#idk it's so weird to hear all this secondhand.

[orcelito]

🧍

Well.

[doodle-pops]

omg!!!!!! i would’ve loved to hear ur thoughts on the angsty mortal x immortal😞 sorry tumblr is being weird for u!!

but to be fair, in my defence!!! i would’ve frozen up and panicked if an elf confessed to me. imagine it’s someone’s as great and respected like glorifindel. like don’t get me wrong, he’s a great statue of a man. but i personally would’ve believed he would be lying to me and playing some sick joke 💀💀 like how can you THEEE balrog slayer like some nothing of a human being 🤔 r u sure you’re not making a mistake here⁉️⁉️

but personal grievances aside, in terms of plot sake, let’s just make it angsty!!! i can see that reader might be coming from great insecurity, as you said, and is not thinking right. imagine being a bystander and watching that go down 😭 omg id cringe so hard, it’s like watching a public proposal and the person being proposed to says no outright and now….everyone is just frozen stiff with awkwardness. now what???

maybe to add another layer and dramatic flare to it, what if it was an enemies to lovers dynamic? maybe that’s why reader would he adamant about being against the confession 🤔 they just fully believe that they won’t be good together—constantly bickering and arguing. there’s no common ground! so why now, of all times, did this elf fall in love with them? for what purpose? some twisted and cruel consequence that is love? (heavy desperation included BTW maybe both sides are mutual, but one is more on extreme denial while the either is just grasping at straws atp)

also side note, if the elf in question was someone insane like IDK faenor during that phase of his, it’d be reasonable that reader would try and run away from them 😞😞 that man is fine…do NOT get me wrong. but he ain’t my damage to carry 😫

Tumblr is being very weird. I also hate that new feature where all the coloured text are underlined. Like??? Ew no, the aesthetic is ruined 😭.

I agreed with that Feanor statement. Like yes Mr made with perfection in mind, body and soul you are fine but I'm not carrying your baggage 🤚. Deal with your issues before stepping to me angry fire boi.

For the whole idea of the elf out of nowhere confessing their undying love for a mere mortal reader, it would be a scary experience. "Who are you and what do you want from me?" Insecurities will be kicking us hard in the head when the comparisons are being made. A great elf courting a mere mortal 😳. "Sir, are your eyes in need of being checked? 20/20 vision?"

This post is so coincidental because last night I was teasing @lamemaster about plotting a Maedhros enemies to lovers angst fic 😈. I like the idea of watching people lose their minds over the back and forth mutual pinning and hating. And I absolutely agree with you on the "suddenly out of nowhere they realised they love me!" Like what do you mean love? When you despised me?? And we were at each other's throats??

Being a bystander leads to secondhand embarrassment. I would be screaming in lowercase for reader to disappear. This leads to another #huh? #cringeworthy #isheforreal? #erupickupyourson

Conversely, I do enjoy the idea of reader and elf enemies to lovers troupe stem from two houses feuding. Generational feuding that transcends through history and they're the ones who decide whether they end it or continue. That's interesting though, an elven house feuding with a mortal house 🤭. Not only insecurities get introduced but superiority and egotism to drive the dislike they contain.

For a plot twist, I would enjoy if reader and elf still didn't end up together. After all the turmoil and biting at each other's throats, they remain neutral #friendzoneforlife 😗👉👈

[the-punforgiven]

Hey, i wanted to ask because you seem to know your stuff, do you have any resources/books/sites you recommend for people who wanna know more about knights?

To be honest I'm really not sure, most of what I know comes from just like, hearing it secondhand and then googling it later tbh

If you're more in the market for dry academia I've heard an effective approach is like, searching for weapons/armor/whatever on wikipedia, and then like, scolling down to their sources for something interesting to read, but idk if that's your speed (Tbh it's usually not mine either, unless I'm having a catastrophic autism moment lol)

To be honest the place I got the majority of my knowledge from is just from like, getting curious about random shit and googling it, I really wish I had better resources I could give but tbh I often just like, don't really keep track about what I'm googling, I just google some shit like "What centuries were people wearing close helms" or whatever and then just read several different pages to make sure the information lines up

Or I'll hear something in passing about like, "The heaviest sword ever used in battle was 7 feet long and weighed 14 pounds" or something and google that one, which opened up a huge rabbit hole for me that was very fun to dig down into

(Admittedly, whenever I'm curious about something related to combat or swordsmanship techniques, I usually end up finding my way back to this wiki specifically though)

I also got a lot of what I know specifically from like, traveling medieval festivals and my SCA friends, so if you can find a festival or a branch of the SCA around wherever you live I'm sure you can find some nerds willing to share weird history facts with you

Because to be honest, basically all my knowledge of knights and such just came from either random idle curiosity or word of mouth + google. Like, Listen to something cool someone says, google it, voraciously consume information on the topic, repeat

That's also why my knowledge is very very spotty, I have a lot of knowledge but it's full of weird gaps that make it difficult to really talk about what I know with other people who like, actually know their shit lol

Alternatively again I know there are plenty of youtubers who like talking history, I know Skallagrim is a popular one (and largely responsible for making End Him Rightly a meme back in the day) but tbh I kinda fell off watching his videos a few years back so I have no idea what kinda content he's making nowadays

If you're more interested in the swordplay than the history I know I got my start on that from the Blood and Iron HEMA channel, but admittedly I fell off from watching their videos a few years back as well lol

That said I also recommend googling the shit out of whatever youtubers say that piques your fancy, since idk I've found youtubers are more likely to get their sources mixed up than anyone else for some reason

I'm sorry I really don't have much in terms of resources to give you tbh, basically everything I know came from me hearing about something cool and falling down a rabbit hole googling it

The only other advice I can give is that if you see a weapon in a videogame that's got a fancy name that sounds like, vaguely european, maybe try googling that too, you might find something neat!

