#idk idk idk all i know is that i wasn't really truly freaking out until i saw the two of them side by side and now i'm just asdrftagyuhif

[covenofthearticulate]

just saw a gifset comparing sam reid to tom cruise and anyway i’m gonna need 5-7 business days to recover

[stripedwolf88]

The Eras Tour: Paris Night 1 (My Thoughts)

ALLLLLLLLRIGHT. So because @bettysgarden12 wanted to know my reactions and thoughts on everything that happened today, I thought I would share with the rest of yous. It's probably not going to be very in depth or analytical so fair warning on that hehe. Also this probably isn't in order of the show because my memory is trash haha.

1.First things first. The lover bodysuit. WHaT iN ThE FRiLly HeLl?!?!? I literally still don't know whether or not I dreamt of seeing that new bodysuit. Definitely, lesbian colors represented there and it was confirmed with the orange blazer she wore for The Man. It was not an accident I'm sure to have the inside be pink too.

(Side note: we all knew that The Archer was going to get cut. It actually makes a lot of sense too. I think we are past Taylor asking us to stay, not that she doesn't still hope us too. It's more like she is fine with blowing everything up now instead of focusing on the worry of messing everything up. At least I hope that is the case. We're here for ya Taylor. You got this.)

2. Second, the Fearless dress. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I also saw that it looks really reminiscent of the original dress she wore for her Fearless tour. It's almost like she is going back to what once was.

3. Third, transitioning right into Red was something. The new Red shirt says "This is not Taylor's Version" when Red is in fact Taylor's again. Some of my moots pointed out that it could be referencing the whole Real Taylor vs Taylor The Brand theory that we as a community have been developing for quite some time. With this thinking, it would mean that the Taylor we are seeing is not someone Taylor claims as her own or something like that. It's not truly her which we all knew already.

4. Fourth, we saw a new intro for Speak Now (now officially just Enchanted since Long Live has been axed.) I don't have much to say on that other than I wasn't surprised that Long Live got cut. This cut also makes sense if we are thinking that Taylor is gonna burn it down. No more reminding about the good times or the "needing" fans to stand by her forever.

5. Fifth, combining folklore and evermore was unexpected but also not? Idk it made sense and to me it just seems like it was easier to combine them since room had to be made for TTPD.

6. Sixth, Rep was Rep. Nothing really changed from what I could tell or remember other than THE FREAKING GLASS CASES SHATTERING!!! YOU BREAK THAT GLASS CLOSET TAYLOR! WHOOP WHOOP!

7. Seventh, 1989 outfit was...something. It's just not my cup of tea visually. I DID NOT notice the lion or tiger(???) charm she had on until someone else pointed it out. Very interesting either way.

8. Eighth, putting TTPD before Midnights was an interesting choice. The whole theory that we still have to meet her at Midnight (credit to my moots for pointing this out again) is supported by this I think.

9. Ninth, the dress for TTPD is amazing!! And so are the other two outfits. The marching band uniform and it's possible reference back to ME! music video? It has me in shambles.

10. Tenth, the performance for Who Afraid of Little Old Me was visually amazing and she sang it beautifully (no surprise there) with such emotion that it was impossible for me to look away. Her levitating across the stage was also freaking awesome!

11. Next the empty cages imagery?? The nurses pulling her away from her lover??? The image of her crouching in the middle of this weird ass place??? That one really kind of freaked me out. It was eerie and heartbreaking in a way I'm not quite able to explain at this moment.

12. I was conflicted about I Can Do It With A Broken Heart both before, during, and after the performance. I had a feeling she was going to perform it and I kind of wanted her to just to hear her sing it live but then not because I knew how the fans were going to react. I really did face-palm when everyone yelled "More!" on the livestream but we all knew they were going to. The transition into ICDIWABH made me want to throw something at the TV but I also did snort on the petulance on Taylor's face for the little act. I really liked the old Hollywood theme for the visuals and the dance. It was pleasing to watch. BY THE WAY....HAVING THE OUTFIT FOR ICDIWABH ECHO HER OUTFITS ON REP IS REALLY SOMETHING. She bamboozled me again.

13. Midniiiiiiights. THE BODYSUIT IS MY FAVORITE ONE OUT OF THE ONES WE HAVE SEEN SO FAR. I'm glad that Mastermind was kept. I didn't think that she would have taken away anything from the Midnights era but if there was I had this weird concern that it would be Mastermind. Thank god my anxiety was unnecessary.

14. The surprise soooooongs~ Paris is a favorite of mine so I'm happy she played it but also of course she did. That was another predictable thing that happened. Her performance of loml was again heartfelt. She seems really happy to sing these new songs and it shows.

15. I am pretty freaking sure that the Bejeweled lights were a LOT more colorful and rainbowy than usual. Was that just me? Please tell me it wasn't just me!

Overall, it is safe to say that I was not prepared for the absolute chaos that today brought.

Taylor, it seems like you're really doing this (I reeeeeally hope that is the case) and I'm so happy for you if that is what is happening. You do you and you show us what's up. I'm looking forward to it. <3

[leviathanofdeath]

rotb spoilers i talk abt Noah in depth bc im autistic and its 1 am

(this is also strictly talking abt the movies)

idk bout yall, but i really like Noah and his character and the way he interacts with everything thrown at him., I really like how (because of Mirage's chill personality) he wasn't completely overwhelmed by the existence of robot aliens. sure he was freaking the hell out abt the car driving by itself but yknow he caught on pretty quickly. and this is also due to the fact that he wanted to save earth as well. and specifically he wanted to help his brother. can we talk abt the fact that he was so willing to go against his morals just to scrounge up some sort of cash to help his family. as soon as he got into Mirage he was like "I don't wanna do this" and he was trying to get out the car. I also really like the relationship Noah had with his little brother. trying to be that light in his life and give hope. doing everything just to help his little brother not be in so much pain. it was just a nice touch to show us how truly compassionate and caring Noah is and you could really feel that through the performance, imo. you can tell they've both been struggling for quite some time. you feel sorry for when Noah gets immediately rejected by that security officer, and he's completely honest and trying to explain how he deserves a second chance (and he does) and he's probably repeated those reasons a thousand times in the past. he almost completely doubts himself until his brother reiterates that they're always gonna be there together and theybcan do it. and even though it sounds unrealistic, me and my sister have said the same thing to each other so it feels all the more powerful to me. it's a completely different approach to a character in the movie series and I cannot appreciate it enough.

and can I just say, sorry to the sam likers out there, I like how Noah doesn't just immediately insult Mirage trying to save him or befriend him. they actually have a strong ass bond almost right off the bat. sam was always yelling at bee everytime bee came in to save his ass (I hated this bc bee can do no wrong ok) but when Mirage was fighting scourge all by himself JUST to buy time for Noah, literslly risking his life for Noah. literslly becoming a suit of armor for him. Noah was nearly in tears, watching mirage's optics fade becsuse they've already become so close. Noah and Mirage have the silliest banter because they just get along so well. I know it's kind of stupid to compare the two (sam/bee and noah/mirage) but my point is simply: they connect so well together and I really fucking appreciate that. we've seen it with Charlie and Bee where they genuinely care for each other and now we see it again with Noah and Mirage. its just so nice to see the two get along swimmingly. even after they save the world, Mirage meets Noah's brother and everything and Noah begins to fix Mirage up as well. showing that they've become closer after the entire incident.

and Mirage. I just gotta say he is seriously the star of the show. Pete Davidson did an amazing job with him. and Mirage's personality fits with Noah so incredibly well. They've got the same type of style, use the same slang, stuff like that, and they compliment each other. Mirage is so genuinely interested and curious about Noah that he comes off as extremely friendly, defensive, and playful. He doesn't hesitate to risk his life for Noah and he gives Noah a little gauntlet to at least keep himself safe when they're apart. he even tells Noah off the bat that he can turn into any car and be sold so Noah can have money for his family. Maybe its the fact that Mirage has been cooped up and told to stay hidden for so long that he can't help but appreciate the first person to "reawaken" him, but regardless their relationship is just extremely refreshing and nice. The way they can bounce off each other is awesome. God i love them so much honestly I can't think of a better duo than these two theyre just perfect for each other whether its platonic or more

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am I the asshole for sort of accidentally ruining someone's wedding and kind of dooming their marriage?

