everyone else seemed to settle in with ease. I wish I had just said ‘fuck it’ earlier and just joined orgs and talked to people. Now I don’t really get to say that my entire college experience had been one of a kind, because I was mostly only trying to keep myself alive for nearly the first half of it. Have you ever been injured in a car accident? Nah not injured, but I’ve been caught in a couple of accidents. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? I would love to be in a Tim Hortons right now, studying while having their coffee and one of their wraps. Have you ever had highlights in your hair? Never. I’m not allowed to, which is fine because I stopped wanting to dye my hair. Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC has the best fast food but not the best restaurant. I don’t think I enjoy eating at any of the fast food restaurants we have because they all smell like a bunch of people have come and gone in the place D: In what country were you born? Philippines. Born and raised. Are your eyes more than one color? Nope. Have you ever caught something on fire? No but I’ve seen someone else get something on fire – back in Grade 4, my science teacher was showing us how a Bunsen burner works and a classmate (and tbh the class troublemaker) named Kressel tipped it over while the teacher wasn’t looking. We were too young to know what to do about it – and we were also all panicking on the inside and none of us could move – so we just watched part of the table getting burned away. What would you consider your biggest flaw? I’m very sensitive and I take a lot of things personally. What do you think your best quality is? Kinda conneected to that. I can read people quite well and can tell when they’re feeling too sensitive, if a joke has gotten too far for them, or if they’re starting to feel uncomfortable in a group setting. Do you enjoy listening to others' problems? *Enjoy* might not be the right word for it – I don’t derive pleasure out of hearing the things making my friends stressed out. I do like being the person they turn to; I like knowing they trust me.

Do you keep any plants in your house? My parents do. Sometimes they’ll ask me to water them, but I don’t claim any of the plants as mine. What is your mother's occupation? She’s confidential secretary to one of the higher-ups in her workplace. Do any of your friends like your musical style? I’m not the first person they’d go to to ask for song recommendations. My taste is admittedly a bit blah and basic, so I don’t blame them haha. What are you most looking forward to? I wanna say this quarantine ending, but I know resuming life in the real world would also be making me anxious when the time comes. I guess I’m most excited for seeing Gabie again, because I haven’t seen March 7th. What was your favorite television show as a child? My first favorite show ever that I was also super attached to was Hi-5 with the original cast – this was for kindergarten days. When I got a bit older I loved Spongebob, then when I got even a bit older than that I started liking Drake and Josh, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, That’s So Raven, and Hannah Montana. My first favorite that didn’t come from a kids’ channel was probs Breaking Bad. Are you afraid of insects? Yeah, most of them. Are you cold-natured? Idk if this wants to ask me if I’m snobbish or if I get cold too quickly, but I’m gonna go right ahead and say I can be a bit of both. How old were you when you got your first pet? I was 5 or 6 when I got my first few goldfish. Our house back then was very crowded and wouldn’t have been conducive to pets that would walk around, plus I had never owned pets before, so my parents thought it would be best for me to start off with fish. Did you / do you enjoy high school? It was okay for the latter half. What would you say was your favorite age? 16, which also happened to be the start of the second half of high school. There wasn’t a single low point that year and I had great friends, great grades, and an overall great time in junior year. What annoys you most about social networking? Ehh there are different annoying things for each of the big social media sites. Twitter sucks for its cancel/public shaming culture; Facebook suffers from fake news and troll armies, and conservative relatives are often there to gossip about your posts or your stances (at least for us Asians, idk if family in other cultures can be just as nosey); and Instagram is just unbelievably fake to me that I’ve never even tried joining there to socialize.

Are you the center of attention most of the time? No. Whenever I feel like I am I always shift the spotlight to someone else. What are you currently reading? I’m not reading anything at the moment. When did you last go to the library? At the start of the year, when I had to borrow a book for my Rizal class. Are you ill at the moment? Nope, and remaining not ill would be the best situation for now given the current circumstances. Do people tease you about anything? My friends know I’m a little sensitive so they’re careful about making me the butt of their jokes for too long, but I do get teased for my lack of street smarts which I’m fine with because it’s true hahahahahaha. How late did you stay up last night and why? Not too late considering how late I stay up these days – just around midnight. My left eye acted up again, was tearing up like crazy, and I could barely open it without starting to feel pain so I just went ahead and got some sleep. Have you ever written poetry? Only when we had to in English classes or if we had to submit entries for my org’s literary folio. I’ve never voluntarily written poems. Curtains or shades? Shades. How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? Six, I think? - my dad, sister, cousin, Gab, Andrew, and Angela. Do you tend to text a lot? These days no because I haven’t had (and needed) cellphone load in the last month lmao. Normally though I do. Ever lost a great best friend? Yeah. Sofie and I drifted apart when we started college and the time apart made me realize that we simply had two entirely different personalities and there was no way we would have kept up the friendship considering how far we would be from each other once college started. But it was a nice couple of years that we had being best friends and I don’t regret the antics we got into together. What is your favorite kind of flower? Peonieeeeees my god his question is everywhere. Do you own any guns? No, and I can tell you people where I’m from generally find America’s gun fixation really weird. What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? I think it’d be unfair to tag something as all-time favorite when I haven’t read enough books... but I remember really enjoying Without Seeing the Dawn by Stevan Javellana. Never mind the fact that it was required reading for school; I genuinely loved the whole book and ate it up pretty quickly.   Do you think you're living a good life? I guess, but I’d much rather call it ‘fortunate.’ What's your least favorite part of the day? On a normal schedule that would be once my alarm hits and I know I have to get out of bed and anticipate the traffic I’ll be stuck in.

Are you an over-achiever? Not in the sense that I like joining competitions and winning every single one of them, but I like calling dibs on a lot of tasks no matter how booked I am, and even doing the tasks of others if I sense that they’re not moving. Have you ever won an award for a speech? I haven’t, but I’ve been in a public speaking competition. I let my anxiety get the best of me that day and I ended up rambling midway into my speech, so now thinking about it is something that makes me wince these days because I know I could have done a lot better. Do you tend to curse a lot? Not as much as when I was a teenager but I’ll still slip some shits and fucks in my sentences every now and then. Have you ever played on the Ouija board? No. And I think that if it does happen, as much as I love the concept of Ouija boards, I’ll be too scared to join the session haha. Do you sleepwalk? Nope. Have you ever slept on the floor before? I’ve never slept on the FLOOR floor. I’ve slept on floors but there was always a mattress to lie on to feel comfortable, ya feel. Are you a fan of public displays of affection? It’s easy not to mind simple acts like holding hands or forehead kisses, but it can get uncomfortable if a couple is clearly in the moment and is like literally making out on the escalator or talking like babies to one another but loud enough for others to hear. Either way though I wouldn’t call myself an active fan. When did you last attend a yard sale? Idk dude, 12 years ago I’d say. Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? More interesting. What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? None. I just want to care for myself these days dude. And remind myself that it’s okay to not feel like being productive. When is your birthday? Exactly a week from now – April 21st. Which is worse: going blind or deaf? Blind for me. There’s a lot of stuff and places I have yet to see and new experiences that I wanna be able to digest by seeing them, like getting to the top of a mountain or seeing my future kid.   What was the best part of today? Eh, today’s been uneventful at best. Do you attempt to stay away from drama? I don’t want to be the subject of drama but if there’s drama involving other people and my friends got a hold of it, I would honestly find it hard to ignore it. What liquid did you last drink? Water. Do you ever prefer to be alone? I have moods where I’d want to be alone, but it doesn’t happen all the time. I still like being around people because it keeps me from being alone with my thoughts. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No. Favorite Disney movie? Toy Story. Tangled comes at a verrrrrrrrrry close second. Have you ever been to the beach? Yes. I think since 2009 we’ve been going to the beach at least once a year. If you have, how many times have you been? ^ Considering that estimation I’ve been to the beach a minimum 11 times, but it’s definitely a lot more than that since there’ve been times where we went to beaches multiple times in a single year. What was your dream occupation at age ten? I wanted to be an author then. Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? No. I’m a little underweight so I'm okay with welcoming a few extra pounds. Do you drink a lot of water? I don’t take eight glasses a day but I still drink relatively more than my friends and relatives do, who seem to like iced tea and soda more. Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? Hardwood, as with most (maybe even all) Filipino houses. Do you take naps daily? No, not daily. I probably take 3-4 afternoon naps every week.

Who were you named after? My parents say I was named after the Swedish singer Robyn, but they also tell me a conflicting story in that they just liked how the name sounds and went with it. Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? In the current state of the world? No can do chief. I wanna be able to travel once this shitstorm is over though. Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t think so. Have you ever been a teacher's pet? For some classes, but they’ve been very few and far between. I don’t consciously make myself the teacher’s pet in all my classes. What is your absolute favorite hobby? Eating out/trying new food! How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once or twice. Ever been to a tanning bed before? I have not. I don’t need to. Are you satisfied with your financial stability? I don’t even have finances sksksksksksksks Who is your favorite actor / actress? Kate Winslet. Are your nails painted? Nope. What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone? I make it a point not to say mean things to anyone because words stick. I learned that from a young age which, aside from how fucked up that is, is still a good thing, because it taught me early on to be careful with my anger. Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? I don’t do it accidentally lmao I just apologize to most of the objects I bump into. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies and cream. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Regularly. Do you receive any hate mail? No but that’s because I actively avoid having outlets for that. Anonymous hate would only make me paranoid and will probs drive me madly insecure in the wrong run. Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? Nope. If you could, would you have a pen pal? Meh, I’ll pass. I find instant messaging a lot more convenient and I doubt I’d have the patience for keeping a pen pal. What color are the pants you're wearing? I have brown shorts, not pants. Have you ever had a stalker? Nope. What is your life philosophy? You don’t have to be blood to be family. Who last sent you a goodnight text message? Gabie. Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? Very few, because pink actually doesn’t suit me. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Sure. What's your favorite comedy movie? White Chicks. In which year were you born? 1998.