Sorry for the wall of text also, and doubly sorry there's so little substance in it ;-;

@history mutuals please share whatever you've got below, for both anon and me lol

[taminoamirfouad]

i was at tamino’s first LA show last night and the crowd was very cringe in a lot of moments. multiple people calling him beautiful and all that. heard a fan said something along the lines of “we love you for more than your beauty” i remember him responding to one of those beautiful remarks with a “cool.” worst moment was when a guy yelled out “YOU’RE A GOD” and it was just so awkward, tamino tried to deflect it by talking about being in the “city of angels” i don’t understand why people yell these things at shows it’s so unnecessary and weird!

ew, how cringe. the secondhand embarrassment i got from reading this... yuck. the thing is that he plays relatively small venues & his shows tend to be really quiet (no one screams, etc) so when someone actually says/yells something it carries & he hears it. while the likelihood of an artist hearing fans yell embarrassing & objectifying idiotic comments at an arena/stadium is pretty low. like of course i understand people recognizing how ridiculously attractive he is (or how he is a (demi)god lol) & i think it’s fine to express that online; but i think when you go to his shows it would be much more respectful to celebrate his talent & craft, and not his looks. idk, why is this any different from catcalling a stranger on the street?

[kindaconfusingme]

Since it's the end of november, I thought I'd give an update on my reading for the Autumn Reading Challenge 2.0 :)

I am working on a few other prompts atm so I think I will be through kind of soon. I have decided to pick books I already own for all of these so I can use this challenge as motivation to reduce my tbr. I fear this post will be kind of long so be prepared :D

Number in the title: Million Girl Vol.1-3 by Kotori Momoyuki

I read the 1rst and 2nd volume of this years ago when I was a teenager and bought vol 3 secondhand for this challenge bc I always wanted to finish it. It’s about a girl at a very elite high school who finds out that her family owes a lot of money to the yakuza. To repay them, she enters the Money Game that is established at her school, which consists of multiple rounds of competing against different opponents in different challenges, cheating is allowed. While I enjoyed the atmosphere and the reading experience, I’m not the biggest fan of anything beyond the first volume. It gets a little absurd and one does not get the chance to solve the mysteries of the rounds alongside the protagonist, which I would’ve liked to try.

Book with riddles: Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

I love the movie, so I hoped to like the book as well. Sadly, I was disappointed :(

I think one of the problems with it was the pacing, because a lot of the moments that are essential for the plot and should be interesting to read are just really hard to transfer to written text (while looking cool on screen). It’s not that interesting to hear Wade talk about how he has to beat a Pacman-high score. Moments like these were either boring to listen to (audiobook) or skipped over by the author, the latter option being weird as well because some of these moments were quite important. I also found Wade to be pretty annoying and full of himself. I think he compensated a lot of his low self esteem by feeling like the absolute best at knowing niche pop culture details. I kind of relate to that bc my self-esteem is held up by similar things, but I would like to think that I am not as insufferable. Or maybe I am but nobody notices bc nobody can read my thoughts. And I had to listen to Wade’s through the whole book, which made me want to scream sometimes. Artemis was pretty cool, but I felt like a lot of her character was the way it was to make sure she’s the ideal girl that lonely gamer guys wish to meet somewhen (spoken in cliches, I don’t want to shame lonely gamer guys in general here). I guess you can read this book either as a homage to 80s pop culture and be happy about a virtual reality adventure or it reads as a slightly problematic self-insert. … Idk, the book had its moments but ultimately it was a bit of a letdown. I will stick to the movie. And I still love the premise of this story a lot.

Nostalgic read: Sieben Pfoten für Penny – Freiheit für einen Delfin by Thomas Brezina

This book is part of a large series of books about a teenage girl named Penny who gets involved in different stories with animals that usually need saving. Like Flipper 2, the dolphin this book is about – or rather: Should be about. The story of saving this dolphin would be enough to tell a compelling story, if it was detailed enough. Instead, a lot of different side plots get introduced and solved within a few scenes and everything just felt rushed, mismatched and weird. I wondered whether that was because I am reading this as an adult now or if it was because of the way it was written and I landed on the latter since I read plenty of children’s books as an adult that I enjoyed a lot.

Nonfiction: Interest and Investment in fictional Romances (van Monsjou & Mar, 2019)

I stumbled upon this study while researching for my thesis and downloaded it bc boy oh boy am I myself invested in fictional romances – so why not find out what science says about it. I will not go into detail here bc there are too many tiny findings for that, but I was expecting what the authors were expecting as well: That high involvement in fictional romances compensates one’s one loneliness/dissatisfaction with love life and correlates with attachment anxiety. Interestingly enough, the attachment anxiety part was more or less there (they listed some statistically insignificant findings as well though and I don’t remember whether this was one of them and I also don’t remember whether it was found in all studies that included the attachment anxiety measurement). The loneliness/dissatisfaction thing was not found, instead people who were more interested in fictional romances seemed to use those as an exploration for their own romantic wishes – which makes sense, I guess. It is to be said though that the sample was taken from people who were not very involved in fandom over all, only a slight number of participants read or wrote fanfiction for example. As well as the authors, I do think that in a sample that consists of people who are actually involved in shipping and stuff, the results could be more consistent with the expectations, because I do think there is a big difference in the reasons for enjoying the chemistry of a fictional couple casually and being extremely invested in a fictional couple to the point of obsession. Therefore, I’d like to read follow-up studies that have these samples; so far, I have not seen these anywhere.