I know that sounds really really bad but please bear with me because I really didn't mean for this to happen and I still just feel really confused about the part I played in all this and don't know if I'm an asshole for it.

I (23f) used to date this guy in college on and off, over the course of several months. He dropped me out of the blue one day and I saw later on social media he was engaged to a girl we both knew. I'm still unclear if she was aware that he and I were in a situationship deal while he was also, I guess, dating her and playing serious. I just figured okay icky but whatever, we won't be speaking again.

Then I get a wedding invitation. I figured it had to be a mistake, no way she'd want me there so I called her (she'd been my RA at one point so I still had her number saved). She said no, no mistake I was legitimately invited because we'd sorta been close during that year she was my RA and she was so nice over the phone idk I felt bad for wanting to say no so I said yes, I'd be there and also sent the rsvp back. I know I should've said something like hey I used to mess around with your soon to be husband I don't think I should be there especially if you didn't know about that but I just didn't say anything about it.

I continued to feel weird about it up until the day of the wedding. The reception was lovely if a little awkward mostly because I felt so awkward, but nearly two hours went by and I started hearing in chatter that they couldn't find the groom. People in the wedding party were really starting to freak out thinking he just straight up left.

They eventually found him, he locked himself in a room at the hotel where the reception was being held. Eventually someone comes to me saying I need to go talk to him because he only wants to speak to me. I just truly wanted to die and get swallowed up by the ground but I said fine I'll go talk to him and see if I can convince him to come out.

We talk, he says he can't go through with it because he's been staring at me the entire time and not even thinking about the bride to be literally on the other side of the door listening to us. I got a little heated telling him that he's really hurting her and it's extra shitty because that wasn't just about him it's about her too, hes the one who proposed to her, planned a wedding with her, ect. I said call it off if you want but you and I aren't getting back together and you need to go out there either way and talk to her.

After that he came out, idk what was discussed exactly with her or the wedding party but eventually they said the ceremony will go through as planned. I couldn't get out of there fast enough, I felt so horrible that I'd probably ruined this girl's dream day and I should've turned down the invitation and been straight up with her.

I tried to forget about it then three months later he hits me up on a blank burner account on facebook explaining it was him and asking me for nude pictures. I screenshot the messages, did not respond, and sent them to his wife. They both blocked me on everything after that but I heard from a mutual friend that she'd filed for divorce, they hadn't even been married for three full months.

It's not solely because of me that they got divorced, apparently there was a whole slew of girls he'd been messaging and he never really stopped messing around behind her back but I feel like if I'd just said something right away during that initial call maybe she wouldn't have gone through with it and wouldn't have been put in that position as the wife who got cheated on.

What are these acronyms?

[enniewritesathing]

🗣️discussion post 🗣️

let's talk about what happened :D

underneath the read more bc of spoilers for the update (obviously) and length, me rambling, some behind the scenes things...

First off -- this is took so long for me to work on. It was what, a 4 month gap? Usually it's not more than a month but... Things happened and my brain being generally an asshole. We're working on that. What really spurned me to get make the update? I got new internet and holy shit, everything's so fast. Went from DSL to 5G internet (which me being in the sticks, being surrounded by 3 towers = all the speed). Which is great because I added gifs and I need that upload speed or else it would've taken forever.

I didn't get the idea of making gifs until about halfway through the update when @pink-chevalier suggested I make some/experiment with them. I can also combine 2 or more pics for transitions/actions so I'd have room for shots. Also making use of Photomosh Pro...

anyway let's get on with what happened (in no order):

Hey. Charles? He may be unhinged. Just a little bit.

Daniel's very interesting that he's trying to divorce himself from everything, much less the trial and Charles was right to call him out. Real pot = kettle energy. If you think about it, he's damn near the level of responsible that Charles has with handling needles/syringes, he's way less unhinged about it. It's more of a reluctant participant but not really.

I mean, he punched The Werewolf with one when he attacked Jordan.

Speaking of needles, for some reason I looked up how to do an injection and turns out there are different ways! In this case, the needle has to get into muscle (and the heart being a muscle itself), Daniel has to angle it 90 degrees. In the Incident, it was at a weird angle (and at the time I didn't know how to put accessories in stigmata.)

And ofc, it had to go down to the stopping point. Why no, that's not anything.

I made so many swatches of the vitals. There's like 50. They do look nice on the bigger screen. Truly enhances everything way better. Like I said previously, I did what I could with what I had.

The Werewolf dropping the fact that John was the one in control and not him during this segment of the trial. John's the one getting tortured.

The door is actually The Werewolf's door! This is the first time he's done it. To this day, he doesn't quite have a handle on summoning doors. It makes sense that it's simple, but because he wasn't in control per se, the knob was useless.

John's expression on seeing The Werewolf glaring down at him? The Werewolf's glare??

Mark's absence because he won Rock Paper Scissors. We'll get to him later.

John freaked out by the amount of blood in the lab. He's got a stronger stomach than I thought but I think it's because he's a bit used to blood when he fights. Not that much, but, an amount. It happens.

That said... you think The Werewolf might be holding back on that? Do you think it's actually messier than that?

First the hospital bed surrounded by flowers, and now the exam table (?)... what's with that?

And what's up with John...? Does he remember more than he lets on? Or is he hiding under the guise of medicinal amnesia? It's like he could be in denial or something. 🤔🤔🤔

The Werewolf says he'll talk about that later. I have a feeling that's not gonna be pretty.

The Werewolf admitting that everything was against him, that there was a chance of him dying. He didn't know if whatever he had in mind was going to work.

The shots during Charles' and Daniel's conversation?? Getting it together and working on it took like a month bc it's a Biggie/Important story post. That said, as much as I hate Charles, I enjoyed writing his dialogue and perhaps, in general. He's just really fascinating!

I actually have no idea what he sounds like. I think I've said it's reedy, but idk?

This mfer really did 🫵.

I love how John's hair has been touched twice in this update. It is pretty soft.

I would like to give a shoutout to the music genre Witch House.

The file name I gave John during the conversation was "go king, give us nothing.blend".

This isn't quite mentioned but ever since The Werewolf made his promise, it was made sure that he wouldn't move a millimeter. It's also why his healing ability has started to erode over time, it's that strong. His senses are shut out -- as well as not being able to see, he can't hear (mostly) and he can't smell so he can't sus out who's who.

...that and I thought the visual was neat when I put it together. Very experiment-y.

I would never fault John for being terrified of needles.

I wasn't able to do this visually right last time because I didn't have the CC for it (or the ceiling update), but I love how the shots of The Werewolf being in The Void came out. Lot of shots of him being far off and tiny... only used a few though. It really drives home what is isolation to him.

He was going to have his wrists chained (or chained in general) but I thought eh, that's a bit too much and it didn't really work with what I had in mind. (And I was lazy.)

I made the decision of changing John's/The Werewolf's eyes from 'blank' to white... they both do hit, but white's more of pointing out true unconsciousness, if you get my meaning. It's also more spookier... he'll go back and forth with it.

The gifs with John getting to the door, I messed around with in Photomosh. Specifically, it's Smear and I adjusted it to where it looks like he's breathing fast.

This is probably one of my fav shots in the story (so far). It's foreboding. Sinister even. I could go on.

Oh! Getting into the lab door was a bit of a pain in making it. I don't know how to uh edit objects, so what I had to do was have The Werewolf in the open pose while John walked in/out and I had to capture before the doors closed.

