#idk if this is as much of a thing outside brazil but over here where you and your family are from is a huge part of your identity

[dreamcast-official]

i stg the next time i get made fun of for having a southern accent im gonna kill a bitch

[sirsparklepants]

I've been staring at my WIPs a lot recently, as you do, and I think it's time to release everything I've got of my favorite story I will never write. I kind of fell out of Overwatch before I had the spoons for longfic, and now there's so much lore to catch up on (this dates from before Doomfist was released) that I'm just not going to be able to incorporate, but it's still a really great idea that I really love, so I'm going to put my story notes and snippets out into the wild.

The Darkness In Our Hands

Jesse McCree wasn't expecting to get a message when the Recall went out. He'd been Blackwatch, after all - he'd written half their playbook. But he'd lived five years with the death and slander of Gabriel Reyes burning in his chest, not knowing who to blame, and this new Overwatch was the best way to find out who had killed him so he could kill them right back. But the deeper he looks, the more mysteries he finds - and he'll need some help if he's ever going to get his justice.

[[MORE]]

Crime and conspiracy fic

Opening: McCree, in the middle of nowhere, New Mexico - give insight into the state of the world and how territorial governments are, him thinking on Reyes and what he owes to him, the recall message, decides to respond but have his own agenda.

He travels thinking about how different from the rest of Overwatch Blackwatch was, and how he hopes at least one Blackwatch agent has made it back, thinking about past with Genji - flashbacks to unsavory missions maybe? Arrival - he sees new faces and is not particularly prepared because he didn't feel it was secure enough to ask on a comm line who was there. Not as familiar with this base, paranoia rising, but then a familiar face! Sort of. (when he arrives Reinhardt and Brigitte are fighting about Brigitte calling Torb on him, Reinhardt doesn't want to pull Torb away from his wife) ← might combine these two into one chapter?

Genji puts him off when he initially tries to talk though, and when McCree pulls him aside to speak about his own personal mission Genji talks first about Hanzo and Genji's changes, and McCree realizes that Genji is so utterly different as to be unrelatable, so he never does tell Genji the whole story of why he's there. Genji asks him to give Hanzo a chance instead of acting on his loyalties to Genji and providing retribution. End of section, Hanzo arrives

McCree and Hanzo spend some time scoping each other out but they can both tell they're very different from the people around them. A particular do-gooder incident happens and they bond over looking at each other like “r u srs rn”. Meanwhile, Winston is creating profiles for everyone and trying to find a fit for like… intelligence gathering, brute force, explosives, etc - team roles I guess? In the interests of that are exhaustive interviews and training. First kinky sex somewhere in here

McCree is getting antsy at this point and I need to move along from character development to actual plot, so time to send out trial field intel squad for a rootin tootin hopefully not shootin time! They go - somewhere with a large Asian population where someone McCree’s size won't stand out. Uh. This is a note to do more research into where Omniums are. Hong Kong maybe? Hong Kong is a good city for crime. Maybe Singapore if I want to make things difficult for them what with all the weapons laws. Anyway. Somewhere with an omnic population that's not great with outsiders but Genji knows enough about their culture to be respectful and he's metal enough he won't stand out. They're not actually researching Talon but McCree is! Hanzo catches him and then they're wary partners. The omnic culture thing is a breadcrumb, be sure to emphasize it.

They leave and Genji finds out Jesse and Hanzo are screwing and starts laughing and taunting them both and being a fucker, he gets slightly let in on the Reyes plot, Intel Squad tentatively a success, they've all bonded and everyone is confused about it

Meanwhile while they were gone a stomach bug swept the base and Mercy throws a fit about not being a GP. McCree shares a cigar with her to calm her down and starts making a plan to try and get information sneakily out of everyone by reminiscing - I think??? No one knows who Reaper actually is at this point??? Anyway everyone talks shit about the UN and there's more worldbuilding dumps because this feels like the right place to put it. McCree and Hanzo and Genji are kept basically quarantined until the base isn't contagious and in that time they devise A Plan. Also enter Zenyatta because Mercy really needs a backup doctor

Lúcio isn't vetted yet so McCree gets sent out alone to send him an offer, there's a Talon base in Brazil he investigates on the way maybe? I feel like this is enough outline to be getting on with atm tho. Yeah, talon base in Brazil where there's a mention of Talon trying to infiltrate Vishkar

Meanwhile, Ana and 76 have shown up at Gibraltar because they figured out someone was tracking their movements and wanted to go to ground in the general area but spotted the activity there and they're both not best pleased that Overwatch has started back up. When McCree comes back with Lúcio there's another fight he walks into - a running joke? Every time he returns to base there's someone yelling. Second kinky sex, very dominance and pain flavored because McCree needs to shut his brain up. Or maybe not, that’s a long time to go without porn??? Maybe they have coitus interruptus with Genji and that’s how he finds out

Ana and 76 hang around for a while but can't stomach the idea of being there too long because they have their own mission but they drop the bomb that Reaper is Reyes and he's Teh Evulz now because they know too much and i need to get rid of them so we don’t have experienced field operatives for mccree to work around. Also some Widowmaker info dump here. McCree pretends to be shocked but he has a different definition of evil than most people so he doubles down on his investigation and wants Hanzo to give up some contacts. Metal arm fisting here maybe???

what. the fuck. has reaper been doing all this time. has he just been swanning around in the background ruining investigations? maybe he’s laying low because the winston raid thing made him so visible? talon needs to work underground so yeah this sounds right. in the meantime VISKHAR because lucio is here now so we can talk more about the evils of corporations and have corporate espionage going on. Lucio says they should look more into vishkar and they make contact with symmetra who is a whistleblower, ideological clash because that’s what i’m about. lucio and symmetra are both trans with prosthetics btw, that’s happening now because i said so and because hormones are a horrible way to control someone and so it makes sense that vishkar controls sym’s access to them along with her arm. because they’re fuckers. A N Y W A Y vishkar knows things about the old omnica corporation.

sombra makes contact with them here because she’s been keeping an eye on the new overwatch and talon thinks that maybe mccree could be an ally, not that he knows that at the time but they test him out with a dead drop with omnic-related code shit on a TEAM MISSION which happens to, idk, build goodwill or something. winston got info from someone for something and i have to have at least one team mission happen in the foreground, it can’t be all background shit and Intel Group. the mission goes. okay-ish. someone gets fairly seriously injured? tracer, maybe, or reinhardt, either way i can write their significant others fussing over them. it’s a member of old overwatch so winston can be conflicted and take people off field missions for a bit so mccree can tinker around and end up having to ask zenyatta for help. a much longer sex scene than normal here somewhere? OHYES this is where i’m gonna stick the scene where Hanzo makes McCree take off his prosthetic legs and makes McCree leave on his prosthetic arm (because pain kink and metal arm kink and he has to have both arms to handle him) and basically makes McCree fuck him in exactly the way he likes, up to and including making McCree bounce him up and down on his lap. AND THEN ACTUAL AFTERCARE HAPPENS FOR ONCE, A TURNING POINT. perhaps there’s a scene where one of them lays their head on the other’s sweaty heaving chest and doesn’t even mind the sweat in fine romance novel tradition

something has to happen here for pacing reasons but i’m fucked if i know exactly what. uhhhh for Reasons they have to go to an omnic city? more omnic culture and worldbuilding dump here.

aaaaand then the Reveal Chapter: reyes knows something about this mystery mccree stumbled into when he was investigating the death, and he’s willing to talk. hanzo and mccree make plans to meet with him. and then we find out that the reason reyes blew switzerland was because he was working for talon ALL ALONG. the chapter ends with a ridiculous dramatic sequence where mccree puts together all the evidence and goes “so talon was created to fight the god programs”

okay this is the chapter when i get down to the nitty-gritty and break down the structure of talon and have like. a nice artsy chapter explaining how the omnics came to be and how the government created wars to be fucks and all that. i will get to the details of this LATER but the important part is that at the end of it hanzo and mccree are secret talon moles and they have actually pretty kink-free sex while staring into each other’s eyes and kind of freak each other out with how they like and trust each other and that doesn’t happen in their world but it’s overshadowed by the freakout of them agreeing to work for a shadow organization that wants to destabilize all the world’s governments, the fuck were we thinking??? the fuck was i thinking this isn’t even the proper climax, i die

okay for pacing reasons i have to have at least two chapters of them doing double agent things and getting more deeply involved in overwatch, fuck. some public missions should be mentioned where they like. intervene in humanitarian crisises and shit. crises. whatever. maybe hanzo and mccree have to split up and feel sad that they miss each other? one chapter for hanzo to make contact with his shady criminal underworld people to get verifiable info - maybe like. idk. plastic surgery clinic records - and mccree to re-emerge and rehabilitate his image?

and after that one chapter where like. winston gets suspicious about shit. and maybe??? they have to bring EVERYONE in on this huge conspiracy? they have enough evidence to convince other people? yeah i like this, i want to emphasize how ragtag and vigilante-like and underground the new overwatch is. probably an actual defining the relationship talk and possessive sex here.

story ends with like. a giant news story break i think. as i get closer to the end i’ll know more about what threads need resolving. BUT that is the end of my outline. I DID IT HOORAY

Notes

So McCree responds to the recall not because he believes in the cause like Winston does - he probably still sees most of Overwatch as outsiders, although he's at least surface friendly with most of them by the time he leaves based on in-game interactions - but because something in Overwatch killed Reyes, who he doesn't yet know is Reaper, and joining back up with Overwatch is his best chance to find out what it was and hit them back for killing someone who had his loyalty. He's friendly still because that's the best way to get what he wants, i.e. information and access to records, but this isn't like Blackwatch. He's not surrounded by people who came from the same type of lawless loyalty structure he did, who think the way he thinks - they all believe in restorative justice, and his whole life, justice has been nothing but punitive. The only person he was counting on to understand him, Genji, has changed, and it's probably better for him, but he's become different. He doesn't lash out the way he used to. He believes in second chances, where in the places they both came from, you paid for a second chance in blood. He's done with revenge. He's well and truly gotten out of the life, and McCree has never changed his mindset and never will, because it's kept him alive this long. But Genji has brought along someone he does understand - his brother. McCree gets Hanzo, he gets why he did what he did, even though he regrets it. McCree isn't happy about it, but when he was fifteen he came along to meet the cartels with Deadlock, and when he was sixteen he saw what they did to turncoats. You pay for treachery with blood in their world, and Genji betrayed the Shimadas by passing along information. Hanzo paid when he lost his place, and he made his clan pay for what they made him do. Him, McCree understands, and McCree starts testing him out, because he could use an ally in finding out what was under the surface of squeaky clean Overwatch.

And Hanzo understands him. Hanzo is here because he owes a debt to his brother, still, and because he wants to understand Genji. But everyone in Overwatch is alien to him. They take him working for them as a given, as if of course he would want to make up for what he's done. But there's a difference between owing a debt and regretting his whole life. Hanzo was an assassin after he left the Shimadas, and he feels no need to atone for that. It was what he was skilled in, and he also became skilled in finding things out his clients did not wish him to, because being manipulated by his clan taught him to be canny, to find out people's real motivations. So he knows McCree wants his skills for something, but he's willing to make an alliance for the sake of mutual understanding.

So they ally together, with the understanding that any betrayal will be paid in blood, that they both know different tricks of the trade. McCree wants information on Overwatch, and Hanzo wants protection and information on Genji. McCree works on the old guard to find things out, and Hanzo gets in touch with his criminal contacts in every place he's deployed on a mission. And they start to find things out about Talon...

I don't actually know what the resolution to that story would be. The talon-is-hydra-overwatch-is-shield thing has been done. Maybe I'd go a route of "talon was actually founded by Reaper to fight corruption in the UN and that's how he has all those Blackwatch members" and there would be a worldwide conspiracy where the God programs and therefore the omnic crisis were created by top tiers of government and weapons corporations to create a threat that would keep governments separate, give them more power, and give the companies more profit.

...y'know what I actually really like that idea. The world was getting closer and closer to more human rights and one large global government, and corporations and world powers really didn't like that. So what's the best way for humans to give power to government? When they want to be protected from a threat, of course. And they won't be thinking rationally. They'll want to stay apart, because of course the whole thing is *insert other country*'s fault. So Hanzo and McCree run into Reaper and discover this conspiracy and are from then on Reaper's agents inside Overwatch, both to get information and to get enough media exposure they're familiar faces and trusted by the public. So when they blow this thing wide open, it can't be swept under the rug.

Bonus things in this story:

-they have to bring Genji in because he has the most connections to the omnic community through Zenyatta and Omnics have some key evidence to the conspiracy

-bastion provides an essential clue.

-omnic culture and worldbuilding

-underground cities

-Sombra is key, both as a contact that knows what's going on in Mexico (where Important Things should happen just because I mentioned the cartels so they should play at leat a minor part) and in helping them to get into Blackwatch data undetected

-symmetra helps them spy on Vishkar, which was one of the corporations to profit the most from the crisis because they got the most contracts for rebuilding

-Hanzo, McCree, and Genji sit around and exchange stories about things they had to do for deadlock/the Shimadas; it's all horrifically violent and gory but they all three get drunk and laugh about it because it's their life and they won't let it break them and it kept them alive

-it ends with Genji being happy that he's not forced to do lots of violence any more and McCree and Hanzo being perfectly happy with their very violent lives

So Talon has a ruling council which both Reaper and Doomfist are a part of and factions are #confirmed (ty for info people who are up on overwatch lore I Cannot watch a video rn), and Talon is all involved in a global conspiracy. That's canon. So what if Talon is several disparate movements that allied themselves? They need to fight this war on all the fronts they can, given the potential power of their opponents.

Irl, the UN is not a super powerful body - people put much more faith in individual governments of countries. So what makes the UN able to create a peacekeeping force? Well, what if before the crisis, some large thing happened that made the world move towards one earth government and the UN being powerful is remnants of that?

Kind of tempted to channel my frustration with the world falling apart and all the political conflicts into saying that in like... 2022 or sth, something bad enough happened that humanity decided that the only solution was to come together - perhaps we came close to nuclear annihilation? Just writing about it as a small bit of backstory and making the Scary Potential a side note in history seems like it could be really reassuring. Thoughts? (2020 note: I wrote this in 2017 and all I have to say today is OOF)

With this cooperation between nations, corporations couldn't take advantage of cheap labor in developing countries any more, and there was more of a focus on education. That could account for the leaps and bounds in science in sixty years. But that lack of cheap labor meant that robotics was developed more and more, until automation became artificial intelligences. Omnics.

The game takes place in 2076 and the Crisis took place anywhere from 20 to 30 years before that. I'll say it didn't officially start until 2050, but for several years there were developing tensions and small-scale attacks. Historians disagree about the exact cause of the crisis.

It was in the best interest of the Omnica Corporation to not let on how intelligent and sentient Omnics were - with the new focus on human rights, it was only a matter of time before an omnic rights movement erupted.

But the information started to leak. Sometime in the late 2040s, people who worked closely with Omnics started to talk to other people, tell them about how they really were intelligent and person like. And if it came out that the corporation had been deliberately hiding that, things would be bad.

So they had to do damage control.

Meanwhile, the governments of nations that used to be world powers, that used to do as they pleased, aren't that pleased with the fact that they have a lot of eyes on them and they can't meddle the way they used to in the world.

So they get together, and they throw money at the problem, and they come up the the God Programs.

Scientists worked in cells, and when they were done, they often disappeared. There could be no evidence.

And then it didn't matter how intelligent Omnics were. They were the enemy, and everyone hated them. The top executives of the Omnica corporation knew they would be hated, so they had a backup plan. They disappeared. They had surgeries. Their money went somewhere else under a different name. And they resurfaced in areas very far from any of the fighting.

Here is the secret that the Omnics and Sombra help uncover: Omnics were not meant to evolve, to change, beyond basic learning. Originally, they couldn't modify themselves. They had to come to a licensed technician, who was human. Quality control. Planned obsolescence. What the God programs did was take that cap off, distribute a patch that meant that Omnics could fix themselves - but there was a worm in the code that allowed them to be taken over. And the information that would allow that to happen? Before the crisis, it was proprietary corporate information. That shit had the highest security levels in the modern world. Corporations are very protective of their secrets. So either they were infiltrated or the crisis was an inside job. Either way, it was orchestrated by humans.

There's an implication that no humans worked in the Omniums at all, that they were completely automated, and I'm just... Gonna ignore that because it boggles the mind. The people who worked there did have to wear constant radiation shielding because apparently if Omniums are destroyed they leak radiation (or is it that the Australian one was destroyed with a nuclear device? Can anyone help me find a straight answer on this because it makes no sense) but they did work there because automation and seeing things indirectly through cameras and things means the Omniums were networked, and if they were networked they were less secure. So people worked there.

The plan to make the god programs was started off by the fraud accusations and was what caused the executives to bail the fuck out. Several plastic surgery clinics got entirely new wings just before the omnic crisis and I think this should be a weird clue that someone - probably Sombra through her hacking or Symmetra through her knowledge of corporate ins and outs - digs up.

The God programs and the militarized omnics that were pumped out allowed omnics to modify themselves and to develop things like their own independent communication methods and languages. Omnic language is a combination of binary and different computer code languages. There are different regional "dialects" depending what code language was easiest for the omnics in the area to learn and adapt to when modifying their own programming. It's also most often encrypted with... Probably some method I'll have to do research on.

Oops well I think I just ran myself into a big fuckin' wall here, and that wall is Widowmaker. She is canonically brainwashed by Talon into an assassin, and I don't want to make her husband Awful Abusive Forever and erase what was done to her.

Maybe Widowmaker is the face of Talon's moral ambiguity - she was created by a now-defunct Mad Science branch because while her husband wasn't awful for her, he was in a key position, and killing him would destabilize the power structure, and because Talon as a group's motto is probably "the end justifies the means", they still use her. This is probably a major sticking point for any omnics that want to join Talon's cause, and I could use that to highlight how desperate people can get when they're facing someone who has massive power over them.

Actually, have a couple of crime and conspiracy fic tidbits related to that: when he first went on the run, Hanzo got a nasty infection because he was so used to biotics that he didn't glove up or properly sterilize his tools before treating his own wounds. After a ten day course of penicillin derivative and a bad stomach reaction to them, he learned. Conversely, Deadlock probably had one or two fairly low-power biotic emitters, probably military surplus, and use of them was a privilege if you were high-ranking or a reward if you'd done particularly well but got kind of fucked up in the meantime. McCree has one or two big scars on his torso, and they're pretty visible because he got them young, but they don't inhibit his movements because he got treatment for them during his Blackwatch days. Hanzo, on the other hand, has a nasty hypertrophic scar on his upper thigh from the infection he got, and it occasionally restricts his movements.