[starlit-mansion]

okokok. i am not entirely sure i have ever seen you talk about this and how dividing the books all are is fascinating to me so... what's the opinion on the novel trilogy, or even frights/tales if you're willing to touch that w/ a ten foot pole --scrappedbaby

I feel like this is a pretty controversial take but I think the Silver Eyes itself is… fine. Okay, I tried to actually read it once and I couldn't get more than a couple pages in, because it read like when someone posts their homework assignment that was secretly fanfiction on fanfiction dot net. I have a little bit of a soft spot for the graphic novel, actually, due to it being bad in an interesting way rather than blandly decent like the other 2, which I've only flipped through. (Also the shitty saturated coloring fucked over the inks. Setting aside any opinions of the artist as a person, i think her style has character and added something to the series that is still present in other parts I like much better, like the glamrock concepts. And the muted test pages that someone scrounged up from a trade show copy or whatever would have probably done wonders for the atmosphere.)

As for the story of TSE itself… Idk, I think it's kind of funny that it's Stephen King's IT for fourth graders. Also, because it's aimed at that demographic, they had to conjure a young protagonist from somewhere, and I think the concept is pretty solid, and Charlie's a good character, and I'm also fond of what a little freak Dave-era William is. That's really my favorite concept of the villain motivation in the series, actually: creating this twisted little dollhouse to go sit in and pretend to be a robot. The immortality/mad science/lich/trancendance from the flesh thing is… it's fine. I made my peace with it. But it's a little too Herbert West for my tastes. (Also like… this is why I like Glitchtrap. He's kind of doing the same thing, making is little diorama and reliving his glory days.) All in all, for what it is, a solid 7/10, imo.

As for the rest of the trilogy……. ah, it's not for me. Like I said, I've flipped through the graphic novels a bit, and own them secondhand as curiosity pieces/weird little relics, but it seems like it gets up its own ass to cater to people who like lore (a separate but related demographic as people who like the horror part of the games, in my 100% honest opinion). I hear about the illusion disks and I am austin walker's iconic "do you ever see a take so bad you immediately have to go to sleep?' tweet.

As for Fazbear Frights: I'm not gonna lie, i think it's pretty good. I feel so fondly about the ghostwritten chapterbooks of my youth (I was a Babysitter's Club and Animorphs girlie, and weirdly… not an inaccurate cross-section for Fazbear's Frights), and I think it's perfectly fine to play around in the universe and create a bunch of AUs and related concepts. Is there criticism to be had of the stories themselves? SURE. They're very weak on diversity, QUITE fatphobic at times, and some of them are unnecessarily ghoulish, though there's only so much disgust I can muster for undeserved child death in the child death series… NONE of them deserve it, even the ones that are mean to their siblings or too vain or whatever, and the fact that it's equally likely for any given story to end in brutal death or "wow I really learned my lesson!" is actually pretty fun. Reminds me of Goosebumps a bit (though I was never a huge fan. Too easily creeped. That was my brother's preferred ghostwritten series though, so I sampled here and there. I also somehow had my hands on a novelization of one of the Tales from the Crypt movies too, and that made a big impression).

I don't love that FF takes every fan theory and milks it, and I'm sure the process for actual production has some ethical problems based on everything I know about the industry. But I do firmly believe that a little body horror is good for the youths, and just making it a multiverse rather than sticking to any one canonical thread lets you have your animatronic rabbit and wear it too, as it were. I also kind of like the lower middle class vibe that the series has… There's very frequently a sense of economic desperation and cheap escapism that resonates so well with the games, and reminds me of how going to Chuck E Cheese truly was the marquee birthday activity of my youth (though I liked the arcade more than the animatronics as a wee millenial).

Part of my fondness for FF is just that I had 2 months during late quarantine where I would buy a copy of the next one I hadn't read while I was doing my weekly grocery/target run and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE OUTSIDE OF MY HOME, and I would read these very unchallenging short stories and be like "I liked that one! …I did NOT care for that one" and it was a little pumpkin full of meat to chew on in my cage. I stopped it pretty abruptly when the proof of Scott's Republican political donations came out (I mostly do not buy any new fnaf items now, though I have ended up doing it here and there, and I mostly class it on the scale of like, buying Overwatch microtransactions even though activision blizzard is a shitty abusive company or smth. Not a moral good, but not on a "funding a person actively involved in politically crushing trans people" level of problematic).

As for the stories themselves, I liked Into The Pit (it really reads like a reused movie script, but in a good way), Count The Ways (a friend of mine, iirc, did NOT like the two non-title stories in vol 1, but I have a soft spot for Funtime Freddy's villain era in that one, and Millie's safe and self-inflicted teenage self pity reads as an affectionate self-callout to me), Out of Stock (this one's just so CLASSIC kiddie horror and also a really good use of an otherwise forgettable part of canon), Room for One More (another good use of forgettable parts of canon, i think the series really shines when it clicks into stuff like that), Coming Home (the jewel of the series, and gets me in the Sixth Sense nostalgia too), Bunny Call (mostly forgettable obvious moral lesson story with a surprising twist of poignency in the middle and an iconic antagonist), The Man in Room 1280 (I wish this was better utilized in the game series, it feels like Security Breach juked around this concept for a much worse and dumber version, and also Andrew is my special little bastard child), and The Real Jake (a sweet, if maybe a bit maudlin, exporation of the deeper concepts in the lore that is solidly a cut above the average FF story, and i like the stitchwraith parts of the books too).