You may notice that there was a huge button on the side of it. The Werewolf wasn't exactly aware of it at the time. Not like he would've been able to get out. That shit is super secure, trouble getting in OR out.

questions? comments? concerns? speculation? anything?

if you made it all the way though, congrats! here's a WIP:

I'm sure nothing bad is happening there.

:)

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Valentine's tag game 💗

I was tagged by @gemini-mama, thank you :)

The most painful love crush/disappointment in life? When the guy I dated last before meeting Danas broke up with me. We dated for about 6 months and he broke up on january 1st, and I just hadn't seen it coming. We had so much fun together and were literally (good) chaos when we saw each other (we later found out we both have adhd lmao), but deep down I also knew we wouldn't last. He wanted kids eventually, and I didn't. I wanted to travel, and he didn't. in general our energies together were just draining eventho we had so much fun. but that break up truly messed me up. however, because we had such a good connection, we are still friends and catch up every now and then (yes, Danas has even met the guy to see there is literally nothing between us anymore other than friendship.) I didn't date anyone after him for most of the year until I met Danas.

What was your first real date like/what do you imagine your first real date like? I can't really remember what my first date was like. I know with who it was but what we did???? no idea lmao

What would be the most awkward situation for you on a date/has happened to you while dating? Travelled through the country to meet some dude and we had a good time until his roommate showed up (a girl) and he asked her to join us???? and they casually pulled out a bong while I was the only one who wasn't into that so??????????/ it was so fucking awkward and honestly never saw him again after that. fuck outta here

What was your first kiss like/what do you imagine your first kiss to be like? A guy lowkey forced kissed me (just a peck on the lips) when I was like 15 and I hated it because I did not like him so yeah that sucked

Do you have any sexual quirks that others would find strange/is there anything you would never do when it comes to sex? i doubt that light BDSM freaks people out here but there's that. I'm a bratty sub(can be a switch when needed). I like to wear lingerie/outfits, be collared, spanked, choked, blindfolded, "manhandled", handcuffed/tied up, wear horror/halloween masks, have my hair pulled, put those fingers in my mouth daddy- you get the point really. and there's a long list of things I wouldn't do, main things being anything involving poop, piss and/or vomit. I don't ever want a 3rd person (or more) ((unless it's Sihtric okay)). also no anal, no serious degrading and I sure as hell ain't gonna pretend I'm furniture either

Kinkiest thing you've done/could do with a partner? well well, wouldn't you like to know????

The most romantic thing ever? if I don't say my proposal then what am I even doing? last year on our fifth anniversary Danas took me to the national park close by where we went to on our first date. He took me to the exact same bench we sat at that day and then he became all fidgety and nervous after a few minutes and then got down on one knee and asked the question. he was so relieved he had asked and that I said yes that he forgot to put the ring on my finger and I had to remind him. I lowkey knew he was going to pop the question but I also felt nervous regardless. after that we went for dinner in a restaurant nearby and it was just perfect because it was nothing outrageous or attention drawing, because that's not how we are either. and, in general Danas has done many romantic/cute things to surprise me over the years so I truly can't complain when I look at couples around me. find a Lithuanian dude is all I can say lmao

I see some moots have been tagged already and idk who else to tag so?? if you see this go for it if you want!

[diseaseriddencube]

braindumping about the hayase clan (even though I should really reread/rewatch the series before trying to analyze any of these guys bc it's been a while)

hayase: I'm kinda ambivalent towards her, she was kinda just the nasty iphone bitch when she showed up at first, but also just serving her role for yanome to control the villages or whatever. I never would've thought to interpret her reaction to Fushi as love or a new obsession, so that came out as a total plot twist to me later on, feels like a whole different character tbh, at first it just feels like she's doing her job.

so she shows up again, arguably cooler looking. and you know what, I love a good yandere, she's kinda badass and terrifically creepy, though her motives still just don't make much sense given her introduction in the series. does she love Fushi? does she just want to control and own him? does she want his children (<- the real answer right here)

most people hate her solely for the rape scene, and they are totally valid for that, unfortunately I am a freak and that kinda just makes me like her more— UH so she's kinda based for offering to let Fushi kill her so much, I respect her willingness to die in order to be 'immortal' even if only in her aspect rather than fye.

the fact that she fucked another man at the end, totally cheating on her waifu Fushi, just to have kids and make the rest of this series hayase hell is not something I can respect smh

she's a greasy haired menace to this franchise and I respect her commitment

hisame: idk lol she showed up for two episodes idc about her. goodbye stinky indoctrinated cult child 😍

kahaku: I was actually thinking of rereading while making a kahaku analysis essay but never got around to it... so we're going off memory here, though he is a character that needs precise introspection. I don't really like him at all tbh, I try to understand him, but I don't really like him for the most part. his backstory is simple and good, a boy in a line of what's supposed to be women, compelling. he has his funny moments, he's truly devoted to helping Fushi and not being weird about him (until he gets weird about him)

I think what makes me dislike him is his insistence that Fushi is a woman so that he can be straight and love Fushi only under those conditions, it's a very annoying way for an Unconditional Love character to act. it's low-key kinda gross like "she[Fushi] just hasn't opened up to her own femininity yet" like bro???? Fushi can be whatever they want, it almost sounds transphobic if it weren't for context 😭 the insistence on she/her regardless of whatever form he's in, and his own admission that he 'feels more like a boy I guess' is just kinda hhhnnnmmnmgghhg yeah

and remember how he promised not to be weird... yeah well that proposal scene went downhill so fast ;_; it almost feels out of character, and I guess we're supposed to blame it on the Hayase Insanity Gene kicking in? but it just ends up feeling like he was a liar this whole time and wasn't as respectful as he seemed. he acts well afterwards, but still,, yikes dude.

I appreciate his care for Fushi's mental well-being when nobody else does. I appreciate how hard he fought in the war, and it was really unfair of Kai to keep him locked up. that ending scene is really interesting, because he is Very Okay with killing his comrades and then just insulting them (look at messar's haunted face how could you say that to him) and I guess we'll never know if it was him or Lefty that attacked the immortals in the kitchen. he sounds like he's lying and making excuses to justify it, ough Fushi it was my left hand it wasn't me I would never (he would)

I don't blame him for ripping Fushi to shreds there (because it was definitely Lefty) though he was a little creepy about it two seconds before, like damn boy you look like you're about to commit a hayase rape scene when Fushi is vulnerable-

his suicide is pretty noble and I'd love it if it was an act of ending his bloodline... if it weren't for the fact that his bloodline comes back 💀

mizuha: ah mizuha, I don't know what to think about her at all. I suppose she needs a heavy analysis too. her introduction chapter was incredibly strong, I too, struggle with a heavy need for absolute perfection and a wish for death, so I instantly figured I'd like her. but she kinda just spirals downhill after that....

I'd like to take a moment to applaud the Hayase clan, one centered around having straight sex with a guy to get preggers, has so many gay descendants. mizuha x hanna literally being canon is ✨✨

mizuha is kind of a slow burn into madness, which makes her better than hayase becoming a yandere out of nowhere. like she already starts off with Issues, and doesn't seem like the happiest or most stable person that you could trust. but she's also a more normal modern girl with her own relationships outside of Fushi, she's more compelling that way.

her murdering her mother and not remembering it, yet being so weirdly casual about it and showing hints of the Hayase Insanity Gene when Fushi shows up, it's interesting stuff

when they're hiding out, the way she just demands all these modern amenities from him just makes it seem like she's lived a very privileged life, and she probably has.