Snippets

The stomach virus one

They hadn't been directed to medbay after the debriefing. This new Overwatch hadn't exactly established much standard operating procedure - hard to when you were a bunch of vigilantes and more or less all wanted under international law - but it still struck Jesse wrong, whatever Winston said. He'd known Angela longer than he'd known anyone here but Genji. They didn't run in the same circles, but they'd both been recruited before they were really supposed to be, and that gave them a bit of camaraderie Jesse wasn't afraid to lean on. He left the Shimadas to their not quite good-natured bickering and headed for the office just off the infirmary.

Angela's face, when he opened the door, made him glad he'd stopped by. Even her legendary (and probably nanite-enhanced, given the direction of her research) youthful looks were flagging under some kind of strain. Her undereyes were dark and her mouth was drawn, which in a trauma surgeon used to work in the field meant she'd been working for days on four hours or less. Jesse didn't have to do much beyond waving the nice cigars he'd picked up in (location) at her before she was out of her chair and headed towards the nearest balcony with him, monitor clipped to the lapel of her white coat. They hadn't smoked together since the recall, but the old tradition they shared seemed to be as clear in her mind as it was in his.

He was quiet for a few moments, just passing her the lighter, until they'd both blown out slow mouthfuls of fragrant smoke. Then Angela sighed, and some of the tension slipped away from her shoulders as she stared off at the waves. "You probably shouldn't be even this close to me, Jesse."

Jesse laughed at her, a low quiet chuckle. Anything truly serious and Athena wouldn't have let him anywhere near medical. "And why's that?" he asked her, slowly pulling in the rich smoke and rolling it around his mouth.

"The whole base has come down with a nasty stomach virus," she told him. "I have most of them in cots, hooked up to IVs. It's horrible! A certain amount of bodily fluids is to be expected in this job, of course, but the cleaning drones simply can't keep up. It's as much as I can do to keep everyone hydrated and mostly clean. Comfortable is out of the question. It's very contagious, and I haven't done work like this since my residency! I'm not a generalist. I don't prescribe birth control or deal with routine ailments!" Her accent grew sharper as she spoke, and when she'd finished, she took a deep breath before taking her own smooth pull of cigar smoke.

Jesse winced. He was glad any lingering sour smell was covered up by their cigars. He'd take blood and guts over vomit any day. "The whole base?" he asked. No wonder the corridors had been so quiet.

Angela nodded emphatically. "Everyone present, except for Winston, of course. I'm simply thankful it isn't zoonotic."

Jesse whistled. The infirmary had to be filled to capacity. "And nothing you've given 'em makes the nausea any better? That does sound nasty."

Angela froze with her cigar halfway to her mouth, and then began to curse emphatically. (German curses here.) She pulled her bangs with her free hand. "I can't believe I've been so stupid! I never give patients an antiemetic, it's dangerous when they could have been drinking poisoned water, but that doesn't apply here! (More German curses.)" Eventually, she subsided and took a particularly vicious pull off of her cigar.

"Easy with that," Jesse told her. "That's the good stuff - don't waste it."

"Oh, I'm not wasting it, believe me," she told him. "It's keeping me from storming Winston's office and demanding he add a generalist to the staff. Doctors have specializations, and this one isn't mine!"

"I could talk to him, if you like," Jesse told her. His voice was even, though inside he was triumphant. He'd wanted a reason to bring Zenyatta on, and the universe had just dumped it in his lap. "Might even have someone in mind."

"Would you?" Angela asked him, staring wistfully at the half a cigar she had left. "It's only - I have to dose everyone now, and wait half an hour to see how they respond, and I haven't slept since - too long."

"Wouldn't mind a bit," Jesse told her. "You worry about clearing out the infirmary. I'll work on our fearless leader."

Angela looked, briefly, as if she was about to cry. Instead, she breathed in deeply and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, her expression had settled. "Thank you, Jesse," she told him, and smiled. The expression was no less lovely for being surrounded by signs of her exhaustion. "These really are quite nice," she added, puffing again on her cigar.

Jesse laughed. "You come find me whenever you need another one," he told her. They smoked the rest of their cigars in silence.

The twelve o'clock high one

76 - Morrison - sighed. There came the sounds of him pacing around the room, his ridiculous boots heavy against the grating. "Winston," he said finally, "you like movies. You ever watch any old war movies - from the 20th century, I mean?"

"Well, no," Winston said, sounding honestly puzzled. "Most of them are well over a century old. I didn't think they'd have much cultural relevance."

Morrison snorted. "Not much cultural relevance," he repeated. "Maybe not out in the world, but here in Overwatch - in any place you've got to take command and order people into the line of fire - they still matter. Put one on your list. Twelve O'Clock High. The original, from 1949, not the remake they made right after the crisis." His gruff voice didn't make it a suggestion. Still used to ordering people around, McCree guessed.

"I will, but why would you pull me aside just to say that?" Winston sounded baffled and slightly irritated.

Morrison sighed again, a heavy put-upon sound. "This would be easier if you'd seen the damn thing. Used to have all the command track recruits watch it." The pacing sounds started up again for several moments.

"It's a movie about leadership," Morrison said finally. "And about what happens when you get too close to the people under your command. It's bad for you and it's bad for the mission, and it gets people killed. You can't be their commander and their friend at the same time."

"I fail to see how any of this is your business," Winston said, voice firm and starting to get frosty. You tell 'em, bud, McCree thought.

"I watched this organization fall once because of its commanders," Morrison said. "I can't watch you make the same mistakes. I bowed too far to the UN, but Reyes was too close to his men. Some of them came in young, but they'd done things that made sure they would never be kids again. Reyes couldn't see that. They were all loyal to him in their own way, as much as they could be, but he thought it meant he owed them some loyalty too, and he couldn't do that and send them into danger like we had back then for special ops. They got into his head, made him too much like them, and he snapped."

Winston was saying something else, and McCree forced himself to pay attention to that instead of the rush of blood in his ears, his clenched hands, his pounding heart.

"I believe that will be all, 76," Winston said. The frost in his tone had thickened up into a full ice sheet. McCree took that as his cue to slink out before the super soldier sniffed out his hiding spot - literally, maybe.

Morrison thought his loyalty put Reyes in a bad spot? It sure had - but it was his lingering loyalty to Jack Morrison that had gotten him killed, McCree was sure. Morrison really was blind if he thought Reyes had been doing anything in Zurich besides trying to pull Morrison's blond ass out of there before it blew.

what I have of chapter one

Jesse McCree had disappeared. Oh, he surfaced every now and then in some attention-grabbing way, but it wasn't healthy for a man with a bounty as high as his to go around under his own name. He'd taken a handful of false identities with him when he'd left Blackwatch, and he did enough flashy stunts with his familiar getup from the bounty posters to keep anyone from digging deeper and finding them. Most people figured he spent the rest of his time lurking around all the lonely, uncivilized places of the Southwest, like he had before he joined up - it was closer to the twenty-second century than the twenty-first, but urban sprawl hadn't conquered all the emptiness of his home state yet. So he was very surprised to receive any communication addressed to Jesse McCree at all, much less on the secure comm he carried more for sentiment than practicalities these days. And yet there was still a quiet, persistent chirp indicating a message for him.

Jesse wasn't stupid, of course. He didn't open the message that day. He'd spent too much time in a covert ops unit to trust anything that could send an active signal. He let it stay in the hard-sided guitar case that held his weapons and anything else he didn't want connected to the soft-spoken insurance adjuster who rented his Albuquerque apartment. Instead, he used his legitimate phone to reserve Chris Stevenson a campsite at a national park and rent a car for the weekend. No one had yet managed to bring enough signal towers out there that phones worked, and the campers liked it that way. Chris liked it too - it gave him a good excuse for not being available if his boss called with a last minute assignment, he told the park ranger.

Jesse, on the other hand, wasn't much for camping - he'd spent more than enough time out under the stars, first in Deadlock and then in Blackwatch, and his back wasn't as young as it used to be. But needs must - the signal could be a trap, or it could be someone from the old days needing his help. You could say a lot of bad things about Jesse McCree - most did, these days. But he knew what he owed Reyes and Blackwatch both, and he paid back his debts.

The canyon he'd chosen had several isolated hiking trails, and he set off for one just after dawn the day after he'd arrived. The other tents, few as they were, were quiet. He still waited until he'd reached the peak of his chosen trail, where he could see anyone coming, before he played the message.

Of all the faces he'd expected to project in front of him, Winston's wasn't among them. He was too recognizable, and Jesse stifled the urge to curse. The audio was routed through the wireless headset he'd brought, of course, but five years on, Winston's face still screamed Overwatch to anyone who cared to see. A talking gorilla was hard to forget. Still, Jesse let the message finish - it was very early - and dropped the comm into a pocket of the backpack he'd brought with him. Then he sat down right where he was.

Anyone passing by might have thought he'd be watching the sunrise, but he'd seen too many from the wrong end when he was with Deadlock to be stunned by nature's beauty any more. Chris was watching the sunrise, of course - a natural early riser, he saw sunrises from as many places as he could get away with. But Jesse McCree just happened to be staring at the horizon while he contemplated his options.

He didn't doubt the comm had sent some sort of locational ping out, so he'd need to burn Chris no matter what he decided. A pity - he'd liked being somewhere familiar, a place where he knew the lay of the land, how to find the best restaurant in a little highway town, which outcroppings kept you out of view of the satellites passing by, which streets nice people avoided at night. Couldn't be helped, though. Most of the Southwest was dangerous for him now. He couldn’t be sure someone hadn’t piggybacked whatever ping Winston’s call had sent out. He was inclined to curse his luck, hop a train, and move out - somewhere east, maybe - except. There was something he owed, and a debt to a ghost didn't make it any less real. He didn't have anything in common with the old Overwatch staff he guessed that idealistic message had been aimed at, but they had resources and records. Maybe he could use them to track down what really happened to Reyes.

Jesse’d been halfway to disappearing on a deep-cover mission - all they did in Blackwatch those days - when the news about Zurich broke. He could smell bullshit on a cover story from a mile away, and this one reeked. Reyes wasn’t jealous of Morrison - that asshole had to deal with the paperwork and politics while Reyes got to intervene in the real hot spots. If he’d been in Zurich, it was out of a sense of loyalty to his old army buddy. That loyalty had gotten him killed, and no one in Overwatch seemed interested in doing anything but slandering him after the fact.

Just because they didn't do much of an investigation didn't mean that they didn't still have records up in Gibraltar, though. The Watchpoints had all been networked at one point. Athena had had limits put on her when the Petras Act passed, but Winston had made her devious, under all the fussing. She had to be if she was going to fight Overwatch’s enemies. McCree's access had been stripped when the UN had recalled Blackwatch’s authorization, but that meant jack shit if Athena decided he needed to know something. And he knew how to ingratiate himself with her.

It’d mean the end of his relatively peaceful existence, but hell, he'd already known he'd have to get rid of Chris and go on the run. Might as well run a little farther than usual. He could check out the lay of the land, see who all was there and what they were up to. It wouldn't be fun - he was Reyes’ man to the bone, still, and none of the proper Overwatch agents would understand that - but this was the closest he'd come to being able to pay back the man who'd changed his life in years. He couldn't let it slip through his fingertips.

International travel was, according to those who could remember, a bit more difficult to manage now than it was before the Crisis. The United States especially had buckled down on the jingoism, blaming most of Europe for letting the Omnica Corporation run wild. It wasn't as bad as it has been in the 20s, of course, but if Overwatch hadn't provided the encryption on his passport themselves, McCree would have found himself paying a pretty penny for a good fake. As it was, he wasn't exactly flush with cash right now, so he was glad Chris’s papers were still good.

Chris Stevenson, despite his whitebread name, had family in Spain: a sister who'd recently taken ill. So he - and Jesse McCree, under his skin - was flying to Madrid. Teleporters were still new and expensive, and Chris couldn't afford one. The days of the ancient, cramped airliners were long over, though. Chris had a ticket on an overnight flight, with his own little cot and plastic privacy wall and two credits to use in the onboard cafeteria.

The flight attendant directed them all through the ship’s amenities, pointing out the cafeteria and the bathrooms as well as the small rec area, on the way to direct them all to their berths. They had to go through the first class lounge first thing, of course - probably to make them all regret they hadn’t coughed up enough to spend half the trip on leather furniture drinking premium cocktails. Jesse couldn’t care less about it. He planned to eat, sleep, and then eat on this trip; airline food wasn’t that great, but he’d eaten plenty of bad shit in his life, and he’d need the rest and the calories to find the best ways to ditch Chris’s identity and make his way across the border into Gibraltar.

The berths were more private than the ones on most of the Overwatch transports he’d been on in his time, but that wasn’t saying much; military didn’t think anything of communal bunkrooms for everyone but officers, and Overwatch had always been true to its military roots. The ship wasn’t ritzy enough to have sound cancelling tech in any cabin but first class, so he could hear the contained but emphatic ruckus happening two berths over. Politeness would have dictated Chris did his best to ignore it, but Jesse had always been an incurable snoop, and years of covert ops hadn’t exactly curbed that. He tucked his bags under the plastic frame of his ship’s cot and leaned against the thin barrier under the guise of working his boots off.

“I don’t see why we’re kept out of the lounge,” a voice Jesse pegged as belonging to someone around Reinhardt’s age said crossly. “We paid our fare just like everyone else!”

“I’m afraid the lounge is for first class passengers only,” said their flight attendant, in the calming tones universal to customer service employees who weren’t allowed to tell customers to fuck off but who really wished they could. “However, if you would like to upgrade -”

“Don’t you upgrade me!” the older voice said again. “I went on these transports when they were first made, twenty years ago, and they didn’t have any sort of restrictions! This is just - it’s a cash grab, is what it is, by unscrupulous -”

“Pop! He can’t do anything about that. I’m sure it’s corporate policy,” interrupted a younger voice, audibly embarrassed. “I’m so sorry about this.”

“It’s quite all right - I understand change is difficult. Can I offer you -”

“We’re not interested in little placating gifts, like drink tickets, you corporate shill!” the older voice yelled again.

Jesse felt a twinge of sympathy for the flight attendant having to deal with all that, but he felt it was safe to tune out at that point. His boots - sturdy hiking boots, not the attention-getting cowboy boots of his wanted poster getup, good for grip on all sorts of surfaces - were unlaced and under the bunk and they weren’t quite underway, so he decided he’d be hitting the cafeteria early. And maybe he’d shell out for a drink for the old man’s traveling companion, he thought, shuffling quietly past the squabble. He was sure the flight attendant couldn’t drink on duty, or else he’d send him one first.

It was a ten-hour flight, and mission discipline should have sent him right to sleep for seven of them after his mediocre cafeteria meal. But he hadn’t had anyone hanging over his shoulder to enforce that discipline in five years, and sleep didn’t come easy. After an hour of trying to force himself into something deeper than a doze, he gave up and summoned the flight attendant for a drink. Jesse would have preferred to work out his troubles in a gym or at the range, but the transport had neither, and this was a good enough substitute to quiet the buzzing of his brain enough for a few hours’ rest.

He just couldn’t work it out, was the thing. Why had Winston called him, of all people, back? It didn’t fit with the do-gooder message he’d sent out. Jesse didn’t recall running with him much on the very few occasions he’d been sent to liaise with the main Overwatch forces, so it wasn’t out of some misplaced nostalgia. Winston’d been close with Tracer, though, and she’d seen him in action enough to know that he didn’t hold with tugging on heartstrings as a way to run things. None of Blackwatch had. Why did Winston bother sending the message out to them at all?

Jesse doubted many of the Blackwatch members - those still out of jail after the Petras Act stripped them of their pardons, anyway - would be at Gibraltar when he showed, with a message like that. Maybe Genji would. He’d been pretty tight with Reyes. Not as tight as Jesse, but the man needed some guidance on letting anger fuel you instead of rule you when he first joined up, and Reyes had that in spades. Jesse hoped he’d be there, or else he’d be running a covert mission in enemy territory solo, with no extraction plan and no end point. He could do it, but it’d be tricky. He hadn’t used anything more than basic infiltration skills in years, since his neighbors rarely required the effort. Overwatch was all trained operatives, though, and he’d be kept on his toes even with reliable backup.

Wasn’t worth borrowing trouble about, though. Jesse had more immediate concerns, like the best way to ditch Chris without raising too many suspicions, and how long he’d have to wait in Madrid before Peacekeeper made her own way across the Atlantic. And before all that, he needed to sleep. He knocked back the last swallow of his liquor and laid down, determined to get a little rest while he was secure.

It turned out that Peacekeeper wouldn’t be in Madrid after all. His smuggler contact had left him a coded message that told him to meet her for dinner in Malaga. Jesse’d had to hustle to get to the train, but he’d made it - and he was riding on the inside this time. Europe had more satellite cameras fixed on it than the deserts of the US did, and there was no reason to draw the attention of their flagging algorithms. Besides, the wireless connection inside the train was better.

One of Overwatch’s support staff had cooked up a program that disengaged an identity from public records gradually, in case anyone needed to use them again or the activity was being monitored. Jesse wasn’t supposed to have it still, but it’d been useful enough he transferred it from phone to phone. Over the next couple of weeks, Chris’s landlord and acquaintances would receive messages that his sister was sicker than he thought and he’d need to stay in Spain to manage her affairs. His bank account would make purchases to back that up. And with no close friends in the area, he’d quietly disappear unless Jesse needed him again. The program needed a stable connection to work, though, so it could learn from the communications he’d sent as Chris. The connection on the train was nicely anonymous, so it couldn’t be traced back to him.

Twenty minutes out from Malaga, Jesse took his bag into the bathroom. Instead of Chris’s baggy sweatshirt and wind pants, he put on tight jeans and a flannel button-up and pulled out a pair of wire-rimmed glasses. When he came out, he begged a hair tie off of a woman on the train, waggling his prosthetic fingers in explanation (they did get tangled in his hair if he wasn’t careful). When he was done, he looked like a tourist of a different type - a hipster American with a backpack and a guitar. The two days of stubble on his face made most natives peg him for an aging graduate student and give him a wide berth.