There's none that I have a huge hate-on for, though I thought 1:35 am in particular was VERY bad (I skimmed the last half). While it's notorious, to me, In The Flesh is just dorky, particularly fatphobic and I don't know how everyone is getting MatPat from it. Mat's persona is kind of smug, but not cruel and hateful towards women or a shitty friend (if anything, his peers speak SO warmly of him that makes me give him more credit than he deserves as a cc), and you'd think a real hit piece on him would involve... a theory. A G A M E theory. Okay, I did it the legally required time.

I stopped at Book #6 and i'm not sure if i'll ever go back. I just got a library card so maybe I'll get around to it the next time i'm sucked into the franchise, but for the most part, I'm dormant except for things I really adore about the series (Springtrap, the Funtimes, Afton Family Drama in general, nostalgia for the first few games, etc), so I can't muster up too many more opinions on middle reader books as a 34-year-old. Tales has no appeal to me even as a future "maybe if the fixation hits hard" option, because a bunch of satellite stories around a setting that couldn't muster a third act in the tentpole game is just. Sad.

[dalkyeom]

aw i missed the trick or treat event :((( was gonna say i dressed up as OA!chris AHAHAHHA

but anyway!! how are youuu my lovely chia?? i haven’t heard from you in agesss. i hope you’re doing well and that your halloween went great and you got loads of treats 🥰🥰

oh also… i have a scary story! so this actually happened to me and i remember it so clearly too.

so basically when i was younger, my brothers were obsessed with remote controlled cars (and so was i but my parents rarely bought me any :/ but not the point!). so there was this one… i guess it was a big jeep? maybe the size of a small cat. and it’s wheels would light up with blue lights whenever you drove it. my brother used to love that car a lot and played with it almost everyday until it sadly broke :( i think the remote controller fell maybe? it just stopped working.

anyway. so one night i was sitting alone in the living room, my brothers were upstairs, and my parents were at work (doctors on call lmao so you know they wouldn’t be back until the morning). i was just minding my own business when suddenly, that broken jeep that was sitting on the table suddenly made a sound, the wheels rolling with the blue lights. it was only for a second, nothing more. but it spooked me.

because a) the only remote control for that car was on the opposite end of the sofa i was sitting on. and b) i’m pretty sure dad mentioned how the car ran out of battery earlier.

i wasn’t gonna sit and find out so i ran upstairs, heart beating super fast, and went to sleep with my brothers in our parents’ bedroom.

still don’t know why that happened. or how. but it’s a fun story to tell!

Ti-cup beloveddd it’s been so long 🥺💖 hello hellaaaur! I’m so glad to see you again! Been tucked away in the folds of caratblr atm (while juggling school projects so I’ve been on-off) and halloween was pretty chill! It was raining so I didn’t go outside 😂 but my place had a small ToT event for the kids but idk if any of them went outside

Hoping your halloween went well too and AGHSHD— OA!CHRIS 😭 my boy, my boy. I have to catch up with your series when I can I’m still not over the last update I bookmarked which was the one where Hyunlix saved that one family in the building 🥺 (also missing how you write your Chris so well 😔 his nuances!)

AMG HELPPP!! It’s always the little stuff that’s like really spooky 😭 the ones that are like you blink and it’s gone so you’re like sitting there all creeped out. Wonder if it ever did that again bc that’s creepy 😭😭😭 would do the same but also might end up having a staring contest with the object bc uhm— 😳 what compelled you?! In my supervision?

Idk if I ever experienced something like that 😭 most of my ghost stories come from secondhand retellings from my relatives (my aunt’s house is pretty haunted and my dad’s childhood home also had disembodied footsteps on the second floor)

the closest personal experience I had tl;dr version was someone wailing outside my classroom during math class. It was pretty loud so we thought it was a lost kid but when we checked no one was outside (and the wailing was still there. It was like you can hear someone crying bc it was loud) so we all huddled and prayed. The moment we finished, the crying stopped so it was vv weird 😭

[theygender]

Hmm I really want to play Origins and DA2 and I'm thinking of buying them right now but as a side note I just found out that the only romanceable option for me in Origins would be Leliana and after already playing Inquisition, dating Leliana feels... weird lol

[payaquo]

huge thanks to my literature teacher for reigniting my IZ obsession from the 2nd grade. Only this time I have access to the internet.

Also mini rant: is there anyone else who gets massive secondhand embarrassment from when any of the zadr shit interacts with the voice actors? Like I said, I’m only now discovering a bunch of invader zim stuff on the internet and I saw a video where someone asks Dib’s VA to say “I love you Zim” with a bunch of fangirls squealing in the background. Idk man, I don’t wanna hate ZADR bc I have to admit some of the fan content for it is cute, but I’ve also never gotten that vibe of shipping those two from the show, since the show itself is very “anti fandom” to me yk? It doesn’t really promote a bunch of shipping fuel and wholesome moments that’s why.