[ambersky0319]

My Babies I love to hurt-

@whatschooldoesntteachyou you wanted info on my OCs so I shall provide! But in exchange of you have any OCs please tell me about them!! I'd really love to hear about them! Also @tacochippy this applies to you as well! And anyone else interested- I just really wanna hear about y'alls characters!

Kay! Onto my kiddos! This is also really unorganized and probably just the tip of the iceberg-

Evanna

She was the first OC I ever made and lemme just say,,,, she's come a long way. I'm really attached to her and I just love my royal gal. She's Aro/Ace and had a pretty shitty mom but she's making due. Her best friend is her guard and she had actually encouraged him to ask out his (not at the time) wife!

Also like, she fights on the front lines bc she knows her abilities are stronger than some of her own soldiers, and ends up reducing the death rate among her people(not by much, but it does slowly go down). Evanna has a problem with her own safety- great for angst with her relationships!!

Nezu

Nezu is a brand new character I made at the last moment, but I absolutely love them. They're pretty young, about 14-15 years old, and identify as agender(it's a miracle they even knew about the term since Dali don't really have vocab for this stuff, they just kinda accept different things). Nezu is a really strong healer despite their age and lack of training, and they really adore history

Oh also Nezu can't fly like most Dali, their wings being too small to support their weight. No one dares mention it though cause you do NOT disrespect a healer in Tongyi, especially if they're a quiet child healer that will ruin your entire reputation cause they just became the queen's favorite being in the entire kingdom

Erin

Evanna's guard and best friend, Erin has known Evanna for y e a r s. He's probably the most loyal Dali in Tongyi and thinks of Evanna as a sister. He loves his wife so much and she's probably the only person he'd prioritize over Evanna. Her name's Azzy and he will bring her up in any conversation that he can

He loves kids and it breaks his heart most of the soldiers are teenagers-young adults cause anyone older has already died. So he fights on the front lines with Evanna, even though he's really only average with his abilities. He does have outstanding strategy though, and sometimes the plans become so complicated that he and a select few can actually follow through

Marie

Onto the humans! Marie has a pretty chill childhood, it's not as dark as some of my other kids. She's a waitress at a restaurant called Silver Dream Café, a restaurant that doubles as a safe place for the employees. And that's no joke. You can be any age above 14 to work there, and they hire those that haven't had the very best life. Something happens to Marie that's really fucked up and so someone suggested she applies there, and Marie's found a new family there pretty much Her brother gets married and has a baby, and then Marie adopts a Nigerian teenage girl.

Marie's pretty stubborn, and very persuasive. If she really wanted to, she could have become a lawyer, but she really distrusts the judicial system and thinks it's unfair, especially after the thing that happens to her. She's compassionate and can oftentimes see through people's lies. The reason? Marie's outstandingly observational, and has an ability to imitate anyone she sees and hears. It's easy for her to pick up on surface-level habits.

Oh yeah and she's really Bi, her brother doesn't approve for awhile but he eventually comes around

Leona

A trained assassin, Leona's very deceiving, having multiple other identities(Abyss - Assassin name, Mariah Peters - news reporter). She does this to protect her actual identity, as well as maybe repress some past events. Her parents are very homophobic and kicked her out around 16 after someone outed Leona as a lesbian.

She turned to a life of crime to sustain herself and somehow got roped into a government organization(experiment) called Tempest. It wasn't long until she was being forced to kill, and she became very apathetic to do her job more efficiently. After all, Tempest payed her well. So she wasn't keen on betraying them anytime soon.

Not until she's given a target by the name Marie Sydney.

Jeremiah

Jeremiah is a ftm assassin, but instead of working on the field like most in Tempest, he was placed in the engineer sector, creating weapons and occasionally leaving the compound to help on missions. He's only known as "Pup" among the other Tempest Members because he's really young and small.

He's very intelligent and cunning, and suffers from constant guilt. He's... Working on it.

Oh and he has part of a soul of another one of my OCs in him(1/3 of the soul)

Taylor

Taylor, often called "Aunty Tay" by her cousin(Neva said it once and it just kinda stuck) and most small children, is the girl that Marie adopted. She's strong and really closed off, often not trusting anyone right away. She really loves her family that Marie brought her into, and will protect them at any cost. Much like Evanna, she's really selfless and is perfectly fine with sacrificing her safety in exchange for the safety of others.

She also has part of the soul within her(2/3) and seems to have the strongest spiritual connection to Cinomeds in general.

Dani

Introduced first as a spoiled and then orphaned prince, he's adopted by Evanna much later in the series once he's older and helps support the Tongyian kingdom. He's adaptable in many situations, but deals with emotion very poorly(especially very strong negative emotions). Despite making a lot of mistakes he eventually learns and tries to fix the mistakes.

He's the third part of the soul.

Oh and did I mention Dani, Taylor, and Jeremiah all start dating? Yeah, they're in a healthy poly relationship and care for one another deeply(after a rough introduction at least)

Aki

CINOMED KIDS! We're nearing the end. Aki is pretty much a mad scientist, with a disregard for the actual life of creatures. He sees a lot of things as test subjects, and loves to play with the biology of said creatures. He's Aro/Ace and the other Cinomeds are like his family. Although he's introduced as a villain he has a sorta redemption arc thing? Idk I know I just love him-

Is the first and only Cinomed to really be redeemed(ish)

Angel

Also a Cinoned, their personality varies greatly because their soul was split into parts(originally two- trio earlier are the first to have Angel's soul split into thirds) and the same goes for their appearance. Before the soul splitting though, Angel was rebellious and often didn't see eye-to-eye with the other Cinomeds

*cough*partofaplottwistihaveinmind*cough*

Serranidae

Goes by Serra by the other Cinomeds, she takes rejection horribly. Her and Angel were a thing at one point, before there was a huge fallout and then Angel was torn apart. Serra was crushed, and vowed to protect Aki at all costs cause she was not gonna lose another part of her family

She fails in the end but it's not really her fault?

Oh Serra is also extremely brutal in fights

Rikki

He's not really that fleshed out... He's the main baddie of my kiddos. Think Aaravos from TDP. Except as a shadow thing. He's the creator of Fahndali and literally every creature there, as well as the other Cinomeds. He split Angel's soul apart before being sucked to the core of the planet where he remained trapped for over a millennia. He's also an asshole, confident in his abilities and not afraid to manipulate those until he feels no need for them.

If people wanna know more just dm me or send an ask and I can probably guarantee more ramblings

[julianxhwang]

Julian Hwang // Intro

Hello ! My name is Backy (she/her) ヾ(＾∇＾)❀ I'm 25 years old and I live in Canada!  ❀ Feel free to like this post or drop me a message on discord if you're interested in plotting. I'd love to get to know you and your muses! (｡’▽’｡)♡ ❀ 

Without further ado, here's Julian Hwang (fc: Bang Chan (2010) // Im Siwan (2020)), my overworked friendly bean ❀

✮ Spotify playlist:  Julian Hwang ✮ Pinterest: C: Julian 

( Bang Chan & Im Siwan ) bopping along to I’m Yours by Jason Mraz is Julian Hwang, the twenty-one year old cismale thrown back to their business days with some of his memories. voted most likely to live in a library, Julian was known for being studious & self-destructive, go figures you’d always find them taking 15 minute power naps on top of a book, but grew up to be hard-working & fanatical . 

♦ The Basics ♦ 

↣ Name: Julian Hwang ↣ Nickname: J, Kangaroo ↣ Age: Twenty-One // Thirty-One ↣ D.O.B.: October 3rd, 1988 ↣ Education: Third Year @ RVU (Business Management)  ↣ Sexuality: Pansexual 

↣ Occupation(s): Tutor, waiter, odd-jobs ↣ Languages: English & Korean ↣ Drinking, smoking, & drugs: Yes (socially), no, & yes (study drugs)

↣ Quirks: Drinks coffee with way too much sugar, randomly obsessed with knitted things, bites nails when stressed, left-handed, & has a horrible sense of direction ↣ Likes: Coffee, tea, spicy food, mangos, swimming, the stars, the colour orange, the ocean, & cooking ↣ Dislikes: Being late, bitter food, tequila, violence, horror movies, cold weather, flying, & cleaning

♦ background (then & now) ♦ 

↣ Hometown: Adelaide, Australia ↣ Nationality: Australian ↣ Ethnicity: Korean ↣ Parents: Namsung (Nora) & Chongyol (Jamie) Hwang // Step Dad: Flynn Caldwell 

O1 x. Then - Originally from Australia, Julian moved to the states on a sports scholarship for swimming while taking his degree in business at SVU. His parents were less than thrilled to send him away but after a lot of reassurance that he was going to eat three meals a day & get plenty of sleep, the deal was sealed. Of course, Julian doesn’t do either of those things but what his parents didn’t know won’t kill them. Sleeping doesn’t earn scholarships, after all.  O3 x. Then - However, sometime after being admitted to SVU, his parents got a divorce and Julian’s mom moved to the states to be closer to him. She had nothing left for her in Australia and considered it a fresh start. His dad stayed behind to run the family business, a small traditional Korean restaurant. Julian’s still close to both of his parents but considerably more so his mother. He couldn’t exactly afford to jet off to visit his dad every other weekend and even on a scholarship, Julian was working multiple jobs to pay his bills so as not to burnden his mother. 

O2 x. Now - Julian graduated SVU, one of the top of the class, and moved into a job as a financial advisor for small and large hospitals alike. He frequently travels but still comes back home on occassion to visit his family. It’s been 10 years and Julian’s mom, Nora Hwang, is remarried to Flynn Caldwell. He’s also gained a step brother in the process, Austin Caldwell, who just so happens to have attended the same university as him.   O4 x. Now - Julian can’t say that he necessarily dislikes the Caldwell’s but there’s some resentment there. Him and Austin led two very different lives growing up and couldn’t be more dissimilar. It wasn’t so much that Julian was never allowed to be a teenager, it was just never an option that crossed his mind considering their financial burdens. Of course, now with a financially stable husband, Julian feels as though his mom doesn’t rely on him as much anymore. It should be a relief, honestly, but what about all of his hard work? All those years he gave up? The many, many jobs he’d worked to make sure she’d never pay a dime for his education? It all seems so pointless now but what else can he do but keep working? 

