#idk its just. a lot of feelings going on right now I guess
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DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER???? mine is eleven:)
#most of the time i dont really think about numbers too hard though.. three is just the most convenient for most things#i notice that whenever i add small details like sparkles i usually include at least one group of three and then one and two respectively#idk what it is it just feels right i guess.. u see the number three in a lot of things now that i think abt it#whenever im asked to pick a prize in a game its usually out of a choice of three.. i always bring three things with me when going out#my phone my keys and my mask.. and three is a good number for stuff like scoops of rice in my bowl or amount of things to narrow down#in a list... it just works#ask#answered#yapping#doodles#sona#puppysona
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#not to vague abt a particular niche of a fandom no one cares about BUT im losing my mind a bit#bc there's a ship that literally got me so invested that i read fanfiction for the 1st time. i adore them so much#i think their canon relationship is so fucking lovely and its bullshit what happened to them. if u kno u kno.#but now i go to ao3 and try to find fics and im like... yo y do these all fucking suck?#like i get it. no one has given a fuck abt this fandom since like the 2010s but i mean ive read lots of way better fics for waaaay#tinier fandoms. i guess thoses ppl just cared way more. no one gives enough of a fuck to write a good fic for these 2.#ugh. im probably just being a bitch. like is it bc its a heterosexual ship? is the bar really so low for writing straight relationships that#they have to b so fucking boring immediately???? like what the fuck is happening. i feel like im losing my mind#wheres the passion? where the dedication? wheres the willingness to die for eachother and fight side by side?#its all boring bullshit or weird self insert feeling smut. or maybe its me. maybe im the problem bc i refuse to read the fics that have#adultery and divorce in them bc im so in denial abt the ending of bleach that i cannot stand to even look at#the canon endgame ships. it makes me to angry. so yea maybe im the problem#i jus6 don't understand it. its the same for narut0 x s4suke fics. like????#did we watch the same show??? why tf r u writing them so weird and boring and wrong????#that one i them im right abt bc others have confirmed it. but idk abt these 2. my fucking original otp is cursed to toil away in bad#fanfiction. or maybe all the good fics r on ff dot net. but fuck if im gonna wade thru that hellsite#anyway. this is what u get when u get invested in terrible anime. i mean with peace and love it is my nostalgia show but like u kno#unrelated
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stuck in an endless cycle of being annoyed about some of the stuff that was in the trailer and then i see how excited other people are and start thinking "well maybe some of the stuff that upset me could go in a different direction than im expecting. and there was still some cool stuff in there. maybe im overreacting or jumping to conclusions" and then i remember what exactly i was annoyed about and start thinking maybe i was right the first time and then i just kind of feel sad thinking about how excited i was over the first two movies compared to how ive been feeling about the more recent movieverse content and then i get frustrated with how it feels like im not allowed to express these feelings and opinions with how defensive some movie fans get and dismiss all criticism as needless hate regardless of who its coming from or what theyre saying and then i go Okay im normal now . until im reminded of the movie again
#i feel like i should probably stop thinking about the movie but its kinda hard not to wiht how everywhere it is right now lol#it doesnt help that a lot of the stuff that stuck out as not so great to me are things casual sonic fans and the average movie watchers#or people who only like the movies and not the games probably wouldnt care about . so obviously thyere gonna be glossed over a lot#and a lot of people will think anyone whos concerned about those things is just being nitpicky and sonic fans hate everything etc#but honestly my initial anger over some parts has died down a lot im just feeling more . empty i guess. than anything#and also with the whole ''things could go in a different direction than you expect'' thing. yeah thats true. that could happen#but a lot of the stuff i didnt particularly like is just stuff that im inherently not a fan of . like sonic working with gun#its just such a weird writing choice even if it turns out they betray him or are lying to him or something#and also some of the more optimistic takes im seeing are just . idk guys.#i dont think that actor who is already confirmed to be playing a human is secretly voicing rouge#i dont think gun is gonna be portrayed as evil for killing maria when we already know gun was formed AFTER maria died in this universe#sorry .#and this isnt even getting into issues with some of the people involved with the movie