Carla, his contact, had left him a note at the Malaga information desk, and he followed her instructions to a worn-down bar that had probably been popular before the Crisis. It was looking a little worse for wear, though, and even before sundown had plenty of quiet, dark corners. Jesse spotted her iron-gray braid at a corner table and sat down, though not before getting a glass of wine at the bar.

“Auntie,” he said in Spanish as he settled in. He was sure Carla had heard his boots and spotted him well before he’d reached her table, but no use not being polite to someone who had your prize possession. “I hope you’ve been taking good care of my girl.”

Carla looked up at him and rolled her eyes. “Don’t I always?” she said in her crisp Iberian accent.

“You do, but the way you left Madrid, I’d almost think you wanted to keep her,” Jesse said, smiling in a way that didn’t hide the watchful glint in his eye.

Carla shook her head, but Jesse noticed she didn’t outright deny it. “Madrid gets so crowded this time of year,” she said. “It’s a little quieter here.”

“La Linea is even more peaceful, I hear,” Jesse said, leaning back as he sipped his wine. “That’s where I want to take her next.”

“Ah, going to take her to see the Rock?” Carla asked. “It’s quite the sight.”

“I am,” Jesse told her. “In fact, you could call it the reason we even came to Spain. There’s a little problem, though.”

“Oh?” Carla asked. “Nothing to spoil your holiday, I hope.”

Jesse put the fingers of his flesh hand to his mouth and then put it back on the table, like a man fighting the urge to bite his nails. “I hope not either. See, I want to cross the border, but I don’t have all her papers - her mother, you know how she is. But I really want her to be able to see the sights. Are the guards there understanding?” Meaning, of course, could they be bribed.

Carla shifted in her chair and leaned in on one elbow. “Most of them are family men and women, not career military the way it was a few years ago,” she said, meaning mob. “They should be able to work something out with you - they understand how it is for men in your position. After all, it’s not like there’s anything really dangerous she could get into these days.”

“That’s true,” Jesse agreed. “And I’ll keep a close eye on her, of course.” Meaning that he’d make sure Peacekeeper didn’t cause any trouble that brought too much attention to their operations.

Carla nodded. “I might just know a young man down there who could help you,” she said. “I’ll send him a message once I see you both get on the bus, and he’ll look out for you both.”

“I appreciate it,” Jesse told her, with an expression of relief. Carla’s reputation would make it a lot easier to get past the border guards while he was carrying. “How much did she cost you? I know how my girl can eat.”

“No, no,” Carla said, waving her hands in a way that was all show. “She was a pleasure. It wasn’t any trouble.”

“I insist,” Jesse said firmly. “Let me pay for the train tickets, at least. You couldn’t have been expecting Madrid to be so busy.”

“Well, that’s true,” Carla said. “But I’d watch your girl for you any time, you know that.”

“I do,” Jesse agreed. “Now, c’mon, tell me how much the tickets were, and I’ll pay you back.”

Carla named a sum with a show of reluctance, and Jesse added it to the already agreed-upon price before transferring it to her account. If she’d had to leave Madrid in such a hurry, it was probably because the law was getting too close for comfort, and Jesse was sure she’d had to bribe her way out. It was just good business to pay her back for that, and he’d been trusting Carla with Peacekeeper for a long time. His burner phone beeped, and after a moment, so did hers. She nodded, satisfied, and pushed away from the table.

“Come, let’s go get your girl,” she said. “I’m sure you missed her. She’s waiting at the bus station.”

Carla had been as good as her word. Even with Peacekeeper sewn into the lining of a laptop bag, Jesse hadn’t had any trouble getting past the border into Gibraltar, and even if she wasn’t at his hip, he felt better holding her steadying weight. He’d transferred all his belongings into a hiking backpack when he’d gotten there, and only as he started up the Rock did he send the signal from the communicator that would tell Athena and Winston he was on his way - and exactly how close he was. There were plenty of hidden protections that he was sure were still active on the base, and he’d need the signal to get in.

It only took a few moments to connect, and Winston’s voice was cautious as he answered. “McCree?”

“In the flesh,” Jesse answered. “Know I didn’t call ahead, but I was hopin’ my invitation still stood.”

[revasserium]

hinata + 26

haikyuu requests currently: closed 

although, if you have a hinata-request. send it in bc. chances are i’ll write it because i am #biased 

26. the length of daylighthinata ; 2,651 words 

a/n: i know i never post authors notes usually, but wow uh – i really liked writing this? and i think this might be one of the best things I’ve written on this blog to date. idk man. i just. really really liked this. u__u pls give hinata some love he deserves the world. 

five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes – you hadn’t seen him in so long. it’d been three years – three times five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes – that’s way too many minutes, and yet here he is, standing on your doorstep with a smile that you’d be crazy not to remember. 

you stare at him, and wonder where to even begin – he’s taller, that’s for sure, and tanner, so much tanner – well obviously, brazil is a sunny place. 

“hey.” 

you open your mouth to speak, but no words come out. instead, you just stand and gape at him like he’d somehow stolen your voice from your chest (like ursula the sea-witch, and you don’t know how, after so long, he still seems to hold this kind of magic over you – can you call it a curse if you’ve missed it? the way it shifts the very fabric of your reality until you’re living in his). 

he scuffs his feet against the welcome mat and you can breathe again; he glances down at his shoes, scratching at the back of his head. 

“you’re… taller.” 

he laughs. the self-same open, melodious, uproarious thing you remember from three years before; he still laughs with his entire body, lets it shake him from core to shoulders, his eyes squinting shut. when he calms down enough to look back at you, there’s a pleased flush high in his cheeks. 

“yeah, guess so.” 

when you step aside to let him in, he grins wide enough to split his face, leaping over the half-step into your apartment, immediately crowding into your space till you’re pressed almost chest to chest. 

“oh-ho~!” he holds a hand up from the top of his head and moves it slowly over yours, “you’re right! i did get taller! maybe i even grew a little since i got back!” 

you lick your lips and try to swallow your heart back down your throat from where it’s beating against your voicebox. close, close, way too close. 

he smells nice, you realize – no, remember. but it’s different than before. he no longer smells of citrus shampoo and the slight dampness of sweat; now he smells vaguely of salt and suntan lotion. you allow yourself a grin as you look up, your eyes searching his face for the traces of him you still remember, are trying to hold onto. they’re still there – the light his eyes, the ease of his smile. 

freckles… that wasn’t there before. 

you stand there for a moment, chests almost pressed in your doorway, him now tall enough to tower (just a bit) over you, before he realizes and jumps back, almost stumbling over his own feet as his back meets the opposite wall, stuttering out something like an apology. 

at least that hasn’t changed. 

“s-sorry! i didn’t mean to – i mean – was that too close – it totally was – i just got so excited to see you again – it was like – mmm – that woooshhh feeling in my chest like – you know? i won’t do it again! i mean – not unless you want me to –” 

“shouyou.” 

he cuts clean off at the sound of his name on your lips. it’s different too, than what he remembers. he swallows, unsure of what’ll happen next. but you smile, leaning towards him (he notices that your hair is longer, way longer than when he left – right, three years is a really long time – he likes it longer; he wonders if it still smells just as nice as it did before; it probably does) with a spark in your eyes and he knows he’s gone. 

three years across the world, and you’d think it would’ve stamped out this childish crush of his, one that he has no idea you harbored for him as well (your friends all wonder when on earth the pair of you will realize). it hasn’t. if anything, distance really does make the heart grow fonder, and shit – you’re saying something and all he can focus on is the way your lips still look way too soft – and is that lipgloss you’re wearing? you didn’t used to do that before. 

“… not listening, are you?” 

“huh? ah – i – uh – no… sorry i zoned out –” 

he flashes you a sheepish grin, scratching at the back of his head as he pushes himself back up from where he’d fallen against the wall. you huff and flicking a strand of hair over your shoulder. 

“i asked if you wanted coffee or anything. i was about to make some anyway.” 

“sure! yeah! i love coffee – that sounds – that sounds great!” 

he follows you into the living room, looking around at all the things that had changed, but noticing all the things that stayed the same. you still had your graduation picture hung up, right next to the picture of the team. you had short hair then – he liked short hair on you too. hell, he figures, letting his eyes wander across the walls of your living room, he’d probably still like you bald. the thought almost makes him laugh; he shakes his head. nah, he likes you better with hair for sure. 

“milk? sugar?” 

“hm? yeah – uh – whatever you think is good.” 

you quirk an eyebrow and he realizes belatedly that he must’ve said something wrong. 

“uh… milk… and sugar, both – please!” he grins, settling into a chair at the table, “thank you!” 

so you make coffee, he tells you about brazil, about the stretches of beaches that never seem to end, about the skies so blue it hurts to look too hard, about the way there’s always something that smells delicious in the air, always chatter and music in the streets. you tell him about how you’ve been, how college is great because you could finally drop math classes, but how it’s also kind of a nightmare because morning lectures are the freaking worst. 

you tell him about the upperclassman who really liked you, and kept on asking you out till he graduated. 

“i never said yes, though,” you say, nursing your cooling coffee mug. 

hinata quirks his head, “why not? wasn’t he –” he waves a hand through the air, before saying rather dumbly, “nice?” 

you smile, “yeah, he was nice. but… he wasn’t really my type.” 

hinata licks his lips, “you… have a type now?” 

you roll your eyes, “i’ve always had a type.” and you don’t have to look up to hear the pout in his voice. 

“i never knew about it.” 

you toss a bit of crumpled napkin at him across the table, “you never asked.” 

“oh.” and then after a second, “so… what is your type?” 

you hum, tapping your lips in mock contemplation. a single glance tells you that he’s watching you, and the realization shouldn’t make your stomach twist the way it does, but – it does. he’s watching you with those eyes of his, almost completely devoid of light, like tiny black holes, depthless, with enough gravity to swallow the entire world whole – to swallow you whole. 

“someone tall,” he visibly deflates, “but not too tall,” you continue, and he brightens up again, almost immediately. you grin, leaning back in your chair, your eyes flickering over him, “someone who’s really good at one thing –” you cast about, “like an instrument,” he crinkles his nose to disguise a huff, “or a sport,” he grins to himself, nodding as if checking off mental boxes, you wonder how long you can drag this out for before he realizes you’re not talking so much about a type of person so much as one single person. 

“they should be really driven, and passionate about what they do, y’know?” you watch as he nods enthusiastically, hanging onto your every word. you grin. 

“and… hm, i like guys who speak more than one language. that’s a nice skill.” 

“yeah! uh-huh!” 

“and… hm… someone who’s good at making friends, that’s important too.” 

you watch as hintata considers this, mumbling to himself – i guess i’m not bad at that – i make friends alright – yeah. 

you prop your chin on the heel of your hand. 

“someone who plays volleyball,” you say, wondering if it’s about time to start giving proper hints. 

“uwah! yeah! cause i mean – you like volleyball, so it’d be nice, right?” 

you laugh, nodding along, “yeah – and y’know, and i kinda have a thing for gingers.” 

“yeah, yeah! it’s a nice hair colo –” he stops dead in his tracks as realization dawns over his face and his pleased smile morphs into an expression of sheer disbelief. 

you heave a loud sigh, pushing yourself up from the table, “yeah, if only a guy like that existed.” 

hintata opens his mouth, shooting to his feet, but even as he opens his mouth to say i do! i’m right here! another realization blooms in his chest. 

i’ve always had a type. 

oh. oh. 

he blinks at you from across the table, his own prolonged ignorance finally cracking over his shoulders – all those years – all of highschool. all these years too. 

“shit.” 

he collapses back into the chair, a helpless laugh on his lips as he cards a hand through his hair, mussing it up as he stares into the dregs of his now-cold coffee. 

“did you want another cup?” you ask casually from the sink, where you're rinsing out your own mug. once upon a time, you might’ve been angry, or upset, or any manner of things. but you’d realized somewhere along the way that loving hinata shouyou was never going to be a linear thing. and maybe it’ll take him a while to realize, but being best friends with him has taught you more than anything all the ways he says i love you – and it was a bit easier after that. 

“i – crap,” he chews on his lips, fumbling for words to say. 

you smile, “bathrooms down the hall to the right still. that hasn’t changed.” 

you turn just in time to see him flush to the roots of his hair, “that’s not what i meant.” 

“then…?” you lean back against the counter, watching as he struggles with his own tangle of emotions till he looks up again, his face a mask of determination. 

“go out with me.” 

you raise your eyebrows, a small smile playing at your lips, “sure, to where?” 

hinata groans, shaking his head, “i mean like – not outside – out like – like –” his cheeks are almost red enough to match his hair, “like – out!” 

you laugh, your entire body shaking with the sound, and it’s this more than anything that seems to ground hinata enough for him to stop stuttering. 

“properly – i mean. be – be my girlfriend.” 

you nod, biting down the swell of elation cresting in your chest, “okay.” 

“oh – okay?” he blinks. 

“yeah,” you say, “okay.” 

“oh – okay! yay! ah – this is great! waaaahhhh!” he leaps out of the chair, both hands raised over his head. it takes him all of three seconds to bound across the living room to the sink, both his hands raised as if asking for a high-ten. you laugh, raising your own hands. 

how entirely hinata-like – to high-five someone after asking them out. 

he claps his hands against yours, laughing, but his laughter fades as you don’t pull away, instead slipping your fingers between his. his eyes widen at the sensation of your pressed palms, and he almost hiccups at how his entire body shivers. 

and suddenly, he’s tugging you towards him, as if on raw instinct, as if all he wants is to be closer, just a bit closer, and you find yourself stumbling into his chest, gasping but never doubting that he’d catch you. so he does, his hands finding purchase around your waist, your hands against his chest – so solid from years and years of relentless workouts and practice. 

“uh – uhm – i uh –” he swallows, glancing from your eyes to your mouth, his mind seemingly short-circuiting somewhere between the two. 

“shouyou,” you say, leaning up onto your tip-toes (you remember when the pair of you used to be only two inches apart). 

he nods once. 

“kiss me.” 

he nods again, before leaning in, and the first kiss a little strange – the both of you still not quite sure of where your own lips are supposed to go, what the whole situation with the teeth is supposed to be like (credit where credit is due, both of you have watched enough romance – and the occasional porno – to know how it’s supposed to look but given everything that’s happened, practical application is still a bit rusty). the second kiss is better, and you can feel hinata’s confidence surge when he presses in closer, tilting his head to slot your lips better, the friction between you making you gasp. 

the third kiss, he’s already caught onto the rhythm. 

the fourth, you wonder if it’s quite fair for someone to be such a fast learner, your fingers fisting in the front of his shirt, all awkward, fumbling newness gone from his movements as he pushes you back against the counter, his hands coming up to cup your cheeks, thumb running along your jaw to tilt your head the way he likes. 

the fifth, you stop counting. you don’t have the capacity to anymore. 

after what feels like an eternity of kissing (and who knows, it might’ve been – maybe outside, years have already passed by, or maybe it was just a few, breath-stealing seconds), he pulls back, the both of you panting, eyes a little glazed over, lips slick and kiss-swollen. 

he grins, a wide, satisfied kind of thing, and you can almost imagine him purring in his chest. 

“hey.” 

you laugh, quirking your head as you watch him preen under this new truth – the two of you being together – finally, finally. 

“you really have gotten taller.” 

you push up to give him another peck. he whines in the back of his throat, leaning down to try and follow your lips but you twist your head so his mouth lands somewhere on your cheek, and he decides that that’s alright too. he gives you a loud, smacking kiss, grinning into your skin. 

you glance at the clock. 

“well. now that we’re going out-out. properly,” you tease, “do you wanna order in takeout for dinner?” 

hinata laughs, the sound perfect and warm, rumbling through his chest, resonating into yours. 

“yeah – you know i worked as a delivery boy in brazil?” 

you nod, “yeah, i remember – you texted me pictures of your bike, remember?” 

“oh! oh yeah,” he grins cheekily as you try to wriggle out of his grasp to reach your phone. he holds on tighter. you sigh, reaching into his back pocket for his phone and swiping it open only to find a picture of yourself smiling back at you from his lockscreen. 

“hey!” 

he tries to grab the phone from you, but you duck out of his grasp. 

“i’m just trying to seamless!” you laugh, dancing out of his reach as he tries half-heartedly to retrieve his phone. when finally, the both of you are laughing and collapsed on the couch, he hooks his chin over your shoulder. 

“next time, i’ll take you on a real date.” 

you smile, “sure. we can go to one of those fancy restaurants.” 

“uh-huh,” he nods, determined to meet your expectations. 

“and we can order all the most expensive things on the menu,” you tease, grinning wide. 

hinata sucks in a breath and you can almost feel him steeling himself not to deny you. 

“yeah – that’s fine – well, maybe we should look up the menu first, so we can see what we like.” 

you nod, “sounds like a plan.” 

“it’s a date.” 

you smile, letting your head fall back onto his shoulder. 

“yep, it sure will be.” 

[zankivich]

The Arrangement: CEO’s Son/Dom!Shawn x Black Sub Reader Chapter 14

a/n: i told you I wasn’t good at angst. 2-3 more chapters and then we out this bitch tbh. Hope you’re enjoying the final words. If there were ever a time to tell me you fuck with the fic this would probably be it tbh. I’m almost done. K bye. Also if you wouldn’t mind supporting at ko-fi that would be really dope. The kid is broke and has to go to grad school somehow. 

*Shawn’s point of view*

He can’t sleep without her. Can’t eat or make music or workout. It all hurts. It hurts more than he could ever possibly imagine. And he couldn’t get the sound of her voice breaking when she told him it was over out of his head. She loved him. And he loved her. But it wasn’t enough. Losing her is like losing everything that ever mattered to him. It situates her differently in his mind. He thought that she was everything to him, but it wasn’t until he had to go without her that he actually knew what it meant and what it felt like. It was like she controlled his heart beat, his lungs, even his mind. Without her there to keep him going, it all feels pointless. And so he cries a lot more than he had in years, and he reminds himself that she had been the one to tell him to get over himself and get in touch with his emotions. She had showed him it wasn’t bad to feel, and yet she never could have prepared him for this.

He tortures himself with it too. He replays the words, remembers the exact cadence of her voice so soft and muted and full of hurt. It’s over. It doesn’t matter. Goodbye. He never in a million years could have seen this one coming. All that’s left is for it to kill him slowly by the hour, when he reflects on what it means to lose her. To be without her was like not existing at all, but with a shit ton more pain.