One instance that made me wanna bash my head against the wall was where the VA’s were reading the scripts for unfinished episodes in a panel, and all you could hear was “awwwww” in the crowd and YOU COULD SEE THE VOICE ACTORS KINDA CONFUSED BY IT but not really? It was just incessant squealing and awwing all the time I was lowkey weirded out. I don’t wanna judge but jesus christ. And apparently jhonen was disappointed by it too, but although it’s sad seeing jhonen what fandom and fame does to how a show’s perceived, its also kinda funny.

I think what makes me so uncomfortable and kinda embarrassed is how visibly disconnected and confused the creator and voice actors are. Other creators, like Rebecca sugar or Dana Terrace or Alex Hirsch, all are knowledgeable with fandom shenanigans and atrocities. The capability of fans and how fucked up some people are. So they seem at ease and fine. Meanwhile these much older (let’s admit) people who helped create this very unique show that should be received and appreciated for its art and gross sarcastic humor, is getting the same treatment as other more modern and similar in tone shows.

No hate to anybody, it’s just interesting. I would reallly like to hear what somebody like andy berman thinks of this. Is this weird or embarrassing? Do you understand what’s going on through these fangirls’ minds? Or do you think you’re involved in something so bizarre, you’ll never get the hype?

[cricktoon]

Orko things I would include if I had my way with a show:

-Random laugh/applause tracks that show up when he makes a joke or succeeds at a spell. They have to sound like they were recorded in the 50’s and are super outdated. It only ever happens with him. It’s not clear if anyone else can hear it until Skeletor points it out “WHAT IS THAT NOISE. CAN ANYONE ELSE HEAR THAT”

-Asking him for random objects. “Orko, you have something for this?” He pulls out several things out of his sleeves/hat before the perfect tool shows up. Similar to that scene in 200x where he’s trying to find the power sword.

-Running gag where Beast Man and Trap Jaw are absolutely terrified of him, referencing Orko’s return where he got captured and he fucked them over so badly that they wanted nothing to do with him. And also that Skeletor is really pissed every time they do get scared of him. Also, the occasional implication that he could blow up half the world if he had a mind to and there was nothing stopping him.

-Visual gags that break the fourth wall and are also eventually addressed. For example, Orko holds up a sign that says “‘nuff said!” At the end of an episode, referencing classic comic books. Someone comes up to him like “why are you holding that? What does that mean? Who are you looking at?” Also- he sometimes talks to the audience that only he can see. “Who are you talking to??” This is only referenced after he does it several times, like the applause/laugh tracks. Sometimes the others look at the ‘camera’ and back to Orko like they’re trying to see what he sees.

-Orko is predominantly the one to give lessons at the end of the show. We all love him in the original series but I think we can all agree he would have been written better if he wasn’t constantly the subject of the lesson. Since it’s a running theme in my canon that Orko is the only one who can see the audience, I think it would work well that way.

-Continuing from my last point, Orko would make mistakes and have his spells mess up, but also generally not embarrass himself so often that it becomes… idk, sad? Obviously part of his character is to show it’s okay to mess up because people will still love you, and that will always be a part of his character and who he is, but also some of the plots in the original show and 200x were just downright cruel to him. No more secondhand embarrassment!!!! Society has evolved past the need for secondhand embarrassment!!!!!!!

-Orko having a lot of expertise in other areas other than magic. Let him make potions. Let him do weird alchemy.

I have a lot more ideas but I’ll add em on here as soon as I can get my words together!!

[tripleaxeldiaz]

so my best friend is getting married in august and her bachelorette weekend is memorial day weekend in miami. and i’m so excited to party with everyone, but i’m missing my cousin’s wedding to be there. which i’d normally be okay with — we aren’t super close, it was a very quick engagement, and i already bought my plane tickets — but i’m like severely bummed about it because this is likely one of the last truly croatian weddings that i’m going to be invited to. we used to go to at least 2 every year because my grandma knows the entire croatian diaspora in northeastern ohio, but all of those people are married now obviously, and the people who are next up to get married like my sister and my other cousins aren’t going to be having full big traditional croatian weddings, either because their spouses aren’t croatian and it’s easier to just do an american wedding, or because they just don’t want to.

and i’ve always had a weird relationship with my heritage because i’m very attached to it and very proud of it, but i’m also not really immersed in the culture like some of my relatives because it was just not something my mom forced on us when we were kids. we didn’t go to the croatian church downtown, we didn’t do tamburitza, everything we knew was mostly secondhand or from what we got from weddings. and like it wasn’t my mom’s job to put that on us, it wasn’t really her culture either— she was first generation american, born and raised here after my grandparents came over. but idk i’ve felt like i wasn’t able to really take ownership of being croatian sometimes because like i am but also i’m not. ethnically i am but culturally i’m not, and having to differentiate between the two made me feel weirdly shameful. but weddings have always made me feel closer to my family and closer to my heritage and like it was more tangible, and not getting a chance to dance and hear the music and eat the food hurts my heart a little bit

[vegan-kaktus]

5 things that makes you happy!

I was tagged by @sabrinassims, @claudettesims, @curiousb and @grilledcheese-aspiration! :-D thank you! these are in no particular order btw B)

1. I recently managed to get my hands on a hasseblad 503cx from 1988 in great condition! It has only taken 4 film rolls and there's not a single scratch on it. I got it for a really great price as well, with original instruction manuals and boxes in great shape. my dad convinced me to buy it (since tbh, when will I ever get such a good deal again?) so I did - and now I'm poor, but very happy! and I don't even have a job...