♦ personality ♦ 

↣ Good Traits: Hard-working, companionly, kind, & patient ↣ Neutral Traits: Quiet, frugal, paternal, responsible, & a perfectionist ↣ Bad Traits: Self-destructive, fanatical, uptight, & a pushover 

O1 x. Self-Destructive - Has a bad habit of sacrificing himself for everything & anything else. Sleeping, eating, & socializing are no match for studying, clubs, & work. If he’s stressed, he’ll work himself into a tizzy about it until the job is done or he’s burnt out. Rarely fails at completing tasks, but has been known to spell his own demise by getting stress-sick or otherwise working himself up too much. Sometimes (read: all the time) he’s convinced he’s going to fail, drop out, & become homeless. Has a hard time looking at the silver lining when it comes to his own life, even if he is generally uplifting of others. These days he’s chilled out considerably since university but still tends to forget to take care of himself. 

O2 x. Fanatical - Becomes obsessed with tasks, no matter the subject. Kind of a perfectionist & will work himself until he can’t anymore. Sometimes scares people with just how much he cares about things. Tends to go over & beyond what is expected or even wanted sometimes. It has landed him a couple of nice promotions up into the present day though. The only thing that’s changed since his university days is that he almost needs something to obsess over or he’ll remember how pointless it all really is. 

O3 x. Hard-Working & Studious - Can be depended on to put in the proper effort & do it right. Rarely spends time not doing something productive and frequently multitasks. It’s not that he’s particularly giften in the brain department, he’s about average really, but the constant studying earned himself A’s throughout school and now a pretty swaggin job. Definitely not a quitter and pretty stubborn about finishing things and doing it right. 

O4 x. Companionly - A good and trusting friend through and through. That mom friend at the party making sure you stay hydrated. Enjoys spending time with others no matter the occasion, wether that be his sports friends or study buddies. Loves his friends a little too much & tends to be really touchy. Expect many hugs & cuddles. Would do anything for his friends, sometimes a little too much, even if they don’t ask for it. Easy to get along with if you can handle his eccentricities. These days, Julian is still the same old friendly guy but with a more professional vibe. 

♦ (wanted) connections ♦ 

Past (2010) O1 x. Drugdealer - Julian is usually pretty responsible but his need to work as much as possible has led him down a dangerous path, study drugs. Looking for someone who can deal him the good stuff to get him through on minimal sleep. Might involve a bit of debt.  O2 x. Bad Influence - Julian is pretty goody two shoes but I’d love to have someone pull him out to parties (get him out of the library) - make him live a little and not totally regret working through his best years.  O3 x. Mom? - Julian is pretty well known for being that mom friend, so if you need some good influencing, you’ve come to the right place! Just looking for some people he can take care of and be overbearing on.   O4 x. College Sweetheart - Someone he’ll lay down the books for unconditionally, really. He may be a workaholic but he’s also a romantic at heart. Open to any gender.  O5 x. Platonic Cuddles - Julian is just really touchy in general so someone he can just cuddle with without it being weird would be chill. Need some of that wholesome stuff in my life.  O6 x. Good Influence - Julian is usually the good influence but I was thinking someone who brings him food, reminds him to eat, reminds him to sleep, and all that good self care shit he probably needs help with.  Present (2020)  O1 x. Significant Other - Someone he comes home to at the end of the day. Can be married, but maybe not. Take care of my dumbass. Open to any gender. Maybe they dated in uni, doesn’t really matter. Not really set on any details here so let’s talk about it!  O2 x. Uni Friends - People he still hangs out with. Julian mostly stuck around the LA area so anyone else around hit a brother up ✌️  O3 x. Unresolved Tension - Idk maybe someone he had a crush on or vice versa? Make it awkward and weird because I love that. Bring up old memories and feelings.  O4 x. Why weren’t we friends before? - Someone he wasn’t friends with in uni, but somehow met after the fact or maybe they were enemies. Someone he butted heads with but now they’re basically best friends?? 

These are really just some thoughts I had & I might add more later but I’m open to anything and everything so let’s talk about it!! Ofc I’m still looking for more generic plots like friends, hookups, enemies, etc, etc. The possibilities are endless! 

And that’s the end! If you read it all you’re the coolest but it’s also okay if you didn’t because that was a whole lot of bullshit tbh. 

[helpmehelpyouplease]

Being a step parent isn’t for the faint of heart, people. I truly don’t know how people keep their sanity. I’m a 27 year old step mom to a 16 year old girl and 13 year old girl (their Dad who is 8 years older than me was 18 and 21 when they were born, so he’s a young dad and I’m a very young step mom). I’m currently pregnant with their half-brother, due in February. I met the girls when they were 12 and 9 and moved in with their dad when they were 14 and 11 - so we were living together when they were with their dad (50%). I married their dad when they were 15 and 12.

Mom is crazy, and has been from day one of my introduction. She doesn’t want me to “replace” her - she’s the mom. Sweetheart, the LAST thing I want to do is replace you. I’ve got enough of my own shit going on to be a good mom to a 16 year old girl and 13 year old girl. When they are with their dad and me, I’ll be there for them. I cook dinner, I help w homework, I cart them to soccer and basketball practice when dad is working late, etc. However, I am not mom. I’m very close to my mom, and I know how special that relationship is - she’s my best friend, my rock, my confidant. I would never try to replace that relationship, or even tarnish it in any way. However, she is still very threatened. I believe she has a low self worth - so it’s truly her issue. She has never spoken more than one word to me. She has never reached out to try to get to know me, or be on the same page as the other woman in her daughters’ lives. She simply communicates to my husband via short worded emails regarding information for their daughters and issues she has with me. I’m not quite sure if she realizes that he’s been sharing her communication since we started dating 6 years ago or not. But every time you call me a bitch or tell him vehemently that I’m not the mom and I have no rights as a “parent” - I am made aware. For no other reason than to make sure my husband and I have no secrets and are on the same page. My feelings don’t need to be protected as much as I need to know when someone is attempting to talk shit about me to my husband. Per my advice, he never responds to her complaints about me, more than to say “our communication should be limited to our daughters if you cannot be civil regarding my family”.

Idk about you all, but if I had two teenage daughters living with my ex from high school (who I barely know now that we are both in our mid 30s and haven’t been together in 12 years) and his wife - I would be making her my BEST FRIEND. We’d be chatting all the time about what the girls are up to, who they’re friends with (as friendships in teenage girl world can be fluid and ever-changing), who they like, who they’re dating, etc. I would make sure that the communication between both households was rock solid so nothing slipped through the cracks. Men can’t communicate like women (no offense guys, girls just have the gift of gab), so I’d go through step mom who clearly has a relationship with my daughters - it would be different if step mom wasn’t involved or was checked out. Not this b. She does nothing to create communication. And truly, in my opinion it’s her responsibility. You are the “mom” right?? Not my job to open lines of communication- I’d hate to overstep as you’ve accused me of it before.

I think she is self conscious and will never love herself enough to put herself out there to create a relationship with me, her daughters’ step mom. You can say what you want about being tied to your kids for 18 years - that shit is for life. So you’ll see me, Mom, at graduations and weddings. Hopefully the girls stay close (like I am to my parents and you are to your parents) and have family over for holidays when they have their own kids - ya might see me then too! I’m birthing at least one of their siblings, eventually two if the Lord allows. They will be tied to their siblings longer than you and I will be on this earth, which means they will have a connection to my family. Wouldn’t you want to get to know me and my family?

It truly baffles my mind.

While Mom is crazy, Dad also has issues. Yes, he is my husband. Yes, I love him immensely. Yes, he is the father of my future son. But he wasn’t put on this earth and reared to be the best part time dad married to a step mom. Who is? I think others might do it better, but I’ve never met any so maybe everyone has their struggles with shared custody and “new” relationships. We have power struggles because I was raised in a Matriarchal family and he was raised in a Patriarchal family. The struggle can get real lol. His last line is “they’re my kids, so it’s my say”. HOLD UP. They’re YOUR kids so YOU have the say. Are they your kids and it’s your day when I get home from work at 4:30 and start dinner right away so the kids can eat by 5/5:15 to be able to have it digested and be at practice by 6 - which is when you get home from work? Or am I doing the parenting at that moment - as I’m feeding them, which is a parent’s job? Are they your kids when they have an algebra text the next day and I’m making a practice test for them to study because I minored in math and college and it’s easy for me to help? Or am I helping with parenting in an aspect? Are they your kids when I’m buying them clothing for the school year, summer, Christmas, and birthdays because I’m a woman and know what’s in and they’re more comfortable with me going bra shopping than with dad? Or am I a partial parent in that moment? Am I not exercising parental action when I’m home alone with them from 4-6 after school and you’re still at work and they start fighting and I have to tell them to stop or exercise a punishment - like a babysitter would should they be in her care?

This is what I don’t get. You watch tv shows with step-parents, and parents are very quick to say the step-parent isn’t a parent and they have no rights. Well we give teachers and babysitters and caregivers rights and they aren’t parents - so what exactly is the difference from a step-parent? And if I’m helping my husband pay the bills, should I not get a say in where we are spending the bills? Sometimes money affects parental decisions as well. It’s our money, so I get a say. Maybe we can’t afford to get your daughter a car when she gets her license at 17 because we have a baby in daycare. Parental decision due to limited funds. This is what I don’t understand. Mom, you think I can’t parent because I’m a step-parent. Guess what? It’s irresponsible for you to say that. If you want a child who you have 100% parental rights over - then marry a man and have a child with him. Otherwise, the children you share custody of with a man you are no longer with will always have 50% influence from another parent that isn’t you or your significant other. And most likely an additional parental figure, who is married to their father. SIMPLE. The best way to make sure your opinions in parenting are being heard is to get chummy w step mom. BUT you won’t ever do that. So you’ll never understand the 100% custodial rights and decision making. I’m sorry for you, but that’s the truth. Deal with it.