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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wait actually this one post makes a good point i wish there was actually tags to separate between hsr and hi3 bronseele and on that note actually any of the overlapping characters alskdjfha but the search engine sucks ass on this website so you'll always have overlap either way i think :I
#LIKE !!!!! OK!!!!!! I DO REALLY LIKE BRONSEELE!!!!! BUT ALSO!!!!!! I LIKE HI3 BRONSEELE AND WISH TO LOOK AT STUFF FOR THEM NOT HSR!!!!!!!!!#whhhh i was running into the same problem with cocolia before too T _ T#and its fINE because i saw some servalia while doing so but whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh T _ T come onnnnnnnnnn i just wanna look at hi3 stuuuuuuffff#ok maybe this is also like. the worlds sign for me to STOP JUMPING INTO THE TAGS INSTEAD OF PLAYING THE GAME AND STOP SPOILING YOURSELF#but T _ T#i could also just go bother my friends as well about hi3 but i also dont wanna be a bother#... so i decide to. bother? everyone???? by posting????#illogical.#IT IS DISTRIBUTED ANNOYANCE#anyways point is: i like bronseele's dynamic a lot in hi3#it actually made me appreciate the bronseele dynamic more in hsr bc i can see where it takes inspiration from#though i feel that the dynamic got switched around for hsr bronseele#but ill spare talking about that LAKSJDFALKSH#snow plays hi3#i /guess/ im starting a tag on that its fine lmao#anyways if anyones interested i have plans to finish ch 11 and 11 ex tonight.#'but snow thats like 3 hours long and its near bed time' listen i am on a mission. the only thing stopping me right now is the fact that#i told myself i should finish reviewing (but am Very distracted)#and the fact that the game Also is like 'girl you need to STOP YOURE OUT OF STAMINA'#watch me down all these energy drinks (idk what they are) THEN TELL ME I NEED TO STOP#besides i had a pretty good day re: studying today and ive been doing good with my questions ^u^#so im bout to beat the holy shit out of this exam. whether the exam likes it or not i Will Eviscerate You.#that and i need to recuperate because I was burned out pretty bad today but when i came back from getting lost (wandering around) for like#hours i did fine so weehee#break day and then we'll be in the long haul till tuesday myeheh
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh#💭
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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Decided I would fix my sleep schedule the same day...I downloaded Baldurs Gate 3
seeing as it is right now 6am-yeah that hasn't worked now has it
#txts#always right before i gotta go back to work#super annoying#well...got like....half a sunday left#half bc...i do need to sleep sometime actually#my goal was 2am but then i was at the spider boss#and then i took care not to agitate or kill any goblns but guess i gotta anyway bc i dont want the tiefs or druids to die#couldnt shittalk my way out w/ the drow so i killed her which means its now slaughter time ig#they sadly all have names so it feels personal which ouch#also a bear killed a child#fucked up#i say a bear to stay spoiler free for a game that had early access for 2 years#idk how far that went tho#anyhow my brain is tired and seeing as in big red dudes room they got wardrums#i am planning out on how to free the spiders asap and just storm everything#gotta check out priestess first tho#or if i could avoid all this by freeing the imprisoned goblin#much to think about#my braincells....are....so low#a LOT has happened in game#so i'll nap and then go back t the last hours of joy till october...aka next vaction time
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Kind of feeling like I'm going to have an ed relapse purely because my body hurts too much at this weight and I'm so frustrated. I either cry or hold back from crying every day and I just don't know, I thought this would get better but I kinda just keep ignoring it and I don't have the energy to ignore it anymore
#also the stress from it and from just everything is making me so anxious i just cant eat#i dont want to eat not because i want to lose weight but just because it would feel like opening a bag of potato chips at a funeral#hopefully that analogy makes sense because im not sure how else to explain it. its just like. eating would be wrong right now#i feel like 'i want to leave/go home' but im already always at home and i just sjdkfjdg#brain scrampled egg#it hurts so much and i feel like no one is taking it seriously#its just a lot and idk what to do#i dont want to go back but i dont think i can keep doing this#even my coping mechanisms are stressful#theres nothing that ISN'T stressful#like i dare you to tell me something that isnt stressful because i cant think of anything#actually i guess watching the owl house isnt stressful. its a lil stressful if other people are around but otherwise no