2. the sea I wished for! I love the main cast and I really like the atmosphere so far (apart from the not-so-vegan scenes). I got to hear Jinki sing a bit of replay by kim dong ryul and the road to me by sung si kyung so now I can die happy ( ´༎ຶㅂ༎ຶ`)b

3. my mom's brother's dog, Ellen. she's unfortunately not alive anymore and I miss her a lot, but thinking of her makes me happy.

4. drawing! or at least, it used to make me happy. now I haven't really drawn since years ago. I hope I can pick it up again someday :-)

5. idk what to write here haha, but I ate waffles with ice cream and chocolate sauce today ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it was good.

3 facts about yourself

I also got tagged by @hemfbg, so I'll throw it in here as well :-D (thank you for tagging me!)

1. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life.

2. I'm addicted to tradera (online secondhand, kind of like Sweden's ebay). I was so surprised when I found a casette from kim gun mo on tradera! I bought it for like 70kr :-D

3. I'm kind of dumb* in general, tbh. I have a hard time grasping/understanding when someone is trying to explain something to me (even if it is very simple) and I often make weird connections in my head. text is sometimes easier for me to understand since I can re-read it but often it just sounds like gibberish to me.

this does not mean that I think you're dumb if you have problems understanding stuff! not at all :-)

I don't know who has and hasn't done these tags yet, but if you see this and want to do it - please consider yourself tagged by me! :-D

[faebriel]

ok ok I'm insane and couldn't pick one so have two (no need to answer both if you don't want to)

“You talk to him.” Not kindly, but he does.

“I’m used to him,” he shoots back. “I’m the only person who is.”

That makes Niki feel something, some uncomfortable tug in her chest. She mentally kicks herself. It’s not jealousy, she reminds herself, because despite the near-cliff jumping and the long nights without food and the nuclear fallout that has punctuated her last few months, being jealous of Tommy would be the least reasonable thing she’s allowed herself to be, maybe ever.

“You don’t believe me,” Tommy says flatly. “You never - eugh.” He cuts himself off with another ragged sigh, running a hand down his face. “Look, Niki, it’s - we were all together in Pogtopia, right? But I was there first. With him. And you didn’t see the start of it, it was horrible, and I’m glad no one else saw the beginning of it either but it was still just so shit and he kept saying all these terrible things about Tubbo and Fundy and you and,” he takes a shaky breath, “then, when I died, I saw him.”

Her breath catches in her throat.

Well, the voice in the back of her head whistles. If you were still wondering about all this afterlife bullshit, if you want to know where you’re going after your third life, here you go.

and

“You didn’t even - this isn’t about L’Manberg, Wilbur!” Niki shouts.

And then he stops, breathing hard, and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say.

“What else is there?” he asks.

Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut, her chest, her shoulders, chilled down to the bone. With slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes, sitting in her throat, threatening to spill over into a sob. She swallows - to keep her cool, to stay calm, to keep it together -

And then, something in her chest just snaps.

“You said you’d come back for me!” she cries, and her voice hitches on the lump of tears at the back of her throat and god, she sounds absolutely pathetic. Wilbur’s face softens immediately, which somehow just makes her feel even worse. “In Manberg. When Schlatt put me in prison, and you and Tommy were in Pogtopia, you said you’d break me out when it was safe. I waited for weeks , Wilbur. It was… it was horrible.”

“Niki…” a kaleidoscope of emotions flicker across his face, and he seems unsure which to settle on. “We got you out though, right? After the festival.”

“You looked for the button first,” she says quietly, and he stills.

Her sniffling sounds embarrassingly loud against the quiet background of night.

thank you sm!!! i’m gonna put these under the cut because they got a little long sorry (tw for discussion of suicidal ideation)

to preface: tommy is kind of the accidental but incredibly necessary invisible support beam for niki and wilbur’s making amends in bitter. niki cannot accept wilbur’s actions and apology without first acknowledging her own actions and making steps towards an apology, because otherwise it kind of falls flat? in that ending scene niki finally gets what wilbur is feeling and wilbur finally gets that someone else knows how he feels (it’s not perfect 100% yet, but…. that’ll get explored later)

onto the actual snippet! “tommy talks to wilbur - not kindly, but he does” was very important to me! tommy has stuck by wilbur ever since pogtopia, but the tragedy is that he is not equipped to deal with wilbur’s issues, and it shows. wilbur’s first stream after revival depicts this really clearly, where tommy tails wilbur around the whole time but insults him, is still stuck on calling him the villain, physically fights him at some point, etc. on one hand this isn’t healthy but on the other hand tommy is actually around, which is more than can be said for basically any other ally wilbur has had on the dsmp, maybe excluding his dad, who literally killed him lmfao.

this whole issue is exacerbated by the fact that tommy believes that he is the only person who properly understands wilbur, the only person who gets what happened to him, and feels like wilbur is generally his burden to bear. he failed to stop wilbur from both 1. hurting other people and 2. killing himself after the pogtopia-manberg war - and he doesn’t trust wilbur not to do either of those things again, so he’s stuck hovering around wilbur while wilbur is inadvertently setting off his own trauma and feeling responsible for any way he might fuck up and hating that but not wanting to leave. tommy’s memory isn’t perfect and he isn’t a perfect narrator, what he remembers from pogtopia the most were the scariest parts and that’s understandable but it means he’s holding wilbur to the worst expectations of behaviour (and he does so very vocally). the others showed up later, sure, but in tommy’s eyes he’s the only one who saw wilbur’s descent, and by the time they showed up wilbur had already changed irreversably. tommy tries to rationalise this by splitting the ‘different wilburs’ apart from each other in his head (he does this in canon too - there’s one quote from like late 2020 where he says he and tubbo need to keep on going for who wilbur used to be, not who he became, even though they’re,, the same person), and no one challenges that perspective, so he just keeps doing it even though it’s not healthy for him or wilbur.