He’s lying in bed on another guilt trip when his bedroom door opens. It’s Tiffany this time instead of his dad. It’s probably for the best. Given his current state, he surely would have lunged.

“Shawn,” She hummed softly. “It’s time to get out of bed.”

He cuddled her pillow a little closer to his chest and found that it didn’t smell like her anymore. And he had this moment where he wondered if this was the beginning of the end. Would he start to lose the parts of her that meant the most to him, that had become so salient? Would it be like she was never here at all? His chest tightened considerably and his eyes watered.

“No.” He mumbled.

“Look I--I’m not quite sure what’s going on here, or why your father has suddenly had a change in heart but...I’m here to take you to your contract signing, Shawn. This is literally everything that you’ve dreamed up for your entire life. Everything changes today, if you just get out of bed.”

The only thing he can think of is the last night he stayed over at her place. He played her a song he wrote about her. He kept messing it up because he didn’t wanna look away from her, but his fingers hadn’t quite memorized the chords yet. Everytime he messed up, he would just smile at her and eventually she asked him what he was doing. He told her:

I can’t help but look at you when we’re in a room together. I wanna always be looking at you, honey.

“I’m not signing, Tiff.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Tell dad I’m not signing and on top of that I quit.”

“Shawn. Now look I understand you’re upset but you need to be very strategic about what your next move is, here! You know what your father is capable of.”

His eyes drifted over to his nightstand where the watch that she bought him for christmas still sat. He’d never been clearer about anything in his whole life.

“Look I’m sorry he made you drive all the way over here, but my stance is final. Fuck his money, fuck his power, and fuck him. I want out.” He whispered tears threatening to choke him again.

He closes his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He can’t take it anymore.

“He’s already taken everything that matters. He can’t hurt me anymore.”

He rolled over away from her, glaring angrily at the wall until the sound of his apartment door closing rang in his ears. He goes back to counting the minutes without her. It isn’t enough to keep him preoccupied from the longing.

***

*y/n’s point of view*

It doesn’t feel the same. None of it. Your sheets are too rough. The shower is too cold. The eggs you make in the morning don’t taste the same. It’s lonely. Like devastatingly lonely. His curls don’t tickle your neck with morning kisses. You can’t hear him play guitar on the couch while you shower. His cologne doesn’t dominate your bedroom. It’s like he’s not there, and it’s like maybe he never was.

It is...so incredibly painful at first. You can’t even breathe without sobbing. But the worst part is that even when the tears dry, he’s still not there. And all you’re left with is a world that feels a little duller. Perhaps that’s the worst part. It’s not a catastrophe. No one’s died. No one’s in harm’s way. So the world keeps turning and everyone keeps living while inside you’re breaking down. Despite your world being absolutely rocked in every sense of the word, everyone else continued on as if nothing had ever happened.

You’ve got nothing that matters before you anymore. It’s not until you wake up one morning and you skip a flight to meet with Normani in Brazil that you realize the most painful thing of all. He had meant more to you than anything else, even your career, even the power, and the work. The day you’d rather lie at home missing him than working, is the day that you know you lost the most important thing in your whole entire world. And worse than that, you’d had the audacity to give him up for free. To a white man nonetheless. Your ancestors were surely singing negro spirituals from the skies.

The worst part is the waiting, because you weren’t quite sure what you were waiting for. Would they start with a single? Or perhaps a photoshoot? An interview on one of the Jimmys. You knew what you would’ve done, but Manny had a completely different style when it came to management and roll out. If Shawn was signed, he was going to take the media by storm without a doubt. The girls would certainly love him. Hell so would the gays and the non-binary folks too. He was so cute and fluffy. Your cute and fluffy! But not anymore. Somehow you had walked into your office ready to fight the whole world if it meant the two of you got to stay together. Not so much.

The fact that Tiana manages to get into your apartment must mean things are bad. She had a key to your apartment the way an assistant that makes your life run should. However you had an unspoken rule between the two of you that she shouldn’t enter your space without you knowing. Everyone knew how important your space was to you, how much being home needed to exist outside of work. For her to enter unannounced probably meant she thought you were dead. If only it were that simple.

The door slid open interrupting the mood of playing a playlist that Shawn had made for you back in a time where there hadn’t been a world of space between the two of you.

“Oh sis…” Tiana whimpered. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

You rolled your eyes into your pillow. “Well get a good look. It’s probably my permanent state.”

“Is this...is this a playlist he made you? Baby that is some middle school shit. We have to snap you out of it.”

Tiana slipped off her shoes and crawled into bed with you. You almost mounted a fight, afraid that she might take away the last of the smell of him. But then you remember that smell had left long ago. So, you fall a little more pathetically into her arms.

“I don’t wanna snap out of it, Ti. I don’t wanna lose what little I have left.” You whispered.

“What does that mean?”

“It means I deserve to mourn him.”

She snorted. “Y/n, he didn’t die.”

“No, that’s not...I mean I get to mourn what we were. It was--it was the best thing I ever had. And I lost it. I had to give it up so that he could be everything he’s ever wanted, and that means something. I get to hold onto it okay? Don’t take that away from me too. I already lost him, don’t make me lose him all over again.”

You could hear the lack of life in your voice in your own ears. And if the look of worry on her face is anything to go off, it must not be good. But it hurts too much for you to care.

“Okay. Okay, we can be alright with that.”

You nodded and snuggled a little deeper into her arms. She held for a while in silence. And it didn’t necessarily make you feel better, but it was nice to not have to shoulder the weight alone for a little while. If only for a little while.

***

You’re back at work the first time he reaches out. Work is still work and it still matters and you still love it. It’s just that you don’t get to take lunch breaks with him anymore. You don’t get the random phone calls to get you through the afternoon, or the dinner plans to look forward to at the end of the day. And it’s not the prospect of being with someone. It’s not being lonely versus being with someone. It’s him. You miss him. His laugh. That damn chest hair when he shows more cleavage than you did. The gravelly sound of his voice in the morning. And the way that he’d rather hold you in bed for hours than do anything else. You had never been loved so vastly and so wholesomely in your life. And here you were just trying to get by without it.

Your phone goes off while you’re in a branding meeting for fragrances. The only reason you paid any attention to it at all was because...it was a branding meeting for fragrances. Honeslty, who the fuck cares? When your eyes trail down to the notification in your lap and see his name you jump. It’s completely erratic, and you couldn’t explain it if you tried. Your heart rate spikes and your stomach is just as fluttery as ever. If there had ever been even the inkling that you could get over this fool, that quickly went straight out the window along with apparently any impulse that might stop you from opening it.

Shawn: Hi.

Shawn: idk if there’s like a rule somewhere that tells me how many days I’m supposed to go before being able to talk to you again. Is there a rule?

You shouldn’t answer. It went against everything that you’d said to yourself when you made the decision to leave. There had to be a clean break, or neither of you would make it out whole. You couldn’t answer him. You couldn’t.

y/n: I don’t think there’s a rule. But it’s probably not a good idea.

Shawn: Yea probably. It’s just that I walked past your favorite coffee shop today, and I went inside and bought you a dirty chai only to walk out and realized I couldn’t bring it to you.

There’s a sharp inhale as you try to breathe through the pain of a memory that might never be forgotten. It’s dumb. It’s coffee. Except for nothing is just anything with him. Coffee isn’t just coffee. It’s mornings waking up to him crawling into bed with you and handing you the cup because it’s the only free time in your schedule for the day. It’s shared bagels and fruit and kissing each other on the way out the door to go your separate ways. It’s adventures on the saturday mornings to find a coffee shop you haven’t been to before. It’s a whole slice of your life together that just doesn’t exist anymore.

Shawn: And then I spent the next two and a half hours of my life writing a song about how pissed I was at dirty chai. And instead of being mad at myself for wasting my life away I thought I could just talk to you instead.

You laughed, as he no doubt expected, and had to apologize to all the professional business people for not being professional at all. But hey, it was funny. And it was the first time you got to laugh since he left. Or you sent him away.

y/n: you’re gonna get me in trouble. I’m in a meeting, I can’t laugh.

Shawn: fuck them. I miss you. I just wanted you to know that. I miss you so much.

y/n: I miss you too. More than you can even imagine.

You end up in the bathroom in the middle of the day crying your eyes out. You don’t text each other again.

*Shawn’s point of view*

He gets called into his dad’s office more times than he can count. And first he says fuck it. Fuck him. Fuck his money. Fuck everything. But then his card gets declined at the gas station, and he figures it was time for daddy to finally pull the strings. The least he could do was go meet the prick physically to watch him do it.

He shows up in skinny jeans and an old gym t-shirt just to piss the guy off. His dad had never liked him in anything less than a hand tailored suit, and the thought of pissing him off one final time was too good to pass up.

Tiffany is waiting for him just like always when he gets there only this time she’s a little less than her perfectly controlled self. Her fingers twitch at her sides as she walks him back toward his father’s office, her face anxious and stressed.

“Tiff,” He attempted a weak version of a smile. “How are you?”

She shrugged. “I haven’t been this stressed at this job since your father told P Diddy to go fuck himself with a twenty-five thousand dollar bottle of scotch in his hand.”

“Yea? Well I’ll be out of your hair shortly and then things should go back to normal.”

“Shawn he...he’s pulling out all the stops. He has zero intentions of letting you leave.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Huh? He really thinks he can convince me to stay?”

“Yea he does. Please just...don’t give him a heart attack okay?” She asked as they stopped at the door.

He snorted and pulled harshly at the door without knocking.

“No promises, Tiff.”

In his office, his father is still just as pristine as always. He’s wearing a suit and standing at the ceiling to floor length windows of his office, hands in his pockets looking out like he’s contemplating the world. What a douche. It’s gross.

“You wanted to see me?” He sighed already over this conversation.

His dad turned to him and smiled for the first time since he was probably an infant.

“My boy! Why don’t you have a seat? Can I get you anything? Water, that kombucha shit you kids are into nowadays?”

“No, dad. I’m not interested. Why don’t you explain to me what part of my resignation wasn’t concrete enough. Tell me how I can make it clearer for you.”

His dad snorted. “Well of course you can’t quit.”

“...No I--I very much can. And I did dad. I no longer work for you. You don’t own me anymore.”

“Oh for christ’s sake, Shawn! You’re always trying to make me out to be some horrible villain.” He rolled his eyes taking a seat at his desk. “It’s very unoriginal.”

His eyes widened. “That’s only because you’re like the most evil bastard I’ve ever met in my entire life! You make darth vader look like a fucking kitten in comparison.”

His dad merely sniffed and looked at him as if to ask, “Are you done?”

And then he asked, “Are you done? Will you sit down now so I can tell you how I’m going to fix it?”

“This oughta be rich.”

He plopped down in the chair in front of his desk and leaned his chin on his hand in boredom.

“Now...I am going to get you set up in a studio next week. It’s already confirmed. Any producer you want, any collaboration you want, I’ve got it all handled.” He explained pushing a folder across the desk. “Open it. It’s the complete total package. I will have you at the top of the charts in less than a month. With your voice and your lyrics, and my power, you’ll be a force to be reckoned with.”

He stared down at the folder with zero inclination of picking it up. The story was tired. He didn’t need to be at the top of the charts. All he’d ever asked for was to be treated like a decent human being. His dad has never been able to give him that. And as much as he loved music, if it meant giving up y/n the dream wasn’t even the same without her. Everything that he wanted in life had drastically shifted. There was a hole in his life now and he knew that money and music and material shit wasn’t going to fill it. So what was the point?

“What about Khalid? Can you get me Khalid?” He asked.

His dad’s face quickly began to redden.

“What about Normani? Can I collab with her?” He continued. “Oh or what about Ariana? She’s fucking huge isn’t she?”

His dad bit his lip and took a deep breath to contain himself. This was usually the moment when he started throwing things.

“Be reasonable, Shawn.” Manny hissed.

“Me be reasonable? You convince my girlfriend to break up with me and you want me to be reasonable?! Fuck you!”

His blood boiled. His skin felt hot and his heart hammered in his chest. He wiped his hands over his face just to stop himself from spitting. He hated him. He really, really fucking hated him in a way he hadn’t thought possible. His dad had always prioritized his own self interest over everything else, but never had he ever been so vindictive to him. Never had he so viciously snatched away happiness from him.

y/n loved him. She loved him more than maybe anyone had been loved before, at least that’s the way she made him feel. He used to think that losing music was the most painful thing he’d ever experienced in his whole life. But to lose her? Her? It destroyed him. Endlessly.

“You’ve got to get the fuck over her!” His dad roared hopping out of his seat. “You’ve heard the saying, don’t shit where you eat? Well I’m here to tell you you don’t fuck where you eat neither kid,’specially not someone who could be the help! Now I hand you your fucking life’s work on a silver platter and you think you can talk down to me? Cuss at me? You little shit, I made you!”

“Did you...Was that a racist comment against her?” His voice trailed off.

His father huffed. “Oh don’t be such a snowflake Shawn, I raised you better.”

“Did you just compare the greatest thing that ever happened to me to the help?!”

“You gonna pick that bitch over your own family?! I don’t know what kind of spell she has over you, but it ends. Now! I am your meal ticket in this industry and in this world. You fuck with me and it’s over do you hear that? Your apartment. Your cars. Those fucking jeans on your waist. You are mine. Now you can either get with the fucking picture and grow the fuck up from your fairytale bullshit, or I can make a call and you’ll be out on your ass. Do I make myself clear?”

It’s amazing how one person in your life can put it all into perspective, how she could completely shake his whole entire world. It wasn’t a matter of choosing. It wasn’t his dad or y/n. It was choosing himself and his own happiness and his own freedom. Every day spent working for his dad was a day not living a life for him, but a day spent directly towards his dad’s own self-interest. It just so happens that nothing in the world could make it easier than hearing the way that he talks about her.

He gets out of his seat and bites so hard at his lip that blood hits his tongue. But it’s the only thing that’s gonna keep him from knocking the shit out of him, so it’s worth it.

“You��re not worth a damn, you know that?”

His dad blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t excuse shit. I’d rather never sing a single fucking note than give you anything ever again. That woman has more heart and more talent and more balls than either of us combined. You think you’re some tough guy because of your money? Look around dad, no one gives a fuck! At the end of the day you’re gonna die alone and miserable, and if I keep following your lead, I will too. I’m done. Get it? Fucking done.”

He shoved his chair out of the way and headed straight for the door, his dad’s yells and screams finally rolling off his back without care.

“You walk out of this room and you’re finished!”

He paused and turned back to his dad, fingers gripping tightly at the door handle.

“Just so we’re on the same page? You ever talk about her again like that and I won’t hesitate to beat the shit out of you. I hope we’re clear on that. Good bye.”

And that was the end of that.

***

She’s sitting on the edge of his countertop in the middle of his kitchen. It’s where she often would sit when he tried to cook meals for her, and vehemently failed. She’s in a big soft pink sweater that just lights up her skin in ways he couldn’t believe. She’s beautiful. She smiles at him and parts her legs for him to walk between; he does so willingly. The skin of her ankle traps him against the countertop pressed perfectly against her. He smiles.

“You don’t have to try to trap me. I’m already here.” He tells her.

“Good. Don’t go anywhere okay?”

He trails his fingers up her calves and presses closer to kiss her lips.

“Never. I’m here. Always.”

“Mmm. Me too.” She paused to kiss him again. “Always.”

He wakes up like being underwater for a really long time and finally coming to the surface. It’s disorienting to go from seeing her any minute of the day that he could, to only getting to be with her in his dreams. It sucks how bad it hurts. It sucks that he’d rather be asleep than awake, and how much he wishes he didn’t have to feel the pain of surfacing when the image of her is gone again. It just all sucks.

***

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like utter shit mate.” Niall grimaced.

He rolled his eyes and tugged at his hair in frustration. There wasn’t much he could afford to do was there? He was just sort of lost in it all.

“Is that why you invited me to lunch? To make fun of me? Cause I can happily go back to my bed.”

“Alright, alright, calm yourself Mendes. I invited you out here on account of two things. One, Ronnie told me he hooked you up with someone at Atlantic and you never called the guy. Now I’m sitting here thinking surely my Shawnie Boy isn’t a fucking idiot, is he? So that can’t be. And then two! I show up to listen to the final mastering of the album only for some pompous bloke to tell me you quit your job!” He exclaimed. “Now what the hell is going on?”

Niall leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms before staring him down in defiance. The funniest part was that Niall had the kindest, sweetest face in the world. Even though he was trying his hardest to seem angry and intimidating, he just seem really worried and flustered. Maybe it wasn’t funny. Maybe it was sad. Sad. Everything was sad.

He goes to tell his friend about the hell his life has become when two people walk up to their table. It’s a little girl no older than ten or eleven, with an older teenage guy with his hand on her shoulder. He’s probably sixteen or seventeen based off the acne and the look of utter boredom at the world. The little girl is hiding her face behind what looks to be a physical copy of Niall’s album. He hadn’t seen a real CD in years. Must be a hardcore fan.

“Go ahead. Ask him.” The guy asked in a tone just as bored as his demeanor.

She looks up at him with eyes so wide and sparkly that even teenage angst couldn’t defend against it. He sighed and pulled her closer against him.

“Look man she’s a really big fan of yours. Honestly. Like won’t listen to anything else besides you. Will you please do us all a favor and sign her CD?”

Niall turned to two of them and snorted happily. As far as fan encounters go, it’s probably one of the best ones you can get. He held his hand out politely and the little girl plopped the CD into his waiting hand before quickly covering her mouth with her hands. She remained silent.

“Well hello there. I’m Niall by the way. What’s your name darling?” He asked.

A squeal was just barely masked by her hands and Shawn could seen the teenage boy roll his eyes in a certain level of familiarity. Niall smiled at her and the squealing continued.

“Her name is Jenny.” Teenage boy answered on her behalf.

“Jenny. That’s a great name. Jenny I would love to sign this and take a picture for you if I could, but I need to hear your voice first. Can you talk to me please?”

Shawn watches the way they interact. Watches the selfie taking and the signing and the hug. The way she opens up to him and tells him how much she means to him. It reminds him a lot of listening to music at that age. Whether it was Ed Sheeran or John Mayer, music can often times feel like the only thing in the world that makes sense. And it made him feel whole and it made him feel loved and cared for, when no one could convince him of those facts. He had needed music for so much of his life, and it had given him a great deal of self-importance. In that moment he felt more connected to a ten year old girl than to anyone in the world. And it set his mind on a path that it hadn’t been in a very long time. A place he thought would never be an option again.