I like that she wasn't instantly in love with him upon meeting either, she has her own love interest, but Lefty influences and controls her and has its own directive.

side note but I really really love the nokkers' shift into becoming parasites that control the bodies of depressed people so that they only feel their happiest moments... or in Mimori's case just suicide them for them 😍 can I get a nokker please-?

okay I kinda forgot everything that happened in between so I need to reread. but she slowly gets more influenced by her nokker and the rest of the nokker cult basically. she's a damaged teenage girl, being influenced and controlled by something with a millennia long goal that's beyond her.

the section where she's kept underground is pretty interesting. is it the nokker? or does she not care about herself anymore, she seems to have given in to their goals. I need to reread this in particular so I'll stop talking-

I recall she left on her own at the end, which was very mature of her. good riddance to mizuha :)

I think something a lot of people miss when analyzing or talking about her is her speech bubbles. I'm sure the anime will not do anything with that, and it'll become entirely ignored by the fandom. but if you're reading the manga, in Japanese or in English, look carefully whenever she's speaking. her font changes when it's her or the nokker speaking.. this is something that's incredibly important to check when you're analyzing her behavior vs what she doesn't remember/what the nokker says and does

izumi: can't talk about Mizuha without mentioning her mother, she is honestly one of my favorite descendants, simply because she's trying to break the line and get out of the cult. she's level headed, she's a good woman. even her bad mother behavior of the way she treats mizuha, is often just her forgetting due to the nokker's control over her, her obsessive picture taking especially

doro: I've seen her for one chapter and I would do anything for her, best hayase descendant by far she is a little lab coat science girl and she is so sweet and I love her I love her so bad there better be so much doro content in my future, my beautiful mud girl 🥺🥺🥺

Lefty: does left hand count as a hayase member? probably yeah. there isn't a lot of personality to it, but it's interesting that it's just some random nokker that borrowed into some insane person's arm and decided their goals aligned. so it fights against other nokkers, but can also be willing to betray its host if needed. it learned to write and speak and mimic because it was asked to do so. it wants Fushi carnally, it wants Fushi to dominate it hdhgggsfjjdd why did it say that 😭 (yes it was the font thing with mizuha again, the nokker wanted Fushi to dominate her so bad)

I'm sure someone else could do a much better analysis of Lefty than I could, I never paid much attention to it...

anyways I should finish my rewatch of s1 that I've neglected for a while now (watching it in German 😍 and then watching s2 subbed because I hate Bon's German voice)

[yuukei-yikes]

Haruka's cringe compilation also includes him seeing Ene, probably thinking she looks very pretty, but instead of rekindling his high school romance he's living through the worst adaptation of "new phone who dis" ever conceived by man or snake

LMAOOO please and in that point in time haruka also technically spent a lot of time watching konoha try to get hibiya and hiyori out of the timeloop for god knows how long. we dont talk abt this enough. haruka can see everything konoha sees so like... erm. bitch also saw these kids getting killed over and over. lol! (descent into insanity complete as i think abt haruka and hibihiyo dynamic post str)

so like. last haruka saw of takane was her dead body, he had no reason to NOT think she wasn't in a similar state as him. like in some limbo place. bc tbh does haruka even know where he is... and from watching everything thru konoha he might know as much as kenjirou being a danger but that's it. cuz we don't know if he ever explicitly did anything to reveal in front of konoha that he is not Really kenjirou. ofc there are the hcs that the people inside the daze move freely and can see each other but personally i never interpreted it like this. i like the hc theyre all alone bc makes for better post str angst and i like the idea that ayano CAN do this but doesn't because she is too upset she could not save haruka and takane and is too ashamed to face haruka. and also something something self punishment i dont deserve to hang out with my friend and receive updates from what he can see with awakening eyes (but doesnt stop to think it'd be nice for haruka to have someone). i think ayano probably shows up to haruka at least once Largely based on his line in the eighth novel when she appears. he says "she was always unannounced" or something like that and yeah maybe he meant back then when they were alive ayano had always been kind of sudden and unexpected idk lol but i like to interpret it as in ayano suddenly showing up in haruka's daze like. hi. (cries a lil bit then immediately leaves)

ERM. SORRY I GOT SIDETRACKED. LIKE ALWAYS. i think haruka Knows where he is bc ayano told him, but it's also so appealing to me that he's just confused the whole 2 years (plus the 10 years it feels he's watching hibiya and hiyori die) cuz. heh. angst. but yeah i think he'd know but not much (until konoha meets the dan yknow)

ANYWAYS YEAH my point was he just went through all that, been alone for 2 years plus all the time worth in the hibihiyo timeloop and finally. HE GETS TO SEE TAKANE. except he is not really himself and konoha is just making her freak out and cry and haruka's just having a mental breakdown bc he's been in this place for so damn long where he cant feel tired or sleep or eat and he is just laying there in a room perfectly designed to fit his worst nightmare like he is by all means dead but alive enough to be tortured like this lolllll and now he gets to see the person he's been begging to see all this time like YOU KNOW in the third novel the first konohas state of the world chapter he says "if i had a final wish i would reach out to that girl who used to yell at me all the time" (insanity) like i truly think the i want to see you takane bit from the anime is from there. anyways. the fact that line happens while konoha is actively trying to stop the timeloop for hibiya and hiyori AUGGHH

um. yeah he gets to see her again. but all his other self is doing is making her cry lmaooo

but also i think haruka is rly touched that takane refuses to see konoha as him and calls him a fake LOL bc haruka hates konoha bc it acts so much like him, clueless to those around him and just being a burden but takane refuses to see it as haruka because it's NOT haruka like she knew immediately it wasn't him. and maybe from takane's pov its just her in denial of haruka having his memories erased but still she was right, it wasnt haruka in his body. and i think he would be so touched abt this (which is why he's so desperate for her company post str not only for obvious reasons like he loves takane and he was alone for god knows how long inside the daze but ALSO BECAUSE.. everyone else became great friends with konoha and he feels so bad replacing it and fears the dan resents him hehehehehfhejdjjdjfiekdkoeoeo

[dairy-farmer]

Okay your soulmate ask god tier love it agree with the characterization 100%

But what if we also put TimKon on there.

Like because of clone shenanigans Kon doesn’t have a soulmate making Tim able to have someone to understand in someway being alone in a world that is made up of pairs

Anyways the ending being that by the time the bats realize they lost it’s to late Tim is gone and unreachable

IDK I like them to suffer instead of Tim

TimKon!!! they have such a great dynamic because tim is a freak and kon knows that and still loves him, he didn't even massively freak out or go all ' youbetrayed me' when he found out tim tried to clone him. they definitely have a good dynamic, it's something that tim doesn't get with bruce, dick, jason, or damian.

stability. that's the one thing they can't give him off the bat. i feel like that would contribute to severe trust issues on that front because how can tim trust or believe they won't pull the rug out from under him at any time? if they'd just said 'it's not the right time' or listened during the many, many, many times he tried to talk with them about it- things may have turned out differently.

soulmates have a level of assigned devotion but tim had never felt that from any of them. but kon, kon listens for his heartbeat, he picks up when tim calls him, responds when he texts. tim decieves kon at times, lies to him because he's a bat and if he's not sneaky or careful he'll end up a splatter on the wall. they're not perfect but they fight for each other, they try to understand and they don't just give up on one another. kon doesn't play mind games, ignore him, refuse to talk to him or give him the cold shoulder. kon was his friend and even when he was just his friend he was a better soulmate than the one he had. tim thinks of kon and the fact that he doesn't have a soulmate and he's devestated because kon deserves the world. he deserves not be alone. but they're in the same boat aren't they?

tim has a soulmate that doesn't want him and kon doesn't have a soulmate at all. tim sees how kon tries; he goes out on dates, has relationships that stretch for weeks before they ask to see his soulmark only to be disappointed and disturbed when he doesn't have one. that's what gets to kon, people being disturbed because he already has trouble coming to terms with it himself.

tim imagines his life with his soulmate versus one with kon and its...its a no brainer. no system is truly perfect. there were probably millions of people in the past who were miserable with their soulmates but they were the minority and people didn't care about their suffering.