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#looking at the notes ppl in the lab let me on my birthday card. it seems ppl think i should chill the fuck out lmao#a lot were like RELAX!!! and ya kno objectively theyre right but i refuse to listen bc theres something wrong in my head#sigh. i survived the day at least. the timed measurements r done on this experiment. thank christ. and my birthday gathering as so#i dont kno. it was kinda funny and kinda sad i guess. bc i knew it was gonna happen and i didnt want it to but i was like fine. ill meet#at 4. and i expected it to b in the conference room but they set up outside the lab around the corner. so they did kinda surprise me#location wise i guess. i cant imagine what expression i was making. it felt like a pained smile but idk. i had to go back to take#measurements every 4min so i was standing there with a plate full of ice creame cake. kinda away from everyone while they talked. staring#at my phone timer as it ticked down and abruptly leaving when i had to log a measurement. i was basically a non entity while there. which#was kinda idea bc i have too much hurt inside to talk to ppl right now. as evidence by my phone call with my parents when i got home. im#just kinda a bummer to exist around rn. idk maybe i should apologize to my boss bc i kno im not an easy person to do things for#and i really do appreciate the effort. its just hard when i kno how much stress its going to cause me for someone to attempt to do#something they think will b nice. so idk i just feel bad. but its over. and idk what ill do tomorrow. i should do stuff for when i move#like my dad was like: u should prioritize ur future stuff. and hes objectively right. they think i should get a studio apartment which#would b expensive as fuck but i will destroy myself if i have roommates. idk. theres lots still to do bc i have to get a ton of data#processed by the end of the week bc i have 8 days of measurement on another project that needs to get done by may 14th when i leave for#vacation. which my mom was like did u buy ur tickets for next month and i was like. hm how do i ask where im supposed to buy tickets to#without giving away that i dont kno what ur talking abt? bc apparently im going to a wedding? wtf do i wear to a wedding?#idk. i guess im just kinda sad bc this month has been really hard. i made it hard for no reason bc theres something wrong in my head and#that hurt has nowhere to go bc i cant even give anyone an honest account of how awful it was bc its like what r they gonna do abt it?#anything i say is just worrying bc i cant seem to stop myself who whats the point in talking abt it. but idk humans r social creatures so#when im in pain at least part of me wants someone to brush my hair and acknowledge my pain and tell me itll b ok#but idk. the idea of that happening is different from the reality where i seem to opperate at a different frequency to other people. we#just dont seem to properly connect. idk. idk what ill do tomorrow. im afraid to loosen my grip on my schedule bc i might fall to piece#pieces without the pressure. well see. lets home my 26th year is better than my 25th was. bc last year sucked#hope* lets hope that was my low point. bc that was not a fun time and im worry to take account of thr damage done#unrelated
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i made preliminary plans to put my horse down in january today:( idk why im making this post i just want everyone to know about hippu and that she exists.
im so tortured whether its the right decision or not and whatever i mightve done wrong or not good enoug or if i should try something else and if the only person (the stable owner) i can discuss it with is right or not and its just way too much to explain lol
i feel bad about january too, because hippu was born during the summer, so to make plans to say goodbye to her during the coldest time of the year in the middle of the winter makes me feel sad. i wouldve at least wanted for her to go during the summer. but i suppose that only matters to me
heres some pictures i took of her today when i was keeping her company while she worried whether her buddy will also come in to the stable or not.
she looks so scruffy because shes changing into her winter coat. i called over to her and she looked directly at me and looked goofy.
shes my first horse and she will be my last horse too. someone laughed today when i said that (”thats what they all say, you always get a new horse”) but i know its true: its just too much money and time i dont have because im always so sick for no reason, its not even that i dont like horses or cant see myself loving a different horse as much, just the bleak reality im afraid.
once i wanted to be a pro equestrian, now were here, feels funny to think about.
