#idk it makes me happy but it also upsets me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cascadianights · 8 months

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There's a perch right above the heater with a weighted blanket lying on it, and a view of the entire bed, waiting for my cats.

Its been open for weeks but they never used it. Then my senior cat went to sleep there, looking out over her entire family. She never woke up.

That day my other cat groomed my hair for 30 minutes straight, and has slept in that spot constantly since.

#animals #idk it makes me happy but it also upsets me #i set up that perch for them knowing theyd love it and i was so confused they werent laying there #and so happy when she did - its warm and safe and looks out over the rest of us #she was always happier just a little removed from the direct chaos and cuddling #and now i see him there and i smile #but im also so scared #my anxiety rules my life #and its always fixated on the animals #if im doing enough for them if im keeping them safe #i do rounds of the yard and gather any loose trash or string i think could maybe possibly hurt them #i collect every hemlock plant and dispose of them #my cats dont even go outside #i have everything toxic locked away #but she never ever ate anything but her food #i keep going over it again and again what could I have seen what could I have done differentl6 #but she was so fine #she was healthy and happy and had no changes in behavior and was asking for and happily eating food and asking for pets and purring a storm #she was healthy and happy and then she went to sleep and she was gone #i dont understand #i dont underdtand #and my anxiety - which has always been obsessed w this possibility and has nightmares about my friends partner or just dying out of the blue #is going off the rails bc if i can be so hypervigilant and check and recheck everything and she can still just go to sleep #and never wake up #whats stopping all the others from it #whats stopping my other cat from neever moving from thst spot again #i know she was old i know but i thought she still had so long i just dont understand #and if i dont understand how can i keep ot from happeniny again how can i oeep them safe

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theswedishpajas · 11 months

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😇💀🪓👻😈

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moeblob · 5 months

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Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!

I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.

#fe three houses #ferdinand von aegir #discord emotes #i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but #i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share #since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself #the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but #some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts #so those im gonna skip on lol #whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em #i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones #if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use #i used concernednand (the upper one) so much #the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time #debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love #fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist #someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet #and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art #and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet #and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote #and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server #some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me #cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog #and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog #so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here #so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao #anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server #i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away

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luck-of-the-drawings · 6 months

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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

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crownedwille · 2 months

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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere #it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest #and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all #and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset #i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life #the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting #i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing #i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it #and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong #i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom #i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now #am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know #i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation #navigating ao3 has also become difficult now #it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change #i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon #i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy #and that's what's upsetting #anyway sorry i had to write this #personal

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sheltoner · 1 month

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congrats to jannik, a little sad for frances, but i can be happy with this outcome

#now saying my full thoughts and feelings in the tags because i don’t want to be crucified #while i am very happy for jannik i’m sad for frances bc he played so well and i rly don’t want him to go into a slump for the uso #if that happened i would be super upset #another thing is that while i definitely like jannik i just like it so much better when there are more unexpected outcomes or if someone #who isn’t the top player wins #and ig this is more on a broader level than just cincinnati but i feel like jannik hasn’t been compelling me so much recently #so i’ve become more likely to root against him sometimes when it’s a player i like more #to me he’s kinda like “makes perfect sense. doesn’t compel me tho”#also like the fact that he’s so so so popular (at least over here) can kinda make me a like him just a bit less #idk #so i’m not upset abt this result but i’m not overjoyed #there are my full feelings now

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wow-an-unfunny-joke · 2 months

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Currently avoiding Beast like the plague because I’ve heard that it’s tragic and I’m afraid.

#I’m almost done with stormbringer #26 pages into Dazai’s entrance exam #on chapter one of Dazai’s dark era #and I’ve finished fifteen #idk what this ‘the day I picks up Dazai’ thing is but I found what I think might be a fan translation #and I’m reading that too #I’m also reading death masks by Jim Butcher so #ya know #my head hurts #cries in dyslexia #occasionally I’ll take a fanfiction break #where I read this one super long chat fic that I’m on like chapter 16 of #it’s one of the nine completed fics tagged with Miyazawa Kenji has an eating disorder #so I started reading it #cause I’m a sucker for making the happy character sad #also he does not have a healthy relationship with food #fight me #I’m so upset that Kenji works at the agency at all #I feel like his ability would be too beefy (he wouldn’t be able to control it as well) if it weren’t for Fukuzawa’s ability #so that’s maybe why he works there #but there’s so much wrong with Kenji working there #I’m also looking for Dazai sh fics #I just want a fic where teenage Chuuya takes care of teenage Dazai sh #is that too much to ask for????#bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd dazai #bsd shitpost #bsd light novel