so tim, in a rare act of selfishness, decides to choose his happiness over that of his soulmate. he chooses kon.

and kon...kon would be unsure if it were anyone but tim. he wouldn't be able to trust that he really was chosen over someone's soulmate, he couldn't trust that he could be with someone for years and then their soulmate came into the picture and he couldn't trust his partner wouldn't leave him. but this was tim.

tim has lied and deceived him before but he's never broken a promise to kon and he's promising to be kon's forever. that they'll be together forever, that he'll carve himself to be the other half of kon's soul. he deserves to be happy and so does kon and they deserve to be happy together.

so kon, in a rare act of selfishness, chooses to steal away another person's soulmate. they had their chance and blew it but kon...kon had never even had a chance he could blow and he wasn't going to ruin it now that it was in front of him.

it's months before anyone notices. it takes a long time before bruce, dick, jason, or damian realize that their soulmark has been fading. more and more until one day...its gone.

its not scarred over like how soul marks are when their match dies, it's just gone. clear, unblemished skin like that on the rest of their body. their mark is gone. they're markless.

they panic of course, they immediatly try to see how tim is, if something's wrong...but he's fine. he's in san francisco. celebrating.

they see the pictures, the videos in groupchats they're part of.

tim and kon are soul mates. kon had developed a soulmark and they see the progression of it with inquiries in the chart about whether it was possible for Kryptonians to get skin cancer followed by a picture of dark blob mole that grew bigger and bigger and slowly took a shape into a soulmark.

and then it hit them.

they lost their soulmark. lost their soulmate.

and they're...desvestatated. they can't explain it any other way. they're devastated, they had one person meant for them and now they were gone. they were alone but it's worse because its not like tim is dead, he's alive and right there with his new soulmate.

and...they're alone. forever.

[emoticonheart]

Do you have any burping headcanons for your original characters? Like, what their belches sound or smell like, and also how frequently each person burps, and what their own reactions to their belches are?

OH ABSOLUTELY I DO

you, my friend, have opened a very large can of worms. but, before i get started, i'll just say that for me personally, i'm not big on the way belches smell. that's just not something i'm really into personally, but i can totally understand why other people like it!! but bc of that, i'm not gonna really focus on that, but feel more than free to use your imagination as i explain everything else!!

and so with that being said, out of respect for everyone's tls, if you'd like to know the burping habits of all my ocs, then feel free to keep reading

ashley (flexsteel): she was born with this odd medical condition that just makes her gassier than usual. when she was a kid, her parents took her to doctor after doctor to try to get the issue fixed, but there was nothing they could do. and so, she just had to live with these huge belches. she is always burpy after a meal, but she also is very skilled at burping on command. either way, like i said, these belches are huge. not hyper belch huge, but for a normal person? yeah she's pretty much untouchable when it comes to volume, length, and power. in fact, idk how i would fit this into the actual story so i'll just tell y'all here: since all her burps on stream are recorded, ppl have gone back and seen that with a lot of them, she has gotten super close to breaking some world records. super close, and she wasn't even trying. imagine what she could do if she was. she was super embarrassed about this skill of hers growing up, mostly because her parents and family made her feel like a freak for it, but she starts breaking out of her shell a little after meeting lily. but what really helps her accept herself is becoming flexsteel. it's through streaming and her followers that truly helps her learn to love herself. she still gets embarrassed from time to time, especially when she accidentally lets one go somewhere inappropriate, but overall she's a lot more comfortable with her condition.

sierra (burp soulmates): she is a very skilled burper when it's on command. that's because her bio dad taught her how to burp on command when she was a child, and she has spent years mastering her technique. she can control the length, volume, depth, and intensity of her belches with pinpoint accuracy. in fact, a lot of people at school will play this game with her where they give her a random aspect of a burp (22 seconds, extra bass, airy and quiet, etc.), and she'll do just perfectly. it never ceases to amaze people. however, she's nowhere near as skilled when it comes to belching naturally. in fact, her natural burps are just plain average, which is a stark contrast to her ability to burp on command. she wishes she were better at the natural stuff, but she's super proud of her abilities. she'll flex it any opportunity she can get.

addison (wyfatw): she's a royal princess, so she shouldn't enjoy belching as much as she does, but she can't help the way it feels when she lets one go. like ashley, she's naturally burpier than most, but it's nowhere near on the same scale as ashley. the thing about addison is that her burps aren't very long. the longest burps she can produce are five seconds long, but that's only if she really concentrates. but, what she lacks in length, she makes up for tenfold in volume. even if it only lasts a second, her burps are loud enough to make you flinch and clamp your hands over your ears, as if ten whips going off at the same time. before running away, one of her favorite things to do while eating dinner was wait until a servant or something was walking through the dining hall with a large platter of food or drinks and then release a quick, shotgun-like burp that echoed throughout the entire hall and shocked the servant so much that it sent their tray crashing to the ground. she got a kick out of it, and then got an even bigger kick out of her parent's disappointment. except the servants eventually learned to expect her little trick and didn't react the same because of it, and that was when it became no fun.

thalia (first impressions): with her mom being full ogre and her dad being half giant, her digestive system was bound to be messed up. like i mentioned in the story itself, her giant lineage means she's always hungry, and her ogre lineage means she's always gassy. and thalia is living proof that that combination is a recipe for disaster. she is constantly releasing earth quaking hyper belches, and when i say constantly, i mean constantly. they interrupt her when she talks because she literally can't go five seconds without one escaping her. at first, when she was a child, she was pretty proud of it, especially when she pushed the daycare bully off of the seesaw by releasing a particularly powerful belch and made herself the queen of the playground for a day. but the glamor quickly faded, especially when she couldn't leave the house for months, attending class online and even finding a job that she could do from home. these days, she feels pure indifference about her unique talents. she lets one go and just carries on as if nothing happened. she can hardly feel it coming up anymore, anyway, so why bother making a big deal of it?

robin (stolen crown): she was cursed with magical belches, so of course her burps are just gnarly. unlike thalia, though, she doesn't burp nearly as much, so she hasn't found herself getting sick of it yet. in fact, she actually loves burping. the feeling of all that air coming out of you as the ground shakes underneath you, and knowing that shaking is because of you? yeah, robin can think of almost nothing better. like thalia, though, her condition meant she was forced to hide away at home for a lot of her life, but for very different reasons. she could've let this get to her, blame her burpiness for the fact that she couldn't go out and make friends, but she actually didn't mind. as long as she could let loose freely, she didn't mind staying away from people. besides, she had her monthly visits to the tavern to look forward to. when she went on her quest with arrach and runt, she was a little more careful about it, but overall she's always been shameless.

arrach (stolen crown): he's a troll with three stomachs, so he's a naturally gassy guy. while his burps are nowhere near as powerful, they're definitely not something to scoff at either. he can still make branches bristle and animals run for their lives. he's been conditioned to feel ashamed about his abilities, so he acts that way at first. but you may quickly discover that he has a competitive side buried deep within him. and if you know him well enough, you'll know how to pull that side out of him. when that competitive side is out, he'll get into a burping contest with anyone and everyone, and only feel embarrassed about it later.

overall, when it comes to my normal burpers, sierra wins in technique, addison wins in volume, but ashely wins overall best burper. truly no one can compete with her natural talent. she can take on anyone and everyone and come out on top.

when it comes to my hyper belchers, thalia comes out on top. the intensity of both her and robin's belches are pretty similar, but what sets thalia apart is just how often she burps. the difference between robin and thalia's condition is that robin always has gas sitting inside her, waiting to be released, whereas thalia is always producing gas, so there's no room in her to keep it, which is why she is constantly belching.

i hope this answers your question well enough!! if you have any other questions or if there's anything i missed, feel free to send an ask!!