Maybe in February my viewpoint will change, when I become a mother myself. 🤷‍♀️ but I’m gonna say I doubt it. This is just common sense, people. You’re all too close to the subjects to understand how you’re being toxic.

Ladies, I’m going to leave you with some advice. If you meet a man that has kids, RUN! If you say fuck it, I don’t need to be serious w him and meet the kids, you’re stupid. Because you’re going to “fall in love” with this man, create a life with him, and marry him. THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE WITHOUT KIDS THAT IS JUST AS GREAT AS HIM. Truly, it’s not worth your stress. Moms are crazy. Dad’s are dumb. Being a stepparent is hard as f. It is not for the faint of heart. If you’re thinking about it, just know that it doesn’t get better. There will always be a struggle - even if it’s peaceful for a while. They didn’t work for a reason, so what makes us think their coparenting will be 100% peaceful?

[whatifididsomethingnew]

Take Your Medication

I’m a college freshman in my second semester. I’ve been struggling with depression and ADHD for who knows how long, but I was diagnosed(i think? idk if it was official) in my freshman year of high school and given medication for it sometime in my senior year.

I didn’t take the medication very often. I started off strong, taking the ADHD medication especially to get me through classes and make sure the dosage lasted me to sixth period, my worst class at the time. But over the summer I stopped because I decided that the positive effects didn’t make up for the side effects: a lack of appetite and dry mouth.

Below the keep reading is my experience with mental illnesses and medication. It’s long. tl;dr If you have access to medication, take it. It helps. And make sure the dosage is right for you

 I’ve never been a bad student. Aside from failing algebra 2 in freshman year (ive never been good at “advanced” math, it was an IB class so even worse, and even better students agreed that the teacher was awful), I’ve gotten at worst 1-2 C’s per year. But since middle school I’ve found myself unable to pay attention, preferring to think about the book I want to read or the game I want to play or even just something else I started learning about. I figured out how to get by with finished homework and average tests. But I took about 6 AP tests in high school and only passed one, because I couldn’t study well enough to retain all the information I learned and forgot over the course, or pay attention to the exam to finish the multiple choice, or have enough foundation in the subject to write an essay that mattered at all.

This point in my life has almost certainly been my worst, depression-wise. I only live about twenty minutes away from my parents’ house, and I go home every weekend so I’m not just alone in my apartment for three days straight, but I’m still isolated during the week. My friends that are still in high school are busy with classes and extracurriculars and meeting with friends they still see everyday and very few of them have their own cars to drive up to visit me, and my friends in college are all busier than ever, all going to school anywhere from 15 minutes to like four hours away. My bad days are worse and happen more often and can span into bad weeks. I tend to write at best 1 page of notes after about 2 1/2 hours of classes a week, and drain my phone battery down to the sixties because I don't pay attention in lectures on subjects I’m not interested in. 

In high school I couldn’t wait for college, because I could choose my classes and the times and had the opportunity to make friends! But I realized I’m bad at making friends; I made one friend in kindergarten, when times were simpler, and all my lasting relationships (aside from my online friends, whom I treasure dearly) can be attributed to that one friendship. (I actually made a flowchart during class when another student was presenting, and I had the energy and motivation because I actually took my meds today!)

All this personal information about my Bad Times™ is to make you understand how much I needed to take my medication. But I don’t have classes everyday, so I didn’t think that taking ADHD meds everyday was worth it, and I (incorrectly) recalled that taking the depression meds didn’t help me enough to validate taking it everyday, instead only when it got really bad, but that plan didn’t work because when my depression is bad I don’t even have enough energy to text back or walk like four steps total to get my laptop, let alone walk to the bathroom and get the pills. 

So I didn’t take it, besides from when I worked my first 8-hour shifts at my first job. And those side-effects were extreme, because my body wasn’t used to these meds that were incredibly high in dosage because that’s what I need. I felt nauseous and dizzy enough to faint and went to the back room like four times an hour for a drink of water and it was still way less than I wanted. And I still didn’t learn my lesson about how the side-effects would get easier to handle if I took them more, but worse if I only took them on worst-case bases. I was thinking more in the moment about how bad I felt then, rather than about how I could feel better in the future if I pushed through.

I had a series of awful days, just last week. I cried several tears with no clear cause, only my own thoughts and boredom and depression, which means a lot in relation to me because I don’t cry. I watched Dear Evan Hansen and The Prom live, both with the original cast, and only cried a total of five tears at most, despite how these musicals and their subject matters are very dear to me. It was a bad week that came out of nowhere, nothing extraordinarily bad happened. I did the same thing as always, if not more. But still, it was a very bad week, because I was experiencing the heavy depression and it didn’t go away after I fell asleep. I don’t have classes on Wednesdays this semester; I have a lab on Mondays, and three lectures in a row on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I learned last semester that having enough leisure time to chill in my apartment for several hours between classes only makes going to the later class way more tedious. I usually get picked up by one of my parents on Thursdays while whichever of them it is drives home from work that day. That week I was lucky to have my Thursday classes cancelled, so I got picked up a day early. 

Being home is good for my health, adding it all up. It makes me a bit insecure about being independent, but fuck that I’m only 18 and I love my parents, I don’t need to be completely independent yet. Being home only improved when @pointlessoressential moved in with me; having someone so similar to me in regards of being content sitting and doing our own thing without the expectation to have something to Do™  all the time. It’s good for me, to have someone around me so I don’t get too isolated, but also not too overwhelmed. I’m usually pretty open with my mom, too, so being with her during the weekend and being able to talk with her or watch some easy TV together is good. I’ve never been very good at opening up to people; my main characterization with friends I’m not as close with is sarcasm and puns and whatever other humor to distract both of us from personal issues. I’ve been trying to get better, with help and reminders from the aforementioned bee and mom, as well as my best friend (who yes my meeting of and bonding with can indirectly be connected to that kindergarten friend, if you were wondering) who is much more skilled at telling me about her feelings than I am. But I’m trying. So I told my mom about how I had been having a bad week, once I got home.

My mom has dealt with depression her whole life, too. Most of her life she thought she also had anxiety, but when I was diagnosed with ADHD, the psychiatrist who had prescribed me the medications I take explained to both of us that ADHD in afab people (I'd say women bc my mom is cis but I'm nonbinary, so afab people) can be misdiagnosed as anxiety bc it’s different from what TV shows it to be, and the reactive anxiety (as opposed to constant, causeless anxiety from an anxiety disorder) is a symptom of ADHD. She’s dealt with the same issues all her life, so I go to her often when I hit the wall.

She told me to take the medication. I said I didn’t like the side-effects. She bought me mouthwash that helps dry mouth and a box of Rice Krispies Treats so I can eat something small but filling when I lose my appetite. She reminded me that the side-effects would improve if I took the medication more often. I am privileged in that I had the opportunity to see a doctor for my issues and be able to afford (even if barely) my medication, and I should take advantage of that instead of taking it for granted.

This is a long post, sharing my personal story about having mental illnesses, and how medication helps. It may not feel like it took effect, but then it’ll wear off and you’ll realize the difference. It’s better to feel stable, to feel “normal” for most of the day, than to get used to feeling awful. I took my medication this morning before class; I’ve taken about five hours to write this whole thing, due to having begun it before one lecture started, then continuing it during another while also listening to my professor review the first five chapters of Return of the King and discuss it with us. And now I’m in my apartment, on my laptop, switching between ending this PSA and checking on due dates and reviewing my calendar and just being 10 times more productive than I ever am.

I don’t know if anyone will need this advice. I don’t know how many will even click the read more. But this is a blog site, and this is something I’m trying to learn and have it remembered. It’s something I needed to put into words, and now it is.

[newl0ndonfire]

@wolfinogotbored (idk why I can’t tag you but I tag you in spirit) @lxnxlyghxst @murderhous @macaroni-necklace and whomever else saw and was interested

do any of y’all remember that story I mentioned writing a while back? I was going to post it for pride month but that didn’t happen since I was really tired thanks to work, so I’m sorry about that.

I wrote this story because this girl in my math class had to write a five(ish) page original story for her social justice class about a utopian or dystopian society that talks about something they talked about in class. her original idea was a utopian earth but all men were killed a century or more ago and if a baby is born male, the baby has a sex change so they become female. needless to say, this made me uncomfortable (why would you want to commit large-scale genocide against something people don’t choose? how is that a utopia? you do realize your teacher is a guy, right?), so I proposed a different story. she ended up liking my idea more but didn’t want to write it, so I told her I would because it was something I’d love to write myself.

anyways, I wrote this in like four hours and I doubt she proofread it, but it’s under the read more. comments and likes are appreciated!

Teachers and professors must either love listening to themselves speak or feel very passionately about what they teach, Nina muses.

As she walks home with her Catherine, her best friend for as long as either can remember, she ponders this and their teacher’s lesson, which they been released from only five minutes ago.

Nina can usually pretend to listen to her fellow blonde and best friend babble, unfortunately Nina simply can’t process what she’s saying today. They had their only class together this year today, but Catherine was whispering to Nina for the entire class.

Suddenly, Catherine turns to Nina and Nina can tell that she’s been caught.

“You know, we don’t have to walk and talk if neither of us are listening.”

“I’m sorry Catherine. Professor Roger’s lecture today wasn’t what I was expecting. I can’t stop thinking about all the years of meetings and debates that went into making the world like it is today.”

“It’s fine girl,” Catherine laughs, “I feel the same way. Can you imagine, a society that’s not separated by gender? It’d be so different.”