“You two have a nice day!” Niall smiled at the duo ran off.

Shawn was already tripping out of his chair and reaching into his wallet to pay for the meal they hadn’t eaten yet.

“Get up, let’s go.” He told Niall.

“Oiy! What the hell’s going on?”

“Dude, let’s go!!!”

***

Why can’t I quit when you break my heart open?

I need you more than I know

***

I know a girl, she's like a curse

We want each other, no one will break first

So many nights, trying to find someone new

They don't mean nothing compared to you

***

“That sounded incredible!” Niall called through the speaker.

Shawn shook his head and readjusted his headphones.

“Again, please? I wanna try it one more time.”

***

“Mate, I got someone I want you to meet!” Niall grinned. “Teddy this is Shawn. Shawn this is Teddy.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Teddy, aye?”

She grinned. “That simply is not the craziest thing about me in the slightest. I sure hope you can get over it.”

He shrugged. “Crazy? I can get down with crazy.”

“Oooo. This should be fun.”

***

“I don’t know, it’s like...maybe, maybe one day I could get to a place where it was worth trying again. I know realistically that’s a thing. But I can’t even imagine it. I can’t imagine anything that isn’t her.”

He takes another pull of the blunt she rolled for him and let’s his back hit against the bottom of the couch.

She nodded. “Great so write that. Write what it would be like if you found somebody new. We get the longing, we get the angsty I miss you shit. Write what it would be if you actually tried it though.”

He nods up at the ceiling, arms behind his head as the words start to formulate.

“Like . . . like loving her isn’t something I would ever be able do because it’s not--it’s not you. Because I had you, I don’t want anyone else.”

“Yes. That. Now write it, lover boy.” She sasses handing him a guitar.

***

They’re on a break standing outside the studio while Niall and one of the producers smoke. He hasn’t seen the sun in who knows how long. He’s been living in the studio, Niall putting up every dime for him to record. Every person that he works with, every hour that he spends making this thing is largely because of him. And he’ll never forget it. Somehow what means more to him than any of it is just how good of a friend he is.

“Why don’t you just call her mate?” He asked.

He was leaning against the side of the building peering up at the night sky. He still missed her so badly it hurt to think about. And all he’s been doing every day is thinking about it.

“I can’t.” He sighed. “I mean I--I could. I just...I wanna have something to show her. I want her to know that there was another option. If I try and get her back now, it will just look like I gave up my shot for her and she’d never be able to live with herself. I know her. This is...it’s the only way.”

Niall nodded and took another puff.

“And if it doesn’t work? Cause sometimes it doesn’t, ya know?”

“I know. If it doesn’t work than I tried on my own terms. And then it’s no one else’s fault but mine. Not hers’. Not my dad’s. Not yours. I just have to hope she’ll listen to me when my whole heart is on this record.”

“Well shit. It’s a hell of a plan man.”

****

He’s drunk. There’s no way around it. He’s drunk and tired and lonely a maybe a little horny too if he thought about it long enough. Niall, Teddy, and another producer got him hammered when he said he couldn’t write another song if you paid him. They probably meant for it to be inspiring, but really it had just rooted him in his sadness. So, he stumbled home and fell into bed and that was when it hit him.

“Hello?”

“You’re not here.” He mumbled into the dark.

“Shawn? What the hell is going on; it’s three am.”

He kicked his legs out on the bed and whined into his pillow.

“You’re not here! I’m drunk and I’m lonely and I want you to hold me. I want...I want you to tell me that no one gets to love you because they can’t do it like I can. I want you so bad. Why aren’t you here?”

She breathed deeply. Soulfully. It sounded heavy and full and like maybe it hurt for her to breathe the way it still did for him.

“Where are you right now? Are you safe?”

“I’m at my apartment... Y/n, I was getting kind of used to being someone you loved.”

She giggled and he had to roll over and shove his face into the mattress to keep from exploding at the sound. God could she get any cuter?!

“You didn’t write that one, superstar.”

“I wish I had.” He whispered. “Come over. Please? No wait, d--don’t. I’ll come to you. Let me come to you. I’d do that for you.”

“I think that’s a bad idea. You stay right there sir. You fall even more than normal when you’re drunk.”

He bit his lip and held the phone a little tighter against his ear.

“Yea. You used to catch me though. Why’d you let me fall?”

“Because...Because I knew you were gonna get to fly.” She sniffled. “And I didn’t want to be the reason that you never tried.”

He clutched at his chest, eyes closing. “Please don’t cry. I love you so much. Don’t cry.”

“I know. I know you do, and I knew you’d never let me go if I didn’t make you. I had to, Shawn.”

He shook his head, wishing more than anything that she was there so he could shake her and kiss her and flick her on the forehead.

“No. You didn’t. We could have made it work. I would have made anything work with you. You were it, ya know?”

So now she’s crying and he’s crying and her side of the bed is still cold and it doesn’t even smell like her anymore. And he’s just supposed to give up? He’s just supposed to do nothing? With this crazy ass beautiful woman who was the best thing to ever happen to him? Yea, not fucking likely.

***

*y/n’s point of view*

You were trying to reheat this amazing french onion soup your mother had sent you the recipe for. Your stomach growled as you ran the spoon through it as if to say: “bitch we simply must eat more.” Despite Tiana’s begging, you didn’t have the multi-pronged attack from Shawn and her to convince you to eat in the busy work day anymore. The doorbell rings and makes you burn yourself on the hot liquid causing you to curse and run your finger under some cold water. The doorbell rings again. And then a third, fourth, fith, and sixth time in quick succession. By the time you head towards the door whoever was behind it had taken to knocking aggressively as all hell instead.

“There better be somebody dying for you to be knocking on my door like--”

You yanked the door open only for six feet of Canadian headache to literally fall into your apartment and onto the floor. You know...like an idiot?

“Oh my god! Oh my god, what’s happening?!” You exclaimed.

You were sure the son of a bitch had been shot.

“Ran straight from the subway! Elevator too long! Took Stairs. Can’t breathe.” He wheezed.

“You….You ASSHOLE!” You screamed kicking him in the thigh. “I thought you were dying!”

“OW! Goddamn y/n, I thought I was too!”

He fell back against the floor and placed his hand over his heart working steadily to gain his breath.

“Why are you here Shawn!” You screeched. “Besides to give me a heart attack?!”

“Because! I need you to be my manager!”

And that is where you killed him.

Buy me a ko-fi???

Taglist:

Permanent taglist 

@simpledomain @liliane106 @thecurlsofgod @lifeoftheparty74 @xeuphorically-moonstruck @euphoric05 @daijanicole @bruhh-whateven @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @decewill @goldiean @bitchacho25 @bruhh-whateven @justbeingoceana @loveylangdon @iloveshawnieboi  @september-lace @valedictorian65  @dimestorebieber22 @MixerMani @qcoachcartier @justbeingoceana @kamahriii @sinplisticshawn @disaster-rose

Arrangement Taglist: 

@moonlightmendes22  @cottoncandyshawn @shawnsblue

@claredolphinbear24 @peterbrokenparker @blackharry @shawnwyr @speakingofmari @moniehp @softmendesss @ydolansss  @chonmnds @MixerMani @kitykatnumber  @lanallaa @palhacomendes 

[vettelcore]

so what do you think about Mark Webber, Lewis Hamilton and Sebastian Vettel? :D

thank you for asking anon!! those are some good choices lol 

MARK WEBBER: all I can remember from him was from the years that he was teammates with Seb at redbull so you can imagine how much I liked him back then lol

but nah, I think he’s the typical solid midfield driver that can win a few races from now and then (*ehem* val *ehem), a good driver but definitely not championship material imo 

definitely not a good number two driver, but I think that was just for Seb since he had no problem helping Fernando out on Brazil 2012 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

nowadays i think he’s a nice guy, he realised that his rivalry with seb was stupid because the bad ones were always Christian and Helmut, not his teammate, although those were really fun days ngl i would have loved a netflix series to be a thing during those seasons lol

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LEWIS HAMILTON: hands down the best driver in F1 currently (im sorry seb but its the truth lol) he barely makes any mistakes, he’s fast, consistent and idk if anyone here has watched kuroko no basket??? but theres this thing in that anime where the REALLY good players got in the “zone” and they were practically unbeatable??? like out of this fucking world shit. Anyways when Lewis gets in his “zone” I bet he even gets the sparkly eyes with lasers coming out of them like they do in the anime lmfao 

I think the guy gets WAYYY too much shit because of his more personal side, like idk to me he just seems like an easy going person who just wants to be nice, hence the “you guys are the best crowd ever!” meme from a few seasons back lol

lewis has had so much shit thrown at him being the 1st and only black driver in f1, I remember when he was teammates with Fernando, during a GP in Catalonia, some “””fans””” dressed up in blackface, he was constantly called the n word equivalent in spanish by fernando’s fans, and afaik this racism wasnt only from non uk countries, like even in his home country he was still getting racist attacks bc he “wants to be from the hood” and shit like that, only because he likes to do other things outside of f1, it’s honestly insane

like idk i’ve always had a soft spot for lewis, i have never been his fan, but I can appreciate him as both a driver and a person

also my appreciation for him went up when he went vegan, and from a social issues pov, he’s probably one of the most decent guys in the paddock, even though he says a lot of dumb shit sometimes lol

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SEBASTIAN VETTEL: if I say he’s underrated, will anyone kill me?? but let me explain

he won his 1st race and pole on a rainy weekend in monza in a TORO ROSSO, people love to downplay this because “well to be honeeeeest the STR was a really good car in 2008 so it wasn’t that much of an achievement

he became a world champion on his 3rd full season in f1, becoming the youngest WDC in history, on a season where 5 different drivers could have won the title and it went down to the last race, people still love to downplay this bc “well to be honeeeeest only him and fernando could realistically win the championship and the ferrari was a horrible car”

he went on to destroy every other driver in 2011, obviously only thanks to newey

he beat fernando fair and square in 2012, again, obviously only thanks to newey and because the ferrari that season also was a really bad car

once again he went on to destroy every other driver in 2013, “thanks to the car”

4 championships in total, on a row, and beating drivers like Fernando Alonso who many consider even a better driver than Schumi

but no, he never deserved any of them because he won only because of the car, of fucking course

when he moved to ferrari, SO many people think he did it because he was “afraid of Ricciardo” and was only running away, and they all ignore the fact that

1. it was always seb’s dream to emulate what Schumi, his idol, did in Ferrari, his all time favourite team

2. he had a precontract since early in the season and he had been talking to ferrari for Y E A R S  before anything was made official

and now since he moved to Ferrari, he gets shit because “LoL vEtTeL bAd He SpInS”, I could go on a whole different rant over this lol 

Overall, I have NEVER seen a fucking four time world champion get as much shit as he does, be doubted as much as him, and be so fucking underrated as him, it’s fucking insane

like... I was gonna say “you’re only as good as you’re last race”, but I dont think that even applies to Seb because when he has a good race, so many people still say shit like “well duuuh, his team threw his teammate under the bus to let him win”

you dont fucking win 4 world championships if you’re not a fucking good driver, for fucks sake, how is that so difficult to understand??

on his personality, him and romain are the two sweetest and most caring drivers in the paddock lmfao 

hes the king of dad jokes and no one else can beat him at that you can’t change my mind

i also see so many comments on reddit saying that “they used to hate him back in redbull because he was so stuck up and a crybaby, but since he moved to ferrari he’s become such a funny guy” like??? no??? what the fuck???? he’s always been a really good and funny guy? did these people watch any of his interviews or press conferences back in 2010-2014? what??? how the hell do you think he’s the only driver to have had befriended kimi lmfao like just say that your bias against him made you not see how fucking funny he is, it’s fine

at the end of the day, no matter what seb does he is doomed

if he wins, it’s because of the car

if he loses, it’s because he’s a shit driver

if he moves teams, he’s just running away from his teammates

if he breathes, he’s wasting people’s oxygen 

if he doesn’t breath, he’s a dumb idiot because he’s gonna die

also he cares so much about his team and the sport, is super down to earth and will jump to any journalist’s throat if they ask something inappropriate to other drivers or to himself

I just fucking love sebastian so much why am i like this dhldsjhdkjghdfg 

oh my god this post is so long sdhflsdhfsjk 

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Ava

Grace: you okay babes???! Ava: The furthest from without actually being 💀 Grace: Oh my god what even?! aren't you at that uni thing? Ava: For a few more hours yet, give me strength Ava: Last night was Ava: nah Grace: last night was a sorority girl horror 📽🎞 or like ??? Ava: Allegedly a thing but I've yet to see anyone rocking a skinhead without it being a Choice™ Ava: So, everyone else did go to the 📽🎞 last night but I pulled a sickie 'cos Ava: well, that can do one as a concept but also Ava: Are you sure you even want this? It's a whole saga, like 🙄😫 Grace: duh x 10000 Grace: there's nothing anyone can tell me about mean girls 🔪💔 we can skip 📽🎞 when I've IRL lived it Grace: & obvs! talk to me I'm BEYOND concerned Ava: There are no mean girls Ava: and I think the shit I pulled is beyond a Regina level even Grace: UM no way are you casting yourself 👑 thanks! what happened?! Ava: Sorry but you can try and come for the 👑 after I tell you Ava: So they get current pupils to show you around, do the tour, answer questions, do the whole programme with you, right? Ava: Must be good extra credit or whatever, anyway Ava: There's this guy, and the whole time there's this total...vibe, you know? And I'm not delusional or sad like that, its an actual thing but I know him, know of him Ava: so I know why I should just ignore it, but instead when everyone is out, I DM him Grace: excuse you bitch I'm literally reformed but like putting that ASIDE cos this is so much more IMPORTANT!😱😱 Grace: so are we talking a phoneful of regret or IRL walk of shame? Ava: We talked for a while, so I have literal evidence it wasn't just one-sided but truly do not wanna be that girl but like, I swear Ava: anyway, we did go out, properly and it was Ava: so good Ava: but then he had to go and now I have to die Grace: duh it was 😍😍😍 I know what a vibe means Grace: he has a gf yeah? honey we've ALL done it don't even stress he's obvs not that into her Ava: No its Ava: more complex Ava: there's Ava: well, he's married Ava: but he's not as old as that makes him sound but yeah, clearly quite into her Grace: Ew! What's with everyone getting 💍👰 Grace: if Janis gets proposed to I'm kmsing Grace: it doesn't sound that complex though babes, don't let this family fool you, 💔💍 is such a thing™ Ava: Can't see it myself Ava: they are cute though Ava: of course but I'm not out here doing that myself, that's Buster's bread and butter, not mine Ava: they have kids as well, two Grace: 🙄🤢 Grace: totally but we literally NEVER have to tell her or them that shh Grace: well that explains it 🤰👰💍 he probs doesn't even love her Ava: My lips are sealed Ava: One of them is like...6 or something and the other is a baby so there's like no excuse Ava: It didn't come to anything more than a kiss but I'm mortified Grace: 6? How old is he?! Ava: Again, not as old as that makes him sound Ava: 22 ish, in his last year Grace: THANK GOD! I was literally picturing like a hot 40 Ava: Somehow that would be less complicated Ava: Unless he was a friend of my parents or something but not trying to hit every cliche before I even start Uni Grace: UGH! remember when I went to the fair with that lad who turned out to be 19 & everyone lost it like I was being groomed 🙄 Grace: such a drama Grace: this seriously doesn't sound that bad Grace: either he's bored of her or having his 🍰 & 😋 Grace: who stopped it at 😘😘? Ava: Well, he did turn out to be a creep didn't he Ava: but he could've been a 15 year old creep as easily, I see your point Ava: He did Ava: his phone kept going off Ava: it must've been her Grace: yeah & like I totally worked it out for myself from reading the vibe Grace: same as you last night Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: did he answer? did you literally have to sit there 🤐!!! Ava: I think I might've got the vibe seriously wrong Ava: well, no Ava: I don't know Ava: we were in a club, he couldn't Ava: but we left real quick and he hasn't looked at me today so that's been fun Grace: oh girl please Grace: trust, as someone who has gotten the vibe wrong WAY more times than we need to admit outside of this convo, you so didn't Grace: he's having a freakout, we've ALL been there too, yeah? Ava: Clearly Ava: 😂 Ava: Oh God Ava: I just need to pretend this never happened and peace Grace: come over Grace: we'll go out & make some new drama happen Grace: soon as you do, you'll know if he's bothered Ava: Sounds good Ava: If I didn't have two other Unis to hit before Summer officially starts 🙄 Grace: OMG you're so extra Ava: Rude 😂 Ava: Not as if I can go here now, is it? Ava: I'm burning through options, girl Grace: ILY for it 💜 Grace: did you wanna go there for real? Ava: Not hugely Ava: it was in my top 5 but its definitely not 🥇 Grace: 🤷💅 Grace: it was obvs a 🏆💋 so Ava: seriously Ava: though I'm probably gonna find out that he's made time for every girl on this program Grace: did you pick up on any other vibes? Ava: I don't think so Ava: He did say other girls were flirting with him though Grace: 😂 boys always say that Grace: literally will have been hitting refresh waiting on you 💬 Ava: Or, they really were and that was a subtle dig that I just ignored Ava: 🤡🤡 Grace: ugh don't Grace: nobody's looked hotter the morning after babes Grace: he'd be the 🤡 Ava: Minus the HP🗲 scar Ava: idk where that came from, which doesn't bode well for how trashed I must've been Grace: if he was as wasted maybe he doesn't remember & that's why he blanked you cos everything is Grace: 👋 been there Ava: I wish Ava: like I said, we know each other Grace: do you know his 👰? Ava: 😶 Ava: Just kill me now Grace: has he posted anything? Ava: About how much he 💕 his wife and kids? Ava: Fuck knows Grace: well yeah or idk how wasted he was Grace: anything to go on Ava: His 👰 would not approve Grace: if he doesn't have like a private snap he's no 💔 Ava: Wasn't my first question Ava: Probably does but bit late to ask now Grace: you literally could Grace: cringe but no more cringe than running into him playing happy families when you go get coffee Ava: I'm just gonna leave it Ava: Not a moment too soon Grace: 👌👌💜 Ava: When the alcohol leaves my system my head will be less 🤯 Ava: Standard Grace: his too though Grace: maybe he'll come to you Grace: 🤞 yeah or 🤞 no? Ava: I don't know what I want Ava: or feel about any of it Ava: It's better to just assume nah, a pleasant surprise is always better than disappointment Grace: mhmm Ava: Shut up Ava: I'm confused and hungover, I don't know anything 🙄😏 Grace: no shade Ava: I know Ava: This is too extra Ava: even from me, right Grace: you can wear the 👑 until I earn it back Grace: cos duh who's more extra Grace: me, this hoe Ava: 😂 I'm ready for it Grace: you gotta let me have it there's no 😘💖😍 in my 🔮 Ava: Not even a little? Grace: there was a little but it got too much Grace: too close to being like Grace: I can't Grace: I'm out Ava: I don't think it's all it's cracked up to be, honestly Grace: makes me feel like I'm cracking up Grace: no thanks Ava: Preaching to the converted today Grace: 🙌 Ava: I'll definitely come over some point this Summer though Grace: YAY Grace: I so need you Ava: I think me and the 'rents are going the first two weeks, then I'm going with my friends the last two Ava: so sometime in the middle to play with Grace: ugh if only my mum and dad were organised about anything ever Grace: god knows when or where they'll spring a hol 🙄🙄 Ava: All fun and games Ava: least you get more space these days, I guess Grace: if they're gonna be annoying I'll just bring you with 🤷 Ava: Three holidays would be a record Grace: hot older lad who?! 😂 Grace: Brazil is on another level Ava: If there's sun and sea, I'm happy Grace: you'll be sooo 😊 Ava: 😘 Grace: 💜 Ava: I did not think that would be such a rant Ava: IOU a coffee, I'll ping you the funds rn forreal Grace: As if! like I've NEVER done you that way Grace: shhh Ava: It's done Ava: Consider it a reminder we need a proper catch up when my head is less fried Grace: 👌👌 fine Ava: Don't be mad, it is essential some good happens today Grace: It's fine babes, promise Ava: Good Ava: I better try and finish this essay thing Ava: Or at least make a better start Grace: or at least get yourself a coffee & put some lipstick on Ava: Cheers, I know I look clapped 😂 Grace: shut up Grace: you do not! Ava: I wouldn't wanna chat to me either tbh Grace: Girl, stop Grace: this convo has been wild & I'm living Ava: I meant him, not you 😉 Ava: Only subjected socials to one pic, like Grace: well duh he wants to kiss you again not have a chat Grace: if you wanna talk you'll have to Grace: there's only one kind of convo lads ever start Ava: Hmm Ava: Have better luck with this essay than thinking of something worth saying Grace: what do you wanna say? Grace: like if you could just Ava: Christ Ava: firstly, what the fuck? Grace: he can't shade you for starting there Ava: Though I initiated it so, ugh Grace: he didn't have to go along with any of it Grace: his wife & kids were literally waiting at home for him so Grace: you like deserve to know if there are other girls or not Ava: What's more insane though Ava: asking around every girl on this course, or asking him Ava: There are definite drawbacks either way from where I'm sitting Grace: you said you know him, how much does he lie? Grace: asking him will be more than cringe if you can't believe a word, it'll be pointless Ava: I don't know him like that but Ava: I suppose I've heard that he's a typical lad in most regards so Grace: yeah Ava: but that's from one source so Ava: who's to say they're 100% reliable Grace: right Grace: I'll stalk the other girls, obvs am insane so Ava: No Ava: 'cos then I'll have to tell you who he is Ava: and it'll all get out of hand Grace: OMG do I know him??! Ava: How would you? Ava: 'course not Grace: then why does it matter if you tell me or not? Ava: I'll sort it myself Grace: Ava Grace: is it already out of hand? Ava: That'd depend on who you asked too Grace: I'm asking you Ava: I've got this Grace: promise Ava: 🤞 Grace: 👌