and then limbo happened and, oh geez, THAT didn’t help jhfaskjjfsa

tommy is on a bit of a knife edge with niki in this fic. niki’s in this state of “ok, he’s annoying whatever, i’m moving on”, but all tommy knows is that she tried to kill him that one time, disappeared off the face of the map, joined a book club with two people who definitely do not like him, and now is just acting weirdly mellow and polite. she is not someone he wants near wilbur bc what the fuck is she gonna do? what is he gonna do? who knows. he’s frustrated that niki doesn’t seem to acknowledge how he’s feeling (especially bc once upon a time she would have been someone he trusted to acknowledge them - they were friends, they fought together) and he’s taking a big step by telling someone about his concerns here, especially bc tommy doesn’t really like talking about them at all. he wouldn’t be saying absolutely anything to niki if he didn’t truly believe she should stay away from wilbur, even if he’s wrong about him. (sometimes i think i write tommy as a little too emotionally mature here but it all goes out the window when wilbur’s brought up. idk if that balances it out)

ok onto niki: this is the first she has actually heard of limbo! she’s only just come around to the fact that resurrection is possible at all. death is kind of a touchy subject for niki both in general and re: wilbur in the fic - she’s coming off of a period in her life where suicidal ideation was, uh, a big thing (whether you want to read that into canon or not is subjective, that’s just the angle i went with in this fic). the sudden existence of a life after death, miserable as it is - and whether she really believes in such a place, when it only exists in tommy and wilbur’s words - that is a lot of information for her to absorb all at once. death is a weird connection point for tommy and niki here, coming right off of the fact that they’ve just acknowledged each other having those problems - tommy, out of, yknow, altruism, would very much like to keep niki out of that place, and niki is quietly reckoning with the fact that that is where she would have sent him. the concept of limbo from the perspective of a character with no experience of it, even secondhand, is so interesting to me like what kind of eldritch location would you feel like you’re living in asghjkl

(also - i gotta be honest the jealousy angle here but mostly when she’s talking later about dream not deserving wilbur’s companionship kinda came out after this post came across my dash while writing. whoops /j)

-

fun fact, this is the very first snippet of bitter that i ever wrote! all the way back in may!! this is like the moment of the fic - it's where the miscommunication that niki and wilbur have been having is shattered entirely - and so sticking the landing was uhhh kinda important to me lol.

wilbur's entire being in this fic is basically consumed by L'Manberg - he equates his self worth to it entirely. in his eyes, everyone (rightfully) hates him because of what he did to L'Manberg, because L'Manberg was corrupted and he himself with it, etc. niki tries to tell herself this, and while it definitely does form part of her issues with him, it was the betrayal that causes her this much pain - that he seemingly brushed her and their friendship off entirely when he supposedly left her for dead in manberg. because here is what we as the audience know: wilbur couldn’t leave niki in trouble when he heard her life was in danger, even when he was trying to find the button (pretty much the only thing he sees himself as having left at this point) and so he returned. here is what it looks like from niki’s perspective: wilbur told her to wait in manberg until it was safe to come to pogtopia, laid the place with TNT, went to blow up the place, and only returned when he couldn’t find the detonator (and then the first thing she saw him do in pogtopia was encourage the pit behaviour but that’s not what we’re talking about asdfgh). that is massive miscommunication and it’s been brewing between them for months - to make a quirky little reference to the title, niki has been carrying that anger with her so long it's gone bitter. it was never just about l’manberg with niki - not that anger, not her and wilbur’s friendship (hence the little flashback earlier in the fic, bc niki’s relationship to anarchism and statehood or statelessness juxtaposed with her friendships with wilbur and eret - she loves l’manberg bc she loves wilbur, but she loves eret too and those national ties don’t undermine that - is Real Interesting to me) - so when wilbur asks what else there could possibly be (because in his mind, what else could she have bothered staying around for?), she just fucking breaks.

“Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut...with slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes” - prose discussion time! heat and cold are two big throughlines in this fic - particularly for niki, cold is what she is. admittedly when i started with it i mostly wanted to subvert hot = angry and cold = dead but i kinda ended up enjoying this take on it for what it is instead of just as a subversion (also i like the idea of revived people running hot, their bodies r working hard to keep em going). she’s holding onto her feelings and refusing to deal with them, she’s frozen over. descriptions of cold are key to niki’s mental state throughout the fic - cold weight on her chest, feelings of frostbite when she and wilbur hug the first time, ice cold water during the dinner scene, waking up in the cold flat, etc. this was an attempt at describing a more visceral feeling of like, when you’re really mad and you can just feel the adrenaline running through your veins. always felt more cold than hot to me. when she starts to cry, the facade she’s been putting on is finally thawing out and cracking the ice she’s buried her feelings under. (also gives an excuse to write warm comforting hugs towards the end /hj). it’s a loss, it’s catharsis, it’s a whole mess.