[chicken-fifi]

2pm Reaction - You Get Hurt at Work

Requested by anon: Hi!! I was wondering if you could do a head cannon for 2pm for when you get a minor injury while at work. Thank you!

Jun.K: Minjun would instantly freak out, even more so if he wasn't given much detail about what had happened. In his mind, a minor injury wouldn't warrant a trip to the emergency room where he was now speeding off to. When he arrives, your wrist is being placed in a cast. He instantly thought it was broken, but it was really just a bad sprain. You won't be lifting so much as a finger for a few days, not on his watch at least.

"I'll take your dishes to the sink. You just focus on letting that heal."

Nichkhun: Nichkhun's heart would be racing out of his chest as he got your phone call telling him you were on your way to the hospital after a nasty fall. It wasn't anything too bad, I mean you could easily blame the too small classroom filled with 36 desks and binders all over the floor for causing your fall. Teacher life. Your ankle wasn't broken but it was badly sprained and would need to rest for a few days before you could even walk without injuring yourself further.

"I'm helping you with the layout of your classroom next year to make sure this doesn't happen again."

Taecyeon: When working with knives, at least one person is guaranteed to get some type of cut. You'd decided to take a cooking class with a friend. Simple enough and nothing should've happened. At least that's what you assured Taecyeon when he questioned you knowing how accident prone you were. And he had good reason to question you. Not even an hour into the class you were rushed off to the hospital in need of some stitches after a bad cut to your finger. He would be shaking his head muttering that he needs to put you in a bubble to keep you safe.

"At least it wasn't a burn. That would be annoying to deal with."

Wooyoung: Does everyone remember Wooyoung's 'I'm afraid of basketball moment' right before Junho threw one and it hit him directly in the head? Well, here's another reason why he doesn't like them. You were at a mandatory company retreat, that was meant to build teamwork. One of the activities was a game of basketball. Everything was going great until you were late at lifting up your hand to grab the ball and got hit square in the face getting a nasty nosebleed. Your nose wasn't broken which was good, but the bleeding was a lot. Safe to say Wooyoung doesn't let many flying objects near you since.

"Do you need more tissues? Would a cold compress help?"

Junho: Idk why, but Junho strikes me as the one who would laugh while on the phone with you while you in the ER not truly believing what happened. And then he gets to the hospital and is sitting beside all scared and worried as the doctors are running tests to make sure you don't have a concussion. A few boxes had fallen on your head as you were getting some printer paper and you'd passed out. However, it wasn't serious. All scans were normal and there weren't any signs of serious injury, but the doctors still chose to keep you overnight just to be safe.

"I shouldn't have laughed as much as I did on the phone."

Chansung: You, his younger sibling, own a hair salon. Naturally, whenever Chansung needs to get his hair styled he tries to go to your salon and have you style it. So, there you are using a flat iron on another patron while his bleach is setting, and it slips from your hand burning your palm. Luck was on your side as the iron wasn't at the highest heat level, so it wasn't more than just a red mark, but he was quick to panic thinking it was worse.

"Jesus (y/n)! Please be careful!"

[hotpinkboots]

I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER WITH THE MANDALORIAN SEASON 3 FINALE

I was just a *tiny* bit disappointed that nothing came out of Mando getting tied up and looking pretty on his knees (I WANTED TO SEE HIM INJURED >:))) ), but it was so cute how Grogu came to save his daddy LOL. The bacta spray part was adorable I love the call back to past episodes like that it's adorable.

ALSO I LOVED HOW BO WAS FLYING LIKE A BADASS AND TURNED ON THE DARKSABER LIKE THAT IT WAS SO UNNECESSARY AND DRAMATIC I LOVED IT LMFAO

Armorer Bonking People Supremacy

oh also when Mr. Mando said something about "this could get messy" or whatever he said it was something along the lines of that I had to stop myself from oohing and awing and moaning because of the way he said "messy". thank you

ALSO HOW THE HELL DID EARMUFF GIDEON BREAK THE DARKSABER THINGY????

AIDJDKDJJD

When I see Din getting thrown around I automatically scream and cry and wave my hands around and yell. I always need to be prepared like "ok Mando may get thrown" because I need to like jump through the screen and save him or some crap idk

GROGUUUU USING HIS BABY GOOGOO GAGA POWER TO SAVE DIN AND BO FROM THAT BIG ASS SHIP CRASH?? AMAZING. THAT MOMENT WAS BEAUTIFUL LOOK AT THIS YOU GUYS

LIKE WHAT 😭

Also his little sit at the end omg holds gently baby baby baby booboo tired from using his googoo gaga powers

It's always so bizzare to see Grogu like jumping around and stuff though 💀 like OKKK WELL I THINK WE OVERDID THAT JUST A BIT LMFAO I forgot baby can do parkour. Everytime I see Grogu doing parkour all I can think of is that parkour scene from The Office LOL

I do think Earmuff Gideon "died" too easily there's no way he's dead. Also what if that wasn't him and it was just one of his clones or something. And even if it wasn't a clone that's way too easy of a death. His scream at that part tho man that was insane I LOVED IT

ALSO MANDO FINALLY ADOPTED BABY YODA. LIKE. IT'S OFFICIAL AT LAST I kind of thought it already was a thing but like now it's a THING like they are ACTUALLY family now

Also also also I have been thinking for a good like six months now where are Grogu's parents. Like I know they're probably dead or won't come into the show or plot or anything but it's worth thinking about. And Order 66 was a while ago man so like how long was Grogu just chilling around in his lil space pod perambulator. whO ARE YOUR PARENTS KID

ALSO MY BOY IG-11 COMING BACK I FREAKING EXPLODED MAN 😭 like DUDE AT LAST I MISSED YOU

It was *so* satisfying to see Din now having a home base. Not a ship, a *home.* We haven't TRULY seen him relax EVER in this show. I thought it was so sweet that he had a place where he could put his feet up for once and just watch his kid/apprentice play. That really was the thing that got me, finally seeing such a strong, stoic character finally able to relax, sit back, and enjoy himself for a while. What better way to do so than by putting your feet up and watching your kid play? It's such a good feeling to see one of my favorite characters at last having a moment of true peace.

And that leaves it open for more adventures, no crazy cliff hanger that makes us wait impatiently for like a year or two, just relaxation and peace for once, just thinking that Din and Grogu are somewhere out there chilling :')

So they get to chill out until the next season which is a good feeling I cried my face off seeing the two of them relaxing I KNOW I KEEP SAYING "oh they're relaxing they're relaxing finally peace omg relaxation" BUT IT'S TRUE. DIN'S ALWAYS FIGHTING HIS ASS OFF BRO HE DESERVES A BREAK

So yeah I could NOT be happier with the ending of this season. The season OVERALL was pretty boring, so I'm disapponted about that, but the last two episodes were *chef's kiss*

also mythosaur or however you spell it. WAKE YO ASS UP BROOOOOO

[justanoutlawfic]

I was thinking about Rose lately 🌹such a lovely OC so far! But when I am not thinking about OUAT haha, I wanna talk about season 1 in storybrooke for her (Juliana Stem maybe her cruse name?? Idk yet what do u think?) 💖

Since in season 1 she’s the youngest and a student teacher, I believe she looks up to Mary Margaret while under the curse. They are literally besties and sharing a lot of time together even with Emma (aka her niece) as well. Rose even knows about David cause she helped find him and maybe also encouraging Mary Margaret’s crush finding it adorable 👀 She’s always at the loft hanging out with them and Henry too. Speaking of Henry, I believe he definitely tried telling her who her REAL self is and her story dragging her along on missions with Emma. It was a bit hard for her to believe the ideas Henry gave since it’s mainly stories to her even though she knows what the book contains inside. The hope and dreams!