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biblicallyaccuratepigeons · 3 months

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Look man. I just. I get really tired of stepping around people. And having to deliberately hide parts of myself just to keep the people around me happy. I'm tired of hearing people talk about those parts of me like they're a bad thing right in front of me. It's exhausting to look the other way when I have a good reason not to.

#this is about being not-cis in a christian environment yeah #but it's also about being a christian on tumblr #i'm glad people think i'm cool but sometimes being cool is physically tiring and i'm getting sick of it #maybe i should just make a dni list. idk. would there be a point?#it's not like i can afford to shut people out irl anyway. why bother here?#i've just. got a lot to think about #just. being a christian makes me really happy y'know? to the point where i'd even choose it over my best friend if i had to #it's really upsetting to 1) see people doing bad/stupid things in the name of the god who saved my life #and 2) see people hate him who never even knew him #i'm glad to be here. it's the place where i can be queer without needing to justify it all the time #but i can't talk about my favorite thing anymore without worrying about who's already jumped to conclusions about who my god is #i have a lot of thinking to do

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faaun · 5 months

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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart

#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but #you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they #should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc #they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant #the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look #exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway #god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else #inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home #i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty #there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air #med school students walking to their lectures #she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now #there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven #ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen #tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you #more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO #ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over #i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself #that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too #its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW #BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND #WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway #standing up it just feels so #exhausting #like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever

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jewishcissiekj · 7 months

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I hate Obitine (or just dislike them) badly for many reasons but I think I've realized what the main one is. Obi-Wan Kenobi should never be happy. Ever. I do ship him with other people but like in an unrequited kind of way. Do NOT give that man a stable and happy relationship that's a crime

#happy valentine's day #i know they're doomed but they still make me upset #also i hate that it's canon because it feels so weird for obi-wan #feels out of place idk how to explain it #but then again #my opinion so if you like them it's fine ofc

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todayisafridaynight · 6 months

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would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki

#snap chats #haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant #anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much #i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do #fine lets get Real Talk about it #well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there #and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway #i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls #like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it #that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji//#like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence #smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on #its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP #i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode #especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much #i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught #aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up #and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful #his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry.#his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore #like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene #plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too....#idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL #i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀#maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO #thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever

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the-ark-awaits · 2 days

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man.

#sometimes i realize exactly how unnecessary and unneeded i am in groups #like its kinda wild how easy it would be to leave entirely and have no one notice #it makes me also realize how much i intrude honestly #i dont really fit or match any group and its very noticable #i kinda just. ugh.#its kinda upsetting sometimes #i feel like people are usually happier when im not around and like...#i can kinda see it when i look at people when i do vs when i dont interact #its also probably why i dont like. get included or invited to things #i mean id rather people be happy without me and me feel bad than be like #pity included and have all of us be miserable yknow?#idk. its just weird

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deus-and-the-machina · 7 months

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I feel like I keep seeing this happening but it frustrates me when a popular show gets hyped up then has some mediocre writing and people act like it's now become to worst thing ever. girl people stuck out for goddamn supernatural this is nothing.