[chewie-redbird]

Family Business (Preview)

Author : chewie-redbird

Word Count : 1,748

Warnings : none......corporate backstabbing? maybe.....idk

Summary : (Y/N) West returns to her home city of Vancouver, where she will attend her family’s company, W&Y International, Board meeting. There she is taking over as CEO from her Grandma Darlene McMurray. She was forced into exile as her life wasn’t safe and due to Board pressuring Darlene to do so as (Y/N) was deemed a “corporate issue”. Returning to pull the rug out from the Board, Darlene hands the company to Ken West, who hands it to his sister Angel, who is (Y/N)’s mom. Now as the new CEO, (Y/N), she has to find out why the Board threatened her live? Why they didn’t want her in the company? Who else is involved with this conspiracy to take over her family’s company?

Characters : OC Characters names are based off my real family.

A/N : Uh this was a dream inspired from a variety if shows. I know this probably sucks as it was quickly just typed out and well yeah. Just wanna know if y’all be interested? I’m also currently writing another story too so......yeah......

Sun high in the sky, nice and clear with the rays shining in the beautiful boardroom with floor length windows making the phantom white marble floor sparkle. The big black and gold marble table is surrounded by nineteen black office chairs with one bright red chair at the head of the table. People in amazing suits and dresses sit at the table, discussing between each other about things and people. Then all of a sudden en elder woman in a blue pantsuit strolls in with a man and a woman behind her.

“I see everyone who is here has made it. Good, let’s begin” the elder woman states as she sits in the red chair as the two people stand by her sides,

“So we are here today so I can announce…..” the boss lady was saying when a twenty-two year-old comes rushing in late,

“Sorry, jetlagged, slept past my alarm” the young man sits down besides another young guy towards furthest from the red chair,

“As I was saying, I called all of you here today so I can announce who will be my successor and become head of this empire that my mother built and I kept and expand while others fell”

“Uh we are one person short, we’re missing…..” the young man speaks up but gets a Miranda Priestly glare from the lady at the head of the table,

“Jared shut up, you weren’t here but Grandma Dar and he-who-shall-not-be-named had a falling out and he is in South America in exile now” the young man next to Jared West whispers to him,

“Never even dare think to say his name in my presence ever again” the lady declares as her face twists in hatred at the mere thought of that person,

“Moving on” the lady in the red chair who’s name is Darlene McMurry states while down at the entrance, a pair of black and red 'Prive' Open Toe Louboutin Pumps walk through the front doors and head to the elevators,

“I have decided to step down as Head of this company and name Ken West as my successor” Darlene announces to the group of people as the woman walks past the front desk ignoring a receptionist and gets into a elevator.

The receptionist finally sees the woman as the doors close, she runs back to the desk and calls up to the twenty-fifth floor.

“Hey Klare, how’s it going down on the front desk?” a woman’s voice comes through,

“Jamie, you gotta listen very clearly. She’s back! The bitch has returned home!” Klare the receptionist says with worry as Jamie’s face falls as she sits up straighter,

“What? When? Where? Why?” Jamie starts to shoot off questions at her friend,

“Jamie! She just went up the elevator! She’s going to your floor!” Klare says as Jamie whips her head as the elevator dings singling it’s arrival.

“Jamie? Jamie you there?” Kalre asks as Jamie freezes as the black Louboutin pumps walk out revealing a young woman in a black Long Sleeve Off the Shoulder Asymmetrical Dress by Victoria Beckham, Ruthenium 61mm Aviator Sunglasses by Marc Jacobs and holding a Cabata Calfskin Leather Tote by Christian Louboutin. Her ears were adorned by Châtelaine Pavé Diamond Bezel 18K Gold Statement Drop Earrings, her necklace is a ruby ‘Châtelaine' Pendant Necklace with Diamonds, her right hand ring finger ring is a ruby ‘Wheaton' Petite Ring with Semiprecious Stone & Diamonds and her bracelet on her left wrist is a ruby ‘Albion' Bracelet with Diamonds and 18K Gold which were all made by David Yurman.

“Hello Jamie, they in the boardroom?” the woman in Louboutins asked while turning to walk away,

“Do you think she knows?” Klare asks through the phone as the woman stops, turns to look back at Jamie and lowers the aviators,

“Oh and I know what you did to me” the woman says as she sends the receptionist a spine-chilling smile then walks away.

“So as we sign these forms, I officially hand over the company over to you” Darlene states as she sings her signature as well as the older gentleman named Ken sings his signature officially taking over the company.

Everyone is cheering as the doors open to reveal the woman in Louboutins walks in and everyone is shocked. No one daring to speak as they look back and forth between the young woman and Darlene, waiting to see who speaks first.

“Well, hello everyone. Did you miss me?” the woman smiles taking off her aviators walking to the table,

“What are you doing here (Y/N), you’re supposed to be in Rio” Darlene says with a hint of anger as some others send a glare towards the young woman,

“Well this is a Board meeting isn’t it? And I am a part of the Board still as I am family. Besides I am here to congratulate my dear Uncle in officially taking over the company after all.” (Y/N) replies as she moves to hug Ken,

“Technically yes…..but we thought you wouldn’t be able to make it due to you being out of the country and all” a twenty-six year old African American in a black button up and knee length skirt explains,

“But yet you could inform my cousin Jared who is stationed in Tokyo but not me? Oh well, it’s great I had some urgent business meeting in town with David Industries about our shipping isn’t it Veronica?” (Y/N) sends her a sweet smile that has underlying hatred to it which is returned.

“If this meeting is done, we shall adjeering until the next Board meeting!” a forty-eight Asian woman in a purple button up, black suit jacket and purple pants and black flats says,

“Actually there is one small thing” (Y/N) explains making the ones who got up to sit back down,

“What is it?” a fifty-two caucasian man in dark brown suit asks,

“Well...there will be a new person as Head of this company but it’s not my Uncle Ken” (Y/N),

“What?! What are you talking about? Who?” the elder man in dark brown questions,

“Me” (Y/N) simply says as she is given glares from Veronica, the elder woman in purple, the elder man in dark brown and a few others.

“You can’t take this company! You don’t have the money nor the legal right to claim as the Head!” Veronica laughs as the others do,

“True. But it can be given to me” (Y/N) smirks as the Board members stop laughing in confusion,

“Uncle, please sign here” (Y/N) points to form after she took if out of a folder that her assistant gave her,

“What are you doing? He can’t hand you the company….you’re not his child!” the elder woman in purple demands,

“Again true Susan, but in the bylaws, if a Head of the company wishes to step down he or she can hand it over to their sibling. Which is my Mom Angel” (Y/N) explains as a forty year-old woman in red suit jacket and black button up with red pants stands up from her seat next to where Ken was sitting.

“And then after she signs her name, she’ll be the new Head of this company. But like her dear brother, she doesn’t want to run this company. So, you know what that means” (Y/N) reveals as she flips her hair as she waits for her mom to sign the new forms,

“You can’t do this! We will not stand for this! We won’t let you!” the elder man in dark brown stands in defiance and anger,

“Sit down Robert! You are talking with the new CEO of W&Y International! Now if you wish to go against your CEO and violate your contract with us, please, continue!” (Y/N) commands as Robert glares at you and the others but sits down in a huff.

“Now since that’s all done, I am pleased to say, as your new CEO I vow to lead this company into a new age of prosperity” (Y/N) announces to the Board,

“If that’s all, meeting adjourned until the next Board meeting!” (Y/N) states as everyone gets up again, (Y/N) sits in the red chair and spins to look out the windows.

Veronica, Susan, Robert and other Board members enter the elevator,

“How the hell did she find out about the meeting?” Robert asks angrily,

“I don’t know, but as she is the new CEO, it will be that much harder to get rid of her now!” Susan explains annoyed,

“Do you think she knows it was us who tried to get rid if her?” Veronica questions,

“Let us pray she doesn’t….otherwise we are all in trouble” Robert states as they all agree as the elevator closes.

“So we know how high this goes up now” (Y/N) tells still looking outside as Darlene comes in to the reflection beside her,

“Robert, Susan and Veronica…..I can’t believe they would turn on me. I brought them into our company and this is how they treat us!” Darlene mutters pissed off,

“I don’t know….they seemed a little bit more scared then angry…..there’s more here then we know” (Y/N) says looking back at her grandma,

“I’m sorry for exiling you to Brazil…..” Darlene was gonna apologize,

“No, don’t. I was under attack from the Board as we now know. It wasn’t safe for me to return unless I became the CEO. For some reason they don’t want me here or in control of this company. And I am gonna find out why. This is our family’s company! Our family’s legacy to the world and I’m not gonna let some corrupt Board ruin that! We will take them down together….as a family” (Y/N) turns around and sees Ken, Angel, Jared and the rest of her family still there as she smiles at them.

“Oh and one more thing…..” (Y/N) taps the phone on the table,

“Th-Th...This is Jamie” Jamie states nervously,

“Jamie darling. You’re fired! Clear out of my building” (Y/N) replies smiling,

“Ok” Kamie says sadly,

“Oh and Jamie, tell your friend Klaire downstairs she’s fired too! Thanks, have a nice day!” (Y/N) states while smiling and hangs up.

“2 Pawns down, a unknown number of them left” (Y/N) says sighing as she stands to look back out the window into the beautiful city of Vancouver.

@daydreamingfairy @mummybear @mrs-mitch-rapp93 @obrosey-af @rememberstilinski @mysterysiria @dylanobemineforever @spxderbarnes @blueraindrops @mf-despair-queen @hayley-noelle-salvatore19 @twilightparker @dumbass-stilinski @roscoeknows @totesem

[kaheis-archive]

50 questions tag 💌

tagged by @aqsun 💓

1. what takes up too much of your time? twitter, youtube

2. what makes your day better? being productive and feeling like i accomplished what i wanted to do

3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today? someone posted videos of hyunwoo and juyeon interacting on real men uwu

4. what fictional place would you like to go? those like forests where animals fairies and nature coexist peacefully...no capitalism to be found there

5. are you good at giving advice? yes my friends come to me for advice often

6. do you have any mental illness? idk i’ve never spoken to a psychiatrist

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no it sounds scary :o 

8. what musician inspired you the most? hmmmmm i don’t know i can’t think of anyone rly,,,

9. have you ever fallen in love? nah

10. what’s your dream date? taking a walk somewhere nice going to a cafe maybe idk something really casual and low stakes

11. what do others notice about you? i’m........ sh*rt. also apparently i seem intimidating/scary

12. what is the annoying habit you have? probably saying “i’m always right but nobody ever listens to me” as my version of “i told you so”

13. do you still talk to you first love? my whom?

14. how many ex’s do you have? zero 🤪

15. how many songs are on your playlist? my playlists on average are 40+ songs oops 

16. what instruments can you play? i took guitar classes for a bit but...they didn’t really go anywhere i was terrible at teaching myself

17. who do you have the most pictures of? kpop idols mostly loona and mx

18. where would you like to go before you die? uhhhh a lot of places i wanna go to iceland, brazil, hong kong, taiwan, costa rica, france and/or italy, south korea, canada.......... :’( yea i just wanna travel

19. what is your zodiac? virgo!! hmu for a full natal chart i don’t know what any of it means so i don’t remember the like rising and moon and everything else

20. do you relate to it? idk anything about what being a virgo means 

21. what is happiness to you? stability

22. are you going through anything right now? yeth.

23. what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? hmmm probably not getting a proper part time job while i was in college

24. what’s your favourite store? i don’t rly shop anywhere consistently??

25. what’s your opinion on abortion? pro-choice!!!!

26. do you keep a bucket list? i’m too poor to have a bucket list and actually do anything on it

27. do you have a favourite album at the moment? not to be myself but are you there and wj stay

28. what do you want for your birthday?  to finish my mx album collection

29. what are most peoples first impression of you? intimidating apparently

30. what age do you seem according to most people? people think i’m younger or older depending on where i am,, when i was on campus at college ppl thought it was 21-22 when i was 18-19, but outside people tend to think i’m 16-18 now that i’m 21

31. where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? next to my pillow

32.what word do you say the most? like aksjfhasjkf

33. what’s the oldest age you would date?  i’m 21 so probably like....26 or 27?

34. what’s the youngest age you would date? like..20 years old. akjsfhsakjfhasf can’t imagine dating someone born after ‘98 i’d make an exception for jiwoo and naeun ONLY 😤 

35. what job/career do most people say would suit you? teacher aksjfhas i used to do workshops for a short period with like 4 other girls and i always ended up talking the most and they all were like PLEASE be a teacher

36. what’s your favourite music genre? bubblegum pop yes i am That bitch

37. if you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? literally a city in any country with access to clean water that doesn’t get super hot at any point during the year and that is affordable

38. what is your current favourite song? honest by key

39. how long have you had this blog for? dec 2012............i’ve been here too long

40. what are you excited for? moving out of new york as distant in the future as that is

41. are you a better talker or listener? better listener i think......

42. what is the last productive thing you did? washed the dishes

43. what do you want for christmas? clothes.....either bose or apple wireless headphones

44. what class do you get the best grades in? i.......didn’t get lower than an A- in any class in college......so i guess like humanities since that’s the field i took most classes in ......but i also got straight As in math in high school.......... 😶

45. on a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 5 i wanted to be more productive today :(

46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years? literally can’t comprehend having plans that far ahead um

47. when did you get your first heartbreak? my first whom?