However she stumbles onto Rumple aka Mr Golds shop discovering items from her past like jewelry that Mr Gold encourages to her take as a gift for her kindness towards him?? 🤔 Maybe her and Rumple had a mini past together since like you said, Rose did end up siding with Regina for a while. But let’s be honest Rumple had a past with almost every character on the show so he could’ve discovered Rose on his own without Regina’s involvement. Just spitballing here but like I can see Rumple saw her as a strong ally or a surrogate daughter for him creating an almost caring father-daughter relationship since they both lost family members.

I really love this idea! Especially her cursed name.

I wouldn't choose to have Rumple act as a surrogate father, however. He wasn't exactly a good influence on Regina and is part of her destruction. They'd definitely have a past but it's tainted by memories of him helping Regina bring down her sister and ruining their relationship. Even cursed, I think she'd be freaked out by him until he started helping Emma and Mary Margaret. In the end, she'd feel equally as played that once again, she was just a means to an end. Used by Regina to cast the curse, used by Rumple to break it. Truly, no one wants her for her. (Snow does, but she doesn't feel like her sister *could* want her after all is said and done) I do think Regina and Rose will make up at one point. Rumple would have a great deal of respect for Rose but she'd never trust him again, similar to Snow and David.

She definitely doesn't believe in Henry's book, but like you said, she wants to. Like everyone, Juliana wouldn't have family. Though in her cursed memories, I do see her knowing she had a falling out with her family and is scared to find them, much like Emma is scared to find her bio parents. Little do either realize they're right near their family.

I have the headcanon that Rose threw away the snowflake necklace Eva gave her when she thought her sister killed her father. Under the curse, both necklaces end up in the shop. Juliana buys the snowflake one to thank MM for being such a great mentor. MM buys the rose one as a gift for her completing her student teaching.

I am so glad you love Rose as much as I do! I hope to write a fic with her soon. Likely not a S1 AU as I've done so many, but maybe a S2 fic once the dust from the curse has settled.

[dredshirtroberts]

idk...i need to ramble i think and i need...

i feel like sharing will be important to someone.

I...have not adequately dealt with the fact that I was incredibly food insecure for... minimum 3 years. Probably longer than that, if I'm to be completely honest with myself and my body's needs, but it was most...starkly evident for about 3 years while I was...was on my own.

Those who've been here a while have possibly seen some of my...some of my previous rants and rambles about my struggles. The gofundme and the paypal links have circulated around a couple times in the past, you know how it is. I didn't start doing that until I was...I was on my own and didn't have any other options for help.

So those of you who've been here, you'll at least be somewhat aware of how things have been going for me up until about 2 months ago.

But honestly? Honestly I think I was insecure about my food access for most of my life. Whether or not i was conscious of the fact. And I...

I am not prepared to deal with unrestricted access to food when I am needing to eat. I am not prepared to deal with food waste. I am not prepared to deal with other people deciding what food stays and what food goes. I am not prepared to deal with people not critiquing how much food i consume. Except to admonish me (gently, ever so gently and lovingly) if I haven't eaten all day - much like i would do for them.

I...do not know how to deal with the fact that there are not special rules, restrictions really, that apply to me only and not to the rest of the world, when it comes to joy and food and love and acceptance.

Mmm that word "restrictions" is a word I'll have to unpack at another time because that word, to me, means something else and I don't...know if this is the time to go into that.

What I need, truly and honestly, is to...is to talk to someone professionally about the whole *gestures to all of me* everything. I gotta see someone about my brain space. I gotta see someone about my bones and ligaments and joints and pain. But in this specific instance I need to talk to someone about how to adjust to being in a healthy environment, and not just sitting and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Because it's not fair to others that I'm assuming they will treat me poorly just because no one else before them gave a shit about me. It's not fair to expect a shoe to fall at all - because "Waiting for the other shoe to drop" implies a first shoe has fallen but that's the thing, right? There has not been a shoe.

I was starved emotionally as a child, and I think because of diet culture and the fact that I am built incredibly differently to the majority of my immediate family, and because I was AFAB, that I was starved physically too.

I remember sneaking food because it wasn't Explicitly Snack Time yet. I remember being admonished for large portions, or for getting seconds. I remember being told I was too big to cuddle. I remember being told that some foods were bad foods and to not eat them and that because my parents felt better after eliminating xyz out of their diet and doing intensive workouts that I would also clearly feel better if I did exactly the same. I was an amateur swimmer on a swim team (never competed, but I practiced as hard as I could). I ran 4 half-marathons - and trained extensively for them too. I was finishing food off my sister's plate, off my parent's plates, when taking the dishes up from the table (or tv tables as the case may have been more often) because I didn't know it but I needed more to eat.

I got called out about my weight a lot, got admonished for not going hard enough during workouts, for eating too much, for this for that for taking up space and consuming food at all, for not doing things *correctly*.

and now...now there aren't rules to follow. There's not a right way to do things. There's no game i have to play, no grade I need to get in order to be full, in order to be loved.

And I don't know how to do that. And it freaks me out. And I wait for the shoe that isn't coming. And I panic when I feel like I'm doing it Wrong (according to the other rules in my life i've had to follow so far). And it's hard. to deal with that.

And I need to talk to someone about it, because I can't keep waiting for shoes that aren't there. I can't keep playing by rules to a game that I'm no longer involved in, that don't apply here.

I can't keep being afraid. It's exhausting. I'm so tired of being scared. Even when I don't recognize my fear, it lays in wait and hits me when I'm least expecting it and I am...tired. of that.

Ach, the sun's gone down and i need to turn the lights on cause it's super dark now. If you've read this far, I'm assuming it's because you're one of the folks who's been here, and so I want to thank you for putting up with my nonsense all these years. I wish I'd have realized there aren't rules for keeping friends before now. I'm going to try to do better. If you happen to be relatively new here and this is the first you're reading anything about me, don't worry the reblogs will return as usual. I still appreciate you and um....yeah feel free to say hi. cause i can't yet but i probably have wanted to - esp if we're mutuals <3

[theluxuriansecret]

Dear Diary 03102023

7:22 pm

Hey diary, things have been going mad well. I've been really enjoying my job and life has been operating smooth as fuck. I'm actually on spring break right now and things have gone really well.

I started my spring break seeing SZA at MSG and it was so much fun. Like my throat hurt for the next couple of days. My bestie and I met up with some friends after and went to a bar. Going out after the concert really helped with that post concert depression. When I got home, I wasn't even sad that the night had ended because I genuinely had such a good time.

On a subway train on the way back to NY Penn, I met this guy on the F Train and ever since then we spend hours on the phone talking and getting to know each other and its really crazy. Like, I'm staying up until 4 am to talk to him thats insane. He talks to me my entire four hour shifts and then some. Shit is really wild.

Anyway, there are a couple things that I am nervous about. One, I am scared that I am going to fall into him like I did in my last relationship and that scares me. I am a human being, with dreams and goals and wants and wishes and desires and I almost fear being trapped. I like experiencing things and people. So it really scares me to be tied down. And it sucks to say that especially because I feel like I've been talking about how much I desire love and a true genuine connection with someone.

Today we actually got into our first like.. argument kinda. I made the mistake of bringing up the way other guys made me feel and just my previous interactions with other guys in general. And he kinda snapped at me because I asked for him to not bring up his past sexual and no sexual relations with women. Because it grosses me out, so no figure it grosses him out too. And he did immediately stopped, and I couldn't do the same. He said he fears that I am careless, and that truly has struck such a nerve in me idk. I know this is toxic as fuck but low key I don't wanna talk to him anymore. That sounds so dumb because he has not only forgiven me after I did it twice and also taught me a lesson. But I do not like how it feels to be in fear of losing someone, like my heart was in my ass right there and I really don't freaking like that. I just know it would be easier to not real with this and tbhhhh it makes me feel like my ex was kind right about me and I hate that.