#animal death cw - i guess. i dont know how content warning tagging works on tumblr anymore lol#for some reason my 2nd PC screen is on its last legs too and flickering etc lol#actually my life is going so much downhill. i dont even know what to say about hippu because i dont have anyone to talk to about her.#i dont know a lot of horse people and none i could talk about this and idk..ask for a different opinion or something. oh well.#im trying to make jokes right now but i barely even have the energy for that. im just really sad.#i genuinely feel like all ive done for the past month or something is cry and lately ive cried for hours every day. TMI lore about me lol#its just exhausting and theres nothing i can do about any of it. ahh... having issues with brain and money sucks so much what else can i say
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So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this
#laid out all my sketches i needed.. updated my carrd projects list... finalized art piece.. sketched concept.. studied from art book#fucking insane. insane. so scary so scary.#like idk it is so weird i think being depressed mustve made my adhd so much worse ?? i couldve never done this before#everything is still hard and i have to genuinely push and will myself to even attempt working on anything but like#i have enough will to win and start ? i dont lose my focus as much when im in it and if i do i know to take a break bc im understimulated?#i still forget basic things and to do things a lot but i dont catastrophize about it as much i get upset and then just fix it..#its so weird did i just fucking learn to self regulate??? is that what i was missing this whole time ???????#u get punished for like lacking focus and self regulation and have a defeatist mindset bc doing anything = punishment#but then you break through that fear and just throw yourself in and make yourself do things and u can work WITH the adhd????#my parents fucking scammed me bro imagine if i had been raised and like helped instead of called worthless for everytime i fuck up#WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS AT ALMOST 19. STUPID STUPID STUPID#even my old therapists.. oh you have adhd maybe if you just change your diet you will function WOWWW SOOO HELPFUL#HOW DOES THAT HELP ME LEARN TO BE AWARE OF MY SELF AND NEEDS AND REGULATE THEM TO WORK WITH MY MENTAL HANDICAPS HUH. QUICKLY#stupid... i hate every adult in the world you are all useless and do nothing <- is an adult#its so crazy 2 me to function even a little... i guess i learned easily finally bc i self analyze way too much sometimes#but like i genuinely for years predicted id just like. go right back to being majorly suicidal or something in college#bc i could barely handle highschool or getting assignments done#now im meeting deadlines on the reg... like idk. i think it is such a rare and strange and kind of sick feeling#to know like young you would look at you and be surprised or shocked . and its so sad bc like idk.#its like oh i never believed in myself huh. or believed i could have a place in the world and function and be alright#and then u have to grieve all the time you spent never trying bc u didnt think trying without failing was possible like what the hell!!!#crazy...#the gamer speaks uwu
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13 yr old me didn't know much or have much going for her but I'm really glad about my username decision to this day
#miranda talking shit#I took it from an mascot to an YouTube show i used to watch bc now its just ... Its-a-me#The two o's are very important though. Ive tried with only one but its just not the same#Plus actually an good way to express my bi-gender/gebderfluid feelings#Since i go with my usual name miranda it feels nice to have an 'mr' in my online names#Ive tried some different things through the years and my og/alternative is fine like my name backwards and then my birthyear#But its kinda simple and not very fun so 80% of the time i use mrfoox and its good#Having people say it though makes me laugh. In my head idk how i want it to be said but i never imagined it as its written#So having people refere to me by voice as 'mr-fuux' more or less has made me laugh a lot#Plus its ... The right amount of letters imo. 5-7 letters to usernames is the best#Mainly bc i have an easier time to remember them myself#Kinda suprised i dont have an overly embarrassing first username online but very happy its nice to use the same thing still and not have to#Explain it with tears in my eyes. Aaaand keeps people guessing. Bc unless i speak i am an guy to anyone online#So unless i speak i can avoid creepy dudes in online games easily