48. at what age do you want to get married? will i ever get over my insecurities that literally give me anxiety at the thought of being in a relationship? we’ll see 🤪

49. what career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be a writer..little me had big dreams

50. what do you crave right now? motivation to be productive

i tag @osh-l @plasticloveclub @samohyo @leechaeyeons @sappyvelvet @iluyanjun

[remembermemorablememories]

Monday, February 11, 2019

post #399

main points:

- visit starbucks reserve roastery again

- get dim sum at din tai fung / stop by barneys

- walk to pike place market to get some cherries

- walk to gameworks and play left 4 dead 

- walk over to underground tour

- thai dinner with andrea, toby and jwoos

- pack up

writing this on wednesday february 13

today i:

- woke up at 10am and chilled in bed for a bit before jwoos woke up at 10:30am. then we both got ready and left the airbnb around 11am. we walked over to starbucks reserve roastery again

i got my mom some coffee beans, sun brazil, which is supposed to be a lighter coffee with citrus-y flavors. it’s the one we tried a few days ago at the bar the first time we went. jwoos got an affogato type thing, then took some pics of the baristas

we left and then walked through the convention center area to din tai fung in the pacific place shopping center. before we went up to the fourth floor for dim sum, we stopped by barneys new york. jwoos wanted to see what size shoe he’d need for a shoe he was interested in, it was like a white leather type shoe that cost $400 retail. it was in european size so he needed to find his equivalent. he’s gonna buy it for resale cause retail way too much

- ate lunch at dim sum. we split xiao long bao (they were tiny o_o), fired noodles, and a pork rice wrap appetizer. it was pretty good overall, but the soup dumplings were soooo tiny

- walked down to pike place market again to get some cherries. jwoos got some chocolate cherries as souvenirs to bring home. then we walked around the basement area again, looking at some shops. we looked at a japanese store and an artists’ shop. just browsing around trying to figure out what to do. it started snowing again outside... T.T and the flakes were actually like huge... adding to the already existing pain of walking in the snow

- we walked back to the convention center to check it out but there was a microsoft event going on, called microsoft ready (?). it was closed off to public so we were like... now what?? it was 3:30pm and we planned to go to the underground tour with andrea for 6pm. we saw gameworks was right across the street so we went there. we browsed around looking at arcade games and saw an esports section with PCs and consoles. we signed up for an hour for left 4 dead 2 and played from 4:15-5:15pm ish. it was pretty fun, though i sucked LOL. jwoos carried pretty hard. and also i think the mode we played may have been on easy or something, cause i remember playing with dimitri and martin in singapore and it was hella hard then. idk what campaign we played but it was in a circus area and the last part was fighting in a concert area

- walked over to the underground tour in pioneer square. that walk was like 20 minutes but it was suuuuuper rough. it was like light flurries, sort of rainy. the sidewalks were covered in snowy slush as a result from the snow earlier today and then the subsequent rain ish. my shoes got super soaked... feels bad man. super uncomfy and it was fairly cold, like 30 degrees. i just wanted to be at home and warm and dry

- we got to the underground tour, around 5:50pm, just before it started, bought our tix. then we were brought upstairs for a history talk/lesson. andrea and toby were a bit late (like 5 minutes) but were fortunately able to make it in and sat down with us :D 

we learned about crappers and the seattle spirit (being stubborn about potentially terrible ideas), the first mayor, and other stuff. the tour guide was interesting... toby described her as deadpan and i think that’s a good description. her jokes were funny at times but also kinda weird LOL. after the history talk, we walked around the surrounding areas being brought underground. there were 12 of us total (including the tour guide). she told us about the history of why there is an underground. there were actually stores down there during that time before they built over it to the main sidewalk, we saw some cool purple glass tiles above us that were on the sidewalk. they were purple because of the material that they were made of. after enough sunlight they change color. there was apparently a ghost hunter episode or something done here in 2007 where they were inconclusive about the results after living down here for 3 nights. also it was really moggy, like mold growing above us on the ceiling, water seeping through from the rain/snow above :s

we finished like an hour and a half later and ended up in the gift shop around 7pm

- then we took the link back to capitol hill. first time riding the public transit, yay :) it was interesting cause they only had one line but pretty smooth. they have a caltrain like card tapping system where you tap in and tap out which is neat

- we got thai food dinner at manao thai street eats. i got pineapple fried rice and we just hung out talking. it was nice, we got to learn more about toby and his work life. we also talked about the trance music played in cal anderson park a few days ago, seattle vs NYC, joking about april fools pranks/instagram followers, and other stuff. lots of laughter and fun :) 

we said good bye to andrea and toby and then jwoos and i walked back to our airbnb. ugh it was so bad out :( my feet were so cold and soaked, we’d done a lot of walking today in the snow. since seattle doesn’t have infra to handle snow, most uber/lyfts weren’t driving around much

- we got back home, each took a shower, then packed up all of our stuff. i packed up all my dirty clothes, laptop and stuff, figured out how to get the two shoes in there, and then called it a night. we decided to wake up at 4:30am tomorrow to catch our flights, so i went to sleep around 11:30pm/12am

the end!

[carlpalmer]

Idk if you have yet, but if you could please explain the issues regarding the brazilian election (like how bolsanaro gained so much popularity), I would really like to hear what you have to say from your perspective

@outerspace8 hey!! thanks for asking and sorry for the delay, i’ve been struggling with my english vocabulary when it comes to talking about politics! this might be a little long and very biased, i’m sorry

well, first of all, he’s an ex-soldier and has been a federal deputy for over 27 years but he wasn’t that well known outside of his state (rio de janeiro) until a couple years ago. he gained popularity from viral videos of him fighting people in congress, like the time he was having a heated discussion with another politician and told her that he “wouldn’t rape her bc she is too ugly and does not deserve it”. people found a lot of old videos of him saying similar horrible stuff on different situations, with loads of homophobia, racism, showing his support of torture and glorifying the right-wing military dictatorship of 1964. of course, many were horrified, but here’s where it gets Bad: some edgy kids turned him into a meme, praising him for his quick comebacks at ppl and adding the turn down for what meme into his videos. yes, sadly, it’s that dumb. that’s how it started.

well, many of these kids started spreading his word around over the past couple years in facebook groups, and he got advantage that a lot of people have been unhappy with the current government. all our presidents from 2002-2016 have been from the same left-wing party: PT. the presidents have been Lula (2002-2010) and Dilma (the first woman to be president, 2010-2016). they’re far from being perfect, they’ve been involved in corruption scandals, but they had a lot of social projects and did a lot for the poor. they never had the support of the media though, and have been attacked for a long time, by them and by other right-wing and centrist parties, some of whom even paid facebook pages to post anti-PT content, focusing especially on their corruption and bad management of the country, blaming them for beginning an economical crisis. in 2016, after lots of protests from part of the population, vice-president Temer set up what many understand to be a coup and after voting in congress, they impeached president Dilma. Temer is our current president, and has taken a lot of measures considered unpopular amongst the working class, with the excuse of fixing the economical crisis (mind you, politicians receive thousands and thousands of dollars per-month and are REALLY corrupt but who’s blamed for the lack of money? the population). there have been corruption scandals involving Temer too, but what did the population do? shut up about it (except for left-wing supporters), bc they understood it was “too late for another impeachment”. Lula has been arrested over corruption with little proof thanks to popular demand (aka right-wingers demands) when others just as corrupt or worse haven’t (it’s all so messy you wouldn’t believe…)

in disbelief of politicians, some people found their “savior” in Bols*naro: he says what conservative people want to hear - that politicians are all liars, that there have been too many crimes, that health sucks, education sucks, but has no decent plans to make it better. ppl who support him don’t even have to necessarily agree with the atrocities he says, but they say “it’s better than corruption” lmao. some don’t even believe he has said those things, and that’s been done with a very clever technique of manipulation that Trump has used too, from what i’ve heard. he denies literally EVERYTHING he’s been accused of, no matter how trustworthy the source is, no matter if there’s a video of him saying the thing, he will say it has been edited, and people will believe it. he will say he is not racist or homophobic, even tho we have evidence. (he does not do it alone tho, he has the support of right wing youtubers and influencers who organized those protests against Dilma, and the support of a LOT of corrupt ppl in congress, yet his followers think he is gonna end politician’s privileges when he voted for his own privileges when he was a deputy and against worker’s rights). 

he repeats over and over that he is not corrupt, people buy it. his argument and the argument of his followers are weak and they avoid discussing his government plans (trust me, he has none) but instead point fingers at the other party - “what about PT? are u ok with their corruption?”. btw, he disses the still very hated party, PT, whenever he has the opportunity - and accuses them of things they did not do. and that’s where it gets REAL bad. the second ballot will be between him and Haddad, from PT. the past week, Bolson*ro has been involved in a slush fund scandal of mass-sending fake news to what’s app groups, getting paid by millionaire businessmen to spread these fake news and manipulating images, with contents such as saying that PT wants to implement communism in brazil and that the country is gonna become just like venezuela (they have been in government for over 14 years. not once they decided to implement communism), that they disrespect christianism, or that they are pedophilia and incest supporters, that Haddad, the former education minister of Lula’s government, was the author of a project that was spreading inappropriate material in schools teaching kids to be gay…. and the outcome of all of this was, bols*naro said he was never involved in the slush funding scandal, and those people who support him just bought it. with no investigation, with nothing, the same who justified voting for him bc the other party was corrupt.

so yes, he distorts the truth - real news are fake, fake news are real, he points his fingers at other governments and has no actual plans for health or education. he knows absolutely nothing about economy, mind you. oh yeah, and he got stabbed around september, and kinda turned into a martyr for some. ironically, guns are banned here, and he is the one who has a project against the banning law. this dude wants ppl to have guns. god, the more i speak, the more i realize i forgot to say a lot of things. i’ll edit this ask if i left anything out. but yes, this ask might make you think brazil is a shitshow and not a country. i wouldn’t say you’re wrong tbh

[eurydiceh]

i watched h*athers at the other pal*ce last night and i have Thoughts

first off i actually,,,,,,,, don’t remember that much from off-bway 2014 h*athers cause i haven’t watched it in so long lmao but the most noticeable changes were from blue to a song called you’re welcome. mcnamara and duke are not on stage for that one, they get the car keys and leave veronica stranded w/ kurt & ram. the song is not much better off tbh. it’s even more uncomfortable but in a more predatory way i guess so it highlights how she’s....... literally about to be raped but there are still some jokes??? and it’s........ not the time to expect laughter like idk it personally made me very uncomfortable. and yEAH it’s supposed to make u uncomfortable ofc but then they’re throwing in jokes and it’s like friends we had this problem 4 years ago can we. not.

they added a song for he*ther d*ke which i was soooooo excited about!! look. i didn’t love the song. maybe if i listen to it more i’ll get into it but i feel like it was just this huge spectacle and kinda thrown in and also there’s this part where she rips the green costume off and reveals chandler’s red one. despite not loving the song, t’shan KILLED IT and i’m still not over her tbh lmao she was my fave part of the show last night i think. aLsO it added a biiiit more to the character since before she was mostly treated like a villain and now we see a girl who just Really wants to be liked and suffered substantial abuse from her “best friend” and now is just kind of....... free.

they kept d*ad g*y s*n which like. disappointed but not surprised. 

the cast 

c*rrie h*pe fl*tch*r as veronica - i’d listened to a couple of audios of her before and i wasn’t too happy that they’d removed veronica’s high notes but watching it live, it didn’t seem like a huge problem at all tbh. she was an amazing veronica and definitely has very powerful vocals but in my opinion she wasn’t particularly memorable tbh?? i just don’t feel like she was really able to make the character her own and a lot of it felt very derived from barrett but that’s just me.

j*mie m*sc*to as jd - i actually really liked his jd!! he had the look dOWN. he started out maybe a bit more cute-sy and hesitant (like, almost told veronica she had the wrong cup when she gave chandler the bleach & was almost kinda shocked like ‘oh shit i killed someone’) but grew veeeery dark and manic and manipulative and was revelling in moments like after d*ad g*y s*n and sh*ne a l*ght and was always like ‘ok who we gonna kill next!!!’ and was very creepy in general though the musical did prompt you to feel bad for people like him as well as kurt and ram which. it shouldn’t & i don’t bye!

- like quick lil note i understand veronica is in distress but i hate how she sings that they could’ve turned out good when they aLMOST RAPED HER like they didn’t deserve to die but come on!!

j*die st*ele as he*ther c - mixed feelings for this one tbh. i didn’t love her, i’ll start by saying that. her voice is definitely very powerful and very fit for the character, but i feel like she played everything as more comical than anything else and some of her meaner moments felt a bit forced. but she was absolutely hilarious in the me ins*de of me and all the other moments after she died lol. not my favorite but she wasn’t bad either. did have some more memorable little moments like her dance in me ins*de of me was gOLD.

t’sh*n will*ms as he*ther d - i!!! stan!!! i think she was my fave he*ther d tbh??? she’s a fucking powerhouse and she made the character pretty sympathetic, especially towards the end. looked genuinely concerned when she said v looked like hell. in the finale she just stands there kinda grumpy and doesn’t sing along but then veronica insists for like a solid ten seconds and she joins in, still not sure if she quite belongs, very hesitant, but with the cUTEST small lil smile and she gives martha this little wave i cRIED.

s*phie is*acs as he*ther mc - again, she was very good, but i didn’t find her particularly memorable. like, to me, lifeboat just kind of flew by and her almost suicide scene as well and i didn’t feel too much??? her voice is definitely very pretty and she’s a good actress but i think the performance fell a bit flat for me.

a few more lil notes!!

- costumes were fine but i gotta say i was not a fan of he*ther m’s skirt or jd’s trench coat

- the stage was very small but the set felt so big at the same time?? and the set was very pretty tbh i really liked it!!

- sh*ne a l*ght was hILARIOUS and r*becca l*ck was great and being vv interactive and pointing to the guy at the audience and being like ‘you brought your wife aND A KID????’ and the wife was living and the guy was dying

- i feel like some jokes didn’t work w/ the british audience as it happens lmao like when ms fl*ming was like ‘as my thesis from berkley says’ and there were like, two laughs, one from me. in brazil we usually translate these kinds of things but i get why they didn’t. makes me wonder how h*milton is working out here tbh lol.

- dominic & chris were on point as kurt & ram (def reminded me of all the dudebros i know) but i just feel a bit iffy about the whole kram thing and everyone...... you know........ forgetting they almost raped veronica. 

- huuuuuuge props to the ensemble. it was very small but they nailed it and the ensemble numbers were just always filled with energy and a lot of fun!!

- also props to the cast’s american accents!! they did slip at times but they fooled the friends i’d taken with me who were all surprised to find out the cast was actually british.

- i hate paying for programmes. not a note for the show but one from me to this country. i know they fancier than playbills but we have similar ones in brazil and they’re free!! 4 pounds doesn’t seem like much. until you remember that’s twenty reais. TWENTY!!

- there wasn’t really a stage door, the actors showed up at the lobby, but there was a line that went all the way outside the theatre and i am now Old and no longer have the patience for these types of things so i just left. 

- sooooooo many people went dressed up though so if you’re in doubt about whether or not you should i’d say go for it.

- overall it was a good show, definitely fun, didn’t really leave me in emotional shambles but maybe i’m just older & boring now. i’m glad they’re still trying things out and making changes because lemme tell you it needs some of those. but if you’re in london, i def recommend watching it if it’s your type of show (though i know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea), it was a fun experience (love me some h*athers themed drinks) and i don’t think you’ll regret it!

[littleaprilcherryblossom]

Ask sent by @holy-hyuck

you're planning on doing postgraduate? that's cool! i wanted to too but i decided that psychology isn't really for me so when i finish my degree i'll move onto something else. well, hopefully there will be a similar opportunity at your uni of choice, even if it's not to Australia. is there another country you'd like to visit? i always wanted to go to Spain that's really bad, yeah, but i'm no surprised to be honest, it's been over a year now, the constant lockdowns and isolation are really depressing, a lot of people's mental health problems probably got worse, i'm glad i could have a semi-normal life during the first lockdown that sucks, i would have gone insane haha, how have you handled things then? i had my full first semester at uni and then spent 4 months at home which sucked, but i did actually enjoy being at home so it wasn't that bad i'm definitely making that now! i'm such a sucker for pasta dishes, and always down to try something new too. also, coffee cookies sound delicious! oh! does that mean you're finishing your degree now? or is your course 4 years or longer? well, now you have the rest of the summer off so at least that's a relief. i guess i don't know that level of stress level yet since it's my first year and the exams were easier because of covid (since they weren't in person i didn't really have to memorise anything) that's good to hear. i'd love to go to pride one day too, but i honestly don't even know where they're happening. maybe in the near future i'll be able to go. i think as soon as i wrote that it started to rain haha. the weather is kinda meh now, will be for another week or two with a few exceptions, it will either rain or just not be sunny. i don't mind the cool wether with some wind after those heatwaves but it's not sunny at all and i'm kinda feeling demotivated by it. that's understandable. if i'm not offered the vaccine throughout the summer i'll probably get it as soon as i get to uni. let me know how the trip goes! and that sounds cute, is it volunteering? i've been home for almost a month now, it's crazy because it really doesn't feel like it. i haven't even cleaned my room since i got here 😅

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I swear I don't get notified when these come in my askbox 😭

Yes I plan on doing either a postgraduate or smth else because with just a degree in geography there is no job you're really qualified for :(( and yeah I also hope I'll get another opportunity to do an exchange but I have no idea where I want to go... I will look at the programm of the degree first and then look at the country I guess.. I really really want to go to South America one day but there is not one soecific country I would like to go to, maybe Brazil but rather not for studies because idk if they have degrees in English (my portugese is really bad haha)

I wish you the best in your future, I hope you find something you like to do soon enough ! And also that you will be able to go to Spain ! (I would also like to visit one day 😊)

Yes I definetly became a couch potato over the months and I am happy to finally be able to go out "normally" again and just get my mind off all the bad and stressful things I had to deal with 😭 I almost didn't go out the whole year, I had classes in peeson in September and beginning October abd then we had the second wave so there was a new lockdown and from there I only got out to go to my exams in January and once a week to buy groceries, aside feom that I really did not go out. And yeah that was okay at first but over the months I realized I had lost motivation to go outside and exercise and just get out of bed so that's kinda bad...

Yes I am finished with my degree 😭 let's just hope I pass now 😭😭😭 I am so tired of uni I really need a break...

Prides usually happen in bigger cities and since they're organized events you can easily find the dates on the city's website !

Lmao here the weather is just a big joke, the last two weeks it was impossibly hot, like I thought I was gonna die of overheating (36 degrees C in my room at night with the window open and the fan, it was impossible to bring fresh air in no matter how hard I tried so I was happy to escape and go ro my parent's house for a week, today I'm going back to my student residence tho but it's been very rainy and stormy for a few days now and the temperatures dropped haha

Yeah same ! I am planning on doing a voluntary service next year to take a break from uni, so I'll try to be vaccinated until then 😅 and yeah the camp I'm helping at is pretty much voluntary but I don't have anything to pay for the accomodation, transport and food so it's kinda worth going for the experience ! The kids are usually nice, the place is next to a forwst on a small mountain, it's really nice honestly !

I'll let you know !! Next week I'm also going on a 4 days trip with a few people feom my residence :) we're going camping in a place called Taizé (a place where many religious people from all around the world come to pray and just take time to think and rest) and then we will also soend two days in Switzerland near Geneva :)

[leahwithanidea]

28 Oct 2019 - MORE JOY IN HIS SERVICE

I am 45% dead. I think a lot of people don't realise how much and how hard we work as missionaries. Like, we are literally full-time missionaries. We don't do anything else. Crazy.

The past 5.5 weeks, I've been working on finding more joy.In everything. In life. In missionary work.In awkward situations where someone has to explain to you how to play the card game Scum like 6 times over because you're a missionary and you literally haven't even played a simple card game in like 6 months.