I have very strong feelings for him. But it feels like a lot. I like how it feels to talk to him. He validates me and makes me feel really goof. He didn't lie when he said he was a super sexual person and it honestly feels like a lot sometimes. It makes me feel like thats all people care about fr. Like I'm more than my body, I'm more than sex and he makes it clear that he likes me. But he talks about fucking me a lot.. a lot a lot. It kinda fucks with me but I play into it bc I can't lie, I wanna fuck him too and I think about it too.

Ugh. Honestly after our little argument I'm kinda exhausted. Just exceptionally drained. I wanna eat dinner and just go to bed because of how bad that made me feel. I really like how serious he is about calling me out. He's made me like think and use my brain. But because of that.. I'm tired.

[mrs-tsunderemeitantei]

DISCLAIMER: HUGE, LONG RANT AHEAD!

ALSO SPOILERS IN CASE YOU'RE NOT UP TO DATE WITH THE MANGA OR WITH ZERO THE ENFORCER!

Soo in case you missed it, Gosho released the SDB Justice Plus some time last month:

The biggest shocker was the answer to Question number 4, shown below:

Basically this translates to:

Q4: On the Mystery Train, he (Amuro) said to Miyano Shiho that “My comrades who are tracking us have made arrangements in order to retrieve you”, but were those comrades from PSB? If that’s the case, I’m curious about how he planned to deceive Vermouth...!

A: Those were comrades from the Black Organization, so there was no need to deceive them.

Ummmm...what??

Idk about y'all but when I read this, I was livid. It didn’t make any sense to me. And quite frankly, I didn't want it to. Maybe because I am one of those (very rare) people who thought Rei and Shiho could eventually end up together (Don't laugh, it would have made sense, and I'll write about that in a separate post).

Anywho, safe to say Gosho's latest confession left me in absolute confusion. Like why? Just why? Then I realised I'm more butt-hurt about this because I was fixated on a certain idea of Rei's character and chose to ignore his other sides, as if they didn't exist. It didn't help that his past is so freaking depressing which got me sympathizing with his character and led me to either ignore or make excuses for any red flags.

But now that I think about it, it sadly makes sense. It also explains why he didn't show any sadness or regret when he saw Shiho supposedly ‘die’ in the luggage cart in the Bell Tree Train Arc.

Now to let me wrap my head around this, I needed to breakdown his three "faces":

1. Amuro Tooru is a cheerful, friendly, generous, carefree, outgoing man.

2. Furuya Rei is a serious, law-abiding, calculating, patriotic police officer who is willing to die for Japan's security.

3. And Bourbon is a devious, manipulative, cunning, deadly agent.

Yet, ever since we found out he was in fact an NPA agent, we (or at least I), seem to have forgotten about those dark sides he possesses. Also with Zero's tea time showing us a softer side of his character it was easy to get caught up in "he's 100% one of the god guys" when in fact, he's a complex, grey character. 

He has shown on multiple occasions, just how far he is willing to go, to achieve whatever goal he’s set his mind on. Let's not forget how in Zero the Enforcer, he completely flipped the switch. (I know this isn't Canon but...) The man went as far as to create a suspect and jail the innocent Mori Kogoro so he can legally investigate the case and emotionally manipulate Conan into unkowningly help with the investigation.

Also, in the Detective Nocturne’s case he deliberately didn’t tell Ran as soon as he noticed Conan might have been kidnapped by the criminal because he hadn’t finished investigating the apartment.

And in the Scarlet Arc, he was willing to harm Jodie's teacher friend, so he can lure out the FBI and advance his investigation on Akai’s death. Let’s not forget once he figured out the truth, he was willing to expose Akai’s fake death (which I get it he's out for revenge), but by doing so, he would have also gotten Kir killed (even though I'm pretty sure he knew at that point, she was in fact a NOC).

As we can see, be it Bourbon, Furuya Rei or  Amuro Toru, he will stop at nothing to reach his goals, even if it means throwing innocent people under the bus. So, now when Gosho says his "partners" were in fact BO members and not the PSB, I'm no longer surprised.

I mean, why wouldn’t he sell Shiho back to the organisation? Because he knew she was Sensei’s daughter, and that should have meant something to him? Alright, let’s talk about that.

Did he love Shiho’s mum? Yes, he did, there’s no doubt about that (one of the reasons he joined the joined the police in the first place was to find her, so you can't convince me otherwise).

But what if he loved Japan even more? (It's not canon, but he did say in Zero the Enforcer that the safety of this country matters most to him, even if it means he’d end up paying with his own life).

So, I'm going to take a wild guess as to how he could have felt when he found out the woman he loved as his own mother, willingly joined the deadly organisation that threatened the safety of his country. Based on his memories, he remembered her encouraging her husband to join the Carasuma group.

So, if through his investigations, he was able to realise she is the same woman from his childhood, I’m pretty sure he would have been very disappointed.  I’m not sure the extent of his knowledge about the drug, but if he also found out their research created the poisonous APTX-4869, I reckon it would be more reason for him to be upset.

Now let's talk about Haibara/Shiho. To any outsider who's unaware of the truth of her past, she is a woman born into the organisation, then was groomed and taught from a young age by the syndicate and promoted to take on their research. A research that produced a poisonous drug, just like her parents did. Also, she only ran away after the organisation killed her sister. Before that, she was a high-ranking member. With all these facts, why would he think of her as anything but a criminal just like the rest of the BO members? It’d be rather foolish for him to not hand her back to the organisation just because she is the daughter of the woman he once thought so highly of. If anything, he’d be killing two birds with one stone, by executing a criminal, while also gaining higher standing in the organisation.

As fans of Haibara, we are rightfully upset by his intentions of returning her to the organisation because we know her truth. He doesn't. It wasn't until we learnt more about her painful past and kind and caring nature that we grew to love her. We know she never wanted to create a poisonous drug. That she already hated the organisation for using the drug as a poison. That she had to develop the drug to protect Akemi’s life.

There is no way Rei would have known about any of the bullying she or her family faced from the BO. By nature, Shiho is very secretive and reserved and very little of her personality or history would have been known by any of the BO members (except maybe Gin). Therefore, apart from the files the BO would have kept on Shiho and her role in the organisation, that’s all Rei had to learn about her. So, I can’t really blame him for choosing to hand her back to the organisation.

Some people who are still in denial, argue that if he planned to kill Shiho, why was he willing to kill whom he thought was Vermouth instead of handing her over?

Shouldn’t that prove he was going to take Shiho to safety to the PSB, not the BO? Before Gosho's statement, I would have agreed but now...sigh. Now, I get why he did that. If Shiho were to die BEFORE she was returned to the organisation, he wouldn’t have gained the trust he was seeking. If she were to die AFTER he delivered her, I highly doubt it would have mattered to him. Although I'm still hoping he maybe he had a plan of not leaving her in the organisation's clutches after "handing her back" and he never truly intended on getting her killed. But since Gosho also said there was no need to deceive Vermouth, I highly doubt it. (Heart breaking).

After such an explanation, does everything make more sense now? Maybe. Am I ok with it? Hell no! I’m quite angry and annoyed that this is how things turned out to be, but it is what it is. We have to accept that Rei is not a good character, and he's not a bad character. He's a grey character and when you think of it that way, it's easier to understand his behaviour. Not that I agree with it. After Gosho's statement, I think pretty sure Rei is in dire need of some character development. He could stand to learn a thing or two from Conan who manages to reach his goals while preserving as many lives as possible (Akai's fake death being the burst example while managing to drive Kir back to the BO).

For now, I’m looking forward to the developments that will entail. I’m curious to see how Rei and Haibara will react once they eventually meet each other. It'll be interesting to see what will go through his mind once he figures out her true identity. One thing I'm sure of is once they're introduced to each other, emotions will be running high and things will get intense. Which honestly, I can't wait for and I'm counting down the days till I get a proper Amuro/Haibara interaction.