Nina smiles weakly at that, still lost in her thoughts. She distractedly says goodbye to Catherine, but knows that as best friends, she will be forgiven.

The walk to her apartment is still a few minutes longer, and Nina takes the time to reflect on how the world she knows came to be.

Differences between boys and girls had always been known, ever since humans first walked the earth. Oh sure, the differences were usually not too big of a deal, but 138 years ago, numerous world leaders gave up on appeasing both men and women with their proposed taxes, healthcare plans, insurance rates, and more by creating a city for men, a city for women, and a train connecting the two together that runs once in the morning and once at night every day. By keeping the two genders separate, it was believed that the governments of each city could better focus on the needs of its people as they relate to their gender. Besides, the cities themselves are often based off of stereotypes about the genders, but the people in the cities tend to be accepting of ideas and people who do not follow their city’s stereotypes.

As she turns around a corner, Nina can tell she is heavily distracted by her musing. Most people choose to either eat dinner or stay at home rather than venture outside at this time of night, as the sun has not been down long enough for it to be much cooler than the day was, so she is quite startled by plowing through and knocking over another person.

“Aaaaaaah!”

“Aaaaaahhhh! Please don’t kill me!” The person begs as they scramble backwards until their back hits the building’s wall.

Taking time to bring down her pulse, Nina peers at the shivering person in front of her. They are trembling in fear, covered in dirt, and wear little more than rags. Bruises and small cuts mottle their face, their skin is pale, oil and grime are clear to see in their brown hair, and their body looks slightly too skinny to be healthy. They clearly live on the streets, but Nina knows that there is both enough housing and food for everyone in Girl World. On first glance, the clothes appear to be dark grey or black, but Nina looks closer at the person’s clothes. The shadowy alley makes everything appear darker, but their clothes are too dark to belong to someone from Girl World.

“Are you, you know, a boy?”

The person whimpers and shies away, alarming Nina to the fact that she probably should have asked the question in a nicer way.

“Wait, no, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have that in that way,” Nina says as she crouches down to be at eye-level with the person. “Are you okay? What’s your name?”

“My name’s Jason, but I go by Jace”. The person curls inwards, as if they expect Nina to hit them.

“Alright Jace. Did you miss your train for Man Land?”

Jace’s eyes widen in fear. “No I-I don’t belong there. I know I was born and grew up with people thinking that I’m a guy, but I know I’m not.”

Nina has heard rumors of people feeling a similar way before. Alexa, a girl from her elementary school, told Nina about how she didn’t really feel like a girl most days and how she wished she was a boy instead. Nina didn’t understand at the time, but someone must have overheard them talk because the next day, Alexa was forced to sit on her own while the teachers looked at her with disgust. Alexa didn’t return to school after that, and all Nina can think about is how this is her chance to make something right in the world.

“It’s okay Jace,” Nina says soothingly. “I can’t say I understand how you feel, but I don’t think how you feel is wrong. You’re your own person and no one can tell you how to be yourself.”

Jace looks equal parts relieved and confused by that, as if she had never heard such a thing before. While Nina knows that her mom raised her to be far more open-minded than others, it seems impossible for someone to grow up without hearing similar reassurance from their parent or teachers.

“So, you don’t think I’m an abomination?”

Nina is thoroughly confused by Jace’s question. “How can you be evil for something you didn’t choose to be?”

Jace ducks her head down in shame, as if shedding tears at such a heavy subject was something to be ashamed of. “It’s what I was raised to believe.”

A lump forms in Nina’s throat, and she swallows before she can continue speaking to Jace. “You’re being yourself, and there’s no way someone can be wrong for being themself.”

Jace looks up, misty eyed and choking back tears. “Thank you.”

Nina offers a comforting smile to Jace. “You’re welcome.” Thinking once again of Alexa, Nina reflects on what she would be willing to give to Jace so that she can feel more comfortable with her gender given how she can’t feel more comfortable about her surroundings. “Are you here most nights? I can give you some of my unused or older clothes and stuff if you want.”

Jace’s smile at that shines despite the dim world around her.

                                                           ***

When she gets home, Nina goes through her nightly routine mechanically. She does her nightly aerobics and yoga, showers, eats dinner, and brushes her teeth in a daze. The same few questions swirl around her head.

Will Jace be safe tonight? How long has she been living on the streets? How many people feel the same as her? Is this normal for people like her?

She doesn’t rest easy that night.

                                                           ***

“Nina? Hello? Earth to Nina!”

Nina shakes her head, needing the physical reminder that staying in her own head doesn’t help anything. As much as she would love to help Jace more than she has been able to in the last week, outright telling someone about her would most likely not help her situation.

“Sorry Catherine. I’ve just been really distracted lately.”

Catherine quirks up an eyebrow at that. “I’ve noticed. You know, you can always talk to me about whatever you’re worrying about.”

Nina thinks about how to respond for a second and manages to only open her mouth before their teacher, Professor Judith Rogers, sweeps past and interrupts.

“I’m sure Nina appreciates the sentiment, but sometimes friends are simply not enough to help alleviate a problem”.

Both girls flash their Professors a smile, and they continue working, though Nina is still distracted.

                                                                       ***

“I’ve noticed recently that you’ve been distracted in class, Nina.” Professor Rogers clearly doesn’t pull any punches when she demands a private meeting. Her fingers are steepled yet her grandmotherly face provides Nina with the strength to finally tell someone about meeting Jace and how she’s been trying to help yet doesn’t understand how she can truly help her.

When Nina finishes, Professor Rogers simply lifts an eyebrow, as if asking if there was anything else Nina would like to share. “I had expected the world to change and start treating transgender people better a long time ago.”

Nina gasps while her mind begins racing with even more questions. What’s a transgender? Does it mean someone like Jace? Who does she know who has a similar secret to Jace’s? Is there a safe place for Jace to go where people will understand her? Is Professor Rogers like Jace?

Professor Rogers raises an elegant hand to stop Nina’s internal questions. “Before you ask, no I am not transgender myself. My wife - yes, teachers and professors can have private lives, thank you very much - was before she was murdered in the so-called accident eighteen years ago at one of the clothing factories in town. The supervisor at the factory where the incident occured believed that people were born either one gender or another. Frankly, I did as well, until I met my beloved Fran who showed me how that idea hurts people and kids like her.”

Nina is still shocked into silence by her beloved professor’s secret. She never would have guessed that about her professor!

“Thank you for bringing your friend - Jace, you said? - to my attention. I have known for a long time that change has been needed, but I did not realize how dire the situation was until you brought it up. I will talk to my supervisors immediately about this. Something has ought to be done, and fast. People deserve better.”

Nina is dismissed and walks out of the room shocked, yet hopeful for the future.

                                                                       ***

“…This change has been a long time coming, and I sincerely hope that it can help ease the strain of conforming to a set gender roles in the future. Thank you.”

Nina snaps back into focus when she hears people begin to clap after Girl World’s mayor finishes her speech. It’s only six months after she first met Jace, and already people have been incredibly willing to change and accept people who are questioning their gender or don’t see themselves as a boy or a girl. Plans for a slightly smaller city for the people “existing outside of the gender binary”, changes to the train tracks between Man Land and Girl World to include the new city, and an increase in the number of trains running between the cities each day would have seemed impossible only a few short months ago.

“Hey Nina, wait up!”

Nina turns, shocked at hearing Jace call out to her so openly, and even more so when she sees Catherine jogging alongside Jace.

“Hey. What’s up?”

Catherine and Jace both flash smiles at Nina. “Good news! I’m gonna be in your class with that professor you were telling me about! You know, the one who let the changes of today even happen.”

Nina’s mouth drops open in shock. “I’m so glad to hear that! When do you start?”

Jace flashes an even wider grin. “Today!”

Catherine claps Jace on the back. “I can’t wait for you to be in our class! You’re going to love Professor Rogers, I just know it.”

[calliecat93]

ST: TNG Watchthrough Episodes 13-16

Angel One: So... sadly one holdover from TOS at least so far is sexism. Not as badly, but it’s still VERY much present. The three leading ladies have all been put in s*xual/romantic relations at least once (though tbf they ALL are still very capable of their jobs so they got that right), off-handed remarks that rub me the wrong way, and then we have this episode. Now this COULD have been good such as going into the dangers of radical feminism (it exists, don’t pretend that it doesn’t) and showing what true feminism/equality should be against a sexist matriarchy that demeans/sexualizes men. Allow the women to show what feminism truly should be and maybe even open the men’s eyes to how demeaned and humiliated women can be treated when they are subjected to the same treatment. But we don’t. Crusher is allowed to be an awesome doctor which yes good, but Troi and Yar while competent are no more important than usual nor do any of the women (Crusher aside) truly drive the plot. Any demeaning treatment that men get especially equate to nothing (admittedly Riker just owning it is kind of nice, but still). The pieces were there, but not properly connected and thus all the pieces are scattered and confused. We also have Riker being FAR too much of a Kirk clone here. It has some bright spots with Geordi being a competent leader and again, Crusher is an awesome doctor who was just fantastic here. But otherwise had this done things properly, ot could have been bold for the time and imo the message of radical femenism is needed more than ever. The episode Equal Fighte from The Powerpuff Girls is an excellent wpisode showing the dangers and having strong women who are also positive role models lead the plot and deliver the message. But they failed here and I am FAR less forgiving of this than I am with TOS because we knew better by this point. 2/5.

11001001: More Holodeck shenanigans, yippee! It was... okay. Nothing great, but nothing terrible. I was excited about Holodeck enhancements... but all it did was create a woman to distract Riker and Picard. Which they go on and on about how more advanced she is to the other times but not only did we only have one other Holodeck episode, but she’s REALLY not that different from the holograms in that episode aside form her learning faster. The Binars manner of speech also got old VERY quickly. But otherwise there’s nothing particularly bad. Wesley is able to be smart without making the adults look like idiots, I liked Picard and Riker’s interactions and they felt like a genuine Captain and First Officer standing together, and the Binars actual motivation and reasons for taking the Enterprise instead of being another evil alien species was nice. Also the musicals core was really good, which can be said for every episode thus far. It’s a decent episode with some nice points, but otherwise unremarkable with not enough moments to justify a higher rating than what I’m giving the initial watchthrough. 2.5/5.