and ofc this is all news to wilbur and he feels terrible, because as unintentional as it was, he really really hurt her - because the destruction of l’manberg fucking sucked but above all else wilbur hurt the people he loved because they loved him so much and not in spite of it, because they cared about him so deeply and his death was a massive blow to them. this hasn’t even dawned on him, because how could it? he respects deeply niki (lowkey respects her opinion more than his own at this point) so he has to listen, because it’s niki (“and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say” - because he does), and what she says fucking floors him. in his eyes, he failed her by putting her in danger and then by destroying her home - the idea that she valued him and their friendship so much flies entirely over his head until this moment, and he is forced to re-evaluate the mindset that has motivated him since… basically since pogtopia! the way i write wilbur is like… yes, he’s one of niki’s closest friends and he’s more aware of her insecurities and issues than most (which is why he does always take the time to listen to her, etc) but he does over-idealise her a bit. tbf, i think he does to some extent with everyone (calling tubbo strong on the anniversary stream, for example). also the fact that he really wasn’t around for niki’s lowest moments as a character! he still thinks of her the way she was in l’manberg - confident, steadfast, respected - and this moment shatters that for him as he realises exactly what effect he and his death had on her and everyone else, not just by his actions, but because they loved him and cared for him so deeply.

sorry that this got horrifically long!! and thank you so much for sending snippets in <3333

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[carcinized]

uh hey sorry you don’t have to answer this but how do you know if you are disassociating? -statdYst

uhhh i dont know if theres a surefire way but i can describe it to you + link some things!!

warnings for discussion of dissociation/derealization/depersonalisation under the cut!! stay safe ^_^

keep in mind that this is only MY knowledge and MY experience, written by someone with chronic (near constant) dissociation & derealisation plus occasional episodes of depersonalisation!! i know a lot but im not an expert ahaahah

okay so theres basically three main types of dissociation to my knowledge, mainly Dissociation™, derealisation, and depersonalization.

Dissociation™ is basically just being on autopilot and not being able to get off it, spacing out, no thoughts head empty, feeling far away, etc. it's basically your brain's natural response to trauma, and its actually really nice when you're in the middle of a bad moment. that feeling you get when someone's yelling at you where it feels secondhand kinda? and far away and weirdly emotionless? THATS dissociation. it's just a general disconnection from reality/yourself, and it's only bad when it's prolonged.

derealisation is basically when the world AROUND you doesn't feel real. for me personally it changes from a simple "nothing feels real and i'm floating through empty space" while also seeing things in front of me and responding on autopilot (its hard to explain 😭) but ranges to the more extreme things such as "i'm living in a simulation" "this is all a dream" "i'm in a coma dreaming i need to wake up NOW" "i'm alone in the universe and this is all fake only i am real" "i'm dead this is the afterlife" ETC ETC ETC. you get it basically anytime your brain is telling you your reality around you is not.... your reality.

then depersonalisation is when YOU don't feel real. examples of this are looking in the mirror and not recognizing yourself, feeling like a spectator of the world around you (for me personally, it gets bad enough that i'll talk to myself and be surprised when people hear me. because i forget i and my talking are real), feeling like you're not real but everything else IS (similar to the last one), etc etc etc i havent experienced this one as much so i dont have as many examples oops.

but yeah if you see yourself in any of those things yeah youre probably dissociating or derealised or depersonalised!! other symptoms/signs of general dissociation but sometimes the other stuff can be:

being forgetful/not knowing where you are/that type of thing

lighting!! feeling wrong!! like that feeling when you walk inside from the sunny outdoors and everything is b r i g h t and you can still see but also what the fuck why is it so bright

looking like when a camera doest adjust right? and its weirdly dark? yeah thats dissociation a lot of the time

blurry/unfocused vision

i dont know if this is just a me thing but auditory processing issues + just worse hearing in general?

i'll fuck up taste too when it's especially bad. i've had mint gum taste like so many things ranging from bubblegum to peanut butter and i'm pretty sure it's a dissociation thing because dissociation is basically just your brain logging information in wrong

general weird sensory stuff. idk

the need to check double check triple check EVERYTHING. before i go to any class every day i ask my friends "what day of the week is it, what period is it, what's my schedule" and STILL dont feel like i'm in the right class when i get there.

thats all kinda. ive lived with this for years and if youre just getting it now you probably dont have a lot of the specifics ive named PLUS theres definitely more and im not an expert BUT heres a couple dodie videos that super helped me figure stuff out when i was first trying to understand what was wrong with me? [x] [x] [x]

[xostrawberry-milkyox]

It was just weird to me because Hawks is nosy but he knows how to read the room. I would have been happier if he and BJ popped in after the family left so there’d be less awkwardness lol it’s my secondhand embarrassment. But it does have the important scene of Rei owning up to what she did and Shouto’s conflicted feelings which I liked a lot.

Well he does know how to read the room yes. But he was running around trying to gather information at the time and I think he and Jeanist whenever they came just didn't want to interrupt the family business. But ended up hearing all the drama while waiting for them to finish. Idk I guess I've just learned to accept that Hawks is nosy.

He also seemed to be in a rushed, you know cause he's "too fast for his own good", so he was probably trying to get in and out as fast as he could. That's just the way he is. Which we also see when he saw All Might and immediately started asking about Midoriya after being told about OFA from Endeavor.

Hawks just has to be fast all the way around but I agree that the scene was important to Rei's character and how Shouto felt.