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Hi, sorry, its been literally 4 months since QuintonReviews put out the Beverly Hillbillys video of all time and i'm still not over the fact that all upperclass people from urban areas were apparently so unaware of crayfish that no one knowing What They Were could b A Running Joke for like Half the Series???? How? How??? Ive never Met a person who doesnt know a crayfish. My moms from Minneapolis and she regularly went to catch crayfish in streams n creeks! Its genuinely my favorite joke I'm absolutely elated at the notion 😭🤣🤣
#crawfish#crayfish#or th most correct#crawdad#beverly hillbillies#quintonreviews#to be clear what i adore about the joke#is that is Very Clearly a “fuckin rich people bro” joke#that is just so. sweet? idk how to describe it#like. if ur not upperclass and u didnt kno what a crawfish is. u could probably come to a pretty reasonable guess based on the name#but u really could imagine a rich person just not bothering#ESPECIALLY if they were hearing it said by some whack job lower class cretans they conside the hillbillies to b#oh btw my second favorite thing#as someone from the south east coast. who feels Very Confident that the hillbillies were most likely from north ga or thereabouts#is granny's random ingredient lists#Because Its So Fun hearing the ones i kno!!!!#the ep about the pawpaw? granny asks for pokeberries n possumhaw a lot#gang. if u aint got a professional like granny on ur hands. DO NOT go around lookin for pokeberries to just pop right in ur mouth#that shit requires mad specific prep before it becomes nontoxic#also just all the other beautiful deeply relatable back-wood-isms#like. i kno chitlins r a southern “thing” but most northerners have seen em around before right..?#ough there was one turn of phrase they kept usin that nobody understood#that was so normal to me i didnt even kno it was a back-woods-ism but now i cant remember it for the life of me 😭😭#hmmm does appalachia have bogs..?#personal#random#just had to put this out there
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yap sesh in the tags ! <3 nothing new im just frustrated abt my disordered sleep schedule as always . woke up at 5 pm and i will probably be failing my All Dayer and going to sleep shortly At 8 am and then sleeping for 1 billion years
#text#it feels like shit all the time bc it affects Everything Else#i dont get to interact with Real People very much . i dont get any sunlight . i feel weak and sick and gross all the time#i often barely eat at all the whole time im awake bc i just dont get hungry#n i cant rlly get up during the night anyways cause i risk gettin in trouble or waking up the dogs n getting them all riled up#more often than not i will eat. just toast or cereal cause i miss dinner and then thats it all the time im awake#oh also i can barely keep track of time anymore ! i noticed this months ago but like#i only know sundays bc i hear my mom wake uo n get ready for church right before i usually go to sleep n thats abt it now lol#it doesnt rlly matter anyways i guess cause theres not Day theres just Time Im Awake For#sometimes very small . sometimes a lot longer than one day#a friend also pointed out that my suicidal thoughts seem to get worse whenever my sleep gets really bad (like once or twice a month lmao)#n those r probably related bc of everything else being worse as well#i feel like im just watching it all happen n i dont have much control over my own body or mind#i always wake up in pain or with a migraine n sometimes i have seizures in my sleep#i just spend 75% of my time lately sitting or laying down in bed doing nothing cause i cant sleep n it sucks#my mom thinks its funny how hyped i get whenever im allowed to Go Anywhere but like thats the only time im Awake For Real . alive 😭#not like we go anywhere fun but like .walmart idk. when i can go is able to pull me out of the wretched hell that is Sitting In Bed Forever#n its been like this for well over a year lol#i ride da walmart high for about 12 or so hours after n then it just goes right back to schmiserable schmiserable sitting in bed forever#my entire world has shrunk to sitting in bed forever#posting now heart emoji . hwello if anyone read this all
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