Too Short a Season: Ah aging, it happens to all of us one way or another. Apparently this episode got mixed reviews because of the make-up and overacting... but I actually liked this one quite a bit. Maybe Jameson got too much focus over the cast, but I don’t think that either the story or the theme were bad at all. This could just be because I’ve recently seen someone who is getting older express distress over becoming old, but I did feel empathetic towards Jameson. He was old, fragile, and deteriorating, and such a state is gut-wrenching to both the individual and the one caring for them forced to watch it, helpless to do anything. In some ways it’s tragic especially when Jameson dies in a manner much more brutal than a natural one from old age. But he also did all this without thinking of his wife and her thoughts, grew more arrogant the younger that he got, and brought his ultimate fate onto himself because of his irrationality. There’s a theme of age and youth here, and shows how de-aging/trying to cheat death will end badly for you. It makes me think a lot about events like my grandmother dying while just deteriorating and my grandfather having a hard time dealing with it. Maybe that’s why this hit me so much, IDK. But that made me feel especially bad for Annie who is helpless as her husband dies and her final moments with him made me teary eyed. It’s not a perfect episode with some of the acting being a little off, but otherwise I really liked this one! Also I couldn’t help but think of McCoy, who is still kicking in his 130’s as the pilot demonstrated, getting an offer for de-aging... and him just giving them all two middle fingers, delivering a MAJOR tirade/rant about all the medical and ethical violations such a treatment would cause in the wrong hands (and BOY does he know that it would be too easily abused), and the mental image just made me smile so big XD. 4/5.

When the Bough Breaks: Child kidnapping! Ho boy! So we have a society kidnap children, including Wesley, in hopes of saving their dying society. Needless to say, this is a HORRIBLE thing to do. I was fully expecting to be annoyed at this episode since... well an episode with mostly kids int his kind of show is VERY easy to do wrong. TOS’ And The Children Shall lead, while I admit I was probably too harsh and it does have some merits that I’ll try to give whenever I do a full review, is still my least favorite episode at least in part due to the kids. Fortunately, this one is fairly tolerable. Whatever I feel about how Wesley is often portrayed, he is intelligent and Wil Wheaton is a good actor. In a situation like this, Wesley can be competent and intelligent especially since he’s trying to both save himself and younger children. It helps make him look noble and brave despite being a naive kid who can grow into a capable Starfleet officer one day without making the actual adults look incompetent in comparison. Also major props to Dr. Crusher for keeping her head and still being a competent officer and badass doctor despite having every reason to go ballistic/panicked after her son’s kidnapping. God I love her~! I feel bad for the people who clealry want children to love as their own... but it sitlld oens’tjustify their God awful actions and they got off super easy . While not as bad as I was expecting, the episode overall was just okay. Nothing great, nothing bad, and nothing remarkable enough to justify the final ranking. But it was otherwise fine and helped me like Wesley more, so that was nice. Oh and Picard being awkward with children was hilarious and cute especially at the end, haha! 3/5.

Sorry I put this on hold until the weekend again. Half was due to other stuff, the other half was due to... well, my mom was a TNG fan. She works at home, but her days are very busy aside from the weekends. So I have been trying to hold it off so that we can both watch it together. My way of making up for the 20+ years of refusing to do so until now, haha. I’ll try to speed it up with the upcoming week since we’re nearing the end of the season. While the season is still meh, the cast is really growing on me and there are some bright spots still that help with character and wanting to keep watching despite the story quality. Which since I know it gets real good int he later seasons, is encouraging. Easter is tomorrow and we are expecting company (just two people, no risks of virus or anything) so IDK if I’ll make it to TNG tomorrow, but I’ll try my best. If not, I will force myself to resume Monday.

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode #8 “CAN YOU SAY MESS” -Cindi

https://youtu.be/kJt8-zZe8Ck

-this is fucked up i have to confess tribal is in 4 mins.. theres a bunch of stuff about this vote why do people know zch is in a 5 person alliance .. . .. . .. . . . . . why is cindi voting out zach why do i have individual immunity lmao i want zach on the jury ://////////

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNbHN000ka8

-alright ladies we made it to the merge. finally back together with Gavin loml. also it seems that Jess, Zach and Keegan missed me as well based on how the whole touchy subjects thing went for me so thats cute. ALSO TIMMY Z IS HERE AND WE ONLY HAVE TO CALL HIM TIMMY BECAUSE THE OTHER ONE IS GONE!!! side bar: timmy and i are bestie pals and im so excited to finally be on a tribe together umm thats pretty much all i've got for now. also there are only 5 OG Annie's left in this game and 3 of them are working with me for the moment so I think I am in a pretty decent spot. apparently the OG Annies called me and Jess threats so they can go honestly. but half of them are already gone now i think so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-this tribal is about to be really messy and im really tired of cindi's bullshit about refusing to change her vote

-MERGE BABY!!!! WOOOOOO~!!!  So, This tribe seems cool!I;m mainly excited i made merge. My allies are currently Keegan, Jess and I think Gavin. I want to ally with the people I haven't played with yet. sorry this is short

-So I feel like I was totally on the bottom after the Jay vote. I feel like I can’t turn to my old allies (although I have) and like. In touchy subjects when I was voted most likely to be voted out next I had like one person come to me and be like “oh that’s so not true. I don’t see you as next” but like. I wasn’t even surprised that I got it. I am kinda relying on allying with new people but you can’t force people to ally without you. Everytime I have tried to ally with people I have already played with it fails. So now that narrows it down to Collin, Cindi, and maybe Rachael. But I need To get close to them first. Collin also knows how I played in Tashirojima. He has brought it up to me 2 separate times now, so I’m scared he might think I’m going to play like that again and try and target me or something. Idk. I’m just a big ball of scared.

-So 5 people of got immunity. I got like 9th. I'm real upset about it. I know it doesn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Anyway. I;m like 90% sure I;m going home but I'll try my best to ya know. not. I really hope I can work with collin although I don't really have an alliance. so lets see how this goes.

https://youtu.be/wLA8Pt4bXlQ

https://youtu.be/r-8Y2n2NGJo

-Welcome to Merge O' Clock! We finally made the merge, although unless I'm dumb (which is entirely possible) we haven't yet made the jury. The post says a final 3 with 9 jury members, and there is 13 of us left. Interesting. But anyways, I made the merge and I'm super happy about that. It's very exciting to win the previous season and actually be in the running to win this season. Like I feel like I've played a pretty good game so far and I have enough alliances and strong bonds to make it far. Unless I get targeted for that reason. In terms of trust rankings, lemme do that real quick: Most Trusted JESS ZACH GAVIN RACHAEL TIMMY BIRCH CINDI CHIPS BODHI ALI = RUTHIE = COLLIN I've currently got my Canadian Alliance with JESS and BIRCH, as well as an alliance with GAVIN, ZACH and RACHAEL. There's also the alliance with TIMMY, GAVIN, JESS and ZACH thought I don't know if that one will stick around much. I'm trying hard to build a relationship with CINDI, who is amazing. If I can get all these things aligned, we can vote out RUTHIE, ALI, CINDI, CHIPS, COLLIN and BODHI before there's really anything to worry about. But the game is never that easy. My biggest goal right now is to make sure I win immunity for this first vote. The first merge vote can be super telling where everyone is standing and I need to make sure that the target doesn't somehow fall on me. I have to stay safe for at least this vote. 

-Guess who’s immune at the merge tribal council! THIS GUY! And also COLLIN, JESS, GAVIN and BODHI. Surprise twist where five people win immunity, which is crazy. I’m mostly just vibing right now and seeing where people’s heads are at. Been having some nice conversation with ALI, COLLIN and CINDI. Will I work with them ever? I’m not sure. I’m very happy that JESS and GAVIN are safe. I trust them a lot and hope we can work together moving forward. I just need to make sure I keep my head low enough to avoid a target but high enough that people know this is my game to win. 

-So if everything I have been told so far is true, this is going to be a very messy vote. Initially it was BIRCH and CHIPS whose names were on the line but as the day progressed it became between ZACH and BIRCH. And honestly there is merit in voting for either of them. ZACH is a very good player with a metric crap tonne of connections but I've also been loyal to him since the start of the game. BIRCH could be a super loyal ally moving forward but I've also betrayed them at a previous point in the game. Currently, it seems like BIRCH, CHIPS, RUTHIE, GAVIN are for sure voting for ZACH. Currently, it seems like ZACH, RACHAEL, CINDI, COLLIN are for sure voting for BIRCH. But also as I was typing this out, BODHI created an alliance chat with COLLIN, GAVIN, JESS and myself. I'm not even sure if it's an alliance or if BODHI just wanted to make a joke about the Illuminati. Mom? Come pick me up I don't want to be here anymore. 