#this is mainly about yellowjackets like yeah the second season wasn't perfect but it was also not as bad as some people claimed #I get you're upset nat died but that doesnt make it bad writing why are you getting upset at the explicitly dark show for not giving a #character a happy ending and there was the thing with the actor wanting to leave as well but outside circumstances aside I thought #the parallels of nat letting javi die for her vs not letting someone do that for her again were interesting #idk I just hate that it didnt take much for people to sour on the show like cmon it wasn't THAT bad #plus like. we still have the teen timeline she's still gonna be around as a character and ngl im more interested in that so maybe it doesnt #bother me so much but yeah. I cant really recall the last time people weren't upset about a character death and I feel there's a knee-jerk #reaction of calling it bad writing which I even agree with sometimes so im disappointed but not surprised.#siren says #writing stuff

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the-kipsabian · 11 months

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sometimes i think that maybe i should just invest in popular ships and characters for the stuff i make so i wouldnt feel so fucking out of place constantly but i also know it would come with the cost of my motivation and happiness so its like

which one is a lesser evil for my mental health, doing something that would make me feel important but not happy or vice versa

#struggling. my brain is pudding #idk i just. sometimes i dont know why i write. i mean its obviously for myself and like one other person that it makes happy #but also then the disappointment of lack of interest and interaction makes me sad and upset #so like. i dont know. i know 'write for yourself first and foremost!' but thats also an issue #ugh. whatever. i know im not gonna change with this so idek why im complaining we'll just do this dance again in like a week #im just gonna dive back into stardew its fine whatever #maybe one day i'll write something thats actually worth of something. doubtful but whatever #im just sad today its fffffine #night is an absolute mess on main

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my-thirteenth-reason · 3 months

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kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)

#guys i have worth??? im actually a human being deserving of basic respect and SHOULD be apologised to if i am not given that??? holy shit #ok but like i actually was pretty mad and i just wasn't going to talk to them when the weekend ended but to think they'd actually apologise #guys i am a friend worth apologising to omg this is so nice #(<- was fuming over how i was a “friend” not even worthy of her basic decency and respect an hour ago)#LIKE IM STILL MAD #okay i actually cant vaguepost to save my life but basically this girl whos a friend i recently got close to and formed a friendgroup with #shes really fucking whiny and ive been tolerating it for so long but on friday she was extremely whiny and rude whenever i just asked a #simple question #and it's really draining and humiliating to be spoken to like poop on the sidewalk in front of other people #but anyway other than that i was really upset because during pe i wanted to show her my hip injury cuz i thought it was funny #(it wasn't diagnosed yet i just felt my joints moving weirdly)#and like that involves her putting her hand on my hip #so i asked her to do that then she started whining about how she doesn't want to touch me and that i'm weird for asking ppl to touch me #then she started telling like the 3 other ppl around us i was weird and wanted ppl to touch me #then this other cool girl overheard and looked at us funny i guess cuz then the friend said 'haha now [cool girls name] is also laughing'#i was so fucking embarrassed and humiliated i still want to tear up thinking about it #like are you actually my friend wtf i don't even need enemies w a friend like you #i wanted to cry so bad then #ugh i hate it #like you couldve just said no thanks bro what is ur problem #this just made me realise how much i hate how she talks to me sometimes #and i know i need to stop surrounding myself with negative vibes in order to feel happy #but its still so frustrating #we were doing so well the other day and google meeting everyday #then this happened and then she got mad and started ignoring me on the way home #bro idk i hate ts i should just stop making friends #rant

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flamingothing · 14 days

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anyone struggle with the fact it's better than it was but it's not good still. or maybe it's not better than it was it's just different bad therefore new therefore better but not. and maybe you solved old problems but where to now. i've done so much work why isn't it good now. or whatever

#guys i am stuck in life i sense idk what to change i have hobbies i get out of the house (work) i have like two close friends #and i have acquaintances and mutuals who i love and like me i think #i listen to music i have interests that i think make me happy. i mean they do but not truly happy im never truly happy #until i am truly happy and then it hurts more than feels good so it upsets me #im jealous and envious and angry but im also nothing i feel nothing. and then i explode but i feel nothing. nothing #im scared of everyone all my friends all my family every stranger it's like they all Know. know me too well #know im not well. know im sick #worth nothing. they know. but they don't know im too private. i cant talk about struggles to friends without panicking like #a trapped animal. they know everything and nothing i show everything and nothing and my nothingness and #okay whatever #guys i might have depression like.#well. im diagnosed borderline im diagnosed ocd my therapist thinks i have but decided not to diagnose my histrionic bcuz she #didn't wanna put two PDs on my record. but maybe i am just also straight up normal depressed #normal depressed nothing special depression just nothingness depression idk #if u read this i love u. thanks. i guess ive always tended to reach out this way

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