I've found that 99% of my joy comes from people I serve and interact with here in the Great Mission Field.

For this week's Inspirational Word Dump From Leah, I will highlight a few of my favorite people and how they have helped me on my Quest To Bask In Joy: Faith

A CUTE 15-year-old we are teaching. She was having a rough week, so we brought some strawberry lemonade by her house and chatted on the doorstep about prayer. She straight up told us to our faces that we were awesome. So. We love her.

Sister Brown

A missionary serving another congregation here in Pueblo West. Basically a runway goddess disguised as a missionary. During our 24 hours together on an exchange, we knocked on a jewelry-maker's door, and Sister Brown was over the moon looking at the walls and walls of necklaces and drawers upon drawers of bracelets. Sister Brown is good at being excited about things other people are excited about.

Sister Baker

Also spent 24 hours with another missionary. She is serving in Raton, the land of my CCSM heritage. She is what we call in the mission, my "great-granddaughter." Meaning, I trained the Sister who trained her trainer. Wack. She has been sick the whole 3 months she's been a missionary but she still grinds every day. Which blows my mind because I caught a cold from her during our 24 hours together (haha, oops) and I've been dying the past 2 days. How do people do it? Idk. Sister Baker loves Jesus so hardcore. And I love her.

AJ

A member of the congregation we are over. 19 years old and on a journey to get to Brazil to be a missionary. He has been jumping over medical hurdles for months now and is still going. Holy moly. We had one of our oct-annual zone conferences this week, and he and his angel mother helped provide lunch for it. Sister Parker and I invited him to sit with us and a bunch of our other missionary friends at lunch. And the smile on his face? Priceless.

President Stevenson

The man, the myth, and the legend of the CCSM. Sister Parker and I and another elder performed a musical number at zone conference. Sister Parker jammed it up on the piano, while me and Elder Osborne sang the hymn Brightly Beams Our Father's Mercy at the pulpit. Afterwards, President was like, Dang Wow Thanks, You Beautiful Missionaries, That Hymn Is My Favorite Hymn In The History Of Ever Wow. One of his jobs as mission President is to help all 170 of us feel loved and appreciated. Another one of his jobs is to help all 170 of us repent and get back into spiritual shape so we can serve the Lord. He has a difficult job. But he does the best.

I love the people I am around. They take good care of me and help me feel joy. Take time to appreciate the people around you. They won't be around you forever. Much love. Many hugs from afar. Sister Leah Gaush Pueblo West, CO Flicks from a good week:

1. Pueblo sun still got me like

2. Exchange with Sister Brown!

3. Exchange with Sister Baker!

4. Sister Parker and I after a long day at zone conference!

5. Selfie outside our house in Pueblo West.

6. It dumped snow. Here I am, being sick. In the snow.

[dailylanguage]

Brazilian-Portuguese LGBT+ Slang

So, like I said earlier, I wanted to do a BR-PT LGBT+ slang post and here I am! I, particularly, uses these slangs all the time on internet and outside it with my friends. That’s going to be a long post, since it has some cultural explanations, but I hope you enjoy it.

Before I start it, I want to say some important things:

1. Some of these slangs can be considered rude and offensive depending on who is using them (ex: heterosexuals) and how you say them, but they are widely used by LGBT+. The fact is, some of these slangs are or were used in an offensive way by homophobes and now, LGBT+ people use it as a way of showing they should not be offensive terms. I’ll highlight every term that is inside this category.

  2. Brazil is a very wide country and some terms might not be used in some regions. Some of them must even use a term with more than one meaning, but I cannot possibly know all of them.

  3. Most of the terms are often used mostly on the internet and were also originated on it. Nowadays, there’s a Facebook group called LDRV (as in Lana Del Rei Vevo) that creates and spreads a lot of LGBT+ slang words. If you have a Brazilian friend, especially a LGBT+ one, ask if the person knows it. If you can join it, that’s even better, but someone inside must invite you, since it’s a secret group. There’s about 500,000 ppl in it.

  4. Some of the terms are LGB because of the lack of representation of T+ people on LGBT+ groups and because a) I’m bisexual myself b) I don’t know many T+ people, either inside or outside of internet. So I’m sorry in advance!

So, let’s begin!

·         Gíria: slang

·         Vale dos homossexuais: it means “valley of the homosexuals”. It’s a fictional place (or not) where there only exists homosexuals, often used in a sense of paradise. It also can be used to say that yourself or another person is LGBT+. It’s more common to use only the word “Vale”, instead of the whole term. Some examples:

A: Você é do vale? Are you from the valley?

B: Eu sou do vale sim, graças a Deus! Yeah, thank God I’m from the valley! (Brazilians also use Thank God as an expression a lot)

Aquela menina ali é do vale, com certeza. That girl over there is from the valley, I’m sure.

·         Bicha: it means something similar to the English bee (like honey bee idk english LGBT+ slangs). Instead of using the name of the person, you can use bicha. It can be used either with women, men or with others, basically with anyone that’s not too older. Some examples:

Bicha, você tá linda hoje! Bicha, you’re beautiful today! (also, instead of você, you can use its shorter form, cê)

Aquela bicha é chata demais. That bicha is too boring.

·         Bicha, para que tá feio!: this is an expression that uses the word bicha and it’s used a lot. “Para que tá feio” would be literally translated as “stop, because it’s ugly”, and it means that someone should stop doing something because it’s getting or already is socially awkward or because it’s something that shouldn’t be said/done. For example, when someone LGBT+ is talking something bad about T+ people (y know, it happens quite a lot), you can say “Bicha, para que tá feio!”.

NOTE: Bicha is one of the terms I was talking about on the notice number 2. If someone who’s heterosexual (and this heterosexual person is not acknowledged not homophobe by LGBT+ people), the term gets offensive.

·         Sapão: literally it means “big frog”. It’s used to say that someone is very hot. Some examples:

Bicha, olha aquele sapão ali! Que maravilhoso! Bicha, look at that sapão over there! So hot!

Aquele seu amigo é muito sapão. That friend of yours is very sapão.

o    There are some derivations of sapão, such as:

o    Sapinho: literally “little frog”. Someone that’s somewhat beautiful and not that hot. Sometimes it’s used when someone is surprisingly beautiful. Example: Aquele seu amigo é um sapinho até. That friend of yours is quite sapinho (surprisingly beautiful)

o    Girino: it means “tadpole”. Used in the same way as sapinho.

·         Sapatão: literally translated as “big shoes”. It has the same meaning as “lesbian”. There’s also another word for lesbian, which is “Sapa”, that literally means “female frog”.

NOTE: Sapatão can also be used as something offensive in the same terms of what I wrote in bicha.

NOTE 2: To say that some girl is beautiful, SAPONA (lit. big female frog) can be used, in the same way that Sapão is used.

·         Sambou: the past form of the verb “sambar” (to dance the samba dance). It’s used when someone did something good, amazing (surprisingly or not). There are some synonyms, such as Pisou (past form of the verb “pisar”, to step on), Tombou (past form of “tombar”) and Lacrou (past form of “lacrar”, but the actual meaning of lacrar is different). Some examples:

Sua amiga sambou na discussão com aquele homofóbico! Your friend sambou in that discussion with that homophobe! (she did great in that discussion, it felt like she won it)

Pabllo Vitar* lacrou na Parada Gay! Pabllo Vitar lacrou in the Gay Parade (her concert in the Gay Prade was great)

  * Pabllo Vitar is a Brazilian Drag Queen pop singer. Her most popular song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HT1LTv5FHTY

  That’s all for today. There’s much more, but I don’t want this post to be longer than it already is. If people enjoy it, I can make more of it. J

[beautiful-bau-beau]

Here’s The Situation

I LOVE THIS BLOG okay? I know it seems like I don't because of how my uploading schedule has been but I do. I hate doing this but....I’m deleting some requests. I'm so sorry but my muse has deserted me. I’m hoping that some new requests might spark up my interests. Please don't hate me. Here are the requests I’m working on (some of them are combined):

Hey so could you do a oneshot where the gang goes over to garcias to celerbrate valentines day and after a few too many drinks they decide to play truth or dare and eventually morgan dares spencer and reader to go into a closet for 7 minutes, just like 7 minutes in heaven? Spencer is really awkward because they both like each other just never admitted it? and finally the reader decides to kiss him? please make spencer really awkward and shy. and you decide if he kisses back or not. ty!               Could you do a 7 minutes in heaven imagine where the gang goes to Garcias at valentines and after they get a little tipsy they decide to play? Spencer picks the reader and when they go in the closest it's extremely awkward, especially with Spencer even though she likes him. Eventually she says screw it and kisses him. You can choose if he kisses back. Thank you so much and Happy Valentines day! pleaseeeee make spencer all shy and awkward.

can you please do a reid x reader where reid takes y/n to meet his friends at a casual house party, he introduces her n they talk for a bit but then y/n stars to have a really bad panic attack and makes a signal to reid (squeezing his hand twice) so Reid takes her outside and calms her down n tells her that he's proud of her for trying n meeting his friends ,, they go home cause y/n still doesn't feel well and he just cuddles her all night and its just CUTE AHH (n pls have reid be the SWEETEST)

Could you do a Reid x reader where the reader was abused sexually when a child and has a fear of people touching her and spencer wants to give her time to trust him, but one he gets a little to drunk and tries to touch her and she freaks out Could you do a Spencer × reader fic, where the reader is super jumpy around the males in the bull pen and she always leavea if they start to drink? And they think that she's pregnant/an unsub, so they force her to a party to see which one. And the reader kinda has a breakdown/panic attack because their dad was an abusive alcoholic but they never told anyone? 

Hi, First of all I love tour fics!! And I esse wondering If You could please do one for me, in wich the reader is brazillian and is New to the team ( Idk If foriners até alowed lol) and Spencer startups saying a lot of facts about Brazil to her and to the team and everyone sees that He alredy has a crush on her. Sorry for the bad english ( not a Native speaker), idk If ir helps but i'm 5 feet 2, brunette, Brown eyes and curv ( lots of boobs Like Kat dennings lol ) thak You, love You page!

Hey! Love your work my lovely! Can you do a British x Reider? Like the team lovesssss her accent? Your friends across the pond send their love! TTFN! X Hey! I adore your stories! Can you do a story where the reader is Garcia's friend from England and she moves to Virginia to start a new life as a comedian. I'm sure you could have a lot of fun with this story. Imagine the cheesy jokes and cute pick up lines haha! Much love from your European friend *kisses*  

Hi, can you do a spencer x reader where he chooses maeve over you and you're best friends with morgan and he comforts you but then Spencer comes back, knowing he made a mistake? Just lots of fluff please! Thanks, love your writing! Can you do one were Spencer and Morgan are fighting over you because they both like you Hey could you do spencer x reader where spencer broke up with her after he called her "not smart enough like maeve" and one time they meet again maybe at music festival where she date a dj and spencer like jealous and admit his feeling? Thanks                                                                                                  Can I request an imagine based on the songs Relapse and Chaser by Carrie Underwood? Where the reader is like Reid's lover (I don't want to call it a booty call cuz that sounds impersonal and yucky), but he stops responding to her because he found Maeve, and it turns out the reader is in love with Reid and vice versa

Hi! Could you do a married Reid x Reader where he comes home and crawls into bed next to his wife and tells her all of his favorite memories/things about her and reasons why he's thankful for her. And she wakes up and kisses him and tells him that she's thankful for him too and the cuddle and fall asleep together? Thank you!                                   I was writing some original prompts the other day and thought these two would be interesting in a Spencer/Reader one shot. “I challenge you to a game of chess.” and “I’m kinda of in love with you right now.” in all one story. Can be used in any context. 

Hey! Btw, your work is amazing!! So, I've got a request. Could you do one with the reader helping out the team and developing a crush on Spencer. While the reader is helping out one of the team members with a case, the house catches on fire so it's Spencer to the rescue

Can you do a story where the whole team tries to prank Spencer and the reader and the reader jumps into Spencer's arm and the teams just laughing bout it?    Maybe you can do a sibling rivalry and/or Prank war with Goob? 

Can I please have a oneshot where Spencer unknowingly dates the Unsub AKA the Reader but instead of turning her in he runs away with her.

Hii! So I have a request: Spencer wants to impress his crush the reader and takes her ,even though he doesn't like big crowds, to a concert (the 1975 maybe?) where he confesses his feelings 😁

hey sweetie, do you can write about spencer as a silly husband? but in a funny way, i think it will be nice, thank you 😁

[wehelddarkness]

personal rant below

when i get mad over people in other countries living their lives as if there isn’t a pandemic going on i do so because after 5 months i still can’t have a normal family time.

brazil has just reached 100.000 deaths due to covid this weekend.

the pandemic is still very much going on here, in may other places, and there’s still a big chance that places where it’s been controlled could have a new wave of the disease.

this fucking virus has robbed me from quality time with my family and in the process has broken my family even more.

my sister-in-law has lupus and is in the high-risk group. My bother, her and my nephew have completely isolated themselves, to the point that i even suggested staying self-isolated at home for 15 days to protect myself and make sure i didn’t have any symptoms just so i could meet with them, still taking all precautions and safety measures, but still.... my brother said he’d rather not take the risk :)

almost a month ago he agreed to meet with me and my mother. at a park, an open space. all of us wearing masks of course, because it’s mandatory.

only because he had already met with my sister-in-law’s family :)

he still hadn’t suggested meeting with my father.

that happened last week. at out house in the country, where there’s a lot of open space and fresh air. with all of us still wearing masks inside the house.

this weekend was father’s day here in brazil. even though i had already seen my father last week, since everybody in my family is doing okay, i’m also doing okay, i thought it would be good to spend the day with him, especially because i hadn’t been around him for over 4 months. and so the whole side of my father’s family - my uncle and aunt, my two cousins, my cousin’s wife and kid, my grandmother, my stepmother, my brother and his girlfriend got together yesterday at our country house again.

there’s been a delicate situation with my family and my brother with this whole isolation thing, so.... since my brother had already gone to the country house the previous week, my father didn’t even try to ask my brother to see if he would come.

BUT IT WAS FATHER’S DAY!!!!!!!!! and i got pissed about it. so i wrote my brother a message, asking him kindly if he’d consider coming to the house to spend the day with our father, cuz that would be nice for him, but of course we’d do everything safely as we had done before.

my bother didn’t reply to my message. he only read iri idek when because i went to bed and he hadn’t read it yet, only when i woke up i saw the two blue checks :)

anyway. he showed up after lunch. spent two hours there and went home.

i put my mask on, my stepmother also put on hers, but the rest of my family didn’t, although they all stay very far from them, the social distancing in that house was real. but both my brother and my sister-in-law were wearing theirs. at least i got to play with my nephew, he was in a good mood and didn’t make any fuzz because he was scared to see a lot of people he doesn’t recognize (because he doesn’t know his family. he’s 1 and half year old and he doesn’t know who is his grandpa/grandma/aunt/uncle 🙃). it was pretty chill to be around him while they stayed there.

but today i found out that my brother talked to my mother after they left and told her that we weren’t cautious at the house, that people weren’t wearing masks and they aren’t ready to hang around like that.

AND I’M SO FUCKING MAD.

you guys have no idea how i live in constant fear every day that i might have covid. if i sneeze once a day, i think i might have it. if i cough once a day, i think i might have it. if i have stomachache, i think i might have it. if i have a slight chest pain, i think i might have. i dread that i might have it and might transmit it to my mother who lives with me. i spent these two weekend with my father dreading thinking i might have transmitted it to the people who were there at the house.

every time i have to go to the market (because that’s the only place i go sometimes once a week, or every two weeks, i have to wear a mask and i also wear gloves. i put on alcohol gel as much as i can, even over my gloves and after i take them out. and still, i think i might have caught this fucking disease somehow.

i’ve lived for 3 months only seeing my mother and my uncle and aunt, who are my neighbors, in person. i’ve seen both my grandmothers a few times to help them or just to say hi. i’ve only seen my father/stepmother/brother after almost 5 months.

no one from my family has had any symptoms (aside from my uncle, but it went away pretty fast). so as for today, everybody in my family is healthy and well, that’s why we took the opportunity to meet up. still, at a house isolated, with a lot of free space and fresh air.

because of that, we didn’t see the need to wear masks while at the house. even though.... my father is also from the high-risk group, my grandmother and my aunt as well.

it’s not like we’re being careless. we, as a family, know what each one is doing to protect ourselves and be safe. we aren’t going out without any need. we aren’t meeting people outside our family circle. we aren’t going anywhere just because we want to. everyone is taking things pretty seriously because every part of my family has someone who is high-risk, we won’t put anyone’s life in danger unnecessarily. we are doing everything we can to protect each other while still trying to live our lives the best way we can.

so, for my brother to say that we are being careless and that he can’t be around us like that..... that’s just..... bullshit.

i told him we could be careful just like we had before. i was, i put my mask on. if he wanted to, so there was no misunderstanding, he could’ve asked my father to put on a mask and to tell the others to put on as well. but he didn’t do that, so..... idk, it’s not our fault, or the others who didn’t put a mask on when they were all around the same family they’ve been around for 5 months, knowing that they have protected themselves.

i might be wrong and he might be right tho idk but all i know is that i want to be with my family despite this fucking virus. i’ll protect myself as much as i can and i’ll try to see them whenever i can, however as i can because tomorrow ... who knows what can happen?

i’ll take my chances. i’ll keep protecting my family. i won’t start going out now all the time to see them. i can’t do that because of my own health, because i’m paranoid that i might have this virus and that i might contaminate them, so i’ll wait and when i feel safe again, i’ll see them, hope that they are all healthy and well too.

i’m just mad because...... this thing with my brother has become a snowball and i’m trying so hard to amend things between our family. it’s what i’ve been working in therapy during this whole pandemic and it feels like the more i try the worse it gets.

i feel sad because of my nephew and the lack of interaction he’s having with the rest of my family, with the bond he’s not having with me, and my parents. and it feels like my brother and my sister-in-law don’t care about that at all.

and i feel ignored and treated badly when my brother acts like that and straight up ignores me. it’s already bad that i feel like the odd one out in my family, that i don’t belong and when i do something to try to bring everyone together, shit like this happens.

it’s tiring and frustrating and i’m on the edge of giving up and like..... choosing distance myself from my brother, because nothing i do works if he doesn’t try to, and to see my mother and my father also giving up doesn’t give me nay hope that my family will be fixed any time soon