-okay so its merge time... and i've been doing bad at confessing because i've been going through it but its time to reassess and get back into GEAR. so timmy died last tribal, he was kinda being bananas and targetting rachael in a really flawed way (bodhi would've probably been the move). i like rachael even though i'm about to come after her friendgroup full force, and it just wasn't the time. also... timmy is the only person i've played with multiple times who has outplaced me each time so KJFDSA... was biased to end that. only other risk of that on this tribe is bodhi, but might be sending him packing sooner rather than later. anyway so merge and first things FIRST. I FINALLY. FINALLY. get put on a tribe with JESS. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR MY SPIDERMAN POINTING AT SPIDERMA QUEEN. i'm telling her too much (me telling j-names too much who is shocked), but we are gonna mob boss it as two tribe figureheads and keep it PUSHING. Otherwise I love gavin… I used my connection with sarah g to him for clout because im shameless but I love him and he seems relatively disconnected on the tribe… he looks like kori who would catfish games so im like looks around but he gives good energy hope he likes me. chips is a SWEETHEART and was also on the bottom so looking to scoop him up. Okay so birch. Birch is lovely, birch played in my first tumblr survivor season. Birch has SO much personality… in chats of 2+ people, but in our PMs a better name for them is the SAHARAH. Love your lack of energy, go give us NOTHING. But what can you do. I ALSO might need them in even tho if I get one more ‘Nice!’ from them as a response I will perform walking from the cast. Keegan hasn’t messaged me yet…taps foot. Will not be messaging a MAN first not on my watch. Zach is sweet but he is a CHILD AND I DON’T TRUST CHILDREN IN games. I also just booby trapped him in the idol hunt so… looks around. I also have one key and I need ONE MORE TO get into this mystical last book which im ON A MISSION TO DO. In other news collin leaked the 6 person alliance so looks around… that man has such  white gay who wins games energy and im not having it. Ideal Bootlist: Zach > Keegan > Bodhi > Collin > Cindi > Birch > Timmy > Rachael > Chips > Jess (F3: Me/Ruthie/Chips)

-okay so im deflated again. first off, the conglomerate of friends has got to go its so frustrating, the mesopotamia/svalbard gathering is really really disaster. they make their friend group so obvious and yet there is nothing we can do. the zach/collin/rachael/bodhi/cindi (?) svalbard/mesopotamia, PLUS people who voted with zach like keegan/timmy. its just so ANNOYING, can people WISE UP. i love jess, and im so so excited to work together but she also can be so slippery and wishywashy so its a real.. looks around, we need to wake cindi up. in other news... this tribe is really okay with letting collin win. he is misting EVERYONE and everyone is just sitting there and letting it happen. he has such white gay who just wins this game and everyone is gonna just LET HIM. final man i wanna complain about is keegan. LISTEN SIR, you will not catch me messaging a man first, so if you are upset about us having not spoken... then message me. then speak to me. dont tell people we havent spoken when i've made JUST AS MUCH EFFORT AS YOU. its not my fault you are so unbelievably dry in pms. grrrr i just HATE men and i have to deal with SO MANY on this tribe.

-okay so. we are maybe voting out the child i truly do not know. jess, gavin and cindi never dissed. open to working with me, not relying exclusively on pregame connections, literal legends. chips and birch are literally making it so hard to save them, they both have the biggest mouths i've EVER seen and the subtlety of a reversing truck. they have SUCH big mouths and are making the odds of a zach idol play INCREDIBLY high. also zach can go making majority alliances without me, its shenanigans like this that get you merge boot Sir.

-so im sitting on call with cindi as we plot the end of the zach. this is so sad i feel bad for him even tho this is definitely a good move for me AHHhhh.

-I'm crossing my fingers that I somehow pulled out a win for this creative comp (I doubt it because it looks like a toddler drew my tree house) because I have been very anti social! I've been talking to people in PM's a bit but the chat is just too many people and going too fast for me, LOL.   I just hope our little group of four will stick together.  I haven't talked to them as much since we merged but I guess it is good that we are all mingling and trying to maybe find some cracks? I've talked to Chips, Jess and some of the others from the merged tribe a good bit. 

Tea time!  So Chips wants to get Collin, Cindi, Rachael, Zach or Bodhi out because they are in some kind of alliance for some games they were in? I don't know I didn't know they were all so well connected lol. Alsooo Jess and I have a two person alliance consisting of ourselves that we are referring to as the Jills heh heh.  I guess right now I'm closest to Jess?  I am going to tell her whatever I hear name wise and feel she will do the same to me and I'm hoping that we can like, feed each other information and go to the end while also working with other people if that makes sense.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOgNIykteiM&feature=youtu.be

This round is a split between Zach and birch for who is going home this week. My treehouse got 6th so I sadly missed the immunity mark This week could possibly come down to just 1 vote. That’s why Zach and I traded powers so we can know who voted with who so we can make sure we understand who is voting where for next round. 

so I mad it to the merge! Good stuff! Anyway, the immunity challenge had a twist where multiple people are immune. And i am not. Thats what I get for taking a picture of a tree with 🦕! After results I hear no one saying a name and I don't like that because I don't want whatever random alliance that has already formed dictating... so I decide I'm going to spread Zach. I think he stands a good shot of success because he is well of not only in meta-gaming with relationships but also controlled the premerge. Sooooo I started saying him. Anyway, I am hoping people are actually voting with him them I will feel comfortable to make an alliance. Cindi is part of or immediately under the core group that has taken it upon themselves to say names. I heard from her they originally wanted to do my name because "easy" and not as well liked on the tribe. They were between me and Birch but Cindi said no thanks to me. Anyway, they have been spreading Birch and I have been spreading Zach and now I know it is between the two. If Zach has a power and takes control this round I am still happy I planted the seed and he should not be long for the game. Also, if they do not follow through in voting Birch and vote me instead I will feel better about my self for doing something because I feel loke I've really let down the hosts with how inactive I have been with the move. Hope bringing the drama redeems me just a little.

SO WHAT IS NOT THE TEA. LEAKING ASS LEAKERS IS NOT THE TEA. I'm in a giant alliance with Svalbard/Mesopotamia people and I'm like that is chill or whatever. But Gavin somehow knows about this alliance but doesn't know that I'm in it? So, like, uhhh don't like that. Don't want to fucking be associated with a majority alliance. Plus I don't want Chips being on the bottom. I love Chips. But love the way that Birch decided it was me voting them out? Also that they decided to just, like, give a name of everyone voting with them to Zach, who we're voting out. CAN YOU SAY MESS.

AHHHH! okay so this round has been absolutely CHAOTIC. from the stress of meeting so many new people, and trying to secure my place in this game going forward, to spending HOURS building a treehouse in the sims and being one of the five people to win immunity because of the twist i picked a few rounds ago (thanks for EXPOSING ME BY THE WAY). but going into the round, i honestly had my sights set on zach. he was by far the most connected and well-rounded player in the merge in my opinion, and something needed to be done about it. so, with that i (along with jess) had our work cut out for us. this move needed to happen NOW, or it might just never happen. together, we went around and planted seeds, spread information, and made sure that people realized zach not only had alliances with them, but everyone else in the game as well. i felt like i had made pretty strong connections with ali, cindi, and ruthie, and those were definitely three people we would need to make this move happen. so, we got to work spreading zach's name (with birch somehow exposing everyone but me basically). the hardest part for me was lying to rachael because i love her so much, but she was one of the people that were too close to zach. i knew i needed him to go, so she would be closer to me... but with that comes regaining and rebuilding the trust lost by lying to her as well, so once again, i have my work cut out for me in a totally different way--it will take time, but i think she will realize that she does need me, i just need to prove it to her.

https://youtu.be/KoXLMf5QhxI

https://youtu.be/8g2eyHMOZbI

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Click HERE to watch the Round 8 (merge) Cast Assessment!

[hakureiryuu]

SENSE8 SEASON 2 ALRIGHT ALRIGHT

i am growing just a tiiiiiiiny bit frustrated with the way kala and wolfgang keep flipflopping on their feelings about each other. i get annoyed when shows milk some “will they or won’t they” trope for all it’s worth, but so far it’s still well within my tolerance. and that’s largely because of the characters and the performances their actors give them.

i mean, they go back and forth not only to the audience, but to each other. wolfgang falls in love with kala but pushes her firmly away at the end of s1, then can’t keep himself from commenting “we’re perfect for each other” in the christmas special. he tells kala she deserves better than him, then scolds her for denying her feelings towards him. he fools around in every direction, ostensibly to distract himself (or to allow the writers to assert his masculinity idk), but gives no indication of how much he misses kala until he tells her. 

i’m not saying the tension isn’t there. i just felt like it could have been much more pronounced, for how loudly the fandom raves about it.

kala, meanwhile, flipflops much more openly, and i’ve come to understand it’s largely due to her upbringing. what she wants clashing with what she feels is right is a story that’s been told since the beginning of time. it may feel a bit tired here, but kala’s actress is phenomenal and plays every conflict across her face in perfect detail.

moreover, kala is, in essence, the “rebellious princess” in the middle of a (vastly showed down and picked apart) process of rejecting her life of ease and privilege in favor of something she views as more meaningful and fulfilling. leaving a place of comfort and walking into the unknown is a scary thing, and that’s probably why she married rajan in the first place, why she stayed with him despite every chance he gave her to back out. i understand it now, and it’s interesting to watch her distance herself from her privileged life in baby steps. 

not to mention it’s really fucking gratifying that the only reason all this flipflopping started was because they wouldn’t communicate with each other about their feelings in the first place. like, THAT i’ll buy. normally i hate miscommunication tropes but this one managed to nail it as something truly touching. i just wish it was brought up sooner, before they finally said it to each other.

also i was incredibly pleased that my wish from the christmas episode was fulfilled - kala was/is instrumental in will’s treatment and recovery, as she should be. ^_^

I AM UNREASONABLY EXCITED ABOUT DANIELLA’S RELATIONSHIP WITH LITO AND HERNANDO I MEAN I KNOW PEOPLE WILL FEEL LIKE IT “TAKES AWAY” FROM THE GAY REPRESENTATION SOMEHOW AND I KNOW SHE’S A BIT FETISHIZING OF THEM (dammit dani stop taking pictures of gay dudes haven’t you learned your lesson yet?) BUT I’M JUST SO THRILLED FOR THIS WEIRD MIXTURE OF POLYAMORY AND QUEERPLATONIC IT IS MY LIFEBLOOD AND I NEED MORE OF IT

they call each other family. oh my god.

i am almost as excited for a black bi/pansexual woman dating a man. zakia is gr8 okay? she needs more development but she is gr8. NO BI ERASURE TO BE SEEN HERE NOPE

(now if only they could lay off the ace erasure siiiiigh)

how come they couldn’t do e-death on will too? he has even less to lose by it than nomi does at this point. or was that just too big of a deus ex machina? sun would also benefit but her incarceration was way too public for it to be forgotten just by erasing the data, so that one i get at least.

the idea of nomi being indebted to fucking Anonymous is hilarious to me for some reason. can’t wait to see where that plot thread leads XD

riley continues to be my fucking role model. so cautious and clever and sure-footed. most of all, she’s healed. she wandered for years without a reason to live, a hurricane of depression and self-destruction. now that she’s a sensate, she has a purpose again. and yeah, there’s elements of “rescue romance” in there, but damn if i don’t have a weakness for that trope. plus she goes from being rescued right into doing the rescuing, so i think that redeems the trope by a lot.

i’m glad they went a tiny bit further into the repercussions of being nigh-constantly high on heroin for almost a year, though it wasn’t nearly enough imo. i mean this isn’t a show about drug addiction so i forgive them, but i still think will’s (almost) perfect recovery from all that bullshit was very, very contrived. 

how did will’s dad recognize him through riley? i’d be willing to buy some bullshit explanation of heightened global consciousness when approaching death, but they didn’t even mention it. i would have been sadder if will hadn’t been able to say anything at all, but now i’m just confused. 

i still don’t really like will’s dad. half the scenes of him being happy or laughing in that montage were of him laughing at will’s expense.

poor will though. he’s kind of having his entire life fall apart around him. i wonder if he’ll fall to pieces too, later down the line.

sometimes i forget that all these characters are meant to be the exact same age as me (28). it’s easy to because all the actors look something like late-thirties, and most of them had stable employment nice homes before all this happened. then will says something #relatable like “our generation doesn’t get to have nice things” and i go “oh yeah”.

so like i appreciate a lot that white savior narratives were brought up in capheus’s storyline but i give side-eye at the fact that capheus disagreed with this concept. however it was done quite well (and couched within the epic “who am i” god i love these overlays) because capheus more or less admitted he could be wrong in his opinion, AND that it was just his opinion. not to mention that zakia is portrayed as very intelligent and reasonable in her own right, and entitled to her feelings on the subject as well. i hope so much we see more speeches from her in the future, because i want to hear her thoughts on PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.

i’m not sure how i feel about capheus running for elected office. it seems so... out of place? i mean i know his character has to go somewhere, but this seems an odd direction to move in. i mean some form of governor or congressman equivalent is one thing, but amondi said something about him being president? does that mean of the entire country?? 

(i have no idea how kenyan government is run.)

of course it does give an excellent platform for the inspiring speeches and amazing one-liners on which this show runs, so i’ll allow it and see where this whole thing goes. besides, even though the plot is strange, they’re at least playing it smart. capheus already had a lot of notoriety, and it didn’t take much more than his charm to go from notorious to inspiring.

but then he took an impromptu flight to paris right in the middle of his campaign so tHAT’S NOT GONNA LOOK WEIRD AT ALL.

side note: where did he get the money for the flight? i mean i know his bus business is booming and he and his mom live in a slightly bigger hovel now, but that doesn’t mean he has hundreds in savings to blow on a flight. he’s still delighted by a coffee-maker for goodness sake (my precious shining innocent happy child).

or it could be money from his party for his campaign. in which case EVEN MORE TOTALLY NOT SUSPICIOUS.

that superpower guy, whatever his name is? i goddamn love his accent okay? i could listen to him talk all day.

capheus finding out kala’s company was likely responsible for his mother’s poor health in s1 was both heartbreaking and very cathartic. rajan had zero self-awareness there; like he said, it’s just one of those things you don’t even think about until someone points out how disgusting it is.

as good a guy as he otherwise is, i’m a little suspicious of his apology. he’s been pretty dismissive toward kala in the workplace, and i’m wondering if he’s just paying lip service to her.

and then, of course, there’s ajay. i get the creeps whenever he walks in, and i know that’s intentional. THAT BOX TERRIFIED ME FOR LIKE 2 WHOLE EPISODES UNTIL IT WAS OPENED I LEGIT THOUGHT IT WAS A BOMB.

wolfgang’s gang-kingdom plot was... just as incomprehensible/uninteresting to me as it was during the christmas special? and even then i felt like it was a highly abridged version of what they were initially going for. that giant fight on new year’s led to nothing. wolfgang and felix hang out with a creepily generous dude who Expects Things in return for his generosity. wolfgang knows this but only rejects him outright when he is asked outright, keeping whatever “good faith” tokens that came his way like an idiot. and let’s be fair, i’d be the first to do that sort of thing - accept bribes to Do A Thing, only to Not Do The Thing and exploit the doubletalk that surrounds such interactions to deny accountability. BUT. NOT. WHEN. DEALING. WITH. MURDERERS.

 jesus wolfgang do you have a death wi- oh wait.

lila is... flat? as a character? she’s a sexpot and that’s kind of all. i’m a little disappointed that she’s so underdeveloped but maybe we’ll get more of her in the future. 

puck is vile and i hate him. i almost hate that he rescued sun but at least she got to break his toes. i mean does he GENUINELY BELIEVE half the shit he says or does he just enjoy making women uncomfortable? i’m not sure which is worse.

but when he said he’s personally connected to over 300 sensates that kind of blew my mind. that’s a hell of a lot of potential for our cluster, y’know? the possibilities are dazzling.

THE ARCHIPELAGO IS SO FUCKING COOL LIKE THAT ENTIRE VISUAL SEQUENCE WAS PHENOMENAL AS USUAL BUT ALSO THE CONCEPT IS JUST REALLY FUCKING GR8

there was a fat sensate woman sitting in a library among the archipelago and i felt represented. ^_^

i thought jonas’s death felt a little abrupt, a little unnecessary, even though it was masterfully done. turns out i was right, in the worst way: they broke him, and turned him. 

he was always a little shady but now he’s gone full dark side. what’s the cluster gonna do with him prisoner? who knows. i’m excited about it though!

wolfgang’s abduction is a magnificent jumping off point into much wider plots than the relatively narrow-focused ones we’ve seen thus far. however, i must point out that it felt sadly rushed. i mean, the same thing happened to riley and it took nearly two episodes to talk about, and only will was physically present for it. when it happened to wolfgang THE ENTIRE GANG jumped on a flight to help out and yet it took a mere third of an episode to pull off a much more complex plan from start to finish - “finish” being a loosely used term, since they haven’t even officially rescued the dude yet. i’m just saying it went by much too quickly to feel like more than a cliffhanger tacked on as an afterthought.

not to mention i wanted a lot more fanfare in the entire cluster physically coming together for a cause. it should have been an entire 12th episode imo, since season 2 only had 11? (i mean one of said eps was double-length so it’s the same runtime as s1 in terms of minutes, but still.) what did capheus say to his mother before he left? what did lito say to dani and hernando? THESE ARE SCENES THAT SHOULD HAVE TAKEN UP SCREENTIME, DAMMIT.

also how did will et al infiltrate the facility to surprise whispers in the first place? i need to understand the details of what the hell just went down.

AMANITA AND NOMI ARE GETTING MARRIEDDDDDDD

flawless execution. i had been wondering about amanita’s thoughts on all this nonsense and how she fit into it since nearly the beginning, and having it addressed all through s2 was very satisfying. 

tbh i kinda thought lito was gonna propose to hernando at sao paolo but realized after the fact that he just wasn’t, and still isn’t, in the proper headspace for that. he’s just barely coming to terms with being openly gay; that’s nowhere near ready to be openly gay married. he’s getting there though :)

a loose end that i thought would be wrapped up this season but it looks like we’re going to have to wait for: todd. he’s alive and in prison, and he is either a member of angelica’s cluster or one of her earlier children. either way he’s probably chock-full of plot-related information and the sensates need to grill him. since his objections to being a sensate appeared to be largely religiously motivated, i recommend kala for the job.

angelica zombified raoul and used him to burn down her cabin in order to hide her research from whispers while maintaining deniability. that is... so firmly gray with such a wildly disparate set of motivations that i’m a little astounded. it’s horrifying. it was necessary in her eyes. she did something “good” and “right” through some truly viciously evil means. she was ruthless enough to burn an innocent man to death but compassionate enough to comfort him and let him hear his father’s voice before he died, even as she was controlling his mind against his will. i can’t reconcile these things, and it’s AMAZING that the writers managed this kind of event. 

meeting sarah petrel’s family was fascinating, and i have to wonder how so many people “knew” her. will is obvious. whispers and angelica i can understand. but when did jonas or raoul meet her? is sarah actually way more significant than we thought? is she more than just will’s sad backstory? :O

tell me more about ruth el-sadawi.

tell me more about other clusters in hiding, and their system of organization.

tell me more about the mechanics of sensate abilities in general, specifically the process of giving birth.

tell me more about BPO’s early days, how it changed, who was responsible for those changes. tell me how whispers became part of it.

now that whispers knows who kala is, will he go after her family? how will this impact rajan’s investigation?

will sun need to protect detective mun until he recovers and can testify?

why did the woman riley met commit suicide shortly after their meeting? what part in her decision to kill herself did jonas play?

will kala’s blockers work as they should?

give me more of riley’s dad singing songs to make his daughter smile.

give me more of amanita being a huge book nerd and developing her newfound interest in parapsychology.

give me more of daniella confronting and gradually recovering from her abusive childhood. 

give me more of capheus’s mother being an art’s teacher!

give me more of sun’s prison friends! (i have a bit of a crush on soo-jin)

give me more of whispers being calmly, terrifyingly sadistic.

will we ever see yrsa again?

will we ever find out what happened to capheus’s baby sister?

all the tiny little continuity nods and references to season 1 made me giddy.

BRING SEASON 3 THE FUCK ON MY DUDES!!